#SO GLAD some old friends are still around aaa

[turnsorrow]

It's nice to see you on the dash again! (Marionmaverick here)

THANK U FRIEND i'm so glad to be back, i missed alisaie ...

[coldercreation]

I know many people have said this before but the way Nathan was characterized is so realistically good. I relate a lot to what Nathan goes through and honestly wish he was real so him and I can be friends. Thank you for writing CYE and the whole series in general. With the way you write Nathan, if you don't mind me asking, what is the reference you used for him because he was the first person that was accurate!

Aaa, thank you so much<3 I'm so glad you have found CYE and the series and Nathan relatable, it means a lot to me and makes me really happy!

I'm not sure what you mean by reference, but if you mean the mental health aspects I used to build his character, I do have some specific research points that could be helpful. I also just recently posted about my personal vitamin deficiencies that most definitely have affected the way I describe feelings in my writing. As in, no matter what the characters' circumstances are or what's happening to them in the story, I will use my personal experience with anxiety, depression, "how life feels" to describe their anxiety, depression, "how their life feels". So, like I said in that post; ignoring what is causing Nathan's anxiety etc. in the story, if you relate to how he FEELS and how I have described those feelings... feeling(?), I'd recommend checking your vitamins lol.

I wrote in the tags of that post: "The description of Nathan's experience could and would still be rather accurate, even if you don't have these physical health issues! Depression and anxiety etc from a deficiency is still depression and anxiety. + When I write Nathan I have a set of mental health “maps” or “guides” for his character (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD). Yes I use my own feelings and experiences to describe his anxiety etc, but his character is built around these specific mental health markers / trauma research / symptoms etc (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD). So I'm pretty sure Nathan's POV would still look very similar based on just that research and ignoring the stuff about deficiencies."

I mentioned some of those mental health/trauma/character marker 'reference' points for Nathan in those tags. I've done a lot of reading into these topics and refer to them time to time whenever I get more into a Nathan's POV chapter where these things get more relevant. There's a bunch of old posts about my research on this blog too if you scroll down... forever hahah! (Go to the Archive and scroll all the way down to November 2019, that way you should be able to skim over most of the text posts that have some of my research. There's more hidden behind a few of the photo posts so you'll have to scroll through a bit more if you want to find everything😅)

I haven't really identified or "diagnosed" Nathan with anything specific, as that didn't really feel necessary nor even right to me. I looked into what his type of childhood experiences etc. could lead up to in adulthood and how they could possibly present themselves, and started building his story around that, trying to 'match' the psychology with his experiences. Sometimes I've also flipped the script the other way; After learning about a 'symptom' described in the research, I've introduced it for Nathan's character, and after that also included the circumstances that would've/could've led to him exhibiting that symptom. Often I also just wing it lmao; my writing is not medical information even though I do try to research a lot. It's all fiction, but with a psychology / self-help like twist? Or something.

Here's some of the research points for Nathan's character building:

C-PTSD = Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Emotional Flashbacks

CEN = Childhood Emotional Neglect | This was a big character source!

OCD = Obsessive Compulsive Disorder | Nathan has some tendencies

4Fs – Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Trauma/Stress responses | Nathan's character is built around the Freeze type (in his childhood situation, the other Fs weren't really an option for him; couldn't fight back, couldn't leave, couldn't change the situation by behaving 'well')

General Anxiety

Social Anxiety

(Self) Isolation | I also read about Hikikomori, and later about the effects of the pandemic Lockdowns and how those have been affecting us.

Chronic Shame

Mother Wound

etc.

Hope that's helpful if this was what you meant! Thank you again, I'm so glad you've liked my writing xx

[sorcerous-caress]

I find the fireball very lovable! Please do Minthara and Halsin!

Aaa thank you <33

Most of these are actually positive! Well, except for one. Sol is a hypocrite in some too.

Sol with companions 2

Minthara

Sol isn't sure why you're going through all of this effort to save a single person. What are you gaining out of it?

