#Sarcastic Quotes About Life Lessons

[goldenroutledge]

one in a million

pairing: lando norris x fem!reader

word count: 1.5k

summary: fluff. lando’s comfort show is revealed to the world and you only love him more for it.

warning(s): swearing, hannah montana (? lol), max f makes an appearance

a/n: i saw the interview of lando saying to oscar “you’ve never seen hannah montana?” and took that personally. hope you like it <3

lando norris masterlist

“Tell us your comfort show, Lando! What are you binge watching these days?” Max exclaims through the mic, voicing a comment from a fan in the livestream chat.

“Yeah and who has time for that?” Lando retorts, ever sarcastic in his banter with his best friend.

Max chuckles. “Man’s won two races and wants you to believe he’s working around the clock.”

“They keep us very busy, you know! In the simulator, doing media…”

“Mhm. He’s just deflecting from answering, guys. Because if he reveals the true answer Y/n’s probably gonna leave him.”

“Keep her out of this alright? I’m not deflecting from anything.”

“Sure you’re not.” Max muses. It’s apparent that Lando’s secret, a potentially embarrassing one at that, is on the tip of his tongue. He can only assume that the reactions in the chat would be good, but the way he’s toying with Lando right now is great. One of his favorite pastimes by far. “Don’t worry guys, you’re not missing much. His comfort show is not even that good anyway.”

“Stop spreading lies on stream, mate. We’re losing all credibility.”

“Did we ever have any?”

A moment of silence falls over the stream, before both men fall into a fit of suppressed laughter almost in unison, obviously failing at keeping their composure when the jokes are low-hanging fruit.

“But seriously, Max has no idea what he’s talking about. I’m not telling you guys the name of the show, all you need to know is that it has plot, humor, character development… and it’s not even a cartoon!”

“Yet you’re a little too old to be watching it, don’t you think?”

“You’re not being a very true friend, Max. Who said I’m too old to watch it?”

“Not a true friend? Is that what we’re doing?” Max catches on almost immediately to Lando’s quoting of certain song titles in his sentences, giving small hints to the viewers without completely giving it away. “I know you don’t mean that so I’ll forgive you. After all, nobody's perfect.”

“I hope you’re including yourself in that, mate.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m just like you.” Max sings his last three words, imitating the original songstress as best as he could.

“There we go, that’s more like it.” Lando smiles, amused with himself and with the way the chat is speculating who they’re referring to.

“I’m not changing my mind, it’s time for you to move on from that show. Just kiss it goodbye, Lando.”

“Are you the superfan here or am I? Because you’re quoting an awful lot of songs there.”

Max sighs, clearly taking more humor in this than he probably should. But would it be a Max Fewtrell x Lando Norris stream without a good inside joke? “Life’s what you make it, man.”

“It is what you make it. Some may say truer words have never been spoken.” Lando responds thoughtfully, clearly pondering his words. Or he’s at least pretending to.

“The fact that you get your life lessons from that show is concerning. Has anyone guessed it yet?” Max questions, carefully scanning the chat to see if there’s any mention of a certain blonde pop star.

“Well I don’t need them to guess it! If it’s my comfort show then how comforting would it be for everyone to know it?”

“They already know, mate! We’re not exactly subtle!”

“Fine, then we’ll say it on three. Ready?” Lando suggests, before counting down in unison with Max. “1…2…3…Go-fuck-yourself.”

“Hannah Montana!” Max shouts quickly, leaving an eerie silence over the stream as he bursts into laughter once again, nothing short of hysterical. “It’s Hannah Montana!”

Lando blushes slightly, his stoic expression slowly breaking before he begins laughing himself. If anyone watching didn’t know any better, they’d think he’s crying by the way he cups his face in his hands. It only provokes Max’s reaction further. Out of all of their stream moments, it goes without saying that they know there’s no way this isn’t getting clipped.

–

You’re lounging in bed when Lando returns to you from the ensuite bathroom, fresh out of the shower and ready to cuddle up to you after a long day. His heartbeat usually quickens at the sight of you anyway, but especially now as he sees you there in your shared bed. Visibly calm, cozy in one of his t-shirts, and ready to forget about the outside world with him for the night.

You can hardly peel your eyes away from the video playing on your phone, but it’s not hard once his eyes meet yours. You smile at him which is never out of the ordinary, only this time you know something he doesn’t. There’s mischief in your smirk and he immediately catches onto it.

“Congrats babe, you’re viral.” You face your phone towards him so he can see the video of himself from just hours earlier.

He throws his head back in exasperation and sighs dramatically, knowing that his suspicions have been proved correct. The little Hannah Montana moment between him & Max today was definitely clipped and had made its way into your algorithm. Lando throws the covers back and crawls in bed next to you, feeling at least a little bit soothed at the warmth of your body heat compared to the chill down his spine. He watches the video from over your shoulder, fitting in comfortably right beside you.

“I can’t believe he really went there!” You exclaim, with no urge to scroll past the video and see something else. You’d hate to make Lando feel bad, but it does get a little funnier every time.

“I can.” Lando states matter-of-factly. “He’s been holding it over my head ever since my sister let it slip that we watched it all the time growing up.” You giggle, which prompts Lando to defend himself further. “But it’s a good show! If I put on a wig and took on a new persona, my DJ career would’ve taken off by now. She’s a genius if you think about it. I mean I can’t be the only one who understands, right?”

“You’re not.” You murmur comfortingly, chastely kissing his jaw. “That show is a classic. Don’t let Max bully you into not liking it anymore. I love that you can appreciate good television when you see it, even if it’s Hannah Montana.”

“So you’re not leaving me?” Lando echoes Max’s words from earlier and beams with joy, putting an end to the pout he was putting on for dramatic effect.

“And let him win? Never.” You tease. “And you know why else I’m not?”

He breaks your gaze momentarily, feeling like his heart will turn to mush after you say what’s on your mind. If he’s honest with himself, it always does. “Why else are you not, Y/n?”

“Because you, Lando Norris, are one in a million. Hannah’s words.”

He sighs and smiles wide before giving you a proper kiss. It’s full of gratitude that you always play along, that you always flatter him until he’s blushing but most of all, for just being you. For never being embarrassed by him or hesitating to love him back the way he loves you, cheesy song lyrics be damned.

“Should we watch an episode?”

Lando rests his chin in the nape of your neck and caresses you gently. Moments like these are what makes the distance so agonizing, because you crave nothing more than to be with each other like this again. It’s what brings you back home to each other always, no matter what the coordinates say.

“Sure, baby.” He presses a kiss to your shoulder, trusting your judgment as you scroll through the episodes. Maybe you hadn’t seen them as often as Lando had, but they were fond childhood memories you held also. “Just not the Blue Jeans one!”

You give him a puzzled look, silently asking him to refresh your memory and explain himself.

“You know, Blue Jeans. Her horse? He gets bitten by a snake and almost dies. It’s too sad, we can’t watch that one unless I’m prepared for it, which I am not.”

“But he was okay in the end right?”

“Yeah, but he didn’t deserve what happened to him!” Lando emphasizes and you can hear the stress in his voice as he recalls the memory. “I didn’t think he was gonna recover, it’s a miracle that he did.”

You hum in agreement, amused by his passion. “Don’t worry my love, there are plenty of other episodes to choose from. I know that one is sensitive for you.”

“Promise you won’t make fun of me for it?” Lando teases, lightening the mood from his depressing story about an injured horse on TV.

You pause for a few moments, pretending to weigh your options. “Build me a closet like Hannah’s and you have a deal.” Lando smirks, picturing the image instantly. It was nothing short of a fashion lover’s dream, with shoes along the walls from top to bottom and clothes displayed in a colorful carousel.

He places a kiss on your temple, and then several behind your ears and down your neck to your shoulder, drawing your attention away from the television screen and back to him. He doesn’t really have to pause and think about it. Maybe he’s not always poetic with his words, but he knows in his heart that no gesture is too grand for you. “Consider it done.”

a/n 💌: reblogs, comments & feedback is greatly appreciated! thanks for reading <3

[queer-devil]

DRDT Incorrect Quotes Pt 2

Bc it was fun last time

Same generator was used

Eden: Good morning!

Ace: Is it? Is it really?

J: You know what the problem is? Your really cute, so no one ever told you to shut your pie-hole.

Veronika: You think I’m cute?

J: SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE!

Nico: Hu, Ace keeps bullying me at school.

Hu: Ask your teacher for help.

The next day…

Nico, to their teacher: Will you help me beat up Ace?

Teruko: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Nico: No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Teruko:

Teruko: What?

Nico: I need to feed my Neopets!

Teruko: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!

Eden: It's kind of complicated, but Ace-

Teruko: Got it. Forget I asked.

Whit: Yo! I heard you like reptiles, got any fun facts?

Nico: If a crocodile eats your dad, they become your new dad.

Eden: Breathe, just breathe.

Arei: I’ve done nothing with my life! I’m a failure!

David: Awww, that never bothered you before.

Rose: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Whit: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.

Charles: "If?"

Ace: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

Min: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

Whit: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue?

Rose: Technically a mix of green and blue?

Ace: So blurple.

Levi: That's implying you're mixing blue and purple.

Ace: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE?

Levi: You were confusing before but now I'm scared.

David: What are the hardest things to say?

Charles: I was wrong.

Teruko: I need help.

Whit: Worcestershire sauce.

Teruko: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Charles and Whit's convo?

Eden: Me. I'm in the laundry basket.

Veronika: I'm in the washing machine.

Ace: I'm in the closet.

Eden: We accept you Ace.

Ace: No I'm literally in the closet.

Eden: Love is love.

Charles: There's nothing to do....

Whit: You can wash the dishes you promised to wash about a week ago.

Charles: *pulls out his phone* Nevermind.

Veronika, watching Ace: Ah yes. The mysterious and beautiful Ace…

Veronika: …I wonder what sort of melodic sounds this wonderful being makes?

