#She can probs raise one eyebrow better than Two-Bit. It’s her reaction to EVERYTHING

[good-golly-its-glory]

for my first post of my drawings (and one of my first on IbisPaint) I drew Evie! Inspired by @your-unfriendlyghost ‘s design. Their art is so cool istg

[tommyspeakycap]

that little shelby and uncle charlie fic was so sweet, if you could write more of the two that would be fantastic :,-)

first one here, they’re not directly related but enjoy little shelby (probs about 17/18) telling uncle Charlie about her new boyfriend before anyone else.

terrible liar

There’s an extra skip in your step as you easily manoeuvre around the scrap yard that you knew like the back of your hand towards where you knew your uncle Charlie would be at this time in the afternoon, grooming the horses and mucking out the stables with Curly. It’s Curly who notices and greets you first as he was standing outside the stables lifting a shovel. “Hello, miss Shelby,” He greets with a smile and a curt wave that makes you giggle. “I’ve told you Curly, you can call me (y/n).” You insist kindly, offering him your signature sunshine smile, the kind of sweet one that lights up the day for the people who you spend it on.

“Exactly Curly,” Charlie adds, “You’ve known her since she was this big,” he gestured with his hands to the size you were as a baby. “You’re family.” You state. That makes your uncles friend grin largely and almost bashfully, a little bit of kindness never lost on him and you always seemed to have it to spare.

Curly shoots a smile back to you and heads back into the stable before Charlie turns to you. “Better mood today then, love?” He rumbles with a grin as you nod vigorously and blush ever so slightly just at the thought of the reason you were in such a fantastic mood. “Mhm,” you hum gently, doing a little spin as the wind flutters through your pretty dress that Tommy bought you upon Polly’s advising that you had seen it in a window when you were walking through London and your face had lit up. He gifted it to you this morning and your squeal of excitement, followed by a hug that very nearly knocked the stocky man off his feet had set him up for a day where he does everything while thinking about how he can better the life he’s trying to create for his family. He wants to be able to buy you everything you could ever want to see that beautiful smile that ached your cheeks. “And why’s that? Who’s given little miss Shelby her sparkle back?”

Charlie knew full and well that he had asked, but he truly wasn’t expecting the answer to be as it was. He thought that his niece would giggle as she often does and say something about a kitten she saw this morning or a hug and a kind word from her brother or maybe she tasted the most fantastic pastry on her lunch time walk here (and he knew you did have a pastry because there was still a little smudge of chocolate by the side of your mouth that you hadn’t noticed).

Instead, you do not say that. You don’t say any of those things and Charlie is forced to shoot straight up from where he was bent over shovelling fresh hay so quickly he knew he’d have a twinge in his back for a week when his sweeter than candy little niece says;

“Well i met this boy-“

“You what!?” He booms out. Curly’s shovel clatters to the ground in shock at the sudden burst, and you jump back slightly, wincing at his reaction. “Now see that’s what i thought you’d say, but he’s really sweet and i th-“ Charlie cuts you off as he turns to you looking somewhat appalled. You had chosen him as the first person to tell as you felt he might have the most calm reaction. Maybe you were wrong. “Do your brothers know about this? Does Tommy know?”

“Does Tommy know what?”

You literally jump five feet into the air and yelp loudly, whirling around and placing your hand over your heart. “Jesus Christ Tommy! Don’t do that!” You exclaim wildly, a flush dancing over your soft cheeks in your shock. Tommy raised his eyebrows in question and looks between you and Charlie somewhat conspicuously. It isn’t like his uncle to look irked or sound so appalled and shocked as he had when Tommy heard the tail end of the conversation. “Sorry darling,” he says softly, turning to face you, “Are you alright?”

You nod your head and Tommy squints his eyes. “Yeah i’m alright, what’re you-“ His action cuts you off before you have the ability to finish asking what he was about to do. He had ever so slightly licked his thumb and reached out to swipe the small smudge of chocolate from your lunchtime pastry away from the side of your mouth just like he used to when you were little. “Tommy,” you whine in response, thwarting his hand away the best you could. He just shrugs his shoulder. “Sorry love. Force of habit.” He offers, albeit unapologetically as he lights up a cigarette.

“Now, tell me what?” He repeats, his eyes again darting between you, Charlie and Curly. You open and close your mouth a few times, but words fail to find you. Tommy notes that you look to Charlie almost threateningly, like you were trying to master that Polly Gray look unsuccessfully. You were a Shelby, after all. You looked a lot more like Tommy did when he attempted to enforce unspoken words with merely his eyes. Though, you were too soft to appear menacing. “Tell your big brother, ey?” he prompts, “Whatever it is, i can help.”

That makes you cringe, almost wince even, before offering him the most pained grimace you ever had. “Y’know, i really don’t think you can this time. Just lady problems.” The shaky words leave your mouth a whole lot less convincingly than you had anticipated, and Tommy gives you an incredulous look with one eyebrow raised higher than the other and his cigarette paused in between his lips like he were a freeze frame. Tommy doesn’t tend to shy away from typical lady problems. He wasn’t insecure enough in his masculinity for his sisters (or anyone really) natural bodily functions and/or femininity to threaten him, and it certainly did not discomfort him. She dealt with much worse.

Your nerves aren’t lost on him. There are few times you won’t look him in the eye, preferring to focus your head towards the muddy ground beneath your boots. This is usually when you’ve done something wrong, gotten in trouble or are afraid he’s going to be mad at you, or even disappointed. He was rarely either.

“I can help.”

“She’s missing your mother, Tom.”

Tommy looks up at his uncle who had interrupted him. Charlie offers you a small look that told you the secret you entrusted to him would stay as such for now. You didn’t know how long that would be the case, but it seemed as though he would keep it from the lethal hands of the head of the family. “She didn’t want to upset you, talking about it. But she misses her mother.” He explains. In all honesty, he wasn’t entirely wrong. You did miss your mother and you were scared to bring her up, but it was something you had dealt with for such a long duration of time in your life that you had grown accustomed to that nagging pain. Tommy looked at you with eyes full of sorrow. His mother was one of his softest spots in his heart.

Charlie tapped Curly on the arm and the two left you standing there a few feet away from Tommy, who was just kind of staring at you weirdly. “She was beautiful.” He says finally. “Just like you. You have her heart too, love.” He takes a couple steps closer to you and wrap his arms tight around you, “Always hoped you’d turn out more like her than the rest of us. Think we’re all glad you did.” The thought of being like your mother made your head leap with joy. You wished there was a way she could know you today, know you now. Talk to you about boys, this boy, her boys. Help you understand the world. You didn’t have that.

“I love you, Tom.” You say, words muffled against the material of his coat. “Yeah yeah,” he mutters back, “Now off you go. We can talk more later. A scrap yard like this is no place for a beautiful, smart young lady like you.” You giggle at the words he speaks when he lets you out of his arms, that gentle smile of his tugging up the sides of his lips ever so slightly. His nods his head for you to go off, and you knew what he meant was really that he was going to be discussing some business with Charlie that he didn’t want you hearing about for his obsession with your safety and normalcy. “Bye Tom.” You grin, stepping up to your tip-toes to peck a little kiss against his cheek before you all but skip off. Tommy’s heart warms at the sight of his sunshine little sister heading off with such a happy skip in her step and so much love ready to give

He then feels the presence of his uncle appear beside him again. “She really is like your mother, Tom.” He states, a heavy and painful sigh following. “Yep.” Tommy replied shortly. “Better thinking like that than thinking it’s her boyfriend that’s put that skip in her step. eh?”

“You bastard,” Charlie chuckles as he shakes his head, “You know?”

“Course,” Tommy states simply, “My mother was a terrible liar, Charlie.”

“And?”

“Well our (y/n); she is just like her mother, isn’t she?”

[kalaluchi]

chapter 06: anime

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“Hey, nice wings!”

“Sorry, what?”

Marinette suddenly wanted to bury herself in a hole from embarrassment.

The moment Adrien walked in that morning, she’d noticed the telltale Wings of Freedom keychain hanging from his bag. And, sure, they’d been talking on end for nearly a month now. But still she’d spent the whole day just working up the courage to approach him and mention the keychain, thinking maybe, finally, they’d have something more to talk about other than school work and the occasional small talk, because mostly he talked about things she already knew from stalking him… not like she was going to tell him that, though.

And yet… yet he stood there, obvious confusion in his gorgeous green eyes, with a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised, like he had no idea what in the world she meant. Like the silver item was absolutely not hanging from the strap of his bag. Even though it so was.

Hence-- the want to bury herself in a hole. Ever the brave heroine, Marinette instead swallowed hard and forced a smile. “Hanging on your bag. It’s Wings of Freedom from Attack on Titan. I thought you having it meant you’d watched AOT. I guess not? You should though, it’s one of my favorite shows. Uh, I mean, not that you have to, you know, of course, I mean, who am I to force you to watch something, I just meant--”

Adrien cut her off with a chuckle. “Oh! I forgot I left that hanging there. I actually have watched it though. I remember binging it one summer a few years back.” His smile to himself, probably remembering simpler times.

Marinette relaxed, and grinned. “I know what you mean. My parents used to get mad at me for sneaking down at midnight to watch episodes as soon as they were released. Uh, so are there any other animes you like, or is it just that one…?”

“I used to watch a lot, but that was back when I had a lot of time, you know?” He ran a hand through his hair nonchalantly. (How did he do that so effortlessly…)

“Mhm!” Marinette nodded emphatically, mesmerized. “Me too! Uh, hey! Why don’t we, uh, watch something… together? There’s an anime I’ve been wanting to watch, but I haven’t… had a solid enough reason to. Although, of course, we don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she added hastily. “I-I just thought it’d be fun, you know, since we both hadn’t watched in a while--”

“Sounds fun!”

“I mean, I don’t expect you to agree, I-- what did you say?”

Adrien chuckled. “I said, ‘sounds fun.’ What did you want to watch?”

“Uh.” Still reeling from the shock that he’d agreed so quickly, Marinette pulled out her phone. “I forgot the name, but I’m pretty sure I had it on a list, lemme check.” She unlocked it and scrolled through her notes.

