#Silly S-shaped idea of the two of them holding hands in their respective elements :)

[sysig]

It’s all worth it to be close ♥ (Patreon)

[joyofcrime-elinorhigh]

Samurai Jack Season 5 REVIEW:

  Thirteen years have passed, but the series does not age. It was a modern classic. Yet, the film's setbacks continued...Hope was lost. Got to get back, back to the past. Samurai Jack. Jack Jack...Jack Jack Jack.......Watcha?  Well that was literally the worst intro conceivably possible and I've just lost all of my credibility. Let's do this!

    Hello everybody, my name is JoyofCrimeArt and it's finally time for me to finally talk about the show that everybody in the animation community was talking about...about a month or so ago. (Dang self imposed hiatus.) From the director of "Adam Sandler get's into wacky situations as a vampire for ninety minutes 1 and 2" come the long awaited fifth season of Samurai Jack!  Now before we start this, I feel that it's important for me to talk about my feelings on the first four seasons of the show. the first thing to get out of the way is that I did not watch Samurai Jack much when I was a kid. I started watching the series about a year ago, after I heard that a fifth season was announced. So basically, I have no "nostalgia." for this series. Also I haven't seen every episode of the old series, but I have seen a good handful and from what I've seen, it was pretty awesome. The show has one of the most creative premises for an animated series I've ever seen, and takes full advantage of all the possibilities that it's world presents. The show has a level of artistry that I have not seen from any other animated series except for maybe "Over the Garden Wall." And it has a very memorable cast of characters. (Even if said cast of characters is only about three guys.) The show was sometime truly unique, and there really isn't anything else like it. Except for Genndy's "Star Wars: Clone Wars" series, which is more or less Samurai Jack with a "Star Wars" mod skin over it. The show isn't perfect though, at least in my opinion. Sometimes the pacing can be a bit too slow, and a lot of times episodes are really just one long action scene. This wouldn't be a problem except most of the time it's Jack fighting some generic bounty hunter or monster who was just introduced in the episode, so it's hard to find them that interesting. Unless it's Aku, or a few other stand out villains, most of the foe's that Jack face tend to have really cool powers and designs, but not much personality. But those are small problems in an otherwise great show. .  But how does this sequel season hold up. (And yes, it's a sequel season not a reboot. It's set in the same continuity as the old show so it isn't a reboot, dang it!) A lot of times in the past when a series comes back after being cancelled for a long time, it tends to come back not as good (*COUGH COUGH! FUTURAMA! COUGH! COUGH!*) does Samurai Jack fall into this trap or is it a rare exception to this rule. Let's dive in and find out. Oh, and the first part of this review will be mostly spoiler free, and then I'll have a warning before I get into spoilers. And when I say spoilers, I mean anything major that wasn't revealed in the first official trailer. Just for a heads up.  Samurai Jack season five opens up fifty years after the first four seasons. It's basically the same old story, as Jack travels around helping people from the clutches of Aku and his minions. Only this time it's a more grizzled Jack, who has a beard, wears all black, uses really big guns, and has a motorcycle-HEY, COME BACK! I PROMISE IT'S NOT AS DUMB AS IT SOUNDS! Jack has become tired of all of this. Aku has destroyed all of the time portals, so he has no way to get back to the past. And to make matters worse Jack has lost his sword years ago, which is the only thing that can kill Aku. So Jack has been basically trapped in this limbo for fifty years, with no hope of every truly defeating Aku. (He doesn't age anymore due to a side effect of the time portal.)  Meanwhile, we get introduced to the Cult of Aku. A cult who worships Aku as a God and is for some reason only made up of woman. I guess Aku likes his cult EXTRA THICC! (*Obligatory "Extra Thicc" joke...check!*) The High Priestesses of this cult gives birth the seven daughters, and we see that they are all raised from birth to become the perfect killing machines. And so this team of assassin's known as the "Daughters of Aku" lead by one of the daughter named Ashi (You know she's the leader cause she's the only one who has a name.) head out to find Samurai Jack and destroy him once and for all.  So in case you couldn't tell, this season is MUCH darker than the past seasons of this show. But it manages to be dark without coming off as needlessly edgy, which is a really impressive feat. In fact Samurai Jack may be one of few "darker and grittier" continuations of ANY franchise actually works to the series advantage. It's not infallible, as there are a lot of scenes that do feel like there just being needlessly bloody and violent just because they can now, but for the most part the darker tone works to the series advantage. Serious issues are tackled, and they treat them seriously. Jack is driven by guilt over not being able to save people from Aku, and this guilt haunts him, both in the form of visions from his "past self" who is very reminiscent of Mad Jack from the old series, but also in the form of a ghostly horseman who wants to claim Jack and make him fall into despair.

