#ge saeran x mc

[darling-aries]

Taylor Swifts unreleased song Need 100% gives me GE Saeran and Ray vibes.

Want is the cigarette smoke on a jacket

You wore to the wrong part of town

Desire is the sound of the whiskey

Telling me you miss me, can you come around?

Passion is a passing thing

It's accidental chemistry

Lust is a liar, a short-lived fire

It ain't what you and I are at all

Oh, it's a need, it's a need

I would go anywhere that you lead

I am hopeless, breathless, burning slow

Touch me, hold me, tell me, "I won't let you go"

I won't leave, it's a need

Danger is a thousand prickles on my neck

That tell me to run or to freeze

Fear is the nightmare I had, you were with someone else

You forgot about me

Passion is a passing thing

It's accidental chemistry

Caught up in a feeling, it can be deceiving

This is like breathing for me

Oh, it's a need, it's a need

I would go anywhere that you lead

I am hopeless, breathless, burning slow

Touch me, hold me, tell me, "I won't let you go"

I won't leave, it's a need

Baby, it's always

A new kiss every time we do this

The truth is

It's essential to me

That you love me more than

Wishing, longing

Oh, it's a need (It's a need), it's a need (Ah-ah, ah-ah)

I would go (I would go) anywhere (Anywhere) that you lead (Oh, oh)

I am hopeless, breathless, burning slow (Burning slow)

Touch me, hold me, tell me, "I won't let you go"

I won't leave (I won't leave), it's a need (Oh)

[dailysaeran]

Butler Ray 🩷

[sapphireicecream]

Seems he has someone special on his mind~ 🤔👀🌸

[rayroseu]

i did these sketches a long time ago of what i would drew if i was stuck at mint eye💥

obviously all of them are about the pretty flower prince, happiest birthday to you, saeran and saeyoung choi 💕‼️

since 2018 player here and my adoration for him still lives 🥺✨ lets spend another four seasons this year again 🥰💖

[schmellows]

[littleaipom]

Alright, I'm breaking out this drawing from 2021. Kisses with Saeran <3

[rfaromance]

ok ok so human suit leaving cat suit with MC. saeray and mc leaving mint eye the next day and it's not until they reach the cabin that saeray wonders what happened to cat suit if mc is with him now. he isn't going to say anything bc mc doesn't need more things to worry about and then mc opens their bag and is like "okay you can come out now" and a second later saeray has a lap full of black and white fur and it is purring LOUDLY. and probably meowing, bc cats will yell at you for leaving

"Okay, you can come out now."

Saeray could not believe his eyes as a delightfully familiar heap of black-and-white fur fell onto his lap. His gaze flickered first to his beloved, then to his lap, then to the bag, then back to his smiling lover.

He was unsure of where his focus should be or what to say first. Ever since he had grabbed MC's hand to make an escape from their gilded birdcage, his mind had simultaneously been the clearest it had ever been but also as tumultuous as a typhoon.

"When... did you...?"

He didn't get a chance to finish his question, as a high-pitched yowl cut him off. The cry for his attention effectively brought Saeray's eyes back to his lap, where Suit the cat (MC had informed him this was a cat) continued to make distressed meows.

For a moment, Saeray expected the cat to jump and run underneath a chair or cower in the corner. He knew Suit was a skittish creature, and even if the Saeran who first found the cat was still part of him... Saeray was not the same person who Suit knew. Would he resent both of them for the events that led to him ending up here? MC, too?

The feeling of anxious claws digging into his thigh almost seemed to confirm Saeray's worst fears. But then he saw that the cat had extended his snout to give Saeray's shirt a cautious sniff. Hesitantly, Saeray lifted a shaky hand and held it just above the cat's ears.

Once again, Suit gave a careful sniff. He paused, as if evaluating the scent and the other aspects of this new person. Just as Saeray expected Suit to use his legs as a launchpad, the cat rammed his head against the young man's hovering hand. Purring like a computer hard drive, Suit butted his head against Saeray's hand repeatedly, then nuzzled his face up and down the young man's arm, eager to mark him with his scent.

"I knew he'd like you," MC announced at last, a beaming smile on their face. "He loves you, all of you. Just as I d--"

A wailing meow cut them off. Clearly, Suit did not want to share the attention with anyone else right now. He walked in a circle and then settled himself squarely in the middle of Saeray's lap, digging his nose firmly into the man's abdomen.

Saeray chuckled and blinked slowly at MC. A simple gesture, but with his eyes full of glistening tears of joy, it was one that indicated his understanding, his appreciation, and his adoration for his lover's kindness.

He'd learned that trick from Suit.

