#SORRY i have played origins for the first time in my life last october and i cant stop playing it since.

[magilament]

playing witch's hunt having romanced morrigan is a great touch at giving that dlc a different meaning but it's still baffling just how mean you can be to morrigan. i know that da:o is praised the most out of all of the da titles for the amount of actual roleplaying you can do and i personally can't argue with that because i enjoy it very much as well, and of course it's good for an rpg that you have so much leg room to do whatever you want. and that just because you see an option to say something you just can overlook it and not click it and whatever but in case with morrigan it's just crazy how many options you get to. be mean. starting from being able to straight up call her a heartless bitch at any point (with positive approval.) and constantly doubting her motivation to stay with you (even if she's upfront from the start) up to the point that in witch's hunt as her lover you can accuse her of doing of something awful and heinous even though. she's never done anything of the sorts? i've seen discussions before how this fandom has trouble telling apart if it's the writers projecting their own misogyny into the story and the character's or the characters written to be misogynistic for some sort of pay off from the player. and morrigan is such a great case of a female character that's presented as a 'need no man girlboss type' who speaks her mind and has quick wit and will respond to anyone if they dare to criticize her in any way but she's still a tsundere type who will inadvertently fall for a man if he's nice enough to her. which is made the crux of it. it's like her 'betrayal' that the game loves to pedal to the player about is that she left. and worst case scenario she LEFT A MAN who had feelings for her and (conditionally) gave her a child. that the betrayal itself in a case of a un-modded base game morrigan romance is framed that she betrays the warden because she dared to leave a man who had feelings for her. even though she has always been upfront with you!!! from the start!!! once AGAIN is this the line where the writers are giving you a choice to Role Play as an asshole or is it where the writers make their own views known about how a woman trying to take back her bodily autonomy should be perceived and treated

[three--rings]

2024 Video Game Wrapup

First I have my Steam Replay:

Sorry for the quality, its a cropped screenshot cause I couldn't figure another way to get the graphic from them? IDK.

But very little of my playtime was on Steam this year. I only played one full game on steam this year and it was Paranormasight.

So here from my consoles combined with Steam is my Gaming Year:

January:

Baldur's Gate 3 - Completed

Persona 3 Reload - Fully Played (eventually)

Moonstone Island

Slay the Princess - A million percent recommended, this was basically my game of 2023

Cut for Length

February:

Zoo Tycoon (Had an urge for a theme park sim and this was free on Gamepass. )

Rollercoaster Tycoon 2 (The GOAT, played it obsessively for a week or so.)

Little Kitty, Big City- Fantastic and adorable game, highly recommended. Played it through and then played it through again with my husband.

March:

Still P3 Reload

BG3 play #2, Astarion or Bust (never finished)

April:

BG3 #3 - This time my husband is playing and I'm support. Played into Act 3 and then he lost interest.

May:

Doki Doki Literature Club- I entirely forget why I played this then, except I think I wanted a short narrative game one evening

June:

Paranormasight- Love a good visual novel mystery game. Played Fully.

Danganronpa V3- A game I got 60 hours into three years ago and then stopped playing. This time I got like 30 hours in and then stopped playing. I'll get back to it, really, I promise.

Pan'o'rama - A casual relaxing puzzle game I picked back up for a while.

I also played a bunch of demos for games in the Steam Next Fest, which was fun.

July:

More Danganronpa, but then I got bored and picked up

Stardew Valley, but I'm at a point with this playthrough where I've almost 100%ed it but just need to grind cash, and that's boring, so instead I went back to

Coral Island - to experience the newest updates. Played for a while and then got bored again.

August:

Terrascape - another hex tile building game. Fun but a little intense so I only played a few times.

Rain Code (on Switch) - I was traveling in August so I needed a portable game. Was enjoying it, but then got distracted once I was home.

September:

Persona 3 Reload, The Answer DLC -Start to Finish.

House Flipper - Another Gamepass one, wanted something chill, but didn't play a lot of it.

October:

Metaphor Refantazio - Still playing this one, pretty steadily since launch. I'm currently 65 hours in.

Disney Dreamlight Valley - So I originally played this after my car accident in 2023 on Gamepass. Then lost interest. But this year I was about to stop paying for Gamepass when they raised prices and I was done with P3R so I picked this back up to "finish it off." And I had never got into really decorating in it before and then I became obsessed. This has been my main game for the last two months, alternating with Metaphor. I bought it and the DLCs. (I don't care about Disney, but this is like Animal Crossing on steroids with so much amazing quality of life stuff. I have 600 hours in the last AC game okay, this is catnip for me. Oh god I just checked I have almost 500 hours in this game.)

Anyway, my plans for the future include finishing Metaphor, continuing with DDV, maybe playing the new Dragon Age if I buy it on sale, and trying Shin Megumi Tensei V which I got on deep discount for Black Friday. (I played some of SMT IV on the 3ds but that's my only SMT experience.)

[xoluvx]

hello my loveeee! I was the one that had a little query i need some help on. Thank u for hearing me out, okay it’s a long one so STRAP IN (not the smut kind HAHA) alrighty Welp here goes

I’m in love. And I’m in love with someone I can’t have. Last year I met this girl, she’s way older than me and is already in a committed relationship for years. But anyway. I Met her at work, she originally trained me up to do my job and then we bumped into eachother at a convention. Since that day we became friends and regularly (monthly and sometimes weekly) planned to see eachother. Eventually she left her job and moved to another role in the organisation so I still got to see her. Anyway, then we did a big group activity with another friend of hers and I had another friend of mine, but i told her I missed her cos i didn’t get a chance to talk properly. AnywYs, few months go by, still the same stuff happening it’s going fine. Altho She had some serious health issues with her family earlier in the year and I told her I was there for her if she needed ANYTHING. And then July comes by. Man. I probably had one of the worst weeks in July, and I didn’t even tell her half of it. She didn’t even ONCE say “oh I’m so sorry to hear about this I hope you’re ok, or NOTHING”,. Eventually I updated her on one thing and she was like “you did good”. THE HECK? Then she made me a beanie (she loves to crochet) as a token of support. But after that? NOTHING. We’ve barely texted, our next organised day to see eachother isn’t till THE END OF OCTOBER AND I ASKED FOR OUR NEXT ACTIVITY DAY BACK IN THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST. ITS A TWO MONTH WAIT, R U KIDDING. And now she’s hanging out with the same friend we did our big group activity with along with her partner. She met this other friend before I came along and they’ve known eachother for years. And I’m VERY aware of it. Bht I get so jealous every time they post shit together because a year ago that was me. I just don’t understand where it all went wrong. I have one bad week and it’s like i always need to be happy otherwise I’m no ‘use’ to her. I’m barely in my 20s. She hasn’t even reached out to say she ‘misses me’ like she used to. Reciprocation is non existent.

’ve been so blinded by her, and fueled my fantasy of her that when i take the rose coloured glasses off i CANT Even fathom the true person she actually is. She’s still that person I was in awe of at the start, but picking up on things she says and does makes me raise eyebrows, and frankly it breaks my heart because it hurts so much. It hurts so so much. She played me like I’m a fool and I was so blindly infatuated with her. She was also really touchy felt too, we held hands and hugged all the time. I had never had that with a friend before.

She opened my eyes up to affection I had never had, i wrote her letters on her birthday, gave her gifts, chocolates and food. I had NEVER done that for anyone else that fast in my life. I even purposelfully made myself stay up late for her till 1-2am just so I could message her cos I knew she’d be up at that hour. And I’m so scared that I might be losing her after falling down the rabbit hole. Y’all I was so careful. I WAS SO SO CAREFUL AT THE START. BC I KNEW WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO. And then she just drew me in only to spit me back out. And I feel awful. I feel like a dickhesd for falling in love with a girl that only broke my heart more. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get out of it.

Thanks for reading this, I’d love anyone’s advice and thoughts. I love you x

dear anon that fell in love with someone they can't have,

this was a doozy. when i tell you i went through every emotion-

first, this isn't your fault. you physically cannot control who you fall for. no matter how careful you are. especially considering this person led you on and made you feel like there might've been a chance at something more.

second, you have to set boundaries with this person. maybe that means cutting back on your monthly activities little by little.

i think everything happens for a reason and everything has a purpose in the longer scheme of life. some people are meant to just be in your life for a short time. it seems like this is the case. you shouldn't stall your life because of this person.

i know this is all so much easier said than done, but it's time to move on with your life even if it means leaving her in the past. your heart will heal, but you will never get those years you've spent pinning over a person who could care less about your well-being.

i love you. thank you for sharing with me and trusting me.

calling all my babies - additional advice is welcomed 💖

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello Steph!!

I just wanted to say how overwhelmingly happy I am that I've found someone who is still 'at it' after so long…

Ever since I was little, I wanted to study forensic science just like my mother was, I've since decided i'd like to study a double degree in criminology and criminal justice/psychological science.

i'm in year 12 now, and we are finishing up the last of our units before our external exams at the end of October. counting down the days has me looking back on my past and life in general while also looking ahead to a hopeful future of academia in honour of my mother... you could say i'm sentimental (hehe). sorry, i'm getting way off-topic. anyway, our last English unit is looking at representations of death. And by chance, my lovely english teacher introduced us to the wonderful world that is sherlock.

Honestly, sherlock and john - the whole universe, really - have saved my life. I had got myself in a really bad way and was struggling. The media, theories, and possible research from all of the renditions of sherlock, including the original text, gave me something to occupy my mind with. It ended up reigniting my love for learning and criminology/psychology.

Even more so, i'd say it was the fandom that saved my life. From hilarious old theories on tumblr to the fandom's general crack and chaos, it made me smile and brought back some joy when i could see it nowhere else.

i'd like to thank you personally. simply put, your blog and, more specifically your fanfic recommendations are the reason i am still here today. reading through them has helped me to laugh and cry when i needed it the most.

i'm getting to a much better place and finding my feet again. But I wouldn't have made it to this point without you and the fandom. so thank you. thank you so unbelievably much Steph.

... so yes, many of the blogs I've come across have long been inactive. So it's lovely to see the fandom still thriving :) i think i'd like to be you when i grow up. thank you again! <3

Have a lovely day!!!

Warm regards, Baie x

p.s: a note on johnlock... (after we watched the hounds of baskerville in class) my first exposure to sherlock was actually the bbc series which i binged. twice. then read acd's novels. somehow, the possibility that johnlock was not cannon never crossed my mind? like idk. maybe my view of love is skewed, but i tend to think love manifests in so many different regards. and to me, john and sherlock look at each other like a couple of old married best friends. so imagine my supprise when i made my way to the online discourse on the matter!! seeing people trying to prove their relationship exists was so odd to me at first. anyway yeah, point being, i'm asexual, so seeing a relationship dynamic portrayed in such a way that resembles my own relationship is very comforting. i love johnlock and the fandom to pieces <3

HI BAIE!!

OMG I am SO SORRY that I took so long to reply to this quick-reply ask, UGH.

First off, thank you SO MUCH for your unbelievable kindness in this ask. I am humbled and undeserving of such praise, but I am SO honoured that my blog has played a major role in your fandom experience. It always shocks and humbles me to read such praise.

Secondly, thank you so much for sharing your fandom story. I too had a lot of life-changing things happen because of this fandom, and I wouldn't change that for the world. It helped me understand myself in ways I never would have without it, helped me cope with a lot of family drama, got me through a sexuality crisis, encouraged me to finally seek the therapy and diagnoses I really needed, and just... helps combat the loneliness, honestly. My blog keeps me busy, so it does feel like a joy to work on it and KNOW that people enjoy being here as much as me.

I feel you on the asexuality, and on the personal interpretation of their relationship, and I do get it. I think for me it's just I spent SO MUCH TIME analyzing their characters that the only logical outcome of the series Pre-S4 was canon Johnlock. But alas, LOL.

This fandom is a fantastic place, and good golly I would not wish my neuroses on anyone to "be like me" LOL. I'm only still around because I have weird obsessions and I love running this blog and being a beacon for newcomers and old friends alike. BUT I am humbled that you aspire to be like me, so thank you <3 But you should be like YOU, because there's only one of you, and we admire you for that!!

THAT ALL SAID, good luck on your studies, sounds SO exciting! You'll be amazing!!!!!

Thank you again for this beautiful ask; now that I had a chance to sit down and read it, I am floored and sobbing, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thank you so much <3

Have a fantastic day, Lovely! <3

[sixty-silver-wishes]

Tumblr's Guide to Shostakovich- Part 4: Establishing a Star

It's been a while since my last Tumblr's Guide to Shostakovich; I'm so sorry! I've got a ton of projects I'm working on and I just haven't had time for this one. But now that I'm back, it's time to cover the late 20s and early 30s, which is quite a bit of ground.

So, after the composition of his First Symphony in 1925, Shostakovich was quickly becoming noticed, both within the USSR and internationally. 1927 proved to be a consequential year for him, as he began performing as a concert pianist and participated in the First International Chopin Competition in Warsaw, although he did not place among the winners. Nonetheless, he regarded the competition as a success in a letter to his mother, from February 1, 1927. The pianist Nathan Perelman characterized Shostakovich's pianistic style as such:

Shostakovich emphasized the linear aspect of music and was very precise in all the details of performance. He used little rubato in his playing, and it lacked extreme dynamic contrasts. It was an ‘anti-sentimental’ approach to playing which showed incredible clarity of thought. You could say that his playing was very modern; at the time we accepted it and took it to our hearts. But it made less impression in Warsaw, where [Lev] Oborin’s more decorative, charming and ‘worldly’ approach, albeit somewhat militaristic, was the order of the day. However, Shostakovich seemed to foresee that, by the end of the twentieth century, his style of playing would predominate, and in this his pianism was truly contemporary.

(Participants and jury of the First International Chopin Competition, 1927. Shostakovich can be seen third from the left in the second row.)

1927 also saw an event that would once again change the course of Shostakovich's life- in addition to the composition of his Second Symphony (subtitled "To October"), we see in correspondence his first mentions of a foray into operatic composition. While Shostakovich had set words to music before (for instance, "To October" includes an ideological text by Aleksandr Bezyemensky), he decided to choose a work familiar to him as the subject of his first opera, The Nose by Nikolai Gogol, which he mentions in a letter to his friend, the critic Boleslav Yavorsky, on June 19, 1927. (Yavorsky was one of Shostakovich's primary correspondents until August of that year, when he met the polymath and scholar Ivan Sollertinsky, who was to become his closest friend. For more on Sollertinsky, I have a whole post on him here.)

