#SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE
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stellarbit · 8 months ago
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But Do Remember Often
1.8k words Warnings: Sad and I definitely cried teared up writing this.
Spoilers... ish? If you need some Tech closure, this might be for you.
Listen to this while you read it.
You wake to find yourself back in the Marauder with Tech and you have a choice to make.
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Filtering in through a fog of pain and ringing in your ears, came the hum of the Marauder controls. You lightly touched your head, blinking your eyes open. The dim light of space mingled with the soft red and white controls around you. You didn’t remember when you’d fallen asleep, but there you were, slumped in the copilot chair of the Marauder.
“Ah, you are awake.” Tech’s voice came from your left.
His voice bubbled up a pleasant hum from your chest. You smiled, rolling your head to the side to find him facing you in the pilot’s seat. “How long have I been out?”
Tech sat stiffly in the chair, his hands gripping his thighs. His eyes momentarily darted to the floor before settling on the void beyond the viewport. “I… am uncertain.”
His hesitancy crinkled your nose. Adjusting yourself in the seat, you scanned the stars around you. The lingering drowsiness blurred your memory of the voyage. “Tech, how much longer do we have?”
He was silent for a moment too long, his gaze lingering on the star-strewn void outside before meeting yours with a weight that seemed to pull at the very air between you. "We... don't have a destination, not in the way you think." Tech sighed, continuing, “Before we discuss further, it's crucial to address your current state."
Your heart skipped. Something in his tone, the heaviness of his pause, stirred a dread deep within you. "What do you mean?"
He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was to come. "You are unconscious. You were injured during the mission on Tantiss - a mission I was not a part of.” The room seemed to spin slightly as his words sank in.
A pain throbbed dully at the back of your mind, urging you to focus through the haze. The distant sound of metal and earth colliding echoed through you.
"Unconscious? But I'm here, talking to you." You shook your head lightly, finding some joke in his words. “I don’t... remember being injured." You did a quick scan of your body, but nothing was amiss. 
Tech’s grip on his thighs tightened, sympathy flickering in his eyes, “You wouldn’t. It happened before... before you entered this state."
“State?” You scoffed, but images flashed by you. Falling through the forest, blaster fire, impact - all blurring together. Blinking away the scene, you focused again on Tech. For the first time, you noticed light shimmer around him.
A knowing knot formed in your throat, threatening to make you sick. Deep within your chest, locked far from your mind, a crack split wide open and the pain that followed cut off your air supply.
Quivering and choked up, you managed to ask, “If I’m here because of my injuries, then why are you here?" A tear, a premonition of what was to come, slipped from your eye and nothing could stop the rest that followed.
“Physically, you are not here with me. Nor am I with you.” Tech explained carefully, his eyes squeezing shut for a moment. You choked again at the sight. “I was not with you on Tantiss because I could not be. I perished, months ago, on Eriadu”
The revelation, the memory, felt like a cold wave flooding you.  “Tech,” you said his name in a desperate plea, as if calling it out could halt time itself. Still, you shook, your entire body rocking slightly as your head bobbed from side to side.
Tech said your name softly, his tone a beacon, snapping your attention back and anchoring you to the moment. You tried to hold back the frown, the devastation; the denial was suffocating.
He swallowed hard, the motion visible, and rose from his chair to kneel before you. His eyes lingered over you, soaking in the sight as if memorizing every detail. Tech clenched a hand into a fist; this was as hard for him as it was for you. 
“What’s happening?” You weren’t sure if you’d ever asked him so many questions before. A part of you feared you were wasting precious moments in doing so.
“It would stand to reason,” he began, his voice steady despite the emotion he worked to mask, “that in moments like these, the mind can create vivid, immersive experiences, or even memories.”
His analytical eyes met yours, and though they were filled with a deep sorrow at seeing the terror washing over you, he knew he had to let you navigate through this realization on your own.
“So this,” You sobbed, “This isn’t real?”
