#She has plenty of time to get over her damn anxiety in another event this shouldn't have been so about her

[aetheternity]

"Venti stans are low key annoying complaining about Venti not being the main focus of the Windblume festival."

First off we do not care. Second off ok???? Literally every character stan complains about their fave not getting enough screen time hop off.

It isn't even about screen time for me. It's about the fact that Venti hasn't truly felt like Venti in several updates. The last time he truly felt like himself was during Weinlesefest but even then he still didn't feel like the Venti we met all the way back during the first archon quest. And I don't wanna hear "hE hAd cHaRaCtEr dEvLoPmEnT." Cause no that isn't what happened, he regressed as a character. He's becoming fanon Venti in game. He gets used for alcohol jokes and Paimon calls him lazy then he dips. 🙄

"He was just in the Lantern Rite.." Shut Up. Shut Up. Shut all the fucking way up! He was terrible in LR and honestly if you cut Venti out of LR you basically have the same event. He did literally nothing of substance and he shouldn't have been there at all.

The first Windblume festival centered around Venti and showed us more of Venti being Mondstadt's archon. The second Windblume festival has barely anything to do with him. Excuse us if we're fucking disappointed, we have every right to be. Like I said literally every character's stans complain about them not getting enough screen time. Yeah sure if every Mondstadt event centered Venti it'd get old but the biggest problem is they decided to center a MONDSTADT EVENT around fucking SUMERU CHARACTERS. Fucking Collei gets more screen time than any Mondstadt character. Which wouldn't be a problem but this is a main Mondstadt event. Even though Venti was in LR 3 he wasn't a main focus he was a background character to the rest of the cast. Which is what Collei should've been cut out Tighnari and Cyno.

Mondstadt has so many underutilized characters and their screen time got spliced for the Sumeru fuckers who already have too much screen time. The entire last five updates have had Cyno in almost everything and Tighnari as well and while Collei has less screen time than them she has yet to be under used. If this was about Collei meeting up with Amber again they could've had that in a different event. If this was about Collei facing her anxiety it could've happened in a different event. They should've just had Sucrose helping Mondstadters cause guess what? You think this is going to be the last time a nation's event gets characters bombarding in? Hell no Fontaine is coming soon we're one hundred percent going to get nation festivals with random characters that have nothing to do with anything probably until the end of the game.

We'll see how happy ya'll are when your fave gets less screen time for some randos that have nothing to do with the nation you care about.

[faelune-home]

FFXIVWrite 2023 #14: Clear

(Spoilers for early Endwalker, post-In From The Cold!! Discussions of disconnection from the self featured in a way.

A/n: By all accounts, having a reflection moment after That One Duty makes the most sense, processing the event and how the WoL would feel from it, most people have tackled the topic by now. But I oddly struggled with this, and just how to display Fhara's anxiety and discomfort. Going too far into the feeling of disconnect felt too strong (even if its not misplaced), so trying to get the right balance was kinda hard.

In a way though I still appreciate this writing piece for being a chance to delve into a deeper, stronger emotional moment for her, since while I've done a few before, this is definitely a more intense time. I do feel I should try and write about some stronger emotional moments as well to try and get more of a feel for Fhara's more intense, non-happy go lucky sides so this maybe doesn't feel as hard to write about in future. She can't be 'anime protag' cheerful all the time aha

At least she has plenty of support when she needs it. ^^

Word count: 597)

It was like the fog had cleared from her mind and she could see once more. No longer feeling as though she was drifting disconnected from herself.

Seeing herself walk and talk and do things she would never do, readying a scythe near Alisaie’s neck, and just after she had finally been freed from that damned collar–

That didn’t happen, stop thinking of things that didn’t happen, we stopped it! We made it in time, it didn’t happen!

‘But it could’ve happened,’ Fhara’s thoughts snapped back at the voice trying to reason with her panicking, still too wound up from the experience, ‘If I was too late, or if he’d decided to ignore me, it could’ve–’

She choked back a sob, trying to stay silent lest the others worry, separated as she was in one of the half standing houses of the camp. They always worried for her, she didn’t want them to hold back for her. They only had a few minutes to rest and collect themselves, and everyone in the camp had insisted she take the time to settle after that.

She wanted to insist on chasing after the duo, because they couldn’t afford to waste time, couldn’t afford to let them gain any advantage toward their goal. But if she insisted that she was fine, if she insisted she could handle it, everyone else would worry, and she didn’t want them to worry.

Fhara bit back another cry, trying to swallow down her fear and her trembling. The sooner she felt more stable, the sooner she felt like she could keep gong, the sooner she could stand without feeling as though she would collapse like she’d forgotten how to walk on her own two legs, as soon as she could look at her hands without seeing cold metal gauntlets in their place–

Someone brushed up against her, sitting next to her and pulling her arm into their own grasp. When did they join her? She had her eyes trained on the opposite wall the whole time, she should’ve seen someone enter, should've heard them walking up to her.

“I’m right here,” the person said, giving her arm a gentle squeeze, “Everyone else is outside. They wanted to be here for you, but they didn’t want to crowd you.”

Fhara’s ear flicked in acknowledgement, even if her mind was still processing that she wasn’t alone anymore, still trying to figure out who it was with her, the panicked buzz still churning over the experience of stumbling through the streets and almost choking on smoke and oil in the air.

Who do you think it would be? Who else insists on refusing to let you deal with these problems on your own, like you always have done. She’s always insisted on doing things together, never letting you do it alone.

“I know we don’t have the luxury of time, but no-one’s leaving here until you feel ready. Until you’re truly okay. And I can’t force you to stop if you tried to push on…but I hope you take this time now. I’ll be with you here, if you want me to stay.”

Fhara finally loosened her grip on herself to clutch at Alisaie’s arm.

“Please stay. I just…I’m not ready yet,” Fhara whispered, her voice trembling, “‘M sorry.”

Alisaie pulled her into a hug, guiding Fhara to rest her head on her shoulder, despite the size difference between them.

“Don’t be. Don’t ever feel sorry for this.” A single sob broke the air, then the rest muffled into the thick coat. Alisaie simply held her tighter.

[lis-likes-fics]

The Crowned Jewel | Chapter 3

Y/N walked next to Elijah, her eyes either downcast to the bracelet on her wrist she was playing with or darting around the room. To make light conversation, she asked, "So who does what?"

Elijah turned his gaze to her, understanding his question as he nodded. "Rebekah manages the girls and their scheduling. She ensures everyone and everything is on time and has what they need."

She nodded, listening too closely to him speak. He continued, "Niklaus is our master of ceremonies, but he also organizes special events. Kol is the stage manager." He turned to her with a calm smile, "I handle our finances and make sure none of my siblings try to kill one another. It is a difficult job."

She laughed, "Which one?"

"The second," he replied. She laughed again as they continued to walk toward the bar. They soon reached one being wiped down by another beautiful blonde decorated in plenty of rings, bracelets, and necklaces, her ears adorned with lovely earrings.

She did not look up as she instinctively asked, "What can I get you?"

"Sister," Elijah called simply.

Damn. Was everyone in this family sculpted by gods?

The woman looked up, revealing beautiful green eyes and a kind smile. She tossed the rag under the bar table and leaned on the counter. "Oh, hello, Elijah. Who is this?" she asked, her eyes falling on Y/N.

"This is Y/N Grand," he introduced, gesturing to the woman at his side with a smile.

Freya nodded kindly, holding out her hand, "From the Dynasty. Hi, I'm Freya, the oldest."

"Freya runs the bar," Elijah told her.

"It's lovely to meet you," Y/N said as she shook her hand.

"And you, as well," she smiled. "If you ever need a drink, it's on the house. After meeting all of my siblings, you'll need one."

"Thank you," she said, laughing with her. "They weren't terrible. It's been really nice to meet you all thus far."

"I'm glad. I hope you feel welcomed here," she said with a nod. She then nodded to Elijah and motioned to the bar, "I have to tend the bar. It's getting crowded. People are eager for the Grand-Mikaelson performance."

They looked around in agreement as they saw the amount of people who had filed in. Looking down at her rose gold watch, she saw that the time was getting nearer for the show. There was a curling feeling in the pit of her stomach, that nervousness seeping through as the performance got closer and closer.

Freya noticed this and gave her a reassuring smile, "You'll both do great." She waved to the two before going to tend the bar.

Y/N walked with Elijah to the main stage. There were plenty of people in the crowd already, their attention turned to the two of them as they awaited the show. They checked the microphones, signaling with the techs for lighting and sounds before confirming that everything was in place.

One of the stage hands came to hand Elijah a beautiful dark guitar and pick. He strummed a few chords to make sure it was tuned properly, nodding with a small smile dusting over his lips when he heard that everything was in order. He set the guitar down and leaned back in his seat before turning to her.

"Are you nervous?" he asked. Only she could hear him speaking to her, which was good. She shrugged, "A little. I wish we could have rehearsed, at least once."

She rubbed her hands together and sighed gently. He nodded, "That would have helped, but I'm sure everything will be fine." She smiled at his reassurance and nodded, giving him a gentle thanks.

It was not long before Klaus joined them onstage, both standing as he got ready to announce for the crowd. He took a mic and tapped it to make sure it was working before flashing a large smile and looking out over the crowd.

"Hello, everybody!" he announced, the crowd replying with just as much enthusiasm. "Yes! Are you ready for the show of a lifetime, a show no one ever anticipated, a show that will define the future of two families forever?"

The anxiety built inside of her at his choice of words, the pressure seeping into her bones. Elijah moved to her side, speaking in a low voice with his lips next to her ear, "He is just getting them excited. Don't let it get to you." She looked at him, and he gave her a quick wink. A shudder wracked down her spine and she tried her hardest to shove it down. She tried again to hide her blush as she smiled and thanked him. His velvety voice did help to calm her.

The crowd screamed under Klaus' excitement, and he let out an even bigger smile. He seemed to be in his element on stage like this, soaking in the praise and excitement of the crowd.

"We love to hear those cheers," he said. "Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for your Stag, Elijah Mikaelson and, our lovely guest, Y/N Grand!"

The crowd cheered, and it helped to ease her worries. A cheering crowd was a happy crowd.

Klaus turned to them, his hands on their arms as he acknowledged kindly, "Break a leg, you two." They thanked him before he got off the stage.

Y/N and Elijah stood next to each other, looking through the crowd with smiles on their faces, squinting in the bright light. Y/N looked out to see where her party was, spotting Richard and Damon sitting together at a table with cups in hand. Damon raised his glass to her. Elijah grabbed his guitar and pick, pulling the strap over his head as he got it positioned.

He spoke into the mic in front of him, "Hello, everyone." They shouted back. "Tonight is a very special night. Not only for the Avenue, but for Fox Dynasty, as well. As our wonderful host announced, I am joined tonight by the very talented Vixen, and I look forward to doing more shows with her in the future."

He turned to her with a sincere smile as he said those words. She smiled and grabbed her own mic as she nodded at him. "Thank you so much, Elijah, and Klaus for that amazing introduction. I think they covered it all. I am looking forward to doing these performances in the future for you lovely people. That is all. Enjoy the show."

Their shouts filled the large room again, and she turned to Elijah with a nod to show that she was ready. He looked down at his guitar and began to strum the opening chords, his fingers moving expertly on the strings. They both closed their eyes as they counted the beats in their heads.

When Elijah began to sing those first lyrics, Y/N's eyes turned to him, caught off guard by his singing. She had heard rumors of his talented voice, but she had never heard his voice in person.

"Tell me something, girl. Are you happy in this modern world? Or do you need more? Is there something else you're searching for?"

The notes fell from his tongue so clearly and so smoothly. His deep tones washed over her, and she hoped he never stopped.

But when his lyrics came to a close and he continued to strum, she got her head back into gear and readied herself for her turn.

She let out a slow breath before opening her mouth to sing, allowing his music to wash over her. "Tell me something, boy. Aren't you tired tryna fill that void? Or do you need more? Ain't it hard keepin' it so hardcore?"

Elijah's head had turned to her so quickly, immediately caught up in her song. He, too, had only heard rumors but never heard the smooth tones of her voice. The crowd whooped at her voice.

The music seeped into her skin, the warmth from the light matching the warmth from her singing. He could tell just how much she enjoyed singing, performing for her audience, in the way that she got lost in the music.

"I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in. I'll never meet the ground. Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us. We're far from the shallow now," she sang, her voice eventually joined by Elijah's in a perfect harmony.

It was as if their voices were meant to be melded together like this. The crowd sure thought so as they exploded with cheers.

Y/N began to vocalize to fill the space of the instrumental, her voice carrying strong throughout the building as her eyes stayed shut to feel the music. Elijah's eyes were glued to her, admiration shining in them as he watched her.

He gravitated toward her, his steps carrying him to her microphone as they came back to the chorus. Her eyes opened to see him, her smile curling on her lips again as she kept singing. When he joined her again, they were sharing the one mic, their eyes refusing to tear away from one another. Their chemistry was obvious to anyone with eyes or ears. No one could deny that.

As the song came to an end, and Elijah strummed the last chords, the crowd erupted in cheers and whistles that were defeating loud but still very much welcome.

Y/N and Elijah were still partially wrapped up in their own world as they watched each other. They had to come back to reality, though, as they turned to the crowd. Y/N's eyes searched it again quickly for her father, only to find their table empty. Her smile fell slightly before Elijah's hand found her own.

She turned to him, almost surprised, before he signaled for a bow. She quickly realized what he was doing and smiled again as she bowed with him, earning more praise from her audience.

Klaus rejoined them on stage with a mic. "What a show!" he cheered. "Give it up for our Stag and Vixen, Elijah and Y/N!"

Klaus stood to the side and did a large sweeping motion to the two of them. Y/N's smile widened a little more as she bowed once more with Elijah. She smiled at him before leaving the stage by his side.

As they got back behind the stage, she had to take a moment to catch her breath and calm down from all the excitement. Elijah flashed her a large smile, his eyes wide with wonder. The look he was giving her made her flush and was glad she had grown flustered while performing.

"You were amazing," he breathed, his own cheeks slightly flushed as he set his guitar down backstage. "You... Your voice is magnificent."

Her cheeks hurt so much from smiling. "Thank you," she responded, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. She then noticed his tie, slightly crooked around his neck, so she walked over slowly and raised her hands to adjust it carefully.

Her fingers brushed against his neck, her eyes trying to stay focused on his tie, but straight upward to his eyes when she caught him gazing down at her.

She cleared her throat and mumbled, "You were amazing up there." It took her a moment to realize her hands were still resting on his tie for too long before she returned them to her sides, smoothing down her dress to give them something to do.

"Thank you," he said quietly. There was a long silence as they watched each other before he cleared his throat, putting his hands in his pockets.

They were suddenly interrupted—or rather, the silence was interrupted—when a voice spoke up.

"Elijah!"

Y/N turned around to find a woman walking over with a smile on her face. "Gia," he answered. She walked over to him, her arms wrapping around his neck as she pulled him in a hug. He hugged her back, his eyes glancing up at Y/N as he did so.

Gia pulled back and told him, "You sounded great." He thanked her and she turned around to see Y/N. "And you were also really great.

"Thanks," she mumbled. She pointed behind herself, "I should go find my dad and Damon."

She turned and left without giving him a chance to respond. There was no reason to be upset, she should have seen it coming. But it worked out. He was taken, she was taken. It should help with the temptation.

She took in a breath and searched the club for Richard and Damon. When she could not find them, she stopped and pulled out her phone.

Sighing, she called her dad's number and waited for the tone to pick up. "Hey, baby."

"Hi, where are you?" she asked, her nerves returning to her.

"Back at the Dynasty. What do you need?" he asked.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair, "Did you... did you even see the show?"

"I saw the first bit and got a call. Is Damon not there?" he asked.

"No," she said. "I don't know where he is."

He sighed, "Well, sorry, sweetheart. Give him a call. If you can't reach him, I'll have Vincent come pick you up."

"No, it's okay," she sighed. She had already given Vincent the night, she did not want to call him back to take her home. "Bye."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he hung up.

She sighed heavily and called Damon next. She tapped her foot as he took longer to answer. When he finally spoke, he sounded out of breath. "Hey, babe," he greeted. "What's up?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose, "You left me here. Where are you?"

"Got a call to the parlor," he answered. "Why?"

She ignored the obvious lie as she heard a small crash in the background, followed by a stifled giggle. She let out a long, silent breath and spoke, "Just forget it. I'll get myself home."

"Okay, goodbye," he answered simply before hanging up. She sat down at the bar, setting her phone down and hanging her head. She sighed, shaking her head. "God, I'm a mess," she mumbled.

She had known of Damon's "parlor calls" for months now. She would have broken it off a long time ago, but she was too scared of what that would do to the partnership between the parlor and the club. She was better off sucking it up and suffering in silence.

"You look like you could use a drink," someone said as they walked over to her. Y/N looked up to see a green-eyed blonde, her smile friendly as she walked over with two shot glasses. She started pouring whiskey into the glasses and passed one to her.

She breathed a laugh and nodded, raising her glass and throwing back the shot with the bartender. She hummed as she let the liquor burn down her throat, "Yeah, boys."

She playfully rolled her eyes, "That's usually how it goes. I'm Cami." She tapped her name tag twice.

"Hey, I'm–"

"Y/N Grand, I know. You did great up there," she smiled. "Definitely the best show I've seen here."

She smiled and thanked her, her mood already lifted. "Thanks for the shot. Needed that one."

"Yeah, I figured," she smiled. "You wanna talk about it?"

She shrugged a shoulder and hummed, "Not really, but thanks for asking."

"No problem." Her eyes lifted and she chuckled as she looked at someone walking over to the two. "Speaking of boy trouble... What's up, Mikaelson?"

Y/N turned around to see Elijah walking over, a smudge of lipstick at the corner of his mouth. "Cami," he greeted. "Y/N."

Cami gestured to his lip, "You got a little something there." He wiped the lipstick away with his thumb, humming as a thanks.

"Are you getting our new partner drunk?" he questioned with an amused grin at the small glass Y/N played with in her hand.

"I don't know. You wanna drink to it?" she asked with a smirk. He raised a hand and chuckled, "I think I'll pass."

His eyes turned back to Y/N, speaking gently, "Do you have a ride back home?"

She glanced back at her phone and sighed, "Not really, but I can find one. Don't worry."

He furrowed his brow, "Where did Salvatore go?"

She glanced back at Cami, as if giving a knowing look, and then back to Elijah. "Got called back at work."

Cami nodded as she understood the undertone in her words. "Ah, take this then," she said, pouring another shot for her. She smiled at Cami, clinking her glass and downing one more shot.

"That one hit the spot," she smirked, her body relaxing a little more. She winked and gestured to the bar. "Listen, I'll see you later. Have a good night."

She thanked her quietly and turned her attention back to Elijah as Cami left. "Please, allow me to take you to dinner, and I'll drive you home."

Her heart fluttered at his offer, and she shook her head bashfully. "Er– No, I wouldn't want to impose."

He shook his head, "Nonsense, I insist. I wouldn't want you leaving on an empty stomach, and I want to make sure you get home safe." He held his hand out to her, a kind smile on his lips. "Please."

The look in his eyes was nothing if not sincere and gentle. His tone of voice threatened to make her melt. She nodded slowly, slipping her hand in his warm one as she stood from her stool. Shivers shot through her spine, her body almost visibly trembling. She smiled at him, "Thank you."

"It's my pleasure," he said.

[procrastinatingnerd]

Hi everyone! So this was my first time taking part in the @osemanversebigbang but I had so much fun!! I can't wait to read everyone's entries! 💜

Title: Angel Rahimi And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Lunch Break

Characters: Angel, Juliet, Rowan, Jimmy, Lister, Bliss, two of Angel’s future uni friends (OCs).

Spoilers? Minor spoilers of important events in “I Was Born For This”.

Word Count: 3.6k

Ships: Bicci, one joke about Juliet/Rowan.

~Joan of Arc (Probably)

“I am so fucking tired”

“Right, time’s up, put your pens down.” The exam officer says from the front of the room. I scribble one last sentence before my hand gives out, and I all but throw my pen onto the desk, sighing as dramatically as I can. This week is a fucking nightmare. Exams and assignments are the piss. Fuck uni, I’m ready to drop out. Or drop dead. Either works, honestly.

As I leave the exam hall, I walk past some people from the students’ union. They’re handing out flyers for the Christmas ball next week. My housemates are all planning on going, but my friends and I planned our present swap for that night, so we’re going to spend it eating a fuck ton of snacks and watching the cheesiest Christmas films we can find. I can’t wait, I bought them each a bag of their favourite sweets from the American candy shop, it's going to be so much fun!

But that’s next week. Right now, all I want is to sit at a table that doesn’t have an exam paper on it, and eat something very greasy and very unhealthy. There’s a pizza place just on the edge of campus, run by some of the culinary arts students, and they make the best sauce ever. It’s pretty cheap too, which makes it a favourite for most people, especially at the end of a semester, when everyone’s bank accounts are running low.

I have about an hour until I need to be back in the exam hall, so I take full advantage of the outdoor seating and collapse into a chair after ordering. My pizza is brought out to me not long after, and I breathe in the smell. Nothing has smelt more gorgeous than the slices sitting in front of me. It’s a surprisingly warm day, for December at least, and for a moment, everything feels calm. I can hear a bird singing in a tree somewhere, other students are hanging around campus, most with their noses in their phones or in textbooks, and I actually let myself relax for a bit. I’ve done all the revision I can for this next exam, and I’m in desperate need of a break. I deserve this.

I pick up my first slice of pizza, and bring it up to my mouth. As I’m about to take a bite, however, my phone rings. I put the pizza down with a sigh and answer the phone without looking at who’s calling. Mum probably sensed I wasn’t doing any work, and is calling to check up on me.

“Hello?” I say tiredly.

“Angel, hi! Is this a good time??” I grin at the sound of Juliet’s voice.

“Hell yeah, it’s a perfect time! What’s up?”

“Wait, you don’t know why I’m calling?” Juliet says hesitantly. Shit. What have I forgotten now? I know it’s not her birthday. Wait, is it mine?? I swear exams rot your brain, have I actually forgotten my own birthday?

“No…?” I ask after internally monologuing for way too long.

“Oh my god, you don’t know??” Juliet screeches in my ear, “Angel go look at your phone, it’s urgent!”

Now very concerned, I put Juliet on speaker and, for the first time all morning, actually read the notifications filling my lock screen. I open the Twitter news one, and my mouth drops open in shock.

“Holy shit.”

On my screen is a news article with a headline that reads, “THE ARK’S JIMMY KAGA-RICCI AND LISTER BIRD’S SECRET RELATIONSHIP EXPOSED”, and just below it sits a large photo of Jimmy and Lister, standing outside a pub, kissing. I don’t believe it.

“Holy fu- Hold on a second. Mate, isn’t that the pub by Piero’s house?!” I say, bringing my phone as close to my face as I can, as if that’ll help me see better. There’s a loud shuffling noise on the other end of the line, and then I hear a gasp.

“Oh my god, you’re right!” Juliet says. “Rowan said they were going on holiday, but I thought he meant abroad or something.” I smile at that. Ever since our little jaunt to Kent last summer, Juliet and I have kept in touch with the boys. We even have a group chat now; us and them and even Bliss is in it. I’m so glad we stayed friends.

At first, Rowan was really quiet, and if he did speak he and Juliet would almost always end up arguing, but they’ve been getting along quite well lately. I’m not saying I ship it or anything, I’ve learnt my lesson there, but I have to say, fangirl-to enemies-to lovers would make a wicked fanfiction trope.

“Did you see any of this coming?” Juliet continues. “Surely Jimmy would have said something to you?”

“He said he was dating someone, but didn’t want to give details because they were taking things slow. Well, that and that celebrity phone hacking scandal freaked him right the fuck out, remember?” I say.

"That's

right, he stopped talking on the group chat for like two weeks, didn’t he?” Juliet giggles back. “Well, nevertheless, I’m happy for them. They’re cute together.”

“Yeah, they are.” I grin again. “Oh my god, poor Rowan though! I’d hate to live with a couple, especially a new one! It’d be nauseating.”

“Oh I know, right? And imagine what’ll happen when they have their first fight!” Juliet gasps again. I shudder at the thought.

“I’m muting the group chat when that happens.” I joke.

“Not a bad idea.” Juliet laughs back, then pauses. “Oh, Angel, I’m sorry I’ve got the get going, but do you want to skype later?”

“Yeah, no problem! I’ve got a revision session at 6, but I should be free by 9ish?”

“Sounds perfect! See you then!” Juliet says, and with that, she’s gone, and I’m back to sitting alone with my pizza.

Jimmy and Lister. Holy shit. I don’t think anyone in the fandom saw this coming. Everything has been about Jowan, since the fandom started growing it’s the only ship that ever existed. No one bothered writing fics about any other pairings. The only Jimmy/Lister fics I ever came across were platonic ones, and even they made sure to mention Jimmy’s boyfriend Rowan.

Oh god, I hope they’re okay. The fans got so crazy when Bliss and Rowan’s relationship was exposed. Jimmy/Lister is the final nail in the Jowan coffin. Jimmy must be having the panic attack of his life! I’ve got to-

My phone rings again.

I look down at the screen, and see Jimmy’s name. I take a deep breath, and answer.

“Jimmy, hi! How are-”

“Have you seen it??”

“Yes.”

“Oh god. This isn’t how we wanted to tell you guys.”

“You sure? Because getting caught by the national press worked so well for you last time.” I tease. Silence. Oops, probably not the best thing to remind him of right now.

“Jimmy, you still there?” I say carefully. There’s a slight rustle on his end, which means he probably just nodded. “Everything is going to be fine, I promise. The fans will move on. They already did with Jowan, right?”

“But what if something happens again? Something like-”

“It won’t. You guys have better security now, and you’re doing less public events. You’re going to be fine.” I hope and pray that I’m saying the right things. Jimmy and I have gotten close lately, but I’m nowhere near as good at helping him deal with his anxiety as Rowan and Lister are. There’s more silence, until finally, Jimmy speaks again.

“Okay. Yeah. Yeah I think you’re right. Thanks, Angel.”

“Course I’m right! If there’s one thing I know, it’s fandom drama.” Jimmy laughs, and I grin back. “And don’t forget, you’re not alone in this. This is happening to Lister too, and no doubt Rowan and Bliss will be there to help you. Just talk to them.”

“Thank you Angel, I’ll go do that now.”

“Perfect! Love you Jim, I’ll text you later.” I say, and the call ends.

He’ll be okay. He’s got too many people who love him not to be. I take another breath and put my phone down on the table. As soon as I do, however, it buzzes again, and I see Jimmy is trying to facetime me. Now very concerned, I answer it and hold the phone up so he can see my face properly.

“Jimmy, are you okay, what’s happened??” I ask anxiously, but he looks fine. He looks at me with a confused expression.

“Nothing, I’m just talking to the others, like you said.” He says. It’s only me and him on the call. I stare at him in silence for a moment.

“Jimmy, mate… I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not any of them” I say slowly, and to my surprise, Jimmy laughs.

“Yeah I know, but I was kind of hoping to have you here, too, if that’s okay?” He says sheepishly. “It’s okay if you’re busy, it’s just that… I don’t know, you’re good with this stuff and you make me feel calm? Sorry, I know that’s a lot to just dump on you.” Jimmy doesn’t look at me directly, and I start to feel tears in my eyes.

“Well damn, Jim, I guess if you truly love me that much, I can stick around for a bit.” I laugh, and quickly glance at the time. “My lunch break is only halfway over, anyway, so I have plenty of time to hang out while you talk to the others.”

Jimmy seems to let out a breath, like he’d been holding it, and grins.

Just as I’m about to start talking again, I hear a ping, and Lister’s face appears on screen, followed by Rowan and Bliss.

“Hey Jimjam, you okay?” Rowan asks, looking as calm as ever. “Oh hey Angel.” He adds. I give him an awkward smile.

“Wait, Angel's here?” Bliss interrupts before Jimmy can answer. “Nice, how’s the week from hell going? Didn’t think we’d hear from you until you’d made it through.”

“Yeah it’s rough, but I’m getting there. This is a welcome distraction though.” I grin at her.

“So you’ve seen the pictures then. They look good, right?” Lister chimes in, before correcting himself. “I mean, it’s horrible they found us, fucking pricks, but you’ve got to admit we look good.”

“You can be so self-centred sometimes.” Bliss laughs.

“Come on Lister, this isn’t a joke.” Rowan chides him.

“Well, I guess he isn’t wrong..” Jimmy mumbles nervously and I see him smile a bit.

“See, Jimmy agrees with me!” Lister argues back at Rowan, who rolls his eyes.

“It’s still not something to laugh about.” Rowan says firmly. “Cecily’s already on damage control, cancelling some events, beefing up the security at others, and giving the tabloids hell. She’s also let your grandad know, Jimmy.”

