#Santa Vlad gift me a child to play with!

[olath124]

A hard hard haaaaard Holiday season greeting from Vlad. Who's probably super thankful that his chonky metal hands don't have the sensibility some real hands would have.

[nuttytani]

Just like a movie

fandom: ikevamp

pairing: vlad x gn!reader 

words: 2000+

warnings: mentions of food and that's pretty much it

a/n- this was my secret santa gift for my dear friend: @jiyuu-chan ! + if you enjoyed it; feedback is highly appreciated!

People say that you are meant to meet a special someone in your life. Someone who would change everything, who would complete you like a piece of a puzzle- someone you are destined to be with from the moment you are born, a string of fate tying you closer.

Soulmates have a special bond with each other; a red string that is attached to their pinky- which can only be seen by them. Such is drilled into every child’s brain from a young age.

When you were younger, your father would always tell you stories of how he had met his soulmate, his wife...your mother. It was otherworldly he said, like nothing else- an indescribable moment, and he wanted you to just know when you had met yours.  

“One day, you’ll also meet your one and only, sweetheart!”

“Really? But…. how will I know?”

“Really! It’s simple. You’ll see a red-,” your dad said- looking a little too excited.

“DARLING- STOP! DIDN’T WE DISCUSS THIS!?? Don’t annoy the poor child…,” your mother screeched from the kitchen as she stormed to your place- giving her husband a sharp look before turning to look at you,  “sweety- you’ll know when that day comes, alright? Why don’t you go play, hmm?”

You only nodded meekly, and rushed upstairs- glad to have your dad stop talking. Your parents’ banter was now muffled, but your mind was clouded with thoughts of what your father was about to say. Perhaps your mother was right...it’s better not to know to keep the moment special.

As you grew up, from kindergarten, primary school to highschool and finally college; you stood by and watched most of your friends find their other half- until you were the only one left. You’d always feel a dull pang in your heart...what if you were destined to be alone for life? When were you going to meet your soulmate? Will people keep on taunting you? These thoughts would lurk in your head, until you couldn’t think anymore. But now you were older and more carefree than before, such thoughts didn’t bother you any longer- at least not completely.

Every once in a while, your family and friends would dreamily tell you about their experience, while you’d just listen and nod. An exhausting cycle, where all your concerns would come rushing back to you. Then, of course, they’d never forget to ask about your nonexistent love life... It wasn’t fun to watch them shoot you a sympathetic smile and say “don’t worry, your time will come soon!”

Truly, having a soulmate or not didn’t matter to you, at least that’s what you think. It wasn’t uncommon for few people to be ‘alone’ although that was quite rare and an unfortunate occurrence. Why was it so hard for people to leave you alone? Real life isn't a romantic movie, like everyone would depict it as.

“There we go! I think that’s it now,” the strawberry brunette sighed as he placed the vase of wildflowers on the coffee table. 

“Finally! I’m so tired,” you groaned, slipping to the floor as your back pushed against the couch.

Fumbling with the book in your hands, you motioned the man to sit beside you- not too long after, he too sat lamely next to you on the cold hardwood. Exactly five hours passed since you and your friend Charles began organizing your new house. The two of you were working nonstop- tirelessly to get the place looking more liveable and comfortable. It was a struggle, but the effort was worth it.

“You know...you owe me for this big time,” Charles announced cheekily.

“Spill it. What do you want Charlot?” Brows shot up your forehead, you knew that smile all too well.

“First of all...stop calling me ‘Charlot’ it’s weird! Only Faust calls me that. And to answer your question- I would like to eat your pancakes.” He flashed you a toothy grin.

“Sure whatever you say Charlot,” you snickered, “with coffee?”

“Uh-huh!”

With a roll of your eyes, you stood up and threw the book on the couch before heading to the kitchen. Straight away- you pulled out the mixing bowl and sieved the dry ingredients, while humming to a tune that was stuck in your head.

About a week had passed since you moved into your new house, it was a decent place and safe neighbourhood. But the best part about it was the fact that your house was a five minute walk from town. That meant no more lazy drives to the market, quite the bonus actually.

Remembering a task- you shouted to Charles, “Can you be a sweetheart and do me a favour?”

“Ask away child, your wish is my command,” he said with a flourish of his hands.

