#Santa felt silly goofy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aelinschild · 11 months ago

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Wow. This was an absolute masterpiece. I want to say a hugeeeee thank you to @writtenonreceipts for this Rowaelin Secret Santa gift. I felt all the feels in this and... Wow. Seriously, you are a fantastic writer and I'm so happy I got this as a present

Now onto my thoughts throughout (written as I read through cause I was flabbergasted by this piece of art) 😏

Okay so ranching??? Already I'm intrigued

Goldryn the horse 🥰

For some reason, Rowan being a grumpy man is his perfect personality type. Terribly attractive too.

NOOO THE RANCH

'"what do you mean no"' yeah Rowan 🤨🤨🤨 what do YOU mean???

''he could just suck it up.'' so true. Let's see where that leads though 😏

'"it's a binder"' '"it's my child"' LMFAO

He's so awkward ohmygod, just pull the stick out of your ass rowannn 😫😫

The relationship is changing....I can feel it... Now kiss

Oh no, were getting into the history now...I'm scared

'"There's more to you than that"' yes. Yes there is. Do tell us. And then kiss or something

Gotta say, lysandra-aedion duo ALWAYS completes these stories, I love seeing my babies happy

THEYRE FLIRRRRRRTINGGGG

*Brief interruption* It beautiful that you chose to talk about therapy and safety in this fic, especially during the holiday season where things like that can get overlooked. So thank you for that rawness sprinkled throughout.

''Aelin had it on good authority that goats liked chasing people as a game.'' I love that

OH NO, OHNOOHNOOHNO

It's like watching a car crash in slow motion, you know what will inevitably happen, but you keep hoping it won't - aka Rowan is being a silly goofy dumb man

Oh, Aelin 😟

THE BIG COUSIN REVEAL, gotta love it everytime

My heart is literally racing, oh my god, go get your girl, Rowan!!!

SHE WOKE UP IN HIS BED... NOW KISS

''It was only a small, dull ache though in comparison with the unyielding depths of Rowan’s dark eyes.'' DAMN. wow.

THEY KISSED. SOUND THE ALARMS OH MY GOD

AN EPILOGUE?????!?!??! And with baby fleetfoot 😭 awwww

a/n: Bonus points if you can point out where one of my (many) mental breakdowns occurs. She’s a bit of a disaster. I literally don’t know where this came from…

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas @aelinschild! Written as part of the @rowaelinscourt secret santa exchange. Thanks for putting up with me and my myriad of asks. It’s been wonderful to get to know you these last few weeks! <3<3<3<3

Find the companion Elorcan piece here! Set just a few months before the main events of this story.

AO3 Link here

Warnings: nothing major, non-explicit/passing mentions of trauma/abuse, very brief mention of drugs ~25k words

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

Until the Dust Settles

A golden sun set behind the Oakwald Mountains, casting long shadows across the long stretch of land that made up Whitethorn Ranch. The acres were a makeup of subtle rills and hills where horses could run for ages and the flatter earth where a decent sized garden yielded a fair amount for the farmers market in the spring and summer.

The land had been in Rowan Whitethorn’s family for over one hundred years—it was the only home he’d ever known. He’d grown up racing horses through the vast fields or spending winter chasing down animals that had gotten loose in a storm. He would admit that sometimes it was a hard life to live—the constant work, the fear for the animal’s safety. But it certainly had its benefits.

The spring and summer that actually made the land worth having. Not only because there in the farther outreaches of the countryside, things seemed untouched by society—which really was the only thing worth mentioning. But it also allowed for the most tourism and when most people came to visit that ranch.

For nearly twenty years now, Whitethorn Ranch was mostly known for its outreach program for troubled teens. When kids needed time away from home where it was for depression, anxiety, trauma, misbehavior—they came to the ranch.

It had started ages ago when Rowan’s great-grandfather came to own the land and took on the runaways who were escaping bad situations. His great-grandparents accepted anyone who came by the ranch as their own and the attitude extended through the generations. By the time Rowan’s father gained the land, things had turned to be more professional.

The ranch used a mix of therapy modems and simple outreach to help those who needed it. They offered day visits for schools, riding lessons, even month-long visits and stays for extreme cases. It was careful water to tread sometimes. Recently, Rowan had been more conscious about making sure the kids who came felt safe and wanted. He never accepted anyone who was forced to come, unless he could talk to the kid first. Even then, he knew that help only helped when someone actually wanted it.

But now as Rowan stared over the golden horizon, he wondered how anyone could turn a sight like this down.

He tightened Goldryn’s reins and clicked his tongue, directing the horse back to the stables. It had been a long day of checkouts and clean up. This late in the fall, most people only came by for tours or field trips. Business wouldn’t pick back up until May at least.

For now, the ranch would rely on its usual borders. There were a few families that owned horses but didn’t have the land to keep them, so Rowan rented out stalls and charged for care. It kept him busy enough in the slower months. Him and Lorcan, his best friend from college, made things work though. It had taken a great deal of convincing to get Lorcan to come out here, but the grumpy bastard enjoyed being outside and this job presented plenty of opportunity.

It certainly helped that Lorcan had recently started dating Elide Lochan, who was a staple to the small town. And Rowan had to admit—they were good together.

As he rode down a worn path along the paddock fence, Rowan could see a shape waiting for him in the distance. He grimaced. There was only one person that would be so intent on talking to him.

He slowed Goldryn to a trot, knowing he couldn’t avoid the inevitable.

Leaning against a fence post with her arms crossed and golden blonde hair hanging in loose curls was Aelin Galathynius. Brilliant, beautiful, and a pain in his ass. She had come to the ranch almost six months ago after graduating from a top university specializing in trauma. She was exactly what he needed for what he was trying to accomplish here and exactly the right person to drive him insane.

Rowan pulled Goldryn to a stop at the fence gate and stared down at Aelin. Her cold blue eyes stared right back up. She’d long since traded her fancy clothes and high heels out for jeans and t-shirts. She even wore a baseball cap on occasion. And yet the change of close did nothing to diminish her looks.

“I need to talk to you,” she said. She didn’t flinch when Goldryn stamped her feet with a loud snort. Another thing Aelin had improved upon, not being jumpy around the animals. Though, she did eye the mare with a bit of distrust.

“It’s outside of my office hours,” he replied. “Try again tomorrow.”

Aelin scowled at him. It was the same excuse she used on him when he needed to talk to her, he didn’t see why she should be so upset to have it thrown back in her face.

“That’s what you said yesterday,” she said.

“I know what I said.” He adjusted his hold on the reins and shrugged. “It’s been a busy few days.”

He jumped off of Goldryn’s back, landing in the earth with a soft thump. He could just as easily have Aelin open the gate for him, but he was convinced she would have tried to scratch his eyes out if he’d asked. Keeping one hand in the reins, Rowan unlatched the gate and swung it open towards him. Goldryn snorted again, huffing as she backed up a few feet to make room.

Aelin too had taken a step back but she didn’t go far. She was several inches shorter than he was, even in the boots she wore, but still taller than the average woman. She had a lean, athletic build Rowan had seen put to good use. When some of the kids got restless on their extended stays she would workout with them, go for runs, turn hay bales, the whole nine-yards. She wasn’t weak by any means.

“What do you need, princess?” he asked as he led Goldryn through the gate, locking the paddock again behind him. He kept himself between Aelin and the horse, mostly because he knew she still wasn’t comfortable around the larger animals and even he wasn’t that cruel.

Still, Aelin almost stalked off right then. Rowan could see it in her eyes, the tilt of her chin. It wouldn’t have surprised him if she had. Hell, he’d never met anyone as stubborn as Aelin Galathynius. Not even one of his horses had as much attitude.

But he knew she needed something and even though it killed her, she uncrossed her arms and kept pace with him as he set off toward the stables.

“Don’t call me that,” Aelin said flatly. She flicked her hair over one shoulder as she kept her steps purposeful, even when she stepped in a small hole and nearly went careening forward.

Rowan tried to reach out and steady her as he kept Goldryn reined in, but Aelin waved him off. She straightened herself out and got on even footing before she continued to scowl at the ground. She’d always been like that too—refusing help and insisting she could manage things on her own. She was damned near worse than Farasha.

“Easy,” he said. He was talking to the horse, who was yanking on the reins a bit too hard. Aelin of course would never miss an opportunity to glare at him.

It was a shame they hated each other; Rowan decided. Because try as he might, he couldn’t ignore the fact that she was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. Between her blue eyes, the golden waves of hair, the mischievous tilt of her lips—he’d be a fool not to acknowledge it. But Aelin was also impossibly stubborn. She fought him on everything. She was opinionated. She was selfish. She was—

“I want you to open up another week for kids to come and stay over Christmas and New Years,” Aelin said. She adjusted the yellow and black flannel she wore, eyes straight forward.

She was going to drive him to an early grave.

It was Rowan’s turn to stumble as he spun to look at her. “You what?”

Goldryn snorted, pulling on the reins again. Oh she was mad at him. They were a few minutes late to dinner now and she knew it. Damn horse.

“An extra week for kids to come stay over the holidays,” Aelin repeated. She didn’t flinch from the way he turned his own glare on her, only kept walking with that insufferable tilt to her chin.

“Why?” he asked.

Christmas—any of the holidays this time of year really—always made for a quieter time on the ranch. People were more content to stay at home and put off their problems a little longer. It wasn’t until after that people realized how much they hated their circumstances. Even then, they didn’t seek out his ranch for anything more than daily horse rides. Nothing to actually problem solve.

“It’s a hard time of year for kids,” Aelin said.

They reached the stables and she helped slide the great door open. Immediately, the heating system blasted them with a warm gush of air accompanied by the scent of hay, manure, and feed. It was a scent Rowan had grown used to and, strange as it was, he took comfort in.

Rowan handed Goldryn off to one of the stable hands who took the mare to her stall. Turning to Aelin, Rowan crossed his arms over his chest, taking her in. She had a fiery determination about her and he knew he wouldn’t be able to brush her off easily.

“Open up an extra week so these kids can have a safe place to come,” Aelin insisted. “There’s a program with the city—”

“Please, Aelin, I know what that means,” he said, already walking away. She could trail him and make her case if it was so important. “I won’t actually get paid for the extra costs. The city pretends to take care of all the funding but doesn’t actually give me what I need.”

“I’ll take care of it all,” Aelin said, indeed following right after him as he moved to the feed barrels. She even managed to dodge the droppings from the lone pig that wandered the stables. “I’ll keep up the communications with the program. I know the director, she’s not a flake.”

Rowan had heard things like this before. Sellene had tried to get him to take state funding before too, all that resulted in was mounds of paperwork and audits.

He opened the feed barrels and started scooping portions into waiting buckets that would go to the various horse stalls. Aelin took one of the buckets as soon as it was filled, her manicured fingers wrapping around the handle.

“The Cavarre Foundation wants to help kids,” Aelin continued. She grabbed another bucket. “They’ve already got a list of kids they can send over.”

“Then they can wait til after the holidays,” Rowan said.

He hefted his own buckets and went to the first stall. A yearling named Quinn was already waiting for his feed. His owners were aiming for the colt to be a stallion and show for congress. Quinn had a bit too much attitude to take to that sort of training, he’d be better as a rodeo horse or in the fields, but Rowan wasn’t being paid for that commentary.

“Watch it buddy,” Rowan warned the colt as he opened the stall and eased toward the trough in the corner. Quinn nickered and pranced a bit, but ultimately didn’t give him any issues.

Aelin waited outside the stall, the tension in her body obvious. She should just go and catch up with him later. He would have suggested it too if she didn’t immediately start talking again.

“What if their home lives aren’t the best? These kids have been selected from a few of the foster homes in the area and recommended by psychiatrists that this would be a beneficial healing opportunity.” Aelin dodged around a worker moving hay, this time landing one foot in a pile of pig dung. She didn’t flinch. “Isn’t that what this ranch is about?”

No it wasn’t.

Rowan opened the door of Hessina’s stall. The mare was pregnant, due in late February, and had to be the sweetest horse he actually owned. Rowan offered her a nose rub that she eagerly accepted.

“Are you even listening to me?” Aelin asked as Rowan closed the stall again.

“Hard not to when you won’t shut up,” he muttered. He couldn’t tell if she’d heard him or not--her scowl remained perfectly etched on her face and she betrayed nothing as she walked with him to the next two stalls.

It didn’t take long to get most of the horses fed and ensure they had plenty of water. The night wasn’t set to get too cold, so they wouldn’t bring out the blankets. The heating system worked well enough to keep things warm but not freezing and these horses were all conditioned and bred for the chilly winter weather as it was.

By the time Rowan was ready to head back to the main house it had almost darkened completely outside. Another long day done only for it to continue tomorrow and the day after. He’d only been officially running the ranch for five years and he was ready to be done with it.

After making sure everything was set for the night, and checking in with the shift leader, Rowan decided he could leave everything as it was. Lorcan would be in tomorrow to do a once over. As the lead stable manager, he oversaw the functioning of the workers and the horses. He even did a bit of training on the horses. Not that Lorcan would ever admit to doing so.

“You still here?” Rowan said to Aelin as he headed back to the cold night. It was a twenty-minute walk, but the weather had been decent enough that he hadn’t wanted to bother with his car.

“You never gave me an answer,” she said.

They walked across the long drive that led straight to the main house. The road wasn’t paved, only gravel packed dirt that wound it’s way around the property. When kids were staying in the cabins, Aelin had a room designated for her in the house, but she usually just went back into town where she rented an apartment. As far as he knew, she was still planning on leaving when they reached her car.

“I already told you no,” he said.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make; opening the ranch up for a week. Especially over the holidays. He knew that Lorcan didn’t care about this time of year and there were a few ranch hands that wouldn’t mind the extra time to work. But if the city program never paid him, he could never pay for the extra work. And while he knew he could handle the work on his own if necessary…well, Rowan just didn’t see the point of approving this.

“It’s a lot to take on without much warning,” he added, before Aelin could rise up in a defensive retort. “Give me a day, alright?”

They finally reached the main house with its large wrap-around porch, the whitewashed wood, and three-story windows. His cousin was probably inside already cooking up a meal that she’d filmed for her Instagram page. It was the kind of house for a family, for someone with more to their name than Rowan did. Sometimes he really hated coming home.

Aelin car, a small two-door Audi, waited from where she’d parked it that morning. Rowan would be very interested to know how she planned on getting around once the snow started.

“I’ll take on any extra work you need,” she said, “cooking, cleaning, I’ll care for horses—”

“You hate the horses,” he said.

Her mouth twisted to the side. “I’ll do what I need to do. Please, Rowan. I think this would be a really good opportunity.”

Rowan didn’t know what surprised him more: the fact that she said please or used his first name. He made the mistake of meeting her gaze, the gold undertones of the blue bright in the porch lights. Shaking his head, Rowan muttered a curse.

“I’ll let you know in the morning,” he told her.

Aelin nodded once. “Thank-you.”

It was the most civil they’d been to each other in a long time. Usually their exchanges ended in accusations, shouting, and name calling. Aelin too seemed caught off guard by it. She stepped back, digging for her keys in her pocket. She nodded again before returning to her car.

Rowan remained outside as she made a quick U-turn in the large gravel drive. She disappeared into the night quietly, the taillights soon lost as she curved down a bend in the road.

“Dammit,” he muttered.

Rowan already knew the answer he would have to give Aelin. It was one he’d have to give his entire staff. And he knew no one was going to like it. Come new year he was going to sell the ranch to someone new. And just like that the legacy his family had left him would be gone.

…

As she drove down the highway into town, Aelin found herself wringing the steering wheel of the car while imagining it was Rowan Whitethorn’s neck. She knew, she knew, he was going to tell her no. He would text her first thing in the morning and tell her that her request would be denied. That the thing she actually cared about wouldn’t see the light of day.

He was a bastard.

She’d known it from the first day she’d met him so many months ago.

It was her first full day in Oakwald, having left everything behind in Terrasen, and she was ready to start anew. She’d expected things to be hard. But she hadn’t expected Rowan Whitethorn to look at her with such contempt and tell her that she really had no business being there in the first place. As if he hadn’t hired her just a week ago to fill a vacancy in his staff.

Not to mention the look he’d given her clothes, her car, everything about her was some big cosmic joke.

Aelin sighed and turned off the highway to the bar where her one real friend worked.

Her little Audi was out of place among the trucks and SUVs. She just needed to make it another two weeks without any bad weather and she’d have access to her new car. Locking up, she hurried into the bar, already relishing the warmth awaiting.

In the span of one minute, the cold November air nearly sucked the life out of her. The bar was a welcome reprieve as it was always kept at a decent heat. Even with the scent of cigarette smoke lingering in the air, it had a comforting air about it.

Aelin went to the counter and slipped into a stool right next to Lorcan Salvaterre.

“Seriously?” he growled at her with a malicious side eye.

“It's the best of both worlds,” Aelin said with a cheeky smile. “You don’t like sharing your girlfriend, but she’s my best friend. You still can talk to her and freely ignore me.”

Lorcan was not impressed by the explanation. Back in the city, Aelin would have done everything in her power to avoid a man like him. He was massive with long black hair and enough scars to indicate bad news. His leather jacket strained with his broad shoulders and thick muscles. And while Aelin would admit she had a thing for guys of a certain physique there was something dark about Lorcan that she couldn’t explain. Which made it all the more surprising that he and Elide had started dating.

“Hey, Aelin!” Elide appeared from the swinging doors that led to the kitchen, carrying a tray of appetizers for another table.

“Hey!” Aelin called back.

Just a few months ago, Elide had told her about the confession she’d overheard where Lorcan admitted his feelings for her. It had led to a heated kiss and a night that Elide said was the best of her life. It was the only explanation Aelin needed or wanted. She was glad her friend was happy, even if it was with Lorcan Salvaterre.

“Glad to see you’re still grumpy as ever,” Aelin told Lorcan. She snagged a few pretzels in one of the many bowls set up along the bar. She’d long gotten over her germ contamination worries.

Lorcan grunted and sipped his beer. Aelin rolled her eyes.

“You’re just like Whitethorn,” she said.

Another grunt. Well, it was better than utter ignorance she supposed.

Elide appeared a minute later. She leaned against the counter and raised a brow.

“Wow, you actually chose to sit next to Lorcan,” she said, “I’m proud of you.”

“I figured it would be better than making the old man upset that you would choose me over him to talk to,” Aelin explained. “Besides, I think he’s warming up to me.”

Lorcan cut her a look that only had her grinning.

Elide snorted a laugh. “Yeah, besties the two of you. What would you like to drink?”

“Just a coke,” Aelin said, “I should get home soon.”

“Coke and mozzarella sticks coming up,” Elide said with a wink. She glanced at Lorcan. “Babe?”

Lorcan stared at his girlfriend for a long moment before registering what she said. The corner of his mouth picked up in a smile and he shook his head.

“Nah, I’m good.”

Elide only smiled fondly as she got Aelin her coke and went to put in an order for mozzarella sticks.

It was strange to Aelin just how enmeshed she’d gotten into this small town just in the past few months since arriving. She never thought she’d find a place to belong more than in Terrasen, but there was something about Oakwald that she couldn’t deny enjoying. It certainly helped that she and Elide had become such quick friends.

But really, Aelin was glad to be out of Terrasen. She needed a new start. A new life. Here, no one knew her history, her parents, anything beyond the fact that she was the new therapist on Whitethorn Ranch. And she liked it that way.

Elide returned a minute later, her thick black hair piled in a new bun atop her head. She often worked doubles all week long without much time for herself, let alone to date anyone. But Aelin had learned a long time ago that Elide was as good as they came. She worked hard, cared harder, and was one of the most genuine individuals she’d ever met.

“How was the ranch?” Elide asked. She set another beer on the bar for Lorcan without his needing to ask for it.

“Good,” Aelin said, “it’s been slowing down. But if Whitethorn wouldn’t be such an ass, it would pick up. I pitched him my idea for the extra week over the holidays. He’s just going to say no, though.” Beside her, Lorcan made a noise. She shot him a glare. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said, “it doesn’t matter.”

He looked up when the bar door opened and a few of his friends came in. He rapped his knuckles on the counter before standing to go join them.

Aelin looked back to Elide. “How can you like him?”

“Because I do,” Elide said simply. She leaned across the counter with a sigh. “I’m sure Rowan will approve your idea. It’s a good one and he knows it’s what his ranch is for. Take him the numbers and notes you came up with. He can’t say no to concrete evidence.”

Aelin nodded absently. When she’d come to Oakwald it had been in part to get away from Terrasen. But it had also been a beckoning call from her cousin and his wife.

Lysandra Cavarre-Ashryver had been a close friend of Aelin’s for years when they’d grown up together in Terrasen. They’d lost contact when Lysandra’s foster family took her across the country. Aelin too had lost contact with her cousin after a series of messy family drama. It was only after Aelin’s…accident a few years ago that they’d slowly reconnected.

And to be honest ever since talking with Lysandra and Aedion again, Aelin had slowly started feeling like herself. It had only taken six years.

“I just…I really think it’s a good plan, especially for those kids,” she said. This entire thing was the only thing keeping her afloat right now. A job that gave her purpose, a chance to reunite with her cousin…it was better than being left with the reality of potentially going back to Terrasen.

Aelin shuddered at the thought and sipped her coke. The carbonation danced on her tongue as she swallowed.

“He’s going to say yes,” Elide said. She gave Aelin another look of assurance before going back to the kitchen to check on orders.

Aelin didn’t know what to think. Elide had to be on her side, that’s what friends did. But Elide was also not the kind to cling to false hope.

“Yeah,” she said to herself. She had to believe that this would go right. Because the alternative…well she didn’t want to think about that.

…

“What do you mean no?” Aelin asked.

She stared across the desk at Rowan who looked utterly passive as he sat in his chair, fingers steepled before him.

They were in the office of the main house where most of the “on paper” business of the ranch was taken care of. Aelin had spent a bit of time here over the last several months. Mostly to force Rowan to listen to her on a subject. And just like all the other times before it was proving to be hostile and unproductive.

The office was simple in decoration with only a few framed pictures of Rowan’s dad, granddad, and great-granddad, a few knick-knacks on the shelves, and medals and certificates of recognition that the ranch had received over the years for various horses that had made nationals and other such things.

Aelin didn’t like the room very much. The rest of the house had a homey feel, but she believed that was because Sellene lived on site while she went to school at the local community college and hosted an online cooking show with Instagram. It was Sellene that added the feminine touch to the main concourses. Rowan hardly seemed like the domestic type. If things were his way the entire house would be empty save for a display of guns.

“I mean no,” Rowan said. He didn’t even look apologetic as he delivered the news. “It’s too much work for the ranch in this season. Most of the workers are already leaving until things pick up in the spring. And if you can’t guarantee payment then I’m not putting in the risk.”

She pulled out the binder she’d curated with Lysandra and dropped it on the desk with a thunk.

“I have the costs and benefits listed, what the program will offer in payment before and after, they have releases all lined up, the programs director is willing to come down and help with whatever is needed supervision wise for the kids.” Aelin flipped the binder open to the different graphs and spreadsheets. “If you’d just look it over.”

She was trying desperately to keep her voice even, to keep from shaking and revealing too much, but Aelin could feel a familiar sense of panic rising within her. This was happening. He was going to turn her down and she would be left with the solid evidence that she couldn’t even do something as simple as start a therapeutic program on her own.

“Aelin,” Rowan said. He leaned across the desk and placed a hand on the open binder. He didn’t even bother to look at the pages of carefully crafted data. Instead, his stupid green eyes bore into her with what Aelin could only describe as pity.

The bastard was pitying her?

She slid the binder away from him, protective of it and all the work she’d put into its contents.

“Fine,” she said. She shouldn’t have been surprised. In the last seven months of knowing him, he had always been cold and heartless. The kind of person that Aelin should have known better than getting into business with. He wasn’t any better than—

“I have three conditions,” Rowan said suddenly.

Aelin snapped her eyes back to his. He couldn’t really mean—

“First, you’ll be expected to pick up extra slack from the workers who already have approved time off for the holiday,” Rowan said, “and you’ll have to convince Lorcan to work over time.”

Aelin blinked at him. “Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“No strings attached?”

“Well, I doubt you’re going to get Lorcan to help.” Rowan shrugged, leaning back in his chair. He paused as if considering what his next words would be. “He doesn’t like helping people very much.”

“I know he doesn’t like me,” Aelin said, her body still thrumming with excitement. “No need to sugar coat it. What was your third condition?”

Rowan adjusted the cuff of his shirt. “The program director needs to have at least a quarter of the payment to me by tomorrow afternoon.”

“She can have it to you by today,” Aelin said automatically. She knew that just like her, Lysandra had been waiting for an opportunity like this to come along and had made sure she had sufficient funding all lined up. Plus, there was Aedion who would go to hell and back if it meant getting Lysandra something she wanted.

Rowan didn’t seem convinced that her words held much weight but he only nodded. “Alright. Then from the twenty third to January second you’re in charge.”

“Deal. Done.” Aelin agreed automatically. She would have given him the twenty in her wallet and her library card if it would make a difference. Which it should. Her library card was worth gold.

Despite his agreement, displeasure was plain to see on Rowan’s face. He still didn’t like this plan. Well he could just suck it up. By the time Aelin was through and was able to execute all the ideas she had—he would see. This was going to be a brilliant idea, one that could easily become a new tradition for the ranch.

He held out a hand toward her and Aelin stared. Did he want to shake on this?

“The binder,” he said, one silver brow raised.

Aelin felt a bit of heat rise in her cheeks, but she forced it back. This binder was her baby. Quite literally the thing that had pulled her through her master’s program, and hopefully to a doctorate.

“You’re going to be mean to her,” she said.

“It’s a binder.”

“It’s my child.”

Rowan’s lips parted in surprise. Well, it wasn’t the first time she’d caught him off guard. It was his turn to stare at her, those green eyes boring into her with such intensity Aelin would have thought he could actually see into her soul.

“I need to know what you’re going to put my ranch through,” he said.

Aelin pursed her lips. She knew she’d have to relent, but handing over the binder felt like handing over a piece of her and she didn’t think she was ready for that. Rowan’s hand still wanted expectantly and she glanced down at it. His palm was upturned and she could see the roughhewn calluses on his fingers and knuckles. His skin was clean though, the nails neatly trimmed and no dirt tucked in the nail beds. She’d never quite realized just how big Rowan actually was, in all these months. And here he was holding out a hand to her and all she could do was stare.

Like a maniac.

She dropped the binder into his hand. He barely twitched.

“I’ll just wait to hear from your…friend?” he asked.

“Lysandra Cavarre,” Aelin said. Technically Lysandra Ashryver, but Aelin really didn’t want to go into the complications of last names and what they meant. She’d made it this far without any association to her past, she could keep it up a while longer.

“Lysandra,” Rowan repeated, committing the name to memory. He nodded and accepted the binder onto his desk. “I’ll leave you to it then. You’ve got a lot of work to do if you think Lorcan’s going to agree to this easily.”

“Oh, he’s even more of a bastard than you,” Aelin replied quickly. She smiled as sweetly as she would if she were talking with someone she liked. “But I’m best friends with his girlfriend.”

With that, Aelin rose from her seat, collecting her bag as she went. When she reached the door, she turned back and smiled again.

“You won’t regret this.”

Just as she was pulling the door of his office shut behind her, she could have sworn she heard the soft murmur: Mala save me.

Aelin smirked to herself as she walked back through the house. If she was adding just a little bit of extra misery to Rowans day, she didn’t suppose that would be an issue. The grumpy buzzard deserved it.

She passed the kitchen where Sellene was sitting at the counter, a pile of books for school in front of her. Pausing, Aelin rerouted to just say hi to the Whitethorn cousin.

Sellene, a few years older than Aelin’s twenty-five, had always been a staple of the ranch. Even when she was doing her schooling, she’d taken time off to help raise her younger brother Endymion after their parents passed, she was almost always at the ranch. Now that Endymion had gone to his own college of choice, Sellene was now able to pursue her own desires.

“Hey, Sel,” Aelin greeted. She went to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle.

“Hey Aelin,” Sellene said. “Rowan giving you a hard time?”

“Has he always been so cranky?” Aelin asked. She sighed and leaned against the counter as she rested her elbows on the granite.

Across from her, Sellene chuckled. “I guess you could say that. Just be glad he likes you.”

“Please.” Aelin rolled her eyes. “He hates me.”

“If he hated you, do you think he’d keep you around?” Sellene raised a brow in question. “He’s an ass, but he knows you work hard.”

Aelin wasn’t so sure of that. Really, she was convinced the only reason Rowan didn’t kick her off the ranch was because there were no other options for therapists to come out into the area. It had only taken half a day for Rowan to call her in for an interview when she’d first applied. The job offer came the next day.

“Whatever you say,” Aelin said. “You want to help me piss him off even more?”

Sellene sighed. “I would love to, unfortunately I am going to be headed out to visit Endymion during his break. It’s harder for him to leave his job.”

Aelin shouldn’t have been surprised. In the few months she’d been a part of the homestead she’d learned quickly that the Whitethorn cousins were a tight knit group. Still, it would have been fun to pit Sellene against Rowan at least for a little bit.

“That’ll be fun,” she said. “I’m sure he misses you.”

“Oh, I plan on embarrassing him to no end,” Sellene replied seriously. “He’s eighteen and thinks he’s the smartest person alive. The boy’s gotta learn some humility.”

Aelin snorted a laugh. Honestly, it was the same thing her own cousin would have said about her.

Sellene shut down her computer sighed. “But I am going to miss this place. It’s always the best being here during the holidays. It’ll be weird not to see it all.”

It was a strange sentiment to share and Aelin didn’t quite know how to respond. But she didn’t have time to ask about it. It was already getting late in the day and she needed to call Elide to enlist her help. And then tell Lysandra to send a deposit Rowan’s direction.

“Let me know if you need anything,” Aelin said, she’d have time to get more information from Sellene later.

“Yeah, good luck, Aelin,” Sellene said, smiling softly.

Aelin offered a wave before she hurried out of the house, phone in hand.

It only rang once before Elide answered.

“Elide?” she asked. “I need your help.”

…

For some reason, Rowan had thought that Aelin wouldn’t succeed in meeting the three conditions he’d set out for her. Because, really, how would she be able to convince Lorcan of all people to work over time?