“Wait, aren’t you guys all down there already?” I ask, confused.

“Nah we got back last night. That picture was taken when we went out for lunch the other day. Took their time printing it.” Lister says.

“Probably needed time to pad out their articles. Seriously, how can they write so many pages about two people dating?” Bliss adds.

“Probably whining about how Jowan is now well and truly dead.” Rowan rolls his eyes again. “Although I have to say, I’m pretty happy about that part.” I cringe slightly as he says that. I will never not regret being one of the Jowan fangirls.

“So Cecily’s already got a plan? That’s good, that’s a bit of a relief.” Jimmy speaks up, looking visibly more relaxed than he had sounded over the phone earlier.

“Yeah she’s got it sorted, so we can start planning our Christmas party!” Lister says, making the others groan.

“Lister what the hell makes you think we should be throwing a massive fucking party right now?!” Rowan says, his voice growing louder. Lister goes quiet, looking like he wants to shrink into his seat, before eventually speaking up again.

“Look, it doesn’t have to be anything big, I just mean… Angel, you’re gonna be in London with Juliet, right? Come over, drag Bliss with you, Jimmy can invite his grandad, Rowan you can bring Jade, and there you go, that’s our party!”

“That’s...actually a good idea.” Rowan says, surprised.

“Yeah, that sounds like fun!” Jimmy adds.

“I’m up for it, Angel, do you think Juliet will wanna come?” Bliss says.

“Hell yeah she would, let’s do it!” I reply with a massive smile on my face. Partying with Bliss and the boys sounds like the best way to spend my Christmas London trip. I’ll make sure to tell Juliet about it when I talk to her later. As I start planning all the food I’m going to bring over, and wondering what the boys’ flat will look like at Christmas, the conversation starts up again.

“You sure you’re doing alright, Jimmy? I can come back home if you need me to.” Rowan says, focusing things on the issue at hand again.

“No no, don’t worry, stay with your family. They’d kill me if I made you miss out on spending time with them.” Jimmy jokes. “I’ve got Lister here, and Cecily’s number if I need it. My head isn’t giving me too much grief right now, anyway.”

“Wait, Lister, you’re there with him?” Bliss asks.

“Yeah, check it out!” Lister says, before picking up his phone and moving. He takes us out of what I think was his room, through a hallway and comes out into a large living room, where we can see Jimmy on a sofa looking at his phone. “Say hi to the chat, Jim!”

Everyone laughs as Jimmy gives an awkward wave to Lister’s phone. Lister then hangs up and launches himself into view of Jimmy’s screen, and the two shuffle about until they’re practically sitting on top of each other, faces

squished together so the tiny phone camera captures them both. I hate how cute they look together.

“Alright, if you’re sure, Jimmy,” Rowan says, smiling for probably the first time this whole call.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Jimmy smiles back. “This whole situation is terrifying, and I’m more than ready to hide in my room and not see another mad fangirl for the rest of my life, but... if I did that we’d never get to hang out with Angel again.” He finishes, biting his lip as if unsure of whether or not the joke will hit.

“Uh..ouch!” I clap my hand on top of my heart dramatically and laugh, while the others join in. “I’ll have you know I’ve abandoned my fangirl ways. Mostly. Sort of. Okay, not completely but I’m not shipping real people anymore, so that’s something, right?!”

Lister is giving Jimmy a look of what I can only assume is pride for making a decent joke during a time of peak anxiety, Rowan has his head in his hands, probably contemplating his life choices now that Lister seems to be rubbing off on Jimmy, and Bliss still looks shocked that such a joke came out of Jimmy’s mouth, not Lister’s. When things calm down again, I check the time and speak up again.

“Well this has been fun Jim, but I’m afraid I have mad fangirl duties to be getting back to. Shrines to build, fanfiction to write, you know how it is.” I say sarcastically.

“Thanks again, Angel, for being here, and listening. And you’d better be right about that fandom drama.” Jimmy laughs again, although this time I see his smile falter a bit.

“Hey, look at me,” I say, moving as close to the screen as I can without squishing my face on it. “Things will settle down before you know it, in the meantime, we’re all here for you. You’re not alone in this.” Rowan and Bliss nod in agreement, and I see Lister hug Jimmy closer. Jimmy takes a breath and nods as well.

“Thanks Angel. And good luck with your exam. We’ll see you over the holidays.” He smiles.

“Yeah you got this Angel, go smash it!” Bliss chimes in, giving me a thumbs up and a grin. I say one last goodbye to them all, and hang up.

I look back down at my pizza, still uneaten. I need to stop letting myself get distracted during phone calls. I can eat and talk to my friends at the same time. I’m usually a master at it.

“Fereshteh!” I look up again. Either I’m going loony, or someone just said-

“FERESHTEH!” I turn around and see Mollie and Christina barrelling towards me, with the most excitement I’ve ever seen on a students’ face during exam season. They crash into my table and both start talking at once.

“Have you seen??”

“Did you know??”

“How long have they been together?!”

“Oh my god is this why you won’t tell us about what happened in Kent?!”

“Woah, easy on the interrogation! Seriously, you guys need to work on your interview skills.” I put my hands up in surrender and laugh. Mollie rolls her eyes at me.

“So? Did they tell you or what?” She asks again. I roll my eyes back at her.

“You know I don’t want to tell you guys anything about the boys. They trust me, and I’m not going to fuck that up because of some shit a tabloid prints.”

“How dare you appeal to our morality and ethics, we want gossip dammit!” Christina giggles, lightly banging her fist down on the table.

“Then stick to the Twitter pages.” I stick my tongue out at her. Mollie and Christina are two of my housemates, and are part of the Ark fandom. I never planned on telling them about Kent, but they figured out who I was thanks to the pictures of me and Jimmy on the train. I didn’t think you could tell it was me, but fangirls are like master detectives. They figured it out in less than a week. They haven’t told anyone though, they’re good mates.

“So how are you feeling about all of this? Whether you knew or not, having it out in the press like this is a lot to handle, especially after last time.” Mollie says, now in serious mode.

“It is a lot, definitely, but they’ll be fine. They’ve had this happen before and they know what to expect from the fans. I just wish I could be there for them.” I say, sitting back in my chair.

“I get

that, it must suck that you guys are so far apart now.” Christina chimes in.

“I mean it’s not like we ever lived close to each other before. The only reason we even crossed paths over the summer was because I was staying with a friend. But yeah, being away from them all is kind of hard sometimes.” I sigh dramatically, making Mollie and Christina grin.

“Are you going to visit them over Christmas?” Christina asks.

“I’m definitely going to visit my friend in London again, for a day or two, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to see the boys.” I quickly lie. “They cut back on public events but they’re still really busy most of the time. And this,” I gesture to my phone “definitely won’t help.”

“We’ll keep an eye on fandom updates for you, and try to shut any mentions of Jowan down,” Mollie says, reaching across the table and giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I squeeze hers back and give her a grateful smile. I mostly stopped interacting with the fandom after meeting the boys, reading fanfiction, and discussing theories with other fans just feels weird and creepy to do when the people you’re talking about are your friends. So it’s nice that I have Mollie and Christina looking out for them, and doing what I can’t. Christina has a pretty big following on Tumblr, and Mollie’s a Twitter ace, so I trust them to hold their ground with the fandom.

“Okay, you don’t have to give us any details, but genuinely, what do you think of Lister and Jimmy as a couple? Because I don’t think the fandom could handle a breakup.” Christina says after a while, making me laugh.

“Pfft, yeah I don’t think the boys could handle a breakup, either.” I smile. “But honestly? I think they’ll be good for each other. Lister is good at helping Jimmy relax and step out of his anxiety bubble, and Jimmy can help reign in Lister’s chaotic energy. Plus they’re freaking cute together, I mean just look at this picture!” I finish, gesturing dramatically to my phone again.

“They are so cute!” Mollie nods in agreement. “I’m actually shocked no one thought to ship them together before.”

“That’s the Jowan storm, for you,” Christina adds. “Can’t believe we ever shipped that.”

“So gross.” I shudder at the thought. Suddenly the alarm I’d set this morning went off, making us all jump.

“What’s that?” Mollie asks. I check the screen and practically leap out of my seat.

“Oh shit, my exam starts in 10 minutes!” I say, gathering my stuff up as quickly as I can. I say my goodbyes to Mollie and Christina and start running back across campus to the exam hall.

I make it just in time, much to the invigilator’s chagrin, check my bag in at the desk at the back of the hall, and collapse into my assigned seat. The exam starts, and it’s only when it does that my stomach reminds me that I never actually ate lunch. Shit.

I start to silently scold myself for being so stupid, when my mind starts drifting to the video chat with Jimmy and the others. He and Lister looked so comfortable with each other. Makes sense, they've known each other for so long. But even still, Jimmy looked so much happier once Lister sat down with him, and Lister himself practically seemed at home with Jimmy’s arms wrapped around him. I smile at my exam paper.

I’m so happy for them.

[thefanficmonster]

will you do an oompaville x reader.? like maybe one where you’re at a wedding with him and he asks you to dance.?

Omg an oompaville request!!! I'm so grateful dear! Thank you so much for your lovely request, please enjoy the one-shot 🥰

Perfect Sync

Pairing: Oompaville (Caleb) x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, RPF (Real Person Fic)

There are certain pros and cons to being so distanced from your extended family. And I mean DISTANCED, in all capitals. I actually live in a completely different state on the completely opposite side of the US and yet I still somehow got an invitation to my cousin's wedding. To be fair, it's not that surprising, seeing as how she's the only cousin I have comprehendible memories with from my childhood. She's a really sweet girl - no, woman - and it kinda sucks that we haven't had the chance to catch up in so long.

Among the many other cons is the fact that I don't know a single person at this wedding. Not. A. Single. Person. Sure, there have been several elderly and middle aged couples who've approached me, claiming they know me and given me a huge hug, asking me how my parents were doing. Speaking of my parents, they are a pair of sneaks who avoided coming to the wedding themselves saying they were stuck with a stomach virus while they're actually vacationing in Canada. How wonderful of them, don't you think?

They are chilling in Canada and I'm over here boiling and sweating over my third, possibly forth glass of champagne of the evening, not to mention the wedding hasn't even properly started yet. Count on me switching to whiskey when it does.

Sitting at the table I was pointed to upon arrival, I let my gaze skim over the immense garden decorated with beautiful flowers, fairy lights and handmade décor pieces. Each table and bar is under a white tent, just like the one I’m currently sitting under. It’s a beautiful sight and I can only imagine it’s only gonna get even prettier when the sun finally sets completely and all these fairy lights come on. That’s one of the few good things about my attendance at this event today. The ‘good’ things have been so little in number I can probably count them on the fingers of one hand: 1.I briefly saw and chatted with my cousin who was practically trembling out of excitement, anxiety and happiness. Good for her; 2. I’ve downed so many drinks that would probably cost me a fortune at a club or bar and I’m decently buzzed. Very cool; 3. I made friends with one of the bridesmaids because I had time to kill - turns out she wanted to be at this wedding as much as me: not at all; 4. I caught a whiff of the dinner which was still being cooked and damn am I excited about it; 5. The garden is absolutely breathtaking and it’s a sight worth sticking around for. See, as I said, few enough good things to be able to count them on the fingers of one hand.

And what about that cute guy from earlier?, my subconsciousness nudges me teasingly, causing me to almost evidently roll my eyes.

The hot guy being referred to right now is the one I damn near ran over when I was pulling up to this fancy estate. In my defense, I’m still getting used to the rental car I got when I landed in Texas two days ago, and plus he came out of literally nowhere. Luckily, he wasn’t mean or upset about it, took it quite lightly which was relieving and surprising. 

Not gonna lie though, he was really cute.

I see the people all over the garden hurriedly take a seat when it gets announced that the newly weds are about to have their first dance. I cross my legs, finishing the champagne in one go before I can focus my attention on the lovely couple that’s just stepped out of the mansion-like house and onto the soft grass of the lawn, slowly making their way towards the center where they’re supposed to have the dance - aka where everyone will be dancing afterwards too.

Everyone but me, I’ll be busy chilling by the bar, hopefully in the company of that bridesmaid who I can crack jokes with without feeling guilty.

The two dance in perfect sync, their movements almost mesmerizing to the human eye. I’m no professional dancer but I don’t have two left feet either, yet I’m still amazed by this perfection before me. I bet all the cash I took with me from New York - which is a lot, I expected to spend a lot - that they’ve practiced this more than once. Or at least I hope they have as to make me feel better about my own skills - or the lack thereof.

“I take it you’re a lot less dangerous when you’re not behind the wheel.“ A quiet comment emerges next to my ear, loud enough for me to hear but hushed as to not disturb the couple nor the mob of people watching them in awe.

My eyebrows shoot up. I’ve maybe heard that voice only once before but that teasing tone made me blush like mad earlier and that’s hard to forget. I have a hard time forgetting embarrassment.

Biting my lip, I slowly turn to face him, “I can’t guarantee, there are plenty of sharp objects around after all.“

There’s that same wide smile I saw earlier when my entire life flashed before my eyes. His probably did too but unlike me, he didn’t show it. “Some luck I have sitting next to you then.“ He chuckles, handing me a glass of whiskey. I take it hesitantly, giving him a suspiciously raised eyebrow. “You look like you could use one.“ He shrugs, taking a sip of his own. When my expression doesn’t change and I don’t make a move to ingest the beverage, he rolls his eyes, “Yeah I’m someone you’re seeing for the second time in your life, and yeah you might think I could want revenge for my nearly damaged health, but I don’t. And if you don’t want the whiskey...” he reaches to take it back but I quickly put it up to my lips and take a long sip, causing him to smile. “There you go!”

Oh boy does the taste of whiskey hit different after sipping on champagne for hours. I nod to him in gratitude. “Thanks, I strongly appreciate this.”

He nods back, his smile now a smaller one but still preserving the same amount of joy as when it was a full-blown grin, “I’m Caleb, by the way.”

“Y/N, nice to meet you.“ I reply, feeling the tension in my shoulders easing and the embarrassed blush fading. This guy just has such a chill aura, it’s nice being in his company. Hell, I’ll even go as far as to say if I simply had to almost hit someone with my car today, I’m glad it was him.

As more and more people emerge from their seats, heading hand in hand to the dancefloor to join the newlyweds, I finish my whiskey and am contemplating on going to get myself another but before I can decide, Caleb arises from his seat as well. He takes a stand in front of me, offering me his hand, “Well, there’s very little damage you can do you me out on the dancefloor, right?” He chuckles when he sees he’s made me blush again - third time today, damn it - but then he assumes a more serious facial expression, his smile never faltering though, “Care to accompany me for a dance, Y/N?”

I pretend to think the offer over, weighing my options and its pros and cons when in reality I dam near accepted the same second he asked. “Hmm, ok...“ I say finally, resting my hand in his, “That is, if you promise not to step on my feet. These are some expensive shoes I’m wearing.“

He lets out a genuine laugh as he leads us to the dancefloor, one that I’ll admit is hella contagious, “Says the person who almost ran my ass over earlier. Am I not expensive, huh?”

I give him a confused look, hiding fits of laughter, “I don’t know, Caleb. Are you?”

He shakes his head, “Nah, best offer you’d get for me on Craigslist is like, a dollar? Two if you’re lucky.”

And that’s all it takes to break the dam holding back my laughter, sending me in fits of giggles as we start dancing. My laughter ends just as quickly as it starts though when I realize how in-sync our dancing is. Perfectly synchronized. 

Huh, wonder why, that annoying voice pokes at my peace again. But I don’t let it get to me. Not now at least. I’m just gonna enjoy this moment, dancing with a practical stranger, gazing into his warm and welcoming eyes.

Suddenly I need another hand to count the good things about this wedding since I have to add three new points: 6. Almost hitting Caleb with my car; 7. Officially meeting Caleb; 8. Dancing with him.

Dancing with him in perfect sync

Oh, shut it, I don’t wanna start blushing again.

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Survivor’s Remorse (Ethan x f!MC)

Summary: Set after the events of chapter 11, Naomi isn’t handling things as well as she thought she would.

Tags: @takemyopenheart @aylamreads @fanmantrashcan @whatchique @kaavyaethanramsey @ao719 @x-kyne-x @colourmeshy @paulfwesley @writinghereandthere @ramseyandrys @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramsey @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @trappedinfandoms @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @thatysn @bellcat2010 @theeccentricbibliophile @cecilecontrera @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @caseyvalentineramsey @desmaranj @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartsx @ruinedbypixels @mvalentine @nooruleman @rookie-ramsey

~v~

Naomi getting discharged into Ethan’s care seemed like a natural next step for them. After their nighttime confessions while quarantined, it sort of went without saying that they’re together. If it was up to Ethan, she’d simply move in with him as well, but for now, he is content with cohabitating until she’s recovered fully and cleared to go back to work.

To say the past few days have been exhausting is the understatement of the year. Most of the time, Naomi has a hard time believing it was even real, as it still feels like she’s sleepwalking through it all.

She’s been home for approximately 3 hours and she still doesn’t know how to feel. Ethan’s apartment is quiet, especially since he’s not even here, having run off to the grocery store. Between working 16 hour days in a hospital, living with 4 other people, and being a patient for the past 3 days, getting poked and prodded around the clock, Naomi is no longer used to quiet. It makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

So to soothe the impending anxiety, Naomi has been in Ethan’s living room, his speakers blasting some upbeat pop song that’s currently on a Top 40 chart. She can’t place it, but it doesn’t matter. She just needs background noise.

The music is up loud enough that Naomi doesn’t even hear the front door open. It isn’t until she feels another presence in the room does she look up and see Ethan standing in his mini mud area, dropping off his keys and coat.

“Hey!” Naomi instantly grabs her phone and turns down the music, her cheeks flushing as if she’s been caught. “Sorry I had it up so loud.”

“It’s fine, it wasn’t that loud,” Ethan assures her. “I just expected you to be resting. I thought you were tired.”

She is tired, but she feels restless. “I’m off of work indefinitely, I’ll have plenty of time to sleep.”

Ethan drops off his reusable grocery bag in the kitchen and quickly washes his hands before heading to the living room. He drops a chaste kiss onto Naomi’s forehead. “How are you feeling?”

Naomi shrugs, unsure of how to answer such a loaded question. “Same old, same old.”

Ethan raises an eyebrow at the non-answer, but he doesn’t push it any further. “Well, are you at least hungry?”

“Starving.” Between the gross hospital food and the crippling nausea, food was the last thing on Naomi’s mind. But now that she’s feeling a bit better, she’ll welcome anything Ethan gives her. 

“I’ll get started on dinner. How does French onion chicken and rice sound?”

“Amazing. Do you need any help?”

“None at all,” Ethan says. He doesn’t want Naomi lifting a finger while she’s under his care. “Just sit back and relax.”

“I’m going to take a shower,” Naomi announces, standing up. “Is it okay if I use yours?”

“Of course. There are spare towels in the hall closet. But uh, fair warning, I didn’t know what type of bath products you enjoy, so I went overboard.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes, I think I bought everything I could get my hands on. It’s all in the guest bathroom .”

True to his word, Naomi finds an incredibly large gift basket sitting on the counter of the guest bathroom. It’s filled to the brim with shower gels, bath salts, shampoo, conditioner, lotions, loofahs, and other goodies that will take months for her to go through, all in her favorite scents: coconut, jasmine, and raspberry. It’s very over the top and the products are clearly more luxe than what she’d buy at the Target downtown, but her chest warms at the obvious effort he’s put into it.

Ethan’s en-suite is the same as she remembers from all of those months ago, the first time they slept together. Extremely minimalist with only a few of his grooming products. Naomi is almost certain he doesn’t appreciate the freestanding claw foot bathtub nor the large waterfall shower as much as he should.

Once she gets the water started, gathers all of her products and she’s fully in the shower, Naomi doesn’t do anything except stand directly under the shower head, taking a moment to collect her bearings. She closes her eyes, but instantly regrets it.

As soon as she’s plunged into the darkness, she’s back in the Senator’s hospital room. The hissing sound of the canister rattles around in her brain, the sense of panic in her voice, the ice cold rage in Travis Perry’s voice, the retching sounds of everyone vomiting relentlessly all play through her mind on a torturous loop.

Her eyes fly open, as does a hand to her chest, and in her peripheral, she notices it. The slimy, black oil they were all assaulted with. Naomi looks down, and it’s all she can see, as thick as it was all the days ago, coating from head to toe.

A gasp catches in her throat and she stumbles back, knocking over a few bottles in the process, but she doesn’t care. There’s only one thing on her mind: getting clean.

She turns the water up as hot as possible. She doesn’t bother with any shower gel, she simply grabs her loofah, and scrubs. The spongy material is coarse against her skin, and it’s perfect in this moment because that’s what she needs, and she digs it in as roughly as she can. 

Scrub.

Naomi can still feel the poison. It’s on her skin, in her hair, lingering on her skin. Bobby’s face flashes across her vision once more, absolutely drenched as he took the worst hit, and it only fuels her further.

Scrub.

Her throat tightens, due to the extremely scalding temperature of the water, but instead of turning the water down, Naomi thinks about the tightening sensation she felt when she thought she might asphyxiate in the hospital.

Scrub.

“Dammit!” She doesn’t even realize she’s said the expletive aloud, so caught up in what she’s doing. “Just come off already!”

The concept of time has been lost completely, and Naomi doesn’t know how long she’s been standing in this same spot, methodically scrubbing and rinsing, rinsing and scrubbing. But it’s no use. No matter how much she tries, all she can see is the fucking poison. It’s past surface level, she can feel it in her blood, thrumming as it courses through her veins.

Scrub.

“Naomi?” It’s a different voice, Ethan’s. He heard the bottles fall off the shelves and ignored it, but he can’t ignore the fact that Naomi is yelling at someone or something. “Are you okay in there?”

He raps his knuckles against the door a few times, and when he doesn’t receive a response, his hand goes to the doorknob, twisting it slightly to see if she locked the door. She didn’t. Being courteous, Ethan knocks once more and when Naomi still doesn’t say anything to him, he opens the door to the en-suite and walks in.

Ethan doesn’t know what he expected to see on the other side of the door, but Naomi scrubbing her skin nearly raw under a stream of hot water was not it.

He throws the shower door open, ignoring the steam that billows out, and turns off the water. “Naomi! What on earth are you doing?”

“It won’t come off,” she cries.

“What won’t come off?”

“This damn maitotoxin! It won’t come off, no matter how much scrubbing I do. I want it off! I want it gone!”

Ethan watches as she throws down her loofah and just starts clawing at any piece of flesh she can get her hands on: her face, her chest, her arms, her neck.

Deciding enough is enough, Ethan grabs a large bath towel and wraps it around Naomi’s petite frame, holding down her arms so she can’t mutilate herself further.

“No,” Naomi argues, shaking her head, and she struggles against him.

“Rookie, breathe,” Ethan commands. He loosens his grip slightly and uses one hand to tilt her chin up so they can look at each other. Her eyes are glassy and unfocused. “Look at me. Keep your eyes on me. Listen to my voice.”

“You’re not in the hospital anymore,” he continues, struggling to keep his voice even and his emotions in check. “You’re with me, you’re in my shower. The toxin is gone, it’s not on your skin, it’s not in your system. You’re clean and you’re safe. I promise you’re safe.”

He repeats the last sentence over and over and over again, until it’s a chant. Eventually Naomi’s body loosens up and she allows him to support some of her body weight. Eventually, they sink to the floor, and Ethan cradles her close to his chest.

Naomi doesn’t know how long they’ve been in this position, but the world is finally coming back into focus. Her senses are her own again, no longer controlled by pervasive memories, and the first thing she smells is Ethan’s cologne, and she feels his fingers tracing nonsensical patterns on her back.

The silence they’ve been plunged back into is deafening, and now she’s faced with the crushing weight of her reality.

“I almost died the other day,” Naomi says, her voice barely above a whisper. It’s a fact she’s always been cognizant of, but even more so now that the adrenaline has worn off. Holy shit, she really could’ve been dead, cold and in a grave right now.

“But you didn’t.”

“Yeah, but...I was so c-close.” Fat tears roll down her cheeks, and she doesn’t have the energy to do anything about them.

“But you didn’t,” Ethan repeats, his voice coming gruffer than usual. He doesn’t want her dwelling.

“But Bobby did. And he leaves behind an entire family that loves him.” She can still see his lifeless body on the cold hospital floor, convulsing and gasping for air. “And Danny did. He was one of my first friends at Edenbrook. He was the only nurse who had my back after Landry spread lies about me. He and Sienna were…” her voice trails off as she’s unable to finish her sentence. “Sienna probably hates me.”

“Trust me, Sienna could never hate you. I’ve never seen a more steadfast and loyal friend.”

Naomi flashes back to all of her not-so-subtle matchmaking attempts to get Sienna and Danny together. After all of Sienna’s troubles with Wayne, she wanted nothing more than her best friend to be happy, and now Naomi has ruined it for her.

Another sob bubbles up in her throat and she can’t push it away. “She doesn’t h-hate me n-now, but wait until the shock wears off and the resentment starts s-setting in. This is all my f-fault.”

“Naomi, this is not your fault,” Ethan argues.

“I should’ve never poached Ed from Mass Kenmore. I s-shouldn’t have gone running guns blazing into his suite. I should’ve called more security other than Bobby to help-p, I should’ve w-waited for y-you. I should’ve called the police. I should’ve have b-been able to talk Travis down.”

Ethan clears his throat before speaking, trying to keep himself in check. If Naomi is going to be okay, he can’t let his own emotions selfishly take over. “Travis had it in his head that Ed needed to pay for what happened to his brother. No one on this earth could have stopped him from doing what he did. It’s not your fault, and you’re no less of a person for not being able to stop a psychopath. No matter how strong and formidable you are, you are just one person, and I am refusing to let you carry the weight of that burden by yourself.”

Of course deep, deep, deep down, the logical part of Naomi’s brain knows it wasn’t directly her fault, but the illogical part still feels incredibly responsible for the events that played out at Edenbrook.

Naomi sniffles, the heat of the shower now gone and a shiver racks her body. Ethan notices it instantly, and in a show of strength, he scoops her out of the shower, carrying her back into his bedroom.

He finds the warmest clothes he can get his hands on, a worn Johns Hopkins sweatshirt and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms that are entirely too big on her. He ushers her into bed, pulling the soft duvet over her.

“You’re not getting in too?” Naomi asks, and Ethan picks up on the slight panic in her voice.

“Yeah, I just need to change out of my clothes, and I’ll be right back.”

She watches as Ethan quickly discards his work clothes and he slides into bed next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. Naomi huddles closer to him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. 

“My hair is going to be a disaster once it dries,” she mumbles against his skin. Her curly hair demands a very strict routine.

“I’ll help you.”

For the first time in the past 72 hours, Naomi manages to laugh. The image of Ethan trying to detangle and properly moisturize her hair is hilarious, and now she has to see it. “I’d like to see you try.”

“I should get back into the kitchen. I know you’re really hungry and dinner isn’t going to cook itself.”

Silently protesting, Naomi’s fingers dig into his arm, willing him to not leave. She doesn’t want to be left alone, especially not for something as trivial as dinner. She pulls away so she can look him in the eyes.“Can we just lay here for a little while longer?”

“I’ll stay here for as long as you want me to.”

“You promise?”

Ethan nods and places a soft kiss on her lips–they’ve made a pact to be as tactile with each other as possible, both in public and in private. After the events of the last few days, what’s the use in hiding how they feel about each other? “I promise.”

[margaretmulgrave]

Tuesday, August 19th, 1800

Mulgrave House

Margaret loved Tuesdays for their lack of fanfare. She could truly do as she pleased with little expectation from anyone.

That particular late morning as she rose and dressed for the rest of the day, hair loose save for a few pins to keep the unruliest curls back. There was no use calling Beth in, the few servants at the apartment in London were still scurrying to get wardrobes and items packaged for return to Blenheim or Nuneham respectively.

She didn’t notice the new stack of correspondence on her vanity that the ladies maid brought in at an earlier hour, the only thing on Margaret’s mind was a nice strong cup of tea. She smiled faintly in a feeling of contentment as she practically glided from her room to the hall, and began to descend the stairs. There was a faint murmur of voices through the closed drawing room doors and Margaret wondered what Aunt Helena was up to.

“…your Grace.”

Margaret halted, taken by surprise in overhearing the formal title. Not directed at her though, muffled back in the drawing-room. Who was calling? Why had no one woken her? She descended the last few steps, turning into Beth as the girl exited the concealed room with an empty tea tray.

Margaret grabbed the sleeve of her dress, pulling her a few feet away, motioning for her to keep quiet and miming the question of just who was being served in the sitting room?

