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[lavnderwonu]

the boy next door | jeon wonwoo

pairing: idol!boyfriend!wonwoo x fem!reader

genre: secret relationship, established relationship, smut

summary: sneaking around with your secret boyfriend.

warnings: smut (!!!), little plot lol, wonwoo as your secret boyfriend, softdom! wonwoo, wonwoo is hot (yes that's a warning), mirror sex (kinda?), pet names (baby), praise kink, size kink AHEM, clitoral stimulation, fingering, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, creampie, reader has to be quiet, hint at another round.

word count: 1.9k

author’s note!: when i tell you this concept has been on my mind for weeks... i'm not lying. the wonwoo brainrot was hitting HARD when i was writing this. i was originally going to make it a secret situationship but im a #1 hater of that whole thing so relationship it is. plus i just think it'd be hot. who wouldn't want wonu as their secret boyfriend? anyway, let me know what you think, i appreciate feedback! 🩷

click here to join my taglist!

Your phone buzzes on your nightstand as you’re in your bathroom, going through your night time routine, just like any other night. As soon as you make it to your phone, it’s stopped ringing. Unlocking it, you see a notification.

Wonwoo

Missed Call

Your boyfriend. Well, only you knew he was your boyfriend, anyway. Although you’d be lying if you never posted any “soft launches” of you two, whether it was an extra iced americano on your counter, or a very obvious mystery man driving while you sat in the passenger seat.

Before you can even call him back, he’s already texting you.

Wonwoo: are you awake? Wonwoo: i saw your story earlier. you looked nice.

You went out earlier in the day to run your usual errands, which usually consisted of shopping of some sort, then wandering around a bookstore. You threw on a cute floral mini dress, and for good measure, you promptly decided to take a picture in your full-body mirror hoping a certain someone would see.

You laugh to yourself, typing out a reply.

you liked it? well you’re too late. i’m in my pajamas now.

It was only 11:30 pm, so maybe it was a tad early for pajamas for some. But for all you know he was probably in sweats playing some game on his phone or reading a book.

Wonwoo: i don’t care, you always look pretty baby Wonwoo: come over here

He lived down the hall from you, with his roommate and best friend, Mingyu. His apartment was easy access, but pretty risky if Mingyu was there, so usually Wonwoo would just come over to yours.

You're about to ask is mingyu there? until he answers the question before you even finish typing.

Wonwoo: mingyu’s gone

You bite your lip, typing a reply. Fuck, you can’t say no.

on my way

You toss your phone on your bed, quite literally, quickly getting yourself ready, you decide to put on your favorite lavender-colored bra and matching panties underneath your pajamas you already had on. Your favorite color; and a different variation of his.

Going down the hall from your apartment, you reach his door, quickly knocking a few times before he answers.

“I thought you were joking when you said you were in pajamas,” Wonwoo jokes, examining you as you walk in. “You were serious.”

“Shut up, it was getting late.” You blush, as you damn near fight the urge to jump him, cause damn. He looks too good, even in a hoodie and sweatpants.

“You look cute,” He pulls you close to him, his fingers sliding underneath your shirt to grip your waist. “Can’t wait to take them off…”

You lean into him, fingers lightly threading through his hair that’s gotten so much longer recently.

“How much time do we have?”

“Hours.” Wonwoo responds, confident. “Mingyu said he was going out with Jungkook, they’ll probably be out half the night drinking.”

His hands slowly slide up your back, sending your heart thrumming in your chest, you’re unable to deny the effect he has on you.

You both know you’d eventually have to go public with your relationship, but for now, you’d just enjoy the adrenaline rush you get everytime you’re alone together.

You make it to his bedroom, in a heated kiss, you back away to safely removing his glasses and placing them on his nightstand.

Kneeling on his bed in front of him, you quickly tug at the hoodie he has on. “Off.” You order him, and he obeys, pulling it over his head.

He tosses to the floor, before kissing you again, his hands slide up your shirt, groping your breasts lightly through your bra, making you softly moan against his lips. He breaks the kiss and his lips softly trail along the corner of your lips, to your jaw, and onward.

You begin working on unbuttoning your silky pajama shirt as Wonwoo trails wet kisses down your neck. His hands take over, effortlessly unbuttoning it. Your eyes glance over to the mirror on the wall, giving you a full view of you kneeling on his bed and him towering over you.

He slips your shirt off your shoulders, and his eyes briefly follow your gaze, realizing what you’re looking at.

“Are you watching yourself in the mirror?” Wonwoo says into your ear, giving you chills.

“Uh-huh.” Your breath shaky as you reply, nodding.

“Turn around.” He suddenly demands, kissing behind your ear before you turn around, your back now facing him.

Wonwoo wraps one arm around your torso, holding you against his sturdy chest. His hand lightly touches your chin, turning you to face the mirror again.

“Keep watching yourself, baby.”

You watch as his free hand slips underneath your pajama shorts, his fingers lightly ghosting over your clothed clit. You gasp as your hips jolt, desperately seeking out more friction.

“Wonwoo…” You gasp, gripping his arm tighter.

His hand slides underneath the elastic of your underwear, applying firm pressure as he circles your clit, before you feel his fingers slide down between your folds and he mutters a breathy fuck against your neck when he feels how wet you are already.

“You’re already dripping for me, baby.” Wonwoo says deeply, voice slightly muffled into your neck. “Couldn’t wait to see me, could you?”

He’s expecting an answer, and it’s impossibly hard now that he’s sliding two fingers inside you, expertly curling his fingers to find that special spot that you often couldn’t reach yourself.

“N-no, I couldn’t… thought about you all day.” You cry, nails digging into his forearm, and he’s seemingly unfazed by it. His fingers pound into your sweet spot, making your head fall back against his shoulder.

“Fuck, look at how pretty you look.” Wonwoo says, glancing at your reflection, your brows furrowed as you focus on the feeling of his fingers inside you.

“I’m so close…” You whine, turning to bury your face in his neck as you inhale the sweet scent of his cologne like you never want to forget it.

“I know, baby. You’re fucking squeezing my fingers.” Wonwoo grunts as your walls clench around his fingers. “Let it go, I got you.”

Your legs shake as you grip onto his forearm for dear life, desperate for something to hold onto. A cry of his name leaves your lips as you cum, your heart racing, panting trying to catch your breath.

“That’s my girl.” Wonwoo turns to kiss your forehead gently, his fingers slip from your dripping center, brushing your clit one last time and the friction is enough to make you wince.

He releases his hold on you, and you turn around to face him, kissing him needily. “Fuck me,” You whisper against his lips. “I need you.”

“So needy…” Wonwoo playfully mocks you, suddenly turning into his unintentionally adorable self, as if he didn’t just pull a powerful orgasm out of you moments ago. “Don’t I at least get to enjoy this cute little set you wore for me?” He pulls off your shirt, even though it was already damn near falling off anyway.

You blush, kissing him again.

“We don’t have time for that.” You chuckle, already feeling somewhat anxious that Mingyu is going to walk into the apartment at any second.

Wonwoo can read you like a book, and he notices right away. “Hey, there’s no rush.” He says gently, as his hands reach behind you to unhook your bra.

You slide it off the rest of the way, then toss it on the floor. “I know, I’m just enjoying this. I don’t want to be interrupted.” You drape your arms over his shoulders as you press your body against him, kissing him fervently. You moan against his lips as you feel his hard cock pressing against you.

You slide your hands down his chest, reaching to loop your fingertips into the waistband of his sweatpants. “Take these off, baby.” You whisper as you kiss his along jaw a few times, before you grope his length through them for emphasis. “Please.”

Wonwoo gently nudges you to fall back on his bed, and you sit up on your elbows, eagerly watching him as he obeys you, taking them off. “Better?” His gaze meets yours as you look him over.

You eagerly nod, lifting your hips for him as he rids you of your pajama shorts you still had on, along with your soaking wet underwear.

“How do you want it, baby?” Wonwoo huskily asks you, removing his underwear. He curses under his breath as he watches you bend your knees and spread your legs apart, allowing him full access to you.

You gasp as you feel him suddenly pull you further down on his bed, quickly followed by a whine as you feel the weight of his cock on your clit. You sit up on your elbows to see him dragging his cock through your folds, coating himself in your wetness.

Both of you can only watch, breathing heavily.

“Wonwoo…” You whine his name, gripping the sheets beneath you as the tip of his cock bumps you clit again. You both watch as he lines himself up with your entrance, finally pushing inside you.

“Look at that.” Wonwoo grunts, watching you take every inch, feeling your walls stretch to accommodate him.

“Fuck…” You throw your head back, a soft moan falling from your lips as you feel so full. “You’re too big…”

“You take me so well…look at you.” Wonwoo praises you, as his hands come up to gently stroke your inner thighs, and it’s enough to get you to relax. “You okay?”

You nod, “Yeah, you can move. Please.”

He starts to pound into you at a steady pace, making you grab onto his shoulders for something to hold onto. Your nails dig into his skin as he drives his cock into your sweet spot over and over.

You let out a sob of a moan, and Wonwoo thinks it’s the prettiest sound he’s ever heard.

“God, you sound so pretty,” He moans, “Crying for me…”

“I’m not gonna last long.” You whine, your walls already clenching around him.

Your heart nearly stops in your chest when suddenly you hear the front door to the apartment open, then hear Mingyu enter.

You gasp, and Wonwoo quickly shushes you.

“Relax, he’s not going to come in here, he probably thinks I left.” He whispers, all the while he hasn’t stopped fucking you.

“Can you be quiet?”

You can barely find the words to speak, your brain too focused on the feeling of his cock inside you.

“Answer me.”

You frantically nod, and that’s about all you can muster the strength to do. Your walls clench around him and he knows you’re close.

“Shit, I’m gonna come…” You softly moan, as quiet as you can, then you feel his hand cover your mouth, muffling your cries as your walls squeeze his cock hard, but he keeps fucking you through your high.

He keeps going until he’s coming too, groaning into your neck as you feel his cock nearly throbbing as he releases inside of you.

“Fuck…” Wonwoo sighs, as you both are catching your breath. “That wasn’t how that was supposed to happen.” You both smile bashfully at each other.

You gently thread your fingers through his hair, pushing it back off his forehand.

“That’s okay, we can sneak over to my place… we won’t have to be quiet.”

tags: @dearlyjun @cosmojinyoung

some others i couldn’t tag! 💔

[justastraymoa]

Unwilling Alpha

Chapter 6

Masterlist

Taglist

Y/n back in their hard worked for life.

Warnings ⚠️ swears, abo dynamics, mentions of slave trade, mentions of rape, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, fear, manipulation.

Nothing within reflects anyone or anything irl. Pics off pinterest.

-

My apartment, when I got in late, was the same as when I left it. Everything is so familiar. So very quiet. Too quiet. I had grown used to the Omegas and their chaos.

Groaning and hurting I collapsed onto my familiar mattress and fell asleep instantly. Physically and emotionally drained.

Early the next morning I dragged myself out of bed and got ready to get back to normal. Getting dressed on autopilot I didn’t notice that I was wearing a Stray Kids hoodie until I caught sight of myself in the mirror as I grabbed my bag.

The sight made me freeze. Pain shot through my chest, and my eyes burned with tears that I couldn't afford to let fall right now. I can’t lose it. I don’t have enough time. Right now, I need to change and get to work. There was a pile of things that needed caught up on, and the pile wasn’t getting any smaller by standing here.

Unfreezing myself I ripped the hoodie off and tossed it in the corner behind the door. I will deal with it later. I left the house in just my thin t-shirt and jeans, too lazy to go and get another hoodie.

I regretted that decision almost immediately after arriving at work. There was a location shoot scheduled and it was outdoors. I would be freezing within minutes of getting there.

Luckily Angela was there. She was the front desk receptionist at our store front studio. She did a wonderful job entertaining customers when shoots ran over or we were running late for one reason or another. She reminded me of Felix. Made friends so easily and was always smiling, always friendly and sunshiny.

Today, looking at her hurt because she reminded me so much of the blonde ray of sunshine incarnate, but that wasn’t her fault and I tried to remind myself of that as I approached her desk, fake smile plastered on my face like the lie it was.

"Hey Ang! Long time no see!” I greeted resting an elbow on the high counter.

“y/n! How was your vacation? I didn’t even know you were going on one until you didn’t show up! Where did you go?” She fired off questions quickly in her excitement.

“It was fun.” I answered generically. “Do you have a jacket I can borrow for the graduation shoot? I forgot mine.”

“Absolutely! You must have been somewhere warm to get out of the habit of grabbing a jacket this time of year. I’m so jealous!” She handed me a bright pink fuzzy monstrosity that I would normally never be caught dead in. It looked like someone murdered the pink panther and made a jacket out of him.

However, it was this jacket or freeze to death. So, I took the jacket with a grateful nod and slipped it on. It smelled like lavender, Angelas preferred perfume. I flashed back to the painting of dried lavender I had back home, propped up in the closet because I didn’t want to be reminded of Hyunjin every time I caught a glimpse of it.

