#SO OF COURSE IN THEIR DEEPER QUEST TO LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEMSELVES THEY FIND THEMSELVES GETTING MORE INVOLVED IN THIS WAR

[angellayercake]

WIP Whenever

Instead of working on everything else I should be working on I have become obsessed with this idea and I can't think of anything else. So far too long ago @sweatandwoe tagged me in a WIP post so here we go.

Papa Nihil travels the USA with his three sons posing as a preacher to ingratiate themselves with rural Christian communities to sew discord and spread sin. One summer finds them staying with a family, helping them work their struggling farm in exchange for somewhere to stay.

I'm tagging @ghostchems, @ramblingoak, @da-rulah and @meowsaidmissy if you have any wips you would like to share (no pressure of course 💜 Little taster below the read more and the playlist can be found here because I really am in a hole with this fic 🙃

The clink of ice cubes and the gravel crushing under your feet would have given you away long before you had rounded the side of the barn if not for their argument. Well you suspect they are arguing, you can never be certain due to them always speaking Italian to each other. It was hard to tell what kind of conversation they were having most times, what with their loud voices and waving hands no matter what was going on. You pause just out of sight watching the glasses of lemonade your Mother had forced you to bring out to them as they worked in the afternoon heat begin to sweat. The condensation slid down the glass shallow pools collecting at the bases on the precariously balanced tray as you listened.  

‘In ogni caso, perché ti preoccupi dei sentimenti di tutte queste stupide ragazze?’ (Anyway, why do you care about the feelings of all these stupid girls?) The words while foreign sounded dismissive and rude as though this heated discussion was already well underway before your arrival. That was Mr Emeritus you were sure, he often took that tone when he was talking to his sons. 

‘Non chiamarli così!’ (Don't call them that!) Terzo. You push aside any thoughts about why you recognise his voice so easily. He sounds irritated, his voice clipped and angry even in his more melodic mother tongue. Interest now truly piqued, you wish not for the first time that you were more cultured, more intelligent so you could have learned another language and be able to follow the conversation. 

‘Prima la scoperai, prima potremo uscire da questa discarica.’ (The sooner you fuck her, the sooner we can get out of this dump.) The sneer in his voice is so obvious it almost makes you cringe like you are on the one on the receiving end but he is almost cut off by the intended recipient, if the scuffling sound you hear is Terzo lunging at his father as you suspect. 

‘Fermare! Smettetela tutti e due. Corrompere la gioventù cristiana non significa che dobbiamo lasciare dietro di noi una scia di cuori spezzati. Il suo modo funziona, devi fidarti di lui.’ (Stop! Stop it, both of you. Corrupting Christian youth does not mean we must leave a trail of broken hearts in our wake. His way works, you have to trust him.) While spoken loud enough to cut through the fight that was clearly about to break out, the even placating tone must belong to Primo, ever the mediator of the family you had noticed.

‘Non sono più gli anni Sessanta, vecchio mio. Ci vuole qualcosa di più che sussurrare sull'amore libero per aprire loro le gambe.’ (It's not the sixties anymore, old man. It takes more than whispering about free love to open their legs.) And that must be Secondo, his deeper voice was tinged with a droll note which could be directed at any one of his father or brothers, maybe even all three. You liked him the best so far even if his sardonic humour had almost gotten you in trouble already.

‘Ah, parli della troia e lei appare.’ (Ah, you talk about the bitch and she appears.) You round the corner just as your arms start to urgently complain about you standing there with your laden tray and just in time to witness the last of their cross words.

‘Vaffanculo!’ (Fuck you!) He spits at his father, stabbing his pitch fork into the soft dirt as if he is about to storm off but he stops short when he spots you. His expression is pinched, his brow furrowed enough for lines of frustration to form. He pushes his hair back from his face, smoothing it back into place as he schools his expression into a casual smile. He is good, probably the best you have seen squashing all his true feelings behind a mask but you can see the tension still in the corner of his eyes and the tightness of his smile. It isn’t your business though so you plaster a smile on your own face and announce the reason for your interruption.

 ‘Refreshments for the workers!’ You offer the tray to Mr Emeritus first, your Mother’s hosting rules so deeply ingrained now you wouldn’t dare to do otherwise. He takes a glass from you looking at the drink then you with an air of distaste that makes your skin prickle uncomfortably. ‘It’s lemonade sir, that Mama made fresh this morning.’ He takes a cautious sip before gesturing you away. 

‘Thanks to you and to your Mother, Signorina,’ Primo says, accepting his glass. Secondo takes his with a nod and pull of his lips that could be mistaken for a smile which you return in kind. Which leaves only the youngest Emeritus. He is watching you having settled into his casually relaxed demeanour leaning against his still stuck pitch fork. Something makes you pause until he gestures you towards him. 

‘I take it this one is for me, si?’ Your mouth inexplicably goes dry as you make your way towards him. Now your job is almost complete, you have the opportunity to take him in properly. A stubborn lock of his hair, despite his best efforts has fallen loose sticking to the sheen of sweat covering his brow, in fact his youthful face positively glows with perspiration so you hurry the last few steps towards him, needing to provide him with a means to ease his heat inspired discomfort. You avoid his eyes as he takes his glass, relieving you of your burden at last and you tuck the underside of the tray against your chest in a futile attempt to shield yourself from his piercing gaze. 

He barely hesitates bringing the glass to his full lips, tipping his head back, greedily drinking the cool refreshment. He finishes it quickly with a satisfied sigh and he hands the glass back to you, his fingers grazing yours as he makes the exchange. A drop escapes the corner of his mouth slipping off his chin before he can catch it. You can’t help but follow its progress down his neck and into his open shirt collar where it settles where his chest hair begins. For some reason you find yourself transfixed as the vivid image of you closing the distance between you and following its path with your mouth fills your mind. 

‘Thank you Canaria.’ His voice abruptly snaps you out of your trance with a gasp and you can feel your blood rushing into your cheeks as you register the impropriety of your thoughts. You realise all four of them are now watching you and you pray that they hadn’t noticed your momentary distraction. They had all finished their lemonade so you shakily collect their glasses worried that the tray will slip from your grip at any moment. With a final weak smile you make your escape. 

 ‘Ci vorrà una settimana prima che tu possa indossare le sue mutande.’ (It'll be a week before you're in her underwear.) You hear Mr Emeritus mutter as you leave but you don’t wait to hear anymore. You need to get a hold of yourself and to do that you need to be as far away from him as possible.  

[theoutsiderview]

Ooooh, I have so many ideas. I love these guys.

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Thorin has to learn how to Hobbit Court

I am an absolute sucker for Hobbit/Dwarf cultural differences, so this is a favourite troupe of mine.

What I'm seeing is Bilbo, courting Thorin but only in dwarvish fashion, getting fed up with the lack of appreciation for his hobbitish side. Maybe the company makes fun of his love for gardening, maybe his feet get trodden on, maybe all this living under stone without another hobbit this side of the misty mountains has finally frayed his nerves. Hhe lashes out, fights with thorin (+ company?) and stays mad until this dwarf can figure out how to court his soon-to-be in accordance with hobbitish tradition.

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2. Bilbo has a hobbit language!

Thinking about this logically, if the elves can have 3 languages, the dwarves 1 with dialects and every other species their own, it seems silly to miss out hobbits.

In this fic, Bilbo lets it slip that he speaks another language besides Westron and the company (or just Thorin?) get extremely worked up about this. After all, it's dwarrow who are supposed to be the super-secret language ones and here is this hobbit speaking something completely unrecorded! Thorin, being Thorin of course, could get worked up that Bilbo can speak something he can't understand, mayhap Bilbo is also talking with Gandalf in 'secret'.

Or, to amp it up, Bilbo is brought along on the quest without speaking another at all! Thorin is frustrated at this foolish, obviously incompetent grocer who has very pretty hair (who said that?) who can't speak a lick of Westron. Thorin + Bilbo tensions are only further exacerbated by the language divide. Can Bilbo prove himself a capable hobbit in the eyes of the Dwarven king?

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3. Modern AU with ESL Thorin

Did I mention I liked cultural differences? Well here's more, Modern AU edition!

Bilbo as a landlord, librarian, baker, author etc. meets a drop-dead gorgeous mountain of a man and helps his navigate some English quirks and odd social customs (why on earth does everyone have their hair short?? What do you mean I have to take off my boots? etc.)

Thorin in turn shares some of his culture and educates Bilbo on the customs, foods, etc. of his home country, Erebor. They bond, they learn, and in the end find romance. + Thorin has a thick accent and/or is currently learning English.

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4. Bilbo and Thorin in a confined space

There's been a cave in! Suprise, suprise, these two idiots have been stuck together.

After ages of tip-toeing around the fact they are both head-over-heels for each other, Bilbo and Thorin are forced to confront their feelings during a cave-in in one of Erebor's recently renovated mines. This could also be during quest, trapped in a Mirkwood cell, bedridden together in a room post-BOFTA, maybe Thorin + Bilbo have gotten lost on a trip towards Buckland. Either or, it's generally a fun trope to get these emotionally struggling losers to confront their growing feelings while adding tension.

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5. The Deal-Breaker

Thorin or Bilbo arrive to the Shire/Erebor as part of a political delegation to organise a trade route between the two prosperous lands. I envision an enemies to lovers, maybe Thorin/Bilbo are a little negligent of cultural customs or are down-right rude, (what do you mean? I'm only protecting the interests of my people etc. etc.)

Over the course of the visit they grow close, realising they may not be as different as they thought, and well, this person really is quite charming.... After trying to get under each others skin, they find themselves falling deeper in love with this foreign visitor and manage to find middle ground in their disagreements. During a festival perhaps? Or in a garden watching a meteor shower? During a gala?

In the end, they say a tearful goodbye, maybe post-confession, maybe there's a ponyback chase to whisk the other back to the kingdom. Or maybe the love leaves, only to return on the new trade route they established with all their belongings with them!

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Anyway, that's just a few I've been cooking up under the hood, happy writing!

Want to get into the Bagginshield fanfiction writing game so pleaaase send any prompts whatsoever to my inbox or via dm or in response to this post, i beg of you!! Thanks guys xx

(also SamFro if you like)

won't write smut but fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, whatever comes into your mind - oneshots, longer fics, i am open for suggestions/requests

[dimdiamond]

Bagginshield fic list

Yeah, I decided to make one too because there are enough to cause me headaches and I'd like to have them somewhere organized. Please look at the tags before reading them!

Fix-it fics

Desperate magic by BeautifulFiction: Bilbo is left to tend Thorin as he hovers on the brink of death after the Battle of the Five Armies. Is love enough to save Erebor's king, or is this the last farewell?

Lay your troubles down by Avelera: An extended version of "the acorn scene." Bilbo sees his chance to snap Thorin out of his madness, and takes it.

The Riven Crown by BeautifulFiction: The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honoured, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place. Then there is the matter of the gold... Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin?

The Color of Possibility by lindoreda: When Bilbo puts himself between Thorin and Azog's blade, his mithril shirt protecting them both, it isn't long before some dwarves whisper that 'Oakenshield' might not be the best epithet for their king anymore. But for Bilbo, barred from Thorin's sight since the battle, this new epithet only adds to the sting. Spending his days caring for the recovering princes, Bilbo wonders how much more of this he can take, not suspecting his place at the center of a silent divide in the company.

Homesick by Margo_Kim: Five years after they've reclaimed Erebor, Thorin is sick of home, Bilbo is just sick, and neither is handling the situation ideally.

The Road Delivered Us Home by keelywolfe: In the years since Bilbo left Erebor, he has lost his respectability, gained a nephew, and gotten on with life at Bag End. He'd left aside adventure for the comforts and peace of his little Hobbit hole, and for the love of a child who needed him. Though perhaps, adventures can yet find him.

Notices in the Paper by YamBits: Bilbo returns to the Shire after his adventure, newly married, and newly homeless, after his two year absence allowed the Sackville-Bagginses to obtain Bag End. Bilbo and Thorin go to the Tooks for help, and find newly orphaned Frodo Baggins, also looking for a home.

A Royal Guardianship by ladyoakenshields: When Bilbo and Thorin return to the Shire for a sabbatical during Yuletide, they find a reason to retire the throne in Erebor sooner than expected.

The Shire's gems by awkwarng3: Thorin, Bilbo, and Frodo move to the Shire after raising Frodo in Erebor, and Frodo makes a friend.

Time travel fix-it fics

An expected journey by MarieJacquelyn: For years Bilbo has written about his adventures and told stories about his dealings with dwarves and dragons. To most it seemed like fanciful nonsense but to Bilbo it was all very real. A weight followed him home from his travels, one called regret. Now in his final moments Bilbo has a choice to make – go quietly into death’s embrace or go back again and face all the fear and pain for the chance to make things right? Of course, change is a fickle thing and not everything can be done again as Bilbo is about to find out. In the end, it may not only be salvation that he’s fighting for.

Bilbo Baggins, warrior of the Valar by Pallalalo: Bilbo raised his eyebrows. “And you’ve come to the Shire to look for this someone? My, Gandalf, I wonder if you know Hobbits at all. They would tell you that adventures are nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. That they would make you late for dinner.” Bilbo recalled his own words perfectly. It had been something he and Gandalf had looked back on with bittersweet laughter. This Gandalf however noticed his exact words. “Would they now? And what about you, mhm? What would you tell me about adventures?” #The Valar send Bilbo back in time, to the day where Gandalf asks him to join in an adventure. After living a lifetime of regret and suffering, he vows to change things for the better. For Thorin. For Frodo. But will he succeed?

I'll die to care for you by thehufflepuffhobbit: His gaze landed on Mahal's eyes once more. "You did your best, Thorin." It was tempting to look away; he wanted to deny that with everything he had. It certainly didn't feel as though falling into Gold Sickness and then dying was doing his best. Mahal smirked, as though he knew Thorin's desire to contradict him, and pinched his cheek before walking over to a table. "Aye, I didn't think you would believe me. I'm not lying, it certainly could have gone better. More according to my plan, but I know you really did try." "Your plan?" He didn't know if he should ask, really. Knowing that his Maker had set a course for him, he didn't want to think about the ways he had done everything wrong. There were too many examples of mistakes in his long life, too many opportunities that he had missed that had probably been planned for him from the beginning. Or:Mahal feels like Thorin fucked up his legacy and gives him a do over.

Darker times ahead by Reach4theSky: Bilbo is sailing to the Undying Lands but wary of letting go of the guilt that has been with him for many decade. His most sincerest wish is to go back and change what was done. Before reaching the lands of peace and healing, he dies aboard the ship and finds that his wish is being granted, not because he is the one to wish it but because this is the dwarves last chance to escape a fate of eternal waiting. He finds that not only is he going to be sent back to his younger body, but so is the entire Company of Thorin Oakenshield. Time is a fickle thing and not all the members have their memories returned to them at the same time. The journey on becomes interesting as the dwarves slowly remember and fight for themselves and their kin, yet new hurdles are thrown at them when they realize that more people remember than expected...

Of an arcane binding by Salvia_G: An inexplicable magic ties Bilbo Baggins, hobbit of the Shire, to Thorin, dwarven prince of Erebor.

Legends by DomesticGoddess: The fellowship has set out on its noble quest to destroy the ring and put an end to the threat that is Sauron! Just set out really, barely left the gates of Imladris, but things are going smoothly enough so far. That is until the two most unlikely party crashers fall upon their little fellowship. Uncle Bilbo and the Legendary Thorin Oakenshield?! Frodo just wants to know what's going on but the two of them won't stop hollering at each other long enough for anyone to get a word in edgewise. Suddenly, their little group is joined by Frodo's two biggest heroes and he discovers there was a lot more to Uncle Bilbo's stories than he realized.

Beside myself by bliboboggins: "What are you doing? Just who do you think you are?" Startled, Bilbo turned around slowly. And there, in a familiar patchwork dressing gown, brandishing a fire poker wildly about, was... Bilbo.

Erebor never fell au fics

The hearth doesn't make the home by Moonrose91: For things Bilbo could not change, he was condemned to a life of isolation, with the belief that none could love him. And then a Dwarf came to Hobbiton.

Clarity of vision by Mithen: In a Middle-Earth where Erebor never fell, a shadow remains in the heart of the Lonely Mountain. Bilbo Baggins finds himself drawn reluctantly into a quest that will lead him across the continent--from Bree to Lake Evendim to the icy North and beyond--with a party of five dwarves searching for an artifact that will cure the ailing King Thrór.

Ghivashel by mdseiran: The last thing Bilbo expects when he stays up late one night is company. The strange dwarf and his companion crash into his life and prove unexpected saviours. But the dwarf seems to think he will be joining them on their travels, and Bilbo has no such intentions.

The Song of My Heart by DomesticGoddess: After a failed attempt of trying to carve out a new home in the Blue Mountains for his people, Thorin finds himself beseeching the Hobbit Thain and his council for a place for his people in their bountiful land. An agreement is struck and plans in the works for integrating his people into their land. The only condition being an arranged marriage between himself and one of their family heads. A small price to pay to see his people safe and well fed. Unfortunately, he’s to marry the most disagreeable hobbit in all the Shire who also seems to hold a personal grudge against him. If only he could figure out why his new betrothed hates him so much.

Oak and Mistletoe by HildyJ: After a life dominated by a strange form of sickness, Thorin is sent to the Shire to seek a cure only Bilbo Baggins can offer.

Karkûn shukula - A Cinderella AU by harrypanther: When the Prince of the Shire visits the Kingdom of Erebor, there is great excitement. There are hopes he will choose to marry one of the Royal Family, cementing an alliance that would secure food supplies for the dwarven Kingdom and gain new allies. All eligible dwarves are expected to attend a series of Balls. Unknown to the guests, there is a third royal child, manoeuvred out by his ambitious stepmother, for whom this may be his last chance of restoring his fortunes and escaping his fate…

Alone this Yuletide by Emsiecat: 'Alone this Yuletide? Irritated with prying and nosey family members? I am an out of work blacksmith currently trying to make my way by any means necessary that does not involve my resorting to thievery (prisons are most uncomfortable, I've unfortunate first hand experience). However, if you would like me to be your strictly platonic companion for any social function, but have me pretend that we are in a serious courtship, so as to torment your family and ward off unwanted suitors then I am more than obliging...' After becoming increasingly irritated by overtures of romance from various Shire residents following the death of his mother four years ago, Bilbo is more than ready to resort to desperate measures. That is, up to and including pretending to be in a serious relationship with a certain surly blacksmith currently inhabiting the Bindbale Woods. It's a good idea after all; all they have to do is pretend to be in love over the Yuletide period and Bilbo's family and suitors will surely leave him alone after that. It's perfect! And nothing can possibly go wrong, right? Certainly nothing as preposterous as falling for one another for real...

Modern au fics

Nothing gold can stay by perkynurples: Bilbo Baggins led a rather peaceful life, thank you very much, until an old acquaintance decided to turn it upside down, and he found himself agreeing to take a job that’s… let’s say not exactly up his alley, and might eventually cost him a little more than his treasured cozy lifestyle. Who would have thought tutoring a slightly menacing monarch’s more than slightly overbearing nephew could prove to be such an adventure?

Love-In-Idleness by perkynurples: Taking Bilbo Baggins, a successful movie actor who is only just getting used to the perks and intricacies of becoming A Face People Want To See, and putting him together with Thorin Oakenshield, with his very traditional (read: slightly backwards) ideas about what constitutes Real Art and Real Talent, might very well be viewed as just some clothead’s idea of a joke. But there are jokes, and then there are carefully calculated risks the size of controversial reproductions of classic Shakespearean plays - for Bilbo, it is the chance of a lifetime to prove himself to all those who have ever deemed him too one-dimensional to even attempt stage, while Thorin has the opportunity to get out of the rut that’s been hindering his career for so long now, and shine in a role worthy of his talent once again. That is if the two learn how to share the same space for more than ten minutes without wanting to tear each other’s hair out. The course of true love never did run smooth, after all…

Candid by northerntrash: Thorin wasn't entirely sure why there was a six-foot candid photograph of him hanging in this exhibition, but he was going to wring the neck of whoever had put it there. In which Bilbo is a photographer, Thorin an accidental model, and Gandalf just likes to make trouble for everyone.

