#Sad but in a way i've been since i was a child
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4chensungs · 2 days ago
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don’t kiss and tell
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brothers best friend!jisung x fem. reader
after the incident of your brother finding out you hooked up with one of his friends, you promised to yourself to never look out for him anymore. but who says he’ll give up on you that easily?
wc. 2.8k
warnings. smut (mdni), jisung is down bad, body worship like crazy in here, tit sucking, fingering, ass slapping, unprotected sex
part 1 for context here <3
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IT HAS BEEN one whole month since you last talked to jisung. one month since you saw him probably for the last time in a hot minute.
the last few weeks have been extremely unusual; you keep questioning yourself how was he doing, if he's even ever going to appear at your house again to hang out with you brother, like he always did. he's probably not.
and fuck jaemin, fuck him for screwing your bond with him. it's useless, pure jealousy and he's so stupid!, stupid for being this mad with one if his best friends of years, simply because he thinks you're still a child.
on the other hand, jisung is being not so subtle in the way he still wants you. he keeps liking the pics you post on your instagram stories, sometimes even replying to them. and it's the sad fact you're not giving him a single reply.
his mind wanders to the thought of you being already completely over him, wanting to distance yourself fully right now, thanks to your brother.
but your heart knows that's not what you want, and it keeps giving you a warning that the next time that you see him, these feelings will come back stronger than ever.
you miss him. so bad, thinking about him makes you sick.
you're laying in bed, scrolling quietly through your phone when the damn notification appears. why does he keep trying? you sigh out loud.
the__and.y liked your stories.
you ran your hands through your hair, turning off your phone to stare at the ceiling to collect your breath. you can't, your brother is still furious with both of you.
jisung ♡: why do u keep ignoring me in every existing social media
is he really going to do this? at this late at night?
jisung ♡: i miss you
you kept reading his messages and not replying. you didn't contact him for a month.
maybe, just maybe, things may have gotten lighter with jaemin. perhaps he's not really remembering this whole thing, yeah?
you: i'm sorry jisung
you: idk if this is right i really don't know
you: im confused
you turn off your phone again while waiting for his reply. let's give it a try.
jisung ♡: why wouldn't it be right
jisung ♡: jaemin can't control your life, you can do whatever you want
hm.
you: i felt bad that day and he's still so mad with you
you: idc if he's mad with me, he's my brother at the end of the day
you: i worry about you and how hes fucked up your friendship
jisung ♡: baby you know what's fucked up
jisung ♡: you trying to convince yourself that you don't want this because of him
jisung ♡: say to my face that you don't want it
you want this so fucking bad. to be in his arms again, and the thrill of being with him behind closed doors. god, that's all you want in every way.
you: ji
you: i want to see you
jisung ♡: that's right
jisung ♡: i've waited for this princess
jisung ♡: waited so long
you: i need you
you: i don't care anymore
you really don't give a fuck - your brother can hold his protectiveness instinct for himself, he actually can. you can't control what your heart aims for.
and it screams for park jisung.
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"you can't ignore him forever, you know that?"
"who says I'm ignoring him? I texted him yesterday saying he should come this weekend." jaemin huffed, acting oblivious to the fact that the only reason why he invited jisung over was because of the boys' annual end of year party.
chenle deadpans at him with his stare, letting out a chuckle, "if you didn't invite him I would've done it myself." he paused, turning his head to look at the man, "that would be bullshit."
bullshit. jaemin swore he almost threw chenle out of the car in the harshest way possible - clicking his tongue in pure annoyance, "yeah, it was just fine when he fucked my sister behind my back."
"i'm pretty sure they did not fuck."
if you didn't then why were you both half naked. in his car. at your backyard?
"i'm telling you, I saw it. she was literally on top of him and she was fucking moaning his name, chenle. that's fucking wrong." your brother spat while still not looking at his friend - eyes focused on the road.
chenle keeps going, "cut this off, jaem. you can't see her as a baby anymore. let her live."
jisung is indeed coming to your house again - sooner than you thought. but it did take some days for you to find out, tho. you brother wasn't the one who told you.
in the same day, the last messages jisung sent you before you went to sleep.
jisung ♡: dress up prettily for me tomorrow
jisung ♡: will you?
you: what??
you: you're coming???
jisung ♡: jaemin told me to go and yeah i didn't expect it as well
jisung ♡: dreaming of you again
jisung ♡: kissing your sweet lips holding you so close to me
jisung ♡: it'll be all mine princess
you: go to sleep ji
you: silly
jisung ♡: i'll show you what's silly tomorrow
the sound of the boys laughing and loud pitching talking in the living room did quite mess with your head, anticipating the moment when he comes. it's crazy how you got so dolled up for him only, he's the reason why you're even going out of your room this night.
if it wasn't for jisung, you'd probably just greet the guys and come back to your own quiet place, drowning in your thoughts, alone. just like you always used to do before he appeared in your life.
a knock was heard on your door just right after you finished your makeup. unexpectedly, you meet a very tipsy jaemin.
"what the fuck is this outfit?" he spats, crossing his arms in front of his chest - his body unbalanced. for a split second, you closed your eyes and thanked all the existing Gods under your breath. he's drunk.
you smiled, "felt pretty today. you smell like beer, don't talk to me."
"hey, hey, hey." he grabbed your arm before you could close the door and kick him out, "come say hello to my friends. don't be rude."
you fixed your hair and outfit and went to the living room, being find with chenle, jeno and donghyuck's figures sat around the big table, nestled with all the different kinds of drinks and alcohol.
your breath hitched when jisung was nowhere to be found.
after greeting the guys, you decided to wait in your room - not sure on how, or when will jisung get there and you'll finally get to release all of your wants. show him how much you miss him and vice versa.
not much time had passed before another knock was heard on your door. you were sprawled on bed, dim lighting decorating the ambient.
"come in."
you said that because you thought it was your brother. jisung carefully opened the door, eyes peeking first to check on you.
that scene truly felt like a movie. you slowly got up, a smile starting to pop up in your lips as you walked to him.
your voice trembling, "hi, ji."
you opened the door fully for him to enter your space, he wasted no time to step in and pull you into a hug.
a mess was happening in your head, so ridiculously dizzy from him - the masculine smell of his cologne filling your nostrils, his hands holding your body flush to him while yours gripped his black t shirt, so simple and casual but yet made him look so attractive.
or maybe that’s just because you miss him a lot.
jisung leaned away from your embrace, gently taking your hair out of your face while holding eye contact - hands flew to your hips.
"you look gorgeous. more than ever."
your arms secured their hold around his neck, feeling your cheeks burning red from his words, "just for you." you announced.
he nodded, "all for me."
you both smiled like two idiots in love as he leaned down to kiss you, mouths melting so sweet at first - tongues brushing here and there, hums being heard throughout the kiss, "so pretty in this dress." he mumbles in between.
his back hits the door as he closes it, left hand leaving your hips for a mere second just to lock it.  making absolute sure that no one will be able to interrupt.
jisung grabs a hold of your thighs to help you walk further into your room, so familiar to him.
all the times you've sneaked out, when jisung slept by and left jaemin's room in the middle of the night when he was in a deep sleep. all behind his back with so much carefulness.
when he lays you down he's quick to trail his wet kisses down to your neck, firm hands caressing your whole body, going up and down in motions.
you arch into him, playing with his black hair strands as his face rests on your chest, meanwhile his lips keeps smooching your hot skin.
you sigh in contentment, knees pressing together - trying to give him a sign that you're needy, so painfully needy for him.
"jisung i want- mhhm" your words get cut off by your own whine when his hand grabs the top of your dress to pull it down, hanging it just below your bra.
"don't want to take your dress off.. youre looking too beautiful like this." his deep voice quietly said.
you smile at his sweet comment, holding back all your whines combined with the feeling of his fingers messing with the lace of your white bra, throwing your head back with no shame when he pulls the fabric down to expose your breasts, still not taking it off your body.
"so pretty, princess. i could admire you all day."
cool air is fast to hit but it's soon replaced by jisung's hot mouth, circling your breast with his tongue, hand massaging the other while his mouth does wonders on your soft flesh.
when he reaches for your nipple you whine even louder, his saliva pooling and soaking your whole breast when he sucks it into his warm hot mouth, humming nonstop.
"you're crazy ji-jisung."
"should i stop?" he teases, leaning his mouth away from your nipple and replacing it with his finger, rubbing it.
"no for fucks sake.. but I'm trying so hard to keep quiet." your voice trembled slightly.
jisung looks at you then laughs, “they’re so wasted right now, no one’s conscious in that room, love.”
you pout at him, he softly traces your bottom lip with his thumb before kissing you again, “I promise you, it’s okay. but I need you to tell me it’s okay with you.”
his soft and caring voice did turn you on even more, it shouldn’t, but it made you wetter. eyes holding so much love and appreciation looking at yours - “I want this. I want you, ji.”
jisung smiles one more time, giving you a nod and resumed his work, mumbling a deep “fuck” under his breath when he tested the waters, hand went under your dress to feel your core.
he pulled the ends of your dress up to your stomach, your thighs ridiculously pressed together. you should be ashamed of how wet you were, but you’re not, not even a single bit.
he gives your thighs a caress, “let me spread them, hm?”
your breath hitches when he brings your knees to your chest, spreading you all open and full for him. jisung mentally coos at the scene in front of him.
just like your bra, white lace panties with a wet dark patch decorated in the middle, like a gift for him. it drove him crazy.
