#STOP THOSE ARE SO CUTE AAAAAA

[an-apple-for-may]

OMG AWWWW

(these are from the hollowing au made by @always-just-down-the-street , @snickerpuffs, @traumaboyexo, @charminharmin and many others on the beloved in stars and explosions server)

hey guys this is a reminder that studying can be fun if you put enough effort into it *proceeds to isat-ify my geometry notes*

(sorry for my bad handrwriting)

[mochinomnoms]

I can't stop having Jade thoughts so I'm gonna throw them at you.

I know people have talked about PTM yuu playing into Jade's dirty thoughts to get a rise out of him, but I really just... I can stop thinking of Yuu just giving Jade sudden and subtle compliments. Like they hear his thoughts and there's an insecurity he doesn't talk about and Yuu makes a comment to try to make him feel better. Or Yuu doesn't even have to be subtle in compliments. Maybe Jade did something different with his outfit or maybe is trying a new perfume to hopefully get Yuu's attention and Yuu didn't notice it but they overheard Jade's thoughts so they comment on it and Jade gets so happy.

Or Jade has thoughts of how he's trying to act cool or handsome but Yuu calls him cute or pretty instead. Like he wasn't expecting to hear that and now he's a blushy and having to hide away to get his act back together.

Also a kinds related but also not really thought. If Yuu ever comments how they can tell Jade's fake smiles vs his real ones how would Jade react? Luke his fake smile doesn't show teeth but his real one does or something. And if Yuu said they likes his real smile more or comments that his real smile is cute then what? Would he die?

Aaaaaa you can always send me Jade thoughts I love my darling Jade!!!

Would you all be surprised to hear that it's actually the sweeter things that make him fall further in love with Yuu and not just the more risque scenarios (tho he does love those too).

Jade as a character is always performing a certain way, not necessarily to please others but to get what he wants out of them. We can see it in other's perceptions in the game, his classmates know that Jade is just as unhinged as his brother and manipulative as Azul, but others don't. Trey thinks Jade is like him, trying to just placate situations and being a pushover to his housewarden and brother, when Riddle points out that it's very much not the case. Vil gets unsettled when Jade is able to perfectly perform every single task he's given, no matter how impossible. Even when his perfect image as a soft-spoken, polite man is shattered once others find out just how mean and condescending he is, there is still a general notion that he's capable, intimidating, and almost a miracle maker. In fact, he revels in how unsettled he makes others, finding it funny.

But he doesn't want Yuu to see him like that, he doesn't want them to be put off by him. But the reality is that they've already have been looking at that way, and it's been a whole year for them to develop their own notions of Jade as a person.

It's a deep insecurity he has regarding them, a fear that Yuu will never see past that image. Maybe it's why he has such vivid daydreams, ones skipping right over that roadblock and immediately turning into one where he's already won their heart, rather than fighting for it. He's a bit of a coward, he hates to admit it, the fear of not being capable for once stumping his development.

Of course, Yuu knows this, and as much as they don't want to admit it, they've grown fond of Jade the longer they hear his thoughts. He is so firm in performing a certain way, it's nice to hear how open he really wants to be with them. (It's also the fact that it's only with them he wants to be open with that makes them a bit pleased, even if they don't want to admit it.)

But it's a bit hard to do outwardly experience that when Jade is so firm on being be person he thinks they want, and the Seven know hat they won't make the first move, so they try what they can to pull him out.

"It's so rare to see you smile like that, I kinda wish you'd do it more."

"I like your hair when it's pushed back, makes you give off a different vibe...huh? What kind? Aaah, nothing important..."

"Come on, I see the gears turning in your head, you have a joke? Tell it, I don't mind!"

"I remember this! Epel's grandma really went all out with your clothes. Haha, you look kinda cute with that hat..."

It helps, Jade becomes less concerned about being a certain way around Yuu, but does become more preoccupied with trying to get them to say more things about him.

He's hoping, with how sweet their words are, that a slip of the tongue might bring out a confession. Yuu is hoping for the same. I suppose it's a matter of who will utter those three little words first.

[gastersreturn]

Hi! I just wanted to thank you for giving us this story and tell you my thoughts!

I mean: this is the absolute peak

There are so many great stories about the Surface, the aftermath of No Mercy, and Gaster's return, and they're all great in their own way, but your story feels like a slight reimagining of those tropes! I also love how you keep dropping references to other stories, it's funny xDD

And while this story is just setting the tone for what's to come, I already have some thoughts and guesses about it.

First off: everything is SO in character! I can actually read the dialogue in their voices (or lack thereof, in Frisk's case) and it feels great!

Second off: your Muppet Frisk is so CUTE. And a little creepy. Especially when they smile too widely sometimes. Sometimes too cute. I think it suits them perfectly. And Frisk has a bit of a Player quality to them, right? But they still retain their childishness, which I think is the perfect combination for them in this story. They're just really sweet and not suspicious or manipulative at all. I can't wait to see what you do with them next!

Third: Flowey, Sans, and Papyrus are all really well-crafted 👍 I don't have much to say about them yet. Flowey just looks canon, but more relaxed on the Surface. Papyrus knows more than he lets on, but is still the same skeleton we know and love. Sans is funny (I love that meemee), but also observant, analytical, and able to defend his opinions. He also seems to be more at home on the Surface. Good for him.

Fourth: Undyne and Alphys are great, even though they don't really have that much screen time. Well, I guess they don't have any SKELETONS of their own in the closet. Besides liquid monsters. And maybe some connection between Alphys and Sans? We'll see.

Fifth: Gaster. Aster? Gaster. His analytical mind is interesting, but he definitely feels more callous compared to the other Monsters. He almost feels like a Human, he's that suspicious. Not that I can blame him, considering. But. It's just funny to think that he's actually more Human-like in his paranoia, and he definitely wouldn't like that comparison. And then there's the fact that Humans understand his thinking. He's a lot more Human-like than he'd like to admit, isn't he?

Sixth… Something's going on behind the scenes, right? I don't have much to say about Chara yet, but I'm glad they're going to be morally gray in this story. And Frisk also very often refers to their dialogues from No Mercy.

And one more thing. I'm not entirely sure, but either Gaster saw something from the Void… Or he felt us watching him. Too bad for him, we like this story too much to stop watching and reading his thoughts.

Anyway, I like what you did, and I'll be patiently waiting for the next pages! Thank you for preparing this wonderful story for us!

Oh geez! Never saw an ask this long before! And so nice too aaaaaa thank you thank you thank you!!!

I'm going to give you super long answer too, just for you x)

I do retake a lot of common tropes from other popular Undertale stories yeah! This AU is my personal love letter to Undertale and its fandom after 8-9 years in it, I needed to mention my favorite AUs, fanfics and tropes xD My goal is to play with the most popular ones as much as I can, to rewrite them, and trying to anticipate your reactions, to then surprise you with something new (or not, depends x)) After all, HE warn you about that himself, didn't he ?

(I know a lot of you forgot about those xD)

The characterisation is super important to me too, as I already said a lot of times before Dialogues are super important as well, so I'm glad you find them good and in character (big big compliment considering that I'm not a native english speaker 😭) For Frisk, I think it's rather obvious by now that the concept of the Player is not really present in this story, even though you, as a Reader, can be acknowledge. I wanted to kinda fuse Frisk's actual personnality in the game with the Player's, and I'm happy you think it works great! (Even though some people who knows the game really well can have questions about what it means about Chara since "our love become theirs and their love becomes ours", but dw I didn't forget about that)

I love that absolutely not suspicious or manipulative kid, I'm glad so many are liking them too (And it's good since they are HELLA important to the story x))

For the others, I absolutely love writing them too, little preference for Papyrus and Flowey. Toby's writing is just pur gold gosh I love analysing it. Obviously you haven't seen the end of them, they all have so much going on in their little heads too, just wait until you see more of it 👀 For Aster, he is very different from the rest of the monsters we see in the game yeah. More rational, more cold, more scared. He definitely is more human-like that he'd like to admit, even though to be honest, I don't think he would take it as bad as you think Still would not be pleased, but...not surprised either There is still a LOT of things to search about this guy, and you will discover it when the time is right Thank you so much for your super big ask, I really really appreciate it!! (Literally showed it to all my friends 😭😭😭) I think I answered to most of the points you mentionned, sorry if I forgot something x)

[eriimyon]

my whole reaction paper to zaros ep7 😭

i have nothing to say about the first part (the carriage) but i know they were talking about some god, and the next part really surprised me

the way earis fights hello?? to defend the kid named adaron i believe (i also admire that kid hehe hes so cute) but when he was telling his life to earis, how he was always viewed as the strongest in the family, his bowl always being the biggest which makes him feel bad for his mother and father, and his sick brother?😭but the part how he got lost was so funny, i think bro just really needed to go to the bathroom but fucked up🥀 but anyway, i hope we see him in future episodes if possible, but zaros did say to drop him somewhere safe or maybe find his parents

the emotion i felt in the scene where earis was fighting, zaros’ shouts and adaron’s, and he sounded so concerned like genuinely, i felt so conflicted like saku hello this was actually so unexpected i didn’t think this would happen, i lowkey thought ep7 would be a journey to somewhere without anything going wrong

the part where earis was lit in pain and bleeding but still had to hide behind a ‘mask’ was executed so perfectly, zaros’ emotion in his voice, and the part where he had to run back to the carriage to get supplies like HELLO?? doctor zaros frfr can u pls treat me

anyway, earis wanting to hold his hand while he was treating them was so😭

‘stop moving! i know! it hurts’ ‘if it makes you stop moving, then fine.’ okay zaros i see you there!!!

‘you still become so authorative even in this state.’ ‘as you command, my earis.’ THE WAY HE SAYS IT HELLOOOOOHMYGODDD

moving to the next part, when earis wakes up or skipping to the next scene, where he explains his side and where they were honest with eachother it was so wholesome pllsllsls aaaaaaaa

‘i never wanted to rule. you know, i was annoyed to my mother when she contested, she didn’t even.. talked to me about it! i wanted to sail the sea with my father (the father in the theories yes) and catch fish (i lowkey forgot the next part ok)’ the way he confessed all that to earis aaaaaa my zaros x earis heart😭🤍

this whole episode was just depressing and wholesome at the same time, im already hungry for more fluff (but not right now because in earis’ state) and their first kiss hell yeah i want it now (HELP) this episode was so great saku is cooking!!!

btw im not really great in theories because i don’t really have the time to think about those things but analyzing something visually maybe i can

byebye my pookies <33

⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊ 🤍🥥 - elise

[solalunar-eclipse]

¡Espero que está bien que he trasladado esta historia! // I hope it’s alright that I’ve translated this story!

Sonic, panel 4: Too cute!

Sonic, panels 5 & 6: Shads! Sorry I made you wait so long.

Shadow, panel 7: Don’t exaggerate. I didn’t wait that much…

Shadow, panel 8: Just…let’s go home.

(The story’s probably pretty easy to understand even if you don’t speak Spanish, but I thought that it’d be nice to give more people a chance to read it!) // (¡La historia probablemente es muy fácil de entender aunque no hablas español, pero pensé que puede ser amable dar a más personas la oportunidad a leerlo!)

Short story Sonadow ❄️

Aprovechando el mes de diciembre, quería hacerlos un poco más juntos y mostrar la interacción imaginaria que tengo de ellos 💗

Espero y les guste este ¡short story!

Espero luego subir más de estás pequeñas historias ⭐

De paso también para explicar un poco mi ausencia. En estas dos últimas semanas, me han tenido muy ocupado que no he podido darme un espacio para dibujar.

¡Pero espero aprovechar esto para empezar de nuevo a subir!

Ah ser vdd creo que Shadow es alguien que puede llegar a enfermarse en diciembre fácilmente jsjsj me lo imagino, y se me derrite el corazón 🫠❤️

[dandysworld-meh-imagines]

i hope you know we're all greatly enjoying what you're writing

as for the request, can you do yatta x reader who's worried about how much candy she eats

Yatta With A Reader Who Worries About How Much Sweets She Eats!

Yatta reminds me of myself a lot sksks always chasing sweets and chocolates and everything, haha. Thank you so much for your kind words, dear anon!! I'm really trying here.. sometimes I feel like I might not do everything well, haha, but thank you for your words!! Here you go, thank you for requesting! <3

Also this is funny that I'm doing this request after her introduction card came out VERY recently sksksk

(She's so cute AAAAAA!!!)

