#SO MUCH HAPPENED IN THIS EPISODE THOUGH SO CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR RAMBLING JUST A LITTLE

[sskk-manifesto]

(*・ω・*)b♪

[forever-rogue]

Hi! If you’re taking requests then can I please ask for you to write a Joel x Reader one where Joel and Reader have been dating for a long time and are now finally happily living in Jackson (with Ellie), and it was all going fine until Joel’s PTSD is randomly triggered and he accidentally hurts Reader when she touches him as a way to check on him and offer him comfort like she normally would do during one of his panic attacks?

Like maybe they’re at a family bbq (with Tommy and his wife) or the bar or even at their own home when something — whether it be a certain sound, smell, word, etc. — triggers him to the point where he is totally out of it and gets startled when Reader touches him, causing him to slightly hurt her by grabbing her wrist or whatnot because he mistakes her as a threat. Once he snaps out of his PTSD episode, he immediately feels horrible and regretful despite how much Reader tries to assure him that she’s okay and it wasn’t his fault. But it’s not enough; he starts to distant himself out of fear that he’d potentially hurt her again and out of fear that he’d finally done something enough that’ll make her want to leave him. Reader catches on though and then does her best to make Joel realize that she doesn’t blame him for what happened, she’ll always be there for him — through the good, bad, and ugly —, and she’ll never leave him because he’s the love of her life. Just basically a whole lot of hurt and comfort (with a hint of angst and fluff) lol.

(Ah, I’m so sorry that this ended up being such an annoyingly long and detailed ask! I was struggling with how to express my idea in words, and just ended up rambling… I hope it’s okay! 😭 Please feel free to change anything — you’re incredibly talented, so I completely trust your wherever your creativity takes you if you choose to write this).

Anyway! Thank you so much for writing and sharing all of your stories — your writing is truly outstanding and really just your account as a whole is one of my absolute favorites! 🫶🏻

AN | Please, this is so cute but sad, but there’s also a happy ending 💕

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language, Mentions of PTSD

Word Count | 2.8k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Think you made enough food?” you felt Joel’s arm at the small of your back as you set up the desserts you had made. You turned to him and pretended to huff before playfully swatting his hand away, “I think you’ve got enough for the whole of Jackson.”

“I never hear you complaining, Joel Miller,” you grabbed one of the chocolate cookies you’d made and took a bite before offering half to him. He playfully bit it out of your hand, causing you to giggle at him, “no manners, Mr. Miller. None at all!”

“I,” he mumbled through a mouth of cookie, “am a perfect gentleman, darlin’.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” you uncovered the rest of the baked goods you’d prepared and marveled at your handiwork, “this is a family barbeque but you know that basically means everyone will be here since we’re all basically one big, weird family. Hence, I made plenty.”

“What’s a smart woman like you doing with a fool like me?” he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you in a for a sweet kiss, practically beaming when you pulled back, “baby.”

"Don't baby me, Miller," you planted a playful, sloppy kiss on his cheek, "go on and help your brother with the barbecue so we can actually eat."

"Fine," he clutched at his heart as he scoffed before making his way over to Tommy. You couldn't help but watch him go, shaking your head in amusement. This man.

-

The world might have been different from how it once used to be, but one of the things that never changed was the love of fireworks. Jimmy and Sandra had somehow managed to come up with a cache of them on one of their last trips out of Jackson. 

Naturally, the brilliant idea that they could be used at the barbecue was proposed and it wasn't hard to convince the younger Miller brother to go ahead with it. Under controlled circumstances, it would all be fine. 

And realistically it should have been fine…you had no reason to think that it wouldn't be. But life didn't seem to agree with you and had a completely different idea. 

You were standing with Ellie, your arms wrapped around her shoulders and you hugged onto her, waiting to see all the pretty fireworks. It hit you then and there - Ellie had never seen fireworks before! The idea in and of itself seemed wild. 

Her entire face was lit up from her big smile and the sparkling lights as the two of you watched the ones Tommy had set off. 

"Pretty cool, huh?" You pressed a kiss to the top of her head before realizing that something, or someone rather, was missing, "I'm going to go and find Joel. I'll be right back!"

Ellie was so distracted that she didn't even take much note of you leaving. It only took a few minutes before you found him near the back of the house, picking at something from one of the tables, or so you thought anyway.

"Babe?" You weren't sure if he could hear you over the clambering of the crowd and the fireworks; he didn't turn around. You walked closer to him and reached for him, "Joel?"

And then it happened all at once; he turned around and grabbed your wrist, twisting your arm at a painful angle and causing you to cry out. His eyes were dark but there was nothing there, just an empty hollowness. 

“Joel!” you tried to pull out of his tight grip but that only made things more painful. He wasn’t letting go and you didn’t know what to do - he clearly wasn’t him right now. You struggled with him for a few moments before you heard someone running up and yelling at Joel to stop. 

You looked up and felt a wave of relief wash over your body when you realized it was Tommy. If there was anyone that could help in this situation, it would be him. Tommy managed to pry Joel’s hands off you, the sheer force causing you to stumble backwards and fall onto your butt. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Tommy’s hands were on Joel’s shoulders as he tried to get him to snap out of his trance. You’d never seen him like this and it was as scary as it was heartbreaking. You didn’t fully know what was going on but you had a fairly good guess, “Joel, this isn’t real, it’s just a memory. You’re okay, you’re safe, you’re at home with us.”

That seemed to quell him even if it was the slightest bit and he shook his head, almost as if he was trying to shake whatever was going on off. 

“Breathe in and out slowly,” Tommy had a calming effect on your boyfriend who seemed to relax, his shoulders slumping ever so slightly, “look around, we’re at home, we’re safe.”

Tommy took a few steps back and looked at you, an apologetic expression on his face. You swallowed the lump in your throat and as he held out his hand to help you to up and to your feet. Once you were back up, you looked over at Joel to find looking between you and Tommy,

“Joel?” your voice almost cracked as you subconsciously at your sore wrist and sore. His eyes darted to the sore area that was already red and starting to swell. 

His jaw clenched as he let out a long sigh, hanging in head in exhaustion and shame, “I’m…I’m okay.”

Tommy hesitated for a moment before gently wrapping an arm around your shoulder, “let me take you and Ellie home.”

“But-”

“Please?” he asked softly, offering you a pointed look. You realized what he was trying to convey and nodded before letting him lead you away, “I’ll be right back, big brother.”

You cast one last look at Joel but he wouldn’t meet your eyes. Your heart broke a little bit, but you kept repeating to yourself that everything would be alright. This was just a small bump in the road.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When you woke up the following morning, you found yourself alone in bed, Joel’s side still made up and cold. He hadn’t come to bed. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes before putting on your slippers and padding down the hall. You poked your head into Ellie’s bedroom and found the girl fast asleep still; at least she was getting some rest. 

You decided to start a pot of coffee and made your way to the kitchen; when you stepped inside you found him sitting at the table and staring at his hands. You relaxed ever so slightly when you realized he was home…but something was definitely still going on. 

“Joel?” you’d been so quiet that he hadn’t heard you come in, but his head snapped up and looked at you, “h-hey, my love.”

He inhaled shakily before looking you over, his entire face turning into a grimace at the angry haze of bruising on your arm. You realized what he was looking at and moved to tuck your arm behind your back. 

“I hurt you,” was all he managed to see before you could see that his eyes were glistening with tears. You took a few steps closer and shook your head fervently, but he recoiled from you, “I did that to you.”

“No,” the fact that he tried to shy away from you didn’t stop you from getting closer, “you didn’t hurt me - that wasn’t you.”

“It was me,” gingerly, he reached for your hand and pulled out your arm so he could look it over properly. In between the marks you could see the fingerprints etched in there, “if it wasn’t me, who did this to you?”

“Baby-”

“I hurt you,” he repeated, “all because I couldn’t handle the sound of some fuckin’ fireworks.”

“Stop,” you crouched down so you could look up at him since he refused to do so, “please. It wasn’t your fault, and I don’t blame you for this. No one should - it was an unfortunate thing but it’s over and done with this and this bruising will heal and go away. But I am never going away, and if you think this one little thing will do that, then you don’t know me very well.”

“I had no control over what happened,” he was willing to concede at least that much, “and that’s what scares me. What if it happens again? What if it gets even worse the next time? What if-”

“Joel,” you reached up and put your hand on his face, brushing your thumb over his cheek, “you can’t think like that. It’s not healthy….just because it happened once doesn’t mean it will happen again. And, if for some reason it does, we’ll take it one day at a time.”

He reached up and gently removed your hand from his face, causing you to frown deeply, “I can’t trust myself around you. If anything ever happened to you or to Ellie, I would never forgive myself.”