 The series tackles themes of depression, PTSD, child abuse, suicide, and weather or not it's okay to kill in self defense, and it doesn't sugar coat it either. So many adult shows just use raunchy humor and violence for a quick joke. And there's nothing necessarily, I like a lot of adult cartoons, but it is great to see an adult cartoon actually tackle adult issues with this level or respect and seriousness. So many adult cartoons just have characters kill people just cause' but this series actually poses questions about weather it's right or wrong, and makes it clear there's not always an easy answer. I have a lot of respect for this season for tackling these issues, and for doing it in a way that feels natural. This series really plays up all the implications that the first for series posed when it comes to the world that Jack lives in. Innocent people do die, and Aku and his bounty hunters do kill people. And the fact that Jack's been seeing this destruction and carnage for fifty years, and is powerless to truly stop it, it makes sense that he's beginning to lose sight between right and wrong. It makes sense that's he's getting PTSD visions in the middle of fights. And it makes sense that he's contemplating suicide. He can't die of old age, and no robot or bounty hunter is able to kill him. He feels like he's going to be wandering this world forever, and you quickly see why he wouldn't want that. It's really well done, and I give the series a lot of props for tackling these issues. In fact this type of stuff is probably my favorite element of this season.  The show also still looks amazing. The designs and creativity are still very much there, and in some respects are even better than the old show. There are some scenes like the temple battle in episode two that honestly feel down right cinematic. The show still has it's quite, atmospheric moments, but the show also has a much brisker pace, due to actually having a continuous narrative. I like the brisker pace of the season...for the most part, but I'll get to that later. The action is still amazingly well done, and it's great to see an action show that is actually successful both critically and in terms of popularity. It's been so long since we had that. It's also neat to see an american action show that is target strictly for adults. We so rarely see that, and I'm glad that this was successful, and hopefully this seasons success could lead to more action adult animation in the future.  Honestly, this is how a sequel series or a reboot should be done in my opinion. It captures the essence of the original, but does add enough new elements to make it unique. It would of been so easy to not make the series any darker, and just make it a bunch of standalone episodes, and then maybe do a two part finale wrapping everything up. But I like how it took a risk, and it clearly worked out for them.  But yeah, onto the flaws, I...  HEY! You're not allowed to have criticisms of this! This is Genndy Tartakovsky we're talking about! He can't do any wrong you casual plebe!  Well, I believe that no one is perfect, and that everything has some pros and some cons, okay? I respect Genndy a lot, but even he has his duds. Have you seen his Cartoonsitute pilot "Maruined?" Of course you haven't, because it's awful! And before you say that Samurai Jack is flawless, I present you this scene where the animators forgot to give Jack a beard...

0 out of 10! Needs more beard!!!1!  One thing, I don't really like what this season did with Aku. I kinda get what they were trying to do. They wanted to show the similarities between Jack and Aku, and give them a sort of symbiotic "Batman/Joker" style situation. Both are immortal, but neither of them can be happy until they kill the other and neither can. That is actually a really cool idea, and in theory I think it could really work. But the execution is where it falls a bit flat for me. He's just to silly. And I know he was silly in the old show, but he was also scary and a real threat. He doesn't feel that threatening in this season. The world he created is threatening, but the problem lies in the fact that, while everything else in this season is given a darker tone, it's surprisingly the villain who stays the same. I think this Aku could work for Cartoon Network, but not adult swim. Characters like the High Priestess come across as more intimidating then the God they worship. Aku also seems kinda like a wimp, afraid to fight Jack if Jack has his sword, even though he fought Jack in the old show a ton of times while Jack still had his sword. Because, even with the sword, Aku was still a shape shifting demon God who could kill you with heat vision. But here they all just act like once Jack has the sword he can just walk up to Aku and just kill him. Episode seven and a bit of episode nine are really the only episode where Aku feels like old Aku. I know they want to make him silly because everything else is so heavy, but if Gravity Falls can make a villain be as terrifying and comedic as Bill, then they could of balanced it with Aku.