Ace: *screaming*

Eden: What makes you think it's okay to watch Hannibal given its subject matter?

J: Sometimes, I watch television shows for entertainment purposes.

Veronika: Because I condone murder and cannibalism.

Teruko: Why would you give a knife to Xander?!

David, shrugging: Xander felt unsafe.

Teruko: Now I feel unsafe!

David: I’m sorry…

David: Would you like a knife?

J: I have a problem.

Veronika: Kill it.

J: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

Xander: Don’t go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult.

Ace, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life.

Whit: Don't quote me on this, but I believe murder is illegal!

Ace: Come to think of it… You’ve always been nice to me.

Ace: I mean, you listen to all my problems-

Levi: No, Ace I just simply stand here while you talk, there’s a big difference.

Eden: You know what I learned from my friendship with Ace?

Nico: There’s no such thing as too mean?

J: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them?

Levi: Always hold a grudge?

Levi: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.

Nico: Being a fish.

Levi: …Well, shit.

David: I don’t mean to be rude—

Teruko: Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often.

Hu: "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

David: ...

David: What a stupid fucking quote.

David: I'm killing way more than two people, idiot.

Eden: You know, Teruko, when you generalize, you tell general... lies.

Teruko: ...

Teruko: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.

Levi: Hey, Ace, do you have feelings for me?

Ace: Yeah, anger.

[queenklu]

Seeing AI discourse about writing college papers reminded me of the time I got Called In To A Professor's Office over a paper I wrote that he thought was plagiarized.

See, the thing I had realized about myself by that point was that I am...VERY BAD....at reading the assigned books. I have every intention of doing so while in class, but the instant I'm out of class the book no longer exists (what adhd). So by the end of the year I would always wind up getting screwed over in the book buy-back with books I'd literally never cracked the spine on, because it turned out speed-reading sparknotes could get me through class discussion and I'd developed a System(TM) for panic-writing an essay the night before.

This system was: find an online pdf of the book. Skim. Read summaries. Pull quotes from pdf. Bullshit. Estimate the page number for any citations because no one actually checks those, and use the publication data from the syllabus for the works cited. This works Very Well if you are, like me, a sarcastic asshole who knows teachers want to read an entertaining essay instead of yet another regurgitation of whatever sounds academically "best."

So here's this history class, which actually turns out to be an english class in disguise, and we are told to read and write an essay on The First Autobiography Ever Written in the English Language, which just so happens to be about a lady who had FOURTEEN kids, suffered a psychotic break, and spent the rest of her life campaigning to become a saint.

It's called The Book of Margery Kempe. I cannot express to you how smug I am to find a pdf of the exact same copy we'd been told to buy, down to the same publishing house and year of publication. I won't even have to bullshit page numbers.

...It's written in Middle English.

Here begynnyth a schort tretys and a comfortabyl for synful wrecchys, wherin thei may have gret solas and comfort to hem and undyrstondyn the hy and unspecabyl mercy of ower sovereyn Savyowr Cryst Jhesu, whos name be worschepd and magnyfyed wythowten ende, that now in ower days to us unworthy deyneth to exercysen hys nobeley and hys goodnesse....

This is fine, College!me thinks. A little tedious, but clearly the entire class has successfully done the reading enough to talk about it, so it must be doable. They probably had discussions about the language and I forgot to pay attention.

So I write the essay, pulling quotes from this middle english pdf that I can only half read, but that I can certainly form opinions about. Is it my best essay? No. Is it snarky? Yes. Is it in MLA format? That's mostly what they'll be checking for.

Then the Professor pulls me aside after class and asks to speak with me in his office. I have another class that I have to go to, and because I'm commuting in to college I won't be back on campus until two days later; he says that's fine, and all of this is settled and we've parted ways before it hits me how fucking fucked I am.

It must be the book.

He's going to call me out on not buying the book.

Can he tell I didn't read the book?

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

And I have two days to stew in it.

By the time our meeting rolls around I am a Mess. He is going to fail me. I am going to die. If I open my mouth at all I will burst into tears. Perhaps there is the slimmest chance if I act Normal this will be fine??????

P: So I read your essay...

Me: *using my Normal face* ⊙.☉

P: ...and I'm just wondering...

Me: ⊙.☉'

P: ...where you got the quotes?

Me: ⊙.☉'''

P: .....because the version of the book we read....isn't in Middle English.

Me: ⊙.☉??????????

P: I actually thought you might have plagiarized it--

Me: ⊙.☉!!!!!!!

P:--but to be honest it's written so entirely in your style that it's impossible this essay is plagiarized.

Me: ........⊙.☉.....

P: .... Anyway.

P: Just wanted to chat.

P: Uh. You're free to go.

Me:

HERE'S THE LESSONS LEARNED:

Just buy the book Cite the pdf. The professors Do Not Care how you've read the book as long as they can plausibly believe you've read it.

Just read the book Listen. I wasn't going to get anywhere near an ADHD diagnosis until my 30s. And if they can't tell you didn't read the book, then is it really the same as not reading the book? I think Margery would agree you gotta make some shit up to get anywhere in life.

Being a sarcastic asshole in my academic papers saved me from a plagiarism charge.

[bethanydelleman]

Now that I think about it you are the perfect person to explain Mariah to me from Mansfield Park and I'm not looking to like her per se but I never understood why she insisted on getting married ridiculously fast. Like I know women needed to get married but why such a horrible choice? Was she getting too old?

Hello! Thank you for calling me perfect. Here are the relevant quotes:

Being now in her twenty-first year, Maria Bertram was beginning to think matrimony a duty; and as a marriage with Mr. Rushworth would give her the enjoyment of a larger income than her father’s, as well as ensure her the house in town, which was now a prime object, it became, by the same rule of moral obligation, her evident duty to marry Mr. Rushworth if she could. (Ch 4)

Henry Crawford had destroyed her happiness, but he should not know that he had done it; he should not destroy her credit, her appearance, her prosperity, too. He should not have to think of her as pining in the retirement of Mansfield for him, rejecting Sotherton and London, independence and splendour, for his sake. Independence was more needful than ever; the want of it at Mansfield more sensibly felt. She was less and less able to endure the restraint which her father imposed. The liberty which his absence had given was now become absolutely necessary. She must escape from him and Mansfield as soon as possible, and find consolation in fortune and consequence, bustle and the world, for a wounded spirit. Her mind was quite determined, and varied not..... In all the important preparations of the mind she was complete: being prepared for matrimony by an hatred of home, restraint, and tranquillity; by the misery of disappointed affection, and contempt of the man she was to marry. (Ch 21)

Maria is not too old, she's only 21 and the average age of first marriage in her era was 23.4 for women (Women's History of Britian, 2005). She has several reasons to want to marry, none of them particularly good: wealth, freedom, and hatred of home (also sticking it to Henry Crawford). Her motivations can be understood is we look at the two major influences in her life, Sir Thomas and Mrs. Norris.

Sir Thomas is a strict father who has allowed the indolence of his wife to deprive his daughters of an opportunity to mix much in society. Maria and Julia both really want to spend time in London and have fun. Maria sees marriage as the only way out, especially after having tasted freedom while her father was away. When Henry is no longer a prospect, she clings to Rushworth as her escape route.

Mrs. Norris is obsessed with money and married below the income she wanted. Her principles have been taught to her favourite niece, so Maria accepts that marrying for money is a duty. Maria has been taught, just like Mary Crawford, to disregard feelings in favour of wealth (a good income is the best recipe for happiness). Unfortunately (for her), Maria was never Mrs. Norris and her passions overcome her mercenary education in the end. The "moral obligation" is sarcastic, it reveals how messed up Maria's sense of morality has become.

Lastly, disappointed in Henry Crawford, Maria marries to prove that he hasn't ruined her life. What Maria should have learned from the Henry flirtation is that she is a passionate woman who yearns for love, but she never took that lesson.

Also, I wrote an imaginary conversation between Maria and Mrs. Norris, expanding on these points. I posted it to AO3 for you:

[runningw-thewolves]

List of Random Crap I Associate with Fenrir

(Y’all know the drill by now.)

- The Bathroom from Saw 1

- The Human Pincushion Trap from Saw 4

- RAGE metal (as in metal that makes you think “Who hurt you?” e.g. “Slaughterhouse” by Motionless in White)

- Reaction memes (I’ve included a few examples so you know what I mean)

- Watching a character getting a verbal smack down they had coming for the past hour (e.g. Mirabel telling Alma that Alma is the reason the miracle is dying)

- Being edgy for the fun of it (but not the obnoxious, bigoted kind)

- Deadpan and sarcastic humour

- “I don’t want a life lesson! I just want an ice cream…” (cause we all know what it’s like to go through the wringer - btw, that quote is from Bluey)

- Squidward being done with everyone’s bullshit (just picture it; Fenrir hears about Odin and his dad fighting again and is just like “Well, of course they are.”)

- That TikTok sound of “Ooh, fancy pants rich McGee over here, fuck you”

- Airplane! (The spoof movie. Especially Nelson’s character (the “Don’t call me Shirley” guy))

- Being kind to yourself cause the world can be very cruel sometimes and there are days where you just wanna stay in bed

- “I have myself a good cry, dust myself off, then continue. The show must go on!” (Another Bluey quote, this time courtesy of Chilli)

- That “I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me!” Vine

[notquitecanon]

Ghosting // John Constantine x Reader

to quote Tumblr, I love when my girlies are a little off. a little weird. off putting.

tw: murder implication

"What’s a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?" 

The first time John Constantine saw you, he clocked you right off the bat. Dead. Passed on. Haunting. A spirit, apparition… 

A ghost. 

Sure, the warlock was a bit tossed, but you were definitely otherworldly. His words were supposed to be sarcastic, one of the wisecracks he was known for. 

Still, you just turned to him confused before a kind yet playful smirk pulled your face up. With a cocked head you answered, "I bet you say that to all the girls." 

