#Should I post it after I’m done yay or nay

[misstwisted]

My new au is that tape is just the secret sequel of DPS revealing Neil faked his death and Todd developed sociopathy.

[seraphinitegames]

Seraphinite Games Update 2021

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope it's already starting off to be a great one for you all!

This is going to be quite a long update this time :D

So, basically, I need to change up the way I'm doing things. I was freaking out before Christmas because I didn't have enough time to do everything.

Thankfully, I have Nai on my team now, and wow, I am in serious awe of her organisation skills!

She sat me down calmly at our meeting and figured out everything that needs to be done as well as how to plan it in! She took everything I was anxious about and made it work!!

Things were fine for Book One and even most of Book Two, but I've got so much more social media, and other things, as well as Book Three being SO big. Like, the sheer amount of variations, branches and content going into it. You may not get to see it all in a playthrough, but I'm hoping replays will show just how much is going into it!

Now I'm not complaining about this in the slightest! I am so excited about what's going in this book and that I can put it in there. It's everything I've ever wanted to create in a story! Like, I can't spoil anything, but there's so many chapters in this that I am dying to write the variations for!!

But that doesn't stop the fact that it takes time. More time than I needed for Book One or Two, and I just couldn't find the time on top of social media and everything else that goes along with this last year.

Yet obviously, I still really wanna talk to you guys :D Getting to interact with you and get excited about what's coming and share in your enthusiasm keeps me unbelievably motivated!

It's just now I have a better way of doing it instead of getting so completely overwhelmed.

Nai reminded me that I brought her on board to help ease my tasks, so I need to actually use her for that, hehe :D

So Nai is going to take over the reblogs on Tumblr for me, as well as running my Instagram account. Tuesday and Thursday will still be the days for my pictures, it's just I will send them to her to post for me, then she's got so amazing plans on stuff she wants to do with Instagram too!

She already handles Facebook and Twitter for me, so that's all the same.

I will be cutting down on the amount of asks I do everyday on Tumblr, there will be about 2-3 asks and 2 matchups. But, Nai made yet another fantastic suggestion, so we're going to get a video up together once a month on Youtube where I answer Tumblr asks or asks from other platforms.

Hopefully that means I have more time to properly answer asks. Last year, I was trying to answer as many asks I could fit into my day, but I wasn't getting the time to really answer them as I wanted! I’m also just not willing to go through the amount of horrible messages I get anymore, so I need less of that everyday.

That video will probably be released on the last Wednesday of every month. Things might change as we bed in this new schedule.

Patreon will be exactly the same. I'll still be the main on that one for messages, comments, etc. Though I will be adding a monthly poll to the $5+ tiers...partly because I'm nosey and want to see how you guys play Wayhaven, hehe ;D

Nai also helped me come up with a whole year's worth of content ideas, and guys...there's some really good stuff coming, including the long awaited Book One first meeting scene from the LI's pov, and another Character Q+A!

The weekly updates and update+ will be the same.

Also in even more incredible news, SpunkyCatNinja has officially joined the Seraphinite Games team as editor!! Yay!

I mean, she was already a major part of it, but now it's proper official!

All of this should hopefully mean that I get to have more time for the thing we're all really here for...the actual game :D Somewhere we can go away from the world/internet/social media/real life to romance 4 hot vampires and feel like we're really part of a story and world.

I'm feeling super optimistic about this new plan of action, especially after how much I was freaking out before Christmas! 

So here's to an amazing and productive 2021! <3

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

alpha/beta are carol/daryl foils: an analysis no one asked for; twd s10 spoilers, obviously

hoo boy. okay, so i’ve been intending to write this for days, but i had to let it marinate, and also i haven’t been sleeping and couldn’t concentrate long enough to write it down, but whatever, i digress. “we are the end of the world” was something, wasn’t it?? it is so weird to have a plotline in twd that’s like...good? and SO refreshing to have a villain who isn’t a macho, rapey, white dude. i personally believe that all showrunners should be women from now on. oh, i’m digressing again, my apologies.

here’s the actual content, under the cut bc it’s a fucking novel:

so, from alpha’s very first episode, when i saw her shaving her head, i literally thought, “oh, so she’s carol’s foil and they’re going to have an inevitable showdown, huh?” guess who was right? this bitch. but what i didn’t catch right away was how beta is also daryl’s foil, and how the main focus of this season is alpha/beta vs carol/daryl.

let’s take it apart individually first, yeah?

carol vs. alpha:

like i said, the scene that made me instantly aware of what they were setting up was when alpha shaved her head. carol’s hair was a big thing in season 9, and the fact that we had just had henry talking about carol growing her hair out long, juxtaposed with alpha shaving hers off, is what set the alarm bells off for me. i have said over and over that i don’t believe kang does anything unintentionally, and girl loves her symbolism, so those two opposing scenes was a taste of what she was setting up.

carol and alpha are both near-indestructible forces who also happen to be mother’s suffering the loss of their children at the hand of the other. (carol isn’t directly responsible for lydia, but she’s included with “the others” that took lydia from alpha, so i think alpha still sees her as part of it.)

carol and alpha both have transformed themselves to fit within the confines of the world they currently live in, while recognizing that their children weren’t meant for it, even within their own grief. let us refer to figures a and b (lol) below.

figure a:

here in “the grove” we have creepy girl who i hate and am terrified of asking carol if sophia died because she was weak, and carol straight up is like, “yes.” she doesn’t even sugarcoat it. she accepted that her daughter wasn’t going to survive from the jump, because “there wasn’t a mean bone in her body.”

figure b:

here we see alpha losing her goddamn shit, because she’s having a come-to-jesus moment with beta about losing lydia, because she can’t have lydia and be the alpha at the same time, because lydia “is not like” her. 

conclusion: carol and alpha both mourn for their daughters, but have accepted that to be the people they need to be in the apocalypse, their children needed to die (or in lydia’s case, be dead metaphorically). in short, carol and alpha are two sides of the same coin. they’ve both found ways to survive, except one is for the good guys, and the other is for the bad guys, and now they’re head-to-head, and it is d e l i c i o u s.

moving on.

daryl vs beta:

idk why the parallels didn’t occur to me when they had daryl fighting beta. i blame henry, he was distracting me by being a delightful idiot (rip my dumb bitch), but that seed was planted in season 9, too. go kang for continuity. who knew twd could do that? anyway.

the big thing that compares daryl and beta is who they were before they found carol and alpha respectively. we obviously don’t know a whole lot of details about beta’s life, but we have enough to extrapolate and compare, and extrapolate and compare we shall.

alright, so we got our favorite lovable, filthy redneck, who grew up abused and isolated, and then here comes the apocalypse, and the only person he has left is his brother, and that’s what defines him until he loses him, both when rick chained him to a roof, and then again, after a brief relapse, when merle sacrificed himself. 

next we have beta, who again, our info is limited, but he does not become “beta” until after whoever that walker alpha puts down is gone. judging by the size, approximate age, and the closeness beta had to him, i’m betting on, you guessed it, his brother. 

observe:

figure a:

figure b:

these are both turning points for these men, where they Fully Become the dudes that we know. daryl couldn’t be the daryl we know and love until merle was gone for good, and whatever his actual name is couldn’t become beta until smiley face shirt guy was smooshed. 

(side note: how fucking rank does that t-shirt have to be by now? at least the mask dries out, but do you think that t-shirt is just like, melded into beta’s skin at this point? gross.)

so time for the fun part.

alpha/beta and caryl in season 10:

season 10 finds both duos in similar circumstances, by which i mean, alpha and carol are losing their minds, and beta and daryl are like, “uhhhh, you ok?” the men are these women’s confidants, their person, the one they trust and love above all others. carol saved daryl and brought him into a community, and alpha did the same thing with beta. you want more visual aides? well, sure thing, scout!

figure a:

we’re carylers, we already know carol’s the reason daryl has the confidence and self-esteem to become part of the group, but juxtapose this with the following pic, which i will label

figure b (again):

and you will see that alpha sees something in beta that no one else does. she sees this lonely, talented man, who’s adrift and in solitude, and she essentially calls dibs. sound familiar? inorite?

so daryl and beta are now loyal to a fault to their women, and this season already has them being wary of how they’re acting. yes, i have more pictures. i like taking screenshots, okay?

figure a:

one of the first scenes we get with caryl is daryl asking carol if she’s still thinking about alpha, and if she is Dwelling, which is interesting, because...

figure b:

...that’s exactly the same thing we get with alpha and beta. the first scene in “we are the end of the world” with the two of them in present day is him questioning her motives, and then later on he’s like, “fuck, are you Dwelling?” 

and both women immediately are like:

and neither dude knows wtf to do about this, because they’re used to the women being the strong ones. carol’s whole, “you’ve got to feel it, but not me, i’m good repressing, conceal don’t feel” thing, mixed with alpha’s, “we’re living like the dead and the dead don’t feel emotions so obviously I Am Fine” motto is what their boys are used to, but suddenly carol is hallucinating dead children, and alpha is making shrines, and our poor dudes are like, “plz stop???” esp bc they know these women are FUCKING TERRIFYING, and should never be left to their own devices if they’re being crazy crackers.

ergo, both men are clinging to the hope that they can bring the women back from the brink. my last visual aides, yes i know, how sad:

figure a:

figure b:

both scenes have these dudes reaching out to their women and essentially expressing, in their own way, “i’m worried about you, can you plz stay within eyesight at all times, ilu,” bc neither daryl nor beta is equipped to have a nice long sit down conversation about feelings, and obviously carol and alpha wouldn’t bother to entertain it in the first place, so like  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. they tried. 

will it work? unlikely! because after that showdown at the end of both eps 1 and 2, these bitches ain’t about to stop for nothing. they just straight up made enemies for life, and they’re going straight harry potter with this shit, neither can live while the other survives, someone has to die, and while beta and daryl are not super on board with this whole “being bonkers and bent on revenge” thing, you better bet your ass that they’re going to make sure their woman is the winner, which means they automatically are paired up against one another as well.

so in a nutshell: we could have just stuck goatees on mmb and norman reedus, cast them as alpha and beta, and called them mirror!verse caryl (star trek reference, yay/nay?), because they’re mother fucking foils setting up for the mother fucking fight of the century, and oh my god, can you feel it in your bones how exciting it is that it’s not going to be a rick + negan dick measuring contest again? i am So Hype.

and ofc, as a hardcore caryl shipper, i obviously have to throw in that alpha and beta are totally in love (which is esp fun, bc whisperers aren’t supposed to feel love, uh oh, vulcan violation, yes i made another star trek reference, bite me), and if they are paralleling caryl, well...extrapolate from the evidence.

i love kang, you guys. i love how she tells a story. i love that she knows how to tell a story. this show is good again, and idk how she did it, but damnit, she did.

thus endeth my pointless critical analysis. forgive me. i was an english major and have absolutely no other use for my degree.

i’m ashamed too. 

that’s all. tomorrow is the early release of the caryl episode, i mean the new episode. looking forward to dying a valiant death with the lot of you. until then, friends.

deuces,

-diz

addendum: i was editing this, and was trying to think if there’s a parallel to the bracelet scene, and the only thing i could think of that alpha gives beta is his mask. she encourages him to take the face of his brother(?), and that keeps him grounded, which is interesting, bc my prediction for the bracelet is that it’s going to end up being a grounding device for carol when she’s dissociating. i don’t have a solid conclusion drawn there, but i thought i’d mention it before posting, just to plant the seed. 

k, done 4 real, bye

[sirsapling]

MORE TAGGED POSTS

I got tagged in a bunch more things I didn't respond to fast enough, so UNDER THE CUT THEY GO. 

I have too many things to respond to, so I won't be tagging, but consider yourself tagged if you want to do any.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

Tagged by the wonderful @bardingbeedle​

Pass the happy!🌻🌿 When you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications!

Lying in warm blankets in an cold room. Bonus points for snow outside.

A fresh Buzz cut

Talking to @bardingbeedle​

Having long, passionate rambles about the Marvel Ultimates

Hashbrowns, bacon, maple syrup, maybe a pancake, and a sausage too.

Tagged by the chaotic @s-hylor​

top 3 cities you want to visit: Toronto, again. Colorado (I know its a state not a city I just want to visit ashes AND GET SNOW). And I would like to go back to Italy again. (I also want to visit, just, all of my fandom friends but I don't want to drop all their locations lol)

favorite marvel character: Ults!Steve Rogers and then Ults!Tony Stark. Not counting stony, Anthony the brain tumor, and not counting clones, Gregory Stark.

white chocolate - yay or nay?: Love it, love it, love it.

favourite board game: God Save The Queens- A board game about Bees I invented with 3 other people at University last year for a project.

how many countries have you been to: 10, I have been very luckily graced with the ability to travel to Europe with school a lot.

(Wales, France, Belgium, Germany, Switzerland, America [Florida, Boston, New York], Spain, Portugal, Italy, and finally Canada.)

favorite thing to do on a rainy day: Anything indoors I might usually feel guilty about doing when its sunny. Tv or games particularly

favorite holiday: Christmas. I am a Christmas slut, call me festive sapling I LOVE Christmas.

pen or pencil: Pen. I once bought 7 in lisbon at the same time bc they were perfect and I didn't want to run out.

favourite kind of soup: Cupasoup Chicken noodle, I don't really like soups tbh, I like broths, and gravy type things I make too much of and eat like a soup (like golden Currys or korma sauces)

your typical order at a cafe or coffee shop: Caramel Frappucino or an iced Mocha. If I'm gonna pay a fuck tonne for coffee I'm gonna get a drinkable dessert.

favorite ride at an amusement park: Any slow rides that show you shit, like spaceship earth at EPCOT. I’m not really a speed dude.

the color of your sneakers: RED, red shoes are the shit folks, a good pair of red converse goes with everything.

favorite pbs show (or little kids show if you didn’t have pbs):  Uh I used to watch pokemon then winnie the pooh every single night. But little little kids show I used to watch a show called 64 zoo lane with my grandma so I have fond memories

Rules: name your favorite female characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by the wonderful @ashes0909​

Natasha Romanov - Marvel Cinematic Universe

Carol Danvers - Marvel 616

Janet Van Dyne - Marvel Ultimates

Izumi Curtis - Full Metal Alchemist

Martha Jones - Doctor Who

Garnet - Steven Universe (if she doesn't count bc, space rock, Connie)

Rosa Diaz - Brooklyn 99

Ann Perkins  - Parks and Rec

Princess Caroline - Bojack Horseman

Pam Poovey - Archer

LOOK I know there was a lot of cheating here, but I don't have non marvel fandoms really, and I have a hard time remembering a lot of the TV I enjoyed.

Rules: Share your top 10 AO3 additional tags. Tagged by the mysterious @nigmuff​

look I don't know if I have enough tags to make this a justified representation, but the ones shown are v much on brand.

Fanfic trope meme

I was tagged by the delightful @capnstars​ and @crownofstardustandbone​

slowburn or love at first sight // fake dating or !!!secret dating!!! // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt/comfort or amnesia // fantasy au or modern au // mutual pining or domestic bliss // smut AND fluff // canon-compliant or fix-it  // reincarnation or character death // one-shot or multi-chapter // kid fic or road trip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage // high school romance or !!!!middle-aged romance!!! // time travel or isolated together // neighbours or roommates  // sci-fi or magic au // body swap or genderbend  // angst or crack // apocalyptic or mundane

Look guys, I’m boring. I like domestic 30-40 year olds in secret relationships. We knew this.

And now buckle the fuck down folks because I'm about to answer 50 questions about me no one is gonna stick around and read.

tagged by @bardingbeedle​ the only person who would put up with reading this much about me.

What is the colour of your hairbrush?

I have a buzz cut, I don't have a hair brush anymore.

Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too warm. I have been warmer than most people my whole life, and I often need to sleep with a fan on.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Working on a sketch for an MTH fill (update from the end of this: I have spent an hour doing this fuckin thing)

What is your favourite candy bar?

Bounty. My favourite candy is Reese’s Pieces but I like a bounty. Or like, and chocolate without fruit in it tbh.

Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Yes, one of my parents referees Championship Football here in the UK. I have been to a few of his games. I also went to the London 2012 Paralympic closing ceremony, if that counts.

What is the last thing you said out loud?

‘Oh, this will last me a few days’ I was talking to my mother about 1/2 a can of pringles, I was lying.

What is your favourite ice cream?

Vanilla. I am boring. But the best ice cream i’ve had was a cream/milk flavoured gelato in Florence, that shit slapped. I also like cheap strawberry ice cream when no one is trying to put strawberry bits in it.

What was the last thing you had to drink?

Dinner. A spinach, banana, summer fruits and coconut yoghurt smoothie (with extra raspberries). Its my nightly dinner to cheat more veg into my body.

Do you like your wallet?

Very much. It’s about 7-8 years old, it is faded to hell but it has spiderman and a pony ride stony pin

What was the last thing you ate?

See above smoothie comment, but if that doesn't count, a sugar free mint polo.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

Nope. I don't buy as many clothes as I want to, bc mens clothes in larger sizes are hard to find or expensive here.

The last sporting event you watched?

F1, I don't keep up but I watch a little with my dad every now and then.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn?

BUTTER. They don't really have it here, and I don't go to movies much when in the states. But @festiveferret​ introduced me to it when we saw Ant-man and the Wasp, and much like poutine and Tim Hortons, I still crave it.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

My dad. 

Ever go camping?

Yes, I was a Scout. I have done enough camping to not want to do more, it was fun when I wasn't organising it.

Do you take vitamins?

Yes, but not as often as I should, and as much as my mother bothers me too.

Do you go to church every Sunday?

Nope, not even when I considered myself christian. I go only go to church for other peoples events, and I’m an agnostic now.

Do you have a tan?

I cannot tan. I just can't, I burn lobster red in 5 minutes outside without literal sun cream for BABIES

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

Chinese food, It was easily what taught me to like more foods also, I don't eat tomato so I can't have most pizza. I love a good garlic base/bechamel, but you can't really get that here easily (yes yes I could make my own but that ruins half the point of pizza)

Do you drink your soda with a straw?

I don't drink carbonated drinks, because its like drinking pain. The fuck is wrong with all of you.

What colour socks do you usually wear?

Various colours, but I consider red on the left, blue on the right, my lucky socks. No I don't know why, but I take all exams and interviews wearing them. It’s just a thing.

Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I don't drive, but if I did, No. Theres a lot of questionable laws out there but Traffic laws aren't one of them.

What terrifies you?

Pfft, most things from spiders to rollercoasters. But more seriously, Being shouted at. Shout at me and I start hyperventilating, its a thing. Also not knowing if someone is mad at me. I’m not good at reading people,

Look to your left, what do you see?

The wallet shown earlier, and the sugar free polos mentioned after that.

What chore do you hate?

Vacuuming. It makes everything in my body hurt. I would rather clean toilets.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

@s-hylor​

What’s your favourite soda?

See above. I do not like your pain liquid. Apple juice for life.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?

Either delivery or kiosk, I don't like talking to people where possible, I often need tweaks I don't want to have to remember to repeat.

Who’s the last person you talked to?

@downeyhills​

Favourite cut of beef?

I don't generally eat beef, lamb, or most red meats. I love crispy chilly beef, but as anyone can point out its bc your generally don't feel the texture of the beef.

Last song you listened to?

Everybody Wants to Rule the World | Tears for Fears | Pomplamoose

I’m on a Pomplamoose kick, and I also just love this song anyway.

Last book you read?

Understanding Comics (The invisible Art) - Scott McCloud

Favourite day of the week?

Friday nights. The weekend is ahead and @loraneldin​ and I take to wrangling our beloved usual suspects through another week of Ults Book Club.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I can barely say it forwards.

How do you like your coffee?

With milk and sugar, or ultimately, in a Caramel Frappuccino bc I'm a bitch like that.

Favourite pair of shoes?

I have walking boots that don't make my flat ass feet feel like they’re dying. OR my black and green crocs (Fight me, they’re useful).

The time you normally go to sleep?

9-10 is what I'm working on, but I fluctuate depending on if I'm working on something or not.

The time you normally get up?

5-6 If I have a choice in the matter, but often 7-8 if I didn't get to bed at the right time. I’m more about getting the right hours in for my diet than time specifically.

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

Sunset is the prettiest, but I like to be awake to see the sun rise.

How many blankets on your bed?

One big thick comforter, because that's the uk standard, and I get too hot otherwise.

Describe your kitchen plates

Two types, big wide white ones with a navy blue rim. They are so large I never use them, and little Navy saucer plates I use a lot.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

I don't drink, so no. I drink apple juice or Shirley temples when I'm in pubs/bars

Do you play cards?

Sometimes, I like to teach people to play Old Maid. It’s the monopoly of card games.

What colour is your car?

Again, I do not drive. 

Can you change a tire?

I am aware I just said I don't have a car, but I do know how to change a tire. Everyone should go learn its pretty simple.

Favourite job you’ve ever had?

I have only had one job really and two job experience jobs. I did experience in a school library for a week and that was v fun and chill. I did all the jobs they had prepared for me in 2 days so I alphabetically reorganised their fiction section for the rest of the week. I LIKE ORDERING.

How did you get your biggest scar?

I no longer have a gallbladder, so I have 3 scars across my torso from that, the biggest right in the middle of my ribs. Non surgical wise I have matching scars on my knees from ripping holes in them when tripping. I have weak ankles and also I got both of those at different times.

What did you do today that made someone else happy?

I gave my spare animal crossing Iguanodon skull to a wicked artist I follow on twitter so he could complete his dino park. 

[agustdef]

Here & Now - Chapter 1

Pairing: Yoongi x OC

Genre: Fluff; Chill romance

Word Count: 1,963

Warning: None.

Banner Marker: @dee-ehn​

Author’s Note: This is my first time posting fanfic so I hope it’s alright. I’m going to try and update at least once a week. 

"Kendall!" The shrill voice barely registered through the music blasting through my ears. Pausing the track I pushed off my headphones and turned around. I was met with my friend, Matthew, glaring me down.

"Can I help you?"

He rolled his eyes, plopping onto the couch next to my work station.

"You've been ignoring emails, calls, and texts all day. You know those time-sensitive ones that need responses asap."

"Oh calm down, I still have ti..." My voice trailed off when I glanced at the clock on the wall. Four thirty flashed at I'd realized eight hours had passed since I'd come in, instead of the three I'd thought it to be.

"You would think that Ana bringing you the breakfast you ordered and then the lunch from the meeting we had would tip you off. Sometimes you worry me, Kendall. Your brain still working?" Matthew was clearly amused.

My mouth opened and closed, not one comeback surfacing. If I was honest he wasn't wrong, per se. Often when focused on a task it felt like my brain refused to function beyond that. Nothing else mattered and it would last for hours, or days like it did that one time where production deadlines were pushed up from a week out to four days. It didn't help that my sense of time regardless of what I was doing.

"Shut up. Just tell me why you're here."

Matthew being the jerk he is just continued to smile at me, languishing in my annoyed state. He enjoyed rendering my speechless way too much. I think it was because it was the only time he could win against me.

When minutes passed and silence became too much I grabbed a crumpled wrapper from my desk and launched it at his face. His arms waved about in a panicked manner as if he hadn't watched the trash sail through the air and into his face.

"Chop, chop I have things to do."

Picking up the wrapper he launched it back at me, missing by a foot. He seemed less than pleased, but didn't grab anything else to complete his retaliation.

"As I was saying," he huffed, "you've not answered anything all day. There's some stuff double checking sessions, post-production information, two tracks you need to look over, some requests. Oh and obviously that thing from Hals."

"I dare you to call her that to her face."

"What? No. We're not close and that would be weird." His cheeks turned red and he glanced everywhere but at me.

It was so cute. "Your crush is showing."

"I don't have a crush. She's not my type." He scoffed.

It was my turn to scoff and to roll my eyes. I had no clue why he always used that as an excuse. "It's perfectly healthy to acknowledge that even though you are not attracted to female and femme people that they are attractive. Don't know why you weirdos fail to understand you can appreciate a person's beauty without having a thing for them."

Matthew groaned, throwing himself back against the couch. No doubt he was tired of having that conversation with me, but I needed him to get it together. Nothing about being flustered about someone's level of attractiveness meant that you were something you weren't.

Another dramatic sigh from him and he sat up again. "Anyways... you should get those out of the way and then go home. Seeing as I know you have a full day for both your jobs tomorrow. And because you're only here working on your own stuff and not for a client."

Arguments presented themselves in my head, but none of the came out. I was in no mood to back and forth with him all day. Plus, he wasn't wrong yet again. I'd finished working on a song for an upcoming album an hour after I arrived and had only been emptying my head of all the beats locked in there. They tended to be like plot bunnies and those rarely left my head unless I gave them some attention.

"Better idea. I go home and answer the emails." He went to interrupt me, but I held up a finger. "With the promise of getting it all done by seven thirty and sending you images of my empty inbox. As well as the sent box."

For a second he stared me down, eyes narrowed. You could see the gears turning in his head and it almost looked like he'd say no.

"Okay. Go straight home and get it done. I will let myself in if none of that is done and will micromanage the whole process."

He stood and so did I, move in for a hug.

"And stop blocking Marcus when he annoys you. He, your agent, shouldn't have to send me to tell you this stuff," he said as he pulled away.

"Will do."

With one parting glare he left the studio, leaving me to myself. For a moment I just stood there, tired washing over me as I finally realized how long I'd been awake. The night was spent pumping out a scene that had come just as REM sleep was hitting and I'd only gotten about an hour and a half before coming in. I'd knock out the moment I got home if I had my way, but I had stuff to do. So much stuff.

Taking a deep breath I pushed a stray braid behind my ear and got to work cleaning up. Most of the stuff was sitting piled neatly together, so I shoved it into the trash can. Once the bag was tied and next to my door I replaced it and gathered my other stuff. I'd left my laptop at home, so I just shoved my notebooks into my bag along with my chargers. After sending myself everything and saving it in a million different locations I shut it all done and left.

A few people were heading out with me, the workday finishing for everyone. We all nodded in greeting, but thankfully no one stopped to chat. By the time I reached the exit the Uber I ordered awaited me outside and I hopped in. The universe had to love me because besides a greeting my college-age driver didn't say a word to me.

On the ride home I skimmed my emails via phone and noticed that a lot of them weren't even that pressing. Most were just quick things that I could answer right then and there. And of course there was the email from Halsey, but I already knew what it had to say and I didn't have the information she needed with me. As I sifted through the emails about wanting to work with me I saw one that was interesting, but before I could open it we came to a stop.

Glancing up I noticed we were at my building and got out with a quick bye. Walking in I waved at the woman at the security desk and ran to the elevator whose doors were closing quickly. I just barely slid through, hurting my hip a little from it hitting it.

"Shit."

Rubbing it only irritated the area and I was sure I'd have a light bruise by morning. Why I continued to try and squeeze my hips through things knowing that there wasn't enough room I was unsure. One day I would learn. Though probably not.

By the time I reached the inside of my apartment the throbbing had dulled a bit, but increased in frequency. Reaching down to take off my shoes at the door was no, so I had to kick them haphazardly onto the rack.

As I assumed I felt the urge to face plant onto my couch or bed upon entry, but I fought it off. I needed to eat and handle the emails, but I'd drift the moment my fingers stopped typing. So, I rushed to the bathroom, stripped and hopped into the shower. The scorching heat put some pep into me and made me forget all about those articles that said overtly hot showers were bad for you.

