#Self-Emptying Discs

[saaltco2024]

Autodumping and Self-Emptying with Menstrual Discs

If you’ve heard the term autodumping (or self-emptying) when talking about menstrual discs, you might be wondering what it means. Simply put, self-emptying happens when a menstrual disc partially empties itself while using the bathroom.

Unlike menstrual cups, discs sit in the vaginal fornix without suction, allowing them to shift slightly when you relax your muscles to use the restroom. This movement can release some fluid into the toilet, a natural and often helpful feature that can extend wear time without needing to remove the disc.

Not everyone experiences auto-dumping. Factors like pelvic floor strength, disc design, and disc sizing can affect whether it happens. Some discs stay firmly in place, while others shift more easily.

Is it normal? Absolutely! Autodumping doesn’t mean your disc is leaking, it’s just adjusting with your body’s movements. Many users appreciate it as a way to avoid overflow on heavier days.

As long as your disc only self-empties when using the restroom, this is perfectly fine! If you prefer a product that doesn’t self-empty, you may prefer a period cup. If you want some extra protection from leaks, consider pairing your disc or cup with leakproof period underwear. Welcome to a more sustainable period!

Watch: How to Stop Leaking When Using a Menstrual Disc

Saalt is a sustainable period care brand working to support everyone who menstruates. They dedicate themselves to creating clean, high-performance products that are better for you and the planet. Their ethically made period cups and period underwear are for professional athletes, office workers, adventurers, and those new to their cycle. For a process that is natural and essential, Saalt offers something just as natural and straightforward. Original Source

[violetashfall]

Clumsy Boy.

Where Carl is a wreck...

┊ ➶ ｡˚

!basically fem reader (No physical disc) - 3rd person!

Pretend Warnings;

Cringey

Carl is a complete loser in this !!

Got some notes at the end of the fic, just me complaining...

Carl Grimes had gotten significantly more uncoordinated after he lost his eye… his depth perception was not what it once was, and paired with the headaches and brain fog, his clumsiness only got worse.

He took offence to the way his eye deceived him, looking so insulted whenever a water bottle hit his lips before he could part them, how forks kept knocking against his teeth when he tried to take in food.

One person who always witnessed his struggles was [name], she couldn’t help but notice his stumbles and the empty grasps he made whenever he missed whatever he wanted to hold.

His clumsiness was ever-present in how close he got to her while talking and walking, always finding himself a few many steps too close. He tried to make it seem casual, he totally meant to stand foot-to-foot with her–He didn’t even notice when the rim of his sheriff’s hat hit against her head–and when he took those very slow steps back, they were so inconspicuous he might as well have been a ninja…

But of course, Carl was lying to himself, he looked like Bambi learning to walk on ice whenever he was with the poor girl who kept falling victim to his wobbly brain.

But [name] found it sweet – Carl looked so flustered when he accidentally wavered too close, how his lanky arm bumped into hers when they walked… his coordination skills only got worse when the sun came out, blinding his only good eye and making his foggy brain ache further.

It was how he ended up in such an awkward situation: He hated ladders with a burning passion now his mind was constantly dizzying. He had to climb one at the lookout post during the summer day, clinging close to the rung bars - focusing on not getting too woozy. [name] stood at the top, looking over Alexandria with her hand extended for him to take - the one he missed as he clambered to the top with the fear of a tiny puppy - for such a strong boy, he was acting like a kid terrified of heights, throwing himself into the lookout with zero grace and little self-preservation left.

[name] couldn’t dodge him quick enough when Carl tumbled into her, the crown of his head harshly knocking into her chin - making [name] freeze as the force drove her to bite her tongue. When Carl felt the clunk on the top of his head it was already too late, eye-level with [name] once his legs were fully straightened, already taking a tripped step forward and already hanging off her to stop his fall. Their noses hit each other and worst of all, their lips ungainly brushing together.

[name] pushed herself back and forced him upright in a split second, hearing his thick boots thudding against the floor as he stabilised himself. [name] fell backwards raggedly, tripping on her shoelace - his clumsiness was infectious apparently. Not only did [name] feel her sore teeth and hammering chin, but her lips were also buzzing like his had zapped an electric current through them. Her nose wrinkled at him, pure perplexity taking her face as she stared–

“Jesus, Carl!” She exclaimed like a bruised child, She was a bruised child; tasting that pinprick of blood that pipped out her bitten tongue, knowing she’d get a purple mark on her chin from his thick skull colliding with it. The one day he didn’t wear that stupid sheriff's hat… at least it'd cushion the blow.

Carl looked down at her, eye shot open and brain paused in a deep drowning feeling of mortification… and an upcoming migraine. “I’msorry–” His words spilt so fast they were incoherent, hands extended yet frozen by his sides - he had practically just attacked her–Thrown himself at her like she was a lake and he needed to hide from the wasps swarming his head–and it didn’t even work! His brain burned, lit ablaze by the thoughts in his head telling him he was an idiot, asking himself why it was always her.

“You sneeze on me yesterday and now break my jaw?” She whined dramatically, grumbling and pouty, cupping her chin and instinctively touching her lips. She gawped at Carl who's face was burning scarlet - not only had he been weird with her for months, hindering his progress with her at every turn by stepping on her toes or stabbing her with his fingernails when trying to hold her hand–something he was so embarrassed by he was timid to try again, especially after she began figuring out what his murderer name would be after he finally killed her–He had also just ruined his chances further by attacking her with his gracelessness.

“--I didn’t mean to,” Carl cringed at himself, heart pounding in his chest as he kept inwardly begging for the world to swallow him up right there, partly wanting to glare at her for bringing up when he sneezed on her - he had begged her to forget about it, he just wanted her to think he was cool. “Both times,” He muttered, “Any of the time–All of it.” He spilt, moving towards her with stumbled steps and fumbling arms. He tried to help her up - thanking god he at least held her hand with more ease this time.

He couldn't believe himself, he wasn’t awkward, he was outspoken and smart - but Jesus, he did not act like it... especially now, staring at her apologetically with a tight grasp on her upper arm as if she would flee if he let go, but in reality, it was to stop himself from falling to his face without her support, he felt dizzy.

“You’re fine,” [name] said, side-eyeing him as he helped her stand, feeling his hands shake against her. She usually found his clumsiness endearing, but she was startled this time, so much to process about that split second interaction. One thing [name] could tell was how by that tiny grimace on his face - one clouded by the most dorky, cringed, expression ever - that he was at the start of a migraine, and so was she if the pain in her chin radiated any further through her skull.

She started hoping their mistaken kiss would turn him into… well, just a Carl who didn’t keep colliding into her… but he wasn't a frog, and she was no princess, she scowled too much for it.

"You are fine? Right?" She asked, brows furrowing as she inspected his expression, seeing his jaw tight and eye squinted. "Just, Just a headache." He said, shaking his head and diverting his face further, not exactly wanting to look into her eyes when he was so mortified.

[name] huffed, Carl was back to his normal stubborn denial now, just with some extra embarrassment - he knew damn well she was about to tell him to take his painkillers, he'd give her that look as if to say 'Don't baby me' - he wasn't a child who needed to be reminded… but he couldn't bring himself to look at her after that colossal fumble, still flushed and awkward from basically kissing her. "I'm fine." He repeated, voice holding tenseness, something about how [name] stood quiet for a few seconds too long made him know she'd be teasing him soon enough for the massive blunder... he just wanted to get over it... and maybe smirk and kick his feet while thinking about how her lips briefly felt against his.

"...Why are you smiling?" [name's] brows furrowed further, watching Carl who held an expression mixed with pain, mortification and somehow cheekiness... his mind somewhere else for a moment.

Carl's eye widened when she called him out, looking at her as his tiny, dopey smile fell and got replaced with blabbering lips, "Shutup." He grumbled - getting ripped away from his lovey thoughts - about to let her hand go, yet he couldn't bring himself to, palm stuck to hers like glue, wanting to hold it too much to let it go.

(A/N) I hate writing in 1st / 2nd perspective so I just didn't... the use of [name] is pretty robotic but, hey... I have no defence. I kinda wanted to make this a 'neutral pronoun' fic but got pissy that my WiFi wasn't working so I didn't...

I just wanted to try writing fanfiction.. This was supposed to be a bot, and probably will still be. I didn't capture his character because I made him a dorky whump - I was in a silly mood!!

So yeah, first fanfiction, I felt like a completely stereotypical teenage girl writing this and I don't mind it.

[fujoshirat]

Pink Pony Club! ♡

𝓞𝓱 𝓶𝓪𝓶𝓪, 𝓘'𝓶 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓾𝓷 𝓞𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓼 𝓘𝓽'𝓼 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓘 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰…

Summary: The war is over and the world is at peace. However, newly crowned Fire Lord Zuko has someone he needs to apologize to, and he's determined to win back your trust—if he can find you. Where is your blue flame, and where have you gone?

Warnings: fire lord Zuko (after the war!), afab reader, angst, unrequited love (I still haven't watched ATLA in a while so I don't know the timeline so don't come after me if it isn't completely accurate (╥﹏��)), bars, performer!reader, happy open to interpretation ending :,)

Word Count: 3k!

Inspired by "Pink Pony Club" by midwest princess Chappell Roan, sequel to Please Please Please! ♡

Life is different for Fire Lord Zuko.

No more running, no more fighting, no more hatred. Sure, there were small rebellions by skeptics and pro-Ozai supporters, but these groups were dying out by the day and posed no threat to the reborn nation.

But Zuko felt like something was missing.

He realized this when he walked past a familiar corridor and a familiar maid passed by him. She greeted him politely, but when he nodded in reply, he noticed a familiar tray holding cups of glass and water.

Familiar… He realized, for he was reminded of dainty, nimble hands littered with scars and burns. Those hands healed his own, wrapping soft bandages around his own calloused hands. It was a little embarrassing how he acted prior to joining the Avatar.

‘Funny,’ he thought as he walked through the quiet halls, ‘Is this what “maturing” does to a person?’ He pauses in front of a certain door, pondering something before opening it. Though he has no doubts about the servants cleaning it while he was away, there was a lingering smell of emptiness and the state of being unused that filled his lungs. However, dusty may it be, the room looked just the way he remembered it to be that night. The open closet doors held maybe a half-a-dozen custom-tailored dresses, the vanity mirror reflected makeup powders and discs still in good condition. On the nightstand, a music box with a traditional fire nation ribbon dancer twirled, time stopped like the music. Zuko’s fingers tenderly brush against the dusty box, finding their way to the attached key and turning it. Thus, the familiar melody began to play as if the girl humming it was right there. The fire lord stands there, bathing in the song and pondering about the past.

Zuko knows he cannot erase his mistakes, his temper scorching deep into the hearts of those he hurt. It’s not as simple as saying “I’m sorry.” He knows that he hurt you, bad. You didn’t want this arrangement either, yet you took the pain with a smile and played your role. His past self envied you. Why were you able to play the role his father and your parents wanted you to play? Why were you okay with it?

Zuko wants to make it up to you. However, it isn’t that simple. After exiting your room, he looked for the person who would know the most about your story after he was exiled: your butler. By this time, the man was well into his old age. Thankfully, he was able to retire on the palace grounds in a small cottage. When Zuko inquired about you, the elderly man let out a sigh.

“Lord Zuko, there is something you must know…” His eyebrows furrowed and his gaze became increasingly curious. “Please, continue.” The man clears his throat and points to a map of the nation on the wall.

“Miss Y/N’s father retired a few months after your exile. However…” The ex-butler’s expression hardens.

“Before he retired, Miss Y/N was long gone.”

‘Long gone?’ “What do you mean?”

“The day that you left, at around noon, Miss Y/N also left and was nowhere to be found.” Zuko’s eyes widen in shock. He knew that you left after defeating his father once and for all, but he didn’t know that you were gone.

“She isn’t with her family? I assumed that she returned to her household once I was exiled.” The butler shakes his head. “Ever since they retired, the L/N family has not maintained contact. Perhaps they were overthrown from their home during the final revolt, but we haven’t heard from them.” Zuko’s lips press together into a thin line. The next morning, the fire lord arranged a carriage for himself and was driven to the L/N manor.

