#Say it Illenium | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jina-juhi · 9 months ago

Text

Feels like

you can love again.

Pairing : Johnny × fem!reader

Rating : 18+

warning: smut with plot, protected sex, i tried fluff? fluffy sex? and heart break. and basically all things sex. oh alcoholism. cute sex? plus doggy style plus face sitting:) oral m/f

word count : 4.5k

summary : I could fuck you, right here, right now, but only if you'd ask.

[if you wanna skip to the smut part just go straight down]

Playlist

all too well, Taylor Swift

you heard me, Heather Sommer

1 step forward, 3 steps back, Olivia rodrigo

graveyard, halsey

right where you left me, taylor swift

wouldn't come back, Trousdale

ghost of you, Selena Gomez

company, Justin Bieber

yours, Raiden

crushing, illenium

begin again, Taylor Swift

feels like, Gracie Abraham

link

When all is said and done, and the person you loved is no longer there, what's left to do? How do you cope when you've given your all, only to find yourself empty, a mere shell of your former self? It's like being left with nothing but bones and muscles, a broken machine barely keeping you going.

So, how do you restart? How do you function when they've taken everything and left you with nothing? How do you shift your mindset to believe that this is all for the better? And most daunting of all, how do you open your heart to love again?

It feels like trying to breathe without air, as if the very essence of life has deserted you, leaving behind a jagged landscape of shattered pieces. It's dangerous to get too close to those sharp edges, so you stand alone and don't let anyone close. Trying to find yourself again.

Stand alone and contemplate what you've gotten yourself into and what you've done to yourself. How could you have ignored the warning signs? They were crystal clear. How could you have not predicted it? Too innocent.

Too gullible to let him in.

Thinking about it now feels pointless. "He was a nice guy, but he was too caught up in himself. He never really saw me. He claimed he did, but I never felt truly understood," you confide while he brews your coffee.

"I never felt loved by him," you add, as he sets the mugs on the counter—one for each of you. It's a chilly evening, and the cafe where he works is quieter than usual. You're a regular here; it feels like a safe haven, a place where you can find comfort in familiarity. You accept your coffee in silence, opting not to say more.

"Take a deep breath," he urges, his voice gentle as he nods, trying to seem strong and supportive. "How?" you reply absentmindedly, staring out the window where the fog thickens by the second. The ache in your heart grows, and despair overwhelms you as you fall back into the familiar trap of negative thoughts.

"He wasn't giving you what you needed. You shouldn't have to beg for love. Believe me when I say it's for the best that he's gone." He says.

"I loved him."

"You did, Maybe you still do, but people change," he interjects gently, his gaze fixed on the coffee between you, his words carefully chosen. "In different ways. You may have promised forever, but forever is a long time. Sometimes you grow together, and sometimes... you grow apart. It's nobody's fault in the end. You just drift away, lose that connection, maybe take each other for granted, and before you know it, the fights start."

His voice falters slightly, betraying the depth of his emotions. "I know it might not make sense right now, but what I'm trying to say is... you deserved more than what he could give you. Trust me, you're better off without him."

You inhale deeply, shaking your head in resignation. Raindrops cascade down the window, distorting the glow of the city lights outside. His words echo in your mind, and as you take another sip of coffee, its comforting aroma envelops you. Yes, he's right. You're undeniably better off without him, yet the ache lingers.

Why does it still hurt, months after the breakup? Why does the pain persist, stubbornly refusing to fade away? Days blur into months, but the heartache remains a constant companion. People change, move on. But the pain always stays. It gets a little better each day. You learn to accept. You learn to love yourself. Yet, just when you think you've moved on, something triggers that familiar ache, dragging you back to square one.

But life doesn't pause for heartache. Despite the pain, the world keeps spinning, and you move forward, one step forward and three steps back, hating, crying, wanting, but never stopping.

~~~

A year and almost a half have passed since then. Things have been getting better. The clouds are clearing up, leaving behind a little less hurt and a lot more clarity. There's a sense of hold, of something stirring within—gratefulness, perhaps, or hope. Or maybe its the sound of a familiar ring at the door. You turn around to see a familiar face, a smile lighting up your face as you recognize Johnny.

"A latte, please," you say as he approaches, his presence bringing a comforting warmth to the room. Johnny nods, his gentle demeanor never faltering as he starts to brew your coffee. Johnny's a gentleman, and a law student. He works part-time in this cafe, not because he's broke or anything. He simply lives the high life. Gym first, then college, and then in the cafe followed by late nights of studying. He's a quiet guy who keeps to himself. Disciplined and courteous. Doesn't really like to waste his time on the things undeserving of his attention.

Your friendship with Johnny began in this very place. You remember it must have been around 10 o'clock at night, you had just split up with your ex. It was a stormy night, It felt like the world was collapsing around you and someone was sucking the breath out of your lungs, alone and broken, you found this cafe nearby. The rain was pouring nonstop, so you decide to take refuge, sitting in the corner, your tears flow with the raindrops tapping against the windowpane.

Jhonny brings you a cup of coffee and a napkin with words of reassurance, "It'll be okay, just hold on."

He saw you when you felt invisible to the world, and he understood you when no one else could. In Johnny, you found not just a friend, but a shimmer of light in your darkest moments.

You still have that note.

Jhonny could hardly fathom the possibility of falling in love, especially with someone as uniquely eccentric as you. Little did he know, his heart had already been quietly captivated by your presence over the passing months. As you walked through that door, disheveled and drenched from the rain, the only word that echoed in his mind was "beautiful." From that moment on, an unspoken longing stirred within him, urging him to reach out and connect with you. He extended that napkin, not just to offer solace, but as a gesture of his desire to understand you, to unravel the mysteries you hide behind those smiles. There was an enigmatic force pulling him toward you, compelling him to take that first step.

You became a regular at the café, grateful for Johnny's caring nature. It seemed like nobody else noticed you like he did. Unintentionally, Johnny had fallen deeply in love with you over the past few months. He paid attention to everything about you - your likes, dislikes, comfort songs, and movies you could watch a 100 times.

He became your confidance, your best friend, always there when you needed him. Watching you cry over someone unworthy filled him with the desire to show you wat true love actually is. Late at night, he found himself thinking about you, wondering if you were okay, if you had eaten, or if you were thinking of him. He felt your sadness as if it were his own and rejoiced in your happiness. But despite his feelings, he couldn't bring himself to confess his love.

Simply put, Johnny wanted you. He wanted to show you what true love was, and that no girl deserved to be treated the way you were, left alone in the middle of nowhere, weeping in the pouring rain. Hearing about your past hurt him, but it also revealed your strength and resilience, which only made him love you more. He wasn't drawn to the roses and smiles you showed the world; he was captivated by the scars and bruises you tried to hide.

The more Johnny got to know you, the deeper he fell.

However, he made a conscious decision to hold back because he didn't want to become a rebound love. Instead, he wished for you to heal from the wounds of your past relationship, to move forward and see him for who he truly was, not just as a replacement for what your ex lacked.

He longed for the day when you would accept him completely, with no remains of the past clouding your judgment. So, he waited patiently, hoping for your heart to mend. Hoping for you to let go. Hoping for you to see him.

Time passed away, six months turned into a year, yet you still struggled to let go completely. Though it was getting better, the ghost of your past still lingered, haunting your thoughts and emotions.

How could you not feel shattered? Johnny was just too good for you, too kind. But when you've been hurt before, love becomes terrifying. Trying to piece things together while pretending to be okay is exhausting. It's hard to focus on anything when you're struggling to keep it together. Knowing you love someone and they love you back, yet being unable to fully embrace it because you're afraid of losing them, of getting hurt again - it's paralyzing.

And then there's the guilt. Even though your past relationship ended a year ago, the promises made still weigh heavily on your conscience. How do you reconcile having Johnny in your thoughts while someone else occupies a part of your heart? It feels unfair to him, but you can't shake the feeling.

How are you supposed to let go and move forward when your heart is still stuck in the past? People say "move on" like it's easy, it's anything but easy. It feels like an impossible task, especially when nobody seems to understand what you're going through.

Except for him. Johnny. He understands.

It's so damn difficult," you thought to yourself, feeling the weight of your emotions. Letting go seemed like the simplest solution, but in reality, it was anything but easy. As Johnny led you towards his flat, the thought lingered at the back of your mind.

He mentioned the party he was hosting with his friends at him appartment, someone got a job or something. The atmosphere inside was luxurious, yet simple. with crimson sofas exuding a regal aura in the soft golden light. The air was filled with the sweet scent of vanilla candles and the sound of champagne being poured, it was cozy.

The gathering was intimate, with only the chosen few invited. Amidst the fancy party, all you could think about was Johnny. You wanted to tell him how you felt, that you'd fallen for him too, about the guilt that shouldn't be feeling. Johnny was the best guy you'd ever met, and you couldn't just let him go because you were scared. Even though your past hasn't been great, you didn't want to hurt him because you knew he loved you too. Since the day you met, he's been there for you. And he still is, always there in every little thing. It feels like you're stuck in between, torn between your feelings for him and the uncertainty.

As Johnny left momentarily, you found yourself walking towards the balcony, away from the small talk and pretense inside, with a bottle of champagne. all you needed was a stunning view of the city's glittering skyscrapers, illuminated by the twinkling lights.

You craved peace of mind, a moment to quiet the storm raging within you. Being around Johnny, even for just an hour, had a profound effect on you, all the thoughts and insecurities on one side, and all the feelings of desire and lust, unlike anything you've ever experienced before.

There was no rush of blood and getting all hot and bothered every time your prior partner looked at you. You would never have felt this shy and nervous in his presence. Yes, there was attraction, but nothing like this, but with Johnny, it is the exact opposite. His mere presence left you weak-kneed and breathless, yearning to surrender to the intoxicating pull between you. He awakens you. He makes you want to succumb to him, give into him.

Yes, you yearn to experience the warmth of love, to be cherished and valued in return. And perhaps, deep down, you crave these feelings from Johnny, who has shown himself to be both kind and breathtakingly amazing. The way he gazes at you speaks volumes about his feelings for you.

It's confusing, isn't it? Frightening even. Because all you've ever known about Love is that it breaks and burns and ends, yet here you are, falling for Johnny despite your fears. It's a terrifying feeling, but there's something about it that makes you want to continue. Makes you want to keep dreaming. But you're afraid to confess your feelings, terrified that you'll only end up hurting Johnny in the process. It's hard to find the words, to admit to yourself, let alone to him, that you're falling for him. But despite the uncertainty and the fear, there's an urge within you, a desire to reach out and claim him for your own. All you want is to grab his face, to feel his lips against yours, and to lose yourself in the sweetness of his embrace.

Hard.

And never let him go. You've been thinking about it, about you. And him. And since, you've been moving on, you've been trying to forget and forgive and embrace and accept. You have come to a conclusion that amidst all the chaos, Johnny was the only one there. And that you have hopelessly fallen in love with him.

~~~

Hey," he says, joining you on the balcony, "you're standing alone?"

"Hey jj," you reply, meeting his gaze.

"You call me 'jj' when you're happy," he remarks, puzzled because your tone isn't cheerful.

"I guess I'm happy, sort of. It's been a while, but it feels good," you admit, looking at him standing beside you. He smiles, his eyes filled with happiness. He's genuinely pleased for you.

"That's great," he says with genuine enthusiasm. "Actually, that's fantastic."

He eyes the glass of alcohol in your hand. "Can I have that glass, though?"

That's great," he says with genuine enthusiasm. "Actually, that's fantastic."

He eyes the glass of alcohol in your hand. "Can I have that glass, though?"

"Nope, I'm having a pretty good time," you say, pulling the glass away from him. He noticed a whole bottle nearby on the floor. "I think you've had enough for the night, darling."

darling.

Even in the dim light, Johnny couldn't miss the blush spreading across your cheeks. He's skilled at noticing your reactions and knows how to tease you.

Trying to steer the conversation away from any awkwardness, you say, "So I was thinking..."

"About?" he interjects playfully, trying to provoke a response.

