#So far... I'm loving the demo. Still need to get through it.

[3v3rl4stingbr4in]

我最亲爱的乌鸦。＜3

( Screenshot redraw part 2, ss under the cut )

[measuredingold]

i’d walk through hell for you

authors note: saw that best friend!noah is all the talk right now and decided to finally free this from the drafts. inspired by a walk through hell by say anything :) there will be a second part that’s already finished and will be posted next week ! i’m not sure about a third lol as always, i hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated :)

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

divider: @saradika-graphics

word count: 3.1k

cross posted on ao3

cw/tw: angst, hurt/comfort, heavy anxiety, best friend!noah, Noah Is A Nightmare But He Can’t Help It, reader is a sweetie and loves their friend and wants to make it better, oh eventual friends to lovers btw, 18+ minors do not interact

You haven't seen him like this in a long time. You can't even remember the last time he allowed you to see him like this, on edge, snippy with fucking everyone, and down right a fucking nightmare. You thought he had gotten that under control, at least from what he’s told you, but the scene before you lets you know that may not be the case.

For the most part. He could be worse, you think.

You've seen him far worse than this plenty of times, yet it still makes your stomach turn in an unpleasant way, and there's a foul taste settling in the back of your throat as you step into his room.

“Hey.” You say quietly, making your presence known.

“Hi.” He doesn’t even bother looking up at you. Your chest tightens.

“Jolly says you’re being a nightmare,” Noah snorts at your words, but you know he doesn’t find it that amusing. “Wanna tell me what’s up?”

Your heart breaks as your best friend finally looks up at you, the bags under his eyes and the permanent frown on his lips feeling like a literal stab to the gut. You drop your bag by the door and slowly make your way towards him.

"I can't fucking..." He sucks in a deep breath as he throws his arms towards his computer setup in the corner in his room, eyes narrowing. "This one part in the song I showed you last week. It doesn't sound right. I've messed with it for days, even sent it off to Jolly and even he can't fucking get it to sound good and, " He rubs a hand down his face, "I have to send it by tomorrow night with like four other songs. The others are fine but this fucking one..."

"Sebbe. Breathe."

He does, one long shaky breath, and you're finally looking closely enough to realize his entire body is shaking. Your anxiety kicks in then, alarms sounding off in your head because you know where this can lead. You've seen it before. Your legs take you over to his bed that he's sitting on, joining him. You make sure to keep some space between the two of you, not wanting to overwhelm him more than needed.

"I just don't know what's fucking wrong with me. Like, why can't I figure this out? I did the thing, I took the break. Came back with a clear head or whatever but all I did was fuck up the song even more to where Jolly can't even fix it and-"

"Noah."

He stills at your voice, lazily dragging his eyes towards you. He looks so tired. You know him well enough to know the break was a good fifteen minutes before he sat his ass back in that chair and clearly worked himself to the ground. You know that he's probably only slept a handful of hours in the last few days, and you fucking hate that. He struggles with sleep as is, so you know the stress of this deadline isn't good for him at all.

"Listen to me, okay?" You say slowly. Noah just blinks at you. "Send it off the way it is. You've done your best, but if you keep messing around with it with this nasty attitude, it's not going to get any better. Make sure to make a note on why the song might sound unfinished, mention that you've been struggling."

"But-"

"I'm not finished." His mouth snaps shut. "Tell Jolly you sent it off and that you guys will work on it later. These are just supposed to be demos, right?" It takes a second but Noah eventually nods, somehow looking even more tired than he did seconds ago. "Then there’s no reason for it to be perfect, anyways. Just go on to something else and then go back to it when you don't feel so... negative."

The silence after your words makes your stomach turn, Noah slowly blinking at you. You know your words are registering in his mind, but they’re melting away. He's going to only hear one part of your speech, and it's the part about sending an unfinished song to his label. The unfinished and not perfect song which is unacceptable in Noah standards, and you can already make out the frown that's beginning to form on his lips.

"I have to finish it."

"No, you actually don't."

"Yes, I actually fucking do." He bites out.

You know he doesn't mean it, to be snippy with you, but that's what happens when he's like this. Irrational, says things before thinking about them. You can't stop the way you flinch, though, grimacing at the way it hurts when he throws his anger at you. His frown only deepens, sadness etching itself over his face.

"Sorry." He mumbles, head tilting down. "I just... I need to finish it. I can't just send it off the way that it is. That's not good enough."

"Demos aren't supposed to be good. That's why they're called demos. It’s the rough draft.”

"You don't get it." He groans out, resting his elbows on his knees and placing his head in his hands. "I just... I can't do that. You know I fucking can't. It's gotta be perfect, because if not-"

"You feel like a failure." You finish his words for him and watch the second his shoulders drop.

He doesn't respond, doesn't even take his hands off his face. Instead he just nods slowly.

"Noah..."

He remains silent next to you but you can hear the way his breathing has picked up, a lot shakier than it had been seconds ago. The hands that were sprawled across his face were shaking again and this time you don't bother keeping your space, scooting closer to him.

You're deliberate with your actions, hand reaching out to slide off the beanie on top of his head. You let it fall, hand now smoothing down some of his hair that was messed up by the hat. You're quiet when your fingers gently card through his hair and you do it a few times before your nails scratch at his scalp, slow and gentle.

It takes a second, a lot longer than you actually expected, but his breathing begins to even out. His hands are still shaky, though, and he still has yet to even pick his head up. You have a feeling of what's running through his mind, and you so desperately want to crawl inside there and throw it out yourself. Fill his head with better thoughts and rid him of the mean ones he's sifting through currently.

Your hand drops from the top of his head, instinctively pushing a fallen strand behind his ear before sliding your hand down to the back of his neck. Your fingers apply a good amount of pressure there, gently rubbing out the tension. You hear him sigh out, the noise muffled by his hand.

“Talk to me. What’s going on up there, bub?”

"This is all I have." He finally says after long minutes of silence, voice sounding strained.

You frown.

He continues, "The band. Music. It's all I have. All I'm good at. I can't... it has to be perfect, you know? If it's not..." He sucks in a shaky breath and your fingers dig back into his neck. "If it's not perfect, I don't know how much longer I'll have this. One fuck up and... and this all can be..."

He doesn't finish his words, but you know what he was going to say.

This all can be taken away from me.

Noah confided that fear to you so many times, but each time you're reminded of it it's like a part of you dies. His fear of losing everything at the snap of a finger is something that haunts him and has stayed with him for as long as you could remember. No matter how hard he tried to run from it, to know that things don't always end and can't be taken from him so easily, it always seemed to come crawling back.

"It's not going to be taken away from you." You say in a small voice, scooting even closer to him. Your legs are pressed together now and you don't stop rubbing at his neck, hoping to relieve some of the stress.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do." Your fingers stop but your hand doesn't move. "Noah, look at me."

A beat passes before he's finally removing his hands from his face, slowly turning his head to stare at you. Somehow the bags under his eyes have darkened in the few minutes you've been in here with him, and it seems like that frown on his lips is permanently sketched there.

"You've gotten this far without it being taken from you." You start slowly, thumb now brushing against the side of his neck. "You're good at what you do. Everyone knows that, and everyone knows that you're not perfect. You don't need to be perfect. We all have bad days. One song that isn't sounding like you wanted isn't going to be the be all end all of your career."

"But what if it is?" He sounds so small, voice shaking with fear of the hypothetical what if and all you want to do in this moment is gather him up in your arms and never fucking let go.

"It isn't." You press. "This has happened before and guess what happened? Nothing. Nothing was taken from you, and life went on as it did."

Noah just blinks at you. You stare back at him, pressing your lips together as you mull over your next words. You're not sure if what you're telling him is getting through that head of his and you're not sure what to do next. You think he needs to take a break, a much longer one, and needs to get out of his room. Probably the house, too. Away from the problem to clear his head.

"Hey," Your thumb keeps brushing against his neck and something warm spreads across your chest when you feel him melt into the touch. "How about you come over? For the day. We go back to mine and just watch some Naruto. I haven't finished it yet."

His blank expression is soon replaced with something similar to pain and his eyes dart from your face to the corner of his room, where his set up remains. You reach up with your other hand without much thought, cupping the side of his face to turn him back towards you.

"Noah."

"I..."

His eyes dart back and forth between your face and his computer, and you can almost physically see the battle happening in his head. The need for perfection. The need for control. His hands start to shake in his lap again and your thumb brushes against the top of his cheek, trying to pull him back to you.

"Just for a few hours. A couple episodes, that's all. Just to get you out of that head of yours, then we can come back here and you can finish up that song."

A compromise, but it's enough to have that pained look on his face to fall for just a moment, body relaxing under your fingertips.

"Okay." Noah breathes out, eyes fluttering shut momentarily. " A few hours."

You can't stop the smile that spreads across your face, that warmth from minutes ago settling across your chest again.

"Thank you."

He doesn't reply, just blinks at you again and gives you a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless. You're not sure you got through to him, but maybe he was exhausted enough to not care anymore. Whichever one it was you'll take it, as long as it gets him away from that computer and hopefully out of his mind.

He's quiet when gathering his things, lingering by his desk when he saves whatever song it was giving him a hard time before shutting the computer down all together. He doesn't say anything when you leave either, silently following you through the house and to your car. It worries you every time he goes quiet like this, but you know it's the exhaustion from his anxiety finally catching up. And probably the minimal hours of sleep he's gotten in the last few days. Still, you hate it.

The only sign of life from him was when he bopped his head to a random song in a playlist you two created together, adding random things in there from time to time. You can't remember the name, it's one of his songs you think, which is confirmed by him humming quietly in the passenger seat next to you, scrolling through his phone.

Noah still hasn't said a word by the time you reach your apartment, and doesn't bother saying anything when he gets out of your car, shuffling behind you. You try to hide your worry as you unlock your door, chewing on your bottom lip.

"Make yourself at home."

He makes a noise in response, a quiet hum, toeing off his shoes before making a beeline for your couch, sinking immediately into the cushions. You smile at that, watching as he gets comfortable in your space. It wasn't always like this, when the two of you first became friends, but after years of growing closer, your space was almost like his. It was nice to know he trusted you that much.

"Have you eaten?" You call out to him, making your way around your kitchen. He doesn't look up from his phone.

"No."

You glare at him, but he still isn't looking. "Noah."

"Wasn't hungry." He brushes it off before pausing and finally looks up from his phone, exhaustion evident in his features as he stares at you. "I'm kind of hungry now, though."

"Yeah?" That relaxes you a bit. "I got some leftover pizza in the fridge if you want some."

"Sure."

You try to ignore the way he still sounds so... small. Barely there, like he's off in some other world. You busy yourself with fixing a plate for both you and him and make sure to pour him some water in the biggest glass that you own, knowing damn well he hasn't had a sip in hours. You bring the plates in first, setting them on the coffee table in front of your couch before going back to retrieve your drinks. You hand his cup to him, narrowing your gaze.

"Drink."

You don't miss the way he rolls his eyes but takes the glass from you without a fight, taking a slow sip. You feel like you can breathe easier now knowing that he's drunk something, and is going to eat something soon too, and you finally settle onto the couch next to him, pulling your legs up under you.

The two of you sit in silence as you mess around with your remote, trying to figure out which streaming service had Naruto on it. It had been a while since you watched it, and you knew you had to finish it. Noah's been bugging you for months, maybe even years, so now's a good time as any to start it back up.

"I can't believe you still haven't finished." You’re surprised he’s said a full sentence, words muffled around the pizza in his mouth.

"I'm trying." You whine out before taking a bite of your pizza. "There's just so many episodes."

He snorts. "You haven't even gotten to Shippuden yet."

"...You're telling me there's more?"

You look at him, head tilted and eyes wide. Noah takes in your expression and laughs, the real breathy one he does when he thinks something's ridiculous. That warm feeling in your chest returns and suddenly you feel something similar to pride fill you, being the reason behind that laughter. His lips twitch into what you think is supposed to be a smile, shaking his head.

