#Saguijo

[jakepullsthetrigger]

I met RR from Grindr last 2017. We’ve been fucked buddies slash almost lovers for almost 5 months.

I just came out from a relationship where my ex boyfriend cheated on me.

RR just came out from a toxic relationship with his ex, tho, they were still living together since they have rented a condo unit with a contract together.

I had no issues with that. Past is past, right?

It was a bitter sweet 5 months.

Walang away. Walang gulo. Pero were crossing tight ropes.

Unsure if falling is an option. Unsure if we will try to catch each other.

Those 5 months were too good to be true.

We were there for each other.

He would go to my place always.

We will spend the evening together.

Talk about arts, and life, and things in between.

The fuck — oh, the fuck, it was so good.

He admired me and I love that feeling.

I introduced him to my dad and to my friends.

He introduced me to his friends.

Unsure of our label, we kept on clinging to each other.

We were even calling each other babe. Exchanging playlists.

Acting like lovers. The operative word - acting.

But we ended as well, like almost all acting lovers.

We were not able to translate the almost into a real one.

It was too frightening for us, so we decided that flight was the best course of action.

There were relapse. There were attempts to get it all back.

But the void was too big that we just couldn’t bring everything that has been lost together.

In the first place - there was never an us.

So there’s nothing to bring back together in the first place.

Only ghosts and memories of dream-like evenings together.

So after parting ways, I kept on sending letters to the emptiness.

Hoping that in one impossible way or another, it would reach him.

I am not expecting anything, but I just wanted him to hear it.

Here are some of those letters.

Mostly written after seeing bits of pieces of him in movies, random conversations or familiar places that we once wandered of together:

-----

RR,

I cannot recall all the details clearly.

I am standing outside the old condominium. You are standing outside somewhere else. EDSA seems peaceful on Sundays. A lady passes by with a pink umbrella. The train rushes through the railway, but slowly takes a halt as it goes to Boni Station. I see you walking towards me. Black shirt. Rubber shoes. Big smiles. 

I wonder if trains also need to take a rest. My head on your chest. You create traces of unknown lands on my skin. I hear your breathing. The room gets colder the longer we stay together without any words. Our bodies refuse to tell another paragraph. We are lost. Time is just a clock. The magnitude of gravity falls into our bed, while we hear the honkers of buses outside the window.

How long has it been? It feels like a thousand march from my island to yours. We are waters apart. I still pray that the waves kiss your cheeks on my behalf. I hope that the fisher folks greet your great mornings. I hope that your village is kinder than what we have had.

I drink from a bottle of beer as if I am remembering your kisses. I follow it with a shot of tequila. After every gulp, it feels like a punch on my gut. It pains me to know not knowing. I walk home not knowing. 

Do trains also need to take a rest? Maybe on Sundays. Maybe when it has been rushing too much. Maybe when it has let so many people in from and to their destination. Maybe if it has gone cold and old.

Maybe trains need to. Your side of my bed still has your name on it.

Why do you still visit me on my dreams, RR? I miss you. How long has it been?

----

You know what. I still check your blog to see if you have written any love letter lately. You see, I still hope that you will write some for me. You see, I miss talking to you. Half-drunk wits in the cold corners of the room. I remember your lips trembling. I remember how you always check the time - not because you already want to go home, but because you want the night to be longer. You know what, that scene in Saguijo is still vivid until now - we’re both holding our own bottle of Pale, few inches apart, both of us facing the now famous Ben&Ben, and then we closed our eyes as we absorbed every word of Kathang Isip, of the safe feeling amidst the noise of the crowd, of how time chose to freeze at that moment. 

You know what, I didn’t really close my eyes. Looking at you at that moment was one of our loveliest moments together. 

----

Here I am in Antipolo. Sitting by the window, I look at how vast the sky is. I crave for beer. I crave for you. When the wind blows, the leaves flutter, and the trees sway, and I whisper your name. 

You’re somewhere in the Metro. Is it unfamiliar to see the highways empty, the streets empty, the room empty? See, unfamiliarity is the enemy of sudden longing. I crave for your touch.

I am by the sea of your hometown’s island. I stare at the sun’s reflection on the ocean. It’s a subtle way for the heavens to kiss the lands. I look at the strangers - the people, the forests, the winding pavement. I wonder, can the village trace me back to parts of you left unknown?

You’re inside the bar. Maybe two, or three bottles already. Your lips still tremble, I see. The music’s tempo is getting slower. The lights heavier. My body is a little off key with the promises we said, to not lose in this game.

