#Seriously though I was not expecting that one pancreas thing to get called back to so much and to seemingly become a plot point.

[makerofmadness]

Pancreatic Slut

[theothin]

I swore I remembered something like this happening and it turns out it was the reverse

House: Wednesday night. Low-down-blue-meanie versus the Incinerator. Wilson: I can’t. House: Let me rephrase. Low-down-blue-meanie — Wilson: I understand monster truck code. Do you understand "can't"? House: Not when it follows "low-down-blue-meanie." Is the world coming to an end Tuesday night? Otherwise, Wednesday—(they stop) Wilson: All right, it's not "can’t." It's "don't want to." The fact is, I just don't like monster trucks. House: Yes, you do. Wilson: No, I don't. House: You've always liked monster trucks. Wilson: No, you've always liked them. I've tolerated them. Seriously, I can only watch so many hyped-up dune buggies crush so many motor homes without feeling the urge to go see La Boheme. And I hate opera too.

House: And why'd you lie about monster trucks? Wilson: I didn’t. House: I checked your appointment book. You got tomorrow night marked off, but you didn't put down what you were doing. So you thought someone might look at the book — Wilson: I'm playing racquetball tomorrow night, with Taub. House: Why would you hide that? Wilson: Because the world revolves around you. I devote time to anyone else, you'd end up stalking me and harassing them. House: You say that as though it wouldn't be fun. Wilson: And maybe I didn't want to rub your nose in the fact that we'd be doing something you can no longer do. Because I'm nice. (He picks up his lunch tray and leaves)

[Aerial view of PPTH then a cut to the morgue, where House is lying on gurney tossing a small red ball into the air] [There is a body lying on a table in the room. Taub walks in] Taub: Why'd you page me here? House: (still tossing the ball) I need you to update me on the patient's condition. Taub: Seems to be dead. Why'd you page me here? House: I need you to update me on the patient's condition (he sits up and holds up the ball) while hitting this against the wall. (House tosses the ball to Taub who catches it) This is the only place we can do both. Taub: I finished the last blood draw. House: I expect the people who work for me to rise to a challenge. Unless they don't expect to work for me. [Taub picks up a racket from a nearby table. House sits back preparing to observe] [Taub bounces the ball once and hits it against the back wall. Most of this conversation takes place while Taub continues to hit the ball against the wall] Taub: Last blood draw was at 6:00 AM. Sugar levels never rose above 120 all night. (Taub misses and has to chase down the ball and start again) House: So the glucose was normal. Means you were wrong about diabetes. Taub: (hitting the ball again) I still think it's the endocrine system. Maybe I just got the wrong gland. House: So you're going for thyroid instead of pancreas? Makes sense. [Taub hits the ball too hard and when trying to hit it again, ends up knocking things off of a shelving unit] Taub: Fine. I'm not playing racquetball with Wilson. I was never playing racquetball with Wilson. (pause) I thought it would be helpful if a Department Head owed me a favor. But it's not worth this. House: (nods) Not bad. You put on a good show. You studied up. Wilson actually booked a court. If you were really a racquetball player, you'd know that you were holding a squash racket. (pause) Tell Kutner to do a thyroid reuptake scan, I’ll go grab a nap in one of the on-call rooms. (He gets up and heads out the door)

[Cut to Taub poking his head into Wilson’s office. Wilson is sitting at his desk] Taub: I'm here to invite you to lunch. Wilson: Uh, why? [Taub comes into the office and shuts the door behind him] Taub: I've been made. House sent me back to you as a double agent. [Wilson sighs and puts his head in his hands]

[Taub comes out of Wilson’s office and he and House head down the hall together] Taub: I told Wilson you sent me to get information. House: And now you're telling me. What does that make you, a quadruple agent? (They walk into House’s office) Taub: He let me print out his e-mails. House: Wow. Excellent. Information he wants us to have. Did he let you print out his deleted e-mails? Taub: No. House: Then go back there — Taub: As long as I was sitting there, I thought I'd print 'em anyway. (He hands a stack paper to House) Top one's the one you're looking for.

House: Does it bother you that we have no social contract? Wilson: (laughs) My whole life is one big compromise. I tiptoe around everyone like they're made of china. I spend all my time analyzing: What will the effect be if I say this? Then there's you. You're a reality junkie. If I offered you a comforting lie, you'd smack me over the head with it. Let's not change that. House: Okay. Wilson: No, see, this — if you were implementing the social contract, you'd say that, but only because… It makes me feel better… House: It is kind of fun watching you torture yourself. Wilson: Do you think things will work out with my brother? [The elevator arrives at the ground floor. House and Wilson step out and head toward the exit] House: No. But when it does go wrong, it won't be your fault. Wilson: Thanks, House. House: You do actually like monster trucks? Wilson: Absolutely.

[x]

wilson LOVES being house's only friend. if house made another friend wilson would do something totally insane like make up symptoms to have a mysterious illness only house can solve

[shou7]

Translation: I Want to Eat Your Pancreas by Yoru Sumino (Chapter 7)

Synopsis

One day, I - a high schooler - found a paperback in the hospital. The “Disease Coexistence Journal” was its title. It was a diary that my classmate, Sakura Yamauchi, had written in secret. Inside, it was written that due to her pancreatic disease, her days were numbered. And thus, I coincidentally went from Just-a-Classmate to a Secret-Knowing-Classmate. It was as if I were being drawn to her, who was my polar opposite. However, the world presented the girl that was already suffering from an illness with an equally cruel reality…

The best-selling, award-winning debut work by Yoru Sumino: “Bestsellers 2016 (Overall) by NIPPAN” - 4th Place “Bestsellers 2016 (Paperback Fiction) by NIPPAN” - 1st Place “Bestsellers 2016 (Overall) by TOHAN” - 5th Place “Bestsellers 2016 (Literary Books) by TOHAN” - 1st Place “Bookstore Grand Prix 2016” - 2nd Place “DA VINCI BOOK OF THE YEAR 2015” - 2nd Place “Bestsellers 2015 (Literary Books) by TOHAN” - 6th Place As of January 2017, this book has sold over 720,000 copies.

Please buy the book to support the author. (amazon.com)

Download the complete volume in PDF format here, or in ePUB format here.

(Chapter Index)

　

She had informed me of her extended hospitalisation with unexpected indifference. Though I was worried, it seemed like the patient herself had anticipated as much, so I was a little relieved. I’d only admit it inside my heart, but I had been rather beside myself with worry.

On Tuesday afternoon after the supplementary lessons, I went to pay her a visit. The supplementary lessons were about to come to an end too.

“There’s only a little more than half of summer vacation left to go huh!”