How the west was won and where it got us by stickman: Bilbo is a harried 1st year British literature Ph.D. (early 20th century fiction) who happens to have an interest in spatial narrative structures, a lack of time-management skills, and a tiny apartment with a lot of books and very little furniture. He’s stressed, always, and doesn't quite know where he belongs. He tells himself that really, this is, in fact, what he wants to be doing. But sometimes, as much as he loves books, he gets an urge to do something with his hands. Thorin is a disgruntled M.Arch. 1 in his last year who can’t be arsed to shave and frightens his students, and, frankly, his profs, but his work is top-notch so no one can really say much. They can, however, bully him into running a hands-on design workshop on Saturday mornings, which is complete crap, because he’s used to drinking his Friday nights into oblivion so showing up at Milstein at 7:45 the next morning and trying to teach in a room of wall-to-wall windows as the sun rises is not at the top of his list. Besides, no one ever shows up. Except one morning, someone does. [graduate school AU]

Butterfly effect by eyra: Yoga wasn’t for him. Yoga was for interesting people. Luminous people; people who took gap years and spoke a foreign language. People who ate lentils and burned incense and had fantastic, colourful friends with fantastic, colourful lives full of travel and silent retreats and those baggy trousers with elephants on them. Yoga was decidedly not for people like Bilbo, who wore cardigans and ate beans on toast and whose linguistic capabilities stretched only as far as a rusty Spanish A-Level. Just your regular story of boy meets yoga instructor.

Remover of the obstacles by MistakenMagic: "Dis often chided her older brother for being a misanthropist. She did it so often it had become a term of endearment. It was true that Thorin struggled with people; he struggled to form and maintain relationships. Dr. Grey had diagnosed him with this and Thorin hadn’t the heart to tell him this wasn’t a symptom of his PTSD, it was a symptom of his personality. He exercised a sense of apathy with almost everyone he met… But Bilbo was different. Thorin actually found himself wanting to know more about him."

Color outside the lines by andquitefrankly: Kindergarten has just gotten significantly better. Just ask Thorin, who's got the biggest crush on the new kid in class, Bilbo Baggins. With the help of his friends, Thorin knows that he can take back the swings from the 1st graders, show up the K-1 class in the school pageant, and win the heart of one curly haired boy. Yup. Kindergarten is going to be a year to remember.

Bran' New Suit by pibroch (littleblackdog): Andrew's description had been sufficient to recognize him— a riot of honey brown curls, short in stature, a well-favoured face with expressive features— but it hadn't quite been enough to prepare Tom for the sharp, almost painful tug in his gut at the sight of the man. They had never met before, to the best of Tom's recollection, but there was something eerily and inexplicably familiar about him all the same.

Different species au fics

I've grown a hedge around my heart by pibroch (littleblackdog): "Thorin was the essence of so many Buckland oddities, distilled into one misfortunate young hobbit, much to his infinite embarrassment. Built like a stork, his father had said once, in an example of Thrain Brandybuck’s usual tactless humour. All beak and legs." Thorin Brandybuck, just recently come of age, still lives in his family’s smial in Buckland, with his parents and two younger siblings. Thorin is an odd duck amongst his relations and neighbours-- unsociable, grumpy, shy, and awkward. And beyond that, he looks rather strange even for a Bucklander, strongly favouring the thick, dark haired build of his Stoorish blood. It defies all sense and reason why Bilbo Baggins, an exemplar of all the respectable traits Thorin lacked, would ever desire a friendship with him. Bilbo, as Thorin discovers, is not always as sensible as he appears.

In which the dwarves are satyrs for reasons by HiddenKitty What the title says basically.

Bride of the demon king by DomesticGoddess: Thorin is King of the demons, a beast-like race feared by humans. Ever since the demons and humans formed a truce years ago, the humans have sent a young human every year as a tribute to the King of demons. Thorin is tired of having to deal with the tribute that has long since lost its meaning. The only tribute he'd be interested in is the boy he met fifteen years ago on the border of the demon and human realms. Despite his fantasies, Thorin knows the chances of ever seeing the boy again are slim to none, until they're not.

Lost He Wandered Under Leaves by serenbach: Thorin son of Thrain is a struggling blacksmith descended from a fallen line of kings. In an attempt to provide for his family over the winter, he reluctantly accepts an impossible sounding task - to hunt down an enchanted deer that lives in the Old Forest that borders the Shire, and make armour and weapons from its hide and antlers. He never expected to succeed. And he certainly never expected what he found to change his life so completely.

A Dryad's Tale by Bilbo Baggins by Moongazer12: Bilbo is a dryad (think little sibling to ents). Long ago a curse was placed upon him from destroying one of the rings of power. Whenever he touches someone with his bare skin he will make them insane. But despite this, he and Gandalf have gone on many adventures to help protect Middle Earth (What was the point to destroying the ring if something else destroyed it instead?) Gandalf has called on him once again to help on a quest, Bilbo just hopes that they read his amendments to the contract.

The quest but with a twist au fics

King, come at the red morning by Tawabids: Bilbo has heard fairytales of the lost prince of the dwarves, Thorin son of Thrain, who disappeared the day Smaug attacked the Lonely Mountain. But he does not believe in fairytales until he comes across the dwarf sleeping in the depths of Erebor, and kisses him back to life. Now Thorin - a hundred and fifty years out of his time - has to confront a world in which his city is empty, his people scattered, his baby brother Frerin is king, two nephews he's never met are missing in action, and a war is brewing right on his doorstep. And as if that wasn't complicated enough he's trapped in the body of an old man and falling stupidly in love with a gossipy, grudging little hobbit.

When the sun rises by Harry1981: Bilbo Baggins of Bag End was not a very respectable Hobbit. No respectable Hobbit had a sword and crossbow hanging in their home, nor did they have Dwarves as family. But Bilbo Baggins did, and all of Shire knew of his husband, blacksmith Thorin Oakenshield. When Bilbo comes home to find his Husband earlier than expected, he learns of a quest to reclaim Erebor. It is a death mission. Bilbo knows that Dwarves are stubborn creatures, and none more than Thorin himself. But nobody said that Bilbo himself was any less stubborn. So he will follow his dearest husband across all of Middle Earth, through plains and mountains and forests, all while hiding the true nature of their relationship (Dwarven politics never helped anyone), brushing off some old wounds (and getting new ones) and finding out new things about the dwarf Bilbo calls husband (and his extended family). Nobody ever said love was easy, after all.

Small, but fierce by DomesticGoddess: As a result of a magical mishap during the trip to the lonely mountain, Bilbo is reverted to a wee little hobbitling. Only in body, of course. His adult mind is still very aware of the indignity of it all (seriously! He doesn't need to be coddled, carried, and fed like a child). It turns out, dwarves love children and there is nothing cuter than Hobbit children. Bilbo soon realizes that he can get away with just about anything in his babyish form and starts taking full advantage of it. Even the grumpy brooding king can't deny the angelic little creature anything he desires (and Bilbo's going to milk that for all it's worth).

Your song like a home in my heart by Nennvial: In Middle Earth, all creatures have a soulmate. Not all have some, but if they do, it is a bond nothing can break, not even death. The more famous story of such a bound was the story of Bren and Luthien, who even defied detath. The way someone can find out that the other is one’s soulmate is through song: when they meet and hear the voice of the other, a song sings in their heart, which feels like home and makes them complete. They may refuse it if they wish to do so, but they hence risk a life of bitter looniness. Thorin Oakenshield and Bilbo Baggins are soulmates, but they must admit it to themselves throughout their journey to Erebor.

To Dungeons Deep (And Caverns Old) by KingUndertheMountain: Bilbo Baggins was not your average hobbit. Of course, he had the wonderfully groomed and well-taken-care-of hairy feet like every other one of his race, yes, but he was not like other hobbits. He was cursed. Or, as the witch who gave him the enchantment put it, was “gifted”. She had given him the “gift” of obedience – whenever there was a direct command given to him, for example “cook a large meal” or “take a walk”, he could not disobey. Not without a lot of pain and eventual submission.

Chocolate candy one-shots

The world is sleeping (my world is you) by katheneverwrites (mandolinearts): I asked Persephone, “How could you grow to love him? He took you from flowers to a kingdom where not a single living thing can grow.” Persephone smiled, “My darling, every flower on your earth withers. What Hades gave me was a crown made for the immortal flowers in my bones.” - Nikita Gill ---“What do you mean, my friend?” There is a line of thought that surfaces in Gandalf’s mind, but he drowns it before it can take root. Surely not. But Bilbo’s chuckle sets him on edge. The small, gentle god of harvest, nature, and flowers sits up straighter, and in his crown of flowers there is a wire of strong metal, his cloak is suddenly not colorful anymore but the deepest black and he is terrifying, horrific, powerful - “I married Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the World.”

Of seasons by northerntrash: As far as he could tell, he had been kidnapped, which in itself made this week more than a little unusual. In which Bilbo steals away the Lord of Death, and Thorin can't quite bring himself to stay angry about it.

Warm up by paranoid_fridge: On one of their walks, Bilbo tumbles into a stream. They make it back to Bag End and Bilbo demands Thorin warm him up.

Royal Blue And Crimson Red by Mistofstars: Here's what happened before and after Bilbo accidentally eavesdrops on Gandalf and Elrond at night in Rivendell, as they discuss Thorin's quest and his family's history. Oh, and Thorin and Bilbo share a room, of course ;)

I was young when I left home by Margo_Kim: There was a pity clapper somewhere in the third row. Thorin finished his fourth song to polite applause from the people who noticed that the song was finished, but within the smattering of claps was someone beating his hands together like he was trying to rhythmically kill a fly. There was usually one of those, the kind who notices that no one else is paying attention and so is determined to compensate for that regardless of how they feel about the actual music. Thorin ignored him. It was easy to do so—he'd always hated looking at the audience when the singing was done.

A matter of buttons by StupidFatPenguin: “Your shirt,” says Thorin, quite out of the blue, and Bilbo looks down his front to see if there is a spot of tea or jam or anything equally embarrassing spilled on it. He is relieved to find nothing of the sort and looks up at the dwarf with an eyebrow raised in question. Thorin sits mute, his still-smoking pipe forgotten in his hand. He looks on for long moments still, seems almost lost to a thought before he shifts and lifts his gaze to meet Bilbo’s inquiring face. “It is familiar to me. Did you not wear this on the eve we met?” In which Bilbo and Thorin re-enact the evening they met.

The ladder by Milliethekitty27: Inspired from a post made by wheeloffortune-design on tumblr. Tired of his lonely kitchen in Yavanna's Garden, Bilbo Baggins wonders if the dwarven love of being underground is true in death. If so, maybe his dwarves are living (ha ha) under the very land Bilbo is weeding. With that thought, Bilbo goes and asks Hamfast for a shovel.

Love hobbit by HybridOwl: Bilbo Baggins considers himself a bit of a cock up, all things considered. He never made it out of his small highway adjacent town, can't seem to stop chain-smoking, and overall has more to talk about with the plants in his shop than 90% of all the rest of Middle Earth. So when he's reading the morning paper and a love note that can't be for anyone but him pops up, he's pretty sure - almost positive, really - that he's being made fun of. "TO the chain-smoking little stud who collects two metros from Gamgee's Goods every morning, will you be my love hobbit? - Bearded Biker." (heavily inspired by tumblr posts)

Fusion with other fandoms au fics

The Second Time by authoressjean; Sebastian Moran can't pull the trigger on John Watson to save his own hide, and what the hell is it with the doctor, anyway? Then Gandalf shows up, meddlesome wizard, and reminds him none too gently of his past life: as Thorin Oakenshield, leader of a company that had once included a small hobbit named Bilbo Baggins. One that looked decidedly like John Watson. And this would be the perfect chance to make things right with Bilbo the way he really hadn't been able to before he died, and that's when Gandalf tells him John doesn't remember being Bilbo, and to leave him alone. Right. Like that's going to happen.

And sow a star divided in us by MistakenMagic: Short summary: Gays in space! Longer summary: After his first successful solo mission, Jedi Knight Bilbo Baggins, trained by High Council member and full-time nuisance, Master Gandalf, returns to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. During an excursion to the sparring arena, he meets a group of Dwarven Jedi from Ered Luin, a mountainous planet located in the Outer Rim. Young padawans, Fili and Kili, are full of curiosity at this strange, barefoot Jedi, but Master Thorin, who appears to have the personality of a rancor and mental shields like blast doors, is less than impressed.

Comics you should definitely check

Every work by rutobuka, seriously they're criminally cute and they're not still favored by everyone without reason.

Retelling the Hobbit by Mellow_Comics: Bilbo has never been good at telling the "true" story of what happened on his journey to the Lonely Mountain. Now he's trying to turn the tale of his quest into a lighthearted children's book-- a bedtime story for his young nephew Frodo. But what really happened on his journey? And how did it actually affect him? This is a comic adaptation/retelling of the Hobbit! It's framed as a bedtime story that Bilbo is telling a younger Frodo.

For now these are some of my personal favourites! However, I'm sure my list will grow since my reading list has some gems still waiting for me to read, so be certain that there will be a part 2 of this list!

[kookiepredictions]

Jungkook Twin Flame Reading

A little post in honour of Jungkook’s birthday after which I’ll be taking a break :)

 Jungkook Twin Flame Reading

 The relationship dynamic between Jungkook and his TF is so interesting to me. To say that they are made for each other is a huge understatement. If human beings have several layers and levels to their being, then it is safe to say that Jungkook and his TF are compatible at every level; that’s how “destined” they are. Even if you take away the spiritual aspect of their connection and just focus on the earthly, physical dimension, they are the type of people who would be instantly drawn to each other. It’s not enough said that they are each other’s type. They could walk into a room full of people and instantly pick the other. Each has the physical appearance that the other finds attractive, the personality that the other admires, and their overall goals and ambitions in life too are very compatible. Whether they hit each other up at the bar, met in a park, hooked up on Tinder, or had an arranged marriage, it doesn’t matter— they would end up together. It’s like in the movie ‘The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’, where the protagonists erase each other’s memories repeatedly but still end up falling in love every time they meet again. Now you would say, how nice for them, that must make their TF journey so much easier than others’, but (very) interestingly, no, it makes it just the more difficult.

Since they are so obviously compatible, picking each other is an obvious option. It’s like, I don’t need to be divinely guided to pick you; I’d do it anyway. And this is what makes the connection so confusing because there are literally 2 Levels in this connection: 1, where they can just be together as partners or spouses or whatever other earthly relationship term they want to subscribe to, and 2, where they can show up as the Divine Masculine and Feminine and hence have a higher dimensional connection. The difference between these 2 options is that the 1st, while not terrible, would be a mere earthly connection wherein both operate from their wounded selves and therefore their love has conditions, projections, and therefore hurts and problems. This type of relationships is not very uncommon to find and one might even argue that what’s so bad with that? Every relationship has problems. That’s normal. But then I urge you to ask yourselves, is it normal or it is normalized? Also, it might be commonly seen, but with their potential to be Twin Flames, Jungkook and his DF are not here to have a “normal” connection. And they are definitely not here to subscribe to the normalized version of love as it exists in the world right now. As TF counterparts, they have been given a choice to opt for more, also known in the TF community as creating new relationship templates. This is why I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that simply being born and then meeting your TF counterpart does not automatically make you each other’s Twin Flames— it only makes you “potential” TFs. It’s only when you show up as your most authentic or Divine self that you are actually “being” TFs. This is not a very simple phenomenon to understand and a lot of times, TF counterparts meet each other and are caught up in the earthly, or lower chakra attraction that they feel for each other. This looks like intense sexual attraction, daydreaming and overthinking about each other, and being almost addicted to each other. Is this a very bad thing? No, definitely not. Understand that the lower chakras represent our earthly existence and as such, all experiences stemming from them ground us onto that aspect of life and done right, it’s a beautiful experience. Also, one thing I disagree with a lot of people about is that the TF connection is not romantic. Oh but it is! The TF connection is not a fairytale. Heck yeah it is! But I also understand where they are coming from. I think the problem is in the way the words “romance” and “fairytale” are perceived these days. I don’t know about you, but fairytales to me are all about boy meets girl, fall in love, want to be together but problems arise, misunderstandings happen, third parties interfere, sorrows and tears, breakthrough, problem-solving, maybe even some fights, songs and dances, and finally, union. This don’t look like the TF connection to you? Of course, the TF journey is not so oversimplified, linear or one-dimensional, and doesn’t end in like 1 ½ hours. But that’s still the gist though. As for romance, again, I earnestly think the meaning of romance is so skewed right now, it makes me sad. As far as I have lived (and loved), romance has never been just about wining and dining, flowers and chocolates, singing and dancing (although they are a part of that and a very fun one at that). For me, the TF connection is romance at its peak. If romance is defined as the expression of love and affection, then there can be absolutely nothing more romantic than a person who would stop at NOTHING to be with you, to the point that they would take an axe and strike down their own ego, burn and destroy themselves over and over again to be their most authentic self because they see you and think, you’re worth it. So many people in the world right now would rather replace you with someone else simply because they are too proud to look into themselves and heal their wounds that are stopping them from experiencing true love, and continue living with their masks on. Masked people bringing flowers and diamonds and basically everything else other than their heart has never been a romantic notion for me. But yes, the skewed definition of romance these days does not accommodate such depth of the emotion and expression of love, so it’s limited to being perceived (and executed) as materialistic and surface-level exhibition.

TFs, upon meeting each other for the first time, experience all of these earthly tendencies. In itself, it’s not a bad thing at all. It’s sweet, spicy and exciting because seldom do you find a person that gets your heart racing like that. The “relationship” too, seems within your reach. But just when you reach out for them, the tower moments happen. This is when TFs realize that there is much more than what appears on the surface and you got to dig deeper. With Jungkook and his DF, it just was even more confusing because them being so compatible and an “obvious choice” for each other, the delays and the “ifs” and “buts” just did not make sense. This was especially Jungkook’s energy where he was more focused on the earthly manifestation of this connection because that’s what made sense to him— boy meets girl, fall in love, together bam! (Lol I had to make that joke cuz it’s a special day). He was also focused more on the external manifestations of problems in the connection, for example, he would think, I cannot be with the DF because of X, Y, Z. But the TF journey, like any other spiritual journey, will always teach you to look inward. Any problem and situation in life is always the external manifestation of something that is wrong inside, and therefore that’s where all solutions lie. On the other hand, as DFs are usually initiated into the spiritual journey first and are more concerned with that aspect of the connection (explained in detail in a previous post), his DF kept running away from him because Jungkook’s state of mind was not supportive of her spiritual quests. It’s important to understand that neither of them was consciously doing this; both did what they did because that’s what made sense to them at their level of healing. As the “lead” in this journey though, somehow it all started with the DF. She felt the call to opt for that higher dimension in their connection and to move away from him when he wasn’t in the ready state to even understand, let alone, support that spiritual aspect, which is what is known as the Separation— the part where both parties need to focus on their own healing. However, it’s one thing to know what to do, and quite another to embody that knowledge and act on it with the trust that everything will ultimately work out. So for a while, she too was caught up in her lower dimensional cravings. It’s safe to say that just like Jungkook, she was terrified of losing him because like I said, even in a non-TF way, they seemed so perfect for each other, you just do not want to miss the chance to at least give it a shot. But her soul would be tugging at her to complete the tasks that she had undertaken prior to incarnation, in other words, her soul contract, so she wouldn’t be able to be fully present in this connection either. And so she would do this thing where she would take a step forward towards her destiny and then look back at Jungkook where he was in his journey to see if he would join her. Repeatedly. But this connection IS about your soul journey, her indecision and mental to and fro would energetically keep Jungkook in an indecisive and back and forth state too. It’s like everytime she would look back to see if she was making a mistake, Jungkook would look back to see if he was making a mistake. This was keeping him attached to his karmic situations, which would then drain him, which would make him want his DF more to fill him up, which would create energy drainage for the DF which would ultimately repel the DF and she would want to run far, far away from him. This pushing him away in turn would hurt and confuse Jungkook and he would start doubting the connection and his self worth and start thinking that he doesn’t deserve her and that she is staying away from him because she isn’t interested in him and it’s all in his head, and so he would think of walking away from her before she leaves him. This is the push and pull dynamic in this connection and this was the loop that they were stuck in for a while.