“Haha very funny- go get the mail”

“No no no- you’re forgetting something. What’s the magic word~” he sang in a high pitch.

“...Monsieur Charlie, can you please get the mail,” you huffed in annoyance.

Sounds of pancake sizzling and boiling of the kettle filled the kitchen, you were too busy flipping the pancake to notice Charles' presence back in the living room. His eyes were squinting hard at the brown box and some mail sitting snugly between his arms. He looked back and forth between the parcel and your back before he cleared his throat, capturing your attention.

“Hey uhh...is your home address 216b?”

“No. It’s 215b- why do you ask?”

“Are you sure? Because your mail says-”

Before the man could complete his sentence; you snatched the package from him- your eyes widening momentarily.

“I suppose the addresses got mixed up…” Charles muttered

“Yea looks like it…”

The two of you just stared at the package, not knowing what to do. Your first thought was to drop it off at the right address. The house was just in front of yours, it shouldn’t be a problem and maybe you could introduce yourself to your neighbour at the same time.

A smoky scent filled the living, interrupting your train of thoughts; your nose scrunching up in disgust- “What’s that smell?”

The two of you stared at each other quizzically before exclaiming at the same time “THE PANCAKES!!”

[Unfortunately, it took a great deal of time trying to scrape the burnt pancake off your pan and clean it. The unknown package was the last thing on your mind.]

“Thanks for the help Charles, I appreciate it.” You smiled at him.

“No problem, after all, I got to eat a good meal in turn,” he gave you a wink before bidding his byes.

The sky lost its pale blue colour and was now transformed into soft red and violet, all blending in to create a beautiful gradient with specks of white clouds adorning like freckles. A mop of unfamiliar silvery hair passed by your peripheral as you stared up the sky, taking a shy glance towards the man.

You stared at his back discreetly as he fumbled with the keys before opening the entrance to his house. 

‘216b’ the golden letters glistened. 

Huh. So that’s your neighbour! Maybe now’s the time you give him back the parcel, and that’s what you did.

You knocked thrice on the emerald green door, while balancing the huge brown box on your other arm- waiting patiently while you internally panicked. Your hands started to sweat and the box started to slip. Rushed footsteps echoed from the other side before halting suddenly, the green door opened with a start; giving you a little shock.

Once again, you were met with the silvery haired man; his garnet red eyes flickered to yours and at that moment- you felt as if everything froze around you. Your heart started to beat way too fast, and your breathing became shallow- it felt as if you were underwater. A tingling sensation ran up your left hand, your eyes flashed down to see whatever the problem was- only to be met with a scarlet thread wrapped around your pinky. You looked at the man in clear surprise and he too- looked very taken aback as he followed your eyes.

The silence stretched far too long for your liking, with a clear of your throat- you introduced yourself to the perplexed man and spoke

“...I’m the new neighbour”

“Bonjour, how can I help you?” He stared at you with wide eyes.

“So err- the package— I mean...I-I believe this is your mail?” You motioned to the box in your arms, “Looks like the mailman mixed up our home addresses.” You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Ahh! Why yes- actually I have yours as well- the mail I mean,” his eyes softened in understanding, “Please! Come inside.” He invited you in as he took the parcel from your hands.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” You shook your head meekly, still recovering from your speeding heartbeat.

“Not at all! Come in, please,” he insisted with shining eyes.

The house was similar to yours, the same white walls with wooden floors and fixtures- it had a relaxing ambience. You spotted several plants and flowers decorating the house, giving the place a much more peaceful vibe, you were too busy admiring the place to notice your neighbour returning.

He placed two plates of strawberries and tea on the coffee table which caught your attention.

“You have a lovely home uhh…”

“Vlad. I’m Vlad- my apologies, I completely forgot to introduce myself. How rude of me,” Vlad said with a slight smile.

When you turned up his doorsteps, you had no idea of what was to come- you definitely didn’t expect to finally meet your soulmate after all these years and in such a way. Now you understood what people meant by ‘feeling butterflies’

“No, it’s quite alright,” you chuckled while calming your jittery hands.

Vlad took a seat on the couch and pat the place next to him for you to sit. He elegantly picked the teacup and blew softly on it.