When Minthara is finally recruited and they get to know her a bit and evaluate her power, they still don't get it. Everything Minthara has is something the rest of the companions already offer, what can she give you that they can't?

What do you mean you're not doing this for gain but just because you...like her? You do know she doesn't like you back or any of us really right?

But you still like her? You still see worth in her beyond gain?

You're weird, Sol concludes, it's not Minthara that's weird, it's you.

Still... they are actually kinda glad you did save her, Ketheric reminded them back of when the red dragon discarded one of their siblings so easily. Minthara isn't half bad. She doesn't sugarcoat things, and she speaks directly, which is always a plus in Sol's book.

But unlike Lae'zel, Minthara is more closed off. It's clear that she has room for only one person in her heart or as a friend and that's clearly you. Sol begrudgingly admits they did attempt to bond with her but were met with rejection, doesn't matter really, it's her loss.

Since when did they even try to bond with people? This is just confusing. By act 2, you've been influencing them with your weird "make friends with everyone I see" attitude. So really this is your fault.

They like her more than they care to admit. They wonder what she thinks of them, but she is very hard to read. They laugh at her puns a lot. They think she is very funny unironicly. Especially her murder jokes, oh, those never get old.

Minthara would be able to see through them very easily. She'd be able to tell early that they want her approval but are playing hard to get on purpose. She might find it amusing and pathetic.

But she'll tell you that the one thing about Sol she sees worth in, is the fact despite all their claiming and facade, they aren't actually over their head when it comes to magic like most Sorcerers. It's the fact they learned fighting and considered the possibility of losing their magic and needing a plan B.

Despite them lacking emotional stability, they are taking precautions and handling it better than most spoiled brats Minthara has seen in her lifetime. They aren't blinded by love for magic and actually treat it as the unstable unpredictable force it is.

But don't tell them that. It won't boast their ego like you think but will put them on edge around you for seeing through them. Minthara tells you to keep it to yourself.

Sol doesn't know much about elves or drows, really, and the only other two options in the party are...kinda off limits for Sol, so they resort to Minthara to hearing about elf culture. Which results in Sol getting misinformed. They learn drow propaganda as actual facts for elves thanks to Minthara.

Wait, you're dating Minthara now? Damn that's cool. They're actually impressed by you managing to do that. You know if the two of you are down to one night of sharing...then Sol might actually consider it.

Halsin

Doesn't trust him, doesn't like him, doesn't talk to him, or even looks his way. Doesn't even try being mean to him they just fully avoid him. That's how much he unnerves them.

At first they were excited when you told them about rescuing an arch-druid. Even if you're a druid, you're cool and all but you're not really an arch-druid are you? They can't wait to meet him and ask so many questions.

Then they do eventually meet him, and they're silent. Not speechless just quietly observing him. The more he talks, the more he fusses over you, the more he tells you about his plans to save the grove and how he needs your help, how he promises to be by your side.

Oh, they definitely don't like him.

His whole gentle demeanour, his soft mannerism. They keep looking for any hint of suppressed rage under his skin, any trace of malicious intent.

Why was he so quick to touch you? Why was he so quick to trust you?

The various scars littering his body, not from battle no, but from surrender. From purposely letting an animal win against him just so he wouldn't cause them harm.

The way he looks at Sol with clear pity, still extending a hand of guidance as if they're too a stray dog waiting to be cured by him.

Sol feels sick to their stomach whenever he's nearby.

There's a line between kindness and condescension. Sol thinks Halsin doesn't see them as a person but a by product of their environment.

Much like the shadowcurse, something to be cured and cleansed. Never realising how the shadow curse gave life to different flora and fauna that had as much of a right to exist as other plants. That every plant is technically a weed and not just what you deem to be unfit for your garden.

They expected an arch-druid to see life in everything, to realise that nature extends beyond what mortals deem as the natural order. That rot and decay is also a stage of healing. They are beyond disappointed by Halsin and his boxed views, how he thinks he has the right to speak for mother nature.

They warn you about him countless times, how he is biting more than he can chew. During the choice between him and Minthara in the good grove run, they side with Minthara and tell you it's the best to pick her.