-Anna

-It's not a secret that Yatta absolutely ADORES sweets, candy, chocolates, you name it! She is often seen snacking on them, it feels like it's the only food she eats, honestly! Her sharp teeth always are seen tearing the wrapping around the candy or a delicious chocolate bar like there's no tomorrow before she eats it happily, like she finally found some precious water in a harsh, hot weather. You couldn't lie, it was cute seeing her munching on those but it did concern you a lot about her health, especially when she ate so many of them!

-It didn't help that she often drops candy behind a lot, too, out of her, it's no wonder she has access to so many of them! But what can she do, really? She's a piñata and she can't exactly hold onto them in her arms forever! You try to also pick up after her, whether with your arms or holding a basket so you won't struggle carrying them all but just try to hide that basket away from her, if you can, she WILL come back for them, one way or another. Time to test out how you can really hide that stuff, especially an entire basket of it!

-You might have to ask for help from the others, asking them about a good hiding spot or even asking to put the basket in their rooms or you just give the candy away! Just don't let Yatta see what you do with it and keep an eye out for more candy. Yatta isn't exactly upset that you take them away, especially the candy that she can't keep holding on to but she really wishes you give them to her later on! She does stop and consider your words about her not eating so much candy because you are worried about her and that. It's that she can't really resist when she sees how colorful and tasty they are so you try to help out with it whenever you can.

-It's when you try to figure out ways to stop her from consuming so much candy. You felt like hiding them could even make the urge worse, as when another candy pops out of her with a small explosion, you best believe she is jumping on it and eating it like there is no tomorrow, since she hasn't had one for a while. It's also when you can't really stop her but you can try picking up other candies and keep telling Yatta a firm "no" when she tries grabbing one from the basket, it takes her a bit but she does stop eventually, even if she says a small "aww.." and sighs. You do know it's for her own good, though, you're worried for her!

-Sometimes she hides her own stash of candy in one of the vents she uses to travel to everywhere in Gardenview, she's not really the most secretive about it though as she likes to laugh when she munches on them and it's not really quiet. You have to convince her to give you the candy and it takes a good while before she gives up. Yatta knows deep down it's not healthy so she doesn't stand up to you about it honestly, she knows you care for her health, after all. She even begs you for at least to leave one behind and you sometimes give in to that, making her hug you tightly as she is nuzzling you for a good while, a big smile on her face.

-Once, you came up with the idea to make healthier alternatives that still treat her cravings for sweets. You really needed Sprout and Cosmo's help for that so you went to them. They had to look for a healthy recipe in the cooking books or something that truly was much more healthier yet could satisfy Yatta's need to overconsume candy. Thankfully, you did try out new recipes, you had to sit Yatta down to try them. She ate the ones that LOOKED like sweets or candy and she even happened to like the taste! She ignored the ones that didn't look like it and you could see Sprout's shoulders drop at it with a thin line on his mouth but at least he was glad she ate the other ones.

-Those two even taught you the recipe for it and even let you borrow a part of the kitchen for it. Sprout is glad you found something because he was also worried since she consumes so much candy, so he does pop every once in a while to help you out, especially since you love Yatta so much. He really respects your effort to go this far to help her. If he and Cosmo have some extra time, they help you out by making it and leaving it for you to grab later on. That way, Yatta gets what she needs earlier to satisfy her harsh cravings for some sweet sugar. You like to make a lot of these and feed her small portions, that way, you have more and she still gets the same satisfaction when she eats a small piece of candy.

-But for the times where you DON'T have it, it's kinda hard to convince her not to chomp down candies like no tomorrow. You try to come up with different ways like telling her to perform tricks, asking for hugs and cuddles or anything else you can so time passes or she doesn't have much energy anymore, making her collapse on top of you as she sighs from being so tired. Yes, Yatta was energetic like no tomorrow but it doesn't mean she doesn't get tired, too! The thing is that she gets her energy back a bit TOO fast though! Honestly, just being close to you is enough to get her in a playful, energetic mood, always ready to do more! Your warmth when you hold her close or stroke her head gets her hyped up again!

-It's kinda silly but one thing you like to do is offer her kisses so she doesn't think about candy right now. Honestly? It kinda works? It does seem to satisfy some cravings of her and Yatta just likes the way your lips feel against her own. Do it often and watch as she randomly approaches you and leans in to give you a big kiss. You also like using it as a reward for when she holds long enough without eating candy, even if it's around her. She doesn't want to make you sad or anything so she does try.. and most times, she is able to push through! At least these results are better compared to the beginning where you tried this trick to her, she can go longer now and feels happy to kiss you.

-Honestly, it does take a long time to see actual changes in her behavior with the whole candy thing but you definitely notice the small changes bit by bit as time goes on and on and your plans seem to work slowly on her. Her love for candy and sweets was still there and still very strong but at least it seemed to be getting better as she ate more healthy stuff, especially when you encouraged her and helped her get used to those. Yatta even ate more types of food rather than just candy and sweets and that, actual food that's good for her! You definitely feel more calm and are happy she managed to adapt and you love to praise her for it, making her feel happy and hugging you, lifting you up with ease as she spun you around with excitement.

Thank you for reading! <3

[faeyun]

ENHYPEN DESIRE : UNLEASH REACTION AND INITIAL THOUGHTS:

i just want to say how excited i am for this album like i’m literally in the premiere and hour early just staring at the thumbnail for the mv😭 lemme tell you the ideas are FLOWINGGG!!! but hehe here are my initial thoughts of all the songs + my mv reaction!!! ＼(≧▽≦)

flashover —

immediately i love the beat of this song hehe even if it is giving a little bit 2016 youtube outro music.. their voices in this sounds so pretty!! i’m listening to this after watching the bad desire mv so i’m not sure if this makes a good intro song or not?? it seems a bit outdated.. but i’d give it a cute 8/10

bad desire (with or without you) + mv reaction —

I LOVEEEE THE TITLE TRACK SO MUCHHH!! like that “enhypen” AAAAAA!!!! they all sound amazing in here omg. the whispering at the beginning and the eyes staring into my soul scared me a little lmao but the whole mv was so fucking cool i’m actually obsessed with it!! sunghoon and ni-ki are owning this song in my personal opinion like they sound SOOO good!! “tell me all your deepest — all your bad desires???!?!!???,!,!,!?” feral. the whole like dragons(?) and the hellscape concept for this video really fits it i think!!

also like what is going on with there being doubles of themselves? they showed this with sunghoon in the concept trailer but i wanna know the lore SOOO bad it’s literally making me so excited to read people’s theories and everything!! i do wish that the song was longer than 2 minutes tho.. that’s my only gripe with it :(( it’s SOO short… but hehe 10/10 enhypen’s title tracks never miss!!!

outside —

“pretty boy, no i’m not!!” WOAHHHH OMG??? immediately obsessed. OBSESSED. AYEEEE WATCH ME WATCH MEEEE!! the effects and the beat like i’m about to cum i’m not even joking this sounds so amazing. WE BE OUTSIDDEEEEEEEEEE!! i know you guys here them!!! so far this is my favorite omg 10000/10

THE BEAT AND THE MIXING IS SOOOO FUCKING FIREE‼️‼️

loose (korean ver.) —

it’s like messing with my brain because i’m so use to hearing it in english😭 i love their songs in this song i’m both versions it scratches my brain so nicely!! she’s still cute and a good dancing song!! 8/10

helium —

i’m so excited for this one like i already claimed this song when we got the little teasers but AAAA hearing in full is giving me chills!! YOUR LOVE IS HELIUM‼️‼️ this song sounds like gearing up for battle like those montage scenes you see in movies and that’s so fucking cool to me. also??? the fact that jay played all of the guitar in this song and helped produce it?? stop i’m swelling with pride. AND NOW IM ALIVEEEEE!!!! JAY’S VOICE IM SO OBSESSED EEEEEE!!!!! i wish it was longer but i’m so fucking obsessed with it and the GUITARRRRRR!! THE HIGH NOTESSSSS OMFGGGG!!! guys. immediate 1000/10. MY song.

too close —

the piano omg(?? sorry i’m not a music expert lmao) it goes so well with their voices!! JAYYYYYY!!! rips shirt open and transforms into a werewolf. THEIR FUCKING VOICESSSSSS AAAAAAA!!!! THE BEAT COMING IN???? IM SO INTO YOUUUUU!!?!??! another banger as expected hehe. I CANT HELLPPPPP ITTT!! omg jay really shines in this song i’m actually obsessed with it eeee 10/10

bad desire (with or without you) (english ver.) —

WITH OR WITHOUT YOUUUUU!! SACRIFICE REFERENCEEEEE!!! WE ARE SO UPPPPP!!! i love these lyrics omg like?? innocent girl?? angel?? babygirl?????? what if i actually lost my fucking mind??????? please. i’m already insane. I BELONG IN THE BEAUTIFUL FIREEE, ITS ALL MY BAD DESIREEE!!! i think this is up there with one of the best english versions of a song in my humble but also perfect opinion 🤓☝️ i’m so obsessed with this title tract, both versions!! hehe 100/10

leaving out the regular version of loose because i already gave my thoughts for it when it came out LMAOO but i still like it it’s a fun little bop!! ♡

FINAL ALBUM THOUGHTS —

i wish that the songs were longer <//3 this two minute song epidemic is actually killing me and i need it to be over already. pink pantheress you will pay for what you've done to the music industry /j SLASH JJJJ (i love her please). i haven't looked at the lyric translations yet, and i don't even think they're out at the moment Imao, but i'm so excited to get my hands on them!!

one thing i'm still a bit confused about tho is like the overall concept of the album?? like all the concept pics and trailers were all so different and painted a more darker vibe and the album doesn't give that at all?? like i'm genuinely confused with the whole bdsm aspect😭 the only concept pics that makes sense for me for the album is the water ones, and that's only for bad desire…

idk... this may be a hot take, but i wish the album was a bit more cohesive with its overall concept, because it does NOTTT fit with the concept we were given, but i still love it a lot!! don't jump me guys omg 😭😭 some of the songs, like flashover and too close also didn't really fit like the overarching genre of the album either?? especially flashover it felt like that was kinda added just to add it same with loose (tho i know like it kinda had to be added since it was a single)... but i still liked the concept pics and trailers and everything that we were given so i’m not complaining!!

still, i'd give the whole album an 9/10!! it still hasn't dethroned any of my personal favorites, but i really love the songs and i'm so excited to listen to new music from enhypen!!! it’s truly still an amazing album and i will be listening to it on repeat!! ☝️ out of the whole album, i think outside, helium, and bad desire are my favorites hehe!! (>人<)

eeee what do you guys think about the album??? let's talk!! what are your favorite songs from it?? ♡

[odessastone]

NEW LIFEWEAVER AND SYMMETRA LORE BITS FROM "REBUILDING RUINS"

So I got my copy of Heroes Ascendant today and THERE WERE SO MANY GOOD LITTLE MOMENTS IN THIS STORY I MUST gush I MUST

So here are some new bits of Symmetra and Lifeweaver lore that we got! I bolded my personal favorite ones. 😚

(spoilers!)

Satya and Niran "grew up together" as friends, so they were friends in childhood too, not just at a teen or university age.

Apparently when Satya would get overstimulated and need recovery time, Niran would keep people away from their room and tell them she was sick so she didn't have to face anyone 😭

He also used to hang out and watch her practice her dancing for hours on end, without ever getting tired of it.

Satya considered (possibly still considers) Niran her closest friend.

Niran is late to everything (CALLED this one). He's even late for their meeting LOL

"He looked good. Satya almost wished he didn't." Bits like this are going to feed my Symweaver ass for YEARS

Satya is (still) extremely hurt by Niran leaving all those years ago, and perceives it as him having left her, not just Vishkar. She still misses him dearly, even though they've been apart for eleven years.

Speaking of which, being apart for eleven years means Niran was twenty when he left the Academy. For all you fellow fic authors out there 😊

Satya's autism is stated, full-out, no dancing around it or talking about being on "the spectrum". They flat out say "her autism" in a sentence. Cool!

One of Niran's first questions upon reconnecting with Satya is if Vishkar is mistreating her, if she needs help. Of course she denies this, but...

Niran can read Satya's emotions without her saying them, and even while thinking she's hiding them 😭 Several times throughout the story she's surprised because he cuts right through her stoic bullshit and gets right to how she feels about something.

The Architech Academy was really overwhelming for Satya, and it sounds like they made no effort to accommodate her needs. Unsurprising, considering they didn't accommodate Niran's, either.

Vishkar fiercely discouraged her from stimming, instilling in her a fear of looking "immature, or distracted, or rude, or strange".

She gave a speech at graduation, then had to spend a full week in bed afterward to recover from all the stress. And there was no Niran to guard her by then ☹

Even now, she finds many things about Vishkar overstimulating and uncomfortable, such as her uniform's fabric, and her living quarters.

