#So just

[abstractdogwolfthing]

Happy Birthday Outer 🥳

My friend made an alien design for him and I thought it was cute :33

Gift for CupidArrowsss on Twitter, designed alien!outer tooo!! Check them out :3 she’s rlly cool and very gay

[ionomycin]

Welcome home

[vaesivlasta]

bothering the beast <3

[hyperions-light]

thinking about bellara (bc bellara week is coming up)

and how fucking wild it is that (this is not a criticism of her, I think this is a fantastic character choice and it's so interesting)

she decides NOT to tell her parents that Cyrian is actually alive

Like

she thinks that it's better for them to continue believing that he's a dead hero than an alive villain

their SON

like from her dialogue I think there's a large part of her that would have preferred he stay dead to him coming back like that, but I cannot imagine that her parents would PREFER him dead, no matter what he was doing instead

like Taash says: "He's alive. That's a start."

like?? Their CHILD? She thinks they wouldn't want to hear that their fucking CHILD is alive, even if he was in a weird cult?? I feel like most parents would want their kid back, even if he had a lot of atoning to do + needed to be un-indoctrinated. Before the showdown with Anaris, she has no reason to think he's not going to remain alive

I kind of think that like

(as someone with anxiety)

it could be her trying to avoid it

bc if she told them, then she'd have to deal with their reactions, and she'd have to deal with them possibly having a different opinion, and they would be very emotional and it would be on /her/ to fix this problem, and what if she fails? What if she's not good enough, and she can't make Cyrian come back? And then they're disappointed and upset, because they feel like Cyrian doesn't love his family?

all that stuff would be insanely overwhelming to deal with

so i think she might just decide to put it off until she can try to get him back

bc if she can fix it-- if she can /really/ get then their son back-- then they can be happy. And if she can't

Well. then she probably has to kill him, so maybe it's better not to say anything

I wonder if she does tell them what happened, eventually?

[island-in-the-shadows]

Me here realising that Oliver was born 9 months after Felix. You know, 9 months...as if he had been made and born for Felix. Because he just never existed in a world without Felix...until his 20th birthday.

You know...girly things that make you want to die.

[loversandantiheroes]

I don't know that I've talked that much about the general state of..like...me in awhile, and since it hit me that I'm like 3 years post-covid and at least that into the yawning abyss of this temp hiatus, I reckon it's due.

Physical/mental health stuff under the cut, general whining alert, etc.,

I don't even remember now when I officially put up the hiatus notice, but it's more or less been on since I wrapped the third chapter of Hotel Hobbies, and that feels several decades ago at this point. Initially it was just a really bad combination of creative burnout (self-inflicted bc why enjoy your creative outlet when you can throw yourself on the fire to keep it burning), my at the time untreated mental health issues, and back-to-back online/fandom friendship disasters that just left me feeling like more of a crater than a person.

Since then things have been very up and down. Some of the friendships mended, some never did and have left some lingering sore spots on things I wish I could still enjoy. I managed to get my ass to a doctor and started the process of getting back into treatment for my depression, finally got a diagnosis for ADHD at the ripe old age of 38, got into therapy, and spent a lot of time bouncing between medications trying to find something that works for me. Sadly, that process is still ongoing.

In the process of all that, though, I finally brought the issue of the god-awful persistent fatigue I've been dealing with to my doctor, and asked to be referred to cardiology. After three weeks of wearing a heart monitor and a quick lay-down/stand-up EKG, they confirmed POTS. I don't know if it's a gift from Covid, or an unfortunate result of the sheer amount of stress I've dealt with in the last decade and change, but it's a fucking bear to deal with, and I can't say I recommend it. Doc is also of the opinion that I have an a-typical case of PCOS. Just collectin' all the acronyms.

Suffice it to say that, while it absolutely could 100% be so much worse, it does turn out my physical health is...less than ideal.

On top of that at the tail end of last year, the month before the election, I finally realized that my burnout isn't just an "oh tee hee you wroted too hard" thing. Apparently caregiver burnout is an actual thing. And uh. Well, I fit the bill. I had hoped to be able to use this year to start shifting things around and try to work on that, try to give myself some more room to breathe and find some way to take the weight off of my shoulders (I'd started looking into adult daycare for my dad to give me a literal break once in awhile).

And then, well. November. And now we're here. And the fascist fucks are chomping at the bit to take away all the things that keep us afloat. My health care. My job. Dad's healthcare. His social security. It's an ugly-ass Sword of Damocles situation.

So yeah. I don't really have a point to draw to in all this except to say that I'm fucking tired. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, the whole nine yards. I've been running on empty for a long time, and it's proving a lot harder than I'd hoped to try and fill that tank up. And with as uncertain a future as we're facing right now, I don't expect it's going to improve all that much for a wee while.

I keep thinking that I should've made a patreon back before they changed all fees and such, but honestly, even if I had, I still don't have anything I can offer in exchange. I've got like three stacks of brain fog at all times, and my ADHD meds only work on one of 'em. I can hardly string a coherent sentence together most days. If you've wondered why I've been quieter than usual, or less responsive in messages, that's why. Fuckin' Pyramid Head clompin around up there.

Anyway, I guess, all this to say that I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get back to writing or painting. Believe me, I wish I could. I miss it terribly. But the spoons are too few and the fog is too thick.

It will get better, I hope, if circumstances allow. I hope they do. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless these days.

But yeah. Miss you nerds💖

[murmurmurl]

guess. guess what I did again.

I'm tired rn, but I literally can't get him out of my head...

(again, @/tearwolfe's seal Rui, except I'm not mentioning this time because I don't wanna do it too much lmao)

[indiestsnake]

sigh

why must life be as complicated as it is

[eidolons-stuff]

Enid: *frowns* "I don't think either of us will both like any of these movies"

Wednesday: "Here. I will pick the movie"

Enid: *a little scared* "Ok..."

Wednesday: "Found one! Friday the 13th"

Enid: "It's not romantic! And it's also scary"

Wednesday: "It's got teenagers going to a camp and finding privacy to be intimate. And no need to get scared, I am here"

[ratguy-nico]

I wanted to comment on the election stuff but honestly dont have nothing nice to say

To the people I care, my mutuals and friends here, take care, take a break or whatever you need, deep breaths and all that and I hope you all are okey

[autistook]

🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 HAPPY PRIDE 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Reblog with ur orientation and identity and let's spread some looooooove in this lovely app

[r0ckst4r-c0re]

erm imagine if ashlyn had shorter hair hahaha…. (im not an actual artist but im learning!

[maxmemer]

I found a new brush

@ofthefrogs

[askriopuppy]

seeing as the other princes have joined in sinful Saturday but im a bit late, I'll be doing it sunday!

Ask me anything you want! Both nsfw and sfw!

[devilishlydumb]

mclaren fucked up lando on that first stint.

whether intentional or not, i don’t care, the end result is the same: he ended up behind charles and oscar after his pit stop.

lando was also faster during his second stint.

mclaren asked to let lando through because his on track position was, again, fucked up by the strategy and he was faster.

lando ended 30 seconds ahead.

because, again, he was faster this weekend.

no one robbed oscar of the podium, seeing their times, lando would’ve eventually gotten him on his own. but team orders prevent them from losing time in the battle and therefore giving them a chance to end closer to charles + furthering the gap from alonso.

i understand being disappointed because it’s oscar’s home race and it would’ve been sweet seeing him on the podium and, correct me if i’m wrong, making him the first australian to get a podium on home soil.

but saying lando was gifted the podium completely dismisses his work this weekend when he’s simply been ahead through the entirety of it.