Shostakovich was a lifelong Gogol enthusiast and even had many of his stories memorized by heart, which he was often fond of quoting, both in correspondence and conversation, so it should come as no surprise that he decided to adapt a Gogol story as his first opera, even writing the libretto himself and adapting long passages of the original short story into it (as well as references to other Gogol stories as well!). However, to those unacquainted with Shostakovich, The Nose seems like an unlikely choice for an operatic adaptation, especially considering the great canon of Russian-language literature that has historically been used for operatic adaptations, such as Tchaikovsky's Evgeny Onegin and Pikovaya Dama (or The Queen of Spades), both adapted from Pushkin. The Nose, on the surface, is a bizarre and comedic story, in which the main character, Collegiate Assessor Kovalyov, wakes up to find his nose removed from his face. The Nose is later found walking around Saint Petersburg, where it has gained sentience, talks, and even receives a promotion, much to the status-obsessed Kovalyov's chagrin. Kovalyov is unsuccessful in getting people to believe that his nose is now sentient, shenanigans ensue, and by the end, he wakes up once again to find his nose reattached, as Gogol's narrator remarks on the absurdity and ridiculousness of the story.

It seems like impossible subject matter for an opera, and yet, Shostakovich makes it work. With his penchant for sarcasm and the grotesque, as well as his use of inverting conventions of comedic and tragic music with the effect of making tragic situations seem ridiculous and ridiculous situations seem tragic, Shostakovich enriches Gogol's original Nose (assisted by the author's trademark skaz literary style) in his adaptation, while keeping it distinctly Gogolian. The Nose would be completed in 1928, and premiered in 1930, although it was not a success among the general public at the time, largely due to the avant-garde music and absurdist themes. It would not be performed in the USSR again until 1972.

(A poster for the premiere of The Nose at the Maly Opera Theatre, Saturday January 18th, 1930.)

In 1928, Shostakovich would make a strong connection with the theatre director and playwright Vsevolod Meyerhold, and wrote music for his theatre in Moscow. Shostakovich's stay with Meyerhold, as evidenced from letters to Sollertinsky, was less than ideal- he found Meyerhold and his wife, the actress Zinaida Raikh, to be at times obnoxious in the way they fawned over each other and their two children, and their nanny made unwanted advances on him- but found a career writing music for stage plays, most notably in collaboration with the poet and playwright Vladimir Mayakovsky, whose play The Bedbug he composed accompanying music for.

Shostakovich accepted a position at the theatre collective TRAM (Russian: Театр Рабочей Молодёжи, or Worker's Youth Theatre) in 1929, where he composed music for a number of ideological plays. Scholar Elizabeth Wilson notes that while Shostakovich enjoyed writing music for some of the TRAM plays, he also joined TRAM in an effort to shield himself from criticism from the RAPM (Russian Association of Proletarian Musicians), a more conservative musical branch that was, at the time, amassing power. The RAPM was in opposition at the time to the ACM (Association For Contemporary Music), and encouraged many elements that would later be incorporated into the Socialist Realism style that would take effect in the mid-30s. However, neither organization was around for long; the ACM was dissolved in 1931, while the RAPM was dissolved in 1932. While we know that Shostakovich was growing increasingly aware of the gradual restrictions being placed on music, in the coming decades, the intersection between Soviet politics and music would become unavoidable, and the next opera Shostakovich would compose in just a few years' meant he would find himself straight in the crossroads.

Thank you for reading! In the next entries, we’ll get further into the 30s, where there’s a lot to cover!

[pwblogarchive]

October 2005

October 5, 2005

there is no beef. just seitan. just getting rattled over nothing. get down with the sickness.

just too much make up and no hearts just egos on the sleeves over here in fall out boy land.

the new panic record hypes itself, so i will shut my damn mouth.

"a kid who tells on another kid is a dead kid".

- petey

October 7, 2005

wow. now way too many updates. i wanted to apologize to everyone at the 9:30 club show in d.c. originally we were supposed to play a show called "shantytown" but the county it was supposed to take place in said that it couldn't happen at the last minute- due to noise regulations or something- we were not given that information. so instead, immediatly following the 9:30 club show we rushed over to a studio and played a small show we had promised we would do. we are sorry to skip out on anyone waiting outside.

some things that dont get enough attention or thanks, so google them:

plain white t's

lifetime (the band we would not exist without)

jason tate

equal studio

the stereo

armor for sleep

rob dobi

fueled by ramen

skyriter

rob hitt

keep on loving/hating.

fob

- petey

October 7, 2005

back on the saddle. i am not crazy or dead or whatever i keep being imed. i am super happy with this tour. been haning with panic at the disco a ton. me and patrick have been writing a bunch of new songs already. the first song we have written so far is called: "you can't spell star without A & R". the band has gotten really tight as friends again. joe is playing video games until his eyes fall out. patrick sits in the back and makes weird smells and amazing songs. andrew hurley is attatched to his sidekickm, i don't think he can breathe without it. and i am just watching it all go down. our bus driver got us a bunch of new bootleg movies. so we watched flightplan. my review would be: dont watch this movie ever. all the otherbands on this tour have been so good to hang out with------ me and nick are working on a new website thats gonna make your little brains get all warm and fuzzy if we put it together right. i haven't updated in forever. so i just want to thank you for always sticking around. and by you- i mean anyone who still even bothers looking around this site or letting us hit your bedroom speakers.

you couldn't be wrong. because i dreamt you alive.

i was just thinking about the summer. and my favorite moment was playing the gorge in washington- cool after dark. just past the bruised sky. you singing the words. a phone call home to the best. forever.

on the message board leave a thread about your favorite moment of the summer.

truefuckinglove

October 11, 2005

just cause you can.

take your shyness pills.

put it all on the line.

every single time.

just when you thought i couldn't get anymore flamboyant.

i got a new vest and some shoes with teddy bears on them.

yikes.

new october fall songs are gonna suprise you.

wait for it. wait for it.

- petey

10/11/05 Q&A

question

Peter, i think you need to have more respect for the other members of the band, like Patrick, i dont think he smells…and fob would be no where without him, or the rest of the guys! so please dont talk about him like that, it makes my heart hurt! thanks, love you guys!

answer

hahahaha. if you knew patrick you wouldnt say that. that kid is my best friend but not cause he smells like roses. cause he is just the best. dont worry about it. we’ll be friends long after this thing is over.

question

Pete, would you and Patrick be friends if Fall Out Boy never existed?

answer

we would have to be friends. cause i dreamt him.

October 12, 2005

new york city you are so amazing. jay z. william beckett. unreal. i will do a real update later.

i want to let you in on a secret, we are having a decaydance showcase wednesday night.

panic at the disco is playing tonight at the knitting factory with labelmates in octoberfall-

early show. there are still tickets left.

come dance yourself to life.

peter

October 15, 2005

happy sweetest day.

tour is pretty much the only place i feel at home.

for your pretty eyes:

dirty, korean tom cruise and me crash jay-z's 40/40 club

put your ideas in our body, put your body in our ideas: clandestine.buzznet.com

you're nobody until somebody loves you, at least that's half true.

xo

October 19, 2005

how much do we love you for making us number one on TRL. i don't even know what to say --- we always say it - but i feel like we dont say it enough.

people asked about the shirts we were wearing on fuse and trl - we got them up pretty cheap over at friendsorenemies.com - also there is a little video from the hush sound over there to introduce you to our silly little friends.

you love me but you don't even like me.

forget what you heard. brains are sexy.

October 24, 2005

Sunlight. Like the end of the world. In flashes but not mellow. We swim in schools. Down to the bottom. Down forever. I'm always clearing my throat but I've never got a thing to say. The opposite of a fever. The opposite of perfection. It's only you when I go to sleep and when I wake up...

I know that's a strange way of telling you that I know I'm supposed to love you.

I love this tour. Keep s(w)inging.

October 24, 2005

if you are coming to the irvine show on halloween, we expect you to be dressed up. we will be. and we will be having some contests and what not during intermission.

also, check out the new decaydance myspace at myspace.com/decaydancerecords. it's run by our friend adam from fueled by ramen (who also takes care of our myspace page at myspace.com/falloutboy). adam is the programmer who controls the robots in fall out boy's brain. obey him, because we do.

October 24, 2005

its funny the way you grovel when there are no microphones or camera flashes in sight. - take a stand. it makes me laugh. dot coms refresh for the drama.

- petey

[cadotoast]

Thank you for the tag @kaylinalexanderbooks

This game is using my YouTube music "like" playlist, so we've got everything from angsty Teen Cado getting over a fucking asshole of an ex, to more recently where Acapella worship has been hitting me in the feels.

January- "Its Not Over Yet" by for King and Country. Looks like January was a struggle, but just like the song implies, I made it through!

February- "Shenandoah" by Peter Hollins. Seems like February I lamented about a river? Apparently it's been seven years since I've last seen it.

March- "The Cross Medley" by Anthem Lights. This actually works perfectly, what with easter being the final day in March! I guess I'm going back in time though, to witness the crucifixion of Jesus?

April- "Bach suite number 1 played in G major, Prelude" specifically the version played by my high school orchestra teacher. I guess April is just a wordless vibe, but honestly, I could be okay with that. Maybe me and my orchestra teacher get to chill. I'd be cool with that.

May- "Day One" by Matthew West. It looks like I'm turning over a new leaf, marching to the beat of my own drum in May.

June- "Low Life" by Dame. I had to Google the translation for this one because the original song is in German, and to my chagrin, after several attempts at Duolingo, I still not have learned. After the translation, June is going to be a period of reflection, pausing life to enjoy the small things, and to find appreciation. Also picking raisins out of a cake is a mood

July- "Nancy Mulligan" original song by Ed Sheeran, but this is a cover done by MALINDA, the Wellerman, and Cullen Vance. I guess I'm finding the love of my life, running away, not caring about religion, and turning 24? Well we are too late for the first two, the third ain't an option for me, and too early for the fourth one. Also I'm apparently going to have five sons and three daughters, and 22 grandchildren.

August- "Sign" by FLOW. Seems like August will be a bit rough, learning to push through the pain and follow the path that scars lead me?

September- "How Great Thou Art" arranged by Catherine Papworth Williams, sung by BYU Noteworthy. Seems like September will be a month of reflection and worship on my faith. Not bad :)

October- "Touch Fluffy Tail" by Ken Ashcorp. Hmmmmmmmmmm. October is a weird month. This song is good for October. But bad for my conscience. If you Google, plz don't judge me. >.> but October is going to be ✨ frisky ✨

November- "Flawless" by Mercy Me. Another month of reflection, and a reminder that despite all of my faults, I have been made flawless by the blood of Christ.

December- "Leave it All Behind" by Cult to Follow. I will be overcoming my enemies, leaving all the bad shit, and moving forward to a new year. Hell yeah!

Tag list for those I'd think would enjoy:

@the-californicationist @deadbranch @gloomwitchwrites @cherryofdeath @soaps-mohawk

(I'm so sorry if you don't like being tag, plz let me know if it's annoying ;-;)

Tagged by @mobius-m-mobius Thank you very much! That's an interesting tag game ^^ let your spotify predict your 2024! shuffle your on repeat playlist, and the first twelve songs represent your 2024 I had to search the on repeat playlist first, but here we go: January: It Just Won't Quit - Meat Loaf - great way to start the year xD February: So Happy It Hurts - Bryan Adams - well, it's not wrong March: You Tell Me - Paul McCartney - a bit of reflection in March? April: Love Me Do - The Beatles - I won't say no to that May: Seaside Rendezvous - Queen - Yes, please June: Scotland's Story - The Proclaimers - scottish independence in June? July: Mr. Bellamy - Paul McCartney - I like it up here without you August: The Witch's House - Elton John - a month too early October: Kingpin - Jake Bugg - might be more attention than I prefer November: Kentucky - Jake Bugg - a young man from Kentucky with a guitar wins the US elections? December: Scene - Jake Bugg - and that's how great Spotify is in shuffeling songs

Tagging @thetv-junkie @rockyracoon17 @badluck990 @punchandspade @anthonytheshuhite @ithinkpeteisdead @paininmyheart-imalive @astaldis @the-wandering-whumper @a-book-locked-nerd @do-androids-dream-ao3acc and anyone who'd like to join.

[daesungindistress]

Hi, me again, a long-time fan, especially of the Carnivores series. I saw you took down Carnivores. I understand why, but I would like to share my thoughts. Please hear me out.

Unlike some of the other stories you took down, Carnivores is all about Daesung. To me, it is about Daesung’s temperament, resilience, and all the little things cute and lovable about him. It is about how he copes with the world around him. It is not about that person at all. How can that very minor, irrelevant part of story, or person, take away something so beautiful. This, sadly, kind of already happened in the real world. I just hope it won’t repeat again here, or ever.

You and many of us probably gave that person too much credit. Do you find him remotely interesting enough to be really worth your time and struggle? Is that person worth you throwing away all the hard work and talent you put into Carnivores? Carnivores seems special to you, like it is to me, and he is not worth it. The world is a complex jungle, we can never overcome all the evil, but at least we can celebrate the light that we found.

Something more practical. In most chapters, except for Bright Like the Sun, that person didn’t really play much of a role. As far as I remember, he didn’t even show up in New Heights, Laying Claim, First of Many. These chapters also feel like they can stand alone. It is a tricky for my favorite chapter Dreams Like Ashes Float, but it is so beautiful that I just want to chop out that person's part. Or perhaps change the name? Just some ideas, not even suggestions. I am just sad that Carnivores is now gone for something so irrelevant and forgettable.

Anyway, if taking down Carnivores brings you peace of mind, please know that I respect and support your decision. I remember you were very happy and tremendously creative when you first came to this fandom. I hope you can get back to that good place, even if BigBang or even Daesung is not there. Just know that your work has inspired and is deeply appreciated by some fans.

Hi, wow, thank you 🥹

I quietly took down the Carnivores series in about October of last year, around the time I realized TOP's moon scene in Still Life was set in the future, not the past, and the music video was BIGBANG's way of telling us they were going to be apart awhile longer as they go their separate ways and pursue solo projects. I decided I should do the same -- focus on projects -- and turned my attention once again to Carnivores.

First of all, I took the series down for reasons only partly related to the former member. You're right; for the most part, his role in the story is relatively insignificant, with a few exceptions, the biggest being Bright Like the Sun, which, uh, is filled with a whole slew of problematic messaging given the state of BIGBANG today -- most notably the Seungri rescue scene toward the end (after a landslide, stuck in the mud under a crumbling bluff) and Daesung's insistence on not leaving him behind. Carnivores goes hard on the theme of family, of a "found" family -- in this case, a found family of five. Because a long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away...) that was my absolute favorite thing in this fandom. As it is now, I'm deeply uncomfortable with promoting that subject matter using the names and likenesses of the BIGBANG members, even in my past work.

