#Seriously if I missed something or you need clarification go ahead and ask!

[familyofpaladins]

if we mostly read reader insert fics, do those count as ship fics or gen fics?

Depends.

As the insert, are you in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with one of the other characters? Or helping an other set of characters get together?

If yes to either, that'd be ship fic.

Are you just hanging out in their world, and interacting platonically (non-romantic or sexual ways)? Joining in on adventures or rewrites of canon* where you're there? Then that would be gen.

*if the canon is heavy romance and/or the fic decides to focus on the relationships either between you and a character or another set of characters, then I think that'd be ship.

I dont read character inserts, so if I'm missing some other trope, or common insert style fic that you're not sure where it fits, let me know and I'll try my best to let you you know if itd count as ship or gen

And thank you for taking my poll! I hope you have a great day!

[crowfootwrites]

A Night on the Town [Rafael Barba x OC]

Mayans MC has been consuming my life recently, so I've mostly been posting SOA/Mayans content, but SVU's Rafael Barba took my fanfic virginity, so I wanted to post another Barba piece.

I am currently working on a very long Barba x OC fanfic (it currently stands at about 50,000 words) but I don't want to post any of it until it's done because I would feel so bad if I never finished it. I wrote this smutty little chapter, but I can't really fit into the larger piece anywhere right now, so I figured I'd post it as a standalone. I'm leaving it as my OC, Dahlia, because that's who I wrote it for.

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut (seriously, the whole thing is smut); language; alcohol use; unwanted advances | Words: 3,575

Dahlia picked up the cell phone buzzing on the table and grinned to see the caller ID flashing “Sonny Carisi”.

“Sonny!” she exclaimed as she answered it. Rafael chuckled from the couch. He couldn’t imagine why anyone would actively want to be friends with Sonny, who grated his every last nerve; but to be fair, Dahlia was one of the friendliest people he knew, so he figured it was probably just him that was easily annoyed by Sonny’s overeager personality. He knew that Dahlia didn’t have too many friends in the city, besides her sister, so he was glad that she could talk to Sonny.

“Um, yes!” Dahlia said excitedly. “That sounds so fun!” There was a pause, punctuated by Dahlia’s quiet mhmm’s and yeah’s. Then, “Well, I don’t know if he’ll want to, but I’ll ask.”

Rafael groaned quietly. What was she going to try to rope him into? He’d had a long week and he really wanted nothing more than a calm night on the couch. He heard her put the phone back on the counter. He looked up at her, his eyebrow already quirked as she came around the couch to stand in front of him, hand planted on her hip. She smiled at him sweetly; so sweetly he could practically see the halo around her head. He was in for trouble.

“What?” he asked amusedly.

“Sonny and Amanda are going out to this new bar in Williamsburg, and they asked if we would like to join them,” she told him matter-of-factly.

Rafael sighed. “Mi amor, I’m so tired. It’s been a long week. I definitely think you should go if you want to, but I don’t know if I have it in me,” he said, watching her face for any sign of disappointment. There were none, which was strange. Dahlia was not good at hiding her emotions. One of his favorite things about her was how open she was with her feelings. So, this either meant that she wasn’t disappointed, or that he was about to lose a battle that hadn’t even started. He grimaced at the thought.

Suddenly, Dahlia was climbing over him on the couch, planting her knees and straddling his hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, all of her movements languid, which Rafael knew meant she was feeling some kind of way. She put on a pout and Rafael groaned, knowing he was doomed.

“It’s just so much more fun when we’re together, Rafa,” she whined. Her hips shifted a little in his lap and it immediately sent a jolt to his groin.

“No fair, niñita,” he mumbled, throwing his head back. He ran a cursory hand over her side, coming to rest on her ass.

Dahlia leaned forward so her lips were pressed against his ear. “I was planning on wearing a new dress that I think you’ll like,” she murmured, and Rafael shivered. “And if you come with me, I promise to make it worth your while.” She pulled back a little and when Rafael brought his eyes back down to meet hers, she was wearing a smirk that he desperately wanted to wipe off her face. His eyes flashed intensely, the green seeming brighter than usual, and Dahlia knew she had him. Honestly, she knew she had him before she even sat down, but she also never wanted to underestimate Rafael Barba.

Twenty minutes later, they were in their bedroom, Rafael trying (and mostly failing) to keep his hands off of Dahlia as she got ready. She had been right about the dress, he did like it, very much. It was a short, lemon yellow number, something Dahlia had called “fit & flare”, and in combination with her bright red hair, Rafael knew she’d be attracting all sorts of attention. Not that he minded. Whenever they went out, he thoroughly enjoyed watching other men’s faces after she came to sit on his lap or pulled him in by the lapels for a kiss.

He watched as she pulled on a pair of nude platform wedges and had to physically sit on his hands on the bed to stop himself from running a hand up her legs. She shut herself in the bathroom for a few moments to touch up her makeup. Rafael was, thankfully, still dressed from work, so he didn’t have to change, which would have made this battle a little more difficult for Dahlia. He re-buttoned his navy, pinstripe waistcoat and slipped his shoes back on, still not entirely ready to be back on the town after the day he’d had.

In the cab, Dahlia clung tightly to his arm, and he relished in the warmth coming from her. She was oddly quiet, staring directly ahead with a look of thorough concentration on her face.

“You alright?” he asked her quietly.

She glanced at him, then down at her lap. When she looked back at him again, she was grinning.

“I told you I’d make this worth your while, right?”

Rafael raised an eyebrow, waiting.

“Do you trust me?” she asked. Rafael narrowed his eyes but nodded. She held her hand out. “I need to see your phone for a minute.” Rafael’s heart thrummed. Dahlia had never once touched his phone, and he had no idea what she was about to do. Not that he was worried; he had nothing to hide from her. He just didn’t like being confused. He unlocked his phone and handed it to her. She quickly turned away from him, shielding what she was doing with her back. A few moments later, she was handing the phone back, and an app he had never seen was open on his screen.

Rafael stared at it in confusion. He looked back up at Dahlia for clarification, and she was grinning wickedly at him. She glanced up at the cabbie for a moment, then leaned into murmur to Rafael, “This controls the vibrator that I’m wearing tonight.”

Rafael’s face remained mostly controlled, but Dahlia saw the slight flexing of his jaw and she smirked at him again. His eyes flashed hot and she knew she had done well. He glanced down at the phone, then back up at Dahlia, his thumb sliding over the control button in the app. He watched her vigilantly as he pressed down, and a shudder racked through Dahlia, biting down on her lower lip.

Rafael grinned roguishly. “Oh, mi amor, you have definitely made this worthwhile,” he growled.

Dahlia winked at him, then put a hand gently on his arm. “I haven’t used this in public before, so I don’t know how well I’m going to be able to hide it.”

“I won’t overdo it.”

Just then, the cab pulled up outside of the bar, and Rafael helped Dahlia out, a million questions running through his mind. How long has she had this? Has she been sitting on this idea for a while? This is something she actively wants to do? She was handing over complete control to him all night long, in public, and while Dahlia preferred a more submissive role in the bedroom, this seemed to be something of a departure from her preferred turn-ons. Rafael realized the level of trust that she was giving him and he was determined not to take advantage.

The bar was in an old, nondescript building with exposed brick behind peeling paint. A small neon sign and a few small clumps of people smoking outside heralded their arrival, otherwise Rafael might have missed it completely. They made their way inside, and Rafael noted a few heads already turning to glance at Dahlia as they passed. He bit back a grin. Maybe this night would be fun after all.

They found Sonny and Amanda almost immediately, at a cozy table near the back corner of the bar. The inside was one long room, with a bar that ran the length of the building up one side, and booths and tables down the other. The whole place was decorated with bistro lights hung from the ceiling and palm trees scattered all around. It was loud inside, dance music pulsing out of the speakers, and the drone of drunk patrons talking and laughing. Fortunately, it was a little quieter at the table Sonny and Amanda had grabbed, but not by much.

“Dahlia! Barba!” Sonny called in greeting as they approached the table. He and Amanda both rose to hug Dahlia and each shook Rafael’s hand, not daring to touch him more than that. It always amused Dahlia how afraid people seemed to be of Rafael. But if she was being completely honest, it was kind of a turn-on.

When Sonny turned to Amanda to ask her something, Dahlia glanced up at Rafael from the cocktail menu. “Scotch, guapo?” He nodded at her with a smile and she excused herself to the bar. He couldn’t help but stare as she walked away, her hips swaying beneath the swinging of her dress. She leaned forward a little on the bar, trying to track down the bartender, and Rafael exhaled hard at the slight lifting of her hem. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it to stare down at the app. He spied the pulse setting, turned the intensity down, not wanting to startle her too much, then pressed the button.

He watched as Dahlia’s entire body stiffened, her head whirling around the glare at him. But he saw the playful smile on her lips and winked at her. He watched as she turned away, but crossed her legs at the calves, clenching her thighs. He didn’t notice the fascination with which Sonny and Amanda stared at him staring at Dahlia.

By the time Dahlia returned to the table, carrying Rafael’s scotch and her own Aviation, Sonny had pulled Rafael’s attention into a conversation about their most recent case. Dahlia watched as Sonny engaged with Rafael with his usual vigor and friendliness and smiled to herself as Rafael responded shortly and with just a hint of condescension. He was nothing if not consistent, and he was consistently her grouchy, self-assured man. She set his scotch on the table in front of him, then sat, chatting with Amanda about work and how Jesse was doing. Eventually, conversations converged, and Rafael was able to turn his attention back to Dahlia. He gazed at her for a moment, before sliding his hand into his pocket and hitting the button again. Dahlia’s body tensed again and she exhaled hard, dropping her forehead on her palm, elbow propped on the table.

“You ok, doll?” Sonny asked curiously. Amanda turned to look at Dahlia too and Rafael noticed the flush creeping across her cheeks.

She flashed them a smile that was all teeth and choked out, “I’m fine. Just… cramps.”

Rafael bit back a laugh. He slid his hand over to her thigh and gave it a squeeze, thoroughly enjoying watching her squirm. She looked at him and rolled her eyes, before crossing her legs tightly, knees stacked. Rafael watched as she took a deep breath and her muscles finally relaxed. He pressed the button again and observed a very different response from Dahlia this time around. Her eyes blinked heavily and she bit her lower lip, breathing a sigh that only Rafael could hear. She shifted in her seat and gazed at him hungrily. As Sonny held Amanda’s attention in the background, Dahlia picked her phone up off the table and pulled up her texts to Rafael.

DR: Te deseo, Rafa. No se si puedo esperar hasta que llegamos a casa. (I want you, Rafa. I don’t know if I can wait until we get home.)

When the phone buzzed in Rafael’s pocket, he pulled it out to look. He let out a low whistle, impressed with Dahlia’s multitasking capabilities. She had already turned her attention back to the conversation at the table, chatting happily as if she hadn’t just sent a dirty text to her boyfriend who also happened to be getting her all riled up.

He swallowed hard, considering how he wanted to play this. His fingers flew over his phone as he typed out his response.

RB: Well, you’ll just have to, querida. I want you to have plenty of time to think about all the ways I’m going to have you when we get home.

Dahlia glanced down to scan the incoming text and Rafael watched vigilantly as his words sunk in

and she shivered. She turned briefly to make eye contact with him, a sly look on her face. She turned away to face Amanda, declaring, “I love this song!” She grabbed Amanda’s hand and they made their way towards the center of the bar where a throng of bodies had already started gathering as the night wore on. Rafael looked on as Amanda and Dahlia danced carelessly through a few songs, their bodies flush against one another. Seeing the way Dahlia moved, and knowing what she was hiding from everyone but him, turned him on immensely, and he used every ounce of self-control he had to turn his mind away from the fact that he was half-hard.

Sonny turned to glance at Rafael with a laugh. “They look like they’re having a good time,” he chuckled, taking another sip of his beer. Rafael grinned. Dahlia glanced back to their table and winked at him. She looked dazzling to Rafael, her hair and dress shifting colors under the bar lights, her smile wide and radiant. She knew he wouldn’t join her on the dance floor, and so she teased him. Well, he could tease her right back, couldn’t he?

His phone in hand, Rafael turned the setting up one notch and held the control button down for a few long seconds. His eyes followed Dahlia, who had her back pressed against Amanda as they danced, as she bit her lower lip, her eyes fluttering, her hand traveling down as though she might touch herself then and there. Rafael felt another twitch in his pants, imagining her grinding against him that way. Dahlia appeared to suddenly remember where she was and straightened up a little, concealing her movements as dancing. But she shot a playful glare at Rafael, who tipped his head towards her. Dahlia turned towards Amanda and said something in her ear, then Amanda returned to the table as Dahlia headed back to the bar.

“Dahlia’s got this round,” Amanda offered as she slumped breathlessly in her chair. She turned to Rafael and added playfully, “You’ve got your hands full with that one, Barba.”

He smirked at her. “Don’t I know it,” he agreed. His gaze traveled back to Dahlia. She finished speaking to the bartender, who turned away, and Rafael’s eyes narrowed as she was approached by a guy who openly leered at her. He looked to be about Dahlia’s age, in very tight jeans and a fitted flannel shirt. Rafael snorted to himself at the beanie the guy was wearing. He looked like a try-hard, the kind of guy Dahlia could eat alive. Dahlia had turned to face him as he spoke to her and Rafael could see her shaking her head at him, smiling, trying to let him down easy. The guy appeared not to be taking no for an answer, and Rafael felt a flicker of anger lighting inside him. But before he could make a move, Dahlia was waltzing back towards him, holding a few beer bottles by their necks and another glass of scotch in her other hand. The man at the bar appeared to follow her, but Dahlia quickly dropped their drinks on the table, then seated herself in Rafael’s lap, where he immediately wound an arm around her waist protectively. He glared at the man, who scowled and changed course back towards the end of the bar.

Only then did Rafael realize that his turned-on girlfriend was sitting (and doing some almost imperceptible grinding) on his lap. His hand slipped to the hem of her dress as she returned to conversation with Sonny and Amanda as if nothing was amiss. Teasingly, he let his fingers wander along the inside of her thighs. When he reached her center, he clenched his jaw at the damp heat radiating off of her. He hastily withdrew his hand and slammed back the rest of his scotch.

“Amor, I’m sorry, I just remembered that I agreed to prep a motion for O’Dwyer,” he lied effortlessly. “Would it be alright if we head home?”

Dahlia glanced over her shoulder at him, an impish grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Of course, baby,” she cooed. She turned back to Amanda and Sonny, who both studied her skeptically.

“Thank you for the invite, this was so fun!” she exclaimed, hopping off Rafael’s lap. “We’ll have to do it again soon,” she added, pressing quick kisses to Amanda and Sonny’s cheeks in turn. They waved their goodbyes as Dahlia practically dragged Rafael out of the bar.

As they stood waiting for a taxi, Dahlia wound her hands around his neck, crashing her lips onto his frantically. Rafael did his best to keep up with her, noting the way she moved her hips against his. It took every bit of his strength not to start something right there on the sidewalk. Blessedly, he saw a taxi coming and flagged it down, nudging Dahlia into the backseat.

She was like a woman possessed, and by the time they stumbled into their apartment, Rafael was tearing at her clothes, eager for some release after a night of teasing. He pushed her up against the wall in their entryway, his lips locked on hers, his hands slithering up her thighs and grabbing her ass possessively.

“Do you know how hard it was to look at you bent over the bar in this dress?” he growled into the slope of her neck.

“How hard, Rafa?” she panted, working the buckle on his belt.

He grabbed one of her hands forcefully and pressed it against the bulge straining in his dress slacks. “That hard.”

Dahlia shuddered, her breath coming heavy and hot against his ear, as she finally managed to undo his belt and the zipper on his pants with her free hand. With a low moan, she pushed his pants and boxer briefs down his legs and ran her fingertips nimbly up the length of his cock. Every muscle in her body trembled with tension, her pussy clenching repeatedly, aching for some kind of release.

Rafael nipped hard at her neck, loving the breathy whimpers his mouth elicited from her. He tugged the waist of her dress up and she lifted her arms so he could pull it over her head and toss it to the side. He made quick work of her bra, and yanked her red panties down to her ankles. He lifted them up on one of his fingers and leered at her with a smirk.

“These were a good investment,” he mused, before tossing them to the side as well.

He grabbed Dahlia’s shoulders roughly and turned her so her heaving chest was pressed flush against the wall. He ran his hands gingerly down the curve of her spine before landing a sharp smack on her ass. Her breathing hitched and turned into a whine as Rafael spanked her again. He ran a slow finger between her legs finding her slick between her folds. He had to have her.

While Rafael considered himself a very generous lover, and always made it a point to take his time with foreplay, he needed to be inside her, a need that gnawed at the edge of his consciousness as he lined himself up with her entrance. His left hand snaked around to grab at her throat, applying a little pressure as he thrust himself into her. A loud whimper spilled over her lips as his right hand found its way to her clit, rubbing firm circles as she rocked against his hand.

After a long night of teasing, Dahlia was already on edge. It didn’t take long for Rafael’s clever fingers to push her over. She came hard, wailing his name with her cheek pressed harshly against the wall, clamping down on his cock inside her. The increase in pressure around him had Rafael reeling; he buried himself deep inside her a few more times until he came, grunting her name, interspersed with a string of profanities. He collapsed against her back, working to even out his breathing.

“Fuck, Raf,” she huffed. “I’ve been thinking about you doing that since the first time you hit that goddamn button.”

Rafael chuckled, wincing slightly as he pulled out of Dahlia. She turned to face him, resting her shoulders against the cool wall as her hips swayed forward. She pushed her hair haphazardly out of her flushed face, her eyes sparkling in satisfaction.

“Shower?” she purred, feeling the stickiness dripping between her thighs. She ran a finger teasingly down Rafael’s chest.

He eyed her greedily, need still simmering in his belly. “Oh, we’re not done yet, mi amor. I promised to have you multiple ways, and I am nothing if not a man of my word.”

Dahlia’s eyes widened as Rafael wrapped his arms around her hips. He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist, yelping as he carried her purposefully to their bedroom for a little more fun.

[johannstutt413]

(requested by calligomiles)

“Ineedasnack.” Shaw, drained from a day of putting out fires, managed to reach the cafeteria and was seriously in need of an energy boost. “Butitsnot timefora mealsomost ofthefood isputawayso iguessi havetotake adessertinstead.”

