#Seriously thank you so much for taking the time to send a review at all

[mymindisneverhere]

warnings: 18+, SMUT, dirty talk, unprotected sex, & more but don’t say I ain’t warn you.

Summary: Aaron is head of an architect firm who just hired a new assistant who is very nervous yet severely attracted to him.

(this is my first time writing one of these but I had to cause this man got me in a chokehold. enjoy!) 🩵

Assistance

She watched as his back muscles flexed with every rep. He had been exercising for the past 30 minutes and she didn’t want to interrupt but this was an emergency. Meagan had been Mr. Pierre’s assistant for 3 months now and she was enjoying her time with him. He was a kind yet stern gentleman who took his business endeavors very seriously. He needed her to send the final blueprints of a new building his architect firm would be preparing to build this coming fall. The deadline was in an hour and there were still bits and pieces of information missing. She knew how much this meant to her boss but she also knew how much his private workout routines meant to him as well.

She didn't mean to stare but she couldn’t tear her gaze from his glistening body. This man was sculpted by the creator themselves. Every muscle flexed perfectly and the veins in his arms went well with his masculine physique. She studied his movements as he brought both of his arms up and down above his head, doing what they called “Shoulder Press”. After a few more reps he slammed the dumbbells down and leaned forward to catch his breath. She had been in such a trance that she didn’t notice him looking up to see her staring in the mirror.

“Do you like your job?” He asked in a stern tone.

”Uh y-yes.” She stammered, shaking her head to bring herself back into the present moment, pushing her curly hair behind her ears.

”Then I suggest you get back to it then.” He stated, reaching for a towel and throwing it over his shoulder.

“Um, Mr. Pierre sir, th-there are a few details missing from the blueprints. We h-have an hour and uh, I-I didn’t want to send them t-to the contractors until-“ She stuttered. She hated when this happened. She’d get so nervous that her words would struggle to leave her mouth. She always struggled with her speech impediment since a child but it had gotten better over the years, that is until she met Mr. Pierre.

He walked over to her grabbing the papers from her hand reviewing the layouts of the new fine arts museum that would be built right in the center of downtown. As he looked over the paperwork the two sat in silence. Well he was silent but he could hear her struggling to breathe as he stood a few inches away from her. He made her nervous and he liked it. It wasn’t anything new to him though.

Being the man that he was with a million dollar business caused women to gawk at the sight of him. What he didn’t enjoy about these women were the ones who were obviously bothered by his presence but chose to put on a front. He knew that he could be intimidating and he hadn’t done it on purpose. But the women who tried so hard to match his aura always failed tremendously. The over talking, over sexualizing themselves, practically throwing themselves at him when they weren’t even prepared for the type of man he was, irritated him.

But his assistant, Meagan, was a different story. She’d get nervous from time to time when speaking with him but she’d never force herself to hide it. He’d notice that she’d take a few deep breaths, take a sip of water and then get right back to it like she never missed a beat. He liked that. He had to admit watching her struggle around him fed his ego a bit.

He looked to her and handed her the papers, giving her the corrections to make before sending it off to be finalized.

“Is that all?” He asked, staring down at her with a stern expression.

“Yes sir, thank you.” She grabbed the papers with a steady hand, slowly to be sure she didn’t drop them or make it obvious that he had her shook. She placed the folder with the paperwork under her arm and turned to leave his in-home gym.

He stood watching her walk away, admiring her natural body from her defined hips that slightly dipped into deep dimples to her voluptuous ass. No matter how many pairs of tights she’d wear, they would never stop the natural jiggle that happened when she’d walk. He felt his dick jump in his workout tights and he knew he had to have her. He immediately grabbed his phone and made his way to his bedroom to shower.

Meagan sat at the kitchen island, her fingers going a mile a minute as she sent email after email. They had done it, they had just secured the lot for the new Museum of Fine Arts and this meant Mr. Pierre would have a large check coming to him very soon. This was her first big win as his assistant and she couldn’t decide how she would celebrate. Although she couldn’t focus on celebrating because every time she did, images of him flashed in her mind. Images of him in the gym, images of him staring down at his sketches for the new buildings, images of him fucking her-

“Did you get it to them on time?” He asked, interrupting her thoughts. She silently thanked him before responding.

“Uh yes sir.” She replied. She turned the laptop toward him so he could see for himself. “Everything is confirmed, the deal is done!” She said looking up at him. Her eyes were so soft and pleading, almost childlike. It’s like she wanted to impress him badly. She wanted to finally get the approval she had been working for these past 3 months.

“Good job.” He said dryly.

She frowned a bit, somewhat in confusion and frustration. What was with this guy? She had just helped him secure one of the biggest deals for his firm and all he could say was “Good job”. She turned the laptop back toward her and went back to doing her daily emailing.

As she confirmed meetings and lunches for him she tried to sneak a peek at him but he was already staring at her. She didn’t know what this meant but she was afraid she’d be in the unemployment line real soon. He didn’t say anything, he just stared at her. When the silence went on for longer than she expected her mind went into overdrive. She couldn’t be getting fired, they had just closed a 7 figure deal, but she did overstep a boundary by going into his gym without his permission. But it was an emergency, hell it was for his business. He couldn’t have been that much of an asshole.

”Look Mr. Pierre, I-I’m sorry about coming into the g-gym without your permission. I just d-didnt want to mess up y-your b-big-“ She struggled to get out before he interrupted her.

”Breathe.” He suggested.

She stared down at her hands as she took a few deep breaths before mustering up the courage to meet his stern gaze again.

“You’re not in trouble.” He said, calming her mind first and her body second. He studied her as he watched her chest rise up and down slowly. Her jaw became unclenched and her shoulders more relaxed.

He looked down at his watch to see the time was nearly 11p.m., it was too late to send her on her way. He had enough bedrooms in this house, she could just pick one to rest for the night and be on her way in the morning.

“I don’t want you driving back home so late tonight.” He spoke.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. It’s no prob-“

”That’s an order.” He interrupted. “I wouldn’t be a man if I let you leave so late, I know you have a far drive to make.”

She nodded, refusing to look him in the eye.

“You know your way around the house, you can stay in a guest suite tonight.” He said before leaving the kitchen. “Great job by the way.”

She looked up at him in surprise.

“You’ll be around for a while so get comfortable.” He finished, leaving her in the kitchen alone.

Once she heard his footsteps become silent, indicating that he was no longer within ears reach, she jumped up in celebration. That is exactly what she wanted to hear.

”Yes!” She yelled, covering her mouth. She giggled to herself as she grabbed her laptop off of the island and made her way up to one of the guest suites.

After placing her things in the chair that sat near the window, she unbuttoned her dress shirt and kicked off her heels. She chose to stay in the guest suite on the far west wing of the house, it was in the opposite wing from his bedroom. She walked into the large bathroom that was attached to the suite and turned on the lights. She looked over to see a walk in shower and a large garden tub. She had chosen to take a shower instead, she was already a guest in his house, the last thing she needed to do was spend hours in his bathtub.

She turned on the faucet, pulling it all the way left to get the water as hot as possible. That was the only way she’d take showers. Closing the shower door, she walked over to the mirror to continue removing her clothes while the water warmed to her liking. She got down to her bra and panties, a matching set, as she admired her reflection. When she unbuttoned her bra, causing her natural 34 C’s to drop a bit, the images began to flash in her mind. Only this time she had imagined Mr. Pierre in the bathroom with her, staring at her with those icy blue eyes that sent chills down her spine.

This made her pussy tingle. The thought of her tall, broad shouldered, smooth skin, no nonsense boss staring at her with pure hunger and desire. Him touching all over her body, feeling her breasts in his big hands, feeling his soft lips on her neck. Her fantasies were making her wet but it was fine because she would hop right in the shower to wash her lustful thoughts away.

She stepped out of her panties and into the shower, letting the hot water run down her body. Her hands ran up and down her figure as she tried hard to stop the fantasies of her boss joining her in the shower. She had pictured what he’d look like naked a few times, she had already gotten half of the picture today when she saw him shirtless. His toned arms, each one covered in a single tattoo, his chiseled chest, his brown nipples, his defined abs and that V cut that she had stared down at while he reviewed the blueprints. She knew that V cut led to a heavy dick, carved with thick veins and a head that would feel soft against her lips.

She was so deep in her thoughts, she hadn’t realized that her hands had been playing in her pussy. Her middle finger and ring finger toyed with her clit as her hands began to wrinkle from the wetness her boss had brought her and he didn’t even know. As she played with her pussy she imagined his tongue there.

“Fuck.” She had let out a moan, sure that she wouldn’t be heard. She was positive that the water would drown out her cries.

“You feel so good in my pussy Mr. Pierre.” She said aloud, not worried about being heard by him or the house keepers. “Eat this pussy Daddy.”

She moaned and groaned, begging and pleading for her boss to make her cum until she came all over his face in her mind, her fingers in reality. After a few breaths she opened her eyes to realize where she was and that she needed to get clean so she could get some sleep.

A few minutes passed and the water was turned off. She stepped out of the shower, one foot at a time before realizing she had no towel to dry off with. She searched through the drawers in the sink vanity and found nothing but toothbrushes and toothpaste. Not a towel in sight.

“Shit.” She said to herself. She needed to dry off but stepping outside of this bathroom uncovered was too much of a risk for her. She didn’t even want to think of being caught by the house keepers let alone her boss. She sat thinking for a few minutes, contemplating on whether or not she should just air dry and slip on the pajama sets he had stored in the nightstand next to the bed. She hated air drying in the bathroom though, it was so wet and humid, she needed to get out of there.

Once she remembered his beautiful mansion came with intercoms in each room she figured she'd just politely ask for some towels to be left outside of the door. Finally satisfied with her plan, she headed for the bathroom door. When she swung the door open her heart sank as she met his blue eyes first. Her boss, Mr. Pierre stood on the other side of the door staring down at her.

Panic was written all over her face as she remembered she had just orgasmed to the thought of him eating her. She had called out his name and many other things, confident that she wouldn’t be heard. But by the look on his face, she knew he had heard everything.

“I remembered the housekeepers didn’t stock this bathroom with towels, so I thought I’d bring you some.” He started, still staring down at her with those beautiful eyes, that seem to change to a light hazel color now. He walked into the bathroom causing her to step back until her back hit the wall near the shower.

“Did you need me for something?” He smirked, towering over her. Her 5’4 frame didn’t stand a chance under his 6’3 build.

She stood there speechless, she didn’t know what to say. She was too embarrassed to speak. No matter how hard he stared at her, she refused to meet his eyes. So she stood staring at his chest, his muscular and defined chest.

“I- um, I- was j-“ She struggled, this time understandably.

He bent down, burying his face into her neck, sucking on her vanilla scented skin. She was still so caught off guard, not coming to terms with the fact that her fantasies were coming true in real time. He dropped the towels and reached down to grab her legs, wrapping them around his waist. He sucked and licked on her neck, planting kisses all over her.

“Sir, I-I didn’t m-mean to-“ She stuttered, struggling to breathe correctly or at all.

“Don’t be nervous now.” He mumbled, his deep voice rumbling in his chest. “This what you wanted right?” He pulled her off of the wall and sat her on the bathroom sink.

“Um…” She managed.

“Right?” He asked, looking into her eyes, demanding a response.

She looked up at him before taking a deep breath and responding “Yes.”

“Yes what?” He asked, still staring intensely at her.

“Yes sir.” She breathed.

He smirked. He enjoyed having women at his mercy but this woman was different. He didn’t expect her to be pleasuring herself to the thought of him. She appeared innocent and sweet but that was clearly a front. She craved him just as much as he craved her.

He looked down at her freshly waxed pussy still glistening as a result of her own pleasures. He licked his lips as he admired the sight of her body in front of him. He didn’t know where to start, he just knew he didn’t want to go wrong with this masterpiece that sat waiting to be devoured by him.

She looked down at his sweatpants and saw his print. She wanted so badly to find out what he felt like, what he tasted like, how his dick would feel hitting the back of her throat. Without hesitation she stood from the sink and dropped to her knees. She ran her fingers around his waist before pulling his pants down, coming face to face with his dick. It was exactly how she imagined, thick, brown and beautiful. She grabbed his length with her hand, noticing the precum that sat right at the head.

She licked the sweet cum off of him, locking eyes with her boss as she did so. He was taken aback at the sight of his once nervous and jittery assistant who was now bold and fearless. He was used to being the dominant in the situation, he would have his women responding to his touch and the feeling of his tongue in their pussy. But this night was a total 180, he found himself being the subject of a woman who had dreamed of devouring him months ago.

She licked the entirety of his dick before taking him into her mouth, wrapping her lips around his hardness. She jerked her neck back and forth, her tongue rubbing against the bottom of his dick so that he could feel only the wetness and warmth of her mouth. She sucked and slurped, moaning out of pure satisfaction and enjoyment. She watched as his face frowned in pure bliss. He had placed his hands on her head to help guide her but she didn’t need any guidance. She could tell by the look on his face he wanted something more, but he was in too much ecstasy to bring himself to say it.

“Fuck my face.” She said, rubbing the head of his penis against her full lips that were covered in spit. She liked the fact that she was watching her super tough super masculine boss fold at her touch, it was all because of her.

He tightened the grip on her head and forced himself into her mouth touching the back of her throat. She relaxed the muscles in her neck so that he could get better access, all the access he hoped for. He fucked her face, pumping in and out of her mouth pausing when he got all of himself into her. This caused her to gag slightly, building more saliva in her mouth which would make for an even better experience. He thrusted his hips back and forth, pausing between strokes to trigger her gag reflex. He loved the sound of her struggling to take all of him in. The more she gagged, the more tears built in her eyes. Before she knew it, the tears had fallen and the spit that built in her throat and ran down her neck onto her breasts.

This sight caused him to clench his jaw reluctantly. His assistant who he perceived as innocent had turned into a slut all because of him. The way she moaned as if she was the one being pleasured, the way her eyes would roll into her head and then focused back into his, hedidn’t want to cum just yet but the way she locked eyes with while he fucked her pretty face sent him over the edge. How she sat and took in every inch of him without tapping out made him let out a loud groan before sending his nut down her throat.

”Fuuuuuck!” He groaned, holding her head in place as he rode out his orgasm. She sat still as he struggled to catch his breath, her eyes still locked onto his. He pulled out of her and took a few breaths, still coming down from his climax. She swallowed every single drop of him.

“Stand up.” He demanded, his voice deep and impatient.

She stood with a slight smirk on her face, proud of her performance. In a swift motion she spun around facing the mirror as he kicked her legs open and slightly bent her over the sink. His hand was still wrapped tightly around her curls so this sudden change in position was all his doing. He pressed himself into her ass while he eyed her through the mirror. He could see that this had caught her off guard, the ball was now back in his court. He stared down at her ass, biting his lip in anticipation.

“Don't get nervous now.” She said, eyeing him through the mirror, a small smirk on her face again.

Without warning he pushed himself into her slowly until all of him was inside of her, every single inch. She let out a small wince from pain from the size of his dick. It had been a while since she’d had any, let alone one this size. With a hand full of curls in his left hand, he pulled her head back wrapping the other around her throat as he began to fuck her from behind. The sound of her ass slapping against him and the wetness from her pussy sent her into another realm. It was so good, better than she’d imagined.

He stroked her pussy, barely tightening the grip he had on her lower jaw. He pulled in and out of her, slamming himself into her with a quick thrust and then returning back to his steady pace. As he began to roll his hips into her, he saw her face twist in complete pleasure.

”Is this how you wanted it?” He said into her ear.

“Mhmm.” She replied, still so caught up in the pleasure she was getting from him.

“Use your words.” He said, tightening the hold he had on her hair.

“Yes sir.” She quickly responded.

“Good girl.” He spoke into her ear.

She felt him moving in and out of her, his dick hitting every spot with every stroke. She could feel the head of his dick rub against her spot over and over again. It was only a matter of time before she would cum all over him like she had imagined for months. The more he spoke into her ear, the crazier he was driving her. He knew exactly what to say and how to say it. His deep and calm tone right in her ear sent sensations to her clit, it was so swollen that it damn near stung from pleasure.

“You gone cum on this dick for me?” He asked, tightened the grip he had around her neck.

“Yes!” That was all she could manage at the moment.

“Cum on this dick baby.” He said into her ear, still hitting that spot that made her eyebrows wrinkle in pleasure.

She could feel her stomach tightening and pussy began to contract around him, she was cumming.

“Yes daddy, I’m cummin’” She yelled out in pleasure. He continued stroking her, feeling her creamy goodness run down his dick and onto his balls. He wanted all of her, he wouldn’t leave her until she was completely undone. He slowed his pace giving her time to come down from her orgasm before he made her cum again.

After a few long and slow strokes, he gradually picked up his pace aiming for another climax from her.

“Oh fuck yes!” She cried out. She had never cum multiple times in one day. For her orgasms to be back to back like this, there was no way she would ever meet anyone else who would top him.

”Give me that shit.” He spat, his lips brushing her earlobe. He needed his demands to send blood rushing right to her pussy.

”Yes!” She screamed, cumming all over him once again. Her clit jumped as her pussy throbbed naturally after her second orgasm. Even after that powerful flood that ran down her legs, he still hadn’t stopped stroking.

“I can’t.” She said, pleading for him to let her come down.

“Yes you can.” He said, now picking up the pace. His strokes became harder and faster, this time it was his turn to become undone and he wasn’t stopping until he did so. He fucked her like he was running a marathon and he could see the finish line a few feet away.

“Please.” She begged. Her hearing was starting to fade and breathing was becoming harder and harder by the second. On one hand she wanted a break, she needed a break from all of this back to back pleasure. But for some reason she didn’t want him to stop, she could feel his dick throb in her pussy. She knew he was about to cum and she wanted to have the last laugh.

“I’m almost there baby.” He said, his eyes closed as he felt the nut build in his lower abdomen. She watched in amazement as his face turned in pleasure. She took this opportunity to watch him fold yet again.

“Cum in my pussy daddy.” She moaned.

That was it. He leaned forward, placing his lips on her neck, closing his eyes even tighter than before. He grinded deeply into her until he felt his muscles in his stomach flex.

”Fuck!” He groaned into her neck as he shot his cum deep into her pussy. He stroked forcefully until he felt all of himself empty inside of her, before stopping and letting go of her hair.

There they rested against the bathroom counter struggling to catch their breath, holding onto each other for dear life. After a few minutes they both opened their eyes and stared at each other through the mirror.

“Sleep in my room tonight.” He began. “Or you’re fired.” He finished, pulling himself out of her and leaving the room.

She felt her knees buckle as she struggled to keep herself upright.

”I love my job.” She said to herself.

(I hope y’all liked it 😭 excuse any mistakes)

🩵

[mangocustard16]

FIRST DATE (VERNON'S VERSION)

genre: fluff, headcanon warnings: first date nerves, kiss(cheek) wc: 400 a/n: thank you anon! please reblog if you enjoyed, feedback is always appreciated

first of all, he was nervous about asking you out. it was probably months of pining over you, planning things out, and just waiting for the perfect opportunity to ask

when he finally did, it was more like, "Hey...would...date...with...me"

picks you up from your house, with flowers, and opens the door for you so politely that you almost get the impression that he's acting strange

the two of you would probably go and see a movie for your first date and grab some popcorn before the movie starts

after finishing your popcorn before the movie even starts, you'll have to run back to buy some more

vernon doesn't pay you much attention he is way too absorbed in the movie for his own good

if you go to the bathroom during the interval, he buys you more snacks, so you can't argue or try to split the bill.

has a lot of thoughts about the movie so far so, tells you everything he's come up with

you've come to the conclusion, that this guy is a complete nerd and writes half of his reviews during intervals so he doesn't miss anything

his ears turn so red when your hands brush against his while reaching for the popcorn

suggests grabbing a bite to eat at a nearby diner

he excitedly discusses the movie's themes, character development, and any easter eggs he noticed

is very interested in your thoughts about the movie

is so flustered when you compliment him that he accidentally spills your drink, apologizing profusely and offering to pay for a replacement

the conversations with him are really deep

he prefers to really get to know you, the real you, and answers all your questions very seriously

the conversations flow so effortlessly that you don’t even realize how much time has passed until the sun starts to set 

internally takes notes of everything

what you're wearing, what he's wearing, the way you almost fall out of your seat laughing

'accidentally' links his pinky with you while walking back to the car

mhmm sounds right

he's driving you back home, almost pops out a ring when you play his favorite underground artist

tells you that he had so much fun and is down for another date

doesn't expect any kisses or anything

but if you kiss him on the cheek while leaving

oh boy, he’s going to think about it all night

@kflixnet @k-films@k-labels taglist-˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅: @bangchansbae @haecien @aaniag @aaasia111 @weird-bookworm @gigification @bewoyewo if you want to be added just send me an ask ♡⸝⸝

pls reblog if you liked !!