She said only that with a tone that could have been considered lamenting. As though she were trying to convey to me that that alone was regrettable.

Outside, the sun was shining. The air-conditioned hospital ward was like a shelter that protected us from the sun’s rays, but it made me uneasy for some reason.

“Was Kyouko alright?”

“Aah, yeah. I get the feeling that her glare has somehow become more piercing than last week, but maybe your persuasion worked like a tranquilliser, so she hasn’t lunged at me yet.”

“Stop talking about my best friend like she’s some beast.”

“You must have yet to be glared at by her with those eyes. So she’s pretending to be a cat, huh. A feline beast then - maybe a lion.”

I hadn’t talked to her about last week’s incident at the bookstore.

I poured the canned peaches I had bought as a gift into a dish, and dug in with her. Somehow or other, the sweetness of the syrup brought back memories from when I was an elementary schooler.

While gnawing on the abnormally yellow peaches, she gazed outside.

“Why did you come to the hospital on a day with such good weather like this? You should play dodgeball or something outside.”

"First of all, you called me here. Secondly, I haven’t played something like dodgeball since elementary school. And thirdly, I don’t have anyone to play it with. While considering the three aforementioned points, please choose which you’d rather I do.”

“Both.”

“Greedy huh - then, I’ll let you have the last peach.”

With a childlike smile, she stabbed her fork into the peach and stuffed the whole thing into her mouth. I carried the plate and the can to the sink at the corner of the ward. It seemed like there was a system where the nurses would clear it up if I left it here. They would even bring out food too - if not for the illness within her, this could have actually been a VIP room.

As part of the VIP room package came my tutoring at no additional cost. Today too, despite finding it a bother, she took down notes seriously. I had asked her once before about the necessity of her studying. Since she wouldn’t be taking exams or anything. She’d replied that if her grades went to tatters, it’d make the people around her think that something was strange. I understood, and realised why I had never felt a special need to study no matter the situation.

Today, her magic show was postponed. She said that it wasn’t possible to keep on preparing new productions after all. And that she was preparing the ace up her sleeve, so I should look forward to it, and so-

“I’ll wait with my neck stretched out.”

“How are you going to stretch your neck out? You mean like getting someone to pull on your head?”

“So you’ve gotten so dumb that you can’t even understand a figure of speech? Now you have a virus in your head too huh, how awful.”

“The one that calls someone else dumb is the dumb one!”

“So I was mistaken huh - I said that it was because you have a disease, but it wasn’t a disease.”

“There’s no mistake, just die! Since I’ll be dying too.”

“Could you please not take advantage of the confusion to cast a curse on me?”

It was the same playful conversation as always. Being able to have meaningless conversations like this delighted me. Because it felt like such an atmosphere that allowed for poking fun at each other had become proof of an everyday that wouldn’t change.

As expected, I - who was relieved by something so meaningless - was probably lacking in that thing known as human experience.

She began to write something in the ‘Disease Co-existence Journal’, and so, for some reason or another, I shifted my gaze to a corner of the ward. I wondered if it was because of the attachment and accumulation of the illnesses of the patients from before that it had become discoloured.

“Does ?????-kun have any plans for summer vacation?”

I was in the middle of turning back to face her when my name was called, and so my gaze returned to her sooner than I had expected.

“Probably just coming here, and reading books at home. And homework too.”

“That’s all? You should go and do something, it’s summer vacation after all. How about going on a trip with Kyouko in my stead?”

“I don’t have the qualifications required to enter a lion’s cage. And weren’t you going on a trip with Kyouko-san?”

“It’s kinda impossible thooough. My hospital stay has been extended, and that girl is busy with club activities too.”

So she said, smiling a lonely smile.

“I wanted to go on one more trip y'knooow.”

…………Huh?

Her sombre words made my breathing stop for a moment.

And in that instant, I saw a black haze creep into the room. I felt the foul something that had been slumbering within my heart’s core make its way up my throat. Hurriedly, I took a gulp of tea from its PET bottle, fighting the urge of retching it out. What was that just now?

I mulled over her words inside my head. Just like how a detective in a novel would’ve done with an important character’s lines.

It was probably because I was making a troubled face. She withdrew her wry smile, and tilted her head to the side.

The one that was puzzled was me.

So why was she doing that?

The moment I realised it, it flew right out my mouth.

“Why, did you say that like you’ll never be able to go on a trip again?”

She looked like she had been caught off guard. She made a face like a pigeon that had been shot with a peashooter.

“…………I said it, like that?”

“You did.”

“I see - guess even I have thoughts that appear like that hu~h.”

“Hey……”

I wondered just what sort of face I was making. The unrest that had buried itself deep within the depths of my heart since my last visit swelled, and at last threatened to burst forth from my mouth. Desperate, I tried to cover my mouth with my hands - but my mouth moved before my hands could.

“You’re not going to die, right?”

“Huh? I’m going to die though. We’re all going to die, me and you included.”

“I don’t mean that!”

“If you’re talking about what happens once my pancreas breaks down, well of course I’ll die.”

“I don’t mean that!”

Slamming my open palms onto the corner of the bed, I jumped onto my feet without thinking. The chair I’d been sitting on toppled over, filling the ward with an unpleasant metallic clang. My eyes were locked onto her own, unflinching. This time, she made a face that was undoubtedly one of shock. Even I was shocked at myself. Just what did I just do that for?

I strained my parched throat for the last vestiges of my voice I could muster.

“You’re still, not going to die, right?”

Since she was still in shock, the girl didn’t respond, and silence fell upon the ward. Fearing the silence, I continued to speak.

“You’ve been acting weird for a while now.”

“…………”

“You’re hiding something aren’t you? It’s obvious you know. Playing Truth or Dare, and suddenly holding onto me too. And when I asked if something had happened, your reaction was weird. You made such a weird pause - did you think I wouldn’t think it was strange? Even though it’s become like this, I’m just concerned about you because you’re suffering from a major illness.”

I had rattled on and on, speaking so fast I couldn’t recall what I’d said. I was out of breath by the time I was done. But there was another reason as to why I hadn’t drawn breath. I was perplexed. About her, who was hiding something, and myself, who had decided to involve myself in her affairs, too.

Staring at the girl who still had the look of utter shock on her, I - who operated on the principle of calming down when someone else was more upset - composed myself a little, and re-seated myself on the chair. My hands slowly loosened their grip on the bedsheets.

I looked at her face. Her eyes were wide open and her lips were sealed shut. Perhaps she would run away and try to sweep everything under the rug again. I wondered what I would do if it came to that. I wondered if I would have the courage to pursue her further. And I wondered if there would be any meaning to it if I did.