“did you miss me that much, princess?” you can only moan as response when he touches the wet patch with his finger before pulling the lace to the side, holding it in place with one finger, while his middle finger travels up and down your cunt.
wet, so fucking wet, “fuck. love, i might cum just by looking at this.” he cursed and cursed again, eyes wide open and looking straight at your puffy displayed cunt, so wet just for him. he knew that and so did you.
“oh fuck baby i can’t-“ jisung’s fingers spread you open to admire you better - in love, genuinely in love with how your pretty pussy shines for him, glistening and begging to suck him in.
he leans down fast enough to give your clit a quick kiss, “can’t stop thinking about how beautiful she is.” still caressing your core.
you moan his name desperately at his nasty but sweet comment, tons of whines and “jisung” ‘s leaving your mouth.
“ji please. want your fingers.” you manage to say.
“of course, gotta prep my beautiful girl.” he smiles, an expert finger circling your clit before diving down into your entrance. covered with slick, your cunt invites him just as soon.
experienced fingers pumping in and out continuously, you whine with your eyes closed at the sound of wetness.
jisung’s in complete awe, stoping his staring at your hole to kiss your face, first at the corner of your mouth, then at your lips, shutting your whines off.
“you’re perfect.” he leans away to say.
nothing’s more perfect in this world than the sensation of his long and thick fingers inside you, scissoring you and reaching the deepest and most sensitive spots ever. you’ll say that to him later.
you try to smile but you soon harshly bite your lip when he curled his two fingers inside, you yelped, “jisung! oh my god-“
he kisses you again, and again, until he’s satisfied and thinks you’re ready to take him. jisung’s fingers leave you empty, and you let out a cry - his eyes make their way to between your legs to see how you’re pulsating.
“never seen my princess this wet..” deep cocky voice says.
you reach out to take off your dress, “i’ve missed you.”
when your dress was discarded to the floor, he was quick to unbutton his jeans as they went to the same destination of your clothes.
you could see his erection through his boxers, and as much as you want to such him off right now, you’re needing him inside. now.
your panties were about to be discarded before jisung grabbed your hand and shook his head, “want them on, baby. s’ pretty. keep the bra too.”
knowing how he likes it with you, you turned around and pinned your front to the bed, arching your back and your ass in the air.
“fuck, just like that.” he pumps his cock at first, cooing you while you wait for him.
jisung’s hands flew to your back to arch it even more, then to hold your hips. he rubs the head of his dick on your entrance, how your pussy almost sucks him in just from the rubbing.
when he enters you, you let out a little too loud moan. hands clutching the sheets and tears filling your eyes.
he’s completely focused on how you keep clenching around him - the amusing view of your cunt sucking him all the way in, then out again.
your hips were pressed to his shaft, feeling him so fucking deep into your womb.
jisung coos again, “you don’t know how I’ve been dying for this.” he slaps your ass.
“jisung! jisung fuck, jisung.” you whine like a baby, lost in the pleasure. ass stinging from his big hand slap and cunt begging to be filled until you get sore.
“my love.” another slap, “fucking made just for me.”
his cock is so big and it leaves you like a babbling mess, so big that it almost hurts from how good it is, hits you in all places.
you both were getting closer, his thrusts started to get sloppier and messier, slower as he pulled away to release at your back.
your own release dripped down your pussy and thighs, while his hot cum painted your back down to your ass cheeks. what a scene.
“want them all to see this mess.. jaemin needs to see how you’re good to me.“ he admires the sight of your cunt clenching and unclenching around absolutely nothing but the air, “can’t believe you’re mine and no one can ever change that.”
you tiredly laid back on your back again, trying to fix your hair. jisung’s sweaty body joined you after tossing the dirty sheets aside, he breathes heavy, but still with that cute smile on his lips.
“do you think they heard something?.” you look up at him, voice low.
jisung thinks for a second, furrowing his brows, “i honestly don’t think so, baby. but you need to change these sheets..”
“of course i will, ji.” you laughed fondly. there’s still some questions hanging in the air, with what face will he come back to the boys?
“and if they ask you where were you this whole time and what were you doing…?”
“then i’ll just say that i was fucking the prettiest girl in the family and i don’t regret it.”
© 4chensungs
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annerly-san · 10 hours ago
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Caleb's Split Personality with Light
First off: OMG YAYYY! CALEB'S BACK!!! MY APPLE BOI HAS RETURNED HOMEEEE! <3
secondly: DOES THIS MAN HAVE SPLIT PERSONALITIES?!?!? HOLY MOLY IVE BEEN HYPER ANALYZING EVERY LAST BIT OF DETAIL IN THE CONTENT RELEASED
Not only do I think he has this split personality (Astrology girlies, Caleb is a Gemini, so help me out in the comments lol), but I think that his personalities are also triggered/toggled via light.
In the trailer and teasers, we see a lot of the dichotomy between his "old/nice/restrained" self and this "darker/possessive" self. In some screenshots of the Homecoming Wings Trailer, we can see how his character model sometimes is shown with two separate halves, overlaid with different images, etc.
Caleb with Different Personalities/Halves:
This is an AMAZING shot where you can see one side of his face and his eyes glimmering brightly and the other one is a bit darker and obscured in shadow - showcasing the duality of this manlight and dark caleb in the teaser live stream, set up via the video transition and composition
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The way that the video and scene is set up is very intentional to show us that this is the boy we did know (he's in there somewhere) but he's also different and a lot darker. Or there's also the duality in which Caleb has a side where he's restraining and holding back and then a side where he's let go and is just super possessive and controlling. The trailer has him saying things like: "I've always held myself back and endured" and then "It was suffocating"
Look at this one from his Farspace Bloomfall card too!
Voice Fluctuations:
This is very apparent in his voice lines as well! I personally really like his English VA; he does a really good job in differentiating between the more upbeat/easy going tones and the darker and more raspy tones when Caleb "switches" between personas.
If you listen to the trailers and even the 5-star memories, the VA sounds different depending on the context and who you're talking to. He sounds more soft spoken when saying things like "I'm back." or "Let's go home" vs "In the Farspace Fleet, there are only soldiers and officers"
(ya girl fell in love with Caleb chapter 1 during the phone call so Im a big fan of his english VA)
Light Trigger:
His personality/motive/etc seems to switch depending on light as well.The scene right before he says "I'm back" and is more kindFarspace bloomfall memory 1/2 where he's cold at first and then you see the light shiningFarspace Bloomfall memory 2/2 where he then softens after that light appearanceIn chapter 4 where Caleb's trying to be more protective of MC and then like holds back/gives up after the light shines by
Light is definitely symbolic or something that switches Caleb's personality/motive around since we see it CONSTANTLY in the main story, teasers, memories, etc. I think that this was something that was already a part of him (perhaps trained in or done as a child) but the extremity of his personality got more severe after the explosion happened.
Breakdown of these instances lol:
Chapter 4: Caleb was angry/possessive because MC got hurt (light happens) -> Caleb tells her to forget it and is clearly holding back after the light shines
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Interrogation/Test in Farspace Fleet base: Really cold and stern; telling her to not get into trouble and obey orders (overhead light)-> Smiles at her after the lights above flickers and holds her hand, saying "It's me, I'm back"
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Farspace Bloomfall Card: Cold: "If I don't show concern as someone close to you, it doesn't count as being genuine?" (light again) -> Soft and sad: "You can't convince yourself to hate me"
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Conclusion:
SO in conclusion, this poor apple boi has some severe personality switching going on that's triggered by light and it's not something that happened as a result of Ever experimenting on him post-chapter 4. I think that it just got more severe after whatever happened to him on skyhaven in the farspace fleet.
Thanks for coming to my super analysis of Caleb content: i am dying in anticipation of the 22nd (literally have been crying nonstop since the livestream lol)
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auroras-shitty-writing · 1 year ago
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Cursed
I think I'm cursed, I truly think i'm cursed. A reoccurring curse that happens every time that seventeen year old oak door opens. The white paint on it has chipped with time and wear. Every new person entering, leaving a faint dent against the wall beside it, chipping away the white paint. I should know I'm cursed. I should've know when the first person stepped out, slamming the door just as quickly as they had opened it. I wait for them by the bottom stairs, wide eyed and clinging to a yellowed rabbit. Chipped like the door. I know i'm cursed to only know the back of the door with it's slams and chipping and dents and oak. Molded oak peering back at me, salt water cause it. I caused it. I am cursed to only know the back of the door and to wait hopefully by the bottom of the cold stairs.