"Dude."

"You didn't tell me there was more!"

"Yes I did! I literally told you that this was part one, and then Shippuden was part two."

"I literally don't remember that at all." You grumble out, rolling your eyes.

"You could've already been on Shippuden if you'd just watch it."

"I forgot, okay?" You cry out, which only makes Noah laugh harder. "Fucking sue me."

"We're finishing this." He says matter of factly, relaxing back against the couch. "The goal is to finish both this and Shippuden by the end of the year." You give him a crazy look, brows furrowing, and he laughs again. "Okay. How about we at least start Shippuden by the end of the year?"

You think about it for a moment before nodding your head, taking another bite of your pizza. "I think I can manage that."

He smiles for real this time, small but it's real, and you smile back.

"Deal."

One episode turns into two, two turns into three, and somehow three turns into you almost finishing the season you'd been on for the last few months. You've finished your pizza by this time and Noah's been resting his head on your shoulder for the last three episodes now. The light from outside is dimming, and you know you should probably take him back home. You've kept him here much longer than he agreed to, but he hadn't said anything, just kept saying to play the next episode. He was finally relaxed and seemed to have finally forgotten about the song, at least for the moment.

And selfishly, maybe a part of you wanted to keep him here, pressed into your side for just a little longer.

The episode finally comes to an end and you go to ask if he wants to watch another episode, but a soft snore interrupts your sentence. You blink down at Noah asleep on your shoulder, face pressed against you and mouth open. You probably should be a little disgusted at the way he is most definitely drooling on you but instead you feel... endeared. He feels safe enough to sleep around you, and that feeling in your chest returns.

You reach for your phone next to you, typing out a text to Jolly that Noah had fallen asleep and you'll bring him back whenever he wakes up.

Thank fuck. He's been on nightmare mode for the last three days. He needs this.

A moment later another message from him comes through.

Thanks, btw. I don't know what he'd do without you, and quite frankly, me either. ❤️

That feeling in your chest blossoms into something you can't quite explain, a smile stretching across your lips. You send back your response before tossing your phone onto the couch and you rest your head against his, pressing your body closer to your best friends.

You're not sure what you'd do without him either.

[hummingbird-games]

2024 in Review (Indie Games)

2023 | 2022 | 2021

Helloooo gamer friends!!!

I'm so tired.

Lol.

Anyhoo, y'all don't care about that!!! Y'all are here to see what games I played and what the heck I have to say about them! Reminders: I don't bash games I didn't like, and I try to post more in-depth thoughts and reviews and general yapping to Gem's Game Gems.

DEMOS

When Stars Collide - I am by no means a sci-fi girlie. I need a HEAPING dose of fantasy or fantasy elements to help me out. That said, y'all might remember how I went feral for Gilded Shadows, so I am locked in for this journey with WSC. It's just as mysterious and lore intense as GS, but also just as intriguing and engaging!

Love Me, Love Me Not - I looooove when a game charms me to pieces??? Our MC Addie, the introduced LIs, the story, the art??? Where do I begin?? Anyway, please check this one out y'all! I'm impatient for the full game (shocker, I know).

Threads of You: Beyond the Bay - So my thoughts and reactions for this one are on the side blog, but I really enjoyed the demo and I have eyes for Chris, Vince, and Alex hehehe.

Lost in Limbo - While I'd been keeping tabs on this game for what seems forever because of the character art that originally caught my attention, I almost didn't finish the demo because it was lowkey disturbing (I'm a wimp and not all horror is made equal). But!!! BUT!!!! I push through to the end, had a good time, noted that I need to play the full game in the daylight with the music turned down low. And I absolutely adore Ara and Xal so, so much.

A Simple Twist of Fae - Absolutely no one cares, but I read a lot of manga this year. Like, a lot-a lot. Like, ~180 books and 1/3 of that was manga. Anyhoo, When JMB announced she was cooking up this game, I was impatient to get my grubby hands on it. AND THEN I PLAYED IT AND IT WAS THE SHOJO INSPIRED GAME OF MY DREAMS?!?! Like.....I wish I could both have it on my computer and also on my bookshelf. Final build dropping when??? (Also the UI design is utterly delightful, I cry.)

The Summit Library (FULL DEMO) - The last time I reviewed this game, we got chapter 1 as a taste, and I was. Locked! In!! The full demo gives us the first 2 chapters as well as the previews for all the romance routes and while giving everyone a whirl I'm *still* undecided on who to go for in the future, I must mention this: TSL is so aspec friendly???? I do love a game with smut, don't get me wrong looks at College Craze but sometimes I have my moments of being overwhelmed/sliiiiiiightly repulsed and the variety of options you have to choose how you react and interact with the various LIs in this game is amazing. (I have more thoughts on this, so I'll try to remember to post to the sideblog, but please understand that this game is totally worth your attention and time imo!!!)

Fully Released & Played (at least 1 playthrough)

Rabbit Trail - This. Game. Is. SO. Cute. *punches the air* 😭🥹(Copy + paste of my review on the itch.io page -> This was so charming, so fluffy, so cozy, just delightful all around??? I've only reached one ending so far, but René is just the cutest protag to play as, and his interactions as he delivers his mail made me cheese so dang hard! (Also, I wanted to fight his parents for not properly appreciating their kid LOL))

Stuck by Design - I checked this game out because I was looking into games that fellow programmers had worked on, and this cozy game stumbled onto my lap. The music was perfect, the UI is beautiful and clean, and I thoroughly enjoyed the performance of the VA for the LI, Yuki.

Wake Me Up If You Need Me - I called this game older!HSDJY MC x Ryan coded and I'm still right. The voice actor MAKES this game, and the interactions the player has with Reed is so flippin' delightful?? All my love and adoration to the game developer. May they make more beautiful games.

CTRL FREAK - The developer team brought us The Faithfulness of the Universe which is a banger in its own right, and CTRL FREAK is the team's commercial, finished project that I also found delightful. The soundtrack and the animations are chef's kiss 💛

Breathless Winds - Ooo, baby, ooo. So. If there is only one game you play from this list and you have some spare cash to spend (at the time of writing, the game is on sale!!!) please, please, check this one out. It left me absolutely spellbound, both the orginal demo, and then the full game. While I didn't get to blog fully about this one, and I only tackled 2 of the 4 routes, this game is absolutely everything. This is my indie game of the year. Poppy and her journey resonated with me, and between the music and the art, everything just came together so perfectly.

Wake Up Magical Girl - Listen TF up, if miseri creates it, I'm gonna play it, idc, idc. That being said...this game had a kick to it that when I finished my first playthrough, I had to stare off into space and gather myself. It takes the concept of magical girls and heroism and gave me a teeny tiny existential crisis, but other than that, I'm fine, it's fine, play this game, thank you.

Sleeping Under Spells - God, I love me a game where I get to argue with a LI. I love it. Bonus points if it's lowkey stupid stuff we're bickering over LOL!!

Our Wonderland - Yeah, uh huh, you thought you'd escape me talking about this game this year, didn't yah???? Too bad. The fifth and final arc dropped this year and I played it and I cried and felt for the briefest moments that life was okay. To say something different than my review of last year, I love that this seems to be the game that helps fellow ace devs find and flock to each other, I'm not kidding 🤣 so thank you Carrot for helping us fellow aspec peeps feel seen and validated and understood!

I Watched a Full Game Playthrough and Highly Recommend

Replay Boys - Okay so technically at the time of posting, there's still one more video I'm waiting to watch (Naja of BlerdyOtome uploaded her stream to YouTube) but my Godddddd. I've had my eye on this game for FOREVER but I was lowkey waiting for it to move to itch.io (I'm still a lowkey Steam hater 🥹) anyhoo, watching this absolutely wild game made me go ahead and buy a copy for myself to replay at a later time, but it's just great. The summary only scratches this surface of what the game entails 🤣

Gemi’s Gushies

(a list within a list of games that have devs trucking along in the background and I want to spotlight for y’all)

Save the Villainess - Life got away with me and unfortunately I never finished my play of the demo BUT what I have played was fun and I hope to return to this in the new year!

Woman of Xal 2 - Plot Twist Studios is on that Sequel Train with the next installment of WoX!!! Which I'm VERY excited for!!! I've unfortunately only completed one playthrough of this game, but the first game is definitely a masterclass in replayability, and I hope next year I'll be able to do a second playthough as I wait for game 2's Kickstarter!

...

And that's 2024! Any shared favorites?

- Gemini 🫶🏾

[maleyanderecafe]

not sure if anyone has recomended monster x mediator yet but its such a fun game despite being quite short. the game is supposed to have mutiple routes eventually (which I'm not sure are supposed to be yanderes) but the one it has rn is complete and definitly fits the yandere vibes. If u like things that mix horror with humor and have a funnily pathetic but still terrifing yandere this one is a trip. Also the fact that the guy is a monster that looks like a madness combat character adds to the charm of it in my opinion lol

I'll be honest, I was a little skeptical about this game, but I saw how pathetic he is and now I'm very much on board. This game is supposed to have four different routes, but currently only has one for now. The comedy and horror is well balanced in the game itself. If you want to try out the demo, you can play it here.

The story starts out with the MC taking on a job for a large sum of money. They are currently in debt and need money quick. After receiving the first half of the money, they are directed to go to some abandoned building to get the other half. After receiving it, they are then told their task to go inside of the building. If the MC tries to run away, they will be shot on the spot. If they accept, they will be faced with a couple of doors. Their boss will then tell them that there are monsters that behind each door, and that the MC's job is to get all of them out of the room without dying.

Going into the red door, the MC is pretty much immediately knocked out before waking up and finding a large monster hovering over them and thousands of things pasted up in the walls. You can successfully get him out of the room in three different ways but can also be killed a couple of other ways as well. The first thing he does is declare himself as the MC's biggest fan, getting so excited that he grips his axe menacingly. If the MC gets him too excited, they will end up killing the MC. The monster (later revealed as 404), talks about how much he loves the MC's fanfiction blog and how he was really sad and depressed when the MC blocked him and even sadder when they stopped writing all together. 404 also reveals that he is such a big fan that he also knows all of the MC's passwords and even their bank account, with all of the fanfiction that they written pasted on the wall. 404 then asks if they want to see where he kills everyone and if they can write a fanfic for him.

If the MC is curious about where all the dead bodies are, 404 will bring them into another room to show them. We learn a lot about 404: he doesn't know what kind of monster he is, doesn't really need to eat, loves to kill with his axe and seems to have regenerative abilities considering he was shot in the head and was completely fine the next day. The MC can have two ways to get him out of the room, both of which are hilarious. The first way is to literally beg 404 to leave by pleading desperately (do you know that let me rizz you up meme? That's what you do) until 404 gets tired and does it for his super star. The other way is to seduce (?) 404 by telling him that it would be sexy of him to leave the room, which works well. We also learn about the facility itself, that 404 has been living there since as far as he remembers, that he loves killing the various people that come in, doesn't like the MC's boss (finds them annoying through the walkie talkie) and pretty much only kills and reading the MC's blog.

If the MC decides to oblige 404 with his obsession, they will start to write on a typewriter as 404 stands behind them excitedly. He keeps on asking the MC to add more and more things, making it 100 pages instead of 10, making the story a romance, making it a romance between him and the MC (noting that "the name Nick is the same as his username", which is a huge stretch).

If the MC refuses to write 100 pages, 404 will end up getting extremely angry and hold the MC by the throat, calling them and humans "bitches". He will start to kill the MC, crying and feeling despair as he kills the MC by choking them to death.

If the MC does oblige, they will write the most god awful fanfiction (their words) and end up pretty much just holding the a key until it fills all 100 pages. 404 ends up crying out of happiness at such a beautiful gift and leaves the room, just as the MC wanted.