He supposed this was his first lesson in not underestimating her because not half an hour after Aelin left his office the morning, he’d approved the project then he got a call from one Lysandra Cavarre asking for routing information that she could send money to.

By the end of the day, he’d gotten a text from Lorcan.

Your girlfriend’s a menace.

Rowan had stared at the message for entirely too long.

Not my girlfriend.

Lorcan’s brief response said more than anything else could: right.

The brief exchange caught Rowan off guard. Not only for the fact that Lorcan didn’t insult Aelin, but the mere idea of calling her his girlfriend. She was the bane of his existence. In the entirety of her time on the ranch she’d demanded change, created chaos, and riled him up with all her little remarks.

Aelin Galathynius sought to drive him insane. Even when he tried to return the favor, nothing he did seemed enough to deter her. She only rose to the challenge. He guessed he could respect her for that.

Three days after striking the deal with Aelin, Rowan woke early, as he usually did, and headed to the stables. They still had two weeks of preparation before the holidays but there was still plenty to do.

Rowan dressed quickly before heading to the kitchen where Sellene had left a smoothie and protein bar in the fridge for him. When there were kids or other guests staying in the cabins, there was a bigger fanfare made for breakfast. For now, this was usually what he got. He’d much prefer making his own food, but he always appreciated the effort from Sellene.

He grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl as well and headed out to his truck. It was barely four-thirty in the morning but that was the life he’d set out for himself. He’d barely made it down the deck stairs when he noticed the other car sitting in the drive next to his.

Aelin was leaning against the side of her tiny car, wearing a large flannel and jeans tucked into a pair of boots. In her hands she held two thermoses.

“What?” She called out to him. “Did you sleep in?”

Rowan crossed the yard toward her. “The sun isn’t even up.”

“Yeah, I hate it.” She took a long sip from one of the thermos’ before thrusting the other at him. “Here. Black like your soul.”

Rowan stared at the thermos for a minute before he accepted it. “Thanks?”

The morning was dark, not even the horizon had started lighting, yet Rowan could still see the amusement playing in Aelin’s eyes as she watched him. Her hair hung in a long braid over one shoulder, a few tendrils escaped around her temples. She didn’t wear any makeup and still there was something so striking about the way she looked.

“It’s not poisoned,” she prompted.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, taking a sip of the coffee. It was strong and bitter, just as he liked.

“You said I’d need to help pick up the slack,” she said, following him as he walked to his truck. “So here I am.”

If he were being honest, Rowan was surprised. Aelin had never stuck him as the type to do manual labor. Or really work for that matter. Her wealth and status had been obvious the first time he’d met her. Then there was the car, the designer clothes, the manicures. When he’d hired her, all he’d received were glowing referrals. Another surprise. Even now he was still trying to reconcile his initial impressions of her to who she really was.

“Here you are,” Rowan agreed. He gave her another once over, unable to help but notice the curve of her hips beneath the open flannel. Dammit.

Shaking his head, he unlocked the truck. He could practically hear his mother yelling at him for not opening Aelin’s door for her, but his hands were full. Besides, Aelin didn’t seem to notice. She hopped up into the front seat. Her movements were graceful and easy as though she’d done so a hundred times before.

Rowan settled into his own seat and started the truck up. There was a small layer of frost on the windshield waiting for them. His least favorite part of the day was waiting for the heater to get into gear and finally warm up.

“Are you always up so early?” Aelin asked suddenly. She was huddled in her seat, staving off the chill which was the only thing about the early hour that seemed to be bothering her.

“Yeah,” Rowan said. “Unless Lorcan’s going to be in early. But I told him to take the later shift until he comes in for your event.”

Aelin hummed at that as she took a long sip of her own coffee. “Interesting. You should get more sleep. It’s good for you.”

“I’m in the wrong business for that, princess,” he muttered.

“Don’t call me that,” Aelin said. She cut him a glare, her lip curling slightly.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because.” Another sip of her coffee.

Rowan said nothing and tried clearing the windshield. It cleared well enough. He at least wouldn’t be out on the open road, so a few skiffs of remaining ice weren’t the end of the world. Putting the truck in gear, he backed up a bit before turning.

“Are you always such a morning person?” he asked as they headed down the long drive.

“Hell no.” Aelin made a face. “If I had it my way I wouldn’t get out of bed until noon. This is my second round of coffee. Do you have any idea how much I am not looking forward to today? It’s going to be miserable. The worst. I hate mornings.”

She spoke with such vehemence that Rowan wondered if there really was a way for morning to be such a real entity for someone to hate. It was also amusing, especially the way her nose crinkled in disgust.

“It’s a beautiful morning,” he said, clearing his throat. “You can’t hate that.”

“It’s pitch black and I can see my breath,” she deadpanned. Sighing she adjusted in her seat. “C’mon, buzzard, you wouldn’t rather be in bed still? All warm and snuggled up?”

“No,” he said.

Aelin chuckled in that nonsense sort of way she had. “Hmm, right. Even you have to admit a lazy morning in is fun. With the right company.”

Rowan stared staunchly forward. Though, he could still see that insufferable grin of Aelin’s out of the corner of his eye.

“Ignoring me now?” she pressed.

The sight of the stables had never been more glorious.

“No, you’re just impossible.”

“Thank-you.”

Rowan parked the truck in its usual spot and tried hard not to smile. He settled with an eye roll.

“Let’s go buzzard,” Aelin said. She threw the door open and hopped out of the truck. “Show me the ropes.”

If there was one thing Rowan knew to be true—it was going to be a long day. Though as he clambered out of the truck himself, the thought didn’t seem as heavy as it once may have been.

…

In the end, the day wasn’t bad. In fact, things ran far smoother than Rowan had been expecting. He’d thought that by having Aelin shadowing him things would go a lot slower and he’d have trouble getting everything done, but she was a ready student.

She handled feed buckets with ease, tied perfect knots on the first try, she even mucked stalls without complaint. If Rowan didn’t know any better, he’d have said she’d spent time in a barn before. A lot of time. She seemed to know her way around the equipment, knew the terms, and sometimes reacted before he even needed to give instruction.

When he tried to ask her about it, she told him he was insane.

It wasn’t the first time someone had lied to him, but he figured it wasn’t worth trying to needle the information out of her.

The routine continued for the rest of the week. Aelin would be at the ranch first thing in the morning with coffee and they’d work all day together until dinner when they’d return to the main house.

“You know you still have a room in the house, right?” Rowan asked one morning. “You don’t have to do this back and forth.”

“Oh,” Aelin looked out her window as they passed familiar pastures. “I guess…I figured you wouldn’t want me there? Sellene’s gone and all, why not have the place to yourself?”

It was true, Rowan often enjoyed his time alone unless he went into town to have a drink with Lorcan, Fenrys, and Connall. A recluse, Aelin had called him on occasion.

The strange thing about it was…Rowan didn’t think he would have minded Aelin being around more. She drove him mad, more often than not, but even in the last few weeks (days really) there had been a subtle shift. One that he didn’t know how to identify.

“Your friend is coming with the new group of kids, right?” Shifting the conversation seemed the safer option so he didn’t hesitate.

“She and her husband,” Aelin agreed, he didn’t miss the look she gave him. “They were planning on staying at the house, if that’s still alright?”

“Yeah, we’ve got plenty of space,” Rowan said. The house was enormous with five separate rooms and four bathrooms. His great-grandfather had always wanted a home to welcome as many guests as possible so new additions were added on continuously in the early years. His own parents had hoped to keep the house full of children. In the end, it was only Rowan who waged war upon the floorboards.

Aelin nodded absently, her fingers drumming on her thermos absently. “I’ll come up with them and stay the week before and during.”

“Alright,” Rowan said. The drive to the stables that morning was the same as ever with only another light dusting of snow falling from the sky. As late December encroached, it wouldn’t surprise him if they were due for a storm.

“They’ll be coming tomorrow, I think,” Aelin said, “Lys and Aedion.”

Rowan started. “Aedion Ashryver?”

In her seat, Aelin visibly flinched. She covered it almost seamlessly as she tossed her hair over her shoulder and sat up a little straighter.

“He’s an ass,” Aelin told him. “Though, very good looking.”

Rowan could only stare. The Ashryvers were practically celebrities in the world of horses and ranch work. Evalin and her sister Andra made waves when they were young for their work in showing horses, not just in contemporary riding, but racing, and rodeo. They’d set a standard for those that would come after as they changed the equestrian world for years to come.

He didn’t know much of what had happened to either woman after they’d aged out. Only that they continued to run a ranch out in the countryside of Terrasen for breeding and training. He knew there had been a scandal of some sort five or six years ago involving a rider and a trainer, but the story evaded him.

When they got to the stables, Lorcan’s own truck was already there and he’d turned on the floodlights to help beckon in the rising dawn. They were still a week out from when the Christmas group of kids would come, so Lorcan shouldn’t have even been there.

Rowan glanced at Aelin who didn’t seem the least bit surprised at the sight.

“How did you get him to agree to this?” Rowan asked.

“I can be very convincing,” Aelin replied simply. “And Elide.”

Not sure he wanted to know the full details in that, Rowan let the rest of the conversation drop.

As always, Lorcan remained in his quiet way. He went about his usual duties without comment, only nodding in acknowledgment as Rowan and Aelin entered the stables.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping in?” Rowan asked. He rested his keys on the rack beside the doors, not yet ready to take off his coat to the morning chill.

“Couldn’t,” Lorcan replied with a shrug. He nodded to Aelin. “Regretting your choices yet?”

“Nope.” Aelin smiled brightly. She took a long sip of her coffee and went to the row of shelves reserved for personal items.

Lorcan shot Rowan a look that he ignored. They’d had plenty of conversations about Aelin and the week she had planned for the holiday. Besides, if Lorcan couldn’t say no to Aelin (even if Elide wasn’t a factor) they were both idiots.

Knowing better than to try and tease Lorcan about how quickly he’d fallen for Elide, he crossed the stables to where his friend was working on preparing some equipment.

“What’ve you already taken care of?” He and Aelin had gotten a slightly late start for the day--a mix of him waking up late and the frost and Aelin needing to steal breakfast from him.

“Not much,” Lorcan admitted, “everything’s pretty much good. The vet’s coming around for check-ups this afternoon.”

“Do you know how the cabins are looking?”

Lorcan shrugged. “Probably about the same as when the last group left.”

That shouldn’t have surprised him. “We’ll go take a look then come back to help prep for the vet visit.”

“Sure,” Lorcan said. He glanced to where Aelin was kneeling before the ranch pig, dubbed Ex because it had been Endymion’s turn to pick a name. The finalists of names fell between Frank and Excali-wilbur and Endymion did not disappoint. “Have you told her yet?”

Rowan scowled. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Sure,” Lorcan said, scraping off a bit of dirt from an old bridle set. “Keep telling yourself that.”

The words sat heavy with Rowan the rest of the day. He knew that Lorcan just liked screwing with him on occasion. But there was also a part of him that worried if there was truth to Lorcan’s ominous words. He really didn’t see what it mattered though--whether he was going to sell the ranch or not was his own business.

He really didn’t see what the difference was if he continued to owned the ranch or not. Sellene and Endymion hadn’t expressed any in taking the land over for themselves and they were the only living relatives Rowan knew about. Theirs were the only opinions that mattered.

Still, by the time he and Aelin finished getting the cabins ready for the guests in the coming weeks, he couldn’t help but feel a niggling sense of guilt. He kept tamping it down of course.

It wasn’t until mid-day that the vet came around that Rowan was finally able to turn his thoughts in different directions. They had two pregnant mares in the stables that year which was the biggest concern Rowan had. They’d both foaled before but there was still plenty of room for things to go wrong. Besides them, there were six other horses to be looked over. It was usually a two-day affair, especially when weather got a little dodgy, but the vet seemed confident they’d finish up by the end of the day.

While the vet was in with Farasha, Rowan realized he hadn’t seen Aelin for a bit. He might have had his misgivings about her, but she’d proven herself to be responsible and attentive in all her recent duties. Even if she didn’t like horses.

Rowan glanced around the main floor of the stables before heading to the back stalls where the two pregnant mare’s were settled. It was the warmest part of the large barn with the largest stalls. His boots scuffed in a bit of hay as he went and he almost missed the soft voice talking to the horses.

Diana and Hessina, thankfully got along alright. Sometimes pregnant mares could get a little feisty with each other, but the two had been inseparable when they’d been born the same season almost six years ago now. Rowan remembered the day.

He stopped just outside Hessina’s stall and what he saw made him question just about everything he thought he knew.

Standing in Hessina’s stall with a set of brushes and other items was Aelin. She carefully ran a curry brush over Hessina’s coat in methodic movements. All the while she continued to talk softly to the mare.

“Alright, mama,” Aelin said, “let’s get you cleaned up. You deserve it don’t you? Especially before baby gets here, huh? Look at you so pretty standing here for me.”

For a minute, Rowan thought he’d wandered into an alternate reality. In all the months of her being on the ranch, Aelin had never approached one of the horses so willingly. She’d kept her distance from the barn and the animals beside the pig and the goats. He’d never have expected her to spend time with any of the horses, let alone grooming them. And doing so with obvious practice and ease.

“I thought you hated horses?” he found himself saying.

Aelin froze. It was the first time he’d ever caught her off guard.

“I never said that,” she replied. She traded out brushes and ran a shedding blade over Hessina next.

“You’ve never spent more than a minute with any of the horses in all the time you’ve been here,” Rowan said.

He entered the stall and grabbed a brush to use on Hessina’s mane. Somehow, no matter what he or any of the stable hands tried, the long hair always got tangled even if they were careful to brush it the day before.

“That doesn’t mean I hate them,” Aelin said. Her voice was soft, lilting in that way she’d used when she was addressing Hessina specifically. “Not when they’re such pretty girls.”

Her long fingers ran over Hessina’s sides, pausing over the swell of the mare’s belly. It seemed as though she knew exactly how to handle a horse. Or at least where to massage a pregnant mare’s muscles effectively or how to run a flat brush over the coat to leave it gleaming. Truth be told, he’d never seen Hessina looked as relaxed as she did now under Aelin’s ministrations. No matter what Aelin said, she was a natural.

Rowan tugged at Hessina’s mane with as much care as he could. But he noted the twitch of her ears.

“Sorry,” he murmured, knowing he’d pulled too hard. He glanced back to Aelin. “Seriously, you’ve never spent this much time with the horses before. You know how to care for them. And you can make a decent knot. I thought you were a city girl?”

Aelin shrugged, walking to Hessina’s other side. “I am a city girl.”

“No.” Rowan shook his head. “There’s more to you than that.”

They stood across from each other now, more or less. And Aelin wouldn’t meet his gaze as she brushed out Hessina’s other side. Her lips thinned and Rowan knew she was thinking deeply on something.

“I used to read all the horse books I could,” she finally said, “made my mom buy them all for me. I had a whole bookshelf devoted to them. And then I grew up.”

Her hands paused, fingers grazing over a few stray bits of Hessina’s mane. A stray thought took her mind far away from that place. Far enough that she stopped brushing entirely. Hessina took offense to that and nickered, dipping her head back towards Aelin.

Chuckling, Aelin reached out and scratched the mare’s nose before she continued brushing.

“What about you, Whitethorn,” she asked, blue eyes sparking with delight as she finally looked at him. “Were you always in a horse boy phase or did it come suddenly?”

He rolled his eyes. “I grew up on this ranch, it’s all I know.”

Aelin paused at his words. She looked as though she wanted to something, but the words were lost on her. Instead, she shook her head and nodded at his work.

“You’re making that worse, aren’t you?”

“No,” he said defensively.

No matter what he said though, Aelin came over to take a look at the work he was doing on the mane.

“A girl’s pride is in her hair,” she said, whether to him or Hessina, Rowan had no idea.

He could only watch as Aelin took over detangling and brushing. Her hands were soft as she tugged and brushed. Occasionally she would murmur something and give the mare an affectionate pat on the neck.

What he didn’t notice was how close he and Aelin were standing, not at first. But the second he realized it; it was all he could think about. He could feel the warmth radiating off of her and he could still smell the lemon verbena of her shampoo in her hair. Even with the bit of sweat and dirt that lingered on her skin.

There was something about watching the methodical way she worked that was mesmerizing. Nothing seemed to frustrate her as she went even when something didn’t detangle immediately or if she had to make a bigger mess in order to get things right. She would only hum under her breath and continue.

“Do you—” she began to speak and spun almost directly into him. She made a small noise of surprise and stumbled just a bit before Rowan reached out to steady her. “Hell. Sorry.”

She blinked up at him with those bright blue eyes and he noticed a ring of gold around the pupils adding to that light that always seemed to illuminate her.

Gripping her arms, he waited until she regained her footing before slowly pulling away.

“You good?”

Aelin nodded; mouth parted slightly as though she were about to say something.

The illusion shattered when Lorcan called out from the main stable.

“Whitethorn, get out here!”

It was probably better that way—for Rowan to leave Aelin there. She turned back to Hessina and kept talking with those soft words and gentle inflections. Whatever spell had been over them was long gone. Though that was for the better. Rowan didn’t need to get close to Aelin. Not now.

So, he tried to forget about the last ten minutes and went to help Lorcan with whatever it was he needed.

…

When she was eighteen, Aelin had her first serious crush.

It was different than all the other little sparks she’d ever gotten before. It was different, new, and completely reckless. Oh, she’d never acted on it, not exactly. And maybe it was better that way. Because in the coming year (and several years after) Aelin would come to realize that boys, men, would never treat her well. Especially not the ones that had country written into their bones.

So when she came to Whitethorn ranch at the beginning of the summer, she’d told herself it was for the experience. It was for the work she loved. It was for the kids who needed help.

And then there was Rowan.

They’d clashed the entirety of their working relationship and Aelin really didn’t know how she’d lasted as long as she did. And here she was now, on the brink December and the New Year right around the corner.

She sighed and straightened the small room designated for her at the main house. Rowan had let her off for the two days leading up to the main camp days when Lysandra and Aedion would be arriving.

The room was the next biggest aside from the master suite that Rowan slept in. With its own bathroom and the large window that overlooked the back western side of the ranch with the mountains in the distance—Aelin loved it.

It was already decorated with a few things of the Whitethorn family. A few black and white photos from the early days, hand embroidery frames, and a few porcelain figures in the inlaid shelving. It was simple and homey and for whatever reason, Aelin didn’t feel the need to change anything. Except for the piles of books and a few pictures of her own family.

As she straightened things up, and prepared the bedroom across the hall for Lys and Aedion, she couldn’t help but think of the last few days with Rowan.

She didn’t know how it was possible, but they hadn’t killed each other. There weren’t even any attempts. Sure, their words held just as many barbs as before, but it felt different. Or maybe she was just hoping there was something different.

For as much as she complained about how small Oakwald was and how difficult working on the ranch and the therapy work here was--she wanted to make this home. She wanted this to be a place she could put down roots. Here, no one knew her past. No one knew who her family was. No one knew every little detail about who she was other than simple being Aelin.

Her phone started ringing at the same time a series of honks echoed from the front of the house. Grinning, Aelin answered the phone already knowing who was on the other line.

“Are you here?” she demanded.

“Bitch, what do you think?” Lysandra said on the other line. In the background Aelin could hear Aedion: stop honking the horn, Lys. She knows.

“I’ll be down in a second,” Aelin chuckled.

She flew from her room and down the stairs of the house. She barely bothered with the slippers waiting by the front door before she threw the front door open.

The SUV hadn’t even come to a full stop before the passenger door opened and Lysandra got out. Her long dark hair hung loose and she wore a simple gray sweater and jeans. She screamed when she saw Aelin and ran across the yard toward her.

Aelin met her halfway, pulling her friend into a hug.

“I’ve missed you so much!” Lysandra was saying as she continued to hug Aelin. “It’s been so boring without you.”

“I’m sorry I left you alone with Aedion,” Aelin teased. She pulled back, grinning.

Aedion huffed as he came around the SUV. His blond hair, so similar to Aelin’s, long enough to just barely fit into a low tie, his handsome features slightly distorted with a scowl.

“I love you too, Aelin,” he said, trying and failing to hold his disapproving look.

Aelin launched herself at her cousin. It had been a while since they’d seen each other between work and distance. But she was grateful he had chosen to come and help both her and Lys.

“You do love me,” she insisted, “I introduced you to your wife, after all.”

Aedion pulled back with a roll of his eyes. “Yes, I’m forever in your debt.”

“I know,” Aelin said seriously. She then turned and linked arms with Lysandra. “C’mon, I’ve got a room ready for you.”

Her friend didn’t immediately follow through, instead turning in the cold morning air, taking in the sweeping blue skies and acres and acres of land surrounding them.

“Seriously, Aelin, where are we? This feels like a step out of time.”

She’d thought the same thing when first arriving. “It’s better in summer and you're not freezing your butt off.”

Indeed, during the winter the sun could be out and bright and happy like it was now, but it was still cold enough to want to literally crawl into a fireplace and never come back out like some sort of dragon.

Aedion offered to get the bags, letting Aelin and Lysandra head up to the house.

“So,” Lysandra said as they went to the kitchen. “Where’s Rowan?”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “He’s at the stables finishing things up.”

“But he’ll be here later?” Lysandra pressed; one brow raised.

“Yes.”

“And you’ve been sleeping under the same roof and nothing’s happened?” Lysandra scoffed and accepted a proffered glass of water.

“Please, Lys, he’s my boss. And an ass.” Aelin turned to find snacks or something else to offer while her cheeks flushed at Lysandra’s words.

“Mm-hm,” Lysandra hummed with obvious doubt. “I’ve looked him up, he’s hot.”

“Lysandra!” Aelin spun on her friend who let out a cackle.

“You should see your face,” Lysandra laughed. “You know I’m right.”

“He’s made my life miserable,” Aelin said, “and, like I said, he’s an ass.”

“Right.” Lysandra merely sipped her water and sighed. “You keep saying that.”

Much to Aelin’s appreciation, Aedion entered the house, bags in hand. She left Lysandra in the kitchen and showed Aedion to the room she’d set up for the two of them. It was the one room just a little more isolated than the others, but that just made it feel a little cozier. Which she didn’t think they’d mind.

From there, the rest of the day was relatively nice. Even with Lysandra’s continued teasing about Rowan. Thankfully, she kept most of it up when Aedion wasn’t around.

Aelin gave them a tour of the house and immediate grounds before heading out to the cabins reserved for the kids that would be arriving in the next several days.

She and Lysandra were able to go over the various activities and group sessions and plan out where each would take place and how transport would work. Thankfully, the main house was a good central point and should the weather stay nice, walking wouldn’t be an issue.

“There’s supposed to be a storm,” Aelin said at one point, “but they’ve been saying it would happen for two weeks now, and nothing. I think it’ll just hit Denver and move on.”

That was the hope. But Aelin wouldn’t let herself worry about a snow storm right now. They had a contingency plan in place, but the weather had been cooperating thus far that she doubted it would be an issue.

Later that night as they were fixing dinner, Aedion broke out his excellent cooking skills with a chicken and vegetable skillet, Rowan finally returned home.

“Welcome back, Buzzard!” Aelin called when she heard the door open and shut. She also heard the way he paused while trying to decide if he could get out of being social. “We just made dinner, come join us.”

Lysandra shot her a look, but Aelin ignored it. Instead, she got an extra plate ready as Rowan slowly trudged into the kitchen.

“This is Lysandra and Aedion,” Aelin said, “Lys founded the group that we’re hosting next week. And her husband, Aedion, is the muscle.”

She didn’t know why she didn’t mention that Aedion was her cousin, but the admission just felt off. Aelin had spent so long distancing herself from her mother’s name and the attention that it got that it just felt natural not to bring it up. Besides, that wasn’t the point of this visit or the event they’d worked so hard on.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Rowan said, he didn’t smile, but Aelin supposed him joining them all for dinner was good enough.

“We’re just running through the week,” Aelin said. She handed him his plate which he accepted. “Is there anything you wanted to talk about with the itinerary I gave you?”

Rowan didn’t answer immediately. He settled in his seat next to her and took a bite of his food, thinking. Or just avoiding talking.

“Nah,” he said after a minute. “Everything looks fine. There’s going to be ten kids in total?”

“Maybe eight,” Lysandra spoke up, “it’s a little hard to get exact numbers right now. Some kids are being shuffled so close to the holidays and their guardians are being…difficult.” She made a disgruntled sort of face. “But I know for sure eight of them are ready to go. The other two we’re waiting on some consent forms.”

It wasn’t anything surprising to Aelin. But they would make the best of it and hopefully all the kids they’d planned for would come.

“There’s plenty of room no matter who chooses to come,” Rowan said, “so that’s not a problem.”

“You said you’re not going to be around on the Friday after Christmas though, right?” Aelin asked. He hadn’t told her why or what he was doing, just that there was business on the ranch that needed taking care of. She thought better than asking for more details especially when he was so guarded about the affair in general.

Rowan paused for a heartbeat in his ravenous eating and Aelin almost wouldn’t have noticed if not for the way his eyes skirted to hers and dipped away just as quickly.

“I’ve got a meeting planned most of the day,” he said, “but if anything goes wrong—”

“They’ll be fine.” Aedion spoke up with a wave of his hand. “If there’s anyone who knows how to embrace chaos to her advantage it’s Aelin.”

Aelin rolled her eyes, passing the water pitcher around the table. “I stole my dad’s truck once and it worked out fine.”

“I’m talking about the time you set off all those fireworks and nearly set the house on fire, but thanks for proving my point.” Aedion grinned at her glare.

Rowan only shook his head from beside her. “What the hell kind of childhood did you have?”

“Normal, perfectly normal.” Aelin said. Desperate to keep the conversation moving and away from any revelation of how she and Aedion were related, she kept talking. “Besides, none of that will be happening this week. I didn’t have time to find any fireworks.”

“Please,” Lysandra said, “you don’t even try not to cause problems. Remember in college you stole that frats keg?”

“Because Archer Finn plagiarized my report on Edgar Allen--you know, he was an ass that’s all that matters.” Aelin had done a lot of questionable things in the name of justice. But stealing that keg was damn near the top of the list considering the fact she nabbed it in the middle of the biggest party of the semester. Truly remarkable. “So it was less of a problem and more karma calling his name.”

“So,” Rowan said, glancing over at her, “you really have been a menace all these years?”

She should have been affronted by his teasing but with the way he was actually smiling with amusement burning in his eyes and the levity of the night—Aelin found she couldn’t be mad. Because here, for this small moment, Aelin wasn’t scared about what the future might hold.

…

Despite the teasing of her cousin and Lysandra, Aelin really did exist best in chaos. She wasn’t at all intimidated when the week officially started for the outreach program. She didn’t even have panicked stress dreams about it either. Everything had been planned out in detail. It was going to be a success.

And everything her friends had done to help make it possible just warmed Aelin all the more. Between all that Lysandra and Aedion did on their end, to Elide volunteering her days when she wasn’t needed at the bar, and Lorcan willfully helping out (through whatever bribery Elide had offered), everything started off without a hitch.

The thing about therapy that Aelin loved the most was the breakthroughs. The understanding that came with trauma and healing. It was often a long hard journey, but it happened. And when you worked with kids? It made the work all the better.

The week wouldn’t be focused on the talk therapy of it all though. Mostly they’d be going on hikes, cooking in the main house, learning about the horses and caring for them, and then a little of the therapy side. This week was about feeling safe and finding joy in an otherwise hard spot of life and Aelin was determined to help offer that bit of peace.

After all the kids arrived, twelve total and ranging from twelve to seventeen years old, everything continued as expected. The kids were paired off closer to their ages into the two different cabins and it all seemed to be working for the best.

Aelin found that two of the younger kids, Evangeline and Luca, were the more hesitant of being there. Despite Luca’s outgoing nature, Aelin could tell there was a bit of worry in his attitude as he always seemed to look to her for approval in any of the activities they did. Evangeline always sidled over to Lysandra. It wasn’t a strange occurrence, just one they needed to be careful with.

Though, if Aelin knew Lysandra like she did, her friend had done work with Evangeline before and was fiercely protective of her now.

“How many s’mores can these kids eat?” Rowan asked one night.

They were having an outdoor campfire with s’mores and other treats while Elide of all people told scary stories.

“Sugar is an essential food group, buzzard,” Aelin reminded him, “especially for teens.”

They stood just a bit away from the fire pit outside two of the cabins, just far enough away to not be distracting. It was Thursday meaning the week would officially finish out on Monday and the ranch would be able to return to its usual winter hours and day to day functions. Aelin was a little upset by the idea, but she was sure Rowan was as giddy as he could be over the prospect.

“I thought that was just you,” Rowan said.

Aelin kicked him with the toe of her boot. If her hands hadn’t been stuffed into the pockets of her coat, she might have flipped him off.

“Ha, ha,” she said.

“Seriously,” Rowan continued, “I’ve seen the stash you think you’re hiding in the kitchen.”

“Chocolate is good for the soul,” Aelin sniffed, “and I recommend the occasional indulgence as a therapist.”

Rowan shook his head, looking out over the fields behind them. A ghost of a smile fell across his lips and even in the flickering shadows of the fire, Aelin thought it was the most beautiful sight.

“Occasional indulgence, sure,” he murmured.

“We can’t all love kale as much as you do,” Aelin said. She’d seen what he came home with from the store. Kale and zucchini and any myriad of health foods.

He only smiled at her and Aelin felt it like a punch to the gut. She had no idea what had happened in the last few weeks, but somewhere along the way the loathing had simmered away to…appreciation? Admiration? Whatever the feeling was, she didn’t know where it came from, but it was here all the same.

“Thank-you for agreeing to this Rowan,” she said, before she could lose her nerve. “For agreeing to let us host this week and letting these kids come here. I know it’s not the most convenient thing. But I know it means a lot to them.”

And me, she added silently.

His smile fell just a touch. “Aelin—”

Whatever else he was about to say was swallowed up by Lysandra announcing it was time to head off to bed. The quiet contentment of the night disbanded as the kids all voiced their complaints and pleads for another story. Apparently Elide’s tales about bloodthirsty witches were all the rage.

But it was well nearing eleven and they’d all been up late enough as it was and Aelin herself was exhausted. They rounded everybody up and had them filter off to their cabins. Elide and Lorcan would serve as chaperones that night, giving Lysandra and Aedion a break.