I am in a rushing bus going to the city. I received another song. I remember all the songs that you sent to me. Sometimes, music is a hotline to memories. I have heard that line before somewhere, but quite different. I have heard this song before, but right now, quite different.

You’re in Rizal, I’m in Baler. In Catanduanes, in Laguna. In Mandaluyong, in Cubao. See, there was once this small dingy room where we once met. We’re all over the places, but never in the same space. See, we’ve hold each other dear, once.

----

Last night, I’ve watched Lady Bird. There was a scene where Lucas said that he wanted to go to Paris that’s why he was studying French. Yesterday, my boss replied Merci. I was unsure with the usage of Bienvenue or  bienvenu. I remember a boy who keeps a daily schedule to study French. He dreams of going to Paris and settling there for good. We never had a chance to talk in French - only snippets of translations and expressions. Only kisses. Only fucking. Paris was the small room in our apartment. A friend once told me that French is a love language. I’m bad with language. My French is my silence. My French is my surrender in free fall. My French is my I’ll be there in your darkest of days. My French is holding on and kissing the bruises of history. Oh god, how can language divide strangers yet create this feeling of distance between the familiar. Boy, our tongues are more than French. 

----

Laguna de Bay stretches from Metro Manila to Laguna to Rizal. The people of the lake call it Lawa ng Báé. We were in a boat without the usual katig. The moon glimmers on the gentle ripples of the lake. You were holding tight, calm yet mindful of the uncertainties that the darkness, the waters, and the danger of the unfamiliarity might bring. I remember how your lips tremble when we kiss. Shot after shot, it was an evening with the fishermen. They brought some fresh catch. We brought bottles of whiskey, I think, or brandy. I was not sure. I was sure of you. Was - imagine how words can make memories slumber in peace.  I was sleeping on the bamboo bench, you on the bamboo floor just beside me. The waters rest below our bamboo hut mounted in the middle of the lake. I was sure that we were trying to hold hands while sleeping. Half drunk. We didn’t care about what the fishermen might say. The world was sober. That was the last time we’ve seen Talim Island together. The water, the sunrise, the people. The island was gentle for vagabonds like us. Gentle memories still open old scars.

-----

Dear RR, I wonder if you also think of me.

1. I have discovered that you have stopped writing after that disaster. Maybe, we’re just a little bit of bad poetry trying to make words sound a little bit better. Maybe, we have been hiding too much in parentheses that we have started to become unfamiliar of our own sentences. Tell me, were those old love letters really meant love?

2. I pray that you find refuge in yourself. Not just in the people you meet. Not just in the people you kiss. Did you kiss someone lately? It pains me to know that someone can now describe how indescribable your lips are. 

3. Tell me, if you happen to pass by, will you knock at my door like an old friend visiting a familiar home? This was once our home, right? The place where everything stops. The place where logic does not reign. The place where we pray for a long evening, and a longer lifetime. Together. Can I kiss you?

[rebelletesjr]

#goth #gothgoth #gothmusic #philippinegothic #reunionconcert #pocketconcert #concertofinstagram #gothbands #philippines #gothconcert2023 #january2023 Start time: 8pm @saguijobar January 6, 2023 A #gisellescablechannel and #gisellestagram moment #childhooddilemma #namesarefortombstones #isoari #isolationends #dottseki and the #seedsoflight #marionlegaspi (at saGuijo Cafe + Bar Events) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm6E-RsP_sd/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[benefits1986]

fudammmzzz

Weekends = Cheat Dhzais

It's the szn of catch-up and maraming food spots na naman pong muli. So, dahil may mga parating na ganaps kahit ayoko lumabas ng Manila dahil napaka daling magbaha and napaka traffic, ano nga ba ang mga oks na food spots for me? Sa opinyon ko lang 'to a kasi nga kung ako lang din, siomai saka pancit canton na al dente saka kanin na buhaghag plus mga fave kong inihaw, solb na me. Sa MNL muna 'to kasi nakakatamad mag-isip. In no particular order din 'to because kakatamad talaga mag-rank. Indian: Indus, Mantra, New Bombay, Queens at Bollywood

Thai: People's Palace, Thaidara

Deli: Poco Deli, Santi's

Spanish: Las Flores, Terry's, Barcino

Jap: Hanakazu, Manmaru (Dati Nihon saka Kikufuji, kaso iba na talaga and quality)