Once she found it, she grinned triumphantly, feeling lucky that she’d managed to get this far in the conversation. “Here, it’s called, uh… ah.”

Marinette suddenly felt shy, her luck all gone. It seemed like cruel fate that this particular anime was next on her list, for her and Adrien to watch together. She cleared her throat. “It’s, uhm, called Kaguya-sama: Love is War. You might not like the genre, though, so it’s okay if you wanna watch something else…” Please let him want to watch something else. I won’t be able to take this internal torture, Marinette pleaded to the skies silently.

Instead, Adrien’s eyes shone excitedly. “Oh, I’ve heard of that! The one where the guy and the girl like each other, but neither wants to lower their pride and admit it, right? So they come up with situations to force the other one to confess? They’re so funny-- it's adorable!”

“More like relatable,” Marinette coughed to herself.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that…?”

Marinette forced a laugh. “I said, ‘yup! Adorable.’”

“So, when should we start watching? You free Saturday night?”

“Sure,” she said immediately, not one to turn down a possible? date with her crush.

Then her brain caught up with her heart, and she groaned. Saturday nights were movie-night-with-Alya nights… she was sure the brunette would not let a boy overrule movie nights. Even if that boy were radiant… carefree… dreamy… Adrien.

But what if… she merged movie night and anime night? Anyway, it was her turn to host movie night and choose what to watch. She had a feeling Alya would enjoy watching Kaguya-sama, especially knowing its summary… Marinette really didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Alya’s schemes yet again, but if it made it possible to watch with Adrien and Alya… she supposed it would be worth it just this once.

“Something wrong?”Adrien’s voice cut in, his brow creased. “If you’re not free Saturday night, it’s cool we can resched.”

“No! We’re good, I’m good, you’re handsome-- I mean, it’s… awesome.” She cringed inwardly. “I can definitely do Sat, no prob-o. But, uh… is it okay if I invite Alya? I mean, the more the merrier, right?”

She almost thought Adrien looked disappointed at this, but if he were, he hid it well. “Cool, I love Alya,” he said easily, grinning. (Marinette chose to ignore the pang that hit her at this. Why just Alya? How about an ‘I love Marinette’ as well? She fought the urge to sigh.) “We can invite Nino as well so it’s… even more fun I guess?”

“Mhm, sounds like a plan. I’ll tell Alya, and you tell Nino?”

“Okay,” he said, waving goodbye and heading to his seat as the bell rang for class.

‘I’ll tell Alya,’ huh? A lot easier said than done, Marinette thought, unsure how to break the news to her best friend.

.

.

.

“Alya,” Marinette started an hour later, after planning out an entire speech and writing down bullet points to rebut any arguments her best friend might have.

It all went out the window when the latter held up a hand, giving the ravenette a knowing smile.

“No need to explain, I know.”

“Wha--”

“Considering we sit beside each other, you pass on information pretty slowly. It’s been, like, 2 periods…”

Marinette spluttered, “I-- how-- who-- what.”

Alya held up her phone and waved it around. “Hello? These exist? Nino texted me the second our break ended… (Though why he didn’t just… tell me outright… I have no idea.) We’ve been texting back and forth, planning.”

Marinette practically sagged in relief. “Oh, thank goodness.” She let out the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. “Alya, you are absolutely the bestest friend ever, I don’t deserve you--”

“Hold your horses, don’t get all sappy on me yet,” Alya interrupted, holding up a finger. “You’re not cleared yet. One: I never thought you’d be the type of girl to ditch her best friend as soon as she got a boyfriend--”

“He’s not--!”

“--but,” Alya continued, ignoring Marinette’s profuse protests, “I completely forgive you, because I know you, and I know your heart often speaks before your brain can, and I know that you would never ditch me on purpose, especially when our agreement came first.”

Marinette gave the brunette the best puppy-dog eyes she could manage. “Alyaaaaa, you know I love you, right?”

Alya rolled her eyes playfully. “Yes, girl, I know. Now put that expression away, it's creeping me out,” she laughed. “And I know you’re going to ask, so yes, there is a way to make it up to me, and that is: you have to invite Adrien to watch with you… like physically. Not over video call like we sometimes do. I want there to be popcorn and blankets and everything. If you two end up cuddling, even better.”

“Cuddling?!” Marinette whisper-shouted, beet red. “Wh-why would we--! I don’t want to--! mean, yes, it would be nice, but we are just friends. Okay?”

The brunette laughed at her best friend’s reaction. “You got it. But do we have a deal? You invite your boy over, I’ll come up with an excuse not to go, you bring me two packs of my favorite candy for our next movie night-- and I do not dwell over the fact that you forgot me, your best friend forever, when making plans with Adrien, the love of your life.”

Marinette wisely opted to ignore that last bit Alya said, and nodded firmly, shaking the latter’s outstretched hand.

“Deal.”

.

.

.

Adrien was packing his bag when Marinette walked up to him at the end of the day.

“Hey, Adrien, about our anime thing on Saturday--”

“Anime?” a voice interrupted snarkily. Marinette turned and found none other than Chloe Bourgeois standing behind her, one hand on her hip. “You seriously still watch that stuff? Isn’t it, like, for kids or something?” She let out a laugh. “Although I don’t know why I expected any different from you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Marinette was about to shoot back a retort when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Chloe,” Adrien said patiently, “we’ve talked about this. Anime isn’t just for kids. Remember how our parents wouldn’t let us watch Attack on Titan when we were 9 because it was scary? Anime can actually have different genres and all, and I think that’s pretty neat. I’m pretty excited actually to start a new one with Marinette.” (Marinette thought she’d faint at this. But she managed to keep her cool.)

“Oh, Adrikins, I totally agree!” Chloe said sweetly, batting her eyelashes. (Marinette fought the urge to throw up.) “I was only joking with Marinette, of course! Ha ha! Like friends do! I love anime! So, about this new show-- maybe I could watch it with you, hmm?”

“That okay with you, Marinette?”

Hell no. “Sure thing!”

This was going to be a disaster.

.

.

.

Adrien and Chloe showed up at her place 7pm that Saturday.

The plan was to binge as many episodes as they could. Marinette had set up her room with tons of pillows, so they could be comfortable watching from the floor. (Well… her and Adrien anyway. She was 99% sure Chloe would get just bored immediately and end up scrolling through social media, but whatever.)

They made their way up to her room after they’d greeted her parents. (Marinette did her best to ignore the raised eyebrows her parents gave her, silently asking about Chloe’s presence. She herself honestly had no idea what to say about it.) Chloe flopped onto the couch in the middle of the room, crossing her legs as she unlocked her phone. Typical. But Marinette really hadn’t expected anything else, so she ignored the blonde.

She set up the TV and brought bowls of popcorn to the piles of pillows where Adrien sat. She shyly took a seat beside him, grinning as she hit the play button.

They both settled in as the first episode began playing, starting with a speech likening love to war, wherein the person who falls in love first loses.

Marinette frowned at that. She wanted to disagree, but she kept her mouth shut when she saw the way Adrien was engrossed in watching. She noted the way his lips turned up at every joke and mouthed the words to the theme song.

She felt her heart squeeze at the sight. The opening speech be damned, she’d never feel like she was on the losing side if she got the chance to fall in love with this precious boy.

Marinette looked at his hand on the floor, and tentatively reached out to put her own on top of his. So close--

She froze when she felt Chloe plop down beside her, ready to hear the blonde call her out on what she was trying to do. Instead, Chloe had her eyes glued to the TV, watching Kaguya and Shirogane’s antics with rapt interest. Marinette nearly jumped when the other girl burst out in laughter at Shirogane’s attempts to give love advice.

She still wanted to figuratively strangle Chloe for ruining her almost-moment, but as she watched both her companions drink in the show she’d put on, Marinette thought that this might not turn out to be so bad, after all.

.

.

.

“So, what did you think, Chloe?” Adrien asked as the three of them stood outside the bakery, waiting for Adrien’s and Chloe’s cars to pick them up.

“It was… okay,” she scoffed, going for a nonchalant tone. “Nothing special, I guess.”

(Chloe actually absolutely loved it, Marinette could tell, but of course the blonde would never for the life of her admit it.)

“But maybe they were kinda cute. I don’t see why people would flock to that kind of thing, though. I mean… where would you even download it, you know?” She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Not like I really want to know, duh. It was a rhetorical question, of course. Up to you if you want to answer, but I really couldn’t care less.”

Behind her back, Adrien and Marinette shared a smile and a fist bump. Marinette made it a point to loudly mention the name of the site they’d watched on, adding, “I mean, I’m sharing that just as a random fact, of course.”

Chloe typed something on her phone quickly, and huffed as her car pulled into the driveway. “Whatever, loser. Bye, Adrikins!” she said instead, getting in the backseat.

“Sorry about inviting Chloe,” Adrien immediately apologized once it was just the two of them. “I really didn’t know Alya wouldn’t be coming, and Nino only told me right before that he wouldn’t be able to make it. Sorry for ruining your night.”

“No worries,” she said lightly. And surprisingly, she meant it. Not only did she get to spend hours with her crush, she also got to see a different side of Chloe Bourgeois, a side that made her think maybe the blonde was human after all. “It was surprisingly fun even with her around. And I really enjoyed watching Kaguya. I… learned a lot.”

His eyes sparkled with amusement. “Really? What did you learn? Do enlighten me.”

“Your ride’s here,” she only said, pointing behind him.

He laughed. “What perfect timing, gave you an excuse to avoid my question. You must be hiding something.”

“I really don’t know what you mean,” she replied, grinning.

“Good night, Marinette,” he said, turning to leave.

“Good night, Adrien,” she echoed, stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets and watching the car drive away.

She looked up at the stars, remembering one of the episodes they’d just watched, and wondered what she’d do if she’d been in Kaguya’s shoes. She wanted to say she’d have been more firm about her feelings… but she had a feeling when the time came, she might find herself frozen in shock as well.

But one thing was for sure. There was no way she was going to deny her feelings any more. She most definitely liked Adrien Agreste as more than a friend, whether or not he liked her back. (Though of course she hoped it was the former.)

She was absolutely determined to make active decisions to get to know this blond-haired green-eyed boy more. No scheming and coming up with mind games to force him to confess. She’d confess if she had to, on her own terms.