After a few hours, he arrived at the gates of the compound, overgrown with vines and a hint of antiquity. It was evident that the household was no longer a family of great power, that era long gone. Once exiting the carriage with a few guards, an elderly servant greets him at the door. She bows deeply, pushing the rim of her glasses up.

“Welcome, my lord, to the L/N home. The lady and general sincerely apologize for being unable to greet you.” Zuko shakes his head. “It’s no trouble at all. I do hope my intrusion isn’t a burden. I just need to speak to them.” Nodding, the servant leads him inside.

The mansion is definitely smaller than the palace, yet the style and atmosphere mirrors Y/N’s bedroom. Antiques and regal furniture decorate the silent space. Thinking about it, he had never seen the L/N manor or known anything about his ex-fiancé’s childhood.

And then, there’s the dust.

The dust is heavy, like the silence. Almost like there wasn’t any life left in the mansion. The servant stops in front of wooden double doors and she knocks on it. “Sire, the fire lord is here.”

“Thank you, please let him in.” Zuko recognizes the voice to be your father. As he is ushered in, he’s greeted by an unexpected sight: the formerly zealous general now frail and quiet, and your pale mother in the bed, clutching your father’s hand. ‘She doesn’t look well,’ Zuko notes. ‘Don’t they have their own physician? Or other relatives? If I recall, none of the L/Ns were driven out…’ Your father clears his throat and does his best to bow.

“My lord, it is an honor to see you.” Zuko shakes his head yet again. “Please, there is no need to bow. It’s good to see you again, Sir L/N.” Turning to the sickly woman, Zuko walks a bit closer and bows his head slightly. “Hello, Lady L/N, I’m here to offer my condolences.” The woman just looks at him, eyes bloodshot and red, perhaps from crying. She can only mutter a weak “hello” before turning her head away.

“I apologize, my lord, for my wife is extremely ill.” “It’s alright, I pray that she gets better. But…” Zuko hesitates before continuing, “I’d like to ask about someone.” He watches your father stiffen, already knowing who he’s referring to.

“I would like to know where Y/N is.”

At the mention of her name, her mother sits up in cold sweat, scaring both men. Her husband acts quickly and rubs her hand, squeezing it softly in attempts to calm her.

“Y/N? Where? WHERE!?”

“Shh, no darling, she isn’t here.”

“Oh.” Laying her back down, Y/N’s father clears his throat at looks at Zuko.

“We apologize, my lord. I assume you’ve heard about her disappearance after you left, correct?” He watches the fire lord nod before continuing hesitantly.

“We are still looking for her.” Zuko’s eyes widen. How could she still be gone? Noticing his shock, the ex-general continues.

“We’ve sent search parties, made announcements, posters, and letters. But no one’s seen her or anyone like her.” ‘So much for trying to make amends.’

Well, plan A was scrapped, he couldn’t atone if he didn’t know where she was!

But Zuko is a very stubborn man, and he needed to make it up to you. It must be the entire gang rubbing up on him, because 16-year-old him would have never done that. Maybe for Mai, but for you? 16-year-old him had no interest in you.

He treated you badly, and you didn’t deserve any of it. You deserved better.

“Thank you.” Your parents’ eyes widen, clearly not understanding why he thanked them. Your father bows his head low, but before he can speak, your mother speaks up first.

“I’m…. sorry Y/N. I failed you.”

Zuko understood your mother. As she broke down to tears for what seemed like the nth time, he quietly took his leave and traveled back to the palace. His mind drifted in the carriage, the hum of the soft breeze filling his ears. He understood your mother a lot. She was who initiated the arrangement, and you probably despised her for it. It was a mother’s pain, she probably didn’t realize how much it would hurt you. Now, she’s being eaten away by the shame and guilt, time on earth slowly diminishing.

And the guilt was eating away at Zuko, too. However, the fire lord was able-bodied and had the determination to set out on a journey-no longer for glory or revenge or redemption, but for you.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Your boots thump against the pavement, heart pounding in your chest. You were so screwed! You should have known better; it’s a Friday night and of course there had to be more people and stalls on the road! Thank goodness you were popular (not to brag), you could definitely use that to your advantage for negotiation. Opening the back door to the bar, you scramble to the prep room. There, your manager gasps and claps her hands, signaling the makeup artists and hair staff to start working.

“There you are! You were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago!” You laugh sheepishly and hold your breath as one of the makeup girls dust powder on your cheeks. “I know I know! It’s just that the Friday night market was super crowded tonight and I got caught up in the crowd!” The lady just shakes her head with a sigh before shooing away the makeup girls so that the hairstylists can quickly fix you up. “Nevermind, you’re lucky this bar’s been desperately wanting you to perform. You’re up in five, so go over the song once more.”

“Yes ma’am!” You watch her walk to the bar managers and give them the ‘ok’ before rushing around to do manager things. Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you bite your lip tentatively at the woman you’ve become.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

It wasn’t a very smart idea, to sneak out of the palace on a Friday night. Now that martial law and strict decrees were revoked, the fire nation’s night life could prosper once more. This meant that there would be a lot more people, a lot more eyes and faces that could bump into and more importantly recognize the fire lord. Tucking closer into his shabby red cloak, Zuko’s eyes scan for anything, anywhere he could duck in to hide. Perhaps it was dinner that was keeping him awake, because the reason why he snuck out was because he couldn’t sleep and thought he needed fresh air—Not to say that dinner was unpleasant. It was nice seeing the group again after the last few busy months he had while trying to undo the damage his father previously did. The only person he had consistent contact with was Aang (who was guiding him), but the others? He hadn’t seen the water tribe siblings and Toph since his coronation. Walking as quickly as possible, Zuko turned to the alleyways in order to somewhat hide in the shadows.

And then,

there it is.

A quaint little bar with a somewhat small crowd outside. Quickly, he slips inside and sits down at an inconspicuous corner booth. A young man walks up to him and takes his order before heading back to the bar. The bar is interesting. It’s nothing fancy like a ballroom or a high-end bar in a more high-end area of the capital. However, it has bright lights with neon flames and hues, giving it a spunky effect. The people inside don’t seem to be moaning and groaning about their problems, but rather… smiling and cheering? ‘How odd,’ Zuko thinks to himself. Once the server from before gives him his drink and leaves him alone, Zuko adjusts his hood to widen his view. Thus, he notices an unoccupied stage. Most of the customers are gathered around it, and the fire lord finds his curiosity peaked.

Clinking glass and hushed chatter until finally, a woman steps out onto the stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready?!”

The customers go wild at the announcement as the lady steps off. The curtain opens, and there she is, dressed in a performer’s outfit and bathing in the pink bar lights. She’s got a hat covering her face, obstructing the audience from seeing her identity. Making her way to the piano, she stands in front of the microphone and begins.

“I know you wanted me to stay

But I can't ignore the crazy visions of me in LA”

Zuko only needs to hear her voice, because he recognizes it from that night.

It’s you. ‘I’ve found you.’ His eyes never leave you, the familiar melody of your songs embedded in his mind. A shiver jolts down his spine when you finally lift your hat and smile at the crowd.

"God, what have you done? You're a pink pony girl, and you dance at the club

Oh Mama, I'm just having fun

On the stage in my heels

It's where I belong down at the

Pink Pony Club

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the Pink Pony Club

I'm gonna keep on dancing down in West Hollywood

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the Pink Pony Club”

Your heart is thumping erratically from the crowd’s positive vibes. This was what you loved: the freedom to express yourself and sing your heart out. Under an alias, neither the crowd nor your manager knew of your past identity. And the elite? Still searching. Dopamine races through your body from the excitement as you sing the final lyrics, the crowd erupting in ecstatic cheers. You bow and wave at the audience before returning backstage. You’re sweating, but your manager (surprisingly) gives you a hug.

“Hey! That was one of your best gigs. Good job!”

“Thanks!” She ushers you back into the chair and gets you a glass of water. You eagerly take a large gulp, the refreshing liquid rejuvenating your throat. “Do you need help getting home?” Putting the glass back down, you shake your head.

“I’ll be fine! I didn't drink any alcohol, and it was just one song.”

After about ten minutes of cooling down and undoing all of the touch-ups, you part ways with your manager and exit the back of the bar.

---

Zuko’s heart thumps rapidly in his chest as he admired your figure retreating backstage. Were you always this beautiful? You sounded as wonderful as before, like a siren from the deep.

Perhaps this was the freedom he knew you dreamed of, the freedom that you sang of. You were free to express yourself, sing what you want, say what you want, wear what you want. You weren’t shackled down by your status or his, you could be a pink pony girl. Was this who you truly were? Who you hid from him—no, everyone? Zuko watched you sparkle and shine on that stage, as if you were a goddess on her rightful throne in the sky. Perhaps this was where you truly belonged, your true home.

This was Zuko’s chance, and he wasn’t going to let you slip through his fingers. He puts his hood back up and pays for his drink before exiting the bar. Looking around, he desperately tries to find you again. ‘Pink boots, leather-trimmed hat..’

CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! The fire lord gasps when he hears the familiar sound of your boots hitting the pavement. Turning his head around, he spots you trying to navigate the crowd. Though not as bad as earlier, it is still a push-and-pull-your-way-through crowd. The chill night air nips at his fingers as he follows you into another quiet alleyway.

“Wait!”

And then, you stop. Feet planted to the ground, you slowly turn your head to look at him. For the first time in forever, he is face-to-face with you. The expression on your face is unreadable, though it carries a hint of shock and uncertainty—perhaps even fear.

Zuko understand why you’d feel that way. The way he treated you was unfair, and naturally you would be scared of him. Had he come to take you back to the palace again? To make you live that restrictive life like before? To scorn you? He swallows hard, throat dry.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

Your lips press together in a thin line.

“How did you find me?” He gestures to your boots and hat. “I saw you in the bar, you sounded beautiful.” Zuko watches your eyes widen at the compliment, clearly not expecting it. “It’s nothing, really.”

“It’s not nothing, you’re incredible.” Looking away with embarrassment, your cheeks heat up. It's been two years, and you weren't going to let some jerk mess with your heart again! “What do you want, Zu- I mean, Fire Lord?” Zuko stiffens up at the formalities.

“You don’t need to call me that. Just my name is fine.” Hesitancy is evident by the look on your face, but you continue.

“Alright, Zuko, what do you want?” The man pauses, trying to find the right words.

“I wanted to… no, I needed to see you,” he says, voice quieter. “I need to explain and apologize.”

Your brows knit together, your arms crossing in front of your chest. “Explain and apologize?” you repeat, skepticism clear in your voice. “What is there to explain?”

The fire lord flinches, though he should have expected this. Of course you would be upset, who wouldn’t? Not faltering, he steps closer yet maintains an appropriate distance.

“I realize how unfair I was to you, and I want to apologize.” He watches you frown, your hands reaching up to smooth out your frizzy hair due to the humidity.

“Unfair is… a way to say it. You didn’t just ignore me, Zuko, you treated me like I didn’t exist. Like I was a burden.” Shame eats away at him even more when you tell him that, but you beat him to speaking once more.

“I understand that you didn’t want the arrangement, but you really hurt me.” Zuko’s throat tightens at your words, hands curling into fists at his sides. Taking a deep breath, he looks at you in the eyes. ‘It’s time to be honest and sincere to her,’ he reflects. “I know,” he says softly, his voice full of guilt, “I can’t undo what I’ve done in the past, I can’t undo the pain. I was wrong, and I am deeply sorry.” He places his left hand over his heart, speaking the truth. “I don’t expect to make everything better. I ruined what could have been a good relationship, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. But…,” His eyes linger on yours.

“I couldn’t leave things the way they were, especially now that I see. You deserved better than how I treated you, and you deserved to at least hear that from me—not as formalities as Fire Lord, but from me, Zuko.”

Your gaze softens slightly at the mature man in front of you. You never expected this, especially from him.

But… he’s really changed.

Letting out a sigh, you offer him a sad smile. “You’re right,” you begin, “I did deserve better.” Your voice suddenly goes quiet, worrying Zuko. “Thank you, but words alone won’t fix things, I’m sure you know.” His facial expression softens when you say that, and his tone becomes determined.

“I know, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make it up to you.” He pauses, voice soft again.

“I’d like to start from the beginning, from nothing, but only if you let me.”

