#Screaming into the abyss

[miseria-fortes-viros]

god made adam from dust and maybe i dreamt you and dust colored hair and if i take something out i have to really want it and there are two gods in this church. do you hear me do you get it

[americanhell]

[doctorslippery]

The Abyss is full at this time. Please try your scream again later.

[anniemunchkins]

Pondering...

[bunslvt]

AJR is like Bo Burnham if instead of one depressed guy who likes playing piano it's 3 depressed brothers who like EDM and techno but because they get played at Target everyone just writes them off and makes fun of them :(

[w0lfm4d30fk4nd1]

why isn’t venting helping

Why isn’t venting helping

Why isn’t venting helping

Why isn’t venting helping

Why isn’t venting helping

Why isn’t venting helping

Why isn’t venting helping

[neapeaikea]

And another thing! Wouldn't be too surprised if Tommy shows up again towards the season ending, and it's all "well, actually we still have feelings and fuck we'll try this again, properly".

Or, for that matter, if a cast member leaves in like season 10 or w/e, they bring Tommy back just 'cos it's easy. It's 9-1-1-, they'd totally do that.

So. Not sure how Tommy shows up again, but wouldn't be surprised to see it happen.

[oneeyedoctogod]

Disclaimer: long, extremely personal rant. Yes, it's also about mdzs and Jiang Cheng but mainly, it's about me trying to deal with my own trauma when I'm being hit in the face (metaphorically) with it by putting my feelings into words. The posting is so I don't erase it and force myself to forget about it.

You know it's funny, but as I was trying to sleep (and failing. Badly. It's 2:38 am.) I kept on finding myself thinking about why I didn't like Jiang Cheng. Because you see, it's rare for me to dislike a character that much, to the point I actually have blacklisted all his tags and avoid any fics that talk about him positively.

(Again, this is an extremely personal post about my own feelings. This is not meant as a rebuke if you love him. On the contrary. Keep doing what sparks joy. Just, you know, far away from me.)

I have a funny history with the mdzs fandom. I first started watching the donghua when it started airing back in... 2018? 2019? Can't remember for sure. Then I was left hungry for more because only the first season had aired, and it ended on a big cliffhanger. I saw it was an adaptation, so I went looking for the source material... and found the manhua (I was used to japanese animation at that point and thought that was it). The manhua was also being fan translated, and despite being extremely different (and confusing for poor past me), ALSO left me on a cliffhanger. I was desperate and saw someone pointing out there was a novel! I finally found it, read it in a few nights, and loved it. I read a bunch of fics, enjoyed myself, met and befriended people. Then I moved on after a while. I remember, distinctly, that I wasn't a big fan of Jiang Cheng but that I could at least stomach him in fics.

Last December, I felt the urge to reread some mdzs fics. I read some popular ones and, after falling into the animatics and amvs rabbit hole, decided to rewatch the donghua. Except for some reason, Jiang Cheng's character rubbed me wrong. I remembered not liking him much but he wasn't that bad in the fics so I couldn't see why he was so distasteful in the donghua. I'd been warned that the donghua wasn't that faithful (my own memory was extremely hazy), so I just shrugged it off. Maybe the people behind the donghua weren't fans of jc?

I saw there was an official translation of the novel and, by that point, DEEP into the hyper fixation, I bought all four available volumes and read them. At the same time, I was still reading fics. It was fine after all, I already knew the story.

By then, I had realized something was a little wrong with the characteristization. Some of the tropes given to Wei Wuxian rubbed me the wrong way. I looked it up a little (remade a tumblr, found amazing meta, the rest is history) and figured "Ah that must be cql fics. That's the problem."

And yes, that's true. In part.

The other problem lies with the particular way some people write Jiang Cheng. I'll be clear again: I have nothing against those people. Most of them I don't know and I'm aware this is very much a, shall we say, "me" problem. It's why I avoid the positive Jiang Cheng content. I don't care if you keep writing it so long as you keep it away from the canon jc tag.

But whenever people write Jiang Cheng and completely erase his crimes and abuse of both Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling, I feel it like a slap on the face.

Last Monday, I saw a therapist and talked about her about many things (I did warn this would be a very personal post). Part of it was my mother and her treatment of me and my brothers. And after barely a few words, she said, very simply "Oh so your mother abused you."

I already knew that. I use those words myself to describe my history with her. But the validation is always nice to hear, you know? Especially because so many people try or have tried to brush it off as "nothing." My own mother did, both about her own behaviour and when I was being abused by other people and tried to seek her help. Hell, even I still do it sometimes.

And I think that's why I hate Jiang Cheng so damn much now. His canon self is... Well, I'm not a fan, but he's a well-written antagonist. But dear gods, I've seen so many people brush off his canon characteristics to make him into a more palatable character, the loving uncle, the funny tsundere brother, the ace guy who hates mushy romance (let me tell you, as an ace person I am also real fucking tired of homophobic characters being hc as ace)... Even the ones who mention his bad parts feel the need to immediately add his achievements, as if they don't dare speak badly of their fave. "Yes, he tortured Wei Wuxian, but he also sacrificed his core to save him!" "Yes, he hit and verbally abused Jin Ling, but he also lovingly raised him!" "Yes, he tortured and killed innocent people but he also has trauma and had to lead a sect when he was so young!"

