#So I'm not being TOO disrespectful
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Is going on Tumblr in church going to cause me to burst into flames? XD
#Easter Hijinks#I made the unfortunate decision#to attend church with my dad#not my greatest moment#The service hasn't started yet#So I'm not being TOO disrespectful#Instead the terrible choir is practicing#Notes by Nikki#I go every so often#To remember WHY I hate Catholicism#It's such dumb bullshit
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so confused when people hate miss agent margaret carter because what do you have against a woman with big beautiful brown eyes who pummels people with her entire body weight
#is this about the time a customer kept harrassing angie so peggy shoved a fork against his brachial artery#and told him under threat of death to leave a generous tip and then never come back?#or is this about the time she honoured bucky's death by posthumously naming him a shield agent so that his name would be on the memorial?#is it when she ran out into the rain after steve and betrayed direct orders to get ahold of a jet for him and fly him past enemy lines?#do you hate when a woman isn't afraid to be emotional and vulnerable because she's secure in her strength and rationality??#does it bother you when she keeps growing as a person because of the people she loves?#does she handle disrespect with too much integrity and grace?#ohh is it only appealing when a male character is haunted by losing everyone they care about?#is it misogyny that has you diminishing a fleshed-out main character who does not let manchildren get away with their bullshit#to 'some girl steve kissed once' do you hate her for reasons you pulled out of your actual ass like her being a hydra ally(???)#I'M GOING TO THROW YOU INTO A WALL#peggy carter#*#text*
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I am once again thinking about how odysseus who witnessed the horrors that the captured women went through (one of his main duties in the iliad was taking the women back home and making sure they were as comfortable as possible and safe because he was the only one trusted not to violate them further due to his devotion to penelope. And in the odyssey part of the reason circe sent him to the underworld was so that he'd have to listen to all these women's stories (before he could talk to the prophet) ). Who was one of the few that saw women as people and respected their space and opinions. And was then put in those exact same situations. I don't have the motivation right now to do a full literary analysis of this (I'll site the sources too) but oh man one day I'm going to write a full essay on this.
#The odyssey#iliad#Odysseus#Tw: rape#Tw: sex slaves#Tw: camp slaves#Tw: That one time Calypso kept odysseus as a sex slave for 7 years#circe#Something about the inherent trauma of witnessing how your friends treat women#Watching them keep sex slaves#Then having to bring these girls home hearing about their stories seeing the aftermath#Then living in a situation where you have to let a powerful witch use you as she pleases half in payment for lives/food/medicine#Half because she has the equivalent of a gun to your best friends head and if you don't keep her happy then youre all dead#And then that witch sends you on a quest to the underworld where granted you'll benefit too but first#You have to listen to every single captured women from the Trojan war that you didn't Shepard home tell you their stories#Tell you that you're a horrible person while you are living in a disturbingly similar situation#And then later finding yourself trapped as a sex slave for seven years to an immortal nymph#And then being labeled as a horrible cheater for the rest of history#And none of this well historically everybody cheated or it's up to interpretation bullshit#Because it fucking isn't and granted a lot of abridged versions skip this shit#But if you read the full original stories and still think odysseus cheated then you just have an issue with men being victims#Or weren't paying attention i guess#Where's that meme where's it like the text was up to interpretation cut to the text where it very bluntly states what's happening#And I'm not saying odysseus was a good person or that he didn't have slaves because he did. And he wasnt#But first off nobody deserves to suffer that violation#Second they weren't sex slaves they were all nurses/maids/spys and I'm not getting into the ancient culture slavery issues rn#Third there's a lot you can pick to hate odysseus for but cheating/disrespecting women wasn't one of them#They literally invented a new word to describe his and penelopes love and it means to be so in love that you think the exact same way#Also forcing this narrative of odysseus cheating and penelope leaving to be a single girl boss is#Just the fake feminist mindset that stay at home moms are weak and wrong and live awful lives
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#yakuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya
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Was that first glance truly a gay little moment between Mizu and Akemi, or was she actually surprised (maybe even a little jealous?) that femininity could even look like that? Lavish, spoiled, seemingly loved or at least, something to be desired. I think it's pretty sure that she does not grasp how Akemi's life is a prison just as much as hers. That much is clear in their dialogues and her behavior towards her.