A faint smile pulled at the corner of his lips. Something you so cherished, lost for months, and now breaking your heart. “I am here, as much as any memory or echo can be.” Tech brought a knuckle to his chin, tapping as he processed it himself. “It's not uncommon for those with your abilities to have... visions, especially under extreme stress or near-death conditions.”
You absorbed his words, the clinical detachment with which he presented this stark reality clashing with the emotional turmoil it wrought within you. It was so like Tech to relay even the most heartbreaking news in such a factual manner.
Tech continued, “When I died, part of me remained, anchored through the force and connected to you because of our bond. It would be an apt hypothesis, all things considered, that that is how we can still speak, how I can still be by your side in this way. It's rare, uncharted…” He shook his head, clearly amazed himself. “I cannot provide all the answers. But I believe it’s your will that brought us here.”
So you were alone, yet not alone; you were communicating with something beyond the physical, a part of Tech that had refused to let go entirely.
"And what about me?" you whispered, your voice barely a breath. "Am I... am I dying?"
"Not entirely, no," Tech said firmly. "I believe you are caught in between, because of your injury. But this state... it's temporary. You can return."A selfish part of him seemed to surface, hesitant but honest, “It is your choice,” he added, the words heavy with implication.
You covered your face in your hands, wondering if you’d ever be able to breathe again. Two gloved hands tugged on your hands. Looking up, you could barely see Tech through the floodgate of tears. 
Tech reached up with a hand that, you knew, could never truly touch yours again. Yet, you felt it on your cheek brushing away the ceaseless tears. Tech's voice was gentle as he said, “But I am gone from the living world. And you... you have a choice to make: to stay lost in these memories, or to move forward.”
The pain was immense, squeezing your chest until you thought you might shatter. "How can I leave you, Tech? After everything?"
His hand still on yours, he squeezed. “I am quite aware of your strength. You are one of the strongest people I have ever known.” His head tilted in a strangely confident way. It almost made you smile. “Besides, seeing as how I am not going anywhere, you would not be leaving me.”
He stood, drawing your attention upward as he rose. Taking a step back, he gently pulled on your hand, guiding you out of the chair.
Tech stood before you, still holding your hand in the space between you, his expression adorned with a proud smile. "You will always be fascinating," he declared. Then, with a gentle tug at your waist, he drew you close to him.
The sturdiness of his presence was undeniable. You swept your hand up his neck, feeling him solid beneath your touch. You felt him there, could even smell him—every detail vivid, every memory of him acute. You missed everything about him.
“I’d like to ask you something,” he said, his gaze shifting between your eyes, a keen observer eager to capture every nuance of your reaction.
Your voice, barely a whisper, surprised you. “Yes?” When had your tears ceased?
He leaned in closer, his presence enveloping, his eyes searching yours for the truths they held. “Do you regret joining Clone Force 99?”
You took a sharp inhale, your hand instinctively tightening around his neck. “Never.”
“Do you regret knowing me?”
“Tech.” You hissed in final warning. “Now is not the time to make me mad.”
Tech hummed victoriously. “I’m merely gathering evidence to prove my theory.”
“What theory?”
“Why the right choice is to move on.” Tech chuckled as he gently started to sway with you. “Though you will find it difficult to forget my extraordinary mind.”
His quips, his humorous arrogance, tugged at your heart, making your lip quiver. Tech slowed for a moment, his gaze searching your face, unsure if you were on the brink of tears or laughter.
You expected a laugh to taste of ash, but when it came, it didn’t feel so wrong. “How could I ever forget?”
Tech’s eyes widened as he watched a smile spread across your lips. The sight seemed to delight him, a glimmer of his affectionate pride shining through.
He considered asking you to linger; he knew he’d never tire of your company. He’d be content to spend eternity with you. Yet, as he began to sway with you once more, a different thought took precedence.
He cleared his throat and said, “Then it is obvious. Remember me if you want, but you must carry on.” He ducked closer, resting his forehead on yours. "But I quite like the idea of you smiling whenever you think of me, for the rest of your life."
Tech brushed his lips against yours before pressing in with a kiss. 
You felt a tremor in your hand, but his steady grip stilled you. “Tech, I’ve missed you so much.”