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obeymeow · 2 years ago
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nightbringer lesson 14 FUCKED ME UP in several ways but primarily I've spent the last 48 hours making myself sad over the solomon backstory we got. specifically I have, for no reason, latched onto that one chapter in the Kids event where baby solomon cried because he felt so guilty over being responsible for that spell. and that just feels a touch more depressing in context
#nightbringer spoilers#obey me on side#went back and unlocked the event again because i could not get this out of my brain i know it's probably not that deep#but it is that deep TO ME. okay#baby solomon has been on my brain since thirteen told that story so that's probably why it's sticking in my brain so hard but whatever#in case anyone was wondering the other things to make me sad are:#he has such a deeply excessive amount of lights in his room in purgatory hall there are SEVERAL chandeliers and lamps#there's a good handful in his room in cocytus hall too (his horror dg showed it) if a more normal amount#but that with the 'dim and gloomy' detail. ☹️#i've also always thought that solomon's loneliness wasn't all about the immortal angst but like.#having it confirmed that he's had reason to be lonely since he was a child- before he was old enough to know he was using magic-#totally crushed me girl why can't I be wrong#had emotions about lesson 14 in general but solomon backstory steals the show every time for me so i haven't gotten around to the rest#i'm enjoying the nightbringer story so much (not talking about the game design. that's a different thing entirely) but man#the pacing is WILD it feels like every lesson could be a whole lesson block at the least. it's giving me a lot of room to speculate#which I always love! but i do wish they would slow down a little and expand on some of these concepts they're bringing up#because the basic idea of the game alone is REALLY INTRIGUING and it'd be a shame if they raced back to the present imo#what was i even talking about. sorry my brain fast forwards as soon as i get into the tags there is not one sequitur to be seen#so curious about solomon's friend now too. like my guess is it's going to be lilith (and hopefully not in a popular fan theory kind of way)#because it's more than a little suspicious that they expanded on lilith's views on humans the way they did#in a way that SO PERFECTLY lines up with the expansion on solomon's views on humans#WHICH I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT YET BY THE WAY BUT LIKE. HE IS SO RIGHT AND REAL FOR THAT#it's beyond stressful to me that I think solomon is completely justified in his views and being completely reasonable about it#but that it would also mean war between the worlds presumably while the brothers are still recovering from THEIRS#you cannot give me that choice man. not even sure that the human world would be ABLE to win that fight if we're being real#solomon's 72 pacts are a lot yes but he's still only one guy who is NOT on good terms with the sorcerer's society#and mc is powerful but so so inexperienced. and that's IF they choose to side with the human world which#really i don't think the canon mc is likely to do. but anyway i guess solomon's friend could also be adam maybe?#that could be wishful thinking because i like adam though. even if his hair SUUUCKS#deeply offended by everyone thinking solomon got the fucked up hair when all signs point to adam be NICE TO HIM he's ugly already
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reuptakeinhibitor · 5 days ago
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#a dear childhood friend's wife died 2 weeks ago#his parents and mine have known each other since before we were born and we went to school together until we graduated from hs#we weren't in the same friend group as we entered middle school and onward but it was a small school in a small town etc etc#i've always thought very highly of him and would've liked to be closer friends with him but he was in the ~cool crowd~ and very outdoorsy#where i was neither of those things#anyway his wife suddenly and unexpectedly died 2 days before christmas and i've been so broken hearted for him since#they just had their 2nd baby about 7 weeks earlier#horrible tragic unthinkable heart wrenching#and i saw him at the funeral for the first time since his sister's wedding in 2011#he's been living in other places for school and training but he moved back here about 1.5 years ago#and i want to be there for him and be friends#i'm so mad i didn't reach out when i first found out he was back but i didn't feel like i could bc would be even care about me#and what if too much time has gone by blah blah he has a family yadda yadda#but i think that's bs actually bc people have been very receptive to seeing me when i've run into them or their parents or on social#things are different now and we're grown and not awkward kids (even though i feel like one all the time)#and i'm mad and sad that i could've met his wife who seems amazing and was deeply loved by everyone she knew#and i'm also confused bc i feel so strongly about him that i'm like ??? am i in love with him ??? wth#why am i like this#why do i feel every emotion at such an extreme#is this an adhd thing#i think i just care deeply about him because he's a great person and someone i have a strong tie to through the school we both attended#not to mention the connection our moms have and his older sister who was also very nice to me#i know i'm lonely but i think the situation might be worse than i thought#being the only child of 2 parents who are both aging and in pretty bad shape is not where it's at#especially because i'm disabled in ways too and i desperately want to improve but it's really hard and i hate myself and living like this!!!#so again that brings me thinking who will love you (certainly not him) and why are you thinking about this anyway#(i'm just as bad as the guys who swoop in to snag women who are freshly widowed or divorced or otherwise broken up with)#except i'm not (i think) bc this obvi isn't something i would wish on anyone and i want his wife's memory to be a blessing#maybe i'm just insane and need to take my meds and go to bed#personal
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ghost-orion · 2 years ago
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tw depression thoughts
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autumnmobile12 · 6 months ago
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Based on the way Touya and Fuyumi behaved in their very early years, I've always gotten the impression the Todoroki family started out with something of a healthy dynamic.
The reason they were born was pretty twisted and Endeavor's ambitions may have made the foundation rotten, but I think they were 'fine' until the genetic disparity with Touya's Quirk was detected. What's sad about that is if Touya didn't have that issue, he and Fuyumi would probably have been the only two siblings. Endeavor wanted Touya for a successor. Rei wanted Fuyumi so that Touya would have a sibling and they could support each other.
Natsuo and Shouto were born because Endeavor's ambitions meant more to him than his family.
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And tragically, Touya and Fuyumi are the only two kids in that family who can remember this happy life. It's why Fuyumi was so desperate to get it back, and in his own warped way, Touya also tried to reclaim it.
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Here's the thing that gets me, though:
It is very common and normal for a toddler to prefer one parent over the other. Usually, it's the parent they're the most family with: The one that stays home with and takes care of them.
Remember, to a toddler, everything is new and potentially scary, and that can often include a parent that is not always present: The parent that's working.
In the Todoroki house, Endeavor had his career as a hero, so we have the indication that Rei was the parent who stayed home. In that situation, the probability of Rei being the 'familiar parent' was more likely, so for Touya to prefer his father over his mother shows just how close he was to Endeavor. That probably happened because 1.) we can see Endeavor started training him at a very young age, and 2.) Fuyumi was the new baby and probably needed more attention from their mother, so Touya may have gravitated away from Rei on his own and went to his father instead.
Touya didn't see his father's ambitions for him. He didn't see that he was a successor as opposed to a son. What he, a child, saw and understood was that his father loved him and wanted to spend time with him. After the genetic disparity was detected and that pride and affection disappeared, he didn't know how to cope.
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In contrast, Natsuo and Shouto never even saw the family happy. Natsuo was three-four years old when this happened. Fuyumi looks devastated that things aren't her version of normal. Natsuo just looks confused because, again, everything is new to toddlers. This was the normal he grew up with. Touya attacking Shouto might be one of his first memories, so he never stood a chance and that is why he left home the moment he had the opportunity.
It also explains his lack of understanding for Fuyumi's hope for a normal family. Fuyumi's mindset runs as, "We had that once. It's possible to have it again." Which in its own way, expecting things can just return to the way they were is a little disrespectful to her brother that died, and I think Touya's reappearance did shatter her illusion since she never brings up 'being a real family' after Dabi's Dance.
The point is, since Natsuo never saw what Fuyumi and Touya saw, he can't see what she wants to return to, so her decision to forgive their father is one he can't comprehend.
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And if Natsuo can't remember the happy family, then there's no way Shouto does because this is what their home looked like by the time he was old enough to start forming concrete memories.
We're looking at two different sets of children, the older pair and the younger pair, who started out with very different childhoods.
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neverendingford · 2 years ago
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#I had a dream that the ladder of scars up my side un-faded and was visible again#unfortunately it was just a dream#they get visible when the temperature is just right and my skin coloration shifts a little bit with blood flow#but frankly quite sad that something that took so much work and hurt like hell didn't turn out how I wanted#I don't remember if it's 13 or 23 rungs. but either way.. over the ribs hurt like hell#maybe one day if I really really really feel like it I'll redo them. probably not. but who knows#it'll be midnight and the mood will hit me or something. you know how it is.#probably not though. I've grown enough that I'll just go eat some food and make a very messy painting instead#one of these days I should paint over my whole body. that would be cool#a big time investment and a lot of cleanup work but it would be fun#I've always had the idea to do some sort of art project where I paint/highlight my scars on some thematically appropriate day#if I ever do get any tattoos it's 100% gonna be visually collaborative with my scarring. that would be neat#it's not my fault scars and body injury have been a massive part of my identity since I was two years old#that's what you get for making a huge part of your monthly newsletter “the burned child is recovering well. here's several pictures of him”#that's what you get for making it into a story every time you meet old friends.#what you get for making me take off my shirt to show off “wow it's healed so well!” like I'm an attraction or experiment#anyway I should go back and write more stuff for my self insert oc who made me realize all this shit#because damn turns out I relate to the “child influencer has no privacy and grows up feeling like a spectacle” thing a little too hard#tag talk
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clare-875 · 1 month ago
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OMG, Hey, I'm new to this blog. I just read the "New Names" fic you recently wrote. Since Shanks is my favorite character, can you do one of him with the reader?
New Names pt.2 (Shanks, Sabo, Crocodile)
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_____ Pairings: Shanks x Reader; Sabo x Reader; Crocodile x Reader Summary: His reaction when you call him buddy, pal, etc. Warnings: Mostly fluff, Slightly suggestive, Female Reader A/N: I decided to add some characters! I hope you like it! <3 [One Piece Masterlist] [Part 1: Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Ace, Law] [Part 3: Corazon, Killer, Mihawk, Penguin] [Part 4: Kid, Katakuri, Smoker] _____
- Shanks -
(A/N: Slightly longer fic than the others <3)
You sigh as your crewmates look at you with shit-eating grins on their faces. "A deal's a deal [y/n]," Yassop tells you, leaning back smugly as you regrettably accept defeat. You had been playing a game of cards, but this time the only thing on the line was the loser having had to do one thing that the winner pleads. Yassop had (unfortunately for you) won, and he wanted to mess with his Captain through you. "Come on, is it the worst thing I could've asked you to do?" You roll your eyes.