The whole struggle of Sol with love is their overwhelming possessiveness and jealousy, something that's probably a joke to Halsin which is why irks them more.

They don't even envy him for it. He just seems so out of touch with reality and emotions for them that he might as well be an alien. Lae'zel what possibly could be an actual alien is so much more closer to their heart and relatable than Halsin ever could be.

Any dialogue or banter they have with him is mostly Halsin speaking and Sol avoiding his questions, not rocking the boat, never revealing anything to him.

They disapprove of his good ending where he adopts so many children, as a person who grew up in a family of many kids, they tell you how it never goes well. How not one of them will get enough attention, how Halsin will stretch himself thin to attempt to parent these children and it still will never be enough.

A single child requires beyond what most people think, the amount of effort it takes to raise a single soul, to nurture it, and care for it. Halsin is wa over his head for thinking raising children would be as easy as caring for packs of animals in a grove of regrowing a forest.

Most of all, they hate Halsin's willful ignorance and refusal to live in reality. Endless optimism is a slow deadly poison.

Minsc

They tried being mean to him, Boo bit them, Sol learned about true consequences that day.

They still are mean, but they keep a safe distance between them and Minsc from now on, just so no flesh eating rodent munches on their scales.

But it is hard to be mean to him, you know? He just misunderstands their words and thinks they're compliments. They feel like a failure, they're supposed to be good at this.

Although...he is strong, and a ranger is basically a discount druid, right? He keeps giving them these suggestions and solutions for how to deal with their magic, none of them make sense or even remotely work, but Sol finds them entertaining. And it kinda shows that he does think about them and other people during his free time...that's kinda sweet.

Act 3 Sol is a much softer person than Act 1 and Act 2, which is why they warm up to Minsc faster. Why they don't hide their fondness for him, plus he is the only person they agree to play chess with because he is the only person they can beat.

They never want to ever re-experience the humiliation of losing to Karlach while the whole camp was watching. At least Minsc cheered for them that time, and every time they win against him, he seems like he had fun instead of being a bitter loser like Sol.

Also, they kinda see themselves in him? How he ignores the fact he lost an arm wrestling match to Halsin. Sol definitely relates. He is just so human and filled with flaws yet so accepting of them and all people, not fake or selfless kindness.

He told Sol that he would knock them out on their bum and let Boo bite them if they turned out like the other evil sorcerers. That promise made Sol admire him more. Sure, they never believed in concrete, evil, or good, but his sole dedication to the cause is admirable.

Plus, if he is willing to tell them this, it shows how he isn't afraid to lose their friendship, how he isn't trying to keep them around for gain.

He...reminds them of an older brother they used to have. Sol was so young when he met his end, when one day he went inside the locked fireproof room only for him not to be there by the morning. Only a pile of ash behind the door, even his bones didn't survive.

He always picked Sol up, spun them around, called them adorable and didn't believe in the whole being mean notion that their family insisted on and how it builds thicker skin.

After his death, Sol became just like their other siblings, just as mean and bitter. They wonder if he'd be disappointed in them if he saw them now, if he'd still think of them as adorable.

They ask Minsc to spin them around one day when none is nearby, Minsc doesn't ask questions and just does it. Sol is eternally grateful.

Jaheira

Now that's a druid they can respect. They make fun of her for being so old, and she returns it and calls them a clueless fetus. A friendship is blossoming.

At the start tho, they did give her shit for being a lacking mother. Sol always took her kids side and commented on how she should be there for them, how it is selfish of her to choose the safety of the world over her own children.

To Sol's surprise, Jaheira didn't deny it and accepted it. Yes she is a very flawed person and a selfish bad mother at times, yes she can never balance her work and family. But fuck Jaheira went through a lot all the shit the world through at her, the fact she is still surviving is a miracle.

So someone as green as Sol doesn't get the right to judge her unless they can do better than her, if Sol demands perfection then they better meet their own standards first.