I'm sorry you're sad about Carnivores being gone. I thought a few people might be when/if they found out, and I still feel a twinge of guilt over snatching it away from the few people who liked it. But my reasons for taking it private aren't all bad or sad. Not to me, anyway. I'm not ready to share in too much detail because it's still in the extreme early stages, but the plain truth is I took Carnivores down because I have plans for the series. Non-fanfiction plans. I want to turn it into original fiction with the goal of publishing it.

But before that... I need to rewrite the whole thing. Overhaul it all. No one will be removed from the story; everyone's names will be changed. Well, they already have been. After some brain retraining (lol) and a brief adjustment period, I don't even think of the guys in terms of their BIGBANG names anymore; I now think, talk, and write about them using their new names. Someone once said to me (once upon a time) that as much as the characters reflect their inspirations (the members), they have lives of their own. Though it's taken some time, in the years since I concluded the series in 2018 (and in a way, the hiatus helped with this) I feel I've finally managed to unlink them from their inspirations. While preserving their personalities, of course, and holding tightly to everything I came to love about them while developing and telling their story all those years ago. They're still familiar and dear to me, and I still want them to be known... just in a new and improved way. And to a wider audience.

On the one hand, I'm really excited about it. On the other, I'm a little overwhelmed. I spent a few weeks in the fall reading through the series slowly and critically, returning to it in a way I hadn't since its initial run in 2016-2018, and I thought, "Well, it's a start." I didn't hate it, but it was so much worse than I remembered haha. Yet, at the same time, it was neat to see my growth as an author from beginning to end, and by the time I reached Innocence and Instinct, there really wasn't much I felt required major revisions. All in all, what I used to view as a finished product I now see as a first draft. To take what I have, 300 thousand words in 8 parts, and reshape it to fit my new vision will be no small task!

You're correct in sensing that Carnivores is special to me. It always has been and I'm sure always will be. Unlike those other stories I took down, removing it from my list of fics is like gutting my body of work. Yes, the events of 2019 did dampen my fond feelings for it. But I've since found a way to love it again, and to even breathe new life into it. It's set to undergo so much change (expansion and enrichment) I didn't want it "out there" anymore in its original form, where anyone can access it and see what it used to be. And I needed to disconnect it from BIGBANG, preferably long before it reaches the publishing stage. If I can be successful with this, I think it will all be worth it.

[reviewsbykarla]

my favorite albums of 2019

it's december 30th and you thought i forgot!! here are my favorite albums of 2019 organized by time of year they were significant in my life, with a few choice words on each. I spent a large part of the year listening back to older stuff and not particularly into anything new, but with fall came albums that defined the rest of my year. 2019 was a year of positive change for me and reaffirmed to me that with tragedy comes growth. don't forget it!

find an extensive playlist of my favorite songs from 2019 here: open.spotify.com/playlist/0ZgjOmyLpLFAp1xxEa0e5j

Assume Form by James Blake (January-March)

The song "I'll Come Too" was a topic of discussion for a while amongst me and my best music nerd friend. He thinks it's about someone finding true, lasting love. I think it's about the intensity of orgasm with someone you truly love. Thoughts?

Purple Mountains by Purple Mountains (July-August, December)

David Berman has always been an influential songwriter in my life. When I first heard this album, I felt so sad; It sounded like he had given up on life. When he committed suicide soon after its release, I couldn't bring myself to listen to this album again for months. It's so tragic, that sometimes death is the only thing that can give you life.

Immunity by Clairo (August-October)

I had low expectations for this album and I was completely surprised. The production quality is so high and the style of the album overall felt very original. Clairo is a really great lyricist able to write relatable songs and working with Rostam was a really good move on her part. While I loved the album and had it on non-stop repeat, her live show was the worst show I have ever seen in my entire life. I'm sorry.

Essentials by Erika de Casier (August-September)

This album is SO good. It slaps in all the right places and is reminiscent of 90s hip-hop r&b, but better. Listening to this is like walking through a candy shop and getting all of your favorite things.

House of Sugar by Alex G (September-December)

I love Alex G. Always have, always will. I genuinely think he is one of the greatest artists of my lifetime. This is his best album yet hands down. I can't even begin to tell you why, but please listen to it. Go birds.

Pang by Caroline Polachek (October-December)

Wow! Pang is a masterpiece. If I had to pick a #1 album of the year, it's Pang. Caroline Polachek wrote Pang coming out of her divorce. Each song hits hard lyrically, both simple and complex at the same time. The production is incredible and the album is as niche as it is accessible. The perfect album.

Iowa dream by Arthur Russell (November-December)

Arthur Russell was a genius. Towards the end of 2019 I was reverting back to my old folk-rock sensibilities, Iowa Dream coming out at the exact right time. I felt nostalgic, content, excited. Every song on this album is beautiful and touching. I hope there is more to come from Russell's thousands of unreleased recordings.

Information by Galcher Lustwerk (December)

This album is hot. Every track is thick with beats that make me feel like jello. Play this at the club and get close with that cutie you want to dance with.

Zdenka 2080 by Salami Rose Joe Louis (December)

I only recently found this album and I immediately fell in love with it. It's so beautiful, minimalist and slightly haunting. An experimental album of this variety always tugs at my heart strings, reinforces butterflies in my stomach, makes me want to swim in a lake at midnight under a starry sky with the person I love.

[purrincess-chat]

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s Spite Playlist: Remix CH28

What does Chloe have in store for Marinette? Find out next week! As I stated on AO3, once I post chapter 30, I’m going to take another month off to let my betas finish up the last few chapters, then in October if we are all finished, I will be posting two chapters a week on Mondays and Fridays to finish this story out. It’s been a long journey rewriting it, but I’m much happier with the outcome this time. I hope you’re all excited to see the rest of the changes to this story. I know I can’t wait to share them!

Previous    First     Next      AO3

------------------------------------------------

Chapter 28: End Game

Morning light streamed through the window, casting golden rays across Marinette’s cheeks. The urgent screech of her alarm blared on the shelf above her head, vibrating the loft in its tantrum. She blinked, then immediately squeezed her eyes shut again, sitting up out of the sun. Kicking the blankets from around her legs, she palmed for her phone, clumsily tapping the screen with a yawn. Sleep had eluded her most of the night for more reasons than one, and the previous day’s events replayed on loop as she slogged through her morning routine.

Had all of it really happened? The museum, her old friends, the akuma, Emerald Shell, Lila… And she’d gone to Chloe of all people for help. When had she fallen so low? And how long did Marinette have to be on this rollercoaster? Wasn’t there an emergency exit she could use?

She splashed water on her face, leaning against the sink with a sigh. Not all of it was bad at least. She and Adrien got to spend the evening together, though the sweetness diminished as a result of the afternoon’s events. Even still, there were worse ways to end a trying day than being spoon-fed chocolate mousse by the boy of her dreams.

Marinette stared at her reflection, droplets dripping from her chin like the countless tears she’d cried the past month. So much had changed since she left. Her face still looked the same, but the girl inside was different than the one who walked out of Francoise-Dupont a month ago. Her eyes carried a new determination.

Lila had gone too far, and Marinette wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. Starting today, everything was going to change.

“Marinette! You’re going to be late for school!” her mother called up the stairs.

Marinette dried her face and slipped on her blazer.

“Coming!”

Things were normal at school. People were buzzing about the latest akuma and the appearance of Emerald Shell. Martin held his head a little higher, though his cheeks never lost their rosy hue, especially when Macy gushed about how Emerald Shell saved her. It wasn’t until art class that they realized Marinette was being unusually quiet.

“How did things go with Adrien?” Eliott asked, looking up from the fruit bowl they were all painting.

“Adrien was fine,” Marinette said. “It was Lila I had to worry about.”

“Still?” Macy winced. “What happened?”

“It’s a long story…” Marinette sighed, wiping her brush on a rag.

“We’ve got a whole hour.” Martin pointed out, and they all looked at Marinette expectantly.

Marinette smiled, reassured by their eagerness. They really were the best friends in the world. She took a deep breath before diving in, and her friends listened to every detail intently.

“Whoa, she really did that to you?” Lisette asked when she finished. “And I thought Gabrielle was awful.”

“Lila is an attention-seeking manipulator, and she crushes anyone who gets in her way,” Marinette said bitterly. “I hate to drag you guys into this—mostly because I barely want to be dragged into this—but-”

“Oh, we’ll totally help,” Macy said. “If there’s one thing rich people love to do it’s brag about our accomplishments and make other people look inferior.”

“I can text around and try to set up a hangout with Prince Ali next time he passes through Paris.” Eliott offered.

“My dad’s in a group that plays tennis with a few ambassadors. I’m sure he could help us set up a youth program to push a Go Green effort here in Paris.” Martin added.

“Sometimes I babysit for the president’s niece, so I could see about getting her deported,” Lisette said with a cheery grin, and everyone turned to her with horrified expressions. “I’m kidding, but it’s an option.”

“Aww, you’re so cute when you’re kicking awful people out of the country.” Eliott nuzzled her cheek with his nose.

“Anything you need, Marinette, we’ve got your back,” Macy said, placing a hand over hers. “We’re behind you all the way.”

Marinette pulled her in for a hug, tears stinging the corners of her eyes. Even though she regretted running from her problems, Marinette didn’t regret meeting her new friends. They helped her when she needed it most, and for that, she would always be grateful. With these people by her side, Lila wasn’t going to know what hit her.

♪♫♪ This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things ♪♫♪

Marinette paced the length of the living room a week later, chewing her nails. The awards show had finally arrived, and Clara would be walking the red carpet in one of Marinette’s original designs. It was the biggest moment of her life, and she couldn’t sit still.

Her mom smiled, setting the cake she’d just finished decorating on the table. “Everything is going to be fine, dear. Your designs were wonderful, and Clara loved them.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean all of the famous fashion critics are going to. People talk about award show outfits for weeks, mom! If everyone hates Clara’s dress, I’m going to be front-page news for worst-dressed all month!” Marinette groaned.

“There’s no way anyone will hate your designs. My daughter has all the talent in the world!” Her father scooped her up, planting a kiss on her cheek.

The doorbell rang, and Marinette rushed to answer it.

“Congratulations!” Her friends cheered.

Macy pulled her in for a tight hug. “I can’t wait to see which design Clara picked! They were all so good.”

“I can’t believe Clara picked you over Gabriel Agreste. You are so lucky, Marinette,” Lisette said.

“She’s amazingly talented. My father didn’t stand a chance,” Adrien said with a laugh. He presented a bouquet of roses with a shy smile. “Congratulations, mon ange.”

Marinette stretched up to kiss his cheek. Taking his hand, she ushered everyone inside where they didn’t hesitate to make themselves at home. Eliott and Martin moved for the snacks while Macy and Lisette settled on the couch. Marinette’s mother reached for a vase on the top shelf, stretching up on her toes.

“Let me.” Adrien stepped in and grabbed it with ease.

“Thank you, dear. Marinette picked such a sweet boyfriend.” Her mother beamed. “She used to talk about you so much. Every day, she’d come home from school and tell us all about how green your eyes are and-”

“Mom!” Marinette shot her a silencing look.

“I’m flattered. Marinette is a wonderful girl. You and Mr. Dupain must be really proud that a celebrity like Clara commissioned her,” Adrien replied smoothly. He shot Marinette a wink when her mom changed the subject. Why was he so perfect?

“Ooo! It’s starting!” Macy squealed.

Marinette and Adrien squeezed onto the couch next to Macy and Eliott. She leaned her head on his shoulder, twining their fingers together. Having her friends around eased some of her nerves, but her heartbeat escalated every time someone new moved to the front of the line.

“How long until we get to see your dress?” her dad asked.

“I don’t know. The red carpet doesn’t really have a set schedule.” Marinette shrugged.

“Okay, we’ll just wait,” he said, trying to seem nonchalant, though his impatience showed each time he shifted or cleared his throat.

Marinette chewed her nails as other artists and celebrities made their appearances, leg bouncing until Eliott reached over to stop it. She flashed him a sheepish grin but resumed tapping the moment he turned away.

Clara’s name flashed at the bottom of the screen, and Marinette cupped her hands over her mouth. Everyone leaned forward as she approached the camera in a colorful, flowing gown.

“She’s wearing my favorite!” Marinette squeaked between her fingers. Her dad patted her knee as her mom turned up the volume on the television.

“Standing here on the red carpet with Best Pop Artist nominee Clara Nightingale,” the reporter said, turning to Clara with a smile. “Clara, can I just say you look lovely tonight? Who are you wearing?”

“My dress was designed by someone sweet; a teen whose talent can’t be beat. More beautiful than any melody I’ve ever sang, this dress is by Miss Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” Clara twirled around, the skirt of the dress rippling with color.

Marinette buried her face in a couch pillow with a shrill scream. Adrien rubbed her back with a laugh. She shot up again, eyes glued to the screen as Clara gushed about the details of her dress before the conversation steered toward her award nomination.

“Can I just say? Stun-ning!” Eliott said.

“That dress is everything! It looks even better than it did on paper.” Macy agreed.

“A celebrity wearing my daughter’s original designs! I always knew someone would recognize how amazing you are.” Her dad pulled her in for a tight hug.

“We’re so proud of you, honey. We know how hard you worked,” her mom said.

“You did an amazing job, Marinette.” Adrien pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Well, we have to get back to the bakery, so we’ll let you kids watch the rest together, okay?” Her mother passed Macy the remote.

“Good night.” Marinette waved as they stood and took their leave.

“Actually, I should go too. I forgot to do my physics homework,” Macy said, standing up. “Martin, can you come help me? It’ll take me hours if you don’t.”

Martin flicked his gaze over to Marinette and nodded. “Uh, yeah, I can do that.”

“Oh, ya know, I just remembered that I promised my dad we’d help him with that thing,” Lisette said.

“Oh yeah! Sorry, it’s like a big, complicated thing. We need to go too.” Eliott nodded. “Congrats again. You’re amazing and wonderful, and you deserve this more than anyone.”

“Thanks.” Marinette smiled.

“See you tomorrow!” Macy called as they all shuffled out the door.

“Is it just me or was that a lot of lame excuses?” Marinette tilted her head.

“I asked them to give us some time alone.” Adrien admitted.

“Oh.” Marinette’s cheeks warmed as Adrien wrapped an arm around her.