Fifteen minutes later I emerged refreshed and with wet braids. Putting on my shower cap was an option but my box braids were almost done for and I couldn't be bothered to try and protect them.

Once I was dry and dressed in a too big shirt and cotton booty shorts I moved to my studio. For a second I thought about working on the track I started at the office, but I knew that I'd spend all my time doing that and only that. It almost sent me out of the studio and took the office I had set up in the spare room, but I needed a lesson in self-control.

Booting everything up I absentmindedly fiddled with the rubix cube I kept on the desk, but never actually tried to solve. After a few seconds, the silence got to me.

"Alexa."

The device glowed from where it was placed on a shelf in the corner.

"Play Always and Forever playlist."

Several seconds later she complied and HyunA's Cause I'm God Girl came on. A smile formed as I hummed along to the song. It was one of my favorites by her. Working with her was still on my goal board and it felt so close and yet so far.

Finally, my computer was ready to go, so I logged in and ignored the call that the icon for my software put out. There was one mission and one mission only. The same urge came when I logged in and saw the copy of the chapter I'd finished sitting in my inbox, but I ignored that as well.

"Focus ya weirdo."

I sped through the rest of the easier emails and forwarded the ones that requested me to work with them to Marcus with a yay or nay. It was technically his job to look and then show me the options, but I preferred to see them myself first.

When I reached Halsey email I almost rolled my eyes, a small laugh at her overly sweet wording. Though cute it made me question if I was being buttered up for something, since she tended to do that when she knew I wouldn't agree or that I was on the fence.

By the time I'd sent her over the tracks similar to what she was looking for, some files of vocals she'd done when I worked with her before and my schedule for the next month my speakers went through two other songs and was playing BTS' Baepsae.

Everything else was taken care of, which left the email I'd seen while in the car. Its subject line was normal, giving nothing away but something about it just felt different. Opening it up the difference jumped out immediately. Korean filled the screen and for a moment my brain shut down. After a deep breath, my eyes scanned the text, slowly decoding what it said. I tripped here and there, because even after ten years of learning it sometimes words were forgotten.

At the end I felt like I'd read the entire thing wrong, my chest was moving rapidly and I didn't know if I should be excited or if this was some cruel joke. Once the Korean stopped English started, all of it relaying what I'd just read. I frantically read until the completion, looking for the words that had sent me into a tizzy and there they were.

Our artist and producer SUGA/Min Yoongi would like it very much if you consider his offer to work together.

J-Hope finished out Baepsae just as I slumped in my chair.

"Holy shit." 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 059: The Origin of One for All

Previously on BnHA: Deku said farewell to Gran and headed back to U.A. Bakugou’s Jeanist hair was featured in just one panel, but forever left its impact on me and henceforth I will observe a moment of silence for Bakugou’s dignity each year on the anniversary of this day. The kids discussed their internships. Iida, Deku, and Todoroki received extra attention due to the whole Hero Killer thing. All Might conducted some training. Deku showed off his new skills. All Might asked Deku to visit him after class SO THAT HE CAN FINALLY TELL HIM ALL OF HIS SECRETS AND EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS PAST AND ABOUT ONE FOR ALL. OH MY GOD SOMEONE HOLD ME, HOW I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS DAY.

Today on BnHA: Mineta gets some comeuppance. Deku chats with All Might. All Might reveals the origins of All for One, a man whose quirk allows him to steal other quirks as well as grant them to others. We learn that One for All came to exist when this same man transferred a quirk to his brother which mutated and allowed his brother to pass on that power from generation to generation. All Might warns Deku that he might have to face All for One someday. Deku says he’ll be fine as long as All Might’s by his side. (: Aizawa announces a summer trip to a forest training camp. All for One’s face is finally revealed (!!).

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 132 now, so any ETAs will reflect that. 

**There are manga spoilers in this post for BnHA chapter 131, which has not yet aired in the anime.** These spoilers are marked, but it’s the first time this has come up, so please take heed. If anyone has any feedback regarding ways to possibly do this better, I’m definitely open to it!)

something about that number 59 that I really love... can’t quite put my finger on it :)

(ETA: present me is feeling less playfully cryptic than past me, and realizes that not everyone reading a BnHA recap is going to have detailed knowledge of the KHR fandom and all of its weird idiosyncrasies, which include, among other things, a system in which each character has a corresponding number. so just to be clear, 59 is a reference to this asshole, a.k.a. my favorite character now and always. and I could, in fact, actually put my finger on it, and if there ever comes a day when I don’t associate that number with him, it’ll be safe to assume that I am either an impostor or dead.)

anyways I have skyhigh fucking expectations for this chapter now, so let’s hope it can deliver!

JIROU PROFILE!

imagine being able to fuck up someone’s internal organs with the sound of your own heartbeat

six meters is nothing to laugh at; that’s some pretty decent range there. and she seems to have full control over the jacks’ movements the entire time

so I read Jirou as a lesbian, and I’m curious what everyone else’s thoughts are. yay? nay?

and I mentioned this a while ago, but I’ve shipped her and Momo since like chapter 16, and I still ship it lol

on to the chapter!

the kids of class A are changing back into their normal uniforms after All Might’s training session. Deku is wondering what All Might wants to talk to him about, and he’s a little nervous

Mineta is calling Deku over and saying he’s made a discovery. Mineta how dare you pollute my chapter 59 with your garbage presence

yep it’s exactly what I thought it was. little shit found a peephole leading to the girl’s locker room on the other side

Iida’s telling him to stop, but he’s not doing nearly enough

omg

I feel like this should have some kind of trigger warning. in fact, I was originally going to post the closeup of the earphone jack stabbing right into his eye, but then I was like, you know what, let’s just err on the side of caution

have I mentioned how much I fucking love Jirou omgg. only regret is that she didn’t take out both his eyes

OH MY GOD SHE’S USING HER QUIRK TO FUCK UP HIS EYE EVEN MORE

“YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW” YESSSSSSSSSSSS. THAT’S MY CHAPTER 59!!!!!

NOW DEKU IS IN ALL MIGHT’S BREAK ROOM. OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING

OH MY GOD

RIGHT??!?!

All Might says he’s sorry he wasn’t by Deku’s side. “you’ve been through a lot”

omgggggggg

-- OH FUCKING SHIT

OH SHIT OH SHIT I JUST REALIZED

“do you remember what I said when I granted you this power?” omg. DNA. oh my god oh my god

THANK FUCKING GOD?!?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME, CHRIST

jesus. okay so he says One for All won’t transfer to a new recipient unless the user wills it to

so it can’t be taken by force, but he does interestingly point out that it can be passed on to someone else without their consent. which is true, and something I hadn’t considered! if you got someone to unknowingly take in some of your DNA (or hell, it doesn’t even have to be unknowingly, does it. can you also transfer One for All through makeouts or sexy times?? omg), you could pass the ability to them without their knowledge. or even against someone’s will. though I have no idea why anyone would ever want to do that

(ETA: actually, it’s since occurred to me that there is at least one scenario where someone might be forced to do that, and that’s to prevent the quirk from falling into All for One’s hands once again. and now I really want a plot line in which Deku is forced to do this. talk about the ultimate sacrifice play. I don’t necessarily see it happening in the series -- although it would be amazing!! -- but my god I would read the shit out of that fanfic. just so long as it has a happy ending in which Deku escapes and One for All is restored back to him, though. oh man. now I’m thinking about this wayyyy too much hahaha.)

he says One for All comes from another quirk!

ALL FOR ONE?!

-- it ROBS others of their quirks omg

okay so obviously All for One must have this quirk. and I mean, it’s the perfect villain quirk. it ties into what’s been going on with the Noumus. and most importantly, it’s the antithesis of All Might’s own (former) quirk. One for All vs. All for One. literally doesn’t get more balanced than that

exactly like with the Noumus

calling it right fucking now, someone Deku knows is going to have their quirk stolen

imagine if it was Bakugou. and all of a sudden he was rendered quirkless. the thing he despises the most. omg. I think I mentioned in a previous post that I know we’re gonna get some Baku angst at some point, and now that I know this is fucking possible, holy shit. it really could happen, maybe. omg

(ETA: lol get ready for all my speculation from the Forest Training Camp arc up until basically the end of the Hideout Raid arc to be tinted by this lens. I fucking spooked myself a bit there.)

okay so apparently this all started back when quirks were just becoming a thing. so we’re talking a ways back. and I guess that makes sense, given that Deku is supposedly the ninth-gen user of One for All

so basically when quirks first came onto the scene, it was like X-Men. everything was in upheaval, people were scared of people with quirks, and basically no one knew what to do and society went nuts

but some guy came along and “brought the people together”

wow the dude fucking took over the entire country of Japan. I would fucking hope Deku had heard of this guy, then?

he has heard of it, but only through “rumors”, and he thought it was all made up. apparently they kept this incident out of the textbooks. so this guy’s influence must be extraordinary even now

now All Might’s explaining how One for All came about from all of this!

just like fucking Noumu omg

that’s what I just said, Deku. geez. fine I’ll be quiet

so All Might says that in some cases when people were granted quirks, their quirks mutated and blended together

omg

holy shit

so he had a quirk that did nothing except allow itself to be passed down to someone else. but then for some unknown reason, Big Bad gives him a crazy powerful new quirk, and that new quirk merges with the passing-down quirk

can I just quickly say, I love that the brothers’ original quirks were so closely related, since it makes sense what with them being blood related

All Might says justice is always born from evil. that’s a good line, dammit

Deku’s asking so then how can that original guy from all those years ago still be around. I’m guessing he must have stolen some sort of immortality quirk

and All Might theorizes the same

holy shit. so the brother kept opposing him but couldn’t beat him, so he ended up passing his quirk on to the next generation, and the cycle kept repeating itself again and again

(ETA: I couldn’t think of where else to put this, but I just wanted to mention that since One for All works by stockpiling power -- meaning its power increases with every subsequent generation -- this means that Deku is destined to become even stronger than All Might, and that’s so damn exciting.)

what?! that’s all the detail you’re going to go into about this part??

so anyways, this is why he hadn’t told Deku about this yet. because of the whole “you’re destined to have to face this guy yourself one day, maybe” thing. wow

he’s more Dumbledore than I originally thought

but Deku is pretty damn Gryffindor

oh my god ;_;

the fact that he said “as long as you’re with me...”

and now All Might is looking so fucking anguished all of a sudden

oh my god don’t be dying. please don’t be dying All Might

oh god

oh my god. don’t tell me it’s what I thought earlier. that once you give up One for All that’s it and you’re doomed. please don’t let that be the case. if it comes to him thinking he’s going to die, I’d rather it be from the injury. like, something about how modern medicine can only do so much. because at least then there’s hope that someone will come along with some miracle cure quirk or something, maybe. but if his own quirk is killing him, then there probably isn’t anything that can be done, and I don’t know if I can handle that after the bond that these two have formed!! I don’t care if it’s thematically perfect!!

(ETA: ***SPOILER WARNING FOR CHAPTER 131***)

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okay so! this has finally been explained and of course, it’s perfect. the idea of a prophecy is something I didn’t see coming, but once Nighteye’s quirk was established, it made a whole lot of sense. and yet somehow if you can believe it, I still didn’t see it coming lol.

but I like this a lot! because it works as both something that feels inevitable, and something that the characters are determined to fight nonetheless. and it adds an ominous clock-ticking-down feel to everything that’s going to come after this point. although I’ve only read one chapter since then, lol, so I don’t actually have any idea where this is going to head just yet.

but anyway, I’m just happy it was finally addressed, and that Deku’s reaction was as angsty as I could have hoped for, and that All Might’s subsequent response was more perfect than I could have ever dared to dream, and have I mentioned to you guys how much I love Toshinori and Deku’s relationship because oh my god. I love it so damn much.

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(END SPOILERS)

ALL OF A SUDDEN WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO CLASS A. FINE. GOOD. LET’S PUT THESE FEELS ON HOLD FOR NOW

Aizawa says summer break is approaching. I feel like this is a good time to pause for a sec and take stock of who is still fifteen and who is sixteen, because I realized the other day that Bakugou’s April birthday means he’s among the oldest in the class (ETA: in fact he is the oldest), and already turned sixteen before the sports festival

okay, so Aoyama, Hagakure, Satou, and Kaminari have already had their birthdays for sure, and Deku, Iida, Sero, and Mina either also just turned sixteen or they’re going to shortly, because they all have birthdays in the back half of July, and the Japanese summer break is usually in August

interestingly (well it is to me), Todoroki is actually one of the youngest kids in 1-A; his birthday’s not till January. the only younger ones are Kouda, Tsuyu, and Shouji of all people (Shouji you sure are a big guy aincha)

okay now back to your regularly scheduled programming

oooh Aizawa says they’re going to a summer break forest lodge!! yessss omg. this immediately sounds amazing

lol these kids have seriously misinterpreted what kind of trip this is going to be. what fucking school do you all think you’re attending here

yeeees this is my favorite thing, not even gonna pretend. I wonder just how many fanfics are set during this arc hahaha

Aizawa says that if any of them fail the end of term exam, they’ll be stuck in school, and I guess that means they miss out. YOU’D ALL BETTER PASS THEN. EXCEPT MINETA -- YOU CAN GO TO HELL

aww, poor Deku is still sitting there completely distracted by his conversation with Dumbledore -- I mean All Might -- earlier

he really didn’t. and I’ll try not to let any associations with Dumbledore cloud my fondness for that bravest and most selfless and noble of men, the Symbol of Motherfucking Peace, who just doesn’t want to dump all of this on Deku just now, and wants to let him be able to enjoy school and being a kid for as long as he can like normal

and I mean, similarities aside, All Might never pulled any shit like dumping Deku in an abusive household for eleven years, or basically raising him for slaughter and keeping mum about a prophecy that said he had to die

so yeah. All Might, you’re good

my god this has been a good chapter 59

oh my god we’re cutting to THE OTHER END OF THE SKYPE CHAT OH MY GOD. HOLD ME I CAN’T BREATHE

WHERE’S YOUR HEAD OH MY GOD I CAN’T TAKE IT?!

he’s chatting with some mad scientist-looking guy

so he has that same regeneration quirk that the Noumu had, but he received it after All Might wounded him. actually, his fight with All Might was supposed to have taken place five years prior to the start of the series (so six years ago), right? so that would mean he only just got the regeneration power recently

OH SHIT!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSS

OH MY GOD HE’S PERFECT. EXACTLY AS CREEPY AND THREATENING AS HE NEEDS TO BE. THE LACK OF EYES REALLY HELPS. WHAT WITH THEM BEING THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL, IT’S ONLY FITTING THAT THIS GUY DOESN’T HAVE ANY

SERIOUSLY, IT IMMEDIATELY MAKES HIM THAT MUCH MORE THREATENING IN MY BRAIN, JUST, LIKE, INSTINCTIVELY. LIKE A SLENDERMAN VIBE ALMOST

and he says All Might should enjoy this “transient peace” while he still can

holy fucking shit

I’m so fucking hyped omg. like this dude absolutely can be the final villain for the next 140 or 240 or 540 chapters, however long it takes to tell the rest of this story. he’s got it. All for One. so fucking perfect holy shit

[bakedpieceofchicken]

5am long personal vent

dont interact with this

note: this post mentions endeavor a lot.

context (very important!): I pretty much binge-read an entire tumblr user’s meta posts and I found them interesting and very informative. 

I also read through their salt tag and now I’m compelled to gather my thoughts together considering the literal title I’ve held for months now is “Hawks is a lov member already”. I’m extremely socially awkward, even on this online platform, so I’m not going to mention the aforementioned tumblr user’s name because I’m too anxiety-ridden to try to contact them. This is in no way shape or form an attack on the person’s opinions nor their character. It’s me... rambling about my thoughts about their opinions at 4 am. 

Is it defending myself? Well, not really, because I don’t feel personally attacked. Just because we have a difference of opinion doesn’t mean we have to resort to attacking each other. I found their opinions thought-provoking and wanted to pick my own brain... I picked this time purposely so nobody would see this post :eyes: so like uhm yeah

note 2: “you” refers to unnamed tumblr user. sorry about weird point of view...

anyways let’s get into the meat 

villain hawks

yay or... nay...?

Well, in fanon it would be such a fun idea to play around with. Personally I think there’s potential for League of Villain interactions with Hawks. I would LOVE to see Hawks interacting with the other pro heroes, but the only pro-to-pro interaction we get with Hawks is between Hawks and Endeavor. Because the atmosphere between the pro-heroes feels... disconnected.

Now, hear me out.

Let’s contrast it with the idealized version of hero society provided in future fics. Or hell, comparing the top ten pro heroes to Class 1-A itself. We want to think all the heroes are friendly with each other and have some sort of camaraderie with each other

But Horikoshi doesn’t present it like that. 

The closest thing to that we get is Endeavor and Hawks. Other than that, the atmosphere between hawks and the other heroes seem more strained or tense (the whole miruko hawks thing is fanon). And even then, it’s... well... Endeavor and Hawks don’t truly know each other. Hawks only knows the public perception and image of Endeavor, which is the only thing he’s been given while Endeavor doesn’t truly knows Hawks either. I’m not saying the interactions are fake, but... would Hawks be acting the way he was if he knew about Endeavor’s past?

No. I don’t have any predictor to how differently Hawks would act, but I definitely sense there’d be a lot of disappointment and loss of respect for the man he was rooting for. To what extent? Would Hawks just be in complete disbelief? Or would he react with immediate anger? There are parallels to Hawks and Todoroki Rei--both were picked from the crowd and had their lives controlled because of their “value” determined by Endeavor/The Hero Commission respectively.

But honestly from an objective standpoint, I have nothing to go off of other than the fact that Hawks deeply respects and idolizes Endeavor the most out of anyone in the manga we’ve seen and the fallout of that would be of an equally shattering magnitude...

Ahh i went off on a tangent. the point is... do we really know Hawks? Does Hawks ever get a chance to just.. be himself? Maybe we see a bit of that shine when he’s alone with Endeavor, but as we saw clearly in chapter 186 he puts on a care-free facade for his fans. But in reality... he’s always working because he’s one of the hero commission’s greatest assets. 

and... here’s where our opinions clash. I truly, in the depths of my heart, believe that Hawks is building a reality where heroes have more free time comes from a more selfish desire for himself. Don’t get me wrong--I don’t want to disservice what Hawks has done for society. But also it feels like he’s the type who overworks himself because he feels moral obligation to society when... technically he doesn’t owe anything to society. 

Yes, in superhero shows and whatnot, it’s usually a positive trait that “hey this person’s been born with an amazing power and they’ve chosen to use it for the greater good! Look what they’re sacrificing!!!” But let’s say theoretically that person decides “hey i don’t want to be a hero i just want to be a writer!” Are they morally wrong for deciding not to be a hero even though they would theoretically be good at it? Even though it’s not something they want for themselves?

Because I don’t think Hawks wants to be a hero. But he also doesn’t want people to die. He’s tied himself with these moral obligations to the point where he can’t leave now because he feels it would be selfish of him to. And that is speculation, but Horikoshi isn’t exactly spelling it out for us! So, that’s how I interpret Hawks’ character. Yes, he is a true hero in that he wants to save as many people as he can, even at the cost of his pride his dignity his fucking freedom...

but also, he never wished for that. he never asked to be one who has to deal with all of this. But now that he is, what choice does he have? 

So, yes, we agree on that. But I also feel that his personal desire plays as big of a part. Because we, as humans, naturally want things for ourselves. Our personal desire for ourselves shouldn’t be downplayed at all! That’s why I believe his inner thoughts are worded “more free time” rather than “make society more safe”. Because he has his priorities! He wants the best of both worlds-- it’s a form of negotiation. He can still play the hero and less lives would be taken but he can also having some breathing room for himself like he’s always wanted.

To free himself just a little bit from the stressful life of being a hero. 

There is nothing wrong with being motivated by personal desires. Hawks is one of the most grounded heroes we’ve seen--I think he’s cynical enough that he’s self aware of this selfish desire for a freer life. And it’s selfish to him only because he knows that it would never happen without the expense of a few lives-- lives that he knew he would never forgive himself for letting slip.

I think it’s a toxic mindset.

Because as heroic as placing others above yourself... that attitude is completely unhealthy and I don’t think it should be celebrated. What I want to see from Hawks’ natural progression as a character is recognizing that it’s okay to prioritize yourself. Hell, Midoriya learned this during the summer training arc and failed to retain that lesson during the Overhaul arc! THESE HEROES DON’T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!!! (ok i get midoriya’s trying). 

And if it’s selfish to desire more free time for yourself off from work, is it really that wrong of someone to do so? To want more control over your life? To want to do things you want to do rather than what others want you to do?

What does this have to do with villain Hawks? Well, I think a large desire for villain hawks is because it shows the departure of that mindset! Hawks doesn’t need to be confined to his hero persona anymore, he can finally do things he wants to do and be the free bird he’s always wanted to be.

But him becoming a complete villain is... far-fetched. This myself I recognize. I’ve only written villain!hawks once and that was because he snapped after the hero commission executed shigaraki and dabi as a show of power rather than going through the effort of trying to re-integrate the men back into hero society. I don’t want to go too deep because this isn’t the point I’m trying to make, but Hawks realizes how power-obsessed society is to the point where he doubts the legitimacy of the hero commission itself and what they do for society and its people.

But, again, that’s not going to ever happen in canon so I won’t bring it up another time. The point I was trying to make is yeah, you’re right that Hawks would never become a villain. He wouldn’t become a murderer- if he does, he definitely needs more incentive than what we can go off from canon.

And ohhh boy here we go, reaching the erm elephant in the room.

(These are the points made in the salt tag btw)

Is Villain!Hawks just an excuse to write hotwings? And what is the plausibility of Hawks turning to villainy? Would Endeavor being exposed as a child abuser be the trigger if Hawks were to turn villain at some point in the story?

Eh...

I don’t know if I even want to go into the whole “this is just an excuse to make hawks and dabi evil boyfriends” because I’ve never used villain!hawks as justification for that personally. And I’m actually not as attached to hotwings as I am to something like shigahawks... I don’t have any points to counteract this other than my desire to see Hawks interact with the entire league. Because it would be fun to see him interact in an environment he’s not wholly familiar with. With Endeavor or the other heroes or even the hero commission, he has some semblance of control or understanding so he thinks/acts like he knows what’s going on. 

Meanwhile, the League is a huge mess and they don’t have their shit together and wouldn’t it be funny to see Hawks as a part of their crew suffering with them!!! Well, that’s bias. My bias. For fanon. And for the jokes. So sad :(

So... I don’t just want to see more Dabi and Hawks interaction. I want to see more Hawks and League interaction. or just more hawks and anyone interactions overall. maybe thats all i crave

Actually going through the points one by one, let’s talk plausibility.

I already talked about villain!hawks being a... departure from Hawks’ faults in his own character. But it is pretty extreme, I’ll admit. If Hawks were ever to join the League of Villains, he’d probably never use killing as first resort. As we’ve seen in chapter 220, it’s not like the League targets only heroes... but i get the salt tag was made like 5 months ago so it’s not like new information hasn’t been released at the time of posting.

Reminds me of domestichobgoblins’ shigadabihawks fic where shigaraki even acknowledges “Whatever bullshit you’ve been telling Dabi, you aren’t a killer either, are you? So what, exactly, am I supposed to do with you?” And you know? The both are you are right. Hawks isn’t a killer and he wouldn’t become a killer willingly... unless he was pushed by some other greater force but I’m not here to address any of that. He could still provide support to the league in other ways, arguably, or just joining the league could be some kind of message to the heroes or supporters of hero society.

You are right to a degree. Hawks’ sole motivator to become a villain wouldn’t be because “OH ENDEAVOR IS AN ABUSER GUESS I GOTTA TURN EVIL NOW”.

Okay pushing past that, so why would Hawks be motivated to become a villain? In canon? I’ve already warped a lot of this post with my own fanon but I’m trying to keep within the realm of canon for this point specifically since you could take a second to push Hawks over the edge in fanon and be done with it. But why would Horikoshi specificially do it?

The fact is hero society sucks. A lot. And I think Hawks recognizes that fact being the most “grounded” and cynical of the bunch. His views and visions of hero society aren’t warped by fantasies and such (which is probably why he doesn’t like All Might...) so he understands what’s happening around him. He understands the mechanisms of hero society and how “valuable” quirks are viewed as in their capitalist society.

But also, he doesn’t  have that much of an option other than trying to lessen the burden placed upon him. Because he’s a single man, and even with his influence, he can’t change society. He’s powerless to do so, even considering who he is. He’s seen as a role model to those in society, but it’s because of his ranking that ironically fuels why people even look up to him: denouncing that would be kind of silly considering it’s the reason why people would listen in the first place.

And this is the point where I say... Shigaraki had a point. Hero society is flawed. It shouldn’t be so reliant on one person to carry it all.

But also hero society itself is bullshit. The ranking system? Horrible. The fact that the hero commission views them as tools for their own disposal? Horrible. The mere fact they basically bribe Hawks into becoming a hero? Like? “Hey kid you’re the best at being a hero so that’s what you should do. we’re only going to give you financial support if you become a hero so you might as well” like what is Hawks supposed to do in that sort of situation? Of course he’s going to succumb to the pressure.

I don’t believe in this whole “sacrifice for the greater good” bullshit. If Hawks wants to be a hero, that’s a whole another story, but if Hawks doesn’t, then he shouldn’t have been forced into that role. It’s about agency--it’s about letting him decide for himself if it’s what he wants to do. And it’s... a gray area for morality. “It’d be selfish for him to let people die!” Who is in the right to say whether or not he should use his “powers” for others’ sake? Me? You? The Hero commission?

So if Horikoshi goes down the path of “hey hero society is extremely bad and needs to change” and Hawks recognizes the League as a proponent for that change, then with a lot of development, it’s plausible in the future. I understand that Hawks, as of what we currently see, is too upheld by his own morals to ever even think about crossing that line, but people change. Hell, you recognized how the High End arc changed Endeavor and made miles of metas about it.

So, is it really far-fetched to say villain!Hawks is just a dream?

Maybe I’m a fool or an optimist, but I’d love to see Horikoshi take that path. Not because I’m horny for evil boyfriends, but it’d be a nice change of pace and we’d get to see a complete contrast of Hawks’ experiences. And it wouldn’t be easy-it’d had to be done right. Just like Endeavor’s redemption arc--if Horikoshi is still planning it. (Let’s be honest: High End Arc was not a formal redemption. I think it was Horikoshi letting the readers know “there might be something worth saving in Endeavor!” but i digress because i don’t care enough about endeavor (his character and redemption has 0 appeal to me and thats FINE. YOU DO YOU AND I DO ME, I only talk about him when it’s essential to talk about the influence he has on characters I DO care about).

As to why people like to characterize the moment Hawks decides to quit being a villain being attributed to Hawks learning Endeavor is an abuser...

The fallout, as mentioned earlier, could vary. A lot. Hawks really looked up to Endeavor when he was young. Again, shattering to find out something so nasty about the one you idolized.

To know that the one Hawks looked up used his wife just like how the hero commission used Hawks. Like an object or tool at their disposal. 

Would he be vengeful or spiteful towards Endeavor personally? To others, probably yes. To me? I’m kind of in the “eh” skeptical ballpark so I guess we somewhat agree on that. To me, Endeavor being exposed as an abuser would  crush that small slither of childish hope that hero society represents something bigger than themselves. Did Hawks ever get to have the childhood Deku had where he was still cheering on the heroes from behind the screen, or did it get crushed just as quickly when he realized how hero society truly works?