Hopefully it would put a stop to a small issue growing between Luca and one of the other boys, Aelin didn’t know all the details as Luca refused to talk further about it, but she was worried nonetheless. And even if she wasn’t sure about the idea of Lorcan as a chaperone, Rowan assured her that he was surprisingly good with kids. Aelin decided she would trust Rowan on that front, and let the issue slide. For now.

…

Friday dawned dark and chilly. The sky was full of gray clouds that stretched as far as the eye could see. It made Aelin feel boxed in even if there was still just as much open air as before. But those clouds hung low and didn’t budge.

She tried to not let it bother her, it was bound to happen eventually. And in this area the weather was always changing. By the afternoon there would be a break in the clouds and the sun would return. Or else they’d just get a light skiff of snow.

The day was being treated as a small rest day, of sorts. The kids had helped cook breakfast for everyone, played a few games outside, and they were now headed out to the stables to help build a shed for the goats.

It was less of build and more of a supervision. If the kids wanted to help they could, if not, Aelin had it on good authority the goats enjoyed chasing people as a game. Plus, one of the stable hands that had volunteered to help out was a master sling-shot expert and could take the kids to the side of the barn to practice their skills (on non-living targets).

They got to the stables just after lunch and clean-up. This was going to fill most of the rest of the day and then lead into a few individual sessions with the kids. No one had mentioned that it was Christmas or anything of the sort and none of the kids seemed to be having any major issues. But Aelin wanted to have a chance to talk with them and see if this week had helped them at all. From what she could tell it hadn’t done any irreparable damage, but kids could be excellent at masking their emotions if they really wanted to.

As the building commenced, Aelin took note of Rowan’s truck outside the stables in its usual spot. Beside it was another car, a Tesla of all things. She’d thought Rowan was supposed to be in a business meeting, not at the stables.

She made sure the kids were all occupied doing what they were supposed to, or at least just having fun, before she walked over to where Lorcan was exchanging water for one of the troughs.

“Is Rowan here today?” she asked without preamble.

Lorcan raised a brow and leaned against the fence, balancing the empty blue water barrel beside him. “What?”

“Rowan,” she said, gesturing to his truck. “I didn’t think he would be on the property today.”

Looking away from her, Lorcan ran a hand over his jaw. It was obvious he was trying to decide what to say exactly and that made trepidation rise in Aelin’s throat.

“He’s here, I can’t tell you more than that though.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” Lorcan said, pushing off of the fence, “that you can talk to Rowan about it.”

He walked away then, leaving Aelin to mull over the words that she already didn’t like. She watched him trek back to the stables and a part of her expected to see Rowan walking out as though waiting for that exact moment.

It was foolish, she knew. Whatever worry was gnawing at her gut was unfounded and she didn’t need to get caught up on this.

Aelin forced herself back to where the kids were helping out with nails and plywood, a few had wandered off to stack crates together which the goats started climbing on with ease. She came to a stop beside Lysandra, stuffing her hands into her coat against another stiff breeze. The air smelled cold, if that could even be a scent. But she didn’t know how else to describe that stiff, clean sterility.

“What’s up?” Lysandra asked, leaning into her.

“Nothing,” Aelin replied, glancing one more time at the stables. “Nothing, it’s fine.”

Lysandra didn’t look convinced. She remained quiet though as she returned her attention out to the paddock of goats and kids.

Aelin did her best to try and pay attention to the kids and offer encouragement and commentary where needed, but her mind was elsewhere. Which, she knew was stupid. She shouldn’t be thinking about Rowan and what was going on with him and his “business meeting” if that’s what was really going on. And she shouldn’t even care whether or not it was for business. Right?

A part of her did care though. A part of her wondered what his meeting was about and why he hadn’t gone into detail about it with her. She knew they weren’t technically business partners, but she did a lot of work for him all the same. And the things that she did were specific to the business and therapy modem that Whitethorn ranch was known for. Shouldn’t she be at least a little involved?

Half an hour later, Aelin had almost completely distracted herself until she heard the sound of Rowan’s low voice. She spun towards it, already knowing what she would say to him. But the second she turned it wasn’t Rowan that caught her attention. It was the well-dressed man walking beside him.

Aelin felt her entire body seize up as a cold numbness swept through her. Static crackled in her ears and her mouth went dry.

Because there beside Rowan was the man who had ruined Aelin’s life.

With auburn hair hanging loose around his face and gray suit that never seemed to wrinkle or stain--Arobynn Hamel looked the same as the day Aelin last saw him. She still hadn’t been released from the hospital after the accident, still unsure if she’d be able to walk again, and still unsure what her life would look like. But she’d held on to hope. She’d held on long enough for him to come and place blame directly on her shoulders before sauntering away as though he couldn’t have cared less about what happened to her.

She’d been nineteen then. Nineteen and convinced that he was supposed to be the answer to all her problems. That was the thing about glorifying people when you were a kid, you never understood just what a dangerous game that was.

She tried reaching out for Lysandra, but her friend had entered the goat paddock to help hold a few boards in place. She was alone. Alone and watching the second Arobynn saw her. He immediately made a b-line towards her.

“Well, well,” Arobynn said as he approached. Just as he’d always been, he had that cold arrogance about him. It was the same sort of swagger than everyone in their circles had. The kind of money and stature, that he was better than everyone else around him. He had to be in his mid-thirties now. Though, he didn’t look it. He was just as handsome as ever. “Aelin. What a pleasant surprise.”

Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. Swallow and look past that perfectly charming smile he wore. “Hamel. What are you doing here?”

Arobynn merely smiled, stretching his arms. “You don’t know? Rowan and I are in the midst of a business deal.”

Behind Arobynn, Rowan appeared. He looked just the same as he always did: brooding, stoic, and pissed to hell and back. His green eyes flicked between Aelin and Arobynn, scowl deepening.

Aelin felt the pit in her stomach grow and she swore she was going to vomit. She did her best to remain in control of her emotions as she looked at Rowan.

“What deal, Rowan?” she asked. Though, she already knew the answer, didn't she?

“I’m buying the land,” Arobynn answered before Rowan could. “I’ve been expanding my business, didn’t you know?”

No, she didn’t. Because Aelin had done everything in her power to avoid anything that had to do with Hamel in the last several years.

As though sensing her distress, Arobynn flashed another sharp smile. “I look forward to working with you again, Aelin. Just like old times, isn’t it?”

There was nothing she could say. She couldn’t trust herself not to yell or scream or cry or any combination of the three. That would be showing weakness. And she was not weak.

“I’ll have my attorney look over your offer,” Rowan said quietly, drawing Hamel’s attention again. “We’ll be in contact.”

“Good,” Arobynn said, “I’d rather see this done sooner than later. Whitethorn.”

Without any semblance of pleasantries, Arobynn left them and returned to his car. That stupid silver Tesla that looked like a box and had no business being out on a farm. For all Aelin cared it could go crash in a borough and get waylaid by hay and snow. It wasn’t until the car silently pulled away and back down that Aelin felt her own voice return.

“You’re selling?” It was more of an accusation than anything.

Rowan straightened; arms still crossed over his chest. “Yes.”

“Why?” At least her voice wasn’t shaking. At least she still sounded somewhat in control.

“Because I have to,” Rowan replied, but he looked away from her and Aelin knew that wasn’t the truth of it. “The why doesn’t even matter Aelin, you wouldn’t understand.”

A laugh escaped her. Of course she wouldn’t. Because she’d only been here a few short months, she wasn’t really a part of the life here or any of where the ranch had come from.�� But she’d still put her blood, sweat, and tears into the ranch. She’d wanted to see it succeed, that’s why Rowan had even hired her as a part time trauma specialist, wasn’t it?

“I know enough about this place,” she said, “it’s a staple of the community, of honest good work that no one else does, Rowan. I know that much. I understand that much. That it’s helped more people get unstuck from life than just about any other program I’ve seen.”

He only shook his head, hand running through his hair. The silver locks fell over his brow and for a moment, for one brief moment, Aelin thought she saw a part of him that she could reconcile with. A softer allusion of the hard contours that Rowan often displayed.

“My reasons are my own,” he said firmly. His eyes sparked with anger as he watched her. “And it doesn’t really matter beyond that. I can't keep doing this. And--why do you even care? It won’t even affect you that much. Hamel’s going to keep it as a horse ranch mostly, and agrees with the work going on. I don't think he'd change much. He obviously likes you, so you can do whatever you want.”

Aelin couldn’t hide her flinch. She tucked her arms around her middle more as an effort of protection and hiding than anything else. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Please, Aelin. You don’t need me here,” Rowan said, “this place will do well enough without me.”

“So you’re giving up?” She could only stare at him. This wasn’t the Rowan Whitethorn she’d come to know, the one that she fought with on a daily basis. This was someone else entirely.

“It’s none of your business, Aelin.”

“I’m a part of this ranch, aren’t I? I’ve been here for months, and for what?”

“I never asked you to stick around.” Rowan let out an exasperated huff.

“He’s not a good man, Rowan,” Aelin said. Most of the fight had gone out of her, replaced with dread and pain. “You don’t want him buying this land, your home.”

“He’s rich, what does it matter?” Rowan pressed. “He’ll be able to do more with this place than I ever could.”

Aelin could only shake her head. Yes, Arobynn was rich. Rich enough that he could whatever he wanted, consequences be damned. She tilted her head up just in time to catch a snowflake on her cheek. The small chill was electrifying on her hot skin. Slowly, more flakes continued to fall, fat and thick it looked like the forecast had finally chosen to be right.

“I can’t do this,” she finally said, “I’m going to check on the kids.”

She didn’t wait for Rowan to try and call her back. She didn’t realize until she was entering the goat paddock that she had wanted him to.

…

It wasn’t until later that night as the kids were eating that Aelin had a moment to talk with Lysandra. The snow had picked up and continued to fall throughout the afternoon driving them all inside, which after a week full of activities and being outside continually--it was a welcome break.

They were inside one of the cabins, pizza and soda spread out for the kids to enjoy. Almost everything about the day had gone well. If you didn’t count the Hamel matter. The distraction and reality of what her life was spiraling towards wasn’t the best way to head into individual sessions, but Aelin had learned long ago how to compartmentalize.

Now, she was able to feel a little more relaxed as she and Lysandra were able to sit back while the kids started a terrible round of UNO.

“He’s so lucky I didn’t see him,” Lysandra said around a mouthful of pizza. “I would have kicked him in the balls then dragged his ass around from the back of a tractor, you know I would’ve.”

“I know,” Aelin assured her.

She picked at her pizza, appetite long since gone. All she could think about was the fact that she’d seen and spoken with Hamel. And she’d survived it.

It was strange, being faced with a reality you thought was finally put behind you. But that was life, wasn’t it? You just kept learning the same lesson over and over again. She just wondered what she was supposed to learn this time around.

“Did he say anything to Rowan?” Lysandra asked. “Does Rowan know anything?”

“I hope not,” Aelin said. That would just be icing on the cake.

Her past was a mess as it was. Rehashing it and telling her side of things after someone had already been exposed to the lies of the story—well it wouldn’t do any good.

Still, Aelin didn’t want to think that Rowan knew about what had transpired. Or if he’d think any different about her over it. Most people did when they learned the truth and even if she was mad at him, Aelin didn’t think she could bear Rowan looking at her any different.

The story began back when she was sixteen. Sixteen and in the throes of series equestrian training. And she wasn’t the type to show in the dressage. Aelin was a competitive rider in barrel racing, jumping, and the grittier events. Her former trainer had just moved and who was to fill the position than Arobynn Hamel.

His methods were brutal and his words were cruel. But young as she was, Aelin could only see what he could make of her. And her parents had been none the wiser either.

Even after the drugs and borderline abuse.

Aelin shook off the memories. “It doesn’t matter if Rowan knows or not, does it? He isn’t going to stick around. He made that clear.”

“Are you going to stay,” Lysandra asked. Her voice was painfully soft and Aelin had a hard time meeting her friend’s eyes.

“No. I can’t…I can’t be around Hamel again, Lys.” Aelin set her uneaten pizza aside. “After everything…I thought I finally had a place, you know? That this was a good fit for me. Even if Rowan’s an ass and doesn’t like me. I liked the work.”

“Maybe if you talked—”

“No.” Aelin shook her head, cutting Lysandra off before she could even begin. “Rowan won’t talk it out. He’d just sell the place faster if it meant getting rid of me.”

Lysandra sighed. “I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit.”

Aelin narrowed her eyes. “Whose side are you on?”

Lysandra didn’t answer, instead waving as Elide walked through the door, leaving a blistering trail of snow outside behind her.

“I hope it’s alright to stop by,” Elide said with a smile. She grabbed a piece of pizza and settled between Aelin and Lysandra. “Lorcan’s still finishing up at the stables.”

“Good,” Lysandra said, moving over so Elide had plenty of space. “We need to talk sense into Aelin.”

“I’m not a miracle worker, you know,” Elide replied. She grinned all the same and nudged Aelin’s leg with her foot. “What kind of sense are we talking?”

Aelin groaned, shaking her head. One of the counselors took a few of the kids to the other cabin to prepare for bed. It was nearing that time where they would all turn in. The growing storm outside made the night feel sleepy and dark. Not that Aelin minded. Sometimes a lazy night was just what she needed, especially when she could curl up with a book.

“Lysandra thinks I’m being too hard on Rowan for deciding to sell the ranch,” Aelin told Elide, careful about how loud she spoke. She didn’t want to risk upsetting the remaining kids or the other counselors.

Elide’s eyes widened at the news.

“You can’t tell—” Aelin said quickly. She shouldn’t have even told Lysandra about Rowan’s plans. Even if Lorcan already knew about Rowan’s decision, it was just in bad form for Aelin to be gossiping out it.

“I won’t,” Elide assured her. “I promise.”

What Aelin had done to deserve friends like Lysandra and Elide, she didn’t know. As she tugged on the end of her braid she didn’t know where to begin.

“I know I don’t really have a hand in this ranch or can’t tell him what to do,” Aelin said, “but I’ve put so much work into it that…”

Aelin let her words trail off. Did it really matter what she’d done? He obviously didn’t care enough to listen to her. She couldn’t care. She shouldn’t. Because in the end, she always came out alone.

She was going to tell her friends that she was fine and it didn’t matter when the shouting started from the other cabin.

Back at the main house, Rowan and Aedion were settling everything in for the night. After baking four giant pizzas for the kids (delivery drivers refused to drive all the way out to the ranch and the weather had taken a bit of a chilly turn) they settled in to watch the latest football game.

What he didn’t expect was for Aedion to strike up a conversation.

“You know,” Aedion said as a commercial break started, “I’ve never seen a place like this ranch before, it’s pretty remarkable what you’ve done.”

Rowan really didn’t know if that was true. All he’d done was come in after his grandparents and parents established everything for him. The last few years it felt like he’d barely been treading water. Until the last few months when Aelin had swept in with her binders and her plans and damned conspiratorial smile.

“I haven’t done much,” Rowan replied. Mostly kept everything afloat as best he could. “It’s mostly been Aelin bringing things back to life.”

It really was an apt description of the woman. She was vibrant in the way she approached everything she did. Never did she let anything pass by that was half-hearted or untended. Rather, she made sure it was taken care of properly. It was probably what made the fall season so successful. No…no probably about it, it was what made the season one of the best in several years.

“She does tend to do that, doesn't she?” Aedion laughed. “It’s annoying as hell, because then she thinks she’s always right. Which, I mean, technically she is always right, but she can’t know that. She’d be insufferable if we told her.”

Rowan shook his head in agreement. Though, if he thought about it, Aelin had enough confidence that even if she were wrong about something she would make things work in the end. She had the faith and the sheer force of will to see something accomplished that an obstacle was merely a stepping stone to what she wanted.

“So,” Rowan began, a thought occurring to him as he thought about his own understanding of Aelin. “How do you know Aelin? I never got that story?”

That earned him an amused look from Aedion who sat up straighter.

“She’s an Ashryver, you know,” Aedion said slowly, “as in Rhoe and Evalin Ashryver Galathyinius.”

Rowan froze at the pronouncement and slowly, painful understanding washed over him. “What?”

In the chair across from him, Aedion shook his head, blond hair falling in his face.

“Doesn’t surprise me that you didn’t know,” Aedion chuckled wryly. “She doesn’t use her mom’s name very much, considering...But yeah. Ashryver-Galathynius. We’re cousins, were raised together through just about anything. I was there in all of Aelin’s training when she really got into the horse scene. She was the national champion in racing and show three years in a row until the accident.”

Rowan could only stare blankly at Aedion. He didn’t know how he’d missed the similarities, hell, their eyes were even the same. Why wouldn’t Aelin say anything? Especially when he had given her so much crap about being a city girl. She could have shut him up without any effort.

Though, at Aedion’s mention of an accident, he remembered something vaguely happening in the world of showing and competition. That side of the horse world was something he’d never stayed completely caught up in. Especially not years ago when he’d been so busy with taking the ranch over.

“She was nineteen, it was going to be her fourth year in a row of winning that championship,” Aedion explained, “and she’d put herself through hell for it. She kept herself in the best shape, hardly ate. Was always training. Her trainer—” a sour look flashed over Aedion’s face— “her trainer wouldn’t leave well enough alone and always pushed her further than anyone should go, not at that age. It was never proven, but I’m pretty sure they slipped her drugs and the horse too because they were racing barrels which is Aelin’s best event and next thing you know the horse gets spooked and Aelin goes flying.”

Aedion paused, running a hand over his jaw as he stared into the fireplace. “It’s a miracle she wasn’t paralyzed. Or worse. Arobynn never even got a slap on the wrist for it.”

Rowan’s gut churned in a sickening way. “Arobynn Hamel?”

The dark look in Aedion’s eyes was answer enough.

Rowan remembered all the times in the last several months of how he’d berated Aelin for her lack of knowledge on a ranch, how she shied away from the horses. He’d accused her of so many things that he just hadn’t known about.

“She recovered eventually,” Aedion said, “but I don’t think she was ever the same. She never got on a horse again after that. But she volunteered a lot at various stables back in Terrasen or at those camps for kids with autism, y’know? Kinda like what you do here. And then she got her degree and has talked about applying for a doctorate. Damn. She was always going to become something.”

“I didn’t know, about her past, I mean,” Rowan murmured. His fingers tightened on the drink in his hand, long forgotten in the conversation.

“It’s why she tends to drop her mom’s name,” Aedion said, he shot Rowan a wry smile. “She doesn’t want that to be all people associate with her. Her parents love her, don’t get me wrong, but they always put so much pressure on her. Rhoe and Evalin practically raised me too and I got the same treatment. The Ashryvers aren’t known for weakness.”

If there was anything Rowan had learned in the past week, it was the truth of that sentence. Aelin was so much more than the city girl he’d first thought her to be. Everything she had done in her time on the ranch had been to help the kids and families that came through. She had worked so hard to turn this place into a functioning therapy ranch and she’d done a damn good job at it.

And he’d gone on to sell the ranch.

Not that he really owed the explanation to anyone. Sellene was guilt-tripping him enough as it was. But he’d found the last few months to be more bearable. Somehow. Impossibly. Even with Aelin being as difficult as she was sometimes. But that was what he liked about her. She challenged him. She made plans and got things done. She was fearless.

And he’d gone on to sell the ranch.

The one place she’d said made her feel like she was coming home.

“I need to--” Rowan began, already reaching for his phone so that he could call her.

He didn’t get far though when the front door opened with a loud thud. Rowan was on his feet in an instant, for some reason thinking it would be Aelin. Instead, it was Lysandra and Elide with a very distraught Evangeline. The young girl had tears streaming down her cheeks and snow was still melting in her hair from the storm raging outside.

“What happened?” Rowan demanded, already sensing the trouble afoot.

Evangeline shrunk back into Lysandra, shaking slightly. Rowan doubted it was from the chill. He cursed himself for adding to the girl's distress. If he remembered correctly, Evangeline was in between foster homes as the last place was unsuitable. That scar on her cheek was fresh enough that Rowan could guess what unsuitable meant.

He softened his voice. “Is everyone alright?”

Evangeline squeaked, her hair falling in her face. Behind her, Lysandra made a soothing sound as she gently brushed Evie’s hair back. Her glare cut right into Rowan making it clear what she thought about him.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” Lysandra said, “you’re not in trouble. Just tell Rowan what happened.”

Evangeline sniffed loudly and nodded. “It was Luca. He and Derek got in a fight when we were playing a game and Luca left and I told him not to but—” Evangeline forced a shuddering breath “—but he left anyway out in the snow. So I went and got Aelin and Lysandra.”

“Aelin went out looking for him,” Lysandra finished quietly. She gave Evangeline’s shoulder a tight squeeze. “But it’s turning into a blizzard out there, I don’t know how far either of them will get. We left one of the other counselors to keep an eye on the rest of the kids.”

All Rowan could register in that moment was Aelin is out in the blizzard. It took his remembering that they were all looking to him for answers for him to snap to attention. He turned to Elide.

“Lorcan?” He asked.

“Finishing up in the stables,” Elide said, “he’s probably still there. And probably let her take a horse.”

Rowan doubted that. Even if Lorcan wasn’t fond of Aelin, he wouldn’t let her go out in this weather.

“Try calling him,” Rowan said, “see what he knows.”

When Elide nodded and stepped away, he looked back at Evangeline who was still shaking against Lysandra.

“It’s alright, Evangeline,” he said, “you did the right thing by letting us know what happened. Are you still cold?”

“N-no,” the girl stuttered softly.

Rowan held out a hand to her anyway. “Come have a seat by the fire, I’ve got hot chocolate in the kitchen too.”

Hesitantly, Evangeline accepted his offer. He got her settled in the chair he’d vacated and found one of the many fleece blankets Aelin had left lying around. After wrapping her up, Aedion had his phone out and played a Disney movie to distract the girl.

The adults huddled together in the kitchen while Rowan readied the promised hot chocolate.

“Lorcan said that Aelin took off on one of the mares,” Elide said quietly. She still held her phone to her ear, the call with Lorcan active. “He wants to know if he should go after her.”

“I’ll come out to the stables now, have him wait for me,” Rowan replied. He pulled a freshly heated mug from the microwave and dumped in a cocoa packet. It wasn’t the best but it’s do in a pinch. Besides, knowing that Aelin spent so much time up here there was bound to be whipped cream in the fridge and marshmallows in a cabinet. “I’ll ride out with him.”

Lysandra took the mug from him. “Then go. I’ll finish this. I don’t know about riding horses.”

Rowan looked at Aedion who shrugged.

“I mean,” the other man said, “I know how to stay on.”

“Good enough,” Rowan said. He turned to Elide next.

“I’ll wait at the barn with blankets and flashing lights,” she said before he could get a word out. “Now let's go, the snow is only going to get worse.”

It was more than enough to kick the rest of them into action.

After finding all the spare coats, socks, and blankets they could, they piled into Rowan’s truck and made the quick trip across the drive to the stables. All Rowan could focus on was the snow.

It no longer fell in thick innocuous fluff, rather it had turned to tiny flecks of ice that could cut skin. The heavy wind didn’t help anything either. The weather had quickly dissolved from mediocre to abysmal in the span of an hour. The snow was no longer sticking to the ground, instead billowing in icy white clouds all around them. Any semblance of being on an actual road was lost.

Rowan tried not to let it bother him. He tried to remind himself that Luca wouldn’t get far in this weather. Aelin was an experienced rider…even if she hadn’t been on a horse in nearly ten years. His gut still churned in trepidation and a mild sense of panic set his heart to racing. It was fine.

They reached the barn to find the side door open and Lorcan’s outline waiting with two horses already geared up and ready.

Piling from the truck, Rowan threw on his coat and grabbed the thick goose down parka for when they found Luca. He wrapped a scarf around his face as best he could to protect from the wind.

Aedion had the same idea. He’d also found a hand to pull down over his hair and ears.

“No,” Lorcan said as soon as he saw Elide’s smaller form emerge from around the truck. “Absolutely not. Go back to the main house.”

Had her arms not been full of blankets and spare coats, Rowan expected Elide would have flipped her boyfriend off.

“Make me.” She gave him a look that offered no room for argument and slipped into the stables.

Lorcan turned to Rowan, fury clearly written in his face.

“She’s going to stay back and keep the lights on for when we make our way back,” Rowan told him. “She’ll be fine.”

In any other situation, Rowan was sure Lorcan would have argued further. Instead, he passed off the reins to Goldryn.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” he said. He then turned to Aedion to offer the other horse. Rowan had no doubt a third was already saddled and bridled just inside the doors.

Rowan made no promises as to what sort of decisions he would be making. He merely got one foot in the stirrups and hauled himself up. They’d wasted enough time and he wanted to get out there and find both Aelin and Luca.

“Rowan!”

He turned to see Elide running towards him. She waved an object in one hand, a flashlight.

“Phones will be useless,” she explained. “And I can’t find any walkie-talkies. Morse code, yeah?”

Smart. He accepted the light and clicked it on and off again. “Thanks.”

“Just find them.” Her dark eyes were pleading but nothing else about her smaller stature betrayed any of her worry. When Rowan nodded in assurance, she turned back to the stables. Rowan tucked the flashlight into the front of his coat before finally turning towards the direction he thought Luca would have gone from the cabins.

As the wind picked up and sent another cloud of snow to wash over them, Rowan tensed for a moment before urging Goldryn on. They had some ground to cover before they made it to the cabins. But it had been at least twenty minutes since Luca had run off. Even with the terrible weather, a determined kid on the run could do a lot of damage.

“C’mon girl,” Rowan called, nudging Goldryn into a canter.

He knew this land better than anyone. And he wouldn’t let anything happen to Luca or Aelin if he could help it.

…

Ice cut into Aelin’s skin as she and Farasha continued through the snow. She hadn’t thought to grab a scarf or face covering, hadn’t thought to find a thicker coat. The best she’d grabbed was a thin lap blanket. All she’d heard was that Luca ran off into the storm after an argument with one of the other kids. She would have thought about strangling Luca if she weren’t so worried about him.

“Luca!” she called out, wincing at the cold wind nearly choking her own voice.

She hadn’t even let her own panic take over at the thought of riding again. She’d saddled up the large horse in record time and told Lorcan to ready two other horses for him and Rowan to come search with her. It hadn’t even occurred to her that Rowan may not come, may not care as much as she did. But even if she was pissed off at him, she couldn’t imagine that he would stand idly by when a kid was caught out here in the weather.

Her fingers were stiff as she gripped the reins, grateful at least for that bit of distraction. It had been ages since she’d been on a horse and ridden. After breaking her back in a nasty fall and dealing with the repercussions from Hamel, she had sworn she would never get on another horse. She had sworn she would never return to this life. But here she was because all she wanted to do was help the kids who needed it.

She shuddered and not just from the cold.

The terrain wasn’t terrible, even with the way the rolling snow covered the ground and how dark the night had gotten. Even in the last seven months Aelin had grown used to the land. She’d spent hours walking, running, and just enjoying the ranch. Between walks with the kids she worked with or helping with moving the small herd of goats from pasture to pasture—Aelin felt like she knew the ranch as well as anyone.

Yet, as the wind continued to howl and the snow beat relentlessly against her side, Aelin had the sickening feeling she was getting lost. She fumbled for her phone and pulled up the flashlight. It hardly made a difference, in fact, the light was swallowed up almost as soon as it left the phone.

Aelin bit her lip to keep from cursing. She didn’t want any more cold air in her mouth finding its way down into her lungs.

How long had she been out here? An hour? Two? How long would Luca last with just his pajamas and simple coat?

Beneath her, Farasha grunted. It would only be a matter of time before the horse had had enough and would insist on turning back.

With numb fingers, Aelin patted the horse’s neck. They would find Luca. They had to.

The only logical direction Luca could go from the cabins was the main house. But if he were too embarrassed or upset, he may just go in the opposite direction. But all there would be was darkness. Empty and heavy. Or…or maybe…

Aelin thought back to the first day Luca had arrived and when she’d showed him the old homestead. It was an old cabin that Rowan’s great-grandfather had first lived in upon buying the land. She’d told Luca the same story Rowan had told her: with hardly any money his great-grandparents made that tiny cabin a home until they could till the land and make a living come spring. They’d survived against all odds and used it as a sign of a new beginning.

Spurring Farasha on, Aelin took off for the cabin. Luca had been enthralled by the story, asking question after question, he even asked to visit the cabin a second and third time.

Okay, okay, okay. It was the only thing Aelin could think that wouldn’t send her into a different sort of plummeting thoughts.

Even as the icy wind and sharp snow continued their assault, she told herself that everything was okay.

Aelin was beginning to lose hope, letting the soul wrenching feel of dread rise up within her. It had been too long. There was no sign of the cabin nor of Luca.

This was her fault. It was all her fault.

A flicker in the distance caught her attention. A shadow mingling with the already thickly cloying shadows and manipulations of the storm.

“Luca!” Aelin yelled. As Farasha continued diligently on, the small old cabin came into view and there, trekking towards it was a small hunkered shape. “Luca!”

The shape stopped and Aelin heard a voice in the wind. Hope rose within her, beating against the dread and panic.

“Hold on!” Sensing her urgency, Farasha pressed on, though Aelin could tell it was with reluctance.

It took several agonizing minutes to move the few yards closer to the cabin but they made it. And there, trying desperately to reach the old cabin was Luca.

Aelin let out a string of curses as she slid off of Farasha. She gripped the lap blanket in one hand, keeping it close as she ran to Luca. The boy couldn’t reach out to her, his arms wrapped tight around him. His coat was too thin for this weather, his old boots unlaced. Aelin swore his skin was blue, not just his lips.

“A-a-aelin?” he stuttered, the sound of her name was too soft from his mouth.

Aelin threw the blanket around him. She pulled him against her and wrapped her arms around his middle as she tried to rub warmth into his limbs.

“What were you thinking?” she asked, unable to curb her own panic. “Luca. Luca. Luca.”

The boy trembled against her. He was trying to talk, to apologize, but Aelin kept him tugged against him so tight his words were muffled.

Ice stung Aelin’s eyes as she pulled away and knelt before him.

“Are you okay?” she asked, speaking over the sound of the wind.