"Everything that's happened, you know, with my ex, and then with you," you begin, but he interrupts.

"Oh, nothing happened between us, as far as I can remember... unless..." he trails off, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"That's not what I meant," you quickly clarify.

"Okay, okay, just kidding. But I kinda wish you did mean it," he mutters under his breath, a smirk forming on his face.

You feel your thoughts becoming fuzzy as you both dance around the topic. Usually, your brain would shut down any such ideas, but tonight feels different. Instead of being repelled, you feel drawn to him, wanting something you've suppressed for so long.

Despite trying to hold back, you find yourself unable to think of anything else.

As the alcohol courses through your veins, emboldening your desires, you find yourself unable to resist the urge to ask him what has been in your mind for quite a long time, and so you ask "If I were to ask for a kiss, would you kiss me? Right here, right now?"

The intensity in his gaze heightens, his pupils dilating as his demeanor shifts, becoming more serious. "Ask me," he demands, his jaw clenched with anticipation. His eyes linger on your lips before locking onto yours, a silent plea echoing within them.

Overwhelmed by the intensity of his gaze, you turn away, feeling a rush of emotions flooding your senses. With a deep breath, you struggle to compose yourself, but before you can respond, he chuckles softly. "I knew you didn't have the nerve," he remarks, his tone teasing yet tinged with disappointment. Meeting his gaze once more, you're taken aback by his confidence. As he straightens himself and takes a sip of his drink, his words hang heavily in the air. "I don't know how much longer I can wait for you," he confesses, his voice low and filled with longing, "but if you were to ask me to fuck you right here, right now, I wouldn't even think once." With that declaration, practically deadpanned on your face, he goes inside the flat, leaving you to grapple with your miserable self.

~~~

The night after that seemed to stretch endlessly, a void you couldn't escape. Frustration and regret gnawed at your mind, You turned to more alcohol, a fleeting attempt to numb the pain within, but it only amplified the train of thoughts swirling in your head.

As you sat alone on the balcony, the chilly night air enveloped you, matching the coldness you felt inside. Time lost its meaning, slipping through your fingers as you drowned in a sea of overthinking. Every possible scenario played out in your mind like a relentless storm, each outcome more daunting than the last. What could have happened if you could have just said.

Johnny appears through the doorframe. His presence was unexpected, you thought he was mad yet oddly comforting, a reminder that you weren't completely alone in this chaotic night. "Will you spend the whole night here?" he asked, concern etched in his voice. But you were too lost in your own thoughts to fully grasp his words.

Refusing to retreat from your self-imposed exile, you remained rooted to the spot, the numbness spreading through your limbs. Yet Johnny persisted, his care evident as he gently coaxed you back inside. "It's cold. Come inside, everybody left already," he urged, worry evident in his eyes.

Too weary to resist, you allowed him to guide you indoors, his touch grounding you in reality. As he settled you into his bed, a wave of familiarity washed over you, a stark reminder of the times you'd been here before, always on the edge of leaving. You had been here countless times, yet never truly stayed. But tonight was different. Tonight, you found yourself unable to muster the strength to leave, surrendering to the comfort of his presence, if only for a fleeting moment.

As he guided you to sit on the edge of the bed, you instinctively reached out, clinging to his shirt. "Kiss me," you implored, your gaze locking with his warm brown eyes, overflowing with affection.

His response came with a gentle sigh, his concern evident in the furrow of his brow. "You're drunk," he stated softly, his voice laced with worry.

"I am, but I can still make sense of it all," you insisted, determination shining through the haze of intoxication.

"We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?" Johnny reassured, his face drawing closer to yours.

"Please," you exhaled, closing your eyes, feeling the weight of your confession pressing down on you. "I know I'm the worst person alive right now but I- I'm just afraid. Please understand. I want you, I do, but it's so scary."

"Shh, it's okay, I know," he murmured, his words a soothing balm to your troubled soul. "I know you're trying."

Foreheads pressed together, your breaths mingled, each exhalation a testament to the vulnerability you shared in that moment. "I'm sorry," you whispered, the weight of your guilt heavy on your heart.

"You don't have to be," he replied, his lips brushing against your forehead in a tender gesture of forgiveness. "Look at me."

As you met his gaze once more, his eyes filled with understanding and compassion. "Relax, okay? I'm happy that you opened up about it."

"I'm sorry," you repeated, the words a mantra of remorse.He shook his head gently, his touch comforting. "Let's try sleeping now, shall we? Don't think about it." With his reassurance enveloping you like a warm blanket, you allowed yourself to drift into the embrace of sleep, for the first time with him.

As consciousness reluctantly seeped into your foggy mind, a wave of discomfort washed over you, fueled by the repercussions of last night's poor choices. The harsh glare of morning light pierced through your eyelids, adding to the throbbing ache behind your temples.

Attempting to remove yourself from the confines of the bed proved to be a tough task, your limbs heavy with exhaustion and your head swimming with dizziness. Searching for Johnny's presence beside you, you found only an empty space, adding to the disorientation.

Succumbing to defeat, you surrendered to the comfy embrace of the mattress, sinking into its softness as you lay there, gazing blankly at the ceiling above. Dehydration gnawed at your parched throat. As you drifted in and out of consciousness, the world around you faded into a haze of half-formed thoughts and fleeting sensations. The rhythmic hum of the ceiling fan above served as a lullaby.

In the midst of this surreal feeling, fragments of memories from the night before flickered like distant stars in the night sky. Realization and what-ifs danced at the edges of your mind, their haunting presence a constant reminder of the consequences of your actions.

Yet, amidst the turmoil, there lingered a glimmer of hope, a faint whisper of possibility that perhaps, despite the mistakes of the past, redemption was still within reach. You clung to this fragile thread of optimism, a lifeline in the midst of the storm.

Minutes stretched into hours, the passage of time marked only by the shifting patterns of sunlight filtering through the curtains. And then, as if on cue, the sound of footsteps drew near, with a weary sigh, you opened your eyes to find Johnny standing in the doorway, his expression a mixture of concern and relief. "Hey, you okay?" he asked softly, you nodded sleepily.

As you reluctantly stirred from your sleep, you felt the duvet being tugged away, prompting a sleepy protest. "Erugh, let me sleep," you mumbled, trying to shield yourself from the intruding light.

But his teasing remark about your state of dress snapped you awake, and you jolted up, "You're completely naked," only to realize you were already covered. He pointed out with a playful grin, causing you to blush and scramble for cover.

However, your movements triggered a sharp pain in your head, and you winced, instinctively reaching to soothe it. Before you could fully register the discomfort, another hand joined yours, gently stroking your head. Slowly opening your eyes, you found him sitting close, his concern evident in his gaze.

"Who told you to drink that much? You puked two times," he said softly, his tone filled with worry and care. Giving in to his touch, you leaned into him, finding solace in his presence amidst the pain.

"I... may have overdone it a bit," you admitted sheepishly, feeling a mix of embarrassment and gratitude for his concern. He chuckled softly, his fingers continuing to massage your head as you relaxed against him.

"It's okay. Just drink some water and take it easy," he reassured you, his voice a soothing balm to your frazzled nerves. With a nod, you reached for the glass he held out to you

He's far too good for you. A voice at the back of your head screams at you.

"Johnny..." you say, breaking the silence that hung heavy in the room. His presence alone was enough to make your heart race, but you needed to speak your mind.

He turns to you, his gaze softening as he listens intently. "What is it?" he asks, concern lacing his words.

You take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts before continuing. "I've been thinking about..." you trail off, unsure of how to articulate the right words.

Johnny reaches out, his hand placing a strand of hair behind your ear,offering silent support. "Go on," he encourages gently.

"I'm sorry," you say, the words heavy with regret. "I know this is complicated, and i am making it even more complicated but I just don't want to hurt you." You could barely manage to say even that.

Your breath catches in your throat as his fingers trail through the loops of your hair, sending shivers down your spine. His hum reverberates through you, a sensual melody that ignites a fire deep within. But then, in an instant, his demeanor shifts, catching you off guard.

His hand tightens around your hair, pulling your head back with a swift, yet gentle force. The sudden change in his touch sends a rush of adrenaline through your veins, heightening your senses to the electrifying proximity between you.

Your eyes meet his, dark and intense, and you find yourself unable to look away. His breath, warm and fruity, fans over your face, stirring something primal within you. In that moment, you're acutely aware of every sensation, every heartbeat, as you surrender to the magnetic pull of desire that envelops you both.

"Can't you see what you do to me?"

Johnny..." you say, your voice barely above a whisper, the intensity of the moment almost overwhelming.

He pauses, his eyes locked with yours, waiting for you to continue.

"I... I didn't mean..." you stutter, struggling to find the right words as his grip on your hair loosens.

He chuckles softly, his laughter dancing in the air, easing some of the tension between you. "I know, I know," he reassures you, his tone gentle yet teasing.

"But..." you start, only to be cut off by his next words.

"You talk a lot when you're drunk," he says with a smirk, his fingers tracing light patterns along your skin.

Your cheeks flush with embarrassment, knowing he's right.

"What did I say?" you ask, trying to piece together the fragments of the night before.

His gaze softens, a hint of mischief glinting in his eyes. "That you tend to get... aroused whenever I say your name," he says, his voice low and husky, sending a shiver down your spine.

You shake your head in denial, but deep down, you know he's right.

He leans in closer, his breath warm against your skin, sending tingles of anticipation coursing through your veins.

"Johnny..." you breathe out his name, a mixture of desire and uncertainty swirling in your mind as he hovers above you, his presence consuming your senses.

"Say it," he urges, his voice low and demanding, sending a thrill through your body.

"Johnny, listen to m—" you begin, but he cuts you off with a firm command.

"Say it!" he insists, his intensity leaving no room for argument.

"I want you, for fuck's sake, I want you," you finally admit, your voice tinged with both desire and vulnerability.

Closing your eyes, you release the grip you've been holding onto, allowing yourself to surrender to the overwhelming attraction between you.

You lay back, flattening against the bed, pushing your hair away from your face to meet his gaze head-on. His eyes, dark and intense, never waver from yours, sending a flutter of nerves through your stomach.

"I want you, in every way possible, and it's no secret. I'm just afraid," you confess in a small voice, baring your soul to him.

Johnny's smile is reassuring, his touch gentle as he lays on top of you, ensuring he doesn't overwhelm you with his weight. "Don't be afraid," he whispers, his breath warm against your skin. "You'll love me just fine."

In that moment, as you lay entwined with him, all your fears melt away, replaced by a sense of warmth and comfort in his embrace. You know that no matter what lies ahead, you're ready to explore this newfound connection with him by your side.

As Johnny hovers above you, his gaze dark with desire, you feel a surge of anticipation coursing through your veins. His lips brush against yours in a teasing caress, igniting a fire that burns hot and fierce between you.

"I've been waiting for this," he murmurs, his voice low and husky with need as he trails kisses down your neck, leaving a trail of fire in his wake.

You arch into his touch, a soft moan escaping your lips as his hands roam your body, exploring every curve and contour with an expert touch that leaves you trembling with desire.

"God, you're so beautiful," he whispers, his breath hot against the skin of your neck as he takes you in, his eyes drinking in every inch of you. You feel his breath against your skin, warm and inviting, as he leans in closer, his lips brushing against yours in a feather-light kiss.

With each touch, each caress, the tension between you dissolves, replaced by an electric current of desire that pulses through your veins. His hands roam your body, mapping every curve and contour with a reverence that leaves you breathless.

You arch into his touch, a soft sigh escaping your lips as he explores every inch of your skin with a delicate touch that sets your senses ablaze. His fingers trace patterns along your spine, sending shivers of pleasure racing down your spine.

Your lips collided with his in a heated embrace, sending shockwaves of desire coursing through both of your bodies. Crashing into each other, feelings of desire over powering you both. In that moment you knew, it was gonna be a hell of a ride and you couldn't be any more excited than you are right now.

After the kiss, you both laid side by side, "By the way you didn't really say any of that." Johnny gently whispers in your ear, and you both end up laughing, cuddling.