First of all, I think that the game does a good job of balancing the horror elements with the comedy. I did not expect to like 404 this much and definitely did not expect his personality to be like this. I did feel it was interesting that 404 believes that the MC's writing would "fix him" and even laments that even though he knows it wouldn't, he still wanted to try when he was killing the MC in a choke hold. He basically is a very feral online fan who meets their super idol (which gives me a bit of incel vibes), but not enough to be extremely obvious, much more than other yanderes, with him saying like he's a gentleman, or that he isn't angry at all despite the fact that he got blocked. I also love the various ways that you can get him out of the room, and just how obsessed he is with the MC. He seems to mostly be an obsessive yandere, with him pasting the fanfic of the MC's work all over his walls, delusionally believing that he is the same character that the MC writes, confessing his feelings to the MC while they're writing, not killing the MC (since apparently he's killed every other person that came in) and wanting the MC's writings to fix him. He is also a pretty pathetic type of yandere, hoping desperately that the MC (and their writings) would fix them, crying when he does kill the MC and generally seeing himself in their writing, but also rather dangerous just due to his violent nature. It's fun to see dangerous but pathetic yanderes since I feel like that's something that I haven't seen to much.

I am curious about how the other monsters will be like. It seems that as of writing this, the Knight Monster is currently delayed, so I guess we'll see if he ends up being a yandere too. I would recommend this game just on it's humor and interesting kind of intrigue about why these monsters are in the buildings themselves. He does look like a madness combat characters, you're right.

[wings-of-ink]

Looking for your Input for IF Patreon

Hello my friends and neighbors! I hope you are all safe and well. I had some things to share with you and I am once again fishing for thoughts and opinions.

Like many of us who create these IFs, I am strongly considering a Patreon. I have no plans to go exclusively to Patreon, so don't fret. I want to make extra content to go along with any IF I work on, and I'd like to be able to put more things into these projects such as real art (including character portraits), and not just the stuff I flounder through on Canva. I'd like to pay my artist a fair wage and devote more of my time to this. Getting some support would help me allocate even more to these projects and extras. I'm testing the waters here to see if it's sustainable for both myself and subscribers as well. I do not know what timeframe I'm looking at to start this either.

I only want to do this if it's worth the while for everybody, so I'm putting out feelers and asking for your input.

Most of all - I want to know what you want in a Patreon sub. I also want to know what you feel to be a fair sub price for different tiers. Over the years, when I have been able, I have subbed to help support my favorite creators at all different levels. So, I have some ideas on what I am looking for in a subscription, what keeps me coming back, and what prices are both fair for the effort of the creator as well as for my pocket. But, what suits me may not be what you want, so that's why I need some feedback.

Below, I have compiled my ideas, so far, for possible tiers. None of these are set in stone, just a framework to build on to see if I'm on the right track. At the bottom is a poll (of course, it's like my favorite thing), and is probably the first of a few about this topic I will use. I welcome comments and suggestions on this topic. Tell me what you are looking for in a Patreon. What do you want from one each month? What keeps you subscribed? Please feel free to comment below or to send comments and suggestions via the Ask inbox, especially if you prefer to be anon (do let me know if you do not want your response posted - I may post some that either have questions or that I find relevant to the conversation).

I still do not know for certain what the ultimate future of God-Cursed will look like (meaning when it is all finished). I've played with the idea of eventually refining it to sell on itch and/or Steam. I have to admit that being able to do so would really feel like a huge accomplishment to me. I've always had dreams of being published and such, and it feels like a part of that dream. I, personally, prefer to buy IFs through either platform whenever I can. It supports my favorite authors, shows my appreciation, it compiles my favorite stories into an easy-to-find library, and I can relive my favorite stories over and over easily. So, needless to say, this is calling to me more and more.

Anyway, what I have come up with so far for possible offerings are these. Please let me know if something like this would work for you or if you have any suggestions for improvement:

An appreciation/tip jar - if the other tiers aren't for you or you just want to give a little love. Subscribers could get updates and public posts, and participation in polls.

A "Supporter" level - all the other stuff plus GC demo releases 1 month (30 days) in advance. I debated about the time, but I want to really make the early access feel worth it. This level would also be privy to some "insider" info (things cut, character development, the egregious typos, etc…). Of course there would be some sort of dev-log to go with this as well.

A "Plus" tier - all the above plus early release of demos for other IFs, more "behind the scenes" type things, and I'm thinking some POVs and other extra content (some interactive) such as short stories. These extras need not be exclusive to IFs either if anyone is interested in other things I write.

"SMUT" or "Spicy" tier - (being very honest, I'd be the most excited for this tier, lol) all the above including all things smut for each IF. This will include interactive extras, short stories, and any other horny content we want. Likely will run some polls and take suggestions for the spice you desire each month.

"Smut plus" (lol) - all the above, PLUS a patreon-only IF that I will have in the works (so, access to 3 projects in total). I have an idea for an IF that will focus on 1 RO at a time (each with their own complete and unique story within the same world), and I am itching to write it even if updates for it will be a bit slow. It will be more like a traditional dating sim type thing and may comprise all sorts of genres. This may be one that would be good for just subscribing on months that will have updates, and that's something I would probably post about publicly so if you're just interested in getting access, you don't have to worry about staying subbed.

And finally a sort of "Power Supporter" tier - this may be like a limited number sort of thing and be a bit pricey (not sure yet how much). You'd get a custom interactive story set in whatever world of mine you want that can be spicey or not. You'd give me all your MC's details (mostly cannon things but some liberties could be taken), physical traits and personality, and pick your RO and/or other desired characters. I'd take prompts or ideas from you as well concerning what you'd like in the story. You want a sexcapade - you can have that. You want to have tea with Oswin and his weird twin sisters - you got it. The main limitations are spoilers, of course, especially for any mystery ROs depending on when and if this all comes to pass. There may be some subject-matter that I will not write about, but I'd let you know what is out of bounds for me.

Naturally, I would also pop your name in the credits, I just don't know which tier that should go on.

So, there you have it. This has been on my mind for a while and I've gotten some questions and messages asking about if I will do something like this, so I'd like to give it a go at least.

Looking forward to hearing your ideas and desires! ^_^

~Lunan

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Recording Love

We I interrupt the baby-focused ramble train to share a thought/theory that popped into my head that has some smutty fun possibilities. This post will probably be short, but I'm still throwing in a quick Content Warning that this post contains a heck of a lot of Adults Only NSFW lewdness.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

Most people in the fandom remember this classic audio of Jack giving a villainous monologue, right? I've theorized in previous posts that Jack becomes stronger and more real the more his sunshine loves him, while conversely if they stop caring about him, he just might disappear. After all, it certainly sounds like the person Jack is talking to isn't his sunshine, which is something he can't do in the demo.

Well, at least as far as MC is aware, but that's a theory for another time.

It does make me wonder if MC being intimate with Jack via sex and telling him that they love him will make him more perceptible to others. That might mean the demo ends right before we get to see that something changed.

Also, given the fact that cats don't care for Jack and vice-versa, perhaps that's a sign that cats are more sensitive to ghosts(?) like Jack. It could be that after Jack asks, "Who's this?" we might get an interesting reaction from Shaun and/or Moon Pie...

But, again, another theory for another post.

It's hard to say what the progression will be like as Jack grows stronger thanks to his sunshine's love. Perhaps he'll be visible out of the corner of peoples' eyes at first. Maybe he'll appear as some sort of "glitch" in reality like a distortion in an analog tape. Maybe it'll start with just his voice being clearly audible before his body becomes solidly visible to others. Maybe he'll start off the way he became in the "no" route, untouchable while visually being there.

It's this thought about an analog distortion that reminded me that Jack can't be seen in mirrors or photographed. It's kind of interesting that the ghost(?) of a murdered TV show host who came from a VHS tape can't be filmed. Perhaps the first impact he might have on reality is the ability to be caught on video.

As another quick aside, this makes me imagine a tense scenario where Nick, Ian, and/or Shaun are using their phones to film the area around them, frantically looking for where Jack is, because he's not visible to the naked eye yet. His voice comes through their speakers, taunting them, and they only get glimpses of him in their sweeping shots before he gets them.

Man, there are so many possibilities for Jack being a really terrifying analog horror entity. But that's also for another post. This is one is about smut, and I need to stop getting distracted so we can get to the good stuff already.

Back on topic... it'd be kind of fitting that Jack's first real return to reality, outside of MC, is being recorded by them. He was once a famous star known nation-wide, recorded on film and audio tape. He was loved by so many because he was recorded. He came back to the world of the living thanks to a video tape. It'd be kind of poetic.

Heck, what if those recordings are what allow Jack to become fully human(?) If the love of MC got Jack this far, then maybe if they spread the word about him, uploading videos of him to the internet, and making the world know about him... Perhaps by being remembered by more people will give him a stronger foothold in reality, especially if they love him like they used to when he was on the SunnyTime Crew Show.

Perhaps the fastest way to make Jack real again is for MC to film them showing him lots of love~

Yes, this was all build up to suggest that the solution to Jack's problem is for him and his sunshine to film pornos together.

It'd be kind of fitting, don't you think? Especially in an NC-17 eroge. Not to mention that Jack does have that exhibitionist kink after all. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to show the world just how much he loves his sunshine and how much they love him~

Of course, not all MCs will be open to the idea of sharing such intimate recordings publicly. Heck, there'll be plenty not comfortable taking nude snapshots to share privately with a partner. I know my girl Alice wouldn't!

That was when I wondered... what might convince Alice to change her mind? At least to some extent.

See, what led me down this rabbit hole in the first place was thinking about what comes next in Sunshine in Hell, specifically the fact that Alice isn't just going to be ignore the giant clown shaped elephant in the room. MC did some testing and found out about the mirrors and photographs in the demo, but Alice is going to want to investigate more and get more proof. Either she's lost her mind, or she has a supernatural entity living with her. She needs to know which it is in order to know how to proceed.

Jack can't be photographed? Okay, but he can pick up objects. He can interact with Alice physically, and that can be recorded.

If you can't draw the subject for your picture, then you can show show it's there by emphasizing the negative space where it should be.

Alice is going to do some experiments. First she tries to film Jack juggling some balls he pulled out of his pocket. (Because clowns gotta juggle am I right?) The balls don't show up either. Neither does anything else Jack manages to just pull out of nowhere like his wardrobe changes.

Okay then, Jack can juggle, um... er... Alice looks around for something not breakable then finally gives Jack random writing utensils. She films him picking up pillows, moving furniture, making her bed, cooking food, etc. She could even film him writing messages on paper.

It certainly looks spooky to Alice seeing items moving around like that when she plays back the video.

A darn shame that there's hundreds of these sort of "ghost" videos online. It's amazing what people can do with homemade special effects and video editing software! Even if Alice wanted to post these online to see if this is something other people might know about or have a similar experience with, no one would actually believe it's a real ghost(?)

This led to thoughts of Jack using Alice's body as a more convincing prop of his presence. Of course, this would only be after they get together as a couple. He might suggest picking her up among the early experiments, but she wouldn't feel comfortable with that in the early days. It'd be a while later when Jack remembers the experiments that he decides to bring up the idea again.

Alice is a bit hesitant, not wanting to record herself and plaster it all over the internet, but Jack suggests this time they just do it for them. Even if they can't see him, it'd be cute to see how she looks in his arms from every angle.

Though a bit embarrassed, Jack does manage to convince Alice. It would be more proof that he's really there after all, even if they can't see him. Jack even spins her around a bit once they start filming, catching her off guard. He tells jokes to make her laugh, they banter playfully, and she surprises him in return with a kiss.

When playing back the recording, they see distortions, hints of someone there besides Alice, hints of a voice in the background laughing along with her and responding.

Then, for just a moment, just for a single frame, when Alice is kissing Jack, he's visible. He's distorted and not perfectly clear, but he's there, all blue haired and brightly colored.

