#Searan

[chanseychu]

Me @ my bf : The problem with doing V's route in mystic messanger.

Is having Searan fucking beg you to not leave him alone... and I feel AWFUL being so mean.

My boyfriend ;; you know they aren't real... right?

[clueless-raven]

Searan from Mystic menssager

[mollycoddle707-archive]

Masterlist

[cat-meg]

Ahh, I drew this months ago and forgot about it!

[doodlezzz]

I don't want, I NEED a wedding dlc. Please. I'll give you my life savings. 🙏 JUST LOOK AT THEM <33

[stormflypirateskin]

Summary: GE Saeran can't focus on you talking about your day because you are too cute.

Saeran always really loved to hear about what you did in your days, even if nothing particularly happened exactly. He enjoyed hearing about what you did, anything interesting that happened, anything.

Since he didn't have a regular life like you, he tends to listen to every single detail like a little kid being told an amazing fairytale before sleeping to have the wildest dreams.

But there was one little problem.. today he couldn't focus but it wasn't because anything bad had happened or he was drained. It was because of you. Specifically your adorable face.

Now, he always thought you had a cute face but it seemed that today his eyes and thoughts lingered there. How is it that you were just.. so adorable today? It got him all warm and fuzzy on the inside, he couldn't help it!

Saeran always paid attention to every single word that you said but he didn't even realize how much he was observing you until you giggled and asked him if anything was wrong.

"Ah.. it's nothing, haha.." His eyes widened as he sat up better, fully flustered as it showed on his cheeks. It was funny in a way that he didn't even see it himself how much you had an affect on him. The world could be burning and he would focus on you like you were the most beautiful thing in the whole world.

"I guess.. your cuteness got to me well today, my love." He let out a small laugh as he saw you being flustered instead. Moments like these he wanted to cherish forever. Just you and him doing anything together. It didn't matter what, just that you were besides each other.

When the laughing stopped, it was only you two gazing in each other's eyes. Saeran's eyes always held this love for you and his expression was always the softest. And don't forget the warm smile he wore whenever he saw you. All the things on his face were full of love only for you.

"I adore moments like these.. just being with you.. it makes me really happy." And it was always true. Anytime you were near him, he felt like he could do anything. These warm and good feelings you were making him feel will always make him feel weak in the knees for you.

His heart always racing and beating only for you, his one and only love. On cloud nine he would often feel and this amount of great peace and joy was often what he felt like. Just you two being free and being able to do anything.

You got lost in his eyes as well because you didn't even see his hand going under your chin and very gently lifting it up as he got closer to capture your lips on his. It made your heart beating really fast when you realized and it wasn't long before you relaxed and melted.

And how good it felt whenever he wrapped his arms around you only to hold you closer to him. Enough grip to hold you tight but careful enough to also not hurt you. Saeran will always make sure to treat you with respect and love and it always made you melt even more in his arms.

"Wow.. it's impossible, you're more adorable now when I see you like this..." Was all he said and laughed while you were a blushing mess. He reached out to press a kiss on your forehead as he snuggled more into you.

"Now.. could you tell me about your day from the beginning, my love? I'm afraid I was distracted by your beauty." He chuckled a bit as you blushed once again. And this time, he did listen.

But it didn't change something he did occasionally. Leave kisses all over you. How could he not..?

[homosexualsdotorg]

some sibling teasing ft my boys :D

[urgeforpurge]

Searan Choi

[darling-aries]

Taylor Swifts unreleased song Need 100% gives me GE Saeran and Ray vibes.

Want is the cigarette smoke on a jacket

You wore to the wrong part of town

Desire is the sound of the whiskey

Telling me you miss me, can you come around?

Passion is a passing thing

It's accidental chemistry

Lust is a liar, a short-lived fire

It ain't what you and I are at all

Oh, it's a need, it's a need

I would go anywhere that you lead

I am hopeless, breathless, burning slow

Touch me, hold me, tell me, "I won't let you go"

I won't leave, it's a need

Danger is a thousand prickles on my neck

That tell me to run or to freeze

Fear is the nightmare I had, you were with someone else

You forgot about me

Passion is a passing thing

It's accidental chemistry

Caught up in a feeling, it can be deceiving

This is like breathing for me

Oh, it's a need, it's a need

I would go anywhere that you lead

I am hopeless, breathless, burning slow

Touch me, hold me, tell me, "I won't let you go"