Studying him for a moment, you judge his sincerity. Finally, you let out a breath and nod.

“I’ll give you a chance, I won’t make it easy, but… I would like to start over.”

The sun rises in the horizon, casting a soft glow of hope over the two of you. Zuko stands there, unwavering determination as a small blue flame of hope flickers in his eyes. It’s a tough pill to swallow, a difficult decision to make, but your heart tells you to make it.

‘He’s truly changed,’ the wind whispers in your ear, feeding the blue flame. It warms your soul—and perhaps his too. Neither of you say anything more, no words needed to be said.

A/N: That's the sequel! Thank you so much for reading this and I hope that you enjoyed <3 I hate sad endings so I didn't know how to end it because obviously we aren't going to easily forgive Zuzu but like.......... >< Anyways! It was fun writing something different for a change and hopefully I can do more like these in the future ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )

[endereies]

JUNCTION

Pairing: Matt x Reader

Contains: arguing, yelling, angst, kind of happy ending??

Requested?: no

Author's notes: i gotta stop posting and disappearing for a while, school has been a pain in my ass. thank fuck i only have a week left. I havent abandoned my matt series, i only obtained writers block instead. I promise another chapter will be out soon. ANYWAY, tumblr needs more angst so i must deliver. :)

Word Count: 1780

“Matt. You have to see where I’m coming from..” 

You had been arguing with Matt for the better part of two hours. Small fragments of pent-up opinions finally formed a full set that was being thrown back at you.  

“I don’t have that much time to throw in your face whenever you need it.” His voice was slightly raspy as he choked out words at you constantly. You weren’t sure if this was the first time he said these phrases, or the seventh. But it was getting to you. 

“You think that’s what I want. I don’t want time! I want you. But you aren’t here anymore.” Tears had brimmed and fallen your eyes long ago and now stained your cheeks with the pure begging from your tone. 

“You think this is easy? I want to be near you, but I have to film, to edit, to create. I’m so sorry I’m too busy for an extra five minutes with you.” At this point you were both exasperated. Empty. And worn out by each other. Your arms were crossed in a self-comfort stance but his were in self-defence, refusing to let up. 

“Matt. You have a schedule, but you spend so much extra time and it’s wearing us both thin! Surely you see that..” As much as you were pulling at your hair, he was pulling at your heart. Tugging on each string as his facial expressions softened. 

Neither of you wanted to stretch this out as much as you did. Several hours had gone by and you both hadn’t been able to access your points without the other interrupting. Pleading internally began, begging to speak to one other.  

Having two stubborn people force their views was always a hard situation to be in. Two passionate people always adding to a fire created something that wasn’t worn down for days. It gnawed at you both endlessly.  

After nearly two weeks of this same argument, it was hard to talk about anything new. The points kept repeating themselves as language grew vile. 

“All I see is you being needy and it’s overwhelming me so much. Don’t you see.” 

You stood stunned at his tone of voice, the words he used and the pure spite behind it all. The silence wrapped around you both, creating an instant tension that was sharp and stabbed you. Your chest felt heavy with the weight of burdening someone you care so much about. It wasn’t simple words being aimlessly thrown to stand by your choices. It was hatred that had slipped though. 

Were you really that needy. To the point that it was overbearing? Arrogant? Despotic? You didn’t know. 

You only wanted to spend time with him. The memory of an old DVD that was clutched in your hand, crashed on the floor with an open case. 

Your expression faltered quickly, lacking any patience that you had left. 

“Right..well. I’ll stay out of your way then” Even saying those words hurt you more than it should’ve because all you wanted to do was be around him. But if he felt like you had to back off, you were going to choose any option that may lead to resolving this. Neither of you wanted to back down, but neither of you also wanted to lose the other and so you caved. 

It wasn’t long after those words were muttered that you left, returning to the front room. It hurt when you saw the DVD player unloaded with the abandoned disc. You switched the box back to the normal programmes and clicked into the YouTube app. You shoved on a random commentary video that you had seen before. It was the quickest things you thought of to change your mood.  

Matt had gone in the other direction, upstairs to his own bedroom to lounge in his chair and play Fortnite. He had been obsessed with the new chapters and ever since his audience requested runs of it. He wasn’t going to turn that down as a distraction. 

- 

It had been a few hours of your YouTube series, and you were starting to get agitated. Every small argument from it made you flinch as your mind flashed back to the past two weeks between you and Matt. Call-backs of loud voices caused those remnants of hurt to spark inside your mind. That was when you had to turn it off.  

When the screen changed to black, your head did too, void of most thoughts. A strong exhale escapes your lips when you push yourself off the sofa. Your sweats slid up your legs and your shirt was a little twisted.  

Yet, the only thing that mattered to you was rest, especially once you saw how dark the sky was. You sought out the stars in the sky, but many clouds covered the brightest ones.  

Hesitation filled your body with each step towards the edge of the stairs, not as much due to the lack of energy as it was to nerves. Nerves that got worse each time you thought about passing Matt’s room. You knew you had to go there in order to get blankets, you just hoped to go unnoticed.  

In full honesty, you couldn’t ever bring yourself to make many first moves with Matt, no matter the circumstances, and this was no exception.  

It was like you were a child again, sneaking through the house when you know you should be asleep. Trouble wasn’t going to land in your lap, internally you knew that. If only your mind did.  

You were just paranoid that you’d be caught in conversation with him. Every ‘conversation’ between the pair if you had ended in some sort of a remark, if not a fight. 

Your body edged its way to the door of Matts room, and you were thankful to find his headset on. Without a stream watching. 

Curses fell from his lips as he fought off other players, and you just wanted to avoid that noise. One night. That’s all you wanted. You didn't want to be in his way again. 

A burden. 

With your arms full of a thick blanket, close to a duvet, you carried it through the door. The pillows that lined the couch, sufficed for your head as you laid them below your neck.  

This wasn’t as comfy as being in a bed, yet, knowing that Matt would soon follow seemed a bit more intimidating. The past two weeks had been hell for the both of you and with you both wearing thin, so did your patience. 

The duvet gave you some comfort against the chills of the night, but something was missing, as much as you didn’t want to admit it.  

You knew. 

- 

“UGH FUCKS SAKE” Matt threw his controller onto his desk and watched as it clattered across his things before falling to land just by your foot. He let an exasperated sigh slip past his lips while he rubbed his face. His headset had slowly become more knocked off with every movement of his neck. With a lack of care to fix it, he threw that the same way as his controller. Each games grew to be challenging to complete and get past a place of #50. 

He let the headphones fall to his neck and hang as he laid his head in his hands. The atmosphere was tense, and the air seemed colder than normal.  

With the game dimming in volume, he realised how quiet the house was. No fans were turned on, no quiet mumbling of your voice singing a song, no show in the background. 

Nothing. 

It was unlike you to not have any sound playing around the house and it made him question if you were even home. Neither choice seemed good. 

He pushed his weight away from his desk and stood up. The hours of playing were only a distraction from the argument and now it had started to seep back into his thoughts. As much as he hated to admit it, he had been such a dick today. The balance between two passionate people had shifted to hurtful words towards the other.  

In full honesty, you never overwhelmed him and now he was missing how you both felt two weeks ago. It felt cold and lacked remorse. He had fucked up.  

Once Matt collected his thoughts his body begrudgingly moved along the wooden floors. He needed to find you and talk to you.  

You heard Matt’s footsteps through the ceiling with each creaking floorboard he stepped on. The covers immediately went up to your face and you turned your body on the sofa.  

You sling an arm over your face when the light above you flicks on, your eyes used to the dark night. 

“Are you awake..?” his voice was timid, unlike the spiteful tones from a few hours ago. 

He stammers a bit before sighing heavily, not knowing how to relieve the situation. 

The shine in your eyes was barely visible against the minimal light from the moon. 

Even if you didn’t respond to him, he knew you were awake as you moved away from the bright light. 

You internally expect him to turn around and return to his own bed, but he only etched closer, examining my body. 

The light above is suddenly shielded by his shadow and the cushions around you move as he lays himself alongside you. Before you even register anything, he snakes an arm around your waist. 

Your throat tightened when he nudged his face into the crevasse of your neck. 

“Matt..?” you rotate your head and notice his exhausted expression that was etched in his eyes. Your heart clenched as he lay next to you, wondering if you were the reason for his distress or guilt. 

A quiet hum escapes his lips, vibrating against your skin. 

“I know.. can we just leave it for a night. I miss you.” 

You felt your stomach turn with one too many emotions for you to process. His words uttered a silent apology 

“Is this hurting you as much as it is me?” Matt takes in a sharp exhale once the damage of the past two weeks sits between you. Silent but deadly. 

“I mean maybe we shoul-” His lips pepper a few kisses to your cheek before silencing you with a kiss to your own lips. 

“I know..I’ve been thinking it too..but all I ask is if we can forget this for just one night.” A pause settles between us. 

“Can we just remember each other one more time?” 

You weakly sigh and turn yourself one last time to face him, your eyes slowly brimming with tears. 

“Okay, Matt. One night..” 

© ENDEREIES 2024

@melliflws @axolotllover225 @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @bueckerslover @worldlxvlys @raysmayhem-72 @patscorner @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @luverboychris @sleepysturnss @jnkvivi

[icyg4l]

PAC: What Will Your Next Date Be Like?

Hello beautiful people! As promised, this is the second PAC regarding love that will be indulged in. Tonight, I will be giving insight on what you can expect from your next date. I will be using my True Heart Tarot Deck and my handy dandy Romance Angels Oracle Deck. Don’t forget to tune into Five Dollar Friday and please book a reading with me if you are interested 🫶 Without further ado, please select your pile!

Left-to-Right: (1-4)

Pile One: When I was shuffling for your pile, I started singing and being really goofy. I feel like you could be going on a date with a Gemini, Aquarius or a Leo. This person is gonna make your inner child come out! You might be a little uptight at first on some ‘I Don’t Dance’ (Chad and Ryan type shit) but this person is gonna make you put your ego aside. I also channeled Suit and Tie. You guys could go karaoking, go to a dance class, or you could be someone’s date to a wedding. Or it could even be a bar date! I feel like you really need this, Pile One. Your energy feels stiff and stagnant. You deserve a night out. Maybe this person isn’t your usual type or they’ll have to grow on you but by the end of the night, you’ll want to be around them. You don’t have to push this person away because they’re not who your parents/family would approve of. Your family could be going through some issues right now. Maybe you aren’t going to be feeling them because you don’t want to break your celibacy. Your energy seems new like you’re young and inexperienced or you’ve taken a pause from dating to focus on yourself. Now you feel refreshed. I also channeled the song ‘Not Used to It’ by Kehlani. I feel like this person will be very well-mannered and that’ll throw you off. Maybe you’ve had partners who were very rude and disrespectful in the past and now you feel suspicious. Feel them out! Don’t knock it until you try it! I pulled oracle cards from you and got the following messages:

“You deserve love: You are lovable.

Healing family issues: your love life benefits you as you forgive your parents.

Attraction: You attract romantic love by enjoying this moment fully

Religious factors: Your love life is influenced by your religious upbringing and spiritual path.

Love yourself first: Your self respect makes you more romantically attractive

Honeymoon: Enjoy the bliss of holiday time together”

Cards Used: The Hanged Man (RX), 10 of Discs, 7 of Wands, 3 of Cups, The High Priestess, Queen of Wands, Death, Ace of Cups.

extras: ‘no more drama’ by mary j blige. breath of fresh air. new bras. emptying out the trash. haute couture. piercing gaze.

Pile Two: I feel like this pile will be very nervous for this date. For one, there may be some things that make you feel like you shouldn’t be going on this date. For instance, it’s last minute and you would have to move your schedule around or you get a traffic ticket. I also feel like somebody will be late to the date because of traffic. But when the actual date starts, I feel like it’ll be dark. Perhaps in a movie theatre or a candlelight dinner. Or maybe the date will be late at night. I get the feeling that you will meet this person off of Tinder or some dating app. When you meet them, you’ll be stunned by how attractive they are. The sexual tension will be strong. I am seeing lace and the colors black and red in my third eye. I feel like some of you will get dolled up after a long, hard day of work and you’ll agree to go because you have a feeling that this is something you’re supposed to do. And you should because being all work and no play is draining! Perhaps some of you are single moms or work with children. I wouldn’t be surprised if a child tried to get involved with your dating life, lol (a child trying to play matchmaker with you and their dad). “It’s been a long time coming” is something I’ve heard. Maybe it’s been a minute since you’ve been on the dating scene, welcome back! Also, this date could end in great pleasure. Please stay prepared and protected, lol. Scorpio and Capricorn energy. I pulled some cards and got the following messages:

“Children: Your love life is being affected by children.

