#SOF T SAD BOI HOURS

[silvcrignis]

"there are times when i am so good at hiding the truth i do not even recognize the story anymore." ( more healer birb for a sad man (tm) )

“Hiding the truth? However do you mean that?” his pale gaze may have been fixed on the legal documents he had been reading but he had heard her. He had exceptional hearing… Batlike infact. Which made sense considering he technically counted as such. Claude himself was honest to a fault (to the point where he had unintentionally hurt the feelings of others at times) if he did not wish to answer something he did not use deception, he merely stayed silent. There was a slight pause, the slight rustle of leather pants as he shifted to uncross his legs. Of course his job meant often twisting the truth if not obscuring it entirely but that was his professional life, personally he had neither the time nor the energy to be exactly who he was & say exactly what he felt.

“… Not that it is my position to pry… But pardon my saying so you seem troubled.”

@rubiesintherough

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: If it's not too much to ask, can I have headcanons for omega Shouto with an alpha s/o? Nsfw or sfw is up to you! Love your writing, love! 💞💞💞

I've been waiting for this moment for fucking W E E K S

Thank you 😌

And this is gonna be HELLA long :)

SFW-

• Sof boy

• He's quiet and can have an intimidating demeanor but he's a baby and he WEAK for you

• I mean the first day he saw you, he felt something

• At first he thought you were another omega

• You were shorter than him and the smile you sported the first day had him fooled

• It wasn't long before he realized you were an Alpha

• You and a few of the other Alpha females of the class were particularly protective of the omega females

• specifically you and Mina

• It came as no surprise that you ended up in the Bakusquad later on

• You didnt exclude the few omega males either

• When he first meets you, like actually meets you, is when he realizes you're an Alpha, based on smell alone

• You smell like Sandlewood and Chai and he LOVES it

• It makes his knees weak

• and you're just so soft?

• Like you have that calm that good Alphas posses and you use it often

• And when you use it for him one day, because he was freaking out, he thinks he's gonna pass out

• It took him WEEKS to realize the pangs in his chest werent physical

• He liked you

• and he doesn't feel like waiting around so he courts you instead and when you look surprised he isnt sure what to feel

• And then regret and dread fill him and he wishes he could just be normal with social cues and interactions

• And you realize he's zoned out a little, shaking and it looks like he's going to cry and you use that stupid Alpha thing on him

• You coo softly and pull him into your chest, telling him it was okay

• And he feels like he's gonna die again but he loves it so much and he's SO relieved when you accept his courting

• When you hugged him he realizes just how touch starved he is

• Anyway that's hour the powercouple of 1-A began

• He's not a big fan of PDA but he's not opposed to holding your hand

• Or sometimes he's had a bad day or he's not feeling the best mentally and he won't care he just wants to be with you

• Will 100% walk into bakusquad hang out in the common room just to hide his face in your shoulder

• Or sit next to you quietly

• You'll wrap an arm around him and press a kiss to his temple while you continue your conversation with Sero and Denki

• Listen they think it's the CUTEST fucking thing

• Because it is. It really is.

• Bakugou pretends it grosses him out but it really doesnt

• He honestly thinks it's a lil cute too and mentally swears that if his BF dont treat him the way you treat yours he dont want him

• Yall will help eachother study

• Because he's good at math but you're good at english

• So it balances out

• And training. Lots of sparring.

• You're also the one to calm him down

• Todoroki tends to beat himself up a lot over his 'daftness'

• He doesn't always pick up on social cues or know how to keep a conversation

• And he hates that because he feels that sometimes it makes people feel uncomfortable and they're his friends and he doesnt want that

• So it'll get to him and sometimes if he over thinks it too much he'll start to panic

• You told him that whenever he felt like that, he came to see your it he called you

• He feels like it's a burden but when he see's the look of love in your eyes and the way you hold him and kiss his cheeks, he doesnt feel like that anymore

• He's so happy with you???

• and he loves you so much

• Y'all are just so disgusting

• Sappy as fuck but also the right level of completely roasting eachother

• It's nice:)

• He cooks for you no doubt

• You make him Soba when he's sad

• When you're sad he'll hold you against his chest and whisper in your ear to counter whatever you had just said

• If you ever feel mediocre it less than him he'll tell you why you're absolutely not less than him

• Ys fights aren't really super serious but it can still get a little heated, it never ends it break ups though

• It usually ends in taking a few hours to calm down (Todoroki refuses to let either of yall go to sleep angry with a problem unresolved) then talking it out and at least TRYING to come to a compromise

• Usually it's about wellbeing matters (overworking and being reckless and what not)

• Going full Alpha if someone fucks with him in battle 🤪

• Going full Alpha if you see him hurt on the field 🤪

• Snapping at Endeavor that one time 🤪

• Him going feral that one time you and Bakugou got SNATCHED 🤪

• Oops 🤪

• LISTEN

• You show him memes and Vines and junk and you teach him about them and one day he just makes a reference but he's completely deadpan about it and you're laughing so hard you fall out of your chair because HOLY SHIT

• He grins a lil

• His alpha laughed at his joke🥺

• S c e n t i n g

• Todoroki loves smelling like you

• He'll steal your hoodies (the oversized ones you have anyway)

• OR he'll have you scent some of his things because he's gonna smell like you dammit

• also gives you a box of your things that he's scented and you dont even mind because Todo smells so good and it's gonna make him happy so hell yeah

• For him Scenting can either be really calming or erotic

• To wind down he'll sit on your bed and you'll be on his lap, scenting him and it just makes him feel so calm

• Will fall asleep

• When he gets really comfortable with kissing he'll be constantly pecking your lips and kissing the nape of your neck when no ones is paying attention

• Once while you were on the couch with Bakusquad, he was walking by with dekusquad to go out and do whatever nerd shit they do

• And he stopped where you were, moved your hair to the side and pressed a soft kiss to the back of your neck and then just. Walked away.

• needless to say you short circuited

• and he does that often

NSFW-

• I once read about Sub/Bottom Todoroki and

• I can't stop thinking about it bc it lowkey works so well

• I feel like he'd be a switch though

• Like somedays he want to be wrecked by his Alpha

• But sometimes he wants to see you squirming and breathless underneath him

• He'd probably prefer to sub/bottom tho

• As I said before scenting can either be really calm for him or it can be erotic and like an immediate turn on for him

• So when it is like sexy time, and you're scenting, this man doesnt stand a chance

• He's whimpering and he's so hard it hurts

• He's got his neck bared for you and his face is read

• It smells like pure sex in the room, its really strong and you both LOVE it

• One time he gets hit by a heat inducing quirk

• And you help him with that because it so much worse than regular heat and you can tell its hurting him

• And he smells so fucking good

• Before he really lost all sense he managed to put a collar on you you couldn't mark him, your Alpha wasn't pleased with that

• Anyway Todoroki gets fucked into the mattress repeatedly, mewling and crying out and he's so fucking pleased with your hips rutting into his

• he feels so full and his omega is fucking KEENING because if the attention he's getting

• You're either leaning over him or you've got your hands on his waist

• He's never been more thankful for the stretching you've made him do so he wouldn't pull muscles

• After a week of the two of you going MIA, the two of you timidly return to 1A

• At some point the teachers (and endeavor) had found out.

• But what were they going to do? You two weren't on school grounds, you weren't breaking any rules

• Endeavor sure as hell isn't going to interfere

• I feel like even Endeavor would understand the gravity of the situation and that the only way to help his son was let him and his Alpha take care of it

• and as long as he's not officially marked by the end of it, he doesn't care

• Shouto does, however, have a shit ton of hickies and scratches and bruises. Everytime he looks at them his omega keens again and he loves it

• Like, Hickies on his jawline. Hickies on his arm and the back of his neck, on his thighs and stomach

• Bruises on his wrists and hips and thighs

• Like all this shit is visible

• He reassured you after you apologized profusely for like 2 hours that it was FINE and he LIKED it

• His class had a fuckin stroke

• especially Deku

• Bakusquad is lowkey impressed bc holy fuck YOU did that???

• 'You seemed so Vanilla'

• Lmao sikeee

• Todoroki learned a lot about what he liked during that

• He likes having his hair pulled

• He likes being praised and told how good he is

• He likes being DENIED what he wants until he's BEGGING for it in short and broken gasps, moans, and sobs.

• He likes Sharp and rough sex followed by something sweet and slow

• He probably wouldnt be on board with being degraded really, which is fine bc I cant imagine anyone who would want to degrade this boy

• From then on you do tend to help him with heats they just dont last as long

• He really likes grinding

• Just like all forms of it

• Making out? He's going to have you grinding on him while you're sitting on his lap

• He's horny and you're busy? He'll ride your thigh while you're doing work on the computer

• He felt like Domming today? He's going to grind himself on you while he's still got pants on.

• Laying in bed? He'll hump and grind against your thigh while you smile and kiss him.

