#SPECIAL INTEREST MODE ENGAGED

[agave]

new icon end of an era goodbye nut head

[indescriptequilibrium]

few things in life more indulgent to me than watching one of the many of videos circlejerking about what a good game dark souls 2 is

[flimsy-roost]

this might be old news but I'm pretty convinced that the only difference between hyperfocus and flow is negative vs positive framing

[jethrowest]

let me see you stripped down to the bone…

- stripped by depeche mode

congratulations! you’ve been hired as homelander’s entire glam squad! what an opportunity! now let’s try real hard not to let the fumes get to you, okay?

pairing : homelander/afab reader

word count : 5.6k

warnings : homelander in and of himself, toxic workplace environment, something akin to stockholm syndrome, fingering, smut. 18+, mdni

special thanks to @blindmagdalena @sehtoast @homeb0ys and @clockworkzeppelin for letting me scream at you about this!

writing tag

gif credit

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Homelander is an asshole.

That doesn’t bother you much. You’ve dealt with plenty in this field, which means you’ve learned how to make life easier for all parties. That particular learning curve includes when to stand out and blend in, at times concurrently depending on what variety of asshole they happen to be.

As a whole, the makeup artists and hairstylists at Vought take care of The Seven and go where they’re needed. And as a cosmetologist, you were hired to provide both services for Homelander and Homelander only, which you consider to be one of the most prestigious stamps one could add to their professional passport.

Before you became official, you were colorfully threatened by a Ms. Ashley Barrett, who, after the fact, had no qualms throwing you into the lion’s den to figure your own shit out.

In no uncertain terms were you told that if you fucked any part of this up, your sparkling resume would look best as something to sit her smooth, bare ass on while getting fucked on top of her desk. No lube or protection. It would then be tossed exactly like her salad.

Not an image you could have ever predicted crossing your mind. Honestly, you should have stopped her right there and walked your happy little ass out of her office toward pastures that might have not been greener (you were being handsomely compensated), but certainly not as toxic. While the red flags were a color you couldn’t quite ignore, you were also curious about why they stood out so much more than they did regarding previous employers.

None of this is to say you live under a rock. Anyone who has access to the internet is ambushed daily by these Supes’ personal lives. Homelander’s track record as far as choice in partners went hadn’t been ideal, so you understand that made him less popular at the time. That of course has nothing to do with you or your capabilities.

You opt to wear gray-colored glasses, seeing everything with a neutral blend of black and white. As much as possible anyway.

Nevertheless, curiosity killed the cat. But hopefully not your career.

The first day was awkward to say the least. Immediately, you knew you weren’t going to like your coworkers.

Glints of sympathy changed how they perceived you. A target, whether they intended for this to happen or not, was nailed to your forehead, and it made them buzz around you like avid, greedy wasps keen on seeing how rapidly the honeybee will be brutalized. You didn’t much care for going cross-eyed while staring at that target whenever you crossed paths. They didn’t know you, yet because of who you were working under, deemed you helpless. They didn’t give you a chance to establish yourself before branding you a victim.

Why should you respect them?

Small talk wasn’t entertained either, as their judgment tarnished any future encounters. They ostracized you once you showed no interest in engaging with them. That didn’t disappoint you. You weren’t here to make friends.

You do wonder how those before you fared: if they were jaded when they arrived or if they couldn’t help but succumb to the pressures of being at the top rung of a very unstable albeit sought after ladder.

Ms. Barrett quickly introduced you to Homelander, her parting gift before leaving the two of you alone.

You weren’t completely nervous in his presence. He wasn’t any different to you than the other celebrities you’d worked on, except he could rip you in half like a piece of paper if he was so inclined. But he’s the hero of this country’s story, so really, you should have nothing to worry about.

His demeanor, you noted, suggested arrogance, annoyance, and boredom. All things you’re used to. So you offered your hand to shake, which he eyed with a slightly upturned nose before grabbing, told him it was a pleasure to meet him and got straight to business.

Looking back, he was clearly expecting more out of you. Maybe not a display as excessive as getting on your knees and professing your undying love, but close enough. Somewhere in the middle, perhaps.

Part of you believes he might have also counted on fear. To you, he’s not anything or anyone unknown. Another big name in a fancy suit with impossible demands.

You were given a routine to follow and products to use. You did as you were instructed and found the process to be simple and, as Homelander’s expression revealed, uninspiring.

While you were utilizing a face brush to apply powder, he must have decided he was done enduring your lack of enthusiasm, because he suddenly asked, “What are you wearing?”

You stopped for a split second, no longer than, and continued. “The name of my clothing designer, you mean?”

He scoffed, waving his gloved hand at you, almost knocking the applicator you held to the ground. “No, your perfume. What are the top notes?”

You laughed and that seemed to confuse him. “Why, you want a bottle?”

“I don’t like it.” He sniffed sharply and cleared his throat. “Smells like you should be on the corner selling your used body parts.”

Ding ding ding. Alarm bells and red flags galore. You enjoy a challenge, however, and are a bit of a masochist, so you persevere.

“Well, what doesn’t smell like a cheap hooker to you? I’ll start wearing that instead.”

He cocked a brow, studying you. Trying to figure out if you were being serious or mocking him.

“It’s your first day.” A warning. “Are you on your best behavior, or can you do better?” He leaned forward in his chair, forcing you backward. “You should be working harder to prove yourself. Prove your worth.” He sat back again and shrugged. “Or maybe you really are worth as much as that dumpster juice you doused yourself in.”

At this point, he more than likely envisioned your happy little ass getting offended and storming out of the room. Breaking down, sobbing. Questioning why he was being so rude. One of those or, better yet, a nifty combination.

You’ve heard worse, unfortunately for him. Not always directed at you, but that doesn’t matter. You can handle it.

“You’re absolutely right,” you stated calmly, folding your arms across your chest. He looked at you with pretentious, petulant intrigue. “It is my first day, and I want to make a good impression. Which is why I’m asking you what you would like me to wear so I can continue to keep that good impression intact and, as our professional relationship develops, stay on top of it.”

Homelander’s mouth twitched. He sighed deeply and slouched in his seat, staring at the wall to the left of him. Then he deigned to cast his gaze back at you, resting his cheek on his index and middle finger. He tapped the arm rest with his other hand.

“Ugh, fine. Whatever.” A pause followed that lasted longer than necessary. Were you meant to guess? “Just wear something, I dunno, less. If you would have done your homework like a good little peon, you’d know I have super senses. Highly developed. Can you even imagine what that entails?”

Finally, he freed the canvas you were nearly finished with, and you flicked the soft bristles across the bridge of his nose. You smiled, more to yourself than him.

Felt rather on the nose, as the saying goes.

He didn’t comment on your grin. You didn’t give him time to. But he did huff like you were being obtuse on purpose.

“I can try. And my imagination is giving me some less-than-ideal scenarios,” you replied. Another pause. At least he was letting you do your job again.

You don’t know what compelled you to keep going, but something about his lack of a real answer made you carry on. “Do you have a favorite flower or baked good? Maybe a spice?”

Homelander almost glared up at you. You say almost because, for whatever reason, it didn’t seem like he was directing that harshness at you, though former words and actions proved otherwise. Something inside, perhaps. Or outside of this enclosed space.

“I already told you what to wear. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

You took the hint and remained quiet the rest of your session. Soon, you were done.

As you were packing and tidying up your station, he took it upon himself to stand behind you. He lingered over your shoulder, watching the scene play out like he was director and star and you were barely an ant on the sidewalk he acknowledged before squashing.

The heat radiating off of him was impossible to dismiss, a wall of it barricading your backside. He clasped his fingers underneath his cape and inched closer. You thought he was as close to you as he could get without touching you. He was that warm.

When you glanced up, he was staring at you through the mirror. As absurd as it was, you managed to get chills. Goosebumps broke the surface of your skin.

“Fresh chocolate chip cookies. Straight out of the oven. Like mom used to make.” He flashed an unnerving smile before turning to exit.

From there on out, even after you bent to his will and found a gourmand scent that matched what he described, Homelander tested you. Your work ethic, clothing choice, eating habits, and most of all, patience.

Your parents would ask how you were liking your job, how it was working alongside the Supes- not to mention the most famous of all- and you’d lie through your teeth. You felt you had no choice, Ashley’s threat ringing in your ears.

Resume, bare ass, tossed salad...

Oh yeah, it’s going great! They’re all super flexible. I couldn’t be happier!

At least that pun made you feel a little better about hiding the shame of what you’ve allowed yourself to take on.

This was all in the first few weeks. It started to get a little easier after that, which is surprising considering more was added to your to-do list.

You should have moved on before starting. But, for whatever asinine reason, you didn’t.

Every time you go back to your apartment and assess your appearance in the bathroom mirror, you wonder who’s making who up here. He’s changing your looks more than you are his. You’re like his human doll.

