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#Shameless sapphic yearning
geospark · 1 year
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I've been in a bit of a angy and meh mood today so i didn't have the right headspace to think about girls.
But I'm in a better one now. So without further adew
Is this thing on?? Tap tap
GIRLS AND NONBINARY FOLKS OF COLOR!!!!!
Ahem, yall are amazing, I don't care, if people think your "extra"; you are standing out. And that what FUCKING MATTERS. IM EXTRA, I'm fluffy hair and big clothing that I shouldn't be wearing. SO LETS BE EXTRA TOGETHER. I'll be accepting of you, and you the same to me, if ya dig that. Let's get kitted out with our styles, and accessories, and go for a walk and talk. I don't care where. We'll figure that out later. Hand in hand. We can both have killer kicks. So our strides can easier match with eachother.
Read more?
In elementary school,
I used to be sitting on a bench or sidewalk, onlooking girls who, of course, were different from me. not different in a bad way, but different in a oh so good way. I'd look at my palm, and I'd look at theirs, I felt nothing but curiosity to understand. I'd look at my hair, And I'd look at theirs, "it's different" I thought, I wanted to know more. I wanted to talk to them. Because even their voices were different than mine. Their lingo intrigued me. So I started remembering their ways of speech. "No one else talked like that" I thought. So I wanted to hear it more. It was like I wanted to be mister world wide.
The only thing stopping me was the fact every single type of folk bullied me. Mexicans, People of Color, and regular old cracker shitheads. YES I THREW THAT INSULT IN THERE. I'm a cracker too so pbthhh.
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nnight-dances · 1 month
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CASUAL
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PAIRING: karina x fem!reader
GENRE: fluff, angst, smut (explicit, but not too much?)
TROPES: fwb to lovers except you're roommates and best friends, unrequited love but not really.
LISTEN TO: casual by chappell roan
NOTE: i may be having a bit of a military wife moment rn but i'm still a sapphic at heart yearning for something more... my first gay fic i've posted on this account yay! cannot reveal if ive been in a similar situation but you could say this is based on real life! whose life, i will not say. hope u enjoy and stay safe everyone <3
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knee-deep in the [twin bed] and you're eating me out
you want to say you're in control when it happens, but you'd be a big fat liar if you did. truth be told, karina had you wrapped around her finger since she moved in. (in more ways than one, if you catch my drift.) 
you met her late freshman year in college when you shared a gender studies course with her – which alone would've been enough of a clue to which ways she swings, if not for the black leather jacket and unnecessary amount of rings she wore to class. she'd sat next to you the first week in and approached you after class. "this class is a bore," she said as a matter-of-factly, "wanna get coffee with me?" 
you'd agreed because you were mesmerized (even though secretly, that was the favorite course you took that year) and followed her into a cafe, letting her sweet talk you into all kinds of things from there. she had a big friend group which welcomed you generously when they found out you were friends with karina and eventually, that became your everyday life. 
you worked on papers sincerely while karina watched you with an unreadable glint (maybe it was unreadable, maybe you didn't want to read too much into it), swirling her untouched coffee. eventually one day, she asked you, "wanna be roommates next year?" 
that was karina. easy-going and confident. she didn't hesitate to ask you to do things with her, even if they were often bending the boundaries of what friends could do. exhibit a: she'd asked you to make out with her at a party just so she could shake off a creep. in general, she was touchier than the normal person, finding a way to cup your stomach under your shirt when you weren't looking. you get the idea. 
that's how when she moves into the same room as you sophomore year, you lost all sense of self and reality. you have to thank your mom who convinced you to arrive on campus a day earlier than most, so you could settle in without the bothersome crowd. 
you're in the middle of fixing a poster of your favorite band, the strokes, in the wall when she lets herself in with a, "you're already here, jagiya!" you almost lose your footing on your chair in order to face her, heart already a fluttering mess thanks to her shameless flirting. 
"karina!" you call out, thrilled to see your friends, complications aside. you step down carefully before throwing yourself in her waiting arms. "you're here earlier than i thought."
she pulls away with a devilish grin, "missed you too much so i came early." she looks around the room, "i see you've already made this place home."
you smile, unsettled by the way she's still holding you in her arms, your bodies attached at the hip as she takes in her home for the next year. she smells like she always does: like grapefruit and spicy cedar. you feel relaxed in her embrace, taking in her appearance. she's wearing a cropped tank with a large flannel that slips off her shoulder thanks to the heavy tote she carries.
with a sigh, you take the tote off her. "your hair grew longer," you comment as you place the bag on her desk. karina does a little spin for you, giving a full view of the wavy locks that came all the way to her navel. it only made her that much more charming (you couldn't resist wanting to know what it would feel like to run your fingers through them). 
you watch as karina lugs all her stuff into the room, refusing your help with a strict look. "can't have you spraining something already, jagiya," she quips and that's all it takes for you to sit back obediently. she takes off her flannel, letting you take in her arms. was it just you or did her biceps get bigger? (it wasn't just you. karina spent her summer the gym rat way.)