• He just really loves it

• /Thourougly/ enjoys foreplay

• one of his favorite parts about sex

• When he doms- he starts out a little nervous unless he's in a mood but he'll quickly fall into it

• His voice is just so suited for being a Dom like wtf

• He'll lean down and whisper in your ear

• 10/10 dirty talk

• Uses his body as sex appeal to make you squirm

• will cuff you

• Will tie you up

• He'll not let you touch until your like really close

• He likes to see you come undone underneath him

• He thinks you're so pretty when you've got drool dribbling down your chin with your eyes lidded and face red

• He thinks your moans are the best

• I don't see him as being particularly loud in bed until he's actually a mess

• so it starts off as quiet groans and silent moans but as it goes on he'll get louder

• in heat though he's VERY loud

• Let's say you're in the middle, it depends on what's happening

• Y'all have the perfect balance of absolute filth and it's never boring :)

[anythingandeverything1d]

Cheated

Cheating (part 1)

You rolled over clutching a pillow to your body. Light flooded into the room through the curtains and you closed your eyes again not ready to fully wake up. “(y/n)?” You let out a deep breath, rolling back onto your stomach and reaching for your phone to check the time. Gemma opened the door slightly and smiled, relief flooding her face. “Oh thank god youre awake.” She wandered in laying on the bed next to you. “I thought you were never going to get out of bed, I was starting to get worried you weren’t okay.” You rolled your eyes with a smile on your face sitting up.

“I don't think I’ve slept that well in a very long time.”

“You slept for almost 11 hours..”

“Ugh my head still hurts thought.”

“Probably all the wine you had last night” she laughed sitting up as well.

“That was not the best decision.” you agreed.

“I don't know, it was kind of a lot of fun.”

“Fun yes, but now? not so much.”

“Well I hope you recover quickly.” You looked over at her with a confused look.

“Why?”

“Because we have plans.”

“But why can't we just lay in bedddd all day.”

“Because I have a date, and he's bringing his friend so you have to come too.”

“Gemma”

“(y/n), its not a real date just come okay? I promise it will be very chill.”

You rolled your eyes and got up. “Youre crazy you know that?”

“But you still love me.” she hugged you tightly.

“Yeah I guess.” 

“Get dressed girl, who knows maybe you’ll meet your husband today.”

“Doubt that, that's what I thought last time I went on a date.” Gemma smiled sadly and nodded. 

“It'll be fun okay? If at any point you don't feel like its helping we will leave. Deal?”

“Deal.” you agreed. You climbed out of bed and stretched. Gemma looked at the shirt and raised an eyebrow at you. “Stop okay. It’s just a shirt.”

“Uh huh whatever you say.” You groaned, your head falling back as she laughed while walking back into the hall. “We are leaving in 30 minutes.” 

“Yeah yeah.” You decided commit to the date. If you were actually going to go out and see people in public, you wanted to look cute. You decided to wear a cute dress and sandals, your hair pulled back in a messy bun. You applied a little makeup and finished with some lip gloss. Looking in the mirror you grinned. For being hungover, you looked good. You found Gemma waiting in the living room. She was in jeans and a cute t-shirt, her hair down, and a hat on her head. You spun in a circle and she laughed leading the way down to the car. 

You were meeting her boyfriend Mical and his friend at a small cafe for lunch. Gemma ran to Mical, hugging him tightly. “(y/n) this is Mical, Mical this is (y/n)” He smiled and shook your hand before sitting back down at the table. “Where’s your friend, Tom right?”

“Yeah he should be here shortly, he said he ran into a little bit of traffic.” Michal kissed Gemma’s hand and you smiled. He seemed like a good guy, Harry may have even approved of this one. He always seemed to be far more overprotective than he needed to but you thought Mical might pass some of the tests. You noticed Mical staring and shook your head clearing your thoughts.

“Sorry what?”

“How do you like London so far?”

“It’s great, I’ve lived in LA all my life so moving was a big change but I think I definitely fell in love with the city in the time I've been here. Theres just something about-”

“So sorry I’m late everyone.” A boy came running over out of breath and interrupting the conversation.

“Ah Tom, lovely to see you made it.” Tom smiled and you smiled, he was cute that's for sure. You also knew you had seen him somewhere, you just didn’t know where.

Mical introduced Tom to everyone as he was sitting down in the seat next to you. He leaned over and whispered, “Did I miss anything exciting?”

You laughed and shook your head, “Just the small talk no one ever wants to be a part of.” He looked over at you with an approving grin and you stared at him. “Have I seen you before?”

“Probably, you know I’m quite a big star now a days.”

“Oh are you now?”

“Oh yeah, I’ve got loads of roles, but you probably know me best for my role as the greatest superhero to exist.”

“You don't look like Chris Hemsworth...”

“Ouch, ouch (y/n) that one really hurt.” You laughed and he smiled. “More like this,” He got up and squatted, sticking his hands out and pretending to shoot you. “Be careful now, Spiderman has you in his sights.”

“I thought Spiderman didn't want his identity revealed, you're not very well hidden here Parker.”

He just smiled, shaking his head and sitting back down. Gemma watched the two of you with a big smile on her face. You had to admit, Tom was great. He was extremely attractive, funny, sweet, and seemed like an overall good person. You were having a lot of fun getting to know him. As Gemma and Mical were getting up to say goodbye, Tom pulled you aside. “I know we don't know each other very well, but uh would you want to go out and grab drinks some time?”

“You mean our friendly neighborhood Spiderman has time for that?”

“Oh yeah, he will always make time for a pretty girl.”

You blushed and nodded, “how's tomorrow night?”

“Sounds great. I’ll pick you up at 7.” He kissed your cheek quickly before following Mical who had already walked through the door.

“Soooo” Gemma asked walking over and grabbing your hands. “What did you think of Tom? Cute right?”

“Yeah, we are actually getting drinks tomorrow.”

“Oh my gosh!” She squealed. “I am so proud of you.” You attempted a smile looking down. Truth is you were excited, but also sad. Part of you wanted that date to be with Harry. Part of you wanted to call him and tell him to come over, and part of you wanted to forget the other night happened at all. Then the other part of you said to move on, not trust him, and go out with Tom. You followed that part of your mind.

You and Gemma had made your way back to her apartment, only to find a big bouquet of flowers on the porch. Your name was on the card and you opened it, revealing a small black box. Inside the boxes a necklace, your necklace, the one you had lost weeks ago. It was a silver H that Harry had given you after dating a couple months. He said it was to remember him by when he wasnt there because of tour. He also said it was to let everyone know you were his. You loved this necklace and telling Harry you had lost it had nearly broken you. You lifted the chain from the box and held it in your hand. Gemma pretended to not notice the tears and made her way inside. You picked up the card and looked at Harry’s cursive handwriting. Your breathing increased as you read the message, “What once is lost, can always be found again. Maybe finding your necklace is hope that we can find our way back together. I miss you -H” You blinked a few tears away taking a big breath and walking inside with the flowers. You clipped the necklace around your neck, the H falling at your heart. The familiarity of the necklace gave you a warm feeling inside and you smiled. 

You had decided that it was time to go home, face the fear, the pain, and the loss. You knew you couldn’t live at Gemma’s forever and figured now was as good as time as any to get back to your life. “Are you sure? I could come with you?” Gemma hugged you tightly. 

“I’ll be okay. You helped me more than I could ever thank you for but its time for me to face the future. I can't ignore my flat forever.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. Thank you for everything. Seriously.”

“Anytime, and please come back anytime. I’ve loved having you here.” You nodded, grabbing your bag and walking to the car. You dropped it into the trunk as Gemma ran back out. “(y/n)!” She caught up to you and grabbed your arm. “You forgot this..” She handed you Harry’s white t-shirt, the one you wore to bed last night. 

“I don't-”

“You need it more than I do.” She hugged you one last time, pushing the shirt into your hands and then pushing you into the car. She waved as you drove away and you brought the shirt up to your nose, smelling his sweet smell again. 

You walked through the door of your apartment and froze. The place was spotless, much cleaner than you had left it. You walked into the kitchen and found a note on the counter, “Figured you would want to start over -H” You looked around confused, making your way to the bedroom. Everything was clean, you had a completely new bed and comforter set, and Harry’s things had been removed completely. You dropped your bag and sat on the floor, your knees against your chest, tears falling down your cheeks. You had wanted Harry to go, you told him to never come back...but now that he was gone it was too much to handle. You cried, this wasn't what you wanted. You didn't want him to completely move on with his life and out of yours. You had maybe even hoped that when you came home he was here. Instead you got an empty apartment, with new furniture. All of it felt cold, and none of it felt like home anymore. 

You stood up trying to breathe and calm down again. The first thing you did was put Harry’s shirt on. You breathed in his smell and cuddled into bed, trying to remember what Harry’s hug felt like. You closed your eyes trying to stop the tears and flashed back to the first day you had spent in the apartment. 