Jap Modern: Sensei, Omakase, Tokyo Bubble Tea

Cake: Bungalow, Chocolat, Flourjar

Breakfast: Atoy's, Maty's, Manor, Balay Dako 'pag walang tao, Kanto Freestyle depends sa branch ulit, SEx depende sa branch ulit, Pancake House depends sa branch ulit

Filipino: Blue Seas Main Branch, Manam, Max's sa labas ng Araneta mismo, Gubat, Via Mare Sushi: Farmers Market Cubao -- mura pa, hahahaha

Steak: Melo's 'pag sapilitan lang at walang choice kasi mahal masyado sa iba tapos 'di naman ako happy kasi nga karne, magluto ka na lang sa bahay. LOLs

Burger: TGIF, 8Cuts, Sweet X depende sa branch

Chinese: Ying Ying, Wai Ying, Sincerity, atbp, North Park, Gloria Maris, Century Park, Phoenix Court, atbp.

Taiwanese: Botan Black kaso closed na siya, Fat Fook/Paradise Dynasty/Nakalimutan ko name, pero again, depends lahat 'to sa branch, pero pinaka gusto ko 'yung nasa may ABSCBN na 'di ko na naman matandaan pangalan

Malatang: Sichu Malatang 5evsssss --sana meron sa South though feeling ko meron tago dito because you know naman... hahahaha

Hotpot: Wala pa sa Pinas (LOL) pero 'pag enjoy kasama kahit Jiang Nan oks na. Haidilao, cutie lang siya sa color pero ems talaga. Brewery: Tap Station 5evsssss

Korean: Kaya 5evssss din Singaporean: Toastbox, Nanyang Pizza/Pasta: Va Bene, Pizza Express, Da Gianni, Amare depends sa branch ulit, Cibo Ramen: Wala pa rin kasi 'di naman ako mahilig sa ramen Vegan/Vegetarian: Likha Diwa, Pino. Wild Thyme, atbp. Mexican: La Chinesca, El Chu, 'Yung Silantro nung di pa sila mainstream Diner: Syempre nung oks pa Filing Station Bistro: Bamba saka 'yung sa Town na 'di ko alam anong name na naman basta oks siya Inasal: JT's 5evvvsssss Med/Lamb: Don Limone pero closed na sila so balik tayong Cafe Med saka Mister Kabab, SSC at 'yung sa may LRT Station sa Taft side of life

Rooftop: NO REVEAL kasi gusto kong i-gatekeep pero marami naman na ring tao doon kaya 'di naman na siya secret. Very unassuming and legit. 'Di super sarap pero solid na siya overall. Sa Mall: Din Tai Fung, Hawker Chan, Bonchon, Wendy's, Kenny Rogers, Peri-peri, Gringo, Mary Grace 'pag mga tita na maarte ang kasama which is ayoko talaga ng Mary Grace, pero sige. G na. Oks naman siya pero again, very tita all over. LELS.

Inuman na may tugtog na walang sayaw-sayaw: Saguijo, 19East saka Metrowalk noong oks pa siya HAHAHAHAHA Ice Cream: Sebastian's 5evs saka 'yung nakain ko sa Little Tokyo saka Arce syempre plus Cara Mia nung nasa Don Bosco pa lang branch nila pero oks naman sila kahit sa South branches Sa Food Court: Landmark 5evs saka basta may Paotsin saka Waffle Time saka Potato Corner oks na me. Tasting Emerut: Wala pang pumapasa Hahahahahaha. Sayang lang ang gastos. Naka-ilan pa lang naman ako pero hahahahaha. Baka 'di lang talaga pang-palette ko mga ganyan pero umaasa pa rin akong 'yung minamata kong 2 spots e, alam na.

Best Food Streets: Binondo, Maginhawa, Lilac, and syempre, BF Resort and BF Par, Quiapo

My favorite category - matchaaaaameeee: Tsujiri Dakasi TenRen Sharetea CHICHA San Chen Tokyo Bubble Tea Ang daming bagong restaurants ngayon as in, pero sa outside MNL na ako maghahanap. Pero may mga namamataan tayong matcha bar at mga brewery na bago. Tignan natin kung mapapadpad tayo sa mga 'yan sooner or later. LELS. So far, very tita ng mga selections pero kasi ang nakakatawa, ngayon kasi 'pag pinipilihan at nagte-trending, matic na may expectation ka na agad tapos pagpunta mo doon, emeeeee. 4 or 5 out of 10 tulad ng ___ ___ na talaga namang maganda ang ambiance pero ems lang food to think Jap food pa siya and foodie-approved 'di umano. Ganern.