~~~

You like it?" Johnny asks, his eyes sparkling with warmth as he watches you take a lick of the ice cream. You nod enthusiastically, a wide smile spreading across your face like a child on Christmas morning. His smile widens in response, a soft glow of happiness emanating from him. It's moments like these that make everything feel so right.

Since that unforgettable day when you poured your heart out to him, your life has been like a dream come true. Flowers, date nights, chocolates – you name it, he's made sure to fill your days with joy and love. From cozy movie nights to endless cuddles, it's like you've found the missing piece to your puzzle.

But it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Like any couple, you have your disagreements. Yet, what sets you apart is the unwavering understanding and support you both offer each other. Johnny never lets you go to bed upset, always there with reassurance and kisses to mend any hurt feelings.

He constantly reminds you that you're doing just fine, and it's true. It's not just about healing from past wounds; it's about the beautiful exchange of giving and receiving love. It's about reciprocating the care and affection you both share, knowing that the more you give, the more you receive.

In a world where it's easy to become complacent, you both choose to love each other every single day. And that, in itself, is the greatest gift of all.

You plead with puppy dog eyes, urging him to let you indulge in more ice cream because, well, why not? 'Pleeease let me have another scoop!' you whine, the anticipation of the creamy goodness making your mouth water. But alas, he declines with a chuckle, warning, 'No way! You'll catch a cold!' You pout, but secretly admire his concern."

Disappointed but not defeated, you pout and playfully stick out your bottom lip, giving Johnny your best puppy-dog eyes. "But Johnny," you protest, "I promise I'll bundle up extra warm tonight! Pretty please?"

Johnny can't help but laugh at your antics, finding your determination to get that extra scoop of ice cream utterly endearing. He shakes his head, still chuckling, and gently takes your hand in his. "As much as I love seeing that adorable pout of yours, I can't risk you getting sick, [Reader]. How about we save the ice cream for tomorrow, hmm?"

You sigh dramatically, but a mischievous glint dances in your eyes as you lean in closer to him. "Fine," you concede, "but only if you promise to share a warm blanket and snuggle with me tonight."

A grin spreads across Johnny's face as he leans in to press a soft kiss to your forehead. "Deal," he agrees, his voice filled with warmth and affection. "Anything for you, my love."

As you both leave the ice cream parlor, the cool evening air wraps around you, the gentle breeze a welcome contrast to the warmth of your intertwined hands. As you both step into the cozy cafe, the familiar scent of freshly brewed coffee fills the air, bringing back memories of the first time you met. Johnny's hand tightens around yours, his touch sending a thrill through you that's impossible to ignore.

You find a secluded booth in the corner, and as you settle in, Johnny's eyes lock with yours, a silent invitation sparking between you. "You know," he murmurs, his voice low and husky, "this place holds a lot of memories for us."

You nod, a soft smile playing on your lips. "It feels like just yesterday that we were sitting here, nervously sipping our coffees," you reply, your voice filled with affection.

Johnny leans in closer, his breath warm against your ear. "But this time," he whispers, "we don't have to be nervous." A shiver runs down your spine at his words, and you meet his gaze with a newfound sense of boldness. "No, this time," you say, your voice steady and sure, "we can just be us."

With a gentle touch, Johnny cups your face in his hands, his eyes searching yours with a depth of emotion that takes your breath away. "I like the sound of that," he murmurs, his lips hovering just inches from yours.

Before you can respond, his lips capture yours in a passionate kiss, the world around you fading away as you lose yourself in the heat of the moment. It's a dance of tongues and teeth, of whispered words and soft sighs, each touch igniting a fire that burns hotter with every passing second.

As you finally pull away, breathless and flushed, Johnny's eyes meet yours with a hunger that mirrors your own. "I never want to stop kissing you," he confesses, his voice thick with desire.

A smile tugs at your lips as you lean in to press another kiss to his, the promise of countless more moments like this hanging in the air between you.

~~~

As you sit at your desk, textbooks spread out before you and notes scattered across the surface, you're fully immersed in your study session. The material is dense, and you're determined to grasp every concept before the upcoming exam.

Just as you're deep in concentration, Johnny enters the room with a mischievous grin, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you buried in your books. Without a word, he crosses the room and leans against your desk, his presence a distraction you can't ignore.

"Hey there, studious one," he says, his voice low and playful. "Need a break?"

You look up from your books, torn between the desire to keep studying and the temptation of Johnny's irresistible charm. "I really should finish this chapter," you reply, trying to sound firm despite the flutter in your stomach at his proximity.

But Johnny has other plans. With a swift movement, he slides your textbooks aside and pulls you to your feet, his hands finding their way to your waist as he draws you close. "I think you've earned a reward for all that hard work," he murmurs, his lips dangerously close to yours.

Before you can protest, Johnny's mouth descends on yours in a fiery kiss, his tongue tracing the outline of your lips before delving deeper, igniting a fire within you that threatens to consume you both. Lost in the heat of the moment, you abandon all thoughts of studying as you melt into his embrace, the world around you fading away until there's nothing left but the two of you and the intoxicating rush of desire.

Minutes, or maybe hours, pass in a blur of tangled limbs and heated kisses, until finally, you break apart, breathless and flushed, the taste of Johnny still lingering on your lips. "Now that's what I call a study break," he says with a grin, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

You can't help but laugh, the tension of the study session now a distant memory as you bask in the warmth of Johnny's love and the thrill of his touch.

~~~

As you made your way back from college, the skies darkened, and before you knew it, a heavy downpour unleashed its fury upon you. The rain hammered down relentlessly, soaking you up and down. Despite the continuous ringing of your phone from within your backpack, the rain made it impossible to retrieve. With no umbrella in hand, you quickened your pace towards the bus stop, only to witness the last bus pulling away just as you rounded the corner. Desperation set in as you attempted to sprint after it, but the distance between you and the departing vehicle only widened. Defeated, you exhaled heavily, feeling the chill of the rain seeping into your bones. Seeking refuge at the bus stop, you huddled under its shelter, which wasn't helping much.

As you stood there, shivering and dripping, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease creeping over you. The relentless rain seemed to whisper secrets in the wind. With each passing moment, your mind raced with thoughts of your worried boyfriend waiting at home, unaware of your predicament.

As you glanced down at your phone, the screen illuminated with missed calls and frantic messages from him. Frustration bubbled within you, knowing that you were only adding to his worry by being stranded in the storm. You tried to call him back, but the signal was weak, and the connection kept cutting out. Time seemed to stretch endlessly as you waited for the next bus, the minutes ticking by like hours.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the bus appeared on the horizon, its headlights piercing through the darkness like a beacon of hope. With a sigh of relief, you boarded the bus, grateful for the warmth and safety it offered. And soon you were standing in front of his appointment door.

As the bus finally pulled up to a stop, you hurriedly disembarked, your heart pounding with a mix of fear and relief. You practically sprinted the rest of the way home, the rain still coming down in sheets, soaking you to the bone.

Finally, you arrived at the doorstep of your apartment, soaked and shivering. With trembling hands, you fumbled for your keys, desperate to be inside the safety of your home. But before you could even insert the key into the lock, the door swung open, revealing a worried and furious Johnny.

"Where have you been?!" he exclaimed, his voice laced with anger and concern. "I've been trying to call you for hours! Do you have any idea how worried I've been?"

"I-I'm so sorry, Johnny," you stammered, tears mixing with the rain on your cheeks. "I got caught in the storm, and I missed the bus, and...and I couldn't get through to you. I'm so sorry."

Johnny's expression softened as he took in your trembling form, his anger melting away in an instant. Without a word, he pulled you into a tight embrace, wrapping his arms around you protectively. "I'm just glad you're safe," he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "I was so worried about you. Let's get you inside and warm you up, okay?"

You nod, feeling the weight of your backpack against the wall as you follow Johnny into the bedroom. With a quick movement, you pull your hair up, hoping to keep it from sticking to your clothes. Sensing his hands on your torso, you inhale sharply as they glide around to the front, undoing the button of your jeans. Anticipation mounts as he pulls them down, and then he sits, planting kisses on your damp thigh, eliciting a dissatisfied moan from you.

In a swift motion, your undies join the jeans on the floor. "Nice butt," he remarks, drawing a rhetorical look from you. Stepping closer, he removes the t-shirt clinging uncomfortably to your skin, and with it, your bra disappears too. "Beautiful as always," he murmurs, enveloping you in a warm towel and pulling you close, his lips finding your neck, leaving their mark.

"Johnny," you sigh as his hands slip under the towel, teasingly moving between your legs, knowing just where to stop, leaving you breathless. "I'll be right back, change into dry clothes, okay?" he says, his voice a tantalizing promise hanging in the air.

He returned with a steaming mug of tea, fragrant steam curling upwards in the air. He handed it to you with a tender smile, the warmth of the mug seeping into your chilled fingers.

"Here, drink this," he said softly, his voice soothing.. "It'll help warm you up."

"I only need you to warm me up."

"Come here then." He motions you to sit with him in the bed he made, warm and cozy. As you lay there in Johnny's arms, the intimacy of the moment enveloping you like a warm embrace, you couldn't help but feel a surge of emotion welling up inside you.

"Johnny," you murmured softly, your voice barely above a whisper, "I'm so sorry for worrying you. I never meant to cause you so much distress."

Johnny's arms tightened around you, pulling you even closer to him as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. "It's okay, sweetheart," he whispered back, his voice filled with reassurance. "I was just so scared when I couldn't reach you. All I could think about was making sure you were safe."

You buried your face against his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat a soothing lullaby against your ear. "I promise I'll be more careful from now on," you vowed, your words muffled against his skin. "I never want to put you through that kind of worry again."

Johnny tilted your chin up gently, his eyes locking with yours in a tender gaze. "I know you will," he said softly, his thumb brushing away the tears that had pooled in your eyes. "And I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

With a contented sigh, you snuggled closer to him, reveling in the warmth and comfort of his embrace. Johnny's fingers danced along the buttons of your blouse, a spark of desire ignited between you, fueling the passion that simmered just beneath the surface.

"How about we finish what we started earlier?"

Your heart raced at his words, the anticipation building with every breath. With a smile, you nodded in agreement, your own desire mirrored in your eyes as you leaned in to meet his lips in a fiery kiss.

The heat between you intensified quickly, passion igniting like a wildfire as your bodies melded together in a tangle of desire. Teeth clashed against each other, tongues danced in a feverish rhythm, and hands roamed eagerly, seeking out every inch of skin they could find.

With a swift movement, you straddled Johnny, taking control of the moment as you traced a path of kisses down his neck, relishing in the soft gasps and low growls that escaped his lips. As his shirt fell away, revealing his beautifully toned body beneath, you couldn't help but admire the sight before you, feeling a surge of desire coursing through your veins.

Too shy to say anything, you let your actions speak for you. Lingering on his nipples, you teased and tantalized, eliciting soft moans of pleasure from Johnny's lips. With each flick of your tongue and gentle nip of your teeth, the tension between you grew, pushing you both closer and closer to the edge of desire.

But you weren't done yet. With a mischievous glint in your eye, you continued your exploration, trailing kisses and caresses down Johnny's torso until you reached the waistband of his jeans. With practiced hands, you teased and toyed with him through the fabric, making him harder with every stroke, relishing in the way he squirmed beneath your touch.

As his pleasured groans filled the air, you couldn't resist escalating your actions, eagerly sliding his pants down while he sat up, fixated on your every move. Locking eyes with him, you took him into your mouth, teasingly tracing the tip with your tongue, prompting a soft curse from his lips. Pulling back, you continued to lavish attention on him, savoring every moment as you licked his length, stealing glances up at him. "Enjoying yourself?" you teased, to which he responded with an enthusiastic nod.

Returning to him, you gradually took more of him into your mouth, relishing in the way his hands urged you on, guiding you further down. He pulled you up for a heated kiss, expressing his desire to explore your taste. As his lips trailed down your neck, he urged you to sit on his face, igniting nerves and excitement within you. With his encouragement, you straddled his eager mouth, blushing at his sweet words as his lips planted kisses on your thighs.