Because hero society isn’t bigger than themselves. It shouldn’t be idolized so heavily as it is presented in BNHA.

At least, not in its current state. And people who don’t fit in that group or agree with its ideals suffer the consequences. Like Shigaraki. Like Twice and Spinner. Like Gentle.

These are all villains that are products of society that promised to stamp out villains. And when Hawks realizes that it’s just a never ending cycle where the people left in between the cracks are the ones who perpetuate the system itself...

Like you said, Hawks sees the bigger picture. And his goal is to lessen the burden of the workload for heroes. There will never be a shortage of everyday criminals using their quirks for petty crimes but what about the bigger picture organizations? How are they going to be stopped? What about examining the root core of the problem and going from there? No more short-term solutions to problems... What can Hawks, mighty number two hero, do even at the expense of himself? Hmm... 

I don’t know, just some food for thought. Something I’ve seen done for villain!hawks is the hero commission throwing Hawks under the bus for some reason and Hawks either a) joins the league to gleam more information but finds himself willing to stay or b) has nowhere else to go and it’s more of a push for Hawks to orbit towards the League.

I am really thankful for your thoughts! Even though we don’t agree on things, I think discussion is still possible (whenever my anxiety stops bashing me in the head) and I’m always willing to accept I may be wrong about something. At this point in time (3/27/2019), we have less than 10 chapters released that centers around Hawks, but he’s certainly intrigued a lot of people considering he’s already #4 in popularity from so little chapters released! I think he and his introduction to BNHA represent the more cynical side of hero society that we haven’t been able to properly see from Deku’s perspective!

And I’m interested in what direction Horikoshi is going to take Hawks’ character in! The one thing I’m truly against is Hawks staying the “good little hero” in the end--whether he dies, becomes a villain, or hell even just stops being a hero is good enough for me. Free the bird or kill him off is what I’d want to see. That’d be enough of a character arc for me. Characters change, and it’d be silly to expect Hawks to stay the same especially since he has a lot of baggage on his shoulders and his current situation as a double agent for the League is precarious--despite him stating that he was willing to sacrifice his own reputation for the good of everyone, there’s no guarantee that he wouldn’t feel at least some degree of hurt over losing the respect of everyone and his colleagues. 

My thoughts are pretty clunky but maybe someone was able to gleam something from my stupid 5 am vent...

I love Dabihawks, even though I’m not as invested in it as say Shigahawks or ShigaDabiHawks (which I’m sure you’d definitely have objections to considering your other salt posts... but not something I want to address here), and I still think DabiHawks is a great ship more so because of the dynamic than the aesthetic. But hey, you ship what you ship, you are allowed to express your disdain for the ship--I’ve certainly expressed my own disdain for the your ship in the past--and your salt posts which probably took like 10 minutes to type out provoked me to type out my own thoughts which took like 2 hours to fully process. Like I said earlier: you do you, I do me.

And again-- I’m not trying to “defend” here nor am I trying to “attack”. I just had things I wanted to say and I hope I DON’T have the attitude of someone looking down on you, because I think you have very valid opinions and thoughts and sometimes discourse can just be healthy discussions about how we interpret different characters. We are literally squeezing everything we can out of one character we love and there’s enough room for different interpretations of the same character ^^ If anything, I actually look up to you, which is why I’m too much of a coward to send this to you because oh my god i am so embarrassed about a lot of the shit that comes out of my mouth and i constantly worry about if im saying wrong things even though im open to people telling me why  im wrong about said things. 

tdlr; villains hawks very good. has nothing to do with dabihawks. villain hawks very good on its own. I agree with tumblr user on a lot of things, yet we see differently on other things. The world keeps spinning--I think it’s more interesting to address differences in opinions rather than ignore them. 

(the person this post was meant for will probably never see this unless i send it to them to whcih im like oh my god what if they roast me to hell and back despite me claiming yes i amn ot trying to destroy them or their reputation i just want to talk about this because i had fun trying to think about why i love villain hawks so much aaaaa maybe i am just a delusional fangirl but im also a delusional fangirl who wrote multiple paragraphs about this so... /shrug)

end. again please dont interact. if you want to talk to me about it, inbox/dm me but i dont want this post to get notes. thank you. hides what have I done... 

this has been sorta meta but not really just chicken fucking around at 6 am and good night. maybe sometime in the next... month... ill have the courage to send this to the tumblr user. maybe when i have confidence... or maybe when i make mel look this over. that was a joke- she couldnt even finish my other meta piece which was shorter than this. :)

[totty-chan]

The Truth about Fhujeth vs. Chocho

This isn’t a callout post, it’s a name-clearing and fact-straightening post for @chochomatsu / @domatsu

Before I go on with this post, I’m going to say a few things for the sake of transparency. I have known (or at least known about) both Fhujeth (@totally-totty / @osomi) and Chocho within the Osomatsu-san fandom for roughly a year now. I have had my own share of negative experiences with Fhujeth over that year, not least the Totty Club issues. I met Chocho because of the Totty Club and we’ve been friends since that time. The club is not what this is about though. I just felt I needed to state my relationship with these two people to clear up any potential questions of bias towards one side.

No one in existence is 100% unbiased, one is my friend, the other isn’t. But despite completely different experiences I have tried to maintain neutrality where I possibly can. I already knew there was a past friendship and later breaking of said friendship between Fhujeth and Chocho, and that there was some drama that spilled over into the public domain after that break.

I was told last week that Fhujeth continues to vague post about the situation, suggesting she hasn’t been able to let go. I decided to approach Fhujeth to see what was going on - for the sake of a friend that I care about. Fhujeth knows that I am friends with Chocho but again, for the sake of neutrality, I asked Fhujeth why she sees Chocho as her “abuser”, and what proof there is of this. I am someone who needs proof before I believe. Fhujeth explained her position and gave me some evidence in the form of chatlog to back it up.

After Fhujeth presented her argument to me along with the evidence she had to give, I stated that I wanted to get the other side of the story by talking to Chocho about it. Fhujeth’s nature basically instantly turned more... apologetic? Certainly less fighty. I got the distinct impression she didn’t want me to approach Chocho about this - which to me rang alarm bells.

I then spoke to Chocho about the situation - a story that Chocho has been unwilling to talk about in any detail until now. The reason being that she didn’t want to relive it, hoping that it would blow over and go away. But obviously it hasn’t.

Just to note that Fhujeth (and apparently some of her friends) questioned whether I am being appropriate by mediating between her and Chocho, asking for details as I go. Later on, Fhujeth said this to me:

I try to hear both sides of a story but I also since this summer have been trying not to get too involved in other people's drama. I don't want to because I don't want to get on anyone's badside. I know this is hard to believe but like you, I am someone who sticks up for their friends and fights and often is a diplomat or mediator or a neutral party who tries to hear two sides out. I have been for my friend and someone who wants nothing to do with them who keeps harassing my friend.

My answer is that this is exactly what I am doing here. You are welcome to judge me for making this information public however you see fit.

I have been given explicit permission from Chocho to post the information beyond this point.

I asked for this permission because I feel that it is disgusting that this issue has been going on for so long, an issue affecting a good friend of mine. I am of the opinion that if Fhujeth can go around the fandom spreading chatlogs to incriminate someone, I can use chatlogs to debunk it.

The rest of this post is under a cut - it is a LONG TEXT WALL but it clears up a lot. For those without the time to read a post of this length there is a tl;dr at the end. However you will need to read the post to understand the reasons for the conclusion!

KEY FROM NOW ON:

Normal - Me (totty-chan, Sammy)

[ITALICS] - Chocho’s notes, opinions, etc.

BLOCKQUOTE - Chatlogs - Chocho is normal text, Fhujeth and others are bold

I have been assured by both sides that none of the chatlogs shown to me are edited in any way, except names where appropriate and the occasional note spliced in to better explain certain things. For Jussy, a person unfortunately involved in this, I have replaced their tumblr username with “Jussy” to protect their identity. There is private information (location, etc.) about both parties in the logs which I will replace with “---” for the sake of their privacy. Some chatlogs had images within them - these cannot be shown as they were not logged in the text files and no longer exist. I only sought permission from Chocho to show logs. Anyone who would like to see the evidence shown by Fhujeth will have to ask Fhujeth herself for it.

Both Fhujeth and Chocho mentioned that they used an IM app called “utox”. Fhujeth claimed that this app doesn’t keep logs. Chocho’s logs from this point mostly come from utox (some are from tumblr). This image is proof that logging is possible:

Commissions/Money

The first thing Fhujeth spoke to me about was regarding commissions done by Chocho for other people.

totty You want the chatlogs? I have one that was taken from when her and a friend of mine were talking after my friend found out Chocho had been pretending to be two different people and pleading as both for commissions and I have our last convo that we had before the "we're not talking anymore." That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Fhujeth gave me evidence in the form of a chatlog about the second issue mentioned here first. I’m going to cover the issue regarding begging for commissions first despite not being given “evidence” about it until a lot later in the conversation. This also involves other people and money which is why it’s the important one.

Fhujeth claimed that Chocho asked people for commissions, claiming that she “needed money for this or that reason really bad.” There was also a claim that Chocho would pretend to be both “Domatsu” and “Chocho” - two separate people - in an attempt to ask for more money from the same person. This person is a mutual friend of both Fhujeth and Chocho.

Fhujeth claimed to have proof that Domatsu and Chocho are the same person but said that Chocho admitted this anyway so it wasn’t needed.

When I asked Chocho about this, she said:

[I never asked anybody for commissions, ever. It's against my morals. I made a commissions promo post on domatsu in order to replace my dodgy old Wacom tablet that was years old, worn down and no longer supported for parts and did commissions for that, people continued to commission me after that, even though I posted when I got my tablet. That was their choice. Fhujeth saying that I squeezed Jussy for tons of money... whilst Jussy did commission me A LOT, she always came to ME asking, I never asked her (unlike Fhujeth who flat out said to me one time that she was going to go ask Jussy to commission her). I never begged Jussy and I never approached her or pressured her to commission me. She always asked first and I always made sure she was okay with the price and knew where all the pricing was coming from in the picture before she agreed to it. I thanked her for all her commissions because she really did help me.]

Chocho gave me evidence of Jussy asking for the commissions:

Jussy Hey, honey~ ^.^ hope you are well? I can't stop looking at my OsoMisha piece~ *u* and I am so happy with it~<3 I would love to commission you again X33 Jussy I will email you again~ ;) with my new idea~

Jussy BTW, when I get paid again, I was thinking of commissioning you again, but for something different ;3 * at the end of the month

Jussy Haha XDD you think you can take on another commission of mine? ;3

Jussy Eeeee, plz let him tumblr XDD and yush~ 0w0 it is <3 such great times X3 Plus, your Kara comic inspired me to commission you for an OsoMisha one X3

Jussy Soon, I'd love to commission an icon X3

Jussy I was thinking of Osomatsu and his brothers surprising Misha on her birthday on the 10th >w< Jussy as a commission

Jussy Hey, ChoCho X3 you up for me to commission you again? c:

Jussy Now I have the urge to commission Misha taking care of Osomatsu in the clothes his wearing~

Chocho also gave me this chatlog between her and Fhujeth regarding Jussy, commissions, the cost of said commissions, and asking for them.

Fhujeth: Jussy wants to pay me 35 (total) for a drawing with 3 chars (dollars) yay or nay Chocho: Fullbody or no Chocho: *? Fhujeth: full body Fhujeth: that's alot less than she was paying Chocho: I'd ask for 40 at least Fhujeth: Did my art value suddenly change Chocho: I don't think so! Chocho: Did she mean £? Fhujeth: Originally she paid 71$ for it Chocho: Or does she not know currency conversion? Chocho: What did she even say? Fhujeth: Cus I'm not sure if I should be insulted and hurt and start crying and just stop doing commissions or think she has no idea about currency conversion Chocho: I'd fall on the last one there first Fhujeth: I really hope so... Chocho: This is Jussy Fhujeth: [9:38:02 AM] Jussy: Yo~ ;3 [10:48:33 AM] Firrymatsu: Hi ^^ I am going to get this commission done fast but is is possible to be commissioned again sometime soon I just had to go to the doctor and my medication was 25 pounds ;.; [10:49:40 AM] Jussy: Okay my darling~ >w< and sure thing my honey~ ^.^ you know, I was thinking I COULD give you back the sketch you gave me, so you can finish it off and I give you 25 $ or more for it~ : 3 [10:49:54 AM] Jussy: Now you have a good idea on Hummingdoe's appearance [10:50:22 AM] Firrymatsu: dollars or pounds :o [10:50:52 AM] Jussy: Dollars ^w^ [10:51:36 AM] Firrymatsu: the one with croc, moosel, and hummingdoe? [10:52:07 AM] Jussy: That's right ^w^ [10:55:32 AM] Firrymatsu: 25 dollars is not very much @_@ [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? Fhujeth: does she even have a concept of money? Fhujeth: I'm taking into consideration the 10 she already gave me... Chocho: I haven't a clue! Fhujeth: I'm too tired for this ;.; Fhujeth: It's 3 full body characters in a style I dunno, one is a fan character with an out of style reference.... Chocho: I'd also consider that you are asking her to commission you and give her money rather than her making that decision herself to ask on her own... Fhujeth: Yeah! I am taking that into consideration. Originally this idea we planned at 70, I think 50 is fair? Fhujeth: or 45 Chocho: Ask her for that! Fhujeth: Ok! Fhujeth: [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? [10:59:41 AM] Firrymatsu: 40 @_@ then you had already paid that 10 dollars towards it, that makes it 50 - I'd normally charge 70 but since I am asking you for help I will go lower?

Fhujeth: i'll reply when i am done with this commission is reluctantly asked if they were willing to commission me again.

[See? She flat out asked/begged Jussy to commission her... and was insulted with the price Jussy was willing to pay. From what I could gather, Jussy wasn't happy with the sketch Fhujeth gave her before so wanted to commission Fhujeth for something else instead of the original pic?]

(Note, Firrymatsu = Fhujeth)

From my perspective it appears Chocho received commission requests - she didn’t go asking for them personally. There is evidence that it was in fact Fhujeth that asked for at least two commissions rather than being approached.

Also (this is just my opinion), what is wrong with commissioning under multiple aliases? Novel authors write books under different names all the time to separate styles - and make money on those separately. It happens in the music world too, songwriters often have multiple aliases or they ghostwrite for other singers or bands, making money as they go. It’s not immoral, it’s just a method of being able to separate different styles of working and still be able to keep on top of things. I do not understand why Fhujeth is using this against Chocho in an attempt to back up the “abuser” claim.

Fhujeth also said this to me regarding Chocho and Jussy:

If you see her collection you'll understand she had no NEED for money, she had a WANT for money. When Jussy found out that not only was her money going towards the same person but also not for needed things like food and health but for buying say, a full set of 45 dollar a piece matsu plush... she was not terribly happy.

I asked Chocho about this and was given this chatlog with an explanation afterwards:

Chocho: We live in a little town. =( Fhujeth: Ahhhh. Fhujeth: That makes it creepier you're so close to Jussy then. Chocho: It's not even that... it's a sub-town? Or village? I dunno. --- is the area, --- is the town... and we're in --- which is considered a part of --- overall so I guess it's a village Chocho: Yeah, we are REALLY close to Jussy Fhujeth: we don't have villages here so I have no idea how to like.... word it. Yeah it seems creepy..... like nothing on her but she is strange... part of me wonders if she is an adult... or a kid.... or an impulse buyer Fhujeth: Like nothing on your fanart I just don't see how someone can afford all that so fast like wow. Fhujeth: That's a lot of artwork of a weird fantasy. Chocho: I dunno. =T Not complaining though, it helped John with his bills this month

Chocho: I finished one of the comms for Jussy Fhujeth: Yay! Chocho: dop Chocho: =image goes here= Fhujeth: you did it!! Fhujeth: cute! Fhujeth: she will love that Chocho: Thank-you! =) Chocho: 1 down Chocho: 3 Chocho: to Chocho: go Fhujeth: are they easier ones? Chocho: Not particularly Chocho: One involves Iyami Chocho: who is a bitch to draw Chocho: And one is hypnotism-esque Fhujeth: from her? Chocho: Well, yeah Chocho: I don't take commissions from anybody but you, John, Jussy and Cathie at the moment Fhujeth: Ahh that is nice and a smart idea Chocho: I really want to help John out. @_@ Chocho: So I'm just having the money sent straight to him Fhujeth: Good idea! Fhujeth: And they have lots Fhujeth: Well, I wonder what Jussy really is she seems to be so mysterious

(And when Fhujeth says that I "didn't use the money on life but on merch instead"... that's not entirely true. I got some merch that I had ordered sent to my friend because I couldn't receive it here and it ended up being way larger than we expected, it was HUGE! If I'd have known they were THAT BIG I wouldn't have ordered them, but they were and we ended up with them. He had to send them one by one and they cost $22.50 to send EACH. He IOU'd me the money and sent them over to me since his house is not very big and they were taking up space. Then it turned out that he was short of funds for personal reasons (I'm not gonna say what because it's private), so I wanted to pay him back ASAP to help with his bills. So I was getting Jussy to send ALL the commission money she paid me directly to my friend (John) in order to pay him back for his kindness and help his bills. So yes, whilst it was not going on MY bills, it was going on my FRIEND's bills. And whilst it was TECHNICALLY going "towards merch", it was actually going towards paying my friend back for the postage it cost him to get them to me. Fhujeth knows this.)

I personally don’t see an issue with spending commission money on merch, or for that matter, anything. In any case, this issue doesn’t seem to be quite as clear-cut as Fhujeth was painting it to be. The obvious conclusion from the things Fhujeth told me would be that Chocho demanded to be commissioned due to a strong “NEED” for money, claimed that it was for “things like food and health”, only to spend it on merch. I’ve seen enough evidence to be able to say that this isn’t the case.

Chocho also gave me further logs about the commissions/money issues:

Fhujeth: I refunded her the 35 when the REALLY EVIL PART OF ME WAS LIKE, "Dude keep it dude, dude, duuude, dude, greed, dude, greed, dude."

Fhujeth: plus the 45 USD she just tossed me for (well, some stuff I paid 3 dollars for basically) Chocho: How much profit are you making off of her? Fhujeth: The camera case/bag was in a super clearance machine I think they put it in there to make it difficult to grab the iyamis and chibitas cus it was big and would catch the claw but I was like, "FUCK THAT" and got all the chibitas and iyamis around it and then pulled it out Fhujeth: and then like there was times I just bulk won tons of osomatsu keychains and she bought 2 of those Fhujeth: cus on golden week they rigged the machines to pay out super crazy easy and I spend like 300 dollars I ended up with like 8 choros and 7 jyushis Fhujeth: contacted jussy about the osomatsu cushion hehe Fhujeth: did I tell you I charged her 10 shipping and her item to ship turned out to be 180 Chocho: 180? Fhujeth: like 2 dollars

Fhujeth: "the keychain and pillow (very huggable) for 65 + shipping (and you already paid for " ya so I know what you'll do with these poor plush so I will charge 15 for the keyring and 50 for the plush juss Fhujeth: me: Well the pillow which I sell for 40 I'll sell to you for 50 and this keychain I sell for 10 I'll sell to you for 15 and I know oyu paid shipping on the other thing you bought but I'ma go ahead and ignore that and combine this all shipping so 15 shipping Fhujeth: yeah I feel bad Fhujeth: but I also am like Fhujeth: she is really Fhujeth: but I Will give her a nicer shipping i think Fhujeth: at least tracking Fhujeth: you: *terrible person* Fhujeth: you're thinking that Fhujeth: a bad person would be if I decided to not refund her that 35 dollars and see what happens x.x Chocho: I didn't say anything! =B Fhujeth: What are you thinking? Chocho: That I'm not sure if Ichimatsu looks right? XD Fhujeth: So you don't care if I charge her for things? Fhujeth: Like a lot. Chocho: Oh, I do, but it's none of my business. =B

Fhujeth: I most def do not feel bad Fhujeth: charging her Fhujeth: because she probably torments many people

[I find it amazing she says about my "collection"! Hahaha! She's shown people her collection what, countless times? She has far, far more than I do and it's not like she needs that any more than I do. XD SHE's the one who doesn't have a need for money, not me, I never inherited anything from anybody! SHE's the one who has a want for money, even though as far as I know, she has a lot already! (She also liked to horrendously overcharge Jussy for things, just because she knew Jussy wouldn't question!)

To be honest, any time Fhujeth offered me something to buy off her it was.... really unnerving... it wasn't like a friendly "Oh yeah, you can buy this if you want", it was always so... like a sharp merchant, not a friend helping another get something. She even said one time that she would only hold a piece of merch for me for "up to a year"... that put quite the unnerved feeling onto me... XD;;; And it was ALWAYS like that... we had to make sure the money was 100% EQUAL AND ACCOUNTED FOR. To be honest, it was scary. She did this with the plush she wanted me to make her too. I didn't really like buying from Fhujeth, it was stressful, but a lot of the time I felt pressured.]

Fhujeth: well, I have one Chocho: One is in 18 Fhujeth: I will sell it Fhujeth: I can hold it Chocho: Oh? =o Well... if you want to... Fhujeth: if you're up for that Fhujeth: I don't mind holding stuff for you up to a year

I’m seeing a “NEED” for money from Fhujeth here - not Chocho. There are also some very obvious nasty and insulting attacks on Jussy from Fhujeth combined with some extremely unfair financial tactics in an attempt to squeeze more money out of her.

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth involved a claim that Chocho demanded to be commissioned by Jussy to buy a new cellphone:

She threw her phone on her bed and it accidentally cracked and broke (baring in mind this was a phone her dad gave her, had no service, and she used to play games on it). She said she was gonna ask Jussy for help to her a new one. We were also talking about Timezones for another reason. If it wasn't cause the phone broke it was cause she wanted something else but I remember around that part not caring too much.

I think it was the phone.

Chocho gave me this chat between her and Jussy along with comments and chat with Fhujeth:

chochomatsu And my phone smashed yesterday tooooo Jussy B'awww, I am soooo sorry to heat that my lovely ;w; chochomatsu Not having a good time (;m;) Jussy what?? o0o nooo! Anything I can do to help? ;w; chochomatsu Yeah! (;m;) [<--- Note, this is a response to "what?? o0o nooo!", not "Anything I can do to help? ;w;] Some of the glass actually fell out... so... it's pretty much unusable now. (;_;) RIP my phone...I didn't even have it all that long... Jussy Oooh, my...you poor lass ;3; <3 can you get it fixed? chochomatsu And I can't afford to get another one either! At least I didn't use it all that often... (;w;);;; Jussy b'awww ;3; I only use my phone for calling and texting chochomatsu I think it's pretty much gone. (;_;) I don't think you can replace the screens on these... This was my first ever smart phone, I wanted one for years... and I think it lasted... a few months... not even a year! Jussy Ooooh, poopy ;3; what a shame How did it break? chochomatsu It was a really silly thing. (;_;) I went to bed last night and took it with me because I do Japanese study just before bed... I put the charger on my pillow and then gently plopped my phone on top... Jussy b'awww ;3; chochomatsu BANG Glass all over my pillow... Jussy Oooh, my..o.o Jussy goodness it happens darling, don't worry chochomatsu Yeah. (;_;) I feel really stupid... it wasn't even that hard an impact, I guess it just hit it in the wrong place Jussy aww, I am sorry dear ;3; chochomatsu I think we passed your workplace today though! Jussy Really?? 0w0 --- That's where --- is~ chochomatsu Yeah! You work at --- Bupa, right? Jussy I do :D Jussy what time?

[we talked here about completely different things for a while until we had to go, this next part is the next day]

11/23/2016 Jussy Aaaahh, Hey, ChoCho~ X3 I would like to help you get a new phone by commissioning you. I have something in mind and I would like to discuss it ^w^ chochomatsu Hiya, good morning, Jussy! <3 How are you today? And thankyou so much! (;m;) That is so sweet of you! <3 *hugs* Jussy Good morning my darling~ ^w^ I am good, a bit better from my cold >w< <3 and ya welcome, always happy to help out~ ^.^ *hugs*

[In regards to the phone, I never asked Jussy for commissions to cover replacing it. I mentioned it to Jussy because she was my friend and I was frustrated I'd just broke my phone (anybody would be I think), she approached me the next day saying she wanted to commission me to put towards getting myself a new phone, which I was absolutely greatful for. This commission I asked her to send to my BOYFRIEND instead since he'd be the one buying the phone and I wanted that money to absolutely go towards the phone. But before I could get the phone, Fhujeth lied to Jussy about me in order to put Jussy off me and cut me off from any future commissions (knowing that I only ever accepted commissions off of Jussy by that point). Since I no longer had any kind of income, I had to send the entirety of that money to John since he was a priority over a new phone. I still don't have a new phone (but luckily for me, it hasn't fallen apart yet like we expected! Since the crack is right at the button, we expected the button to fall out at any time, luckily it hasn't. I had to stop doing my kanji/kana learning because that involved drawing the kanji/kana on the screen and the sensitivity is basically shot on that part of the screen making it very hard to do anything there.).

(Also, my phone has always had service (you can see that it does, "TESCO" in the bottom corner of the photo I gave Jussy of my phone showing the damage)

It wasn't my Dad that gave it to me, it was my Boyfriend's Dad and I used it to study Japanese with apps because it was too weak to play the phone games without crashing. I tried playing Hesokuri Wars on it for a bit, but it was unreliable and crashed during game play a lot. So whilst I left it on my phone for ages, I didn't open it because it wouldn't load at all eventually (updates made it too hefty). I mostly played things like Hesokuri Wars and Tabimatsu on my PC using an emulator called Andy. It was FHUJETH's phone that didn't have service that she only used for games.]

Fhujeth: My mobile lost service... 3-4 months ago.

Chocho: My phone is too shit to run Hesokuri Wars without endless crashing

Fhujeth: we should find a chat program that works on your phone Chocho: It's like shell shock Chocho: I don't think any will, it's just not powerful enough to be any more than a call and text thing

I don’t think I really need to add to this - the proof is clear enough for me.

Fhujeth also told me this, bringing another person into the issue with Chocho and commissioning:

Cathie had her own experiences with Dexts (commissions being rushed/made poorly).

Like she'd pay 100 for a drawing that was not nearly up to par for what Domatsu usually did. That was one thing she told me

This is Chocho’s response to this claim along with logs to back it up:

Chocho: And Jussy knows I plan to finish hers when it's cooler Fhujeth: Totty: Choromatsu-Niisan is the kind of person who wears..... like... the pads on the elbos and all Chocho: It's okay if I fuck up a background, it's not okay if I fuck up paid art

[The background in this chatlog was regarding the backgrounds I used to draw for domatsus blog updates. All of the art I have ever done on commission for anybody, ever, including Fhujeth themself, was to the best of my ability at the time. I promise that completely, I have no desire to "half-arse" anything. I have no idea where Cathie got the idea that I didn't draw pictures up to par of my others at the time? I always tried my very best... =/ If Cathie said that at all, I wouldn't know! But I honestly had no idea she felt that way.]