The shoot was at an overgrown train tracks. It was hidden in the woods, almost unseen if you weren’t looking for the rusted metal tracks. It was drizzling just enough to make everything glisten. Perfect for the shoot, cold for those of us who had to be in it. I was glad I opted to take the jacket Ang offered. I would need to have it dry cleaned and returned to her soon so I could thank her properly. Maybe bring her her favorite bougie coffee from the little shop down the road from the studio.

The customer for the graduation shoot was a female Omega, and for a short moment, my blood ran cold because I thought she would somehow know I was an Alpha. The more rational part of myself knew that I had taken my supplements, and it had been plenty long enough that they were in full effect. There was no way she would be able to smell Alpha on me. But I wasn’t feeling very rational at the moment.

I took a few extra minutes setting up my camera so I could get my panic under control. The Omega and her Beta mother were giving me odd looks, most likely smelling my panic in the air even over the metal smell from the tracks and the pine smell of the trees around us. The mossy wet earth not covering the acrid scent of panic emanating from me.

My hand felt warm, and I remembered when Chan took it on the plane when I was starting to panic that the other passengers could smell me. I’m not even sure he registered what he was doing. He was just aiming to make me feel better. To make me feel safe.

Despite the pang of hurt thinking of Chan created, I brought that feeling of safety back to the forefront of my mind. Remembered what it felt like to feel secure, even as exposed and vulnerable as I was. I closed my eyes and remembered.

It worked. With a deep breath, I turned and started the shoot, setting up the female Omega in poses that showed off both the beautiful location and her.

Normally, after a location shoot, I would take the rest of the day to edit the photos or even go home and edit the photos there. But I didn’t want to go home. That was where I remembered soft socked Chan sitting on my couch with JYP not that long ago. That was where I smelled the clothes I took with me that still have their scents clinging to them. That was where I had Stray Kids memorabilia on every surface with their faces staring out at me. That was where I hurt the most.

So instead, I immediately got started on an in studio family shoot that was waiting when I got back to the studio. It was a large family of 21 consisting of mother, father, their 5 grown kids, 8 grandchildren, and 6 great grandchildren. The youngest being just a couple of weeks old. It was chaotic and loud. The children were running around playing and fighting with each other. The parents were trying to corral them and yelling at each other when the children wouldn’t listen.

Normally, I would be annoyed as hell. This was taking way longer than their allotted and paid for hour of time, and it didn’t look like it would resolve itself any time soon. But despite that, I found myself smiling fondly as I watched and patiently waited for everyone to settle down. It made me feel warm. This is what it was like with Stray Kids, and I missed it now that I didn’t have it.

Eventually, everyone settled, and I was able to get a few decent shots where everyone was looking at the camera and not crying. As I walked them out, I promised them I would have the photos ready in 2 days, despite our standard time frame of 1 week. Ang gave me an odd look when she heard it, but didn’t say anything about it.

I stayed well after everyone else went home to edit the photos of both shoots and try and catch up on some of the edits we were behind on because of me. It was after midnight before I deemed myself exhausted enough to go home.

I avoided going online or listening to my music. Both were saturated with Stray Kids, and I couldn’t bring myself to listen to them or read up on any news about them. The countdown clock lived in the back of my mind unwanted, but I couldn’t seem to help that. Soon, it would hit 0, and this would all be over.

I spent time cleaning up the house. Packing up the acrylic standees of the boys and the skzoo plushies I had displayed on a bookshelf. Boxing the albums carefully in plastic so they would be safe from possible flooding or water damage. I took down the posters and photocards on the walls in each room, putting them safely in folders or binders and packing them away as well. The shirts and hoodies, blankets and pillowcases, all went into weatherproof boxes and placed in my storage closet, carefully labelled.

Without all my stuff hanging up, the walls were very plain and bare. It felt like I had just moved in. Like the guest room I stayed in with the boys. All neutral and white. Made for guests and not to be lived in and personalized by any one person.

I convinced myself that it was for the best. That this was all a part of healing from the upheaval and heartbreak.

And it worked. I locked any pain that came away inside my chest. That’s where my heartbreak lived, and I was keeping it there until it faded away with time. I just had to stay strong until it did.

I firmly thought of something else anytime something reminded me of one of the boys. Ignored the weather when it was sunny or stormy. Even started favoring pastel colors in my outfits and photoshoots alike. If anyone noticed, no one said anything. And I ignored any strange looks sent my way.

My life was getting back to exactly what I worked for it to be. This was my choice.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Unwilling Alpha Taglist: @xxeiraxx @hanniemylovelyquokka @breadedloafs @songleepark @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @hyunjinhoexxx @kayleefriedchicken @vietjeb @hityoulikebahng @juju-227592 @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @royal-shinigami @bangchansfavoritenoona @straykidslvr @bookswillfindyouaway @h0rnyp0t @Svmmerstime @jennibahng @kpopandmusicpassion

[primaviva]

PAIRING: gwen stacy x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: gwen has been acting distant lately. first, she started taking longer to reply to your texts, then she became less responsive to your calls, and now you hardly get to see your girlfriend at all. every time you do manage to talk, it feels like she's dreading something yet to come. it's starting to seem pretty obvious to you that gwen doesn't want to be in a relationship with anymore. and maybe you're not too far off from the truth. can she make it up to you though?

WARNING/NOTES: heavy angst with comfort at the end, relationship issues/mentions of breaking up, emotionally unstable and struggling gwen who’s in need of some love, heavy making out and romantic frustration, parents gonna be parents, nothing nasty she’s a minor yall please !! also this isn’t spell checked or grammar checked much it’s too long for allat ENJOY THO

gwen had been distant for a while.

so much has been happening lately in her life, you know that. it’s like she's struggling to keep up with everything life throws at her. every day, gwen just seems more exhausted, drained, and down in the dumps. you can see this look of sadness and hopelessness in her eyes whenever you catch a glimpse of her. you always used to be the one to cheer her up, and she'd even call you her favorite girl. but now, whenever you try to comfort her, talk to her, or even get close, she just avoids it all. it's not just suspicion anymore, it's real worry. the doubts began to creep in. are you not doing enough? did she lose interest? hell, you've even wondered if she found someone else who's more adaptable to her life, even better than you.

but at the end of the day, you just missed her. you found yourself reaching for the clothes she had given you more frequently, slipping into her shirts as you settled into bed or donning her hoodies when stepping out, just like you were doing at that very moment. it was as if her clothes held the power to bridge the distance between you, it always made you feel close to her even when she wasn’t around.

today, you had a list of errands to run, prompted by a last-minute text from your guardians, urging you to pick up essential groceries for the week. as you inhaled deeply, gwen's hoodie enveloped you with her essence. the scent of lavender and vanilla mingled with a hint of something sweet and leathery. it was a fragrance that encapsulated her very

presence, intensifying your ache for her.

it didn’t take long for you to get to the market and pick up what you needed. but as you were heading out, something caught your eye.

it was spiderwoman, gwen, perched on top of a building, looking completely exhausted. she looked tired, like she had just finished thwarting a local crime. the building wasn’t too tall, so you knew she would be able to hear you.

“hey, spider! feels i haven’t seen you in forever,” you shouted up at her, causing her to look down with a startled expression etched on her mask.

“oh uh, hi. i didnt expect to see you. what brought you around?” she questioned, surprise apparent in her tone.

“what? i’m not allowed to go grocery shopping outside my house?” you teased, but it seemed she took it seriously. “sorry… i didn’t mean it like that.”

“i know, gwen,” you reassured her with a small smile, but it faded as you studied her face. the corners of her usual smile when she saw you were drooping. it was as if your presence brought her a sense of dread, and it only deepened the heaviness in your heart. why were you causing her to feel this way?

“hey, um… i can take you home if you want. it's safer that way,” gwen suggested, hopping down from the building and walking towards you. she didn't even meet your gaze; it was like she physically couldn't. her eyes darted to the ground. “oh? how protective of you.”

gwen simply nodded, taking the groceries from you and holding them herself. she wrapped her arm around your waist, and together, you swung through the city back to your place. the wind brushed against your face, your clothes fluttering in the breeze. you glanced up at her, expecting her to look at you with her usual playful smile, teasing you about how fast she swung. but she didn't. she stared ahead, her eyes distant. even behind her mask, you could sense the strain in her eyes, as if she carried an unyielding burden on her shoulders. you could feel her gaze, sensing her stealing glances at you from the corner of her eye. in those stolen moments, she absorbed your beauty, your caring nature, and your love for her, which only made what she was about to do hurt even more. her heart ached.

"is everything okay?" you asked, concern lacing your voice as you tried to gauge where her head was at. however, she remained quiet, completely ignoring you as you drew closer to your destination. sensing her withdrawal, you decided to shift back into the uncomfortable silence and sounds of new york. "let's just focus on getting you home, okay?"

her lack of response only deepened the sense of unease within you. you just couldn't shake the feeling that something was troubling her, something she wasn't ready to share. it was as if a barrier had formed, isolating her from you, and it pained you to witness her distance.

before you knew it, you arrived at your place. she safely dropped you off inside and handed you the grocery bag. gwen turned to leave, but you quickly grabbed her hand. she was about to walk away, without saying a word to you.

“can you stay? just for a little?” you asked, your voice carrying a heartfelt plea. holding onto her hand, you gently tugged, motioning for her to come inside.

as she stepped through the doorway, her tall figure lowered, and then rose again. an anxious air filled the room, and you couldn't help but feel your heart race. she stood there, looking down at you, her face still obscured by the mask, but you could sense her deep ocean eyes staring right into yours. it was as if the weight of unspoken words lingered between you, begging to be acknowledged.

for a moment that felt like an eternity, the silence enveloped you both. the intensity of the unspoken emotions hung in the air, and you wondered if she would finally let the walls around her heart crumble.

as the silence lingered between you, gwen finally spoke, her voice carrying a tinge of detachment. "alright, i can stay for a little bit," she conceded, her words lacking their usual warmth. gwen took her mask off and leaned against your wall, and it looked as if she hated every minute that was going to come. she attempted to bridge the gap by asking generic questions, trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy. "so, how was your day? anything interesting happen?"

but the tension became too much for you to bear. frustration welled up inside you, and you couldn't suppress it any longer. “gwen, please, we need to talk,” you announced firmly, your voice tinged with a mix of concern and exasperation. you needed to confront her about her behavior, to understand what was truly troubling her.

gwen's eyes widened slightly, and a flicker of apprehension crossed her face while her body suddenly tensed. you haven’t even asked her anything yet and her body language already betrayed the inner turmoil she was trying to hide.

"what's really going on with you?" you pressed, your voice filled with a mixture of frustration and concern. "first, you started spending less and less time with me. then you stopped texting, and eventually, you stopped calling altogether. you're being so distant, and i can't understand why. i don't even see you anymore. gwen, talk to me, please."

gwen took a deep breath, her voice trembling slightly as she responded, "i... i don't know. i've been struggling lately, and it's just been a lot, okay?"

your heart ached, feeling the weight of her words and sensing the depth of her pain. but you couldn't let her vague answer slide. the frustration bubbled up within you, pushing you to make your own feelings known. "no, gwen, it's not okay, miss me with that!" you exclaimed, your voice tinged with desperation. "you can't keep being vague and shutting me out. we can't expect this relationship to work if you won't let me in. i know you, and i can tell when you're hurting. when you're struggling, i want to be there for you, but you don't let me. why? i just want to be there for you, to see you, and you refuse to let me!"

the words hung in the air, the tension between you palpable. before you could reach out to comfort her, gwen's next words burst forth with unexpected force, as if they had been bottled up inside her for far too long. "well, maybe we need to break up!"

her words hit you like a sudden blow, knocking the wind out of you. the intensity and impulsiveness of her statement took you aback, leaving you momentarily speechless. in truth, it startled you. her voice raised involuntarily, the words tumbling out before she could fully process them. it was as if she had unintentionally unleashed the bottled-up thoughts she so desperately tried to keep from you. but as the shock subsided, a surge of determination coursed through you. you couldn't let her push you away without a fight.

"no, gwen, we can't just throw it all away like that," you responded, your voice shaky with a mix of hurt and resolve. "i refuse to believe that breaking up is the answer. we've faced challenges before, we're a team, remember? we can work through this, but we need to communicate, to be honest with each other. don't give up on us so fucking easily,” you spoke, but it sounded like a demand for her not to just dispose of everything you both have.

silence hung heavy in the air.

gwen's fists clenched as she leaned against the wall, her back turned to you. "i'm sorry, but i can't continue like this with you," she said, her voice filled with a mix of determination and sorrow. "the city needs me, and i can't prioritize you the way you deserve."

she turned to face you, her hands gesturing passionately as she tried to explain herself. "i'm spider-woman, and this is who i am. it gives me a sense of purpose, a responsibility to protect people. but it also means my life is in chaos, torn between so many different obligations. breaking up is the best way to protect both of us from hurt."

gwen can't stand arguments, and the thought of hurting you crushes her. she knows she'll never love anyone as much as she loves you, but she's stuck and unsure about what to do. her life feels like a total mess, with a million things pulling her in different directions. how can she be spider-woman and still be with you? and honestly, she's not even sure if she's being selfish by considering a breakup. her brain keeps telling her it's the best way to protect both of you from getting hurt. but deep down, her heart screams at her to stop overthinking and just hold you tight.

you looked at her, shock evident on your face as tears welled up in your eyes. wiping your tears with your hoodie, you tried to keep your composure. "do you really mean that? you want to break up just like that, without even considering other options?" you asked, the hurt and confusion evident in your voice.

gwen snapped, her words sharp but tinged with regret. "i do mean it! you have to understand that as long as i'm spider-woman, our relationship will never work out. i'm sorry, okay? i love you more than anyone else."

tears streamed down gwen's cheeks as she despised herself and the situation she found herself in. her voice choked with emotion, she pleaded, "please, don't make this harder than it already is."

you raised your voice in frustration but quickly regained your composure. "how can you ask me not to make it harder? do you hear how you're talking to me?" you said, your tone filled with a mixture of annoyance and concern. "i love you, gwen. i wanted to be by your side. why should you have to go through this alone?" cupping her cheeks, you wiped away her tears with your thumb.

gwen sobbed, her voice trembling with sadness. "i know you do. and you would be by my side, but i can't bear the thought of you getting hurt..."

that was the crux of the matter. gwen couldn't bear to see those she cared about in danger. she had witnessed the pain and loss that came with her superhero life, and she couldn't bear to risk hurting you too. she pulled you close, embracing you tightly with all her strength. "i'm sorry, it's just... it's for you," she cried.