It's a huge shock and Jack is practically vibrating with excitement. Alice can't help but be overwhelmed as well by it. Yes, by this point she was certain Jack had to be real, and she had other small bits of proof but this... this is so much more.

Jack wants to do it again. He needs to do it again. Alice is more than willing to help, and the two of them try a few more experiments, quickly realizing that it's when they show each other love that he becomes more visible.

This leads to some rather... intimate footage.

Jack takes it slow, knowing that Alice is insecure about her body and very shy. He starts off with playing with her hair, telling her sweet words of love. He encourages her to do the same to him as well, as that might help. He kisses her, blazing a trail down to her neck where he sucks firmly and nips, wanting to leave a mark on her skin in full view of the camera.

The more intimate they are, the more Jack appears in the video, more real and solid.

Alice is too shy about taking her clothes off while being recorded, but lets Jack slide his hands underneath her shirt. Even if the glitches won't show him in that moment, there's a perfect outline of his hands through the cloth, massaging her breasts. It feels so lewd, almost too much, but it's more proof that he's real. Jack makes sure to distract her by tweaking her nipples and whispering in her ear that she's being so good for him.

Huh. Sorry for another quick aside, but I'm suddenly reminded of all the fan art of Jack doing lewd things to MC's body while they're at work. It takes place when they're standing behind the counter, trying desperately not to react and let anyone know that they're having sex right there in public. There are security cameras all over the place, with only one blind spot that is definitely not where the front counter is. Maybe if this scene appears in the game, security footage of the incident is what gives Jack his first solid footing in reality.

Man, won't Barry be surprised. Imagine that phone call of the boss yelling at MC for having sex with their boyfriend right in front of the customers. And what the hell were they thinking letting someone who doesn't work there behind the counter?

Back to Alice and Jack experimenting... it'd be a slow progression of Jack encouraging Alice to try more and more. After all, the more love they show each other, the more Jack appears, the more he's heard. He's even visible at times when they're not actively groping at each other. Maybe they just need to go further.

Alice wants to help Jack interact with the world, and he's so happy about it, so excited... How can she refuse? Besides, no one will see these but the two of them. She's going to make absolutely sure to hide these videos where no one else can find them.

Boy would it be awful for a certain remorseful cheating ex if he came across these, wouldn't it? Good thing Jack won't let Ian near even a recording of Alice ever again.

Back to the good stuff. Jack fondles Alice through her clothes, makes her mewl and beg him for his touch. It's so lewd when playing back the video that she has a hard time watching herself in such a state, but he's sure to praise her during the viewing as well telling her how beautiful she is. He just adores the way she calls his name, how lovely she looks arching into him as she cums all over his fingers.

Next the clothes come off, for Jack at least, at first. He has no shame showing his body before the camera, especially when Alice is the one touching him, kissing him, and taking off all his clothes. He's visible the entire time in this video, more solid and defined when she's caressing and kissing him. They can see the way he laces his fingers through her hair when she goes down on him. Even the mess he left behind that she couldn't quite swallow all of remains visible on film while they get cleaned up.

Alice is mortified by how she looks, but Jack is right there to praise her, both in the video and in reality. Watching her get him off just gets him excited all over again, and he wants to do even more. He wants to repay the favor... while recording it. He wants her to see how beautiful she looks when he shows her love.

They've come this far, going further and further each time. Alice has seen herself so lewd already, so going this far is less scary by this point. Besides, it's been so helpful for Jack, and he's done so much to make her feel loved and adored, not used. He made the experience so much easier than she thought it could be.

Jack makes sure to angle Alice's body so she has a perfect view of what his mouth and fingers are doing to her. He makes sure to describe what he's doing as well whenever his tongue isn't otherwise busy teasing out obscene noises from her. The camera was initially aimed as a sideways view to show both of them and not so much a close up of her sex, but at some point Jack grabbed the phone to get different angles. He wanted to record Alice's expressions of bliss and give her a good look at just what he's doing to her body. He wants to see it all and share this glorious experience with his precious sunshine. He goes overboard groping and licking, making marks all over her thighs, breasts, stomach. It goes from just cunnilingus to a full body experience. They don't stop even after he makes her cum, as he wants to see her cum in more positions and get more angles of her in a state of bliss screaming his name.

It's their longest video. After worshipping her body so much and sharing so much of her pleasure, Jack eventually can't hold back anymore. He just has to be inside of Alice. Now. He needs it so, so badly.

The camera gets set aside, still angled at them, but Alice is too dazed to remember it even exists, and Jack is too desperate for her to want to mess with it anymore. When he's finally inside her, he has to take a moment to keep from exploding. Maybe it was all the build up and teasing, maybe it was from sharing one of his biggest kinks with the one he loves all day, maybe it's the act of doing this making him more real, but the feeling of being one with her is as intense as the first time they made love.

The first round is just for them in that moment, Jack just reveling in the pleasure and love he has for Alice and vice-versa. The next rounds are where he takes advantage of the camera, changing positions so that they get good shots without him needing to mess with the phone again but mindful of where the camera's lens is aimed. He keeps his sunshine's attention on him and the praise he showers her in the entire time so she doesn't think about the video. He adores seeing her like this, so needy for him and unashamed to show him just how much she loves him.

They only really stop when Alice is too exhausted to continue. Jack gently praises her and reassures her that he'll clean her up and take care of things. She's half-asleep when he mentions that he'll turn off the camera, and for a moment she wonders, what camera? But she's feeling too good and too tired to think too much about it.

Of course, Jack makes sure they watch the video after breakfast the next day. This one is the best yet. He's perfectly visible and audible the entire time, with nary a glitch in sight. Even when he's seen cleaning Alice up afterwards - while looking mighty pleased with himself and giving her adoring looks the whole time - he looks perfectly normal, perfectly human.

It's still embarrassing for Alice to see herself in such a state, and she certainly won't ever let anyone else see the video, but it worked. Now when they take videos of Jack, he remains in the recording, regardless of what the video is rated.

Still, even though they succeeded and technically they don't have to keep filming pornos to have Jack visible in the videos, it couldn't hurt to keep doing it, right? Just for the two of them of course. It was a lot of fun, don't you think~?

After all, it'd be nice to save these precious memories of how much they love each other captured forever on video so that they never forget~

Okay, I know I said this was going to be a short post, but I got carried away once I finally got the smutty ball rolling. I just can't resist indulging in my OTP, okay?

As another aside (as if I didn't have a ton of them throughout this post), if Jack is made stronger through his sunshine's love, maybe the reason why he has insane stamina is the more they love him, the more charged with energy he gets. I guess that incubus costume is more fitting than we all realized~

Really... aren't cubi created from dreams in legend? That might be something to explore in another post.

On that note, let's wrap things up. I'm sure there's plenty of MCs who would have a ton of fun not only filming themselves loving on Jack in the naughtiest of ways, but they might decide to share it with others if they're especially bold. A shame for any of the other love interests who might come across it.

You know, MC and Jack might get a lot of money for those videos if they start up a LonelyFans account. They could even do livestreams there like Nick does.

Funny how Jack might become Nick's biggest rival in more than just romance, don't you think?

I hope y'all enjoyed this silly, smutty romp of a theory!

[crimsonhydrangeavn]

I really love the game demo so far. I’ve watched day 1 and 2 of the demo played by a Let’s Player I follow. The writing is beautiful and I very much like Garret.

That being said, why is the “bad” and “toxic�� character the only nonbinary one? I’m nonbinary and use they/them pronouns exclusively myself, so it’s a bit painful to see the toxic ex character be the only one that’s the same gender as me, and I’m sure to other nonbinary people like me.

Can you tell me the reasoning behind making Teagan nonbinary? Or why there aren’t any redeemable characters that are nonbinary? I understand it’s just fiction, but also nonbinary people don’t really get a lot of representation in fiction especially not in dating sims.

Thank you to much for reaching out and letting me know how you found out about Crimson Hydrangea VN and how much you've enjoyed the game and Garret so far! I'm assuming the Let's Player you're referring to is Espoir Du Vide since she's the only one who I've seen make a video about CHVN. I've been following her for a little while and I'm fan of hers as well. She has a wonderful soothing voice and her jokes/memes really make me laugh!

I also want to thank you for feeling comfortable enough to send me such a sensitive and completely legitimate concern. Thank you for phrasing it in such a respectful and straightforward manner. I'm always open to all forms of feedback and am always open to learning and hearing others out.

That being said, I completely hear your concerns and I can understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately Teagan hasn't had a lot of screen time compared to others in the game (Only really showing up in Day 2). And the limited screen time that they have had hasn't really shown them in the best light.

Of course, I'll go into more depth as to why that is down below just in case people don't want to risk being spoiled.

I also summarized what I wrote below for those who don't want to risk seeing spoilers but want to know the main points of what I said.

Teagan isn't inherently bad and they are redeemable.

While their gender expression is an important part of them and their backstory, their gender isn't and should never be considered a factor as to why they're toxic.

They're toxic because of their actions, not because of who they are as a person or what they identify as.

I also apologize that Teagan's current perception is painful for you and others. That was never my intention and I'm genuinely sorry it's come across that way.

!POTENTIAL SPOILERS BELOW!

Teagan's current perception is completely overshadowed by the fact that they're your ex and you had a terrible dramatic break up. The game currently doesn't go into the decade or so of history you two have. All the sweet and meaningful moments between the two of you, how utterly devoted they were to you, how they supported you through difficult times and vice versa.

Unfortunately you're seeing them through the eyes of an ex who is still processing a rough break up and suppressing/ actively ignoring all of the positive traits they originally fell in love with.

That being said, I will say that Teagan has to be one of the most complex characters I've written. Yes, they are flawed but that doesn't mean they are inherently "bad". Their negative actions are currently overshadowing their positive traits. Teagan does have the capability to grow and learn and improve themselves, if you decide to go down that route in the game.

There were several reasons why I made Teagan nonbinary, and I can assure you that none of them were malicious or ill intended.

I don't necessarily want to go into all of the reasons as to why I made them nonbinary since I feel as though it'll spoil a few key elements about their backstory that I plan on revealing in game.

Instead I'll focus on one of the main reasons you actually mentioned in your ask, Representation.

For me, representation doesn't mean that they need to always be painted in the best light. Yes, they shouldn't be painted in a stereotypical or hateful way, but I also don't think they should be shown as perfect and flawless.

You see, I personally adore character development. A complex and flawed character who learns and grows from the people and situations around them to become a "better person" is my favorite kind of character arc.

What better way to honor Teagan than to show their journey of character growth during Crimson Hydrangea? Or at least that's what my thought process is/was.

I also wanted to mention that Teagan and Garret were created to be foils of each other. Yes, they're both yanderes, but they're still completely different kinds of people.

Garret comes off as very sweet and charming because you're only seeing him on a surface level. That perfect version of Garret is a facade he wears for you and others. There's a deep rooted darkness to him that you'll see in later days and you'll discover just how horribly toxic he is/can become. (Perhaps even more so than Teagan...)

Teagan on the other hand, has already shown you their toxicity. It's all come to light because of the break up and there's no hiding from it. You know them better than anyone else and that has it's pros and cons. Depending on the route you choose, they can either dig their heels in and become the worst version of themselves, or they can finally face reality and take accountability for their actions and start to heal as a person ( and potentially as a partner if you so choose.)

I hope my in depth explanation has helped you understand where I'm coming from and see that there was no intended slight meant towards those who identify as nonbinary.

With all of that being said, I will apologize that Teagan's current perception is painful for you and others. That was never my intention and I'm genuinely sorry it's come across that way.

[zombeebunnie]

Trembling Essence Devlog 1:💙Afternoon route clean up!💙

Hi guys and welcome new followers I hope you're all having a good and safe start into the New year!

This part will contain spoilers if you haven't played through the [Extended Demo], specifically the afternoon route. Here's a link if you would like to play! :]

I want to explain what all was worked on last year up to the afternoon route as a quick recap!