[awbublie]

chat domestic bliss? mc x saeran

i raise you one better

i will forever love ge saeran but please my first heartache was for unknown

the piercings! the tats!

[mochiimiiki]

| Saeran Choi Headcanons |

{GE Saeran x mc}

Warnings: spoilers for Saeran/ Ray route and after ending, sevens real name, some parts slightly suggestive (will be marker) so feel free to ignore those bits

A/N: the amount of pain and angst this man specifically has gone through is unbearable, out of all of the RFA members him and seven had it worst (my opinion). Anyways some happy hc because i think he deserves to be happy

- - -

After everything was resolved between Saeran and Saeyoung (which mind you took a while) the three of you decided to move and leave behind Saeyoung’s bunker, a place you had called home for the last six months

the reason for this choice was quite simple; a reminder of what was.

the twins didn’t need a reminder of everything that had happened over the course of time anymore than they needed the unpleasant memories. So they left.

The house which saeran and you moved to is a beautiful cottage, with a small farm attached. Saeran spends most of his days attending to the livestock and garden he grows, don’t worry though he definitely doesn’t neglect you (whether saeyoung came or not is up to you)

Saeran spends his days down in the dirt, very literally. As he’s all hands and knees and very much determined the best plants are grown from intense love and care

other than gardening and farming Saeran’s other past times are reading. He doesn’t have a particularly favourite genre but loves a good book with a happy ending. He reads all the books he can possibly get his hands on, very much including children books and fantasy novels. He was deprived of imagination when he was small so now he allows himself to indulge in it as he’s free to do

Saeran spends as much time with Saeyoung as he does his garden. This is mostly because Saeyoung is always around helping out on the farm, trying after years of being seperated to bond with his brother. Saeran deeply appreciates Saeyoung doing this as he knows being outside is something out of a comfort zone for Saeyoung (with unpleasant memories still always fresh Saeyoung feels safest behind a desk and screen).

Saeran is actually afraid of the dark so hopefully you don’t mind but he keeps a little nightlight by his bed side, it’s actually a cat and can change all sort of colours. It was invented by Saeyoung no doubt. Saeran treasures it with his whole heart.

Everytime you and Saeran go shopping he always collects a little toy, his inner child never had so much as a teddy bear so when he sees something he likes he gets it. Of course he asks you if he even should or if that’s silly, but naturally you insist that it’ll help heal his inner child.

Everytime Saeran sees you he gives you a kiss. On the forehead, cheek, neck, shoulder or lips it really doesn’t matter. He feels like giving you a kiss each time you see one another. It grounds him, reminds him that even though he has nightmares this, with you, is real.

Which means he ends up kissing you very often; you’re watching tv and he comes in from the garden. A kiss. You’re making dinner together and you go to the toilet, come back, a kiss. it doesn’t matter how much time apart you’ve spent. He just has to give you a kiss.

Now as mentioned before he does get nightmares and unfortunately they’re quite often, gently shake him awake if you hear him crying out in his sleep and murmur that it’ll be okay. He’ll hold you without saying anything until he drifts off again. Over time they fade away as he heals.

{suggestive} each time the two of you make love, and yes it’s 100% love making, saeran makes it his duty to tend to you. Running a soft, warm cloth over your body as you come down from your high. fixing your sweaty hair out of your face before heading off to fetch you some water and maybe a snack if you’re hungry. He treasures you and shows you that every way possible.

ofc u should give him aftercare everyone once in awhile (after you do he’ll not stop kissing ur face <3)

Saeran is a very tactile person. He went so long without physical touch that now he has yours he won’t let it go, ever. Has a hand on you, hovering about you or grabbing you every time he’s around. It’s probably another form of grounding for him, especially in crowded places where he feels very out of place and anxious.

Saeran 100% has hands on you everytime you kiss as well. and i mean everytime.

Work wise neither you nor saeran probably need to work as saeyoung has a lot of money and sold multiple cars to give saeran money. (he confirms at one point the gathering of cars was for his family)

However, Saeran never got to experience normal work and pay and so he does in fact work for awhile. He stays on with Jumin even after Jumin got elected and worked as part of a security team for a few months. But when you guys moved to the cottage/ farm he quit his job to focus on his life with you and Saeyoung. He just wanted a little bit of normalcy to feel complete.

One thing that doesn’t sit right with him no matter how much time has gone by is being out and about in a normal shop with normal people. It just never feels quite normal. He will of course insist on coming with you anytime you want to go shopping but other than that he doesn’t express any interest in exploring things like the cinema or public pools. Public places with so many people make him uncomfortable, especially with the way he’s recognised now because of the debacle with his dad.