Most of the dessert table was also cleared out, as it turned out, but sitting in the center, untouched, was a tray of blue-frosted cupcakes. Normally, the Zalak wouldn't have dared take one, because these were Blue Poison’s cupcakes, and even if folks like the Doctor and Gummy swore by her baking skills, it was hard to get over the fear that they might’ve accidentally (or intentionally, but Shaw knew better) poisoned them because...well, it’s in her name, isn’t it? Still, this was not the day for a beggar to become a chooser, so she steeled herself, grabbed a cupcake, removed the front part of the wrapper so she could take a bite, and braced for the- holy shit, they hadn’t been kidding.

“Thisisreallygood,” she said to herself, finishing the rest of it and reaching for a second one.

As she did, an Anura appeared, almost out of nowhere, behind the counter. “You like it?”

“MissPoisonhi!” The Zalak jumped, accidentally knocking one off the tray and onto the table frosting-first. “Ohimsosorry yesitwasreallygood imreallyhungryand theresnothingelsetoeat butthatsnotan insultoranythingijust-”

“It’s okay, Miss Shaw. I understand, I really do.” Not that the insinuations didn’t still hurt Blue, just that she expected them. The fact Shaw had tried one at all was kindness enough.

Which, just by the look on her face, was fairly easy to discern on Shaw’s part. “Thesearereallygood soimsorry ididnttry theseearlier howlonghave youbeenbaking?”

“Oh! I’m not really sure now.” Blue understood the gist of what this rapid-fire squirrel was telling her, at least. “Since before Rhodes Island, at least.”

“Ohthatscool ineverlearned howtocookmuch cookinginvolvesfire andfireandi cantbeon goodtermsafter The Apple Stand.”

She was completely understandable for the last phrase, which raised warning signals to the Anura. “The Apple Stand?”

“Thereasonima firefighterisbecause The Apple Stand iusedtolove asakid burneddownandi dontwantthat tohappento anyoneelses preciousthingsyouknow?” Shaw sighed. “Idomiss theapplesthough.”

“Oh, that’s so sad, though...Will you come back tomorrow? I’ll have something special for you if you can.” Her mind was already whirling, running through what she’d need to do to make what she wanted to. It’d be a first, but nothing she couldn’t handle.

The Zalak nodded when the offer registered. “Illcomeback tomorrowthenif youwantmeto doyoumind ifihaveanother beforeigo backtowork?”

“No, please, go ahead.” When she reached for the one that’d fallen over, though, Blue nudged her hand away with the back of hers. “One of the other ones, please. I’ll...are you okay?”

“Imfineimfineimfineimfineimfine” Shaw began to loop as she grabbed two more cupcakes and left the cafeteria in a bit of a panic.

The Anura watched her go with a sigh. ‘Even after that conversation, I suppose I’m still “toxic” after all .Still, I’ll try making that for her. She’s only the fifth person I’ve had any real progress with...’

-----------

The next day, Blue hovered within line-of-sight around the dessert table, watching the pair of apple pies she’d put out - one, a lure for her close associate Exusiai, was gone in a hurry, but Blue had decorated the other one so it didn’t look like a pie and was, thus, safe. When the Zalak returned, as she’d promised yesterday, it looked like a single-layer cake that was the perfect single serving size.

“GoodafternoonMissBlue,” Shaw mumbled as she approached the table and Blue approached her. “Sorryaboutrunningoff yesterdaybuti hadtoget back to work.”

“Don’t worry about it. I understood.” The Anura leaned against the table, waiting for the firefighter to make a move.

She did...not the one Blue was expecting, though, as she took off her glove and offered her hand. “Chiefsaidyoure notdangerousandi believetheChief butyousurprisedme yesterdayididntthink youwouldwantsoot onyourhand.”

“Is that what that was?” She had had to wash her hands after that, as the one had collected a layer of grey powder from momentary contact with the charred-looking Zalak’s suit. “I...Thank you, Miss Shaw.”

“Wecanskipthe’Miss’es nowithink.” Since the Anura was still hesitating, Shaw reached for her hand to sim- wait, as a toxicologist, she was a chemist, wasn’t she? Why were her hands so soft, then?

For her part, Blue was over the moon, almost like being affected by one of her own poisons. “How forward. Um, I had to disguise it, but I made you an apple pie here-”

“Youdid?” She looked at the dish, realized it did resemble a pie dish more than a cake pan, and squealed. “OhmygoshitsbeensolongsinceIhadoneofthoseyouresoniceBluewhydidntInoticebeforeIcouldjusthugyourightnow!”

“Um-” Before she could ask for clarification, the Zalak was around her, her head at exactly chest height. “Shaw...” Rather than ask any further questions, she simply returned the hug, smiling like a fool. Her tail was so fluffy, it made her want to...

Shaw squeaked as the Anura’s hands followed their instinct and entered the fluff. “I-i-i-iguessthisisfine.”

“Mmhmm.” Words had now mostly escaped her because holy shit, how was someone who spent most of their days fighting fires able to keep their tail fur so soft and clean? Not that she’d had a tail since she finished puberty - and the less said about that, the better - but it seemed like a lot of work.

“...Blue?” The Zalak tapped her on the back. “Doyouwanto shareyourpie withme?”

She nodded. “Mmhmm.”

“Weshouldprobablysit downtodothat.”

“Mmhmm.” A long moment later, the Anura took the hint. “Sorry, I got carried away.”

Shaw shook her head. “Noitsokay ididntmind...it was nice.”

“Mmm. I’ll carry this to a table for us.” Blue took the tin and looked around for a table for them to sit at.

The Doctor watched from his table as the Zalak tugged on her sleeve before grabbing her hand again. It was funny - the other day, Shaw’d ran into his office all flustered, asking if it was okay to touch the Anura. At first, he’d thought if it was worries about poisoning, but watching them, he could smile to himself knowing it was something far more wholesome that’d led her to ask the question. Hmm...Was it really that easy?

[tomdiddlyumptious]

A.R| Just cry Already

Summary: did arvin take you on a date- oop.

Warning: slight sexual tension, just a little tense, NOT SEXUAL- terrible flirt, and of course unedited

A/n: smack my ass like a drumb ✌️😌- YALL I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE ABOUT BEING LATE- IM HAVING A FEW PROBLEMS AND I HAVE TO RE WRITE THE SHIT I RIGHT BECAUSE IT SEEMS RUSHED!

Chapters -> one ✨ two 🤠 three ✨ four 🤠 five

Arvin isnt a stalker, he just wanted to know where you live, turns out just across the woods. Lenora called him ‘freakin crazy’ while his grandmother called him ‘in love’. He wants to sneak you out so he does, he grabs his coat and nicer pants, he cleaned himself up, brushed his hair back with some water and brushrd his teeth.

“She is gonna love you man” he says to himself in the mirror, after checking himself out. He grabbed his keys and headed out.

You on the other hnd were right awake, thinking about the preacher and how disrespectful he was. “God he just seems-“ you cut yourself off, you were honestly having the second hand embarrassment, how it is to be in his place.

“Im not falling in fucking love, hes a white boy god dammit” you murmured, the room dark and the door closed while you placed your hands under your ear, closing your eyes.

Until you heard a light knock.

You jumped as you looked out your window, a hat appearing as hands start to open the window, you quickly got up and grabbed your heel. You grabbed the foot of it and held the heel up.

“Oh shit- how hard can it be to open a damn window?” You hear youre guessing a man groan, you walk up to the window and see white hands, your first instinct is to pierce it but you soon realize who it is.

“Shit arvin you scared me! I almost put a whole in your hand!” You whisper yelled as you put down the heel softly to not wake anyone up. You grab his hands and let him inside, softly planting his feet on the ground and looking at you with his chocolate brown eyes that the moon shone on.

“Hey” he let out a chuckle as he looked at you. “My dad is gonna kill me and you, what do you want arvin?” You ask seriously, placing your hands on your hips and honestly missing your bed.

“I-uh wanted to take you on a date- as i said theres a drive through and a movie is playing” “is this your ticket to makeout with me?” “I mean no- but that would be nice” you sigh, then you hear wood creak. “Shit! In the closet- NOW” you whisper yell, pushing him to the closet and closing it, throwing yourself on the bed and under the sheets.

Your door opens as your eyes are wide open, your father entering. “Why are you up? And why is your window open?” “Its hot and my head hurts a bit” “not sneakin boys in here are ya?” He switches on the light looking around in your room. “Now why would i do that, dad?” You let out a giggle. “I dont know, i hope you know your my little girl and your never leaving, ever” he lets out rather harshly. Arvin crinkled his eyebrows and mentally added notes about your father, now understanding what you meant earlier.

You gulp and nod, not wanting to answer. He smiles and turns off the light, closing your door all the way shut before stepping off. Sooner or later the closet door opened with a smiling arvin.

“Get changed! We gotta go!” He whisper yells, you smack your lips and sigh in defeat before getting up and walking over to your closet. “Well you gotta get out!” You say, he raises an eyebrow in confusion ��of my closet?” He lets out an ‘ohh’ before standing up and dusting his pants off.

You take out some of your brothers jeans, a tank top and some 2 inch black heels. “Arent women not aloud to wear pants?” “So you arent a feminist?” Arvin lets out a ‘pffft’ “of course i am, Especially for you” “oh shut up and let me change” it became awkward of course as you had to hide yourself from arvin.

Of course you didnt have a bra on, so when you took off your night gown your breats slapped on your stomach, arvin just leaning against the window seal with his arm as he watchs you without hesitation “you are such a creep, i can feel you staring at me” you comment. He only giggles as he watches your back move, your glowing back move to put your black tank top on.

You turn to him and meet his eyes “turn around arvin” “why?” “So i can take off i pants?” “O-oh yeah” you give a smile while he turns around, dropping your pants still facing him you grab the jeans and slide them on.

Arvin really wanted to see you, he knows you arent shapped like these others, he wants to touch and admire you everywhere, every flaw would be his favorite part, he just needed his fingers on you. “You almsot done-“ “look?” You ask, he immediately turns around and meets your dressed body, well you didnt button your pants all the way, he smiled as he looked at you up and down “gorgeous” he licks his lips. “Havent took me on the first date” you remind him making him roll his eyes silently.

You both sat in the car, music distantly playing as he had his hand on your thigh, looking at you for some moments while you looked straight ahead. He looked again and you caught him “what?” You giggle, making him smile and blush “your like, really beautiful- i hope you believe me” you bite your lip and shrug “i dont know just yet”.

He bought you the famous pineapple upside down cake and some Bees Knees, as you guys pulled up in the drive through. “Scary movie, classic move arvin” you rolled your eyes. He only laughed as he continued to look for a spot “do like them?” “Yeah i do, which one is this?” “Only the famous Nosferatu” “cool” he chuckled as he parked his Chevrolet Bel Air in one of the best spots.

“I hope you dont think your getting me tonight” you look at him while he sios his drink, he only shrugs “you dont know” he winks. You smirk but turn away from him as you turn on the radio to the right channel, hearing the movie you grabbed a fork and took a bite out of the pineapple-cake.

About an hour in he tried his best to flirt with you. “Hey y/n” he said, you turned to him as he picked up the same fork you had and took a bite, sexually. You sucked in your lower lip to keep you from laughing as he continued to eat it and make eye contact with you. And then he wasn’t expecting it, you started cackling.

He didn’t understand why as he made sure to lick the fork clean. You were out of breath as he rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. “I-im so-sorry” you only started to laugh harder “b-but that! I cant-“ “whatever” “dont get mad at me, im sorry” you sucked in your laughs and patted his shoulder, giving a playful frown as he looked back at you with his lips tucked to the side.

“Im not mad, no need to apologize hun” “oh we’re doing pet names?” “I mean, yeah” “alright sweetcheeks” you said as he smacked his lips and couldnt fight the urge smile.

He turned off the radio and turned to you, you had your heels off showing your pretty piggies that arvin laughed at, he looked up at you and seen you smiling at him. “What?” He asks, his cheeks slowly heating up. “Youre beautiful arvin” you complement as his cheeks become scarlet. “Your too sweet” he says back, biting his lip to stop himself from grinning more “well tell me about yourself, will ya?”

“What do you wanna know?” You ask as you lean back, your lower lip popping out over your top. “Your favorite color, movie something like that?” “Well, i like F/C my favorite movie is F/M my favorite food is F/F and i love rainy and cloudy days” “how come?” “My little brother, and because they are relaxing” you sigh and give a small smile.

“Well i like red, i dont really have a favorite movie? I love my grandmas cooking so i also dont have one, but i like sunny days- even though we rarely get those” he chuckles, you place your hand on top of his “how nice” you grin.

“I-i feel so embarrassed- about in church- god” he groans. “Dont be arvin- i dont care and nobdy else does- well i dont mean it like that but you know-“ “yeah” he sighs, relaxing a bit as his legs slightly open, his elbow on the ontop of the closed window as he rested his head on his cheek.

You felt happy but sad, you dont want him to feel that way at all, nobody deserves it, not even the racists deserve it. “Look let go of it, it was a moment and you are moving on” “you say that like it was a week ago” “oh well, arvin”

“So you snuck out last night?” Cloudy asks again for clarification, you look at him annoyed but nodded. He chukcled as he shuck his head “ what?!” You ask, slapping his arm as you guys walked down to the lake for a bit.

“Dad is gonna fucking kill you, do you even like this boy?” “We went in one date! And it was nice, we actually have an emotional connection” “how much?” He asks looking at you. “We talked the whole movie through” “i swear if he-“ “calm the hell down cloudy” you giggle, he only rolls his eyes as he huffs.

“I hope you know no one is gonna be happy” “well I guess im thankful for you” you wrap your arm around his arms, holding his shoulder in your hand and rubbing it some as he chukles. “How was school by the way?” You ask suddenly, he only shrugs as he looks at his moving feet “talk to me cloud”. “I seen lenora around and stuff” “did you talk to her?” “No” you sigh as you shake your head in disappointment.

“Well get out of your comfort zone- do something” you raise your eyebrow at him, slightly annoyed. “And who are you to tell me what to do?” He says, cocking the same eyebrow. “I am your sister, your older sister- the one who-“ “changed my diapers” cloudy mocks, already knowing what you were gonna say.

“Exactly, although we might not be able to do a whole lot of things that doesnt mean we cant bend the rules just a bit, right?” You give him a small smile as he chuckles “you are the exact opposite of dad” “i know- thats why you love me so much” you giggle as you take your hand from his shoulder and start walking normally side by side.

“Hey y/n?” Cloudy asked after a few minutes of silence, he looked at you as you hummed and told him to continue,” you know how you promise me and mom that youre gonna take us out of here?” You looked at him and nodded.

“Do you ever rethink it? Or even think about leaving us?” He hesitated. “Well- i dont pray, i dont work, and i barely help anyone. So sometimes i do think about it- think about if we do get stuck here, if we dont leave and if we are gonna stay miserable” “so yes?” You nod and poke your lower lip out.

“But when you saved lenora- do you think that god seen that as a good sign for you?- like arvin is a good sign?” He asks curiously, you only shrug and bite the side of your lip. “Are you telling me your believing in god now cloud?” You ask him. “I mean- he did make this earth right?”

You stop dead in your tracks and he follows turning to you as you put your hands on his shoulders and gives them a squeeze, making cloudy groan but pay attention. “Look here- i dont care that you belive in god- but what you wont do is put faith in that god damn preacher, ya hear?” You say sternly.

You were never really serious when you talked with cloud, you had no reason to be hard or hate him. Hes your younger brother after all right? But he knew when you gave him those talks he needed to agree, he always puts faith in you and believes what you say because your really all he has.

Dad is manipulative- whatever mom said to him was because dad told her to. When you were young you barely listened so he kinda gave up on you, so when cloudy was born you took him under your wing because you utterly refused for him to be brain washed by the asshole of a dad. Why did your mother even get with your dad? Because she was desperate and vulnerable.

She killed her brother, on purpose. Your uncle is sick- was sick. He tried to touch your mom also- to all the black folks she was the prettiest girl in the small town- and your father took advantage of it. Your mother was always a free woman and doesnt like to be trapped, but as she got older she grew tired and just gave up- just listened- it meant less work for her anyway.

He nodded “yes ma’am”. You give him a weak smile as you find yourself next to the river already. You heard giggles and the water waves as pictures flashed, then a strong punch. You silently slapped your brother as you told him to get down, both crouching knowing you had to get out of there.

“I want you to go the car cloud” you whisper at him, crawling ahead and turning to the bushes, slightly getting a view of the people- of course white people.

“Im not leaving you y/n-“

Shots fired.

“Get your dumbass to to the fuckin car NOW!” You whisper yell, cloud stunned but quickly taking the keys from you and running to the car. You start crawling more and see an old man, well mid-30s with a camera around his neck and a women fixing herself- and of course a dead man bare naked with bloody coming from between his legs.

You sat there, shaking, your hand making its way up to cover your mouth, your eyes widening with shock as they started to take care of it.

Now you knew better then to report it because it only meant bad for you, but what happend- what you just saw is absolutley horrible. You only froze and continued to watch almost forgetting about cloudy, you look back at the parked cars and back at the couple your guessing- but they’ve disappeared.

You took your chance now to run back to the car, lifting your pink dress and running in those combat boots. You saw cloudy basically mesmerized- paying no attention as he just looked ahead- the keys already in and the car started as you just drove away.

Taggie! @jeyramarie

[deadandphilgames]

When you start college in 2 days and you’re freaking out🤪 No but seriously, college advice please I need help my parents didn’t go through this I’m lost

i didnt live on campus so i have no advice for that aspect of uni, but just stay on top of your work if you can, start revising earlier than you think you need to and my god dont skip lectures because once you start you wont stop.

i found that the some useful things i did was writing a list of every assessment i had that semester and putting what week they were due. it helped me plan ahead knowing that 'week 10 would be busy so i should start that assignment earlier and week 8 would be quiet so i could catch up on a missed reading that week.' basically you dont want to be caught off guard, i know its daunting having your whole semester planned in week 1, but youre gonna have to do those assignments anyways so you may as well have a plan and take it one step at a time.

also at the end of each week, starting in the very first week, i would write out a revised version of my notes from the week. it helped me a) check that i actually understood everything because once miss the basics it can be hard to catch up and b) know that when exams came around id already got study notes ready, so i could focus on doing practice questions instead of relearning everything again.

another thing is Ask for help if you need it!! the lecturers and tutors want to help you and for you to do well, just ask them if you need clarification about something. if theres no time in the lecture for questions, id write down the time at which i was confused so i could rewatch the lecture at the timestamp and see if i missed something there

good luck, its scary and overwhelming at the start, but youll find your footing <33

[wolfcrunch]

day 4 of @dekusquadweek​!

read on ao3

[ "Todoroki's a good friend - one of the best, really," Izuku hummed, ignoring the villain's gaze that cut through him in annoyance. "And a good hero, a great hero. I'm glad you didn't manage to nab him...or did you let him go on purpose?" His face felt numb, and his eyelids drooped, his concussion catching up, yet he still sounded far too chipper.