Satya called Niran "Bua" way back when, possibly the first person to use the nickname for him. Partway through the story the narration (from Satya's POV) actually switches to calling him that, which is cute.

The Arcology seems to have uh, basically no real protection against attacks... Null Sector just shows up on a train and starts blasting lol. This is something I address in my fic The Light You Deserve, so it was kinda funny to see that I was right in predicting that.

She feels comfortable enough around Niran by the end to stim around him without realizing it (apparently she taps her fingers together and twirls her hands in circles, I guess kind of like flapping). She immediately stops and is embarrassed when he points it out, but Niran encourages her instead. She then uncertainly stims in front of him, growing more relaxed and confident as she lets herself do so (this had to be my favorite part of the story).

Toward the end they double down on Satya's belief that she can change Vishkar from the inside (girl....) but then at the VERY end, Niran suggests she look more into the founder of Vishkar and his ideals, and then says that "The Arcology will be delighted to have you". SHE MIGHT DEFECT TO THE ARCOLOGY IN CANON AND BE WITH NIRAN HHHHH AAAA sorry this was supposed to be an unbiased list I'm cool I'm cool

AAAAAA I'M NOT COOL I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

THIS WAS EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE WANTED IN A STORY BETWEEN THEM okay minus the random Null Sector attack tbh that was weird

Anyway the very last line says that Satya now has "whenever she needed it, a friend to return to". So they're definitely gonna interact more going forward!!

[ok-illsignup]

THIS IS SO GOOD! Oh my goodness, your writing is pure poetry, pure gold!! I love how you used the concept of soulmates and made it unique - your characterizations are great <3

the sweetest

summary: when someone told you that being in love doesn’t necessarily mean loving, you couldn’t believe the absurdity of that statement. as life went on, the truth of those words would continue to weight heavily over your head.

cw: fem!reader, both mydei and reader are equally disturbed individuals, toxic relationships, codependency, angst, hurt with the littlest of comfort, soulties/soulmates au || wc: 10k

the food on your plate seemed especially unappealing today. on the other hand, was it ever? perhaps when you first stepped into Okhema, completely enamored by the culture. yes, you could remember it clearly - the way it would melt on your tongue, flavors mixing with fresh air you’d breathe in everyday on the high balcony. meat and fruits, expensive wine you spent way too much money on. you’d chuckle to yourself as you dipped the slices of cheese in honey, thinking about how lucky you were to reside in the holy city. the state of unawareness you possessed only made everything more blissful.

right now the dinner was nothing but dry - with the first bite, you genuinely thought you would choke. it tasted the same way his name felt on your lips. Mydeimos. the man that decided to test your patience, will and mental strength everyday. you didn’t like the thought, but did he bring anything other than misery into your life? at first you didn’t want to perceive the relationship you both shared as something inherently bad — as time went on, it turned out near impossible. venom seemed to be laced through his words, and you knew that it seeped from your mouth too. sometimes you liked to imagine him as the wrong one - however, with the way things stood, you were equal in your spite. you could stop the chain of events and run somewhere else, to another city. looking back, it was the best option you had, and yet still declined to take. rope bound your hands to his, and you would tug on it relentlessly. in the back of your mind, the image of Mydei finally stumbling over, and letting go replayed constantly. but if it ever came to that, would you be satisfied? happy?

the answer was simple, but dreadful all the same - no.

as you took another bite of your meal, the image of your late mother flashed. perhaps she was the root of all your suffering? the damned prophecy she revealed to you when you were younger, of a boy with golden hair dipped in blood, who one day would bask in glory.

"you see, my dear [name], all of humanity has their other half, hidden somewhere. not everyone is destined to meet them, but you will. i’m sure of that."

(the way she smiled at you with so much glee in her eyes was disgusting).

"but mom, how do you know?"

(you wish you never asked this question).

"i have my ways," she chuckled, swiping the mischievous hair behind your ear, "see that mark on your wrist? look for someone with the same one. it means you both are meant to be."

you glanced at the singular line that stretched from the knuckles up to your wrist, and thought it looked more like a scar than anything else. you have seen other people with similar marks - but they were always more intricate. veins of ivy embedding an arm, or stars splattered in a specific pattern. yours wasn’t like that.

"ugh… that will be so hard to spot on someone! do you at least know how that person looks?"

the woman seemed to take a second of contemplation. "well, it was revealed to me in a vague way. but i can tell you, if you want to."

"yes, please!" you giggled as you jumped up all thrilled, tugging at the long sleeve of her dress. to your younger self, there was nothing more exciting than finally meeting the person you were 'tied' to. your soulmate.

"alright then,” your mother nodded, giving your head an affectionate ruffle, "his hair is blonde. it’s a very beautiful color, mixed with red. those eyes… striking to the bone. a born leader, i’m sure."

at that, you hummed in deep acknowledgment as you tried to imagine the boy. for some reason, nothing concrete came to you. still, it wasn’t like you were unsatisfied - maybe you had a different picture in mind, but that person was destined to you nevertheless! as you kept on brooding, one of your friends suddenly called out to you. immediately distracted, you followed after the beckoning girl to play in the fields.

how you wished it ended at that. your past self forgot, and kept on frolicking in the lush meadows with your old friends forever. your mother never passed, and you pursued your physician studies at home. the soulmate you dreamt of meeting got left behind as nothing but a mere, blurry visualization. but here you were, sitting in one of the apartments of Okhema, locked up in your room. Mydei was probably attending to some important stuff, or bickering with Phainon, like he always did. maybe they were sparring? from the sound of clashing swords outside, it was likely.

you sighed, digging the knife into the piece of meat with more force than necessary. the momentary guilt you felt from blaming your mother for the situation you created with your own hands shook you a bit. how could you? she never meant any harm. nor did you, but things turned out as they did, and who else was there to blame?

perhaps the winds that took you to the holy city.

it was unbearably hot that day. sweat covered your temples as you tried cooling down your face with a makeshift fan (which worked poorly). still, you couldn’t help but feel a wave of excitement wash over you as you took the views in. streets bustling with life, merchants yelling over each other, people laughing somewhere, and children running to their heart’s contents. the general atmosphere successfully pushed the discomfort to the back of your mind. it was only your sixth day in Okhema, yet you were already feeling as if it was the place you belonged to.

your peaceful stroll quickly came to a halt when you saw an awfully familiar silhouette standing not so far away. you didn’t know the man - it was not possible, as it was your first time seeing him. however, something about him seemed… unsettlingly different. you could recognize the blonde-red hair, so rare and distinct. you felt your heart jump - both from fear and elation, a mixture that caused you to freeze. you blinked twice, then rubbed your eyes, but the man was still there, talking to someone.

you clenched your fists as you remembered the words of your clairvoyant mother. meeting your soulmate wasn’t the objective of life you led so far, but the thought of having someone important was still dear to your heart. with new-found resolve, you took a few steps forward, wondering how you could strike up the conversation. first impression was always the most important, after all. the image of coming up to a stranger, and waving your mark before his eyes was ridiculous. what if it wasn’t him, after all? now that would’ve been awkward.

you approached the blonde, gently patting his arm.

"excuse me, sir, how do i get to the baths?" you could never go wrong with a classic. of course, you knew the way to the baths, but playing oblivious was your best option.

when he turned to face you, you felt your blood pressure rise once more. two golden hues met with yours, and at that moment, you knew your mother was right. striking. it was the only word you could use to describe them. fierce eyes filled with something your mind couldn’t quite comprehend. your gaze flickered over all of his body in search of a soulmate mark, yet you were unable to spot it. stress squeezed your guts. where was it? under his clothes? if so, then you had no real way of confirming if he was the one.

as he opened his mouth to answer you, his vision seemed to suddenly lock onto something else - your right hand. recognition seeped onto his face, and you felt brief relief before the man’s expression twisted. something was wrong. why wasn’t he happy? you were, at least that’s what you thought a few seconds ago. joy quickly morphed into an ugly feeling of distress, sitting firmly at the bottom of your stomach.

"is… is there something wrong?" you asked, furrowing your brows as the relentless sun beamed straight onto your nape. it seemed as if the heat only made the situation worse.

"i know you asked for directions, but i’d like to have a talk with you. in private." he glanced at the other man who was still standing there, "then, i can lead you to the bathhouse."

the slightly harsh tone of his voice made you wince, but you nodded, knowing that refusal wasn’t a choice you could afford to make here. the blonde excused himself, telling you to follow him somewhere secluded. you did, even though something deep within your mind was screaming at you to turn on your heel and run. at that time, you didn’t recognize it as anything other than nervousness. at least now you were aware your gut feeling was right. back then, if you decided to dismiss the man, would it all turn out differently? it is common knowledge - you meet your soulmate once, and the universe will make sure for you to never truly part ways. at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. you could have sprinted with all your might, but you’d still cross paths nevertheless. be it in a few months, maybe on your deathbed. there was no telling.

to be honest, it was much more of a complex problem. you could continue to blame all of your choices, thinking of ways you should have avoided it. the domino effect began long time ago, when your mother first got sick, and soon the delightful life you once had crumbled over your own head. all of your struggles lacked in any meaning, and the house of cards you meticulously crafted for all those years got swiped by a strong gust of wind. grief-stricken people seek resolve, and the only way of keeping your mind from the tragedy was to change your environment.

image of the man’s back as you trailed after him like some kind of a ghost was still vivid. something between his shoulder blades, located around his thoracic vertebrae caught your attention. it wasn’t easy to tell, but there it was. slightly obscured by his clothes, a singular line. that really was him. surely, the moment of meeting your soulmate didn’t go as planned, but perhaps he was more… sensitive than you? your fantasies of jumping into each other’s arms got successfully dimmed by his rather odd reaction, yet you couldn’t blame him. after all, it was so sudden, so unexpected. obviously he’ll eventually warm up to you.

after walking into an alleyway, you finally stopped, almost bumping into his back. fortunately, it was much darker and cooler here, and he couldn’t see the sweat beading on your forehead. the blonde turned to face you, his expression unreadable. it wasn’t angry, nor sad, but rather cautious in a certain way.

"show me your hand.” he demanded, stretching out his palm towards you. the man was straightforward, that’s for sure. usually you’d have no problem with it, except this time it actually irked you.

"you won’t even introduce yourself?" you cocked your eyebrow, gazing up at him with a bold look. his piercing gaze made you feel as if he wanted to fix you into place, just like people do with dragonflies. securing them with pins and needles, their lifeless forms never to move again.

you managed to spot the twitch of his eye. “Mydeimos." he huffed, lips stretching into a thin line, as if he was barely stopping himself from adding unnecessary comments.

"[name]." you replied shortly, placing your hand atop his. resisting made no sense, even though you wished to spite the impossibly impatient man.

is it really your soulmate if your first thought is to make his life harder? are you truly meant to be when instead of feeling giddy and excited, you’re starting to become irritated?

a clipped breath of disbelief escaped Mydei’s lungs, his grip on your hand strengthening just for a second before he let go. "why do you look so calm? do you not have any oppositions towards a stranger dragging you off, and then showing him your mark?”

that was a fair question. you definitely were acting as if the course of action was natural, even though it wasn’t.

"my mother, she—" you began, thinking of the simplest way you could explain it to him, "when i was younger, she had a prophetic vision. specifically speaking, of my soulmate. she managed to describe you to me, and the image stuck." a heavy sigh slipped from your mouth as you got met with silence, urging you to continue. "well, of course i wasn’t sure if it was you, but once i saw your back…"

you trailed off, wondering what caused Mydei to be so deeply submerged in his thoughts. all the time he kept quiet, looking between you and your wrist, as if contemplating something.

"a-are you not happy?" you managed to force out, dreading the response he would offer. slowly, the hopes of a better life with someone by your side started to fall apart.

you should have stayed in your hometown. why didn’t you?

(grief-stricken people seek resolve).

why do they seek resolve?

(because they have nothing—)

"no." Mydei’s curt answer cut through the air, making you jump. "i’ve no time for soulmates, or any other type of romance." he scoffed, "hmph, to think that a person would willingly put themselves through such trouble simply because of a mark on their skin."

you watched the man cross his arms over his chest, your eyebrows narrowing together. "then why didn’t you ignore me earlier? if soulmates really hold no significance to you, why’d you confirm we are tied?" you almost barked out, feeling the heat crawl back on your skin. oh no, you wouldn’t let it go simply because your soulmate is apparently also a coward.