“I know things have been crazy lately, but in a way, I’m really glad all of this happened. I might not have ever realized how I felt about you if it hadn’t,” he said. “It’s a weird positive that’s come from everything.”

“Yeah.” Marinette leaned against his shoulder with a smile. “I’m happy things worked out. I never would have told you how I felt otherwise.”

“Did you really tell your parents how cute I was?” he asked with a smirk.

“I- Well, I didn’t- I mean-” She buried her face in his shirt with a groan.

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard you stammer like that. I forgot how cute it is.” Adrien chuckled.

“It’s your fault.” She jabbed his chest with one finger. “You’re so cute. It makes me all flustered.”

“Hmm, then I wonder how you’ll react to this.” He reached into his pocket to retrieve a long jewelry case, opening it to reveal a small pink diamond necklace.

“Adrien!”

“I wanted to get you something to remember me by since we go to different schools now. I miss you like crazy, so I thought that maybe you could at least have a small piece of me when we’re apart,” he said. “Do you like it?”

“Adrien…” Marinette cupped a hand over her mouth. “It’s beautiful. I love it.”

The gem was warm against her skin as Adrien fastened it around her neck, a physical reminder of his love. They’d overcome so much together, and while their fight was far from over, at least Marinette had him.

Adrien turned her jaw to face him, brushing her cheek with his thumb. Those warm green eyes softened as he leaned in, and Marinette closed her eyes. His breath swirled hot on her lips when they brushed, sending a jolt up her spine. Her heart hammered in a frenzy, building rapidly in anticipation. But just as release came, his pocket buzzed, and they both crashed down to earth again.

With a short sigh, Adrien pulled back and retrieved his phone, quirking a brow at the caller ID.

“It’s Chloe,” he said. “Hell-”

“Were you two going to list Dupain-Cheng designing for Clara Nightingale among our assets, or was I just supposed to figure that out myself?” She scolded.

“Sorry. It was kind of-”

“No time for excuses. I need to propose this to you before I change my mind. I know the perfect way to enact your plan,” Chloe said with a groan. “I hate myself for even considering it.”

“What are you suggesting?” Adrien’s eyebrows furrowed.

“We’re going to make Dupain-Cheng famous, and I think I know the perfect way to do it.”

[gubler-me-up]

Boo’s and Ghoul’s (MGG request)

Request: hi !! can i request a mgg imagine where it’s halloween night and him and the reader are watching horror movies while eating candy, and it’s all just fluff? thank you for ur time !! :D

A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! We’re like a month away from Halloween and I love spooky season as much as the next person, so this request was fun to write! I was gonna do a double upload with this and Ace, but it never happened because I take 10 years to write a sentence smh (But it’s still Saturday in some places so this is kinda like a double upload am i right? 👁👅👁) Enjoy!!  

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Pure Halloween fluff

Content warning: None, maybe spookiness if you’re not bout that life

Word count: 1.1k

--------------------

Spending Halloween night indoors was the equivalent to Valentine’s Day for Matthew. He was so ecstatic to spend the night cuddling you while watching classic horror movies and eating an endless amount of candy. When October rolled around it was as if a new light sparked in Matthew. Brighter than the light he already was.

You dumped a bag of a classic mix of various popular chocolates into a one of Matthew’s handmade jack-o-lantern bowl. One of the first things he told you when you met he liked doing Halloween arts and crafts the most during the spooky season. You expected to see one or two creations, but were welcomed with at least 30 different Halloween themed crafts when he finally showed you his collection.

“Y/N, do you wanna watch Friday the Thirteenth or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?” You heard Matthew yell from the living room.

“Do you have The Evil Dead?” You asked

“Oh boy, you bet I do,” he said with the utmost excitement.

You giggled to yourself as you threw the empty candy bag in the trash. You went over to his huge pantry to take out a bag of popcorn. You then went to the cabinet to grab the handcrafted Frankenstein bowl he had made. As you turned around, you were greeted with an unpleasant surprise.

“Boo!” Matthew yelled.

You were so caught off guard you dropped the bowl on the ground and it shattered. You squeezed your eyes hoping it wasn’t broken, but when you opened them you saw it was shattered into large glass pieces. You looked back up at Matthew hoping he wasn’t mad you broke his art. To your surprise, he was stifling a hardy laugh.

“Y/N, if you’re this jumpy now, how do you expect to survive watching a series of horror movies?” He laughed.

“The jump scares will be in front of me and not behind me,” you responded.

He let out a booming laugh as he bent down to start picking up the pieces of the bowl. You bent down to help him as you still felt bad for what you did even if he didn’t mind. Before you picked up anything, he stopped your hand. You looked at him confused. He greeted your confused look with a smile.

“It was my fault. How about you get yourself comfortable on the couch as I clean this up?” He said.

“You sure?” You asked.

He nodded. “Of course. I want your nerves settled before we start The Evil Dead.”

You giggled as you got up from the ground. You walked over to the counter where the bowl of candy was resting. You made sure to pick it up carefully before part two of the bowl dropping incident occurred. You walked into the living room to get yourself comfortable on the couch.

You looked around the living room which was decorated to the brim with Halloween decorations. You couldn’t help but admire it every time you walked in or through the area. Bats hanging from the ceiling, carved pumpkins on the fireplace, a skeleton in the corner; it was the real deal.

You placed the bowl beside you as you went to the VCR player. Matthew borrowed his mom’s so you two could watch the VHS originals of the horror movies he collected. He said doing this made for a satisfying viewing experience. He hasn’t been wrong about anything Halloween yet. You saw the VHS for The Evil Dead on the floor and decided to get the movie started at least after all your mess.

You popped in the VHS and scooted back. You didn’t see the main menu appear on the screen. You sighed and laughed to yourself. You didn’t even turn on the T.V. You grabbed the remote and turned it on just to see a horrific face of a zombie-like girl appear on the screen. Out of natural instinct, you screamed out of shock.

You heard Matthew run into the living room. You quickly turned around to see him standing with a ghost bowl full of popcorn. He looked at you in shock and confusion. He then looked at the screen and saw what made you scream in such horror. He let out an uncontrollable laugh as he saw the girl on the T.V.

“I meant to rewind it from the last time I watched it. I’m so sorry you had to be greeted like that,” he said.

He walked over to you and placed the bowl on the coffee table. He took your hands to help you off the ground as he still laughed at your embarrassingly easily scared personality. He gave you a quick peck on the lips before leading you back over to the couch to sit.

“Thanks for helping set up this indoor spookfest, Y/N. For all your brave work I promise to protect you from any ghoul’s,” he said while rewinding the VHS.

“How kind of you, good sir. I don’t want to be dropping bowls on monsters toes now would I,” you said.

He laughed and pressed play when he finished rewinding the movie. He went over to the lights to turn them off. He walked back over to the coffee table and pulled out the lighter from his pocket to light the three candles. The scent of apple spiced cinnamon hit your nose and it felt as if you were in a dream. The Halloween fantasy was fully complete.

He took his place beside you and patted his lap while giving you his signature warm stare. You obliged and placed yourself on his lap with your back against his chest. You reached your hand in the candy bowl to take out a Kit-Kat. You opened it and placed one tiny bar in Matthew’s mouth. He smiled at you as he accepted your gift offering.

“Do you think if I offered a monster some candy, they would leave me alone,” you joked.

He chuckled. “Most monsters, but not vampires.”

“Vampires? Why wouldn’t a vampire leave me alone?” You asked.

You felt him kiss up your shoulder and then lightly sink his canines into the crook of your neck. You let out a slight gasp before giggling along with him. You looked down at him as he took his teeth’s grip off of you.

“Vampires like you too much to just leave you alone,” he said.

“In my books, vampires are just up my alley,” you said.

You kissed him and could taste the air of chocolate in his mouth which made the kiss extra sweet. Both of you then decided it was time to crackdown on paying attention to the movie instead of each other. After all, it was going to be a long, spooky night ahead for you both as you enjoyed each other’s company and endless Halloween treats.

—–

MASTERLIST

[wincore]

vixen | nakamoto yuta

pairing: kitsune!yuta x female!reader

words: 5.1k 

summary: every year, you visit the fox who claims to know everything about you. 

genre: fantasy/folklore, fluff, angst(?)

warnings: suggestive, mention of past bullying, one excessively flirty nakamoto yuta

song rec(s): clear and sunny - sou (cover)

a/n: this is for all you furries who aren’t quite furries yet muah (im joking) but aaaa love exploring folklore and also i should put in a disclaimer that not every aspect adheres to the original tales of the kitsune <3 i did not proofread btw and i am very sorry

Some things never change.

Examples: boys, shitty friends, death, and the scent of nostalgia. To you, that very scent happens to be the earthy smell of chrysanthemums and a faint waft of spices from the kitchen in your parents’ house. To you, October is not just another month. To you, there is one more thing that never changes and it is not your belief in old ghost stories. 

Around this time of the year, the autumn festival begins in a flurry of vibrant red smudges and a whiff of excitement, in streets suddenly brought alive. The skies are candied orange, and it’s the only time you aren’t tired of home. This time is also when you find yourself right in the clutches of the one demon you swore you’d avoid for the rest of your life. You swore. It’s not your fault that said demon is a little, let’s say, tempting. 

Tempting in the most vexing, infuriating way possible. Bewitching, cruel, seducing—all that foxes are and all that you’ve heard of them could not have prepared you for an encounter. Folklore runs deep through you. The memories of a certain fox-boy run deeper. 

It is not the festival you are here for. 

You yawn, leaning against the wooden door frame of the shop. It would be inappropriate to fall asleep on the job, especially since there are a bunch of children staring idly at you. You close your mouth quickly, resting the back of your hand against your lips. Late afternoon is an easy time to fall asleep. You have half the mind to snarl at the kids to scare them off, their gaze getting on your nerves and when you think you will, you turn the other way. Manners come first to you, no matter how temperamental you get. 

The procession has gathered a crowd. Some shouts and squeals from the children make you slump further. At least they’re having fun with whatever stupid game they’re playing. You breathe in the autumn air. A part of you wonders if you simply let your feet lead you down the stairs, you’d be free of this entire ordeal. You shake your head. Temptation has always been hard to resist—never meant to be resisted but you’re much older now. There is dignity to be answered.

October is mild—your grandmother’s shop is still on the verge of collapse, your mother still yells at you for misplacing kitchen utensils and your old friends from school still gossip about who you’re dating. It’s like the script never changes; people change the meaning, twist their words in the same old pattern. If you were a little less behaved, you would have poured your drink over their heads yesterday. 

You clench your jaw. It’s always an ‘Oh, you’re so attractive’ and an ‘I wish I could date as many men as you do but I’m loyal to my boyfriend’, or even a ‘Must be nice being surrounded by boys all the time’. You know what they mean. It’s not the first time you’ve been called a fox, and you don’t think it’ll be the last—at least until you decide to stop letting your hometown suffocate you. Maybe you’ll accept what they say. You have heard of what hatred left unchecked can do.

If you’re honest, you haven’t been with too many men. If you’re a little more honest, none of them have ever made your heart race.

You watch the children play with a keen eye, their painted masks ridiculously large for their faces and in brightly coloured clothes contrasting well with the town. You might not be allowed to fall asleep, but there’s nothing against closing your eyes for a second or two.

The image of glinting yellow eyes and a fanged smile pop up and you quickly open your eyes. You don’t know why your heart beats so loud at the mere thought of him, thoughts in which his lips are full and painted red, and his bright smile is stretched upon them. Sometimes, the thought of him is in gentle washes, his hand fixing your hair, or a flirty smile when you dare stumble upon him on a particularly sleepless night. You shake your head to get rid of the thought. That is not love. Some sort of embarrassing attraction, maybe. However, the friendship you have is worse.

“I see you’re a slacker as always.”

Your grandmother’s voice breaks you out of your cycle of thoughts and you’re almost grateful.

“I sold approximately zero sweets,” you snort. “Why can’t we just do away with the shop?”

“You’re starting to sound like your mother,” your grandma calls from behind one of the counters, distaste ringing clear in her voice. 

You sigh. “Fine, but… you work way too hard to make these for them to not sell.”

“Maybe they would sell if a certain little lady would stay and help.”

You groan, leaning your head back. “You know I have work in the city.”

Your grandmother waves her hand about, dismissing your reasoning. She fiddles around in the shadows for a bit before coming forward with more boxes than she should be able to hold.

“You don’t have to feel too guilty. Yuta’s been helping out,” your grandmother informs fondly. “You could learn a thing or two from him.”

You’re not the superstitious sort and yet still, your heart beats faster. For him, or for the bad omens foxes bring to a household—you don’t know.

You scoff instead. “He’s not as great a guy as you think, grandma. He can be really mean too!”

“Oh, I doubt that. Have you seen his smile? Impossible.” Your grandmother waves it off before drawing nearer, voice hushed without reason. “Have you thought about it then? He is handsome, isn’t he?”

“Grandma.”

You’re not sure what old women go through in their youth that makes them something of a matchmaker in their later years. You think the whole ordeal is messed up. There is no way you’re going to stick your nose into your grandchildren’s love life; it’s gross.

“These should be enough for the children, no?” Your grandmother asks and you look up.

“You’re giving them away for free?” you question, furrowing your eyebrows. “And you talk about bad business.”

She places her hand on her hip, pointing an accusatory finger. “You’re going to lecture your grandmother?”

You raise your hands up in defeat, standing up to help her with the red boxes of acorn candy and paper wraps of roasted chestnuts. You end up with the entire load in your arms, your grandmother happily shuffling about as she locks up the store.

You turn sharply at the surprised sound behind you. The evening has settled in and glowing lanterns bring forward the evidence, the darkening streets flooding with round droplets of light.

But it is not the festival you are looking at.

Yuta looks somewhat serene, your cheeks heating up despite yourself. You look at him with bated breath, hoping the boxes obscure your face enough to make the vaguely positive emotions less evident. The dark red jacket draped over his shoulder does not look out of place—in fact, he fits in so well you would’ve mistaken him for another face in the crowd if he weren’t stupidly gorgeous. He looks at you with no strong emotion in the eyes before breaking into a smile; and when his hand strokes the top of your head as a greeting, he seems fond. He always does.

“Grandma,” he calls with his best smile, turning to the old woman.

Your grandmother doesn’t need any more convincing of his character. 

“Oh, there you are! Did I tell you (name)’s back? I wanted to break the news to you earlier. Ah…I must have forgotten.”

You glance from Yuta to her. Is this another one of her tricks and tests?