That she did her best with what the world had to offer, and she will still choose to adopt her kids each time no matter how harder it made her life. Because at least she was there for them when the whole world turned their back on them.

Sol stares at her for a while, before saying how much they hate how right she is about it. Fine, they were wrong and hasty.

And since that day they held sort of a mutual respect to each other? But not in a teacher student kind, never that.

Jaheira still listens to Sol's comments and takes their criticism in stride, and tells Sol when their opinion is wrong or their advice is lacking. In a way, both learn from each other.

Sol doesn't see her as a mentor or an authority figure at all, more like a colleague, if anything. Although the same can't be said about Jaheira, who gets the same headache around Sol that she gets around her daughter Rion,

Jaheira thinks the two of them would be friend if they met but knows it will give their menaces a multipler of x4, so she just hopes these two never meet.

Alternative universe if they ever met.

Sol: Your mom's a bitch

Rion: I know, and yours a whore.

Sol: I know, I heard you got fired from the flamingfist.

Rion: So?

Sol: Wanna set their building on fire?

Rion: ...is this for a pun?

Sol: Yes.

Rion: Nice, let's go.

Tara

Of course, Tara absolutely hates Sol for bullying Gale, even if she agrees with some of their criticism. Gale is still her baby, and only she gets to make fun of him. That puny sorcerer better know their place before Tara throws up a hairball on their pillow.

So Tara pretends she is just a normal cat around them out of spite, just replies with meows and rolls her eyes.

Sol is none the wiser, they think she is just a normal cat that happened to have wings. I mean some sorcerers are humans who happened to sprout dragon wings too so in Sol's world view it makes perfect sense for a cat like Tara to exist.

Worst of all, they think Tara likes them which is why she ruins their stuff a lot. They have no concept or frame of reference for how most animals should behave.

Attempted to pet her and got their whole arm scratched up? Awww this kitty must want to play, cats are so adorable.

Tara pissed on their bed just before it's time to sleep? Sol read in a book that cats only go to the bathroom in the spots they consider the most private and safe, Sol is beyond touched that Tara trusts their scent and bed this much.

They gave her a fish or food, and she threw it at them? Kitty wants to share and feed them! How considerate of her. She even chewed some of the food before she spat it in Sol's direction, just like how mama cats feed their babies!

What do you mean "no, that's birds"? Uh, no, Sol is pretty sure it's cats. You clearly don't know much about animals, do you.

Honestly Sol can never understand how someone as useless and pathetic as Gale managed to find such a thoughtful and nice cat. Really how could he not appreciate this animal?

Clearly, he doesn't give Tara enough attention. Otherwise, why would she follow Sol around this much? What do you mean there is an ominous evil look in her eyes? Nah, she is just a kitty cat. They're not evil. That's just their norm.

Tara could be hissing and screaching at them for no reason, and Sol, who is used to songs in the draconic language, would think she is singing for them or expressing her love.

Scratch

They call him Tav 2.0 sometimes, if you complain then they'll say fine they'll just call you Scratch junior instead, happy? No? Too bad Scratch junior.

Honestly, the resemblance is uncanny. They stare at the two of you whenever you pet him and check in with him, but if you look at Sol they'll immediately look away.

Made a list of companions, least and most likely to be sacrificed if the worst came to worst, and Scratch had no food left.

They added themselves to the list, so that makes it fine. Don't worry about it. And yes, you too are on the list.

When the group makes it to Act 3 and meets Scratch's previous owners. If Sol in the party they will insult them at how pathetic they are for only raising their hand on animals weaker than them, on how if that means Sol has the right to beat them up since they are clearly stronger.

Honestly, Sol is fully on board with killing them, saying how they don't even deserve to breed and continue their lineage. So what use do they have to the world? They're clearly annoying cowardly so just burn the whole bridge instead.

Talking about the city, if you end up going along with Sol's every whim or suggestion, your group will end up arreseted at some point. Luckily, Sol believes in bribes, which is what kept them out of prison for so long.

