#Shop Our Yard

[chaoticcutiewhirl]

Even if we updated our pinned I feel like I should make myself known a bit more

So it seems I kinda ended up here by accident ╰(°∇≦*)╮

If you don't know who I am, I am Nicole Demara, wonderful leader of Gentle House Odd Jobs Agency, aka The Cunning Hares! In my source atleast. I am a fictive member of our system even though that term sounds weird but it does make sense, afterall this place is not New Eridu in the slightest. I am getting along well here (>▽<) and I should say She/her. Idk what else I could detail for everyone, just wanted to give an introduction of myself since I may appear more often than the guess Sylvia is thinking about another one who popped in recently. Still given the day I kinda came about, it seems like there was some poor timing given where we are living (ɵ̥̥ ˑ̫ ɵ̥̥ ), but hopefully it will turn out fine in the next few years (ゝз╹).

Anyway hope everyone else here is doing well! Ciao!~ 🩷

[pollenallergie]

ok ok okayyyy one last thot before i go to sleep…

i wanna turn billy knight into my househusband <3

sweet lil domestic man with his many talents <3

he was born to be a stay-at-home dad. i would make that happen for him. <3

[freelanceplatypus]

Literally was on the verge of crying but now I'm sitting on the patio in the warm sun eating a chicken sandwich and like...it's going to be okay.

[barrymccaulkinem]

the only monitor i have for my pc rn is the steam link in the living room so im on a very strict timetable if i wanna watch porn on a big screen

[midnightclover]

how r u doing, evil twin?

uhhh.. alright? technically.

been having no luck looking for jobs and have like 2 or 3 phone calls i need to make depending how you define "need"

also our bathroom is getting remodeled and kept running into issues. we've been at our dad's so it's not like we don't have a bathroom. but it's been nearly a month since we've seen our cats

but theres not anything super urgent. we're not in danger. so i can't really complain. better than school, better than college was.

and on the positive side of things.. ive been getting into ffxiv? and frieren was the best show ive watched. ever.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Honestly despite the commute to work sucking I kinda hope we get this house

I'll have (basically) my own bathroom (its the bathroom off the living room but theres also a master bathroom for my parents)

Its near a lake I used to go to with my grandparents when I was a kid. Like 5 minutes from it. Its on 3 acres so there'll be plenty of space. Theres hiking trails all over the place nearby.

[gaylienz]

The 7 R’s of Sustainability:

Did you know that ‘recycling’ is step 6 of the 7 Rs of sustainability? The other R’s are just as important even if they are often forgotten.

Rethink- Do I really need to buy this? The point of this step is to stop and think.

Refuse- Does this product damage the environment? If so, refuse to spend your money on it. i.e. single use plastics, harsh chemicals

Reduce- How much of this do I really need? Buy less! Buy in bulk when you can as it often equals less packaging to throw out.

Reuse- Can I use this product again? Can I fix what I have so that I don’t need to buy something new? Reuse that plastic water bottle a few times. And instead of buying new, try thrift shopping, flea markets, yard sales etc.

Repurpose- Unlimited creativity! Does this item have another use? i.e. old torn clothes can be rags or plastic cups can be planters.

Recycle- Can I recycle this? Not everything can be. There are also some important steps to making sure your recycling is done properly. If unsure, look up local recycling regulations.

Rot- Can I compost this? Food waste, yard clippings, newspapers and many other items can be composted instead of being tossed in the trash. Composting is surprisingly simple and helps reduce harmful greenhouse gasses from entering the atmosphere.

What is the point of the R’s? The number one benefit of the 7 R’s are the reduction of the amount of waste sent to incinerators and landfills. The EPA website provides a lot of useful information. Other benefits that we can reap from implementing these concepts in our life are (as listed on the EPA website): • Prevents pollution caused by reducing the need to harvest new raw materials • Saves energy from not making a new product • Reduces greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to climate change • Helps sustain the environment and natural resources for future generations • Saves money from processing our waste • Increases economic security by tapping a domestic source of materials • Helps create jobs in the recycling and manufacturing industries in the United States

https://www.northglenn.org/government/departments/public_works/trash/recycling.php https://www.nrdc.org/stories/composting-101 https://www.epa.gov/recycle https://www.northglenn.org/Recycling%20Article.pdf

[gomtotemeal]

And so a month after they built the fifth Wal-Mart in our county, a little coffee shop opened just a few yards away.  

My coworker Rick said it looked like a giant amoeba just waiting to absorb any surrounding properties.

“The coffee shop?” I asked.

“No, Wal-Mart is the amoeba.”

“Oh.”

When I got back to my desk, I typed ‘amoeba’ into Google and realized that I had incorrectly pictured a centipede.

“To hell with Rick,” I thought. “I don’t need any more friends, anyway. I’m on friend overload.”

At dinner that night, the Wal-Mart came up again when my wife Diane mentioned how ugly it was to see another gigantic shopping center taking up space in our town.

“It looks like a giant amoeba just waiting to absorb that little coffee shop,” I said. “And then the coffee shop is like a centipede.”