“So, how long have you been here?” he asked.

“Not too long actually, been just a week. I’ve finally finished organizing today,” you said while taking a bite into the deep red strawberry- the sweet juiciness making you sigh in delight.

“These strawberries are particularly my favourite- in fact, these were in the parcel you brought,” Vlad said with a deep laugh.

You gave an awkward ‘oh’ as you took a sip from your cup.

Not too long after, the awkwardness disappeared as you two got lost in conversation after conversation and more endless conversation, and a few giggles in between. It was quite easy to trust Vlad- he had a calming and serene aura and had you feeling comfortable in no time, perhaps too comfortable that you didn’t realize how late it was until you glanced at your wristwatch.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry- I lost track of time…”

Vlad gave a hum of acknowledgement as he eyed the wall clock, “It’s not that late.” He looked at you with twinkling eyes, ”Why don’t you stay for dinner? I’d like some company.”

“Hmm I don't know… I’ve overstayed my welcome,” You said with furrowed brows.

“Well I for sure know you haven’t —as I’ve said—I enjoyed your company.”

“Ahh fine! You’re good at tempting people you know?” With a grin, you folded your arms which earned a hearty chuckle from Vlad.

Dinner went smoothly as you two chattered on and on. The two of you stalled your return home but stayed in each other’s presence by washing dishes, eating dessert, extra dessert, and washing dishes yet again until there was nothing left to do.

Once again, you stood at Vlad’s doorstep with a meek smile.

“I had fun, thanks for having me”

“Me too- and it’s not often to find that your neighbour is your soulmate,” Vlad gave you an impish smile.

“Yea— it was, just like—”

“Just like a movie?”

“You stole my words, monsieur.”

“Perhaps this is our movie,” he said while tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

*

*

a/n: if you enjoyed reading this, please don't forget to leave a like and/or reblog. feed back is always appreciated. + join my taglist here

[fandom-collective-writers]

Masterlist

Birthday Fics (Members)

October Birthday Fics - 2018

Weekly Prompts

October 13th

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Secret Santa Fics 2018

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November 2018

Peiskos (Harr Silver)

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First Snow (Byron Wagner + Birthday Fic)

Birthday Fics (Suitors)

Ikemen Revolution

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Enchanted

Harr Silver (December 12)

And So It Began

Samurai Love Ballad: Party

Shingen Takeda (December 1)

Untitled

Requests

>IKEMEN SENGOKU<

Nobunaga Oda 1. Angst + Sengoku setting

The Cost of War

His Favorite “Toy”

2. Angst (Protecting MC backfires) - Breathe Deep (TW: Character Death) 3. Jealous!MC - Midnight Confession 4. Smut Prompt List #4 - Tangled Limbs (NSFW) 5. Angst Prompt List #75 - The Ashes of Us 6. Fluff + Smut Prompt

Endgame (NSFW)

What He’d Never Lose (NSFW)

Mitsuhide Akechi 1. 50 Types of Kisses Prompt - Knightly Etiquette 2. Fluff Confession - Outsmarting the Kitsune 3. Dom!Mitsuhide - All Tied Up  (NSFW) 4. Smut Prompt List #40 and #46

Library Mischief (NSFW)

Into the Fox’s Den (NSFW)

5. NSFW Headcanon - A, D, J, K, M, O, P, S, X, Y

Masamune Date 1. Fallen Out of Love - Five 2. Fluff/Angst Prompt List #56

Captive (TW: Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Character Death)

Rainy Day, Soft Tears

3. Word Prompt List (Apricity)

Sunshine and Goldfish

Warmth

The Warmth of Winter

4. Drabble Prompt List

Adventure and Terror

The Dragon’s Woman

The Bad Boy

what it means to be brave

5. Smut Prompt #42

The Dragoness Unleashed

Moan for me

Mitsunari Ishida 1. Fallen Out of Love - An Oblivious Genius

Ieyasu Tokugawa 1. 50 Types of Kisses Prompt - Fracture In The Veil 2. Fluff + Angst - For Her 3. Angst - To Never Love Again (TW: Character Death) 4. Slave Trader - Foreign 5. Angst/Fluff Prompt List #99

