#SORRY IM NOT AS USUALLY PEPPY

[toxicroyjamie]

jamie going on lca in a manic phase and then having the depressive phase afterwards (when he spoke with ted)

YES exactly.

Jamie abandoning his lifelong dream to go on Lust Conquers All was such a manic decision imo. Very rash and destructive and out of his usual character (since he cares so much about football and works so hard). Hypersexuality and delusions of grandeur are also manic symptoms, and we obviously saw both of those on LCA. I know that the whole thing was primarily motivated by his need to get away from James, but C-PTSD can worsen or trigger bipolar episodes, and the threat of having to remember or confront James seems to be a catalyst in Jamie's episodes.

For example, he had a lot of manic/hypomanic symptoms in Sunflowers - speaking rapidly, ("asseeninthemajormotionpictureDIAMONDS ARE FOREVERRR!!!!") moving nonstop like he was powered by a motor, unable to stand still for even a second (to the extent that Roy had to physically restrain him to get him to stop running), behaving in a way that's considered "odd" or socially unacceptable (stealing bikes, doing cartwheels on the street, yelling in public places), lack of need for sleep (completely peppy and energetic the morning after working out all night, especially compared to Roy, who was clearly exhausted), rash and random decisionmaking ("let's go find a WINDMILL!") - which I think were probably triggered or exacerbated by revisiting the place where he was raped.

The episode in Sunflowers was followed fairly closely by his obvious depressive episode in Mom City - crying spells, inability to care for himself ("I can't eat and I can't sleep and I wash my hair but I don't use any conditioner"), low self esteem ("it's really the team making me look good"/"that goal is a lie"/"im sorry to the kids"), pessimism ("what's the fucking point?"), and apathy ("impotent soul") - which was also triggered by revisiting a location where trauma occured.

A lamictil prescription and dick from that old man could fix him I think

[thatdeadaquarius]

OKAY OKAY SAGAU BUT THE CREATOR IS A HUGE KPOP FAN LIKE IMAGINE THE MOST STOTIC CHARACTERS DANCING TO TWICE

ANON I HAVE SEEN UR ASK SITTIN IN MY MAILBOX AND BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE-

GOD IM SO BASIC ANON I ONLY KNOW LIKE 2 SONGS BY TWICE (LIKE "FEELS" OR SMTH POPULAR), I KNOW A LITTLE MORE ITZY, BUT MY MAIN'S JUST BEEN BTS SINCE 2019😭

(send me recs pleassseeee ;-;)

Hey this'll be the last time I use colored words for characters!

I think it's a bit too distracting, and the only reason I was using them was to let ppl know if their fav was in there, but now I'll probably just use CW/TW to mention character heavy asks/fics :)

Thanks for being patient with me for so long if ur still reading my stuff :0 <3

Listen as you read?

EDIT 1/1/24: Hey I expanded more about this on my Eldritch Fanfic Part 2 post, but unfortunately I did a form of exoticism by including the term "Huangdi" inappropiately here. I have since replaced it with "Emperor" as was the original untranslated term I would've used. I'm genuinely sorry that I did this, and will absolutely be on the look out/do better in the future. I hope you can understand.

----

AGONIZED OVER THE GIFS THIS TIME THEYRE SO PRETTY AND I WANTED TO GET THEM DANCING ONE OF THEIR CUTER ERA/THEMES ALL DRESSED UP TOO-

also im so sorry?? Idky i was in such a scenario mood today??? Ig im in my exectutive dysfunction paralysis state so maybe that’s why, like it unconcoiusly wants me to waste more time not catching up on uni work??? anyway, hope u like this chaotic addon 😭

or i just love this ask sm, that’s entirely possible too <3

I JUST NEED YOU TO KNOW I PUT ON A MEGA TWICE PLAYIST WHILE WRITING THIS ENTIRE THING LMAO

ok but they’d totally heard ur music tastes thru the screen right?

like just imagine-

the video game music is normalized, and to them its just another one of those “all kinds of magic in teyvat” causing the music, like the seelies wandering around all the time or elemental energy

Jean is flipping through a folder filled with the reports for the week, she’s got to get the routes ready for the week, then there’s the liyue shipments the knights need to help escort over, then checking in on any of the emergency stations/rations throughout Mondstadt for weary or hurt travelers/merchants-

She sighs, and yet another irritated thought is thrown Varka’s way in her mind, she can’t even muster the energy to make it outright dislike she’s so tired…

Jean was so concentrated she just now is starting to hear the Favonious Headquarter’s music once more, it’s peppy upbeat tune… grates like nails on a chalkboard.

and if she has to hear that damn flute for the next hour she works, she’s going to start banging her head onto her desk.

♤

Out in Jueyun Karst, Xiao is dealing the finishing blow to a flying ruin hunter

He’s huffing and stabs his spear into the ground to lean on and catch his breath, the gentle music of the peaks begins to float around him once more

The Yaksha feels the earth beneath his feet shake. Not like from his Lord, not the other adepti angered, but an enemy so large it’s stomps shake the ground he stands on

Xiao quickly straightens less he fall over, pulling his spear out of the dirt with a little more effort than it probably should’ve taken…

The high sounds of the guzheng trickle through the air, a perfect representation of the base of the slopes, trees, streams, and nature all around him

Xiao turns to face the enemy behind him, his arm popping with tired joints,

…A ruin grader, two ruin hunters, and finally regular three ruin guards, follows it. they come around the corner of the bottom of another slope, and they're still simmering with black smoke, curling off their metallic shoulders.

Xiao sees several red targets layer over his chest,

the music fades a little, but sticks around, plucking strings gently. Xiao sighs, exhausted already.

♧

Kazuha and Beidou had to redirect the Alcor from a nasty storm at sea that intercepted their usual route between Inazuma and Liyue,

the storm had practically chased them further and further down form the Inazuman islands

it wasn’t until Kazuha, from the crow’s nest, spotted fog on the waters that they realized they’d be forced to go into said creepy fog, what with the crackling looming clouds at their backs pinning them in

“Not good Captain, the fog is miles long, I’m not sure I can see a way around it…” Kazuha calls down to the deck, Beidou letting out a sharp sigh through her nose

“Damn… fucker’s not even sentient and it practically backed us into a corner, feels like we literally gotta escape the damn thing… BRACE YOURSELVES CREW, WE’RE HEADING INTO THAT FOG!”

The Alcor makes it’s way into the fog, a piano swells with a strange tune…

Beidou, Kazuha, and the crew know to listen to the music of teyvat, especially if you have a life at sea, where storms can appear in the middle of the day or other pirates could attack any moment.

The music means nothing good, but at least Kazuha can see the storm staying at the border of the fog, moving no further in, unlike themselves

“Shit… see anything up there Kazu?” the Captain steering the ship doesn’t even reach a shout, for the music has creeped out all conversation on board

“No ma’am, wait,” a chill breeze brushes through the wanderer’s white hair, he feels goosebumps jump on his neck and spine,

“…Yes! Portside Captain, land, no enemy movement yet!”

“Alright, here goes a bad idea…” Beidou’s arms flex as she easily turns the heavy wooden wheel, steering left,

the Alcor gently comes ashore, and they make anchor.

…there are no enemies, like Kazuha said, but the tune worsens, it had gotten louder now that they’re actually on the theme’s land

It plays slowly, encasing the crew of the Alcor in a paranoid quiet, and it almost has a melancholy note

Crows caw and fly off of a stone gate up ahead, they can see flickers of a strange blue light further inland, like figures carrying lanterns everywhere they go…

“Damn music, I wouldn’t feel half this anxious if it didn’t sound like we were walking into a monster infested cave…” the first mate says, the first person to break the quiet the music held over them.

“Yes, while we might need to stay here for awhile, I think we’re all very aware how dangerous this is…” Kazuha agrees, crossing his arms and squinting at the moving blue lights… the piano plays on.

☆

You open on Spotify on your computer, clicking on your favorite kpop playlist, it’s been rainy all day, so you need the peppiness of this dance playlist to actually not be half-asleep playing Genshin-

You hum along to the Korean lyrics as you boot Genshin up, ugh, ur in-game music is so loud, u forgot u turned it up last time to hear the new Sumeru music…

Turning it down, you let the Kpop songs fill ur headphones as you nod to the beat, your team materializing on screen. Right, off to do commissions first!

♤

Jean is like.. seconds away letting out a scream of frustration, anger, tiredness, loneliness, etc. her hands clenching her hair and ruining her ponytail when, thank Creator, the theme quiets down finally.

The loss of her immediate ire gone, she lets go of her hair, her hands just kind of hovering midair, not knowing what to do with herself, all the negative emotions giving her face wrinkles just melt off, leaving her stunned, blank face behind

🎶 Dalkomhan chocolate ice-cream-cheoreom Nogabeorineun jigeum nae gibun so lovely! Kkamkkamhan uju sok gajang banjjagineun Jeo byeol jeo byeol geu yeope keun ne byeol 🎶

Acting Grand Master Jean actually screams when abruptly a song in an unrecognizable foreign language, blasts into her office, around it, filling the entire Favonius Headquarters with its… cheeriness??

Jean lets her hands fall onto the desk, still in shock

..well, she quickly decides she’s grateful for the new music either Barbatos or the All-Parent had heard her pleas for…

…actually, it’s kind of,, catchy?

Jean takes out her ponytail, massaging her aching scalp, huh, she really did have it tight she’s just now noticing, she feels a small smiles appear on her face,

she actually kind of wants to do something now (she kind of hopes this new foreign bard song sticks around..)