“Joel-”

“I need some air,” he stood up and gently brushed past you, walking outside and into the backyard. You remained rooted in your spot, but sighed heavily, blinking back the tears that threatened to well up. 

Things would be okay, you knew they would…they had to be. Right? Right.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel was still with you, but you could slowly see him growing more and more distant as the days wore on. Despite your reassurances that you were okay, and you still loved him more than anything, it was like he became a shell of his former self. And it wasn’t just with you, which was a bit of reassurance that it wasn’t just you, but it was with everyone. You wished there was something you could do that would easily get him back to his former self. Just as your arm grew better and less bruised, he continued to pull away and create a barrier between the two of you. 

One late night, as you laid in bed reading due to your inability to sleep, Joel came in and slowly closed the door behind him, and leaned against it. When he cleared his throat, you looked up and saw a serious expression on his face. He looked just as tired as you felt. 

“What’s up?” you asked softly as you closed your book and gently set it to the side. He remained silent for a few moments, clearly searching for the right words. Once a few moments of tense silence passed he finally looked at you, "hmm?"

"I've been thinkin'," he shoved his hands into pockets. You sat up straighter and tried to push down the nagging feeling that was already forming in your tummy, "and I think it's best…I should go."

"Go?" You parroted, not fully understanding what he was talking about, "what do you mean, Joel?"

"Go," he waved his hand around, "I don't think I should be here with you and Ellie anymore."

"Oh. Oh," you frowned at him, "so you're just going to up and leave."

"Baby, I - it's not like that," he insisted softly but you weren't just about to let him go. Not that easily, "this is what's best."

You scoffed at him, not even bothering to hide your disappointment, "that's what's best, huh? For who? For who is it best? You?"

"Best for everyone."

"Well that is just a straight up lie," you got out of bed and walked over to him, crossing your arms over his chest, "its not what's best for me at all. Or Ellie."

"Baby," it was softer and much more gentle, and almost resigned in a way.

"Listen - this time I need you to listen to me," you stood in front of him, firm and tall, "this has been going on for weeks now and I'm not just going to let you keep continuing on like this."

"I just…I wouldn't forgive myself if I ever did anything to you or hurt you in any way possible," you could see his Adam's apple bobbing, "its already hard enough knowing that I did." 

"Look," you pulled back the sleeve of your sweater and held up your arm. When he refused to acknowledge what you were doing you kept a cool and even tone, "look at me."

Reluctantly he allowed himself to look at your arm, at the place he had once hurt you. Your arm was back to normal and no remnants of what had once happened. He wrapped his fingers gingerly around your wrist as he tenderly turned your arm to get a better look at it. 

"There's nothing there," you pointed out softly, "and it doesn't hurt at all. I don't think about it anymore and I don't…I never blamed you and I was never scared of you."

"You're saying that now…but what if it happens again?" You could see the genuine concern in his eyes as you reached up and gently touched his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch, something he'd denied himself for what seemed like an eternity by that point.

"If it does, we'll figure it out," you meant every word you said and you hoped he knew that, "Joel, life isn't always easy and it's not always fun. But just because one hard or bad thing happened doesn't mean I'm just going to walk away. That's not who we are and that's not what we do. I'm with you forever and nothing is going to change that."

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, in search of the right thing to say. Instead of verbalizing all that he was feeling, he bowed his head and pressed his forehead to yours.

"If it was me that happened to and I hurt you, would you want me to just leave?" You asked softly and you could feel the shake of his head.

"Of course not," he insisted, "it wouldn't…it would have been an accident."

"Exactly," you whispered, "how do you think I feel about you? I'm not going to let you just go. Not without a fight."

"Really?"

"Of course," you took his face in your hands and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, "I love you, silly man. Nothing is ever going to change that. We'll be together through the good and the bad, through thick and thin. All of it."

And that was what seemed to break him. You could hear him sniffle lightly before a few tears rolled down his cheek. You gently brushed them away before making a small sound of reassurance at him. 

"I love you, baby," he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his warm, soft body. You felt him relax into your touch as you looped your arms around his shoulders and tucked yourself into his body as best as possible. You could tell that he needed this just as much as you did; he was practically melting into your body, "so much."

"I love you," it was a sentiment whispered in his ear so only he could hear it,"so, so much my love."

"When I hurt you I just…I got so worried."

"It's understandable," you insisted, "anyone would feel that way. But I want you to also understand that I love you and that nothing is ever going to change that."

"I know," a huff of laughter escaped him, "I've always known that."

"Good," you gave him the beaming smile that he still managed to fall in with over and over again, "because I've always known that you love me too. I can't promise everything, but I can promise you one thing."

"What's that?" He trailed his fingers against your jaw.

"That we'll always be together," you pressed kisses to both of his cheeks, "and we'll get through anything. And that I will always love you."

"That's three things," he teased, a glimpse of his true self coming though.

"Joel!" You were laughing though and he loved that sound, "get the sentiment though."

"I do," he agreed gently, "I love you."

"I love you too, Joel Miller."

[cloroxcasserole]

my thoughts about episode 4 yayyy

but it’s just me rambling about Jax for half of it. I love him 💞💞

Okay SO I do wonder if the tennis scene at the beginning is foreshadowing or smth. In ‘POMNI WAKE UP TIME TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE!” there was that one stadium looking asset (at least to me) and episode four was presumably the last one teased in that short. Maybe episode 5 was actually the one with that asset in it, or maybe it was the one used for the kinger rodeo picture and I’m just reading way too far into it. Anyway I think it’s really nice how they all interacted in the beginning. Even if we have reasonable suspicion that Ragatha secretly doesn’t really like her fellow circus members, I like how Ragatha sticks up for gangle. And also yells at Jax like you go girl! The Zooble and gangle interaction was also really nice, even though it ultimately ended bad Zooble still tried to help her and neither of them were mad when that happened. They were just like “oh, that didn’t work! Oh well!” And moved on and I just think that’s cute bc even though gangle could so easily blame Zooble for all that happened with the new mask, she didn’t. This episode was different in a sense where the mundane setting looped around to being interesting because of how much they just let it be normal, most of them just treated it like a normal job. Aside from Jax and Ragatha. And gangle in a way.

Jax didn’t really treat it like a normal job because 1. Gangle was the manager 2. It isn’t to him. Because he’s like the #2 “this is all fake as fuck”-er right behind Zooble who’s not on this list because they weren’t being rude about it. Gangle didn’t really and is in the Jax yapping section because it’s related to him and that’s because. You don’t try to hypnotize your employees. That’d be like illegal maybe. Knowing America nowadays it probably isn’t 😿

Anyway haha about that scene. Favorite scene 10/10 mentally ill over it. Why? Short answer: Jax suffers

Long answer:

When did gangle record that? Did Caine have her do it?

if so, Caine dude what were you doing?

that reminds me of how Zooble said that Caine is only nice to the humans because he likes them. Jax hasn’t really given him much of a reason to like him so maybe Caine did this as that “punishment” gangle was talking about for throwing Ragatha in the deep fryer or as I just mentioned, a punishment in general.

OR gangle just really hates Jax which I mean okay?? I have friends that have acted exactly like him what is this ❌❌. In all seriousness gangles sensitive so I actually do understand why she hates him so much, so her just deciding to do that wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility

that one tentacle drawing based off this scene

I like how the “reevaluation” kind of actually did something. He’s a little nicer (if you squint), his irises stay smaller for the rest of the episode which is an obvious sign of distress, and they only get bigger when he walks out of the building. Which is also when he’s not near anybody. So ‘safe’ maybe.

also the “wait wait nobody can see this right?” so obviously means he doesn’t want to be seen vulnerable which ID SAY that being suspended in the air by a bunch of robotic hands would be pretty vulnerable. A lot of people have pointed this out but I don’t care honestly

crazy that he just shut the fuck up when the thing started flashing like. Was he /sta hypnotized by it? Ik I just talked about that but again I lowkey don’t care

and then his smile just. Goes away when he walks out of the building?? The? Crack? In his facade??

everyone’s facading out in this episode. Gangle is. Ragatha is. And Jax is. Proof they’re the main focus of this episode and that likely means we’re also gonna get a little bit more Jax content in the next episode compared to this one. If not at least we get Jax content at all because I’m very mentally ill over him okay I’m done.