“I don’t think amoebas eat centipedes. And besides, that’s the point.”

Diane went on to explain that the coffee shop, though legitimate and functioning by all measures, was really an art piece constructed by a group of private donors in response to the new Wal-Mart.

“The idea is that we’re intentionally not supposed to go to the coffee shop. That way, Wal-Mart customers will be forced to observe the gradual decay of a local business every time they enter the store.”

“Well, I’ve been going there all week,” I said. “I think the coffee is top-notch stuff. Plus, it’s on my way to work.”

“The coffee is supposed to be mediocre,” said Diane. “Keeping within the budget of most struggling businesses. It’s supposed to be virtually undrinkable.”

“Hmm…well I really like it.”

“Well, you can’t keep going or else you’ll ruin the project.”

“This is America,” I said. “And if I want a cup of mediocre, overpriced coffee, by god I will have it!”

Over the next several months, I kept drinking the coffee. Some days I even went twice. The quality of the coffee, I was told, gradually worsened as a result of my unwavering interest, but I never noticed and so I had no choice but to doubt the rumors.

My doubt remained intact even after overhearing a private conversation between the coffee shop’s manager and the cashier. I was standing by a tree and watching a teenager back his car into another car and I guess they didn’t see me.

“I know,” said the cashier. “I’ve tried that, but it’s like he doesn’t have taste buds.”

“Well, he’s single-handedly fucking up this entire thing.”

“So what then, poison? Would he even drink poison?”

“Now, that’s an interesting idea.”

“Stupid teenage drivers,” I thought.

In the end, they poisoned the coffee. I made it a month after that, but my failing eyesight and ravaged kidneys eventually left me bed-ridden.

“Well, they just opened another location,” said Diane. “Business is booming. I hope you’re happy.”

And I wasn’t happy, but I was somehow content and I thought about everything then: Wal-Mart, art projects, even little amoebas crawling through the forest, one-hundred legs working beautifully in tandem.

“Nobody ever wins in these kinds of things,” said Diane.

“But if you had to pick a winner, you’d probably pick me because the coffee shop was on my way to work.”

Diane sighed and left the room. I dozed off and in my dream, they did pick a winner. They picked me and I was led over to a small stage to choose my prize: A brand new recliner or two new kidneys!

“The recliner,” I inquired. “How far back are we talking?”

[homunculus-argument]

I think life is at its best when you've got enough free time at your leisure to just have random shit happen to you, because you had the time to pause and look around you, and stop to see what this is all about if and when something does seem odd.

The midsummer holiday is this weekend, so I needed to go get all my friends their birthday presents. As it was a nice day and we needed to have our daily walk anyhow, me and my boyfriend decided to head to the shops on foot. The way there was uneventful, but halfway on our way home, we noticed a cyclist crossing the road with a little dog running at the bike's heel, and remarked to each other what an irresponsible way that is to keep a dog - not even on a leash!

But then the little dog halted at the sight of us, and the cyclist went on without even noticing that the dog was left behind. That's when we put together that the dog wasn't even with this guy, but all on its own, wagging its tail and looking right to us. A little cream-coloured poodle, with an apricot colour patch along its spine. A well-groomed, healthy and happy-looking puppy with a collar round its neck - it didn't look lost or scared at all, but like it was having an excellent time, playing unleashed and unsupervised in traffic.

We tried to lure the pup to us, with little success, but since it was clearly not scared of strangers, I figured it's best not to spook it by suddenly grabbing it unless I was 100% sure it wouldn't get away. And as I approached the dog, it ran off back the way it came, up a road on a hill, glancing behind itself as dogs do when they want you to follow, and it halted on the top of the hill.

But by the time we got to the spot where the dog had been, it had disappeared somewhere in the greenery shading the road. So instead of playing cotton-eye-joe - where did you come from, where did you go? - we decided to stop and ask someone nearby where the dog might have come from, to let the owners know that it had been spotted around here. We picked the first house to the left. There was a man building something at the end of the yard, and I was the one who addressed him there.

"Uh, sir? Mister?"

"Huh?"

"Do you happen to know who around here might have a little cream-coloured poodle?"

"Uh, we do?"

"Well it was running down the road in traffic just now. Came back this way, though."

"God fucking damn it."

So the man called his wife who came out with a leash, and the two explained that this isn't the first time the sweet little bastrd had managed to escape - as a matter of fact he had currently been building a proper kennel on their yard, to have something more escape proof than their garden fence. The dog showed up again as the owners called, but didn't want to be caught. Eventually it wandered close enough to me to be snatched by the collar - and even then didn't seem scared to be seized by a stranger, only disappointed that Unsupervised Unleashed Happy Fun Time was over.

The owners thanked us profusedly, and the man went back inside to fetch something, handing us an ice cold bottle of sparkling wine for us for our troubles. Which is now in our fridge. And I guess the next quest is figuring out what we're going to do with that, since neither of us drinks alcohol.