Her

Untitled

6. Angst.Fluff Prompt List #25 - The Sound of Loving (TW: Violence, Blood, Fighting, Injury)

7. Smut Prompt #58 - Better than Curry (NSFW)

Kenshin Uesugi 1.Angst + Fluff - Shutting the Princess Out 2. Hurt + Comfort Nightmare - Your Shield

Shingen Takeda 1. Secret Training Fluff + Smut - To Punish a Princess  (NSFW) 2. SFW Headcanon - B, V, Y

Sasuke Sarutobi 1. Smut Prompt List #6 - Hold On (NSFW)

Kennyo 1. Smut Prompt List #50 - Distraction (NSFW)

Group

Azuchi Warlords with a Child: - Oda Forces vs A Small Child

Other Pairings Hideyoshi/Mitsuhide 1. Smut Prompt List #23 - A Cup Full of Sake (NSFW)

Masamune/Mitsunari 1. Smut Prompt #39 - A Touch of Cinnamon (NSFW)

Nobunaga/Hideyoshi 1. Kisses Prompt - Safe in Your Arms

>IKEMEN REVOLUTION<

Ray Blackwell 1. Lapdance

HC: Untitled

Fic: More Fun

2. Drunk Confession - Is That A Confession? (NSFW)

Sirius Oswald 1. Fluff + Playing with baby

Gentle Smiles and Lullabies

Play Time

2. Smut Prompt List #15

Dirty Little Secret (NSFW)

3. Fluff/Angst Prompt

I will always protect you

Hunger Pains

4. Drabble Prompt List #40 - Letters 5. Slow Dance Prompt

Fleeting moments

Shall We Dance?

Let’s Dance

6. Smut Prompt #41 - Help Me Forget (NSFW) 7. Fluff Prompt

The Perfect Gift

Iris

Fenrir Godspeed 1. Angst + Fluff (MC is Hurt) - Just Keep Living (TW: Blood, Bruise, Injury Mentions) 2. Angst/Fluff Prompt List #94 - Initiate 3. Angst/Fluff Prompt List #82

Breathe (TW: Mention of Death, Mental Torture, Amnesia)

Breathe Alright

4. Fluff/Angst Prompt - Distance

Seth Hyde 1. Getting Jiggy with Seth (OW; NSFW) 2. Angst/Fluff Prompt List #33

Later

Bullet Holes at a Dance

Lancelot Kingsley 1. 50 Types of Kisses Prompt - A Kiss So Desperate 2. Wedding Day + Consummation - A Night to Remember (NSFW) 3. Smut Prompt #14 - Don’t let go (NSFW)

Jonah Clemence 1. Fluff (catching MC dancing) - Peek-A-Boo

Edgar Bright 1. 50 Types of Kisses Prompt

The Meaning behind Each Kiss

Light of My Life

2. Angst in Magic Tower - Tarnished Glove 3. Smut Prompt: Drunk on You (NSFW)

Kyle Ash 1. 50 Types of Kisses Prompt

Best Medicine

Wordlessly

Untitled

2. Fluff/Angst Prompt List #1

She’s not yours

Bad Medicine (TW: Angst, Depression)

3. Angst Prompt List - Rancour

Zero 1. Married prompt - First (NSFW)

Oliver Knight 1. SFW Headcanon - A, E, H, K, O, P, S, W

Harr Silver 1. Wedding Day + Consummation (NSFW)

My One And Only

Untitled

2. Smut Prompt List #9

Starved For Your Touch (NSFW, TW: Choking)

Ether (TW: Vampire Bite, Blood)

Amon Jabberwock 1. Angst/Fluff Prompt List #17 - Can I Stay? (TW: Light mention of abuse) 2. Smut - Mine and Yours (NSFW) 3. Angst Prompt - Mad King

Group

Cuddles and Sex Headcanon  (NSFW)

Argument Headcanon

Lance/Sirius/Harr/MC Birthday - Birthday Celebration

Period Headcanon

Lance/Sirius/Harr/MC Competition - A Competition for Your Hand

Angst/Fluff Prompt List #94 (Kyle/Fenrir/Mousse/MC) - Medical Meltdown (TW: Angst, Character Death, Blood) 

Smut Prompt List #49 (Dean/MC/Dalim) - A Twin Affair (NSFW)