Owl bear cub

This is a fire hazard following them around with the cutest squeaks ever, and oh Sol is so weak to temptations. But Lae'zel and Tav are having a chat nearby and Sol can't afford to let them see this, they can't just hug something so fluffy and show others they can be soft.

At least nor during Act 1.

....maybe just a little bit, maybe they can sneak a feel or two?

Yeah they won't notice, they have shit perception right? Sol will just be sneaky which they're very bad at with all of their jingling jewellery. Or maybe they'll cast invisibility on themselves so they can hug the cute owlbear cub and bury their face in his feathers.

This is...so soft, is this heaven? How can one animal be this soft? Fuck druids are so lucky imagine having a friend who can turn into a walking cloud so easily, Sol would never stop cuddling them if they could.

Ah....was that a spark? Here goes another one and yep they've set fire to the oblivious owlbear who's clueless to the flames spreading on their feathers, Sol is panicking and picks up the owlbear cub who just thinks they're cuddling.

They're considering chucking him into the nearby river to get him into water as soon as possible. They're aren't thinking clearly. They just need to act fast.

Before they could do it and potentially ruin the owlbear cub's trust in them forever. A massive circle of water rains on them suddenly, sniffing out the flames and drenching both of them in water.

They look around to an annoyed Gale who's hand is glowing as he reattempts to focus on the book he's reading.

Did he help them?

But oh their invisibility is gone and they hear a snicker nearby from Tav who's standing next to a very confused Lae'zel, both looking at Sol, the supposed brutal mean Sorcerer who doesn't need anyone, with an owlbear cub in their arms who's licking the water off of their hair.

[shunshuntaiga]

THE BLUE HELLSITE TRIES TO KEEP ME FROM YOU BUT I REFUSE TO BE SILENCED!! i have suburra thoughts and some of them are your fault (ty💖) so you Need to hear them.

glad you got a laugh out of my work around the ask word limit lmfaooo :)))) and feel free to take your time, this fresh batch of insanity is A Lot.

Anon! I am alive raising from the dust of my illness coma like mushu from the old mulan movie.

Lol

But seriously, I've had The Plague and have basically just been sleeping and trying not to die.

But I'm back to answer all your lovely, lovely thoughts in one big Mega Post!

"Maybe magic is not allowed because it not only changes the person you bring back but the person who casts it as well"

YOU ARE SO RIGHT. The angst of how the spell that brings Aurelia back would slowly be killing Spadi too.... forcing everyone to not only to have gone through just losing Aure, but now the fear of losing Spadino as well... it's too good.

The magic eating away at his mind and body, BUT what if the more it killed Spadi... the more like himself Aurelia became? Still not his old self of course, but closer to the real thing. The laws of equivalent exchange. So it would give Spadi a reason to fight them when it came to reversing the spell.

'Can't youse?! It's him! It's more like him everyday!'

'But what about you!?'

'I don't matter.'

Aaa it would be so good. Kind of like, the spell pours all of Spadino's memories and strength into remaking him, and in the end its either him or Aure who will die. Again.

Spadi would definitely cut his throat, wouldn't he? Ughhh it's so messy, but he's definitely a "with my hands type" (if you like the hannibal reference lol)

I was totally imagining a gun to his head, tears streaming down his gaunt cheeks as Aurelia slowly, lovingly, adoringly, closes his eyes for the last time, once again choosing Spadino's life over his own in a way that I'd the most like himself he's ever been since Spadi brought him "back".

"The rock rose and the thistle is a perfect Spadeliano song"

Yes it truly is, I always interpreted that song to be about a toxic relationship of sorts, not the kind where it's obviously bad for either party, but the sort where it's like, we're no good for each other but it's all we know and we know how to put each other back together even if it's not perfect. Which is very on brand for them.

AND EDDIE ABSOLUTELY DESERVED BETTER!! *much sobbing and wailing and nashing of teeth* he's a sweetheart and I'm gonna fix it!

It's definitely weird trying to write a fic with weed content when I keep having to go to my friends like, "so hey is this a thing?" With all my drug related questions lol. I'm so sheltered lmao I haven't done any writing on anything though and it's so frustrating.