"All you need to tell me about Todoroki is his quirk, Deku."

"Hm? Ah - his quirk is great when the night is chilly, y'know? I'm actually jealous..." ]

"What...?"

Shouto blinked his eyes, swallowing against the lump in his throat, and refusing to look back at the pair. "Just...come inside, I'll explain what I can."

Iida and Uraraka were quick to follow at his words, the dual-haired boy walked back towards the welcoming doors of his father's agency. His head, still swirling with uncertainties and fear and still feeling off from what had happened earlier that...explaining what had happened again, for a second time wasn't something he was particularly looking forward to.

But Iida and Uraraka deserved it. Especially after having come this far, this late - he knew how reckless all of them were.

Don't get him wrong, Midoriya was by far the most reckless...but Iida and Uraraka and even Shouto himself weren't exactly innocent either. He was sure their entire class contributed to the grey hairs Mr. Aizawa had gained over the years.

Shouto walked carefully through the Endeavor Agency, nodding at some other sidekicks as they headed out, and instead of making the journey to his desk, turned to lead Iida and Uraraka to the small lounge area at the back of the first floor. It was a small break room - although even just sidekicks didn't get many breaks, his father was always sure that they had something to do. But they took advantage of it, whenever they had the chance.

Careful of the scrapes and bruises that littered his body, most hidden under the casual clothes he had recently changed into, he sat down on the first available sofa, sighing in relief against the soft cushioning. Iida and Uraraka also took their spots, watching their friend with apprehension.

"So, Midoriya already told you we were working on a case?" Shouto asked as clarification, and as both their nods, he continued. "It was an illegal quirk-fighting ring, or so we assumed. Shinsou's been helping us...but hasn't contacted us in a week, which is a bit concerning. This case is a bit time sensitive, and its the first big one we've done without a proper pro...I guess we jumped the gun a bit."

Shouto could remember just how quickly everything went wrong. "The area out information led us to was run down, an area with buildings set to be demolished within the next week. We thought if we didn't act now, we'd lose the one true lead we had on the headquarters - so this morning, we went in and threw caution to the wind."

Midoriya's yell of warning was the first thing Shouto's mind clung to, when he thought of how badly they'd screwed up.

"They got the jump on us - pretty heavily too. They outnumbered us about three to one, and given its a fighting ring...they were killed both with quirks and without..." Shouto stared down at his hands, hung limply in his lap. "I think Midoriya was the first one to go down...they had pretty good counters for me, so I couldn't do much," he admitted bitterly. "I don't know if they knew we were on the case...it seems like it, with how prepared they were to deal with two powerhouses."

"How did you get away...?" Uraraka asked softly.

"I didn't, they knocked me out too." Shouto huffed, exhausted. I woke up hours later, apparently they took me and dumped me in another agency's area to be found. Aoyama found me on a patrol of his, he took me back and I woke up at the agency he works in. It took a while to remember what had happened...but by that time, I had to come back here and tell Endeavor what happened. I couldn't go out looking for him."

Shouto's guilt and anger at himself washed over him, and he grasped his pant leg with a white-knuckled grip. He was here, he was fine, whilst Midoriya was still out there. What if he was hurt, or worse? He was missing, he could be dead in a ditch for all they knew.

Iida leaned back in the sofa he and Uraraka shared, his expression having deepened, and making him look as if he had aged in that moment. "What has Endeavor decided to do?"

"I think he's taking me off the case - I don't know," Shouto admitted. "He gave me a good chewing out for letting it rush to my head...Midoriya will probably get the same. I think he plans on sending some other sidekicks out who'll actually wait and listen."

"We should offer to go!"

Uraraka's declaration caught Shouto off guard, and he stared at her with wide eyes. "What...?"

"Deku's our friend," Uraraka said, getting to her feet. "And we've gotta do something--"

"Uraraka, that's...irresponsible of us," Iida words his sentence carefully. "Todoroki and Midoriya rushed ahead...and surely, Endeavor has other sidekicks more suited to the job. I'm as worried as you - but this is Endeavor's case. We're not even hired by him. He won't let us on."

"Than we can convince him!"

Shouto wanted to snort...convincing Endeavor? Surely, she was joking...but he felt a pull, as if to agree with her. Iida was looking more concerned for their shorter friend.

"Todoroki can try to convince him!" and oh, how Shouto regretted it now. "He'll listen to you, right? If you tell him how much you want to make up for your mistake..."

"Endeavor might have calmed down, but he's stubborn." Shouto shakes his head, "I doubt he'll listen if I messed up once already."

"Todoroki, please!" Her eyes were round, a fire that Shouto knew meant she wasn't going to give up that easily. "Deku wouldn't give up - he never did, he was always out there for us. Do you think he'd sit around? He'd be the first one out there looking for us, we all know that." she then turns to Iida, her next target. "And we don't have to go alone! We can call some of the others up to help, we can work together and find him, make sure he's alright! We can figure out a plan, Iida!"

Iida sighed. "Uraraka..." whilst her words left Todoroki in a halt, seriously considering it. Iida spotted the look on his face.

"Todoroki...not you too..."

If it was any other situation, maybe Todoroki would've considered just how tired Iida sounded. But he doesn't, nodding along to Uraraka, and her face brightens. "Alright, I...I'll try to convince him. Call the others...we can convince him better if we're ready. Tell them to be ready for a long day tomorrow."

Uraraka looked almost giddy, whipping her phone out and leaving to make a few calls. Iida's gaze burned into Shouto's.

"I'm going to have a midlife crisis before we turn 25."

"Sorry, Iida." Shouto knew his tone was a lie in itself, and his friend knew too.

"You're really not," Iida sighed, rubbing his face. "But, I guess there's nothing I can do except help. With our quirks combined, if you give me an hour or two I can figure something viable out. But we should get Endeavor's permission first. Ask him if its possible to get into contact with Shinsou, too...he'd be helpful."

Shouto nodded, and as soon as Uraraka came back in having informed the others they'd enlist the help of, the pair headed off for the night, Shouto promising he'd update them after he'd spoken with Endeavor.

The duel-haired sidekick wanted to say he was surprised that Endeavor had agreed, although a bit reluctantly - but maybe Endeavor was growing soft on the newest sidekicks? Maybe he knew, just how much Shouto's friends meant to him, how much Midoriya meant, how much Midoriya had helped him?

It didn't matter now...because now Shouto knew, he could find and save Midoriya. He could repay him for all the times he'd saved Shouto.

He wasn't throwing away this chance.

Don't worry, Midoriya...we'll find you.

[kumeko]

A/N: For  @momojirou-dateszine ! I got to write about the first anniversary.

Summary: It was rare that Kyoka ever managed to surprise Momo, but for their first anniversary she was going to try.

…

…

…

…

“We’re done.” Momo yawned as she stretched her arms above her head. The delicate crepes and chiffon of her dress rustled with each movement and she was grateful that the material didn’t irritate after a day of walking around in it. Unlike her feet, which were a little sore as she stood in her heels. “Though that didn’t go exactly as planned.”

 “We spent the whole day tailing him and we got nothing.” Kyoka frowned, gritting her teeth as she glared off at the mall next to them. The brightly lit building loomed over them. “Aside from his love for dragon fruit.”

 “I still can’t believe he spent all day shopping only to buy that.” Momo glanced at Kyoka, cocking her head. Aside from a few of their dates and get-togethers with friends, she didn’t spend much time in the mall. “Is that common?”

“Uh…sorta?” Kyoka scratched her cheek as she considered it. “I mean…sometimes you don’t find what you want or—no, no, we are not going to talk about a supervillain and his habits right now. What a waste of time.”

 Well, perhaps it was in terms of work—they had been spying on this villain for days now and still hadn’t found even a hint of his hideout. However, in terms of other things…well, Momo couldn’t complain at all. Next to her, Kyoka was in a jean jacket. To put it in crude terms, she looked hot and Momo shyly reached out to squeeze her hand. “It wasn’t that bad. We haven’t had a date in ages.”

 Kyoka stiffened, staring down at their intertwined fingers before quickly jerking her head away. A light dusting of red coloured her eyes as she coughed and cleared her throat. “Perfect timing, actually.”

 It was a sight she had seen many times but somehow the red on Kyoka’s cheeks and the warmth of her hand was more than enough to make her own heart beat fast. Despite how long they’d been together, Momo flushed as well, feeling more like a high school student than an adult. Tongue-tied, she mumbled, “It was a perfect date.”

 “That too,” Kyoka agreed, tugging on her left ear jack. It was an endearing and familiar motion, something she did whenever she was embarrassed and didn’t know what to say. “I can’t actually remember the last time we had one.”

 Momo’s free hand cradled her cheek, unable to refute Kyoka. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach—no, they were fine, this wasn’t an issue. They could steer back on course from here. “As important as our jobs are, we have to make time for ourselves.” Letting go, Momo dug into her purse for her planner. It was stupid, booking a date, but if Momo didn’t at least pencil something in, they’d let work take over.

 Or maybe she would just let work take over. A small wave of guilt washed over her at the thought. Between the two of them, she had been cancelling dates more often than Kyoka. Not that her girlfriend complained—at least not seriously. Kyoka teased about it sometimes, late at night when she handed Momo a steaming cup of hot chocolate after a long day. Momo feared what Kyoka hid behind her grin. Feeling the hard edge of her agenda, she yanked it out. “I think next—”

 “It’s fine.” Kyoka grabbed her wrist, stilling her actions. There was a touch of desperation in her voice. “Let’s do this later.”

 “Later?” Momo resisted the urge to clean her ears. Normally, Kyoka would be the one encouraging her. Actually, now that she thought about it, Kyoka’s earlier words didn’t make sense. “You said that too. What were you talking about?”

 “…nothing.” A grimace flashed across Kyoka’s face before she settled for an embarrassed expression. “It was just fun to be with you.”

 Normally, that was enough for Momo to drop the whole subject. Fighting the smile that threatened to take over her face, she pressed. “What did you mean?”

 “Honestly, nothing.” Kyoka let go of her wrist and Momo missed the warmth immediately. Lacing her hands behind her head, she shrugged. “Let’s wrap up and grab dinner after.”

 It was the most obvious change of subject and Momo didn’t know if she should feel insulted that her girlfriend thought it’d work. “Kyoka.”

 Ignoring her, Kyoka slowly strolled forward. “We still hafta hand in our report, right?”

 There would be no clarifications, at least not tonight.  Giving up with a sigh, Momo followed. “You mean I’ll be handing in our report.”

 “Well, your writing is neater than mine,” Kyoka answered with an impish grin. She pecked Momo’s cheek. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

 -x-

 “Where are we going?” Momo asked for the tenth time that night, trudging slowly behind Kyoka. “I know you’re hungry, but I don’t think there are any stalls in this park.” She paused, looking around. “Actually, I do not think there’s anyone here at all. Is it safe?”

 Considering the time, Kyoka should have expected how empty the park was. Small pools of light lit their way, their shadows growing and shrinking as they traversed each one. It felt eerie. Keeping her smile up to dispel her unease, she reassured, “We’re almost there.”

 “You said that already,” Momo refuted crossly. She stumbled on the uneven ground and reached out to steady herself against a tree. “It’s dark, it’s cold, and maybe we should have changed if you wanted a hike?”

 There was not a single hint of suspicion in her voice and Kyoka resisted the urge to laugh. It had been so hard erase all evidence of their anniversary, what with Momo’s planner, calendar, phone, and a host of sticky notes. Add in Momo’s amazing memory and need to plan things in advance, and it was a miracle that Kyoka had managed to keep this plan of hers a secret.

 Though, it helped that they had been overloaded with work for the past few months. Or rather, that Momo was. Without the monsters of their class here to steal scene, Momo’s innate talents as a strategist were being utilized for once. Overused, even. Kyoka was proud of her.

 And completely happy to take advantage of this rare chance to surprise her girlfriend. Looping her arm through Momo’s to steady her, Kyoka cocked her head. “Is that better?”

 “Y-yes.” Flustered by the close contact, she looked away. A hand played with the edges of her bangs as she tried to hide her red cheeks. “But I still don’t think this is a safe idea.”

 “The two of us are more than enough to take anyone on. But you’re right, next time I’ll do this in the day.” Spotting a weeping willow just ahead, she picked up the pace. “It’s on the other side of that tree.”

 “Really?” Momo tightened her grip on Kyoka as she tried to keep her balance; the path was gravellier now. “I don’t see any lights—is this another of those ‘dives’ that Kaminari keeps recommending? I don’t think it’s very reputable.”

 Despite her words, a vein of eagerness ran through her tone; with her sheltered upbringing, Momo was always curious about ‘commoner’ living. Sometimes, she was too easy to read. Kyoka shook her head, fighting down a smile. “Don’t worry, it’s there.”

 As they circled the tree, Momo squinted out into the gloom, trying to make out any figures. “If it is a food truck, I think it left—did someone leave a blanket out here?”

 Kyoka snickered as Momo’s eyes widened, taking in the sight before her. Spread out on the soft grass was checkered picnic blanket with a wicker basket on top, weighing it down. Small lamps circled the perimeter, giving enough light to make out the details. A wine bottle sat in a bucket of ice, two delicate glasses next to it, and Momo turned to her confused. “Did someone forget their picnic?”

 Despite Momo’s intelligence, she was surprisingly dense when it came to something personal. Kyoka raised a brow. “How does someone forget a picnic?”

 “They could…you?” Momo stared at her, then back at the picnic spread. Letting go of Kyoka, she reached down to pick one of the glasses. “That’s ours. When…how…”

 “I had a little help from our friends.” Kyoka scratched her cheek, pleased. It had been worth sneaking out the past two nights to arrange this—Momo’s expression was priceless. Catching a shiver run up Momo’s spine, Kyoka took off her jacket and gently laid it on her shoulders. “Happy anniversary.”

 Momo smiled softly in response, setting down the glass. She pulled the jacket around her tighter. “Thanks. Happy anni—” Snapping her jaw shut, her eyes widened as she hastily pulled out her phone. She paled as she read it. Looking back and forth between the screen and Kyoka, she stood up. “It’s our anniversary.”

 “It is.” Kyoka nodded, smiling softly. “Surprise!”

 Momo turned as white as a sheet. “I’m so sorry, I forgot, I just—” She looked at the phone again, as though the date would change if she just stared at it long enough. “I’m sorry.”

 Kyoka’s smile dropped. Shit. She should have realized earlier how Momo would take this. Before her girlfriend could flee any further, Kyoka took a step forward and wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her close. Gently, she reached up and brushed Momo’s bangs. “You have nothing to be sorry about, silly. I wanted to surprise you.”

 “Still.” Leaning her forehead on Kyoka’s shoulder, Momo spoke with a muffled voice. “I forgot. Who forgets their anniversary?”

 “Lots of people,” Kyoka reassured, stroking her back softly. “Kaminari. Deku. Kaminari. Bakugou.”

 “You said Kaminari twice.” Momo snorted, an unrefined sound. Not at all like the lady she was raised to be and Kyoka felt a surge of happiness at the realization that they were so close that they were revealing sides of each other that no one else saw. “Amazingly, Bakugou actually remembers.”

 “You’re right.” Kyoka laughed as well. “He’s actually a decent date apparently. When he isn’t burning down restaurants.”

 “…are you really okay?” Momo asked hesitantly, her hands clutching Kyoka’s shirt.

 “Mmm…well, I didn’t think you’d actually forget,” Kyoka admitted, twirling the ends of Momo’s hair around a finger. It was funny how long it took them to get comfortable like this, after knowing each other in high school and then finally dating. Going to prom together, graduating, even joining the same hero squad.

 And more than hurt, Kyoka just felt happy. Happy that they were still together after all this time, happy that they still loved each other. She’d seen enough relationships go sour to know what they could have been.

 God, she was in love and she would never ever say any of this aloud, it was too sappy. If Kaminari could see her face right now, he’d have a field day. It was bad enough she owed him for running out here and setting everything up.

 Her heart swelled and it was impossible to put this feeling into words, to make it solid, to make it concrete. To give it form and breathe life into it. Swallowing, she settled for pressing a kiss on Momo’s head. “It’s not your fault, I did try to make you forget. You plan all of our dates, and they’re perfect, but I never get a chance to do something for you.”

  “You sure?”

 “I’m sure.” Kyoka confirmed, struggling against the urge to squeeze Momo tight.

 Momo remained silent for a moment, her breathing steadying. Finally, she looked up, determination in her eyes. “Next year, I won’t forget.”

 Next year. Kyoka fought back the smile that threatened to take over her face at those two words. Next year. They would have so many anniversaries. Dates. Breakfasts and calls and it was a good thing it was dark, Kyoka didn’t want anyone to see the expression on her face. “It’s a date.”

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

And Yet, Here We Are (pt4)

One day... one day the fluff will come... but it is not this day.

More voiceless!Jaskier because I am apparently incapable of not trying to get this story out rn, apparently?

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) Now on AO3

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“We should get moving,” Geralt said, pushing himself to his feet and offering Jaskier a hand up. “Might be a job in town I can take.”

Right. Because Geralt was still a witcher, and unlike their usual travel arrangement where Jaskier could make enough money to pay his own way (and even Geralt's if money was tight and there weren't any monsters to kill), Jaskier was left relying on the handful of coins he had left and whatever Geralt had or could scrape up. Jaskier pulled in on himself, his expression going pinched, an ache spreading in his chest.

He didn't have any plans to leave Geralt, obviously, especially since the witcher had such a determination to find a way to get his voice back, but it hadn't really hit him that he didn't have much of a choice. Or that Geralt, who was despite appearances and protestations a kind and compassionate person, couldn't leave him in good conscience even if he hadn't already determined to fix things.

It didn't change anything, not really, but it rankled, to think about how few skills he had and how impossible it would be for him to survive right now if he went off on his own.

Geralt crouched across the campsite, gathering his things into his pack until he glanced up at Jaskier and frowned, his eyes searching Jaskier's face. Jaskier moved jerkily, methodically packing up what few of his possessions had been unpacked last night, not wanting to be subject to the scrutiny - or at least not to be aware of it.

"All right, Jaskier?" Geralt asked, his frown clear in his tone.