I won't leave, it's a need

Baby, it's always

A new kiss every time we do this

The truth is

It's essential to me

That you love me more than

Wishing, longing

Oh, it's a need (It's a need), it's a need (Ah-ah, ah-ah)

I would go (I would go) anywhere (Anywhere) that you lead (Oh, oh)

I am hopeless, breathless, burning slow (Burning slow)

Touch me, hold me, tell me, "I won't let you go"

I won't leave (I won't leave), it's a need (Oh)

[asterjennifer]

© @bloodvanessa on Tumblr

Flawed

Fandom: Mystic Messenger

Pairing: SE Saeran x Reader

Category: Angst

Warnings: Arguing, Codependency

Word count: 2891

Author's Note: The Mystictober really drained me out lol. Guys I got your stuff saved up! But at this point idk what I'm doing for the time being shshs I'm just braindead-

Summary: As messy as it can be; there are moments bringing clarity to the surface.

It's just that it takes some communication for that to happen successfully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So..” She put her hands on her hips, the probable plan more than obvious. “You thought I don't know what's going on?”

He dodged her large-scale assessment, especially when taking hold at his body. Shame crept secretly between the door and the room as if he's forced to ask for it leave despite the stubbornness of standing its ground at the most unpleasant time.

Her jaw tense, she decided to first wait for his explanation before busting through the roof unjustified like it happened before. She's willing to understand the circumstances that caused habitual changes in the first place. Her wrinkle free stare glooming through the room must've been imitating like nothing else managed.

He let his head drop down into the palm of his burning, pale hand. Red strands of hair trapped in between reminding him how she started nagging at him to use the conditioner for the love of its texture. She touched it more often when feeling soft, therefore he tried remembering making use of the product he found unnecessary.

They didn't know where they stood; what the place was called they lived in. If it's home or just a hypocritical temptation of pretending it to be their place to spend their time in. He suffocated casually ableit regularly at a daily basis. She didn't seem to share the thin oxygen cut short whenever the slightest shift took place.

It's so familiar to her, he thought bitter. Like she couldn't afford even acknowledging the rather unpleasant atmosphere given the ridiculous amount of fear controlling her heart. Too many times and by now she's able to sense when he just pulls that cursed suitcase from the wardrobe.

He already knew the magnitude he had evoked once again, although he tried to avoid or at least reduce it. Regardless how much conflict filled the hours, it appeared to be an endless circle neither of them had the strength of leaving behind. With the difference he at least held the truth in front of his eyes by reminding himself of the flaws in between while she refused violently.

“It's the same as always,” He muttered back at her. “I want to leave and I'm gonna do it this time.” They stayed silent for way too long, his fingertips freezed down in the meantime. He'd knew she would throw the door shut when claiming to leave.

He closed his eyes to avoid the echo giving him an headache and instead grabbed one of the prepared shirts and stuffed it into the suitcase. Not the very first time for that to happen, yet every single occasion left the same anxious scars behind. He should've known she'd catch his wrist when continuing to pack up.

He sighed to himself as her nails slightly scratched his senstive skin. “Really?” She sounded almost shocked. “Again..? What have I done this time? Or what thought told you to fuck off..” As if she's seeing the depths of his mind, probably due to him spilling way too many secrets kept inside to prevent them from spilling over.

His attempt to pull away from her grip ended in vain; not because he's physically weaker than her. Simply because he's having no heart to actually hurt her that way. “We aren't good and you know it.”

His knees hurt from kneeling in the same position for ages, yet he kept his body still. Her hand loosened up occasionally, letting him know how torn she must've felt herself. “After all this work.. You keep thinking that we can't be together. Seriously..?” She's offended and it's her right.

At least in his eyes. He shook his head, turing his body to the side to find her standing taller than him. She just had taken a shower; hair still wet and curly at the ends. The water drops running down her neck, over her collarbone to let the evening sun reflect the orange light outside. She shivered when only covered in her towel and her lower lip colored blueish given the wamrth of the room's gone.

She's so very pretty, he found himself admiring her full being even though her eyes shot stares possessed with venom. He could've wondered how she heard him sneaking out of the living room into the bedroom to get his suitcase packed up yet again. However, knowing his lover, it's no surprise she's used to picking up signals.

He swallowed the thick lump blocking his throat. “It's useless.” She noticed him avoiding her after letting his eyes wander to the other side of the room. “Don't start the whining again, I'm leaving.”

