#Single Review: My Head Was Drowned

[joelalorian]

Fall Into Me - Chapter Six: And I Knew My Heart Wasn't Mine

dbf!Joel x f!reader

Summary: Joel is hanging on by a thread as a single father to a tenacious 10-year-old Sarah. Feeling like he's drowning, like the world is about to spit him out, he needs some help before he breaks in half. At your dad's insistence, you show up in his life and change everything.

Story is inspired by the song Fall Into Me by Forest Blakk. Chapter titles will be lyrics from the song.

Word Count: 3.8k

Chapter Warnings: Explicit, under 18 take a hike. No outbreak AU. Lots of feelings, confusion, and self doubt. Two idiots falling in love. Finally some smut-ish stuff. Dry humping on the couch. Joel is his own warning. Tommy keeping it real. Age gap of about 9 years (Reader 24/25, Joel 33/34). No use of y/n. Reader has a nickname used only by her dad.

Dividers by the wonderful @saradika-graphics

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Chapter Five | Main Masterlist

Sitting at the kitchen table on Sunday morning, you reviewed an email on your phone from the Texas Education Agency. Relief washed over you. The State Board finally approved your certification after jumping through a million hoops, just in time for your upcoming meeting at Sarah’s school.

Yet another step closer to finally feeling like an actual adult contributing to society.

“Morning, Spud,” your dad greeted as he walked into the kitchen in search of his morning coffee. “You’re up early. Did you have fun with Sarah yesterday?”

“I figured I’d seize the day and all that. I had a blast yesterday! Sarah is so smart, and Joel was really nice, as always,” you replied, playing down quite how much of a roll Joel had in making the day so enjoyable. You still couldn’t believe how things worked out.

Joel Miller, dead sexy single father, liked you, wanted to be with you. Little morsels of doubt tried to weasel their way into your mind, trying to make you question what was so special about you that a man like Joel would be interested in. You shook those thoughts away, resolving to believe that you deserved someone like him, someone who liked you for who you were and not who they wanted you to be.

“He comes from good stock, that Joel,” your dad interrupted you’re wandering thoughts. “Not sure what happened with Tommy, though. Musta been dropped on his head as a baby or somethin’.”

“Dad!” you laughed, shaking your head. “There’s nothing wrong with the guy. He’s young, single, and unburdened by responsibility. I imagine you were like that once upon a time.”

“Musta been so long ago I can’t remember,” he replied, hip checking you into the counter when you stood to place your glass in the sink. “Watch yourself there, Spud.”

“Jeez, thanks, Dad,” you replied with an amused eye roll. Your dad watched as you tidied up your little mess from breakfast and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

“You know, Spud. You’d do well to find a man like Joel. He’s a really good guy. Shame he doesn’t date. All the women go crazy over him.”

Your dad kept going on about Joel’s aversion to dating, but your mind froze on that one simple statement – you’d do well to find a man like Joel. You tuned back in just in time to hear him say, “He needs to settle down with a girl like you. Someone smart and responsible who’ll still give him a run for his money.”

Practically bursting with the urge to admit that you and Joel just officially started seeing each other, you curled your lips between your teeth and just nodded. You promised Joel you’d wait a bit before mentioning anything to your dad and you planned on keeping that promise. “He should be so lucky to find someone like me,” you sassed finally.

The day carried on as you spent some quality time with your dad watching TV and lounging around. It was refreshing and relaxing, reminding you of times past where the two of you spent a bunch of time together.

The urge to text you plagued Joel all day Sunday, distracting his attention from the football game until Tommy finally snatched the phone out of his hands and hid it.

“Enough, brother. You’re like a lovesick fool checking your phone every five fuckin’ seconds. You just spent the day together yesterday. Give her a little breathin’ room,” Tommy chastised. “Women like a little mystery after all.”

Flopping back into the couch cushions with a huff, Joel crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I don’t want to play games with her, Tommy. None of that aloof, hard to get bullshit.”

Shaking his head, Tommy waited until a commercial break to turn to his brother again. “I’m not sayin’ to play games. I’m just sayin’ you don’t need to be up her ass 24/7. You’ll see her every day this week. It’s ok to build up a little healthy anticipation today.”

Joel knew his brother had a point. He just couldn’t help himself. It’d been so long since he felt like this about someone – if he ever really did before – and it was messing with his head. Berating himself for not even kissing you yesterday, Joel wanted to at least text with you today. It felt somehow wrong to not talk to you.

Then again, you hadn’t texted him either.

Tommy made a valiant effort to distract Joel from his thoughts, talking statistics about the game and the players, anything to get the guy talking. It only worked for so long before Tommy couldn’t take it anymore.

“Alright, how ‘bout this. I’ll take Sarah for a dinner and ice cream date tomorrow so you two can spend some time alone. Get a little action in and maybe that’ll help you get your head out of the clouds.”

For the first time in hours, Joel’s face lit up. “You sure?”

“I wouldn’t offer otherwise,” Tommy replied. “You two need to figure out if there’s something there and you can’t do that with a ten-year-old hanging around all the time. Not unless you want to scar her for life.”

Joel nodded, reaching out to take his phone back. Before letting go of it, Tommy grinned. “I already texted her for you. You’re welcome.”

Ripping his phone out of his brother’s hand, Joel scrolled through his text messages to find what Tommy sent you.

JM: Hey sweetheart. Netflix and chill tomorrow?

He only knew what that meant because of Tommy and you had to know that wasn’t something Joel would say. “Jesus fucking Christ, Tommy!” Joel growled, his ears turning red from what you must think. He was about to really lay into his brother for overstepping when you responded.

You: Netflix and chill, huh? Sounds like my kinda date 😉

Not expecting that response, Joel chuckled. Maybe Tommy knew exactly what he was doing after all.

“Like I said, you’re welcome,” Tommy teased when he saw the goofy smile on his brother’s face.

Joel ignored him, proceeding to ask you about your day. The two of you texted back and forth well into the night until it was time for bed.

Climbing between the cold sheets of his large, empty bed, Joel wished you were there with him. He could already imagine you there, falling asleep together after a romp or two, waking up next to you in the morning. It sounded like heaven to him.

Hmm, maybe he could Netflix and chill his way to convincing you to spend the night tomorrow.

You didn’t know what to expect when you walked into Joel’s house Monday morning, but it certainly wasn’t a flustered Joel, knelt on the floor, staring down at a mess of pancake mix surrounding him and Sarah giggling her little heart out at the breakfast table.

“What happened here?” you asked, hands on your hips and eyes surveying the damage. “Did you have a fight with the boxed pancake mix.”

“He really did!” Sarah exclaimed, still laughing. “It went everywhere!”

“I see that,” you replied, grinning at her before turning back to Joel.

He stared up at you with wide, sad eyes and shoulders slumped. “I couldn’t get it open and then it just…” His arms spread wide, gesturing at the powdery mess on the tile in such an endearing way. You couldn’t stop your smile from growing wider.

“Go finish getting ready for work. I’ll get Sarah some cereal and clean this mess up,” you directed, gently pulling him to his feet and around the mess.

“You shouldn’t have to clean up my mess, sweetheart,” Joel replied, pulling you in for a hug. You could tell the warm press of your bodies together made him feel better and you basked in it as well, not minding the bit of pancake mix that transferred to your clothes.

“Don’t worry, I got it. Now git!” One hand swatted at his ass playfully as he rushed out of the room. “Now, what kind of cereal do you want, nugget?”

Fifteen minutes later, Joel returned to find the mess gone and you running a mop over the tile to wipe away any last remnants of the pancake mix disaster. Sarah already finished her cereal and was upstairs brushing her teeth before it was time to head to school. When you put the mop back into the bucket, Joel crept up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. He pulled you close until your back was flush against his chest.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he breathed in your ear, sending a flood of goosebumps down your arms. Joel pressed his lips to the spot just below your ear and left a trail of kisses down your neck. The feel of his lips on your skin exceeded any expectations you had, and a contented sigh left your own lips.

With a hurried tenderness, he spun you around in his arms, the mop forgotten as it nearly fell out of the bucket. Faces close together now, your eyes drank in every detail of him from the richness of his dark brown eyes, the curve of his nose, the purposeful stubble of his beard, and, finally, to the fullness of his bottom lip. You could feel his eyes doing the same, drinking in every bit of your face before tilting his head impossibly closer.

“I’m going to kiss you now, ok?” Joel murmured; lips nearly pressed to yours already and you hummed in approval.

After all the weeks of mutual pining and self-doubt, Joel finally kissed you. It started as a soft press of lips and quickly morphed into an overwhelming need to devour each other when his tongue teased along the seam of your lips, begging entry to deepen the kiss. Teeth knocked together and tongues tangled as you tasted each other – somehow, the taste of coffee was suddenly appealing when it came from Joel’s mouth.

Hands wandered – his over your curves and yours into his luscious, dark curls. Joel’s hair felt as silky as it looked, and you had been itching to get your fingers in it from the moment you met him.

The sound of Sarah’s footsteps bouncing down the stairs broke the two of you apart, breathless, and dazed.

“Wow,” Joel murmured, struggling to remove his hands from your waist.

You smiled up at him, equally unwilling to remove your fingers from his hair. “Exactly,” you whispered, stepping back with your hands at your side just as Sarah entered the kitchen.

“I’m ready!” she declared excitedly and you both grinned at her cuteness.

“Okay, nugget. Let’s head out.”

Heart melting in your chest, you watched Joel and Sarah do their morning routine of saying goodbye. The love between the two of them was so strong it was like a tangible thing you could hold in your hands. Nostalgia washed over you as memories of your own childhood, moments like this with your dad, flooded your mind. What you had with your dad, what Joel and Sarah had together, was a connection that would never fade, only grow stronger with time.

Briefly, you wondered if your evolving relationship with Joel would affect that connection, interfere with it in anyway. You couldn’t move forward with him if that was the case. Some woman showing up and changing the dynamic between you and your dad would have upset you as a child and you refused to be the cause of any upset Sarah felt.

When the two of them stepped back from their hug and grinned at you, any question about your place in their dynamic washed down the drain. You felt nearly dizzy with relief when Sarah quickly said, “Give her a hug, too, Daddy,” and shoved him as hard as she could in your direction.

With a chuckle, Joel gave in to Sarah’s demand, wrapping his arms around you. The broadness of him surrounded you, enveloping you in warmth and a sense of security you’d not experienced before. Was that what love felt like?

“Have a good day, darlin’. I’ll see you later,” Joel’s deep voice was but a whisper in your ear, his lips just grazing your earlobe. “I’m looking forward to tonight.”

Warmth raced up your neck to your cheeks and you squeezed your thighs together in anticipation of what you hoped would happen later. “You have a good day too, Joel. Be careful, ok?”

“Always, darlin’.” He winked as you led Sarah out the front door to your car.

The journey to Sarah’s school started off quietly, Sarah bopping along to the music on the radio as you navigated the morning traffic. Your thoughts wandered to what you should wear later when Sarah startled you with a sudden question.

“Are you my dad’s girlfriend now?”

She asked the question so nonchalantly that you weren’t sure how to respond. Would she be upset with whatever answer you gave? Was there even a right or wrong answer? What did she want to hear? Mind racing, you settled on asking Sarah a question in return.

“Would you be upset if I was?”

Tilting her head side to side a few times, the little girl contemplated her answer while you held your breath. She turned to you with a smile so big it scrunched up her nose. “Nope! It’d make me really happy.”

“Really?” Your eyebrows were nearly at your hairline.

“Uh huh. You’re the coolest and prettiest. My dad would be lucky if you were his girlfriend,” Sarah admitted with all the confidence and knowledge of a ten-year-old. Another head tilt and she added, “So, are you?”

Equal parts amazed and grateful for Sarah’s acceptance of the idea, you opted for honesty. “I mean, I don’t know,” you shrugged. How could you explain what you had to a 10-year-old? “We haven’t talked about naming it yet, but we did decide to see how we like being together. Does that make sense?”

Sarah gave it a moment of thought. “Yeah, I think so. It’s kinda like how you’re a teacher, but not officially until you get the job, right?”

You laughed at the comparison with a nod. “Exactly. I’m as good as your dad’s girlfriend, we just haven’t made titles official yet.” You pulled up in front of the school and it was Sarah’s turn to get out. “Now get going, nugget. Have a good day!”

The little girl bounced out of the car, calling out to one of her friends. Just before you pulled away, you heard Sarah tell the other girl that you were her dad’s not-yet girlfriend.

The day absolutely dragged. Joel could swear that time went backwards every time he looked at a clock. It didn’t help that every single subcontractor gave him a hard time about something today.

The roof trusses arrived six weeks early and the sub refused to take them back even though the damn things would rot before they got to the roofing phase of construction. The company he rented the extra backhoe from wanted to raise their rates in the middle of his contract. The list went on and Joel ran out of patience three hours ago.

The only thing holding him together was the thought of you. Spending time with you. Kissing you. Touching you. Burying himself inside you… He adjusted himself with a sigh. Damn, he needed to put those particular thoughts on ice before he got himself riled up. The workday was shitty enough, he didn’t need the guys giving him a hard time about an untimely chub in his pants.

Finally, Joel had enough of everyone’s bullshit and called it a day, leaving his foreman in charge of the worksite.

“Off to doll yourself up, are ya?” Tommy teased as Joel headed for his truck. Gesturing in the general direction of Joel’s crotch, he added, “You remember how to use that thing? Make sure to clear out the cobwebs and use protection!”

“Jesus, Tommy,” Joel grumbled, climbing into his truck, and driving off. He knew his brother was only teasing, but Joel was nervous enough as it was. He didn’t need Tommy getting in his head. He did have a point about protection, though.

A quick stop at the convenience store to grab a box of condoms, Joel made it home before you and Sarah. Putting on some 90s rock, he jumped in the shower, putting in the extra effort to tidy himself up down there. He wondered if you preferred pubic hair or not. Fearing he was getting way ahead of himself, Joel opted to just trim his down and hoped for the best.

By the time he finished trimming his facial hair and tousling his curls, you and Sarah were downstairs, working on her homework. As he walked down the stairs, Joel could hear you encouraging his daughter to think the questions through and congratulating her when she got the answers right. His heart grew three sizes watching how you were with Sarah. You held his whole world in the palm of your hand and treasured it like the precious cargo it was.

Joel was falling so hard for you. You were quickly gaining the power to destroy him.