You knew the blonde was different the moment you set eyes on him. Mostly because he looked at you and truly saw you. You had been gliding through life for a while now feeling like even the people who saw you and heard you, didn’t truly. Like you were a shadow in the corner of their eye or a whisper just quiet enough to write off. 

Still, this corner of the city was different. You felt more alive here, people seemed more interested in your presence…. And then this man came along, all blind arrogance and charming accent wrapped in a fluttering trench coat and a red tie like a bow on a gift. You had seen him around before, always with a card up his sleeve and a cigarette between his teeth. 

John mirrored your cocked head, giving you another scrutinizing once over. He cleared his throat and stepped closer, steeping you in the smell of cigarettes, herbs, tea, and aftershave, "What’s keeping you here, luv?" 

Your eyebrows knitted together, what an odd question. The sun had barely gone down and the city was just coming alive, why would you be leaving? There was still so much to see, hear, feel, taste, dance, and do. So much life around you. 

So you simply smiled again, motioning to the couples on the dance floor, "Everything. Nothing. Something in between." 

"Are you always this bloody vague?" He gruffed through a long drag of his cig, unamused by your non answer. 

"Are you always this nosy?" You challenged. A feeling you had forgotten about bubbled up in your stomach- that giddy bouncy feeling you get when your playfully arguing with someone, trying not to laugh while you wait in anticipation for their next witty retort. It had been so long since someone talked to you like this. 

The man laughed- somewhere between a chuckle and a snort- and hung his head, "Yeah, you’d think I’d have learned my lesson by now, and yet here I bloody am. What’s your name, luv?" 

"(Y/N)." You offered, holding out your hand. The blonde looked confused, staring at your outstretched hand- his discerning eyes flicked from your waiting fingers- decidedly dimmer than the rest of you- to your eyes- just sad enough to feel haunting. Slowly, hesitantly, he moved to take it. 

When his hand touched yours, he expected to go straight through. Theoretically, you should be noncorporeal, but the moment his calloused fingers touched yours there was something akin to a static shock, but softer, a rounder feeling as you wrapped your hand around his. 

Your touch, at first, felt normal, if not worryingly chilled, but the longer he shook your hand, the more frayed the edges of your form felt. As if he was holding on to pure ethereal energy, a manifestation of your very soul- which, if he was right, he was. 

John shook your hand slowly, staring at the interlocked embrace in confusion. You seemed unaffected, if not a little confused by his incredulous expression. So you cleared your throat, even though to John it sounded more like a distant rattling of glass, a memory he couldn’t quite place before your voice followed, seemingly just off kilter to how your lips moved, a new sensation. John released your hand, realizing he was spending too much of your energy and not only had you initiated it, you weren’t stopping him. People who had previously spared you a glance now were staring straight through you, your voice took a more echoed whispery property, your appearance became wispy almost, like a feathered edge to an old photograph- John reckoned he could only still see you because now he was trying. 

"And you are?" 

John watched you for a moment now with his hands at his side. You seemed to almost recharge, life returning to your eyes, seeming more in place among the living, lips catching up to your words. You didn’t even seem to notice, just looking at him expectantly, "How much have you had to drink?" 

"Not nearly enough." The Brit muttered, wiping a hand over his face, not missing how you seemed to flicker between his fingers, "I’m Constantine. John Constantine." 

____

John came back the next day, this time in broad daylight. 

You had disappeared after at least two hours of frustrating yet enticing fickle non answers when John flagged down the barkeep for another pint, before he could get any real answer out of you. There was something about you that drew John in- something happy and yet melancholic all at once, almost like a longing look in your eyes as you watched others around you. And nothing could catch John’s eye like a troubled soul- mortal or not. 

Still, he had never encountered a spirit like you. You seemed so ordinary that if it wasn’t for the micro indicators and John’s lifetime of expertise, he could have written you off as an odd human, maybe a mortal that had been unknowingly touched by the paranormal. Odd for a human…. yet an absurdly ‘normal’ ghost. 

You appeared a full manifestation, head to toe, no mist or wisps surrounding you, completely opaque save for the occasional flicker. You spoke and moved and laughed like a normal human until something caught your eye and you went eerily still, exuding a slight aura that disappeared as soon as you blinked. Things moved when you touched them, except when John noticed they would lag or move prematurely sometimes. People around you noticed your presence, some keenly aware and some just out of the corner of their eye, and yet sometimes people would stare straight through you. John wondered if it was his supernatural keenness that brought and kept you in such sharp focus…

You didn’t seem to have some great power to justify this form, this existence. You seemed like an ordinary person going about their life in the city. Most ‘ordinary’ ghosts struggled to make themselves known and were lucky to manage the same phrase repeated over and over, spent years of spiritual energy to rattle a window pane or appear as a shadow in a mirror. Higher powered and or the older spirits simply glided about, able to be seen and heard and yet either unaware of those around them or resentful of the living- those spotted lurking in windows and caught in the corner of film. And then there were the poltergeists and meaner spirits whose power only came from rage, only good for cruelty, spitting and shredding everything good around them. 

You fit in none of these categories. You weren’t malevolent or bitter or oblivious to those around you. If anything, you were too full of life, too eager to fit in with the living and not eager to do anything specific. It frustrated and interested the experienced paranormal expert who swore he had seen everything. 

When he didn’t find you in the bar, he asked the bartender on shift. You had implied you spent a good bit of time there. Constantine gave a thorough description, from how you looked to how you were dressed to how you spoke. The bartender had knitted his eyebrows, opening and closing his mouth a couple times like there was an answer on the tip of his tongue, a name he couldn’t quite place, a memory on the verge of being forgotten.

"Sorry, man, I swear that sounds familiar but-" the barkeep apologized again with slumped shoulders but John waved him off. 

"No worries, mate, forget I asked." 

As he exited the bar back onto the sunny street, he lit a cigarette, eyes scanning the area. It was perfectly possible he’s never see you again. Maybe you’d spent a decades worth of spiritual energy just to be seen that night. Maybe you just needed one last night before you moved on. Maybe you were gone. 

"Those things will kill you, haven’t you heard?" A familiar voice sent chills down his spine that no longer bothered him, somehow distant and whispered at the same time. 

You, from your favorite bench in the park across the street had seen John Constantine enter the bar. It had been a wonder you kept yourself from following him, there was just something about him that made you feel real, alive. He was funny and quirky, cynical as he was handsome, complete with an accent that left you wanting more. You hadn’t meant to leave last night, truly you don’t know why you did, but the moment he took his eyes off you, it was like your battery died. You honestly didn’t remember much about getting home or your morning- you blamed the drinks. But there he was again, just as handsome with the sun reflecting off his dirty blonde hair. You couldn’t resist the teasing that bubbled you your throat. 

Finally, he turned to you, eyes scanning you just as sharply as the night prior. Somewhere between checking you out and terminator vision- had anyone else done it, it would have been creepy but he… When John did it, you just felt seen. It was nice to feel seen. 

"If I live long enough for these to kill me, I’ll be thrilled." His dark humor made you laugh and you swore his lip ticked up for a moment before he continued, "You weren’t in the bar."

Your eyebrows crinkled but your smile remained, as if to say ‘duh’. 

"Wouldn’t you be more concerned if I was in the bar at this hour? Sure it’s five o clock somewhere, but not here." You shrugged falling in line beside him, John took a long drag of his cigarette,

Clearly troubled but changing the subject. 

"You left without saying goodbye. Didn’t even see you leave."

You squinted against the sun before dropping your eyes, "I don’t remember much after our conversation. I think I had too much to drink."

"You didn’t-" John, confused shook his head, not able to tell if you were joking or not, "You didn’t drink anything last night." 

Which was true. You hadn’t touched a drop all night, though had multiple times mentioned how good the bartender made drinks. Genuine confusion flashed across your body resulting in a sudden breeze that you didn’t seem to notice. Your smile crunched into a confused look before smoothing back out to your default, as if the breeze blew away the truth, "Listen, I know you guys across the pond drink like fish, but not all of us have such a tolerance." 

You giggled at your own joke not bothering to recollect the actual events of the night. This only troubled John further, was this some prolonged but you were committed to? Instead of doubling down, he switched tactics. 

"What did you say your last name was again?" 

This time when the question look returned, it stayed. Eyebrows knitting together, smile dropping. You didn’t notice you had stopped walking until John got a few steps ahead of you before turning to look back at you. 

"My what?" 

"Last name, luv. I told you mine, but I only got your first." He pressed, watching you carefully, eyes narrowing. Surely, you hadn’t forgot to tell him your name, you thought. John continued, "(Y/N) what?"

Forcing a giggle, you cleared your throat, "oh it’s…" 

You thought for a moment, (Y/N) what? Eyes filling with confusion as they met John’s, your forced smile dropping as well.

"(Y/N)…" you trailed off again, not understanding the blank spot, how did you not know your own last name. Anxiety bubbled up as you racked your brain, eyes leaving John’s to look around as if the answer was written on the city sidewalk. You had one, everyone did, why couldn’t you think of it? (y/n) ____, the space only filled by a aching void in your mind, as if it wanted to be filled. You ran a hand over through your hair as if tugging your scalp would jog the memory, "My name is (y/n)…"!

John watched you mutter to yourself, your entire demeanor changing as you tried to come up with an answer. A blustering wind almost blew his cigarette out, flapping his tie around his neck as his coat billowed around him. He noticed the wind only got stronger as you caved in on yourself, eyes quickly becoming unsure and frightened, even though your hair and clothes stayed still, unmarred by the sudden change in weather. 

"My name, my name how do I not know my name," your voice was becoming sharp, knowing in your heart that something was wrong. John, always softer than he wanted others to believe, tried to ignore how his heart clenched at the sight and before he could stop himself, he waded through the now choppy winds that seemed to be in pace with your stuttering breaths. 

"Your name is (Y/N), forgive me for asking, it’s none of my business." John assured you, paying no mind to your frantic eyes searching his for answers. His hand grabbed yours, producing that same feathered shock. This time you felt it, distracting you as the wind slowed from blustering to gusty. 