"for me?" you whispered, your heart aching. "but this isn't what i want..." you hugged her back, standing on your tiptoes to reach her height. "gwen, you can't let the weight of your past losses consume you. you say this is for me, but it's not what i want. i want to be with you, to support you."

gwen's voice cracked as she spoke through her tears. "but what i want is for you to be safe. i am really sorry. please don't try to convince me otherwise, it will only hurt me even more."

gwen may project strength and confidence, but deep down, she feels anything but strong. every word she speaks right now fills her with self-hatred. she believes that breaking up is truly for the best, as she wishes to shield you from the chaos of her life.

"it's really for the best," you muttered, your voice tinged with uncertainty. your eyes were red and puffy, and you pulled away slightly, nervously playing with your hoodie as you gazed up at her.

seeing your pain only intensifies gwen's own anguish. she fights back tears desperately. "it will be. i'll always love you, i promise," she whispers, holding your face gently, her eyes fixated on your swollen, red eyes that only deepen her sadness. "you'll find someone better than me, i know you will."

"please don't say that," you respond, your voice trembling as you struggle to hold back sobs. "i don't want someone else. i want you, gwen. nobody has ever understood me the way you do. every relationship has its challenges, but that's normal. i just want to be with you through it all. please don't push me away because you're scared."

and that's exactly what she's doing, pushing you away out of fear. fear of your pain, fear of her own emotions, fear of her feelings for you. gwen is overwhelmed with emotions in this moment, and your declaration of love and your belief that no one could be better for you only intensify the guilt she already carries.

"please stop," she whispers, tears streaming down her face. "there's nothing you can say to change my mind."

this is much harder than she anticipated. she thought she could simply utter those five devastating words and walk away, but she can't help but savor what might be her last moments with you. gwen locks eyes with you, torn between her heart and her mind. her mind tells her that keeping you away is the only way to protect you, but her heart yearns for the warmth of your embrace.

"we'll still see each other, i just..." she struggles to finish her sentence, tears cascading down her cheeks. she gently tries to create distance between you, despising herself for even desiring it. loving you more than anything doesn't necessarily mean she should have you; if anything, it seems to suggest that she should stay away.

"i'm so scared," she whispers, closing her eyes tightly as she holds you close. "i'm scared of all the wrong things. my mind races, imagining all the things that could go wrong. i don't want to be in a relationship where i have to choose between you and what i need to do."

she lets out a deep sigh. "it's just... my life never seems to get any easier, and i don't want to drag you down with me."

she desperately tries to convince herself that she's making the right choice, but deep down, she's failing. seeing you standing there before her breaks her heart, not only because of what she's about to do, but because it's the first time she's been this close to you in a while. it's different from the times she watched you from a distance as spider-woman because she missed you. no, not at all. you're right in front of her, and she yearns for you so intensely. yet, she can't help feeling that it's wrong for her to want you.

"life isn't supposed to get easier," you say weakly, your voice filled with sincerity. "that's why we have people who support us." cupping her cheek, you gently tilt her head to meet your gaze. "i know you're scared. i know you've been through a lot... but you're not going to drag me down with you, gwen. don't push away everyone you love. don't push me away. you don't have to face this alone. we're in this together... that's what a relationship is."

gwen stares at you, tears streaming down her face. her heart races, and her body trembles. she's never felt so torn in her entire life. what can she say? you're right. why is she trying so hard to push you away? is it truly to protect you or is it to protect herself? the latter thought resonates with gwen the most. the idea of having someone to lean on, someone to share the burden with, it's intoxicating.

"i-" she stutters, her voice unsteady. stuttering is not something typical of gwen. what you're saying means everything to her. you're expressing what she desperately wanted to hear.

"i know, i know," gwen sobs. "but there are too many 'buts.' i won't have time to see you, i'll be constantly worried about your safety, i'll have to cancel plans, and i won't be able to fully be present in our relationship anymore." tears continue to stream down gwen's cheeks as she pours out her fears. "i've lost so many people, and i can't bear the thought of hurting the few i have left..."

she locks her gaze with your tear-filled eyes. "i just don't want... to hurt you." gwen can't bring herself to say the rest. she can't vocalize her deepest fears, dreading that they might become a reality.

gwen walks past you and sits on your bed, her legs spread out slightly as she cradles her head in her hands, taking a deep breath. "i'm sorry," she mutters softly, her words muffled by her hands.

"don't apologize, gwen. none of this is your fault. you have to stop blaming yourself. we can get through this together, okay? remember, i'm your girlfriend, and i'm not going anywhere."

you approach her, positioning yourself between her legs at the edge of the bed, lifting her face to meet yours. without a second thought, you lean in and kiss her.

in that moment, time seems to slow down. gwen feels as if her heart stops beating, only to start again in the next instant.

gwen kisses you back, her body releasing the pent-up relief she has longed for. she had been scared, pushing you away when all she truly desired was to be loved by you. your words and your kiss make her feel safe. the kiss feels like pure magic. she feels your lips lingering against hers, and she can't help but smile ever so slightly.

"i thought... i thought i was alone, but... i was wrong," she whispers, her arms enveloping you in a tight embrace. in this moment, she feels an overwhelming happiness with you that she never knew existed. it's been a while since she felt this way, since the last time she saw you.

gwen loves you, and you love her. amidst the chaos surrounding them, there's no reason to push everyone away when she can pull them closer. "i love you," she manages to say, her voice weak. "and i'm so scared of losing you, of being alone. but... i'm going to try," she promises, holding you tightly.

she's deeply in love with you, and her mind is finally aligning with her heart's perspective.

"i love you too," you respond, pressing your forehead against hers. "all you have to do is try, and i'll be right here, ready to lend you my shoulder to lean on."

as you hold her close, gwen allows her mask to slip, surrendering to the overwhelming emotions. she cries into your shoulder, clinging onto you tightly. "can i... stay at your place tonight? i don't want to sleep alone," she pleads, holding onto you desperately. "i just want to be with you so badly, please."

blushing at her words, you feel relieved that you were able to talk her out of her impulsive behavior. "of course, i'll stay with you, gwen," you assure her, leaning in to peck her lips.

she looks like an emotional mess, and you can't help but feel remorse for not fully understanding the toll being spider-woman had taken on her. you knew it was a heavy burden, but you didn't grasp the extent of it. "would you like another hug?" you ask, offering a smile.

"yes, please," gwen responds desperately, reaching out her arms and pulling you closer until your bodies are pressed against each other, allowing you to feel every heartbeat, every breath. “a hug would be really nice right now.”

the feeling of being tightly held by her girlfriend is all she craves at this moment, the feeling of being home.

"i'm sorry, i just... i just love you so much that i thought i had to let you go," gwen confesses, her voice filled with remorse. "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry. it's just... i feel like i'm going to crack in two. spider-woman and gwen stacy, they're both pulling me in different directions... i don't know how to find balance."

your heart breaks upon hearing her words. it pains you to know that gwen feels so lost and alone, and that she was scared to open up about it.

"you can't balance two things that are the same," you explain gently. "we can't always find perfect balance in our lives. it's about learning to live with it. if you felt this way, we could've talked about it, or i could've simply been there to hug you in silence... why didn't you tell me?"

bringing up the topic of communication is painful, as it was her lack of communication that sparked this entire conflict.

"because!" gwen practically explodes in her attempt to defend herself. "because i... i'm scared." she stands up from the bed, looking you in the eye. "i didn't want to be a burden, someone you had to 'deal with.' i wanted to be there for you, but i'm always stuck being spider-woman. that's why it hurts so much. i don't want it to be the only part of me, but it is. i'm scared of having these problems, scared that they will push you away. i was afraid that telling you these things would make everything worse... i'm only realizing now that if i'm going to have any chance at a successful relationship, i have to be open and honest, even if it scares me." she takes a deep breath, walking around the room as she searches for the right words. "i was so afraid of expressing how i felt, what these overwhelming emotions meant, and most of all... i was terrified of you breaking my heart."

you listen intently, absorbing every word that falls from her lips.

"i was just so scared of everything, and i didn't expect you to be so amazing about it, like you are right now," gwen admits with a dry laugh. "i guess that makes me a bad girlfriend, doesn't it?"

gwen's tearful sniff subsides, and she wipes away her tears once more. "i know you're going to hate me for this, but if this becomes too much, and you get exhausted with me, promise you'll tell me," she says, her voice filled with uncertainty.

"i can't promise you that, gwen," you respond, your voice filled with love and reassurance. "because i'll never get exhausted being by your side. i'll always be your number one supporter... and groupie," you add, attempting to lighten the mood with a playful tease.

she chuckles at your words, a genuine laugh escaping her lips. "yeah? at least now i know who my number one fan is," she jokes, a light smile gracing her lips. the weight of guilt that had burdened her for weeks begins to lift as she realizes that talking to you is making her feel better than ever. she's starting to believe that together, you can make the relationship work.

looking up at you, gwen's eyes turn serious, peering into yours with intensity. "promise?" she asks, her voice filled with desperation, but not in a way that seeks pity. she simply yearns for reassurance and comfort. "promise me that i'll never just... be another problem in your life, something that drags you down or forces you to do more than you want to? i know you'd never truly get exhausted by me, but i understand that the pressures of being in a relationship can feel overwhelming at times."

her doubt-filled voice tugs at your heart. you want to erase all the insecurities and doubts that haunt her mind, but you also know that she must learn to stand on her own. after all, she is spider-woman.

"gwen, i will always be patient with you. i want to be by your side, and you can tell me anything, you know that," you reassure her, reaching out to touch her, your hands gently holding the sides of her neck.

as gwen sees your smile, her heart races with joy. in this moment, she feels more alive than ever before.

"my girlfriend is patient, amazing, and gorgeous..." gwen whispers, her eyes glancing at your lips as you giggle at her comment. "i love you," she says softly, leaning in to kiss you, her hands cupping your face. "i'm sorry for acting this way. if i'm honest, i think i'm the crazy one for pushing you away. i don't know what i would do without you. i'm so sorry for everything. it feels like all i've done is apologize to you."

gwen longs for your embrace, for your hands to caress her hair. the past few minutes have been a nightmare, and all she wants is to be close to you, to share the same breath. unable to contain herself any longer, she kisses you again, her hands reaching out for you as she pulls you closer, trying to make up for all the emotions she had kept inside. you kiss her back, your arms around her neck pulling her closer, feeling her chest against yours.

"you're so perfect... i can't stress that enough," gwen murmurs, looking into your eyes with deep affection. she nestles herself into your arms, embracing you tightly. "i can't imagine being with anyone else. i've never felt this way about anyone before. thank you for waiting for me, for putting up with me."

"i love you too, gwen. but you don't have to thank me for loving you. it's not a job; i love you because you're you," you reassure her, running your hands through her hair.

"i know, i know," gwen says, her voice quieter and softer. "sorry, i think i'm just emotionally drained. it's all starting to settle in." she takes a few deep breaths to calm herself. "but you're right. i'll work on finding a balance between gwen and spider-woman. and... thank you, for everything. i love you so much... you're so patient with me."

"we're going to get through this together, alright? you're not alone, i promise you. as long as i'm here, you'll never be alone," you declare to gwen.

"thank you, really..." she says in a quieter, softer voice. "i'm feeling kind of good about this now. i feel like everything will just work out, you know? like a weight is lifted off my shoulders." she smiles, her lips gently pressing against yours.

gwen's desire and longing for you intensify as she gazes into your eyes, her voice filled with a mix of passion and vulnerability. "i've missed you so much, and now that we're finally together, i want to make it up to you," she whispers, her hands still wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer.

you feel a surge of warmth and affection as you listen to her words. your love for gwen is unwavering, and you want to reassure her that she's not a bad girlfriend, despite her doubts. you place your hands gently on her chest, looking deeply into her eyes, and speak softly, "gwen, don't let this make you feel like you're a bad girlfriend. you aren't, and i mean that. everyone has their bad moments, but they pass. you've been a good girlfriend, the best i could've ever asked for."

curiosity fills your voice as you ask her how she wants to make it up to you. your eyes lock with hers, and you can sense the tenderness and desire in her gaze. the air crackles with anticipation, and you can feel the room narrowing down to just the two of you.

gwen doesn't respond with words. instead, she smiles and leans in closer, her lips almost brushing against yours. your heart flutters, and a wave of heat rushes through your body. the intensity in her eyes and the closeness between you both create an electrifying atmosphere.

your cheeks flush with warmth as you feel a mix of flustered emotions. you can't help but confess, "i mean every word of what i've told you, gwen. i could never love you any less."

without hesitation, gwen presses her body against yours, her hands against the wall, trapping you in her embrace. the tension between you builds, and your eyes remain locked as you wait for her next move.