♧

If you asked Xiao what happened in that battle he’d be hard pressed to tell you,

without going completely red in the face. LMAO

He probably wouldn’t tell the other adepti this, especially Cloud Retainer, but Xiao had definitely had to get used to fighting brutal battles to the sound of gentle summer day-esque music

Right as the aruguably, army of ruin machines spotted the Yaksha, he’d launched himself into the air to try and evade the rusted beasts, aiming his jade spear, adding winds to swirl around the staff to better boost his attack, the machines warm up, their targets moved and locked onto him midair, right as both sides launch their attack-

🎶 Geogi neo I fancy you! Amuna wonhaji anha Hey, I love you (Love ya!) 🎶

Xiao nearly falls out of the air.

Quickly recovering, he uses his anemo power to propel himself off to the side dodging, he swears to his Lord and his Emperor himself, delayed attacks, as if the machines were caught off guard too,

missiles whiz by him, exploding behind, the peppy song of foreign women’s voices sings out into Jueyun Karst bright and happy-

🎶 Geurae neo I fancy you! Kkumcheoreom haengbokhaedo dwae 'Cause I need you! (What?) 🎶

Xiao’s face goes from being confused to concentrated throughout the rest of the battle, and the worst part… it actually helps his energy levels.

and he finds himself nodding along

☆

Kazuha takes the lead, his sword unsheathed and at the ready to cut down the slightest movement before it can get to any of the crew behind him,

He’s flanked by the Captain of the Alcor herself, Beidou’s electro shield emitting a deep hum as it blocks in front of both himself, and the crew behind him

all of the pirates have unsheather their own weapons, daggers, swords, claymores, bows, their all on high alert, waiting for.. well, any enemies at all.

In fact, Kazuha hopes he sees hilichurls soon, just for the familiarity it could give him and the his crew-

the music begins to fade away.

The crew stops just shy of the entryway that was perched with crows before they scattered, the white fog hasn’t moved beyond its lazy drifting, but the creeping sounds have stopped entirely. Not good.

Captain Beidou sighs after a few silent moments, other than the quiet breathing and shuffling of weapons from the Alcor crew.

She lets her claymore sword thunk against her shoulder, and just as she opens her mouth, turning to address the all, deciding camping here will have to do for the night-

🎶Fancy! youu, ooh Nuga meonjeo johahamyeon eottae Fancy! youu, ooh Jigeum neoegero gallae Fancy! ooh!🎶

Kazuha’s shoulder shoot up to his ears in a flinch, red eyes wide, he barely stops his reflexes from taking a hard swing with his sword, several crewmembers shriek, collide with metal clinks into one another, Beidou drops low, her sword swinging off her shoulder into almost a full swing at the ground-

…

…..

……..

🎶 Dalkomhan chocolate ice-cream-cheoreom Nogabeorineun jigeum nae gibun so lovely! Kkamkkamhan uju sok gajang banjjagineun Jeo byeol jeo byeol geu yeope keun ne byeol 🎶

the music plays on, the only one making any noise as the entire Alcor crew just, stop. after their initial shock.

Kazuha’s the first to break.

He desperately tries to contain a quiet chuckle, which turns into a giggle, which turns into a full-on wheeze, as he buries his sword into the ground to brace himself on it and one of his knees

the Captain cracks by the time Kazuha wheezes, her laughter going straight to guffaws and knee slapping, her claymore shaking the ground where she stabs it to lean against

the crew erupts into laughter, both as the peppy foreign song echoes into the mysterious fog, and Beidou’s ridiculous laugh, as always

they don’t recover until two songs later when there’s finally a slow kpop song, Kazuha’s had to sit down, tears streaming down his face, Beidou’s half-dead, wheezing out complaints about her stomach, as the crew keep sending each other into more and more laughter right as they think they’re done.

They decide their Akitsu Mikami must have the best sense of humor and must just be sitting on their celestial throne pranking some of their subjects from time to time, and the Alcor crew find themselves all the more appreciative for it, their nerves entirely gone about the island

Kazuha and Beidou are constantly asking other bards they meet to try and see if anyone can recreate the song for the crew sometime they liked the beat and the memory so much, Fancy by Twice will still get a laugh out of Beidou and Kazuha, and they’d quickly let you in on the inside joke so you’d be a part of it too (afterall you did it lol)

♡

NOW MORE IMPORTANTLY, BC IDK IVE BEEN ON A SCENARIO KICK LATELY?? SORRY IDK WHY U GUYS KEEP GETTING SCENARIOS-

There’s only TWO 2 CATEGORIES THAT MATTER HERE-

◇

Who’s DANCING!! w/o u needing to do anything but play the music:

NILOU (she got those choreos done in like, an hour flat everytime u teach her, shes always begging for “just one more dance lesson Greatest Lord? 🥺”),

YUNJIN (difference betweeen the two dancers is that nilou asks :) → yunjin lowkey demands, she like always gets u into a situation where you have plenty of time to teach her and feel obligated, u just got gaslight gatekeep girlbossed into teaching her another kpop dance LMAO), they also see it as they’re (literally) god-given job to dance better than any idol you’ve seen do it before, esp when they recruit groups of other dancers to join for group choreos

Yoimiya! cutie #1, CHILDE, amber, eula, ITTO, bennett,

Collei (but shes shy u gotta encourage her),

Diona (cutie #2),

FISCHL (would form an actual group to dance all the choreos like a real kpop group),

Gorou (shy #2, needs encouragement),

Kazuha (tbh I think he’d have fun and be weirdly good at it, fem or masc dances),

Ayaka (shy #3, needs encouragement and would rather die than dance in front of ppl other than you),

KLEE CUTIE #3, NAHIDA CUTIE #4,

Qiqi (but u gotta teach her slow bc she needs to memorize it, and also it takes her a bit to write down the dance steps in her journal so she doesn’t forget as much),

Razor (another person i think would just have fun with it! also he’d do it but it would be very, aggressive? like making finger hearts but violently shoving his arm out at ur face lmao),

HEIZOU (shutup he’d actually be good at it and brag- and flirt at you-),

Aether (shy #4), VENTI, xingqiu, xinyan, KAVEH

BARBARA (she literally stalks u around Mondstadt all like “oh hello your highness! just happened to walk by you and was wondering if you heard any new of those “kpop” dances, you know I’d LOVE to show it off at my next show-!” like she hasnt been a block behind you the entire day 💀)

♡

WHO YOU MANAGED TO CONVINCE TO DANCE LMAO-

babygirl Wanderer (he literally surveyed the area before he finally let u teach him any moves, and refused to any sort of dramatic moves, like fem or masc),

Alhaitham (but only like a small part of a guy group choreo like a bit from God’s Menu or smth, he was too lazy to do anymore even for u lol),

Cyno (dammit some of these bitches look way too good doing even girl group dances-),

Diluc (u got him to do like, a pose. LMAO and he saw Kaeya in the distance and quit immediately LMFAO),

Kaeya (but it didnt take much convincing, if anything it just took forever to teach him, he’s talented in footwork for swordfighting but apparantly not dancing, at least not modern dances he tripped so much ur convinced he did it on purpose at one point so he’d fall into your arms again lol),

Ganyu (super shy, wont do it around anyone but you, and maybe Shenhe),

speaking of Shenhe (she just took awhile to teach bc she wanted to stay upright a lot, kinda stiff),

Keqing (once again, another who’d only dance when it’s just u two lol),

Yae Miko (she just wanted to learn the whole choreo that’s what took so long… and now she’s making comments like “My goodness, my god wants me to dance for them? They’ll even show me how? Oh, now I must do it perfectly so I can satisfy you, my Kami.” STOP TAKING THINGS OUT OF CONTEXT UR TEACHING EVERYONE-),

Ayato (he’s acts so theater gay he refuses to do anything but the girl group dances/fem dances lol),

SARA (easy, give her ur strongest, saddest pout and she cracked like glass, u got her to do a whole dance with u/she actually got into it too, its her secret guilty pleasure now lol),

Kuki (did one sort of move then got BARRELED OVER by Itto’s crazied boy group acrobatics he likes so much, u know the backflips over each other type of ones? yeah. ),

Ei (the god herself/not the puppet, catch her never doing that lol, she tried but didnt, get it? she’s also pretty stiff, but she looks like she’s having fun so u just keep teaching her moves, and she likes that its you teaching her something new),

Thoma (shy #5 ? idek what number we’re on anymore lol),

TIGHNARI (u nag that bitch so hard he nearly throws a drink at you to get u to stop bothering him- NO he does NOT think those dances would suit his ears- dammit he wont do that dance, no matter how much he likes you- DAMMIT MY LORD-),

Xiao (if u thought nagging Tighnari was hard, this is like nightmare mode, not only does he not wanna do the dances, but he also wants to understand WHY u want him to dance each and every move- !! bc he would “look cute or cool”?!?!!?!!! …yeah he’s gone, he went so red u cant even get him back with tofu),

Zhongli (would like, be so confused on how to make his body do that, that he ended up just sort of posing, at least he looks cool)

♡

(anyone not on these 2, u did, in fact, not manage to convince, yes, even if their god asked them to, nor are they doing it of their own volition lol)

WHAT THE HELLLLLLL-

THIS IS SO LONGGG IM SO SORRRYYYYY

ANYWAY HOPE SOMEBODY LIKED THIS, DW ILL STOP THE WEIRD SCENARIOS AFTER THIS ASK I JUST GOT IN A PHASE I DONT KNOW WHY

also, im like, three weeks away form graduating uni? NICE, soon i will be free to assault u all with responses mwhahahaha (rubs my little gremlin hands together)

Safe travels,

💀 ♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk

[starbunii]

SAYAKA ANGST 🫡🫡 POR FAVOR AMORE MIO MON CHOUCHOU

IM LITERALLY GARBO AT ANGST BUT I TRIED <33

sayaka x reader gender neutral, anyone can read!

probably ooc, im so sorry :( sad attempt at angst- i also finished this at like 12 am keep that in mind okay love you <3

+ ° . ୨ ♡ ୧ . °

You and Miss Sayaka Maizono had been practically inseparable for years. The two of you had met in elementary school, she, being the more outgoing of the two of you, had started talking to you on the first day of school, and you had been best friends ever since. You had always encouraged each other to follow each other’s passions, telling each other to follow the song written in your heart, even when it seemed difficult.

