#Scott Kelly is a real piece of shit

[ourladyofomega]

A statue of (allegedly) Saint Thomas Becket, found at Gloucestershire’s Toddington Manor. Used as the album cover for Neurosis’ Enemy Of The Sun.

📷: Simon Marsden + 🖌️: Nick Phillip

[papercutsunset]

Topic 1: Eyes

Let the record show that one of my instincts upon Raquel removing Frankie's eye was to have Frankie put it in her mouth and bite down. I didn't go through with this because of the "Log Out" bit Scott brought up immediately.

This bled over into the nightmare and into Winona themself outside the simulation.

First of all, I specifically had them go to check their eye immediately. I had an idea in that this was an easy way to tell the difference between reality and the simulation, especially in situations where Winona forgot to or refused to decompress after diving (or didn't necessarily need to, given the nature of their job). Those justifications came later, of course, through talking with Scott-- but they still feed in.

Second, since my whole idea with regard to slotting the nightmare into Winona's timeline was that it happened after they went to bed that night (the night after solving the Raquel problem) and, since Frankie wasn't real and didn't sleep in that run, Constance couldn't have POSSIBLY picked up on one of Frankie's dreams. So, when I used the name "Frankie," it was more of a perspective thing. These were actually versions of Winona. (It's an odd fact of reality, that Pierce would have access to the whole dream, but it's also something I would really like! Winona is an awkward piece of shit older teen, and I like conflict sometimes.)

But the topic is in fact eyes. So, since the dream occurred that night, the damage to Frankie's (or, rather, Winona's) eyes within that space was related to what had happened. But, you know, referring to blindness and rage in the same breath... You know what that means.

Topic 2: Moons

There are a few things to refer to here.

The first is that of romance.

Winona hadn't been particularly lucky. Penis Beach (NOT its actual name-- thanks, Arca) was kind of homophobic, and they only ever dated one girl there anyway: Lily Wildcard. She was a fun-loving goth who canonically liked throwing things at her girlfriend and (in a section I ultimately cut from The Non-Literal End Of The World) putting her players through some weird shit and being a hardass at the table (in a fun way). She also had a connection to the moon, in three different ways alluded to in the story.

The first was the locket she found in the abandoned house. (Yes, the necklaces were lockets.) The second was the line "the moon is like a promise kept," which is honestly just something I had fun with. The third comes from the stories Ethan used to tell, which I'll explain in a moment.

Then there's Avery. This isn't the real Avery, who is a full forty years older than Winona (though... maybe...). Instead, this is a version of her that existed in the simulation, and was a little safer to interact with on that level than other people for reasons Winona can't articulate (but I can. The simulation had a side effect for Winona in that, after a certain period of time, they began to forget things about the world outside this simulated Lish, to keep them from potentially compromising any of the dives. Until that point, they could remember but after it, things were back to normal. This is why, for a time, it was and will be hard for Winona to extricate certain parts of themself from Frankie and the actual security the simulation brought, both in terms of social and bodily integrity).

But there's also the light powers.

The third point here is that Ethan Kelly had a series of stories he told his children to put them to bed. The whole of them doesn't matter, so I'll leave it like this: two of the recurring characters were the knight and the moon.

With that in mind, the moon takes on a second layer for Winona. Aside from a promise kept, it is also a beautiful young woman and she has a real issue of casting girls she admires in that role. In her head, it makes sense for both of them. Lily was a beacon of hope in a humid wasteland, and Avery literally produced light. The issue is, then, that she drove both of them away.

The fourth thing is classic lycanthrope lunar imagery. The moon is something beautiful that you fear because of what it turns you into. Full and high in the sky, it is the thing that controls you.

But, then, Winona is also the Moon. It's what they were assigned. They may be a LIAR, repeated a thousand times over, but they also exist in the reverse. It depends on how you pull.

Topic 3: Hair

Honestly, this one is just for fun-- but it pulls the nightmare back into it.

I like to use hair as a way to chart character personality and growth throughout different points in their lives. Denny's hasn't changed much because she hasn't changed much. Tiff grows out her hair at low points and cuts it when she's doing better or needs to buck up; that made it into A Story About You on purpose. Kay cuts her hair to free herself from the briars just as she cuts it as payment to the witch, leading her to a sort of new beginning when the spell is over and her slumber ends.

So the same truth extends to Winona.

In The Non-Literal End Of The World, Winona starts with short hair she cut because of some reasons surrounding her brother (a small act of solidarity to make him feel better). This was actually cut down from hair that reached their shoulders. The next time she cuts it, it's a weird form of bonding and explicitly not-bonding with Jesse (my boy Jesse)-- something simple she could keep out of the way (yeah, it was an undercut whatever). Now the case, now that they're settled and a little more stable with regards to living situations and familial figures (now that they ARE the parent), they've let it grow out a little to what it is now (shitty mullet thing).

In the dream, though, I extended this less to stages of being and more to ways of being. The version of Winona in the mirror is a monster. It's a version of herself that she does want to be-- and the thick black bangs hide the gaping hole.

The real star here, though, is "Better Frankie." It's a version of Winona that never was and never would be. Sweet and calm and feminine, her hair is held in place by little blue dragonfly flips, it's cut neatly, it's brushed-- and it isn't really HER. It's a dream of who she should have been.

But, then... it's all dreams. Sometimes you're running through corporate halls. Sometimes you're doing the chasing. We're all flesh here, right?

[terrible-incorrect-south-park]

Shelley: YOU LYING, CHEATING PIECE OF SHIT. Scott Tenorman: Oh yeah? Well you’re the idiot who thinks they can get away with whatever you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD. Shelley: I’M LEAVING AND TAKING KELLY WITH ME. Mikey: Okay, I think this will be the last time we play Monopoly for awhile.

[traversxble]

great scott!

As Mo pulled her car off to the side of the quiet, dark road; she took a moment to sit back in her seat and make eye contact with the reflection in her mirror. 

“You’re doing this,” she coached to herself, “you’re changing the world.” 

The blonde-haired woman found herself parked on an abandoned road in New Milford, a magnetic compass clutched in one hand and a notebook containing furiously scrawled formulae tucked under her arm. Everything Mo had studied and written led to that exact moment -- the formula she’d developed led to the coordinates that had brought her an hour and a half away from her home to test out the theories she’d been working on for years. As she stepped out of her car and closed the door, she fantasized aloud while beginning her trek into the Housatonic trail: “and the Nobel Prize in Physics goes to...Maureen Collins.” 

She walked in silence for nearly an hour, her attention focused on nothing but the compass in her hand. As she neared the formation known to the public as Kelly’s Cave, Mo’s eyes narrowed as she took note of the sudden change on the appliance. The compass no longer pointed true north, and was instead wobbling from east to west as it attempted to recalibrate. As the compass attempted to right itself, Mo reached for the GPS tracker she’d affixed to one of the loops of her pants. Once checking the coordinates and altitude of her location, she grinned.

Bingo.

While Mo had run test after test regarding the ability for a creature to move through traversable wormholes -- largely utilizing manmade wormholes and lab mice -- she’d yet to test the theory against the real thing: naturally-occurring wormholes with unknowable destinations. She was still working out the kinks of determining what was on the other side, but she felt confident in her ability to make the trip back and forth in one piece. If she could prove that it was doable, she would have done more than any quantum physicist who came before her. 

The only catch was that she had to be the test subject. 

Tucking her book into the inside of her jacket, and the compass into the safety of her pocket, Maureen approached the mouth of the cave. She closed her eyes just before she crossed the threshold, a deep exhale leaving her before she muttered to herself: “okay, let’s do this.”

As Mo took those few steps inside the cave she felt a strange, unidentifiable sensation rush over body. When it was over, and her eyes were open again, she was surprised to find that it was raining. 

As she got her bearings, she realized it wasn’t simply raining -- it was storming, and the rocking of the world beneath her feet was attributed to the fact that she was standing in an abandoned staircase of a boat. It’d worked. 

“Holy shit,” she’d breathed, hardly paying any immediate mind to the men who were running back and forth several feet away. A delighted laugh escaped her, only to be stifled when the boat was suddenly hit by a strong wave and she stumbled and fell to her ground beneath her. Even then, she was still all smiles -- seeming to only then notice that there were people around her, and their clothing foretold that they were from another time. (Or rather, she was the one from another time.) “Holy shit.”

[riseandshinelittleblossom]

Meet the Beaumonts: When Maxwell Married Stephanie

This is yet another installment of the Cordonians Gone Wild AU created by @ao719 @cocomaxley @leelee10898 and @speedyoperarascalparty . Thanks for letting me join in on the fun, chickas!

Disclaimer: I don’t own the TRR characters, they own me.

Tag list: @fullbeaumonty @annekebbphotography @carabeth @stopforamoment @zaffrenotes @editboutique @moneyfordiamonds @give-me-ernest-sinclaire @3pawandme @ooo-barff-ooo @tornbetween2loves @choiceslife@ownworldresident @perfectprofessorherokid @wannabemc2 @enmchoices

      Stephanie smoothed the rainbow-colored tulle of her mid-thigh length skirt, checking her reflection in the mirror. She adjusted the deep blue, sequined bust of the dress before reaching for her lipstick.  

     “You look fantastic, Rosebud.” Maxwell said utterly enthralled with the woman before him.

   She peeked up into his eyes in his reflection in the mirror.

    “Wedding colors and House Beaumont colors. You outdid yourself with this dress, Hun.”

   Her fiance rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well it helps that you could make a potato sack look sexy.”

     She spun to face him, stepping on tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. His hands gripped her waist and he placed a chaste kiss to her mouth. He felt a smile bloom against his lips as a snicker fell from the love of his life.

   “You look pretty spectacular yourself, Baby.”

    Stephanie adjusted his tie and brushed off his shoulders. “I don't know why you bother with a jacket, though. They never last the whole event because you hate them.”

  “Yeah, well. I have to try hard to look good enough to be on your arm, Red. Shall we?” Maxwell extended his arm and she took it, draping her hand in the bend of his elbow.

           They entered the ballroom of the Ramsford estate, greeting guests as they headed towards the dais, grabbing champagne flutes along the way.

    Bertrand and Savannah stood arm in arm on the raised platform, their own toasting glasses in hand. The Duke of Ramsford cleared his throat as his wife handed him a microphone.

     “We'd like to thank you all for joining us for my little brother's rehearsal dinner. Savannah and I are overjoyed to be welcoming the lady Stephanie Scott into our family tomorrow. Please enjoy yourselves and do make sure to offer proper salutations to the bride and groom.”

      A few hours later Stephanie found herself with Gen and Alicia near the dessert table.

    “You called it with the jacket, Stef. I guess it must be hard to move like that in one.” Alicia laughed, gesturing towards Maxwell as he grooved out on the dance floor.

    Stephanie glanced in the direction her friend had pointed to find her fiance, devoid of blazer with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. “Yep that's my Maxie.”

    She beamed as she noticed Countess Madeline and Lady Kiara at a table nearby.

Knowing that the two bitter women were almost always trying to plot against Alicia and Pam, she edged a little closer to them, straining her ears against the absurdly loud music to eavesdrop.

       “It's really very sad if you ask me, the nose dive this once prestigious house took when Duke Barthelemy and Duchess Renee died.” Madeline sneered.

     “Oui. House Beaumont was once one of the most revered houses in Cordonia and now they've only sullied their name by Bertrand marrying a commoner.” Kiara agreed.

  “And now the spare is following suit. And even worse, she's an American commoner. Maxwell's parents are likely rolling in their graves over his choice of a wife. Rest their souls.”

      Stephanie gulped, her face going pale.

   “Stef, are you okay?” Gen asked placing a hand on her friend's forearm.

   “I…. I feel dizzy. Excuse me.” She replied as her world started spinning. She sat her champagne flute down and headed towards the nearest door.

      She staggered into the the hallway collapsing into the wall. She pressed her back firmly against it, sliding into a sitting position, gently hugging her knees.