"i love you too," she murmurs, her face reddening. her hands gently move to caress your cheeks, and your lips are tantalizingly close. gwen's breathing becomes heavier, and you can sense the rapid thumping of her heart. "so much."

she closes her eyes briefly, then opens them again, leaning in closer. gwen sighs, her lips meeting yours in a deep, passionate kiss. the sound of her slow-paced pants fills your ears, heightening the intensity of the moment. time seems to stand still as your lips finally connect, your love reaching its pinnacle. gwen holds you tightly, her body tense with desire, her face flushed with excitement. the taste of her lips leaves you feeling intoxicated, dizzy, and filled with overwhelming happiness.

this is for you. you deserve this, and so does she.

gwen wants to give you everything, and she pours her heart and soul into this kiss. her fingers intertwined with your hair, pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as possible.

a soft moan escapes your lips, mirroring the pleasure that gwen feels. her smile widens within the kiss, and she whimpers softly, completely lost in the moment. every sense is overwhelmed by your touch, and she can't imagine a world without your love. you are her everything.

reluctantly, gwen breaks the kiss, her eyes still locked on yours. her lips are flushed with the heat of the moment, and she bites them with a mix of desire and anticipation. her fingers continue to run through your hair, her touch filled with longing and a yearning to explore every part of you.

"i missed you," she whispers, her voice filled with longing and desperation as her heart races against yours. the sound of rain outside creates a serene backdrop, punctuated only by your labored breathing.

gently, you reach up and stroke the side of gwen's face with your hand, your touch a soothing balm against her worries. "i missed you too, gwen," you admit, your voice filled with sincerity. "i wish i had known how you were feeling, but i'm here now, and so are you."

gwen nods in response, her eyes reflecting a familiar self-critical nature that she often carries as both gwen stacy and spider-woman. she has spent so much time fighting and trying to save the world that she neglected her own needs and the needs of those closest to her. she has a tendency to push people away, always opting to face challenges alone.

"i didn't think you'd understand," she replies, her voice catching in her throat. "i've spent so much time running away, keeping everything to myself because i was so scared. it’s like everything is collapsing on me all of a sudden."

you offer a reassuring smile as gwen speaks, your touch providing her with a sense of comfort and relief. before you can respond, she continues, not pausing to let you interject.

"i wish i could be more open like you," she whispers, her words filled with determination. "i promise to change that, to be more honest. i want to be spider-woman and gwen, and i vow to never push you away because of it. you're mine, and i'm yours. you'll always be my number one. please don't ever forget that."

moved by her words, gwen leans in to kiss you once again, feeling the flutter of butterflies in her stomach as your lips meet. your love makes her feel safe, anchoring her and reminding her of who she truly is without the weight of spider-woman. with you, she is simply gwen stacy, and your love restores her sense of self.

"i wish i was a better girlfriend," she confesses, her voice barely above a whisper, but close enough for you to hear.

"gwen," you whisper in return, searching for the words that will bring her comfort. "nobody expects perfection in a relationship. ups and downs are normal, and you've been going through so much on your own. don't be too hard on yourself. i love you, and i'm here for you."

her mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, and she buries her head into your shoulder, seeking solace in your embrace. her tears fall onto your arms, and she holds you tighter, finding solace and strength in your presence.

"you're right," she sighs, her voice tinged with a mix of relief and vulnerability. "i just don't want to disappoint you. but things are changing; i promise. i love you so much. you mean everything to me."

you can sense that gwen has more to say, her thoughts jumbled and unorganized. with a gentle touch, you brush her loose hairs behind her ear and encourage her to open up further.

"talk to me, gwen. that's why i'm here," you say, offering her a safe space to express herself.

gwen takes a deep breath, her voice trembling as she continues, "i've been pulling away from you for the past few months, neglecting our relationship. i was afraid of losing you or hurting you, so i distanced myself. i've been doubting myself, questioning if i can be spider-woman, your girlfriend, and still be gwen stacy. what if i fall short? what if…”

tears well up in gwen's eyes once again, she can’t even finish her thoughts. she doesn’t want to fall short but what if she does? just like all the other times? she clings to you, afraid of losing the connection you share.

"i never want to let go of you," she whispers, her voice filled with remorse. "i'm sorry for being such a mess."

as you listen attentively to gwen's words, a se se understanding and empathy wash over you. you realize that she needs your unwavering support, and your ready to provide that.

"did you act that way because you wanted me to break up with you first? or did you just not realize how distant you were being?" you asked, your voice filled with confusion and hurt. "it really hurt me. you avoided my texts and calls, and you stopped coming to see me as often. i didn't know what i did wrong. i didn't know if you lost feelings for me, found someone else, or what was going on."

gwen quickly shook her head, her eyes filled with concern. "no, no... never that," she replied, her voice urgent. "i would never want to make you feel bad. you did nothing wrong. i didn't lose feelings for you and i definitely didn’t find somebody else. it was just me, you know? i'm the problem."

you gently cupped her face and drew her closer, your touch offering comfort. "gwen, you're not a problem to me. but please, tell me, did you want me to break up with you?"

gwen took a moment, her breathing uneven as she tried to gather her thoughts. slowly, she nodded, her face flushing with embarrassment as she began to understand the impact of her actions.

"yeah, i wanted you to break up with me," she admitted, her words coming out hastily. "i pushed you away because i thought it would be best for both of us. please don't think i cheated on you, though. i would never do that to you," she explained, her gaze fixed on the floor.

gwen looked away, tears welling up in her eyes once again. "i just felt this immense pressure, and i couldn't keep fighting everything. but i also couldn't just give up. so i kept it all inside, pretending to be okay, hoping it would all be fine. i've seen what happens to people close to me, and i didn't want that for you. i held back so that you wouldn't have to witness spider-woman taking over. i should've explained what i was feeling instead of trying to protect you in my own misguided way."

her words became muddled as tears threatened to overcome her. the thought of you being hurt because of her actions was unbearable.

you nodded slowly, taking in gwen's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. it was bittersweet to hear that she now understood the mistake she had made and the importance of open communication.

"so, when you realized i wasn't going to break up with you, you decided you needed to end it yourself?" you asked, studying her face intently.

"i... i guess you could say that," gwen replied, her body tensing up. she fell silent, unsure of what to say or do. the weight of her actions finally settling upon her.

"you deserved to be with someone better, someone less selfish, and someone who wasn't constantly busy saving the world. i wanted you to be happy and safe, so i thought..." gwen's voice trailed off, hoarse with shame at her inability to effectively communicate her feelings. "i thought letting you go would make that happen."

gwen swallowed back the lump in her throat, her words filled with a mixture of pain and regret. "i'm just so used to hiding everything from everyone, even you. i couldn't see a way out... i felt like no matter what decision i made, i would end up losing you. either physically or emotionally. it felt too dangerous to stay together, yet pushing you away would ruin us. i felt trapped, and i thought it would be best for both of us. i thought you would end up hating me. but you've been so... so good to me, and you've shown me patience when i needed it most."

you let out a deep sigh, your mind racing. how did you not notice the burden she had been carrying? you had been there for gwen on her difficult days, but somehow, you had missed the weight she bore alone every time she sought solace in you, every time she climbed through your window at night. gwen noticed the distant look in your eyes as you grappled with your own feelings.

"i'm sorry," she whispered, her voice filled with remorse. "you're so patient, so perfect... i don't want to lose you. it wasn't right for me to break up with you like that. you don't deserve that."

she desperately wanted to fix the situation, to make you feel okay again, but she felt lost, unsure of how to proceed.

"and you thought pushing me away would make me lose interest?" you responded, a hint of disbelief in your voice, considering the depth of your connection and the challenges you had overcome together. all the times gwen had comforted you with your issues or saved you from yourself. it was almost amusing to think you would ever lose interest in gwen. "i'm almost offended that you believed that would be enough to make me give up on you and what we have."

as you spoke, you could see gwen's world collapsing upon itself, her struggle to comprehend how you could still love her after she had pushed you away.

"yeah, i know it sounds ridiculous," she admitted, her voice tinged with self-realization. "i should have seen all this time how much you've been there for me, how important i am to you. but it was only when i pushed you away that i realized just how much i truly need you," she confessed, her vulnerability laid bare. "i wanted to spare both of us the pain and struggle of my double life. i was thinking of you, but i didn't consider your feelings at all. i thought by cutting myself out of your life, i could rid you of spider-woman and the complications that come with me. i wanted to protect you from myself, from the mess that engulfs my life. and that was so wrong of me."

gwen closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "i thought you deserved better," she said in a quiet voice, her words heavy with regret. "i thought i would be this dark cloud over your life, constantly bringing you down. but i want our relationship to be better. i want to be better for you. i don't want to keep hurting you."

her hands slowly move up to your chest, fingers digging into your clothes as if wanting to feel you.

“but gwen-” you try to speak, you try to reassure her and comfort her, but she isn’t having none of it. “but nothing! i was trying to think of a way to let you go without hurting you. i thought... if i acted cold, distant, you would lose interest in me. you should have someone that doesn't stress you out and keep you awake at night just because of her issues."

she withdrew from your embrace, her movements tentative, as if trying to calm the storm of thoughts swirling in her mind.

"this is why i feel like such a mess," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "i can't think clearly, i can't find the right words, and i'm so afraid... afraid of losing you, afraid of failing, afraid of failing you. i don't have all the answers because i'm scared. i'm truly sorry."

"you shouldn't have burdened yourself like this, gwen. you shouldn't have caused us both pain. we are stronger together, you know that," you reassured her, reaching out to hold her hand, offering a gentle squeeze. "you have been an incredible girlfriend to me. can't you see that? we all have our flaws, but you have always been there for me, caring for me, making me feel loved and truly myself. there is no one else i could ever desire."

with hesitation, you leaned in, rising up to her height and tenderly kissed her, conveying the depth of your sincerity and gratitude. it was a kiss that symbolized your unwavering commitment, showing her how much she meant to you and how fervently you desired her by your side.

those few words are just what gwen needed. all the doubt inside that plagued her mind were casted away as you kissed her, pressing your lips against hers. your words

a gasp escaped gwen's lips as she felt the tender connection, her arms instinctively wrapping around you, holding you tightly. the kiss was a balm to her soul, so exquisite and intoxicating that it made her question how she could have caused you so much pain. your words alone had the power to break down her defenses, and your kiss was a testament to the depth of your affection.

"i'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice filled with remorse, as she clung to you. "i don't know what's wrong with me. i wanted to make you happy, but i kept running away. i feel so stupid. i wish i had just told you this sooner. can you forgive me?”

gwen's body presses against yours, her fingers interlacing with yours as she tries to calm herself down.

"i don't want to be spider-woman right now. i just want to be gwen stacy... your gwen stacy,” she said, staring you deeply in the eye as she leaned closer to you.

“gwen,” you said softly, “i already forgave you. i understand you and why you do the things you do and i’ll accept and love every part of it. spider and gwen, both of you are mine.”

she is utterly speechless, so much so that she wraps both her arms around you, hugging you tightly. a smile slowly spreads across her face as you speak, your words touching every part of her. it's funny how you managed to forgive her for everything. if only she was able to forgive herself. her cheeks light up red, smiling back at you. she felt so stupid, so dumb for pushing you out in the first place, and she's so relieved that you forgive her.

"really? even if i pushed you away and kept you from the love you deserved?" gwen asks, needing to hear the truth from you. "or when i was constantly thinking about spider-woman? when i was avoiding you, not giving you the emotional support you deserve?"

gwen sounded like a broken record, still taken aback at how you gave her so much time and understanding. if you could still love her after all of this, after she hurt you so many times, she couldn't tell you how much she felt she didn't deserve your love. just when she thought her relationship with you was ruined forever, gwen was finding a new reason to hold on to hope.

“you’re both of those people gwen, and i love you. no matter what, i’m gonna be there for you. i know you go through a lot, let me be by your side and make it better, okay? because i want to,” you reassured her.

"i love you," she whispers in a hushed tone. "i'm sorry for being distant, i'm sorry for hurting you every time i put my life as spider-woman before our relationship. but you're right, spider and gwen are one. they're both a part of me.. and i want you to love all parts of me.”

the feeling was euphoric. gwen knew that she could never repay you for forgiving her, nor could she even imagine what her life would be like without you in it. she hugs you tightly, not wanting to let go.

"i want to make it up to you. right here, right now," gwen whispered softly, her voice brushing against your ear as her hands found their place around your waist, gently pulling you closer to her.