Eventually, the two of you had less and less time for each other. She had been busy with her idol group, and you had to get working on your regular studies. As she figured out melodies and corresponding lyrics that encapsulated the true feelings of her heart, you were stuck at your desk with algebra.

Seeing a call coming from her was rare these days, so you practically jumped out of your seat when you saw her name displayed on your phone. Wasting no time to answer, you jumped onto your bed.

“Hi, Sayaka!” You cheered, trying your hardest to ignore the way your voice cracked. “What’s up?”

“Hi, Y/n! I have some amazing news, but I think it’s best if I share it in person! Are you free later tonight?” Her peppy voice filled you with optimism.

“Yeah! I mean, hell, I’m free right now, if you wanna come over.” You chuckled. “I’ve been stuck doing homework while my family’s out and about. It’s been so boring.”

“Whatcha working on?” Sayaka hummed.

“Math.” You sighed, hopping back in your chair and spinning around a bit. “I really don’t wanna do it.”

“I get how that is” She giggled. “I’ll be over in just a sec, okay?” With a quick press of the button to end the call, Sayaka prepared herself to make her way over to your house.

Giddy with excitement, you sprung up from your seat, picking up your room just a bit and bringing in snacks for Sayaka. It had been so long since the two of you had hung out, you wanted to make it truly special. Every moment with her felt like a little piece of heaven on earth. Every secret you two shared, every step taken together, every little moment; it was all so precious.

Admittedly, you had developed a small crush on the aspiring pop star. Her upbeat attitude was alluring, along with her looks. God, was she gorgeous. Her long blue hair that flowed freely in a gentle breeze, the way her soft, pink lips rested in a slight pout. How her eyelashes were practically able to hypnotize you in a single blink. You sighed, allowing your mind to wander. Romantic scenarios were the only thing that could fill your head as you thought about her. All you could think of was her.

A knock at the door drew you away from your thoughts. You scrambled out of your chair, rushing to the door, face warmer than an oven. You damn near fell on your face, opening the door with a wide smile.

“Hi, Sayaka! Come on in!” You giggled, opening the door a little wider for her. She waved, grinning from ear to ear. She wore a pastel pink sundress, which had pastel blue lace lining the bottom. “I like your outfit.”

“Thanks! I like yours.” She chuckled. You looked down, only to be met with your hello kitty pajama pants and matching top. You felt your face heat up even more from embarrassment, but Sayaka’s giggles made you feel less ashamed.

Eventually, you two made it to your bedroom. She took her usual place on your bed, politely indulging in a small bowl of chocolate you had left for her. The two of you had made the usual small talk; grades, friends, music, school. You didn’t have much to talk about, as your evenings were mostly filled to the brim with studying, listening to music, and the occasional movie. Her life, however, seemed so exciting. She had a small idol group, already getting scouted by huge companies wanting her talent. She had already performed at thousands of venues and had millions of streams on lopotify.

“But…regarding my music career-!” Sayaka grinned, way wider than you had ever seen it. “I have some really big news!”

“Oh, really? Bigger than getting scouted by Big Hit?” You teased. She just giggled and nodded.

“So…you know that school, Hope’s Peak?” She bit her lip. You just nodded. “Well, they reached out to me, telling me that I had the talent to become the Ultimate Pop Sensation…and knowing that…they said I could enroll there! This is a huge step!”

“What…?” You frowned, the feeling of bitter disappointment seeping through to your heart. “You’re gonna go to another school?”

“Well…probably! It’s a new opportunity, and I’ll be able to work on my talent daily!” She cheered. The word talent made something feel…off in your stomach. You just nodded, your eyebrows furrowed. “What’s with the long face?”

“I just…nothing.” You fixed a quick smile on your face. “Nothing at all! I’m really proud of you! I’m gonna miss you, ya know. Promise we’ll still hang out?” You outstretched your pinkie for her to make that promise. She just nodded, intertwining her finger with yours.

“Promise.”

You let go of her hand, taking in a shaky breath. You only had a certain amount of time before she had to leave. Only a certain amount of time before she forgot all about you. Before she left you to rot with all the other people below her level. With such a time limit, you decided quickly that it was only fair to tell her all the desires you had.

“Um…Sayaka?” You averted your gaze to the floor, the feeling of nervousness swallowing you whole.

“What’s up buttercup?” She chuckled.

“I…have something to tell you too.” You frowned, anxiously fidgeting with your fingers. She just nodded, unsure of what to say. You took in a deep breath, in and out, in and out. It was like you needed a manual to function. A knot in your throat formed, as though you were actively trying to stop yourself. “Sayaka…Sayaka. I like you. Like…as more than a friend. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to go to the park and hold your hand! I wanna take you out to fancy restaurants and kiss! I want to date you. And I know that’s selfish, and I know you’ve got bigger fish to fry…but that’s what I want. That’s all I want.”

“Oh…Y/n…” She sighed shakily. “I’m…I’m so sorry.” She gently patted your knee. “I just…I don’t feel that way about you, y’know? You’re an amazing best friend! A wonderful best friend! But I couldn’t see myself being anything more than that with you…you know?”

“Oh.” You bit your lip out of embarrassment, feeling hot tears drip down your face. “That’s…I’m sorry. Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have never said anything.”

Eventually, Sayaka went home, leaving an awkward melancholy looming over you. The pit at the bottom of your stomach only seemed to grow. Was it selfishness? Embarrassment? Pain? Your questions only seemed to grow.

Sayaka never kept her promise. In fact, one could argue she outright ignored you when she coincidentally spotted you in public. It was awkward and embarrassing, the tension was thick, in a negative kind of way.

Then, the end of the fucking world struck.

She still didn’t keep her promise.

starbunii 2024 — all rights reserved. do not redistribute or translate to any other platforms -- thank you for reading !

[sourstars]

the name’s bond, james bond.

hehe, i’m excited to sort of know someone with the same music taste as me 😌

also, have you heard the thing by green day where the transition from holiday to boulevard of broken dreams? so good

and yes, give me song recs >:)

I HAVE NOT? i haven’t listened to green day in literally forever oh my god that was a blast from the past, i was laying in bed like 😦 and then grinning like a mad man DKSJDJS i loved that thank you <3

as for song recs so so so today feels more of a loud music type of day? the softest (?) songs are at the top two and the rest are much louder so be warned if using headphones!

play god + funeral by catie turner

stay with me by better love

so alright, cool, whatever + heart of a dancer by the happy fits

clique + teach me to fight by YONAKA

pincushion by siiickbrain

love is dead and we killed her by doll skin

the phoenix by twin pumpkin

damage by fit for rivals

kiss me girl by hands off gretel

broken bones by CRX

fear of dying by poppy

[botseeksbot]

harvey again (remastered)

[soonhoonsol]

.

[flydunes]

“digital art is a hassle and way too long-winded, idk why anyone bothers with this” - i say, continuing to draw my favourite boy.

it turns out that my usual art style is Very Annoying to draw digitally, so fuck it. vaguely new art style. it sucks ass, i’m still learning how to be a Competent Digital Artist, not helped by the fact that my tablet driver fucked itself so i need to completely reinstall it (literally how did i even finish this)

[tsu-kitsu]

After The Battle | ZenNezu Headcanon

Yknow, I’ve always wondered how Zenitsu and Nezuko’s first meeting post Muzan Battle would be…would Zenitsu go ballistic? Would Nezuko be a little shy? After some tough thinking at 1am, I compiled an official headcanon scenario!

⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋

˙•✿ After The Battle... (CH. 204 SPOILERS)

✿ Zenitsu was the very first of his two companions to awaken. It was a relief for Aoi and Kanao, knowing that Tanjiro and Inosuke had a good chance of awakening as well.

✿ During the few days of his revival, the Butterfly Mansion halls felt empty. Zenitsu didn’t want to admit it, but Inosuke’s loud rambles were missed. Something felt ‘off’ to him— something that was missing. He couldn’t fully pinpoint it until he heard it…

✿ A faint melody he called a voice. He could distinguish that exact voice in a crowd of people. The gentleness to the tone…the familiarity… her heartbeat…

Nezuko!

He had completely forgotten the demon girl he pinned for. Considering the heat of the battle, its no wonder why the first glimpse of her human form was hazy in his mind. Alas, there he was, listening to the REAL Nezuko for the first time in…well, ever. It was surreal; almost like it wasn’t happening.

✿ The blonde boy couldn’t pinpoint why, but…he was hesitant to meet her. Just the thought of his and her presence together made Zenitsu shudder. Was he nervous? Was he afraid he wasn’t going to make a good impression? Maybe the intrusive nag in the back of his head, telling him ‘she isn’t going to remember you’, was holding him back. Nonetheless, he avoided her.

✿ Zenitsu would sit bedridden, listening with his keen ears for a sign of Nezuko. Its as if he was waiting…though, waiting would get him nowhere. Atleast, thats what Uzui said.

✿ Uzui had spent a multitude of time keeping his younger acquaintance company. He’d always sit by the boy’s bed, asking him the same repetitive questions.

One night, he noticed Zenitsu feeling a bit down. His usually peppy glow was dimming. With courage, he pitched;

“You know…a certain someone has been lingering an awful lot by the door to this room.”

Zenitsu’s demeanor was struck with curiosity, the boyish wonder returning as per usual. After some discussion, Uzui encouraged Zen to work up courage and say hello to Nezuko. With hesitance, he obliged…and, admittedly, Tengen’s bad attempt at motivation somehow ignited something in him.