What if that dialogue (you, magical forest creature spoiling your good chances at a good life etc etc) was actually lowkey jealousy? of a life she herself would never get to experience as a woman? of being allowed to be a woman AND have a chance at happiness?
#am I crazy?#I don't think Mizu is transmasc#they made it pretty specific in that 'I had to be' answer when she was asked if she WANTED to be a man#(and I'm saying this as a trans person so put down the guns before you reply to this please)#and she likely has a bunch of trauma from her ''mother'' forcing her to grow up as a boy instead of a girl#wondering what her life could've looked like otherwise#I think that resentment towards her blue eyes and white father isn't only about death and grief and all that it could also be#because of how she was stripped of her identity as a girl-woman from day 1 to stay ALIVE#we'll see in the 2nd season probably#someone said in London it'll probably be the first time she's seen as japanese#and I'd go as far as saying#the first time they may not even treat her as a man too#with how often asian men are feminized and disrespected in general around that time period...#Blue Eye Samurai#Mizu BES#Mizu Blue Eye Samurai
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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Gee, I didn't realize that "freshly spilled blood" is black.
#yes there are vibrantly blood red dahlias#like the black satin#but that was not it#she would not have even GIVEN her something with that kind of color in it!#that thing is BLACK and at best the color of a dense and coagulated scab if you're gonna talk blood#you might say i'm being nit picky but this is just ONE example of a million so far of poor screen-to-page interpretation#tehlor kay mejia#if only you read a thesaurus#or at least gone to college to learn how to write#wednesday novelization#wednesday novel#wednesday addams#jenna ortega's wednesday#would not be so ... vapid#there's a reason why we like her#but wenclairs are too blinded to see past their erections to realize that this is disrespectful to both characters - nvm the added subtext#this woman changed things that didn't need to be changed ESPECIALLY with wenclair...like deleting their first fight dialogue#ugh i should save this for the review#wednesday netflix#netflix wednesday#*“this person” apparently am just waiting for a link bc there's nothing that i read that they were trans like me
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we're two(? 3?) episodes away from the mid-season finale
there are 4+ other main characters/actors on the show that also need their screentime
Timothy Jimothy Minear-othy has admitted he doesn't plan the individual character beats that far out
he probably hasn't started planning in depth for the 2nd half of the season yet (or maybe they're just starting that process now) which means they haven't secured non-main actors for those eps yet so Lou can't say he's appearing in any further episodes
there are still 10+ episodes left in the season and honestly unless there something happened behind the scenes with Lou or with the network to cause a hard stop to the storyline, I can't see this being dropped purely BECAUSE there has been such care taken up until now (and if something did happen, well, that's that.)
I had something else to say, but I forgot it. Will edit back in if I remember.
OH, I remember! If I was a showrunner and had a new pair that the audience loved and I was writing The Big Drama Show, I'd put them through the wringer too
Mr. Minear-othy might be reading the Facebook comments and cackling at the response to part 1 of his Grand BuckTommy Plan
(I could totally be wrong! This could really be a long-term setup for That Other Pairing! Maybe Mr. Minear was feeling bitter towards ALL 911 fans and Buck will never date another man ever!! Who knows!?!?)
#fandom curmudgeon#911 abc#911 series#bucktommy#tevan#fireflilot#i am grumpy too but#I'm also trying to logic my way into a calmer state of being#ben affleck smoking dot gif#and again I survived robron which was far wilder than this#I'm not trying to talk anyone out of their feelings!!!#also no disrespect to the other pairing#I'm just not typing it out so it'll get past any filters#because the post is really not about them#in conclusion: crash that helicopter mr. minear#i also haven't been on tumblr much over the past hoursish-ish#so if someone else has said this my apologies!
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"Incredibly common white people space" is so true
Like no shade to white people fr but as someone who is poc, I'm always like- "man.. where's the bipoc 😭"
It doesn't make feel lonely but I'd definitely feel less? Alienated if there was more melanin in the both the misces and alterhu communities
Yes absolutely !! I'm still so afraid of talking about any serious experiences I've had as a black person on here, I just don't wanna be alienated anymore than I already am both IRL and online 😭🤚🏾 it's just the little things that make you feel estranged, like if I use a lot of AAVE in a post it never gets as much interaction as it would if I just talked "properly".