"But my-" 

"Forget I asked, luv." He cut you off, quickly squeezing your hand. His skin was so warm on yours that it was all you could focus on. John, however, was noting everything about you. 

Your hair was untouched by the wind, clothes the same as the night before, after your amnesiac fit, your appearance seemed hazy around the edges, you hand seemed too light in his grasp, and around your neck was a gold necklace that stated your name in scrawling font between your collarbones. 

John frowned. That was probably the only reason you knew your first name. The memory loss wasn’t uncommon in spirits- unfinished business paired with amnesia left souls wandering the mortal planes for centuries. A cruel joke from the higher powers. 

Still, after the weather display- something even mid level entities struggled with and you had done without even noticing- he was afraid pressing the issue would result in pushing you into poltergeist territory. 

And there was something about your sweet smile or maybe your longing eyes, John had to immediately dismiss the thought of you becoming vengeful and cruel. That would make you a problem and he was the one who took care of paranormal problems. 

His thumb rubbed circles on the back of your hand, not ignoring but embracing the tingling sensation the prolonged contact sent into his bones, "Take a breath, luv."

Your breathing slowed as the wind came to a sudden halt, dropping kicked up leaves and paper where they were. Your eyes never left his, lips still mouthing questions, but John allowed you to clutch him like a life preserver even when your hand started to slip through his like fog. 

After a minute, this gave him a front row ticket as he watched the frightened awareness in your eyes glaze over. Your entire body relaxed, gaze softening, smile returning as if someone pressed reset. 

Once you hand had completely phased through his, you blinked once, then twice, your eyebrow twitched just slightly before you took a step back, "I’m sorry, what were you saying?" 

As if you hadn’t just panicked up a hurricane. As if you had no memory of the last two minutes. John’s eyebrows furrowed again, shoving his still tingling hand in his pocket. 

"Oh nothing, just admiring your necklace." He lied easily, flicking his cigarette into the nearest potted plant. Your fingers flew to your neck, tracing the golden scrawl. 

"This old thing? I’ve had it for as long as I can remember." You smiled fondly. 

Constantine didn’t doubt it. 

Then, out of no where you yawned. Suddenly, between one blink and the next, looking very tired, dark shadows appearing under your eyes and cheeks suddenly becoming gaunt. 

"Sorry, I’m exhausted! Couldn’t tell you why though." You chuckled through another nod, shaking your head though the motion seemed almost blurred. Your words were off kilter with your mouth again, and your hands and feet seemed hazy giving you an almost hovering appearance. John realized between the prolonged contact and wind show, you must be spent. Your smile was tired but your eyes were as sweet as ever, "I’ll see you around, John." 

And before the exorcist could stop you, you gliding in a random direction, appearance fizzling away with every step until you had completely disappeared, leaving the air charged with that same strange static your hands held. 

It was then John realized what was really going on. The memory loss, the panic, the power, the longing and liveliness… 

His jaw hardened as his eyes set on where you had been, fighting down the sad feeling in his chest. 

You didn’t know you were dead. And with this sort of power, your death had to have been something gruesome. John thought of your kind eyes and sweet smile... his jaw clenched.

You would go on half living forever if someone didn’t stop you, no memory of who you truly were and no knowledge of how to move on. Slowly,

It would drive you mad. John was surprised it hadn’t already. 

And for better or for worse, John Constantine was incapable of leaving pretty, troubled girls alone.

[eisforeidolon]

Question: I just started watching Supernatural with - my brothers got me watching Supernatural from its first season onwards. And when he heard that I was finally going to a Supernatural convention he even gave me a Supernatural necklace replica just like Sam and Dean on the show. And I just - one of the things that we both love about the show is that you both give very convincingly throughout the entirety of the show - always, you know, portrayed brothers in a believable way and an inspiring way? And you managed to go the distance over fifteen seasons and even in the last season you're still completely believable as brothers. And meeting you in real life, you seem that way offscreen as well. I'm wondering about, my question is, what is the secret that's kept you managing to do that over such a long period of time in a show? Because you hear in other shows people not getting along, getting tired of each other, but you did it all the way through, and I just wonder what is the secret to that?

Jared: Goddamn, thank you. I love that question. That's possibly a version of my favorite question that could ever be asked about Supernatural. I think - and you're talking about you have two brothers?

Question: Well, I have a brother and a half-brother.

Jared: Okay, okay.

Question: My real brother [?] is a Supernatural fan, so.

Jared: I think - all I can say is - well, not all I can say. The main thing I can say, is that whatever you see on camera? Though Jensen and I were playing Sam and Dean Winchester? Jensen and I weren't faking shit. It was real to us, and it was and still is an amazing life lesson, that you get out of something what you put into it. You know? If you half-ass something, whether it's a friendship or a marriage or a profession or a diet or an exercise regime? You're gonna get half-ass results. If you just kind of go, fuck it, I'm all in and if I get hurt, I get hurt and I'll abandon ship and do something else. But he and I went all in, like I think sometime during the Pilot, and I wish I - maybe I can think about it, about when that moment happened? But I think Jensen and I both just went like [snaps fingers] you know what, this is found family - could be found family. Maybe Jensen turns out to be an asshole, maybe I turn out to be an asshole. And if that happens, then I can reverse and put my guards back up and be like [makes pushing away gesture] okay, this guy's a jerk, or vice versa, he can say this guy's a jerk about me. But he and I both just kinda went alright, I'm gonna trust you and he went, alright I'm gonna trust you. We didn't say the words, but we just kinda had that communication nonverbal and went after it. And I to this day love the guy like a brother and, you know, there are ups and downs, you know? Someone goes through something in their life and I'll speak to myself, sometimes when I'm super stressed out, I can be a little hurt, a little, maybe, caustic? A little snarky or sarcastic or something? And your buddies around you - my buddies around me, rather, kinda have to be like, 'Hey, you're kinda being a dickhead, man. Like, you alright?' And I have to go, 'No, I'm not alright, I'm going through this -' But like having that trust? And I think Jensen and I found that, I know Jensen and I found that with Supernatural, with Sam and Dean. And I love their relationship, like I want that for my two sons. I don't want the rebar, but [audience laughs]. I want them to just rely on each other. I heard a great quote, and maybe there are some parents out there as well, or people who have parents? Which I think is most of us in my understanding of - anyways. It was a quote, I'm gonna bastardize it, "Parents leave us too soon, children - we're not around long enough for our children, siblings are the ones we go through life with." And I think siblings can mean anything. If you're an only child, it's your friend, it's your buddy - like you need a partner, you need two people in that rowboat. It doesn't need to be somebody who's there every day, but like somebody you can just go, like, hey I'm feeling like this. Not agree with all the time, like, life is not about agreement, otherwise why go through life if you're not gonna learn, if everything you say is right. So I think we just trusted each other, and I don't know why, but, you know, we held each other's careers in each other's hands. And we're like, alright, I got you, you got me? Yeah, I got you, you got me? Yeah, alright. Let's work it and get it to work. But I love that you and your one and a half siblings, two-ish, I'm assuming, put you here today. So thanks a bunch, it was nice to meet you, man.

[ovyy-pvcure]

Ok well nobody asked but I'm bored so wild transmigration Naruro au borne of madness go.

So first things first Kishimoto made one gigantic mistake and that was making and naming a bit character that's easy to do the whole 'dead modern human pops into the body of a canon character' thing.

^ That's Tobio who shows up exactly once in the entire series at the start to accidentally knock Naruto off balance and kick off literal decades of shipping. This convinent oc stand in blank canvas is the turning point of the au that means when he accidentally dies as a result of that one off-canon event the universe* steps in and sticks a random schmuck in place to keep things basically on plan. There's, like, prophesies to fullfill (and cosmic schemes going on). Which is why and how a late age teenager finds themselves stuck in a 12 year old's body ("it matches your emotional age") after an unfortuante accident with nothing but the basi s of chakra and history downloaded to their brain and no psrsonal memories of the new body to call on. Oh, and a cheery "good luck" before getting dropped into basicially the start of the plot just before team allocation. Where, as the top student in the "espionage and subterfuge" class he's assigned as the final member of team 7.

To give the basic skeleton of what's taken shape in my head already the first arc would follow tobio as he tries to wrangle the cats known to the public as Sasuke and Naruto without actually letting anyone know he has literally no memory of anything that's happened to him before a couple months ago. Oh and surviving the grueling change of lifestyle inherent in becoming a Child Soldier. He's doing Great this arc. Not stressed At All as he tries to juggle managing his teammates' egos with getting stronger because he has none allies or parents or connections to fall back on if he stumbles.

Well he thinks so anyway he's Kakshi's favorite adorable little student because he's the one who keeps pulling NaruSasu apart and making them actually, you know, cooperate. Naruto likes him because tobio treats him like a person and Sasuke at least appreciates that he doesn't have a fangirl in his squad and he's even focused on getting better so no deadweight. Also Mizuki's hovering around asking how he's progressing and if he feels ready which is odd since wasn't Mizuki beaten to an inch of life for all that treason he was up to? Well, not tobio's problem.

If you're curious how tobio died so is he! He can't remember; he was just told in the void of space time that he had an accident, died and now he's getting shipped off to 12 year old boot camp. What he does know is his own sarcastic rebellious wit has nothing on the universe's* considering it called him a quote "sarcastic bitch" as it did the whole transmigiration thing.

Blah blah blah team building, lunch at ichiraku's using future knowledge to climb trees early the usual oc stuff up until Wave. Things even go kind of normal up until the city is reached where kakshi's chakra lesson gets more than a little derailed by tobio already knowing how to do the whole shebang. Instead of being sent off to guard the bridge he suggests Naruto do so with clones since he's been thinking of a way to make use of his specialized training and making this mission truly worth Konoha's time.