"Fine, I'll do it."
You instantly hear the uproar of cheers from around you and smile despite yourself. The crew must really be bored to find such keen interest in such a little prank. But you would be lying to say you also weren't intrigued about your boyfriend's reaction. You get up from your chair and the crew looks on, amusement lingering in their gazes. Luckily for you, as soon as you stand, Shanks makes his way onto the deck. His eyes shine as soon as he sees you approach.
"Hey, love." He grins wide, beckoning you over.
You teasingly smile, but instead of running into him as you usually do, you pat him on the shoulder and walk past him.
"Hey dude, I'll see you in a minute. I've just got to talk to Benn about something."
You walk off, going to find the second-in-charge whilst trying to stifle your laughter. It's as though instantly you broke the man.
"Wait what-"
Shanks reaches for you but you are already gone. His grin fades and his form goes rigid, it's as though the renowned empower was reduced to something like a child just by your mere words. He looks as though he's seen a ghost.
"What did I do?"
He turns to his crewmates who look on, trying to stifle the laughs that threaten to break free. But ultimately they are able to play dumb.
"Don't ask us, Captain."
The rest of the day, Shanks is at your heels following you, talking to you, trying to figure out if he had done something wrong. But it is either you were truly indifferent or you were great at acting because, despite the name you call him, you hadn't changed. You still looked at him lovingly and happily returned conversation, but that only made the red-haired captain more frustrated.
"It's okay dude, I've got it."
"I'm doing great dude, how are you doing?"
"Hey, dude, mind passing me that?"
It drives your Captain insane.
You only break when night falls, and finally, Yassop's word means nothing as the day has passed. You were lying in bed next to your boyfriend and you could feel his burning stare on you. You turn, and sure enough, your Captain looks at you intently, a crease between his brow.
"What is it?" You say, an amused tone lingering beneath your words. Shanks looks as though he is almost pouting and you have to stop yourself from laughing at the childish display of sadness placed right in front of you.
"Love, did I do something wrong today?"
You tilt your head to the side as the red-haired man in front of you finally spills the words he has been holding onto all day.
"You kept calling me dude."
You try to hold your facade, but light laughter falls from your lips, and it only causes the crease between Shank's eyebrows to deepen. A frown lingered on his face.
"Love," you say, and you instantly see the way his irises enlighten even in the darkness of the room. "It was a prank. I lost a bet with Yassop, I'm sorry." You smile sheepishly and your Captain looks dumbfounded as he stares at you blankly. But you yelp as he suddenly pulls you into his side. When you look up he is staring at you with a burning intensity.
"So you're saying I suffered all day, because of a stupid bet?"
You nervously look to your Captain and mutter a small yes. You swear you capture a glimpse of a relieved smile, but he takes you aback as soon, his lips capture yours.
"You'll pay for that princess."
He murmurs to you teasingly and you laugh before he kisses you once more, warmth igniting within you. His hands are in your hair as your lips move against his more fervently, your touch travels among his bare skin.
"Sure, dude." You mutter.
You can hear Shanks growl lowly in your ear at your response.
- Sabo -
It was a normal day at the Revolutionary Army's base and Sabo hadn't a care in the world. Or at least that's what he thought. Unbeknownst to him, however, were you and Koala planning to make the most of a rare, quiet day. And by making the most of it, you meant ruining Sabo's peace. You were sick of him hanging up on you prematurely and ignoring you when he got too engrossed in a mission.
You both wanted to get him back.
"Come on, [y/n], here he comes!" Koala all but pushes you in the direction of your boyfriend, as she holds a hand to her mouth to stop her giggles. You roll your eyes but wink in her direction, hiding your own grin as you approach. It was just a small prank, after all, nothing to worry about. As you get closer, Sabo looks up from a map he was observing and he smiles at you.
"Love! Take a look, it's for the next mission Dragon-san set us."
You smile softly at his devotion but continue on your secret task at hand; you know Koala is somewhere still watching.
"Looks cool, man. Have you gotten far with the planning yet?"
Sabo is about to reply, but he suddenly freezes when the words you say click in his mind. You stifle a grin, as you watch his eyebrows furrow together and his lips downturn. He gazes at you, but instead of the loving stare you had just seen, all you see is confusion and slight worry.
"Love, is something wrong?"
You smile softly trying not to let it turn into a grin.
"No, of course not... man."
Sabo freezes once more in disdain at the choice of your words. His keen eyes seem to travel yours looking for answers, and you can see his increasing frustration when he finds none. However, he seems to stop when he sees something behind you.
"What-,"
You hear a squeak and you know that it is a Koala, most likely spotted by your boyfriend. You see his lips quirk upwards slightly. Trying to keep up a facade you try to save it by interrupting him.
"Anyway, we should really be getting back to the-"
But your boyfriend seems to have caught onto the game you both were playing and he leans into you teasingly.
"Really, love? Why is Koala hiding behind the wall over there?"
"I don't see anyone." You say as you try to play dumb, but the grin on Sabo's face only widens. Your smile on the other hand wavers and it slowly turns to a pout as you realise he has caught on so quickly.
You turn your face away from your boyfriend defiantly but Sabo is quick to reach out and keep you facing him. You look so pretty to him, even when you're upset. Sabo lets out a low chuckle, but when you meet his eyes you are surprised to see the adoration and relief etched within.
"You know, love. If you wanted attention, you could've just asked."
He leans forward and kisses your pouting lips until he feels them upturn against his once more.
- Crocodile -
As you wait in your shared chambers after lord knows how long, your bored mind starts to wander. You come up with an idea that may not be a good idea in the face of a former warlord of the sea, but you already find yourself convinced. Crocodile had been busy the past weeks and you had barely seen him. You missed him but it also made you petty.
You find yourself hiding a grin when your stoic boyfriend makes his way into the room. He seems tired and smoke still blows from the cigar in his mouth. You stand instantly, giving him a kind smile and you momentarily see his eyes soften at the sight of you. You gently pry the jacket from his broad shoulders and hang it up on the wall.
"Evening, love."
His words are murmured lowly in your ear as he walks past. Your heart thrums faster in your chest, but you decide to go through with your little game anyway.
"Evening, pal. How was your day?"
Your words are softly spoken and soothe Crocodile's raging mind after a strenuous day. However, as soon as he picks up the change in the name you call him, irritation brims, causing his eyes to sharpen when he turns to you.
"What was that?"
Your boyfriend's voice is anything but even. It takes on a deadly edge but you know that despite his tenacious nature, he wouldn't exactly do anything to you for a small prank. Or at least that's what you thought, and so you continued.
"What was what, pal?"
You have to fight a grin at the decomposition of your boyfriend's usually sure facade. But soon, the smile on your face fades and in its place anticipation thrums through you. Your boyfriend is suddenly hovering in front of you, a hand placed surprisingly gently under your chin and forcing you to look at him.
"Don't start now, love." He growls lowly into your ear, and your heart picks up pace from the sudden proximity. You feel yourself falter, but you are determined to see your little plan through.
"What are you talking about, pal?"
If it weren't for the intensity in his stare, you would've laughed at the almost comical name you called such a serious individual. However, Crocodile seems to have had a long day, and now as his beloved seems to want to play games, the day seems scarcely over; punishment is in order.
"I think it's time you remember, exactly who you're calling pal."
You let out a gasp as he hoists you over his shoulder, and you struggle only for a minute before giving in.
You should've known that messing with Crocodile would come with consequences.
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thewitchblue · 2 months ago
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"I'm curious about something."
Jason asked you one snowy November. You turned away from your computer to face him with a fond smile on your face. You were working on a case for him by researching the deceased and locating their soul to speak to the victim. He approached you and leaned against the desk. You asked,
"What's up, buttercup? What's on your pretty mind?"
You noticed his hand trying to hold yours, but you turn ghostly to prevent him from touching you. You're a grim reaper, one of several scattered throughout different continents, and very dead. Hurt flashes in his eyes, but he asks as casually as possible,
"Is it true about the embrace of death?"
Well, that's a new thought you didn't expect to hear him ask. You blinked in confusion before answering vaguely,
"I'm a Reaper, pretty boy. Consider me one of the Valkyries from Norse mythology; I'm here to guide souls to their specific place. I don't embrace or kiss the souls. Their soul is often already floating around when I get there. That's why some people experience after-death moments with loved ones. Grandma's last kiss, a child holding their mother's hand, parents embracing their newly orphaned children, little things like that."
You weren't sure how to explain your job in a way that makes sense for the living, but you tried. Jason seemed unsatisfied by your answer, so you asked kindly,
"What did you really want to know, my love?"
He frowned at your ghostly hand. Is it really too much to want to touch his partner? He paused and said after a beat of silence,
"I... want to hold your hand and kiss you, but you always pull away. I want to know why."
You gave him a sad look and softly admit,
"I've never touched a living soul since my death. I'm worried what will happen to you if I did touch you."
He grumbled and offered his father as a sacrificial lamb to find out what happens, but you laughed and softly said,
"If you can stomach Bruce being the first man to ever touch me post-mortem, I'll touch him."
You knew that wouldn't be the case. He huffed and pouted, but softly admitted,
"I want to be the first man you ever touch since your death."