    Stephanie's nostrils flared as her chest heaved, her breathing coming in short spurts through her nose.

   Pam and Drake appeared in the hallway. He was adjusting his tie as Pam pawed at her hair, trying to smooth it back into place.

    “Stephanie, oh my God!” The brunette woman rushed over placing her hands on her friend's shoulders.

    Stephanie blinked furiously, trying to focus on Pam.

   “Drake, go get Maxwell. She's having a panic attack.” She instructed. Drake raced into the ballroom.

  “That's it, honey. Breathe. Max is coming.”

      A few moments later Maxwell came flying out of the ballroom with Alicia and Anitah on his heels.

    “Rosebud! What happened?!” He shouted kneeling to take Pam's place in front of his fiance. He gingerly cradled her face in his sizeable hands, his eyes darting back and forth between hers.

    Just the sight of him calmed her by measures, but her breathing was still erratic. “M...Madeline…” she squeaked out.

   “Sssshhhh. Don't try to talk, Sweetheart. Just focus on me.” Maxwell told her calmly.

  Alicia began removing her dangle diamond earrings, promptly handing them to Anitah.

   “Brooklyn?” The queen asked and Alicia nodded before stalking into the ballroom, her skirt swept up in her arm.

    Stomping up to Madeline, she cocked her fist delivering a swift right hook to the Countess’ nose.

     Madeline fell from her chair and Alicia stepped over the crumpled woman. “Listen now and listen good. I've had enough of your shit. You stay away from Stephanie. Do you hear me?” She pointed at the blonde on the floor who nodded swiftly.

    “That goes for you too, bitch.” She huffed at Kiara.

     Back in the hallway, Stephanie's breathing was almost back to normal and Maxwell helped her up, pulling her protectively into his arm. “I'm going to take her to bed. Anitah will you let B know what happened?”

    “Of course.” Anitah replied.

        The couple slowed as they approached Stephanie's estate room. She looked up at Maxwell with puffy eyes and tear-stricken cheeks.

     “Are you okay, Rosebud?” He asked, his thumb gently caressing her face.

    “I am now. I'm so sorry, Hun. I don't know what came over me. I just got so overwhelmed…”

    Max placed a finger over her lips. “It's fine, Red. As long as you're okay now that's all I care about.”

     Stephanie looked deep into his eyes searching for any hint of disappointment. Finding none, she wrapped her arms around his waist. She pulled him tight against her, breathing in his familiar scent. Maxwell always smelled like chocolates and coffee, and she sighed delightfully into his chest.

    When they finally parted, Maxwell leaned in slowly. Just before his lips met hers she turned away, his kiss landing on her cheek. He didn't move at first except to lean away a little, his mouth still puckered a moment before it fell into a frown.

   “Did I...did I do something wrong?” He asked, brows furrowing.

   “No.” Stephanie began her gaze still averted. “It's bad luck before the wedding.”

  “Well I've never heard that a kiss was bad luck. Just the spending the night together. Is that an American thing?”

  She winced at his words, hoping he didn't notice. American thing.

    She looked back up at him. The concern on his face was breaking her heart, so she smiled warmly.

   “I'm just tired is all. I'm worn slap out.” She forced a chuckle, but he grinned in response and that was what she wanted to see.

  “I love your southern-isms, Rosebud. Well I guess I'll let you get to bed then.” He planted a kiss to the crown of her head and slowly turned her door knob.

   “Good night, Maxie.”

  “Oh it's going to be the best night because tomorrow I'm going to marry the girl of my dreams...but like in real life.” He winked as she chuckled stepping inside.

   “I love you, Maxwell Beaumont.”

  “I love you too, Stephanie Scott. I already can't wait to see you tomorrow.”

     The next morning the squad and Savannah all gathered in the bridal ready room positioned just off of the boutique.  Stephanie's gown stood, all by itself, in the corner. She stepped over to it, admiring the craftsmanship of Ana de Luca.

      It was a strapless dress with a white, corset-style bodice. Stephanie ran her fingers over the rainbow colored jeweled detail just below the breast. As her hands continued to dance further down the dress to the multi colored layers of tulle creating the skirt, she drew in a deep breath and tugged her floral print robe closer to her body.

    Every piece of her was ready to meet Maxwell at the altar and become his wife. Every piece but one.

     A nagging, irksome feeling in the pit of her stomach kept replaying the Countess’ words over and over again.

     “...even worse she's an American commoner.”

    “Well we're all dressed.” Alicia began, drawing Stephanie from her trance. She turned to face her bridesmaids, each wearing a different color of the rainbow.

    Alicia was in royal blue, Savannah in a vibrant yellow, Genevieve wore hot pink, Pam a deep plum, and Anitah in a Kelly green. Each was a vision in her respective dress; Stephanie's childhood vision of her special day.

    “Now let's get you in that thing. It's going to take all of us.” Pam mused pointing at the wedding gown.

   The bride stood before the floor length mirror, her ginger hair pinned half up, the rest flowing down her shoulders in loose, beachy waves.

    “So you have your something old.” Savannah stated, draping their grandmother's antique pearls around Stephanie's neck and clasping them.

   “ Your something new. From Rashad's dad.” Gen held up a pair of freshwater pearl earrings.

     “They're lovely, Gen. Please thank Demetrius for me.”

   “And something blue…” Alicia finished, wrapping a blue handkerchief embroidered with House Beaumont's crest around the handle of the bridal bouquet. “Now we just need to find you something borrowed.”

   “ I think I can help with that, actually.” Anitah said. She reached into her bag and pulled out a box, opening it to reveal a simple silver tone tiara adorned with Crystal and pearls.

   “It's from my royal collection. It'll match your heirloom pearls nicely and I think every woman should feel like a queen on her wedding day.”

    The monarch smirked as Stephanie's eyes went wide. She stepped up, adding the tiara to the crown of Stephanie's head, careful not to jostle her hair.

   “Oh Anitah!” The bride began whirling to peer into the mirror once more. “It's beautiful. How can I ever thank you?”

   “Just knock em dead out there. Seeing you look your best as you marry one of my best friends will be thanks enough for me.” The queen shrugged.

       Stephanie studied herself in the mirror. The woman staring back at her , wrapped in all the trappings of a noble wedding, looked nothing at all like herself. Suddenly she felt dizzy again. She couldn't shake the feeling that this was a mistake.

     Not because she didn't love Maxwell. She did. More than anything; But seeing herself so dressed up only drove home the point that she didn't belong here on his arm.

    And the others are court, people that were important in Maxwell's country, they were taking notice.

    How could she ruin his House like this? Certainly she couldn't change the fact that his brother had married her cousin. The ladies at court would probably always gossip about Savannah, but at least she was a Cordonian.

     … Maxwell's parents are likely rolling in their graves over his choice of a wife….

     “I... I need to talk to Maxwell. Now. Right now!” Stephanie declared stepping away from the mirror. Her bridesmaids shared a concerned look.

    “Stef, it's almost time to start. Drake will be here any second to walk you down the aisle. Max is probably already at the altar-” Pam tried to reason.

    “I don't care what time the invitation says! Max and I are the ones getting married! What are they gonna do? Start without us?” Stephanie snapped.

      Alicia's eyes went wide as she mouthed “okay…” turning to face Pam.

     “I'm sorry you guys, I'm not trying to yell, I just...I really have to talk to him. Now. It can't wait.” Stephanie pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

   Gen nodded. “Okay, but you can't see him before the wedding it's bad luck. So stand right here and me and Nitah will go and get him.”

     The ladies ushered Stephanie to the wall just next to the door jamb. She leaned against it, her head falling back to rest upon it as well as she sighed loudly.

     A few moments later they returned.

    “He's right outside.”Gen told her, a small giggle escaping her lips. “Funny. He's standing just like that.”

     Stephanie's eyes met Genevieve's, silently thanking her for honoring her crazy request.

   “Okay, we'll give you guys some privacy.” Pam stated ushering everyone out. She paused in the doorway and said, “we'll be waiting in the vestibule. And no peeking you two.”

    Once everyone was gone, Stephanie asked, “Maxwell?”

     “I'm here. Is everything okay, Rosebud?”

    She could hear the subtle anxiety in his voice and she closed her eyes as her heart sank. She slid down the wall, the fabric of her wedding gown catching slightly as she did.

   There was a faint scraping against the other side of the wall indicating that her soon-to-be husband had done the same. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Maxwell's familiar, large hand reach around the corner, palm pointed skyward.

    She smiled to herself, lacing her fingers in his. Her hand suddenly looked so naked since she had removed her Sapphire and diamond engagement ring for the ceremony.

     “I've just been thinking...we met seven months ago. Seven months. There are still so many things...and today we're getting married.”

   She looked down at the multicolored tulle skirt of her gown, rolling the fabric between her unoccupied hand.

     “Somehow you don't sound so sure about that, Red. Are we...are we getting married today?” Maxwell's voice was calm now, even and understanding.

    “I love you so much, Max. I can't imagine my life without you, But this is a huge step. I guess I just wanted to..ya know? Give you an out. If you want one. It's just us here, so we can do this quietly-”

   “Stephanie, why would I want an out? You're my soulmate.” He interrupted gently squeezing her hand.

   “Look… I don't fit in here, Maxwell. I'm not made for all of the pomp and circumstance. The fancy parties and the opulence. I mean one of your best friends is literally a queen. I grew up on a farm in Texas. You're nobility. I can't compete and I can't keep up. And most of all, I know I'm not good enough. I just don’t wanna make you look bad.” Stephanie mused, her voice cracking.

    From his place in the hallway Maxwell shook his head, wiping his hand down his face before nervously wetting his lips.

     “What brought this on? Have you been just stewing in this? Stef...I love you and you love me, the real me. That's all there is to it. I don't care about all of the other stuff.”

     “I overheard some ladies at our rehearsal dinner talking about how first Bertrand married below his station and now you were doing the same thing and how your parents would be so disappointed. I don't know.”

    Maxwell pulled her hand further into the doorway. She could just make out the ends of his messy chocolate hair and the tip of his slightly upturned nose as he brought the back of her hand to his lips. He lingered there for a long moment, his breath warm against her fingers.

     Finally he said, “ If you don't want to do this, I can't make you. It'll kill me to let you go, Stephanie; but I will gladly do that if that's what you want. I'd do anything for you, even break my own heart. I just want you to be deliriously happy, Rosebud. No matter what it takes. So I'll tell ya what I'm going to do. I'm going to head out there,  to the altar, and I'm going to marry you, if you'll still have me. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I just want to be your husband, because I love you and I know that this type of love only happens once in a lifetime.”

   Maxwell pressed his lips to her hand once more before standing. He brushed off his slacks before adding, “ I really hope you'll meet me out there. I can't wait to see you in that gorgeous gown, baby.”

     Stephanie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was still silently begging her tears not to fall when Drake appeared in the doorway.

     “There you are. Let's go get you married, Beaumont.” He grinned.

[dancingwithdylan21]

No Longer You

Summary: Now a shell of her former self, the reader runs into an old flame.

Pairing: Stiles x Reader

Word Count: 1,781

Warning: implying an abusive relationship

~

Green cancels out red.

Yellow cancels out purple and brown…no purple and blue.

And lavender cancels out…yellow?

Jesus Christ. This shouldn’t be that difficult, hiding the evidence of your home life is now a normal occurrence. The three concussions you’ve acquired over the years must be catching up to you.

You’re squinting harshly at the Revlon concealers on the top shelf before you at the supermarket. Trying and failing to remember which ones work the best, basically whatever hides the fucking truth.

Your exhausted brain is practically mush at this point in time, you used to know this shit. You used to know a lot of shit. You used to be a strong, independent take no bullshit kind of a woman that took care of herself. But things clearly change. People fucking change.

You’re feeling a bit woozy at the moment, either from the lack of food or from the lack of focus, you’re not sure which. Moving backwards you try to control your balance, causing you to stumble into an older woman passing by.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” You spin around to apologize, immediately regretting the fast movement.

“You ok, honey?” The woman asks eyeing you too closely for your liking.