“Hi Daddy!” Sarah called out when she spotted him in the doorway. “We just finished my math homework. Can I play in the backyard?”

He set up a tire swing on the large live oak out back a week ago and it quickly became his little girl’s happy place. “Of course, nugget. Come give your old man a hug first.” Bending down, Joel swept Sarah up in his arms, biceps stretching his shirt sleeves as he swung her around in a circle. Sarah’s laughter echoed through the room, and you smiled sweetly at the pair of them.

“Uncle Tommy’s coming to take you out for dinner and ice cream in a bit. Ok?” Sarah nodded when he settled her back on her feet and raced for the sliding door. Once she was out of sight and earshot, Joel turned to you. “Come ‘ere, darlin’,” he said, voice deep and velvety.

Your body followed his command without conscious thought, so great the need to be in his arms. “I thought about you all day,” you admitted, staring up at him with wide eyes.

“Me, too. Could hardly focus on the job thinking about you and spending this evening together.” He tightened his arms around you, head bending to seal his lips to yours. When your lips parted at his prompting, Joel teased your plush bottom lip with his teeth. “It’s like a tasty little gummy worm,” he teased. “I could nibble on it all day.”

You moaned into his mouth, the little breathless sound music to his ears.

The kiss deepened until you were licking into each other’s mouths, hands wandering and grasping for purchase on any piece of real estate you could reach. Neither of you heard the front door open or the footsteps approaching the kitchen.

“Am I interrupting somethin’?” he asked cheekily as the two of you sprang apart, disheveled and gasping for breath.

Joel ran a hand down his face, closing his eyes for a moment to gather himself. “Excellent timing as always, brother.”

“Y’all just couldn’t wait five more minutes, could ya?” Tommy’s grin a mile wide as he teased. “Lemme get the nugget out of here before you two scar her for life.”

You tucked your face into Joel’s shoulder bashfully when Tommy slipped through the sliding door. Joel groaned and wrapped his arms around you. “Don’t mind him, darlin’. He just likes to bust my balls.”

Ten minutes later, after some hugs from Sarah and more teasing from Tommy, you and Joel were alone. Taking your hand, he led you to the couch. He hoped you didn’t notice that his rough palms were sweaty with nerves. You were abnormally quiet, and he wondered if you were nervous as well.

Seated a few inches apart, the tension became too much. “What are you in the mood for?” Joel asked, breaking the silence as he pulled up Netflix on the TV. He barely logged into his account when you suddenly straddled his lap.

“Hi,” you said when he stared at you in surprise. “You know what I’m in the mood for?”

“What?” He barely got his mouth to form the word, his brain short circuiting with you in his lap. His grip on the remote loosened, yet neither of you cared when it fell to the ground.

“You.”

There was a moment where you both froze, each waiting for the other to act first. Then the tension snapped, and Joel’s lips crashed against yours. His tongue danced along the seam of your lips until you opened them to let him in. Tongues tangled in a never-ending dance as your hips tilted, grinding down on him. Joel was uncomfortably hard in moments, pressing up against your warmth.

His hands were everywhere, fingers tenderly tracing the structure of your cheekbones, down the curve of your neck, along the swell of your breasts. They finally settled, grabbing handfuls of your ass to pull you impossibly closer. You moaned into his mouth, hips bucking in search of more friction.

Gasping for breath, Joel tore his mouth from yours, his hands urging your hips into a rhythm as you dry humped him. His mouth left a trail of scorching kisses down your neck, eliciting a wave of goosebumps to flow down your arms. Your hips rocked, gliding across his hardened length and Joel swore he could feel your wetness breaching through the layer of clothes separating you.

Fuck, how he wanted to taste you, get high on your sweet nectar. He knew, just knew in that primal way, that yours would be the best pussy he ever tasted. His cock swelled impossibly harder at the mere thought of burying his face between your legs.

“Jooooeeelllll.” His name coming from your luscious lips in a drawn-out moan caused his own hips to buck up into you, hitting just the right spot to make you both see stars from the friction alone. His mouth sucked little marks into your neck, leaving his left ear exposed to your mouth as crooned, “I’m gonna come, fuck. You’re gonna make me come in my panties, Joel.”

“Fuck, darlin’. Come all over me, pretty girl. I want to see you fall apart from grinding on me like this. Drench those panties.” Joel sat back a little, just enough to watch your face as your orgasm swept over you. It was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen, eyes rolled back in your head, mouth hanging open in a silent ‘o’ as you trembled above him, delicate hands clenching the meat of his shoulders for balance. A little sheen of sweat dusted your hairline. Fucking beautiful.

Joel was absolutely certain he could feel you drenching his pants as you came, your breath finally coming back in a sharp exhale. He had never been so turned on in his life. Watching you come apart for him, feeling it seep through the layers of clothing became too much. For the first time in his adult life, Joel Miller came in his pants with a desperate whimper.

tbc

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[ominoose]

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐳𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲

Pairing: Jake Lockley x AFAB!Autistic!Reader Summary: Short fluff self-insert with Jake because fandoms gotta become cringe again. Also shout out to Bigfoot enjoyers! Warnings: None WC: 779

“And so like, they weren’t even just screaming, they were vocalising! Phonetically they were forming words, like there was cadence to it, y’know?!”

“Mh hm.” Jake nodded, nursing the coffee mug in his hand, watching the short woman pace back and forth across the kitchen, her own cup of tea completely forgotten and abandoned on the table like many others over the ages. Poor things.

“And- And the University of Wyoming studied the recordings for a year! And guess what!”

The man was an expert at this, and knew well the question was rhetorical, there wouldn’t be enough time to actually get a ‘What?’ in there. Instead, he widened his eyes a little as he took another sip of bitter coffee, waiting expectantly for the next revelation.

“They said the noises were from lungs that were larger in capacity than humans! And it was an actual deliberate language!” The huge grin, wide eyes and shaking of her hands marked the clear importance of the sentence, this was not a finding to be taken lightly.

“No way.”

Coming home from a late shift in the cab, Jake usually would’ve poured a glass of whiskey, kicked off his shoes, loosened his tie and claimed the couch to binge some shitty reality tv. Sue him, it was entertaining to be invested in drama that was less world ending over godly feuds and more Becky's boyfriend kissing her ex. If his girl came to sit beside him and let him use her thighs as a stress toy, it was the recipe for a perfect night.

When he came home tonight to see his beautiful girl practically bouncing on her toes, hands stimming, actively chewing back a smile and practically bursting at the seams with some hot info instead, how could he not walk over and get his fill? After all, she info-dumped with more passion than any gossip the Kardashians could give. As her man, it was his solemn duty to share her burdens, even if that burden was her excitement over some Bigfoot evidence from some random American woods.

“I also heard that the area the sounds were recorded historically had a lot of Chinese settlers- and the vocalisations have a large resemblance to Mandarin! I mean that, like, implies the Bigfoot community only either cropped up at that period or something but, like, it’s still insane I mean can you imagine we haven’t encountered Bigfoot yet because they all speak Chinese and can’t understand us?” How she spewed so much without taking a single breath was a mystery in and of itself, those crypto-whatsits oughta look into that.

“Who’s ‘we’, bebita? There’s only one American in this room and that’s me. Stop trying to steal my guy.”

“Your guy?” The smile on her face grew, adoring that he entertained her info-dumps and enamored with his cheek, “Since when did Bigfoot go to New York?”

The Latino shrugged, completely nonchalant as he drained the last of his coffee.

“When he calls my cab to take him there.” The curl of his lips betrayed his own amusement and the short woman giggled as she bounced into his lap, hands patting his shoulders.

Stimming was still a relatively new concept to Jake. To him, he understood it as needing to shake off big feelings, good or bad, before they drowned you. He could understand that, feelings were a fuckin’ lot even to him, and he didn’t have autism (no matter how much his amor tried to peer review him, he’d dodge those accusations like he dodged the Avengers).

Seeing her stim to him, with him, over him, that was intimate. That coiled into his very soul, snug and warm. Knowing her feelings for him were so strong, so intense she had to literally, physically, manage them before they made her heart explode? It was literally impossible for the thoughts in his head to try and do some self-sabotage. No one could tell him she didn’t love him, not even himself.

That wasn’t even accounting for the obvious fact that she felt safe enough to shake her heart around right in front of him, with that beautiful smile too. She’d kill him before any bullet or cultist ever could, and he’d accept it with open arms.

“You think that Mothman guy and Bigfoot are amigos? Think they’ve ever hooked up?”

The light in her eyes when he casually sprinkled her other hyper-fixation in there, always making a point of showing he remembered each and every detail of her spiels, could lead him out of the darkest black hole.

“You’re weird, Jake Lockley.” Her giggle was girlish, high pitched and sweet as honey, “They’re divorced, actually.”

[kokinu09]

Let Go of the Reins || CHAPTER 8

~*~

pairing seungmin x fem!reader

genre strangers to lovers, romance, fluff, slight angst later, happy ending, social media, not meant to be, someday

summary Australia is considered home for two of the eight members. When two tour dates are scheduled for the land down under, the boys can’t help but want to spend a bit more time there to visit family and do a little sightseeing. So how do they convince the company that they need to stay a couple weeks? Filming some SKZ Code episodes.

A local riding school just outside the city with amazing reviews for their skilled instructors and beautiful horses is hosting a very popular kpop group to film their experiences. Y/N knows the group well and she just so happens to be their star working student.

status ongoing

taglist OPEN

A/N : Happy birthday Roo! 🎂

previous | masterlist | next

~*~

The next set of doors they pass through is bustling with activity. There are staff rushing around at every turn of your head but not a single one of them paying you any mind. Too busy worrying about completing their tasks for the (quickly approaching) concert.

Not that they could kick you out even if they wanted to. Not when you have the human Goliath with you, who was specifically assigned to bring you here. And keep you safe, you presume.

And Smitty does his job well, leading the two of you effortlessly around the crowded halls. With a path he has his mind set on and a determined furrow to his brow, he weaves around where others seem to be headed while still avoiding getting in anyone’s way and causing issues. You and Liv just try to keep on his coattail (since it doesn’t seem like he would slow down even if you asked) and stay out of the way, low-key more intimidated by the sheer coordination buzzing around you than the giant you’re following.

When he finally does stop, it’s to the side of a door with a placard labeled ’Dressing Room’ with a paper taped underneath it with ‘Stray Kids’ printed in thick black letters. Your body freezes. How had you spent the last three days straight hanging out with them and you’re still this nervous to see them?!

Oh right, because they are world-famous idols.

Smitty turns to the two of you with his hands slightly raised. “Wait right here and I’ll come back to get you when it’s ok to come in.” He instructs. He doesn’t wait for a response from you though as he dutifully slips through the door, leaving you and Liv to stew in your nerves.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe this is really happening!” Liv squeals. Her excited energy is infectious, seeping into your skin and chasing away the anxiousness until you’re bouncing on the balls of your feet right along with her.

“Do you think we’ll get to see them afterward too?” You ask, quickly backtracking into a rant to explain yourself. “I mean it’s pretty close to the start of the concert! So I doubt they’ll have much time before…and I should just be grateful that he wanted to see me before! But I can’t help hoping, that maybe—”

“Y/N,” Liv stops you with gentle hands gripping your shoulders, “it’s ok to want more.” She tells you softly. And you know she’s not talking about the perks of the concert.

Your mind starts to race in debate as to whether it could be true or not. Would it really be ok to want something more like a relationship out of this situation? Could you really ask that of him when you know how complicated it would make things for him? The words embed themselves into your brain and you’re sure you won’t be able to stop thinking about them before you fall asleep tonight.

“For now though,” she pulls you back out of your drowning thoughts, “let’s just enjoy the time we do have and cross our fingers that we get to attend their after-party!” And the way she’s jumping around like a peppy cheerleader has you doubling over in laughter.

You’re momentarily grateful that you have her here with you. Have her as your best friend. Where would you be without her, after all?

The door suddenly swings open as you’re in the midst of teasing your friend for her jovial behavior. You turn around to face the person opening the door for you, expecting Smitty to be ducked down in the doorway to avoid bumping his head, but when you look up, you find none other than the boy who has been plaguing your thoughts.

“Seungmin,” you breathe in surprise.

He surges towards you before you can even process what he’s doing, wrapping his arms around you as soon as you’re in reach. “I’m so glad you made it!” He excitedly says beside your ear.

Your arms automatically return the hug even through your surprise, a warmth spreading up your neck all the way to your ears that you know is an embarrassingly red blush. The arms around you give one last squeeze before pulling back to release you.

If disappointment wells up in your chest at the loss, it will go with you to the grave.

But the smile that he gives you is a thousand watts of pure sunshine and outrageously infectious. Your face splits into a wide grin.

Crescent-shaped eyes scan your face before he takes notice of your outfit. “Wow, you look amazing,” he says, sounding in awe as his eyes meet yours again. So much so, that you can’t help the blush more at his flattery.

“Oh, um, thank you but I’m nothing special. Compared to what you’re used to, I mean.” You quickly deflect. The smile on his face drops to a frown, mouth opening as if he’s about to say something but a sudden shout from inside the dressing room cuts him off.

“Hey Seungmin-ah! Your turn for makeup!” Lee Know’s voice calls.

The boy’s head swivels before returning to you with another excited smile. “Come on! You two can hang out with us while we finish getting ready!” He says, not waiting for your answer before grabbing your wrist and tugging you inside.

You only have half the mind to make sure Liv is following, refusing to let her get left behind. And you were relieved to see her bright-eyed and right on your heels.

The room quickly opens up from the small entryway but is filled with racks of clothes, vanity stations, and people galore. The staff are busy at work while you spot the boys scattered around the room laughing and playing around with one another when they’re not being beautified by the stylists. Even Smitty catches the corner of your eye leaning up against the wall chuckling at something Chan said to him that you can’t hear.

And speaking of spotting someone, Felix’s face lights up when his eyes land on you being tugged into their space. “Hey! Y/N and Olivia are here!” He announces as he rushes from his perch on the arm of one of the sofas in the center of the room.

“Ah! Liv, you’re really here!” Changbin’s loud exclaim has Han covering his ears and cringing away from where he sits right next to him. Turning, you see your friend’s undeniably blushing face.

“As if I would miss your concert!” She tries sounding cool but the nervousness in her laugh gives her away. You honestly can’t remember a time when you’ve ever seen your bestie this shy. If you weren’t also a ball of nerves, you’d probably be teasing her about it.