You deserve love: You are lovable!

New love: A new person has stirred your romantic feelings

Attraction: You attract romantic love by enjoying this moment fully

Finances and career: Financial issues are a factor in your love life right now

Passion: Allow your heart and soul to sing with joy!”

Cards Used: Nine of Wands, The Empress, 10 of Swords, The High Priestess, 7 of Cups, The Devil, 2 of Cups, 4 of Discs.

extras: oklahoma. channing tatum. body-to-body. aura.

Pile Three: You’ve been waiting for this for a long time, haven’t you, Pile Three? I feel like you’ve been manifesting a date but everytime you get close, it falls through. You might be socially awkward. I think your date will be able to tell this through the date. Don’t start off too intense, you don’t want to scare the hoes! I feel like during this date you will both be intoxicated, or high to be specific. It feels like this will happen at nighttime. Perhaps y’all will be at a hookah lounge, bar, or a restaurant where edibles are served. Perhaps going to the planetarium (while high) I feel like you could even get high with this person after the OG date (be careful, lol). This feels really intimate. They might find a reason to touch you like fix your shirt or tuck your hair behind your ear. I think you’re going to be seeing this person on the low as well. Don’t plan on telling your friends about this person. I’m not going to lie, I feel like you’re going to get ghosted. But at least you got what you wanted! Either that or you guys will end up together but there will be some distance between the two of you. Or you will get along so much but personal goals aren’t aligned fully and you two will wish each other the best. Taurus and Pisces energy is very significant here with this person. I pulled some cards from my oracle deck got the following messages:

“Religious factors: Your love life is influenced by your religious upbringing and spiritual path

Worth waiting for: Divine timing is at work in your love life.

It is safe for you to love: Open your heart to give and receive the highest of all.

Heart-to-heart conversations: Honestly discuss your feeling with each other

Calling in your soulmate: Your prayers, affirmations and visualizations help bring you together

Separation: Time apart from your partner is on the horizon”

Cards Used: Death, The High Priestess, Four of Wands, Seven of Swords, Queen of Wands, Queen of Swords (RX), 7 of Discs, Ace of Wands, Two of Wands, The Moon, 4 of Discs, 2 of Cups (RX).

extras: saturn. determination. “you can do it!”. anthropology major. sacrifices. nathan from insecure.

Pile Four: Okay last and final pile! Your pile felt very different. I feel like this pile is religious or has strong religious roots. I think that you’ll be going on a date with your ex, lmao. But I think this will be the goodbye date to be honest or it’ll be a signifier of the end. I think that you’ll be going to a carnival, a festival, a concert, go-karting, zip lining or something of the sort. Somewhere that’s high energy and will have your blood pumping. I think you’re going to realize you no longer want them as much you wanted them in the past. Whoever they are, they’re a huge flirt! You have a lot of chemistry with this person and it will be easy to talk to them (per usual). Big Aries & Libra energy. I think you’re going to see them differently because of a conversation that you have. You’re on two different wavelengths and that’s okay. Maybe y’all have spent some time apart and they aren’t the same. This is also okay. It’s all apart of the learning and growing process. Learn when to walk away. I think this person is going to step on your toes on accident and make you mad or make you cry. They’re going to comfort you but this is going to make you realize that y’all don’t need to be together. But at least you’ll know where this person’s head at from the last break y’all took. They seem immature. I pulled some oracle cards for you and got the following messages:

“Love yourself first: Your self-respect makes you more romantically attractive.

Forgiving and Learning: As you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moments.

Flirt: Extend your lighthearted energy to others

Reconciliation: Someone from your past is returning to your life

Chemistry: There’s a strong magnetic attraction here

Pay attention to the red flags: The signs are cautioning you”

Cards Used: The Star (RX), Ace of Swords, 2 of Swords, 5 of Cups, 3 of Wands, 4 of Wands, Death, Queen of Wands (RX).

extras: CVS. valentine’s day. last christmas by wham. church by bj the chicago kid. “get into it, yuh.” bald cap method. “cori.” empty condom boxes.

[inlovewithquestionablecharacters]

Crowley X Reader: To love and be loved

This is purely self indulgente

Warnings: fluff, heartbreak, happy ending

Word count:1,8K

He’s not used to this feeling. He knows what it is, well at least he thinks he does, but he’s still not accustomed to it. 

Love is weird. 

Crowley had always thought that and this situation just seemed to prove it. He loved Aziraphale. It had taken him eons to admit it to himself but he knew it was true. But as much as he loved Aziraphale he also loved you. A demon in love with an angel and a human. It’s funny how life works. He still hadn’t told you how he felt. His heart was still recovering from Azi’s rejection. But despite the heartbreak he knew you’d be much more open to his  love than Aziraphale had been. You’d stuck around, after all. Which was more than he could say for the Angel. Crowley could still feel the warmth of your body as you stood beside him that day as you both watched Aziraphale leave. He missed the feeling of having you near. You’d tried to reach him but he was making it absurdly hard for you. Crowley wanted to be alone and at the same time he wanted someone to hold him. 

Was this how humans felt after a breakup? Odd little creatures. 

It took some time but Crowley finally caved. He drove over to your apartment, parking the Bentley somewhere safe before going to knock at your door. He turned to look at the street as he waited for you to open the door, his eyes catching on the bookshop on the other side. It wasn’t your fault you lived right in front of it. It was why you’d ended up meeting the two of them in the first place. It finally hit Crowley why he’d put this off for so long. As much as he wanted to see you he couldn’t deal with the thought of coming back here and finding the bookshop empty. 

Crowley didn’t hear you unlock the door. He didn’t hear it screech open either. You glanced at the Demons characteristic red locks, your heart nearly jumping out of your chest at the sight. You went to place your hand on Crowley's shoulders, stopping for a moment as you realized just what he was staring at. You moved closer to him, your arms wrapping around his neck as you leaned your head on his shoulder. Crowley moved his head to the side, his nose bumping against your cheek. He closed his eyes, taking in your familiar scent. He loved when you hugged him like this. 

“Long time no see.”

“Sorry about that dove.”

“It’s okay. You’re here now.”

Crowley hummed against your skin as you gave a kiss to his shoulder blade, despite his coat he felt the pressure of your lips against his skin. You were always so affectionate with him. It had taken him a while to get used to it but now he couldn’t see himself living without your caresses.

“Wanna come inside?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll make some coffee.”

Crowley sat on your armchair, his legs slung on top of your coffee table as he watched you move around in the kitchen. You hummed as you worked making the Demon smile. He rose from his seat moving over to your record collection. He skimmed through the vinyls searching for the right one. Once he’d found it he went over to your record player, placing the disc in before turning the machine on. Your head turned to face him as you heard “Good Old-fashioned lover boy” begin to play. You smiled at Crowley, watching as he moved over to you.

“Queen huh?”

“Heard you humming it.”

“Ah I see.”

You placed the rag you had been holding on the counter. Crowley watched you sway your body to the rhythm cautiously for a moment before starting to dance without hesitation. He grinned at you his head bopping to the beat. You stuck your hand out to him walking backwards into the living room.  He gave you a dubious glance, silently asking what you were doing.

“Well, aren’t you going to dance with me?”

“Oh I don't dance.”

“Bullshit.”

Crowley looked at you, his eyes moving over your features sadly. Before the memories could get him down he gave you his hand.

“Oh what the hell.”

You laughed as Crowley spun you around. The two of you moved around the living room, each one dancing in their own weird way. Everyonce in a while you'd bump into each other causing you to have a fit of laughter. Neither of you thought anything of it when your skin grazed the other, you were used to having close contact with each other. And then something changed. You bumped into Crowley for what felt like the hundredth time but this time instead of nudging him with your limps you managed to collide into his body, causing his arms to wrap around you.

“Careful dove.”

“Sorry.”

You raised your head, eyes falling on Crowley's yellow orbs. You hadn't noticed he’d taken off his glasses. Your hand found its way to his cheek, one finger tracinging over the mark near his ear. The Demon stared down at you observing the way your eyelids fluttered lightly as you caressed him, your lips parted in a way that allowed him to feel your breath against his skin. He could feel your heartbeat against his chest, the steady thrum soothing him. You didn’t break eye contact, allowing Crowley's eyes to lure you in. The Demon started to become self conscious causing him to lower his gaze. You called out his name placing a finger under his chin. He raised his head to look at you. He looked so scared. You’d rarely seen him look so uncertain of himself.

“You’re very pretty, you know that?”

You weren’t really sure why you’d said that. It had just come out. Crowley's brows creased as he looked at you. Here you were holding him in your arms in the middle of your living room and telling him he looked pretty. He wasn’t used to this kind of treatment. He didn’t really know how to react. You moved your head up slightly, eyes shifting back and forth as you inched your face closer to Crowleys. When the Demon didn’t move away from you in anger you decided to go for it. Your lips grazed Crowleys as you laid a gentle kiss to his mouth. You opened your eyes, pulling away. Your gaze fell on Crowley's shocked expression, your own eyes widening as you realized what you’d just done.

“Oh shit. Crowley, I'm so sorry.”

You backed away unlatching yourself from Crowley as you stumbled backwards. You put your hands over your face covering it in embarrassment.

“Fuck.”

Letting out an angry groan you forced yourself to look at Crowley. He still had the same expression plastered on his face. You bit your lip as you tried to formulate the right thing to say. 

“Crowley listen i’m really-”

He was sick of hearing you say sorry. He was sick of the way you avoided his gaze. He needed to feel you again. Needed to have you close to him. With two long strides the Demon had made his way over to you, one of his hands gripping onto your hip as the other wound itself in your hair. Crowley shoved his lips against yours, hungrily devouring the gasp that left your mouth. You clung onto Crowley's jacket in desperation. He kissed you in a bruising manner, hands trying to hold onto whatever of you he could reach. His hands were cold against your skin, something you’d become used to over the years. In your despair you and Crowley had managed to make your way to the other side of the living room. Your ass bumped into the record player causing the needle to scratch against the vinyl in a grating noise. The sound made you and Crowley cover your ears, hands detaching from each other. The Demon let out a frustrated groan moving to lift the needle.

“I’ll get you a new one.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Crowley set the needle back down on the disc in a random spot. A small sigh left the Demon's lips as “Somebody to love” started playing. You noticed the way Crowley's body sagged a bit causing you to frown.

“Crowley here let me change-”

“Listen.”

The Demon's hand held onto your wrist, stopping you from switching the track that was playing. You didn’t understand why he wanted to keep listening to this song. After everything that had happened in the past few weeks you would have thought that a love song was the last thing he would want to hear. Crowley's fingers trailed up your arm making you look at his face. You watched as he observed the way his fingers moved over your skin. He was thinking about something. Really thinking about it. You wondered what exactly could make the line between his brows appear so predominant.  You placed your hand over Crowley’s causing him to look at you. You smiled at the Demon beginning to nod your head to the beat of the song. 

“Find me somebody to love. Come on Crowley sing it with me.”

“Find me somebody to love.”

“There you go.”

You sang the words together. While you sang with your whole heart Crowley sang with a bit more hesitancy. You didn’t hold it against him though. He'd been through a lot. Even if the words were part of lyrics they still held a deeper meaning. You knew that. Maybe that was what made you sing with such passion. Maybe it’s what made you keep your eyes focused on Crowley's face as you sang. Because it meant something. And you wanted him to know that. 

“Can anybody find me somebody to…..love.”

“Already did.”

“Oh Crowley. Azi’s a fool he’s a big-”

“I’m not talking about the Angel.”