The automatic judgement is something you’ve become accustomed to over the years. You’re convinced it chips off a piece of your pathetic heart each time.

“I’m fine. Thanks.” You barely mumble turning away from her in the makeup aisle. You can still feel unwelcomed eyes on you, aggravated you silently command yourself to just breathe.

“Y/N?”

You freeze from the sound of your name although you’re more concerned with the deep voice saying it. It can’t be him…can it? For the love of all things holy, please let it not be him.

“Y/N?” Stiles slightly hesitates, awkwardly staring as if you’ll run away any second.

You turn around painfully slow, stalling what’s about to take place. Your eyes lock, immediately waking something in you that you’ve been suppressing for years. Hope.

“Stiles.” You let out a heavy sigh as your chest tightens, you struggle wanting the pressure to dissipate as quickly as it came. Your body’s way of warning you, an asthma attack is on the horizon.

Out of habit, your eyes dart around the aisle, clearly paranoid about your surroundings. You quickly scan the area, assessing what you can. Where you are, who’s around, what’s being said and who’s listening.

“Wow. It’s been awhile.” He half heartedly chuckles, trying to keep his shocked reaction at bay. If it wasn’t for your sweet voice catching his attention, Stiles would have kept strolling right by you. Completely and totally oblivious that the love of his life is near.

“Yeah…six years.” You offer him your best fake smile, praying that time has ruined Stiles’ memory of you.

He doesn’t react, at least not in a negative way. Did he become an amazing actor? Or did he forget the look of your real smile? Either way, it makes you both relieved and disappointed. Stop it, Y/N. The last thing you want or need is to trap Stiles fucking Stilinski into this shitshow you call a life.

“What are you doing here? Last I heard you moved to...I think New York...for an architect job?” Ugh. You can barely remember shit anymore. It doesn’t help that you moved a few towns over, cutting off all ties with everyone that you cared about.

Stiles’ stomach drops, his mouth turns dry and he’s debating if he should tell you the truth. Worried what your reaction will be, he nervously decides against it. At least for now. You’ll find out soon enough what he’s been doing with his life. He silently makes that promise to you.

“Yeah. Scott and Alison still live close by with their daughter Kelly. She just turned two years old and they’re having a big party for her. So I’m just visiting everyone.”

“Huh. I bet they make great parents.” You mutter glaring down at your gorgeous, princess cut diamond ring that’s fucking mocking you. It’s become the only bright, attractive thing left in your god damn world.

“Yup they do.” Stiles nods following your gaze down to the giant rock on your bony finger.

“You’ve obviously settled down yourself. Any rugrats?”

“Nah…no kids. Its not something I want.” You shrug nonchalantly, eyes fixating on anything but your ex boyfriend.

“Really? You always wanted kids. Or at least one.” Stiles frowns eyeing you suspiciously. Shit.

“You couldn’t wait to have a little boy so you could dress him up in baseball caps and skull t-shirts.” Stiles snickers at the memory, your face would light up when you used to talk about it.

“Things change.” You add softly, realizing he will never know the actual truth.

Stiles barely nods in response, the restraint it’s taking to keep his mouth shut is nearly killing him. He doesn’t know specifics but he knows for sure that something isn’t fucking right.

Stiles has missed you terribly since the breakup, the amount of regret he deals with on a daily basis is sometimes overwhelming. It doesn’t matter how much whiskey he knocks back or how many girls he takes to bed, you’re always hiding in the corner of his mind.

And now here you are in the flesh, standing before him and you’re not her. It’s a total mindfuck, to be honest Stiles misses you even more now. Or at least the version of you that was his. The current version of you is breaking his fucking heart.

Glancing at your cuticles, he sees how marked and cut up they are from where you’ve repeatedly torn off the skin. You always pick at them when you’re anxious or upset. It’s an automatic tell of yours.

Your nails - usually perfectly trimmed and painted, are now ragged and thin. The texture of your hair looks dry and fried, the color and cut something you’d never choose six years ago.

Your wardrobe, once playful and always stylish is now drabby and depressing. You wouldn’t be caught dead in the oversized clothing you’re wearing right now. Even with the baggy clothes, Stiles can see how thin and fragile you’ve become. Which confuses him slightly based on the shopping cart in front of you.

It’s filled to the brim, the amount of junk food alone would make anyone gain weight. Weirdly enough, he doesn’t see one thing of yours that’s a favorite. Being a creature of habit, he would’ve bet money you still liked the same guilty pleasures.

You strangely keep favoring your right leg. It wouldn’t be obvious to many people but Stiles knows you’re usually full of energy, moving around even when standing still. So the fact that you’re not annoyingly restless is a huge red flag.

One of many at this point.

You know Stiles is dissecting your appearance in his mind right now but you refuse to acknowledge it. This surprise encounter is hard enough, seeing the best part of your past standing in front of you is torture.

Thinking back you realize the breakup was a stupid solution, the fights you two had seem so lame and unimportant now but you were young. Young and stupid. Still being with Stiles was the greatest time of your inevitably short life.

It’s not like you haven’t tried to create distance between you and your personal hell. There were other factors in play that wouldn’t let it happen. Your husband being a police officer has stalled every getaway plan you’ve tried.

You left in the middle of the night once, an APB was sent out so fast you barely made it two towns over. And reporting to the police was a joke, your husband made up mental problems for your “erratic behavior”. They knew the truth but it didn’t change a fucking thing.

Growing up in a family of cops, you know how they take care of their own. How easily they sweep shit under the rug if needed, unfortunately you were one of those things swept away. So he’s still “serving and protecting” the city while you suffer in silence.

“Are you…are you okay, Y/N?” Stiles asks concern overtaking his handsome features.

“Of course.”

“You don’t seem ok to me. You don’t even seem like the same girl.” He adds hesitantly.

“You’ve always been one for the dramatics, Stiles. I’m doing great.”

“You’re lying.” Stiles quietly growls, trying to control his anger.

“You haven’t seen me in a long time, Stilinski. Maybe you just don’t know me as well as you used to.” You glare now getting angry yourself.

“Right. You’re right.” Stiles snaps aggravated. “I don’t know you anymore. I don’t know your life or your husband. Or the reason why you no longer want children. Shit changes I guess, huh?”

“Exactly.”

“Well I’ve had fun strolling down memory lane but I have to go. Take care of yourself, sweetheart.”

“You too, Stiles.” You respond softly, doing everything in your power not to break down.

“I hope you find the happiness you’ve been pretending to have, Y/N.” Stiles adds bitterly, barely making eye contact as he leaves you behind.

The pure sadness in your eyes hits Stiles hard as he stalks away from you. He hates causing you any kind of pain but unfortunately it’s necessary for his plan to work. It’s blatantly obvious your home life is keeping you prisoner and there’s no way in hell that’s going to continue.

Stiles chose to hold back an important piece of information during your awkward conversation. He’s been working for the FBI for years now, using the architect job as a cover. Stiles always refrained from looking you up in the FBI database. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t been tempted, he could just never bring himself to do it.

It’s not like he expected to find anything negative - just the opposite. He assumed you were married with kids by now and living a full happy life. The kind you’ve always wanted and deserved. The kind he always thought he could never give you. Stiles is now kicking himself for being so fucking selfish. Maybe he could have saved you sooner if he put his god damn feelings aside.

The choice to keep you in the dark wasn’t an easy one but it’s for the best. You’re barely holding it together as it is, he doesn’t need any outside factors affecting his plan. He can’t risk your demeanor changing and it tipping off your douchebag husband.

Stiles has never been more determined in his entire life than he is right now. He’s going to save you, love you and do whatever it takes to see your beautiful, genuine smile again.

~

Masterlist 

[thebeautyis]

Top 5 shipping fandoms

I’m gonna do my top 5 ships bc I feel like this question could go many ways. I tend to ship real life couples more than character ones also...just how I roll.

1. my first EVER real life ship was Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs. like I was 16/17 and didn’t even know what shipping was but I freaking loved them together and it broke my heart when they got divorced. wah. 

2. Ross and Rachel bc duh. even though I’ve come to the realization in the last year or two that Ross is actually a piece of shit character but whatever. I loved them back in the day. 

3. Jim & Pam on The Office and subsequently John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer. and like I know they’re both happily married to other people (and I LOVE John & Emily) but, man, were John and Jenna cute together.

4. Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir. it was a brief but lovely period that I shipped them.....and I still sorta do, shhhh.

5. Sam and Cait. duh. not the best fandom (read: the fucking WORST fandom ever) but I’ve met the best people and the best friends and it’s all very entertaining so I stick around. 

other notable ships: Prince William & Kate Middleton (they’re #6 lbr); Elizabeth Bennett & Mr. Darcy; Kelli O’Hara and Steve Pasquale (lol all of 2 people will get that one); John Krasinski & Emily Blunt; Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith; THE OBAMA’S.

send me top 5 anything!

[condoonmywrist]

2017 Songs

1. Young Thug - Safe

2. Future - Fresh Air

3. Frank Ocean - Chanel

4. Playboi Carti - Magnolia

5. Swae Lee - Unforgettable (Feat. Wizkid)

6. Migos - T-Shirt

7. Playboi Carti - Dothatshit!

8. Gunna - Belly of the Beast

9. Ty Dolla $ign - Lil Favorite (Feat. MadeinTYO)

10. 03 Greedo - Never Bend

The rest:

2 Chainz - OG Kush Diet

03 Greedo - Small Dollas

03 Greedo - Would U Mind

03 Greedo - Mei Mei

018 Lane - What U Know (Feat. Jimmy Wopo)

21 Savage - Bank Account

21 Savage - FaceTime

21 Savage - Numb

21 Savage - Dead People

21 Savage - Whole Lot

21 Savage - Issa (Feat. Young Thug & Drake)

21 Savage - Run Up The Racks

21 Savage & Offset - Rap Saved Me (Feat. Quavo)

30 Glizzy - RTN

A$AP Mob - RAF (Feat. Playboi Carti, Quavo, Lil Uzi Vert & Frank Ocean)

Baka Not Nice - Live Up To My Name

Cardi B - Bodak Yellow

Chance The Rapper - Big Bs (Feat. Young Thug)

Chief Keef - Text

Chief Keef - Told Y’all

Chief Keef - Can You Be My Friend

Chief Keef - My Baby

Chief Keef - You & Me

Chief Keef - Whoa

Chief Keef - Grab a Star

Chief Keef - Slow Dance

Chief Keef - Empty

Chief Keef - Reefah

Chief Keef - Knock It Off

Desiigner - Thank God I Got It

Drake - Free Smoke

Drake - Sacrifices (Feat. 2 Chainz & Young Thug)

Drake - Ice Melts (Feat. Young Thug)

Famous Dex & Rich The Kid - No Noise

Fmb Dz - The Truth

Frank Ocean - Biking

Frank Ocean - Lens

Frank Ocean - Provider

Fredo Santana - Go Live (Feat. Chief Keef, Ballout & Tadoe)

Future - Good Dope

Future - Draco

Future - Mask Off

Future - High Demand

Future - I’m So Groovy

Future - Might as Well

Future - Extra Luv (Feat. YG)

Future - My Collection

Future - Lookin Exotic

Future - Damage

Future - Hallucinating

Future - Solo

Future - Sorry

Future - Feed Me Dope

Future & Young Thug - All da Smoke

Future & Young Thug - 200

Future & Young Thug - Real Love

G Herbo - Lil Gangbangin Ass

Gucci Mane - I Get The Bag (Feat. Migos)

Gunna - Drip or Drown

Gunna - Phase

Jacquees - Sink (Feat. FYBTevin, Boakie & DC DaVinci)

Kap G - Slumped

Kehlani - Piece of Mind

Kendrick Lamar - Element

Kendrick Lamar - Loyalty (Feat. Rihanna)

Kendrick Lamar - Pride

Kendrick Lamar - Lust

Kendrick Lamar - Love (Feat. Zacari)