Oh, check it out. Aku twerking. Interesting how NOBODY CARED WHEN SAMURAI JACK DID IT!  Also, there are point in the season that are incredibly rushed! I know earlier I like the pacing, and I do in terms of actually events in particular scenes and episodes, but when looking at the season as a whole, it's impossible for me to not notice the pacing problems. Event's weren't necessarily rushed, but arcs where. I can't go into the specific problems until I get to spoilers but the pacing is probably my biggest problem with the season. If there is one thing you can say about Samurai Jack is that it NEVER felt rushed. It always took it's time when it came to presenting a scene. That's why so many episodes would start with Jack just slowly walking across a landscape. I can't really go into specific examples without going into spoilers though so...let's get into spoilers. THIS IS THE SPOILER SECTION!  So let's talk about Ashi. I really like the concept of her. An assassin trained from birth worshiping Aku who ends up becoming Jack's sort of sidekick. Ashi and Jack do have a good dynamic going on once Ashi begins her redemption arc. I like how it's not just a student/master relationship, as they both teach each other things. Jack teaches Ashi to let go of her hate, and Ashi teaches Jack to let go of his regret. This stuff I really like, and I think it works really well. The problem I have is that Ashi's whole character arc feels incredibly rushed!  the issue stems from just how devoted Ashi was to her cause at the start of the season. She literally spends all of episode four trying to kill Jack while inside the sand worms stomach, and makes it very clear that she is willing to kill herself as well as long as she makes sure the samurai dies with her. She is completely unphased about her sisters being killed, because her life and the concept of life in general hold such little value to her. But then she just see's Jack not kill a ladybug and suddenly, Bam. She no longer wants to kill him. MIRACULOUS! And yeah, I know Jack tells her that everything she knows is wrong, and she wants to know why, but if she's this brainwashed then why does it work so quickly. She's known Jack for like a day, and has spent at least eighteen years being told to never trust him. I know she see's him sparing the ladybug, but she also saw Jack sparing her life countless times, and that didn't effect her. It was only when he saved the ladybug when she decided to not kill him.  And speaking of rushed, oh boy oh boy, let's talk about episode eight. Let me get this out of the way, I can see a scenario where "Jashi" as others have called it COULD work. The two have very good dynamic together. Yes, it is a little weird cause Jack is literally old enough to be her grandfather, and he is also the only man she's ever had any form of serious interaction with, and it could be seen as a bit of taking advantage of her, but I can let that go on the grounds of it just being a cartoon. I'm not totally closing the door on the possibility of a relationship. The issue is that nothing in the previous episodes seems to imply that there relationship was like that. And then in episode eight were just suppose to buy it. And I don't. This relationship needed more then just one episode to establish itself. Still though, Jack being hilariously awkward almost made up for it.

Jack: So Ashi, did either of our parents explain to us how sex works? Ashi: Nope. Jack: Damn it.  And there are even more examples of times where the pacing seems to be a bit rushed, but those are the two main ones. Honestly, I don't know why the pacing is like this. Part of me feels like maybe the series could of been better if it had a few more episodes to flesh out all of the ideas, like maybe thirteen instead of ten, but even then I'm not so sure. Cause there are a lot of moments in this season that, while usually cool, aren't exactly needed for the plot. Like Scaramouche's whole subplot in episode six. All that is needed plot wise is that he reboots, sets out to go tell Aku about Jack losing his sword, and that's it. We don't need to see him come up with all those schemes to board the boat, our minds would naturally just fill in the blanks on how he got there. Then we could have more time on Jack contemplating suicide. Yes, we would of missed Tom Kenny saying the word "penis" which would obviously be a tragedy, but from a purely plot perspective, we didn't need it.  Or Ashi's whole battle with the orc army in episode seven. We don't need that. All we needed was Ashi to fight her mother. It's not like the orc army really accomplished anything. Heck, honestly did we even need Ashi to fight her mother. I mean I guess it was to give her arc a sense of closure, but she had already denounced Aku and, now knowing the ending of the series, it's not like the priestess was going to survive anyway. Then we could of had more time with Jack on his spiritual quest, instead of him just making tea with Buddha, and just laser zapping Old Jack.  And then there was that one episode in the middle of the season, where Jack and Ashi weren't even in it at all, and the whole episode followed around some old guy in a lab coat ranting about McDonald Schezwan Sauce! I have no idea what THAT was about!