A reoccurring element of the first arc is that the people around him not really knowing the OG Tobio that well is a boon his training in espionage is also guiding tobio to keeping his own secrets under wraps. tobio wants to infiltrate Gato's orginization and siphon money directly into The Leaf's coffers as recompense for making it impossible for the village to get properly paid from the outset. Besides Zabuza's gonna kill Gato so it's fine. Kakshi is against it but can't deny the logic and concedes but insists tobio's top priority is his contiuned survival.

Due to all the miscellaneous ne'er do wells romping about it's easy for a trained Ninja to slip in and start liberating ryo for Konoha (and maybe some for Wave while he's at it). Things contiune apace until The Bridge Showdown where in the confusion tobio once again slips into the waiting horde of Goons. Right next to Gato. Kyubi chakra comes with a weird feeling alongside the terrifying bloodlust from Naruto himself and tobio seizes the opportunity to take out Gato himself before the order to fire on Zabuza can be given.

In the temporary silence we have a dying Haku, a dead Gato and a disguised tobio skipping out of the goon squad cheerfully announcing Gato's plan to shoot everyone left on the bridge dead before his interference and daring anyone to contradict him. They can't mostly because the small child with blood dripping off their knives has scared them silent, and instead of fighting they flee with a furious Zabuza in pursuit. Haku doesn't survive but Z does to contiune his bloodly plans for revolution but now without his restraining bolt. This will cause problems for our heroes later. But for now Wave is a success and only one of the children has killed anyone in cold blood. Only Kakashi is worried about this. Oh and all the builders who are now wary around the killer kid who mocked and psychologically attacked his victims first. Victory all around!

Kakashi can not get the privacy needed to properly talk to his genin about the thing he did until they're back in Konoha where he overhears Mizuki grilling his student for details on the mission and dropping info he really shouldn't be re: the kyubi, and implying Tobio was meant to somehow harm Naruto. Which is the conversation that tips tobio off to the divigerence which is that oops Tobio was doing himself a Treason. Thankfully tobio is a fully trained fluent liar who reports to Mizuki that he never had a chance to harm Naruto and that, no, there was no hint of the Kyubi both of which are lies the eavesdropping Kakashi catches but isn't sure what to make of. tobio himself is basicially flying by the seat of his pants as he describes Sasuke's growth and personality even as he internally starts to panic as he realizes just how epically Screwed he is since he also doesn't know Kakashi is there, and now Mizuki and Tobio's treason is his problem. Crap.

A sweep of his apartment has tobio finding a journal of his days in the academy where one day Tobio reports Mizuki pulling him aside and pointing out he'll be lucky go get a proper jonin teacher and get out of the genin corps if he continues on the normal path but Mizuki has a solution since he feels so bad for another orphan of the Kyubei attack. His new plan is to join the E&S course the so called "kunoichi class" and with Mizuki's help-all helpfully noted down by Tobio and utterly obviously manipulative to tobio-he can ace that and get put on a star team with a good future. With Sasuke he means so someone can keep an eye on the Uchiha for Orochimaru. The journal also veers off into a hateful anti-Konoha rant at the revealation of Tobio's parents killer's continued existence and favortism from the Third via Naruto. However misguided a start by the time of graduation testing Tobio had been perfectly groomed into Mizuki's personal spy who had a sneering relief that he could leave Konoha and a dead Naruto behind after they secured the scroll for their actual master.

Well, to be forewarned is to be forearmed as they say, and no one else in the village has as much foreknowledge as tobio who thinks it's high time he got serious and picked put a proper name for himself: Otogiri Tobio sounds perfect.

Otogiri doesn't know Kakashi knows even half of this but luckily neither does anyone else yet. While the poor scarecrow man tries to figure out just what is happening without directly confronting a possible traitor in his own squad even as political pressure mounts to prove one of Konoha's founding clans has a strong future by putting Sasuke (and his squad they guess. Whatever.) into the chuunin exam. With an effective A rank under their belt and Otogiri's proliferation of funds Kakashi would need a pretty sound reason not to bend to the council's "suggestion" and he doesn't want to leave the boys alone with a possible traitor but he also doesn't want T&E descending on his student for maybe nothing. So in they go causing the domino effect that ends with the K9 (sans sakura plus Otogiri) all enrolled in the annual deathmatch.

Ignorant of all this back door politicking going on Otogiri's already gearing up for the Invasion. Chuunin exams? Sure he's signed up the squad's in. Whatever. He's got bigger problems including Mizuki dropping in and telling him to meet up and assist the incoming Sound kids. No one notices the dog watching this play out not that Mizuki's sloppy enough to say anything outright but Otogiri catches the subtext, but also sees a chance to start turning the tables on that creep. After all Orochimaru already wants Sasuke, and Naruto's becoming pretty strong himself maybe they should pull everyone in?

So on the prophesied day squad 7 is coincidentally in place to welcome and show around the teens from the newly founded village of Sound. Otogiri is a little concered but the thing about Naruto is that yes he's loud and arrogant and annoying and has to be physically wrestled into bathing regularly but he's charismatic enough for all that to be liked anyway. And Zaku? Is loud and arrogant and definitely had to be wrestled into a bath at least 5 times so he likes the kid, and their friendly little mole's hinting that he's not been treated great by the Leaf so why not get along and lead the kid astray? Could be fun.

Kin has a headache. She's met louder blonde Zaku and she wants to Die about it. She and Sasuke bond over it as they have to quiet the duo down.

Dosu is amused by Kin's discomfort and Zaku's weirdly instant attachment, but as long as they serve their duty he's fine with it. They're the best the Sound has to offer that could pass as genin. The mole worries him a little, he's a little too quick witted and sharp to feel like he's really their ally and he never says anything to give him a hint of where he lies beyond the veiled code phrase he introduced himself with to mark him as the Tobio they were supposed to meet. The blonde's infectious energy and loudness doesn't leave him exposing weaknesses in the village, and The Uchia clearly looks down on their little village. Well he'd change his mind about that once the rest of his squad turned on him or Dosu would have the personal pleasure of wiping the smug off his face.

Otogiri is not having a great time he has a little over a month to get Dosu to trust him so he can derail Orochimaru's chess style pawn sacrifice strategy for his own shogi inspired pawn theft strategy. Some people might claim using alternate universe future knowledge is cheating. Otogiri would claim that he's trying to outwit someone who even with his ages combined has 20 years minimum on him so really he needs every advantage he can get. Especially because Dosu is so damn distrusting that getting an in to try and make the older boy waver on his desire to gain glory is harder than making Sasunaru work together back in the first arc.

Blah blah blah chuunin exam stuff test speech forest of death. Where Otogiri realizes there was a fight with Rock Lee but no declaration of lust from him without Sakura. And he has no connection to Ino beyond her sort of hating him for stealing what she thinks should be her place. No it doesn't matter Sakura outranked her, Otogiri's on the wrong end of Ino's many grudges and eventually despite his best efforts he winds up with an unconscious chakra dampened Naruto and a freshly Cursed Sasuke. No allies forthcoming and probably 3 teens expecting an easy kill on their way. To be killed to make Sauske stronger.

Otogiri must once again consider that actually The Universe* is just screwing with him. With a bit of deception, luck, and just plain knowing more than he should Otogiri convinces the trio when they show up they're not really meant to try and kill Sasuke it's all a test of how wisely they can act on a mission. He bluffs that Mizuki told him what The Master could do and how he marked Sasuke betting on Dosu at least managing to link Curse Seals and their Effects on the mark on Sasuke.

Sound trio on side Naruto and then Sasuke wake up groggy and foggy as hell but hey safe! With their new cool allies! Naruto's devious nature surfaces and he makes a plan to net both teams all the scrolls they'll need with his prankster past . While he has the time Otogiri pulls Zaku aside and warns him to watch his tubing around the Aburame since their bugs follow and eat chakra which is a huge vulnerability for specifically him. Sorry Shino it just ain't your time-line.

Successful plan put into motion everyone moves onto The Tournament where things play out basicially as they do with the exception of Shino getting outplayed by Otogiri's timely warning. Naruto does a little better and wins less with a stroke of luck and more by being just enough better at chakra control the seal doesn't completely stop him. And of course Ino tries to vent when she gets paired up with her new Fated Rival (that random boy who was better in class than her and hasn't given her a second thought all story) but Otogiri is tired stressed and over it so he forces a grapple pins her hand with a kunai and presses his advantage until he knocks her out because Ino is Not A Quitter. By any sane metric Ino does fine but Otogiri's got his sights aimed way higher and has been training accordingly. Sorry, Ino just ain't your timeline either.

Seconds into the fight he gets even more stressed out as he realizes all at once the various things even a brief jaunt into his soul/mind would reveal. Making him fight way more aggressivly and mercilessly which the other K9 minus s7 don't like. Zaku and Kin do but boo on them.

Easy part over Otogiri has to rededicate himself to several things all at once: untangling the invasion's plans without drawing too much attention to himself. Keeping the sound trio alive and out of Orochimaru's hands to keep him from going full Necromancer on the Third. Keeping Naruto and Sasuke safe from the wretched hands moving on them. Again not drawing aggro himself from Danzo and ROOT. Or Jiraya. Noted spymaster. Old teammate of his new archnemesis. Naruto's newest teacher. Whooo.

Meanwhile in the mountains Kakashi is training Sasuke because he got paired up against a serial killer jinjuriki. Which is one more gray hair on his head along with all the other stuff including Otogiri seeking him out in private and explaining the attack, the seals and who he suspects was the attacker. Which. Kakashi is smart, he now probably knows who Mizuki sold Konoha out to and how and why Otogiri would know who he is but he still has no idea what angle the kid is working. Or if approaching him about it is smart. Kids are hard and Kakashi has been avoiding this for years. Obito please come back and help him you were always basicially a kid you'd know what was going on.

Otogiri has come to the conclusion it's officially time to call Gondor for aid and seeing as there's maybe 3 people who could be discrete enough to trail the trio and play off if they got caught. One was on a mountain one is him and one is...capable of self replication. Welp time to put a hand over Naruto's gross mouth and explain the bullet points.