You look at him seriously for a moment. You know Jason would drop the topic if you told him no, but part of you wanted to say yes. You weren't sure if you wanted to let this go. You want to hold his hand on a cold winter day and kiss him thousands of times to make up for lost time.
With great hesitation, you touched Jason's arm. He was warm against your timid hand and so muscular. You slowly run your hands along his arms while watching him carefully. You waited to see if he was feeling anything negative. You weren't sure if you felt his life force leaving him or his pulse racing under your hand as you held his wrist in your fingers.
Jason shivered under your light touch. You were freezing cold, but he didn't feel any different than he felt before. You looked in awe that you could touch a living soul without consequences, and he was so smug.
He had a feeling it would be okay to touch you. He thought it was adorable that you wanted to protect him from your ghostly touch, nonetheless. He was only 87% sure he would have been fine. He didn't know if you could turn your power on-and-off like he hoped and now knew was possible.
You hadn't known people could be this warm. You've been dead for so long, you had forgotten. Souls are cold, so you're never warm.
You grin at him and immediate pull him into a kiss. You could kiss him! His soul isn't being pulled out of him! You were ecstatic. Once you started, you found you couldn't stop.
You gave him thousands of kisses as he chuckled. He's never seen you so happy. You held both his hands in your scarred ones.
Your soul shines in happiness, which makes him grin. He loves you and loves the confirmation you loved him, too. Your soul tells him everything you're feeling, and he's never seen you this happy. It's reassuring to see your love for him pulsing throughout your ghostly spirit. It's like you couldn't keep it in.
Your eyes lit up at the new revolution. You were bursting with love and adoration. You tell him as you held his face in your hands,
"These hands are forever yours. You're going to be stuck with me now onwards."
He laughed at the serious tone and kissed your hands with a grin on his face. The lights in your apartment flicker in response to your happiness, but you can't help it. Your powers charge and pulse when you get emotional.
You murmur as you caress his face in your hands,
"I love you."
You run your fingers through his hair while he buries his face in your neck and wraps his arms around you.
"I know, pipsqueak."
He nips your neck playfully, partially surprised you let him. You kiss his forehead and draw him closer with your arms,
"Good. You deserve to know."
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csainzoperator · 1 year ago
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baby : CL16 ☆
summary: y/n horner has dropped a new single. its a sexy and fun song. but y/n had broken up 4 years ago, and since then there was one superhit album with a sad and shady vibe. new year, new y/n? or new man? let's find out.
(charles leclerc × singer!reader)
trigger warnings: sexual intendos, typos (tried my best to not make any)
face claim: barbara palvin
read more under the cut!
y/nusername has posted!
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hi, lovers. i know its been quite a while since you've heard from me but hey! i'm back and my single "baby" is dropping on friday, 8/12/23. stay tuned for more updates. love you all always, i thank each one of you as i wouldn't be here if it weren't for you guys 💋
liked by taylorswift, landonorris, charles_leclerc and 928,712,821 others
christianhorner proud of you, darling ❤️
- gerihalliwellhorner WE are proud of you (the spice girl inside me is squeaking)
landonorris GO BESTIE
- y/nusername ILY DUMBASS
carlossainz55 all the drivers can't wait for this! (we all are disgusted on the inside)
- y/nusername 🤭🤭
- estiebestieee GIRL WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
- y/nloverrr stop....DOES THAT MEAN THE DRIVERS HAVE HEARD THE SONG ALREADY
- pierregasly 🤐
y/nfann YOU LOOK SO PRETTY
paddockclubb y'all wondering if the drivers have heard the song when i'm out here questioning reality cos CHARLES LECLERC HAS LIKED THIS POST.
it was the end of season lunch and you were kind of nervous as you would finally be telling your parents about charles and you. your friends were thrilled but you just didn't know how your father would react.
the heavenly creatures and godly people had given you a blessing. BECAUSE NO WAY IN HELL YOUR FATHER KNEW ABOUT IT ALL ALONG?
"you aren't letting him in on any red bull secrets now, are you?" your father questioned you. and you replied right back, with mock seriousness. "you mean have i told him how max cuddles his cats and how checo never stops talking about mexican food? yes dad i've kept that a secret." your boyfriend lets out a chuckle as you finish your sentence, squeezing your thigh below the table.
"aww maxie you're a softie at heart" lando teases him as max glares at you playfully. the brunch was a success and you just couldn't wait to get back to the hotel with charles because, oh dear lord. he looked absolutely ravishing. divine. sublime even. and he knew what was on your mind, the way his hands kept brushing yours, his soft kisses when no one was looking. you felt it all.
y/nusername has posted!
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fancy hotel but this is how we showed up 🤞🏼 liked by christianhorner, charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 99,827 others.
landonorris oooh who's that hot man
- y/nusername carlossainz55 come get your child
- carlossainz55 my apologies
- carlaaaando EXACTLY WHO IS THAT MAN
charles_leclerc 🌟
y/nusername has liked this comment
- f1wags WTF ARE Y'ALL SEEING THIS.
- estiebestiee if y/n and charles are a thing. I'M NOT READY FOR THIS 🖐🏼
y/nloverr OK BUT THE UPGRADE THO. from that trash guy 4 years ago to charles mfkin leclerc 🙏🏼
it was the big day. your single was about to drop today and your boyfriend was lying down on your lap, telling you how he would LOVE to tell the world that the song was about him. you agreed, it was about him. he slowly got up and wrapped his arms around your waist, letting his hands slip under your shirt.
"aren't we getting cheeky now, mr leclerc?" you teased. "oh we are just getting started, baby" he mumbles as he kisses down your neck. and just like that, he made your big day much more special by his, let's say, needy touches.
y/nusername has posted!
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"baby" out now on all platforms! enjoy streaming. sending kisses 💋 liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, lewishamilton and 288,718,123 others.
y/nfannn "baby, baby, do i taste like candy, sugarcoated he says i'm the most sweet" UM GUYS????? I'M NOT OK 🖐🏼
landonorris great song ig 🙄
- y/nusername oh cmon we all know you love it
lewishamilton great job, sis. got a sick beat 🖤
y/nusername has liked this comment
f1wags GUYS. I'M 100% SURE THAT'S CHARLES' BACK.
- carlandooo RAH STOP I'M WEAK IN MY KNEES RN
y/nloverrr "i'm a handful but, that's what hands are for. pin me to the floor, treat it like its yours" SCREAMING YELLING KICKING MY FEET IN THE AIR GN. she ate that up 🙏🏼
charles_leclerc 🤭
charles_leclerc has posted!
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"baby" is ab me. y'all can cry now 🤭 liked by y/nusername, arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 287,112,123 others.
y/nusername i love you, baby.
- charles_leclerc NAH. i love you more.
- y/nusername shut up, i will kill every person who says against me, i love you more.
- charles_leclerc wow look at you making me all scared AND getting me horny at the same time.
landonorris UM. I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT.
pierregasly THERE ARE KIDS ON THIS APP.
maxverstappen1 why y'all acting like we didn't know since ages. anyways. *pretends to be shook* CONGRATS GUYS!
y/nleclercfan PARENTS 🤞🏼
lechairrr y/n basically told us how good charles is in bed by her song 😭
f1wags HAH. I KNEW IT. I SAW IT COMING BUT I'M STILL SO SHOOK RN?????
scuderiaferrari red looks good on you guys ❤️
the end ♡
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aquasarsstuff · 5 months ago
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Endeavors with the General ft. General Lilia Vanrouge x reader
Tag: Long haired Lilia, fluff, he's the wife, he's pretty soft here guys, no gender mentioned
A/N: how tf do you write him? You can't tell me that no one is taking care of that beautiful hair let's forget silver who only uses soap. This is tribute for my hair that's getting cut. For context, I have a wavy hair that's more than 24 inches long. With a small estimation, I like to think that General Lilia and I have almost the same hair length. Thanks for reading my fics guys. I feel like my passion in writing is coming back just needed some validation
Masterlist
---
Being a general, your husband, most often than not, comes home looking unkempt. You don't chastise him for it. In fact it is one of the ways you get to bond with him and his busy schedule. With the way between humans and faes, you rarely got the chance to spend with Lilia as the kingdom's safety often calls for his attention. Most of the time, you are worried of his line of work, but you know his loyalty lies far deeper than just for the kingdom.
Now, you giddily opened the letter from Lilia. It seems that he will be coming home tonight. To prepare for his upcoming arrival, you canceled all your plans and used all the remaining time you have to plan a great dinner and sleep for him.
For hours, the servants around the house watch as you pace back and forth, waiting for Lilia's arrival
"Lilia!"
You jumped at him as soon as he opened the door. He effortlessly caught you as always, not even surprise at this entrance. "I've missed you." You push back the scarf on his head and slide off his mask. You were greeted by by his gentle face as soon as you did. Immediately, your lips that were magnetically attracted to his skin, latch on his cheek. You gave him plenty of kisses, yet purposely missing his twitching lips.
"It's only been 4 days." His hands fell on your waist. After you stopped from showering him with affection, you buried your head on his shoulder and hugged him back.
"4 days and 4 nights without you, to be exact. I was so worried when you didn't answer my first letter."
"I can't just be at your beck and call all the the time." He sighs before continuing, "It won't happen again."
You raised your head and look away from him, pretending that you are pondering of your verdict for him. You hum, "Well since you're here now, I forgive you." He huffed when you poke his nose and patted his head. You can see his cheeks darken after doing so.