[grannyandgrandpascreations]

Mr. Rogers Did Not Adequately Prepare Me For The People In My Neighborhood Garden Yard Flag

Shop our Mr. Rogers Did Not Adequately Prepare Me For The People In My Neighborhood Garden Yard Flag! This is a perfect gift for anyone who wants to joke around with their neighbors. Our Garden Yard Flags make great Housewarming Gifts! Shop Granny and Grandpa’s Custom Creations other Garden Flags!

Garden flags are an exciting and easy way to express yourself and add some color and cheer to your home, your porch and/or garden especially with the many different options of Granny & Grandpa’s Custom Creations Garden Flags! Decorative and eye-catching garden flag to theme your home outdoor yard. Our Garden Flags make great Housewarming Gifts!

Granny & Grandpa’s Custom Creations can also personalize your Garden Flag with a monogram, your family name and much, much more; please reach out to us at grannyscustomcreations@gmail.com to personalize your Garden Flag.

Our designed is on a durable 11.81 x 17.72 inches, white single layer, polyester durable garden flag.

Fabric Care Instructions: Machine wash cold, no bleach, no softener. Do not dry clean. Do not iron. Air dry.

Due to different light settings the actual color might vary a bit from the pictures.

Flag post is NOT included.

All items are created or designed by Granny & Grandpa's Custom Creations. We also print and heat press our items using our professional, commercial grade heat press! Each design is made with High Quality, Heat Transfer Vinyl.

After a package leaves my hands with the post office, Granny & Grandpa's Custom Creations is not held responsible. Current Turnaround Time due to upcoming Holidays - 1-5 Business Days. While we always use priority shipping options, once shipped we cannot guarantee delivery due to the backlog current being experienced USPS/UPS/FedEx. If you have a strict deadline, please message me when ordering so that I can note any rush requests. Ownership of packages turned over to USPS transfers to the Buyer. We are not responsible for lost, held, damaged packages or delayed packages, once your package(s) leaves our Shop it is completely out of our control. Thank you for understanding!

Thank you so much for supporting our "small Granny & Grandpa's Shop", we truly appreciate YOU!

Please visit www.grannygrandpascustomcreations.com/shop to view more of our creations!

LET’S GET SOCIAL & BE FRIENDS! Like, Tag & Follow us for Our new Creations, Inspiration & Giveaways!

website/ www.grannygrandpascustomcreations.com/shop

facebook.com/ https://www.facebook.com/GrandpaHandmadecreations/

instagram.com/ https://www.instagram.com/grannyandgrandpacustomcreation/

goimagine.com/ https://goimagine.com/granny-and-grandpas-custom-creations/

pinterest.com/https://www.pinterest.com/grannyscustomcreations

#grannygrandpascustomcreations - #garden - #flags

Shop our Mr. Rogers Did Not Adequately Prepare Me For The People In My Neighborhood Garden Yard Flag! This is a perfect gift for anyone who wants to joke around with their neighbors. Our Garden Yard Flags make great Housewarming Gifts! Shop Granny and Grandpa’s Custom Creations other Garden Flags!

Garden flags are an exciting and easy way to express yourself and add some color and cheer to your home, your porch and/or garden especially with the many different options of Granny & Grandpa’s Custom Creations Garden Flags! Decorative and eye-catching garden flag to theme your home outdoor yard. Our Garden Flags make great Housewarming Gifts!

Granny & Grandpa’s Custom Creations can also personalize your Garden Flag with a monogram, your family name and much, much more; please reach out to us at grannyscustomcreations@gmail.com to personalize your Garden Flag.

Our designed is on a durable 11.81 x 17.72 inches, white single layer, polyester durable garden flag.

Fabric Care Instructions: Machine wash cold, no bleach, no softener. Do not dry clean. Do not iron. Air dry.

Due to different light settings the actual color might vary a bit from the pictures.

Flag post is NOT included.

All items are created or designed by Granny & Grandpa's Custom Creations. We also print and heat press our items using our professional, commercial grade heat press! Each design is made with High Quality, Heat Transfer Vinyl.

After a package leaves my hands with the post office, Granny & Grandpa's Custom Creations is not held responsible. Current Turnaround Time due to upcoming Holidays - 1-5 Business Days. While we always use priority shipping options, once shipped we cannot guarantee delivery due to the backlog current being experienced USPS/UPS/FedEx. If you have a strict deadline, please message me when ordering so that I can note any rush requests. Ownership of packages turned over to USPS transfers to the Buyer. We are not responsible for lost, held, damaged packages or delayed packages, once your package(s) leaves our Shop it is completely out of our control. Thank you for understanding!

Thank you so much for supporting our "small Granny & Grandpa's Shop", we truly appreciate YOU!

Please visit www.grannygrandpascustomcreations.com/shop to view more of our creations!

LET’S GET SOCIAL & BE FRIENDS! Like, Tag & Follow us for Our new Creations, Inspiration & Giveaways!

website/ www.grannygrandpascustomcreations.com/shop

facebook.com/ https://www.facebook.com/GrandpaHandmadecreations/

instagram.com/ https://www.instagram.com/grannyandgrandpacustomcreation/

goimagine.com/ https://goimagine.com/granny-and-grandpas-custom-creations/

pinterest.com/https://www.pinterest.com/grannyscustomcreations

#grannygrandpascustomcreations - #garden - #flags

[badjokesbyjeff]

I took my wife to a swingers club, I hope this wasn’t a huge mistake.