Just what……did I want to do?

An answer derailed my train of thought.

Normally, she would quickly cycle between a variety of expressions. That was why I expected nothing else but her dumbfoundedness to soon give way to another vivid expression. But I was wrong.

This time, the colour of her face changed really slowly. The corners of her sealed lips curled upwards with all the haste of a snail. Her wide-open eyes slowly narrowed, like curtains drawn to mark the end of a play. Her cheeks - frozen in shock - began to melt, stretching themselves out.

She made a smile that I could never imitate even if I spent the rest of my life trying.

“Shall I tell you? About what happened.”

“……Please.”

I was as nervous as a child about to be disciplined.

She opened her large mouth, and with a look of bliss on her face, responded.

“It’s no~thing at all. It’s just that I’ve been thinking about you.”

“About me?”

“Yup, about you. You see, we really played Truth or Dare because I was thinking of asking something trivial. If I had to say it, I was thinking about how great it would be if I could get along better with you.”

“……Really?”

I asked with a voice tinged with scepticism.

“Really. I wouldn’t lie to you after all.”

It may have been lip service, but even so, I couldn’t conceal my relief. My shoulders gave way at once, having been sapped of their strength. I knew I was being gullible, but I chose to believe her.

“Ehehehehehehehehehehehe.”

“……What’s wrong?”

“Naaah, I’m just thinking that I’m really happy right now. I might even die.”

“That’s no good.”

“Do you want me to keep on living?”

“…………Yeah.”

“Ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.”

Still looking at my face, she laughed, abnormally happy.

“Wo~w, I’d never have imagined that you’d need me that much. It’s a great blessing as a human y'know, for me to probably be the first person needed by you, a shut-in.

"Just who’s a shut-in here?”

This was all I could manage as a retort; my head felt like it might explode from the embarrassment. My concern for her was something I didn’t want to lose, something that I probably needed. But while that was the truth, the embarrassment involved in voicing my thoughts went far beyond that of simply thinking them. It felt as though all the blood in my body was rushing to my head. It was almost as if I would really die. Somehow, I forced myself to take a deep breath, and let the heat escape my body.

Smile unchanging, she continued with a rhythm that seemed to indicate she hadn’t the slightest intention of giving me pause to recover.

“Since I was acting weird, you thought that I was about to die? Without telling you.”

“……That’s right, your hospitalisation suddenly got extended after all.”

She started laughing loudly, convulsing so violently I thought she might tear off the drip attached to her arm. I couldn’t help but take offense at being the object of such fervent laughter.

“You’re the one at fault for saying easily misunderstood things.”

“But I’ve said it before! That there’s still time! Otherwise, I wouldn’t do something like practice magic y'knooow. But as for what you said earlier, I wonder why you got bothered by a little pause between my words. I think you’ve rea~lly been reading too many novels.”

Once she was done speaking, she started to laugh again.

“Don’t worry, since I’ll properly tell you when it’s time for me to die.”

And then she burst into laughter yet again. Having been laughed at too much, I became a little strange too. It seemed I had somehow made a grave mistake, and was now being confronted about it.

“Make sure to properly eat my pancreas once I die alright.”

“By any chance, could it be that you won’t die if your bad parts were removed? Shall I eat it for you right now then?”

“Do you want me to live?”

“Very much so.”

In my case, I was glad that I was a human whose honest words looked like jokes. Because if my truly, truly honest feelings were to be conveyed, I, who had come to neglect getting involved with humans, would get so embarrassed that I’d never be able to show my face again.

I didn’t know how she received it, but she jokingly said, “Ya~y, I’m so happy,” and spread both her arms out towards me. The face of the girl that seemed to be enjoying herself made it look like she was joking.

“Haven’t you recently begun liking the body heat of others too?”

The words she said between giggles must have been meant as a joke. That was why I decided to respond with my own converse joke - accepting her words honestly.

I stood up, approached her, and jokingly wrapped my hands around her back for the first time. “Wahoo,” she said in a joking manner once again as she wrapped her arms around me. To ask if there was any meaning to it would’ve been unsophisticated. One shouldn’t seek logic in a joke.

We stayed in the same position for a while before it occurred to me that something was strange.

“Hm, guess Kyouko-san isn’t coming at this sort of timing today, huh.”

“That girl has club activities. Actually, what do you think of Kyouko?”

“I guess, a demon that’s trying to interfere with our getting along.”

The two of us laughed, and I took the opportunity to let go of her body, but it was only after she gave my back one more tight squeeze that she let go. We drew apart, and joking till the very end, we laughed till both of our faces turned red.

“Speaking of dying, y'know.”

She broached the topic once the both of us calmed down.

“Bringing something up like that has probably never been done before huh.”

“Recently, I’ve been thinking that I should get started on writing my will.”

“Isn’t it too early? Like I thought, were you lying about how there was still time?”

“It’s not that, you see, I’m going to have to revise and correct it many times, since I want it to look neat. That’s why I’m going to start writing it down.”

“If it’s like that then I guess it’s fine. Since it does take more time to edit than write a novel.”

“See, so I wasn’t wrong after all. So look forward to reading my completed will after I die alright.”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

“You mean you want me to die sooner? How horrible. Or so I’d say, but since you need me, you wouldn’t want me to die hu~h.”

She was grinning, but since I was about to reach my limits emotionally, I stopped nodding my head honestly. Even though I frowned at her with unamused eyes, she continued to smile, undaunted. Perhaps it was the symptom of another condition.

“That’s right, since I made you worry needlessly, as an apology I’ll let you be the first one I have fun with when I’m discharged.”

“Seems rather self-important for an apology, huh.”

“You don’t want to?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to.”

“?????-kun really does have that part about you huh.”

I wondered which part she was talking about, but I sort of understood myself, so I didn’t especially ask her about it.

“On the day I get discharged, I’ll be heading home first, but I’ll be free after that, so it’ll be in the afternoon then.”

“What are we going to do?”

“Hmm, what should we do - won’t you be coming over a couple of times before I get discharged? Let’s think it over.”

Just like that, I gave my consent. Afterwards, in the two weeks before her discharge, the plan - which she had decided to call a “promised date” to my dissatisfaction - had turned into a visit to the beach, something she had hoped to do. Additionally, we would drop by a café somewhere, and she would perform for me the magic trick she was still in the midst of practicing.

Truthfully, when I promised to go out with her after she was released, I was worried that something gravely serious would between then and the day of her discharge. But the days up till then passed with nothing of the sort happening. Just this time, I thought perhaps that it was just as she said - I had been reading too many novels.