He nodded even as his body still shook. Hell.

Aelin drew Luca back against her side. “It’s going to be fine. I’ve got Farasha and we’re going to get back to the house. Everything’s fine.”

She wasted no time in leading Luca to the horse. She boosted him up into the saddle, helping him scoot as far up as he could. Aelin braced herself as she scrambled up on the horse behind him. The motion wasn’t as smooth as it could have been. Combined with lack of practice, cold, and, admittedly, fear, Aelin didn’t let it bother her.

Once settled, she pulled Luca against her chest and reached for the reins.

“We’re alright,” she told him. What else could she say? “We’re going to go back to the house and get you warmed up.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Luca chattered. “I knew I shouldn’t have left.”

Aelin shushed him gently. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

Luca trembled against her chest but fell quiet as he tucked his face into the blanket, she’d given him. The wind had picked up and snow swirled around them. Aelin squinted, trying to keep ice from pricking her eyes. It only made tears start to well and track down her cheeks. In a matter of seconds, she could feel her skin freeze. Aelin dared not blink for fear of her eyes freezing shut. Instead, she tapped her heels against Farasha’s side.

Even with the added load of Luca, the horse surged forward. Aelin had no idea if they were headed in the right direction. All she could do was hope that the horse had a better sense of where they were than she. But with how dark the night had fallen and the increased snowfall, Aelin couldn’t help the panic welling within her. She had found Luca, sure, but that was only half the problem.

Now they had to trek back through the storm to the stables. Aelin guided Farasha as best she could, but the sheets of snow that swirled around them certainly didn’t help.

To ease her own worry, she wrapped an arm around Luca, keeping him close. He was still conscious, which was good. She tried asking him questions to make sure he stayed that way but after a few rounds of feeling like her throat was freezing and Luca’s continued shudders--she stopped.

Come on, she thought to herself. She was strong enough to do this. Strong enough to get Luca back safely. Even if no one else thought much of her--she could see this through.

And then what? She’d be out of a job. Likely forced to move back to the city and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to stay here either if what Rowan said was true.

If Arobynn Hamel took over the ranch Aelin knew she couldn’t stay. Hamel was cruel to say the least. Vindictive, arrogant, abusive. He had pushed Aelin beyond her limits and was the reason her life had changed forever.

She wanted to hate Rowan for what he had planned. But how could he have known? She never talked about her past as it was. It wasn’t even any of his business if she did leave.

Damn him. Damn him for giving up on this place in the first place. And damn him for making her think that she almost had a home here.

A shiver rolled through Aelin’s body. How could she still feel the cold? Everything was numb at this point. She didn’t even know how she could remain upright in the saddle, let alone hold the reins. But the cold had settled in so deep that it was simply an extension of who she was now.

They passed by a fence post that Aelin didn’t recognize. Or did she? Was it the one along the easter paddock? That meant they were near the stables right?

The top of the post only had a thin layer of snow on top, the barbed wire extending along to the next post already had icicles forming.

As if sensing her unease, Farasha moved a little faster. But, really, there wasn’t much the horse could do. Not in these conditions.

Aelin tilted her face up to the sky, as though that would do anything. All she could see was the mass of snow and ice continuing to fall. The gray sky overhead a mass of terror and pure power. Never had she felt so insignificant until that moment. She was a small speck in comparison to the universe overhead.

She dropped her head again and stared forward, willing herself to see some chance of hope.

There was nothing. Nothing but white. Nothing but gray. Nothing but--

A flash of light.

Aelin straightened in the saddle and stared at where she’d seen the flash. She hadn’t imagined it. She couldn’t have.

There it was again!

A quick flash followed by a longer one. The flashes continued in somewhat the same manner, like morse code.

Aelin’s fingers were too stiff to try for her phone. She would have dropped it before managing to get it unlocked. All she could do was guide Farasha towards the light. Aelin had never learned morse code beyond SOS. But she’d been out on this land plenty of times and she knew there weren’t any strange flashing lights around. And these flashes seemed too deliberate in any case.

It was the only reassurance she could hold on to. That and keeping Luca in one arm.

Another few minutes passed on until Aelin could hear a voice on the wind. She didn’t register it at first, but it was familiar. The shout came again; long and steady.

“Luca! Aelin!” Their names were drawn out into multiple syllables but it was someone shouting for them.

Not just someone. Aelin would have recognized that voice anywhere.

The flashlight beam grew stronger the closer they got and Aelin could soon make out a shape sitting astride a horse.

“Rowan,” she whispered, more to herself than anything. Because who else could it be. “Rowan!”

It was only a minute later that had Goldryn loping toward them with Rowan. He still had the flashlight in one hand, beaming brightly against the night.

“Aelin!” he yelled. He drew in close, close enough to grab her shoulder.

The flashlight helped illuminate him enough that Aelin could see the taut lines of his face, his eyes wide in panic. The scarf around his lower face had fallen away and snow was building up in the creases. But it was him. He was here, staring at her like she was the greatest damn thing he’d ever seen.

“We’re fine,” she said, loud over the storm. “But we need to get Luca warmed up.”

Rowan dropped his gaze to the boy who was still pressed against Aelin’s chest.

“Let's go,” he said, “it’s not that far.”

Aelin could only nod as he turned Goldryn and led the way to the stables. Farasha, blessedly brilliant beast that she was, followed without any prompting.

The tightness in Aelin’s chest loosened with each step made. They had made it. It really was going to be alright.

Quicker than Aelin realized, the stables came into view. Bright light from the floodlights broke through the storm and she could see the doors were cracked open just a bit. Two other horses were by the doors being tended to. It took Aelin several moments to realize it was Lorcan and Aedion waiting there. They soon disappeared into the barn, taking the two horses with them.

When Rowan and Aelin reached the stable doors, both men had returned. Lorcan wasted not time in coming to Aelin’s side. He grabbed Luca from the saddle, hauling the boy into his arms and taking him inside. Aelin could only stare after. She had no idea if she could move, let alone blink.

It wasn’t until Rowan appeared in her line of sight that she did blink, miraculously without frozen eyes. She had no idea when he’d gotten off his horse but here he was right beside her. He reached out, one hand going to her side as he gently tugged her off of Farasha.

She fell into him. It was an accident, really. But her body was still numb and she might have been in shock, but she went tumbling off of the saddle in as inelegant a dismount as could be imagined. Rowan’s arms stayed around her, keeping them both upright.

“I got you,” he murmured into her ear. He kept a firm hold on her as she slowly regained her balance.

Somehow, he still had warmth to share. As he kept her tight in his grasp, Aelin could practically feel her own body leeching it off of him. She was desperate to feel anything other than the raging cold threatening to freeze her entire body.

Lorcan appeared in another minute and helped with Farasha, Aedion took control of Goldryn.

Rowan led Aelin into the stables that were already infinitely warmer than the storm outside. There seated on a few bales of hay was Elide, well at work with getting Luca wrapped in a fresh blanket and tugging a hat over his head.

“You’re half frozen,” Rowan said. He kept walking Aelin away from the opened doors of the stables. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Aelin could only stare at him.

The familiar scowl was in place and his brow was furrowed as he worked to get her out of her wet coat. A thin and useless coat, he pointed out. He replaced it by draping a thicker one over her shoulders, holding it in place when she didn’t take it herself.

All she could do was stare at him. He had come for her. He had gone out into that storm and came to find her. Luca too. But with the way he was staring at her and brushing the messy strands of hair from her face--all Aelin could really process was that he was here for her.

“You’re fussing,” she managed to whisper.

“Of course I’m fussing,” he said, incredulity spreading across his face. “Aelin, you’re freezing.”

Of course she was. She’d spent the better part of an hour (more?) searching through a blizzard on a horse looking for Luca. Her entire body shook with cold and a mild panic of what she’d just accomplished.

Rowan tugged the coat tighter around her as he kept talking. But Aelin couldn’t hear what he was going on about. A shrill ringing started in her ears blocking almost everything else out. And then the shivers wouldn’t stop. Her entire body was shaking and it was all she could do to stay on her own two feet before she pitched forward straight into Rowan, vision going black.

…

When Aelin woke, she found herself surrounded by a thick warmth that engulfed her. It was far welcome from the dreams of freezing snow and wind that she’d had all night. Grateful for the thick blankets tucked all around her, Aelin snuggled in deeper, breathing in a familiar scent of pine.

Her eyes snapped open with sudden awareness.

She wasn’t in her own bed.

Pain lanced through her head as she tried sitting up. The sheer weight of the blankets piled on top of her was enough to keep her down though, for at least a minute longer.

What the hell had happened? Her body ached as though she’d run a marathon and she was certain her toes were frozen solid and—

And there had been the blizzard. And Luca. And she’d gotten on a horse and rose out into a blizzard to find him.

That thought alone spurred her on. She shoved the thick quilts aside, pausing only at the patchwork of the top blanket that was a blend of greens and silvers in a pattern she couldn’t quite make out, but it was handmade. She could tell that much.

Aelin then realized that she was in Rowan’s room. If not for the scent of pine and the obvious splashes of green throughout the decoration, then the picture on the bedside table. It was of a boy no more than ten with a shock of silver hair standing on a dock that overlooked a lake. In one hand he held up a fishing line with a giant fish dangling from the hook. Beside him was an older man, his father, who had a proud grin on his face as he wrapped an arm around the boy. And there was another picture of a woman with tan skin and brilliant green eyes smiling down at a bundled baby in her arms.

She was in Rowan’s room.

The thought shocked her enough that she remained seated on the edge of the bed right up until the door opened. Mind still reeling, Aelin could only watch as Rowan himself slowly stepped into the room.

He stopped immediately upon seeing her awake and sitting up. Dressed in his usual attire of jeans and flannel she almost would have guessed she hadn’t been asleep that long. If it hadn’t been for his disheveled hair or the stubble on his chin and cheeks.

“You should be asleep,” Rowan said. He held a cup of water in one hand and slowly walked it over to her, setting it on the bedside table she’d just been examining.

“I was,” Aelin replied, even with the short words her voice rasped with disuse and exhaustion.

Rowan who now stood just before her, his knees brushing hers, reached out and brushed a few messy strands of hair from her face. His fingers were warm against her skin and the calluses rough as they scraped gently along her cheek. The expression in his eyes held something Aelin wasn’t sure how to read. She’d thought she’d gotten decent enough at interpreting Rowan that it unsettled her just a bit.

Instead of the depthless sea of green she was so accustomed to, he was now guarded and hesitant. Compared to his usual assurance and confidence--Aelin was at a loss of what to say.

“Drink this,” Rowan said, filling the silence. He pushed the glass of water into her hands along with a few pain pills and the granola bar. “And eat. The pills will settle better with something in your stomach.”

Aelin set the items aside. “I’m fine.”

“Aelin.”

The warning in his voice had Aelin’s hackles rising. She set her jaw and glared right back at him.

“I’m fine.”

They stared at each other, neither budging. And they could sit there all day for all Aelin was concerned. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep or of any of the other details of her passing out, but she did know she was still pissed Rowan and she would hold out for as long as--

“Please,” Rowan said, voice uncharacteristically soft, “just eat something.”

The breath stilled in Aelin’s lungs. When had she ever heard him say please? It was such a strange word coming from him that Aelin automatically reached for the granola bar and unwrapped it. She took a few bites before swallowing the pain pills with some of the water.

“Happy?” she asked, placing the water back on the bedside table.

Rowan, as expected, remained silent. When he turned aways from her, Aelin thought he was going to give her some peace and quiet, but he was only putting a little distance between them. Which was probably for the best considering Aelin was having a difficult time breathing normally when he was so close. She would blame it on nearly getting hypothermia. That was it.

“Do you have any idea how stupid it was for you to go out like you did?” he demanded. He’d stepped back closer to the window, pale light filtering through the thin curtains to illuminate him enough that Aelin could better see the outlines of his face and the stiff way he held himself.

“I was trying to find Luca,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Get help,” Rowan said, “it was a blizzard Aelin, what if something had happened?”

“Exactly.” She rose to her feet, blinking back the fuzzy blackness along the edge of her vision. She wasn’t going to let him berate her. “I couldn’t let something happen to Luca. He was my responsibility. It’s a miracle I found him at all.”

Aelin waited expectantly for him to say something else. To continue to tell her how stupid she was, how upset he was. That she’d made mistake after mistake.

But he didn’t.

Rowan stood before her, hands on his hips and lips pressed tight together. Silent.

“I wasn’t going to leave him,” Aelin said, and she was shocked to find emotion beginning to clog her throat. “I couldn’t.”

And then Rowan did the absolute last thing she expected. He hugged her.

One moment he was two feet away looking as mad as she’d ever seen him, the next he was pulling her into a bone crushing hug. His arms wound around her, one hand buried in her hair to keep her close. It took Aelin a few seconds to reorient herself but she carefully returned the hug.

Several different questions and emotions swam through Aelin’s head. Most of which dealt with the variety that Rowan was actually displaying affection of one sort or another. He wasn’t a stone wall of silence in that moment but someone who cared. At least, that was how she chose to interpret this display.

“It’s alright,” she found herself murmuring. “Everything’s fine.”

She realized belatedly that the anger she’d felt rolling off of him was actually fear. That he’d been scared for her. She marveled at it really, that Rowan Whitethorn would be worried about her.

Aelin gently eased back, just enough that she could look at him with a bit more clarity. Her entire body was still brimming with exhaustion, she could feel her own tiredness thudding through her bones with every beat of her heart. It was only a small, dull ache though in comparison with the unyielding depths of Rowan’s dark eyes.

She didn’t go far though. The warmth radiating off of him was welcome, feeling almost as though she were back in bed and wrapped in the many blankets. Being so close to him was strange, different. She’d never allowed herself to get so close to him before that now, being held by him--she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so safe and secure.

“Sorry,” Rowan said, though he didn’t release her entirely as one hand trailed softly along her side.

Not knowing how to navigate any of this--Aelin avoided a direct response.

“How’s Luca?” she asked.

“Fine,” Rowan said, “he woke up twenty minutes ago and is perfectly fine.”

“Good,” she said, genuine relief flooding her. “That’s good.”

“We had him and Evangeline stay in the house, Evie stayed in your room,” Rowan went on to explain. “Because the weather was so bad, Lorcan and Elide stayed the night too. They’re with the rest of the kids down at the cabins.”

“Rowan, I,” Aelin began, knowing that she did at least owe him a little of an apology. In part for her recklessness (though they would both know she wasn’t really sorry) and for the way she acted after learning about Hamel.

“Don’t,” he said, quick to cut her off. His fingers dug into her sides grounding her right where they stood. “You don’t need to say anything.”

“I’m sorry,” she said anyways, he gave her an exasperated sort of look that made her smile. “Not about Luca, I stand by going after him, but Hamel. There’s more to that than I’ve told anyone.”

Rowan cleared his throat, eyes flicking away for a brief moment before resettling on her. “Aedion might have told me a little about that. And about…”

He trailed off when Aelin turned away. She didn’t know why she did, why she wanted to ignore her past and lock it back up again where no one, not even she, could find it. But she did. Because she knew how it sounded, how it looked. The spoiled rich girl from the good background with everything at her beck and call falls into a mess of drug use. Even if she hadn’t known about it.

When the backs of her knees hit the bed, Aelin collapsed onto the mattress. She was exhausted anyways and really just wanted to sink back into the blankets and fall asleep. Maybe pretend none of this had ever happened.

“I ended the deal with Hamel,” Rowan said. “Literally just got off the phone with him to tell him I wasn’t selling anymore.”

Aelin felt her jaw fall open as she stared up at him. “You what?”

If there was anything he could have said to shock her, that was it.

“I’m not selling,” Rowan repeated. He looked as serious as he ever did, not a fleck of emotion on his face. It was a strange beauty he held, Aelin thought at that moment. The hard planes of his face, his sharp jawline, and the full curve of his lips—all of it combined together in such a way that nearly stole her breath away.

“Why not?” she whispered. “Not to him or not at all?”

He swallowed, throat bobbing. Aelin thought it curious, why would he care about this so much to end the deal that, as he’d said, would bring in a great deal of money? And why would he care enough to not want to talk about it further?

“No deal at all,” Rowan said, “my attorney’s processing a formal citation for it now.”

“Why?” she asked again. Why did she care so much? Was it her own love for this ranch that has somehow developed over these brief few months? Was it no more than the desire to know that Hamel was getting screwed over?

This time when he came towards her, Aelin didn’t move. She only watched as he slowly drew closer until once again, his knees knocked against hers. He hovered over her, his broad frame blocking out the light from the window. But he wasn’t imposing, wasn’t a cruel thing engulfing her. It was just Rowan.

“I couldn’t do that to you,” he said. The admission sent shivers running along her arms, racing down her spine. “Not after, everything.”

“Everything,” Aelin repeated, trying hard to ignore the way her heart was hammering in her chest and how her stomach dipped at the low timbre of his voice. “It was the binder, wasn’t it?”

She couldn’t help the teasing words. The binder that had outlined this week of kids coming to the ranch had included a brief plan of continued action to take on seeing more progress made for various revenue opportunities for the ranch. Really, Aelin hadn’t expected Rowan would read much into it.

Rowan snorted a soft laugh, head tilting up as though he were looking to the heavens for help.

“Yeah, I guess that was it.” His words weren’t convincing. Not even in the slightest. Especially not when Aelin saw that small spark in his eyes, the way he was so close yet still so far. And Aelin, despite everything that had happened, wanted him closer. Rowan, she knew, was too chivalrous and wouldn’t do anything to push her over whatever line they were toeing.

She reached up, fingers grazing the hem of his shirt, the fabric soft against her skin.

“I told you it was—” Aelin never had the chance to finish teasing him further when he swept in to kiss her.

It was a soft brush of his lips against hers, barely anything at all. And still it made her breath catch, caused goosebumps to race over her skin. She arched into him, eagerly seeking out of his touch. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had made her feel so wild in her own skin.

Rowan cupped her cheek with one hand as he drew her closer. The deepening kiss nearly drowned her. He paused only once, hovering before her in a silent question. Aelin responded by fisting her fingers in his shirt and dragging him to her. His lips turned insistent against hers, drawing a small sound from her throat.

In all her time at the ranch, Aelin had never known Rowan to be so gentle or careful. But the way he treated her as though she were something to be cherished, something to be loved—it had her heart seizing in her throat.

She wanted more, needed more, and given the way Rowan’s hands ran through her hair and down her sides she knew he did too.

Which, of course, was when a soft knock came at the bedroom door.

“Aelin?” It was Lysandra come to check on her.

She and Rowan broke apart, putting just enough distance between them. There was no guilt or regret in Rowan’s eyes, rather a promise just for her.

Aelin straightened, adjusting her mussed shirt. “Come in.” She reached for the half-eaten granola bar and started to finish it off, just so she could have something to do with her hands and maybe detract from what she and Rowan had been up to.

The look on Lysandra’s face said she wasn’t convinced. She raised a brow, fixing her look solely on Rowan before turning to Aelin.

“I told him not to bother you,” she said.

“I was already awake,” Aelin said honestly.

Lysandra hummed, her mouth curving into a smirk. “Sure. Well, there’s a real breakfast downstairs. And Luca wants to thank-you in person for finding him.”

“Thanks, Lys,” Aelin said.

Her friend waited a moment longer before turning to leave. She left the door open behind her.

Aelin waited until Lysandra disappeared down the stairs before she rose to her feet. She was tired and still a bit achy but she knew that if she and Rowan remained up here any longer it would only result in an embarrassing call out. That or Aedion would be sent to collect them. And for her cousin's health and Rowan’s own sanity, Aelin thought it best not to avoid the inevitable.

Automatically, she reached out for Rowan and took her hand in his. She laced their fingers together and gave him a small squeeze.

“I never did thank-you,” she said, stepping closer to him, willing to snatch just one more moment.

Rowan arched a brow. “For what?”

“You came to find me,” she said, “even after everything.”

His face softened and Rowan brought their clasped hands up between them, brushing his lips across her knuckles.

“I’ll always come if you need me,” he promised.

Aelin smiled, unable to help it. For the first time in ages, she felt a small bit of joy begin to kindle deep in her chest. Where once it might have scared her, now it was a welcome feeling, one that she would keep close deep within her.

“C’mon, buzzard, before she sends Aedion up to get us.” She tugged him to the door with her so they could join the fray awaiting downstairs for them.

And over the next few days, Aelin wouldn’t know what the future would bring. She didn’t know if anything would happen between her and Rowan or if this was some strange moment shared together. She didn’t even know what would happen with her career.

What she did know was that she wanted to fight for it, whatever may come.

…

Epilogue—Six Months Later

It was the howling of a dog that woke him at six in the morning, not his usual alarm. At first, Rowan was keen to ignore it and instead try to fall back asleep. But the dog howled again, mostly out of need for attention than anything else. He rolled over in bed, one arm reaching out to the warm body beside him.

“Your child is calling,” he grumbled.

Aelin cursed from where she was tangled in the blankets. “You’re the one that bought her.”

Indeed, Rowan had purchased the dog that let out another howl outside. He’d figured if he were going to keep the ranch, they should have a dog. What he hadn’t planned on was the little demon to end up being almost exactly like Aelin. He should have known.

Snorting a laugh, Rowan tugged her closer, ignoring the way Aelin’s blonde hair was splayed out messily, nearly engulfing him. He wrapped a hand around her waist, keeping her close. She was soft against him; curves and angles fitting perfectly with him. No matter how many times they woke like this, he didn’t think he’d ever get used to it.

Aelin rolled over in his arms so they were face to face and she could hook her leg over his hip. Already she had one hand buried in his hair as she settled down again. Rowan cracked an eye open to watch her.

Eyes closed and a look of contentment on her soft features, Aelin still remained the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. The nightgown she wore was a poor excuse for covering. The thin straps had fallen down her shoulders and left her chest almost perfectly exposed. The hemline rode up far along her thighs. And he was well aware she wasn’t wearing underwear beneath.

He had no idea how they’d come to this point—no idea how he’d managed to not screw things up beyond measure. Given the way they’d started—they by all means should still hate each other. But here they were, tangled together in a mess of limbs.

He realized too late that she’d opened her eyes.

“Staring?” she asked.

“Always.”

Aelin grinned in that delightfully bright way she did. It was enough to strike any man dumb. Taking advantage of his distraction, Aelin swooped in for a quick kiss.

“I’ll take care of the dog if you make me pancakes,” she said, already climbing out of bed.

Rowan, however, had another idea. He snatched a hand out, catching her wrist to pull her back down on the bed. Aelin yelped in surprise, nearly falling on top of him. She caught herself though, one hand braced on the mattress next to him. Golden hair fell around them as a curtain, a tangled, messy curtain.

Leaning up, Rowan caught her mouth in another kiss. This one far more than a simple peck. Aelin sighed against him as one hand trailed along his bare chest, her fingers working in soft caresses at his side.

As he deepened the kiss, Rowan sat up and wrapped an arm around Aelin. He pulled her fully into his lap, fully intending to have a proper morning together when the alarm clock finally went of and that damned dog started another round of howls from outside. Groaning, Rowan tried keeping her close for just a moment longer.

“Sorry cowboy,” Aelin said breathlessly as she pulled back. “Our child is calling. And you’re going to be late.”

She brushed her fingers through with a fond smile before getting out of bed. This time Rowan let her go, though he wasn’t happy about it.

Aelin threw on a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt before she ran downstairs, calling for Fleetfoot the entire way.

In the six months since the blizzard that brought them together, many things had changed. Normally Rowan would have shied away from it all. Change never meant anything good. It meant things would be different, that there was a new reality set forth before him. And, always one to stay the course, he’d never pursued much beyond what he already knew.

But he supposed the change Aelin wrought within him was just what he needed. And not just in keeping the family ranch. But she made him want to be different, to be better.

After he changed, Rowan headed downstairs. Aelin was outside with Fleetfoot, the golden lab that was supposed to be a herd dog but much preferred human company than goats. He watched them through the kitchen window as Aelin threw a ball for Fleetfoot to chase.

The golden sun already illuminated the sky setting everything alight. Spring came swiftly and full of new opportunities. And for once, Rowan didn’t dread it.

Even though he was running behind, Lorcan would kick his ass for it, Rowan whipped up a batch of pancakes and already had a few on the griddle by the time Aelin and Fleetfoot scampered back inside.

Fleetfoot pranced around happily and dashed into the kitchen to make sure Rowan knew she was there.

“Yeah, yeah,” Rowan said as the dog rubbed against one of his legs. “Go ask your momma for treats.”

Aelin instead fixed Fleetfoot’s food dish with the allotted portion of kibble. Though, Rowan knew the dog would get at least one treat before the hour was out.

While Fleetfoot attacked her breakfast, Aelin came and wrapped her arms around Rowan’s middle. She pressed her forehead into his back and sighed as she rested against him.

“You didn’t have to make pancakes,” she told him quietly.

Rowan flipped the few that were on the griddle before turning to accept a full hug. He brushed the escaping bits of hair that flew from her bun out of the way and shrugged.

“I wanted to.”

“Hmm,” Aelin hummed and pressed up onto her toes to kiss him. Chaste and sweet, the kiss still held a lingering promise of what exactly she wanted to do to him. “Well, thank-you. But you should go. Lorcan’s going to be pissy enough as it is.”

“Yes dear,” Rowan said.

He let Aelin take control over the pancakes and grabbed a protein bar from the fridge before heading out for the day. He paused when he reached the door looking back at Aelin as she pulled the batch of pancakes from the heat.

“I love you,” he said.

She looked up, blue eyes dazzling with her smile. “Love you, buzzard.”

The door closed softly behind him as he hurried down the porch to his waiting truck. Beside it was the SUV Lysandra and Aedion had left behind, taking Aelin Audi with them once the snow let up. The chrome silver was spattered with mud and dust looking as though it perfectly belonged where it was. The sight brought a small smile to him.

His truck rumbled down the road to the stables where they would already be preparing for the first spring camp of the season. They were expecting fifteen kids in total with another week planned for the wait-listers that hadn’t gotten in the first time.

The day after the blizzard, Rowan officially terminated any agreement with Hamel that had been talked about, just as he’d promised Aelin he would. They’d faced some backlash, but it was remarkable just what a few loyal names could do to help make things right. Though, Aelin’s own determination in not letting the man have any more control over her said enough.

Now she worked in town at the singular therapy office, providing help to those who wanted. When she wasn’t there, she was at the ranch helping him and continuing to plan and host events for more kids and individuals seeking help and comfort for their traumas and other mental health concerns. Just like she’d always wanted.

Rowan drove past the wide-open field of the ranch his family had called home for over a hundred years. And when he glanced in the rearview mirror at the ranch house fading into view behind him, he hoped that it would remain that way for a few more generations after.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

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naughtyneganjdm · 3 years ago

Text

The Magic of Christmas - Chapter 12

Summary: It's the night of the Christmas Eve party and Y/N has to force herself to make it through the party before finally telling Sam the truth.

Characters: Negan, Y/N (reader), Sam, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35158540/chapters/89978110

Notes: Only one more chapter of this story! Thank you to those of you that put up with it this whole time. I wanted this story done before Christmas, but life caught up with me lol. Thank you to those that read and comment on it! Love ya!

They never say how much work it truly takes to lie. It was downright exhausting. Putting on a fake smile, pretending that you were happy and that everything was okay when everything in the world felt wrong was entirely draining. Y/N didn’t know how she let it get this bad, but it did. Today was supposed to the be night where she finally let Sam know that she didn’t want to get married to him. It was going to take a lot to gain up the strength to do it, but she knew it needed to be done. There was a voice in her head trying to get her to build up the courage to do it. With every fake smile she had to force at this Christmas Eve party at Sam’s aunt’s house, the need to get this over with grew. It was so hard to pretend that things were okay at this point. Lying to so many people, putting up a fake front to hide how she really felt was just grueling at this point. It made her feel horrid. For the most part, she was always a very honest person so this was breaking away at her.

The night before a lot of things became clear for Y/N. It was a strange end to the night. Instead of meeting up with the rest of the group, Negan had snuck Y/N back onto the trail with Princess and Mercer. This time around it was more of a laid-back fun experience that she got to enjoy with her friend. At some point, she thought Sam would have thrown a shit fit, but not once did he. Hell, not even a single phone call. It wasn’t like it mattered to her though. She was with Negan and her best friend. Which surprisingly they got along so incredibly well when it was just them together with no worries of the outside world around them. Her phone was filled with so many goofy, ridiculous photos that ranged from the group of them together, to photos with just her and Princess or just with Negan. They had so much fun together and in those moments, it was the way that it felt like things were meant to be. Even their group photo with the park’s local Santa turned out hilarious. In her opinion at least. They could tell that the rest of the people there weren’t having a whole lot of fun with it because it took a bit to set up. They had done a scene where Negan and Y/N were stealing the pack of presents, Santa was trying to tug the bag away from them while Mercer had the Santa by his foot to try to pull him off. Princess was pretending to help pull Mercer get the Santa away so they could steal the presents. It was fun. It was silly and they all had fun with it. If she was with Sam, Sam would have been way too embarrassed to do something like that. Not that it was a bad thing, but it was fun to be silly sometimes.

By the time they returned to the front of the park, most everyone was gone and they found Sam pouting while sitting on one of the benches to himself. At the time it was hard to even get Sam to talk to anyone. Everything they were saying to him was going in one ear and out the other. It truly felt like she should have been going home with Negan that night so when she returned to the rental with Sam, it was tense. Then Sam woke up this morning and the quiet version of Sam had disappeared. He was the same Sam as before, eager to go to the Christmas party and talking about all the people that would be there. It was weird how fast the switch flipped back to what was normal with him.

This whole party Sam had been taking her from person to person to introduce her to people like it actually mattered somehow in the end. Pretending that she was his happy, doting fiancée that was excited about being engaged was so hard. It made her feel like a terrible person lying like she was. This wasn’t what she wanted and the more time she spent with Sam pretending this whole thing was what she wanted made her want to be with him even less.

Part of her wished she was drinking and drinking a lot, but she didn’t drink a thing tonight because she didn’t want to make it seem like she got drunk and that was what her decisions were based on. This all had to be done with a level head and it had to be a hundred percent her without the influence of alcohol. She just has to push herself through it in order to get what she really wanted at the end of the night.