* “(y/n) this place is perfect.” You smiled, Harry had his arms tightly around your waist, his chin on your shoulder as he looked around. You had just gotten the keys to your new apartment in London. Harry had surprised you by meeting you there for the first night. 

“I think so.. its a perfect location too, not to far from your family and downtown. Plus the arena is close so if youre here performing we can have as much time as poss-” Harry had interrupted you, spinning you around and kissing your lips softly. You looked at him with a smile. “It doesn't quite feel like home yet but I think with some new curtains and a-”

“I know what would make it feel more like home.” Harry lifted you off the floor, your legs tightening around his waist, his lips on yours. He carried you to the couch where he softly dropped you, laying over you and pulling off your t-shirt. He pressed warm kisses down your neck, sucking gently at the skin under your ear and then unclipping your bra and throwing it to the ground. You gripped his shirt and pulled his lips back to yours, his tongue wrapping around yours. You undid your pants and Harry finished pulling them off. You tugged at his shirt as he took off his shorts. He kissed you harder, deepening the moment. Your nails dug into his back as he pushed deeper into you. The two of you groaned in pleasure, your lips not pulling apart. Harry had reached up to grip the couch, knocking the new lamp off the table instead. He laughed deeply, kissing you more and mumbling sorry. You laughed and kissed him harder. The two of you had ended the evening, naked and cuddling on the couch in the dark. Harry had carried you up to bed that night, promising to love you forever and make this place feel like home*

Your eyes opened and you looked around again. So much for those promises... You tried sleeping, curling into bed but nothing was working. You were rolling around, your body fighting sleep. You were nervous to be alone again. You just wished Harry was there to hold you as you fell asleep, his heart beat in rhythm with yours, his bare chest against your back, and the kisses he would leave on your jaw. Ughh why is life so hard you thought, throwing a pillow at the wall and kicking the comforter to the floor. You ended up falling asleep with your head at the foot of the bed. Dreams of Harry and that night tore through your brain and you woke up sweaty and exhausted. 

You were feeling a little down, you lounged around in bed most of the day, rewatching episodes that played on HGTV. You hadn't eaten anything and you really hadn't felt like getting dressed, showered, or cleaned up in any kind of way. Your phone buzzed, you instantly checked hoping to see Harry’s name. Disappointment immediately set in as you saw an unknown number. You clicked on the message reading “Hey, its Tom, you know spiderman. Anyways just wanted to check that we were still good for tonight?” You groaned and dropped the phone, of course you had the date tonight. You contemplated cancelling, staying in bed and not going out in public for any reason. Harry hadn't even tried to contact you today and you were a little upset by that. You sighed and texted him back, “Of course, excited to see you.” before standing up and getting ready for your date. 

Tom picked you up at exactly 7. He was dressed in jeans with a nice shirt, his hair slicked back. He brought a rose to the door and held it out to you with a smile. He started out the date by picking up dinner and eating in the car. The two of you joked around. He told you stories about being on set of Spiderman and how uncomfortable the spandex suit was to wear. The driver dropped you at the bar and Tom helped you out, holding tightly to your hand as you walked in. You were having a great time. Tom had immediately pulled you out onto the dance floor. You had laughed at his moves and he had tugged you along with him. When the songs slowed he pulled you against him and swayed to the music. It gave you a warm feeling inside. He was genuinely making you happy. The two of you had ended up on a couch in a very deep conversation. You shared your feelings about your relationship with Harry. How you had been cheated on, how you didn't know how to move forward. Tom also nodded relating to when his last girlfriend had cheated on him. He was good at giving advice, and was even better just to talk to. He suddenly got up, pulling you to the bar where he bought a round of shots. He held one up, “To new beginnings?” he questioned looking at you. You smiled in response, holding your shot up as well.

“To new beginnings.” You downed the shot like no other, a new feeling of hope deep within you. You could learn to be happy without Harry, you could learn to not need him or want him. It might take time but you were getting there. After a couple more rounds of shots and dancing around the club, Tom drove you home. He walked you to the door with a smile. You unlocked it and stood there. “Uh thanks for tonight I had a lot of fun.”

Tom smiled and nodded, “Yeah so did I, maybe we can do it again sometime?”

“Definitely.” You smiled and he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. It was a nice kiss, the kind that made you smile. It wasn't knee weakening like Harry’s but you enjoyed it, almost enough to invite him in. That is until you opened your eyes and found yourself staring into the jealous green eyes of none other than Harry Styles himself.

---

Hope you guys enjoy part 2 of the cheating series :) 

Here is part 3 Moving On

If you have requests message me as always and stay safe! xoxo

[punkcupcakestyles]

Love Song

5

“Of course it does. I’m fucking cute.”

“You are. And I really want to kiss you right now.”

“But you can’t.”

“I can’t.”

Catch up!

I had messed up, I knew that much, or at least a part of me, the smart one, knew it. The other part was reeling in excitement, a smile plastered on my face as I kept replaying the kiss in my head.

God, that kiss.

I could remember every second of it, the sweetness of his lips, and the eagerness of his touch as he explored, with nails scraping lightly on my skin as his fingers dug on the curves of my body.

We had kissed until our lips were swollen and there was no more air in our lungs.

"Sorry," He had chuckled as he broke the kiss, pulling away just enough to look at me. His fingers were caressing down my arms, so softly that a million goosebumps rose at his wake, and I couldn't help but let out a shaky breath. His lips were as purple as mine, swollen with the kisses we had shared, and his cheeks were pink flushed, giving him a boyish look that only added to his already ridiculous charm.

"S'okay," I whispered, the warm fuzziness of the kiss still buzzing on my kiss. I could feel it on my chest, as my heart thumped in somewhat joy and somewhat guilt. It made my fingers prickle and my brain to jump from one memory to the other, still uncertain that it hadn't been just a fickle of its active imagination. Real or just my imagination, I was never going to have a kiss like that again.

But then again, it hadn't been just a kiss, it was a moment of complete abandon, one where I had let curiosity win the battle, and allowed myself to go far beyond from where I was supposed to go.

I wished I had kissed him a little more, with those butterfly kisses you see in the movies, with my hands cupping his face and his own fingers tangled in my hair. It would've been a lot nicer that way. But instead, I had untangled myself from him and went to sit right by his side, my fingers slipping from his as he allowed me to go.

It was easier to breathe that way, easier to think too, without the temptation of his cherry lips so close to me. I smiled shyly and my fingers knotted in my hair,  bringing it behind my ear, in a clumsy attempt to give myself something to do.

"What I said earlier was true, y'know?" Harry finally said, breaking the air that was filled with tense electricity, the same one that was bubbling in my tummy and prickling on the tip of my fingers. His words made me look at him, deep into his eyes this time, and to notice the curiosity that was burning in them. "I can play by your rules."

"I thought what you said earlier was that we could be friends."

"That too. I'd really like that too. I just...I just got a feeling they're important to you." His smile was sincere and shy, his little dimples popping out on his face as he cast down his gaze. What was I supposed to say, anyway?

"So, no more kisses?"

"We can figure that out." His smirk grew and I realized just how stupidly easy it was for him to jump from a sweet boy to the dashing man he actually was. He rolled his bottom lip into his mouth and leaned just a little bit, enough so his breath fanned over my skin and I could smell his cologne. "We just need to behave," he whispered, a secret for both of us to keep and break.

"I behave, Styles," I whispered back. "Maybe you should be the one to stop smirking and...kissing me."

"I'll try my best. Can't promise anything, though."

"You're an idiot," I giggled for a second, before inhaling deeply as I licked my lips. For the first time that night, I failed to look him in the eyes. "It's not about sex, you'know?" It wasn't. I had no idea what it was about, though. I just needed those rules, that security, that sense of control, the idea of being in charge of something, of anything, really.

"You don't have to explain why they're important, Sof, I just know that they are. That's enough, innit?" He said, and the sincerity in his voice made me smile, and look at him as his fingertips brushed lightly over my hand, a simple touch meant to reassure me. "What?"

"Haven't met many guys like you, Harry," I said. "I still can't figure out if that's a good thing."

"It's a sad thing for sure."

"It is," I chuckled, even if there was not much to laugh about. His lips were sweet and soft when they met mine in a quick kiss, fingers cupping gingerly around my face as he pulled me closer. Just a second, not long enough to get lost in him, but able to make my breath hitch.

"That was the last one," he whispered as he broke the kiss.

"You promise?"

"I can't," he smirked in response. "I'm gonna take a shower."

"Now? It's almost day!"

"I know, but I, uh, I need a minute alone. Or maybe two," he replied bashfully, and it took me a couple of seconds to realize what he meant. When I did, I looked away from him, so I could hide the flush on my cheeks.

"Go."