"you barely have any stuff…" you murmur mindlessly when she's nearly done in half an hour. for reference, it took you three whole hours for two days to set your stuff in place.
"you just have a lot of stuff," karina laughs, closing her closet with a satisfied clap. "thoughts on ordering in for din'?"
you raise a brow, "shouldn't we at least go see if everyone's back?"
she shrugs, "we can just go after we eat." she approaches your bed, resting her forearms next to you. "come on, i don't feel like eating that prison food just yet."
despite karina's exaggeration (your dining hall makes perfectly edible food), you let karina order for you. who are you kidding? the thought of sharing a meal with your newly established roommate in your new room on your first day together… it was sweet, you had to admit. so you give in and tell karina exactly what toppings you want on your bowl. 
but where you had expected to bond in all kinds of cozy ways with karina, the night quickly an unexpected turn. you're not sure how it happens but you end up caged under karina's body on your bed. her hot breath is hitting your face, "you got even prettier over the summer, huh?"
her words make it harder to think. to think about how this your best friend slash roommate slash the person you would do anything for. fuck, it's too late and you're too helpless when it comes to her. karina's already sliding her hand down your stomach, eliciting a mewl of her name from your throat. 
she looks pleased, chesire grin lighting up her face when she reaches your panties. "mhm, karina–" you claw at her shoulder when a cold finger meets your slick folds. she kisses your cheek and then your mouth, so strong that you can't do anything but hold her closer to your chest till she's ripping a scream from you. 
"karina, what are we doing?" you cry out, still coming down from your orgasm. what the fuck, this not a situation to be with your roommate.
"what?" she whispers, lips attached to your neck without a care in the world, "i'm just doing what i've been wanting to all summer."
"okay, that's enough," you push her off until you're both sat. you're breathless so it doesn't help the gravity of the glare you hold karina captive under. she sits back on her palms, eyes hooded. 
"we're friends," you start and sensing the protest rising in her, you hold up a hand, "and roommates. you know what they say about that, don't you?"
"don't shit where you eat," she deadpans, "but i don't care. i'm not shitting anywhere. i like you, you like me. that's why we're friends. if we want to fuck around a little, what's the big deal?"
you contain a scoff at how unbothered she is. at the same time, her words stab you in the heart, the subtle friendzoning nature of them not going unnoticed (that's why we're friends? what if you wanted to be more?)
"listen, jagiya," karina shifts dangerously closer, a thumb wiping away the sweat on your lip. "it's chill. we don't have to if you don't want to. but i'll tell you right now; i want to do things with you."
"things?" you breathe even though you know you shouldn't fall into her trap.
"yeah," she caresses your cheek, licking her lips, "want to kiss you. make you come. that sort of thing."
you fall against her weakly, feeling the soft strands of her hair envelope you like a dream. with your eyes closed, all you can feel is warmth of her body and none of the cold of her words (kiss, fuck, chill. no love.) 
"only if you let me eat you out, too," you finally murmur against her skin. feel her shake with laughter.
"thought you'd never ask."
you wake up in karina's arms. she'd dozed off in your bed as if hers wasn't two hops away. the thoughts makes you flushed (despite everything) and you turn around to face her. she's still asleep, peaceful as ever. you trace the mole below her lips, envious of how little she was attached to you.
not to drown yourself in self-pity, you had always been too attached to karina for your own good. a week into being friends with her, you would jump at a text from her, dropping everything to meet at her the cafe she had wanted to try or to help her get ready for a party. 
but it wasn't without reason. she was sweet to you, genuinely. karina sensed your moods smoothly, knowing when your silence was more than comfortable and when your drunk crying meant you were actually upset over something. she listened to you, no matter how little you claimed the problem to be, her reliable shoulder always yours when you were in trouble.
so you couldn't blame the butterflies in your stomach at waking up with her. right?
"we never made it to meeting our friends," karina mumbles through a yawn later. you're both in the middle of getting ready for the day, thankfully still a grace day before classes start. 
"you clearly had other plans," you purse your lips in the mirror, working on fixing a bump in your hair. stupid karina and her arm under your head all night. 
she comes up behind you with a playful smile, taking the brush from your hands to rake it through your hair herself. "you say that like you didn't have fun," she says. she brings your hair into a bun, taking a hairtie off her wrist to secure it in place. patting your head with eyes on you in the mirror, "there. you look cute."
you heave a deep sigh at the motions that stir up at her actions, sliding away to pretend to busy yourself with your bag. "we should go meet them today," you say, "or they might declare us dead."
"definitely," karina laughs.
meeting your friends helps you a little. maybe it's because you're seeing them after so long or maybe it's just the fact that you have normal friend feelings for them. but it's nice, you can lose yourself in a nonsense conversation with seungkwan about your recently acquired obsessions with various mobile games.
he's in the middle of offering to show you his brand-new coffee machine when karina shouts, "guys! gather up! minjeongie is driving us to get ice-cream! on her!"
you spot the short blonde attacks on karina at the presumably false declaration. your rommate dodges well, bent in a fit of laughter at minjeong's tantrum. "okay, i lied! everyone buy your own ice-cream."
as it turns out, minjeong's car is definitely not big enough to fit all 8 of your friends. "looks like we're fighting it out the fairest way," seowon declares, readying her fist for rock paper scissors. 