Look, I'm not saying that Genndy Tartakovsky jerks off to Ashi being shown in immense pain but...No, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'm not kink shaming, I'm just sayin'.  Speaking of which, I wanna talk about something in episode six that really bugs me. I find the reason Jack loses his sword to be kinda stupid. Or at the very least, flawed within the logic of the show. In this episode, Aku turns a couple of baby goats into giant monsters and has them attack Jack. Jack, angry about the loss of the last time portal, ends up giving into his anger and kills the baby goats. This is treated as a bad thing, as the Gods make Jack lose his sword because of this. But what was Jack suppose to do?! Let the goats kill him, even though Jack is the only one who has a chance of stopping Aku? There was no way to reverse the effects of Aku's curse. And this wouldn't bother me to much, except earlier in the season we got a whole arc about how it is okay to kill in self defense. The Daughters of Aku are a lot like the goats when you think about it. They were turned against there will to kill Jack. The only difference is that the Daughter's of Aku were mind controlled from birth and the goats were mind controlled with magic. How come it's okay to kill Aku's Daughters but not the goats. If anything Aku's Daughters should have more value, not just because there human, but because Ashi proves that they could be turned good. Who's to say that Ashi is the only one who Jack could of shown the light? There really isn't much implying that all seven daughters couldn't have been reasoned with if they went through the same things that Ashi did? The show just seems like it has some conflicting messages on this subject, and for some reason acts like Ashi was the only one of the Daughters of Aku who could ever possibly be redeemed. Also we see Jack eat meat! So he clearly kills animals! But whatever. I know it's kinda a nitpick but when the whole season makes such a big deal about killing and Jack's sword it's hard not to notice the inconsistencies.    So let's talk about the finale. Outside of episode eight this seems to be the thing that fans are the most split about. Some fans think it's great, while others find it to be a bit of a disappointment after thirteen years of build up. Before I get into the finale though, I just want to say that I CALLED ASHI BEING THE LITERAL DAUGHTER OF AKU! (Kinda.) When the series first started I guessed that Ashi would be the literal daughter of Aku. But then when it seemed like they weren't heading that direction I figured, "Eh, I guess I was wrong." But I was right! Ha!

Jack: DAMN IT, AKU! STOP MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH FEMALE VERSIONS OF YOU! FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME!  Anyway, there are definitely a lot of good elements in the finale. The army of past characters coming to Jack's aid, while definitely predictable, was really cool. It really helps fit the theme of Jack's actions having an influence on the world. The fight itself was also cool, and it was great seeing The Scotsman actually reunite with Jack one last time, even if it was a bit brief.  My only main gripes with the finale are that, one.) We never really get a truly epic final battle between Jack and Aku. All we get is a quick curb stomp battle between Jack and Past Aku. We don't get any fight with Jack and future Aku, and it's a bit disappointing since this is literally the only Jake/Aku fight in the whole season, not counting the one in episode six where Aku just runs away. We don't really get a truly epic Jack/Aku on the same level that we got in the old seasons. and two.) I honestly find the ending a bit to happy. I know that sounds weird, considering the fact that it's a bit of a bittersweet ending, but it just felt a bit out of place to me that Jack actually did make it back to the past. The whole season prior really made it seem like it wasn't going to go that way. They seemed to set things up like they were saying "No, Jack can't undo all the horrible things that Aku has done in the past. But that doesn't mean he should give up. He can still defeat Aku now, and free the future from his reign of evil." I mean it kinda makes all the grief he felt in the begining of the season seem less meaningful if he just undoes it. And yes, I know he still had to experience all off that, but still. Also I don't like how it just erased all of the characters who we've come to love over the years. Or are they alive in the future, just a less evil future? I don't know, the show doesn't tell us. It feels really sudden and, again, kinda rushed. I know this ending is kinda controversial, and I don't hate it, but I do find it interesting that a series that fans waited so long for the conclusion to was so unsatisfying to so many people. Like what if other series that have continuations come back and have unsatisfying endings, even if those endings were the ones the creators intended. It'll be interesting to see.  So yeah, I didn't hate the ending by any stretch. I wouldn't even call it bad as much as I would call it off. But then again, maybe after thirteen years we all had the ending sort of worked out in are heads to the point were any ending that didn't match our head cannon would seem a bit off.  There's also some weird fridge logic things to. Like why does Ashi wait till there wedding to stop existing. Did they get married that day? Considering how quickly they feel in love I wouldn't be surprised. Also, did going back in time undoing the whole "immortality" thing or not, it wasn't very clear. What happened when the Emperor dies? Will Jack just be emperor forever. Considering all the crap Jack's been through in the future there's no way ANYTHING in the current timeline would be able to kill him...and he no longer wants to kill himself. Have we just gone full alternate history here? Will Jack live till WWII? Will Japan in this timeline join the allies, as Emperor Jack refuses Hitler's offer to join the Axis due to how much Hitler will remind him of Aku? WILL JACK FIGHT HITLER? CAN HITLER'S "SPEAR OF DESTINY" WORK AGAINST JACKS SWORD? WHO'S MAGIC WOULD BE STRONGER? CAN WE GET A SEASON SIX WERE JACK FIGHTS HITLER? PLEASE adult swim?! PLEASE!? PLEASE!?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct9h_BtUZKI