“She’s always here this time of the year,” he responds, laughing politely.

“Ah, you remembered,” she says, eyes crescent as she smiles back. “Help her with the boxes. The city has made her so frail.”

“I’m good,” you choke on the words, hurriedly moving away and almost dropping one of the boxes.

You slip on your sandals and scurry off faster, wishing he’d just stay behind. He always has. The air makes you shiver but you’re adamant; and it’s not the only trait of yours to make relationships fail.

“You know, you should be nicer to old friends.”

You try not to react when Yuta takes the boxes from you, matching your pace almost effortlessly.

“I thought foxes ran away once they’re found out,” you snap, reluctantly letting him take the packages.

Yuta rolls his eyes. “I see you still aren’t very fond of me.”

“Not when you’re tricking my grandmother like this,” you hiss.

“You call helping trickery?” he retaliates.

“Foxes bring bad business,” you mutter.

“I’m the reason your grandmother’s business is somewhat above the water.”

You sigh, exasperated. There’s no point in wasting your breath. You look away, crossing your arms as you walk, the silence between the two of you suddenly awkward. Even so, you’re not going to open your mouth for him.

“Would you two slow down?” your grandmother calls, voice weary. “We’re already there.”

The two of you halt in your tracks immediately, taking mellow steps back to her. She looks over the two of you with furrowed eyebrows and you try to think of an explanation when she starts laughing.

“Oh, I don’t mind the two of you flirting,” she says, littered with slow laughter. “Just make sure the food is where it’s supposed to be.”

You’re about to refute when Yuta laughs, the sound still boyish and lively. “Of course. (name) missed me so much this year, she couldn’t help herself.”

You give him a pointed look which he ignores, deliberately or not. “We- I wasn’t—”

“Grandmother, if you’ll give us permission,” he interrupts, settling the packages on the table by the food stall and smiling wide. “We’ll go enjoy the festival now.”

She bobs her head in affirmation and Yuta grabs your hand to pull you into the bustling street, your silent plea for help ignored by your smug grandmother.

“What are you doing?” you ask, slipping your hand from his. “You aren’t- You aren’t trying to eat my liver, are you?”

“Why the liver? Can’t I have the rest of you too?”

It’s not like you were particularly alarmed but his response makes you feel a flush of embarrassment.

“It’s been a year since I last saw you,” he says before his voice turns a shade cooler. “Have you thought about my proposal?”

You fall silent. The overthinking started last year too. Your thoughts and dreams, so easily pervaded by him and all it took was one sentence. 

“We should get married.”

“Why did you even think I’d agree to that?” You try not to get too flustered. He knows all your petty weaknesses and you’d rather not have them on display for him to stare and pick at. “What the fuck would I get out of marrying you?”

Yuta whistles. “I like your tongue. But—yes, to answer your question, you’d get a very handsome and capable husband. Your bed will always be warm and oh, speaking of beds—”

You clamp your hand over his mouth at the suggestive look he sends, worried about being spotted by one of your school friends. Ah, right—friends, the very same people that smell of jealousy and won’t miss any opportunity to throw a jab your way. Friends. You can’t believe you’re still afraid of their judgement.

“And why do you want to get married to me?” you ask, looking into his eyes.

There’s a pause, filled with the chatter of the crowd.

“You look like you’re afraid of finding someone,” he speaks finally, ignoring your question. “Or is it the other way around?”

You roll your eyes, ready to walk off when he grabs your wrist to pull you closer to his chest. It draws some looks from nearby people, your eyes darting from face to face in fear. You take a deep breath and look at Yuta again, almond eyes distracting. 

“People will think we’re lovers,” you whisper, almost a hiss.

“What’s wrong with that?”

You breathe out in disbelief. “You’re really something.”

“What? Why did you always come to meet me then? Behind the keyaki tree?”

“It wasn’t for you,” you lie quickly. “I had nothing better to do.”

Pining after a fox? You could never have feelings for him. Even so, your answer comes off childish and silly, and somehow he’s the only one to be able to draw that side of you—the you that is messy and unprepared.

Yuta smiles in return. “You think people can’t fall in love with us the same way they fall in love with most everything.”

It’s a statement, not a question.

“How conservative of you,” he leaves with an airy remark, but not before urging you to follow him.

The sizzling sound of food being fried and the knocking, clicking sound of children playing games, all these forgotten sounds grow louder and for a second, if only you let yourself, you could close your eyes and it would be just like your first date. 

No. It’s different. You look up, eyes trailing over Yuta’s back, his golden hair, how his figure moves with ease and confidence.

It is different.

You raise an eyebrow at the box of takoyaki Yuta shoves towards you, an expecting look across his face.

“You like this, don’t you?” he asks, an uncharacteristic hesitation in his voice.

You hum in response, taking the box from him and saving yourself the trouble of asking whether he paid for it or simply charmed his way through. 

“Eh, no thank you?” he complains. “How polite.”

You scrunch your nose to accompany an exaggerated smile and he laughs, the two of wandering over the asphalt streets. Your hands are close enough to brush—and if a twenty-something year-old woman can feel jittery because of it, hands truly are meant to share warmth. The smell of candy and caramel fills the air, making you smile. You’ve saved enough for the taste of home, you think. 

The taste of home. 

Inevitably, the thought of kissing your companion crosses your mind and you stop in your tracks. Whatever. It must be natural when someone as attractive is beside you. Those aren’t feelings. You curse yourself for feeling like a teenager again.

The festival grounds aren’t as shabby as you expect them to be. The city,—if you could call this one—stops here and the earth spreads out to the forest behind. The crowd also thins, and you take a fresh breath. They’re selling old books in the corner, but no one seems to be there.

“The raccoon dogs,” Yuta whispers in your ear, with an arcane smile. “Want to visit those rascals?”

You roll your eyes. He knows you’ve heard one too many folktales for a lifetime, seen one too many. It’s time to go home, especially now that the thought of thanking him crosses your mind. You’re about to turn when your shoulder crashes into someone else’s. A surprised, syrupy smile greets you, which you cannot return for the first few moments. Yui’s smile wavers and you flash her a quick smile. A friend. Her arm is looped through her lover’s, the one she never shuts up about and suddenly the urge to pour water over her head returns.

Yuta glances from you to her before pressing his lips together, as if suppressing laughter. You’re almost offended when Yui laughs flippantly.

“You’re on a date too? I knew you couldn’t stand spending the festival alone,” she says, tugging her lover closer. 

People have always told you who you are and what you do. As if they know better.

You smile awkwardly. “It’s… actually not—”

“Oh, don’t be shy.” She gently pats your shoulder before leaning in. “He’s a real catch. As expected from you. You can never leave the boys alone.”

You know what she really means. You’ve heard the same words in high school when she was shoving you into a wall behind the school. The sickening smile is still on her face.

You gulp, feeling sixteen again. The lack of people around somehow makes it more awkward and you’re about to excuse yourself when suddenly, Yuta bumps into Yui and his warm drink spills over her left shoulder. Your eyes widen, more in confusion. When did he leave? You don’t doubt his ability to sneak past people, but surely you couldn’t have been so enraptured in your own feelings that you barely noticed.

“I’m so sorry,” Yuta says, voice honeyed with surprise.

Yui looks like she’s about to explode when she looks at him, her expression dropping to a calmer one almost immediately.

It’s an easy look to recognize. They always have it when they first meet Yuta, whether it’s the smile that’s too dazzling or the pretty round eyes. 

How persuasive, those eyes.

“Ah… I must have not seen you,” she says faintly, and Yuta’s smile widens.

Before he can stir up more trouble, you slip your arm into his and pull him away, not caring for another polite apology to an old, almost nameless face.

“I was having fun,” Yuta complains, voice still smug and calm.

You glare at him and it only seems to add fuel to the fire, to whatever cold fire dances at his fingertips. 

“You’re happy, right? Don’t look at me like that. You should reward me.”

You don’t respond, looking away and hoping to get at least a word in about how troublesome he is every single time you visit. Yuta has other plans, however. Leaning his head to look you in the eye, he maintains a distance which looks perfectly decent but feels less than so.

“How about a kiss? I deserve one, don’t I?” He moves his head closer to yours, making you shy away.

You grab him by the belt and pretend to not catch a glimpse of the pleased look on his face as you drag him into a secluded part by the forest.

It’s quieter here, so much that you can almost hear your own heart drumming in your chest, and the faint light of the distant festival grounds doesn’t help much at all. It’s dark as dusk, and you can only make out Yuta’s jawline and a faint smirk over his lips. You think that if a fox ever wanted to eat your liver, this would be the perfect spot.

“You did something,” you finally utter the words. “You did something to me.”

“Why do you think I did something? Do you mean love?” he responds with a cheeky smile. “This means you’ve been thinking about me? How cute—”

“Yuta, stop it,” you warn. 

“Or what? You should stop me yourself.”

You grab the lapels of his jacket, the cloth bunching as your knuckles turn white. The anger you feel isn’t the first of its kind—it’s just a little funny how it’s always Yuta every time, making you remember the burning feeling time and time again. You find yourself unable to respond. 

“Oh, don’t hold back,” he provokes, leaning in.

You push at his chest in exasperation, but he grabs your wrists before you can retract your hands.

“Scared?” he whispers.

You pull apart anyway, a scowl over your lips. “You’re as annoying as ever. Don’t you have anyone else to bother?”

“Ooh! Sharp claws. You’d be lovely as my fox-bride.” he teases. 

Your face flares with heat. “I’m not your… I’m not a fox.”

“I didn’t say a fox, I said—”

“I know what you said,” you snap, massaging your wrist so you don’t have to look at him.

Yuta falls quiet for a moment, voice lower when he speaks again.

“Is it so nasty to be called a fox? There are worse things, you know.”

You scoff, growing increasingly annoyed. “Of course you’d say that. I hate it. I hate this town. I hate foxes and I hate you.”

Yuta places a hand over his chest, gasping with no emotion. Your eyes linger over his long, painted nails a little longer before you meet his eyes. A part of you regrets saying the words but you couldn’t help it. The shroud choking your hometown makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs every time you’re here. You hate this place.

But you don’t hate him, after all. 

You try to clear yourself of the thought. A gentle gust of wind brings you back to the present, Yuta still glancing at you with no giveaway to what he’s feeling.

“You wouldn’t make a terrible fox though,” he says, eyes sharp. “Don’t they know you’re a vixen already? How many livers will you eat?”

You suck in a breath, tears stinging at your eyes. However, it’s not like you to get so easily affected by him. No. No, somehow that doesn’t make sense either. Those words do hurt from Yuta and you’re not sure if it’s just because he's the only one you didn’t expect them from.

“You…”

“What? Aren’t you going to lash at me again? You’re so predictable.”

His voice is calm despite your obvious annoyance and you feel flames lick at your heart. Your hand moves before you can think, about to meet his cheek when he grabs your wrist. You struggle, trying to pull free but to no avail and you use the other hand to hit him in the chest. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t bother him and that same feline smile curves up his lips.

You feel something you haven’t before, a warm growl at the pit of your stomach.

You push with all your strength, catching Yuta off guard and he stumbles backward but not before pulling you into him. Consequently, either of you lose footing and land on the grass with a sudden thud, Yuta’s side pressed against yours. His hands still clutch your wrist, and he shifts to hover over you.

“We used to wrestle like this as a litter,” he says, erupting into full laughter. “Ah, memories. I don’t even know if they’re alive or dead now.”

Yuta is much stronger than he looks, and he’s taken your tantrum as a source of amusement much to your infuriation. He has your hands pinned back, eyes unaffected as he scans over your face. You try to shift but there’s just too much weight on you. You breathe slowly, chest rising and falling in time with his. His earrings sway gently in the wind, dangling a few inches above you—he’s pretty, so pretty. Admitting defeat has never been your forte but now that your senses are gathering again, you feel a flush of embarrassment for losing your temper. 

Or perhaps, it is something else when you register the lack of distance between your noses.

“Playtime’s over,” Yuta coos. “You’re kinda cute when you’re losing.”

He tilts his head, an adoring smile over his lips. For a moment, they’re all you see.

Can a fox comfort you? Can a fox make you feel loved on the darkest of nights? Your mind races with questions your heart does not want to answer. 

Yuta leans in to close the distance and despite every nerve in your body, you turn your head away. You can hear him gulp, the following moments painfully quiet before he gets up. Your breath is soft and shallow, lying on the ground till you get enough courage to sit up. 

You almost gasp. His tails are clearer under the dim moonlight, all nine of them golden and luxurious. The light hitting his face isn’t any less flattering and once again you are reminded of how handsome he is, fairytale or not. 

Yuta looks uncomfortable, and that’s a first for you.

“I’m sorry,” you say, though you don’t know why.

He waves his hand dismissively, annoyed.

“Yuta,” you take a step forward.

“I see the way you look at me,” he says quietly, “Is it not want?”

You fall silent, biting your lip so you don’t retort violently. He doesn’t look particularly malicious when he says that but you do not want to give him the satisfaction of an answer yet.

He quietens for a moment before a look of curiosity flashes across his features.

“What is it then?” he asks. “Is it a secret? Foxes love secrets. Tell me.”

Despite every bone in your body burning up, you find it in yourself to laugh.

“I don’t think I could keep a secret from you if I tried,” you finally say, before bursting into soft laughter again.

Yuta looks at you puzzled, lips parted while he stands frozen as if he were a painting. A daunting, reckless, heavenly painting.

“It’s not want,” you answer quietly. “It’s more than that. Even if I hated it. I like you.”

Yuta’s ears perk up at your confession. “So- so you admit, then? You are interested?”

“I could blame you for this, you know?” You shrug, hugging yourself once the night starts to feel cold again. Yuta begins to take off his jacket when you stop him, gently pressing your palm against his chest. 

“You’re a fox, after all,” you whisper. “Like me. What they think of me.”

Yuta purses his lips. “Does it really hurt you? No, wait. Did they- did they—”

“Now, you tell me,” you cut him off. “Why do you insist on getting married—to me?”

There’s a pause. The crickets chirp a merry tune despite the leisurely darkness of the night.

“You’re not terrible,” he says, nonchalantly.

You glare at him and he raises his hands in defeat. He looks wearier the more you look at him.

“I want to grow old,” he mumbles after a long pause. “Properly.”

You hold your breath.

“And you want to do it with me?”

Another flower blooms in your chest, as if he hasn’t planted a garden in there already. The lights from the festival flicker down, the lanterns burning brighter in the distance. He glances at them for a moment, your eyes still fixated on him. 