"it's been too long since i've seen you," you admitted, your voice filled with yearning for gwen. it's been so long since you seen her and since you’ve been so close. you wanted to feel her touch, to be enveloped by her love.

"i know, i feel the same way," gwen whispers. "but, can i make it up to you regardless?"

there's a slight pause.

gwen moved a strand of hair aside, her breath shaky, and her eyes darting back and forth. her cheeks grow pinker, the butterflies in her stomach turning into something else entirely.

“don’t feel entitled to do any…thing,” you tried to speak, but the words got caught in your throat and you began to lose track of what you were saying.

gwen was distracting, and the way she was looking at you wasn’t helping. as the room settled into a hushed stillness, the only sounds were the measured rhythm of her breaths and the intensity of her gaze, brimming excitement.

maybe it was the pent-up frustration of not being together for so long, maybe it was the rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins in this moment, or maybe it was the realization of just how deeply gwen's love for you ran.

gwen smiles at your words. she knows you've missed her, and she's missed you too. the blonde leans in closer, her hand on the back of your neck.

"i want to show you how much i appreciate you being here for me. and how much i love you right now,” she speaks up amongst the silence.

this might be the first time you've seen gwen this vulnerable, this exposed. her voice is quiet and her eyes look away, but her body is moving closer. her fingertips make their way down to your lips, grazing them lightly. "let me show you.."

you inhale, your mind feeling dizzy. god, the effect she had on you. you don’t want gwen to be hard on herself, to make her feel like she needs to make it up to you when she is the one struggling. but you could tell gwen wanted this too, she wanted to kiss you. the magnetic pull of her body to yours, the way her lips began to part the closer she got to your mouth, the way the muscles in her arms flexed as she began to hold you tighter.

"then show me," you mustered every ounce of bravery within you, determined to deflect the shyness that tinged your being. gwen's fingertips continued to trace the outline of your plush lips, her gaze locked with yours, as you issued the plea. "show me, gwen."

without a moment's hesitation, gwen closed the distance between you, her hands gently drawing you closer by the waist. the suddenness of her actions caught you off guard as she pressed you against the wall, her lips meeting yours with an intensity that eclipsed anything you had ever experienced before. passion surged through every fiber of your being in that electrifying moment, leaving you breathless and consumed by the sheer force of her affection.

her lips found yours and that's all you needed.

a wave of absolute euphoria washed over you, erasing all the problems and concerns that had previously weighed on your minds. in this moment, there were no worries, just the two of you, lost in each other's embrace. gwen's fingers delicately threaded through your hair, pulling you closer to her. her kisses grew more intense, and her grip on your back tightened as her lips ventured along the path of your neck.

the room seemed to spin, as if the rest of the world had faded into insignificance compared to the intensity of the connection you shared. gwen held you tightly, her kisses a tender exploration of desire and longing. the heat of her lips against yours ignited a fire within, as she trailed her kisses upward, tracing the contours of your neck.

as the intoxicating moment unfolded, you noticed a change in gwen's breathing, a rhythm that became short and choppy.

her lips are back to your mouth, gently holding your neck and leaning you against the wall as she kisses you in place firmly.

as the intensity of the kiss escalated, your hands instinctively gripped gwen's triceps, seeking stability amidst the overwhelming sensations that engulfed your being. the sheer power of the connection made it feel as if your mind was melting, lost in a haze of desire. a soft moan escaped your lips, echoing against gwen's mouth, making her whimper in response to the vibration.

her body tensed, caught between wanting to slow down and give you a moment to breathe, yet unable to resist the overwhelming surge of emotions coursing through her. gwen's sense of self began to blur as your touch elicited a kaleidoscope of sensations within her. the palpable tension between you two hung in the air, thick with longing.

she continued kissing you, pulling you closer into the embrace of her body. your forms melded together, radiating heat that spread through your entire being. your heart pounded within your chest, its rhythm matching the quickening pace of your breaths. it felt as though nothing else in your lives had ever held such significance.

the world around you faded into insignificance, and all that mattered was the connection you shared, an escape from the hardships of life.

gwen pulls back from you ever-so-slightly to catch her breath. she still has her hands gripping into your hair, but now her eyes are locked on yours. "god... i love you, you know that?”

gwen's mind was starting to blank, the only thing that was on it was you. your eyes, your lips, your touch. she was getting lost in you.

"i love you, i love you, i love you," she whispers out, her voice catching on her breathe as your hands grip her tighter.

“i know you love me,” you reply to her, your hands finding their way to gwen's neck as you caress her gently. “i love you just as much.”

gwen can't describe how she feels right now. finally, she feels free. she can be herself. all she wants is to be with you. she can't believe you're willing to forgive her, can't understand how you have all of this patience and understanding for her. in her eyes, you were too good, she questioned whether she truly deserved the love and compassion you showered upon her. she's not sure she deserves you. but you guys haven’t kissed in so long, and she can’t get enough of it.

"come here.." gwen whispers, pulling you back towards her for another kiss.

her kisses grew more fervent, her lips pressing deeply against yours with a hunger that matched the intensity of her desire. every fiber of her being came alive, sensations coursing through her body in a breathtaking symphony of pleasure. pure bliss surged through her veins, her head spinning with a heady rush.

your touch had an effect on gwen, weakening her knees and leaving her breath shaky and uneven. her face flushed with a rosy hue, reflecting the passion that consumed her. the stimulation she experienced was almost overwhelming, and she feels she might just explode.

though gwen attempted to regain control of her breathing, a part of her yearned for more. it felt as if she were caught in a whirlwind of pleasure, losing herself in the addicting embrace of your love. her hands tightened against the wall, their grip firm as they traversed down to your thighs, pulling you closer, bridging the gap between your bodies. the warmth radiating from your skin seemed to rival the sun itself, stoking the flames of desire within her.

gwen couldn't help but moan, her lips moving with increasing passion as she savored the warmth and taste of your mouth. despite her attempts to slow the frenzied pace, her tongue slipped out once more, driven by an insatiable craving for you. she explored down your neck with her tongue, trailing down to gently nibble along your collarbone, leaving a tantalizing trail of tingles in her wake.

"wow," you muttered, the sharp sensation of gwen's teeth grazing your skin eliciting a mix of surprise and pleasure. the sounds that escaped your lips were beyond your control, a testament to the powerful effect she had on you.

the sound of your whimper sent a jolt down gwen's spine. she possessed a commanding presence, a force to be reckoned with, and yet she found herself immobilized, unable to move as if held in place by an invisible tether. her hands instinctively found your hips, firmly pressing your body down onto her leg, as she stood, allowing you to find comfort leaning against the wall.

your entire being froze in response to the touch of gwen's leg, as if her very touch held the power of lightning, electrifying your senses. when you shuddered against her thigh, her grip on your hips tightened, her nails threatening to leave a temporary mark.

gwen was flustered, desperately attempting to assert control over the situation, but finding herself beat by the magnetic pull you exerted on her. every second that your gaze met hers, she felt an irresistible force tugging at her, drawing her closer to you as if guided by some unexplainable, otherworldly connection.

she looks up at you, her hair a mess around her face and flushed. "please, stop me…”

she spoke hushed, but her lips were glued onto yours. her body was glued to yours, her hands finding their way into your hair, her leg pressed against you, just everything about this moment was just perfect for her. you were making her lose her mind. she felt unworthy, like she didn’t deserve this after all she put you through.

“why would i do that?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper, “gwen, why would i do that when i don’t want this to stop?”

it felt like your words were an invitation just for her.

she could feel herself getting worked up again, every ounce of her just wanted this moment to continue. her mind was clouded with emotion and desire, she was lost in you.

"i missed you too, y'know," you said, your voice tinged with nervousness as you fidgeted with gwen's hair, your touch betraying your own vulnerability in the face of her silence.

hearing those words from you, expressing your longing for her touch and everything she embodied, was like the sweet relief of water in a desert. the weight of your words hit her with the force of a hammer, nearly knocking her off balance. her body quivered with anticipation, and when your hand brushed through her hair, delicately tucking it behind her ear, sparks ignited from the point of contact, spreading warmth throughout her being. the desire to kiss you consumed her, and she wasn't sure if she could find the strength to stop, especially when you begged her not to.

"i'm so sorry... i just can't stop myself," she confessed once more, her voice laced with desperation. "if you don't tell me to stop, i don't know if i can."

overwhelmed by her emotions and love for you, gwen found herself at a crossroads, teetering on the edge of restraint. but your response was firm and unwavering, "don't." the single word held a world of meaning, a silent permission to continue, and it resonated deeply within her.

her body ignited like a blazing fire, her breaths quickening as each touch sent electric pulses through her veins. "you have no idea how much..." gwen's voice trailed off, unable to find the words to convey the intensity of her emotions. she pulled back slightly, positioning herself nose-to-nose with you, her gaze locked onto yours.

"then i won't, but please... tell me to keep going," she whispered, her voice barely audible.

“just kiss me, gwen."

your voice, though quiet, reached gwen's ears with clarity and resolve. gripping your face with a fervent grasp, she held onto you as though her life depended on it. her kisses grew more fervent, her tongue dancing against yours, and her hands instinctively finding their way around your neck. she lost herself in the moment, overwhelmed to the point where words gave way to passionate moans, each one a testament to the intoxication of the experience.

gwen surrendered to the pleasure, no longer resisting the desire to have her leg entwined with yours. it felt perfect, the two of you merging together in this intoxicating union. pure bliss enveloped her as sensations heightened, her ears attuned to the sound of your breathing, her body quivering with the rush of emotions coursing through her. the need to hold back vanished, replaced by an insatiable hunger.

she pulled you closer, her grip firm as she pressed you down onto her leg, the friction against the floor sending waves of pleasure through her body. everything grew hotter and heavier, the weight of the moment intensifying. gwen let out a soft moan, briefly pulling away from the kiss to lock her gaze with yours. her lips were slightly parted, her cheeks flushed with desire, as she allowed herself to become lost in your eyes.

she was holding back, trying so hard to keep herself calm and slow everything down, but everything was becoming too much, too overwhelming for her to handle. she couldn’t shake this feeling though, it was like her spider senses were going off and she couldn’t tell what the vibrations in her mind were trying to tell her.

without conscious thought, gwen's hands found the rim of her hoodie, the one you were wearing. with a gentle movement, she lifted it off you and threw it onto your bed, revealing the vulnerability of your exposed waist. her touch was tender and loving as she embraced your waist, peppering your chest with fluttering kisses that elicited joyful giggles from your lips. a smile danced upon her own as she pressed against your skin, feeling like she was able to show you how much she appreciated you and wanted you, and how stupid she was to even think of letting you go.

“i’m home! made me bust in your room because you wasn’t answering me. what the hell were you doing?” your guardian asked, not furious but confused as to why you weren’t answering.

and you were just as confused. before you could even begin to panic, gwen was gone. you hastily picked up her hoodie from your bed and clutched it shyly against your chest, overwhelmed by a wave of embarrassment and a longing to retreat into hiding.

“you good? your face looks so…” your guardian examined your features. how heavy you were breathing, how heated you looked when the weatherman this morning said it was gonna be a cool day, and just how baffled you looked. "flushed?" you responded, mustering a feeble explanation. "yeah, the sweater, uh... made me a bit sweaty. so, i decided to take it off!”

you swore you could hear a faint giggle from outside, but you chose to ignore it.

“well, okay. stop actin’ like a weirdo and i’ll be in the kitchen if you need me,” they said, turning around and shutting the door.

as the footsteps faded away, a familiar figure stealthily climbed back into your room through the window. "that was a close one," she quipped, and though you couldn't help but roll your eyes, a hint of a smile tugged at your lips.

"you're so corny. i hate you," you playfully declared, the hate part a jest born out of momentary frustration. the corny part, however, held some truth to it.

gwen laughed, charmed by your feigned pout. "love you too, but it seems like you have company, and i should get back to patrol," she stated, punctuating her words with a tender kiss on your lips as she held you close. "i'm sorry about the whole breakup thing, and i know i've said it before, but i still want to apologize. i'm committed to being better-for you, for me, and for us. i don't want to push people away when i should be pulling them closer, especially when i need them. you make my life as spider-woman so much easier than i ever realized, having someone to return to and lean on," she confessed with a genuine smile.

unable to resist, you rushed forward and enveloped her in a tight hug. she gasped in surprise but quickly reciprocated, teasingly lifting you off the ground before gently setting you down.

"will i see you later?" you inquired, hopeful anticipation shining in your eyes.

“of course you will,” she replied smugly, a smirk gracing her face. you couldn't help but giggle "i'ii swing by around 6, sound good?"

"absolutely," you confirmed, your radiant smile illuminating your features.

with a final smile, gwen leaned back into your window and gracefully disappeared into the night, swinging away. you waved goodbye from a distance, heart brimming with warmth and excitement for the future.

true to her word, gwen returned as promised around 6 o'clock. but more significant than her punctuality was her unwavering commitment to keeping her promise of being more open with you and making an effort. she showed you that she was willing to put in the work, to learn from her past mistakes, and to become the best version of herself -for you and for the relationship you shared.