Yeah, Jaskier said instinctively, then slowly stilled, hands hanging limply at his sides. He hadn't actually tried to say anything since that first day, and the shape of the easy response in his mouth without any sound but the soft exhalation of breath...

"Jaskier?" Geralt repeated, growing concern in his voice. Jaskier waved him off without turning around, resumed his packing and tried to ignore the ache in his chest spreading and intensifying until he was surprised he was still moving and could do anything other than curl into a ball and gasp for air. He couldn't hear Geralt move for a few seconds, but then he heard the familiar sound of Geralt hoisting Roach's saddle up onto the mare's back, and Jaskier let out soft sigh. Geralt was being attentive and gentle and part of Jaskier was desperate for it. But part of him just kept thinking about how he doesn't know of anything that could undo a djinn's magic and how he was pretty sure Geralt didn't either.

They'd travelled together on and off for over a decade, but they'd always spent a few weeks here and there apart, never mind the months in the winter that Geralt would return to Kaer Morhen for whatever it was witchers did all winter. Before he found Geralt at the lake, they hadn't seen each other in nearly a month. Now Geralt had a self-imposed responsibility to fix this, and a mute and relatively helpless Jaskier who couldn't really go off on his own or be left behind for very long at a time.

How long until Geralt started to resent him, and every way he was about to seriously change Geralt's lifestyle in a way he hadn't before?

Jaskier shook himself out of that line of thought after what felt like only a few moments' thought, but must have been longer, because Roach was saddled and packed, the ashes of the fire buried, and he was standing empty-handed in front of his lute case. He couldn't tell if he'd just mindlessly continued to help striking camp or if Geralt had done it around him. He sucked in a sharp breath, and picked up the case so he wasn't left just standing there staring dumbly at it; hopefully that sort of moment wasn't going to become common in his life now.

He started to sling it over his shoulder, but Geralt's hand on his arm stopped him. He frowned up at Geralt, confused, but all the other man did was take the lute case from him, near-reverently, and then went to where Roach stood and carefully but securely lashed it to the top of their packs. Jaskier didn't know how to feel, seeing it up there instead of feeling the weight of it against his back. It was his, it was part of him as much as-- well, as much as his voice had been. Might as well be missing that as well, right?

All the same, as they returned to the road and silently began the last leg to the next town, Jaskier felt like he could breathe better without the reminder of it slung over his shoulder.

The first order of business, according to Geralt, was getting a room at the inn, then Geralt would ask around about work.

"You need paper," Geralt said as they reached the outskirts of the town - really it was barely a village from the looks of it, and Jaskier had the sinking feeling they may not have much luck on that front. "But a room and food comes first," Geralt continued. "And we don't have enough for both yet. So I'll find a lead on work, and we'll get paper after I get paid."

Jaskier had the fleeting thought that this was probably the most explicit Geralt had ever been with him about plans, and oh it only took this to get him to communicate even a little bit? But that wasn't fair - Geralt was aware that Jaskier couldn't exactly ask for more details or clarification if he was as vague or reticent as he usually was, and was trying to make up for it. It was disappointing to hear, but it wasn't like there was much to argue, or much ability he had to argue even if he wanted to. Maybe he could throw a temper-tantrum like a spoiled five-year-old and stomp his feet and refuse to move, but he could use some warm food and a drink, so instead he simply silently followed Geralt as he made his way to the one tiny inn in the village.

Jaskier was used to - when he wasn't exhausted - entering inns a few seconds ahead of Geralt with his lute already out of her case, bombastic and enthusiastic and charming. It helped set people a little bit more at ease when it came to Geralt, or at least distracted them. People had gotten a sight more accepting after "Toss a Coin to Your Witcher" had caught on, but they still got nervous, and couldn't generally said to be friendly. Coming in silently on Geralt's heels was unnerving, especially given the not especially friendly looks they got from the locals. Mostly directed at Geralt, admittedly, but a few of them looked at him with narrowed eyes, like he was suspect himself simply for being in a witcher's company. He got that look sometimes anyway, but most folk were willing to roll their eyes and let him be at least, an eccentric bard who writes fantastic songs and ballads.

It was hard to accept that he wasn't that, anymore.

"Only got one room free," the innkeeper was saying to Geralt, and Jaskier found himself nervously closing the distance between himself and Geralt under the weight of the locals' gazes.

"It's fine," Geralt said, putting some coins on the counter. "Know of anyone with my particular kind of problem?"

"Not I," she responded, sweeping the coins into her pocket and retrieving a key, heading to the stairs to show them to their room. "Tanner just got back from the next town over. Bigger there, got a manor house and all. He might've heard something."

"Appreciate it," Geralt rumbled, and the innkeeper unlocked one of two doors at the top of the stairs. Jaskier smiled gratefully at her at she stepped back to let them enter. Jaskier entered the small room, clean at least, and set his bag and lute down at the foot of the bed. "Can my friend get some food and an ale when he comes down?"

"Sure," she said easily, pocketing another coin as Jaskier turned around. "Just cold sliced chicken sandwiches until supper's cooked, but the bread's fresh."

"Fine," Geralt said, then added as the innkeeper turned to leave, "Thank you." He was clearly working to be more polite, if nothing else, and Jaskier wondered if it was because he felt self-conscious without Jaskier able to be charming and polite, or if he was worried that Jaskier would have trouble if he was too grumpy. Jaskier wasn't sure he wouldn't have trouble anyway, but no point going down that particular road.

Geralt didn't bother to close the door, just checked the straps of his swords, probably more out of habit than an expectation of running into trouble. Or at least, Jaskier hoped so. "I'll go see the tanner," he said. "Let you know if I get any good leads. Might head to the next town if it's close enough and it sounds worthwhile." Jaskier grimaced, thinking about the couple of days minimum that would take, and it didn't sound like he planned to take Jaskier with him. Geralt pressed his lips together. "It's cheaper to keep a room here," he explained. "And probably safer. Just stick to the village proper. I'll let you know if I find anything before I go anywhere."

Jaskier sighed and rubbed his face with a hand. He understood the request to stay inside the village, since he didn't have much in the way of combat abilities, and now he couldn't even shout for help should something happen. And of course Geralt would assume something would happen - in his defense, they often did when he was around. Jaskier had gotten through a lot of his life that Geralt was not around for with a minimum of issues or near-death experiences, but he wasn't interested in tempting fate either.

"I know," Geralt said, voice softening from his business voice to something sympathetic and gentle. "You shouldn't have to be confined even that much. I'm just--"

Jaskier waved him off, exasperated. There was no need for Geralt to explain, especially sounding so much like he cared. Which obviously he did, Jaskier knew he was about the closest thing he had to a friend outside the witchers themselves, but his voice going soft like that just made Jaskier hope too much.

"All right," Geralt relented. "Go eat something. Be back soon one way or another."

Jaskier waited until Geralt had turned and had started down the stairs before he flopped back onto the bed, letting it support him as he convinced himself it was a good idea to go downstairs and get the food and drink Geralt had already paid for. The bed wasn't the nicest, but it was softer than his bedroll, and he was already feeling exhausted somehow despite only walking for a few hours and not doing anything. Maybe he could just sleep until Geralt got back. Then he wouldn't have to think about... well, any of it.

It was tempting, and he almost gave in to the desire, but the door was open and Geralt had paid for the food already and would probably fuss if he hadn't eaten yet when he got back from his search for rumors of paying monster hunting jobs. Jaskier would've groaned as he sat up and pushed himself to his feet, if he could've, and made his way downstairs reluctantly.

"Ah," the innkeeper said when she saw him at the bottom of the stairs. "You get yourself a seat, I'll have food right over for you, lad." Jaskier thought privately that the innkeeper didn't look that much older than him, probably barely 40, but just nodded and found the unoccupied table the closest to being in a corner to tuck himself up in, a ways away from other patrons, who all seemed to be sizing him up.

A few seconds of subdued conversation passed before one of men called out, "'Ey, boy!" Jaskier glanced up despite himself. At least he only looked curious and a little... hopeful? "You that bard what travels 'round with the White Wolf?" Ah. They were hoping for a performance, and Jaskier couldn't breathe, wanted to claw his skin off and disappear. Everything was wrong, and people knew what he looked like, or at least what Geralt looked like, and--

"Oh, leave the boy alone," the innkeeper scolded as she came over with a plate and a mug. "Even if he were, he'd let you know if he were in the mood to play for your stingy arse." The man grumbled, but turned back to his drink, and Jaskier gave the woman a crooked grateful smile that he hoped expressed how much he didn't want to have to answer that question. "You never mind them," she said. "Nosy lot, but they don't mean no harm. You need anything else, dear?" Jaskier shook his head, and she hesitated for a moment, maybe wondering why he hadn't said anything since he walked in, but turned without asking, stopping by the curious man's table to scold him further in a whisper.

Whatever conclusion she'd come to about why he was so quiet, Jaskier decided he liked her quite a lot.

He was done with the sandwich and halfway through his ale when Geralt came striding back in and scanned the room until his eyes landed on Jaskier. As purposeful as he seemed making his way to the table, Jaskier could only guess he'd gotten a good lead.

"Next town over has a wraith," Geralt said gruffly, and Jaskier nodded in understanding. Geralt took his coin purse off his belt and pushed it over to Jaskier. "Should only be a couple days, four at the most." He hesitated, like he wanted to say something more, but laughter broke out at a nearby table and apparently reminded him that they weren't alone in the woods. Jaskier wondered what he'd wanted to say. Instead, Geralt just clapped him on the shoulder, then turned and walked out of the inn.

Jaskier swallowed hard, facing the prospect of a silent few days alone in this village he didn't even know the name of, praying to any god that would listen that Geralt would be all right and come back. He tossed back the rest of his ale and grabbed the coin purse as he stood and made a beeline for the stairs.

"Everything all right, luv?" the innkeeper asked, apparently concerned, and he managed a tight smile and a nod. He didn't want to be down there anymore, with people who might ask questions, even just to be friendly. He didn't want to risk gossip about him showing up with Geralt leading to more questions about whether or not he was 'that bard'.

He closed and locked the door, then flopped face-down on the bed. This was fine. He was not a wilting flower, he was better than this. He wasn't going to get mobbed for not being able to speak, and anyone who was curious about him would probably feel too awkward to bother him once it was clear he couldn't answer. But he still couldn't stand the thought. At least Geralt knew him, and could guess more or less what he was feeling, if not what he was thinking.

Jaskier kicked his boots off, then pulled the pillow to his chest and curled around it, suddenly wishing for Geralt's solid warmth at his back, keeping him grounded, making him feel safe and like things might eventually be okay again. Instead, he felt like he was bleeding out of his body, turning into mist that could be blown away with the slightest breeze.

He didn't move for a long time after that.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) Now on AO3

[sorceress-coffee]

Becoming Pt. 1

AO3 Becoming Pt. 1

Fantastical adventure, heroes, villains, magic, and more tore through River’s mind as she sat in the family room of the Lake house. This was a life River could only dream of while growing up. She always felt a connection to fantasy novels and movies, opting to read or watch those in favor of any other genre. The book she currently read was one of Arthurian legends, one of River’s top rereads in fact. Just as she began to skim over the section where Arthur pulls Excalibur from the stone, a crash from upstairs sends her reeling back to reality. She carefully marked her page, depositing the book in her bag and Jim came racing down the stairs.

“Morning,” Jim grumbled out, still half asleep.

River laughed and began helping with their daily chores. “You alright there Jimbo? Did the raccoons keep you up again?” She asked as they made sure the house was picked up.

Jim smiled, finally waking up when he began cooking, “Nope, just needed to get in the kitchen. Not everyone can run on coffee alone.” He teased, gesturing to River’s cup, and the half-empty pot of coffee from that morning. “You do realize you’re going to crash one of these days with how little you sleep.”

River shrugged packing the lunches as they were finished, setting one in the fridge with a note on it for their mom. “I drink coffee because I like the taste, I sleep when I’m tired, and I wake up before my alarm. I can’t help it if I don’t need as much sleep.” She poured the rest of the coffee into a thermos and placed it on the tray Jim was working on for their mom.

Jim smiled, finishing up a note. “Alright, alright. But if mom asks, you only made half a pot.” He teased, causing River to roll her eyes. “I’m taking this up, mom has work tonight. Ready to go?” He asked as he walked up the stairs.

River grabbed their bags, following to the foot of the stairs, “I got everything together, I’ll grab the bikes. Meet you in front.” Heading to the garage, River opened the door, wheeling out both bikes. Putting on her helmet she let out a groan seeing the trash cans. “Seriously?”

Jim ran out, grabbing his helmet quickly, pausing seeing the cans as well. “The raccoons! They were out last night!”

Huffing, both teens quickly picked everything up. As they finally got the lids on the cans, a stout teen rolls up on his bike, grinning at the two. “Morning Jimbo! Morning River! Ready to head out?” Toby asked, bouncing from one leg to the other, looking at his watch. River waving a silent greeting in response. “Sure thing Tobes, but first,” Jim smirks, handing Toby one of the packed lunches.

River shook her head, smiling as the two began to argue over Toby’s lunch. “If you two don’t hurry we’ll be late. Again.” She began to ride off ahead of the boys, hearing two distinct yelps as they realized the time.

“It’s already 8!” Toby shouted as he and Jim quickly caught up to River on their bikes. “We’re gonna be late, on account of meatloaf!”

“River lets take the canals! It’ll cut off 5 minutes!” Jim yelled towards River’s back as they quickly turned onto a dirt path, Toby complained behind them as they sped up.

River picked up speed and hit a jump, soaring into the canal easily. Landing near a pile of rocks, she turned to watch for the boys, making sure they made it down safely. As Jim landed in the canal after his own jump, the pile of rocks began to glow. “James… Lake” and ethereal voice calls out, causing both River and Jim to jump, heads snapping to lock at the rocks.

“Did that… just talk?” Jim asked, getting off his bike to investigate the rocks.

River quickly followed, drawn in by the light emanating from the pile. “I think it said your name…” She and Jim began to pull the rocks away as Toby joined them.

“What’s that? A pile of K-Spar?” He asked, picking up some of the rocks they had moved.

Jim and Toby began arguing when the light spoke again. “JAMES LAKE!” It seemed to yell. The light reflecting off River’s eyes as they finally dug out what appeared to be an amulet.

Jim quickly pulled the Amulet from the rubble, holding it to his ear, trying to get it to talk again. A shrill ring causing all three teens to jump back. “The first bell, we have to go!” River yelped as she stepped on a rock Toby had moved, causing her to fall back on to the pile, wincing. “You two go ahead!” She yelled to the boys already on their bikes. Jim and Toby nodded, rushing off to school, knowing River could catch up. She sighed, carefully getting up and heading to her bike when a low voice catches her attention.

“It chose a human!” The voice gasped. River quickly turned her attention to the drain grate, watching the darkness for a moment, waiting to see if the voice would speak again. A second shrill bell sent her into action, jumping on her biking and taking off for the school, deciding to worry about it later.

Once River finally made it to her first class she collapsed in her chair, feeling exhausted for the first time in a while. Her teacher just smiled, knowing River and Jim’s living situation, their mom had to work odd hours as a doctor, she chose not to mention the tardiness.

River pulled out her sketchbook and began drawing the amulet they found that morning, along with some of the more oddly shaped rocks she had sifted through. By the time she registered the bell, she had several pages filled with the amulet and what looked like strange beasts taking shape from the rock sketches.

River met up with Jim and Toby on their way to Senor Uhl’s class, “Has it talked again?” She asked Jim, glancing at the pocket he slipped the Amulet in earlier.

“Nothing yet, though I really hope it doesn’t start talking in class. The last thing I need is detention cause of a talking toy/” Jim sighed, slipping into the classroom and heading for his desk.

“Toy?” River asked, looking to Toby for clarification.

Toby shrugged walking in with River, heading to the back where her desk was set up for grading that day. “I spent most of Strickler’s class looking up what it could be. All we got so far are plush toys. Though most were brightly colored and heart-shaped.” He explained before taking his own seat.

River hummed, thinking over whether or not the Amulet was just another toy… a very person-specific toy, having called out Jim’s name, but a toy none the less. During Senor Uhl’s class, as the teacher’s assistant, River was elbow deep in grading quizzes from the past week when she stopped on Mary’s quiz. Tilting her head slightly and squinting at the words scrawled across the page, River tried to decipher the sentence Mary had constructed. She concluded that what was supposed to be a simple page describing animals, turned into a jumble of Google translate, disregarding all rules for sentence structure and tenses. Not the first fail River gave that day, but definitely the worst.

When the bell rang River waited for Eli and waved after Jim and Toby as they heading in opposite directions. “Morning Eli,” she greeted simply as they headed to Chemistry.

“Morning River! Any new art pieces for the show?” Eli asked, knowing how excited River was for the upcoming art show the school was holding. He loved going through her sketches and seeing all the fantastical creatures she constructed.

River shrugged, a small smile pulling at her lips. They quickly sat at their lab table, waiting for the bell. “Here, they’re just rough sketches, but I haven’t been able to stop drawing them, in fact, your quiz may have a doodle or two when you get it back.” She laughed, pulling out the sketchbook and handing it to Eli.

Eli quickly began going through the sketches, pausing at a couple of alien sketches in the front that he convinced River to draw. Once he got to this morning’s sketches, he almost dropped the book, eye going wide.

River frowned at the reaction. Eli’s never reacted like this to any of her pieces before. “Are they… That bad?” She hesitantly asked, not wanting to put him on the spot.

Eli quickly shook his head, “No! They’re amazing it’s just…” He paused, stopping on a sketch of what looked like a horned beast wearing armor. “This morning, I saw these things.” He pointed to the sketch.

River frowned, staring at the sketching, whispering as class started, “You mean the pile of rocks?”

Eli shook his head, tapping the sketch, “Not the monster, it looked like it was made of rock, there was another one, and I think they were fighting.” He explained, barely able to keep his voice down.

River quickly slipped the sketchbook back into her bag, opting to ask Eli about it later as they had to move on to the lab portion of the class.

During her Medieval History class with Strickler, River zoned out. Sketching more of the beast in armor, wondering if the other one Eli saw looked similar. Strickler paused at her desk, glancing at the sketches. “Miss Wyllt,” he addressed playing with his pen. “Earlier, your cousin was falling asleep in my class, and now you are sleep-drawing through it?” He asked, tapping the sketchbook.

River jolted, quickly putting the book away, “Sorry Mr. Strickler.” She tried to focus on the lectured after that. All she really wrote down was something about a bridge.