But as it stands, you’re no better off.

All of the guys greet the two of you, a chorus of annyeonghaseyo’s. Felix even prancing over to give you each a hug. But it’s the hand still loosely holding your hand that distracts you from hearing anything else.

You risk a glance down, having to make sure you’re not just imagining the contact. Maybe his touch had just burned an imprint into your skin and you’re hallucinating. But you’re thankful to know that you haven’t gone crazy ‘cause, yup, that’s Seungmin’s hand still holding yours.

Liv’s words from earlier wreak havoc in your mind. ‘It’s ok to want more,’ replays over and over.

When you finally look up, his eyes are watching you, waiting to see your reaction. “Is this ok?” He asks softly when he has your attention. You feel like your brain is short-circuiting.

Maybe…maybe Liv is right and he does feel the same. But if that is true, how do you process this information? How are you supposed to act when you’re not completely convinced this won’t end badly for the two of you?

You swallow down the internal crisis threatening to ruin the amazing concert you’re about to experience and focus on being in the moment instead. Slowly, you twist your wrist ever so slightly, Seungmin loosening his grip with curious eyes watching you still. Your fingers lace between his, testing the waters by closing your grasp. He returns the pressure, squeezing your hand as bright excited eyes beaming back at you.

It was all the answer he needed.

And suddenly you’re being pulled along by your conjoined hands. “Come sit with me while they touch up my makeup,” he suggests.

You allow yourself to let out a giddy laugh, following him like a lost puppy. With the tiny bit of sense you have left, you barely check in that it was also okay with Liv for you to basically abandon her, just to find that she has already abandoned you to find a comfy spot on the sofa between Changbin and Han giggling away.

If your eye catches Chan throwing a knowing smirk towards the two of you, you choose not to acknowledge it.

It feels more secluded when Seungmin sits in a vanity chair and offers for you to sit beside him, the other members preoccupied across the room and only the makeup artist hovering around him. You stay quiet while the lady doing his makeup speaks to him briefly before getting to work.

“How has your day been?” Seungmin asks, making you sputter out a laugh of disbelief. “What?” He follows up in confusion at your indignant noise.

”You’re seriously asking me about my day?! My day was boring until now!” You laugh at how ridiculous it all sounds.

“Well tell me about your ‘boring’ day then!” He chuckles along, not intending for it to seem like small talk but a genuine question since he is actually interested in your day.

“Do you know what the term ‘boring’ means? I think you’re confused.”

The look he gives you makes your heart sputter and the laughter in your throat dies out. His eyes are adoring, as if you hung the stars and the moon revolves around you instead of the earth.

“What you find boring will be very interesting to me,” is how he replies sincerely.

You mutter and sputter under your breath as you try to formulate actual words out of your flustered state. Seungmin chuckles lightly to himself, allowing you to compose yourself as he closes his eyes for the makeup artist to do her job.

It feels so much longer than it actually is before you’ve regained control over your cognition. “Liv and I had to take care of some things with the horses before we could come here. That’s all,” you tell him.

“Oh yeah? Did you take good care of Pearl this morning?” He asks in a happy tone.

“I did, actually. She and Storm decided they wanted to play tag with me and refused to come inside until I played with them,” a laugh bubbling out as you tell the story.

“See? At least they know how to have some fun!” He teases.

“Hey! I’m fun!” You cry indignantly.

The smirk Seungmin gives you and the sparkle in his eyes show his mirth. “Oh I know you are,” he tells you honestly.

Your face flushes, left sputtering and flustered by his words. He chuckles under his breath, leaning his head back as the makeup artist requests before muttering a quiet “cute” to himself.

“You have got to stop saying things like that to me,” you mumble in embarrassment through the fingers covering your face.

“I have no idea what you mean,” he counters, playing as innocent as possible to get that extra rise out of you.

“You definitely know what I mean.”

The smirk he gives reminds you of the cat that got the cream. That’s when you realize what he’s doing. Your eyes narrow playfully as he’s preoccupied with the powder puff pummeling his face.

Two can play at this game.

Just then, the makeup artist interrupts to say she’s finished with a quick and polite bow to leave. It’s just the two of you now and you can tease him right back.

“You know, it’s not so easy wrangling in two horses who wanna play keep away,” you say in an airy tone.

“Or~ they just wanted to play with you,” he counters, turning towards you with his full attention.

You smirk as you reply, “So you think I would be fun to play with?”

Seungmin’s face instantly turns a bright shade of red, his eyes wide in surprise at your boldness. “Uh—um, I-I, ehem,” he stammers, trying to clear his throat to slow his racing heart.

You had expected him to quip back. Maybe get a little flustered, but not completely speechless! The gears in your brain turn with why he’s so embarrassed.

.

.

.

Then it clicks.

“OH MY GOD!!” You scream in horror. “I didn’t mean it like that!! I’m so sorry!!”

Seungmin laughs when he realizes the misunderstanding, reaching out to gently take hold of your wrists and pull your hands from covering your face. Your eyes meet his, your skin tingling where his touches.

“It’s alright. I won’t tell anyone,” He promises with an adorable grin. You can’t help but stare at him. His smile softens, hands sliding from around your wrists until your hands rest in his.

It feels like time slows down for a moment. Just the two of you and nothing else in the world matters.

“Oi!” The sudden shout from across the room startles you, but Seungmin keeps one of your hands captured in his grasp. “What’s all the screaming about?” It was Felix’s curiosity getting the better of him.

Your face heats up, mouth falling open just to close again, floundering for any kind of excuse but coming up short. Seungmin gives your hand a light squeeze, a subtle assurance that he’ll handle it. It’s safe to say you’re about to be completely humiliated for a raunchy joke you didn’t even mean to make.

“Nothing! I made her think I moved her seats to the very back row ‘cause she was making fun of me!” He lies for you easily. Relief floods your system and you allow your spine to relax. But then you hear the high-pitched whine from Liv.

“Y/N! Don’t you dare get us kicked to the back!” She cries dramatically. “Binnie~! You won’t let him put me in the back will you~?”

The way Changbin immediately leaps out of his seat and starts barreling towards you two. Seungmin’s hand retracts from yours to protect himself as his hyung playfully jumps on him.

“Seungmin-ah! How could you threaten to take away their stage front seats!” Changbin bellows with a laugh. The other boys laugh and root between the two boys but you and Olivia freeze.

If you weren’t focused on seeing if she had the same reaction, you might have been worried you gave yourself whiplash from how fast you turned to look at her. And if her eyes being the size of saucers was any indication, she had no clue either. You physically shake your head in disbelief as you regain a fraction of your cognition.

“Very funny,” you finally say with a laugh, causing both boys to stop play-fighting and turn to look at you. “Seungmin already told me the barricades were sold out. But we’ll be happy with any seat that’s closer than the nose bleeds!” You smile bright and sincere.

Changbin’s brow scrunches in confusion before he looks at the younger boy beside him. One glance around and you see all the boys are looking between each other and are oddly quiet.

“What?” You ask, suddenly self-conscious that you’d said something you shouldn’t have.

“You didn’t tell them?” Chan questions from across the room. You quickly look from him to Seungmin, who you know he’s talking to.

“Tell me what?” You press, your anxiousness eating its way into your chest.

“Thanks for ruining the surprise, Old Man,” Seungmin grumbles.

“W-wait, what?” You say as if he weren’t just about to get in a fight with Chan.

He turns to you, features shy as he scratches the back of his neck. “Well, yeah, the barricades were sold out so I talked with our staff and have a spot near the sound booth in front of the stage for you to watch the show.”

You stare at him wide-eyed for the millionth time. They can’t be serious— He can’t be serious. The mysterious seats he moved you to are even closer than the barricade?? There is no way.

“Oh. No. No, no! We can’t—! How—I—!” You suck in a deep breath and let it go to calm the raging beat of your heart that starts pounding in your ears. It only helps a little bit. “Thank you. Really. But we can’t accept those seats.”

The whiny scoff from Liv across the room cuts through the otherwise silent room. “But why can’t weeee?”

“Because we’ll just be in the way!” You hiss at her, then soften your tone again as you regard Seungmin again. “It was very sweet of you to pull the strings you did but we don’t need special treatment like that. Just being here with you is enough.”

His wide eyes are filled with awe as he stares back at you. You can’t place why he’s looking at you that way. The only thing you’ve done is speak the truth.

“Y/N, it’s really not a problem!” Chan tries to assure you as he and the other boy make their way closer.

“Yeah! We want both of you to be there, Noona!” Jeongin adds.

“Think of it as a thank you for putting up with us the past several days!” Felix joins in cheerfully.

“And for putting so much thought into pairing us with the perfect horse companions,” Hyunjin says before sighing wistfully. “I miss Daisy already.”

This makes you laugh under your breath as the other boys all voice their agreement. You vaguely notice Changbin moving to hover closer to Olivia who had also migrated from the sofa cushions.

“What would I have done if Hannie’s horse hadn’t stayed beside mine so I could hold his hand if I got scared?!” Minho adds with a dramatic shout.

“Hey!” Han squawks. “Quit being weird, Hyung! This isn’t about you!”

Just about everyone paid the two no mind, but their antics still make you laugh. It didn’t ease the uneasiness that has settled in your stomach at the prospect of taking advantage of their kindness though.

“But guys, it’s just too much. I can’t—”

“You can, Y/N,” Seungmin corrects you, softly taking your hand back into his. “We want both of you to be there for us. I want you to be there, for me.”

His admission surprises you, but you realize then that it really shouldn’t. He’s done nothing but make it abundantly clear that he wants you beside him since day one. Yet, for some reason, it’s still so hard to believe.

“No one deserves it more than you,” he says as if it were fact, an unquestionable truth that he believes.

“But I—”

“Y/N, I love you, you’re my best friend, and I will follow you on whatever decision you make on this. But please just think about it for a second before you jump on the self-deprecating train again,” Liv begs, hands folded and all for added emphasis.

You stare at her for a long moment before your eyes drift around the other faces in the room. The mix of nervous and worried faces looking back at you leaves you wondering, do they really deem you worthy of such a gift?

When you finally turn back to Seungmin, you’re not sure if you’ll ever get used to the way his eyes sparkle when he’s looking at you. But it’s hard to deny him when he’s looking at you like you’re the one who hung the stars in the sky.

It honestly takes your breath away, your fingers giving his a light squeeze.

“Ok,” you agree softly. Seungmin’s smile beams at you as the room exhales a collective sigh of relief. A renewed buzz of excitement sparks up conversations around you but you’re too engrossed in the boy in front of you to pay that close of attention to them.

“I promise you won’t regret it,” he tells you softly so the others can’t hear. You offer him a small smile to that.

“I know I won’t,” you tease, getting a chuckle from him.

A body suddenly appears beside you before engulfing you in a big hug. “Seungminnie would have been devastated if you’d denied those seats!” Felix teases the younger just across from you. And you hear his huff of annoyance since you had let go of his hand again.

“He says as if he wouldn’t be crying on stage the entire time for the same reason,” Seungmin fires back.

A giggle bubbles up in your chest as you tighten your hug around Felix in a protective gesture and your face masked in dramatic shock. “Kim Seungmin! You’re supposed to be a Sunshine Protector!” You playfully scold.

A pout scrunches his face but you can see the mirth in his eyes. Felix pokes his tongue out at him in victory and it’s all over. You laugh as he gets lunged at and yips before he takes off running.

Lee Know manages to snag the blonde ball of sunshine and drag him into a loose headlock. Seungmin laughs in triumph before Hyunjin grabs him from behind, trapping his arms at his sides with a loud cackle.

The room has completely erupted into chaos as the other boys join in. Except for Changbin who is watching casually on the sidelines beside your best friend. You won’t mention how his arm is flexed just so as he leans against the couch where Liv could have a free view of the gun show.

Watching them all play around with each other, without the camera or trying to put on a show, it’s clear that the friendship they have is real. And it’s so much deeper than just a friendship. These boys are brothers.

You make a decision at that moment. A decision that will change everything for you.

You decide that you could get used to this.

~*~

taglist

@kangaracha @rainfallingfromthesky @puppysmileseungmin @defnotfertilizedtoesw @teenyfinds

@bbokari711 @lakoya @chlodavids @rylea08 @chanshugsaretherapy

@palindrome969 @keepswingin

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Special Interest 6

Warnings: non/dubcon, age gap, creep behaviour, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Cole Turner, short!reader

Part of the Bookstore AU

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

Saturday morning has you in a fog as you awake from a long night of vivid but forgotten dreams. You can't recall a single detail but you're thoroughly irritated by your nocturnal alternate reality. As you go down to claim your morning coffee and bid away the headache looming behind your brow, you're greeted by your parents' voices.

"Hmm, it's still doing that thing," your dad huffs, "strange."

"I told you, hon," your mom hums, "that nice man says it's um, you know, this U part... well... I can't remember exactly what he said."

You drag your feet into the kitchen and squint, "call a plumber, please. I'm done getting sprayed in the face."

"You got plumber money?" Your dad snips, "look, I can figure it out. I'll check the Facebook group."

"I'm sure all the boomers on their will know exactly how to lift the sink up by its bootstraps," you chuckle.

"Honey," your mother warns as your dad fumbles with his phone, jabbing at the screen with his index finger.

"I'm not a boomer," he grumbles as he shakes his head.

"Kidding," you fill the coffee carafe from the fridge filter to avoid further breaking the sink, "you know I'm teasing."

"Huh, says here I got the wrong part," your dad scratches his chin, "s'alright, I gotta grab a few things down at the depot anyway."

"How much are you going to spend before you get a professional in here?" Your mother challenges.

"It's eleven bucks, honey," your dad retorts with a sickly sweetness in his tone, "you wanna come with me?"

"Ugh, no, I'm making lemon meringue."

"Lemon mer-- why on earth are you going to all that trouble?"

"Because, Wilson, is it's a nice day and I want pie--"

Right, you're going to let the coffee brew as their marital discord does the same. Your parents tend to swing between head over heels and to the point of throwing hands on any day. A stormy but efficient relationship. It hardly lends credence to your mother's desperate pleas for you to snag a husband.

You go back upstairs and sit down at your work table. You open your planner and review your tasks for the day. Print some stickers, get some more work down on that infinity scarf, and maybe a nap if you make good progress. First, some music to drown out your parents as they go back and forth. Oh marriage does seem like a fairytale.