Curse you covid!!!

And as for your fic description, yes, painfully, regretfully, I most certainly would!! Anything with my sweet boys I will read. I have read the entire English catalog for suburra, and even some of the Italian ones, albeit badly translated by Google lol. I want as much spadeliano content shoved into my eyeballs as possible.

[plugrick]

Oh, how nice. They finally had the decency to return his clothes. Rick glared at the medic as he made his leave, squinting his eyes harshly at him until the curtains had been drawn and they were graciously left alone to dress themselves.

“Hmph. Seems l-like your old friend has a-aaa fashion agenda for you.” The human noted, taking due notice of the military camouflage involved in Mike’s given pile. Whatever clothes he had been wearing during battle were long gone, torn to shreds and too soaked in gore to be worn ever again. Not that he had been wearing much to begin with…

Rick half-body hugged himself with his functional arm and sighed again, rubbing the bicep of his limb in the sling. He looked tired, obviously worn out. Visually it was easy to tell that he hadn’t slept much, if at all. “Listen, d-don’t worry about me. I-its not that bad. M-my hand just - i-it just hurts.”

He moved it a little to prove his point, involuntarily flinching a in pain and not to subtly sucking a breath in through his teeth. His hand was wrapped in gauze to the point of being clubbed and useless.

“I… I-I’m down a finger.” He admitted, his voice dipping quieter. “A-aaand it won’t heal or - or grow back no matter how m-many times I-I get injected with nanobots or run through regeneration machines.”

He distracted himself from the troubling thought by picking though his freshly cleaned and thoroughly bleached clothing, brow furrowed over his eyes. Maybe he would feel better once he was less exposed. The paper gown wasn’t doing his confidence any favors, and he was pretty sure he felt a draft.

“It’s - it’s my ring finger, s-so it doesn’t really matter,” he stated nonchalantly with a shrug. “I mean, it’s n-not like I was ever going to wear a-aaa ring, anyway.”

Even if he wanted to, that opportunity was long gone. The typical placement of a token of marriage had been cleanly removed from his body, and that was that.

….The way he said it had come out slightly more harsh than he meant for it to be, though. Rick frowned at himself, averting his eyes and instead busying himself with trying to undo the ties holding the back of his gown together. His filters were even less up to code than usual thanks to his stressed out mental state, and he really needed to get back in a familiar outfit and figure out a good place to do some Galax.

“I-I’m just glad you’re okay, M-Mike.” He switched subjects smoothly, exhausted gaze moving back to the disheveled bug man who was still getting his bearings. “Y-yyyyou really gotta stop running off a-and getting yourself wriggity wrecked. W-w-what was I supposed to do if you got yourself killed? Huh? Deal w-with Amy hating me f-for the rest of forever?!”

Seriously! What had been going through his insectoid brain? Mikes habit of charging into battle head first and asking questions later was starting to turn into an issue.

“I-I dunno if you noticed, Mike, b-but I’m not the most responsible person to leave somebody with!” He lamented, very much touching on how he had been told to take care of Amy and keep her safe. Who in their right mind would do that?! “All hell broke loose w-when you took off! I-IIII let your sister get shot, a-aaand that’s not even the worst thing that happened! I— I just—! UGH! W-who the hell double tied these things?!”

Rick was desperately trying to undo his gown one-handed and it was not working. He made a noise of frustration as he fruitlessly yanked at the strings, looking ready to rip his own hair out any second. He turned around to put them in Mike’s reach, either not seeming to notice or care that the gap in the paper gown exposed the entirety of his backside.

“W-will you please help me out of th-this thing already?”

Continued from (X)

[ddarker-dreams]

It’s crazy that I’ve been following you for quite a while now! I can’t remember when I did start to but your works have me floored! I love the way you write it’s so immersive and always has this touch of melancholy that makes it flow so well!