So after talking it over for the past few months my wife finally agreed to go with me to a swingers club. She wore a really cute skirt, so I knew she was more excited than she let on.

Anyway, we got there and the hostess greeted us and instantly could tell she was nervous so she offered us the use of a more private area so we could watch some of the other people a bit discreetly while we got comfortable with what happens there.

We ordered a couple of drinks and then got settled in and my wife began to relax bit and I could tell she was enjoying it more and more as time went on.

After a while another couple came over to our area and offered to join us and my wife enthusiastically said yes. Well, a couple drinks later and I’ll tell you my wife was relaxed enough that most of her shots were getting right on target and she was hitting her driver a solid 175 yards.

Anyway we’ll be going back to top golf next week and now I’m afraid she’s really getting interested in the lifestyle. A big thanks to the staff at Top Golf for turning the Mrs into a swinger. Now she’s shopping for a whole new wardrobe.

[marzipanandminutiae]

I hate how doing any kind of yarn craft basically means you can only produce plastic clothes or it's going to be 300$ in yarn minimum. Every yarn has some acrylic and the natural stuff is so wildly expensive. I would love to use 100% natural fibers but the options are limited

God, yeah. The price of natural-fiber materials is insane.

My average budget for like a full silk gown, trim and notions included, is around $200- and that's ONLY because I live near a discount fabric store that gets bolt-ends from big fashion houses and sells silk for like $10/yard. Wool is insane, for some reason- that place only has coating (heavyweight) and suiting (lighter but feels like plastic even though it's not), so making a dress or anything not outerwear from wool involves shopping online and some painful spending.

I just bought 6 yards of wool to make my Dream Dressing-Gown. It was $210 for JUST the wool- I still have to get lining fabric, possibly an embroidery machine pattern, embroidery thread (because my friend who's generously letting me use her machine only has polyester and rayon). Part of that was shipping from freaking Poland because finding a website that has non-stretch, dark green wool at any weight below "snow gear" in the States is nigh impossible.

(Or that actually discloses the weight in a meaningful way; that's another problem I've encountered. "Brushed wool!" Great, but how heavy is it? "It's wool!" Not helpful. It's like they can't fathom wanting to use wool for anything besides heavy outerwear. Which they probably can't, because that's all we're accustomed to seeing it as nowadays.)

Like I'm tempted to blame militant v*gans for the inaccessibility of silk and wool, but honestly, capitalism was probably just waiting for the excuse to turn all our clothes to crap. I doubt there's been enough outcry about them to push those fabrics out of reach, the way there has been for fur and leather (to clarify: pro-treating animals humanely, anti-plastic clothing, not opposed to the use of aforesaid materials if those animals are properly cared-for and humanely killed).

At least you can still find cotton and some linen things in stores- for now. They're still more expensive, though, and limited in what weaves are often seen. Cotton velvet, for example? Forget it.

It's so disturbing and frustrating.

[roboticchibitan]

I used to work at JoAnn's and let me give you a tip. Don't buy fabric there if you can help it. It's overpriced low quality crap. You can absolutely find fabric for just as cheap online and if you're a "have to touch it before I know if I'll hate it or not" person lots of online places sell samples.

Case in point: Robert Kaufman Kona solids. I've seen claims online that the Kona solid quilting cotton, which is the highest quality quilting cotton solids JoAnn's sells, is different and lower quality than the Kona cotton you can get at a quilt shop. I can't speak to the validity of those claims but I 100% would not be surprised if it were true. But let's set that aside and just see how JoAnn's prices measure up.

As you can see, the regular price at JoAnn's is $9.99. The regular price at this random quilting online store I spent 20 seconds on duckduckgo to find is $7.95. Sure, the sale price is 15¢ cheaper at JoAnn's. But JoAnn's is constantly playing this "our fabrics are cheap because they're on sale! Don't look at how much they regularly cost anywhere else" psychological warfare game which I do NOT appreciate.

I'm sure if you looked harder than the 20 seconds I spent on duckduckgo you could find Kona cotton for cheaper than JoAnn's has it and you wouldn't have to wonder about the quality claims. And all their fabric is like this. Maybe a decade ago it was a good deal but now? There's a reason they've gone bankrupt.

Just because I could, I compared fabric wholesale direct's price for solid color polyester Jersey knit fabric, which is regularly priced at $5.99 and is currently on sale for $5.09. JoAnn's comparable fabric starts again at $9.99/yard and that fabric is currently on sale for $6.99. There are 10 colors of the JoAnn's $6.99 fabric and 45 colors of the FWD $5.09 fabric FWD does free shipping over $99 and flat rate shipping at $7.95 for anything below that. Depending on how much you buy, you'll potentially be paying the same or less for the FWD fabric and 1. It's probably higher quality and 2. There's 4 times as many color options.