Feeling his hands on your hips, he drew you closer, his tongue eagerly finding your clit, eliciting moans of pleasure from you. As his hands explored your body, adding to your arousal, you couldn't help but cry out in bliss as he skillfully pleasured you,

As your pleasure surged, you couldn't contain your cries, feeling the intensity of his actions. "Oh, fuck," escaped your lips as he intensified his efforts, his mouth and tongue working fervently on your clit. His suction grew stronger, his tongue moving with increasing speed, drawing out guttural moans from you. "Oh my god," you exclaimed as the waves of your orgasm crashed over you, "fuck," you moaned as he persisted in his ministrations.

His hands gripping your hips, pulling you closer, he delved deeper into your core, his touch sending shivers down your spine. "Oh god, don't stop," you gasped, your breath ragged as you requested his fingers. With a calm demeanor, he complied, easing his fingers into you, eliciting a blissful moan from your lips. As he continued to pleasure you, his fingers moving rhythmically inside you, your cries of ecstasy filled the room.

"Oh my god," you moaned aloud as he momentarily paused, only to reposition himself behind you. Bending you slightly, he inserted two fingers, drawing out a soft, pleasurable moan from you. With relentless determination, he showed no mercy, driving you towards another peak of pleasure. The sound of slick noises filled the air as his fingers worked expertly within you, pushing your head gently into the headboard to ensure your stability as you surrendered to his touch.

As his hand pressed you down onto his fingers, a fervent moan escaped your lips, the sensation overwhelming you. "Oh my god," you cried out as he intensified his movements, driving you wild with desire. With increasing speed and force, his fingers plunged into you, eliciting a chorus of ecstatic moans from your lips.

Suddenly, he withdrew his fingers, his command clear. "Turn around," he instructed, guiding you gently as you complied, meeting his intense gaze. Enveloped in his embrace, you shared a deep, passionate kiss, his desire evident in his words as he broke the connection. "I want to fuck you," he declared, and you eagerly nodded in agreement, urgency coursing through your veins.

Pushed onto the bed, your legs spread wide, you watched as he knelt between them, his eyes fixated on your dripping arousal. His finger traced circles on your swollen clit, then slipped inside you, claiming you as his own. "Mine," he whispered, his gaze never wavering from yours, and you nodded in submission, a smile playing on your lips. "I'm yours," you affirmed, anticipation building in the air.

With a hungry look, he licked his lips before slowly entering you with his cock, causing you to gasp in ecstasy. "Oh my god," you moaned loudly as he began to move within you, the intensity of his thrusts driving you to the brink of pleasure.

As he increased the pace, driving into you with fervent desire, your cries of ecstasy filled the room. "Oh my god," you moaned loudly as he relentlessly fucked you, each thrust pushing you closer to the edge. Leaning down, he captured your lips in a passionate kiss, his declaration of love mingling with the sounds of your pleasure. "I love you," he murmured against your lips, his words igniting a fire within you.

Wrapping your legs around his waist, you reciprocated his declaration, your voice filled with desire. "I love you too," you confessed as he continued to ravish you with his relentless thrusts. With a swift motion, he withdrew from you, flipping you onto your stomach. "Get on all fours," he commanded, assisting you into position.

Meeting his gaze over your shoulder, you were met with a declaration of your beauty, sending shivers down your spine. As he entered you from behind, a rush of anticipation flooded your senses. His movements became more intense, driving into you harder and faster, eliciting moans of pleasure from your lips. "Oh my god," you cried out, overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through your body.

Feeling his hand reach around to play with your clit, a surge of pleasure washed over you, intensifying the pleasure building within. "Oh my god," you moaned again, lost in the ecstasy of his touch. With each deep thrust, you felt yourself teetering on the edge, your body aching for release.

As he took control, holding both your hands behind your back, you surrendered to him completely. Your petite frame under his dominance, your face buried into the sheets muffling the sounds of pleasure escaping your lips. Sensing his impending release, you knew you were on the brink of ecstasy.

With a few final, deep thrusts, you both succumbed to the ecstasy, waves of pleasure washing over you in a euphoric crescendo. As he pulled out, licking you clean, you whimpered from the overstimulation, your body trembling with aftershocks of pleasure.