JUST KIDDING I also wanna say real quick that gangle LITERALLY masking and then jumping in front of a truck when she finally could stop is like. We love a mentally ill queen! Please get therapy and a hug though 💞

I’d talk about that more I’m tired thougg

[the-gay-trashmouth]

I don't feel like the conversation Curly has with Jimmy right before Jimmy crashes the ship gets enough attention, because in that scene we get so much character information from both of them, completely outside of Jimmy warped perception. (Long ass ramble below the cut)

One thing I don't see brought up nearly enough is that Curly and Jimmy aren't just co-workers. They're friends back on Earth. He also brings up Jimmy's "hard times" back home, specifically bringing it up when he's trying to talk him down after he finds out Anya is pregnant. Now we don't know what exactly he means by "hard times", it could be anything from a depressive episode to a drug habit. In context though, I feel like it isn't a stretch to say it was something to do with the law, considering Jimmy is talking about having to face the consequences of assaulting Anya when they get back to Earth ("what do you think will happen when we get back?").

Some people then take the rest of what Jimmy says to mean Anya's assault was pre-planned as a way to tarnish Curly's reputation- I think this theory is bullshit. We see multiple times throughout the game that Jimmy is really good at just pulling shit out of his ass when he feels like he's cornered. He's constantly coming up with new justifications as to why he does things and how it's somehow never truly his fault. I think that's what he's doing here, making it Curly's fault for "pushing" him to extremes. "I was just so jealous of you, you're always dangling the life I want right in front of me, you don't even want it, you don't deserve it".

He's twisting his own disgusting actions into some sort of rebellion against the system, just like he always does, just to make himself out to be the poor, downtrodden layman with no other choices. A man pushed to extremes by the world around him. However, this is just Jimmy's rewriting of history, a way to shove blame off onto Curly, a way to manipulate him into going along with his plan. If he really did set out to ruin Curly's reputation he wouldn't have crashed the ship, he wouldn't try and manipulate him into going along with it by saying they could be remembered as heroes instead.

I also think this theory, once again as y'all are so eager to do, makes Anya's assault revolve around a man. It once again turns her into a plot device or means to an end rather than her own character. It shifts the focus onto Curly as the victim when she was Jimmy first and most ignored victim. Like Polle says "why are you still so concerned with HIM?"

But, anyways, by the end of that conversation- his manipulation works. Or, maybe it works. Of course we don't know exactly what's going through Curly's head, but he ends the conversation with "right..." And walks away. Either he didn't believe Jimmy when he was point blank telling him what he was going to do, or he did and genuinely bought into his manipulation for a moment, before snapping back out of it once the alarms actually sounded. Either way, the conversation ends with Curly walking away and letting Jimmy just do whatever he wanted.

That conversation also shows us a look into how Curly was "handling it". Basically throwing empty platitudes to both Jimmy and Anya. Never ever acknowledging the scale of Jimmy actions. An interesting thing to me is that, until the very end when he says "right", not once does he acknowledge what Jimmy is actually saying. Just repeating "we can fix this, you'll get through this, it's going to be fine" while Jimmy continues to talk about how he could still get away with it. It's like he barely hears him, and the same thing with Anya. Anya tells him, point blank, she doesn't feel safe. She hides the gun herself, and constantly drops hints about Jimmy, even tells him about the harassment, but time and time again he brushes it off with "I'll talk to him" and then never actually has a talk with him.

During the psych evals, Anya tells Curly she can't get through an evaluation with Jimmy. He makes sexual jokes and refuses to take her seriously. Saying "I find myself sexually attracted to the company mascot" while locked in a room with a woman who is at most a coworker you've only known for like 4-5 months during a company mandatory psych eval is at the very least non compliance, and at most sexual harassment. What does Curly say about this?

"so tell me about those horses"

And then nothing else. He doesn't get onto Jimmy about treating Anya with respect or taking this seriously. He let's him dodge questions and assures him how everything is fine. Jimmy is actively making the other crewmates jobs more difficult but Curly does. Absolutely. Nothing. And this is RIGHT AFTER he gets onto Swansea for letting Daisuke do a dangerous job. He knows how to be captain, he knows how to put his foot down, but he actively chooses not to with Jimmy, instead appealing to their history and friendship. Letting him slide with things you would NOT let a regular employee slide with.

Curly is a character defined by inaction. He didn't do anything when Anya first tells him that Jimmy makes her uncomfortable, he does nothing when she tells of the assault (off screen) or when she tells him she's pregnant (onscreen), he does NOTHING when Jimmy looks him in the eyes and tells them they can be heroes, if he just lets Jimmy fix it. That's what makes his ending all the more tragic.

His choice to do nothing until the very last second, when it's already too late and Jimmy has doomed them all, results in him not being able to do ANYTHING. he is stuck in constant pain watching as one by one his crew dies and every single time there's Jimmy, still avoiding responsibility, still manipulating the people around him, and he has to finally reconcile that this has always been who jimmy was, he was just too focused on the bigger picture to see the dead pixel.

When Jimmy gets the gun, Curly lets out what seems like something between a laugh and a sob. It's the last of Anya's predictions to come true. Anya was right, and Curly can't do a fucking thing anymore. his friend is a monster, a killer, and a rapist. He was never going to be able to "fix it", because it was never about Curly. It was about Jimmy, it was always about Jimmy and his complete need for control paired with his refusal to take responsibility.

And in the end we end up back in the party room back where Jimmy first created the character of Captain Curly in his head, the one that made it easier to blame. It's there that he makes himself the hero again, valiantly forgives poor Captain Curly and shows himself to be the selfless, responsible, perfect captain that he always saw himself as-

despite the fact that he was surrounded by the stiff remains of his crew, all of whom he'd had a hand in their death, and chewing on the leg of the only man who ever saw the good in him.

[ardenation]

THOUGHTS ON (some of) SWEET TOOTH SEASON 3

Just my rambles. Also I only remembered sweet tooth existed 2 days before the third season came out so I quickly re-watched season 2 and then season 3 right after AND WHEN I TELL YOU I HAVE THOUGHTS ON THIS SHOW.

spoilers under the cut

Okay, I can't remember which order the episodes are so I'm winging it here and just word vomiting. in my defense my best friend is away camping and I have nobody to yap about this to so tumblr gets it instead.

The first thing I can remember is that whole thing with the bat kid. OH MY GOD. that poor kid man. it's so awful how his parents raised him to believe that what he was was unfit for society, below humans, and not natural. no kid should have to grow up like that. I don't completely blame the parents, but there were some very, very bad decisions made. and the fucking scene where the dad tries to cut off the baby's hybrid traits??? I got SO reminded of when Gus' antler was cut off. baby boy was mutilated. but the difference between the scene with the baby and gus was that nobody was there to stop it from happening. nobody was there to wrangle the saw out of that guy's hands. bruh. tears. I fucking hate it here.

also live laugh love Rani <33

uhh I dunno what comes after that so let's jump to the boat episode! *laughs nervously*

That. freaking. episode. broke me. I didn't even want to keep watching after that (lie) because it was just so incredibly awful. just when they walked onto that boat for the first time and It was dead silent? goosebumps. especially after finding that dead body. by the way, this is when I started to dislike Dr. singh. bro fell way off after Rani left. anyway, I did not trust Darwin AT ALL when he was introduced. I thought he was shady as all hell. Glad I was proved wrong in the end, though. not important. let's talk about those dead bodies and what Gus had to do because that is a whole rodeo.

I admit, when I first heard he was going to have to find and toss dead bodies overboard my first thought was 'FUCK yes trauma angst trauma angst trauma angst' because what can I say, it's how my brain works. it started off pretty chill, the deer boy doing some nice yardwork and tossing the flowers overboard. okay. this is fine. oh, shit, now he's found dead bodies. oh my god he's crying. oh my god i'm crying. MY BABY. MY BABY BOY, WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO YOU?! anyway that was probably the most fucked up thing I have ever watched in my life. kill me. kill me- and the fact that he kept all the people's little things as ways to remember them? what the fuck. what the hell netflix. why would you do this. he's just a little kid. I'm going to kill someone. ALSO I fucking KNEW Darwin was going to get sick. I was watching it with my little sister, and when he popped up I went 'bet you Gus is gonna look away and darwin's finger is gonna start twitching' then BOOM. also, that makes it so much worse. at this point I was like, how many more people is this poor kid going to to lose? WHY IS HE SO TRAUMATIZED???

hahaha. boy oh boy.

side note, why was Siana and Birdie actually so cute? I would've loved for their relationship to be explored more before... yk. and Nuka?? my baby. my darling. she means everything, actually.

wait what happens next?? idk

episode 7 time! or at least the end of it.

first of all, FUCK YOU DR. SINGH. I LIKED YOU AT THE START BUT NOW?.ALL THIS DESTINY BULLSHIT 'it's my destiny to kill gus' BRO YOU JUST SAID YOUR DESTINY IS TO MURDER AN INNOCENT CHILD?? WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR BRAIN. THIS IS WHY RANI LEFT. and when Adi was getting closer and closer to stab Gus, when he was screaming and kicking, I was actually going to vomit and cry. what the actual fuck. why is this show so incredibly messed up. it's not even funny. this is the most disturbing shit I have seen in a while which is saying a lot. the sheer horror of the things in this show once you start to think about it is insane. anyway before that whole thing I genuinely thought 'hm I think that blood on Adi's knife in the vision thing is actually big man's blood because he probably protected gus' and I was half right? I was not expecting Birdie to be killed AT ALL. It totally took me by surprise. once again, this show is so horrifying and sad. Gus crying over Birdie. i'm going to die. he's an orphan. why is this stupid world so mean to this kid?? he's turning into fucking Peter Parker for god's sake! I really, really thought big man was going to die in that cave. and imagine if he did? Gus would've lost both his parents AND his father figure in just a few months. I would've lost my mind. anyway. birdie's dead. jesus fucking christ. WHY. JUST WHY. NETFLIX, STOP HURTING MY BOY.