The early start of 2024 was the surprise Trembling Essence [Extended Demo] while the spring/summer of 2024 consisted of me redoing the start of the game leading up to the cabin which included Dialog, CG's, Endings, and the way Noah introduces himself to you.

This was done because a lot of what happened during that segment didn't match what goes on later in the game since my writing and story telling improved. All of it is aboutttt 90% done because I really needed a break from working on it.

Around the fall is when I went through and fixed up the introduction into the cabin.

I added more depth on how the player(Y/N) feels/reacts from being back in the cabin again and cleaned up the different situations you can get depending on your interactions with Noah before he goes to bed along with choices that effects Noah's closeness with the player(Y/N).

"Will the [Extended Demo] receive anymore updates?":

As far as the [Extended Demo] goes, I do have plans on updating it with new/updated content HOWEVER, it will be some time before that happens. I do have a future poll I want to do about this. :[]

Onto the afternoon route clean up:

Midway through December I've been going through the afternoon route and making adjustments as I go! It was a lot of fun to do since I don't think I've played this route since maybe.. the early start of spring? Overall, it gave me a chance to have a fresh perspective of what needs to be adjusted.

I'm still aiming for a meaningful slow-burn build up. :]

I cleaned up the dialog by combining sentences together and slightly removed certain key-words sentences to balance the pacing during this scene. I want some of the talking points the player(Y/N) mentions to happen later in the game since this is still the half of just Day 3. Noah and the player(Y/N) interacting with each other has also been adjusted but not by too much.

The cooking scene:

I wanted the closeness build-up to feel more rewarding so I added 1-2(ish) more choices during the lunch scene and dialed back the dialog so it doesn't drag on too long for both "Chicken" and "Vegetable" choice . I also added a couple of callbacks here too that in canon with how Noah reacts to what you add into the soup! I won't mention any specifics but there is a post or two in the #Get to know: Noah I answered recently that discusses what type of foods he enjoys. :]

The noise scene:

I don't have too much to say about this because not much was changed outside of dialog adjustments and removing key-words sentences to balance the pacing during this scene.

The sewing scene:

I really loved what was already here and it was a lot of fun coming back to this because I was getting better at writing cozy/warm-like scenes around that time. :,D

I'm trying to be very careful when it comes to adjusting this part. The only thing I wanted to do is put a better emphasizes on how Noah truly felt when he caught you sneaking around. In the [Extended Demo], it felt as though you sort-of get punished for picking the choice that shows this because you don't gain any closeness with Noah. In good news around this time my play-tester was able to take a look into what I was doing and did a couple of playthroughs. A lot of good advice was exchanged and it really gave me a better outlook on what to do about this. I still have the original set-up jussttt in case. :,]

This is about where I left off since I didn't get to the final section of this route but I am surprised with how much was completed. I'm really excited about it because that means I'm closer to working on Day 4! :,D

If you like what I create, please consider supporting what I do on kofi [Here]! All donations and tips help tremendously while I continue to work on the game. Since the battery to my computer still dead I might open up chibi commissions through here BUT i need time to figure it out. Thank you to those that optionally bought the [Extended Demo] on itch.io. :,]

Q&A / Ask box is open:

Thank you to everyone that recently sent in asks! I see them and at some point I will respond, I appreciate the small influx of interest! :,D

To know and understand Noah through Asks and random posts about lore, they'll be under #Get to know: Noah ! :]

**Some asks won't be answered if it contains spoilers but I do appreciate what I receive. :]

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask here or on itch.io please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I enjoy hearing from you guys!

Anywho, that's all I have to share right now. Thank you to everyone's continued support, especially those that have been here since the beginning and have been very patient! I wholeheartedly appreciate it. :,]

[fireintheimpala]

McLennon Playlists

I have been working putting together some McLennon playlists. I mean "McLennon" pretty broadly and vaguely with these lists, so choose your own adventure. It's a useful short portmanteau for for the creative partnership of Lennon/McCartney. But I do also think there is a powerful human relationship here, disregarded from the classic Beatles narrative. And I think this relationship is pivotal to much of their songwriting.

This is a work in progress but here are the acts so far:

Act I: The Beatles before India '68. This is a foundational period. For the most part, I don't think these songs are consciously referencing each other. Rather, they providing a foundation for future references. That said, I think Hide Your Love Away deserves a second look.

Act II: The Beatles after India '68. The contrast is remarkable. Not everything on this list is written by Lennon/McCartney. I think George's While My Guitar Gently Weeps is actually the best expression for the whole time. Anyway, they're breaking up. Passionately. Chronology is a total mash since most of these songs were written or produced in a small period of time.

Act III: The 70's up through approximately 1975. Here especially the chronology of songs begins to be sacrificed for highlighting some back and forth. I personally find their mirroring right after the Beatles--with the front and center band wives and antipodal messages right when they're sending each other cutting missives through hit singles--hilarious. But after that you get this escalating back and forth in moods. Still sent through international hits! Lol. Which they simply presume will work. Anyway, if you listen in order, the positivity increases. Unfortunately, a playlist shift is required once John returns to Yoko in 75ish.

Act IV: '76ish through 1980. After a period of musical productivity and reconnecting with old friends including McCartney, John returns to Yoko. Let's not weight into that but merely note that it changes all music vibes for both musicians. John goes completely silent for 5 years, except for later release home demos. (I'm using Spotify for this which doesn't have most of Lennon's demos unfortunately. But the demos for Free as a Bird and Real Love are recorded during this time so those songs are included. Now and Then demo also, but c'mon let's save that.) McCartney in the meantime writes a series of IMPASSIONED songs about things like his baby who won't call him back, and his lover who needs to beware. Idk what is going on with Wings in production, but LIVE he is absolutely wailing. He starts '76 going on tour worldwide with every song so far I would ever include in these lists. He wails into that void so hard... Things dip, but then escalate back up in 1980. Coming Up. Starting Over Again. But then unfortunately...

Act V: Post Dec 8, 1980. Pending. There's a lot here, but it's so sad it's taking me awhile.

Please contribute suggestions if I've missed relevant songs!

I'll be working on providing more details explanations of some song inclusions.

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog 36 | 11.26.23 ๋࣭⭑

:rises from the dead: I'm.... BAAAAACK!!!!!!

Long time, no talk (kinda) everyone! I hope you've been happy, healthy, and well since we last saw each other and that the wind-down for the year is being kind to you all <3

We have a lot to catch up on, so let's do just that ^^ This is.... so long. I'm really sorry in advance tbh---I thought I hadn't done much because break, but there's quite a bit to show.

It's been a while since a formal update on the routes, so I'll start by telling you all where they officially stand. Before I do, it might be helpful to tell you all how I define percentage completion in my head. Basically, when I finish the draft of a route, I consider it 70% complete. This means I could ship it as is. I wouldn't be happy with the product, but it's playable and makes enough sense---just not the best quality.

When Wudgey finishes their edits, a route is 80%-85% complete, meaning I could ship it as is. I think it'd be pretty good actually and players would be happy. Beyond this point, I am just making fine tuning edits to incorporate more player interaction, polishing the flow of things, etc.

After that, there's basically only Elm and Vi's edits left. When Elm finishes, a route is 95% complete. Again, I think at this point, it's good. Like edits from this point onwards are purely for polishing purpose. After Vi, it's 98% complete. Then the last review comes back to Elm and I for it to be 100% complete. Right now, this is where the routes stand:

Kayn: 98% Complete

Fenir: 95% Complete

Druk: 80% Complete

Etza: 60% Complete (Still working on their draft!)

Do Not ask me about Kuna'a or Aisa LFMASOEIDJ

So most of the routes are actually looking pretty good! They're just getting bounced around to different editors at this point, but the changes made for most of them are basically small. Fenir and Kayn especially could be shipped as is in my eyes if I really wanted to.

Art recently has mostly been focused on commissions. Vui actually is almost done with ALL of the BGs for Alaris!! Isn't that crazy?? In about a year, he was able to create almost 25 BGs with daytime variations!!! He's a phenomenal artist, and I couldn't be happier to be working with him. It's also a bit bittersweet (and alarming??) to know that part of development is already close to ending! q.q

The most exciting art update I have is that we got the GUI assets finished and I've started coding them into the game!! AAAA!! These were the final updated assets I needed, and seeing the fully revamped demo come to life has been so.... Emotional HAHA! It's crazy to see how far Alaris has come from when I was first making it with my little fingies and throwing things together like paper mache. I'm incredibly in love with how all the assets look together, and I couldn't be more grateful for the artists who helped me update the assets!

Updated History Log. Please say you like the dividers between entries---I'm most proud of those

I'm still making my way through coding everything, but here's a couple screen previews so you all can see how things now look in the game!!

First off, is the Dialogue/Choice Screen. You can see that we have a brand new dialogue box (She's Stunning) and Choice Screen! I'm hoping to add some sfx for the choices when you hover over them, and sfx for the new UI in general so there's more user feedback when you click and hover on things. But for now, enjoy this preview of the new dialogue box, choice screen, and the new personality indicators!

Updated Dialogue/Choice Screen: You can't see it as well in GIF format, but the BG also has particles floating around, so there's a tiny bit of animation going on in some of the BGs as well!!

Next, we have the Free Time Screen. I actually posted this on Twitter recently but I don't think I posted it on Tumblr! ISN'T SHE STUNNING... ESPECIALLY WITH THE NEW BGS.... I'm especially happy with the text animations that show up at the bottom when you hover over the different choices! I was inspired by a couple other devs (specifically GUI god, @siyo-koy, and renpy animation master @just-a-carrot) to start incorporating animation style elements into my GUI. And I really like how it adds a little ~something~ to the feel of everything ^^

Updated Free Time Screen: begging someone to say they like the text animation so I feel validated for finangling with it

Finally, for our last preview, we have the Save Screen! While it looks new obviously with the new assets, I also did a lot of backend coding revamping for how it actually functions since my coding experience is a bit better now compared to when I was first fighting for my life figuring out save/load screens. The biggest change for you all is that there are now chapter markers so save slots will tell you what chapter that save file is from! And instead of screenshots, it's now a custom icon inside that shows the chapter card. I think it'll make the save screen look more cohesive now and hopefully more intuitive as well!!

Updated Save Screen: With a sprinkle of updated Chapter Card screen preview

That was long. Are any of us surprised, considering I had two months' worth of devlogs piled inside of me, begging to burst from the seams?

Anyways. Only two miscellaneous updates. One is that all soundtracks have been completed for Alaris! Peter finished the last of them recently, and they're all beautiful!!! For ppl who love piano soundtracks... :holds hand in piano lover solidarity:

Other update is that I finally fixed that godforsaken sprite bug that was associated with the energy vision feature from the demo!!! FINALLY!!! AFTER.... SO LONG. Extremely huge thanks to @robobarbie for taking time out of their day to do that; everyone please say thank you!!!!! OGs know how long that bug was bothering me!!!! Robo also gave me a pretty new rain code, so I'm showing you how both look in the new demo so you can appreciate them with me!!

Last miscellaneous update is more on a.... logistical development level?? Basically, now that I have new GUI assets to code, that means I can get a beta build of the routes currently written out. I was feeling really overwhelmed by that idea because most of this year has been focused on writing and making assets, not really coding. Knowing that I can Code and get Playable Builds out to people was stressful because I have to divvy up my time a bit more.

After an extremely insightful talk with beloved and admired Esh of @steamberrystudio I decided I'm probably going to be shifting how development goes from here on out. Instead of focusing head low on getting as many words written for the remaining routes everyday, I'm going to be making smaller but consistent progress and spend the rest of my time coding so that I can have more of a continuous cycle of production going on (e.g., writing a bit, making playable builds, gathering playtester feedback, etc. instead of doing each stage in blocked, sequential order).