A/N: i think i almost died typing all this. 10.5k words. im crying…

© 2023 primaviva

[wintersongstress]

— mornings ;

In the time of spring when the bark of trees and the flat of pavements were washed with rain, Simon liked to visit the farmer’s market after his morning run. He had left you today in your shared bed, doubtlessly still dreaming as the sun dithered behind the veil of clouds, and shrugged on a hoodie, getting his trainers out from a rack in the closet. His route was dewy with a gentle mist, not enough to keep people from going about their day, but it was the good kind that cleaned the city air and sweetened the long brooms of blossoms hanging over the sidewalks.

The canopy over a flower stall dripped onto his hood as Simon stepped underneath it. Bundles of flowers were arranged in buckets with chalkboard plates sticking out, the signs advertising 3 for £10, and he browsed for a bit, thinking of you.

There was a time when all Simon knew about flowers was the memory of a window box in his childhood kitchen. Long gone, he remembers his mother potting red and pink flowers and relishing the process—the fulfilling feeling of dirt beneath her fingernails and the satisfaction of roots tenderly planted. One day a hummingbird flitted to the window while he ate his toast before school, and it was a still moment of wonder as the tiny bird prodded the ruby petals before zipping on, quick as light.

Now he was in love with his own hummingbird. A love rare and fleeting, one that, when you don’t catch it in your hands and earn every moment of keeping it, would flutter away and never return. Love could speak in flowers, he decided, when he first began to visit your flat and admire the fresh bouquet you kept on your table every time he came. I like them, you had said simply, and he smoothed a petal between his two fingers. And though he saw himself as a brute with hands better suited for violence than caresses, he wanted to learn about the gentler things in life he once thought could never be part of his.

Simon frees his nose from his face mask to smell a strange spire of green, bell-shaped flowers he had never seen before.

“Those are called Bells of Ireland,” the aproned shop lady pipes up from behind her booth. He glances over and finds she isn’t put off by his tall, dark, and out-of-place presence in the least.

“I’ll take them,” he replies. Their scent was light and earthy, like mint and lavender mingled, and their bells resemble leaves with their vein-like texture. Rare and exquisite, and perfectly you. He also picks out a cluster of mauve roses and peachy ranunculus, thinking about the way you smiled with your eyes closed when you smell his bouquets, your lips still curved when you kiss him afterwards, and lays them all on the counter.

“What a lucky girl,” the woman comments, gathering his selections and bundling them in wax paper secured with a rubber band. Simon wasn’t so sure. He always thought you could do better than him, but you would never let him catch himself thinking like that out loud. No matter what he believed of his nature, he vowed to fight like hell to be the kind of man you did deserve. So he pays the woman and bids her good day, heading on to the next stall with you on his mind as he picks out fresh strawberries and bread for the beginning ingredients of a wholesome breakfast. 

At home, Simon fills a vase with the tap and trims the flower stems, arranging each fragrant bloom in harmony with the other. He brews one of your favorite teas and sets out the honey, tending to a sizzling pan in between, then decides to open your bedroom window to gently wake you.

A warm and pleasant wind sways the curtains. Amidst their wispy movements you lay on your back, breathing deep and slow, until the song of church bells and finches twittering from the chimney tops flutters your lashes to take in the tranquil morning. Simon draws his knuckles across your forehead and follows your cheek. With sleep soft in your pretty eyes, this was his favorite view of you.

“There she is, my everything,” he murmurs.

“Hmm. I was dreaming.” With a brush of his thumb over your smiling lips, you open your eyes and gaze at him warmly, happily, holding his hand there.

Funny…he muses.

You kiss his caressing hand. “You smell like oranges.”

“I made breakfast.”

And with that you’re throwing the comforter back, springing to your feet and wrapping a sweater around your nightgown-clad form.

“It’s not going anywhere, love,” he chuckles. These mornings were you had the whole day together were his favorite. You sat out on the balcony, taking in the trees with their sprouting green tips and cutting into your French toast, planning your day together with your bare foot resting over his socked one. The sunshine of your presence fills the depths of his chest to the brim with contentment, and he wants it to last forever.

[deityoftherain]

Traffic Life/Life Series Fanfics by deityoftherain on Tumblr and AO3

dolled up and alone dream killer canary wings and pronouns* cherry blossom tea cherry sibling oath* chocolate kisses* convene* crochet & cuddles cuddle hideaway empty home* festivals and ferris wheels* fidelity*

fidgets & flower shops* fighting my battles fireworks flower ranchers... literally* from different worlds* good enough healing flowers* his artist* honeybees, i'm home* isn't that jimmy's hat?* know that all my love will be your breath

let me take care of you live fast, die young* love like lavender martyn, i'm not drunk matchless matchmaker* moth to a flame needles* no dice* (not) just a costume one of them only friends pesky bird* phases of the moon redhot anger red life hair dye

save a spot for me* scott, you're drunk sculpting memories the bloodhound's fool the boogey* the canary broke his curse the gift of family the warmth you bring

threats of pain and love* to be human* touch-starved excursion no dice* now that you've won post-concert highs why does it matter? you're not tango, are you? zombabe zombie-stitched hoodie*

* uncolored astrick'ed ones are tagged with multiple SMPs/fandoms

traffic life superpowers au | tlsau masterpost ^ click on this if you want to view the collection with all my fics within my life series superpowers au; each fic can be read separately*

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The links above will take you to a Tumblr post with the fic's summary and basic information. From there, you can decide if you want to route yourself to the fic on AO3, if you want to read the oneshot (multichapter fics don't have this option, sorry) under the cut, or if you want to keep looking. Titles are organized in alphabetical order. More information under the cut, and feel free to enter my ask box whenever!

I tend to be a multishipper, I do a decent amount of rarepair shipping, and I enjoy changing up hybridity/headcanons depending on the universe the fic takes place in. I tag fairly heavily though, so you should always have a heads up on what you're about to read.

Obligatory disclaimer that this is the characters not the creators! The creators can do whatever they want, and I can do whatever I want with the blorbos. Nothing I write will ever be RPF; everything is drawn from and intended to represent the characterized versions of them. Reminder that fanon is fanon for a reason, and if you can't wrap your head around that, you are not forced to interact.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Queer Themes Masterlist

Colour Me Free (ao3) - realeyesrealize

Summary: Over the next few days Dan draws and redraws a tiny triangle on his bicep every morning with a sharpie, because he’s never been one to take decisions lightly, because he’s still afraid of commitment but the need to have those three lines on his skin is stronger.

Or: queer signaling, a triangle, an earring and Russia.

Come On Down To The Lavender Luck Lounge (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Mr. Philip Lester is the suave, flamboyant owner of a queer casino and resort, Lavender Luck Lounge. Mr. Daniel Howell is the uptight and dry accounting manager for the casino.

Demons That Dwell (ao3) - realeyesrealize

Summary: He put those feelings, along with the passing comments that were thrown his way during his teenage years in a closet, as a replacement for himself. But they happened and they left a mark.

or: phil and pride: a character study.

Edelweiss Green (ao3) - orpheusTestifies

Summary: 'The employee had given them a strange look, like it was weird for two people to have an argument about paint colors in the middle of the paint aisle. Dan, despite his attempts to repress everything about his previous employment, was absolutely confident that it was not.'

(Or, in which a house is built, improved upon, and lived in, more or less in that order.)

every ounce of me (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Dan and Phil being (mostly) soft on October 19th, 2009—with a bit of introspective Dan (and also him trying to avoid it)

Formless (ao3) - truerequitedlove

Summary: Dan wished he was formless.

Goalie (ao3) - kitkattaylor

Summary: The thing is, everyone thinks they know everything about Dan. They hear enough about him. But they don’t remember the boy who hid in hoodies, who was soft-spoken and embarrassed. They were never witness to his self-doubt, to his neediness, never had the privilege of seeing his genuine smile, his uninhibited laughter.

Of course Dan had changed, but Phil would be (might be) damned if he didn’t believe there was something of the boy Phil used to know still inside him.

If you wanna be like me (ao3) - ottertrashpalace

Summary: A sequel to Experience is Key in two parts, the first of which is a bit serious and the second of which is just more self-indulgent porn

in a simpler world (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: It was never really an option to make Dil gay.

(or, “how the Sims series [and Dab and Evan’s relationship] hits differently”)

King of the Queens (ao3) - ThoughtaThought

Summary: What if Dan never messaged Phil?

Prism (ao3) - realeyesrealize

Summary: Dan's story, now in colour. A few spoilers: a dark night, Jamaica's orange, the Isle of Man's turquoise and a blue box of Domino's.

Queer Eye for the Non-Straight Guy (ao3) - adorkablephil (kimberly_a)

Summary: Dan watches "Queer Eye" Season 2 episode 1 while on the plane to America and gets emotional

Role Model (ao3) - gorgeousnerd

Summary: "It meant a lot to me," Dan said again, carefully. "You and your friends being who you were. Still does."

Dan reconnects with Nick Grimshaw after he comes out.

rules for lovers (ao3) - dabiideviito

Summary: pride colours: an interpretation

scratch bark bite (oh, love me, i lied) (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Music & Drama teacher Dan Howell has a well-known rivalry with his coworker, English teacher Phil Lester.

An unforeseen event flips everything Dan thought he knew about Phil and himself on its head. Slowly but surely, the grudge withers, and the two of them cross the line between enemy and friend. But what will happen when their true intents and feelings get revealed? And was what they had ever really a rivalry? Was it even mutual?

Skirting Around the Subject -- a Phil Lester Gender Struggle (ao3) - TrashFan

Summary: It started as an accident, a series of small disasters that landed Phil standing in a train station in a skirt. From there, things seemed to spiral out of control. A google search here, a shopping trip there, and suddenly Phil is left not knowing who he is and what he wants for himself.

some killer queen you are (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Dan’s enjoyed taking a break from YouTube, but for some reason, he still feels like something is missing. Determined to fill the creative void in his life, he decides to try out something new: drag.

the june video (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Dan posts “the June Video” as originally planned... in 2018, right in the middle of the Interactive Introverts tour.

two lions (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: Phil fiddles with another toy lion, a copy of the one his gran has taken to pay for. “It needs a mate,” he says thoughtfully, feeling an odd longing suddenly, a weird kind of sadness.

When Do We Get Our Parade? (ao3) - adorkablephil (kimberly_a)

Summary: During his first Pride celebration, Dan is frustrated that even the queer community doesn't seem to understand asexuality and the romantic spectrum

[hmshermitcraft]

Hypno and XB used to be best friends.

Then they went diving and Hypno almost drowned. XB managed to save him, but the two had an argument, and Hypno ran away.

And XB never saw him again.

Skip to many years later, XB was traveling through a swampy area and needed a place to stay the night. He knocked at the door of a small tarot shop, and the owner let him in.

The owner served him soup, and XB realized it tasted just like the one Hypno used to make him when they were teens and XB was sick.

He shared the thought with the shop owner.

Suddenly, the man asks: “you’re from the south, right?”

XB nods.

“Ocean monument, near a mesa?”

XB nods again.

Then something clicks in his head.

“Would you happen to have a pocket watch on a long chain?”

The other man nods “yeah, It’s broken. Made from Nether gold”

XB’s eyes widen.

“Hypno?” He asks.

The other man nods, lips trembling slightly.

“I am so sorry”

XB stands up, walks up to Hypno, and pulls him into a hug, and his eyes water as he recognizes the familiar smell of honey and lavender.

Hypno hugs back. He hugs back, half sobbing, half mumbling apologies, face buried in XB’s hoodie.

XB hugs him tighter.

“I forgive you.”

And he understands that it’s all going to be okay in the end.

Maybe not immediately. Maybe they still have a lot of grief and hurt to work out between them. But they're both here, now. And they both want each other to stay.

Everything else is secondary.

[writerbugg]

Echoes of Devotion’

A Ninjago Story

Yandere Kai Smith x Male Reader

A sneak peek into something I’m working on. This is a rough, rough draft.

Summary: An over worked traveling doctor who just moved back into the trouble infested city named Ninjago because of a job offer with Borg Tech. meets fiery hot headed ninja while a random villain attacks the city?

What could possibly go wrong?

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, They are not consecutive. They are connected in a never-ending circle, Everything is Connected

- The Stranger

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The sound of traffic filled the night air, a strange calmness settling over the usually rampant city. M/n sits outside on the apartment fire escape, his legs dangling over the edge as he gazes at the sleepless city.

It was late summer, the air was hot with excitement and life, no one could sleep on nights like these.

M/n had heard all kinds of stories about Ninjago City since he moved, from snake attacks to Overlord takeovers, this city has been through it all. Resting his head on the fire escape railing, M/n allows his eyes to close, peacefully enjoying the night air.

Nights like these temporarily make M/n forget about his troubles, a moment of escape before he inevitably gets dragged down again by the reality of his situation.

A soft buzzing interrupts M/n's thoughts, pulling him back to reality. M/n pulls his phone out and flips it open to check the caller.

"Dad..." M/n's expression softens a bit as he sees the familiar face of his father, an older gentleman with peppered hair and a wise old look in his hazelnut eyes.

M/n accepts the call, gingerly putting the phone up to his ear. "Dad? What are you doing calling me at this hour?" M/n's voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

He patiently listened to the call, nodding now and then.