Alright, let's see if I can remember literally anything that happens in episode 8.

It was such an emotional rollercoaster fr. I felt like I was getting emotional whiplash every five seconds. he's gonna die! wait, he's gonna live! now this guy is actually gonna murder Gus! wait, now this guy turned good and saved him! holy shit, everybody is going to die- holy shit EVERYBODY IS DEAD! wait, Gus cut himself to bleed on a tree and now they're alive! oh my god, Gus finally snapped! wait, now his dead dad is popping up and convincing him to save people again! OH MY GOD BECKY IS DEAD! WAIT OH MY GOD SHE'S ALIVE! (I think that one was the worst) NO is big man going to die on that mountain?? oh good he's not! omg jordan actually died in the crash!

....there was no resolution to that one. good riddance. sorry Jordan fans.

and then we had the whole reveal of Gus being the narrator the whole time- how tf did I not predict that?? Also, am I the only one who doesn't like stuff that does those huge timeskips where it shows the main characters when they're old. is it just me who doesn't like it. okay i'll go

let's talk about Gus and Wendy for a second. honestly, throughout the whole of season 2 and three there was a little nagging voice in my head saying 'it's a boy and a girl interacting.... you know they're going to end up together' and I would tell my head 'stfu, I wouldn't really like that because there are no good girl boy friendships in any media ever that's completely platonic (mostly, anyway)'. I was hoping SO SO badly Wendy and Gus would stay platonic besties forever, simply because it's cute and stuff like that barely happens. praying to GOD. but I knew deep down it was hopeless from the start. I don't like when media does that. 'oh, look! it's a boy and a girl of the same age meeting as kids! OBVIOUSLY the only possible route to go from here is romance, RIGHT?' I mean i'm biased as a gay enby chronically online person who thinks these stereotypes are shit but it's true. don't get me wrong. I love wendy. I love her so, so so much. but just- WHY?! I was at least hoping it would be somebody we didn't know or something. oh well.

i mean, I guess they only held hands a few times and sat together as old people, so maybe there's a tiny little chance it wasn't romantic? but they also had grandkids. yk what fuck canon. they're old besties. I think they'd be cute either way but I just prefer them friends.

SO. the sweet tooth fanfic community. it's admittedly nonexistent. I went to check the tag earlier and like- what?? it's ALL weird shit. there was like three good ones but just like why Is that all of what's in our fandom?? guys, we have not done well.

I call upon all ao3 authors and encourage them write sweet tooth (if you want to). It doesn't even matter if it's a short fluffy or angst drabble, we just need to wash the weird shit out. go ahead and post that 200 word interaction you wrote between big man and Gus in the aftermath. we need more good fic in this fandom, DESPERATELY.

and why did the writers put Gus through so much. like his dad dies, he's captured, traumatized, mutilated, shot in the leg, shot in the back, traumatizedx100 on the boat, watches his mom get murdered to protect him, has his father figure almost die multiple times, has a scientist try to kill him with a knife while holding him down multiple times, fucking snaps, and idek. WHYYYYYY. WHAT DID HE EVEN DO TO DESERVE THIS?? WHAT DID ANYBODY DO IN THIS SHOW TO DESERVE ALL THAT HAPPENED TO THEM?????? man....

I think that's all that's in my brain? this wasn't really a review just me spitting words.

moral of the story, I have adopted Gus and that is that. if you managed to get through all this you have a longer attention span than everybody I know combined when they try to listen to me ramble so congrats lmao

and I know I only brought up a few things but don't even get me started on Zhang, Rosie, and her kids because I will not shut up. and Jordan. Jordan why did you do that. and Munaq, that poor guy. ANYWAY I gotta stop talking now cuz it's 9:45pm byeee

[maxfandoms]

Day feelings towards Night

Hi, Hello! I see a lot of people who see Day blame Night for the accident and are like but "Day's actually the one at fault in the end for taking his eyes of the road" or "Day is just taking his anger out on Night" and you're right but

Day know it was accident, he know deep down that Night didn't do anything and it also not just as simple as Day taking out his anger on Night, it is part of it but it's more complicated than that

So as someone who is familiar in the department of "Being angry/furious with family members who did sh*tty things but are trying to move on or be better" and also as someone who has been right about Day's emotion before I'm just here to give a rambly perspective on things. So Let's Start

(Also side note: I am going to talk about how Day's view Night more and not actually how Night is because this two are so completed different things for now at least)

We know that Day's know it was accident, and even if it was in someone choice it was Day's. Day choose to go the club and Day choose to take his eye off the road and the things is even before this episode, and even when I wrote my thoughts on Night & Day i kind of knew that would be Day's choice that lead to the accident in a ironic way (I was thinking that maybe Day knew he shouldn't be playing because that could risk his vision as well but that didn't happen) But I still understand because

What Day is actually angry about

Let start bit by bit, First with this line by the dad especially this part right here "You once wanted him to be". Combine this with Night saying "Who's the big brother?" it paints a picture of relationship where Day was the more responsible of the two (the national badminton player, seems good at school) while Night feel like maybe he was lost and maybe partying so Day was the one taking care of Night

It says a lot that the first flashback we got about Night & Day is Day in the role of taking care of Night, making sure he's will get home safe when now it's Night doing that

Also just look at difference in the way Day looks hearing Night, like in the first one has a bitt of annoyance, but there's a care and fondness that make me cry a little bit since I knew what was coming

With this dialogue, Day makes it clear that he doesn't feel Night's action are genuine, that they don't come from Night's care and love for him. And can I just say, Day is not completely wrong on that assumption

Night loves Day? Yes. The thing is though Night's guilt is def a factor in the way he's behaving right now and despite the fact that Night's recklessness was about his own struggle than his feelings towards Day's. Day doesn't know that, what he does know is that after the accident, Night became more caring, gentle towards him.

What think happen in Day's mind every time that Night is kind is this: "Now you can be a good brother? Now that you think you hurt me so much you can be what I wanted you to be? Now that the spot of the 'golden child' is vague? Not out of love on genuine care? Why couldn't before? What was stopping you?"

And a lot of you may be thinking that is should be easy to connect the dots, however it's not. Because I think Day thinks that if he were to try and reach out towards Night, it would just go back to the way things were and Night would fall back in the same recklessness behavior (Could this be a little projection? Yes but let's not talk about that)

This part can be interpret in a lot of ways, because from what asked around Day uses ‘เสียใจ’ which means ‘sad’ but it could also mean ‘feel sorry for something’. So this could be that Day's is feel like he taking a responsibility for the accident, I think that could be one way to interpret it

But what if it's more than that? What if he's also feeling sorry than he can seem to let go of his resentment, that despite Night's trying Day is not ready to trust him to be a good brother?

TL:DR Day's anger is not about the accident, but about everything that Night is doing after it. Day blame Night for not being able to be a good brother BEFORE the accident which it unfair because Night was dealing with own thing before but Day needed a big brother for long time that he is hurt from the waiting

[akirathedramaqueen]

Two completely random things I might regret dropping here later. But I think I need to get it out of my system and maybe it'll help me stop being a whiny insufferable grouch I've become the last days partially because of today's episode coming out.

TW for self-hatred (mine) and suicidal thoughts (not mine, don't call psych ward on me, please; and it's not in the post itself, only in the song it mentions later on).

One.

Waiting for Ghostfuckers fucked me up completely. Like not in a fun way. In a 'I've considered dropping this show despite how much I love it' way. Because it touches on a topic so deep and personal to me I am not sure I want to be inadvertendly called out like that. So I stopped checking tumblr, I avoided any HB mentions, I couldn't write two lines in the fic without being triggered (so if I ignored your tags or messages or replies—sorry!). Don't know since when I've become so sensitive. I actually took pride in being quite callous to everything. But apparently here I am.

It's not like the show is the sole reason my mental health went down the drain in the past weeks. Of course not. It's just that was the last fucking drop which sent me spiraling.