I'm mainly telling you all this because it means writing updates will probably seem slower from this point on, but I think production overall will be more efficient because of it! This is also exciting news for playtesters and/or early access backers/patrons because it means you'll have playable content in the near future for content outside of just the demo :')

have u all heard of wudgeous of herotome. of course u have. they r all i talk about at this point

No market research because I've actually been addicted to BG3 LFMAOLSDJF. Actually, I'm taking some inspiration from it for the personality mechanic but eh.

On a more important note, @herotome demo is coming out December 2nd!!!! PLAY IT WITH ME. Wudgey is my editor, so you might think I'm biased but I'M NOT!!! I WAS A FAN OF HEROTOME BEFORE WUDGEY EVEN WORKED W ME!!! They have an exception eye for detail and player experience, and they are actually one of the devs that inspired me to even get into game development.

I just know the demo is going to blow everyone's socks off. OG Herotome prologue build fans know exactly what I'm talking about. Please mark December 2nd on your calendar---you will not regret it.

This was so unbelievably long, but I hope it's appreciated since there was no real devlog update for a hot minute. As always, Thank you all for your patience and continued support. With the year ending soon, I'm getting wrapped up in my feels in usual Crescence fashion. I am a Cancer so no one is surprised.

Next month will probably be more of an end-of-year devlog rather than the usual format. I know the devlogs of late have been all over the place, but once we get into the new year, it will be back to business as usual! Hope you all have a wonderful end to your year; I'll talk to you soon! <3

[homkamiro]

I LOVE THE TF2 MLP AU SM. it gives me sm nostalgia to when i was a kid and i and everyone in the fandom made pony aus of franchises we liked- im so happy cringe is dead and tradition is alive 🥹

ALSO THE INFECTION AU POST. GOOD SHIT;!;!!!!!!!!!! gore and body horror are inseparable from (hopefully only the mature part of) the mlp fandom and i felt so giddy jumping for joy kicking my feet up seeing that it had a resurgence!! Your post of this au with your tf2 ponies was my introduction to it!!! Nature is healinggggg

That post is BOMB. WE GOT: 1) HEAVYMEDIC ANGST. 2) PYRO & ENGIE ANGST. 3) BOOTS & BOMBS ANGST. 4) DADSPY ANGST. 5) SNIPER ANGST. ITS GIVING💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽 and the way the disease spreads differently for all of them is so creative!!!!!! Engie wants to sever the infected body part but cant cus its on his back and he needs medics help for that (and med is way too far gone to do any operation), and scout doesn't want his wings severed even tho that would save him cus he still wants to fly!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

also soldier misinterpreting the request is so good. And pyro wanting to help but not being allowed to cus they'd try to burn engie. Demo drinking himself to death cus he cant handle seeing his friend in the state that he's in. Sniper disappearing cus he wants to be with his parents during this horrible time even tho they have a strained relationship. Spy wanting his son to live through this so much that he's planning to sever his wings himself. And heavyyyyyy. Heavy breaking his heart everyday still taking care of medic knowing he's going to have to kill the love of his life soon. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Anyways sorry for fuckin. Screaming in your asks and basically just repeating what you wrote sgjdjd. I just really love this au (and especially that comic with scout, medic and engie!!!) and the infection au post made me so nostalgic to the early days of the mlp fandom that the adhd went mental and i had to shout about it lol- feel free to not respond to this! Youre awesome! Keep doing you!!!!!!

(also youre really good at drawing gore????? Hello teach me pls)

WHAT A BIG FEEDBACK OHMYGODヽ⁠(⁠(⁠◎⁠д⁠◎⁠)⁠)⁠ゝ

Anyway I'm really super puper glad you liked my au!! I was a little hesitant to post it, since AU in AU sounds weird but I'm glad I thought otherwise - cringe culture should be dead!! Mix your hyperfixations it's good for your health!!!

AND AHHHHGGGGGH You noticed so many details thankyouuu🥺💗💗💗The best thing about this AU is that every ship and brotp can work so well in this story. Engie first helping Medic but then ending up being also infected??? Spy checking up on Engie and making him eat since he's too stressed to take a break??? Demo, Heavy and Pyro comforting each other after loosing their friends??? Spy and Scout both raging on Sniper for leaving like a coward??? Or maybe Heavy, as an earth pony, comforts Scout after he just got his wings amputated??? So many possibilities!!

Don't worry, I love when people are noticing all the details and just get,, really invested into my stuff, it really brings me joy and you made my day so much better!!🥺🥺I feel honestly a little insecure, since my pony designs and thoughts may not be the best, but I'm glad that so many people still like my mlp×tf2 stuff!! It's really endearing to know that finally something I like making is also likable to you!

About gore -- I have no idea😭I love gore but it's a pain to draw properly and scary, you'd need practice and references (I mostly use art references since yknow,,,real photos can make me sick)

[13eyond13]

Hey Bloz! How r u? I cannot even begin to express how fun it’s been to see ur Beatles posts on my dash. the minute I saw the Real Love demo I was like ok… she’s fallen down the rabbit hole XD I was fixated on them last year for a good few months. It was a lot of fun reading about them, watching their movies, and reading fan analyses online. There’s so much out there! And Beatles rpf is a whole world unto itself lol at first I was skeptical of it but then… I was intrigued haha

Do u have any fave songs or albums? :)

Omg hello Jess!! I miss you and it's so nice to hear from you 🫂

Hahaha YES I'm pretty deep into The Beatles lore rabbit hole already, it's been my main fixation for entertainment for the past month or so. You're right, there's just so much to dig into. Caught me totally by surprise, I feel like I'm so late to the game to just be having a Beatles phase now... I never felt extremely interested in learning about them before, but a randomly recommended YouTube video (x) about how it's reductive to blame the band's breakup solely on Yoko Ono drew me into this whole fascination a few weeks back.

😆 And hah, you must have sent this ask to me right before I deleted that "Real Love" demo reblog, because I thought I'd better delete it after I looked in the notes of the post and saw the OP wasn't taking kindly to anybody questioning if John was actually giggling instead of sobbing there (which is what I think he was doing, personally... but it still sounded like he was writing something about Paul? 🤷‍♀️ idk, doesn't need to be crying for it to still be a bit of an eyebrow raiser, imo)

I haven't actually really looked into any rpf yet, just digesting the "canon" material and whatnot (listening chronologically to their discography and not completely finished with that yet, up to halfway through the White album rn). Been watching their movies and behind the scenes stuff and documentaries (the Get Back one by Peter Jackson was fascinating even for a relatively new fan to watch, imo), reading a bigass biography about them (Tune In by Mark Lewisohn, it's like this great slowburn real-time mosey through the band's childhoods and earliest days together), and watching the occasional YouTube video deep dives (this one series in particular is p beautifully made and impressively researched and really got me in the feels regarding the shippy theories about J&P: [x])

As for my faves of their music, I haven't finished listening to 100% of their albums yet, BUT right now I'm actually very partial to some of their earliest records. I feel like some of their more normie stuff from the early 60s is actually the most fantastic fun to listen to, and Please Please Me and A Hard Day's Night might be the two albums with the most bangers that I never want to skip so far. Their more experimental and psychedelic and surreal later stuff is also interesting and arguably more unique and groundbreaking or creative or whatever, but I'm not as familiar with them outside of the main extremely famous tracks on them yet, and I'll need to finish listening and let them grow on me a bit before I can probably say for sure. However I think so far my faves from their later stuff would probs be Magical Mystery Tour, Abbey Road, and possibly the White Album (once I actually finish listening to it).

John is definitely my favourite Beatle, which was actually a complete surprise to me, I thought he'd be my least fave. And there are so many good bops that it's hard to narrow it down, but some of my personal faves so far are I Saw Her Standing There, I Should Have Known Better, I Want to Hold Your Hand, It Won't be Long, A Hard Day's Night, Do You Want to Know a Secret, Oh! Darling, I Want You (She's So Heavy) and If I Fell... hmm, I think maybe I'm just kinda a sucker for their simple and enthusiastic and joyful love songs the most, usually?

Thank you for sending me this sweet ask! I'd love to hear what some of your faves are too 🧡

[xpiester333x]

Here's my review on Metaphor: Refantazio after being 5h in and not quite done with the demo:

First let me say if you're on the fence about getting this game or not, try the demo. It's available on Steam, PS, and Xbox. It's free. It's ~5h, more or less depending on how much you want to play around with it. The save data can carry over if you decide to buy the game. See if it's fun for you. I talk about performance and graphics on my PC, but see how it works on your system too.

And with that, on to my review.

Graphics & Performance:

I saw a lot of Steam reviews saying they were having a lot of performance issues with the game, even on high-end computers. I didn't really experience anything like that. There was one scene really early in the demo, like an intro narrator bit where it was panning over a map and for some reason that did have some dropped frames and stuttering, but it was only for those 5 seconds and I haven't had a repeat since. I did max the graphics settings and uncap the frames and still had no issues.

I should also say, I don't have a super high-end computer. However, my computer is still pretty nice so maybe on much lower end PCs there would be some issues. I tried min settings as well and honestly didn't see too much of a difference in quality. If you did need to run it in lower graphics, it would still look fantastic.

And it DOES look fantastic. I've noticed there is a lot of different art styles going on. There are animated cutscenes just like in persona where you kind of just watch an anime. There are gameplay cutscenes, where you are watching the 3D characters models in their scene. I noticed the surroundings take on the same level and detail as the characters in these scenes. Then you have the gameplay graphics, which have an almost stylized sort of living painting feel to them.

You'd think having that many styles going on would be chaotic and immersion ruining but honestly it's kind of seamless.

Gameplay:

As is typical of an Atlus game, I'm only just barely getting out of the tutorial, even being 5 hours in. Now that I'm kind of getting into the flow of combat, I genuinely really like it. I wasn't sure how I was going to like a combat system so different from their current IPs (what do you mean there is no demons??) But overall I think they've managed to keep the spirit of their games alive and well while still trying something new for them. I also love that they stuck with the P5R system of being able to kill enemies lower than you without having to go through the whole turn based process, but also made it slightly more involved. They're really leaned into the hybrid action/turn-based gameplay and it's very satisfying.

Archetypes hold the spirit of personas or demons in that you can level them up and build them to suit your characters, but they come with the advantage of your entire party getting to mix and match. Also like personas, you strengthen and enhance them more through social bonds. Thus far in the demo I've gotten as far as unlocking them so I'm not really sure how ranking them plays out quite yet.

By far my favorite part of the game play right now is that if your protagonist dies, it's NOT game over. In fact as long as you have 1 party member standing, the show will go on. Also at the end of the fight your dead characters will revive (with 1hp) and still gain all the xp from the fight.

Some really cool bits that I personally think make the game more fun and challenging: there are many different status effects, but they are divided into 2 categories, physical and mental. Mental status effects expire after the battle, but physical status effects persist. It's a cool little blend of old JRPG punishment with new age JRPG simplicity. (Ask me how I feel about it later when I'm suffering.) Also turn icons, like in SMT, are back. They work relatively the same, which I've always found to be fun, but does make the game a little more challenging. And finally, there is auto-battling if you want to engage it. It will repeat the actions you used prior to engaging it, so if you have a flow going, it does make that kind if easier.

My complaints so far are: for the first few battle areas, your party members are on auto. It's not really fun, and frankly their AI is bad. It's not a long time, but it's more than I liked to see. Also enemies can spawn in right in front of, next to, or behind you where they were not before. This makes it harder (impossible if youre me) to avoid getting ambushed, and honestly feels counterintuitive for a game that's primary gameplay design is strategicly deciding when to attack and when to engage in turn-based combat.

Story:

I am 5 hours in, which in the terms of Atlus games is like, .5%. So I can't really tell you a ton about the story yet. I can say it's interesting. The whole concept is something so fresh for Atlus, and I am eager to know more about the story, the world, the different races, the humans, everything. They have built a solid foundation I absolutely want to see the completion of.