She inhaled sharp, the same impact like she's smacked his face with the flat hand. Funny enough that she has never been once violent with him before. The pain he caused her despite his best efforts preventing her heart from aching let him feel guilty to the bone, every time a little bit more. She stood there at odds, stunned, even if it wasn't the first time the two had had such a conversation.

The grip around his arm suddenly disappeared, leaving him to cool off against his will even further. She pulled the hand to the towel covering her body, digging the same nails now into the wet fabric. “Is that so?” She asked, hissed if anything.

“Well… if even my words don't mean anything anymore then I guess I can't stop you.” That's new.

His head shot up by the words he'd never received before. Normally it's expected for her to either throw a tantrum and point out just how much shit they went through together; that it's wasted potential if they broke up now. And if she didn't use that argument, she would declare her love and need for his presence until it make his knees weak. That one ended mostly in a sleepless night for the both of them.

She met his confusion, eyes narrowing at his reaction. “What?!” Her defensive made her snap out, hair falling gently over her shoulder in contrast. “You wanna leave? Then go already. It's not like my words will change anything.”

The way she rolled her eyes had his body paralyzed. That's nothing he'd dealt with in the entire relationship, neither in theirs nor in any he shared before. It's overwhelming to hear the person you hold deep meaning and love for agree to your idea to abandon everything. It caught him so off guard he couldn't think for a slow motion moment.

Her bare feet on the floor caused the spot to stay wet, the longer she stood in the door frame the more water hit the ground. Although she'd been telling him to leave, her actions were contradicting exactly that. Was it a sign? He almost begged for it in the back of his head. His hand lifted in hesitation, should he truly complete packing his stuff?

After crossing her arms, her left index finger tapped in rhythm against her soft skin. Like a counter of some sort; showing the long seconds he's referring from doing what he's supposed to finish. He looked up to her, seeking any answer in her facial expression. That's when she raised an eyebrow at him. Motherly behavior, or at least what he imagined would it be like. She gritted her teeth at his slow pace.

“What are you waiting for!?” It should've been a question, however, it ended as an accusation. “Go, put everything in that fucking suitcase so I can lock the door once you're out.” She waved her hand at him in a «be gone already» manner.

Resembling a kicked puppy after chewing the sofa, he just gazed at her with wide, blue eyes. Was she that done? Finally had enough of his bullshit and the hurt that never died down thanks to his absurd personality? Was her pain so unbearable by now she's not able to carry on this messed up routine anymore? Did her love for him faded out due to his unreasonable actions?

Endless questions and as it seemed no answers in the near future. His heart contracted dangerously quick, taking away the ability to breathe correctly. His lips parted in panic, not a single noise fell out though. Awkward, he pressed them shut as he's scared of the next move being the one crossing the line once and for all.

Her shoulders tensed harder, helping him tear from the trance. “You— You are fine with that now?” The words left before he's aware what he's saying to her.

Her left eye twitched. With uncertainty? With anger? Out of frustration? Now when he needed it most he couldn't read her body language. “Does it matter..?” To the edge filled with poison. “Don't be a scaredy-cat and finally pull through with your shit!”

It would've offended him when speaking to him in such a tone of voice. Right now all he could think about's his heart that's about to bust out his chest. She didn't say she's fine with it; what imprecation held that statement? Countless thoughts made it difficult, almost impossible soothing out his situation to find the best solution. In the end his body reacted first to stand back up.

She followed his motion with her head, not a single change to find in her face. His chest tightened since he's unsure what it meant. “Are you…” He searched for the right words inside the room. “Do you not want me around anymore..?” She huffed immediately.

“Does that really matter?” Same question asked twice that evening. She took a step back to point with her hand to the entrance door of her apartment. “This is what you want; you get it. Where's the issue now!?”

His brows frowned some more. “No,” He refused to take that as an answer and shook his head. “I mean if you are sick of me now.” He's taken aback by the loud, desperate growl killing the silence of the air. She raised her hand and pressed it to her eyes in what looked like annoyance.

He noticed the unobtrusive, fading blue color on her neck he'd left not too long ago. Another strike of guilt. “Why is that important now…” The way she looked at him then sent a cold shower down his spine in weariness. “Get your ass out of my place if you're fed up with me! It shouldn't be of interest to you what I feel!”

“It matters to me..!” He yelled back, hand held with desperation over his heart unconsciously. “Of course it's of interest to me, you think I could take it if you want me gone!?” Another wave of nothingness crashed over their tangled heads.

