#Sai Writes

[evilkaeya]

Hi everyone I woke up and realized I have the power to write literally anything I want to so I gave Light Yagami period cramps. Read here.

[kermits-cup-of-tea]

i've been learning asl for the past year, i wanted to know how to speak with those in the Deaf community and unexpectedly i fell in love with it

with the ease it takes to speak it, it comes almost naturally now. but oddly, its the sounds i love most

the laughter unbridled, no fear of being heard, hands on hands on hands, the tapping of knuckles and palms together the only thing the rest of the world can understand while we paint our words in gestures. and it feels almost wrong to say i love the sound of asl

to say i appreciate something that you can't. but maybe thats what love is

[arcturusreads]

Comfort

pairing: elizabeth bennet & fitzwilliam darcy word count: 1128 words request: yes/no prompt/summary:  Elizabeth Darcy was not a woman that was scared of anything... except maybe one thing... a/n: re-reading pride and prejudice and just wanted some moments of domestic fluff for these two

Lizzie had been Mrs Elizabeth Darcy of Pemberley for 3 months. 3 months of bliss with her husband, Fitzwilliam. 3 months of having a new sister in Georgiana. 3 months of being the mistress of an estate that had at first scared her. It had taken her time to find her feet, in all truth she was still finding them. But Darcy and their staff had been patient and understanding, giving her the room and time to make her mistakes and learn from them. And she was beginning to get used to Pemeberely and all of her responsibilities. 

It brought Darcy a great amount of joy to see his wife so happy in her new home. He’d been worried that she’d hate it. That she would be homesick and wouldn’t be able to settle but she was happy at Pemberley. She was at home there and he didn’t think the sight of seeing her in one of the many rooms would ever get old. To know the woman that he loved was only ever a short walk away. 

But on one particular night, Lizzie didn't feel quite so settled in her home. The sound of the wind whistling outside, paired with the heavy rain that was battering the windows had made her jump awake. She looked over to the other side of the bed to see that Darcy was still sound asleep. She’d learnt early on that he was a relatively heavy sleeper but even she couldn’t understand how he was able to sleep through this. 

“It’s just some rain, Lizzie. It’ll be fine. You can go back to sleep,” she whispered to herself. But the weather had other ideas, and a loud crack of thunder made her jump once again. 

Slightly shaking at the sound, Lizzie slipped out of bed, making her way into the sitting room just outside of their now shared bedchamber. She hoped that a slightly larger area might not make the sound so loud and scary. Lizzie didn’t have a problem with rain. She loved walks in them and her husband had often had to pull her back inside to stop her from catching a cold. The rain was never a problem but thunderstorms were a different story. Whilst Lizzie was often the strong one out of her sisters, the one that they would run to when they needed protecting, Lizzie found herself more often than not seeking out their comfort when there was a storm. Or more specifically, seeking out Jane. Jane knew whenever there was a thunderstorm that Lizzie would often be up most of the night, too scared to sleep. So, she would grab whatever novel Lizzie had been reading at the time and read to her to try and divert her younger sister’s mind. And if that failed, she was able to keep Lizzie entertained with another ridiculous story about their mother. But Jane wasn’t here. She was with her own husband at Netherfield and Lizzie was here alone. Sat down in an empty, and slightly cold, room with the storm only getting worse outside. She had contemplated waking her own husband up but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Darcy was busy enough during the day, there was always something that he had to attend to. And yet he would still find time to seek her out during the day and spend a little bit of time with her before work called him again. No, he had too much on his plate. He needed his rest and not to be woken up by his wife who was scared of a little thunder and lightning. 

Finding that the larger room was not helping her at all, and was in fact making her fears worse, Lizzie had decided that heading back to bed was the best idea. Maybe with Darcy beside her at least, she might calm down enough to get to sleep again. 

“Elizabeth?” 

Lizzie jumped at the sound of her name and quickly turned around to see her husband with sleep still in his eyes and a candle in his hand. He hurried over and took a seat next to her, brow furrowed in concern. 