✿ The next morning, Zenitsu sat upon the engawa. It was a place to get peace of mind, no doubt. Unfortunately, this was not the case…when he heard a shuffle of footsteps behind him.

‘Zenitsu-San?’

✿ At that moment, his heart stopped beating. It was like a swift punch to the gut. Turning around, he was met with Nezuko— her hands clenched close to her chest and her expression rather flustered.

He didn’t know what to do. He tried to speak, to say hello…but it was no use. The boy’s face flushed a bright red as he fled, tripping a bit along the way.

It left a very confused Nezuko taken aback.

✿ He hid out in his room for the next day or so, completely regretting his decision and cursing his foolish behavior.

‘She was right there! Why couldn’t you have just said hello? You scared her off!’

He smothered his face in a pillow, the covers working as a tight shelter.

‘Why cant I face her? Why am I so nervous?’

✿ The following morning…Zenitsu awoke, mid-morning rays reflecting fervently across his face.

It took him a minute to notice the added weight by his legs.

He rose, his gaze being set upon a sleeping girl.

Nezuko had fallen asleep by his bedside. Her hair was spread neatly across the sheets, her back rising and falling in a calm formation. Her head was buried in the nook of her arms.

He faltered…still unaware he was, in fact, awake.

He reached a hand out to nudge her shoulder.

She shuffled, grumbling softly. Elongated eyelashes fluttered, pink meeting gold.

✿ “Ah…Zenitsu-San, Im sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep.”

“You had me worried yesterday…so, with Aoi’s permission, i waited by your bedside.”

She was beautiful. So beautiful. Her features existing as the pure definition of femininity. It made his throat dry and heart pound against his chest.

“I…I’m sorry, Nezuko-chan. I don’t know what happened yesterday. I was just…nervous,”

“Why would you ever be nervous?” She giggled.

“…I think…I….” He stopped.

“Nezuko-Chan, do you remember me?”

A loud silence played out.

“Well, If Im being honest…a little. Im still adjusting to everything. Its been hard to process every memory.

But, to answer your question…of course I know you.” A smile warmed her features.

✿ “Nezuko-Chan,” he intertwined his hands with hers.

“Can we…start over? I know we…know, each other, but— I want to know you even more. Starting right now. I want to know Nezuko Kamado, the girl who loves konpeito and . Not the girl who was bound to a wooden box.”

Her heart was alight.

✿ They would talk on and on for hours at end, from mid afternoon to late dusk. Their conversations lightened up the quiet atmosphere, spreading like wildfire across all the residents. They kept each other company. It passed the time, no doubt.

✿ In hindsight, he learnt she was more of a rambler than he was. He loved listening to her. She was so passionate and positive about everything; it made his heart weak.

And so, time leapt by, both Tanjiro and Inosuke being greeted with a tight hug and sobbing from Nezuko and Zenitsu.

✿ Nezuko and Tanjiro soaked in the peace and quiet. The breeze blew graciously through the windows.

“Onii-chan,” she averted eye contact.

“…do you know what its like to be in love?”

“Eh?!”

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I write headcanons in a weird way, if you couldn’t tell harharhar. Sorry if its worded weird, I’m a little rusty here

(I actually have a fic in the works in regards to these ‘headcanons’, but im not a fan of how its turning out.)

I always like to imagine a timid Nezuko waiting by Zenitsu’s door, contemplating rather or not she should greet him. She was JUST as nervous as he was.

[morizoras-cave]

Sexualization (Request)

Tom Hiddleston x teen!co-star!reader

Request description: Hi there! Could you write a Tom hiddleston x teen!reader where an interviewer had been asking sexist and kinda dirty questions during a press tour/ interview and she had been paired up with Tom for it. She is a really peppy and fun personality that everyone loves but she legit kinda closes up and doesn’t know how to respond and Tom kinda gets crazy mad and takes her hand to leave the interview. Hope you have a lovely day :)

Warnings: pedophilia basically, mentions of sexual and mature things, language!

(A/N): im v excited to be doing your requests. i hope you like them!! also i- i dont know if this is very good but we will ignore that fact *i pretend i do not see*

“Just a couple more interviews for today,” Tom sighed and you laughed. You and Tom had been doing interviews for your new movie for the past three and a half hours, and it seemed you were finally ending out the day. 

“Finally! I can’t wait to just get home and relax!” you agreed. You adjusted in your chair, just as another interviewer came in through the door. He was tall and blonde and sent you a smile. You smiled back brightly. 

“Hello! It’s nice to meet you,” he said and reached out his hand to shake and both you and Tom did.

“Hey, you too.” 

“Hi!” 

The interview started out normal. He gave those regular questions, like “what was the biggest challenge?” and “have you liked working with each other?” and you answered as honestly and brightly as you could each time. 

That was until the interviewer asked, “Tom, how’s it been watching Y/n grow? Because she certainly has grown,” he looked at you while he said the last part. You bit back a frown. What was that supposed to mean? Why’d he say it like that?

Tom seemed startled too, because he looked between you and the interviewer, before hesitantly answering, “Uh, well, Y/n is almost like a little sister to me, it’s been very nice to see her grow as a person. She just has such a refreshingly bright personality.”

“And what about you, Y/n? How do you feel like you’ve grown? Started thinking some weird things? You are in the middle of puberty after all,” he asked a cheeky smile on his lips. 

“Uh,” you clamped shut. You were panicking. You were usually so happy and outgoing, you’d never experienced not being able to answer like this. You felt so uncomfortable, anxiety heavy like a stone in your stomach. “I don’t, uh, no..” 

“Oh, come on! Did you start wearing bras yet?” 

“I’m sorry?” Tom yelled. Both you and the interviewer snapped your heads towards him. Tom never yelled. You’d never seen him angry. Ever. “Please enlighten me on how any of this is your business? How this has anything at all to do with the movie?” 

Tom stood up from his chair. You saw his hands were clenched. The interviewer seemed shocked at Tom’s response. He was crouching back in his chair. Tom practically caged him in, towering over him. He was shaking, doing everything in his might to not just attack the guy. 

Tom sighed, bringing his hand to yours, and pulling you to stand up as well. “The interviews are over for today.” Then he strolled out of there and you stumbled after him, running to keep up with those long legs. 

You left the building and were all of a sudden just out on the street. You wondered where you were going, but quickly realized that you were walking to your hotel. 

Tom didn’t say anything at first, you just felt his thumb brushing back and forth over the back of your hand. You looked at him worriedly, squeezing his hand. Tom glanced at you and sighed. 

“Are you okay?” you asked quietly. 

“No, no, are you okay? Are you okay, Y/n?” he seemed almost upset that you’d just asked him that. And he was. You were such a bright and happy person, always and constantly worrying over others. Tom couldn’t understand how anyone could look at you and get anything sexual from it. You were just the sweetest, purest thing. 

“I’m good. That dude was weird though, hahaha,” the whole situation had spooked you, and you certainly didn’t like it. But you, more than anyone else, just wanted to be back to normal again.

“Listen, if anyone ever makes you uncomfortable like that again, please tell me,” Tom said, stopping on the sidewalk to look you in the eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell you, you big dork.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“Me too!” 

And then the two of you went back to bickering and laughing. And you stayed true to your word. You told him when something like that happened. A part of Tom never really got over that interview. Sometimes he wishes he’d beaten the shit out of him, other times he wishes he’d never raised his voice. It was tricky, but no matter what you grew into you’d always be the kid he needed to protect in his mind. And you didn’t mind that at all. 

[noxiatoxia]

hiiiiiiiii nox just checking up on your blog like the monthly news HOW ARE YOU!?! i completely forgor you were into warriors and pokemon I am severely missing out on some of this. did u get scarlet/violet ??! also are there any ouran pokemon crossovers (asking for a friend )))😼

omg HII!!! yes im big fan of warriors n pokemon in fact!! ive been replaying pokemon explorers of sky lately!!! Well, technically I'm playing a rom hack version of it, "explorers of skies". It's the same game, just has quality of life improvements + difficulty has been upped (look that game is hard enough as is but I've played and beaten it 5000 times so I need MORE challenge) also they added new pokemon you can play as so I'm playing as Alolan Vulpix! My partner is a Mudkip :) We're team Ryders, I'm Ren and he's Rayne! Very fun I'm so obsessed with the story and the characters (the whole guild and future crew I'd die for them all). Reminds me I need to buy the newer mystery dungeon games Gates to Infinity + Super Mystery Dungeon. I haven't played beyond EoS and it's a shame bc I love the series but tbh it's just nothing can top EoS for me sorry.... BUT I'd love to give the other ones a go.

As for ScVo I have not and don't plan to :( newer pokemon games......ok I'm gonna phrase this in the nicest Way Possible. I do not like newer mainline pokemon games. X/Y was fun and then after that it all went to shit. The issues that were present in X/Y I gave them slack for because well it's the first 3DS mainline game, but then they weren't fixed in SM and now they're doing it on the SWITCH so they have no excuse -- and I mean this to the Gamefreak not the dev team. The dev team are being abused by that awful work place and not only am I NOT gonna pay $60 for a buggy unfinished mess that rivals sonic 06, but I don't want to support the awful workplace abuse gamefreak employees are put through. I'm glad there are people who are enjoying the new games but I just cannot get into them. Stuck replaying all the DS game forever lol. That said non mainline games are usually pretty good since they're not developed by gamefreak lol. So if any cool spinoffs come out I may look into them.

Speaking of new games tho I maaay get Sonic Frontiers I've heard good things about it and it looks fun. Glad to see Sonic has had a good year at least.

ALSO ouran pkmn crossovers I'm SURE there are.... I made a joke once that if they were pokemon the Hitachiins would be Eevees and their whole identity crisis arc would be about that they are allowed to evolve into different things.... I think Hikaru would be an Umbreon and Kaoru an Espeon.

as for TEAMS .. I cant think of anything concrete but I have ideas.