Sitting by the fireplace most of the night was Negan. He was mostly staying to himself or playing with Emily’s children. Sam described Negan as the life of the party most of the time when they first talked about his father. Hell, she had even seen it herself firsthand when she met him the first night, but not tonight. Everything inside of her wanted to go talk to him, but she couldn’t get away from Sam tonight. He was attached at her hip.

Just a few more hours. It was a repeated slew of words that were going off inside of her head every few seconds. She just had to keep this deception up for a small amount of time. Then it would be all over. Which, at the same time terrified her because that meant never seeing Negan again.

By the time most of the people had left the party, she found herself sitting on the couch with Sam by the Christmas tree in Emily’s living room. They were waiting on everyone to eventually leave because they were supposed to be doing their gift exchange between their family and friends. After that she would talk to Sam outside before leaving with Princess. It was a simple order of things, she just needed to get through this.

Everyone, but Emily seemed ready to end the party. A few people lingered because Emily was eager to gossip and talk about everything. Y/N imagined Emily was the life of the party being able to talk about her nephew getting married. In the morning, everyone would know that this was just a short-lived engagement that was never meant to happen in the first place. When the last person finally left, everyone was stretched out likely exhausted and ready to just end the night.

“Why does everyone look like they are ready to fall sleep?” Emily approached them seeing all of their eyes on her. It was Emily’s family, Negan, Sam, Alden, Enid, Mercer, Princess and Y/N waiting around. “We have to get excited about these presents.”

“I was excited a few hours ago,” Dean yawned from where he was sitting cuddled up to Negan who was sitting near the fire. His little face was smooshed against Negan’s chest and his eyes were tired. It was probably late into the night for him when he sat forward to rub at his tired eyes. “We should have done this gift giving thing in reverse order. The presents first and then the party.”

“The little man does have a point,” Negan agreed with Dean who drowsily pulled himself down to his feet on the ground.

“Does that mean that you don’t want to open your gifts first?” Emily teased watching the excitement flood into the little boy’s face. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Emily insisted on getting the camera before they started. They all let the children go first in opening their gifts. One by one each person would go until they were finished. It made things easier. Sam sat next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders making her feel a bit trapped beneath his grasp, but she wasn’t going to get him to stop for now. Glancing over at Negan repositioning himself on the chair, she found his eyes locking with hers. A grin tugged at the corners of his lips and she felt a warmth flood into her cheeks. That was an immediate response she had just looking at him. Damn, she needed to learn to be less obvious.

“Alright Uncle Negan, you’re next,” Dean eagerly came up to Negan with a package in his hands. His bright eyes were locked on Negan’s when Negan looked around the room to make sure that everyone else was okay with him opening his gifts next. Starting to pull apart the wrapping paper, a dramatic, over the top freaked out noise fell from his throat when he noticed that it was an elf on the shelf. “My elf’s brother showed up the other day with him! Mom said this one was meant for you. Apparently, he wants to watch over you until next Christmas.”

Upon hearing Dean’s explanation, Sam immediately snickered and across the room Y/N saw that Emily was proud of herself with that gift. Negan grabbed a hold of the small toy, dangling it before him with a flustered expression, “Geez Emily, thanks for that. I’ll cherish the little fucker greatly.”

“Uncle Negan! It wasn’t mom that sent him, it was Santa,” Dean giggled when Negan blurt that out and Dean ran to grab the next present for Negan. Setting the doll on the arm of the chair, Negan still kept it close to him so Dean could be proud of his gift. Dean had become the gift deliverer to those that were around the living room. Some of the gifts were simple little things here and there. Since everyone had to buy each person there something small, Princess had gotten Negan a keychain with the letters DBD engraved into it. Upon seeing it, Negan immediately snorted and lowered his head into his palm. “What does that mean?”

“Your uncle was saying he needed a new keychain the other day and I picked him up the first one I saw little buddy. I think it was just the brand,” Princess quickly lied for Negan so he didn’t have to come up with something.

“Thanks Princess,” Negan lifted his hips and pushed the keychain into his back pocket before going back to opening presents.

A few people had gotten him gifts that were related to his favorite sports team. Sam had gotten him a canvas photo of one of their Christmas pictures with Lucille. It was probably the sweetest thing Sam had actually done in days. Another one of Emily’s children had gotten Negan a present that was a Christmas costume for Buddy to wear.

“This one is from Y/N,” Dean announced making her lift her head to watch Negan opening the gift.

When she saw him start to pull it out of the paper, she let out a nervous sound, “That one isn’t for you, that was supposed to be for Alden…”

Negan lifted the shirt to show that it was a silly novelty t-shirt that was the body of a bikini clad woman making Negan burst out in laughter once he held it in front of himself. Getting up from the couch, she grabbed the one that was supposed to be his. The night that she put the tags on the gifts after being with Negan at the restaurant must have had her so flustered that she gave labeled the wrong gift. Walking over to him, she handed him over his actual gift that had Alden’s name on it.

“This was actually yours. I clearly put the tags on the wrong presents,” she handed Negan over the smaller package and their fingertips grazed each other’s when he reached for it. “I guess you should take your opened gift here Alden…”

“Fuck that. That’s mine now too,” Negan shoved the shirt beside him making Alden laugh from where he was sitting on the floor with Enid by the Christmas tree. “You gave it to me and I’ve already gotten attached to it. You’re shit out of luck Alden. No Christmas presents this year from Y/N. I’m going to cherish that t-shit for life.”

“I won’t fight you for it,” Alden waved his hand in the air dismissively, small laughs falling from this throat at how possessive Negan already was over that shirt.

“Dad, I didn’t know you always wanted the body of a hot girl,” Sam joked with his father, making Negan snort while he started to unwrap the gift that Y/N had actually gotten for him. When he pulled out the box, he opened the top flap to reach for the coffee mug that was inside. “This truthfully fits you better.”

“It’s my favorite word,” Negan held out the mug to show that the handle of it was shaped like a lower-case f and the rest of the letters ‘uck’ were spelled out on it making him giggle. “Nice.”

“It says fuck,” Dean blurt out. Instinctively Sam reached out to wrap his fingers around Dean’s mouth making Emily shake her head once Dean said it. Dean giggled against Sam’s hand, casually pushing Sam’s hand away. “What? I’m not wrong.”

“You’re not,” Sam chuckled as Emily stepped forward to eye over the mug that was in Negan’s hand. “I just don’t think your mother is going to want you saying that word.”

“Why not?” Dean frowned visibly amused with himself.

“Because you’re too young to be saying that,” Emily corrected her son, stepping forward enough to be before both Negan and Y/N. “Are there going to be any more raunchy gifts that are going to make my son speak dirty words?”

“No ma’am,” Y/N responded with her cheeks flushing over with embarrassment. Leisurely she made her way back over to the couch to sit down. Negan’s hazel eyes were amused while he continued with the last few presents. A few others did their presents until they came to her. When all the attention was on her, she felt awkward. This wasn’t something she was used to for Christmas. So, it made her uncomfortable. The first gift she got was an expensive makeup kit from Emily who she thanked profusely. Dean made her an ornament for the tree and for that she gave him a big hug. There was a box that Dean had dragged over toward her instead of picking it up because it was clearly too big for him. “This one is heavy.”

“This one is from me,” Sam sat up straighter when she started to pull at the wrapping paper that covered the box that her gift was put into. There was an excitement in his eyes for her to see what he got her. When she reached inside the box, she felt the heaviness of the item making her set it in her lap so she didn’t drop it. As it pulled out of the box, she saw that it was a very extensive snow globe. Tilting her head to the side to observe it better, she could see that it was a city that was on a hill. “Turn the knob on the bottom and shake it up.”

Listening to what he said, she wound up the snow globe hearing the music that was playing while a little figurine set of Santa and the reindeer spun around the city that was set up, “I thought it would be nice to have to you know that the spirit of Christmas is always with you and that Santa would never forget you again.”

“It’s…very beautiful Sam,” she acknowledged knowing that it was something that she would definitely keep because it was sweet gesture. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Sam leaned forward to press a quick kiss over her cheek while she carefully put the snow globe back into the original box. Sam helped her set it back down on the ground so she didn’t break it before Dean was returning to her with another box.

“This one is from Negan,” she looked at the nametag on the present. Starting to open it up, she noticed that Negan’s eyes were on her in a much more relaxed manner than what Sam was like. Sam was eager for her to like his present, but the one that Negan had given her he didn’t seem worried about at all. When she opened the box that it was in, she felt her cheeks flush over when she looked down at the sweatshirt that was inside. It was Negan’s favorite sweatshirt that she had taken from his house that first night, but he had taken back. Pulling it out of the box, she felt her face flushing over when the scent of Negan’s cologne filled her lungs. “This is nice.”

“You bought her a sweatshirt?” Emily almost condemned Negan for his choice of gifts thinking it was obviously not one that Y/N would like.

“Don’t you have one like that?” Sam blurt out, looking back at Negan who nodded. Y/N brought the sweatshirt up to her face to smell that Negan had clearly sprayed it with his cologne before giving it to her. She had told him originally how much she liked wearing it. The fact that this was his favorite sweatshirt and he was willing to separate with it to allow her to have some connection to him still said everything.

“Your fiancée is always saying how cold she is,” Negan finally pulled his eyes away from her to look over at Sam who was staring out at him. “The sweatshirt that I had before was the warmest sweatshirt I’ve ever had. So I figured I would get her something to keep her warm.”

Sam didn’t question it, but Y/N knew that Negan was lying to save his ass. She didn’t want to focus on it too long because she knew people would be questionable of her hugging up on this sweater. Folding it back up, she continued through her gifts before finally finishing up. The rest of the people went through their gifts and by the time everyone was done it was pretty late.

“Let’s get all of this to the car,” Sam reached for the gifts, but his cell phone went off making him tip his head to the side. Pulling his phone out, Sam let out an excited breath when he recognized the number. “I need to take this. It’s something for work. Do you mind if we wait a few minutes to put everything in the car?”

“Just give me your keys. I’ll help her take out the presents. I was going to take mine to the Mustang anyways,” Negan explained, bobbing his head in the direction of the front door. “I promise I’ll be careful with everything.”

“Thank you, dad. This is actually for the company,” Sam reached inside of his pocket to pull out his keys. Fumbling to give them to Negan he answered the phone while he stood before them. “Hello? Yeah, this is him…”

“Who the hell calls someone on Christmas Eve?” she muttered letting out an amused breath while Negan reached for her arm to lead her with him toward the front door while everyone else was busy gathering their presents and talking to each other.

“I have something I want to give you. Come with me,” Negan hooked his fingers with hers, only grabbing a few items before leading her outside toward the street where he parked. Y/N could feel her heart hammering inside of her chest. Right now she felt like a teenager that was sneaking off with her boyfriend in hopes of not being caught by her family. “I figured you may like the sweatshirt and it would easier to give you in front of everyone else, but…”

Negan opened up the trunk of his Mustang where a single wrapped present was sitting inside of it making her let out a surprised breath, “Go ahead. Open it. It’s the second part to your present.”

“You didn’t have to get me multiple things,” she watched him lean back against the car to wait for her to open this gift after he set the items that he brought with him into his trunk with the present he had in there for her. Negan gave her a dramatic expression which led her to move for the bow to carefully untie it. This was a decently sized box so she could only imagine what was inside. Tearing into the wrapping paper, she was actually excited to see what Negan could have gotten her that was special enough to keep it away from the rest of the family inside. “I’m glad you actually did this because there was something more I wanted to give you, but didn’t know if I…”

When the box underneath the wrapping paper was exposed, she felt her words come to an immediate stop upon seeing what the present was. Pushing down the rest of the wrapping paper that surrounded the box, she felt a lump growing in her throat and her eyes teared over at the sight of the gift that he had gotten for her.

“It’s a more recent version of it, so I hope you actually still like this one…” Negan announced with a proud smile, his hazel eyes trying to read her emotions. “I went looking for it and I was lucky to find it I guess…”

Reaching down for the box, she lifted it from the trunk and brought it out to see that Negan had gotten her an Easy-Bake Oven. When she told the story about the one thing she wanted all throughout Christmas as a child, she never would have thought that it was a story that would have stuck with Negan like it clearly did. It was a very personal story. One that Sam had made fun of her for since it was the one present she always asked her parents for, but never got. Yet here Negan was gifting her with the one thing she would have loved to have had as a child.

“I know it’s kind of silly to get you this now because you’re an adult and it’s for children, but you never got the one thing you always want and I just you deserved the gift you wanted,” Negan watched her set down the box back in the trunk. Confusion flooded his face when he saw that she had tears sliding down her face. Reaching out, his thumb stroked over flesh to collect the tears. “I’m sorry if I upset you, I just…”

Before Negan could finish his sentence, she tipped up on her toes and claimed his lips with hers to kiss him passionately. Instinctively his arms hooked around her waist while opening himself up to the idea of kissing her. Repeatedly the two of them kissed, her fingertips stroking at the back of his neck. In that moment she didn’t give a shit if someone saw the two of them together. What Negan had done for her was so special compared to what everyone else had done for her throughout her life. It made her emotional. She needed to kiss him. She needed to show him just how much it meant to her. Screw the rest of the world at this point. No one had done for her the things that Negan had in such a short amount of time. When he pulled his mouth from hers, a tiny grin spread over his lips. Pressing forward, he rest his forehead against hers and cherished having her this close to him again. “I take it that means you like the gift?”

“You are the most amazing man I’ve ever known,” she claimed, her eyes still damp from the emotions that he had been able to build up inside of her. Gradually unhooking her arms from his shoulders, she lowered them and reached into the pocket of her jacket to pull out a long slender box. “I was questioning if I should give this to you, but I think…I think now is a good time to do this. Just in case I never see you again after tonight…”

“I hope it’s not the last time I see you…” Negan watched her lower the box down in front of him. The idea of never seeing her again made his chest hurt and he didn’t want to think like that. Accepting the box, his fingers stroked over the velvet box making him chuckle. “You’re obviously not asking me to marry you because the box is too long.”

“Just open it before someone comes out here,” she hushed him, reaching out to place her hands over his and Negan smirked. Flipping open the box, Negan lifted it up to his face so he could look at what was inside with the lights that Emily had decorated her house with illuminating over it. The color drained from Negan’s face when he finally realized what it was. “I’m not a hundred percent sure that it’s the exact same since I only heard you talk about it, but I went digging on the internet. Found a place that sold that and paid a hell of a lot to get it shipped out here immediately…”

“I don’t understand,” Negan stammered, reaching inside of the box to grab the necklace between his fingers. Surveying it over, Negan felt his body trembling. His breaths were broken and even though he didn’t want to find himself this way, he started to get emotional. “I looked everywhere for one of these. Fuck, I don’t…I don’t know how you did it.”

“Well, you may be better at breaking into computers than I am, but I’m pretty good at digging into the internet to find things,” she retorted with a simple shrug of her shoulders knowing that she had found what she thought was the necklace that Lucille had bought Negan that he had lost in the past. “It’s not the one you lost, but…”

With trembling fingers, Negan pulled apart the clasp in the necklace. Shakily, he lifted it up to get it around his neck. There was a moment where he had a bit of trouble getting it clasped back together, but when he did, he let out a loud exhale of breath. Adoration filled his eyes when he made sure that the compass design was centered over his chest. Stroking his thumb over the necklace gave him a moment to admire what she had found for him.

“It looks good on you,” she complimented him, happy that he appeared to like it. This was a good sign that she found the right one.

It took a while for Negan to pull his eyes away from what she had found. When she saw that he was also emotional from what she had gotten him it made her heart flood with love for this man. They knew each other so much better than anyone else did.

“I just…” her words were cut off when Negan reached out to curl his fingers around the side of her neck to bring her close to him. Grasping her jaw between his thumb and index finger, Negan took no time in lowering down to bring their lips together. Pressing her hands in over the center of his chest, she caressed at it and hummed against his mouth.

“You can’t leave,” Negan insisted with a shake of his head, his lips finding hers again knowing that he didn’t want to stop being close to her. “I don’t want you to marry my son, but I can’t lose you. I can’t…”

“Negan,” she pulled away enough knowing that she was desperate to keep kissing him, but she knew they were right outside Emily’s home where someone could see them.

“I love you,” Negan revealed, his eyes nervous when he said that out loud. His Adam’s apple bounced in his throat; his thick eyebrows furrowed while he traced his thumb over her jawline. “I am head over fucking heels for you. I love you so fucking much. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t have a world where I never see you again. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more.”

“You love me?” she repeated his words, her heart now hammering away inside of her chest so much so that it felt like the world was spinning around her. Was she dreaming this part of the night? Maybe she had fallen asleep waiting for them to open their presents and this was all something she made up in her mind.

“I do. You’re perfect. I’m so comfortable with you. You’re fun. You’re sweet. You’re charming. I can talk to you better than I’ve ever been able to with anyone. It’s so easy to open up to you because you genuinely care. You have the biggest heart and you’re…everything to me,” Negan declared, his words blending together while his fingers trembled. “I never thought I would find someone for me after Lucille. Maybe I didn’t want to believe that there would ever be someone else for me, but you…you’re the first person to ever make me feel so many emotions all at once. I love you. I’m a fool for you. You walk into the room and it just lights up. You give me something to look forward to. When I wake up in the morning, I just pray that I get to see you because you are the one thing that makes me happy. Please don’t leave. Please don’t let this be the last time we see each other. You have me wrapped around your finger Y/N and I would do absolutely anything for you. Anything to keep you here with me…even if only for a few more days.”

There was nothing more she could say to top any of that. Tipping up on her toes, she met Negan in another thirsty, passionate kiss eager to have him close to her. For a while they kissed until the sound of someone clearing their throat was heard making Negan lazily pull his mouth from hers, “Boo, they are starting to move around in there so I would suggest you two give it a break for a moment…”

“Thanks Princess,” she felt her cheeks flush over, stealing one final kiss from Negan knowing that there was so much more she wanted to do and say after this, but this situation was so damn complicated. Reaching for Negan’s hands, she gave them a small squeeze and swallowed down hard. “Keep the Easy-Bake so I will be sure to see you when I come to get it.”

“Wait,” Negan reached for her to keep her with him as he spoke in a whisper. “Do you love me too still?”

“You have to ask that?” she reached out to palm in over the side of his face, cherishing the warm of it against her flesh. “The answer is more than you will ever know. My heart belongs to you. It has since the moment I met you Negan.”

“That’s all I need to know,” Negan pressed a delicate kiss over the back of her hand when she moved back toward the house to grab the rest of the gifts to put them in the car.

It was hard saying goodbye to Negan when they were getting ready to leave. This was supposed to be where she left and went with Princess, but she had to gather herself to actually talk to Sam. When Negan left, she gave him a longer hug than she probably should have, but at this point she didn’t really care what the rest of the family thought of her. It was sad that they couldn’t be truly open with each other because they both had to put up a front. Lie in front of everyone when they both would have rather been with each other. The faster this whole thing with Sam was done, the better.

While the others were still gathering things in the house, Y/N found Sam who was still in the backyard talking to someone about some very obvious business things. Sitting down, she waited for him to finish and when he finally did, he turned on his heel to see her waiting there. The expression on his face was ecstatic and he let out a pleased sound, “You will never believe what just happened.”

“Santa decided that he wanted to invest in your company?” she teased from where she was seated as he approached her.

“Probably better than Santa,” Sam rubbed his hands together, a big smile expanding over his features. “That was a guy that wants to open places in California, Florida, Nevada and multiple places in New York. He liked what he saw. He thinks that this could really be something. It means that maybe my dream of going to California isn’t a boyish dream after all. Maybe after we get married, we can go there and…”

“Sam,” she stood up from where she was, stepping forward to grab a hold of Sam’s hands to hook her fingers with his. “We need to talk. Okay? I am so happy for you. I’m proud of you. Very proud of you. You’ve come so far from where you were when I first met you. You did this. I think you are so incredible.”

“Thank you,” Sam’s dimples sank in while he stared down at her. His thumb caressed over the back of her hand while she stood before him. While he was excited, it was clear by the look on her face that something wasn’t quite right. “What’s wrong?”

“This is harder than I thought it would be,” she cleared her throat, shifting on her feet before him. “I just want you to know this…Sam, I love you. I do. You are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met on this planet and I’m thankful that God brought you into my life. You’re one of my best friends and you’re someone that I never want to picture not having in my life…”

“You know I feel the same way about you,” Sam replied with a firm nod of his head.

“Thing is Sam, I have been thinking really hard about this whole wedding thing and it’s too fast for me. I didn’t even know if I wanted to get married. I know you think it will make you closer to your mother, but…I don’t think I’m the person it’s supposed to be with,” she felt terrible saying all of this, but she knew that it needed to be said. Knowing that something extremely good just happened to him, but she had to top it off with this made her feel so very guilty. But she couldn’t get married to Sam. Not now, not ever. This was the only time she had to be able to tell him this. “This was something that I was thinking about before we came here Sam, but I don’t think…I don’t think the two of us are supposed to be together. I think maybe the two of us were supposed to be just friends. We just didn’t understand that at first.”

“Why are you saying this?” Sam frowned, pulling his hands away from her while he took a few steps back from her.

“Because this whole California dream you had, it was one you made with Jess,” she recalled what Sam’s ex had told her making Sam’s jaw lock up after she said that. “I think I came into your life at the right time and it confused you with how you really felt about me. You thought I was the love of your life, but I think you had already met the love of your life when you were a child. You’re meant to be with Jess. Not me. I was just meant to be here to help you through some of the tough parts of your life.”

“What did my father say to you? I knew he couldn’t keep his mouth shut,” Sam grunted, his hands settling in over his hips while he stared out at her with a frustrated glance. “I swear…”

“This isn’t your father Sam. This is me talking,” she didn’t know why he would bring up Negan when she was saying this. “It’s the way that I saw you look at Jess when we were at the ice rink. You didn’t even notice I was there Sam. The moment that beautiful girl stepped before you, all eyes were on her with you and I don’t blame you for it. Everyone in this town knows that the two of you belong together. Hell, I think even you know it too.”

“So this isn’t about what my dad saw?” Sam grumbled making her face wrinkle in confusion. It was obvious that Negan kept his word and didn’t tell her that he found Sam kissing Jess.

“What did your dad see?” she inquired trying to figure out what Sam was hinting to, but he simply shrugged his shoulders. Reaching for her ring that Sam had given her, she pulled it from her finger and looked it over. “Sam, I would really like for the two of us to still be friends, but…I can’t get married to you tomorrow. I’m sorry.”

“Why wait this long to tell me? The wedding was supposed to be tomorrow,” Sam reminded her, his face full of confusion while she stood holding the ring before him.

“I didn’t want to ruin your holiday completely. I gave you today because I thought you deserved one day of happiness with your family,” she was honest in that sense. It’s why she let it go until today. “I can’t do this Sam.”

“Okay, but it doesn’t mean that you have to give me the ring back,” Sam reached out to nudge the ring back toward her. “We can just take more time. Figure things out.”

“Sam…” she tried to speak up while Sam continued to ramble on.

“I just think maybe we both need some time to figure all of this out so the two of us can…” he continued trying to gather some kind of sense to this whole thing.

“Sam, I don’t want to be with you. I kept trying to tell myself that I loved you and I do, but I’m not in love with you Sam. You are perfect. You are sweet. You are charming. You’re sexy as hell and anyone would be lucky to have you,” she stepped forward to reach for his hands. Pushing the ring into his hand, she felt his fingers curling with hers and she shook her head. “You’re perfect. We’re just not perfect together. It’s been something that was on my mind before we came here. I thought if we came out here together that the two of us could rekindle what I thought was there, but it was this trip that made me realize that we were just supposed to be friends.”

“I bought you out here to try to make Christmas special for you,” Sam uttered making a frustrated sound.

“And it did end up being special for me, but I don’t really think I should go into details,” she confessed thinking of what she really should be saying right now. “I love your family. I think they are great and I’ve had a better holiday spent with them than I have had my whole life. This will always hold a special place in my heart and like I said before…Sam I do love you. I just think you were meant to be one of my best friends.”

“Listen to me, okay?” Sam stepped forward, urging the ring back into her palm making her take in a sharp breath when he did it. “Go with Princess tonight. Think on this whole thing. I’m going to go into the morning acting like we’re still going through with everything. If you wake up tomorrow realizing that you want the same thing you do right now, just come give this back to me. If you realize that maybe you might want something more. Then that’s okay too. In the morning I will be at that gazebo setting things up.”

“Sam, I’m not going to…” she went to say something more, but he reached up to press his fingers over her lips to silence her. Why did he have to be like this? It was like he was holding out hope for something that just wasn’t there.

Sam looked distraught and upset, but when he moved away from the backyard to go back into the house she felt herself on fire. It should not have gone down like this. She didn’t want to see him tomorrow. She wanted to end this whole thing today. This was simply turning out to be so much more complicated than she wanted it to be.

----

Tension flooded Negan’s body while he sat in front of his fireplace trying to play out in his head what he imagined was going down tonight with Y/N and Sam. Did she actually tell Sam that she didn’t want to get married? What was her reasoning? Maybe she didn’t even tell Sam at all and tomorrow he would be having to go to a wedding that he could never support. And if he did that, would he have to interject and stop the wedding from happening? Deep down in his heart he knew that he was head over heels in love with this girl and he couldn’t lose her, but he certainly couldn’t let her get married to his son.

Looking down at the necklace she had gotten him, he spun his finger over the galaxy ball that was there at the center of the charm. When she gave him this it awakened so many beautiful memories that he had from his past with Lucille. This was something that he had looked for forever. It was something that meant the world to him and when he lost it, it absolutely shattered him. After Lucille died, it hurt him even more to know that he didn’t have it. How she managed to find an exact replica of the one he had explained to her was unimaginable. She was magical. All in all, it felt like she was his Christmas miracle. The thing he had been missing in his life that he never thought he would get back.

Glancing up at the clock that was above the fireplace, Negan cleared his throat and knew that it would be way past the time they would have left Emily’s place. Y/N would ultimately be with Princess whether she had broken things off with Sam or not.

Uncomfortably adjusting his body in the chair, he glanced back at Buddy who was stretched out on the couch wearing the costume that one of Emily’s children had gotten for him. It was a Santa suit that was like a little hoodie for Buddy and he was wearing the Santa hat to go with it.

“You think I should call her, right?” Negan blurt out, seeing the way that Buddy’s eyebrows shifted while he looked between Negan and the fire that Negan was sitting in front of. “Then again, she would have called me if she wanted to talk to me…”

A heavy sigh filled the room from Buddy after Negan talked to him. Getting up from the chair he was in, Negan scoot it back toward the corner of the room and then moved before the couch to lower down on the ground before his dog. Getting comfortable, he reached out to pet over the floppy ears taking the time to try to think things out for himself.

“I wonder if she told him,” Negan leaned forward to rest his head against Buddy’s which led the dog to cuddle up closer to Negan. “I have no idea what I’m going to do Buddy. I love Sammy and I know he’ll hate me for falling in love with his girl, but they are no good together anyways. They would never work out.”

There were so many thoughts swirling around in Negan’s mind all at once. There were the negatives of him being in love with Y/N. Those were that he would be absolutely shunned by his family. Sam would hate him. People in town would find out. All of those, but Sam were just minor things that he felt like he could deal with. Until Y/N came into his life there was nothing for him. He was miserable, sad and just floating through life like nothing matter. Then when she came into his life, it was like she brought his heart back to life. Everything felt real and like he was meant to be there for a reason again instead of being punished to suffer this world alone.

The positives of everything was that he loved her. That she was the first woman other than Lucille that he felt like he could bond with. Someone that he had fun with. That he could easily open up to. It wasn’t just the sex either. Yes, that was incredible, but he loved just spending time with her. All of their talks were very important to him. They could be silly, serious, sad and feel all kinds of emotions in their talks, but at the end of the day they were honest with each other. It was something he wasn’t used to. She knew that part of his heart would always belong to Lucille and she was okay with that. In fact she thought it made him even better.

With their secretive gift exchange outside, he knew that they were meant to be together. How was it they had both gotten each other something and, on the side, got such meaningful gifts for each other that actually meant something personal? The last person to do something like that for him was Lucille. Y/N fit so much better with him than she did Sam. Negan saw Y/N for who she was. He loved all she was and wanted to spend as much time possible getting to learn more of it while Sam just wanted to continue with his good luck charm. Sam cared too much about what other people thought while Negan cared about no one at all, except for Sam. That was the one thing that had held them back. Hurting his son was not something that he wanted to do, but breaking his own heart was not something he genuinely wanted either. It wasn’t like he just wanted to have an affair with this girl. He wanted something more with her. Something that they could share with each other.

“I think I need to call her,” Negan finally admitted with a loud sigh knowing that he wouldn’t go to sleep unless he heard her voice or knew what happened. Something had to be done because he couldn’t exactly keep doing this. Reaching for his phone, he heard Buddy lift his head up on the couch behind him when he started to pull up her contact. Something caught Buddy’s attention making the dog’s ears bounce up when he looked over toward the door. “What is it?”

Barking, Buddy stood up on the couch and walked over toward the end of it looking at the door making Negan set his phone back down on the coffee table that was before him, “You hear reindeer out there or something pal?”

Groaning, he pulled himself up from the floor and reached out to pat his hand over the center of Buddy’s back while the dog tilted his head to the side while looking at the door, “Santa is not visiting us tonight Buddy. I don’t know what you’re expecting…”

The sound of a knock on his door was heard making Negan’s right eyebrow arch up. Buddy barked several more times before running to the door making Negan let out a long, shallow breath, “Okay…or not.”

Glancing back at the time, Negan knew that it was way too late for someone to be visiting him. Especially on Christmas. Another knock filled the air making Buddy bark louder this time and Negan hushed him. Pushing back the curtain beside the door, Negan felt his heart skip a beat when he saw Y/N standing outside the door with a backpack over her shoulder. There was a car at the bottom of the driveway that had obviously dropped her off that was waiting to make sure that he let her into his home.

Taking his time, he moved to the door to pull it open. When he opened the door, Buddy was prepared to give another round of barking at the stranger that showed up at his house unannounced until he saw who it was. With an excited pant, Buddy hopped up to greet Y/N who was standing outside in the snow. Her big eyes were staring out at Negan while he grasped onto the door handle watching her attending to his very excited pup.