“I’m sorry, I hadn’t meant to startle you. Is everything okay? I woke up to find the bed empty.” 

Placing the candle down on the table in front of them, Fitzwilliam took both of Lizzie’s hands in his. The concern hadn’t left his face. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll be back to bed now. Please don’t worry.” Lizie  strained a smile at him, feeling awful that he’d broken his sleep to find out if she was okay. 

Darcy was about to open his mouth to say something when there was another crack of thunder, causing Lizzie to jump once again, her eyes wide. Taking in his wife’s demeanor, Darcy finally understood. 

“You don’t like thunderstorms do you?” 

Lizzie gave a small shake of her head. Her husband’s reaction wasn’t what she’d expected it to be, when he immediately stood up. 

“Fitzwilliam-” her sentence got cut off as he bent down and lifted her up in his arms and gently carried her back to their shared bedchamber. 

“You should have woken me,” he kissed her cheek as he set her down on the bed before joining her on the other side. 

“I didn’t want to bother you. It seems so childish… to be scared of the weather…”

Darcy didn’t waste any time in gathering his wife in his arms and pulling the blanket over them. “It isn’t childish. I’m your husband, Lizzie. Whenever you need me, I’ll be here.”

A loud crack of thunder followed by rain once again battering the windows made Lizzie hide her face in Darcy’s chest. Seeking the comfort that she knew only he could give. Marriage had come with a lot of challenges for both of them but one of the biggest ones for them both was learning that they could rely and lean on someone else when needed. For Darcy, he had spent so many years looking after Geogiana, his staff, his tenants and he didn’t resent any of that but after his parents had passed he’d never found someone to confide in and lean on. His cousin helped but wasn’t always present. And for Lizzie, more often than not, she was the one who people leant on in her family. Well, at least Jane and her father did. And Jane had been there for her as much as she could but there were some things that Lizzie knew that Jane wouldn’t always understand and she was left to shoulder things on her own. But with her husband’s arms wrapped around her, his lips pressed to her head, Lizzie didn’t know how she had ever lived without his comfort. 

[sainotavailable]

pairings — Venti, Kazuha, Wanderer, Xiao, Kaeya, and Al-Haitham x gn!Reader

summary — You checked your pantry and wow! You don't have shit besides spiders chillin' in the corner of the cabinet. It's time to shop, and your s/o wants to go with you (or in Al-Haitham's case, you drag him along). Would he behave himself and is he OK to bring to society?

tags / warnings — crack / fluff / HCs, almost all of them are insane. kazuha is HIGH ASF, wanderer is an asshole (canon), venti and kaeya have crippling alcoholism, PDA, established relationship, please stop taking these men outside.

A/N — this is my first post. i'm sorry you had to read it but i just write stupid crack hc's or weird shit. also i'm crying because tumblr deleted the first draft i was gonna post. absolutely in tears rn.

Venti “Huh, you’re going to the market? Can I come, can I come!?”

As soon as you step foot into the market, expect him to dash in front of you in search for wine. If you’re in another nation or they’re sold out of his favorite booze, he will drop to his knees and BAWL (but it sounds rly pretty cuz he’s a good bard yk like a disney princess)

you urge him to stand up because he’s being embarrassing and that just makes him roll around on the dirty ass floor because he’s a fucking drama king. legit doing it to spite you even tho you didn’t do shit. however once he recovers he’ll…

put random shit into the basket (no he doesn’t need it he just thinks maybe in the future one of u might. please take it out)

will buy plastic bendy straws so he can drink his alcohol in a silly goofy way

will find a way to eat more than 1 free sample at the food stalls (has a fake mustache for this occasion)

if he finds wine that’s rly expensive he will attempt to seduce you into purchasing it for him (dont feed into his alcoholism)

will try to go into the basket (even if its handheld)

expect him to serenade you the entire time you're shopping, too

also he will hold ur hand and just be all over u. he loves u sm <3

will complain once he gets tired (its only been 10 minutes)

overall, terrible to bring. leave him at home

Kazuha “Oh, have we run out of goods? May I accompany you?”