"listen, i understand why you’re upset. my mind won’t change, though." the man’s tone got a bit darker, as if owning you at least an explanation was already too demanding. "i just wanted to set things straight with you. it is more than probable we’ll… stumble upon each other some more."

"so you don’t want me to get my hopes up, is that it?" you barely contained your anger, Mydei’s indifference only adding to the fire in your chest.

"exactly. now, do you still want me to show you the way to the baths? or was that just an excuse in order to talk to me?"

your fists clenched by your sides, and the thought of slapping him across the face appeared in your mind. fortunately (or perhaps not), you were above that.

"bastard." you hissed through your teeth, rapidly turning on your heel and walking away. damn him and that stupid stubbornness, and his hair, and eyes, and— and everything! not only did your 'soulmate' humiliate you, he seemed so stoic about the whole situation in contrast to your boiling blood — as if he didn’t care at all! and the bitter truth was, he most likely didn’t. why did your mother insist that you find him? her passing already took an unfathomable toll on you, and now her absurd death-bed wishes continued to only further your misery.

''once i’m gone, you’ll be left on your own'' she’d say, her voice trembling with fatigue, ‘'you’ll need someone to take care of you. to stand by your side, and protect from the world’s harm.'’

couldn’t you protect yourself? did she really think so lowly of you?

'’he will treat you well. i’m sure of it."

(liar).

you closed your eyes, traversing the streets at a fast pace. tears welled up behind your eyelids, and you knew it wasn’t because of how Mydeimos rejected you, but rather at the memory of your frail mom. the unwavering love still filling her gaze as coughs shook her body, careworn words urging you to find a better life. perhaps you weren’t doing it for yourself, but rather for her - for that ghostly vision of her face.

you seldom fought for anything, however now it seemed that a new resolve sparked within you. you won’t stick by your soulmate’s side, but you’ll strive. depending on anybody was no good, and that much was clear to you.

the memory of that fateful day made you cringe as you attempted to convince yourself the vegetables you were currently chewing on weren’t exactly awful in taste. they were, but you still continued to eat. wasting food wasn’t something you usually did, even if it was disgustingly bland.

three years passed since then, but all those events were still clear as a day in your mind. you remember swearing to yourself that you wouldn’t even look at Mydei’s face — turns out, Phainon found out about the correlation between you. it was long before you and Mydei started to jump at each other’s necks, so you were sure the man harbored no harm when he came up with that wicked plan of his. for whatever reason, he thought that playing a matchmaker was his call, and by some means he found out about your qualifications for a physician. the energy that emanated through your body, which took you years to master into a healing form would soon be used for a ‘greater good'.

Chrysos Heirs never exactly lacked in medical care, yet now you were hired as their personal nurse. by that, you also found out Mydei was apparently the crown prince of Kremnos. it wasn’t like you were unaware of his high status in society, but the sheer importance he carried took you by surprise. with that, something else was revealed — he couldn’t die. he was a warrior, and his body lacked in any kind of scarring. when you first heard it, you were almost relieved, as it obviously meant he wasn’t in the need of a physician.

turns out your hopeful thinking was for nothing, as your current position was only meant to get you both closer. you could as well be polishing the baths, and it wouldn’t make any difference.

it began out slow, and you don’t remember which one of you started it. you would regularly see Mydei, and share just a mere glance of acknowledgment. sometimes he’d scoff under his nose, then again you’d make a brief remark about his attitude. those small interactions were nothing but a dragged out prelude to the events that future held for you. a testament of sorts, building the fundaments of your downfall. snarky comments couldn’t sate neither of you, and soon you’d begin to argue on daily basis. soulmates are further cemented by interaction - which you were aware of, yet couldn’t stop digging your own grave. every time you talked to Mydei, you knew the mud around your ankles got denser, and soon you’d be stuck. he would be as well - at least you weren’t the only one at disadvantage here. constant fighting was draining, even for the mighty prince, and that thought never failed to make you chuckle grimly under your breath.

others took notice of the scenes you both would cause. sometimes they would end long before escalation, but more often than not Mydei was faced with flying ceramics, and you with a logorrhea of curses and damnations. the worst part is that it didn’t only affect you, but others too. even though you both had enough decorum to stop yourself from fighting in front of civilians, Aglaea would often point out how anxious Tribbie got, careworn by your constant barking and scowling. Phainon has shown genuine concern too, going as far as to scolding Mydei. needless to say, he was always getting dismissed by a wave of the uninterested man. as how things were unfolding, you had thought many times of leaving the Okhema. however, wouldn’t that equal you admitting defeat? in your soulmate’s eyes, your picture would be reduced to a cowardly nobody. for some reason, it would sting way more than his words.

"everytime you open your mouth, i am physically resisting the urge to push you off a cliff!" you seethed, shutting the cutlery drawer with an unnecessary amount of force. the knives and forks clattered inside loudly, filling the communal kitchen with an unpleasant noise.

"what makes you think you could?" Mydei snapped back, perhaps hoping to intimidate you. in answer, you cocked your head to the side, granting him with an unaffected look.

"just a guess, but you’re not very likable, are you?" you swiftly changed the topic, knowing that pushing him off a cliff was certainly impossible, and you had no arguments to back up your homicidal idea. "even your own people seem to—"

his eyebrows narrowed dangerously, clear indication you were walking on thin ice. "you’re not exactly popular around here, either." he interrupted, "you’re just a nurse, gods know from where—"

"just a nurse?!"

"—and nobody seems to take you seriously-"

"you’re foolish if you think i care about the opinion of other’s, especially yours!"

"well, maybe you should start to, because—"

"you think yourself mighty, huh? not everyone’s gonna be—"

"—i have a very good advice! pack your things, get out of Okhema, and as far—"

"—kissing your feet and worshipping the ground you walk on! unlike most people, i—"

"—as i am concerned, no one would miss you!"

"—actually have eyes and i’m capable of recognizing a cowardly bastard!"

you both kept screaming over each other, interrupting, and snarling as the packet of sugar between your fingers seemed close to ripping in half from the amount of tugging it faced. it was a conflict you could easily resolve, yet you seemed to ignore the fact. why share the sugar when you could fight for it instead?

every single one of your days in the holy city looked like that, filled with the sound of biting teeth and roars of anger. if you avoided the clashes, Mydei wouldn’t perceive you as someone worthy of recognition (and you needed to be, you had to make his life harder for the way he was treating you). if you ran, he’d laugh about it with others, saying how easy to scare off you were.

you could try to justify the reasons why you stayed, but at the end of the day, one answer resonated profoundly in the back of your mind — you wanted to prove it didn’t hurt.

"hey, would you two—"

"what?!" you yelled in unison, your necks snapping towards the innocent Phainon who stood in the doorframe of the kitchen, a bit shocked. you didn’t even notice when the sugar package torn in half, its contents pouring all over the floor.

"…keep it down." he finished with utter disappointment, his weary eyes taking in the mess you both made. "look, now because of your petty arguments the sugar is wasted."

Mydei measured you with his fierce gaze, and you did the same. the air got heavy with tension once more as you stared at each other with murderous intent, mulling over whichever insults would be the best this time. Phainon gripped the bridge of his nose with silent resignation, knowing the unavoidable screaming match was going to erupt once more.

"you clean it up!" you bursted out, pointing towards the sugar-covered tiles.

"no, you clean it up, you imbeci—!"

"why would i? i wanted the sugar first, and you started to—"

"what?! no, i put my hands on it first!"

"gods, you’re insufferable! that’s not how it—"

Phainon shook his head, closing the kitchen door with a loud thud. you paid no mind to him, way too occupied by your quarrel. even from the halls, he could still hear the distant shouting, and began to wonder how long it’ll take before someone loses their mind.

the arguments you shared varied on the scale of severity. one time they were closer to a bicker, and everyone was grateful that at least you didn’t want to kill each other. a few hours later the clamor was back on, and wouldn’t stop until you both got fed up. it mattered little whether the cause of your argument was serious, or no — you’d still put your everything into those screams. if someone told you that everyday you’d be having an altercation with the crown prince of Kremnos — be it about who gets the last sugar packet, or who is more of a pathetic-foolish-wrongdoer — you wouldn’t believe them.

it is said that soulties can make you feel emotions tenfold. sorrow, anger, joy, love. it only applied towards one’s soulmate, but could be destructive nonetheless. it can either make you more infatuated, or cause you to regret ever meeting them. you surely identified with the latter.

exactly one year passed before your relationship with Mydeimos took… a slightly off-track route.

it was pretty obvious that you and him were at your wits ends, and bearing any more of that would lead you both astray. each day, you prayed to whoever was willing to listen, begging for this nightmarish charade to finally end. countless days spent on either bawling your eyes out, or tearing your throat as you screamed in frustration were making you more than exhausted. wicked satisfaction coming from making Mydei’s existence harder was meek, and the constant headaches drove you up the wall. you felt trapped — perhaps you truly were. dark shadows hanging low under the man’s eyes were a clear indication he felt the same. still, no matter how much you tried to stay separated, the nature of soulmates was unavoidable. a bond, no matter how dire, once created wouldn’t be able to break. it could only progress further, and when you realized that you were practically attached by the hip, your heart sank low. did you really have no way of breaking free in this dystopian world? nowadays, even your own thoughts seemed to betray you. whenever you crossed the line with Mydei and said too much, guilt would follow you around like a stray dog. a dog from what? the nether, most likely. a vicious, snarling hound, gnawing at your bones, only to lick the marrow with apology in its bottomless eyes.

a tug of war. that’s the best way you could describe it.

as always, the sun hung high on the horizon, and even though you liked to think of yourself as accustomed to the holy city’s climate, it still took a toll on you. you decided to open the window, hoping the fresh breeze would make you feel better. it did, even if just a little. you sighed in relief, smiling to yourself as you watched children playing outside of your surgery’s window. they seemed so carefree, falling and instantly getting up, unable to pay any attention to their scraped knees as the whirl of fun distracted them from pain. this sight brought distant memories, buried somewhere deep within your mind. once, you were like them too — running around the fields, covered in dirt and grass until your mother would finally drag you home, and lecture how dangerous it was to stray so far away. when was the last time you thought about that? life in the holy city stripped you away from all that was once dear. never ending conflicts and problems piling upon one another, forcing you to push back any comfort left.

you prayed that those children would never have to bear such burdens, even though it was nigh impossible to avoid.

as you continued to brood, someone opened the door. your head snapped towards the direction of the sound, immediately recognizing the silhouette. your brows furrowed as you tore yourself off from the windowsill, stepping a bit closer to the man. it was an extremely rare occurrence — him visiting you out of his own volition, that is. you sent him a cautious look, feeling a tinge of anxiety rise up in your gut. you were having such a good day, and now he probably came to ruin it, likely out of boredom. you already opened your mouth to chase him away, but before you could say anything his voice resonated through the room.

"what?" Mydei asked, as if your expression offended him, "can’t i visit our physician?" the man’s words were phrased like one of his usual sarcastic remarks, making your brow twitch.

your frown deepened slightly as you continued to study him with intent eyes. something was obviously off. "well, why’re you here then?"

at that, Mydei paused. his gaze jumped around the room, and he appeared a bit conflicted. it was unlike him to be caught off guard like that, but he came to you - obviously he had a goal in mind, yet now he refused to voice his thoughts. perhaps his pride didn’t allow him to. if it was anybody else you’d be already on the case, sitting them down and coercing into admitting their troubles. however, this was Mydei, and you were adamant about helping him. you stood there, tapping your foot as you scrutinized him, waiting for the man to finally say something.

before your patience managed to reach its limit, his voice once again tore through the silence. "i want you to cast healing energy on me."

you barely stopped your burst of laughter caused by the absurdity of his demand. seriously, come again? he seemed completely fine, standing straight and still managing to get on your nerves. if it wasn’t the picture of health, then you definitely didn’t know what it was. anyway, since when did he experience any kind of pains? Mydei was able to take blows effortlessly and live through fatal wounds, and now he was asking you to waste your time on him. was it to ridicule you?

"you’re joking, right?" you put your hands on your hips, restraining yourself from making any unnecessary comments. for whatever reason, you didn’t feel like fighting today. truthfully, you never did.

"is it really so unbelievable to you, [name]?" the man scoffed, taking few long strides towards the medical bed, "and you dare call yourself a physician." he taunted, a crooked smirk stretching his lips.

Mydei sat heavily, making the bed creak dangerously under the sudden pressure - you winced, hoping it wouldn’t break. you could feel your blood pressure rising, but you clenched your teeth in order to keep any remarks behind them. no, you won’t allow him to get a rise out of you. not today.