Within those two weeks, the supplementary lessons had ended, and we welcomed summer vacation. I paid her four visits. On the first, I ran into Best-Friend-san. On the second, we laughed till her bed trembled. On the third, she threw a tantrum when it was time for me to return home. On the fourth, I wrapped both my arms around her back. Not a single event did I get accustomed to.

We made plenty of jokes, shared plenty of laughter, made plenty of digs at each other, and gave each other plenty of respect. It shocked me - otherwise the eternal onlooker - how I had come to love the everyday we spent like elementary schoolers. Just what in the world had happened?

I’ll say it for the me looking back on the present. I was delighted to be getting involved with a person. It was the first time I’d done so since I was born - being together with someone, and not once think that I wanted to be alone.

While surely being the most sentimental in the world about getting involved with a person, my two weeks had been compacted into her ward. They were only four days, but those four days made up the entirety of my two weeks.

Because they were only four days, the day of her discharge arrived right away.

On the day she was to be discharged, I got up early in the morning. I was fundamentally an early riser - I’d wake up early whether it was rain or shine, no matter if I had any plans for the day or not. Incidentally, the skies today were clear, and I did happen to have plans. I opened the window, and could almost see the morning breeze drive out the stagnant air in my room. It was a good morning.

I washed my face downstairs, and headed to the living room just as my father was about to depart. I gave him a few words of appreciation, and with a smile, he gave me a pat on the back before leaving the house. He was energetic all year round. I had always found it strange that that sort of father could have a child like me.

My breakfast had already been set when I arrived at the dining table. Thanking my mother for the food, I took my seat, and said “thanks for the food” once more to the meal on the table before I dug in for some miso soup. I was quite fond of the miso soup my mother made.

While I savoured her cooking, my mother - who had finished washing the kitchenware for now - sat down before me, and began to drink from her cup of hot coffee.

“Hey, you.”

As of now, the only ones that called me “you” in such an unceremonious manner were my mother and Best-Friend-san.

“Yeah?”

“So you’ve got yourself a girlfriend huh.”

“…………What?”

Just what was this person saying first thing in the morning?

“Then, you’ve found a girl you like huh. Whichever it is, bring her over next time.”

“It’s neither, so there’s no one to bring over.”

“Hmmm, I was so certain.”

I was wondering what brought this about, but perhaps it was just her parent’s intuition working. Even if it had come to some outrageous conclusions.

“So, it’s just a normal friend huh.”

That wasn’t right either.

“It doesn’t matter whichever it is. I’m happy that someone who looks at you properly has appeared for the first time.”

Huh?

“You, did you really think I couldn’t tell when you were lying? Don’t look down on mothers.”

Feeling grateful, I gazed intently at the face of the woman I could no longer underestimate. My mother, who - as a far cry from me - carried a strong light in her eyes, seemed really happy. Honestly, how humbling. The corners of my lips couldn’t help but curl. My mother continued to watch television whilst drinking her coffee.

Since my plans with the girl were scheduled for the afternoon, I spent the morning reading my books. It still wasn’t yet the turn of ‘The Little Prince’ that I had borrowed from her. I lay on my bed, reading a mystery novel I had bought a little earlier.

Time passed right by, and before noon arrived, I’d changed into a simple outfit and left the house. Since I had wanted to go to a bookstore, I arrived at the station much earlier than scheduled, and visited a large bookstore nearby.

I bought a book after milling around for a while, and began heading to the café where we had agreed to meet. It was just a short walk from the station, and since it was a weekday, the inside of the store was relatively empty. I ordered an iced coffee and sat myself down at a seat beside a window. There was still about an hour till we were supposed to meet.

The store was air-conditioned, but the summer heat still clung to my body. Taking a gulp of the iced coffee, I felt a pleasant sensation – it were as though the coffee was circulating throughout my body. But were that truly the case, I’d already be dead, so it was ultimately just an issue with my imagination.

Having borrowed the powers of the cooler and the coffee to clear my perspiration, my stomach grumbled. As I led a healthy lifestyle, I got hungry precisely when noon arrived. The thought of getting something to eat crossed my mind for a second, but since I had promised to have lunch with the girl, I held myself back. It would’ve been a pain to be brought to another all-you-can-eat buffet right after I’d satisfied my appetite here. She did have that part about her after all.

Recalling the two consecutive days that I had unwillingly joined her for lunch, I smiled. So over a month had passed since then, huh.

I decided to quietly wait for the girl. I placed the paperback I had been reading earlier onto the table.

Naturally, I thought of reading it, but unexpectedly, for one reason or another, my gaze turned outside. I didn’t understand why. If I had to pick a reason, I could only say that it was something I just happened to do. It was a reason that was unlike me, but reminiscent of the girl’s carefree nature.

Under the harsh sunlight, all sorts of people were coming and going. A male in a suit looked particularly hot. I wondered why he wouldn’t take off his suit. A young female wearing a tank top was headed towards the station with light steps. She probably had something fun planned. There was a high school aged male-female pair holding hands. They were one of those couples. A mother pushing her child in a stroller was……

I thought about it, and was taken aback.

Those people walking outside the window would surely never have any relation to me in this lifetime - beyond the shadow of a doubt, they were strangers.

I thought about why I was thinking of them, even though they were strangers. Something like this would never have happened before.

I’d always thought that I wasn’t interested in the people around me. No, that was wrong. I had decided not to be interested in them. That sort of me-

Without thinking, I ended up laughing to myself. I see, so I had changed this much, huh. It was amusing, and so I ended up laughing.

The face of the girl I was supposed to meet today came to mind.

I had been changed. Without any doubt, I had been changed.

On the day I met her, my nature as a human, my everyday, and my views on life and death all became variable.

Aah, that’s right, if I were to ask her, she’d probably say that with all of the choices I had made up till now, I had chosen to change myself.

I had chosen to pick up the paperback that had been left behind.

I had chosen to open the paperback.

I had chosen to speak with her.

I had chosen to teach her how to do library committee work.

I had chosen to take her up on her invitation. I had chosen to eat with her.

I had chosen to walk beside her. I had chosen to go on a trip with her.

I had chosen to go wherever she wanted. I had chosen to sleep in the same room as her.

I had chosen truth. I had chosen dare.

I had chosen to sleep on the same bed as her.

I had chosen to help her eat the remainder of her breakfast. I had chosen to watch the street performer together with her.

I had chosen to suggest magic to her.

I had chosen to buy an Ultraman for her. I had chosen the souvenir to buy.

I had chosen to answer that the trip was fun.

I had chosen to visit her house.

I had chosen to play shogi. I had chosen to pull ahead of her.