You’ve put up with a lot over the years, but this takes the cake and shoves it in your face. As fucked as it is, the flavor is growing on you. Like a fungus. Growing, nonetheless.

You can’t stop thinking about him.

It’s innocent enough, you try convincing yourself. Making sure you have the right outfit laid out the night before, the right lunch (no onions or fish or anything “freaky”!), etc. He is your superior, after all. You shouldn’t be viewing him in any other light.

He’s the most frustrating aspect of your existence these days, but he’s also the one you’re around the most. His penchant for workplace gossip and how unintentionally funny he is tends to make him palatable, which has regrettably become an understatement.

Months go by. You’ve witnessed how alone he truly is. How he has nothing outside of performing his tricks on Vought’s all-encompassing stage. And when he begins asking for your input, starts doing things for you that are so blatant it’s perplexing, you find your stress and vexation melting into cumbersome fascination.

It’s embarrassing. You don’t have the courtesy of enough time to dwell on your feelings toward the situation either, from beginning to whatever end you might be met with. You suppose that could be beneficial in the long run.

It also hits you when you least expect it; when you really don’t want it to.

Your body doesn’t wait until you finally have a moment alone. It decides, while you’re helping Homelander with his skincare routine that he insisted upon because you know more than these vacuous corporate douche-bags, to heat up without warning and slither from your head to your heart until it grasps you unfairly between your legs.

You try not to step into momentary paralysis. You understand to what extent his powers reach. It’s not like he doesn’t go on and on about them. About himself.

Whatever he notices, it’s not right away. A palpable tension fills the air between the two of you eventually. But it takes a more significant amount of time than you would have anticipated to permeate the natural flow of things.

Fuck, you can’t even be safe inside here, where your thoughts, whatever they may be, are yours. You can’t even have yourself. He has every part of you, and you are willingly relinquishing that control.

Your evening, once you can have it, consists of combing over every decision you’ve made leading up to this strange, disorienting space you find yourself occupying. All it does is leave you exasperated in a much different way than before and with an unsettling observation (or hallucination):

Was that the tail end of the American flag outside your window?

You are unacceptably late.

Rushing around, you throw on the first top and bottoms you see from your closet and spritz some perfume on your neck and wrists. You don’t check your phone. You’re afraid of what will pop up on your screen. And, frankly, you don’t have the time.

Your only option for transportation is the subway, as you’re sure the special vehicle from Vought is long gone. Why would they wait for someone like you, even if you’re practically Homelander’s personal assistant? One of his only friends. You doubt he has more than Black Noir, and that isn’t as perfect as it appears to the casual viewer.

You dread what kind of explosion you’re without a doubt walking into once you show your miserable ass up. You’re going to smell like everyone on this train. He’s going to go ballistic.

The question remains: why are you continuing to put yourself through this? It’s not your circus, yet somehow, the monkeys have become your liability.

You know, deep down, what keeps you going back. It’s simply too ridiculous to admit aloud.

Making your way past security, hurriedly presenting your badge, you realize you forgot to brush your teeth, or at the very least, gargle some mouthwash. You thank your lucky stars when you open your purse to a pack of gum tucked away in one of the compartments.

It will have to do.

When you open the door to Homelander’s dressing room, you see a couple of employees standing near the counter where the bag of supplies has been opened and rifled through, looking like they might soil themselves, a frantic Ashley, and an extremely pissed off Homelander in the middle of it all.

Reflexively, you cringe. You attempt to wipe any trace from your features, but it’s too late. Ashley is glaring daggers at you and Homelander can hardly bring himself to look in your direction. The others don’t matter to you. They never did.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I know there’s no excuse-”

“You’re goddamned right, there’s no excuse! I don’t give a shit if god and his whole fucking choir of angels came down from heaven and divinely called you to give them a makeover! What were you thinking?!”

You’re about to answer, though you comprehend her query is more or less rhetorical. She interrupts your slightly open mouth while gesturing wildly, proving your point.

“Oh, that’s right! You weren’t thinking at all, were you?! But I do believe you’ve thought long and hard about what’s at stake here. And you know damn well we at Vought don’t tolerate this kind of sloppy behavior. Not to mention the way you’re dressed! It’s adding insult to injury!” Her hand swipes at the air, the length of your outfit, and you glance down, recognizing how comically mismatched you are. Her correct observation affects you more than it would have months prior, stinging your ego- one of the many things that’s been shelved in order to accommodate the person who won’t even grace you with a glance.

A dramatic groan cuts short any further commentary from the redhead, perpetually stretched thin between her absurd duties.

“Jesus Christ, Ashley, why are your big fucking horse gums still flapping?” Homelander’s booming voice slices through your mind like a jarring, dense migraine. He pinches his brow between middle finger and thumb, eyes closed. “I want you and Tweedledee and Tweedledum t’get the fuck out. Now.”

Ashley is plainly dumbfounded, struggling to see where she went wrong (a pattern when it comes to dealing with the volatile leader of The Seven), mouth agape. She shakes her head. “But sir, are you-?”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about or doing. Clearly.”

Ms. Barrett turns a shade paler, staring at Homelander and blinking owlishly before snapping herself out of her stupor. She hurries her lackeys out of the room, shooing them along like a pair of misbehaving toddlers. She doesn’t give a final look, no further warning. She merely shuts the door behind her.

You also hear it lock.

What the hell does she think is going to happen?

You should have stopped this while you had the chance. You should have never taken this job. You should have stood up for yourself and walked out. You should have you should have you should-

“Who the fuck do you think you are?”

His caustic tone sends shivers down your spine. It’s unlike anything you’ve heard come out of him. And you’ve heard enough.

Again, you open your mouth. It fills with blood, thick and metallic and more potent than the mint from your gum. You’re silenced by it.

He stalks toward you and grabs you hastily by the shoulders, swiveling you around so you’re face-to-face with the choices you’ve made. Your mirrored image is reflected back at you, exhausted and searching for any last shred of who you might be beneath his heavy palms.

“Look at yourself! Do you even recognize who’s staring back at you?” No.

“What kind of game are you playing, hmmm? Is this… humiliating spectacle you’re putting on for the money? Your pathetic career? Like it’s goddamned rocket science to pick up a can of hairspray and use it. Monkeys have hands.” He makes a noise that’s akin to a snorting horse, exhaling forcefully past his nostrils. “I mean, did you really think you could pull a fast one on me?” He clutches your jaw, squeezing it between middle and thumb. Every muscle in your body tenses, your heart picking up rhythm.

“Spit that fucking gum out. Don’t think I can’t hear you grinding it between your molars like a dumb animal. You aren’t a mama bird, are you? Y’don’t have cute little baby birds t’force-feed your regurgitated leftovers, do you? Eugh, gross.”

You take a deep breath and exhale through your nose. It presents you with a false sense of security. You do as you’re told, and it lands on the floor in front of your shoe, saliva dangling on a thread as withered as your sanity.

Suddenly fresh breath seems like the most insignificant issue, when Homelander himself once made it out to be something earth-shattering.

You’re such a fool.

He leans in and sniffs your throat. Your fingers lengthen and bend.

You’re so many things at once. Confused, angry, nervous, scared. And, to your dismay, warm. God you’re so fucking warm. He’s heating you up from the inside out. You clench your jaw, still held in place by a firm bind.

“Get rid of those ugly clothes. I don’t care what you have to do. I can’t stand the sight or smell of them.”

You shut your eyes. When you open them, all you see is red. The other emotions are smothered in favor of that brand of heat. What happens next is a blur. You temporarily leave yourself.

“Fine. Have it your way, Homelander. You always do.”

Breaking free of his fluctuating hold, you start tearing at what you’re wearing, tossing everything- including your bra and underwear- to the ground. Your shirt winds up with the gum sticking to its loose fabric. You even take your shoes and socks off, not paying any heed to where your belongings go. Just that they’re gone.

You don’t process the glaring fact that you made yourself naked in front of your boss. In front of the most powerful man this country, and possibly world, has known. You don’t care that things have escalated this far. That they shouldn’t have. They shouldn’t have. But guess what? They did. And these are the consequences you both have to deal with.

“You wanna know what game I’m playing?” You turn around, forcing him backward. “It’s funny, I thought you’d be able to answer that for me, considering all the hoops I’ve had to jump through to not only save my ass, but make sure you had someone to talk to at the end of the day! Who on your team can you say goes above and beyond like that for you?!” He blinks at you now, eyes wide. Features fall to the floor where your clothes reside. You have his full and undivided attention.

An impressively dangerous thing to have.

“What more do you want from me, Homelander? I practically live with you without any of the benefits that usually includes! You’re really going to stand here and berate me like I haven’t given you fucking everything you’ve ever asked me for? Because I made one mistake? I gave up my entire world, which I know doesn’t mean shit to you. But it does to me.”