The tails glow even brighter in the dark, as if gold in broad daylight. You’ve always been curious about him and his kind, all the stories; but he says he’s too old to remember if you ask.

You reach out to touch one of the tails, wondering if the fur is as warm as it looks. They’re pale and captivating, but they look so soft—they shouldn’t belong to an animal so vicious. Is he, though? Is he all that you think he is or have all these years failed you? If anything, he’s quite probably not as much a fox as you are, you think bitterly.

The fur is warm, but the realization is short-lived.

A short growl leaves the corner of his mouth. Yuta glares at you like he was stolen from and yet, you do not move your hand. Some part of you wants to aggravate him further.

“I’m not a pet,” he snaps. “Stop that.”

“You should stop me yourself,” you mimic his voice.

Yuta’s shoulders relax, and he looks down but you can still see the trembling smile on his face. It’s the way he looks at you, you think to yourself, maybe that's the reason after all.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you say, feeling warmer than the autumn night should allow.

“Like what?” he asks, still smiling.

You look away. 

“You’re not too fox-like, you know?” you mumble. “You’re just annoying. And flirty. And annoying.”

Yuta chuckles, before pressing his palm to the top of your head. 

“And you’re lovely.”

You give in to the gesture of affection, leaning your head to press against his shoulder.

“Why do you even do all this? What do you get out of it?” you say, voice muffled. He hears you clearly, however.

“Because I love you,” he responds, as if coming to terms with it himself. “More than you think.”

There is no joke, no flirtation to his tone, no decoration upon his words. It’s plain, and laid bare. And sometimes, simplicity is scariest. 

You pull back, lips pulled into a frown. The air is cold once more; the longing for warmth flowing into you. The silence is worse.

“You don't believe foxes can fall in love,” he states softly upon a wavering smile. “I knew that. Of course.”

A part of him believes it too.

“I…” you begin, and for the first time, you are afraid of promises in the name of love. You are the one making them now.

“I’ll believe you,” you whisper, “I’ll believe you so please… please take care of me.”

You place your palm against his cheek, his skin bewitchingly warm. 

“Only if you take care of me,” he whispers back, leaning in.

This time, you do not move.

The lovers’ kiss you’d been searching for—lovers’ warmth, lovers’ comfort—all of it comes crashing down once Yuta tightens his arm around your waist, the other hand resting gently at the base of your neck. He kisses with the right amount of pressure, the vague taste of sweet berries in his mouth.

You used to fear his touch, like he would eat you whole; even if they have been gentle, always. This time, you might as well let him. He presses his lips from your cheek to jaw to neck, lingering at each spot enough to make you clutch at his shirt tighter, taking in short gasps of breath. You kiss for a little longer, like time means nothing.

“We should go back,” you whisper, pulling apart.

Yuta kisses you again, the distance unacceptable. 

“Yuta—”

He kisses you once more, your calls falling on deaf ears.

Finally, after another long kiss, he pulls apart enough to rest his forehead against yours, eyes still closed.

“It must have been hard for you,” he mumbles.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” you scoff.

“Foxes are faithful lovers, you know?” he insists.

You laugh. “What do you mean?”

“It means I’ll follow you everywhere.”

He stands up straight, his thumb stroking your cheek as he bites back a smile.

“I don’t think we should get back tonight,” he suggests all of a sudden. “We could book a hotel. That’s the place you use these days, right? I’m sure your grandmother will understand your absence—”

You groan, resting your forehead against his shoulder and he presents a delighted laugh in return. It is warm by his side; he is warm. You find it easy to forget the failures in love, the loneliness of a lover that isn’t meant to be yours. Folktales are just long tales, after all. You smile to yourself. 

You should’ve known—it was the fox all along. 

[bryan360]

My YCCTEAM's Wireless Switch Pro Controller - Part 16/Final (Career Mode racing in Asphalt 9: Legends)

What's up guys? Welcome back to be at another YCCTEAM Controller topic review share, but guess what? This will be the final video post that I've been waiting for a long time or in case a year half and months since the beginning of revealing my controller back in 🎃October 3rd, 2020. Even though it needed takes time to make sure to correct in details such as doing comparison from my other controllers, testing its buttons, battery charging to battery life results, and pretty much else I've been gone through in months. However, there is one more topic review post that I'm bringing to an end as of my decision; especially when if I'll be doing other topic reviews to my new items soon.

For today's post though, I decided to merge two videos as originally gotten both recordings from last week I've been saving. It's something that I should've done from my past video postings while I'm in YCCTEAM Controller topic reviews, but nevertheless it was alright when I'm getting used to. Anyways, I'm back to try out my final testing as you expected while I'm at Asphalt 9: Legends again. This time I'll turn up the notch by doing real racing with other opponents in career mode and both of the control settings to use after from doing tutorial last month.

Here it is as I'm in track based on San Franciso; the same place I've already cleared its first challenge back in January 18th, 2020. Link Here

I also did the second challenge during part 3 of my Asphalt 9: Legend’s career progress to remember. Link Here #2

However for this topic review post to share, I wanted to go back its first challenge to race through like I did in last year, but showing off my YCCTEAM Controller again and using the same car of Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution; as I previously used on few challenges or just one during my career progress from last year. I'm giving some upgrades along the way, but hoping I can show it during my contining Asphalt 9: Legend's progress soon. Let's get into it as It'll be the final topic review post for my controller.

During two of my recording videos being merged, I'm using my controller to show as I'm racing through San Francisco track against other racers like I previously did in January 2020....two times to be exact when I used both different control settings from manual to gyro like last time when I'm showing off during tutorial mode last month.

It's gonna be different to see which settings I can used for my career mode in progress; despite being obvious it had to be manual settings with pressing buttons for acceleration, brake, and nitro boost. I'm just making this as I'll go along when using both settings once again. I'll even bring the results after crossing the finish line for the races end and how much did I do in time. If I can remember my first one back in Janaury 2020 was 00:43.366 or 43 minutes and 366 seconds while during its first challenge I gotten. Here's my last year's screenshot in high quality to get a better look.

Just wondering how it can compared to my other two racing results during this recording. Well I'll tell ya this is gonna be interesting and hoping to my closest friends to see as well.

On first half until 1:22, I'm doing my first racing through San Franciso track in title "City Dash" where I needed to reach the goal from other opponents they'll trying to catch on me. I did good while using my YCCTEAM Controller in manual setting with the steering analog stick and some tricks like jumping on ramps. However, I was bumping into things while I'm trying to press the left button for brake and drifts, but other times was performing the 360 move at opponents for no strange reason that I'm trying to get knockdowns. ^^* (at least I did have one knockdown on first half, though) Anyways while continuing my race, I made it to a finish line at the end from doing turns, jumping into ramps like two times, and some bumping into walls that I'm trying my best to dodge those. So my racing time results was unexpected since January 2020 is the very first one I've gotten while I'm in manual. Instead, my new racing time results change to 00:44.647 or 44 minutes and 647 seconds while I'm in manual settings a second time as before. I was so close that it should've been much lesser than that if I could make some room in obstacle or something. Nevertheless, it was of really was while doing my YCCTEAM Controller post to share, but at least it was a good first half.

As for the second half though, I'm switched up to gyro control when using my controller to move left and right. During another racing track through San Francisco, I've gotten into somewhat good start as well when using my controller to move my car and the buttons for acceleration, brake/drift, etc while reaching the racing goal again. That being said however as I'm still working on some "errors" while having to race against opponents. Mostly though was while perform my ramp jump, I've almost getting crash into the wall just before landing on the road by luck. It happens at 02:14 to 02:18, but man that it was still lucky or otherwise would've been ruin if I'll start all over again. I tried to steer to get away from and some others that I've keep bump into to get knockdowns at opponents. Nevertheless, it was not bad second half to make while moving my controller in gyro settings; just wanted to work on its sensitivity of adjust along the way. How's my racing time results during it though was really unexpected is 00:43.334 or 43 minutes and 334 seconds to compared on others. (January. 18th, 2020's and September. 8th, 2021's in two recordings merged) Let's just say in other words, the gyro setting I did during second half takes the top spot here by surprise. Maybe because I putting nitro boost for its speed just to catch up at opponents before reaching the finish line? Or simply put on fate to see how do well in gyro settings I've been practicing; like last time when you've see me during my past topic review post while I'm in tutorial mode. Either way, it was pretty not bad to know how I managed to get there during second half recording I gotten; after checking the racing time results changes to 43 minutes and 334 seconds.

My thoughts and a final conclusion for this topic

Just like from last month when using my YCCTEAM Controller for tutorial test, I did really well for this one when I'm in career mode racing through San Francisco. After doing two settings both manual and gyro motion was another review test to see how which would I prefer to use when I can continuing on my career mode in progress and another for hoping there's normal race mode to unlock. I had missteps along the way; including the one during second half where I was almost crashed into the building's wall until I safely landed. Nevertheless, they're both alright when I'm taking my time off to see what racing results I have in both. Unexpected for gyro motion controls having to recognized that it compared from what I did in Janaury 18th, 2020 when clearing its first challenge at 43 minutes and 366 seconds. However for manual settings like I did before that was so close to match; as it underperformed at 44 minutes and 647 seconds. Thought I could handing well like last time if needed, but guessing I've miss calculating a little. So that's means gyro motion setting won? Doesn't matter though as they're both good tests while using my YCCTEAM Controller to show; just like last month when I'm cleared through tutorial mode. However, I'll be closing this topic review to an end after long time of giving details, comparison to other of my controllers, batteries, and more I gone through so far.

🐰🖌Maxwell: Yeah. We've been waiting for after year and the half when he did his best of reviewing this alternative controller to work on his Nintendo Switch system. If I could remember, there are good ones to choose from other past posts; like when he did on Super Smash Bros match with Mario against Banjo & Kazooie.

🐰👊💥May: There's more than that, Maxwell. Like doing his button test it works alright; especially knowing fits well then previously use his Joy-Cons when it had the R button stop working and of course drifting. Hoping it won't effect his YCCTEAM Controller anytime soon.

🦊⚽️Sam: You said it. At least rest assured when it comes to making his topic review, the YCCTEAM Controller had a good run with its battery life, the design to make as a similar Switch Pro Controller, and impressive feedback or response when playing those games in manual or gyro motion setting in Asphalt 9: Legends for example.

Thanks, Sam. I think I can give this a positive thumbs up 👍🏼 for how I using my YCCTEAM Controller to my Nintendo Switch system. Except some minor cons like when turning the rumble features on to my controller that it keep on rumbling through Super Mario Odyessy's cutscenes.

🐰🖌Maxwell: Or another one when you trying to turn on your Nintendo Switch system with your pro controller's home button, but doesn't work it right unlike your used Joy-Cons for some reason.

Yeah, that too. I'm fine to turn on my Switch system manually anyways, but would like that if the developers ever updated my controller so it can be easy to press the home button to activate my system just as easily. Someday, but not today I guess. Anyways, hope you guys and my closest friends to check out my lastest YCCTEAM Controller topic review to share and to my final conclusion after giving my thoughts about from year and half ago. I'm hoping to take it rest and continuing on other stuff like I'm promised to bring my own Super Mario 3D All-Star progress to share for example. I had too much things to get through that I nearly forgotten. Sorry if it happens. 😔

There's one more thing, though. If you finded interests about getting the YCCTEAM Controller like I have, then maybe you can check out at other online stores such as Amazon.com. it cost $25.99 or $26.00 in price which it can affordable if you called that in different way. I even check through search to see its there and it was still available as I link to this one. Link Here

Not sure if it'll work on other countries, but I would like to see when my P-Pal managed to get those in other online stores he could find, but just saying. 😅

Previous Posts for my YCCTEAM’s Pro Controller Topic:

Wireless Switch Pro Controller for Nintendo Switch/Switch Lite (Part 1) - Link Here #1

My YCCTEAM’s Wireless Switch Pro Controller for Nintendo Switch/Switch Lite Unboxing (Part 2) - Link Here #2

My YCCTEAM’s Wireless Switch Pro Controller for Nintendo Switch/Switch Lite Comparison with my Xbox One (Part 3) - Link Here #3

My YCCTEAM’s Wireless Switch Pro Controller for Nintendo Switch/Switch Lite Comparison with my Nintendo Switch’s Joy-Cons (Part 4) - Link Here #4

Testing Buttons (Part 5) - Link Here #5

Rumble Feature Testing (Part 6) - Link Here #6

Battery Charging Test (Part 7) - Link Here #7

Playtime Battery Life Results (Part 8) - Link Here #8

Gyro and Motion Controls 1st Half (Part 9) - Link Here #9

Gyro and Motion Controls 2nd Half (Part 9.5) - Link Here #10

Playtime through Super Mario 3D All-Stars game in Super Mario 64 #1 - Link Here #11

Playtime through Super Mario 3D All-Stars game in Super Mario 64 #2 - Link Here #12

Playtime through Super Smash Bros Ultimate #1 - Link Here #13

Playtime through Super Smash Bros Ultimate #2 - Link Here #14

Tutorial through Asphalt 9: Legends #1 - Link Here #15 Tutorial through Asphalt 9: Legends #2 - Link Here #16

[alltooreid]

All Too Well

Spencer must go to him and Y/N’s once shared apartment to clean out his things and leave her life forever. While there he can’t help but look back on his actions, the ones that made him lose the love of his life forever

A/N: Hi!! This is my first fanfic ever published on here and I’m excited to share it with you all! It’s inspired by one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs All Too Well, but although I utilized some of the lyrical genius and imagery from it, the story is not the same as the story in the song. This is a very angsty fic, and there is not a happy ending. Although there are some cute fluffy elements, including a Reid’s purple scarf origin story, I would in no way call this happy. Additionally, because of a reason you may later realize, the content warnings are very vague. If anything even slightly mentioned in them may affect you, I advise you to maybe stay clear. On a lighter note, if anyone wants to request anything, whether it’s another song inspired fic or a general plot line you would like to see please do so!! Also sorry this is kinda short, I’m still learning but I’m really proud of this one :))

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Type: Very Angsty, Not a Happy Ending, (Y/N and Spencer do not end up together)

Word Count: 2.4k

Content Warnings(try to ignore if you would prefer to stay surprised): slight cursing, discussions of death and gore, discussion of car crash

Things to Know: Italics and bold are flashback moments :) let me know what you think!

“But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence And it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'Cause you remember it all too well”

Spencer was packing up his things, finally getting the chance to clear out and move from the apartment he and Y/N once shared.  Their relationship was rocky and unconventional but he loved her all the same. Even though he left her broken-hearted and destroyed his most cherished relationship. Even though Y/N’s parents now hated him because of what he did to her. Even though hope of repairing what they once had was long gone and there was nothing else he could do about it. Even though he had torn up the masterpiece they once had together. He still loved her so much.