"since only five of us can go," karina starts, somehow finding her way next to your side. you shiver when her hands clasps yours. "minjeong, y/n, and i are definitely going."
you watch in shock as everyone wreaks havoc at her words. "now why would we allow that–"
"see, it's technically just two seats taken," she explains calmly, "y/n's sitting on my lap anyway." you gape at her audacity as she holds up your intertwined hands, like a wedding announcement.
you try to weasel out of her grip, mumbling, "that's fine. i don't really want to go–"
"what? of course you do," karina's hand tightens and you curse her strength, "you love ice-cream, jagiya. come on. let's go."
your friends seem dubious of the interaction but with a few statements along the lines of they're in their honeymoon phase as roomies, they return to the rock-paper-scissors battle at hand, now the stakes reduced to four seats now. 
"calling shotgun by the way!" karina calls as she pulls you after. you don't know what to say honestly, overwhelmed by her hand in yours. you had expected her to pretend things were the same as always but clearly not: you had never gone as far to sit in her lap with your friends around (alone was a different story. but you swear you'd only ended up in her lap because she'd wanted to hug you through your breakup with your ex.) 
"karina, you're crazy," you tell her, finally shaking your hand free. you cross your arms and karina simply takes a chug of water from the brita in geum's minifridge. 
"why? because i volunteered my lap so we'd get to go?"
before you can really give her a piece of your mind, minjeong interrupts. "looks like they figured out the winners. we're leaving in the next five minutes or the offer's off the table."
– 
two weeks and your mom invites me to [lunch]
"y/n, it's so nice to see you again," karina's mom is saying, sliding a menu toward you. thanksgiving week was around which meant parents were abundant on campus these days. it also meant your own mom couldn't make it because she was swamped with work, no thanks to her job as an on-field reporter. 
"of course, you've lost so much weight since we last met, eommeoni," you smile.
this is fine for the most part of it. you genuinely enjoy karina's mom's company. she's kind and sincere, always bringing a gift for you along with karina and treating you like her own. but this time around it's different because it's the first time you've been sleeping with her daughter.
in fact, just that morning, karina had kept you in bed longer than usual, complaining because you had gone to bed earlier than usual. it had been part of your plan to keep your conscience clean for when you met her mother, to make sure you didn't lose her respect. but being the nefarious idiot she was, karina had crawled up your torso, eyes going sweet at you, "please, just once?"
so now you had a dirtier conscience than usual, having been panting in karina's lap just hours before this lunch. 
but even if you tried to maintain composure in front of her mom, karina made it impossible. she slid close to your shoulder, hand splayed across your bare thigh (curse you and your decision to wear your sundress out today). it's honestly harmless and even excusable as a friendly gesture, but ever so occassionally, her hand climbs up, reaching closer and closer to a position that was far from appropriate.
"so tell me, do you two have any classes together this semester?" karina's mom asks you between mouthfuls of rice. you take the chance to peel karina's hand off but it ends up at your knee like a magnet. 
"not really," karina answers easily as if unaware of the power struggle going under the table. probably because she was winning by a mile. 
"i told karina she should take an elective with me but she refused," you complain, deciding if this was the way you could hit back then so be it.
"i think you forgot to mention it was an economics elective," she corrects you, hand basically clawing at your inner thight by now. you shift uneasily and karina's mom laughs.
"you know jimin," she shakes her head, "she doesn't take the serious courses. only painting all day long."
"eomma," karina groans, "how many times do i have to tell you? it's not just painting. i'm an arts major. that's like the second hardest major at this school."
"really? what's the hardest major?" (the only right question for a mother to ask.)
the rest of the lunch goes by quickly, fortunately for you. you're the first out the door, eager to put some distance between you and karina. you pretend to fan yourself out of the hot mess she's made of you.
"i have to say," karina's mom says as she gets ready to leave, "you two seem to have gotten closer since you started rooming together."
"really?" karina wonders as if clueless to the arm around your shoulder, where it had been the whole walk back to campus from the restaurant. (insufferable, you whisper to her. cute, she accuses you.)
"thanks for sticking next to her, y/n. who knows where my little girl would be without you?"
you brush of karina's mom's words of flattery, not voicing the thoughts that arise. where would i be without your daughter? 
– 
i know what you tell [our] friends
imagining a life without karina becomes terribly real when it becomes clear to you that karina truly has no intentions of treating as anything more than a friend who she sleeps with and not just as roommates. 
it's a cold slap of reality that you finally feel one day when you're eating with minjeong and seungkwan. karina's next to you, like she so often is, hand on your elbow for no good reason.
"so everyone's been wondering…" minjeong starts to say and seungkwan shoots her a glare, realizing where this was going.
"...are you two a thing?" she points to the point of contact between you and karina.