Beth's eyes were wide as she glanced between the lady and the ornate wood door. “The Duke and Duchess of Marlborough, miss. They arrived a few hours ago while you were still sleeping. I went to wake you with the mail but his Grace insisted to let you be.”

Bless Papa. Margaret exhaled, building anxiety already starting to ebb. Her parents had to arrive at some time, of course. It was her father’s way to try and make it a surprise. Her mother saying nothing.

“Thank you, Beth.” Margaret offered, before bracing herself and pulling the sitting-room door open to expose her parents and Aunt Helena perched on adequate seating with freshly served tea and cakes.

“Papa,” Margaret smiled, making a conscious effort not to rush into the room, “It is polite to write you know.”

Maxwell laughed heartily and set his teacup down as he stood from the lounge. “Not surprised to see me then?” He pat his pockets, looking for a cigarette that was no longer there and quickly gave up, waving Margaret forward instead. “Look at you! London has done you well, yes?”

“Eventful.” Margaret answered, “But I am ready to return home.” She stood with her father for another moment before finding space next to Aunt Helena across from the other pair. Margaret began to fill her own cup, “You should have woken me.”

“No, no,” The Duke scoffed, “There is still plenty of time. Everything in order then for the wedding? No last-minute errands to attend to?”

“I’ve…taken care of everything. You will behave won’t you, Papa?”

“What?” He chuckled again, glancing over at his wife with an amused gaze, “Have I lost my temper already.”

Margaret pursed her lips, “You know what I mean. Lord Harcourt is nervous enough.”

“Like I give a damn about Harcourt.”

“Maxwell.” A cool, gentle scold from her mother. Margaret blinked at her, at both of them, really. It was so easy to ignore the fact that they hadn’t all been in the same room together for over a year. That Margaret had missed bits and pieces of them, of home. She had been so angry with them, and the longer she didn’t see them it manifested into a longing and now…nothing.

They hadn’t looked at her in over a year. Letters and directives sufficed to get her to London, and now all was well because she’d completed the Season successfully. They were getting just what they wanted. Margaret swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat with more tea, letting the quietness stretch until it snapped.

“What is this business of you not having a bridesmaid, Margaret?” Amelia’s voice was like ice still, and Margaret could only cling to her teacup for a buffer. “It is very unorthodox. Not to mention all the pressure…surely there is some lady –“

“I have managed quite well.” Margaret interrupted, before adding in a mutter, “Lady Mother, with Aunt Helena’s assistance. There is no lady available or in appropriate condition to attend to me. I had hoped…my cousin –“

Amelia scoffed suddenly, “Frances. That girl. You are too sentimental, Margaret. Given the circumstances, you are better off standing alone. I will assist with any dressing the day of, in that case.”

She was shocked by the offer of involvement, and then upset, looking at Aunt Helena with a deep frown. But the elderly woman shook her head in silent dismissal. Let it go, Meggie. All she could do was turn her gaze back to the dregs of her tea, “Of course, mother.”

“What happened with Miss. Fitzroy?” Her father piped up - roused back into the conversation.

“I told you, Maxwell. I showed you the paper, Saoirse’s letter. That girl…”

Margaret couldn’t help but slump in her seat. Dejected, bothered, upset. This Tuesday was not like the others.

[jawritter]

When The Lights Go Out

Chapter 8

Summary: Life hasn’t been your best friend lately, you lost your job, and are on the verge of losing your apartment. Who knew when you decided to join a Sugar Daddy app that your best friend suggested ina last ditch effort to save your apartment, and not end up on the street, your first and only client would turn your whole world upside down.

Pairing: Mobster!Dean Winchester x Virgin! Reader

Word Count: 2343

Series Warnings: Mob level violence, injured Dean, description of injury, creepy Godfather John Winchester, John is pretty much a douche bag, escort services, virgin reader, lose of virginity and all the insecurities and fun stuff that come with it, age gap (23 year old reader; 40 year old Dean), angst, unrequited/requited love?, language, smut, unprotected smut.

Chapter Warnings: Insecure reader, talk of losing virginity, I’m sure there is some language in there, fluff, I think that’s it. I promise it picks up in the next chapter y’all!

A/N: Beta’d by @deanwanddamons! Thanks so much love!! Please don’t copy my work!! Feedback is golden! Hope you all enjoy this one!! It’s gonna be a little bit of a slow burn y’all, but just hang in there!

(This fic is based on this request: Could you do a Dean x reader where she is 23 and lives alone in her apartment, she gets fired and can loose her house, her friend tells her about a sugar daddy app, she makes a profile and Dean 40, contacts her, she is virgin and don’t offers sex, Dean is billionaire business man and needs a girl for his business parties,the reader is really shy, blushes a lot, they fall in love, he takes her to a trip and makes love to her on a private island, could it be a series?)

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

To say you weren’t a morning person would be the understatement of the year. You hated getting up early, and only did it when you had to. 

Dean, on the other hand, had no problem rolling out of bed, as long as he had a cup of coffee waiting for him. 

So it was no surprise to you that when you rolled over and reached blindly for Dean, and his side of the bed was cold. 

Rolling around until you forced your eyes to open up, you sat on the side of the bed, and rubbed at your face harshly, trying to get your eyes to open, and work properly.

Last night, you and Dean  had spent most of the night locked at the lips, but he never took it any further than that, saying he wanted your first time to be something special, and memorable. 

You were secretly grateful. Losing your virginity had been something you were always nervous about. 

Not that you didn’t want to, that wasn’t it at all, and you trusted Dean enough to know he’d make it as painless, and less traumatizing as possible. 

Still you had heard all the stories. Stories about pain, blood, crying, and the uncaring assholes who just wanted to get themselves off. Needless to say, it was enough to make your anxiety hit an all time high. 

All that you could overcome, that wasn’t the problem, the problem was your own insecurities. The fact that your body wasn’t what you wanted it to be exactly. The fact that your thighs were bigger than you wanted them to be, your stomach not as flat as you wanted it to be.Your breasts still held the scars from stretch marks from when you were a teenager, and hit puberty suddenly, coupled with the fact that they weren’t as big as you’d like them to be. 

You were never  popular, or the “it girl” in school, and adulthood had proven to be much the same for you. 

In fact, Dean was the first guy you had ever seen naked in person, and that was when he was injured, so you weren’t exactly focused on what he was packing, and you were more concerned with making sure you successfully got done with whatever it was you were trying to help him do without hurting him further. 

You weren’t blind though, and you did notice enough to know that the man was well endowed, and had the body of a Greek God to boot. Needless to say, you felt like he was WAY out of your league. 

Which only heightened your own insecurities more. 

You knew Dean wasn’t shallow. Hell, if he was he would have never asked you to be his girl. Still that insecurity that you had carried with you since middle school rang louder than reason, and you nervously dreaded whatever it was Dean had in mind.

You had just dressed from your morning shower when the bedroom door opened, pulling you from you worrying.

“There you are! I was just about to come and wake you up,” he said, flopping down on the bed, already dressed, showered, and ready for the day. You did notice that the dark skinny jeans that hugged his bowed legs perfectly, coupled with the red and black flannel and black fitted undershirt did things to you that you never expected. 

His piercing green eyes missed nothing. Strutting up to you when he noticed you staring at him, he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in close, kissing you deeply before letting you go, a smirk set deep in his Godlike features at the dazed look on your face when he pulled away. 

He knew what the hell he did to you, and he was thoroughly enjoying himself. 

“You’re up and dressed early this morning. What’s on the agenda today Mr. Winchester?” you asked him, letting his hands fall a little lower on your waist as he swayed the two of you back and forth slowly in the middle of your bedroom to whatever rhythm he was hearing in his head. 

“Well, I had them gas up my Dad’s jet, we’re gonna take a little vacation. I need to get away for a little while. From this damn house, and all the bullshit that comes with it.” 

Your eyes widened.You didn’t have any clothes to take on Vacation.. Since you had been here, you had barely even got out of the house. 

“Dean..I don’t have anything….” 

Putting his lips to yours  in a chaste kiss to stop your worrying, Dean chucked against you. 

“Pretty girl, stop! Everything has been taken care of. Clothes, food, everything is already there waiting for us. Remember baby, I’m a Winchester. Now, get yourself ready, we fly out as soon as you get done. I’m ready to get there.” Dean said, giving you another swift kiss before he grabbed an overnight bag, and started to pack it when essentials like phone chargers, and your laptop, mumbling something about updating that when he got home. 

“Dean, where exactly are we going?” 

“Mary’s Island.” 

Confusion pressed deep into your features, and Dean chuckled as he threw his bag over his broad shoulder, waiting patiently for you to get your shoes on.

“It’s an island my dad bought for my mom when they got married.Since she passed, no one has really gone to it, but I called the caretakers, and they have everything ready for us, so you and I are going to go spend some time there for a while.” Dean said, lacing his fingers with yours as you made your way through the oddly quiet house. 

“It’s warm there, so we will be able to enjoy ourselves. It’s only a short boat ride away from the mainland as it’s  just off the coast of Hawaii, so there are a variety of restaurants and things that we can go to as well. Plenty to do to keep us busy.” 

Opening the door to the house, you look back at Dean’s car that was safely parked in the garage, and loaded yourself into the black SUV that had Garth, the driver, behind the wheel and waiting. 

“Dean, where is everyone this morning.” you asked, and Dean stiffened a little next to you as he climbed into his side of the SUV.

“Work. Life’s pretty much going back to normal, now that Samual is taken care of, and the Campbells are no longer a threat. The high table is content that you and I are together, and right now everything is going along as it should.”

Dean laced his fingers with yours as the car circled around the airport, entering the back gate, completely surpassing all the airport security, and details that normally came with flying. You vaguely wondered if this is what it felt like to fly when you were famous. 

The plan was less impressive than you had dreamed up in your head all morning. The Winchesters tended to do everything extravagantly, and you thought that their private jet would be no different, but you were actually a little relieved that it wasn’t some huge private liner. You still weren’t quite used to living the extravagant lifestyle that the Winchesters seemed accustomed to. 

Once you were boarded onto the plane, Dean grabbed one of the blankets that were stowed in the overhead compartment, and settled you both down in the seats as best as you could,wrapping his arm around you as the plan started to take off. 

It was going to be around a ten hour flight to Hawaii from New York, so you had plenty of time to nap if you wanted to. The only problem was, you were way too nervous to sleep. Your mind was turning on the upcoming events that were sure to take place once you got to the Island. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, sweetheart? I can practically hear the gears turning..” Dean said, giving you a quick peck on the forehead. He’d already learned about you so quickly. It was getting harder and harder to hide things from him. 

“Nothing, just my usual worrying.” you tell him in an attempt to brush him off, but he was having none of it.

“I lie for a living Princess, you're gonna have to do a lot better than that.” Dean said, an amused smirk plastered across his perfect lips. 

Giving him a side eye, you take a deep breath to steady yourself. Trying to work it out in your mind how to tell him all of the little qualms you were worrying about. 

“You know, nothing at all has to happen this weekend. We can just be here and enjoy being together. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you to sleep with me or something, I’ll wait as long as you need me to. I’m in my forties sweetheart, I’m not some little teenage boy who can’t control himself.”

Clamping your jaw shut you wonder briefly if he was secretly some sort of mind reader. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to Dean, I do, I’m just nervous, and when I say that out loud I feel stupid, because I’m twentythree fucking years old, and I’m still a virigin, and terrified of something most people do in their teens!” you tell aspirated, hiding your face in the blanket. 

Dean pulled the blanket down where he could see your face, shifting a little closer to you in his seat now that the plane was leveled out, and well en route to your destination. 

“Baby girl, look at me. Age has nothing to do with being afraid of or nervous about something. Just cause you didn’t jump in bed with the first jackass with a dick when you were teenager, does make you weak or wimpy, and I definitely don’t think any less of you. Besides, I kinda like the idea that you're going to be only mine.” 

He brushes his lips over yours before you settle into his shoulder and blush at the possessiveness that he shows. You had never seen this side of Dean before, and you couldn’t deny the way it made your heart flutter in your chest. 

There was still so much that you were going to worry yourself over until it was over, and you knew that. There was only one cure for this, and that was to do it, and you did want this with him. You wanted to be only his, you wanted that connection with someone. Wanted to feel him in a way that only could happen between the two of you. To know him, on a deeper level than you had ever known anyone before. 

The combination of Dean playing with your hair, the hum of the plane, and the warmth that came radiating off of his body constantly had miraculously lulled you to sleep, and you didn’t even know it until Dean was shaking you awake gently after you had already landed. 

Stretching your stiff muscles as you stand up and deboard the plane, you follow along behind Dean into the blinding light, and warm temperatures that were so contradictory to the weather of New York City that you had left behind. 

Looking up at the clock on the dash of the car you got into just outside the tarmac, you notice that it’s only noon. Seeing as you left New York at eight in the morning, it took you a while to understand what had happened. You had never experienced a time jump like that from traveling before, and New York was six hours ahead of Hawaii. So even though you had a full day of travel, it was only noon here. You finally think you understood the meaning of jet lag. 

“Hungry baby girl? I figured we could grab a bite to eat while we’re on the mainland. That way we can just have a lazy day when we get to the house.”

You hadn’t realized you were hungry until he mentioned it. Your stomach growled, and Dean threw his head back and laughed at your face of discontent at the hand of your stomach’s betrayal. 

“I guess sleeping for almost a solid six hours straight works up quite the appetite doesn’t it?” Dean teased you.

“Six hours?” you questioned. You had no idea you had slept that long. “Why do I feel so sluggish then?” 

“It’s a drastic time change, once you get some food in you it will help with the jet lag.” Dean said, pulling onto the main road like he knew just where he was going. You didn’t question him at all. Just enjoyed the view of him relaxing into the seat of the car as he drove down the road like he’d done it a million times in his life. 

You couldn’t contain the smile spreading over your face at the beautiful view, one of which included Dean. His fingers dancing along the steering wheel, humming along with a classic rock tune that played softly through the speakers. His freckles almost shine out on his skin in the bright sunlight filtering through the car window. 

For just a moment you forgot about all your worrying, and just enjoyed the moment. That’s something you decided you would start doing more often. Your whole life you had been nothing but stress and worrying in some form or another. Whether it was worrying over school, your job, losing your job, then all this that happened with Dean, your life turning upside down, then almost losing Dean. 

That probably taught you the most important lesson of all. 

Life is short, and can be taken away from you in a moment, especially in the life that Dean lived. So right now you weren’t going to worry about having sex with him, or your new life you were determined to adjust to. It was just the two of you, and you were going to make the most of this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[bestintheparsec]

The Same Coin - Part 4

Masterlist

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader

A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to get this chapter out! I split one of the chapters into two (so this series will now have 8 chapters instead of 7), which is why this chapter is a bit shorter—the next one should be out soon after I post this one! I hope you like this one (things are coming soon😏), and as always I appreciate any feedback! Thank you for reading! 

Words: 2.6k

Warnings: angst, slow roast burn continues

Javier pushes the thin blanket off of himself, leaning over to light a cigarette. He shuts his eyes, taking a long drag before exhaling. He wants to forget a lot of things, but for the past two days it’s seemed like no amount of alcohol could drown out the thoughts of you. 

It shouldn't be like this. He shakes his head and rubs his face. You shouldn’t be there, taking up residence in his mind; the same way you shouldn’t have been in his room, so close to him that night. But there’s a thought that lingers in the crevices of his mind, whether or not he’s willing to admit it out loud. Maybe he had wanted you to stay that night. Asking you to do so would’ve pushed you both past an invisible line, one he doesn’t want you to cross—certainly not for him. He’s made his fair share of bad decisions that have gotten people hurt, and asking you to stay would’ve been another. Whatever it was that overcame him, it can’t and won’t happen again. The man you held that night isn’t someone who deserves to be comforted. He brushes off the nagging emotion—the one that’s wrapped him up and filled him with warmth for the entirety of the last forty-eight hours. He doesn’t deserve to be that man, the one who finds refuge in another. He tries to go back to a state of numbness, where he belongs.

The gentle hand that touches his shoulder almost makes him jump. “You’re thinking very loudly,” she muses. 

He turns to the woman. Her hair is messy, the long waves falling softly over her bare shoulders. She meets his eyes, smiling at him before sitting up and placing her other hand on his shoulder and massaging it. 

He wants this to be enough—the sensation of her warm skin on his, the feeling of release. He's not sure if it was ever enough. But when he loses himself in her arms, he doesn’t feel as safe as he did in yours that night. What the fuck has gotten into me? 

He doesn’t answer, instead pouring himself another glass of whiskey and sighing when the bottle runs empty. 

“It’s work, isn’t it?” she asks, curiously. 

“No,” he replies simply, turning away. I can’t even escape there. 

She smiles softly again, lightly caressing his face before getting out of bed to put her clothes back on.

He doesn’t meet her eyes but knows she’s watching him. “Is there anything I can do?” she asks, her tone teasing.

He puts the cigarette back to his lips, shaking his head. She slips her shoes on, taking her purse before leaving when he calls to her.

“Lina,” he murmurs. She turns to him.

Despite himself, his mind plays with the idea of being with someone for longer than just a night or two. He holds her gaze for a few moments, then looks away. “Nothing,” he finally whispers.

~

You’re sitting at your desk with your chin resting on your knuckle. It’s early so no one else is here yet, leaving you alone with your relentless thoughts. There’s plenty to do, but too many things have been keeping you up so you’re even more exhausted than usual. So much so that you don’t realize you’re dozing off until Steve sets his things down on his desk loudly, startling you.

He looks you in the eyes, giving you a tiny smirk. “Long weekend?” he asks, and you reply with only a groan, pinching the bridge of your nose.

He grins. “Maybe we can all get drinks later or—” he starts, but stops when you suddenly drop your head and turn your attention back to the files in front of you.

He’s about to ask what the problem is when Javier comes up from behind him, setting his cup of coffee down. Javier acknowledges him with a nod but says nothing to you, pulling out his chair and sitting down, refusing to look at you. Steve watches the two of you, confused by the awkward silence. He raises his brows and shrugs, because what's new? He lets out a huff of air, slumping down in his own chair and getting to work.

You try to quell the unwelcome flushing of warmth in your face as you think back to that night. It took you most of the weekend to admit to yourself that you just might have felt something shift in yourself after those events. As much as it frustrates you, you can't get the image of Peña—his warm skin against yours, the static of his fingers brushing against your cheek—out of your head. You've tried to convince yourself it was just pity that took you in there, but it might be more than that—and that scares you. Whatever you’re feeling right now, it needs to stop. This isn’t what you’re here for, and there are a multitude of other things to worry about—things that don’t involve other DEA agents and your feelings for them. About them, not for them, you remind yourself. So why can’t you even look him in the eyes?

It was your decision to go into his room that night. It was a conscious choice, and you don’t regret it. You know how the long nights can wreak havoc on a person’s mind when they’ve seen the same things you have—if you’re able to support someone through it, you’ll do it every time. But that’s all this is, and it’s all it can be—he’s your partner, just like Steve is. You refuse to get attached, not when you live a life surrounded by danger; and especially not when Peña seems to throw himself in that path more often than everyone else. There’s already enough rules being broken around here, you may as well try to follow your own. 

You cast a sideways glance at him. He’s absent-mindedly working on the files at hand, resting his fingers against his temple and seemingly unaffected by your presence. You shouldn’t care, but you still wonder if it’s just you overanalyzing again—the thought that he’s unfazed bothers you, for a reason you can’t comprehend. Forcing yourself to look away, you decide that if Peña doesn’t care, then you don’t have to either.

~

Javier taps his fingers impatiently on the desk, waiting for an excuse to dip out—to anywhere. He gets the feeling you would love to do the same, although you’re usually better at staying composed than he is. But he watches your fingers play with the same loose button on your cardigan, and he almost wishes he had an excuse to offer you for that night. What is there to even say?

His attention is pried away from you when Trujillo marches over, whispering something about a phone call for him. Javier feels your concerned eyes on him as he walks away from his desk, and he feels even more guilty for not saying a word to you all day. You don't deserve to be ignored like this. But surely the silence is better than all the bickering that constantly made his blood pressure rise. He’s hardly paying attention to whatever Trujillo’s telling him now, shaking his head before picking up the phone.

~

Javier slings his leather jacket over his shoulder, walking towards his Jeep. He doesn’t ever tell himself he’s a good man—nor has he claimed to be one. Sometimes you have to do bad things to catch bad people. This thought repeats itself in his head as he starts the car, preparing to drive to meet this informant. Heat waves radiate off the concrete roads as he drives towards his destination. He’s worked with the man before, but only on more...official arrangements. Whatever he has to offer this time, there’s no doubt it’s going to be under-the-table, since it was made explicitly clear that Javier should come alone and with discretion. 

Everything he's done has been done with a single goal in mind—get Escobar. Time and time again, one wrong decision ends up with people being dead, or damaged beyond repair. The lines under his eyes and the heaviness that permanently lives in his chest are further proof that he needs to leave other people out of his decisions, if at all possible. He learned a long time ago that once you get into bed with monsters, you’re forced to live with them alone.

Somehow, this drags his thoughts back over to you. He could've stopped you from coming in that night—should've shut the damn door. It would’ve been easy—a simple “just go” and you wouldn’t have hesitated to leave. Javier swallows thickly when he realizes that maybe he left it open for a reason. He remembers his conversation with you on the bench, the day of the explosion. “It’s best not to be attached to anything, or anyone,” you’d said. He’d pretended not to notice when you let that slip, but if anything, it’s the one thing you both have in common. He knows better than to let himself get too close to anyone. But his mind keeps taking him back to the gentle look in your eyes before you wrapped your arms around him. To how, for once, he felt like he was being enveloped in something other than darkness. To the way he felt his fears and anxieties from that nightmare flee his body, if only for a short while. Because of you. Fuck. He hasn't known peace, not in a long time. He doesn't want to find it in another person. 

He grips the steering wheel a little tighter, turning his focus back onto the road. Familiar buildings pass by as he makes his way to the same convenient spot in a quieter part of town, a place he knows well. He can almost hear the comments you and Steve would have if you knew about this. But someone has to do what no one else will.

He sighs loudly. Javier knows he doesn't deserve to feel the sense of comfort that he did in your arms, but maybe...he wants to.

~

Upon Steve’s insistence, you all end up at a local bar after work, along with Connie. After a couple of rounds, Steve takes Connie’s hand and leads her to the center of the floor for a half-drunken slow dance, leaving you alone with Peña. It’s been another long day, and with neither of you having much to say, you stay quietly seated at the bar next to each other. Some upbeat music blares in the background, but it’s not loud enough to drown out your thoughts. Peña doesn’t seem to mind the ambiance, though. His posture’s relaxed as he watches Steve and Connie haphazardly holding onto each other on the other side of the bar. They laugh a lot, and you’re happy that Steve’s able to enjoy a moment of peace.

You’re not drunk yourself, but the alcohol makes you brave. Things will never go back to normal at work if you don’t address the elephant in the room, and you can’t take the silence anymore—not here, or at work. There’s been enough tension with the bosses lately, and that alone is enough to exhaust you.

You don’t really know how to bring up that night. “Peña, I’m—” you mumble. You start to busy yourself by playing with the strap on your purse.

“Look, we don’t have to do this,” he quickly interrupts with a wave of his hand, but his tone is gentle. You wrinkle your brows, peering at him and biting your lip. He’s still holding his glass, taking a drag on his cigarette before meeting your eyes, as if he’s contemplating what to say himself.

“I’m...sorry. For the other night,” he says quietly. “It won’t happen again. We don’t have to talk about it.” 

Whatever you were expecting, it wasn’t this. You blink a few times and purse your lips, unsure of how to respond. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I...get them, too. The bad dreams...” you start to ramble, massaging your fingers.

“That’s not what—” he stops and sighs. “I had too much to drink,” he mutters. 

Is he serious? You scoff with disbelief, meeting his eyes as you take a sip of your drink. “Too much to drink? Peña, you drink like it’s your job, those few glasses you had were hardly anything.” 

“I said we don’t need to talk about it,” he insists. He turns away and gestures for the bartender, asking for another glass. Why is he being like this? For fuck’s sake, you don’t expect him to pour his feelings out, but his stubbornness makes you want to scream sometimes.

“I just wanted to help,” you say, raising a hand in resignation. “I know I shouldn’t have...but you don't have to be alone,” you add quietly.

I don’t need any help with being alone. “I’m telling you it was nothing,” he reiterates, but his tone betrays his unease. He looks at you again and his eyes are almost pleading. “Please,” he whispers. 

You want to believe him, believe that it means nothing so you can stop thinking about it—if this is what he wants, you’ll oblige. But it hurts a little all the same. You had thought he would be more open about what happened, because things definitely feel different now and you haven't the slightest clue what you're supposed to do about it—or if you should do anything at all, especially considering you'd only recently become more civil with each other. You exhale quietly and drop the subject. The loud bar music is the only thing saving you from a biting silence as you both down your drinks. 

Javier slips off the bar stool when his phone starts to buzz. He could use the break right now, so he gladly takes the call, moving over to an empty corner of the bar to answer it.

“I’m glad you decided to answer,” the deep voice bellows.

“I told you not to call after hours,” Javier states firmly. “If we do this, we do it my way. You play by my rules, and that's one of them.”

“And I told you we have a common goal,” the man says. Javier stuffs his hand in his pocket, casually checking around him to make sure no one’s watching.

“Then why the hell are you calling me now?” He rubs his jaw with annoyance. “I thought the plan was settled.” 

“There’s been a slight change of plans. We need another person—one to infiltrate the party. Someone those bastards won’t be suspicious of.” With the phone to his ear, Javier watches Steve and Connie from across the room. His eyes soften just a little when Steve whispers something into her ear, making her smile. It passes quickly when he turns his attention back to the call.

Javier runs a hand through his hair, clenching his jaw. “Too bad. You’ve got me.”

“No, Agent Peña. If we don’t get someone off-the-radar in there, this won’t work.”

He glances over at you, sitting on the bar stool. You’re slouched over, nursing your drink and shaking your head when the bartender asks if you want another. He bites his lower lip. “Yeah, well, you’re not getting my other partner in on this,” Javier contends. 

“Come on, Peña. You know plenty of people—I’m sure you can find one who’s willing to help, for the right price.”

Javier frowns, momentarily reconsidering his decision to work with this asshole. He looks at you again, and then Steve, then to his shoes on the grimy tile floor.

“Yeah. I know someone,” he mutters, ending the call with a click.

~

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[jenonctcity]

Running From The Dark

Charia Kingdom – Renjun

Smut, Fluff, Angst.

Fantasy!Au, Supernatural!Au

Warnings: Mentions of blood/injury, minor character death, explicit sex, mention of abuse.

Word Count: 12.8k

 (All of this series links up. The timeline of the story runs in the order of the master list from top to bottom, Mark - Jisung. Each members part can be read as a stand-alone, but I would recommended reading all the parts in order so the story adds up.)

Charia Kingdom - A place that has equal amounts of sunshine and rain, hot and cold, rich and poor, and, humans and creatures that couldn’t be identified as that of human status. Ruled by the Lee family with a king whose cutthroat and unforgiving nature is feared by many. The poor not cared for by people who have everything, where disease takes the lives of those unfortunate enough to not have the funds to purchase medicine. A place where humans live among  creatures many would find terrifying. It’s no secret that Vampires, Werewolves, Wizards, etc live amongst them like normal people. Unless you murder someone, you’re considered normal. Everyone lives their own lives, whether it be a happy life, or a sorrowful life…

Being chased from the royal family’s castle at the age of 16 was never something Renjun hoped for when he was growing up. Having lived in the castle since his birth, his mother, the castles witch, raised him alone. After finding out a huge secret and confronting the king, the king has Renjun’s mother killed, leading Renjun to use the dark powers he never knew he had to curse the Prince of the kingdom. After a bounty is put on his head for his crimes, he lives his life on the run, burrowing away in a cabin far out in the depths of the dangerous forest. A place where many lethal creatures live. Now 19, Renjun has lived in solitude for 3 years, and never expected a girl to break into his home in the dead of night. The girl he encounters is on the run herself, but refuses to tell him why. The stubborn, mentally strong, and brave girl persuades him to let her stay with him. Can he live alongside another being when he’s still got dark magic flowing through his veins and a huge secret heavy in his heart?