As you shop, you kind of forget he’s even there until he picks something up to take a closer look and makes a comment. He mostly just chills and follows you around. But…

he actually might be high

how many nakuweeds did u have before you two left? did u count???

all of a sudden he’s adding random snaccs to the basket. when did he ever eat this shit?

as you watch him stuff a dozen doughnuts into ur basket that’s when u realize he might have some crazy munchies. maybe u should ask??

actually maybe not he looks really out of it. he ated all the weeds

as you try and put away some of the shit he put in you see him staring at the local cats

he doesn't know wtf is going on

you should probably go back home now

overall, probably fine to bring with you when he’s not high as a kite

Wanderer “Where are you going? To the market? . . . I better go with you—no, not because I want to, but because you’ll get that generic store brand shit.”

He’s mad and he doesn’t wanna be there, but bc you’re such an asshole who buys generic great value tea. anyways even tho he looks really mad, he doesn’t mind being with you (what a shit) will wander (heh) away from you and look at other stuff. if u try and contain him he’ll get pissy about it and insist he’s an independent puppet-man and he’s not gonna commit tomfoolery anymore. anyways so…

he doesn’t care if ur trying to save mora, he WILL have his namebrand inazuman tea!!!

maybe he won’t… because he understands prices are very tough right now. BUT its not because you told him to, you fucking box

gets PISSED and will become a karen if the cashier doesn’t say hi to him

our boy is toxic and i will not fluff him down this is just him and u like it

will slap your hand if you try and hold his hand. like, not hard. but like, the way a cat slaps your hand when its tired of you petting it.

will hold ur hand if u try a second time but his grip is rly tight cause bro is always tense asf

overall, don’t bring him if you like the store/market you’re going to. you might get banned

Xiao “You’re going to the market? I see . . . It’s getting dark out, so I’ll come with you.”

You know he’s anxious about being around so many people, but he wants to protect you <3<3 so he’ll overcome this obstacle and follow you around like a lost puppy…

actually he’s really close

like holy shit back up xiao, he’s right against ur back

you dont bother to say anything bc yk he’ll say some shit like “YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE ADEPTI”

actually maybe you should grab his hand because he legit looks like a deer in headlights

will hold ur groceries for you bc he’s so strong <3

u can't hold his hand because he's holding his giant fucking polearm "just in case" and holding your bags in the other, so maybe hold his arm??

he loves that shit even if he doesnt admit it

might suddenly leave with ur groceries if he’s called or some shit, will return with torn bags but its ok he did everything he could to fix it!

by fix it i mean now he’s just holding everything and pierced it into his spear

you should just be happy he has everything. don’t comment on it

overall, 10/10. besides the anxiety, he likes being near you even if he doesnt admit it. ur groceries are safe with him just like you are <3<3

Kaeya “Groceries? Oho, well. I have some time, why don’t I go with you? You’ll need a big strong captain to carry all your bags, after all.”

Even if you didn’t want to bring him, he’s coming with you anyways. I think the best part about Kaeya is he’ll stick by your side throughout the trip to the market and follow you around wherever you go.

Honestly, out of everyone else, it feels like he might be the best one to bring with you…

plez expect him to have an arm slung over your shoulders or snaked around your waist. he loves pda!

EXCEPT! he is the KING OF CONSENT(tm) he will only do it if you say its ok! what a sigma chad wtf

i hope you like talking because kaeya fucking loves chatting while shopping. he will not be quiet for long even if you tell him to stfu

even if you’re not the chatty type and you’re pretty quiet, he’ll talk for you. about his day, what he did that morning (even if u already know), what he’s gonna do later, he will not leave a single detail out.

hey btw remember when i said he won’t leave ur side? i lied. don’t trust anyone on the internet.

he will 100% leave your side for the booze market. he is more interested in imported wine that he can get his hands on

will return to you with 6 bottles and insist they’re for you both to share. please stop feeding into his alcoholism

he will carry your bags btw. all of them. he will have both arms packed with bags and won’t complain, might just tease you a little tho.

overall, a fantastic man to bring with you to grocery shop. can protect u cuz he’s a strong cavalry captain who will hold ur belongings without complaint. just feed him booze <3<3

Al-Haitham “. . . Fine, I’ll go with you to pick up some things. I need to pick up a new book to take to work, anyway.”