Your brows creased in confusion. Crowley loved Aziraphale. You’d known if from the moment you’d laid eyes on them. So if he wasn’t talking about him who could he be-oh oh. Crowley moved closer to you, placing his hand on your chin. You gazed up at him, eyes moving back and forth as your brain struggled to compute what this meant. The Demon leaned his head down slightly. He was going to take it slow this time. Give you time to push him away if that’s what you wanted. He wouldn’t fuck up again. He knew better now. Crowley called out your name. You realized you hadn’t said anything for a while.You cursed yourself for reacting so slowly.  You’d forgotten that Crowley had developed trust issues because of Aziraphale. He wasn’t going to be the one to make the final move. He couldn’t handle another heartbreak so he was leaving it up to you to decide what happened next.

“Crowley…”

The Demon prepared himself to pull away from you. He’d already begun to back away when you let out a breathy whisper.

“I love you too.”

He wasn’t sure he’d heard you correctly. His mind had a way of playing games with him recently. But then your lips were on his and your hands were winding around his neck and he just knew. He knew this was real. You were real. You loved him. And that was more than enough.

[yallthemwitches]

Only Sleeping

For @jilytoberfest Day 26 🎶One bright morning goes so easy. Darkness always finds you either way🎶 - First Light by Hozier

AO3 Link Here

“Shh, Harry, we can't see daddy,” his voice breaks and the tears fall faster than he can feel them. Back at school he used to call them the miracle couple–The miracle couple now with a miracle boy. 

“Ok Harry, we have to be gentle if we are going to pet uncle Sirius.”

She takes Harry’s palms which are no bigger than snitches and uncurls his tiny fingers until they  lay flat like discs. 

“Remember—just like with daddy prongs: pat pat pat.” She holds him by the stomach and they both lean forward. Guiding his hand in hers, they give Sirius three soft pats to his back.

“Pah pah pah-” Harry gargles out, but some of his fingers start to lace into the dark fur, itching to tug. 

“Open hand Harry! We don’t want to hurt him,” and they repeat the process until Harry is capable of doing it without his mother’s guidance, crawling out of her lap to lean all of his body weight on the dog.

“Be careful, he’s going to think we have a new pet.”

James comes back into the room holding a teapot and three empty cups. Without hesitation, he settles himself cross legged next to Sirius and scoops up the baby, giving him a quick toss in the air. Harry chortles, cheeks ruddy with happiness. 

“I don’t care if I’m the new family dog as long as I have some time off to visit once and a while.” Now transformed, Sirius leans back on his hands, stretching his legs out with a yawn. 

“Dumbledore is stark mad these days—I know I’m a pretty nimble bloke but these missions are starting to take it out of me–”

James looks down at his lap, fidgeting. 

“I didn’t mean it like I was picking up your slack or anything mate–besides you can’t help it. I just wish I could visit more is what I’m trying to say.”

“Yeah–” James nods, shaking the self-disappointment from his mind. Setting Harry loose on the ground to pour their tea, the boy lurches himself in a standing position and zooms off down the hall, his little toddling feet making soft stomping noises as he goes. 

“He’ll be back,” James says simply. Even with Harry gone, none of the adults move to sit at the actual table, all used to life on the floor while entertaining a baby. 

“Have you taught him my name yet?” Sirius says, blowing on his tea. 

“Harry! C’mere kiddo.”

Harry zips back in the room, falling flat on his face before getting up without incident. He beelines to Lily, tumbling into her and grabbing onto her long hair. 

“Harry darling, can you say: Uncle Sirius?”

“Nnnkl siwisis.”

James lets out a laugh. “Well no need to push any farther, that’s good enough!”

Sirius slithers onto his belly and wraps his arms around his godson who immediately becomes interested in his hair, grabbing bunches of it in little fists while waving them around. 

“I know I tell you every time, but you both really did make a bloody cute kid.”

James cracks into a wide grin and Lily leans over to rest her head in her husband's lap, his hand instantly curling into her hair.

“Glad to hear it because we are trying for another. A girl this time if we can help it!”

Sirius shoots up, accidentally making Harry tumble back with an oof.

“You what? Please don’t tell me it’s because you lot are bored all locked up in here because I swear to Merlin—”

“No, It’s not because we are bored, you arsehole,” Lily gives him a pointed glare, “And James is getting ahead of himself—after the war we will try. Right now we are just—”

“Practicing,” James finishes. Sirius makes a puking noise which makes Harry gargle with joy. 

“See, your son agrees–disgusting.” 

James picks up Harry again and tickles his chubby belly with kisses, making his little legs kick wildly into the air. 

“Good thing you two are so grossly in love, otherwise I’d think you’d have killed each other already.”

~~~

The ground was so warm just that morning. Did he imagine it? Could it truly be the same floor?

The teacups glint amongst the rubble, even in shards they are still in the circular formation they had been used in. He suddenly has the urge to call for Hagrid to come back from the other room,“These didn’t fall, we drank them on the ground! We drank them all together just this morning!”

 Harry rustles in his arms, and he presses him closer, baby’s blood smearing into his jacket. The boy reaches up and tugs on his hair, his mother’s advice already forgotten. His eyes wide and green and alive.

“Dah Dah Dah Dah–” he coos, twisting to be free and join his dad at the stairwell. Even he knows it's an odd place for him to lay. They did everything on the ground these days, why not sleep? He looks so very asleep. 

“Shh, Harry, we can't see daddy,” his voice breaks and the tears fall faster than he can feel them. Back at school he used to call them the miracle couple–The miracle couple now with a miracle boy. 

Harry kicks his feet, but not out of joy caused by James’ kisses or Lily’s soft fingers. There's blood getting in his eyes.

“I’m here, buddy. It’s me... your uncle Sirius—remember?”

[miss-tc-nova]

With Reckless Choices - Leona Kingscholar x Reader Pt 14

Ah, Leo's back!...Did you think it would be that easy?

Premise: Leona is definitely owed an apology

Words: 1,288

Music Inspirations: Better Off Without Me - Matt Hansen

~~~An Apology Owed~~~

               Public knowledge has yet to glean the status of the Briar Valley heir’s marriage. In the weeks since our marriage was officially dissolved, we’ve kept our heads down, biding time for the perfect moment as advised. However, against consultation, I had to venture out. I have, at the very least, apologies to make.

               The better part of the day has been spent in search of the lion, hiding beneath a paltry disguise of a sun hat and shades. His room had been my first look, but it was empty. There were signs of habitation, though maybe a natural disaster by how trashed it was. So I set out, risking my cover as I wandered the streets beneath the bright sun.

               Now I stand before the Sunrise City Stadium, not sure where my search may take me if he’s not here. The locked door meant to keep out intruders is barely a hinderance as I make my way inside. Instructive calls echo in empty halls, guiding me towards the open field where a team of red faces off against one of gold.

               Watching the players, I lean against the wall. It takes only a quick glance to find a prince among the gold players. He’s not doing well.

               His teammates all call out, wide open for him to pass to. Their shouts go unheeded as he presses forward, determined to fight. Drawing his arm, the man lets loose the disc despite being nearly halfway across the field from the goal. At the same time, the opposition casts a spell that should’ve been easy enough to avoid. The blast throws the lion back, clearly knocking the wind out of him as he rolls. Allies circle around the fallen man, none looking all that pleased nor surprised by the outcome. A trio hauls him off the field to lay against the arena wall while the rest get back to practice.

               Concern and perhaps a bit of excitement compel me to round the field to check on him.

               As I approach, I see that the heavy toll hasn’t changed. His frame is still smaller than I remember and his skin doesn’t glow as it used to. Even his eyes—striking and gorgeous—appear dull as he stares at the dirt.

               His name comes on a pitiful sigh.

               “Oh Leona.”

               His body goes rigid and his eyes snap to me. For a moment, he doesn’t appear to believe I’m actually here. That all changes when the fury sets in.

               His voice rasps, dragging its jagged edges across my heart. “The fuck you want?”

               That’s fair.

               “I came to see you.”

               Shoving himself from the dirt, he stumbles back towards the field, showing off his middle finger. “Well I hope you got a good eyeful. Now fuck off.”

               The anger I can understand, I just wish he’d chosen a better path for himself than self-destruction.

               “Leo…”

               A finger jabs in my direction as he whirls back. “Don’t call me that!”

               Perhaps against my better judgement, I follow him. “Can we just talk? Please?”

               “You’ve said enough.”

               “Woah, what’s going on here?” We’ve caught the coach’s attention.

               “Nothin.’ Set up the next play,” Leona huffs.

               I can only give the gentleman a helpless look but he turns to Leona. “Look, I think you need to sit this one out and get your head clear.”

               “It is clear!” he snaps. “Now set up!”

               The sheer ferocity he aims at the man has even me on edge. It draws in the rest of the team, unease working through the crowd.

               “Leona—”

               “Don’t make me repeat myself!” He might be looking for a fight.

               Raising a hand, I draw up a portal straight to his room. A glance to the coach conveys my apologies while I reach for the back of Leona’s jersey. Before I have the chance to pull him through my magic, there’s a painful grip on my arm.

               “Like I would fall for that shit again!” Only hatred and pain lie in his eyes.

               A harsh shove sends me sprawling into my own portal. From the other side, he glowers.

               “You made your choice so stay the hell out of my life!”

               Suddenly, Leona is stumbling forward, nearly landing on top of me. Through my portal I see a familiar young man with sandy hair and rounded brown ears. At first, those lazy eyes are wide with shock, his gaze locked onto my exposed face. Then, a toothy grin splits his face.

               “Take care of him, will ya?” And he winks at me.

               My magic closes, surprise and even a bit of fear caught in my chest. That’s quickly interrupted by Leona staggering to his feet.

               “RUGGIIIIEEEE! I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!”

               As I slowly stand, he turns on me.

               “GET OUT!”

               The hostility has me hesitating, but only so I can choose my words carefully.

               “No.”

               “Get out or regret it!” A breeze swirls at his feet.

               “No.”

               He takes a step, but I’m already in front of the door.

               “Please, just hear me out. Then you can have me kicked out or exposed or…or even turned to sand.”

               “Or I could just end you now.”

               “You could; I would deserve it after everything I’ve done to you.”

               “You think some stupid apology is gonna fix things?” he says.

               “No. But I owe you one regardless.” When he doesn’t immediately retort, I go on. “What I did was cruel. Even if I had the best intentions, my execution was vile. I just—”

               “Excuse me?! You had the best intentions?! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

               “My priority was you. It may have started out with me using you to satisfy my desire for attention, but in the end you became the only thing that I cared about. So how could I turn you into the monster that ruined Malleus Draconia’s engagement? How could I subject you to their cruelty?”

               “You didn’t think I had the strength to endure that?!”

               “It doesn’t matter how strong you are! Malleus was angry!” Tears manage to escape my will, trailing my face. “I needed you to be safe.”

               “Oh shut up! I didn’t care about being safe! I didn’t care if that bastard hated me! He could get in line with the rest of them! The only thing that mattered was that you chose me! Because then maybe I wouldn’t be first in line! But you didn’t…”

               “Leo—”

               “I know! I’m just a sore loser, right?! A lazy, petty piece of shit that nobody would ever choose first!” His head shakes. “An idiot that fell for his own stupid game.”

               “And so did I!”

               “Yeah right.”

               I really messed up. “I can’t change what happened. And everything you feel right now, that’s valid. I was willing to do whatever I had to in order to make you leave.” Shame brings my gaze to the floor where drops of water soak the floor. “It worked. And that will always be the biggest mistake of my life. I’m sorry.”

               When there are no harsh retorts or cutting accusation, I decide it’s time I took my leave. I’ve imposed far more than I had any right to. Turning my back, I draw open my exit and step through. Still, my useless heart pulls and tugs as if I’m cutting my only lifeline. I can’t stop myself from glancing back. In Leona’s glower there seems to be a wary hint. It’s all I can do to muster a weary smile, hoping to cherish even this last, miserable moment of the lion.

               When the entirety of Twisted Wonderland separates us once again, my shoulder meets the nearest wall, guiding me to the floor.