The strong wind whipped against your face, alongside stray branches and leaves from trees you didn’t notice in your haste. The shadows from the trees created a darkness in the forest that made it hard to navigate your way through, despite the bright moonlight peering through gaps in the trees; you could hardly see. Your hearing was perfect though, and the demanding shouts of men’s voices was what kept you running even though the dangers you faced the deeper you got into the forest. Your lungs burned from the stress you put them through, running nonstop for an hour was no joke and you felt the ache in your legs. But you had no choice, you couldn’t be caught by the men trailing you or you’d be forced into a life you did not wish to pursue. A bead of sweat cascaded down the side of your cheek, falling from your jaw as you dodged a large branch that was at head height, you ducked underneath it, but immediately stumbled from a dip in the ground. You gasped in surprise, one of your knees coming in contact with the ground before you caught yourself. You winced at the loudness of your gasp, hoping the men not far behind you hadn’t heard you. You couldn’t run any longer, the pain becoming too much, but you refused to give up. You hid behind the largest tree you could find, holding your breath despite the urgency of your lungs screaming about how they needed oxygen. The voices got closer, your stomach twisting in anxiety at them finding you.

“(Y/N)! Come out come out wherever you are.” A deep voice sang with a sickly-sweet laugh following it. The light of a lit torch casting more shadows to fall from the trees as they neared you. “Mr Kim will be a very, very disappointed man if he doesn’t get to have his little bitch.” The voice continued to taunt you, your eyes filling with tears, all hope of freedom rinsing out of your body. “He’s not very forgiving you know…He’s going to do very bad thi-”

The echo of a high-pitched howl cut the man off. His voice halting to a stop the second he heard the threatening signal of a nearby creature. Hushed voices talked amongst themselves before the rustling of leaves told you the men had given up before you, retreating from the forest to escape the beast of the night. You heard more rustling, your heart pounding in your chest and your hands getting clammy, a fright you’d never felt before sending freezing chills down your spine despite the heat of the night. The sound got closer, but you had a feeling it wasn’t the men coming back. You looked to your left, being as quiet as you could as you peered around, hoping to look for a gap in the trees so you had an easy exit if you needed one. You couldn’t see anything under the guise of darkness, so you swung your head to the right. Bright green eyes beside your face had your heart almost stopping, your breath getting caught in your lungs as you stood shell shocked. The snow-white fur of the lean wolf almost glowed under the moonlight, it looking soft to the touch. The wolf stared at you, its head flicking up slightly as it sniffed at you. It took a step closer, its face getting closer to yours. You wanted to beg it not to kill you, but you knew nothing about werewolves. Could it understand your language? Did it have a human form? You had no idea. The wolf rubbed its face against yours the same way you saw a cat once rub its face against its owners’ leg. You took in a sharp breath, confused by the wolfs actions, as it turned away and ran into the dark of the night. Letting out the breath you were holding, you couldn’t help but think the wolf had purposely sought you out to help you.

“Thank you!” You whispered shouted into the darkness, hearing a bark respond in the distance. You took off running again, not knowing what you were looking for and heading towards. You slowed to a walk after half an hour, not even knowing if you were walking in circles as you passed a large boulder that looked strangely familiar. Or maybe you were just going insane, maybe you imagined the wolf and in actuality you were stuck in the prison you once called home. You tripped over a tree root, your body slamming into the leaf covered floor being enough to tell you this was reality, and you actually were experiencing one of the most frightening events of your life. You stood up with a groan, your knees and palms stinging from your fall and your throat feeling so dry it hurt to make any noise. You brushed yourself off, lifting your head to look in front of you as you saw a glimmer of hope. A small cabin in a barely-there clearance sat like a dream. It looked like it was as worn out as you felt. The brick being a dull colour from what you could see underneath the moonlight. Stray vines and ivy grew up the walls, leading you to believe the cabin had been there for quite some time. Looking at the chimney you noticed a lack of smoke, hoping that it was an unoccupied lot so that you had somewhere to spend the night.

You weighed up your options. On one hand, you could spend the night in a cabin, sure there was a risk that it actually had someone living in it, but you could just leave if it did. On the other hand, you could spend the night in a dark, dangerous forest, where all sorts of unknown creatures could be lurking behind trees, ready to cook you in a stew at any moment. Your legs were carrying you to the cabin before your brain had even thought to pick one of the options you’d so carefully thought about. You dodged all the brambles and tree roots, determined not to fall over now that you could actually see the floor from where the moonlight was boring down between the trees. You found the front door, the blue paint peeling from the wood from wear and tear. Taking a deep breath, you tried the doorknob, groaning when it wouldn’t turn.

“Damn.” You grumbled, trying to think of a plan b. You walked around the property, seeing a dusty window around the back. You wiped your hand over the dust, smearing it but successfully making it easier to see through. You peeked through the window, not noticing anything out of the ordinary from what you could see of the kitchen. You also noticed no food on any of the surfaces. The kitchen counter and the table void of anything other than pots and a large book. You hoped the place had been abandoned and they’d just left bits and pieces around the cabin. You found a back door that held no paint on it, just a simple wooden door, smirking to yourself when you easily opened it. Whoever was last here had obviously failed to lock the back door, which you were very thankful for. You shut the door behind you quietly, flicking the lock on the door so no one could follow you inside. You looked around, being able to see almost the whole first floor of the cabin from where you stood, it being an open layer set up. There was the kitchen that you’d seen through the window, beside that there was a fireplace with an uncomfortable looking sofa sat in front of it, the material made out of patchwork pieces. You noticed in the fireplace a large cauldron, and next to that, a very large cabinet with plenty of labelled bottles on the shelves. This must have belonged to a witch at some point. You hoped she wasn’t coming back anytime soon, knowing they can be very hostile when they want to be, and the last thing you needed was to be cursed to cough up frogs or something. You saw a set of wooden steps leading up to the next floor, but you were more curious about the glistening bright blue liquid you could see in one of the bottles on the shelf. Your curiosity got the better of you, and you walked past the stairs to take a closer look at the bottle.

“Unicorn blood…” You read the label out loud and grimaced, not knowing that unicorns had luminous blue blood. A creak sounded from behind you, causing you to gasp and turn around quickly. You widened your eyes when you saw a young man holding a wand threateningly at you. He stood on the stairs, wearing what you assumed what his night clothes that consisted of navy pants and nothing else. His torso was bare, and you gulped, feeling like you’d not only intruded on his home, but on his privacy. His dark brown hair was almost shoulder length, it looking shaggy from where he had been asleep when you’d barged into his home. You were slightly glad it was a wizard and not a witch, hoping he would be kinder to you than a woman would be.

“Who are you?” His voice was mellow despite his demanding tone, and it felt like soft silk against your ears.

“No one.” You frowned, not really knowing where you got this sudden bout of courage to be defensive from. His frown hardened and he flicked his wand, sparks shooting out from it and making an empty bottle on the counter beside you explode. You jumped in surprise, taking a step away from the broken glass on the floor next to you.

“Tell me.” He growled, his voice no longer sounding as lovely as it first had.

“My name is (Y/N).” You watched him wit nervous eyes, his own dark orbs not once leaving your figure.

“Who sent you?” He took another step down the staircase, the wood creaking underneath his weight, now only one more step away from being on the ground. You furrowed your eyebrows at his words, curious as to what he meant by that.

“No one sent me, I was-” You cut yourself off, not wanting to tell him what you were running from in case he decided to use it against you. “I needed shelter, there was a wolf out there.” You glanced around the cabin looking for possible exits in a hurry, even though you’d only seen the two doors which were now both locked, meaning a fast exit was out of the question. You neglected to tell him that the wolf had plenty of opportunities to harm you, but didn’t, it seemingly having helped you in comparison. He didn’t say anything for a minute, thoughts swirling around his head at what he should do with you. He’d never had anyone find him in his whole three years of living out in the forest, so he had no idea what to do.

“Get out.” He narrowed his eyes at you, taking another step down the stairs. You shook your head.

“No. I can’t go back out there! Something will kill me.” Your eyebrows knitted together, and purposely put a scared look on your face, hoping he would have mercy on you. He took another step, so he was finally on the ground, an evil smirk gracing his face.

“Maybe something will kill you in here.” His face fell back to a hard scowl. His eyes still hadn’t looked anywhere but at you, and you started to feel nervous under his stare.

“I don’t think so.” You folded your arms over your chest, trying to act as brave as you usually were now that he clearly didn’t care if you were scared or not.

“You think you’re brave, but I can see right through you. You’re just a scared little girl…I wonder what you were running from.” His voice held a taunting tone and his smirk grew as he slowly started to approach you. You tried to take a step back but were restricted by the cabinet behind you. You gulped, watching him with worried eyes.

“I told you, I was running from a wolf.” You could feel your palms start to sweat and you were regretting your decision to hide in the cabin. He lowered his wand, letting out a sigh and letting his smirk drop.

“You can take the couch. But you leave tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Sir.” You bowed to him, shuffling over to the couch and slowly lowering yourself onto it.

“If you try anything, I will personally find that wolf and feed you to it myself. Understood?”

“Understood.” You turned you head to him as he ascended up the stairs once more. You let out a sigh, thanking the gods it was a warm night out, so you weren’t going to freeze to death without any blankets. Not wanting to push your luck with the wizard whose name you didn’t even know, you laid down on the couch, having to tuck your legs up to fit properly. It was surprisingly more comfortable than you thought if would be, so you found it easy to drift off to sleep.

---

It was the uncomfortable ache in your neck that woke you up. You groaned as you stretched out on the cramped sofa, the relief you felt in your muscles causing you to moan out loud. You let out a sigh, rubbing your eyes before finally opening them. You jumped in surprise when you saw the homeowner stood over you, staring down at you. He jumped when he saw your eyes open, his face starting to glow a bright red as you stared up at him.

“Pervert.” You mumbled loud enough for him to hear, sitting up and letting out a yawn.

“I’m not a pervert, I just saw you moving and wondered if you wanted some breakfast. But you were still asleep, and I was trying to figure out how to wake you up.” He frowned, crossing his arms over his still shirtless torso. “You’re a very restless sleeper.” He mumbled before walking away from you, heading towards the kitchen which was only about five steps away. You hummed in acknowledgment and stood up, following him to the kitchen.

“What’s for breakfast?” You asked, your eyes trained on his back as he pulled out some bowls from a cupboard.

“Porridge.” He grunted, getting to work on making the food. You watched over his shoulder, grimacing in disgust at the sight of the sloppy porridge.

“I’ve never had porridge before…” He let out a sigh, turning to face you with a face of no emotion.

“That’s because its poor people food, and you clearly come from money.” He looked you up and down, raising an eyebrow at your high-class dress that was torn slightly from your trip through the forest. It was a deep emerald green, made from the finest of materials and tailored to fit you perfectly. “Are you the daughter of a lord or something?” He didn’t look at you as he questioned you, spooning the sloppy food into a bowl and passing it to you with a spoon. You grimaced, hesitantly taking a mouthful and swallowing it fast, too bothered by the pain in your stomach from hunger to care about the taste.

“I am.” You kept your eyes on him as he sat down at his tiny table and chairs, putting his bowl on the table. He also kept his eyes trained on you, not fully trusting of you.

“So why are you in my home and not in your lavish house being waited on hand and foot by your servants?” Your silence had him raising an eyebrow. You awkwardly looked around the room, letting out a long sigh as you debated whether to tell him or not.

“You don’t need to know.”

“You’re in my home. You tell me or you leave.” You looked at him with sorrow in your eyes. He wasn’t expecting to see such an emotion laying behind your eyes, his heart dropping a little at how sad you suddenly looked. He let out a sigh and shrugged. “Whatever, doesn’t matter.” He stood up and turned his back to you as he placed his bowl into a large metal tub used for washing. He winced at how soft he was being with you and he couldn’t help but mentally question himself for how he was acting with you. You finished eating and followed suit, stood beside him with your eyes locked on his body.

“What’s your name?” You asked out of the blue, ultimately disrupting the silence that had settled between you both.

“Renjun.” You furrowed your eyebrows at his name and scrunched your face up in thought.

“That name sounds familiar to me…” You didn’t notice how his fists clenched up at your words, his body becoming stiff as he waited for you to continue. “Maybe I know someone else with that name.” You shrugged it off and let out a soft laugh. “So…can I stay with you?” You smiled widely at him in hopes a smile would persuade him to let you reside with him for the foreseeable future.

“Sure.” He turned to you and plastered on a big smile to mirror your own.

“Really?” You gasped in surprise and perked up slightly.

“No.” His expression fell completely apart from the small smirk on his lips. Your face fell to a pout forming on your lips.

“Please! I can help you out with…whatever it is you do here, and I won’t be a nuisance I swear. I can clean up and er…I don’t know really…please!” When you saw that he wasn’t going to cave in so easily, you let out a sigh and whined. “I’ll do anything, just don’t send me back out there alone!” His smirk rose and he started to approach you, taking slow steps until he had you backed up against his table.

“Anything?” He looked you up and down, not missing the look of fear that flashed on your face as the intimidating stranger had your closed in. He backed off without a second thought, not sure where his compassion for you was blossoming from but he could see you were frightened at the thought of him touching you in an inappropriate way. It then struck him it was probably a man you were running from. “You can stay.” He mumbled.

---

You’d been staying with Renjun for just over a week.  You noticed he didn’t talk much, but you didn’t care, you happily chatted to him even when all you got back was a grunt in reply. He also had a knack for making you jump when you least expected it. He didn’t go out of his way to give you a fright, but the spells and potions he made would often go bang and leave you wondering if he was even good at what he did. You still had no answers as to why he was living on his own so deep in the forest, but you didn’t want to pry, he could kick you out at any moment and then you’d be stranded once more. To say you were struggling with adjusting to life outside of your home was an understatement. You were used to living in a lavish mansion with maids and servants waiting on you hand and foot. So, to live in a cramped cabin and sleep on a tiny sofa every night made you want to ball your eyes out and throw a tantrum. But you held it in. The worst part was…well the toilet, which wasn’t even a proper toilet, but in fact, an outhouse. But you didn’t want to even think about that. The next worst part was bathing. When Renjun had led you on a ten-minute walk to a small lake, you had genuinely thought he was having a joke with you. But his dead serious face told you otherwise. He had told you to bathe in the water and had given you a bar of soap. You timidly poked you toe into the water and the cold temperature had made you gasp so loud you gave him a mini heart attack.

“No. I can’t get in there.” You turned to see Renjun already in his underwear, gasping again and turning around quickly.

“Well then you’ll just have to stink won’t you.” He sounded like he didn’t care, wading into the lake and dunking his head underneath before coming up again. “It’s not that bad.” His words had you frowning. You were used to heated baths in a large silver tub, with the best smelling oils and flowers petals used. So this was a nightmare to you. When you saw Renjun wasn’t looking, you stripped down to your underwear, which were actually Renjun’s underwear as you only had the pair you were wearing when you’d ran into the forest and they were currently soaked in a tub with the rest of your laundry.

“Aren’t there fish and stuff in there?” You raised an eyebrow, slowly taking a step into the water. A shiver ran up your spine and you groaned, taking another step until both of your feet were imbedded in the floor of the lake, the mud making you cringe at the horrid feeling. You took a few more steps until you were closer to Renjun with the water coming up to your hips.

“Mermaids too.” Renjun nonchalantly said, washing himself down with his own bar of soap.

“What?!” Your eyes widened and you were about to turn back around when Renjun’s hand caught your wrist. He gave you a tug and your shoulders were soon underneath the water.

“I’m kidding.” He chuckled, letting go of you and pushing his hair back off of his face. The sun beamed down on his glistening wet skin, and you tried your hardest not to stare at how beautiful his body was. “Do I have to wash you myself or are you just going to stare at me?” He smirked and you found your cheeks heating up quickly, you turned away and started to wash yourself with the soap. “Is that what you’re used to? Having your body washed by your servant’s, little rich girl?” You knew he was mocking you, his tone light and airy.

“No. I’m fully capable of washing my own body thank you.” You huffed, your arms causing unnecessary splashes in the water as you tried to show off how you didn’t find him funny. He simply laughed and you both continued to wash yourselves in the cold water. So yeah, you hated bath time.

Apart from that, it wasn’t all that bad.

You walked through the dense trees with Renjun by your side. He was wearing a black pair of trousers with a loose white shirt that showed off the top of his chest. It was midday, so the forest was lit up well by the hot sun beating down through the gaps in the canopy. You wore one of Renjun’s long shirts as a dress, still not having anymore clothes apart from what you wore the day you arrived at his cabin. But Renjun had told you that he’d sent a raven carrying a letter to someone he can trust. He hopes they’ll bring the items he put on the list so that you can finally have some other clothes.

“So the red berries you can use to make a potion that will kill someone?” You looked at Renjun beside you, his head nodding as a reply as his eyes scoured the floor for the item you were talking about. “And the pink berries you can use to make a love potion?” He nodded again and you made a noise of amazement. “Woah, that’s spectacular!” You picked up a flower that had white petals and a blue bud. “What does this do?”

“Nothing, its just a flower.” He scoffed a laugh, pushing back some loose leaves to uncover the red berries he was talking about. You dropped the flower and stared at the berries.

“Why do you want to kill someone though?”

“Don’t ask so many questions.” He deadpanned, putting the berries into his sack.

“Are you going to make someone fall in love with you?” You tilted your head, unable to stop the questions from pouring out of your mouth.

“No. I make potions to sell on the black market. Potions that can kill, harm, or force someone into something are considered illegal and black magic. But it’s the only way I can get money and food. The person I sent a raven to is the same person who does my deals for me.”

“Isn’t he worried he’ll be caught? You get the death sentence for illegal things like that…”

“He’s a vampire, so no.”

“That’s hot.” You smirked at him, his eyed widened and he gave you a look of shock. You burst into laughter and rolled your eyes. “I’m joking, hey can you make a potion that-” Before you could finish, you stopped talking, the loud shouts that echoed through the trees causing a chill of dread to shoot through your system. The voices sounded identical to that of the ones following you when you were running a week prior. “We need to go.” You gripped onto Renjun’s arm, but the voices got louder and suddenly you were facing the one man you never wanted to see again.

“Hello my love, long time no see.” The man stood in front of you smirked, his thin lips pulling up and making him look dangerous. “I wasn’t best pleased to find out my wife had run away.” His piercing blue eyes looked you up and down. You would have run again, but you were frozen on the spot, and he had five other men stood by his side, all holding swords and looking ready to attack.

“I’m not your wife. We never got married.” You spat with hatred at him, giving him a look of disgust. Renjun stood beside you with a look of confusion on his face, his eyebrows furrowed, and fists clenched.

“I see you’ve already found yourself another man. Such a little whore (Y/N).” He sneered at you and gave Renjun a look up and down.

“I’m not with him. Don’t bring him into this.”

“Who are you?” Renjun completely disregarded everything you just said and threw himself into the situation.

“Did she not tell you about the fiancé that she abandoned? Well, to cut a long story short. I woke up one day to find my lover gone. My men soon found her hiding and she ran into the forest. They tracked her but lost her, and here we are now.”

“No. She didn’t.” You and Renjun turned to look at each other and he hit you with a hard glare. You gulped, a nervous fire burning in the pit of your stomach from how Renjun was staring at you.

“Hand her over and you can go free. But if you don’t, we’ll kill you.” Your ex-fiancé’s lips curled into a blood curdling smirk. Renjun gasped and started to stutter.

“T-take her! I-I don’t w-want no trouble!” He held his arms up beside his head in surrender. Your stomach fell through the floor at how he was giving you up so quickly without even hearing your side of the story. You thought that Renjun was going to stick by your side, but then thought that he actually had no reason to. You were simply mooching off of him and this was his opportunity to get rid of you.

“No Renjun! Please don’t do this!” You grabbed his wrist and begged him, your eyes staring into his and welling up with tears. Your heart was beating fast as two men enclosed on you, not giving you much time to escape as they grabbed you by the arms. “Get off of me!” You squealed and tried to tug yourself away from them. “Stop!” You dug your heels into the floor, but it was no use against the strong henchmen. You looked at your capture and saw his sick, sadistic smile on his face as he grabbed you by the jaw.

“I can’t wait to have you underneath me; I hope he didn’t do much damage to your pretty little cunt.” His words had you shaking at inside, tears falling down your cheeks and you didn’t even want to think of the things he would do to you. “You belong to me. Don’t forget that.” He tapped your cheek and turned to Renjun who was stood looking meek by a tree. “You did good boy. Now go home.” You were being dragged unwillingly through the forest, your back to Renjun but you wanted to scream at him for giving you over like that. You felt betrayed and it was like having a hot knife twisted in your chest.

The tight grips on your arms were suddenly gone, and a purple flash blinded you momentarily. You fell to the floor from no longer having any support from the goons who were holding you captive. You squeezed your eyes shut and heard the sounds of deep grunts, followed by thuds hitting the floor and what you could only describe as knives slashing. Strong arms wrapped around your middle and you whimpered, gripping onto the floor like it would stop whoever was attacking you.

“No! Stop!” You struggled in their arms as you sobbed, wishing you were back in Renjun’s cabin where you felt safe.

“Hey stop, it’s me.” Renjun’s soft voice whispered to you as he pulled you up into his arms. He held you to his chest and shushed you gently. “You’re okay, keep your eyes closed.” He started to walk, carrying you in his arms with ease. You couldn’t help but open your eyes to see what had happened. The sight you were met with had your mouth dropped open and fresh tears to fall from your eyes.

“You killed them?!” You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to rid the image of all six men laying on the floor with their throats slit open. You don’t think you’ll ever forget the sight of your ex-fiancé as he laid on the floor, choking on his own blood as he slowly died. “How did you do that?!”

“With dark magic, I told you not to look!” You hid your face into the crook of his neck as he carried you back to his home despite the fact he’d just murdered six people in front of you. You couldn’t stop the tears the trailed down your face as you stewed in your thoughts the whole journey home. You really thought you were going to be forced into the marriage you didn’t want once again. You let out a long sigh as Renjun gently sat you on his bed. He cupped your face and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. “Are you hurt?” He spoke quietly, his eyes scouring over you as he checked for any marks. “Your arms are going to bruise.” He gently stroked your arms, his fingers barely touching you as he sighed. “When the bruises show, I can heal you.” He sat down beside you and hesitated before he took your hands into his own. He didn’t speak, his eyes trained on your face as he waited for you to break the silence.

“I was born into a rich family, and as soon as I turned 18, they signed me up for an arranged marriage. They recently matched me with him,” You paused, gulping back your emotions as you looked up at the ceiling. “he’s abusive. He would hit me, force me to do things I really didn’t want to do…”

“Did he rape you?” Renjun whispered, his stomach fluttering with butterflies as he waited for you to respond.

“No.” You shook your head, sighing and turning to look at Renjun. “He was waiting for our wedding night.”

“Bastard.” His fists clenched and he growled in disgust.

“So I ran away. That night I broke into your home, I was being chased by his men. A white wolf chased them away and I’m sure it saved me on purpose.” You looked into Renjun’s dark eyes, noticing a strange look behind them that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“Snowy.”

“Sorry?” You raised an eyebrow in confusion at him.

“Her name is Snowy. Well, it’s not actually her name, but she can’t talk so I just call her Snowy.” He nodded with a small smile on his face as if he was proud of what she did. He gave your hands a squeeze but made no effort to lose contact with you. You had never felt safer in your entire life as what you felt in the middle of the most dangerous forest, in a run-down cabin, with a man you’d only known for just over a week. You felt a sudden rush of affection and thankfulness towards him, knowing if he hadn’t been with you, then you’d be made to marry that monster. You didn’t even want to think of the things he would have done to you as punishment for running away. You leaned your head in, hesitating before pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek with your eyes closing as you made contact. Renjun stiffened momentarily, but then relaxed, a soft smile playing at his lips as his cheeks started to turn pink fast.

“Thank you for saving me.” Silence ensued after you pulled away, and you both sat wordlessly on his bed for five minutes before he spoke up once again.

“My mother was the castles witch, or healer as some would say.” He took a deep breath and stared you in the eye, you felt his grip on your hand tighten as he worked up the courage to finally tell his story to someone after so many years of keeping it to himself. “I never knew my father, she just used to tell me that he was a coward and we were better off without him. Anyway, throughout my life, my mother would help me with the gift that she’d passed down to me, and I was getting really good with using magic. One night I decided I needed some answers about my father, so I snuck into her work room and spent hours searching for a recipe for a truth potion. I found it and I brewed it in secret whilst she slept. The next morning I slipped it into her drink, and by midday she was spilling all sorts of secrets out that I never knew about.” He let out a sigh and you noticed that his eyes started to fill with tears.

“You haven’t got to tell me anymore.” You rubbed your thumb over the back of his hand to try and comfort him. “If its too much you haven’t got to.”

“No, I want to.” He took another deep breath and sniffed back his tears. “I asked her about my father, and she said that the King is my father. I got really mad that she never told me, and I threw things around and I said some really nasty stuff. I felt like something was boiling inside of me that I couldn’t control. So I left, because I didn’t want to hurt her. The next thing I did was find the King. Obviously, he knew who I was and that I was his son. We argued and I kept shouting at him, he told me to stop or I would regret it. I didn’t believe that he’d do anything though because it just sounded like empty threats, and I was so angry. He’d slept with my mother when he was married to the Queen, so he never wanted anyone to find out. Then a month after I was born the Queen gave birth to the Prince, so the King threatened my mother that if anyone ever found out, he’d have her killed.” His eyes started to blink faster as he continued on with his story, his eyes glossier than before. “I didn’t stop shouting at him, so he had his guards restrain me while they went to collect my mother. He had them hold me in front of her whilst he slit her throat.” His face crinkled up as a sob left his lips, the memory paining him and causing a dam to burst inside of him. You gulped, your own eyes filling with tears at the thought of what he’d been through.

“Oh no…” You let go of his hands and instead wrapped your arms around his torso, bringing him close to you and rubbing his back in slow circles. “Renjun…” His frame rocked from the sobs he let out. He sniffed and wiped his eyes with his hands, letting out a long breath and gulping.

“They killed her in front of me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.” He pulled away from your embrace and took your hands back in his own instead, missing the feel of your soft hands within his own. He entwined your fingers with his own and kept his eyes on them as he played with them. “They threw me on the floor in her blood, and I felt so much rage and sadness that I didn’t know what to do. I ran back to my room and I grabbed my wand, I wasn’t even thinking, my legs just carried me. I went to find the King again, but before I could get to him, I came across the Prince in the hall.” He winced as he started to explain what happened next. “I grew up with the Prince, he was my closest friend and the Queen would encourage us to play together despite the fact I was a workers son. She’s a very kind woman, and I believe she knew about her husband’s affair, but she never held it against me or my mother. Obviously, he was worried when he saw me covered in blood, and he kept firing questions at me and trying to stop me from where I was going, he didn’t know I had the intention of killing his father. I was getting overwhelmed, especially with my newly found brother being in front of me. Other people heard the commotion and they came to watch, it was when the King came around the corner that I lost it. I saw red. And Jeno was in my way…” He paused as he thought about how to explain what happened next to you. He squeezed your hand tight as he spoke. “I remember seeing a bright green light emitting from my wand as I raised it at him, then suddenly he was laying in a heap by his fathers’ feet, but he wasn’t human anymore…he was a wolf. I can remember the burning feeling I had in my gut as I fired the curse at him, but I didn’t mean to. I never wanted to harm him, I loved him like a brother, and I was devastated at what I’d done. So I ran, the same way that you had.”

“You had no other choice Renjun, how old were you?”

“Sixteen.” He sighed, resting his head on your shoulder as he shut his eyes. “The feeling I had back then was the same feeling I felt today when those men had their arms around you.” His face hardened and he scowled at the memory.

“You were just a kid; you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” You tried to reassure him, but you knew it probably made no difference to him. “And you had no other choice today, its not like you had a sword and could fight them in combat.”

“I did though, I wanted other people to hurt…I killed all the knights who chased me, I’m a murderer (Y/N), I have too much dark magic inside of me to be anything other than a bad person. It’s my fault that my mother was killed, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

“Renjun, your mother was murdered in front of you, and you were so young I can only assume that you had no control of powers that strong at such a young age. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. But you can’t change what happened.” You lifted his hands up and placed a kiss to the back of one of them.

“I trust you not to hurt me.”

“I would never hurt you…” You both looked into each other’s eyes as he raised his head from your shoulder. You smiled shyly and your breath hitched as his head crept closer to your own. When your lips were a centimetre away from touching a loud howl ripped through the air, followed by a chorus of more howls. You both pulled away and Renjun stood up fast to peek out of the window beside his bed.

“What’s going on?” You asked with a horrible feeling in your gut even though you knew the threat you had run away from was no long lingering over your head.

“I think some wolves have just found the bodies, it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Oh…” You stood up from Renjun’s bed and noticed that the sun had started to set, making the entire cabin eerily dark. Renjun waved his hand over a candle in the corner of his room and a flickering flame brought a new light to the setting.

“When you first came here you said you recognised my name…why?” He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at you.

“You’re a wanted man, but I think you already knew that.” He let out a soft laugh before nodding his head. You thought back to when Renjun had come across you in his home and he’d asked you who had sent you, at the time it confused you, but now it made sense. He was scared for his life, and he had a right to be.