SPOILERS ARE NOW OVER!  So those are my thoughts on Samurai Jack season five. You might get the impression from all of my complaints that I didn't like the season all that much, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I may be critical, and yes, I do have my problems with the season. But that doesn't make the good stuff in the season any less good. In general I tend to be more critical and nit picky about things I like than things I hate. This is because I expect more from them. Despite it's flaws Samurai Jack season five was still a fun ride from start to finish. The animation is just as, if not more, amazing than it was in the first four seasons. The acting was great, especially Phil Lamar does some really amazing acting as Jack. The darker story line required a lot more emotion behind some of these lines, and he was able to pull them off great, despite how stoic is performance usually is. The action was just as good as ever, and I love the darker road the series took. While I do like a lot of immature adult cartoons it was nice to see one of the only adult shows that actually felt "adult." Sure parts were rushed, the ending was a little wonky, and there are definitely plot holes but as a whole, I think I liked the episodes in this season more than the handful of episodes I've seen of the previous seasons. While that run may have had less plot holes and was less rushed in it's delivery, the stuff in this season is just so good that I can overlook some of the flaws. In the end I'm glad that this story did finally got a proper conclusion, and that the road that we have followed Jack on for last sixteen years has finally come to an end.

So that was my review of Samurai Jack season five. I know I'm a little late to the party on this, but I wanted to make sure that I got it right. What did you think of the review, or the season or series as a whole. Leave your thoughts in the comments down bellow. I'd love to hear what you think, even if you don't agree with me one hundred percent, and start some kind of conversation. Leave a fav, follow, or comment if you liked the review and have a great day.

(I do not own any of the images or videos in this review all credit goes to there original owners.)

https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/Samurai-Jack-Season-Five-REVIEW-687392078 DA Link

[frangipanidownunder]

Cause I like your style, so maybe you can write a story where M&S are working undercover at a Star Trek Con... something silly please *grin*

This is pure fluff fun. I cheated and used Star Wars - my knowledge of Star Trek is limited to an early crush on Captain Kirk (!) and wobbly sets. Anyway, sorry it took so long to get this out. But I hope you enjoy it, kind anon. Tagging @today-in-fic and @fictober

Mulder and Scully and the Third Leia

She stares at herselfin the mirror. Despite her misgivings, she actually feels pretty damned cool.She pulls the jacket off the chair, shrugs it on and heads out to the venue.She knows Mulder is pumped for this assignment. After the Rob and Laura Petrie adventure,he’s been angling for more undercover work. She knows why. He’s the kid who wasforced to go to the dress-up parties in costumes not of his own choosing. Asshe walks through the car park she pictures him as Kirk when he would havepreferred to be the Spock, as Superman when he would have preferred The Spirit,as white spangly Elvis when he would have preferred the black leather version.Pushing through the crowds, she thought about black leather a little longer.And then she saw him.

           The convention manager flexed hisknuckles and explained once again how this was an inconvenience. “My people payhuge money for photos with their heroes. They stand in line for hours forautographs. They buy tee-shirts…”

           “At incredible mark-ups and sleep inthem for a year without washing them,” Mulder grins and walks to the window.“Believe me, I know. I have a stack of early Doctor Who memorabilia…”

           “Anyhow, Mr Melis,” Scully cuts in, “wereally do need to surveil the full expo hall and the best way to do that is toblend in.” She eyes Mulder as he checks out his own reflection in the glass.

           Melis raises his eyebrows at her andtuts. “We have our biggest star due to arrive. I have to head out back.”

           “Biggest star?” Scully asks, as themanager hangs an ID badge around his neck and slips a plastic weapon into hisholster.

           Mulder stands by her side. “WilliamHootkins, Scully. Didn’t you read the press? Is that the E-11 blaster or theDC-15A?” He points to the weapon and Melis pulls it back out.

           “William who?”

           Swinging round, blaster in hand,Mulder sighs. “Hootkins. He played Jek Porkins, in A New Hope. And Major Eaton in Raidersof the Lost Ark. I’m going to get him to sign my rebel pilot overalls.”

           “You brought overalls?” Scully asks,letting her exasperation out in a delicious crick of her neck. Mulder looks ather and his lips quirk into that ‘why are you even asking me’ smile. “Of courseyou did.”

The convention isheaving with Wookiees, droids, Stormtroopers, Ewoks and yetis that Mulder tellsher are Wampas. There are Lukes, Hans, Darths, Landos and Leias. Mulder seemsparticularly taken with a trio of gold bikini-clad versions who walk past andshimmy at him. He turns to her, smirking.

“Don’t say it,” she lays a hand on his arm. “Rebel Alliance Leader LeiaOrgana is more my style.” She taps her padded white jacket and lets him sigh.

“I could have dressed as Jabba the Hutt and kept you on a chain, Scully.”

“And I would have taken great pleasure in garrotting you, Mulder.”

His eyes widen and his smile is insufferable. She walks off.