If anything, I dare to say it actually helped me understand myself better in many ways and learn to try to accept some fuck-ups I've done with my life, that it might be just fine to be fucked up a little.

Reason for all this rambling? None. Guess I just relate to Blitzø hard in this way and I am afraid to see even uglier side of myself. And maybe if you feel the same way about the silly demon show, I don't blame you, I am with you. But fuck it, I embrace it. Fucking hit me with that episode and leave me in shambles. I'm not ready, but hey, I am the AT and the FUCKING PENGUIN SHORT survivor, it can't be worse than that, right?

RIGHT?

(Watch me fucking crawl in the corner and wail in like? 8 hours from now on?)

Two.

I have that song on repeat, and its chorus is what I think characterizes all Blitzø's actions. Not the song itself though. This is the case where I take the chorus out of context deliberately, because the rest of it, well . . . this is TW-worthy. Suicidal thoughts TW-worthy. Consider it your warning.

So I'm just focusing on this part.

My personal hell, I'll bury it, bury it Weight of the world, I'll carry it, carry it Pile it all on, I've gotta be strong For somebody, for somebody Put my pain in a pill, I'll swallow it, swallow it Too numb to feel, I'm hollow, I'm hollow I have to hold on, I've gotta be strong For somebody, for somebody Somebody else

It's so Blitzø, isn't it?

Burying his trauma so that he can get through another day. Not realizing it keeps chipping away from his life however he tries ignoring it.

Swallowing his immense guilt and act brash. Put his pride on display, not realizing it's not the opposite of shame, but its source (I thank ATLA for this great quote).

Taking responsibility for literally everything happening around him. No matter if he could help it or not.

He's gotta be strong, he has to hold on and pile it all on. For somebody. Somebody else, who matters more than he does.

[holographic-mars]

Have you ever cooked up a coswave fan child? If so, can we see them?

I have not!!! Unfortunately I have a disease called Not Being Creative so making OCs and fan characters is almost impossible for me.

I have, however, dabbled in an AU idea where Soundwave and Cosmos find a little protoform bitlet and took it in bc they had no idea what else to do and the bitlet was temporarily dubbed “little spaceboy ” bc they found him abandoned in (you guessed it) space.

Cosmos is immediately enamored by the little mech. Soundwave has deemed himself an unfit guardian so he kinda. Glances at it and then walks off, and Sky-Byte won’t ever admit it but he’s also totally in love with the little bit as well.

Stuff happens, we get some filler episodes, and then eventually we get to a point where The bitlet is Not Happy and it’s constantly crying. Nobody can calm it down. Sometimes thundercracker can get it to stop crying and refuel but only for a short period of time.

Everyone is passing the little mech around trying to find out what to do while also blaming everyone else for making the bitlet cry, and eventually it ends up in Soundwave’s arms. A couple minutes pass of loud yelling amongst the crew, and finally someone (Rumble) yells “everyone shut up the bitlet isn’t crying anymore!!” And everyone panics bc holy shit. They killed the kid.

But no, the little mech is pressed against soundwave’s chassis as soundwave rumbles a nearly inaudible purr from his long-unused dock (an age old tactic Ravage used to calm down Soundwave in the Dead End. Soundwave learned that he could somewhat mimic the purr if he repeatedly winds and unwinds the spools in his chest. It worked with calming down his cassettes in moments of distress, so it only felt natural to do it now).

So now the baby is transferred to the custody of Soundwave (even though he fully believes he is not guardianship material) and Cosmos naturally is along to help.

Cosmos becomes the world’s most doting partner and scurries around to make sure Soundwave and the bitlet have enough stuff to be okay. Soundwave is sitting in the berth with the little mech against his chassis and Cosmos is flitting around with blankets and energon and bitlet-wipes trying to help as much as he can.

Eventually soundwave makes him lie down in berth with him and warm the bitlet and Cosmos is happy to comply. He rambles about how good Soundwave is with the little mech and how caring and wonderful he is and how he looks so good as a guardian and please oh please can we have a bitlet pleaseeee and Soundwave gets so flustered and embarrassed he just puts a pillow over Cosmos’ head and goes right to sleep (while still cradling the bitlet).

Ravage and the cassettes play a big role in taking care of the little mech but that’s a lot of ideas to write out and I scrapped the au idea eventually bc it requires more creativity than I have.

But yeah! Idk! It was a silly little idea bc I do love parental figures coswave,,, oufhhhg,,,,,,,

THANK YOU FOR THE AASKK!!!!!! I APPRECIATE YOU!!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️🛸🛸🛸🛸

[fantasticalleigh]

Rewatching old RAW from 2020 and it’s so interesting to see how the Randy vs Drew feud went down because there wasn’t that much intensity behind it so when they announced their Hell in a Cell match I just sat there like huh neato. But seeing how differently (and WELL) built the Punk vs. Drew feud was handled leading up to HIAC and all the emotion and excellent promos and hatred behind it is incredible. The difference is literally night and day (and Drew and CM Punk have chemistry for days compared to Randy vs. Drew).

Of course one has to factor in that the Orton vs. Macintyre feud feels like it was a lot shorter (I haven't checked to see how long it lasted but it definitely doesn't feel like 10-11 months' worth of content) and of course there was different leadership at the time AND it was in the Covid Thunderdome era so of course all that impacted the show heavily but it still has to be noted how much better one feud was executed over the other.

Also “I’m Randy fucking Orton and I demand the WHC title for the 13th time because I say so” is much much much less compelling as an opponent for Drew over “you injured me and halted my career for several months, then stole something precious from me and mocked my family, thus invoking the pettiest fucking man in the roster. It’s fucking go time.”

In 2020 Drew was a huge babyface, having come back and proven himself as worthy of champion status. He was a fighting champion and let anyone who wanted a shot at the title to try. He'd had his own irl hero's journey to make his way back to the WWE and got along with most of the roster and seemed well-liked by most. He was cocky but honorable and booked like a beast.

In 2023-24 so far he’s the broken down, deeply bitter, deeply angry man who’s been disillusioned by everything that’s happened to him to the point he’s turned into the opposite of what he once was. It’s been absolutely fascinating to go through the archives and see how he is such an opposite of who he used to be. He’ll blame everyone but himself for the challenges he’s faced and each loss he’s taken. He’s so determined to get back the gold, he’s blinded to everything else and doles out destruction wherever he goes. And Punk brings out the worst in him and he brings out the worst in Punk. They're holding up mirrors to each other fighting over who gets to say they've been wronged the most. They had months of slowburn where Punk was out injured and it was just Drew in the ring with a mic and it still delivered. And (though I haven't watched the Drew/Orton HIAC yet) at this point, having watched (and gone insane over the punkintyre HIAC match) I don't think anything can compare to that at this point.

There's more I could and would like to add to this but I've rambled beyond the point I set out to make so I'll cut myself off here.

(Must add the caveat that I know there are huge swaths of lore and character developments I'm missing from 2019+2021-23 and everything behind that. I only started watching WWE in March of this year and have picked through content to watch and learn from over on Youtube and Peacock. Currently I'm only focusing on all the RAW 2020 episodes but will continue in chronological order and maybe do the same for Smackdown starting in 2020 at a later date. There just...so much to get through... @-@)

[one-strugling-bean]

Update on my TMA binge: 1st season has been finished.

Below are my main sticking points:

The voice acting is so gooooooood!! Im loving everyone's voices - they all portray their characters emotions and personalities so well!

Jon kinda has the golden medal tho, since hes by far the most prominent voice

Abt the side characters - Martin took me by surprise so hard when he first spoke. I was expecting like..... A big, chill himbo. Kinda like Kronk or Launchpad but less loud, with a grave voice. (Ig part of me had imagined the Martin from Adventure Time?) I was def not expecting the voice of a prepubescent teen.

Anyway, he's baby. Precious to no end but also surprisingly useful and smart? He's an absolute 10/10 I mean. Would buy him sweets and listen to his rambles abt spiders (jon how can you call him a useless ass, he's so un-insultable??? q~q)

Sashaaaaaaa what happened to my favorite gurl???? And also the only one... She was literally the only reason everyone else escaped the worms, Sasha saved everyone's butts. By far the most competent and brave of the squad - a true Gryffindor u-u

But im afraid she died from whatever got her in the storage unit... I've been skimming through the comment section on each episode's youtube video, and some of them seem to imply she's dead for good... I reaaaaally don't want that to be true, she was so cool!! and the single holder of the Archives braincell!! I dont want her to die ;-;

And Tim!! Tim had the least amount of recorded time, but he's already a fave too. Him pretending to be Jon right before Sasha tackled him was so so funny. Also, ig he's kinda what I thought Martin would be. So no losses there!