“Yes that’s why I’ve been living deep in a forest most people wouldn’t even dare to enter.” He winked at you and made his way downstairs, you quickly stepped to the window and brushed the curtain aside, peering out into the dense trees. You could have sworn you saw some amber eyes staring at you from far away, but they were gone just as fast as they were there.

“Its been a long day.” You mumbled to yourself and shook your head, trying to clear your mind. Your cheeks heated up as you thought back to the kiss you had nearly shared with Renjun. The image of his face getting closer to your own with his really kissable looking lips was making your palms sweat. You were in the midst of thinking about how things would have turned out had your lips actually met with his own, and you were debating whether you had feelings for the boy you’d only known a week when his footsteps made the stairs creak underneath him. He was carrying your blanket and pillow in his hands which caused you to furrow your eyebrows at him. “What are you doing with those?”

“I don’t want you sleeping on the couch anymore, I just thought maybe you’d want to er…” His cheeks slowly turned red as he stumbled over his words. “Share the b-bed with me?” Your eyes widened and you glanced at his bed. It was definitely big enough to hold the both of you, and you were surprised that he felt comfortable enough with you to do that.

“No funny business?” You raised an eyebrow at him and smirked, enjoying the way he squirmed under your stare.

“(Y/N)!”

“I’m joking!”

---

The soft summer breeze was doing nothing to cool you down. The sun had caused your body to perspire and your flowy maroon dress to stick to your skin, and you took off your shoes in hopes to get some air to them. The richly colourful flowers mixed in with lengthy grass was one of the most calming things you’d witness in a long time. With the large mountains in view, a running stream so close you could hear the water trickling against the rocks, and the forest framing the spacious meadow, you didn’t want to move. The grass was soft against your body as you sat amongst it, Renjun’s head laying in your lap with his eyes shut, basking in the heat of the sun that was beating down from the endless, sapphire blue sky. You gazed down at his shining skin, smiling at the way his long eyelashes laid against his cheeks. His hair had gotten longer in the past two months that you’d known him, but he refused to let you cut it no matter how much you badgered him about it. You ran your hands through his hair and twirled the long locks around your fingers, he let out a soft sigh from how good it felt to him and nuzzled his head into your touch.

“You’re adorable Renjunnie.” You whispered, unsure if he was asleep or not, but the way his nose crinkled in disgust at your words told you he was still awake. “Don’t try to deny it.” You giggled, scratching his scalp with your fingernails as his eyes blinked open, squinting up at you as the sun was so bright.

“You were singing as you were washing our clothes this morning, yet I’m the adorable one?” He closed his eyes again but raised an eyebrow at you.

“You heard me?” You gasped with your eyes wide in surprise, a blush of embarrassment rising on your cheeks.

“Yes you weren’t exactly quiet.”

“Did I wake you up?” You picked at a flower beside you and slid it into Renjun’s hair. You smiled at your handy work and hastily picked another flower.

“No, I was already awake.” He mumbled and yawned, unaware that you were decorating his hair with flowers because your touch was so delicate.

“You kept rolling on me last night.” You sniggered, his eyes opening in surprise and catching you in the act of putting a white flower in his hair. You’d been sharing Renjun’s bed with him since the day you’d both admitted to each other why you were both on the run two months ago. You hadn’t had anymore close encounters of kissing like that had that day, but your feelings towards Renjun had grown significantly the more you got to know him. You took a keen interest in Renjun’s potions and spells, often assisting him with the brewing of potions and doing the grand job of holding his instruments. There was a time when Renjun got frustrated to the point of snapping, and you were nearly in the firing line of a ball of navy-blue fire that flew through the air. It had missed you luckily, and instead the wall of the cabin had a gaping, smouldering hole where the ball had hit it. Renjun had never apologised more in his life than that moment that he’d nearly hurt you, but it brought the two of you closer, especially when you reassured him that you trusted him.  “Why were you so restless? Did you have another bad dream?” Since you’d been sharing his bed with him, you’d witnessed a number of his nightmares. It would start with soft whimpers leaving his lips and would escalate to him becoming agitated and twitchy in his sleep. You didn’t know whether to wake him or not, as the one time you did, he’d woken with such a start that he’d pushed you off of the bed. You didn’t want a repeat of that, so you always waited it out until his body went still once more.

“No, it was a good dream.” His smile was sleepy, and he stared up at you like you were the only thing he could see.

“Care to share?” You brushed the flowers from his hair just as he sat up, leaning on his hand to keep his body upright.

“No, I’m keeping it to myself.” He winked and let out a soft laugh before sighing. “What shall we do tomorrow?” You looked away from him, staring into the dense trees as you racked your brain for ideas of what to do.

“I want to go into town.” When he didn’t reply to you, you turned to see a scowl on his face, his lips pulled into a tight line and his body visibly tense. “I just want to see other people again you know…I miss the smells, the sounds, the food…” He still didn’t speak, thoughts rushing through his head as you spoke. “Renjun say something…”

“You’re not going.” His face was still stern, his eyebrows knitted together as he kept his eyes trained on you. You scoffed in disbelief; you couldn’t believe he had the nerve to tell you there you weren’t going to do something that you wanted to do.

“I wasn’t asking you for permission.” You shot back at him, your face now mirroring his own hard look.

“I don’t care, I’m not allowing you to go to town (Y/N).” You could both see where this was heading. Your tongue pushed into your cheek and you pursed your lips at him, raising an eyebrow as a silent challenge. All your life you’d been underneath the thumb of your parents, and now you had all the freedom you could possibly want, you weren’t going to allow a male to control you again.

“I’m going. Whether you like it or not.” You shrugged at him, watching as his gaze darkened. His fists clenched as he willed the fire burning in his stomach to simmer down.

“No. You are not.” He gripped at some of the grass in an attempt to calm down. “Don’t push me.”

“What makes you think you have the right to tell me what I do and don’t do Renjun. You’re not my father, or my husband. And even if you were, I sure as hell wouldn’t be controlled by you.” You pushed yourself up onto your knees, getting prepared to storm away at any moment.

“(Y/N) do you not understand how much danger you would be in if you went to the town? You even said so yourself that there are people who work for your fiancés family that could come looking for you. You will be walking around with a target on you. What the fuck would I do? I cant go with you because I’m the most wanted man in the entire Kingdom, and I cant just wait here for you to come home, not knowing if someone’s found you, or if a fucking animal has eaten you while you were on your way home. So no. You aren’t going (Y/N). And if you do go, then don’t bother coming back.” He growled with vigour, his eyes staring to glow a disturbing purple colour. Your mouth popped open as you witnessed what you believed to be dark magic taking over the Renjun that you knew. You’d never actually seen first-hand what the dark magic did to his physcial features, only ever seeing the aftermath of his rage running through him. You didn’t know how to calm him down, so you did the one thing you’d been wanting to do since that day he’d saved your life. You cupped his face in your soft hands and pulled his lips to meet your own. You squeezed your eyes shut, so you couldn’t see if what you were doing was helping him to calm down or not. You felt his hands come to rest on your waist, his grip tight to begin with but soon loosening as you moved your lips in perfect time with his. He pulled you from him and you opened your eyes to look at him. He stared into your eyes, his sight flicking down to your lips as he held his hands to your hips. As you looked into his brown eyes, you noticed that sadness behind them and it made your heart sink. He’d already lost the person who meant the most to him in the world, and he no longer had his best friend either. You could see why he was getting upset and angry and immediately regretted how you acted. He visibly gulped

“I’m not going anywhere.” You whispered as you looked to his parted lips.

“Good…” He leaned in once more and slotted his lips between your own. Your eyes shut automatically and you leaned into his touch, stroking your thumbs against his warm cheeks. He very slowly lowered you against the long grass, holding his body over your own as he worked his lips against yours. The feel of his tongue pushing against your own was something you’d never felt before, but it was a welcomed touch, it igniting a fire within you that was new to you. He moved his kisses down your jaw to your neck, sucking softly at your skin and squeezing your hips with his hands.

“I’m in love with you (Y/N)…” He whispered against you, letting out a sigh and resting his forehead in the crook of your neck. He gulped, screwing his eyes shut as he admitted his feelings towards you. “Please love me back.” You could barely hear him as he’d said the words so quietly, his voice cracking from how he got choked up. It broke your heart.

“Renjun…” You laid your hands on his back, rubbing them around in slow circles. You leaned your head against his, holding him to you tightly to comfort him. “I’m in love with you too.” He pulled his head back to look into your eyes, a small smile on his face as he looked down at you.

“I don’t want to lose you; I can’t lose anyone else.” His eyes welled with tears, making them appear glossy and darker than usual.

“You don’t have to, I won’t go.” You lifted your head and placed a tender kiss to his lips.

“Good.” He murmured against your lips, getting lost in your mouth once more. You kissed him for what felt like hours, but in reality, it was only ten minutes, before he descended to kiss at your neck.

“That feels good.” You smiled, your eyes shutting as he sucked a dark bruise into your neck. He smirked, licking a stripe up your skin and letting out a low chuckle. Your legs wrapped around Renjun’s hips, your hands fiddling with the hair at the nape of his neck as he rolled his hips against yours. An involuntary moan spilled from your gaping lips, new feelings of excitement blooming inside of you that you’d never felt before. “Do it again.” You encouraged him, his hips rolling into yours again but with more force. He smiled, giving your lips one last peck before he sat back on his feels, his eyes staring down at your chest as it rose and fell fast from how thrilled you were. His shaky hands reached out as he took the top button of your dress between his fingers. He hesitated, looking you and biting his bottom lip. You nodded your head when you realised that he was wordlessly asking you for permission. He popped open the first button, then worked on opening the next 3 until your bra was on show. He placed both of his hands over your breasts, squeezing them over the plain material and letting out a throaty moan at the sight of what he was doing. You already knew that Renjun was a virgin, and that he’d never even seen a woman naked until he accidentally walked in on you naked one time. But you also knew he’d read books about sex, and that his mother had gotten the castles gardener to give him ‘the talk’ when he was fourteen. You’d also had ‘the talk’ given to you by your mother at the age of sixteen, and you snuck out multiple times to buy adult books that had very graphic explanations of sex in them. But no one needed to know that.

His hands wrapped around your torso and he quickly untied your bra, pulling the loose fabric from your body and setting it down beside you. “Wow…” He mumbled, his mouth popping open in awe at your body. He leaned in, placing gentle kisses to the top of your breasts while he cupped them with his hands. His lips trailed down, and he took one of your nipples between his lips. He looked up at you as he sucked at the sensitive bud, a small gasp falling from your lips at the spark it sent through you. He looked so innocent and content as he swirled his tongue around your nipple, his hips grinding lazily into yours. He moaned against you, his cock quickly hardening in his pants as he moved to the other breast to give it attention. He sat back on his heels once more, palming at his erection and biting his bottom lip. You smirked, sitting up and not hesitating before ridding yourself of your dress completely, only wearing your plain white panties. He followed your lead, pulling his loose white shirt off over his head before shimmying out of his pants. Your lips met in the middle, his hands framing your face as he drove his tongue into your mouth once again. Without thinking, you reached a hand out and squeezed at his hard length through his pants. He pulled back and sucked in a harsh intake of breath, his eyes screwing shut as he sounded pained.

“Is that good or bad?” You immediately withdrew your hand and looked worried, your eyes wide and dripping with simplicity.

“Good, too good.” He grabbed your hand and placed it back where it was before. You giggled softly, rubbing your hand against him as he bucked his hips up towards you. You slipped your hand into his underwear and gulped when you felt his cock against your hand. You didn’t have anything to compare it to, but you were happy with the size of it, but you had a daunting feeling sitting in your gut at whether you were confident in having something of that size inside of you. He pushed his underwear down and set them aside with the rest of his clothes. He watched your face as you stared at his rock-hard appendage, your hand having stilled. “Are you okay?” He took your hand in his and pressed a soft kiss to the back of it. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Renjun I’ve been sleeping in a bed with you for the past two months, you have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do this with you. It’s happening.” You grasped him in your hand once more, shuffling yourself forward on your knees as you very slowly stroked his cock. He reached his own hand out and slowly stroked your folds, his eyes widening in surprise at how wet you were already. He didn’t really know what he was doing, but he found your dripping hole fast and slid a finger inside of you. “Oh…” Your mouth popped open and you found your hips moving instinctively against his hand, rolling them in time to his finger dipping in and out of you. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to your shoulder, his lips trailing up to where he’d made a dark bruise on your neck. You moaned at the slight pain you felt when he nibbled at the sore spot but leaned into his touch anyway. He slowly slid another finger inside of you, stopping his ministrations when you whimpered in pain, your body going stiff and your hips raising.

“Did I hurt you?” You could hear the worry in his voice, it warming your heart that he was being so gentle with you.

“A little, just give me a few seconds to adjust.” He stayed completely still until you gave him the go ahead, his digits slowly moving in and out of you in a steady rhythm. You took in a deep breath and felt your thighs start to quiver from the little pangs of pleasure you felt every time he plunged his fingers inside of you. He pulled his fingers out of you and gave you a gentle nudge as a wordless hint for you to lay down. You laid back into the long grass, the kaleidoscope of colours from the flowers made your colour pop underneath the sun, the light sheen of sweat over your body making you glisten. Renjun was stunned by your beauty. His heart pounding in his chest as he stared down at the woman he’d fallen in love with in such a short time.

“Tell me if I hurt you or if you want to stop.” He spat in his palm and then stroked his cock a few times. He leaned over you, bracing himself up on one hand beside your head as he used his other hand to guide his cock to your entrance. He rubbed the head of his leaking member against your entrance, coating the head with your juices before very tenderly pushing it against the oozing cavern presented to him. You tensed up, wincing as it felt like you were being split in half.

“Stop!” You whimpered and he halted instantly. You felt bad when you saw the worried look on his face, his lips opening and closing as he tried to garner what to say. “Try again…”

“No. I don’t want to hurt you (Y/N)!” He was about to back off, but you grabbed him by the hair to stop him from moving. “Ow!”

“Sorry! Please, try again.” You pouted up at him, your eyes going comedically wide at him. He let out a sigh and nodded his head in obligement. When your hands had let go of his hair he quickly pulled away, much to your dismay. But before you could whine at him, he scooted backwards in the grass, gripping your thighs in his hands and pulling your hips upwards so that you were laying flat on your back again, your legs spread in front of him. He dipped down without a word and licked a stripe from your hole to your clit. A new feeling came over you as his tongue came in contact with the little bundle of nerves you’d only ever read about in the erotic books you’d secretly read. He watched your reaction and parted your folds with his fingers, leaning in and flicking his tongue against the little bud again. “Oh my…” You breathed out, leaning your head back as you felt like sobbing from how good it felt. He pushed his two fingers inside of you again, working them in and out of you as he sucked on your clit. Without you even noticing he added one more finger, moving them faster as he loosened you up. You felt what you could only describe as an explosion slowly building inside of your stomach, your toes curling and thighs starting to shake as the feeling got stronger.

Without saying anything, he suddenly withdrew from you, leaving you on the edge of your orgasm without even realising it. He hovered over you and very slowly started to push his cock into you once more. You still felt a slight string of pain, but it was considerably duller feeling that what it had been on his first attempt. He stopped once he was fully sheathed inside of you, his forehead resting against your own as you both adjusted to the new feeling. “Make love to me.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. His lips met yours in a lingering kiss as he slowly pulled his hips back, pushing inside of you once more. He repeated this until he picked up a leisurely rhythm. He panted and let out soft groans against your lips, your orgasm slowly building back up until you were whimpering for more. You gripped at his back, digging your nails into his perspiring skin as his thrusts started to lose pace. The moment didn’t last as long as you would have hoped, as his body tensed up, he let out a guttural moan as he spilled his hot cum inside of you. He moved his hips slowly for a few moments before he pulled out, the over-stimulation becoming too much for him. He wiped his forehead with his hand and looked down at you.

“I’m sorry, I-I didn’t think it would be that quick…” His cheeks flared up a bright red as he became embarrassed as his short performance. You giggled gently, biting your bottom lip as you watched him.

“You can always use your mouth again…I liked that a lot.” You shyly spoke, your own cheeks flaring up at how lewd your words sounded. A proud smirk rose up on his face as he leaned down, watching as his cum dribbled out of your hole. He used his fingers and pushed it back inside of you, attaching his mouth to your clit and sucking at it profusely as he rammed his fingers in and out of you. It didn’t take long for your first ever orgasm to crash into you like a tree falling on top of you. The air was snatched from your lungs and you saw stars that clouded over your vision. You tried to catch your breath, but you were struggling as your body adjusted to life after your orgasm. Renjun pulled his fingers out of you and watched against as his cum seeped from you, his bottom lip being tugged between his teeth in fascination. He didn’t want to alarm you, so he didn’t tell you about the small amount of blood mixed in with the white of his cum. He grabbed his shirt and hurried to clean you up with it, helping you get dressed and pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. He had to help you stand up, your legs wobbly from the strain they’d been through. You wrapped your arms around him and smiled up at him with a look of pure admiration and love settled on your features.

“What are you thinking?” You grinned up at him, curious as to what was playing on his mind after what the two of you had just done.

“That it was exactly like my dream…what are you thinking?” He’d put his pants back on but opted not to wear his now dirty shirt.

“How happy I am, thank you for taking me in and giving me this life.” You pressed a soft kiss to his jaw, unable to stop the wide smile that spread across your lips.

“I should be the one thanking you, I finally have someone to care about again. I was so lonely…”

“You never have to be lonely again.”

---

The gentle lull of Renjun’s soft voice was causing your eyes to droop. The flickering fire in front of you was creating a warmth over you that made you just want to drift off into the land of sleep. The sun had long gone down, and after a filling meal you and Renjun had cooked together had been consumed, you decided to snuggle up to him on the sofa. It was his idea to read a book aloud as your entertainment for the night. At first, you’d thought of it as a good idea, but the more he droned on, not putting much enthusiasm into making different voices for the different characters like you did, the sleepier you felt. You were surprised in yourself that you didn’t want him to bend your legs behind your ears and give you the fucking of a lifetime like you did most nights since you’d both lost your virginities to each other over a month prior. You’d been surprised when Renjun had brewed a strange tasting concoction that he claimed would prevent you from falling pregnant, and truth be told, you dreaded swallowing the sickly liquid that tasted like dirt. But if it meant you could have as much sex as you liked without the chances of creating unwanted babies, then you’d drink gallons of the stuff. Its not that you didn’t want children with him, but it just wasn’t convenient with your living situation. Your home was too tiny, and you could barely look after yourself at your age after having been spoilt your entire life by your parents. So babies were out of the question until a later date.

“Are you still awake?” Renjun paused his reading to ask you, his head leaning back to try and see your eyes from where you had your head pressed into his chest.

“Hmm.” You made a short noise to show that you were still listening to him, even if you had lost what was happening in the story, he was telling you. You got lost in your thoughts once more as he started again. You thought back to his past, and about how he told you he was the son of the King. A question popped into your mind that you couldn’t help but ask immediately. “If you’re the King’s first son, then aren’t you the heir to the throne?” You cut him off and he went dead silent as he thought about your words. He didn’t often like to talk about his past, and if it got brought up, he would hurry to change the subject, or he’d distract you with kisses and random flowers that he magicked up out of nowhere.

“No. I’m an illegitimate son that was born out of wedlock. I couldn’t ever sit on the throne, and I don’t want to. It’s not the life for me.” He shrugged, closing the book and setting it down on the table beside the sofa.

“Oh.” You didn’t know what to say, so started to look around the cabin awkwardly. You stared out of the window into the dark forest, noticing a pair of amber eyes staring back at you. You remembered back to the time you’d seen them before but had dismissed it as your imagination. You knew it was Snowy’s eyes, as her eyes were a vibrant green, not a threatening amber like the ones staring back into you. You gulped, ripping your eyes away and pulling away form Renjun. “There’s someone…something watching us.” You whispered, a horrible chill rippling through you and settling in the pit of your stomach in a horrible ball of anxiety.

“What?” He frowned, sitting up and reaching for his wand on the table.

“Outside.” You flicked your eyes over to the window subtly, not wanting the creature to know that you were alerting someone of its presence. One thing you’d learned from your time living in the forest was that the habitants of the dangerous woods were very smart. Your stomach dropped further into the floor when the eyes were gone. “It’s gone…” Renjun jumped up and you both went dead silent. You could feel your hands shaking unwillingly as Renjun held a hand out to the fire, turning it from a flickering flame to a dull ember that didn’t give off as much light.

“I’m scared.” You whispered as rustling noises came from outside the wooden walls of the cabin. You gulped, tears filling your eyes as Renjun pulled you to your feet. He wrapped an arm around your protectively, but you knew he was only doing it to comfort you. The rustling circled around the house before coming to a dead stop, the silence eerily haunting you and all you could hear was your own heartbeat thudding inside of your chest. No more noise was heard from outside so Renjun placed his wand on the table once more, going over to the window and drawing the curtain shut.

“It’s gone, probably just a curios wolf. It happens every now and then.” He went back to you and cupped your face in his hands. “Nothing will hurt you as long as I’m still breathing okay?” You opened your mouth to reply, but as you did, the door to the cabin caved in with an ear-splitting noise of the wood splinting and crashing to the floor. You screamed, Renjun pushing you behind him as he made to grab for his wand. In front of you, where the door had once been, was a wolf bigger than any you had seen before. Its fur was as black as a starless night sky. The same amber eyes staring at you as what had been before through the glass of the window. The wolf stared straight at Renjun, not even glancing at you as it bared its teeth. But it made no move to attack either of you. Renjun had his wand raised, staring at the wolf almost as if the two of them were challenging each other. It couldn’t even fit through the doorframe, only its head poking in through the gap where the door once was. You wondered why Renjun hadn’t done anything to get rid of the wolf, not even saying anything as a warning to it. The wolf backed off and disappeared out of sight, leaving you confused and without answers. “Stay here.” Renjun’s voice was stern as he addressed you, his legs moving fast as he rushed through the exit of the cabin.

“Don’t go out there!” You squeaked, not listening to him as you followed him quickly. When your body hit the cool night air you looked at Renjun who was froze on the spot. In front of him was a naked young man, who had hair that matched the wolfs fur, with amber eyes to match. You gulped, not saying anything as you stayed back and watched the two men stare at each other.

“Jeno…” Renjun finally spoke, his voice coming out raspy as his throat had dried up in shock at seeing his brother in front of him.

“Took you long enough to recognise me, considering it was you who did this to me.” The boy growled back, baring his teeth at Renjun like a wolf would. You couldn’t quite believe what was happening in front of you. Renjun had finally been found by his brother and was being confronted about what he did.

“Jeno it was an accident.” Renjun sighed out, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

“I don’t give a fuck if it was an accident! You ruined my life, and then ran off before I could even find out why the fuck you did this to me!!” He sounded mad, his voice coming out like a growl. He stretched his neck out and took in a deep breath like he was trying to control himself.

“I had to run away; your father would have killed me for what I did to you.”

“Good. I want answers, then I’ll decided whether I let you live or whether I rip your throat out.” Your face crinkled up as he said that, tears falling from your eyes as you realised the severity of the situation. Jeno flicked his gaze to you, and then he looked back at Renjun. “You don’t deserve any happiness.” Renjun sighed, dropping his wand to the floor and slowly approaching Jeno.

“Fine.” He took a deep breath and his shoulders tensed as he starting to explain to Jeno. “Your father killed my mother, and I wanted revenge. I was on my way to get my revenge when you got in my way. I told you to move and you didn’t. I couldn’t help the dark magic that came out of me Jeno. I never wanted to do this to you Jeno…you know how close we were, and I am sorry.” Jeno narrowed his eyes as he listened, his eyes widening once when Renjun blamed Jeno’s father for his mother’s death. He screwed his eyes shut and let out a yell in frustration.

“It makes no fucking sense Renjun!!! Why would my father just randomly kill your mother?!”

“Jeno…you don’t know do you?” Renjun’s voice suddenly sounded very soft, almost like he was on the verge of tears.

“Know what?” Jeno gulped as he waited for Renjun to speak. Renjun took a deep breath and spoke clearly.

“I’m your brother…”

(A/N: Hi! I hope you liked this instalment to the Charia Kingdom series, if you liked it, please reblog it and give me some feedback if you want me to continue on with the series. thank you!)

[rwby-grimm-guardians]

RWBY Grimm Guardians Arc 3: Separated Union Ch 9

Side JNPR: Reunions

Welcome back to Separated Union! Here’s the special chapter, Side JNPR and here, Jaune, Nora, Ren, and Oscar talk about the current events and a certain red-head returns.

This takes place a few hours after Side Red III, so it is around lunch time.

As usual, please give constructive criticism and enjoy.

Disclaimer: Still own nothing.

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(1:38 PM)

Oscar walked into the hospital cafe, sighing. He hadn’t realized how much he had been missing his own mother while he was visiting his aunt. The farm boy also noticed Jaune was deep in his thoughts as well, given how the younger teenager accidentally walked in on the blonde talking to one of his sisters on the phone. Speaking of the blonde, Jaune was sitting at a table by himself, rubbing his eyes. He looked...fairly exhausted. Both physically and mentally.

Oscar sat in front of him, asking, “Maybe a dumb question, but are you...doing alright?” “Not really, to be honest…” Jaune said. “Ruby and her mother’s interactions, as well as your interactions with your own mom remind me how much I’m...missing my own family back at home…” He rubbed his back, “I have a few sisters, as I’m sure you know by now. Also got a nephew...” The blonde chuckled, before sighing, “I know they’re safe right now, but...what if I need to be there for them when they need me the most?”

“The world’s getting more chaotic.” He explained. “More Grimm are showing up, forces that are bigger than us are targeting us and the academies; we are heading into dangerous territory.” Oscar nodded in agreement, before Jaune continued, “I...feel like I...need to be there to protect them. I know they can probably keep themselves safe, but…” “I already...technically lost someone I cared about… Almost lost another. I don’t want that to happen again.” He said.

Oscar knew that one of the people Jaune was referring to was Ruby. He assumed the blonde was also referring to Pyrrha. “How long until…?” The younger teenager asked, before the blonde shook his head. Jaune sighed, “No clue. Ruby and Summer did it to save her and not even THEY know when she’s come out.” He took a deep breath, before sighing again. “Gods, I hope it’s soon. The last thing I want right now is for her to be lonely.” He said. “Especially right now…”

Ren and Nora eventually joined the two, sitting next to both Jaune and Oscar. “How’s Ruby’s progress?” The blonde asked. The ginger shrugged, “Hard to say. She says she’s well, though I’m not sure if Oscar’s mom believes her.” “That’d be accurate.” The youngest of the group chuckled. “She has a way of knowing when people lie about their health.” Ren chuckled, “Yeah, that sounds like a mother… From what Ruby’s been saying, Summer’s also like that.”

“Thank gods…” Jaune sighed with a smile. “Speaking of which, how is Ruby’s mom?” He then explained, “She...seemed to be stressed a bit earlier when she asked for Ruby’s uncle.” The green clad teenager nodded, “She had a lot on her mind. From what little she said, she’s...been having nightmares again. Ruby too.” Ren then explained that Summer had a very important catch-up conversation with Anna. “I won’t ask her what they talked about…” He said. “But I did ask Ruby’s uncle why she needed him.”

“He said ‘She’s talking to Ruby’s dad about herself’.” The green clad teenager said. Oscar raised an eyebrow, “So...does that mean Ruby’s mom doesn’t need to hide her identity anymore?” Ren shrugged, “Hard to say, really. Though...from what could tell, she seemed...happy telling Ruby’s dad. Like her anxiety was dissolved.” The group nodded, before falling into silence. They...really didn’t want to talk about Pyrrha currently. Especially when there was no guarantee that they’d see her in their lifetime...

As if on cue, Qrow then walked in and stood next to the group’s table, saying, “Sorry for the intrusion, but Ruby’s on her way. Thought I’d let you know.” “Just...don’t freak out…” He chuckled, receiving confused glances from the group. “How come?” Oscar asked. “Why are you walking around!?” Jaune asked suddenly, queuing the group to turn towards Ruby...holding Summer’s arm as she attempted to stay standing.

“Dr. Pine suggested that I should walk a bit.” The young leader said with a sheepish smile. “Mom insisted on helping.” Both the blonde and Ren sighed with relief, before tiredly chuckling as Ruby glared at them. “You know damn well I’m not insane.” She said loudly, receiving a laugh from her uncle. “I tried telling her that I was probably not ready.” “To be fair, you are doing quite well.” Her mother said, smiling, only for it to fade as she lifted her daughter in her arms, while Ruby’s legs began buckling.