She blinked surpsied by the sudden outburst on his part; no denying as he had shocked himself a little as well. Her body crouched forward as if to shield herself and it urged him to just grab her for another close embrace. “If you can't take it… why do you do this over and over.”

A justified statement which he couldn't defend. She lowered her head forward; wet hair still tingling against her now dry skin as she let the gears over her mind ratter. “Is it like.. a passtime? Some weird need for you to make me go nuts and plead you don't go!?” Her next questions won on volume.

“What the fuck is this for, then?!” She yelped, walking into his direction until she could push him by the chest. “Do you really enjoy making me scared all the time, to feel better about yourself or something?”

He lost on balance by the pressure, stumbling over the suitcase still spread out on the floor before hitting the wall with the back. “Your fucking ego needs the fragile, paranoid (N) to feel worth of shit!? I'm not a damn doll, Saeran—” He cut her by being the one grabbing her wrist next.

“You know me, don't you?” He pulled her face to face, keeping the eye contact intense as his own burned from getting called out. “Then you should know how fucked up I am! And how I��� I can't help but feel insecure!”

She felt a shudder of fear rush through her veins for a brief moment. He reduced his strength a little; enough for her to pull away in case she desired so. However, she let him hold onto her. His strict eyes softened as his voice fell into a whisper. “You are too good for me.” He said what he usually were only brave enough to think.

“Can you guess how much I need that confirmation you feel anything for me that's not repulsion..?” She stiffened in his hand, he could feel it. It made him sigh the heavy breath he'd been holding.

He pressed his teeth together; fire of self-hatred flaming up and bubbling underneath his skin all over again. It made the vision of his become blurry, head falling down as much as possible to hide the shame consuming his emotions. He wasn't good enough for her. It showed by the current position they were in. He wasn't and he couldn't blame anyone beside himself for destroying the one thing he wanted to cherish rightfully.

“But… You're right,” He husked the words in a raw tone, letting loose of her some more. “I should finally fuck off for real.” He admitted the thing he'd been scared of ever since kissing her for the first time at the charity party.

Against all bones in his body screaming at him to do otherwise, he turned around to kneel and keep panicking his suitcase. It has been foreseeable that one day it would fail, yet he wanted to draw out that moment. It seemed hopeless from the very beginning and there he was again; wondering why he let himself get involved with her in the first place instead of walking away.

The weight of the towel being thrown over his head forced a gasp out of his lunges, now he couldn't see anything. “You're so damn lucky I love you.” She grumbled at his ear, closer than suspected.

His heart pulsed in the tips of his ears while she came around to push him back to his butt. Although his vision's gone, the feeling of her body curling up into his let his imagination do the work alone. She placed both hands to his shoulders, forehead touching his neck as she came as close as physically possible. She's even more cold than normally; it made him raise his arms around her out of reflex.

Keeping her warm was one of his everyday jobs for her wellbeing. She'd been the one pulling the damn towel from his head, hitting the floor next to them. She rubbed her cheek to his collar, telling him to also put his legs around her in a cross legged position. Her, completely naked in his hug killed more worries than he wanted to admit.

She was hypothermic, his hands running over her back and spine trembled by her low temperature. “You will get a cold…” Was everything he could offer.

Her hair smelled of the shampoo she used since years; familiar in the most calming sense. Feeling worse for having no selfcontrol, he reached up to play with the curly stands of her hair between his fingertips. “I don't care.” Was all she said.

“But—” Her nails tore on his sweater as a warning. Therefore he shut up. Not wanting to anger her any further. He looked over her shoulder, seeing the little bit of her shape by how near she'd been to him.

She then exhaled low. “If it's damn confirmation you need then ask me..” Her seriousness worried him. “Touch me, yell at me, fight me, fuck me, I don't care what it is. Just don't pretend to leave me..”

Her words chased blush over his cheeks. Too embarrassed to speak he decided to nod at her, luckily that's enough for her to relax in his arms. “Stupid boy.. You're really a pain in the ass sometimes. But I know I'm too so I can't judge.” That made him smirk.

He buried his nose into her hair, wanting to take in more of her sweet scent. “Hmh..” He hummed softly, running his hands up and down in order to heat her somewhat. “Thank you, (N).” Her turn to smile.

She pulled away an inch, hand to his red cheek with a bright look of genuine sympathy in her otherwise grounded eyes which had his knees wobble. “Now be a dear and carry me to the bathroom. I didn't finish showering yet.”