“What are you doing?” Negan leaned against the doorframe when she lowered down to give Buddy a few kisses to get him to calm down since he was so happy to see her there.

“Well, since I last saw you, I picked up a job as Santa Claus and I was supposed to come here next before I visit the rest of the homes on this street,” she joked, lifting her gaze up to finally take notice that Negan was wearing the onesie that he had told her about a few days ago. Resting at the bridge of his nose was also his thick black framed glasses which made her let out a longing breath. “You’re wearing the onesie and those glasses.”

“I am,” Negan acknowledged, standing straighter to look down at his clothes knowing that these were warm. It was another cold night with a lot of snow so it only made sense to wear them. Then again, he didn’t think he would be getting any visitors tonight. “You know, you’re the sexiest Santa Claus I’ve ever seen coming to my house on Christmas morning.”

“Do you have a lot to compare me to?” her eyebrow arched in curiosity while she played back with him. “I thought you’d really just have a big, jolly, old fat man coming down your chimney.”

“Coming down my what?” Negan snorted making her roll her eyes at his comment. “While I’m open to a lot of things, the original Santa Claus isn’t exactly my type. You on the other hand…”

“Are you going to let her in or what?” Princess’s voice called out from where she was waiting at the bottom of the driveway clearly not enthused with their playing back and forth while they were at the front door. “I’m ready for bed and I want to get out of here before I get stuck in this snow.”

“I’ve got her,” Negan waved his hand out to assure her that it was okay to leave her friend there with him. It made Y/N chuckle when Princess bobbed her head about and pulled into Negan’s driveway so she could turn around. “Merry Christmas Princess!”

“You too Daddy…Negan…” Princess managed to correct herself before she could call him the nickname that she had obviously chosen for him since she had met him. “Call me if you need me Boo.”

“Will do,” Y/N shot her friend a thumbs up before turning back to Negan with a grimace. “I’m sorry she picked that name for you.”

“Nah, I actually kind of like it,” Negan confessed, his thick brows bouncing up when he spoke. It made her laugh when he said it. Tipping his head to the side, he folded his arms out in front of his chest and leaned against the doorframe again. “It’s actually quite the ego booster for someone like me when I don’t have a stick up my ass.”

“Well it was her own decision to call you that,” she pointed out watching Buddy go back into the house to hop up onto the couch. Buddy got comfortable at the edge of the couch so he could lower down and rest his head on the armrest to keep a watch on them while they stayed at the door talking. “But I’m glad you’re not uncomfortable with it now.”

“It just tells me that you have a daddy kink and you think I have a big dick so it’s a god thing,” Negan winked at her. It made her cheeks flush over and, in that moment, it seemed like the snowfall started to get so much heavier above her. “We should probably get you inside and warmed up so you can tell me what you are doing here.”

“That would be nice,” she sighed stepping into Negan’s home when he moved aside for her to be able to get into his doorway. When Negan closed the door, he reached for her jacket to help her get it off her to set it on his coat rack. Reaching for her backpack, Negan allowed her to set it down in the corner of the room. “Thank you for letting me in.”

“You think I would force you to stay outside?” Negan snorted stepping aside to allow her room so she could get out of her boots in order to get comfortable in his home. When she shrugged, he could see that there was a nervousness in her eyes. “You want some hot chocolate to warm up? I can get some started for us.”

“If you want to,” she knew that it was something that he didn’t have to do, but she wasn’t eager to tell him no. Following him to the kitchen she observed him closely while he gathered the items that he needed to get the hot chocolate started. “I talked to Sam.”

“Oh?” Negan glanced back at her over his shoulder while he gathered two mugs for them. One of them was the mug that she had gotten him for Christmas. When she saw it, it made her chuckle out in amusement. Turning on his heel, Negan held it up and offered a great big smile. “This fits me. It’s crazy how fast you just learned who I was.”

“It’s crazy how comfortable we��ve been with each other, but I think anyone who knows you knows that your favorite word is some form of the word fuck,” she teased him, stepping closer into the kitchen while he gathered their hot beverages for them. “It didn’t go as expected with Sam.”

“I’m not surprised to hear that,” Negan groaned to himself not knowing where that was going to lead the conversation since Sam was so stubborn about everything before. It didn’t surprise him that whatever happened didn’t end up going smoothly like they both would have liked. “What happened?”

“Well, I talked to him after he got off the phone and I told him that I loved him, but in a way that a friend loves someone,” she remembered what she had told Sam previously knowing that she did her best to get him to try to understand how she felt. “I brought up how I thought he was still in love with Jess and I thought she was the person that he was meant to be with.”

“And what did he say to that?” Negan handed Y/N over her hot chocolate, urging her to follow him into the living room. They both headed over to the original place they had talked the first time she had been at his home which was to sit on the floor in front of the fireplace together.

“He asked me what you told me,” she repeated what Sam had said to her. It was a strange thing to say considering she had no idea what Negan had to do with things. Well, she knew what Negan had to do with things when it came to her side of things, but not with Sam and Jess. “In fact he thought you said something to me to make me believe that.”

“Well, I didn’t,” Negan wiggled his brow while pointing out the obvious. Yes, he saw Sam kissing Jess the other day, but he never told Y/N about it. It wasn’t his place to do that. He wished that Sam would have told her himself, but evidently his son backed out of that one too. “You came up with that opinion all on your own.”

“I did,” she agreed noticing that Negan was acting differently when she brought up what Sam had said. “What do you know?”

“It really doesn’t matter at the end of the day. It doesn’t change how you feel about things,” Negan maintained knowing that he didn’t want to upset Y/N any further than she may already feel about things. “My son and I just had a talk the other day when you went to the restroom at the park. That’s where I was when I came back to you before we went for another walk around the park.”

“You mean you actually spoke to Sam that night?” she stopped her retelling of what happened tonight in order to find out what Negan may have known that she didn’t. “I thought Sam was missing or with Alden so that’s why we went for another walk around the park.”

“I don’t know,” Negan felt guilty about the idea of being honest about things with Y/N. “I don’t want what I tell you to change your feelings any more or any less about what may happen. Because of the way that I feel about you, I don’t want you to think that I had any say in the way you feel about things or the decisions that you make. I don’t want to pressure you into make decisions you might not want to make.”

“Jesus,” she lowered her head hearing him say that. Sam was kind of full on making her decisions lately so hearing Negan say that made a chill run down her spine. If Negan wasn’t already perfect enough, that line proved he was. Negan reached out to squeeze over her shoulder trying to comfort her. By the look in his eyes he thought there was something wrong with her. There wasn’t. It was just the idea that he was even more perfect for her than she ever thought he was. “I’m not upset, it’s just sometimes the things you say makes me realize how much I actually like you.”

“Oh,” Negan face flushed over with a bit of red. When his dimples sucked in and he lowered down to take another sip of his drink again, she couldn’t help, but be charmed by the beautiful man before her.

“So, what did you see Negan? I think at this point, I kind of deserve to know,” she stated hating to stop the story in order to know whatever it was that Negan knew. “Please.”

“Well shit,” Negan cussed to himself when he saw the way she was staring out at him with those eyes. “You have me wrapped around those fingers of yours. I know you know that. You could tell me to jump and I would ask you how fucking high.”

“Well…?” she waited for him to answer the previous question at hand, her eyes big with curiosity. Sighing, Negan hated to throw his son under the bus, but he already knew that Y/N told him that she didn’t want to be with Sam. The bad thing was, he didn’t know the outcome or the ending of things between her and Sam.

“When you went to the restroom, I thought about how strange it was that Sam hadn’t called us trying to figure out where we were. We had already been gone quite some time so I thought he would be looking for you. I saw your friends so I knew they were back from the ride. I looked for Sammy and I spotted him with Jess, so I went over there to listen to what they were saying. Maybe it was fucking shady of me to eavesdrop, but I did,” Negan informed her of the steps he took while he listened to his son’s conversation with his ex-girlfriend the other day. “Sam was really laying it on thick for Jess. Mentioning how he loved her, but he was confused about his emotions with you because he knew he loved you too. They bickered a bit and then he kissed Jess. It wasn’t just a small kiss either, it was a pretty significant one. Jess ran off upset because that girl seems to like you…”

“And Sam decided not to tell me about it?” she nodded her head knowing that she couldn’t exactly be mad at him for it. She had sex with Sam’s father…multiple times at this point and she didn’t tell him about that either. “What did you talk to him about after you saw it?”

“I told him that he needed to get his shit together. It was clear that he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend. I told him that he was rushing things by trying to get married on Christmas. That he needed to figure out who it was that he wanted to spend his future with. I shared my opinion with him of who I didn’t think he should be with…” Negan held the mug firmly in his fingers, his hazel eyes slowly raising from where they were looking at the fire to meet her stare. “I told him that I thought the two of you weren’t a good couple because he doesn’t love you. He just loves what he thinks you can do for him. I said he couldn’t mention a single thing about you that he actually loves. I told him that the way he asked you to marry him was pressuring you. That even if you wanted to say no that you didn’t have the opportunity. He asked me what I thought a better way to ask you to marry him was…”

“Wow,” she felt a chill run down her spine not realizing that they had such a big conversation. This was something that she would have assumed was something Sam would have talked to her about after they got home that night, but he was completely silent about the whole thing. “What do you think would have been the right ways to ask me to marry him?”

“Well, I told him what I would have done if I was him,” Negan swallowed down hard, setting his hot chocolate beside him on the ground. “You don’t want to hear what I had to say about everything.”

“I actually do,” she admitted knowing that while it was just a silly idea since it would have never happen, but she would have liked to hear how Negan would have done it.

“I told him that he could have taken you around town to experience the magic of it. Then when the city was empty, he could have taken you to the gazebo to ask you if you would marry him there. I said he could have taken you to a restaurant. Cooked with you and after the two of you shared a moment together, he could have asked you then,” Negan thought back to the things that he said to his son knowing that they were all things he would have put together if he was actually asking this woman to marry him. “I told him he could have attempted cooking for you since he knew that you loved it so much and then he could have enjoyed a night with you by the fireplace where he could have asked you there.”

“All of those would have been better choices,” she felt her throat locking up at the suggestions he brought up. In every scenario she could close her eyes and picture that very thing with Negan doing just that. Damn it. Why did she have to meet Sam first? “You weren’t wrong about that.”

“Yeah,” Negan cleared his throat uneasily before reaching for his cup again. In that moment, Buddy let out a frustrated breath and hopped down from the couch. They both watched as the dog moved down the hallway toward the bedroom. Buddy hopped up to push his paws into the door to open it making the both of them laugh. “He’s going to go take my bed. He’s tired and that’s his way of telling me it’s bedtime. I promise you if you walked in there right now, he’s sprawled out across my bed sleeping.”

“He’s a smart dog,” she mused, turning back to Negan while he stared down the hallway where his dog had disappeared.

When she thought about what Negan had been saying, she felt a rush of courage fill her body. Setting her mug down, she reached out to curl her fingers around the back of Negan’s neck to persuade his lips to hers. The kiss surprised Negan at first, but with her fingers stroking over the side of his rough, stubble covered jawline she found him getting used to the loving stroke of her fingers over his flesh.

“Wait,” Negan pulled away with a breathless grunt, his forehead resting against hers before they could go any further with things. “You never told me what happened between you and my son Y/N. I think I need to know how the night ended before we can talk about us at all.”

“I said that I couldn’t get married to him today. That it was too soon. That I didn’t think I belonged with him,” she was honest knowing that she tried to stress that she wasn’t in love with him. “I said I didn’t think we should be together. That we were meant for other things. That he had a dream. A dream of going away to California with Jess and that I couldn’t have that dream with him because it wasn’t mine. I tried giving him his ring back…”

Looking down, Negan noticed that the engagement ring that Sam had given her was no longer on her finger. When she saw that he was looking where the ring once was, she lifted her hand and wiggled her fingers out, “Your son told me to sleep on it. That he thought we could just push the wedding back further if I felt like I was uncomfortable with everything. He insisted I keep the ring, give it the night and in the morning, he would still be setting things up at the gazebo just in case I decided that I wanted to get married to him. Wouldn’t listen to anything else I said because he just walked off. Left the ring with me, so it’s in my bag because I have to face him later again to tell him the same exact thing I told him earlier. I don’t want to marry him. I don’t want to be with him anymore.”

“The kid did the complete opposite of what I told him to do,” Negan frowned thinking back on his conversation with Sam. Yeah, Sam maybe was taking that time to try to figure out if he wanted to be with Y/N or Jess but continuing on with this engagement thing when he didn’t even know who he loved was ridiculous. “I told him he needed to figure out who he loved before he decided that the two of you should get married. I said he was going to ruin all of your lives if he just jumped right into this marriage on Christmas. Yet it seems like he still has hopes that this Christmas wedding is going to happen.”

“Everything he has done in my opinion with this engagement was something I think Jess would have liked him to have done,” Y/N suggested from the things she had learned about Jess. “I don’t know why he continues to try to force me into his life when it’s so obvious that he wants to be with Jess.”

“I wish I could explain it,” Negan reached up to spin the small galaxy ball that was at the center of the necklace she had gotten for him. As her eyes lowered, a smirk tugged at her lips showing that she appreciated the sight of it. “I told you I did this all the fucking time. I can’t control myself.”

“I’m just glad you like it and you weren’t creeped out by the idea of me getting it for you. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to replace your wife or anything of the sort. I just…I want you happy,” she thought about how anxious she actually was at the idea of giving Negan that necklace. Originally, she thought she would just drop it off in his mailbox when she was leaving town. That’s why she didn’t have it wrapped as a present. “I was going to drop it off before I left instead of giving it to you on Christmas, but when you showed me that gift you got me…”

“You know, you think about my happiness,” Negan slid in closer to her after he had finished his hot chocolate and had set aside his cup on the coffee table. Reaching for hers, he managed to set it beside his when he closed the distance between them. “And all I can seem to think about is yours. When I think we both know that what will make us happy is each other. I want to be the first person you bake a brownie with in your Easy-Bake Oven. I don’t want you to leave. Please.”

“I don’t know how this is going to work Negan,” she tremored before him, the warmth of his lips hovering over hers drawing her to let out a hesitant breath. “I want to be with you with everything that I am. I really do.”

“Then that’s all we really need to know,” Negan drew lines over the side of her face, before tracing his thumb over her bottom lip. Sam was a complication that they would eventually have to face, but that wasn’t something that he wanted to worry about right now. “I’m desperately in love with you. Nothing is going to change that. I know how I feel. I don’t need time. I don’t need to hear from anyone else. I know how my heart feels. With my whole body I feel it. You’re in there permanently and there is no getting you out now. I don’t know how I could live without you from here on out. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered meshing her lips up against his kissing him with all the passion that she had. Her fingers sank into his hair to keep a grasp on him. There was a lingering taste of the hot chocolate over Negan’s lips and it made her smile against his kiss. “What are we going to do about it?”

“Let’s worry about it later. Right now, I want to spend Christmas morning with the woman that I love. Let this Christmas at least be special for you,” Negan pleaded with her, his hazel eyes hooked on hers while his fingers brushed through her hair. “Although there is one problem.”

“What’s that?” she got on her knees and crawled in over him, her lips skimming over his to tease him with the idea of kissing him.

“If you don’t kiss me right now, Santa is going to make sure he personally delivers your coal,” Negan chuckled when she fixed his glasses. A happy smile flooded over her features and it was the first one where she didn’t seem worried about sharing this moment with him. Tonight she was free from the conditions of Sam. “I need it or I’m going to die right here and now. So, if you didn’t kiss me right now, I think I would call that murder.”

“We wouldn’t want that,” she hushed him, steadying herself over him when her palm centered in over his chest to balance her weight. Finally lowering down to meet his lips in a heated kiss felt incredible. Negan’s arm hooked firmly around her waist to bring her closer to him causing a gasp to fall from her throat. It drew her lips to part allowing him to take advantage when he pushed his tongue between them. Each flick of his tongue over hers drew chills to fill her entire body. Kissing Negan was one of her favorite things. She couldn’t easily get lost in it. “Negan…”

“Yes?” he growled when his kisses lowered down over her jawline and toward her neck. It made her tip her head back, small whimpers falling from her throat. After depositing wet kisses over her neck, he nibbled faintly at her flesh making her shake beneath his touch.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she felt embarrassed saying it, but she genuinely believed it. Tipping his head back, Negan’s eyes surveyed her over. Reaching up, he cupped her face in his large hands taking his time to bring her to his lips again so he could kissing her lovingly. Knowing that he was okay with her saying that felt so surreal. Her heart was full of happiness and this was by far the best Christmas she had ever had in her life. Negan’s fingers grasped at the bottom of her shirt bringing the material up just beneath her breasts waiting for her to lift her arms for him. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“More than okay,” Negan promised her with a wolfish smile, his eyes full of desire when she finally allowed him to pull the material from her body when she raised her arms. Negan set it down beside them. Watching Negan lower down to deposit soft kisses over her breasts made her purr out while he took his time pampering her. Negan hooked his fingers behind her back in search of the clip in her bra making her lean in closer to him so she could help him. When the material parted and fell down her arms, Negan lifted his hands to palm in over her flesh testing it with his gentle grasp. “Come here…”

Negan got on his knees to reach for a pillow from the couch which drew attention the butt of the onesie that he was wearing making her crack up when she finally saw it. Surprised, Negan looked over his shoulder at her to see what she was giggling about, “Oh, you like the ass, don’t you?”

“I love it,” she gazed over the reindeer that was over the flap that covered his bottom. Teasingly, Negan wiggled his hips to draw her attention to his butt which made their suddenly very sexual moment quite silly. That was what she loved about being with Negan. She didn’t have to go out of her way to impress him. They could be serious during sex, silly or just downright erotic. Everything felt right no matter what was going on with them. “It really fits you.”

“Draws attention to some of my best assets,” Negan let the word linger on ass when she leaned back on her elbows to watch him when he palmed his hand in over his bottom. “I know it’s so sexy. I bet you can barely control yourself looking at it.”

“You’d be surprised to know how sexy I actually find it,” she licked over her lips hearing Negan snort while he reached for the pillow again. Setting it down in front of the fireplace, Negan pat the ground expectantly. “No.”

“No?” Negan repeated what she had said, the expression over his face surprised. “You don’t want to do this?”

“I want you to lay down. You’re wearing the glasses and the onesie. I want to pamper you. It’s my Christmas wish,” she slurred, her eyes dilating with lust when she pulled herself up on her knees. “You can’t deny me what I want for Christmas. Since I saw that selfie you took looking completely disheveled in this very outfit looking the same way you do now, I’ve wanted you this way more than you could ever begin to imagine. So lay down.”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan dragged his tongue dragged out over his bottom lip before getting comfortable on the ground in front of the fireplace. Stretching out his long legs, Negan’s eyes stayed hooked on hers while she crawled in over him. “I take it you want me to leave the glasses on?”

“Absolutely,” she blurt out loving the idea of them. It made a deep rumble of laughter fall from Negan’s throat. Dragging her fingers over the inside of his thigh, up toward his hip and toward the center of Negan’s chest drew him to lift his back up from the ground. An amused smile expanded over his features while she eyed him over. “This buffalo plaid on you…it’s really sexy.”

“You’re fucking adorable,” Negan’s breathing was loud when she trailed her fingers back down to slide them in over the root of his masculinity. Negan’s head tipped back, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat when she outstretched her palm to caress in over his body. “Jesus.”

“You like that Daddy Big Dick?” she muttered out making Negan’s laughter fill the air again when she used the nickname that Princess had given to him. Hearing him laugh like that made her so much more attracted to him. Negan’s smile was irresistible. With those dimples you couldn’t help but smile when he did.

“Very much,” Negan growled lifting his head enough to watch her fingers squeezing over the girth of his body to work at getting him hard through the material of the onesie pajamas he was wearing. “Giving me a hard on in this thing is so cruel.”

“Patience is a virtue,” she skimmed her lips in over his while she continued with her skilled caress over his length. When he felt solid beneath her touch and a wince fell from his throat, she slid her hand up toward the top button of the onesie. “You’re the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. You know that?”

“You stole the words right out of my mind while watching you,” Negan attempted to lift up to kiss her, but her hand forced him back down making him whine. Frowning, he raised his hand up enough to circle her nipple with the rough pad of his thumb. It made her eyes come to a tight close and she bit at her bottom lip. “You’re perfection.”

Getting the first button of the onesie apart, she leaned in to press kisses in over the exposed area of the skin that was there, “You have the cutest freckles over your shoulders. It’s so damn cute.”

Unhooking another button of the onesie drew the material further apart and she pushed it further aside so she could press wet lingering kisses over his right collarbone making Negan hum when she did it. Nibbling tenderly at his flesh, she took advantage of the moment and unhooked another button of the material allowing it to loosen even more over his chest.

Taking her time to kiss over the revealed flesh had Negan’s chest rising and falling heavily. She was drawing this out as much as possible. Getting the fourth button undone that was near the middle of his abdomen made her smile when Negan groaned and lifted his head. It made her look down to see that his body was straining against the material. Turning her attention back to his body that was revealed beneath the material, she tipped in to nibble at the flesh over his chest making him growl out. Peppering wet kisses over his chest, she pushed aside the material of his onesie to kiss over his nipple. Flicking her tongue over it, she circled it a few times before nipping firmly at the flesh.

“Fuck…” Negan breathed out in a long-drawn-out breath. It was obvious that she was enjoying torturing him at this point. With her fingers caressing over his chest and abdomen, Negan found chills running out through his entire body. Her fingers tugged faintly at the dark hair covering his torso before she started to lower her palm further down. Snaking her hand beneath the material of his pajamas, she pushed it down far enough to wrap her fingers around the solid length of his shaft making Negan moan out with the first touch of her warm flesh around his. Lazily tracing her fingers over his thick cock, she knew that she was being a bit of a tease, but she enjoyed watch him squirm. Drawing circles at the underside of his erection where the tip and the shaft met had Negan panting before her. “Please…”

“Look at you begging,” she purred, her eyes locked with his. Pulling her hand out from the material to work on unbuttoning enough of the buttons until she reached the base of his cock was very erotic for her. Crawling in over him better, she started depositing wet kisses over the center of his, down over his abdomen and toward the base of his erection loving the sounds that Negan was making while she did it. Flicking her tongue in teasing strokes at the exposed part of the base made his hips arch up toward her before she dragged a line from there all the way back up toward the center of his chest by flattening her tongue. Negan whimpered when she kept up with her teasing and it made her smile. “What?”

“You’re wicked,” Negan slurred, his eyes narrowing at her but another amused smile flooded his gorgeous features.

“I know,” she winked, giving faint nips at this skin all the way down until she his most intimate part again. Reaching inside the opened onesie she grabbed a hold of his erection to pull it from the material it had been trapped under. A shuddering sound escaped his throat when she lowered down to press tiny kisses over the head.

Circling her tongue in small flicks around the tip had him enthusiastically rocking his hips toward her movements, but she attempted to stop them by pressing her hands into his slender hips to keep him where he was. Wrapping her fingers around the thick girth of his body gave her the confidence she needed while she casually pumped her hand up over his length and back down. Negan’s eyes closed tightly, his chest falling and rising repeatedly. Taking the tip between her lips, she dragged her tongue over the velvety flesh when she lowered her mouth over the first few inches before pulling back. Finding a comfortable pace for herself while bobbing her head over his impressive length empowered her. She had complete control over Negan and the sounds he was making were because of her. With Negan’s fingers stroking through her hair she felt fully alive with this man. He drew something out of her that she didn’t even know existed inside of her.

“Baby,” Negan moaned out, lifting his head to stare down at her pleasuring him. Her eyes were hooked on his, watching his every reaction to what she was doing. “Fuck…that feels so damn good.”

A surprised gasp fell from his parted lips when she opened her throat as much as possible to take him as far back into her throat as she could. It made him hiss out, hooking his fingers into her hair tighter when she did it. When she pulled away from his straining body with a wet sound it made his breathless gasps fill the air. Flicking her tongue at the underside of his cock was driving his body to start to shake and he swiftly pulled his body away from hers.

“What’s wrong?” she saw him taking a moment to steady his breathing.

“This is not how I want this to end,” Negan saw his cock twitching with how excited she had been able to get him with just what she had done to him. Wrapping his own palm around his body, he gave it a few strokes before reaching for her. Pinning her beneath him on the ground had her smiling up at him in a proud way. “It’s like you walked out of my dreams. You know that?”

“I think the same thing about you,” she stammered when Negan got up on his knees. Her eyes centered in over his manhood that bounced with his movements. Tugging the material of her pants down her body, Negan had a bit of trouble at first but she eagerly helped him. When Negan reached for her panties, she found herself nervous. Why the hell was she nervous? They had already been together multiple times in the past, but this felt more official. When Negan had her completely naked before him, he moved in over her and his hazel eyes were staring into hers. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Negan responded, his smile drawing her to relax beneath him. Reaching up she stroked her fingers through the dark curls of hair covering his chest.

“You are by far the best thing I’ve ever had on Christmas,” she anxiously muttered making him smile again which seemed to be a common thing of the night. Looking between them, she reached out to pull his hips in closer to her and leaned back further into the pillow. “Please.”

“Are you comfortable?” he confirmed with her settling himself between her thighs, adjusting their bodies the best way he could while they laid out in front of the fireplace again like the first night they had met.

“I am now,” she pulled him to her so his lips claimed hers. Kissing him was easy. It was something that she could do all the time because she enjoyed it so much. She wasn’t used to kissing someone who was so focused on what she seemed to enjoy. Then again, most people she dated didn’t have a short beard like Negan did so that was a whole new feeling as well. A shuddering exhale fell from her throat when Negan reached down between them to grab a hold of his body to line it up with her entrance. It wasn’t rushed when Negan pushed his hips forward to bring them together. It wasn’t something that he wanted to waste. It was careful, slow and allowing her to feel all of him in depth. With his lips hovering over hers, she could feel the warmth of his breath causing her to have chills throughout her whole body. “Negan…”

Caressing up over the long planes of Negan’s back helped to alert him that she was okay with his movements when her body got used to his size all over again. Taking his time to roll his hips over her, Negan was eager to make sure that they were connected. He wanted to watch her. Listen to her. Make sure that he was experiencing everything fully with her. Her fingers dug into the flesh of his shoulders before lowering again toward his small bottom. The muscle flexed beneath her grasps while Negan thrust his hips up toward her time and time again. Everything was so drawn out and felt incredible. Even better than the first time they were together, but maybe it was because of the fact that now they had connected on such a mental level.

“You are everything I’ve ever wanted and more,” Negan hummed against the side of her neck, kissing over the sensitive areas on her body. “You take my breath away.”

“I love you,” she cried out, turning her head toward him when his thrusts got more powerful. It led her to start rocking her hips into his movements looking for that friction that she would get from it. The way Negan filled her was unlike anything she had felt before and she loved it. It was an addiction for her that she had never experienced with anyone else. Cooing out led Negan to reach for her arms to press her hands down onto the ground beside her head. Negan halted his movements to stare down at her when his fingers hooked with hers to grasp onto them tightly. “So much.”

“I love you too,” Negan insisted meeting her in another round of wet, intoxicating kisses that drew both of them to fall into each other all over again. Their moans, desperate breaths and sweet words continued making them both feel on top of the world while they made love in front of the fireplace again.

Wiggling beneath Negan allowed her to use her strength to roll Negan onto his back so she was over him. It made Negan let out a satisfied breath when she pinned his wrists to the ground making him smile. Controlling the movements for a few moments had Negan a moaning, squirming mess beneath her. Lifting his head, Negan’s jaw flexed and his lips parted while he watched her movements over his body, “You feel so good.”

Pulling himself up into a sitting position, Negan helped her reposition herself over him so he could help her rock her hips over his length again and again. Her left arm hooked around his shoulders, her right grasping tightly to his thick dark hair, “So do you.”

Their movements became more erratic with one another, their loud breaths filling the air when she buried her head against the side of Negan’s neck. Everything inside of her tensed up, her body shaking when she found it hitting that high point she was looking for. Closing her eyes tightly, a rushing liquid warmth flooded her when her orgasm hit her hard. Continuing to power through rocking her body over his, she could hear his moans getting more drawn out. When his winces filled the air, she met his lips desperately knowing that he had hit his release right after she did and she was eager to find herself wrapped up in his arms after their love making.

“God,” Negan breathed against the side of her neck, peppering tender kisses over her flesh while they stayed wrapped up in each other after everything. “I know…I know this is wrong. I know that I shouldn’t even be saying this…”

Lifting her head enough to stare into his eyes, she watched him lick over his lips before shrugging his shoulders, “I don’t want to miss a moment with you. I want to spend as much time as possible with you. I learned when Lucille died that I didn’t want to waste what I had. You have my whole entire heart. When I’m around you, my whole body just wants to shake because you have this effect on me. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know you and being with you. I want to build you up. I want you to see what your worth and know that you are loved. That you deserve nothing but being pampered your entire life. I want you to marry me. I love you.”

“People would never let us do that,” she reminded him brushing her fingers through his wet hair, cherishing the warmth of him still beneath her and inside of her. “We’ve only known each other for a short time and…”

“I don’t care,” Negan shook his head, his thick eyebrows bouncing up. “I’d like to see someone try to stop me from marrying you.”

“I just told your son that I don’t want to marry him. I still have the ring because I have to go to him later…” she rambled watching Negan shake his head. Negan leaned back enough, balancing his weight so he could reach for the spiritual beaded bracelet that he had around his wrist. “You don’t want to get married to me Negan. You might not even know me enough…”

“I know enough…” Negan assured her, holding his bracelet out and he nodded his head. “I don’t have a ring right now, but…if you take this bracelet it can be a prequel for to things to come. You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours. I just know I’m not ready to give you up yet. I know how I feel about you. I know this is jumping the gun and…”

Nervously holding out her wrist, Negan let out a happy laugh when he could see her eyes looking at the bracelet. Hooking the bracelet around her wrist, Negan let out a shuddering breath when he did it. Stroking his fingertips over her pulse point, he raised his eyes to hers and shrugged his shoulders.