JoAnn's is good for if you need less than a yard and have the time and ability to go to the store in person. And yeah, if you're shopping in person, you don't have to pay shipping. But the quality of all their fabric is low and the "sale" prices are around the same as a place with higher quality fabric.

I buy embroidery floss and thread at JoAnn's cuz embroidery floss is cheaper in person than on DMC's website and you can't trust product photos of thread to be color accurate. And I buy sewing notions there sometimes cuz it's convenient. But even the scissors I spent $30 on there a decade ago (who knows how much they are now) were $17 at Walmart when I lost the first pair and had to replace them 4 years later.

Also they treat their employees like shit and currently no one besides store managers gets health insurance through them because the only full time position in their stores is the store manager. And even before the bankruptcy they shortstaffed and did everything in their power to avoid paying for benefits and overtime. It was the worst job I ever had and that's saying something because I worked at Walmart and had a "this creepy guy went to JAIL over what he did to me" experience there.

[klausysworld]

Apart of the Family

Loving Elijah Mikaelson wasn't an easy thing.

He pushed me away the entirety of the start of our relationship, he wouldn't talk about his feelings or his thoughts. Sometimes he thought breaking up would protect me from him and his family.

If I hadn't loved him so much then I would have left but I couldn't help but stay. We met in Mystic Falls when he was there to deal with Klaus and avenge his family. I had thought he'd left when Klaus daggered him so I was so happy when Damon woke him back up.

He came to my house even before getting his haircut to see me and he ended up staying the night before having to leave with plans to wake his family.

Rebekah didn't like me much to start out, none of them trusted me or wanted me in their house but that didn't stop Elijah from coming to mine. But if he wasn't with them, looking after them 24/7 like a father figure then they all started to fall apart.

He started to pull away again, so I had to confront the Mikaelsons myself, which was admittedly terrifying but overall worth it when Klaus's eyes shimmered with respect and I got to shove past Rebekah and up the stairs of the mansion. Elijah was practically feral after listening to me stand up to his siblings.

His mother liked me, although I'm not really sure if that should be taken as a compliment or an insult. Elijah liked it though. I think he's always sought approval from his parents.

He was distraught when he found out his mother planned to kill them. More broken then any of his siblings could ever know. He made me promise not to tell them that he'd been sobbing into my chest for over two hours that night.

We left for a little while, Elijah needed some time and I jumped at the chance of having him alone for a little while before he was inevitably called back.

We'd been living such a domesticated life We had our own house, yard, stupid white-picket fence.

Even though I knew it was impossible, I started to dream of having his child. I knew he'd been the perfect father, he had a thousand years worth of practice.

I could imagine if we had a son, he'd be all dressed in his little suit with his hair combed neatly. Elijah was just perfect, but he couldn't have children so I wouldn’t either.

I thought I was happy with that, until I found out that Klaus was having a baby.

It wasn't fair. He didn't even want a child and neither did Hayley. Elijah was the only reason the child stayed alive and Klaus still daggered him.

"I promise you, I'll bring him home." He told me when I'd found out he wasn't even in the house somewhere but under Marcels mercy.

"Klaus." I whispered, I could feel my eyes getting wet with tears and he sighed.

"I wouldn't let him get hurt. I know you think I'm selfish and I use my brother...to an extent that's true, but I do love him and I know that you do. He'll come back and I'll undagger him before the baby is even born." He promised and I didn't have much room to argue. Instead I just went back upstairs.

Even Rebekah came which was a nightmare. I don't know what her problem was for me but somehow my favourite Mikaelson in that house was Klaus.

Until Klaus finally brought him back.

I didn't care that Rebekah was pissed that I got to hug him first, I refused to let him go and he didn't seem to be budging much either. I could feel his face nuzzling my neck as I breathed in his scent.

"He made us stop at a suit shop on the way over, he refused for you to see him all dusty and-"

"That's enough, Niklaus. Just leave us be." Elijah muttered and I sighed in relief at the sound of his voice.

By evening I was snuggled up to his bare chest, his hands on my back as he pressed a series of kisses to the top of my head.

"I love you." He mumbled and I smiled, he didn't like saying it often. He worried it would lose it's meaning.

"I love you too." I whispered, wanting nothing more than to lay with him forever.

Things got better and worse from then.

Everything was Klaus centred again of course. When wasn't it?

But I did feel bad for him, to have to go as far to fake his child's death. It was the first time I'd ever hugged him, I could feel his tears on my neck as he tried to sniff them back. Elijah was looking at me from across the room, a slight nod to his head as he finished the phone call with Rebekah.

Things were quiet after that.

But then everything went wrong again, Esther and Mikael came back. Elijah's 'Red Door' opened and he almost suffocated me in his sleep.

He wouldn't touch be for almost a month, not even hold my hand, it was torture. It took a very hash breakdown and a really long cry for him to finally wrap his arms around me and apologise.

It was really hard for a while, but seeing him with Hope in his arms did something to me. It broke me.

That was when Rebekah finally realised we weren't that different. She sat with me on the bathroom floor whilst I sobbed over not being able to have his child and we stayed there until Elijah came in and found us. I wouldn't tell him what was wrong and ended up leaving for a a few hours but it was obvious that Rebekah had spoken to him about it by the time I got home.