Kendrick Lamar - God

Kodak Black - U Ain’t Never

Kodie Shane - NOLA

Koly P - Back Again

Koran Streets - Fired Up

Lil Baby - Narcs

Lil Baby - Rider (Feat. Young Thug)

Lil Baby - Freestyle

Lil Durk & Lil Reese - Distance

Lil Peep - No Respect Freestyle

Lil Pump - Flex Like Ouu

Lil Uzi Vert - Dark Queen

Lil Uzi Vert - XO Tour Lif3

Lil Uzi Vert & A$AP Rocky - Metro Boomin Freestyle

Meek Mill - Save Me

Meek Mill - We Ball (Feat. Young Thug)

Migos - Call Casting

Miguel - Sky Walker (Feat. Travis Scott)

Mike Will Made It - Bars of Soap (Feat. Swae Lee)

Mike Will Made It - Come Down (Feat. Chief Keef & Rae Sremmurd)

Mozzy - The People Plan

Mozzy - Sleep Walkin

Nef The Pharaoh - Back Out (Feat. Ty Dolla $ign)

Nef The Pharoah - Bass Head

Nef The Pharoah - My Way (Freestyle)

OMB Peezy - Talk My Shit (Feat. Yhung TO)

Peewee Longway - Rerocc

Peewee Longway - Creep

Playboi Carti - Location

Playboi Carti - Wokeuplikethis* (Feat. Lil Uzi Vert)

Playboi Carti - Let It Go

Playboi Carti - Other Shit

Playboi Carti - No. 9

Playboi Carti - Lame N****z

Playboi Carti - Flex (Feat. Leven Kali)

Playboi Carti - Kelly K

Pologang Kentae - Backstreet Baby

Pressa - Flashy (Feat. FridaiNite)

Rae Sremmurd - Perplexing Pegasus

Rich Gang (Birdman & Young Thug) - Bit Bak

Rich Homie Quan - Heart Cold

Rich The Kid & Famous Dex - Windmill

RJmrLA - Is It Mine (Feat. Ty Dolla $ign)

Sahbabii - Purple Ape (Feat. 4orever)

Sahbabii - Pull Up wit ah Stick (Feat. Loso Loaded)

Sahbabii - Marsupial Superstars (Feat. T3)

Sahbabii - Chit Chat

Shy Glizzy - GG Worldwide

Skooly - My Brother Had Dope Before He Left

Smino - Anita (Remix) (Feat. T-Pain)

Smino - Father Son Holy Smoke

Smino - B Role

Smino - Blkoscars (Feat. Jay2)

Smino - Amphetamine

Spaghetti J - Give It To Her (Feat. Slimelife Shawty, Slimeball Kelly, Lil Reek, Maja Got It & Zack Slime Fr)

Thouxanbandfauni - Lessgetit

Travis Scott - Butterfly Effect

Travis Scott & Quavo - Saint Laurent Mask

Trippie Redd - It Takes Time

Trippie Redd - Hellboy

Trippie Redd - Owee (Feat. 6ix9ine & UnoTheActivist)

Trippie Redd - Deadman’s Wonderland

Ty Dolla $ign - Famous

Ty Dolla $ign - Don’t Sleep On Me (Feat. Future & 24hrs)

Ty Dolla $ign - All The Time

Ty Dolla $ign - Side Effects

Ty Dolla $ign - Message In A Bottle

Ty Dolla $ign - In Your Phone (Feat. Lauren Jauregui)

Tyler, The Creator - I Ain’t Got Time!

UnoTheActivist - FreeSmoke

Valee - Diamonds

Valee - Acid

Yhung T.O. - Slidin

Yhung T.O. - Shots Fired

Young Scooter - Cook Up (Feat. Young Thug)

Young Thug - Family Don’t Matter (Feat. Millie Go Lightly)

Young Thug - Daddy’s Birthday

Young Thug - Relationship (Feat. Future)

Young Thug - You Said

Young Thug - On Fire

Young Thug - Get High (Feat. Lil Durk & Snoop Dogg)

Young Thug - Oh Yeah

Young Thug - Best Thing Of All Time

Young Thug - Free Blac Youngsta

Z Money - Two 16′s (Feat. Valee)

Zoey Dollaz - Bad Tings (Richmix) (Feat. Future & Tory Lanez)

Zona Man - Cold World (Feat. Future & Bump J)

[looktotheants-a]

what’s a weird headcanon you have for each of your muses?

hnak has blogs indulge me | accepting

each? well okay

okay this is gonna go under a readmore because i have a fuckton

-takes a deep breath-

hank: probably the weirdest headcanon i posted for him was that his helmet lets him talk to bug identifying otherkin because the comics define bug so broadly that why the fuck not

finesse: very deep into how-to videos on youtube. watches them constantly

cory: compound eyes are really trippy to see through while high

maria: uses a spear in modern day combat for some fucking reason

topher: wears so many sweatervest because he likes the knit textures but hates being given them as gifts because 

doris: might be an angel???

monique: is a connoisseur of energy drinks

success: is actually the least powerful of her family of superhumans, but the only one who ended up a superhero because of some bad luck

mai: deliberately has an obnoxious laugh because she hated her laugh for a long time, then decided to embrace it instead and fuck everyone else if they don’t care for it

slipknot: can tie knots with his teeth or feet if he’s barefoot

kavita: finds starfish inherently funny

mama sharpe: not really a headcanon but one of the weirder plots i had on her for a while was she was trying to make billy turner aka scout into a model because he had one arm and she wanted diversity points

shachath: constantly surrounded by dead bugs that land on her

william: comically unambitious

rose: loves kitschy shit

steven: goes through phases of collecting things but then loses interest and goes for something else so he has a lot of medium-to-large but still incomplete collections of various collectables

cecilia: collects interesting looking wine bottles. also saves ones from important events

zeke: struggles with buying cigarettes or buying comic books every wednesday and always caves into the former

ned: hates the concept of cream pies, but makes them anyway

scott: buys mini m&ms because he swears they taste better than normal ones, but grows them to the size of regular ones so he has more chocolate

bumblebee: has a box of naked barbie dolls tucked away somewhere

june: not a headcanon because this was real canon but she ran over her dad with a tractor

jenny: hates the power rangers because every year for halloween someone suggests she dress up as the yellow power ranger because it’s basically the only costume that can work with her containment suit

beryl: not a headcanon but my weirdest plot wishlist thing for her is i want her to lose an eye because her fc has a strangely large number of movies where she’s got an eyepatch so???

quinn: buys a lot of faer regular clothes at post-halloween sales bc fae includes a lot of ridiculous theatricality in faer wardrobe

maurice: man idk fuck this guy tbh. i guess he’s just really bad at coming up with psych experiments which would be ironic except that his solution is so just throw out ethics altogether so instead of ironic he’s jsut bad

quarrel: puts too many veggies on pizza. basically makes salad on a bread plate

monica rappaccini: hate earnest hemingway bc he was an ass but also quotes him a lot bc he’s just quotable

jason & ian: get about four hours of sleep max every night and run almost entirely on caffeine and cocaine respectively

jericho: will wear as few clothes as any particular situation allows. also her superhero costume is literally leftover costume pieces from theatre

iraceus: his name is actually a portmonteau of his name and his dead twin’s name which is weird if by weird you mean sad

monica chang: has a secret lego collection in her parents’ attic

alice: has a huge collection of trash from neighbors which she shrinks so she can transfer the mass to food and stuff

relinquish: uses diplomatic immunity to fly hot air balloons without a license

aya: prefers to address people with more formal terms because she wants to show that she is polite and nice

kita: wears a lot of sunglasses, like he’s trying to hide something about his eyes even though they look 100% normal but he wants to be more ~mysterious~

jocasta: annoyed by humans a lot of the time and doesn’t want to be seen as human because she’s not, but wants to do human things like have a baby

skyler: surprisingly okay with weed, privately, but wouldn’t say so now after walt

jeremy: uses his powers to make THC

kelly: was ridiculously busy in college because she was doing gymnastics and majoring in marine biology. also i kinda bent the laws of time for her because i decided she had puberty blockers, which wouldn’t have been available at the time but FUCK IT i do what i want

sam: literally everything about them is weird. they’re from night vale. they’re very emotionally attached to their shotgun

daria: not really weird but i think i read way more socialist/communist ideology into daria’s beliefs than the writers necessarily intended

aaron: likes to keep fish and when he’s traveling, he’ll create temporary fish tanks in his hotel rooms

friday: exists in a world where commercial mascots are real and has interacted with at least a few. probably fought the noid from domino’s

lillian: world’s clumsiest vampire

trauma: has a lot of opinions about the difference between goth and emo

elisa: got into psychology as part of a plan to take over a country which isn’t really a headcanon but it’s also just like a weird plan for taking over a country

miguel: pays too much in rent for his apartment tbh because he spends more nights at work than at home

lauren: tries very hard to have a personal life that’s separate from work, but it’s difficult bc she also has to babysit miguel

justin: likes swedish fish bc they’re vegan

xerxes: pretends to not like broadway shows, but does, and also prefers to sneak into them

hiroshi: pretends to be very proud of dropping out of an ivy league school because that seems like a cool counter-cultural thing to do, but actually super regrets it bc he can’t remember why it happened (kita up there was responsible, back at number 36)

yellowjacket: surprisingly nit-picky about cleaning and organization, the opposite of hank

ambrose: i mean this isn’t really weird, to me, but i guess it’s weird to other people, but like one of zir special interests is death positivity

janet: again, not actually that weird, but janet actually likes bugs. like she’s not an entomologist but i hate how often girls are depicted as thinking of bugs as icky, especially superheroines that are named after bugs like wtf

guy: local pyromaniac doesn’t know what to do with his hands

geoluread: laughs in the face of disaster because it probably won’t hurt hues

karnilla: can turn into a motherfuckin’ dragon

tomi: mm idk she’s more of a switch than anything else, but because of her job as a dominatrix and a lot of trust issues, she doesn’t get a lot of opportunity to sub ono

stonewall: literally became a superhero by accident bc she saw a fight at a protest and just threw a pride flag over her face to hide her identity to help the protesters and then stumbled into superheroness from there

winged victory: very socially awkward, despite her very public identity and good speaking skills

guard: speaks like eight languages but will play dumb about that as often as benefits him.

brad: originally had him born in the 60s but i aged him up about 20 years so he could be alive to write kirk/spock slash fic in the early days of fanfiction

kaiba: really way too in love with that fucking dragon

schrodinger: hmmm well i guess like. idk most of my things about schrodinger are tragic or a thinly veiled critique of moderate white liberalism. he likes marmite which i guess is weird

[cat-soda]

the twitter chapter

so, i was really into like hamilton, bmc, heathers, and deh when i was a freshman in high school, and i had this crossover fic that i just never finished?? earlier this year, i decided to post it despite its incomplete status, bc its smth i put a lot of my time into for the better part of a year and a half. it seemed like a waste for it to sit in my drive for the rest of eternity. 

anyways!! this chapter in particular was one of my favorite pieces of writing ever (i remember giggling the entire time i was working on it) just bc it was so silly, and ig i wanted to have it here too!! ...you can totally tell i was fourteen and did not use twitter when i wrote it LOL (look,, i understand ppl dont talk like this,,,, but considering that this is a crossover high school au of a bunch of musicals, i think i get a little leeway)

and yes, i did pretend to be a musical buff for the entirety of this. happy reading!!

---

[sent at 10:37 am]: hOLY FUCK CHLOE

[sent at 10:37 am]: YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST HEARD

---

Westerburg High School:

Happy New Year’s, everyone! Hope you are all having a wonderful winter break!

Betty Rizzo:

ew why does our school have a fuckin twitter account thats so fuckin gross

RT Westerburg High School’s tweet: Happy New Year’s, every…

Frenchy:

It’s run by a bunch of nerds with nothing better to do. 🙄

Replied to Betty Rizzo’s tweet: ew why does our school...