"I don't mind, I'm right next to the coffee shop, I can pick up a few pastries for you and Mom for tomorrow." M/n reassures his father. "I'll let you go and start heading over there now."

M/n hangs up the phone, silence blessing him once more. He pauses momentarily, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere, before standing up and leaving the fire escape.

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

M/n travels down the street, making his way to the local coffee shop. Eternal Espresso Emporium was its name, it was open 24 hours, which was something M/n could appreciate.

Reaching the small cafe, M/n quietly enters the shop, the bell atop the door ringing softly, announcing his presence. There was no one there except the barista, a young girl by the look of it.

Approaching the girl, wallet in hand, M/n's eyes glance over the pastries on display. "...I'll take three Pain au Chocolat please." He softly spoke, "And a lavender latte." lazily, his eyes drifted up to the girl, who was staring at him with a faint blush in her cheeks.

"Is something wrong?" M/n asks. The barista jolts in surprise, "Oh-! Um no- sorry," her cheeks glow red from embarrassment as she quickly turns to prepare his order.

M/n raised a brow but lets it go, deciding to take a closer look around the shop instead. The place was small but cozy, warm lights hung from the ceiling which was decorated with fake leaves, all of which were some shade of orange, yellow, and red.

The place sort of gave a cozy autumn feeling. The tables were made from wood, resembling tree trunks, and couches with yellow and copper color schemes accompanied the tables.

"Here's your order sir." M/n looked back over to the barista who was now holding a small box and a well-decorated coffee box. "Ah, right, thank you." He takes the box and coffee out of the employee's hand.

There's another ring, alerting everyone that someone else has entered the shop. M/n looks over, curious about who else was here this late at night.

A dark red hoodie was the first thing M/n saw.

The boy had warm brown hair that was spiked, it was odd but strangely fit him. His eyes were a reddish brown around his pupil with a darker chocolate brown color surrounding it. He had a scar on his eyebrow, giving him a rough look, as well as a few other scars on his hands.

"I'm here for a pickup under Kai." The boy in the red hood announced.

[moriburnd]

The One Behind the Shadows

pairing: suna rintarou x fem!reader

tags: fluff, broken eng, the reader is described as loving bread, self-indulgence.

In the past few weeks you've been receiving shipments of snacks and sometimes medicine. It's not uncommon for Suna to notice someone hanging a plastic bag over your fence. If you want to be honest, you're very curious about people who always deliver snacks. So after sending your last speech bubble to Suna, you immediately picked up your cardigan behind the door and went downstairs to the front door. You're hoping the person who's been sending you a snack and some sore throat medicine hasn't left your house.

But when you open the door in front of you, all you see is Suna covered in his black hoodie and a hand carrying a bag of snacks. Confused, that's how you feel right now. Suna smiled slightly with one hand on his nape. "Hi," greets Suna to you who is still confused. 

"Huh... Where is that person? What is that?" you asked with your index finger pointing at a plastic bag full of snacks in Suna's hand.

Suna raised one hand, moving his index finger to your forehead, giving a slight push to his index finger. "Take a guess."

You try to untangle all the tangled threads in your head, connecting each incident one by one. You looked at Suna and the white plastic bag in his hand alternately, until finally you were able to untangle and find the end  of the tangled threads in your head. "Could it be that you've always been the one giving me all that?" Suna nodded in response to your question.

"Why? Why did you do all that?" you asked again with your head slightly tilted, making you look adorable in Suna's eyes.

"Let me come in or at least sit down first, can't meet you at the door like this, can i?" After that, you invite Suna to enter your house. Suna sat in the living room, while you went to the kitchen to get drinks for the two of you, and followed Suna into the living room.

"Okay, now, explain. Why did you bother giving everything in secret, when you could just give it to me directly," you said firmly.

"I'm doing all this because... I don't know, I just want to do this. Lately I always feel unprepared every time I want to meet you, maybe you could say I'm nervous. I'm also afraid of you rejecting all the things I give, that's why I did all this," explained Suna.

The lavender scent from the reed diffuser on the living room table made Suna remember the days when he secretly hung plastic bags filled with food, snacks, drinks, and even medicine to relieve your sore throats at the gate of your house.

Day 1, January 2 2022

Suna, who had just returned from the studio after meeting with his friends, saw a bakery, he decided to stop by that shop. There, Suna bought a portion of bread because suddenly he remembered you, you really like bread, he even remembered your favorite flavor, namely chocolate cheese.

Wrapped in his black hoodie, Suna secretly hung a plastic bag filled with bread at the gate of your house, and immediately rushed home. Then he sent you a message saying, 'I saw someone dropping food at the gate of your house earlier'. The message was sent solely so that you would check outside to pick up the plastic bag he was hanging.

Day 2, 08 January 2022

From the balcony of his room, Suna saw you who had been pacing around in your own room. Suna, who was curious, decided to ask you. After getting the answer, he took the initiative to go to the minimarket, buy 3 boxes of milk to give you as a substitute for coffee, this is because you are allergic to coffee.

Suna also didn't forget to insert a sticky note on the 3 milk boxes. 'Don't drink coffee, just drink this.' That's more or less the message written on the sticky note.

Again and again, Suna quickly and secretly hung a plastic bag containing 3 cartons of milk on the fence of your house, this time he pressed your doorbell so that the owner of the house came out to get the shopping bags.

Day 3, 12 January 2022

You are a cheerful person and also talk a lot, but today you are quieter than usual, which makes dozens— even thousands of question marks pop up in Suna's head. He wonders why you're not as cheerful as usual. Taking his cellphone which was on the table, Suna decided to send you a chat bubble which said, 'Why are you staying quiet all day? Usually, you're talkative'.

Not long after, an incoming message appeared in the notification, the message was from you. The message said, 'I can't, I can't talk. My throat hurts'. After reading the message, Suna immediately ordered uber to ask for sore throat relief candy to be bought and sent to your address. Don't forget, he also told the uber he ordered to insert a sticky note that said 'Get well soon' with a heart symbol at the end of the sentence.

Not long after, the uber ordered by Suna reported that the package had been received by a young man with slightly pink hair. Suna knew for sure that it was your little brother who had received the package from him.

"Rinnnn," you called, bringing Suna back to his consciousness.

"Why?"

"You didn't hear what I said, did you? I asked you earlier, why are you nervous? Even though before you were normal," you repeated because Suna apparently didn't hear your question.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm nervous because I like you." A second later, your face immediately turned red like a crab that had just been boiled. You were silent in a thousand words, didn't know how to respond to Suna's words, what you knew now was that your heart was beating quite fast due to the sentence said by Suna. You immediately turned your attention to something else when you felt your face starting to heat up, then you used both hands to cover your increasingly red face. "Seriously, don't joke like this!" you shouted at Suna. 

"I'm serious, not joking. I really liked you from the moment we met. You're the reason I always come to your flower shop."

"Okay, I understand. Don't talk yet, shut up. My heart can't stand it anymore, it feels like it's going to sink to my knees!" You panicked because your heart was beating faster when Suna continued his sentence.

Suna obeyed your words, although it wasn't long before he spoke again. "I'm not forcing you to answer now, but... I want us to go to the next level together, I want us to make our own journey."

You, who had started to calm down a little, turned your body to face Suna, your hand grabbed Suna's big hand. Your thumb gently stroked the back of Suna's hand. "You didn't ask me to answer now, but I want to answer now. Let's make our own journey, Rin, I cherish you too," you replied to Suna. Without warning, Suna immediately pulled you into his warm embrace.

That night, the sound made by Suna's heartbeat became a beautiful melody for you.

[buzzzlove]

your last k scenario broke me 😭 it hurt but i love it sm! k how could you think of y/n like that???

could i request a scenario where y/n and k were out but they got caught in the rain. they were close to k's apartment so they decided to go there and he lent his shirt/hoodie to y/n and he loved it sm they end up cuddling 🥹❤️ thank you!

ahhh i'm so happy you are enjoying my fics!! when i saw this my heart felt so happy 🩷🩷

but right??? how could k do that lol

here is the fic you asked for. i really hope you enjoy this, it's a bit longer that i thought i would do, but i got semi carried away. let me know what you think anon!

-

K

Lavender Ice Cream

"What do you think about it?" K asked you excitedly, wiggling your intertwined hands a bit.

"It's actually a lot better than I thought," you giggled at his smile.

K had pulled you out on a spontaneous date to get ice cream from a nearby shop. They were selling lavender flavoured ice cream and your loving boyfriend convinced you to get some with him. It was a cloudy and semi-cold day, making it perfect for a cold treat. With happy smiles and bellies full of ice cream, you two walked further, hand in hand.

The two of you continued walking and just enjoyed each other's company. You didn't get many days like this due to his packed schedule so you basked in his presence doing something so normal. However, the universe was apparently not included in your plans. The wind picked up slowly and before the two of you could even realise it, the rain came down with a force. The sudden downpour had you frozen for a second, out of shock, before you felt your boyfriend tugging on your hand and bringing you back to earth.

"Looks like the plans are a bit ruined," he giggled, hair slowly starting to stick to his face.

You couldn't disagree more. You looked up at your boyfriend's smiling face, his hair now completely wet and stuck to his forehead. You still had the subtle taste of ice cream in your mouth. You felt K tighten his fingers around yours. His hand was warm against your cold one. You hoped you would never forget this moment.

"I wouldn't say so," you said with a soft smile.

K pulled your hand to bring you into his chest. He wrapped an arm around your waist and brought his face closer to yours.

"Thank you for coming out with me," he mumbled, eyes scanning your face. He finally locked in on your eyes before leaning in and meeting you halfway in a gentle kiss.

He pulled away just enough to look into your eyes again before he whispered, "Are you ready?"

"For what?"

K didn't answer. Instead, he took your hand and took off running. You gasped in surprise, but immediately started running behind him. You giggled as you shouted, "K, what the hell are you doing?"

"We're going home," he laughed, looking back over his shoulder at you.

You shook your head at his crazy antics but didn't slow down. The two of you hurried to his place trying to escape the downpour.

~~

"Baby?" you called out while you finished drying your hair with a towel.

"In the kitchen!" his voice rang out.

You walked over to him and saw him preparing some ramen for you, once again, food perfect for the rainy weather. You wrapped your arms around his waist and put your head onto his back.

"Are you warm now?" he chuckled, rubbing your arm quickly before continuing.

You hummed in response. He was always looking out for you first. It was one of the many reasons you were in love with him. You felt him finishing up before he tapped your arm to signal he wanted to turn around. You loosened your arms and pulled back slightly.

As soon as he was completely turned around in your arms, K put one hand on your shoulder and pushed you back lightly. You took two steps back and looked up at him quizzically. His eyes flickered up and down from your head to your toes.

"What is it?" you mumbled looking down, suddenly wondering if you looked weird or something.

"I love seeing you in my clothes," he said, barely above a whisper.

He finally met your eyes. The two of you had a matching blush on your cheeks. Too shy to keep the eye contact going, you looked down at your hands, engulfed in his hoodie's sleeves. Your boyfriend was secretly happy you weren't looking at him. He couldn't contain it very well as he threw his head back slightly, squealing silently at how cute you were. How did he end up so lucky?

"You're adorable," he mumbled and pulled you into his chest. He hugged you tightly before releasing you and pulling you to his room. Both of you were trying too hard to not have the other one see the flushed expression on your own face that you failed to notice it would be mirroring yours. But the two of you settled together under the covers, you with your head on his chest and an arm around his waist, and K with an arm around your shoulders and playing with your other hand.

The rain was pattering softly against the window. Your boyfriend's warm embrace along with the comforting patterns he was drawing on you, quickly made you sleepy again, ramen quickly forgotten.

If you stayed awake even a few seconds longer, you would have heard K whisper, "I love you so much baby."

[nauticonfashionstore9]

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[sleeplittleearth]

@domaystic day 7: stained clothes

Laundry Day | Hob/Dream | 1.6k | G

Dream does laundry and struggles with making mistakes (i'm not projecting, you're projecting)

---

Dream was starting to really settle into humanity.

He'd risen with Hob this morning; he'd boiled water for tea without starting an electrical fire (a mistake he'd only made once before), and toasted bread without burning it (a mistake he'd most recently made yesterday, but it was hardly his fault when he'd been distracted by the sleepy way Hob smiled at him first thing in the morning). There was still a lot to learn, but he was getting the hang of things.

And now, he was going to do laundry.

Hob was away at work for the day, and Dream wanted to something nice to surprise him. He'd watched Hob load and unload the washer enough times that he felt confident he could replicate the process. And the machine did most of the work, anyways. None of the backbreaking work of a washboard or the limb threatening work of a mangle—he'd been party to some of the nightmares that emerged from invention of that infernal device.

The modern washing machine was a breeze in comparison. All he needed to do was load it, add detergent, and push a button. He didn't even have to worry about shrinking anything in the dryer, since it was a perfect day to put the wash out to dry on the line. Hob would come home to perfectly clean, crisp smelling clothes that were precisely the size they started.