Later during trigonometry, Eli began to explain more about the monsters he saw to River. “I saw them in the canal this morning! There was a lot of yelling, lights, and smoke! After that, all I could see was the pile of rocks. I wonder what happened to them.”

A snarl from behind Eli and River drew their attention. Both glanced back to Steve Palchuck, glaring at Eli. “Monsters? Really? Why are you wasting your time with stuff like that?” He sneered.

River rolled her eyes, intent on ignoring Steve, she faces forward again, glancing to Eli as they let the conversation drop. She hoped to get more answers after school.

During gym class, River was with Toby on the ropes, trying to explain how to climb them. Once halfway up, she glanced back down to see Toby struggling but trying to copy how she climbed. River smiled and finished her climb, hitting the bell as Coach Lawrence began yelling at Toby, who was now hanging upside down by his ankle.

River let out a sigh, sliding halfway down before jumping to Toby’s side of the mat, trying to untangle his foot.

“Everyone here should be able to climb this rope and hit that bell!” Coach yelled at Toby.

River huffed, glancing at him, “Coach, at least he’s trying. You can’t say that about half the kids here.” She grumbled.

Coach Lawrence snapped his head to River, nostrils flaring as he yells “I want everyone here made of iron! IRON!”

River leveled him with a deadpan stare, “If we were made of solely iron, none of use could climb the rope. If you account for the same body shape and not weight. I mean, can the teachers even do it?” She snarked, finally getting Toby’s foot free.

When Toby hit the mat, all he could do was stare at River in disbelief. Shocked she could say something like that so easily to a teacher, let alone Coach Lawrence.

“You want another week of detention Wyllt?” Coach asked, crossing his arms.

River’s eyes went wide, her own words finally sinking in. “I just meant… Like Mr. Strickler, I don’t think you could pay him to climb the ropes in here.” She rambled out quickly, mentally apologizing to Strickler.

Coach began to laugh, “Alright, alright! I’ll give you that one! Class! Hit the lockers!” He yelled wrapping up the lesson.

River sighed in relief, helping Toby up quickly. “We will never speak of this again.”

Toby burst into laughter, trying to keep up as they head to the locker rooms.

River glanced around, catching Jim talking to Claire and her friends before running off with Toby. As she finished changing, Claire, Mary, and Darci wondered into the locker room, Mary’s laughter catching her attention immediately.

“River!” She yelled, throwing her arm around River’s shoulders. Gasping between laughs, she finally had enough air to from a sentence. “You should’ve seen it! Your cousin tried talking to Claire in Spanish!” She all but screamed in River’s ear.

River sighed, shrugging off Mary’s arm. “That’s funny because…?” She trailed off, waiting for one of the girls to explain.

Claire sighed at Mary’s behavior, “Mar! It’s not that funny.” She frowned, looking to River.

Mary’s laughter finally subsided, “Not funny? He couldn’t even get a full sentence out! I’m pretty sure he said something about eggs too!” She snickered, trying not to burst out laughing again.

Darci winced, glancing at River, “Mary, seriously. It’s not funny.”

River’s jaw tensed as she ground her teeth. “Eggs?” She asked, her voice on the edge of a snarl. “I wouldn’t comment on other people’s competency regarding the Spanish language Mary. You couldn’t even write huevos properly on your last quiz.”

Mary’s quickly turned, glaring at River before leaning back on her locker with a smirk. “You know, for a model senior, you’re really just a bitch. No wonder you only hang around Jim, Dumbzalski, and Pepperjack.” She sneered back.

River snapped, pulling her fist back quickly, she let go, slamming it into the locker next to Mary’s head, eyes never leaving Mary’s. Mary flinched; eyes locked on River’s arm.

“Mary!” Darci and Claire both yelled, shocked at what their friend said, and worried due to River’s reaction.

River pulled back, rolling her eyes at the girls. “Mary, keep in mind that I’m not a model senior, and I have no problem getting in trouble defending Jim or my friends. Claire,” she paused, turning to gesture at the flyer for the school play. “You asked Jim?”

Claire nodded slowly, snapping her attention from the slight dent of the locker to River, “Um, yeah… we’re having trouble getting guys to audition.” She explained, nervously crumpling the edges of the flyer.

River tilted her head in thought before nodding. “I’ll talk to him, might actually get him to show up.” She stated, grabbing her bag and heading off. Claire shook her head before yelling after River, “Uh, thanks! That would help!”

Smirking as she finds Toby and Jim by the bikes, she shoulders Jim to get to her bike. “Talked to Claire, she’s asking for you to try out for the play.” Jim winced as they began walking towards the school exit. “I seriously doubt that.”

River smirks, eyeing him for a moment, “Told her I’d get you to go, she was very happy about that.” She teased.

Jim snapped his head to her, “Really?” He asked, pausing as they find Steve and his friends talking to a locker.

Steve was leaning on the locker next to Eli’s laughing, “Tell me again! What did the monsters look like?” River’s lips curled back into a snarl. “Eli,” was all she said and she went to move.

Toby’s arm quickly snapped out in front of her, “Are you crazy? If Steve is busy with Eli, he won’t have a reason to attack us!” He squeaked out as River’s glare was shifted to him.

Jim moved instantly as River was held back, “You could let him out now.” He fixed Steve with a wavering glare.

“Or what?” Steve snapped, grabbing Jim by the collar. “You gonna do something about it Lake?” He snarled. Fist pulling back to strike.

River ran past Toby seeing Steve move to Strike. Grabbing onto his arm tightly. “Let go.” She ground out. Steve hesitated as River’s grip tightened.

Jim’s worried glanced shifted to River before he began to ramble, “Okay! Do it!” He yelled at Steve.

Steve and River’s attention snapped back to Jim, “You’re asking for a beating?” Steve asked.

“Hit me, but in 40 years, you’ll be fat and bald, and Eli will have a career in computer software and be a billionaire.” Jim stood to his full height, causing Steve to stumble back.

Toby, finally getting over that Steve will not be leaving his friends alone this year, began yelling for him to let Eli out of the locker. Students that had gathered to see the possible fight began to chant along with Toby.

“Palchuck!” Coach Lawrence’s voice cut through, causing Steve to drop Jim instantly. “What’s going on out here?” He continued to yell from the locker rooms. Steve quickly opened the locker Eli was in. “Nothing sir, Eli here got stuck. Just helping him out.”

“You’re late for practice. On the double!” Coach yelled heading into the locker room again.

Steve turned on Jim, getting into his face with a sneer. “Friday, noon. You, me.” He smirked walking backward to the lockers. “Tick-tock” he waved his finger at Jim, grinning like an idiot before disappearing into the locker rooms.

River rolled her eyes, easily opening Eli’s locker. Having had to memorize the combination due to past instances of Steve or Steve’s friends shoving him into said locker.

Eli toppled out, thanking Jim and River from the ground. River sighed, helping him up before promising to hang out later, needing to head home with Jim and Toby. “Did you see that?!” Toby yelled for the 14th time on their way home. “Let him out! Let him out!” He began his chant all over again as River and Jim laughed, letting him have his moment.

River and Jim paused as their mom’s car pulled up. “Hi mom” River smiled when the window rolled down.

“Hi, sweetie! Hi boys!” Dr. Lake greeted the teens, smiling. “It’s going to be a long night, don’t wait up for me.”

Jim smiled, shoving something into his pocket. “Alright, did you remember your” he began to ask.

Dr. Lake pulled out the bag with the mom note on it. “Dinner, I’ve got in.”

River giggled, seeing Jim’s constant lecturing starting up. “Don’t forget to find an oven mom.”

Jim huffed, pouting a bit at his cousin before turning back to their mom. “Nuking it in the microwave takes out all the nutrients,” He defended.

“Wouldn’t you two rather do anything else than spend time taking care of me?” Dr. Lake asked smiling at them.

“Can’t think of a thing.” Jim grinned.

“Not a single one,” River smiled.

“Love you both, have a good night!” Dr. Lake smiled before heading off to work.

The three teens parted ways. River and Jim heading into the house quickly. Jim pulled out the Amulet, trying to get it to talk. Eventually threatening to put it up for sale on eBay.

“So, we’ve come to threats?” River asked, laughing before a loud crash came from the basement. She and Jim glanced at each other before slowly heading down into the basement, turning the light on. “See anything yet?” River asked, grabbing a baseball bat.

“Not yet. Could be raccoons.” Jim replied. Turning to go further into the basement, the light behind them shattered, causing both teens to yelp and slam into one another, back to back.

Jim glanced to his right and screamed seeing movement, trying to hit what he saw.

River spun around quickly before bursting into laughter as she watches Jim attack a mirror. “Your… Your reflection!” She wheezes out, slowly calming down. Jim blushed, stopping his attack on the mirror.

“Shut up…” He trailed off, eyes staring past River, going wide. After calming down, River tilts her head at Jim’s expression, turning around to see what has him freaking out.

A tall and large creature, consisting of blue stone, six yellow eyes, four arms, and what appeared to be overalls was looming over River. Its face broke into a grin as it all but pounced on them. “Master Jim! Lady River!”

River yelped, putting herself between Jim and the creature. Jim scrambling back into another creature. This one was grey with green fur and towered over the blue creature. It picked Jim up by the ankle as he continued to scream. “It’s Arrrgh. Three Rs.” The creature, now known as Arrrgh, explained to a shaking, upside down Jim.

River turn, pointing the bat at Arrrgh, trying to appear the least bit threatening. “Put him down!”

The blue creature went to Arrrgh’s side, getting him to set Jim on the ground. “Where are my manners? I am known as Blinky. As my friend has stated, he is Arrrgh. “Master Jim, you have been chosen! The Amulet of Daylight challenges you to ascend to the most sacred of offices.”

“Orifices? What orifices?” Arrrgh asks, mishearing Blinky.

“Offices.” Blink repeats, one hand pointing up while explaining to Arrrgh, “It means responsibility.” He quickly looks between Jim and River as he begins to explain again. “Unbeknownst to your kind, there is a secret world, a vast civilization of trolls lurking beneath your very feet, hidden from view.” “Trolls?” River asks, glancing between the trolls and Jim.

“Trolls. Yes, Trolls. And it is now your charge to protect them. For you, Master Jim, are the Trollhunter.” Blinky states happily as Jim chokes hearing this. Arrrgh gestures down towards Jim, smiling “Trollhunter.”

“This honor is yours to accept. So, what say you?” Blinky asks, his four hands grasped in excitement.

Jim choked again, eyes rolling into the back of his head as he collapses. River rushing forward grabs Jim in time to keep him from hitting his head. “Well… it looks like your uh… Trollhunter passed out…” She shifted Jim onto her back, Arrrgh helping her adjust him so she can stand. “I’m just going to take him upstairs.”

Blinky studies her for a moment, “I know you don’t have the overwhelmingly joyous discovery of becoming the Trollhunter like Master Jim, but if this is his reaction, how have you not ‘passed out’?” He asked her, prodding at River’s arms curiously in a studious fashion.

“If Jim wasn’t here, I probably would have passed out on sight, but someone has to look out for him… Look he’s going to be out for the night, maybe you two should come back for his answer later?” River asked, hoping that being polite would get the trolls out of the house quicker, if Jim woke up there’s no telling how freaked he would be.

“Excellent idea Lady River!” Blinky clapped the shoulder Jim wasn’t resting on. “We will be back for Master Jim’s answer soon. Come Arrrgh, we must prepare for Master Jim’s training!” Blinky escorted Aaarrrgghh out of the house quickly.

River carefully brought Jim up to the couch. Settling him down before locking all the doors and windows, making sure no other Trolls would show up. Laying down on the second couch in the sitting room, River glanced at Jim’s sleeping figure. “The things I put up with for you.” She sighed before letting herself fall asleep. During school the day after Blinky and Arrrgh broke into the Lake house, Jim was an anxious mess. At lunch, River dropped her tray in front of him, leveling him with her patented ‘You messed up,’ look.

Jim groaned seeing the look, “What?”

“Maybe you should talk to someone who doesn’t have a drill in their mouth. Someone that said to stop by his office if we ever needed to talk?” River suggested referring to Jim’s yelling waking her up way too early while he was trying to talk to Toby.

“What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, Mr. Strickler? Guess who came over last night offering me a job? Trolls!’ Do you want me committed?” Jim asked. River only shrugged in response. He groaned getting up, “Fine, I’ll think of a way to tell him that won’t get me committed. See you there soon if it doesn’t work.” He waved back to her as he headed for Strickler’s office. She shook her head and continued with lunch; the day seemed to drag on after the events of last night.

Once they made it home, River sat outside in the backyard with Jim as he looked over the amulet. “So, thinking about their offer?” She asked. Jim shrugged, reading the etched writing that glowed on the Amulet.

Jim slowly read the words out loud “For the glory of Merlin, Daylight is mine to command.” After he spoke the wind picked up around them. Looking around River noticed that gravity seemed to break as heavy rocks began to float, their bags sitting next to her were in the air, and Jim hovered holding the Amulet. She watched as glowing orbs exit the Amulet, flying around the yard before shooting off into Jim’s chest. A bright flash blinding her for a moment before Jim lands with a heavy thud. As the light fades, River bursts into laughter seeing Jim in a suit of armor far too big for him. After a moment the armor began to shifting until it fits Jim perfectly. A second flash of light and a sword appears in his right hand. He swings the sword testing it out a before it gets stuck in a rock. This caused River to burst out laughing again. As he frees the sword from the rock he tilts back slightly too far and the sword tips back out of his hand and gets stuck in a second rock. River was laying back in the grass, laughing so hard that she began to tear up. Once Jim finally frees the sword and holds it up, she calmed down enough to ask him “So, is that a yes?”

[justjessame]

Dr. Tali Sullivan Chapter 3:  Help Comes at a Price, But Who’s Paying?

I sat back on the couch. Drying my eyes and waiting for Dean to explain. I’d moved away from him. Comfort or not, I couldn’t stand how much he smelled like John. It hurt. Like feeling like he was here when he would NEVER be here again.

“Before you tell me about Sam,” I swallowed and swiped my face with another tissue, catching the remaining leaking. “Where did you-”

Dean shot me a look and realized what I wanted to know. He looked uncomfortable. “We buried his tags at the same cemetery where Mom is.” I nodded, that made sense. “I’m sorry, Tali, if I’d known Dad hadn’t-”

I shook my head. “It’s fine.” It wasn’t, but dwelling on it didn’t help. Wouldn’t help. “Now what about Sam.”

He explained and I listened to what he’d learned, not only from John’s warning, but since that day in the hospital. “Dad said that I had to watch out for Sam and take care of him.” I nodded, Dean had done that from the moment that Mary had died. “To save him.” Wait, from what? “And if I couldn’t,” he swallowed hard and he looked like he’d gone green in the gills. “He wants me to kill Sam, Tali. Dad wanted me to know that if I can’t save my baby brother from whatever the hell Dad thinks he needs saving from, I have to kill him.” SHIT.

Damn it John. “He didn’t give you any idea of what you needed to save Sam from, at all?” Dean looked pained. “What did Sam say to all this?” I’d never seen Dean with pinched lips before, but now I could mark it off my bucket list. “You haven’t told him.” Shit. Fuck. “You have to.”

“No, Tali,” Dean started to argue.

“Dean Winchester,” He stopped. “Your father was the MASTER of lack of communication, and I get that you have taken hero worship of him to an obscene level,” he raised an eyebrow and started to speak, but I held up my hand. “Don’t pick this trait to mimic, Dean. Don’t do it.” He closed his mouth and studied me. “I will never know how your dad might have felt-” that punch of pain in my chest that would always accompany the regret of that knowledge. “About me. I never got to say goodbye, or tell him-” I swallowed back another flash of pain. “Don’t do that to Sam. The two of you, the ONE constant the two of you have always had, is one another. Don’t keep it from him, don’t carry the burden alone. John, your dad, carried so much pain and guilt and look at how much he missed.” I was blinking back tears again.

“Tali,” he tried to reach for my hand, but I stood up. “Dad, before he told me about Sam, he-” I looked down at him and knew. John had managed to make a bit of peace with Dean. “He told me he was proud of me. He told me not to be scared.” I snorted and Dean looked up at me in surprise.

“I’m sorry.” I offered, still blinking back my tears. “I’m glad John finally told you that he was proud, but that was a shit thing, telling you NOT to be scared and then telling you that killing Sam might become a reality for you.” Fucking John Winchester, one step forward, four steps back. “Don’t become him, Dean.” It hurt to say it. To put into words the pain I felt over the loss of him, yet the absolute certainty that he could have saved so much fucking pain if he’d just opened up more to the people he really did love. “Don’t lock it down and put the hunt ahead of everything. FEEL. Tell people how you feel. Tell them goodbye like it’s the last time you’ll ever see them or speak to them, and for God’s sake, if you love someone, don’t leave it unsaid.”

 Dean left before darkness fell. He’d had a call from Sam, who I learned was getting premonitions now. He only left after I promised to answer his calls. And before he walked away, he said goodbye. He hugged me tight and promised me to check in. To let me know what he’d learned, and begged for me to find something, anything to help him save Sammy.

I got better at pushing the grief down. I became more animated during my classes, and I started researching ANYTHING that John might have meant when he gave Dean that cryptic fucking warning. I researched the Yellowed Eyed Demon, finding out more about Azazel, Ramiel, Dagon, and Asmodeus. They are higher tier demons, known for yellow eyes and their rank as Princes of Hell (well, Dagon was a ‘Princess of Hell’ I suppose, since she was female). Lucifer himself had a hand in their turning. That type of power, coupled with the extra information I managed to drag out of Dean about what he’d gone through prior to John’s death. The power of this demon, the ability to act as a deal maker, and yet flinch off the other ways that most demons get cornered in. Shit.

When the phone rang after my class, I didn’t have to look at the ID to know it was Dean. It was around the same damn time he called every damn day. “Hello, Dean.” I answered, walking toward my house. “How’s the case?”

“Ever hear of Croatoan?” I’m fine, Dean, thanks for asking. “Because for fuck’s sake, Tali, I feel like I’m in the middle of a damn Romero movie.”

“Zombies? What do zombies have to do with the lost colony of Roanoke?” I asked, shifting my messenger bag so it balanced out better during my short walk home. “I thought you were in Oregon?”

“Pretty damn sure they aren’t fucking zombies, but they’re definitely not normal.” He grunted and I heard a strange noise in the background of his call. “Sam caught sight of the word of ‘Croatoan’ carved in a telephone pole.” Bit by bit, that was Dean. Like pulling damn teeth sometimes. “Dad’s journal mentioned a demon associated with the name.”