Doing as ordered he picked her up alongside his own body, still a little heavy after what they just went through. The redhead made sure to not stumble over the suitcase a second time and helped her back into the bathroom. Feeling both relived she stopped him from packing; yet ashamed for the blame he carried when it came to her never ending paranoia.

At the end of the day he guessed it's their nature. Or whatever that stopped them from parting ways and find a better path without each other. He's clueless what it could be, but he wasn't in need to find out anyway. Given she'd never leave without him the way he couldn't get by if not having her closure for himself.

[vampire-bitch]

Elise Amell 🔮 - Dragon Age: Origins - Human - Mage  ♀

Clair Hawke 🎭 - Dragon Age 2 - Human - Rouge  ♀

Searan Lavellan 🗡️ - Dragon age: Inquisition - Elf - Warrior  ♂

[honey25]

Story :

Yoosung has searan helped with this, V's (jihyun's) House to blow up. Both hates jihyun, and they wanted revenge for what he did. Included they waiting to V going away. They don't want to kill anyone, Even if he deserves it.

Yoosung supported him so how he deserve it, he need anyone to talk and tight hugging. Or very very many. Now they are best freinds

[lonely-lost-soul]

Kinktober 2023

I know I have a lot of catching up to do! But be patient with me even if stuff extends beyond October LMAO ;-; anyway, enjoy what I have out for now.

Just for good measure 18+ interactions please and thank you.

Day 1- breeding (Mammon)

Day 2- threesome (Tengen and Rengoku)

Day 3- aphrodisiacs (Gale)

Day 4- semi-public (Denji)

Day 5- mask kink (Eyeless Jack)

Day 6- streamer/obsessed (Shigaraki)

Day 7- detective/criminal (MoonKnight)

Day 8- oral (Neuvilette)

Day 9- closet sex (Tobias Rogers)

Day 10- somnophilia (Halsin)

Day 11- teacher/student (Zhongli)

Day 12- cult leader/worshiper au (Loki)

Day 13- Cockwarming (Scaramouche)

Day 14- mutual mast. (Leviathan) 

Day 15- a/b/o (Geto)

Day 16- hate sex (Mortal!sukuna)

Day 17- size kink (Toji)

Day 18- begging (Searan/Ray)

Day 19- phone sex (Denji)

Day 20- thigh riding (Gojo)

Day 21- bondage (Hoodie)

Day 22- marking kink (Belphagor)

Day 23- vampire au (Akaza)

Day 24- marking (Diavalo)

Day 25- dom reader (Masky)

Day 26- priest/demon au (Asmodeous)

Day 27- dacryphilia (Douma)

Day 28- ghost au (Aki)

Day 29- corruption kink (Astarion)

Day 30- fire play (Dabi)

Day 31- orgy (Kaveh, Alhaitham, Cyno, Tighnari)

[k0kichiimagines]

WOAH OKAY YOUR ANGST WRITING NEARLY MADE ME CRY IT WAS THE ONE ABOUT SAERAN HAVING UNREQUITED FEELINGS FOR MC WHO IS MARRYING SAEYOUNG 😭😭😭

I've had a growing brainrot for saeran/unknown recently and I was wondering if you could write something about finally getting closer to saeran? something like fluff or you can just change it however you want, I trust your writing flair ✋🏻

i love writing se saeran so much <3 ahh i always loved the heart wrenching 'saeran loving mc in saeyoung's route' theories, it shatters my heart but i just had to write something at least once for it - i'm happy you liked it :D !

SE Searan x reader

: you truly do care for him, you'd wait all eternity just to sit by his side once

[Please hurry leave me, I can't breath, please don't say you love me]

[first love / late spring - mitski]

"Saeran?"

Saeyoung had left for the day, off to get a bunch of things done all in one go, and request you to stay. It wasn't uncommon for you to simply hang around the house, you'd grown fond of the twins, Saeyoung in a platonic best friends kind of way, and Saeran in that and a more… romantic sense. He was akin to a stray cat, staying firmly in his corner and only sometimes moving closer, enough for you to see his face clearly and the last bleached strands left in his hair, but never enough for him to do more then awkwardly sit near you.

Right now he was sitting on the grass outside, a blank look on his face as he stared into nothing. He didn't respond to your call, you didn't want to surprise him, nor did you want to leave him without checking on him. You sat next to him, holding your hand out as though to touch him but purposely leaving it hanging in the air - and he seemed to notice that and turn to face you. God, he looked rough, you could see it in his eyes. Silence fell over the both of you, he was clearly more comfortable with you then anyone else on a lot of days - the RFA seemed to see him as an unstable patient, and with his brother there was this awkward tension he could never bare for more then a few minutes at a time. But you didn't want to push it.