So, Haruhi's would be pretty standard. She's not much a trainer, Pokemon to her are pets/friends and she doesn't really fight. I think her strongest Pokemon would be a Kadabra, but most of them are just normal or flying types. For a starter I think she has bulbasaur.

Tamaki's team would be all over the place. He'd have a really regal Pokemon and then this cool awesome dragon that spits fire. No core type. His starter would be charmander.

Kyoya's team is full of very strong, very refined Pokemon. Leans dark/ice but has a good spread. Starter was Snivy.

The twins are interesting in that they have different teams but they mirror each other. Kaoru has an Espeon, Hikaru has an Umbreon. Kaoru has a Seviper, Hikaru has a Zangoose. No core type. Both of their starters were Cyndaquill but Kaoru kept his a quilava while Hikaru evolved it to typhlosion.

Hani's is just. cutsey shit. many of them un-evolved but really fucking high level. Mostly elec type bc of all the Pikachu clones pachirisu etc. Starter was Pikachu

Mori love defense pokemon so he leans to rock/steel types. His team is a bunch of tanks. Starter was turtwig.

Renge has all those really loud/peppy pokemon like lopunny and sunflora. mostly "girly" pokemon, no core type. Starter was chikorita

[fightingdragonswithwho]

hi, ana. :))

not my usual peppy ask, but you know why, so.

just coming by to say hi since im still logged in here before i log out. dropping some memes below. i adore you. <333

bestie bush, hiiii!! i’m so sorry i’m a little late to this!

sending sm love your way and dropping memes for you! much adoration ALWAYS! <333

[miekasa]

feeling semi-called out because i wear my name tag on one of the pockets of my scrub top, like that's my waist not crotch but i'd probably get a side eye 😭😭 i have so many things and thoughts about the scouts in a hospital au, and omg all your posts about it is bringing it out!! hange in ortho taking in eren too. yes. hange amd all those tools especially the drill LMAO it's perfect. eren is scared at first, but he's also hammering and drilling away in no time. jean in pedia looking like he's holding a football as he holds the little babies 😭 levi being the unexpectedly fair and kind dude from neuro is a fave!! him in oncology is also very special to me tho, like it could be surgical or medical oncology, but he would be so good at both and his juniors would do a double take at how he isn't charming per se, but he has such a way with patients!!!!!! mikasa the smartest girl, endocrinology plus a masters in clinical genetics 🥰 connie in a nonpatient department 😭 i can see it, he is a disaster but an expert at reading those images!! sasha his partner down in pathology or smth, always gets reprimanded for having food out but no one smells out cancer in those specimens like her!!

also...imagine the reverse too, roommate au with levi, but this time he's the one in healthcare and you get to watch him strip at the door after work because of the pancetta. heh. lemme dote on (and bark at) you 🥰🥰

bye i finally had time to go on tumblr and this spilled out, im sorry 😭😭 -💉

Hange as Eren’s attending just makes SENSE!! Eren is hesitant (isn’t he supposed to fix things); but also because a part of him feels like he’s a disappointment for not taking interest in/being gifted at cardio (daddy issues galore). But Hange brings out the best in him, encourages him to use all that feistiness and personality to the best of his ability, and that being a doctor isn’t just about being technical and intelligent on paper; there’s real life application, and personality is a big deal! Honestly, if it weren’t for Hange, Eren might have honestly considered something else, even if he was this far along. They’re the best pair. The loudest too, with the most provocative music taste in the OR, but still the best.

Jean in pediatrics is so near and dear to me. You know he loves the babies so much he’s scared shitless about dropping them that’s why he look so awkward holding them at first. It just takes some practice tho, and soon he’s a pro. It’s kinda... sexy to see how good he is with children, and how easily he can calm a crying infant, and explain complex things to a toddler. He’s such a dream. He knows the white coat thing is a bit pretentious too, but damn if he doesn’t look good in it. 

Levi in neuro... it’s just so GOOD. Of course he of all people would handle the brain and all its complexities, and handle it well. Not only is he a dedicated surgeon, but he’s done his fair share of research, his contributions are crazy, even if they’re (literally) microscopic analyses. He’s pretty decorated, but he never flexes it. When his residents find out they kinda freak, “What the hell is he doing mentoring us?? I’m pretty sure this guy is gonna have a newly discovered brain activity/region named after him in 5 years at least. He’s published in Nature. THRICE.” All that, and he’s good with patients, too, it’s unfair. He’s not peppy or “nice,” to them, but he’s gentle; he’s got that charm about him that doesn’t bullshit, but doesn’t fear monger, and is careful to explain things in layman’s terms so his patients fully understand what’s going on. And when his patients are children? God. Godddd. 

Mikasa best girl, Levi is/was her attending, at least for a period of time, and he never said it but she was his favorite. She’s smart, competent, flexible, and doesn’t have an ego about it. Truly, a blessing. She still/frequently goes to him for advice, and she’s the only resident to ever enter Levi’s office for a non-offense. Just to talk... maybe even have lunch and talk shit about Eren and Hange’s playlist. Mikasa wants to bitch about a difficult patient, and Levi reminds her about HIPAA violations... but gossips (without names) nonetheless. 

So right about Connie in a non-patient department PLEASE. To think Connie considered EMS at first and swiftly shut that idea down when he saw a real life broken bone protruding through skin for the first time, he was SICK LMFAOOO. The bone part was cool to him tho, so radiology turned out to be a great alternative; that way he doesn’t have to see and blood or severed skin, so problem solved! It’s easy to think he’s a slacker or a dunce, but give him labs or imaging to analyze and he’s got it done with ease and accuracy. 

Sasha as a nurse is precious, but I can totally see her in pathology. She literally studies disease for a living/interacts with people with these diseases and other illnesses and is still like, “Can’t believe the human immune system was caught slipping like this. Embarrassiiiiiiiing. Simply be vaccinated.” The rage she feels when she hears about parents not vaccinating their children... Sasha’s usually pretty cheery and always finds fun and hope in her work, but that’s one thing that’ll set her off. 

The reverse roommates au!!! I see the vision!!! Also might I offer: they both work in healthcare, maybe at different hospitals, but kind of on opposite shifts (Levi in the morning, OC in the afternoon/night), all to come home and shit talk their respective hospital boards and healthcare systems. Mutual understanding of their situation and finding time to dote on the other even tho they’re barely holding it together themselves. Peak romance

[fandomobsessediguess]

Sapnap character study

in story form cause i cant do it any other way

remember these are all characters not real feelings or people thx

anyway im just in my karlnapity feels cause all these guys are messed up so here is my take on sapnaps point of view hope you like it :D

some of the things here might be outdated i started this a while ago so if its not super accurate now sorryyyy

i didn’t include anything abt the dream and quackity situation or whatever cause i don’t think sap is aware and this is from his pov (basically im not excusing nor condemning anyones actions regarding that cause sapnap just doesn’t know) Also i say sapnap and punz are siblings even though canonically they are not just cause the wiki says their relationship has been described as brotherly and ik a lot of people like that hc (also sap is not so heartbroken sad boy all the time but thats what im focusing on today :D)

Sapnap felt so utterly, and horribly alone

Dream was in prison. His childhood best friend, the one who’d been by his side since the beginning, who he had chased through the forest, laughed with as they teased George, and fought side by side with even when he didn’t quite understand the battle, was behind bars for so many crimes Sapnap couldn’t list them all if he tried. He didn’t know when Dream had changed but the difference was clear. The man behind the lava wall didn’t care for anyone anymore, only power. Dream wasn’t more than a husk of the rambunctious friend Sapnap once held dear.

George took Dreams betrayal harder than any of them, and now he barely stepped out of bed(not that he really did before). You could only find him in about 3 places: the library, his room, or outside the prison never to step in. In each place he stared blankly. Staring at the rows of shelves. Staring at his blankets. Staring at the blackstone walls. Conversation with him was little to none, and Sapnap wasn’t even going to mention the floating cloaked horror with a million hands and eyes that followed George like a puppy

Bad, his father, the sweetest demon you’d ever meet who took him and trained him and cared for him better than some of the biological fathers on the server, was under the control of the Crimson. The Egg. The Egg had taken over Sapnaps home and forced him to move away, The Egg had corrupted his sibling and now punz was cold hearted and chaotic, The Egg had taken away their dad.

Karls predicament was getting worse and Sapnap didn’t know what to do. At first it was forgetting the groceries. Then it was there was that one time Karl called him by the wrong name which brought up a whole other set of questions. Karl would disappear for hours, days, whole weeks, maybe months, and would return shaken, really shaken. The kind of shaken that led to tears streaming down his face, hastily wiped away. The kind of shaken that caused nightmares and panic inducing flashbacks and memory loss and a feeble attempt by Karl to remain his usual peppy self. Sapnap wanted to help so badly because he hated seeing Karl suffer and not being able to do anything about it but no one could tell him how. Sapnap was terrified he would see the day Karls sweet voice would ask ‘sorry, who are you?’

Quackity started disappearing a while ago too. He said he was working on a surprise. Great, Sapnap didn’t mind surprises. He said he was creating something of his own. Great, Quackity had been pushed to the side too much, he deserved something of his own. Sapnap thought that El Rapids would be enough but if Q had his own plans thats fine. Even though Q had been acting kinda distant or strange Sapnap is in full support of his fiance, as long as he keeps in touch! Quackity didn’t keep in touch. He was gone without another word. Sapnap and Karl had to move away from the blood vines, so they founded Kinoko with George. Quackity was invited but their ‘loyal fiancé’ never showed. Sapnap knew he should check on the man but if Quackity didn’t want to be with them anymore that was on him. he just wished Q had the guts to tell it to his face instead of leaving him clueless and heartbroken in the dust just like everyone always has.