You fold your arms over your chest. Nothing covers it. You have to know before you lose all dignity. So you ask once more, hoping it won’t get lost in this bizarre mess.

“What do you want from me?”

Nothing. He can’t stop staring at you. You aren’t aware enough to be ashamed, but you are aware enough to be upset.

His infuriating silence compels you to bend down and gather what was a barrier between the two of you. You are no longer needed if he can’t do what he does best, which is spout off, leaking bottled words everywhere like a broken faucet. It’s a pretty simple question, you think.

That’s when the glass behind you shatters.

You flinch, pause what you’re doing and slowly stand. Cautious in whatever your next approach will be.

Surveying the aftermath, you’re relieved to find that you’re far enough away from the mirror so no injuries were inflicted.

When you finally lock eyes with the source, you see red. The atmosphere surrounding you heaves like the distended belly of a rotting corpse; hisses like an overflowing tea kettle; pierces you like lightning.

Homelander’s expression is rigid. His jaw quivers. Irises are a bright, shining scarlet. If you try anything rash, you might be next. But, having been around him for so long, you’re more inclined to believe he’s having trouble processing his own emotions. And that might have been one of the only ways to release them.

You drop the top and pants you managed to reclaim. Your brain hasn’t fully recovered from the constant devastating hit it’s taken, so you don’t want to put a name to what’s pushing you forward. You don’t stop until you’re directly in his line of vision.

Swallowing, you carefully extend your hand. The ruby color begins to crumble and give way to the vast ocean you might have drowned in one too many times. You lost track, blocking what you could out. Too real and intimate to accept for a realm that thrives off of inauthenticity and misfortune.

Homelander inhales harshly and you retreat, pupils hooking themselves to his. Searching for any sign you shouldn’t be right where you are.

Of course there are several; unfortunately, you are currently blind to them. Blind to everything but him.

That’s how it’s been for awhile, hasn’t it?

He has a habit of not granting you the luxury of time.

Quickly, he snatches your wrist and brings your palm flat against his cheek. He exhales, eyelids fluttering, nuzzling into you.

It’s so simple, yet it disarms you in ways you aren’t accustomed to.

Homelander basks in this chaste display of affection, and so do you, in awe of how enraptured he appears. Soaking you inside of his pores.

In turn, your cognizance reappears. You nearly topple over, realization infiltrating every part of you.

You’re not wearing a stitch.

A knock at the door startles you both. You glance over in that general direction and hear from the other side, “You’re on in fifteen, Homelander, sir!”

Gazing back up at him, you witness that same fire expand at a rapid rate. You use your other hand to bring him back down to reality, to ground him. It rests against his chest, delving into and cracking his ribs, flaying him open.

What strikes you is how vigorously his heart is beating. How you can feel it through his uniform.

This is how much you affect him. (Can you fathom that you’re only privy to a fraction?) Having evidence of the tiniest reciprocation drains you of any unwanted discomfort.

His fury subsides. You breathe out. He does, too.

“Go sit in your chair. I came here to do my job, after all.” The tenderness with which you speak seems to ease him further, his shoulders deflating with each word.

That aside, you’re playing with a lit match. You’re unsure who’s going to set who ablaze, but you’re willing to go down with this entire building to find out.

He does as he’s told, watching you the whole way like a mutilated mixture of a snarling cornered animal and a man fervently in love. He almost trips into his seat, not an ounce of grace in his gait.

Sacrificing his entire image just to get a glimpse of you.

Whipping his cape to the side, he sinks into the cushion. You get things ready as you typically do, your movements a bit jittery from the adrenaline sending haphazard jolts to your limbs. Despite this, you’re focused. You are more focused than you remember ever being.

You work efficiently, keeping in mind the limit that’s been put on your time.

Homelander bores holes through you. He doesn’t need lasers for that. You’re exposed and vulnerable and he pries what he fostered apart until it’s distinguishable by no one else but him.

You relearn his perfectly manufactured features. Different lights shape shadows you either haven’t seen before or feigned ignorance of. You commit to memory how he looks, smells, feels, the side of your hand grazing his cheek and hanging on.

He’s invigorating, your excitement building to a crescendo you can’t neglect. The heat in your core disperses, most of it congregating low in your belly and behind your expanding rib cage. His pupils drink you in, urgently and violently.

Your arousal is heady. He licks his lips. A hint of a whine caresses your ears and it makes you dizzy.

How could you have ever denied yourself?

You decide to take further control, testing the waters to a greater extent.

It’s your turn to watch him the whole way down. You straddle him, easing yourself atop his taut thighs.

After a few moments of humoring yourself, of pretending to concentrate on your work, dusting his nose with powder, you straighten. Eye contact has not been severed.

You motion toward his hands, balled into tense, repressed fists at his sides.

“Take off your gloves.”

Initially, it feels like maybe you said the wrong thing, or said it the wrong way. He doesn’t budge. You’re patient, however, so you wait like you’ve always done, the warmth from your cunt mingling with the hardness beneath you. Your mouth waters.

At last, Homelander nods and removes his gloves, tugging on the index of each. He places them on the armrests and transfixes himself to you once more.

“Do you want to touch me?” you ask, voice and body staying impossibly still in spite of your nerves.

Immediately, he shakes his head, “Yes,” the first time he’s spoken since your outburst, and without hesitation, reaches for your chest. You close your eyes, falling into his snooping lifts and tugs and squeezes, giving yourself permission to become possessed by the inhibited imaginations of how selfish, how rapacious his touches might be. How smooth his bare hands are, how ardent each digit is.

Leaning into you, he sucks one nipple into his mouth and palms the other, moaning and vibrating against your flesh. He digs his fingers into the pliant softness of your hip, steadying you with disciplined pressure. You squirm, attuned to every minuscule shift.

The lit match is tilted toward you now, swift and stunning. Your fingers release the brush you’ve been holding. It aligns with the slit of the cushion, forgotten and purposeless.

You wrap your digits around the hand on your curves and guide him toward your throbbing center. He doesn’t fight you. Doesn’t stop your movements. Doesn’t scold or challenge you. Instead, he curls his fingers in a way that makes you unabashedly moan, cupping your folds and pinning his thumb to your clit, adapting to your anatomy.

Your wants.

It seems like breaking away from you is a daunting task, but he does for a moment, brow furrowed, more engrossed and invested than you’ve ever witnessed.

“Fuck.” The curse sounds downright edible, your new favorite flavor. Your name tumbles from his lips like he’s been practicing, a sweet, rich icing on top. You gasp, his tongue adhering to you again, swirling around your peak before lightly biting it.

Rocking your hips back and forth, side-to-side, you grind hard into his palm. He strokes you like he’s studied what pace you prefer, how much friction you crave. You’re so wet, even you’re thrown off by it.

Once he’s finished with your chest, he’s back against the seat, unable to peel his gaze from you. Your full, swollen, glistening breasts.

His mouth hangs open, obscene, desperate whimpers slipping from it. Pupils are like whirlpools that drive you under. Drive you mad.

Homelander adeptly slips two, three digits inside your sopping cunt, unrelenting in his intentions to make up for lost time. The voracity of his actions propels you forward, balancing against his chest. He grasps and pulls at your other hip, groaning loudly in your ear, confirming his approval of how close you are to him.

It’s still not enough.

Pulling you even tighter to his blinding sun of a body, he encloses his free arm around you and desperately bucks his waist. “I want… I want… I want…” he chants. Your nails drag up his neck and along his scalp, overwhelmed by his warmth, his scent, him. Your lips ghost the sliver of skin above his collar, making him growl.

You anticipate and dread and yearn for what’s been building for so long. You clench and release, clench and release, clench and release, body chanting with him.

You’re intuitively thankful for the chair’s sturdiness; however, if it would have collapsed, you’re honestly not sure you would have noticed. Or cared.

You hear him come first. Feel the temperature rise temporarily. It’s so sudden and all-consuming that you naturally follow, his name an instinct you can’t help but divulge. You haven’t come down from the turbulent emotions rushing through you earlier, and that combination catapults you over the edge.

Your orgasm draws more deliberate, vehement grunts and sighs of satisfaction from him, as if your pleasure is inexplicably the same or worth more than his.

You can’t crumple into a boneless heap like you want to. You just can’t. You have to look at him. Look at his bliss; the glazed, barren-yet-so-full-of-you expression, of what these months of working in close quarters have done to him.

What you uncover is not what you were picturing. There’s a mixture of that haze with something almost apologetic below the teeming surface. Clouds of red to skies of blue. Destructive in and of themselves.

Sliding his fingers from your wetness, he wraps his lips around each one that was inside of you and spreads them apart. Your slick sticks to his glossy skin and stretches between digits, a generous amount. You whimper at the loss- the emptying, hollow feeling- and watch, mesmerized and delirious as he savors you.