But the magic was gone and so was she. 

Now Spencer was left with memories, and since the apartment they lived in was hers instead of his, filed entirely under hers and her parents name. In his excessive knowledge and wisdom, Spencer Reid struggled to understand how the kitchen where Y/N told him she loved him for the first time as he lit the candle on the collapsing confetti cake he had attempted to bake for her birthday was in no way legally tied to him. 

“Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to Y/N! Happy birthday to you!” Spencer sang as he lit the single pink birthday candle he found after rummaging through his desk drawers for longer than he cared to admit. He knew it was in there somewhere, but at the same time there was a whole lot in there. 

As he looked at her face, eyes welling up with tears as she took in the sad, homemade excuse for a birthday party Spencer had thrown together after they got back from a case hours before, he couldn’t help but feel he should have done more. He wanted to take her to New York, where they would’ve enjoyed fine dining and one of those incredibly detailed floral frosting cakes he knew Y/N was infatuated with. 

However, the case in Oregon ran long. They had only returned to their apartment 2 hours ago, hours past their 7pm dinner reservations. Although Y/N tried to hide her disappointment, you don’t need to be a profiler to know that someone wants to celebrate their own birthday. So although they had agreed to go to bed and play everything by ear tomorrow, the young genius had, what he would still argue to be, his most brilliant idea when he saw Y/N asleep once he got out of the shower.

It was still her birthday.

And Spencer had just under 2 hours to throw you a party. 

So sure, Y/N deserved more than a cake that was definitely not cool enough to frost, but was frosted anyway due to time constraints. And she definitely deserved more than present hastily wrapped in his printed out articles and newspaper clippings. Spencer wished that he had time to go buy new candles, instead of lighting a green sparkly number 7 because it was all he could find.

But it was almost midnight, and that meant he only had 18 minutes before it wasn’t Y/N’s birthday anymore.

So instead of dwelling on it, he headed to their bedroom, shook her awake and watched her roll over to face him. He watched the smile overtake her face as she said the stupid party hat he was wearing, made out of a pom pom and a wedding invitation.

“Hey birthday girl,” he said softly, “you do realize you’re sleeping through your party right?”

She looked so happy that night, even as she saw the way too messy kitchen and her birthday cake that was melting by the second. She laughed as Spencer fumbled with the lighter. 

And as he finished singing her eyes started releasing tears. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I wish we could’ve done more for the first birthday we get to spend together. “

“No, no, no” she said as she wiped her tears away, “It’s not that at all.”

She smiled and looked up at him “I just love you so goddamn much Spencer.”

Although at one point, all Spencer knew was logic and logically Y/N had never ever known him when she filed her paperwork, the genius still struggled to grasp the concept. That even before the ending of it all, you had no legal, definite connection to her at all. 

How was nothing about this place, his? 

  All that he knew was that he had today to pack all his shit and leave. All he knew is that Y/N’s father had made it very clear none of their family wanted to see him again. 

He wished he could talk to Y/N about it. However all of his calls went to voicemail immediately. 

Logically, Spencer knew why, he had completely fucked up. 

But still, he called every single day, as there was nothing his heart wished for more than to speak to Y/N again. To apologize, to beg for forgiveness he knew he didn’t deserve.

As the cold air from the open windows blew into the apartment, Spencer couldn’t help but feel he was leaving his home behind. Everything left of her was going to be here, and he wouldn’t get to experience any part of the life you and him had once shared together anymore.

But then he saw it. 

The royal purple scarf Y/N bought the day of their first date. 

“You like this color right?” she asked as they stopped by a booth at the street festival she had taken him to. Spencer was too distracted as he watched the other couples on dates, as they walked hand and hand down the streets. He sometimes wished he could forget things like the number of germs and bacteria that lived on her hands. He at least wished he could forget long enough to gather enough courage to hold Y/N’s hand as they walked down the sidewalk.

“Hmm?” he said, looking back at her, then the scarf she was now wearing. “Oh, yeah! I love that color, it um- looks great on you.”

She smiled, then turned to the weird old guy running the stand. “How much for the scarf?” she asked.

He looked at her, then looked at Spencer, “depends which one of you is paying.”

Before Spencer could say anything, let alone pull out his wallet, Y/N already had hers out. 

“Well, for a pretty lady like you, it’s 2 dollars,” the man said.

She handed him five and turned to Spencer. “You hear that? I’m so pretty I get 80% off! Wonder what you would’ve paid huh pretty boy? He would probably owe you money.” The man handed her her change and whispered something Spence couldn’t quite catch. 

“Gross,” Y/N said as they exited the booth, “he wrote his number on my change.”

Spencer chuckled, “Did you really just buy that scarf because I like the color of it?”

She smiled, “Don’t get so cocky now Einstein, I like purple too you know? And maybe if you’re lucky I’ll let you borrow it.”

At that moment Spencer felt just okay enough to wrap his arm around Y/N’s, and she felt just right enough to wrap the new scarf around them both. 

The one she left next to her front door, after making the last minute decision to leave it at home the night of their final outing.

No one would notice if he….. Right?

Sure maybe Y/N would but what would she do about it? Hunt him down just to get a scarf she paid less than five dollars for? Definitely not. 

He wrapped it around his neck and closed his eyes, even days later he could perfectly picture Y/N singing in his car, fascinated by the autumn leaves falling around her. He felt the wind in his hair, but instead of the cold, dreary air from the open apartment window, he swore he could remember the warm air from that October night. 

“Spencer I know you hate it but please, please, please. I’m so tired.”

“Sweetheart you’re not tired, you’re drunk. Of course I have to drive you home.”

“Oh, whatever.”

A phone call broke him away from his memories, it was Hotch. Spencer was angry, how effortlessly cruel of him to call him during such an emotional time. Hotch knew how much Spencer loved Y/N, the whole team did. 

So he didn’t pick up.

Instead he walked over to the coffee table they used to put their feet on when they binged watched Doctor Who together. Letting the ringtone play out in the background, Spencer picked up an old photo album Y/N’s parents must have brought out. Of course he remembered it, it was the same one they flipped through when he met Y/N’s parents for the first time. He didn’t realize she had brought it home with her.

His eyes welled up with tears as he flipped through the old school pictures, remembering how embarrassed Y/N was of her big glasses. He saw her old athlete pictures from when she used to play tee ball, and flipped through more pictures until he reached the end of your softball career, in college. 

He remembered how hard Y/N blushed when she showed him her childhood bedroom. Her twin sized bed was full of stuffed animals and her walls covered in boy band posters. 

“You know what Spencer? I don’t want to hear it. I loved and still love the BackStreet Boys and I am not ashamed of that.”

He laughed, “You know, before we started dating I always thought you were so cool and unattainable. I imagined that you had always been this chic, beautifully brilliant badass. It’s oddly comforting to know that you wore tortoiseshell glasses and had a fruitless infatuation with Nick Carter.”

She gasped, before tossing her tabby cat stuffed toy at him, “You’re about to get it!”

Once again he was called out of the memory by his phone. 

And once again he let it ring.

Spencer went into their shared bedroom, most of his things were already put into boxes for him. Honestly he was surprised that they hadn’t been set on fire or thrown away after what he did. 

Soon it was time for him to take his things down to his car.

Except it wasn’t even his car. It was Morgan’s.

“Spencer, you are the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my entire life. I am infatuated with you, I want us to spend the rest of our lives together.”

“You sure that isn’t the alcohol talking Y/N”

“Look at me Spencer, no, no really look at me.”

He couldn’t imagine ever using his old car again after what had happened in it.

“You are my future.”

Not that he could use it again.

“You are my everything.”

It was pretty much destroyed, after that accident on that little town street.

“I want nothing more in my life, than for you to be in it.”

When he was so enamored by Y/N, so in love that he couldn’t take his eyes off her, that he ran a red light.

And the truck waiting to go didn’t stop either.

“SPENCER! SPENCER CAN YOU HEAR ME? I NEED YOU TO CALL 911!” she screamed, her voice filled with agony, her limbs mangled in a sea of crushed mental and snapped backwards by the emergency airbag she didn’t realize she was resting her feet on.

Spencer had already called 911. That was the sickest thing about it. Spencer was, physically, perfectly fine. Spencer would get to leave the hospital after just a few days. Spencer could’ve probably gotten out of the car if he tried to. But he stayed, he stayed with Y/N, as she wasn’t fine. As Spencer looked down on her broken body, and tried desperately to find just one piece of skin that wasn’t coated in blood, her blood, that is when he realized. That not only could Y/N not walk out of the hospital with him, but she probably wouldn’t even make it there.

So he sobbed, he struggled to breathe, not because of the ways Y/N did, but because he had caused all the reasons she couldn’t.

“Hey, Spencer, look at me.”

So he did, and he reached for her hands and held them so tightly, and wanted one last time to feel her squeeze back. And she did, just ever so softly. 

“Spencer, I meant everything I said to you. I want you to spend the rest of my life with me. Please.”

“I love you so much Y/N”

“I love you too.”

Spencer was drawn away from his memories once again as he got another phone call. 

But it wasn’t Hotch this time. It was Mr. Y/L/N, so he answered it. He owed him that.

“Are you out of her house yet? You’ve had hours. I want you gone Spencer.”

Spencer sighed, “I’m leaving now sir, I’m just putting the last of my things in the trunk and then I’ll be gone.”

“Good, I never want to see you again Spencer, you hear me?” Mr. Y/L/N said. “And you better not have anything of hers either. All that stuff in your car better belong to you and you only. If Y/N paid for even a dime of it it better still be in that house.”

Spencer looked down at this scarf he was wearing, the one that still smelled like her perfume. The one that he couldn’t bring himself to take off because he reminded him of so much innocence and beauty.

“Yes sir, I didn’t take anything.”

“Good. And Spencer do me a favor.”

“Anything sir.”

“Go fuck yourself.” Mr. Y/L/N said, and then hung up. Spencer sighed, he expected that and fully deserved it.

How else should a father react when you kill his daughter?

“'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well”

[19gumi]

WHEN THE SUN SETS | KUROO TETSUROU

Summary: Kuroo hates the way he can never tell what’s on your mind (and also, you eat your cherries ridiculously slowly)

Genre: Fluff (childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining)

Word count: 1.8k

Porcelain plates now stained with chocolate are neatly tossed to the side, bearing the remnants of the croissants Kuroo treated the two of you with. Secluded in your favorite part of the park, you try to get one last whiff of the sweet pastry that you ate a little too quickly for your liking, making a mental note to pay that bakery another visit soon.

The final beams of sunlight graze your face as you observe the birds above you, hurrying to find a shelter before the rosy sky hues turn dark blue. You’ve missed their renowned song – the winter fell into a silence after their departure, sometimes too deafening when paired up with the freezing December cold.

Your field of vision is obstructed by a muscular arm reaching for the cherries in the bowl placed beside your head. You observe his Adam’s apple move as he swallows the fruit, eyes focused on the horizon sprawled in front of him. And then they suddenly shift to your figure, your head soundly placed in his lap.

“You okay?” he asks, thumb rubbing circles in your shoulder.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Dunno. You seemed lost in thought.”

You’re about to respond when his body abruptly shifts under yours, the motion prompting you to sit up straight. Kuroo’s hand flies to the back of his head, and you assume he’s received a hit to it.

That is shortly proven to be true when a distressed mother shouts after her son who you don’t even notice at first, standing a foot away from the two of you. His arms are folded behind his back, lips pouting as his eyes search for the ball he had previously been playing with.

Kuroo’s furrowed brows shift back to their original shape, face muscles relaxing as he takes in the sight of the kindergartener. The mother pants as she approaches the two of you, crouching down next to the child that you assumed wasn’t more than 5 years old.

“Hi, I’m very sorry to have caused-“

Kuroo swats his arms in the air. “It’s not a big deal really, didn’t even hurt.” He then smiles at the kid, extending his hand towards him. “Nice to meet you. I’m Kuroo.”

The kid buries his head in the crook of his mother’s neck as a response, refusing Kuroo’s handshake. She spots the ball and sends him off to pick it up, sighing deeply.

“He gets shy sometimes,” she chuckles, scratching her forehead.

Couple of more apologies and one goodbye later, the sun now long hidden and the moon greeting you (this time only one half of it), Kuroo wishes he could take a peek at your mind.

He knows that’s not possible, though, leaving him with the only option of staring at the side of your face, alluringly illuminated under the evening sky. Admiring the faint glint in your eyes, he sighs when he realizes he is about to go to bed with the same unanswered questions another night in a row.

Kuroo is too lost in the way his fingertips itch to sink themselves in your cheeks, his body starving for that addicting warmth of yours – the one he sensed once for the first time many years ago and never wanted to let go of again.

You turn your head around unreasonably quickly – he’s unprepared and so, so exposed. The look in his eyes is soft, way too soft for you to have a full view of it. He hasn’t said a word, but the faint burning in the pit of his stomach convinces him he’s spilled the most tender secrets of his.

“You know,” you begin, reaching for the bowl with cherries behind you. You chew painfully slow, he thinks, the time that it takes for you to swallow the cherry seeming like an eternity.

“That child from earlier,” you continue at last, fiddling with your hands in your lap. “He reminded me of myself when I was his age.”

Kuroo doesn’t know what he was hoping for, but your words do cause a change in his stance. “How so?”

And there you are, flashing him your signature smile one more time. The enigmatic one, the exact one that he’s been trying to decipher unceasingly.

The same one that causes him to miss serves in practice.

The one that keeps him from entering the world of his dreams at night, but also the one that makes him feel like he’s living the sweetest fantasies of his when he gets to see it up close.

“Just like the birds we watched earlier, the pink sky alerts everyone that it’s time to find a shelter for the night,” you glance at him, to which he nods, prompting you to continue. “My mom would always tell me to go straight home once the sky changed colors, and you know I always followed that rule.”

“Yeah, I remember going home and sulking during dinner because I didn’t get to spend more time with you.”

He mouths an ‘ouch!’ when you poke him in the ribs, clutching at his chest. “Dramatic much?” you chuckle, rubbing circles in his back.

“Anyway,” you continue, retracting your hand. “Sometimes I’d lose my toys just like that child from earlier did, but I wouldn’t have enough time to look for them. The street lights would already be turned on and I didn’t want the monsters to catch me.”

Kuroo lets out a hearty laugh. “Monsters? What monsters?”