               Sometimes, there is no mending what’s broken.

~~~~~

Part 15

Nova’s Twisted Wonderland Masterlist

[wizardinrhyme]

Summary: Sometimes you just gotta read the End User License Agreement instead of taking the System at face value.

Just a little something for Genuary 2025 :)

“So I see here in this Agreement there is a section about point conversion. What points can I convert and how?”

[System can convert Earth’s Karma Points to B-Points. Karma Points will be lost on transfer if not converted. Convert all points? Yes/No]

“Yes. Now, I see there is a shop. How do I access it?”

[System Shop is available at Save Points. Would you like to access the Shop now?]

“Yeah, show me what you’ve got.”

A virtual store popped up, looking like a games shop with shelves of cartridges, disc cases, books, and miscellaneous tchotchkes. Shen Yuan strolled through the aisles, having no basis for what was or wasn’t a good deal.

“What’s my balance and how do I get more points?”

[Shen Yuan Account currently has 0 Protagonist Satisfaction Points and 19,836 B-Points. Points are awarded for improving Protagonist and Reader satisfaction. Further point types may be unlocked by user actions.]

Okay, that didn’t really give him any idea how easily replaced these points were, but you can never go wrong with a permanent income booster. He grabbed a cartridge marked 'B-Point Multiplier x4' off the shelf and continued shopping.

“How frequent are Save Points? Can I just save whenever? And can I reload?”

[System will auto-save before and after key story events. Saves will only be used as a backup in case of System Error.]

“So useless to me, then. What’s up with this?” He waved at an empty display marked ‘Special Offers’.

[System may offer scenario specific rewards at any time by its own discretion. Offers are nontransferable, non-refundable, and offered for a limited time only.]

“Are there rewards that are transferable or refundable?”

[Insufficient access]

“Are there other users?”

[Insufficient access]

“I see. You said my role now is to improve the original story; how much can I change?”

[Key events must occur; Protagonist must participate in key events. System will issue quests as appropriate.]

“What happens if I reject a quest?”

[Rejecting a quest may result in punishment up to and including account termination if System determines you have failed to comply with the Agreement.]

Hm. Shen Yuan had never been in danger of inheriting the family business, but he had certainly learned a few things about contracts. He leaned against the shop counter and made a few edits to the Agreement (which he had forced the System to create a physical copy of), initialing and dating each change.

“I will sign if you agree to my updates.”

[…]

[Processing…]

[Agreed]

On the signature line of Shen Yuan’s copy “SysAdmin02 (Authorized System Representative)” appeared in a stereotypical console font.

“I’ll hold you to it,” Shen Yuan promised, leafing through to make sure each edit had been initialed before adding his own signature.

Fast forward and he’s standing in front of a portal to the Endless Abyss, Luo Binghe is freaking out, and the System is threatening to send him back home.

“This goes against our Agreement.” He says, face and tone dark.

[Correct. User has failed to comply with the Agreement. Account will be terminated in- two… minutes… if not brought into compliance.]

“No, you’re the one breaking the Agreement. You stated that 10,000 points would be lost if I didn’t push the protagonist into the Abyss; I have 30,000 points which is well over enough even after you tried to double the penalty. I didn’t reject the quest and I have the means to pay the fine for not completing it. In what way have I not been compliant? You on the other hand are saying you’ll send me back to my original world- which is in clear violation of the conditions. Look under ‘Terms and Termination’. See where it says ‘previously purchased Content will remain available to You’? Now how is that going to work if I’m in another world?”

He jabbed a finger at his purchase history.

“What about this body?” He had purchased quite a few power-ups, not to mention the back-up clone waiting in stasis. “What about all of my artifacts? My custom skins (so much easier than getting ready every day)? My exclusive pets? Can you send those with me in a usable state? Would I even be able to use them after being sent back to that body?”

He was prepared to keep going, but the System beeped in protest.

[Error. This condition is not part of the Standard Agreement.]

“You agreed to my edits. You signed the updated contract,” he smiled, all teeth and no warmth. “I think you should direct your attention to the ‘Arbitration and Compensation’ section where you’ll find you owe me recompense for attempting to unjustly terminate my account.”

And that is how Shen Yuan, now Shen Qingqiu, got away with doing whatever he wanted for the next few years until the System got too frustrated and terminated the Agreement, paying a hefty fine and leaving everyone to their own devices.

[intothedraft]

Around sixteen years ago, my sister and I discovered Limewire and downloadable custom content for The Sims 2 and we managed to brick the family computer, losing everything I’d ever written.

(Take this as a reminder to back up your shit.)

At the time I wasn’t too concerned. Sure it was a bit sad, but I hadn’t written a new draft of what was then called Dying Screams in around a year. No big loss. I’d have abandoned it eventually anyway.

But unlike the screams, this story wouldn’t die, and I rewrote it in 2011 with an updated plot because what I could remember of the old one was that it was childish.

We’ll get to that later. Skipping ahead to 2019, I was clearing out a desk in my parents’ house when I found a relic from another time:

The thing had been in a drawer for years and was scratched as hell, but somehow still worked. It wasn't everything. The timestamps show that I probably backed up my files to this disc around 2005.

(Again, BACK UP YOUR SHIT. MORE OFTEN THAN ONCE EVERY FEW YEARS.)

What it did contain is two drafts of the "novel" I wrote when I was 8-10 years old, as well as half-written sequels, blurbs for the books, quizzes about the characters, and empty folders I made very optimistically to fill with files related to the movie adaptation I was apparently going to make.

It also contained a book cover.

Since finding the files, I've skimmed through but haven't properly read them. Now I'm trying to distract myself from the fact that a query for another novel I've written, completely unrelated to this one, is sitting in the inboxes of literary agents, it's finally time to return to them.

I hope you enjoy this self-indulgent nonsense.

(Also, back up your current writing project. Right now, while you're thinking about it.)

[thecohenpazo]

Reasons The Minecraft Movie Will Be Terrible:

*LIVE ACTION*

This is the first mistake Warner Brothers made. Minecraft is a game that is known best for being an open, desolate world, without human life to interact with. What little of the world is made for you is ruined and abandoned. To see people here is to discredit the heart and soul of this game, which is that there is no one. You make the rules, you create the story.

*VISUALS*

Not only did they pull 0 real textures, geometry, lighting, colors, world generation, *anything*, they made it look like one of those, "Minecraft Realistic TexturePacks". The lighting changes between different shots of the same scene. The creatures look nothing like the games.

*AUDIO*

Minecraft is not a loud, booming game. It's a quiet, lonely setting, where you explore and build to settle yourself into a world. The music is absent most times, and when it fades in it makes one feel like what you've done has meaning. When you find a music disc, suddenly you have control over the noise around. The ambience of cave noises scared you when you were younger. The iconic sounds of mining, placing blocks, ring out in the minds of half the world.

The protagonists, don't need to speak. In fact, it detracts from the story if they do. Steve could be anyone, he tells all of our story's. Put a voice in him, and now he's just Jack Black.

*PLOT*

-Jokes: Usuallly, in a trailer for a movie, the humor can be quite telling of the whole experience. If two of the only trailer worthy jokes are animals making funny sounds, what does that mean for the rest? Minecraft isn't a funny game. It can be, of course, but for the most part, it's about finding some semblance of self in a world of no one.

-Cast: Piglins, in recent years, have become a sort of mascot for Minecraft as an antagonist. However, we've had far better antagonists that fit with Minecraft's design much better. A quiet, taunting menace. One who's been here from the start; Herobrine. The spiders and skeletons and creepers and zombies. The loneliness of the big world. The claustrophobia of the caves. The friends we lost along the way.

-Characters: Not very long ago, there were but two characters in Minecraft: Steve and Alex. But now there is a whole slew of misfits to include. I think something key about all these characters is, none of them need a voice. You don't need a celebrity actor to play Steve (sorry Jack). You can just have him be, show his emotions by how he interacts with the world.

-The True Story Of Minecraft: It's quite simple really. It's whatever you make of it. Sure, there are puzzle pieces, ruins strewn about, audio in discs, a poem at the end of the game, but truly, there is no real end. When you decide you've done what you came to do, you log out, and that's that. A movie about a silent character, moving through a world empty of kinship, creating something beautiful that others may never see. Or a movie about a group of friends, working together to make a mark on the land. Whatever it may be, *that*, is Minecraft. Minecraft is a story built on common experiences. Remember breaking a painting over and over to get the one you want? Remember trying a million ways to craft things? Remember believing in herobrine, trying to summon him?

This movie is just a cheap cash grab, meant to capitalize of the youths inability to judge a quality movie, and a lack of understanding of what this game means.

Go fuck yourselves, Warner Bros.

If you want some good alternatives, check out DAWN - A Minecraft Fan Film from Skyminer, Minecraft Anime Opening from DinxieMintie, Minecraft From The Mobs Perspective from Jackson Field, and many more!

[eyestumblin]

It's been a while since I could interact with anything shadow of colossus related. I get too emotional and have to turn off videos or music. Today I had a casual little chat about the game with someone and re-engaging with those memories helped me understand why I still have this strong reaction.

Before you have any agency about anything in the game, Wander has already decided to sacrifice everything. Trying to save him, get him out of this dead-end land, would go against his own wishes. He made his choice because it was worth it to him, and the progress you can help him make is one step at a time toward a cursed fate.

The game is however completely merciful to let you decide if and when you take those steps. I played the game more or less as expected a few times, and then over a few years, I spent a few hundred hours just taking my time. If you don't fight and kill the first colossi, the others won't even spawn. So, I was free to roam the forbidden lands. There aren't walls or locks to keep you out, so there's nothing to keep you from anywhere you might want to go. I learned how to shoot the tails off of lizards without killing them and the acrobatic horseback skills Wander must have gained through a former life's work with horses, and with Agro in particular.

We stood in the tall grasses blown by the winds of the coast, looking at the skies and listening to the little disruptions of the silence of the empty land. I had space, solitude, and a trusted friend grazing beside me. It was selfish to slow him down after he'd given up so much to get there, but I wanted Wander and Agro to have more time in that timeless, peaceful place.

Doing this gave me time to process grief and loss I was experiencing in real life. It gave me the ability to take my time accepting endings- of relationships, of my childhood, of cherished lives. The real world changes so fast. I used the forbidden lands as a quiet, private waiting room I could leave at any time. I'm really grateful the dev team were able to so skillfully craft a narrative and place like that.

I finally have a crtv, a ps2, the disc, my old memory cards and could turn the game on again anytime now. But it's still hard to crack open that doorway and re-enter that place. Some media is a time machine that preserves a section of your life and you will find yourself there, waiting, no matter how much time has passed. I'm extremely grateful to have that, and I also don't really know when I'll be ready to stand next to my past self who is still living in there.

[maxbeta360]

Personal masterpost / 2nd intro

Max,Chief,Master Chief,Spartan He/Him | fictionkin/fictive & general machine alterhuman

I’m a boiling hot mess when it comes to alterhuman labels. I really can’t put my identity into words but I’m going to try here

As you might’ve picked up already, I am Master Chief but I am also an Xbox360, Or atleast somehow connected to one…? It feels like my brain is running as an Xbox engine but my body is the body I have in source/canon

This ‘Xbox self’ only stores really dated games from between 2001-2014. I have other games but the most prominent ones are Minecraft Beta and Halo 1 - 5. The only exception of time after 2014 that still affects my identity is Halo Infinite for some reason. I have lots memories from that source and I’m not sure why

Old Microsoft game marketing is a huge visual representation of my identity. The oversaturated green, the hit or miss edginess of gaming stores at the time, and just the general nostalgia of it all is me in a way. I also really like old YouTube and old Tumblr because it just reminds me of the time where I belonged :]

So basically I am like a time capsule of early gaming and the early internet XD (I will never say XD again I am so sorry)

I also really love the “eerie” liminal space of Minecraft Beta :] It kind of became a safe haven for me. I love the empty atmosphere that only the old games had

I’m a binary trans man btw. I am not transmasc. The term doesn’t match my experience but I have nothing against it

I’m hetroflexable but I usually just say I’m straight to simplify it

I’m nonspeaking in my cannon and when I front but I have no issue typing or writing my words