Over time though, his DF has been inching closer and closer to her destined path, trying to find faith in herself, in the connection and in Jungkook and has been looking back less. Recognizing her role as the lead, she has had to make the difficult decision to solely focus on herself and put Jungkook out of her mind— a “whatever happens, happens, I’m not abandoning myself for anyone anymore” kind of a decision. This has been difficult for her because she has always naturally been someone who puts other people’s needs before her own. When she likes someone, it has always made sense for her to almost sacrifice all her needs and wants for the other person’s. However, this energy has never been reciprocated to her in her previous connections, and her life would always eventually turn out to be one where her needs were always in the backburner. As I had said in a previous post, when she first meets Jungkook, the way he treated her was quite different from others. While other men would make these big show of love while ignoring the smallest, most basic things about her, Jungkook was observant of the little subtle things about her and more importantly, always willing and even seeking to do things that felt tailormade for her. While other people made their moves with agenda, Jungkook had this energy of just vibing in the moment, doing little things, making her smile. It was like he had even forgotten to set a purpose or intention of interacting with her; he just did what he did because it made him so happy. This caused her to put down her guard and a connection was made. However, this connection, or specifically, the happiness and bliss in the connection did not last long because both were interacting from a co-dependent place— they were both doing things trying to seek happiness from the other, to fill an empty void in themselves. But as I discussed earlier, when you seek something outside of yourself, it is never enough because that void can only be filled by you. So, what started as a beautiful and fun connection started morphing into a confusing, draining and hurtful one. This was very the signal to start levelling up into a higher dimension of the connection— the connection in itself wasn’t wrong; it was just that it was established in a lower, 3D dimension that was keeping it embroiled in pain and struggle. The DF was the first to recognize this and felt it in her heart to first, individually level up. But as said earlier, she was constantly looking back in doubt, afraid she might just lose him, which, true to the TF connection, kept Jungkook stuck in a fear of losing her. When Jungkook is stuck in the energy of this fear for long enough, external problems would manifest to reflect and amplify that fear, which then, as I said, would make him want to leave her first before she could leave him, because he felt that he loved her too much to ever be able to bear the pain of his heart being broken by her.

In present times, his DF has been a lot more confident in herself and in this connection. This has happened because she has spent considerable amount of time healing her trauma patterns which has immensely increased her faith in the Divine and she is able to see this connection clearly, not just from a knowledge point of view, but also from a deep feeling. In the past, she was stuck in the confusion of “if he is right for me, then how does it make sense to leave him behind?”, the same confusion that Jungkook had. But then again, when she stayed behind, there would be all these differences of opinions between them and problems and hurt would ensue. Both saw each other as their destination and yet, the path each proposed to take was different. Jungkook took the more rational, practical path while his DF was inclined to the more spiritual, “listen to the Divine, have faith and let go” path. Incidentally, the spiritual path is not irrational either. The real, practical problems in their connection did not go unnoticed by the DF. She noticed the co-dependency, the fact that she was constantly putting her own needs behind to try to address his needs and also the fact that even after that, Jungkook was still stuck in fear, doubt, confusion and misery. But more than anything else, she saw the once-beautiful connection deteriorate every day. This was painful to her because from the moment she saw Jungkook, as an intuitive and foresighted woman, she knew he was the one, and that this would be a beautiful and fulfilling connection, and the start had even been that way. The intense attraction, waiting for each other everyday, daydreaming when they were alone, every love song finally making sense— stuff straight out of a movie or a romance novel. But this reality kept slipping off, and it hurt her to see it all go down the drain. So when she realized that this connection needed to be anchored to a higher frequency, she had to make the choice of walking away from him to work on herself. She knew that she wasn’t being her most authentic, divine self, and as such, wouldn’t be able to create an authentic and divine connection. While in the past she was afraid of being judged by him for the choices and decisions she made, more recently she has stepped into the confidence that living her life from her heart is not something she should ever be afraid of, and if Jungkook is the divinely destined partner that she thought he was, he would never stand in the way of her living a life that made her happy. She also knew that unless she heals herself from her own trauma and wounds, she would not be able to love him right either. She isn’t perfect and in the past she has done many a hurtful things to people she loved and she is afraid unhealed, she would do the same to Jungkook. In this energy, she foresees the connection to become riddled with problems and trauma bonding and she would rather leave him and this connection right this instant where it is still relatively peaceful, than create a reality where they hurt each other that much. It’s funny that in her past relationships, whenever she hurt her partner, she would feel guilty for behaving that way more because she feels it was beneath who she is, but on hindsight she will be like, well they still deserved it for being complete jerks to me. But with Jungkook, she feels like she wouldn’t be able to ever willingly hurt him because she believes he doesn’t deserve to ever be treated that way, so it could only mean that in such a state, she would only hurt herself each time and she didn’t want that for herself either, so she feels like she’d rather stay away from him and the connection than cause all that. This is similar to how Jungkook feels about her as well, which is why no matter how tough it gets for him to go on without her, he always reminds himself that he couldn’t possibly with her until he became capable enough to give her all the happiness that she deserves, so that’s where they would mirror each other. And yet, everytime he feels empty, he wants to reach out to her. However, as the DF has started becoming confident in the connection, and stopped looking back in doubt, Jungkook has been feeling confident too. The more she heals, he heals. Now, they are both on their adventures of finding themselves while still recognizing the presence and impact of this connection in their lives. I think they’ve both realized that trying to escape this connection is a lost war. Instead they are embracing it and letting it guide them while still learning to put themselves first. Even after all the doubts and fears, their destination still remains the same, and the path seems to be aligning as well because they are both trying to meet each other halfway. Will there be anymore problems, confusion, doubts, fears, anger, frustration? Maybe, maybe not. But like I always say, that’s not the point of life at all. Nor is that the point of relationships. Problems might still arise but unlike in the past, they won’t be swept into co-dependency. The DF has learnt to listen to her heart every time, even if Jungkook does not agree with her and will address Jungkook’s needs only when she has ensured that her own needs are met first. In return, Jungkook has learnt to trust that his DF’s path will never be separate from his— time and time again, he has seen his DF return to him, never ceasing to love him and he has learnt to trust more in the Divine to give him what he believes belongs to him. Soon enough, they will be whole, complete and happy enough on their own accord and this will create a harmonious and blissful interdependent connection between them with the earthly intense attraction as well as the divine peaceful stability.

Just to avoid an abrupt end, let me share one of my favourite quotes that aptly defines this journey (except add “vice versa”):

“A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”

― Maya Angelou

 Happy 24th birthday Jungkook, I hope you always know and remember that you are well loved, not because the person or the people who love you are good people, but because you deserve to be loved always. What is yours will never pass you by and what you seek, seeks you I promise. You will see, in time. Every single thing in this connection and in this journey might not make sense and it might seem long and dragged out, but if you want the other person to consider your needs, you must consider theirs too. That is true love. And it is yours. You’ve worked for it and you’ve earned it. Your DF wants you as much as you want her. But she won’t give herself to you unless she deems herself as someone you deserve and you deserve the best. She knows you already think she’s perfect but she also knows that you have the biggest, the kindest and the most accommodating heart and you would never make anyone feel lesser than. But she’s adamant lol. She says, Jungkook deserves the best and he will have the best. Please allow her the time and space to do this not just for you but also for herself— allow her to heal her insecurities so she never feels small and insignificant anywhere she goes. Don’t forget that your destination is the same. Allow her to take a different path once in a while if she so pleases, and don’t be afraid to do the same. Do what YOU want to do and what is best for you. Always. If it hurts her ego, best believe that it is HER problem to take care of. If you are meant to be, mistakes and slip ups will never get in the way of that. If you are meant to be, neither of you should ever have to hide any part of yourselves. Trust that being your most authentic selves, no matter how odd, shameful and unforgiving it might seem to you, will always bring you closer. That’s just what unconditional love is. That’s what you are divinely created to have. If you have to hide, pretend and suppress any part of you to please the other, it’s just not love, and believe you me, your connection won’t last that way. I know it’s scary, to show those parts of yourself to another, parts that even you haven’t been able to accept, embrace or forgive, then how are they going to do that? She knows and she fears the same about herself. But know that you both have to show up as who you are, otherwise this connection remains a daydream and an illusion, the bubble of which will burst sooner or later. You both have been given the opportunity to create something that is not just missing but is needed in this world right now. Take it and make the best out of it. At the end of your lives, as you sit on your porch, watching the sunset together, you will get to look back in triumph and gratitude for one hell of an adventure. Happy birthday once again! May this day be the start to the best, happiest, most fun, most exciting, most exotic, most peaceful, most authentic and most soul-ly fulfilling life you have ever wanted.

 P.S. I really wanted to make a small and compact post but for some reason I rambled on and also I feel so tired after this I want to go to sleep immediately. I don’t have the energy to see what I’ve written anymore so I hope it all made sense. See you after my break! PPS. :) :) :)

[mgsapphire]

What is love, Hae-in?

I was waiting for all episodes to be released for this particular post, but Hae-in's homework was a gateway for me to talk about it. The different forms of love portrayed in Racket Boys.

Racket boys makes a good point of talking about all the different kinds of love, even if it's not explicitly. And yes, I'm going to be lame and use the greek's types of love, and add some more, because I can.

Philia

gif credit: @deokmis

Without getting too philosophical, philia refers to a love between friends, and it's directly translated as the highest form of love. This is the kind of love the story centers around. And interestingly, the definition of philia doesn't stop there. Aristotle believed that philia could be divided into three separate forms:

A friendship of utility

A friendship of pleasure

A friendship of the good

I found this interesting because the friends navigate between these as the story develops. Mainly with Hae-kang when he first arrives to town. He starts hanging out with the rest of the kids out of a necessity to do so. They needed him and he needed them. That was it.

Soon, as Hae-kang grows fonder of badminton, the boys start sharing a common interest, to which we can add their love for games. They start growing interested in each other, and a deeper connection starts to form.

As they navigate a different set of experiences, a true friendship begins to develop, where they see themselves as part of a whole that must function together.

So, what is love, Hae-in? It's the way your brother and his teammates fight over the silly stuff passionately, and let go of the heavy ones. It's the way they protect each other even when the odds are against them.

Storge

gif credit: @mercurialhigh

Storge often refers to the love between family members, most importantly that which parents give to their kids and vice versa. This one is one of my favorites when depicted in the show, and it also has to do with the nature of this type of love.

Storge often feels unilateral from the parent to the child, and I think it has to do with the fact that the children are often oblivious to the parents' sacrifice. While sacrifice doesn't necessarily mean love, it is noticeably clear that this is the storytelling the showrunners are going for when they depict it.

Hae-kang's mom stopped her athlete career in order to give birth to him, Yun-dam's parents showed him off in the store and bought him his favorite dishes, Yong-tae's dad gives him tonics to make him feel better and buys him a cellphone, and U-chan's dad tries to understand him increasingly every day.

On the other hand, we can also tell how much the kids love their parents, Hae-kang often hides his pain in order to not worry his parents, Yun-dam tries his best at everything in order to make his parents proud, Yong-tae knows everything about plants just like his dad, and U-chan tries to please his parents. The girls too, try to show their affection to their parents in the best way they can.

So, what is love Hae-in? Is the way your brother, dad and you all sleep with their arms raised. It's the way you can all find comfort in each other, and it's the way they all tried their best to explain to you what love was.

Xenia

gif credit: @uppoompat

This is known as hospitality love, in Greek mythology, it was portrayed as helping a stranger would grant you blessings. Close to christian's belief of "love thy neighbor". This is my favorite portrayal in Racket boys, as the community via this kind of love develops in one more similar to that of family. It started with Hae-kang and Hae-in arriving in town and being welcomed by the elderly, with Hae-kang's bad curry, with the village chief hospitality, and it developed into a lovely mural, a community effort to cheer each other on, and a funeral that was closer to a party.

So, what is love Hae-in? It's the way the city people found their will to live in helping those in the small village they came to die in. The way your brother's curry accidentally showed them love, and the mural showed their gratitude toward the community.

Philautia

Gif credit: @mostlyfate

The love of self in here has been portrayed as both good and bad. Hae-kang is the biggest example of this duality, at first, he was overconfident, and lead to him losing a few games. Then, he started both training and still being confident in his skills, making him unstoppable in his quest for success.

Other characters also manifest this love. I think another example is In-sol, who knows what his worth is, and that's why he strives hard to be better at everything.

While Se-yoon is very good at what she does, I don't think she has found her self love quite yet, as she puts the sport and others opinions of her above her own health and needs. It could be argued that Hae-kang is the same, but Hae-ckang doesn't necessarily win to keep others satisfied, which Se-yoon feels is something she must do.

So, what is love, Hae-in? It's the way your brother constantly strives to be a better version of himself, the way each one of the team members know their worth despite losing or winning. It's the way your mother is so confident.

Eros

gif credit: @uppoompat

While romantic love is not very prominent in the story, we can still see it with the city couple, Hae-kang's parents, and the exploration of a love different than those of friends that Yun-dam and Ji-won experience, along with Hae-kang and Se-yoon.

The city couple are the biggest example of a passion for each other, no matter how calm and odd they may be on the outside. They are always taking the other into consideration, and seem to be such an extreme version of passionate love that they seem to be unable to live without the other.

With the teenagers crushes, we can also see how they navigate this change from merely a philial love to that that is more erotic. Of course, they can coexist, but when you start approaching the realm of eros, new feelings can surface, such as jealousy, and sense of fierce protection that can overlap with control if one is not careful.

So, what is love, Hae-in? Is the way your father still looks at your mother as if she were the biggest treasure he could ever find. It's the implicit understanding that the gaze of the city couple's hold. It's the way your brother sometimes seems silly.

I could also touch on agape, but I honestly don't know how this particular form of love is approached in the series.

[argisthebulwark]

I have the BIGGEST fucking crush on Erandur so I'd love it if you did kiss prompt 24 with him (deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer) combines with the smut prompt "You’ve been giving me bedroom eyes for the past half an hour - time to show me what, exactly, was on your mind." Pretty please??

lmao this is late as hell but i had to watch someone do waking nightmare since i finished it a long time ago! prompts from these posts. i listened to this song while writing if u were curious for vibes. 

pairing: female dunmer tld/erandur

Content Warnings: explicit sexual themes and language. minors DNI

Erandur and tld are on a mission from Dinya Balu to help two citizens of Skyrim escape and find love together, and end up finding some love for themselves.

“We simply cannot allow for Jofthor to stand in the way of his daughter’s happiness.” Eradur grumbled into his drink while the Dragonborn simply watched. She’d realized that she was a big fan of watching Erandur do just about anything. “The Lady Mara has spoken and shows that Fastred is more than capable of choosing her own fate, however she may choose.” 

“It’s a bit of our choice too, isn’t it?” Erandur’s dark eyes met hers, the side of his mouth tilting up in a smirk. 

“Unfortunately, our choice does have some weight, yes.” He set his mug down, tongue caught thoughtfully between his teeth. The Dragonborn felt something in her stomach twist at the sight; she found herself wondering for the hundredth time what it would feel like to be kissed by him. She wondered if the stubble covering his jaw would be sharp of if it would scratch at her skin, if his lips were as soft as she imagined, if his teeth were sharp enough that it would hurt when he bit her. Her face flushed when he rubbed a thumb thoughtfully along his lower lip, brows tightening as he fell deeper into his thoughts once again. 

It seemed absolutely indecent to have such thoughts about him. He was a priest of Mara, a friend who’d volunteered to help her as she completed quests across the continent. He’d followed her from Dawnstar to Riften and back to Ivarstead out of the goodness of his heart. She wondered if he’d volunteered only because of her help at Nightcaller Temple, cheeks deepening in color when she hoped that there was a deeper, more personal meaning. 

“What are you thinking about, my child?” His deep voice cut through her impure thoughts, dragging her back to reality. The Dragonborn watched as Erandur reclined in his seat and considered telling him in the truth. I’m thinking about how badly I want to climb over this table and kiss you.

“Just trying to figure it all out.” She blurted noncommittally. He gave her the same amused look he had when she’d thought that wearing an Amulet of Mara would show that she was committed to the faith and he’d explained what exactly she was projecting to the world. Of course, he’d waited until after some old man in full armor had asked her if she was available for marriage.

Their shared room at the inn was barely big enough for two bunks and a small table. She’d often fantasized about the day where there was only one bed available - how it would feel squeezed into the bunk beside Erandur, hands tangled into her hair and his soft snores against her skin, legs wrapped together. The Dragonborn caught herself staring at the hand cradling his mug wondering how it would feel exploring the body under her robes. 

“You’re not thinking about the mission.” He accused, his tone snapping the Dragonborn’s eyes back up to his. Her heart was racing at the intensity she found there, the way he’d leaned closer to her.

“Why do you think that?” She replied breathlessly, trying to wipe the filth from her mind. 

“You’ve been giving me bedroom eyes for the last half hour.” His voice was lower, smoother than she’d ever heard it. It made her body come alive, skin prickling and heat pooling in her. “Time to show me what, exactly, was on your mind.” 

This couldn’t be real. Erandur had noticed the way she couldn’t tear her gaze from him and wasn’t chastising her, he wasn’t condemning her. He wasn’t disgusted at the thought of being with her. 

“What do you mean?” She stumbled over her words when Erandur raised a brow at her. This could not be real. It had to be some sort of joke. He’d never shown interest in anything other than friendship. 

“You’re looking at me like you want me to fuck you.” The Dragonborn felt like she was going to buckle under the weight of his gaze. His voice was a dangerously low tone, silky smooth as he said things she’d never dared to imagine coming from his mouth. 

“Yes,” she breathed, unsure if she could make herself say anything more. Her bones felt like jelly when Erandur chuckled. She wasn’t trying to be funny. 

“My child,” he murmured, eyes holding her gaze. “All you had to do was ask.”

The Dragonborn launched herself out of her seat. She didn’t give a thought to the table or their drinks or the stew cooling from being ignored. She didn’t care about the notes they’d taken as she crashed into Erandur’s lap. Dishes crashed to the floor but his hands were catching her, cradling her against himself and she was lost in his touch.

Her kiss was eager and urgent and she was moaning into his mouth from the first moment. His nimble fingers combed her hair back from her face, twisting into the roots as he dragged her closer. It felt like breathing for the first time; his stubble scratching at her chin and cheeks, lips plush and perfect against hers. He groaned into her mouth as her tongue slid over his lower lip, a thrill running through her body. 

“I want you.” She muttered breathlessly against Erandur’s mouth, fingers diving into his hair. His hood was knocked aside as they grasped one another closer, desperate breaths filling the silence of their room. She wanted more of him; more of his kisses, more of his touches, more of that deliciously deep voice he’d used with her, all of it. She wanted all of Erandur. 