🧶

Your day wanes away to afternoon as you furrow your brow at your needles. You slouch uncomfortable against a pile of pillows against the corner of the wall. Your legs are bent atop the bed as a Youtube video plays on your phone and fills the void. The ombre effect looks good but this is sure tedious.

The fall grays to a winterly malaise. The only good thing about this time of year is the opportunity to wear turtlenecks and drown in hot drinks. Thinking of, you could use another. Maybe not coffee, but hot chocolate could scratch your itch. You loop the scarf over your neck as you jostle off the bed and keep up your looping.

You drift out of your room, crocheting and peeking up every few steps. You make a lazy descent and as you come to the first floor, you hear a commotion in the kitchen. Is your dad still at it? At this rate, you may as well just toss the sink out.

You enter, hoping that a hot chocolate isn't too much to ask. You stop short as you see two legs sticking out from beneath the sink. Those are not your father's boots. Did he really cave and hire a plumber?

Your mother hovers over the man, watching him as she leans on the open cupboard door.

"Thank you so much for doing this," she preens, "so lucky you could make it over. I swear, Wilson was going to drive himself to an aneurysm," she babbles. That's the thing, even service workers are a target for her ramblings. You pity the man stuck beneath the pipes, trapped with her yammering.

"Yeah, no problem, beats the troughs at the farm," the man responds lightly.

Suddenly you don't feel so bad for him as you recognise his voice. Your mother sure is an idiot. She invited this weirdo into her home? Your home? You can't say you're surprised, only deeply disappointed.

Before you can flee, your mother's attention is drawn by the unintentional click of your needles as they hit each other. Fuck.

"There you are, sweetie. Look who came to fix the sink," she chimes.

"Ugh," is all you give her as you commit to your mission. You poke the needles into the yarn and let them hang. You grab a packet of chocolate powder and mug. You keep your back to the duo as you flip on the kettle to boil.

"Hey," Cole says, his voice no longer muffled beneath the counter.

You don't acknowledge him. You mom harrumphs.

"Honey, don't be like that. He's a guest," she tuts, "oh, Cole," she continues on her tittering, "I made some pie, do you want to stay for dinner?"

You growl. This isn't going to work. You think you'll just starve in your room. You narrow your eyes at the kettle, willing the water to boil telepathically. It doesn't work.

"Well, I'd hate to impose," he says, grunting as he sets his feet and stands, his shadow rising over your shoulder. "Alright, so this is what we're going to do, start the dishwasher. It should create enough pressure to clear the block."

“Oh, you're so clever,” your mother praises. “And it's no problem, we have more than enough. It must be such a far way, I couldn't send you off just like that.”

“He probably has work to do on his farm. His home. Hanging out with the pigs or whatever,” you chirp.

“We don't have pigs. Got some chickens though. Oh, you should try some of the eggs,” Cole brushes by your insult, “maybe I could bring you some–”

“Probably not necessary, they sell eggs at the 7 Eleven.”

“Don't be so rude,” your mother snaps, “you're embarrassing yourself and me. If you're going to keep this up, you won't have any pie.”

“Fine with me,” you stick your tongue out.

“Look, hey,” Cole injects with his palms out, “I guess… I guess it's time to come clean. Camila, your daughter, she has a good reason to hate me. We've met before and I put my foot in my mouth and I think I embarrassed her so for that I apologise. I feel awful about it and I should've brought it up sooner.”

“Oh, wow, you–” your mom reels at the revelation, “well, I think then it's meant to be. The universe brought you back so you can apologise. Honey,” she turns to you, “can't you forgive him?”

You blink. The kettle clicks off as it boils. You glance between them. You turn your back to the kitchen and fill your mug, stirring with a spoon before tramping off without a word.

His act might work on her but you know he didn't find you to say sorry. He's too old to be wasting his time on you. He's pathetic.

[okayto]

Mini-Review: Summer Time Rendering

To attend the funeral of his best friend and part of the family that took him in after his parents died, Shinpei returns to his small island home for the first time in two years. Hearing whispers that her body showed bruises around her neck inconsistent with the story of a tragic drowning while rescuing a child in the ocean, Shinpei becomes suspicious. There may be something brewing under the surface of this warm summer...

This is the perfect show as the northern hemisphere heads into summer: atmospheric, intriguing, balancing action and mystery.

STR first piqued my interested when I saw it referred to repeatedly as a show that didn't get the attention it deserved (a reviewer for Anime News Network referred to it as "among the best anime of 2022") due to being locked in "the Disney+ jail."

And having watched it, I agree: if this had been on a bigger anime-watching platform and released (in the US, at least) close to when it came out in Japan, it absolutely would've made a bigger splash. For some inscrutable reason, Disney got the rights but didn't release this in the US until months after it finished its run in Japan, without fanfare as a Hulu exclusive.

The upside to this is that you can more easily go in blind, and this is a show that benefits from knowing as little as possible ahead of time. Watching it weekly would've been an experience, but it lends itself to bingeing, as each episode advances the story--and mystery--even more, leaving the viewer hooked and hungry for answers.

That does, of course, make it difficult to talk about specific things I liked! The mystery is suspenseful, but it keeps up a good pace, balancing revealing more of what's going on with introducing even more questions. There wasn't a single episode where I got frustrated because it felt like the show was just playing up the tension; you're right there with Shinpei piecing things together, even if the thing is just "I can affect this even if I don't know what the outcome is."

Shinpei is a good main character, intelligent but not overbearing, and balanced with a cast that can variously match or surpass him in strength, intelligence, and relevant skills; if it weren't for the Plot Reason he's the protagonist, this would have just as well worked as an equal-ensemble show. Even Ushio, whose death was the catalyst for Shinpei's return, plays an active role in the story, helping prevent this from just being about a boy doing stuff in sad service to the memory of a dead girl.

As Shinpei uncovers more information about what happened, and through judicious use of flashbacks, Ushio's character develops, and she is a great character. In a show where scenes are sometimes sorting through the equivalent of two simultaneous chess games, it's nice to have at least one character who, while not stupid, uses her scenes to be refreshingly straightforward.

Verdict

English dub? Yes!

Visuals: Very nice! The story takes place equally during the day and after dark, as well as in a variety of locations, and it does a good job setting the stage, as well as balancing darkness and the need for the viewers to actually see things.

Worth watching? Absolutely. It's 25 episodes and uses all of them, neither feeling like it's dragging things out nor moving too fast. And despite its length, you don't have to wait until the final episodes to get any answers--Shinpei starts working things out quickly, and so the viewer does too. It's a solid suspenseful action show, and it was quickly obvious to me why I'd seen so many people say Disney did it dirty with its bizarre release.

Where to watch (USA, May 2024): Hulu (sub and dub)

Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!

[bitchywitchyvibes666]

Fire and Ice  (NSFW )

Second person pov ~~~~~~~~~~ 

Fire and ice, it was a combination you knew very well and you knew how beautifully the two very different colours went together. You saw how well Shoto made them look and thought you could do it too. You spent hours online finding a dress that made up a perfect combination of both of the colours, you looked through all the reviews and seeing all the photos of happy shoppers with the dress so you bought it. 

Once it got here you couldn’t help the rush of excitement that came with holding the beautiful white box. You’d rush to your shared bedroom before gently placing the box on the bed, taking your time to open it and take out the dress. It was even more beautiful in person, photos really didn’t do it justice. 

You ran your hand over the silk of the dress, taking care when going over the small details. A soft smile adorned your face as you stared at the dress before moving to try it on. Getting rid of Shoto’s old hoodie and your old stained sweats to switch to your dream dress. You spent a good half hour fixing your hair and applying light makeup before putting on the dress and moving in front of the mirror. 

Your smile quickly dying the longer you stared at the person staring back at you, the dress was completely perfect. The colour, the fabric, the design, even how comfortable the corseted top was even thought it laced in the front, just everything was perfect but now it felt like something was out of place. It fit perfectly, like it was truly made for you but it just didn’t feel right on you. Maybe it was how your boobs looked slightly spilling from the top, the way your leg looked through the slit on the side, the way your stomach slightly protruded even in the corset, the way the colour of your skin looked with it. You couldn’t pin point exactly what the problem was you just knew it was you, you knew that you were thing that was out of place. 

You were so wrapped up in your staring that you hadn’t even heard Shoto come home until he cleared his throat. You jumped slightly, letting out a small gasp as you turned to face Shoto, still clad in his hero costume, by the door of your shared bedroom. 

His multicoloured eyes trailing over your form in the dress making you shift your weight slightly not noticing it caused more leg to be shown. He was just silently taking you in as your mind raced about what could possibly be going through the stoic mans head. 

“You look absolutely stunning darling, please tell me you just gracing me with this view” 

You just stared as his voice travelled through you, never failing to make you clench your thighs slightly but this time your heart also clenched. Just gracing him? Did he not want others to see you in it? Did it really look that bad? Before you could even gather your wits or form a single sentence he spoke again, almost like he read your mind. 

“I couldn’t bring myself to share such a mouth-watering view with anyone else. If I had known this is what I’d be coming home to then I would of been home sooner my love, I apologise” 

You could only mutter a single “oh” before he was closing the distance between you two, large hands making their way to sit on the curve of your hips before sliding up to hold your waist. He stared down at you before moving a large hand to hold your cheek. 

“May I, love?” He questioned before his eyes moved to your lips, always the gentleman was your Shoto. You wanted to say yes, give him exactly what he was asking for you, drown in the perfection that was your man but you just couldn’t. You felt so unattractive right now and you couldn’t bear the thought of him having to deal with that. 

You shook your head as you moved back slightly, stepping out of Shoto’s waiting arms. Your heart ached as you watched the look of confusion that crossed his pretty face. You wanted nothing more than to go back and get lost in him but you knew if you didn’t like how you looked right now then he certainly wouldn’t. 

“My love is something the matter? If you don’t wish to do anything then I can understand but I will ask you to change because I don’t think my self control will last if you wear that.” 

You couldn’t help the blush that left you feeling hot all over, how could he talk like that when you looked like this? You knew first hand that Shoto was very good with his hands but not many people realised how amazing he was with his words. Shoto had a way of making you fall when it came to his words, he could get you to do or say anything, it was truly magic. 

“I’m gonna change anyway Sho, I don’t look as good as I thought I would” You couldn’t stop the words that tumbled out of you at the sight of his confused face and tilted head. You started to playing with your fingers as you looked at the floor, unable to look into his eyes after you had spoken. 

“Don’t look good? Darling I can assure you that good isn’t even where I would begin to describe you. You look utterly divine and I’m having a hard time controlling myself, I would be more than happy to show you what I think of the way you look especially in that dress” 

You looked up at him with wide as eyes as you watched his perfectly sculpted lips pull into a small smirk. His multicolour eyes shone with desire as he watched the way your breathing picked up at his words. He moved towards you with big strides as you tried to back up until your back hit the wall as he placed one hand on the wall by your head and the other came to rest his fingers under your chin. 

You could only release a breathless sigh of his name before he placed his lips on yours. His lips were always surprisingly warm and very soft and they moved in perfect time with yours. He had tilted your head up to get a better angle but still had to bend his slightly, his split hair gently tickling your face as you kissed. 

Your hands came to rest on his biceps, one a warmer than the other, you gently squeezed them as he pushed himself further against your body, his bulge pressing into your abdomen. He parted his lips from yours, giving you a second to deny him and when he saw no rejection he moved to kiss you again. His tongue gently swiping across your bottom lip, begging for access so he could truly started to show you how beautiful he finds you. 

You moved to wrap your around around his neck as his tongue battled for dominance with yours. You put up a small fight with your tongue but you knew you’d give into him in the end, you always did. Shoto always worked your body the best when he was in control. His lips parted from yours once again moving down your jaw to your neck, kissing, licking, sucking and biting the sensitive skin of your neck making sure to leave his mark. He loved leaving his mark because he loved reminding people that you were his. 

Your soft moans were cut off by a gasp and Shoto moved to pick you up, your legs moving around his slender waist and he moved you over to the end. He was gentle in the way he laid you down on the bed, your back hitting the softest sheets you’d ever owned. His breathing hadn’t even picked up as he looked down at you before he spoke. 

“Tell me to stop now or at any point and I will dear but right now I have to have you, please allow me as much” 

You answered him but kissing him once more, with more desperation and need than before. He responded with just as much enthusiasm, moving to push the hard budge in his pants against you as you kissed, making you moan into the kiss. You made out for a few moments more before he pulled away leaving a string of saliva as his skilled fingers moved to undo the corset that hide your perfects tits from his view. 

Once he had gotten the corset out of the way he made his way to your tits, taking one nipple into his warm mouth, teeth gently scraping your tit as his fingers pulled and played with the other, using his quirk to leave one half of you colder than the other. Your moans and whimpers filled the space between you as he gently bit your nipple before switching sides. 

Once he was satisficed with his worked he started to softly pull off your dress, making sure not to ruin it because he’d definitely make sure to see you in it again. Hopefully with the same ending in mind. 

He sat back on his heels as he took in the sight before him, you were clad in nothing but pale blue panties, hair now the most perfect mess he’d ever seen and your skin looked like heaven when it was flushed with desire. He trailed one hand over your thigh, fingers gently teasing the inside of your thigh as he heard you whimper, he loved the way you sounded. 

He moved to stand at the end of the end of the bed, placing his hand on your thighs to drag you to the end of the bed, kneeling on the floor so he had better access to your covered cunt. He brushed his nose against your panties before pressing his tongue against then, relishing in the choked moan that came from you. Loving the whines of “Shoto please” he knew exactly what you wanted and you’d get it, in time. 

He continued to tease your clothed cunt as you moaned and begged him to just take them off and eat you out but he couldn’t help but love the way you begged so prettily for him, he just had to give you what you wanted when you sounded that good. He pulled away just long enough to pull your panties off before diving back into your perfect cunt. His tongue teasing your wet hole before sliding up and teasing your clit. He moved a finger to gently circle your hole before gently pushing it, loving how it felt to have his finger inside you. He sucked your clit into his mouth and he gently pumped his finger inside you.  

Fuck you teased divine, he didn’t know what he loved more, the taste of you or the way you moaned his name. His free hand moving to palm his cock cover his hero costume as he ate you out, gently thrusting against his hand the moan you more. He gently prodded another finger against your hole before gently inching it in, he curled them ever so slightly to hear the way your breath hitched as he did. He continued to suck on your clit, sometimes teasing it with his teeth and pump his slender fingers inside you until he felt you clench around them. Your moaning was louder now and your legs started to tense and that’s when he pulled away and sucked on his fingers, earning a disappointed whine from you.