"Can I stay near you?"

"Sure." You let your hand drop near him, not yet breaking your gaze.

"Why do you want to?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you want to stay."

"Because I'm worried about you. I care for you." The answer felt too simple, too direct, something Jumin would state with an expression only readable by someone who cared deeply for him in return, but it seemed to be enough for his expression to soften slightly. He turned to stare up at the sky once more, but without the lost expression this time. Comfortable silence fell over the two of you, you followed his gaze to look up at the soft clouds moving slowly above you. A bird flew over once, and another close behind. You heard some more sing elsewhere.

"Are you this nice to everyone?"

"No, only the ones really special to me."

"And I'm special to you? I barely even speak to you." An emotion flickered across his face, guilt? Regret? Hope? You weren't sure, you weren't sure he was either.

"Yeah." You turned to find him looking at you once more, seemingly much closer then he was before. "You're special to me." You confirmed once more, voice trailing off into nothing as he moved close enough that your forehead was centimetres from his, you felt your heart pick up pace, he'd never been so close to you before, not since the day he'd smashed through the apartment window and held you threateningly. "Even if we're not super close right now, I like you. I care for you." Your hands made their away against his cheeks, and his eyes close at the overwhelming feeling of such a gentle touch. "I'm happy just sitting near you like this, I want the best for you, I…" You stopped yourself there. Such words would be too much today.

"Please don't tell me you … Not yet. Not now." His voice cracked ever so slightly at the end of his sentence, and he quickly blinked away any tears that threatened to fall. A useless action, because he felt them run down his face regardless at your soft nod, the unspoken phrase that you didn't need to say for him to feel, he felt it in the way your hands only felt softer against his skin, in the way you rested your forehead against his. In the way that right here, right now, he couldn't think of a single other person on this planet but the two of you.

[marshmallowprotection]

Do you think Rika had an actually desire to be close to MC or was she just trying to hurt V and or control Searan through us?

See, this is a tough question to answer because it ties into a question about Rika’s wants and desires that can only be encapsulated if you put in the time to learn everything about her... from the diary content in the packages you can buy, the flashbacks in every route, and her DLC.

It's not one of those things where I can definitively tell you the answer since there are many factors that go into what she wants and what she needs. In some regard, you could say that both of these things play into it but it's not one or the other. It might feel like there is a sense of totality in this situation but there is not.

So, to answer this question, I’m going to talk at length about a lot of things that most people don’t. I’ll start with the way Rika feels about V and go from that to show you more.

So, what is V to Rika?

If we want to go with the simple answer, you can go ahead and say that he is the sun. You could say that he is the light she imagined when she was stuck in such a dark place. Growing up, she was adopted by a family that abused her in more ways than one. The amount of religious shame and trauma placed upon her Shoulders by her adopted mother is not something to scoff at.

When she did not live up to the expectations that her adoptive mother wanted from her, she was screamed at, locked away, and told repeatedly that she was the devil. She started to believe she was the devil. it didn't matter how hard she tried or what she did to be a better person, she was never good enough. That was just the start of what she went through as a child.

At some point, her adopted mother decided that it was a good idea to give her personal sessions with the pastor. Her mother claimed that it was a good thing that she could be close to God in this way. It was her attempt at trying to cleanse her daughter of everything she imagined to be the devil. However, that Pastor was a monster of a man and did unspeakable things to Rika.

Both of these things together ultimately accumulated on her shoulders. Until one day, when Rika decided she couldn’t take it anymore because her mother hated Sally and threatened her dog, she decided that she would fight back.

She walked right into the church and claimed to be that devil that would destroy all of them. If any of them dared to hurt her or Sally, she would bring hell upon them and nothing could stop her from doing so. She decided that she could be a so-called devil if it meant that she could protect herself. if they were going to call her that, she knew that she could be that if only briefly. 

That was the start of a long and arduous process. It was that decision to feel as though she was the devil that would ultimately lead to her downfall emotionally. After that point, we all know what she started to do for herself. She started to do volunteer work to feel like she could do something good for the world and distract himself from the way that she felt like the devil.

She didn't have a therapist or anybody to turn to to deal with her feelings, and that made it hard for her to confront anything that she had gone through. The only thing that she could do was mask herself. She could pretend that she was okay and for a long time, she thought that if she continued to do that, it would eventually make her feel that way genuinely.