“Mara forgive me.” Erandur mumbled against her lips, low voice sending a shiver down her spine. “I want you too.”

The Dragonborn felt a tug on her hair and he was kissing her again. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to release her hands from his dark hair but didn’t care. All she cared about was the perfect movement of his lips on hers, the bump of his nose on hers, the needy whimpers she couldn’t keep inside. It felt like she could disappear into Erandur’s kiss and knew that she would never survive without it. 

“Is that what you were thinking about so intently?” Erandur taunted, smirking before pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. The need for more was still bursting under her skin and she clung to his hair, refusing to let him get too far away. 

“Some of it.” She found herself smiling against the prickly skin of his jaw. 

“Well please, indulge an old priest. Show me everything.” 

[smolsidesandco]

Can have cg sides hcs? Even th dark ones plz an thanks u

Ackkkkkk i forgot to post this but,

Yeah! I would love to share some headcannons! I already have a lot for Janus just because I have written them as a cg, so I hope these are good!

Janus:

• Janus is wonderful at helping smalls when they need to be distracted from icky thoughts.

• They have many textured baby and kid toys for the smol to choose from.

• They aren't a very strict cg but they do use the techniques of gentle parenting with the smol they're looking after.

• They're the go to side when it comes to a smol having a meltdown or tantrum. They're reassure them that what they feeling is valid and calmly talk to them about whats wrong and options they could choose to feel better or could use to get their emotions out.

• They tend to be able to find loops holes in the rules depending on specific scenarios that they would happily use to be able to sneak the smol a secret cookie or candy.

• When its time for a smol to go to bed they either team up with Roman to tell a nice bedtime story, full of voices and soft things. Or teaming up with Patton to gently rock and hum smols to bed.

• Normally they don't like having their scales touched, but if its for a smol, they tend to let that slide and let any smols use the textures to stim.

• They don't change their sarcastic sassy attitude when they're helping a smol. They don't do the whole baby talking either. They don't enjoy treating a smol like they don't know how to do anything.

• They'll keep an eye on the smol and ask them if they need help or if they would like some help. Reassuringly them that if they do, they would be happy to help and that its okay.

• If the smol their watching does something on their own, you can bet Janus is proud of them.

• "Oh my, you did all this yourself? Well you did a wonderful job on it!"

• They enjoy being a cg in the same way someone would regress to get a break from the big world.

• They can also make sure a smol is taking care of themself

Patton:

• Patton is without a doubt a very snuggly and excited cg.

• They love baking for and with their smol!

• They absolutely let whatever smolntheir watching that they can link the batter off the spoon (much to logans dismay)

• They hold the smols hands and help them mix batter or cutting out cookie shapes!

• If its a bigger smol, they'll let you crack an egg and throw it away all by yourself!

• Patton falls into baby talking a lot whenever their watching a smol.

• Baby talking, plus helping the smol with most things.

• They tend to assume that the smol will need help with most things, and its almost second nature for them to help with everything.

• Patton is pretty good at watching younger smols. Older smalls tend to be harder for them to help, since they tend to want to do a lot of things theirself, but they tries their best.

• They love taking their smol kiddo outside to play.

• Having picnics and going to the park is one of their favorite activities! And they'll pack the smols favorite picnic safe food!

• Loves trying out cute pintrest food trends. And packing the smols lunch in cute themed lunch boxes.

Logan:

• Surprisingly Logan helps Patton a lot with making food, and making it look really nice.

• Their logic states that a smol will be more inclined to eat their food, including veggies and the sorts, if it looks nice.

• Maybe a unicorn themed lunch will get a smol to eat their carrots. Or a sky themed one will get thoes mash potatoes off their plate.

• Logan has done quite a lot of research on this topic, especially if it due to helping the smol.

• For every smol they know, they plan/analyze/ and write down atleast five different lunch options and themes that would work the best based on the smols pallet and what they like.

• Of course this all also means they expect the smol to eat all their veggies and if you don't eat them you don't get dessert.

• Using the excuse of not liking the veggies seems impossible as well since each meal is catered to the person.

• They create schedules for the smol to follow, filled with times to eat, sleep, play, and even watch cartoons.

• They tend to be rather stuck on what they shedual is and won't take a straight up no when they say its bed time.

• Of course communicating and making sure there isn't any other reason or deeper meaning to the smol not wanting to do something they should is something they try to figure out first.

• They love watching documentaries with the smol!

• Especially ones about space, the ocean, or how something is made.

• They have many worksheets, learning games, and puzzles for the smol to work through with them if they would like.

Remus:

• Another carer/baby sitter that loves puzzles is our favorite wacky ratboi.

• Surprisingly, seeing a smol is almost an instantaneous flip to them.

• While they're basically the same wacky fun uncle as normal, they know how unpleasant icky phrases or words can be when a safe space like this is involved.

• Its also nice for them because their brain sort of does it automatically, so its a well wanted break from all their intrusive thoughts.

• They will actively find every way they can to break the rules with a smol.

• Whether that be skipping bedtime, eating icecream for breakfast, eating so much candy.

• In their mind 'chaos needs to be chaos, and I rather the smol chaos happen around me so I can make sure the chaos doesn't hurt anyone'

• They don't mind letting the smol put glitter or whatever in their mustache.

• They work well with older smols who can jump around and do a lot of things with supervision.

• Watching horror movies or scary ghost shows is something they're happy to watch with the smol! (As long as the smol wants)

• They'll sneak any veggies you don't want off your plate and eat them for you.

• Mixing everytype of icecream sounds like a good idea right?

• 10000 percent make 'magical potions' with you with all the shampoo and soaps.

• Pranks galore

Roman:

• When the smol isn't causing chaos or watching cartoons, Roman will make sure the smol feels like a royal.

• That includes dressing up, makeup, hair, and going on adventures!

• They love setting up little quest for the smol to go on and solve.

• Helping them defeat dragons, monsters, and all kinds of things!

• They work better with older smols but can watch a younger smol and be their princely knight to protect the baby royal!

• They like going outside and letting the smol explore with them.

• Sometimes in the woods looking for cool sticks and rocks to bring home and let Logan look over.

• Other times going on the nature trail at the park and saying its a serious quest.

• They don't activatively try to break the rules with the smol like Remus. They more so simply forget that they're are rules and things like bedtime for the smol.

• Arts and crafts are another fun thing they're good at with the smol. They have so many coloring books and craft supplies.

• Pretty much prepared for simple coloring, all the way to paper mache.

• Whenever a smol is afraid of something, they try to 'defeat it' whether its needing to spar and imaginary monster in the closet and sending them back home, or vanquishing the horrible spider by taking it away to a safe place.

• They sing songs and lullabies to help the smol calm down or sleep.

• Disney move marathons galore.

• So many spinny hugs.

Virgil

• Virgil is the best with younger smols.

• They're less likely to wander away when they're not looking.

• Easier to help them when they need help

• They don't tend to want to do things by themselves. Which is good for them because just sitting there isn't good for their nerves.

• They tend to stay close by.

• Virgil is better with younger smols because they find them easier to watch in general.

• Its also a good time to wind down and focus on someone that isn't themself.

• They always have baby wipes and bandaids on hand.

• Isn't really the one for baby talking with a smol.

• They're really good with sounds and making sure the smol isn't overwhelmed by loudness or things being too quiet.

• Lives for creepy crawlies and Halloween things with their smol.

• Binge watching Tim Burton movies while eating rice crispies.

• Let's the smol cuddle up into their arms and sleep whenever they want.

• On occasion will let the smol wear their jacket.

• Is extremely careful when it comes to food and making sure the smol doesn't get hurt.

• Whenever the smol is scared they either call Roman to come be the knight or helps them feel safe by promising their fear is valid but they're safe. Virgil knows a lot about danger and scary things so they gotta know something about the scary thing

[parvulous-writings]

SFW alphabet// Obi-Wan Kenobi x reader

Request: There isn’t one- this is pure self indulgence. 

Submitted by:​ MEEEE

Genre/fandom: Fluff/Star Wars

Warnings:  None.

Summary: SFW alphabet for Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Not my gif

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Obi-Wan is pretty damn affectionate- when you both are alone. In public, it is often a different story. That’s not to say he doesn’t sweet talk you quietly when you’re out and about, but he rarely holds your hand when in places that the Jedi Order could see you. When you are alone though, either in his quarters, your Coruscant apartment or elsewhere out of sight, he is one of the most affectionate people you’ve ever met, giving you so many hugs and kisses it’s hard to count. One of his favourite things to do, during slower days, he’ll sit in his favourite chair whilst he reads, letting you sit in a nearby chair, your hands linking you both together.  B - Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

Quite simply, Obi-Wan is one of the nicest and fairest beings in the galaxy, and the very best friend should you put the effort in to get to know him- though, even if you don’t, he’s still extraordinarily kind hearted, and ever the gentleman.  The friendship would probably start when he’s assigned to protect you- and of course he politely introduces himself, and you’re drawn to his friendly and calming presence. 

C - Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He ADORES cuddles. All of them. In bed, in comfy chairs, standing up- anywhere, anyhow, so long as you aren’t discovered. Given half the chance, he would cuddle you to the end of time. He’s a big one for physical affection. A lot of his favourite moments with you are spent curled up together, talking about both everything and nothing, basking in each others company.  D - Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, ect?) Obi-Wan would love to settle down- and he was incredibly ready to leave the Jedi Order for you, but you told him to stay, at least for Anakin’s sake.  He is a marvelous cook- and you can’t convince me otherwise. You don’t go out for secret date nights, oh no, Obi-Wan cooks you a delicious home-made meal.  He’s also quite clean, doing all the chores around his quarters almost every day or when he gets the chance between training sessions, meetings and the missions.  E - Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) If he had to, he would try and let you down slowly. He would try not to make a show of it and explain calmly to you why he think it would be best for you to go your separate ways. It would break him inside, but he’d keep his composure until he was alone.   F - Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? Do they wanna get married?) He would like very much to get married to you 😊 you are his one and only living love, after all. He’d leave the Order for you, if you let him. Enough said, really. G - Gentle (How gentle are they both physically and emotionally?) Very gentle physically, very very gentle indeed. His touches are always so soft, as if he’s nervous that you’re only a dream, and if he’s too rough with you, you’ll suddenly poof out of existence. It’s quite sweet, actually.  H - Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it, and what are they like?) Like with cuddles, Obi is a pretty big hugger. His hugs are warm, and full of all the love he holds for you. You almost always catch his scent- the faint smell of spices, and it always calms you down, it’s soothing. His hands often find the small of your back and the back of your head, supporting you as well as keeping you close to him. I - I Love You (How fast do they say the “love” word?) Not particularly quickly- he tries to suppress his feelings at first, and it takes many weeks of being around you for him to even admit to himself that he liked you, not to mention how long it took for him to muster up the courage to admit his feelings for you.  Even after he admits his love for you, he usually only says the L word when he thinks it’s a special occasion- though he makes sure that you know he loves you in other ways.

J - Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What are they like when jealous?)

Obi-Wan doesn’t often get jealous- he understands the need for close friendships outside of your relationship. But there have been one or two instances where his emotions have gotten the better of him. When he’s jealous, he can get rather possessive. He doesn’t mean to- he truly doesn’t- but he’ll put his arm around your waist, pull you close to his side, whilst giving a very dark glare to send them a message. (He’ll try not to do this in front of Jedi, and has so far succeeded in that regard.)  K - Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) Obi-Wan’s kisses are often quite light and brief- as most of them are given in public. Kisses in private are much deeper, much more passionate, much longer. His favourite place to kiss you is the very tip of your nose, he doesn’t know why really, he just thinks it’s a very endearing place to kiss you. His favourite place to be kissed is just under his jaw, your lips just seem to press against his skin so nicely there.  L - Little Ones (How are they around kids?) Oh, Obi-Wan is a dream around children! He is a wonderful mentor to the younglings in the temple- a brilliant father figure for those who see him as such. Absolute father/husband material, I tell you.  M - Morning (What are mornings like with them?) They are sometimes few and far between, but... Imagine the most idyllic scene you can think of. Sunlight streaming through the window and lightly hitting your face, as the wonderful smell of breakfast hits your nose, rousing you from your slumber. There he stands, in his nightclothes with his back to you, as he cooks you a glorious breakfast. He turns to smile at you as you get up, moving over to quickly give you a morning kiss on the cheek.  That is a morning with Obi-Wan. N - Nights (How are nights spent with them?) Just as heavenly as the mornings. They’re quiet, more often than not, but they’re still wonderful. Though just as rare as the mornings, if not rarer, you both spend the first part of the evening watching the sun set, before dining together, and finally ending up in each others arms, talking nonsense till you both find  slumber.  O - Open (When do they open up about themselves?) Usually late at night, a month or so into your relationship. It’s not about what most people would consider ‘secrets’, but to Obi-Wan these things are incredibly personal. He talks to you about the bond he had with his master, and how he felt when he lost him, he talks about how proud he is of Anakin, all of it. It takes a few weeks and countless late nights, but you’re both all the closer to one another for it.  P - Patience (How easily angered are they?) Man’s a Jedi. The King of patience. He doesn’t often get angry.  When he does, though... Yikes. He loses it. Thankfully his rage is almost never directed towards you. 

Q - Quizzes (How much do they remember about you?) He remembers everything you tell him, down to the last detail. You mention something as a throwaway comment? I guarantee you he’ll be doing or purchasing something  to do with that little throwaway line. Every detail goes into his head and never leaves.  R - Remember (Favorite memory with you?) A time he found you entertaining the younglings whilst waiting for you. You seemed so happy, your eyes sparkling and full of life, glinting as you laughed. He leant against the wall, just watching you as you played with them, letting them embrace their childhood for a little bit longer. It is something he’ll often play it over and over again in his head when he’s watching you sleep. 

S - Security (How protective are they?) Obi-Wan knows you have to fight your own battles, and he does try his best to let you do that, offering guidance if you need it. However, when he knows you’re out of your depth- whatever that may be- he will step in and defend you in whatever way he needs to.  T - Try (How much effort do they put in?) He puts in so much effort for you, trying to prove himself to you even though you constantly remind him he doesn’t need to. He also finds it his constant quest to make it up to you for not spending more time with you when in the Order. You tell him not to do that too, but he never seems to listen.  U - Ugly (What are their bad habits?) Apologising too much. For not spending enough time with you, for being late when he isn’t.. Little things. Little, pesky things. It started off sweet at first, but quickly you found it to be a little bit of a problem.  V - Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Not really that concerned. He keeps himself clean of course, he has more than enough decency for that, but he’s not really that fussed. He’ll pay more attention to small things- like the style of his hair or how he wears his robe- if he wants to impress you, but he’s not exactly vain. W - Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) Oh he would definitely feel incomplete without you. He misses you deeply when on missions- and even goes as far to use his holocom to contact you when far off and he can’t bear not hearing your voice anymore.  X - Xtra (Random HC) Obi-Wan is an absolutely divine cook. You want a meal that the canteens or cafeteria don’t do a good job on? Say no more, he shall provide for you. He’d cook practically anything for you, just to see you smile.  Y - Yuck (Things they don’t like either in general or a partner?) Obi-Wan isn’t particularly fussy when it comes to partners, however there is one thing that almost always has to be there. Manners. Otherwise, you may just have a few ettiquete lessons from Master Kenobi. Z - Zzz (Sleep habits)

Obi-Wan is usually a sound sleeper, and has a regular sleeping pattern. This pattern is only slightly taken off track when you sleep in the same bed as him, and he’ll spend at least half an hour running his hands through your hair as you sleep, admiring the blissful smile that crosses your lips. 

[pollyssecretlibrary]

“A Scoundrel of Her Own”, by Stacy Reid

I read this book from NetGalley in exchange for a fair and honest review. RELEASE DATE - DECEMBER 28th

This the 3rd  book of the “Sinful Wallflowers” series.

I gave this book 5 out of 5 stars.

“Lady Ophelia… Fifi… I’ve found you when I was no longer looking”.

This incredibly beautiful ‘friends to lovers’, ‘childhood sweethearts’, story starts like a fairytale. A 9 year old Lady Ophelia is traveling in a carriage with her governess when the bridge they are crossing collapses and the little lady falls into the river. There was a boy, 12 year old Niall, who witnessed the accident and jumped into the river to save her. The river was strong so the two children end up in the middle of nowhere, she’s hurt, they’re wet, he carries her… but they’re lost in a forest. They find a cottage and take shelter for several days, waiting for someone to find them. And very innocently they fall in love with each other, in their sweetness they make promises. But she is a lady of the ton and he’s no one, the son of a worker, he will never be allowed into her world and the marquess, her father, promises him he will never see her again. But promises are made for a reason, they will wait.

Fifteen years later Ophelia, who had been betrothed to some earl since childhood, is still unmarried. One day her father falls ill and thinking he’s on his deathbed makes a terrible revelation, yet he doesn’t tell her the full truth, and it’s not the only secret he’s keeping. Ophelia is now disguising as a singer trying to untie the knot that was presented to her. And she’s aware that while undercover, she has a ghost following her, protecting her. There’s a very powerful man who is looking after her, a ruthless man, a cold man. And his name is Devlin Byrne, he’s the little boy she knew once as Niall, who made himself a fortune trading secret and running gambling dens. He’s no longer a no one, he holds many secrets of the ton. But the most precious secret he keeps is her double identity, her quest and the love they once promised to protect.

Of course there’s a lot more to this story but I wouldn’t want to go deeper for I would like every reader to enjoy every turn and twist of the story. I want to keep Niall’s and Fifi’s secrets for they are theirs to unveil. Just, this story was amazing. I have read several books by Stacy Reid before and I have enjoyed them well enough, now this one is the first one that gets full rating, this is her best work to this day.

Stacy Reid has created an incredibly romantic story here, the most romantic of the stories I’ve read in 2021 and perhaps even longer than that. It was so well worded, so masterfully crafted, all of the characters grow so much. You see them so young, so innocent, so unaware of their circumstances, why would the world want to separate them? It made no sense! But the truth is, this is a cruel world, and it was crueler in the past. The circumstances of one’s birth would give them a specific place in society without a chance of ever moving from there. It’s hard, and unfair, but Devlin and Fifi are willing to fight for themselves and for their love. Because yes, this is a love story and a strong one at that, but both of them fight in their own way against the odds that were sent to them. She has loving parents who would never agree to see her married below her station and they’re unmoving about that. And he literally fights his way from the gutter to wealth, he starves, he pickpockets, he dances around the fine line between right and wrong, all to be worthy of her, all for her, knowing that it would probably be in vain. He will never be accepted in her world. They never give up their love, they’d give anything up, but not their love.

Niall Devlin Byrne is a dream of a man. He’s got this hard shield that he wears as his personality, he is notorious, he’s feared by people of all kinds in London. The upper world, the lower world and the underworld. But in reality he’s still that innocent boy who believed that love was enough, that he didn’t need anything else but his Fifi to be happy in life, just like his ma and da. He’s so protective, so caring, so comforting, and most importantly so supportive of her, helping her through financial troubles and through her quest, without questioning. She feels so trusting that she grows stronger and braver, because she knows that he will be there for her. And all that was delivered so well that I could almost touch it, it was real. That is Reid’s magic, she made this story real. Her writing is a force of nature and after reading her other books it felt like “Oh my god she’s blooming, this incredible writer is at her peak, it all lead here!”.

The book is incredibly sweet and romantic. And hot and steamy too. They really have an incredible chemistry, it’s electric, it’s raw, it’s… natural.

“Who would I be if I had not met you, Fifi? If I had not lost my damn senses and rushed to London?”