Like I'm already stepping so far out of my comfort zone just making my blackness known, and like.. kinda a central part of my blog !! I just really hope other POC/BIPOC take a little comfort in it maybe U^ェ^U
Besides, I'm having a lot of fun here !! Even tho I have a couple miscecanis friends irl, they've never been really interested in the world building side of things so I'm glad I get to share it with people who DO care about that lol
Thanks for the ask anon, I love you I love you I love you U。・ω・。U
#I'm also really afraid of getting my blog taken down BECAUSE im so open about being black#like I've heard of it happening to other people so hopefully i just stay tumblrs specialist little guy lol#slightly off topic but do you also feel kinda guilty being in this community sometimes?#like my ancestors didnt die just so i could say i wanna be owned by someone 😭 it feels so disrespectful#𑁍shut up shii𑁍#miscecanis#misceanimalis#alterhuman#dog therian#therian#𑁍playdate𑁍#if i can insert race into it im going to btw#after all the way ive been treated my entire life has been centered around race#one time a substitute teacher spelt my name with TWO Gs in it. GIRL WHAT ?!??? I WAS 5TH GRADER LIKE SERIOUSLY !!!#I went to a blackass school too#if you're the type of person who stops having fun when people bring up race you're NOT welcome on my blog btw
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Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff
#he's never rly said no he just used to be like 'well whaf if i want to nap' like in the early parenting days#which evolved into 'yeah i guess'-type responses#lately he's more like 'yeah!' like his tone is less. whatever it was before#same with any requests i make in general like if he'll put e down for bed and stuff#idk my weird episode epiphany thing i went through last week has me feeling much less patient and self-questioning#it's just a fact that constantly asking myself if i'm being considerate enough of others has done nothing for me#like it hasn't even improved my relationships.. i don't really have any lol#like i'm done biting my tongue bc idk if i've properly considered their perspective.. i end up blowing up at minor things as a result anyway#like it makes me a worse partner fr#i also really feel like i've been putting daggers thru my own spirit by doing this for so long#like i need to stop troubleshooting my existence like 'what if i conform this way' 'what if i conform that way'#here's what if: you will be profoundly unhappy and no one who you love will truly know you#this is such a tangent off what i started talking about but basically i'm done reflexively wondering#every time i feel wronged disrespected etc. if actually i'm the one in the wrong. it really is reflexive#the way m's mom responded to me setting a boundary was a wake up call like apparently she just read into what i was saying too much#so hypothetically it wasn't the boundary she was angry about but how she thought i set it#but like i don't have any time for you if my extremely sincere and straightforward communication isn't good enough for you#like i'm not going to be understanding of your inability to take me at face value we didn't both fuck up. You did#and that's how i'm going to act. like You fucked up. yk
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Y'all do know you can't make Jason be NOT white without changing his whole character, right?
For other characters, yes, because their physical appearance are not that influential in their story, on how they are viewed by people, on their personality formation — you can have a black/asian/indigenous/arab/brown/latino/etc Nico and yes, the hate he gets will have a undertone of racism but at the same time nothing significant on his story, motivation or personality will need to change. This is also true for other characters: Clarisse risks repeating the "aggressive WoC" stereotype but the character itself doesn't change.
This isn't true for Jason, whose main character trait is how he is perceived by others and how he showcases himself to others based on that perception. (specially with how little effort Riordan put on him besides making him perfect-er Percy who's somehow also weaker and less important than him).
Let's not pretend a black, Arab, indigenous, Asian, Latin man, etc, in the USA would ever be treated with the universal reverence Jason gets from New Roma, you can't have the illusion of perfection and most of all, of invincibility they have about him when you see him suffering racism or xenophobia in the middle of a mission. In theory, nothing in his life has ever gone wrong, that's his image, destined to be king, he is supposed to have no weakness on his peers eyes.
He is not trying to prove people wrong, he is trying to prove them right; he isn't worthy despite their prejudice, on the contrary, he only tried to make himself worthy to fulfill their expectations. He can't be a woman or an immigrant or have a visible disability or any other thing that strays him from a perfect ideal by western society standards, and be that same character.