Elias is.... Weird. Weird in the sense that he seems so obviously suspicious, i hesitate to pin the blame of anything on him. Like it's too easy to be true you know??? Like they're making him look shady on purpose to distract us from the actual shadiness going on. Idk though. He's shown up so little until now he might just have nothing to do with nothing, or be the big final boss. He's got me very confused (also his voice is sooooo cool, i love it. He gives me stern professor vibes)

How much the statements creep me out highly depends on what they're abt. Like, so far, the scariest have been Piecemeal 14#, Lost John's Cave 15#, and Infestation 39# purely because of all the screaming.

And abt the bigger story..... Idk about anything yet, but I'm very curious indeed.

The Dreamer #11 keeps coming back to me when i try to piece it together. Wth was supposed to happen to Gertrude?? Did it come to pass, and it was somehow how she ended up shot, or... did she find a way to kill herself so as not to have to face that fate?? And now Jon has to because he's in her place???

I rly dunno abt anything yet. Im just vibin and listening to all these spooks and having fun. I shall continue doing so rn actually.

End statement or whatever :p

(part 3 has been posted)

[harocat]

I really want to babble about how thematically, this ending makes no sense, and it's so contrary to what we've seen up to this point, and how it's not just that it's sad and that TTJ deserves better (though both are true); it's a story about a man who wanted to die that ends up with him… basically committing assisted suicide to save the world, because well, I guess he was right to want to die all along, even though his reasons were ALWAYS because of the cruelty of others, not because of his own self.

Then he finally gains agency and a life that he wants to live, a simple life filled with love and fulfillment that is enough for him, and he doesn't want to die any longer. And it’s taken away from him and he is forced to go back into that mindset of seeking death. He was ready to live. He’d defied fate and he was ready to live. It’s bad. It’s not fulfilling. We already KNEW he would do anything to save LSS and her world. We didn’t need that proven.

It doesn't matter how hard you fight against your fate, how much you love and how much you strive to be a better person, if you are doomed to suffer and die, you will, is what TTJ's story tells us. And if you want to die, you may as well give in, because happiness never lasts.

I also want to ramble about how unfair it was to LSS, who at the end was deprived of agency and essentially just shifted around wherever she was needed, not being allowed to make decisions of her own. How episode thirty-five WOULD have been a much better ending, and if anything, what we see in TTJ's bo’re life in episode thirty-nine reinforces this.

But more than that it's just upsetting to me because this was such a good show, that presented such compelling ideas and did so in SUCH an entertaining way. And yes the scenery and costumes and aesthetics absolutely slapped. It's gorgeous as hell. But also the character dynamics were interesting and complex, and their relationships were easy to get invested in. There were fascinating relationships among the entire cast as well, not just between the leads and couples (XL and TTJ, LSS and Pian Ran). Yes, there were missteps along the way; the dream arc was about twice as long as it needed to be, and even Clam Gege and his sparkles could not save it, the show plodded along a bit in the early thirties (episodes like thirty-three were super disjointed because of time cuts), Mo Nv was added in as a new character for who knows what reason, etc. But nothing is perfect. This is still one of the better shows I’ve watched in a long time, and I was on edge for every new episode. A genuine enemies to lovers story with chemistry and anguish, hatred and tenderness, sometimes all at the same time. I was obsessed.

And… Tantai Jin is one of the best male leads I’ve seen for years. He’s so layered, so interesting, and so heartbreaking, and Yunxi does a beyond incredible job with every moment of his portrayal of him. He’s legitimately a tour de force in the role. Yunxi and Bai Lu both deserved better than this. But a great lead requires deserves a story that lives up to him, and TtEotM isn't that.

I hate that TTJ is going to probably kind of fade into obscurity, at least among English speaking fans, because people are going to be rightfully wary of recommending this drama now. And I can’t blame people, because if I’d known the ending, I probably wouldn’t have watched either. It left me feeling so empty today, and not in a ‘wow hurts so good’ way that true, well done, and cathartic tragedy does.

One can hope youku releases a ‘fix it’ clip like has happened with some other shows, that at least gives a happier ending for TTJ and LSS. Even then, that’s kind of putting a bandaid over a gaping wound, because a lot of the issues with the ending will still exist, but at least it might make it so I can recommend it with a ‘yeah the ending isn’t great, but it’s overall really good.’ And no the audio clip does not cut it.

[tansyuduri]

Hi, do you mind if I ask, what do you think are Merlin and Arthurt’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Thanks if you want to answer....

Of course, I'll answer! I love answering questions! It's hard for me to put into words the answer to the first question. (For some reason these things are a LOT easier to express in fic) For Merlin it is devotion to the people closest to him. This is a man who will do almost anything for those he cares about. He will choose them EVERY TIME. He might struggle with it and choose something else might be more objectivly "right" and feel bad about it.

And some of his greatest struggles deciding what to do come from having to decide between what he is told might happen in teh future (AKA kid mordred and early morgana) and what to do now.

But usually he will choose the well being of the people he cares about (ESP ARTHUR) Especially if no one around him is in imidate danger (AKA Sins of the father magic statement) By season 5 this is at an extreme level and he has Arthur tunnel vision. The key thing here is this comes from a place of caring. It comes from him caring so much. Its his kindness and golden heart twisted by destiny, responsability, and some pretty horrible advice (That at least from one source is ALSO well-meaning) Hes basically told from day one that the entire responsibility for keeping Arthur safe is ALL on him. And he takes that to heart. For Arthur It's harder to pinpoint. But 99.9 percent of it is generational trauma from uther. From having a hard time expressing and processing emotions. (leading to lashing out) To the self-hate that spurs a lot of his acting out and trying to be more sure of himself. Hes a good person but doesn't always know how to express it right because he was not given the right tools. One thing I bring up in one of my fics is also that I'm pretty convinced at least subconsciously one of the reasons Arthur has such a hard time with magic is that IF it's good then in his view his very birth caused horrible things to happen to innocent people. He would self-blame. (Despite it being on uther) Despite this, he still asks himself questions about it being good. This is a bit rambly. Their best personality trait, for both of them as far as I am concerned are their hearts of gold. They are human but they are both such GOOD people. Now for their dynamics, I'm a sucker for banter so thats one thing. But I think what I like most about them both is that they can/could help heal each other. They are good for each other. Given time I think they would help each other heal from their trauma and the hardships they have faced. Just by being themselves. (I kinda live for that dynamic) We didn't get to see this as much from Arthur because so much was kept from him until the last episode. As someone who has deals with trauma a lot the idea of a pairing that can help heal each other and help each other be better is VERY appealing. We didn't get a chance to see the full extent of that in cannon though we do see a lot. One of the most important and meaningful parts of writing fanfic for me is being able to see them heal a bit, and help each other with that. (though a lot of Arthurs happens in the prequal fic to the one I am posting right now. Fair warning. The one I posting ATM mostly focuses on Merlin Trauma)

[retrobr]

Lazytown Shenanigans Pt. 9

Oh no she's back...

Well... It's been a while, I should say. I haven't been making any Lazytown Shenanigans posts mostly because I haven't watched the show at all all this time, but now I'm kinda at it again (I don't know for how long tho, but still)

I've watched three episodes in these three days, but I would like to describe my impressions of only one of them: the "Purple Panther" one. I don't really feel like rambling about all of them, plus my current mental condition just doesn't allow me, so I hope you buddies understand me 😭

But the "Purple Panther" episode made a really good impression on me, so I can't help but talk about it at least a little bit. Ok well not a little bit, this post is going to be very long (and pretty emotional in some parts), so bear with me I guess :/

Ok well,

"Purple Panther."