A pinned Naruto with two hands over his mouth later gives more context to the Mizuki mysteries; he confirms it was Mizuki who told him of the special pass requirement and that he never showed that night. Iruka found him and he remembers an odd smell but has no memory beyond a very verbal lashing. Neither boy knows how Mizuki got away with it, but Otogiri spells out the "truth" to Naruto about Mizuki's plans to steal the scroll and leave Naruto to rot for it. In return for the tiny lie Otogiri tells Naruto he knows about the Kyubei and has decided that Naruto's too kind and simple to be a demon fox so he's cool with him.

Before even a single sappy sentiment can be shared Otogiri launches into his suspicions about how valuable Orochimaru finds their new "friends'" lives and Naruto is all about protecting them (believe it!). Together with a little "totally unknowing" help from a certain Toad Sage they figure out Kabuto's ninja info cards have summoning seals on them and before Dosu can go and get himself killed the new duo gush about how excited they are to see Zaku and Dosu kick butt in the stadium which is enough to mollify Dosu's increasing need to go out and prove himself. Barely.

Zaku's feeling right offended they were given "information cards" as if they needed the help to kick a bunch of kids' asses in a straight fight. Otogiri could kiss that lanky moron because he just handed him the answer and he makes a big show of agreeing and saying they should prove it by getting rid of those useless cards and giving them to him and Naruto who could use the help. Dosu's suspicion gauge raises another tick but the trio do and those cards find themselves in Jiraya's hands lightning quick.

Surprise surprise the cards have summoning sutras on them to send the holders to a preset location. Jiraya with the subtly of a trained deceiver who's lead a spy ring for decades pries a lot of information from Otogiri very skillfully and concludes what Otogiri already knew regarding the intentions of summoning cards the holders didn't know about. So, the sound trio receive a friendly visit from a friendly toad man who gleefully shows them the trap on the cards and notes whoever gave them these might not be as trustworthy as they thought. The trio say nothing, cutting contact with OtoNaru.

Come the tournament a lot of the usual beats play out; late Sauske, Naruto's still heated about Nehi being the ultimate Heel wrestler, Shikamaru proves he can make wise tactical decisions and before the oragnizers have to awkwardly side step there's one too many contestants Sauske dramatic entrances in and the fight begins. A fight Naruto Otogiri and Shikamaru miss because Dosu and company have given it some thought and are going to just full Bail but they know what's about to start and at least want the duo (and shikamaru they guess) to be awake and away when the fighting starts.

Naruto Talks at them and tries to fire them up agaisnt ol copperhead as everything Pops Off including a pall of mist that descends over the arena. Zabuza's found a fellow revolutionary it seems. Sasuke takes off after Gaara with Naruto hot on his heels with a shove from Otogiri seeing as their the "same".

Otogiri rounds on the trio and decides to use his own version of Talk pointing out that they owe one person one thing and that's revenge on Orochimaru. He tried to sacrifice them multiple times hasn't been in contact with them, and was gonna do who knows what with their bodies without consent. They can flee in the middle if they want but don't they want to pop him in the metaphorical face first? Zaku does. Kin does. Dosu doesn't anymore but his almost-friends (all 4 of them) aren't budging so he figures he might as well prove how non disposable they are by messing up snakey's plans.

Shikamaru is thoroughly disgruntled because Naruto dragged him along to the Gaara mess which is going basicially like canon. Shino's even here his bugs having devoured the genjutsu and wanting to back up his non insane classmate. An exhausted Shikamaru can barely hold back a desperate Temari until the timely ringing of bells saves him. Kin's strings may not have much shadow but they are a direct path to a disoriented Temari who has to watch her little brother actually struggle and bleed before she gets introduced to a tree the same way Kin was to a wall. Naruto summons a giant frog.

Meanwhile Kakashi is meeting back up with Zabuza, his ninken already have the swordsmaster's scent and this time they do need to settle the score. Zabuza's both mad at Kakashi for reasons he knows aren't sound and persuing his goal since Orochimaru will eventually tear down Wave and he says will leave it to Zabuza while he goes after the rest. He has to make Haku's sacrifice count so Leaf has to die on the vine just in case this time the promise is real. No points for guessing who wins in this confusing melee. Final tally: 3-0 kakashi:zabuza it was close though.

Meanwhile again Mizuki's poised to take some sweet justice against Iruka for, frankly, being a better instructor ninja and person than him wheb Otogiri shows up playing it like he wants the honor. No dice, Mizuki's wanted this for awhile and the kid's nowhere close enough to be subtle and he just has to drop the genjutsu on Mizuki to make him miss and engage his manipulator in a direct confrontation to end this whole twisted mess. Good thing Mizuki doesn't have that filler arc power up because Otogiri's fighting an uphill battle on this one.

But first Hayate Gekko's girlfriend the ANBU member Cat is engaging his canonical killer Baki the sand jonin her swordsmanship sharp enough to leave Baki's attempts to entangle her blade useless. And him open to said jonin's surprise strike taking out the sandman. Oh how the turntables. Is what someone who knows the alternate timeline would say since that confrontation didn't happen in this one since Dosu wasn't trailed and Hayate killed for Knowing Too Much.

Speaking of Dosu he and Zaku have run into Kabuto who's cover is very blown because Konoha's Spymaster got a peek at his Trap Cards and no one is happy with anyone here. Dosu and Zaku aren't exactly jonin level even combined but in a chaotic melee large windbursts and balance altering soundwaves make up for a lot when your speciality is up close precision scapel attacks. Kabuto would win ordinarily but he's a wanted man and there's an angry snake lady willing to take out her misplaced sense of displacement on a willing medical collabteour. Kabuto gets away in the end but Anko takes one look at the trio once everyone's round up in the end and asks "is anyone gonna claim these kids?" And not wait for an answer.

Back to Otogiri who lacks the element of surprise of numbers to overwhelm Mizuki and is going pretty even but for all the cheap kill shots he has to prevent from taking out a defenseless wounded Iruka who himself got taken down protecting the academy kids not named nepotism. Mizuki isn't his usual sneering jackass self here because he's pissed that the kid he'd been grooming slipped out of his control and had taken to playing him for a fool. Otogiri bullshits back that after seeing how Orochimaru treated his soldiers he made the choice to back out before he was sacrificed for a madman's goals stubbronly ignorning the Danzo in the room for now.

Injured, humiliated and generally unpleasant Mizuki lunges for Otogiri and gets his hands around the boy's throat. Any plan of escape is cut off by a torrent of rage and red as Otogiri loses it after all of Mizuki's crap and he simply rips the man's hands off him and before the former instructor can process the impossible thing he just witnessed he's driven into the side of the academy and has a kunai driven through his neck. Good thing Iruka passed out from his wounds and no impressionable children saw that. Oh hi Konohamaru don't wanna come out of hiding in that closet and say hi to Naruto nii chan's friend? No? Suit yourself he's gotta hurry Iruka to a healer anyway no time to stop and ask questions like "how" or "what the fuck?"

The final results of the invasion are far from pretty. Konoha's numbers are still pretty cut down as are Sand's who are still totally playing that "Orochimaru killed our kage and was giving orders so us invading you is totes not our fault" card they did in canon. It's accepted for the same reason as in canon: the sharks are already circling with blood in the water no need to churn the tide when a perfectly good excuse is offered up.

Third watch: without two other kages backing him in a restricted space and not enough time to restructure the plan to get Mandra in on the action sun wukong and The Professor taught a hard lesson in getting absolutely whomped. Orochimaru got away alive sans a working leg, but old man bodies aren't really still made for pitched life or death combat and his body's heavily protesting the return to combat. The can can be kicked a little further down the road safely but they need a qualified non Danzo candidate and soon.

Sound Trio: the corps aren't totally happy about it but they need manpower and they've got friends on the inside and a grudge against orochimaru so...probation working with Anko. She already adopted them they can't say no. And by adopted i do mean carted them away in a net to get lodgings and food. And a good medic to look at Zaku's arms.

Otogiri: in so much trouble you have no idea. His various schemes finally came out around someone without the good sense to lie about it so T&I would like a word with him. And Kakashi? Who is now claiming before anyone can even threaten pain or a jaunt through his head that they were in already working against the threat to Konoha since Wave. Kakashi?

His claim is the money stolen from Gato to insulate Wave and brought back to Konoha was in preparation for the coming storm. Obviously deep internal agents like Mizuki and Kabuto left Kakashi little choice but to keep Otogiri in deep cover to root out the problem without drawing suspicion by having contact with known figures like The Third. Kakashi had total control of the situation the whole time. Honest.

Otogiri's just kind of nodding along because he is just getting windmall slammed by haymaker after haymaker in a pretty short window of time. Ibuki is Not Buying This but the kid's actions prove his loyalty at the end of the day and if Hatake wants to take the lumps for his kid? Well, more power to him. Ibuki reminds Kakashi there are 'proper verified channels' for internal operations and he should remember to use them in the future. He expects a full concise report regarding everything from both of them and sends the teacher-student pair off with a glare.

This is where all that Kakashi stuff from earlier gets revealed to the audience as he goes over how and when he caught Otogiri mid treason and how close an eye he's actually been keeping on the boy. It is as terrifying as Kakashi's tone is light. Otogiri's just so incredibly thankful he declares his undying loyalty to his sensei for looking out for him and following his own principals so closely. Yes, Otogiri is crying at this point why do you ask?

This is the peaceful denouement of part 1 as Otogiri goes around catching up with who he can he is left to ponder why he has Kyubei chakra. How did Tobio even die anyway? And why is Jiraya here inviting him on a trip with Naruto? Does he wanna be a spymaster? Wasn't fixing Tobio's mistake the end of the story why is there more? Help!