Chocho: I don't want to cop out on the story Chocho: That's why it's pissing me off so fucking much Fhujeth: Rush it? Chocho: no Chocho: Absolutely not Chocho: Quality or bust Fhujeth: i mean it's good and i can help you make sure it's in character Chocho: I've got a good reputation I don't want to fuck it up by coughing up half arsed shit onto the blog Chocho: Yeah, it's a matter of pride, but also a matter of respect for my fans

Fhujeth: It's nice to have stuff made by friends! I liked the figure i had from my friend but i was bummed when i realized she made it shitty on purpose ;.; Chocho: did they really though? Fhujeth: I'm 99& sure. Fhujeth: %^ Chocho: i have more respect for myself than to do that Fhujeth: They're those kind of people.

chochomatsu i have far too much respect for my works to do anything less than my best i wouldn't want to crap out a shitty item chochomatsu i never like asking anybody for money

Fhujeth: Apparently I illustrated a book... and it's coming out soonish..... *halfassed all the art they accepted it and took it my mind is blown, all it is I think they changed the cover*

Doesn’t look like Chocho is the one that “halfassed” art for other people. Art is, of course, subjective... but as long as the person drawing it does so to the best of their current ability and with as much effort as they can spend on it, that’s just fine.

An extra note from me... I saw this in the logs I was given and thought it worth mentioning (because it’s just... not right).

Fhujeth: So for a picture I might charge 25 for I charge 50 for to someone who I knew made 6 figures a year and wanted --- KND operatives Chocho: I think my biggest deal is asking for money full stop

Fhujeth is charging higher prices to people who she knows to have more money. I don’t recall rich people walking into a store and having to pay more because they’re rich. This isn’t a variable income tax system.

The Plush

Still regarding commissions and money in reality, Fhujeth told me about trying to commission Chocho for a custom Matsu plush. This is part of what Fhujeth said to me:

She made a Karamatsu plush and it had messy hair, he was supposed to be from her blog. I didn't like the hair but the plush the rest of it came out great. I told her the honest truth about it. Later she made a Choromatsu plush and I LOVED IT and I kept saying how I wanted to commission her for one and she kept holding the thing I said like 4 months prior about the one's hair against me?

We were friends so I wanted to give her my honest answer when she asked what I thought. The rest of the plush was fine but the hair just looked really off on it. She made the Posing Karamatsu too which I loved as well! I really liked the pattern she made for the Choro one but a lot. A LOT of drama would constantly ensue whenever I said, "hey I wanna commission you for one."

I wasn’t at all sure what the real problem was here or why it was brought up with regards to Chocho being an “abuser”. When I asked Chocho about this one it took a long time to explain.

[Ok... this is a complex one that needs a LOT of backstory to explain... so... I can make plush, but I can't make them EASILY because I don't have a sewing or embroidery machine. Everything I do on a plush has to be done by hand using a needle and thread. That includes the face embroidery/embroidery anywhere else. This takes hours and can mess up my hands/fingers because of repeated pressure of a thin, metal stick pressing into them (also because pushing the embroidery needle through multiple layers of fabric and embroidery REALLY hurts. @_@ And you can stab yourself all too easily. I don't like doing it really so try to avoid it and don't take any commissions unless they are specifically for friends. Fhu knew about the faces and embroidery, so she knew it was a hard and painful activity before she even started pressing for a Totty plush later on.]

Chocho: I have a question Fhujeth: sure :3 Chocho: If I were to make Karamatsu plush, should I make it chibi like the official ones or proportional Fhujeth: that would depend on if you want it to be proportional or chibi :O Fhujeth: why not both Chocho: Because it takes a long time to hand embroider the faces. XD Chocho: And I'm limited on fabric. =( Fhujeth: you hand embroider? wooow Chocho: Yeah! Fhujeth: woow that looks like it would take forever Chocho: It does. @_@ Chocho: And it hurts. XD Fhujeth: that is some dedication Chocho: It's the only way I can do it. =( Chocho: Which is why I only do plush commissions for friends. XD Fhujeth: well, otherwise it'd be a lot

[Eventually, I felt like Fhujeth was a close enough friend to me for me to want to make her a plush. So I offered that I could potentially trade some merch for a small, custom demon Todomatsu plush. I was instantly made uneasy by how it all became about "how much are you going to charge me?". What was simply a "maybe you'd like something made by a friend?" had suddenly turned into a hyper-serious TRANSACTION. I was basically put on the spot to give a price for something that I hadn't even planned yet, I wasn't even suggesting actual money, just a merch trade. That felt like pressure and I was a bit unnerved, but I shook it off.]

Chocho: Hey.. I have an idea/proposition Fhujeth: Go oooooon :O Chocho: Would you be willing to take payment for some thing in the form of a tiny demon Totty plush? Chocho: *some things Fhujeth: :O payment for like what, and PROBABLY x3 just what I have here or? like the kara head/buttons? Since I think we're about even on the auction lot Chocho: I think we're about even on the auction, yeah! =D And I dunno, yeah, the merch you get in Japan I guess, yes! XD Chocho: I'm not sure how big he'd be since things always come out bigger than I expect... Chocho: But he'd be custom cos he'd be demon Totty Fhujeth: i'll be buying more blind bags of stuff :O so I can just keep you updated. Yeah @-@ Chocho: I'd have to make a new pattern. XD I can't use Karamatsu's because he is MASSIVE Chocho: Okay! =D Chocho: How much would you be willing to pay for the plush anyways? @.@ If he came out to be about 12-15cm? Fhujeth: What are you charging o_o Chocho: I was gonna make him keychain sized? But I just know he'll end up bigger. B/ Chocho: I dunno because I've never really done it before. Chocho: Well, I've made things for John on commission but yeah Chocho: I know the cost of fabrics and time and pain Fhujeth: Like, how many hours would it HYPOTHETICALLY TAKE Chocho: But that doesn't line up to what people expect to pay so Chocho: Well Chocho: How long do patterns take. =_= Hmm... a few hours Chocho: Making plush can take... over a week Chocho: (It's usually way longer to be honest, but they're usually bigger( Fhujeth: I'm not sure o_o I'd like it but my budget is only as big as what I have ATM. Kara head is 35 + the buttons is 9 (minus one from the doodle just now) Chocho: Watch him end up being half the size of Karamatsu instead of 12-15cm Chocho: We can wait and see! Fhujeth: And as I get more stuff I'll figure things out o_o I'm bad with plush prices. Chocho: It was just an idea. XD Fhujeth: I am interested! And yeah! Fhujeth: If you can give me a number it'd be better!! and you should put a dog squaeky inside it o_O so it makes some sound, if you can, I think you can get that from like... a cheap store and take out of dog toy.... ?? which I can pay for? AHHHH, let's wait till I figure things out but assume right now we're at 42 dollars or something Chocho: Hahaha! XD That's a good idea on the squeaker! Chocho: Yeah, we'll keep it in mind! =D Chocho: (Also gotta remember the face embroidery) Fhujeth: Yeah x.,x Chocho: I wish I had a machine for that. =(

[The idea of the plush stuck around though]

Chocho: I'm really concerned about this plush Fhujeth: Aww don't worry about it too much. Fhujeth: I am not that picky if love is involved. Chocho: Yeah, but you don't want him to be hideous Chocho: I also worry about the quality of the embroidery Chocho: Because I'm not a machine Fhujeth: oh I am not picky on that I will know it is hand made. as long as it wont fall apart. Chocho: It shouldn't fall apart Chocho: But it might be ugly Fhujeth: I got a sculpture from sone, I showed them the example of what I wanted, I showed them a turn around, the got the proportions all wrong Fhujeth: you wont be that bad. Fhujeth: I still kept the loved the sculture Fhujeth: scupture Chocho: Kept the sculpture? Fhujeth: I kept it and loved it^ Chocho: What sculpture? Fhujeth: it was of my knd oc Fhujeth: i commissioned her because i thought she'd do really good Chocho: Was it not so good then? =< Fhujeth: i was disappointed greatly Fhujeth: but said nothing Chocho: Aww.. =( Chocho: I'm sorry about that Chocho: That's what I'm worried about

Fhujeth: I've commissioned some original stuff of my characters and came out really bad, in fact one I think got made bad on purpose.... Fhujeth: But I loved it anyways until one day the head came off because they didn't bake it enough... like the wire just split through the head >< I wanted them to fix it but I moved by then so it's at my dads so it wouldn't break more Fhujeth: And I'll be honest on a technical level and for that person's skill it was atrocious and when I first saw it I felt kind of bothered... Fhujeth: But I thought maybe it wasn't like that on purpose and they did it the best they could so I put it with all my other stuff of that OC

There was a weird situation building up here from what I could tell. Fhujeth wanted a quality plush which is fair enough, and Chocho doubted her ability to match the requirements. Fhujeth saying that they’ve commissioned other people and been disappointed with the result in the past was obviously furthering the doubt from Chocho that the requirements could be fulfilled. Claiming that a past commission had been done badly on purpose was, to me, a step too far. There doesn’t seem to be any proof of that here and presenting that thought to Chocho inevitably heightened the concern about being able to satisfy Fhujeth even further. I know for sure that if someone commissioned me for anything creative and was mentioning past commissions in this sense I would lose all confidence in my ability.

[The concept of a "demon Totty" plush had become a thing and was on our er.... list of things I owe in trade for merch? No merch traded hands though, I liked to pay for them first... but Fhujeth would "put things aside" on the "plush list", though not everything applied. In any case, I eventually decided to try and make a small Karamatsu plush as a test, since Fhujeth didn't like the risk of me making her a plush without seeing the pattern first. I was a little unsure about him, his hoodie kind of pinched his neck because I'd made the opening too small and his hair was VERY fluffy because of the fur I'd used for it. I felt concerned about him, especially since Fhujeth had now set this very high bar in my mind, what with being so money concerned, telling me about how she was certain her friend intentionally made her a bad commission sculpture to spite her and that she was VERY disappointed in the result, but didn't say anything... also with the idea that she didn't want to risk me making it without proving she'd like the pattern first.]

Chocho: Progress Fhujeth: aww that looks adorable! Chocho: NOT WHEN HE HAS A HEAD Chocho: I just placed it there Chocho: I used the long pile fur so it would NOT be that messy if I had used the minky Chocho: OH WELL Chocho: Whatever Chocho: I'm only finishing this really because it'd be a waste of embroidery otherwise. XD Fhujeth: give him bandages Fhujeth: have big Kara care for poor injured baby scruffy kara Chocho: It this particular one worth the effort? Chocho: "He looks retarded because he fell off the roof" Fhujeth: xDDDD Chocho: I guess he's not THAT bad Chocho: but eh Chocho: I don't think he's worth $ Chocho: maybe if the hair was shorter fur but I dunno, can't really tell that because it's not Fhujeth: haircut? Chocho: Nah Chocho: Because once it's cut it can't come back Chocho: And if I fuck it up that's it fucked up further for good! Chocho: But yeah, I don't think I can make you a Totty. @_@ I'm sorry Fhujeth: it is ok ^-^ Chocho: I didn't think you'd like it! XD Fhujeth: you don't seem confident :3 Fhujeth: so it is ok! Chocho: You don't seem to like how he looks anyway though. XD Fhujeth: it's hard to tell with the hair tbh Chocho: It's overall pretty shitty, huh? Fhujeth: Nooo! Fhujeth: The body for sure looks great Chocho: But the most important part is the head Fhujeth: the face is good too! Fhujeth: but the hair is very... wild Chocho: Really? I thought the face looked bad... Well yeah, I used craft fur, minky is like what you have on the keychain plush Chocho: Look at the length on big Karamatsu compared to little here Fhujeth: yeah! that is a hugeee difference Chocho: Yeah

[The small Karamatsu plush's hair kept coming up, even though I had explained that I used a different fur than what I would use for hers....]

Chocho: Be honest, do you want a chibi body like the keychain plush, or a to scale one Fhujeth: whichever you as the artist want. What do you personally thing might look better Chocho: The body pattern I have looks more to scale Fhujeth: I do like the chibi body but a real body, if it translates well, the bunny I got, did you see how it is... Fhujeth: it's like 2.5 heads tall Fhujeth: how is that like... that is ok too... Fhujeth: 3 heads tall Fhujeth: ok Fhujeth: 2 heads ehh Chocho: XD Chocho: I dunno Fhujeth: I like the height of the karamatsu plush but yeah his head (and hair) bugged me Fhujeth: we talk little the big one is fine Chocho: Well, I told you that his hair was not the same fabric. =P Fhujeth: yeah! Chocho: I used craft fur, not minky, cos I wanted it messy Chocho: But yeah, seriously though, no promises Chocho: I've seen a ton of cute plush and I don't think I'm cut out for it Chocho: To be honest, I knew you didn't like it as soon as you said you didn't know if you wanted to trade for it yet Fhujeth: brb my mom got me Chocho: Ok! Chocho: I think for now, it's best to assume I won't be able to do this, ok? The plush. Chocho: To be honest, to make one to the proportions of cute bunny Totty would involve me remaking the pattern all over again, not just the head. And that involves making the clothes patterns again too. It's a lot of effort that to be honest I don't think I'm willing to put in. Chocho: The effort and time to make ANOTHER pattern (especially if it just fails again), considering that I've already made 2 Matsu patterns already, not that one of them was with Totty in mind, but nonetheless... if more time, effort and stress than I think you'd be willing to trade for Chocho: *is Fhujeth: oh the bunny totty is bleg Fhujeth: I like your big karamatsu Fhujeth: bug maybe half the size Fhujeth: but^ Chocho: That would still be making a whole new pattern. u_u And I thought the Bunny Totty was really nice. =( Fhujeth: not just a resize Chocho: The way that big Karamatsu's head is done makes it hard to resize. =( Chocho: Besiiiides Chocho: I'm sure you wouldn't like the nasty darts I had to put in to make his hair work... Chocho: Also, his head flops cos it's heavy, you don't want it Chocho: It's too hot to work on anything plush now anyway. Because I don't have a machine, all the sweat that the hot, muggy weather causes will soak right into the fabric. Which is disgusting. So I avoid it... I also think if I had a machine that would do the face for me in a matter of minutes, it wouldn't be a problem... but I don't.. so every failure is a lot of wasted time and pain and suffering. All in all... I don't think I could make you something you wouldn't be disappointed with. =( Chocho: And not because I think you would rip into it, but because I don't think I have the skills Chocho: Anyways, I better get to bed! G'night! I'll catch you tomorrow! Fhujeth: nooo Fhujeth: i haD TO EAY Fhujeth: eat Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: to when I came back Fhujeth: i was gonna confess eerything to you Chocho: Confess? Chocho: I only send the message a minute ago. XD Fhujeth: AHH YOU ARE HERE MY FRIEND <3 Fhujeth: Yeah but a minute, less than you can walk away Chocho: But really, I do need to go after I've taken my meds, Kirk has to get up early Fhujeth: I love you, I am glad I met you. before we fuss, let me clarify things hsould we get into an argument Chocho: It's probably best we do this tomorrow so I can sleep. XD;;; Fhujeth: please, when we end a day in a huff and you show up not the next day it hurts so bad Chocho: As in, if it takes a negative turn, I can never sleep and Kirk's health tomorrow depends on me sleeping Fhujeth: Affirmative, be well, sleep well. Fhujeth: It was more detailed, that was a summary. Chocho: I didn't think we were arguing or having a huff today. '3' Fhujeth: not today! just anytime~ Fhujeth: like the other day Chocho: I was just expressing that I don't think I'm fit for purpose!

Which way round is this? Fhujeth claimed to me that Chocho was the one that brought up the hair thing and held it against Fhujeth. These chatlogs suggest it’s the other way around; Fhujeth really didn’t like whatever had been done with this other plush’s hair and was holding it over Chocho’s head whenever the idea of the Totty plush commission was discussed.

[I started to pay off the stuff we had on the "Totty plush list" from what I remember, since my first attempt had been not good enough. Fhujeth still wanted a Totty Plush though so that was still in the air. Then there was a set of limited edition... uhhh... lottery official plush I think it was? Of the Matsus in the "I <3 Toto" outfits released. I managed to get the Choro through my friend in Japan and I wanted the Kara (of course) but he was nowhere to be seen. Eventually one popped up on Yahoo Auctions!, but he was expensive, I couldn't afford him. Fhujeth mentioned she wanted it, but would feel bad if she got it (and I didn't), so I figured I'd offer, if she was willing to grab the plush and hold it, I could trade it for the Totty plush (if I could do it to her standards), otherwise she could keep the plush for herself without guilt, or sell the plush off for profit or something since it's limited edition and the value will only go up. She didn't want to "RISK" it, which made me incredibly upset since she, by this point, had repeatedly insisted/hinted that I wouldn't do a job good enough for her to accept and it was getting quite insulting. Why did she keep saying these things, yet keep asking for the plush? =/;]

Chocho: I really want that but it's out of my reach Fhujeth: I like it but I'd feel bad if I got it Chocho: Would you trade me it for a demon Totty plush? Fhujeth: You mean like I buy it, keep it in the package and all and if you design a plush I like we trade or is it I buy it expecting we trade? Because in one regard that is alot of pressure because One I see done, already, the other I don't... so... and then if you make it and there is some issue then I'll feel so bad and obligated to say yes anyways. Like what are you thinking o.x Fhujeth: I mean Fhujeth: what are you thinking/what is your idea Chocho: Yeah. I'd trade you that Karamatsu straight for a demon Totty plush and we would make sure it's a pattern you like. Chocho: Nah, never mind, it was just a thought Fhujeth: Isn't that a lot of work for a plush like that? Chocho: It is Fhujeth: I'm willing to take the risk I guess... I hate calling it a risk but... In the end I guess my biggest fear is you present me with something and I dislike it and then we end in a problem. I'm not picky but my last few non-drawn commissions from people have been all crap. Fhujeth: Not saying you'd do that! Fhujeth: I'm just saying it's like I pay for something and it breaks. Fhujeth: Not that a plush can break, and yours look like good quality. Chocho: You think my plush would fall apart? Chocho: If you think it's too much of a risk don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No, no. Fhujeth: Do you prefer me not expressing just my thoughts outloud? Chocho: I think it's kind of insulting you think that doing a trade with me is a huge risk and you'll probably get something you'll hate... Chocho: But it's fine, don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No that's not my concern! See now I feel guilty ^^;; Chocho: I'd prefer not to do all the work of making a pattern and plush and the face embroidery for one plush anyway Fhujeth: I'll do the trade if that is what you want to do. Chocho: Because it IS a lot of work, effort and, since you seem to think I'd fuck up, heartache for a $55 plush +fees and postage Fhujeth: It's not that I don't trust you I just always jump to the worst conclusions. Fhujeth: Chances are the plush is going to be super cute and awesome. Chocho: I don't really want to make a plush for somebody who thinks I'm going to churn out junk... that is WAY too much pressure Fhujeth: I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me.... Fhujeth: ..but maybe I am misreading it. Chocho: Not really, I just feel hurt that every time I mention making a plush you make it sound like I'm going to make an ugly piece of crap Chocho: You are the only one who has ever repeatedly made me feel like I churn out shit plush... Fhujeth: I really want a plush from you! Fhujeth: I'm just really nervous to buy plush, always. Chocho: I don't want to make a plush for you because you don't trust I can do it Chocho: It's fine, I don't need to spend another $55+ anyway really!! Chocho: And plush take weeks Fhujeth: I do really want a plush from you. Fhujeth; I am patient and in no rush. Chocho: What if I can't make something you like? Fhujeth: You'll make something I like. I'm sorry for instilling fear in you. Chocho: Would you sell it to me in commissions of other kinds or for tutoring/red lining/whatever as long as it's not something I can't teach? Chocho: Or would you just keep it you think? Fhujeth: I want a demon totty plush or I'll keep him, probably... unless there is more art I need i the future. Just take your time. I'm sure whatever you do will be great. I didn't mean to make you feel scared or pressured. I'm just scared of things but yeah...

Wait... what? Fhujeth says here “I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me....” but this whole chatlog continues to read like Fhujeth is almost threatening Chocho that they must get things right if the work is to go ahead. It’s plenty obvious that Fhujeth really wanted a custom plush from Chocho... but at the same time injecting incredible levels of fear and doubt about whether she trusted Chocho to do a good job. I don’t really know why this was the case but I know for sure that if I was in this situation I’d simply say “No, sorry, I can’t do this for you” and refuse the job. Fhujeth obviously couldn’t take this for an answer, though.

[A little while later, I offered to pay off the Karamatsu plush straight and not trade him for the plush so that Fhujeth could have the money since she needed the funds. Fhujeth still wanted the plush though, even though I wasn't sure if I could do it, so it continued...]

Fhujeth: Hey Chocho: Hi! Chocho: I have a proposal for you... Chocho: How much was the postage to get Totty and Kara idols to you? Fhujeth: For both? Well I put them in with some other stuff remember? Chocho: What would be my percentage of it? Fhujeth: Well just the Kara right? o.o Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: Let me look ;o Chocho: OK! Fhujeth: sorry if eel reallyyy shitty Fhujeth: if you saw my tumblr messages Fhujeth: my mom poisoned me Fhujeth: in short so you don't have to read Chocho: I did and that's why I'm asking this Fhujeth: Okay so he alone was 5500 + Buyee fee 150 + Yahoo Fee 200 + Domest Shiiping Fhujeth: not going to charge for consolidation Fhujeth: it was 3700 yen for all 5 items to be shipped....... the 700 is fine I'll do the other 3000 of that Fhujeth: 5500+ 350 + 1112+ 700 Chocho: Ok! Would you be willing to post him to Kaji too? Fhujeth: Yeah, when I get that other Karamatsu eventually. Chocho: If so, I'll pay you for him flat out (if I can afford to after I've paid Kazuki) so that you can put that money towards getting away from that mother that's trying to kill you. $75.57 he comes to Fhujeth: No, no, no. I want the plush from you. Chocho: We can do the plush later, you need the money more right now

[Eventually I tried again at a pattern, this time a little bigger in a rag doll style with floppy limbs. When I started making the pattern I was already on edge because of the high feeling of pressure, especially since I never know if a pattern is going to work when I first make it. When I had actually put him together, I was really quite disappointed. I felt that I had messed up his body, it was too much like a cylinder and I felt I hadn't tapered him enough to his shoulders so he looked boxy. His eyes also came out wonky (one iris/pupil a little higher than the other...) which I had no idea how had happened since it was straight in the hoop as far as I was aware. I was just incapable of seeing the plush in a good light, I felt like I hadn't hit the standard I was desperately hoping for and I felt the plush was a failure.]

Chocho: he's also naked because i don't have his clothes fabric yet Chocho: yeah i did, but he hasn't turned up in the house yet Fhujeth: Can I see nakey choro? Chocho: i'd rather not... it's... really bad Fhujeth: *it's cool if not* Fhujeth: That's fine! Chocho: i'm just going to make him my hug buddy Fhujeth: I'm sure he's not that bad! Fhujeth: I have Present Jyushi and the one time he showed up I did not be there to pet him Chocho: you thought little karamatsu was bad, this one's not much better Chocho: which sucks because it wasn't easy to make Fhujeth: I did notthink he was bad o.o Chocho: you said you didn't like him, especially his face [<- this here, unless I missed one of the logs, was a mistake on my part. Unless Fhujeth restated at some point that his face was bad too, but I don't remember specifically] Fhujeth: I think the hair through it off for me Chocho: i used craft fur on that one instead of minky Chocho: i did say that... Chocho: craft fur is lower quality and longer pile, but i wanted it to be messy Fhujeth: Yeah, but it made an illusion for me! I think if I saw him in person it'd be different for sure! I am sure it looks great (Choro)

[In the end, after I broke away from Fhujeth and gave my Chocho some clothes, I ended up falling in love with him. The clothes nicely hid the fact that his torso is a tube... XD;;; And I don't notice the eyes now, even though I know they're dorpy. I also don't have that whole pressure over my head to perform any more... So yeah.... this entire thing went WAY past the whole messy hair plush thing... it was the constant being threatened that I better do a good job and the whole air that commissioning/trading me a plush was a "risk" to her and her high set standards etc. had left me feeling hypercritical of all my attempts and feeling at a complete loss. She brought up the hair repeatedly in regards to that one, small, plush. But there were other factors too that made me absolutely want to back out, but I felt too scared to say "sorry, no... I'm not going to make this" because it had gone on so long.]

It’s definitely Fhujeth that brought up the hair issue on multiple occasions, despite using this as part of the “abuser” argument in my conversation with her. There is some context here I’m not 100% sure of but it’s more than obvious that there was a lot of injected pressure from Fhujeth regarding this commission over a period of time. There is no reason for me to believe that this was Chocho being abusive in any way.

The Fat/Slob-love situation

In my conversation with Fhujeth, the subject turned to a claim that Chocho had a thing for “slobbing up characters” which made Fhujeth uncomfortable. This is what was said to me by Fhujeth:

I lost a lot of faith and trust in having close friends because of the way they would make me feel bad if I didn't do something for them or if I mentioned that some of what they drew made me uncomfortable. (example; the drawing in reference to that chat was uhh, Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob)."

"It was more that that was all she drew. I draw some weird stuff but it's never consistent. As you can tell she has some sorta thing for slobbing up characters based on our roleplays and private interactions and literally most of Domatsu and Chochomatsu blogs being.... slob. Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

This again had me confused... I couldn’t see where the “abuse” actually came into this. I mean, fair enough, some people find certain things uncomfortable and if that is stated to the person they believe to be making them uneasy with certain types of content, they should speak up and let them know - especially if it is in a one-to-one conversation between friends.

I obviously asked Chocho about this situation and this is the explanation I got:

[See, the fat thing is funny because it was FHUJETH that kept bringing it up. We'd be talking about something completely different, or roleplaying normally and she'd bring the subject in. She KNEW I didn't like it, I said multiple times that it made me uncomfortable, but she just wouldn't stop. I kind of wondered if she was trying to push "desensitisation" of something I don't like on me. And that bit where she said that picture of Choromatsu made her uncomfortable? That's funny too because she sent me this in one of her post-parting ways e-mails;

"There is a common reoccurring theme with your art that screams "slob love" the baggy eyes, messy hair, beer belly/guy, five o'clock shadow. It's okay to like that and I never thought it was gross even though I was well aware you were into that way before we stopped being friends. I never judged you for that because I mean, I'm a fetish artist, lol."

Also, it wasn't ME who drew obese Matsus... that was Fhujeth, I still have some pics she sent me, here.]

For the record, the image Fhujeth was referring to (”Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob”) is this one:

That, to me... isn’t what it was dramatized to be. Dad bod, anyone? “gut hanging out”? Er, nah... if that picture makes Choromatsu out to be a fat slob I really need to sort my life out!! And that arm chair isn't green...(??)

Also, salarymatsu.tumblr.com is publicly visible and the reference for his hair was from canon material (kun).

This is the Osomatsu-kun reference Chocho used for the hair:

It was Ichimatsu with the messy hair (the one with the glasses, last panel)... but this is real canon stuff about the Matsus being 30 years older than their kun age. It’s a bit of a running joke in the series that Choromatsu becomes bald but there’s absolutely nothing here to suggest a “slob” kink.

[Also, she was ALWAYS talking about fetishes. So, so often, more so than anybody I have ever met before. EVERYTHING was(/is?) a fetish to her!]

Fhujeth: The only cartoon network shows that I can argue had any kink content in them was Uncle Grandpa and Kids Next Door and the latter the director told me it didn't.

Fhujeth: Tuttle I think he gets depression after his wife dies and becomes a blob... I really like that video. XD Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;; Fhujeth: Anyways yes I wanted to share that with you since we talk of kinks a lot and that song is one of my favourite things seth macfarlane's done Chocho: It's not like I choose to talk about kinks! XD Fhujeth: But we do!