[nurse-floyd]

GIRL DAD NANDO (another lol) WHO'S DAUGHTER WANTS TO RIDE HORSES

Fic header by @papaya-twinks thank you love <3

I genuinely LOVE writing all the grid as horse girl dads, PLEASE send more!

When his daughter, Isabella, asked him if she could ride, he had to be honest with himself; he thought she meant karting at first. But when she laughed at him and told him, “No, Papa! Ponies! Can I pretty please learn to ride?” he couldn’t say no to her.

He began researching horse riding the very next day and learned everything he could. Fernando researched the closest stables, which ones had the best reviews, and which had the best ponies, because his daughter only deserved the best. He got her enrolled at a riding school the very next morning, and she had her first lesson that weekend.

He watched her smile grow as the stable hand fitted her with a helmet and boots. His heart was filled with joy and terror as he watched her climb on top of the huge horse they had tacked up and ready for her.

“Papa! Look!” she was giddy with joy as the instructor led her around the riding ring on the lead rope.

If you had asked him a few years ago if he thought he’d be spending his weekends at a riding stable instead of a karting ring, he’d have laughed, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

After a few weeks, he knew there was no stopping her from continuing riding. The instructor told him she had natural talent, and she had learned how to ride around by herself and had even begun trotting by herself.

He knew Lando’s sister rode horses, and although he didn’t interact much with the young driver, he sent him a message to see if he could help with getting his daughter her very own helmet and boots. He had to convince Lando that, no, his daughter didn’t need his design on her helmet to match his sister Flo’s, but he did set her up with a shiny pink helmet and the best boots he could find.

After a few more months of riding and a conversation with his girlfriend, her mother, he had a surprise in store: her very own horse. He didn’t want to rush into it and again had Lando and Flo’s help, as well as some help from the instructor they’d all gotten to know over her time at the stables. After a month of searching, he narrowed it down to a few choices and sat down over breakfast with her.

“Bebita,” he kissed her head as he sat down at the breakfast table while she ate her cereal.

“Good morning, Papa,” she greeted back.

“So,” he began. He couldn’t help but smile as he got ready to tell her the news.

“You’re being silly, Papa,” she giggled.

“You’ve been enjoying horse riding?”

She nodded vigorously, “Yes! My instructor said I have been doing really well, and she said we can start learning to canter!”

He swallowed anxiously but kept up his smile, now knowing how his parents and girlfriend felt every time he drove around the track at 180 mph. “That’s wonderful news!” He matched her excitement. “So, bebita, Mommy and I have been thinking and were wondering if you would maybe like your own horse?”

The little girl couldn’t contain her excitement as she practically threw her chair back and launched herself into his arms. “Seriously, Papa? My own horse?”

He laughed as he held her tight, unable to stop smiling as she practically buzzed with excitement. “We can go and see the horses today, and if you like one, yes, bebita, you can get your very own horse!”

His little girl couldn’t contain her excitement as she practically shoveled down the rest of her cereal and sprinted upstairs to get ready.

When they pulled up to the ranch, a stable hand greeted them. Isabella’s eyes widened as she saw the row of stalls with horses lining either side. “We’ve got a variety of ponies and horses perfect for beginners and more experienced riders,” the stable hand showing them around explained, “Feel free to take your time and see if you feel a connection with any.”

Fernando watched with his wife as Isabella let go of his hand and went from stable to stable, stopping to talk to the horses and stroking their noses as they nuzzled into her.

After seeing a few of the ponies, she got to the next stall and stood still, her little mouth opened as she eyed the majestic black horse before her. He was larger than any of the others they’d seen with his glossy black coat and proud stance. His dark eyes stared at her with curiosity. She read the name on the stall: Diablo.

She held out her hand, and the horse gave it a sniff before letting out a snort and rubbing into her hand. Fernando could already see she’d fallen in love as the horse nuzzled into her side and bumped her hand looking for more affection.

As he came to her side, suddenly the horse looked even bigger; then he saw the nameplate on the stable door. “What about the little black and white pony we saw earlier, hmm? He looked very nice,” he tried to coax her into the kinder looking and smaller pony they’d seen.

“No, Papa. This is the one! He looks just like the one on the Ferrari cars!” She bounced excitedly.

His girlfriend squeezed his hand gently, grounding him. “If that’s the one she wants…”

With smiles and pleading from both his girls, he couldn’t say no.

The stable hand came over and smiled as he watched the interaction between Diablo and the small girl. The size difference was quite comical. “Don’t let his name fool you,” he said to Fernando as he saw the concern on his face, “He really is a wonderful horse. He’s gentle and well-trained.”

He looked at his daughter, who was happily talking with Diablo and stroking his nose. “I guess we’ll take Diablo.”

They completed the paperwork and made the arrangements for Diablo’s care and transfer to the stables where she rode. The bond between them was already evident, and it warmed his heart more than anything else to see his little girl happy.

[khaleesiofalicante]

A Blessing - LDV Ficlet

Contrary to his brother’s belief, Rafael does not have a stick up his ass. 

Does he have standards? Yes. Does he have a system? Absolutely. 

Does he have crippling anxiety that whispers in his ear that he must do everything according to his system to meet his standards? You bet your ass, he does. 

But he doesn’t have a stick in his ass, thank you very much. 

That would make it very difficult to do some of the things he does, such as sitting on the carpeted floor of his father’s office and read through and review a dozen different campaign strategies before midnight. 

Dad didn’t ask him to do it. Dad certainly didn’t ask him to do it before midnight. 

But Rafael’s system did, and his standards insisted. 

He has to listen. Not abiding by his system and compromising his standards would be a colossal mistake. A mistake that will result in everything around him crumbling down. 

People might even die. Who knows?

“Rafael?”

Rafael looks up at the voice and smiles. “Hey, Maia.”

Maia is dad’s campaign advisor. If things go as planned and they make it into the White House – the very thought of which sends a shiver down his spine – Maia might even lead the White House Communications Office. 

Dad met Maia in college. Rafael knows the whole story. 

He first thought that it was a bad idea to employ your friends. But dad always says that its greatest strength – surrounding yourself with people you love and trust. 

Maybe Rafael finds it complicated because he doesn’t have many friends. He is not very good at making them or retaining them. But it’s fine. 

He has a system. He has standards. His system says that to achieve his standards, he should have at least three good friends by the time he turns 30. 

He is still 21, so he should be fine. 

“It’s late,” Maia points out, as if he doesn’t know. He didn’t know actually. But it’s fine. “Did you eat?”

Rafael points at the half-eaten box of takeout on the floor. “Is dad done with the meeting?”

“Not yet,” Maia replies. “But he asked to check if you want to go home. It looks like it’s going to storm tonight too.”

“I’m not done with these yet,” Rafael points at the files scattered around him. 

“You can come back here and do them tomorrow-”

Rafael shakes his head immediately. “I have to finish today. Before midnight.”

Maia eyes the documents with uncertainty, as if it’s not a realistic goal. Then she nods and walks away. 

Wow. That was easy. 

He really thought she might put up a fight about it. 

But the thing is, Maia is super smart. She’d never do something if she knows there is someone out there who can do it better and quicker. 

“Rafael.”

Ah shit. Of course she called in big guns. 

“What’s up?” Rafael asks casually. 

“I’m taking Max home and you’re coming with me,” Bapak informs, and it doesn’t sound like Rafael has a choice.

Rafael turns around and looks at his brother who has been passed out on the couch for the last two hours. Poor thing must be exhausted after all that training. 

Max has his own system – about what he eats and when he sleeps and how he exercises. If Rafael listens to his brain, Max listens to his body. 

Rafael will never understand how someone as impulsive and reckless his brother could practice such discipline. He wishes his brother would apply that commitment to something a little less intense – something that doesn’t require him to wake up at four in the morning and sacrifice chocolate. 

“I’m not done, bapak,” Rafael points at the campaign files. “I need to read all of them and then organize them for Maia.”

“You know the election is next year, not next month?”

“That’s only twelve months. Not enough time!”

“When I said you should take a break after college, I didn’t mean camping out in your father’s office,” Bapak shakes his head.

“Dad needs all the help he can get,” Rafael says a little seriously. “Also, if all of us leave now, he’ll probably feel like we abandoned him.”

“I will not fall for your manipulation,” Bapak huffs and then frowns a little. “But I suppose I could send Max home with Elyaas, then stay here and help you.”

“No, I have a system!” Rafael all but wails. “I have to do it my way. It’s the most efficient way.”

Bapak sighs at that. “Darling, you’re not going to finish all of this on your own.”

“I can if you stop talking to me,” Rafael points out. 

“Alright,” Bapak puts up his hand, always knowing when to concede. “But if you don’t come home with your father, I will lock the front door.”

“No, you won’t,” Rafael replies, not looking up. 

“No, I won’t,” the man sighs at that. “Will you wake your brother up and ask him to meet me in the lobby. I’ll get the car to come around.”

When Rafael pokes his brother in the tummy, Max immediately wakes up and sits up straight – as if he is in the army or something. He frowns at his Apple Watch and then frowns further at Rafael. “You interrupted a really nice dream.”

“Were you dreaming in French?” Rafael makes a face. “You were mumbling.”

“No,” Max huffs and then makes a wistful expression. “Do you know if the prince will attend the Olympics next year?”

“What prince?”

“The Prince of France, Rafael, who else?” Max rolls his eyes. “It’s happening in Paris, remember?”

“Ah,” Rafael replies and then shrugs. “I don’t know. He’ll probably be at the opening ceremony.”

“I see. I see,” Max nods seriously. 

Rafael chuckles at that and shakes his head.  “Bapak is going home. Meet him at the lobby.” 

“You’re not coming?” Max yawns. 

“No.”

“I can stay if you want,” Max offers. 

“No, I’m good,” Rafael replies. “You go home and sleep properly.”

“Okay,” Max yawns again. “I need to go home and take an ice bath anyway. Coach says we need to get used to cold water because Paris is going to be cold as shit in February.”

Rafael truly worries about his brother sometimes. All this training stuff is getting a little out of hand. He should probably mention it to his parents. 

But he needs to stick to his plan for now. One task at a time. 

He immerses self into campaign strategy from the Obama campaign, focusing on grassroots organizing. He has no idea how much time has passed when he hears a knock on the door. 

“I’m almost done,” Rafael lies immediately. 

He has seven more campaign strategies to read up on and its quarter to midnight. He might have slightly miscalculated the amount of time that he needs to read through these files. 

It’s not his fault. Whoever wrote this was extremely thorough so he can’t help but take his time with it, digesting every crucial detail to better understand their own campaign for next year. 

“Yeah, you’re going home,” Dad informs.

“But I’m not done,” Rafael points out. 

“We are closing the office,” Dad counters. 

“Can I take these home?” Rafael gathers up the files to his chest. 

“It’s too sensitive, Rafe, I don’t think so,” Dad replies. 

Rafael chews his lip. “I wanted to finish this today.”

Dad sighs at that as he walks over and crouches next to Rafael on the floor. “The world is not going to fall apart just because you didn’t finish this today.”

But it will. It might. 

Rafael doesn’t know how to explain it to his parents or anyone else. If he can’t finish his tasks for the day, then it will up with his tasks for tomorrow and then it will go on like that until everything turns into a shitshow. 

And the next thing you know dad will lose the election and it will all be Rafael’s fault.

“I just want to help,” Rafael says quietly. 

“I know,” Dad puts a careful hand on his shoulder. “But you’re not helping right now, you’re holding everyone up from going home.”

“Right,” Rafael swallows. “I’ll come home with you.”

His brain is screaming at him to shut up. 

You’re doing it wrong. You’re doing it all wrong. You didn’t finish your task! You’re going to mess everything up!

“Hey,” Dad says gently. “Would it help if I give you a new task to accomplish?”

He knows. Dad always knows. 

“Yes, please,” Rafael replies immediately. 

“Could you drop Anjali home?” Dad asks. “I think she’s going to take a cab, but you know how I feel about those.”

Oh shit. 

Is this what people mean by digging your own grave? Probably. 

But it’s still a task and Rafael is happy to do it just in case it will quieten his brain a little bit. 

“Okay,” Rafael nods and packs his things up. “I can do that.”

“Great,” Dad smiles and turns around. “Ah, Anjali. Good news. Rafael will drop you home.”

Anjali narrows her perfectly manicured eyebrows. “I didn’t ask to be dropped home.”

“Yes, well, it’s late and you know it’s not safe for a young girl to-”

“So, the solution is to be chaperoned by a man?” Anjali asks in amusement. “It’s interesting how the problem and the solution both happen to be men.”

“Anjali, it’s past midnight and I haven’t had enough whiskey for this conversation,” Dad pinches the bridge of his nose. “Now please go home and we can talk about how much the patriarchy sucks tomorrow, okay?”

“I’ll hold you to it, Mr. Lightwood,” Anjali gives a little salute. 

Dad rolls his eyes fondly and gives Rafael a nod before leaving the room with his jacket and keys.

“I just like fucking with him,” Anjali informs to no one in particular. 

“Lucky,” Rafael mumbles under his breath. 

“Sorry?” Anjali frowns. 

“Nothing,” Rafael clears his throat. “We should probably leave before it starts raining.”

“Okay,” Anjali replies as she picks up all the files on the floor. 

“Dad said to not take them home,” Rafael says quickly. “They’re sensitive.”

“I know,” Anjali rolls her eyes. “I wrote them.”

“Oh,” Rafael blinks. “Um. They’re…They’re really well-written. I liked how you had pointed out the key learnings under each strategy and noted the potential risk factors too.”

Anjali gives him a look at that. “Don’t flirt with me.”

“I wasn’t!” Rafael squeaks. 

He was. He totally was. He just didn’t think she’d clock it.

They take the elevator quietly, Anjali carrying half a dozen files in her arms and Rafael trying not to nervously pull at his jacket.

“You scared of elevators or something?” Anjali asks. 

“No,” Rafael swallows. “I just…I don’t wanna get caught in the rain.”

“I can still take a cab.”

“No,” Rafael shakes his head immediately. “I have to drop you home.”

It’s a task. He has to finish it.

“You have to drop me home?” Anjali scoffs. 

“I just meant…I promised my dad I’ll do it,” Rafael tries to explain.

“Your dad is very annoying sometimes,” Anjali informs as the elevator opens. 

“Why do you work for him then?” Rafael asks curiously, voicing the question he’d always wanted to ask her. 

“Because working in the White House will look great on my CV,” Anjali shrugs. “Make it a little easier to make my way into the Supreme Court one day.”

“I just didn’t think you’d want to be a secretary,” Rafael points out. 

Anjali looks over her shoulder. “You think about me, Santiago?”

Rafael flushes at that. “I just meant-”

“Nothing wrong with being a secretary,” Anjali tells him. “Especially if you’re working for someone who knows what they’re doing.”

Rafael smiles at that. “I’m glad to hear that. My dad speaks highly of you too.”

Anjali’s stilettos come to a screeching halt as she whirls around and jabs him with a long, red acrylic nail. “Tell me everything.”

Rafael chuckles at that as he spots his bike and walks over to it. “You should consider your options though. Just in case we don’t make into the White House next year.”

“You don’t think we will?” Anjali frowns. 

“We will if we follow our strategy and do everything exactly as we’ve planned,” Rafael points out. “But, you know, things don’t always have to plan.”

“That’s what losers say,” Anjali scoffs. 

“I just like a good backup plan,” Rafael shrugs. “There are plenty of judges in New York you can work with. Or you can work in the DA’s office.”

“The District Attorney is a cunt,” Anjali says very matter-of-factly. 

Rafael chuckles at that as he takes out his keys. “You know, you’d get along great with my brother.”

Anjali groans at that loudly. “No offense, but that boy gives me a migraine every time I talk to him.”

Rafael chuckles again. “Well, you’re gonna have to put up with him a lot if we make it into the White House next year.”

“When we’re gonna make it into the White House,” Anjali corrects him. “And when we do, you and your doubtful ass owes me a set of new highlighters.”

“Textsurfer Classics or the Zebra Mildliners?” Rafael asks as he climbs onto the bike, chuckling at Anjali’s expression on the mirror. “What? I know my way around stationery.”

Anjali scowls at that before climbing in behind him. "I told you not to flirt with me."

Rain pours down on them just as they make it to the Lower East Side, just a couple of minutes away from the Williamsburg Bridge, close to where Anjali lives. 

“Do you want me to pull over?” Rafael loudly asks over his shoulder. 

“We’re almost there. Let’s just keep going,” Anjali shouts in his ear. “I think it might get worse if we wait.”

Rafael nods and tries to go a little faster. He senses Anjali shift behind him and watches her remove her jacket and drape it over the slides close to her chest. 

“Anjali, you’re going to get sick!”

“I need to protect files!”

“Don’t you soft copies?”

“Don’t be stupid. Of course I do.”

“We’ll just get more printouts.”

“But you already annotated most of this.”

Rafael pauses at that. “It’s fine. I can do it again.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Anjali!”

“Just shut up and get me home.”

By the time they get to her apartment building, they are both drenched, Anjali worse than him. Rafael considers giving her his jacket, but it’s of no use. 

“I told you,” Anjali tells him, teeth chattering a little. “It got worse.”

“Shit,” Rafael sighs, looking at the rain that pours down the street. Bapak will kill him if he tries to ride his bike in this rain. 

“You can stay at mine until it calms down,” Anjali shivers a little and walks over to the elevator.

The elevator ride is quiet and cold. Anjali’s apartment is even quieter and colder.

It’s everything and nothing Rafael expected. 

He’s known her since he was in high school. Dad’s friends with Anjali’s father and they met at a fundraiser and Rafael’s been obsessed with her even since. 

He likes to think he knows her well – mostly by observing her. Because the thought of talking to her terrifies him. What if she thinks he is just another dude trying to hit on her? Even though he is fact just another dude trying to hit on her?

“If you don’t stop that, I’m going to punch your judgy little face,” Anjali glares at him. 

“What?” Rafael coughs. “Your apartment is, uh, lovely.”

“I know it needs cleaning,” Anjali rolls her eyes, putting away four empty cups of chat on her coffee table. 

“I’m not judging. I know you’re super busy,” Rafael says carefully. “Although…You could get a cleaner?”

“Pay someone to clean my house?” Anjali snorts loudly. “My Amma might just disown me.”

Rafael chuckles at that and shrugs. “Well, I don’t mind.”

He does. He minds a lot. But it’s rude to tell someone their house is messy and it’s beyond stupid to say that to the girl of your dreams. 

“I’ve only got one bedroom, so you’re gonna have to take the couch,” Anjali tells him, walking over to the couch and picking up a bunch of things off it. Why is the laundry detergent on the couch? Never mind.

“That’s fine,” Rafael replies. “Can I have the files back?”

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” Anjali demands incredulously.

“I can’t sleep in new places anyway,” Rafael shrugs, which is only half a lie. In truth, he can’t sleep when he knows she’s right there, too close and too far at the same time. 

“You need sleep,” Anjali frowns at him. 

“I need the files,” Rafael corrects. 

“Well, you’re not getting them.”

“Anjali.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was planning to work on it tonight, okay?” She huffs in response. “You don’t get to interrupt my routine.”

“Your 1 AM routine?” Rafael raises an eyebrow. 

“Don’t be a hypocrite,” Anjali rolls her eyes. “Bathrooms on your left. I can give you some clothes to wear if you want. I have some of my dad’s shirt-”

“I don’t mind wearing yours,” Rafael tells her. “I’m sure I can pull it off.”

Anjali rolls her eyes at that before walking off to her bedroom and returning with a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain burgundy t-shirt. “Let’s see if you can pull it off.”

Rafael tries not to scream. “Is it okay if I use the bathroom first?”

“Yeah, I need to clean up here anyway,” Anjali sighs and glares at her own living room. 