The very first thing I'd like to point out is that for some reason it was in this episode that I first noticed the view of the town from above:

Compared to how empty the landscape seemed, for example, in the "Rockin' Robbie" episode, the surroundings here look pretty fascinating; I mean we can see a lot of things here, from numerous reservoirs to Robbie's lair. I legit want to live here

The next thing that kinda amused me, though it rather touched me, was that Sport rejoices in every little thing happening around. The sun came out from behind the clouds — he is happy and laughing. A rainbow appeared in the sky — he is happy and laughing. Be like him guys and enjoy every little thing in your life 🕺

The scene in which Ziggy visited Stingy also amused me a little bit; mostly because of their interaction and damn, the way Stingy said "gold" just sent me to another dimension (though I think it happened later after their meeting, but whatever I don't remember already). What was that "GUULD" buddy like 😭

Also this painting on his wall seemed kinda creepy to me (not creepier than Ziggy's face on this frame but whatever 💀):

Who's that odd man? Why is his image hanging on Stingy's wall? Could it be that this is an image of his father? Because as far as I remember his father is rich, and there are bags of money around the man in the painting. I'm overthinking things too much again

I was a little confused by the lack of a museum in the town to be honest. Like this little bunch of kids had to arrange everything themselves, and yet they didn't have a museum all this time before this event. What was Milford thinking? As mayor he had to make sure that there was something remarkable in the city bruh. He was too busy simping for Bessie apparently

Since I mentioned Bessie, I remembered one minor scene that kinda... surprised me at first?? When she brought her very first telephone and started dialing a phone number on it she started with 555, and I honestly thought that she's going to call Robbie because his phone number starts with 555 😭

Holy smokes I didn't really want to inject any negativity into this post (because I have enough of it in real life atm), but Stingy stunned me a little in a bad way: the bro climbed the stairs to pick up the town clock, of course for personal reasons, fucked up with his "mission," then he was saved by Sport and after all this sloppiness HE ASKED HIM TO GIVE HIM THE CRYSTAL? THE BRO GOT TOO IMPUDENT LIKE WHAT THE HECK-

But that's not all; why in the world did Sport actually give him the crystal.. My boy, this beeping thing on your chest is warning you of people in danger, and that goofster has already had a bad experience with your crystal and like... life doesn't teach you anything huh? I can't blame him because he's sweetly silly and naive, but considering that the person he entrusted his crystal to is Stingy, I don't quite understand why he did it so easily. Even if that was for the sake of the museum.

A couple of words about ROBBIE MY GOOFSTER I haven't rambled about him for so long.. The bro was watching sports elves as usual, even when all the interesting actions were over, but yeah, we cannot blame him for that ok? I like how he sees an opportunity to dedicate his day to Sport and kids in every event that happens outside. The true simp acquires his regalia for a reason /j

Now let's talk about the actions in the museum. I quite liked the paintings and exhibitions there, although some of them looked kind of creepy, like this one:

I don't have anything to say about it bye 💀

But I have something to say about good-looking things. I think glasses suit Milford:

I mean if they had left the glasses as his permanent accessory, he would've looked a lot more mayorish (this isn't even a word but WHO CARES, you know what I mean) than he was originally. And Bessie looks like my grandmother when she was younger, and it makes me feel a certain type of joy 🥹

Not far away from the topic of the mayor, I did not fucking expect that that bronze statue of Milford was not a statue at all but GODDAMN ROBBIE IN DISGUISE. I always thought like haha, stupid Lazytown citizens, they're so easy to fool just by dressing up as another person, but this time this goofster was able to trick even me that's it 😭

From that moment on I completely forgot to take any screenshots because what happened next legit short-circuited my brain

That scene. That scene. In which Robbie tries to steal the crystal. My brothers and sisters in Christ, my vocabulary is not enough to describe my delight when I watched all these manipulations. I feel like I'm about to blow up because WHAT HAHNDNEJEJEKWKWK HOLY SMOKES THAT WAS SOMETHHIIIIIING IT SCRATCHED MY BRAIN IN THE RIGHT PLACE

I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW THAT HE COULD MOVE LIKE THAT. BRO IS SUPER LAZY BUT HE MOVES LIKE A SNAKE HEHEHHEHEHEHH I'M SO GIDDY SORRY I'M AN INADEQUATE PERSON

But that's not all oh noooo no no. First of all, he ohoohho kissed the crystal when he finally got it. The crystal, which is a part of Sport. No I'm not overthinking things again, you're just imagining it. /j /silly

Second of all, his second disguise was so silly at first, but when he began to talk it sent me to another dimension AGAIN. French accent. Wow huh I- ummm.. it made me feel a certain way — giddy again I suppose, because I was smiling like an idiot every time he said something. I just genuinely love it when he imitates all sorts of accents, like French, Scottish, or Russian (when he says "brilliant" with that rolling "r" my brain starts buzzing heehee 🥰)

I'm pretty sure this is one of my absolutely favorite disguises of his from now, his silly moustache just won my heart ngl

Damn I really sound like I'm a crazy goof but whatever. It's not like someone reads it till the end so I can probably say whatever I want lmaoo

Ok I really need to get a more constructive kind of narrative again, I really probably sound like a freak. I was somehow surprised that Robbie started jumping rope on his own will, justifying it by saying that he thinks better that way. Hmmm ok ok mister, we, of course, will believe it. I just really didn't understand why he started doing it, except that he probably needed to ruin the exhibits in some way lol

Without going far away from the topic of my favorite sillies, it was somehow hard for me to watch how difficult it was for Sport to grab an apple. My boy struggled so intensely that he even gave up a couple of times... Don't get me wrong, I really like Robbie and his goofiness, but all those mean things that he does to Sport make me feel kinda sick sometimes. Poor Sport doesn't deserve any of this shit; the boy's too sweet too kind too nice to be tortured :(

I'll probably omit all the other details about the chase scene because this post is already too long, but I want to point out one thing from the final scene.

Sport forgave Stingy and said that 'it's alright to make mistakes as long as you learn from them,' and it clearly was directed towards Stingy, but dear... It was, uh, your own fault to give the crystal to Stingy in the first place because such a situation already happened in the past, and you very obviously haven't learned a lesson from it. Stingy has some blame on him, of course, but Sport is an adult man and he should've realized that if he gave away his crystal it wouldn't end well. So he was the one who made a mistake imo..

Well, that's kinda it. This post came out long and in some parts inadequate again, as usual, so I doubt that someone will read it till the end. But if someone did, thank you heehee :33

Have a good day y'all. The shit in my life has been going kinda crazy lately, so I hope every one of you is happy and safe 💜

[ella-norah]

Ella watching Love Sea episode 2

Okay, so yesterday, the second episode of Love Sea aired, and I am watching it today, and rambling about it. If you want to read my rambles, feel free to continue reading the post below ♥

Also, this time i'll try to be shorter than last time, so there will be only one post for the episode and less images, but hope it's good enough.

Starting the episode with direct continuation of the last one and the moment Mut and Rak are off the boat and on the beach. Rak is still pouting and grumpy, which is very understandable considering how scared he looked (and there's probably a story about that reaction that's likely deeper than just fear of not being able to get off the boat since he's in the middle of the ocean) when Mut jumped in the water and Rak didn't know where Mut was.

Right now, both Mut and Rak are being stubborn - Rak to push Mut away and Mut to get Rak to forgive him. Something tells me that it'll take more than the fresh clamps, though they do look quite fresh and delicious.

Peat's expressions here, his portrayal of Rak is so damn good. The way he wants to accept, but also fights it and looks at Mut annoyed is chef's kiss.

Here are some pictures of the beach scene that happened as Rak accepted the piece of clamp meat in his mouth. Gosh the expressions are making me go feral! *screams internally*

The almost kiss had me squeal out loud. Honestly! Like I didn't expect it to happen so soon (not that it did, but it's clear they both wanted to)

And yet, Rak still seems convinced it won't happen again. (what am i willing to bet it will happen...)

The scene with girls is so good. Mook is still a nervous mess because of Vi, and that is honestly such a mood. And Vi is still so manipulative. (and they're both so prettyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)

it suddenly feels very hot in the room (or is it just them??)

"I won't take you to bed" "This isn't bed" (bites her lip to not scream some more)

It will never happen again, huh?

Such amazing kissing scene - so much chemistry, heat and desire - i love this.

There's no screenshots because the scene simply needed to be watched - not screenshots time XD

I can't wait for Mut to find out that Rak gets sex and romantic scene inspiration from actually experiencing them -> this confusion would make so much more sense in that case.

I love that they used Peat's photos for google search about Rak. It just fits.

Tha amazing amazing manipulations from Vi, and the sweet innocence from Mook -> those make quite a dangerous and delicious combination. And I have no doubt Vi just loves the attention she gets from Mook. And who could blame her? Mook is so cute.

Another moment when the room feels so damn hot. Gosh, they are so hot! Rak watching Mut in shower, and then making first move! MAKING FIRST MOVE!!! Ahhhh

That lip bite is so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

THE MARKS! GOSH, THE MARKS!! Mut is quite a biter, isn't he

I have a feeling Vi will make anything she can to keep Mook there in her room. Just a feeling.

Mook ranting how Vi is keeping her from going home and Vi is just nodding along and looking at Mook like Mook's the most adorable. (she so is, Vi's not wrong)

The conversation between Palm and Mut is very interesting, especially the bets part. And of course Mut is certain Rak won't be interested.

Rak is quite possessive, truly quite possessive. I love that so much!!! so so much!! The way he just walks up to Mut and the girls and leans in to kiss Mut on the cheek (i haven't gotten the angle for that particular screenshot, so bear with these two)

"He's mine" - why don't you just kill me now??

The look Rak gives to girls on the table is so aaaaaaaaaaaaa

And Mut is so not complaining about this

Ohhhh, I love a bike ride scene!!