I had chosen to push her down. I had chosen to hurt the boy that was our class representative.

I had chosen to let him hurt me. I had chosen to make up with the girl.

I had chosen to visit the girl. I had chosen the gifts to bring.

I had chosen to tutor the girl. I had chosen when to return home.

I had chosen to escape from Best-Friend-san. I had chosen to watch her magic tricks.

I had chosen to play Truth or Dare. I had chosen the question to ask.

I had chosen not to escape from her arms. I had chosen to press her for answers.

I had chosen to laugh with her. I had chosen to embrace her.

No matter how many times I had to do so, I would have chosen the same.

Having undeniably chosen of my own free will even though I should have made different choices, I was here. Different from the me of the past, I was here.

I see, I understood now.

No one, not even me, was truly a reed boat. To be swept away or not - we were the ones to choose.

The one who taught me that was, without a doubt, her. The girl that was supposed to die soon, but even so, continued to face forward more than anybody else, and went about making her life her own. The girl that loved the world, loved people, and loved herself.

Once again, I had that thought.

I……you.

The cellphone in my pocket vibrated.

“I just got home! I might be just a little late, sorry (sweats). I’m putting on something cute for you after all (lol).”

I saw her message, and after thinking for a little bit, I replied.

“Congratulations on your discharge. I was just thinking about you.”

A response to the message I had jokingly sent came right away.

“Well aren’t you saying something unusually delightful! What’s wrong, are you sick? [winking face]”

After a pause, I replied.

“Unlike you, my body is healthy though.”

“How horrible! You’ve hurt me! As punishment, give me a compliment!”

“Nothing comes to mind though - I wonder if the problem’s with me or you?”

“It’s you, 100%. Come on, get to it.”

I placed my cellphone on the table, folded my arms together, and thought. A compliment for her. Something about her that I could compliment - there really were a mountain’s worth of those. Surely so many that my cellphone’s memory wouldn’t be able to store them all.

Having met her, I’ve really learnt plenty of things. She taught me things that I hadn’t known till now.

Exchanging messages like this was one of those things she’d taught me. Because I had learnt for the first time the fun of having conversations with people, I chose words that seemed like they would elicit interesting replies from her.

To begin with, what was amazing about her was her extensive personal magnetism, which was something that seemed to have no relation to her life expectancy. Surely, she had always been like that. Of course, thoughts were moulded little by little, and words increased in richness bit by bit, but the basis for them probably had nothing to do with whether she would die in a year or not.

She, as she was, was amazing. And I thought that that was truly amazing.

I’ll confess it, that every time I was taught something, I thought that she was amazing. A human that was the polar opposite of me. The things that the cowardly me, who only ever kept to himself, couldn’t do - she was a human that could nonchalantly say and do them.

I took my cellphone into my hands.

You are a really amazing person.

I had always thought so. But I was never able to find the right words.

However, I understood it then.

Then, when she taught me what it meant to live.

My heart had been filled with the girl.

I…………you.

“I really wanted to become you.”

To become a human that acknowledged people, to become a human that was acknowledged by people.

To become a human that loved people, to become a human that was loved by people.

When I put it into words, I could only find them too fitting for my heart - such that they permeated throughout that organ of mine. Naturally, I ended up lifting the corners of my mouth.

Just what should I have done to become you?

Just what should I do to become you?

What should I do?

At last, I realised. If I remembered correctly, there should have been a saying that carried the same meaning.

I thought for a bit, and upon remembering, I decided to present that to her.

“I want to brew the dirt under your nails and drink it.”

I typed it out with the intention of only typing it out, and deleted it right away. I realised that just this wouldn’t be interesting. Even though they would have made her delighted, I got the feeling that even more suitable words existed.

Now, thinking once more, the words surfaced from a nook, no, perhaps the core of my memories.

Finding those words was a delight. So much so that I had even become proud of myself.

There were no words more perfect than these to present her.

The words that embodied my everything - I sent them to her cellphone.

I……

“I want to eat your pancreas.”

I placed my cellphone on the table and waited, looking forward to her reply. Something like looking forward to someone’s response - surely, it was something the me from a few months ago would have found unbelievable. But since he had chosen to become the me of the present, he had no right to complain.

I waited earnestly for her.

Earnestly.

However, her reply never came.

Only time passed, and my hunger only grew.

When the time we’d agreed upon arrived, I instead began looking forward to the response she would make when she appeared.

However, she never arrived either.

For thirty minutes, I continued to wait without much concern.

After an hour - and subsequently two - had passed, as expected, I started to become restless with worry.

When three hours had passed, I tried giving her a call for the first time. She didn’t pick up.

When four hours had passed, the scenery outside had turned to that of evening. I left the store. I knew that something had happened, but I didn’t know what. Though vague worries plagued my heart, I had no means by which to erase them, so I sent her a message. Having exhausted all my options, I decided to return home.

When I reached home, I started to think that - just maybe - her parents had forcefully brought her somewhere else. It was the only way I could soothe the fears that had gripped my heart.

I was restless the entire time. It would’ve been great if time all around the world had come to a stop right then.

I came to that thought while watching television, still worried, and about to fill my stomach with the dinner before me.

At that moment, I learnt for the first time why she hadn’t shown up.

She had told a lie.

I had told a lie too.

She had broken her promise of telling me when it was time for her to die.

I had broken my promise of definitely returning whatever I had borrowed from her.

I would never again be able to meet her.

I saw the news.

My classmate Sakura Yamauchi had been discovered collapsed in an alley in her residential district by a resident in the vicinity.

An ambulance had been called to take her away immediately after being discovered, but despite desperate attempts to resuscitate her, she had breathed her last.

The programme’s newscaster read only the truth, without the least bit of sympathy.

Without thinking, I dropped the as of yet unused chopsticks I had been holding onto the floor.

She had been discovered with a commercially available kitchen knife embedded deep into her chest.

She had become the latest victim in the series of random attacks that had caused a commotion from before.

The criminal - some person I didn’t know from somewhere I didn’t know - had been caught right away.

She had died.

I had been depending on it.

I had still been depending on it at this stage.

I had been depending on the one year’s worth of time she had remaining.

Just maybe, even she had been doing so too.

At the very least, I had been mistaken about the reality that no one’s tomorrow was guaranteed.

I had thought that it was a given that the girl who didn’t have much time left would've had a tomorrow.

I didn’t know about myself who still had time, but I had thought that the girl who didn’t have time would’ve been promised a tomorrow.

What foolish logic it was.

I had fully believed that the world would indulge only the life of the girl who had not much time left.

Of course, something like that that wouldn’t happen. It didn’t happen.

The world didn’t discriminate.