You shift your eyes towards your hands, which he sees as a chance to inch closer, just enough for him to feel your shoulder against his.

“Dunno,” you say. “But I knew once I’d reach my mom’s arms that I was safe. She’d always nag at me for forgetting to wash my hands – when in reality I didn’t, I always remembered to do it. But I guess I craved that noise which served as an additional proof that I was secure between the four walls of my room, when the silence of the night was the loudest.”

“Well aren’t you a poetic one [name],” he teases, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

A hush descends between the two of you. Kuroo can feel his lips bruising as he chews on them, unsure whether to verbalize the words that could possibly hint at the desires he held close to his heart.

In the end he does it anyway. “It’s way past sunset now, though. So why,” his voice cracks, before he swiftly disguises it as a cough. Or at least he tries to. “Why aren’t you rushing to get home? What if as we speak, the monsters are actually coming to get you?”

It’s your turn to stare at his side profile now, your pulse forming an unsteady rhythm in your throat as you study the slope of his nose, unsure of what was about to come next.

A confession? Were you really ready to ruin a decade long friendship just because rather than playing catch with him you wanted to kiss his lips instead?

His question is silly, you aren’t that eight year old child anymore – the one who’d run away and leave their friends in the street the same instant the clock stroke seven-thirty.

It’s way past seven now, air breezy and short of any sunrays piercing through it, but not even the scariest monster in this world could make you budge from the tranquility surrounding you in this very moment.

It’s almost as if the thought of a life without Kuroo Tetsurou horrifies you more than anything else that’s out in the wild, waiting for you.

“That’s what I was wondering too”, you sigh. “It might be because you’re here.”

And just like that, your secret is disclosed; it’s a simple statement that makes your lungs feel lighter, the burden of having to bear it within your chest for so long now easing with every exhale you take.

He gulps. The arm around your shoulders seems to have become stiffer, too. He’s already close enough for you to feel his breath on your cheek and all you wish for is to lean into his embrace, all of this talk turning your eyelids heavy.

“But I was there all those years ago as well. What changed?”

“Well, for starters, I was what, eight years old?” you scoff, meeting his eyes momentarily before you let your head fall on his chest, inhaling deeply. You have yearned for the scent of the fresh new leaves ever since they wilted last October. “I guess I wasn’t in love with you back then, Tetsu.”

It’s silent. You think it’s unfair – everything you’ve built over the years rapidly slipping through your fingers, just because of one sentence full of longing, anticipation. But then his arm travels down to wrap itself around your waist, the other one finding its way to the nape of your neck.

It’s not the first time he’s heard those words leave your mouth - his imagination has deceived him multiple times already. He’d wake up only to find himself clinging onto his pillow, providing enough heat to trick him into thinking it belonged to you.

However, your scent is way too real for everything to be fake this time around; it simply can’t be. The words he’s been longing to hear are there, the confession lingering in the air only for him and the trees around you to know.

All it takes now is for you to learn his answer, even though the way he’s pulling you into his body gives you an idea of what it might be.

“Do you know why I never went home before you did?” he asks.

“Mm. Why?” your voice is muffled by his hoodie, the vibration sending chills down his spine. He’s convinced now. This is truly his reality he’d always been wishing for.

“Because you were there,” he tilts his head, moving your chin so you can look up at him. He’s grinning, and if he didn’t just admit he was in love with you, you’d probably be now telling him how lame you thought he was. “I couldn’t understand it then, the way your presence made me feel at peace. I realized what it was only when we started high school. I didn’t want to say anything, though.”

“So?”

“So,” he says, his hand leaving your waist to join his other one on your face, lightly squishing your cheeks. “I’m very much in love with you, too.”

His gaze momentarily shifts to your lips, before it’s back on your eyes. “I really want to kiss you, [name].”

The entirety of your body heat accumulates in your face, and his fingers effortlessly melt against it, your body sinking into the grassy earth as if it’s sand.

“Do you?” you ask, your thumb grazing his bottom lip.

“Yes. Can I?”

You nod, and Kuroo swears his heart skips a beat. Hypnotized, he allows his eyes to flutter shut, ready to memorize all the various flavors you have to offer.

When finally he gets to savor your bare, delicate skin - sweeter than anything he has ever tasted before, it’s like the world stops for the both of you.

Or maybe you only drift to your own, each swipe of his tongue guiding you through a new route, the destination of which has yet to be discovered.

[aestheticallyholland]

NEVER NOT | THE START . . .

❃ PAIRING tom holland x fem!reader

❃ DISCLAIMER i do not own the artists (and the reader) that are going to portray the characters, but i do own some of the their names. the plot of the story is inspired to the book and movie 'to all the boys i've loved before' but with changes. the gifs and photos used in this series are edited by me but i get credits to the originals. also, this series is first posted in wattpad by me. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST IT SOMEWHERE ELSE !

❃ WORD COUNT 2.2k words

WANNA BE ON THE TAGLIST? feel free to comment on this post if you wanna be added to this series' taglist to get notified for updates !

NEVER NOT MASTERPOST | LEI'S LIBRARY

"Life doesn't have to be so planned. Just roll with it and let it happen." — Jenny Han, To All the Boys I've Loved Before

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[ late october of 2015 . . . ]

HIGH SCHOOL was not the life that Y/N imagined it to be.

She always thought high school would be the best years of her life rather than studying for upcoming exams and instead of going to parties with a bunch of people she would go along with.

But that was the opposite of what she thought.

High school was more demanding than it was when she was in middle school. When it comes to school, projects are piling up making her mind going crazy. When it comes to relationships with people, they wouldn't get along with her.

Especially when her long-time enemy came into the picture.

"You really had the guts to walk past by my locker, Y/L/N." Camille started and crossed her arms as she saw Y/N walking in the hallway. Y/N would just roll her eyes and shrug off what she said.

"It's not just me who walks near your locker, Camille. I hope you put that in mind." Y/N said and gave her a fake smile.

Camille clenched her hands and she wanted to pull Y/N's hair but was stopped when her boyfriend hugged her from behind. Camille's face suddenly softened and gave a smile to him.

"What are you up to, babe?" He asked and let go of Camille and stood beside her.

"I was just telling Y/N how her boots go with her outfit today, babe," Camille said and looked at Y/N who just chuckled at what she said.

"And I think she has the best outfit of the day than you, Camille." Erika showed up and said that to her cousin while chewing on her gum and grinned.

Camille became furious again until her boyfriend placed an arm around her shoulders before anything happens and he spoke.

"We should go before it starts to bell." He said and gave a smile to her and Camille nodded in agreement and gave Y/N and Erika one last glare before walking away. Tom looked back at Y/N for a while and turned back to walk away. Y/N swore she saw this but shrugged it off.

Y/N looked at Erika who was still chewing on her gum and smiled. "You always show up when Camille would talk to me. Such a best friend." Y/N said and that made Erika chuckle. "I can't believe you would say things like that to your cousin."

"She isn't the best cousin, you know. Besides, she fights you so might as well fight her back." Erika said.

Erika was always the one who would stand by Y/N ever since Camille started fighting her. But before Erika, Camille and Y/N were actually best friends until a spin-the-bottle game would ruin it.

Y/N knew how Camille had a crush on the one and only Tom Holland, who is now her current boyfriend. She invited her friends and including Y/N and Tom and they played the game, spin the bottle.

Camille would always wish that it would land on Tom so that she would get a kiss from him and it so happened that when it was Y/N's turn, it landed on him. They had no choice since it was the rule of the game and when Y/N's and Tom's lips touched, Camille became so angry and that was the start of them being enemies.

After that incident, Camille fought Y/N and Erika saw this and eventually rescued Y/N from her evil cousin. From that day on, Y/N and Erika became best friends until now. Y/N didn't even know how and why Camille and Tom got together.

"Do you want to watch movies tonight? I've got Marvel ones." Y/N heard Erika spoke while they were walking.

"I think I should just stay at home tonight. My dad is cooking for us tonight." Y/N said and she saw Erika pouted. "Come on, we had a movie marathon last night and you slept, Erika." Y/N continued and that made Erika chuckle.

"Forget about the movie. Just look at who's in front of us." Erika elbowed her and Y/N looked in the direction where she was looking and stopped walking. You felt everything was in stop motion.

Aiden.

He sat there with a guitar pressed to his chest and his veins popping from his neck as he was singing. He was your current crush and at the same time one of your friends in school. In fact, he was also your neighbor. Every time you would be around him, butterflies inside your stomach would flatter and your heart would beat fast.

Y/N felt herself blush and she wanted to get away from him. She grabbed Erika's hand and quickly ran the opposite way.

"Hey!" Erika squealed as she pulled her and ran.

They didn't know that Aiden noticed Y/N's actions and just chuckled and smiled. He continued to pluck his fingers on the strings and sang again.

Y/N stopped running when she reached the hallway where there were fewer people around and tried to catch her breath.

"You act so weirdly when Aiden is around. You're giving him signs, girl." Erika said, who tried to catch her breath.

It was true. Ever since Y/N and Aiden became friends, she had started to have feelings for him and you never knew why. Maybe it was the way he sings? Maybe it was the way he is when he's with her? It just came to her.

"Just go tell him, Y/N," Erika said and that made Y/N jolt her head up.

"No way. I don't want our friendship to get ruined because of this feeling I have for him. Plus, it's just a crush. Nothing else." Y/N said.

Erika shook her head. "Whatever you say, Y/N." That was all she can say.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The rest of the day was pretty much the same. Going to different kinds of classrooms for each subject every hour. Y/N had no one to talk to since Erika would be indifferent to classes too. There was also one class where she had to be classmates with Camille. She would glare at her every time she looked back and she wouldn't mind it.

Y/N walked in the hallway with people scattered all over the place. She walked towards her locker and hoping that Camille appears and have another talk again.

A vibrate came from her phone and she got her phone from the pocket and saw a message from Erika:

Y/N rolled her eyes after she read the message and turned off her phone and placed it back in her pocket. She was about to walk away when someone stood in front of her and leaned on her locker. She looked up to see who it is and suddenly her heart started beating fast.

"Aiden." She mumbled and he just smiled at her.

"I'll take you home, Y/N." He said.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"So you're telling me, that you saw Erika with Harrison Osterfield. Harrison as in Tom Holland's best friend?" You asked Aiden as you were walking on the sidewalk.

"Yep, definitely him," Aiden answered and you were still in shock.

"That girl really has some explaining to do." You said and Aiden can only laugh at you.

Then silence came in but you still walked together.

"It's been a month since we last talked. How was your summer, by the way?" Aiden suddenly spoke up and that made you jump a little.

"It's alright. I had to be stuck with dad in a road trip camp while Aria was away. But at least we had s' mores there." You said.

"Well, Aria just came back actually—" Aiden said, but realized what he said and stopped talking. You looked at him in confusion when you heard what he said.

"Aria is here?" You asked then suddenly someone familiar called you from afar.

"Y/N!" You looked at the side and saw your sister running towards you. A big smile appeared on your lips and you ran towards her.

"Aria!"

You gave each other a hug then both of you fell to the ground but you were still laughing.

"It's been a month!" Aria said while clinging on to Y/N.

"I know!" Y/N answered.

"Okay, you kids. Don't do that outside. Go in now." They heard their dad's voice from the door and walked down towards them.

Y/N and her sister stood up and dusted off the grass from her clothes.

When Y/N looked back, she saw her sister hugging Aiden and she also saw the action that would make her heart drop. It was her sister and Aiden kissing.

They let go of each other and saw Y/N just standing there in front of them.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner, Y/N," Aria said. Y/N never told her sister about her feelings for Aiden or any crush she has.

Y/N could still feel the pain that she was feeling right now but she didn't want to show her sister.

"I-I don't mind." She let out a small smile and asked. "Since when?"

Aria and Aiden looked at each other then looked at Y/N again.

"Since I was out. We were calling and talking with each other throughout the summer." Aria said and Aiden could only nod in agreement.

You were too late. A voice in Y/N's head said but that didn't stop you from giving both of them hugs to let her sister see that she was okay with it.

"I'm happy for you, guys."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Your sister came and then did what with Aiden?!"

Y/N held the phone away from her ear when Erika shouted through the call. She placed it back to her ear and sighed.

"They are together, Erika. There's nothing I could do about it." Y/N answered.

"Well, you did have the chance to tell him. They kept this a secret for like a month and you never knew about it." Erika said.

"Still hurts but I'll be fine. I'll just have to get used to seeing them together as a couple." Y/N's voice broke and felt a small tear in her eyes.

Erika wanted to go to Y/N's house and give her a hug. She didn't want her best friend to be heartbroken. "You'll find someone better, babe." That was all she can say to Y/N.

"Thank, I guess," Y/N said. She knew she should just stop crying and accept the fact that they could never be together. She stopped her tears and asked Erika something out of her curiosity.

"How was the date with Osterfield, Erika?"

Y/N heard a thing dropped from the call before Erika could answer.

"How did you know it was him?" Erika asked nervously.

"Aiden told me. Apparently, he saw you guys together going out of the campus. You can't hide this from me, Erika." Y/N chuckled after she said this and did a fake gasp. "Are you two also secretly dating each other and didn't tell me?"

"What? No! Of course not. He just asked me out today and we went to dinner together. There was really nothing between us. I didn't wanna say no. Plus, it was burgers and fries!" Erika defended herself and that just made Y/N laugh.

"Alright, alright, babe. I won't bother you with your love life." Y/N said.

"Y/N? Pasta is ready!" Y/N heard her dad say from downstairs.

"I have to go now, Erika," Y/N said.

"Don't cry anymore, okay? It's not worth it." Erika said and Y/N smiled.

"I know." She said and ended the phone. Y/N placed her phone down and gave a heavy sigh.

This was just another long day.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Another day, another school day. Y/N achieved to not cry so much after dinner last night. Now, she was just walking in the same hallway.

As she was walking with her things pressed to her chest, she suddenly bumped into a person and her things dropped to the ground and herself as well.

"Hey!" Y/N shouted and looked up to see who she bumped to. Her eyes widen to see who it was.

It was the one and only, Tom Holland.

"You really should watch where you're going, Y/L/N." Y/N heard him say and his face was stern.

"You should watch where you're going, Holland," Y/N said and got all the things that fell to the ground. Y/N could hear murmuring from the people but she didn't mind them.

Y/N gave a glare to Tom and walked away from him. She had a feeling that he was going through something right now but that didn't stop her from being mad at him.

Can this day get any better?

❃ TAGLIST @allthisfortommy @kait4073 @lovebittenbyevans @l0ve-0f-my-life @spiitfiires