Fhujeth: How... how close to "stuffing" should I get before too much is too much because I am not very good at drawing the line between kink and not kink because I have done kink artwork and am 100% desensitized to it

[Another interesting piece of chatlog from Fhujeth is...;]

Fhujeth: I like stupid drunk losers tht are slobs

Fhujeth: Ahh ok! But I like fat slob loser characters a lot, idk why they appeal to me greatly... especially ones that are unaware of how lame they are

Wait... you what?? Fhujeth was blaming Chocho for being into this as a kink and using it in her argument as to why Chocho was an abuser. This is evidence that it was in fact THE OTHER WAY ROUND and the accusation is blatant projection. I don’t get it - why use this as an argument when it’s an obvious lie?? Like I said earlier, if something makes someone uncomfortable, they should speak up. But as proven in the chatlogs it was in fact Fhujeth that liked “fat slob loser characters a lot” or “stupid drunk losers that are slobs”.

There was a LOT more chatlog suggesting Fhujeth liked to bring up fat in random conversations that were, in general, unrelated.

Chocho: Why does Karamatsu go around with his arms crossed in those clothes Chocho: Only in those Chocho: There seems to be no reason Fhujeth: Karamatsu: *feels fat* Totty: OF ALL THE CLOTHES*

Fhujeth: originally a black and white character, is just a fat pig now Fhujeth: Btw this show if you never saw it is brilliant Chocho: Ichimatsu: Actually Todomatsu then Fhujeth: Totty: :// IIRC: She is even depicted as super fat and can't fit into things and like eats an entire car. I feel like there was an episode she gets stuck somewhere from being so fat and she can't get outside to a food mobile that comes every rare time. Chocho: She doesn't look that fat! XD; Fhujeth: They change it for the show, it's very.... cartoonish Chocho: Ahhh okay! Fhujeth: Like, at certain times they make her fatter

Fhujeth:XDD Totty: I'l commission you - Draw Karamatsu really fat and ugly.... and then make his head normal... you know Chocho: XD Fhujeth: Totty, wait, he already is like that Chocho: Karamatsu: ... 8( Totty!

Fhujeth: dayon has a big head. Chocho: XD Chocho: yes Chocho: DAYOOOOOOOOON Fhujeth: and on a perspective level that person is tall Fhujeth: and the one in green is tall Chocho: Yes. XD Chocho: Well, I still think the Matsus are short Fhujeth: they were tall as kids Fhujeth: at least in 66 kun Fhujeth: xD they look like giants Chocho: I love that bit before that though, where they call Karamatsu an idiot and he's all hurt Chocho: XD Chocho: Yeah, but in 66 kun they change height all the time. XD; Fhujeth: "I'm not an idiot" :( Chocho: Karamatsu: *wiggly mouth* Fhujeth: i bought those tickets because i care Chocho: And all the merch. XD Chocho: .... something weird goes on with his body here.. Chocho: ???? Fhujeth: Totty: It's the fat inside him Chocho: XD Chocho: It just couldn't take being called an idiot Fhujeth: THE FUCK DID HE SAY JUST NOW Chocho: XD Chocho: "How so"????

Fhujeth: Totty: Hah, if Choromatsu Niisan wants to do that then I'll go to his stinky idol club and make a fool of himself in front of nyaachan. Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: Yeah, exactly Chocho: Feel free to get Totty to get Chocho's dick out in front of Nyaa-chan Chocho: And do whatever with it! Fhujeth: So he sneaks back stage using his "Totty Charisma Charm" and makes a fool of himself. OK! Yeah! This is fun :D Chocho: That doesn't involve a knife or irreperable damage, hahaha Yeah Fhujeth: it was an ideaaaaa ;.; Chocho: Totty can do things like join Nyaachan and idol fansites and post dick pics and nudes Chocho: No no, I mean, you can do dick things. XD Chocho: Just not involving knives Fhujeth: Totty: I AM CHOROMATSU MATSUNO I AM A REAL FAT OTAKU WITH NO PRIDE. I HAVE TWELVE BROTHERS SO IF YOU SEE A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE ME ITS TOTALLY NOT ME BECAUSE I AM GROSS AND NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE EXCEPT TO GO TO IDOL SHOWS :>

[This particular chatlog was about a "bodyswap" event we were going to do between Chochomatsu and Totally-Totty where the two (in each others bodies) go off to try and ruin each other's reputation.]

Chocho: Choromatsu's muttering that he'd like some boobies wrapped around him Chocho: Preferably belonging to Totoko and Nyaa-chan Chocho: Because he's scared of everybody else Fhujeth: Kara's man boobs Fhujeth: jk Chocho: I think that's something that people don't tend to realise with these guys... Or at least Karamatsu, Choromatsu and Ichimatsu... Chocho: They're virgins... they're nerds and they're (deep down) introverted... they're scared of girls.. they're gagging for it, but they don't know what they're doing and it's been so long that when a girl DOES approach them, they panic Chocho: Jyushimatsu's too 8D to be bothered by it I think... Totty's practised with being around girls and Osomatsu is just... XD Chocho: But the other 3 don't have a clue what they're doing Chocho: Karamatsu acts like he's this hot piece of meat, but as soon as he actually potentially gets a date

["Kara's man boobs" was, of course, not in regards to ANYTHING we had been talking about. I ignored it.]

Chocho: Besides how weird that is Chocho: Lice prefer clean hair. Apparently. Not that Ichimatsu's hair wouldn't be clean, it's not even that messy Fhujeth: what a werid ask Chocho: Right? Chocho: *picks nose* Fhujeth: xD Fhujeth: ughhh Fhujeth: Totty: Ok, when I say Kara is fat he's not Chubby. -.- Chocho: Ichimatsu: What's the difference Fhujeth: Totty: He's.... fat... *does motion like pregnant*

[The "weird ask" "lice" part was in regards to an ask Chocho got mentioning about how anon was concerned that Ichimatsu would have lice because of his hair. I answered that one fairly close to the end of when I was interested in working on the blog if you really want to see it. The fat comment wasn't in regards to anything that we had been talking about.]

Chocho: This is actually a redraw of something from 2002/3 Fhujeth: Are those all saying he needs to lose weight? Chocho: No. XD Fhujeth: Oh

Fhujeth: Yeah! "Karamatsu Tax" Totty: He's so fat he has to be charged mroe to be drawn.

[This was in a conversation about somebody young who wanted to commission me, but had no money, who had been passed my details by somebody who had no idea that they couldn't afford to commission anybody. I had a waiting list for domatsu commissions at that point, so I couldn't warrant doing anybody artwork for free in that style (I didn't even have time to draw art for myself!) but the person wasn't taking no for an answer. Just before going to pressure the person who gave the young person a recommendation to come to me, Fhujeth said this. I won't share the rest of the log, because it has details (names/urls) about the young person and the person who pointed them in my direction. It was a misunderstanding from their part, so it's not fair to and I won't put them on the spot. This just had nothing to do with the subject.]

Chocho: ah, they're around Fhujeth: AHH Fhujeth: I'll try to see if choromatsu becomes available Fhujeth: i need Fhujeth: tots Chocho: ded Fhujeth: No sign of Pink Legless man yet! The only way he could lose that weight was cutting it off :( Chocho: who totty? Chocho: i take it the idea of that machine is to push kara off the platform? Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: however that is don Chocho: e Fhujeth: just.... poke at hit until his fatass falls off... probablly.... seeing if you can scoop it otherwise just start at one end and try to push it in one direction then flip to the other end x.x it looks money consuming Chocho: there is only one claw Fhujeth: Yeah I mean by one side being his butt and then head Chocho: i see Chocho: i don't care for that one anyway, i only want choros

[This was about that online crane game you can win real prizes from, Toreba I think? Fhujeth was talking about the available prizes and how to win them.]

Chocho: choro's the rude one? Fhujeth: XD No. Totty knows he was wrong, he feels really bad. I think he'll get flung back and remain there like, "X.x" and then when he comes to try to "make it up" to his big brother whether it be getting in the way or mentioning that his brother has some issues with his shirt Fhujeth: or fat

[wait what]

What indeed... why is fat being randomly brought up as a subject in the middle of conversations so much if Fhujeth knew Chocho didn’t like it? If I know one of my friends doesn’t like something I don’t try to constantly push it in their face. This, to me, is an example of abuse in the opposite direction to what Fhujeth is claiming.

Fhujeth: My mom LOVES to watch the fat people shows like about the people so fat that they are like nothing but blobs and then they lose the weight

Fhujeth: Totty: EHHH? *huff* I.... I don't care either. Fhujeth: TottY: I DON'T CARE! (almost wrote cake) Chocho: chocho: sure! Fhujeth: Totty: To prove I don't care I will wear this fatsuit. Chocho: chocho: go on then Chocho: chocho: post photos of you in it to twitter too

Fhujeth: Jyushimatsurepliez took the leaf off Totty and now Totty is a Tanuki I'ma draw him kinda fat but not with big balls Fhujeth: But fat animals are not gross like people

Fhujeth: Finally Totty is fat xD

[By the last month this was what MOST of the conversations were about, it always went back to fat, not because I wanted it to. Where my text is lower case, it's because I was fucking done, I was so sick of this topic, the only way I could bounce it back was using humour.]

I would be fucking done by this point too. If someone I thought was a friend was constantly throwing a subject I didn’t like at me, despite me saying I didn’t like it and I don’t want to talk about it, I’d be seriously pissed off.

Fhujeth: I really like Choro! Actually that was one I paid for too today was the idol choro mascot plush, I wonder if he'll be fat Fhujeth: I'll get him in a few days! Fhujeth: And hopefully he'll... be skinny. Fhujeth: but if he is fat he is ffat Fhujeth: Then we know. Fhujeth: But if he is skinny then you were blessed. Chocho: "blessed"

[This was out of nowhere too. For context with that plush, I ordered a Choromatsu from the second set of the first plush (I think?) that were available? It's the small keychain "mascot" where Choromatsu is in the green flannel shirt with glowsticks and a bandana. When mine came, he was overstuffed which made his face look... wide... I was somewhat upset because he was nowhere near what the first one looked like, I wanted one that looked like the one from the first set. Apparently by getting a "fat" Choro, I was "blessed".]

In my conversation with Fhujeth, she claimed this:

Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

Chocho gave me this chatlog to explain that the topic was, again, brought into the roleplay by Fhujeth - not the other way round:

Fhujeth: Totty: All old people have hard candy in their pockets, Choromatsu-niisan... It helps them remember what it's like to feel teeth. Chocho: chocho: no idea what you're talking about Fhujeth: Totty: *finds one* Ewww, it's sticky... Fhujeth: Totty: You should use this... *runs away and returns with a green bumbag/fannypack* Chocho: chocho: why would it be sticky in a wrapper in a bag? Fhujeth: Totty: It must've melted. Fhujeth: Totty: *it's not sticky* Chocho: chocho: if you don't want it, give it back Fhujeth: Totty: I want it... Fhujeth: Totty: *opens and eats it* :3c *realizes this was in his brothers pocket* *smiles still despite realizing how gross it is being in an old man's pocket too* :3c;;;;;;;; *spits it out* Fhujeth: Totty: It tastes good at least! Fhujeth: Totty: Is there a bag of fresh ones? Fhujeth: Totty: *carefully places bumbag on Choromatsu's waist* Hopefully it's not too small~ Fhujeth: Totty: *tightens it all the way, too tight* Chocho: chocho: argh why?!?!?! Fhujeth: Totty: Hmm it seems really tight on you... Fhujeth: *steps back, hand on chin Chocho: chocho: what are you doing to me?! you're trying to kill me Chocho: chocho: again Fhujeth: Totty: I'm giving you this bag to store candy and goods in! Chocho: chocho: stop tying it up so tight, i'm not a child i don't need the child setting!! Chocho: chocho: that HURTS you know! just like if i did it to you!! Fhujeth: Totty: Ah, you're right.. *loosens all the way* There, fat old man setting. *it still fits on him* Chocho: chocho: THERE IS NO "FAT OLD MAN" SETTING Chocho: chocho: todomatsu... *puts his hand on tottys shoulder* i'm sorry to break it to you, but... i'm not actually fat Chocho: chocho: here, let's see how YOU like it! *swiftly takes off the bag, whips it onto totty and yanks the strap as tight as it will go, harshly in a matter of a couple of seconds* Fhujeth: Totty: ... :S *ithurts* AGHHHH >< It's tight Chocho: chocho: hmm? what's that? it's tight? does it hurt? what a shame *huffs and stomps off* Fhujeth: Totty: *teary eyed immediately* Fhujeth: Totty: AHH TAKE IT OFF! *can't find the snappy part to undo it* CHOROMATSU-NIISANNNNNN!!!!! Chocho: chocho: *long gone*

[Just reading this I am so done, hahahaha! This is another example of us roleplaying and Fhujeth making it about how fat Chocho is. As I said, I just shrugged it off with humour. It ended up being about ridiculing Choromatsu and/or him being fat because she MADE it about it. She knew I didn't like it, so it always came up.]

I mean... this RP just looks playful and silly without context... but with all the above chatlogs taken into account, the obsession with fat and slobs evidently wasn’t coming from Chocho.

Chocho sent this to me which was posted by Fhujeth after the end of their friendship:

“Stop talking to other people”

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth was a claim that Chocho had told her to stop talking to so many other people so that Fhujeth had more time to talk to important people, i.e. Chocho:

It was little things like demanding that I stop "stretching myself thin so I can chat with the people who matter (her)" instead of jumping around from the dozen or so convos I am in a day.

Chocho showed me this chatlog of that event:

totally-totty The second the drama was done that is why I went and messaged you on domatsu to tell you my reply so you could see it in the morning but I was just getting over anxiety attack and stuff. I didn't want to tell you to go away or anything because I liked knowing you were right there... chochomatsu To be honest, trying to guilt trip me into swallowing my feelings isn't fair either really. totally-totty I dunno. I guess I just do the wrong things. chochomatsu It's not a case of telling me to go away, I would have still been there I know what it's like to have something come up where your mind feels stretched thin and you need to focus on one thing at once as it's really important totally-totty I am sorry I didn't consider your feelings. chochomatsu So really, you should have just said something like "hold on, I'm having a crisis with a friend over here, it's serious", I don't see anything wrong with that totally-totty I will remember to do that. I am learning just now I have so much to learn socially and that I am still so socially under developed with dealing with other people and that I am fucking retarded. I'm really bad with other people's feelings. chochomatsu Calling yourself "fucking retarded" is another form of guilt tripping, by the way.. trying to make the other person feel guilty for being hurt by your actions totally-totty No. I am not asking you to feel guilty about it. I need to get better and learn. I know I have flaws I need to work on it. chochomatsu That's why I'm telling you how it's coming across, that's all totally-totty Thank you. totally-totty I'm really sorry about yesterday it just started off hectic with the auction, I am sure you know that is very high pressure. So after that I was all antsy and didn't feel like drawing so I went around and just cleaned my whole room and then I swam and then I finally sat back down and we chatted some and I was sorta spaced out and then the drama with my friend started and I immediately went into that anxiety shock, you know what I mean? That anxiety shock where it's all, "omg, omg." totally-totty When I was antsy I also started a bunch of other chat conversations with people. x.x So I was distracted with those all day. So I was ignoring them all... I jumped around and would forget them all.

But back to us. I'm really sorry. It's weird when you're not on anymore... haha. I didn't mean to make you think you were annoying or bothersome, either. chochomatsu That's why I don't talk to many people at once totally-totty I'm starting to think I need to stop talking to so many people now. It's really mucked with things. chochomatsu The feeling of complete and utter disconnection and lack of care you get from somebody spreading their conversation capability so thin is extremely damaging Especially when it's from somebody you really enjoy or need to talk to totally-totty I agree, and I have noticed this has been happening especially as of late. Which is why I need to stop it. Because I'd rather talk to the friends I care about than other people.

[So... I didn't even bring it up, she was the one who said it. I just gave reasons as to why it might help her (and the people she talks to, not just me).]

Yeah, I’m not seeing abuse from Chocho here either. Chocho may have given a reason as to why she thought Fhujeth was doing damage to their friendship by trying to talk to many people at once, but isn’t this a valid concern? Fhujeth seemed to take it well here and agree with the stance. Also I do see manipulation of Chocho by Fhujeth with things like “I am fucking retarded” in an attempt to get a sort of “No you are not” response.

Another claim from Fhujeth was this:

It was little things that getting mad at me for being friends with some other people that hated Choromatsu.

Chocho had this to say:

[I never got mad at Fhujeth for being friends with anybody. I admit I got frustrated at people who hated on Choromatsu endlessly, but I'm sure anybody who had their favourites get hated on would feel the same way. I vented to Fhujeth about it, but never, ever attacked her over it. Who she's friends with is none of my business.]

Venting is wholly different than being mad at someone. There doesn’t seem to be chatlogs of this event from either side unfortunately.

Chochomatsu = Domatsu

This goes back to one of Fhujeth’s main claims of abuse from Chocho - that Domatsu and Chochomatsu were two blogs run by the same person but that Chocho refused to tell Fhujeth about it despite them being friends. Fhujeth said this to me:

We talked all day every day and we did the ask blog thing together. For me, it felt like a massive breach of trust when she pretended to be someone else to me. It's okay to want to start new but to lie to your friend that you're not someone is.... that feels very unsavoury.

Asking Chocho, this is the explanation:

Chocho: Interesting that she puts Chocho highly already though Chocho: He's existed for what half a month Fhujeth: Yeah you seem really tense Chocho: Yeah. =( Chocho: I have the magazine pic, your body pillow, jussy's commissions, that plush (Bob), THE NEXT DOMATSU UPDATE, chocho's asks, this birthday thing, just paid twice for my birthday present, probably going to have to do that again when Chibita finally shows up... Chocho: I'm trying!

[This is proof that Chocho existed for less than half a month by the time I told Fhujeth. I didn't tell ANYBODY about Chochomatsu at first because I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the blog. If I had told anybody, even my closest friends, I would have basically had to be committed to it and I didn't want to seal myself in on a blog I wasn't even sure I'd keep. After a week or so, I felt I wanted to keep Chocho, so I let Fhujeth in on it and my other closest friends outside the fandom (I didn't really have any friends in the fandom besides Fhujeth. Funny that, huh?). Fhujeth was the only one who took offense. (Also, in regards to "we did the ask blog thing together"? That's because she always forced her way into my blog stories and pressured me when I wanted to use my own Totty. I wasn't allowed to even concept asking another Totty blog to be my Totty for any particular post.]

So, what, 2 weeks that Fhujeth didn’t know Chochomatsu and Domatsu were the same person? I am again finding myself not being able to see where the abuse is. Even if it had been kept a permanent secret, it’s another case of this multiple alias thing just... being a thing in the creative arts. Why is it abusive?

To follow on from the subject of Totty blogs, Chocho gave me some explanation as to what that meant:

Chocho: If I legit went and made a Totty blog instead, you'd let me rot domatsu? Fhujeth: No, what I meant was more like... Fhujeth: I don't think I could stand a chance against you and I'd probably have to quit myself. Fhujeth: And I'd see it as competitiion, I guess. Chocho: Why would you do that? Chocho: You know I can't write Totty as well as you Fhujeth: Because there is absolutely no way in hell I can compete with your art. Chocho: Character portrayal is more important than art though Fhujeth: well, not really on tumblr people care about art lots ;.; well, in the end of it all I'd be incredibly hurt like, "Errr, there's 6 guys and you legit going to drop the one to pick the one I play even tho we work so closely together now I'm doomed and we can't work together so much and now I guess we're frenemies." Basically I'd handly it all in a very immature and very bad fashion because I have a very childish competitive nature.... But you are more than welcome to I just wouldn't be able to handle it at all like a grown adult. Fhujeth: its not a threat lmao I legit don't think I;d handle it well XD I already get really competitive when I see other Totty blogs Chocho: Well, don't worry, I wouldn't. I only asked since you said you'd only let me if it was to make a Totty blog? Chocho: I think? Fhujeth: Noooo. Fhujeth: I don't want domatsu to rot at all I love it Chocho: *only let me quit Fhujeth: yeah because the immature fraction of my brain would say, "Uhhhhh...... this person who was my friend is now my enemy" Fhujeth: like blanca was thinking of making a todomatsu universe I said, "NO" Fhujeth: Not like that Chocho: Uh... how do you feel about my Totty then? =S Fhujeth: I like him! Fhujeth: But since you don't have him as a dedicated blog... Fhujeth: I'm not like, scared. Fhujeth: That he'll become something I have to worry over. Fhujeth: Since you're Karamatsu to me... Fhujeth: of course I don;t OWN him either I just don't want to get competitive Fhujeth: against friends... because I get really bad. Fhujeth: I am crazy agressive competitive person if I wanna be.... or I give up if I don't think I can do it. Fhujeth: this is a bad side of me... Fhujeth: a really bad side of me Chocho: Even if I gave him his own blog, it'd work in the same way as the rest of them. Fhujeth: Right, that is OK. I mean.... your Oso blog doesn't take asks and all really... Fhujeth: Wow I can already tell I would handle this terribly. Fhujeth: I am feeling my blood pressure going through the roof, God I am so immature :/ At least I am aware of this flaw but still... damn. Chocho: I'm not going to make a Totty ask blog, don't worry Fhujeth: T-Thank you..... Fhujeth: You're allowed to though. Fhujeth: I'd figure you'd go for Choro Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: I'm sorry....... Fhujeth: For how I just was Chocho: Oh, no, don't worry

Fhujeth: I just hope I didn't make you hate Totty Chocho: No Fhujeth: Did you fall out of love with him tho? Chocho: The only thing is that I feel pressured not to include him in blog things (as mine solo) because you've told me in the past that he's yours Fhujeth: Oh, I don't mean like that you can do that.. Chocho: So if you feel like he's not there much it's because I feel you'd be angry with me if I gave him screen time or his own blog Fhujeth: Hmm, I would feel nervous about his own blog but not screen time.... Chocho: Exactly Fhujeth: Because you do so much better than me... XD;; it's more like Chocho: That's why he's not around Fhujeth: You could basically run me out of business... I guess... Chocho: I really doubt it Fhujeth: Look how fast Chocho grew and he is the same popular as Todo Chocho: Apparently he became one of the more expensive ones, so I don't think that's true... Fhujeth: i dunno. Don't let me stop you from doing what you want. Fhujeth: ^^ Fhujeth: If you run me out of business you run me out of business it's just the way it'd go. XD Chocho: I can't run anybody "out of business", it's not a business. ._. People haven't stopped with Karamatsu or Choromatsu blogs because domatsu and chochomatsu exist for example... Chocho: I managed to get enough for a gacha again and I got red hoodie Osomatsu. =/ Fhujeth: No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point". That is what I got and I was so mad. Fhujeth: But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you. Chocho: And that's why Todomatsu isn't around at all on my blogs Because it would be my fault if you quit Chocho: It's not that I don't like him, more that I'm... not really allowed Fhujeth: Ahh, no, please, don't say that. Fhujeth: Please do what you want. Fhujeth: ==inadifferentveinifeellikeishouldquitnowsighs== why is this all so complicated. can we talk this out just so you can understand where I come from and then you can see that you can do as you wish? :3 Chocho: See? Now I've made you want to quit just by saying that I wanted to separate dematsu into 4 blogs. =S Fhujeth: You can Chocho: I know where you're coming from, you've explained before Chocho: But this is why Totty hasn't been around on my end, that's all Fhujeth: It's not like it's going to be super active or anything like chocho or domatsu .... Chocho: Respecting your wishes Fhujeth: no? Or is it Chocho: It is! You told me you didn't want me to be Totty and that you would feel threatened and annoyed if I did Fhujeth: It would be more active? Please do as you wish. Please don't let me stop you.. Fhujeth: Honest. Fhujeth: But now I feel bad because you want to do something and you feel like I am stopping you. Fhujeth: All I was doing was expressing my feelings but I didn't want you to actually not do something because of me. I am not that selfish. I'll deal with it on my own. Chocho: Nah, it's fine. As long as you know that it's not that I don't like Totty! Fhujeth: I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something. Fhujeth: I'm really torn right now. Fhujeth: I'm gonna go away for a while and lay down... x.x I am too conflicted. I do not own a character, so please, by all means, you have every right. Chocho: This is why I didn't do anything! >_< Fhujeth: But you want to!

This is quite an obvious example of gaslighting... “You could basically run me out of business” ... “Don't let me stop you from doing what you want.” ... “No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point".” ... “But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you.” ... “Please do what you want.” ... “I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something.” ... “But you want to!”

Seriously... that is some powerful manipulative flip-flopping in an attempt to scare Chocho out of making a Totty blog.

Back to the issue of Chochomatsu and Domatsu being the same person...

[Also, she approached Chocho and pressed for conversation, not the other way around.]

05/19/2016 mr-flag hii ^^ welcome to the ask blog world! I am gonna answer you ask, sorry it';s coming form this blog you only follow this of my blogs <3 I am totally-totty too your choro is super cute <3 I might answer it though in a bit I am not sure yet the timing I have..... I wanna answer it now.... chochomatsu Oh! I thought I was following your Totty blog! I can see it on my dash right now! :O Are you sure? Maybe I need to unfollow and follow again???

[Chocho's blog was started on the 17th of May, 2016. Fhujeth approached the blog on the 19th of May 2016. 2 days after the blog was born.]

Chocho went on to explain that Fhujeth had been accusing her of having a Totty blog before the end of working on the Domatsu blog:

Fhujeth: you are capable of a lot.... i'd not be surprised if you had a totty blog already and I didn't know of it XD Fhujeth: not that you'd be that deceptive Chocho: I'd ummed and ahhed about Chocho for a couple of months before I did him... and I hesitated before I posted him first post even... I felt really guilty about him to be honest. Nah, I really really don't have a Totty blog I have domatsu and it's partner blogs, Chocho and Wakuwaku. And I don't do anything with Waku... since he chills out on Chocho's blog all the time. Fhujeth: Oh I am not accusing you of one...

[She was falsely accusing me of having a Totty blog back before I had even stopped doing Domatsu too. She accused me of a lot to be honest, with no grounds. And how do you prove you don't have something when you don't have something? She always put me on the spot for things I couldn't prove otherwise because they didn't exist.]

“Oh I am not accusing you of one...” Oh really? That’s what it sounds like to me.

In my experience, Fhujeth has been accusing Chocho of running a Totty blog for a very long time. A lot of people in this fandom already know that Fhujeth accused Chocho of being Todomatshu/Shu/Boots - another good friend of mine. This is in fact connected to the Totty Club situation as Shu was the founder and the one maintaining the list of members and such. The Totty Club drama is of course where most of my bad experiences with Fhujeth come from and it is difficult to prove to someone that two blogs are two different people when both people have been scared into not wanting anything to do with Fhujeth at all. I don’t have saved proof, but I have personally witnessed Chocho and Shu in a drawpile session together, working on separate drawings at the same time.

Fhujeth’s words:

totty Like I said too, I wasn't there at the drawpile. I guess one of my other friends was and said something how Chocho emulated Shu's style effortlessly and flawlessly but that is all I know. It falls back down to proof, again. I wasn't there just like you weren't there. I don't know. I'm not going to tell people Shu is Chocho. I don't even bring any of them up in name anymore.