And hopefully, hopefully, the day would come when she could say she’d won the war that they call love, and when she could say, without a doubt, that he was hers.

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[wittywallflower]

One of them (probs Pen) getting so jealous she sprouts out she is in love with Schneider

Here it is!

Group therapy leads Penelope to an epiphany about her feelings for Schneider

“Penelope, we havent heard from you yet.” Pam kept her voice admirably neutral.

“I don’t got a lot to say.” Penelope waved off the group therapy leader with a smile.

More than one eyebrow went up. The Cuban was not known as being the wallflower of the group. Penelope knew that and didn’t fail to notice the disbelief on some faces.

“Really.” She insisted “Things are really good right now. I don’t need to take the time away from people with problems they need to talk about. You’ve all listened to my problems plenty.”

“And we are always here to help with those.” Pam said. "But its important for all of us to take the time to acknowledge and celebrate the good things as well. Seeing each other succeed and be happy is a reminder that its possible for all of us, no matter what we are dealing with.”

The women around the circle nodded at that. The therapy meetings helped them in a lot of ways. They had shed a lot of tears together but also shared a lot of smiles and a lot of laughter.

“So, Penelope, would you like to share the good things with us?” Pam asked.

“Okay, well”, Penelope rubbed her palms down her jeans as she considered where to begin. “As you know, i finished my exams. I am officially an NP.”

She took a moment to preen as there was another round of congratulations from her friends.

“And honestly, its like I can breathe again. So much of the pressure is off; no more tests, no more studying, no more researching the reproductive habits of frogs, as if that’s ever going to come up when i am treating bronchitis.” She shook her head, pantomiming shaking off that mental load. “I’m not even nervous about doing the job, I actually feel totally confident in my abilities.”

Which was a marvel when she remembered how she used to second guess her decisions as a nurse, asking Dr. Berkowitz for a consult on so many things she wouldn't question these days.

“Mi mami’s doctor is really pleased with her health, she’s not even fighting me about some of the dietary changes anymore. Elena is an essay writing machine right now, she is raking in so many scholarships for college. So that’s an anxiety attack i don't have to have until next year. Let’s see, what else… Alex has his first serious girlfriend now.”

That had the group chuckling and those who had mothered teen boys expressed their sympathies.

“Yeah, I hear that.” Penelope continued. “But I’ve met her and her family goes to my church. She’s a real good girl. One of the ones we would have called stuck up prudes back in high school, you know? Even Alex couldn’t charm her into anything too bad.

“My tax return was very nice this year. Oh, and I tried that tapas place 3 blocks over on Cayuga street with Schneider last weekend! Food’s a little pricey but the drinks are cheap and really good. We should all go sometime.”

The expected reaction would be for the group to enthuse about a new place to grab post-therapy cocktails but instead Penelope met mostly questioning faces.

“So you’re finally dating that dude?” Ramona asked.

“What? Schneider?” Penelope shook her head in denial. "No, we just got dinner together.”

“Just the two of you?” Penelope nodded in answer to that. “The two of you at a trendy new restaurant on a date night?”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t a date. We eat together most nights.” she said.

“At home with your mom and kids, not alone out on the town. Did you split the bill?”

“Well, no, he paid.” Penelope had to admit, but she was quick to explain. “But that’s just because he lost a bet we had."

I don’t know,” Ramona said, "still sounds a lot like a date. Do you two usually hang out together when one of you isn't having a crisis?”

“No.”

Not without the rest of the family around. But for the group, that just made their solo outing together seem more significant.

Jill tried to back her up.

“It better not be a date. Doesn’t that Schneider guy have a girlfriend?” she asked.

“Actually, they broke up.” Penelope had to admit.

“Really?”

Jill raised an eyebrow and grinned at the other women, who she had spoken to at length about Schneider’s attractiveness after meeting him at Penelope’s place. Then Penelope’s car was in the shop once, requiring Schneider to drop her off at a meeting. They’d all taken a good long look for themselves that night; after that he became a regular topic of admiring conversation.

“So if he isn’t dating her, and he isn’t dating you… what’s he doing Friday night?” Jill asked.

The group laughed and Penelope joined them at first but then waved the idea off.

“Actually there’s some old musical airing on one of the Spanish channels that night, he promised to watch it with my mom,” she said.

It was really sweet of Schneider to agree to that. The old films tended to make Lydia emotional with memories of home and her Berto. Schneider loved listening to her stories and was always good at cheering the older woman up with requests for dancing lessons or some gentle flirting.

Penelope sensed the stares from the group again. What? It wasn’t that weird for a man to sacrifice his Friday night to keep an old lady he wasn't even related to company. At least not if that man was Schneider. He did macrame with his tenants so they wouldn’t get lonely, por dios. Abruptly, Penelope shifted gears.

“But if you want, Jill,” she joked, elbowing her friend in the side, “I can ask if he is free Saturday night.”

Jill shook her head with a grin. “I’m busy Saturday, what about Sunday? Does he go to worship? 'Cause as we all know i can rock the hell out of a sundress, and he’d look real good on my arm walking into church.”

The whole group cracked up at that.

“I’ll take him Saturday night!”  Another woman piped up. “My cousin is getting married and a hot, rich guy will make a better date than Tom from the mail room at work.”

“No one is forcing you to take Tom.” Penelope pointed out.

“Yeah but its a wedding and going to a wedding alone is just asking for pity.” she said.

Penelope really couldn’t deny that after her own experience at Victor’s ceremony. She’d actually been tempted to ask Schneider to be her date to that. So she wasn’t sure why it rubbed her wrong now to think of him being someone else’s wedding arm candy.

“So, what’s wrong with Tom then?” she asked.

“Um, he’s not a really rich, really hot, really tall Canadian that i want to climb like a maple tree?”

The eruption of ribald laughter covered Penelope’s silent reaction.

‘Hey, he went to your daughter’s quinces right? How does he look in a suit?”

The reminder of Schneider in his suit, weirdly-sexy with that smooth face and no glasses hiding those bright blue eyes of his, … Penelope couldn’t help it, she blushed a bit at the memory.

“Wow, that good huh?” Jill teased her when Penelope didn’t answer. “You know, I have a wedding to go to in 3 weeks myself…”

More laughter. These women loved to talk smack and riff off each other. Penelope knew it was an all a lot of bluster and bullshit. Usually she gave as good as she got. But she was quiet now, strangely unsettled by the words flying around her.

“Is there a waiting list a girl can get on?” was asked with seeming earnestness.

Yeah, so what? So Schneider was kind of hot; kind of really hot. That had never affected Penelope’s opinion of him, or how she treated him. He wasn’t some piece of meat.

“Yeah, I don’t need him for a date,” Ramona stated the obvious, “but I wouldn’t say no to him helping me change my brake pads.”

“My mom’s retirement party is in March. Does he do the fake boyfriend thing, or will that cost extra?”

“Cost extra? If Richie Rich isn’t paying for everything, what’s the point?"

The jokes came fast and easy, but Penelope wasn't finding them very funny. What was he, some sugar daddy for these girls to use and discard? Sure, maybe he did stuff for her sometimes that didn’t exact fall under a landlord’s duties, but that was different. They were friends, they did things for each other, took care of each other. It wasn’t like that.

She was special.

She tried not to acknowledge the thought, just like she tried not to face the fact that she didn’t want to share that with anyone. She didn’t want to share him.

Being quiet really wasn’t a Penelope trait, so her friends took pointed notice that she wasn’t joining the banter. They had been hearing about this guy for years, wondering when or if the two would ever stop dancing around each other. Of course, it is entirely possible for a man and a woman to be close friends on an entirely platonic basis.

But its also possible to be in denial when one’s feelings start to change.

They had listened over the years as he became increasingly important in her life. And they certainly were not above baiting Penelope into admitting it.

“Hey Pen, you’ve seen him in bike shorts. What’s he packin’?” one bold voice asked. Penelope went rigid in her seat. “Now there’s one tool of his I’d like to borrow!”

Oh hell no.

“Well, you can’t!” Penelope snapped.

“Well, if no one else is using it…”

“He’s not a gigolo, or some boy-toy for you to play with!” Penelope exploded. "He’s been through a lot and he’s had too many people let him down!”

Pam settled a hand on her arm and Penelope realized she had been shifting in her seat in agitation. “Penelope, we’re just joking around. You know that. Can we talk about why it bothers you so much?”

“He’s such a good man and so many people look down on him and treat him like he is worthless, even his own family. I don't want that for him. He deserves better.”

“We know he means a lot to you-”

“Yeah. He does.” Penelope cut Pam off. “I don’t know what I’d do with out him. I rely on him to help me with my anxiety attacks. I trust him with my mami and my kids. I, I��”

She groped for the words, trying to find some way to explain it to these women. To make them understand that Schneider’s presence in her life was a blessing, that any person would be lucky to have him around. How to make them see what an amazing guy he is. And also why she couldn’t stand anyone else getting the same special Schneider treatment she got. Didn’t want to do it all without his help.

The group didn’t make it easier for her. They could sense Penelope was on the cusp of a revelation. There were no jokes now, no pointed comments about Schneider’s abs, or queries into any desire Penelope might have to run her tongue over them. They knew that when Penelope got started, sometimes it was best to just let her go, let her ramble and rant and rave until she led herself to the obvious conclusion. They had been waiting for her to work this one out.

Penelope looked around at the expressions on their faces. No one seemed surprised by her spirited defense of Schneider. More impressively, no one was even smirking in that “haha, got you to admit you don’t hate him” kinda way. Suddenly it seemed like the group knew her better than she knew herself. Like they knew what the denial had kept her from acknowledging all along and knew what she was going to say before she said it.

“Holy crap, I love him.”

Penelope breathed out a sigh at the intense realization. It was a surprise. Of course. When had she fallen for the man-baby? But judging by the feeling of relief, the loosening of a tension she hadn’t even known she was holding, it had been a long time coming. She smiled, feeling like another weight had been lifted from her chest and she was taking a full deep breath for the first time in years.

Then her mind started to race again. Her smile fell and when her eyes darted around the group again, they had a slightly panicked look in them. Acknowledging her feelings was one thing (one damned difficult thing), but acting on them?