[rikigarcia]

Rookiedaddyhood # 200 - Light my fire

Two nights ago was fire. We went bar hopping, Evan and I. After four unsuccessful trips to find a place, we ended up at Packo's in QC.

Our first stop was Pardon My French in Jupiter Street in Makati. It's a rock and roll night. We made a reservation for two. Got in. Found our seats. It took us less than 10 minutes to get out of there and look for another place. The place is elegant, very classy. Very French. We are simply not keen to be in a place that looks like a wedding reception that night. 😅 That's for another day.

We headed to Saguijo in Makati. It was closed that night. So was Block 123 in Mandala Park in Mandaluyong. Mow's and Motorista were closed too.

We ended up at Packo's. I've been to Packo's several times with my ABS-CBN visual effects friends. We always get a seat at the veranda, outside the closed door bar where everyone watches the live band. My ears like soft sounds now. I like the murmurs and the sound of cars passing by while enjoying Packo's spicy squid and hotdogs with chili beef.

Evan and I got a table inside. The band started playing. The table to my left looked like they had too much to drink already. Banging the bottles on their table. This rarely happens in a wedding reception. We're too far away from Pardon My French now. Besides it's late already to go back there. I am always aware of my surroundings. Those spy and action movies taught me well. 😂 So I befriended the two John Wick-ish guys at the table to my right. It's always nice to have a John Wick ally in a place like this. Two John Wicks are always better than one. Turned out they're cool bros too.

Something funny. This new friend bro keeps asking me if were truly a Filipino. He said I don't look like one. I said I am 100% Filipino.

He sang on stage and egged me to sing too.

Well, what the heck. I'm down bro. 🤣

I went up the stage and sang. Light my fire by Jim Morrison. Evan filmed me. Lol.

When I came down the stage and went back to my seat at our table, we were hilariously laughing. Especially when Evan told me that our cool bro beside the table came up to him and asked him, "Pinoy ba talaga sya?" 🤣😂

I have been writing since 2007 when Evan was one and a half years old. This is my 200th short story rookiedaddyhood. My adventure with Evan. My Rookiedad writings are becoming less and less frequent. He's a young man now. A kind one. He took the good genes after his mom. That's what I have always prayed for.

In june of 2007, I wrote a blog about the songs I wanted to play with Evan when he grows up. It's here. https://rikigarcia.tumblr.com/post/33291718856/top-x-number-of-songs-i-want-to-play-with-evan

We have had a few attempts to play together with this friends. They rehearsed Territorial Pissings but we were not able to play it.

We will do it when the right time comes.

[filipinodreampopbands]

Filipino Dream-pop and Shoegaze Bands in the Dark

Dream-pop and Shoegaze are subgenres of alternative rock, internationally, the pioneers are from UK; Cocteau Twins and Slowdive. Their music is known for their synth sounds and reverberated guitars which makes their music sound so dreamy, melancholic, and to some it is even described as "nostalgic". It is a very powerful new genre that captivates people in the music scenes these days.

It is often said that these genres are an acquired taste, these genres are like the black coffees in the field of music. It will sound like jazz but heavier with fuzzes and reverb almost like drowning you in them and yet the audience feel so alive. The pioneers in these genres in the Philippines are Megumi Acorda (Dream-pop) 2018, Cinema Lumiere (Dream-pop) 2020, Bedtime Television (Dream-pop) 2018, Ozzga (Shoegaze) 2018, Polar Lows (Shoegaze) 2019, & Eggboy (Shoegaze) 1998. These bands bloom underground up until now but these bands deserve more ears to swarm into. It is about time that their music gets heard on concert grounds.

If you want to witness the strange effect of these new genres, places to visit and support are: Mows (Quezon City), Saguijo (Makati), 70's & Bistro (Quezon City). Currently, there are a lot of young collectives keeping the scene alive like 'The Flying Lugaw', 'United Cassettes' and 'Genjitsu Stargazing Society'. From my experience, traveling from Naga to Manila to listen to their music was all worth it, you would get shocked at how friendly the musicians are and how good they are at performing. When I heard Megumi Acorda play their songs, despite the music being melancholic, the crowd was swaying in sync and you would feel so heavy and good at the same time just listening.The songs they composed are mastered and produced by either themselves or these young collectives which makes it even more amazing; such talents should be hit with spotlight.