Miscellaneous character notes on Otogiri:

-> is fairly meta and aware of transmigration novels and some of their rules. Is wrong about as often as he is right

-> has a fairly solid grasp on the character's motives but can't predict moments of wild humanity

-> has a hard time grasping his own mortality despite or rather because he has already died once. Will blank out at the idea of dying as bad as if not worse than Sakura when intent is aimed at him. Refuses to dwell on his first death or Tobio's

-> sarcastic and frequently argumentative. He likes to pick fights when he's feeling safe with someone.

-> was a bit of an edgelord in life and has a twisted sense of morality. His interference doesn't cost Shino his life but it could have and he ignores that for his own goals.

-> early on is mildly obssessed with finding the divervent point of import thinking if he can solve The Problem he'll fade into an epilogue or something. Is in Denial.

-> connecting events in his present with his past unlocks memories of both Tobio's life and his own. Facing his own death is the only way for him to Understand.

[darkpeacemusic]

Incorrect Creepypasta Quotes because y'all loved my slasher incorrect quotes

LJ: Hey, what are you reading?

Kate: This is my magic book where any ink spilled shows a scripture of the future, however it bears a curse making it broken, and as such in order to make any scripture appears, I have to do it myself.

LJ: Impressive! I must have it for myself!

Toby: So it’s just a Notebook?

Kate: It’s just a Notebook.

Masky: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.

Hoodie: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

Hoodie: Is something burning?

Masky, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.

Hoodie: Masky, the toaster is literally on fire.

Hoodie: Hopefully Jeff has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings.

Jeff: Oh, shut up and die Hoodie.

EJ: So, Masky and Hoodie.

EJ: According to this, you two are being accused of: Armed Robbery, Vandalism, Drug Abuse, Grand Theft Auto…

Masky: We had a bad day.

EJ: And… MURDER?!

Hoodie: It was a pretty bad day…

Ben Drowned: Jeff is so...

Toby: Annoying?

LJ: Cute?

Liu: Funny?

Slender man: Weird?

Ben Drowned: I don't know, maybe if y'all let me FINISH for ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'd tell you!

Hoodie: What is the big deal about borrowing money? I do it all the time! Sometimes, I even pay it back!

Jeff: I think my guardian angel drinks.

LJ: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?

Jeff: Aww-

LJ: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

Jeff: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three.

Jeff: One... two... three.

Liu: ...

Jeff: ...

Jeff: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

Masky: Do you want to know your gay name?

Hoodie: My... my gay name?

Masky: Yeah, it's your first name-

Hoodie: Haha. Very funny Masky-

Masky: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.

Hoodie: Oh- oh my god.

Kate: If we’re in trouble, just throw Jeff at the problem, and hope for the best.

Ben Drowned: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

Liu: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"?

Kate: Ya know... it might be.

LJ: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles?

EJ: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

Masky: Jeff got into a fight.

Slender man: That’s bad.

Slender man:

Slender man: Did they win?

Jeff: Liu, how could you possibly have gotten into this much trouble in one day?

Liu: It... It didn't take me the whole day...

Masky: Do you have a bobby pin?

Jeff: Yeah. *searches in their hair*

Jeff: Oh, no, wait. I’m not a nine-year-old girl.

Toby: Don’t go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult.

LJ, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life.

LJ: I just watched Jeff jump off of a spinning chair. Luckily, they weren't hurt that badly. But the whole time, Ben Drowned was screaming for help, which caused Liu to run in to help Jeff. Just note that all of this happened in the span of six minutes.

LJ: Did you hear that!? Ben Drowned just threatened to destroy my lego AT-AT!

Slender man: ...You just threatened to kill them in their sleep.

Liu: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?

Toby: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Toby: Who wants to make fifty bucks?

EJ: How?

Toby: I need someone to take the fall.

EJ: What did you do?

Toby: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.

Slender man, from the other room: Oh my god.

Toby: ...

Slender man: OH MY GOD!

EJ: Make it a hundred.

Toby: Deal.

Hoodie: Here’s the cold medicine you asked for.

Hoodie: *dumps 3 shopping bags of wine on the table*

Jeff: ...Thanks.

Ben Drowned: sapnu puaS.

Masky: What??

Slender man: What language is that.

Ben Drowned: Turn your phone 180 degrees.

*Ben Drowned was removed from the groupchat*

[hub1jokes]

Funny Day Joke

sarcastic quotes funny - husband quotes funny - wisdom quotes inspiration - friends quotes - picture story - dna test results - rorschach test - jokes - geezer - high jokes - funny mom quotes - pickles funny - bravado - lion - let it go funny - happy good morning quotes - no way out - restaurant humor - peaceful life - clean blonde jokes - graduation jokes - when someone hurts you - tarzan funny - catholic humor - short story about animals - talk - did you know funny - a good man - welcome letters - cute animals - funny advice - getting older humor - honeymoon jokes - god - grandma funny - pets - beautiful heart - fine ceramic - husband humor - bad mom quotes - money stories - 40 year anniversary - being there for someone quotes - funny fast food - how to order coffee - primary school - weird quotes funny - wedding anniversary humor - skeleton jokes - white beard - citizen - engineering student humor - ink blot - cute cats and dogs - go shopping - funny animal videos - chocolate chip cookies - marriage humor - turn ons - family jokes - funny wedding anniversary quotes - sleepless - short inspirational christmas stories - buddha face - christian short stories - sunday school teacher - wolf - happy birthday teacher - dinner bread - ceramic pottery - memories quotes - math humor - passbook - beauty tips with honey - alien - pray - i do love you - take that - letters to god - money humor - vocabulary lessons - good knight - shoe repair - catholic jokes - funny italian jokes - grandmother jokes - language jokes - funny good morning quotes - the monks - millie - it hurts - father son quotes - character quotes - temper quotes - prison jokes - teacher humor - so called friends - farm yard - how to wake up early - funny picture jokes - work jokes - mirror jokes - catholic men - cat jokes - pregnancy jokes humor - joke stories - happy quotes inspirational - good marriage - how to plan - broadway shows - boyfriend quotes funny - work quotes funny - funny questions - grape jokes - poultry farm - canada jokes - old man quotes - envelope - frugal - dad jokes funny - beautiful scarfs - english jokes - the silent treatment - chocolate chip - drought - party quotes funny - cookies recipes chocolate chip - lady godiva - port - bartender funny - funny diet jokes - master - female presidents - wake me up - amish men - funny tombstone sayings - laugh out loud jokes - very funny jokes - life lessons - drive all night - fart jokes - bad attitude funny - funny inspirational quotes - english vocabulary words - adult dirty jokes - famous scientist - pearls - funny life lessons - names - horse jokes - pizza jokes - funny feelings - guy names - kintsugi - father - police humor - homemade fudge - funniest short jokes - funny ugly people - marines funny - anniversary funny - funny one liners - shopping humor - jackdaw - hotel humor - mommy quotes - corny jokes - famous names - baseball jokes - clean funny jokes - red dress - good jokes - funny fun facts - irish men quotes - fresh fish - funny long jokes - pastor - funny stories with morals - man - sherlock holmes funny - inspirational quotes about love - sympathy bouquets - driving - engagement quotes - ring doorbell - school essay - cleaning quotes funny - pottery - pizza funny - lion and the mouse - inspirational good morning messages - text jokes - old man jokes - summer jokes - sunday sermons - friends quotes funny - funny truck quotes - funny english jokes - bar jokes - singing funny - inspirational quotes with images - red riding hood story - united way - hens - monkeys funny - travel - romantic text messages - the donkey - morning quotes funny - girlfriend humor - time with friends quotes - good jokes to tell - motivational poems - work humor - presidents - buy curtains - candle light dinner - marriage counseling funny - gym fails funny - first date funny - some jokes - russian restaurant - math jokes - farmer quotes funny - nurse jokes humour - funny sketches - funny facts - country jokes - christmas short stories

[captain-lessship]

I want to say something: we always should separate the characters from the actors because simply: it’s their job. And a current situation is a perfect example of why we always should. I have always been in the position that if you write for a character with a shit actor, you shouldn’t feel bad about it but you need to make it crystal clear that you don’t support or condone what the actor says/does. But now that I am, by technicality , one of those authors, I am having a mild moral crisis about it so I am going to do what I said all authors in my position should:

Danny Masterson is a fucking piece of garbage.

When a public figure finally gets what they had coming, it’s wonderful. Danny Masterson, a shit person who hid behind fame, money and a fucked curtain of a rich man’s religion that will protect you as long as you cash a hefty check, is getting what he had coming:

30 years away from the general public.

It is what he deserved for what he did to those women. While this sentencing will never undo what he put those women through, he will be punished and therefore send the message that they’ll get you eventually no matter who you are. They got him.

Now, like some Steven Hyde lovers that I have talked to, I can’t help but feel a sense guilt. He did his crimes while playing our favorite burnout which is extremely saddening to know and uses that role to gain a sort of respect that would deter most people from saying anything against him.

I love that 70s Show. A lot of life lessons were learned from that show.

Red taught me that you can be a sarcastic shit and mean well.

Kitty taught me that love can’t fix everything but it can give you the motivation to fix something.

Eric taught me that there is some extraordinary in being exceptionally ordinary.

Donna taught me that you show chase your dream cause no one else is gonna do it for you.

Fez taught me that no matter where I go I can find friends and by relation, a tidbit of happiness.

Jackie taught me that you gotta love yourself first and run into your own arms.

Kelso taught me that damn, that could be anybody. Jk, he taught me that it’s good to like how you look.

Then there’s Hyde. Hyde is now a difficult situation. Because he used to be the epitome of self-reliance. But now, he’s a well crafted guise that was designed, like all characters of a series, to become well known and thus, gain a type of influence and love.

I know damn well that actors are there to play a role and cash a check but it will never not amaze me that someone can lie so well. Danny Masterson is the guy Steven Hyde would beat the shit out of. Like Johnny Depp said, “With any part you play, there is a certain amount of yourself in it. There has to be, otherwise it's just not acting. It's lying.”