It refused mercy to its inhabitants - be they humans with healthy bodies like me, or that terminally ill girl who had a foot in the grave.

We had misunderstood. We were fools.

But, could anyone mock us for misunderstanding?

A drama that had its final episode determined wouldn’t end until its final episode.

A manga that had its cancellation decided wouldn’t end until its cancellation.

A movie that had a preview for its final instalment wouldn’t end until its final instalment.

Everyone should have been living while believing that. They should have been taught as much.

I too had thought that.

I had had believed that a novel wouldn’t end until its last page.

Perhaps she would laugh, saying that I’d read too many novels.

Even if I was laughed at, I didn’t mind.

Even though I had wanted to read it till the very end. Even though I had meant to read it.

Her story had come to an end with the remaining pages still blank.

With all the build-up, foreshadowing, and red herrings neglected.

I’d never be able to find out a single thing.

The result of the mischief with the rope she was setting up too.

The contents of the magic trick she called the ace up her sleeve too.

What she really thought of me too.

I’d never be able to find out.

…………That was what I had thought.

Because she had died, I had given up on that.

But I only realised later that that wasn’t true.

Even after her funeral, even after there was nothing left of her but bone, I hadn’t gone to her house.

I had shut myself in my own room, and passed the time reading books.

In the end, I required almost ten days to find the courage and a reason to go to her house.

Just before summer vacation ended, I remembered it.

The several remaining pages of her story - there was perhaps just one way to read them.

The thing that could even be called the beginning of me and her.

The ‘Disease Coexistence Journal’ – I had to read it.

(Previous chapter) (Next chapter)

[recentanimenews]

Manga the Week of 2/26/20

SEAN: It’s the end of February at last, and we celebrate with a huge pile of stuff. Are you ready?

ASH: Always!

SEAN: Cross Infinite World has a 2nd volume of light novel The Eccentric Master and the Fake Lover.

Dark Horse has a 4th deluxe hardcover for Berserk.

ASH: The hardcover edition really is impressive — I’m slowly replacing my paperback copies.

SEAN: A couple of Volume 2s from Ghost Ship: Destiny Lovers 2 and World’s End Harem: Fantasia 2.

J-Novel Club has another shoujo light novel out next week: Tearmoon Empire (Tearmoon Teikoku Monogatari). This is from TO Books, and stars a selfish princess who is about to be guillotined by an angry populace when suddenly she wakes up in the past! It’s time to change the future so she doesn’t die! But… that’s so much hard work… can’t she just get others to do it for her? This seems like fun.

ASH: I appreciate this foray into shoujo fantasy works.

SEAN: There’s also a 9th Lazy Dungeon Master and a 3rd Welcome to Japan, Ms. Elf!.

Kodansha has three debuts, two print and one digital. The print is Sweat and Soap (Ase to Sekken), a seinen title from Weekly Morning. A woman who works in a toiletry company is ashamed of the way she smells, and very grateful for her company’s products. Then she meets the company’s lead brand developer, who is fascinated by her natural scent. Romance ensues. Despite sounding like it does for sweat what Mysterious Girlfriend X did for drool, I’ll give this a try.

ASH: I’m cautious, but intrigued?

MELINDA: This could either be amazing… or really not.

SEAN: The other debut is a license rescue, coming out in deluxe omnibuses: Saiyuki! And yes, this is the original 1990s Saiyuki, not any of the modern remixes and spinoffs. A GFantasy title, it originally came out via Tokyopop. Now Kodansha is re-releasing it. Hope you like journeys to the west.

MICHELLE: I read a little of this ten years ago but never continued, so I’m looking forward to having another chance.

ANNA: I love journeys to the west! I have the old volumes but I’m seriously considering double dipping and I almost never double dip.

ASH: Nice to see this series back in print!

MELINDA: I’m so happy to see this again! It won’t get me over my eternal longing for Wild Adapter, but I’ll take it.

SEAN: Kodansha also has, in print, In/Spectre 11, Land of the Lustrous 10, and Magus of the Library 3.

ASH: I’ve fallen behind and need to catch up with In/Spectre, but I’m definitely ready for more of Land of the Lustrous and Magus of the Library!

SEAN: Digitally the debut is I Fell in Love After School (Houkago, Koishita), another Dessert title. A shy girl who lacks presence and a volleyball club she’s managing. This looks very fluffy.

ANNA: Aww, this sounds cute if only I were capable of keeping up on all these digital releases.

SEAN: Also out digitally next week: Altair: A Record of Battles 15, Drowning Love 17, Guilty 5, Hotaru’s Way 12, Kounodori: Dr. Stork 13, and Watari’s ******* Is About to Collapse 3.

KUMA has a one-volume title called Can an Otaku Like Me really Be an Idol? (Doruota no Bokudesuga Shinken ni Aidoru Mezashimasu!?). It’s a BL title about cross-dressing idols, and ran in Takeshobo’s Qpa. It was also on the Renta! site.

MICHELLE: My friend assures me it is very cute.

ASH: I’ve likewise heard good things.

SEAN: One Peace has a 7th Hinamatsuri.

Seven Seas has a pile, as is becoming traditional for the last week of the month. There’s another ‘early digital’ novel release, again by the author of I Want to Eat Your Pancreas. This is I Had That Same Dream Again (Mata, Onaji Yume wo Miteita), and is another coming-of-age story.

We also get The Ancient Magus’ Bride 12, The Brave-Tuber 2, Classroom of the Elite’s 4th light novel (in print), How Heavy Are the Dumbbells You Lift? 2, Mushoku Tensei’s 10th manga volume, Reincarnated As a Sword’s 4th light novel in print, Skeleton Knight in Another World 4 (print) and 5 (digital), and Ultra Kaiju Humanization Project 4.

MICHELLE: Hooray for more of The Ancient Magus’ Bride!

ASH: Yes, indeed!

SEAN: Square Enix has the debut of Hi-Score Girl, a Big Gangan series with a quirky art style and a love of retro gaming. Two otherwise dissimilar kids share a bond over games.

ASH: I like quirky.

MELINDA: I’m up for whatever Square Enix throws at us, so count me in.

SEAN: Udon has the 3rd and final Stravaganza omnibus, as well as a 6th Otherworldly Izakaya Nobu.

Vertical debuts Blood on the Tracks (Chi no Wadachi), another psychological drama from Shuzo Oshimi. This ran in Big Comic Superior, and is about a boy who realizes that his doting, over-affectionate mother may NOT be as normal as he’d though. If you’ve read Oshimi you know what to expect.

MICHELLE: Hm, potentially interesting.

ANNA: I’m gonna wait for a review, but I am also intrigued.