---

Jenna Rolan:

GUYS RICH SET A FIRE AND BURNED DOWN JAKE’S HOUSE

Brooke Lohst:

RICH IS TOTALLY FLECKED #whokeepsYOURflame

RT Jenna Rolan’s tweet: GUYS RICH SET A FI...

deborah SUE ME:

uh. flecked?

Replied to Brooke Lohst’s tweet: RICH IS TOTALLY FLE…

Brooke Lohst:

did i say flecked? lol whoops i meant fucked. #autocorrectissostupid

Replied to deborah SUE ME’s tweet: uh. flecked?

Kat Plum:

oh no!! that sounds terrible!! is he okay?? what happened?? is jake okay?? he burned jake’s house down, right??

Replied to Jenna Rolan’s tweet: GUYS RICH SET A FI…

Jenna Rolan:

Rich is in the hospital! He looked really bad, there were like paramedics and everything!!

RT Kat Plum’s tweet: oh no!! that sounds ter…

Chloe Valentine: 

IKR THEY COVERED UP HIS ENTIRE BODY I THINK HES DEAD #richgoranski

RT Jenna Rolan’s tweet: Rich is in the hosp…

epoNINE OUTTA TENardier:

Oh My God This Is Horrible #richgoranski

RT Chloe Valentine’s tweet: IKR THEY COVERED UP…

---

🌟 zoe 🌟:

wtf why did everyone change their profile pics to some blond rooster guy

Ellen Scott:

Didn’t you hear? Rich Goranski tried to kill himself by setting fire to the Dillinger’s house #richgoranski

Replied to 🌟 zoe 🌟 ’s tweet: wtf why did everyone change…

Frank N. Furter 💦:

apparently theyre gonna cremate whats left of his body like… yikes

Replied to Ellen Scott’s tweet: Didn’t you hear? Rich...

The Narrator:

hey do you guys remember that one doctor who ep where corpses pled to not be cremated or

Replied to Frank N. Furter 💦 ’s tweet: apparently theyre gonna…

Amber Von Tussle:

Um excuse me can we please talk about substance abuse??? #richgoranski

Replied to 🌟 zoe 🌟 ’s tweet: wtf why did everyone…

Marc de Lafoutloud:

…??? Wtf???? You dont even go here??????

Replied to Amber Von Tussle’s tweet: Um excuse me can we…

Jenna Rolan:

HE WASNT HIGH THO

Replied to Amber Von Tussle’s tweet: Um excuse me can we…

Maria(h) Lewis 🍑:

Okay yeah I was wondering bc ppl kept saying that he was high and rich doesnt usually do that type of shit?

RT Jenna Rolan’s tweet: HE WASNT HIGH THO

Chloe Valentine:

like

literally nobody asked maria 😒

Replied to Maria(h) Lewis 🍑 ’s tweet: Okay yeah I was wonder…

Amber Von Tussle:

What?? Really??? You’re sure???

Replied to Jenna Rolan’s tweet: HE WASNT HIGH THO

Jenna Rolan:

Yess!! @whattheheckido told me that Rich hadn't touched anything, no drugs or alcohol at all!!

Replied to Amber Von Tussle’s tweet: What?? Really??? You’re sure???

Justin time haha:

ya he was p careful about not doing anything it was weird he was twitchy????

RT Jenna Rolan’s tweet: Yess!! @whattheheckido told me...

Moritz Stiefel:

OKAY B U T DID YOU KNOW THAT HE TRIED TO SELL ME DRUGS ONCE SAYING THAT ID BE COOLER OR SOMETHING

Replied to Jenna Rolan’s tweet: HE WASNT HIGH THO

Thea Zaken:

im sorry, who are you?

RT Moritz Stiefel’s tweet: OKAY B U T DID YOU KNOW…

🌟 zoe 🌟 :

wtf

Replied to Moritz Stiefel’s tweet: OKAY B U T DID YOU KNOW...

---

Jackie boiiiiiiiiiiiii:

HAH JAKES PARTY SURE WAS L I T #whokeepsYOURflame

davey:

Shut the fuck up jack

Replied to Jackie boiiiiiiiiiiiii's tweet: HAH JAKES PARTY SURE...

---

roxie <3:

my heart goes out to rich and jake's families pls show them all the support you can!! <33333333 #richgoranski #jakedillinger

Velma Kelly ⭐:

youre so fucking fake

RT roxie <3's tweet: my heart goes out to...

roxie <3:

excuse me????

RT Velma Kelly ⭐ 's tweet: youre so fucking fake

Alana Beck:

Hey guys, please don't fight. We should be supporting each other and standing in solidarity in these trying times.

RT roxie <3's tweet: excuse me????

Velma Kelly ⭐ :

youre fake too

RT Alana Beck's tweet: Hey guys, please don't fight…

---

Kat Plum:

the real question is tho: why did he burn down jakes house??? #richgoranski #jakedillinger #whokeepsYOURflame

Daniela Burns 💋:

A little birdie told me that hes gay for jake and got flat out rejected so he burned his house down in revenge

But you didnt hear it from me

Replied to Kat Plum’s tweet: the real question is tho:...

Carla Dacal 🌻:

no me diga...

Replied to Daniela Burns 💋 ’s tweet: A little birdie told me…

Maureen Johnson:

are you telling me he’s a flaming homosexual because #same

Replied to Daniela Burns 💋 ’s tweet: A little birdie told me…

Maureen Johnson:

i mean i’m super bi, actually but whatev you get what i mean

Replied to Maureen Johnson’s tweet: are you telling me he’s…

Daniela Burns 💋 :

NO ME DIGA

RT Maureen Johnson’s tweet: are you telling me he's…

Maureen Johnson:

literally i've been out for months

Replied to Daniela Burns 💋 ’s tweet: NO ME DIGA

Carla Dacal 🌻 : 

OMG CONGRATS

RT Maureen Johnson’s tweet: literally i’ve been out…

Kat Plum:

and you didnt tell me??? wth I thought we were friends

Replied to Maureen Johnson’s tweet: literally i've been out…

Maureen Johnson:

YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU KAT YOU LITERALLY MET MY GIRLFRIEND

RT to Kat Plum’s tweet: and you didnt tell me?...

---

Westerburg High School:

With heavy hearts, we regret to inform you that Heather Chandler was found dead this morning. #heatherchandler

---

a/n: ...why was i so obsessed with the word ‘fuck’???

[xpwewarchive]

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (3-27-2020)

Friday Night Pyro Episode #419 March 27th, 2020 Los Angeles, California The Barracks

Show Intro

Commentary: Kaitlyn Khaos & Nick Simmonds

Opening Segment: Champagne Clausen comes down dapperly dressed. Champagne: “It was last January at Guilty as Charged I was in the midst of the most dominant world title run in this promotion. And I warned the All Man not to metal in that and what did he do..he did. I told him then that “consequences will never be the same!” And it took this long, whether it was our bean-headed general manger Romeo Roselli who told me I couldn’t challenge for the title as long as he was champion well then just like I thought and just like everyone else All Man proved he was indeed “just a TRANSITIONAL champion” and now here we stand. 2 days! 2 days! I get my hands on that rat and I get my hands on that smiling, that fake, that fraud, that snake in sheep’s clothing Golden Bryce. I get my hands on both of them. I don’t gotta pin em, I don’t gotta knock them out, I don’t even have to snap their leg in half. ALL I HAVE TO DO is hit one move. Three times. In the blink of a second, in the pop of a cork I can be world champion again

Freight Train enters Train: “I think you might have a bad memory Curtis cause I remember it was only 6 or 7 days ago in this building you pushed my friend. You hit your daddy. You did a bad thang. Well you know what you might have just pissed me of. I took Troy off the medicines and Sunday he’s gonna have a lot to say so you better cover your hind-end or say I’m sorry cause I bet he’s real mad Champagne: Huh...haha Do they call you Freight Train because your the size of a train or do they call you Freight Train because your mind tends to slip off of the tracks. Because NEWS FLASH idiot! He’s a vegetable! He has no memory, no frame of reference since Halloween! Y’know the one with candy! Bring em out! I’m sure he’ll come out here and tell nobody in the crowd that he’s the best, we’ll I’ll say this if he does anything again to impede MY SPOTLIGHT. I’m gonna do more than sedate him. I’ll sedate him permanently and you can whisper that to that human bag of meat. So why don’t you go do that

Freight Train slumps his shoulders and leaves he keeps looking back sadly

Champagne: LEAVE!

All Man, All Woman & Scott Steiner enter

Steiner : Your daddy issues are nobody’s concern your moron. Nobody gives a damn about your carrot cake brain daddy ok all people wanna see is THE POPPA BACK ON PYRO! LOOK AT THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD

2 weeks ago! I got checked into the hospital and I looked the grim reaper right in his beetie eyes and told him I ain’t leaving until the ALL MAN wins the title 2 times! 2 times!

All Man: 2 times! 2 times!

Champagne: that’s cute, I’m looking to do what neither of you have done. Win that title a second time myself, All Man really? Let’s recall your title reign, you beat me after I had a hard fought match, you beat me with a low battery okay and then you defended it at Flirting With Disaster and Golden Bryce beat you in 8 minutes and let’s see Scott I’ll use your math here.

Steiner: HEY THATS MY GIMMICK! GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK TO ME!

Golden Bryce enters with the TITLE

Golden Bryce: I feel like I’m watching Step Brothers right now lol both of you sound the same. Complaining. Not doing. I MEAN GUYS! 48 hours! 3 finishers. ZERO FANS! Oh wait sorry Tenille, I respect women!! Scott! glad to see you’ve made a 100% recovery

Steiner: SHUT UP GOLDYLOCKS

Bryce: corpses tries not to laugh

Steiner: Listen up!

All Woman: Scott Steiner!, This Sunday it’s going to be a 3 Way Dance for the XPWEW World Title at Blitzkrieg between All Man, Champagne Clausen and Golden Bryce! What’s your opinion on the upcoming bout?

Steiner: **You know they say that ALL MEN are created equal but you look at the ALL MAN and you look at Champagne Clausen and you can see that statement is not true. See normally if you go 1 on 1 with the another wrestler you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But All Man is ALL IN and he’s not normal. So you got a 25% chance AT BEST of beating All Man at Blitzkrieg! Then you add GOLDYLOCKS to the mix! Your chances drastic go UP! Because he can’t win a big main event match to save him life and he ain’t even gonna try! See the 3 way at Blitzkrieg. You got a 33 1/3rd chance of winning, but All Man! All Man has got a 66% and 2/3rd’s chance of winning!

Senior Champagne! The numbers don’t lie and they spell disaster for you at Blitzkrieg!

Kaitlyn Khaos: “I’ve just gotten word from General Manger Romeo Roselli that tonight! The world champion Golden Bryce will go 1 on 1 with Champagne Clausen and All Woman will act as the special guest referee. That’s gonna be interesting and that is tonight’s main event!”

<<Let’s get this COVID-19 awareness episode of Pyro under way and take it straight to the action!

1 on 1 M1: Doxy Deity defeats All Woman w/ All Man and Scott Steiner @ ringside

<<<Back and forth contest, both competitors were able to get action and offense, This match showcased All Woman even in LOSS because she’s had very limited ring time in the Fed since joining last July but this match we got to see her shine a bit because she really has only had a handful of matches here. In the end Doxy would catch All Woman mid air off the top rope then hits her finish in a great matchup. Quick and fast paced. Steiner’s ringside commentary made it funnier” Steiner: “Do it for my freaks?!!!!”

[PROMO\Hype] Lockdown 7 in 56 days May 23rd, 2020 Dubai, United Arab Emirates mini documentary showing performers hyping up the biggest event of the year

[In-ring segment] Interview from James Westerbeck! XPWEW INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION! Slayer w/ Rosemary& Lotus

Priscilla Kelly bathtub promo }}} Priscilla via Titan tron challenges Slayer to a match for the xpwew international title this Sunday at Blitzkrieg

Slayer accepts So just like that! BREAKING NEWS! This Sunday at Blitzkrieg Slayer will defend his XPWEW International Title 1 on 1 against Priscilla Kelly! Sheeeeeeeeee’s baaaaaaaaaaack

((Slayer walks to the back)) (((Rosemary joins the commentary booth with Kaitlyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds and she’s in character the whole time and Rosemary is creeping Kaitlyn Khaos our the whole time, absolute golden on the mic during this match. Hyping Lotus up!