And all Sapnap could do was watch as the world around him crumbled

He felt so lonely

That was because Sapnap was so utterly, and so so horribly

alone

[tittysuckersworld]

ok heck I am super angry about this so ima complain about it on the internet and hope someone can properly help me.

so as most people know, manic panic has a online shop to look for hair dye at a pretty reasonable price. it's also pretty good vegan hair dye that usually looks pretty good. so of course when me and my brother were looking for hair dye to dye his and my hair again, we went to them. we were able to find our own colors respectively (he got electric lizard and I got bad boy blue)and on the 27th of December we put down our order.

well, when I got the email to show and confirm our order it had a package tracking app linked to it so we could see where our package was. when i figured stuff out it showed that yes, I had ordered both hair dyes and yes they were both coming in one package. so I waited and waited and checked the mail every day I could until it came.

the package came in this week Tuesday (January 18th) and I was estatic!! I rushed back inside and opened the package with my keys walking up the stairs, but one I got inside and opened it, I could only see one hair dye. it was my brothers lil pot of electric lizard hair dye with some paper around it. i immediately assumed that the paper around it held my blue hair dye... but it didn't. when I checked the package site again it had a peppy message saying, "your package has been delivered!! enjoy!" and was asking for me to close the old order from manic panic. I hoped for the best and it just having its own box, but I still message customer support for manic panic. all week I've been waiting and checking the mail box every day and still there isn't a second package. and the customer support for manic panic hasn't responded to me once(it's business hours are the normal work week so I should have probably gotten a message by now?????).

now I know that dosent seem that strange, but on the day I didn't get the blue hair dye I kinda panicked and also messaged a report to the package tracking site. and what did they do? they told me their report wait time right away, and when they realized that yup this isn't just a late package this is a real report they sent me another email asking about my package never showing. I responded saying that the package did come just that it didn't have all the items. and they asked for a damage report and pictures of the damaged package and such. that's when I snapped out of my panic and realized, nope.

this isn't the apps problem. it's most likely manic panics. so I tryed to email them but but I was too late so they didn't get it(if support person from app sees this, im sorry for reporting when it wasn't your companys fault and didn't mean to bother or take up your time.) but yes. I just sent manic panic customer support another email to hopefully get some kind of contact and either a refund to try and find a different dye or get the hair dye I ordered sent to me but for now I'm just anxious and dreading this so bad this is really not fun, especially cause of other stuff.

with that stuff being having bad eating disorder that had thinned my hair(used to have really thick hair, now it's way less thick) and the bleach I used without having hair dye to help it breaking my hair. gosh first I get hairdye from lunar tides but it fades in 2 weeks, then this?? djdbjdd idk I'm just so mad and tired of all this. I just want cool hair please.

tldr: manic panic didn't send part of my order for hair dye and hasent responded to me concerning that. not fun.

[samanthadalton]

Gift and a curse part 1

pairings: Bianca x f! mc (Charlie) 

A lot of you actually wanted this fic which makes me so happy because Bianca deserves all the love. 

(also just wanted to add that when i played the game i romanced mackenzie but for this fic and for the story to make sense i’m romancing adam)

context: rewrite of chapter 12, where Bianca admits her feelings for mc and I give their relationship a bit more depth 

reader discretion is advised as there’s mentions of slight internalised homophobia and abuse 

taglist: @cloud9in @jaxsmutsuo @penda-bear @alleycat97 @kawaiibanditmoneytaco @crazzyplays @avalawrencefl @itszdavenport @annamaries-things @rory2107 @gamechoices-player @oxjenayxo @suoirallesalta @boopbapbeepbop @queensayeed @fantasy-of-fiction @baronyvampire @vampiregod325 @waterinathermostat @sanguetripasebolodechocolate (i added people who replied, reblogged and liked my post asking about the fic, some people weren’t showing up on the tag im sorry :((( but if you wanna be added or taken off let me know 😊) 

word count: 3.4k 

After spending the night making up with Adam, Charlie stands on her front porch, savoring the feel of the sun on her skin, reveling in the wave of content that is washing all over her. She’s broken out of her reverie when a familiar voice calls out to her and a small smile creeps up on her lips. 

“Beautiful day right?” Bianca walks down the pathway, her neck craned upwards gazing up at the sky. 

Charlie hums in response, “even more now that you’re here.” She catches Bianca freeze for a split second before plastering a bright smile as she walks up the steps to stand next to her. “So what brings you over here?” Charlie takes a small sip from her glass of iced tea before settling it down on the small table next to her, looking over at the model expectedly. 

“Just wanted to check up on you after yesterday, it was kinda intense. How did it go with Adam?” 

“We had a long talk last night and I finally feel like we’re on the same page again. We managed to put the whole elopement thing behind us.” Charlie waves her hand, dismissing her original predicament, “again thank you for your advice on the roof, it helped me get my head straight.”

When Charlie glances over at Bianca, there seems to be a shift in her energy, her usual peppy self is replaced with an unfamiliar expression on her face, one filled with anguish. “That’s…great. I’m glad to hear it.” 

Charlie lets out a small laugh, “yeah that sounded really convincing.” She squints her eyes, assessing the model. Bianca looks like a deer in headlights, as she watches Charlie’s gaze roam up and down her body, before the AME contestant flashes a teasing smile. “Oooohhhhh. I see what’s going on here.” Charlie says tauntingly. 

Bianca splutters, “oh- you, you do?” A blush creeps up to her cheeks as she shifts awkwardly, unable to meet Charlie’s gaze. 

“I think someone has a little crush.” Charlie jests taking a small step forward. “You were hoping Adam and I don’t make up because you want Adam all to yourself.” 

“Charlie..” Bianca trails off as the girl teasingly pokes at her side, all colour drained from her face. 

“That ‘honey’” Charlie raises her fingers in air quotes, “of yours that you were being all secretive about, you were talking about him right?” 

“You don’t get it. Adam isn’t the one I like.” Bianca blurts out as she snaps her gaze up to the brunette, her eyes staring longingly. Realisation begins to dawn on Charlie as she comprehends Bianca’s revelation and all sense of amusement is wiped from her face. 

“I- what?” Charlie begins blinking rapidly, stunned into submission. 

“It’s you I have feelings for.” Bianca looks at the girl with sadness in her eyes as the silence looms between the two of them. Worry seems to take over Charlie, as her eyes roam the space in front of them, she knows Bianca would never intentionally sabotage her but being on AME means there are prying eyes everywhere and the last thing she needs is for Vince to have some leverage over her. She grabs Bianca’s hand and pulls her into the house, closing the front door behind them. 

“I don’t know what to say.” Simultaneously the girls’ gaze drift down to their intertwined hands and Charlie carefully tears her hand out of Bianca’s before running a distressed hand over her face. “How long have you felt this way, I mean I didn’t even know you liked girls like that.”

Bianca visibly tenses, a grimace appearing on her face, “it’s been on and off season 1 and 2 of AME. I thought I could suppress my feelings but after our kiss in Vegas it’s only been getting stronger.” Bianca sighs heavily, slumping her shoulders tiredly as makes her way to the living room, collapsing onto the couch. Charlie follows close behind and sits next to her, while keeping a safe distance between herself and the model. “And I’ve always been attracted to girls but,” she sinks further into the couch, her entire demeanour crestfallen. “Being a lesbian model in an industry as cutthroat as the model one isn’t easy. A lot of people just assume that it’s easy and that I’m this carefree or this egotistical person and-” she trails off unable to finish her sentence. 

“Hey,” Charlie shifts in her seat, edging closer to Biance, wrapping her in a hug, “you don’t have to explain anything I get it.” She soothing rubs her back, as Bianca settles her face in the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent, feeling lulled by the sense of security it brings her. “I just, I-, Bianca I’m getting married in a couple of weeks.”

“I know,” Bianca pulls herself out of Charlie’s arms, wiping away the few tears on her face. “I’m sorry to put you in this position Charlie but I just know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t say anything.” She sits up a little straighter, conviction beginning to settle in her. “Charlie if you don’t feel the same, tell me right now and I’ll walk away and we can pretend that this didn’t happen, and I’ll make peace with the fact that you choose Adam.” 

Charlie gawks at Bianca, perplexed, the silence from the AME contestant an indication that the feelings may be returned. The model takes her chances and takes Charlie’s hand in hers, her thumb circling the brunette’s knuckles. “Or.. we can acknowledge that you feel something for me, whether it’s a tiny spark or whatever, you feel something for me and we do something about it.” 

Charlie pulls her hand out of Bianca’s and exasperatingly huffs, “what are you talking about?” 

“Come on Charlie, it’s just us here,” Bianca gestures to the empty room, “I know you picked up on my indirect flirting,” although her tone is teasing, her eyes tell a different story. Charlie feels herself almost losing herself in the intensity of Bianca’s hazel eyes but her mind drifts to Adam and she tears her gaze away from her. 

“Maybe, but Bianca this is crazy, I don’t even know what I feel.”

“Then go on a date with me.” 

“What? Oh my god.” Charlie looks at Bianca, shocked while Bianca’s expression is full of determination. 

“We’ve never been on a solo date so go on one with me, tomorrow.” 

“I-, what about Adam?” 

“What about him? Charlie this is about you and your feelings, and I know they exist because you haven’t denied it.” Charlie laughs, shaking her head slightly, the AME contestant is a lot of things but a liar isn’t one of them, at least not when it comes to real life. “Don’t you wanna explore this and see where it goes? Who knows, maybe you’ll be surprised.” 

Charlie knows she should say no, her and Adam are finally in a good place but a tiny part of her knows Bianca is right and she can feel the butterflies in her stomach as the model watches her. “Okay.” 