Here are my top 5 Dream-pop and Shoegaze favorites:

If They Come // Megumi Acorda Dreamcatcher // Cinéma Lumière Shiver // Ozzga Never Stayed Too Long // Polar Lows Ouija Bored // Bedtime Television

All these songs are available on Spotify and BandCamp.

Blaze

[spongki]

23/4/22 10:03 pm

saguijo bathroom

[paolojcruz]

Laptop Soul for Analog Hearts

REVIEWS : MUSIC

The SaGuijo leg of the Fresh Filter Vol. 1 Bar Tour presents the vinyl revival as a vital part of the Pinoy independent music ecosystem.

Originally published on Bandwagon PH, June 2015

On paper, the Fresh Filter Vol. 1 launch show at SaGuijo would most likely send a more cautious business planner into fits of rage. One might argue that the whole set-up ran counter to The New Normal of the commercial music industry. On a humid, wet payday Friday, co-organizers Jam 88.3 and Satchmi put on a show at the longest-running independent music venue in Makati, and didn’t charge any entrance fee. (For context, most gigs hover around the PhP200 range, including a standard drink.) Instead, the free gig was like a de facto come-on for listeners to buy the Fresh Filter Vol. 1 vinyl compilation, which brings together a curated slate of independent local acts, including all the ones booked at SaGuijo that night.

It almost feels like a deliberate fuck-you to the conventional wisdom of how to sell music in 2015. Instead of sharing digital tunes in the cloud, as a way to get fans to pay a premium for the live show, the Fresh Filter crew is putting the bands in front of appreciative crowds gratis, in the hope that they’ll fork over cash for a physical record. Between sets, Fresh Filter host (and Jam 88.3 DJ) Russ Davis repeated the spiel that buying the record would give direct support to the bands involved.

It’s a bold approach, no doubt – for one thing, there isn’t much reliable consumer data about how many Pinoy music fans even own a vinyl record player. That opens up a related marketing opportunity for Fresh Filter’s partners at Satchmi – they also produce the Motorino, a portable record player that’s branded as a starter model for vinyl newbies. Sure enough, they even raffled off a Motorino during the show at SaGuijo.

In effect, the organizers established that the goods – the vinyl compilation and the record player – were the real focal point of this live event. So where does that leave the actual performers?

For what it’s worth, each act delivered a set worthy of the live experience – not just a sonic advertisement for their contributions on Fresh Filter Vol. 1.

Tandems ’91 opened the show, burdened with the difficult task of pumping up a crowd right out of their weekly grind. The group comes across like a gimmick band at first, with their affected preppy outfits and the air of eager fresh grads – as if Vampire Weekend had been formed at the Ateneo. But forget about their looks – there’s a genuine heart to their laptop soul. Channeling retro New Wave pop elements, the sound they coaxed out of their pads and controllers would not be out of place at a prom scene in a John Hughes movie. By the time they worked in familiar samples from “Careless Whisper” and The Eraserheads’ “Toyang”, they had won over the jam-packed venue.

In fact, their whole cyborg pop vibe pretty much set the tone for the evening, with electronics being a normalized part of the sound. Of all the acts on the lineup, it’s Autotelic whose songwriting hews most closely to the kind of straightforward, radio-friendly verse/chorus/verse structure that rockist critics hold so dear, and yet their sound is textured by Eric Tubon’s synth lines.

Up next were Flying Ipis, whose angular dance punk set the apart as the only group without any type of keyboard. It was almost like the inverse of what the other bands were doing – creating frenetic disco beats and danceable hooks with a traditional guitar, bass, and drum setup. The highlight was a newer song “Half Brain” with a memorable sing-along refrain – “You and I won’t be denied” – that could well be interpreted as an anthem for marriage equality in the Philippines.

After that, Moonwlk made their return to SaGuijo. Let’s put aside the TMZ-esque speculation about the reasons for the duo’s long hiatus. Whatever alleged drama happened between Nick Trinidad and Gabbi Buencamino, it seemingly had the benefit of intensifying their well-crafted electronic pop.

It’s worth noting that Nick’s laptop was fiercely emblazoned with a decal that said “REAL INSTRUMENT”. Maybe the producer doth protest too much? The pair led the crowd in a gender-split call-and-response of “Right now!” (women) and “Not yet!” (men) during “Your Electric Kiss Is Late Always”. The audience followed like a congregation to their minister. With a reaction like that, the defensive posturing seems a bit uncalled for.