He welcomed be back into his arms and he held me tight, caressing my arms and my back before finally breaking the silence.

"I truly refuse to believe that with the amount of magic in this world, that there is no possible chance of me being able to give you a baby." He whispered and I sniffed.

"You're dead Elijah, your sperm is dead." I mumbled and he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Witches bring people back from the dead, I think they can revive a couple of my swimmers." He chuckled and I let out a half cry/half laugh.

"You really think that?" I whispered and he kissed the side of my face.

"I'm at least going to try." He murmured.

It wasn't really mentioned again for a while so I assumed that it had just been a fleeting idea to calm me down.

That was until I walked into our room and found it covered in candles and rose petals. Elijah was stood in a fresh suit, his hands clasped together with a rose between them.

"What..." I mumbled and he let out a shaky breath.

"I found a witch." He stated and my brows pulled together for a second before the realisation washed over me.

"You did?" I whispered and he nodded. I dropped my bag down and made my way inside, standing in front of him and taking the rose from his hands, placing it down on the vanity. "Are you sure that it'll work?" I asked and his lips twitched.

"There's only one way to find that out." He murmured lowly, his umber eyes bleeding into obsidian.

I reached up to carefully undo his tie, my fingers unloosing the fabric in the way he liked to do it so that it wouldn't stretch or 'fold funny'. I pushed his blazer down his shoulders and rest it over the chair before reaching up to undo each button one by one. I made sure my fingertips brushed over the firm muscle of his chest before pulling the shirt off his arms and onto the chair as well.

My eyes glanced up to his as I loosened his belt, slipping it away from his hips and popping the button on his trousers. He let out a soft sigh through his nose as they dropped down to his ankles and he stepped out of them. I let him take his boxers off whilst I unbuttoned my dress all the way down and slipped my panties off and reached back to get my bra off.

His hand was round my waist, pulling me to bed in a second making me smile and lean back into the mattress as he hovered over me.

"I promise I'll give you a baby, Y/N." He uttered and I felt my heart and lower stomach flutter.

His hands stroked down the length of my body before my thighs were gripped and pushed open. I bit my lip to hold back my grin as his lips worked their way down from the top of my neck to my navel.

"Does this help make the baby?" I whispered with a breathy laugh as his hot breath stimulated my clitoris.

"It might." He murmured with a grin before his tongue licked a strip through my folds before focusing on my clit. My head went back, resting against the pillows and my legs fell open against his hands that gripped my thighs firmly. I looked up at the ceiling through heavy eyes as his tongue swirled perfectly. Heat stroked me so precisely that I was a trembling mess in a matter of seconds. It always amazed me how easily he broke me.

It never took long before my fingers were latched into his hair, ruining the neat appearance he always held and forcing groans to vibrate through my lower body and set fire to my core.

I never received any time to recover before he was cupping my face and lifting my legs, hushing my whine as my leg was stretched over his shoulder.

"Look at me, darling." He murmured but his voice was somehow always clear. I did as he said, my eyes locking with his as I felt him push inside me; stretching and filling me inch my inch until all the air was gone from my lungs.

His lips pushed to mine, filling my mouth with his tongue and teasing mine. "Elijah..." I moaned quietly against him and he pulled away with a groan, looking down at me and kissing my forehead as his hips drew back before pushing forward with force. I let out a sharp breath as he did so, my hands cupping his neck and my nails scratching the back of his head. "Gods..." I whispered and he let out a low hum as he build a steady rhythm to move against me.

"I can't wait to pump you full of my child." He uttered, his eyes swirling with that familiar darkness. I panted with a smile on my lips, feeling my leg strain as he pushed be deeper into the bed and moved quicker. "Feel you milk me of my last drop." He breathed out as his mouth now hovered back over mine, making my skin hotter and hotter. "See you round and swollen..." He grunted, his body stuttering before getting a little rougher.

His grip started to get tighter, his fingertips pressing bruises into the skin of my thigh and hip. The veins starting to scatter beneath his eyes and down his stubbled cheeks. My hands slid round from his neck to feel how they raised against the pads of my thumbs.

"I need you." I whispered and his brows furrowed.

"You have me." He muttered, thrusting particularly hard as if to make a point. "All of me."

"Prove it." I breathed and his blunt nails dug in a little before one of his hands let go and slid down my body to massage my clit so well that I knew that was it for me.

His other hand was round my throat, forcing me to look back at him as his warmth started to fill more and more, one thrust at a time until he stayed completely still above me. His forehead rest against mine, his skin warm on mine as he shifted to kiss my lips.

"I promise you, by the end of the year, you'll be carrying our child and I'll be massaging you until you're perfectly sated." He smiled and I mirrored it as he shifted so that I was laid on top of his firm body. "We should lay for a while...so that it can take." He whispered and I hummed.

"I'd lay with you forever."

"Always, and forever." He corrected softly.