The Bureau was on thetail of Rita Barilla, wanted for theft, deception and credit card fraud. Her MOwas to advertise her ‘services’ which included an eye-opening, and sometimes eye-watering,variety of unusual role-play scenarios and then make off with the goods beforethe act was finished. She would often meet her clients – always powerful businessmenwho would find it difficult to go public - at fan expos, dressed as Leia. WhenSkinner suggested they attend this small town convention where the Bureau hadarranged a sting, she’d automatically said no. Mulder let her talk for a while,outlining all the – very valid – reasons why it was a bad idea. Skinner satwith his customary two fingers pressed against his mouth and remained silent.When she’d finished, she sat back against the chair and held her chin up.

           “Scully, the only way we’re going tostop this woman from embezzling any further funding from the vulnerable in oursociety is to go where she goes. Do as she does.”

           “I hardly think that wealthybusiness men who enjoy dressing up as science fiction characters during sexplay are the vulnerable in our society,” she said. “They pay a ridiculousamount of money to be whipped with light sabers or handcuffed to giant furrycreatures.”

           “Wookiees, Scully. They’re calledWookiees. And these men are unable to speak out about the crimes that have beencommitted against them because of their position in society. You may not seethem as vulnerable, but believe me, they are in a delicate position.”

           She opened the casefile. “Well, yougot that bit right. This one, a high court judge, was released after sevenhours tied face down across a replica of the Death Star. He was naked exceptfor a Darth Vader mask, complete with voice changer, so that when he was foundthe paramedics thought he was being asphyxiated.” She looked at Skinner. “Delicate.”

           The AD took off his glasses andrubbed his face. “Agents, you are the only ones with the undercover experienceto pull off this assignment.”

           “Sir, with all due respect, thereare many other agents with the same, if not more experience. And this isn’t anX-File.”

           “Agent Scully, there are elements tothis case that are unusual. The setting affords you and Agent Mulder the bestpossible in. You’ll leave in the morning.”

           “The best possible in?” She knew hervoice was squeaky but she was furious. She stood up and stepped towards Skinner’sdesk. “What does that mean?”

           “It means, Scully,” Mulder said,placing a hand on the small of her back, “that my many hours of studying theworld of Star Wars will not have gone to waste.”

           “Studying? Is that what you call it?”

She swung round andreached the door before Skinner called out.

“Agents.”

She turned, trying tocontain her anger. Skinner was smiling. Sort of.

“May the force be with you.”

She’s browsing the stalls, flicking through stacks ofautograph books, framed photos of people she doesn’t recognise, movie posters,tee-shirts and buttons and pins and mugs and toothbrushes and other assortedparaphernalia, when she hears the buzz of static. She thinks, with someamusement, that this is the only place in the world where nobody would bat aneye at a woman in a snow suit talking on a walkie-talkie while holding up anegg cup in the shape of R2D2.

              “I’m onher tail, Scully. She’s heading to the side doors, arm in arm with Han Solo.”

              “Can yougive me a better description?” she says, looking around at the dozens of Leiasand Hans wandering around. She heads out in the general direction, studyingfaces and eye colour and chin shape. She thinks she sees a likely couple andfingers her weapon when Han turns and she realises they are both women.

A few metres ahead, she seesMulder. Beyond him, she spies the real Rita Barilla, plaits wound around herears and white robe flowing, chatting to a man wearing brown pants, brown vestover a cream shirt, she thinks about how Mulder hadn’t really thought hiscostume through. Typical, impulsive Mulder. She races to the exit, feelingpowerful in her own outfit. Rebel Leader was an apt description for her job.

“FBI! Rita Barilla, put yourhands up.”

The woman drops the arm of hercompanion who sidesteps away with an expression of confusion and surprise onhis face. Mulder is still catching up. She can hear him cursing through thewalkie-talkie. Rita Barilla ducks down rolls into a crowd of people. Scullyruns towards her and yells at Mulder to follow. He raises an arm inacknowledgement. She sees the white robe flitting through the crowds, towards alarge gathering of other white robes. Shit. Scully pushes through the people,twisting them round to look at them. Mulder is finally with her.

“Rita Barilla, stop right there,”he yells.

“Where’s your weapon?” Scullyasks, desperately scanning faces for the right Leia.

“It got stuck,” he whispers.

“Stuck?” She looks down at him.

“Don’t, Scully,” he says. “Justdon’t.”

She can see the gun wedged downhis thigh pad.

“She’s the third Leia on theright. She’s the one with the really big…”

“Plaits,” she finishes.

She rushes forward, barrellinginto her target until she’s astride her on the floor. The crowd parts andMulder arrives. Squeaking. And trying to unstick his weapon.