"I'm not a child," he grumbled. You laughed at his bashful demeanor. He didn't exactly say that he didn't like it, and if he did, he could've pulled your hand away. Instead, you see the fearsome phantom general of Briar Valley act this cute.
"Yes yes, you are not love. Though there is nothing wrong with me desiring to be affectionate with my husband, no?" You wrapped your arms around his neck and finally gave his lips some love too. You broke the hug between you and gently took his hand, to dragged him to the dining room. As soon as you opened the room, he sees the array of servants carrying dishes. Even if the food were covered, his heightened senses immediately knew most what it was. He pulled one of the chairs for you to sit on before taking a seat for himself.
As the dishes were laid on the table, you turned towards Lilia. You noticed that he was just staring as the dishes were being served.
"Is it not to your liking?" you asked him, worried that there is something wrong.
"It's different back in the camp," he lied.
"You should eat a lot then!"
He winced as he realized that his excuse backfired on him. Truth to be told, he had a feast back in the princess castle, because someone insisted on keeping him stuffed for the journey back to you. Though seeing your enthusiastic demeanor, he could only groan internally as he is more apprehensive of seeing you sad than his stomach bursting.
Throughout the whole dinner, you kept rambling about what happened to you while he was away. Seeing how distracted you were, he opted to hand some of his portions from his plate to yours.
---
That was one of the ways you can bond with him: eating together. Another was through self-care.
You gently pulled the hair tie out of his locks, letting it flow freely. "Now what would I find here again?" You gently separated the hair strands and found a small twig stuck in Lilia's hair. A common find.
"You didn't have to do this. I've already dealt with this after I took a bath," he sighed when you shook your head.
"Tell it to this twig then." You enjoy his long locks too much to agree his earlier proposal. "You can't see your whole head, Lilia. Just let me do my work, hm?"
You softly brush his hair, admiring how the strands transition from black to red. "Besides, you have to thank me for keeping it this beautiful."
"It's no different than before," he retorts back.
You pouted, unable to find a counterattack. It was true that he was naturally gifted with his tresses. Even before your marriage, his hair albeit a little tangle at times, was still silky smooth to the touch. You speak from experience.
"What do you even do to have something like this? Do you have some secret routine you're not telling me?"
"Water and soap washes away dirt easily."
"That is true, but I was talking about your hair."
"And?"
"Wait what?"
Now in the present, we understand why Silver uses soap as his shampoo.
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bbydoll18xx · 5 months ago
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How Do I Get to Heaven?
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'Without changing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?'
Paige Bueckers x reader
Word Count: 1.8k
Themes: angst, slurs, religious trauma, HAPPY ENDING i promise
A/N: hiii so this one is super angsty and sad. I've been going through a rough time, and this is my way of coping. I kinda touched on these subjects in 'She's Such a Good Girl' part 2, and this is similar. I was obsessed with 'Heaven' by Troye Sivan when I was like 15-16 and the lyrics hit a little too hard. If you're gay and were raised in a religious household, I suggest taking a listen.
~
“He’s a fuckin’ faggot!”
“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”
“Those kinds of people are going straight to hell.”
Your face remained neutral. It had to. But you had years of practice, and while you were internally sobbing at the bigoted remarks, there was nothing you could do to stop it. So you stayed quiet, and you maintained your usual look of disinterest. 
Running up the stairs, you finally make it into the safehaven of your bedroom. You shut the door quietly, trying to avoid seeming as if anything is wrong or out of the ordinary. Nothing could possibly be wrong. You were the perfect child; straight As, never in trouble, and you always were eager to help out around the house. But you were harboring a dirty little secret that threatened to rip you from the grips of being the golden girl of your family. 
Sobs wracked your body as you slid onto the carpeted floor of your room. What had started off as an innocent dinner had turned into a nightmare. Slurs were thrown around casually, and unbeknownst to your family, you were the unidentified target. Your sexuality was the reason you had become an empty shell of a person, riddled with fear of accidentally outting yourself. And the anxieties you felt were bubbling up, threatening to ruin the perfect image of yourself that you had crafted for your loved ones. 
This wasn’t the first time. And it surely would not be the last. 
Your family had always claimed to love you. Your childhood was a happy one, but you feared the truth would break everyone. And even if they found out and still claimed to love you, you knew they would always see you differently. Gone would be the girl they knew, and their eager touts would be replaced with hushed whispers. You’d forever be known as “the gay one.” And you fucking resented that.
So here you sat on the floor, trying to quiet your sobs as you mourned the loss of the life you once knew and the people who would eventually turn their backs to you. 
Summer was ending, and soon you would be fleeing back to college, where your guard could be let down just enough to show the world a glimpse of who you really were and who you really wanted to love. 
There was just one girl who you wanted to love you back.
Paige Bueckers was your best friend. And she was so very gay. 
Since meeting her at the beginning of freshman year, she had pulled you out of a darkness that had resided in you since you had realized your feelings towards girls. It did not take long for you to fall madly, head-over-heels in love with her, but you had vowed to ignore it. 
Even if there was any hope of reciprocated feelings, you knew deep down that being in love with a girl would mean having to come out to your family. And you were just not ready for that. You weren’t sure if you would ever be ready for that. 
The thought terrified you. You knew you were willingly inhibiting a possibility of incredible happiness and love, but because it was at the risk of losing your loved ones, you were shutting it all out. 
‘Fuck. I really need therapy,’ you think miserably. 
That was the understatement of the century.
~
The new school year starts, and Uconn’s campus is ablaze with excited students and the possibilities of what is to come. You are finally starting to feel like yourself again, and the second your parents leave your apartment, you don a t-shirt plastered with Diana Taurasi’s face on it. 
You could finally get your gay card back.
A loud knock rings through the empty apartment, and before you could get to the door to answer it, Paige is peeking her head through it, a huge grin covering her face. 
She wastes no time barreling through the room, sweeping you up in a hug and spinning you around. Your feet leave the ground, causing your stomach to flip, and your legs automatically wrap around her waist for leverage. 
“Someone missed me,” you giggle, feeling breathless from being back in Paige’s tight embrace. You had been dreaming of this since you last saw her, back in July. 
“Course I did,” she chuckles, voice muffled against your hair. “You glad to be back?”
You groan. “Fuck, yeah I am. Lookin’ forward to not hearing some slurs for a bit,” you say, fist-pumping the air with a dramatic roll of the eyes. “And I’m especially looking forward to not having to listen to Fox fuckin’ News,” you add, pretending to gag.
Paige’s eyes rake over you, and she pouts, already knowing how your family could be. She had listened to your endless rants and your pathetic cries for the past three years. 
“I think you should just move in with me after this year ends. That way you don’t have to put up with that shit. Then we can be together after graduation,” she says earnestly. 
This was not the first time she had proposed this idea. And while you were internally jumping at the idea, the fear of how it would look to your family made you shy away. Paige wasn’t exactly the most straight-looking girl. Living with her would make things complicated. Your covert feelings had no place in a situation like that. 
You sigh. “I’ll think about it, P,” you promise, linking your pinky with hers, as you always did. 
~
Christmas break quickly rolls around, and Paige’s words are still playing in the back of your mind. Your feelings for her had grown, as if that was even possible, and having to leave her and the safety and warmth that came with her, was agonizing. 
Sitting against the hard back of the pew in your family’s Catholic church, you look around, thinking about how these people would be okay with you burning in hell forevermore. The familiar feeling of shame creeps back into your chest, the flames licking at your wounds. 
You wanted to run and hide. You wanted Paige. 
The Christmas activities persist, and amongst the holiday cheer and piles of gifts, uncomfortable conversations emerge, and you shrink back to your room, desperate for respite.
You felt so fucking abandoned. This was supposed to be a time to enjoy with your family, and instead you were hiding.
There was one person, though, you knew would not abandon you, and that was Paige. Her presence was enough to lessen the sting of the inevitable rejection of your family, and in that moment, it was enough. 
Pulling out your phone, you dial her number, longing to hear her voice, all the way from Montana. Christmas break could not end quickly enough. 
Paige’s smiling face is soon on your phone screen, but it falls as soon as she sees the tears falling down your cheeks and your wobbling bottom lip.
“Oh, baby, what happened?” She asks in a hushed whisper, voice full of anger and concern. 
“They hate me,” you cry. “They fucking hate me, and they don’t even know it yet.”
Paige sighs, trying to find the right words. While she had always had acceptance from those around her, she knew how difficult it was for you to be at home, and she desperately wished to take away your anguish. 
“I love you,” she stresses. “And I know that doesnt fix your family treating you like shit, but soon you’ll be back and everything won’t seem as shitty, I promise.” 
You nod, wiping at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweatshirt. 
She loved you. And you knew that. But you wanted her to love you in the way you loved her. For now, you would take what you could get.
“Just a few more days,” she assures, and you feel the tiniest bit better.
Just a few more days. 
~
The start of the new year always engenders change, and you had promised yourself as the clock chimed to signify it was midnight that this would be the year you would hike up your big girl panties and figure out your shit with Paige. Your senior year had to slow down, and Paige’s proposal had been in the back of your mind since August. 
If you could get over your stupid crush on her, things would be all good and dandy, but your efforts to eradicate her place in your heart were futile. You had mused it over nearly a million times. Maybe you’d eventually get over her, and maybe she would have some bizarre habit that would inevitably give you the ick, ridding you of all romantic feelings toward her. 
You could only hope. 