Swallowing you whole, Homelander sweeps his knuckles across the apple of your cheek and presses his lips hard against yours. He wastes no time inhaling your gasps and moans, licking your mouth and the faint taste of mint, stealing it from you. You ingest what you can of him as well, exploring what was open to you longer than you realized.

He then seizes your wrists. It’s a rough gesture that evaporates into gentle circles along your pulse points. Still, you know you’re going to bruise where he turned the key and locked you into place: wherever he is.

A visible sheen coats his lips.

“I want you to tell me I’m good. Great. The best.”

His breathing is labored. So is yours.

He kisses the inside of the wrist smeared with perfume, your fluids, his saliva; ends with your hand and rests his cheek against the slope of it.

“I want you to be mine. All mine. Mine alone.”

You’re shaking. He moves forward and pets your hair, twirls it; grabs your nape and holds his thumb to the front of your throat. Securing you. Keeping you there.

“You have to stay. Be mine and stay.”

You thrum with an ache he forced upon you. He’ll claim you were starving and he was the only one who could satiate.

You nod. You were never going to leave to begin with.

Homelander made you his. And you thanked him for it.

[buckevantommy]

tommy being attentive af when buck gets in factoid mode is soooo special to me. adhd boy is excited to learn! but also to share what he's learned - and with the people he cares about or is getting to know, it's a way of letting himself be known and to (hopefully) connect with them in a fun way; it's like a test, seeing who not only acknowledges buck's fun facts but responds to them and moreover engages in conversation about them. buck deserves a partner who's interested in what he has to say (even if they're not as enthralled by the fun facts themselves they're still actively listening to buck ramble bc they want to know him and spend time with him but they also find it endearing af). tommy pays attention, he engages, he's interested, he's so fond of the way buck's mind works and smitten with the way he lights up when he's sharing and responding to being heard. with tommy, buck feels seen and he feels like he can just be his earnest self - fun facts included - and his company will be enough.

[fsfghgee]

Sektor and Sub-Zero's relationship in MK1 Part 3. What Can We Conclude So Far?

Someone asked me what I thought of the Sektor trailer the day it came out, and since the Sektor trailer revealed a little more than we already knew about her affection for Bi-Han, I decided to do a third breakdown on it.

To begin with, I don't believe that Sektor is being manipulated, is obeying out of duty, has been brainwashed by Bi-Han, sees Bi-Han as a father and so on.

I don't believe in these theories.

Sektor is doing everything because she wants to, because it suits her purposes. And most likely, she is the real mastermind behind the entire Lin Kuei evolution process. And no, I don't think she's manipulating Bi-Han. She is simply guiding him to achieve the dreams he shared with her (as stated in her own bio). Like, they are partners.

According to her bio — which basically serves to help you understand the character's motivations and what led them to engage in mortal kombat — Sektor is Bi-Han's kindred spirit.

As I've stated in other posts, a kindred spirit means this:

"Kindred spirits are like-minded and like-souled people with whom an instant connection of love and understanding is mutually experienced," clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., tells mbg. "The connection is inimitable and often defies verbal description."

People who share common interests, values, or worldviews might be described as kindred spirits. "In more spiritual words, we could say that they resonate at the same frequency, and there is matching energy between them," Katherine Bihlmeier, a relationship coach specializing in energy work, tells mbg.

And this is the AI's answer:

"Sense a kindred spirit" means to recognize someone as having similar interests, opinions, or feelings to you. For example, you might say "He sensed a kindred spirit and reached out to her".

Some other signs that you've found a kindred spirit include:

Common interests: You may share the same hobbies, opinions, or values.

Immediate connection: You tend to recognize each other quickly and form an immediate connection.

Strong bond: Kindred spirits tend to form strong bonds with each other that often transcend time and distance.

The earliest known use of the noun "kindred spirit" is in the early 1700s, in the writing of Isaac Watts, an Independent minister and writer.

The meaning is broad and can be applied to any type of intimate relationship where those involved have a strong (and unbreakable) bond and share common interests (without judgment, both understand and respect each other). We already know that Sektor is not related to Bi-Han (Sektor's mother is Madam Bo, a former Lin Kuei warrior leader, and her father is a respected retired Lin Kuei master armorer. While Bi-Han's mother was an excellent fighter who died a long time ago, and Bi-Han's father is the deceased Grandmaster), which leaves it to an intimate connection that arose based on a friendship (remembering that kindred spirit also implies that it was an instant connection, so it's unlikely that they have been friends since childhood) or a romantic relationship.

Before Sektor's bio was revealed, I was inclined to believe it was just a friendship based on common interests, but since nrs usually uses "kindred spirit" as a kind of love term…

And Bi-Han as a pround (no one bests a Lin Kuei ~Subzero mk1) and lonely leader of an ancient warrior clan (a real clan, a group of close-knit and interrelated families. They grow the clan by having children among themselves, not by kidnapping children from the streets as in previous timelines) who made Sektor (previously just a master armorer and a skilled warrior) his second in command (even before his brother Kuai Liang and his adopted brother Tomas abandoned him, as Kuai Liang himself subtly says in the story mode…

Like, why would the daughter of a master armorer and her apprentice be a major impediment to the second and third in line of succession? We already know why. Because Bi-Han made Sektor his lieutenant as soon as he took over as Grandmaster and Cyrax for being associated with both (Bi-Han, the grandmaster who believed in her and she trusted him, and Sektor her commander and ruthless instructor) ended up becoming a sort of third in command of the Lin Kuei.

), I'm inclined to believe in the second hypothesis.

She sounds really close to him…

She doesn't even call him Grandmaster…

Even though she respects him as Grandmaster.

She'll rescue him and humiliate herself so that Liu Kang can restore him (she may not get on her knees, but just the fact that she asks Liu Kang to restore him, knowing that she shares Bi-Han's contempt for Liu Kang, I'm sure that resorting to Liu Kang was humiliating for her)

Since the Sub-Zero ending, we already know that Bi-Han admires her a lot and shares everything with her…

She's more than the second in command of the Lin Kuei. Much more…

What are the real chances of there being nothing more than friendship? I mean…

I wish I had a friend like that!

Let's be real, Sektor is his ride-or-die girl.

[artbyblastweave]

As a game mechanic, Karma was disadvantageous because it injected obtrusive level of awareness of authorial intent into every situation that raised or lowered your Karma (and in doing so frequently demonstrated deranged moral reasoning in how the points are allocated.) In New Vegas specifically, though, I found Karma advantageous in conjunction with the reputation system, because it tracks your character’s long-term behavior on an axis that the reputation system isn’t measuring. “Principled Person Despised by Authority” and “Omnimalevolent Weasel with A Great Eye For PR” are both well-worn archetypes that a dual Karma/Reputation system is able to model to some extent. It also provides another fun axis on which to engage with your companions- Boone leaves you if you piss off the NCR, Veronica leaves if you piss off the Brotherhood, but Cass leaves if you're just generally, generically a shithead- which is an incomplete venn diagram with those other two, and the contrast can serve as an interesting characterization vehicle IMO.

There are ways in which the affinity system in Fallout 4 was a step forward, primarily in how it lanced the obtrusive authorial judgements and more-or-less coherently tied it into the values of whichever companion you're currently travelling with. It also smoothly got around one failure mode of New Vegas- the incredibly specific, poorly telegraphed and thus frequently inorganic sequence in which you had to bring followers to places in order to trigger their affinity points. However, I've always had the vibe that the intended dynamic for Fallout 4 was that you'd pick and stick with a companion that would mesh with your intended playstyle- but I get the impression that what happens in practice is that players instead alter their playstyle for as long as it takes to juice up each companion's affinity meter, which can result in some pretty wild behavioral swings that you have to put some legwork into justifying from a roleplay perspective. And this compounds with the fact that the game isn't really tracking much else about who you are as a person. Your special stats are way less rigid. Nuanced faction reputation is out the window because factions themselves are sort of sidelined as a relevant mechanic outside the big four, and with the big four it's kinda all-or-nothing as to whether you're in their good books. Side quests tend to be fairly siloed in their impact, and Karma's gone. My decision to open fire on a population center, or lack thereof, feels more acknowledged in New Vegas than in 4. I guess If I were made Fallout Czar I'd probably do a tripartite system- Companion Affinity AND the New Vegas 4x4 faction reputation system AND some re-implementation of Karma, or some analogous system of tracking in which direction you break when asked to make a decision. Deontological vs. Utilitarian. Authoritarian vs Libertarian. Practical vs. Sadistic. Track everything. Break out the quadrants. Make the engine weep blood

[historicity-was-already-taken]

hi! hope you're doing okay—I've got a holocaust-history-in-media question for you. I was talking to my brother the other day, and he mentioned how his 10-year-old son tried out "Anne Frank mode" on the meta VR headset. I was kind of horrified, because that sounds deeply exploitative and disrespectful—but he went on to say it's just a VR version of the Anne Frank house, and that it let my nephew explore history in a new way. He was able to touch things and move them around in a way he wouldn't be able to IRL, not to mention the accessibility of not having to travel.