His sanctuary is being in your arms, chatting with Saeyoung and your little farm together. (farmer Saeran brainrot)

Saeran devotes everything he has to you, that fact does not change no matter how much time passes. Every choice he makes is with you in mind, despite the fact you trying to dissuade him in order for him to form his own choices. But they are still his own decisions that he was free to make, he didn’t decide these things because he felt indebted to you but rather because he simply adores you and that was what he wanted to do to show you.

[brighteststar707]

Request for the blogiversary event for @princessjung!

Naturally Gravitating Closer Together

✦ GE Saeran x Fem!MC

✦ Words: 784

It is a fact well-known amongst the members of the RFA that if you are looking for Saeran, you will always find his love close by. It started as a joke, but it has proven true more often than not.  

From the outside, they resemble two magnets, always drawn back to each other when pulled apart. It started out as a genuine fear of losing each other when they were dealing with his father and all the dangers surrounding them. Even when things looked dire, they had each other, and being close was a way to reassure themselves of each other’s safety.

At least they could hold on to each other when everything else was hanging in the balance.

It has since evolved into being about the simple comfort they can provide each other. They might not be in danger anymore (even though that fear is taking some time to unlearn), but they still feel a need to be close to each other. Put them in a room – an RFA meeting, for example – and even if they start on opposite sides of the room, they will subconsciously drift back towards each other and meet again in the middle.

It’s something the RFA like to tease them about, but even they can’t deny the happiness radiating from the two of them. It’s almost contagious. 

From Saeran's perspective, they feel more like two puzzle pieces, incomplete unless they are together. Sure, they can function by themselves, but the absence of the other will always be in the back of their minds, an unpleasant emptiness that can only be filled by the presence of their love. 

So, they are always together – or on their way to each other.

This was true the first time they met, when the RFA found the two of them sitting together, holding hands. They didn’t once leave each other’s side as they introduced themselves officially.  

This was true throughout the hunt for Saeyoung, when there was a table in the surveillance room at C&R that was theirs in all but name (often claimed by their set of matching mugs and stack of papers). For hours they’d sit there and pore over the information they were receiving and discussing different courses of action, shuffling closer every hour until they were touching. At the end of each day, the chairs would always end up together on one side of the table.

This was true even after they rescued Saeyoung, when they were making efforts to leave the past behind them and move forward into a life that they could shape for themselves. Even though their new home had enough rooms for them all to have their own spaces, they were rarely apart.

If Saeran was cooking something, it wouldn’t take long for her to appear by his side, offering to help and sneaking little bites of the dishes he was making. On movie nights, despite the sofa being big enough for them both to stretch out on, they always end up tucked up against each other (and often asleep under their pile of blankets). Even out in the garden, they could be found working together and admiring the fruits of their labour.

It’s subtle, but when they are apart, they still look for each other. Whether it’s reaching for each other out of habit and grasping empty air or subconsciously looking for them in a crowd.

Saeran can read her like a book. He thinks it’s cute when she tries to be subtle and hide her thoughts, but he can tell what she’s thinking from just the look on her face. They have developed a language of their own, love expressed through reassuring touches to remind them that they are not alone.

All it takes is a glance that asks are you alright? And her squeezing his hand to say I’m okay.

There is comfort in being able to understand each other so well. He knows her tells, just as she knows his. The little signs she gives when she's uncomfortable or struggling. He wastes no time getting to her when he notices that she's upset and wraps her in his arms. He may not be able to solve all her problems for her, much as he wishes he could. But she nestles against his chest and in some ways it's enough to have each other to hold on to.

In the good times and in the bad. There is one thing they can trust, and it's that where one goes, the other won't be far behind.

[password-door-lock]

Masterlist

Headcanons/Asks RFA wedding napkin preferences [1.7k words] What would Saeran’s career be like after the events of Gummy Worms [525 words] Sharing a bed with all Saerans [2k words] Video calling with SE Saeran [874 words] Sneak Peak at Gummy Worms 2 [872 words] Studying with GE Saeran [327 words]  Road trips with all Saerans [2.1k words] Comfort from all Saerans after a long day at work [1.1k words] Unknown’s complicated relationship with sleep [769 words]