“Was…” Ruby corrected, giving a slight groan. Summer gave her daughter’s abdomen a quick once over. “Is it from your legs?” She asked, receiving a nod from the young leader. Ruby sighed, “I’m okay. Just weak in my legs… Not sure if they’re numb.” Summer raised an eyebrow, “Can you feel them?” Her daughter nodded, “A bit, yeah. Little chilly though…” ‘Well, there’s a good sign, at least…’ The elder Rose thought, sighing with relief. She then said, “Want me to get you a wheelchair?”

Ruby nodded, “Please.” Setting her daughter down in one of the chairs, Summer went off to find Anna and get a wheelchair. Sighing, the young leader pulled her legs to her chest, saying, “Sorry for making you worry there, but I promise I’m healing.” She took a deep breath, before admitting, “Unfortunately, my sleep patterns are NOT.” “Ah...so that’s why you’ve been looking drained.” Ren stated. Ruby grunted, “It’s been getting pretty bad recently.”

The group went silent as soon as they heard a rattling. Jaune then noticed that his shield had come off and had fallen to the floor...even though he was sure he had it secured to his back. A tired, yet genuine grin formed on Ruby’s lips, “Looks like she’s finally waking up, huh…” The blonde turned to her, “How do we know if Pyrrha will...remember us?” Ren and Nora turned to face the young leader, only to see a tired, regretful expression. “We do not.” She said.

As soon as she said that, a mix of yellow, red, and orange energy, in a form akin to that of fire, burst forth from the shield. It then swirled, forming a human body, hair, clothes, and armor, before stopping as the energy dissipated, revealing the form of Pyrrha Nikos, now on her knees. An uneasy silence settled as Pyrrha opened her eyes, taking a look at herself first, before observing her surroundings. “Am I...alive?” She asked, hesitantly. “Or are you all...dead as well…?”

Jaune and Ruby both let out a shuddering sigh as smiles formed on their lips, their right hands over their hearts. The redhead raised an eyebrow, concerned as she asked, “Is...everything alright?” “You’re here…” The blonde said, gently hugging his partner. “So yeah. Everything’s fine at the moment.” Pyrrha cautiously returned the hug, as if she didn’t know if this was real or not. “Where are we, Jaune?” She asked. “Mistral International Clinic.” Ruby answered. “I...kinda got screwed up…”

Pyrrha sighed with a smile as she and Jaune stood up, “I hope you’re listening to your doctor and taking care of yourself.” The younger girl nodded, “Yes, ma’am.” The redhead sighed, looking at her friends. “Looks like I have a lot to catch up, huh?” The newly revived teenager chuckled. “A little.” Ruby smiled sheepishly. “Mom will help out with what happened after…that…” Before Pyrrha could ask what she meant by “that”, everyone turned to the door as a chuckle was heard.

“Well, look who’s finally gotten out of bed.” Summer smirked, entering the cafe with a wheelchair. “I trust you’re feeling well?” The redhead nodded, smiling, “I am now. Thank you, Ms...um…” The former STRQ leader chuckled again, “You may call me Ms. Summer if you want. Finally told Ruby about me, so no need to hide it any longer.” She then put her cloak on Ruby, before lifting her and placing her in the wheelchair. Pyrrha nodded as Summer rolled Ruby up to the table, “I see. Thank you then. Both of you.”

She then raised her arm, “If I may ask, what did you mean by…’that’, Ruby?” Everyone froze, before sighing in unison. “Beacon’s been...practically destroyed.” The young leader admitted. “We...didn’t lose, I think. But we definitely...didn’t really win either.” Summer placed her hands on her daughter’s shoulders, saying, “We had to make a forced retreat.” “From what we know, none of the Grimm got outside of Beacon and the teachers are still active.” She explained.

“So why are we in Mistral…?” Pyrrha asked. “Ozpin had me do some investigating, due to Cinder’s forces being in Beacon.” Qrow explained. “Right now, the trail leads here.” He then raised a hand, “If you are wondering, yes. He’s still alive and currently speaking with Ruby’s doctor, Anna Pine.” The redhead sighed with relief, “That’s one less thing for me to worry about.” An amused smirk formed on Summer’s face, “Nah, you still got plenty to worry about and look after, thankfully.”

“I’d rather worry about a lot of things, instead of blindly think that everything’s going to work out.” She mumbled, unaware that Ruby and Qrow heard her. Her daughter began rubbing the taller woman’s hand as a means to comfort her. The redhead then turned to Oscar, saying, “I see I have a fresh face to meet.” “That Oscar Pine. Met him when we first arrived in Mistral.” Ruby chuckled. “He’s my doctor’s son.” The youngest of the group rubbed the back of his neck, shyly saying, “N-Nice to meet you, Ms. Nikos.”

An amused and flattered smile formed on Pyrrha’s lips, as she said, “Just Pyrrha is fine. It’s nice to meet you too, Oscar.” Summer hid her face in her daughter’s hair as she silently laughed, before whispering, “This kid is too fucking cute. I want to adopt him.” “You could ask Dr. Pine to be Oscar’s godmother.” Ruby whispered back excitedly. “His mom might kill me if I asked.” The former STRQ leader chuckled. Oscar then stood, “I’ll be right back. Mom needs to know that she might have another patient.”

The group chuckled as Summer ruffled the youngest member’s hair as he passed by. After he felt the room, the redhead said, “He’s a cute one. Like a little brother.” “He really is like that.” Jaune smiled. Pyrrha sighed, “It’s good to be home.” She looked at herself once more, noticing that she was armored, looking more like a spartan. She then asked, “Is the...new get-up normal?” The former STRQ leader nodded, “For most Weapon Spirits like us, yes. Arktis...or rather, Willow Schnee is the same.”

“Weiss’s mom, right?” Pyrrha asked, receiving a nod from Summer. “I think it suits you.” Jaune said, observing his partner’s armor. Nora grinned and nodded, “Ditto.” Ren smiled, nodding with a hum. The redhead blushed with a flattered smile, before feeling her partner’s hand holding hers. Squeezing Jaune’s hand gently, she then asked, “Well, would you like to tell me what’s been going on since getting to Mistral?” The group nodded, with Jaune saying, “Sure, though it...might be a little long.”

Pyrrha just chuckled, “That’s perfectly fine with me.”

As Pyrrha began catching up with her team, Qrow looked at Summer, whispering, “Can we talk in the hall? Please?” Raising an eyebrow, his former leader nodded, kissing Ruby’s forehead before following the former bandit into the hall. “What’s up?” She asked. Qrow sighed, “First, I need to apologize. For eavesdropping on you and Ruby last night.” ‘Ah...so that’s who it was…’ Summer thought, before saying, “Well, please explain your reasons and I will.”

Nodding, the former bandit said, “Which brings me to my topic. Firstly, you two need help.” “I’ve spoken to Anna about it when getting the wheelchair.” The taller woman said. “Believe me. I know we do.” Qrow nodded, hoping his sigh of relief went unnoticed by his former leader. “Secondly, you need to see and visit Tai and Rae.” He said. Noticing the tired and annoyed expression on Summer’s face, he added, “Summer, it’ll HELP you. And them as well, if I may add.”

The taller woman raised her hands in mock surrender, “I know, I know…” She then sighed, sitting on  the floor. “There’s one problem with that…” She said. Qrow nodded, “I’m aware. You can only really see Tai, as you know where he lives.” “Yang...might be able to help you with Raven.” He said, only to receive a shaking head from his former leader. Summer sighed once more, “Tai won’t talk to her about her mother.” ‘Of course, he won’t….’ The former bandit thought, rubbing his eyes.

“Do they even want me back?” Summer asked. “I’ve been...technically dead for almost 12 years now.” Qrow sighed, sitting next to his former leader as he said, “You know both of them missed you. Raven wants nothing more than to be by your side again and have us safe.” He felt the taller woman lean against him as he continued, “Tai nearly fell apart when he heard about your....’death’.” “Yang told me...” Summer mumbled. “Also said that you were able to help him get back on his feet.”

“Probably one of the only good decisions I’ve ever made.” The former bandit said. “I know Raven, you, and Tai would argue that I’ve done more good things.” “Because you HAVE.” Summer said. “You’ve realized that your tribe was awful and left. You’ve been a great uncle for Ruby and Yang. Hell, I think you’ve done more for Tai than I ever could...” “You flatter me, even though I don’t think the last two are true.” Qrow chuckled softly.

“Raven would say the same.” The former STRQ leader said. A small smirk rose to Qrow’s lips, “Yeah, she would. Much like how I tell her how many good things she’s done.” “That’s something you two need to work on.” Summer said. The former bandit hummed in agreement. The two sat like in comfortable silence, before Qrow said, “I’d be honored to be your brother-in-law.” A warm smile formed on Summer’s face as she chuckled, “Thank you, Qrow. I’d also be honored to be your sister-in-law.”

Chuckling, the former bandit patted his former leader’s shoulder, saying, “I’m going to get some coffee. Want some?” Summer smiled, “Please.” Nodding, Qrow went back into the cafe as the taller woman sighed with a tired, yet content smile on her face. Ruby then wheeled herself out, saying, “Mom, do you have my scroll? I need to text Yang, Blake, and Weiss, please.” Standing back up, Summer raised an eyebrow, “How come…?”

“I was thinking about possibly setting up a virtual meeting.” The young leader said. “Both as a means of checking up on each other and figuring out what to do next.” Nodding, her mother handed her the scroll, asking, “What time?” “How does the day after tomorrow sound?” Ruby asked. Summer nodded, smiling, “That sounds good to me. Though check with your sister and team first.” Her daughter nodded, before tilting her head. “Your right eye looks different.” She said.

“Like...your iris is silver again, but your sclera is red.” She explained. Summer raised an eyebrow, before Ruby took a picture with the scroll and showed it to her mother. Sure enough, the elder Rose noticed her right eye had changed. It was still Grimm-like, but it had her silver iris once more. ‘How the hell did THIS happen?’ She thought. ‘And when? Not to mention why...’ “I’m going to ask Anna about this later...” Summer said. “Right now, setting up that meeting is more important.”

Ruby nodded in agreement, before sending a group text to her sister, Weiss, and Blake...

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And that’s it. I REALLY tried to make this good. I really did. I had plans on bringing Pyrrha back, but this was hard to do. Though I hope it was worth it in the end.

Pyrrha’s new appearance is INSPIRED from this lovely artwork by Razenix-Angel on DA: https://www.deviantart.com/razenix-angel/art/Pyrrha-Nikos-armor-guide-581087124

Anyway, next will be the end of Side White, where Weiss becomes VERY vocal about her decisions.

[dettiot]

Fic: late-night interruption 3/?

late-night interruption 3/? Author: dettiot Rating: G (for now) Summary: When Obi-Wan receives a late-night comm from Sabé, he’s not sure what to expect. But what he learns will change many lives . . . and the fate of the Republic.

Also available on AO3!

XXX

Despite her high rank and all the honors she had achieved, Padmé Amidala had experienced plenty of pain in her life. Emotional pain was most prominent: when her planet was invaded, when her people gave their lives to protect each other and her. When she had to pretend former colleagues were no longer friends when their systems became part of the CIS. When she had to lie to her family and friends. When Cordé was killed. 

There had been physical pain, as well: trudging through the desert on Tatooine. Falling out of the transport on Geonosis. Being hungry and thirsty and exhausted to a breaking point. 

But none of those events had prepared her for childbirth. 

“Breathe, Senator,” Healer Gahan said, holding Padmé’s hand. She could feel the suction cups on the Mon Calamari’s hand as she squeezed it. “Easy does it, Senator,” she reminded her. 

“I--I’m trying,” Padmé panted, trying not to lose her temper. 

She felt like her body was being slowly split in half, inch by inch. The baby was insisting on coming now, so early--was it was too early? What if something was wrong? And worst of all, Anakin wasn’t here and Sabé hadn’t been able to make contact with him. 

Where was he? 

The contraction finally eased and Padmé slumped back against the pillows, letting go of Healer Gahan’s hand. “I’m sorry,” she said, moving both her hands onto her extended belly. 

“It’s quite all right, Senator,” the healer said, her large, glassy eyes shining. “Your body is under great stress. But everything is going well. I’m going to review some data from your file, and then take another look to check your dilation. All right?” 

Nodding, Padmé did her best to smile. “Thank you.” 

As the healer stepped out of the room, Sabé entered, her eyes immediately locking with Padmé’s. 

“Did you get through to Anakin?” Padmé asked quickly, lifting her head to hold her friend’s gaze. 

“Not directly,” Sabé said, stepping over and picking up a glass of water to hold it to Padmé’s lips. “Drink some of this.” 

She took a sip but wouldn’t let herself be distracted from the matter at hand. “What do you mean, ‘not directly’?” 

“Your suggestion about contacting Master Kenobi was a good one--he said he would alert Anakin himself and they would be here as quickly as they could. But it will probably be about five hours,” Sabé said, holding the glass to her lips again. 

Frowning, Padmé tried to push away the glass, but Sabé insisted, “Drink a little more and I’ll explain everything.” 

Rather than argue, since it would be useless to do so, Padmé drank some more and then looked at Sabé with an arched eyebrow. 

Her friend took a seat on the edge of her bed. “I told Master Kenobi that I needed to talk to Anakin, but he wouldn’t put me through to him. So . . . I told Master Kenobi that you needed him here, because the baby was coming.” Sabé paused, then said, “I also told him that you and Anakin are married.” 

Padmé stared at Sabé, before letting out a quiet groan. “What?”

“I’m sorry! I had no idea that Master Kenobi didn’t know--I didn’t think Anakin would have been able to keep such a big secret like being married from him, especially not once you were going to have a baby,” Sabé said, sounding equal parts regretful and annoyed. 

Sighing, Padmé lifted a hand to her forehead, covering her eyes. 

“I really am sorry, Padmé.” 

“I know you are,” she said, lowering her hand and reaching out to take Sabé’s. “It’s all right. I always thought Obi-Wan should have known, but Anakin wouldn’t hear of it.” 

“I wonder why,” Sabé said. 

With a shrug of her shoulders, Padmé took a deep breath as she felt another contraction gaining strength. “I don’t know. Whenever I encountered Obi-Wan before I got pregnant, I always thought he suspected something was going on between Anakin and I. But now he knows.”

“I don’t think he suspected anything like this,” Sabé said, gesturing towards Padmé’s stomach. “Although I think he was more surprised about the marriage, to be honest.” 

That was interesting, Padmé acknowledged to herself. But the pain gripped her body again, making her squeeze Sabé’s hand tightly, and all she could focus on was what was happening to her. 

Oh, Anakin, get here quickly . . . 

XXX

Getting jerked out of a sound sleep by his master wasn’t something that happened often to Anakin Skywalker. Well, no–Obi-Wan had woken him up plenty of times, when there was a battle at hand or a mission to leave for. But having his master’s feelings reach through their bond and shake him awake?

That was new. 

Waiting for Obi-Wan to reply to his comm felt like a lifetime. And his anxieties weren’t eased when he saw Obi-Wan, who looked pale even in the blue holo-display. 

“Obi-Wan? What’s wrong?” Anakin asked, leaning closer to the display as if it would make his master’s face easier to read. 

But then Obi-Wan spoke and Anakin felt like nothing made sense anymore.

“Your baby is coming and your wife wants you there.”

Padmé? The baby? Now? That--that couldn’t be good--it was so early--but the baby! The baby was coming! They’d find out if it was a girl or a boy and finally settle the argument he and Padmé had been having. 

But--but what about his nightmares? What if--what if Padmé was in danger? How could he save her if he was on a ship hundreds of lightyears away from her? He needed to get to her--now!

Suddenly, as if a bucket of ice-cold water was dumped over his head, the worry and fear and excitement was wiped away. Because it had just registered on Anakin exactly who had given him the most important news of his life. 

Obi-Wan knew. Obi-Wan knew that he had violated the Jedi Code. Not just violated--smashed into pieces. Which meant Anakin had disappointed the man who was the closest thing to his father, brother and teacher. The last person Anakin ever wanted to disappoint. 

And Obi-Wan was incredibly disappointed. Disappointed, worried, confused. But swamping all those emotions was the hurt. 

His master wasn’t one to reveal his feelings. Even in the Force, Obi-Wan kept himself under tight control. From his earliest days, Anakin had delighted in those times he could make Obi-Wan break his rigid discipline. When he was young, it was to get Obi-Wan to laugh--really laugh. As he grew older, Anakin pushed and prodded Obi-Wan to admit he agreed with Anakin on something. No matter what, Anakin treasured seeing the real Obi-Wan, not the perfect Jedi Master. 

Now he was really seeing his master for the man he was. And that man was incredibly hurt by Anakin’s actions. 

“Obi-Wan–” Anakin said, searching for the words to make this better. To make him understand that he hadn’t wanted to keep these secrets from him, but–but Obi-Wan wouldn’t have understood. After all--he was Obi-Wan Kenobi, the ideal Jedi. He gained his strength from the Force, he didn’t let his emotions sway him, he fought against attachment. He had walked away from the woman he loved for the sake of the Order. And he had watched that woman die and had just kept going, without pause . . . 

No, Obi-Wan wouldn’t have understood Anakin’s feelings.  

He would have understood, a voice in his head whispered. A voice that sounded like his mother.  

Before Anakin could mess up any more than he already had, Obi-Wan held up a hand. “Sabé contacted me when she wasn’t able to reach you. She said Padmé is receiving excellent care, but she wants you there for the birth of your child. I will alert the Council that a matter has arisen that you need to deal with. You can take the Resolute to Coruscant while I proceed back to the Outer Rim.” 

“Obi-Wan, you can’t--you’ll need the 501st in the next battle. I don’t need to take the Resolute, I can get on a shuttle and go by myself,” Anakin protested weakly, because he wasn’t sure what else to say. Not when Obi-Wan clearly did not want to talk about his feelings, even as those feelings were overwhelming his attempts at shielding. There was so much guilt and regret inside Obi-Wan . . . 

“I’m sure the Council will provide me with any necessary assistance,” Obi-Wan said. He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was slightly softer. “I will not tell them the reason for your absence.” 

Anakin swallowed. How many times had they been in this position? With Anakin letting down Obi-Wan by his choices? How many times had Anakin apologized and vowed to do better, both to Obi-Wan and himself? And yet, he kept making the same damn mistake over and over again, not trusting Obi-Wan, assuming his master, his father, would shun him for what he had done. 

Not trusting the Council, not trusting politicians--that made sense. They would punish him to exert their power over him. But would Obi-Wan really do the same? Anakin had lost track of the number of times he had thought about telling Obi-Wan the truth about Padmé, about the upcoming baby, but he had always held back. 

He had always been too scared to be honest with him. But maybe . . . maybe it was time to stop being so scared. Not when he knew--really knew--how Obi-Wan felt. 

For kriff’s sake, he was about to become a father. He--he needed to be better. And that had to start now. 

“Obi-Wan–I’m sorry–” he said, trying to inject as much sincerity into his voice as possible, only for Obi-Wan to interrupt him.

“I know you are,” Obi-Wan said, his voice still soft. “But that does not change your actions, and I . . . ”

His voice trailed off, a flash of emotion spiking through the hurt. Anakin felt his mouth go dry as he realized it wasn’t just hurt and guilt on the verge of consuming his master.

It was envy. 

Obi-Wan was envious of Anakin, for having what Obi-Wan didn’t have: a wife and soon a child. He had never realized his master might want those things, too. He thought Obi-Wan had made his peace with leaving Satine, had even accepted her loss, but . . . 

“Obi-Wan, I’m sorry I didn’t trust you–that I didn’t tell you about me and Padmé,” Anakin said quickly, the words pouring out of him, his face heating from the embarrassment and shame. “I just–I thought you’d be mad or upset and I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want to disappoint you. Or make you have to tell the Council how much I’ve messed up. But–but that was wrong of me, and I’m sorry, and–and you don’t have to tell the Council anything, I’ll comm them and tell them everything and I don’t care what happens, I’ll tell them you didn’t know anything about this, you’ll be safe, you’ll be–” 

“Like kriff you’ll do that!” Obi-Wan roared. 

XXX

The vehemence in his voice--the volume of his protest--surprised Anakin, Obi-Wan could tell. His padawan actually jerked back, shock washing through his Force sense.

To be honest, Obi-Wan was a bit surprised, too. Because this wasn’t the first time Anakin had stumbled over his words as he attempted to apologize for some action or another. There had been several times that Anakin had made promises, only to break them in the heat of the moment. But Obi-Wan knew that in Anakin’s judgement, his heart was always in the right place. 

But Anakin had never radiated such sincerity, such remorse, as he did right now. And the thought of Anakin throwing away everything in order to protect him . . . 

He couldn’t let him do that. 

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, rubbing a hand over his face. “Do you really think I could tell the Council what you’ve done and not fight for you to remain in the Order? I couldn’t. I would forgive you anything. And if you don’t realize that, if you don’t realize how proud I am of you, my brother . . . ” 

That was what hurt the most. That Anakin just assumed he would go to the Council, without talking to Anakin first. That he assumed Obi-Wan wouldn’t be able to forgive him for his mistakes and his choices. 

It hurt the most, and made Obi-Wan question everything that had happened since he began training Anakin. Made all those old insecurities and doubts and fears come to life again. And they were so strong, so powerful, he wasn’t able to hold them back behind the walls he had built within himself. 

Because . . . Anakin was married. He was about to have a child. And Obi-Wan hadn’t known any of it. Certainly had suspected Anakin of a partiality towards Padmé, but this? 

Was it part of being the Chosen One? To be able to make such choices, to be so certain he was doing the right thing? And was it part of being the merely competent Jedi that Obi-Wan was that when he was in the same position to make such choices, had made such a different choice--even though his heart was just as taken as Anakin’s?

“I’m sorry,” Anakin said, wiping at his eyes to brush away a tear. “I’m so sorry, Obi-Wan. I just . . . I was wrong. So wrong.” 

The guilt was rolling off Anakin in waves. It was exhausting, how much Anakin felt. Perhaps that was why Anakin was able to do what Obi-Wan couldn’t. He loved so much and so deeply, how could he attempt to hide it? 

Obi-Wan just felt so tired. Exhausted to a point where he couldn’t act like his normal self. 

“It’s all right, Anakin,” he promised him. 

Anakin shook his head. “No, it isn’t. We . . . we have a lot to talk about, I think.” 

“We do,” he said, nodding in agreement. “But . . . most of it will have to wait, of course.” 

“Until after the baby,” Anakin said, his face lighting up. It was all Obi-Wan could do not to covetously, vicariously live through Anakin’s emotions. Because that sweep of excitement and joy, with a bit of fear . . . it was enough to make Obi-Wan wonder what might have been. 

He felt so fragile. Like a fine ceramic with a hairline crack. With just the slightest amount of pressure applied in the wrong place, he might shatter, with no one to repair him. Because who would care to put back together a broken, tired Jedi like him? 

This was why he wouldn’t let himself think about his past. About all the choices he might have made and how those choices might have turned out. Because the thought of his life being better than what he had . . . it wasn’t proper for a Jedi to have such thoughts. They reflected too great an attachment to specific people, a lack of respect for the here and now . . . 

“You … you could tell the Council we both have a matter to attend to,” Anakin said quietly, hesitantly. Like he wasn’t sure what Obi-Wan’s reaction would be. 

He blinked, staring at Anakin’s blue-tinged expression. 

“So you could be there when the baby comes,” Anakin continued, taking a deep breath. “I would–I would really like you to be there, Obi-Wan.” 

Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair, feeling a knot in his chest loosen. Anakin wanted him there? Not out of pity or obligation, but . . . simply because he wanted him there?

“You would?” Obi-Wan asked softly, not sure he believed Anakin, even though he couldn’t read anything in him to make him discount his sincerity. “But . . . this is something for family . . .”

“I know,” Anakin said, looking him straight in the eye. “But you and Ahsoka and Padmé are my family. The Council can send anyone to the next battle--but right now, Padmé needs me. And I need you.” 

For once, Obi-Wan had no interest in hiding his reaction. He tilted his head to the side, smiling slowly, feeling like the bright light of hope was clearing up the dark clouds of hurt and doubt inside him. 

“You really mean that, Anakin?” he asked, because those dark clouds weren’t fully gone.

“I really mean it--of course I do, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said, smiling widely. 

“Then . . . yes, all right,” Obi-Wan replied, feeling the warmth of Anakin’s Force presence sink into his bones like the sun. 

And it felt so good. To be on the same wavelength as Anakin, for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever? Obi-Wan didn’t know. He just knew he liked this feeling. 

Perhaps he wasn’t as broken as he thought he was. 

“We need to contact the Council and inform them we need a leave of absence,” Obi-Wan said. “Rex and Cody can command the 501st and 212th just as well as we can.”

“Better,” Anakin said with a grin. “They’re not half as reckless as we are.” 

Letting out a quiet chuckle, Obi-Wan nodded in acknowledgment. “I’ll contact the Council. You can prep a shuttle and come over to pick me up.” 

“Sounds good,” Anakin said, his grin fading a little. “Hey, Obi-Wan?” 

“Yes, Anakin?” he asked, sensing a turn in Anakin’s mood. He was more serious, more resolved. 

“There’s . . . there’s something I wanted to talk to you about, on our trip back to Coruscant,” Anakin said slowly, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck. 

Before he could assure Anakin that he would be happy to listen and help, Anakin rushed on. “I’ve been having dreams about Padmé dying in childbirth.” 

End, Chapter 3

[crushaa]

Explaining the long break and how I got diagnosed with ADHD:

This is a post about mental health. There’s a TLDR at the bottom :) 

“Apply yourself, Cien. If you wanted to pass this class, you would be trying.” 

When I was 15, I got my tonsils out. I got the same kind of statement from a few friends and even family members; “Oh yeah, they used to take EVERYONE’S tonsils out! Even if they didn’t need it, it was the cure to everything. But now everyone’s got ADHD, so that’s the new trend.” 

Around the end of July 2019, I was running out of steam. I still had plenty of creative energy, but I couldn't understand why I wasn't able to work on anything anymore. The truth is that I knew I would hit another music block, and I wouldn't be surprised if anyone else expected it too. My posting history has always been very irregular, even back in high school with long unexplained breaks in between new songs. Knowing it would happen, I felt confident in my ability to tackle it and change my pattern of behavior.

I never thought it would last this long. With each month passing by I began to feel guiltier and guiltier, trying to find out why I couldn't do it. I'd sit in front of an empty FL Studio project for hours, and all my Paint Tool Sai canvases never had more than a few lines.  As the months went on, some pretty dramatic life events took place- various family deaths, 2 near death experiences myself, an abusive doctor. For whatever reason, I just could not recover. 

I used the tragedies as excuses as to why I couldn't do it. It would be reasonable to not be able to do anything. My antidepressants were definitely working for the first time in my life, but why couldn’t I work? I spent the New Year holiday feeling just as guilty and frustrated as ever…. I couldn’t do it anymore. I decided that I was going to go back to my doctors loaded with new theories and ideas as to what could possibly be wrong with me. It never occured to me to tell anyone I couldn’t write more than 2-3 songs in one year when it’s literally my job to write music. 

I began speculating the possibility of another psychiatric disorder, and that made me nervous. Would she think I was lying? Or faking it? I could no longer stand the treatment from the nurse practitioner who had been treating my psychiatric illnesses. I’d always been very uncomfortable with how she treated me, but she’d found the rare genetic disorder I had. I felt that I owed my progress to her and that I should stick it out. But I was still leaving her office in tears at the end of every session. An off color comment, passive aggressive reminders to take my medication, the feeling that I had no say in my own treatment plan… it was too much.  But she was the only one in town who was available to see me. So I went, and I was administered an MMPI by a psychiatrist in that same building. At the end of February, I’d get the results.  

The next appointment with her was the last time she’s ever going to see me. The results of the test had come in as inconclusive, and my world fell apart. She asked what I thought of the results, and I answered truthfully. I told her I was afraid that she saw me as a hypochondriac. 

“Well what if you are?” I didn’t answer. “Well, you are,” she went on with a cocky smile. 

She began to tell me it was my own fault. She told me I had brain damage. But it was fine, because she told me I could be treated for believing I was still sick. 

It affected me deeply, for days I couldn’t stop crying or eat a full meal. The guilt, frustration and embarrassment swallowed me whole; the problem was me. Of course I was making it up. I felt suicidal for the first time in 4 years. There was no point in trying anymore because I as a whole was defective. This world would be better off without a lost cause like me. 

I pulled myself out of this headspace for a while one day, and realized that a HEALTH CARE PROVIDER made me feel this way. 

WHERE WAS THE BRAIN SCAN, BITCH????

 All the guilt, embarrassment, shame- it morphed into a new red hot burning rage. I fired her immediately and revoked any permissions she had. I went to my primary care doctor and asked him to prescribe me my psychiatric medications while I looked for a new psychiatrist, to which he agreed. I asked him for an ADHD test, but he wasn’t comfortable doing it himself. He referred me to a psychiatrist with a 6 month waiting list who then tried to refer me to the abusive nurse practitioner. I set up the six month appointment wait and began to look into doctors in other towns.