Rafael quickly heads to the bathroom and gets changed, trying not to have a panic attack the entire time.

It’s fine. It’s fine. He can handle this. 

Just go out there and be normal. 

Don’t do anything weird. Don’t say anything weird.

Just be normal. Be chill. 

When he walks out of the bathroom – dressed in Anjali’s clothes, ah! – he finds the girl leaning over the now clean coffee table and setting down the files. 

“Do you need help with that?” Rafael asks. “I’m sure we can finish it soon if we do it together.”

See? 

Normal. Chill. Nothing weird. All good. 

“I guess that makes sense, thank you,” Anjali sighs at that. “Give me a minute. I need to get out of these wet clothes first.”

“Do you need help with that?” Rafael asks again before can stop himself. 

Anjali stills at that before slowly turning around to face. 

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

Run. Jump out of the window. Save yourself. 

She walks over to him and cocks her head. “What did I tell you about flirting with me?”

“Uhhh,” Rafael replies eloquently. 

“You and I?” Anjali says slowly, and Rafael can’t help but focus on the water droplets running down her neck. “It won’t work.”

“Why not?” Rafael asks stupidly. 

“Because I will be part of your father’s permanent staff very soon.”

“If he becomes President, you mean.”

“When.”

“If.”

“When.”

“If.”

“Why can’t you be delusional for a minute and believe that he can actually win this thing?” Anjali demands in frustration. 

“Someone has to keep all of you on your toes,” Rafael hears himself reply. “Besides, the only thing I’m delusional about is thinking that you like me as much as I do.”

“Well, that depends,” Anjali hums quietly. “How much do you like me?”

“Enough to fantasize about a world where my father doesn’t win and I can ask you out on a date,” Rafael chuckles. 

“But you love your father,” Anjali says in confusion.

“Very much,” Rafael nods. “But-”

“But what?”

“But I want to kiss you so bad, I think it’s starting to drive me a little insane,” Rafael sighs tiredly. 

Anjali looks at him incredulously. “I think you might be crazier than your brother. I can’t believe he’s the sensible one.”

“You take that back!” Rafael gasps. 

Anjali chuckles at that and shakes her head. “This would be a big mistake, Rafael.”

“I hate mistakes,” Rafael tells her. 

“I know,” She smiles a little. “Which is why I don’t want be one.”

“You would never be a mistake, Anjali,” Rafael bites his lip. “You’re a choice. One that I desperately want to make.”

Anjali looks at her hands and groans a little. “This would be a lot easier if you were an entitled jackass who happens to be my boss’ son.”

He knows. 

He knows there is something here. 

He’d never in a million years talk to her like this or flirt with her when he can if there wasn’t something. He’s seen it. He’s felt it. He knows it’s the same for her. 

But he also knows it won’t work out. She does too. 

Not when everything will be complicated after next year. 

Of course there is a simple solution to all of this. 

Anjali could simply not work for his father. But he could never ask her that. He’d never do that. 

It’s not fair. It’s not right. 

How could you love someone and not want the best for them? How could care about someone and not when them to have everything they deserve and have dreamed of?

He can’t do it. He won’t do it. 

Anjali’s dreams are more important than his feelings. He will always stand by that. 

“Sorry,” Rafael chuckles wearily. “I could try to be an entitled jackass who takes advantage of his father’s secretary. Ask you to bring me coffee or grope your ass.”

“If you ask me to bring you coffee, I will dump it on your head,” Anjali tells him menacingly. “Although I’m partial to the groping.”

“Amor, don’t play with me,” Rafael shakes his head, feeling an ache in his chest.

 “I’m not,” Anjali whispers quietly. “I…I’m not, Rafael.”

“Oh,” Rafael exhales, all the air in his lungs leaving him at once. 

“Maybe it doesn’t have to mean anything,” Anjali says carefully. 

“It’s you,” Rafael tells her in a whisper. “It will always mean something to me. You’re too amazing for it to be anything less.”

“Stop being nice about this!” Anjali groans loudly. “You’re making this difficult!”

“I’m sorry,” Rafael laughs. “Fine. I’ll be mean to you. Your paragraph spacing is shit.”

“You take that back right now-”

“Ow! Okay! Okay!” Rafael laughs again, pushing away when she tries to him hit him again. But he doesn’t let go of her hand. He doesn’t want to. “Can I kiss you?”

Oh. 

Oh, there is no going back now. 

Anjali’s dark eyes shut close at that. She sighs and shakes her head. “You shouldn’t.”

“Right,” Rafael swallows. “Sor-”

“But I want you to,” Anjali confesses quietly. 

“Really?” Rafael can barely himself. 

“Maybe a kiss is okay,” Anjali says slowly. 

“Yeah,” Rafael agrees, trying not to pass out with each passing word. “Just a kiss.”

“Just a kiss.”

“Exactly.”

“And then we get back to work.”

“Of course.”

“We’re professionals,” Anjali tells him. “We can control ourselves.”

“Totally,” Rafael nods. Then there is quietness. He swallows again. “So, does this mean I can now kiss-”

When she leans forward and kisses him, he knows it’s all over. When he feels her fingers in his curls, he knows there is no going back. 

He’s thought about this moment so many times that it’s kind of embarrassing. 

He’s thought about Anjali kissing him and his head exploding – and not in the fun way. 

He had expected his brain to scream at all sorts of things. 

Stop! Warning! Red alert! Danger! Stick to the system! Where are the standards? Stop this at once!

But he hears nothing right now. 

His brain, for the first time since he can remember, is quiet. 

It’s almost as if it’s got nothing to say to him. It’s almost as if it knows he’s got more important things going on. 

As if it knows nothing could possibly be more important than Anjali. 

Most of it all, it doesn’t feel like what he thought it would feel like. 

A mistake.

It doesn’t feel like a mistake. In fact, it feels like a blessing. 

A blessing.

Something he shouldn’t regret, but something he should be eternally grateful for.

A blessing.

[the-conversation-pod]

Bottom Dementia: The Only Friends Episode.

Kicking things off for year 2 of The Conversation is our Only Friends episode. We brought back a friend of the podcast, David (@yankeebastard), to discuss the various cases of bottom dementia in this show, our thoughts on the sexual and social politics of the show, and how shipping and fandom culture complicated the entire experience our watches.

We'll end this episode with @ginnymoonbeam returning with us months later to see how we still felt about the show

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

0:00 - Introduction 1:20 - Only Friends and What We Liked 13:47 - What We Wanted from the Show 26:40 - Where the Story Breaks Down 38:40 - Bottom Dementia™ 47:38 - Do Not Take Only Friends Seriously 51:00 - Final Thoughts (Two Months Later)

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

0:00 - Introduction

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

1:20 Only Friends And What We Liked

Ben

And we're baaaack!

NiNi

Welcome, welcome to our winter series. It is so nice to be back with y'all—I'm saying back, but we're literally recording this on the day the Fall Lagniappe went up, because this is how we do it on this podcast. 

This is the Bottom Dementia episode.

David

Oh my.

NiNi

[laughs] You can hear our special guest, say hi David! 

David

Hiii!

NiNi

David is back with us!

Ben

You are literally back by popular demand, David, the people were like, when is he coming back?

[everyone laughs]

David

I need to stop fucking around with my Tumblr and just be on there.

NiNi

I'm not sure you want to be on there, like legit, but—[laughs]

We are here to talk about Only Friends! We're here to talk about the high highs, the low lows—and they were some lows for sure. I’m gonna let Ben do what he do. 

So Ben: What is Only Friends about?

Ben

Oh man. How do I describe Only Friends now? So much of how I feel about it has been clouded by how it ended. Only Friends is a messy drama about a gay friend group nearing the end of college, as they deal with some of their… issues with sex and romance? At least that's how it felt at the beginning? Only Friends has this group of homos who hang out at their local gay bar. You've got Mew the virgin, Boston the slut, Ray the drunk, and Cheum who is sort of like the lesbian wrangler of their group. 

Boston introduces this guy named Top to their group to flirt with Mew. Mew falls for Top—Boston was not expecting this, because he was just trying to smash with Top again. He causes a bunch of problems, but ends up in his own side romance with a very weird but kind of sweet boy who does not understand healthy boundaries, especially when it comes to digital space?

David

Oh lord.

Ben

Ray ends up involved with the singer at the bar—who can't sing that great, sorry First.

NiNi

God it was bad.

Ben

It harkens back to the kind of dramas that were happening around twenty-odd years ago, like Queer As Folk, Noah's Ark, and some other shows that Jojo referenced, some of which I haven't seen. But it struggles for me, because while all of those were fairly episodic in nature, this one decided to be a serial, and concerns related to the actor pairs and the economic viability of said actor pairs, I really feel muddled the waters on the back half? And so while there were a lot of really great stylistic moments in this, it ends up feeling kind of limp at the end, in a way that was very unsexy for me. 

David and I watched it together, it was one of our Saturday shows. David, it's been a while since we had you on the show: why don't you give us some of your reactions, thoughts, and feelings about Only Friends?

David

Hm, let me see. Only Friends can best be described, in my personal opinion, as a ledger against the evils of monogamy… how unhinged gayness serves really only ever one person and that's the unhinged gay themselves—but hey, it's entertaining!... the apparent gay police state we live in, where if you do anything and it gets recorded, it becomes a psychodrama later… In short, I thought I would only end up not liking one person at the end of Only Friends? But the entire show can go through a recycler for me. That's where I am with it.

NiNi

So we've got Ben sort of general wet floppiness of it all, David saying ‘fuck them’ at the end. [laughs]

David

Yeah.

NiNi

[laughs] Let's see, where did I land on it? I had an incredibly cynical read on this show, and one of the reasons that I had a cynical read on this show is A) it was just fun; B) Ben, you talked a little bit about this hearkening back to some of the queer shows of the early 2000s. And that made sense for me, because the characters are of the here and now, but the creators, Jojo and Ninew and them, they’re my age. Well, slightly younger than me, but around that 40-year-old mark, elder millennials, so to speak. So that's the stuff that they were watching when they were the age that these characters are now. So it has like a weird juxtaposition, the show, where it's of the moment but also deeply nostalgic in some ways? So it was a very interesting experience for me watching it. 

Like I said, I enjoyed being real cynical about the show, my reads on Top clearly got people mad pissed. [laughs] I was enjoying the show on the ‘everybody is awful’ tip, and then like one or two characters surprised me at the end by being not so awful… but I was having a good time right up until the end.

Ben

So why don't you go through the things that you enjoyed in the show then, since you came out of it less ambivalent than the rest of us.

NiNi

Less ambivalent is the word, because I was having a good time and then I was pissed. [laughs] There was no in between. So it was not really an ambivalent feeling, it was like a high high and then a crash. 

Some of the things that I enjoyed, let's see. I enjoyed, low-key how terrible everybody was. So much of BL tries to make characters really likable. I'm not sure if the show was trying to make the characters likable—if it did, it failed, which was great for me because I didn't really like any of them [laughs]. Except for at the end, I liked Boston and I liked Nick, but other than that, I was just like ‘oh these people are terrible, yes, inject it into my veins!’ So I had a good time with that. I had a really good time with all the aesthetics, the style of the show, like you said throwing back to that early 2000s late 90s kind of vibe in terms of the set dressing and the set design, in the way that everybody's wardrobe played out, and just the entire vibe of the thing. Very Jojo, thoroughly enjoyed that. 

I really enjoyed the acting. As much as coming down towards the end I didn't really enjoy the writing, the acting I thought was incredibly solid across the board. Not even so much the big acting, because there were like a lot of these big emotional moments, there was a lot of crying—I mean, First and Khaotung were in this, there's gonna be crying—but that's not the stuff that I was enjoying, it was the little subtle details. Like Khaotung’s playing Ray, Ray is an unrepentant drunk, and Khaotung really sold Ray being drunk all the time. It was like, little things that he was doing, it wasn't anything big, that really sold me on the fact that hey, this dude is not ever sober, and you can tell. I liked Book in this a lot. Which is weird, because I hated his character, I hated Mew so much. But I thought that Book really sold this kind of sanctimonious priggish character really really well, I actually really enjoyed that. And then of course Neo Trai and Mark Pakin, just, *mwah* chef’s kiss, fantastic acting work. 

I think in terms of the enjoyment levels, that's where I landed. Everything else I'm a little bit more, hmm, okay, there's a positive and a negative about, but those were the things that I really really enjoyed.

Ben

David, before we get big into tearing this thing up, why don't you tell us the things you did enjoy along the way?

David

I actually did like the Melrose Place 90s aesthetic that was going on with the show.

NiNi

Yeessss, Melrose Place, that was it!

David

There is no way that anyone is going to tell me that these two people did not watch Melrose Place. Even some of their shots were very Melrose Place, Beverly Hills 90210-ish. Their little main area, where they would have the drama explosions were always at the bar, that was very much a Melrose Place thing. I enjoy unhinged—I'm trying not to say the other word—

Ben

Just go ahead and say it. You know you need to.

David

I enjoy a healthy dose of unhinged fa**otry. I live for it. More than likely, my second or third favorite performance in any show will be the show's most unhinged fa**ot I will love him. He could be evil, he could be killing people, but I'm gonna find something to love about him.

Ben

And who is that for you this time?

David

Oh Lord! Look: I love Boeing. Boeing was completely unhinged, I saw too much of myself in that boy. Unhinged. Sir you cannot hop like this. I need you to calm down. He completely sold that whole… soulless, like sort of just, gross performance. I love Boeing.

Ben

Mond Tanutchai was a gift that we were not expecting.

David

And that show did not deserve. 

I thought the show was beautiful, it was colorful—me and Ben have had this conversation before, how since Vice Versa I've noticed that more. We don’t have this cream, beige, taupey writing-out of color, we've returned to this really rich tapestry, and I felt the show did that, which was also, I didn't realize, very 90s. So the color of the show, the way it was filmed, how it was produced, was great. And like NiNi said, it was great acting.

Ben

For posterity: David has caught up with BL very aggressively in the last year and a half. Thailand has been reintroducing rich color into their shows since the post ITSAY wave began, with You’re My Sky. Vice Versa does not get credit as the show that introduced color into this shit.

David

Fine.

NiNi

[laughs] Ben's like, fuck Vice Versa, fuck it forever.

David

I can’t even defend it.

Ben

That’s not me digging at you, just, for the people who've been following the timeline of BL, that does not go to Vice Versa. Absolutely the fuck not.

NiNi

Ben says no, you don't get to have this! You don't get to take this—[laughs]

David

That's fine, that's fair. But there are a few things that I thought were things I liked about the show, that, when I thought about, I went, ‘I did not like this as much as I thought I did.’ And the only character I liked at the end of this was the one who ended up being the unredeemable one to me. Because I kept thinking about it, and I got a lot of what he was going through. I thought he totally got vixen vamped by the weird, shitty, forced monogamy thing that the show was beating everyone up the head with, while at the same time simultaneously showing everyone how none of these characters are making it work.

Ben

Are you talking about Boston? Just for the sake of the listeners?

David

Yes, Boston.

NiNi

It was so weird to feel that coming off the show, but it wasn't coming off the show from the beginning.

David

Mhm.

NiNi

Somewhere like, into the third act is when that whiff, that eau de straightness started coming off the show. [laughs] Everybody started feeling the weird shift, they were like, ‘what is this? Are they—but they're not, Jojo wouldn't.’ You know what it feels like, it feels network-interferencey? That's genuinely how it feels. Because the front half of the show is so tight. It does not feel like the back half of this show. The back half of the show feels like somebody came in and said, ‘Nope you can't do this, do something else!’ and then they scrambled and tried to do something else that sort of lined up with what they had done before.

David

Yep, I completely agree.

13:47 What We Wanted from the Show

Ben

Before we talk about the weird shift that happens, let's talk a little bit about what we hoped from the show on the front end. Like when we sat down to watch the show, we were all coming at it from different places, what were we hoping for? Let’s start with you, NiNi, because you were dealing with a lot of other shit at the beginning of this show, so you weren't maybe watching it as intensely as you were by the time we got to the end.

NiNi

Oh no, I was fully here for a messy mess, that was all I was hoping for. Like David, I wanted to see some unhinged gays. I wanted something like Cruel Intentions or, like a Wild Thing. I wanted to have a good time. I didn't want to think too much, you know, that was my mantra for [laughs] a lot of this year, I don't want to think too much. And then I wind up thinking too much.  

But that's what I was aiming for, I was aiming to have a good time, I was aiming to cackle. I was aiming to gasp. Before the show made the weird switch, I had thoroughly enjoyed being right about every character, but wrong about the narrative. [laughs] That was the thing that I really came to it for. I came here, I perched my little feet up on a pouf, I hit the button on the remote, and I was like, okay, show me the mess. And they started to, and then they pulled back from it.

Ben

What about you David? What were you hoping to get out of Only Friends?

David

I was expecting we were going to get way more of an adult, complicated thing about people's feelings and how sex played into it… Maybe we're gonna get a multi-couple, and this show was gonna do some stuff that no one else had done before. And at some point that collapsed. 

Because I could see the ways that they could have pulled this off with certain characters, and showed some characters empowered to be that? But the full tilt boogie of Mew becoming the most sanctimonious, boring fucking part of this show and Top having the personality of cardboard, and Ray just being a drunk who clearly is never gonna learn his lesson, and Sand being a simp—what started out as being sort of complex characterizations, when we got to the very end, I was just sitting there like, what the fuck?

Ben

All right, I'm gonna be mean.

NiNi

Go for it!

Ben

I really hoped that this would be Jojo and them’s attempt to get less focused in their whole serial soap opera style dynamic, and I was really excited about the title cards early on, that they were going to have really strong internal arcs for each of these episodes? And that's not what we got. We got just an ongoing stream of mess from a bunch of maladjusted young people. I really hoped that some of the class things would play out because there were differing levels of wealth, and they did very little with that. I really hoped that a lot of these actors would get to play against their type for once, and do some really interesting stuff, and they did not. While some of these GMMTV boys are good, we have seen their body of work, and they are basically doing the same goddamn thing every motherfucking show.

David

Well! Go on, pastor!

Ben

First has only ever been a grumpy simp, in every fucking show he's in. Like, we love the boy! He's very expressive. He can be very funny. And it's kind of annoying that he has played like five different goddam versions of the sad sack simp now. I was really hoping that we were going to get to see him do something interesting with the fucking baseball bat, which implied that his character was going to make an active choice for once. That's the crux of the missing baseball bat stuff: the bitch who picks up a baseball bat? She's over it! She's going to smash something. She is committed to a choice, and destruction is the only thing that will sate her blood lust at this point. 

[NiNi laughs] 

And we never got that! Like, we literally end on First’s character calling himself a dog happy that he has a nice owner. What the absolute fuck was that? 

Khaotung always plays the super-cute provocateur. They just made him super rich this time and let him be drunk all the time. Khaotung plays it well, but like we’ve seen basically this out of Khaotung repeatedly. I’m kinda over it. 

And then poor Force. I think this show did a genuine disservice to Force. He does so much good work playing Top. Like, he fully committed. I understand the show’s choice to make him enigmatic because we were primarily reliant upon Mew’s POV, and because Mew could never feel secure in his connection to Top, they did not let the audience feel secure about Top. That is not a bad choice from an editing or directing standpoint, but it means that Top is so empty of a character. He only represents status to Mew. 

I think Book is a fairly limited actor, and I think Jojo and them used him well as the sanctimonious bitch of this group. That was really cool in the front half. The fucking virgin who reads too many fucking books playing games they ain’t ready for and then winning stupid prizes as a result. That was fucking great, but it feels like the show wanted us to take the drama, as it happened from Mew's perspective, super seriously. But I cannot take a character like Mew seriously. 

I don't think Lookjun was treated well in the show because Cheum is a goddamn mess of a character. Jojo was tweeting about her in a way that seems like she's supposed to be the lesbian wrangler saving these gays, but she is so mean to them. 

And you get Boston. Boston did deserve some of the Ls he took, like when he got kicked in the chest and thrown into the pool with Mew jumping behind him trying to drown that motherfucker? He deserved that. That was some bullshit, you should have known better. However! Did Boston deserve to be the victim of revenge porn and blackmail three times? No. No he did not. I feel some kinda way about the way the back half of this show is just everybody saying ‘at least you're not as bad as Boston’ as everybody is doing nasty shit to each other.

David

In the name of the god of monogamy.