And this feels familiar, every time. This feels like the people telling me "Yes but it's not that bad" or saying "Yes your mother gave you panic attacks but she made sure you didn't fail at school" or "Yes but she made you love reading" or "Yes but she gave you so much, don't be selfish" or "Yes but she was here for you when you were depressed" or "Yes but she has it hard too" until I fell in the habit of saying "Sure, my mother insulted me and threatened me financially and there was a long, long time I was convinced she didn't love me... but."

Always that damn BUT.

So you might be able to understand why I have a hard time with Jiang Cheng when people pull the same shit all thenfucking time. I'm working on it because I'd rather not be stuck feeling anxious about a silly purple grape just because he happens to be fandom fave in my current hyperfixation but in the meantime, I have to deal with it and it's... annoying. To say the least.

(I'm going to insist here: I know that Jiang Cheng isn't my mother. That's not the point here. I am fully aware he's a fictional character and that me feeling that way is something I should be working on. I am. And I'm not telling people to stop writing positive content for him. This is just me trying to put into words my complicated feelings for a complicated character. And ranting, a little bit, about badly tagged fics I admit.)

It's easier on social media. You just block the characters tag and, if people bother you about it, you block them. Friends being friends, I just need to tell them "I don't feel comfortable talking about this character" or "let's agree to disagree on this interpretation" and because my friends are the best, they agree and we move on.

Fanfiction is where the problem lies.

I know why people erase the 'hard' parts, or at least I have a good guess. It's easier that way. Fanfiction is about having fun! It's about writing about your blorbos the way you want to! I don't want to police anyone's content. I'd just like it if people tagged their OOC and stopped trying to make me feel as if I'm the one who misread the book because I don't feel like erasing the canonical abuse this character did or because I don't like that they keep putting down my favorite character to uplift theirs.

I'm not sure how to conclude this. I should be sleeping honestly.

Let's try this: if you read this to the end, congrats I guess. I want to reiterate I don't care if you make Jiang Cheng into the most loving, best brother and uncle ever. Just be aware of what you're erasing first. And tag your goddamn fics.

[brekkie-e]

Someone: did you just watch another regret of the dreadwolf?

Me: yeah? how did you know

Someone: ..... oh, just a lucky guess

Me for the past five hours:

[19silvermirrors]

Had the most earth-shattering svsss-related revelation just now, screaming into the abyss abt it. Said abyss is literally 深淵 which is pronounced as Shēn Yuān. To make the screaming even louder, 九淵 is Jiǔ Yuān (yes, SJ's very own original jiu) and means abyss also. Send help.

[umbrellaeclipse]

Oh, some thoughts on the first episode of the new season of which I must scream into the void with!!!

(Warning: disorganized rambling and spoilers for Thunderbolt Fantasy S4 E1)

Such a serious tone from the get-go! Shang Bu Huan, as self sacrificial as ever, parting ways with Juan Can Yun in order to stowe away somewhere safe to protect the sword index. Thus, also leads to a parting with my dear favorite character Lin Xue Ya; who will no longer be following SBH as he is now too boring to consider a worthwhile target.

Hohoho, I cannot help but think LXY's parting is a farce. I feel like he's scheming something and I am ever so delighted to find out what. Also, did LXY always have that massive crystal flower over his left shoulder, or have I just blindly never noticed before...?

Hmmm hmmm hmmm, and SBH also mentioned he never knew his parents.... are we getting... actual backstory on him? I feel like the show so far has hinted a lot but his origins are still vague.

Oh, and back to the demon realm again. Some shocking revelations there I suppose. Granted, it's no shock how hierarchical the demon realm is, but to my suprise, Xing Hai, was/ is a lower class demon? Hmm hmm hmm, and now the lower classes of the demon realm have to worship the demon gods to not get killed. A fate previously carried out by humans before the war. How curious.

Oh cool! The mad scientist dude is back, and is pairing off with the Order of the Divine Swarm... and then, enters the best characters of the season. I already love this buff hornet lady and the pretty boy spider spy. Their battle gave me life. I love the fights in this show so much! I'm looking forward to their character development... and the hornet lady had such a sick... soliloquy? Not sure what the word is for the little character poems, but I've always loved them and was a bit sad how few there seemed to be in S3.

Back to the demon realm. Really, gonna force Lang Wu Yao into his demon side.... and, hmmm, Ling Ya had some interesting comments here, being LWY's demon side so he could just continue living as a human... gonna think on that one. Also, lol, the new opening has LWY's demon form flash in towards the end.

I am so psyched to see this show continuing!!!! I am going to be so normal about it. As normal as Luo Zhen Jie is about his sword girlfriend.

Cheers <3

[nabesthetics]

Constantly plagued by wanting to blorbopost but lacking the brainpower to make anything substantial! a!!!

[americanhell]

[myhauntedheart]

"If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes into you"

-Friedrich Nietzsche

"Si miras largo tiempo a un abismo, el abismo te mira a ti"

-Friedrich Nietzsche

[demon-princess13]

i love being a healthcare worker ,,,,,

[littledarlingone]

EDDIE ISNT JUST A REPLACEMENT OF JONATHAN EDDIE IS MIKES JONATHAN. THE SHOW IS ABOUT WILL AND MIKE AND ABOUT BEING A FREAK AND BEING DIFFERENT AND JONATHAN SHOWS WILL THAT HE CAN BE A FREAK AND EDDIE DOES THAT FOR MIKE OKAY? OKAY??

JONATHAN AND EDDIE ARENT COPIED AND PASTED THEYRE PARALLELS FOR BYLER BITCH I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL!!!!!!!!