Drabbles Far too much description of the pink room [1.8k words] Being Unknown’s assistant is 1000x better than my actual job [540 words] Giving Unknown a full length mirror so that he can see how weird his boots look [1.5k words] Calling Suit for the express purpose of telling dad jokes [1.2k words] Bothering Unknown until he tells you who he is lol [1.2k words] Introducing SE Saeran to match 3 games (and koalas) [954 words] Idol Unknown goes live (set during Gummy Worms) [1.2k words] You get a cold in the intelligence room as Unknown’s assistant [1.4k words] Suit dresses up as Ray and asks for a kiss [947 words] Saying “yes” to GE Saeran [884 words] Sneaking into the kitchen at Magenta to cook something for Suit [1.5k words] Unknown comforts you after you see a bug [1.1k words] Surprising Unknown with a “Christmas” gift [1.3k words] Giving Unknown one of those fancy promotional tea drinks that comes with a plushie [981 words] Indoor picnic with GE Saeran [723 words] Unknown sits on your lap (for control-based reasons, of course) [813 words] Asking Suit Saeran to stay after his apology [1.4k words] Trying to be a proper assistant for Unknown [1.6k words] The Mint Eye server crashes and you and Unknown banter about it lol [1k words] Ray accidentally steals your glove while “observing” you at work [1.5k words] You try and fail to input the password on the door lock (but at least you get to meet Unknown) [1.4k words] You and Saeran comfort one another on day 3 of his AE [944 words] Asking Unknown if he ever gets tired [1.2k words] Unknown watches you through your webcam [1.2k words] Telling Unknown that you’re bored of working [722 words] Contemplating your feelings for Unknown while he sleeps beside you [768 words] Unknown “comforts” (manipulates) you after bringing you to Magenta [858 words] Going out for ice cream with Unknown [1.2k words] Making ice cream from scratch with Saeyoung and GE Saeran [1.5k words] Catboy Unknown AU [800 words] GE Saeran in the maid dress [1.1k words] SE Saeran gets his driver’s license 1.3k words] Cooking dinner with GE Saeran [851 words] Unknown gets angry after Elizabeth the Third is taken from him [986 words] Unknown falls asleep with you [399 words] Unknown is surprised by what he finds on your phone [1.2k words] A moment with Saeran on day 3 of his AE [883 words] New Years with VAE Suit [762 words]

Collections Mystictober 2023 Fake Chats  Mystictober 2024 12 Days of Christmas Unknown

Oneshots The Cheesiest (Introducing GE Saeran to boxed mac ‘n’ cheese) [3.2k words] Mischief Night (Unknown crashes the RFA Halloween Party) [3.6k words] Caramel Apple (Unknown contemplates his feelings for MC a year after crashing the RFA Halloween Party) [4.6k words] Puppet Show (Based on the iconic puppet show cg ofc) [4.4k words] Everything More Than a Dream (Role reversal: you are fictional and SE Saeran is very real) [5.4k words] Peach Blossoms & Banksia (Say hello to Danger Ray) [12.8k words] Just Like Any Normal Couple (Fake dating with Unknown) [11.4k words] Gummy Worms (Idol Unknown AU) [28.2k words]  Orange Roses (Vampire Ray and Vampire Suit) [2.6k words] Rose Leaf (Vampire Unknown x Reader) [2.6k words] Maybe (Choi twins Linguistics AU; no pairings as of now) [3k words] Secret Santa (Christmas with Unknown) [7.4k words] Be (anything but) my valentine (Valentines Day with Suit Saeran) [10.2k words] Bleach (Helping Unknown bleach his hair) [6k words] Birthday Gift (Choi Twins birthday angst set after Saeyoung’s BSE 1; Unknown x Reader and Saeyoung x reader) [4k words] Cake! (Based on Unknown’s 2024 Birthday CG) [11.1k words] Whatever You Want (Unknown lets you tell him what to do) [9.1k words] Lump of Coal (An angsty Christmas with Unknown) [11.7k words]

Multi-Chapter Blue Light (Assistant AU / Unknown redemption arc set on Yoosung’s route for some inexplicable reason, a creative decision which I question daily; 30/30 Chapters) [140k words] Glow-In-The-Dark (Fantasy AU, Unknown x MC, 14/14 Chapters) [66.8k words] Four Seasons by Your Side (Dates with GE Saeran, 1/? Chapters) [918 words]

[marshmallowprotection]

Hiya! ^^

I just wanted to ask something about GE Saeran that's come to really interest me lately as I'm in the planning stages of writing a Saeran x CMC piece -

And it's that...does GE Saeran still get flashbacks? Obviously he has become his own person now, but he is still a fusion of Ray and Suit, and he explicitly states multiple times in his AE that he does remember everything.

...and everything he did to MC.

Which leads me to be curious about - even though in that call where we're given the option to bring up how cruel(?) Suit was...

In his answer, Saeran goes quiet and apologises again, adding a little analysis of how Suit didn't mean to behave how he did (or something like that)

But I was wondering...would GE Saeran ever get let's say, overwhelmed, by all of these memories?