I know which friend Fhujeth is talking about and this is not the same drawpile session I’m talking about. They weren’t there. In fact this friend she mentions is almost certainly the one that leaked chat from the Totty Club discord we had that triggered a lot of the drama with Fhujeth to begin with. I wish I had proof of the drawpile claim but I don’t. I didn’t think to take screenshots - we were all busy drawing and having fun. To this day I get the very strong impression that Fhujeth still believes Chocho and Shu are the same person.

I can’t give chatlogs as proof that they aren’t the same person as no logs I have access to have anything that would prove or disprove anything to do with this issue. The only other thing I can possibly add to this is that in the days of the Totty Club discord I could occasionally see Chocho and Boots (Shu) typing at the same time. Again, no proof, I don’t record my screen!

This entire situation was abusive to all of us. It ripped the Totty Club apart - people were unable to trust other members, Shu in particular, because of Fhujeth’s unfounded claims. As always, Chocho preferred to remain quiet about anything to do with Fhujeth at the time. I have to say I now understand why that was. I also finally understand why Fhujeth was so persistent about Shu being Chocho - she was STILL paranoid that Chocho was running a Totty blog and was attempting to be in direct competition with her.

The Pain Incident

Before I go on with this issue I have to explain why this is the last one I’m bringing up despite it being one of the main things Fhujeth presented as evidence that Chocho was abusive to her. It needs everything that has been explained previously to make sense and to give context, otherwise it comes across as very one-sided and it’s hard to see why the things being said are actually being said. The events of the previous months lead up to this final situation.

First of all, the claim Fhujeth presented to me:

Uhh. Okay, day before is what we're talking about. We were in a convo and she was super into collecting all the Choros for it so the first thing she said was like, "aww I didn't get X choro in the roll" she immediately showed me a drawing after that and I replied with a very stock reply of, "I'm sorry" or something, but as I was sitting down my back just died on me. So I started to panic like, "oh my god I am in so much pain holy shit ahhhhhhafsdgsdfhgdhdg" which obviously caused me to not reply to the drawing cause I was in physical pain and now spazzing about how i'm at home alone and scared and that idk what to do and I can't call anyone and idk where my mom is and i am scared. I was freaking out. She mentioned the drawing again but I just was sorta like.... in freaking out mode by then. I eventually got to the floor, got proper care after laying on the floor home alone for an hour with the anxiety now that my friend hated me and that I was home alone and couldn't move. After my mom came home and I got treated for the pain I came up to apologize on utox and what not and the last message she had written was, "ugh whatever i'm gonna go watch tv"

When I brought this part up with Chocho...

[This is another thing that needs FAR more backstory than Fhujeth gives... but of course she wouldn't give the whole story I suppose... =T In any case, this event happened after months and months of her complaining about her back pain (and other pains, she was just apparently constantly in pain and on pain medication) and shooting down my ideas for ways to get it seen to or ease the apparent pain. Eventually, especially by the last month, I was sick of hearing it and starting to doubt it was actually as bad as she always said it was. It ALWAYS came up, but she was NEVER willing to do anything about it because money and weed is more important.]

Fhujeth: Yeah. I hope I can. x.x I am like, really.... blah. Chocho: Do you think it has to do with the med you had to drop and the lack of weed at all? =( Chocho: Some kind of withdrawal symptoms? Fhujeth: Oh, hey, would you be willing to reblog my promo post? You don't have to... because you probably don't want that on your wall right now, but yeah. Any withdrawl would be gone now. Chocho: Combined with the pain of your slipped disc Chocho: Cos that is not pleasant Fhujeth: I am used to the pain, that is not like, a thing that gets me. Chocho: Pain gets to anybody. u.u Fhujeth: It adds to it but it's not like.... what is angering me. Chocho: Is it the education thing? Chocho: Also, brb!! Fhujeth: Nah, it's the "I am pissed at my friend for not keeping me away from game centers even if I beg because I have no self control and will pile through hundreds of dollars easy because I am mentally sick and can't control myself even tho I begged them the other day to keep me away." Fhujeth: "I am pissed at them too for forgetting that shop exists after I spent a TOOOOON of money on blind bags.

Wow... just to comment here... that’s really not your friend’s responsibility. If you can’t control your own spending don’t put the blame on someone else! You’re saying right there that you have no self control and yet you’re pissed at someone else...

Fhujeth: Ahhh the chronic pain is so... Fhujeth: awakening Chocho: Your slipped disc? =( Chocho: I bet it is! Fhujeth: yeah and then like just pain everywhere else it's kinda messed up Chocho: How are you, besides your disc? =< Fhujeth: Sore xD Chocho: <=( How long have you been suffering this for? Fhujeth: Since I got here for sure uhhh, for the one on the higher part my back, since 2012 I had diagnosed a disc in my lumbar that was out but it is ok now Chocho: Hmm... >_< Can they pop back in place? Fhujeth: I don't have health insurance atm Fhujeth: so I can't get it treated Chocho: I meant on their own. =( Fhujeth: It could I guess Fhujeth: depends on the damage Fhujeth: basically it's really tender at this one spot and then it causes all the muscles to tense around it Fhujeth: and all the walking has been really bad Fhujeth: I get back from going out and the pain is so intense Chocho: Yeah... =( Hmm.. Can you get a hold of heat or massage packs that might help? Fhujeth: I have.... some menthol strips I been sticking on they help a bit Chocho: Mm! At least you have something! ;o; Fhujeth: yeah :D Fhujeth: and ibuprofen Chocho: Ibuprofen is amazing

Chocho: Yeah, came back from the doctor and Zenryoku Batankyu had finally arrived. =D Fhujeth: Ramen is not really healthy and the high sodium must ause inflamation and I am in insane pain today from it!! AHHH Congrats!!!! I should pick up those CDs Fhujeth: so are you ok :3 like from the doctor? Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;;; Yeah, that's not good... I hope you feel better!

Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: Woow!! Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: That is already more support than I have gotten @-@ That is so cool! Fhujeth: ahh i feel crappppy Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* I miss my Dad. =( Ahhh, still bad? ;m; Is there anything you can take? Fhujeth: ahh I am sorry you miss him ;.; Fhujeth: Yeah, weed, but I am waiting on my damn mom to finish with the laundryyyyyy Chocho: I haven't gotten to see him in a few years now, darn lack of money. Ohhh, would weed help then? Fhujeth: it helps me with pain, most. XD; It makes me forget I am in it.

Just to be completely clear, that chatlog has obvious edits to protect the privacy of Chocho and her father.

Fhujeth: Totty: See? I'm a lot cuter, and I have like, a better personality, and my eyebrows are well shaped and maintained. :3 Chocho: Ichimatsu: *holds up another drawing similar to the first except it has "shaped eyebrows" drawn on* Fhujeth: Totty: o_o *pulls out phone and checks self* No, wait, that could be deceiving me *runs to body length mirror in closet* *looks ok* ??? Fhujeth: (ugh my joints hurt) Chocho: Is it all the pain? =( Fhujeth: i dunno they just hurt all the sundde l.l Fhujeth: sudden^ Chocho: Hmm.... have you been tensing because of the rash? Fhujeth: not sure o.o Fhujeth: I'm sooo tired tho Chocho: I really hope the doctor can help on Monday. =(

Chocho: The idol otaku I mean Fhujeth: I am looking for those online @-@ They were lottery prizes too Fhujeth: it looks like there was when I was looking a big set and a small set, only the big set has choro and kara with the jackets and all Chocho: Yeah, I wanted the big set! Fhujeth: they look cute! if i seem weird today it's because I am in intense pain !! Chocho: Okay, I hope you feel better. =(

Fhujeth: like the one in the tv Fhujeth: ? Chocho: I imagine so! Fhujeth: it hurts to moveee ffff Chocho: Like the one on South Park Fhujeth: I might lay down with the tens unit -- yeah! Chocho: Okay! I hope you feel better!! Chocho: Thanks for listening to a part of my teens. XD Fhujeth: Not right now! I need to draw... but it just so distracting. No problem same for me! Fhujeth: You said someone you know how a disc issue right? Chocho: Oh, yeah, my Dad has I think Fhujeth: ok ^^ Chocho: Why do you ask? Fhujeth: if you know how it is like at all :o Chocho: Well, I don't have it personally.. =o Fhujeth: Mine is pretty painful at times! Like, "this hurts a lot I might puke" painful

Chocho: I love all the spinning they put into these intros, hahaha Chocho: Skillz Chocho: ZARD... ;m; Fhujeth: i miss the mid 00 Fhujeth: s Chocho: 8th opening with the dancing. XD Chocho: I don't miss the 00s at all Chocho: It was more of a time of suffering for me than I even realised Fhujeth: For me i grew a lot. if I reply slow right now it is because i wanna finish this art and go lay downb ecause pain

Chocho: I wouldn't want to send out my rare badge and get nothing Fhujeth: True! Fhujeth: ahh i slept really bad on my back Fhujeth: i am in so much pain i can't focus that is why i am on so late Chocho: Did you take some painkillers? =(

Fhujeth: Thanks! Chocho: No probs! Fhujeth: "wh-why is everything distorted" Fhujeth: Heh I wish I didn't have caffiene addiction so I didn't have to drink cofffee this morning! Chocho: How come? Fhujeth: It's a stimulant so it's going to make my anxiety worse too.. Though the inital effects the the pot should be out of my system by now I am confused @_@ Oh well. I wish it would stop. I'll shut up about it XD Chocho: I hope it passes for you, really! Fhujeth: I hope it passes too because it's more painful to be sitting on the computer and being awake and trying to be alive than it is laying in bed pretending I don't exist! I'm fighting so hard to go back to bed and not exist!

Chocho: Karamatsu's enjoying it at least Chocho: Vados wasn't even in the 3 episodes we watched, only the intros for a second or so Fhujeth: Sorry for not talking lots I have weird muscle pain going down my arms -.x Chocho: S'all right! Fhujeth: i've felt shitty I hope nothing is seriously wrong lmao Chocho: It's probably one huge body shock combination or jet lag and coming back from Japan and infection and tiredness Fhujeth: yeah ;.; Chocho: Probably sister and mother induced stress to put the cherry on top

Fhujeth: invisible trauma from being fickin Chocho: that's not a work book Fhujeth: nyaachan fanbook Fhujeth: omg i just sorta fixed my back but I hear if I move my disc will slip back in place Chocho: oh? Fhujeth: Yeah I used a TENS to stop all the pain and decompressed my back and it doesn't hurt right now but I am scared to move Chocho: that's no good Fhujeth: no and i guess i don't qualify for obama care or something so I do not get insurance Fhujeth: ahh well

Fhujeth: No. It stinks bad too. Chocho: as do cat farts Fhujeth: Yes. XD Fhujeth: I cannot stay up at all @_@ Chocho: too tired? Fhujeth: pain Fhujeth: and that time of month Chocho: i seeee Fhujeth: but my back being like a squished sandwich cookie is kinda gross Chocho: yeah... Chocho: i hope you feel better Chocho: wanna talk totty? Chocho: would that help at all? Chocho: cos Chocho: i mean Chocho: it's totty

Fhujeth: I accidentally hit end task when fixing something else - I have a lot to do but I am getting it done I am just freaking out some because my mom is making me do the back porch and I am only a third done, I'm in intense pain and I wanna get Jussy this commission by tonight!

Fhujeth: Are you feeling okay? Chocho: why do you ask? Fhujeth: Because you're my friend and I am concerned about your well being? Chocho: oh i meant if you thought i was acting weird or something Chocho: i have a headache and i'm peeved but otherwise ok thanks Chocho: you? Fhujeth: My back wont get better and the pain is intense no matter what I do and I'm running out of pot and the guy who was supplying me left the country I think Chocho: i remember you mentioning about the pot guy... Fhujeth: So I might be weird a few days after I 100% run out. x.x Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: But I need to figure out more pain managment ideas because it's pretty much at the point where I am unable to do very much. It's excrutiating to bend down to feed the cats and I haven't done hardly any housework in the past few weeks that required hevy lifting and when i was powerwashing the other day the pain was insane. Fhujeth: but yeah! That's how I've been! Fhujeth: Otherwise I've bene okay emotionally! Chocho: there has to be other ways Chocho: my friend goes to massage therapy and accupuncture for his pain Fhujeth: I have something that is like accupuncture! The problem is I don't have health insurance, otherwise I'd be all over physical therapy x.x Chocho: you're gonna be saving a buck by not buying weed Fhujeth: I think a session for physical therapy will cost me half a month's supply of weed Chocho: just go every 2 weeks Fhujeth: When I went they wanted me to go 2 or three times a week (I forget how many times but it was like 15 sessions) for some very specific things (sessions were 45 minutes and were workout, massage, stretch, and decompression, and TENS). I'll see if there is anything the state! I think right now my best option will have to be the way most americans manage pain... XD our ridiculously heavy duty pain killers that kill us slowly and surely.

[This log was nearing the end of us talking. She literally asked me how I was JUST to talk about how much pain SHE was in, then say she's not willing to pay for care.]

Chocho: but he gets bad bad pain Fhujeth: Ah! Ok! I have back pain! I wish had healthcare! I'll look into things more. I was thinking of getting one of those inversion tables! Chocho: heat pad might help too Fhujeth: I use heat, ice, and a mini-tens unit! (also those are great for cramp pain!) Fhujeth: Oh I remember what helped too is that stinky rub Chocho: i think if it's that bad, your pain, you should try these things out, if only a couple of times... like the massage treatment Chocho: it may well super help Fhujeth: I did twice! Fhujeth: err, I did physical therapy twice Chocho: ah well there you go Fhujeth: like 40 sessions! It helped but I went a lot. Chocho: i don't really have any other ideas Fhujeth: It's ok! Chocho: dried cranberries Fhujeth: What do those do :O Chocho: some kind of pain relief, i'm not sure

Fhujeth: I am in. So. much. Pain right now. I'm wanted to stay at the computer and still play sm but I think I'm gonna have to lay down and try to work on my back at the same time. What else do I need to do for Choromatsu and the meds :3

Fhujeth: i am so much pain i can't hardly walk Chocho: maybe you should rest.... Fhujeth: I'm gonna when the game comes try to lay on the floor with my legs up and try to get my spine to at least not hurt... gonna try to get some other work sorted first Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: Sorry for whining I'm kinda scared it's never been this bad and it wont stop Chocho: it's all right Chocho: i hjust hope you can get some relief Fhujeth: I have some vicadin it just recently expired i think...

Chocho: i looked up slipped disc treatment Chocho: "It can take about one to three months to recover from a slipped disc. Treatment usually involves a combination of physiotherapy, such as massage and exercise, and medication to relieve the pain. Surgery to release the compressed nerve and remove part of the disc may be considered in severe cases, or if the pain doesn't settle down over time. In many cases, a slipped disc will eventually shrink back away from the nerve and the pain will ease as the disc stops pressing on the affected nerve. Sometimes the slipped disc will stay pressing on the nerve, but the pain goes away because the brain learns to "turn down the volume" on the pain messages coming from the nerve. " Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: i still recommend massages Chocho: once every 2 weeks Chocho: if you're in that much pain, surely it's worth a try? Fhujeth: I have a thing I am going to start to use for massages and start with it... I think mine isn't a slipped disc though it's the next step above that (unless it's the same name) Fhujeth: But massage would def help Fhujeth: I wonder if there is a place here that can do it not as a "spa" Chocho: it would be worth looking into if you're going to not be spending that $ on weed... use it on something else to help the pain Chocho: i would Fhujeth: Yeah I know! Trust me, I know. ;.; I tried doing some other stuff like laying the way you're supposed to but it felt like uhh how to word it..... Fhujeth: I was more sore when I got up

What stood out to me in this one was just how willing Chocho still was to help Fhujeth out with her pain despite everything that Fhujeth had put her through up until now. But it’s being mentioned so much it’s difficult to know how bad the pain really is.

Chocho: good Fhujeth: Ugh I am trying to massage the area and the pain got like 50 times worse Fhujeth: I think Chocho: i think it may well be a case of worse before better Fhujeth: it might wear off Chocho: cos you're shocking the system Fhujeth: Yeah. shocking the system? Chocho: yeah, as in it's not what your back is expecting Chocho: kind of like ice stings before it numbs Fhujeth: I hope! I feel kinda tense now x.x;

[These all lead up to the "day" where I was finally done with the topic always being about how much pain Fhujeth was in and me not being all too sure how much of it was true and how much was attention seeking... turns out the time I was finally done was the worst time to be done.]

[The pain stuff, whether is was a headache, a migraine, rashes, aches after working in the garden, her back or anything else... basically started, at the latest, around April when she was in Japan (condering that we first started talking at the very end of February that year). From that point, talk about pain came up all the time, it was draining and the pain just "escalated" all the time. And it continued right up to when I said I wanted out (Which was the end of November the same year).]

The logs here are just from the utox app and Chocho says these are not all the mentions of pain from Fhujeth.

This is where we got onto talking about the ignored artwork...

[I actually shared the artwork first, then commented about the Tabimatsu event. Her back didn't "escalate" until I mentioned "let's ignore it" about the art (which to be honest, she ignored my art a fair few times before then) which I had been actually drawing out some of our roleplay we had been doing, which I had been doing to try and distract her from the apparent pain. By this point, she had been complaining about "bad pain" so much (crying wolf, basically) that I... have to say, I no longer believed the severity. Here's the chatlog. With that in mind, you can see I'm tired of this same situation over and over, it just happened to be the worst time to make a comment. Either that or she escalated it BECAUSE I made a comment? I don't know, I can't be sure, I was only on the other side of the screen. After a while she went silent, so when I decided to go watch TV with my boyfriend, I left the note saying I was. It was blunt because I was annoyed, which I assume came across as heartless to people she showed. Sadly, timestamps weren't kept, so that context is lost.

Apparently the people who she showed at least partial logs to, she didn't mention that I was drawing the pictures to entertain her and help distract her, nor that I asked if she took pain meds and if they would help. Basically the only part she kept of mine was "thanks for ignoring my pic", I was told. So THIS is the "edited chatlogs" I mentioned. Editing means conveniently dropping details from the conversation too, being that because you've only shown snippits or because you've dropped lines entirely...]

Chocho: *PIC WAS HERE* Chocho: i never managed to get school uniform choromatsu from the event before it ends Chocho: there's no way i can get enough coins for another spin before the event goes, which sucks Fhujeth: I'm sorry >< Chocho: it's okay i guess what can i do? let's ignore it [<- note, this was me hinting about the ignored artwork] Fhujeth: uhhhhh my back is Fhujeth: very bad Fhujeth: atm Fhujeth: i am home alone Chocho: thanks for ignoring my pic can you get any painkillers or do ones like ibuprofen or paracetamol not work? Fhujeth: this is emergency Chocho: or do you have any of that one that worked the other day? Fhujeth: your pic is good I like it Fhujeth: sorry I am panicing Chocho: mmhmm [<- note, this is a response to “your pic is good I like it”, not that she is panicking] Fhujeth i can't move Chocho: have you got any of the one you used the other day Fhujeth: i can't move Chocho: the one that let you sleep well Fhujeth: like my back is that much pain i can't move Fhujeth: i am like leaning ovef in my chait Fhujeth: your picture, I like it! I am really sorry I can't focus right now. I don't mean to ignore it I'm freaking out and in a lot of pain and I can't do anything Chocho: i don't have any advice left Fhujeth: there is no advice Fhujeth: i am stuck here and scared Fhujeth: and hurting Fhujeth: till my mom gets back Fhujeth: i'ma try to fb her Fhujeth: she coming home Fhujeth: im trying t figur out how to get to the floor Chocho: im going to go watch tv

This is the conversation that happened a day before the chatlog that Fhujeth gave me as evidence that Chocho didn’t care about her pain while only being interested in the fact that Fhujeth ignored an artwork. After all of the previous “I am in pain!” claims how was Chocho supposed to know that THIS one was a dire emergency? Anyone who is told about someone else’s pain that many times is going to be desensitized to it and it becomes very difficult to tell what is bad and what is REALLY bad. Because Chocho wasn’t convinced that it was apparently an emergency, Fhujeth accuses Chocho of abuse.

Fhujeth claimed that the question about painkillers was insulting:

I might've forgotten when I worded the story but I rectified that. That was something that to me was more an insult than a concern because if I am in pain OF COURSE I am going to take pain meds.

Chocho gave me these...

Fhujeth: it's just she wants me to clean always at the worst time so I try to get it done in the am Chocho: That's a good idea.. u_u Fhujeth: There, now if I have to do anything it'll be powerwash Fhujeth: which I might do in a few minutes Fhujeth: because also if this pain gets worse I'll be unable to clean at all! Chocho: Hmm.. =( Have you been taking painkillers or..? Fhujeth: I will in a bit if it gets worse it's ok right now :3 Fhujeth: roombas are great (robot vaccuums) ahh Chocho: Okay! ;w; Just don't suffer too much, all right? <3 Hahaha, I bet! XD Fhujeth: oh I wont :3

Fhujeth: ahh my head hurts Chocho: How come? D= Fhujeth: not sure o_o Chocho: Headache? Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: Can you take painkillers? D= Fhujeth: Yeah I may... brb gonna do the dishes Chocho: OK

Fhujeth: whch pattern Fhujeth: For kara? Chocho: Yeah! => Chocho: See if it's possible to shrink down Chocho: I doubt it cos it has small parts. XD Chocho: It might not even be worth trying... Fhujeth: I have a badddd migraine Chocho: Did you take painkillers? =< Fhujeth: Yeah not working x.x Chocho: Did you take paracetamol AND ibuprofen together?

Fhujeth: it's ok! also happy birthday again Chocho: Thank-you! ;w; Fhujeth: x3 no problem, I wish my head didn't hurt so bad. Chocho: Did you take ibuprofen AND paracetamol? =< You didn't answer Fhujeth: what is paracetamol? Chocho: It's a painkiller.. =o Chocho: One of the most common... Chocho: You can take it with ibuprofen as long as the ibuprofen you took doesn't have it in it. => Chocho: And it acts like a double whammy because it attacks pain in a different way Fhujeth: Ahhh, no I don't have that Chocho: Might be worth checking your painkillers to make sure they don't have it in already, then getting some if they don't! =o Fhujeth: it's hard to get that stuff here. Chocho: Is Japan really stingy with painkillers or something> Chocho: *? Fhujeth: well you can only get them in a pharmacy Chocho: Cos paracetamol is... the standard painkiller Fhujeth: I will sleep soon Chocho: Okay! ;w; Sounds like a good idea since you're in so much pain! Fhujeth: Yeah... I wanted to finish the bag but I will when I wake up. Chocho: Good idea.. =< Chocho: Don't suffer, you know? Fhujeth: Yeah x.x I am suffering at this point Chocho: You should try to rest! =< Chocho: Especially with a migraine Fhujeth: Yeah, I will sleep now!!!! Goodnight :3

Fhujeth: Back.. are you feeling betteR? Chocho: Yeah, you? Fhujeth: Nope x.x Chocho: Still in pain? Fhujeth: Yeah. ;.; Chocho: Did you take any painkillers? =) Chocho: *=( Chocho: Heh, shouldn't be smiling at that Fhujeth: it's ok XD You seemed pretty pissed at me when I left so... about to! Chocho: I was pissed at the world Fhujeth: I am used to people taking their frustrations out on me XD;; So I sorta knew you were upset about many things but I felt like I was in firing range. Did you wanna post that thing? Chocho: Ohhh no, I might have ranted about things to you but I don't go about ATTACKING my friends

[Any time she was in pain, I suggested/asked about painkillers and usually she hadn't even bothered to take them... so... painkillers were the first thing I always asked about every time.]

So hang on... every other time painkillers were brought up it was Chocho being helpful and it was appreciated... but this one time where ignored artwork also happened to be involved is was hugely insulting? I don’t get it.

And something else I’d like to mention. I’ve never seen Fhujeth mention pain before. There are endless instances of it in the logs from Chocho, but past Chocho saying goodbye to Fhujeth...?? Maybe it’s only ever in private conversations... but just a thought.

Part of Fhujeth’s conversation with me:

Ah, to add, yeah. So that event happened, I didn't log into the chat we used (utox) the next day so that night they IMd me talking just about 'Oh I guess Totty has big balls now" or something cause the yokai set came out... :S and I was like, "Wait are you for real you're not gonna ask how I am after that?"

Chocho gave more logs:

11/22/2016 chochomatsu just gotta say choromatsu is very amused that todomatsu is a tanuki and what that implies totally-totty Yeah. chochomatsu i'll leave you be

totally-totty And. The "icing on the cake" was instead of you sending me something saying, "are you ok? i know you were in a lot of pain yesterday." You had to tell me about Tanuki Balls. I think you're a great person and I like to RP and interact and chat with you but I think you think I don't care about you. chochomatsu tanuki balls? totally-totty Isn't that what your first message to me implied? chochomatsu not really besides the fact that that was trying to start conversation i wasn't even thinking about tanuki balls totally-totty What were you implying in your first message? chochomatsu tanuki's are portrayed/commonly seen as fat that's all are they supposed to have big balls too? totally-totty Yeah.

[The continuation of the "chatlog evidence" that Fhujeth cropped out, revealing that I wasn't actually talking about tanuki balls at all, but actually that tanukis are portrayed as fat, something she kept pushing on Choromatsu (and earlier, when I was working on Domatsu, Karamatsu) that is now Todomatsu instead. Even though I flat out explained myself there and then, I guess she thought that messaging her about tanuki balls was more offensive and better to use as "evidence", so she cropped the rest out.... also, one of the lines in her chatlog is out of order. Here's the true order;]

FHU'S 'EVIDENCE' ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

chochomatsu here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

TRUE ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

So... edited chatlogs? It’s a minor edit but it significantly changes the flow of the conversation in Fhujeth’s favor when read in the order Fhujeth showed it.

Additionally...

Fhujeth: I am back now! I have to try to clean my side of the house that is what I was doing the other day when we were talking when pain got me ;.; now it's all messy again and I am terrified so if I say that I am in very bad pain again it's probably the same as yesterday! I'll try not to "cry wolf" with pain that is tolerable from now on to help clear things up! Fhujeth: the day before^ Chocho: take it easy, ok?

[Fhujeth even admitted she had been crying wolf about her back pain before the fight after the event.]

[I found out later from others that Fhujeth chased all my potential friends away by spreading tiny nasty rumours about me to people who were other ask blogs in the fandom, in an attempt to keep them away from me. Telling them things like I was SO controlling and had a huge ego/bad attitude. I had no idea this was going on, but apparently she started super early into our friendship (the domatsu days, before chocho existed).]

[I found, after I had broken away from Fhujeth that I realised that she had really... muddied my mind. The way she was so quick to aggression or even a full out argument (which I really did not want) made me just nod along and agree with her nasty comments and tactics in order to defend myself from potential fallout and I felt disgusting about that after I broke away and my mind was cleared. I rarely stood up for my beliefs and morals whilst talking to her. I mean, sometimes I did? But usually I didn't. I dunno if maybe the people who talk to her now are doing that very same thing now themselves. She just had this toxic atmosphere that infects you. After I walked away I found that my mood was instantly more positive, even though she was trying her very best to destroy me publicly and privately. The absolute hell she put me and my name through after I left was actually less stressful than the frustration and pressure I had to deal with daily whilst we were talking, especially near the end.]