[dmsden]

Carfax Hargrimm’s Lost Tomb

Hullo, Gentle Readers. We’re going with one more spooky adventure for Halloween. And this time, we’re pulling out all the stops. This adventure is a bit of a reversal of a standard D&D adventure in a way, as the goal is to return a treasure to a dungeon. It is intended for 5 characters of level 5.

Background: Carfax Hargrimm was a knight loyal to the Margrave of Calengard 200 years in the past. He quested often, but he had one flaw - he fell in love with the wrong woman. He loved the Margrave’s daughter, and, although she loved him too, they loved chastely and from afar. The Margrave saw this growing affection, but he didn’t believe Carfax to be worthy of his daughter’s hand, so he sent him on increasingly dangerous quests. Carfax overcame all obstacles, and his popularity grew, until the Margrave began to believe Carfax sought the crown. He sent the knight out on one more quest, but, this time, he sent an ambush party to do away with him. Carfax was outnumbered, but he and his loyal retainers fought bravely, if futilely. He was slain, and his body was returned to the Margrave.

When he was searched, the Margrave found a letter written to his daughter. It was a letter full of loyalty to the Margrave, glad that he was being given another opportunity to show his mettle, and hoping that, someday, they could be wed. The Margrave realized how badly he had misjudged his loyal knight, and he was full of sorrow. He abdicated in favor of his daughter, who ruled wisely as Margrave for many years more. She had the bodies of Sir Carfax and his loyal men entombed in a secret location so that they would never be disturbed.

The adventure begins as the PCs are encamped for the night. They probably hear someone crashing through the undergrowth behind them, and they soon find themselves embroiled in something spooky!

“Room” 1: The Campsite: The figure crashing through the underbrush is Landyn Humphries, a halfling with bandit stats. He staggers in and begs the PCs to protect him. It’s possible, of course, that they accidentally (or purposefully, depending on your PCs) kill him before they get a chance to figure out what’s going on. In this case, they’ll find he has a small cameo brooch showing a beautiful woman’s profile. They’ll also find a journal that can be used to give the PCs an idea of what’s going on (see below).

Pursuing Humphries are 15 zombies. They will relentlessly crash through the undergrowth, attacking anything in their path. They are trying to recover the cameo, compelled by the will of the lord they served in life, Carfax Hargrimm.

“Room” 2: What’s Going On Here?: Humphries will beg them to help end the attacks. He at first claims to be innocent, but an Insight check quickly shows there’s more to this story than meets the eye. Landyn is terrified, and uses of Persuasion, Intimidation, and Deception may all be useful for getting him to spill the beans. He will finally admit that he was a fence for a group of adventurers who recently decided to plunder a local tomb...that of Carfax Hargrimm. A History check will tell Carfax’s sad story of love, loyalty, and betrayal, or Humphries can tell some of it.

Humphries tells them how the adventurers have been killed one by one, and how the last told him that he’d had a dream that only the cameo’s return to the Tomb and an apology being made to Hargrimm’s shade will send the undead back to rest. He’s not an adventurer himself, but he’ll promise them 4,000 gp and a potion of supreme healing if they’ll undertake this for him.

If the PCs have killed Humphries, the journal can provide much of the above information, but they will need to make Survival checks to track the zombies back to their place of origin. Obviously, they won’t get the reward he promised them either. If they’ve touched the cameo, however, the journal will make it clear that the undead will start to hunt them.

“Room” 3: Tomb Guardians: After locating the Tomb, they’ll find an entrance tunneled into the rocks. There is an empty room full of empty sarcophogi (where the zombies were...there are 15 of them if anyone thinks to ask). They’re all stone and carved in the images of noble warriors. A pair of locked stone double doors beyond leads deeper into the cliff face, and runes around the entrance ward undead from entering...which is also, ironically, why the undead inside haven’t been able to leave in search of the trespassers who stole the brooch.

Standing, as if in effigy, are four suits of armor, each holding a longsword at rest position. If anyone touches the inner door, they animate, becoming four animated armors and four flying swords. They will attack ruthlessly, but, if the door is opened (via magic or picking the lock), they will all collapse in a heap of tangled metal.

“Room” 4: The Master of the House: Beyond the door is the burial chamber of Carfax Hargrimm and his two most loyal henchmen. Their stone sarcophagi are all open, the lids pushed aside. Inside, Carfax is sitting on a stone seat, his men flanking him. Carfax has the statistics of a revenant, and his two men are mummies. He is furious with the grave robbery that stole the symbol of his lost love, Arianna. He wants to rage and destroy everything he can, but he pauses if someone is returning the cameo to him. “Explain to me why I shouldn’t kill you, that wretched little rodent you’re protecting, and the entire village where he lives for this desecration.”

This is a skill challenge, where the PCs must gain 8 successes before having 3 failures. If they fail, Carfax’s rage overcomes him. “I will hear no more of your lies. Defend yourselves!” He will attack until he is destroyed, but this won’t stop him, as he will rise again, and more undead will come...unless the cameo is placed back in the sarcophagi and a sincere apology is given. If they succeed, Carfax is assuaged and will return to his rest. Some skills that could be useful include:

History: To recall the name if his true love and the details of their doomed romance. Mentioning specifics about this will make him sorrowful, but they will remind him that he was a good person, who was loved by a good person, and that he doesn’t wish to do evil.

Persuasion: This could be useful if the PC talks to him about unfair punishments or misjudged deeds, things that he has personal reason to not over-react about. It could also point out that Humphries is not the one who stole the cameo, and that he’s making efforts to make right what his cohorts did.

Deception: This could be used to convince him Humphries is dead, and they are returning the cameo in his place. This might make him think that there is no more reason to continue his quest for revenge.

Intimidation: This is likely useless. It’s difficult to threaten the dead, especially if they know they can return, again and again.

Insight: This could help read Carfax, to note that he is still a being of nobility, honor, loyalty, and love. He may be acting the enraged, wronged figure, but he is a good person at heart.

Performance: There are several songs about the love and betrayal story at the heart of this situation. A bard or other character may perform one, showing Carfax that his legacy lives on.

“Room” 5: The Escape: Once Carfax returns to his sarcophagus or is destroyed, the Tomb begins to bury its secrets. The PCs have three rounds to escape as it begins to rumble and crumble. If they linger to search for treasure, they will regret it. Each round after the third, the PCs must make a Dexterity saving throw or be hit by falling rubble for 11 (2d10) bludgeoning damage. Those who fail may become entombed along with the former undead.

Humphies will make good on the reward, and he will thank them for their aid. If the PCs fought Carfax, the Revenant could return again as something to plague the PCs for many nights to come.

[jekde04]

Say It Again

Pairing: Gruvia (Gray Fullbuster & Juvia Lockser)

Fandom: Fairy Tail

Genre: Romance

Word Count: 1718 words

You may also read it on FanFiction.net or Archive of Our Own!

They had to find a way to fit in the rundown inn, the only one big enough to accommodate all of them in the tiny town of Drameel. With the whole guild unexpectedly wounding up in the continent of Guiltina, they had to share beds if they wanted everyone to get a good night's sleep.

Natsu had already settled on Lucy's bed, despite the latter's complaints about not granting him permission to sleep there. In fact, she was already tucking herself beneath the covers beside him. Across them were Mira and Lisanna sharing another double bed, while Elfman -- with his sheer size -- had to have a bed of his own, no questions asked. Gajeel and Levy would have preferred a room of their own, but they contented themselves with the one at the corner. And before Gray could even ask, Erza had already hopped onto Wendy's bed, but not before shoving him a little towards the double bed right beside theirs, where a certain water mage was smoothing the sheets.

And that's how Gray ended up clutching a pillow to his bare chest, waiting for Juvia to finish plopping the mattress and dusting off the blanket. 

"The bed's ready, Gray-sama!" she happily exclaimed as she tucked herself into the blanket, squeezing to the double bed's right side to give Gray some space.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Juvia?" Gray asked one more time, though his tired body was longing to lie down on the soft mattress and drift off to dreamland. The thought of sleeping beside the beautiful blunette didn't seem half-bad, either.

"Of course, Gray-sama. Juvia is more than happy to sleep with you!" she happily exclaimed, hearts forming in her eyes. 

Gray's ears turned crimson. "We're not sleeping together! We're just sharing a bed, that's all," he said, turning his head away from her. He placed his pillow beside Juvia's and laid down on his side of the bed on top of the blanket; he doesn't really sleep with blankets on. 

"Whatever you say, Gray-sama," Juvia teased, lightly poking his bicep and giggling.

He heard a click and the room went dark, with nothing but the light from the moon streaming in from the windows beside Lucy's bed. There was a small, "Goodnight!" from Mirajane, and everything went silent except for Natsu and Elfman's snores. 

Gray's body felt so tired, but somehow his mind couldn't get to sleep -- not when he was so close to Juvia he could practically hear her breathe. Even though they weren't touching, Gray could feel the nerves on his left arm tingle, painfully conscious of the warm, soft body just a few inches away.

And then he heard a whisper. "Gray-sama?"

Gray turned his head towards Juvia and found himself looking at her navy blue orbs, the faint moonlight gently illuminating her face. Their faces were so close together, he could feel Juvia's breath against his cheeks.

"Juvia wants to thank you for protecting her from Metro," she whispered, a small smile gracing her lips.

He was glad his face was turned away from the window so Juvia could only make out his silhouette. Otherwise, she would have seen the blush creeping on his face and the small smile that tugged his lips just a tiny bit.

"It's no big deal," Gray whispered back. When it came to Juvia, he knew that he would move heaven and earth to keep her safe.

Juvia turned her body to face him completely, making the hairs on his arm prickle once again. But instead of looking at him, she bowed her head, as if avoiding his gaze. He could barely make out what she said next in a low voice.

"Juvia knows Gray-sama probably doesn't want to talk about this, but Juvia really wants to hear it again. Even for just one time."

He frowned. "Hear what?"

She looked up at him, her big beautiful eyes locking with his. "What you said a while ago when you were trying to save Juvia." Even in the darkness, he could see the faint red stain on her pale cheeks. "That Juvia is y-your, your..." she trailed off, but there was an expectant look in her eyes.

Damn it, Gray cursed himself. He really didn't know what came over him during the fight that he had to utter those cheesy words. 

Not that they weren't true, of course. Since their fight with Invel, Gray had known that there was nothing in this world that he wouldn't do to protect Juvia. Way before that, his body had been acting of its own accord to keep her safe, even if he didn't fully understand it. 

It was just that he wouldn't be caught dead saying those words right in front of Juvia, not when he was not yet ready to confess to her. After all, he joined this quest to become stronger for her, and right now, he was not yet that man. He still didn't deserve her.

"Gray-sama? Please?"

But every moment trying to suppress his feelings had been a struggle, Gray had to admit. That was what he realized when he finally admitted to himself that he was in love with her, and boy, was it a huge mistake. 

Whenever he was with Juvia, his feelings seemed to want to seep out from every pore of his body and reach out to her. He couldn't control how his eyes would automatically search for her when he entered the guild, or how his body would ever so slightly turn to her when they talk, or how his arm physically ached just by having her near -- and only when Juvia would wrap her arms around his would the ache subside. 

Things were easier when she was all the way back in Magnolia, even though he spent most of his free time thinking of her and the many ways she would tackle him to the ground with her big bear hugs while shouting "Gray-samaaa!" in her usual overzealous way.  At least, with so much distance between them, there was no danger of him suddenly blurting out his feelings for her. 

But now that Juvia's here -- and so painfully close, goddammit -- it's getting harder and harder for Gray not to just sweep her in his arms and whisper in her ear how she's his power to live. Ugh, I can't believe I said it out loud, he thought as he felt his cheeks warm.

"Goodnight, Gray-Sama. Juvia will sleep now."

He couldn't help but notice the dismay in her voice as she started to shift her body away from him. But before she could do so, he grabbed her shoulders and found himself looking straight at her wide, astonished eyes. She gasped, her lips parting slightly at his sudden movement.

Oh, what the hell, he thought. He took a big gulp.

"You're... You're..."

Damn it, why is this so incredibly hard?

"... You still need that CPR?"

Juvia's brows furrowed. "CPR?"

"Yup. This."

He leaned towards her and captured her lips in a soft kiss. Juvia tensed for a moment before she let herself relax into his embrace. 

He had been trying so hard to suppress his feelings for her, and for what? He had already blurted it out a while ago, and even pressed her body against him and told her how relieved he was that she was safe.

Surely she knew, and there should be no doubt now, as his lips slowly caressed hers, one of his hands sliding from her shoulders to the crook of her neck and up her jaw, tilting her head slightly upwards so he can press his mouth just a little bit harder on her soft, plump lips.

After some time, Gray slowly pulled away, watching Juvia as she gently fluttered her eyelids open as if coming out from a daze. 

He couldn't help but smile. So beautiful.

"Is that CPR enough to shut you up now?" he whispered.

He could feel Juvia's body tense as she placed her hands on her mouth and suppressed a squeal from escaping. She buried her head into his bare chest, her breathing getting heavier and heavier and syncing with the crazy thumping of his heart. He felt Juvia's body getting warmer, making Gray smirk at the effect he had on her, but also hoping that she wouldn't start boiling like she did earlier.

It took a minute before Juvia was able to calm herself. She lifted her head once again to look at him, and under the light of the moon, he could see her doe eyes, pink cheeks, and slightly mischievous smile gazing back at him. 

"Juvia thinks she'll never stop asking Gray-sama to repeat those words if he'd always give her CPR."

Gray chuckled. He fell right into her trap! But he didn't mind it in the slightest, as he'd fallen for her a long time ago -- long before he realized it.

"Well, I guess I have no choice, then."

Juvia smiled, brighter than the moonlight striking her beautiful face, and he felt his heart swell. "Gray-sama?"

"Yes?"

"Say it again to Juvia, please."

Without a word, Gray leaned down and kissed Juvia again, this time a bit deeper. He could feel her arms sliding over his shoulders as her hands made their way to his hair, her fingers brushing against his scalp. His hands found the small of her back and he pressed her closer to him, both of them careful not to make a sound.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that, bodies pressed against each other, mouths tied in a slow and passionate lip lock. When they finally went up for air, Gray pressed his forehead against hers and gave her another quick peck.

Gray slipped his other arm under Juvia so she could rest her head against his chest. One of her arms wrapped around his torso, while the other curled in front of her, her open palm resting on his chest. 

Gray always liked lying on his cold bed, sprawled without blankets with nothing but his boxers on. But tonight, he didn't mind the warm, soft body clinging to him, the smell of petrichor filling his senses and lulling him to sleep.

He could definitely get used to this.

Author’s Note: Here’s my contribution to Gruvia Day 2020! As you can see, this is my first Tumblr post (yes, I made one just to follow Gruvia content), and my first fanfic after a loooooong time. 

I’m new to the Fairy Tail and Gruvia fandom, thanks to the pandemic that kept me stuck at home for months. I’ve been reading lots of Gruvia fanfics to cope and keep my sanity these past few months. 

Feel free to send me feedback because it’s been years since I last wrote fiction. For some reason, Gruvia summoned my muse back. :)

[silverarmedassassin]

Home For the Holidays (1)

Bucky x Reader | Words: 8,608 | Warnings: None 

A/N: Happy holidays and happy December 16! This is my holiday submission for @wonderlandmind4 Fall/Winter challenge. My prompt was: B is very enthusiastic to introduce A to all their traditions, but tries to be sensitive when A seems like they’re struggling to fit in/enjoy themselves. 

I’ve been working on this guy for so long, so I decided to split this up into two parts. Part two will be posted this weekend! I’m so happy to finally be sharing this bad boy with you all! If you feel so inclined, I would love to hear what you think. Happy reading!🎄

From the time he was a young boy, Bucky has had an aversion towards the elderly. Which is ironic considering since, technically speaking, he is the elderly now. It’s not that he doesn’t like old people; it’s just that they make him uncomfortable. Which is why, on a balmy Sunday in October, when he walks into the Brooklyn Manor nursing home, he feels his skin crawl.

This trip has been a long time coming. Two years on the run, a voluntary deep freeze, a universal war, and the obliteration of half the earth’s population and its subsequent return, to be exact. But no amount of time would ever prepare Bucky for the visit he was about to make. But it was “essential to his healing,” as Sam so often liked to say. This, along with therapy and the establishment of a place of his own outside of the Tower, was meant to help him move past what had happened to him, help him see that he was a victim and that people still loved him despite what he was forced to do for all of those years.

"Good morning," a cheery redhead says from her spot behind the front desk. "Can I he-" She cuts herself off when she looks up from the computer screen and sees who is looming over her.

"Er, hi," Bucky says, suddenly convinced this is a terrible idea. He should expect nothing less, considering his line of work, both current and past. "I was told Rebecca Proctor lives here..."

It took a second for the woman to register what Bucky had said, but then she jumps into action and begins to type into her computer. "Of course! Are you a relative?"

"Brother."

Her eyes go wide for a second before it clicks. "Oh my goodness, of course." The woman grabs a sticky note from the pad next to her keyboard and scribbles down a series of numbers before handing it to him. "Her room number is 117. This is the code to get into the residence portion of the building. If you need help finding the room, there should be a nurse's station in every hall."

Bucky offers a tight smile and nod of appreciation as he takes the slip of paper from the woman. As he makes his way deeper into the facility, he can feel his nerves waxing and waning with each step. He shouldn't be nervous. It was just Becca, just his little sister, one of the last living ties to his life before all of this. But it had been so long, who knew if she would even recognize him?

When Bucky recruited Sam to help him find out where, or even if, his sister was living, he figured it would be a fruitless quest. He was surprised, however, when Sam came to him a week later with the address of the building he was currently attempting to navigate, shyly dipping his head every time he would pass an older woman in a wheelchair or a group of men concentrating on a board game. Sam had managed to hunt her down with a little help from his Avenger title. The nurse couldn't give him much information since he wasn't a relative or listed on her medical files, but what she could share broke Bucky's heart.

At 102 years old, technically a little less since she was a Snap victim, Becca's memory was less than stellar. Her children had made the tough decision to place her in a home after her mind had started to slip, and she was no longer able to care for herself. It makes Bucky feel guilty because he wasn't around to help.

But today, hopefully, that would change.

After a little wandering and a helpful point from a nurse, Bucky finds himself standing in front of the oversized, thick oak door with a golden plaque in the center proudly displaying "117." He waits a moment, listens for any sign that someone is in the room, but all he hears are the general noises of a nursing home just after lunchtime. He raises his hand to knock but stops short of making contact. Should he knock? What if she’s sleeping? He wouldn't want to wake her. He decides to slowly press the door open instead.

He enters the room slowly, unsure of what he will be greeted with when he reaches the end of the short hall blocking his view from his sister's bed. What he sees, however, thoroughly surprises him. Instead of finding a small, frail body lying in a too-sterile hospital-grade bed, he finds his sister sitting in one of the two armchairs in front of her window, quietly looking out into the garden just outside. After a moment of shifting back and forth on his feet, Bucky clears his throat in an attempt to catch Becca's attention.

The woman slowly turns her head to eye the intruder, and, to Bucky's amazement, a slight look of recognition flashes across her face. Despite her age and sunken appearance, her bright blue eyes still shine as brilliant as they did when she was a little girl. He focuses on those eyes as he slowly crosses the room to her.

"Hey, Becca. Do you," Bucky grimaces as the falter in his voice caused by the tears that are starting to form in his own blue eyes. "Do you know who I am?"

To save his sister from having to crane her frail neck to look up at him, he settles himself into the chair across from hers. The smooth velvet is cool on his overheated skin, and he could sink into the feeling of comfort it gives him. Another piece of home, he thinks as a picture of his family's home flashes across his mind, the two chairs nestled in a similar position to how Becca has them now.