My nephew's kind of an unusual kid, and he chose this "game" while at a friend's house. All the other kids got bored and left pretty much immediately, but he stayed to learn, and my brother says that at the end his takeaway was, "It's so sad. It's so sad and awful what human beings do to each other."

Part of me is just like "No, absolutely not, that is not for VR companies to profit off of in any way, this feels inherently exploitative." But idk. If it increases accessibility and education in a meaningful way, then perhaps that disquiet is simply reactionary.

Then I remembered I have access to an actual Holocaust historian, someone who even specializes in women's narratives and the media portrayals of same.

So, no worries if you're busy/don't have time to respond to this, but I thought it might be an interesting question for you. Do you think the VR Anne Frank house is a good thing?

Ooooooh this is an interesting one. It's also a question that I think I would have answered differently a few years ago. I mean, I've posted here about my issues with central role Anne Frank has been accorded within Holocaust memory, I've posted about the politics of people playing Pokemon Go at sites of atrocities and disasters...

But. Technology changes SO quickly. I read this fantastic article probably 10+ years ago now about how the millennial generation began to express collective nostalgia SO quickly and so young, because technology and the norms it introduces change so quickly. I'm 34 and while that's hardly ancient, the technological world inhabited by children and adolescents is effectively alien to me because of this massive, rapid, ongoing change.

Moreover, I think the pandemic gave us all an...unwanted but helpful bootcamp in what works wrt education over the phone/computer, and what doesn't. In my personal and professional life, I've met and spoken with STEM companies/individuals who specialize in working with museums, historical societies, etc. And they're not just in it to make a buck--they're there to work with museums etc in increasing access and keeping up with educational trends because they know it's important and smart people value STEAM education.

So, despite my acknowledged concerns issued in the first paragraph, and the kneejerk negative reaction I think you and I share, I think my conclusion is that this is a good thing. Like, as a Holocaust historian, pubic historian, educator, and now a Hebrew School teacher of 7-11 year olds, I think whatever gets kids interested and engaged is Good; whatever draws them and gets them thinking about it is Good; even if the tech and infrastructure involved is something that I previously took (philosophical) issue with.

This doesn't mean I don't still have concerns about the centrality of Anne Frank, but let's be real: I lost that battle a long time ago. I've said my piece, and if Anne Frank is going to be kids' gateway into learning about the Holocaust, I'm glad to see that it's being done responsibly, well, and in keeping with how kids engage with education and tech in 2024.

There are, obviously, many theoretical conversations to be had about the implications of this kind of thing, and I hope a grad student applies like, Walter Benjamin to it for a first year paper, but this is my answer purely in terms of access and education.

[villainsposting]

On Tarn and His Mask

I think it's interesting that Tarn, despite being the leader of the DJD, sticks out in how comparatively ordinary he is in appearance. All the other members have in-built physical quirks that set them apart from your usual Cybertronian, be it a massive blender in their midsection, empty eye sockets, a detachable face or a smelting pot alt-mode. Tarn opted out of any such features even though he was fully re-engineered from his post-Empurata frame at some point. All Tarn really has going for him is the (cool) mask, but beneath that, he is just your regular Cybertronian.

Furthermore, Tarn holds much more fervor for the Decepticon cause than his team members, and he even claims to not enjoy the torture they enact as much as the others do, choosing to look away from it at opportune moments. He even claims that hiding his closed eyes whenever he chooses to turn away from the torture is the purpose of the mask, of which I am doubtful, but it's certainly a fascinating visual for a character's distaste towards their own actions to be hidden behind a cover shaped like their faction's insignia. Either way, in his eyes, he is doing something necessary for the Decepticon cause, not just engaging in gratuitous violence.

To me, his appearance and the way it differs from his team has a strong relation to his backstory. Although Tarn is an outlier and a powerful figure in the Decepticon faction, he was still once a regular mech, a greatly underprivileged mech, even. His turn towards the Decepticon cause is framed as something drastic, something that was exceptionally unlikely for a mech like him, yet under Megatron's guidance, he became the worst of the faction.

In this way, his design, specifically his mask being his most distinguishing characteristic, is emblematic of the corrupting force of Megatron and the Decepticon cause. Outwardly, not much about him suggests his penchant for violence extreme even by Decepticon standards (let's ignore the menacing black-purple color scheme he ain't special in that). Even the special power he uses to kill was once used to save. It's the Decepticon cause and Megatron, symbolized by the mask he wears, that made him the cruel sadist that he is.

[sneeb-canons]

heart is the lowest-empathy of the bunch. he gets caught up in his own emotions, no time for anyone else's. if someone else is upset when it's happy, it'll be annoyed at them. if someone else is happy when it's upset, it'll... also be annoyed at them. it's an involuntary response, sometimes he feels bad about it later. usually he doesn't. whether or not he acts on it depends on how pissedoff he is

mind is the highest-empathy, by some counts; she is the most capable of properly understanding others' feelings, but what she decides to do with that information varies. they generally (try to) remain composed, of course.

soul doesn't know what an empathy is. has considered herself low empathy in tthe past due to not really reacting to others pain with much more than 'uhm. Awkward!!..." but also cannot bring himself to kill an ant in his shower because it Feels Bad despite threatining the other two's lives as, yknow, a major point of the loop so?? who even the fuck knows. Not them certainly (just like me fr)

theyre all also alexythemic as shit. they rarely know how they feel unless the emotion is very powerful and even then it's basically either 'Good' or 'Bad' with little recognition for nuanced tones--with the exception of anger, which they feel clearly and distinctly.

that even applies to heart, of course! must suck being an incredibly emotionally driven person who cannot distinguish their emotions (minus anger and spite, of course) to save their life. not like i would have any experience with it. haha. slowly turns to the camera

On a slightly lighter note, uhh

i have a special interest in rain world so. they all get to be rw fans. yayayayay.

[rain world spoilers from here on out LOL sorry.brainrotting]

mind mains spearmaster, and has probably actually speedrun their campaign once or twice. big into movement tech. once wanted to make her own region mod but couldn't come up with any interesting ideas and eventually gave up. sees themself in five pebbles in a 'recognition of the self in the other (derogatory)' way, but would never admit to it.

heart mains artificer. has claimed to relate to them, mind told him that this is what some might call a 'red flag'. has several really cool region mod ideas but no lediting skills, alas. a lore guy more than a tech guy. despite not knowing much in the way of movement, is a force to be reckoned with in arena mode. also relates to pebbles, but in a slightly different way

soul mains rivulet (gotta go fast!) and genuinely cried when getting their ending with moon. tends to prefer vanilla to downpour, but has an attachment to each individual downpour campaign (it's complicated). ascension supporter. out of all of them, i think soul is the most likely to actually engage with the fandom. saint kinnie, because of fucking course they are /silly

Headcanon #602

[ladyofrosefire]

I’m trying to figure out what the hell the deal is with Bg3 and kink, and I think that, while it is much less precious about sex and sexuality than a lot of things are, it does fall into some of the same traps in a way that… well, it irks me. Disclaimer that while I did do some poking around, there are some romance scenes I have not seen. I’ll run through the ones I know about for those of you who haven’t picked up a brain bug about this. 

Wyll gets nothing. This is a separate post that other people have made better than I have. 

Shadowheart’s romance scene in Act 3 runs one of two ways— either you go for a swim with her, she gets poked by a rock, and you pause while she gets rid of the offending object, or you do the Nightfall Feast, where you get pushed to the ground, she tells you to stop being so gentle, and the whole thing is framed as an “act of wickedness” in parallel to you having just dumped the Nightsong’s blood on a statue of Selune. You have literal blood on your hands during this scene. 

Karlach pegs you in Act 3. I, personally, do not count this as being particularly kinky. The whole concept of measuring kink is a little silly, in my humble opinion, but it seems strange to say penetration gets kinkier when it’s not a flesh-and-blood penis. (If you have sex with her in Act 2, it is kinkless.)

Gale’s got his whole astral projection thing going, which brings us solidly into kink territory. Tav mostly hangs out. We’ll circle back to this. There is also a non-illusory version, but it is exclusively fade-to-black. 

Astarion does a whole seduction act in Act 1, which leads to a short and honestly quite tame (although fun!) scene. Act 3, you either get the spawn ending where you have sex on his grave (he pushes you down, and it is later flagged as ‘had sex as equals’), or you get the ascension and the whole “on your knees” bit. 