We all know that's not the way it works. She masked for a long time, keeping hard at helping others as best as she could. She met with her cousin Yoosung eventually and inspired him with that mask, then she met Saeyoung and fought to gain his trust because she’d seen her hurt in his eyes.

And then, she met V on a field-trip she had taken with the church. She went to support Saeyoung who got to witness something interesting for a change, and at that place, she V’s photos for the first time in person. It was like a switch went off in her head. She couldn't believe the way that those photographs made her feel. It was as if someone had painted stars with everything she’d ever experienced in her entire life.

She was inspired and impassioned by the way it made her feel. In the midst of that, she also discovered V’s photos for the first time. It didn't take long before she became obsessed with the way that they made her feel, but she knew that she needed to see it in person. 

Rika’s Diary:

A lot of people haven't delved into her Diaries so they do not know the context for these things. As you can see, while she feels a strong admiration and love for Jihyun Kim, there’s something else inside of her heart. It's not that she's falling in love with him. She cares for him but it is not the feeling of somebody who is in love with another person. He makes her feel something she's never felt before and she loses herself inside of that.

She lets her feelings get the better of her as she decides his photographs make her feel like... it should be the same way that he makes her feel. If she loves his photos and they make her feel alive... seen... happy... shouldn’t he make her feel the same way?

The way that she describes how he makes her feel is a lot more complex than being in love with someone. It's as if she's clinging to the idea that being in love with someone can fix the way she feels. After she kisses him, she mentions that she's heard before that showing off your beloved to someone else can make you feel good. She's working on assumptions that everything can be better if she just has the sun. If she just has the person that makes her feel as though the sun can protect her from her devil.

But, as you can see, the longer she's with him in a romantic relationship and trying to build a life with him, you notice that it's less about being in love with him, and it's more about wanting to become him. She wants to be him. She wants to become Jihyun Kim. She doesn't want to be herself and she doesn't want to be the person that is in love with him. She wants to be him. She thinks that all of the problems she feels would go away if she was inside him.

If she could be the artist that builds her sun and makes it feel safe. 

She doesn’t want to be the shades of darkness that pool in her heart. She wants to be the sun.

These are the thoughts that are going on inside of her head that nobody knows about completely unless they have dived into who she is. When you think about what's happening as she's feeling this way, some of the pieces start to come together, don't they? V finds out about her innermost demons the longer they’re together… and he decides that he wants to help her because of his own trauma and neglect he went through. He hasn't even begun to unpack what happened to him and that adds on to how this situation becomes embroiled in a mess.

There is no other way to describe it but a mess. She tries to get therapy through his help, but the therapy doesn’t make it better because who she's working with doesn't seem to care.

She's only in therapy for a few weeks before she gives it up. She doesn't have a therapist who wants to commit themselves to helping her sort through all of the things that she has suffered, and that on top of the way that she copes with her emotions and the way that V tries to redirect her pain… Well, it’s a damn cry for help. V tells her to destroy him to cope with her devil, and she continues to push herself into that realm to handle her darkness. Their relationship was toxic on both ends, but I won't get too heavy into that since we all understand that they hurt and pushed each other in countless ways.

Make no mistake, Rika made her choices and she had many chances to stop. This post is not excusing any of her actions. There were a million ways she could’ve made a different decision and stepped away from what was happening. But, to understand why things happened the way they did, we have to understand what factors went into it and what was going on inside of her head.

I won’t get too deep in Mika since most people don’t even know who Mika is since they haven’t done Rika’s Behind Story, but the long of the short of it is simple. There’s a second party in Rika’s ears, pushing her devil and nudging those insecure and frantic thoughts of hers until she cracks. The combination here of V and Rika’s horrible relationship, Rika’s struggle with mental health, Mika’s hand on Rika’s shoulder ultimately pushed Rika into a corner where it happened.

She cracked.

The moment of no return happened when Rika killed Mother Choi in self-defense and blacked out.

That was the moment when there was no turning back in this game. It became proof that she was the Devil in her eyes, and nothing would change that. You know the rest of it, she decided that she needed to become Saeran’s mother to save him like she wanted to be saved as a child, she and Mika started to build Mint Eye together until Mika’s death, and V and Rika’s relationship collapsed as neither of them could do a thing for the other but self-destruct.

When it comes to V, Rika wants to be him.