"what?" you squeak, pulling away at the call-out. but your mind goes blank, all the excuses you had practiced in your head deserting you. you had expected someone to catch on sooner or later, but somehow right now all you can think of is how you already miss karina's touch. i'm in love with her, it occurs to you to say. (wait, you love her? you wonder distantly as if the answer hadn't been crystal clear the minute she crossed lines with you.)
karina shrugs, "we're fucking. but it's casual. no attachment or anything." she adds with an arm around you, "just girls being girls, right?"
you muster out a laugh to agree with her, ignoring the concerned look seungkwan pins you with. minjeong seems convinced though, "no way! you're sleeping together? i guess it must be convenient… you live together."
"yeah, you could say that," this time it's you responding, swallowing the tremble in your throat. you'd rather die than let karina get a whiff of your true feelings. you stand up.
 "it's easy." it's the hardest. "not a big deal." you thought about it every waking second. "i have class now though. see you guys later." 
you did not have class. you ran to the nearest bathroom stall to lock yourself in and let out the sobs that had been threatening your system for the past three weeks. you make sure nobody can hear you and then wipe your tears with the spare tissues you carry in your bag. 
you leave, hoping nobody notices your red eyes. 
that night, you go to your room later than usual, counting on karina to be asleep. you should know better though because she's up, in nothing but her night shorts, sitting on your bed. 
it almost frustrates you for a moment, the sight of her curled up so comfortably on your bed like you were lovers. but you weren't. you weren't even close. but she perks up like maybe you are, calling out your name sweetly, "you're so late today. is everything okay?"
"yeah," you say, not making eye-contact for too long as you rest your bag on your desk. you contemplate leaving the room just so you didn't have to feel this hot volcano erupt in your chest. but instead, you undress, aware of karina's unwavering gaze. you make sure to slip off your pants and put on a baggy shirt. no shorts, like karina liked.
"we're a fully dressed person put together," she liked to joke when she'd bring your bodies close. you laughed along but all you wanted was to actually be one person with her. maybe that would justify why you were so attracted to her. 
"come on,," she coos when you jump into bed. "i know something's wrong. your eyes are red. your shoulders heavy."
"can't lie for one second with you, can i?" you sigh into her skin when she hugs you. 
"sorry, jagiya. maybe if i was a man, you could get away with it."
maybe that would make it easier. if one of you was a man. at least then someone would bat an eye at the concept of a no strings attached situationship between best friends. you were practically begging for someone to object to its apparently platonic nature. (you were begging yourself.)
"i didn't even shower," you complain when she explores your bare stomach with her fingers.
"it's fine. we'll just take one in the morning."
she holds you to the promise, waking you up half an hour earlier than usual just so she could drag you into the shower. two girls showering together, a sight nobody would see because it was dead quiet until an hour from now. 
– 
i try to be the chill girl 
you knew it was too good to be true, your friends-with-benefit situation with karina. but now that your feelings are actually catching up to you, you can barely hold in the tears that overwhelm you when you look at her.
then, when you finally decide to suck it up and show up to dinner with your friends, it all goes south. thanks to some dumb group project karina's doing, a guy named taeyong was at your table. you knew him by name from college gossip. he was fit to be the protagonist of a rom-com, nice guy with the looks to go with it and he was friendly, fitting right in with the group of friends. 
bitterly, you reflect on how long it had taken you, in comparison, to warm up to everyone. a month, maybe? plus, he looked perfect next to karina, their unusually good looks matching each other's quality.
you're not the only thinking that because geum pipes up, "you two look good together! when's the wedding?"
seowon hits his arm though most of the people on the table join in laughter. (you don't.) "come on, you can't force it, geum," she says, "they're clearly still getting to know each other."
"so it'll be official in say, a week from now?" minjeong teases, earning herself a blush from taeyong. karina is unruffled but she does smile a little at the teasing comments, side-eyeing the boy next to her.
right. they did look good together. 
much to your discomfort, karina and taeyong only seem to become closer, with the latter frequenting your table at every meal. he assimilated easily with the group, already circulating inside jokes that you were conveniently not a part of.
speaking of which you were circulating a word tornado yourself: casual, no attachement, chill, convenient, easy… not a big deal. as taeyong became a regular with your friends, you became increasingly absent, coming up with excuses to take your meals at much earlier or later hours.
you're officially spiraling, doing your best to avoid karina. but avoiding karina meant avoiding your friends. it was a harsh truth but you came to realize you were only friends with them because of her and if you decided to break things off with her, you'd also end up a loner.
it was a cold, miserable place to be in, your mind. you left your room early and came back late to karina asleep. she'd tried to stay up for your sake a few times but you'd made your arrivals later and later, until she gave up and went to sleep. 
you know you can only avoid her for so long before she caught you and grilled you but for now, you just had to come up with a way to keep yourself occupied. that afternoon, you get a text from her, asking to talk to you after dinner. you leave her on read for hours before texting back a quick "sure," afraid to go too far. you may be mad at karina for treating you in ways that left you confused, but you didn't actualy want to hurt her. 
but come the time when finally face her and you realize it may be too late. 
"so… why exactly have you been avoiding me?" more than anything, karina's voice is weary. she appears worried when you first take a seat across from her but when you don't look like you're in actual physical pain, her expression morphs into one of frustration.