And the characters? I would die for them. Atlus has proven they can write characters with strong bonds and beautiful friendships that will make me go absolutely feral and I can already tell this is where these characters are going as well. I cannot wait. Plus the character designing in this game is above and beyond.

In conclusion, this game has so much potential and promise. I can already tell it's going to be an experience to play though (in a positive way). It's doing a lot that feels very new for Atlus, while remaining true to their current franchises and what makes them so good. I had my doubts about their releasing a brand new IP for their 35th anniversary, but honestly this is perfect. This game pays homage to what already makes their games so good while also showcasing a broad future.

Oh and the soundtrack is absolutely insane. It's Shoji Meguro so of course it's great but I'd be remiss not to mention it anyway.

[maleyanderecafe]

Your favorite yandere visual novels? PS:can you reccomend some for me?

Hmmm, good question. I think most of the yandere visual novels I like tend to be ones that are less well known since I've played so many (as a person who has to feed my blog), I tend to like more unique yandere games instead of those which are more popular. And also anything that has a sub yandere (personality or otherwise) tends to have my heart as well. That being said, there are some more popular yanderes on here too just because I do like some of those ones as well.

Cemetery Mary - I'm procrastinating on doing a recommendation on this one because I want to also play Blackout Hospital since it goes a bit more into the yandere, but I really like how this story is and how is shows the reveal of the yandere. Mary is also very cute and a very interesting and fun main character.

The Snake's Taken a Spouse - this one is r18 and plays more like Degrees of Lewdity, and the artwork isn't that good, but Shimil is... charming. I like him and I feel bad for everything that he has to go through. It's cool seeing how he tries his best for you.

Sweetest Valentine/Where Two Flowers Meet - I'm lumping these two together mostly because I just like the way that Syllphan writes stories. They both are very different from each other but have pretty interesting takes on yanderes. I need to double check if For Amerta has one, but even if it doesn't I'll probably still love the game.

Karamu - Karamu... is just really well done. I really like stylized games and Karamu does it wonderfully with it's blue color scheme and comic book like aesthetic. Plus we get to slowly unveil the mystery the main character has gotten herself into.

Stuck in a Yandere Visual Novel.... Help!! - from what I played in the first demo, I really like the comedy in this one. It knows the yandere trope pretty well so I like how they play around with it. Everything is kind of in a cutesy pink aesthetic, which is also a fun thing. I really need to get around to finishing the game.

ITYH: Horror Otome/Saccharine - Saccharine is less of a visual novel, but like with Syllhan, I really like Amiralo's writing style. Most of their stories are bittersweet with not so happy endings in a lot of them, and very interesting yanderes overall.

Mushroom Oasis - I'm pretty guilty of trying to get a bunch of people to play the game but listen, Mycheal is very cute and I really like his design. The creator is still working on it and it has become one of the most popular yandere games under the yandere tag on itch.io, so that's probably a good sign right?

Froot Basket Valentine / Froot Basket Dark Chocolate - Dark Chocolate is a prequel to Valentine, but they are both fun to play through. Valentine is a bit more goofy since you see everyone's heads as fruits for the most part while Dark Chocolate is far darker. But it is cool seeing how the yandere progresses in each of these stories.

Heart Fragment - very well made game, though Kay is kind of a light but clingy yandere. And boy do I love my clingy yanderes. Still this is probably one of those games that we play more for the story rather than the yandere. Still would totally recommend it because it is very, VERY well made.

The Science of Staying Awake - big fan of the concept of someone- Something that so desperately wants to hold you but also drives you insane if you do? That's very cool and the horror on that is really creepy if you think about it and also a bit sad.

Kimbark Street - I like seeing the point of view of yanderes, or just any character that is on the more evil side. You can really see how their obsession drives them and what they will do to get what they want, whether the person they love knows it or not.

You can probably see I don't have as many dark yandere games on this list, which is mostly because while I do enjoy darker yandere content (in terms of murder sims and whatnot) I also am not the target audience for them since I love to torture my yanderes, not be tortured by them. Still, I can admit that they are fun to play through. I have a lot more that I like, but here is hopefully a good list of games that you too might enjoy.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

From Hell to Home to Back Again

Summary: At the talent show, Chrissy Cunningham is so hungry that she nearly collapses. When she's found by Hopper, her parents ended up losing custody of her. She ends up being placed in the care of the Hendersons, and she finally finds the family she so desperately needed. She also ends up falling in love. What other changes are made in this alternate universe?

A/N: Some dialogue from FOI.

@emen-98 @1lostsoul0fishbowl @vulpixsworld

Prologue . . . Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chrissy didn't try to find Eddie the next day or the following Monday. She listened as Ronnie told her all about what happened in the recording studio Sunday, how it started off very rocky, but once they worked through their nerves, it turned out really awesome.

"Okay, enough about me," Ronnie said. "You were really distant on Friday. I was pretty much busy all weekend. Anyway, did anything happen? Did you finally get to talk to Eddie like you wanted to?"

"Uh, yeah," Chrissy said. "So, the demo is sent out, huh?"

"Don't change the subject, Henderson," Ronnie said.

"You're my friend, right?" Chrissy asked. "I mean, no matter what happens between me and Eddie?"

"Duh," Ronnie said.

"I think I'm done with Eddie," Chrissy frowned.

"Shit, what did the dumbass say?" She asked.

"He said the one thing that could drive me away," Chrissy said. "I was just trying to stop him from pushing me away, so I showed up at his house. I met his dad when he wasn't there yet, and God, he's definitely a conman. I think he's conning Eddie into something, and I think it might be something serious. I think that Wayne tried to talk Eddie out of whatever it is."

"What did he say?" Ronnie asked softly.

"He said I was crazy like my mom," Chrissy said.

"Shit, doesn't he know that your birth mom is in Pennhurst?" She asked.

"Yeah," Chrissy said.

"Fucking dick," Ronnie said. "I'm going ram my drumstick - "

"Ronnie! Look, he's clearly being self-destructive, and if he doesn't want me around to watch that, then so be it," Chrissy said. "I know he didn't mean for that to slip out."

"You're too forgiving, Chrissy Henderson. He doesn't deserve you," Ronnie said.

"This Eddie doesn't. I know the Eddie I fell for is still in there, hiding behind fear," Chrissy said, frowning. "But that doesn't mean that I'm not still pissed at him. And that doesn't mean that he's going to get off lightly if he does get his head out of his ass."

"Are you going to make him suffer?" Ronnie asked.

"I have ideas," Chrissy replied.

"Yes!"

Chrissy didn't look Eddie's way or bother to try to talk to him, and when he did try to approach her, it was her turn to scurry away. She didn't talk to him until Wednesday afternoon, when she turned the corner to discover him being pinned face first against the lockers by Tommy Hayes and Jason Carver. Connor was there, too.

"Hey! Let him go!" Chrissy yelled.

"What are you willing to do for me if we do let him go?" Jason asked.

"Well, I'll let you keep your equipment for one thing," Chrissy said, narrowing her eyes at him and Eddie snorted.

"Shut up, freak!" Tommy yelled at Eddie.

There were two Tommy Hs in this school. There was Tommy Hagan, who was an asshole but too much of a coward to actually do what this Tommy was doing. It was what had made it easy to hang out with him when Steve had been friends with Tommy Hagan. No, this Tommy H was far worse. Where Tommy Hagan was dark-haired with freckles littering his body, Tommy Hayes was blond haired with fair skin that was free of moles or freckles. Tommy Hagan always held a sliver of humanity beneath his bitchyness and snark. It always told Chrissy that this was something that he was eventually going to grow out of. Hayes held a darkness in his eyes, telling her that this was always going to be a part of him. Jason held an almost similar simmering darkness in his eyes, but it wavered slightly when Chrissy looked at him pleadingly.

"Don't do this, please," Chrissy said.

"He was breaking into a classroom," Jason said furiously.

"I was given permission! We were told we could use it for Hellfire!" Eddie exclaimed.

"I believe him, Jason. Let him go. It doesn't give you the right to do this," Chrissy said. "You don't have to be like this. You guys don't have to be enemies. His interest in the game isn't going to hurt you. It's just a fantasy game. You play your game, and he plays his. Leave him alone."

"Where's the fun in that, Cunningham?" Tommy H asked.

"Henderson," Chrissy, Eddie, and Jason corrected.

Jason stepped closer to her, and Eddie struggled against the others' grips.

"Leave her alone!" Eddie yelled.

"Serious answer here, Chrissy. What are you going to do for me if we let him go?" Jason asked.

"Are you seriously asking me that? Date you, and you leave Eddie alone?" Chrissy asked.

"Yes," Jason said hopefully.

"Don't!" Eddie cried out. "You don't have to do that, Chrissy. I'll be okay."

Chrissy stared at him as Tommy H pressed Eddie's face into the locker, their hands holding his arms so tightly that she knew they were leaving bruises. She looked into his wide brown eyes, so full of sorrow.

"Eddie," Chrissy whispered.

"I'm sorry, Chrissy, I'm sorry," Eddie wimpered.

"You really love this freak?" Jason said furiously, his jaw clenching.

Before Chrissy could answer, there came a scream, and Gareth was running toward them. Ronnie was running after him, trying to hold him back, but he was determined. He slammed his elbow into Tommy H's stomach, causing him to bend over. It allowed Eddie to push back against Connor and turn around. Tommy grabbed Gareth, holding him tightly.

"Get off of him," Eddie told him.

"Your freak king thinks I should do what he says," Tommy sneered, and Gareth spat in his eyes. "You little shit!"

He started dragging Gareth away. Chrissy went to chase after, but Jason grabbed her arm. She reacted quickly and slammed her knee into his groin before swinging her fist into his face as well. Jason cursed.

"Let me go," Gareth said.

"I'm going to kill you," Tommy spat at him.

Chrissy saw the look in Tommy's eyes at the same time that Eddie did. This wasn't just something that you say in the heat of the moment. He meant it. Tommy drove his knee into Gareth's chest, sending the boy to his knees. Chrissy rushed at him, but Jason, who was kneeling on the floor, grabbed Chrissy's ankle, causing her to fall hard against the tile and the other lockers. Her head hit the metal, and she gasped in pain, feeling the blood beginning to spill from her split eyebrow. Looks like she was going to have another scar. She shot her other foot out, slamming it into his face.

"Chrissy," Jason said, his nose bleeding and his eyes wide as he gazed at her.

"Chrissy!" Eddie yelled.

She stood up shakily, and they both watched as Tommy kicked Gareth forcibly in the head. Gareth flew back into the lockers with a loud crunch. He gasped and curled up on the ground, clutching his wrist. Chrissy was feeling a little woozy and tried to stop Tommy from picking up Gareth, but he pushed her down. Meanwhile, Eddie was trying to escape Connor, but it was no use. Tommy pulled Gareth up, the kid letting out a painful wimper. His arm went back as he tried to punch Gareth in the face. Ronnie, however, intervened by stepping in between them and taking the blow that was meant for Gareth.

"Are you done?" Ronnie demanded. "Or do you want to show off by beating up a freshman some more?"

"That's enough," Higgins voice spoke.

Higgins' eyes took in the scene. He moved to Jason and the others, finally landing on Eddie. He glared accusingly at him, like it was fault. No, why wouldn't it be the people who were actually responsible? Chrissy glared at Higgins. They were all brought to his office, except for Gareth. He was on his way to the hospital. Chrissy refused to go, instead fixed up her cut right there in the main office, glaring at Jason as she did so. Her eye was going to bruise. She just knew it. The other two were playing with their detention slips, but Jason was starting to look guilty, at least. Chrissy tossed her bloody tissue at him as she followed Eddie into Higgins' office.

"Miss Cunningham, I didn't ask you to come in here yet," Higgins said.

"I know, I came in here to make sure you listened to what actually happened and not just outright accuse Eddie," Chrissy said with a forced smile. "And for God's sake, it's Henderson."