So I am completely comfortable in saying that, by that quote, Danny is a fucking liar and should rot.

I will always strive for my readers comfort so I need to know now, would it upset you all if I ever wrote for Steven Hyde? I will not be hurt by the outcome of the poll so do not let that skew your answers.

[davecortel]

A personal reflection on how sitcoms can boost your social life

Growing up, I never quite fit in with the crowd. While others effortlessly mingled and formed bonds, I often found solace in the world of sitcoms. From the nostalgic charm of "Lizzie McGuire" to the witty camaraderie of "How I Met Your Mother," "Friends," and "Brooklyn Nine-Nine," these shows became more than entertainment—they became my companions in navigating the complexities of social interaction.

As a child, "Lizzie McGuire" was my go-to escape. It wasn’t just about the humorous mishaps of adolescence but also about feeling understood. Lizzie and her friends faced relatable challenges and triumphs, showing me that even in fictional worlds, social bonds are crucial. Fast forward to adulthood, and sitcoms like "How I Met Your Mother" and "Friends" have become my virtual social circle.

Sitcoms excel in depicting diverse personalities and dynamics, from quirky individualists to tight-knit friend groups. Watching Ted Mosby navigate the New York dating scene or witnessing the inseparable bond between the friends in Central Perk taught me valuable lessons in empathy, humor, and the art of creating connections. Each character’s quirks and struggles resonated with different aspects of my own social journey.

Laughter truly is contagious, and sitcoms provide a treasure trove of shared jokes and iconic moments. Whether it’s Chandler’s sarcastic one-liners, Barney’s elaborate schemes, or Jake Peralta’s childish antics, these comedic elements bridge gaps between viewers. Quoting favorite lines or discussing plot twists with fellow fans creates a sense of belonging—a shared language that sparks conversations and fosters friendships.

Despite being fictional, sitcoms mirror real-life scenarios. They tackle everything from love and heartbreak to career setbacks and personal growth. Witnessing characters navigate these challenges helps us understand our own experiences better. It’s comforting to know that even the most iconic sitcom characters stumble and learn along the way, just like we do in our own lives.

While sitcoms offer comfort and laughter, they also inspire action. They encourage us to step out of our comfort zones, initiate conversations, and embrace spontaneity. Whether it’s suggesting a trivia night at a local bar or organizing a themed costume party, sitcoms remind us that memorable moments often arise from unexpected adventures.

In a world where social interactions can be daunting, sitcoms provide a safe haven—a place where laughter reigns supreme and friendships flourish. From childhood escapades with Lizzie McGuire to navigating adulthood with the gang from Central Perk or the precinct in Brooklyn, these shows have enriched my life in ways I never imagined.

So, if you find yourself seeking connection or simply a good laugh, don’t underestimate the power of sitcoms. Embrace the humor, cherish the camaraderie, and let these beloved characters guide you through the ups and downs of your own social journey. Who knows? You might just find yourself quoting Chandler Bing or practicing the "Smelly Cat" song with newfound friends sooner than you think. After all, in the world of sitcoms and beyond, laughter truly is the best medicine for the soul.

[art-of-manliness]

Odds & Ends: December 22, 2023

Code Talker: The First and Only Memoir by One of the Original Navajo Code Talkers of WWII by Chester Nez. During WWII, the Marines recruited members of the Navajo tribe to create a secret military code based on the Navajo language; the code was ultimately crucial in helping the Americans win many battles — including taking Iwo Jima — and is the only spoken military code never to have been deciphered. Despite mistreatment by the government growing up, Chester Nez remained very patriotic and volunteered for the Marines during the war; he was selected to be part of the original all-Navajo platoon that developed the code and then deployed it in the field, making round-the-clock transmissions on Guadalcanal and other campaigns in the Pacific theater. Nez’s memoir is an easy, relatively short read about an interesting, oft-overlooked part of WWII history and covers his life before, during, and after the war, and how his warrior heritage and the Navajo traditions helped him live the “Right Way.” Heat Therapy Patches. If you’ve got an ache or pain, using a heating pad can bring relief. Problem is, a heating pad tethers you to an electrical cord, and if you’re using one while you sleep, the pad won’t stay in the spot you want to treat. Enter heat therapy patches. Stick one on your body (they say to stick it on your clothes, but to be hot enough and stay in the same place, I put it directly on my skin), and you get 12 hours of soothing, limbering heat. I use this generic brand, and it works well. When I feel some niggle in my back that threatens to turn into a chronic problem, I put a patch on my back before bed, and when I get up — voila! — the pain is gone. The Age of Average. Have you noticed that everything looks the same these days? A coffee shop in Tulsa, OK looks pretty much the same as a coffee shop in Raleigh, NC. Airbnbs have mostly the same interior designs. Cars look the same. Even people look the same. Have you noticed how female Instagram influencers all have the same sort of “look”? The kids these days call it “Instagram face.” Alex Murrell calls this rising monoculture “the age of average” and explores what’s behind it in this article. Once you know about the age of average, you’ll start seeing it everywhere. Here’s to zigging when everyone else is zagging.  The Man Who Came to Dinner. I watched this 1942 film after Jeremy Arnold recommended it in our podcast episode about classic Christmas movies. The Man Who Came to Dinner is an offbeat screwball comedy about an acerbic literary critic named Sheridan Whiteside who slips on ice and injures himself outside a family’s home in Ohio. Forced to stay with the family during the Christmas season while he recovers, Whiteside quickly takes over the household with his demanding, eccentric behavior. Monty Woolley and Bette Davis crackle in this movie as they throw sarcastic zings at each other. A great film to remind you of the virtues of being a good houseguest during the holidays.  Quote of the Week I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. ― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol The post Odds & Ends: December 22, 2023 appeared first on The Art of Manliness. http://dlvr.it/T0VK3X

[daimonclub]

Life, truth and wisdom.

Life truth and wisdom Life, truth and wisdom, a collection of quotes and short thoughts on the meaning of the real essence of life, or better about the real sense and goal we can create. Life is nothing but a cock and bull story, and one of the best of its kind. Carl William Brown A noble heart will refuse happiness built on misfortune of others. Saadi Two percent of the people think; three percent of the people think they think; and ninety-five percent of the people would rather die than think. George Bernard Shaw Life begins on the other side of despair. Jean-Paul Sartre The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for. Fyodor Dostoyevsky Every man desires to live long, but no man wishes to be old. Jonathan Swift It is a little embarrassing that, after forty-five years of research and study, the best advice I can give to people is to be a little kinder to each other. Aldous Huxley Without goals, the very concept of intelligence is meaningless. Steven Pinker The mark of a civilized man is his willingness to re-examine his most cherished beliefs. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. The human species is mainly made up of people who do nothing but fill the sewers and pollute the environment in which they live, an endless mass of donkeys who unfortunately believe themselves to be horses and since they even believe to have a religious spirituality, they are also quite convinced to gain eternal life. Carl William Brown To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. Oscar Wilde Life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be lived. Søren Kierkegaard Youth ends when egotism does; maturity begins when one lives for others. Hermann Hesse Although I had no regrets, I told myself sadly that growing up was not the painless process one expected it to be. Maya Angelou If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or objects. Albert Einstein The painful sarcastic bitter parable of life. At the beginning you are born alone and in the end you will die alone, but in the middle you are going to meet an incredible number of assholes! Carl William Brown You are wealthy when you can freely decide what to do with your time. Vala Afshar

Heraclitus great quote All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. Edmund Burke A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears. Montaigne Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first and the lesson afterward. Oscar Wilde When all think alike, then no one is thinking. Walter Lippmann Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. Bertrand Russell We think too much and feel too little. Charlie Chaplin Day by day, what you think and what you do is who you become. Eraclitus You will always have problems. Learn to enjoy life while solving them. Anonymous At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think. Frida Khalo Nothing is more fairly distributed than common sense: no one thinks he needs more of it than he already has. Rene Descartes The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life. And the body is born young and grows old. That is life’s tragedy. Oscar Wilde The voice of the majority is no proof of justice. Friedrich Schiller No man on earth is truly free, All are slaves of money or necessity. Public opinion or fear of prosecution forces each one, against his conscience, to conform. Euripides When all think alike, then no one is thinking. Walter Lippmann The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding. Leonardo da Vinci The first mistake of art is to assume that it's serious. Lester Bangs To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life. T.S. Eliot We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone. Orson Wells

Natural life happiness The mark of a civilized man is his willingness to re-examine his most cherished beliefs. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence. Jiddu Krishnamurti The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man. Charles Darwin The beginning of wisdom is the beginning of supernatural power. Paracelsus One can acquire everything in solitude, except character. Sthendal A blot in thy escutcheon to all futurity. Miguel De Cervantes Man is an over-complicated organism. If he is doomed to extinction he will die out for want of simplicity. Ezra Pound Be circumspect how you offend schollers, for knowe, a serpent tooth bites not so ill, as dooth a schollers angrie quill. John Florio St. Michael’s Shield of Truth Prayer. St. Michael, you are our defender and safeguard against evil. Place your Shield of Truth over us and defend us in the battle which Satan wages against truth. Help us to seethe righteous path of Holy Love.Clarify our choices between good and evil by placing us always behind your Shield of Truth. Amen. The path is smooth that leadeth on to danger. William Shakespeare The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. Albert Einstein Wisdom overcomes fortune. Decimus Junius Juvenalis Never underestimate the enemy, above all if he is a stupid one. Carl William Brown To be continued ... Don’t miss these other similar posts: 100 golden quotes and aphorisms 100 best quotes and aphorisms 100 famous quotes and aphorisms 100 memorable quotes and aphorisms 100 top great quotes and aphorisms 100 great quotes on love Great and famous philosophy quotes Rules, life and literature Business life quote Quotes by authors Quotes by arguments Thoughts and reflections Read the full article

[mad3jokes]

Funny Jokes

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[mad1jokes]

Funny Mad Joke

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