The moment you enter the marketplace, you most likely will never find your partner again. At least, not until later in your shopping trip. He literally disappeared, where the fuck did he go?

Its only half way through that you find him and see him sitting on one of the benches, flipping through the new book he purchased. You call for him, but his soundproof earpieces are in effect. You snatch the book out of his hands to get his attention and bother him enough to follow you. He lets out a sigh, but gets up anyway…

u rly should’ve left him there cuz he’s so quiet. he might still have his earpieces on.

he’ll follow you around by your side and he’ll hold your bags, too. he’s got big strong arms for a fuckin reason!!

half way through he’ll start reading his book again, sorry but shopping is rly boring to him ok

al-haitham isn’t a pda person btw don’t touch him

might hold ur hand.

will hold ur hand if the cashier is too sus for his liking

maybe

if you run into kaveh while shopping he will leave. if ur holding hands he will leave with u even if u didnt pay for ur shit yet.

overall, um. he’s definitely an option. he’ll hold ur bags??? he just wants to go back home

[d3kusite]

STILL MINE x hanta sero

summary: after hearing of your recent engagement w/ iida, your ex boyfriend, sero, sneaks into your room.

18+// mdni

word count: 1442

content: cheating, dub con, possessiveness, spanking, clit slapping, usage of the word ‘slut’, (raw) vaginal sex, degradation? creampie, orgasm denial, manipulation?

pairing: hanta sero x fem!reader

note: hi!! my first nsfw post for mha. i’ve had this idea stuck in my head for months… hope y’all like ^ - ^ yes, this is inspired by romeo santos’ “eres mia” .

you should’ve known something was amiss. everything was going too well. the engagement, and the planning of the event, down to both the bachelor and bachelorette parties. even the rehearsal dinner had gone well. less than twenty-four hours remain before you tie the knot with tenya. tenya, who is the kindest man you’ve ever met. tenya, who, somehow, prioritizes you while keeping on top of his hero work. not at all like your last ex. you shake your head, forcing thoughts of him out of your mind as you change into your sleeping wear in your room. today had been the rehearsal dinner, and it had gone as perfectly as you want.

a slight breeze brings a shiver to your body. a breeze, that shouldn’t have existed, not when you know when you left your room earlier today, your windows had been closed. walking towards your windows, your heart falls to your stomach as you notice the open window. before you can retrace your actions from the day, a hand covers your mouth. your scream is muffled as you try to fight against the intruder. 

“shh, baby, it’s me, it’s me,” the intruder’s voice is both breathy and raspy, with an underlying amused tone. his body is pressed behind yours, his free arm wrapped around your waist. you hate how after months, it’s still so familiar. “i can’t believe i leave for the states only for you to get engaged to the iida. iida. really? he’s so boring, baby.”

he continues speaking as he starts playing pressing light kisses to your exposed shoulders, “he’s so cold too… doesn’t deserve you.”

he finally uncovers your mouth and you immediately speak with venom on your tongue, “he’s a much better man than you are, sero.”

“sero, huh? no longer “hanta”?” he chuckles as he moves onto your neck, “kirishima was telling me how iida’s a jealous man. did you know he banned me from the venue? he must think i’ll steal his girl…” he bites down on your shoulder, drawing a gasp from you. you bite back a whine as you feel him smirk against your lips. “i guess he was right, huh?”

“why are you in my room?” you whisper as he switches to remove your clothes. he throws you onto your bed, and in the back of your mind, you know this is wrong. you’re engaged to iida. not sero. “we broke up.”