“The plague and pestilence one.” I nodded, pulling out my keys as I walked up my walkway. “Makes sense,” I shrugged, I didn’t find the need to research demons that had been beaten into the ground by academia. “Tell me what you’re dealing with so I can work my head around what you’ve got.” He did as I walked inside the house, carefully navigating my salt line and flipping on lights after locking the door behind me. I dropped my bag on the couch and headed toward the kitchen as I listened to Dean’s report. “Yeah, that sounds like demonic germ warfare.”

“Do you have any idea of what we should do?” He asked, and I had to close my eyes against the similarities between the gruffness of his voice and John’s.

“Yeah, leave.” I heard him inhale. “Roanoke DISAPPEARED Dean. No one has any information on what the hell happened. Other than the demon’s name. No way to exorcise it or how it infects or works its bad mojo. There’s no fix for this.” I sighed, feeling useless. “Keep the blood of the infected from any of your bodily openings, and DON’T let them wound you to give you a new entrance for the infection.” I poured myself a glass of juice. “Sorry, Winchester, but this one is pretty much a blank page for me.”

“Shit.” Dean growled. “The entire town?”

I gasped. “They’re ALL infected?” Shit was right.

“No, but, enough.”

I closed my eyes and felt like a hand was gripping my heart and twisting. “Get out. Get Sam and leave. Now.” I opened my eyes and put down the glass of juice feeling nauseated. “Seriously. Leave.”

“I’ll call you later, Tali. Goodbye, sweetheart.” Damn it. Damn you, Dean Winchester, using my fucking words against me.

“You’d better fucking call, Dean. Bye.” He hit ‘end’ first and I sat down hard at my kitchen table. The Winchester men would be the literal fucking death of me.

  It was the early morning, and by early I mean pre-sunrise, when my cell rang. I groped for it on the nightstand where it was charging, finally hitting ‘answer’ before it could go to voicemail.

“What?” I was groggy. I was tired and I was scared. No good ever fucking came from an early as fuck phone call.

I heard a chuckle and rolled my eyes. “I promised, Tali.” Damn it, Dean. “We made it out, I wanted to let you know, so you wouldn’t worry.”

“Ugh.” I pulled the phone away from my face to try to focus on the time showing. “It’s two o’clock in the fucking morning, Dean.” I sat up and managed to figure out how to flick on the lamp. Blinking against the minimal, yet fucking bright light, I groaned and yawned. “I only finally passed out an hour ago.” Shit, fuck.

Another quiet laugh. “I wanted to hear your voice.” Um, no. We will NOT be doing that. He sighed. “Tali, I had to hear your voice and KNOW we made it.” Ah, thank God for that clarification. “I told him.”

I squinted. He told him? Him who? Him what? “You told him?” An hour of sleep after HOURS of worry and fear didn’t help my mental processes.

“Sam.” Ah, I waited. “I told him what Dad told me.” I swallowed and let the silence grow. “He’s-”

“Confused, upset?” I answered, coming awake a bit more. “It’s understandable.”

“Yeah,” Dean sounded tired. “I should let you get back to sleep, Tali. Goodnight.”

“Night, Dean.” I swallowed against the pain of knowing that I shouldn’t feel this much for the two of them. The fear and worry. I was nothing to them. Nothing at all, passing acquaintances from childhood, that was all. “Let me know-”

“I’ll call you tomorrow, sweetheart.” That word again. “Night.”

The call ended and I sat there, in the dim light of one bedside lamp, staring at my phone and wishing like hell that I could talk to John one fucking last time.

[emptymanuscript]

The BEST Writing TED Talk

I happened to bring up Simon Sinek’s TED Talk, Start With Why, earlier today. And then ran into this, which is an edited down version, from 18 to just 5 minutes (and that’s including the TED intro). So, it seemed worth sharing again.

Though why do I say this is the best writing video when it’s obviously not about writing. Is the part about writing a book in the 18 minute version? No. That’s mostly clarification and more examples, which is the same as his book by the same name. All about business but I still recommend it for writing. Not the business of writing but the act of creative writing itself.

One of the most valuable creative writing exercises I ever got was given to me by Joshua Kane when I was briefly interned with him back in 1996. A constant problem had come up, one which most writers struggle with: that I wasn’t working. Plenty of ideas. Plenty of things I wanted to do. At that age I was ahead of the game in terms of what I knew about writing. And it didn’t make a lick of difference because you can’t do anything with nothing. 

So Josh asked me, “Why do you write?” 

And yes, even though Sinek hadn’t made this TED talk yet or written his book(s) or anything, Josh was referring to this sort of Why.

Everybody knows WHAT they write. You spit it out. And if the most important thing is people kissing, WHAT you write is a Romance. If it’s starships or neural data jacks, it’s science fiction. If there are trees and magic it’s fantasy. If there are alleys and magic it’s URBAN fantasy. OOoooh. 

How we write is more complicated. There isn’t a right answer. It’s individual. There are definite trends among vast swaths of writers. There are conflicting yet overlapping philosophies. And as William Goldman famously said, “Nobody knows anything.” We just have a lot of ‘educated’ guesses. This part actually obesses me. I would say in all honesty that this is what my Master’s Degree in the Teaching and Practice of Creative Writing is really in. They are both aspects of HOW we get from the desire, ‘I want to write a story,’ to having the object of WHAT, the product as described by Sinek: the written story. 

But notice something. We’re not getting from WHY to HOW in the way we usually talk about writing. We start with: I want to write a story with a certain feature. People tend to start there and go straight into HOW until they have WHAT they believe they wanted and then they try to sell it. And it works ok. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that if it is working for you. 

The issue, always, is what happens when it’s not working. When I, spent months on end vaguely polishing one turd I had written and doing no other writing and so I had pretty much like 12 pages in 12 months to show for my writing for the year. Fine if I want it to be my hobby. Not fine if I want to be a writer in some kind of career fashion. Which I did. Which was why I had Jewish bullied™️ Josh into taking me on as an intern. (Don’t feel too sorry for him, he grew up in a Jewish family too, he could’ve fought that guilt if he wanted.)

And Josh, being a professional a few years senior to me, wasn’t having it. As far as he was concerned - and him being one of the people who taught me, I agree - that’s not how to be a writer. You have to produce. And so he dug up the old saw from Frank Norris: You, EM, “Don’t like to write, but like having written.”

What a stab in the heart. 

And then he asked what actually makes me like to write. Not the finished product that everybody wants and almost no one produces, that’s the result, but the thing that makes me want to take the action of producing. WHY do you write? 

‘Is it because you value being an intellectual and are insecure about it and need something that will indisputably prove to EVERYBODY that you’ve got the chops.’ Which is kinda both going right for the jugular and pretty accurate so I started to nod and he cuts me off. “You can’t have that one. I came up with that one. It’s mine now. You have to come up with your own.” 

‘Is it because you were bullied in school and you hate all of them and you want revenge for the rest of eternitiy by putting them in fiction and doing worse to them?” And you know that kinda sounded pretty good to me, too, so I’m tipping my head forward when he shakes his and cuts me off. “No, you can’t have that one. It’s mine now. You have to come up with yours. You can’t have mine.” 

And there were other equally as insightful, painful, and annoying statements. As much as Josh pissed me off that time in New York, that question has proven one of the most valuable bits of writing work I’ve ever done. And as frustrating as it was, it was worth the insight. Because Josh was right. As Sinek mentions in the video, the answer is more emotional that logical. It’s something deep down and hard to just whip out and have at hand. It’s fuzzy, which is why everyone avoids it or takes a cheap and easy answer. Too much work and if you haven’t done it, it’s hard to see the value. 

It took me YEARS to answer that question. Must have been about 7. Now I work profoundly slowly, so probably better to think of those as dog years. It doesn’t have to take you years or even many months but an easy answer is probably the wrong answer, so it is going to take you more than a day or a weekend unless you are exceptionally self aware in the way that most writers just aren’t because it tends to interfere with the process. And, I will say, that although I got close to the answer, I finally FOUND it more than figured it out.

Because this is something that is fairly deep into the preverbal area, it can be easier to see in reflection. Instead of you evoking it in yourself, the stars align and someone does something that you can see the reaction in yourself to and attach to, figuring it out for yourself. 

I’ve had that happen fairly intensely twice. The other time was my then girlfriend and I giving mutual friends relationship “counseling” to try and help them with what they knew. And in the moment of them getting it right, it reflected back on us, strongly enough that the other couple noticed, and i proposed about a week later. Although hard to put into words, I felt the reflection through them of WHY I wanted to marry my partner. And while I can describe it and label it and what have you, that emotion, that profound feeling of connection about how we both viewed the world was a deep emotion, a thing personally felt to a degree that words will never quite capture it correctly. That’s why you can’t use mine. My words can’t be your emotions.

Because when I tell you that my reason for WHY I write is, STORY TIME™️ those are just words. They are a short hand to describe a feeling, evoked by a series of events, that I recognize as what initiates me into the flow state. The words are so poorly matched that they are almost a lie, it’s just the best I have. Because, in 2003ish, having thought about the problem without actual resolution for many years I found it. Or it was given to me. Or I finally figured out the missing piece of the puzzle. However you want to phrase it. My friends and I were out for ice cream. We were at a concrete bench off away from everything and I was standing while the others sat for whatever reason. I don’t remember what we were talking about but something came up where I knew something about somebody involved. And I asked if they had heard about them. Lots of shakes of the head and I took deep breath to tell them. And it happened. 

There was this charge. A way of them settling down and getting comfortable. If you wanna be new agey, I felt this connection to everyone as their focus simultaneously went to their comfort and to me. It was all of us slotting into this well worn groove of common pleasurable repetition where we all knew and liked how we fit. 

And I’m all, “What was that??” and everybody laughs a little. and Findingsherlock, who got me onto tumblr in the first place, explained that they were getting comfortable because they knew it was about to get good because when I started to tell them something it was... and there Findingsherlock shrugged for lack of a better word and said: STORY TIME™️. And for me that was it. I knew it. Balls to bones as they say. That when all that shit and complication of life is peeled back, what motivates me is this precision amalgam of emotion that sits somewhere between 1) interconnecting with people 2) entertaining people so they WANT to pay attention to me 3) proving I know something you don’t - intellectuallism is a harsh thing in my family of origin - and then giving it to you as a one, two punch of self esteem boost 4) being able to observe positive reaction to me and manipulate emotions to get you to react in the positive way I want with my words 5) just flat out making you like me and being with me because of what I say.

And... none of that’s actually right. It’s just as close as I can get in words and thinking about it. It’s the feeling down under there that I would seriously make pacts with dark gods and start killing people to get. The way people talk about heroin is strangely accurate to how I would describe my dealings with STORY TIME™️, sometimes it is so euphorically amazing that selling your soul and killing your whole family to live there sounds like a great deal. Sometimes it is this bitter absence where you will just chase it even as you would rather go on a killing rampage than deal with this anymore. In fact that was a significant part of my first time in the mental hospital, I started saying that I would rather cut my hands off than keep writing, and I kept writing, and I started using knives to threaten self harm, and I kept writing. Because it has you. Whatever it is that would be your equivalent of story time, once you know it, and once you write to it, you might go painfully slow. I started planning the Knights of Day in 2006, it’s my main project in life, I have not yet finished book 2. My longest breaks have been my stays in the mental hospital. So, it’s a thing. I’m slow. But I know it and I work with it, and giving it up... can’t do it. 

BECAUSE, I know WHY I write. Because of that, everything I do in the production of my writing is fulfilling WHY I write. HOW I do things is done in order to enable WHY. WHAT I write is chosen because it fulfills my WHY. It’s a streamlined process down. And knowing it as well as I do. My ideas pop up following my WHY. I’ve trained myself to think this way. And it’s not hard because it is a self reenforcing systme. What I keep are things that feel good enough that I want to pursue them and can’t stop thinking about them. Plus it just keeps extending out. 

Oh, and STORY TIME™️ is mine. You can’t have it ;p

[find-the-eyes]

I’ll Try Anything Once: Chapter 16

Written by: ss, Sol Edited by: Allegra

Alex and Nick were spending a quiet Thursday night at their flat. Alex was sitting on the couch on his laptop while Nick laid in the guest bed with Steckrübe, just relaxing and thinking. After the amazing experience he had had at their first band practice the day before, Nick felt energized for the first time in a very long while. He pulled out his dusty school supplies from the bottom of his bag and opened one of the music theory books.

Nick slowly peeled open the sticky pages of the music theory book. He almost winced from guilt, realizing how much of the school year he had missed due to his time spent in the abandoned prison. I earned this education, I should be taking advantage of it, Nick sighed to himself. He had become re-energized by the jam session the day before, and wanted to return to his classes so he could learn more.

That newly rekindled enthusiasm, he had found, was quickly diminished as he opened to the first chapter of the book. He understood the letters, but not the words. He couldn’t even get past the chapter opener. The As and the Os and the Es danced across the page, none of the words making any sense at all. Nick bit his lip in concentration, his brows now deeply furrowed. He reread the bold titles on the top of the page. As he kept trying to comprehend what the letters were telling him, he grew more and more frustrated. As Nick was preparing to shut his book and never open it again, a noise in the hallway interrupted him.

From his slightly ajar bedroom door he saw Alex walking to his—no, their—kitchen. The gears in Nick’s head were whirring— slowly, but whirring nonetheless. He stood in the doorway, trying to decide if he should approach Alex or not. Nick saw a chance when Alex finally sat back down on the couch with a cup of tea.

“Hey,” Alex greeted first. He moved his legs away to make room for Nick to sit with him. Nick sat down gingerly, not wanting to sit too close to Alex, despite their nightly cuddles.

“I want to study,” Nick said in a faint voice.

“Oh? That’s great!” Alex replied happily.

“Yeah, um,” Nick looked down, fingers idly rubbing the edges of his copy of Alfred’s Essentials. “I don’t really...I can’t...”

Alex waited patiently for Nick to finish his sentence. Nick’s already faint voice was faltering.

“I can’t… read.”

“Not at all?”

“Not very well. It’s hard for me.”

“Oh,” was all that Alex said. He was silent for a moment before bluntly asking Nick the question that had immediately popped into his head. “How did you get through school?”

“I tried. Very hard.” Nick was still looking down. “Barely made it.” It had always taken him a great amount of time to finish all of his work, and ever since he enrolled to a university that was more practice rather than theory he hadn’t done much reading. To top it off, the increasing stress he’d been experiencing lately didn’t help at all. He took a deep breath before finally asking Alex the big question. “Can you read it to me?”

“Of course!” Alex eagerly responded. Nick lifted his gaze to meet Alex’s, feeling hopeful about his studies once more. Alex took the book from Nick’s lap, scanning the cover.

“Alright, let’s study some music theory.” Alex closed his laptop and set it down on the coffee table. Nick tried to make himself comfortable by hugging a pillow and folding his legs up. His grip on the pillow tightened as he tried to contain his excitement over the fact that Alex was kind enough to read to him. Alex cleared his throat before he read aloud.

“Lesson one, The Staff, Notes, and Pitches.”

Oh, so that’s what it says, Nick thought to himself.

“Music is written on a staff of five lines and the four spaces in bet—”

Nick raised his voice. “I know.” Alex abruptly stopped, a bit surprised that the usually quiet Nick had cut him off. “I know about the staff.”

Alex nodded. “Alright...we can go ahead to the next chapter, then?” Nick nodded in response. After flipping several pages Alex started again.

“Note values—”

“Maybe not that one,” Nick interjected again. Alex stopped midway through his sentence, his mouth hanging open. He was slightly amused at how different Nick was acting when it came to music.

“You already know about this one?” Alex asked again. Nick nodded. Alex was not an expert in music theory, but he knew the basics. He went back to the table of contents page, his finger skimming through the chapter titles, trying to look for something that didn’t sound familiar. “Alright, how about Time Signatures?”

Nick shook his head.

“Is that a No, I Don’t Know or a No, I Already Know?”

Nick looked a bit puzzled at Alex’s question, wide blue eyes looking up in thought, before finally answering, “No, I Already Know.”

“Okay...How about Repeat Signs?” When Nick finally nodded, Alex almost cheered in relief. As Alex flipped the pages to the Repeat Signs chapter he said, “You know so much already, Nick, you almost don’t need to study.”

“I still want to..” Nick replied quietly, secretly happy at the comment Alex had made. He tried to hide his smile behind the pillow he was hugging. He hugged it even tighter when he noticed Alex scooting closer to him.

“Here, let’s look at it together.” Alex had put the book on his lap, slightly angling it towards Nick. When their shoulders pressed together, Nick held his breath. Alex didn’t seem to notice as he started to read again. “Two dots placed before the double bar indicates a Repeat Sign...”

As Alex read more to him, Nick started to feel more at ease. His voice was soothing to hear and the warmth radiating from their close proximity made Nick comfortable. His mind wandered back to their cuddling sessions again, which made Nick yearn for them. But he felt like making Alex read to him for the night had been enough, so he settled on hugging the pillow tightly, desperately wishing it was the man beside him.

“Are you going back to class tomorrow?” Alex asked after he finished the chapter and shut the book.

Nick nodded, looking up at Alex.

“Is that alright? You haven’t been to class in a while...will you be okay on your own?”

Nick only chewed his bottom lip in response. Alex had a point, but he was dead set on continuing his education. He nodded, “I’ll try.”

Alex smiled. “I’ll walk with you, if you want.” Nick’s face brightened and he nodded again.

“Maybe you should talk to your professors about your situation and explain that you don’t act like this because you’re on drugs or something.” Alex suggested, leaning back against the couch.

“Act like…” Nick needed a clarification.

“You know...hiding from people. Not answering when you’re spoken to. Compulsively stealing. Not being able to read. I’m just saying, it’s a little weird, you know?”

Nick winced at Alex’s blunt comment. Without saying a word he suddenly dropped the pillow down and got up from the couch. He grabbed his book from Alex’s lap and retreated back to his room, Steckrübe following close behind him.

Alex stared on in shock. It took a moment for him to register what had happened - what he had said. Even though he was used to Nick’s unavailability during active conversations, the sudden absence really caught him off guard. Alex wondered if his words were taken too seriously.

-

His words were heard. And Nick took them to heart. The next morning, Alex made good on his promise to walk Nick to class. Nick hadn’t said a word to Alex all morning and had barely even made eye contact with him. Alex found this unusual. Nick was normally quiet and not very expressive, so it was often hard to discern how he was feeling - but something felt off. Even though several possible reasons about his friend’s odd behavior were thrown around in Alex’s mind, never once did he think that it was his comment that caused Nick to behave differently.