You pump yourself up on the way over to Paige’s apartment, encouraging words forming on your lips, leaving a trail of fog from your warm breath against the cold air. 
You knock on her door, cheeks pink from the frigid temperatures of Connecticut in January, grateful that it hides your blush. Paige opens the door, eyes wide and hopeful. She always looked so damn alluring. 
Your words leave your mouth before your chary mind could overtake you. “I want to move in with you after school ends. I can’t go back to living like that.”
Paige’s features twist into a smile, and she pulls you in for a hug. “Gonna take such good care of you,” she whispers, and you believe her. Your arms wrap around her middle, anchoring you to the floor. 
“I should probably tell you, though,” she trails, her voice getting smaller as she takes a deep breath. 
You look up at her, confusedly. “Tell me what?”
“I love you. And not just like as a friend. So if you don’t want to live with me because of that, I get it,” she mumbles, eyes trained on the floor.
Your breath quickens at the realization. Paige loved you. And the thought of being a colossal disappointment to your family and potentially cast out did not seem to matter as much anymore. Because here was someone who loved every part of you and accepted the good, the bad, and the ugly. 
The look of shock swiftly morphs into one of unbridled euphoria, and without another thought, you pull Paige in for a kiss. It was filled with the pure longing and want of years of uncontrollable urges and repressed thoughts, and it nearly made all the shittiness worth it.
Pulling away, Paige links her pinky with yours again, just as she had back in August. It was an unspoken promise of love. And while you knew the journey would be inexorably difficult, Paige was worth it in the end. 
~
dang that was rough lol but thanks for reading as always:) I really hope this wasn't too triggering or anything for anyone. This has been such a nice outlet for my pain and anger, as I really don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff. I am here for everyone who can relate. My inbox is open if you guys ever want/need to talk
xoxo katy
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marymary-diva17 · 1 year ago
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Heeeyyy it's been a while since I've been here, but i got another idea.
So you remember me telling about the trope of readee being hated and suxh by the sully, well, instead of the usual 'sad reader wanting to fit in the family and gets hurt in the process', i actually thought of a reader who is overly calm and very strategic and honestly doesn't care about the fact that her family hates her, cause she spends more time with her friends and such and only comes when it's an emergency. She's also better than Neteyam at being a warrior that she trained many new warriors and has a very high spiritual connection with eywa, even more than Kiri
sully family x sister/daughter
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The sully family had live by two quotes one of them being " sully stick together" and second on being " that their family was a fortress" well that was all true but false. There was one family member that didn't get the same love and treatment like all the other children within the family and outside of the family. That family member is Jake and neytiri daughter, who never seem to with over her parents and even her siblings along with the rest of the clan. A child who does not get love and care will soon grow up by themselves and becoming independent, and might not return love and care to those who never gave it to them.
y/n " ........" you soon rolled out of bed way before any of your siblings wake up, even before your parents as well. This is the norm for you from such a young age you learned to stay out of your family way.
y/n " good morning grandmother" you soon went to the healer hut to see your grandmother as she was getting ready for the day.
mo'at " hello my granddaughter you are here early"
y/n " well it best if I stay out of toruk makto way along with neytiri as well" mo'at was the only few people who cared for the child, and over time grow dislike towards Jake and neytiri for their treatment of their daughter.
mo'at " yes it seems like goes well for you when you keep out of their way along with majority of the clan"
y/n " well I do stay around to make sure everyone is safe I even watch over tuk and younger kids when they play, far from their mothers watch but make sure not to get caught"
mo'at " you are might warrior my child and pure of heart as well"
y/n " well I only have a few more years of being a teen until I'm an adult and toruk makto will tell me to leave or kick me out"
mo'at " well you always have a place in my home my child"
y/n " thank you grandmother I might stay her a bit longer when I'm older then leave to seek out more of our world as eywa has been calling me"
mo'at " follow your heart my dear" you smile at your grandmother the happy mood had been changed, when the other healers had arrived young and old but none of them set towards the hut.
mo'at " don't stand there like fools come we have to get ready for the day"
y/n " it best if I take my leave grandmother my present make everyone uncomfortable"
mo'at " dear you can stay your sisters will be coming for thier lessons, and I will love you to join them"
y/n " I will like to honor your wish but that will lead to trouble for you grandmother, with our mighty leader I will see you later on" you bid your grandmother goodbye and soon left the hut, getting glares and hearing whispers but you didn't care you stopped care many years ago.
y/n " sisters good morning"
kiri "morning y/n"
tuk " big sister good morning I have missed you ... oh I mean good morning y/n" you sighed as tuk had been the only sibling to call you sister, but it seems like Jake and neytiri actions and words had finally made her start calling you sister.
tuk " are you here to help grandmother and learn with us"
tuk " that not fair or nice"
y/n " it okay little one I understand well I shouldn't hold you all up anymore, I pray to the great mother to watch over all three of you" the duo said nothing else as they soon walked away from you, but it seems like they felt bad about their behavior. You were walking around the village trying to get somewhere.
y/n " ......" you had realized you had forgotten something that home, and soon ran back to get it. You soon reached the home and went to your bed and grabbed it, the home smells like breakfast meaning the family had morning meal together. You had sighed it was normal for you to not have meals with your family at home.
y/n " time to get going" you had grabbed your armband and soon put it on before you walked out of your home, you soon made your way through the village once again.
navi man " there that girl again"
navi women " I still can't believe she toruk makto daughter she nothing like her parents or siblings, even kiri a better daughter then her"
navi man 2 " I have heard rumors that toruk makto has plans to send to live on her own"
navi women " well I heard him and neytiri were trying to find a boy to become her mate, they were given any man a good offer to be with her" you had gotten use to hearing all the hate and rumors made about you, over time when you were younger you tried you best to prove you were good enough but soon stopped over time. The feeling of not caring about other had started when you become 13 and stayed that way since then.
Jake " if we hunt on these grounds we will be able to bring back a good hunt" you soon came across Jake and his hunting group as he had your brothers and spider with him.
y/n " ........" one of the warriors had noticed you and soon whispered something to the group, as everyone soon looked at you.
Jake " y/n you are wake you were not up when we served morning meal, your mother works hard on these meals it rude to miss them"
y/n " I'm sorry sir but something came up that morning and I went to meet with grandmother"
Jake " sure whatever just stay out of trouble I don't need you causing anymore trouble"
y/n " yes sir"
lo'ak " hey sis well dad giving you the same lecture over and over again, when are you going to learn"
y/n " when are you going to stop being so hothead brother"
spider " haha she got you good bro"
neteyam " enough the people are watching stop picking on him y/n it rude"
y/n " what he started it"
neteyam " well you need to be the better person dad is stress enough he doesn't need more work about you, and have you been practicing you skills .... you know how dad and mom are"
y/n " I ....."
neytiri " yes have you been training or act like your child your younger sister has better skills then you"
neteyam " mom"
y/n " yes I have been practicing ma'am"
neytiri " not enough if you haven't pass the test like your brother"
y/n " I'm doing my best that all I can say"
Jake " enough y/n I and your mother have more important stuff to deal with verse your failing to caught up with the family .... just go and stay out of the way of everyone and everything" you didn't say anything else as you soon walked away. Your brother and spider said nothing else, even tsutey who was there said nothing as well.
norm " hey there kiddo off again"
y/n " yes same as usual"
max " had another fight with your dad again and mom"
y/n " yes it seems like I'm not enough for Jake sully and neytiri, always blaming me for stuff like some of the others and always judging me"
norm " he does care"
y/n " stopping lying we all know that false norm he doesn't care and he will never care" norm and max along with some other humans knew that was true and hate how you were treated, but they couldn't say and do that much unless they wish to start trouble with the clan.
max " you know one day you will do something amazing kid"
y/n " thank you max well I'm going off if you need Jake sully he about to leave with his hunting party along, with my brother and spider" you soon ran off getting far away from home tree and soon calling your ikran, she was not allowed to stay with the others because she looked different and was not wanted around.
y/n " come on girl lets go for a flight and to see what we will happen today" you soon took off on your ikran and started flying around the skies, feeling for free and happy. After some travel you soon reached a part the end of the forest and where the sea began. This was so a beautiful place.
y/n " ........" you were walking around the area exploring everything and having a bright smile on your face. Then you felt someone place their hands on your waist.
y/n " ahhh kawwney" you had turned around to see you friend kawwney standing there, he soon smirked at you. As he soon backed away from you and smiled.
kawwney " hello ma y/n I was waiting for your arrival"
y/n " well I'm help to me here it better then being at home right now" kawwney had become your friend many years ago when you both of you were small. He was not from the forest he was from reef clan the metkayaian, you had meet him when you were with your grandmother on trip and kawwney was with his mom. After that day the both of you had become the best of friends.
Kawwney " almsot there hold it like that ... okay now fire the spear" you soon fire the spear and soon hit the target as kawwney had cheered for you.
kawwney " good job you are doing a well job with using a spear and your breathing as well"
y/n " thank you"
kawwney “ what the matter”
y/n “ family problems once again” kawwney soon sighed he knew you didn’t have, a good relationship with your parents. He really didn't like your parents and clan for their treatment of you, and he really wished to do anything to make your life better.