You whined as you moved your head up from the bed to look at him, ready to complain at the lose of contact but instead found yourself watching Shoto stripped. His eyes stayed trained on you and his boxers dropped to the floor and he stepped out of them in-between your legs. One hand resting on your hip as the other gently gripped the base of his cock. 

“Ready, love?” God it was almost sinful the way he sounded right now, voice so hot ad heavy with need and desire. You stared up at him and moaned a needy yes at him, ready to have his cock ruin you. He smirked as he brushed the tip of his cock against your cunt, his cock head hitting your clit with ever swipe. The more you begged and the more his teasing resolve fell, he need to be inside you and he needed it now. 

He pushed the tip of his cock inside and let out a low moan as he did so, perfectly in time with your higher pitched one. He stilled for a moment before pushing the rest of his cock, once he reached the base he stopped to give you time to adjust. Once you gave your moan of approvable he started to gently pump his cock into you. 

The hand gripping your hip tightened as he moved, the one coming to rest by your head as he slowly thrusted deep inside your cunt. Your hands come to rest on his back, nails digging into his back as he started to speed him, hitting so deliciously deep inside of you. 

Shoto could only think of how fucking good you felt around his cock, this was as close to heaven as he was ever gonna get. He savoured every moan and whine of his name as he he hammered into your perfect cunt. You saw stars as Shoto leaned back and moved the hand away from by your head to rub your clit, his fingers working your body to the most ground breaking orgasm as he started to moan. Legs clenched around his waisted as he moaned your name, both hands how holding your lips as he pumped his release into you, loving the way you milked his cock. 

He moved to lay his forearms by your head, damp forehead pressed against yours as you both heavy breathed, coming down your your highs. He pressed his lips to yours before saying “You look better in my colours than I do darling, keep the dress for me please” 

You smiled and nodded at him, willing to do anything for this reaction again. 

[bookaddict24-7]

RECO OF THE WEEK!

An Emotion of Great Delight by Tahereh Mafi

Synopsis:

"It's 2003, several months since the US officially declared war on Iraq, and the American political world has evolved. Tensions are high, hate crimes are on the rise, FBI agents are infiltrating local mosques, and the Muslim community is harassed and targeted more than ever. Shadi, who wears hijab, keeps her head down.

She's too busy drowning in her own troubles to find the time to deal with bigots.

Shadi is named for joy, but she's haunted by sorrow. Her brother is dead, her father is dying, her mother is falling apart, and her best friend has mysteriously dropped out of her life. And then, of course, there's the small matter of her heart--

It's broken.

Shadi tries to navigate her crumbling world by soldiering through, saying nothing. She devours her own pain, each day retreating farther and farther inside herself until finally, one day, everything changes.

She explodes.

An Emotion of Great Delight is a searing look into the world of a single Muslim family in the wake of 9/11. It's about a child of immigrants forging a blurry identity, falling in love, and finding hope--in the midst of a modern war."

___

Check out my review on Goodreads here.

Add this book to your TBR on Goodreads here.

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Have you read this book? Would you recommend it?

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Happy reading!

[thetypedwriter]

The Starless Sea Book Review

The Starless Sea Book Review by Erin Morgenstern 

This book made me feel like I was drowning. 

In honey. 

If you don’t get that reference, don’t worry. Morgenstern will beat you over the head with it every single chapter until you can never see honey the same way again. 

Now, I feel like I’m in an odd camp where I actually haven’t read Morgenstern’s famous masterpiece The Night Circus. I’ve always wanted to get around to reading it, but it always seemed to slip right past my to-be-read pile. 

So when The Starless Sea came out, I thought yes! This is my chance to get in on a Morgenstern book early. 

Too bad I didn’t like it. 

The Starless Sea starts off really interesting. There’s a series of vignettes that hook the reader right away, including a pirate and a girl, an acolyte in training, a dollhouse village, and a fortune-teller’s son. The fortune teller’s son turns out to be the main protagonist of the novel—Zachary Ezra Rawlins. 

Zachary Ezra Rawlins is a hermit-like young man in his mid-20’s studying game design. He ends up finding an old book at his university’s library in which his real life childhood memory is one of the chapters. The other chapters of this old novel? All chapters that we as readers have been consuming since the first page. Very meta, Morgenstern. 

Understandably baffled, Zachary Ezra Rawlins sets on a quest to uncover the book’s secrets, leading him to the very real underground world of the Starless Sea, including its inhabitants, puzzles, and magic. 

Throughout the journey, Zachary Ezra Rawlins meets other characters connected to the Starless Sea in some capacity and finally gets the answer to the question that has plagued him since childhood: what would have happened if he had opened that door? 

I genuinely wish I could go more in depth about this book’s plot, but there’s only one main problem—this book doesn't have a plot. Go ahead and read that sentence again. I’ll state it once more for good measure: As an objective third-party outsider with absolutely no stakes in the matter, The Starless Sea contains no discernible plot to speak of. 

I can say that the plot was a convoluted mess that didn’t make any sense. Zachary Ezra Rawlins (yes, it does get annoying repeating this again and again, yet Morgenstern opens every chapter with it) goes deep down underground past the Harbor into the Starless Sea for…reasons. 

He encounters numerous puzzles and magic and lots of rooms that Morgenstern likes to describe in excruciating detail, mainly that they’re dripping in honey and occupied by cats. The other people he encounters don’t answer most of his questions, leaving the reader bewildered and frustrated. 

One character in particular is a man that Zachary Ezra Rawlins falls in love with for seemingly no reason at all. They have about three stunted conversations, including one where the other man whispers menacingly in his ear in the dark about bees and owls and swords for ten minutes, and then Zachary Ezra Rawlins is risking life and limb in the abyss of the Starless Sea to rescue him. 

Another character is trying to blow up the Starless Sea for inane reasons that don’t make sense, but essentially get boiled down to she’s trying to protect it.

The other characters include Zachary Ezra Rawlins’ college friend who gets way more page time than she needs to, the keeper of the Starless Sea that answers nobody’s questions, Mirabel who is apparently the embodiment of fate, and her parents, who have been trapped in time and space for…a long time? 

None of these characters called to me. None of them were awful, but all of them outside of Zachary Ezra Rawlins were either too brief, underdeveloped, or abstract for me to connect with on any kind of emotional level. 

I wanted to connect to Zachary Ezra Rawlins, but none of his actions held much depth, his thinking was too shallow, and his commitment to his love interest Dorian actively didn’t contain any kind of logic or understanding. 

You might be wondering: if she didn’t like the nonsensical story or the characters, did she like anything?

Indeed, I did. The setting of The Starless Sea was really incredible. I’m always in awe of people’s creativity and imagination, both qualities Morgenstern seems to have in droves. The descriptions of the rooms, the Harbor, and the Starless Sea itself were all intricate, beautiful, and extremely symbolic. 

I wish I could say that I liked Morgenstern’s writing, but it really grated on me. What started off as moving writing, well-crafted sentences, and intentional symbolism turned into a repetitive slog that drove me up the wall. 

I like symbolism as much as the next person, especially subtle symbolism, but Morgenstern’s symbolism is the opposite of subtle. 

Morgenstern’s symbolism wants to beat you over the head with a key. Or a bee. Or a sword. Or a crown. Or an owl. You get where I'm going with this. What could have been a really cool series of motifs turned into a pretentious drone that aggravated me more and more as I continued to read. 

Overall, I was really disappointed with The Starless Sea. With a little more plot direction, tightening of the characters, and less symbolism, The Starless Sea could have been an alluring and fantastic read to rival the everlasting fame of The Night Circus. 

As it stands, however, The Night Circus would only need to contain a recognizable plot to be better than The Starless Sea for me. 

Recommendation: If you are a Morgenstern fangirl and will be reading The Starless Sea regardless of what I say, fantasize about the incredible setting of The Starless Sea and hope to forget about everything else. If you’re like me and haven’t delved into Morgenstern’s worlds just yet, start and end with The Night Circus. 

Score: 4/10

[gx-gameon]

Alright since some people are asking about certain episodes, Jaden escaping that Admiral guy. While Seto and Atem raining down fire and brimstone is appealing, it's also hilarious to think that Joey is still in contact with Mako Tsunami, who is the one to help Jaden escape.

I saved this ask because I was close to watching the episode again. So I’m going to do my episode review and then my thoughts on how this will play out in the au!!!

Episode 38

The girls (Syrus and Jaden) are fighting. Jaden really traded that boy’s bed for a card.

The admin is in a submarine and he’s challenging Jaden right out the gate. (Has anyone else defeated a shadow rider yet? No. I’m really missing Joey and Seto’s strength.

I love Alexis, bastion and Chazz immediately volunteering to go with him. (Where was this energy in season 3)

and of course Syrus is being a baby and not going. Here’s the thing besides the little bed argument (which like I’d be mad to) Jaden hasn’t been a bad friend to Syrus. Like he empty headed but he almost always puts his friends first. He’s not perfect but he is Syrus’s number one supporter this season. And here he is saying “I’ll go alone. Syurus is right my friends keep getting threatened.” And the other three are like “no way we’re coming. We’re in this together.” And Jaden looks at Syrus “Sy are you coming?” The kid won’t even look at him. Like this year has been a lot but stuck with your friend.

I was starting to think I was being too harsh on Syrus. Ya he’s whiny but he’s grown. I remember this trick from the first time I watched this show. This is it this is where my dislike starts. Joey would never do this to Yugi. Best friend character my -

Love the admirals duel disks (honestly all the Shadow riders have sick designs for their duel disk)

Jaden is so stressed. He’s immediately yelling about shadow games and keys and what his stick is. (The lights were just turned off) but why does he want to duel Jaden in the first place.

I know Jaden is being silly but someone playing legendary ocean under water, the hologram blocking the glass walls. Making it look like the ocean burst in. I’d be freaked out thinking I’m drowning to.

He’s here to duel Jaden because he wants Jaden to enroll in his brand new school and be the teacher? This man is wild. (Chazz acting like he doesn’t care)

Do you know how enrages Seto is going to be about this. This man just took his son from his school (where he’s supposed to be safe) ‘kidnapped’ him and tried to force him to join his new school.

“How that be?” (The admiral asking how Jaden could pull a move) “I read the card.” Say what you want about the dub but it has some great moments.

Man just tried to bribe him with a million dollars to come work for him. Jaden “I don’t want money.”

“Well what do you have at Duel Academy? Your mate Syrus doesn’t want Ye.” WOW. Way to say it to the kids face. Jaden listen to this man he has a point. Chazz is like ‘the man did his homework’ like yes it’s a petty conflict for the episode. But as fare as characters go Syrus abandoning his friend after one fight is not a great look.

Jaden just got the luckiest pulls.

This man just tried to trick Jaden into staying by saying his friends left him. (He lied to them and said Jaden chose to stay) Syrus waiting is sweet, if it wasn’t for everything else.

Jaden escaping single handed is wild. Took him a week. What was that week like?

I completely forgot about this episode if we are going to be honest with each other but this is going to be a fun one to rewrite.

Everything happens like in cannon except when the admiral takes Jaden he’s still got his phone. He shoots of a message to his dads as soon as he can

‘So don’t freak out. But this admiral guy showed up at school and challenged me. I thought he was one of the Shadow riders so I got on the sub to fight him. Turns out he’s just some guy who wants to open his own duel school and wants me to join his school. I won the duel and told him no. But all my friends left me and he wouldn’t let me go and now I’m kind stuck on this submarine with this weird old guy. It’s been two days. I’m okay. I just might need some help.’

Yugi and Seto promptly freak out.

They kept Jaden’s identity a secret to stop him from getting kidnapped. And now he’s been kidnapped not because he’s their sone but because he’s an amazing duelist.

Seto is ready to burn the sea (doesn’t matter if that’s not possible he has enough money to make it possible.)

Atem is going to bring down all the night of the Egyptian god cards on him

Yugi, normally the voice of reason and the peaceful one has Gandora locked and loaded.

Joey is also ready to go but by some grace of god or duel spirits he has the brain cell today. “Uh guys how are we going to get there?”

“On my blue eyes jet.” It’s the fastest one Seto has.

“That only carries two people.” Joey reminded him with a raised eyebrow. “Where is he? Do we know that?”

Yugi pulling up the tracker in Jaden’s duel disk (he’s the reasonable one but they had a crazy few years as teenagers. He was ready to Jaden’s life to be a little hectic.) “in the middle of the ocean.”

“Cool. I have Mako’s number. Why don’t we call him. He loves the kid and I’m sure he’d want a chance to smack someone who is using the legendary ocean card to kidnap kids.” Joey suggests.

The other three look at each other and then Joey and realize all at once that ya that’s a good plan.

They call Mako. He’s sailing the world and just so happens to be nearby.

Seto absolutely buys a yacht with a submarine and the five head off. Mako is instrumental in navigating them to where they need to go.

Once they get down to the under water school Jaden is already making a ruckus. It’s day four or five for the boy. He’s been fighting for a while to get free. But there is no way to leave the under water school. Until the DM crew arrives.

The admiral is suprised by them showing up. They play it off as Seto getting an alert that a student was kidnapped from his school (the admiral is still suspicious as he took great care to make it look like Jaden left of his own accord) but he doesn’t have long to be suspicious because the five duelist are beating the breaks off of everyone around them.

Once back in the surface (they might have accidentally blown a hole in the underwater school and flooded the place.) Jaden gets checked out and his family wants to spend some time with him. (Understandable)

On day seven though Jaden wants to head back to school and his friends. He thought they all abandoned him and that had really hurt until he found out that the admiral lied to him and to his friends telling them he wanted to stay. He wants to go back and check in with his friends.

Mako teaches the kid how to sail and navigate (skills he will need in season 2 and 4) and they let him take a life boat back by himself (they are close enough to the school that they can watch his progress and their is no way he can get lost. (This is his boat in later seasons)

The yacht is the one they use to check up on Jaden in season two which I talked about here

That summer Mako comes to visit and teaches Jaden more about traveling the sea and how to sail. Making sure the boy will never be in that situation again.

This was super fun!! I totally forgot about this episode but it will be so fun to write their little rescue mission.