“did we?” he mutters under his breath as he starts unbuckling his belt. he laughs as he sees you hungrily eye him, “for someone who is getting married tomorrow, you sure are acting sluttily for a man who isn’t your fiance.”

he must have used some kind of quirk on you because why can’t you move? he must’ve bewitched you. you’d never cheat. never. but… you can’t help it as you moan as he presses his lips to your breasts. he hungrily laps at your nipples, drawing a moan out from you. he’s still in his hero uniform as he presses his boner against you. 

“have you fucked him?” sero asks as he unlatches from your nipples. his smile falls when you nod. your surroundings spin as he flips you over. “guess i’ll have to claim you again.”

“s-sero-,” you begin to protest but he pushes your face into the sheets. you whimper as he presses his hardon against your ass, and you can’t help but squirm a bit. it seems to set him off and you can only yelp against your sheets as he forcedly enters you. there’s already some wetness dripping down your things and your face warms with embarrassment. 

his grip is tight on your hips as he begins fucking you without mercy. you move your hips back, meeting him as he thrusts inside you. whimpers and groans along with the sound of skin slapping skin resound through the room. 

“such a slut,” sero says as he increases his pace. one of his hands reaches out to your shoulder, lifting you up slightly. you moan freely, no longer caring as he continues remolding your pussy into the shape of his dick again. “fuck, i missed this pussy so much. dropped an entire mission to fucking see you again. shit-so tight-, you sure you let him hit?” 

“y-you have the biggest ego,” you manage to say as he leans down to suck a hickey into your shoulder, ignoring your whines of protest. 

“do i?” his voice is cocky as he leans back up. he grabs one of your legs and lifts them enough for him to get deeper inside you. “is it egotistical to just want you back?”

“i’m not yours anymore,” you say, but it’s weak. you know he doesn’t buy it either as he laughs and the sound only makes your stomach churn. 

“please, playing stupid doesn’t fit you,” he hisses as he thrusts harder, “you’re mine and you know it,” a particularly hard thrust has you seeing stars. it only boosts his ego, “there it is. did he ever find that spot?”

any reservations you had are gone now and you shake your head. you can barely recognize your voice as you sob, “no, he never did.”

“thought so. did he ever even make you cum?” he doesn’t wait for an answer as he continues fucking you. 

“‘m gonna cum,” you whisper as you start to move a hand down towards your clit. he slaps it away before you can. “‘m gonna cum’,” he mocks you before turning you on your back. “no, you’re not. you’re gonna cum on my dick alone.’

he pushes his cock into you again, cursing as he does. you wrap your legs around his waist and you can’t find yourself caring about the smug look he gives you as you do. he leans forward to kiss your tears away, “tomorrow, what do you think will happen if i sneak into the reception? if i tell your husband that the woman he loves is only a loan because you’re still mine?”

“y-you wouldn’t dare!” you hiccup as you wrap your arms around his neck. his thrusts only get quicker and harder as he laughs against your neck.

“you know it’s true,” he says as he sucks a hickey into your neck, “you know you still love me,” he thrusts again at the end of the sentence, and you throw your head back in pleasure. “c’mon baby, i know you’re close. such a slut, letting yourself get fucked by someone who isn’t your fiance.”

“‘m…not yours,” you lie. both of you know it’s a lie as his moans become airy and shaky. he calls you out on it, “liar. this pussy,” he reaches down to slap your clit, making you cry out, “is mine,” his hand moves down to your ass and he slaps it, “so is this ass,” his lips move down to your chest, pressing a kiss, “and so is your heart. it’s never been iida’s. never.”

the pleasure from his dick constantly hitting your spot with his words make you cum, immediately clenching down on him. he swears and you recognize the familiar tremble in his body as he cums inside of you. it only makes both of you moan louder as he marks you again as his. he collapses on top of you, limp as you close your eyes tiredly. you don’t have the energy to move him away from you as he grabs your chin. “hey,” he says quietly.

“what?” you ask tearfully as you gain clairty post-orgasm.

“i was serious earlier. i want you back,” he says and you shake your head. 