“Curse my metal body,” he says,finally pulling the gun out. “Rita Barilla, you’re under arrest…”

They watch as Barilla is taken away in handcuffs, wedgedbetween two police officers. It’s eerily similar to a scene from the movie.

              “May Icongratulate the Princess on her good work. The odds of intercepting thecorrect suspect in a room full of…”

              She digshim in the ribs and regrets it as it bounces off his gold plate. “Shut up or I’lldisconnect your circuit board.”

              He holdsup his hands, bent at the elbows. His mask is off, his head is quirked at anangle and he’s wearing that silly grin again. “I love it when you talk dirty,Scully.”

[brawltogethernow]

Neutral Element - A Great Escape

Installment Masterlist

Characters: Anevka, Violetta; Length: 2k

“I see,” says Anevke, when his sister shoots him in the back. He’s surprised. Not because she’s decided her best course of action is to shoot him — because Tarveka knows that gun pulls to the right, and yet she didn’t aim to the left.

He’s still surprised when he wakes to blurry half-consciousness in the Great Hospital.

 *

“You think she spared you?” says Violetta, perched at the foot of his hospice bed like a purple bird, making a nonchalant show of trimming her nails with a pocket knife. “Tcha! Your sister’s a snake. An incompetent snake. She probably just forgot, the prissy prima donna. Like she shouldn’t know how to assess a gun barrel by now, honestly….” She descends into irritated muttering, but remains apparently undistracted from her show of being dangerous while looking distracted. She’s waiting for his order. Well, she can just wait another minute, because trying to hold onto a single thought is like trying to keep track of a single fish in an ornamental pond. What to do, what to do. The Baron’s forces are occupying the town, and he’s lost his key to controlling the citizens anyway. His ancestral keep might have been exploded. And mere days after he inherited it, no less. If it weren’t for Vado the Unfortunate, that would probably be a record. He’s vulnerable right now, and the members of his family who support Seffie’s candidacy are no doubt eager to storm in. He’ll have to make himself seem useful to them if he wants that to slack off. Currently, Violetta is his only available resource. He’s surprised to see her. He thought she’d been restationed far away…

…In Mechanicsburg. He’s in Mechanicsburg. Why is he in Mechanicsburg?

Why am I in Mechanicsburg? he tries to say. What comes out is: “Your hair is very red. It’s your plumage.”

Violetta stares at him like he’s insane. He has no idea if that was intelligible. He faintly hopes not. “Ho, boy,” she says, and reaches into one of her pockets for a green vial.

 *

The real kicker, Anevke reflects bitterly when his thoughts are more in order, is that his scheme was going so smoothly at the start of the whole debacle. Before it evolved the way it ultimately did, damn the Weißdamen for never forgetting their original loyalties. There was a simple, brutal beauty to their plan with the wasps: It would have been a neat marriage of the two oft competing purposes of the Knights of Jove. But then Anevke’s incorporation of Lucrezia’s technology had to be ruined by the return of the woman herself. Or worse, a dozen shadows of her. Where is her main brain? If he doesn’t know that, how is he supposed to kill it?

Violetta keeps tutting at him for trying to get all the information she has out of her as they try to escape the Great Hospital without drawing attention, but they simply don’t have the luxury of dawdling.

“And my sister?” he asks, as they crouch behind a fern waiting for a guard to change shifts. Security isn’t normally this tight, he understands, but the Baron is receiving care here. Violetta has just summed up the rather depressing state of Sturmhalten — It won’t do any good to go back there, for now, and Tarveka, if she persists, has surely thought along the same lines. “Where is she?”

“Well, technically I’m only supposed to keep an eye on you,” says Violetta. “But she might have snuck into that death trap up on the hill to aid the true Heterodyne or whatever. Is that part of your plan?”

Violetta glances at him at that point, and her expression implies that she received enough of an answer to her question from his expression.

“…And you didn’t feel inclined to stop her?” Anevke manages eventually.

Violetta shrugs. “Gotta say this for the princess —” Her tone makes it obvious “princess” is meant as an insult and not as a title. “— she’s a lot harder to poison now.”

Anevke frowns, both eyes but only half his attention on the hallway. Tarveka has mostly been his ally, and is a clever strategist and politician. By the sound of it, she’s trying to throw it all away for love. Such a path doesn’t suit someone so naturally pessimistic, but Anevke reckons Tarveka knows that.

Suddenly he realizes something, and groans.

“What?” says Violetta, peering up and down at him skeptically like she’s checking if he’s started bleeding from any new areas.