……

The next day after the challenge, Bianca drags Charlie away from the rest of the group and takes her to the rooftop of the AME mansion. Awaiting for the pair is a blanket carefully laid out on the floor, surrounded by pillows and a big picnic basket sitting in the middle. 

Stunned, Charlie turns to Bianca, admiration in her eyes, “Bianca you did all of this for me?” 

Bianca flashes one of her dazzling smiles before settling on the blanket and patting the seat next to her, “of course I did babe. Now come and sit.” Charlie moves to sit opposite the model, she cranes her neck upwards to catch the faint light of the sun shining through the sky behind the clouds. 

“How did you even get all of this up here?” 

“I told the production team that the bride demanded a mini picnic and that they should oblige with her requests or face her wrath.” 

“My wrath? You make me sound like some sort of villain.” 

“You? A villain? Never. Now lets see what they have in here.” Bianca scrambles through the picnic basket and pulls out a bottle of champagne and a platter of mini sandwiches. 

“Wow, this looks really good.” Charlie picks up a sandwich, and all but moans when she takes a bite, “oh my god this is the best sandwich I’ve ever had.” 

“Let me taste,” Bianca leans forward and opens her mouth a little and Charlie places the rest of her sandwich in the model’s mouth, her fingers slightly brushing over her lips as she does. They both feel a jolt of electricity, but Charlie quickly retracts her hand, and anxiously settles it by her side. 

“So.” 

“So.” 

The girls awkwardly trail off looking off into the distance before the sounds of Bianca pouring the champagne breaks the silence. 

“Look babe, I don’t want this to be awkward. I mean we’re best friends, there’s no reason why we can’t use this time to get to know each other better.” She offers Charlie one of the flutes of champagne, which is gratefully accepts. 

“You’re right, so where do we start?” The girls clink their glasses together and the conversation begins to flow smoothly. 

Bianca talks about her past, how her family grew up poor and how she turned to modelling so she could financially support her parents. Charlie laughs along as Bianca tells her the story of her first gig and how she lied about her age so she could legally be there and how her mother wasn’t happy with Bianca taking up modelling at first, but couldn’t be prouder once she began making it in the big leagues. Bianca also tells Charlie about the issues surrounding her sexuality, how she has to hide who she is because she doesn’t want to be blacklisted or seen as an outcast just because she loves women, because models tend to be very judgmental. Charlie intently listens, part of her gratified that Bianca is sharing this part of her life with her, because it’s definitely not easy for her too. 

When Bianca bares her soul in front of Charlie, Charlie only finds it fitting to bare hers too. She goes deep about her life, things that she hasn’t even told Adam about because she’s worried about what he might think or say. But there’s something enticing about Bianca that simply makes it easy for her to tell her anything. And so Charlie tells Bianca about her abusive father, how he made her and her mother’s life hell for years until her mother had the courage to leave him and since then they haven’t looked back. She talks about how she went to school for a degree in economics but couldn't really find a secure job once she left college so she had to work in a small bookstore so she could make a living. 

The conversation wasn’t all doom and gloom, the two reminisced about past relationships and embarrassing moments, their hopes and dreams, practically every topic under the sun. However, there was one subject that didn’t come up and that was AME. No words were spoken about production, Adam, the show itself, it’s like the girls completely forgot that world existed. After talking for hours, Charlie sighs and moves to stand, stretching her arms as she does. 

“Hey where are you going?” Bianca playfully asks, throwing a grape at the girl’s leg. 

“I just need to stretch my legs a little, god knows how long we’ve been sitting like this.” 

Charlie moves towards the edge of the rooftop looking over the building, her gaze wistful as her mind wonders. Bianca joins her, her arms resting on the wall. 

“What’s on your mind?” 

Charlie doesn’t tear her gaze from her sky, her voice is low and soft as she speaks, “everything.” She turns her head and lifts it to gaze at Bianca, “have you noticed how we haven’t spoken about Adam at all tonight.” 

“Yeah I have. But you can tell me whatever’s on your mind. We’re friends before anything else.” 

Charlie laughs derisively, “no offence but I think you’ll be kinda biased.” 

Biance lets out a small airy laugh, “I promise to be as objective as I can.” 

Charlie sighs before looking out at the entrance of the mansion, the glow of the lights illuminating the pathway, a stark contrast to the dark night sky. “Tonight has been.. nice.” 

“Just nice?” Bianca teasingly raises an eyebrow which Charlie catches in her peripheral vision. 

“I mean it wasn’t what I was expecting. Some of the stuff I’ve told you, I’ve-, I’ve never told anyone before, not even Adam.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh. I thought tonight would give me some clarity, but I’m just more confused than ever.” 

“And why’s that?” Bianca hums. 

“Because.. I think I’m falling for you and I don’t know what that means for Adam and I because I still love him too.” 

Hope glimmers in Bianca’s eyes when Charlie looks up at her, fear creeping into her own eyes. 

“You know what I think?” 

“What?” Charlie softly says. 

“I think that you do love Adam but,” Bianca has a pensive look on her face for a few seconds before it slowly shifts into resolve as it settles into her features. “But, I don’t think you’re in love with him. At least not anymore. I think you’re afraid of upsetting anyone or hurting anyone’s feelings so you’re forcing yourself to go ahead with this wedding when it’s not what you want.” 

Silence stretches between the two as Charlie mulls over Bianca’s words, her brows furrowed together in contemplation. 

“Charlie?” Charlie hums non-committedly, still lost in thought. “Charlie.” Bianca says a bit more sternly, which gets Charlie’s attention jerking her out of her thoughts. “Look babe, I think you’ve done so much for this show, I mean you’re having a wedding on national tv just to please the fans. I think you need to start doing things for yourself, be a little selfish.” 

The air between them crackles with intensity as the two look at each other, desire slowly beginning to flood in their system. Charlie deftly looks at Bianca’s lips before looking back up at her eyes, uncertainty looming before her eyes but she takes the plunge leaning forward capturing Bianca’s lips in a sweet kiss. Bianca moans a little as she deepens the kiss, her tongue tangling with Charlie’s as her hand moves to grip at the brunette’s waist. A familiar voice booms out behind them, and Charlie suddenly jerks back, horror plastered all over her face. 

“Mackenzie.” 

Mackenzie hovers by the entrance of the rooftop, nostrils flaring in anger, as her eyes dart between Charlie and Biance. 

“What the hell is going on here?” 

“Mackenzie it’s not what you think I-” Mackenzie raises her hand, and the words die out in Charlie’s mouth, as tears threaten to fall. Bianca, too stunned to move, stands awkwardly, her mouth hanging open but not daring to speak. 

“I think you need to leave,” Mackenzie’s glare snaps to Bianca, who solemnly nods in acceptance. 

“I’ll catch you around,” Bianca squeaks out before shuffling towards the exit of the rooftop. She throws Charlie an apologetic look before leaving the two girls on their own. 

“You have some explaining to do.” Mackenzie crosses over to Charlie, her arms crossed together, while she gives the girl a deathly glare. Charlie apprehensively wrings her fingers together, unable to meet Mackenzie’s gaze. “Why the hell are you kissing Bianca?”

A dam seems to break in Charlie, hot tears begin streaking down her face, as she begins to sob uncontrollably. Some of the anger in Mackenzie begins to dissipate as she tries to console her. “I don’t know what to do Mack.” 

“Let’s sit down.” Mackenzie guides Charlie to one of the chairs before pulling one out for herself and sits on it facing the brunette. The tough girl awkwardly pats Charlie’s leg as Charlie’s breathing becomes frantic, her chest heaving heavily. “Hey it’s okay.” Mackenzie does an exercise to help Charlie control her breaths, telling the AME contestant to slowly inhale, hold and then to exhale. After a couple of tries, Charlie feels like she’s back in control and nods gratefully at the tough girl. “Charlie, you need to tell me what’s going on.” 

Charlie takes in a deep breath and proceeds to tell Mackenzie everything, from Bianca’s admission to her indecisiveness between the model and her fiance. Mackenzie nods her head along to the brunette’s admittance, a blank expression on her face. 

“I don’t know what to do Mack, I’m torn.” 

“Are you serious? You love Adam, you’re going to marry him in a couple of weeks.” Mackenzie looks down at the ring that sits on Charlie’s finger.  

Charlie exasperatingly throws her hands in the air, “I know that! I’m not sure if that’s what I want anymore.” 

Mackenzie sits back in her seat, contemplating, “I’m one of your best friends, and I made a promise to you that I would do whatever I could to make this the best wedding ever.” she runs a distressed hand through her hair, “are you sure about Bianca? I mean this could be a crush or-” 

Charlie violently shakes her head, “no. It’s not a crush. It’s like-” Charlie gazes at Mackenzie, a euphoric look glistening in her eyes, “when you were younger did you ever want something so bad but you thought you couldn’t have it. And when you finally got it, it exceeded all of your expectations and made you happier than you thought was ever possible?” Mackenzie, purses her lips, her eyes lost in thought. A few moments later she nods. “That’s what it feels like with Bianca. I’ve always felt drawn to her, but I didn’t think she ever liked me like that, I didn’t think it was possible. But now it’s a possibility and I think that I can be happy with her. But the practical side of me thinks that I’m rushing into it. That I’m acting too rash or impulsive and that if I choose her I lose the stability I have with Adam and then I end up getting burned in the end because I’m rushing into something I barely know anything about.” Charlie shakes her head, “I’ve never felt so confused before.” 

“You know I’m never one for the sentimental crap but I think deep down you know what you want, I think you’re just afraid of hurting someone you care about.” 

Charlie laughs, “you know, Bianca said the exact same thing.” 

Mackenzie smiles, “and here I thought she was just another dumbwitted model.” Charlie playful swats at Mackenzie who laughs. “For real, I think you need to have a deep conversation with yourself and weigh out all the pros and cons. But I feel like you already know the answer.” 