“Call if you need anything, alright?” Alex still managed to give Nick a smile as they reached the entrance, thinking that things would eventually go back to normal. Nick nodded, looking a bit paler than usual and a tad more shaky. “You’re going to be just fine,” Alex reassured Nick before watching him disappear through the door. I hope.

Alex met up with Bob midway during his walk and they continued along their path to school together. Bob was unusually quiet that morning as well, seemingly only focused on his steps to school. Alex didn’t know if he was just still iffy from the way Nick behaved or everyone seemed to be off today, but he tried not to think of it any further. As they entered their life drawing class, they were greeted by someone familiar but definitely not appreciated.

“Your hot model friend didn’t come along this time?” Dino leaned against the door frame, his hand firmly on a pocket of his jacket which was, in fact, wiggling. Bob tried not to cringe.

“Leave your rat at home, you creep.” Alex didn’t mean to snap, but perhaps the not so positive atmosphere was starting to rub off on him.

“Rats,” Dino corrected him as he put his free hand on his other pocket.

Alex tried to ignore Dino instead, not wanting to foul the unfavorable mood already, and pulled Bob closer to him. As they walked past Dino, Alex muttered under his breath, “God, I’m so glad it’s only rats in those pockets.”

Bob grimaced. “I’m just glad it’s actual rats and he’s not referring to something else.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

As they sat down in their seats, Bob looked up at Alex, thinking about how he had kissed him the other day. Alex didn’t seem to mind it; actually, he seemed to be a bit more affectionate with him because of it, judging by how Alex had pulled Bob close when they tried to avoid Dino. It was a simple gesture, but it had made Bob’s heart thump. Bob’s fingers twitched. He wished that he could draw Alex for the class, examining his sharp jawline and brilliant blue-green eyes.

“I think I have to go pick Nick up after class,” Alex sighed, breaking the silence and what seem to be Bob’s train of thought. The rose tinted glass had slowly faded away.

“Oh, he’s back in school now?”

“Yeah, he went back today. I just don’t want him running back to the abandoned prison or hiding somewhere new. I don’t think he’s too comfortable in my flat yet.”

Bob nodded nonchalantly, but on the inside, the love he felt for Alex disappeared just as fast as it had bloomed just a few moments ago. There was something in its way, and that something was Nick. The jealousy from the other day reared its ugly head again. In the spur of the moment, he decided he had to distract Alex from saying anything more about him, and distract himself from his feelings for Alex.

“That Dino guy, though…” Bob laughed to himself.

“Oh, yeah, what happened with him and Paul?”

“Went out. Apparently… did some shit. Funny business.” Bob kept his eyes down, embarrassed about the subject matter.

Alex laughed and nearly slammed his head on the desk. “Aw, come on, you’re an adult, you can say they had sex.”

Bob chuckled softly, but winced inside. The thought of Paul being intimate with someone who wasn’t him suddenly made him want to curl up in a ball and hide. Topped off with the fact that it was very clear that Alex truly cared about Nick, Bob wished the ground would swallow him completely.

“Paul hated it,” Bob added. “He never wants to see Dino again, I think.” The jealousy had gripped him tightly now, controlling his words before he could even stop it. Bob didn’t even know if that was the truth, but he hoped it was.  

“Does he?” Alex considered. Bob nodded, fingers crossed that Paul really did dislike Dino’s sexual advances. “That’s good to hear,” Alex added. He immediately paused to himself, surprised at how smug he was knowing that his friend had a horrible date. Alex tried to excuse it with the fact that Dino was a shady guy, but put in perspective he actually felt bad that Paul might not have had a good time.

They sat in silence for a few minutes until class started. Bob’s urge to draw Alex was still strong. As he drew the model for that day, he snuck glances at Alex and traced out his face shape on the next page. If Alex was fine with a kiss, why wouldn’t he like to be drawn in Bob’s sketchbook? Bob finally dropped his attention from the model and began sketching Alex instead. Bob was so focused on trying to replicate his definition of a beautiful man in his sketchbook that he didn’t realize that class had ended, and as soon as he packed up his things, Alex placed a firm hand on his shoulder and dragged him away immediately. He felt his heart beginning to race as Alex tightly held his hand.

“Alex, what are we hurrying for?” Bob asked quietly. Alex only shushed him as they rounded a corner and ducked behind a doorway. They watched as Dino passed by, not even looking their way. Hopefully, he just didn’t notice them.

“Okay, Dino’s gone. Let’s go.” Bob only nodded at Alex’s explanation. He was a bit disappointed that it was merely just to avoid Dino, but Bob noted the way Alex’s grip still lingered.

“Want to come with me to get Nick? Maybe we could all go to lunch after,” Alex suggested, still holding Bob’s shoulder as they hid behind the doorway.

“No, thanks,” Bob said softly, wanting Alex to be all his and not wanting to see Nick until the next jam session.

“Why’s that?”

“Paul’s home and I want to see him,” Bob made up an excuse.

“You could just invite him to lunch?”

“Oh, no, I have a giant project due tomorrow for my…” Bob hesitated, “environmentally conscious sculpting class.”

“That sounds… interesting. See you tomorrow, then?” Alex let go of Bob’s shoulder. Bob almost regretted making that excuse, as he immediately yearned for Alex’s touch. But he did what he had to do.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow,” Bob said to Alex, who had turned his back to Bob and was walking towards the music school before Bob could even finish.

[insideanarmymind]

Remembering Sunday - Part Three

I   II   IV  V  VI

Lovelies, i understand i haven’t been properly updating and i apologize therefore i made this part extra long! I hope you enjoy it. 

"Excuse me, I'm what?" Those were the first words that came out of my mouth until a flashback flooded my mind. It was one of the nights when Yoongi stayed late in his studio  and I went to go visit him. Him being in one of his moods of not wanting to leave his studio until he has finished what he was currently working on. Yet, I didn’t want to leave because I was in one of my own moods so I climbed onto his lap and then…

That was little over two whole months ago, I can't be. I mentally try to remember when was my last period and I audibly gasp.

I feel Sungmin's hand on my back rubbing circles on my back, "It seems that you are currently ten weeks pregnant, you are still in the first trimester so there are still options for you take if you feel like you are not ready for the child. Which you, of course, have to speak about it with the father," Dr. Lee expands as she refers to Sungmin as the father.

"Oh, I'm just a close friend of hers," Sungmin clarifies as I'm still looking at a poster of the wall.

Dr. Lee nods, "I understand that this is a lot of information to take in, Ms. Y/L/N.  As you may know since you have been in Korea for a while, terminating a pregnancy is illegal but adoption is acceptable. Most pregnant women know they are pregnant after only a few weeks, but you didn’t which is completely fine. Yet, you have missed out on a lot of appointments with an obstetrician which are very important for you and the baby's health. I will go ahead and assign a very successful obstetrician for you and he will contact you once I give him your information. If you are interested with going the adoption route then your OB-GYN will give you more insight about that."

Throughout that whole speech I kept my head down trying so hard to wrap my head around this new life-changing information. But I try to still listen to Dr. Lee, it didn’t work out. Oh well, I know Sungmin is listening for me.

"Ms. Y/L/N?" I turn to Dr. Lee finally giving her my undivided attention now, "I get you might be scared and freaking out, but just know that there are people around you that care about you." She points towards Sungmin, "They will help you in any way possible, I don’t know the whole story about your pregnancy but here is a little advice from one mother to another. There is a living being inside you, now matter what you will do everything in your power to protect him/her. Listen to your instincts, if you feel like something is wrong and you need to correct it for your child then do it. Don't doubt yourself, as I have seen you are one intellectual person so I know you will do whatever you feel right is for your baby."

I couldn’t help but start crying after hearing her advise for me, Sungmin hugs me close to him and continues with the back rubbing, "You know that Connor and I will always be here for you no matter what. But you better make us the baby's god parents, just saying." With me still crying, I couldn’t resist the laugh that leaves my mouth as I hear what he just said.

"Thank you for everything, both of you," I was able to reply as I try to wipe my tears away.

After leaving the Health Center, Sungmin and I left to go back home. Sungmin thankfully didn’t push me to talk about it. When arriving to the house, I went straight to my bed, acting like if I hide from the world. My problems will magically disappear.

Sungmin came into my room to leave me an apple and some water, "I asked Dr. Lee about how you haven't really eaten much for the past couple of days since you basically throw up everything you eat. She says that she was like that too but eating apples helped her. I wont push you to eat it but if you want it, it will be right here."

He left the stuff on my bedside table and gave me a kiss on top of my head, "I will be downstairs probably watching a movie but if you need me just let me know.” 

Taking one step towards the door, I stay looking towards the window as I say "I need you." Not needing any more clarification, he climbs onto my bed and pulls into him as I start to sob into his chest.

Connor and Sungmin do not know anything about Yoongi, they just know I left my old place and needed a new place to stay so they opened up their house to me. I met Connor first though, a week after the breakup I trapped myself in the library every day when I had free time. He saw me reading The Book Thief and started a conversation with me about it since it was one of his favorite books, as well. If it weren't for Connor I would be going through this by myself but thankfully he was able to find the courage to talk to me.

"I used to live with my boyfriend for three years, it would have been four year a couple of weeks ago." I start opening up to Sungmin, "If only, he didn’t break up with me about a month or so ago. It hit me pretty hard, especially since he told me that he didn’t love me anymore. But I would like to think I'm a strong woman so I sucked it up and put my life back together without him or his friends or anything dealing with him in my life. I guess that has to change now." I'm still crying hard so most of this came out slowly and sloppily but I believe Sungmin is able to understand everything because his hold on me became tighter but not tight enough to hurt me. 

He replies, "You don't have to involve him, if you don't want to."

I start to shake my head but then I realize I'm kind of laying on his chest so there is no point, "I can't not tell him, its his child as well. He needs to make a decision about him/her as well. Don’t get me wrong, Sungmin. My ex was a good person he just-" I take a breath to steady myself "he just didn’t love me anymore. He didn’t cheat and he never treated me horribly. I have to tell him."

"Okay, I respect your decision. Just know, I will always be there for you in whatever you want. I know you need to decide if you want to keep the baby or not, I will back you up in whatever you decide. We'll make my office that I never use into a nursery and I, along with Connor, will spoil the hell out of the kid. The kid will never miss out on a thing because we will all be there for them." Sungmin reassures me, as I finally stop crying.

"Thank you, Sungmin. I know Connor and you will do anything for me, I am so thankful to know you both. I haven't decided on anything but tomorrow morning I'm going to meet with the father, to figure it out." I reply, getting up from my laying spot and reach out for the apple.

"Do you want me or Connor to go with you?" He asks as he gives me a concerned look.

I look into his eyes as I honestly answer, "I have to do this on my own, Sungmin. I hope you can understand."

At that point, we hear the front door open and slam shut as someone runs up the stairs toward my room. "Oh thank god!" Connor exclaims as he tries to catch his breath.

Once he is able to breath without heaving he practically scolds us, "I told you both to text me after your visit but did anyone text me? No, so guess how my day went. That's right, kids, it went horrible because I was so worried for my best friend that did not let me know what had happened. So I kept googling up what could possibly was wrong with you and you can just imagine how that went. I became a mess because I thought the worse for you. But then I became angry because my boyfriend and best friend couldn’t do this one thing that I asked so kindly-" 

"I'm ten weeks pregnant," I cut him off because knowing Connor, he will go off for hours and I do not want to hear him rant for hours. I rub my stomach to further prove my confession.

"What?" Connor's eyes went so wide that would normally made me laugh but with seriousness of the situation I stopped myself.

I launched into the explanation that I gave to Sungmin earlier to Connor but going into more detail of my and Yoongi's relationship. But never letting slip the name of Yoongi or what he does for a living because they might figure out exactly who he is which I don’t want it to be known by them just yet. After the explanation, Connor gave me the same reassurance that Sungmin gave me and it just melted my heart knowing that these two people will care for me unconditionally.

I   II   IV  V  VI

[introvertwisdom]

How to Voice Your Opinion in the Workplace as an Introvert

Introvert Wisdom – Empowering Introverts. How to Voice Your Opinion in the Workplace as an Introvert

How to Voice Your Opinion in the Workplace as an Introvert

As an introvert, it can be difficult to voice your opinion in the workplace. You might feel that you're too shy or a little intimidated by some of your colleagues who are more outspoken than you. But speaking up is important!

It's not about being loud and dominating conversations- there are lots of different ways to share your thoughts with others without feeling like you have to shout over them.

These 13 strategies will help you become a more confident speaker who has a positive influence on their work environment.

Table Of Contents

1. Find a time and place to voice your opinion

2. Speak up in meetings

3. Be assertive when you disagree with someone's idea

4. Voice your opinion on social media channels like Twitter or Facebook

5. Get involved in office-wide initiatives

6. Share your thoughts about company policies and procedures that affect you personally

7. Write down your ideas for new projects, processes, or products before the meeting starts so that people know what they're getting into from the start

8. Use humor to make people laugh while still making an important point

9. Stay alert during meetings and conference calls - no one should have to do all the talking

10. Ask for clarification if you don't understand a point being made

11. Wait until the end of a meeting or conversation to voice your opinion

12. Don't interrupt when someone else is speaking

13. Practice saying what you want in your head before you say it out loud

Final thoughts

1. Find a time and place to voice your opinion

Sometimes it's better to share your thoughts with one person at a time or in an environment where you feel safe, like during break times when everyone is chatting together.

If there are group meetings going on, make sure that they're well-structured so that each person has the chance to speak.

A good way to know when it's appropriate for you to speak up is to learn how your colleagues behave in meetings.

As an introvert, you might be able to tell that someone else has something important they want to add but isn't getting a chance.

That would be the right time and place for them! But if everyone speaks up without waiting their turn, you'll need to be patient and wait for the right moment.

You don't want to interrupt someone who is talking or force your opinion on others when they're not ready to take it in!

Make sure that people give each other time to share what's important before jumping in with something of your own.

If you're in a meeting where people are talking over one another, you can wait for them to finish and offer the idea that's been on your mind.

2. Speak up in meetings

Your opinion matters! Make your voice heard by speaking up in meetings.

If you're not sure what to say, don't worry- here are a few phrases that might come in handy:

"I think it's important for us to remember ..." or "What I'm hearing is..." or "My point of view is ..."

If you're worried that what you have to say won't be heard because it's not important or the way is too long, think of a few points and then summarize them.

Keep your voice steady- don't change pitch so much that people can't understand what you're saying.

And stay in one place! If possible, try not to walk around while you're talking.

3. Be assertive when you disagree with someone's idea

It might be hard to speak up when you disagree with someone, but it's better than just staying silent.

If other people talk over you or interrupt what you're saying, don't give up- stay calm, and keep on trying!

Don't let anyone intimidate or ridicule your opinion; if they do so then that shows their immaturity and you should have no problem standing up for yourself.

If someone is too loud or dominating the conversation, just wait until they finish their thought- if it's not about something that needs immediate attention then don't interrupt!

It can be difficult to speak your mind when people are being rude but keep in mind that this person won't change their behavior.

It might be a good idea to find another way of dealing with this person- like talking privately or finding someone more supportive in the workplace.

If you're not sure how assertive you can be, think about what your goal is and whether an introverted approach would work best for that situation!

4. Voice your opinion on social media channels like Twitter or Facebook

People might not listen to you in the workplace, but they could be more receptive on social media.

If your opinion is being ignored or it's too risky for you to speak up at work then share what you want to say online!

It can be easier than speaking up in person because people are less likely to get defensive and there won't be any awkward silences.

Get your voice heard and don't let anyone hold you back from expressing what's on your mind- it could make a difference for other introverts in the workplace too.

5. Get involved in office-wide initiatives

The best way to have your voice heard is by getting involved in office-wide initiatives.

This includes things like focus groups, brainstorming sessions, or any other activities that are sponsored and endorsed by the company.

If you're not sure how these meetings work then try asking a colleague for help!

It's important to show initiative so that your opinion will be taken into consideration.

If you have a great idea or point of view, don't worry about taking charge- as an introvert, it's important to show that you're not afraid and can offer something valuable to the company!

Don't be afraid of speaking up at these meetings because they are specifically designed for everyone to speak their minds.

6. Share your thoughts about company policies and procedures that affect you personally

If you have a problem with company policies or procedures, then speak up!

It can be hard to get your voice heard if the person who's in charge of making decisions is someone that everyone else likes.

Still, it's important for them to know what people are thinking and feeling- even if they don't change anything immediately, they might think about it the next time they revise a policy.

Just make sure that you're respectful- don't accuse them of being ignorant or demand things because it's not their job to make concessions for everyone!

Keep your argument short and sweet and remind yourself why this is important to you; if it's too difficult then try talking to someone who you trust.

If they're too busy to listen or don't want to hear what you have to say then try a few other people in the company, but remember that not everyone is going to agree with your opinion because this isn't always an issue for them personally.

It can take some time and effort- there's no need to give up!

7. Write down your ideas for new projects, processes, or products before the meeting starts so that people know what they're getting into from the start

If you're not sure how to voice your opinion in a meeting then it's best to speak up before the discussion starts.

Find out who will be at this meeting and try sending them an email or message about what they need to know ahead of time so that they don't interrupt with unproductive comments during the meeting.

This is a good way to prepare for a meeting because it means that everything will go smoothly.

If you're not sure what you want to say then write down the points or ideas that are important so that it's easier to share your opinion in those tense moments!

It can be difficult speaking up when everyone else is talking- if they don't listen then try to summarize what you've said and ask them if they have any questions.

It might be easier for introverts because there won't be any long pauses or awkward stares when talking in a meeting- but it's important not to avoid these moments!

If this still feels too difficult, take some time to practice your argument before the meeting starts.

8. Use humor to make people laugh while still making an important point

You can still make your point while using humor- it will help people remember what you said, and they'll probably appreciate that you took the time to think about their feelings.

It's important not to take yourself too seriously sometimes because introversion doesn't mean that we're all serious robots!

Just be sure to use a sense of humor that's appropriate for the situation- don't say something offensive or hurtful just to make people laugh.

It might be best not to use jokes in a meeting because it can be hard for introverts to tell if someone is really laughing with you or at you!

But sometimes humor is important, so try to take a deep breath and laugh with your coworkers to show that you're not afraid of this meeting.