Yolanda Moon’s smoothed-out Prince-ly indie soul felt like a comedown after the high of Moonwlk, but it was no less captivating. Singer Cholo Hermosa started things off from behind a keyboard decked out in blue Christmas lights. His vocal melodies hinted at middle-of-the-road yacht rock influences – and it felt more like self-confident attempt to broaden musical horizons than ironic appropriation. It seemed fitting, given how much the whole Fresh Filter Vol. 1 project is about embracing whole-heartedly the format of an earlier generation.

The final slot was reserved for cult favorites Cheats, and they’re tighter than ever. By now, they’ve just owned the whole Broken Social Arcade Stars comparisons, and focused on making that sound more cohesive. Their fans don’t mind that the group wears their Canadian indie rock influences on their proverbial sleeves, and just enjoy it for what it’s worth. All the familiar crowd-pleasers like “Crash” and “Accidents” resulted in fierce shoutalongs during the high-speed breakdowns.

At the end of the night, the Fresh Filter Vol. 1 gig was a study in contrasts. It showcased artists using the tools of the bedroom producer age – midi controllers, laptops, digital synths – to replicate or even fine-tune the sounds of previous eras. It’s easy to write this off as retro faux nostalgia, but ironically, the reason so much 20th century pop music is so accessible is precisely because it’s so readily available over the web.

[jaimeiggydelrio]

meringue

people reveal their soft spots 

only

through stories 

same lot, often needs taking care of

with subtle warmth from 

late night grubs and

spending afterhours at an expressway gas station

or 

gazing down at the city 

our city 

that

accommodates delicate creatures

like you 

through listening but never answering back to our muni

we can watch - up and coming indie bands 

at

19 east or SaGuijo

you can pick our munch ons

while i choose our beer

i know i knew this very late

that when

people reveal their fragile figures

to walkable places that took in transients,

revelling in front of

four lane markings,

in front of

banquito restaurants

And these hardened exteriors,

there

usually hide

delicate insides

like french

meringues

hidden

inside you

[caloyencluna]

<S>andwiCheats (at saGuijo Cafe + Bar Events) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoT5zV7Boh9/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[thatfraudcassandra]

Hindi naman ako handa sa pagka-time capsule nito.

Kwarto ni Odie, kwarto ko circa 2005. Puno ng magazine pages kung saan nafeature ang Sugarfree, Eheads, Sandwich, Imago, Cambio (kasi crush ko talaga si Diego Mapa, bakit ba). Puro kalat, puro CD at notebook na may lamang lyrics ng kanta ng Paramita. May radyo na kinukuha ko sa kwarto ni Papa pag tulog na siya. Akala ko ako lang nagsusulat ng mga kanta sa countdown ng NU? May isang NYE na nilista ko yung top 107 songs of the year. Asan na kaya yung notebook ko na yun. Galing din ng foresight ni Quark at Diego C para gawin to. Kasi hindi na magiging ganito kasaya ulit ang eksena. Mabuti nang may alaala.

[xianmeister]

Maraming masasaya at malulungkot na alaala ang naglabas-masok sa pintuang ito.🤘🏼 #Saguijo (at saGuijo Cafe + Bar Events) https://www.instagram.com/p/CeEkdDuIKye/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[d0ughnnut]

Darkness Fell

There was this king he had no castle or throne, oh no But his horse was great and white He rode alone and liked it that way But when he met her, he swore He would never leave her side...

They rode across the land Two lovers hand in hand And no danger could come near And when something made her cry She'd look at him teary eyed And he would make her feel better Oh so much better So much better than before

But she woke up from the land Tears falling in her hands As she looked up asking why She laid back in her bed Thoughts raising in her head

"Why can't my life be beautiful?", she said

As she closed her eyes again Just prayin' he'd return But only darkness fell upon her

[kabeybeyyy]

Ang pinakamasaya sa lahat ay pag nagagawa mo ang tunay na ninanais ng iyong Puso at Kaluluwa kasama ang tunay mong mga kaibigan at mga tunay na taong nakapaligid sayo. 🙏🏻 Maraming Salamat sa lahat ng malupit na bandang tumugtog at sa lahat ng sumuporta, nakisaya at nakipag Rak en Roll kagabi sa @saguijobar 🤟🏻 SOLIDO! 👌🏻 @josecarlitoph @dnamusicph @btsartistmanagement 📸: @rye6cycle @melaopm #josecarlito #dnamusic #btsartistmanagement #saguijo (at saGuijo Cafe + Bar Events) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2RHudeJhMj/?igshid=19v3g0zkhr2o8

[benefits1986]

Unspoken Word: Reliving Proof

When words cut, they cut so deeply... especially when you chose to silence the inner child's loudest shrieks.