Rebecca studies her brother for a moment before a thin but bright smile spreads across her aged features, and Bucky lets out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. "You're from the pictures. Just over there."

Bucky watches as a boney finger points to the dresser, the top neatly cluttered with picture frames and trinkets, a sign that his sister had lived a full and happy life after he'd gone. He gets up and makes his way to the piece of furniture to better look at the mixture of black and white and colored photos scattered together. It's strange, he thinks, seeing his sister's life play out across the years in the span of just a few short seconds. When he lands on a black and white photo in an aged frame, he freezes. Smiling back at him are his parents, Bucky himself sitting in front of them on their home's front steps, and Becca nestled snugly in their mother's arms. From when they first brought her home, Bucky thinks to himself as he reaches out and caresses the delicate glass. He moves on to another older photo, this one depicting the two Barnes children dressed in their Sunday best with a scrawny Steve Rogers thrown into the mix. Bucky shakes his head at the sight of his best friend, remembering all the trouble he used to get the two of them in.

The last photo he sees, though, causes a lump to rise and settle in his throat. Frozen in time in the cracked and fading film is the last time he ever saw his family. Bucky, Rebecca, and their parents stand on the dock just in front of the boat he was to ship off on. Becca and his mother have a tight grip on him, and his father only offers a tight smile to the camera. Looking at the image of his younger self, not too different from what he looks like now, is a heart-wrenching moment. The man in that photo has yet to see death first-hand, feel the visceral need to kill or be killed. That man was still innocent, naive to the world, and convinced he was invincible.

Bucky remembers that day and how, despite the nerves, excited he was to see someplace other than dinghy Brooklyn. Yeah, that war wasn't one he signed up to fight, but he'd made a promise to himself he would do what he needed to keep his ma and sister safe.

As he reaches for the frame, a soft knock on the door startles him from his thoughts. "Mrs. Proctor!" a sweet voice sing-songs as the door is pushed open once again. "I hope you didn't fill up at lunch. I brought-Oh!"

Standing in the doorway, both hands full of reusable bags filled to the brim with goodies of all sorts, is a young woman. Her smile, one of the prettiest Bucky's ever seen, he thinks, falters just a little when she sees his towering form taking up so much space in Becca's room. However, she recovers quickly and nudges the door shut behind her as she makes her way deeper into the room.

"I didn't know you were expecting company this afternoon," the woman says and deposits the bags onto the bed. "Who is this?"

Bucky studies the woman in an attempt to figure out who she is to his sister. She couldn't be a daughter or granddaughter, right? She looked nothing like them. Plus, she was calling her Mrs. Proctor. Bucky also felt confident in his ruling that she was not a nurse or staff member at the facility, considering she wasn't wearing scrubs or donning a facility badge.

The only indication that she even belongs in this facility is the sticker she wears proudly just above her heart, with "Y/N" scrawled in bright red letters.

"The pictures," Becca finally says with a smile, pointing towards Bucky. "He's from the pictures."

Their visitor looks between Bucky and Rebecca with a soft look somewhere between pity and a faint sense of joy. "Bucky," the frail old woman says, and Bucky instantly feels the lump that had settled into his throat not ten minutes earlier begin to grow again.

Y/N must sense the energy shift in the room because she quickly pulls out a few homemade goodies wrapped in cellophane and places them on the rolling table next to Becca's bed. "Well, I'll let you be with your visitor, Mrs. Proctor," she says as she shoulders her bags again. "I'll see you Tuesday evening, okay?"

Becca simply nods as she watches the younger woman make her exit, then shifts her attention to Bucky as he steps back towards her and crouches down.

"Bec, you remember me?"

She says nothing at first but brings her hand up to rest on Bucky's freshly shaved cheeks, a fresh set of tears gathering in their twin blue eyes. "You came back."

Bucky sits with his sister for two hours after they reacquaint themselves. The nurse that spoke with Sam was right; it was difficult to be around her, as she often slipped up with her memory. She couldn't remember the names of her grandchildren, nor her great-grandchildren, but when she saw their smiling faces looking back at her in the pictures, she knew they belonged to her. Her fragile mind, however, seemed to favor older faces and memories. She could recall events from when she was a teenager and even got some details right from when Bucky shipped off. The remembrance came with a repeat of the same stories two or three times, but Bucky didn’t mind. He was never around to bear witness to some of these stories, and it was just good to hear his sister’s voice again.

It's around 3 o'clock when Rebecca begins to grow tired, and so Bucky takes that as his cue to take his leave. He helps his sister into her bed for a pre-dinner nap, then quietly makes his exit when he is sure she is fast asleep. For a visit he was hesitant to make, he can't think of a better way to have spent his Sunday afternoon.

As Bucky makes his way back through the winding halls of the facility, a jaunty tune he recalls from his teenage days plays through his head, and he feels like he could face the world if needed, which is why he finds himself doing the unimaginable as he reaches the redhead at the front desk.

“Excuse me,” he says with a renewed sense of confidence that had been absent earlier in the day. “I don’t know if you can give me this information, but there was this woman...Y/N I think her name is. I don’t think she was a nurse, but maybe someone else that works here? Would you be able to tell me if she was still around?”

The woman smiles gently back at him but shakes her head. “We’re such a large facility, I’d need to see a face to know exactly who you’re talking about.”

There’s a momentary lapse in his confidence, realizing just how weird the question could come off. He’s suddenly very glad she had no idea who he was talking about and hopes she doesn’t mention it to anyone else.

“Uh, thanks anyway,” he mutters as he gives a small nod. “Have a good rest of your day.”

Oh well, he thinks to himself, at least I could make it out my door this morning.

The Snap impacted each and every person differently. While most think the Vanished had it the worst, people tend to forget about those left behind. Many lost their jobs due to closures and shortages, others were evicted due to insufficient funds for rent. The uncertainty of it all, the not knowing what happened to family and friends, not knowing when you’d find your next job, if you’d have money to buy groceries this week, took a harder toll on some than others.

You had been a relatively fortunate one. Since moving to the city, you hadn’t quite made a large group of friends yet, which meant there were fewer people for you to lose. Your family had somehow lucked out as well. Due to an abundance of workers suddenly gone without a trace, you’d been able to snag a corporate position that you managed to hold onto even after the Snap was reversed.

However, the one downside was the aftermath of families coming back to their homes only to find that someone new was living in their space. That, unfortunately, happened to you. Two days after everyone reappeared, you had a knock on your front door. When you opened it, you found a lovely couple who had just been married before the Snap and had just started renting the apartment you were living in. And, even though you’d called this building your home for the past five years, you did what any half-decent individual would do and moved out. Goodbye state-of-the-art gym and central location, hello paper-thin walls, and a forty-five-minute one-way commute.

At least you were able to take a few days off of work to get your belongings out of the old apartment and into the new one. Most of the larger furniture had been the couple’s, which meant you only had to carry a few pieces into your second story Brooklyn brownstone apartment. The problem, however, was that there was no elevator in this renovated building, which meant you had to find a way to carry your low-quality Ikea TV stand up the too-narrow stairs without busting a wall or your furniture. The only thing you were close to bursting was a nerve because it was turning out to be more of a two-person task, and you were the only one participating in this moving process.

“Fuck you,” you groan as one of the stand’s legs gets caught on the stairs again. Despite the chilly breeze that was blowing in from the building’s front door you had propped open, you were perspiring more than would be deemed ladylike. With the rate you were going, you would need to need to take another full day off just to get your stupid furniture into your apartment.

“Do you need some help?” a voice calls from above you. You peek over your shoulder to find a rather tall, rather bulky man standing at the second-floor landing. It hadn’t even occurred to you that people might actually need to use the stairs to, you know, go about their daily lives. What doesn’t go over your head, however, is the fact that the man standing at the top of the stairs was not a complete stranger like you originally thought, but someone you knew almost too well for not actually knowing him at all.

“That would actually be wonderful,” you huff out a laugh, attempting to be nonchalant about the fact that Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier - soldier turned assassin turned Avenger - was standing just feet away from you for the second time in twenty-four hours, this time in your new apartment building. Maybe this place wasn’t as safe as you had thought?

He makes his way halfway down the stairs, and you attempt to shimmy out of the way so that he can grab the corners you had been holding up. “If you could just get this thing back down the stairs, I could-” Your meager offering of help is cut short when Bucky manages to slot his arms into place and life the entire piece like it was nothing. A metal arm will do that to someone, you suppose.

You awkwardly direct him to your apartment, shoving open the door to 2B and waving your arm to give him a vague idea of where you want the stand. “Thank you. You’re a lifesaver. I thought for sure I was going to have to take the thing apart to get it up here.”

“It’s no problem, really,” Bucky says as he stuffs his hands into his jacket’s pockets, the stiff leather shifting and rubbing as he does so. When he looks at you for the first time, his bright blue eyes light up even more with recognition. “Hey, you were visiting my sister’s place the other day.”

“I was,” you laugh as you extend your hand. “I’m Y/N.”

There’s a brief moment of hesitation before a warm, leathered hand slips into yours. “Bucky,” he says as if you wouldn’t already know who he is. "Do you, uh, need help bringing anything else up?"

You watch him as he slowly glances around your small apartment, void of much except for a few boxes and the stand he just carried up and your mattress you've yet to shimmy into the bedroom. “Oh! No,” you laugh, realizing how pathetic your new home looks at the moment. “I have movers bringing the rest of my things from storage tomorrow. But thank you, I really appreciate it.”

“It’s really no problem. If you, uh, ever need anything, I rent the unit above you. Not sure how often I’ll be home, but for whatever it’s worth,” he shrugs as you follow him back out your front door.

“I’ll keep it in mind. I guess I’ll be seeing you around?”

Despite his nod of agreement, you don’t see Bucky for another two weeks. You try not to let the unexplained but forewarned absence weigh on your thoughts. With the exception of listening for the creaks of his floorboards that never come and the brief visits with his sister, you find yourself doing everything you can to not fixate on the Grecian god of a man you have somehow come to call a neighbor.

It’s not until you receive a call from Rebecca’s daughter that you finally admit he was home.

“Oh, I’m...I’m so sorry…” you choke out when Mary informs you her mother had passed away in the early hours of the night. Despite having no real relation to the Proctor family, you’d known them for a handful of years due to your time spent at the nursing home. In that time, they’d come to be like family to you, so their loss affected you just as strongly as the passing of your own family member would. “Have you told her brother?”

“No. We have no way to contact him. I know he’d spent some time with Ma at the nursing home, so I left a message for them to pass the news and my number on if he came in or called. But I haven’t heard anything.”

“I actually have a way to reach him. I’ll tell him to give you a call, okay?”

When you get home the following day, you’re greeted by the sound of Bucky’s shower turning on. Five minutes later, it shuts off. You give him another ten before you make your way up to his apartment. The idea of telling this man, a practical stranger who you knew nothing about other than what you’ve read in books and seen on tv, that his sister passed away leaves you feeling nauseous. This isn't exactly what you pictured when you said you’d see him around.

He’s quick to answer his door. You’re taken off guard when his door is pulled open to reveal his broad chest covered in a blue Henley that is clinging to his still-damp skin. It takes you a moment to gather your thoughts and remember exactly why you were here.

“Is everything okay, Y/N?” he asks as you drag your eyes up to meet his own.

You clear your throat and shake your head in an attempt to gather your thoughts. “Uh, yeah. No? I’m sorry to bug you, but I, uh...You haven’t heard from Mrs. Pro-er, I mean Rebecca’s daughter, have you?” When he says no, you sigh. You knew that was the answer you were going to get, but a part of you still hoped you weren’t going to have to be the one to deliver this information. “Mary called me yesterday. She, uh...She wanted you to know...uh...Rebecca passed away...early yesterday morning…”

You can visibly see Bucky shift through several emotions - shock, grief, anger, to finally an almost expressionless mask. You unintentionally stiffen at the sound of metal shifting and grating together, which seems to break Bucky’s haze. You can tell he’s struggling to find words in that moment, so you continue on, hoping a coherent sentence will come out.

“I know I’m probably not the person you want to hear this news from, but I couldn’t really give her a way to contact you and...Here!” You shove your hand out towards him, the small piece of paper you wrote Mary’s number down on resting in your palm. “I told her I’d give you her number. So you could call her or whatever.”

Bucky just looks at the slip for a moment before you clear your throat. “Listen, I’m really sorry. I wi-”

“Thanks, Y/N,” he cuts you off and grabs for the paper. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to go call her.”

Before you can respond, Bucky is turning his back. “Yeah, okay,” you whisper to the dark oak of his door before making your way back down to your own apartment.

“The service was beautiful, Mary,” you say as you hug Rebecca’s daughter. “She would have loved it.”

“It’s all thanks to Bucky. He paid for everything.” Mary says as she sets her gaze over your shoulder. “Or, I guess Uncle Bucky is more appropriate to say…”

You turn and follow her gaze to where the man in question is, his great-great nieces and nephew using him as their personal jungle gym. You can tell, even from across the room, that his face is absolutely glowing, eyes crinkled in the outer-corners with delight as Bridget, the youngest of the bunch, wraps her tiny arms around his neck and demands a horsey ride.

“I’m glad they’re taking it so well,” Mary says as she watches her grandchildren. “It’s almost like he’s been a part of their life this entire time instead of just appearing out of nowhere.” There’s no hostility in her voice when she says this. Rather, she sounds remorseful. “I went my entire life hearing stories about my uncle. My dead uncle. Yet, after all these years, he shows up looking exactly like he does in the pictures I’ve been looking at since I was a little girl.”

You felt for Mary and the rest of the family. You couldn’t begin to comprehend how difficult and confusing it must be to find out that the man you’d come to know as just a ghost story was alive and real and more than willing to be a part of even the most difficult moments in life. It’s a testament, you think, to how good of a man Bucky really is. Despite the horrors of his past and the apprehension he’s likely still faced with every day, he’s still willing to put himself out into a world that has been less than kind to him.

As if your thoughts summon him, Bucky looks up and over to where you are standing. When he catches your eye, his smile grows. You’re sure there has never been anything as beautiful as Bucky Barnes flashing a megawatt smile at you. “At least you’re in good hands.”

You decide not to stick around for the luncheon after the service so, after snagging a few refreshments and a quick chat with a few of the family members you recognize, you begin to inch your way closer to the exit. You hadn’t seen Bucky since you’d spoken with Mary, and you were in the middle of trying to figure out why that left you with a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re abruptly stopped on your way to the doors.

“You can’t leave before I get the chance to apologize for the other day,” Bucky says, a small smile gracing his face. He cleans up well, you decide as you get a better look at his lightly stubbled face. He has his hair tied back in a neat, low bun, which allowed his eyes to stand out more than they usually did, and a black-on-black suit is stretched just right over his broad chest. If you didn’t know better, you would think he was a model on loan to add some cheer to the rather dreary day.

Bucky quirks his head and shifts his body weight when it takes you a bit too long to answer, and it’s only then that you realize you’re ogling him. His sister just died, Y/N, you chastise yourself, this is not the time to be checking him out.

“I, uh,” you clear your throat, hoping he can’t feel the heat that is rapidly clawing up your neck radiating from you. “I don’t want to intrude on family time,” you say rather lamely. It was true, but for whatever reason, Bucky left you feeling almost guilty.

He lets out a humorless laugh and crosses his arms. “If anyone is intruding, I think it’s me,” he says as he looks over your shoulder back into the banquet room the rest of the family is in.

You turn to follow his line of sight and can’t help but smile when you see one of his great-nieces twirling around, showing off her dress. “Nah, don’t say that. The little ones seem to love you,” you laugh, hoping to lighten the mood just a little.

Bucky chuckles and then sighs. “Yea, but I just...don’t feel like I belong.”

Hearing Bucky, this man who had his entire life ripped from him multiple times, who, after spending just a few short hours in total with, you ardently believed deserved every good thing in the world and then some, say that he feels he doesn’t belong among those who are supposed to love him most broke your heart. You know that it’s likely untrue that Rebecca’s family was anything but unwelcoming, but that Bucky even felt that way caused a pit to open in your stomach.

“Oh, Bucky…” you say softly, trying to avoid sounding full of pity. “I’m so sorry this all has happened to you.” He averts his gaze and shrugs. “You know what? I could probably stay for a little while longer…”

At that, Bucky looks back at you, eyes as bright as when his own sister recognized him on that very first day. You knew then that, no matter what, you’d do anything to keep that look on his face.

“I promise it won’t be for nothing. They have a ton of food, and I guess there are some famous deviled eggs that, not to sound awful but...are to die for.”

You stifle a laugh and shake your head as Bucky leads you back into the banquet room, excitedly rambling on about the various food items his relatives have to offer. After piling your plates full and grabbing a coffee, you follow Bucky to a small table conveniently tucked away in the corner. Over the next hour, you watch Bucky’s perfectly constructed walls begin to crumble just a little. You quickly uncover which topics make him uncomfortable, particularly those revolving around his current line of work and those he can talk about endlessly. You learn the ins and outs of what it was like being friends with Captain America before he was the size of a brick house. You also discover that Bucky is someone you could listen to talk for hours on end.

“I don’t think it ever came up,” Bucky says as he takes a seat back at the table, two fresh cups of coffee in hand, “how did you know my sister?”

You hum your thanks and take a sip before answering. “Well, a few years ago, or I guess a few years before the Snap, I started volunteering at the nursing home. You’d be surprised how many families just shove their parents or grandparents in those homes and forget about them. They get lonely and just want someone to talk to that isn’t a nurse or whatever. It got worse during those five years. Rebecca never really needed me to sit with her; her family visited all the time. However, she was still one of my favorite residents.

“She talked about you all the time, you know. Even when she couldn’t remember her own children’s names, she always had a story to tell about you. She was immensely proud of you.” Bucky grunts, and you playfully roll your eyes at him. “She was a good storyteller. Sometimes it was hard to tell if she was trying to pull my leg or not. She...she was something else, but she’s going to be dearly missed.”

A somber sort of silence falls between the two of you then. It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s the kind charged with a unique sense of melancholy. It’s so strange, you think, to share a common heartbreak with someone you still barely know. Loss and grief have a curious way of bringing those once unknown together.

“Uncle Bucky,” a high-pitched squeal cuts through the moment and brings with it the excited, flushed face of an excited great-niece. “Uncle Bucky, I made you something!”

Bridget worms her way up onto Bucky’s lap, a piece of paper with her hand traced to look like a turkey in its center. “To Unkle Bucky, Luv Bridget” was written sloppily across the top.

You watch as Bucky’s expression goes from one of strain to that of absolute joy. “Thank you so much,” he smiles as he takes the paper and examines it as if it were a piece on display at the Louvre. “I know exactly where I’m going to hang this as soon as I find a frame.”

The little girl, who bears a striking resemblance to her long-lost great-uncle, beams as she wraps her arms around his neck and squeezes. You catch Bucky’s eye, causing him to break into an even wider smile. You hope he can see how truly and unconditionally he is loved.

You watch as she scrambles off back to where her brother and cousin are sitting, coloring away. You nod at the sweet drawing. “Planning on spending Thanksgiving with them?”

Bucky smooths his hand over the paper in front of him and thinks for a moment. “They invited me. I guess they, we, have family in Indiana that they usually visit for the holiday. I just...I don’t think so. I don’t want to be that far from where I’m needed most, and I think meeting a whole new set of family would be a bit much, ya know?”

You hum in response, fully understanding the dilemma. It’s unfortunate, though. “Well, I’m sure I could never compete with a real home-cooked meal, but I’m staying home because I don’t...really agree with the holiday and will be heating up a nice frozen turkey TV dinner if you would like to join. I might just throw in a pumpkin pie, too.”