"i'm not," you sigh, "i'm just busy."
"busy during every single meal? busy enough to leave before i wake up?"
"i'm taking more classes than usual," you say and though it's the truth, it's far from being the reason why you were acting this way. karina seems to know this. 
"i'm taking an art class that has me staying back in the studio till 11," she tells you. only then, you notice the black charcoal marking her cheek. "but i still come home."
"sorry," you mumble, averting your gaze. "i'm not– you didn't do anything. i'm just… thinking through some things. i'll come back to the room earlier today."
"great, so now we're not close enough for you to share your thoughts with me?" this time karina actually sounds hurt. it was the indication of your friendship finally falling apart that has her sitting forward, eyes blinking in panic. "y/n, what the fuck?"
what the fuck, indeed. you try your best to reassure karina but it seems like she's done talking to you after that point so you see yourself out. a small part of you manages to wonder whose jacket was laid across the chair next to her. taeyong?
you find the answer the hard way when you come back to your room at a reasonable hour for the first time in a week. only to run into taeyong himself.
he seems like he's in a hurry when you step in, rushing to put his jacket on (yes, the jacket that you saw next to karina earlier today) and avoiding your gaze. you don't even pretend to seem pleased encounter him there.
you fix your glare on karina, kneeling on her bed. she lets out a sigh when she sees you. "you're finally back."
you watch as taeyong leaves without a goodbye and you scoff, "i feel like i interrupted something. maybe i shouldn't have come back." you feel the blood rush to your head, all your convictions to lay out your unreciprocated feelings out to karina because she deserved an explanation.
right now, you just feel empty. and mad. so as soon as you rest your bag, you get to changing. but not into your night clothes.
"are you going somewhere?"
"...maybe."
"and what happened to our talk earlier?"
with a huff of disbelief, you throw your sweaty shirt on your bedroom floor. "well, i decided it meant nothing when i saw that guy leaving our room."
"taeyong?" karina looks baffled and you want to shake some sense into her so bad.
"yeah, i don't know, karina, the thought of you already replacing me with some dude–" you cut yourself off when your voice breaks. "it's not a great feeling. so i'm just gonna leave."
"wait, what?" karina jumps out of her bed. "is this what you've been mad about all week?"
you pause your angry movements about your space when she comes close to you, touching your arm, first contact in days. you breathe unevenly, "karina, i just need some time–"
"are you crying, jagiya?"
you want to say it's stupid nickname that gets to your nerves finally breaking your walls down. but really, it's the warmth in her tone, the sound of her breath hitting your ear so close. you'd missed karina. that's why you end up sobbing, arms finding her neck to support you. 
"karina, i'm–" she rubs your back calmly through your sobs. "i'm sorry."
"what's wrong, baby? why are you crying? please, talk to me."
"i think… i'm in love with you."
your confession is quiet, just like your love for karina has always been. actually no, that's what you want to think but no, your love is loud: you look for her in every room you enter, hands already welcoming hers when she runs over to you. you're the first to laugh at her jokes, no matter how nonsensical or how many times she's told them to you. you may be a flustered mess when things got intimate, but you always made sure karina felt good, too – going far beyond your comfort zone to please her.
karina pulls away with a soft gasp. "that's not what i expected you to say."
"i know," you sniffle. "but it's been killing me. i know you wanted to keep things casual. and i know you and taeyong are–"
"okay, just so we're clear for once and for all– there is nothing between me and taeyong."
you freeze in shock, having been rock-solid in your assumption of their relationship. "what?"
"come on, i barely know the guy. but apparently, everyone's teasing got to his head," karina sighs, "he came here to confess to me earlier today. and i rejected him."
now his urgency to leave the room makes even more sense, you realize slowly. but you realize another thing: karina had looked cold when you'd entered, ending things with him clearly. yet, here you were, standing with her arms around your waist as if you hadn't declared your love for her.
"...and?" you prod her, biting your lip hopefully.
"and?" karina echoes you, eyes locking in yours to understand your hint. "oh, you wanna know how i feel?"
you nod coyly, a stray tear falling down your cheek as if on cue. 
"well, let's start with a recap of this week. you ignored me so i felt like shit for most of it. and then you ignored me some more and i had to go to sleep lonely and sad. then, you stopped showing for meals so i didn't even want to eat anymore. what happened next? oh right, this evening. i had to practically beg you to talk to me–"
"okay, i get the idea!" you stop her with a groan, "i'm sorry, but i clearly had good reason to act the way i did."
"did you?" karina is suddenly holding your face, smiling turning bittersweet. "you idiot."
"huh?"