“Well, what now?!?” she asked in a panic.

[desdinovas]

award show || brad simpson

not my gif

pairing: Brad Simpson x Female Reader

word count: 2,031

notes: got this request a few weeks ago and it’s probs my fav thing anyone has requested so far, hope this is good enough

“Brad, this is literally the millionth suit you’ve tried on today,” you pointed out from your place on your shared bed.

You actually didn’t mind helping him with his outfit at all. Watching him try suit after suit, one looking better than the other on him. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see that? Ever since he found out his band would be attending the Brits, he got way too excited about it and wanted everything to be perfect that night. And that includes, of course, his outfit.

“I know, love, but none of them are good enough.” Brad argued back as he studied his reflection in the mirror standing in front of him.

“You look amazing in all of them.” You stood up from the bed and walked towards him, hugging him from behind and standing on your tiptoes so you could let your chin rest on his shoulder.

“I’m still not convinced,” he said as he scanned his wardrobe.

A few seconds passed before his eyes landed on a very unusual suit. He had actually forgotten he bought that one. It was an impulsive buy and he never got the chance to wear it —mainly because he tossed it to the back of his wardrobe as soon as he came back from the store, making him totally forget about its existence.

“How about this one?” Brad asked as he took it out from the closet and started analysing it.

“Isn’t it a little too bright?” You asked back with furrowed brows. Oh, did I forget to mention the suit was bright red?

“Yeah, but Con told me he’s wearing a red suit as well so maybe we could match.” Brad shrugged.

“I thought I was your date to the red carpet.” You teased, pretending to be hurt by his words.

Brad chuckled under his breath and turned his head to kiss your cheek. “You’re wearing a white dress, right?” He asked even though he already knew the answer since you went dress shopping with him and it was him who ended up choosing it.

You nodded your head a bit confused, not knowing where he was going. “Then I’ll pin a little white rose on my suit. That way we’ll be matching.” Brad explained as he winked an eye at you.

You gave him a smile and he got himself into the bathroom to try on the red suit. Although there was no need to bother on going to the bathroom to get changed —since you’ve seen each other naked like a million times— he wanted to surprise you with the final result, rather than watching him during the process of getting dressed. Why? Because he absolutely loves your reactions.

“So? What do you think?” Brad asked as he stepped out of the bathroom. What he didn’t know this time was that your jaw would literally drop once your eyes fell on him.

“Holy fucking shit.” Was all you could say.

Your eyes were wide as you studied every single detail, not once finding a flaw. How can someone be this hot without even trying? He was wearing a black shirt while the rest of the suit —including his tie— was red.

“Is it that bad?” Brad asked at the lack of feedback from you.

You blinked a few times before answering; “are you kidding me? You look unbelievably handsome.”

“Do you think so?” He questioned as he stood in front of the mirror, carefully studying his reflection with his nose wrinkled. “Isn’t the colour a bit extravagant?”

“I mean, I thought that too.” You began, not being able to stop yourself from shamelessly staring at his bum. But he doesn’t have to know that. “But that was before I saw it on you. Bloody hell, red is definitely your colour.”

“Are you sure?” Brad asked again, and that was enough to tell you that he was insecure about it.

“Absolutely,” you nodded your head. “Red is definitely my new favourite colour after seeing it on you.” You said in all honesty and he gave you a small smile. “Look, if you’re not wearing that to the awards then I’ll be very disappointed.” You said as you wrapped your arms around his neck, your faces almost touching. “Trust me, you look amazing.”

“Babe, do you think I should wear my-“ Brad stopped in his tracks as soon as his eyes landed on you. “Oh, my good God.” He gasped.

You turned around as you finished applying your makeup and gave Brad a confused look once your eyes met his. “What? What is it?”

Brad shook his head repeatedly. “Nothing, it’s just that my girlfriend is the hottest thing in the world. That’s all.”

You could literally feel your cheeks going red as you shot him a small smile. “Stop.” How did he manage to make you feel like an actual school girl?

“No, I’m serious.” He said as he walked closer to you and placed a hand on your waist. “You’re absolutely stunning.”

You smiled again and pecked his lips. “You don’t have to win me over. We’re already dating, you know.” You joked before stroking the few curls growing on the back of his head.

“Just speaking the truth,” he said giving you a cheeky grin that always sends you flying —and today was no exception. He leaned over to catch your lips in his, smiling into the kiss.

“What were you about to ask me?” You panted as soon as you broke apart from the kiss.

“Oh, right.” Brad nodded his head, remembering why he went into the bedroom in the first place. “Should I wear my glasses to the awards? Because I figured I won’t be able to see shit from our seats.”

“Of course you should, baby.” He smiled at the pet name. “Why shouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know,” he hesitated his next words. “Do you think they make me look dorky?” He asked with the most adorable concerned look. He was so insecure about everything lately, you just wanted to sit down with him and lecture him on how perfect he is.

You shot him a warm smile as you stroked his right cheek with your thumb. “No, Brad.” You reassured him. “If anything, they make you look even more cute than you already are.”

Brad frowned at your last sentence. “We’ve been through this, darling. I’m not cute, I’m a man.”

“Fine,” you playfully rolled your eyes at him and decided to tease him a little bit more. “You’re a cute man, happy now?”

“That is not what I meant.”

You jumped into the limo that was waiting for the two of you outside of your house and greeted the rest of the band, who were already there.

“You look great, (y/n).” James said as he shot you a smile.

You smiled back at him. “Thank you.”

“Hey, watch it.” Brad playfully said in a warning tone. “She’s my girl.” He glared at James. And although he was kidding, everyone knew there was a bit of truth in his words.

A few minutes went by before you felt Brad shifting on his seat beside you and making quiet noises. You turned your head to be met by him frantically touching his blazer.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just trying to pin the rose,” Brad answered with his brows furrowed. (p.s here’s a video to give y’all an idea bc me writing about it doesn’t do how cute he is any justice)

“Need some help?” You asked with a raised eyebrow and an amused expression on your face. “Seems like you could poke yourself any minute now.”

“Please,” he whined and you laughed at how adorable he was. You took the little white rose in your hands and pinned it to his suit soon enough. “Thank you, love.” He smiled before kissing the top of your head.

“We’re here.” Connor announced and the five of you hopped off the limo to be met by a huge wave of cameras flashing at you.

Brad’s arm was immediately around your waist and tightly holding you close to him in a protective way. You tried to ignore all the questions the paparazzi were asking you as you made your way towards the red carpet.

Brad turned to you and your eyes finally met his. He gave you a reassuring smile. “I’m gonna go take some pictures with the boys. I won’t be long, okay?” He gently stroked your cheek with his hand.

You just nodded your head and watched him join the rest of the band on the red carpet while you stood where all the paparazzi and interviewers were standing. You watched the boys pose for an awful lot of different cameras and started wondering how it was possible for one human being to be so good looking without even trying. Brad was literally just standing there doing absolutely nothing but faintly smile, and yet it was the most beautiful thing your eyes have ever seen.

“C’mere, baby.” Brad rushed to where you were standing and you shook your head, trying to get rid of your thoughts.

You intertwined your fingers with his and he guided you to the red carpet. Your eyes wandered to look for the boys and soon you found them talking to an interviewer. Brad wrapped an arm around your waist and leaned his head down so he was whispering in your ear. “Just relax, okay? I’m here.”

You faintly nodded your head and took a deep breath just before the flash from all the cameras started blinding you.

You tried to smile at a numerous amount of cameras so you wouldn’t be looking at the same one all the time, but it was quite hard to figure which camera you were looking at with all those bright lights shining into your eyes. Brad leaned in to kiss your cheek and you subconsciously closed your eyes and smiled. The sound of various cameras shooting was heard and you made a mental note to yourself to look for that picture online later.

After a few more seconds of posing, Brad squeezed your waist gently and walked you over to where the boys were talking with the interviewers.

Just as you two stopped beside the boys, the middle aged woman who was interviewing them smiled before saying, “here they are! We were just talking about how cute you guys are.”

Brad smiled as a light shade of pink coloured his cheeks. “Thank you. Although, I must say, she takes all the credit.” He said while turning to give you a sweet smile as his hand gently stroked your waist.

You just smiled back at him, hoping the camera behind the woman wouldn’t be able to capture your flushed cheeks.

“You two have been dating for quite a while now, does it ever get hard when it comes to the distance?” She asked before placing her microphone in front of Brad for him to answer.

“Distance is definitely hard,” he began. “But we’re determined to make this work, so we try not to make it such a big of a deal, you know? Whenever I’m away for tour one of us is always trying to find some time to visit the other one.” He concluded with a sided smile.

You just kept smiling the entire time, not feeling the need to answer the questions. They were all aimed for Brad anyways.

“You must really love each other.”

“Yeah,” Brad nodded with a huge smile as he looked down at you. “I love her, she’s great.” You looked up to smile back at him.

After the boys were done with the interviews you all proceeded to the actual award show. Once you were sat in your designated seats, Brad placed his hand on your thigh and gave it a little squeeze.

“You were great, darling.”

“I just smiled the whole time.” You chuckled as your eyes met his.

“And that’s enough,” he said with a reassuring smile and you went to peck his lips. “Did I tell you how bloody stunning you look tonight?”

You shot him a wide smile. “Only about a thousand times.” You teased.

“Well, here goes again; you look absolutely stunning.” You just smiled as your eyes were still locked with his. “I love you, babe.”

I’m also leaving a few pictures of him on that goddamn red carpet cause holy mother of god, this boy is a snack lol who am I kidding he’s a motherfucking full course meal

[pinche-vida]

Stars in Your Eyes, Death at your Throat [part 5]

[Read on ao3] [first] [previous] [next]

The world is as disorienting as it has been the last few dozen times he has come to when Lance wakes up in a cold sweat. His muscles tense against the-

Sheets?

He moves the sheets that are comfortably draped over with his (free!) arm and recognizes that for the first time since this hellish turn of events, he's laying down in something reminiscent of a bed instead of strapped to a cold examiner's table.

Something (someone?) tuts and kneels beside his bed to wipe the sweat off his forehead. Lance opens his eyes and his vision is swimming. He forces it to focus on the person next to him.

Blurry blue lines fall into focus.