1 on 1 M2: Lotus defeats Genevalisse

PROMO: XPWEW commercial informing all the UK fans that we sincerely apologize that Blitzkrieg set for this Sunday was suppose to take place at the O2 in London but not to worry because! *Anarchy in the UK by Sex Pistols plays “Because this September we are bringing the XPWEW Anarchy Rules pay-per-view to you! That’s right! We can’t wait to bring the best fans in the world some Xtreme wrestling!!!”

The Set enters Ruckus joins commentary but he is silent the whole time (he goes to light up a blunt) Nick Simmonds: Do you mind um I uh have bad asthma Ruckus: hits blunt coughs intensely/ Damn Vro me too < Siaka Lexoni is sensational at the commentary booth putting over Jordan Oliver, Myron and Kotto over big time >

Tag Team Match M3: Myron Reed & Kotto Brazil defeat Jacques & Dragon Kid

1 on 1 [XPWEW Juniorweight Title ON THE LINE] M4: Jordan Oliver defeats Based Fabian

(((Match of the night, total spot fest #Dive)))

Garrett Thompson and Ethan Bedlam enters GT @ McGraw (speaking into camera) “Last week McGraw it was merely a flesh wound! Merely a mercy beating! I could have beaten your bullocks within an inch of your life, but your little wee damsel in the distress saved your backside huh. Ryu come to this ring.

McGraw enters with a neck brace on

Ryu steps in front of him “it’s not worth it, he’s scum, he’s scum, don’t do this. Not now.” GT and Bedlam wants McGraw with his hand motions just baiting him in to come get this 2 on 1 beatdown < McGraw jerks the mic out of Ryu “You gotta be the luckiest muffin eating sum bitches I’ve ever seen! Ethan Bedlam get your finger outta Garrett’s ass GT: “Your not funny....Not funny mate” Leonard: Oh that ain’t funny. Not so funny. Well hell son I’m not a modern day Monty Python here shit But if this is all comedy, if this shit is just a joke to you GT I’d suggest I get your input on this next bit ive been working on! [[[MCGRAW SLOWLY PULLS AWAY THE NECK BRACE REVEALING THAT HE IS NOT INJURED THIS WHOLE TIME] <<GT cocks his head sideways and Bedlam looks back and forth in confusion>> McGraw: Oh well hell it ain’t funny but it damn sure is peculiar. This neck straightening device here don’t mean shit to me because damn son I don’t need it I’m not injured I don’t have broken neck, I don’t have a broken bollocks or whatever the fuck you said, I don’t have a bedfellow named Ethan and I sure as hell don’t have a fanger stuck up nobody’s ass but what I do have is a challenge I want you in this ring 1 on 1 this Sunday you big bastard GT: Leo, You don’t deserve a match against me you peasant. But I’ll say this. If you can beat...Ethan Bedlam...1 on 1 inside a steel cage this Sunday then you’ll get your match Larry the Cable guy Leonard: So this is how we’re gonna play it? Your gonna put your life partner in harms way like at? I’ll step in a steel cage Sunday but right now I’m just gonna get a piece of your ass first ((Mic slams)) Leonard hits the ring and takes out both Bedlam and GT but GT gets out of dodge by throwing Bedlam in front and Him quickly

LEONARD MCGRAW DECKS ETHAN BEDLAM WITH THE BUCKSHOT AND DAMN NEAR TAKES HIS HEAD OFF!

McGraw in ring flips off GT standing at stage

[PROMO] Dark Side of The Ring commercial airs “The death of the Xtreme Giant” premieres this Tuesday only on VICE

Leonard McGraw and Ryu join commentary Ryu is nice and polite Nick Simmonds: “Leonard why did you pretend you had a neck injury” McGraw: “I got kids to feed man and sometimes it’s a good way to get out of work shit! But even I get complacent I wanna get back in there and I’m fixing to beat Ethan Bedlam’s ass in that cage match come Sunday

1 on 1 M5: Genevalisse defeats Lola Starr

Match Announcement!!!

Kiera Hogan will now defend her XPWEW Women’s Title against Genevalisse this Sunday at Blitzkrieg 2020

Special Guest Referee: All Man & All Woman enter

Champagne Clausen enters

XPWEW World Heavyweight Champion Golden Bryce enters!!!

SpecialGuestReferee: All Woman 1 on 1 M6: Golden Bryce defeats Champagne Clausen

Bryce raises the title up high and All Man low blows him and attacks him from behind at the cheering and behest of Scott Steiner who encouraged him to blindside Bryce but Steiner slides in a steel chair All Man sizes up Bryce but Bryce ducks and All Man cracks Champagne over the skull with the steel chair and Bryce stands up in All Man’s face and they press up against each other s foreheads and it’s an epic finish but you can hear Steiner in the background “Hit him! Hit him! Hit him he’s right on ya”

Show ends

[tinymixtapes]

Feature: 2017: Favorite 50 Songs

NOTE: Each day this week, we will share a new 10-track mix, which together represent 50 of our favorite songs from 2017. Today’s theme is “GYM,” mixed by Corrigan B. I have a reputation for being ruthlessly optimistic, which is why I typically hate this kind of shit: yearly ritual lamentations on things like racist soap commercials and weird presidential takedowns of professional football players; in retrospectives like this, it seems like we always group our collective grievances in odd numbers, truncating our listing of injustices for brevity and politeness. This approach — of remembering and marking a year like we’re scratching off days on a culturally misappropriated doom calendar — has always struck me as insincere and offensive, but then it ends, and it’s weird looking back at what we went through and what got us through. Another arbitrary amount of time has passed, and yet it really does feel heavy. Death is real. Words fail. Mask on. Fuck it, mask off! So we pick a song and close our eyes and turn it up. And what were we blaring this year that warped time’s mundane and oppressive rhythms? What mutterings slowed us down when we were spinning out of control? What sounds launched us through uncertainty and landed us somewhere a little more familiar, if even for just a few minutes? There was no high canon guiding our self-care other than what we needed, and aren’t we all a little less particular about what kind of noise lifts us up when we’re fumbling through our first yoga class at the GYM, screaming obscenities into the glowing rectangular VOID, remembering love and loss on the brisk face of the CLIFF, shuffling home through the ALLEY at night, driving away from it all in the COUPE? We don’t have EVERYTHING listed here, but for us, a lot of these tracks were EVERYTHING this year. So, in that spirit of dissolving hierarchies of taste, this list is not ranked; instead, here are five themed mixes of our Favorite Songs of 2017. How you interact with them is your choice: you can nod along, you can face the noise stoically, you can dance, you can laugh at some of our choices, and most importantly, no matter what anybody tells you, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. However you remember 2017, just know that you’re not alone, and don’t let a crotchety optimist like me tell you to smile through it all. Just pick a song and close your eyes and turn it up. You’ll know what to do when you hear it. –Jazz Scott --- PART 1: “GYM” mixed by Corrigan B --- Joe “Tail Lift” [Hessle Audio] Given its title, it was unsurprising that Joe’s “Tail Lift” was concerned with momentum. Like the piece of machinery it’s named after, “Tail Lift” was always pushing things upwards. Over the course of its nearly six-minute runtime, the track shook and shimmied, balancing chirps, whistles, chimes, and bells over an insistent, doubled beat that was constantly falling over and into itself. These propulsive movements were adorned, interrupted, and joined along the way by fellow sonic travelers drawn to the upbeat procession — children’s voices, glassy keys, miniature melodies — suffusing the track with a caffeinated, off-kilter mien. Dalliances with the weird were frequent here; cartoonish pops, drums, and squeaks bursting into view as the track underwent one of several mini-implosions, its parts falling to the ground before being picked up again, their order jumbled, soldered-together edges overflowing with molten metal. “Tail Lift” was the sonic embodiment of this aleatory backyard readymade: equal parts humorous, conceptual, and functional; archly constructed and strangely satisfying. –Rafael Lubner --- Lil B “Wasup Jojo” [BasedWorld] Feels like a track might be the wrong kind of unit for looking at something by Lil B. Like, look at scales of magnitudes, not at atoms. But on the other hand, everything in the universe is literally in everything else. And I mean that — all of the BasedWorld is in everything Lil B does, and when Black Ken, in its nostalgic Bay Area references, seemed like it was doing something out of reverence for “ancient history,” it turns out that those things were sucked into Lil B’s ambit too. He’s not referring to them; they refer to him from now on: “Wasup JoJo” — it’s a NODE, the busiest in the switchover. –Michael J --- Fever Ray “To the Moon and Back” [Mute] Fever Ray’s Karin Dreijer is so notorious for her enigmatic identity and arresting visuals that we often forget just how gifted a songwriter she is. “Hey, remember me/ I’ve been busy working like crazy,” she reminded us on “To the Moon and Back,” her first song of new music since 2009. A bouncy synth-pop jam more reminiscent of the playful Deep Cuts-era Knife material than Dreijer’s previous output under the Fever Ray alias, the song was crafted from a series of expertly layered synth lines that built to a orgasmic release, a tantalizing taste of what we had been missing. –Jeff Miller --- Nídia “Puro Tarraxo” [Príncipe Discos] I don’t get into aerobics, but half of Nídia’s kuduro beats could function as Zumba fodder. If you threw on “Puro Tarraxo” though, you were plain fucked. There was the semblance of slowed-down reggaeton in there, but it was too slow to follow properly; besides, every rhythmic element was either tripping on its time signatures or moshing with the others. It was the sound of getting down on the yoga mat for about 20 seconds before realizing you were waaay too out of shape for this, but holy shit everyone else is doing it so you’ve gotta keep going gotta keep going gotta keep going gotta keep *faints* –Baldr Eldursson --- FOOZOOL “AZAT” [Club Chai] Club Chai, a collective whose mission is to “[centre] diasporic narratives, women and trans artists, DJs, and producers,” is important. Club Chai Vol. 1, their first major release, put the Oakland-based label on the map, and co-founder FOOZOOL’s track “AZAT” was a diamond among its many gems. Effortlessly mixing an opera-backing sample with a gritty guitar lead, the track exemplified what Club Chai Vol. 1 is all about: dance tracks full of “how the hell did they think of that” moments. We’re already chomping on our nails in anticipation for volume 2. –Sam Tornow --- Kelly Lee Owens “Anxi.” (ft. Jenny Hval) [Smalltown Supersound] Have you ever wondered where those joggers go? You know, the ones you see every day on a routine? Oh, sure, they go in a loop: From start to end, a simple route with clearly defined points of direction. No deviation. No direction. But are they going somewhere? Do they even see anything on their path, observe the world around them? Are they even there? I think not. Joggers mechanize. They aren’t going anywhere. They’re fulfilling maintenance that has no bearing, no effect in the long term. They’ll break down eventually. What meaning will they have then? –Ze Pequeno --- DJ Hell “I Want U” [International Deejay Gigolo] Taken from Zukunftsmusik (the title of which is German for “music of the future”), DJ Hell’s “I Want U” is a song about fucking. Specifically, as is obvious from the track’s associated artwork lifted from legendary homoerotic fetish artist Touko Laaksonen (a.k.a. Tom of Finland), it’s about huge, strong men fucking, but the instrumental worked for anyone with genitals. This face-blast of industrial techno pumped harder than Louis C.K. in front of an aspiring female comic, but unlike Louis, this track won’t make you feel disgusting inside after the experience. “I Want U” was an affirmation, an ode to the bears among us. It fed all kinds of muscles. –Alan Ranta --- Lorde “Supercut” [Republic/Lava] Drunk as shit. Tumble, starfish, curl. In bed, not in love. Not in love, not in love. Say it without opening Instagram. Too late. Illuminated by neon at the dive. Rose light. Obsessed with it. And you, fuck. Remember yelling along to our favorite songs all summer while driving the hell out of town? Remember glittering my eyelids before the party? Remember wearing backless velvet? I tried getting over it. Promised I would. Hated it. Shit, we were radiant. Magic. I forget why it ended. The crush, the rush. The energy. I would do anything. Text me? Please? –Caroline Rayner --- Ariel Pink “Time to Live” [Mexican Summer] He’s one part Bowie, one part nonsense-babbling toddler; he has arguably released more #1 smash hits than anyone in history, but in a dearly departed genre. Here, Ariel Pink returned to the cassette-left-on-the-dashboard production style of his early work, fording two and a half minutes of wind tunnels and monsters before his Trump-era call to arms gained full force. There was a layer of absurdist comedy to his divinations and absolutist pronouncements, but he committed 110% — as we all must. He turned into Princess Ariel for the watery coda and headed home with another W. –water --- POBBLES “POBBLES” [PC Music] I’m still not sure what a POBBLE is, but I think I want to eat one. The hyperactive Tomagatchi/marshmallow hybrid was offensively PC Music and also possibly the end to human despair. Accompanied by a video that must have been a nightmare to animate, the collaboration between A. G. Cook and Always & Forever Computer Entertainment had enough juice to fry a battery. Where can I buy a POBBLE? Are they like pets? Should I water it? Whatever it is, I’m sure my dentist advises against it. –Sam Tornow Come back tomorrow for the “VOID” mix. http://j.mp/2nMtfLK

[junker-town]

THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE, Alabama’s Iron Bowl loss reveals that the Playoff itself is just a conspiracy to stop the Tide

Your weekly sojourn through the most upset in college football internet runs through Tuscaloosa.