Sirius/MC/Seth - Daffodil

Mousse/MC/Kyle Smut Prompt #8 - Three’s a Set (NSFW)

Ray/MC/Lancelot Smut Prompt #26 - A goodnight story (NSFW)

Other Pairings Ray/Fenrir 1. 50 Types of Kisses Prompt - Untitled 2.  Thursday (NSFW)

Jonah/Mousse 1. Smut Prompt List #31 - Take it Off (NSFW)

>MYSTIC MESSENGER<

Jumin Han 1. Prompt List - What Am I Without You (TW: Major character death, Depression, Denial)

Zen 1. Angst in Apartment Scenario - Close Call 2. SFW Headcanon - M

Vanderwood 1. Prompt List - Good to be Home

>THE ARCANA<

Asra 1. Jealous Female SO - Untitled  (NSFW) 2. Angst/Fluff Prompt List #86 - Don’t be scared, I’m right here

>MIDNIGHT CINDERELLA<

Alyn Crawford 1. Fluff + Angst - Nemesism

Sid (Lloyd Grandier) 1. Smut Prompt List #22

Get on your knees (NSFW)

Hey Jealousy (NSFW)

Nico Meier 1.  Of the Dark 2. You’ll always be safe with me - 1 & 2

Rayvis Harneit 1. Drowning in You (NSFW)

>SAMURAI LOVE BALLAD PARTY<

Hanzo Hattori 1. Lost A Bet - We bet and you lost

Group

Smut Prompt List #8 (Saizo/MC/Yukimura) - Three way confession (NSFW)

Other Pairings Saizo/Yukimura 1. Smut Prompt List #31 - You heard me. Take. It. Off. (NSFW) 2. Prompt - Drunken Nonsense

>SEVERAL SHADES OF SADISM<

Minami Kira 1. Fluff/Angst Prompt List #53 - Lost and Found

Mei Tarantino 1. Fluff Request - Grand Piano

>MR. LOVE: QUEEN’S CHOICE<

Lucien 1. Smut Prompt List #20 - A Steamy Bubble Bath

Gavin 1. NSFW Headcanon - B, C, E, K, Y (NSFW) 2.  Surrender (NSFW)

Victor 1. Word Prompt List (Irusu)

Not Tonight

Irusu

2. 50 Types of Kisses - Refuge from the Rain

>KISSED BY THE BADDEST BIDDER<

Ota Kisaki 1. Smut Prompt #40 - Be My Muse (NSFW)

Soryu Oh 1. Angst/Fluff Prompt #1 and 3 - Till Death do us Part

>IKEMEN VAMPIRE<

Napoleon Bonaparte 1. Smut Prompt

Let Me Hear (NSFW)

The Perfect Shot (NSFW)

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 1. Fluff Prompt - Music when you can’t sleep

Arthur Conan Doyle 1. Fluff/Angst Prompt

Haven

Together

2. Smut Prompt - Bound (NSFW)

Vincent van Gogh 1. Fluff Prompt - Velvet 

Theodorus van Gogh 1. Fluff/Angst Prompt - Confess to Me

William Shakespeare 1. Fluff Prompt - My World

Comte de Saint-Germain 1. Distracting work with kisses - Kissing Instead of Working 2. Smut Prompt - Something Sweet (NSFW) 3. Smut Prompt - Letters to You (NSFW)

Vlad 1. Fluff Prompt - Snip

[benito-cereno]

The Further Adventures of Santa Claus, chapter 2: The Count at the North Pole (Part one)

(Chapter 1 part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here. You should definitely read chapter 1 first.)

“No!” shouted the child who had been a puddle who had once been a child, as if she were a protoplasmic being that, upon being galvanized, careened through the billion-year process of evolution in a fraction of a second, leaving an upright, and righteously indignant, homo sapiens sapiens staring into the face of her tutor.

The tutor was somewhat taken aback by the sudden apparition of interest in the girl’s demeanor. “I’m sorry, what?”

The child flailed her arms above her head in anger. “You can’t even be serious about that story, you jerk!”

“First of all,” said the tutor, removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose, “I am nominally an authority figure in this scenario and you probably shouldn’t say ‘jerk’ to me.” He then glared hard at her through the side of his half-lidded and suspicious eyes. “That said, what do you feel was the matter with that perfectly good story?”