In the piece I'm planning, there's a part Saeran sort of comes to a halt and sinks into recalling all of the negatives. It hits him all at once, images, memories, things he had said...all of it. His remorse just slaps and he...starts to cry tides.

Because...after all, I suppose, GE is proud of how far he'd come and who he now is with our help.

His love is boundless, pure and absolute devotion -

But...surely he'd still be...haunted?

Do you think?

GE Saeran is remorseful for everything Ray and Suit Saeran did to you in Mint Eye. Those two both did things that weren't okay, and that's a fact. He understands that. He knows that you could've had every reason in the world not to forgive them or him for what went down in Magenta. In fact, you had every right to not forgive them. You did, anyway, though. You forgave those two and by extension, him, too.

You understood them and their horrible plight.

You understood him and that harsh, cruel pain.

This is something he affirms countless times through the end of Ray Route and the After Ending. He doesn't mince words and he doesn't hold back when he talks about the things he's guilty of. You can say whatever you need to say and he won't be upset because you're right about it. He won't be offended or upset. You're entitled to feel what you feel.

He did hurt you in the past and even though he's trying to make up for it, you are still entitled to your feelings about it. He understands that having this second chance with you means that he needs to put in a lot of work to make sure that he doesn't screw up again. You gave him another chance and he doesn't want to take that for granted.

This is something important to say because not a lot of people realize it. He hasn't forgiven himself for what happened. In fact, he doesn't forgive himself for anything that's happened in Mint Eye. He isn't capable of doing that until he confronts the people that pushed him to become that monster in the first place.

His line of thinking is that he can't forgive himself for what he did to you unless he can forgive the people that hurt him first. The reason why he goes down the path of forgiveness is not just because he wants to close that chapter with those people, it's also because he wants to be able to finally forgive himself the way you forgave him. That's why the Good Ending has him confront his father head-on, and the Normal Ending doesn't give him that.

Saeran needs to confront the people who hurt him so he can finally confront himself for being someone who is just as capable of hurting others as them. You forgave him, but he needs that to forgive himself for everything that happened. Even once he learns how to do that, it won't go away all of a sudden. He still knows he has a long way to go to be the man he wants to be.

To be the man you deserve, he knows he has to fight every day to be who he wants to be.

That ultimately means he is haunted by everything he went through. Just because you start to confront the things that have terrorized you your entire life doesn't mean that the flashbacks and the issues you experience every day go away. Just because you've dealt with something doesn't mean that it takes away from how traumatized you might be.

It might lessen the load of everything you deal with but it doesn't make the pain go away. That's a lesson he will have to learn the hard way. Reality can hit at the worst moment when you think you've got it all put together, and then you learn that you don't. Saeran will have those moments, not just from what happened in Mint Eye, but from what he went through as a child.

He is traumatized, after all.

And in many ways, you are, too. You might forgive him, love him, and want to be with him... but even you might have nightmares. He wants you to be honest with him about those, too. If you remember when it wasn't okay... when Ray grabbed you too hard... when Suit Saeran let his cruel words mock you... let him know. He will do whatever you're in need of to make it better.

Does he need to go for a while? Do you need him to reassure you? Is it okay to be here? What won't help? What will make it better?

Those are the same things he would expect you to say when he has his moment of fear, too. That's part of the process of learning how to move onto the future together. Confronting the fears and knowing that you are safe now. You have to be honest with each other if you expect things to get better.

There are countless examples of Saeran showing this remorse and wanting to make things right. I wish there were more of them for Ray sometimes because he needed to own up to his as well, but that's on the game not totally expressing Ray and Suit Saeran's shared guilt of wrongdoing. But, I do think you were asking more about Suit Saeran and his actions in regard to how GE Saeran feels.

Though, I can say this commentary about Ray does help in the way of showing the player's awareness of Ray, which leads me to think there was more talking off-screen between MC and Saeran about many of these things. Ray's problem before realizing it was that his love was obsession and infatuation.

He couldn't create an absolute love that was without trouble. Life isn't a fairytale, but once he was able to see that, he started to try and do the right thing. It was just... too late because Rika realized what was happening and tried to get rid of him before she lost more control over him. Ray wanted out in the end... but he was too scared and manipulated to fight it.

His fear and inability to decide to leave was what made him want to pressure MC into staying there... and in Bad Endings throughout the Another Story routes, he gets that chance but it's not a good ending because that's not what Ray or MC really needed. So, this is one of a few moments that points that out to everyone and I think it's good to have that because far too many people act like Ray is blameless and Suit Saeran is the full one to blame.