Both of the girls fall into a silence as Charlie looks down at her ring, fiddling with it as she ponders. When she speaks, her voice is low and shaky. 

“How do I tell him?” Charlie's voice cracks as her lips quiver, as she holds back another wave of tears.

“If he truly loves you he’ll understand. It might take him a while but he’ll get it, he’s a good guy. He only wants you to be happy.” 

“You make it sound so easy.” 

“Heh. I guess I’m just not one for indecisiveness, I usually know what I want and I go for it.” 

“I envy you for that.” Charlie’s eyebrows furrow together, a skeptical expression on her face. “Do you think I’m rushing into it with her?” 

Mackenzie shakes her head, “no, I don’t. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I mean if I knew she’s a lesbian I would’ve put two and two together but, sometimes you just know who you want to be with. I mean, look at Adam’s parents. They knew each other for 3 months before they got married and they’ve been happily married ever since. You know what Adam’s dad told me his only regret was?” 

Charlie shakes her head, “what was it?” 

“His only regret was that he didn’t ask her to marry him sooner.” Charlie breaks out into a wide smile which Mackenzie returns. “Adam’s probably still awake, you should go and talk to him.” 

Charlie nods with determination, letting out a huge breath, “you’re right, I shouldn’t delay it.”

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Childhood friends

Summary: y/n and negan have been friends forever and have done everything togother. When negans wife Lucille gets sick negan 1st tells her. This event leads to hell but also heaven.

Warnings: swearing,rated R jokes,angst

Recieving a text from negan was a daily occurence for y/n but mosf of them didnt say "get in here. Fast." Y/n walkes into negan office seeing a stressed negan sitting at his desk hyperventilating. "Hey hey breathe" she said running to his side kneeling beside him. She put her hand on his back alarming him to her presence. He turned looked at y/n. "Shes sick" is all he can say as tears fall from his eyes.

She knew negan was speaking of his wife Lucille. Negan had been speaking of this for a while saying how Lucille was getting test done and how he had to work overtime to get the money for some of them. Y/n would help when she could with extra money she had. Due to her living alone and spending most her time passing out at negans she usually ended up with a bit of money left to do as she pleased.

She stayed with negan till he calmed down. "So the test came back?" She asked. Negan nodded. "Its bad y/n" is all he said. The look in his eyes was as if he was begging y/n to do something. "I'm so sorry negan" she said hugging him. She felt negan crying into her shoulder. After a while he pulled away. "Sorry." Is all he said. "Hey...its ok..." she said.

"Want me to come back with you after?" Y/n asked negan. Y/n has known Lucille sense highschool and even introduced negan and Lucille. She really wanted to see Lucille before it got too bad but she didnt want to intrude on negans and lucilles time. Negan nodded. "Please....i cant do this alone." He said softly his voice slightly cracking. Y/n nodded.

School had ended so y/n sat sat with negan while he finished his work. They didnt say anything she knew negan was truly hurting and she didnt wanna bother him. When negan was silent she knew to not speak he was never silent always mouthing off about some bullshit. Negan closed his laptop looking up at y/n who was laid out on the couch asleep. Negan couldn't help but just think of all that had happened within the past few hours.

He looked at y/n thinking about how she was why he met Lucille in the first place and now......here he was. He walked over to y/n picking her up walking to his car. She buried her head into his shoulder. He layed he in the passenger side walking back to the drivers side. He sat down and broke into tears. He felt a hand upon his shoulder not long after. "Its ok. She'll be ok." Y/n said softly. She put her head on his shoulder.

They both knew it was a lie the results werent looking up for Lucille but they had to have hope they had to believe. At the moment negan didnt have much hope and y/n had to hope for them both. After a few negan started driving. They reached negans home in silence.

Negan just sat there staring at the house. "It'll be ok negan." Y/n said. Negan nodded. They walked to the door as negan stared at it. Y/n grabbed his hand and nodded. Negan nodded back. They opened the door to see an empty livingroom. Turning they saw a wasted Lucille in the kitchen. "Heeeeeeeeeeeey y/n" Lucille slurred. "She shouldnt be drinking riight?" Y/n said to negan. He sighed and shook his head. "No. No she shouldnt" he stared at his wife shaking his head before walking upstairs. "Well now is just us gals" Lucille said.

Y/n shook her head. "Lucille..." was all she got out. Negan didnt come down most the night and y/n spent most the night watching Lucille and trying to stop her from drinking more. She babbled on of childhood memories. Eventually y/n got fed up and stood up and started twoard the stairs. "Y/n" Lucille said soflty. Y/n turned. "When im gone......love him the way we both know you do. He'll need it." She said before crashing. Y/n knew what she meant hell anyone who wasn't negan knew what she meant.

Y/n has loved negan sense she was 4 years old. But inevitably life kicked in and negan chose everyone else but her. She walked up stares to see negan laying in bed. His eyes were closed but based on his breathing he was awake. Y/n layed next to him with her head on his chest. "She shouldnt be alone doing that" he grumbled. "She fell asleep" y/n replied. Negan sighed and not long after was he asleep. Y/n sighed. This was going to be hell. Y/n didnt know how negan was going to do it but however she could help she would. She walked down the hall flopping onto the guest bed staring at the ceiling most the night. Why did this have to be so stressful.

Y/n woke up to the smell of breakfast. Grumbling she pulled herself up and out of bed. Walking down she saw negan and Lucille close while cooking. You'd think being in love with your childhood bestfriend whos married would be difficult to restrain feelings but honestly......y/n just wanted negan happy in the end even if its not by her. But now....well Lucille has fucked that up by saying what she did. It repeated in her head all through the night and even now. How could she put that pressure on her how could she have no hope but stand there with negan like nothing happened. Though to her maybe nothing did happen.

Y/n walked to the counter and cleared her throat. They looked and smiled. "Morning y/n" negan said. "Mornin" she replied. "What yall making ?" She asked. "Pancakes and bacon" Lucille said cheerfully. "Your awfully peppy for as much as you drank" y/n said. "Heh well yknow just want to eat" she said giggling. Negan kissed he cheek before walking to the garage to work on his car while waiting.

"Lucille do you remember last night?" Y/n asked more wanting to know if she meant what she said. "I remember what i told you if thats what your asking. I meant what i said. We both know how you feel and we both know i cant fight this. I can feel myself getting weaker and even with your help we dont have the money to fight this. You love him and once im gone hes going to need that. You need to care for him and show him you love him." She said as if it was just another fact. "Your going to be ok Lucille." Y/n heard her voice crack and felt tears start to cloud her eyes. Lucille was still her only other friend outside of negan. Shed known her sense highschool and the thought of her dying.....it shattered her heart. Lucille rolled her eyes. Y/n couldnt take this she couldn't listen to her friend talk of how she was dying.

Y/n walked out to the garage with negan feeling her legs wobble and her heart break. Negan turned and smiled softly then frowned. "Whats wrong.....y/n" negan said walking to her. He grabbed her face making her look up at him. "Nothing." She said. Negan huffed and shook his head. "Fucking hell never one to talk....." he said. Grabbing her he pulled her to the front of the car. He opened the roof showing all the improvements he had done. She adored the car it had so many memories sense even before he could could drive it. She smiled admiring the shiny new improvements. "Heh thought that could get a fucking smile out of you." He said proud of himself. She nodded. "After breakfast lets go for a fucking ride what you say ?" He asked. She smiled and laughed "absofuckinglutely" she replied happily.

Breakfast was awkward well for y/n it was. She sat only with Lucilles words repeating over and over. She felt so much pressure. After negan did as he said and they went for a ride. Eventually he stopped at a park that they went to often as kids. He walked her to their "hiding spot" that now them as grown adults was not so hiden.

Surrounded by trees and plants they sat by a broken down bonfire that was used not to long ago in the week. They sat in silence for a while. "What you fucking thinking about so intensely?" Negan asked. "Your wife." She replied. Negan laughed at how it sounded. "What about her?" He asked. "Something she said to me....." she replied not knowing if she had the right to say what Lucille said.

"What the fuck she say?" Negan said clearly lost what she could've said to have taken up her thoughts so much. "Promise not to tell her i told you." She asked. "Shit y/n........sure.......what is it?" He asked. "She said when shes gone i need to love you the way i truly do." She said. Negan made a grumble and sighing sound before sitting up more. He rubbed his face. "Fucking hell" he said.

"I dont know what to do....." y/n said. "Im sorry" she appolagize. "Dont be sorry she shouldnt have said that.......fuck." he said. He rolled his eyes and turned to y/n. He hugged her close. "This is not on you. Its not on you to care for me and she shouldnt use your feelings like that." He said before releasing her. He held her face. He kissed her cheek before sighing. He walked back to the car y/n following behind.

They returned back later afternoon. Y/n went to take a shower. After she heard arguing downstairs. She knew she shouldnt have but she sat on the step hearing it. "Why would you tell her that?!" Negan yelled. "Well i wouldn't have if i known she was going to tell you like some puppy !!" Lucille said back. "She was worried!! She got nervous with all the pressure you put on her!!" Negan replied. After a while y/n couldnt stand to listen. Negan had broken a promise and the yelling was making her remember things shed rather forget.

She walked into guest room sitting on the bed. At some point.she mustve fell asleep cause she opened her eyes when her bed dipped. She saw negan laying next to her. "Hey" he said softly. "You promised" she replied. He looked ashamed. "I had to say something. She used your feelings and put too much pressure on you. She......she knows our history and she used it. I had to fix it" he said. "But you made it worse......and the yelling......." she mumbled. Negan didnt say anything after.

Negan pulled her closer. They stayed in silence till she fell alseep. Being told to be with negan wouldve been her dream at 15 but at this point with negan married and her being told if said wife dies to love him BY said wife. This hurt her but seeing how casual negan has been the whole time.....that not only hurt but scared her.