Lae’zel very explicitly talks in terms of obedience and dominance and submission, and you can tell her to submit to you. We will also circle back to this scene. In act 2, you beat the crap out of each other, and either you get the option to say, “you are mine,” or you lose, and you get, “I am yours” after she also says she doesn’t want to hurt you.

Halsin has the bear scene. Or he tries very hard not to turn into a bear. Tav is once again mostly hanging out. There was a dev note at one point saying Tav was meant to hold onto his head while he went down on them, but that does not happen in this scene. 

Minthara shows Tav exactly where to put their hands and mouth. Repeatedly. At length. There is no option to take control of the scene. 

A pattern emerges from these scenes fairly quickly: if Tav is active, they are either actively submitting (i.e., the Minthara scene) or engaging without power exchange (Shadowheart, Karlach, Astarion’s act 1 and spawn scenes). Gale’s scene is a special case since he’s controlling the illusion, but Larian could have decided Tav was allowed to imagine themself with a few extra limbs. They probably chose not to do this to spare the poor animators. However, with the rest of the pattern, it still makes me raise an eyebrow. The Halsin scene, to me, is especially egregious as you do precisely fuck-all. At multiple times, you get very clear camera angles of Tav’s completely relaxed hands that give the distinct impression that Tav is in full pillow princess mode. 

You will also note kink and morality seem to have an… interesting relationship. Explicit powerplay occurs with Lae’zel in Act 1 (she is still solidly in the mindset inspired by Vlaakith and is arguably evil-aligned at this point), Minthara (you get this scene by slaughtering the grove), and Ascended Astarion (you just killed 7,000 people and he thinks you’re, and I quote, “degrading yourself”). You also get a hint of this in the contrast between Shadowheart’s Selunite Swim and the Nightfall Feast. This feels related to why when you try to flip the script on Lae’zel, you use an intimidation check rather than persuasion or performance. This could be explained by saying that Larian has decided that orders are best represented by intimidation, even in a romantic context, but most of the intimidation checks we get are open threats, often of physical violence. I’m not entirely sure how much Lae’zel drops her powerplay as she becomes a kinder person. I’d love to hear from people who have done more of her romance than I have. 

Abdirak is a torturer serving an evil goddess. He gets the player’s consent and is reasonably sweet to them if they obtain his goddess’s blessing. There are even two seconds of aftercare! His actual purpose, however, is to torture the man next door, and the two companions who cheer him on are Astarion and Shadowheart, both of whom are having some struggles with morality at this point in the game. 

And then there’s the Drow twins— and specifically Sorn. If someone other than Tav approaches him, he says you need a “rear of cast-iron” to take what he dishes out. His ambient dialogue talks about scaring off clients who were paying him to apply a clamping device to something delicate. But if you see him alone, your options are roleplay, sensation play, or size kink. I did say I wouldn’t try to measure kink, but it feels like false advertising. (You can wrestle him in the Drizzt Do’urden roleplay scenario. It is an ability check. This raises questions for me about how this was negotiated, but it’s not a deal breaker.) Where’s the sadism promised in his ambient dialogue? Some characters just aren’t subs, that’s fine, but this is about patterns, not individual characters. 

I should pause here to say that the only thing in the above with which I have an actual issue on an individual level is Tav being so limp in the Halsin scene. It would be nice if Tav touched back in a way more significant than holding onto his arms a bit and laying a limp hand on his thigh if he stays elf shaped. This is not a moral complaint— it’s aesthetic. Frankly, none of this is saying Larian has done anything immoral.

However. I’m a little frustrated, as someone who does not have a submissive bone in my body, that all but one romance scene in this game is designed for a submissive Tav or a Tav who does not want powerplay. It’s not uncommon to find people who are okay with impact play if you don’t want to hit, CNC if you don’t want to be the faux-aggressor, ageplay or petplay if you don’t want to be the adult/owner. This is not a kink-positive stance or even kink-neutral. I should also note here that I do not judge any of the characters mentioned, not even Abdirak, for their interest in consensual kink. If I judge them, it’s for unrelated reasons. Or reasons that should be unrelated but often don’t feel like it, as it seems like Larian has set them up to be interested in powerplay and sadism because of their less-than-decent moral leanings. Abdirak wants to whip Tav because he’s a follower of the Lady of Pain. Ascended Astarion isn’t playing when he tells Tav he wants to own them, body, mind, and soul, and there’s no safewording out of every other interaction after that. Shadowheart tells you to stop being gentle because she has become a Dark Justiciar. Lae’zel stops wanting to hurt Tav— and you consent to the fight— because she’s learning about care and softness. I don’t think she stops being kinky, but there are patterns, and patterns that extend beyond the boundaries of the game. 

Frankly, I’m not sure what sort of conclusion I’m aiming for here. There are patterns in Larian’s approach to sex, power, and pain that indicate some very familiar hangups. It would be nice if there were more room for a dominant Tav, not even with every character, but with a few of them. Some people don’t sub. Some characters don’t sub. It makes sense. But I’ll be rotating this further. And writing fic. To anyone else who likes writing a dominant Tav: hi! Keep doing what you’re doing!

I wouldn’t be posting this if I didn’t want to hear other people’s thoughts, but quick disclaimer: I will block anyone who comes onto this post to talk about how great the vampire ascendant is. It’s not personal. I simply would blacklist anything to do with that if I could, and the way the tag’s been going, I can’t. You saw the tags on this, and you clicked anyway. Similarly, if you’re going to throw a shitfit about how no one should like whipping a consenting partner, don’t waste your breath. You get the picture. 

[romance-of-three-memes]

Everyone nowadays talk about Fire Emblem Three Houses like it's the defining entry of the series and a lot of people act like it's the best thing that's ever happen to it but honestly? If you're trying to get into Fire Emblem as a series it's one of the worst places to start. It deviates a lot from the gameplay of other entries and that's fine, even if I'm kind of sick of the super specialized school taking over video games after it got super popular in anime last decade.

I mean, I love Three Houses (yes, it does take a lot of inspiration from Romance of the Three Kingdoms and yes, the faction that's the most like Wu is my favorite, but I swear that's coincidence because I wasn't even thinking about that when I first played it). But it's a terrible place to start, especially since I've seen a lot of people only play Three Houses and show no interest in playing anything else in the series, which yes, is also fine, I hate weird video game elitists and the Fire Emblem fandom can be one of the worst I've ever seen in that regard, what I mean is that a lot of new fans seem to go 'neat that was fun, I'm satisfied :)' instead of 'yeah I want more of this!' when their only exposure is Three Houses.

Anyway I have three recommendations on where to start, it's a series with seventeen main entries and who knows how many spin-offs so that can be pretty intimidating to newcomers, but most of them are one-off settings, like each game introduces a new world and new characters so you don't have to worry about playing most of them in order. All three of the games I'm mentioning are one-offs.

It kind of depends on what you're looking for most. Do you want something you can easily access on a modern console and is a much better representation of the series' gameplay and difficulty than Three Houses or my other suggestions (there's a lot of variance in that)? Then honestly, Engage is the place to go. People love to shit talk Engage and they did it before the game even released because of Intsys' lackluster marketing, and it was released right after Three Houses, people were always going to be extremely harsh on its direct predecessor. Hell, I wasn't even sure about it and put it off for a month or so when it came out, but now that I've played it I love it a lot. Lol sometimes I think I like it better than Three Houses. Also your player avatar can marry everyone regardless of gender, something which is brand new in a series that's had marriage mechanics for a good while now. Back in MY DAY if we wanted that we had to install MODS or settle for a small handful of characters, if even that, Awakening didn't have any of that despite literally no one in that army being straight (no, not even Virion, who multiple people on this website have picked fights with me about).

Anyway if you want something that's nowadays a little harder to access but is still pretty modern, and if you want a fairly easy entry into the series in terms of gameplay difficulty, I suggest Awakening, which is my personal favorite in the whole series (even if in retrospect it's hilariously busted in terms of game mechanics and it's Cisheteronormativity on Steroids, but don't worry, we have very extensive mods for that and they're easier to install than ever!)

I haven't quite finished Sacred Stones yet but I also think it would be a good place to start if you want something pretty straight-forward and retro and you think you can handle getting emulators to work, because a lot of legit physical copies of older Fire Emblem games are insanely expensive. Like +$200 USD expensive. This game is also similar to other older titles in that it lacks a player avatar (which most modern titles have) as well as casual mode, which is an option you can choose where if a playable character falls in battle, they'll be usable in the next battle. They'll never die unless it's scripted in the game's plot. In 'classic mode', which is all you have in most older FE games, once a character's HP hits 0, they're gone for good. You can't use them anymore because they literally die. I mean... You CAN just 'save scum', that's what most of us do, but still. There's been so much elitist griping about casual mode vs classic mode over the years but it's died down a lot from at its peak when Awakening was the newest entry, Christ people would NOT stop bitching about Awakening having casual mode, or just about Awakening in general, despite the fact that it literally saved the series, helped make it one of Nintendo's 'bigger' IPs in the west, and is the only reason we have everything that came after that. So there you go.