"alright, let’s assume something is genuinely wrong with you. what is it?"

another prolonged pause. the only sound filling the space was distant laughter and ticking of the clock hanging on one of the walls. it was arguably worse than listening to Aglaea’s scoldings.

"must you always ask such stupid questions? get to work, or i’ll make sure you bid goodbye to your little workplace tomorrow morning." after a while of contemplation Mydei snarled, visibly annoyed by your questions. it’s something he often did - threaten you. he rarely pulled off any of his promises, but they still made your mind stir with anxieties. if you could, you’d take a basin filled with water and forcibly dip his head inside until he finally lost consciousness. an unrealistic vision it was, because before you’d manage to get a handful of his golden locks, he would have already knocked the water out of your hands and laughed at your poor attempts.

why did you keep putting up with him, even though you were fed up beyond reason?

(grief-stricken people seek resolve).

"at least i wouldn’t need to look at your face everyday," you snapped back, closing the distance between you two, "tell me what’s bothering you, or i won’t cast anything."

it’s not like you cared — you genuinely didn’t, but you wouldn’t be effective unless you knew where the problem was rooted. spreading energy through the whole body was always pretty demanding, so you’d rather focus on one specific spot. you waited for Mydei’s response, but upon receiving none, you sighed with defeat. you throughly washed your hands with soap (something unpleasant crawled up your spine as you felt his eyes fixated on you the whole time), and stepped behind the bed. the sooner he leaves, the better.

you usually announced whenever you started to cast your energy, as the feeling at first was often akin to a slight shock. this time however, you firmly put your hands on his back and surged all of it at once, wanting to capture his jolty reaction. unsurprisingly, Mydei didn’t do anything other than gaze at the floor tiles with a bored look. how come things never turned out the way you wanted? with a little more fervor, you moved your hands towards the nape of his neck. your fingers twitched as you imagined curling them around his throat, cutting out the oxygen — but soon you turned down the vision. you weren’t always like this - this aggressive, and violent. what were you even thinking? Mydei was the bane of your existence, but it’s not like he deserved to suffer.

(or maybe he did?)

your brows narrowed together as you forced the intrusive thoughts out of your mind space. you were a medic, damn it—

"are you doing this on purpose, or what?" he murmured, slightly turning his face to look at you from the corner of his eye. you blinked twice, not understanding what he was referring to. "i mean breathing so hard on my neck. stop it."

you almost retracted your hands, suddenly feeling a mixture of embarrassment and ire. you didn’t even realize that your breaths got so labored, and much to your chagrin, you had no witty response to offer. with a heavy heart, you continued to move your palms around the man’s back, trying to find out yourself where his pains were located. finally, when you stopped around the shoulder blades, Mydei’s muscles seemed to relax at last, even if just a little bit.

"does it hurt here?" you asked absentmindedly, focusing on the flow of energy escaping your fingers.

being so gentle with someone who would never do the same to you felt almost disgusting. but you weren’t wicked at heart, and it was your job to put people at ease instead of furthering their misery. your mother would never approve of causing harm, no matter if the patient was especially awful.

Mydei nodded in response, his back hunching. you took that as a 'yes', continuing to heal. after about three minutes you were done, and the man got up from his seat, stretching his limbs as if he just woke up from a long slumber. you worked your expression into something more unpleasant, worried that if he saw the softened look on your face he might mock you for it.

"we’re done now, so get out of my face." you announced bluntly, the tone of your voice turning harsher than before.

he didn’t even spare you a glance as he walked towards the exit. "i don’t feel any difference. you’re awful at this, [name]." Mydei answered, shutting the door with a loud 'thud!'.

you stood there for a longer while, contemplating whether you should run after the man and choke him like you wanted to earlier. you ultimately abandoned that idea, instead sitting back into the chair and cradling your head with your hands. you hated Mydei. not because he was horrible, but rather because you still were somehow able of being delicate with him. why? how was that physically possible? bodies respond to spite with stronger reactions that yours — if your hatred was real, you wouldn’t even let him into your surgery in the first place.

that dreadful thought would haunt you for the next two years, everyday.

normally, you wouldn’t even dare to reminiscence about such things, but the dull taste of cauliflower made you think of equally terrible recollections. during the second year of your stay in Okhema, things took the turn for worse, and the unpleasant sensation on your tongue made all of your memories resurface.

the drastic shift in the air definitely felt like a thunder’s roar, at least in retrospection. soulmates are a complex thing, and even though they play a very significant role in people’s lives, the research on them is surprisingly lacking. alas, one thing is for sure — there is no turning back. the same applied to yours and Mydei’s case, the feelings of odium soon melting into something more conflicted. he was - much to your dismay - occupying your mind all the time. of course you would think of him earlier on, however back then it definitely got out of hand. constant questions plagued your already fatigued brain, forcing you to seek him out. you did nothing but argue, or huff and scoff at each other, but somehow it put you at ease. a certain sense of twisted familiarity. it worked both ways, unfortunately, and whenever you got busy with work, he’d still come bustling through your door. sometimes you’d fight, other times he’d ramble about things that got on his nerves, and you listened. you started to rely on him — apparently the same happened to Mydei, as Phainon often pointed out how agitated he got whenever you got separated for too long.

you never acknowledged the change in your behavior. it came naturally, just like sun peeks from behind the clouds after rain. your stormy relationship didn’t exactly calm down — Phainon still complained about the noise you two would make, and Castorice winced whenever you both appeared in the same room. mayhem followed in your wake, but at least Mydei stopped his constant threats on your person, and you spared the plates you oh-so-loved throwing at his head (even though he always avoided every single one of them).

what didn’t stop however, was the feeling of going crazy. hatred, spite and agitation took the nightmarish shape of obsession. alienation shook your bones whenever you tried forming any other meaningful connections, and your thoughts always sprinted back to the only question in your head: "where is Mydei?".

more often than not, you felt as if you completely lost yourself. the promises you made to your own self — to run far away from that man, never looking back — it all seemed so distant now. two years of mental exhaustion made your perception crooked, and everything seemed wrong. sometimes you’d wake up and look around, feeling as if someone moved the furniture in your surgery. it wasn’t rearranged, no, but the placement was off by a few inches. the same feeling of unease would creep up on you whenever you thought about how cruelly you betrayed yourself.

Mydeimos was important to you. coming to terms with that fact was hard, and the unfathomable hurt of it was almost comparable to when you cradled your mother’s terrifyingly bony hands in yours. two completely different situations, yet you still felt as if they shared a common ground — your downfall. it will continue to torment you, until your body will finally be lowered in a casket.

the worst part is, you still don’t know whether you genuinely lost your mind, or if the soultie effect caused it.

everything is changing. everything is getting worse. Phainon payed you a visit today, and he was talking about something, yet you couldn’t recall what it was. you gave him some tea — he said it was the best he had in a long time. you wanted to believe him, but the way his lips stretched in unnaturally cordial smile indicated otherwise. you couldn’t blame him though, as the brew was prepared with health-prosperity in mind. you could put a few sugar cubes inside, but it would defeat its original purpose.

the conversation between you and him didn’t stick, and you felt awkward. when you first got into the holy city, Phainon was definitely someone you would call a friend. he secured you a good job and a place to live, and would always try cheering you up. right now, there was an invisible wall separating you both. you could see no way around it.

"so, uhh, [name]," he began after a long pause, putting down the elegant cup back on the table, "Mydei was asking about you. i told him you were busy with work, so that he wouldn’t bother you." Phainon let out an unsure chuckle, carefully observing your expression.

you hummed in acknowledgment, taking a sip of your herbal drink. "good thing you did, else i’d have to put up with that man for gods know how long."

the image of Mydei walking unceremoniously into your surgery, and starting to pick at you made your skin crawl. you’d pick at him too, spewing insults left and right. you’d push him to the limits, watching the man come undone in front of your own eyes before the conversation would turn into a screaming match. then, you’d calm down. he’d stare at the tiles again, counting, and you would fall onto your chair with a resigned sigh. Mydei would eventually apologize, and you’d smile at him. it sounded terrible, no?

(yet you still yearned for it, the equal ruin).

Phainon laughed genuinely now, and you had to admit that happiness looked great on him. as of late, he seemed more worried than usual.

"well, i’m glad you approve of my decisions. you two really don’t get along, do you?" he mused, his gaze now trailing over to the window. perhaps the sights outside were more interesting than your face.

"no, no we don’t." you admitted in a weak voice, even though you didn’t want to sound so unconvinced. what was there to deny? someone once compared you and Mydei to two tigers — you didn’t catch on it until later, when you realized those animals were prone to killing each other in fights to death. that person was on point, much to your chagrin.

when you were unable of adding anything else to your lacking sentence, you thought it would be better for you to spend time with some other people. perhaps then you’d relearn what it means to be a normal, functioning human instead of a husk who only could spew and clash.

"oh, look at the time [name]!" Phainon suddenly called out, getting up a little bit too fast from his seat. "Aglaea wanted to see with me, and i don’t want to be late." he explained vaguely as you sent him a perplexed look, also standing up.

"a-alright then." you stammered out, taken aback by his rapid reaction. maybe he got bored, and came up with an excuse on the spot. "see you soon?"

"yeah, see you soon." he sent you a slightly nervous smile before walking out of the door. you watched him disappear, the surgery once more filled up with silence. you gazed at his barely touched tea, and decided to pour it out in the sink.

as you were doing that, you heard the distinctive footsteps outside. you didn’t even get the chance to turn around before Mydei walked through the entrance, that ever-present scowl on his face deeper than usual. you carefully placed down the cup, afraid of breaking it. it was your favorite, and you couldn’t afford to lose anything else dear to your heart, even if it was only porcelain.

"so that’s what you were busy with, huh?" the man asked, his tone low as he stepped closer to you. at first you didn’t understand what he meant, but after a second everything clicked. Phainon lied to him on your account, and then managed to spot him through your window. he left in hurry, thinking that Mydei discovering you both would only cause more problems. your heart clenched at his consideration as you observed the man with narrowed eyes.

"are you insinuating something?" you hissed, feeling the tension in the air arise with every second. "who are you to tell me what to do anyway? go find someone else to bully, because i’m really not in the mood for your bullshit."

"no, i’m not insinuating anything," he replied, venom practically dripping from his words, "i simply find it hilarious that you thought you could deceive me like that. do i look stupid to you, [name]?"

you couldn’t help the huff of irritation escaping your lungs as you looked around yourself, almost bewildered. Mydei seldom acted like that — yes, he was an absolute pain, however he has never outwardly shown his disapproval of you meeting with others. you didn’t even like Phainon in a romantic sense, and you never would. to think that this man came to such a conclusion was baffling, especially when you two weren’t even in a relationship.

"deceive you? are you crazy?" you barked out, spreading your arms apart, "you’re acting absurdly, Mydei! do you think i’m your possession, or something? you always seem to talk about how much you despise me, and yet here you are, ordering me around as you see fit!"

"it’s because—" the man paused, as if searching for the best words, long fingers woving through his hair. "you’re driving me mad, [name]! can’t you see? can’t you see what you’ve done?!" he shouted, making you want to take a step back. instead, you boldly rendered the distance between you two.

insanity. the slow descent into pits of human destruction kept dragging him down — perhaps you were much lower than Mydei, gripping his ankles and pulling — or maybe you were above, waving at the man, beckoning him to crawl out. as things were standing now, you were equal in your devastation.

"why are you blaming me?! go blame yourself, you lunatic!" you seethed, grabbing something from the drawer beside you. you paid no attention to the item in your hand, your sight focused solely on Mydei.

why do things between you always have to escalate at such a quick rate? sometimes you felt as if you were treading above an active volcano, where one wrong move could lead to a rapid eruption. you thought of yourself as the victim, and that much was foolish, as you were deeply aware you and him were both lava, and nothing else.

when Mydei failed to snap back in time, you decided to provoke him some more. "what, maybe you’re just jealous? it definitely sounds like that to me." you sneered, but the thought seemed horrifyingly real.

"why would i be jealous of someone like you?" he retaliated, even though the false denial in his expression was obvious, "look at yourself! you think that little cup will do me any harm? you must be really slow of mind." he laughed mockingly at the weapon you gripped in the palm of your hand.

to this day, you still don’t know what pushed you to such extreme. maybe it had something to do with soulties, or you were simply becoming what you’ve always hated. still, the already weakened strings which previously held your sanity together seemed to snap, and no amounts of regret could fix it.