TGIF! For some weird reason, I was greeted by "V is back on Viber" notif very early in the morning. Fucking telco must have rehashed his churned SIM, because consumerism is getting more and more hardcore these days and nights, too.

I've revisited the crazy lanes leading back to spoken word which started in 201X. It was during the time when Saguijo or B Side is full and when it's too tasking to drive to Cubao X. It was when I was downing rum coke during lunch time because it's the sedative I need to keep me up past midnight in the name of deadlines. Honestly, the roads lead back in 200X when I wanted to go to Sanctum's gigs in Intra but of course, mother dragon policed me. Kulang na lang i-bartolina niya ako. LOL. I told her that spoken word is a derivative of public speaking stints she forced down my unwilling throat, so, now, let me do it my way. Syempre, ako na lang daw maging nanay. Probably the reason why she axed my PLM acceptance letter even when I got accepted in Psych. Speaking of psych, apart from being a teacher, I really wanted to dabble with human interactions as a perpetual people watcher. LOL. It's kind of effortless and rewarding. Mom said, baliw-baliw ka na. Baka matuluyan ka pa. Writer? Teacher? Psych? Lawyer? Anak, mag-nurse ka. :D Me: Ayoko nga kasi.

But, I guess, my current location and my destination is a Venn Diagram of all the things I've been dreaming about; thanks to digital x start up, and now with a hefty dose of corporate un-gaming. LOL.

Before starting Friday, I actually came across LIVING PROOF after a series of really cute-in-your-ass pakawala ni Rudy Francisco. Happy vibes pa ako nung unang part ng PL then, ayun na ngaaaa. Living Proof played. Must be the algo gods and goddesses. Must be the three fates watching over me in real time, all the time.

While I was going about my usual grind which starts kinda early, I actually teared up. The tears didn't roll down my chubby cheeks. They wetted my eye. HUY. Ang hirap kasi talaga umiyak. Mas pipiliin ko pang magpa-tat or mapaso ng mainit na kawali or worse, mapaso 'yung tat ko na may lead content ng steam ng kakaluto lang na kanin, which happened in real life by the way. Mom got super angry, dragon x beast x cyborg mode kasi nga raw, walang mapapala sa tats. LOL. Sabi ko, 'di naman masakit. She laughed and said, lumubo na balat mo, nagde-deny ka pa rin? Tao ka noh. Tao ka. Hahahahaha. Me: Mas masakit ka pa rin manakit, ma. So, this is not hitting the benchmark. This time around, the cry I cried is not too intrusive. Actually, when I think about it now, it's an interesting cry. OPAK. Hindi siya emo lang. It touches my ego, too. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ego over heartbreak no more na nga ba tayo this 2024? Pasavogue. Let's not go there yet kasi... ang lala ng overthinking ko na naman. I KENNAT, MHIE. HUY. Hahahahaha.

'Di ko pa rin syempre perfect 'yung pag-tune in sa emotional state ko pero losing V in 2023 is life-changing. I remember saying out loud while typing my usual pabilin at pakisuyo sa office na: V, bakit kasi wala ka na? Pero, thank you. As in. You may be wondering why the fuck TGIF turned into a cry sesh so early in the morning? Eto na. 'Di ko sure if kaya kong easy-han. But, let's go dahil dami pang trabahong bahay and small projects piling up for Japan 2024 kabogstra edition. I fucking mean it. Baon na lang talaga ako at baka bike pa-BGC. Hahahaha. Pero shemay naman kasi 'yung optimal na daan. It's giving man in the moon na walang lunar rover. :p As a claustrophobic, hassle neto, in theory pa nga lang. LOL. Sana magkaroon na ng friggin' biking lanes at sana manalo Fighting Maroons bukas na para 'di ko na siya isipin next week. Pamaskong handog na lang. Parang awa niyo na. Season '86, please be mine. :p

Soooo, V... V is my constant OG sa work ko ngayon ages ago. SHEMAY. HUY. He started kinda young and legit ang data x insights niya as a troll online and offline. LELS. He walked me through the valleys, the plains, the plateau, the hills, the mountains.