[mischievousmoony]

𝚌𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐

⟢ poly!marauders x fem!reader ⟢ you go costume shopping with your boys ⊹ 1.6k ⟢ warnings/tags: no warnings, muggle au, no use of y/n

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

“RAHH!” James shouts, suddenly jumping out of an aisle and into your and Remus’ path. He has on one of those creepy rubber clown masks and his hands are up, his fingers splayed wide to accentuate the zombie skin gloves he’s wearing. 

You and Remus stare blankly at him, unfazed by his attempts to scare you both. For a couple awkward seconds, he remains in his “scary” pose as if one of you will suddenly remember to react. Remus just pats him on the shoulder sympathetically. 

James pulls the mask over his head with one of his zombified hands. “Oh come on. You can’t tell me this isn’t creepy!” he says, shaking the limp mask in front of your faces. 

You watch the mask jiggle in his hands, the eye holes stretching under the weight of it. 

“It’s actually much creepier like this,” you say, grimacing. Remus chuckles, nodding in agreement. 

James look at the mask and turns his wrist so that the mask looks back at him. “Heh, you know we could hang this from the porch to scare trick-or-treaters.”

“We have enough porch decorations as it is,” Remus says. Although, he normally wouldn’t deny the purchase of a few additional halloween items every year. You and James share a certain enthusiasm for the holiday. By the time September rolls around, the two of you already have the house alive with Halloween spirit. And each year, you like to add some new decorations to your collection. 

However, Remus isn’t partial to the idea of hanging up a rubber clown mask in front of his home. To be honest, neither were you. You’d much prefer new skeleton heads to adorn the graveyard display you’ve built in your front yard. 

James could tell by your faces it’s a no-go, so he tosses the mask carelessly onto the shelf of the nearest end cap. 

“Hey, hey, put that back where it came from,” Remus scolds him. 

James smiles sheepishly, reclaiming the mask from the shelf and turning on his heels to return it to its rightful place. You and Remus follow him down the aisle and to the back wall where he hangs it back up, along with his zombie gloves. 

“There you guys are.”

The three of you turn to find Sirius approaching from the same direction you’ve just come from, his arms full of several plastic costume bags. 

“Oh boy,” you comment, already knowing what’s about to happen based on the devilish smirk Sirius is sporting. 

“What’ve you got there?” James asks, snickering to himself, completely aware of exactly what Sirius has. It’s tradition at this point. 

“Oh, just some costume ideas for our lovely girl,” he says. He holds one of the glossy plastic bags in front of you. “Wouldn’t this just look darling on her?”

You peer down at the costume, the upside down text just what you expected it to be. 

“Sexy Nurse,” you read aloud, your tone a blend of distaste and maybe a little amusement. Sirius does this every year, and while he never actually expects you to wear any of these ridiculous costumes, he sure has fun imagining what you might look like in them. 

“Or you could be the Hottie Doctor. I don’t discriminate,” he jokes, holding up a nearly identical costume, both being too-short white dresses. The only major difference is that the doctor one seems to come with a plastic stethoscope. 

“Yes, because nothing screams gender equality like the… Naughty Maid?” you snort, carding through the other costumes in his arms. 

“Don’t ignore the cop costume,” James snickers, pulling it from Sirius’ stack. His eyebrow quirks as he studies the garment. “Actually… yeah let’s turn our attention to the sexy cop costume please.”

He pulls the bag from Sirius’ arms, turning it around to show you the skimpy costume.

"On Duty Cutie?" you read from the bag. “No. No way am I being any of these for Halloween.”

“Oh, I’m not saying you should wear this for Halloween,” James says suggestively. “Do these come with the handcuffs?”

“Ha. Ha.” You make a show of rolling your eyes before swiftly averting your gaze, hoping he doesn’t notice the way your cheeks heat up. 

But of course he does anyway. He smirks and reaches out to tilt your chin up, but you lurch away, and his face instantly falls at your rejection. 

“You smell of rubber from those zombie gloves,” you complain, scrunching your nose in distaste. 

“It’s not that bad, is it?” he asks, lifting his hand to Remus’ face. 

Remus takes James hand to his lips, pressing a kiss on the back of his knuckles as he inhales. “You’re fine. You know how our darling is sensitive to certain smells.”

“Like my Christmas cookie candle,” James says sadly. 

Your face screws up in disgust. “Eugh. Attempting to turn baked good into candle scents is a cardinal sin. They never smell right.” 

“And that’s why I’ve banished my favorite candle to the guest bathroom.”

James’ pouty face pulls on your heartstrings. You sigh as you lift his hand and press a kiss over the same knuckles that were just upon Remus’ lips. 

“We all make our sacrifices,” you say, trying not to grimace at the rubbery scent of his fingers or imagine how many other hands shared that glove before your boyfriend. But that’s neither here nor there, because his beaming smile makes up for it. 

“Come now,” you continue, “let’s put these back and look for some real costumes.” Like James, Sirius isn’t likely to put much care into returning the costumes to where he found them, which is why you decide to take the lead. 

You revel in the way they so quickly fall in line, the three of them instantly following your lead, becoming your doting shadows. 