“I love you…” Negan whispered when her head lowered to press in over his. Wrapping her up tightly in his arms, he knew that the people around him would be quick to judge, but this was someone that he couldn’t let slip through his fingers. She was barely broken up from his son and Negan had asked this woman to marry him but fuck it…he didn’t care. Not anymore. This was the woman of his dreams and he wasn’t going to let her leave. Not when he already lost someone he loved. Never again.

“I’m scared that I’ll lose you Negan,” she admitted, stroking her fingers at the base of his neck where the wet curls of hair were. “I’ve never felt for anyone the way I do you.”

“You’re never going to lose me,” Negan reached to hook his fingers with hers. There was a scared look in her eyes and he shook his head. “All of me, it’s yours. As long as you’ll have me…you will never lose me. I promise you that. From here on out, I’m yours.”

#Negan #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #negan x reader #The Walking Dead #Negan fanfiction

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moodymelanist · 3 years ago

Note

For the gifts prompt: Nessian having each other in Secret Santa

this is soooooo so cute omfg. because I’m in a silly goofy mood I decided to do white elephant though lolol @nessianweek

“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to get him,” Nesta said into the phone. She was walking around the Velaris Mall on a three-way phone call with her two best friends, anxiously shopping for Feyre’s upcoming holiday party. “What the fuck does he even like?”

“Um… he seems athletic?” Gwyn replied tentatively. “Maybe something related to that?”

“Isn’t the point supposed to be something stupid?” Nesta asked, confused. “I don’t even know him well enough to know what would be a good gag gift.”

Feyre had been dating some guy with a big family for a few months, and they’d decided last week to do a big family gathering to encourage “family bonding,” whatever the fuck that meant. Her youngest sister had even set up White Elephant for the event, Nesta having the unfortunate outcome of drawing Cassian for the game. Instead of playing by the usual rules, Feyre decided to assign people like some kind of demented Secret Santa. Elain had been the only person lucky enough to escape, claiming she and Lucien had to show face at the annual Vanserra holiday gala.

“Hold on, I’ll just ask Mor,” Emerie answered, pulling Nesta’s attention back to the conversation. Nesta waited patiently as Emerie shouted for her girlfriend and asked what Cassian liked, her friend laughing hard as she got an answer. “Oh, that’s good. That’s good, babe.”

“What’s good?” Nesta asked. She stared daggers as a group of teenagers almost slammed into her but managed to get out of the way in time. “What did she say, Em?”

“You should get him lingerie,” Emerie told her. Gwyn laughed while Nesta didn’t know what to say back. Lingerie for a near stranger? That felt far too intimate, even if Mor and Cassian had been friends for years and she supposedly knew him like the back of her hand.

Nesta rolled her eyes even though her friends couldn’t see her. “Does she have anything… tamer?”

“Maybe a sex toy?” Emerie related. Gwyn full-on cackled this time in the background while Nesta fought to keep her face neutral.

“Wait, wait, I got something,” Gwyn said once she’d recovered from her amusement. “You should get him your favorite Sellyn Drake book!”

“Oh, that’s perfect,” Emerie chimed in.

“Okay,” Nesta agreed, finding no reason to argue. It would be funny enough but not so inappropriate that she’d feel uncomfortable doing it. Besides, she thought, she’d be doing him a favor.

———

Two weeks later, Nesta found herself sitting on Feyre and Rhys’ couch, anxiously watching as Cassian reached for his present. Gwyn caught Nesta’s eye and snickered while Emerie loudly wondered what could be inside.

“I wonder what this could be,” Cassian said, picking up the gift and shaking it. “Anyone want to own up now?”

“Just open it,” Mor called out. She gave Emerie a sly smirk as everyone watched Cassian unwrap his present, a confused frown sliding onto his handsome face as unwrapped it to see the back cover of the book.

He instantly turned towards Nesta with a devious smile on his lips. “Nes, did you get me smut for the holidays?”

“It’s a quality literary experience,” Nesta defended herself, but he was too busy laughing to truly listen. The rest of their friends and family chuckled along with him. “It’s not just about sex!”

“No, only the interesting parts,” he replied with a wink. “No wonder you have such a solid poker face. Who knows what you read on that phone of yours.”

“Hey, leave our AO3 habits out of this,” Gwyn exclaimed.

“No disrespect intended,” Cassian reassured the room. “I’m just flattered to have received a Sellyn Drake book. Now I can see what all the hype is about.”

“Maybe you can get some ideas from the book,” Feyre suggested brightly. Azriel choked on his wine and went into a coughing fit, Gwyn pounding his back to make sure her boyfriend didn’t choke. “Oh my God, I meant for romance—”

“I’ll take notes,” Rhys promised from next to her.

“Hey, it’s my book,” Cassian protested. “Get your own guide to smut 101.”

“It’s not a guide to smut 101, there’s a plot,” Nesta argued.

“Oh yeah?” Cassian retorted, grinning. “What’s the book about?”

She couldn’t help but blush furiously. “It’s a book... about a book.”

“Quality argument,” he teased. He looked down at The High Lord Who Loved Me with an even bigger smile once he saw the scantily clad couple on the cover. “I’ll make sure to send you my notes, Nesta.”

#acotar #nessianweek2021 #nessian #Nesta archeron #Cassian #day 2: gifts #moodymelanistwrites #nessian prompts #anon asks

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dustofbrokenheart · 4 years ago

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The Lost Boys: Strip Mall Club

The Lost Boys x Reader

Word Count: 3,928

Summary: Not my usual style, but here’s something silly for April Fools! A Crack AU there the boys all work at the same strip mall.

“Why do you keep such weird hours?” you asked while wiping down the glass display case. The late-night dessert shop, Between the Pies, was owned by your aunt and operated out of Powers Strip Mall in midtown Santa Carla. The shop had been open for about a month with good success.

Too busy with school, you weren’t there for the opening, but once your schedule slowed down, you joined the team, eager to earn a little more cash. Plus, it was family and you’d always gotten along with your aunt.

One quirk with the strip mall was that all of its businesses didn’t open until the evening and stayed open all night long, into the early hours of the morning.

Your aunt shrugged as she organized the register. “It’s part of the leasing contract. The landlord is serious about the strip being a strictly night time operation.”

“I still think it’s weird…I’ve never heard of such a thing,” you insisted.

“You’ll get used to it,” she smiled. “Besides, we haven’t had a problem doing business so far.”

The conversation was left at that when a couple walked in wanting two pieces of pie to-go. You went to take their order and your aunt made herself scarce, retreating to the ovens in the back, giving you space to do your thing.

First order successfully completed, you waved them off with a “thanks” and “please come again.” As they were heading out the door another guy walked in. He was hard to miss with his fluffy blonde hair and black mesh shirt.

He didn’t come up to the counter, instead perusing the cluster of posters on the wall. He was humming enthusiastically but you didn’t recognize the tune. “Hey, mama. Are these new?”

Mama? You didn’t really know what to say. That seemed awfully forward of him.

The silence finally registered with him and he looked like a confused puppy when he saw you. “Wait. You’re not mama.”

You opened your mouth but before you could talk, he was yelling over you. “Hey! Mama! You in the back?”

By that point, you were getting a little annoyed. What kind of person came into a shop yelling, ignoring the obvious uncomfortable vibe? From behind you, you heard someone open the kitchen door. “Paul?”

His smile lit up even more, which you didn’t think was possible until you saw it for yourself. “Mama,” he called out happily, holding his arms open wide.

She walked into his arms to give him a tight squeeze and pat on the back. “How are doing sweetie?”

They chatted as if they were close friends, updating each other about their weekends and admiring the posters your aunt had picked up from L.A. You observed from the sidelines until your aunt drew you in.

“Come here,” she waved you over. “Paul, this is my brother’s kid, Y/N.”

“Hi, baby,” he grinned in that sunny, goofy way. You fought, and failed, to keep your heart from racing when he winked.

“Y/N, this is Paul. He works at the taco truck.”

“Yep, me and my best bud Marko have had her for two years. It’s a blast!” You peered out of the windows to see a large, painted truck parked out front. You hadn’t known that the strip mall had deals with any food trucks. It was a little beat up but very colorful.

Paul puffed up when he saw you checking it out. He even offered to give you a tour. “Come on, come on! Please?” He drew out please as if he was desperate to show you.

You hesitated. After all, you were still on the clock.

Your aunt made the decision for you. “Go on, Y/N, we’ll be fine without you for now. Just make sure to be back within in the hour.”

“O-okay.”

Paul draped his bare arm around your shoulders. His arm was deceptively heavy despite him not being ripped but you found that the weight felt nice. He was also cold. Maybe since he wasn’t wearing a jacket. Your newfound closeness also gave you a good view of his abdomen through the flimsy black mesh tank top. It was a nice view.

He chattered away as you crossed the parking lot and you tried to keep up with the conversation. He was a little much to take in, but he was friendly. You could see why your aunt had taken to him. Meanwhile, the two of you drew ever nearer to the truck.

It was easier to appreciate the paint job up close. The window cover was cracked open, but not propped open all the way. Mouthwatering smells drifted out with the sizzle of grill smoke

An ocean sunset dominated the truck, the base was mainly pink and accompanied by a mirage of other colors: oranges and purples in the sky of the setting sun which transition to neutral tones and blues at the bottom where the sand and water was.

Simply put, it was beautiful to look at and a very artistic portrayal.

It was obviously done by hand but you didn’t mean that in a derogatory way. Whoever did it was definitely skilled.

Paul reluctantly pulled his arm off so he could get the door.

You hesitated. Paul was an experience all on his own and now you were going to meet another new person. Would they be just as hyper? Or would they be incensed that you were interrupting them? Between those two choices, you weren’t sure which was worse.

The uncertainty must’ve been on your face because Paul aimed his million-watt smile at you. “Come on, baby. I promise he won’t bite. Much.”

It wasn’t fair that you could melt so completely with a simple pet name. Being called baby was all it took to get you to climb the small set of stairs leading into the food truck.

“Welcome aboard Frenchie!” he said with flourish, bowing in comical exaggeration.

“Frenchie?” you asked confused. “I thought you said you guys did tacos.”

“And we do. But Frenchie is the truck.” He stroked the pink fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror affectionately. “She’s the best.”

He hadn’t really answered your question but you let it go for the moment. You didn’t want to make him feel bad by pressing him.

A voice from the other end of the truck reminded you that Paul’s friend was there, too. “It’s Frenchie cause she’s a pink lady.”

You considered that. It was true, the truck did have a lot of pink paint. The corners of your lips curled up. The name was actually cute now that you knew the understood the Grease reference. The corners of your lips curled up.

In return, the curly haired blonde smirked behind his gloved thumb. “Oi, Paul,” Paul looked up from the radio he was messing with, “You didn’t tell me you were gonna bring a babe back.”

“I didn’t plan to, honest!” he swore. “I went in to hit up Mama and found them there.”

“She’s my aunt,” you explained lamely. “I just started working with her.”

His eyes tracked over you quickly and normally you would’ve assumed that he was checking you out but he didn’t give you that vibe. It was almost like he was…cataloguing you? That was best way to describe it though it still didn’t seem completely right.

Whatever the reasoning for his stares, you must have passed because he offered up his name. “I’m Marko, head honcho of our beloved Frenchie. Welcome to our—"

“Hey, who said you were in charge? What if I want to be the head poncho?” Paul interrupted, offended.

“Paul,” Marko growled. “I fixed the truck up, I buy the supplies, and I do all the cooking! And it’s honcho, not poncho.”

Paul’s face relaxed. “That’s what I meant. And I guess you’re right about that stuff. Alright, you’re in charge. But I’m the best business partner you could ask for!”

“Noted,” Marko said with a roll of his eyes, although it was clear he wasn’t actually annoyed. “Here, come help me prep.”

You sat on top of one of their freezers to give them room to work. They were definitely violating some staff hygiene health codes (not a hairnet in sight and they definitely hadn’t been washing their hands) but they were fun to watch. Their banter made you comfortable.

The blondes moved together smoothly, joking at times and bickering at others. It was a testament to how familiar they were with one another. Whereas Paul was a puppy, Marko was more akin to a fox: reserved to be sure, but no less mischievous than his friend.

Marko pointed to a section of the grill where Paul was working on some carne asada. “Flip that, it needs to cook evenly.”

Paul did it with no problem and continued telling the story of how exactly he came to acquire the fuzzy pink dice. “Okay, so there was this hot guy at a game stall, so obviously I got in line—”

“I told you to flip that, man,” Marko said again, poking Paul in the ribs with the handle of his cutting knife. “It’s gonna be too well done now.”

Paul elbowed him back on reflex. “I did! And it’s not my fault you didn’t say to flip all of the steak, just that one part so that’s what I did.”

‘You should no the drill by now. Don’t get caught up impressing the babe.”

“Don’t embarrass me, butt munch!” Paul yelled.

The knife stopped dicing jalapeños and Marko tossed out, “Ass wipe!”

At that point you stepped in wanting to avoid a potential argument. “I should get back to the store, I’m sure they could use my help.” That paused the name calling.

“Boo! It hasn’t been an hour yet. Your aunt said you had an hour.”

Even Marko seemed reluctant to let you leave. “Yeah, don’t feel like you have to go. Promise we’ll be on best behavior.”

Somehow, you weren’t convinced the best behavior would last long. And you really should go back. You didn’t want to other employees to think you were getting special treatment because you were related to the owner. Which you kind of were, but you didn’t want to make a habit of slacking off.

Paul snapped his fingers. “Idea. How about I introduce you to everyone else?”

Oh, you’d thought it was just the two blondes who worked in the truck. It seemed a tight space to have much more than two people working at once but who were you to question it.

“Good idea, Paul.” Marko high-fived him. “If they’re working here at the strip, they might as well meet everyone.”

Your protests fell on deaf ears and in a matter of minutes you were once more being dragged by Paul. The guy could be strong when he wanted to be.

“Hold one, I forgot something,” he said suddenly bounding back into Frenchie. You heard him mutedly yell, “Shit stain!” and then a loud crash and some curses from Marko as Paul ran out and returned to your side. “Okay, we’re good to go.”

Fully opening the concessions window, Marko called out to you. “Nice meeting you, Y/N. Come back and hang with us sometime.”

Y/N? You couldn’t figure out why saying your name unsettled you until you realized you’d never told him your name. And Paul had called you baby the whole time so how had he—?

There wasn’t much time to ponder that before you were in front of the store to the left of Between the Pies. You had seen it when you pulled into the parking lot earlier that night but hadn’t paid it much attention. Large, red glowing lights high above the door spelled out, Gnarly.

“Gnarly?” you read aloud with a raised brow.

Paul nodded so fast he looked like a bobble head. “Yeah. You’ll love Dwayne, he’s a cool guy.”

A small bell chimed as you entered. Well, the name was certainly appropriate. Surf boards and skateboards of all colors covered the walls. A familiar Led Zeppelin tune played softly over the store speakers. Some customers quietly meandered through, admiring the different merchandise.

The laid-back energy was definitely a change from the in-your-face liveliness of the taco truck.

“Yo big guy, where are you at?” Paul said in his jovial voice.

You were sure where you expected him to come from, but it surely wasn’t from the floor behind the main counter.

A messy head of wild, dark hair popped up over the counter and turned toward you. Even more surprising than the fact that he had been lying down on the floor was the fact that his chest was completely bared. He pulled himself up nonchalantly, muscles rippling.

You averted your gaze in a late attempt to make sure your ogling wasn’t too obvious.

Not wasting a second, Paul went over and hugged him, slapping the brunette’s back in quick succession. “How are you, big guy? It’s been a while.”

“It’s been two hours,” he replied deadpan.

It wasn’t clear if he meant to come off as funny as he did, but you couldn’t contain the chuckle that broke through your lips. Dry humor was always appreciated. In this case, it was even more comical in that it contrasted nicely with Paul’s personality.

Hearing your choked laughter, his intense eyes lasered in on you, spearing you where you stood. You hoped you hadn’t angered him. Trying to redeem yourself, you waved shyly. “Hi, I’m Y/N. I work next door.”

“Between the Pies?” he said in realization.

“Yep. Y/N is the owner’s family. I’m giving the welcome tour.” Paul’s voice trailed off as his focus shifted to a rack of shelled necklaces on the counter. “These are sweet.”

He ditched you in favor of the shells, turning the jewelry this way and that. The shirtless boy shook his head. Turning back towards you, he stuck his hand out. “Dwayne. The owner of Gnarly.”

You returned the shake, his fingers cold against yours. “Wow! An owner at your age? That’s impressive.”

He rubbed the back of his head. “I’m older than I look.”

You looked him over critically. “Twenties? Thirties?”

“Something like that.” The corner of his mouth turned up slightly, just enough so you knew it was a smile.

Paul had moved to the tees and struck up a conversation with a fellow customer. You browsed the walls and Dwayne followed. There was such a wide variety of both color and design, and you complimented him on successfully running the store.

Then you found a board that surprised you. “Is that Che Guevara? On a skateboard?”

Dwayne followed your gaze to the red and back board that sported the famed image of the Latino radical. He took it down so you could get a closer look.

The paint was smooth to the touch and the design followed nicely. You spun the front wheels with a flick of your finger. “Not many people would be brave enough to display skateboards with Marxist revolutionaries on them.”

“I’m fan of his actually.”

“I can see the appeal. He was a multitalented man, rest in peace.” You handed the board over to him. “He’d probably get a kick out this.”

He took it from you and gently hung it up on the wall. “Are you into politics then?”

“I don’t know if I necessarily identify as a communist or anything, but I find it interesting. Some of their beliefs might even be beneficial to adopt.”

That was all he needed to hear. He took you by the hand and lead you to the far wall. The boards he was interested in showing you were obvious.

“Is that who I think it is?”

“It is.”

An orange board with yellow swirls prominently featured a young Angela Davis, her huge hair unmistakable, in all her glory. At that point you started to notice a few others in the mix. A Red Power Movement logo on one, the image of a meditating Gandhi on another.

“You have quite the collection here, Dwayne. I’m surprised the landlord lets you put these up.”

“Trust me, he’s not a fan. They sell though and that’s what he’s most concerned about. Even if they didn’t I’d still put them up.”

Underneath his stoic manner, there was passion. The interest and determination in choosing these boards made that plain. His many facets made you want to get to know him better. You could’ve talked for hours but it only came out to another fifteen minutes before Paul found his way back to you.

“Ready to head next door?”

You hadn’t even seen the surfboard section but Dwayne probably needed to get back to work and Paul needed to move. Already he was fidgeting in place. Half-heartedly, you agreed. “Bye Dwayne.”

He shook your hand again, lingering with a slow caress to your knuckles. Butterflies which had been dormant during the rest of your time with Dwayne, emerged from their chrysalises and fluttered insistently. “Until next time.”

The tone of his voice stayed with you even after you left. Paul giggled at you and swung your combined hands in between the two of you. “Told you that you’d like him. The big guy is smooth.”

He was right. And he’d been right about Marko. Hopefully, he’d be right about the next one, too.

“Where to next?” you asked in apprehension.

“To the Treasure Trove, duh! I definitely wouldn’t take you to Video Max, that’d be a punishment.”

Video Max was the rental place on the other side of your aunt’s store, the last business in the row of the strip. You’d been there a ages ago with friends. It hadn’t seemed that bad but Paul had a reason for avoiding it, and you’d come to trust his judgement enough.

You weren’t exactly sure what the deal with Treasure Trove was. Unlike the rest of the stores, and the taco truck, this one had all the windows blocked out so you couldn’t see inside from the parking lot. One of the windows did have a display but it was backed by black on all sides. An ornate treasure chest sat opened with glittering things spilling out.

You’d never spared the display a second look but now that you were in front of it, you stopped to examine it. There was plenty of jewelry as you expected, strings of pearls, diamonds, and stones of other colors. They couldn’t have been real stones though. With the lack of security in the area, they would’ve been ripe for theft.

Other items blended in so well that you almost didn’t notice them. Iridescent scraps of silk and lace that looked to be dresses of some sort. A blinged out pair of handcuffs which seemed out of place to you. Lastly, a glossy leather officer’s cap. Not a typical pirate hat, but you were sure you’d seen skippers on the bay wearing something similar.

There was definitely a treasure theme so you were curious to see what kind of store it was. Perhaps s sea related place or a place for costumes.

Paul was about to open the door, but was beat to it when someone pushed the door to exit. At first you thought he was a customer but then Paul whooped and moved in for a hug. “David!”

The bleached blonde stopped him with a hand to the shoulder. “Paul.” His icy eyes were on you and you felt a shiver from his intensity alone. “Who’s this?” he questioned casually though his demeanor was anything but casual.

“Yeah, this is Y/N from Between the Pies. I’m giving them the grand tour. Y/N this is the owner of the Treasure Trove.”

You considered it a victory that you were able to nod your head in affirmation. You voice was in short supply at the moment.

David put a cigarette in his mouth and struck a match, holding the flame until the paper lit up. “Is that so?”

The boys looked at you to see what you would say, but other than a cough and nod, you stayed quiet. The bleached hair and black trench coat look alone would’ve intimated you, but David seemed like the kind of intelligent personality to tease and goad. You were wary of giving into him.

The plan backfired though and he pounced on your fear. He took a cool drag and blew the smoke in your direction, the smell of tobacco tickling your nose. “Welcome to the club, sweetheart.”

You could’ve died on the spot. It seemed that all of the boys liked to use pet names, one of your major weaknesses. You definitely had to grow thicker skin if you were going to be working at the strip mall. If you didn’t, you were likely to have a heart attack.

Paul was no help either as he stood there laughing. The goofball was naturally laidback but in David’s presence, he seemed down right subservient. The owner of this mysterious shop apparently had that affect on people.

It got worse when Marko yelled from where he hung out of the truck. “Paul! We open in five, get your butt back here.”

He pouted, not wanting to leave but a glance from David had Paul moving on the double. “Adios, baby!”

Alone with David, you rubbed your arm nervously and kept your eyes glued to the window display.

“So…the Treasure Trove, huh? What do you do exactly?”

“Pardon?” He looked to be in disbelief.

“It’s not exactly obvious.” You may be a bit afraid of him but you weren’t going to let him make you feel stupid. “The display matches the name though, so you might be a sea store. My other guess is a costume shop of some sort.”

He took a long drag. Exhaled. Cocked his head. “You really don’t know, do you.”

You were tempted to make a witty retort but refrained; something in his energy told you it wouldn’t end well if you started a fight.

A predatory grin spread across his face and he held the door open with a gloved leather hand. “We can still finish the tour, if you want.”

Suddenly, you understood perfectly how Eve was drawn in by the serpent. Who could resist such an offer when the snake was eerily magnetic and the offer to explore so temping? Possibilities started playing in your mind. Acceptance was heavy on your tongue.

On the verge of entering, a car horn honked from the road, distracting you and the desire was abruptly cut off. You breathed sharply and took one step backward, then one more. You were so caught up, you hadn’t realized that you put a foot over the threshold.

Spooked you stuttered through an apology. “I need to get back to the shop, sorry. I’ve been gone long enough as it is.”

“Another time then,” he said with finality, letting the door close.

“Sure. Yes. Another time.” Not that you really meant it. Waving goodbye, you concentrated on walking steady, his gaze hot on your back the whole way.

David stood outside, still on smoke break. A puff lit up the end of the cigarette in a fiery orange glow.

He decided that he liked you. Never before had someone not figured out what the Treasure Trove actually was. It was kinda cute. The boys liking you basically sealed the deal. There was no way you’d get rid of any of them now.

Powers Strip Mall just became a whole lot more interesting.

_______________

Hopefully this was fun! I had a good time writing it. Marko and Paul are the best, and worst, of business partners. Dwayne’s living his best life promoting radical ideology to the surfing and skating community. And I could totally see David having a sex shop haha. I have so many thoughts...should I continue this AU?

#the lost boys #the lost boys x reader #the lost boys dwayne #the lost boys paul #the lost boys marko #the lost boys david #imagines

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hacash · 3 years ago

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ted lasso 2x05 thoughts

I was so overwhelmed by the Christmas ep that I don't think I even did a reaction post, but please consider me squealing with joy about everything but particularly Bumbercatch's knitting and Isaac as the only Santa Claus I will ever sexually fantasise about.

anyway

another Friday, another day in which the Ted Lasso writers shamelessly toy with my emotions and make my heart explode into teeny tiny pieces

I know some people didn't enjoy it but even as someone who's not that invested about romcoms I loved all the little references - I think it's always obvious when show writers are having fun with a concept and that fun ends up being infectious. that's precisely what this ep felt like: even if you don't personally vibe with it, it's still fun.

Bantr is now officially sponsoring the team! You love to see it. I wonder if we'll see any more of Dubai Air - or potentially see the financial fallout of the team going from being sponsored by a major airline to a new start-up dating app - but it's a nice bit of continuity.

I'm sure going to miss Roy-as-Pundit, but sometimes good things have to leave to make way for better things - bring on Coach Roy! The fact that his love for football ended up being the climax of the whole romcom arc was lovely - the dramatic romcom run to the stadium, leading to him coming back to his pitch and being greeted by his old chant? Not ashamed to say it: there were tears.

I love Isaac and Roy's underrated broship, so seeing Roy making an effort to connect with him and encourage him was absolutely lovely. And Roy and Ted back together again!

There were so many pure moments in this ep I can't even begin to describe. Getting Isaac back to himself by reminding him what he loved about the game as a kid all over again? More tears. Him leading the warm-up with a goofy kids' game and all the guys remembering to just have fun with a game they would all have fallen in love with when they were all young. Niagara Falls.

THE HIGGINSES. Such an unjaded portrayal of an established married couple who are still as bonkers about each other as they've always been.

Silly Rebecca! Silly stretching Rebecca! <3 <3 <3

Nate's on the right path in settling into himself and gaining more confidence, but we've still clearly got a little way to go - I'm interested to see if the introduction of Roy to the coaching team will have a big impact (after all, we know Nate's always looked up to Roy, and if there's anyone who Nate will worry is about to take his place...). I'm glad we're getting more demonstrations of why Nate's been acting out a bit this season, and seeing more of his insecurities just makes me want to hug him. (And yes, I'm still waiting for the Nate Strut.)

Also I love how geniune and kind Keeley was with Nate and figuring out straight away that he didn’t want to get famous just for fame’s sake. I really want to see more of them in future: I feel like Nate needs some good female friends.

Dani: 'My mother said I was born caffeinated.' OH DANI.

Sadly not much Sam or Jamie in this episode, but I appreciate Sam's recognition of the Bridget Jones movies. (On that note: as another romcom shoutout I would have loved to see a mock-up of the Colin Firth and Hugh Grant fight in this episode - arguably the best scene in romcom history - but I realise the universe cannot give us everything.)

Colin posting about Welsh independence! I've said it before and I'll say it again: every new episode I start by thinking I couldn’t love his character more, and every episode Billy Harris and the writers decide to prove me wrong.

‘But it will all work out. Now it may not work out how you think it will, or how you hope it does, but believe me: it will all work out exactly as it’s supposed to. Our job is to have zero expectations and just let go.’ WELL COLOUR ME SCARED OF THIS IMPENDING DARK FOREST.

This whole therapy thing is bearing down on Ted like an avalanche and I for one am here for the emotional fallout.

Maybe it's being screwed around repeatedly by tv showrunners who want to prove how smart they are (SW, GoT, Moffat, Marvel) by whipping the rug out from under the viewers' feet, but I am so tense and so suss about this 'Ted and Rebecca are totally chatting on Bantr' thing that it's driving me crazy. On the one hand: I need it so much it's like air. On the other hand: if this turns out to be a double-bluff would that mean that the showrunners do have Ted & Rebecca as endgame and just want to do a bit of messing with us first? I DON'T KNOW and it's driving me mad.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #the little things

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watermelonlipstick · 4 years ago

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Dreams, Chapter 3

If you haven’t read this series before, you might want to start on Chapter 1, or check out the Dreams Masterlist! Here’s the series description:

When Dean dies for good leaving Sam and his girlfriend (the reader) behind, they must figure out how to carry on without him. Alone, reeling, and unsure what to do next, trying to honor Dean’s memory and follow their hearts gets even more complicated when their nightmares become dreams that feel a little too real.

Title: Dreams, Chapter 3

Pairing: (past) Dean Winchester x Reader, (eventual) Sam Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 2344

Summary: It’s Christmas in Wisconsin for Sam and the reader.

Warnings: angst (sensing a theme here), alcohol, slow burn

Christmas Eve was a Thursday, which meant you were working. You’d predicted it would be slow, but there were big chunks of time where no one was in the bar at all. Christmas carols on the radio helped pass the time, and you drank a little more of the almost-coquito you’d thrown together in the back at the beginning of the shift than you needed to. It reminded you of your aunt and the way she’d smell of coconut through Boxing Day every year when you were growing up; welcome nostalgia you could tolerate like pressing a thumb into a bruise and distracted you from the evisceration of thinking of Dean. The day shift had left the bar understocked, so Sam spent a good amount of time going up and down the stairs refilling refrigerators and cutting fruit for drinks. Around 10 or 11 the people who didn’t want to wrap up the night when their in-laws went home straggled in, a handful of regulars that you generally liked but had a tendency to get a little rowdy when left alone together. It didn’t help that they showed up a few drinks in.

The merriment was infectious, and it was sweet to hear grown men proud of the gifts they’d gotten their loved ones. One even brought a few bottles of homemade maple syrup to give to the others, sliding one sheepishly across the bar to you. You were pouring out a round of coquito when Sam came up from the basement with a towel tossed over his shoulder.

“Everything should be good,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He hadn’t cut it in months and the ends fell gracefully around his shoulders. A piece fell oddly across his forehead and you reflexively fixed it for him.

“What did you two get each other?” a regular, Steve, asked with a relaxed finger pointing between you and Sam. His cheeks were ruddy with whiskey and winter air.

“Oh. I—uh, we don’t really do gifts,” Sam offered placatingly.

“Man, where did you find this girl? Listens to classic rock, drives a stick shift, and doesn’t ‘do gifts’?” another, Joe, added.

“You better be buying her some presents or someone else will.” Jake, a customer you’d always felt safe around since he tossed out a rude guy for you a month back, chimed in.