[open-hearth-rpg]

Escalation Die: Great RPG Mechanics #RPGMechanics Week Ten (finale)

I’ve talked about a lot of big scale mechanics on these lists: sub-systems and frameworks which have impacted play. But it's interesting to consider how small, discrete mechanics can drastically change the feel of certain modes of play. The Links mechanics from Girl By Moonlight comes close to this, but it has several stages and parts. 13th Age’s Escalation Die is a tight rule that reshapes combats. It may have appeared earlier than 13th Age, but that’s where I encountered it first. 

The escalation die works simply. After the first round of a combat, the GM sets a d6– often the largest one they have at a “1”. All players now add +1 to their attack rolls. Each following turn, the GM clicks this up by another one, up to a maximum value of “6”. This shifts the combat dynamic hugely but without being too obvious. As the combat rolls forward, the odds of a character landing a blow increases slowly and incrementally. 

This obviously affects player engagement over time. The longer a fight goes on, the more likely a player will be able to land that decisive blow. In practical terms it works to accelerate things. But it also helps reduce players' frustration over bad rolls early in the combat. I’ve played a lot of d20 games where the flatness of the resolution has meant that things stretch on– each round the same without changes. With the escalation die, even if you’re still missing, something about the complexion of the conflict changes each time you go. If you’re still whiffing by the time the die gets to “6”, that’s a story in and of itself. 

But the mechanic offers a host of additional, sometimes subtle benefits. First, it’s an obvious clock. You know how long the fight has gone on and can use that as a gauge of threat and success. On the one side, the players know they’ve been at this a while– or can tell they’ve done a great job if they end things before the escalation die gets too high. On the other side, the GM can see how well they’ve built the combat– if the PCs are cutting through or always desperately fighting forever. It exists as a constant and clear yardstick. 

Second, it impacts the design of monster fights. You can make the foes feel tougher right out of the gate. The players ought to struggle in the first couple of rounds but then begin to gather their strength and fight back against the odds. It naturally builds an arc into any combat. I didn’t realize how impactful that would be until I’d run 13th Age quite a bit. 

Third, it provides a minor risk/reward choice for the players. Do they fire off a once-per-combat attack early on or do they wait for a moment when that strike has a better chance of landing? That’s a small factor and one which enters into player calculations without making the resolution process any harder. 

Of course once you have this piece of game tech operating, the system can add in some additional wrinkles and options. Some powerful monsters can use the escalation die themselves; a few can negate the use of the escalation die against them. Monster special powers can be triggered off of the state of the escalation die: happening on odd/even turns or when the die has reached X level. The GM has another power detail to make their encounters more varied. 

On the player side, their abilities can be tied to this as well. Some powers get stronger the higher the escalation die is. The most common one is an Elvish ancestry feat. At the start of a round, that player rolls a d4 and if the result is equal or below the escalation die, they may take an additional standard action. After the first time they succeed with this, the die goes up a step. The Commander class has several talents and feats interacting with the escalation die. One increases the escalation die the first time the GM rolls a critical against the party. That echoes the escalation die’s intent to represent the rising stakes of a fight. 

I’ll be honest when I first played 13th Age, I thought the escalation die was a cute, throwaway gimmick. The GM didn’t emphasize it. But over time and play, I began to see just how impactful it could be. It’s such a simple thing– but one you can really lean into. For our home group, I bought a massive foam d6 and put that on a stand. It creates a super-clear visualization of how the fight’s playing out. 

Importantly when I don’t have the escalation die present in a d20 game I notice it. Playing Godbound or similar systems, I feel the absence. Even if we’re narrating our misses– giving them color and texture– there’s still a bad feeling if you keep burning your turn hopelessly with wasted blows. The escalation die begins to counteract that. The incremental increase offers hope that the next round might be better than this one. When I’ve added that mechanic into play for d20 or OSR games, it has definitely increased the enjoyment of big fights.  

[fudan-no-nijiiro]

UtaPri and Neurodivergent Headcanons: Yamato Hyuga

This might become a series at some point, because I think it's really interesting.

That said, I want to start out with a few disclaimers:

I am not an expert in psychology.

No identity category is a monolith. That holds especially true for neurodiverse folks; it is a huge and incredibly varied umbrella.

No UtaPri characters, to my knowledge, have a canonical formal medical diagnosis.

UtaPri is a Japanese franchise, and I am not Japanese. All sorts of intercultural misunderstandings may come into play, here.

It is entirely possible that others will find some or all of UtaPri's representations of neurodivergence and/or mental illness unimpressive, inaccurate, and/or upsetting; these are just my opinions as one fan. I'm truly just here to have a good time, and I'm also fully open to disagreements with my perspective or analysis.

That said, let's move on to Yamato!

Yamato Hyuuga and ADHD (+ possible dyslexia/other learning disabilities)

Yamato shows an impressively wide range of traits common among people with ADHD. In no particular order, there's:

Physical movement as self-regulation: Yamato regularly walks around on his hands, goes out running, and generally finds ways to move his body when given half a chance. He often flips onto his hands in the anime, and mentions fitting in runs whenever he can in Live Emotion.

Special interest in exercise: Yamato regularly tries to share what he knows with his peers, both as a way to bond with them and to help improve their fitness. According to the audio dramas, he goes training with Eiji to help him build his confidence; according to Live Emotion, he keeps up on different brands of protein powder. The first chapters of the "private stories" in Live Emotion involve instructing The Player/Haruka in the finer points of sportsware. In fairness, UtaPri tends to define its boys by their hobbies, but even given that, Yamato jumps more directly into a "teaching" mode than most of the other characters.

Struggles with sudden, intense emotions: Yamato's mood changes rapidly in a way he struggles to control, but he also returns to baseline more quickly than most people would. Anyone who's seen his episodes in the anime will have an idea of what I'm talking about here—his explosions towards Syo, which (deservedly) did little to endear him to the fandom, are the main thing I'm thinking of here. There's already been a reference to this in the early chapters in the main story: Yamato's mood is ruined in a split second by Cecil bringing up his brother, though he manages to hide the depth of the problem and not explode this time. There are a lot of possible alternative explanations for this too, in fairness, such as PTSD; more information about what happened with his brother would help to make things clearer. But emotional volatility is also a trait associated with ADHD in some cases.

Struggles with studying/mental labor: One of the main story chapters in Live Emotion involves Yamato struggling with ideas for lyrics, and the way that he tries to apply himself, rapidly gets frustrated, gives up, leaves, and then gets his idea (by engaging in his special interest!) really stood out to me as a relatable ADHD moment. In the Maji Love Kingdom audio drama, he goes out of his way to attempt to hide these difficulties in this area by insisting on working alone, which shows that this is a struggle he's all too aware of.

This struggle hints at possible comorbid learning disabilities—most likely dyslexia, though there are other potential explanations. A few details in support of this:

Trouble with reading: One of the repeated dialogues in Live Emotion, as well as a detail in at least one of the audio dramas, involves that there are a lot of kanji Yamato has trouble reading. (Bonus fun fact: Japanese dyslexia and English dyslexia are at least partially separate conditions! Some folks have one and not the other, independent of their first language. It's wild, but also given how different the writing systems are, it also makes sense. Yamato is shown sounding out words in English in Live Emotion, which I thought was a great moment, but either way it's unclear whether he experiences different levels of difficulty in Japanese and English.)

Trouble with writing: In the Maji Love Kingdom drama, Yamato is shown struggling with composition (coming up with what to write), and vocabulary (he ends up needing a lot of help from a dictionary and his unit partners to come up with his lyrics. Tokiya and Cecil were such a good team to help him with this!! "Kaleidoscope" was awesome for many reasons).

In addition, the franchise's commitment to the bit regarding Yamato's handwriting is impressive as well. Here's one of his birthday messages, for instance:

I thought at first that it was just because my Japanese wasn't great that I was struggling to read his writing, but I've also seen Japanese fans on social media scratching their heads over parts of his writing in the past. Not only that, his handwriting has been mentioned in canon (mainly HEAVENS Radio, if I'm remembering right?), with Nagi in particular complaining that his writing is often indecipherable.

There is no way to be sure, but to me, this combination of traits reads as an intentional depiction of ADHD and/or learning disabilities by at least some of the writers or character designers, even if it has not been named as such explicitly by the franchise (which, to my knowledge, it hasn't).