The four of you make quick work of replacing the costumes Sirius picked out on, and have moved onto perusing the nearby area for real candidates. 

You pick up a Dorothy costume from the Wizard of Oz. You squish the bag as if you’ll be able to feel for the quality of the costume through the thick plastic. 

From what you can see, the quality of the dress doesn’t seem to be half bad. And it’s actually quite pretty; not at all as revealing as most of the women’s costumes are.

“That would look nice on you,” Remus says as he comes up behind you and wraps an arm around your waist. 

“If only Dorothy’s counterparts looked as nice,” you say, hanging the costume back up between a boxy, metallic tin man costume and a cheap-looking cowardly lion onesie. 

You move on to the end of the aisle, where you find James and Sirius giggling to themselves in pointy hats. 

“Look, we’re wizards,” Sirius as says as they turn around, revealing the long beards of coarse gray hair they’ve put on. 

“How’s this for a costume?” James chuckles as he fits one of the pointed hats snugly over your head. 

“You’d make a pretty witch,” Remus says as he allows Sirius to adorn him with one of the beards. 

Sirius hums in agreement as he straightens out the beard. “And we're pretty much under your spell already,” he says adoringly. 

You cast Sirius an amused glance as you remove the hat to inspect its quality. 

“As much as I love the beards on you,” you joke, “witches and wizards are a bit overdone.” 

“You say overdone, I say classic,” Sirius says, adjusting his hat pointedly. 

You consider Sirius’ point. “Well, something classic could be fun.”

“Like vampires,” James says.

“Werewolves,” Remus says for the sake of listing classic costumes, but the scrunch of his nose tells you he doesn't like the sound of dressing in faux fur and flannels for Halloween.

“Or a witch and her wizards,” Sirius says, throwing his arms up to gesture at your current getup.

"You really want to hide that pretty face behind that beard?" you ask, slightly teasing.

Sirius defeatedly strips his beard and hat.

“What about zombies,” James proposes, half joking as he adds, “We could all get those gloves you like so much.”

Although those gloves were abysmal, the idea sparks some inspiration. 

“Wait, are you seriously considering zombies?” Sirius asks, recognizing the pondering look on your face. 

"Not exactly. It's definitely gonna be a 'no' to those gloves. But there are other ways we could do an 'undead' look."

"How do you mean?" Remus asks. The typical image of a zombie that pops into his head doesn't look to appealing, but he's sure you'll have some kind of spin on the idea that will make him love it.

"We could lean towards a skeleton look. Like exposed bones instead of rotting flesh."

"Doesn't exposed bones imply rotting flesh?" Sirius asks, being cheeky.

"Not if we do it right," you defend. "I think we could paint them on very tastefully. We could go for a cold, blue kind of dead look."

"Like corpse bride!" James lights up, listing one of your favorite halloween watches.

"Exactly!" you respond with just as much enthusiasm. "And we could do tattered, but fancy, old timey clothing."

Sirius nudges James. "If we go for this costume we could sit out in the graveyard the two of you put together to give out candy."

You didn't think James could possibly perk up more, but he manages to surprise you.

"We could play dead and scare anyone who walks up!" he says, practically buzzing with excitement. In another life, you think James would probably go into the haunted house business.

"So, it's settled then? We're being undead for halloween?" Remus asks.

By the grins on all of your faces, it seems you've come to an agreement.

"We should try the thrift store for clothing," you say. "I don't think I've seen anything that really aligns with my vision here."

The boys nod in agreement, but before you all head out you add, "Let's look at the face paint here first. And maybe some new bones for our graveyard?"

Remus smiles. "Of course, darling. Lead the way."

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

[gardenvarietydemon]

I've just realized that Aziraphale is A) brilliant and B) the very best husband.

I knew that but I just realized a thing that he did that I didn't catch before.

He says they both get plenty of use out of the bookshop because obviously Crowley has been staying there a good bit, probably because it's one of the only places that hell can't grab him from.

Hell can even grab him from his car.

When Aziraphale goes to Edinburgh he insist on taking the Bentley even though the train would be faster. He doesn't just ask to borrow it he insist it is 'our car.' He doesn't just say that it's their shared car, he treats the car like it belongs to him, he changes the color he changes the way it sounds. He makes sure the Bentley is completely attached to him to the point that it follows him and listens to his commands.

That's his car now. We even see that shax has to get permission to enter the car. Even when Aziraphale leaves for heaven the car is still playing his choice of music. And if the car is his in the same way that the book shop is his, he made sure that no one could just grab Crowley from the bentley and drag him to hell again. This is especially important if the bookshop isn't technically Aziraphale's anymore because Crowley would still have a safe space to stay.

Also the fact that they're able to use the Bentley as a walkie-talkie kind of makes me wonder if they're going to be able to use it to communicate later on. They're not talking but they're sending each other messages by what's playing on the radio. They're not talking but Aziraphale knows exactly where Crowley's going. Hopefully to Edinburgh to get that suitcase, Aziraphale probably left in the grave yard. Then hinted to Crowley was a clue.

He is so clever and I love him.