Ben

I'm like, goddamn, where is all of this fucking moral superiority coming from because Boston likes to get his dick sucked? What the fuck is wrong with the rest of you?

David

He never lied to anyone that he was having sex with; he told them, “Look, I don’t want shit. There's other people. This is what's going on.” And I felt like he was put on this pyre to monogamy that didn't even function—as a matter of fact, it was made even more glaring that it wasn't even working for the other characters because by the end of the show, they're all together—but barely. The fucking show ends with Mew flirting with another fucking dude in front of Top.

NiNi

Here's the thing for me. I see a way that this show carries all of the same narrative beats, but changes the tone, and works so much better for me. I don't actually have a problem with the couples ending up together. If you're aiming for a messy story where people end up in relationships with people who are the worst people for them, or they end up in a relationship where as we say in Trinidad, “Every bread have their cheese.” Jamaicans say, “Every pot have a cover,” you know what I mean? 

[David laughs]

My favorite version of the MewTop relationship is Mew putting Top through hell because he's a piece of shit. Every time I got even a hint of Top being miserable—but still being there—and Mew deciding that he was gonna put Top’s balls in his purse and carry them around; I enjoyed that! I really enjoyed that ‘cause that's not a relationship dynamic you get to see in TV, but is incredibly realistic. There are so many, so many couples I know that are just like that and it's horrible to be around, but it's low key entertaining. 

If the show had leaned into that, that would have been, strangely enough, more enjoyable, cause I don't need to believe that these characters [cutesy voice] ~are in love and they're going to be together forever~. I don’t need to believe that. I need to believe that they make sense with each other. And them making sense with each other is not a question of them being nice people or good people or being good for each other. It just seems that the way those two puzzle pieces fit together is great because they ain’t making nobody else miserable along the way. 

Even the stuff that you were saying, Ben, about Sand being a simp and, as I said, having a humiliation kink. I have seen so many Sands and Rays end up together. It's exhausting to watch it happen because they get into a cycle and keep doing it over and over. But I mean, if we're only going through one iteration of the cycle, it could have been entertaining because we're not gonna have to see them doing the same shit over and over. We just see the disaster once and then we're like, “Ooh, child. Glad that's not me.” 

That's where I wanted to land on this show, because that's where I thought they were going in the beginning. And then at the end, for it to descend into this kind of sappy, lovey-dovey, aren't-they-cute-and-sweet shit. That was the tragedy for me. That was what pissed me off. Not that they ended up together. The ship, couple, pair-branding, ship, whatever. I didn't care about any of that ‘cause as far as I'm concerned, I could see ways for those particular characters in those particular couples to end up together. But it felt so inauthentic. It felt unreal. It felt uncanny valley. It felt Stepford. I did not like it.

Ben

Exactly. The inauthenticity and the unearned feeling of it all is really what pissed me off. So when Mix’s character appears at the end and drops the line that Top said to Mew: “Can I be your friend, too?”

NiNi

And Top’s soul leaves his body? [laughs]

Ben

Like that would have landed if Top felt like a real person to me, but the show never gave us interiority for him in a way for me to care about how he feels in that moment. The show spent so much time its finale punching down on Boston for being disloyal sexually with people. And then like there's this goofy-ass victory lap. “Look at all these couples together!” Sand literally says, “I don't even know why I'm here.” Then Mix’s character walks in and it's like, oh, oh, there's trouble in paradise. I was like, “What the absolute fuck is the show?” 

How do we spend so many episodes castigating Boston for enjoying sex, and then we end on this nonsense? It was so shitty and I'm still not over the way they ended things for Boston and Nick. I don't think Boston and Nick should have ended up together, but I really hate that they don't get a poignant ending that owns the complex incompatibility that is going to keep them from working out. Instead, we end on a final shot of Boston, alone and dejected on the side of a nondescript street. [big sigh]

26:40 Where the Story Breaks Down

Ben

Boston is not an ethical slut. He introduced a guy to his friends to fuck with his friends. He brought Top around just to fuck with Ray. And then he got pissed because Top got serious about Mew, and he didn't care about Mew or respect Mew, and so that's why he fucked Top. 

But they don't really build into whatever the real beef is between Boston and Mew. We can project things into it. We can sit here and try to come up with meaning for why these people are together. Best I had was you just don't have a lot of options when you're homos. These are your friends. You stumble into a group of gays and you deal with it. That could be fine, but I really wish for all of the talk that this show was “only friends” that we really understood the function of this friend group and the nature of betrayal here, other than, “You fucked my boyfriend. Blah blah blah.”

NiNi

The back half of the show was missing a really good bitch. The front end of the show, Boston is the one out there pushing people's faces in their shit, and then the back half of the show he's like a little kicked dog. Boston is fucking terrible, but he was the truth teller, and that's what I was looking for, I guess, in the back half of this. And I hoped that Boeing would be that character and then that fizzled out. 

David

I can tell you when I think the narrative shift actually happened, and I've thought about this. I feel like three or four characters did things that seemed wildly out of place for their character. Even though we knew that that recording was going to get out somehow—that was a foregone conclusion. It being Sand…did not feel right at all. Ray finding out about the recording, and releasing it, was totally where I saw that coming from. But Sand being the one that did it is when it had a narrative shift to me that did not make sense.

Ben

You know what? I think it is that episode, because the way Boston responded to being confronted by Ray.

David

Right! I was going to say that next.

Ben

Where did that demon in him come from? Why does he feel so strongly about Ray like that?

David

Right! The more I thought about it, that is the episode something happened, some conversation in the writers room. Something happened somewhere. I firmly believe when they originally wrote that somehow Ray got ahold of the recording, and he directly took that recording to Mew. It does not make narrative sense to me in the way that they've presented Sand that he would have done it. 

And that whole episode and the episode after were people doing things that didn't make any sense for what we knew about the character up until then. Like when Boston loses his shit on Ray—didn't make any sense within the context of what was going on. Had he unloaded on Mew? Totally would have made sense.

Ben

That's what I wanted to see. I really wanted to see the crux of the differences between Mew and Boston really come to a head properly, and instead we get Boston yelling at Ray, “You're no better than me!” and then Mew decks Ray so that he can do his own ‘gotcha bitch’ moment with Top. 

That was incredibly unhinged. I liked the follow up for that where Mew was like I'm gonna get all of these bitches, and then he concocts his plan to get Boston’s sex tape just to be morally superior to him. That tracked completely for me. [laughs]

David

Oh oh yeah.

Ben

But like that's also sort of where the huge breakdowns occur because they make that confrontation primarily about Mew getting one up on Boston and making Boston grovel, but I just feel like we never really understood what the deal was with the two of them, because clearly they both felt some kind of way about the other but they never really express it to the camera. 

NiNi

That's the problem for all the fights that there were between Mew and Boston, I still don't have any sense of why they don't like each other. 

David

The thing that bothered me the most about this? My favorite part of most of the shows is friend groups that are ride-or-die for one another. You don't fuck with them. That's my girl. That's my boy. We gonna help you creep to him, but there gotta be rules. Unhinged friend groups that are down for one another like Secret Crush [On You]. Those kids sincerely fucking loved one another. We've seen good friend groups. 

This friend group. Why the fuck are y'all around one another? Mew doesn't respect Boston. Boston can't stand Mew. And at some point, you think they would have explained it. Like, maybe there was some guy that Mew liked that Boston fucked. I could see that in such a way that Boston doesn't even remember what dude it was. 

NiNi

I could even see just Mew hating Boston because Mew thinks he's a hoe, and Boston responding to that. But that doesn't even become part of the conversation. They're in this friend group together, but they hate each other. Okay. I can see that happening, especially when you're in college. You end up hanging out with a bunch of people, including this one bitch you can't stand. That's a thing. It occurs.

Ben

I wish we had really gotten at the envy that Mew definitely felt about Boston.

NiNi

Yes! There's like a seething envy between the two of them, and not just on Mew’s side, on Boston’s side as well. What I thought it was going in was that there was this weird kind of love/hate where they're mad jealous of each other, but they're also mad judgy about each other.

Ben

If this were like an American show, where we thought we might be getting more seasons, the two of them would definitely have the weirdest raunchiest sex scene at like the 60% mark of a second season.

[NiNi laughs]

NiNi

Their beef predates Top, but the show made their beef about Top. 

David

I feel like Boston has actually wanted to fuck Mew for awhile. I think, too, that he knows he can't get Mew; that's never gonna happen. Conversely, I think Mew wants to fuck Boston and cannot handle or deal with that, because he's created a veil around himself that is so righteous, so sanctimonious, that to even do that would shatter everyone's notions of who he is, and I think he turns that annoyance and anger about that situation towards Boston. 

I think they both want to fuck each other and the other one doesn't realize that the other one wants to fuck them. But if you look at it from that viewpoint, everything else makes sense. That they are fucking attracted to one another and Mew can't let it happen because of the picture he has painted of himself, and Boston can't look like he wants it because he knows he can't get Mew. 

NiNI

This is some of the stuff that I thought the show was playing with: self-image and our ideas about ourselves, and the way that we want to project certain things and maybe hide in our hearts what we really want. That's one of the things that I definitely thought the show was doing with Mew. Maybe Mew’s a hoe at heart, maybe he wants to be everything that Boston is, maybe he wants to fuck Boston. It's this weird thing, but it just never gets addressed. And then it gets glossed over entirely in favor of this being somehow about Top. 

This shit ain’t about Top!

David

Oh no! Top is definitely an ambulatory penis. 

[NiNi laughs]

As a great philosopher named Benjamin Tiberius once said: Dick is abundant [NiNi in unison] and low in value. This could have literally been any other dude. The primary powerful personalities in this friend group are Mew and Boston, and they are such strong personalities at opposing poles that they are constantly fracturing that group. Those other personalities in that group are not strong enough to counteract that.

Ben

Speaking of other personalities in that group, let's talk about Cheum and how much I fucking despise her.

NiNi

Do we have to talk about her? [laughs]

Ben 

Oh yes we do!

David

I was ready to defend Cheum until Ben turns around and goes, “But she's, like, mean.” She's consistently mean. And she gets away with it because she's the girl of the group. And in a lot of ways, she's as much of a status hopper as fucking Mew is. 

NiNi

She is the one who started pushing Mew towards Top. Boston brought him around, but she was the one who was like, “Don't you wanna sleep with a top-tier dude?” 

David

Yup! Yup!

NiNi

Girl, you, what? At one point in time, I thought that she was the shipper analog in this show because she is treating these boys like her Ken dolls that she's leaving around on the lot. Girl, go fuck your girlfriend and leave these boys alone. That's how I felt about it at one point in time. And then when she's sitting crying on the couch because the police have busted up her little party because Ray loved that booger sugar.

Ben

As her friends are being literally arrested by the cops, she takes that moment to go the fuck off on Ray.

NiNi

She makes that whole moment about her.

David

Yup.

Ben

That was so gross. And then she tried to weirdly play solidarity with Boston at that moment? “You don't care about me and Boston.” Me and Boston!

NiNi

There's a you and Boston?

Ben

I wish Boston had been fucking Atom at that exact moment and looked up like, “Who said my name?”

[David and NiNi laugh]

David

You imagine Boston just looking up and going, “I felt a baleful presence. What the fuck was that?”

NiNi

[laughs]Oh my God. 

Ben

It was so ridiculous. And she's like, “Oh, boohoo. These boys were mean to me.” Like, you are a lesbian crying on your girlfriend's shoulder because gay boys were mean to you? You ain’t strong enough. Get out of here.

David

And let's all talk about that. Now, bitch, don't pretend like you didn't know that Ray was basically Guns ‘N Roses in your goddamn party. Bitch, don't play with me. You lie to God. Don't lie to me. There ain't no way you didn't know that boy had pockets full of booger sugar, booze, ketamine. Don't play in my face like this, please.

Ben

Ray is also so embarrassing. You really wanted Mew that bad that you let him use you just to piss off Top. And then you spend half your time running around calling Sand a whore? Fuck Ray for always calling Sand a whore.

NiNi

And also, if he's gonna call you a whore, and you're gonna be okay with that because Sand is always somehow forgiving of that, then at least take the motherfucking money.

Ben

He did deserve financial compensation for having to put up with that entire friend group. 

38:40 Bottom Dementia™

Ben

David, let's talk about Boston and how his bottom dementia drove him insane and that's why he had to fuck Top so bad. 

[NiNi laughs]

David 

I was the first one to use bottom dementia, because I said, “Look, sometimes if you are a primary top and you find someone who makes you want to bottom, that bottom dementia make you go crazy.” 

He ain't going crazy over no bottom like this. This is a top who put it down good one time, and this boy is willing to risk it all. Friends, career, school. He just want the dick! Bottom Dementia is a real problem and affects 6 in every 10 gay men. 

[NiNi laughs]

What do you think poor Nick was going through? He had Nick turnt. Nick was bugging cars because the dick turned him so good. Do you know what kind of bottom dementia you gotta be going through to bug someone’s car and just be casual about it?

Ben

Not only did he casually bug the car.

David

Girl, he listened. He watched.

Ben

And then recorded the encounter. He then edited the clip so that he could listen to it just to hurt himself.

David

Bottom dementia! It is trademarked. I want my coins, and I am open for TED talks on bottom dementia. I've had one case of bottom dementia in my life. I know what it looks like. I went halfway across the country because of bottom dementia. I knew it when I saw Boston. I was like, “Oh, that's bottom dementia right there, girl. That's all that is.” I was like, I understand him though, like my sis is going through it right now. Y'all gotta let bottom dementia play out. It's like a sleepwalker. You can't just jostle them out of it. [NiNi laughs] Like, if you see someone going through bottom dementia, what you do is you make sure they're not thirsty and they've eaten—or maybe not eaten, depending on what stage of the bottom dimension they’re in. 

Ben

Gurl. 

[NiNi laughs harder]

David

You know, you just be there for them, because they're gonna come up out that fugue, and they're gonna be like, “Bitch!” And then you go, “Bitch…”

Ben

I almost understood it when they were in that car and Top's like, “Fine, I'm gonna do it,” and then tried to send that man into orbit. 

[NiNi laughs]

Aight, bro. Shit!

David

Let me tell you! That was not good for poor Boston, ‘cause that made the bottom dementia a lil crazier. So when he rejected homeboy—and that's how you cure bottom dementia. You just get rejected, or you get common sense. 

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

Like in my own case, it came when I was on the plane. I was like, “Am I really flying halfway across the country for dick? [NiNi laughs] Is your girl really sitting in coach class for dick? Did I not get my snack for dick? [Ben laughs] What is happening? Wait, wait, wait. Am I on Spirit Airlines for dick?”

NiNi

[laughs] I’m choking…

David

Girl! I—look! Man, I got off the plane, I called my girlfriend, I was like, “Let me tell you something, bitch.” 

She was like, “Mm-hmm.” 

I was like, “Girl, I'm on Spirit.” 

She's like, “Mhmm. Right!”

“In coach.” 

“Mm-hmm. Yup.” 

“Halfway across the country.” 

“Mhmm, right again.” 

“For dick?” 

She was like, “Sir. Ma'am, my sister in Christ.” 

Now I went and got that dick because, at that point, I mean I'm already there, you know, but, like… bottom dementia is a real thing, okay? Let me tell you, like, whether it's you realizing that you are in the throes of it in coach on Spirit Airlines [Ben and NiNi laugh] on a one o’clock  flight—Bitch, it was one in the morning. What is my life choices?

Ben

You caught a red eye??

[NiNi continues laughing]

David

Girl! Ben, for dick, girl, bottom dementia.

Ben

Speaking of bottom dementia, let's talk about Atom

David

Gurl…

NiNi

Woo. Jesus, fix it. Fix it, Jesus. 

David

Jesus, take the wheel, take the axle, take the car, like. Lord.

Ben

I don't mind the plot line. Atom being like, “Give me that dick. I want it.” Fine. Whatever. We've seen like three different cases of bottom dementia in this show now. You got Boston's for Top, Nick’s for Boston, and now Atom’s for Boston. And then there's also Sand for Ray—oh my God.

David

Girl! [Ben sighs]

NiNi

That ain’t bottom dementia. That’s something else entirely.

Ben

That's true. And so, it was expected. Cheum storming over there and whooping Boston's ass ‘cause she thought he laid hands on her brother, but not calling the cops on him? That was her being nice. I don't blame her for being as live as she was, but I do blame Mew. Because Mew was supposed to be smart—and definitely knew better—and just wanted to see Boston punished. 

And for as smart as he is, as much as he reads, choosing to let Boston go down that way is fucked up in ways that I just can't properly articulate, because there's no way you think it's okay for Boston—after you've helped him get out from under some sexual blackmail—would think that he would do that to somebody else. Let alone, Cheum’s brother. And letting that go down the way he did was, for me, the kind of unforgivable shit that a character can do. 

It tracks with the character because Mew is a mean bitch, but was too fucking far from Mew. 

Ray! Ray is drunk. I don't care about Ray.

David

Girl, Ray didn't know where he was. They said get in the car, we rolling. And Ray was like, okay. He put his flask in his pocket with his booger sugar and he got in the car. Ray barely knew what day it was.

Ben

But Mew definitely knew that Boston didn't do that to Atom, and he still let that go down. That was gross for me, and I hated the little perfunctory apology she gives Boston about that whole situation and then two scenes later it's like, “Okay, time for you to apologize to everybody for all the shit you did.” I'm like, “[scoffs] is? Is that how this is going down?

NiNi

No, you see. You ain't got smoke for Cheum over how that shit went down with Boston over at him, but I got smoke for that bitch, and here's why. It is one thing to be live about somebody you think did something to your little brother. Be live about that. 100%. But the way she was live? The shit that she said? 

“Oh, my brother was straight before. What did you do to him?” Come the fuck on? 

David

Her whole verbiage of that… as one of the gay men near her, I would have been like, “Bitch, what is that supposed to mean? Ain't nobody gonna check this bitch about what she just said?” 

NiNi

That scene was when I was over Mew. I was over Cheum. Them two were completely out of control. 

David

Because of another little BL group I'm in, I started doing all this research on… trigger warning guys, sexual assault and date rap drugs and all that… and it's like a major issue there. And I thought the way that this show touched on that did everyone involved a disservice. 

Cheum, when her brother said he lied, she should have beat his ass in the middle of the kitchen. Why would you lie about something like that? Do you know the consequences of that kind of lie? You, identifying as a straight man, told me that one of my gay friends raped you.

Ben

I really hate that she reassured her brother.

David

When he lied, I decided, “Oh no, Atom is done.” We don't lie about that. I don't care what the fuck his reasons are. That shit was foul.

Ben

I do not like Cheum. I do not like Atom. I do not like Mew. I don't like any of these bitches! I was watching this like I was an older patron at Yo's bar. “What’s going on with the twinks these days?”

“Oooh, girl, let me tell you…” 

“Oh, Lord. And then he did what?” 

“Girl, he punched his own friend in the bar so he couldn't out that man, just so he could go fuck him up at home.” 

“Damn, that bitch is crazy.” 

That's how I was watching this whole show. 

47:38 Do Not Take Only Friends Seriously

Ben

The thing here is, the show was just meant as entertainment. Do not take this show seriously. A lot of us like to write meta. We like to really engage with the stories and stuff. But, as David and I are fond of saying to all of the gays around us when they ask us for help and then don't do what we tell them they need to do to get out of their situation: “I can't want more for you than you want for yourself.” 

This show does not want a lot for itself. I'm not going to pretend like this show was deeper than it was. This was a fun romp where a bunch of the BL boys got to cut loose for a little bit and have a good time, and that's totally fine. If you watch it as just the BL boys and some of their friends got to do a cracked-out, messy gay show, and we got to have some fun moments, it's fine. 

Are we going to want to engage with this more seriously as a lens into queer life? I don't know. Like, there are some things to talk about, and I think there's some great shit to talk about with Nick and Boston. But overall? Mmmm…It’s fine. It's fun while you're watching it. There is no need to return to it.

NiNi

I just wish, and this is the thing that I try not to do with shows, but I think in this case it's justified. I just wish it was something else. For whatever reason, it's very clear that something in this show got changed during its run, and I just wish that they had been able to make the show that they clearly envisioned at the start.