Bucky looks up then, a soft, small smile turning up the corners of his lips. “Thanks, Y/N, really. But I’m not sure. Might not even be home,” he shrugs.

“Well,” you say as you look at the time on your phone, “the offer stands just in case you change your mind. But, hey, I think it’s time for me to leave for real now. I have some work to catch up on before I go back to the office tomorrow.”

You can tell he’s disappointed, but Bucky offers to walk you out anyway. He wants to stay and help his family clean up, or he would offer to walk you home. You make your rounds to say goodbye to the family you were familiar with and, when you reach the kiddie table to say goodbye, Bucky’s great-nephew Jackson refuses to let you go.

“Will I ever see you again even though we can’t come to visit Grammy no more?” he wails as he buries his little face into your stomach.

“Jackson, please,” his mother says as she comes to diffuse the situation. The little boy lets out one last sob into your dress before letting his mother pull him into her arms. “Y/N will still be around,” she smiles mischievously, directing her gaze over your shoulder to where Bucky waits at the front doors. “I’m almost sure of it.”

You can feel the heat of embarrassment as it claws up your neck, and you quickly give another round of hugs and goodbyes to the children before heading back to Bucky. “Is everything alright,” he asks as he hands you your coat.

“Fine. Jackson is just…” you slip on your coat and refuse to meet Bucky’s probing eyes, “dramatic sometimes.”

The weeks following Rebecca’s funeral saw Bucky locked away in his apartment. Calls from Sam and Wanda went unanswered, and the curtains were scarcely opened. He’d even ignored your attempts of delivering some semblance of comfort. The pasta dish you dropped off was left mostly untouched in his fridge, and he’d only managed to eat half a slice of a pumpkin pie you’d left for him on Thanksgiving. He knew that hiding away was doing nothing for his mental health, would do nothing to help him move past the loss and pain, but it was all he knew. How he reacted was all he could control, and Bucky liked to be in control.

His control, like most things in his life, came to an end far too quickly when Sam decided he’d finally had enough. Bucky knew that he couldn’t hide from his friends forever, but he would have liked to come out on his terms.

“Man, I know you’re in there,” Sam shouts as he knocks on the door of Bucky’s apartment. He’d been there for five minutes now, and, at this point, Bucky was testing to see how long he could keep the man waiting. “Seriously, Buck, open the door, or I’ll use Redwing to knock it down. And I won’t pay for repairs or reimburse your security deposit.”

Bucky sighs before hauling himself off of the couch. “What?” he deadpans as he opens the door. It takes everything in him not to slap the toothy grin off of Sam’s amused face.

“I was beginning to think I was going to have to call the Smithsonian - tell them to get your exhibit ready because, as far as any of us knew, you were dead,” Sam says as he pushes past Bucky into the apartment.

“What do you want?” Bucky asks again as Sam looks around the scarcely decorated apartment. From the discontent on his face, Bucky could tell Sam was less than thrilled with the state of his apartment. It was dark, the only furniture being a couch, a small coffee table, and an old TV he’d stolen from the Tower. Not exactly what one would consider a "space of their own."

“Listen,” Sam says as he moves to push open the curtains, “you’ve spent enough time locked up in here. You need to get out, see the sun, get some air. Plus, Wanda misses you, and that spider kid has been coming around asking for you.” Bucky grimaces at that. Peter Parker had asked his fair share of questions about his arm, and Bucky didn’t feel like entertaining the teenager anymore.

“Don’t give me that look,” Sam continues as he flops down on the couch. “Go get dressed. You can hang out with the crew for a few hours today. I promise if you have the worst time of your life, I’ll let you sit in your own filth and wallow for the foreseeable future, okay?”

After a moment of contemplation, Bucky agrees. Despite his dwindling interest in seeing anyone outside of his own reflection, he knew that seeing his friends - his chosen family of mix-matched misfits - would make him feel at least a little better. So, he allows Sam to tidy up the apartment, put away the dishes Bucky has been neglecting, and open the rest of the windows while he goes to get dressed. Bucky will never admit, however, just how much lighter he felt when he emerged from his room to the man he reluctantly called his best friend, smiling back at him.

December creeps up in a flurry of deadlines and personal obligations. The two-week break your company gave you every holiday season was a welcomed reprieve to the daily hustle and bustle of life, but it also meant long hours at the office in the weeks leading up to the holiday. Plus, the holidays were always a sour topic around the nursing home, as many of the residents were left to their own devices instead of being a part of family celebrations. That meant, in addition to staying until six or seven o’clock at work, you were spending hours afterward crafting decorations, cards, and personalized goodies for each of the residents you visited each week. This all, understandably, left you with little to no free time.

So, when the first of the month came rolling in, and you were yet to have played a single Christmas song or even thought about pulling your tiny table-top tree from storage, you felt deflated. You’d never been so thankful for online shopping and overnight shipping because, by Saturday afternoon, you had a brand new artificial Christmas tree waiting for you on your building’s front steps. In your excitement of getting into the holiday spirit, however, you completely overlooked just how you were going to get this tree up your narrow stairwell. It was like moving day all over again, except for this time you were sure a knight in shining vibranium armor was not going to show up to save the day.

To your dismay, you hadn’t seen Bucky since his sister’s funeral a month ago. It’s not like you hadn’t tried to make contact. You had prepared him a small meal the day after and had even left him half of the pumpkin pie you picked up from the market down the block. The only way you could tell he was even inside his apartment was the fact that, when you went back up to check, the items were gone. That or one of your other neighbors had taken them for themselves. Either way, you were missing Bucky. Even though you’d only had one proper conversation the entire time you’ve known him, you enjoyed just knowing Bucky was around. The thought of him suffering to any extent made your heart twist into unmanageable knots.

You sigh as you prop the building’s front door open, bringing your attention back to the task at hand. You were strong and independent, and you were more than capable of getting this hefty box up to your apartment. With that mindset in tow, you’re pleasantly surprised to turn around and find Bucky and another man making their way towards the building.

“He’s alive,” you exclaim, unable to hide the smile that blooms across your face. You’d feel embarrassed at the overexcitement that laced through your greeting, but you were genuinely happy to see that he had been out of his apartment and with a suspected friend.

“Uh, hey, Y/N,” Bucky says as he looks down to his boot-clad feet. Despite his quiet demeanor and tendency to be closed off, you’d never seen Bucky so...shy.

So you turn your attention to the second man standing in front of you. “I’m Y/N,” you smile as you bound down the stairs to the men, hand out and waiting for Bucky’s friend to shake, “Bucky’s neighbor!” You hope that whatever icy tension that had settled over Bucky would thaw if you directed the spotlight away from him.

“Sam,” the man says as a toothy grin breaks across his face. “Bucky didn’t mention he had neighbors.”

“It’s an apartment building, bird brain, of course I have neighbors,” Bucky mumbles as he buries his hands in his jacket pockets. He looks at you then or rather looks past you at the tall box leaning against the brick building. “What’re you up to?”

“Well, I just got a new Christmas tree delivered,” you say as you bite your lip and try to hide your desperation for help. “I was just getting ready to take it up.”

Bucky looks from you to the tree before settling his gaze on you. “Do you need some help,” he asks coyly.

You don’t even attempt to mask your smile as you guiltily nod your head. As Bucky turns to look at his friend, Sam puts his hands up. “Nah, man, I was getting ready to leave. Plus, heavy lifting is more your thing,” he says before looking at you. “Plus, Bucky is still learning how to play nice with others. And it’s my day off.”

You chuckle and playfully roll your eyes. “You better go relax, then. I’m sure a day off is rare for a superhero.”

As Sam starts backing up towards the way they came, he nods. “I like her, Buck. She really gets it. It was nice meeting you, Y/N!”

“Bye, Sam,” you wave as you watch him make his way down the sidewalk. “He seems really nice,” you say as Bucky hauls the tree box over his shoulder.

“He’s a pain in my ass,” he grumbles as he nods towards the front door.

All you can do is laugh and lead the way to your apartment.

“Thank you so much, Bucky,” you say as he finishes up pulling the faux tree from its too-small confines.

“It’s not a problem,” he shrugs and takes a step back to look at the tree. It’s in pretty rough shape, but once you’re done with it, no one will ever be able to tell it’s lived most of its life in a cardboard box. “You know, I haven’t had a Christmas tree since 1942.”

You stop shuffling around in the bin of ornaments and turn to look at him. “You’re joking,” you say, absolutely appalled. When Bucky shakes his head, you make a decision. “Stay and decorate with me, then.”

This obviously takes Bucky off guard, and before he can even attempt to come up with a reason to say no, you’re busting out your best pout, absolutely determined to share some holiday cheer with him this afternoon.

“Fine,” he sighs, but you can see the hint of a smile twitching on his lips.

You put Bucky to work immediately, pointing at boxes and bins full of ornaments, tinsel, and other holiday goodies. To your delight, he has quite the eye for placing ornaments, a skill he attributes to having a best friend who forced him into art classes and design lectures as teenagers. You’re almost certain he’s enjoying himself, a suspicion that is all but proven when he starts cheerfully humming along to the Christmas station you have playing on your phone.

“I’m really happy to see you out and about today,” you say as you hand him a sparkling orb to hang on one of the taller branches.

Bucky falters in his movements just a little before delivering the ornament onto its new home for the season. “I’m sorry I disappeared for a little bit…”

“Oh, Bucky,” you say as you place a hand on his metal forearm. You'd been surprised when he took his jacket off to reveal his metal arm with little more than the sleeve of his t-shirt covering it. You try not to think of the implications behind the small but seemingly intimate action. “Never apologize for how you grieve. We all process and deal with things differently.”

A moment passes in silence, though it’s not awkward. It’s simply a moment where both of you seem to process what was said. Surprisingly, it’s Bucky who breaks the silence. “That pasta thing you left me, that was really good,” he chuckles.

“Remind me, and I’ll write the recipe down for you. It’s one of my favorite comfort foods.”

Time passes easily with Bucky. Despite what Sam said early, Bucky is an excellent companion to decorate with. He cracks jokes every now and then and comments on your collection of antique ornaments. You even manage to get him to try some of that crockpot wine you had attempted to make earlier in the day. By dinner time, your tree is fully dressed and situated in its corner, and you’re tipsy on holiday cheer and alcohol. As you make your way towards the couch with a fresh glass in your hand, Bucky begins to hum along to Bing Crosby’s “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” as the beginning notes start to float through your apartment.

“God, I remember when this song came out,” he says quietly as you take your seat. “They played it nonstop at camp. Dunno what they were trying to do, raise our spirits, maybe? It just made me think about how Ma and Becca were going to be all alone that Christmas.” He pauses then, likely lost in the memory. You’re about to say something to pull him back from wherever he drifted off to when he adds, “I couldn’t help thinkin’ that this was a song I’d ask a girl to dance to, too.”

“I didn’t know you could dance,” you laugh as you set your wine glass down.

“Oh sweetheart, I had girls lining up outta the hall to dance with me back in the day. I wasn’t always so…” he turns to look at you and gesticulates with both arms to make his point, whatever that may be.

You squint your eyes in a challenging glare and stand. “You have to show me these moves, Bucky Barnes.” He opens his mouth to protest, but you quickly cut him off. “I’ll sing along if you don’t. I know you can hear the concerts I put on for my shampoo bottles in the shower. Save you and the neighbors the show, come on.”

Bucky gives you a mock grimace before giving in. You’re not sure if it’s the wine that’s causing time to feel so slow or if it’s the fact you want to savor the image of Bucky standing over you, flesh hand outstretched for you to take. You don’t question it, though, and simply step into his warm, welcoming embrace. It’s all too easy to melt into Bucky’s arms and allow him to guide you around your tiny living room.

A few moments pass with little more than Crosby’s melodic crooning drifting around the two of you. You hope that, despite how close you are, Bucky can’t hear how rapidly your heart is beating. When you finally muster the courage to look at him, you find that he was already looking at you. He squeezes your hand a little and gives you possibly one of the most tender smiles you’ve ever seen.

“Nice to know I still have it,” he exclaims as he winks, and you smile and shake your head before resting it on his shoulder.

When the song ends, Bucky ends his effortless glide across the antiqued hardwood floors, and you pull back from his chest enough so that you can look into his eyes. If your gaze lingers a little too long on his plump, pink lips, you’ll never admit. Despite the impossibly low lighting of the room, you can see the way Bucky’s crystal blue eyes sparkle and dance when they catch the lights from your tree.

“Thank you for helping me today,” you say, barely above a whisper.

“‘Course,” Bucky replies and, as the seconds pass, you’re pretty sure that he begins to lean towards you, eyes flicking between yours and your lips.

Just as you’re about to close the small distance, a disorienting ringing begins from somewhere. Bucky pulls away, irritation quickly taking over his expression. “Goddammit,” he practically growls as he pulls his phone from his pocket. “What, Sam?”

You watch as a range of emotions flash across Bucky’s face before a seriousness shadows his features. He barks out a gruff, “See you in a few,” before quickly ending the call. “We’re, uh, needed. Immediately.”

“O-oh,” you mummer, disappointed that he has to leave so quickly. You watch from where Bucky had stopped the two of you as he gathers his jacket and scrambles to put his boots on. He’s almost to your door when your brain finally catches up to what is going on, and, in that moment, you’re appreciative for how small your apartment is because you’re able to get to him before he is fully out of the apartment.

“Wait, Bucky,” you call as you grab for his arm. When he turns to look at you, you almost back out of what you’re about to say, but you persevere, knowing that the world will continue to turn if he rejects you. “Come to Christmas with me. My parents only live two hours away. We’re pretty low-key, no big party or anything. Please?”

Bucky considers you for a moment before he visibly softens and nods. “You know what, sure. That...that sounds great.”

You smile so wide when you hear him accept the invitation, something you thought for sure would be for not. Before you can even consider your actions, you’re leaning up to place a chaste kiss on his rough and prickly cheek. “Stay safe out there,” you say gently. Bucky simply nods, a blush begins to work it’s way up his neck.

You stand in your doorway until you hear the front door of your building click shut behind him. You’ll never confess to it, but when your own apartment door is securely shut behind you, you do an excited, happy dance.

[michaelbogild]

Quotes by Mahatma Gandhi

A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.

A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.

A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.

A man, whilst he is dreaming, believes in his dream; he is undeceived only when he is awakened from his slumber.

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.

A thousand candles can be lighted from the flame of one candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness can be spread without diminishing that of yourself.

Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.

An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does the truth become error because nobody will see it.

An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.

An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves.

Be the change that you wish to see in the world.

Compassion is a muscle that gets stronger with use.

Distinguish between real needs and artificial wants and control the latter.

Don't talk about it. The rose doesn't have to propagate its perfume. It just gives it forth, and people are drawn to it. Live it, and people will come to see the source of your power.

Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.

Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed.

Everyone holds a piece of the truth.

Fearlessness is the first requisite of spirituality. Cowards can never be moral.

Friendship that insists upon agreement on all things isn't worth the name.

God has no religion.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Hate the sin, love the sinner.

Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress.

I call him religious who understands the suffering of others.

I cannot conceive of a greater loss than the loss of one's self-respect.

I may be a despicable person, but when Truth speaks through me I am

I want freedom for the full expression of my personality.

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

If we are to reach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with the children.

In a gentle way, you can shake the world.

In doing something, do it with love or never do it at all.

In matters of conscience, the law of the majority has no place.

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.

invincible.

It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honored by the humiliation of their fellow beings.

It is easier to build a boy than to mend a man.

It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one's acts.

It seems to me as clear as daylight that abortion would be a crime.

it's easy to stand in the crowd but it takes courage to stand alone

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Love is the strongest force the world possesses and yet it is the humblest imaginable.

Manliness consists not in bluff, bravado or loneliness. It consists in daring to do the right thing and facing consequences whether it is in matters social, political or other. It consists in deeds not words.

Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you’re right and you know it, speak your mind. Speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth.

My Life is My Message

No one can ride on the back of a man unless it is bent.

Nonviolence is a weapon of the strong.

Nothing has saddened me so much in life as the hardness of heart of educated people.

Nothing is so aggravating as calmness.

Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment.

Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.

Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment.

Seek not greater wealth, but simpler pleasure; not higher fortune, but deeper felicity.

Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served. But all other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered in a spirit of joy.

Silence becomes cowardice when occasion demands speaking out the whole truth and acting accordingly.

Speak only if it improves upon the silence.

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.

The future depends on what you do today.

The greatness of humanity is not in being human, but in being humane.

The more efficient a force is, the more silent and the more subtle it is.

The path is the goal.

The seeker after truth should be humbler than the dust. The world crushes the dust under its feet, but the seeker after truth should so humble himself that even the dust could crush him. Only then, and not till then, will he have a glimpse of truth.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

There are many causes I would die for. There is not a single cause I would kill for.

There are no good-byes, where ever you'll be, you'll be in my heart.

There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

There are two days in the year that we can not do anything, yesterday and tomorrow

There is force in the universe, which, if we permit it, will flow through us and produce miraculous results.

There is no 'way to peace,' there is only 'peace.

There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.

There is no such thing as ‘too insane’ unless others turn up dead due to your actions.

There's no God higher than truth.

To forgive is not to forget. The merit lies in loving in spite of the vivid knowledge that one that must be loved is not a friend. There is not merit in loving an enemy when you forget him for a friend.

To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.

True beauty lies in purity of the heart.

True love is boundless like the ocean and, swelling within one, spreads itself out and, crossing all boundaries and frontiers, envelops the whole world.

True morality consists not in following the beaten track, but in finding the true path for ourselves, and fearlessly following it.

Truth never damages a cause that is just.

We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.

What barrier is there that love cannot break?

When asked what he thought of Western civilization): 'I think it would be a good idea.

Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.

Where love is, there God is also.

Where there is fear there is no religion.

Where there is love there is life.

You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind.

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve love and affection.

[slunatic]

My KiGo stuff

The fandom where I got my start. Here’s a list of my KiGo works with summaries. Goes from newest to oldest. *Note, these are not all of my Kim Possible works, just the ones with KiGo.

1. Build it Up: Pariah series finale. Shego and Tatsu search for a way to occupy their time while their girlfriends are busy with school. They end up going into business together to build a better future for themselves. (Pariah is a 10 part series).

2. Written on the Ten: Kim and Shego are trying to figure out how to spend their anniversary. They're open to advice and they reminisce a little to figure it out. One shot. KiGo. No real plot. Just sort of fluff.

3. Going with a Smile: Short sequel to One in a Billion. Take a trip back into the Walking the Line universe to see how Kim and Shego's children are faring as Todd moves out and gets closer to Mayah Director. Also watch as Jayden goes to talk to Bokuden Stoppable and meets his aunt, Hana. There's trouble to be had by all, of course. (Part five of the Walking the Line saga).

4. Humanities and Sciences: BoKiGo. Sequel to In the Middle! Come see how Bonnie, Kim, and Shego live their lives, live together, and try to work a relationship between the three of them. A series of one-shots... kinda.

5. Era of the Warring States: In a world without Kim Possible, war between Shego and SSJ has destroyed the land and the people. 20 years later Kim reappears and finds a world she doesn't recognize. A world that she may not be able to save. She may not even be able to save herself. This story is based on a series of “What If” pictures by the very talented artist, YogurthFrost.

6. Bubblegum Flavored: KP fusion with the anime Bubblegum Crisis 2040. When Kim moves to Mega Go City, she joins the Knight Sabers to fight against berserker Bebes while something darker involving Gemini and Drakken seems to be going on. Eventually KiGo, BetViv, and TaraFelix.

7. Family Gathering: Pariah Universe. Set after "Re-education of Jocelyn Possible." The Possibles get together to celebrate Christmas in Middleton with their loved ones. The Possible family seems to grow during this holiday when a few new guests show up. KiGo. Series Part 9 of Pariah.