[the-inkwell-variable]

Trick or treat!!

AHA A TREAT FOR THEE AND ALSO A CUTE PUMPKIN

TODAY'S TREAT IS A SNIPPET FROM ENDLESS, MY ZOMBIE SHORT STORY COLLECTION THAT I'VE BEEN PUTTING OFF

Under the cut, as it is violent and gory and definitely not to everyone's taste. Enjoy!

“Are y’all ready for some music from the good old days?!”

The screams from the crowd drilled their way into Darcy’s skull. She wanted to screw her face into a mask of pain, but she forced it to remain as blank and impassive as the weird mannequin backstage. She’d worked enough crowds to know that concert-goers were sharks in the water - a single sign of weakness, and it was all over. She’d be dragged under and drowned in the mosh pit. No, she’d have to hide her migraine with a firm glare and crossed arms. She’d done it a thousand times before, she could do it again. There was a reason these washed-up music stars kept hiring her as personal security. She was damned good at her job.

But that didn’t mean she had to like it. It was getting harder and harder to get out of bed on days that she worked. It was an easy gig, sure - she just had to stand in the wings and watch the crowd to make sure nobody tried to hop the stage, and if they did, shove them back into the pit where they belonged. It rarely happened nowadays. People didn’t have the balls they used to. Every show for the past three years had been the same, to the point that she couldn’t tell them apart if you paid her to.

It wasn’t too late to change her career path. Her mom reminded her of that every single time they talked on the phone. She was only thirty-five. There were people in their fifties that went back to college. She had enough money in savings that she could live for a few years without a job - not comfortably, mind you, but she’d have a roof over her head and food on the table, and what more could she really ask for? The real question was, what career path would she study for?

Her train of thought was interrupted before it could truly begin as the movement before her rustled a little too aggressively for her liking. Darcy tore her thoughts from their meandering train and focused on the crowd. A mosh pit was forming - weird, for a classic country concert, but she’d seen weirder. No, this was no ordinary mosh pit. Moshes involved dancing. This looked more like shoving, kicking, punching. So far, nobody was trying to climb onto the stage, so it wasn’t technically her problem… but she still had a job to do, and not reporting this could end up with her getting a bad review. Definitely something to avoid.

She tapped the button on the walkie at her hip. “Heads up,” she muttered into the microphone dangling from her ear. “Mosh pit forming. Looks pretty aggressive.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” A shrill feedback whine accompanied the dismissal, and she cringed in spite of her insistence to remain impassive. “We’ve got eyes on it. People dance harder when they’re drunk. It’s no problem.”

Darcy didn’t respond. No point, really. She wasn’t going to argue the point. This was her first time guarding someone in Bluegrass - maybe they just did concerts differently here in the sticks. Whatever, not her problem. As long as nobody got on the stage, she was happy to let them party however the hell they wanted.

Besides, it seemed venue security did have everything under control. Her eyes trailed to the back of the crowd, where two men in black uniforms wrestled a man out the side door. Maybe she’d just seen a few too many concerts gone wrong - maybe she should start trusting the security detail more. It wasn’t her circus, and these weren’t her monkeys. It would be a lot better for her building migraine if she just stood here and kept her eyes on her client, the one and only thing she was paid to do.

But she couldn’t shake that deep gut feeling that shit was about to go sideways.

Dwayne Davis stepped off the stage to shrill cheers and screams, wiping the sweat from his brow with his flannel sleeve. “What a crowd!” he crows, leaning closer to yell directly into her ear. “I could do this all night! Isn’t it positively electrifying, Darlene?”

“Darcy,” she corrected, an automatic reaction. Her eyes weren’t on him however. She couldn’t take her eyes off of two particularly aggressive men right up against the stage wall. They were dressed identically in plaid flannel and blue jeans - if it wasn’t for their differing hair colors, she’d swear they were twins. One shoved the other, the other surged back. An argument, perhaps? Or a fight in the making? Either way, it made her incredibly uncomfortable. “Mr. Davis, you should end the concert here. Fight’s brewing.”

“Are you mad?” Dwayne Davis didn’t even look at her, too busy cleaning his guitar with a dingy handkerchief. “Do you hear those screams? They love me! They need me! What kind of musician would I be if I ignored their cries for more? I just need a drink of water, then I’m going back out.”

It would be easy to stop him. Dwayne Davis was a scrawny little man, the kind that usually played the comic relief in those old western shows. Darcy was built like a brick house. It would be easy to grab his arm and drag him back out the rear exit, end this concert right now. Still, despite the almost primal urge inside her to grab her client and get out while the getting was good, she watched him toss back half a bottle of water and step back out on stage. The screams grew louder, almost unbearable against the pounding in her temples, but she couldn’t take her eyes off him. There was something about those screams that raised the hairs on the back of her neck. She’d heard plenty of encore demands in her time, but never any like this. It almost sounded like pain and fear, rather than exultation and demand.

Blood sprayed across the floor of the stage - Plaid One dug his fingers into Plaid Two’s shoulders and his teeth into his throat. Darcy was already halfway across sthe stage when Dwayne Davis let out a shrill scream as crimson splattered his imitation alligator boots. “What the - security! Help! Someone help!”

Darcy grabbed his arm. “We’re leaving.”

Dwayne Davis didn’t protest. He allowed her to drag him off the stage, his guitar bouncing off his hip. The stage trembled beneath their feet as people clambered onto it, though whether they were running from the violence or seeking to cause more wasn’t something Darcy was entirely willing to check at the moment. Their screams only spurred her faster. These were not people fleeing from the violence - these were the people causing it, and they were itching to make more. She shoved past backdrops and costume racks, barreling directly toward the back door. She had to get him out. Her paycheck depended on it.

A security guard charged toward them, screaming so loudly that it rasped against a torn throat. Blood sprayed from split lips. Darcy gritted her teeth and squared her shoulders, ready to body slam the man out of her way. Something shoved her square in the back, forcing her off-balance. She stumbled into the security guard’s arms, but he wasn’t there to help her. Dwayne Davis sprinted past, shrieking an apology that disappeared in the cacophony of agony.

I’m going to kill that motherfucker was Darcy’s last thought as the guard tore out her throat.

[pretentious-art-love]

Album Review #64 - Pinkshinyultrablast by Astrobrite

This album is genius! Come in, my friends! Hit play and experience how, with one single trick, this album updates and perfects the Shoegaze formula into absolute perfection! Noise on your design? What about… noisy by design! With this record we are pushing the genre's raw edges to its very limits!

So with Loveless, the clean guitars and the drums play at the extremes of the audio track while the noisy bits occupy the center, right? It’s a good noise, but here’s the thing—it can be… frustrating. It feels like watching the fun happen from really far away, and at the end of the day, having some noise inside your head doesn’t mean much if what you want is to be wrapped in layers and layers of sound. Do you know what I think? That this kind of tornado needs a zoom, a big, big zoom.

This album swaps the formula—the clean guitars go in the center, and the noise is set at the sides! Now we’re right in the middle of the action, feeling the noise as it saws our eardrums, while lovely, sweet, sugary melodies play from afar. The production is relentless but this record keeps a coy, delightful nature on its sound, it is a pure oxymoron where harsh and beautiful come together to create a complete experience in elation. With no drums in most tracks, the songs also fall closer to Ambient than anything else. With relentless, brighter-than-light riffs and production, this is the album where you can easily let yourself lie down and drown in happiness.

7/10

[golddiggersgraveyard]

Molly Santana "Masonic Musik" EP review☽

Molly Santana's "Masonic Musik" starts off with a bang with the song "Greenlight." The intro song's instrumental sounds like it comes straight from a 2014 chiraq mixtape, which fits Molly's off key singing style very well. The overall Chief Keef inspiration within this opening song comes through greatly creating a raging opener that brings excitement for the rest of the project.

Now we have "Want" & "Nothing like this."

These 2 songs show off Molly's versatility, displaying that she can make music for her underground rap fans as well as her new attained mainstream audience who may know her from TikTok and or from seeing her becoming the newest addition to Steven Victor's Record Label "Victor Victor Worldwide" which she signed to this past Summer. "Want' & "Nothing like this" are mainstream pop centered songs that have the potential to be radio hits. With the production on these songs I can easily see myself walking through a H&M or Forever 21 expecting to hear one of these two songs. I believe that Molly is doing a great job at bridging her transition from underground Soundcloud artist to a bonafide versatile singer/songwriter. Displaying that she can create memorable hooks and leads where she does not have to abandon her original vocal style which make her music unique.

"So lost" seems a little clunky to me being the 4th song on the project it comes in with a smooth opening but then gets drowned with 808s. It's hard to follow this song as the previous 3 songs flowed perfectly into each other. "So lost" has a lot going on making it a battle between Molly's heavy expressive vocals and the beat. I do however like the intro & outro transitions.

"Windows up" the lead single for "Masonic Musik" opens with a bouncy club drum leading into Molly flowing about getting money and living lavishly. This song is very ambient and smooth deserving to be the lead single on her project. Not much singing on this one as she just flows with her rapping on the ambient pop beat. The music video for this song fits perfectly for the spacious and dormant vibe of this song. Being released on August 16th it comes off as a chill end of summer anthem.

Lastly is "Tell me nun" taking to Molly's original underground sound stamping the project, displaying that no matter how versatile she is she'll still come back to her underground rap roots with her flow and instrumental on this song. The lyrics fit superbly as she states "I been getting bigger, tell 'em, "Meet me at the top" & "I know from the outside it look nice, but this shit takes time." Molly is fully self aware that she is knocking at the mainstream music door as she is evolving bigger and better as an artist. The song title "Tell me nun" speaks for itself.

'Masonic Muisk" is a good EP consisting of Pop/Rap hits that solidify who Molly Santana is as an artist. This project is my real first introduction to her being that I heard about 5 to 6 of her previous singles before she was signed. This project though displays her versatility full throttle. Her production team on "Want", "Nothing like this", and "Windows up" did a amazing job drawing up a gleeful head nodding experience that both the average rap and pop music fan can enjoy. I look forward to seeing what is next for Molly Santana as I will now surely go back through her discography to discover what I have been missing. Noticing the turnaround between her debut self titled studio album and "Masonic Musik" was less than 5 months, Molly seems to keep on feeding her fans with new music.

[hostilecityshowdown]

⭐️ for any fic you’re dying to give commentary on :3

◕_◕

this was actually a hard one; i have WIPs and scraps i desperately want to talk about, such as the lowkey undertaker biopic, 'taker kidnapping goldust backfiring, an entire scrapped segment from a diesel/'taker fic, or a horror story starring hunter for mango, but. giving commentary on unpublished fics is a little difficult without publishing the fic. instead... we'll review one of my favourite character pieces: waiting for tonight every day of the week (titled "DIAMOND NIGHT" in my internal documents)

let's start with the titles.

DIAMOND NIGHT, the working title, is directly pulled from VOWWOW's song of the same name. VOWWOW/BOW WOW is diesel's second favourite band, depeche mode being the first, and i really wanted to use this title at publication. the song itself just didn't fit this portion of diesel's life, and there are lyrics from it i do want to draw inspiration from elsewhere, namely:

バックミラーに ghost of you

声すら嗄れはてて かき消される high way

(roughly translated to "ghost of you in the rearview mirror/even my voice becomes hoarse, drowned out on the high way." lyrocs source)

instead, i used lyrics from DONCHA WANNA CUM/Hangar 15, which is off their album "III" and written by the beloved genki hitomi - as evidenced by the song being entirely in english and having a more western pop rock sound than when kyoji yamamoto was the lead vocalist. (side note: rei atsumi is underrated and he's never done a single bad thing with a keyboard.)

stay close tonight (click link, go to 26:36) was also nearly chosen for title inspiration, given that i had this concert on repeat for half the writing process. i could actually write an entire post about VOWWOW and diesel's love for them but we're not here for that!!!!

while this fic is included in the Heartbreak Hotel AU universe, it is exclusively canon to my diesel muse and has no intended bearing over mango's telling of their own story, and takes place many years prior to the events of the HHAU. this made writing this piece fun; i had the opportunity to increase the depth of my muse without extensively plotting with mango.

i like the idea of going scene by scene with a few cuts. the fic opens here:

The boat rocked underfoot as Dallas throttled up to full speed the moment they cleared the marina's last NO WAKE sign. Up in the bow seating, the Diamond Dolls shouted at him for the sudden acceleration, two of them sliding right out of their plush seats and onto the pink mahogany hull. The Grand Craft had been modified heavily from its original design, practically rebuilt, and outfitted in chrome, white, and baby doll pink to match the Cadillac. It screamed Diamond Dallas Page, right down to the way the stern bench seating was upholstered with genuine leather - Something Dallas upkept meticulously.

dallas coming in hot as usual. i grew up on boats and love writing about them, the water, and everything in between, and i had a difficult time focusing on the actual story when all i wanted to do was ramble about the setting. my uncle moved down to clearwater many years ago and has traveled all over the world, and i actually did "consult" with him regarding swanky, popular boat manufacturers in the '80s-90s down in florida. "consulting" being saying "hey, chris, what were the most bougie boats you'd see down there back when you were in miami?" followed by an answer that was probably three hours long. i love my uncle and his undiagnosed ADHD very much. we meet our protagonists:

Tan body glistening in the beautiful Florida sunset, the Diamond Studd lounged against that leather, head tossed back and limbs spread wide. Across from him on the mid-deck couch, Vinnie Vegas squinted through his sunglasses and internally mourned his wind tossed hairdo. […] Vegas had only bounced for Dallas for about three months before he was brought into the Diamond Exchange's fold, and these excursions were one of the many benefits. He kept feeling self conscious about the injury scars marring his leg, hyper-aware of his body at all times, trying to mimic Dallas and Studd's body languages; he hadn't spent a hell of a lot of time on beaches in Michigan, admittedly. Too busy on the assembly line or the basketball court.

i wanted to paint a picture of the outsiders that no one is used to seeing. the diamond studd, comfortable in his own body, relaxed contrasted against vinnie vegas, tense, self conscious, frustrated with inconsequential impacts on his appearance - irritated by the lack of control, enough so that he can hardly enjoy something he loves in theory and would love in practice if he could fret less. he's trying to mimick ease instead of trying to be at ease; mine and mango's diesel muse is also autistic, and i try to be mindful when writing scenes like this. i do not think this is funny or cute, and i want to express to the reader that diesel is negatively impacted by his neurodivergencies and physical disabilities, including his leg injury. to cap out this section, vinnie invents his own excuse for rarely hitting the beach: work. he loves the water, doesn't mind the cold, and his knees greatly benefit from swimming... but, having not medically transitioned before this point and standing out for being an absurdly tall beanpole (and clocked as some flavour of Gay™ by peers), he was rarely comfortable enough to go. again: something that improves his quality of life, barred from him.