The child continued gesticulating wildly as the tutor looked on with disdain. “You just told a story about Santa Claus and Santa lost! Santa always wins everything! That's why he's not allowed to play the lottery!” She now jabbed an angry finger at the offended storyteller. “That is not how it would have played out at all! Where were the reindeer? I don't think you even said ‘North Pole’ at any point!” Pausing, she rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Additionally, I feel you played pretty fast and loose with what qualifies as a ‘ghost story.’”

“All right,” said the tutor, replacing his glasses and settling smugly back into his chair. “Why don’t we see if you’re better at telling stories than you are at reducing fractions. Give me the best story you’ve got.”

At this, the child stood stupefied, jaw slack, finger raised limply and half-heartedly, at half-mast. A second later, a shadow of inspiration crossed the child’s face, and her finger sprung to life and her eyes lit with excitement. “Yeah! I will! A real corker!”

And here, to the best of the tutor’s recollection, is the story she told:

The North Pole! A tall, candy-striped pole rises high above the snow drifts! It stands as a marker to the northernmost point of this island Earth, as well as the signpost to Santa Claus Village!

But what’s this? Suddenly, the crystalline globe at the top of the pole begins to blink steadily with a bright red warning light! “Bnk! Bnk! Bnk!” goes the blinking light.

From underneath the pole, a hatch from some unknown subterranean facility begins to rise from the snow. A blanket of white falls all around the top of the hatch. The light of the globe, blinking though it is, reveals a long metal corridor leading at an incline deep into the earth. Out of the shadows at the depth of the run, something is coming. From the inky depths, the sound of bells.

BELLS ARE RINGING, CHILDREN SINGING. ALL IS MERRY AND BRIGHT.

But is it? A figure who had been buried in snow now rises, shedding the frosty cloak with which he had draped himself.  Before him is revealed the fully unusual but still fully expected sight of reindeer beginning to soar out of the hatch.

“At last!” exclaims the mysterious figure as Santa and his sleigh, pulled by a full team of nine reindeer, burst out of the hatch, hurtling into the sky, issuing forth a chorus of tintinnabulation and a raucous “HO! HO! HO!”

The figure, now having fully shed his snowy mantle, reveals himself to be dressed in black from head to toe, a stark contrast against the snowy ground as he leapt through the air with preternatural strength and speed toward the cannonball of cheer that was Santa’s sleigh.

HANG YOUR STOCKINGS AND SAY YOUR PRAYERS--

--BECAUSE DRACULA STALKS THE NIGHT!

The Lord of the Vampires rocketed through the sky and burst through the body of Vixen, who exploded into a fine pink mist as Dracula clawed his way over all of the other reindeer toward the sleigh. “SANTA!” he shouted with a vengeful glee.

At the reins, Santa’s face was covered equally with the blood spray of his cervine friend and a look of shock. “DRACULA?” he sputtered with incredulity.

Dracula, covered in gore, reached a clawed hand toward Santa. His face bore a menacing smile. “I’ve come for my revenge,” he said coolly.

The normally jolly old elf struggled to right his sleigh, which was now piloted by eight spooked reindeer dragging the mutilated corpse of their comrade through the air as it hung lifelessly from the line. As Santa yanked at the reins, the count successfully made his way to the front of the sleigh.

“Your revenge?” shouted Santa indignantly. “You came out the better in our last encounter, vampire!”

Dracula shook his fist in rage at the fur-clad figure in front of him. “That may be, elf, but oh, what you did after!” In his mind’s eye, he could picture the sadistic glee with which Santa had doubtlessly applied his name--DRACULA--to the top of his notorious Naughty List. He shook off this painful image and shouted, “You know what you did to my name! I was never able to bounce back!” In rage, the vampire swiped a gnarled and claw-tipped hand at Santa, who just barely managed to dodge while still keeping grip on the reins. “Everyone knew me after that, and knew my nature! Everyone knew the curse of Dracula!” His shadowy eyes flashed red. “A tarnished reputation garners no man an invitation into a stranger's home.”

Santa placed the sole of his black leather work boot on the crawling vampire’s face and gave him the least gentle shove he could muster, trying desperately to keep control of his careening sleigh at the same time.