Regardless, my friend, you're right, Saeran will struggle a lot and I do think it's reasonable to expect flashbacks, regression, and breakdown events in his future. He has you and his new family, though. I think it will be okay in the end.

[dailysaeran]

From July of this year! Shoutout to Saeran for celebrating his bday in the backrooms

[rayroseu]

"if you wake up from your dream, would you mind telling me all about it?"

[asterjennifer]

Hey Jenni! I hope it's okay for me to send request. I'm wondering if you could write a fic about MC having a nightmare about what Suit Saeran did to her? And how GE Saeran would feel about that and comfort her. I mean, she already forgive Suit but you can't control your nightmares right?

In conclusion, hurt/comfort 😌

🎀 Oh my.. This is so realistic! I often have nightmares myself when I'm stresssed and I remember them so well even to this day. I bet that would happen TT 🎀

© rosita_1199 on Instagram

Night Terror

Fandom: Mystic Messenger

Pairing: GE Saeran x Reader

Category: Angst (Fluff)

Warnings: Flashbacks of past abuse, insults and bullying

Word count: 2616

Summary: It's been quite the ride, finally you all get some calm after the storm.

There're just nights where the fear comes to greet you. And he is both the reason for the pain and the comfort.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You are, in fact, the most useless piece of shit I've ever seen.” He sneered, wrinkling his nose in pure disgust. Wanting to fight back, tell him it's not worth the pain to neither of you, something about the look inside his eyes tore your heart apart. 

No hidden longing left and no sign of the sometimes hesitant movements revealing he's just as scared as you were. There wasn't any of it, only pure and terrifying honest repulsion. Like he didn't know you at all, like Ray's memories were gone with a simple snap. There's nothing of the pain that he tried to cover up by using anger. It's simple antipathy. 

Worse of it all; you didn't know why he suddenly was that way. You sat on the floor inside the normally bright princess room, yet there's no color or light left. The heartbreaking reality stood in front of you to gloom at your body as if really loathing your mere sight. He didn't touch you either, the moment you reached out he withdrew. Like you could affect him with a deadly disease. 

His ocean eyes stone cold. “Your hobby that you like so much? Hah, you're not even good at it.”  He spat into your face. “A toddler would be better than trash like you.” Tears began to run over your face. 

These words, they hurt the most. He'd never said something so genuinely cruel before, this wasn't to shield you in a distant, twisted manner. The man you fell in love with directly attacked the values you held close to your personality and happiness. You shook your head while tearing your stare away. 

“Tsk, at least I starve your body. You're too fat,” He pointed up and down your body, you didn't realize you covered yourself away with both hands at first. “Did nobody tell you about your body yet?” 

“Your curves give me cancer and all the imperfections of your skin are making my eyes sore.” He waved his hand, voice filled to the brim with judgment. 

“Looking ugly and still stupid as fuck,”  Saeran said in a disbelieving tone. “You're not even smart enough to understand concluding facts... How did you manage to get through school?”

He continued the violent words stabbing through your chest carelessly. “Oh right! You don't need brains for school. Just desperation.”

You're suffocating at your own sobs, reminded of all these issues that he now tore open for the first time forever. Saeran could be cruel back then, there's no need to deny the sharp tongue he owned if desired. The one which caused you to cry more than once. However, this was beyond simple insults. You bit your lip, scared saying anything's only making the situation worse. 

Saeran threw his head back as laughter bounced off the walls to continue echo around your head. “Is that why you have these issues with your parents?” He asked amused. Having your lunges burn. 

“I'm sure they regret showing such a broken, worthless being to the day of light.” He shrugged his shoulders, grabbing your chin painfully tight to force your eyes back to his. 

They're so detached, not a trace left of the Saeran you knew. The one working to understand how love’s supposed to feel and fighting own demons in order to do more than just survive. None of it to find, pretending it hadn’t been there in the first place. 

Saeran dug his nails deep into your throat, making you fear he's doing to break through skin. “You don't deserve to cry, look at other people. Look at me.”

A moment of silence followed where you did, he then faked a smile. The corners of his mouth never reached his eyes, but this time he didn't try whatsoever. Back then it hadn't been so painful, he still cared deep down. How come that changed? Have you truly lost the one person you thought would accept even the darker parts of you? Why was he the hurt one. If you could've turned back time and switch his past with yours, you'd do it in a blink of an eye. 

“You're having it great in comparison, but you're the one with the problems? Pathetic.” He hissed angered, tearing you out of self-destructive thoughts. “You're so disgustingly needy for attention, you make your pain look like a big deal..”