Ben

I think we thought the show was going to be broader than it was, in terms of interacting with the queer experience. And it's fine if that's not what the creators intended. I feel like that's something we wanted from it. I don't think it's something that was necessarily promised to us. The only thing that was promised to us that we didn't get was Sand and his motherfucking bat. 

NiNi

Now, you know how I feel about pilot trailers, Ben. I do not trust them.

Ben

It's less about that he didn't actually wield the bat. It's that the character pitched out there seemingly had a stronger sense of self than Sand ended up having in the final, and that irks me. Where is the version of Sand that was mad as hell and took a bat clearly about to go break something? Bring him back!

David

The whole narrative shift is so weird and awful, and Sand and Boston are probably the two biggest victims of it.

Ben

When did the show shift for me? The moment Sand called Ray his 25th hour. I was like, “Oh, what the fuck just happened??”

NiNi

Eww….

Ben

We don't have to wring meaning out of this experience. Like, we had a good time. We got some laughs. Mond kissed all of the boys. Whatever.

51:00 Final Thoughts (Two Months Later)

Ben

Hello again, folks. We apologize for the abrupt end to the last section. When we were recording this with David, we ran into an unfortunate hour and a half long string of technical difficulties, and some of the recording was lost, and we do not have the capacity in us to try and rebuild the end of that segment. 

So, couple of months away from Only Friends, NiNi and I are back together, and we brought another guest with us, and we're going to wrap this up. So, everyone welcome Ginny back to this side of the podcast, Ginny, say “hello.”

Ginny

Hey!

Ben

What I kind of want to talk about now, a couple of months away from the show, what from Only Friends, if anything, sticks with you at this point?

Ginny

Disappointment. [laughs] Really, Boston and Nick as characters and, what I hoped, and was ultimately frustrated by in their stories. But I did, really, love so much of what was done with their characters, and when I think about the show, it's mostly the two of them—both separately and together—that I think about.

Ben

What about you, NiNi? You had an ongoing rankings board for 12 weeks on this show. What sticks with you from it at this point?

NiNi

Definitely Boston. That's been haunting me for a while, but it also, oddly enough, Top. Because I feel like my conception of Top was more interesting than what the show gave us, and so I've been stuck with a lot of Top headcanons, which is a weird place for me to be in. They missed a trick, I think, when it came to Top, and the whole TopMew dynamic. 

Ben

For me, nothing about the show itself sticks. Only thing that I think of when I think about Only Friends was Neo did a really good job, and I really liked Mark. And that's not great. 

I think whether it was spoken or not, a lot of us hoped that this show would join the gay canon, and it doesn't. The way this show lets down its audience on the sexual politics towards the end is truly unforgivable and it has made me think less of Jojo. I don't know how much of this is him, or how much of this is the powers that be at GMMTV, but it was kind of weird, with as online as Jojo is, just sort of laughing about how Boston's a fugly slut. And that's where, sort of being where the show ends, being really surprising for me from him, ‘cause I thought he had a stronger grasp on his characters. 

I really hate that one of the shows we were most anticipating ends up being barely worth mentioning? It sucks, because, I think, a lot of the talent in this really put themselves out there and pushed themselves beyond their comfort zones. It really sucks how flat Only Friends feels by the end, because the early parts of watching this were just so fun. The need to make bolder and more risque or more interesting storytelling seems to be at odds with whoever has the final say on what goes into these stories, and Only Friends seems to be a very obvious victim of that.

NiNi

It's a show that should have been fun. In the end, it was not fun. I would give this show seven and a half, and the half point is for the stylistic elements. I'm sad to be rating Only Friends a seven and a half because up to episode 6 this was probably like a 9.5 show for me.

Ben

Ginny, what about you?

Ginny

I still have to think about my final rating. Because yeah, the first half and a bit—fully 9.5. And then by the end I want to put it down in the 7 zone. I think at the moment it's sitting at 8.5 on my MyDramaList, but as time has passed and I haven't gotten over the things that made me sad about it, I think it's going down to at least an 8, and it may sink further as time passes and my bitterness pickles.

Ben

Pickles is a good term for it. It's a 7. It is not an easy show to recommend. It is a show, that if you're going to tell someone to watch it, you have to give caveats for. You have to explain that something is going on politically with this show in terms of what it was allowed to do, and how that seriously impacts the end. Anytime you have to recommend a show with a pamphlet explaining things, or learning people about things, it lowers for me immediately. 

If this was any other creator, they should have gotten a 5, because I was Gay Mad about this show.

Ginny

Yep.

Ben

I was not expecting to be Gay Mad at Jojo. The fact that this is Jojo and NiNew, and I liked the cast, and it feels like meddling and not necessarily the creators per se, is the only reason this gets a 7.

NiNi

7, 7.5, 8, so that's an average of a. 7.5.

Ben

You know what it is? It's a chop!

NiNi

It's a chop, and I am so sad to be saying that about this show, about a Jojo show. So sad, but that's where we are.

Ben

And on that note, we will see you all in the next episode—which one is it, NiNi?

NiNi

I don't know. Whatever ends up happening ends up happening.

Ben

Oh, God, the next episode is Swoon. 

[NiNi laughs] 

We will see you next week for I Feel You Linger in the Air.

NiNi

It might be the same week! You don't know when things are going up. My calendar is a little wonky, right now.

Ben

We will see you in a few days [laughs] for I Feel You Linger in the Air. The Swoon episode.

NiNi

We out. Say “bye” to the people, Ginny. 

Ginny

Bye-bye. 

NiNi

Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace!

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

It Started With a Kiss (8/?)

Thanks so much, everyone for your reviews on the last chapter! I’m so glad you all enjoyed my take on the Alex Conrad situation. And now for one of my favorite episodes of the show, To Love and Die in LA. Seriously, this episode is in my top 5…maybe even top 3 depending on my mood that day.

Date wise, the last chapter took place around April 11, and this one takes place around May 2. So that’s a 3 week time gap. Wonder what our favorite couple got up to after the way Kate kissed him in the last chapter, hmm?

Again, I want to remind you that this will be the last update on this story until after I return from vacation on June 15…and Hell Hath No Fury will be due for an update first. So enjoy this one, because it will most likely be several weeks before I get around to writing the next chapter. I promise I’ll get it up as soon as I can though!

Also…there is a section rated M in this chapter. It is clearly marked where you will want to stop reading, and then when it ends. It’s sex heavy, but not smut heavy. Still, read at your own peril, lol!

I still don’t own Castle…

xxxxx

Castle had barely seen Beckett since that night 3 weeks ago when she’d kissed him. The first week she’d been tied up prepping with an ADA for a trial, which worked out with him needing to finish a couple of chapters for the next Heat book, as well as some edits. And then Gina and Paula had worked together to ambush him with some promotional book signings and appearances in an effort to drum up more presales for his newest novel, not to mention the graphic novel for Storm that was being put together.

He’d seen her exactly twice…both times at the precinct when he’d brought her coffee. Neither time for very long, so they hadn’t been able to discuss their relationship or if the kiss she’d given him was a sign she was ready to move forward, but she had made time to spend several minutes with him in the break room since he had come all the way to the precinct just to bring her coffee. They would spend those ten minutes or so in the break room together, innocently flirting and occasionally standing just close enough to brush up against each other. And it always ended with the most brilliant smile from her, thanking him for the coffee. Castle knew he would go out of his way to bring her coffee every day for the rest of his life if she continued to smile at him the way she had those two days.

They had, of course, chatted via text and twice over the phone, but neither of them seemed to want to discuss the kiss or their relationship over the phone or text messages, and rightfully so. It was a big step for them; when it happened, it needed to be in person. She had known he was returning to the city that afternoon, so when his phone rang, he didn’t bother to look at the caller

ID, simply assuming it was her. No one else usually called him after 9 anymore.

“Did a body drop, or did you just miss me so much you couldn’t wait another day to see me?” he asked with a grin.

“Castle, I’m going to send you an address, and you need to get down here,” Lanie said simply.

“Lanie? What’s wrong?” he asked, the smile falling from his lips. Lanie never called him. Kate was the one who called him about a body drop.

“A body was found…”

He swallowed hard. “Kate? Did something happen to her?” he had to ask, interrupting before Lanie could finish her sentence. He felt his heart sink. Was Lanie calling to tell him something had happened to Kate?

Hearing the worry in his tone, Lanie realized what he must have thought. “The body we found is Mike Royce. Espo is just now calling her, so she’s not here yet, but you need to hurry. I doubt she’ll admit it, but she’s going to need you on this one.”

“I’m on my way,” he said, already out the door. He’d watched her go through hell several months ago when she’d realized Royce was part of their investigation and she’d had to arrest her former training officer. He could only imagine how his murder was going to hit her.

xxxxx

Castle’s eyes were on her the moment she got out of her unit. He could tell, just in the way she carried herself…the tension in her shoulders, the firm set of her jaw...she was torn up and doing everything she could to not appear that way.

“Where is he?” Beckett asked as she approached.

Montgomery stood beside Castle, shaking his head. “Turn around, go back home, and let me handle this.”

“Sir, I’ve seen dead bodies before,” she insisted.

The captain studied her for a moment but knew it was better for everyone if he just let her through. He nodded toward the back of the alley where Lanie was standing.

Castle was immediately at her side as she headed in that direction. “Come on, Kate…you don’t want to remember him like this,” he tried to get through to her.

“Castle, if it were me lying there, would you just walk away?” she turned to look at him.

Just the thought of that possibility sent a chill through his body and made him nauseous. He didn’t have to answer her question; the look he was giving her was answer enough–hell no, he wouldn’t just walk away. He would find whoever had hurt her, and then no one would ever find the body.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Lanie offered her condolences.

Beckett clenched her jaw and blinked, but Castle could tell she was struggling to hold onto her composure. “Tell me what happened.”

“He was shot in the leg. Judging from the blood trail, I’d say the bullet broke the bone. He tried to hide, but…” she trailed off with a shake of her head. “I found this in his pocket,” she handed Beckett an airplane ticket stub. “He flew in from LA this afternoon.”

Castle took a step closer to Beckett then. “What was he doing in LA?” he asked curiously.

“I heard he moved there after he lost his bounty hunter’s license. I guess he was trying to make a fresh start,” Beckett answered, looking over the ticket stub.

“When was the last time you spoke with him?” he asked her softly.

She swallowed hard, staring at the ticket stub before folding it back. “When I arrested him.” She took a deep breath. “Lanie, could I?”

“Sure,” Lanie answered, stepping out of the way and exchanging a look with Castle as Beckett approached Royce’s body.

Castle watched intently as she crouched down near the body and took a few minutes. He watched as her shoulders tensed a little more. He watched as she touched Royce’s hair and either sniffled or inhaled deeply…he couldn’t tell. He was ready to move to her side the minute she stood and headed back in his direction.

“Royce had something else in his pocket. It’s addressed to you,” Lanie handed her a note.

“Is it about the case?” Castle asked her as she opened it.

After reading for a few moments, Beckett folded the note and put it in her pocket. “No.”

Esposito approached them, carrying a gun. “I think we got the murder weapon. Found it in the garbage around the corner.”

“Gun was definitely fired recently,” Ryan added as he joined them. “Shooter took the time to empty the ammo before he dumped it.”

“Worried we’d find fingerprints on the bullets?” Castle raised the question.

Beckett took the gun and examined it. “This is a cheap street gun. It’s a throw away.” She studied the gun a little more. “There’s threading on the barrel.”

“Silencer?” Castle suggested.

Esposito nodded. “Yeah.”

“Allowing our killer to shoot Royce in broad daylight,” Beckett stated, handing the gun back to Esposito to bag as evidence.

“Listen, Beckett…we’re gonna get this guy,” Ryan assured her. “We got uniforms heading to every store and apartment within a 5-block radius.”

“This is New York. Somebody had to have seen something,” Esposito added.

Castle turned to her, placing his hand on her shoulder lightly after the boys walked away. “Kate…”

“Castle, I’m fine,” she insisted.

“You’re not fine,” he said softly. “Royce was your friend. It’s okay to take a few minutes to grieve,” he added. After a minute, he let his hand fall from her shoulder. “Why don’t you let me take you home? There’s nothing else you can do tonight. You can get some sleep and start fresh on the case in the morning,” he suggested.

Beckett was about to protest when Montgomery walked over to join them. “Alright, you’ve seen him. You paid your respects. Now go home, Beckett.”

“Sir,” she started to protest.

“There’s nothing else you can do here tonight. Dr. Parish won’t have anything for you until she does an exam. Uniforms are canvassing everywhere. Ryan and Esposito will handle anything else. They’ll call you if anything pops. Go home, Beckett. That’s an order.”

She looked between her captain and her partner and finally relented, wordlessly stepping away from them to go back to her unit. Castle was quick to follow her.

“Castle, you go home too,” she told him, stopping him as he went to get into her car. “You just got back from a book tour. I know you’re tired.”

“I’m okay. I can just sit with you. You shouldn’t be alone…you don’t have to be alone,” he offered.

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine,” she assured him.

“Kate…”

“Rick, please,” she said. She needed to be alone. She was going to fall apart when she got home, and the last thing she wanted was for him to see her break like that.

The way she said his name, coupled with the look in her eyes had him nodding. “Okay. I’ll go home. But if you need anything…you call me. Even if all you need is me to sit on the phone with you in silence, ok?”

“Do you even know how to be silent?” she teased lightly, trying to show him that she was okay.

“I do, actually, when it matters. And I’m serious. Call me,” he insisted.

She nodded. “Okay.”

xxxxx

“Beckett, I’m not sending you to LA. You have no solid evidence linking Neal McCauley to this murder,” Montgomery insisted.

“He came to New York for 6 hours. Who flies in for that short a stay?” Castle pointed out.

“Businessmen do it all the time,” Montgomery countered.

“Businessmen don’t use fake IDs,” Castle countered back.

“Or pack silencers,” Beckett added.

Montgomery shook his head. “That’s supposition. I need a lot more than that to justify flying a detective across the country.”

Beckett shook her head as well. “You and I both know the longer I wait to go out there, the colder this trail gets.”

“Take a day to shore this up. And then if there’s sufficient evidence, I’ll contact the LAPD.”

“You’ll contact the LAPD?” Beckett asked incredulously. “This is my case! This happened in our jurisdiction. You think the LAPD is gonna lift a finger?”

“Kate, you’re too close to this!” Montgomery insisted.

“No, Sir, I am committed. I am not compromised.”

“You’re torn up,” he interrupted her. “Kate, things between you and Royce ended badly. I get it. But that emotion is exactly why I need to assign this to someone else.”

Beckett paused then, taking a step back. “You know what? You’re right. I am too close to this. I have some vacation days coming up. I think now would be a good time,” she stated, turning to head out of the office.

“Kate,” he called, stopping her. “I hope you’re not thinking about doing something reckless.”

She turned to face him, meeting his eyes for a long moment. “No, Sir,” she stated, leaving the office.

Castle’s eyes met Montgomery’s and both men seemed to understand each other. Montgomery’s look told Castle to follow her…something he would have done anyway…because neither man believed she was stepping back and doing nothing.

“Where are you going?” Castle called after her.

“Home,” she insisted.

“The hell you are. I know you better than that,” he tried to stop her with a hand on her arm.

“Castle, please,” she pulled it away. “He was my training officer…my friend. I just…I really need to be alone right now,” she told him, making her way to the elevator.

Castle watched helplessly as the doors closed. Why did it always feel like they’d take one step forward and then something happened to make them take two steps back? He was really beginning to hate that dance.

“You know she’s going to LA,” Espo said, coming up behind him.

“I know,” Castle sighed.

“You really think she’s going to just willingly let you go with her?” Ryan asked as he joined them.

“She won’t have much of a choice if she doesn’t find out until the plane is already in the air,” Castle stated simply, already pulling out his phone to check for the next flight to LA, knowing she’d be on it. “Whether she likes it or not, someone’s got to have her back…and I’m her partner.” He headed for the elevator himself; he had a couple of hours to pack a bag and get to the airport, already calling to arrange a hotel suite for them.

xxxxx

Kate Beckett hated the middle seats in airplanes. Unfortunately, that was all that was available to her last minute. She knew she was lucky to have gotten on the flight at all considering she’d been on standby status. Still, being squished between two larger men was going to make for a very uncomfortable flight across the country…especially if the baby screaming in the cabin didn’t eventually tire itself out and fall asleep.

“Excuse me, Detective Beckett?” one of the flight attendants approached her.

“Yes?” she answered.

“You’ve been upgraded to first class.”

Beckett didn’t even question the reason. “Thank you,” she smiled, standing quickly. “I’m sorry…excuse me,” she said to the man, climbing over him to get out of the cramped row. She followed the flight attendant to the first-class cabin.

“Seat 3C,” the attendant told her.

“Thank you,” she smiled her relief. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the man she’d be sitting next to.

“Champagne?” he asked innocently with a smile.

She took the seat beside him, fastening her seatbelt. “Castle, what are you doing?”

He shrugged with a grin. “The studio’s been after me for weeks to fly down and do a set visit for the Heat Wave movie. Imagine my surprise when I saw your name on the standby list,” he took a sip of the champagne.

“You cannot be a part of what I’m gonna do out there,” she told him simply.

“I thought you were on vacation,” he pointed out.

“Castle,” she shook her head. “Look, it’s one thing for you to follow me when we’re in New York, but I’m not a cop in LA. I don’t have any authority or backup,” she told him.

“I’ll be your backup,” he insisted. Seeing her roll her eyes, he continued. “I’m your partner. Besides, going rogue is kind of my specialty.”

“Yeah, but subtlety isn’t,” she countered with a small smile. “I’m not going to get rid of you am I?” she asked him. Seeing him shake his head, she sighed. “Okay, if we do this together you have to promise me that we’re gonna fly under the radar.”

“Of course,” he smiled, offering her the extra glass of champagne.

She studied him for a moment before taking it with another roll of her eyes. She took a sip, offering him a small smile. “Thank you for upgrading me. I was kind of miserable back there.”

“You mean, you didn’t enjoy your seat sandwiched between two of the linemen for the Giants?” he asked with a chuckle.

“No,” she smirked. “The screaming baby didn’t help either.”

He laughed softly. “You’re welcome. Besides, how are we supposed to talk strategy with you in the back of the plane and me in the front?”

“We weren’t supposed to talk strategy at all,” she laughed, nudging his shoulder playfully.

“We have a 6-hour flight, Beckett. It’s going to be a long 6 hours if we don’t talk.”

She smiled and took another sip of her champagne. “Some people sleep on a flight.”

“Are you one of those people?” he asked with a smile.

She shrugged. “Sometimes. Probably not this flight. I’ve got too much on my mind.”

He nodded, placing a hand over hers. “I’m here for whatever you want to talk about,” he offered her a smile. “Or we could just drink,” he joked.

“I think one glass will suffice,” she chuckled, stretching her legs out.

He smiled and squeezed her hand before releasing it. The surprise was evident on his face when she took his hand back in hers a moment later.

“Thanks for coming with me, Castle,” she said softly, offering him a smile and pulling their joined

hands back into her lap.

“Always,” he smiled, stretching his legs out to get comfortable as well.

xxxxx

“Is this what you call under the radar?” Beckett asked, gesturing to the red Ferrari they were currently in.

“In LA, this baby fits right in,” Castle insisted. “So what’s our first stop?”

“My hotel. It’s on Ventura Blvd.”

Castle shot her a look. “That’s all the way in the Valley. How are we supposed to work together if you’re an hour away?”

“Castle, we weren’t supposed to work together at all,” she reminded him.

He shrugged. “Okay, well the studio comped me a two-bedroom suite at a 4-star hotel. You just stay with me,” he stated as though it were a no-brainer.

She snorted a laugh. “Yeah right!”

“What?” he asked, turning to look at her. “You’ll have your own room.”

“No! I am not staying with you!” she insisted, biting back another laugh.

He raised an eyebrow, almost in a challenge. “Worried you can’t control yourself when we’re alone together?”

Her smile faltered only slightly. It was a legitimate concern of hers, yes, considering the current state of their relationship and how close they currently were to crossing the line between friends and lovers…but she wasn’t going to admit that to him. “Actually, it’s not me that I’m worried about,” she replied.

“I assure you, Detective, my intentions are pure,” he insisted as the light they were stopped at turned green. He paused a moment before continuing. “Need I remind you that the last two times we were alone together, you were the one who kissed me,” he commented nonchalantly, keeping his eyes on the road.