15 minutes had gone by and Harry still hadn't come out of the bathroom. Time was my enemy, really, cause it gave me the opportunity to think, to dwell on the awkwardness and regret the things that didn't happen, and the ones that weren't going to happen. The more I thought, the more nervous I got, dry mouth and thumping heart.

The shower finally stopped running and I could hear Harry as he rummaged through the bathroom, getting ready to come out. I closed my eyes and let myself slid into the covers, pretending to be asleep when I heard the door open. A sigh echoed in the air, a couple of steps and a door closing again. The lights were off and I was alone in bed.

Harry had left.

***

@D

- INFO YOU NEED TO KNOW -

Name of the show: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Host: Jimmy Fallon

Time slot: 11:35/10:35 C

Location: New York

Who will be featured with you?: Saoirse Ronan and John Legend.

Sketches: You’ll be participating on either Box of Lies (he’ll give you an object and you either lie your ass off or tell the truth about it, while he tries to guess); Dance Battle (there is a dance move generator); or Egg Russian Roulette (literally, you’ll be cracking eggs over your head).

@D

You’re gonna be wearing an Elie Saab black dress with a plunging neckline (it’s already picked, Midge loved it). We would very much rather if you didn’t play the Egg Russian Roulette. We’ll see what we can do.

@D

Jimmy Fallon laughs a lot. Try to ignore that.

@D

If asked about Harry, divert. We’re still not talking about it.

@D

We’ll leave to New York at 3. Be early.

@D

I left a new script at your place this morning. I would like to touch basis with you on the plane, see if it’s anything that interests us. (I wonder where you were 🤔)

@D

We’re having dinner with Harry and his friends tonight. We’ll be arriving at the hotel at around 9ish, so you won’t have a lot of time to get ready. I left a couple of outfit options as well.

@D

BTW, we need to talk.

***

Maybe I could still make it. After all, it was only 12:15, which left me a little less than 3 hours to go home, take a shower, pack, and get across town to board the flight.

I wasn’t going to make it.

Diana was gonna kill me.

I was dashing through the room, picking and piling the few things that belonged to me onto the bed, and sighing in desperation when I realized they would simply not fit into the ridiculously tiny purse I had with me.

There was no way I was putting on the dress I had the night before, I wasn’t looking forward to being seen on it as I left Harry’s house, or to have my picture taken as I did what it would look like a “walk of shame”. Instead, I had decided to keep on Harry’s clothes, even if his sweatpants felt tight around my ass and the upper part of my thighs. My hair was dangling dangerously from a top knot, threatening to fall apart if I moved too fast and my eyes were puffy from the lack of sleep.

God, let there be no paparazzi outside his home. I wasn’t photo-ready anyway.

“You look nice.” The voice startled me, making my heart jump before I turned hastily to look at him. There he was, leaning onto the door frame, as he wore a clean black t-shirt and black jeans, and he leaned onto the door frame.

Harry smiled in satisfaction at my reaction and slowly walked into the room. It was only then that I noticed the pink suitcase he was carrying, one that looked exactly like the one I used for short trips.

“Is that mine?” I asked him.

“Yeah. Diana called, asked if you were ready for the trip. I told her you were. Then I woke up Sam, called your sister and asked her to pack your stuff, and Sam went to get it,” he explained. “Perfect plan, innit?”

“Y-you talked to Cat?”

“Yeah...I know you said “no families”, but uh…”

“Thank you,” I replied softly before he could explain himself any further. He had saved my ass, after all.  

I realized I wanted to kiss him, lightly and sweetly. A tiny peck on his cheeks, or a quick kiss on his lips, anything to have him close once more, to feel his warmth, and get a chance to nuzzle my face in the crook of his neck. That was something I probably shouldn’t do.

Harry brought the suitcase over the bed and sat next to it. It was pink and soft, covered everywhere with the bright orange logo of the high-end brand. It had been the first stupid purchase I had ever made after I had made sure we had a roof over our heads, food on our table and Cat was enrolled in a private school, all expenses already paid for. My mom was slowly coming out of her haze and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe again. So I had bought it, a way to celebrate myself and the fact that we had peeked out of the darkness.

“What are you wearing?” Harry drawled, as I started to look for something to change into. My cheeks blushed, pink and hot, and I looked at him with a shy smile of my own.

“I, uh, didn’t want anyone to see me wearing the same clothes. I didn’t want the rumors.”

“So you decided to wear my clothes instead? That’s a great plan.”

“I didn’t think about that,” I smiled. I finally found a V-neck white tee, and a pair of light blue jeans that would be comfortable enough to travel in. “Where did you sleep?”

I wondered if the question had come off accusingly, or if it was as casual and carefree as I had intended it to be. Either way, I realized I shouldn’t have asked it.

“A guest room...”

“Oh.”

“I figured you wanted space. Didn’t you?”

I nodded in response, which was easier than to say what I was really thinking. Like it would’ve been nice for him to stay, or that his bed was too damn big for just one person.

I didn’t know if he quite believed me, a curious glint burning in his eyes as he looked at me. If he didn’t, he didn’t say anything, but licked his lips and remained silent as he let himself fall back on the bed. It shifted under his weight, and I smiled at him when he looked up.

“We should get our story straight, y’know?” He said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we should know our story, especially if we’re meeting my friends tonight.”

“Just tell’em the truth, Harry.”

“I really don’t wanna do that,” Harry chuckled, shaking his head as he went back to look at the ceiling. He clasped his hands over his tummy and pressed his lips together, deep in thought.

“Ok, how about this?” I put my clothes down and climbed on the bed to lie by his side. “You saw me at a party, thought I was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, told Jeff that if he didn’t get my number you would burn down his house, and here we are!”

“That sounds like something that could happen,” he chuckled, turning to one side to face me. My smile widened as I looked at him and felt the soft tickles of his fingers as they snuck under my shirt. It was soft and sweet, meant to have me close to him and nothing else.

“Of course it does. I’m fucking cute.”

“You are. And I really want to kiss you right now.”

“But you can’t.”

“I can’t.”

***

I had made it.

I was sitting on the leather chair, with my knees against my chest, as the plane got ready to take off. Diana, Jeff, Harry and I were the only passengers, and the two boys were talking as Diana sat in front of me.

“You know there’s a lot of actors out there that don’t travel with their agent everywhere?” I asked the blonde girl, who rose her eyebrow as she offered me a smirk.

“Consider yourself lucky, then,” she replied.

“I do.”

“Did you have time to check the script?”

“No, sorry, I didn’t.” I felt myself blush in embarrassment, as I looked at the way she rolled her eyes at me.

“Good thing I got a copy. See? Having your agent by your side is pretty useful,” she handed me a thick script, with a handwritten note on the first page, and the title of the movie written in bold caps.

“Dear Midge,

I think this would be perfect for Sofia, and Sofia would be perfect for us. Audrey wouldn’t have been Audrey without Holly.

To our new Holly.

Kisses,

B.”

“Breakfast at Tiffany's?” I chuckled in disbelief. “Are you crazy? This is one of the most beloved characters in cinema’ history.”

“I know.” She replied simply, a sweet smile replacing the sly one from before. “And they want you. This is a great remake. They’re gonna play Holly’s bisexuality and Paul’s homosexuality, which obviously wasn’t featured in the original one, she’s gonna be an actual scort, even smoke weed. You’re gonna be the Holly that Truman Capote intended her to be.”

“I’m gonna murder Holly,” I sighed. The script fell on the coffee table between our seats, and I got up from my chair to walk to the back of the plane, where they had coffee and snacks ready for us.

“Let’s do this.” I heard Diana say as she followed behind. “Read the script and we can talk about it later. The role is yours if you want it.”

It was time for me to roll my eyes at her.

I poured coffee for both of us and leaned into the counter as she stood by my side. For a second, it looked as if she had something to say, but didn’t know how; her lips rolled into her mouth and her eyes cast over the red coffeemaker. The silence upon us was suffocating, even for just a few seconds, and I cleared my throat to call her attention to me.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Nothing. I just…” There were very few times where I had seen Diana struggle with words. Each time was scarier than the other. “I talked to your dad.”

“You what?” We were well out of earshot, but I still hissed my words under my breath. My heart felt as if it could stop at any second, racing fast and strong as Diana shifted uncomfortably on her feet.

“I, uh, he called, asked for you. I thought that, well, I’ve never heard you talk about him, so I decided to see him, find out what he wanted.”

“What did he want?”

“Nothing...He, uh, asked about you, about Cat, wanted to know you were ok. I  made sure he was as comfortable as he could, and that he was able to go back home.”

“You gave him money…”

It was actually a relief, to see her doubt for a second right before she nodded. He wasn’t after me, or Cat, or mom. I could live with that.

“Yeah, Yeah,” Diana continued. “He didn’t want to, though. But I, I wanted him to…”

“Get the hell out of L.A.? Thank you, me too.”