On Monday, April 6th, I went to go see a different doctor for something completely unrelated and walked out with an ADHD (Inattentive type) diagnosis. And now less than a week later, everything about my life has changed. 7 long months of executive dysfunction came to an end in the 1 hour it took for the first half-pill to dissolve. Hot damn. 

It felt like everyone else in the world was allowed to use the sidewalk to get from place to place, but there was a rule that I had to dodge incoming traffic to get anywhere. Now, I can use the sidewalk too. I am relearning everything that I know. 

I am no longer ashamed that I have the GPA of a baked potato. I know that I am not lazy, I am not stupid, and this was NOT my own fault; I was sick and nobody knew. The signs were there, but how we view ADHD has changed entirely since I was a child! People still called it ADD. So why was it so hard to get diagnosed in this day and age?

The stigma has shifted into something far more dangerous than I’ve ever realized it was. I don’t hear “I have ADHD OO SHINY” jokes anymore, you know? We believe it to be a grossly overdiagnosed behavioral disorder meant to punish children for having a lot of energy. We wave it off, calling it the new tonsil removal surgery trend. Of the three types of ADHD; Predominantly Hyper-Impulsive, Predominantly Inattentive (that’s me!), and Combined Type; a mix of the two, there tends to be more stigmatized attention towards the hyper-impulsive type. We believe in what we see, breaking the first rule of mental illness: Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. 

This leaves those suffering from both inattentive type and combined type to rot. Attention deficiency itself doesn’t have much of a stigma because it isn’t even seen as having a seat at the ADHD table. This is catastrophic and will continue to destroy lives because people don’t feel hyper enough to even consider that they might have ADHD. In turn, those who are told to try harder, apply themselves, stop procrastinating, and to stop being so lazy do not receive the proper care they need. Those who suffer without treatment get worse over time; they lose confidence in themselves, they don’t start new things in fear of the inability to finish, they break promises to friends and family with the inability to follow through, damaging important relationships beyond repair. 

My confidence has been shattered. I was the artist who failed art class. College was never an option because I knew I’d go straight back to failing every class I took. I feel like I am a burden and the token “lost cause” of my family, the one everybody worries about because I’m not right in the head. I’ve grown to become a reclusive, bashful adult who struggles to make and answer phone calls and emails. ADHD devastated my life in deeper ways than my OCD, my PTSD, my anxiety or depression ever could. 

The number of diagnoses are going up because we can recognize it better. This is not a bad thing- science is evolving to show possible causes of the disorder itself. We know not to smoke while pregnant anymore, we know not to eat and drink high fructose corn syrup, we know not to sit in front of blue light screens all day, and we’ll continue to learn.

As soon as I started my medication, I was able to start taking care of myself and working again. The symptoms of my other mental illnesses began to let up, and I felt like a human being for the first time in my life. I have control over my own emotions- I can walk on the sidewalk with everyone else, I am free. 

However, it’s going to take the rest of my life to unlearn the methods I came up with to perform basic self-care functions. It will take many years to gain confidence in myself, to make phone calls without shaking or to even consider the thought of college, potato grades and all. But my mindset has transformed from “I can’t” to “Maybe I could try,” --a first for me. 

Question everything, don’t settle for the minimum, and don’t stop fighting. Thanks for reading this post. I'm hard at work on Propaganda part 2 and hope to post it on May 31st. See you then :-) 

TLDR: ADHD destroyed my life in ways my depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses never could. The stigma surrounding ADHD is shifting to become more dangerous than it has been in the past.  

We live in a society.

[jessicajonesrp]

Up in ashes

The night out didn’t last much longer after Phillip left. Trish soon after also made some sort of comment about needing to head home, gave Luke and Jessica hugs good bye, and departed. Jessica was persuaded to close out her tab a while later and to go home with Luke without too much protest. In fact, she was in a pretty good mood as she and Luke made their way back to their place. Now that she was somewhat drunk and had managed to finally engineer her brother and sister meeting, in her mind, they must now both surely see and understand how important they both are to her. Surely, since Jessica loves them both so fiercely, they must like each other too, now that they had met.

At least, in drunk mindset, and without the benefits of being able to look back on the night with a sober mind, Jessica is pretty convinced of this. Maybe more because she wants to be than because there’s any evidence to support it.

She sleeps in the next day and as she has shut off the sound of her phone, missed the several calls and texts she received from Trish until she had already showered, had coffee, and dressed for the day. Seeing the growing level of anxiety in Trish’s demands for her to call her, she called her back, somewhat amused.

“I’m alive, don’t you think Luke would probably let you know if I somehow had managed to die in between last night and tonight? What is the problem, you literally saw me like ten hours ago.”

“Some people actually are awake in the morning, and plugged into the world enough to know local current events,” Trish informed her, the relief in her voice not masking her anxiety. “The building your old office is in was evacuated late last night because of a fire, Jess. No fatalities reported, just some hospitalizations for smoke inhalation, but still, I was worried. You were talking about going to get stuff from there last night, for all I know, you and Luke both went and wound up in the hospital!”

“Well, you could have called and asked,” Jessica said absently, but she’s gone still, her mind whirring. Another fucking fire, and it just happened to be her office building? What the hell was going on?

“I did,” Trish said emphatically. “I asked if Jessica Jones and Luke Cage had been admitted, and I told them I was Trish Walker, and all I got was a lecture about patient privacy and how pretending to be a celebrity wouldn’t get any rules broken. I almost came to your doorstep.”

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t because my head is killing me, even if smoke didn’t,” Jessica muttered. “I’m fine, Trish. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, but be careful, Jess. I have to say it even though I know you won’t listen. I love you.”

“Yeah,” Jessica said vaguely, avoiding repeating the words. Even as she hung up and grabbed one of her jackets, shoving her arms in her sleeves, her thoughts were going in a thousand directions. It didn’t seem possible that this was just a coincidence, but maybe it was. Her building didn’t exactly have a great reputation, as Luke had pointed out. Plenty of people residing in it smoked, accidental fires from cigarettes against furniture or an oven mitt dropping on a stove could happen. Somehow, though, the dread in her chest made her doubt this.

It seemed to take far too long for her to get to the building by subway, especially with her head throbbing. She kept her head down and her body language as standoffish as possible as she walked with hurried steps towards the building, which she could see was not roped off by police tape or anything of that nature. It all looked fairly intact to her, no visible damage that she could see. Was it possible that Trish was wrong?

As she went inside the ground floor, where the landlord’s office was and tenants went to pay rent, report complaints, and deal with other apartment-related issues, she immediately could smell the lingering smoke and realized that Trish had not been wrong. Not bothering with small talk, she went straight up to the landlord and asked him pointedly, “What happened last night, where was the fire?”

He raised his eyebrows, taken aback. “Would have thought you’d have those answers, seeing as it was your apartment it happened in. Figured you took off, you being like you are. You telling me you weren’t there? Well whoever caused the fire, or however it happened, they better be damn glad no one got killed, and that someone called it in before the damage got past your rooms. You’re gonna have to find another place though, Jones, that one’s not exactly livable anymore. And don’t even think of gipping me off this month’s rent, and you can forget getting any deposit back either.”

Jessica was barely listening. She was already bolting towards the staircase, barely able to take in the man’s words. By the time she reached her floor and saw the badly blackened door of apartment and almost choked on the much thicker smell of smoke still lingering in the air, she had to recognize that he had not been screwing around in what he told her. Somehow, without her being there any time recently, and with no one but herself and the landlord having a key, her apartment had managed to catch fire.

Clinching her jaw, lifting her scarf over her nose to block out the smell, Jessica kicked the door in, immediately noticing that the man had not exaggerated when he said the apartment was not longer inhabitable. The walls, floors, and furniture were charred as though exposed to a brief but very intense heat, some of her belongings in ashes or melted chunks on the singed floor. Jessica’s stomach flipped as she saw that the damage included the laptop containing the vast majority of her work on her current case, as well as the video footage from the garage- now completely unable to be viewed.

In all the building, twelve floors total, how could it be that only her apartment was affected- with no one inside to start the flames? Just who or what the hell was it they were dealing with?

 

[ashleyswrittenwords]

Helloo Just read your Modern Au zelink where link is zeldas bodyguard and boiii is so sexy. Could you write more about this fic?? Like how Link and Zelda started their affair??

UHHH YEAH! I love that AU too. I’ll write a little prequel that I’m sure will end up being so much longer than intended. 

Okay, so I made it much longer than intended. You asked where they started and this is it! It’s not M rated yet because their romance sparks a little more innocently before there’s a real fire.

I’m saying there’s a sequel to the prequel lmao.

If you want to read: The Queen and Her Bodyguard

—

It started with her most dreadful day of the year.

“My Queen! Your signature is required for the balloons.”

She feigned a polite smile.

“Your Majesty, please consider these final touches. It’s imperativethat the kitchen runs infallibly.”

“Queen Zelda, the press needs a statement regarding-”

Her cheeks held a pain only people who have been faking smilesall day could own. Hands massaged her jaw in a way that said, “Rest now, itwill surely be worse tomorrow.” With the weight of her head sinking down heavieronto her hands, the base of her elbows grew sore from biting into the mahogany desk.Vaguely she could hear Impa rattling off the press releases for this evening andtomorrow morning, but her eyes kept drawing to the corner of the room –continuously finding it empty. The idea of pulling off a disappearing act soundedmore and more handsome by the hour, although her fingers found the weighted penwaiting idly by her side and scribbled down shorthanded notes.

Impa was smiling in that motherly way of hers as she set downa copy of papers and a tumbler of hot tea. “If any of my words found their way toyou, then we are better off tomorrow than I thought.”

“What a relief.”

The woman bid her goodnight and left the door open as she spokehushed words to someone outside. They didn’t reach the queen and she didn’t care.The papers towering on her desk could may as well be an assassination attemptat this point. Without thinking, she grabbed the tumbler and took a sip of thetea inside, promptly burning her tongue. A sound that was between a his and acurse cut through.

“Are you alright, Your Majesty?” a voice came from the headof the room, leaving her to look up with panic.

Much to her relief, it wasn’t another advisor nor Impa. Linkstood at the door and closed it with hesitation. She nodded at his concern, helda hand to her mouth and held up the tumbler with the other for emphasis. “Yes,thank you,” she finally said, albeit numbly.

Zelda sank evermore into her hands and poured over the documentsfor some sense of organization. Daylight had long died in Castle Town, but thatdid not stop the nightlife that followed. Hylians found any excuse to party andthe eve of their queen’s birthday was far from an exception. There was plentyof sounds outside that drew her away from focusing.

“It’s just one thing after another today, isn’t it?” shemurmured to herself, looking up at her bodyguard who was taking turns about theroom. He hummed in agreement as he looked at the trinkets he has seen a thousandtimes before. Relenting to her distractions, she looked from her pile of papers,“How was the security briefing? I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”

Tiredness had sunk into her words and along with it her bodyto the chair. It caught his attention. She could pretend everything was fine,that the late hours these last two weeks weren’t affecting her. It was somethingshe was good at, but even her best fronts were saw through by him. Link pulledaway from a picture from a charity event a year ago and caught his worn old notebookbetween the crook of his arm and his elbow. Inside it were her own plans for theweek alongside his, but he rarely deviated from her own.

He shrugged, shoving his hands into the pockets of his graydress pants. “It went smoothly. Everything is accounted for,” he offered a weaksmile, “Most of it technicalities you shouldn’t need to worry about.”

It made her roll her eyes. They both knew it was a five-hourmeeting discussing all possible security threats to herself and any of the nobility.He headed it himself, going over all sectors of defense and assuring protocolswere being adhered to. As he stepped closer, she could see the circles underhis eyes had darkened.

Zelda felt guilty.

“Have you considered my offer for the Gala?” she questioned,wondering if that suit were one she’s seen before. Drawing in the warmth of hertumbler and her knees into the seat, the woman attempted to look innocent.

He pursed his lips, looking from her to the window behind her.“Yes, and my answer is the same,” he paused on her curled form. Sleep deprivationsurely did not stifle the shocking blue of his eyes. Somehow without shame, itmade her want him to look at him more. He took another step across the room,fingers trailing the surface of her desk as he peered over, “Are those sweatpants?”

Like a gunshot, she dropped her legs from the chair and aflush crept up her neck, “Tell no one!”

Intrigue forced his lips to quirk upward as he rounded the desk,“Did you stuff them in your briefcase? What would Lady Impa think?”

“Yes, and she’llnever have to think because she won’t know,” she said indignantly up at him, “I’min this damned office all day. It makes no difference!” Although, changing underthe desk midday was a bit of a feat.

He snorted and she sat straighter, bracing the side of thechair to speak demandingly. “What if I double your pay? Come on, Link. I’masking you not to come to work!”

At this, the man grasped the back of her chair and smiledlazily down at her, “What kind of lousy bodyguard isn’t there during his charge’sbusiest days in public? Not to mention being a horrible friend for missing yourbirthday.”

It didn’t matter how valid his points were, she glowered atthe man. “You look exhausted.”

“And you,” he pulled the chair out despite her protests, “looklike you’re about to fall asleep.”

“I’m fine!”

“You almost started crying because you burned your tongue.”

“But-!”

Link reached around her for her tumbler and briefcase,stopping only to look her in the eyes, “Zelda, please. For your own wellbeing.”His face was stern and made her look away. Zelda stiffly nodded and followed himto the door where she took the lead. Her guard rarely said her name like that. Asthey began the long walk to the east wing, she turned slightly.

“Would you stay home if I threw in-”

“No,” he said before remembering where they were beforeadding, “Your Grace.”

She knew he was only worried, but that didn’t stop her fromdrawing her arms to her chest and feeling like a fool for arguing. “You know,”she started, “I wish you’d say my name more.”

He did his habitual scan of the halls and came to her with alook of confusion, “What do you mean?”

Their usual walk of comfortable silence felt tainted. “Youonly say it like that when you want me to do something,” Zelda frowned. She wasused to people using her for things. Only developing relationships for personalgain, and although she knew it wasn’t Link’s intention… it did bother her.

Link didn’t respond right away. He fell in behind her stepsas he usually did and it only churned the anxiety in her stomach. Nothing butone thing could go wrong tomorrow. The queen had three speeches prepared and theentire guest list in her back pocket.

“You’re not telling me something,are you?” he said it more like a statement than a question. They were coming upon her quarters now. Zelda thought about going through those doors and leavinghim without his answers. Instead, she stopped and turned to find him carefullywatching her.

“I have reason… to believe thatPrince Harrington will propose at the Gala,” the words spoken aloud made her nauseous.The only other person who had an inkling of what was going on was Impa, who wasalready writing up press statements for every possible scenario. Lady Midna hadcalled her last night to warn her and Zelda knew her sources were credible.

Link was carefully trying to readher. They’ve had many conversations about the man, mostly about his annoyinghabit of letting the media know his whereabouts whenever he visited the castle.He had proposed before in private and every time she let him down gently. But hewas also amongst her most viable suitors and a marriage like that would be verystrategic for Hyrule.

“Are you ready for something likethat?” his voice was calm, which differed greatly to her amassed concerns. Linkwatched her hand tighten around the other.

“It’s not the most ideal birthdaypresent,” Zelda tried to laugh.

He took her hand in his to stop itfrom prying the other off her wrist. The days felt like they were getting longerand summer brought along its own complications. They both knew that if she didget married there was no telling how different things would be. Zelda didn’tlike the thought of Link leaving her side and she entertained the thought thathe felt the same.

She stared down at their shoes, findinghim closer than she previously realized. Zelda wore fuzzy black slippers and hewore dark leather dress shoes.

He cracked into a smile, “How didI miss the slippers?”

“I have a charming disposition,”she jested, putting her hand on the door handle. “It’s distracting.”

“You do,” Link said in a tonethat drew her in all over again. “Makes it rather difficult to do my job.”

She smiled and felt her cheeksgrow warm.

“You deserve to be happy,” he suddenlyasserted, turning her hand over in his.

She expected him to pull away andleave her with a goodnight, but he didn’t. They stood together and she didn’t wantto leave quite yet. “I want you to be happy, Zelda,” Link’s grasp on her tightenedjust so she would notice. His eyes were gentle and genuine as he looked at her.If she weren’t what she was born into, she would let herself fall into that bluecolor. If that were true, she would give into whatever she was feeling rightnow and ask him to run away with her. If that were right, she would let him makeher happy.

But it wasn’t.

Even so, she let him pull herinto a hug. His arms encircled her and she met the collar of his gray jacket. Hesmelled like the musky scent of his cologne and something that was distinctlyLink. She wondered if his whole apartment smelled like this or if there was anyonewaiting for him. “Thank you,” she muttered against him, “but whatever decisionI make won’t be for myself.”

At that, his arms tightenedaround her and she wondered if she asked him to hold her like this every nighthe would do it. One night would be fine, she thought. One night would mean theworld. The thought made her chest tighten and her lip to tremble in a way a queen’slip should never. Zelda bit down on her lip and sniffed, burying her head deeperinto his chest.

“I’m sorry I’m keeping you up,”she said, pulling away despite her screaming want.

“Don’t be.” Blue eyes. All shecould see was blue. He brushed a tear from her cheek.

She couldn’t make sense of it.Link was already so close and when she leaned onto the tips of her slippers, hemet her halfway. His lips moved against her and his hand found her shoulder. Hebreathed her in and her heart pounded in her chest. Link pulled back after acouple long moments, wide eyed and confounded.

Zelda’s lips stumbled in betweenan apology and a goodnight as she fumbled for the door. Not even bothering tograb her things at the door, she closed it behind her.

[bananxjin]

Trophy Wife || 4

↦ Coworker!Seokjin x Reader

↦ WC: 8,839

↦ Drama || Angst || Fluff || Slow Burn

↦ Trigger Warnings: Swearing, Light verbal abuse

↦ Tagged: @lysannnnaa​

↦ Summary: You thought you knew what you wanted – You were sure you knew what you wanted. You thought the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage with your fiance, Touru Kim; the love of your life, the future father of your children, and the man of your dreams, but things happen. Events begin to unfold, and the relationship falls apart. You see the true colors of your husband-to-be, and you realize that maybe he’s not what you built him up to be. With everything laid out in front of you, you knew the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage.

Just not with Touru.

(A/N: I’ve never been to a BT21 store, but I treated it like a mock build-a-bear in this one, okay? Just humor me.)

✨ Masterlist ✨

“How would you feel if I went back to nursing school?”

You asked meekly, peeking in from the archway at your fiance, who’s hunched over on the couch, working away on his laptop. He stops abruptly upon hearing your question. Without even looking up from the screen, he responded, “Do you even need to ask me that question? You know exactly how I feel.”

You swallowed your anxiety as he resumed typing away. You’re allowed to ask for the things that you want, and he needs to accept that. “It’s just something that was really important to me, and I’d hate to just give it up.” You sighed, walking closer with your hands clasped behind your back. “It would be beneficial to our children even if I never made a career out of it, and--”

Touru forcibly slammed his laptop shut, making the glass coffee table shudder beneath the sudden force. He stood abruptly and stalked over, towering over you with a look of intimidation in his eye. “I am not discussing this with you right before we have to attend this fucking business dinner with my father.” He hissed, emphasising the swear word. “I’ve already told you plenty of times, we are on a set path to having a financially stable family life, and when we have our children--”

He didn’t miss how you leaned away from him. Pressing your back into the archway, visibly shaken. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath before presenting to you a strained smile. “You don’t ever need to worry about working, sweetheart. I’m able to supply us with everything we’d ever need, just… Please trust me.”

It took everything in you to hold back the hurt you’re feeling; the tears of frustration from being misunderstood. It was never a question of whether or not you had to or even wanted to work. It was something that was so utterly important to you; something you felt like you had to do for your own sake, but it’s like he’s never understood that. Never cared enough to hear you out or even try to understand why it would be something that you want. Even though he was there for you after it all happened, did he just expect you to leave it all in the past?

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” You nodded, giving him a small smile. Part of you couldn’t help but blame Jin for this one. For him to instill this hope in you to go back to school and get your degree, but the other part was telling you it was your own, stupid decision to bring it up to Touru once again. You’ve known from the getgo where Touru stood. Even if it felt nice having Jin’s support, it wasn’t the support you needed to get you where you wanted to go.

Would things be different if you were marrying Jin?

You frowned at the thought. Although it’s not very fair to Touru, you still couldn’t help but wonder. You already knew Jin seemed to support you unconditionally -- For now, at least. There’s still so much about Jin that you don’t know. What if the way he acts is all a facade? He could be a completely different man behind closed doors, and you’d be none the wiser until it was too late. How could you ever compare him to Touru as a lover?

Jin is such an open book. You’re fooling yourself if you think anything about his personality is less than sincere.

You’re brought back to that lunch you had with him at the bistro. The smile he’d adorned while you sat there and gushed over Touru like he was God’s gift to you. Who are you kidding? He’s not the kind of person to hide anything from anyone. If anything, he’s the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, and you have no doubts he’s going to make a wonderful husband someday. Hell, he’s not even yours, and yet he puts you on a pedestal like he would a lover. He didn’t scorn you when you told him you enjoyed the song that seemingly annoyed him, nor did he ever brush any of your concerns off, and the way he held onto your every word…

The way he stared at your lips…

Ogled you like he was longing for your attention. Your kiss.

“What if I wanted to kiss you in here?”

You sniffled suddenly, bringing your fingertips to your cheek. When did you start crying? More importantly, why were you crying? You scolded yourself for even thinking in such a way about Jin and immediately put those thoughts to rest. Touru’s right. You knew how he felt about you going back to school; you’ve known how he’s felt from the beginning, and it’s unfair of you to try and change the path you’re already on. You should try to support him more--

“Hey!” Touru’s voice carried from down the hall, causing you to jump.

You shook your head no. “I’m fine! I’m gonna go get dressed.” And with that, you escaped the living room before Touru could make any further comments. You didn’t miss the heavy sigh when you slipped past him.

“Yeah?”

“You need to start getting ready soon. We’re leaving in an hour -- Are you crying?” His voice was tinged with annoyance when he poked his head back into the living room.

__

Dinner was less than uneventful. For you, anyway.

Touru and his father felt like they were miles away as they discussed the finer details of their newfound business deal, a small pile of papers and manila folders had been shoved into one of the empty chairs once the food arrived. Touru sat beside you while his parents and his sister, April sat on the opposite side of the table. Mrs. Kim was wrapped up in a conversation with her daughter. You weren’t listening too much; Mrs. Kim mentioned loving the restaurant and how she wanted to take April back to Paris with her after Christmas ended, and April seemed thrilled at the idea.

Mrs Kim made some effort to indulge you in conversation when you all had first arrived. She asked about your mother, a touchy subject seeing as how they got off to a pretty rough start. Then she asked you if you were still working, “in that fast food job you love so much”, to which you had to correct her.

“But to answer your question, I am still working there! And I’m enjoying it quite a bit!” You responded with a bubbly tone. Mrs Kim hummed and took another sip of her wine while April regarded you with a look of disgust.

Suffice to say, spending time with Touru’s family was no walk in the park. Of course, his father held no real interest in you. He saw you as nothing more than the woman on his son’s arm who would provide him a healthy family. Really, as long as you didn’t try to deflect the family business in any way, Mr. Kim had a “Positive” outlook on you.

Mrs. Kim on the other hand, was a little harder to please. She didn’t think you were a good fit for her son. Her critique has never been short of harsh, be it on what you wear, what you eat, and on the rare occasion, the way you speak. You and your mother did well with what you had after you lost your father, but for your future mother-in-law, that wasn’t enough.

She’s only ever met your mother once, when you were nineteen -- Shortly after Touru had proposed to you. You knew how she could be, but you thought it’d be nice if they met each other before the wedding. You had even hoped they could become friends, but it was all in vain.

You could almost feel your mothers thinning patience from the kitchen. “My husband died three years ago.” She sighed. “The nurses did as much as they could to help him, but--”

**

“You live in such a small house! Does your husband not provide much of an income?” She wondered aloud.

“What about your husband’s health insurance? His life insurance? None of his expenses could’ve been covered under those?”

“The nurses?” Mrs. Kim spat, “Do you mean those Mediheal government nurses?”

Your mom hesitated, “Yes. That’s all we could afford.”

“His work didn’t offer him any of that. We got by with what we could, but it wasn’t enough.”

When you came back just seconds later with fresh tea, you could tell by the look on your mother's face she really didn’t appreciate Mrs. Kim standing in her house, much less the attitude she’d been met with, but she bit her tongue and suffered through it. For you.

The tension only got worse as the night went on. You were standing in the kitchen making dinner when you heard the telltale screech of your mother's temper.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Money Bags! But aside from money, what can your son provide for my daughter?!” She demanded. “Is he going to make her happy? Is he going to be good to her?! Money and family be damned! How can I expect him to be a good father to my grandchildren if he can’t even be a good husband to my daughter?”

“How dare you speak to me like that!”

You nearly dropped the hot pot on the floor as you set it down to rush back into the living room. Touru tried to defend himself, telling your mother, “I love your daughter, how can you say that about me?!” but Mrs. Kim had shoved him away, telling him to stay out of it. You did your best to defuse the situation, trying to make things right again, but the damage had been done.

Mrs. Kim had all but dragged Touru out of your house, slamming the door behind her. Your mom was fuming, fists clenched at her sides. “Mom--”

“I will not stand for you to marry into that family! That woman is a walking nightmare if I’ve ever seen one!” She yelled, stomping into the kitchen. You followed her, speaking quickly to try and calm her down, but there was nothing you could say to make the situation right.

“Do you even know what she said about you?!” She screeched, “What she said about my daughter?! My pride and joy?!” Tears brimmed at her eyes. “I heard her, (Y/n). Heard her with my own two ears! She had the audacity to ask that son of hers if he was sure about you! How you can’t give him anything aside from children!”

You felt tears brimming your own eyes. Not so much at her comments, but the fact that it had hurt your mom so badly to hear this stranger talk like that about her offspring. “Mom, it’s not a big deal. I don’t care what Mrs. Kim thinks about me--”

“Well I do!” She screamed. “You just expect me to sit back and listen to that -- That bitch talk about my daughter like she’s nothing?! Nothing more than a machine that bears babies for her ungrateful prick of a son!?”

**

It had only been the tip of the iceberg. You thought things would get better as time went on, but the rift in your relationship with your mom only grew bigger, and your relationship with Mrs. Kim never grew any stronger.

Finally, there was April. Touru’s little sister. God, when you met her, you did everything you possibly could to be good to her. Everything in hopes of becoming her friend, but she vehemently disregarded your every attempt through and through.

You practically begged Touru to let you attend her high school graduation last year. You bought her a giant teddy bear with her graduation year eloquently knitted into the belly and a graduation cap on his head, and you bought a big bouquet of red roses to tuck between his arms.

You stood off to the sidelines with the rest of the families absolutely overjoyed, filled to the brim with excitement. You grew up an only child, so you never really got to celebrate anything like graduations or birthdays with anyone aside from friends. Of course, all of your friends graduated the same year as you, so you were more than happy to celebrate April’s with her.

April had walked up to you and the rest of her family with a small smile on her face as her parents pulled her into a loving hug, giving her praise and congratulating her. She turned to you, looking a little less enthusiastic until you held the gift out to her. “Congratulations on your big day!” You yelled with excitement.

And for the first time, it felt like she actually gave you a real, genuine smile. Pulling the bear close to her and pulling the roses from his arms so she could sniff him. “Oh. Thank you, (Y/n).” She responded softly. “You… You really didn’t have to do this.”

“But I wanted to!” You responded. “This is a big deal for you, and I wanted to be here to support you!” You couldn’t help yourself as you pulled her into a hug. She stiffened underneath you, but at least attempted to hug you back. She was still smiling at you even after you pulled away. You really felt hopeful that your guy's relationship would actually improve.

The family had dinner reservations after the graduation, but they had to wait just a little longer since you needed to use the bathroom before you guys left. As you were heading out of the school to meet Touru in his car, you found the graduation bear, haphazardly stuffed in one of the garbage cans, and the roses had been dropped on the ground. It stung, but you never brought it up to her, or Touru. Hell, he probably watched her do it.

You frowned at the realization that you’ve never been able to really hit it off with Touru’s family. You wondered to yourself if they’d ever welcome you. You didn’t expect them to treat you like a daughter-in-law, or even a friend! Just treat you with some respect, was that asking for too much?

Jin’s family probably isn’t even half as rude as Touru’s family.

You took another sip of your wine as your thoughts were overrun with your coworker. You wondered what he’s doing; if he’s enjoying his evening. Perhaps he’s actually on a date tonight. Or maybe he’s just spending his night alone at that bar…

What if he met someone at that bar? What if he took her home?