"i wanted to keep things casual because i wasn't sure how you felt about me. i wanted you to keep your options open till someone who you actually liked came along–"
"but–"
"this was long before i knew you were into me like that. you're really hard to read, you know? but yeah, i kept things casual because i'm selfish. i wanted to sleep with the girl i love without losing her friendship. i was obviously an–"
"idiot!" you hit karina's arm repeatedly at her revelation, tears filling up your vision yet again. "you love me?! why would you do that to me, then? are you–"
karina catches your fists in her with a heave, "i know, i know. i'm sorry, jagiya. but–" she brings your first to her chest, exposed by the deep neck of the tank she wore to sleep. "i'm serious about you, okay? i didn't want to gamble someone i cherished over some fucking around."
your body feels weak now that the truth is out in the open. you lean into karina. "you're so mean," you say into her neck, "i thought… you were chill."
she laughs at your complaint, "sorry. i'm dumb. dumb in love?"
you let karina coax you into her bed that night, kissing your body free of the tension you'd carried all that week like she was nursing you back to health. you can't help the tears that escape at her sweet touch, not new for her by any means – but different for you nevertheless, now that you knew how she felt. later that night, when you're falling asleep in her arms, in her twin bed this time, you feel her snuggle closer. warm nose against your cold cheek, she kisses you goodnight. (and a soft love you that you can barely distinguish from a dream.)
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shogvnate · 1 year
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Wicked and white, love me in spite. bela dimitrescu x f! reader
bela dimitrescu oneshot
slightly angsty, wholesome, yearning.
hi it's my first writing post pls treat me nicely :D, also feel free to send your requests! i write for the women (bc i'm sapphic) but if u wanna request the dudes it's alright too, just don't put too much hope on it being posted 😭
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━━ 🦇 ´ˎ˗
Bela Dimitrescu never felt this way towards anyone.
As the oldest out of her sisters and the heiress to her family's winery business, she would take over a lot more of the dirty work than them, leaving barely any time behind to focus on herself.
She was always overworked, always pressured to be the best.
Her mother always tells her,
"Bela, you are your sisters' role model," Alcina blew smoke from her lips, unamused at the way she lost her composure over a little squabble with her younger sister, Cassandra.
"Yes, mother." Bela kept her head low, rubbing her upper arm slightly.
"Don't disappoint me."
Bela aimed to be the perfect daughter, the perfect heiress but still, she was never enough. She knew she wasn't. But when she saw you and how accepting you were, her walls melted like an ice sculpture by the dawn of spring.
She'd like to believe you were foolish for saving her, but deep down she knew it wasn't true. She was thankful. Thankful that despite the villagers' harsh words for saving a potential murderer of their wives and daughters, you stayed and nursed her back to health.
You were like an angel, much more than Mother Miranda would ever be, that's for sure.
As you watered your garden, she wondered to herself, could you look at her with that expression? A soft smile gracing your angelic features and eyes gleaming with nothing but love. No wonder your garden was filled to the brim with colorful flowers, even Bela can tell they were happy with you.
Could she also feel that?
Dubbed as a monster, mad, and even heartless; could someone like that feel love?
Or was it just wistful thinking?
A vampire and a human never end well anyway.
It's depressing, it's... mortifying how none of them got their happy ending; or at least as far as she's aware of.
She sighed, and when she did, you finally noticed her watching you by the wooden fences.
Molten honeyed eyes burned the sight of the way your face lit up into the depth of her mind. If you could look at her like that everyday, she's sure to become the happiest woman alive.
You approached her, still holding your watering can. She could feel her dead heart hammering against her chest for a few seconds before returning to its silence as she smirked at you. Her heart ached for you, a pain that she was so used to that she grew numb to it.
"How have you been, Bela?"
Your voice, god, your voice.
Bela can just melt into your arms right then and there, but she must stop herself. She wasn't like Cassandra who will keep anyone she's interested in near. She was the opposite, she didn't want you near, she didn't like how you made her feel this way, and yet she always found herself watching you.
Hopeless that she can never tell you how she felt without making herself feel vulnerable.
"I've been faring well." She replied, "How… How have you been?"
"I'm doing good now that you're here." You smiled.
The two of you soon fell into silence as you started to water your plants, now with her company.
It was agonizing, being by your side. Knowing full well that there are countless men and women in the village that can easily snatch you away from her. You were kind and gentle, anyone can find that charming. Heck, her sisters could even steal you away from her easily.
Cassandra was silver-tongued and shameless, she can lure anyone into her grasp as easily as she can murder them.
Daniela was unpredictable and wild, but she was loving, and she was everything Bela was not.
You noticed how she spaced out, reaching a hand out to wipe the dried blood from her lips. Your touch was gentle and it dragged her down to reality.
The reality where you told her that you'll wait for her to be sure of her feelings. You'll wait for however long it takes for her to say those three words. The reality where you belonged to her and she belonged to you despite no other promises being spoken.
She leaned into your touch, her yellow eyes refusing to look at you directly.
But she knew you understood. You understood her better than anyone, better than herself.
You guided her back to your porch where she laid her head on your lap as you sat down, her hood coming off to reveal her long, albeit a little tangled blonde locks.
You thread your fingers through it, detangling it and removing the dried blood clinging to the beautiful strands.
"Bad day?" You asked, closing your eyes.
"..." She shifted on your lap, confirming that she indeed had a bad day. You didn't ask anymore, you knew she didn't like sharing about things that bothered her and that was okay. She needed time and time you will give.