So, you could say that her obsession with the player in V Route stems from that. The minute he takes an interest in you is the minute she wants to know more about you. Before that, there wasn't much thought she put into you. But if you'll pay close attention to the way that she tries to get into your head, you'll notice that it's because she wants to better get a grasp on V.

She still wants to be him in many ways but there's no way for her to verbalize that feeling. She's not trying to get close to you to prove that she can hurt V. She knows she can hurt him. She's getting closer to you because he wanted to be close to you. She wants everything that he has because that was the idea of happiness and perfection in her eyes.

Why do you think when V finally realizes what their relationship was… he calls it an obsession? It might be bold to say but they were never really in love with each other. They were obsessed with the idea of what the other could bring to them. It's possible that they thought they were in love with each other but that's not really what it was.

He was looking for an artistic muse that could help him feel as though he was finally together. He found something in her that made sense and it pushed him to feel like he could be more than his father ever was. She found the sun in his eyes and it was all she ever wanted. What she wanted from him was what the photographs made her feel in the first place.

They were never going to get those things out of each other. it was always going to end up in an explosion. So, she wants to be close to you at first because V wants to understand more about you. In the context of that bad ending where you decide to side with her, she settles into her devil and decides that she can be herself as long as you are with her. But there's a part of me that knows she's going to keep chasing after the idea of what she imagines V to be.

She named the cult Mint Eye. She was the one who chose to name it after him and it's obvious that the way she handles things has greatly to do with how much she wants to become him.

Now, if you want to talk about Saeran, that’s a different thing. She wants to take him under her bosom because she got rid of his mother. She feels guilty for doing that even if it was an accident. It wasn't like they went to that house intending to get rid of her for good. Mother Choi threatened the two of them and in the heat of the moment, Rika responded.

The only thing they wanted to do was to make sure that she wouldn't make a fuss or get in the way of the two of them trying to get Saeran away from her for good. They were trying to do it in such a way that it wouldn't tip off Saejoong Choi. The guilt she feels over that action is not something to be discounted.

She truly does think of Saeran and Saeyoung as her sons in Another Story. It’s different when she’s too far gone in the cult mentality and loses sight of her original wants in OS/DP/SE. But, in the prior, she convinces herself that the best way to make amends with killing that woman would be to make sure that the boys were taken care of as a mother. If she became their mother and looked after them the way that they needed, she knew that she could make it right.

She convinced herself that that was the only way to make it right. It's this specific line of thinking that gets her on the path that ultimately leads to what we see in Saeran’s After Ending. 

Her convoluted dream in that reality is to be able to have a family that cannot be taken away from her. Honestly, that's all she ever really wanted. All she ever wanted was to have a family that would be able to know her as she was and not be afraid of the things that she felt. But it is so hard to feel like you can open up to the people that you love and trust. That's why the RFA never really knew her the way that she was.

She was always too afraid to let go of the mask that she had been wearing for so long. But, V and the twins…? They know all facets of her at this point. That's why she makes the deal she does to be able to get the boys in her possession. It might not be the best reality but at least she can have the happy family she always wanted and the boys don't have to die. This gets mangled a bit when it comes to how she sees Saeran and Ray.

Ray is her perfectly molded son. That’s why she screams at GE Saeran that she wants him back.

In his route, we are no stranger to her weaponizing his affection towards us to try and control him. In that situation, it's because she wants to keep him close. He is not only useful to her as a tool, but as the lingering notion of a son. That would slowly lose itself over time. The further she falls into being the savior over time, the less she starts to see him as a son and more as a weapon for her personal gain for revenge.

She loses sight of everything she wanted by the time you get to romance the RFA instead of Ray and V. That's particularly why it hurts so much when she screams at Unknown during the Secret Ending she wanted to take Saeyoung instead… that she never wanted him. That's not actually the truth. But, there is so much nuance to this stuff. So, yes, she is willing to weaponize people in the name of getting what she wants, but that's not always the case because she can be a little wishy-washy with her own desires.

Now, do I think that she genuinely wants to be able to know the MC? 

I think there are circumstances when she does want to get to know you. you remind her of the person she used to be, or at least the person that her mask was trying to be. In that sense, she knows you but she doesn't know you. She wants to know how you survive living that way. She wants to understand how you are the way you are.

If there is somebody that is just like the way she wanted to be, there's nothing more that she could want then to get inside of their head to know what makes them tick. I think she wants to know you for the sake of knowing herself. Do I think that that could be something that is good for her? In some ways, Yes. In other ways, no.