[Fhujeth would fight about /anything/. I'm pretty sure she enjoyed arguments (which I really, really do not) and liked to spur drama. So I would try and avoid that at all costs, not calling them out on their poor behaviour or bad morals because I didn't want to argue about things, ever. And the fights took forever, they lasted sometimes hours I think because you just can't be right against her. Even when the argument was as stupid as "what the right way to play DDR is". I could never win because she would never reconsider her opinion/point/stance. Basically the only way out of the argument was bowing down and saying "you're right, I'm wrong, you win". But of course, the response to that is always negative (and insulted) because she wants the argument to continue I suppose. And of course, if you're angry, the way you pitch "LET'S END THIS" is always going to be angry. I'm actually quite hard to anger and yet she managed repeatedly. Possibly more times in a single year than anybody on their own has managed to do (besides maybe my brother if we count my entire life). I can't believe just how many times I say I'm frustrated or angry or peeved or upset in these chatlogs looking back... it doesn't sound like me... <=/;;; Cos I'm not usually angry or peeved or upset... tired maybe... XD;;]

Fhujeth claimed to me that she was the one that tried to get away from Chocho.

That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Chocho gave me a small chatlog with her point of view...

Fhujeth: You having a good day today? Chocho: Yeaaah, enough. You? Fhujeth: Eh, was ok, Jussy did something minor but irritating to me Chocho: Really? =S What did she do? Fhujeth: she messaged me on two seperate accounts of mine within 5 minutes of each other saying Hi on one and "boop" on the other at 5am XD Chocho: Ugghhh... you might wanna tell her that it was 5am and you didn't appreciate it... Chocho: She probably doesn't think time zones Fhujeth: it was more so the... probably... 5 minutes within each other. I can get after a few hrs or osmething if it is important but just to say hi...... within 5 minutes is.... strange Fhujeth: Cus I know I messaged you twice the same day on different accounts but it was after a fight.... and it was over the span of a day. :S Fhujeth: But this was like 3 minutes or less even.. and not even to say anything.... important...

[By the last month of talking to Fhujeth, I have to be honest, I wanted out. But I could tell that if I told her "that's enough, I'm leaving" that she would... well, do exactly what she did. There were a couple of times after fights where I'd say something like "Is this the end?", hoping they'd say "Yeah, let's part ways" so that I wouldn't have to make the run for it and the parting would hopefully be mutual and peaceful, but every time, they wanted the friendship to continue. (As an interesting point, now I'm looking back at these chatlogs, basically every fight/argument had a "So what do you want to do then? We always fight anymore, should we still be friends??" from her in it. This was from quite early on though, so it looks like a threat, rather than a resoution.) The fallout I could sense scared me into not leaving, but I was completely done/spent emotionally otherwise. If I had just not signed into Tox ever again, I would be leaving behind all my friends on there and she would just come find me on tumblr anyway as always... but after "the back event", I found out about all of the horrible stuff she had been doing in regards to me even from months back, the whole talking about me behind my back and villainising me to others. So I decided that was it, wrote her a message about giving the "closure" that she wanted, that she had told me at the start of the friendship (if I wanted to leave I had to give closure, not just disappear). I didn't block Fhujeth so she could have her say and I got nothing but abuse back which I didn't respond to until she blocked me. I have not said a thing to her since. She even sent some horrible, abusive e-mails in the coming months after, knowing I'd see them. Also, it's probably worth mentioning that she sent my boyfriend of many years a direct malicious e-mail, trying to turn him against me.

She says that she was trying to get away from me for ages, but it was the other way around. I was terrified to leave, I even said so to one of my friends, because I could just tell from the atmosphere that if I left, no matter how I did it, she would follow me or try to destroy me. Which is exactly what she did.]

This is a chatlog of Chocho talking to one of her other friends (name censored for protection):

chochomatsu <name>, I'm scared... if I try to cut ties is she going to try and destroy me? It's pretty much the biggest reason why I've let myself be pushed around by her for so long.... this has been going on for months... chochomatsu I can't do it any more... chochomatsu If she's willing to ruin my reputation over a tiny scuffle/misunderstanding... because that's basically what that was a few days ago. Hurt feelings, not even a fight

And this... is the very last thing Chocho said to Fhujeth. The parting message:

11/26/2016 chochomatsu Hey. I can't do this any more.... I found out what you did regarding Monday/Tuesday. I'm not willing to put up with this any longer. It was fun while it lasted and I can't say I didn't have some good times with you, but enough is enough. This is the closure you asked for... thanks for being my friend.... I hope things go well for you from here on out. Goodbye! totally-totty You mean you hurt me so bad? It was fun when it lasted... What do you wanna do with what is owed? Just be even? totally-totty I think it hurt me that you did not get that you hurt me... And then guilt tripped me... Tried to put the blame on me. totally-totty So yeah. It was great while it lasted. Sans the times youd misunderstand me and I would put up with it. totally-totty But i am not all to blame here. If you cannot see what you did wrong. I feel so sad for you. I only retailiate when i have had enough. totally-totty What did you find out exactly? Just for reference. totally-totty That I told people you abused me tooons of times? That when I have had right to be paranoid and scared you told me not to hold it against you but when ai hurt you youve held it against me ever since. totally-totty Ill miss talking to you. But i wont miss the anxiety and stress of feeling like i was walking on eggshells to make sure i said things properly. totally-totty I wont miss you interpreting everything as either aggressive or ignored either. You have hurt me more than you actually know or probably grasp and all you cared was that I ignored your drawing. "If i was in pain id have done this" ya well im not you And id try to apologize but itd always go to a false ear. totally-totty So I leave you with this. I know it sucks to have epilepsy and other physical ailments but please... You have NHS. For your future... Please seek some psychiatric help. You are lucky enough that you get access to it. Utilize it. Also learn how to take a critique.

...wow. After everything I now know this is just... incredible. Fhujeth is insinuating that everything is Chocho’s fault here. That Chocho guilt tripped her(?), hurt her, misunderstood her... and that everything they ever spoke about in their friendship sparked anxiety and stress. And that final attack on Chocho’s physical illness is just flat out despicable. There is NO excuse for that. (Note: Chocho has given me full permission to include this information in this post)

Perhaps, given everything here, it is Fhujeth that needs to seek psychiatric help.

Past this point, Chocho claims to have not spoken to Fhujeth at all hoping that Fhujeth would eventually move on and not cause further drama over the broken friendship. Fhujeth didn’t do that (as I can back up). Emails were sent to Chocho from Fhujeth for months after the final goodbye...

"Have fun, I guess. You really hurt me. You have no idea how much you hurt me. You're a heartless person. I should've known when I first met you. I have no idea what your issue is..."

And...

“And I can NEVER forgive you for the shit you pulled on Jussy you desperate little fuck."

What... seriously?? Fhujeth was the one bugging Jussy for commissions and insulting her behind her back. If Fhujeth is referring to the two aliases thing... jesus fucking christ get over it! People have aliases, big deal! There is some SERIOUS spite here for reasons I can’t fathom. That Chocho managed to get away from her maybe? If you’ve read to this point you’ve seen the level of manipulation aimed at Chocho from Fhujeth.

And, quite importantly I think, it’s clear that Chocho was the one that wanted to get away, not the other way round. An abuser does not try to get away from their target, that’s what the abused does. The abuser is the one that takes chase once their target has got away.

Among other emails sent to Chocho from Fhujeth, there was also one apparently sent to Chocho’s boyfriend in an attempt to get him to turn against Chocho and reveal information to Fhujeth (this I couldn’t believe until I saw it, it’s a SERIOUSLY disgusting move). I wasn’t shown the entire email but I asked if I could see so Chocho asked her boyfriend to hand over some parts... (name changed to Chocho for privacy - real name was used)

Chocho did some really terrible things to me in the past and I can't say I haven't retaliated but even after I've tried to apologize she has kept it up. I just want peace. I have been trying to move on and it has been literally impossible, even with the blacklisting software and blocking.

I'm not here to criticize her or get mad at her, I just want to ask if you can check on her and what she is doing with ask blogging. I know she has stolen an idea from me now, and this I have records of. I think she is running multiple blogs under different aliases too. If anything I am actually more so worried for her mental health than anything else.

It's not my place to start anything. I just want you to look at what she is doing. Please, I urge you to keep this between you and me. I wouldn't be contacting a complete stranger if I wasn't getting desperate.

I think at this point she is running around four different tumblr "identities" and trying to play them off as if they are entirely different people despite it is very clearly in her art style that it is her.

Yes, really. Fhujeth actively tried to get Chocho’s boyfriend to reveal information to her behind Chocho’s back because she was paranoid about what Chocho was “doing with ask blogging”. Now I can’t speak for anyone else but I find this utterly despicable. Not to mention the continued attacks on Chocho’s state of mental wellbeing.

Extras...

[I had so, so many fights with Fhujeth because she'd take something the wrong way or she'd be rude/disgusting or she'd pick a fight.... and every fight lasted FOREVER and I was SO DONE with fighting. My 2 best internet friends for up to 10 years? I have probably had 1 argument with each in those years. And it didn't last and cleared up quick. My best friend in person that I have known since I was about 8 years old? I have had 1 fight with them EVER and it was because of another person. My other best in person friend I have never had a fight with ever. I had another best online friend who I had known since we were 12, she slowly drifted away over time due to changing interests and I think we lost touch when we were about 24 or older by the time that happened... we had 1 fight in the history of us being friends and that was when we were what... 15? Prime time for teenage friend arguments. In general I think it's natural to have at least ONE fight with your best friends that you know for years. But the sheer amount of fighting Fhujeth started between us in less than a year was just incredible...]

While looking for the chatlogs shown in this post, Chocho found a lot of these fights with Fhujeth... but because the post is already very long I have put these in a separate draft here:

https://totty-chan.tumblr.com/private/172180653683/tumblr_p62b4pvIRS1w7dwde

There are also other subjects of interest in this post although they weren’t strictly related to Fhujeth’s claims of abuse from Chocho that she discussed with me. There are also some logs and comments that extend upon the subjects covered in this post, but again, this post has grown into a monster already

tfl;dr

I (Sammy) have had my fair share of bad experiences with Fhujeth over the past year. I have known about the drama between her and Chocho but not any of the details until now. I approached Fhujeth about it asking for proof because I didn’t like the fact she was STILL going around accusing Chocho of being her “abuser” and I didn’t know why. After listening to Fhujeth’s argument and considering her evidence, I went to Chocho to ask her for her side. Up until now Chocho has been very unwilling to talk about anything to do with Fhujeth because it was a very hurtful topic for her. But when I told Chocho that Fhujeth is still claiming that she is the abused, Chocho decided to break silence and... well.. tell me everything. If you’ve read the post, I’d like you to make you own decision on all of this, BUT, in my opinion Chocho is the one that was abused. And in a big way, for a very long time. Manipulation, gaslighting, fear, uncertainty... you name it, Fhujeth tried it. And when Chocho finally decided enough was enough, Fhujeth took chase and terrorized Chocho privately and publicly for months after the friendship was broken up.

tl;dr of the tfl;dr

Fhujeth’s a manipulative, despicable piece of shit who thought she could frame Chocho for her own disgusting behavior.

Considering my personal experiences with Fhujeth and those that I have discussed with others in the past, this article expert-reviewed by a licensed professional counselor describes this situation to near-perfection. I am of the opinion that Fhujeth is living with Antisocial Personality Disorder, or ASPD.

https://www.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Sociopath

Please read if you can and consider your relationship with Fhujeth and if any of this is relevant to you.

Take care of yourselves.

Chocho, I really hope Fhujeth finally leaves you alone. After seeing the proof you have given me I now believe you have been framed for abuse you didn’t commit and I can honestly say you don’t deserve any of the hell you have been dealt for the last year and a half...

[beautyindisguise00]

Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others?

Thursday October 1 2020 @2:53pm

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? last weekend. my boyfriend

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? my grandma. i’d ask her how she felt about how things are going with the big three family now

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? my grandma

4. How would you describe your current mood? calm and relaxed

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? crying myself to sleep last night. ugh, im so sensitive sometimes.

6. What was the last thing you lied about? i dont remember. haha

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? still have my v-card,but the bed. haha

8. What is your earliest memory? getting lost at a sports tournament. haha

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? i drink by myself, but not to get drunk

10. What type of a drunk are you? very chatty and giddy

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? there’s a lot.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? last weekend to a guy friend, Luke last weekend to my boyfriend a few weeks ago to my best friend, Angela all where of different feelings, but thankfully they were all very accepting

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? visiting a friend who was in a motorcycle accident

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? i haven’t been through a bad breakup and i hope i wont ever, but if i ever do. i’d probably cry myself to sleep each night and go through the motions through the day. i’d stay off social media until i’m ready to show my ex what he’s lost

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? i’ve never done drugs

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? forgetting to log out of my facebook messenger on my mom’s phone....

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? someone’s who’s kind. goes out of their way to help others. and many more. i can be a good person, but im not always

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? enjoy life. be kind to others. bring glory to God

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? animals should be treated with care and kindness. 

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? my boyfriend and i were out with his family

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? not love myself like i should be. form options about me without getting to know me

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? depends on who you are

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? we just grew apart. neither one of us put effort in the friendship anymore

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? not anymore, i’ve learned and moved on

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? i havent been yelled at in a while.

26. Where did your last injury come from? no major injuries lately. the last one i can recall was when one of my kiddos rammed into my toes and my toe nail chipped off

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? uhhhh, neck kisses, dirty talk, nip play. hahahaha

28. What are you like during arguments? stubborn. haha. and i try to be right all the time. 

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? they’re a b

30. Where do you like to be kissed? lips and neck

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? the first one

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? i was tired, sleep deprived, had a migraine from drinking too much. so i got upset at my boyfriend, but at least i knew not to say anything i’d regret to him.  we talked about it the day after and we’re all good now.

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? if i wasnt already with my mom, then my mom. i’d tell her i love her and everyone else. i would want to hear her voice before i go.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? i’d tell those who are important to me first and spend as much time as i could with them.at first, i’d be afraid, but i know where i’m going so i’d just miss everyone more than anything

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? i dont see the choices

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? i can’t see my boss saying that to me, but i’d do my best to save that dog

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? well, essentially, they’re the same people so I’d end up getting hurt by both

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? my best friend is my boyfriend. haha

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? yes. I’d do that for my boyfriend so he’d be able to send one more hour with his grandpa

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? yes. haha

41. Does love = sex? not for everyone

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? honestly no. I also have financial things to take care of my own. I would very horrible, but i just can’t

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? just shared my intimacy life with a guy friend on a long road trip. nothing too bad, but i dont really talk about stuff that personal to me. haha

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? that i didn’t love them back or more so the feeling was not mutual 

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? my love for people. you can’t tell me to stop loving someone

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? my kiddos at work

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? honestly, i cant think of anything. not saying this last month was perfect, but it wasnt too bad

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? uhh, a wwe fighter. haha jk probably my boyfriend

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? yes. i’d always to try save a life

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? neither one of my grandmas are here 

51. Are you old fashioned? in some ways

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? work. haha

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? how it is true love when there’s a broken heart?

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? being able to travel anywhere and anytime

55. What was the last thing you ate? a chocolate chip muffin

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? guys who are kind to others, athletic, and hott. haha. honest truth

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? they drunk way to much and got on my nerves

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex at a time? vcard stil here but when my boyfriend comes to visit, we get intimate about 2-3 time a day. hahahaha morning, mid day, and night. lol

59. What reality shows do you watch? not much. sometimes KUWTK here and there 60. Post a video of yourself here: no thank you

61. Where do you work? at a daycare

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? no i always check the plates

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? tj maxx

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? teacher. haha

65. What’s your most irrational fear? use to be dolls. ahaha

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? i have about five saved on my car, but i dont really listen to the radio often. i usually just listen to my own music

67. What kind of music do they have? today’s top hits and Christian

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? hawaii!!

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? depends some yes some i’d pass

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? i dont have any planned right now

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? the meeting we had

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? nah, depends on the person but a quick hug is okay if we’re not that close, but if we are then sure, hug on!

[geektified]

New Post has been published on http://www.geektified.com/2017/06/13/the-raw-expose-the-beast-vs-the-black-sheep-of-the-samoan-dynasty-edition-6-12-2017/

The Raw Exposé: The Beast vs. The Black Sheep of the Samoan Dynasty Edition (6-12-2017)

By: Keila Cash

Hello everyone and welcome to another installment of The Raw Exposé. Tonight’s episode of Monday Night Raw emanated from the Lafayette Cajundome in Lafayette, Louisiana. After Samoa Joe choked out Paul Heyman on last week’s show, Heyman vowed that The Beast would be unleashed and Joe will cower in fear. Did Lesnar deliver the goods or did he stand in the ring like a statue per his usual cameo appearances? The answer to that question can be found throughout this blog. Without further ado, let’s dissect tonight’s episode of Raw in no particular order.

  Samoa Joe proved that he was man enough to take on Brock Lesnar when he attacked The Beast head on to kick off the opening segment of Raw.

  The Lesnar-Joe brawl was pretty good as both men got some licks in before Kurt Angle called for security. Both men quickly got rid of the extra muscle and resumed their fight until the rest of the locker room came out to break things up for good.

  Joe got the last shot when he kicked Lesnar in the face as the opening segment came to an end.

  Paul Heyman set things up beautifully as he cut a fiery promo about how he took Joe too lightly by heaping him with praise only to get choked out for his efforts.

  Because of Joe’s actions, The Beast was unleashed and there would be hell to pay. Heyman blasted Joe for being a punk and mutt who gave his Samoan brethren a bad name because he was considered the black sheep of the family. Heyman claimed that Joe wasn’t man enough to put Brock Lesnar in the Coquina Clutch which caused Joe test that theory by going toe-to-toe with The Beast.

  He didn’t lock in his submission hold, but the Samoan Badass proved that he wasn’t afraid to knock Lesnar on his ass and live to tell the tale.

  Overall, this was a hot way to start the show. The Joe-Lesnar brawl was similar to the epic fight between Lesnar and The Undertaker from a couple of years ago. This didn’t pack the same punch, but it was a solid pull-apart scuffle that built anticipation for their Universal Championship match at the July PPV That Shall Remain Nameless Unless Absolutely Necessary.

  Elias Samson defeated Dean Ambrose with a Swinging Neckbreaker after The Miz and Maryse came out to provide the distraction down the stretch. The Drifter continues to get heat by sucking as a singer, but his in-ring work is very basic which caused some fans to shower him with “You Can’t Wrestle” chants midway through the match. I hope he can work out the kinks because his gimmick has the potential to get over if it’s handled properly.

  This was a nice way to forward the never ending Intercontinental Championship feud between Miz and Ambrose. Let’s hope both stars part ways at next month’s PPV because it’s time for them to move on to bigger and better things.

  Cedric Alexander made quick work of Noam Dar when he pinned him with the Lumbar Check. Alicia Fox facetiming Dar before and during his match was very annoying.

  “Why be a king when you can be a God?” – Eminem.

  That quote from the song “Rap God” sums up the promo exchange between Bray Wyatt and Seth Rollins. Anyone who used Wyatt’s name in vain would be judged accordingly. Rollins was amused that Wyatt took offense to his false prophet and wannabe martyr comment from last week. He challenged Wyatt to prove him wrong, but Wyatt pulled a Houdini by disappearing into thin air and cutting the rest of his promo from the big screen. He told Rollins that it was easy to slay a king while killing a God is an impossible feat to pull off. Wyatt told Rollins to run as the segment came to an end.

  It’s hard to take Wyatt seriously after he lost to Roman Reigns last week. He takes a good game, but he can’t back up in the ring on a consistent basis. Wyatt feuding with Rollins is more nay than yay when it comes to history repeating itself. We shall see if I’m proven wrong in the weeks to come.

  Apollo Crews defeated Kalisto with a Spinout Powerbomb in a decent match. It wasn’t as good as their kickoff bout at Extreme Rules last Sunday, but the action was solid for the most part.

  Mickie James, Dana Brooke, & Sasha Bank defeated Alexa Bliss, Nia Jax, & Emma when Banks made Emma tap out to the Bank Statement. The match was decent as Alexa Bliss continued to look out for herself after she left her team high and dry down the stretch.

  The promo exchange leading up to the six-woman tag team match was fine, but it was nothing to write home about. At least Banks was over with the crowd which added heat to the segment.

  Corey Graves’s interview with Bayley covered a lot of ground as Bayley was honest about why she didn’t get extreme during her Kendo Stick on a Pole match against Alexa Bliss at Extreme Rules. Bayley vowed to stay true to herself in order to walk into next year’s WrestleMania as the Raw Women’s Champion.

  The Hugger Extraordinaire spoke with humility and confidence which helped repair some of the damage done to her character over the past few weeks. Hopefully is this the start of Bayley’s redemption arc because she has a lot to offer as a performer if she isn’t booked like shit.

  Corey Graves saying that he needed a cigarette after hugging Bayley was awesome. I’m surprised they didn’t break character because Graves’ deadpan delivery had me rolling.

  Heath Slater and Rhyno defeated The Miz and The Mysterious Dancing Bear when Dean Ambrose did a switcheroo with the bear after Miz’s paranoia got the best of him once again. The distraction caused Miz to knock Maryse off the ring apron which allowed Ambrose to nail him with Dirty Deeds. Ambrose dragged Slater on top of Miz to pick up the win for his team.

  The match as pure comedy as the announcers traded bear jokes that were so corny that I couldn’t even crack a smile at how dumb they were. Ambrose continues to make Miz look like chump which is entertaining, but it’s not making me long for their feud to continue.

  Neville vs. Rich Swann never got underway as Neville attacked Swann from behind. He slammed Swann into the barricade before putting him in the Rings of Saturn. Neville took pleasure in destroying Austin Aries, TJP, and Swann and blew off Akira Tozawa as a viable challenger for his Cruiserweight Championship. It appears that Titus O’Neil is trying to push his new client on Twitter, but he might be doing more harm than good by kicking the hornet’s nest. At least there’s a storyline reason as to why O’Neil is stirring up trouble on 205 Live.

  Big Cass was attacked backstage by a mystery assailant, but he still tagged with Enzo Amore as they took on Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows. Cass tried to compete, but Enzo had to do the heavy lifting for his team. It wasn’t enough as Anderson and Gallows laid him out with The Magic Killer for the win.

  Anderson and Gallows continued to attack Enzo until The Big Show made the save. Cass didn’t look happy as Enzo embraced Big Show in the ring. Cass remains my top suspect in the backstage attacks.

  Big Show calling Big Cass S-A-W-F-T pretty much says it all.

  The 2-out-of-3 falls match featuring The Hardy Boyz vs. Sheamus and Cesaro for the Raw Tag Team Championship ended in a tie when both teams didn’t make it back in the ring before the count of ten during the deciding fall. This was a smart way to prolong the feud while keeping both teams strong heading into the July PPV That Shall Remain Nameless Unless Absolutely Necessary.

  This was a very good main event match that featured hard-hitting action throughout. Both teams work well together which makes their feud still feel fresh despite the multiple rematches. I can’t knock the monotony if the wrestling is up to par. Let’s hope they can keep the momentum going heading into The Fire with Great Balls.

  Overall, I thought this was a serviceable episode of Monday Night Raw. It was clear from the start that WWE wanted to get their best stuff out of the way before Game 5 of the NBA Finals featuring the Golden State Warriors vs. Cleveland Cavaliers tipped off at 9:00 p.m. Brock Lesnar and Samoa Joe took care of business with their pull-apart brawl while the show was bookended by The Hardy Boyz vs. Cesaro and Sheamus in a 2-out-3 falls match for the Raw Tag Team Titles.

  The rest of the show was filled with a lot of fluff, but there was an interesting development in the form of a Roman Reigns video package. Michael Cole announced that Reigns would reveal his plans for SummerSlam on next week’s show. It appears that Reigns won’t be a part of the Raw exclusive PPV next month and will focus on the biggest party of the summer instead. His promo will be newsworthy, to say the least.

  Finn Bálor was also kept tonight’s show, but he was given the video package treatment as well. Bálor not having a viable feud at the moment sucks, but I don’t want him on television unless he has a clear purpose. The creative team better live up to their name because Bálor is too talented to be sitting on the sidelines without anything meaningful to do.

  Raw should be locked in for the rest of the summer because they no longer face competition from the NBA Playoffs. The television real estate is light on content and it’s important that WWE strikes while the iron is hot. If not, let the summertime sadness commence.

    On that note, this wraps up another edition of The Raw Exposé. I hope you enjoyed it and I will be tomorrow night with a brand new installment of The SmackDown Files. See you later, boys and girls!

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Feather eyebrows are a trend now and it's tearing everyone apart

Eyebrows have made a strong comeback recently and, don't get us wrong, we're here for it. But maybe, just maybe, there are some eyebrow trends that are better left untouched.

Cue feather eyebrows- the latest edition to a long list of ever-changing, divisive beauty crazes flapping its wings and taking flight.

SEE ALSO: People are taping tiny succulents to their fingernails because the internet is weird

Makeup artist Stella Sironen first ruffled some feathers by posting the look on Instagram.  From there, #featherbrows was officially born.

so i'm starting this new brow trend please recreate it and wear it everyday and dont forget to tag me like and subscribe and hit that bell button🔔😩👌🏻 ALL credits go to my muse @leevittu he came up with this whilst brushing my eyebrows last sunday brow: glue stick skin: @maccosmetics Face&Body foundation C1, @maccosmetics pro longwear concealer NW20, a lot of Fix+ for the wet effect highlight: @katvondbeauty Alchemist Palette (Emerald, Opal, Amethyst) eyeshadows: @lipsicosmetics lipstick on the lid and @maccosmetics matte lipsticks in Frosting and Matte Royal mixed for the inner&outer corners mascara: @maccosmetics in extreme dimension lash mascara in Hold For 10

A post shared by Stella Sironen (@stella.s.makeup) on Apr 8, 2017 at 10:46am PDT

For the look, the hairs of the eyebrow are split down the middle using a glue stick, resembling, well, the quill and barbs of a feather.

Since the post, the bold brow has been tearing beauty lovers apart and sorting them into two categories: Hell Yes and Hell No.

Sironen uploaded another pic, this time defending the trend as a joke, but still encouraging others to recreate the feathered feature.

note to self: when u make a joke about starting a funny brow trend people will take it seriously and.... well. start the trend anyways THANK YOU for all the love and hate on my last pic! i think we should call this #featherbrows so if you actually want to recreate this, pls use the hashtag and tag me in the picture💘 skin: @maccosmetics strobe cream, face&body foundation c1, pro longwear concealer in NC15, fix+ highlight: @maccosmetics Double Gleam brows: glue stick + @anastasiabeverlyhills dipbrow pomade in Dark Brown eyeshadows: @maccosmetics Texture & Coppering lashes: @ardell_lashes Wispies lips: @lipsicosmetics Leros + clear lip gloss

A post shared by Stella Sironen (@stella.s.makeup) on Apr 10, 2017 at 10:44am PDT

And many people on the "Hell Yes" side did, using whatever they could get their hands on to start, literally, splitting hairs. 

I'm no @stella.s.makeup but I had to give this #featherbrows look a go. Honestly I know she was having a joke but for real this is great. Just a quick few brushes with a clear brow gel to separate and hold and added some gold ✨ my brows are particularly thick, so much so that the hairs just don't like to bend any other way so it didn't work out too well for me. Used @jeffreestarcosmetics Androgyny palette for the eye.