"want to see for yourself?" you didn’t wait for the man’s response, shattering the porcelain across your tiled floor. you immediately bent down to reach for the biggest fragment, cutting yourself in the process, though you cared little for the stinging pain in your fingertips.

possessed by anger that only someone literally tied to your soul could evoke, you surged towards Mydeimos, aiming at his throat. he wouldn’t die, but the few minutes of him coughing up blood and gripping his own slashed neck would be enough to satiate you. you didn’t care that after his recovery, he’d likely kill you. leading such a life carried no sense within anyway.

("you are a medic, my sweet girl. your job is to save people, and make them happy. isn’t that a wonderful vocation? make your mother proud. i’m sure you can”).

Mydei gripped your wrists as you flailed your limbs, struggling against his strength. you kicked at his shin, your foot meeting with the golden metal, and you cursed yourself for forgetting it was there in the first place. a sickening whine of pain ripped from your throat as you realized that even if he unhanded you, letting you do as you please, you still wouldn’t be able to hurt him. after all, how could you?

the force of your efforts made you both stumble down and crash onto the hard floor, littered with sharp pieces of the cup. you felt the breath get knocked out of your chest as you gazed up at the man with wide, terrified eyes. warm blood trickled down your hand, and only then you realized just how deeply you wounded yourself. tears fogged over your vision as dry cries began to jerk your body.

(why do grief-stricken people seek resolve?)

(because they have nothing).

"i’m—" you sobbed, your voice trembling as you looked at Mydei’s equally shaken expression, "i’m so sorry! i’m so very, very sorry!" you wailed, letting go of the porcelain fragment, hearing it clatter on the ground. the man slowly released your wrists from his grasp, still hovering above you.

"stop it, [name]. i went overboard this time. you don’t have to apologize." his voice was uncharacteristically doleful as he observed your face, measuring the amount of tears with downcast eyes.

you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer to you. you could lie to yourself and pretend like you had genuine friends here, in Okhema— but at the end of the day, Mydei was all you had left. there was no one else. he wasn’t your home, but he was the only one who managed to stomp out the loneliness from your heart. you hated each other to the bone, and yet you still held your bodies on that cold floor, surrounded by nothing but muffled sobbing.

you were not violent. you were kindhearted, and warm, and you never would’ve thought of doing such things, however now all of it seemed repressed somewhere else. Mydei — no, perhaps entirety of the holy city — caused your breath to stop. you wished to view him in repulsion, but for gods’ sake, you knew you could not. once the summer sun will extinguish your being, up until the last cloud of smoke, you’ll be thinking of him. the soulmate mark stretching from your knuckles to wrist hurt. a pulsating kind of pain, reminding you it was still there, and you couldn’t forsake it.

"i’m so sorry…" you choked out, pressing your face into his shoulder.

"don’t be."

"i— i never meant to harm you, i just—"

"i know."

your hands gripped Mydei’s clothes, the blood from your cut already seeping over his previously clean attire and body. he didn’t seem to care, stroking fingers through your hair in attempt of showing any semblance of comfort (could he ever offer it?). you searched for something meaningful to say, but your thoughts narrowed to only one thing.

it was your favorite cup.

you chewed on the piece of meat with a twisted expression, the scar still visible between your fingers and the palm. sometimes it would itch, making it utterly irritating. the sounds of the swords clashing outside seemed to quiet down, now replaced by idle chatter. you were almost finished with your meal, and the time on the clock was indicating near evening. the day was coming to an end.

just like the food in your mouth, tasting rotten even though it looked completely fine, by the third year of your stay in Okhema things suddenly simmered down (wreck of your mind remained). the storm was no longer, thunders and lightning turning into whirlwind — still unpredictable and very much able to cause harm, but a bit more subtle. leading a war for three years straight would humble everyone, even the most capable warriors. for that, you were grateful.

the scorching sun no longer bothered you, and with enough savings you managed to buy yourself a place somewhere further from your surgery. now you didn’t have to reside in the small space, sleeping on medical bed and pretending like being caged there was no problem for you. this change brought you a certain peace of heart, as you regained at least a small piece of your independence.

as for you and Mydei — you still continued with your usual routine, although a bit less fierce. even though you never touched upon the topic, it seemed as if you shared a collective agreement that snapping your teeth at each other’s gullets brought you no good. it never did, but it took you both three years to realize.

now as you stuffed your mouth with some more vegetables, you wondered if Mydei possessed any redeeming qualities. if he didn’t, then you surely would have lost your mind a long time ago. after a short while of brooding, you came up with a verdict — he did. after that incident, it seemed like you started to notice more things. it’s not like you didn’t before, but perhaps you were buried too deep within your own sorrow to actually pay attention. the man wasn’t always awful. there were certain moments when you found common ground, and actually got along. though rare, the soultie progressed, and you felt as if some kind of understanding between you two formed.

after all, he was your soulmate, wasn’t he?

you sat down on the ridge of a big fountain, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. the weather was nice for a change, skies colored with a mesmerizing hue of yellow as the rain stopped pouring a few minutes ago. your clothes were soaked, but that didn’t matter, the cool on your body soothing you. you had a hard time at work today, so you wished for nothing more but a moment of rest — alas, it seemed like the universe wanted to mock you some more.

"look who we have here." a booming voice came from your right making you jump up, even though you were all-too-well accustomed to its sound. "what, don’t tell me you got caught up in the rain?"

"Mydei, give me a break…" you groaned, rubbing at your temples. he was the reason why you had to sweat so much today, and the mere sight of his face already made your blood pressure skyrocket. "are you aware you’re the reason why so many people came to me today?"

from what you’ve gathered, some fools decided it would be a great idea to spar with the Kremnoan prince. nobody wanted to admit to being the originator of the concept, though Phainon appeared especially nervous. you decided against pressuring him into speaking, as he was already injured enough. while you tended to the wounds, sewing the broken skin and putting gauzes to them, everyone kept murmuring one word: 'Mydeimos.' yes, that definitely made sense.

"it’s their fault for being overly-confident." he huffed, sitting down beside you, his eyes fixated on two birds jumping cheerily in a puddle. "if you’re not at least slightly afraid of your opponent, of course you’ll underestimate them, and fail. a pathetic mistake."

"well," you began, stretching out your legs as you captured his expression from the corner of your eye, "i’m not afraid of you at all. does that make me pathetic?"

even though your words sounded a bit exaggerated, it was the truth. throughout all of your fallouts and vicious arguments with Mydei, there was never a time where you were genuinely scared. maybe of yourself — but not of him. over the time you have learned to trust your gut, and right now it was telling you that your soulmate wasn’t a threat. yes, he throughly enjoyed making your existence filled with various anxieties and hardships, but did he ever rise a hand at you? you tried to literally slit his throat, and yet he didn’t even look offended, meanwhile most people would have strangled you unconscious.

his eyebrows rose slightly as he turned his face towards you. "is that so?” he didn’t seem to believe you, doubt arising in the honeyed irises.

"yeah," a humorless, dry chuckle escaped your lips as you studied the look he carried with great attention, "the sun will go out before i’m truly afraid of you. i have no reason to, anyway."

perhaps you should have reasons, because one of Mydei’s glares was enough to render someone unmoving. you watched him fight before, and the enemies seemed to be nothing but mere rag-dolls to him. a mentally-sound person would be trembling in respect before him — unfortunately for you, you were far from that, hence why you had to put up with all of the shouting and arguments.

"how can you be so sure, [name]?" Mydei mocked, but his comment lacked in real bite. it fell as something lighthearted on your ears, urging you to continue.

"if you really wanted to harm me, i’d be beheaded by the time i first threw a plate at you." that evoked a poorly contained snicker from him, and you couldn’t help but smile along. "and you’re… you’re not a bad person, Mydei— at least i don’t think so. bad people don’t play with children, nor do they bake pastries in their free time."

Mydei looked at you as if you just offended his whole lineage, way too dumbfounded to respond. you shook your head, an involuntary huff of laughter slipping past your lips as you took in his baffled expression. "you thought i wouldn’t notice?"

"well— well, obviously—" he forced the words out, struggling to compose a proper sentence, utterly embarrassed. "Phainon must have told you, right? he must have. oh, when i get my hands on that little—"

Phainon didn’t tell you anything. it’s just that after three years of knowing someone, people usually become aware of such things. you vividly remember Mydei playing hide and seek with a group of Kremnoan children, even if a little begrudgingly. it was one year ago, and Krateros asked you to relay some informations upon him. you can’t quite recall what it was, but you remember it being grim — normally you wouldn’t care, but it somehow made you feel somber. you didn’t want to ruin Mydei’s moment of peace, so you simply stood behind a pillar, watching the man count down as kids ran around trying to find the best hiding spot. after a while you departed, thinking it would be best to tell him later.

the other thing — precisely speaking, his baking hobby — you discovered by accident. after a long working day, you spotted Castorice and Tribbie eating something. you didn’t mean to stare, but they eventually noticed your longing gaze and invited you to sit with them. it was rare for you to share a meal with anyone, so you gratefully accepted one of the profiteroles. it was delicious, and the girls giggled at the way your eyes lit up. Tribbie explained those were a gift from 'De', as they liked to affectionately call him. you were surprised to hear that, and even thought about using that as a leverage in one of your many arguments, but eventually abandoned the idea. it wasn’t a bad activity. actually, you found it quite endearing, as far as your positive feelings towards Mydei could go.

you sighed, looking up at the yellow sky as you pleaded the gods for more patience - then, you focused back on the man. "Phainon didn’t tell me, and i don’t perceive any of those things as something you should be ashamed of. they’re good qualities. at least i know you still have a heart, Mydeimos." you grumbled, rolling your eyes.

his features seemed to relax a bit, as if the cause of his stress was based solely on your opinion. "well, aren’t you the sweetest." he murmured, a bit dryly.

you hummed in response, watching Mydei suddenly turn his face away from you, his expression obscured by the blonde locks. before you could say anything else, he pulled himself up, and started to walk away. for a second, you contemplated whether you should call after him, but decided to keep your mouth shut. it was rare for you both to share a conversation so civilized, without any crude remarks or insults. you didn’t want to ruin it for yourself, so you watched his silhouette slowly fade into the crowd of people.

and that was it. sometimes, you’d pace around your room and wonder whether you held any love for him. somewhere, in the deepest corners of your soul, the answer perhaps lied. you would have to dissect your body over and over again, searching for it, until you’d finally find the core — oozing with the venom of a rattlesnake, covered in wildflower petals. being in love, what does it feel like? were you even capable of it?

your scorched mind couldn’t grasp the concept, so you decided to leave it unanswered. even though you yearned for it — even if you wanted to catch it like a butterfly, gently nursing against the palms of your hands. contradictions are an inevitable part of the human nature. soulmates were a curse of sorts, and nowadays it seemed as if you were close to giving in. remaining hellbent took a toll on you, and the line between "surrender" and "acceptance" started to blur. still, you would never forget the torment he brought upon you. Mydei won’t forsake the thousands of your spiteful actions either, their ever-presence hovering just a few steps behind.

in a metaphorical sense, it seemed as if you both were constantly throwing up on each other. reduced from humans to mere specimens, created only to claw at one another’s throats, and then crawl back into the warm embrace as the bloody wounds made your bodies shake with cries. nothing less, nothing more.

the fork in your hand scraped against the ceramic material, forming an unpleasant sound. there was nothing left on your plate. the disgusting dinner gone, replaced with smudges of sauce and vegetable scrapes. you frowned when you suddenly heard the knocking on your door, characteristic enough for you to recognize who was standing behind them. you placed the dish onto your desk, sitting back on the bed. usually you’d be stomping to the door, ready for another clash, vicious words already on your tongue. however, now all of your bared teeth was gone. nothing made sense, and you were worn.

"come in." you called, smoothing out your attire from any wrinkles.

the door opened slowly, and a second later you were already facing Mydei. you sent him a questioning look, taking notice of his slightly slumped form. did he injure himself while sparing? no, that wasn’t possible. you observed him carefully, waiting, trying to deduce what the issue was. maybe those annoying pains were getting to him again.

"i was looking for you." he announced, his tone depraved of any kind of ire he’d still sometimes grace you with.

"you know i’m usually at my place during evening hours." you replied, your eyebrows narrowing together. "did something happen?"

"no." Mydei sighed, taking a few steps forwards. "i just wanted to see you, [name]."

you sent him a chary smile, noting the unabashed tone of his voice. honestly, it took you by surprise, but somehow you understood what he meant. it was always like that — you wished to never talk to him again, yet you felt as if you were conjoined.

(grief-stricken people seek resolve, as they have nothing — and once it’s caught by their fangs, they won’t let go, no matter how much pain it brings in its wake).