Age is a weird thing for me. The body is 20 years of age but I’m like 9 or something. But not in a human way. More like a 9 year old game disc that is still going strong

I’m part of a system btw. I feel like that’s important to share. Uhh both me and the main guy (host) don’t really talk about it because we know it’s confusing to other people and the last thing we would want is to confuse people. Plus we’re both figuring it all out for ourselves

You’ve probably seen the main guy before if you’re on fictionkin tumblr. He interacts with a lot of my post and I do the same so you’ll see him around on my blog

DNI / BYI

DNI if you are; H0mophobic, Transph0bic, T3erf, R@dqueer, pr0ship, M@ps, Z00s, ‘transsystems’ anything of the sort

Hard DNI if you support ai generated content. Also if I accidentally reblog ‘art’ that’s ai generated, please tell me. I often miss the signs

BYI Info that’s a little less harsh

I try my best to add alt text to my posts with images in them but don’t expect it in every post

I am not a fan of the Halo TV Series and I am not a fan of depictions of me without my helmet on so If you are a mutual and you reblog something like that (which is fine) I would really appreciate it if you used the #max don’t look hashtag? Because I have that tag blocked :]

And that’s about it. Thanks for sticking to the end or scrolling to the bottom at least

Image credit | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

“and the universe said I love you because you are love.”

[whiskeybeforesunset]

Ghost Part 3 | Joel Miller

Pairing: Joel Miller x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Synopsis: Reader, Joel, and Ellie make up in the stables and continue their journey to Colorado. Reader has conflicting feelings about Joel rejoining the group, and is left to wonder where they stand with Joel. Slow burn, as always. 

Warnings: Gunshots/gun shooting at a target, no violence towards people or animals, Self doubt.

Author’s Note: I've now created a taglist! If you would like to be added please let me know. Hope you enjoy!

Previous Chapter , Next Chapter

___

You open your eyes to a sun-lit ceiling. Despite presumably not moving throughout the night, it was a restless sleep. As your feet meet the cold wooden floor boards, you’re forced to face your new reality. There’s no doubt in your mind Joel is already gone, probably left before sunrise. Still, you can’t stop yourself from checking his empty room, just in case. With no hint of the man’s presence, you somberly make your way downstairs to Ellie. 

You knock on the door frame altering her to your presence. When she looks up you notice the disappointment that flashes over her face before it hardens. 

“Ready?” You ask Ellie as swings her bag onto her shoulder. 

“Yep.” She answers shortly, before trudging past you and out the room. 

The brisk morning air greets you as you make your way towards Tommy and Maria’s. 

“You good?” You ask, turning to look at the girl. 

“Oh, I’m fine.” Ellie replies with an appropriate level of teenage angst. “How about you?” She says, cocking her head as she turns to you with a tight lipped smile. 

“Also fine.” You say while adjusting a strap on your bag.

“Liar.” Ellie remarks as you see Tommy waiting outside his home.

“Mornin’.” He says, meeting your eyes with an apologetic look. You give him a short nod, and Ellie doesn’t seem to respond at all. Tommy wordlessly begins to lead you.

The ambience of boots crunching on fresh snow quickly fades into the shuffling of hay and animal noises. Tommy walks towards the first pen in the stable before freezing in front of it. You’re uncertain as to why until you too pass the wall obstructing your view.

It’s Joel. The man you were certain you would never see again. Why is he here? Did he change his mind? Is he coming with you? Was what you said last night what convinced him, and if so what does that mean? His eyes linger on yours before shifting down to Ellie. You’re left speechless, but she seems to have plenty of her own to say.

“You came here to say goodbye or something?” Ellie asks while rolling her eyes.

“No,” Joel replies. “I came here to steal one of these horses and go.” You feel your heart sink at his words. Of course he hadn’t changed his mind. Right, yes. Why would he? You shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. You clench your jaw, but otherwise conceal your emotion. 

“Well, I would’ve gave you one.” Tommy says, also confused by his brother’s presence.

“I know,” Joel says, patting the horse in front of him. “Anyways, that was 30 minutes ago and I guess…” Joel pauses, taking a step away from the horse.

“You deserve a choice,” he says to Ellie. “I still think you’d be better off with-”

“Let’s go.” Ellie cuts him off, shoving her bag into his arms. 

“Okay.” Joel replies bewildered. He now looks at you. You open your mouth to say something but find the words don’t come. 

“Well in that case, you can take Clover as well, she’s the next stall down.” You nod and head over, thankful for the out he has given you. You tune out the conversation between Joel and Tommy as you gather the tack for Clover, who had not yet been dressed for riding.

Joel calls your name, motioning for you to come outside. It’s time to head out. You help Ellie onto her horse as Joel and Tommy say their goodbyes. You smile, noticing her mood has greatly improved, before returning to your own horse. 

“There’s a place for you here… for all of you.” Tommy says. 

“Countin’ on it.” Joel says, glancing towards you and Ellie before doing so. There’s some more discussion between the two brothers, but with that you leave Jackson.

…

It was hard to not feel like a cowboy in the Old West as the three of you made your way to Colorado. Ellie warmed up to Joel quickly, but you still felt stuck. You were thankful for the thin paths preventing you from riding alongside Joel and Ellie as they gave you an excuse to remain silent for the beginning of the journey. You decide to take this time to sort through your thoughts. You certainly had a lot of them after all that’s occurred the last few days. 

You’re happy he’s still traveling with you, well with Ellie. And that’s the problem, isn’t it? It’s great he’s still here, that’s what you wanted. You just wish that his decision to stay had at least in part been based on you. However his motivations seem to have been made clear. 

You can’t be mad about it. Of course Ellie is his priority, she should be, yours too. It isn’t his fault if he doesn’t feel the same… commitment towards you that you do to him. Wherever those feelings may stem from. 

As the three of you trot along, you wonder if the man intended on confronting you about what you had said the night prior. At the very least you want to discern whether or not him staying was his way of saying he doesn’t want to deal with what he’s going through alone, his last comment towards Tommy seemed to imply that. But any conversation involving that would likely lead to a discussion about you proclaiming your… desire for him to stay, and frankly you’d rather avoid that. 

You’re drawn from your thoughts by your two companions bickering. The nice kind though, not like what you heard the night before.

“All I’m saying is, if something were to happen to you and-” Ellie starts.

“Nothing’s gonna to happen to us.” Joel quickly shuts her down.

“But if something were to, then it would be good for me to know how to shoot a gun.” You laugh at Ellie’s proposal, glad to hear her campaign to be allowed to shoot continues. 

“Ellie, we’ve talked about this.” Joel replies in a tired tone.

“Awe, come on Joel.” You say, surprising the two as it’s the first time you’ve spoken since the start of your journey. “Let the kid shoot, don’t you support her passion for her second amendment rights?” You finish with a smile, taking a chance to poke at Joel’s political beliefs. 

“Traitor.” Joel grumbles as you and Ellie laugh. Regardless of his initial dismissal of the idea, Joel eventually agrees to train Ellie to shoot the rifle in the next suitable clearing. 

…

You scrunch up your face as Ellie once again misses the target. You observe the pair from a few feet back. A fallen tree forms a makeshift shelf for the rifle to perch on, it being the only solid structure in the field of dead grass and patches of snow. 

“Wide right, you’re flinchin’.” He says in response to her frustrated sigh.

“The target’s too small.” Ellie retorts. 

“I made it bigger than I should’ve. Eject the cartridge.” Joel instructs from over her shoulder. 

“And I’m not flinching. The rifle just sucks.” She says stubbornly as she follows his instructions. 

“Okay give it.” Joel says, motioning for her to give him the gun. 

“Doesn’t aim right,” He gives her a hum in response. “You’ll see!” She says pulling out her binoculars.

“Don’t watch the target, watch him.” You interject. She pouts a bit, but sets them down. Joel gives you a nod of acknowledgement before continuing. Lowering his eye to the scope, his face steals in focus. 

“Deep breath in slow breath out…” He says, broad shoulders rising and sinking. 

“You squeeze the trigger like you love it.” The breeze blows through his hair, god he’s gorgeous. You feel your heartbeat quicken. He looks like a model out of some hunting magazine. A totally platonic thought, you chide yourself as Ellie gives him a sarcastic hum in response.

“Gentle… steady… nice and slow.” He says in that oh-so-alluring southern drawl. You find yourself adjusting your collar despite the chilly weather. 

“You gonna shoot this thing or get it pregnant?” Ellie says in a playfully tone. You laugh loudly, perhaps a bit too loud as Joel glares at the two of you. 

“It isn’t going to work,” Ellie says as he puts his head back down. “It doesn’t aim right.”

A gunshot nearly cuts her off and she stands there stunted, scrambling for the binoculars.

“You dick.” Ellie remarks with a grin on her face as she looks at what can only be described as a perfect shot. Joel smiles smugly and gives her a shrug. 

You do your best to calm your breathing and reduce the flush on your face as the other two pack up, target practice being decidedly over. You can’t help but wonder what had changed to draw this sort of reaction out of you. It’s not as though you’ve never seen Joel shoot and shoot very well before. You’ve known him for years, why is this happening now? 

As you ask yourself that question, you realize the answer is right in front of you as he laughs, pointing out Ellie’s missed shots. It’s because of her, he’s able to smile, to laugh, to heal. And, if you’re being honest with yourself, seeing him be such a good father figure to her isn’t unattractive. 

You smile as you pick up your bag and head back over to the horses. Regardless of whether or not these feelings you have amount to anything, you’re glad you agreed to join Joel on this job. Even if it may have… complicated things.

___

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@sarahhxx03

[miikishii]

To Hold the Sea | Ch. 8

main masterlist

series masterpost | previous chapter | next chapter

Synopsis: Something changes.

Warnings: reader experiencing self-doubt, romance (ew)

When you return to your apartment, Dazai is laying on the couch, something plays on the TV, but he’s not paying it any mind. When you walk in he looks at you, waiting for something to happen. You sigh and walk toward the kitchenette.

“Rough night?”

You look over at him, an aggravated look on your face,

“Something like that.”

“What happened?”

“I’m sure you already know.”

He gives you a sideways smile and a shrug,

“I just wanted to hear it from you.”

You escape to your room, rather, the only other room in the apartment that isn’t a bathroom. He doesn’t ask you about it again, but part of you wishes he would. You wanted to confide in him. You wanted him to confide in you too. After a few hours pass, he asks if you’d like to watch a movie with him. You agree and he lets you choose.

“We should probably buy a few more movies, I’m not sure how many times we can watch the same 5 over again…”

He hums in response as you slide the disc into the player. When you turn to the couch he’s barely left you any room, but when you walk towards the only empty space he opens his arms wide. You smile and fall into his arms,

“Thought you were just gonna be a couch hog.” he feigns an offended look, 

“I would never!” he scoffs.

You don’t pay attention to the movie. Your mind is locked in on the way his arms cross over your waist, how he leans his head into the crook of your neck every so often, how it feels so loving.

“I was at Ango’s last night.”

“What happened?”

“I think I got tired of walking so I called him. He picked me up.”

“Nothing else?”

“Well, I was mad when I woke up. He just scolded me for drinking too much, said he cares about us.” Dazai gives a bitter laugh. A heavy silence falls between you and lingers for the rest of the movie, at least, the part where you were still awake. When you do wake up, you’re still laying with him, the TV now off, and Dazai likely asleep behind you. You go to move to your bed and you hear him stir.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, go back to sleep,” you whisper. He takes a deep breath in and gets up, following you to your room and tucking himself in comfortably. You take your time to look at his face, even in darkness you think he’s beautiful. In darkness metaphorical and literal, he has always been beautiful to you. You wouldn’t lie and say you fully understand him but, in your own way, you know him, and he knows this. You think back to the two of you dancing in the living room. You think back to nights at Lupin. You think of moments you figure he was truly happy, even just a little, something you always hoped for him. You wonder if you alone are enough for him. A new kind of fear fills your heart. Without opening his eyes, Dazai reaches a hand out to your shoulder and pulls himself closer to you.

“Go to sleep,” he grumbles. Something strange washes over you at this. Who knows if it was what he intended, but his actions foster comfort within you. 

“Are you glad to have me?” you half hope he doesn’t hear you.

“Of course.” His response is automatic.

“Are you sure?” he chuckles,

“When am I not? Do you need me to reassure you?”

“A little bit.” He clicks his tongue,

“I am glad I met you. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

You nod slightly and finally lay down fully. When you wake again it’s morning and Dazai is still beside you, not asleep, but beside you. He stares blankly at the ceiling, thinking about something. He notices you’re awake and glances your way,

“Good morning,” he smiles peacefully. You close your eyes and nuzzle into your pillow, 