Since raising his arms doesn’t hurt at that particular moment — which feels like a privilege, though less so every minute — he massages the bridge of his nose. “Tarveka has run off with the Heterodyne Girl. She’s going to defend her with everything she has.” If the best plot to succeed required the girl’s death, could he take his sister’s latest little toy? When things are requested of Tarveka, she normally gives them up with a smile. But if she were to dig in her heels and really try…

“Uhhh huh,” says Violetta, skeptical. Anevke can’t blame her; Tarveka’s effectiveness had blindsided him only days ago, and it landed him here. Still, the other thing he’s realized, that is definitely something the Order’s worst Smoke Knight will appreciate.

“My sister has run off with the Heterodyne Girl,” he repeats again. He rolls his eyes. “My fated bride.”

Startled, Violetta snorts.

The guard finally changes, and they dash down the hallway, and do an up-and-down, to be safe.

“So are you going to work with the Order’s pawn in town?” Violetta asks as they double back through a ward full of unconscious cyclopes. A sign propped in a barrel in the middle of the room between the two rows of beds says: “Do Not Wake”, with a double-sided arrow. Violetta treads directly on their beds, silently. “She should be trying to take the Castle by now, if she hasn’t been held up.”

“No,” he says. “We’ve had reports on how that infernal machine works. If a true member of the Heterodyne family is inside, it’s far too late to uproot her. Going along with the fake at this stage would be a foolish game of roulette, though I have no doubt someone is still going to try to go through with the whole mess. But that is not going to be me. No, Tarveka’s in the right about one thing: At this point the best thing is to try to curry the real girl’s favor. And don’t mistake me, she is the real thing.” He startles at an errant tank of arms someone left soaking in brine in the middle of the walkway, and gingerly steps over it, careful not to brush against another arm shaped like a hairy ham that’s attached to one of the slumbering denizens of the hospital beds. “We could still use her if we got her on our side,” he says. “But I don’t imagine she’s feeling very charitable toward us as a body right now. Well, unless my dear sister’s seduction routine is working.”

“Uh,” says Violetta, “you’re not saying you want to go into the Castle, do you? Because you are pretty easy to poison, and I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“God, no,” says Anevke. “There cannot be enough going on in there to make that worth it.”

They vacate the cyclops ward, pounding down another hallway on silent feet.

“I highly doubt the girl would be pleased to see me,” continues Anevke, swiveling his head around looking for Hospital staff and patients. “At this point, the best thing is to respect that, and avoid the chit. Let Tarveka soften her up, she’s good at that.” Although he would regret not having access to Tarveka’s modified voice. Honestly, leaving the Heterodyne Girl alive and Tarveka with her? It was redundant. But the Sturmvoraus siblings often ran up against points of contention like this. Tarveka and Anevke were both prone to bouts of irrationality, but often strongly disagreed on what was worth being irrational about.

Violetta effortlessly detaches the cover to a vent on the wall that should lead outside and swings into it, reaching down to help him up. “And when someone from our family tries to kill you?” she says, yanking him up with both hands. “I mean…” she says, looking at his bandaged, bed sheet-clad state and reconsidering. “When someone else from our family tries to kill you, again.”

“I’m certain I can convince some of them to stay backing me,” mutters Anevke, starting to inch down the vent. Violetta impatiently inches after him. “It’s not like the other candidates are particularly exemplary. ...And I’m far and away the most mature option, if nothing else.”

“Tweedle is older than you.”

“By a month. And our dear Cousin Tweedle is a twit.”

“I definitely never said she was not a twit. I wouldn’t say that knocked silly on hallucinogens.”

“Fair enough,” he grants. “Anyway, who cares how old Tweedle is? You’re just being pedantic.”

Violetta snorts again. “She’s not ‘a candidate’,” — she pauses crawling to make finger quotes — “but people who don’t know that Seffie is the smart one think she can watch him or something. So you’re going to have to stop discounting the kiddo and assuming people won’t want him over you.”

“Doesn’t the current plan involve constructing a ‘grand romance’?” Anevke demands, voice bleeding distaste. “Xerxsephnius is, like, fifteen. Doesn’t the Order expect people to have any standards?”

“He’s not —” Violetta sniffs. “Well, it doesn’t matter, because no, they don’t,” she says.

“…Fair enough,” Anevke says again, sighing. They leave through the other side of the vent, leaping from it onto the eaves of a neighboring roof. Anevke pauses before unfolding from his landing crouch to assess his physical state, but he actually feels fine. Press onward, then.

“Soooo,” says Violetta. “We’re out. Where to now, Highness?”

“Not Castle Heterodyne, that’s for sure,” says Anevke, brushing himself off and extricating an overly personable mimmoth from where it hitched a ride in the folds of his hospital gown. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

He was practically inviting eventually ending up there, really.