“don’t say that.”

“don’t marry him. i’ll prove to you i’ve changed,” his voice is gentle and warm, but you know if you continue listening you’ll just fall for empty promises again. “don’t get married tomorrow. stand him up. i’m sure uraraka or someone else can mend his heart back together. maybe aoyama.”

“no, hanta. get out.”

“baby, please-”

“get the fuck out!” you yell as you manage to push him off, avoiding eye contact with him as you cover yourself up with your sheets. “you abandoned me and i didn’t even get an explanation. i don’t care what you have to say.”

he doesn’t respond as he gets out of your bed, silently redressing. once he’s done, he walks over to your window, beginning to leave. he pauses when he hears you sniffle.

“i’ll be waiting back at our old place,” is all he says as he slips out your window, not sparing you another glance. 

he knew from the second you said his first name again that he’d have you back in no time. 

[tails-and-scales]

Meeting Solstice

(So I had an idea due to the art I've seen of Sun and Dream meeting, and @firedrakegirl got to listen to many a ramble on this. I wrote this before the Sun and Moon lamia were even a part of the shop, so I hope you enjoy the little drabble of a new family member joining!)

Adjusting the fabric around the single egg in the medbay with Gibbous curled around it as well, the rescued Lumen would talk quietly to the egg and Sai would tenderly scritch under his jaw, mindful of the scars. Sana and Neo were in for a checkup, mainly checking on how their scares were healing and how Sana was dealing with his false fang.

Layl and Fajar were settled on Sai's head, snuggled together to help ward off the slight chill from the winter air that tried to seep through the windows, and Laminae was spending time with her mate and their children in the nursery. The others were having a rather sleepy morning as it was just past the new year, and with sleepy mornings and cold winter air meant a good chunk of bitties were all bunched up in piles snoozing, even the centaurs were in the shop, the selkies enjoying the chill in their near ice like water. Occasionally a few would poke their heads up to look into the medbay, waving before diving back into the water.

The sound of a crack would make one of Sai's ears twitch, her eyes darting over to Gibbous as he watched the egg in shock. Bits of shell scattered as a pair of orange wings seemed to stretch, black hands shoving away more shell and out emerged a slightly smaller than normal Sun lamia that looked mildly confused before laying his mismatched eyes on the Lumen curled around him in the nest. Chirring curiously, his head would tilt before he would lunge forward, Sai yelping in shock as she darted over to the pair, prepared to pull them apart before realizing that the new hatchling was snuggling up to the Lumen.

"I... Are you ok Gibbous?" She would ask softly, watching the Sun carefully.

"No bites, only snuggle-" He responded before squeaking as the damp wings would ruffle and wrap around him.

Oh dear- She needed to get the little Sun cleaned up before he got sick from the chill, hurrying to a warmer to pull out a warm towel to help dry his wings and at least help him get cleaned up. Despite the snap of fangs at her in his wary state, thinking she might harm his new bonded, with enough encouragement from Gibbous, she would be able to clean him up and get him dressed up before calling for Torque through their bond.

"Torque, can you tell- Did he pick Gibbous for his bonded?" She would ask the Chain softly, watching his behavior as it was very similar to how the other Sun lamia treated their bonded Moons.

A simple nod would make her huff a soft smile before fondly shaking her head in mild exasperation. A Lumen without a Nocturne and a Sun without a Moon, what a pair to say the least. At least Gibbous didn't seem to mind too much, content to snuggle with his new companion.

"Welcome to the family, Solstice, don't you worry, you'll be safe with us, little one."

[roach-works]

speculative fiction writers i am going to give you a really urgent piece of advice: don't say numbers. don't give your readers any numbers. how heavy is the sword? lots. how old is that city? plenty. how big is the fort? massive. how fast is the spaceship? not very, it's secondhand.

the minute you say a number your readers can check your math and you cannot do math better than your most autistic critic. i guarantee. don't let your readers do any math. when did something happen? awhile ago. how many bullets can that gun fire? trick question, it shoots lasers, and it shoots em HARD.

you are lying to people for fun. if you let them do math at you the lie collapses and it's no fun anymore.