Mydei’s expression was a little absent, stripped from the usual high-awareness. "you seem tired." a soft mutter left your lips as you gently grabbed his fingers and tugged towards you, wondering whether he was getting enough sleep.

"maybe a bit." he admitted, kneeling by the side of your bed and wrapping his arms around your waist. you let him without any hesitation, watching as he put his head on your lap.

moments of intimacy were not a part of your everyday life, however there were times when one of you would unravel and lean on the other person. humans needed connection. they needed touch, warmth, affection. those were things you’d never use to describe the relationship with your soulmate, yet you couldn’t resist the sparse comfort when offered.

Mydeimos was much nicer to you in your head. your conversations didn’t usually go as planned. sometimes, when you felt the side of his face press into your neck as you let your healing energy flow through his spine, you dwelled on things he harbored within his heart. after you were done, he’d retract his body away from yours and send you a fleeting glance, filled with grudges and dismay. you’d scowl back, thinking how nice it would be to never see him again.

you ran your fingers through his golden locks, feeling at how soft they were in contrast to their owner. whenever the man got tired — genuinely tired — he’d always become so docile. the rise and fall of his chest was meek, and you would’ve thought he wasn’t breathing at all if you didn’t look closer. the same hands that ripped his enemies apart were now cradling you, as if your body was made out of glass. all the hatred and rage was gone, replaced by silent agreement to let this moment last before you’d be back to spitting at each other.

Mydei never opened up to you. you didn’t know what he went through in the past — all the horrors and trauma shaping him into who he was now. it must have taken a lot of effort to stay gentle, at least in a certain way, hidden away from the eyes of others. you leaned down, watching his relaxed face as you trailed over the tear-shaped tattoo with your intent gaze. when you felt Mydei press himself further into your lap, one conclusion appeared clearer than anything you managed to deduce throughout those three years of bloodborne struggles.

no matter what, all wolves dream of being a dog.

[vergils-beloved]

selfshipping related vent under the cut

i have to admit that recently i've been feeling quite insecure about how i express my love for vergil? i fear some people could perceive me more like one of those fangirls instead of someone who genuinely loves vergil. i mean the fangirls that severely mischaracterize the characters and project all of their very ooc fantasies onto them to the point it makes you wonder if they even know the character at all y'know?

i think part of it is that a lot of my gushes and posts are about physical touch which could make me come across as very shallow and like i don't care about him emotionally? and also that i call him things like cute and adorable so often which could make it seem like i don't take him seriously, or that i do things like flap my arms and kick my legs which i think is seen as typical fangirl behavior as well? there's also the entire "i can fix him" thing which idk. some people could think i'm just using him to live out my weird savior complex or something, or that i'd stop loving him if in a future game he turns out to have (mostly) healed from his trauma which i obviously wouldn't do. i struggle with understanding others and i can't get into his head 100% of the time (which is normal but i think i can do it even less than the average person who's liked a character for this long) and i struggle with thinking of what he'd do in a lot of situations which again can make me seem very shallow or like i don't actually know him. for me it's more like "whatever he does i will still love him deeply" aaaaaa

i have to remind myself that i do understand vergil and that me having my own personality that's different from his isn't me mischaracterizing him. i can be affectionate and be more openly wholesome when he's the opposite of that. i don't have to make vergil's personality my own to "love him properly" because obviously you don't have to be a copy of your partner to love them and for them to love you? loving someone who is different from you is a very beautiful thing. also not being able to predict someone's every move doesn't mean you love them any less. all of this is very obvious to me but with how much some people complain about those kinds of fans it makes me worry i could be seen as one as well because of how i do or don't express myself

[sempsimps]

Gregory Violet head cannons + NSFW

Season 4 of black butler has me thinking about a certain emo (Gregory not ceil but check out my friend @serve-corps if your into that) but like omfg he's so fine what for and like man wears lipstick I just he's so adorable I've never wanted to own the manga more in my life he's so- I should stop but like aaaaaa so this is head cannons mixed with actual cannon that was on the fandom wiki so that's fun I was thinking of writing a full story later but for now....

this is head cannons, and at the bottom, I'll have a warning for my nsfw thoughts. lol, just remember you're responsible for your Internet consumption, but before i get into this, it's all my opinions. Don't take it as gospel or anything like that, im having fun, alright? okay then.

Little head cannons

-he likes poetry. He gives that vibe like come on...(literally an hour later) Okay, so like, just seen a manga page of him drawing a jabberwocky around ceil like a sleep paralysis demon. a little back story on this particular poem is "a nonsensical poem about the killing of the jabberwocky" in 1871, apparently. this is very relatable to ceil and Gregory alike and like Google it for real (so like I was completely right about that and I didn't even know)

he smells like a mix of charcoal and acrylic paint like dusty but kinda nice, ya know (i go back to this further down)

-why dose he seem like he has autism, i cant explain it but, i have it to, so I'm not trying to be rude, but the bowtie he wears is like a normal tie but looser and nicer. and i hate ties, so i feel that in my soul. he also seems like he wouldn't like synthetic material idfk. also social situations suck, his voice is mostly monotone and quite, its not the typical "not understanding cues or not getting jokes" but its more like a social anxiety thing, and that's usually diagnosed with autism i think? (I'm not a doctor i don't really know. Maybe I'm projecting here a little)

-he's like defo bi or pan or perhaps an ace group. I'm not that educated on that lgbtq+ aspect apologies but that's the vibe (again, that's my opinion)

Dating head cannons male or female [brackets if pointed to someone with tits lol]

-bones. Need I say more? I like bones and rocks soooo be like, otters give him a bone (not like that-) or rocks he strikes me as a rock guy like smooth ones. idk how, but just get one he deserves it.

-painting dates if you struggle, he can easily guide you through it, his hand gently moving to help you use the right brush stroke. he's clearly more skilled in pencil/charcoal works, though we haven't seen much else [that takes skill and I take art like damn that's difficult]

-So apparently the sun and dancing makes him dizzy (it was on the fandom wiki) so definitely have water on hand and well he doesn't seem like the type to like anything plain becuse of the drink mixing so water is a no go to boring and i get that so grab one of those ball tea infusers and make flavoured water he can put the flavours in it like idk lemon slices and let it sit in the water maybe add suger (wait thats just flat lemonade lol whatever I'm a genius ik don't flatter me)

-stolen hoodie? Nah, stollen emo robe looking ass. it seems everyone in purple house has one, and well, yall could swap, or ya know, just wear his. if he has another obvious man is never seen without it, it could be a comfort for him. but like, he seems like he would have a bigger one, and it would smell so nice like charcoal and acrylic paint (that i mentioned earlier). Don't question it, but you can smell that, right? but there's a hint of passion fruit becuse he's trying for you (aw how cute) you can not tell me he doesn't like perfume and like its either passion fruit or cola adjacent like i know it probably wasn't around at the time but like you can see it (maybe i based this on a meme i found but shush)

-you paint each others nails need i say more? and even if you dont like/want to, he would just like to take time off with you to do his own or you do his. oh my god, I just remembered he wears eyeliner the same thing, but he likes you doing it. For some reason, you're better at it, and he doesn't want panda eyes.

-sneaking out at late to hide behind the boarding house, to just chill or chat, looking at the stars. It's a nice area, but yall gotta dodge the house master most of the time. Still, a little thrill never hurt nobody, just maybe given a Y or two if you're caught.

-hiding in your shoulder when the sun or people get too much to deal with. (I feel that so much)

-Gregory is a mix when it comes to pda. Overall, he doesn't like it could be a little overwhelming for him, but when yall with the other prefects, he might hold your hand, he's trying, and we love him for it.

-Gregory seems to observe his friends a lot, and so i think he truly values any relationships he has with anyone. on a whole, he usually draws people that are around him, like ceil, and i think i seen one of Lawrence. (idk i don't have the manga) so i think he would have a lot of sketches of you, be it in his work as doodles, or fully fledge charcoal drawings, maybe even a painting. but he values and enjoys being with you a lot.

-little snacks like fruit and chocolate almost like a picnic in the swan gazebo, but ya know not sharing with everyone unless Gregory wants to, also the fact your with the others in the swan gazebo is becuse, 1 your allowed to be there they've invited others before, 2 you get along with the prefects and drudges and they really don't care, 3 your either his drudge or the first two already applied before hand so you both seen no point in doing that.

okay, so i can't think of anything else wholesome to put down, and i just can't stop thinking, so now this is the warning I REPEAT NSFW BEOYNED THIS POINT!! ALSO HE IS 18-19 ACORDING TO GOOGLE

NSFW head cannons

- some general things, he's a switch or power bottom idk but i can see it so much he prefers you on top, though

-favourite body part would be chest. tits or not [but defo would love them so much like a stress toy] or the space between shoulder and neck, to hide in and bite....(he is a wolf lmao)

-right, so first off lipstick. oh my god... imagining it smeared in places and having prominent marks on your body made by him, like hickeys but removable. and like after he gives head, it would get so messed up on his face or you and just kissing him with it like that, getting some on your lips... (jesus, i need to touch grass)

-he likes art obviously, and well going back to the lipstick and hickeys, he wants to see what colour they turn, your like a brand new canvas just begging to be painted on by him, and honestly vice versa he's too pretty not to mark up..... (no comment)

-this is an all boys school they most likely don't have sex ed here and so you would have to teach him what to do but once he knows it kinda clicks right ya know [another reason i think he would just love titties becuse he wants to learn and i mean like he would get kinda fascinated with them] also he would be really sensitive in general and that's a great advantage to top (but hey you didnt hear that from me 0^0)

okay then that was that and ive run out of ideas now and i need to get this out of me ive got like 2 more things to write about this emo becuse i love and relate to him so much anyway hope that was good i try to be accurate even though this is head cannons and not real at all im still trying to be in character sorry if my writing sucks :)

[samaraxmorgan]

I got my four Sukuna commissions from @salsakiyoomi and need to gush about them <3 Her comms are still open and u can find more info to commission her here!!!

Tragically Beautiful: the concept of soulmates, follows sukuna falling for you in heian era and then you die tragically, only for him to find you centuries later, in modern time, and he recognizes you because how could he forget those beautiful eyes of yours?

This fic broke me and then put me back together; SO SWEET showing how we slowly fell for each other in the Heian period (and the first kiss in this was SO ROMANTIC AAAAA) , and then SO HEARTBREAKING seeing him go through the grief of losing the only person he’s ever loved. He’s written so well and so in character with (of course) slaughtering the ones responsible for our death, but also not being willing to give up on his soulmate and being determined to find us again now matter how long it takes </3 IT HURTS SO GOOD!!! And the reunion is so cute, had me smiling at my phone like an idiot asksksksk

The Things We Are: break up with sukuna because he messed up but then he comes to you one night, drunk and begging for forgiveness and against your better judgement you take him back

I LOVED this, I’m such a sucker for modern au <3 I love that he’s so flawed and constantly trying to keep his walls up, and how insanely hard he crashed when he got drunk. LITERALLY begging on his knees STOP IT I LOVE ITT!!! I’m sure once he’s sober he’ll be internally cringing at himself for it, but I love how vulnerable he is in this :) I KNOWW he’s so toxic BUT!! I am more than willing to deal with toxic when it’s from him hehe

Infatuated: heian era! sukuna coming home injured after battle, heading straight to you for comfort and help, even though you're supposedly nothing but a mere concubine to him

THIS WAS SO SWEET!! Taking care of him and tending to his wounds after a battle UGH I am so weak for that… and how he only feels comfortable with us seeing him injured and will immediately kill anyone else who sees him vulnerable (He’s so dramatic for that ASKAKSK I adore him)!! And him hating how we call him “my lord” but being too stubborn to just tell us to call him by his first name is SO HIM!! And the kiss at the end is so intimate and passionate EEEE I am weak in the knees I love him so much <3

Falling: arranged marriage with sukuna, it's a political arrangement but he slowly finds himself falling for you

ENEMIES TO LOVERS MY BELOVED!!! I absolutely adore how he was such an asshole at first just to do a TOTAL 180 and become completely whipped >:) Him having a creepy scary grin during the wedding just to be at a loss for words later when he realizes he (god forbid) has feelings AAAAAA!!! I love it I just fuckin love when he’s in denial about his feelings it’s so GOOOOOD!!! Thinking he’s incapable of love but then falling headfirst into it and not even trying to look back yES!!!

[nekohime19]

Mini Mac # 46 : Monkey date

The monkeys goes on a date and the pilgrims are on babysitting duty

Wukong was leaning over the cubs’ crib, playing with the pups. Savage was looking up at him with excitement, pawing at his huge fingers in glee. Rumble was clutching his Wukong doll tighter, sometimes leaning in the soft touches of his Pa, rubbing against the pad of his fingers to have more pets.