8. For Fame, Fortune, and Freedom: AU. After being accused of a crime that she didn't commit, Kim becomes an outlaw to avoid being executed. Join Kim on an adventure as she learns how to be a pirate and eventually becomes the captain of a pirate ship. KiGo, BetViv, BoNique, and RonYori.

9. Blood Out: For the Halloween spirit. Sequel to Blood In. Kim and Shego find that they haven't moved past Shego's fears of Kim leaving and she is pushing Kim away, but they don't know why. What will they do? And just who is Carmilla? Come find out. KiGo. Series Part 4 of Vampire Kimmie. 

10. In the Middle: KiBo. KiGo. BoKiGo. Shego wants Kim. Bonnie wants Kim. Kim wants them both. Who's going to have her way? Probably Kim because she can do anything. Series Part 1 of In the Middle.

11. The Re-education of Joss Possible: Sequel to Cryptic...kind of. Latest in the Pariah universe. Joss comes to stay with Trin and Kim for the summer. The sisters try to connect with Joss, who is a little difficult about things. Can Joss learn to get along with her cousins? Series Part 8 of Pariah.

12. Blood In: For the Halloween spirit. Sequel to "New Life." Kim and Shego are still haunted by demons of their past, even though they are free. Is Shego in jeopardy of losing Kim after everything they've gone through? KiGo. Series Part 3 of Vampire Kimmie.

13. Change Your Mind: Oneshot. Shego remained Miss Go and started a relationship with Kim that doesn't seem to be working out. Is it her or is it Kim? KiGo.

14. Be Careful What You Do: Kim attends an important party where a pretty redhead hits on her at the end of the night. This is a night that could cost Kim her reputation and so much more. KiGo.

15. New Life: The sequel to New Blood, for the Halloween spirit. The quest for the cure continues with Kim still being a vampire. She and Shego are still under the thumb of GJ. Will they get away? Will Kim be cured? KiGo. Series Part 2 of Vampire Kimmie.

16. One in a Billion: AU. Sequel to The Gods Must Be Laughing. Shego and Kim are now trying to be a regular couple and do the things that they see their friends doing, like get married and have kids. Series Part 4 of Walking the Line saga.

17. Underdogs: Sequel to Cryptic, sort of. Set in the Pariah universe. The past comes back to bite Trin and Shin in the butt. Kim finds herself affected by the problem too and Shego's along for the ride as usual. Drakken's back. Series Part 7 of Pariah.

18. Dirty Little Secrets: Everyone has secrets. Some deeper than others. Come take a sneak peek at some secrets. Various pairings. Series of one shots, some of which contain romance. (Only the first chapter of this is KiGo).

19. Honor Bound: AU. Set in Japan during the Tokugawa era. Director Betty recruits samurai Kim and ninja Yori for a job to find out about a plot to overthrow the government. The job: go undercover as geisha. Kigo. RonYori.

20. Black Hole Philosophy: An AU of my Pariahverse. Pretty much, the pairings have been reversed and Shin has a girlfriend. By the end of it, things should be in their proper order. Can it be done? Series Part 6 of Pariah.

21. New Blood: For the Halloween spirit. Kim and Ron go looking for missing persons, only for Kim to become one. Is it really because of a vampire? The story will be Kigoish. Series Part 1 of Vampire Kimmie.

22. The Gods Must Be Laughing: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo. Series Part 3 of Walking the Line saga.

23. Night Terrors: Set in the Pariah universe. When Kim makes cupcakes, it brings the crew the worse nightmares when they go to bed. What could possibly frighten this crew? Series Part 5 of Pariah.

24. Another Time, Another Place: When Shego discovers an old book in the attic of her family's old house, it leads to Kigo in two different eras.

25. There For You: AU. Kigo. Kim is a hero, an author, and a painter who can do anything, except get a date. That probably explains why Bonnie gives her a card to an escort service.

26. Cryptic: Sequel to Pariah. There is a Possible clan get together at the Lazy C Ranch. Insults fly while problems arise. Shego never knew that Montana could be so interesting. Series Part 4 of Pariah.

27. Maybe: Kigo. One shot. Shego loves making Kim angry, but she can't figure out why. Maybe the reasons don't matter.

28. Forsaken: Set in the Pariah universe. A Possible has been chosen to save the world from the apocalypse. Wait, it's not Kim. It's Trin? We're as good as dead. Series Part 3 of Pariah.

29. A History of Yesterday: It starts with a honeymoon and ends with an affair. Or does it start with an affair and end with a honeymoon? Whichever.

30. On a Short Leash: AU. This is the sequel to Walking the Line. Kim and Shego look to renew their unorthodox relationship. Series Part 2 of Walking the Line saga.

31. Pariah: AUish. Who does the hero Kim Possible look up to? Check it out. Series Part 1 of Pariah. 

32. Walking the Line: AU like a mug. Shego is a cop and Kim...well, you won't believe what Kim is. Series Part 1 of Walking the Line saga.

33. Addiction: Kim and Shego find themselves addicted and now they're looking to quit each other. Kigo. I feel I should warn people about the humor in this story, apparently, some people find it funny.

34. Comprehension: Kigo of sorts. Shego sits and thinks about a certain girl that can do anything.

These three fics are only on FFN because I haven’t moved them yet.

35. The Beast Within: AU. Middleton is a town where everyone has special powers. Well, not everyone. Kim is the only normal one. How does she cope? Will be kigo eventually.

36. The Beast, Without: Sequel to the Beast Within. Kim is still trying to get the hang of her dragon powers while former members of WEE seem to be plotting against her. Is she ready for them?

37. The Beast Within: Special Edition: Just like the title says. Two people with super powers come into Middleton to take on Kim and Shego. Who are the new duo? Whose powers are better? Who will win the brawl?

[abbystanaccount]

Owen’s Aquarium Analysis

I was thinking about the various aspects of Owen’s Aquarium when it’s at its peak, during the Winter visit, and I just wanted to talk about it, throw some of my thoughts and interpretations out there.

This is where Owen has frequented for the past three years whenever he wanted to get away from the WLF. Abby has maybe been there a few times since their first discovery, but she hasn’t been in a long time. Personally I LOVE the way Owen reacts when he first sees her at the door. He’s very surprised, she asks him a question and it takes a second to answer because he’s busy thinking of how happy he is that she showed up at his home, the place he’s found solace in for the past few years.

The Aquarium is basically representative of Owen’s mind and his headspace. Owen’s in a pretty good spot when Abby comes to visit him in this flashback. He has games set up, he’s completely cleaned up the Aquarium trying to making it homey. But the fantastical set up is also a bit of a façade, Owen still has some issues with where he is in the world. His relationship with Mel is good (she can be really sweet sometimes), but Owen is hesitant to talk about Mel because whenever Abby is here, that’s all he can really focus on. When Abby gets there, all he wants to do now is hang out with her because he missed her. They’re playful, bantering, flirting a little, giving each other a hard time, it’s the Abby/Owen way 😌. He has a “selective memory”, and this Aquarium has many of his good memories.

The hooch. In this flashback and the present we see Owen drinking his homemade hooch, here it’s in celebration that Abby came to visit, later it’s because he’d drowning his sorrows. The fact that he makes his own alcohol, has a beer pong table, and can stand the taste of the hooch while Abby can’t, points to him drinking at least somewhat frequently. 

I’d also like to equate the hooch to his dreams of sailing away from it all and finding the Fireflies again. Owen has been making his own hooch and has also been trying to convince the other Salt Lake Crew that they should all look into the leads about the Fireflies. Up at the cafe when he offers Abby some, he enjoys it and he invites her to stay and see the view, Abby rejects both things like she did his notion of finding the Fireflies. Later on the boat he is consumed in his idea to leave and find the Fireflies (parallel to his drinking), then when he offers Abby some and to come sail away she declines.

Owen’s mural... he adds to Max’s mural and creates Salt Lake City on the wall, you can see the zebra’s and giraffe’s from Abby and Ellie’s memories in the foreground. The zebra memory and being in St Mary’s with Abby before Joel arrived were the last real happy memories they had, the last time they were still innocent and carefree. Owen memorializes these happy times through his art and puts it in a place he can look at frequently.

Abby also has a similar landscape painting she took from her dad’s office, it might also but of Salt Lake City, so she much like Owen kept those memories close. However I don’t know if Owen painted this one too, might be a little weird to paint your supervisor and secret gf’s dad a painting, idk. 🤷‍♀️

In relation to the Aquarium being like Owen’s mind, Owen projects to the world he’s happy with Mel, he tries to not think about Abby and get hung up on her, but because she still exists, she’s still around, that’s very hard for him. He is hesitant to write Abby on the board even though he says Mel won’t care, he knows that Mel will a bit, because it’s announcing that Abby was here. I feel like it had often been a discussion between Owen and Mel whether or not Owen was over Abby and Owen tried to convince her and himself he was, but it’s really not true.

Owen is a really sweet and creative person, he’d much rather be chilling in his Aquarium, getting it nice, or painting a mural or sketching (like his drawing of Abby). He warms up the entire place, except for maybe the hole in the roof he thinks it too much work to finish.  That’s probably very true, he is only one guy, but even besides the hole Owen shows an intense dedication to making the place fun, he lugged over party supplies seemingly by himself. 

Owen also doesn’t let anyone really know about the Aquarium. Manny only knew at the end because Abby told him, and Nora only knew from Manny. So for years it was just Owen’s thing. He offers to let Abby come “if she’s nice to him,’ he does want to share with her. It’s open to interpretation that maybe she never returned until this point because of her “skeleton” comment but I don’t like that so I like to think she did come back at least a few times, maybe it was less cleaned up though. It seems like since they broke up though, Owen has dedicated time to improving his Aquarium and starting anew. Once Owen starts dating Mel he eventually shows her the Aquarium and he hopes she’ll embrace it more than Abby did, which she does.

Their relationship became draining because of Abby’s revenge mission, and after they break up they both dedicate themselves to new things, Abby really ramps up her training and Scar killing, Owen tries to build a relationship with Mel and transform his Aquarium into something he can enjoy and live it. The issue there is Abby’s mission is just digging her deeper into a hole, and Owen can’t move on with Mel when Abby exists and he’s still in love and hung up on her.

This shot is pretty obvious, Abby is right in front of the Mel stocking, blocking it out. In another timeline where she wasn’t so caught up with Joel, it would have been her stocking there instead of Mel’s, Owen would have decorated the Aquarium for her and not Mel, and I think she sees that here. She’s even facing the Ferris wheel where they first ran away to. Owen is looking at this entire scene, and he can see it as well, it’s a gut punch to him that these are the circumstances. 

Owen still wants Abby to move on, he was overjoyed to have her visit him, play his archery game, just chat. It’s a rude awakening when he finds out she was there to just tell him that they’d found a lead on Joel, and that she’d already told the rest of the Crew including Mel about it. He’s feeling a bit betrayed by Abby here and pressured to join them. Owen wants what Abby wants, but he already sees how much pain its caused her and he doesn’t want more people than necessary getting hurt. But everyone else already said they would go and at one point or another he promised Abby they were in this together, and he’d never go back on his word for her.

I just want to touch on the state of the Aquariums when we see it, when we first see the Aquarium it’s not really Owen’s yet, it’s been abandoned and he had yet to put his work into it. Then three years later, it’s full his and representative of who he is. We see it after Jackson too, but it’s much more subdued and dreary because he’s been suffering mentally. If you focus on Owen during the Joel torture scenes you can really see how shook he was seeing Abby shoot Joel’s leg off, and he had to leave the room with Mel while she tortured Joel. Owen blames himself for not stopping her on this revenge quest, she’s finally doing it and it’s horrible to watch. 

Afterwards, Owen has retreated from others completely. The others are pissed at him when he disagreed about letting Ellie and Tommy go. How Abby behaved scared him. He doesn’t even want the new life with Mel, he just wants out of here by himself, everything else is too painful. When he shoots Danny, Owen realizes leaving is his only option is to go because he can’t stand to be in the WLF anymore. Owen wants to go back to a time when he was happy and working towards a real cause: the Fireflies. He still faces major hurdles though, the boat is broken and the WLF are going to come after him. Abby finds him curled up, retreated as far as he can go into his safe place. Waiting for someone to come and kill him for what he did. 

Then last time we go to the Aquarium, it is completely silent, eerie, and dead, Owen’s dreams of escaping to a better, happier life, shattered.

Sorry to end it on depression but that’s how it is 💔 except in happier au’s like mine lol.

Also side note, Abby saying “of course” when she sees the boat light on and not assuming he’s in the cafe or something, makes me think they returned there together at some point and more spent time there. So maybe that’s a less sad note.

[peterstanslizzie]

Reacting To: The Hollow (Season 2 Episode 2)

Episode Title: Hollow Games

Key Highlights (Spoiler Warning): Kindly proceed if you’ve already seen the episode or simply don’t care about spoilers.

This episode was amazingly gay, wasn’t it? Let’s begin:

1. The episode picks up where things left off in episode 1. Our favorite trio are being cornered by their greatest childhood fears.

2. Mira decides to confront Adam’s fears for him and the rest of them follow her lead with Adam taking on Mabel, the giant chicken and Kai taking on creepy doll. The guys take on a physical approach but Mira tries to reason with the bullies. Unfortunately, none of their methods are working. 

3. Amidst all of this, we find out that Mira has an older sister on top of her younger brother, Miles.   

4. At one point, Adam is pinned down by Mabel with its foot and Kai sees that he’s in trouble and goes to rescue him. 

5. Kai yells and tells Mabel that he’s not afraid of it and as it’s about to charge right at him, it disintegrates. I like how Kai is the one to save Adam this time around instead of the opposite because it’s usually Adam who saves him. Basically, they discover that facing their own fears is the way to go. Well, it’s pretty obvious, no? But it seems a little too easy for all of them to conquer their fears by just yelling at them. Oh well...

6. After the showdown, they head back to Kai’s big mansion to make sense of what’s happening to them. During their discussion, Kai seems to regret having had a crush on Mira because she’s Miles’s sister. What’s the deal with her brother, Miles? Oh right, we’ll find out later in the episode. 

7. Hold up, hold up, hold up! Kai still thinks that Adam and Mira have a ‘thing’ for each other and he doesn’t want to get in between them. Is this going where I think it’s going?

8. OMFG!!! Stop everything! Drop everything. Kai said “I’m gay”. He said the word GAY. And he said it so casually! I didn’t expect this coming out to happen so early on in the season. I love it! Kai’s reaction was cute and totally chill. But poor Mira almost had forgotten that she actually kissed Adam. She apologizes to him and blames it on the memory block she had due to the game. Sure Mira :)

9. But seriously; It’s pretty clear Mira knew that he was gay all along and I’m sure if she had her memories with her at that time, she wouldn’t have kissed him. Oh and Adam is aware he’s attractive. Of course he is! How can anyone resist someone who is as tall, dark and handsome as he is. 

10. I’m smiling so hard right now. But anyways, back to the situation at hand; They’re now talking about the glitch they saw when they were playing the game (back in season 1) and how the glitch was able to create such an accurate depiction of their lives. Adam thinks that they’re now on Level 2 of ‘The Hollow’ but Mira isn’t buying that theory. Master Kai still thinks it’s all a dream. Will he just stop?! LOL

11. They call for The Weird Guy’s help but nothing happened. Mira thinks they should look for him at The Hollow Games studio. But before they could all leave for the studio, they’re stopped by Davis, Kai’s butler. He insists that Miles should head to bed and that Mira and Adam leave the mansion. 

12. If you look closely at his sleeves, the initials K P are on it. That means Kai’s last name starts with a P. I wonder what it is? Maybe it’s Parnall for Connor Parnall, the voice actor for Kai? I think it’s adorable how he says, “Silly Adam” before going to bed. 

13. Mira drops Adam outside his home but she’s too wary of everything that’s happening around them and isn’t convinced that Adam should trust his parents and stay with them. I completely understand Mira. She really wants everything to be solved asap and she wants to go to the studio to see The Weird Guy tonight. But there are too many uncertainties and she has to consider what both Adam and Kai want as well. She also feels like she can’t trust Adam because she doesn’t know if he’s real or part of the game mechanics.  

14. On the other hand, Adam thinks that they’re on Level 2 of the game and they just need to live like they usually do and wait for quests or challenges to appear before them. It’s sad to watch them argue. I guess that’s how being in a complex game/experiment-thingy does to your mind; You can’t help but to come up with any sort of scenario. 

15. Okay, so we now know that Mira and Adam are actually childhood best friends prior to starting the game. They even carved their initials on a sidewalk. 

16. Remember in my episode 1 review when I said Adam’s mom is creepy. This scene right here takes the entire cake for me. *Shudders

17. Adam is busy searching for clues in his room and finds a Moby Dick book but with completely blank pages. How strange. This world is really messed up. Mira is driving through town and sees Skeet speed-running on the streets. This should be interesting. Since last season, I’ve always thought of Skeet to potentially work with the main trio one day since he was so reluctant to fight them. We shall see what happens deeper into the season. 

18. The next morning, Adam and Kai meet up outside the donut shop and Kai is freaking out because he says he hasn’t woken up from his dream. He tells him about a new theory he has to explain why everyone is acting so weird: an Alien Invasion. I honestly can believe any explanation at this point because everything is so messed up. 

19. Mira didn’t show up and they become worried. They walk over to Mira’s house and ring the doorbell. It’s Miles! And he immediately recognizes Kai. Miles and Kai seem to be gaming buddies. 

QUESTION: I’m now wondering about how long Kai has known Mira and Adam prior to ‘The Hollow’. I guess he could be childhood friends with them too? 

20. Adam thinks that Mira probably went to the Hollow Games studio last night and they make their way over there. They are stopped by a security guard who doesn’t even know what building she’s guarding and isn’t aware of ‘The Hollow’. I guess this supports my theory that only current game players know what ‘The Hollow’ is. 

21. Is it just me or does Adam always feels like he has to touch Kai in some way or form, every chance he gets? I’m not complaining though.

22. Darla is hilarious and I totally stan her. We need to see more from her and her ex, Steve. Apparently Reeve is or was friends with Adam and Mira in real life. From my understanding, all three of them were in a team (for The Hollow?) before something happened and they had to recruit Kai as his replacement. I love all the backstory we’re getting. This season is doing a good job with that. And this explains the picture of the 3 of them in Adam’s room last episode. It’s such a contrast because they were kinda direct enemies last season. 

23. They sneak into the building to find Mira and they’re pretty sure she’s in there because her scooter is parked outside. 

24. It looks like it’s ‘The Hollow’ champions wall. We see a picture of Gretchen Aguilar and her team but no sign of Adam, Mira and Kai on that wall. This further confirms their suspicion that they haven’t actually won the game yet. 

25. They head to the stage room where the participants would wear their VR-looking googles and play ‘The Hollow’. Kai trips on a cable that he suspects is connected to a server room that powers the game. But Adam calls him from what it appears to be the control room as he is looking through files to gather more information. 

26. After surviving a random and sudden earthquake, they come across the server room but they are swarmed by a bunch of laser-shooting bots. They barricade themselves inside the room, which has a broken wall that leads to a big portal. They suspect that Mira jumped through that very portal.

27. Adam isn’t sure if they should enter that portal but time is running out and they need to make a decision fast. 

28. Any excuse to touch Kai huh? He is so smitten by him (I need to stop lol)

29. The episode ends with the two of them literally taking a leap of faith into the portal. Stay tuned for my reaction to episode 3, which will be out very soon. BTW y’all, I’m still not over Adam’s coming out scene to Kai! Cue me replaying that scene over and over again.