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[incandescent-creativity]

Do you ever write a sentence and then realize “Nah, that’s too self aware for you” and backspace a bunch of times.

[fromcainwithlove]

author’s notes today: hey guys so just a warning there isn’t 100% explicit verbal consent even though they’re both really into it so remember this is FICTION, also they don’t use a condom :((( but in real life safe sex is important!!! please be safe out there everyone

a/n back in the day: kept thinking about ____ stabbing knives through both of _____’s hands to pin him in place while they fucked so here you go lol =P

[smallestflowtree]

PSA for fanfic writers

[evilkaeya]

uhm so. haikaveh fic ft horrifically down bad and smitten alhaitham (and a very supportive mehrak). enjoy.

[kermits-cup-of-tea]

momma im tired

momma my body is betraying me

momma im losing control

momma i know you dont like my tattoos

momma they're all i can control

momma the things i used to do are disappearing

momma the future i had is slipping away

momma im becoming a caged tiger

momma im scared to become a ghost in my body

momma im hiding behind myself

momma i want you to carry me to bed again

momma save me

momma i dont want to do this anymore

momma

[arcturusreads]

I Will Wait For You - Merhayes

pairing: meredith grey x cormac hayes word count: 1395 request: yes/no prompt/summary: meredith opens up to some people about her split with cormac and realises that maybe she cared more than she was letting on a.n: still not over them. will never get over them. ao3: saiwriteswords

“Panic attacks?”

“Yes.”

“So, you two are on pause or what?”

“I don’t know! No? I don��t think so. I think we’re just kind of… done… not dating. Not on pause. No expectations of anything else happening. We’re just friends again I guess…” It felt like a stab to her stomach as Meredith admitted the reality of the situation to her sisters.

They were done before they’d even begun and under any other circumstances, Meredith would have been angry. She would have been fuming at the situation. But how could she blame him when he was just trying to look out for his son? Wouldn’t she have done the same thing? She knew she would have. There was no other choice. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt her. That she didn’t wish there was some other way that they could make this work. But there wasn’t and wishful thinking had never gotten her anywhere before. So, what was the point in starting now?

“Are you okay though?” Maggie’s tone was softer than Amelia’s. Less intrusive and that almost made Meredith feel worse. She didn’t want people to pity her. Especially over a guy.

“Yeah. I mean, we never really started anything anyway and his kids should come first.”

And that fact alone didn’t help either. He was a good Dad. A great one. Why wouldn’t she want to be with a guy that wasn’t only good with kids but also had kids himself? She never had to worry about being pulled away when one of hers had a stomach bug or a last-minute dance recital she might have forgotten about because he got it and it had made everything so much easier. Her kids were the most important thing in her life but it also made dating incredibly difficult. Cormac understood that there were always going to be three little people that would come before him because to him there would always be two teenagers that would come before her. And was exactly what this situation was: Cormac needing to make sure his kids were okay before anything else.

--- --- --- --- ---

“Do you want me to come over and kick his ass?”

“You’ve never even met the guy, Alex.”

Alex shrugged through the video call, “Doesn’t matter. When’s that ever stopped me?”

“The last thing me or Izzie need is you in jail… again. It’s like I said, it’s fine. It’s whatever.”

“Sure. That’s why you rang me at 2 am,” he deadpanned, and Meredith didn’t really have an answer to that. “Seriously, Mer, how are you actually feeling about this. Because when Riggs and DeLuca broke up with you, you didn’t care.”

“First of all, they both didn’t break up with me. And second of all, it’s not that I didn’t care.” Meredith tried to argue with him.

Alex just rolled his eyes, “DeLuca definitely broke up with you and Riggs’ ex came back from the dead. Sorry I wasn’t more specific, and you didn’t care. I’m not saying that you didn’t care about them, but you didn’t care when you guys broke up. But you care with this Hayes guy.”