If it still feels like a stressful situation then try talking to someone who's known for being funny before the meeting starts- they might have some good ideas about how introverts can engagingly make their points

It's important not to give up because this is a skill that you can learn, and it will help with the meetings in your future.

9. Stay alert during meetings and conference calls - no one should have to do all the talking

It can be hard to stay alert during meetings because introverts need a lot of time alone, but it's important not to tune out because this might mean that you're inattentive.

Don't just listen passively- it will help if you ask questions or paraphrase what the speaker is saying so they know that you were listening.

You can also take notes during the meeting- this is a good way to follow up on what was said and find out if there's anything that you missed.

It might be hard for introverts to participate in meetings because they like fewer people, but it's important not to give up!

If it feels too difficult then practice your argument before the meeting starts so that you can be confident about what you're saying.

It's also important to have a voice when it's time for your opinion, and introverts need to use this opportunity!

If someone doesn't listen then try summarizing what they said and ask them if they have any questions- or just share your opinion in a different way because it's not that important to argue.

10. Ask for clarification if you don't understand a point being made

It's important to ask for clarification if you don't understand a point being made because it will help with the meeting.

Sometimes people need time to put thoughts together or they might have forgotten what they wanted to say, so try asking them questions about their opinion again and see how that goes!

If this still doesn't make sense then it might be best to ask for an email or phone call after the meeting.

11. Wait until the end of a meeting or conversation to voice your opinion

Another thing you can try to voice your opinion is to wait until the end of a meeting or conversation.

It's important not to interrupt because it can be rude or disrespectful, and this will make people think you didn't care about what they were saying.

This way your opinion won't be forgotten- someone else might have wanted to say something before the meeting is over!

Even if there are a lot of other people at the meeting, it's important not to be afraid of your opinion.

12. Don't interrupt when someone else is speaking

If someone is speaking and you need to interrupt them, then it's important not to be impolite.

It's important not to interrupt when someone else is speaking unless they're not making any sense or you need to correct them on something important- otherwise you'll be rude and this will make people think that introverts are uninterested in what others have to say!

13. Practice saying what you want in your head before you say it out loud

It can be hard to speak up when you're not used to it, but there are some ways that introverts can prepare themselves.

One thing is practicing what you want to say in your head before you actually say it out loud- this way if something comes out wrong then at least it was only inside your head!

Another good thing to do is practicing in front of a mirror- this will help you see what your body language looks like and how others might react to it.

A handy tip for saying something out loud when introverts are feeling nervous or anxious about speaking up is that they can try taking deep breaths before they say anything, even if the person doesn't ask them to.

This will keep introverts calm and they can focus on what they're saying instead of feeling nervous or anxious about speaking up in front of others.

Final thoughts

So, in conclusion, it's important to get your opinion heard in the workplace because you deserve a voice!

Try some of these tips and see how they work for you- different things will work with different people but don't give up until you find what works best for you.

Introverts have valuable opinions that should be voiced, too. You can do this even if it might seem hard at first!

Make sure not to interrupt when someone is speaking unless it needs correcting or clarifying - remember that giving them their chance before yours doesn't mean others are uninterested in what introverts have to say, either; everyone deserves respect no matter who they are.

It might also be helpful to practice saying something out loud- try doing this in a mirror or in front of someone else so you can see how your body language might come across.

When feeling nervous and anxious, it's also good to take deep breaths beforehand. This will keep introverts calm and give them time to think about what they want to say instead of just getting anxious before speaking up.

Finally- it's important for introverts who have valuable opinions on issues that affect them at work! Sometimes the best way is by being assertive with what you need, which means not letting yourself be pushed around when others are making decisions without input from everyone involved.

I hope this article helped you find some ways to voice your opinion at work, and that you feel empowered!

Join the introvert community. One email, every Friday to start the weekend right. Subscribe here.

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[subetaspeaks]

Clarifications and Facts from Latreia

Hello, this is Latreia. Sorry for the essay ahead -I need to straighten out and clarify a few facts in reply to my first shit/flame post because seriously please make your complaints/comments credible with context and facts: FYI: I did NOT ask every single person who slotted. Please also feel free to check comments to see how I asked. I did not realise that it would come off creepy/stalkerish/shitty to ask people whether they would be willing to sell/trade the eyepatch (mind, I only asked each person I contacted once, and if they say no I did not try further - and I did not beg to get it for free), so it is refreshing to know that even asking could be an annoyance. If you are not comfortable with me asking, please just let me know. I like being straightforward and that is my personality. I missed the slotting time of the eyepatch due to being in a different time zone, and I have seen enough cases of people slotting on things and then selling/trading it almost immediately due to whatever reasons you can think of - so I thought, why don't I try asking politely? The worst reply I can get is a no and/or a block. I completely understand why people won't part with something, but my experience tells me that asking directly about a CW is the best if you are interested in it. Regarding lowballing: I noticed that standards vary A LOT on this issue. For me, it's the attitude that counts. I usually ask for item prices first and if I'm told to offer I am usually conservative in my offers when I'm unsure because I over-offered many times in the past and lost out a lot. I'm however always happy to up my offers if I can afford it when people think my offers are too low, or I'll decline when the prices given are out of my budget. Would simply offering Varsna Wow, I wish you told me directly about how much you hate me and your pent-up anger. Funny how your complaints are so exaggerated and inconsistent though - such a slander. I did NOT "ask you almost non-stop over three months" regarding the lunar marbles. Also, when did you say 'no' to me the '5th' or '6th time'? In a 9 February 2017 post you also accused me asking you 4 times in the last 30 days, while actually I only asked you twice in your board since late December 2016. Check your facts, given below for your reference: FACTS (forum search ftw): -My first post to Varsna on the STATUS of a few lunar marbles was on 17 March 2016 (then I went on hiatus and forgot everything about subeta) -My second post to Varsna asking if he would let go of ANY lunar marbles is on 17 January 2017 -My third and last post to Varsna on AN CW TRADE OFFER FOR ONE MARBLE was on 3 February 2017 (I said explicitly that I wanted to try tempt him) Varsna, you complained about me not asking you about the sell/trade status of the marbles - and then complained I asked you about the marbles too many times. Wtf what do you want? I was trying to be polite and not be an annoyance :c CONTEXT for everyone else regarding me being "lowkey being shitty about Varsna not selling marbles (in Varsna's opinion)" - this can be found through a forum search: All my relevant posts: "@Ursa: Actually I have wanted to ask for a long time - is there a no sale/trade policy with the lunar marbles released privately? I know for some private CWs the releaser doesn't put any restrictions on the items (=the items can be sold / traded), and so I thought the same goes for the marbles c: would appreciate it if you can answer my question, thank you very much! ♥" "@Ursa No worries, thank you so much anyway! ^^ The reason I'm asking is because if there is a no sell/trade restriction I can definitely stop being so desperate lol. Varsna has told me that he will not auction off any more copies/ sell his own copies which I perfectly understand, so the only way to obtain the private marbles will be by: 1) buying the public copies, 2) buying from those who have the marbles (if there is no sale/trade restriction). So far I haven't gotten a definite answer on whether the marbles have any restrictions, but I have seen people who are looking for them asking holders of the marbles as well c: As long as I don't have a clear answer I guess I'll be haunting around for the private marbles XD" "@Varsna Ahhhhhh I apologize if I come off as that to you :x to me I was just stating what information I learned from you...I asked you two times on your board if you would let go of the marbles since late Dec and therefore didn't want to bother you anymore with further questions! I felt like further questions would be hounding you :c" PS: It's ridiculous to suggest that I would hand pick YOUR friends to ask about the marbles. I treat each user as an individual, not by tagging them 'XXX's FRIEND'. And I actually don't know who is on your friend list o___0 Sometimes people do trade owned CWs for CWs they really want and there are topics in r200 like 'look through my owned list/wishlists and offer csc/trades'? It just so happens that I'm asking your friends through this method - but way to go re: your imagination. Takeaways: 1) Asking is not a sin. Begging is a completely different matter. But by all means feel free to tell me you don't like being asked about 'x'. I won't know how you feel if you just post Anon on subetaspeaks. Anon, just block me - I don't really like your style. 2) If you don't like me, go ahead and tell that straight to my face. If it's something I can't change your opinion on/ resolve with you/ you find me unbearable for whatever personal reason, do block me. Don't give me all the smiles and hearts in our conversations if you don't like me (i.e. n_n and ❤️) because damn that is two-faced and way creepy. Okay, Varsna? 3) Do not make false accusations without any context or facts. That is slander. (I wonder if that is reportable.) And anyhow the Subeta community guidelines: "Statements that are crude/verbally abusive are uncalled for, no matter whom they are directed toward." Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.

[bfxenon]

7 Tips to Get the Most Out of Online Conferences

As we anxiously await the return to in-person conferences, with a little ingenuity and virtual elbow grease, we can still forge new professional relationships over an internet connection rather than a cocktail. Read on for tips on how to bring your best self to digital events, and for networking while remote!

Speaking of online conferences, don’t forget to snag your ticket to MozCon Virtual 2021!

Secure Your Seat

1. Set your intention

To get the most out of your online event, you need to go in with an intention. That way you’ll be more likely to gain something from the experience.

Ask yourself, what are you hoping to achieve? Some examples could be:

Gain a business opportunity

Learn more about how to recover from the latest algorithm update

Find ways to increase efficiency within your SEO processes

Feel more confident selling your services

2. Schedule accordingly

Many events will provide you with schedules ahead of time — look at them! (Pssst...if you haven’t yet, now is the perfect time to check out the agenda for MozCon Virtual.)

These schedules can help you go into the conference with a clear idea of how you’re going to spend your time. Going in with a plan will allow you to focus on the content of the event and your intentions each day, as opposed to wasting time frantically trying to decide what sessions you’re going to attend.

Choosing your sessions

Once you know what your intentions are and you have the event schedule, determine what will be the most beneficial content for you. This can be especially helpful when the event has multiple tracks, very few break times, etc.

Choosing your sessions may come down to a process of elimination, and it’s much easier to eliminate sessions when you have some sort of goal in mind.

Things to consider when choosing your sessions are:

The topic

The speaker

The time

The availability of on-demand videos post-conference

Your intention may be to broaden your horizons this year, so instead of opting to see presentations with the same topics or speakers that you saw last year, you may see someone new discussing something you find interesting but haven’t had time to explore. You may have a tight schedule and not be able to make anything past 3pm. If some of the sessions will be available after the conference, it may be worth checking out topics you wouldn’t have otherwise.

Know when to take a break

When you’re planning out your schedule, you need to make sure you build in time for breaks. This means time to eat, time to decompress, time to refill your coffee cup, and time to do work or home stuff.

Conferences usually have a lot of breaks and that’s for good reason. Ideally, you’re going to be learning a lot. But if you try to learn it all at once without giving your brain a break, very little of it will stick.

So, be sure to listen to your body. If you start to feel foggy or overwhelmed, take a break, grab some water, and move around a bit.

Build in networking time

Something else you want to account for when planning your virtual event agenda is when you’re going to network. Some conferences will have time to network built in, but others won’t.

You’ll want to dedicate time to get to know the other attendees by joining conversations and adding people on social media. This will look a bit different in the virtual space, as you won’t be meeting for coffee or chatting in the lobby, but try to stay creative! Zoom chats and video calls are a great way to connect with new or old friends.

Recap at the end of the day

At the end of each day, take some time to reflect. Think back to what your intention was, what you did throughout the day to fulfill that intention, and what you can put into action moving forward.

This is a great exercise to ensure you’re making the most out of the event. Far too often, we take in all of the information and do nothing with it! That’s why we like to suggest creating at least three action items at the end of each day.

3. Gather the essentials

Okay, it’s the first day of the conference and you’re about to jump in front of the computer. BUT! Before you do that, you need to make sure you have everything you need to be successful.

Get a clean notebook or start a fresh doc

Having a clean slate for notes will help you stay focused while attending any conference (virtual or otherwise). So grab a new, crisp notebook or create a new document file on your computer before you get started.

If you decide to go the computer route, be sure you close all other tabs and turn off notifications! You want to be sure that your attention stays on the conference.

Taking notes during a virtual conference

With that new notebook or document of yours, you’ll want to take the most effective notes possible. With that in mind, here are a few things to take note of:

What you learned

How can you apply it

What can you share with your team

To ensure that you’re on track to capture each of these things, when you go into each session, write your intention for the session at the top of your notes page. Then, divide your pages by “what I learned,” “how to apply,” and “what to share.” This will keep your notes nice and organized and give you a visual cue on whether or not you’re getting what you expected out of the session. It will also make your end-of-day recap much easier.

When it comes to virtual events, one of the biggest benefits is that you often get the slide decks and video bundles afterward. We suggest finding out whether the event you’re attending offers those things before you start taking notes, as it may lighten your note-taking burden a bit.

Have some snacks, water, and coffee (or tea)

Perhaps the most important things to have during a virtual conference are the snacks and drinks! As you know, at MozCon, we take this part very seriously, so we expect nothing less if you attend our virtual event.

Brain food can help you stay focused. Some of our favorite snacks are granola bars, nuts, veggies, and of course, donuts. However, you have full control over the spread this year.

Be sure to also have plenty of water and your favorite caffeinated beverage as well!

4. Look for networking opportunities

Depending on which virtual event you attend, the networking opportunities will look different. Keeping a creative eye out for opportunity is key to your success!

Live chats

Much like during regular conferences, there are bound to be live chats happening. They may happen on the actual event platform, or they may take place on social media. Some events will use a platform like Zoom that allows viewers to chat with each other within the platform, while others may have more of a broadcast format where chats happen on Twitter with a hashtag.

Joining Q&As

A super valuable aspect of conferences is being able to speak to presenters after they give their talk. Sometimes this happens during a predetermined time slot, such as right after the presentation, or it may happen when you catch them in the lobby or at an event later on. Either way, this time to ask questions about their expertise is a huge value-add to the experience.

With conferences going virtual and live chats happening publicly during the presentations, this Q&A time has shifted a bit. Instead of having to wait for the presentation to be over, in some cases, presenters will reply to questions from the live chat as they're speaking. Some panels are pre-recorded, giving speakers a chance to interact on various platforms during the event itself. Some events will even have specific “presentations” that are more like facilitated Ask Me Anything-style interviews or panels where questions are taken from the audience and posed to the speaker(s).

Networking at MozCon Virtual

Every year, we hear from attendees about how networking is one of their favorite parts of the conference. We made sure to keep it an integral part of this year's virtual event, too — check out all the ways you can connect with speakers, industry experts, attendees, and thought leaders at MozCon Virtual 2021! Beyond the opportunities for social connection within the conference itself, we will also have a virtual photo booth where attendees can snap a selfie, add some fancy circus-themed backgrounds, frames and stickers, and share them out on social media!

In-session Q&A chat

Mid-presentation, pop into the Q&A chat with your real-time questions and get them answered by speakers. You'll also be able to chat with other attendees about the content and provide your own insights about the session and topic. Speakers will be available to answer questions during their scheduled session times, so it's a perfect opportunity to get clarification, further insight, or forge those all-important connections!

Birds of a Feather "table" discussions

Birds of a Feather tables are one of the biggest MozCon hits year after year, and we didn't want anyone to miss out! We'll facilitate 30-minute-long group discussions each day of the conference for you to connect with those interested in specific topics via video and audio chat. Each discussion will be led by an industry leader, giving you all the opportunity to say "hey" to the folks whose work you admire and collaborate with them on ideas, theories, obstacles you've faced, and more.

MozCon Virtual partners

This year, we have a curated lineup of trusted partners who can't wait to meet and network with attendees of MozCon, including 97th Floor, Crowd Content, PageOnePower/PAGES SEO Magazine, and Wix!

Attendees will be able to visit and chat with sponsors within the MozCon Virtual platform, and sponsors will also be hosting Birds of a Feather sessions, plus taking part in presentation chats!

5. Get active

No matter where online networking is happening, be sure you're a part of it! The more you interact, the more likely people are to recognize your name when you reach out after the event. The only caution here is that you have to be sure your interactions are meaningful — don’t just comment with clapping hands. Add something to the conversation.

Add insight

The best thing about people is that we're all different and have fresh perspectives to bring to the table. Don’t be afraid to add on to someone’s thoughts.

Let's use a fun example. If someone says that the best mascot hug ever was from Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, you may jump in and ask if they’ve ever met Roger MozBot, famed hugger and robot dancer extraordinaire. Or you could build on the thought by saying something like, “Mickey is a great hugger, I think it’s because he goes over instead of under!”

In both of these instances, you’ve joined the conversation and added value.

Add clarification

Speakers often try to fit a lot of information into a relatively short time frame. That said, questions will likely arise in the live chats. This could very easily be your time to shine! If you've got knowledge to share, feel free to answer the question to the best of your ability and try to add clarification.

This is absolutely one of the best ways to position yourself as an expert and form a relationship with someone you’ve never met. It allows you to prove you’re knowledgeable and give the person something they value for free.

Add sources

Whether you are asking a question, answering a question, or just chiming in with added insight, adding resources in conversation is extremely beneficial. This could mean that you recommend a tool, a person, or an article link. These resources for the other viewers can be extremely beneficial and help you establish your credibility.

Now, we don’t suggest trying to come up with a source for everything, but if you have one right off of the top of your head, dropping a link in the chat may really help someone.

BONUS: Add people on social

While this one's not necessarily about adding value per se, it is about adding. Adding influencers, presenters, or other attendees after interacting with them (even if briefly) may increase your chances of getting a follow-back or accepted request as you'll still be top of mind. Try to add people no later than 24 hours after your last interaction, and consider sending a friendly "hey!" with a note about what you spoke about to keep the connection fresh.

6. Perfect your follow-up

After connecting with people during the online conference, you'll want to follow up with them and stay in touch.

The most important part of following up is the first impression. You don’t want to come right out of the gate with a request of any sort. Instead, look to build a relationship first. This could mean shooting a quick follow-up message recapping your conversation with the person, telling them that you appreciated their time and that you look forward to more conversations.

After sending your initial follow-up, be sure to interact with the person at least once a week to stay top-of-mind. This is easiest on social media as you can like, comment, share their content, and ensure that your name is showing up in their notifications. However, direct messages, emails, and even phone calls are sure to be more impactful.

The best thing you can do when following up is to stick to what you're most comfortable with and be consistent while continuing to add value.

7. Have fun and be yourself!

The number-one thing you have to offer is yourself. Your experiences make you unique and others can learn from that! So when you are attending online events and connecting with others, just remember to be yourself. And of course, have fun!