“Yet it's nothing. That's why everyone ignores it, but you're not able to stop. All because you're a selfish little fuck.”  You sobbed out, trying to get away from him and these poisonous thoughts which plagued your head before even meeting Saeran. The hacker threw you further, an owner kicking his dog probably had more gentleness than your lover tossing you away. 

Saeran rolled his eyes, already turning on his heels. “No wonder nobody loves you.”  You rubbed the big tears off the corners of your eyes, watching him leave without being able to move from the spot. 

“You're not special,”  He smiled while opening the door. “All of you's replaceable with people who are better at being what you try so hard to become.”

Although you wished to run up and both leave the Magenta complex and stay by his side, not a single muscle obeyed your order to finally get into motion. Saeran shook his head annoyed at your obvious panic, tapping his index finger against his temple. 

You bit down your lower lip as he huffed like he's not believing it. “You know what you deserve?” Scared of the answer, you hugged your body since it's trembling badly. 

“You can die alone, that's all you will ever do right.” A moment of silence followed before he pulled the door close.

——————————

A sharp gasp brought you back into the real world. The hammering pace of your heart drowned out every other sound inside the bedroom, the furniture he and you had chosen along the ride mostly blurry colors lit by the night sky. You couldn't breathe for a moment, it's all stuck in the depths of your lunges until you started coughing up the shock. It shot through your veins, the fire of suffocation. 

You threw your wobbly legs over the bed. Trying to sit up, calming these aching nerves that were dangerously close to snap. It wasn't real.  The smell of flowers rose into your nose, grounding you a bit to the fact you're not at Magenta anymore. You're home. Resting inside the house Saeran, Saeyoung and you decided to buy once things settled down. You're aware, nonetheless, your body's not there yet. 

Things like these just... happened. Nightmares weren't just for the twins to experience. The memories attacked your latest nights as well, maybe in a different sense, but at the end of the day it's the same issue to deal with. You raised your hand, preparing in case the stomach contents wouldn't play along. The filthy taste already covered your tongue, not much before the pretty carpet underneath your feet's ruined. 

Fuck this cult.  Fuck their drugs and fuck them for hurting your man like they've done for years in a row. You hated it with every inch, despite Saeran forgiving the cruelest of all residents. You blinked; eyelashes fluttering shut to not see your world spin. It's uncomfortable, the feeling of being glued to a carousel without consent. These words stuck to your back regardless, vision clear or not, didn't matter. 

Saeran had been bitter and said some hurtful things, but he never used true insecurities to fuck over your sanity. These doubtful worries straddling your head here and there combined with the past insults he used as outlet somehow must've mixed up together into a disgusting, undeserving cruel nightmare. He didn't deserve to be represented that way in your mind, Saeran regretted what had happened more than anyone else. 

“My love?” Ah shit, wrong timing. You didn't have the peace to register he's not with you in bed after jerking awake. He must've left to the toilet or kitchen. Saeran still got problems with sleeping through the night, as he's not used to so many hours for rest. You sighed, wiping your dirty mouth even though you, luckily, didn't throw up. “Hey..” 

Your voice answered, lingering with a hoarse touch in your own ears. Therefore, you didn't want to picture how it sounded to your lover. For a second the quiet dominated the air, having you shiver since the same took place in the nightmare. So you hugged your arms in real life as well. There's no reason to lie or sugarcoat anything, not in these walls where everyone dealt with the ugly aftermath of the abuse caused by outsiders. 

The shift on the mattress let tears swell up in impressive speed. “What's wrong..?” His angelic voice asked, full concern, that got you sick to the stomach for a second time. 

“Nightmare..” You whispered, feeling ashamed albeit relieved. Good thing that's just a nightmare, you couldn't imagine what you would've done if he really would've ended up treating you like this. You pinched your eyes close when shaking your head. No need to imagine as it never had and will happen! These fears were ridiculous. And yet...  

The touch of his hand on your shoulder startled you. “A nightmare? Do you want to talk about it?” Saeran looked confused as you basically fled from the bed. 

“(N)?” He said your name sensually, no hint of hatred or disgust. Saeran wore his white T-shirt and short pants he always put on when going to bed. White hair a blueish touch thanks to the moonlight outside. He's beautiful. But looking at him somehow was no help, on the contrary, your throat narrowed until you couldn't breathe. 

Your eyes lowered to the ground, tears finally spilling over your face. “D-Don't touch me right now, please!” 

God, you felt like a monster for saying that. Saeran's smart, it took a minute at most for him to connect the dots. Nightmare, that worked up state you're in like someone attacked you personally and the fact you couldn't bear his touch. His bright eyes, almost glowing in the dark, widened then. You scratched your arms when seeing it change to an unreadable facial expression out of the corner of your eye. 