You and Sam had never explicitly said that you were together. People just assumed, and it was easier to go along with it than explain the truth, especially because you didn’t look similar enough to be siblings and you still couldn’t shake your need to cling to him from time to time. It was almost never an issue aside from periodic mild teasing. This Christmas talk was a departure from the non-explanations you and Sam usually gave and you found yourself waiting for a cue on where to go. Sam seemed to be having the same thought, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

You spoke before the moment had a chance to become too pregnant. “You know how hard it is to buy presents for a guy who doesn’t like having stuff? If he buys me something, I’ll have to get him something too!” You hoped it sounded smooth, your lying out of practice in the months since you’d had a cover on a hunt. Sam smirked gratefully at you.

Joe shook his head wistfully. “Seriously, where did you find her?”

“She’s pretty great, isn’t she?” Sam’s voice sounded sort of soft around the edges, almost like he was tired but not quite. When you looked up at him, that pebble of self-consciousness you’d felt at the hardware flipped in your stomach again and you glanced away in favor of a one-armed hug you intended to look affectionate. Sam did the same, encompassing your entire shoulder with his hand.

When you drove home that night, warm and full of coquito, Sam played Christmas carols.

“I think we should do gifts.”

It was the first thing you thought when you woke up, and you said it into Sam’s chest as you laid there before you opened your eyes. You could tell from the rhythm of his breathing that he wasn’t all the way asleep.

“Hmm?”

“I think we should do gifts. We should really do Christmas if we’re going to do it, and that means presents. What do you think?”

You felt as much as you saw out of the corner of your drowsy eyes that Sam raised his unpinned arm to rub the sleep out of his. “Mmm, okay? I mean if that’s what you want.”

“Thank you,” you said as you nestled deeper into him.

“‘S already Christmas though.” Sleep pulled Sam’s words together like taffy.

“It can be goofy stuff; I just think we should open presents under a tree and everything. Seems like the kind of thing we should do, you know? Like trying to be normal.” You couldn’t bear saying out loud what you meant, that Dean would’ve wanted presents and stockings and eggnog and Santa hats and a big roast if he could’ve, to fall asleep after watching the stars glitter off of falling snow.

Sam heard anyway.

“You’re right,” Sam murmured. He rubbed your upper arm absentmindedly.

“I’ll wake you back up when the bathroom’s free,” you offered, carefully rolling over him to get out of the bed. He nodded with closed eyes and flopped over onto his stomach.

About an hour later, a wet haired Sam slid into the Impala’s driver side and rubbed his hands together to warm them up. You could tell from the puffiness around his eyes and his overcompensating casual tone that he’d been crying. He set his phone to pipe Your Inner Fish through the stereo and backed down the driveway over snow tamped down over the last week.

It had been years since you’d gone Christmas shopping, as much as this could be considered Christmas shopping. The town you’d settled in had exactly 7 businesses on a tiny main street, including 1 small inn, a grocery store, the hardware store, a coffee shop (the most reliable internet in town, much faster than your place) and 3 different places to get a burger. You met Sam in the grocery store after grabbing what you wanted from next door in hardware, catching him just as he came out carrying a bag with a long pipe of wrapping paper stretching far past the top. When you left, there were only two other cars in the parking lot grabbing their own last-minute things.

You wrapped your presents on the bed. It wasn’t like riding a bike as you’d hoped it would be, and your sloppy corners started you down a mental spiral. What a completely asinine thing, wrapping hardware store presents to put under a stolen tree. This wasn’t the Rockwell painting you wanted to present as sacrifice to Dean’s memory. It was cheap and stupid, a sloppy high school production when Dean deserved Broadway. He always had. As much as the three of you had never really done Christmas, Dean knew how to make something special while maintaining the air of not caring. You remembered waking up on his made-up anniversaries: six months from the first time you kissed, three years since he realized he loved you (three years minus 53 days before he said anything), 14 months since you’d figured out how to put a gun back together in the dark. Even in the most podunk little towns he’d find gorgeous bouquets and put together great meals in tiny kitchenettes; drive miles away to pick up a cake for Sam’s birthday or pepper motel rooms with festive streamers and silly string. Two quick, hard breaths through your nose to collect yourself and you finished the wrapping. That would have to be good enough.

Sam was crouched in front of the fireplace with a bellows, a plucky little fire kicking into gear with his help. “All yours,” you called out, grateful your voice didn’t crack.

“Thanks. It’ll only be a second.”

He was right, and came back to you on the couch in only a few minutes with two wrapped bundles. You shyly handed him what you’d wrapped and took his.

“Uh, Merry Christmas I guess,” Sam said. You noticed the edge of discomfort in his voice and were sickly grateful not to be alone in your tentativeness as you popped open the scotch tape holding the paper on the rectangular package. Before you’d uncovered it, Sam had his first gift unwrapped.

“Nice! They had these at the hardware store?” he asked, snapping open the clamshell package on the cheap purple noise-cancelling earbuds you’d picked up.

“I’m sure they’ll sound like they were made underwater, but I figured you could hide them pretty easily if you wanted to wear them at work, listen to your podcasts while you restock or whatever.”

“That’s a really good idea.” He looked down at the headphones considerately for a beat.

You pulled the paper off your present to reveal a notebook and two ballpoint pens. It had a leatherette flexible plastic cover that felt smooth under your fingertips and was about the size of a standard hardcover novel. You opened it to see inside, and a few photos dropped out.

“I just—you didn’t have any—I can take them back if you want,” Sam stammered, but you heard him as if through those checkout-aisle headphones while your eyes blurred. These were pictures you hadn’t seen for years. The one on top of the loose stack in your lap was outside Bobby’s house. It felt like a lifetime ago, leaning over the railing of the small porch to kiss Dean as he stood on the ground in a sweaty t-shirt covered in engine grease. Under that was one you remembered used to be the background of an old phone, where you, Sam, and Dean huddled together in a booth at some bar you’d forgotten the name of in Montana that had girls dressed up as mermaids swim around in big tanks, part of the same theme that explained the blue fishbowl drink partly out of frame in Dean’s hands. There was one you didn’t recall with you and Dean stretched out on a nondescript motel couch, his arm protectively covering you as you coiled up into his side, both clearly asleep from the closed eyes and slightly parted lips. The last was a picture you hadn’t seen since the last time you went to Jody’s house; it had touched you then to see it hanging up on the wall, you carrying Dean piggyback while Sam clutched his knees laughing. It was the same day Claire had turned 16 and you had no idea why you’d needed to convince Dean you could carry him, but the whole thing had ended up with everyone rolling on the ground, grabbing at laugh-opened rib pains for what felt like blissful hours.

You weren’t surprised at the silent tears that were pouring gently down your face, but wiped at them harshly with your sleeve so they wouldn’t drip. “Sam—” you croaked. “I don’t…I didn’t—thank you. How did you find these?”

“They had an instant photo printer at the grocery store. I’ve had a flash drive with some stuff on it for a while.”

You passed through each picture again, studying them like the gospel. It was almost hard to match the photos to the memories, memories having been replayed and multiplied and color-saturated in your mind over and over again, too big to fit into these little pieces of cardstock. But Dean was so beautiful, and you all looked so happy.

“It’s supposed to help to write about how you’re feeling, so I thought…” Sam trailed off.

“It’s perfect. I—thank you, Sam.” You met his eyes, stormy blue-green and taking on an amber reflection off of the fire. He looked nervous and almost guilty, like he had miscalculated and hurt you. Carefully slipping the photos back into the notebook, you set it on the table like it was made of crystal and threw your arms around Sam to tuck into him, knowing you were crying through his shirt but unable to stop. You realized you were murmuring thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou into the crook of his neck at the same time you felt the wetness of his tears onto your shoulder. Pulling him in tighter, you slunk back into the arm of the couch behind you. Sam slotted into the curve of your body, wrapping around your torso with powerful, gentle arms. His hair was silken when you began to stroke it, feeling his wracking sobs against your chest. It was impossible to gauge the amount of time it took for both of you to stop crying, skin slick and hot against each other on the old couch as your bodies hardened together like a mold. You felt dried out and sore and wouldn’t have pulled away from Sam if you’d had a gun to your head.

“Man, and we were doing so well,” you hummed into Sam’s hair.

“Were we?” Sam asked, and it was all you could do to laugh. Sam laughed too, the emotional and physical fatigue of it blending between you in the air. He adjusted his arm and you could feel the span of his hand across your lower back. The two of you sat there for a few more moments before you gathered up enough courage to let go of him.

“Want to open the other one?”

Sam nodded against your chest and slowly extricated himself, running a hand through his messed-up hair and rubbing his neck as he reached for the other present you’d gotten him. He tore through the paper unceremoniously and smiled down at the shoe repair glue and new boot laces. “You saw they split, didn’t you?”

You smiled back at him. “Would’ve just gotten you a new pair of boots but, you know, late notice. Maybe this’ll buy you some time.”

He handed you his second gift from the coffee table. Inside the foil-adorned wrapping paper were three bags of gummy worms.

Continue to Dreams, Chapter 4

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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 4 years ago

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U N P L A N N E D, part seventeen

You weren’t sure how to feel. You were confused and upset and angry. And at the end of the day, Harry storming out of the house only felt like it confirmed your fears: he would leave.

He did, right?

He left, even if he came back and shut himself in his office. He left, even if he popped out only when Jane cried, before you could wave him off and say you could handle whatever it was and didn’t need his help.

But the bottom line was that your emotions came out and that scared him away. You tried to hold it back and you tried to avoid the conversation because no matter how hard you tried, you didn’t see a world where the ending of that scene would look any different.

A few days later and things had settled down, he cooled off and you gave each other enough space when you passed in the hallway or sat on the couch at night and watched the news. Things felt tense inside the house and outside, too.

Which is why, four days later, you were sat uncomfortably in a chair next to Glenne in some restaurant in Hollywood.

“This is the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever done.”

“Oh stop,” she waved you off, a full 180 from the Glenne you once knew.

She didn’t seem to completely understand what you were saying. Your eyes trailed down the table, Lexi was busy chatting with a girl you’d met a few times. The band was there, Jeff, other faces and names that offered hugs and hellos as if you’d been around the whole time.

But that wasn’t what made you uncomfortable.

“Oh,” Glenne’s mouth set in a firm line when she saw what you saw. She leaned in and let her voice drop lower. “She worked on the album, I think, helped write a song or two.”

“I don’t care,” you lied, picked up the drink in front of you and took a sip through the black straw. Another gulp, maybe you could ease the knots in your stomach with more alcohol.

He’d been nice leading up to this, said he liked your dress when you sat awkwardly in the car on the drive here. He got Jane bathed and dressed when you got ready, passed her off to your mom for the night after she made the drive down from Santa Paula.

But his arm was slung around the back of her chair now, he nodded and smiled when she said something funny, leaned in to hear her over the noise of the restaurant as if they were old friends.

Glenne sipped her own drink, kept her eyes focused on the two of them, just like you. “She’s nice, she’s not someone you need to worry about.”

“It’s fine,” you shrugged, hopefully more convincing this time. “We’re not together--he can do what he wants.”

She turned to look at you, her eyebrows arched when she held her straw between her fingers and took a pull. “Right,” she laughed.

“I mean it, Glenne.”

“What do you mean?” Jeff materialized behind you both, pulled out his chair on the other side of his girlfriend and rejoined the table.

“Y/N’s just going on about how her and Harry aren’t together,” Glenne looked up at Jeff, offered him a sweet smile when he bent down to kiss her on the head.

Jeff laughed at this, smiled over at you and placed his napkin on his lap. “But like, you’re not not together, right?”

“We’re just not together. One ‘not.’ It’s not a thing.”

They both looked at you, straight-faced and expectant, like suddenly you’d let out a laugh and admit this was all a silly joke. “What?” You asked.

“Nothing,” Jeff shrugged. “Just, I thought things were going well.”

“Oh my god,” you rolled your eyes at his words, thankful to feel more comfortable having an honest conversation with both of them. “Things can be going well and that still doesn’t mean we’re together.”

“Yeah, but, things were, like, all sweet and cute after she was born and--”

You cut Jeff off, held up a hand to avoid having the same conversation with Glenne from the other night. “Our focus is Jane.”

He nodded, shrugged as if to imply that yes, of course it was.

Somehow, miraculously, Lexi decided it was time to hop into the conversation, too. She turned around beside you, smiled when she saw that you’d all been congregating right beside her. With a grin on her face; “hi, what’s up?”

“Y/N and Harry are being weird again,” Jeff laughed a little before you offered him a narrowed glare.

“What? Why?” Lexi pulled her head back as if this was the craziest thing she’d ever heard.

“Since when do all of you like to team up against me? Didn’t all of you used to think that this was a bad idea?”

“Not me,” Lexi held her hands up to show innocence.

“Okay, fine,” you corrected. “You two did, though.”

Jeff and Glenne looked at each other and smiled a bit. Maybe the alcohol had gotten to them. Maybe everyone was just relaxed and enjoying the birthday celebrations.

“Opinions change,” was all Jeff offered.

You rolled your eyes. “Okay, well, mine hasn’t. It’s not happening.”

“Because you’re afraid?” Lexi’s words caught you off guard. You turned to eye her, gave some sort of we’re not doing this here look.

“Stop,” was all you said.

“What?” She laughed. “You know I’m right.”

“Let’s just not.”

“Oh come on, Y/N. I love you, but you’re getting in your own way.”

You picked up your drink and took a sip, hoping that it’d be enough of an excuse to relieve you of having to answer.

Jeff offered a hesitant smile, like it pained him to admit it: “she’s right.”

“This is not a good place for us to have this conversation,” you said, their suddenly strong opinions crashed over you like a tidal wave. What happened to not letting things get messy? What happened to following the rules like they’d wanted and staying out of trouble?

Lexi mowed over your statement. “You’re afraid, which is fine, but don’t make us pretend that we don’t see through it.”

“Alright, I’m not doing this.” You pushed your seat back from the table to leave.

“Doing what?” Lexi asked, more frustrated with you.

“Lexi,” Glenne reached out a hand to settle her. “Let it go.”

“Oh so I’m the only one who can be honest with her?”

“Being honest isn’t license to be a dick,” you said.

She rolled her eyes at that and let her hands drop to her lap. “Fine, whatever.”

You reached for your purse and offered Glenne and Jeff a smile. “I’ll see you guys later.”

They didn’t chase after you, they let you slip out to the parking lot, call an uber, and stand there by yourself atop the asphalt and hurt feelings.

As if Lexi hadn’t been enough, Harry stepped out to the hidden back alley after a few minutes.

“Hi,” he said, looking you up and down. “Y’heading out?”

“Yeah,” you offered a smile. “I’m just tired, but, I’m fine.”

Quiet for a second when he hesitated, unsure if he should let you go and unsure if he had the right to stop you. “I saw your mom’s text.”

“Yeah, she’s been asleep for a while, no issues.”

“S’good.”

“Yeah.”

A pause in the night air, he shifted his weight on his feet and for a second, you thought he’d ask you to stay.

“You don’t have to wait here with me,” you told him, clicked your phone to life to see the driver’s ETA. “I called an uber, should be here in three minutes.”

He nodded, shoved his hands in his pockets. “Okay, yeah, I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Yep,” you nodded, smiled when he turned on his heel and let the door to the swanky restaurant close behind him. He was already gone, but you whispered it anyway. “Happy birthday.”

He said he loved the goofy apron you bought him, simple and blue, the word DAD was etched on the front. You signed the card from both of you, left it on the counter that night when you got home. He found it sometime when he keyed in late and brought it up the next day.

But it wasn’t as awkward as walking into the tiny room somewhere in Burbank a almost two weeks later. Jane was in the carseat on the floor and a woman with short brown hair smiled after you handed her back the paperwork you signed.

“So--you said on the phone that you’ve been struggling with anxiety?”

You gave her an unsure nod, shouldn’t she be telling you whether or not that was the case?

“And who’s this?”

“Jane--she should sleep the whole time, I think.”

She smiled. Cassie, a therapist who’s profile came up when Glenne lovingly sent you the link to a website search for therapists. She was young enough, smiled down at Jane and sat back in her chair once she set the clipboard on her desk behind her.

“How old is she?”

“Six weeks.”

She held a hand to her heart and smiled. “How’s that been going?”

You told her about the start of it all, that night at Harry’s and the anxiety that settled in your bones in the Facebook bathroom when you saw the first tiny plus sign. She managed to keep a straight face when you name dropped Jane’s father, a good sign. Or maybe she thought you were crazy and making it up. Either way, you spent the first session just catching her up on the last nine months.

Before that, your life had been quiet. Sure, maybe some unresolved feelings around your parents or tough times in high school like the rest of the world. But whatever lurked beneath the surface had never been shaken up so much until now, like a snowglobe knocked from its shelf, typically settled pieces now swirling in the air around you with no hope of slowing down.

The second session the next week was similar, but that’s when she pushed a little harder.

“But things are totally fine with Harry?”

You nodded. “Yeah--I mean, like I told you last week things were kind of messy for a bit, but they’re fine now.”

“You mentioned that you fought with him recently?”

This time Jane wasn’t there to be a distraction. You lied this morning and told Harry you were meeting Lexi for a coffee, but the truth was that you hadn’t spoken to her since his birthday. He promised he’d take her for a walk and put on a new onesie if she threw up on herself. Leaving her was easier now, he seemed more confident in his ability to handle the things that might go wrong.

But now you wished she was buckled in beside you, an excuse to change the topic or leave the room to change her diaper.

“I guess we fought--he was upset, I was upset.”

“What did you fight about?

“He uh--I guess he thinks we could be good together.”

“And you don’t?”

You shrugged, took a breath and looked around the room. How were you supposed to explain your thoughts to a woman you’d met twice? “I don’t know.”

She eyed you for a minute, the small smile on her face let you know she wanted more.

“I do have feelings for him, I guess.”

“You do?”

Another hesitant nod. “I think just cause of Jane, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, at first I swore it was just the hormones and you know--feeling like we had some weird bond.”

She smiled a little, understanding and encouraging. “You do have a bond.”

“I know, but--I just mean at first it felt like there was something there.”

“But it doesn’t now?”

You dropped her gaze at that. No--it wasn’t not there. “I guess my thought process is that it’s just too risky now.”

“What is?”

“Being with him, like, as a couple.”

“How so?”

You sighed--the questions were fair but you already felt exhausted.

“None of this was planned--for a while it felt like he was only being nice to me cause he got me knocked up. He kind of had to be nice to me.”

“Do you really think that’s true? Do you think he would do that?”

“He’s a nice person,” you shrugged.

“But do you think he would ask you to move in and spend so much time with you and your family if he didn’t actually want to do those things?”

“I mean--no, I guess I only thought that for the first few weeks.”

She nodded thoughtfully, waited to see if you’d add any more. When you didn’t, she parted her lips to speak. “When did you realize he wasn’t just being nice to be nice?”

You thought back on the months you’d spent with him. The time you went to the beach and had a picnic, the nights at his house when he’d make dinner and when the panic that lurked in your tummy about the future felt like it had vanished.

“I guess when we started spending more time together and I actually got to know him.”

Another nod. “So you were nervous at first, which makes sense to me. Do you still fear that that’s true?”

You already had the answer, it sat on your tongue and felt like it’d spill out any second. You glanced around the room, out the window to the sunny streets and wondered what would change if you admitted it.

“I know he won’t leave. I know he won’t just up and never speak to me--to us--again.”

She waited for you to say more.

“But why would he want to be with me? Why--out of all the people he could be with--would he pick the girl who got pregnant with his kid?”

She challenged this, a slight smirk on her face. “He might actually have feelings for you, you know.”

You made a face, shifted in your seat as if to send the message that it was impossible.

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Her words were quiet, a sudden shift in the air in the room as if in any second, rain would pour from the ceiling or a wind would sweep her papers off the desk in the corner. Like everything in the world was hinging on the secret about to fall from your lips.

“People don’t stay in my life.”

She frowned at that, aware that she’d actually gotten something out of you now.

“Like who?”

“My last boyfriend, my dad--” the tears that welled in your eyes cut you off, you swallowed the emotion and wiped quickly, embarrassed to be crying in front of someone you’d only met twice.

“You said your parents got divorced when you were little?”

You nodded. “I don’t want Jane to grow up like I did.”

“Who says she will?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “But if him and I are together--if I let that happen--then he can leave, but he can’t leave me and hurt me or us if we’re not together.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Yes he can.”

“What?”

“Whether you’re actually in a relationship with him or not won’t change the emotions you have for him. It’ll still hurt if he leaves or backs out, even if you’re not romantically involved.”

You stared at her for a second, confused by her bluntness. Weren’t therapists supposed to make you feel better?

“I guess.”

She could read the look on your face and offered a small smile. “I’m not trying to freak you out--it just seems like you already love him, so it sounds like it would hurt either way.”

You didn’t reply. You took in a shaky breath of air when you tried to wipe at your cheeks and gain composure.

“It makes a lot of sense that you don’t want the same thing to happen to Jane, but you’ve been telling yourself that it will when you don’t know that. Sometimes when we try to avoid the past really hard we just recreate it.”

You took a few days to let it all sink in. You folded laundry and changed diapers and you took Jane on a walk near the beach with sunglasses and a hat. You never imagined that you’d need a disguise, too.

You’d settled back into a routine of climbing the stairs separately, his footsteps down the hall felt more weighted now with the insight you’d discovered in Cassie’s office.

You tried to take space, not get too overwhelmed by the growing knowledge that you loved him, hopelessly and helplessly. You tried to tuck it away in a drawer beneath your sweaters, like somehow if you kept it out of sight it wasn’t true.

But the world didn’t want to make it so easy.

Your mom called and reminded that your upcoming birthday was the perfect excuse to have another party--one that more of your family could come to, a bigger and more public event than the quiet shower you’d kept under wraps.

They were dying to meet Jane and she was dying to show off her granddaughter to the rest of the family and her friends back home. When you floated the idea to Harry of bringing Jane home with you for a long weekend, his brows furrowed.

“Without me?”

Jane was strapped to his chest at the kitchen counter, he was obsessed with the new wrap you’d gotten online and now he barely took it off. She kicked her legs against his abdomen.

“I mean--I figured we’d just get out of your hair for a while, some space--” you trailed off.

He let out a huff of air and dropped your gaze. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know, I just--”

“But you’re doing it anyway?”

“Do you really not want me to go see my own family for my birthday?”

“Why can’t I come?”

“I didn’t know you’d want to,” you eyed him skeptically, smiled at Jane when she made eye contact with you and then started to whine.

“I mean, yeah,” he said it quietly. “I’d like to.”

He offered to drive and a week later you were leaning into the backseat to adjust the toy rattle that hung from Jane’s car seat when he changed lanes on the 101. You’d already briefed him on the players: Aunt Lisa and uncle Melvin. Aunt Melissa and Uncle Mike. Your cousins Cassie, Eric and his boyfriend Tim, Shayna. Cousin Ryan and his wife Sam, their daughter Paige. Your mom’s best friend Tammy and her husband Bill. Their son, Luke.

“I’ll never remember all these people.”

“I don’t expect you to,” you laughed a little. “All you need to know is that Ryan and Sam are super sweet, everyone else is fine. Uncle Mel is a little too Republican for my taste, but, that’s just me. Oh, and Luke was my high school boyfriend. So some people might make comments about that, but it’s fine.”

He looked over to you from behind his sunglasses. “What do you mean?”

You shrugged. “We dated--we were like, sixteen.”

“How long did you date for?”

“I don’t know, like almost three years?”

“Almost three years?!”

“It was forever ago,” you tried to downplay it. You didn’t expect the reaction he gave.

“Well, yeah, but--did you--”

“Yes,” you cut him off, waved a hand in his direction to get out in front of it. “I lost my virginity to him.”

He lifted his eyebrows at that, shifted in the driver’s seat and kept his eyes on the road.

“Why does that matter?”

“It doesn’t,” he said, a shrug of his shoulders and a quick glance in the rearview mirror to see Jane. “Was just curious.”

You stared at the white lines on the road, watched as they blurred together when he accelerated on the gas. It was only an hour drive, you were there before noon and right in time for Jane to have another bottle.

He was happy to greet everyone who was already there--just a few aunts and cousins who decided they’d help set up platters of food and bowls of juice before the rest of the crew arrived. They fussed over Jane, passed her around and tickled her cheeks, but Harry kept a close eye on whoever had her.

When more people showed up you were whisked away again, hugging cousins you hadn’t seen in ages and trying desperately to not sound like a fool for getting knocked up by a celebrity. Your cousin Carrie didn’t seem to think it was all that bad.

“Not the worst thing in the world, though, right?”

You gave her a knowing look, fought the smile on your face when she elbowed you in the ribs. Carrie was closest to your age, only a year older and always so much cooler than you were growing up.

“Come on, Y/N, he looks pretty good with a baby on his chest.”

“He’s been great with her so far,” you admitted. “I’m just trying to stay sane and deal with turning twenty-six.”

“Must be so hard,” your aunt Lisa pulled you in for a hug when she appeared behind you. “Dealing with a handsome man and a beautiful baby.”

You rolled your eyes at her teasing, hugged your uncle and let out a sigh. “I’m managing, but, you know, it’s been a wild year.”

“And you’ve handled it beautifully,” your mom chimed in, dropping off a cake on the table in the backyard. She kissed you on the cheek, “help me inside for a minute!”

You followed behind her, promised to come tell Carrie more of the_ dirty details_, as she put it. But the kitchen inside was quiet, your mom pulled out more serving dishes from the fridge and handed them to you when she spoke.

“Have you talked to him at all?”

You’d been watching him out the window, he tugged at Jane’s toes while she sat, happily, in your uncle Melvin’s arms. When you pulled your eyes over to hers, she eyed you suspiciously.

“No.”

“Are you going to?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, honey,” she rolled her eyes and let out a short laugh, shutting the fridge and taking inventory of the dishes she’d made. “I know you’re not sleeping all that much, but, I’m not that stupid.”

You sighed, held the bowl of pasta salad in your arms. “Not yet. Not now.”

“Sweetie,” she placed a hand on your shoulder and offered a look of sympathy. “You know what they say. He who hesitates is lost.”

“What?”

“Don’t waste your time,” she shrugged, her gaze immediately going back to food she still wanted to bring outside. Her attention was pulled away by commotion outside, another arrival of family who’d yet to meet your daughter.

And maybe she had a point, but you weren’t wasting time. Your time was spent standing over his shoulder as he learned how to change diapers. Sitting on the edge of the bed in the middle of the night when she wouldn’t stop crying. Thumbing through pages of parenting books or calling your mom instead of ripping out your hair.

Pediatrician appointments and dodging the cameras that seemed to point your way when you stepped out of the fortress on the hill.

And most importantly, protecting your daughter from the same heartbreak you felt your whole life: the one that comes along with a father who’s nowhere to be found.

You hadn’t expected the party to last so long, but the sun started to set and people still loitered around the backyard.

Things quieted down though after dinner, your mom opened another bottle of wine with her sisters and Harry sat at the table with a beer in his hand as he listened to Eric and Tim recount their amazing vacation in Aruba. Jane was on his lap, getting fussier by the second after her evening feed.

You’d avoided it so far, a quick hello and minimal interaction, if only to save yourself an awkward conversation later that night. But when Luke sat down at the empty seat beside you--and directly across from Harry--you knew the night was about to get more interesting.

“So Luke, Y/N told me you two have known each other for a long time,” Harry shifted his attention over to you, a small smile on his face when you locked eyes.

Luke nodded, sipped at his own beer. “Yeah, God, we met when we were in seventh grade?”

“Yep,” you confirmed, a quick nod. “Do you want me to take Jane inside?”

“No,” Harry shook his head. She looked up at him with big blue eyes and then over at you when he smiled down at her. “She’s fine. And you two dated, right?”

“Yeah,” Luke laughed, smiling in your direction. “We spent a lot of time together in high school.”

“I heard,” Harry offered a quick chuckle, you tried to send a message with the narrowing of your eyes.

“What a throwback,” you said sarcastically.

“What is?” your mom was suddenly interested from the other end of the table, a tipsy smile on her face as she pushed up the sleeves of her sweatshirt she’d tossed on at the end of the night.

You and Luke spoke at the same time, but your mumbled nothing didn’t sound as convincing as his answer: me and Y/N dating in high school.

Your mom smiled and held a hand to her chest, which made Tammy suddenly tune into the conversation from a few feet away as she chatted with Carrie.

This made Harry more annoyed, but he hid it well. No one else could tell, probably, but you knew the way his lip twitched and he itched his neck when he didn’t like the way things were going.

“I’m gonna take Jane inside,” you stood from the table and walked over to him with extended arms. Harry stood and set his beer on the table, I’ll come with you.

Once you were alone inside, he started explaining before you could even give him a hard time.

“I’m not trying to be a dick--just getting to know everyone.”

“By interrogating my high school boyfriend about our teenage relationship?”

He shut the door to the guest room and picked up Jane’s diaper bag from the floor. “What else am I supposed to talk to him about?”

“I don’t know--sports, music, anything.”

He rolled his eyes and took out the portable diaper mat. You undid her onesie after you tugged her shorts down.

You held your hand out for a wipe. “You’re a jealous person, aren’t you?”

His brow furrowed, but he handed one over. “Never been told that before,” he tried to keep a straight face, but a giggle escaped his lips.

“There’s nothing between me and Luke,” you promised, tossing the dirty wipe and diaper aside for him to dispose.

He handed you a clean one, picked up the travel-sized baby powder. “Yeah--I mean, you can do what you want, but--”

“I don’t want anything with Luke.”

You fastened the diaper around her hips despite the way she squirmed. He handed you the set of pjs you brought for her, found the swaddle in the bag and then sat on the edge of the bed.

“But you don’t want anything with me, either.”

You let a breath escape your lungs, long and deflated. You’d had enough anxiety about bringing Harry here. But now there was a lurking feeling of nervousness in you about whether or not you’d ruin Jane’s sleep habits by interrupting her routine.

You wrapped Jane in her swaddle and picked her up, thankful for the heaviness of her eyelids when you started to rock her back and forth. “I don’t know what I want.”

You almost told him, laid it all out down the hall from your childhood room. But instead, he nodded, stood from the bed and opened his arms, a look of disappointment in his eyes. “I’ll take her,” he whispered. “Go spend time with your family.”

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list | the playlist

author’s note: woooooowwwwww we are close to the end, pals! the next chapter will be the last one!!!!!

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