She tugged her lower lip between her teeth. She couldn’t even deny that. Even though it had been months ago and she hadn’t ended her relationship with Josh at the time, she’d still been the one to kiss him on Valentine’s Day over wine in his loft. And now that they were both single,

she hadn’t been able to resist kissing him when they’d gone out 3 weeks ago after he’d been so jealous of Alex Conrad.

Yes, they were here to work…at least she was…but she also couldn’t deny the attraction and connection that pulled them together, couldn’t deny that they were one “Yes” from her away from becoming romantic partners in addition to professional ones. Here to work or not, she knew it was a very real possibility that when they were alone together she would give into the temptation that was her desire to be with him. Simply having her own bedroom didn’t guarantee she wouldn’t seek him out in the middle of the night without anything holding her back anymore.

“Fine, I’ll stay with you,” she finally agreed. She knew herself well enough to know there was a very real possibility she would find herself in his bed…or invite him into hers…before they left LA. She only hoped she was ready for everything that entailed. Because once they crossed that last line between them, she knew there would be no going back. If she messed it all up, if they crashed and burned, she would lose him forever…and she wasn’t sure that was a loss from which she’d recover.

xxxxx

“We’re so happy to have you back, Mr. Castle,” Maurice the concierge smiled. “I’ve taken the liberty of setting up the suite just the way you like it.”

“Thank you,” Castle returned the man’s smile.

“And I’ve scheduled a couple’s massage at 7,” Maurice added.

Beckett paused looking around the suite for a moment to cut Castle a look. “Pure, huh?”

Castle’s eyes widened slightly. “Uh, Maurice, you can cancel the couple’s massage. We’re actually here to work, so we won’t be needing that tonight.” He didn’t ask for the champagne or flowers to be removed, however.

Maurice nodded. “Very good, Sir.”

Castle handed the bellhop who handled their luggage a tip and offered Maurice one as well. “Thank you, Maurice.” He followed the men out and closed the double doors behind them. “The last time I was here, I brought this Parisian supermodel, so he…” he trailed off when he caught the look Beckett shot him and he realized bringing up the fact that he’d been with other women here was probably not the best idea considering they were working toward a relationship with each other. “You know, that is not important. Would you like to choose your bedroom?”

She rolled her eyes and went to her carry-on to get her jacket. “No, I would like to start the investigation.”

“But we haven’t even ordered room service yet,” Castle pointed out.

“Castle, I’m not here for room service, I’m here for justice,” she stated, heading for the doors.

“Can’t we have both?” Castle called as he followed her. “Wow. In LA for all of a minute and already she’s spouting cheesy movie dialogue. Must be something in the air.”

xxxxx

“Picture this: a gullible young actress, desperate to make a name for herself. She meets our mastermind at a club. He needs a pretty girl to help him get the voice code. He tells Violet he’s a producer, promises to make her famous if she helps him play a practical joke on a friend,” Castle theorizes. He turns to face Beckett on the couch in the living room area of their suite.

Beckett turns a little more facing him, her elbow resting on the back of the couch with her head resting on her hand. The bottle of champagne from earlier is opened and mostly empty on the coffee table in front of them. “She doesn’t even realize that she’s participating in a crime until afterwards. She can’t call the cops, so she contacts Royce.”

“But then, our Mr. McCauley finds out,” Castle continues to build theory with her.

“And Royce tries to change the game. He goes to New York; home-field advantage. Classic. Classic Royce,” Beckett smiled slightly. “I was so in awe of him, Castle when I first met him. I just hung on his every word. And then later, I realized he was just making up stories to mess with me,” she gave a soft laugh, but her smile faded. “I can’t believe that I’m never gonna see him again.”

He studied her for a moment, shifting just a little closer. “You know what I first thought when I met you?” he asked her.

She turned her attention back to him. “Mm?” she hummed the question.

“That you were a mystery I was never gonna solve. Even now, after spending all this time with you, I’m still amazed at the depths of your strength…your heart…” he trailed off as the faintest smile teased his lips, “and your hotness.”

She looked down for a moment and then met his smile with one of her own. “You’re not so bad yourself, Castle.”

Their eyes locked and they held each other’s gaze. He wanted to kiss her…so badly. Under any other circumstance, he would have. But she was vulnerable now. She was dealing with her grief over the loss of her friend whom he knew she cared for deeply. He wouldn’t be the guy who took

advantage of that. He cared too much about her to be the guy who did that to her. If there was a move to be made, she was going to have to be the one to initiate it.

“I should go. It’s late,” Beckett stood, finally breaking the moment between them as she headed for her bedroom door.

“Kate…”

“Goodnight, Castle,” she stated, stepping inside and closing the door. She leaned against it, running her hands over her face and through her hair. A hundred thoughts were running through her mind: She should have kissed him. Why was she running? How badly she wanted to kiss him. How badly she wanted to lose herself in his arms tonight, let him make her forget everything else but him and the way she knew he would make her feel. But was that fair to him to do it this way? Was it fair to either of them to spend their first night together under these circumstances? Was she ready to fully embrace the depth of her feelings for him? Was she ready to embrace the depth of his feelings for her?

Her hand lingered over the door handle for another moment as she hesitated. The words from Royce’s letter echoed in her mind: And now for the hard part, kid. It’s clear that you and Castle have something real. And you’re fighting it. But trust me, putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake. Risking our hearts is why we’re alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, if only. A moment later, she’d made her decision. She wanted the comfort he would provide. She wanted to touch him, to taste him, to feel him. She just wanted him. She opened the door and met his eyes as he stood from the couch. “Castle…” she breathed from her doorway.

He wordlessly approached her, coming to stand in front of her in her doorway. In her bare feet, she was a good 5 or 6 inches shorter than him, and his eyes were soft as he looked at her. “Kate…” he murmured, unable to resist reaching out to run his fingers gently across her cheek.

Her hands moved to his chest and her eyes closed as she leaned into his touch. Her fingers tightened in his shirt and she pulled him closer against her, opening her eyes to look at his lips.

He leaned down, his lips stopping just before they touched hers. Swallowing hard, he had to make sure. “Kate, I don’t want to take advantage of you,” he murmured in a whisper.

Her nose nuzzled his, her lips moving the tiniest bit closer until they were only a hair’s width apart and she could feel his breath tickling her lips. “You’re not…” she breathed, her lips barely brushing his as she spoke. “If we hadn’t been so busy the past few weeks, this would have already happened…”

He swallowed hard again. She was making it so damn hard to think straight, to try to be the

gentleman. “I thought you wanted to wait…”

The last words from Royce played over again in her head. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, if only. “I’m done waiting,” she told him.

“You won’t regret this in the morning?” he had to ask her. Because he wouldn’t be able to handle it if she did.

“No regrets,” she promised, unable to take it anymore and closing the almost invisible distance between their lips with a slow kiss. She stepped back from him into her room a few moments later, her lower lip tugged between her teeth and the look in her eyes inviting, imploring him to follow her.

He was powerless to resist her now, and he knew it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Opening them a second later, he followed her into her bedroom and closed the door behind him.

xxxxx

IT’S ABOUT TO GET STEAMY

SKIP THIS PART IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ SEXY TIMES

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Her eyes never left his as he approached her. She took the final step toward him necessary to close the distance between them again and took his face in her hands. This time when she kissed him, the dam broke; her feelings for him, their physical attraction to each other, the past two+ years…everything poured into her kiss. She was drowning in his kiss, in him, and for once she didn’t care.

Her tongue ravaged his mouth, and he let her take what she needed, what she wanted from him while his hands gripped her hips and pulled her closer. One hand slowly ran up her back and curled into her hair, deepening the kiss until both needed some oxygen. His mouth ran along her jaw to her neck and finally along her throat, grazing her skin lightly with his teeth as he tasted her.

Her hands moved to his plaid button-up shirt and shoved it over his shoulders, causing him to release his hold on her long enough to yank his arms free from it. She grabbed his t-shirt and tugged it over his head as well, her eyes and fingers traveling the lines of muscle across and down his now bare chest appreciatively. Her lips grazed against the hollow of his neck where it met his chest, her tongue darting out to taste his skin. Her arms moved around him, her fingers sliding up the muscles of his back as she pressed an open-mouth kiss to his chest, smiling against his skin at the low groan that escaped his throat.

When he felt her fingers at his belt before he’d even had the chance to get her shirt off her, he

caught her wrists and brought them to his lips for a gentle kiss. “Not so fast,” he murmured with a smile. He caught her playful look and returned it with one of his own before grabbing the hem of her shirt and bringing it up and over her head. His eyes darkened at the exposed skin, the black lace of her bra a stark contrast against her tanned skin. His fingers gently traced along the length of her bra strap at her shoulder as he circled behind her.

The feel of his lips on her shoulder and then her neck as he pushed her hair aside drew a gasp from her lips. His mouth lightly danced along the curve of her neck as his fingers unclasped her bra. She leaned back against him as his hands slowly slid the straps down her arms until the piece fell from her body to the floor. Her head fell back against his shoulder and her eyes closed as his lips slid to her shoulder, one hand flattening against her stomach to hold her against him, the other moving to her breast, eliciting a soft moan from her lips.

He bit her shoulder gently as he squeezed her breast. One of her hands moved to cover his on her breast, and her other moved to his head, pulling him into a smoldering kiss. As she tugged his lip between her teeth and bit gently, the hand on her stomach slid lower, dipping inside her pants, his fingers lightly tracing along her underwear. She moaned her approval into his mouth and released her grip on his hand to guide the hand in her pants lower until she could press his fingers into the heat between her legs.

Even through her panties, he could feel her arousal, causing him to groan against her lips. “Kate…” he breathed, his mouth moving to her neck as his fingers slipped past the barrier of her underwear to slide between her legs. The feel of his touch where she was already so ready for him caused her hips to buck against his hand and nearly sent her spiraling. The hand still joined with his on her breast flexed and squeezed, while her hand that had guided his into her pants gripped his hip, her fingers curling in his belt loops.

He continued to work her up with his fingers at her core, his lips gently sucking and nipping at her skin, and his other hand on her breast, alternating between massaging and rolling her nipple between his fingers. It wasn’t long before he had her a whimpering mess, his name escaping her lips in a breathless moan as she crashed over the edge. His fingers continued to work her through her orgasm until she couldn’t take it anymore and gripped his forearm, tugging his hand away. He smirked against her skin, moving his hand to her stomach to hold her against him as she recovered, his lips softly caressing her skin.

Once she regained her senses, she turned in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his smile with one of her own. “Hi,” she murmured, kissing him slowly.

“Hi,” he returned, resting his forehead against hers. He slowly walked her back toward the bed, easing her back and lowering her down on it when her legs hit the edge. He moved over her, capturing her mouth with his in a passionate kiss, his tongue slowly stroking hers. This time when he felt her fingers slide down his chest to his belt, he didn’t stop her.

She easily unfastened his belt and the button on his pants, and then slowly slid the zipper down. Her fingers teased just underneath the waistband of his boxers before her hands moved to his hips. She pushed both his jeans and boxers over his hips, her hands sliding around to grab his ass, squeezing the ample flesh as she pulled him into the cradle of her thighs. “Get them off…” she murmured, her lips brushing against his jaw as she pushed them as far down as she could.

He did as he was told, standing and removing his last remaining clothing. She pushed up to her elbows to watch, her eyes darkening as she took in the sight of him for the first time. She sat up, her hands moving to his hips as she pulled him to stand in front of her.

“Kate…you don’t have to…” he started.

“I know,” she met his eyes with a smile. She knew he would never expect or even ask her to do what she was about to do. But she wanted him, wanted all of him; she had for awhile. “I want to taste you.”

Her lips pressed a soft kiss to his stomach, glancing up at him as one hand moved to his length, her slender fingers stroking him slowly. She smirked against his skin at the low groan and moved her mouth to his hip, nipping playfully before blazing a trail of open mouth kisses across his skin as she worked her mouth further down. She looked up at him watching her and saw his eyes close as she ran her tongue the length of him before taking him in her mouth and sucking gently.

It took all of his willpower not to buck his hips into her mouth, but he somehow managed. He forced himself to keep his eyes open, watching her, one hand tangling in her hair…not to guide her movement, but to simply caress her. After a few moments, he hand to stop her. “Kate…” he managed to choke out her name on a strangled moan, his hand gently caressing her cheek. “I can’t…you’ve got to stop…or it’s going to be over to soon…” he managed to get out, trying to force his breathing to return to normal.

She raised an eyebrow, slightly amused as she leaned back on her elbows. He moved with her, leaning down to kiss her again, moaning against her lips as her tongue sensually tangoed with his. His hands gripped her leggings and pulled them down her legs slowly, standing to toss them aside as she shifted to push herself up on the bed, resting her head on the pillows.

He crawled up the bed to her with a grin, dropping soft kisses to the inside of her knee and trailing his tongue along the skin of her thigh. When he reached her underwear, he paused and looked up at her. “You’re sure?” he asked her again.

She pushed up on her elbows so she could gently caress his face. “Make love to me, Rick…” she told him softly, pulling him to her for a slow, deep kiss as she slid her body against his.

He groaned, wrapping her in his arms as he deepened the kiss. When he finally broke away, he pushed up to his knees and hooked his fingers in her panties, drawing them down her legs slowly before dropping them to the floor to the side of the bed. He swallowed hard as his eyes traveled over her body slowly. “You’re beautiful, Kate…” he murmured in awe. His hand slowly, lightly ran up her thigh as he settled between her legs.

He trailed kisses across her stomach before getting sidetracked by the tattoo on her hip, which she’d fully expected, tracing the outline with his tongue. His mouth continued it’s path, until his tongue dipped inside her, finally tasting her, and he knew at that moment he was addicted. Each touch of his fingers to her skin, each press of his lips, each stroke of his tongue was reverent, as though her body was a temple at which he was worshiping. He took his time as he worked her up, enjoying the taste of her, enjoying the soft moans and whimpers of pleasure as he explored her body, learning the way she liked to be touched so intimately.

It wasn’t long before she was moaning his name as she came, her fingers clenching in the comforter on the bed. He gently but firmly held her hips in place as mouth continued to work her through her orgasm, and then suck on her bundle of nerves until she quickly came undone again, his name falling from her lips in a strangled scream. Only when her fingers curled in his hair and pulled him away slightly did he move his mouth to her hip, biting enough to leave a mark and soothing it with his tongue.

His kisses were slow and gentle as they moved back up her body, giving her time to recover. It wasn’t until he was settled in the cradle of her thighs with her hips rocking against his as they kissed passionately that he realized–he didn’t have protection on him. “Kate…” he pulled away breathlessly. “I didn’t bring…I mean, I didn’t expect that we would…I don’t have condoms…”

“Neither do I…You don’t carry one in your wallet?”

“Not if I don’t think I’m going to need it…which I didn’t…because we weren’t together…and I did not come out here with the intention of sleeping with you…” he murmured, moving to shift off her.

She gently stopped him, her fingertips lightly caressing his jaw. “Castle, it’s okay,” she assured him softly, pressing a kiss to his chin. “I’m clean. And I’m on birth control. So I’m good without one if you are.” He was the only man she would ever consider doing this with, and only because she trusted him implicitly. She'd never even had unprotected sex with Josh. There was no one she trusted the way she trusted Castle.

He stared at her for a moment, because he knew the level of trust that she was putting in him with that statement, with that action. “I’m clean…” he promised. “You’re…you’re really sure about this, Kate? Because I can’t promise you I’ll be able to pull out before I…”

She interrupted him with a kiss. “I’m sure. I trust you completely, Rick…”

This time it was him who cut off her words with a deep kiss. I love you, was right on the tip of his tongue to say, but he didn’t dare say it now. He’d told her before…on more than one occasion, admittedly not always at the best moment. The last thing he wanted was to send her running now if she wasn’t ready to hear those words from him again. Instead, he’d show her.

One of his hands found hers and he laced their fingers, pushing their joined hands above her head. His other hand lightly caressed her thigh and shifted, meeting her eyes as he slowly slid inside her. She gasped softly, and his forehead rested against hers as they both took a moment to savor the connection.

Her hand squeezed his and her free hand caressed his cheek as her lips met his again in a tender kiss. One of her legs hooked over his hip, pulling him in closer, and a soft moan escaped her throat. Another moan escaped, this time from each of them, as she rocked her hips against his to get him to move.

They exchanged breathless kisses, gentle caresses, soft moans as their bodies moved together almost seamlessly, meeting each other perfectly, each knowing what the other needed or wanted as though they were in a well-choreographed dance and not coming together for the first time.

As he felt his climax approaching, he released her hand and shifted so that he had a deeper angle. “Kate…I’m close…” he warned dropping his mouth to her neck.

Her lips moved to his ear as her hands slid down his back, her nails raking across his skin. “Let go with me…inside me…” she panted breathlessly, tugging on his ear with her teeth as her legs pulled him in closer to reinforce her words.

Her breathless moans and the way she moved her body with his, the way her legs tightened around his waist, was enough to push him over the edge and pull her with him. He thrust a few more times until he was completely spent, and dropped down, rolling them so she was on top of him.

xxxxx

SEXY TIMES IS OVER

IT IS SAFE TO READ AGAIN

EVERYTHING BELOW IS RATED T

They stayed wrapped in each other's arms silently, both catching their breath. He caught her hand drawing patterns on his chest after a few minutes and brought it to his lips for a gentle kiss.

“You were right…I had no idea,” he admitted with a grin.

She laughed softly and pushed herself up on his chest to look at him. “You still don’t,” she grinned. Seeing his look, she kissed him as she laughed again. “That was just a preview,” she murmured against his lips before pushing herself up off the bed. “Be right back,” she promised, pressing one last kiss to his lips before disappearing into the bathroom.

When she returned, he’d gotten under the covers and made no attempt to hide his enjoyment in the fact that she hadn’t bothered to put any of her clothes…or his…back on to cover up. She met his gaze with an amused arch of her eyebrow, turning the lights off on her way back to bed. “Staring is still creepy, bud.”

He chuckled as she slipped back into bed beside him. “Can’t help it,” he shrugged, turning on his side to look at her. “I told you before…I’m still amazed at your hotness.” He couldn’t help but reach out and let his fingers trace along her curves.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she echoed her own words from earlier, sliding closer to kiss him. She grinned against his lips as he deepened the kiss and threw her leg over his hips, quickly straddling him, running her hands over his chest as she stared down at him. “You wanna find out what you really had no idea about?” she asked in a husky tone, already sliding her body sinfully against his as she bit her lower lip.

He swallowed hard, his hands moving to her thighs. “Yes, please,” he managed to choke out. The way she was moving her body against his was similar to every fantasy and wet dream he’d had about her since that undercover date in the club back in February. Only now it was real…she was really here, it was really her body moving against his, and it was better than any fantasy.

She leaned down to kiss him with a wicked grin. “Your safe word still apples?” she purred against his lips.

All he could do was nod.

xxxxx

Okay, I am aware this is only the first half of the LA episode. I went a little crazy here…I told you guys it was a favorite of mine! And I am sorry, but you will have to wait until I return from vacation to get the chapter dealing with the second half of the episode. But I did make this a long one to tide you over in the meantime!

I really hope you enjoyed this one! And I look forward to reading all your comments for those who leave them!

[helyiios]

On danse pas

Or that one time Benji went on a solo mission.

Benji says “lol” and Ethan loses his entire fucking mind.

He’s staring at his friend through a screen, watches as he’s being reviewed by Alan Hunley, who looked extremely displeased, by the way, and he can’t help but want to make the room explode.

Or something.

“Did you just say “lol,” agent Dunn ?” the Secretary asks, closing his eyes slowly, “or did I mishear that ?”

“I don’t know what else to say ?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You could explain to me what the fuck happened during your mission, for example. Just for example.”

“Nothing went wrong with this mission.”

Ethan grimaces. With a kill count of fifty three, three civilians, a building in flames, collapsed on itself, and a few people straight up murdered, he wouldn’t say that nothing went wrong. He loves Benji, he really does, he thinks he’s a fantastic guy, truly, but they had to stop sending him on solo missions. Honestly.

“You caused an explosion in Central London,” Hunley states, spreading papers on the table, “do you know how many people got hurt ?”

“Some ?”

“Seventy six. With fifty three dead.”