Behind Studd, the luxury vessel's wake frothed like two great, white wings folded behind him. He would've looked like he was diving down from the heavens if he wasn't so relaxed, chest bouncing each time Dallas rode someone else's wake to make the girls scream. The wind caught his laughter and threw it to Vegas as it whipped by, and he tried to prop his forearms across his thighs and sit forward comfortably while squaring his shoulders. It was hard to lean back when traveling backwards at nearly forty miles an hour.

this is so self indulgent, man. my dedushka used to throttle up to full speed whenever he could, and i always imagined the white water wake as a pack of wolves chasing the boat, trying to play with it. i'd lean over the stern, right next to the engine, and let the high-pressure water beat the shit out of my hand, imagining that i was playing with the wolves as they leapt up from the wake, trying to catch up to the rotors. i was going to write something like this into diesel's internal narration, but he's too tense in this fic to let his imagination wander.

vegas is also ogling the studd's body, especially his (perisex, cis) chest. to him, this is the pinnacle of manhood. everything he wants to be, everything he's trying to be, and it deifies studd. studd's also sitting at the stern near the transom, whereas vegas is seated across from him with his back to the cockpit. they're both going in the same direction at the same speed, but vinnie's doing it in reverse. his path forward has more unknowns and more unseen obstacles, and he feels uncertain, ill-prepared, and nervous, but he is genuinely content to allow dallas to guide him onwards. he doesn't have to look over his shoulder to know dallas is navigating them safely through open water.

Plus, soreness was starting to creep across his chest, the adhesive tacking the silicone sheeting over his scarring starting to itch from sweat. He rubbed his hands together and dug his left thumb into his right palm, smoothing in circles through his gloves. He was still getting the hang of cutting the medical grade squares into sheets and applying them with what was basically bandaid glue, but it did the job: Kept the scarring down, kept the sun off. He just hoped his chest would look like his partners' by the end of this, he was starting to get twitchy about the muscle mass he lost during the first few months of healing. Four more months, and he'd have spent a year in Florida. Four more weeks, and he'd be back under the knife. It was giving him anxiety. Panic attacks. Just thinking about it was making him sick and it definitely wasn't from Dallas's careless handling of the banjo-style wheel, and he still had to fly back home tomorrow and see his mom and-

surprise! dallas funded his top surgery recently! TRANS RIGHTS!! i think this element speaks for itself and helps contextualise his mood, here, and it's followed up by some more dysphoria, and a direct confirmation that vinnie trusts dallas. even when his thoughts are beginning to race and anxiety starts manifesting physiologically, his faith in dallas never waivers, and he affirms that to himself as a self-calming technique.

"Hey." Vegas jumped. His eyes came back into focus on Studd's package, no surprise, but when Vegas lifted his eyes to his face, the Studd wasn't looking at him. He cupped a hand around his mouth and raised his voice. "Hey! Yo! Dallas!"

Vegas turned around to look at their captain as well, slapping the utility box behind him a few times for good measure. Dallas throttled down gently, flashed the now murderous Dolls a winning smile, and turned round to drape an arm over the back of his seat. His hair had mostly escaped from its pilfered scrunchy, definitely Tori's, and started framing his face in dirty blond corkscrews. That smile was worth a million bucks. "What's up, baby? Want the radio turned up? Not likin' the view?"

"No way, man," Studd snorted, voice lowering back to its regular volume. His slow drawl was surprisingly soft spoken, and he waved a hand to shoo away Dallas's concerns. "Get your lead foot off the gas, Diamond. I wanna enjoy the salt water spray, not get power washed. And yeah, why don't you turn it up? Gimme something that bumps."

"Anything for you, guy," Dallas saluted and cranked one of many knobs on his instrument panel. At the twangy sting of Slinky's opening notes, Studd met Vinnie's gaze and rolled his eyes.

"That Dallas, right, brother? I like Link Wray too, but that ain't bumping. You mind?" His many rings glittered like the sun on the sea as he wiggled the fingers of one hand at Vegas then motioned for him to get up. Vegas raised an eyebrow but still stood, taking a moment to steady himself before rounding the mid-deck seating and marching right up to the cockpit. Dallas had already vacated after dropping anchor, sitting between Lee Ann and Kimberly and trying to placate them before they decided to throw him overboard. It didn't look like it was working. Leaving Dallas to his small army of mutineers, Vegas cranked the station dial right to WCMQ-FM and looked back towards the stern as the first chorus of Sandunguera threatened to blow out the speakers. Studd dropping his neck back onto the plush headrest was the best indication Vegas got that his job was done.

*clutching my arm rests* i fucking love studd and dallas's dynamic i'm going to gnaw on sheet metal. /j i'm not even editing this part down, mainly because i think we all deserve to watch dallas be eaten alive. back on track, we come into focus on one of the studd's many assets. some narrative foreshadowing for vinnie's upcoming surgeries, more dysphoria, and an example of the ease with which razor identifies, disrupts, and attempts to alter vinnie's disordered thinking. my uncle used to operate a bar on long island in new york and would ask me to burn CDs for specific crowds. slinky and sandunguera were both requested by him on different CDs, and sandunguera was a hit amongst cuban americans. WCMQ-FM/Z 92.3 is a fort lauderdale/miami station run by the spanish broadcasting system. this is one of the ways i express the setting without bluntly writing it down. onwards:

"Vin! Baby! The bar's right behind you." His boss waved at him nonchalantly from the den of vipers. Yeah, good luck with that, pal.

"Not enough limes in the world to save you, boss," he mimed throwing a hand of cards at Dallas. To his credit, the blond threw his head back and laughed, his wife elbowing him in the ribs. All passengers aboard knew the Studd would start bartending when the time was right. Head shaking, Vegas sauntered back to his seat and ignored the sun glinting off Studd's teeth.

i love u vinnie vegas and diamond dallas. i love u kimberly. not much to say about this beyond the way dallas has created an environment where the studd is in a position of control regarding alcohol, where he'll never be offered a drink or obligated to witness other people drinking unless he initiates it. he's the house dealer here, not dallas, not kimmy, not the dolls, not vinnie. it helps him be responsible and self-moderate, and razor responds positively to situations where he has the opportunity to look out for other people. keeping alcohol consumption reasonable is a group effort, here, not something razor has to undertake alone.

"No seats left with the Dolls, Vegas?" He teased, oozing over the bench seats more, seemingly never running out of ways to increase his size. Vegas winced, crossed his legs, crossed them the other way, tried to fix his hair, put his feet flat back on the deck. Surgery was still on his mind and he shook his head, sitting back with a deep exhale. He had to reposition his arms when he ran his hands through his hair, the pull deep in his still-numb pecs uncomfortable more than painful. At least he was starting to regain sensation here and there, but it was the scars on his pelvis that seemed to have had their nerves permanently severed. The waistband of his garish board shorts chafed them but he hardly noticed.

"Fit my fat ass up there? No way. Poke somebody's eye out with my knees. Nah." The response was deflecting and, as the jazzy sounds of Las Van Van faded into the Cubano radio host's voice, Studd lifted his head and pierced Vegas with a stern stare. He felt like one of those preserved butterflies on display - Or maybe something a little less pretty, like a beetle, or without so much armour, like-

SURPRISE AGAIN! vinnie had top surgery AND a hysterectomy (as well as vaginectomy)! TRANS RIGHTS. vinnie has more than just gender dysphoria and also struggles with body dysmorphia, something that's excessively common amongst athletes. this applies not only to his injuries, but to his own perceived size, and the studd being so much broader than him is difficult for him to deal with occasionally, despite the height difference. he's dysmorphic about the fat content on his body, especially as it begins to redistribute now that he has access to HRT intended testosterone. even thinking of himself as a bug under scrutiny falls victim to compulsive heteronormativity and dysmorphia simultaneously, where a butterfly is too effeminate for comfort, yet a beetle is much too masculine to be achievable.

"White Diamond for your thoughts, chico?" That deep, smooth voice was suddenly beside Vegas, the storage unit behind him popped open. He was so caught up in his own thoughts he only belatedly processed his stablemate stand and cross the distance between them in one massive stride. His meaty, powerful thighs were right next to the Las Vegas transplant's face, and he wanted to take a bite of that sun kissed skin. […] most other boaters passing them with a wide berth. Probably didn't want to have to offer such a big group their blow, some real Southern hospitality.

Swaying with the waves like the ocean was his second home, Studd whipped up the cocktail in under a minute, straining it into one of the crystalline glasses Dallas stocked his mini bar with. Everything was dropped back into the cooler seemingly unceremoniously, the table folded back into the box, and the lid slammed shut. He was expertly juggling two cocktails in one hand and a cigar box of honeyed cherries in the other, dropping down beside Vinnie heavily.

studd initiating the alcohol consumption on his own terms, from the timing to the drinks mixed, and he mixes them himself, decides who gets what when, and when everything gets packed back up. as mentioned in another post, i don't project scott hall's real world alcoholism onto his fictional characters, but do embrace a narrative depicting substance dependency and the struggle against becoming addicted.

vinnie's dysmorphia continues at full speed, accompanied by the "i want to be him" thoughts' best friend: "i want him." i'm cutting out most of the intimate portions because they're self explanatory and the fic can speak for itself. this entire section depicts the amount of trust vinnie has in razor as well as the power dynamic between the two of them this early in their relationship, and i recommend reading the fic if you've come this far into the director's cut but have yet to do so.

also: wealthy boaters in florida avoiding the garish, bougie boat full of gruff men and attractive women because they don't want to share That much cocaine was, allegedly, an actual phenomena. fascinating.

[…] [The Diamond Studd] tasted like salt, expensive cigars, and hot vinyl[…]

hi slater i painstakingly created this flavour profile to appeal to you, specifically. if i could send you a tea that tastes like this i would [+a little gunpowder tea in the mix. BANG!]

He wanted to shove the Studd down and ride him to death, but that was usually what people thought of him. Sunglasses starting to slide down his nose, Vegas licked his lips, barely able to meet the brunette's eyes. His brown hair looked like a dark halo, and Vegas was acutely aware of how much of a mess his own hair had to look. It'd been a long time since he let his hair grow out this much and he was having trouble taming it, but, hey, he wouldn't mind if the Studd was fucking with it, although Vegas would prefer to be twisting his hair around his fist while he screwed him into the sand-

we return to desireville for a brief moment to bring you: vinnie's thoughts course correcting from the indoctrinated, heteronormative "you are girl and PiV/submissive intercourse is what you want" to "i'm Me and i want to dominate this man within an inch of his life."

as a disclaimer: people, whether they be intersex, cis, trans, what have you, are welcome and encouraged to want and pursue whatever kind of sex they want, including not having sex at all. my narrative does not imply that trans men who bottom are inherently subverting or invalidating their gender, nor being heteronormative. for vinnie, being dominant and topping a man, explicitly, are things that have been gatekept from him due to his AGAB, genitalia, and own body image and confidence issues.

Embarrassment suddenly caught up with Vinnie. He felt like he had heat stroke. The song on the radio was loud and quiet at the same time, the surf mocking him, just like the ladies and Dallas all laughing-

"Hey," the hand left his chin and slapped his cheek gently. […]

this, and the rest of this paragraph, depict the studd identifying and disrupting vinnie's anxiety. it was really important to me to depict a young diesel struggling with his OCD and dysmorphia, and the invasive, disordered thinking, and anxiety that come with it. the next section contains a depiction of internalised transphobia, which i will be discussing, as a warning.

"Uh," he stuttered, cleared his throat, tried to get the octave of his voice back down to where it should be. "Uhuh. Yeah. Look- […] -I'm nervous, okay? Mom and I are good, but people back home are going to recognise me, and they're going to remember me as the wannabe-transsexual beanpole who used her Rez card to strong arm the school district."

He hadn't even realised the pronoun slip until it was too late and he cringed, hoping none of the girls heard. The last thing he needed right now was another one of Dallas's Queens trying to be his life coach, and any of the Dolls present were liable to snitch. […] "I just- I don't feel like I'm playing with a full deck here, you know? The odds are stacked against me. And, whatever happens, I still gotta psych myself back up for the cut again. You know how scary that is, Ramon? Five surgeries in two years, if you include rebuilding my leg, and now they're going in and fucking it up even more-"

vinnie and his mother maintain a very close, positive relationship all throughout her life, and none of his career choices, identity, or presentation ever threaten that. he always sends money home, always takes care of her, and invites her to participate in his life whenever possible. the rest of his community in michigan, though... he isn't as comfortable with. he was always awkward and disconnected from other natives having not grown up in the culture, his ojibwe father having passed away young. he went to tennessee, kentucky, and germany for basketball and college, went into long haul trucking, and always explored the leather and gay communities outside of detroit, not wanting to risk making his mother's life harder. he was still entitled to certain rights and accommodations as someone holding tribal registry, including telling white lies to play on the boys' baskbetball teams due to the lack of girls' ones.

he's more concerned with one of the dolls overhearing than he is concerned about engaging in self deprication, however; dallas employs drag queens as cosmotologists, stylists, consultants, whatever need be, and they generally treat vinnie like he's their little pup in need of some training and guidance. he also hires trans and intersex people for various positions, and i have notes for writing in his club's intersex transfem bartender in the future >;3c

on a more serious note: vinnie has a healthy degree of respect and fear for major surgery, and is already planning to undergo yet another massive procedure while still recovering from his most recent ones. he's has extensive repairs on his injured leg with mixed outcomes, in part due to the initial emergency surgery being less than ideal. i've had numerous major surgeries myself, and have more in my future. each one is harder than the last, and most of them occuring within a span of only nine years. recovery feels like you've been shoved back to square one every. single. time, and you fight and claw and work your way back to something better... knowing, as soon as you do, your surgeon's going to ask you to schedule the next surgery.

vinnie is disabled. his leg injuries disable him, insufficient medical intervention disables him, ongoing treatment disable him. both of his legs experience chronic pain, inflammation, and recurrant injuries, and he's a massive, heavy, athletic man - it takes a toll. now, he's preparing to undergo mixed method phalloplasty, which will demand that grafts be taken from his thighs and mons pubis region. he isn't eligible for full MLD but doesn't want to undergo RFF nor methods grafting from the torso due to visible scarring and potential loss of hand dexterity. as a disabled person: it is scary, putting your body through major surgery that will further complicate your quality of life, potentially forever in the rare event a severe complication arises.