It's the general that attacked him.

There’s so much anger, so much fear coursing through his veins, Lance can’t tell if his blood is boiling or freezing. This monster attacked him in his sleep, kidnapped him, took him away from his family. They're the reason why he's been tortured for God knows how long.

The general rolls her eyes and grumbles “This is such glorp, why did I get stuck kit watching.” She tries not to complain out loud too much. Lotor had trusted her to keep an eye on his Altean prisoner - why Lotor had said it had to be done in one of his guest quarters was beyond her, but if he instructed her to do something, it had to have been for a good reason. She glances at Lance who's seething and she can see the bloodlust in his eyes. Unimpressed, she lightly press his shoulders to the bed. “Calm your little heart, Altean. You're safe.” She leaned back in her chair before adding, “for now, anyway.”

Lance's anger is far from gone, but the way she said that so factually is… confusing to say the least. “What are you talking about? I'm not Altean, I'm human!”

“Right," she mocks with a slow nod, "and my mother was a Balmeran.” She rolls her eyes, reaches blindly backwards, and grabs a hand mirror from a dresser behind her. She hands it to Lance who warily takes it to looks at his reflection.

He gasps. His fingers shake their way to his cheekbones, both marked with a swooping teal scale. They inch to his ears, now elongated and pointed, then to his hair (while still flawless) is completely silver. He finds himself staring into his eyes, which are still his beautiful ocean blue, but now have a lavender diamond shaped outline around his pupil.

He looks like Allura.

He looks Altean.

Even the most plausible reasoning he can think of leaves him sick to his stomach. Lance feels like his heart is beating so fast, it's going to shatter through his chest. He throws the mirror across the room as if it burned his hand and it bounces to the floor with a resounding crack.

The general uncrosses her legs and raises an eyebrow.  Whatever reaction she had expected, this clearly was not it. “H-hey,” she half-heartedly reaches out to him.

Lance pays no mind to her actions. Instead, he curls in on himself. He grabs fists full of his hair and tugs on it. “What- What did you do to me?” He repeats it, over and over again, “What did you do to me!” He screams. He tries to pull on his hair and his ears. He scratches at the marks on his cheekbones, hoping, praying it'll come off as a sick joke. It does nothing but send sharp, shooting pain across his face, but maybe he's not trying hard enough. Maybe if he sucks up the pain, he can scratch it off and look human again. Be Human again.

“What are you- are you crazy?!” The general leaps across his bed and grabs his wrists. Lance screeches for her to get off and feels terror creeping in his bones. He thinks of his mama y papa. His hermanitos, all waiting for him to come back safe and sound. He always knew how to explain a scar or even a missing limb, it's war, that's what happens in war. But this? He's not human anymore, he doesn't belong anymore. To the one place he's called home, to his family, to Voltron, to anywhere.

The tall pink general appears from the upper corner of the wall and rushes to crawl down next to him. “I got the straps Axca! It's okay little guy, it's gonna be alright!” She tries to soothe him as she restrains him, which Lance thinks would be hilarious if they hadn't just taken everything away from him.

Lance feels his wrists locks down to both sides of the bed, but still tries in vain to wrestle out of them. A few more attempts and he's reduced to erratic panting.

Axca sits back down in her seat to the right of Lance, where as the pink general has pulled up a seat to the left of him. “You could have come in a bit sooner, Ezor.”

The pink general, Ezor, sheepishly smiles, “Sorry! I thought you had it under control.”

His body is heavy with weariness and denial. Lance takes this moment to try to calm his breath and look around. While the two generals are watching him closely, he sees that the room he's in is more of a bedroom then a surgeon’s room or an interrogation area. It's painted and furnished with dark red and brown accents. Colors he frankly wasn't aware the Galra were knew existed outside of bodily fluids. The bed he's in is comfortable, plush, even. The bedroom is a decent size, it would be easy to fit in 7, maybe 8 people.

Axca clears her throat. He glares at her and see how uncomfortable she is, her eyes darting around the room. “For what it's worth, I… I’m sorry for attacking you as you slept. Prince Lotor wouldn't have sanctioned such a dishonorable or reckless abduction, but the mission came from above him.” If she thinks he’s acknowledging her half-ass apology, she was sorely mistaken. He didn't know what she expected from him; A smile? A 'no probs, I hated being human anyway, this is so much better’?

Ezor puts a hand on his bed and pats it softly, causing him to direct his attention her way. “Don't worry, buddy. If anyone can figure out what's going on, it's Prince Lotor!”

Axca hissed Ezor’s name out and gave her a pointed look.

The doors swish open and bring both generals to their feet.

Prince Lotor enters with his hand neatly tucked behind his back and stopping at the foot of Lance's bed.

“Hello Paladin, how are you feeling?”

Lance stares at the Galran Prince. “Are you serious?" He scoffs. "You kidnap me, torture me, shove your fucking hand in my gut, turn me into an Altean, and you ask me how I'm feeling? Go quiznak yourself!”

Axca visibly bristles and seethes out “How dare you speak t-”. Lotor places a disarming hand on her shoulder.

“Now, now, Axca.” He shakes his head as if teaching her how to care for a child, “Almost everything he said is true, he has a right to be upset.” Lotor turns back to Lance, “But I did not 'turn’ you into anything. You were and have always been an Altean. Judging by your hair and eyes, I would say probably more than that.”

“Bullshit,” Lance spits out, “Altean’s haven't existed in 10,000 years.”

Lotor leans his head to the side, contemplating his words. “Not… quite. While Altea was certainly destroyed approximately 10,000 deca-phebes ago, not all Altean's were lost. There were Altean's living outside of Altea, there were Altean's in orbit around the Galaxy. Our Druids are almost exclusively Altean. I, myself, am half Altean. Even your dear Princess managed to live.” Lotor sits at the base of Lance's bed, slowly removing the straps his generals fastened. “Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury to piece together how you came to be where you spent most of your time or how you didn't age. We cannot keep you here for long. In healing and studying your body, your human camouflage fell, revealing your Altean nature. Once the Druids saw you, they refused to touch you any further. Word of this inevitably reached the Witch and when she saw you with her own eyes she ran to inform my father. Unsurprisingly, she left his chamber's shortly after, arriving with the decree for your execution.”

Lance felt his heart skip a beat. “Whu… what? Execution? You just said that Alteans are still around! Why does that mean I get executed?”

“It’s to be expected.” Lotor simply states. “The Galra empire still harbor animosity to the Altean's Kingdom for ordering the destruction of Daibazaal. If we had Princess Allura in our possession, the order would be the same.”

After all the pain and suffering he’s felt over since being taken, Lance is ashamed to feel tears prick the corners of his eyes, “But I'm not Princess Allura!”

Sentry drones enter the room and Lance sees all three half-Galrans tense up.

“The High Priestess demands the prisoner is brought to his holding cell.” One of the drones vocalizes.

The sentries approach his bed and Lotor stands up. “No,” he concedes, “but you are Royalty.” They make their way to the door and leave with a final message. “Believe it or not, My father and I have different ideas, I'll do what I can for you. From one prince to another.” He pauses, at the door’s threshold. “I would not be surprised if your team is able to access our communication channel for the event - you may wish to use that time to make your peace.”

The sentries roughly grab Lance out of the bed and drag him to the hall in the opposite direction of the Prince.

They throw him into a small cell in what must be their holding cells and slam the door behind him. The floor is cold and damp, but Lance can’t bring himself to stand or even sit. So many thoughts were bombarding his mind, that it all just felt like a storm was pushing and pulling him in every direction.

Lance has always prided himself in having good judge of character and being able to read people - it’s what allowed him to be as social as he was.

And as much as he wanted to deny it, or chalk it up to some crazy Galra experiment, he could tell Lotor wasn’t lying.

Altean and a Prince.

Even he can put two and two together.

If he wasn’t about to die, he’d be more than a little grossed out with how much he hit on his (older? younger?) sister, but that’s probably the wrong thing to focus on right now.

There’s also no real point to wonder why the same guy that spent the last whatever pheobs torturing him would even bother being so nice to him all of a sudden, even though it’s clear what his brief appear meant. Lotor didn’t specify when the execution was, but if he went so far out of his way to get Lance that comfy room, it must be right around the corner. Lance crawls to the bench/bed of the left side of the room and uses it to pull himself up.

He sighs.

His hope has just about depleted, but there’s no time to resign to it. If they’re going to make a show of his death, he need to prepare himself.

The bench is bumpy, hard and unforgiving, and exactly what he needs to focus. Lance thinks back to when Allura shapeshifted to look like a Galra. He doubts he could get that good in such a short amount of time, but at the very least…

He grabs a lock of silver hair dangling over the end of his brow. He focuses (on what, he’s not exactly sure), until there is the tiniest sensation tugging up his spine to the base of his neck. Pushing, harder to channel that feeling, he smiles - a genuine smile, when he sees the bit of hair wash over in the comforting brown hue he’s used to seeing.

It wasn’t a lot, but in time like these, any victory is a good victory.

Lance sighs, and nods to himself.

They can kill him all they’d like, he’s going to make sure he can’t die.

(That's a good line, he's definitely going to use that.)

[canonandme]

Grandma (Part II)

A NeighborAU Cassian x Reader

Fandom: Star Wars

Summary: The guy next door should be responsible for the things his cat did in your house.

Part of @propertyofpoeandbucky & @the-new-fanfic-order Galactic Fanatic AU Challenge

A/N: Finally!!! After two months of writing block I come back again, check out the playlist I did for this story (hope you guys like lo-fi). And because everybody deserves to be in a rom-com with our favorite captain I’m gonna use neutral pronouns for Reader. Feedback would be cool, English is not my first language.

(Part I)

Someone knocked the door many times. ‘What was that?’ Cassian thought, even better who could go to his house on Saturday morning when he was reading a good book and drinking black coffee in peace? He tried to ignore whoever it was but knocks kept on and on. “Coming!” then Cassian felt pissed off. He opened the door… and it was you holding Grandma, your chubby white with orange Scottish Fold.

“You?!”

“Yes, me. Take us to the vet. Now” that sounded more like an order than a suggestion.