#Different from the other white character in the series he was never questioned or doubted#There's a presumption of perfection with no exceptions that society doesn't give to us (women poc immigrants visible minorities in general)#His privilege (handsome white man with no visible disability son of Zeus etc) also prevented anyone from worrying for his well being#This illusion/expectation of him having no weakness/being untouchable pushes himself too far and clouds his judgment.#I headcanon he didn't even consider the possibility of myopia because that wouldn't fit Jason Grace Son of Jupiter so it wasn't an option#And you think it'd be the same character after facing racism? Because ain't no way he'd be praetor without going through racism#I think I'd love him nonetheless since I'm very weak to the whole golden boy tearing himself to save the world but it'd be a new character#jason grace#I know racism in USA is different from here but I know how different a “non-racist” white person treats me and treats my white friends#Also for him to not be an entirely different character if PoC would be incredibly disrespectful and racist on its own#It would fail to recognize the difference in how we are read (and written). I hate that a lot.#I remember that when Cody told Brandi “I see no color” she told him “then you don't see me” and that's so fucking striking#We ARE different. treated differently. if you act like you don't see it then you also turn a blind eye to the violence that comes from it#This is straying from my point I got a bit heated banalization of things I care about usually does that to me#Point is please don't change Jason on the very few things that man actually bothered writing about him#I actually think this is true about Octavian too. A lot of what he is allowed to do would not be possible if he weren't a white man.#Same for Rachel Elizabeth Dare. I mean you can work around making her poc but it will truly be pushing A LOT#Let's put it this way: a woc doing a street performance is perceived very differently from a white woman doing a street performance.#Specially in the eyes of cops#Pjo
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this might be strange to say but… as a fat dr fan, i REALLY love the way you draw imposter… they just look. really nice. soft and kind without their fatness being exaggerated or shied away from. their proportions are just right and they’re still portrayed as capable and lovable and attractive and aaauuuggghh. i’ve seen way too many dr artists draw them in ways that make me feel weird but your imposter is really really good. they’re like a friend to me. anyways, i hope you’re having a good day. 🖤
I'm very glad you like it & yeah they're very friend! So first of all thank you ♡
You're not the first person to say sth along those lines but idk I dont think I deserve that much praise for like just kinda drawing them. In my style? I swear I'm super not trying to be rude but it's just The Character in roughly the same proportion as they're shown with, in my style. Im not like doing anything special for them in my mind (except giving them my Mother's Beloved treatment as I do most of the characters i like lmao)
#Ofc I'm new here so I guess there's been some history with people being disrespectful... which sucks :/#I hope you're having a good day too! I also hope this wasnt a rude reply#Talky talky Tuesday#I think I tend to wear rose coloured glasses so I'm like 'what do you MEAN people dont think Imp is cool and classy and smart and-'#Not an art#I guess what I'm trying to say is drawing a fat character fat without exaggeration or minimizing is like the minimum ig?
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I have. So much power. Esp w the ability to use any portrait I want for any class. Which maybe was always the case? But the funniest example here is Bruno. The Medic. That armor in his portrait? Just for show. He's only allowed to wear extremely tearable fabric. As the gods intended. It's part of his curse, you see,
Also Moe voice "Yo who the fuck invited your undead dad to the function??????"
#dandelion guild chronicles#now w these bits of lore. book ??? and a half seems to take place after book 3 but before book 6#i think. it's book 6. i can't bring myself to finish it i'm still so upset about bruno 😭😭😭😭😭#also the portrait i used for veronica def matches her young design more.#i'm completely unserious about this btw LMFAOOOO i'm just goofing around. STILL it's SO FUN#BEING ABLE TO COLOR PICK. AND LUCKING OUT SO MUCH W THE SPECIFIC CLASSES/PORTRAITS IN THIS ONE#UNLIMITED POWER...........#somewhat. limited power. bc even though i lucked out w the hero/sovereign classes specifically#i really don't know if i could make a convincing triandra much less peony....... SAD.#the voices are SUCH a fun feature too. i did have a lot of trouble picking one for takumi though...#haughty was the closest. in voice range/candence/energy. it does match his ego/tendency to show off#for. reasons unrelated to any inferiority complex he may or may not have ofc.#also resolute could have fit gustav too... but i can't do that to alfonse. i can't do him that fucking dirty.#it would just be. disrespectful.#gustav is only here bc the portrait fits SO well. except for the muscle mass. lost a bit of it being a corpse for too long i guess.#fire emblem#etrian odyssey#fe takumi#fe bruno#alear#fe celine#edelgard#fe gustav#(derogatory)
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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh#The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol#So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting#Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction references–#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me 😭😭😭#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind#“not only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))‚ we even got a bad amv ending at that”#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Seriously this is just another bug instance of#“me and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is like”#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust#Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb#It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being open–#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuya–#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think “you're completely missing on the unbalance of power that–#creates these dynamics of lack of trust” but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shirase‚ I don't see why he would ever fear–#his betrayal. Likewise‚ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towards–#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is#But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo#I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it#random rambles#And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the story–#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.