Alam mo 'yung siya pinaka OK kausap kahit dami niyang baon na slapstick 80s and 90s dad jokes at his young age. UGH. Lambing ni V, aya kape and yosi. Tahimik lang siya pero sa umpisa lang 'yun. When I was trying out for my current post back in Summer 2023, sabi ko talaga: V, paano na 'yan? Wala ka na? Wala na akong cheat sheet. Wala na akong lifeline. Hayup ka talaga. HAHAHAHA. If V was still here today, malamang boogsh ako doon. V taught me to trust the process in a world that I just saw in Jobstreet. V showed me how to remain calm even when the world is burning inside out. Daanin mo lang sa rifts and good vibes and more dad jokes na NSFW at times. V's guitar breaks in our office allows me to check on his headspace, too. There's something in his eye that tells me that there's something bad happening in him and that he is asking for help. HUY. He's not the one to cry often, but when he does, HUY, I KENNAT. Bakit ko naaalala now mga bits and pieces ng mala-bunso kong kapatid rn? Siguro, it's time na nga.

V never fails to swing the bat and hit home run kahit andaming strike out naman kasi talaga ng mundo forda bills namin. When under attack, nakatitig lang siya sa isang spot. Fave niya si Jet Li and 'pag Tekken naman si Law. He's a multihypenate with a real humble pero humble brag head over his sturdy yet seemingly shaking shoulders. Petite guy siya kahit 'yung appetite niya, wagas. LOL.

Bigwas ang lambing ko sa kanya. Later, nung natuto na sa mga batas ng mundo ng digital, V allowed me to be in my element. HUY. Bakit naiiyak na naman ako so early in the morning? V is also my confidante during times na top tier turned trash ako because I am unfiltered talaga. He told me that he knows what I am and what I am not, and he's got me; kaya lang vox populi e. Hahahahaha. And that, he knows that things will be better, and I will come through. Those happened. Top tier-trasher ang naging branding ko. Bargas na wagas pero may moral compass. Sabi pa niya noon, 'di raw kasi lahat gusto marinig ang hard truth and that only a very few step up and own up. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Iyak-tawa ako e. V never showed me atrocity, to be honest even when I was burnt severely and nailed to the cross. Sabi nga niya, phoenix burns and rise again, ate. Hahahahaha. Kahit ilang beses pa 'yang burn na 'yan. Ikaw pa ba? Ikaw pa? LOL.

V is gentle and firm. LUH. And as I am penning yet another thought and feel fart, let this be a reminder as to how far I've gone and that while V is not is not in this universe anymore, his presence, his lessons, his mistakes, his flaws, his wins, his loses are with me. As a recovering suicidal na may paganaps na namang dark thoughts in 2023, hahahahahaha... okay, fine. Hintayin ko na lang 'yung right time to see that very bright light again sa tamang panahon. Siguro rin, kaya taas energy ko nung Friday is because of that tiny cry feast. I guess this is me, atoning for my scarlet sins the right way. I see V in my juniors, equals and bosses, to be honest. LOL. Parang naghe-hello si V several times of the day. I guess, I am indeed training my feel muscles and memory, too. HUY. Shemay. Can I go there na ba talaga? Bakit may piercing pain as I am keying these in? Bakittt? Siguro, road to a me, only better na nga talaga tayo. HAHAHAHAHA.

Baka naman, girl. Baka naman. Or baka naman ginugusto ko 'to kasi women have 80% of autoimmune disease because they suppress emotions, ika ni Gabor Mate. DAMNNN. Mother dragon is not just another statistic. She is a stern warning. Maybe, she's a gentle and firm reminder, too. Sabi nga niya: Don't commit the mistakes I made, anak. Learn from them. LUH. O baka naman, overthinking na naman ako and ayaw ko lang magpa-check up sa immunologist, allergologist atbp kasi mhie, I've been there, fucked that hard na talaga. HAHAHAHAHA. Okay. Labas na ako ng basura, bayad bills atbp. Laters ulit. Busy reliving! OPAK. :P 'Di ko kinaya pero baka naman makaya na, for realzzz. CHZ.

[laizacostelo]

Maya's Anklet's Mananatili EP Launch 10th. Farewell. Fundraising. Sendoff.

Saguijo, Makati (June 30, 2017)

Photos for Cubism Family

[jamesabelc]

Look into my eyes