Kawwney “ y/n you are perfect no matter what they have to say or do, they are blind fools for treating you like this”
Y/n “ thank you kawwney there are whispers going around that Jake will kick me out or true to marry to off not anyone who will take the offer”
kawwney “ I will take the offer or even he does kick you out if you leave come join my clan, out of all forest Navi we have seen we only likes a few … you make those names of people we like even my father likes you and wishes to have you stay with us”
y/n “ thank you kawwney you will make a great leader one day and bring pride to your clan and people”
kawweny “ thanks you and one day you will make a great tshiak and leader, as well maybe you can rule by my side as well”
kawwney “ here a gift my dear a necklace I made for you perfect for you, and it will symbolize our bond” you smile as kawwney as he place the necklace around your neck, kawwney soon pulled your closer to him not caring who saw them.
later at night
y/n " ......." you soon had arrived home after being gone all day with your friends having a fun time and practicing as well, you heard your family laughing and talking. Once she had stepped into the home everything had become silent as everyone looked at her.
Jake " it seems like you have decided to come home after all"
y/n " yes sir I was out doing some practice"
Jake " that seems like a bunch of lies young lady"
y/n " ........."
Jake " you know you will soon be an adult you will need to make, the right decision if you wish to have a place in the clan and family" you didn't say anything as you nodded your head.
neytiri " if you can't be a hunter then lets hope you can do something else for the clan and family, or maybe your father and brother can find you a good match to strengthen the family and clan" your siblings stay quite as they watched your parents speak to you.
Jake " y/n you can't stay act like a child for the rest of your life, soon you will have to grow up and become an adult and give up your childish for once and a while"
y/n " yes sir"
Jake " good now this conversation is over with I hope you will take I and your mother words to heart" you stayed silent you knew the day will come when your family will have to make the decisions, to allow you to stay in the family of to have you leave. You had taken some soon went to bed to stay out of your family happy moment together, you soon thought about the words Jake will say " sully stick together" and " that our family is a fortress". You soon scoffed at those words they were false words coming from a man that has failed to be father to his daughter. When the time will come you will make the decisions you want that will mean no longer being a sully, even if it mean parting some the life she had live for so many years but maybe it was time for some change in her life.
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sugar-grigri · 8 months ago
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Denji no longer has access to his heart
The golden rule in Chainsaw Man is to focus on the title, since it's the key to reading the story.
Rain, Brothel, Removal seem to be three absurdly unrelated elements, and Fujimoto likes to put it that way, because the challenge for the reader is to find a way of reading that links them together.
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This chapter is funny as well as disturbing, deeply sad, and in itself this collection of sensations just makes you uncomfortable, since the tone is always reversed, and the protagonist himself refuses to allow his situation to be a comic spring.
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Fujimoto confirms an interpretation that is fundamental to understanding Denji: his character thinks only in terms of short-term objectives, incapable of projecting himself, just as he responds only to the satisfaction of needs without being able to verbalize and think about his unhappiness in a more abstract way.
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Denji, for example, isn't thinking about whether sex is actually a solution to his problems, no, it's more concrete than that: he's thinking about whether he's masturbated recently.
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Another piece of evidence is the rain. I've always thought that when it rains in Fujimoto's works, it's proof that no lies are being told.
Whether in Look Back with a silent victory, the school moment with Reze and Denji.
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But that's not what we're interested in here, because there's no doubt that Denji is sincere, or at least the rain only shows us that he's sincerely desperate.
There's a subtlety....
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Denji complains that he only thinks with his dick, but there's another, more philosophical and certainly less funny idea behind this: Denji only thinks through his body.
The rain, the amputation, the brothel - they're all proof that Denji only thinks with his senses.
Denji thought the brothel was the solution to his distress, it's when it started raining that he collapsed, as if the change in weather had evoked his own emotional change. Yoru's solution is amputation, another physical sensation and solution.
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Amputation is a solution all the more symbolic because it's antithetical to what Denji is: a demon man capable of regeneration.
To amputate is in itself not to regenerate, and not to regenerate is in itself to be more human.
What distinguishes us from animals (although science relativizes this) is the way we think about our own emotions, something Denji is incapable of doing, or at least has great difficulty in doing.
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This doesn't mean he can't verbalize it at all, but when he evokes, he evokes a sensation, a dish (a shitty hamburger, a steak, a ton of sex).
Even when he wants to be loved, Denji formulates it in the form of wanting his heart, almost organically.
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No one wants Denji's heart because it's gone
And it makes sense, because Pochita has reassembled his entire body, except for Denji's heart, which has literally been left in that garbage can.
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That's why, when Pochita lets Denji access his feelings, the place is symbolized by a garbage can.
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When Denji asks Pochita to wake up to find Nayuta, Pochita asks him where his legs are, because Denji's only function is to be a body.
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And now everything makes sense again
When Denji spoke his dream to Pochita, being Chainsaw Man, I think there was a certain feeling in every reader: what exactly does it change?
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What if it changes nothing? It's normal for Denji not to be able to project himself in the long term, as he should symbolically listen to his heart.
Denji's inability to have a dream, a goal for the future, is symbolized by him and Pochita as children.
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It doesn't mean that Pochita is an antagonist (although that could be cool), but that Denji and Pochita are prisoners of their own situations.
Denji doesn't have access to his heart, but Pochita is contractually bound to what Denji wants.
This is also why, when Denji reproaches himself, it's his child self who's addressing him, because the only way to reproach himself, to feel guilty, is symbolized by his old self, the Denji that Pochita may have known. Just as Denji doesn't have access to his heart, Pochita has difficulty gaining access to the person Denji has become, all of which only leads to stagnation.
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Denji as a child is also the symbol of a scumbag, the remnant of a lost heart, always dressed in poor, dirty clothes, a past that Denji seeks to escape, but a past that is the only time Pochita has been able to get to know Denji.
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I know it's a pretty crazy line, but it's precisely because Denji is Chainsaw Man - a being both fused and disconnected - that he thinks with his dick lol
Saving Chainsaw Man by killing Chainsaw Man has never been a truer statement
Chainsaw Man is Denji's prison but also his only hope
A cage
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dark-night-hero · 7 months ago
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Imagine Kamisato Ayato who was in a good term with his former/ex significant other. Sure you were mad at him at first because why, why couldn't you be enough for him? Why can't he choose you over his family? You used to be so mad at him. Used to.
Imagine accepting the fact that the two of you were not meant to be together. Sure you were each others half, a perfect piece of puzzle that just suit each other but you were not what he needed and probably never. But he does needed you, it was just he was selfless. He needed you but they needed him too, his family needed him too. You were just aren't the best choice for his family. You used to hate him. Used to.
Imagine having to come up with the fact that he still loves you. Even after all the heartbreak and tears, he still care about you. But not as openly as he does anymore.
"You know. You don't have to do this anymore." You hate him. Looking at him kneeling in front of you trying to inspect your perfect fine ankle after accidentally tripping when you saw him in front of you. "I know." He replied, not looking up at you. "Then why-" "It doesn't mean that we're done that I stopped caring. I still does." He cut off before standing up. "I think it's all fine." "I told you it was nothing..." You trail off as he gave you a smile, a small sad smile while his eyes looked at you with love. So muh love that disappear in a blink of an eye like it was never there. "I'll get going now. It was nice seeing you again." You hate that even without asking, you forgive him. "Hey commisioner." He stop mid walk but never turn around. "Feel free to drop by the cafe if you need a break." Before he could turn around, you turn your back at him.
Imagine Kamisato Ayato who was in a good term with his ex. The way the two of you slowly went back to what the two of you were before. Friends. Acting like none of the heartbreak, tears, happiness and love happened. Things were much better of this way. Sure it still hurt when you saw him with his fiance that would surely bring back their clan to their former glory but. It was fine. It felt weird that it was fine. Not too long after he got married, you does too.
Imagine often coming to the estate with your kids. Life is okay. You are happy on how things played out, you are contented with the life you have. But sometimes, you would often catch gaze of Ayato looking fondly of your children. "Strange." You spoke out of the blue that caught his attention. "Now none of your children looks like you." You chuckle. "It would nice." Is that an insul- "A child that looks like you would be nice." "My spouse said that alot, maybe we should have one last try." "You should." Fool. You thought as you look away, stop looking like that while saying that. "But hey! Maybe you and-" "No. Once is enough." "... You have a twin though.."
Imagine once in a while, a small get together would happened between just the two of you in the first place the two of you met. In that old cafe you and your spouse now manage. "Are you happy?" It was a question that came out of the blue with a very serious tone that makes you look into him as you gently set your drink down. Following his gaze, you saw a familiar teenage blue hair guy and one of your children a few years younger than his son. A chuckle left your lips. That made him turn to look at you. "We're not getting any younger aren't we." You smile and continue to look at the teens from afar, fingers playing with your wedding ring. "I've been living the happiest moment of my life ever since, Ayato." "I see." Once again, there was a small sad yet genuine smile on his lips. "Are you, happy?" You asked back. You then watch him look outside, "I'm fine."
Imagine as you bid him goodbye, staring at his back. Its strange how the man who seemed to have everything looked so lonely as he walk away from you. But then once again, you just turn your back at him like he did. Walking inside your home were your family is waiting for you.
There was a saying that if who people remained friends after ending their relationship. There is a possibility that they never loved each other and the other being one of them still hold a lingerie feeling for the other. But who knows. Maybe in another life. He wouldn't have to chose anything else before you.
[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2024° ;)
:start na ng ojt ko the day after tom. I am so fucking nervous being a front desk trainee, wish me luck on the VIP desk.
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