MELINDA: I’m with Anna on this.

SEAN: Yen On technically has a debut, but really it’s just more KH, as we get Kingdom Hearts III: The Novel 1.

They’ve also got Is It Wrong to try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? Sword Oratoria 11, KonoSuba EXPLOSION! 2, My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As I Expected 9, Re: ZERO 12, Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online 6, and World’s Strongest Rearguard 2. Lots of heavy hitters in that lineup.

From the manga end, Yen debuts RaW Hero, which is from the creator of Prison School, and also appears to be for fans of Prison School. It runs in Kodansha’s Evening Magazine, and is about heroes, villains, and fetishes, not in that order.

ASH: That’s… the general impression that I’ve gotten, too.

SEAN: We also get Combatants Will Be Dispatched! 2 (manga), The Devil Is a Part-Timer! 15 (manga), Goblin Slayer: Brand New Day 2 (manga), Happy Sugar Life 4 (also a manga, but not a light novel as well like those others), Kemono Friends a la Carte 2, Phantom Tales of the Night 3, and Trinity Seven 19.

ASH: Oh, Phantom Tales of the Night! If nothing else, it’s very pretty (and creepy); I’m interested in how the series continues to develop.

SEAN: A lot of, shall we say, saucy manga out next week. Are you getting any?

By: Sean Gaffney

[zipgrowth]

The Science of Empathy: What Researchers Want Teachers to Know

There’s a lot we don’t know about how the brain works. But scientists are finding out more everyday. And one maybe surprising thing experts are saying these days is that empathy pretty seriously affects our ability to learn.

This weekend, EdSurge caught up with John Medina, a developmental molecular biologist and affiliate professor of bioengineering at the University of Washington School of Medicine, and a keynote speaker at the Learning and the Brain conference last week San Francisco.

Medina studies the brain for a living, exploring a range of topics including how way the human brain evolved and the microscopic happenings in our heads. And it’s all complicated. But he thinks that there’s information out there about how the brain works—and in particular, how empathy changes learning outcomes—that classroom instructors should understand.

Listen to the discussion on this week’s EdSurge On Air podcast. You can follow the podcast on the Apple Podcast app, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play Music or wherever you listen. Or read a portion of the interview below, lightly edited for clarity.

EdSurge: In your book you define a list of so-called “brain rules.” What are those brain rules, and which ones should we know when it comes to learning?

Medina: Well, the brain rules start out with a fair amount of skepticism. I was asked a while back, if you had an unlimited budget and few bureaucratic constraints and could do anything for the system of education in United States, what would you do? Would you bring the brain sciences in? And I said originally, no, I don't think you can. We don't know enough about how the brain works. I mean, we still don't know how you know how to pick up a pencil and write your name with it.

I'm still actually fairly skeptical about it, but the more I got into it, the more I saw that I was being a little disingenuous. There are 12 [brain rules], and it begins with what I call the evolutionary performance envelope of the human brain, meaning the human brain appears to have been designed to solve problems related to surviving in an outdoor setting, in unstable meteorological conditions and to do so in near constant motion.

So even though we don't know very much about the brain, the little that we do know suggests that if you wanted to design a learning environment that was directly opposed to what the brain is naturally good at doing, you design a classroom. There's between 8 and 10 million years since we diverged from chimpanzees.

Tell me a little bit more about that.

We're built to move 20 kilometers a day probably, seven days a week, all the time. If we sit still in one place for 30 minutes in the Serengeti given our extraordinary weak claws and bad incisors and hair, we'd be lunch. Yet we take kids that were designed to be moving around 12 miles a day, and we put them into a classroom for eight hours and expect them to sit still. That's like taking a jet airplane and just saying, I want you to taxi around the airport. I don't want you to fly. Now, airplanes can do that, [but] it's not what they're built for.

And so how does that play out in terms of learning. Are students benefiting from the classroom or not?

Well, let's take exercise as a perfect example. From the idea that we were really moving 12 miles per day and that we evolved under conditions of near constant motion, you could hypothesize that exercise would improve brain function. The more kids move and not just kids, adults, seniors. This has been tested at every age group and wherever it has been tested has been found to be the same result. Exercise improves cognition.

Is it fair to say your solution to challenges in the American education system is more P.E.?

That would be a part of it, but there's a huge range. And what's really weird is that you actually don't have to be fit, you just have to be exercising all the time. The ability to shift up and get that blood flow. So yes, part of the powerful solution to changes in the American education system would involve P.E. in terms of the school, and that's about half of what I would do.

Here's the other half. Do you know what it is a great predictor of executive function? The emotional stability of the home in which the kid is being raised. So if you challenged me to say let's change the school system, I can only give you about a 50 percent answer because the other half I would ask you, well, what do you do about the home life?

My research interests are the genetics of psychiatric disorders. I spent a long time thinking about how the brain develops in the womb and then what happens when things screw up years later and a psychopathology emerges? And one of the things that predicts those psychopathologies if you're depressed, if you're anxious, your grades usually suck. Your risk for suicide goes way high, your risk of social withdrawal is strong. So anything we could [do to] improve that is going to be of great power.

How much neuroscience should classroom teachers really understand and apply to teaching?

I actually think that we should change a great deal of how teachers are taught what they're taught. I will go out on a limb, I get in trouble for this and I actually don't care. In most universities, the departments of education do not study the very thing they are charged with studying. A geologist studies rocks, a molecular biologist is going to study molecules. Well, if you were to argue that learning involves the brain, you don't process information with your pancreas, you would argue that the colleges of education should be the cognitive neuroscientist units of an entire university setting.

To start, I would retrain teachers so that they are the cognitive neuroscientists of learning. They would be the people that everybody in the university would look up to to say, “exactly how does the brain process information and why is it that executive function?”

I would retrain teachers so that they are the cognitive neuroscientists of learning.

John Medina, University of Washington

What have you discovered in your own research about the relationship between empathic behavior, brain function and student performance?

Human learning is primarily a relational enterprise. Empathy is a part of that. I'm convinced that if you teach empathy for the teachers, the kids’ grades go up.

Is empathy training for the teachers or for students that you're talking about?

Well, in this particular case, we'll start with the teachers because it flows out from them. But you can also show that [Social Emotional Learning] programs, which are designed for the students, those that have a strong emphasis on executive function and empathic training usually improve the grades of those kids that do it. The whole idea is that if you teach somebody and they begin to feel safe.

We are so isolated in our own brains. There's a fair amount of barriers that are put up between any two people because we can't access each other's thought life except if you feel empathetic then you get the illusion that somebody is sharing your space.