One of her flies landed on your hand, and you noticed it. You chuckled lightly as another desperately pulled your free hand towards Bela, likely her consciousness acting without her control.
You stopped threading your fingers through her locks and she had to stop herself physically from letting out a disappointed whine, you placed your hand on her waist instead and she froze.
"You can stay for however long you'd like, Bela."
You watched as she closed her eyes, another tender smile blooming across your lips, one with more affection than before. Her cold hand grabbed a hold of your warm one, squeezing it before her breathing slowed. Your fingers rubbed her knuckles silently, the contrast between your temperatures was like day and night, dead and alive; and yet you loved it.
You drifted into sleep along with her, perfectly comfortable and content now that she at least stayed and not ran off the second she showed you anything remotely close to physical touch.
Hours later you finally woke up, slowly opening your eyes and stretching your numb arms.
Your lap was absent from her cold body, but what you instead found was a stunning inflorescence of forget-me-not. Did she steal it from your garden? You chuckled.
The blues were easy on your eyes, and the meaning behind it in the flower language made you smile fondly.
"Oh, Bela."
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zutaralesbian · 4 months
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in honor of pride month: what are your top 10 favorite canon lgbt ships?
1. Catra and Adora (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)
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These two are everything to me. Best friends to enemies to lovers. The way the show mostly revolves around them as characters and what they mean to each other. The way they loved each other in an environment not made for love and now finally have a chance to be with each other the way they always wanted too. They are everything I want in a ship and their haters are so boring and tasteless
2. Eve and Villanelle (Killing Eve)
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Enemies to lovers excellence and my first introduction to toxic yuri. These two really could have been the ship of dreams for me and I’ll forever be angry that they were in the hands of a homophobic straight woman that fucked everything up in the end. (Sally Woodward Gentle my disdain for you has no limits). That said, I still love them. Such an excellent dynamic. They deserved better.
3. Ian and Mickey (Shameless US)
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The only m/m ship I really go hard for tbh. (I’m very female character oriented usually so getting me invested in a dynamic that doesn’t have a woman in it can be very difficult). But the fact that I love these two as much as I do just shows they are superior. Kings of angst that finally after years got their happy ending.
4. Max and Chloe (Life is Strange)
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One of my first big wlw ships and I still have so much love and fondness for them. I do enjoy Chloe/Rachel too and all their tragic messiness. But something about Chloe/Max just seems so soulmate like to me. So yeah…I do have a preference and it’s them.
5. Ead and Sabran (Priory of the Orange Tree)
Book ship so I’m not including a gif. These two are my favorite literary lgbt ship ever. The yearning. The forbidden love. The Pride and Prejudice vibes. The slow-burn. If you’re a wlw who loves fantasy, I highly recommend reading this book. It has asoiaf vibes but without the misogyny and pedo propaganda.
6. Max and Eleanor (Black Sails)
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Ugh the tragedy of these two. The messy fallout of their breakup. Their chemistry was 🔥 and while I understand why their relationship fell out, I wish we had gotten to see more of it. They’re also both my favorite characters on the show so there’s that
7. Max and Anne (Black Sails)
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While I have my Max/Eleanor bias I do acknowledge that these two are objectively the best romance on the show. Also served some great angst and are about two women who are SA survivors at the hands of men coming together and falling in love.
8. Gideon and Harrow (The Locked Tomb series)
Another book ship so no gif. These two genuinely make me insane. Very twisted enemies to lovers. They are insane for each other even more than I’m insane for them. The books aren’t for everyone but I really do recommend giving them a try if you like unhinged and problematic sapphics.
9. Rue and Jules (Euphoria)
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Mostly for their S1 dynamic because I haaate what Sam Levinson did to them in S2. Imagine having a wlw couple with this much chemistry and fumbling it so bad? Truly loser behavior. That said, I still hold fondness for them and what they could have been.
10. David and Patrick (Schitt’s Creek)
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Alright, I’ll include another m/m ship 😂 These two are a great example of how a ship can be healthy but not boring at the same time. Patrick’s coming out episode and how David reacted to him being closeted is also probably my favorite coming out storyline ever.
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um... hot lady appreciation am i right,,,, haha pretty ladie,,, haha :flushed:
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into-control · 5 years
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🌹 camren recap of 2019: part 3 (july - september)
(1) (2) (3) (4)
july 1st:
lauren posted a wolf painted on the side of a building:
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this could be a reference to thunder, whom camila always calls ‘direwolf’ (july 2nd):
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july 2nd:
lauren liked a tweet via IG from a laurmila stan:
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on june 30th, lauren performed burnin’ for the first time at pride. a few days later, camila changed her IG bio.
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also on this day, camila posted one of mary oliver’s poems on her story. mary oliver had a known female partner (it is a continued habit of camila to post poetry by sapphic women).
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july 4/5th:
back on july 1st, camila tweeted a classic “i love you” warning for what was to come.
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that warning was for the beginning of her and shawn’s PR relationship. take note that ET *canada* was the first to break the news.
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july 8th:
justjared, the website camila’s team constantly used for her and matthew, further spread the narrative:
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unfortunately for shawn and camila’s teams (fortunately for us), many people quickly became suspicious of shawn and camila getting together so soon after the release of their collab.