“Come on, buds. Repeat after me, Pa.” Cooed Wukong, trying to coax his babies. It was his new pastime. He wanted more than anything to hear his pups’ first words.

“Aaaa.” Babled Savage.

“Pa.” Corrected Wukong as he booped his lil firecracker.

“Aaa!” She repeated with a lil blep.

“Pa, busy bee, Paaaaaa.”

“Aaaaaa.” Giggled Savage as she began to chew on his finger. Wukong sighed in fondness and let her do as she pleased. He then turned towards Rumble. It was always more difficult to make him blabber. He usually stuck to his mrrps langage. But the great sage learned that if he drowned his son in pets and snuggles the lil guy would be more willing to indulge him.

“Come on, puss-pouts, do it for me, say Pa.” Cooed Wukong as he petted the lil guy. Rumble slowly blinked up at him, he yawned, still drowsy from his nap.

“Aa.” Muttered Rumble.

“Pa.” Repeated Wukong.

“Wa.” Chirped Rumble, he then buried himself in his doll. Tired after so much effort.

“You're still trying to make them talk?” Chuckled Macaque. He was not far from the crib, crushing leaves to replenish his vials in different powder and medicine.

“It's a lost cause.” Snorted Bajie, he was reclining on the grass, arms crossed behind his head. Wukong huffed, he threw a glare at the pig demon.

“Well, I believe in them.” Replied the great sage as he got back to his cooing.

“We'll resume the journey tomorrow morning.” Informed Sanzang, he was dutifully polishing his staff with a wet cloth.

“I'll take the first watch tonight.” Hummed Wukong, he was not feeling very sleepy anyway.

“Actually, why don't you go out with Macaque for the evening? You guys are new mates and you don't have much time alone together.” Proposed Wujing. Bajie, Sanzang and Ao Lie perked up at the proposition. Both monkeys had been very… insistent in their courting as of late and it was becoming bothersome, for the lack of other terms.

Bajie still remembered the time Wukong brought back an outrageous amount of fruits only to impress his mate. It was hell to cook.

Wujing remembered when he got slapped by a demon's weapon because Wukong wasn't paying attention to the fight going on, instead looking back at Macaque every minute.

Ao Lie remembered when Macaque messed up the braid he was weaving in his hair because he was distracted by Wukong cooing at the cubs.

Sanzang remembered the night he stayed awake because of the two monkeys giggling and whispering sweet nothing to the other, believing no other heard them.

Gods, if those two could calm down their courting after one date, it would be great.

“What about the cubs?” Asked Wukong. He wasn't against spending time with Macaque but leaving the cubs didn't seem right.

“We'll babysit!” Replied Sanzang.

“You're sure?” Asked Macaque, he knew how tiresome his babies could be, especially Savage.

“We've never been surer.” Assured Ao Lie. Wukong considered the proposition. If he was honest, spending alone time with Macaque sounded great. Not that he didn't like his pups or his brothers. But… it would be great to have some quality time with his new mate.

“W-well, we could if you want to?” Tentatively asked Wukong as he glanced at the black-furred monkey. Macaque stopped grinding his leaves and nervously scratched his neck.

“Why not?” Replied Macaque. Wukong's tail wagged without his consent, the sage cursed and tied the unruly limb to his hips. Macaque snorted, he found it cute.

The great sage summoned his cloud with a flick of wrist, Macaque climbed on it and settled comfortably. Both monkeys left following the winds.

“Now we gotta be careful with the cubs. Especially Savage, she's slippery.” Warned Sanzang, he knew this from experience.

“How hard is it gonna be to babysit two brats?” Scoffed Bajie.

Ao Lie leaned over the cribs and winced. “There is only one in there.” All the pilgrims turned towards the crib and face-palmed. Rumble looked up at them innocently, as if his sister wasn't missing.

“This is gonna be a long night.” Sighed Wujing.

Meanwhile, both monkeys were admiring the starry sky. Macaque was sprawled on Wukong's chest, nibbling on the fruits the sage passed along to him. Perhaps it wasn't as romantic as it could be, but it was nice. They talked about silly things. Indulging in their more cheesy side now that they were alone.

“You know, your eyes are like rubies.” Mumbled Macaque as he looked up at the sage. Wukong snorted.

“You always become more cheesy when no-one is watching.”

“It's not my fault. You should stop being so cheesy-worthy.” Playfully huffed Macaque.

“Oh it's my fault now?” Smiled the golden monkey.

“It's always your fault.” Teased Macaque as he stuck his tongue out.

“You lil gremlin!” Chuckled Wukong, he took Macaque in his hands and began to tickle him. Macaque shrieked with laughter. Trying to wiggle out of Wukong's fingers in vain.

Wukong took pity on Macaque after a few minutes and stopped tickling him, instead he patted him on the head. Macaque smirked and kissed the tip of Wukong's fingers. The great sage flushed and glared at his mate. “You-” Grumbled the sage but he stopped himself. He got a devilish idea. The golden monkey brought Macaque closer to his face and smooched his head.

Macaque yelped and fluffed up, caught off guard by the affectionate gesture. “That was foul play.” Grumbled Macaque.

“Everything is fair in love and war.” Hummed Wukong.

They spend the rest of the night playing and talking. Basking in the other presence. When they got back to the camp, they found the pilgrims in a pitiful state. Sanzang was covered in mud, Wujing was removing twigs stuck in Ao Lie's hair and Bajie was on the floor, dead to the world around him.

Savage and Rumble were in their crib, peacefully sleeping, looking like angels.

“I don't think I even want to know.” Snorted Wukong.

+ cut scenes

Bajie *when Savage disappeared* : Where is she!? How is she so fast? 😧

Savage *hiding in the dark. Preparing to jump on one of them* : 😂🤭🤭

Sanzang : I didn't think baby monkey laughter could sound so ominous, but here we are. 😅

Ao Lie : ack! She jumped on me! 😣

Ch1 / Previous / Next

[physics-of-one-piece]

Spraying Doffy with some water? I thought only seawater drained their powers, unless I missed something (which is entirely possible given I was only half-watching trying to get to the parts where our Flamingo king turned up AHEM-)

I'm spraying him with the garden hose then. He's reclining on a hammock and I'm watering the garden and I've decided he's had enough peace, he's getting watered like a naughty little sunflower. The King of Dressrosa is getting drenched and I'm not going to stop until he takes the hose outta my damn hands himself.

Especially if it's one of those hoses where the water just flows out the end, not the ones with the attachments so you can spray/jet/shower/mist etc.

BEING TIED TO HIS BED WITH STRINGS ISN'T A PUNISHMENT, I CAN TAKE HIM-

~🎶 🐦

According to Oda, Devil Fruit users get weakened by any amount of excessive water, not just seawater. He said so in one of the SBS.

I don't blame you for half-watching, same, ugh. Corrida Colloseum parts were such a pain in the ass before Green Bit started it got boring after 5 eps.

Omg, Doffy getting splashed by a water hose and watered like a pretty big sunflower, hahaha! I want to write a fic of this. This is so adorable 🥹🥹

This is so funny and so cute.

Aaaaaa

And yeah, he can tie me up with his strings to the bed as punishment and have his fun, I'm ready, I can take it.

Worth it seeing Doffy get a cute wet cat face me thinks.

Like this.

And then chasing Reader around the garden trying to get that hose away and keeps getting splashed. I don't know about you but I'd get caught quick cus I'd be laughing so much.

"Sorry, I was watering the sunflowers, and you’re the biggest one I have.” is sth I would 100% say to Doffy, idc if it's corny, he needs to know he's my fav sunflower

(smooches him all over the face)

[merakiui]

MERAAA AHH YOUR WINTER WOES !!! And I thought I was devout to Azul.. 🛐

Okay; Let me start thinking how I can articulate and express my feelings about this fic.

#1 The dialogue. You HAVE to understand, I was kicking my feet up, giggling so much. The way you incorporated Jade's down bad behavior into his thoughts which slightly differs from his dialogue- AH ┻⁠┻⁠︵⁠ヽ⁠(⁠`⁠Д⁠´⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠︵⁠┻⁠┻ I LOVE IT !!!!

#2 Deception. YOU REALLY CAPTURED JADE'S PERSONA HERE. His mildly hidden deception > < ) Oh the chokehold he has on me rn cause of ur fic!!! Bro was lying straight from his gaping serrated maw 🫶 And it was perfect! I was jumping up and down every time I saw the contrast in his thoughts and words, I can not STRESS the fact that I ended up laughing so heartily on that scene where he straight up lied to MC about the possible pregnancy; You're way of story telling and build up is so 👌✨ *chef's kiss*

#3 The interaction. Between Y/N and Jade is so 😩👉👈💗💓💘 Surprisingly, this is one of your most gentlest Jade in the Jade multiverse and it was certainly a treat. I feel like I was just fed a full course meal for free. Definitely an unforgettable experience (⁠๑⁠♡⁠⌓⁠♡⁠๑⁠) I mean, as IF Jade would ever let you forget about what happened. THE BANTER ?!?! The banter. Golden. MC's genuine concern vs Jade's hornybrained desperation (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Yummy !

#4 Jade. Of course. GOSH, I wanna sit here and yap to you all about how startling soft and sappy this made me. Which really shows how amazing your writing issss!!! Who else can spread Jade propaganda like this but you 😔 Azul Nation stay strong ! ୧⁠(⁠ ⁠˵⁠ ⁠°⁠ ⁠~⁠ ⁠°⁠ ⁠˵⁠ ⁠)⁠୨

Anws I'm scared of absolutely bombing ur inbox so I'll stop it here > < ) Like Jade, I also still have some self control. Take care of urself <333 Ty for the fic !

- I can't choose an emoji; A garden flower.

( ≧ᗜ≦) AAAAAA THANK YOU SO SO MUCH, GARDEN FLOWER!!!!! Please never be scared of bombing my inbox!!! You can yap as much as you want!! I'll always be grateful to read your words!!!!! <3

I'm so happy all of those aspects of the fic were enjoyable!! I wanted to try my hand at writing another version of Jade who is soft and sweet. Writing from his pov is so fun, especially when he's in his mating season and is so very desperate and down bad. >:D as someone who is also very dedicated to Azul Nation, I fear Jade is trying to creep his way into my heart...... more than Azul!!!! >_< truly, we must all remain strong for tako!!!!!!

I really can't thank you enough for your kind words!!! I loved writing this type of Jade, and I think his relationship with the reader is very cute. Reader who is genuinely concerned for him contrasted with Jade's own one-track horny brain. I had fun writing all of his moray behaviors!! The gaping maw and the need to hunt an absurd amount of food for you in order to provide for mate. orz aaaaa his rizz is questionable, but his heart is in the right place (mostly ;;;; he's still lying about a few things, but that won't matter once you're knocked up).

I think a Jade who is vulnerable like this is very wonderful. He plays submissive just to better manipulate you, but it's difficult to tell where the line between act and truth is. <3 what a menace...... orz

[ghost-proofbaby]

Aaaaaa hello lovely, hope you’re doing okay! 💖

this is really random but I was outside running errands today and stopped dead in my tracks when i passed by this and i couldn’t help but THINK OF COWBOY EDDIE HE IS DRIVING ME INSANE ON THE DAILY BC HE SEEMS TO FOLLOW ME AROUND THANK YOU FOR BRINGING HIM TO LIFE (kinda)

felt like sharing bc it did make me giggle and the store apparently sells e-bikes lol, would rather take cute and cocky longhaired hat-wearing cowboys tho

hugs and love to you!!! 🌻

—runningupthatvecna

(tumblr doesn’t let me send asks from my sideblog so here we are on main, the ancient big time rush archive ahaha look away)

COWBOY EDDIE!!!! I FUCKING LOVE THIS!!

he truly haunts me and i keep imagining more scenarios of him. what it was like when he went shopping for the hat - did he already have the hat? (he did. he bought it on a rare vacation with wayne months before the theme night happened actually). thinking about him breaking in the boots. thinking about him trying to make so many events afterwards into excuses to dress like a cowboy again. thinking of him in all black, and adding the hat for flair. him just fully leaning into a gothic cowboy aesthetic and when you notice and try to tease him for it he's all huffy and puffy like "I AM NOT JUST DRESSING THIS WAY SO YOU'LL RIDE ME AGAIN" and you get to smirk like "....eddie, babe, i never said those words."

spoiler alert: you do go ahead and ride him again with the hat on. it's like a reward.

also i am absolutely not looking away because i love big time rush