“Yes, but he had this crazy story, y’know? About how you left home. Pretty fucking away from the standard ‘She always wanted to be an actress and we let her move to a corrupt city when she was way too young, so she could shoot her shot’ one.”

“D…”

“I don’t wanna know, Sof. We just need to make sure this doesn’t come out.”

“Yeah.”

“And please, consider the movie. We need a second Oscar,” she said in a loud voice, while she took both of our cups in her hands and turned to go back to her seat. “Better yet, win that first Oscar!”

I stood where I was, leaning against the counter as I tried to imagine what my father had told Diana. It could’ve been anything, even the truth. I was unable to move or even breathe, so I just stared at the group of people that were sitting in front of me. Harry was laughing loudly at something Diana had just said, while she sat primly on her chair. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and he leaned forward as his arms hugged around his own tummy. They seemed happy, far from the darkness that was pressing down my chest and making everything seem distant and bleak.

“Excuse me, miss? I need you to sit down, we’re about to hit some turbulence,” the petite flight attendant told me. She had popped out of nowhere, and I stared at her for a second, wondering how much, if any, of our conversation she had heard. She smiled shyly at me, but still, her firm hand guided me to my seat, repeating her order to everyone so they would sit.

Harry sat next to me and looked at me in surprise as I took his hand in mine. “Are you scared of flying?” He asked and I replied with a swift nod of my head. I wasn’t, I just needed something to anchor me to reality. Closing my eyes, I leaned back onto the chair and tried to focus on the loud thumps of my heart, counting them as Harry began to rub soothing circles on my skin.

“It’s ok,” he whispered. “I’m right here.”

“We’ll fall together.”

“Literally.”

***

“So, let’s talk about sleeping arrangements,” Diana told me as the plane was landing.

I looked up from the script, which I had been reading during the whole flight, and quirked my eyebrow at her sheepish smile. Harry, whose head was resting on my shoulder as he slept, stirred just a bit in protest.

“What?”

“Well, Harry has an apartment in New York. We’re staying at a hotel in Tribeca and Harry would come and go as he pleases. Unless you want to stay in his apartment, he offered.”

“I’ll stay at the hotel.”

“That’s a good idea.” Diana smiled proudly.

Between landing and getting our things in the car, we arrived at the hotel at 9ish, just as Diana had predicted. What she hadn’t told me was the fact that there were going to be paparazzi waiting for me in front of the hotel. I glared at her as she offered me an apologetic smile, and without saying anything, she jumped out of the car, with Jeff following suit, to get our stuff.

Harry came out first and went to help Jeff carry our suitcases into the hotel. When it was my turn to come out, I just dashed to the entrance, getting into the hotel without answering or even acknowledging the insidious questions thrown my way. I wasn’t in the mood for them, or anyone really.

Diana and Jeff stayed at the lobby, while Harry and I got to the top floor of the hotel without saying a word. He stood right next to me during the whole ride, holding my suitcase on one and an overnight bag over his shoulder. His hair was disheveled, and his eyes were puffy, revealing just how little sleep we had had the night before He looked tired, and somehow still managed to be the most handsome boy I had seen that night, week, year.

“You ok?” He asked as the elevator opened its doors and we were met with a pristine corridor. The hotel, that mostly looked like a remodeled speakeasy bar, was spotless and modern, with high ceilings and trendy decoration.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

“Wanna skip tonight’s dinner?” He offered, waiting for me to open the door to the room.

“I’m sorry, yes, I’m not in the mood for people. Do you mind?”

“No, please, get some rest” he reassured me.

I hurried to turn the lights on as soon as we got in, revealing a luxurious room with black and white furniture and a huge window that looked over the Hudson River. There was a huge TV, and a couple of warm blue blankets over one of the couches, and a bar table with whiskey and champagne on it. A giant sliding door lead to a private rooftop, with chairs to take the sun.

“Harry…Could you stay with me? I don’t wanna be alone.”

[looselucy]

May

I was a blubbering wreck of a woman. There were actual tears streaming down my face. No, it was the worse than that. My face was entirely damp. If your body is 60% water, I was definitely budging that number up to at least 90. Possibly even 100% water. At first, Mikes mum had waited for him, a bag in each hand and a backpack on, but she must have gotten bored/exhausted, since I had been hugging him for about ten million years. “I’ll see you in two months, Pip!” He tried to comfort me. “But I’ll never live with you again.” “Pip.” Tally sighed from our side. “My mums waiting outside too, I really need to go!” “WHAT?” I whimpered. “TWO AT ONCE? NO. NO I CAN’T DO IT!”