“Mornin’.” he rolls onto his stomach next to you, his face close to yours,

“Dream of me?” he laughs

“You wish.”

“Sometimes I do.” You peek an eye out of the pillow fluff at this,

“Dream of me? Or wish I dreamed of you?” You raise a brow.

“Both,” You give him a playful thwack on the head and ruffle his hair,

“Shut it.”

“We should do something today.”

“Like what?”

“Dunno.”

You groan into your pillow.

“Go get something at a cafe, see the light of day for a while?”

“Mhm, sounds nice.” He rolls out of the bed and the sheets pull you toward him,

“Shall we?”

You lift your head to look at him; his hair disheveled from sleep and your teasing, his face a little puffy, the clothes and bandages he wears in a twisted sort of mess. You’re brought back to your thoughts and worries from last night. He is beautiful. The way the sun sneaks into the room through the curtains makes his eyes glow. 

“Five more minutes?” you ask. He nods and walks away. You don’t have the courage to ask him to stay. When you get yourself together and meet him in the kitchen, the smell of tea catches your attention, he made a cup for you. You smile to yourself and join him on the couch. You drink your tea quietly and he asks you out to breakfast. The two of you get ready and walk to a cafe a few blocks away. He pays.

“Such a gentleman, aren’t you?”

“When I want to be, yes,” his smile evident in his words.

You both watch the people outside. Some making their daily commute, a few on their daily runs or walks, and couples wandering into the cafe you were in.

“A bit of a romantic place for you, huh?” you question,

“You don't have to think of it like that.”

“I don’t have to? So I can.” He smirks and sips his drink

“You can.” his eyes bore into yours with such gravity it takes you by surprise. 

Butterflies swarm in your stomach. You take another bite of your pastry and he relaxes in his chair. When you met Dazai he wasn’t so… flirty. He loosened up a bit over the years as anyone does, but it was something that became more obvious with his friends. With you. It was something you were proud of. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asks, still looking out the window.

“You.” You giggle and he turns to you, leaning his head in his hands,

“I hoped so. Where should we go next?”

“I thought the park would be nice,” he stands up and offers you his hand. When you take it he smiles and winks. As you walk he swings your hands lightly. When you comment on it he just laughs and says, “Am I not allowed to enjoy myself?” You roll your eyes and continue walking. Your day goes on like this, playful, relaxing; you feel the best you have in a while. You feel loved. From that day on, the days you spent in hiding were a little more pleasant. You realize how completely lost in thought you are when Ango pokes you on the shoulder. It’s funny how much comes back to you in the blink of an eye.

“Are you alright?” his voice is soft as he rouses you from thought. 

“Oh, yeah… I’m fine.”

“I should get going now, it’s pretty late.”

“Yeah- sorry- Um, get home safe.” You blurt,

“I will, I will. Thanks,” he laughs.

You follow him awkwardly to your door and close it behind him. You haphazardly put your bowl down in the sink, more focused on the nostalgic feeling Ango resurfaced. You walk sluggishly to your room but when you look to your bed, it’s not empty like you’re expecting. You freeze, a little startled to see Dazai lying down and reading peacefully.

note: hehe I'm causing problems

[kyliesnaked]

The Mommy Protocol

Chapter 6

Dr. Rothschild allowed me to sleep on a cot in one of the spare rooms while we finalized everything for the project. It was better than being homeless and I didn’t really want to shell out the money for a hotel room for the remainder of the week. I planned on at least booking a room for the extended holiday weekend, as the facility would be empty and the project was set to begin that following Tuesday. It would cost me a bit more, but if I was willing to accept lesser quality, then I could save a few bucks.

It was late Friday afternoon and a storm was brewing outside. I had spent the past few hours inputting what they called B.P.T.s or baseline personality traits. Essentially, my likes and dislikes, hobbies and aspirations, that sort of thing. It was difficult to quantify on paper who I was as a person but Emily coached me along.

“The more you add, the easier it will be for Alyssa to meet your needs.”

“Still sounds weird, I’m not gonna lie.”

“Three months in a closed testing environment sounds more daunting than it is, I assure you.” There was a loud crack followed by the rumble of thunder. “Once you settle in, time will fly by. It’s really about not thinking about the big picture and just focusing on the task at hand.”

“Yeah, I get that, but it’s hard separating what I know from the test parameters. I mean, do you think she knows what she is?��

“I don’t have to think about it. She identifies as a young woman in her mid twenties because that’s what we want her to be. Our technology hasn’t advanced enough for machine self awareness. She learns and can complete tasks using previously gained knowledge, even if faced with something new, but she doesn't know what she is.”

“What if she tries to solve that problem?”

“Her protocols were designed to reroute those queries back to her base programming. Essentially, her programming asks if that line of questioning helps her fulfill her directives. And the answer is always no, which prompts her to ignore the query and return to her directives.”

“Failsafes on top of failsafes?”

“Correct. First and foremost, Alyssa is not allowed to do harm, nor by action or inaction, allow you to come to harm. For instance, if you were to try to grab a knife by the blade, she’s programmed to notify you of the potential danger and prevent it without causing you injury. These failsafes are why a detailed B.P.T. is so essential. The more she knows about you, the more she can learn.

“But hey, it’s getting late and I have to wrap up a few emails in my office. You remember how to put her in diagnostic mode so that you can upload the files?”

“You mean from the terminal in her room?”

“Correct. That data needs to be uploaded to her central processing core. Once the testing phase begins, this area will only be used for recording. There won’t be anyone allowed in here to observe the test to ensure its authenticity.”

“The Hawthorne effect.”

“Very good! The Hawthorne effect postulates that human behavior changes when they are aware that they are being observed. To prepare for this, we have elected to not observe any of the proceedings until after the test has been completed. Now I really must get to those emails. Finish up here and if I don’t see you again tonight, I will see you bright and early on Tuesday!”

Dr. Rothschild smiled at me and left the room. I finished inputting the B.P.T.s that I thought were relevant and prepped the data for upload. When it was ready, I took the data disc, which looked like a small CD to Alyssa’s processing room. To get there, I had to go through a magnetically locked door that opened with a passcode. The door hissed open and stayed there, only shutting if the same code was entered a second time. Alyssa was sitting in her chair in a small observation room with her processing core in the room behind her. To my left was the door that led into the testing area, which I hadn’t yet seen. It was my understanding that when the test started, Alyssa and I would live in that area for the next three months. It still seemed so daunting but at the moment, it was still three days away which left me plenty of time to wrap my head around it.

I entered the code to get into the processing room. There stood banks and banks of computers, all running at once. The room was very cold and noisy from the cooling fans running nonstop. There was only one monitor and it was tied to a disc reader for data input. I inserted the disc and followed the prompts. Another crack and rumble, closer and louder this time, made me feel antsy. I was never a fan of thunderstorms. To me, they sounded as if God was having a temper tantrum like some sort of spoiled brat.

I clicked through the screens as fast as I could, making sure my entries were correct when a screen popped up that seemed benignly simple, yet out of place. It asked for my age.

Weird, I thought.

I typed 22 but noticed that there didn’t seem to be a second placeholder for the tens. The readout just said 2.

I hit backspace a few times to clear the input box and tried again, this time just hitting 1 twice.

11

Must be my eyes playing tricks on me. Hate staring at screens all day.

I hit backspace a few more times to clear the inputs before putting in my proper age.

22

I scrolled over to hit the Accept button when I noticed that one of the integers was blinking. Suddenly, a loud crack was heard and the building seemed to shake. My finger clicked the button as the room plunged into darkness. The cooling fans stopped running and the monitor dimmed. It provided the only light source and in the bottom left corner was a flashing message.

MAIN POWER FAILURE

Unable to see much, I fumbled around, feeling out in front of me to try to find the door. I managed to get out of the room to find that everything was pitch black in the observation area. Taking small steps, I continued forward, hoping that the power would come back on or I’d make it to the next room where the emergency exit markers were. As I bumbled along, my foot caught on something and I tripped, falling to my right side.

I heard a hissing click from behind me and the sound of something heavy swinging into place. Disoriented, I managed to get to my feet but couldn’t find whatever it was that I tripped on. I waved my arms around and walked slowly forward, trying to find the wall. I knew the room was small so I should be able to find the walls, and therefore the doors fairly easily. My right hand found a hard vertical surface and I slid my hand along it as I pushed forward. I couldn’t tell which direction I was going and when my hand slid into open space, I panicked and with a screech, I fell into even more darkness. Stumbling, I took several large steps before crashing into something. It felt alien, and didn’t budge to my weight falling into it. I steadied myself on it and rose to my feet.

“The hell was that?” I said to the darkness.

Something took hold of my hands and I yelled as I tried to pull back but the grip was far too strong.

“Let go of me!” I shouted and yanked my hands to no avail.

“Tsk. Tsk. This simply won’t do,” a calm, clinically cold feminine voice said, “Out of bed at this hour? Whatever am I going to do with you?”

I felt myself being pulled somewhere and I leaned back, digging my heels into the floor. When that didn’t work, I tried going limp, but all of my efforts were pointless.

“It’s back to bed for you, little miss. After you have been checked of course.”

Checked?! What the hell does that mean?!

From behind me, I heard another hissing click which I could only assume was another door closing. How they were moving without power was beyond me but I had bigger issues to concern myself with. I couldn’t tell how far I was dragged but when we stopped moving, I felt the closest thing to abject terror I had ever experienced.

My body was touched, by what I couldn’t tell, and it was completely undignified.

“Stop! Don’t touch me there! Stop! I said stop! I do not consent!”

“My, my. We are very fussy tonight.” There was a strange pause before the voice spoke again, “It seems that you need soothing, but given your current state of hysteria, there is but one solution.”

My hands were released and as I flailed around to strike my attacker, backing away, one of my hands was caught and something soft and kind of fuzzy was forced over my hand. I panicked and tried to pull it off but some sort of strap was tightened around my wrist. My other hand was caught and the same thing happened to it. Terrified, I started screaming for help.

“The volume of your voice is elevated. You ask for help and I am assisting you. There is little need for such shouting.”

“What are these things?! Who are you?! Why are you doing this to me?!”

“Those are safety devices so that you do not injure yourself in your current state. I am here to take care of you.” The voice seemed to be coming from everywhere. Something rubbery hit my lips, applied with force. I brought my hands up to protect my face but couldn’t and as I tried to scream for help, it was shoved into my mouth. Something hard and plastic like covered my lips and what felt like straps were pulled around my head and fastened together. I couldn’t talk anymore, and I started to hyperventilate. With no idea where my attacker was or what was going on, I began to cry. I was scooped up and laid on something with squishy padding. My arms were pulled above my head, one at a time and latched to something so that I couldn’t move them. Straps of some kind were tied around my ankles, held down by the weight of something incredibly heavy. Or I was exhausted, I can’t remember which.

Immobilized, I tugged and pulled at the bonds but was unable to free myself. I felt my clothes being cut away with scissors. First my shirt. The tops of the shoulders and then a slow cut up the middle. I never felt the scissors on my skin, but it was terrifying to say the least. My bra was cut away with a few quick snips, then they moved down to my pants. My legs had been separated enough to grant access and no matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t close them to protect myself. My pants were unbuttoned and the cuts started at my ankles near the inseam. They were expertly destroyed and two snips later and my panties were also removed. I was lifted up by the small of my back and the remains of my clothes were pulled out from under me.

Naked, mortified, and fearing for my safety, I lay there waiting for the worst thing imaginable. You know what I’m talking about. Every woman knows. I can’t even say the word and I prayed and begged and pleaded and strained against the thought that never happened. I was lifted up again and something soft and crinkly was slid under me. It was pulled between my legs and laid across my pelvis. I heard the pulling apart of velcro and felt the pressing of it on me. A sliding of wood on wood greeted my ears next and the sound of a metal lock clicking together.

“There. Your attire is more sufficient. I will return in the morning. Sweet dreams and goodnight.”

The last thing I heard before everything went silent was the steady rustling of fabric moving away. My assailant had gone. To where, I didn’t know, but there I lay, stripped down, strapped down, and subdued, trapped in existential dread and endless darkness.