"Whoa, whoa, okay," the Studd cut him off […] Hand carefully avoiding the scars, he cupped his still impressive pec and massaged it tenderly. […] "You're a powerful, sexy, perfect man, you hear me? Anybody got a problem with you, you call me, Vegas. Tch. […] I'll Diamond Drop 'em. Drop 'em like the ugly, desperate, jealous little flies they are."

Unable to fight the laugh that seized him, Vegas squeezed the Studd's thigh and shook his head. "Who booked you a flight, handsome?"

welcome to gender affirmation city, baby!! he loves vinnie. so much he's going to detroit with him whether he knows it or not. horniness incoming:

Eyebrows shooting up, Studd stole Vinnie's drink in a clatter of gold and diamonds, polishing it off and swiping an ice cube to crunch into bits. His mouth was so hot it melted almost instantly. Vegas wanted his tongue to melt in the Studd's mouth like that and, post-op, his cock-

when the . when tbe gender affirming surgery... affirm ur gender. i'm again cutting some softcore porn below because it is self explanatory, and if you want to read vinnie's bisexual thoughts and dallas being jumped by women you'll have to click the link up top

"Daddy-o, baby, who else? You think he'd risk losin' you to the 313?" This was news to Vinnie. […] Studd didn't seem as interested, both his hands falling to Vinnie's tight waist, thumbs tracing the lines of the four pack he was slowly working on. "Besides, I never gamble with sentiment. You're all mine, Vegas."

nicknames for dallas include "dally" and "daddy-o/daddio" and i love that for him. "the 313" refers to detroit's area code when dialing a detroit phone number, and this turn of phrase is commonly used to refer to specific regions. this area code is actually a sister code to NYC's 212, LA's 213, and chicago's 312. at the time, almost all phones used rotary dialing, and the easiest codes to dial were reserved for regions with the highest telephone density in the US.

and possessiveness and intimacy, because they help vinnie feel less dysphoric and dysmorphic, razor flat out thinks he's hot, and he's extremely attached to his best friend and loathes the idea of him going at something so serious and intimidating alone. after some fumbling:

[The Studd] was sliding into him, pulling him, fitting their bodies together seamlessly. If anything, they fit even better now than before, and Vegas had no where to put his hands but in Studd's hair, the stubble on his jaw, the twin earring to Dallas's dangling from his ear. […] His breath was heavy in [Vinnie's] ear, voice a deafeningly quiet earthquake. "I gotta give you a sexier name before I show you off on hometown turf, boy."

vin's finally able to enjoy his body a little bit, to like the way it feels when another person touches him. post-op, he doesn't have to feel uncomfortable about his chest touching someone else's. post-op, he doesn't have to feel as uncomfortable and scared when his groin and genitals are interacted with, even if there's more work to be done. razor's someone he's been deeply intimate with pre-op, and is the only person thus far that he can compare pre- and post-op physicality with. this is hugely affirming for vinnie.

and my favourite thing about my razor muse overall: he named him diesel, and that's the name the gambler formerly known as vinnie vegas took for the rest of his life.

IT IS DONE. thank you my beloved friend for allowing me to take you on this wild ride into the inner workings of my mind

[luxnebula]

I thought I should listen to Voyager's whole discography in chronological order and see how their sound has developed through their career because their older albums sound almost nothing alike their sound today. So here's my review/things that I noticed/general thoughts about their debut album, Element V from 2003.

When I was first getting into Voyager, I remember that I was hesitant to listen to their early stuff because I know that most bands and artists' early years are... usually very rough. My first impression of Voyager's old stuff did confirm this opinion. I think that early Voyager is very generic heavy metal with very little that sets it apart from everyone else. Not to mention that the mixing on some of the songs on this album is rough and the vocals seem to drown in the instrumentals a little.

However, there are good songs in here! I like the opening track, Sic Transit Gloria Mundi and the baroque-esque (?? is that a word?) hapsichord sound in it. I like how it transitions to the next song and the synths immediately after. It's such a different sound and almost whiplash-y, but it does foreshadow Voyager's evolution and chameleon-like nature. Voyager has refused to stay in a single box since day one. I love that. There's also a general medieval-ish or baroque-esque sound and lyrics for the album that invokes images of knights and high fantasy in my head that took me by surprise when I first listened to this album. It's so different from modern Voyager! It's fascinating that we got from this to the more modern synth sound in Fearless in Love.

One thing that stands out to me is that Daniel's vocals are sometimes growled, when he doesn't growl in the later albums at all. Fascinating!

Overall, Element V is not to my tastes, but I can appreciate it. There are three songs that are on my Voyager faves playlist, but the rest of the album I don't much care for. I feel bad for saying that, seeing how much I love this band lol. But then again, I know for a fact that the more I enjoy their music just increases with the evolution of their sound. I already look forward to this experiment. (Didn't say "voyage", HAH.)

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: An Earl to Remember by Stacy Reid

4.5/5. Releases 8/22/2023.

For when you're vibing with... the 80s bonkers classic Overboard!, amnesia with a dash of the hero almost drowning, very hilarious confused rich man antics, and some.... really active sex for a man who just had a severe head injury.

Georgianna Heyford has heard tell of the Earl of Stannis's rakish behavior; but she can't afford give up the chance to cater his expensive yacht party. Unfortunately, a run-in with the earl (otherwise known as Daniel) goes horribly awry, and she's quickly fired... only for the earl to end up overboard, washed ashore, and with amnesia shortly afterward. The only person he recognizes is Georgianna; he just doesn't know how he knows her. In order to avoid a scandal (and perhaps get some sweet revenge) Georgianna claims the mysterious man is her husband... But the more time she spends with Daniel, the more she begins to wish it wasn't all a lie.

Stacy Reid knows how to write a fun, kinda bonkers, super sexy book--she throws caution to the wind and writes what she wants. I can feel the joy in the pages.

Quick Takes:

--I love Overboard!, a movie that is somewhat controversial today due to the premise being "Kurt Russell tells rich bitch amnesiac Goldie Hawn that she's actually his wife and makes her act as a servant to him and his horrible redneck children". I hate the Overboard! gender-flipped remake for many reasons, in part because it doesn't go far enough. This book is a nice middle ground. The gender flip is right here, and Reid wrings it out for all the humor it's worth, because it's honestly fun to see a fancy fuckboy look aghast at this woman's hovel and go "there is no.... way... I live.... here". (Daniel, I'm a huge fan of your work.) The power divide is also a lot stronger in this setting, because, while Georgianna is a gentleman's daughter, she's not doing super well financially and is basically a single woman acting as a guardian to these younger girls in the 1800s, a time in which she has little power and little way to make a living. Which in turn makes Daniel's comeuppance more deserving. It all makes sense, even if the premise is objectively wacky.

--I also really liked how this man had to like? Learn how to do basic household chores? Learn how to DAD in a sense? If there's one thing I enjoy in a historical romance, it's a rake who knows how to fuck but doesn't super know how to do much else. Daniel is not a competent hero to begin with (though he's not, like, a total buffoon either). He has to learn competence, and though I'm not typically one to get all hot and bothered by a man doing basic housework, in this book............ it does a number on you.

--I think that Stacy Reid is also right to basically put most of the fault on Daniel in this iteration. In the original Overboard!, both parties are at fault. Goldie doesn't pawn Kurt for some labor. Kurt gaslights her into being an unpaid housekeeper/nanny (as a prank! It's meant to be temporary but then he falls in love! It's fine!). Mistakes were made. Here, I think that Georgianna's options being much more limited make the heartache more... intense? Because like, yeah, this man's family is looking for him and he deserves to know the truth and so on. But really, she does not have a lot of solid choices here. So her guilt feels more impactful because while she's fucking up, she's a good person who doesn't want to hurt him, and you can feel her falling in love with him, and you know he's falling in love with her but he just! Doesn't! Know! And that takes you to a good angst city, despite the book being in many ways super fluffy and hilarious.

--I love an emotional fallout moment, and ooh, the emotional fallout in this one is delicious. There's pain. There's vengeance. There's trickery. There's some "I was half a virgin when I met you" feeling to it, which I love immensely. Like, dude, if you're gonna be all "she's not my wife", you probably need to, I don't know, stop calling her your wife. Except don't, because I'm living for it.

The Sex Stuff:

Stacy Reid writes a hot sex scene, especially when it comes to her heroes going down, because. The enthusiasm with which a Stacy Reid hero goes to town is truly something to behold. There's also really good dirty talk in this one, a nice mixture of tenderness and hardcore fucking, and like, the best sense ever that this dude is absolutely obsessed with her. Also, there's an excellent scene where he details exactly how he's going to fuck her, and proceeds to do just that. Gotta appreciate follow through. That's what happens when a man has to do work for the first time ever in his life.

I loved An Earl to Remember. It's fun, it's like candy, it's hot, it's a little crazy. It's what I want a Stacy Reid novel to be.

Thanks to Entangled: Amara and Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Nine

Previously

your reviewer digresses into why this book isn't good (beyond the absolute drowning sadness and every single human who failed EP from start to finish)

I am not on the New York Times bestseller list (or am I? you don't know)

EP plays a horrifically abused young woman in a film and it affects her deeply, leading to furthering her eating disorder

we learned about a handful of things that weigh approximately 84 pounds

EP auditions for Juno and gets the part

she becomes sexually involved with Olivia Thirlby

EP loves working on Juno and is happy

Now

Chapter Eleven

EP tells us that she didn't vomit from the age of eleven until the age of twenty-eight

this suitably impresses me, because as a medically interesting individual I have a lot of experience with nausea and vomiting

EP then goes on to tell us that just because she didn't vomit doesn't mean she didn't get sick in other ways

this does not impress me and is gross

EP writes this very insightful passage about gender dysphoria that I actually agree with

the part I blacked out was where she said she kept repeating "I want to be a ten-year-old boy" every time dysphoria swept over her, because I do not agree with that and find it extremely telling and sad

EP segues bizarrely from vomit to diarrhea to... soccer?... and then back to fights with her step-mother and her awful father

and then to a story about going to a cabin and I am once again whiplashed into the corner - didn't this start off with vomiting at the age of 28?

anyway, Canadian stuff:

well, really just beaver stuff, but it happened in Canada so I'm still right:

I want with everything in me to make several beaver jokes but I am a) very tired and b) confused and excited by the comparison of a beaver to the Babadook, so please make your own beaver jokes and meet me in the next dotted point whenever you're ready

EP's father and step-mother continue to be the worst; they call her "Skid Mark"

her father tells her they're just joking around and once again I would like someone to consider the difference between someone joking with you and someone joking about you

once again I would like to offer my own, better, nicer parents to EP

I have extolled my father's many virtues but my mother is also fantastic

EP then shoves us into a passage about Rollerblading

and I have to say that I would also vomit from this much whiplash

the Rollerblading passage takes a wild turn into a Rollerblading accident where EP tears something in her vagina

she is worried for years that something is wrong with her vagina

EP starts thinking about it again when she's dating a boy who she attempts to have sex with; she doesn't like it, so she assumes it's a physical thing rather than a "you're gay" thing

and once again your reviewer is like "Didn't we start out a party on the first page of this chapter where you were vomiting at the age of twenty-eight on the Fourth of July? I am now lost in the hinterlands sending up a flare for aid"

so EP goes to a gynecologist

the gynecologist tells her there is nothing wrong with her vagina

and also that she liked EP's performance in Hard Candy

and we NEVER GO BACK TO THE VOMITING THING

AT ALL

Jesus Christ, EP, what is this writing style because I both hate it and am impressed by it every.single.time

Chapter Twelve

EP is glad that Oscars season is almost over and she is glad

she wants to quit acting

she can't bear wearing "feminine" clothing or going out for super feminine roles

when asked why she can't just do her job as an actor and wear a costume:

as a fellow head-beater and self-injurer, I get it, EP

best to get out of a job that doesn't make you happy and isn't fulfilling your needs

it took me seven years but I eventually did it

I am still unsure why she couldn't figure out how to tell people she just wanted to wear pants

but as someone who took thirteen years to tell her mother she wanted long hair and to stop wearing dresses, maybe I am less unsure and just more of a very specific type of asshole

anyway

EP gets the role in Whip It, the film that convinced me I wanted to try roller derby

she actually learns to play roller derby, which is so cool

(it is the best of sports)

the woman EP was dating previously, Paula, moves out to LA to be her "assistant"

EP starts to get recognized more as Juno and this is hard on her relationship with her "assistant"

there is an amusing bit about how Paula's parents somehow had no idea EP was gay or that their daughter was gay

also EP is upset that "cis" people get lauded for playing trans and "queer" parts

there's a lovely bit here about roller derby:

I joined a roller derby team because I had no friends

the skating part didn't matter, I just wanted friends

(and sure, maybe to be cool like EP, who I had a major crush on)

but I got a whole lot of friends out of the thing and that was very definitely a "pocket of joy" in my life

and yes, there can be a lot of "intertwined queerness" but the majority of my team is still straight (I love them anyway)

I am going to be able to see them all for the first time in 5 months and I am so excited to see my crazy weird skating family

it is a sport that embraces female power

it makes me feel like my body is powerful

and as someone living with dysphoria and body dysmorphia that's huge

anyway

EP loves roller derby and she loves building a roller derby family with her castmates

they go to Michigan to film

fun fact: Michigan has the most roller derby teams than any other state in the US

second fun fact: I used to live there

third fun fact: I know a guy who played an extra in Whip It but I didn't learn that until after we met and that wasn't the reason why we met

fourth fun fact: I miss Michigan a lot

EP and Kristen Wiig make up a musical together that sounds absolutely hysterical

EP realizes stuff is absolutely fucked and goes to therapy

EP, light of my life for whom I would fight all kinds of Canadian step-mothers and shitty fathers, what in the nine heavens is a queer walk?

I mean I can guess the connotation but EP you are a lesbian and a human and speaking as both we all walk differently

so this is some sort of weird stereotype that I really don't care for

and on that note I must adjourn before I fall asleep here at the computer