(It should be noted that the weekend’s actual most upset fans were at Tennessee, but this post is about games only.)

Alabama got dominated in the Iron Bowl, falling from No. 1 in the rankings, losing the SEC West to Auburn, and putting its College Football Playoff fate in jeopardy. It was the Tide’s first loss of the season and 20th in more than a decade of Nick Saban.

Let’s tour Bama Fan Internet and see how it responded.

The most ironclad conspiracy theories

Is the very existence of the Playoff part of a plot to ruin Alabama’s title hopes?

This thread at the Tide’s 247Sports message board answers the hard questions.

We need to Remember why the playoff was created.

It was created to stop Alabama. (Sec post 2011) The rest of the teams wanted Alabama to have to win two big games to win the championship. They also didn't want hot teams at the end of the season to miss a chance to neutralize Alabama with the awesome play late. It has worked two of the first three years of the playoff. It will not work this year if they let Alabama in. We will win both games. Mark it down.

It may well go even deeper than that. College football’s powers have been trying to stem the Tide ever since the Associated Press awarded them the national title before they lost the 1964 season’s Orange Bowl to Texas.

Is something deeper at play preventing Damien Harris from getting more carries?

One poster’s freshman daughter is friends with the Tide’s starting running back’s girlfriend, allegedly. And it seems like we’re headed for a break in the case.

im getting to the bottom of it hopefully

My daughter is a freshman at bama, she's become good friends with Damien Harris's gf, she sees him a couple of times a week at the sorority house and talks to him while he's there. Shes gonna ask him why he's been getting so few carries lately. Maybe he'll give an honest answer cause it makes no sense why he wasn't fed the ball against auburn and several other times throughout the year... stay tuned

Stay tuned.

Is Ohio State going to lose the Big Ten championship game on purpose to guarantee Wisconsin a Playoff spot in the name of conference solidarity, potentially changing Bama’s outlook for the No. 4 seed?

How important is it to the Big 10

To get a team into the playoffs? Would Ohio St. throw the game against Wisconsin to guarantee that spot in the playoffs? A lot of people still believe that Wisconsin laid down and allowed Ohio St. to steam roll them to get Ohio St. in. I know it sounds like quite the conspiracy, but...

I mean, who’s to say they’re not.

The most obvious suggestions to get better

Phase 1: Fire first-year offensive coordinator Brian Daboll, a five-time Super Bowl champion with the Patriots who leads the nation’s No. 12 scoring offense.

Brian Dabol needs to be fired .

This offense has gotten worse under him.

Phase 2:

Mac from Florida needs a job, bring him back!

Saban’s old offensive coordinator from Florida needs a job, bring him back....

The real problem is Alabama’s recruiting, which might drop off from No. 1 in the country this year to somewhere lower in the top 10.

With our recruiting lagging,

things don't look so well right now. I do believe that they need to re-evaluate this whole deal.

rtr

(The actual reason for Bama’s slower 2018 class is scholarship limits, fwiw.)

Actually, maybe the problem’s the QB, who was one play from a national championship as a true freshman the year prior before being outdueled by the NFL’s best rookie quarterback.

Bama will NEVER win a national championship with Jalen Hurts

Saban should have given Tua a shot in the 4th quarter to spark the offense. Another lost season for Bama. Disappointing.

Here’s a totally unrelated photograph I found:

Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

The most comprehensive piece of advice

@AlabamaFTBL you have one game to win in any season and this was a massive loss. Guess @CoachDaboll needs replaced. @JalenHurts needs to sit. We need a QB, not a runningback. @NickSabanUofA may be out of magic. Seems we might need to make some changes.

— I R Foof (@I_R_Foof) November 26, 2017

The most passionate tweets sent to Bama’s offensive coordinator during the game, in case he’d been checking Twitter.

@CoachDaboll you’re gonna get fired

— josh c (@josh_c1995) November 25, 2017

@CoachDaboll Fuck You!

— Garret Cook (@gibbousquan98) November 25, 2017

@CoachDaboll why?why why why do you have a running back as big Scarborough and you run him sideways?!? Shit! How many damn years of watching this same shit do bama fans have to endure?

— Nicholas Daniel (@nicdaniel4UA) November 25, 2017

@CoachDaboll you suck

— josh c (@josh_c1995) November 25, 2017

@CoachDaboll DIAL IT UP

— Pats(7-2) (@KFCGodfather) November 25, 2017

Later, an addendum:

@CoachDaboll PLEASE DIAL IT UP

— Pats(7-2) (@KFCGodfather) November 25, 2017

DIAL IT UP.

Damn @CoachDaboll what about some damn slants

— Ken Morris (@bikecop24) November 25, 2017

Get. Your. Head. Out. Of. Your. Ass. @CoachDaboll

— Colby Murray (@Colbylm) November 25, 2017

Calls for Bama to just run the damn ball:

Endless.

The Tide’s last national championship offensive coordinator weighed in by just happening to cite his own team’s rushing stats.

Hmmm. Who isn't on here??? Come to #thefaU http://pic.twitter.com/SmVcNF9bRN

— Lane Kiffin (@Lane_Kiffin) November 26, 2017

If u want to win rivalry games. Run the BALL!!! Come to #thefaU #5forheisman https://t.co/MMpPr3S9ip

— Lane Kiffin (@Lane_Kiffin) November 27, 2017

Is there now a surely ironic Twitter account dedicated to sharing all calls for Saban to be fired?

There is:

Breaking news Nick Saban arrested by Alabama State Police for first degree murder of the Tide football program. http://pic.twitter.com/MBxFBztPAJ

— Fire Nick Saban (@FireSaban) November 26, 2017

And other postgame analysis

A bit earlier, from the game thread at SB Nation’s Roll Bama Roll, some comments:

Welp thats game

Fuck this team. Coach im counting on you to give this sack of shit of a coaching staff all hell tonight tomorrow fuck it give it to them until next year. This is fucking embarrasing and if anyine doesnt feel that way and is wearing crimson and white on that bench send them packing. I dont care if its a five star freshman or a coach. Send a gad dam message.

And this nice exchange between friends:

One of the cool things about any time Bama loses a game is that legions of Tide fans record YouTube instant reaction videos. And, hoo boy, have we some treats.

This guy claims he punched out his wall.

“The Eagles come in and ruin my perfect season,” our man says. “Now I was all happy and everything because Bama was winning. Now Bama is not winning. They got an L, a loss. And now, now it’s gonna change things. Are they gonna make the national champions? Are they gonna get into the SECs? I just don’t know.”

Expect an invoice for the damages to arrive in Tuscaloosa soon.

“When I gotta pay to get the new wall done, I’m gonna send the bill to Alabama.”

Here’s another Bama fan eating “one of the hardest damn crows I’ve ever had to eat”

The points made here are pretty regular and reasonable, but stop by for the excellent glasses:

In the end, Alabama was the real winner here, because the Tide experienced no joy whatsoever.

From the 247 board, in response to Auburn fans having fun after winning the SEC West:

The last time Alabama fans rushed the field? Probably the early 1990's at Legion field (Might have been the 1990 win over the booger-eaters), and it was NOT a mass event, but only about 20-30 drunk students, many of whom felt the sting of Birmingham's finest who were on the field waiting for them. Lots and lots of upset Mommies and Daddies after their drunk darlings got bllly-clubbed and/or arrested!! LOL!!!

It probably HAS happened at some point in Alabama history, but I cannot recall an "en masse" rushing of the field by Alabama fans at any time in my life.

There's a reason the SEC (and EVERY OTHER MAJOR CONFERENCE) bans it - and not just because its Classless and "Bush League" - but because its Very DANGEROUS, both for the trashy fans running out on the field, as well as for the players and staff of the losing team. People are invariably injured in these "mob scenes" - often seriously, but you don't hear about it because the schools ALWAYS keep it on the "down low"

Now, a quick whip around some other fan bases whose teams lost.

Michigan

Lost to Ohio State for the sixth time in a row.

A basic summary of how that went:

Comments are off at MGoBlog. They'll be back when I feel like it.

— mgoblog (@mgoblog) November 26, 2017

Notre Dame

Lost 38-20 at Stanford, the result of a swift, epic collapse.

Would Bob Stoops come out of retirement, less than a year after leaving a good job at Oklahoma, to take over the Irish? The evidence that he would is mounting, folks.

I sort of wondered because he bought 2 expensive houses next door to each other in Chicago recently.

Why would you buy houses there? I sort of wondered if he took this year off to watch his boys play HS football as seniors. I wondered if maybe he was waiting in the wings to take the ND job, and maybe already had contact with ND for when Kelly was let go.. I have mixed emotions. He wins a lot. He loses the really big game most of the time (NC). He had tons of criminal type players at ou, I am not sure if it could work out or not. He is Catholic. I also wonder if he is ok healthwise. It is interesting to think about.

Food for thought, indeed.

Mississippi State

Lost the Egg Bowl to Ole Miss, then had its former AD who now works for Florida hire away maybe the best coach in program history.

Scott Stricklin The Traitor

Scott Stricklin is now the biggest traitor to our university of all time.

Some folks are our enemies and big pieces of shit like Ole Miss folks. These people actively try to hurt us and they hate us. However, all of these folks we knew hated us and we never expected them to like us.

However, to have one of your own intentionally hurt your program this bad for his own personal gain, you are far worse than any of the others.

From your enemy you can protect yourself. You can fight them, you know who they are and you can build your defenses.A traitor is someone you have trusted like a brother, and you know he is a traitor only after being betrayed.... The enemy is in the open, the traitor is moving in the dark.

Stricklin should never be allowed to step foot on campus as a friend again. Hugh Freeze is now more respected by me than Stricklin is. Hippocrates suck but there is no one worse than a traitor.

It’s not clear what this person thought Stricklin’s job would be once he left Mississippi State. But I’m sure the ancient Greek physician Hippocrates would disapprove.

South Carolina

Lost 34-10 to Clemson. This post is about Clemson, I’m pretty sure:

Tater Tots have The Answer!