a sense of blissful exhaustion washed over you both. Lying tangled together under the sheet, hearts racing and skin still tingling from the intensity of your lovemaking. As you caught your breath, he peppered soft kisses along your neck and shoulders, his touch gentle and tender. "You're incredible," he whispered, his voice filled with adoration as he caressed your cheek. You smiled up at him. In his arms, you feel safe and cherished, the weight of the world melting away as sleep begins to claim you. Drifting off with the rhythmic beat of his heart as your lullaby, you rest easy knowing that you are safe. And you finally know, what love actually feels like

~~~

hope you liked it. umh? idk tried, if you want to request anything, please do. (it'll take forever but ill respond)

please check out other works m.list

and enjoy, have a good day, night~

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maybeyoullfindthissomeday · 3 months ago

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Carls,

If you found this, then either you were really lucky or I did something really stupid. Either way, I hope these words find you well. I think we were always firm believers in things happening for a reason. And maybe, I had to get through those "things" to be able to get to you, to enable me to put forward the best version of myself, because that's what you deserve: the best. Not saying that I am the best that this world has to offer, because obviously, I'm not. It’s that I know within every fiber of my being I would do my best to make you feel love like you have never felt before. You know more than anybody what these past two years took and what re-wiring had to occur to find true happiness, maybe something I’ve never ever felt before. Not saying things would be perfect everyday between us because it won’t be. There’ll be a few bad days and the mediocre days, but then those make the good days seem worth it, especially the best days like we had in Chicago, where I had an epiphany and fell for you during Illenium’s set.

Please know that I did try to let the feelings fade, but they didn't, at least not enough to prevent me from writing my shitty poetry for you. But you're here now, and all I can say is that I'm sorry. These poems might be seen as a violation of trust, and/or ruining the pureness of our friendship. It’ll be clear why I had to hide this, at least until the moment was right. So if you’re uncomfortable about the sexual nature of some of these poems, then there’s a link on the side menu to skip them. However if you’re curious, then they’re here for your all-viewing pleasure, but I beg of you to please understand that a lot of this is art and maybe release (not that kind, lol, just catharsis). When you write about love, sometimes the lust breaks through too, and also, sex is easy to write about, at least, for me. I hope you know that I rarely think about it when we spend time together, even though you know I’m a sex and love addict. I believe you know more than anybody that we didn’t become friends with each other for the reason that you were attractive and that there was a possibility of us being together. You were never a back-up plan, and you never should be. You are my best friend, and if there is anybody I want to do life with, it's exactly that, a partner in crime, a festival buddy, a confidant, or a soulmate. And there shouldn't be any secrets between such a pair... so here is my writing from at least since Chicago, and I’m sure you can read between the lines.

I’m ready when you are...

#0 #only you carls #love #pinned here forever

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jasntodds · 6 months ago

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Penance:

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader Summary:❝Thesus: Stop. Give me your hand. I am your friend. Herakles: I fear to stain your clothes with blood. Thesus: Stain them. I don't care. It’s been a month and a half since Crane’s reign of terror was stopped, leaving Gotham to finally return to normal. But, what is normal? After everything Jason and you have been through, it seems normal might be some unobtainable dream state. But that’s not going to stop either of you from trying and maybe, you’ll get lucky in the end. At the end of it, the two of you have suffered enough, right? Right? teaser | Chapter 1 coming May 31 tag list | series masterlist | full masterlist | listen to the full playlist on spotify

Playlist:

Penance - Holding Absence

"I am enough to feel happiness and love. It's hard to say out loud, "I deserve to be happy now". Well, I deserve to be happy now."

2. All That I Can Give - The Plot In You

"Stay for me. Wait for me. Bleed and break for me. I'll give the world somehow. (I won't let you down)."

3. On Purpose - Nurko, Rylan James

"So, I'm gonna love you on purpose and give you every piece of me and diving deeper than the surface cause all I ever wanna be is someone you can lean on when you feel alone. There is no distance that I wouldn't go. You can count on me to put the work in. I'll make mistakes, I won't be perfect but I'm gonna love you on purpose."

4. Broken Ones - Illenium, Anna Clendening

"Cause everyone falls so hard and everything falls apart. But we know we still got heart. Here's to the broken ones."

5. Please, Just Breathe - Written By Wolves

"Please, just breathe. I think I saw a look in your eye the last time that we spoke and you said goodbye. It's been stuck on repeat in my mind."

6. Only Us - DYLN

"There is only us, no one else. I keep your head above the water. You make my fears get smaller. There is only us, nothing else."

7. Another You - Of Mice & Men

"Say anything, say anything. Say anything that can make this all okay. Take it away, take it away. Take away all of this emptiness I feel cause I will never find another, I may never find myself. I will never find another you."

8. Celebration Song - Holding Absence

"I know that years from now when my final flame runs out, I'll be a grain of sand running through a stranger's hand but right now I'm alive. I'm alive. I'm alive, I lived to see today. I lost so much along the way and that's fine cause I'm alive. I've been so hurt for so long."

9. Somebody's Someone - Ryan Carter

"All I ever wanted to know was what it feels like to be somebody's everything like you were to me. Give me half of you. You took all of me. You took everything."

10. In A Perfect World - Dean Lewis, Julia Michaels

"Baby, I said it, you're so scared of regretting something before you can even regret it and we could be great, and it would be great if you'd let it but you leave when it gets too good. You (I) leave when it gets too good. In a perfect world, I am here with you and I kiss you slow in a dim lit room. When you ask me if I love you, I say, "I do". I'm not running from my problems, and I'm not running from you."

#jason todd x reader #jason todd x you #red hood x reader #red hood x you #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #dc fanfic #dc fanfiction #penance

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atmymercy · 4 days ago

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&&& tell me some song lyrics that really speak to you & tell me why! let's do some song analysis here! it's fun to connect over song lyrics! lol woot!

tea cozy time is going to be about spreading love and positivity among us! it’s about a moment of community and sharing! a place to manifest our thankfulness and gratitude towards this world we live in together! woot!

so let’s start sharing!

this is hard because so many songs speak to me! like how do i choose one? i ended up wandering my spotify for a bit until i wandered into 'silence - marshmello, khalid & illenium' and a few years ago, this song taught me so much about myself that i knew this is the one i wanted to share with you all now! this song got me through so many sad or slow moments in my life where i felt like i was waiting for something until i realized i was just waiting on myself the whole time! lol

here are the lyrics that spoke to me the most! the lyrics i would always seem to sing along to because my spirit would be howling to join in!

oooh! i feel better after saying that already! please feel free to comment/reblog to join in! let’s spread some

love & light!

-tea

#tea cozy time #let's all share together! so we can grow together!

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startrekfangirl2233-writes · 1 year ago

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Worst Day

Part 6 of Sometimes All You Need (A Getaway Car)

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x Reader

Description: You're not sure what you'll do if Jake doesn't pull through. It's true - your relationship isn't that old - yet you can't help feeling like the connection between Jake and you is far deeper than a paltry fling. So seeing Jake, your Jake, prone and motionless in a hospital bed is more than you can bear. But you're a fighter, and so is Jake. Having some pleasant company while you wait, that's great too.

Disclaimer: Mentions of injury. Military Deployments. Long-distance relationships. A very eerie nightmare (mentions of blood)

Warnings: Female Reader

Word Count: 4288

Author Note: Here’s Part 6 of Sometimes All You Need (A Getaway Car). Jake finally makes his way stateside again, but as we know from the last episode, things don't look too good! But it'll get better... ish. Love ya! This chapter was wholly written by listening to the song Worst Day - MAX x Illenium on repeat. All of the bold + italicized parts are lyrics from the song!

AO3: Cross Posted Here!

My Masterlist

Previous Part | Series Masterlist | Next Part

It’s been twenty-four hours since you found out Jake has been injured. You’ve been a nervous wreck, barely sleeping or eating as you wear a worn trail into your kitchen tile. You’re running on fumes of coffee and unadulterated spite, every pore in your body rebelling, when you get the call from Maverick saying that the medevac will be landing in half an hour and will be transporting Jake to Naval Medical Center shortly after. You're nervously grasping the steering wheel of Jake’s truck the entire way there. Soon enough, you’re propping up a corner of the Emergency Room waiting room. Just as you’re about to call Maverick again, a flurry of action erupts against the ambulance bay doors. Doctors and other medical personnel descend in droves. You’re on your feet the minute the doors open, walking towards the doors.

You look a mess. You’re wearing your rattiest pair of jeans and a torn, worn t-shirt that’s inside out. Your hair hasn’t seen a comb since you woke up at 3 in the morning, what feels like a lifetime ago. All you care about is Jake. Your first look at him in three months nearly sends you to your knees. He’s motionless lying in that hospital gurney. His skin is pale, but for the lurid bruises painting his skin. You’ve never seen Jake this motionless, this still. He’s the life of the party, at the center of every gathering, always moving and his energy is infectious. But like this? The sight burns like a blade, cutting you from neck to sternum, seeing him unmoving, letting things happen rather than doing . You don’t even notice your knees give out, only registering the sharp crack as they smack into the tiled flooring as you collapse. You watch vacantly as the team of medical professionals cart him right into an operating theater. But no matter how you try to move, you can’t get your legs to cooperate.

The hands that help you up are Maverick’s. You’re not sure when he reached the hospital, but you’re so glad he’s here. He hugs you as you cry, hopeless gut-wrenching, exhausted sobs that rack your entire body. You’re wrung out when you stagger to one of the chairs in the waiting area in front of the Operating Room. In truth, you’re not likely to get much information until a doctor comes out to speak to you. Each halting breath you draw cuts like a thousand knives as you sit hunched over with your elbows on your knees and stare unseeingly at your steepled fingers. Worry and shock and fear and pain cloud every sense.

As an hour turns into two, then three and four, you slump against the back of the chair. Your eyes are itchy, heavy, and swollen with the many tears you’ve shed over the past day. Sleep is practically clubbing you over the head, and you’re quickly losing the battle to stay awake. Maverick is still standing at attention, green eyes intently boring through the closed operating room doors. In the span of a few breaths, you must fall asleep because the next thing you see is Jake.

Closed my eyes and had a dream

About a lonely place

Where flowers only bloom in gray

All the magic turned to dust

Only memories left of us

It’s a place you’ve seen before, one you remember being before, in fact. A picnic out on Mission Bay, if you remember correctly. It was a date early on in your relationship, one back when you were still trying to figure Jake out. He’d driven you to the park and laid out the picnic along with a chilled bottle of wine. The two of you had talked and laughed the entire afternoon away. But while you're seeing everything as you remember, something's just ever so slightly off. All the colors are oversaturated and yet faded at the same time. It feels like it’s been so long since you’ve been that happy. You feel like you’re in a movie reel, seeing Jake’s smiling face after so long. He’s close enough that your fingers should be able to make contact with his skin, but every time you get close enough, he disintegrates the minute you touch him.

I'll never see that tree thе same

The one that we both carved our names

Into with razor blades

Then made out in the summer rain

It had started raining partway through the picnic, and you’d taken refuge with him under the boughs of a colossal willow tree. Sheltered under that tree he’d helped you carve your name and his into the aged wood before kissing you like you were everything he needed to breathe. You’re there now. But when you try to fall into the kiss, Jake’s face shatters into sand in your fingers. It’s sticky and warm and wet when you clench your hands into a fist.

But it’s not sand in your hands when you look. It’s blood, dripping from your fingers, splattered over your face, and staining your dress. The droplets are hot and cloyingly sticky as you try to fight your way to water to wash them away. Suddenly, the willow tree’s branches grip and tear at your dress, skin, and hair. The entire time you fight the grasping branches, you can hear Jake’s voice. But it sounds completely unlike how you’ve ever heard him before. His voice is pained and harsh, screaming your name for help, for assistance. Each word rips into you, tearing you apart because while you fight to reach him, you never seem to get any closer.

You jolt awake, tasting copper in your mouth to the sounds of more medical professionals running into the Operating Room and Maverick hovering in front of you.

“What happened, Mav?” You swallow uncomfortably, trying and failing to summon enough saliva to wash the traces of metal from your mouth.

“I..” He runs his hands through his hair before slumping into the chair next to you. “I dunno, kiddo. They were calling a code blue through the hospital PA.”

“D-did something go wrong with Jake’s surgery?” You can’t hide the fear in your voice.

But with his lack of response, you don’t know anything more than you had before. This time, as you settle down to wait again, there’s more fear filling your mind. Your mind is trapped again in that constant loop of ‘what ifs’, ‘what happeneds’, and ‘what nexts’ again. Please let the code blue not be for Jake. Please. But as you’ve discovered intimately over the past day, your prayers are rarely answered by the powers that be, if they exist at all. You’ve chewed your lips until they’ve bled, and every muscle aches when a doctor steps out of the operating room.

“Hello, are you here for Lieutenant Jacob Daniel Seresin?” You can see the exhaustion lining his face.

“Yes. I’m his emergency contact.” Your voice shakes as you stand up. “This is his CO, Rear Admiral Pete Maverick Mitchell.”

“It’s nice to meet you, miss.” He snaps off a quick salute to Maverick before turning back to you. “Lieutenant Seresin’s surgeries have been a success. We were able to reduce the swelling in his brain and set his tibia and collarbone. Partway through the procedure, Lieutenant Seresin went into cardiac arrest. Thankfully, we were able to stabilize his condition and get his heart beating again.”

You’ve got your hand over your mouth as his words hit you, wrapping an arm around yourself to keep from collapsing at his feet.

“What does this mean for his recovery, Doctor?” You need to know.