Dracula’s own desperation showed as he reached for the red and white mass at the helm with his vampiric talons, screaming, “You've ruined me, elf! You have no idea what you did!” His mind’s eye flashed once again to the sight of a pile of rats, drained of blood in an alley. “Or what I had to do to survive!”

At this memory, the black-cloaked count hissed like a cornered animal and his wild, thrashing swipe finally found purchase, raking three trails of blood across Santa’s face.

Santa calmly touched the fresh cuts on his face. Lowering his hand, he saw the blood that now stained his mitten. “Very well, vampire,” he said, tying the reins to the sleigh. He turned behind him and reached into his bulging sack of toys that he had intended to deliver to all the good girls and boys of Earth that very night. “I have something here for you.”

Dracula, perched on the beak of the sleigh like some hideous bird of prey, hissed with disdain. “Unless it is five centuries of reparations, elf, I have little interest--”

Santa interrupted. “No, I think you'll like it.  After all,” he said, standing back to his full height and revealing what he had pulled out of his sack: two large stake carved out of sprigs of holly, “‘tis the season to be sharing, Vlad.”

The gift-bringer lunged at Dracula with one stake, aiming for his heart. But Dracula at the last second turned into a cloud of mist, and Santa’s fruitless momentum caused him to fly through where Dracula once was and then tumble off the side of the sleigh.

“Hah!” cackled Dracula, rematerializing as Santa fell. What he didn’t count on was the speed with which the falling Santa managed to grab Dracula’s once again corporeal cloak, pulling him out of the sleigh with him.

“Hah, indeed!” retorted Santa as the two figures, one corpulent and red, the other gaunt and black, freefell through the night sky, with the lights of the city twinkling below them. The reindeer, now pilotless, streaked off toward the horizon.

Santa, still gripping his stakes, struggled to stab the squirming lord of the vampires as they plummeted toward the earth. “In my travels and experiences, Count, I have learned that basketballs bounce. Volleyballs, kickballs, soccer balls, even bumbles bounce. Tell me, sir...do vampires?”

Inside a suburban home, two children dressed in footie pajamas sat in a fire-lit family room bedecked with tree and stockings and lights perked up their ears as they heard a sound whistling through the sky toward their roof.

“Up on the housetop--!” said one.

“Do you hear what I hear?” asked the other.

It wasn’t through the chimney that this visit from Saint Nicholas came, however, but straight through the roof of their house, which splintered and shattered from the impact of the two immortal bodies that crashed into it from the heights of the stratosphere.

Despite their house being destroyed, the roaring crash, and the fact that they were now covered in debris, the two children were overjoyed to see the man with all the toys in their very home. “Santa! Santa!” they cried, picking up a platter of cookies and milk, now covered in splinters of wood, bits of shingle, and insulation fluff, and carrying it toward the fallen gift-bringer.

“Children!” shouted Santa, bloodied and bruised and crawling toward the frightened tots. “Santa needs cookies for strength!”

Behind him, Dracula regained his feet. He grabbed Santa by the boot and dragged him away from the children. “You'll not get away that easily, you ponderous pixie!”

Dracula hurled Santa like a hammer throw through the house’s picture window, which exploded in a shower of glass slivers that fell like rain on the blanket of snow outside. Santa’s massive form, depleted of all strength, plowed through the snow until, momentum expended, it slid to a terrible stop somewhere in the yard.

Stepping out through the massive hole in the side of the house where once a window gazed out upon the front yard, Dracula grabbed the supine Santa by the front of his red fur coat and slammed him pitilessly against the aluminum siding of the neighboring house.

“At last!” cackled the undead son of the dragon. “My final revenge is nigh! Any final words, you wretch, before I rip out your throat?”

Santa, bloodied and crying, gazed deep into the starry sky. “I've seen things you wouldn't believe. Gumdrop ships on fire off the coast of Candyland. I watched snowflakes glitter in the dark near the peppermint mines of the Yukon. All these moments will be lost in time...like tears in snow…”

Dracula’s jaws opened to such an inhuman degree they seemed to have come unhinged. As he lunged his long, pointed canines toward the white-bearded jugular, he gleefully shrieked:

“Time to die!”