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july 9th:
camila liked this photo, that does not at all align with any narrative for her and shawn, and moreso her and lauren’s love story. the picture was deleted soon after.
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july 11th:
camila posted a quote from poet henry miller, whose wife ran away with another woman:
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july 12th:
this day, ed sheeran’s south of the border featuring camila was released. in her verse, she talks about how her lover has green eyes and speaks spanish.
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the previous day, lauren posted a snippet of a spanish song she was working on.
on this day, lauren posted a video on her story that zoomed in very close to her green eyes.
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on july 13th, she did it again, and this time she included the word ‘mami’ (te amo mami).
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on july 15th, she did it for a third time.
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on september 2nd, she did it for a fourth time.
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july 13th:
shawn and camila kissed for the first time in san francisco, which would later contribute to making people believe used to this is about shawn. except, camila wrote this song previous to this date.
lauren liked cardi b’s post about south of the border:
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july 15th:
james arthur got a little shady:
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camila is still obsessed with (lauren’s) green eyes:
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july 18th:
lauren liked a post about pisces again:
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july 20th:
a camilizer said some very shady things about lauren so camila blocked them.
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july 25th:
lauren took back all her delusional comments:
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another article was written about fake relationships in hollywood using shawn and camila as examples:
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camila tweeted this:
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and then lauren performed a song called always love at an event:
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july 27th:
dinah jane will always love us and her girls:
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july 30th:
lauren and camila both posted polaroids:
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july 31st:
you’re welcome lauren:
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august 5th:
camila made a playlist featuring a lionel richie song as the title.
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while it was not only a reference to all night, it was also made known that lauren was going to be a special guest for lionel richie at the end of the month.
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august 6th:
camila posted a teaser lyric for what would be shameless.
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on august 10th, lauren posted this on her story:
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caminah in sync:
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august 7th:
camila changed her clothes to do another stunt with shawn for some reason idk:
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august 9th:
lauren liked a cover of find u again:
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also, camila gave a shawn a very lame happy birthday tweet.
august 11th:
fuck pornhub but they’re hellbent on camren being real:
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august 13th:
lauren liked MTV’s promo video for the VMAs with camila in it:
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august 20th:
MTV accidentally posted their prep article about shawn and camila’s ~flirty~ performance at the VMAs early since they already knew what would happen because it was all staged and 0% chemistry:
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august 22nd:
lauren is right:
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august 27th:
camila praised normain’s VMAs performance:
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august 30th:
lauren performed purple rain by prince as lionel’s special guest. purple rain is the first song on one of camila’s moon playlists on spotify.
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august 31st:
camila posted her ‘what do i know about love?’ video. the first standout thing is that she considers love a secret, as if that’s how it’s always been to her:
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the next thing is that she talked about kissing, and lauren replied the same day:
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on september 18th, camila made a post with a matching caption, eye obsession and all:
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shawn accidentally friend zoned camila because they aren’t actually dating:
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september 5th:
i’m just saying, this is the epitome of being a lesbian, especially a famous one:
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burnin’ and liar have matching lyrics:
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parallels between the dance breaks in the expectations and shameless music videos:
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september 6th:
oops, that isn’t supposed to be possible...
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neck tattoos:
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september 8th:
camila tweeted this warning:
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a few days later on september 12th, shawn posted the fish kiss video.
september 12th:
gay yearning:
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september 19th:
an odd collection of calle 8 coincidences;
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part 4
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cluboftigerghost · 6 years
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schtean https://ift.tt/2s1wU7D pil https://ift.tt/2keWv9G Hypoid https://ift.tt/2IBEnBh Vonna Wolf https://ift.tt/2LiEkfi A star upon your birthday burned, Whose fierce serene Red pulseless planet never yearned In heaven, Faustine. Stray breaths of Sapphic song that blew Through Mitylene Shook the fierce quivering blood in you By night, Faustine. The shameless nameless love that makes Hell's iron gin Shut on you like a trap that breaks The soul, Faustine. And when your veins were void and dead, What ghosts unclean Swarmed round the straitened barren bed That hid Faustine? What sterile growths of sexless root Or epicene? What flower of kisses without fruit Of love, Faustine? What adders came to shed their coats? What coiled obscene Small serpents with soft stretching throats Caressed Faustine? But the time came of famished hours, Maimed loves and mean, This ghastly thin-faced time of ours, To spoil Faustine. You seem a thing that hinges hold, A love-machine With clockwork joints of supple gold — No more, Faustine. Not godless, for you serve one God, The Lampsacene, Who metes the gardens with his rod; Your lord, Faustine. If one should love you with real love (Such things have been, Things your fair face knows nothing of, It seems, Faustine); That clear hair heavily bound back, The lights wherein Shift from dead blue to burnt-up black; Your throat, Faustine, Strong, heavy, throwing out the face And hard bright chin And shameful scornful lips that grace Their shame, Faustine, Curled lips, long since half kissed away, Still sweet and keen; You'd give him — poison shall we say? Or what, Faustine?
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