The human brain wasn't built for learning, the human brain was built for surviving. That's its job. But if those survival instincts are tamped down so you [know you] can survive now, it allows all the other angels of its nature to move forward.

Is there not enough empathy in the classroom today?

I believe that teachers increasingly are some of the most stressed populations in the world in the United States. The amount of standards that they have to give, the funding that might be a problem. It doesn't surprise me at all that strikes are occurring in districts like popcorn. They're just popping everywhere.

People are reaching a limit to what they can do with the standards that are out there, the kinds of things they have to do, the parents that they have to put up with. They are so stressed. Empathy has a huge what we call a cognitive load. It takes a lot to be empathetic on a regular basis. And if you're already stressed out because you don't make enough money and you just got yelled at by the superintendent’s assistant, and then a parent came in and you had a lousy conference, you don't have anything left.

And when you stress a teacher, the ability for them to be consistently empathetic wanes. In fact, we have a term for it, “empathetic distress.” If you don't have much reserves left, you can reach that empathic distress at a fairly low level. One of the things you'd have to do is to give that frickin population of professionals a break.

What's the key takeaway that you're hoping folks will come away with from your talk later today with?

Well, one of the biggest is to understand that empathy can change somebody's grades. That's a big deal. Most people don't know that when a kid is beginning to get empathy training or feel training in the few places where it's actually been tested, you see some extraordinary changes in grades, and it's simply because I think the safety issues are so settled.

The Science of Empathy: What Researchers Want Teachers to Know published first on https://medium.com/@GetNewDLBusiness

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

My Type 1 Diabetes Diagnosis: “You Should Eat More Fruit & Drink Juice”

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-type-1/my-type-1-diabetes-diagnosis-you-should-eat-more-fruit-drink-juice/

My Type 1 Diabetes Diagnosis: “You Should Eat More Fruit & Drink Juice”

The following is an excerpt from Oren Liebermann’s new book, “The Insulin Express.”

The first doctor’s instructions to eat more fruit and drink more fruit juice were, in hindsight, both a blessing and a curse. The curse part is obvious. That doctor sent my blood sugar into the stratosphere, accelerating my downward spiral into diabetic ketoacidosis, a very dangerous condition where the body poisons itself. But I see it as a blessing for the exact same reason.

Without his terrible medical advice, I probably would’ve kept going for a few more weeks without visiting another doctor or hospital. I would’ve been in bad shape, but not horrible shape, hovering somewhere above the danger zone without plunging straight into it.

Because of his general lack of sound medical knowledge, my condition deteriorated so rapidly that I had no choice but to go to the hospital, and that’s where I finally got the help I needed (even if it took me two tries to find the right hospital). Once the doctors gave me insulin, I immediately put on weight, through both fluids and solids.

Since then, pharmaceutical companies have cranked out insulin pumps and continuous glucose monitors and insulin pens and inhalable insulin—and the list goes on. Frankly, I don’t know whether to be thrilled about all of the medical advancements in the last fifty years or pissed off that no one has cured this disease in 3,500 years, so I politically plant myself somewhere in the middle. I will be content with my disease, thankful that, if treated well, it is a nuisance and nothing more.

What will my life be like from here? It will be just as fun and ridiculous as it always was. To me, there is no old life and new life. There is life. There is no before and after. There is now. Life wasn’t ever really normal before, so why should I expect it to become normal?

Let’s review: A suburban Jewish kid from New Jersey falls into a career in television news while simultaneously learning to fly a plane his father built in the basement before quitting his job to travel the world with his interfaith wife. Does that storyline change all that dramatically if we add the modifier “diabetic” into there? Don’t think so.

I won’t ask the question, “Why did this happen to me?” Very simply, it happened. Not everything has to happen for a reason, even though I feel that most things do. It won’t help me to sit there and pointlessly ponder if diabetes was part of some bigger plan.

More importantly, it’s not fair to others to ask that question. Why did one of my best friends have a stroke at the same age at which I developed diabetes? Why did an acquaintance of mine die in a car crash in our fourth year of college? Why did a friend develop a malignant tumor in her early twenties, forcing her to go through multiple rounds of chemotherapy?

These people and their families may ask, “Why did this happen to us?” I have no such right. Not with something as simple and treatable as diabetes.

I know I am not alone.

The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 450 million people around the world have diabetes. In the United States, approximately twenty-nine million people have diabetes. Only about 5 to 10 percent have type 1 diabetes, in which the pancreas simply quits producing insulin. (The vast majority have type 2 diabetes, where the pancreas works, but fat cells get in the way of the insulin doing its job.)

Type 1 diabetes is almost always diagnosed before or right after puberty. It is incredibly rare for type 1 diabetes to happen after age thirty. I guess that makes me lucky.

For those keeping score, that’s now two straight misdiagnoses from medical types. After I blew out my knee the previous June, the resident at UPenn hospital said I had probably just strained something. It took my insurance two weeks to approve an MRI because she didn’t order one at the hospital that night.

And then Dr. Diabetes couldn’t figure out that I have the same disease he does. Seriously?! You guys spend eighty-seven years in medical school. Let’s make sure your diagnostic accuracy rate is a bit higher than the MLB batting average. Derek Jeter is allowed to bat .310. You are not.

And now, a few quick personal notes.

To the medical staff at CIWEC in Kathmandu: Thank you for getting me home so quickly once my care was in your hands. I think my parents appreciate this even more than I do.

To my pancreas: I’ll see you in hell. Quitter.

To Nesquik chocolate milk: I will do everything in my power to work you back into my life in a way that’s good for both of us. Right now, we need some time apart. It’s not you. It’s me. You haven’t changed. I have. Our relationship lasted thirty-one amazing years. You’ll always be in my heart until you’re again in my stomach.

Back at home, I assemble a diabetes travel kit with all my prescriptions and a few other items to help me along the way. I buy a diabetes food guide to gauge how many carbohydrates and sugars are in the food I’m eating, a small digital food scale in case I need to weigh food, measuring cups, and glucose tablets to keep my blood sugar up in case it drops too low.

Although the future suddenly seems very uncertain in ways it didn’t just a few weeks ago, Cassie and I are sure of one thing: we want to finish our trip. That may seem crazy. In fact, it may be crazy. But for us, and more importantly for me, it’s a very simple decision. If I decide to call off the rest of the trip now, then I have already given in. I have accepted restrictions on my life, and that sets a dangerous precedent so soon after my diagnosis. If I limit myself now, I will limit myself forever.

Photo Credit: Oren Liebermann

Diabetes Type 2 Treatment 800 Calorie Diabetic Diet Diabetes Destroyer Video Reviews Original Article