“Don’t think that’s the biggest I can go,” Benji offers with a genuine smile, and Ethan slams his own head against the wall. “No but I mean, sir, no offence, but I didn’t let that building explode because I had planned it. They had extremely dangerous weapons stored there, and I can’t exactly steal a PHASR in my little purse and come back to the IMF.”

“So your plan of action was to destroy them. By fucking up the entire locals of ARCH.tech.”

“Yeah ? I mean, I stole the blueprints first, didn’t you read the report ?”

“Benjamin Dunn,” Hunley warns, voice low and dangerous, “you’re going to have to use another tone with me.”

“You’re acting like I did something crazy ! Personally, I only killed, like, ten people. Max ! The rest was the explosion.”

“Do you know how angry MI6 is about this ?”

“Well maybe if they hadn’t thrown me out back when I tried to get in they wouldn’t have had to worry about this,” Benji mumbles petulantly, crossing his arms. “Look, I’m sorry for the deaths. I didn’t mean it !”

“You’re not sorry, you don’t care !”

“It’s not like I can care about everyone in this world,” he protests with a grimace. “I’m not Mother Theresa.”

Hunley holds back a scream of frustration, choosing to rub his hands on his face instead.

One thing about Benji Dunn, is that he was efficient. When with Team Hunt, he proved to be resourceful and a master at tech related support. When alone…

Well, his first solo mission had been a breeze. He’d done his part, had come back, gotten slapped on the back, and all was great. Peachy, even. So he’d gotten cleared to get sent on more solo missions. Which always ended…correctly.

Until this one.

Where he’d gone completely looney, and pushed the big red button, and gotten a review as a thanks. And he had had the gall to be displeased about it.

“You were on the news, Benji !”

“Lol,” Benji says out loud again, like an actual fucking lunatic, “yeah, I saw. The BBC. I actually watched it from a bar. Made me blush.”

“Why aren’t you taking this seriously ?!”

“You’re making this a bigger mess than it is !”

“YOU BLEW UP A FUCKING BUILDING IN CENTRAL LONDON !” Hunley screeches, and Benji recoils a little, puckering his lips annoyedly.

“Bad foundations, what can I say.”

“I’m going to get you pulled away from field activities.”

“You can’t,” Benji notes, wiggling his index at him with a laugh, “you need me too much.”

“You’re over estimating your worth.”

“That’s mean.”

“Look,” the Secretary sighs, clenching his jaw and gritting his teeth, “can you at least admit you went a bit overboard with the whole thing ?”

The agent shrugs.

“Sure, if that makes you happy. At the end of the day, I picked up on Bailey’s fuckup at ARCH and I got the info needed. And destroyed their weapons.”

“Ah, yes, but agent Bailey did not kill fifty three people.”

“There’s no free lunch,” Benji just says, visibly very little interested in the whole thing. “Also, I made a very clear a nice report on the whole incident. You can’t even call me lazy.”

“Yes, your report was good.” A pause. “What ? That’s not the point ! Does your team know ?”

A frown.

“Why would they ? They’re not concerned by it.”

“Thought it would shock them.”

“I don’t really care,” Benji whines, “I did my bloody job and I’m getting lectured over it !”

“Well,” Hunley finally says, giving up completely, “do try not to do something like that again. Please.”

“Do you want us to, like, pinky promise ?” he offers, holding out his hand with a crooked pinky finger.

“Get out of my office, Dunn.”

The agent bursts out laughing but gets up all the same, dusting his shirt carefully.

“Oh, and Benji ?”

“Yeah ?”

“Why did you fail the MI6 entrance exam ?”

A pause.

“Psych tests,” he grimaces.

Hunley tips his head back, face in his hands.

“Yeah. Figures.”

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hi lovely just been checking up with your blog and earlier you asked about the ideas for one little scene moments ( btw I loved the one you posted, what I love about your writing is how detailed you are I can see that and feel it in my head love you so much for that seriously ) so I love angst (i'm sorry ) so wanted to send you this. Girl/reader is being done with Matty's unwillingness to understand her pov during a fight and is out of words, gives up and agrees with him without any emotions and this is where it hits him. He then tries to show her he does get it which is hard bc she gave up. i Hope it makes sense sorry that might be a complicated

Omg this is so so so sweettt???? 🥹💗💗💗 and it makes me happy to hear that cuz I often feel like I’m better at writing dialogue than I am at scene-setting, plot, emotions, etc. and it bugs me sometimes hahaha. So this means a lot to me for real 💗💗

anyways, I THINK, I know what you mean. Let me know if this is not it. I’ll be happy to give it a second shot.

———

“I just don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect my girlfriend to be on my fuckin side.” Matty huffed, the heat of the argument making his skin feel too warm for him. He looked down at the marble of kitchen island as he sat at the barstool, pushing his half empty cigarette packet around with his finger, and watching it slide from one side to the other. his knees began to bounce as soon as he sat down, the nervous energy flowing through him, but he did his best to avoid looking into her eyes.

“I’m just pointing out that irony has its limits. I’m not saying abandon the entire show-“

“No, not at all. but you ARE saying you wouldn’t enjoy seeing it.” His lips moved before his brain could think, still addressing the sliding cigarette packet, he spoke with a clenched jaw. “‘So, how’s the new tour Matty? Seen the reviews, it looks great!’ ‘Yeah, yeah, thanks, mate. My girlfriend hates it, but hey, at least Rolling Stone thought it was alright.’” She shook her head in disbelief, walking around the kitchen island and towards the fridge to pour herself a glass of water.

“I am, and always will be, you’re biggest fan and you know it.” She grabbed an empty glass off the dish rack, pulling the fridge door open with her free hand.

“Didn’t sound like a fan when Brad asked you what you thought. Sounded like a- a- Twitter troll.”

in the silence, Matty could hear the gulping sound of the water pouring down her throat. She set the now empty glass of water on the marble counter, inches away from his cigarette packet.

In a calmer, more composed tone, she restated the point that she felt she’d been making all day. “I merely pointed out that, as it stands right now, the show feels like it’s more of the same thing. And that if your goal is change, evolution, a female perspective on this whole question of masculinity wouldn’t hurt”

“But that’s the fuckin point!” Finally, the frustration feeling bigger and stronger than his body, Matty stood up, sighing loudly and pulling at his own hair. “To take the thing to his absurdist limit such that it becomes a parody of itself. Besides I refuse to participate in the false dichotomy of male versus female. To fix one you must become more like the other? What kind of bullshit artist do you think I am?”

He finally picked up the cigarette packet and lit one, taking a drag that forced him to stop and breathe in for a moment.

her lips parted, instantly, ready for the rebuttal. Ready to explain to him, for the hundredth time in the past hour, that she wasn’t suggesting what he thinks. That she wanted him to try harder to practice all the things that he theorizes. To ask himself what he’d feel if he were to be vulnerable, without the safety net of a joke, or an act, to fall back on. But as she prepared her next argument, running through her thoughts before she spoke them, the feeling of defeat overwhelmed her. She’s been at this a while. Trying to explain what she meant in different ways. Some gentler, more indirect, leaving it up to Matty to draw his own conclusions, others louder, more blunt, unequivocally disagreeing with him. But Matty was so trapped in his own vision to step outside of himself and entertain an alternative. She took a deep breath, squeezing her lips shut. Then, she exhaled, looking at Matty as his fingers nervously tapped against the marble surface. “okay.” She said simply. “I get it.”

Matty blew the smoke up towards the ceiling. “I’m just saying” he spoke authoritatively, like a lecturer clarifying complex concepts to a room full of novice students. “I know what I’m doing. And I wish I could the sense that you believed in this thing as much as I do.” He finally turned to meet her eyes.

“I do. I believe in it.”

“I trust the audience. They’ll get it. I don’t think they’ll think it’s the same show all over again.” He was doubling down, but the more he spoke, the more he seemed to doubt his own words.

“yeah, you’re right. I think they’ll get it.”

she walked in a semi-circle, around Matty’s body, retrieving her empty glass. It still held on to some of the coolness from the water that had left it. She set the glass down in the sink, turning on her heels and walking out of the kitchen without sparing him a second glance.

she felt foolish that this had even turned into an argument. She was certain that normal couple had communication issues, or argued about whose family they should spend the holidays with or whose turn it is to do certain chores, not, the limits of irony is performance art or Matty’s fear of and simultaneous desire for sincere self expression. The thing is, she knew that to their relationship, this is a communication issue. It was important to Matty that she be a fan of his artistic choices because his work is who he is. She often looked at what he did and saw him. Saw the way his mind works, how he feels about important parts of his life, what he’s proud of, what he’s afraid of, what he loves or hates, what he wants to change. She got to know him this way. To her, his inability to concede to her judgment wasn’t just a difference in aesthetic theory, it was an unwillingness to relinquish control over the argument. He wasn’t even trying to put himself in her shoes and see things her way. he felt attacked by her criticism of something that came directly from the depths of his mind and heart, and his response what to push back. She’s been lost in thought, so she had no idea when Matty had appeared in the living room doorway. His head cocked to the side, his gaze downcast. “Do- do you really think there isn’t enough honesty in the new show?” His tone was inquisitive now rather than accusatory. hesitantly, he walked towards her on the couch, one step at a time.

“the shows fine, Matty.” She looked right through him, at the wall behind him.

“it’s important to me that you like it.”

“I do. I like it.”

matty clicked his tongue. “Please, don’t be like that.”

She looked directly into his eyes, this time, and he could see her anger. “Like what, Matty? Supportive! I thought that’s all you wanted from your girlfriend. Well, here I am. Being supportive.”

He stopped inches away from her, dropping to his knees and hopping to be at eye level with her waist. He placed his hands into her lap, palms down, gripping the tops of her legs desperately. “I want- I need to - need you to be proud of me.” He rested his head against her knees, begging for physical intimacy to bridge the emotional gap that had formed like a chasm between them.

reluctantly, her hands found their way to his hair, caressing it lightly, a sign of compromise. Meeting in the middle. “I do want you to be supportive.” He spoke into her legs. “I’m being supportive. I’ll be supportive.”

He shook his head, his curls moving around her fingers. “No, not like that. I think- I think you were being supportive before. By pushing me to be better. I don’t want a cheerleader, I want you.” hid hand reached over his head and grabbed her wrist. “I love when you argue with me. Please never stop arguing with me.” Pulling his head off of her, he leaned over and kissed her hands. “Please promise me?”

[wonderlandleighleigh]

The cooking show in ‘78 is a big hit, which doesn’t really surprise Midge, much. She’s always been a whiz in the kitchen, and she’s funny as hell on top of that, and so the combination of her quick humor and delicious food winds up being an irresistible one-two punch.

Susie is happy, too. It’s keeping Midge in the public eye without having to send her on tour. Abe isn’t doing all that great now that Rose is gone, and the kids are a fucking mess, apparently, with Esther’s genius starting to make her life much harder, and Ethan is still trying to decide whether he wants to do his rabbinical studies here in the states or in Israel.

Shit’s nuts, in short.

But the show is fun. It’s low stakes, and every once in a while they have a celebrity guest come on to make one of their own dishes. Gordon Ford came on once for a steak au poivre recipe where he just hit on Midge the entire time. It made for good TV, but Midge left set annoyed as fuck and the two women drank their way through a couple of bottles of wine that night.

Shy Baldwin came on for an episode to make paella and Midge makes lots of jokes about Jewish people and shellfish, while Shy complains about the fact that when he does cooking shows everyone wants him to make fried chicken.

“My fried chicken is terrible,” he laughs. “I gave Reggie salmonella once.”

Midge laughs at that. “You did not!”

“I did! He’s never let me live it down!”

It’s a great episode, two old friends who have mended a long-broken fence giggling their way through a half hour of television, talking about the tour in 1960, and having a frank discussion about Shy’s coming out the year before. Shit gets rave reviews TV Guide, and even Variety picks up a blurb about the two’s warmth and effervescence on screen.

Susie is happy.

“I booked Lenny Bruce for next week.”

Susie is less happy.

“Mike!” she snaps. “What the fuck?! Seriously!? She hasn’t spoken to him since his overdose in ‘66!”

Mike blinks. “I thought they were friends.”

“Before he fucked his life, yeah,” Susie tells him. “They haven’t spoken in years.”

“Do they hate each other?” Mike asks. “Should I cancel?”

Susie blows out a breath and thinks for a moment. Midge doesn’t hate Lenny. Quite the opposite. They just...never got it together. “Let me talk to her. See what she wants.”

“The guy’s been clean since he almost kicked it,” Mike shrugs. “And he’s mostly working behind the scenes producing documentaries these days. I thought it’d be a nice ‘hello, old friend’ kind of episode.”

Susie squeezes her eyes shut. “Just...lemme take her temperature on it.”

*****

“Oh.”

Susie observes her oldest friend quietly as the comedian absorbs the information. Her eyes look sad and wistful for just a moment before she takes a breath and sits up straight.

“It’ll be fine,” Midge says. “It’ll be...nice. To see him.”

Susie eyes her suspiciously. “Will it?”

“I uh...yeah,” Midge nods. “I think the last time we spoke, we ran into each other at a Grammy party he stopped in at right after he got clean. He was...it was nice.”

Susie sighs softly. She likes Lenny. She, too, has run into him here and there, and since getting his shit together and winning his appeal, he’s been good. He was downright sweet the last time, buying Susie a drink. Thanking her for trying to drag his dumb ass out of that hole he was in.

It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if Lenny wound up being husband number five.

“Okay, then. Lenny is on next week,” Susie confirms.

*****

He gets to set a little early to prep, and say hello. He’s quiet now, which Midge finds strange, but he’s clearly happy to be there. They share a friendly peck in greeting and then the work starts.

Susie hovers, whether to keep an eye on him or to keep an eye on her, Midge doesn’t know, but they run through what they’re doing (chicken soup - she can’t believe she hasn’t made it on the show yet), and the director does his usual shpeil, explaining how things work, where to look, where to stand.

Once the cameras are rolling, that old chemistry comes roaring back like a tidal wave. Their banter is fast and funny, and they laugh together. They shamelessly flirt, and Lenny drives her nuts by adding too much chili powder to the soup.

“You like spicy food,” he accuses.

“But chicken soup isn’t a spicy dish, Lenny.”

“Why not? We’re adults. We’re not committing murder. We can make spicy chicken soup.”

It goes off the rails from there, and suddenly they’re adding an entire jalapeno to the soup, and Lenny goads her into doing a party trick she’d mentioned to him long ago; eating an entire hot pepper without incident, which she does. 

They eat the soup, and declare it delicious, surprisingly, with all the spice.

They end the episode with their arms wrapped around each other, and Lenny laughing and trying to avoid her spicy breath as she giggles her way through the outro of the show. Once she gets out her “thank you and goodnight!” she turns to him and huffs in his face, making him jerk back, still laughing.

Susie can’t remember the last time Midge lit up so much with anyone other than Susie herself. It looks good on her, and since her mother died, she’s been down.

“You still out in LA?” Susie asks him as he’s getting ready to leave.

“I just moved back,” Lenny admits. “There are three docs shooting here in the next year I’m working on, and I’ve been asked to be more active, so I got a little place.”

Midge hears and perks up, but doesn’t say anything.

“Well...don’t be a stranger, then,” Susie tells him, patting his arm as she walks off, leaving the two comics to talk, though listening as she goes.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were moving back?” Midge asks.

“We don’t talk very much anymore, I didn’t think you’d care to know,” Lenny offers helplessly.

“You’re so dumb,” she accuses. “Of course I care to know. We should throw you a housewarming party.”

“No.”

“Lenny.”

He sighs heavily, as unable to say no to her as Susie is. “Fine.”

Susie smirks and heads for the offices to get a bead on last week’s ratings.

*****

After that, Lenny guests on the show once a month, and even when he’s not there, Midge brings him leftovers. 

END

[femaletwstsupremacy]

i have just a little request if you dont mind, we have fem idia enjoyer of woman and yuri manga (the cutesy slice of life ones like failed princess, monolouge woven for you, whisper me a love song ((just somethin sweet ya know)) and idia is hopelessly pining for the main girl type, ortho being the best little sister invites us over and idk just a little idea 4 u

"𝙈𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙂𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝘼𝙪𝙧𝙖!"

✦ Content – Idia being a simp, Ortho being a sweetheart, kinda did a reverse isekai plot here, Idia is Shen Yuan (From Scum Villain) coded, reader came from a world where technology isn't all that advanced, Reader has a personality, reader is gn but reader being feminine was in mind while writing.

Author's Note: Waaa, I had so much fun playing with this idea anon. Thank you for sending this in! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ It's not exactly like the request so I apologize for that. But! I absolutely support Fem!Idia yuri enjoyer, I am one as well after all (With a side of bl fan in there but shhhh)

Idia was many things, a loner, a genius with wasted talent, a weirdo, a curse. But she could care less about those, what do they know about her anyway? It's not like half of those people who talked behind her back actually talked to her. But if there was one thing she could proudly call herself, it would be that she's an avid yuri fan. Slice of life? Fantasy? Mystery? Yandere? She'll read it as long as it's yuri! (And if it has at least a decent plot, otherwise she'd either simply throw it out or start hating in the reviews if she absolutely despised it.)

The lighthearted and giddy feeling she gets in her chest every time she reads is something she just can't get enough of. But once she finishes the absolute masterpieces of the genre, she only has the leftover scraps left to read. Some of them aren't that bad, she could bear reading through with it and some of them even got her hooked. But some others were absolute trash. With nothing but fetishization and not even a pinch of genuine affection between the main couple.

By that time Idia almost debated leaving the genre altogether but decided to just wait. Wait for something good to actually come by, wait for an astounding masterpiece that could even make her slack jawed, wait for some of her few favorites to update, and so she did.

She waited, and waited, and waited. Until finally, a new manga had just released, taking the whole genre by storm. And as a connoisseur of yuri manga, how could she pass up this opportunity? Especially when she'd been waiting for so long. Besides, most of the reviews are fairly positive and by first impression it doesn't seem like some trashy manga that uses all the clichés and most popular tropes of the book. Unlike some that Idia had read. So she trusts that it will be a worthwhile read.

And worthwhile it was, Idia was absolutely hooked. It wouldn't be an understatement to say that this was a masterpiece. The plot? The setting? The tropes? and most importantly, the characters. (Did she mention the characters yet?) were all meticulously woven together into the perfect web to catch any unsuspecting readers into it's trap. Idia is no exception. But seriously, it's amazing. Even if it just released, it was already manga of the year in her heart. In fact, it should be the manga of the year in everyone's heart!

But you especially have taken her heart, kicking off any and all candidates that could have taken your place. Sitting beautifully in the throne of her heart. You were the main girl of the story, kind, pretty, and clever but didn't take anyone's shit for nothing. Your character was the exact one that Idia favors the most, so it was inevitable that you became her first and only favorite above the rest. Idia gathered anything she could get about you, analyzing your character under a microscope. Memorizing every small detail, no matter how insignificant. This also applies to your character arcs and relationships, causing her to make lengthy essays about it in the comments without fail.

Other times, when the author decides to shove tragedy onto you that she believes is far too much Idia would instantly go into a bout of outrage, her hair turning into a raging sea of red. The scale of her rage is clear to see if one were to read the scathing comment she had left. Don't they know that it's far to early? Your character isn't developed enough for this! She'd argue.

But usually, she would have calmed down in the following chapters. It's almost as if the author read her comments and decided to give you reprieve and a few wholesome moments in between as a peace offering. But that's most likely her imagination coming up with wild ideas on miniscule chances.

Months pass by, and before she knew it, it was already the final chapter of the manga. The manga she had spent hours mulling over, the manga that she collected a whole stock of merch for, the manga where she felt more than she usually does in real life, the manga you were in.

Idia stares at her screen, unblinking. The bold text of the final lines of the chapter staring back at her, the light of the screen almost painful as it illuminates the darkness of her room. Casting shadows along her face, making her look even more gloomy than she is. She doesn't know what is it exactly that she feels, it's like her heart feels full but at the same time has holes that leak out, causing a void of emptiness along with the full feeling.

It's strange, is this what it feels like when you get too attached to a piece of fiction? Idia wouldn't really know, she didn't get attached to much things in the first place anyway. But, she doesn't know what to think about it. It doesn't feel all that good, but it isn't all that bad either. Idia groans, burying her head into her hands.

Ugh, why does emotions have to be so damn difficult?