Tally had been lugging things home for weeks. Whenever she went home at the weekend, she would take bits and bats. That meant she only had one bag and her suitcase; her stupid, stupid pink suitcase, which held a special place in my heart because when we had moved in, myself, Grace and Tally all had these ridiculous, bright pink suitcases which made us bond immediately. She joined in the hug, and I cried even more, trying to ignore the fact that I had also just spotted Ringo walk out of her room, her parents next to her, all lugging huge bags and making it even more apparent that this was over. Our first year at university, was over. I didn’t want to admit it, but all the bags and all the parents and the fucking pink suitcases were slapping the truth right in my face. Mikes phone started ringing from his pocket. He didn’t pull from the hug but he did manage to retrieve his phone, much to my dismay. “Pippa-Potamus, it’s my mum.” He sighed. I was practically wiping my tears on his t-shirt, not wanting to pull away from him, but he was pulling from me, because his mum was clearly getting annoyed, and Mike was better at goodbyes than I was. Jesus, everyone was better at goodbyes than I was. “Okay.” I tried to compose myself as we all distanced. “I’m okay. I’m fine. I mean, I’m not. I feel like shit. But I’m fine. This is fine. I’m fine.” “Anytime a girl says she’s fine, she’s lying.” Mike smirked. “That’s so true.” I giggled. “You can’t say I haven’t learned a lot whilst I’ve been here!” He kissed my head at the exact same time as Tally kissed my cheek, and all too soon they were walking down the corridor, officially moving out. “BYE!” I blubbered. “LOVE YOU, PIPPA!” Mike yelled. “I LOVE YOU TOO!” “GET HOME SAFE!” Tally yelled next. I couldn’t even structure a sentence as they left through the front door for the very last time, their keys left on the kitchen top, next to the kettle, as instructed. Six little keys lay next to the kettle. We had placed them there the night before, because when we let ourselves back in, we knew it would be for the last time. I looked around myself, glum and despondent. All the mugs and plates were gone, even the bloody table was gone, since Harry had folded it up and packed it in his car that morning. Everything looked as empty as I felt. Ringo’s parents were out the door, howling for her to catch up as she just stared at me, and the second I looked up and caught her eye, she dropped her bags and ran to me, wrapping her arms around me as tightly as she physically could, and I returned the favour. We stayed that way, for a little while, gently swaying back and forth. “Thank you for everything.” She mumbled. “You’ve really helped me. Thank you.” I gripped onto her tighter for the smallest moment before she pulled away, and I could see the tears in her eyes, but she held them in. “I’ll see you in September, okay?” I gulped. “Promise?” “I promise.” She squeezed my hand and then rushed off, struggling to pick up all of her things, but managing, giving me the sweetest smile over her shoulder before she was out the door. To say I had spent barely any time with her, and she had spent most of the year avoiding all of us, I was grateful to have lived with her. I stayed in the kitchen until I was done crying, wiping under my eyes a few times before I sulked down the corridor into Harry’s room, seeing a few more bags, everything else packed up and in his car, as he knelt on his bed, taking the Fleetwood Mac poster down off his wall and rolling it up expertly, turning around briefly to spot me. “Hey.” He smiled. “You look like you’ve been smoking weed for about ten hours.” “Huh?” He got of the bed, holding the poster in one hand as he neared me, pointing towards my face, grinning. “The red eyes.” He chuckled. “Please don’t.” I groaned. “I’ve been crying for ten hours, seriously.” He moved over to me, and took me into his arms, hugging me as tightly as he could without creasing the poster. I melted into his body, soaking up his heat, enjoying every inch of him and the way he felt against me. All I had thought about, for two weeks solid, was the way he had kissed me after I had taken that picture. He hadn’t looked at me that way since. He hadn’t kissed me, or touched me in any similar way. He had barely flirted with me. He hadn’t been acting off or anything, but things just hadn’t quite been the same. I figured he had seen it. He had spotted the way I oozed admiration for him. He had stopped the way things were going because he knew I had feelings, and he didn’t want to hurt them, because he felt absolutely nothing similar. He’d once told me, that all he ever ended up doing was hurting people’s feelings, even when he didn’t mean to. He’d seen it in me in the same way he had seen it in countless girls before. I pulled out of the hug, because whenever we were that close I caved in on myself, and my feelings just exploded onto my skin, making it so even when I tried my best to act natural, my skin and my posture and everything about me just completely gave me away. “You all packed?” He asked me. “Yeah. It’s all in your car. Here.” I passed him his keys. “Thank you, for offering a lift.” “It’s no worries.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t add too much onto my journey.” “It’ll be like, an hour if that traffics bad.” “Yeah, but, I don’t care.” He told me. I smiled down to the floor, heaving out another breath. I couldn’t stay in his room any longer, so I was grateful to hear a knock on the front door, because the only person left was Zayn, and that would have to be his mother. I really wanted to meet her. I cautiously walked out of Harry’s room, seeing Zayn was already there, hugging his mother tightly. We walked out quietly, a little scared to interrupt their moment, but as soon as she spotted us, it was like the interruption was welcome. “You must be Harry and Pippa!” She cried, exiting the hug and approaching us, fast. “I’ve heard so much about the two of you!” All of a sudden, she was dragging Harry so he was closer to us and pulling us both into a hug, squeezing us tightly. She had such a mum vibe about her. She was small, slightly rounded, short hair but still this gorgeous, warm, amazing woman. I had literally been in her company for a matter of seconds and I was besotted. Once the hug was over she grabbed at Harry’s cheek, pinching it between her fingers, and I could tell from the look in her eyes, that she was having one of those typical mum reactions, when they meet an attractive, young man. “Aren’t you handsome?” She confirmed my thoughts. “So I’ve been told.” He smirked. It was the least surprising thing, that Harry was the kind of boy who completely reacted to that kind of thing and flirted back, and the two of them were absolutely loving it. I figured Zayn’s mum was the only person Harry could flirt with, and I wouldn’t get jealous. “I bet you have.” She giggled. “Mum, can you not?” Zayn groaned from behind her. “Fine, fine.” She tutted. I think one of the main reasons she was acting that way with Harry, was simply to get a rise out of Zayn, and to wind him up. It was definitely working. Zayn was huffing behind her, the definition of a grumpy teenager. That was enough to fuel Harry, too. “He’s a fun-sponge.” He folded his arms. “We’d have more fun without him.” “Harry, man, I’m ten seconds away from knocking you out!” Zayn grilled. Harry gave him the middle finger, whilst Jenna, Zayn’s mother, moved to me next, one hand on my shoulder and the other on my cheek. Her and Zayn had the same feel to them. When they were close to you, you couldn’t help but feel comforted. They were inviting, friendly, calm and alluring. That was a really amazing gene to have running through any family. I smiled, not feeling any kind of discomfort even though her face was inches from mine. “Pippa.” She smiled, seeming very emotional. “My son raves about you.” “He does?” I cooed. “Told me the other weekend, when he came home, that he probably wouldn’t have survived this year without you.” “I can believe that.” I shrugged happily. She moved to sling her arm around my shoulder, so we were facing down the corridor, seeing Harry and Zayn stood in the exact same way across from us, smiling down the hall, and I could see the love in everyone’s eyes. We all stood quietly for a while, just letting it sink in. I looked at the boys across from me, so excited to live with two of the greatest people I had ever known next year, but still sad to be leaving this first chapter behind. My heart was beating fast as I looked at both of them, bursting because of how highly I thought of them. “If my sister was here,” Zayn sighed. “I’d literally be surrounded by the most important people in my life.” That was one of the sweetest things Zayn had ever said, and of course I was beaming in revelling it in, tears in my eyes once again. Harry probably felt the same, but boys often tend to be even worse than girls when it comes to dealing with their feelings, which is saying something. So Harry couldn’t just enjoy it, he had to take the mick. “And I’m surrounded by the most sentimental people in my life.” He flustered sarcastically. ”Shut up, man!” Zayn hit his stomach hard, and distanced. “So, shall we make a move?” “Yes!” His mother beamed. “We’ll grab your stuff.” She rubbed a few soft circles over my back before she went off into her son’s room, collecting his things. Zayn stayed with us, because he knew everything me and Harry had to pack, was already in his car. It was our time. “I just need to get my poster and stuff” Harry sighed, the humour in his voice now totally gone. My face was down to the floor as he went into his room, and the very second he was out of sight, Zayn killed the short distance between us, and wrapped me tight into his arms. Obviously, I burst out crying straight away. I couldn’t even think straight. It wasn’t processing, the fact that I would still be living with him next year, and for the two of us, not much would change. Not really. I was just thinking about where we were, the halls we were stood in, and the fact we would never be there again. Everything was going to change, and it was good, in ways, but awful in others. “Don’t get upset.” He shushed. “Okay.” I wept, unconvincing. “I’ll come see you, okay? I’ll come meet your mum.” “She’d like that.” I giggled and sniffled. “I’d like that too.” Harry came out of his room, and joined in on the hug straight away, squeezing the two of us tight. Then the very moment Zayn began to distance, the tears came down heavier. Harry was fine, obviously, but I could tell Zayn was getting upset too and I hated that. I hadn’t really seen him like that, and it just made me even sadder than I already was. I just wanted him to be happy forever with no sadness in his life at all because my sweet little munchkin deserved nothing but happiness. I had to speed this up, for his sake. “See you soon bro, alright?” Harry patted his back. “Obviously. The festival, if not sooner.” He replied I nodded, leaning in and giving him a quick peck on the cheek, before I scurried out of the front door without another word. I just needed to get out of there. I was a little concerned that I was close to hyperventilating. I tried not to think about the fact it was the last time I would walk out of that door. I didn’t want to think about anything. Harry only caught up once I was outside, having to jog a little to catch up with me as I headed over to the car-park, shaking, still crying. “Hey, Pip! Why’d you storm out of there?” He spoke breathlessly once he was by my side. “Can’t do it. Zayn was sad. I was sad. Why prolong that?” I was marching ahead of him, ignoring the way he was staring at me, just about keeping up, until he grabbed hold of my hand, intertwining his fingers in mine tightly, forcing me to come to a standstill, tugging me so my body almost crashed into his. “C’mere.” He mumbled. I had never had to put up with so many heart wrenching hugs in one day. Harry, for some reason, thought it was a good idea to add another one onto the long list. Idiot. It was cold outside as my nose pressed into his chest, one of his hands wrapped in my locks and the other on my lower back, trying to comfort me, and I guess it was working, slightly. I stopped blubbering after a while, and reached the stage where I could breathe normally, and tears were just gently rolling down my cheeks. I wasn’t even sure if being that close with him was actually just making it worse. “I’m fine.” I had to push him so he would further from me. “Can we go?” Before I could set off walking properly, he made sure to link our fingers again, because maybe I was wrong, maybe he actually enjoyed bloody torturing me. I didn’t fight it, though. It felt pretty natural, having my hand swallowed by his like that. He made sure to hold onto my skin tight as we trailed towards his car, and I hated the thought of him feeling my palms sweating, the way I was still shaking. Nothing was said as we walked over to where he was parked, my hand in his until we reached his little black car, where they slipped from each other, so Harry could wander round to the boot, just about able to jam in his final bag, alongside all mine and his own things, which wasn’t easy. It took a bit of rearranging, but after a while, he managed it, carefully balancing his rolled up poster on top of his things. We both got in the car, our building visible over a few trees, so I decided to look anywhere but, opting for my fingers which were laying on my lap, and absolutely covered in mascara. That didn’t make me feel any better. Harry began backing out, still looking completely unfazed by the fact we were leaving everything behind, as I pulled down the visor, horror in my eyes when I saw my face. I bloody knew I shouldn’t have worn mascara. “Bye, halls!” Harry waved at the building. “Love you!” “HARRY, YOU TIT!” I whelped. “What?” “Why didn’t you tell me I’ve got mascara all over my face?” “What?” “MY FACE IS LITERALLY PITCH BLACK!” I turned to him with my eyes wide, my hands held open just waiting for him to explain himself, but all he did was burst out in a deep chuckle, his crows feet coming out in full force, alongside the dimples. But I kept my face flat, no matter how hard, waiting for an answer. “I’m sorry.” He flustered. “I just thought if I told you, you would cry more!” “You’re the worst! I look horrendous!” I turned back to the mirror. “You never look horrendous.” He scoffed. My laughter died pretty quickly once he said that, and I noticed his did too. We were quiet as we pulled away from our university, and I couldn’t look at it in the same anymore, something had changed. But ignoring the sinking feeling, I was glad to be getting away from there, even for a short while. Away from lectures, and exams. Away from constant nights out and living in squalor, away from camp chairs and camp tables being used indoors. Away from Harry. Away from my feelings. I turned to look at him, because I had to make the most of the sight of him whilst I could, before I went back to reality. Because that’s how it felt. He didn’t even seem like a real person anymore. He was an image. A dream. A figment of my imagination and my impossible mind playing idiotic tricks on me. There had been a stage, where my heart had played tricks on me, thinking he could feel something remotely similar. But with each passing day, doubt conquered hope, and I lost sight of why I’d ever even felt that way. It’s horrible, how your own mind can fool you like that. Ignoring the way I felt, I tugged open the glove compartment, originally considering putting one of his many Fleetwood Mac CD’s on, but opting for something less sentimental. I then almost grabbed a Beatles CD, but then I thought of Ringo and that didn’t help me either. I settled on The Stranglers. Harry didn’t fight me on it, and so he shouldn’t, as the journey home began itself, the car completely weighed down by our collection of crap. A bloody table included. “No Fleetwood?” He poked out his bottom lip. “Nope. They’re shit.” “You tried to pull my leg with this very same shit last time, Pip-Squeak.” He shook his head. “You love Stevie and Lindsey. You’re a Fleetwood Mac fan. Deny it all you want.” “Fine. But I’m not in the mood for them today.” I leaned into the back of the car as much as I could, routing through a bag, which was thankfully close, and finding a pack of makeup wipes, my back aching by the time I had ripped one out of the seal. I turned back around and began wiping away all the makeup I had put on my face a few hours earlier, especially all the black crap that had crawled down my face. “You feeling any better?” He asked me, once my face was clear. “I guess.” I shrugged. “Just a bit overwhelmed.” “You okay about going home?” I didn’t know how to answer that, because of course I was. Like I said, it was a welcome escape. But the pressing