I agree with Mut, Rak is really adorable!!

Of course Palm caught them! Why am I not surprised?

I love the little not-date Mut and Rak are on.

Poor Mut, kicked out of house at 15. I'm curious about what happened to cause that... Though, I really admire the way he's so hard-working and the way he managed to get as far as he has.

Ohhh, they're going diving! Sounds fun (for them exclusively, i could never go diving myself)

Rak's backstory is absolutely making me cry.

I am so thankful Mut got there in time. So thankful

Poor poor poor Rak - i want to give him big big hug.

And that concludes me watching this episode and rambling about it. I have to admit that this episode pulled all the feels out of me - first my brain was brrr-ing for NC scenes, and then I got all soft for ViMook, and then I cried. Such amazing episode, pulling my heartstrings like that.

[summer-serendipity]

There’s a new letter in your mailbox. The ocean stamp on it gives who it was from away as soon as you see it.

You open it, the letter is pretty long. Couldn’t he have just met you in person for this…? Perhaps he was too scared.

It reads,

Hey, Augs. I’m sure you can tell who this is from. Thank you for the other day, I’m sorry I lashed out at you so bad. I was really struggling. I promise I wouldn’t have actually hurt you though.

I got my wrist checked, by the way. Turns out it’s not broken, just fractured. I know you didn’t mean to push me that hard though, haha. I would’ve done the same. But I got some pain meds so don’t worry about me.

I hope I didn’t scare you off. My doctor said I was probably in an episode…?? Haha…

Anyway. Sorry, I know I’m rambling. I just wanted to hear from you again, I guess.

Hope you’re doing okay. I love you.

— McCoy

( @gone-with-the-sea-breeze )

[ Oh, God. It smelled like the same summer breeze. He missed it. ]

"..."

[ Picking up a pen, he took a page from his notebook. It's lined, so that he doesn't have to worry about his words shaking or anything. ]

"Hey, Coy.

No, I don't blame you. I would have reacted the same way if that had happened to me too. I was pretty worried about you, man.

I'm so sorry about your friends. I'm sorry I couldn't help the way you wanted. I just want you to be happy.

I'm just I love you so much, Coy. Please take your meds and please remember to take care of your health as well, I can't wait to hang out again.

— Augustine ★"

[ His breathing was shaky. God. His tears have stained the letter. ]

"Uuuueh... Fuck...! I have to rewrite this!!"

[ He ripped the paper. Again. And again. ]

[ Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. ]

[ Until it was perfect again. ]

[ He needed to send it. Too bad his mother monitors all communication. ]

[ Well... time to see him. ]

[constantineshots]

these were some of the tags on the post where john was commenting on if facing demons was because he being self-destructive or if he was being enraged. i say both, and very much do agree with the tags, but i'm putting what i have to say on it under the cut because it's going to be a lot. trigger warnings for abuse, mentions of death/animal deaths, depression, etc. also a bit of rambling. this also somehow turned into psychoanalyzing. oopsie.

naturally, john and i have vastly different experiences regarding life, but i think there's a connect that helps me see things through his lens a lot more clearly, especially when it comes to the psychological.

just a bit of recap on my life i guess, but i'll just say "i got abused" and we'll move on from there. i can connect, in sum.

while john has newcastle and the deaths of friends under his belt, the abuse of his father, the blame of the death of his mother ( though i can't remember if he knew about his twin or not, but i don't think he did ), the magic, the killing animals, the killing of that one man all weighing on his shoulders and then much, much more, the trauma left behind was something i could easily connect with because of the depression, the self-destruction, the instances where even he himself is debating on suicide and alludes to it consistently, while also doing things to save his own ass but also that could very easily kill him. it's conflicting.

for me, i was angry and self-destructive because i felt like the world hated me. i'm sure if there was some form of power that i thought could help make me feel more powerful and i had less of an obligation to my siblings of whom faced the same treatment, i would have taken it and ran with it, too.

but there are things you start to do. you learn to lie to keep yourself out of trouble, give the people hurting you the truths they want to hear and it's something you learn to do in every day life. you'd say something that fed into what they wanted to be the truth and get the same abuse anyway, except the arguments wouldn't be as long and you'd get out of the situation faster. it's a bit of a morbid way to look at it, but while people tell you to "fight back", it's not that easy. i think it's why i connect to john so much- he didn't necessarily fight back against his dad from what we could tell until he eventually did the spell to keep his dad sick. and people will constantly say "i'd just fight back", or "i wouldn't have let that happen to me when i was a kid" and that ends up enforced in some medias that people write.

john does a lot of running and ducking his head and getting other people wrapped up in his shit. it's a path of destruction because he doesn't realize, at first, that it's going to be as big of a shit show as he thinks. for example, with ritchie, when ritchie says "oh i can handle it no worries john it's my expertise" etc. and john trusts it- he needs something done, and someone's willing to do it. but then ritchie ends up another person hurt or dead in what he thinks is his own fault.

you get told the same thing so many times throughout your life that you eventually start to believe it. sometimes, things just fuck up. you get called killer all your life, it only takes so long before you think that, well, maybe you're the curse. maybe you're all the bad shit that everyone says you are.

i do want to note that john does have dissociative episodes, especially in the newer run of hellblazer and he straight up says that. however, as someone who's taken so many psychology classes that i probably could have gotten a degree in it had my university provided the program, that doesn't necessarily mean a disorder, but it does usually fall under ptsd, depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorders, borderline personality disorders, schizophrenia, and other disorders. most disorders fall under these categories, though.

i have c-ptsd, depression, anxiety, and probably a lot of other mental disorders not explored because of past traumas that i could probably connect to his self destructive nature, but john has also probably only seen the therapists in ravenscar that proceeded to give him electro shock therapy while everyone else who had the nerve decided to beat the fuck out of him because they thought he killed astra. so more trauma tacked on to john's little plethora of already traumatic memories.

to be technical, there is a difference between c-ptsd and ptsd. with c-ptsd, the symptoms tend to begin six months or more after the initial traumatic event. *cracks knuckles* there is also a difference in symptoms, though they aren't necessarily exclusive to one or the other. c-ptsd tends to also be a result of ongoing, repeated emotional traumas, and on top of that, holds the trauma of ptsd, and then more. to clarify, ptsd usually has symptoms of dissociative episodes, flashbacks, dreams and nightmares related to trauma, commonly taking part in self-destructive behaviors, etc. to tack onto c-ptsd's symptoms, there is the constant feeling of guilt, constant hate towards yourself, consistently believing the world is bad in general, etc. i also want to focus on the fact that c-ptsd usually stems from childhood abuse, which is why i personally think john has c-ptsd, and then it just got worse from there. but you can have both! that's possible. so. i mean. well. call it like it is, john's probably got both.

anyways, moving on! borderline personality disorder, or bpd, kind of changes somewhat person to person, but overall, i think that the symptoms can fit john, in some cases. i pulled up a list just to be a little more clear and concise, but there is "an intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection" and i would really like to point out that, most of the time, john likes to say things like "i'm not good for you" or "i walk this path alone" or. you know, things along that line. for the most part, he pushes people away before they can get close. "a pattern of unstable intense relationships" and i would like to use chas as an example, which i know people would hate, but there are quite a few moments throughout hellblazer where chas will literally tell john that he hates him or shove his face in a toilet and tell him that's where he belongs.... and john doesn't walk away, he just lets chas walk away and come back because. well. why not? he thinks he deserves it half the time. but also, most of john's relationships aren't exactly stable. half the time, his niece and sister don't want to see him, the other half are his relationships that end fairly quickly, and others are just. john being john. "...seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all." "impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success" the guy smokes after having of had lung cancer. what more do you want for an example. he also consistently does magic even though it's fucked over his life multiple times. again and again and again and he knows that it's fucking him over. unsafe sex can also be debated- in the newer version of hellblazer, he has an illegitimate son named noah that he didn't know existed, for example. and that's where i'll leave that. though in some cases, it can be argued as symptoms of ptsd, though it's possible he could have bpd.

this is going to be the last one, and i am not a doctor or anything but i think that it's possible he could have schizophrenia, or simply hallucinations as a result of any of the other disorders on here, which is sometimes possible but not exactly always common. based on john being an unreliable narrator, there is the suggestion that the ghosts that plague john constantly are not actually there, and that they might just be hallucinations. there are other symptoms of schizophrenia, but i've mostly covered them above. visual hallucinations also include people who are typically loved ones and friends who are no longer alive, i would like to add, but again, they could actually be ghosts, though it's somewhat possible that they're not. in the case that the ghosts are not real....

ANYWAYS. feel free to add more. i did it quick, but. there is this....