“Still with it? It’s been a while”

“Exactly a month” You said when Kaytoo showed up, when he looked at Grandma he stood in back feet and tried to reach her but you waved your hand to keep him away.

“You know I don’t have…”

“Time for this? Whatever, I don’t want to know about your busy life, take me to the vet now!”. Cassian didn’t answer you but closed the door very slowly instead not breaking eye contact with you. He tried then to go back to his book, he couldn’t, not with you knocking also kicking the door over and over.

He finally opened the door, limited to say “fine”.

The way to the vet was an awkward silence that kept going in the waiting room. Cassian sat in the same couch than you as further as he could be reading his book, you tried to entertain yourself by petting Grandma when she suddenly walked toward Cassian to laid down on his lap. For a moment you worried Cassian could get angry or set her aside… but he didn’t. Instead he closed his book to pet her in the right places, making Grandma purr. He even called her cute names in a calm tone.

The scene took you aback; you couldn’t believe the man in front of you with his cold nature showed on his face yet short temperament had a soft side too. Later you thought that it could be usual, he has Kaytoo after all, he should know how to pet it but still.

Curiosity took the best of you at the end. “You do this often?” he looked strangely at you, your question took Cassian for surprise. “You know like get along with you cat”

“Not at all. Kaytoo is a pain in the ass he doesn’t even let me pet him, when I try to he scratches me or attacks me jumping into me”

“An asshole, just like his master” you joked, he looked at you burrowed brows, he got offended by it. “As the say goes” you corrected yourself.

“Yeah, I still wonder why this cute kitty belongs to a noisy, uneasy person”

Now it was your turn to get offended but not in the way you did the first time you fought with him, more in a playful way. The dude has humor sense after all. You gasped and said: “I am really cute too, but you need to know me more”.

You lost yourself on the blurry black and white figures the ultrasound showed in its screen, trying to find something inside Grandma’s belly like one of the kittens but no, everything looked odd. Ribs? Guts? That bean shaped thing? Nothing at all until a small circle beated accelerated. “What is that?” you asked to Doctor Mothma.

“That is the heart of one of the kittens, oh look!” one of the kittens stretched inside its mom and make everyone in the room got astonished, Mrs. Mothma, her assistant, you, even Cassian who smile a little. He was happy and you couldn’t believe it. ‘Every time Cassian smiles a puppy dies’, some part of your brain joked about it making you feel guilty, the other part was still in shock, first his soft side now his smile! Too much. Cassian felt how you stared at him, felt ashamed and went again to the grumpy face, oh, good when it lasted.

“Well well, it looks that the kittens are all good, as I can see there will be five of them that can be born every moment” The session finished, you took Grandma in your lap to made your way outside, Cassian stood to talk with Mrs. Mothma.

“If you or your partner have any prob-” “wha-what?!” Cassian almost yelled at her.

“Did I say something wrong?” She didn’t understand why Cassian had to freak out.

“They’re not my partner, we’re not even dating, we’re just neighbors”

“Is that so? But you look so cute together”. Cassian didn’t believe it, he will never date you, how could he? He barely knows you and more than talk to each other both of you pick an argument so it’s impossible but… he remembered you said you had a soft cute side that shows up when someone knows you better; from where he stood he could see you tickling your cat in the belly, happy, carefree, cute even. What? No! Still impossible, he said to himself.

“Anyway here’s the bill” Mrs. Mothma said, Cassian took the paper and felt his body froze in surprise by the cost of the ultrasound, he couldn’t help to shout his head off you could hear him from you were.  

You chuckled. “We did it Grandma, what a tool”. Grandma meowed back.

A week later you ran out of cat food; poor Grandma ate too much calories for her and the pack inside her so you went to the supermarket to buy the things you will need for the kittens also groceries. You walked with your cart trough the corridors when you bumped into a girl. “Y/N?”

“Iylla?” You felt happy for find your friend. “What a coincidence, what are you doing here?”

“Well you remember Poe? He ran into a college friend, they have spent minutes talking about things I don’t understand” she pointed where his boyfriend and his friend were. You found out Poe’s friend looked familiar.

“Cassian?” You hid from him behind your cart. “You know him?”

“Well yes he is my neighbor” right then and there you had an idea; you took cans of cat food, baby blankets and whatnot. “Help me with this” you give half the stuff to Iylla, you kept the other half to yourself as both of you made your way to the cart that had Cassian’s groceries. Iylla helped you put all the things inside the cart as quiet as possible, you didn’t want Cassian to notice.

“Why do you do this?” Iylla asked confused.

“Basically his cat got Grandma pregnant so I forced him to-”

“Grandma is preggies?!” She felt too excited she forgot you were trying to hide from Cassian. It was too late, both men turn around to find you trying to run. Facepalm.

“Y/N!” Poe was glad to found you. “Oh not again” you know how Cassian felt.

“Hey! What’s up? What a coincidence” you tried to sound cool, you failed again.

“What are you doing here?” Poe asked

“Yeah I walked around, and walked around, trying to find you know, things…” you giggle nerviously. “Oh god it’s too late I. Must. Go.” You took your cart and ran away. How embarrassing. You made your way to checkouts, pay for your groceries, took your bags but you didn’t move from the front of the cash registers waiting for Cassian, for the cat food, only for the cat food. Yeah.

Ten minutes passed when he got in line then you notice something strange: everyone around him went head over heels for him; the casher, other workers, the rest of people in line, everyone. They blushed, giggle nervously, some women even bit their lips while undress him with their eyes, it was like you could read their minds. The scene made you sick, your blood boiled, your hands turn into fists, you want to punch him in the face but why? Why get angry with a man who is no related to you in any way? It’s not your problem how he lives his life and, in this case, how people react to him, then what was that? you went deep in your inner crisis until Cassian snapped his fingers in front of your face. He was angry, furrowed brows, killer sight and all that shit again.

“Don’t look at me like that!” You said.

“Then how?” Cassian said softly but with sentiment. “How could be my reaction when someone put their stuff in my cart waiting for me to pay for them?” Another day, another argument began.

“First” you raised a finger, “I’m still with my stance of you paying all needed to the kittens so get used to it. Second” another finger added, “I have reasons to be mad too, what were you doing in line?”

“Doing what?”

“Wow how modest of you, how the hell did you cast a spell on all those people?”

Cassian turned around to see the cashiers sighing, waving at him, “Oh, that”. He shrugged his shoulders “I’m not sure”.

Then you were upset. “Liar”

“It’s true” he wasn’t angry anymore, he calmly tried to defend himself. “That thing happens every time I’m on a public place, works on waiters, taxi drivers, hostesses and many others.” He said while walking to the parking lot with bags on his hands leaving you behind. You followed him close.

“How and why? It’s not like you were the most handsome man in the world”

He stopped to look at you, raised an eyebrow also smirked. “Jealous?” You felt some mockery in his voice along with confidence.

You gasped “Me? As if”

“Ok then, get in the car” Cassian took the keys to turn off the alarm of his car.

“Huh?”

“Let me take you home now that I found you here” He limited to say.

“It’s not necessary” you said, “I’m a strong independent sensual person who can take their groceries all by-” in that moment your bags broke and all your stuff fell on the floor, you stood there not knowing what to do except for let out a long loud groan in frustration. When your lungs got empty you found Cassian had already put all your stuff in the trunk and started the car engine, waiting for you.

“Get in”

“Ok”

[sapphicalexaandra]

Your Deepest Desires (2/4)

Pairing: Jace/Alec

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Summary:  The meeting with the Seelie Queen didn’t go as planned, and now Jace and Alec have to face the consequences of their awakened feelings.

Notes: A Canon Divergence, rewriting of the Seelie Court kiss (and beyond), but with Jalec. Read tags for further information.

Chapter 2

“We are buried in broken dreams.”

Izzy’d had a long day.

Preparing the Institute for the Cabinet that was set for the next day between local Shadowhunters and Downworlders leaders, while its Head was away on an important diplomatic mission, wasn’t a piece of cake. Not that Izzy didn’t excel in this kind of preparations, or that she was going to complain about her brother trusting her with this responsibility after all her recent…issues. It’s just that these particular issues had lowered her endurance considerably; an exhaustion deep in her bones that not even her Stamina rune could quench.

Consequently, she was now looking forward to burying herself into her bed in the hopes of catching some sleep, which had become far too elusive lately.

She hadn’t been prepared for what she found there, however.

Izzy had seen her big brother upset, grumpy, intolerable, distressed, set over the edge…but the mess she found curled up on her floor half-hidden behind her wardrobe was hardly recognizable as the person she loved most in this world.

“A-Alec? What happened?!” She immediately rushed over, panic setting on her, as she knelt in front of him and laid her hands on his shaking shoulders.

Alec was covering his face with his hands, but when he reluctantly raised his head to blindly stare at her, the blotchiness and utter despair in his features was unmistakable.

“Did – did someone –?” she stumbled to ask, her sense of dread only rising. The Seelies were a difficult species to handle…but could a diplomatic mission really have turned out that bad? She felt her stomach twist in knots as she started imagining the worst scenarios that could’ve reduced her brother in this state. “…Magnus? Jace? Are they –?”

“N-no…they’re – fine,” came Alec’s cracked voice, barely above a whisper.

He didn’t seem able to clarify further at her inquisitive, frantic raise of eyebrows. He simply leaned – almost smacked – his head against the wall behind him, scrunching his face in anguish, breathing hard.  

Izzy felt herself tear up against her strongest will.

“I’m here, big brother, okay? Whatever happened, you know you can count on me,” she shifted next to him, letting him rest his head on her shoulder, gripping his hands. “Anything you need…”

She held him as he kept on drawing in uneven breaths, his body uncontrollably shaking as he tried to contain the sobs threatening to burst out of him. It took a while before he had calmed down enough to let out somewhat coherent words.

“The – the Seelie Queen…sneaky, that one. A real – piece of work,” was all that he managed.

“What did she do?” she asked gently, mentally adding the Queen to her permanent blacklist.

“A test! Or they would all die – M-Magnus, J-J-Jace and the mun–vampire. Clary and I had to choose which one we wanted to…kiss the most,” he explained, laughing mirthlessly. 

“A – kiss?” Seelies sure were creative. “Then what is the prob–?” 