“We’ve placed Lieutenant Seresin in a medically induced coma. This is to allow his brain to heal further. We’ll keep an eye on his recovery the entire time he’s in the post-anesthesia care unit. Once we’ve determined his brain has healed enough, we’ll stop the medication and allow him to come out of the coma. Then we’ll assess his physical condition from there.”

You can’t hide your relief or how tears well up in your eyes at the words. Mav wraps an arm around your shoulders. “The doctor says he’s going to be just fine, kiddo. He’s going to be okay.”

You know what Mav means, but a part of you can’t believe it. Not until you see it. Sure enough, just as Mav said, it’s barely a quarter of an hour later that the hospital bed with Jake in it is wheeled out. It's with a considerable amount of relief that you watch eagle-eyed as the doctors and nurses settle Jake into the hospital bed in his post-anesthesia care unit room. If only you could recognize the man you see before your eyes. This stranger? You're having a hard time reconciling him with the impression of Jake in your head. Jake’s always been filled with a sort of uncontainable energy, like lightning whipping through clouds, gathering momentum to strike where you least expect it. It’s a part of your relationship with him that you enjoy the most. He’s never boring, and you never feel like you’re boring with him.

So when you droop into the chair by the bed and take in the sudden hush inhabiting the room now that it’s just you and him, a part of your brain feels like it’s stuck. It’s a constant feedback loop of worry and pain and terror ruling your brain right now. Despite the consistent tinny beeping emanating from the heart rate monitor, you can’t believe that Jake’s going to be okay. Each breath you force into your lungs stinks of that special hospital smell of disinfectant and cleaning products and sickness. You grip his hand, gasping at how cold the fingers are, how the strength seems to have drained out of them. You can still see the bruises peeking out from beneath the hospital gown. His head is shorn close to his skull, and you can just make out where they had to cut into his skull to reduce the swelling in his brain through the bandages swathing his skull. You love this man. So why is it that you can’t stand to see him like this? With a ventilator helping him breathe and drugged up in a coma while his body heals?

Worse still, you can’t help but wonder what this means for what Jake loves to do the most in the world. Will he ever be able to fly again? Jake flies like it’s in his blood, like he’s made to do it. He adores it. Did this incident, be it accident or deliberate, just strip him of the capacity to do the one thing he’d always dreamed of doing? Then there’s the thought of Jake’s family in your mind. How do you get in touch with Jake’s brothers and sisters? You know Jake’s not close with his dad. But his mom and siblings should know, right? But if Jake wanted one of his family to know, wouldn’t one of them have been his emergency contact? The thoughts have you kissing the palm of his cool limp hand and dragging the chair closer to the bed. Your voice is barely there as you finally speak after hours of silence.

“J-Jake.” Your voice hitches on a sob as you glance over his face. "What happened, handsome? This was supposed to be a routine rotation on board. You weren't supposed to get hurt."

A part of you can’t help but wait for a response. But one doesn’t come. Jake’s still and silent with a ventilator over his mouth, and his eyes closed. If you’d known any differently, you would have happily assumed Jake was just sleeping. But he’s not. You want nothing more than to hear his voice again.

“Jake, Oh, I almost lost you like that” Your voice is soft as you cup his jaw, leaning over his still form, tracing your way gently over the stubble growing on his cheeks and chin. “Oh, don't wanna think about that, Oh, don't wanna think about that, The thought of you never comin' back”

You’re still clutching at his hand a few hours later when a couple of nurses stop into his room to take his vital signs and subsequently chase you out as visiting hours end. It leaves you out in the parking lot in Jake’s truck longing for the days when you could have just picked up the phone and called Jake when you missed him. The two of you have had so many conversations like that, spilling secrets in the dead of night, and it’s one particular conversation that you remember the most.

It was late and well into the witching hour. You’d been out with Jake once again, and once again, time had gotten away from both of you. You'd been lying in the bed of his pick-up truck, star-gazing yet again. But you weren't near North Island, not this time. You'd driven north and west, leaving San Diego in the rear-view as Jake's truck ate up the miles between you and the Mojave Desert.

In a small camping area just off the desert, Jake had parked the car and helped you into the truck’s bed via the tailgate. He'd pulled out two paper cups and a bottle of champagne.

"What're we doing now?" Your voice had been questioning as he'd proffered the cup to you with the biggest grin.

"This, gorgeous, is because I missed you. It's been a long week, my darling girl. What better way to spend time with each other than you, me, some good alcohol and dinner under the stars?"

You'd sipped a mouthful of alcohol from the cup before setting it down on a stable bit along with the bottle and Jake's own before levering yourself into his lap. The kisses you'd shared with him that night had tasted like champagne bubbles and pure joy.

"Not that I mind, pretty girl, but d'you want to tell me what that was for?" You can still remember how his voice sounded.

"It’s been,” You’d peppered another few kisses across his lips and cheeks, “a completely harrowing, disgusting week. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. The worst part is that it felt like no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. You’ve described it once, you know? The feeling when you’re up in the sky flying supersonic when you go into a turn and the whole world seems to be sitting on your chest? That’s what this week has been like for me. And I can’t. I can’t tell you that it was just one thing weighing on me, because it’s not. It feels like a perfect storm.” You’d buried your face into the crook of his neck after you’d finished speaking, taking in the scent of his detergent, cologne and the ever-present light whiff of jet-fuel embedded in his skin.

“What about now, baby doll?” His big hands feel so good against your back as he massages the tense muscles running down your back. You’re plastered so completely against him that you can hear the rumble of his voice in his chest as he speaks. You shrug, infinitesimally, burrowing even closer to him. Your voice is muffled in the fabric of his shirt as you murmur, “It’s always better with you, Jay. Always. Love you.”

Jake had finally coaxed you out of his arms and into eating some of the food he’d packed. The night had ended with the two of you lying side by side in the bed of the truck looking up at the stars. This far from the city and its light pollution, you can see thousands of pinpricks of light shining in the sky above. You’ve been pointing out the stars for a while when Jake tugs you close. He intertwines your fingers with his before pulling your hand to his mouth. You can feel the prickling tug of his stubble against the soft skin and the dampness of his lips. He kisses your digits carefully before tugging you in until you’re curled into his chest.

“Gorgeous girl, you changed my life the day I met you.” Your resulting huff is disbelieving.

“I’m serious! When we met, I wouldn’t say that I was at a low in my life, not necessarily, but I did feel like something was missing. That missing piece, that was you. Baby Doll, I knew I was going to fall for you completely the first word you spoke. One day, one day soon, I’m going to take you home. To Texas. I want you to meet my mama, my brothers and sisters. They’re going to love you as much as I do.”

Jake was going to say something more that night, but in truth, you’d been so blown away by him that all you’d been able to think of was making him feel your love. That’s the closest you’ve ever gotten to an indecent exposure charge, fucking Jake in the bed of his truck and waking up in the early morning light completely naked in his arms.

It’s silent in the house as you walk in, not bothering to turn on any lights. As you fall into bed just wearing one of Jake’s old tees and a pair of panties, you make a fervent promise to yourself and anyone who’s listening. You’re going to see Jake’s smile again, hear his voice again. When you do, you’re going to let him take you home, because you love him, and he needs to know how much you do.

The next three weeks you spend in Jake’s hospital room. The doctors and nurses in the post-anaesthesia care unit get to know you intimately. It helps that for much of the day while you’re there, you’re mostly quiet, typing away on your laptop while attending the occasional meeting, allowing the doctors to do their thing unimpeded. Jake’s condition doesn’t change. The doctors check on him every day, monitoring his brain waves and ensuring that none of the surgical sites are becoming infected. But no matter what they do, he stays lost in a dream world that nobody can pull him from.

The doctors ensure you over and over again that he’ll wake up when he’s ready. You can see the immense amount of sympathy in their eyes each day when they can’t offer you anything but empty platitudes. Three days after Jake’s admittance to the hospital you finally break down and call his mom. It hadn’t felt right, keeping such big, potentially life-altering news from her.

Georgia Marie Seresin is just as Jake had described her. She’d descended on San Diego with all of the force of a Category 5 hurricane not even a day after you’d called her. If you’d had the presence of mind to notice the resemblance you’d have giggled at how much Jake reminds you of her. You’re not sure what you’d expected when you’d called her but it definitely had not been to face the brunt of her mothering. She’d hugged you tight and thanked you for taking care of her son for so long by yourself.

“It’s alright now, sweet thing. Mama Georgie’s here.” She’d held you tight as the tears had welled in your eyes. “We’re going to take care of our boy. Now that I’m here, we’re going to get you taken care of as well.”

Her first order of business had been to take you home, leaving Jake’s eldest brother Will to sit in the room with him while she got you into a shower and some home-cooked food to eat. She brings your house to life in minutes. You haven’t been all too terrible in taking care of yourself. In fact whenever you’d felt yourself slipping, you’d been hearing Jake’s voice chiding you into doing better. You’d give anything to hear it again in person, perhaps with the addition of a six foot tall aviator draping himself over your back while muscling you out of the kitchen with a kiss or two or five.

Thankfully, Mama Georgie, as she’s insisted you call her despite your protests, pretends not to notice how you fall apart in your bedroom every night. Or how your eyes go all misty and faraway whenever you catch Will’s silhouette out of the corner of your eyes. It’s a relief having them here. They give you hope that Jake’s going to wake up. Maybe you did it backwards, meeting his mom and brother before you were ready, and definitely before he was. But if there is anybody who deserves to be surrounded with the people he loves when he’s hurting, it’s Jake. Having Mama Georgie and Will in San Diego helps, especially when work upticks and all of a sudden you’re spending more time trapped in your home office working on what feels like everything under the sun when you’d rather be with Jake.

You’re at the end of your rope the day Jake wakes up. You’d been on calls working since about 3 AM. You’d been so frazzled that you hadn’t even been able to say goodbye to Mama Georgie and Will when they left at about 10 in the morning. When you get the call at 4 in the afternoon, you nearly don’t pick up. But you’re so thankful you do, because even as Mama Georgie tells you Jake is awake, you can hear Jake in the background. His voice is hoarse and barely there, but you can recognize it from a mile away.

It takes you an inhuman amount of control to finish the last hour of work you have and run to the hospital. You’re white-knuckling the steering wheel of your car, forcing yourself not to speed the entire way there. You park the car in what is the sloppiest parking job you’ve done since you were first learning to drive and run into the hospital. You can’t prevent the way your body sags against the door frame when you see Jake propped up in the hospital bed. He’s pale and covered in bandages, but he’s the best sight you’ve seen in months. Mama Georgie’s fluttering around him, fluffing up his pillows and making sure he’s comfortable.

It's Jake who notices you first, smiling that gorgeous grin you missed so much at you.

"Hey, my gorgeous girl! Four months and the first time you see me and I don't even get a kiss and a hug?" His voice is teasing even as you can hear the hoarseness from where he'd been intubated not long ago.

You don't even register Mama Georgie or Will walking past, you're that fixated on Jake. His eyes haven't left your face once, not even when you're sitting in the chair by his bed. You're inexplicably afraid to touch Jake right now. Over the past weeks you've had many nightmares, most of which ended with Jake disappearing at your touch. As with most things in your relationship, Jake takes the lead by carefully dragging his knuckles across your cheek. At the first tender touch, your eyes well and you can't help your sobs as you take his hand. His eyes widen as tears spill in hot trails down your cheeks.

"Aww, hey Gorgeous. I'm alright. I'm going to be okay." His words just make you sob harder. He brushes your tears away before tugging you up, despite your protests, to perch on the side of his hospital bed.

"What're you doing, Jay?" Your voice is stuffy and confused as you look down into his face. From your new vantage point you can see the exhaustion weighing on him as well as the stiff way he's moving as he looks at you.

"Give me your hand?" You place your hand in his and relish in the heat of his skin as he splays your fingers over his heart. You can feel his warmth even through the hospital gown. "D'you feel that gorgeous? That's my heart, beating for you. I'm still here. I hurt like I got run over by a herd of the cattle we have at the ranch, but I'm here. I'm going to heal up and be as good as new in no time at all, okay?"

His voice goes soft and gentle as he cups your cheek. "So no more crying, baby doll. Now why don't you get over here and give me a kiss, hmm? I've been on a ship in the middle of nowhere with only dreams of you for company for months. You're not going to let a sailor live in these conditions while eating hospital food, now are ya?"

Your resulting giggle is strangled as you carefully press your lips to his. You can’t help kissing him over and over again. You keep the kisses feather-light before drawing back and resting your forehead gently against his. Your voice is a whisper as you murmur, "I love you, Jake. So much. Don't you ever, ever do this again, Jake. Finding out you'd been hurt was the worst day of my life."

"I know, baby doll. I'm sorry. I didn't intend on getting hurt. Forget getting hurt so badly. Can you ever forgive me?" His words make you gasp and shake your head. As if he were to blame.

It's as you settle back into the chair by his bedside that you respond with one word. "Always."

His smile is tired and soft as he murmurs back, "I love you." You sit in that chair watching as his face smooths, the lines fading as he drifts off to sleep. You press another kiss against his lips and settle in to watch over him. Jake's safe and home. There’ll be rough times ahead as he heals, but you can rest now.

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

Taglist:

🚙 @mayhemmanaged

🚙 @love2write2626

🚙 @little-wiseone

🚙 @eli2447

🚙 @f1maverick

🚙 @desert-fern

🚙 @daphne-turner

🚙 @djs8891

🚙 @shanimallina87

🚙 @chaoticassidy

🚙 @kmc1989

🚙 @dempy

🚙 @mamaskillerqueen

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quicksilverster · 2 years ago

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walk me home ❀ ayato

⋆⑅˚₊✎ genre(s): fluff ⋆⑅˚₊✎ description: Ayato decides to walk you home. ⋆⑅˚₊✎ pairing(s): ayato x gn!reader ⋆⑅˚₊✎ word count: 922 ⋆⑅˚₊✎ a/n: never wrote an x reader before, so i don’t know how this turned out. also inspired by the song walk me home by said the sky, illenium, and chelsea cutler. ⋆⑅˚₊✎ dedication: @aodjslksck hehe (HOPE U GET AYATO NEXT TIME)