He nodded slowly. “Got it, don't worry. I won't.” He didn't even sound surprised, that hurt a lot more than expected. “I'll stay right here.” You pressed both hands to your face. 

How could you do this to him? He's regretting and hating himself for what he'd done back then, despite his plaint reassurances saying otherwise. Yet in moments like these, where the topic reached the surface, it's clear as day. Saeran let his hands fall into his lap, not moving an inch. Afraid moving could trigger you further. 

“No.. It's not your fault,” You sniffed, both angry and sad. Rubbing your nose. “Stupid anxiety melted with the memories. I'm sorry.” 

You stood there, leaning onto the drawer for some physical support when not having the emotional available. Saeran frowned by that. “Why are you apologizing..? It's a dream, you have no way of controlling it.” He assured, it sounded honest. 

“I know, but–” He cut you off in a soft tone. “No, don't. You're okay, it's not your fault..” You chewed on your inner cheek, embracing the cooler air coming through the window. 

A while passed where you just existed. No words, moves or looks. It helped immensely to focus on other things, eventually leading you to find the composure you're seeking since waking up. You took a deep breath, stretching your back straight which felt like liberation. You've been curled up for what you assumed were hours on the bed, going through this unnecessary pain for the both of you. It's unfair, but when was life ever truly fair. 

“You know,” He suddenly started off, catching your attention. Saeran sat there calmly, seeing his eyes wander back to something you didn't know yet was a sight you both were frightened and delighted to see in action. He then licked his lips. 

“I also have nightmares about you at times.” You huffed, a smile creeping over your lips. “Yeah, I know, dear. But you know it's not your fault.” 

It confused you as Saeran shook his head, playing with the sheets between his fingers in a nervous manner. “No, it's not that. Well, sometimes. But I have other nightmares too..” He fell silent again. 

Atmosphere becoming thick, Saeran smiled pained. “I have nightmares where you hurt me like my mom did.” He admitted subdued. Your turn to widen your eyes. Saeran ran one hand through his hair, gathering the courage to continue explaining, you knew him well enough to find these small clues. 

He then smacked his forehead. “It's disgusting, I hate waking up to these kinds of nightmares. They're the worse.” The unfiltered feeling of being upset shone through, you acknowledged that he kept that a secret for quite a while now. 

“I don't even know where they're coming from..” He confessed in a meek, broken tone. “But I guess it's because.. You're the most important person to me. While my mom was the one I feared the most.” 

You let your arms fall down, knowing the exact pain he's feeling because the mixture of memories with people you loved wasn't a foreign concept to you. Saeran took a deep breath, ended up as a sigh regardless. “I feel horrible when I wake up to a picture of you hitting me with a bottle.” You bet he did. Saeran looked you in the eyes, a small albeit sincere smile tugging on his lips. 

You returned it, kneeling onto the bed with a knee. Only then you're able to make out the tears he fought, too. You held out your hand to him, which he accepted without second thought. You're grateful for someone as strong as Saeran to be your lover. “It's okay, I know you don't mean it.. You can't control it, remember?” That made you both giggle, lightening up the mood more. 

“Neither can you.” He said strict, you knew what trick he played here. But it helped, that's all that mattered. 

Saeran pulled you into his lap and put both arms tightly around you. Nothing in the whole, wide world could keep you safer than his embrace. “Is it better now?” 

You nodded, cuddling your face into his chest. “Hmh, don't worry. Thank you.. for giving me a bit space there.” He then stroked through your hair gently. “Of course, I get it. You don't have to worry about a thing.” 

“I know.. all thanks to you..” You mumbled, a yawn escaping your lips. It caused him to snicker. “It's still late, we probably should go back to bed. Do you think you can sleep now?” He pushed the blanket, letting you slide under first. Typical Saeran, putting you as priority. “Yeah, I can. Just keep cuddling with me..” 

You wiggled your fingers at him, his blue eyes glowing up like the stars glittering to thousand on the sky. “Haha, sure. There's nothing I rather do than holding my angel close.” You blushed at the nickname. 

Saeran pulled you back to his chest, legs twisting with each other as the blanket offered the right amount of weight, having you sleepy in no time again. His heartbeat's an even sound listening to, the fall and rise of his chest discreet enough to make you nuzzle deeper into the hug. “I love you, Saeran.. I really do.” 

He hummed softly, rubbing circles over your back for comfort. With a kiss plastered to your head, he closed his eyes. “I love you more, (N). You're my everything.” 

[littleaipom]

various Saeran-lovin sketches from the past few years. He deserves all the love <3