Recruit with attorneys! Turnupseed from ALA? Daba Dabe do knew what he was doing I think is the answer. Bringing the e-factor's dad (whom was in jail in Florence to a Jail in Greenville) just as he is visiting taterville and BOOM he is a tater with a Caddy and a bag full of money. By the way, Turnipseed came from Ala about 4 years ago

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: june, week four

capsule reviews of the pop songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 on 24 june 2017 and 23 june 2007

23 June 2007

28) "Nobody's Perfect," Hannah Montana

Ah, yes. This. This was a thing which occurred in 2007, and this is a thing I am certainly excited to reevaluate, given the general worth it has contributed to society in the intervening decade. This won't be the thinkpiece, of course, given that we have three Hannah Montana songs, two Miley Cyrus songs, and one Billy Ray Cyrus song to think about. ("Shake It," a Cyrus-affiliated production, does not debut this year.) So, this song. I am a 27-year-old piping a hot track from a Disney Channel show or original movie into his ears. It is clear I shouldn't be here, and for so many reasons. I did not need to hear that, even if I make mistakes, I will survive and be OK. I am an unexceptional white dude. I KNOW the world will always make a comfortable home for me. This gets a B-. I don't give grades, but this is getting a B-, because right now, I feel like a teacher reading the seventy-eighth essay on Langston Hughes they've ever read and just going, "Yep, you wrote the requisite five paragraphs, I don't care how many grammars you badded, you did something, and I'd rather just not read this anymore."

88) "Shut up and Drive," Rihanna

The only thing more important than dropping that first mega-hit is nailing the follow-up. You know you're probably not gonna go back to back (foreshadowing), but you still need a song solid enough that you won't fade from the public consciousness once the public decides they have overplayed your song. This song does its job admirably. It isn't anything world-shattering, but it's good rowdy fun, it's different enough from "Umbrella" what with its tinge of rock influence while still being uniquely Rihanna, and it has that big dumb hook that has anchored Dreamworks movies for a decade. This is not the best song in the world, but it's pretty heckin' sweet.

94) "These Are My People," Rodney Atkins

A stirring tribute to mediocrity, this song has maybe my least-favorite lyric in recent memory: "It ain't always pretty/But it's real." Two people wrote this song, neither of whom are Rodney Atkins. Like, come on. Like, this is a song about a boring-ass upbringing awash in all the country stereotypes, yet here we have Rodney Atkins, someone with an interesting upbringing who at one point was himself a songwriter, setting anything that could be unique about this song so that he can, what, make money off drunkards at the BPOE requesting this song on the radio? ...That is a jauntry fiddle this song has, though, I'll give it that. I just don't understand why these country dudes never tried harder. I mean, not trying has proven to be an incredibly lucrative path, but are all these country dudes so morally bankrupt they would forsake artistic pursuit for the mighty dollar?

95) "A Bay Bay," Hurricane Chris

Like, this is also dumb? But at least I can rest secure knowing Hurricane Chris wrote every single generic word in this song, and I know that Hurricane Chris truly believed in his vision of a world where white folks and gangstas could set aside their differences for one song so they could holler "A Bay Bay" in the club. And as much as I loved that sweet happy fiddle on "These Are My People," I would listen to this beat a thousand times before I listened to what is by country standards hella weak fiddling ever again. It's a dumb song, but at least I can believe in the message it's sending, even if I'm not 100% sure the message it's sending actually means anything. My memory's foggy, I'm pretty sure "A Bay Bay" meant "hell yeah?" It doesn't matter, we left this song in 2007 for a reason. Return home, young friend.

97) "Paralyzer," finger eleven

This song is pretty sweet. It owes a tremendous debt to Franz Ferdinand, but the world owes a tremendous debt to Franz Ferdinand for its ever existing, so it's hard to hold that fact against this song. Like, if you're gonna bite, bite from the greats, and if we're being honest, the buttrock twist on the great mid-aughts post/punk revival is kind of great? It gives this song an actual edge that "Take Me Out" never had, "Take Me Out" feeling like four fancy gentlemen taking you on a tour through whimsy and wonder. That song still sounds great being dragged through mud and pounded with ten thousand fists, and it even emerges with something like an actual attitude? It's an attitude of someone who doesn't go to nightclubs actually going to a nightclub and finding themselves overstimulated, sure, but it fits that attitude.

100) "I Wonder," Kellie Pickler

There are some cold, cold lines in this song. "I hear the weather's nice in California" is brutal, but "I look in the mirror and all I see/Are your brown eyes looking back at me/They're the only thing you ever gave to me/At all" is devastating. I also love that there's a country song about a mother having abandoned her child; mommy issues are relatively unexplored in popular culture, but ESPECIALLY mommy issues had by women. This is one of the more lyrically unique songs I've heard, and I really want to forgive this song for trying to be a bleh over-produced basic country diva ballad. It's like a Tootsie Pop; I know there's chocolate in the center, but I'm not gonna eat a goddamn sucker for ten minutes just to hit that one piece of chocolate. I procrastinated and am writing all thirteen or whatever of these reviews in one sitting aND THESE ARE THE SIMILIES Y'ALL SHITS IS GETTIN

i’m not copypasting the top 20s because neither of them changed, y’all know what songs i like, and if not, hit up the yellin at songs tag to see past editions (note to self: make a tag for these posts, why are you writing a recurring series and not tagging the posts)

24 June 2017

42) "Down," by Fifth Harmony ft./Gucci Mane

"It's like Bonnie & Clyde just walked in/A gangsta and his bride just walked in." ...Okay, well, I didn't think "But it's real" would be topped QUITE this quickly, but I mean, how is Bonnie... not... a gangsta? Like she didn't rob AS many banks as Clyde, but just because she was late to the party, doesn't mean she wasn't a gangsta, she still robbed hella banks. Also, "We on the same team and we ballin'/Got me showin' off my ring like I'm Jordan." Michael Jordan had six rings. Like I know your prison time didn't coincide with Michael Jordan's amazing run of six NBA titles in eight years dude, come on, get it together. Anyway, this song, it's OK. It bleeped and blooped pleasantly, and everyone in Fifth Harmony is at least OK at singing. It was a song I listened to and have on the longlist for year-end Top 50 Or So.

53) "To the Max," by DJ Khaled ft./Drake

this is a song most aptly described as another one. it's another song where dj khaled memes at the top. it's another song where drake sings poorly about some bullshit. it's another drum track i'd rather hear performed by a drummer. it's another one. dj khaled also memes at the end. i apologize for starting this review before the song ended but, as dj khaled just intoned, it's another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, anot73) "4 AM," by 2 Chainz ft./Travis ScottThis was also okay, but right now, I'm like nine songs deep, and the best two have been the seventeenth-best Rihanna song (unscientific ranking, don't @ me) and a rip-off of a much better song, and I just, Travis Scott's fine. I like his particular brand of trap music. I like how the song goes out-of-tune here and there, it's a really interesting touch, it makes the song feel like you're awake at 4 AM and jumping every time something flickers in the window because you don't know what's supposed to move at 4 AM. At least I don't need to listen to the next one, he says, realizing this means the true next one is goddamn bro country with the words "small town" literally in the fucking title.

82) "Whatever You Need," by Meek Mill ft./Chris Brown & Ty Dolla $ign

I think it's admirable that Meek Mill has come back from being owned by Drake. It must be really brutal being the only rapper Drake could possibly ever own. I'm sure he has made delightful pop/rap garbage, and I'm not going to listen it 'cuz, hey, look who's there!, but I'm glad he's here, and I hope to listen to one of his songs eventually.

85) "Small Town Boy," by Dustin Lynch

The worst three seconds of my life were the three seconds after I forgot what this song was called and thought Dustin Lynch had another song called "Smal Town Girl." I was going to throw my computer out the window. It's... It's a less dramatic gesture than it sounds, I live in a garden-level apartment, there's a chance Bertha 2.0 would survive. Let's listen to the song! "I'm a dirt road in the headlights/I'm a mama's boy/I'm a fist fight/Kinda county line/Kinda cold beer/Little hat down/Little John Deere." There are 27 words in this verse and 15 of them are used to create cliches, and that's just, that's just efficiency. You're busy. This song understands that you don't have time to sift through a dictionary to read those words you love, so it gives them straight to you, no fancy city metaphors or adverbs, just prepositions and dirt roads. It's a bad song.

87) "Know No Better," by Major Lazer ft./Travis Scott, Camila Cabello & Quavo

Look, what happend to "Run Up" is one of the greatest injustices of the 21st centuries, but I am relieved that this is the song seeking to right that wrong. Two of 2017's most ubiquitous stars and, for some reason, Travis Scott being gentler and fluffier than he's ever been, making a song that's a nice place to be for a few minutes. I don't love this as much as "Run Up," I love few things in life as much as I loved "Run Up," but it's a neat song! Major Lazer is a rather good popsmith, and I might just be holding on to this song just a bit too tightly because ah geez y'all can see what's coming I'll need these memories to be my light in the dark.

94) "It's Everyday Bro," by Jake Paul ft./Team 10

If this is a joke, it's a bad one, and if this is an actual attempt at music, it is not worth acknowledging much farther than this sentence.

97) "Somebody Else Will," by Justin Moore

...OK, the intro was legit. Like, for the half-minute or so that this was a lightly-funky song, I was down, and then it Borchettad and I remembered that this song always had a ceiling, but yo, whoever wrote this and gave it that smooth-ass intro -- I'm looking at Tebey Ottoh, seeing as he's the only credited songwriter with a Wikipedia page, Tebey Ottoh! I'm picking up what you're putting down, and I'm kinda stoked to hear what you do when you're not working with a big machine. (It's really interesting how there's literally a country music label pumping out shitty song after shitty song called Big Machine, and we're all OK with it. Like, a business called Big Machine that puts out a popular product that actively worsens the minds of its consumer base is like a thing out of a Mystery Science Theatre movie. We don't talk enough about how Big Machine does exactly what you'd think a company called Big Machine would do.)

99) "Nobody Else But You," by Trey Songz

I haven't calculated how many artists from 2007 have had songs chart in 2017, but it can't be too many, right? It's hard to stay relevant for a decade. Even if you're a country dude, like, Rodney Atkins and Craig Morgan are fixtures in 2007, and I would be stunned if I saw those names in the next few months. Fall Out Boy and Foo Fighters released new songs that didn't chart, and Paramore only qualifies because "Hard Times" was big enough to last for a week. Lily Allen didn't last, Fergie's nowhere to be seen, Jordin Sparks made a respectable go but isn't showing up anytime soon. Two of the young women with 2007 hits ended up being contestants on The Voice. Akon might as well be dead. You know who has endured?  You know who has survived, while countless others have fallen? Trey Songz. I can't think of a single live performance Trey Songz gave that showed the world how talented he was. I have never heard anyone on the street have a discussion about the latest in Trey Songz news, now can I remember the last thing Trey Songz did that could be considered newsworthy. I couldn't name any Trey Songz songs, and I am literally staring at the YouTube video for the Trey Songz song I just listened to. It is directly within my line of sight. I think it was called "Nobody Needs to Know" or something? How. How has Trey Songz survived this long. Who is listening to Trey Songz. Trey Songz has released seven studio albums. I don't know if I'm going to listen to them all, because there's music I'm more certain I'll like that I can listen to, but I have to figure this out, 'cuz man, I'm stumped.

again, no top twenties, let’s just get to what sort of matters but doesn’t, at all

Who Won?

...No one? I wanna say no one because I’ve been here for three hours and it’s a heat index of 92 in Minneapolis and my air conditioning unit is three rooms away from the room in which I keep Bertha 2.0, and none of these songs were worth calling winners. I guess 2007 had “Shut up and Drive” and “Paralyzer.” Those were solid Bs, plus you had the B- I gave “Nobody’s Perfect.” 2017 had at least three Cs, depending on how charitable I wanna be with the grade for that Justin Moore song with the cool bass line. But -- ah, I don’t wanna reward mediocrity, 2007 had the high points, let’s reward the songs I can honestly say I enjoyed. I guess 2007. I guess we’re gonna tie it up.

2017: 12 2007: 12

Next week, 2007 gives us Jack Johnson, My Chemical Romance, and Piles. Like that’s it. I should’ve waited until next week to procrastinate, three is much less than six!