“Hey,” Ayato calls.

Despite the rain, you can hear Ayato clearly through the noise, almost as if he is whispering right into your ear. You turn around, but he is on the other side of the estate, his hand gripping a purple parasol.

“What?” You demand. You aren’t sure if he heard you, but he answers your question anyway.

“There is no way I’m letting you walk home in the rain alone, darling,” he says, stepping forward. You wince, both at the nickname and how quickly Ayato’s countless layers of clothing absorbed the rainwater that made its way under the umbrella.

“I’m not your darling,” you snap.

“I’m aware of that, darling,” Ayato makes his way towards you, positioning the parasol exactly above your head. You closed your eyes, feeling your heart stutter at how close Ayato’s chest was to yours.

“Let’s get going, then.” You say, turning around before Ayato could catch the blush scattered on your cheeks.

It is not so bad, you decided, having the young head of the Kamisato Clan and Yashiro Commissioner walk you home on a dark, rainy night. A few hilichurls were waiting around the path down from Mount Yougou, but Ayato made short work of them. You averted your gaze when he grinned back at you, sweat and rain dripping from his face and hair. His clothes were pressed against his skin, exposing lines you didn’t know existed.

You live on the foot of the mountain, alongside a few other houses belonging to people who work at the Kamisato Estate. Even though there was a good enough number of people who settled there, the area was not large enough to be referred to as a town or village, so most people referred to it as the Yougou Settlement. You were on the outskirts of the settlement when you stopped Ayato, pressing your hand against his chest.

“This is where we part,” you insist, ignoring the dampened surface of Ayato’s jacket. “It is not befitting for the Yashiro Commissioner to be seen with a common girl.”

Ayato laughs as if you had cracked a funny joke about lavender melons or sakura blooms. “You know people don’t care about that stuff anymore, right? Especially those from around here.”

“I cannot be seen around you,” you continue to insist. “It is late, anyway. You should go home now.”

“At least let me walk you back to your house.”

You only relented because Ayato took both your hands in his (umbrella handle nestled underneath his arm), and you did not know how to respond.

You and Ayato manage to arrive at your house without anyone spotting the two of you, much to your relief. At the door, however, Ayato did not budge from the front steps even after you entered your home, and when you inquired him, he answered, “Well, I’m rather drenched from our encounter with those hilichurls. Don’t you think it’d be courteous if you invited me in to clean myself?”

You almost swore at him then and there, but you let him in.

As Ayato occupied your bathroom, you lay on your bed with a book on your lap, reading from the dim light of the torch behind you. When the doors of the bathroom swung open without warning, you nearly jumped; Ayato had emerged with a towel on his head and his seven layers of attire stripped down to a single black shirt and navy blue shorts.

“W-what are you doing?” You yelp, visibly scrambling backward as Ayato climbs onto the bed.

“Keeping you company,” Ayato shrugs as if his answer must have been obvious to you. “Thoma told me you lived alone, and that you wished there was someone who could stay with you. That is what I am here for.”

You closed your eyes. Dang it, Thoma. “Is this why you wanted to walk me home?”

“Well, I did not want you to walk through the rain by yourself and without an umbrella, so I decided this would be a bonus.” He is by your side within seconds, his warm torso pressed against yours as he rested his towel-clad hair on your shoulder. “What are you reading?”

You clear your throat, nervous at the comfortable weight on your arm. “Just… a novel Ayaka got for me from the Yae Publishing House.”

“I see,” Ayato mumbles. He seems to be falling asleep. “Read me some of it.”

You want to object, but ultimately decide to go for it anyway. As you read lines from the romance novel in your hands—making sure to avoid all the spicy scenes—you feel Ayato’s towel tumble from your shoulders, his sky-blue locks pressing against the bare skin of your neck. You close the book as you watch Ayato’s sleeping form, comforted at the sight of his peaceful expression. Without thinking, you press your palm against Ayato’s cheek, exhaling nervously when he does not budge. You try to suppress a smile; it has been so long since you have seen Ayato without stressed brows or mischievous eyes.

“Sleep well, Ayato,” you whisper, pressing a kiss on the side of your temple despite your every nerve telling you not to. This is the head of the Kamisato Clan after all—who are you to kiss him? Yet you did so anyway, ignoring the corner of your brain nagging you about the inevitable consequences of your actions. You snuffed the light and placed your book next to it, before circling your arms around Ayato as you both dreamed of places far away.

#ayato imagines #ayato x reader #genshin impact ayato #genshin impact #genshin impact imagines #kamisato ayato #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact drabbles #genshin impact fluff #fluff #inazuma #x reader #listened to one song and wrote a whole ass drabble #stories #quicksilverster

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mewnekoice-mecha · 1 year ago

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From The Ashes

For the Wonderful @selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs

Thank you for letting me make this. This is a fun little plot i had for the Series. What happens when the Bsd cast find out that (fem)Guiding Light is an Internet Singer, and thanks to them overcame a creative block?

It's been a couple of months since the BSD cast came into your world, and honestly having them around has done wonders for your self-esteem and health. Right now you're looking through a book but not just any book your Song book, you were thinking about making them a song as thanks for just being there and getting them out of a slump.

Before the Cast came to your world, you were a fairly popular and well-known Internet singer but due to some family issues and just life it's taking a back burner and before you knew it six months had passed without you making anything. The only reason the bsd cast don't know about this is because you never took your phone or laptop into the mini recording studio you had in your house at the time. Since coming that studio has now being upgraded thanks to Francis and Alcott, your more surprised that no one questioned why there was a recording booth in the house.

Anyway, back to the point you're making a song and have to hide it from the others til it's ready which is proving to be easier said than done thanks to Three specific people *cough* Ranpo, Dazai, Fyodor*cough* and you're almost done, all that's left is adjusting the music and then actually singing it,but those nosy men won't let you.

Deciding enough is enough you go whine to Fukuzawa hoping he'll calm them down enough so you can finish the song. And behold it worked while Fyodor didn't really care Dazai and Ranpo sure did, and that gave you enough time to go find junichiro and con him into helping you.

"Ok I know I've been acting off lately but there's a reason for that, can you all meet me in the dance room," you asked. Blushing when curious eyes meet yours.

" It's about time, so we can finally see what you've been hiding," Ranpo declared, before dragging atsushi with him ignoring any protests.

After settling in the room, I explain what i've been working on and why I kept kidnapping certain people. That done I ask junichiro to start the music once I get settled.

(Start Playing "From the Ashes" by Illenium ft.Skylar Grey)

The room went black before showing a ruined town filled with smoke and ashes, as the music starts I appear wearing what was once a white dress now dirty with soot and burned in certain areas.

" Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, ah, ah, yeah"

Moving around the ruins like I was scared but still powering on it became clear that I was badly hurt but ignoring it.

"I've been here before If you want, go ahead, start a war It's not that I'm brave It's that I would rather die Than for things to stay this way"

Still roaming the ruins, I look through the rubble looking more and more upset when i can't find what I'm searching for.

"Losing means nothing If there's nothing to lose

What do you want from me tonight? You wanna burn down everything in sight I'm not afraid of a little fire So light your matches And I will rise from the ashes"

Turning a corner shadowy figures could be seen laughing and mocking a figure on the ground,as I get close the figure turns out to be me but my dress is white and I'm wearing make-up and jewelry which I'm no longer wearing.

"(Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, ah, ah, yeah) From the ashes From the ashes (The ashes, the ashes) So light your matches (The ashes) And I will rise from the ashes

(Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, ah, ah, yeah) (Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, yeah) From the ashes (Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah)"

The figure on the ground glared at the people laughing before getting up and saying something, which didn't make the people laughing happy but shadow me didn't care and walked away from them.

"The flames fill my lungs Burning up everything I've become It's not that I'm brave, no It's that I've been here before And I know I'll be okay

Losing means nothin' If there's nothing to lose"

Leaving that scene, I continue on my walk before hitting another memory, this time showing the BSD cast helping me and showing little shots of day-to-day life, like reading with Oda and Poe, Riding on Atsushi, petting Rashomon and more. As the slideshow continued my dress was slowly burning and and I was turning darker.

"What do you want from me tonight? You wanna burn down everything in sight I'm not afraid of a little fire So light your matches And I will rise from the ashes

(Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, ah, ah, yeah) From the ashes From the ashes (The ashes, the ashes) So light your matches (The ashes)"

As I turned towards the Cast I smiled before slowly falling apart like ashes, forming a Phoenix out of my ashes I 'flew' around them before landing on the ground in front of them as a pile of ashes.

And I will rise from the ashes

(Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, ah, ah, yeah) (Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, yeah) From the ashes (Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, ah, ah, yeah)

(Ah, ah, ah, yeah, ah, ah, ah, yeah) So light your matches And I will rise from the ashes

The pile of my ashes started moving before, 'Hatching' and I rose again but now my dress is back to white and and I had my hands stretched out towards them. After that it was silent until I was knocked over by Anya and kenji, with nanomi and atsushi not far behind saying how cool that was and why did i hide such a thing.

#self aware bungou #for fun #songfic #might do more

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theidiotwhowritesthings · 2 years ago

Note

Din Djarin x Reader playlist?

SAY LESS. Okay, so this is a messy ass playlist. Basically, it has no real thought to it, but was created solely on vibes. If I heard a song that screamed Din Djarin x Reader (specifically for 'A Fresh Start') then it made the list.

side note if someone who is artistically inclined would like to make me a cute little banner for this story i would love you forever. i am good at one thing and it is sometimes stringing words together in a coherent and amusing way.

Hello My Old Heart The Oh Hellos

"Hello my old heart/ It's been so long/ Since I've given you away/ And everyday I add another stone/ To the walls I built around you/ To keep you safe."

Kill For Your Love Labrinth

"I'll kill, I'll kill for a little drop of your good love/ I'll rob and steal stars to keep it lit up in your world/ The alphabet need only U and S/ Cause all we'll ever need is us."

die first Nessa Barrett

"But if one of us dies/ I hope I die first/ Cause I don't wanna live without you/ I don't wanna ever learn/ How to fall asleep without you."

Ocean (ft. Khalid) Martin Garrix

"You could put an ocean between our love, love, love/ It won't keep us apart/ You could build a wall I would run it up, up, up/ Just to get to your heart."

I Could Use a Love Song Maren Morris

"I could use a love song/ That takes me back, just like that/ When it comes on/ To a time when I wouldn't roll my eyes/ At a guy and a girl/ who make it work in a world/ That for me so far just seems to go so wrong."

ceilings Lizzy McAlpine

"Bed sheets, no clothes/ Touch me like nobody else does/ Lovely to just lay here with you/ You're kinda cute and I would say all of this/ But I don't wanna ruin the moment."

Oh My Stars Andrew Belle

"Everything you see is ours, or it could be if you would try/ I wish you would, I wish you might, oh/ If everything you've said to me has been true, oh/ Then all my stars are leadin' me to you, oh."

The Anchor Bastille

"Morning, noon, day, or night/ You were the light that is blinding me/ You're the anchor that I tie to my brain/ Cause when it feels like I'm lost at sea/ You're the song I sing again and again/ All the time, all the time/ I think of you all the time."

Castaway Brett Eldridge

"If I got smart, I'd trade my wings for your heart/ And I'd promise to never chase the wind/ I look up at the moon, but all I see is you/ And I'm reminded I need your love again."

this is what falling in love feels like JVKE

"I got a lot on my mind/ Got some more on my plate/ My baby got me looking forward/ To the end of the day/ What you say?/ You and me?/ Just forget about the past."

Parachute Kyndal Inskeep & Song House

"Who knew/ I'd be falling like I am with you/ Heart's up in my throat that's what you do/ Love is pretty scary when it's true/ And oh we know/ Every step is like walking on a tight rope/ Gravity is begging me to let go/ Love is pretty scary when it's true/ Afraid of height but you're my parachute."

To Hell & Back Maren Morris

"Now heartbreak ain't a competition/ But I took it in a landslide/ The skeletons I wanted to bury/ You liked out in the light/ You didn't save me/ You didn't think I needed saving/ You didn't change me/ You didn't think I needed changing."

Powerful (ft. Ellie Goudling) Major Lazer

"There's an energy when you hold me/ When you touch me, it's so powerful/ I couldn't leave if I wanted to/ Cause something keeps pulling me back to you."

Dandelions Ruth B.

"I think that you are the one for me/ Cause it gets so hard to breathe/ When you're looking at me/ I've never felt so alive and free/ When you're looking at me/ I've never felt so happy."

Crashing (ft. Bahari) ILLENIUM

"Hey, are you really this good?/ Damn, are you really this good?/ Baby, you're just like a drug/ I'd bottle you up if I could."

Tell me what you think? Is there one song here that you think really encapsulates Din and our reader?? Do you have a suggestion or a song you think of when you read A Fresh Start??

#the mandalorian #din djarin x you #din djarin x reader #a fresh start #playlist #mando x you #mando x reader #mandalorian fanfic #mandalorian x reader #mandalorian x you #din djarin

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arcaneglitch · 7 months ago

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alr im back for round 2. ur guardians. all of 'em. what's their theme song.

I hope you know what you asked for when you said all of my Guardians

Harley - Take You Down by Illenium

^ it's this shit. this man has negative self-preservation and consistently puts his friends' lives before his own. my sonnn I love him I want to shake him like a dog with a toy

Jade - Good Old Days by Macklemore (ft Kesha)

She can actually remember her life from before (which is a wild concept and I wish younger me had explored that a bit more when I started writing). She heads up the base training of new Warlocks in the Tower

Fyr - Living Legend by Club Danger

He's the most upbeat and easygoing of my Destiny OCs and the song choice is partially influenced by the similarity between "fire" and "Fyr" (he named his Ghost Spark as a pun so)

Kaedro-22 - Walk by Saint Chaos (ft. Sam Tinnesz)

Kaedro is one of my older Guardians. He ran with Cayde's crew back in the early days and is something of an older brother figure to the younger Guardians in the clan