"I know, and I you," he replied. "But death is a part of life, an unavoidable end. And my end…” Tech sighed and continued. “Was my choice." 
He pulled away, his hands shifting to your shoulders. “Now, you have a choice.”
You touched his hands, attempting a wobbly smile. “What would I do without you?”
Tech gazed into your eyes, his expression resolved. "You will live," he said. "You'll thrive, because that's what you do now. You adapt, you overcome."
He paused, a smile tingling at the corners of his mouth. "Make new memories, ones that I'd be proud to be a part of in spirit. Remember me often."
His touch lingered a moment longer before he slowly stepped back, "And since I am not going anywhere.” He adjusted his goggles and smirked. “It falls to you to keep the others safe, they certainly need it.” 
With a final nod, Tech turned slightly, indicating that your time together was nearing its natural conclusion, not because he was vanishing, but because you were ready. "You’re more capable than you realize. Trust in that. And when you need to, trust that I'm still here, in the memories you carry and the decisions you make."
He tipped two fingers at you. In a final quip he said, “But do remember me often.”
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moraymoth · 17 hours ago
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hey what the shit is it actually almost january. fuck. i NEED to complete the 7 years shit WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THIS YEAR SO QUICK I COULDVE SWORN YESTERDAY WAS AUGUST?!?!?!?
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alpinezro · 2 days ago
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its so So stupid how small being a trans gay asexual guy makes your dating pool irl
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pardonmydelays · 1 year ago
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screaming crying going to work
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thx-sunsxts-addrxss · 1 year ago
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Dying rn
Do I have 10 exams in the span of 21 days? Yes.
is it in September, aka, a month from now? *shrugs* yeah
am I procrastinating studying when I probably should? *finger guns* you betcha! ;)
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haven-gum-rockrose · 2 years ago
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Oh something happened
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allthebestcowgirls · 2 years ago
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no one in the history of the world has ever felt as lonely as i am feeling right now
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krishna-sangini · 1 year ago
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I was teaching my lil cousin bro English.
I had to explain the meaning of 'homesickness', and I typed 'the feeling when you miss your hoe' instead of 'home'.
Don't worry, that text didn't send 🤡
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witchcraftandgeekness · 2 years ago
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I regret so much that my parents prohibited my attempts to teach my younger siblings dog commands when they were toddlers. Would have been so bloody useful right now, I swear.
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sphylor · 2 years ago
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LETS FUCKING GOOOO 9 HOUR SHIFT ON MY BDAY ON THE BUSIEST DAY OF THE YEAR WHILST IM DYING FROM BLOOD LOSS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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h4unted-bi-my-b0dy · 9 days ago
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What's it like?
To want to wake up..
To feel like you aren't a burden or a bother to everyone you know?
To not think about your body and how much you've hated every aspect of yourself since before you were old enough to even leave home and go to school?
To not be the fattest of your siblings even tho you're the youngest?
What's it like to be able to see yourself through non disordered eyes??
What's it like to not overthink every fucking word you're gonna say before you say it just so you can spare everyone else's feelings but your own??
What's it like to have parents who actually wanted kids??
What's it like ? Being trusted around weapons? And around the med cabinet? And the bathroom in general?
What's it fucking like???
What's it like?
What is it like to want to fucking exist??
Please for the love of fuck please someone answer any of these questions genuinely I want to know what it's like before I die.
Please I want to at least feel good through other people..
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snarkleharkle · 3 months ago
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I'm back at work. Best thing about it is that I can sing this song, and as long as I dance a little, the old ladies will smile and cheer.
Also...I have to wear a mask. Meaning I can pull out my stash of nice ones. Because I will not wear basic blue ones. I refuse.
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maryvisceri · 6 months ago
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Here waiting to see who collapses first, My humble PC or me
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pardonmydelays · 2 years ago
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hey kids sleeping is fun
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the-cinnamon-snail · 7 months ago
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.
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deadbeetleblog · 7 months ago
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Me knowing I will stop eating to punish myself for being a disappointment
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