"He knows what actually happened. Tommy Hayes made sure his parents bought him out," Eddie said. "How much is it going to cost them this time to bail him out? Three times the going rate? Maybe four? Maybe you get a new car this time. I've heard he's got a great stock of new Volvos."

"Are you finished? Wonderful," Higgins said. "Now. I’d like to run through the events of this afternoon with you because you seem to have an uncanny ability to ignore reality. Point one: After the final bell, you led your…club in breaking into a teacher’s classroom without that teacher’s knowledge or consent. Point two: when Mr. Hayes and his friends discovered your trespass. You goaded them into attacking —"

"That's bullshit!" Eddie and Chrissy exclaimed.

"Eddie works his ass off to clean classrooms to get permission to have a place for Hellfire," Chrissy scowled. "Those assholes were trying to hurt Eddie for his own amusement. He ran so they'd go after him instead of his friends."

"Miss Cunningham - "

"For the last goddamn time, IT'S HENDERSON!" Chrissy yelled.

"—which leads me to point three: in the ensuing altercation, four students were injured, one badly enough to send him to the hospital. Do I have that, right?" Higgins asked, ignoring Chrissy.

“No! We were minding our business, and those guys jumped us!"

Higgins shakes his head.

"A child is in the hospital, and you are sitting here whining and pointing fingers," he told Eddie.

Higgins sighed and pulled out a piece of paper. He slid it towards Eddie.

"What is this?" Eddie asked.

Chrissy peered over his shoulder to read it with him. Apparently, Stan's mom had taken him out of school when she found out he was in Hellfire and stuck him into a program to free him from his satantic influence. Chrissy cursed under her breath.

"I want to make this very clear, Munson," he continued. "What happened to Stanley is your fault. So is every bruise on every student sitting out in that office. So, is the child currently awaiting an orthopedic surgeon at Hawkins Memorial. ‘Oblique displaced fracture.’ That’s what the paramedics told me. ‘Lucky if he avoids nerve damage.’ I’m not sure what that means, exactly, but I do know it means it will be at least eight weeks until he can use that arm again."

"How about placing the actual blame on the kids who hurt him for no goddamn reason? Eddie was trying to protect his friends, and in turn, Gareth tried to do the same. Gareth wouldn't have gotten hurt if you hadn't set your little minions on trying to hurt Eddie," Chrissy glared at him. "You're supposed to be an educator, but instead, you're turning this place into a battlefield and turning these kids against each other."

"Miss Cunningham, get out of this office, I will deal with you later," Higgins sighed.

"Chrissy - " Eddie started to say.

"NO!" Chrissy yelled. "I won't let you do this to him."

Higgins ignored her, proceeding to tell Eddie how Hellfire was finished. How Higgins had persuaded the staff not to let Eddie use their classrooms for his club. He told Eddie that they needed a faculty sponsor, and Eddie jumped at the chance to tell him that he'll find a sponsor, that he'll register the club.

"I'm asking you not to," Higgins said, and Chrissy didn't like the tone of his voice. "Let's talk about Veronica Ecker."

"She doesn't have anything to do with this, " Eddie and Chrissy said.

"This afternoon, she was involved in a serious brawl on school property. This is the sort of act that universities find…shall we say, significant? Or maybe the better word would be consequential. Which is to say, there are often consequences." He shook his head. "We were all so proud of her for overcoming her beginnings. NYU! A marvelous school. A terrific opportunity for a bright young woman. And to pile on a full scholarship on top of that achievement?”

Chrissy felt like someone punched her in the stomach, and she could only watch as Higgins blackmailed Eddie into dropping out. She grabbed Eddie's shoulder, gripping it tightly.

"Why me?" Eddie asked. "You’re right. I’m number one on the shit list of everybody in this school. In this town. And I honestly don’t know how I got there. I was hoping you did since you’ve got such a clear picture of what I should be doing with my life."

"Because it's just who you are," Higgins said.

"Eddie, it's not who you are. We can figure this out. We can talk to Hop," Chrissy pleaded with him.

"Ronnie's your friend, too, Chrissy," Eddie whispered. "Could you live with it? If she lost everything because. . .because of me."

"Eddie," Chrissy said softly.

Looking at him, she knew there wasn't anything that she could do to change his mind. He already made it up.

"Then congratulations, Principal Higgins," Eddie said. "You're looking at Hawkins High's newest dropout."

He didn't bother waiting to hear what he had to say, Eddie stormed out of the office. Chrissy gave Higgins a withering glare before following Eddie. They both brushed past Ronnie, who looked confused.

"I need to talk to him first," Chrissy said quickly and ran out of the main office.

The hallway was empty as Eddie walked quickly away from her. She cursed her short legs as she hurried to catch up to him.

"Go away, Chrissy," Eddie said, his voice thick.

When she was close enough to him, she managed to grab his arm and pull him around to face her. Eddie was crying.

"You don't have to do this," Chrissy said softly.

"Except that I do. There's no other option for me," Eddie sniffled. "I can't stay here and watch people suffer because this whole fucking town is determined to hate me. I love this town, but their hatred is going to kill me. Chrissy, I can't stay, they won't let me."

"I'm sorry," she said softly, her heartbreaking for him.

"You would let me stay, though, wouldn't you?" He asked.

"In a heartbeat," she replied.

"I can't let them hurt you either," he said, shaking his head. "I know there isn't anything that I can do to make up for what I said. . ."

"You suffered enough, I think," Chrissy said.

She moved closer to Eddie and placed her hand on his chest. He placed his hand over hers and held it close to his heart.

"If I could, I would pick you up and put you in my pocket, take you with me," Eddie said. "Your place is still here, though."

"Yeah," she said, and the tears burst out of her. "This isn't fair!"

"I know, sweetheart," Eddie said and cupped her cheek with his free hand.

"Eddie, I lo - ," Chrissy started to say, but Eddie quickly put her hand over her mouth.

"If you say it, I'll stay," he whispered. "And I can't do that to Ronnie. I can't do that to you. If I stay, they'll keep hating me, and I'll just be this Eddie shaped ball of resentment knowing that they're going after the ones that I lo - ,"

Chrissy licked his hand, and he yelped, pulling his hand back.

"If you say it, I'll follow," she whispered, and he pulled her into a tight hug. "My freak."

"My witch," Eddie whispered.

"You know, we met once in middle school. We had this moment, so small, yet so significant. It should have just ended there, but who would have thought we would meet again years later," Chrissy said.

"Maybe we'll meet again," he said.

"I'll be in the front row of your very filled out concert, packed with fans. I'll be cheering for you," Chrissy said, more tears slipping out.

"I'll be singing for you," he whispered. "It's always for you."

Chrissy wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, burying her face into his chest. He held onto her, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. He pulled back, brushing her tears away with his thumb.

"I still owe you," Eddie said. "How about some ice cream?"

"Sounds perfect," Chrissy said.

They started walking out of the school, and Chrissy reached over to interlock their fingers together. It should feel like the end of something, but why does it feel like it was only the beginning?

Chapter Twelve

[gratuiciel]

"so long, my hero"

a tetta kisaki/takemichi hanagaki playlist

▶ listen here

track list and relevant lyrics under the cut

Epigone - Natsuko Nisshoku

if all it took to survive was enthusiasm, then anyone and everyone could be a hero

in order to protect, you'll have to take that leap

you won't reach for the sky just by stretching

THISKIDSNOTALRIGHT - AWOLNATION

i still don't know what i'm doing (fuck!)

Creep - Radiohead

you're so fucking special

i wish i was special

but i'm a creep, i'm a weirdo

what the hell am i doing here?

i don't belong here

Tigerlily - La Roux

i know you better than this

i could be here when you call

i'll make you top of the list

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring

there's something in your way and now someone is gonna pay

and if you can't get what you want, well it's all because of me

Domino Taoshi - Scop

it took a long time to set them up, didn't it?

but toppling them is the easiest thing, that's how human relationships are

Mr Brightside (Original Demo) - The Killers

jealousy, turning saints into the sea

swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis

Stalker's Tango - Autoheart

love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me more

than you possibly can

Grace Kelly (Acoustic) - MIKA

i could be wholesome i could be loathsome

guess i'm a little bit shy

why don't you like me? why don't you like me without making me try?

Anybody Else - Dom Fera

she said with friends like these who needs anybody else?

(You're The) Devil In Disguise - Elvis Presley

i thought that i was in heaven

but i was sure surprised

heaven help me, i didn't see

the devil in your eyes

The Pretender - Foo Fighters

what if i say i'm not just another one of your plays?

you're the pretender

what if i say i will never surrender?

Carry On - The Score & AWOLNATION

when the madness all around us starts to take its toll (i carry on)

it's a long dark winding road we're on

oh, i carry on

Penguins & Polarbears - Millencolin

so you got me up against the wall

and i'm only waiting for your fall

i'll get back on top and be carefree

it's not the end for me, no, it's not the end for me

Fireproof - The National

you keep a lot of secrets and i keep none

wish i could go back and keep some

Dancing With The Devil - Set It Off

you take your aim to point the blame

it's time we let it go

so save your lies, behind those eyes you're a devil in a disguise

La Camisa Negra - Juanes

what awful luck i had

on the day that i met you

Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down

i watched the world float to the dark side of the moon

after all i knew it had to be something to do with you

Are You Satisfied? - MARINA

high achiever don't you see?

baby nothing comes for free

they say i'm a control freak driven by a greed to succeed

nobody can stop me

Calling All Skeletons - Alkaline Trio

where did you go when the lights went black?

look what's become of me

i've grown to love your disappearing acts, do one more pretty please

Circus - Britney Spears

i'm like the ring leader, i call the shots

Immortals - Fall Out Boy

i'm still comparing your past to my future

it might be your wound but they're my sutures

Meimu Jealousy - Scop & Tsugumi Nagahara

i don't need your pity

just give me love

Slim Pickens Does The Right Thing And Rides The Bomb To Hell - The Offspring

snake is in the grass while you're living in the past

say what you gonna do?

yeah what you gonna do?

Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché - Escape The Fate

this blood on my hands is something i cannot forget

The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy

i'm gonna change you like a remix

then i'll raise you like a phoenix

Gladiator - Jann

is it everything and more than you were hoping for?

show us something we ain't never seen before

Rule #34 - Fish In A Birdcage

i have you strung

strung in my web

Sharks - Imagine Dragons

don't take it from me, i could be everything

Hatef--k - The Bravery

the only thing that i ask

love me mercilessly

Beggin' - Måneskin

i need you to understand

tried so hard to be your man

the kind of man you want in the end

only then can i begin to live again

Lay All Your Love On Me - ABBA

don't go sharing your devotion

lay all your love on me

The Sharpest Lives - My Chemical Romance

you're the one that i need

i'm the one that you loathe

RUNRUNRUN - Dutch Melrose

oh there she go, losing my head

say you'll love me to death

cause i will

Lonely Together - Avicii & Rita Ora

i might hate myself tomorrow

but i'm on my way tonight

Head Is Not My Home - MS MR

hard to believe

you could cause me harm

this could cause me harm

Numb - MARINA

i can't breathe and i can't smile

this better be worth my while

Karakuri Pierrot - 40mP & Asamakku

i am the pierrot you want me to be

pull my strings as you see fit

Admit Defeat - Bastille

you're the only voice in my head

i can hear you speaking louder than i'm thinking

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE - Måneskin

because i'm the devil who's searching for redemption

Pseudo-Hope Syndrome - DECO*27

you can let it all out if you want

if that's what will make you feel better

let's dilute today with tears

how many times has it been so far?

Ce Que L'on S'aime - Tryo

and we were the first ones surprised to be reaping what we sow

(here "what we sow/ce que l'on sème" is a wordplay that can also be read as "how much we love each other")

Strawberry Blond - Mitski

i love everybody because i love you

Company Calls Epilogue - Death Cab For Cutie

i'm dressed up for free drinks and family greetings

on your wedding, your wedding, your wedding day