You visibly cringe as thoughts of him with another woman crossed your mind. Luckily, everybody’s so wrapped up in their own conversations that they didn’t seem to have noticed your awkward movements, or the way you’re living in your head when you should probably at least try to socialize with the family.

You rolled your eyes to yourself. They don’t want to talk to you, you think. Jin would want to talk to you if he were here. He’d be sitting across from you like he was at the bistro, gazing at you with those warm, brown eyes. Telling you stories of his childhood and trying to take peeks into your personal life, or whatever you’d offer him.

You’re overcome with a tingly feeling in your hands; in your lips. This place is so much fancier than that bistro. If Jin were here with you, it would actually be a date; nothing platonic about it. You couldn’t help but wonder what Jin would look like all dressed up. Sure, he dressed nice for work, but nothing fancy. Something you couldn’t fathom Jin doing.

The idea of him wearing a tuxedo? Or even just a nice white button up while sitting across from you with those hooded eyes and million dollar smile -- All of that just for you. The very thought alone sent a wave of heat over your whole body. He’d be all dressed up to take you out on a date like this. Instead of a table, he’d probably opt for the more private intimacy of a booth. Halfway through the dinner, he’d move to the other side so he could sit beside you. Running his hand up your bare thigh and pressing liquor infused kisses to your neck. Afterwards, he’d drive you back to his place where the two of you can be alone. Where he can trap your chin between his fingers like he did that one night. Maybe pin you against the wall, and--

Oh, god! What’s wrong with you?!

You took another, long sip of your drink. Rubbing your thighs together in a failed attempt at calming yourself down. You must really be losing it lately. Either that, or you’re just severely touch-starved. Fantasizing about your friend taking you while you’re sitting at a nice dinner with your fiance's family?

It’s his fault, you thought to yourself. What right did he have putting these thoughts in your head? None of this would’ve happened if he hadn’t teased you in the stockroom like he did. You’d love nothing more than to put that memory to rest, but you just couldn’t. The way his hand caressed your hip, or how he eyed your lips like they were his last meal. Neither of you have brought it up since, but you can’t escape it. It keeps you up at night. Everytime you close your eyes, all you can see are those pink lips. All you can hear is his ragged breathing, and his voice whispering, “What if I wanted to kiss you in here?” Deep, husky, and right in your ear.

Asshole.

You wondered if he really wanted to kiss you, or if he was just taking the piss. Something that you’ve been more and more curious about, however…

‘How do I feel about it? Am I developing feelings for Jin?’

Even now, spending an evening with your lover and his family -- Weren’t you supposed to be enjoying this time together? You’ve racked your brain time and time again, and no matter how you looked at it, you couldn’t find a single thing to be happy about tonight. Not the food, nor the company. In fact, any dinner or outing you’ve ever been to with Touru’s family has been downright uncomfortable.

No matter how much you didn’t want to admit it to yourself, you found yourself desperately missing Jin’s company. Missing his dumb puns, or the way he’d danced outside the cafe. Even remembering the way he smiled down at you when you restrained him…

His stupid smile.

‘Have I really been harboring feelings for him this whole time?’

You’re so caught up in your own thoughts that it took you a moment to register the messy head of black hair up by the bar. He’s turned away from you, clearly talking to one of the bartenders and fidgeting with the tie on his apron, but that hair… Those broad shoulders…

No, your mind screamed. That can’t possibly…

That is not the one person you’re missing right now. Not now.

Slowly inhaling through your nose and exhaling from your mouth, you pulled your phone out with a shaky grip, but for what? A distraction? A confrontation perhaps?

You considered texting Dahyun for help, but what’s she supposed to do for you? You’re nearly two hours away from home and you don’t know where you’re at. You can’t even say the dumb French restaurants name, let alone spell it out.

Maybe you should confront Jin. Just shoot him a simple text asking him where he’s at; what he’s doing. It’s not like you’ve been thinking about him for the last twenty minutes. You could even play it off like, “Hey! Just saw your doppelganger at this restaurant! Crazy, right?”

He nodded, taking her glass. “Certainly, milady.” He gave a short bow and hurried off to the bar. You stole a quick glance at Touru, but thankfully he didn’t seem to have noticed Jin. Not that he’d recognize him. Or at least, you hoped he wouldn’t. Not like this.

“Could I get you a fresh drink, Mademoiselle?”

You flinched, glaring up at the man with the shitty faux French accent. It did nothing to ward off Jin’s fat grin staring you back in the face. “Ooh! I need a refill!” April chimed in, holding her glass up to Jin. “Château Lafite, please.”

“Wow, they really do hire some of the most handsome men here, don’t they?” April giggled to her mother. “I didn’t see a wedding ring on his finger! Maybe you should get his number.” Mrs. Kim responded in a hushed tone which only made April giggle more. You let their conversation roll off you. Hell, you could hardly be bothered to pay attention to anything other than Jin now that you knew he was here.

Wait… Jin is here.

Why is he here?!

His eye caught yours as he was making a mixed drink. He smiled and gave you a wink. You sucked in a quick breath, trying to subtly shake your head at him, but he’s already on his way back over before you could get the message across.

“Here you go, ma’am!” He set the wine down in front of April before turning back to you. “And for the pretty lady. Mon Coeur.” He purred, bringing back the faux accent.

You didn’t miss the odd look April gave you upon hearing Jin’s comment, but you couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge her, instead giving Jin a strained smile, hoping he takes the hint.

“You told me to surprise you, yes?” He chuckled, playing it off effortlessly. “You look like someone who enjoys the sweeter things in life, so I made you this drink. It’s a mix of peach vodka, grenadine, lime soda, ice,” He counted the ingredients using his fingers, “And fresh peaches of course.” He purred with a wink before setting a paper napkin down beside your drink.

You took a slow sip of the pretty pink drink, your senses were immediately overcome with the sweetness exploding over your tastebuds. It sent a tingle down your spine, and you did your best to confine your smile from any prying eyes. One thing’s for sure, Jin knew your tastes when it came to alcohol.

You stiffly nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

“If you need anything else, please let me know.” He gave a final nod to the rest of the family before hurrying back to the bar.

You used the napkin to wipe the corners of your mouth before you noticed a message on the underside.

“Meet me by the bathrooms in 15.”

You cleared your throat and folded the napkin in half, discreetly slipping it into your bag before taking another sip of your drink. “Wow. That waiter sure seemed awfully friendly with you, (Y/n).” Mrs. Kim noted in a snarky, loud tone. She gave her son the side eye, but Touru didn’t seem the least bit interested, too wrapped up in whatever story his father’s been sharing.

“It sure would seem that way. He gave her his heart after all.” April bit, motioning towards the drink in your hand. The words barely registered as you glanced down at the pink liquid in your cup.

His…

His heart?

You felt almost clueless sitting amongst them, listening to them talk about you like they’ve seen it all before. “I-it’s just a drink. I really don’t think it means anything…” You stuttered, trying to keep your poised posture. “Do you think they know each other?” Mrs. Kim spoke in a hushed tone. Her words immediately sent another chill down your spine. You couldn’t help glancing over at Touru, but still. Nothing.

“Maybe, but she isn’t nearly pretty enough for him.” April muttered against the lip of her glass, giving you a look as if to say, ‘Go on. Challenge me.’. Mrs. Kim giggled and playfully smacked her daughters arm, both of them acting as if their words were lost among the chatter. You swallowed your pride and played along, reminding yourself that their words shouldn’t mean anything to you.

You kept a close eye on the time, pushing the measly pieces of shrimp around on your salad and taking small sips of your drink every now and again. You were vibrating with anticipation as you took another peek at the large clock just across the room. It truly was the longest fifteen minutes you’d ever sat through, until finally…

You were good to go.

You barely tapped Touru on the leg murmuring, “I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Touru nodded and took your hand in his to give it a chaste kiss before indulging his father again. You made your way towards the back of the restaurant where you saw the bathroom signs -- Where you knew you’d be out of the family’s line of sight.

Sure enough, You saw that tall idiot leaning against the wall playing on his phone, dressed to the nines in black slacks, a deep maroon apron tied neatly around his waist, and to top it all off, a white button up with a silk black vest clinging deliciously to his abdomen.

Well, looks like you got part of your wish.

He smiled almost immediately when he looked up at you. “Hey, beautiful! I wasn’t sure if you were actually gonna do it--”

“Shut it!” You hissed, swatting at his arm with the back of your hand. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

Jin gestured to his outfit, giving you his best customer service smile. “What does it look like I’m doing here?” He laughed, his response sounding more like a statement rather than a question. “I work here on Friday and Saturday evenings for a little extra cash. Not to mention, having the bartending experience is a plus.” He winked.

“Oh, speaking of! How was your drink?” His eyes widened, filled to the brim with child-like wonder as he asked. “I made it myself, so your feedback is crucial right now.”

He’s your friend. Not your lover.

You sighed, “Jin, I didn’t come over here to make jokes with you--”

“Oh no, it’s not a joke! I really do wanna know! I put my heart and soul into that drink.” He winked again. “I guess in a way, you could say I gave you my heart.” He added with a sly smile. You could feel his words churning within as they settled at the bottom of your stomach. Is that what April meant?

“Will you quit flirting?” You sighed, “Seriously. I’m supposed to be having a nice dinner with Touru’s family, and--”

“Oh yeah, ‘cos you looked like you were just having the time of your life with those people.” He sneered, rolling his eyes for added effect. “I’ve been here all evening, (Y/n). I could tell from the moment you walked through the door that you were miserable.” His voice soft again as he took a step closer to you to rest his hand on your shoulder. You made a half attempt at shaking him off, but his palm only slipped down your bare bicep. You shivered, feeling the touch of his warmth against your cool skin.

“How about we blow this popsicle stand and go get sushi or something, yeah?” He asked with a small smile. “Or I can head back over to lover boy’s  family and strike up a conversation.” He suggested, pulling his hand away from you so he could make exaggerated gestures, “Maybe flirt with Touru’s fiance in front of him a little more; see how far I can push my luck before he pummels my ass.” He laughed, causing you to smack his arm a few more times.

He smiled mischievously. “Well I suppose if you’re in the mood to do something for me, I guess can make myself disappear for the night.”

“Will you quit it?! You may think it’s funny, but I’ll have to deal with his pissy mood.” You hissed.

“Ooh, you’ll have to--”

“Seriously, Jin.”

You knit your eyebrows at him, taken aback by his suggestion. “Excuse you?”

You rolled your eyes. “Fine, whatever. I’ll help you move. But I really need to get back now before they get suspicious.” You sighed, checking your phone real quick to make sure Touru hasn’t already sent a slew of messages.

“It’s nothing like that! Just a little favor for a friend.”

You glared at him for a moment, “Are you making me buy your silence?”

Jin shrugged. “I’m not making you do anything. But if you’re not willing to do a little something for me -- Say, helping me move into my new apartment next month,” He winked, “Then I’ll be more than happy to liven up your evening. Just a little bit.”

“Awe, but you just got here.” Jin whined. Even going as far to jut his bottom lip out in an adorable little pout. It only annoyed you more. Not in a, ‘You get on my nerves’ way, but more like, ‘Why do you have to be this cute?’ Kind of way.

If this were an old time cartoon, this would probably be the part where steam started streaming out of your ears. You puffed your cheeks out and clenched and unclenched your fists a couple of times before smiling up at him. “I’ll see you later, Jin.”

“Yeah, but I’m not here to hang out with you--”

“You say that, but you did leave your fiance to come back here to meet me.” He teased with a suggestive smile. “Surely that means you wanted to see me at least a little bit, no?”

He frowned as you turned away, but he knew he could only keep you with him for so long. “Fine, I understand… Oh, and (Y/n)...” Jin grasped your hand before you could run away. “I’m just a text away if you need anything. I’m always here for you.”

You licked your lips, letting his hand linger in yours a lot longer than it needed to. You wanted nothing more than to clasp your fingers around his. You could still change your mind; you could still turn around and run away with him. Fuck the business dinner, Jin just offered to buy you sushi, and you were really going to turn that down?

You sighed as your rational thought won out. You gently pulled your hand away, and gave him one last smile over your shoulder. “I know. Thank you, Jin.”

You smoothed out your black midi dress several times, clueless as to what your hands should be doing. You clasped them in front of you for a moment until your fingers delicately wrapped around the hand he’d just held, though you weren’t sure why. Your hands weren’t as big as his. They surely weren’t as warm. You were already regretting your decision as Touru and his family were finally in your crosshairs again.

Best friend. Not your lover.

Despite the fancy music and the families chattering around you, all you could hear was the click clacking of your heels as if the sound had made it’s home at the base of your eardrums. Great. Another lie. Another reason why Touru shouldn’t trust you. How many more lies would you have to tell before Touru found out?

You sat back in your seat once again, subtly wiping your palms on your dress. Although it was sweat you were wiping off, you supposed Touru nor his family would know any better. “Is everything okay?” He asked suddenly, placing his hand upon yours.

Where Jin held your hand…

You gave him your best smile as you nodded at him. “Yeah. Uhm, Yuna called while I was in the bathroom.” You coughed. “She needs help moving, and I agreed to help her.”

Touru narrowed his eyes at you, slowly pulling his hand away from yours. “When? You know I rescheduled those venue showings for February, so if that’s the case--”

“She said she’ll get back to me with the date.” You stuttered, conjuring up a new story. “She’s narrowed her options down, but... She’s not closing until after Christmas.”

Dammit, Jin.

You looked back at Touru, his jaw set tight. The look in his eyes already told you you’d be in for a long night once this was all over. You took a deep breath and turned back to your food without another word. Even Mrs. Kim had been giving you a stern look over the brim of her champagne glass, clearly catching onto the tension between you and her son. April seemed to be the only one who didn’t notice or at the very least, didn’t want to be involved in the newfound family drama.

“Okay…” Touru replied suspiciously. “Well if it’s in February--”

“I already know it can’t be in February.” You snapped. Mr. Kim loudly cleared his throat and his cutlery scraped across his plate, causing you and Touru both to glance over at him. He gave you both a look as if to say, ‘Don’t embarrass me.’

__

You glared at the dry erase calendar set up directly above the weekly schedule. “Happy birthday, Jin!” Was scrawled in ugly bright green letters on the fourth day of December. Your fingers twitched at the thought of reaching up and erasing the note. Itching to erase his name and replace it with “asshole”. Anything to show your frustration with him. The last two days had been hell to get through, no thanks to Jin and his stupid moving nonsense.

What was that about anyway? Manipulating you into helping him move?

Thinking back on it, you could’ve just told him no. He could’ve made an ass of himself in front of Touru and his family, but…

Touru said he saw you and Jin goofing off at work, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he knows what Jin looks like; doesn’t mean he could easily pick Jin out of a line-up of the men you work with, right? So would he have noticed him if you’d decided to call his bluff?

You took a deep breath, trying to reel your thoughts back in before you would have to start your shift. You reminded yourself that you couldn’t put all the blame on Jin. Although it was a poor decision on his part to bargain with you -- Manipulate you into helping him, it was still your decision to go see him. All because you missed him. Missed his company.

You could always just back out, you thought to yourself. The dinner is over with; Jin could never follow through with his little charade now. What are the odds of him ever seeing Touru again? Not like he would do anything anyway. He’s too kind, too honest, too compassionate to ever--

Then it occurred to you. He never would’ve created a scene in front of Touru’s family. He never would’ve humiliated you or himself because he cared.

When are you going to figure out that he only says these things to get a reaction out of you?

You sighed. You’re not going to back out of the deal. You cared about Jin, too and you wanted to be there for him.

So what about his birthday?

“What are you sighing so dramatically about?”

The faint whisper against the shell of your ear startled you, causing you to turn around way too quickly and bumping right into Jin’s chest. His hands naturally jutted out to grab your hips, steadying you before he bursted out into laughter. “Jesus christ, Jin. I hate it when you sneak up on me like that.”

“I couldn’t help it. You seemed so distressed over here, I thought I’d come over and try to help.” He explained, releasing his hold on you so he could flick through the clothes in the dressing room, going about his normal routine as if everything were just fine.

“How’d dinner go the other night?” He asked casually. You frowned as you scooted by Jin so you could load some of the clothes onto your arm. “It was fine, I guess.” You shrugged. “Touru got mad at me…” You whispered, though you weren’t even sure if you wanted Jin to hear you.

“Wait, did he really?” He stopped suddenly, looking at you in complete shock. You gave him a small nod. “I mean I didn’t tell him I was helping you move, I told him it was for another friend. Oh by the way, as far as anyone is concerned, you’re not closing until after Christmas.”

“What? Oh…” His cheeks dusted pink. “Yeah. I mean that’s pretty close anyway. I’m closing December twenty first, but I can’t move in until January fifth.”

“I’ll make sure to mark it on my calendar then!” You chirped, heading over to the Women’s section. Jin was right on your heel, grabbing his own armful of clothes on the way out. “Wait, wait (Y/n) I’m really sorry. It wasn’t my intention to start a fight between you and Touru--”

“Hey, hey. Don’t worry about it, okay?” You responded nonchalantly as possible, “Touru… He’s easy to set off. If things aren’t going his way, then it gets under his skin. It’s nothing we haven’t been through before.”

Jin’s silent as you two go about putting clothes away in the Women's area. You bumped shoulders a couple times, half expecting Jin to make a joke or start up a new conversation, but now he seemed to be the one that was distraught.

“Even if it hadn’t been you -- If it had really been Yuna or Dahyun; anyone! He would’ve been upset.” You explained softly. “It’s a wrench thrown into our plans, and the beginning of the year is always really hard on him because of his position--”

“(Y/n)...”

“Jin, I’m serious.” You replied firmly, grabbing him by the biceps once you two were in the confines of the dressing room once again. It was a slow night with light foot traffic, so you and Jin could take it easy. You could actually take the time to have a conversation with him like this.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t--”

“But I said I would!” You whined. “Seriously, Jin. It’s no biggie. All I ask is that I be out of your place by four that day.” You replied firmly. “Touru usually gets home around six, so I’ll need to leave a little early. You know, for dinner and all.”

Jin frowned, but nodded in agreement anyway. “Fine. But if you can’t do it for any reason, just let me know?” He pleaded.

“Of course.”

__

You spent the next few days brooding over whether or not you should do something for Jin’s birthday. Anything at all.

You always went out of your way to buy birthday presents for your friends or have little surprise parties for them. Hell, even just taking them out to dinner! Just something to show that you cared.

It was much more difficult with Jin. Partially because you couldn’t find it in yourself to create another story for Touru. “Oh, I’m going to a friend's birthday dinner! I’ll be back later!” He knows most of your friends birthdays, so it’s not like he’d fall for it anyway. But on top of that, you couldn’t stop overthinking the whole ordeal.

What were you supposed to buy for a man in his mid-twenties on his birthday? New clothes? Candy? An air freshener? Who knows! Certainly not you! It’s not like you’ve had to worry about this with Touru. He doesn’t like presents, and instead prefers dinner and/or birthday sex -- Assuming he’s not busy. Birthday dinner or not, he wants birthday sex every year.

You blushed, knowing Touru’s birthday ideals were not going to cut it for your friend and coworker. You decided to stop by one of the little corner shops after work Monday evening. Maybe just a basket of goodies would suffice? With lots of sweets and treats? Ah, but that feels like a cop out; disingenuous, and even if Jin would probably settle for something like that, you would not.

On Tuesday, you were fortunate enough to have the day off, so out shopping you went! Unfortunately, there was only one car to split between you and Touru, and he always took that car to work -- Including today, so you were left to walk to places nearby or take the train into town.

You spent much of your morning in search of a gift in the local shops, but you really couldn’t find anything of interest. You were beginning to panic as you were quickly running out of time, and so by the early afternoon, you found yourself at the mall. Weaving your way in and out of shops, even asking shop clerks what they think a man Jin’s age would want. Many of them offered you some pretty good ideas, but nothing you hadn’t already considered yourself. You wound up at home empty handed.

Wednesday afternoon, and you were working alongside Kyla. You were really starting to lose the birthday spirit as you subtly perused your own shop's shelves, desperately searching for something Jin would like, however the idea of giving him something that obviously came from work seemed like another lazy attempt at a decent birthday gift, so you quickly put that idea to rest. You even asked Kyla what she was getting Jin for his birthday, but that ended up being useless as she simply shrugged and replied, “We don’t really get each other gifts. I just sign the company birthday card with a nice note, and he’s pretty satisfied with that.”

You did sign the company birthday card, but that still wasn’t enough for you.

Your shift ended. You were dragging your feet along the pavement as you made your way to the train station. You really couldn’t find one birthday gift for him? Maybe you should just take the easy route and make a goodie basket. Sure you won’t be satisfied giving him such a low-brow present, but he’ll probably be satisfied, and shouldn’t that be enough for you?

“Mommy! Look! The new toy line is out!”

You turned towards the child on the other side of the street, desperately pulling her mother into a toy shop. You smiled and jogged over to take a peek in the window. You saw all kinds of little plushies and big plushies of different animals, cartoon characters, and video game characters. Even some characters from trendy overseas shows that you’re not as familiar with.

Then you spotted the new toy line the little girl must’ve been so excited about. The shop had a grand display for eight new characters featuring a smiling alpaca, a mischievous looking cookie, a blue koala, a horse -- Which clearly wasn’t a horse -- A puppy in a yellow suit, an alien-looking creature with a giant heart for a head, and a bright pink bunny rabbit all perched on top of one more alien-looking creature with a deadpan face. Somehow, he looked weirdly protective of the other seven creatures sitting on top of him.

“What a strange and unusual group of characters…” You muttered to yourself, observing them with a quirked eyebrow and a gloved hand to your chin. Jin hadn’t breathed a word of liking anything like this, so why were you considering it?

You glanced down at the price. Oof. The whole set was just a little out of your price-range, but perhaps just one of them…

The blinking pink sign on the window showed that they’d be closing in less than an hour, so without another minute to waste, you rushed into the toy shop.

It wasn’t difficult to pick out the display for the new toy brand. A tall, eight tier tower stood in the middle aisle. Each tier dedicated to its own respective character, and they came in all different sizes. The plushies that wouldn’t fit on the tiers -- Which were a little bigger than the size of an average body pillow -- Sat on the floor just beneath the tower. Only one of each character sat on the floor, but you assumed it was due to their size, and not their stock.

You walked around the tower once. Twice. Three times, quietly observing the plushies. You were in awe of how adorable they were up close and how beautiful the designs were. Even the fabric felt plush like the people who worked on these toys really put a lot of love and care into them. No wonder they were so expensive. You almost considered being selfish enough to buy one for yourself, but you knew Touru would have questions if you brought a stuffed animal home.

Which one would suit Jin the best…

Despite how much you enjoyed looking at some of the other plushies, you kept coming back to the white alpaca, absolutely in awe of how much he reminded you of Jin. And so you decided it would be the white alpaca. Nothing too big; one with enough stuffing to cuddle at night. On the far wall opposite of the tower, you saw they had a small line of outfits offered for the respective characters. You smiled, picking out a fluffy pink parka and a red beanie to match. You also bought a pretty birthday bag and some tissue paper so the plushie could be properly packed tomorrow.

__

Thursday evening, and it was nearly time to go. With it being so close to the holidays, Touru was as busy as ever. He sent you a text on his lunch, letting you know he wouldn’t be home until midnight, so you’d be taking the train home tonight despite the chilling air and how late you’d be getting home.

You worked almost nine hours alongside Jin. Once he was sure Jin was on a walkie, Namjoon immediately made a big deal out of today being Jin’s birthday. Immediately, a slew of happy birthdays came flowing through the ear piece, making you smile. You glanced over at Jin who was just on the other side of Men’s basics, setting out new Christmas stock. He was radio silent, but he wore the biggest grin you’d ever witnessed on a man, his cheeks and even the tips of his ears were flushed bright pink from the sudden attention.

“Ah! Thank you so much, guys!” He giggled over the radio, and you couldn’t help but giggle with him. He was so embarrassed yet so touched. It was an endearing sight, one that you never wanted to forget.

After closing, you fell behind everyone else as they were walking out of the store, making an effort to hide the bag behind your back as you followed suit. As your coworkers dispersed, you caught the broad-shouldered man by his arm before he could reach his car.

“Hey!” You exclaimed, giving him a gentle tug. He turned immediately, shocked at first then happy to see who it was that had stopped him. “Hey yourself! What can I do ya for?” He asked in his usual dorky tone. Then he noticed you had your hands tucked behind your back. “What do you have behind your back?” He smirked.

You shivered a bit as it began to snow, cheeks tinted pink as he pointed out the obvious gift, but you hoped he’d write it off as you being cold. You considered running away from the embarrassing situation until you saw a little snowflake land on his nose. The way he wiggled his nose cutely at the featherlight touch was almost too much for your heart.

Kiss it. Kiss the snowflake off his nose, you coward.

All thoughts had escaped you. With all the grace of a shy five year old, you shoved the bag into Jin’s chest. “Here.” You breathed through parted lips before taking a small step back. “Happy birthday! I’m sorry, I feel like it’s not much.” You chastised yourself as Jin pulled the alpaca out from under the tissue paper.

His eyes widened in awe as he stared at the adorable plushie in his hand. Truthfully, he’s always loved cute stuff like this, and he was so excited for the BT21 Collection to be released, but funds were tight right now, especially with him wanting to get his own place, so he figured he could do without it.

“I wasn’t really sure what I should’ve gotten you, and believe me, I looked!” You rambled, finally drawing Jin’s eyes away from his new son. “I really wanted to get something that you could use, or something that would be meaningful to you somehow, ya know?”

He gazed at you silently while you looked at everything but him. If only you’d look up, you’d see how his eyes were filled with nothing but adoration for you. “I wanted to get you a goodie basket, but that didn’t feel good enough. Then I asked Kyla what she got you, but she said it’d be fine if I just signed the company birthday card, and I--!”

Your rambling came to a sudden halt when Jin tugged you into his chest, leaning over to encase you in his warm, snug embrace. You’re stunned into silence, gaze wavering for a moment before you slowly wrapped your arms around him to hug him back.

“I love it; he’s so adorable. Thank you.” He whispered. You could even feel the alpaca gently pressed against the back of your head from his hand placement. You smiled and rubbed his back before trying to pull away, but he only held on tighter. “I’m sorry,” He apologized in a husky voice, “can you give me a minute? I really just… Need to hold someone right now.”

Hesitant at first, but you’re wrapping your arms around him again in no time. Your face was buried in his black coat as you held him tighter than you had before. Jin did the same, resting his chin on your shoulder at first, then burying his face somewhere between your hair and your scarf. Softly, slowly you stroked your hand up and down his back, silently deciding you’d hold him as long as he needed you to. His soft sniffle was muffled by wool and hair. It was only more incentive for you to give him a gentle squeeze, reminding him you were there for him.

You came to the realization that there’s a lot you still don’t know about Jin, and there’s still a lot he doesn’t know about you. Things you’ve hidden from him to protect him -- To protect yourself. It only makes you wonder what untold secrets he’s been hiding from you. If he was trying to protect you from his own monsters.

Holding each other like this, no matter how comforting it might feel, it was also painful. Heartbreaking. You didn’t ever want it to end. Even if that meant you and him had to stand out in the freezing cold, buried under ten feet of snow for the rest of your days, you’d gladly accept that fate. As long as you’re with Jin, you felt like you could get through anything.

As long as he’s by your side…

You squeezed your eyes shut and willed those thoughts away. You weren’t ready to face those feelings yet. You knew you couldn’t act on them, and that’s what hurt the worst. You weren’t in too deep yet. You still had just enough time and dignity to pull yourself out of this little hole you’d dug for yourself inside of Jin’s heart, but you weren't ready. Not yet.

One day, you would have to let him go. One day, you’re going to say goodbye to Jin, and it’ll be the last time; you’ll never see him again, never hear his voice again. It was physically painful trying to imagine your life without him. Painful enough to create that lump in your throat, and tears in your eyes.

Not yet…

You squeezed him again, this time for your own sake instead of his. Reminding yourself that he’s still here with you.

It’ll happen. You’ll lose Jin in due time, but until that day comes, you would comfortably continue to enjoy Jin just like this. Little moments where the two of you needed each other. Not for anything in particular, just to be there for each other. For comfort and reassurance. Something both of you had been seeking for a long time.

You continued stroking Jin’s back as he rubbed his face against your scarf, both of you reveling in each other’s warm embrace until he started to loosen up a bit. Then letting go altogether. “Ah, I’m really sorry about that. I think I just really needed a hug!” He giggled, holding his new alpaca close to his chest. You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

“C’mon, I’m not letting you walk in this cold by yourself. I’ll give you a ride home.”

“Okay.”