Dream began by gathering up the clothes for the wash. Neither he nor Hob was overly skilled at actually putting things in the hamper, so he went around their bedroom and bathroom piling things into a basket—jeans draped over the chair in the corner, shirts forming creases on the floor, socks that had actually made it to the hamper, and the scarlet jumper Dream had helped Hob pick out on the weekend. The colour reminded him of opium poppies, and it made the warmth in Hob's eyes and skin sing. The sooner it was washed, the sooner he could convince Hob to wear it.

When his basket was full and the flat noticeably tidier, Dream gently piled the clothes into the washer, sprinkled in a scoop of powder detergent, and shut the door firmly. He was careful to check that the machine's settings had not been disturbed from the last time Hob did the washing, before finally hitting start and then wandering back to the bedroom to straighten up some of the remaining mess.

He could hear the machine churning along as he worked, the sloshing of water and mechanical whirring providing background noise in the otherwise quiet flat. After a few minutes of tidying, the room was in good enough shape that Dream felt he had earned a break, and he settled against the headboard of the freshly made bed to read (Hob was in the habit of bringing home stacks of romance paperbacks for him from the library).

It felt like almost no time had passed when he was stirred from his focus on the description of some physiologically dubious but emotionally impactful lovemaking by the musical alarm of the end-of-cycle signal. He set aside his book and made his way into the kitchen to gather the clean laundry to bring out to the balcony.

When he first opened the washer, he was greeted with the soft scent of lavender and clean clothes, and he smiled to himself at the pleasant aroma.

And then he saw the clothes.

The darker clothes—the jeans, the black trousers, the soft charcoal hoodie that Dream liked to borrow—they looked just fine. Hob's new jumper looked just as vibrant as it had when they picked it out in the shop. But everything else, everything that had gone in the washer a shade of white or cream or pastel blue, was now pink. Some baby pink, some bordering on a soft coral, some with a definite violet cast, but all undeniably pink.

Dream snatched the red jumper out of the basin as if that would somehow reverse the damage. The bright colour was looking decidedly less lovely now, but he still went and laid it out to dry flat on a towel, switching out the white one he'd prepared with a dark navy one with perhaps sharper movements than the task required.

All the time, he was thinking about what was to be done with the other clothes. The smartest thing to do would probably be to text Hob for advice—a man didn't live more than six centuries without learning a thing or two about stain removal, especially with his history. But he'd wanted to surprise Hob with something nice, not another job. He didn't want him feeling like he was always babysitting Dream; he should be able to do something as simple as wash a load of laundry on his own.

He would just wash them all again.

Not the jumper, of course. But he had plenty of time before Hob came home to run the machine again. Probably a couple times. He briefly considered using the bottle of bleach under the sink—but even Hob had expressed difficulties with bleach stains, and he didn't need to add another problem on top of this one.

So, he went back to the machine, dumped in another scoop of soap, and set the machine to work again. This time, instead of wandering to another room, he sat on the floor directly in front of the washer, staring in at the sudsy water with his knees up and his arms wrapped around his shins.

The cycle passed much slower this way, but eventually, the signal sounded. The electronic melody felt mocking where before it was cheerful—he would be lucky if the sound didn't become a permanent headache trigger after today.

And the clothes were still pink, so back in they went. Third time's the charm, he thought, but Dream didn't hold out much hope for this round either. This time, he slumped back against the kitchen cabinets to wait, staring at the ceiling or his feet more than the washer.

When the alarm sounded again, he felt pain throb in his temples. That confirms that, then. He pulled the clothes from the washer—he was definitely letting his desperation delude him, but he thought they almost looked a half-shade lighter. At this rate, he'd only have to re-wash them a few dozen more times to get them clean.

Neither his head nor Hob's water bill would enjoy that, so he finally conceded defeat for the moment and went to hang everything to dry. Maybe a freak storm would blow through and carry everything off before he had to explain himself to Hob—who would be home soon, one way or another.

With the laundry hung up, he fussed about making a pot of tea for Hob's return, thinking to bribe his way out of some disappointment, and tried to settle back into his novel to distract himself while he waited. No such luck, of course. Every mention of the heroine's blushing cheeks and petal-pink lips reminded him of the Oxford shirts and tennis socks on the clothesline. He chewed at his lips, glancing from the page to the front door and back again, reading the line several times over.

When he finally heard Hob's keys clatter in the lock, his heart rate spiked. It was silly to be getting so worked up—while he was hardly a saint, Hob had been nothing but patient and kind with him over all of his missteps as he adjusted to being human. Even the electrical fire. There wasn't even risk of serious bodily harm this time. But still his heart pounded as the door clicked shut behind Hob.

"Hiya, love," Hob said, dropping his bag and keys by the door before coming over to press a kiss to the crown of Dream's head. "How's your day been— Oh! You washed my new jumper! How sweet."

Hob's face was sickeningly fond, and it was that that broke him.

"I ruined your clothes."

"You— what?"

"I ruined them. I tried to do something kind for you, and instead I wrecked your things like some kind of bumbling child."

Dream was scowling, his eyes burning dangerously.

"Hey, hey, no. I'm sure you didn't wreck anything. I don't even smell smoke." Hob's smile was kind, far kinder than he deserved.

"Come. I'll show you."

Dream marched out to the balcony, with Hob on his heel. Once there, he gestured at the rosy line of clothes.

"See? I wrecked them. I can buy you new ones—or, I will, once I find work, but I—"

"Dream, love, you didn't wreck anything. C'mere."

Hob held his arms open for a hug, and reluctant though he was, Dream went to him, sliding his arms around his waist and tucking his face into his shoulder.

"They're just clothes, Dream. And even if they were wrecked—which they're not, since I happen to look excellent in pink—I wouldn't be mad at you for making a mistake that nearly every human that's ever learned to do laundry has made." He stroked a hand over Dream's hair, squeezing him tighter for a moment before pulling back to make eye contact. "Okay?"

"…Okay."

That gooey, fond look again.

"Okay. Let's go see about some dinner, then."

---

The next morning, Dream rose with Hob. He boiled water for tea (no fires), he toasted bread (only a little burnt on the edges), and he kissed Hob goodbye as he headed to work in his new red jumper, with a perfectly coordinating pink shirt underneath.

He was starting to really settle into humanity.

[bananapapers]

Lover Dearest

Nahoya Kawata x GN Reader

WARNINGS: literally none, very slight angst like very very very slight, fluff, sweetness, like tooth rotting fluff, reader and Nahoya r so in love I'm sick. Nahoya grown is such a sweet boy. Not beta’d we die like men, no physical describers (i think), no pronoun use

Summary: When his sadness hits, what better to do than surprise your loving boyfriend with flowers - which are named after him.

w/c:1k

A/N: Aster flowers are a symbol of love, baby’s breath means everlasting love, and white carnations mean innocence and pure/sweet love :)  (i love flower language)

Its 5am. I need sleep. this is from my last ask :)

Nahoya didn't often do things for himself you realized. Though you did adore the fact that Nahoya despite his abrasive personality he is very much a selfless person, you wished he would just do something for himself for once. 

Which is how you got here. At a flower shop. Your beloved had seemed down the last few weeks, and regardless of your semi-regular reminders that you're there for him as well, he didn't really open up to you. Nothing past a simple “I know precious, but I'm really just fine.” You, of course, understand that there are definitely some things he doesn't like talking about often, like his violent past or the less savory parts of his mind, but you think sometimes he doesn't realize that he isn't alone. 

Browsing through flowers you kept thinking about how these ones needed to be special. Something meaningful. Being versed in the old plant language was useful, but really only when the person receiving the flowers knows what they mean.. And bless your pretty boy's soul, he does not understand it at all. While you could give him a pretty bouquet of aster, baby’s breath, and white carnations, that is not special enough for your liking right now. And only you would understand what the meaning was..

While staring at the roses and tulips, you thought back to when you did a research paper on native plants in Japan. You got a sudden idea and grinned to yourself, thinking about how perfect your newly brewed plan is. All you had to do was talk to the clerk about something very special and then your plan will be in motion.

When you got home, you immediately started setting up your little surprise for ‘Hoya, placing the small pot full of the pretty greenery that you had picked up and then filling up a vase for the smaller bouquet of baby's breath and lavender that you had also gotten. Setting everything up on the counter of your shared apartment kitchen  so when Hoya came home from the ramen shop he would see them immediately. You had also managed to get a bag of his favorite chocolates that you know he's been craving for awhile and set them up in between the pot and the vase. 

Stepping back you looked at your work and nodded in approval. The potted plant had waxy leaves and pretty pale pink flowers that grow in clusters similar to hydrangeas. The flowers were simple but they were shaped like stars, which made you smile and cheekily think ‘cause he’s a Rockstar.’ 

After admiring your surprise you went to go change in your shared bedroom, throwing on one of his old hoodies and a pair of comfortable lounge shorts. Faintly, the sound of a key turning the lock on the front door can be heard, then the door opening, “Precious? I’m home!” your lover's voice calls out. You could hear him pause, then you decide to head out of the bedroom.

The sight you were greeted with was heartwarming. Your 5 '7 beloved was standing in the doorway, a bag of groceries fallen out of his hands as he stared at the flowers and chocolates in front of him. He had small crocodile tears starting to form in his eyes, which made you slightly worry.

“Do you not like them..?”, you asked quietly, inching closer to him.

“You got me flowers…?” His sweet voice croaked out, his breath caught in his throat. He liked it. 

You smiled then nodded, going over to move the bag of groceries onto the other counter, then giving him a reassuring hug, wrapping your arms around his frame and squeezing gently, one hand rubbing his back ever so slightly.  

“Mhm, got them for you baby, thought you deserved something nice. Been working yourself to the bone lately,” you said gently, studying his face for any other sort of reaction. A small smile took over his features and he looked genuinely happy for the first time in weeks. “You got me flowers..” he repeated, more a statement than his previous sentence, simply affirming it in his mind. He wrapped his arms around your frame and laughed softly, burying his nose into the crown of your hair. “You got me flowers!” he said one last time, full of joy and slight laughter, it warmed your belly seeing him this happy.

“Yup!” you giggled out, returning his affection, “and there's something special about these ones,” you said gesturing towards the potted plant. 

“What's special about them, pretty?” he said gently, smiling at you with a loving look lingering in his eyes. You turned and smiled at him, “They’re named after you, Hoya..”

He furrowed his brow and tilted his head at you, “What do you mean they’re named after me baby?” His tone was confused but soft. He always refused to use anything but a kind voice with his pretty baby. You smiled, “This is a Hoya Carnosa, it's a native to japan and its named after you. At Least to me it is, haven't I always told you that you were my pretty flower?” your smile turned teasing then you laughed, “thought they would look nice on the front counter of the shop.. A little plant named after the owner?” you suggested, smiling towards him. 

His face went through a range of emotions, love, joy, then something unreadable to you. He was looking at you like you were his sun, his moon, and all his stars. Staring at you like you were the only thing in existence, “I love you so much, pretty baby..” he said while collecting you into a hug, one of his hands coming up to the back of your hand, caressing gently like you were fragile and he might break you. 

“Truly, this made all the bad stuff go away, please never change or leave me..” he said into your shoulder, his tone was not remorseful but more gently broken. He wasn't upset or anything, just thankful. That was the only way you could describe it, he was thankful he had you.

“Never. I love you too, Hoya.”

“Thank you”

[amazing-spiderling]

7 11 18 27 30. something you've been on the fence about treating yourself to? (this is your sign saying to go for it btw)

7. What animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

Ahhh who doesn't love jellyfish in an illuminated tank? But I also love those little eels that stick their heads out of the tiny holes in the sand.

11. Anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

When my parents died and my siblings got around to selling the house, they asked if there was anything I wanted to keep. I held onto the dining room table and chairs just because I remembered having Sunday lunches and holiday meals around it. The chairs really need to be replaced (they're falling apart and mismatched) but the table is going strong.

18. your boba/tea order?

I don't get many boba style drinks because it's too much sugar for me, so my ideal order is something like a green/jasmine tea over ice with bits of fruit and whatever the lowest level of sweetness is, like 25% tends to be perfectly fine for me. Or if they do fruit teas, usually the fruit syrup they use is plenty of sugar, so I might get that and then some rainbow (or star!) jellies. :)

27. what’s your favorite or go-to outfit?

Huhhh... well I got this really cute oversized hoodie for Christmas from My Violet. I like to throw that on with either some of my pastel jeans (I have some that match the mint and pink parts of the hoodie) or these lavender stretch pants, since the hoodie covers my butt. Then just whatever socks and sneakers, although if I'm trying to make a little effort, I'll wear like, my pastel creepers. It's very easy to throw it on but still be the cutest person at the grocery store. XD

30. something you've been on the fence about treating yourself to? (this is your sign saying to go for it btw)

Ahahaha... I saw some really cute t-shirts from Swimmer that had their vintage looking animals on them, and I think they'd be cute with some of my lolita skirts (which I don't wear often enough bc I don't have cutesy tops to wear with them). All of my lolita blouses are intended to be worn with jsks- they are either a bit transluscent or in some cases a little short on my midriff, or don't have much of a shape- all things that get hidden when they're under the jumper skirt. I put it off for a bit, and now my friend is going to Japan and asked if I wanted her to look for anything, but I'm not even sure if these would be in shops or online only... Well ANYWAY, at some point I'll get around to it- assuming they don't sell out first.