Idia can't believe this is happening. But the fact that you, in all your glory and grace, are right here, in her room, and gazing back at her is undeniable. Idia seriously questions if this was truly reality and she wasn't being delusional after so long of not having sleep and not eating properly. Which would have been the most logical explanation if you didn't look so real and lifelike. Especially when you stand there as depicted, eyes shining the same way it was drawn, actually breathing and are not just lines on paper.

When you quietly call out to her in confusion, Idia swears she'll see Hades in the next second because your voice is exactly as she imagined it-

"Uh hello? May I please know where I am?" You ask, slightly waving your hand in front of the strange girl's face – her hair being one of unusual blue flames that you've never seen before. The strange girl only jumps in response, letting out a surprised squeak. Scrambling to hide behind...a chair..? At least you think it's a chair.

The timid type huh, you can work with that. You put your hand back on your side, deciding to take a different approach so as to not frighten the poor girl more. Tentative, you leaned down to her level, purposely making your voice sound more soft and coaxing than usual, "Sorry about that, I'm kinda lost and it would really help me out if you could answer my questions, yeah?" The girls stares at you dumbly for a while, but your expression doesn't falter and eventually, she nods.

Another world? Manga character? currently in reality???? The revelation that the life you've lived was all a fabrication made from someone else's desires is a very hard pill to swallow. A bitter laugh escapes you as the strange girl – who had introduced herself as Idia – finishes her explanation. "So, you're saying that for my whole life, I've been living in some sick fairytale for the lot of you in 'reality' to watch?" You don't hide the bite in your tone, your frustration leaking out as if your body was filled with holes.

Idia squeaks, nervously clutching her hair – one that has swaying flames of azure – like an anchor that will keep her from sinking into the sea of your emotions. You sigh out, it's no use getting angry at someone who didn't have a hand in your creation. It's not like she had instigated anything that happened to you, she was just a viewer after all.

"Sorry, I got carried away. I didn't mean to get so aggressive." You say apologetically, your frustration still hasn't gone away, you don't believe it would go away so quickly but right now being level headed was the better option.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You lean your forehead onto your hand, regulating your breathing. For now, it would be a good time to gather more information...

You straighten up, clearing your throat in attempt to get Idia – who still hasn't raised her head in what you believe is fear – to look at you. It works, as she raises her gaze to look up at you. "Say, could you tell me more about this 'reality' of yours?"

Recovering from the shock of being a manga character was a long process. Thankfully, it seems your host was an accommodating one. Helping you adjust as best as she can. Though this world...has plenty of strange contraptions. You were scared out of your wits when Idia pressed a button and the square on her table started lighting up. The fact that everything in Idia's room is considered 'high-tech' doesn't help, But right after you've finally gotten over your shock the next thing you know there was a literal child that looked like the contraptions that appeared out of nowhere! Though, after your almost obliteration of Idia's room the child(?) was surprisingly friendly and humanlike despite your hostility in your first encounter. You've come to know the child as Ortho. You start to wonder if this world has a trend to name their children strange things...Other than that, she was an exact opposite of her sister, sweet, sociable, and cheerful. However, their differences don't seem to separate them in the least. In fact, they get along than most siblings you see. It got you feeling all warm and sentimental for a bit. But even then, they both at least one thing in common, and that's how cute they are. Now, it's a given that Ortho is cute. (Why wouldn't she be? Idia built her to look cute!) Though, Idia can also be – by equal measures – cute!

Cute enough to make you squeal and want to squish her cheeks. Oh, and the way her hair turns pink every time you get close...It's absolutely adorable! You never thought someone's hair could be so expressive! At one point your curiosity got the better of you. By impulse, you lightly stroked the azure flames. It didn't burn like what one would assume, rather it was similar to the feeling of warming your hands over a fire on a cold wintry night. Of course, when you do this Idia audibly squeaks and swivels from her seat to look at you. Embarrassment, it was common expression Idia made while with you. You guessed it was because you are her favorite character, the amount of pictures she has saved is already enough proof. You apologize to her but you're sure the teasing tilt to your tone doesn't make you convincing. Right, the longer you've stayed here, the less you cared about being convincing. This place is much more peaceful despite being worse according to Idia. As Idia starts to sputter at you, hair the pinkest you've ever seen it, you start to think that this type of life isn't so bad.

[leviathans-watching]

mfil - 25

-` ♡ ´- m.list | no taglist | next | wc: .5k

-` ♡ ´- a/n: ap exam cram time :)

*NOT CLICKBAIT!!!* when asmo learns that you, the newest exchange student has a youtube account and following somewhat comparable to his own, he decided right then and there not to like you. however, after an unfortunate (and misleading) exchange goes viral, he has no choice but to fake date you in order to save face. will asmo crush you and put you into place like you deserve? or are those funny feelings in his stomach not hate, like he had thought? like, subscribe, and maybe fall in love (with this smau) to find out!!

despite your reservations, you find that you and asmodeus actually work quite well together. you’re both able to do your own thing without much direction from the other, and before you know it, you have everything divvied up and a research plan made. your progress journal actually has an entry in it, something you’d never thought you’d see.

“perfect,” asmodeus says, shutting his laptop with a crisp snap, “just in time for my live stream.”

“what are you even live streaming about?” you ask, beginning to pack up your things. it’s idle curiosity really, not genuine care.

“some dumb brand sent me their products to test so i have to do a review and everything,” he replies, nodding to a box in the corner of his room. “i think it’s makeup.”

“you don’t know for sure? and geez, what would the brand think if they knew you called them dumb?” you ask wryly, and he rolls his eyes.

“whatever. unless you’re secretly recording the conversation–you’re not, right?–then they won’t ever know.”

you don’t deign him with a reply. honestly, you can’t quite fathom being so blase about a brand sending you stuff to test. maybe that is the true indicator of the difference between your and asmodeus’ positions.

or of your characters, you think, and hold back a snort.

“well, i better get out of your hair,” you say, standing. “thanks, i guess, for working with me on this and not making my life any more difficult than you already make it.”

“hey!” asmodeus says, affronted, “that’s my line.”

“please,” you say. “out of the two of us, you’re definitely the bigger headache.”

“you’re just jealous,” he says.

“sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.”

and though you’re arguing like you’ve done countless times in the past, it seems to lack some of that vitriol that had been there previously. maybe forced exposure to one another was actually working. sure, asmodeus is still a huge insecure jerk, but he’s not totally un-standable all of the time.

“alright, you can leave now,” he says with a huff, bringing ou out of your thoughts. “unless you’re too stunned by my charm, wit, and beauty.”

yeah, you take back everything you’d just thought. “in your dreams," you snort, slinging your bag over one shoulder and not looking back as you leave his room. you hope his live stream goes terribly.

it takes you some time to find your way back downstairs (seriously, the house is more of a maze than diavolo’s castle is), but when you do, you run into his brothers, who are all in the living room.

“are you leaving?” satan asks, jumping up when he sees you. “so soon?”

“well, asmodeus kicked me out,” you shrug. “and anyway, it’s about my lunchtime anyway.”

“why don’t you just stay here for lunch?” Beelzebub asks, exchanging looks with belphegor. you don’t really want to do that, but know it’ll piss asmodeus off, so you agree.

“as long as i’m not an imposition.”

“nonsense,” lucifer waves you off. “it’ll give us a chance to all know one another better.”

you get the sudden feeling you’ve just walked right into the clutches of a wolf pack, then brush it off. “that’s really nice of you. of course i’ll stay. let me just text diavolo and let him know so he doesn’t worry about me.”

leviathans-watching's work - please do not copy, repost, or claim as your own

[studentbyday]

me on monday: decided to make a merve-like study schedule so hopefully i can overcome overwhelm and procrastination. 🤓 "+" means any amount of bonus time if i feel up to it, but i don't *have* to do more than already specified here.

D-40 DAYS TO FREEDOM

me today: i really wish i didn't have to study today. despite the study schedule, i spent way too much time procrastinating in bed.

also i started using obsidian today and it's...basically like OneNote?? the learning curve isn't even that huge. maybe the confusion starts when you try to zettelkasten and use plugins. i like it (zettelkasten) in theory, but i don't think it's for my already overwhelmed (and highly unorganized and scattered) brain struggling to understand the info for the first time on a tight schedule 😵‍💫

study:

send biochem paper (1st draft) ✅ (it's not done, but the 1st draft is ungraded and i have bigger fish to fry today)

write biochem discussion post ✅

1 section of mol bio notes (2 long sections total this week 😵‍💫) ✅ (why is it that accepting that i can't actually store in long-term memory all the new info they throw at us in the time they allot feels like giving up? i just got my midterm mark back and i didn't actually score that bad but i am exhausted just thinking that i have to do it all over again in december 😭 and then i'll wanna review the course content so that i don't feel so awful about myself not remembering things long-term, but this time at a more leisurely pace)

start mol bio assignment ✅ (and by that, i mean 1 tiny question 😂)

notes on 1 of 2 psyc ch from last week ✅

watch psyc overview + start 2nd ch from last week ✅ (thank god it's sm shorter than the 1st one 😵‍💫😌)

self-care:

physio exercises ✅

⏰: i expected the struggle but i made it to 5h today! i really need to take the breaks seriously tho, if i'm to last for longer...tmr i might have to try for 8 or so hours again, instead of the 4 planned above bc tHeRe'S sOoOo mUcH tO dOoOoOo (and i wanna finish them asap) 😵‍💫

[kay-elle-cee]

hi!! for the fic year in review, 8, 9 & 19 pls

Hi there! Let's see:

8. What fic meant the most to you to write? Answered here! :) But also! I keep forgetting I finished my Jily Newsies AU this year, which is one of my all-time favorite musicals, so that was a very fun way to combine two things I love very much.

9. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? Answered once here (warning: me gushing about my Pirate!Jily AU) but also how could I forget Stupid T-Shirts? I read it again this morning and it's just very funny and was so enjoyable to write because I was very much not taking myself seriously.

19. Share your favorite piece of dialogue Also answered here BUT will give another one!

I really do love this exchange in magic in the tides. It's a oneshot in my Pirate!Jily universe and their relationship is still really new. James is very open with his emotions while Lily is still pretty reserved after the life she's led, so James' declaration of wanting to know and understand the history of her life really resonates as something more than just words or something expected. It's more than "I love you," and Lily clocks it immediately.

“Do you intend to ask about every mark on my body?” she teases, by way of distraction. “I want to know the stories that put them there.”

Thank you for sending these in!

[spearmintyy]

Introducing myself through five favorite books!

Favorite Classic: Bram Stoker's Dracula

There's so many reasons why this is one of my all time favorites, but the part that really sticks with me is the characters. Each of them were so different from each other (a cowboy, a professor, a doctor, a school teacher, and an aspiring lawyer!) but their friendship still felt so true and genuine. One of my favorite adventure novels, so hopeful and sweet but not afraid to take dark twists. To me, this book is the definition of classic.

Favorite New Book: Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames

I know I'm using "new" loosely (can't believe 2017 was seven years ago...) but at the very least, this book is new to me! I thought this was such a clever take on the fantasy genre, which is my favorite. It kept all the classic aspects of wizards, flying ships, and even owl bears, while reframing them in terms of the modern music industry. I love old and new music, specifically punk and nu wave, so I really enjoyed all the little nods to it. Plus, the storyline of aging heroes reconvening to relive their glory days was just amazing.

Favorite Nonfiction: On Writing by Stephen King

To be totally honest, I'm not usually one for nonfiction. But this book was genuinely a page turner. While it's often touted as a must-read for aspiring writers, I don't actually think that's where this book shines. For me, personally, the most interesting parts were the beginning and end, learning how Stephen King grew up to be such a successful author, and learning about how he overcame the accident he was in and got back into writing afterwards. Also, his prose is just so entertaining I think it'd be hard not to enjoy.

Favorite Graphic Novel: Uzumaki by Junji Ito

I'm a horror lover, and this manga might be the most unique horror media I've ever experienced. Junji Ito really makes the most of the visual medium, and his art is incredible. I wish I could plaster my apartment with these pages, seriously. Beyond that, he finds such creative and fresh topics to explore, I think I left this book with all new fears. Seriously, my terrarium (as seen in the pic) is full of snails, and ever since I read this book I've been scared they'll escape.

Favorite of All Time: American Gods by Neil Gaiman

No book has impacted me so much as American Gods. It'll be hard to keep this short, as I genuinely think I could write a thesis on the complexities and lore of this book. But overall, I'll say I love folklore, and reading this book, I could genuinely believe Neil Gaiman knows more folklore than I could ever hope to learn in my entire life. Every scene and inclusion is so well crafted and thought out; reading this book probably took my twice as long because every chapter I finished made me want to read at least three wikipedia pages. Also, Shadow is one of my favorite protagonists I've ever read. Between his appreciation for the bigfoot magazine cover and constant attempts to entertain kids with coin tricks (which doesn't work out as often as it should!) I absolutely fell in love with him.

Thanks everyone for reading! I plan to use this blog as a space to share reviews of the books I read (as well as share favorite music and movies on occasion). Feel free to send in asks, comments, and questions. Nice to meet you!

[roslynwrites]

Hi there!

I found you from your beautiful, stunning, nothing short of perfect fic, Incendiary! Apologies if you don’t want new fans/ commenters (feel free to ignore this message if it’s a lot!)

But because reviews were turned off I just had to let you know how amazing the fic was - somehow! This is not an attempt to ask you about your next chapter status or anything like that but to really applaud you for the work you’ve given us for FREE. I think zutara fans in general have felt alienated by the community (esp when creators of the show have openly mocked us) so finding like minded people & quality fics are seriously one of the things that make me so happy.

My brain rot with Zutara died a few years again & then I started watching the live action … saw the infamous scarf scene and well spiraled right back in. Last time I was obsessed with the pairing, was before your fic. So when I stumbled over it this round I ate it up within 2 days … despite having to be up early haha. It was such a master piece even as I write this comment I’m in awe. I wanted to leave detailed reviews on each chapter but honestly the way you built the story, woven canon elements into it & structured the dialogue was breath taking. You brought back so many details and even though it’s canon divergent - everything made sense. It’s not one of those ‘it’s outrageous but for the sake of the fic whatever’, it actually worked WELL.

The characters would do those things had it been a more mature show, aged up, different circumstances. I love that. I also appreciated the lack of focus on kataang and having Katara be more than just a trophy - she felt so true to her essence. I’m not sure what I was even looking for scrolling absentmindedly thought Ao3 but finding your masterpiece was really not something I’d dream of. I did think loosely of a forced proximity, marriage trope for them and you executed in such a satisfying way. I can say that I am so so happy for coming across this. I think I’ve learned alot from the way you write as well. You did such a good job with some of the sequencing and ahhh just a true delight and joy to read.

All this to say I’m so very thankful for your contribution to zutara nation!! You gave the fandom such a priceless gift I know incendiary will be a fic I come back to often to reread and marvel. I hope everything is well with you🫶🏼

This ask made me tear up a little with happy tears; thank you so much for coming here to send this to me, you wonderful person <3

It's interesting you mention the alienation of the zutara fandom in relation to other parts of the fandom, it's actually something I ponder a lot. Fandom dynamics are so interesting in general to me, and every fandom is a little different. I am not a Zutara veteran by any means, I sauntered in quite late to the party and I don't really interact much with other parts of the fandom nor in any discourse, but even to reclusive old me I think it's fairly obvious that the creators deciding it was a great idea to essentially declare open season on personally insulting a large portion of the fandom based on fictional shipping tastes had a pretty large impact on how the atla fandom interacts lol.

Which is, of course, a shame, but cultivating fun, relaxing spaces is still thankfully possible, and I do think that the loud troublemakers (regardless of ship) are a small percentage of fandom; the chill people are usually just quieter and have to be actively found. I am sooo glad my fic could deliver some joy and feeling of like-mindedness for you :)

[welcometoteyvat]

AU where xiao has no karmic bonds anymore and works in liyue’s food delivery services

idk wanmin restaurant is expanding its service and xiangling heard zhongli telling guoba (when zhongli visits the ex-stove god the conversation is really one-sided but zhongli doesn’t mind, he can ramble enough for the both of them) that xiao is looking for work, and yknow, xiangling’s seen the young adeptus here and there and he’s praised her cooking before, both she and her dad don’t expect running deliveries to be that much work (plus he can teleport, it won’t be that hard) and he’ll get paid decently, why not offer him a job? he can pilot the program for a bit and then they’ll see whether it turns out ok, the worst thing that could happen is getting 1 star reviews on sevenstars.tyv for “unapproachable and frightening demeanor of delivery guy” (sumeru scholars invented the internet a couple years back or something). 

obviously zhongli says yes for xiao, because he thinks xiangling’s suggestion can do the young adeptus good—trusty old common wisdom states that food warms the heart and brings people together, and xiao (or any liyuen) is not an exception. and of course xiao agrees to zhongli’s proposal because when has he ever refused a request from his god and savior. never! zhongli and xiangling both assure him that he can refuse or resign at any point and neither will hold it against him, but of course xiao takes his job extremely seriously, and if yanwang di- no, if zhongli daren wants him to do it, of course he will.

xiao doesn’t have any feelings on the arrangements because it’s just another thing to keep him busy lol but he appreciates complimentary almond tofu, especially since he manages to persuade xiangling to make it the traditional way he likes it and save her new and improved tofu recipes for Other customers to try

xiangling sends xiao to more remote places at first to avoid crowds, which he appreciates, one time he goes to qingce village and ends up meeting little luo again, he doesn’t even remember her until she exclaims “you’re the adeptus who rescued my doll!!” with a giant smile on her face... were humans always so blindingly bright? he stiffly gives the family his greetings, and tries to smile a little bit at the girl (she’s extra pleased by this, maybe he’ll ask zhongli whether he has good smiles or whether they look like grimaces). little luo... was it? he should get xiangling to send her some candy next time.

he gets sent to the chasm one time bc the miners ordered hotpot as an end of season celebration, and he finds a small little memorial to the millelith who died in the chasm 500 years ago. after delivering the hotpot ingredients, xiao climbs to the top of the cliff to pick a qingxin and offer it to the memorial. the other yakshas were always pretty fond of humans, so it’s only natural. 

when he gets a little more used to the city xiangling sends him to deliver stuff around liyue harbor itself—one time the delivery was for hu tao, xingqiu, and chongyun, hanging around wangsheng parlor. usually xiangling would join them herself, and the young opera director yun jin and their rockstar friend xinyan visit too, but the three were busy with their own plans that time and it fell to xiao to deliver their dinner: light translucent shrimp dumplings without carrots, a bowl of cooling soup, and filleted fish. he hears them playing a rowdy game of something (mahjong... with only three players? or maybe tcg.... but as a 2 v 1 game? he’s getting more and more confused by the second) before the door’s opened by hu tao; she seems really ecstatic to see him, except her smirk sobers up quickly once they hear chongyun shouting “hey! you stole my cards!!” regardless she thanks him for the food, and then tells him a joke that really shouldn’t be funny at all except the corners of his mouth quirk up against his will. of course hu tao notices this, she’s always been a mischievous child too clever for her own good, and she smiles even wider in return and tells him that he’s welcome any time in her house. if he brings a couple hilichurls along he’s even more welcome

and of course, a lighthearted scene where, surprisingly, zhongli also places an order, but it isn’t sent to wangsheng funeral parlor, xiao goes all the way to jueyun karst and delivers the order to cloud retainer, mountain shaper, and moon carver. they’re just chilling and zhongli is introducing them to take out. “so, what do you all think of wanmin’s handiwork?” xiao tries to leave before any of them can start droning on and on, but obviously he ends up spending the whole meal with them because nobody can escape the sheer force of zhongli and cloud retainer infodumps. the other adeptus ask after him and the meal is generally silly banter: there’s a digression on triangular cups,,,, some nagging for xiao to eat more, “look at my newest invention isn’t it wonderful”,,,,,, and other small and incredibly mundane nothings that keep the conversation flowing like the tea from their triangular cups. insignificant occurrences in more peaceful lives, and maybe xiao is learning how to fall into this new rhythm of things... maybe he even likes it, maybe it will bring him more smiles in the days to come

yknow yknow do you feel me

very aware that some of this might be super ooc especially the adepti thing at the end but hey they can be silly as a treat, cloud retainer and co deserve a bit of adeptal entertainment time