Bazzle - Meet Me on the Battlefield by SVRCINA

Bazzle is another of the older Guardians. He helped build the walls and after the Red War, he was promoted to become one of Zavala's Deputy Commanders and lead Guardian training in the Tower

Rae - Natural by Imagine Dragons

Rae never actually died to become a Guardian (that's right Bungie, I'm taking Shin Malphur's pre-retcon lore and running). She was one of the Awoken aboard the Yang Liwei, technically making her the oldest of my Guardians. She's got that hater mindset (affectionate)

Rogue - Can't Stop Me Now by Oh The Larceny

This man throws hands first and asks questions later. Token Crucible main /j. He's another older Guardian from the Dark Age. Don't fuck with his clanmates bc he'll Get you

Liv - My Silver Lining by First Aid Kit

She's a bit on the younger side of the older Guardians as she wasn't revived until the City Age. Her philosophy is to have a good time even in the middle of saving the solar system

Kai - Rebirth by Miracle of Sound

Kai is a Sunbreaker from the time when Titans using Solar wasn't mainstream. She lost her original fireteam in the Great Disaster and has since become fiercely protective of her new fireteam and clan, even though she doesn't really show it in traditional ways

Tristan - I'll Go by Direct & Park Avenue

He's probably the quietest of my OCs personality-wise. His Ghost chooses to communicate through their bond via feelings rather than explicit communication

Jesse - Nothing to Remember by Neko Case

Jesse's my newest Guardian OC. They were rezzed after getting murdered in the Last City. After finding out how the whole Guardian thing works, they decide to say fuck you to the class system and go multiclass

Kyler - Fantasy by Aviators

Kyler isn't a Guardian but a former citizen of the Last City that has since relocated to the Tangled Shore. He was dating Harley at one point but was also mixed up with a bad crowd (organized crime involvement) which eventually brought their relationship to a rather catastrophic end

#answered asks #houseofmcallister #my ocs #destiny 2 #chasing fate #music

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fyeahdprian · 3 years ago

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[AV Club] Head In The Clouds

Head In The Clouds is the biggest festival you haven't heard of (yet)

The festival, a celebration of Asian heritage in music, featured performances from CL, Saweetie, DPR Live, DPR Ian, and more

By Shanicka Anderson | November 11, 2021 | 8:04pm

Until we meet again, Rose Bowl Photo: Shanicka Anderson

The last concert I attended was way back in January 2020. (It was Seventeen, at the Prudential Center in New Jersey). At the time, I had no idea it was going to be my last show for almost two years. So the opportunity for me to fly out to L.A. to attend 88Rising’s third Head In The Clouds festival—and its lineup that boasted CL, the queen of K-pop, along with Saweetie, Rich Brian, DPR Live, DPR Ian, Japanese Breakfast and many others—seemed like the perfect event for me to reenter the world of live music.

Additionally, West Coast Asian and Asian-American culture has influenced and directly birthed so much of the music I love, so I was stoked to finally attend a festival that celebrated it. For the uninitiated, 88Rising is a music company with a simple goal for its fest: It tries to round up the best and brightest acts from the Asian continent and the Asian diaspora. And after nearly two years of increased violence and prejudice against the Asian community in the wake of COVID-19, a celebration of its culture felt even more necessary.

Following my five-hour flight (which included a very yappy Pomeranian who barked the entire trip) I was shuttled through LAX into an Uber (I know everyone says you have to drive everywhere in L.A., but damn, y’all really have to drive everywhere) and deposited at my swanky hotel in Koreatown this past Friday night.

Of course, Friday night was also the night of Astroworld, which means I received the horrific news just as I was getting ready to start my own festival weekend. It’s very dizzy and unsettling to prepare for a music fest so soon after learning of the tragedy and the deaths that transpired there, and I’m sure it was something that also weighed heavily on HITC organizers and security guards’ minds as we all headed into the weekend.

Head In The Clouds, day one (DPR Live and DPR Ian, eaJ, Saweetie, CL, and Illenium)

3:15 p.m.

Well, the vibes are off to a bad start. After getting dropped off at the Rose Bowl, I notice immediately that line for will call is very long. Like, probably the longest box office line I’ve ever seen at a concert before, or has possibly ever existed in human history. When I join, I ask around to find out if there’s a separate line for media. They tell me, no, it’s all one line.

Which of course means that, about 40 minutes later, when I finally get close enough to speak to someone else the the box office, I realized that there is, in fact, a completely different line for media. I walk over to that window and get my wristbands in five minutes flat. Sigh.

4:00 p.m.

When I make it past the gates, I am immediately overwhelmed by the sheer number of people. After over a year of being in quarantine and avoiding crowds, I’ve forgotten how to be around a crowd larger than ten people. And as I walk awkwardly and stiffly across the grassy field, I’m pretty sure it shows.

I walk past the merch stalls and take stock of the food vendor options (I notice a boba stall, a dim sum stall, one place that serves pork belly buns and another place that makes mapo tater tots at first pass), heading towards the main “88Rising” stage.

I also survey the crowd. It’s a pretty eclectic mix: There are the guys who look like frat boys from a state college, couples who already can’t keep their hands off of each other, girls in fishnets and mesh who look dressed for a rave, and people who look ready to party like it’s 2019. I’m not totally sure how many people are expected to turn out this weekend but I already know that this will easily be the largest festival I’ve ever attended.

4:30 p.m.

DPR Live and DPR Ian’s joint set was the one I was looking forward to the most. Live’s music is more firmly hip hop-based; I’ve listened to him for years, and his set was full of crowd pleasers like “Martini Blue,” “Text Me,” and “To Myself.” (For that last one, just picture thousands of people screaming along to, “DPR, we gang gang!”) Live and Ian were joined by Korean-American musician eaJ for their collaboration “Jam & Butterfly,” and I was absolutely thrilled—I’m interviewing eaJ later, so it was good to get a little a preview before his own HITC slot tomorrow.

Ian’s contribution to the DPR set included “Nerves,” “Scaredy Cat,” and his powerhouse debut single, “So Beautiful.” This was also Ian’s first time performing a show—ever. A pretty rad stage debut, if you ask me.

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6:00 p.m.

Saweetie has just kicked off her set, and with the light work and projection screen illuminating the crowd, I can see how much the main stage area has filled out. My friends and I pick a less crowded patch of grass in the VIP section of the field to hang out for the evening. Also, it’s finally dark out, so it feels more like a concert now; the energy has ratcheted up.

Saweetie is one of those artists I never though I’d see live, so having her on this lineup is a treat. During her set she expresses appreciation for HITC and gives a special shoutout to her “Asian king and queens” in the crowd, delivering a set list that includes “My Type,” “Tap In,” and “Best Friend” (sadly, she performs that last one solo, without Doja Cat).

7:30 p.m.

My interview with eaJ goes smoothly (you can check that out when it goes up this weekend) but I was nervous that I would miss the main draw: CL. As I leave the media clubhouse and hurry out to the stage, it all kind of happens in slow motion: CL starts singing my favorite song “+DONE161201+,” I power-walk to the grass, and plant myself among a group of concertgoers who have decided to enjoy the show while sprawled out on top of some picnic blankets.

By the time CL brings Ian and Live out on stage to do “No Blueberries,” I’m getting a little embarrassingly emotional over how much I fucking missed live music. I forgot what it was like to listen to a song over and over again in your room alone, for months, and then go to a show and have the chance to scream the song with a bunch of strangers who love it just as much as you do. It’s so damn powerful.

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8:00 p.m.

This is when the night takes a turn for the worse.

After CL’s performance, I meet back up with my friends, and we all decide it’s finally time to get food. All of the lines for the food stalls are incredibly long, so we decide to hop on the Korean barbecue line. After 20 minutes in line, we get to the cashier, only for me to discover they’re out of their only vegetarian option—which for me, a vegetarian, sucks. And to add the most brutal insult to injury, though I didn’t know it yet: It was time for Illenium’s set.

8:20 p.m.

To be honest, before Head In The Clouds, I’d never listened to Illenium. After HITC, I realized that my ignorance was bliss. Illenium is a DJ who makes some of the most grating EDM I have ever heard in my life. Maybe the people who aren’t covering this festival for work and who are on multiple recreational substances can appreciate his set, but for me, it’s awful. As his performance continues, I leave the field and seek refuge in the media clubhouse.

9:20 p.m.

With the vibes of the evening thoroughly destroyed by Illenium (the only white dude performer on the lineup, and he sent our mood and energy levels into a nosedive!), I decide to call it a night. After all, I have to be back the next afternoon to do this all over again.

As I’m leaving the Rose Bowl, I walk past the Double Happiness stage. Japanese Breakfast is in the tail end of her set; the crowd is more subdued over at this stage, but they’re super-engaged, and I can tell that JBrekkie’s set was the polar opposite of… whatever the hell Illenium had going on.

We left the Rose Bowl and only had a slightly sketchy and mildly terrifying experience with the fake “cab company” that took us back to our Airbnb. The L.A. experience, baby! A rich tapestry!

Head In The Clouds, day two (Feelghoodmusic, Keshi, eaJ, Niki, Joji)

4:30 p.m.

The Feelghoodmusic set is another combination, featuring MFBTY and Bibi—artists from the Feel Ghood Music label, created by Tiger JK in 2013. Tiger JK, his wife and bandmate Yoon Mi-rae, and Bizzy—all of the OG K-hip hop group, MFBTY—take the stage, and they don’t let us forget their long history in the industry. “We’re old as shit,” Tiger JK tells the crowd.

However, that doesn’t stop them from dialing up the energy as we head into the second evening of the festival. The group’s enthusiasm is so infectious, I watch two separate breakdancing circles open up just on the other side of the VIP fence. And I mean honest-to-god breakdancing—people are doing handstands and backflips! Tiger JK doesn’t seem eager to leave the crowd, because he blatantly ignores his cue to end their set until the music is cut, the projection screen goes black, and the metaphorical rug is pulled out from under them.

For Bibi’s half of the Feelghoodmusic set, she keeps the momentum going but adds a layer of slightly unhinged sex appeal. “Who’s having sex tonight?” she asks before shoving a hand into the giant beige purse she brought onstage with her; it’s filled with condoms and she gleefully throws handful after handful into the crowd. (I find out later that she actually hopped down off the stage, walked over to the barriers, and smooched one of the festivalgoers right on the mouth.) A part of me is obsessed with the chaotic and powerful energy of that… but a far bigger part of me is, uhhhh, horrified at the idea of kissing a stranger, in the middle of a crowd, in the middle of a pandemic.

5:38 p.m.

One of the best things about a festival is when you stumble onto performance you hadn’t planned to watch, and end up walking away with a brand new music obsession. That’s what happened with me and Keshi.

Before he comes out, the crowd starts chanting his name. No performer yet has inspired such a reaction, so my interest is piqued. When he starts the first line of “Beside you,” every single person has their phone up and is recording. Again, no other artist other has had this much of the crowd completely enamored, all at once—and to be honest, I’m hooked too. He keeps the audience in the palm of his charismatic hand, even when his mic goes out.

Keshi’s stage presence was especially shocking for me because the music he makes is pretty low key, lo-fi R&B. “It’s quarantine music,” my friend tells me. My other friend agrees: “Yeah, everyone got super into Keshi” during the pandemic. The way everyone around me is screaming Keshi’s own lyrics back at him seems like evidence enough.

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6:30 p.m.

eaJ has a way of building rapport with a crowd. When I saw him perform with his group Day6 back in November 2019, it was the first thing I noticed. The way he bantered with his fans while on stage felt incredibly intimate. I wonder if he’ll be able to recreate that relationship with this massive festival crowd, especially given it’s a solo stage this time around.

I quickly got my answer: Yes. When he gets on stage, eaJ jokes about the arrangement of his setlist, “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m stupid and I make bad decisions. The energy transfer [and] how I divided between songs is not good. I don’t know who the fuck made the track list… I did. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He also playfully laments his fans and their purposefully embarrassing handmade signs. “Why are all my fans always meme-ing on me, bro? Y’all are whack!”

But he isn’t all quips and no substance. Somehow, eaJ—who still technically doesn’t have any songs available on streaming platforms—commands the crowd. He brings Keshi back out onstage to perform their song “Pillows,” and when it’s time to do fan-favorite “50 Proof,” eaJ pulls off a gut-wrenching rendition that feels like I’m being taken to church. “I know some of y’all don’t know me but I know you fuck with me now,” he tells the audience at one point. Amen.

7:33 p.m.

Niki is a goddamn superstar. For those who don’t yet know this artist, she’s a 22-year-old singer from Indonesia and who’s been releasing music with 88Rising since 2017.

And from the moment she walks out onstage, Head In The Clouds becomes The Niki Show. First of all, she has not one, but three outfit changes (first a sparkly sequin outfit with matching eyeshadow, then a pink ruffled dress, and finally a gold romper with matching gold duster jacket). She cycles between doing choreography with her dancers, playing the piano, and playing the guitar. It’s riveting. Keshi comes onstage with her (his third stage appearance of the night) but his mic is still messed up. His mic issues have lasted for hours; what the hell?!

8:48 p.m.

It’s time for headliner Joji’s set, but after reaching the end of these two days, I am tired. Tired enough that I tell my friends to go ahead into the crowd while I sit this one out. And I mean literally sit it out—right here, on the plush faux-suede couches just outside of the media clubhouse.

As I watch Joji’s set, I find myself again filled with the same emotions I felt this time last night. I missed live music, and I’m so beyond grateful to be here. I’m also a nostalgia monster—so naturally, I’m already mourning the end of this festival and this weekend, even while I’m still here.

It’s hard to describe the West Coast Asian-American music scene, but I’m struck by how very L.A. this festival has been. From the warm and sunny weather, to stalls selling spiked boba, to the festival’s lineup itself: Many of these performers are from overseas, and yet they were able to draw massive crowds of people who likely wouldn’t get to see these artists live outside of HITC.

After seeing the enthusiastic crowd this weekend and witnessing how smoothly things went (terrible box office experience notwithstanding), I have high hopes for this festival next year. I imagine that—following the huge turnout and the fact that the entire show was livestreamed on Amazon—Head In the Clouds 2022 will be bigger, better, and have an even more impressive lineup. (Especially if we are finally freed of COVID and its subsequent travel restrictions.)

So, I’ll be back next year… but I’m renting a car.

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