issues that had kept me from going home all that time, still remained. I still hadn’t spoken with my dad. I even had to text Liam to ask for the address. I didn’t even know the bloody address of where my mum and my brother were living. The whole thing made me feel nauseous. I only had myself to blame, I knew that, but it didn’t make it any easier. “Um. Hmm. I’m... Yeah. I’m okay. It’s okay. It’s fine.” I attempted. “Convincing.” He huffed sarcastically. “Right?” I laughed at myself. “I think I could get into acting.” “Yes! Definitely.” He joined in. “That was truly spectacular.” “Do you think I can keep that up when I get home to persuade my mum I’m okay?” I was laughing coyly to myself, but after I’d said that, Harry’s face dropped, trying his best to keep his eyes on the road, but his head flipping back to me, to check over my face. “Are… Are you not okay?” He asked, seriously concerned. “No, I am. I just... I’ve never been good at facing my fears. I have a fear of goodbyes and a fear of my new family. I’m gunna tackle it all in one day. Get it all out of the way. That’s the way to do it, I think.” His face stayed pretty still for a while, before a smile cracked gracefully onto his lips, and he shook his head at me. “You still surprise me, y’know?” He grinned. “In a good way?” I squeaked. “Obviously.” He chuckled. “I dunno. You don’t give yourself enough credit. I don’t give you enough credit.” ”Credit for what?” I scowled. “Dunno.” He shrugged. “Just the way you are. You stay calm a lot. Deal with your own shit. I dunno, but it’s just nice to see. I like that about you. You’re a pretty calm person, y’know? Except when it comes to me.” My stomach was on the damn floor as I stared at him in disbelief, not quite able to comprehend what he had just said. I was panicking. All I could think was how he had definitely figured out how I felt for him, and even further than that, he had brought it up so freely, not caring about how much that would embarrass me and make me want to crawl out of that car and lie in the middle of the road just weeping, curled up in a ball and feeling sorry for myself. Of course I couldn’t stay calm with him. He was lovely and fascinating and infuriating and dangerously good with his hands. I stared at the unfazed fucker with wide eyes, baffled. “What?” I cried. “You get angry with me pretty easily.” He laughed. “Used to, anyway.” I had never been so happy to have read into something too much. It made me very aware that I wasn’t coping well, trying to escape my feelings, but bloody hell, I was so happy to have been wrong then. Obviously Harry was referring to how we had been when he first moved in with us, when I practically snapped at everything he said. I could tell he was a little thrown by my sigh of relief, but I couldn’t hold it in. “Ohhhhh.” I groaned. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s because you’re really annoying.” “I’m not the annoying one here. You are.” “I beg to differ.” I tutted. He stuck his tongue out at me, then his concentration went straight back to the road ahead of him. So I blew a raspberry and giggled to myself, a slight feeling of impending doom now we were on the motorway, but still grateful that Liam was home, and I didn’t have to go through it on my own. “I’m glad we’re past that, though.” He breathed. “Me too.” “Who d’ya think you would have lived with next year if me and you didn’t become bezzies?” “Me and Zayn would have fucked you off and lived together.” I smirked. “OI!” He complained. “That’s not very nice!” “Well you have to face the truth, Harold.” “I wish we’d never made friends. You’re mean.” I wasn’t sure what was worse, the headache I used to get when we argued, or the headache I got whenever I saw him now, and my eyes would burst into heart shapes. Neither was great. I had only had a short, blissful, few weeks in between where Harry was just... Harry. In my head, it literally felt like I’d gone from hating him and jumped to being infatuated with him in zero seconds flat. I didn’t even think that was possible. “You looking forward to getting home?” I asked him a while later. “Definitely.” He groaned. “I mean, I hate to admit it because I feel like my lad status will decrease, but I miss living with my dads.” “Your lad status?” I sneered. “Yeah!” He cried. “I’ve got a massive lad status.” “Oh really?” I giggled. “Is that because of all your laddy fights, and your drinking, and your undeniable charm?” “To name a few!” He grinned. Once again, I was shaking my head at Harry Styles, which was something I did often. I’d say it was up there with the amount I rolled my eyes at him. The car journey continued that way, all laughs and jokes and taking the mick out of each other, which was absolutely brilliant and wonderful at the same time as being totally heart-wrenching. Soon enough, I was directing Harry through my town, thankfully familiar with the road my mum and Liam were now living on, the sleepy town looking different with the sun beating down on it, as opposed to the December weather I had last seen blessing those streets. “I’m nervous.” I whispered under my breath. Harry moved a hand over to me, grabbing at my palm and giving me a tight, encouraging squeeze. My fingers gently toyed with his skin for the brief moment it was there. “You’ll be okay.” He told me. “I know.” “And, y’know if you’re ever struggling, I’m always here to talk to. Just call me, or text me, okay? I’m here for you.” That completely went against my whole avoiding him and making the most of our time apart, but it felt so good to have him offer that to me; to know he would be there with a level head whenever I felt like I needed someone to talk to. I was hoping things wouldn’t be that bad, but at least I knew, if they ever were, I would be able to talk to Harry. “Thanks.” I mumbled. “Anytime.” He told me firmly. Only a few minutes later, and we pulled up to my new family home. It was small, nestled between two other houses, but it looked nice enough. I knew my mum would get a nice place, since she could afford to, but it seemed a bit silly to rent somewhere too flamboyant, because it was just a temporary thing. We pulled up outside, and I looked up to the building in silence for a minute or two, taking it all in, before Harry opened his door, signalling it was time for me to man up, get out of the car, and get used to it. Harry checked the road was clear before he opened the back door, and began retrieving some of my things, so I did the same on my side, picking out everything that was mine from the mountain of shite in his car. A few bags had been chucked on the pavement before the door to the house opened, Liam stood with the most excited grin you have ever seen taking over his entire face. “LIAM!” I squealed. I basically jumped the short distance between the two of us, right into his arms as we shared a gigantic hug, swaying back and forth as he giggled excitedly into my hair, and it was so comforting that I automatically stopped worrying about being there. “You okay?” He asked as we pulled away. “Yeah, I’m great, yeah!” I said honestly. Because it was hard to remember how upset and nervous I had been all day, when my brother was there making me feel so welcome, clearly so happy to see me. Harry slammed the car door and jogged round to our side. “Liam, man.” He greeted as they slapped their hands together, then gripped on tight. “You good?” “Yeah I’m great, bro. Good to see you!” He replied. “Thanks for giving her a lift.” “Don’t mention it.” He smiled. “I thought you were working?” I questioned. “I booked it off. Thought you might need some help unpacking.” “We do.” Harry huffed. “Your sisters got a lot of shit, for one tiny person.” “I’m not tiny!” I cried. “True mate.” Liam tutted. “She keeps hold of the most pointless crap.” The two of them bounded over to the car, chatting and laughing about me as I stood on the pavement with my arms folded, feeling pretty ganged up against, but kind of liking it. I had gotten used to that kind of thing over the years. Besides, I liked Liam and Harry getting on. Just as I was about to start helping, I felt the presence of a tiny being behind me, turning around to see my beautiful beagle having ran out of the front door, automatically jumping up to me. “OH MY GODDDD!” I wept. “Timmy-Two, my angel. My sweet, beautiful, gorgeous angel! I’ve missed you!” Just as I was about to bend down and hug the life out of my dog, he darted from me, straight over to Harry, who got down to his level right away, accepting the atrocious licks to the face that Timmy-Two was giving him. “HEEEEEY!” There was so much joy in his voice, his eyes shut, as he was attacked in the most wonderful way possibly. “We finally meet!” If there was one thing that was going to top my brother loving Harry, it would be my dog, and he definitely seemed like a fan. He was my bloody dog! I hadn’t seen the bugger since January, but right away he ran over to Harry, this stranger, completely enchanted by him. I couldn’t believe that Harry was alluring even to animals. “Nice to see you too, Timmy-Two.” I groaned. “I’m irresistible to animals. And usually girls, too.” He smirked. “Same, bro.” Liam agreed through a laugh. “You both make me sick.” I huffed. “Okay, c’mon now, Timmy-Two. Back inside.” It didn’t take anything more than that, he darted from Harry and back indoors, like he was told, which made me very smug as I swayed past Harry and began unloading the vehicle, the two of them helping me along the way as we moved my mountains of crap from his car, into the house. It was weird, the first time I walked through the door. It was more overwhelming, and upsetting, than I thought it was going to be. We walked straight into the living room, which was pretty big. But it was just so abnormal seeing so many things from the home I had grown up in, inhabiting this unfamiliar building. There was a lump in my throat as I looked around the four walls. I hated it. I hated the fact that a damn painting had been there before I had. That inanimate objects from my childhood had been more of a comfort to my mother than I had been. The lump in my throat got worse and worse with every trip from the car to the house, Harry and Liam droning on about something or other, but I could barely hear them over the dense noise my shame was creating. It took around five minutes, but then we were done, and I flopped onto the sofa straight away, Harry dropping down beside me as Liam collapsed onto the other. That was a hard days work, as far as we were concerned. Harry let out a big sigh before speaking. “So I have a question?” “Shoot.” I spurred. “Do you always call him by his full name?” “What? Who? Liam?” “No!” He laughed. “Timmy-Two. Do you never just call him Timmy? Or-” “No. Timmy was our first dog.” I told him. “Okay then. Well… maybe, TT? Or Tim-Two, or- OH MY GOD! You should totally call your dog Timbuk-Two! That’s the best name ever!” The pride in his face for thinking up yet another ridiculous nickname, was the most joyful thing I had ever seen. The fact that Liam burst out laughing helped it along very nicely. It must have been some weird talent he had, thinking up nicknames like that. “That’s actually longer than Timmy-Two.” I chuckled. “Isn’t the whole point of a nickname for it to be shorter?” “The rule doesn’t apply if the nickname is funnier than the original, and Timbuk-Two is funny. See! Look at Liam!” He was still laughing like an idiot, even though it definitely wasn’t that funny. I put it down to the fact he had been traveling and hiking for so long. Human company, and British humour especially, was a rare treat for him. One he had missed. “Liam laughs at anything.” I told him. “You’re just jealous that I’m the funny one in our friendship. And the charming one, and the gorgeous one.” He shrugged happily. “Okay then, which one am I?” I asked. “You’re the grumpy one.” “Fucking hell, man!” Liam chirped. “Harry, you are funny.” I was trying to give Liam death stares for boosting Harry’s ego even more, but he was too busy having crinkly eyes and clutching his stomach. I couldn’t help but second what Zayn had said a little earlier in the day, because I felt lucky to have spent such a sad day, with literally every person who meant the most to me, my mum soon to be added to the list. “If we were the seven dwarfs,” Harry continued. “I would be Happy, Bashful, Sleepy, and Sneezy. You would be Grumpy and Dopey. Liam would be Doc.” Liam was done in. He gave Harry a round of applause, seeming to agree with that analogy wholeheartedly. Harry pinched at my cheek whilst laughing at me, so I quickly swatted his hand away, trying my very best not to even crack a smile, but it was difficult. “Are you not leaving?” I groaned. “Yes, alas, my time has come.” He slapped his legs and then bounced to his feet. “I bid you farewell. Liam, man, I appreciate you laughing at my jokes, at least someone here realises how funny I am. However, you, Pip-Squeak, have never appreciated me, and I’m sick of it. So goodbye.” He dramatically flounced out of the front door without another word, pretending to weep as he went. Timmy-Two began barking at his absence right away, and without even really thinking what I was doing, I had darted out of the front door, to say goodbye to him properly. He was waiting for me to do just that. As soon as I was on the pavement, he wrapped me tight into his arms, the wind that raced down the street dancing with my hair until he tucked it under his arms, and swayed me slightly, so the two of us were closer to dancing than my hair was. I decided, for once, to be honest with him. Not as honest as my heart was begging me to be, but as honest as I dared. “I’m gunna miss you.” I told him. “Mm. I’m gunna miss you too.” He spoke lowly. “You better text me.” “I will when I find the time.” I joked. “Ha ha. Very funny.” He said, pulling away. “I’ll see you at the festival though, alright?” “Yeah, I’ll see you there.” He was hesitant, definitely; but with a little credence, he moved his lips to my forehead, pressing a lingering, flinty kiss against my skin, fingers wrapping in my hair. I appreciated the kiss, that goes without saying, but it wasn’t exactly on the part of my face I had been wishing for. “Stay safe, alright?” He told me, edging away and moving to the correct side of his car. “I’ll try.” “See you soon.” His smile tucked into his mouth. I just nodded, and once he was in his car and the engine started, I gave him a little wave, the lump in my throat returning as he began pulling away from the curb, but I was almost sure that this time, the lump was my heart, jamming up into my throat and making it near impossible for me to breathe. I watched as he began driving off down to the road, and for the first time it didn’t feel like such a good idea to distance from him, to be away from him. I just wanted to be closer to him. I could still see his car, and he was too far away for my liking. I hadn’t really been out of his company for months. I was used to there just being a wall between us, not miles. I dropped my head, hoping and praying that the distance would make me sane again, when I heard car tires screeching. My head bolted up, thinking the worst, but Harry had just pulled up again, way down the road, tearing up onto the pavement. He got out of the car quickly, slamming his door shut and then storming up the road. He looked angry, or frustrated, or something along those lines. I stayed stood perfectly still as he marched towards me, his long legs making the distance almost irrelevant. He was back with me in seconds. “Did I forget something or-” Harry cut my words short by grabbing my face and pushing his lips against mine, grunting against my shocked mouth automatically as his fingers clawed at the side of my face, his body pressing closer against mine, his mouth widening, inviting my tongue to play with his. That was what I had wanted. That was what I had wished happened when he kissed my forehead. But it was different, somehow. This kiss didn’t seem rushed, or driven by heat. It was passionate, and there was a sense of longing that lingered between his plump lips and mine. That kiss differed from every single kiss we’d shared previously, and I found myself falling even further down the spiral. But it was brief. Much briefer than I craved. He distanced from me once again, his hands staying glued to my cheeks for as long as he could physically manage as he walked away from me again, skin unhinging from skin once the distance was too great, and he walked back down the road to his car without another word. I watched him again. I saw the way his hand ran through his hair, the way he rolled his shoulders, and I hated the fact that even after discussing body language in numerous lectures, I still couldn’t figure out what that meant. He climbed into his car again, and set off home. His second attempt was successful.