A post shared by Maighan (@mai_chameleon) on Apr 10, 2017 at 10:30pm PDT

#featherbrows THIS HAD TO BE DONE! Link in bio for full video on how I created these brows after seeing @stella.s.makeup 's post on these 😍😍 TEHE!!#feathereyebrows

A post shared by Chhimmi Dholkar Gurung (@callmechim) on Apr 13, 2017 at 10:07am PDT

Stunning & unique #Repost @paletteprincessss ・・・ The #featherbrows trend is everywhere and I know everyone has their opinions about it... but I love it! This gave me my first inspiration for an editorial look. I love editorial because it's different, messy, the imperfections make it perfect. So when I thought of feather brows this is what I came up with. 😊 please note this is just for fun, not something I'd wear to date night 😉 @benefitcosmetics ready, set, brow to hold brows in place @nyxcosmetics white liner (also used on lashes) @jaymanuelbeauty eye pencil in "OMG" Inspired by @stella.s.makeup Brushes: @morphebrushes #itsmylookbook #undiscovered_muas @itsmylookbook #muaunderdogs #makeuptutorial #makeuplover #makeupdolls #makeupjunkie #glamfairies #fiercesociety #farahcleopatra #contour #featuremuas #fortheloveofmakeup #anastasiabeverlyhills #benefitcosmetics #makeupartistsworldwide #brianchampagne #motd #liquidlipstick #muashootingstar

A post shared by supporting unknown MUA (@itsmylookbook) on Apr 13, 2017 at 9:47am PDT

Some Twitter users were NOT about it:

@Fashionicide lool looks so weird, who comes up with these things?

— #TheBloggersHub (@thebloggershub_) April 13, 2017

@Fashionicide 🤔😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆🙄🙈

— Kizzy Von Doll (@DaintyDollHouse) April 13, 2017

Whyyy? Why would one do that? WHYYYY?? Like seriously...Why? It's so...Why wud one do such a bizzare thing? WHY??#FeatherEyebrows #NewTrend pic.twitter.com/Lhi0e1c3Eb

— me_gauri (@gauri_mehendale) April 13, 2017

@AFeistyBanana Now just take your brush and feather it out... wait... not your eyebrows. pic.twitter.com/CJ6X51UXHX

— AppleCat^ↀᴥↀ^ (@AppleShrapnel) April 13, 2017

Today's trend: Feather eyebrows!!! 😂 just kidding PLEASE DON'T! #madeyoulaugh #muajoke #eyebrows https://t.co/4YB26TS4HZ

— Jeanne San Diego (@SxyGraffiti) April 13, 2017

Feather Eyebrows Definitely no no no for me 😂#beautytrends #beautytrend #mua💄 #eyebrows #notforme... https://t.co/n8gk22YK8e

— Claire Batten (@claireandrea16) April 13, 2017

Yay or nay for this new trend? If you're team "Yay," fly free and get to feathering.

WATCH: This paper can fold itself into a beautiful crane

[cinco-de-chocobo]

Angkot, Yay or Nay?

Since there is an explosion (almost diarrhea-like) of online services for transportation, Angkot has been slowly pushed aside as a possible choice by people. There’s been a debate about this issues for a while now. Some say Online Services should play by the rules, while others say Angkot should be able to cope with current development and deal with it.

So Angkot: Yay or Nay? The sort version of my answer is: I don’t know. But anyway, here’s the not so short and gibberish version;

Online Services

There are some familiar company names we’ve all heard; Uber, Gojek, and Grab. 

Gojek was founded in 2010, and Uber has been around even before that. But the usage of these online services don’t go crazy in Indonesia until couple years ago. I think it’s okay to assume that the growing numbers of online service customers is highly related to the increasing numbers of smartphone users. 

Looking at the bright side, these companies have done such incredible deed for modern society. Not only to transport human being, these online services go way beyond that with their products. Today you can actually order food, deliver packages, get a message, and even hire a cleaning service from a single app. What a time to be alive, yes? Not only the products, but the services are also great. I did meet a driver who’s quite ill-tempered (borderline rude) one time, but in general, the drivers are very patience and kind. 

But, just like there is always a yin for every yang, you can’t enjoy all the good things without some consequences. 

Few days ago there was a protest in Bandung, basically to confront these online services. This protest was initiated by an assemblage of Angkot’s driver. Their demands were pretty straightforward: if the government could not stop the online services to operate, they want justice to be upheld. Meaning, every online services must use yellow license plate and they should pay taxes. They also request the constitution (Permenhub No.32/2016) to be reviewed.

The companies, i think, handled the problems pretty well with compelling arguments. They agree to impose the use of specific license plate on every vehicle. But they reject the idea to limit the number of operating vehicles and refuse to set minimum standard price for every travel because the app already has a very accurate and systemic calculation.

There is no decision from the government yet, but fortunately the tension between these online services and Angkot has taken down a notch. Well, at least that’s how it seems. 

Few days ago, my friends and I ordered Uber to go somewhere. I inquire him about the recent incident. He said that after the incident a lot of Uber/GoCar/Grab’s drivers were afraid to operate. Even if some still operate, they were being extra careful to not attract attention because it is actually quite easy to distinguish Uber/Go-Car/Grab driver. Usually the driver turn off the AC and open the car’s window a little bit, they use cheap reams, and sometimes they use dashboard mount for cell phone. So in order to avoid any unnecessary conflict after the protest, they start taking precaution and sent broadcast messages to start closing the car’s windows and taking off the GPS mount. But the interesting part is, when I ask him whether or not he gain customers after the protest, he answered that it was just so-so and not much different from any other days. 

Angkot

In the other hand we also have Angkot, which has been a choice for public transportation since late 1970s. 

I, personally, never really use Angkot until i studied in Bandung, so it’s only been about 5 years now. Using angkot has its own merit. Of course it’s not as comfortable as a private car, but it does its job well for a reasonable price. Angkot had always been the cheapest way to travel from home to campus.   Until, of course, this all happens.

Long ago, the people, angkot, ojek, and buses lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Online Services attacked. Only the Government, master of all, could stop them. But when the world needed it most, it vanished. 

An acquaintance of mine, an Angkot driver, vent to me that lately he doesn’t make as much as he used to. Almost everyday it’s always deficit. This mister had to deposit Rp 80.000 daily for the car he rent. Sometimes he doesn’t reach the target so he had to add his own money to cover the shortage (one of the reason is perhaps because this mister is so very kind, he doesn’t even want to accept my fare unless i insist). Well, not to mention part of his income must be used to pay gasoline.

Hence, imagine a life where you don’t have enough money, your income is way below the minimum wage, and you have to support a family. What a life! After long-hour of work, coming home to a wife and children empty-handed and with an empty-belly, i couldn’t even begin to wonder how stressful of a life it must have been for them. Well, most of us doesn’t care enough to stand in their shoes and look at the world as the way they do. We live in our little perfect life with all our privileges, and we think that everything has to be about us. We are so self-centered that we ultimately fail to empathize. 

“Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an a**hole”  - Louis C.K

So it really triggers something in me when i saw a college student post something about these drivers. i don’t remember exactly what he wrote but more or less sound like this:

“Well, i’m not going to use Angkot anymore. It’s hot, it’s uncomfortable, it’s not safe, it ngetem for a really long time, it’s waste of time, it’s more expensive than Go-Jek now.”

The moment i read his status something went “SNAP!” in my head and i really feel to urge to slap some sense into his head. Well, i’m not a saint, i don’t have any right to judge anybody, BUT DAMN can’t we be anymore selfish than that?

Of course it’s hot, AC use more gasoline. Of course it’s not comfortable, maintenance cost a lot. Perhaps it’s not safe, well try to be more careful. Of course it ngetem for a long time, he tries to spend less money on gasoline. Perhaps it’s couple thousands more expensive than online based public transportation, but would it kill you to spend a little bit more to a person who really needs it?

What breaks my heart even more is the fact that he went to public university. Which means his education is subsidized by taxpayers. Did it ever occur to him, even once, to think, the very education that he has, is affordable because there is an Angkot driver out there who works night and day to deposit Rp 80.000 everyday? That deposit is taxed, in case you don’t know. 

So much for the title “MAHA”siswa we are so proud of. We are not even worthy of the name.

Verdict

I’m not anti-online-based-public-transportation but i do use Angkot as much as i can. If my Rp 2000 can contribute even just a little to make them suffer less, i’d be more than happy to do that everyday. But if, one day the government plan to eradicate the permit of Angkot, i hope they have plan B and not just turn their back on the drivers.

It’s easy for us to be apathetic because we don’t live in their reality. Sometimes we need to put aside our ego and humiliate ourselves more often. Because “true humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”

- BSW

[songofages]

BBC SHERLOCK,POST-REICHENBACH FIC, SEQUEL TO NEVER TO SEE THE STARS AGAIN AND AND THE STARS SHONE BRIGHTLY.

Characters: Everyone. Cept..maybe Harry. Ok maybe her.

Rating: PG or M I guess so far.

Summary: Following his recovery in Britain and overseas, Sherlock returns to London to resume his life. As he struggles to return his old world he finds himself facing new adversaries, new mysteries and new adventures. Follows Series 3. Sequel to And The Stars Shone Brightly.

Chapter 7: You See But You Do Not Observe

Hello. It's been awhile. A long while, a hiatus if you will. I wanted to continue this, but wasn't sure how. I don't know how long this one will be, how it will fit in with season 4 or if it will at all. But I did see season 4 and was inspired to write this in my head last night when I couldn't sleep. It's not quite what I started off with but It will do. Not sure if it fits in with the theme I have so far but I really wanted to try a monologue for a bored, slightly off, Sherlock. And there it is. When or if I write another chapter remains to be seen. I'm not well, I've doing tertiary study, I've just moved and am using mobile data as we speak to post this so it's done. (Yup still no internet after two weeks. No tv either.)

Anyway, I think this is as disjointed as my head is at the moment (aren't migraines lovely?) so have fun deciphering it. If you liked it and want to see more, please let me know, detail if you'd like.

Enjoy.

The human brain is a remarkable organ. It allows us to receive, interpret and process data. Much like a computer. And much like a computer we can do this at lightning speed. It's called seeing. The brain 'sees' not the eye. At least not in the way you might think. No, the brain tells you what you're seeing. The eyes simply send it the information. The brain interprets everything, without you even being conscious of it. Which is why you might correctly assume that the lady down the hall is having a bad day. Or that your neighbour didn't get home until quite late the night before.

You just know. And sometimes you're right. When you're wrong, well perhaps you misread the data. You saw but you did not observe. You assumed but you did not deduce. There are tropes in life, just as there are in media. And you can see them, every day. You may not notice it, but your brain does. It files it away for later use. But what if you could train your brain, to tell you what it sees. To tell you why it thinks that old Boris is stealing from the café or Sharleen is having an affair with Rob, again.

You need to look. Really look. No, closer. See inside and out. You can become the user to the interface that is your own subconscious.

Let's take a typical locked room mystery. Close your eyes and picture this for me. A man, let's say of average height and weight. Short hair, neatly trimmed. Not much data to work with yet. We can't quite see him yet. Let's give him a bit more of an image, shall we? His hair is…auburn and his eyes are brown. He's clean shaven and well dressed.

Can you see him now? Good.

He's entering a room without windows. It's small but suits it's purpose in life. A study. But there's no door. Why is that? Immediately your mind might have jumped to a 'secret door'. Perhaps it looks like part of the wall. Maybe it utilises a stereotypical bookcase routine. Or maybe he slid down a pole from the room above. Unlikely. But entirely possible.

Let's go with the the first one. Less clutter. The room is old, but the wallpaper is fresh. So is the door new, you say? Good question, not important yet. It's filled with antiques. There's an old stone fireplace that was stopped up years ago but the pottery above it is as old as it is. There's a painting on the wall of a sailing ship in turbulent weather. Old painting, new frame.

How are we going? Is the picture complete yet?

In the middle of the room is a desk. An old wooden roller desk with brass handles. But there's no keyhole on the cover. Old desk, new technology. Key's are easy, thumbprints and passcodes are a tad harder. The man sits down and slides across a silver square. Thumbprint confirmed. Thumbprints are unique, but he's careful. He's taken extra measures inside the desk itself.

In the centre is a laptop, slim and silver. Surrounding it is a mess of papers, many of them take the form of letters. Most are not in English. We can deduce much from this, if we were to observe the papers themselves but we will have to satisfy our curiosity in another way.

On either side of the computer are raised shelves, featuring at least two small drawers. One of these as keypad. From this, what can we deduce? There's something important inside, and it's something small. Could be money. It's usually money. See, a trope has arisen. Were we to stumble upon this scene in real life, see the drawer has been broken into, given the well dressed nature of the gentlemen and opulent home, money seems reasonable.

But why keep it in the drawer? In this day and age in fact. Why keep it at all? It's all data and code now, isn't it? An older man perhaps, we might assume this of him, but this man, can't be a day over 35. So, not money then. How big is the drawer? Let's make it roughly the size of an iPhone 6. It could be a phone itself. But no, if it's that important you'd keep it close.

So what was in the drawer? And what has this all to do with a locked room murder mystery? Well -

"Sorry?"

"Did you even hear a word I said?" The man grumbled, rubbing a hand over his eyes and sitting back down. The woman removed an earbud and asked him again.

"So no then."

"I listened at the start, but I sort of drifted out, if it helps, but mysteries aren't really my thing. I like westerns. And romantic liaisons in far off places. Sorry."

"No, it's fine. I was just defeating the entire point of the conversation anyway. Besides, murder mysteries aren't my thing either anymore." Saw but didn't observe. Idiot.

"I'm really just here to supervise. Like…." Don't say nanny, don't say nanny. "A nanny, if you'd like." Blast.

"I don't need a nanny. Or a supervisor. Mycroft is just a mother hen." The detective scowled and stood up in a huff, arms crossed over the loose flowing dressing gown.

"He seems to disagree."

"He could disagree with a brick wall. And he'd probably win. But I'm a grown man, and I think I can do things well enough myself, thank you."

The woman put down her book and shrugged. "It's not me you have to convince. I don't know him personally, I don't know if anyone does, but he's probably just worried about you."

Sherlock scoffed. "Then he can show it by buggering off. I need space! I tried to tell him that last week. But he thought I looked peaky. I'm pale and have cheekbones, I've been peaky since puberty."

"I think I've hit a nerve. Not really part of my job description. I'm just here to watch and…according to the contract, make sure you do not blow up the building or render it unliveable. But I'm sure we could come up with an arrangement that could satisfy both of us.."

"How much?"

"West End tickets. Two every fortnight, front row tickets."

"And in return…?"

"I'll turn a blind eye now and then. Big brother doesn't have to know if it isn't important."

"….deal."

The woman stood with a satisfied grin and shook his hand.

"I think this is the beginning of an interesting partnership than, Mr Holmes."

"This isn't a partnership, Miss Winter, it's a business transaction."

"Call it what you will. I am satisfied. However may I give you one word of advice before my shift is over?"

"Please don't."

Her face grew soft and serious. "I think you should try to listen to him. He's trying to help you. "

"I didn't ask for your opinion. But if it will put your mind at ease. I do. He doesn't. Good night, Miss Winter."

"Goodnight Mr Holmes."

P.S Should I join the local writers group despite only writing fanfiction? Yay, nay? It's once a month at the moment but they may be restarting the official town writers group if interest grows...

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

[drink-n-watch]

BoogiePop’s messy release schedule was driving me just a little nuts so I did the most reasonable thing possible and drove Shania a little nuts too. The results! We are almost caught up! Here’s everything that happened before this Friday! There Shall Be Spoilers!

go us! we wrote posts! YAY!

Boogiepop at Dawn – Episodes 12 & 13

The BoogiePop at Dawn 4 episode arc has been quite the rollercoaster. It started with what I believe is the best episode of the season then plunged right into the worst only to settle somewhere in the middle for these last two.

I definitely agree with you there Irina. But on the flipside, we finally get what I’ve been hoping we would get for a long time. More info on Nagi! Starting with her illusive father no less.

First we get a flashback episode to Nagi’s past and we finally get to meet her mysterious father. I gotta say, I was sort of disappointed with how ordinary he is. BoogiePop (the series not the phantom) has made a habit of creating these weird, disjointed, drastically underdeveloped characters and Mr. Kirima just didn’t stand out in any way. The only notable thing about him is that evolved humans liked his books.  In principal, that notion is actually very cool, but it came off rather dull in presentation.

He was a bit dull, but I did like how much his books were basically the driving force for most of the situations in this series. Especially since they are referenced to so much.

we just thought he was a little boring…there’s no need to take it this far! huh soilers

Was the little girl in the park a little BoogiePop?

Wait…there was a little girl in the park that looked like a little Boogiepop? How in the world did I miss that…

There was some throwbacks to earlier episodes, we got the sentence sometimes it snows in April again, proving that this wasn’t some odd mantra of the Imaginators. By the way, t is currently mid March and there’s a good 6 inches of snow on the ground right now. It was snowing quite generously all weekend as well. I really wouldn’t be surprised if this weather held up for another two weeks. I don’t get this expression at all. Is it suppose to mean something rather common but not guaranteed. Like sometimes it rains on a Tuesday?

I think what they are trying to get at is more psychological and metaphorical. Like sometimes unique experiences can happen whether we plan for them or not. It just matters how we deal with them when they come.

But it’s not unique at all. That’s my point.

this little girl…. not the same body but the same entity?

Besides the book thing, we found out the Nagi’s dad is divorced and that’s actually it. Next thing we know he gets murdered by synthetic megane same as scarecrow and his daughter takes it rather well, all things considered.

I think she just has a rather large capability to internalize things but I could be wrong.

The narrative has gone back to the nonlinear format which I liked. The sudden jump forward brought us back to a little after Scarecrow’s death which is still a flashback when compared to other episodes.

Synthetic megane teams up we now esper Nagi to hunt down whoever’s been murdering left and right. Let’s keep in mind that this particular synthetic already killed Nag’s dad when she was little, and her friend Scarecrow just recently. There’s a little sleuthing, nothing too impressive. They talk to one girl and Nai magically figures everything out so they go confront shrink lady who’s name I still don’t know. (Synthetic megane is called Sasaki, and hilariously Mo Murder!).

well um, I guess that’s an important distinction?

At this point we see an unrecognizable Pigeon bait and distract Sasaki so that he can get promptly murdered by psycho shrink while he simultaneously killed Pigeon. It took my awhile to figure out what was going on but apparently Pigeon was sacrificing herself to avenge Scarecrow nd n her last moments BoogiePop came to her in a scene paralleling her friend’s death. It would have been touching if I knew the first thing about Pigeon. I honestly thought that she had ordered Scarecrow’s death in the first place. Anywho, she dead now.

In a way it was rather poetic though. Especially with Pidgeon’s last line after Boogiepop told her instead of Heaven shes go to hell: “Heh, you’re right. Just like you.”

I did love Pidgeon aesthetic though. She might be a cool cosplay in the future.

I like her better with her blonde and pink hair. It helps sets her apart I find

see, it’s cool

Then Nagi and Shrinki face off in a swamp, after Nagi’s done all the work, BoogiePop appears and finishes her.

Again, this could have been exciting or at least cathartic if this shrink wasn’t the worst villain so far. Just plain uninteresting even when considered a madman evil with no viable motive. She didn’t even hurt anyone we care about so it’s not like we felt any sense of justice or retribution here.

It’s unfortunate that Nagi went from being a bedridden sick girl straight into being a superhero without BoogiePop bothering to show us that evolution. A training montage, an indication that she suddenly wants to solve crimes because of her father’s murder all batman style…something would have been nice. Nope, just jumpcut and apparently we’re a firewitch now.

True. A little explanation would have been nice.

don’t make that face

Nagi makes it back to have Sasaki die in her arms. Two synthetic humans have now sacrificed themselves for her, for no real reason. I assume that just like her dad attracted espers, she’s catnip to synthetics.

This would have been such a sad scene if Sasaki had any sort of personality or developpement other that “follow the plot”, well you get the idea.

At this point there’s a conversation between Nagi and BoogiePop. It’s one of those cryptic small talks at an inappropriate time, what with all the murdered bodies all around. We didn’t get any information or anything. What I got from it mostly is that at this point and time, Nagi and BoogiePop are on rather friendly terms. BoogiePop is impressed and interested by Nagi and has helped her out in a difficult situation. From what I can tell the feeling is mutual. So something must have happened to make their future encounters so frosty. Knowing this show, there’s almost no chance they’ll tell us what that was.

Which is a shame. Its really good for character development. Then again, that’s exactly what Boogiepop lacks.

And this is when I realized that I had forgotten that the entire arc was a story being told by BoogiePop to Echoes. We still don’t know where that weird red place is or why Echoes is alive but you know, I’m just going to let that one go.

oh yeah….you guys….

The King of Distortion – Episodes 14 & 15

The King of Distortion open with a familiar face. We catch up with Takeda some time after the Maticora arc and he’s reading an architecture magazine. I grew up around architects, several members of my family were architects including my mom who use to say that every time there was an architect in a work of fiction they were evil. It was a weird sort of mini persecution complex. I don’t think she was right at all but it always stuck with me. So yeah, I’m saying akeda is evil now!

There’s this new swoopy monument building and it’s the place to be apparently. It’s one of those decorative buildings that cost a fortune in taxes to upkeep but the government hopes it will encourage tourism so they brand it as a national treasure and source of pride. It looked pretty cool.

I like it….cause I don’t have to pay for it

So a crowd of people are there for the opening inclusion an assortment of Shinyo Academy students. We learn that the man whose building it is (I’m assuming the man who designed it) was some type of multi talented super genius who just recently passed away. It wasn’t specified by I’m going to assume it was under odd or mysterious circumstances. And yet, ironically he’s seen talking to little boy at the beginning of the episode. And leaves him with the ominous phrase of saying he was just reborn.

Takeda is also meeting Miyashita there for date s we’re setting up all our big players. However, when she gets there Boogiepop takes over and she ips away into the crowd. We’re quickly introduced to this arc’s baddie, The King of Distortion.

We are told that this entity wants to turn the world to gold. I should be annoyed by the cryptic nonsense of it all but I actually like that motivation. I dunno. It’s completely ridiculous yet so concrete that for some reason, it speaks to me.

oh…I was just talking to a supernatural entity that wants to turn the world to gold. Tuesdays! Am I right?

The King of Distortion seems to be able to trap people within their own minds and make them confront unresolved issues in their past. I’m not entirely sure why yet but as clichéd as it is, it’ also a mechanic I generally enjoy.

True. It is a quite overused trope, but I think the King of Distortion could actually be a decent villain this time. I hope.

Between the shrink lady last arc and this trauma facing/closure seeking character, I’m starting to think that the main thesis of BoogiePop is that psychiatry is evil!

Or straight up freaking confusing heh.

BoogiePop and I are freaked out by mannequins

Not that we have much of a moral judgement on the King of Distortion yet. So far they haven’t hurt anyone in any way. If anything they do really seem to be helping people. But BoogiePop considers them an enemy of the world so you know how that goes…

After a brief setup, both episodes mostly consisted of set pieces where the Kin of Distortion has conversations with various characters and makes them confront traumatic past experiences by taking the appearance of people from their past. These dreamscapes are very abstract and at times the narrative felt more than non-linear but downright non-sequitur.

This is a level of weirdness I like. It’s not pretending that everything is supposed to make sense. There is a surreal element. Heck the second episode turns into a kaiju movie at some point. But you can still follow along easily.

Heh, so true but I gotta admit it was a bit entertaining to see it go that way.

entertaining is a good thing!

We catch up again with Kentarou which we had seen briefly in the past. At this point, I’m starting to blur the manga and anime together so I’m not sure how much we’re supposed to know about the character but I always liked him. I’m happy to see him again.

I do remember that manticore killed his girlfriend, so there’s that.

I’m not sure he had a girlfriend?

Conversations with dead people is my favourite Buffy episode. Now I’m not trying to imply that BoogiePop comes anywhere close to it but there is something comparable in the mood and pacing of his arc. A bittersweet melancholy. Rather than having people turn into monster or cause their own doom through fear or greed, The King of Distortion is creating a hollow longing and cold guilt and offering up salvation. There something particularly disturbing about that.

I don’t want to call it a strong start or the most promising arc yet. I do that everytime and every time I get stung. BoogiePop knows how to start stories, it’s everything else that falls apart. But it’s a really strong star and seems very promising….

I’m scared to get my hopes up…

Since we didn’t write much today, cough, here’s a bunch of pics to tell the story instead. This is 4 episodes worth!

BoogiePop and Others Ep. 12-15 with Shania BoogiePop's messy release schedule was driving me just a little nuts so I did the most reasonable thing possible and drove Shania a little nuts too.

[ao3feed-aizawashouta]

by Hollow_Fan_Soul_55

Midoriya Izuku’s life has never been easy. Not since he turned four and lost his mom. Not since he was ten and had to endure harsh beatings from people who had willingly taken him in. Not since he got his quirk after a particularly violent punishment, and definitely not when he panics.

Can Yuuei really be a fresh start for the traumatized boy or will he find himself drowning?

My ideas that aren't anywhere near done…yet I'm wondering if I should work on them and then post. Vote in the comments yay, or nay, or even take them on yourself — but make sure to tell me, either in the comments or however you're supposed to so I can read them!! No need to use anything I wrote itself, just the idea or whatever.

Words: 3028, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of Bnha "Should I Continue?"

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Nedzu (My Hero Academia), Thirteen (My Hero Academia), Ectoplasm (My Hero Academia), oc Winder Amanda, oc Katsur Ishya | Ricoshay, oc Shiko Riyokoyumi | Eclipse, oc Chime Dachau | Soundwave

Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku

Additional Tags: Midoriya Izuku Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, past trauma, Past Child Abuse

[archienewling]

Imagine the cardboard box is a wooden counter. Imagine I’ve installed the sink and faucet, caulked the gaps along the foundation wall, and faced the toe kick. You can see it, yes?

I shared a preliminary design when I first started planning the laundry room. Now that it’s nearly complete, I wanted to share the floor plan and mockups in their own post. I stayed fairly true to the original vision.

I go back and forth between SketchUp and Photoshop when designing. Sometimes I think I should learn to render for SketchUp with Podium too, but should I really? (Anyone with experience there, is the learning curve steep?) I did learn how to make my renderings look like line drawings, and I’m like great. That’s one cool trick for now, let’s move on.

I can touch the ceiling easily (I have to pay attention when folding big things like bedding). It’s a weird old basement, not an ideal space, but the worst of it is in the corner by the gas meter. We have a secondary fridge downstairs and to the right of it, there are lots of pipes coming out of the wall, hooking up to the meter, and then running across the ceiling. It’s not the prettiest spot, but adding a cabinet instead of the antique treasure chest left behind from the previous owners is an improvement in storage. (Kind of a downgrade in terms of creepy magical items though.)

I’ve added more cabinets to the other side of the room and a pair of sconces above. There’s also an adjustable-height stool because I like to include a seat in the laundry room when possible. Sometimes we like to have a chat while one person is down there moving laundry from the washer to the dryer, or folding clothes. Or maybe there’s five minutes left in the washing cycle and I want to sit and scroll through Instagram? I don’t know. A seat comes in handy!

I could hang this abstract landscape painting above the counter and be done. But I got it into my head that I should paint my own thing because why not. Yay? Nay? It’s a laundry room. I may be overthinking the importance of its decor, but it makes me happy when it looks nice.

I’ll tell you what I was convinced I didn’t want, which is a sign that said “laundry” or “fluff ‘n’ fold” or “drop your pants” or whatever, until I saw this 8-foot vintage sign and I wanted it real bad. There are always exceptions.

I’ll share the counter-making process, and then it will be reveal time!

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