However, more than any particular character details, the overall arcs Yamato is involved in, and in particular the thoughtful way in which they're structured, that I find most meaningful. Yamato often says things that are openly brash, antagonistic, and/or unintentionally harsh to the people around him. However, the stories he's in follow through on this beyond the initial interaction: we find out afterwards why he's behaving this way (in the sense of his motivations, his struggles that were not visible at first, and so on). Then we get to see him reflect, either by himself or with the help of his teammates, and understand what went wrong. And finally, he often has a chance to revisit the situation with people he's clashed with, and find a more constructive resolution together with them.

I myself have been diagnosed with ADHD, although in my case, it's mostly inattentive type, and I mask it pretty effectively in my daily life. Still, I have a few of these traits: I can instruct others endlessly on my special interests, I get sudden flashes of temper, and I get easily frustrated by "simple" things in a way that can be difficult for others to understand or empathize with. These traits are ones I often feel guilt and shame about.

Yamato's strong personality is often on display for all to see, and it would be easy to turn him into a caricature or even just a villain. But instead, we get insights into his perspective, see him grow and overcome difficulties, and are shown time and again that he cares about the people around him and wants to learn to work with them better. Yamato makes me feel more confident in myself: however different I am from the people around me, and whatever mistakes I make, if I can stay brave and open-hearted, I can keep learning to be better than I was before.

[ghostsghoulsandhatboxes]

hattie box head canons go

died at 37 due to decapitation (duh), he looks older than he is due to stress in life and postmortem decomposition

mortal name was horace hatford, but he exclusively goes by hatty/hatbox (or simply h. hatford) now

ezra's younger brother, their parents had a habit of jokingly picking on hatty a lot which did not help his self esteem issues

autism creature. sensitive to loud noises especially

hes just. he has a lot of mental issues. depression and social anxiety king

selectively mute, mostly just laughs. even if youre a good friend of his he doesn't talk very much

real voice isn't as deep as it sounds in the ride, he imitates ghost host's manner of speaking for performances

loves sewing, started out making clothes (worked as a tailor in life) but also does plush toys and embroidery

more under the cut. theres a lot

favorite movie genre is sci-fi horror, but his least favorites are slasher and supernatural horror films; slashers tend to trigger trauma surrounding his and his loved ones' deaths, and supernatural horror hits different when you're a ghost (mainly the annoying amount of misconceptions and inaccuracies)

his least favorite horror movies are hereditary and pet sematary for similar reasons; he can't stand it when kids die in movies (and the decapitation scene in hereditary is especially triggering to him)

bi and demisexual but mostly just calls himself queer. he's happy being with emily so sexuality labels don't really matter to him

genderfluid, doesnt rly care about what pronouns other people use for him but mostly prefers he/him, she/her, or it/its.

has a glowing heart like emily's, which is usually hidden under his clothes

used to be a notorious prankster around the mansion, which is actually part of why he got kicked out; aside from his signature trick not being up to par at first, he liked to mess with cast members who were trying to set things up by spooking them, stealing tools, etc until they got fed up and had him booted

(based on his animatronic's b mode) had some stage fright when he came back to the mansion back in 2015; he panicked and froze up all day and felt really bad afterwards bc he didn’t want to mess up and get booted again. the ghost host was pretty understanding of this but hatty's still nervous that if he screws up badly enough he could get kicked out again

can growl like an animal for some reason. nobody knows how or why he learned to do it but he mainly just uses it to fuck with people (constance, mostly). can also "purr", it's more like a rattling wheeze. a bit unnerving but emily thinks it's cute though

spent his years away from the mansion exploring haunted places all over the world, and knows a lot about the history of said places (special interest)

can teleport his head anywhere within a 5 foot radius of himself; it can be physically carried up to 15 feet away from him, but it's tethered to his body by a sort of invisible "thread" and cannot go further than that

mild telekinesis abilities, learned from leota

has back and wrist issues carried over from when he was alive, hence the cane and shaky hands. floats most of the time bc he can't walk very fast

he gets frequent hand pains, if he does manual work like writing or sewing for long periods of time he has to take a break for a while since his hands will start hurting too badly to do anything

collects every piece of disney merch with him on it

pale asf as a mortal but does have some hispanic/latin ancestry from one of his grandparents

also bonus emily hcs

died at 23 from being stabbed in the heart

was originally engaged to dorian gracey, who was constance's nephew

loves painting, sometimes touches up the haunted portraits in the mansion at their owners' requests

adhd haver, will often fixate on a project to the point where she won't leave the same spot for days

can transform from shadowy to corpse-like to her usual mortal-esque form; her shadowy version is covered in a sort of liquid darkness that can shift in coverage, which is typically concentrated on her face and hands

was kicked out of the mansion's tour route by constance and now just stays behind the scenes. she's pretty bitter about this and regularly argues with connie about nearly anything

her heartbeat increases in volume and speed when excited, scared, or when experiencing other strong emotions

favorite movie genre is psychological horror, is also a fan of found footage horror

bi and demisexual as well

and for both of them :]

hatty likes to rest his head against emily's chest to listen to her heartbeat, they often fall asleep like this

emily is much taller than hatbox, being 6' while hatty is only 5'4"; she can lift him up pretty easily

hatbox sometimes borrows emily's shirts to sleep in

they have movie nights together at least once a week, they mostly watch classic horror and disney animated films. sometimes they get distracted and just start making out and stuff

hatbox doesn't really like being touched by anyone, especially strangers, but is very physically affectionate towards his wife

often each of them think about what their lives would've been like had they lived longer (eg them having a happy ending, getting married and spending the rest of their mortal lives together, maybe starting a family, etc), makes em both really sad though but they're happy being together in death

hatty is always more relaxed around emily, though usually he can seem a bit grouchy and antisocial to most other people

[the-derpy-duck]

Quickshadow is amazing the essay

This is for @cayennesugar and cayennesugar only

Quickshadow is a Rescuebots character that appears in the show’s fourth season. She prefers to work solo and is absolutely perfect.

She’s obviously skilled in her craft and she knows it. She is confident and snarky but she’s also not a villain which I like. She’s not a braggart, but she doesn’t pretend that others are better at a job then her. The first thing she says to Heatwave when they first formally meet is that he is short. I didn’t really get why people shipped them together but some of what she does could be read as flirting (theirs an episode where she appears and when Heatwave asks why she’s back on Griffin Rock she says something along the lines of ‘I thought you missed me’ in a sarcastic tone). I don’t personally ship them but I see the appeal. Heatwave and Quickshadow have a very interesting relationship to me. I want to see them interact more because it’s fun.

When she was assigned to work with the rescue bots she seemed sort of upset when Blades said Heatwave didn’t like her (looking at her face she seems a bit more surprised) which I think is interesting. She doesn’t intend to offend Heatwave and probably wanted to be on good terms with him. She doesn’t do teamwork and seems to be introverted but that doesn’t mean she would be opposed to the idea of ✨friendship✨ and I do think that they would work well together, especially after the episode where she was put in charge. Teamwork is something that she did need to learn, but she still chooses to work on her own because that’s what she is good at and how she best works. She has her own system and I respect that. I also like that she wasn’t really an antagonistic force or rival to the rescue team. She was actively helping before she revealed herself and was teaching the team a lesson that they would need to learn eventually. Chase was prepared for the issue that arose when the plan went wrong and she was able to learn.

I absolutely love her transformation. It’s probably my favorite in the show because it does a good job of conveying her personality. She is quick witted and has a tendency to show off. She has a strong skill set and is well coordinated. I just really love the way it looks, it’s one of the smoothest bits of animation in the show. And her design is fantastic! She isn’t given boobs that would be out of place amongst the others and doesn’t have eye lashes or lipstick like other female transformers have had in the past. The main way you’d tell the difference in gender is her voice and the fact that the others use she/her pronouns when referring to her. Her head piece is also quite unique, the darker color contrasts nicely with her mostly white color scheme. I like the blue used for her as well, and I really like that she has her wheel on the right side of her car in vehicle mode because she’s British. She has a small amount of kibble that looks nice with the rest of her robot mode.

I like that she can manipulate her body to be able to gain speed, travel faster underwater, and even fly for short periods of time/slow her fall. She could 100% fight in a war and kick some ass. Not that the rescue bots are actually physically weaker from the other Cybertrionians, they handle environments much better than a lot of the autobots in prime. But that’s off topic. Quickshadow has one of like three fight scenes in the show. She takes on a temporary mentor roll to Blurr and Salvage but doesn’t like it because they are special. When she races Blurr she wins not because she’s faster but because she was smarter (which is a lesson that Blurr would utilize in a later episode) and the way she talks to Optimus makes me think that she is known for this. Also her message to Optimus is one of the best ways to do a ‘last time on…’ it made me actually listen to it instead of just skipping over and it’s very engaging in my personal opinion.

Also she’s British

I like her a lot. She should be used in more stories as she has a unique perspective and skill set. I also just really really like her. Hasbro please make better toys for the rescuebots I will buy all your overpriced legacy figures if you just make more rescue bots.