[borderlandpersonality]

Killjoys in my system tag urself meme

Kobra Child 🐍: - laughs uncontrollably when nervous - “i gotta ask my mom” - the i love my friends and family man - Highkey Bi, Lowkey Gay - literally a student athlete meme when talking -talks too fast - blue and red slushees run through veins - makes slurping noises when frustrated - cries lots - PUTS E V E R Y T H I N G IN HIS MOUTH INCLUDING CRAYONS AND SAND - Chews Ice or gum every hour of every day he’ll never stop - May sound cute but probably has a gun on him - “” I WONT HESITATE BITCH"“ - Is actually super hardcore and sad but covers it up with a happy, excited facade - Would die for all of his friends - DOGGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Cries over animals - ”“Im a tough boy!!” - Stims and will not stop for anyone - Laughs at his trauma

P-🅱oison: - Ow the edge - where do you get all the haiRDYE - Highkey gay, lowkey dysphoric all the time - Where did you even come from? - Lowkey daddy issues - “"I dont like sand….”“ - Only wants things he cant have - ” FRICK U" - Doesnt pass as human - Ice chewer but only Sonic™ or Chick-Fil-A™ Ice - ""sof!"" - Tired - the leader - NEEDS TO BE IN CONTROL - “U cant tell me what to do!” - Cant remember his natural hair colour - R E D™ - Loves his brother a whole lot - Low key stimming all the time - has a gun on him for the aesthetic - leather by day, bunny pajamas by night - Disassociating

Gh🅾ul👻: - Highkey gay - Doesnt know whats going on 98% of the time - probably disassociating - Dead inside probably - Doesnt know how to show emotion - probably smoking a candy cigarette - i will hesitate bitch - who invited you - Scared - Will die if insulted - Can handle a little too much pain - Pale and doesnt remember what happened an hour ago