A pointed, piercing look from Alec reminded her of a very different conversation they’d had a long time ago.

“You – you kissed…Jace?” His lowered head was answer enough.

Of course, she had known of her brother feelings for his parabatai for a while now. She knew how much he had struggled with it, how much it had plagued him. Yet, at this point in time, after all Alec had gone through, it came as a bit of a surprise…

“Alec, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think…”

“Not as bad?! I kissed my parabatai in front of my boyfriend’s disappointed face! When I had thought – really thought that that chapter of my life was finally over, you know?” he blurted out. “That I had put an end to it! I’m – I’m happy! In a relationship for the first time in my life, with a person I like a lot! And yet, why is that – why can’t I just?!”

“Oh, Alec…”

He pulled back his hands from her hold to run them through his hair.  “After all this time, nothing has changed! Why do I still have to love the only person in the world I’m literally forbidden to love! And – and who would never…”

“Alec, you can’t beat yourself up like this over it. You can’t help–”

Alec let out another sound, like that of a trapped animal. Leaning his elbows on his knees and hiding his face in his hands again, his voice was muffled as he chanted, “Stupid – so fucking stupid…” 

“Alec, no, don’t say that, you are not stupid.” She smoothly, but firmly, tried to pry his hands away from where they were clawing at his face. She waited till he looked at her thorough his bleary eyes. “You’ve had this feelings for such a long time, you can’t expect them to just go away. It’s really not been that long…it’s only normal that you still have some residual feelings…”

“Residual feelings?!” his voice peaked at his sarcastic remark. “Residual feelings I could accept, even deal with! But this?” he pointed at himself and his current state. “If these are just some residual feelings–”

“Then you need to actually give yourself time to move on! Not by just ignoring that part of you! Look – look at me, how I tried to sweep everything under the rag in the hope it would just go away. But it wouldn’t, it kept coming back stronger and stronger…”

“Then what should I do? How am I supposed to…?” he trailed on, unnerved.

“I would like to know as much as you, I would like so much to be able to help ease your pain right now, big brother…but it’s something you have to figure out yourself.”

Alec sagged in on himself. Izzy couldn’t see him like this.

“But I’ll be here for you, whenever you need me. I’m surprised you came to me so soon...but I’m glad. After how I’ve been –” she tentatively smiled at him, to see if she could spring a reaction out of him.

“Don’t mention it.” He wasn’t looking at her. His gaze was fixed on a spot in front of him, completely spent.

Izzy doubted her words could lift him up. Was this what it felt being on this end? So useless.    

“You’ll get through this, okay?” She had to make him believe that.

Izzy went to cup his face, as a thought occurred to her. “How did the others react?”

He snorted. “I honestly don’t know. I kind of ran away. I couldn’t face them. Hell, Magnus will probably never want to see me again. And Jace will likely try to pretend nothing of importance happened…”

“You know they love you, right? I’m sure they – Magnus, especially – will understand. You need to go talk to him, you’ll see!”

“I highly doubt that…”

“And Jace! He wouldn’t want to hurt you in anyway, this won’t change anything between you two…”

“I know that. Do you think I don’t know that? But right now, I don’t need…I can’t look in his eyes and see his pity. I can’t look at him, hear him say ‘We’re brothers, of course we love each other!’ and just be okay with it…because a part of me – a part of me doesn’t want to move on, do you understand?”

Izzy, sadly, did.

“I still look at him and see everything I can’t have.” He closed his eyes again. “All the things I tried to bury…all the things I shouldn’t be feeling, they’re all on the surface now and I can’t, I don’t want to let them go just yet…I need some air.”

And just like that, he got up and started moving towards the door.

“Alec, wait!” She grabbed his arm to stop him. “Where are you going?”

“Just…out. I need to clear my head.”

Izzy went around him to look him in the eyes. “Are you sure you should be alone right now? I don’t –,” she tried to talk over his impending protest. “I don’t want you doing something stupid or...”

“Iz.” His expression softened, as he put his hands on her shoulder. “I’ll be fine.” His eyes were still red, and she remembered the sight of an unconscious Alec on the roof of Magnus’s apartment. She couldn’t be so sure about that.

“I promise,” he added firmly, seeing the concern in her eyes. “I won’t do anything stupid. Like you said…I need to figure this out on my own.”

Letting go was indeed one of the hardest things to do.

“Message me when you get back, then…please.” He nodded, and she hugged him.

Buried in her brother’s shoulder had always been one of her favorite places. He had always been her rock, like she had been his. Seeing him shaken like this, knowing how much he didn’t deserve this kind of pain in his life, hurt her more than she could say.

“We are knee deep without a plea”

Alec wandered the streets aimlessly, as if in a daze, the sinking feeling that had set on him since the moment he had realized, clawing at his insides non-stop. His sister’s comforting words had worked only for a short while, but, as the hungry tangle in his stomach slowly made its presence felt again, her advice had started to sound more and more impossible.

Why had he let Izzy see him like that in the first place?

After he had come out of the Seelie realm, not remembering in the slightest how he had got there, the sight in front of him – the lively and colorful park, the clueless passersby carelessly enjoying their everyday life – had felt so intensely separate from himself, more than it ever did. Where could he go among them, that would’ve helped him get his mind out of its feverish, panicked state?

Izzy had seemed as the most obvious, the safest answer. Izzy wouldn’t judge him, she would still love and support him, no matter how much he actually deserved it…feeling embarrassed in front of her was needless at this point. She had been there for him in this mess from the start, and he couldn’t help but hope she would be able to give some sense to the chaos around and within him.

He had felt, marginally, better, knowing that there was at least one person in his life he hadn’t irremediably disappointed and driven away. Nonetheless, he had already known she couldn’t do more than hold – or try to hold – his pieces together. The situation didn’t change.

Cause how could burying all that had resurfaced, which had caused all of this, be anything but good?

So, there he was now, desperately trying to forget, yet incapable of tuning out the memories that were still so fresh and vivid in his mind, as he barely noticed the roads he was taking or the people he passed, invisible and unnoticed. Like he had wished all his life to be as it came to the very thing that had just been shoved in his face that day…

Closing his eyes was a mistake. He could still see the scene, as clearly as it had happened, replaying in his head over and over again.

How the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind until it was too late…

How he had stood there, frozen, as a wave of all the feelings he had tried to repress and ignore all his life had come crushing down on him with a vengeance, smirking cruelly at him, making him realize exactly what he had to do…

How he had felt disgusted by himself when that hideous part of him rose to the occasion, claiming yes, take this moment, your one and only chance, make it worth it (and he had, by the Angel, he had), and, beyond all the humiliation, he had felt this fire inside of him, burning him with the strength to cross the distance and…kiss Jace. Really kiss him.

That memory now made him want to just dig a hole and bury himself in it, away from the wrongness of how…right it had felt. The rough yet smooth skin on Jace’s face as he reverently held it in his hands…the way their mouths had just fit together, the taste, the friction, the sensation of it still making him dizzy. He had lost himself to the moment completely, everything else be damned.

And Jace, Jace had kissed him back, he had opened his mouth to him and held him close like a lover would… which didn’t mean much, Alec told himself. There wasn’t much else Jace could’ve done in that moment, as well as the fact that he probably wouldn’t have wanted to hurt Alec’s feelings. He must’ve felt nauseated by it, by him; he just would never admit it to his face. He would be the one, if nobody else, to want to spare Alec that kind of humiliation.

Alec repeated this to himself as if he cared if Jace had or hadn’t liked the kiss; the first option was both impossible and something that wouldn’t change anything; the second was only reasonable. Letting himself fall into a biggest fantasy that he was living in would be his second biggest mistake of the day.

So why was he still doing it, knowing it would cause him only so much more pain when he had to start letting go of these feelings again? He should be doing it already…not thinking about them, not indulging in them, trying instead to fix the mess he had just made. That was the right thing to do.

But one moment held him back, a moment that had stuck with him more than anything else.

When he had opened his eyes as they let each other go, the face in front of him – with those mismatched, unfairly beautiful eyes staring right back at him, the swollen mouth that he had just kissed – had blinded Alec to the point where he could feel himself bleed out of all the…love he had inside. The knowledge that he would now have to lose that forever had caused a lump to form in his throat, that he had unsuccessfully tried to swallow down.

How could that be fixed? How could he face Magnus when he still tasted Jace on his lips and would like to taste him again (and again)? How could he pretend that hadn’t meant anything, when he could feel the opposite deep in his entire being?

Magnus would know the truth, as the Seelie Queen had done. Clearly, his deepest, most secret shame was marked on him like a constantly burning rune, its heat slowly consuming him from the inside-out.

And yet – what would dwell on these feelings bring to? Only more delusions and disappointment. He had known from that start, back when he had chosen to step into the circle of fire with Jace, that he would only end up hurting more people as well as himself.

His future was with Magnus, who he still honestly cared about and with whom he was building a solid relationship that he truly enjoyed. That should be his priority. If he lost that, he would’ve lost something good for nothing.

He would figure out a way to look Jace in the eyes again later…he would figure out how to forget him again later.

“I don’t want to know what it’s like to live without you”

Jace ran all the way back to the Institute, his companions far behind him, yet he still couldn’t catch up with Alec. Once home, he frantically searched for him in all his usual spots where he would go to hide: his room, the rooftop, a few backdoor corridors or empty rooms…he still couldn’t find him. He then turned to his last resort.

“Izzy! Have you seen Alec?” he asked, breathless, as soon as she opened her door.

“Hello to you, too,” she shot back, an eyebrow raised. By her worried look, by the way she took him in – with a hesitant, curious expression – Jace knew that she had seen her brother.

“Is he there with you? I really – really need to talk to him. I don’t know how much he told you…”

“He’s not here, he left a while back. And he told me enough.” Her tone was guarded, yet sympathetic.

“Do you know where–?”

“Listen, Jace,” she interrupted him, widening her door a bit more. “I think you should let him be for now.”

He blinked at her words. “Let him be? He must probably be feeling so bad about things he can’t control right now, he has to know it doesn’t change anything! Or that I – “

These thoughts had plagued him since he had seen Alec run away. His parabatai driving himself crazy over the entire thing, as if he was to blame, doing something stupid to make up for it or something…and the turmoil of emotions that had been coming his way from their shared bond didn’t reassure him one bit.