“It doesn’t even matter if I care or not.” Meredith blurted out. “It doesn’t matter because we can’t be together because he has to take care of his kids and you can’t even hate him for a reason like that. And maybe I shouldn’t even be trying to date again because I had my one great love and maybe this in the universe trying to slap me back into place for asking for more.”

A string of unsuccessful dates and relationships had led Meredith to these thoughts in the dark of her bedroom on way too many nights. She knew that she’d never find a love like Derek again. Maybe she’d been stupid to think that she would ever been in another relationship again. It’s not like her life was completely unfulfilled. She had her kids, her career, two sisters that drove her crazy, but she wouldn’t do without them, a nephew, good friends. She had a lot more than most people; a lot more than she had growing up. And there were days Meredith hated herself for wanting more. For wanting someone to wake up next to in the morning again. Derek had been enough. More than enough to last a lifetime but a lifetime with him wasn’t what she ended up getting. And Meredith had eventually gotten her head around that fact. It had taken a while and there were still split second when she woke up in the morning and thought that he would be next to her. 

She had managed to accept the thought of dating again, and as much as she hated to admit it, Alex was right. Hayes was the only guy she had actually cared about when he broke up with her. He was the only guy that she had actually managed to imagine a future with. With DeLuca and Riggs, she’d liked them, she could see herself with them for a few months at a time. But it had been difficult for her to see a long-term future. With Hayes, it seemed so easy. The thought didn’t scare her enough to want to run away.

“The universe isn’t slapping you back into place, Mer.” Alex softened his tone. He knew what Meredith was like when she got like this.

“Then what exactly is it doing?” She glared at him.

“When you met Derek, he was a married man.”

“Yeah and I was the slutty intern, I get it.” Sometimes it felt like she could never get away from that.

“No, I’m not on about that. He was married and then Addison turned up and you fought for him, Mer. You wanted to be with Derek, so you fought for him and it worked out in the end.”

Frustrated, Meredith ran a hand through her hair. “I can’t really fight for Hayes when he’s doing this for his kids, Alex. Even I know that there’s a line there that you don’t cross.”

“Mer, do you like this guy?”

Meredith stayed silent for a minute, making Alex impatient. “Mer?”

“Yes.” She finally admitted stubbornly.

“Enough to wait for him?”

“He doesn’t want me to wait, Alex. Doesn’t that tell you everything?”

“Because he cares about you!”

“You don’t know that!”

Alex felt like hitting his head against a wall. He loved Meredith but she could be so stubborn sometimes that talking to her was like navigating a hostage situation. “Mer, I’m a guy. I know how guys think. And I might not know him, but Hayes doesn’t sound like the type of person that just lets anyone into his life. He sounds like he cares about you. A lot. But do you care about him enough to wait?”

“Alex, he-“

“I’m not asking you what he said, Mer. I’m asking, do you care enough to wait?”

Mer bit her lip. She knew what the answer was. That wasn’t something she needed to think about but the reality of it scared her. It scared her that she cared enough to do. It scared her that she could wait for him, and it might not amount to anything.

“Yes,” her voice was smaller than before, and Alex knew that it wasn’t an easy answer for her to give.

“Then tell him that, Mer. Tell him that you’re willing to wait and give him time with his kids until they’re all ready because you’re gonna end up regretting it if you don’t.”

“And if it doesn’t work? If his kids are never ready?”

“I didn’t know you were someone who gave up before they even tried, Mer.” Alex goaded her slightly. It wasn’t an easy task to get Meredith Grey to do something that she didn’t want to do.

“So, I wait?”

“Only if you want to, Mer.”

And she did want to. She wanted to hold onto hope that there was a chance the two of them could be together. That Liam and Austin might be okay with their dad dating again one day. So, Meredith decided that she was going to wait, and she was going to tell Cormac that because as much as she hated having to be vulnerable in front of anyone, she cared about Cormac a hell of a lot more.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[artemisdesari-blog]

A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.

My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.

My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.

This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.

I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.

So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.