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Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me
#I'm going to start killing people#I need SLEEPY TYLENOL NOWWWWWWW#Mfer laying in bed for 8 hours full awake 🫠 eyes shut. Brain. ACTIVE#IM TRYING SO HARD TO SLEEP JUST BE UNCONSCIOUS#Too late now#Fuck me I have to be aware enough to not kill everybody in this vehicle#Mfing murder nightmare too what the fuck#Set the scene: YouTuber wedding#The man in charge of filming is an asshole to the minimum wage people working there#Like real mean. And one meek guy tries to tell the groom but the groom is kinda a dismissive asshole about it bc he's already paid the guy#So it's too late now. Meek guy keeps getting disrespected and storms out to the parking lot to just leave#Woman who has been witnessing this apparently is gonna kill on meek guys behalf. He does not want this#Woman gets into a fucked up death machine car and drives it into the groom#But not like. Runs him over. There's a fucking saw blade on the front that starts cutting through the bottom of his torso#He was screaming a lot. I'm not sure if he survived or not. But the atmosphere was not fun#Very muddy desaturated colors. Very wet and musty feeling. It was like almost a parking garage#I don't think I'll ever have a dream as scary as the um time-looping cannibal beach dream#But this was just the delightful cherry of not being able to sleep at fucking. ALL .#Literally cried I'm so distressed about not being able to control anything about myself rn#Hhhhh :(((#3rd night in a row I've slept like shit
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there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"
#ARE THEY STUPID!#dr who#this is about ten specifically his relationship w martha lmao#m being so serious i genuinely did not. see the 'ten was on purpose leading martha on to make her think her feelings were requited' angle#until going out into the wild and reading the tumblr posts. like i genuinely did not. at ALLLLLL. its like a brick hitting my head#bc the ENTIRE time s3 ten came off to me as 'doing stuff w no romantic intent behind it but would consistently get misinterpreted as such'#cuz IIIIIIIII have done this. IIIIIIII have run into this problem before. and it sucks so incredibly bad.#i actually do want to think my og interpretation still holds water cuz like. well i could gather all the evidence but#first one that comes 2 mind would be him going 'it's like when you fancy someone + they dont know you exist' to martha. in episode TWELVE#two routes; either ten is needlessly cruel and callous even after a season's worth of building up trust and friendship w her#or he is on super 'i dont think she has feelings for me and this is a very unhappy coincidence of a line' cocaine#Or the 'she fancied me' line in s4 to donna. either he is disregarding all the good and positive impact she did him. or the fact that this#went over his head the whole time made him look back on that time w discomfort <- I DID THIS. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN PROJECTING#THIS ONTO HIM. AM I STUPID.?.?????#you know how mikage rgu can either be read as an incel or a gay man lost so completely in the sauce#ten is like in this same ballpark. i think. of 'emotionally manipulative and disrespects women' or 'aroacespec and missed the cues'#funniest possible options to pick from. ten my brother how did you set yourself up like this#absolutely not denying that he was toxic and unhealthy during s3 in like 500 ways btw. but well. ths is the one concwpt that#flew over my head. so completely. and i can kind of see it now but i also still find it hard to incorporate into my belief system#bc its like. brother I'M aroace and missed the cues too lol#tangential note we can trace many problems down to a writer's room filled w white people not giving#martha's character the respect/agency she deserves for the existing narrative she has. bc they pulled this w mickey too both in series 1+2#if they wanted to portray ten as manipulative then him and martha should've been given more screentime#together where martha (or anyone else) calls him the FUCK out on this. and ten would need to suffer narrative consequences of doing smth#as fucked up as that rather than his happy stable dynamic he has w donna. if they wanted to portray him as oblivious then marthas character#shouldn't have constantly been boiled down to an unrequited crush (particularly her dialogue in the s3 finale - there's a LOT more reasons#why she would choose to leave/why their dynamic was unhealthy besides ten not returning her feelings)#if you read all these tags you may be entitled 2 financial compensation#ten and martha#aspec doc tag
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