Jace had to find him. Tell him that he would always be by his side, that he didn’t have to feel ashamed about his feelings…he had known for a while now, and he had never stopped thinking the world of his parabatai. He had, admittedly, thought that they had more or less gone away, considering how happy he had been lately, with Magnus. And they had also never explicitly talked about it. Still, nothing had to change. They were parabatai, by the Angel, and they had been through much worse!

Yet, two piercing eyes at the back of his mind – staring into his soul, all the depth of the emotions in them openly shining through – put a nagging thought in him. How could things stay the same after witnessing, being at the receiving end of, the exact intensity of Alec’s love for him? He felt an ache in his stomach at just the thought.

“That’s exactly part of the problem, Jace,” Izzy cut in, stern, but not unkind. “He just – he needs space. To let what happened go, to let you go…he doesn’t need to know what he already does right now. His feelings…are not just something you can accept and move on from. You…they are a real burden to him! And he can’t deal with it if you’re always there, unaffected by all of it.”

“You think…I’m unaffected?”

To think that what he saw as his way of unburdening his parabatai could be perceived as him being unconcerned, as if he hadn’t as much at stake in their relationship, made him uncharacteristically angry at Izzy.

“I know that this is difficult for him! But I can’t just let him deal with this alone, not when I hurt when he hurts, not when it can drive a wedge between us…forever!” He swallowed hard at that.

“I hear you, Jace.” She put a hand on his shoulder, ignoring his troubled expression. “But if you try to push in, he’ll only push you back further. I’m not saying for much time, but I really think it’s better you left him alone…only until he’s ready to come back to you.” She smiled encouragingly at him, and Jace sighed, his anger fading, resigning to her logic.

Another thing he absolutely didn’t want was overstepping his parabatai’s needs. 

“Just tell me – how was he exactly?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking,

Izzy’s smile turned into a sad frown, which told him more than she could say. “Go rest for a while, okay? You look like you need it.”

Jace could only nod and bid her goodnight.

Going to sleep turned out to be more difficult than Jace expected…or as he expected.

Even though at some point, the whirlwind of distressing emotions coming from his parabatai had settled into a subduing sadness, which meant Alec had at least calmed himself enough to not be overwhelmed anymore, Jace still felt worry tightening his stomach. He kept wondering where Alec was, if he had come back, wishing he could go check and talk to him if he was there, but not daring to, not after his conversation with Izzy.

Thus, he was left on his own, and he tossed and turned in his bed, trying to find a comfortable position, when really all he needed was to stop thinking.

Cause now that the immediate problem could not be addressed, and the intensity of the initial humiliation, shock and panic had subsided, Jace had no more excuses to block his own whirlwind of emotions.

The fact of the matter stayed that Alec had kissed him and he…hadn’t disliked it. Which was a euphemism. He had genuinely…actively…enjoyed it. 

Of all the years he had grown to know and love Alec, something like this had never occurred to him.

He remembered that time, a few years back, when he had first realized that what Alec felt for him was not entirely brotherly. He had been surprised, but it hadn’t seemed to him like that big of a deal. Sure, that kind of feelings were forbidden for parabatai, but he had personally thought it was only normal to have them. He and Alec were closer than most, so what if Alec had wished they were even closer? He had felt the same for many of the women he had been with. He knew pleasure, he understood sex, he couldn’t very well blame Alec for wanting the same for himself.

But Jace had never really understood anything. His flings had been just that…nothing that seriously mattered to him, nothing that could go against his father’s teachings.

To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed.

No matter how much he hated to admit it now, Valentine had had that much influence in his life, in his choices, that even now it was hard to let those beliefs go, after they had been ingrained in him so deeply.

Until Clary, he hadn’t dared to let himself feel anything that resembled love, anything that could weaken him or the other person involved. 

Except, that he had. He had loved – still loved – someone more than he ever did anybody else. And that person had always been Alec.

When he had first arrived in New York, he had felt himself grow attached to that kid who had welcomed him with a shy smile and an awed look. And he had let him in, he had let Alec see him at his most vulnerable, and in turn Alec had done the same to him. His affection for him eventually arrived at a point where Jace felt like he never would’ve wanted to be parted from Alec, ever. And that had driven him into a panic.

Remembering his pet falcon, the same fear he felt back when he still lived with his father had took ahold of him again. He was letting himself be weak, when all he was supposed to do was train to become the best warrior in existence…and that was when it had occurred to him.

Parabatai draw strength from each other and are the best in battle.

It had been the best, the only acceptable solution to turn around that fatal flaw in his life, and Jace had never looked back.

That was how it had always been: on one end, his bond with Alec, the deepest and most sacred thing in his life; on the other, the concept of ‘love’ he attempted with other people, but that had never really done anything for him. Or that only ended up in disappointment, like with Clary. Those were two things so separate and distinct, irreconcilable in his mind, that having them suddenly collide…had thrown him entirely out of the loop. He felt unhinged, his entire world turned irreversibly upside down. 

Cause what if all this time…what if it had always been…what if he had unknowingly but consciously misinterpreted, masked his feelings, especially from himself, to try and put them in a box his father, if not approve, would accept…what if he had put Alec, and himself, through all of this, because he had let Valentine, and his fear of him and his judgment, rule his life…

Cause the truth was, he was now a burden to Alec.

He knew that wasn’t exactly what Izzy had meant, but knowing to be the reason of his parabatai’s distress hurt him profoundly. Feeling that their closeness brought him such pain was reason to doubt anything Jace held dear. Questioning if it might stem all from his own cowardice made him feel sick with himself.

In the end, the only thing he was certain of in those last moments before losing consciousness, swimming in a sea of burning eyes and warm lips, was that he couldn’t, wouldn’t lose Alec.

“Did we ever see it coming?”

It was late in the night, far too late for a visit to be polite, yet Alec couldn’t wait till the morning.

The door opened on its own after only a few knocks. He had thought he would have to beg his way in.

Magnus was on the other side, dressed for the night, a drink in hand Alec already felt guilty about, and a guarded expression on his face. He regarded him as Alec entered, nodding to himself.

“Magnus…” Alec started, a strain in his voice. He didn’t know how to finish. There were no words true enough, beside the truth…and that wasn’t acceptable. “I’m so, so sorry. I–”

“Don’t,” Magnus interrupted him, smiling at him.

Wait, what?

“There is no need for apologies.”

That was the last thing Alec had expected to hear. “But…”

“It was…a blow, for all of us,” his boyfriend continued, undeterred. “Especially you, I see.”

Alec felt far too conscious about his swollen face and shabby attire, but he couldn’t care about himself in that moment.

“It was a blow, but not a shock,” Magnus went on. “Or it shouldn’t have been a shock, you figure? This was the first thing I ever knew about you, beside that you were a good shot,” he hinted at a smirk.

The incident with the memory demon had also been burned into Alec’s mind and soul for all eternity, like this one would be. He didn’t need the reminder. He could painfully see the relevance, however.

“And we all forgot, didn’t we?” Magnus let out a light, bitter chuckle. “But I know, better than most at least, how people and the feelings you have – or had – for them, have the tendency to come back when you least expect it. What matters is how we deal with it.”

Alec took that as his clue. “I know! And I will - this will all be forgotten again, I promise. I – I might still feel something for Jace, but I honestly, genuinely care about you and I want this to continue…”

Magnus smiled again, and there was something sad in his smile.

“Is that really all it is? You ‘feel something’?” he put in, raising an eyebrow.

Alec was left gaping for words, in the desperate search for the right way to explain himself.

“Alexander…”

“Wait! You need to listen, okay, I–”

“Alexander…you don’t have to explain what you feel to me, and you don’t have to forget about it. It’s important that we don’t fool each other.”

“I’m not fooling you…”

Magnus came forward, snapping his drink away, and put his hands gently on his shoulders. Alec felt like he was living a fever dream.

“I know you aren’t, I’m not saying that. I’m saying that what happened today has shown that both of us have things we must deal with on our own. Both of our pasts have been brought up to us again in the most unpleasant of ways…and it’s neither of our faults. Seriously, Alexander, I don’t want you to blame yourself for what happened.”

Alec didn’t know about that. He didn’t know what to think either, what to feel. Should he be relieved? Magnus wasn’t mad at him. But his words…sounded final.

Was he ready to lose Magnus? Could Alec fight for his relationship? Should he? Did he want to fight for it? He had worked so hard to have it, and yet…

Not knowing the answer to either of those questions kind of made the next words simpler to accept.

“Trying to move on from someone with someone else…I’m afraid, it doesn’t really work. All the people involved often end up getting hurt…” Alec lowered his eyes in shame. “And it’s not fair to anyone. Alexander, look at me.”

Alec reluctantly complied. Magnus’s eyes were genuinely full of affection as he looked up at him, and Alec had genuinely grown to love him. Why couldn’t that had been enough?

“This is not goodbye…or it isn’t, necessarily. We’ll still see each other, won’t we? Shadowhunters-Downworlders meetings? And you can always ask for my help, you know that…I might not answer every time, but I’ll always be the High Warlock of Brooklyn and you the Head of the New York Institute. And I’ll always care for you. But I really think we need to take some time apart…and what do you know? If it’s meant to happen, we might find each other again.”

Alec closed his eyes then, as Magnus hugged him. What did they know, indeed?

It was pointless, to say the least, trying to filter all that he was feeling, as he morosely made his way back to the Institute. He had nothing more to do than resign himself to the cloud of foggy, grey sadness so eager to take ahold of his heart. He didn’t think it would ever go away. 

So, what now? He couldn’t refrain from asking himself.  

Funny, how things worked. If he had known that he would have to face the biggest humiliation of his life, fulfill his deepest desire and lose his boyfriend all in the same day, with one swift move…would the outcome have changed?

Doubting he would like the answer, knowing his miserable, pathetic self had everything coming for him, he mentally prepared himself for the next day when the Cabinet with the Downworlders would take place. It would be a feat in and on itself, but most of all he would have to do his job and act normal all while trying not to instantly implode at the sight of the people who knew.

Jace would be there running security…and Alec still didn’t know how to face him.