I think one of my favorite works of yours is Old Friends! Real OGs remember Nikolay, rest in peace Nikolay…

AAA thank you so very much for sticking around all this time!!! it's definitely been a long journey since the nikolay era... i'll never forget the outpouring of love he received when that story was first released htjekmgr old friends holds good memories for me, so i'm glad you enjoyed it!! i actually ended up baking the dessert i mentioned in the story for funsies... it was very yummy. not too complicated of a recipe either.

i’m so happy to hear that my fics can help some ,, i know writing/reading is where i turn to when life sees fit to plow me over with a tractor trailer. i’m glad to hear it sounds like a comfort for you too! there’s no shortage of things to read on this blog so read away to your heart’s content. i’m wishing you all the best in recovering and managing things until then! please take good care of yourself 💖

thank you very much sweet anon !!! i’m almost scared to say it because i don’t want to jinx anything, but things have been going pretty good lately and i’m most grateful 😌😌 i hope you’re doing good in your corner of the world too!! thank you thank you!!

WELCOME ANON ... to whatever it is that is happening here... i hope that the scaramouche brainrot overflow in the few days since i received this ask hasn’t scared you away. thank you very much for coming to check things out !! i appreciate it 💖

i’m falling to the ground... i know this ask is a bit old, but i hope you were able to function decently off so little sleep HEJKRMG i promise the stories aren’t going anywhere, be sure to take good care of yourself!! still, thank you so much, especially reading the stories twice... omg... i’ve been trying to add little details so that there’s value in coming back and rereading it!! so hearing you say that makes me happy 😌 thank you very much!!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!! please have a wonderful day as well <33

[dourpeep]

IT WAS 2AM WHEN I SENT THAT SO I HELD BACK MY SIMPING FOR COLLEGE ALBEDO A LITTLE. tried not to send all my brainrot so I didn't just send a wall of text into your inbox LOL. Some others I thought of were:

- Mona giving astrology forecasts and compatibility readings in this au and Albedo may have asked her about the two of you

- Going to botanical gardens or museums with Albedo but for some reason it feels like a date even when it didn't intent to be. You tug on his sleeve now and then when you see something he might be interested in or even when it's something that excites you, and Albedo can't help but have a soft look in his eyes that he can share this moment with you! Somehow it results in the two of you holding hands - just so neither of you stray from each other of course - and eventually, intertwined fingers. You hear someone say that the two of you seem like a cute couple and you know Albedo heard it too, but neither of you say anything. You feel his hand squeeze yours a little tighter and respond in kind. The two of you are too embarrassed to look at each other but can't help the smiles on your faces.

- Lending Albedo some of your favourite books for pleasure reading and you've left tiny tabs on lines that you like. Perhaps this is before Albedo realizes his feelings so when he reads particularly romantic lines, he wonders if this is how he feels about you. Or did you mark these pages because you feel this way about someone? His stomach is in knots to the thought that you may be intrested in someone that isn't him and he settles for it just being prose.

WHAT YOU WROTE WAS SO CUTE AAA. THANK YOU FOR SIMPING FOR COLLEGE BEDO WITH ME!!

Tugging his hand and not letting go omg . . . you tend to just intertwine pinkies or play with his fingers absent-mindedly that Albedo becomes so accustomed to it so he starts to offer you his hands without a second thought.

WAIT. I gasped at Albedo being a cuddler. He's a little delirious when he first wakes up but you're so comfy that he hugs you a little tighter, asking if you've slept well. You try to reply while worrying about whether or not he can feel your heart thrumming in your chest.

What if Klee is staying with Albedo one night and the three of you fall asleep cuddled up together. Alice comes back early in the morning before any of you are awake and takes a picture. She sends it to Albedo later and he sets it as his phone's wallpaper.

Albedo staring at your lips winded me, thank you.

YES TO THE SWEATERS. I bet Albedo would have the softest and coziest sweaters too! Imagine it being a little cold out and you see Albedo across campus so you bound over to him and give him a hug. You nuzzle into him and mumble out a little 'hello' and say he's warm. You feel his laugh rumble through his chest while he greets you back, wrapping his arms around you

And I LOVE ALL YOUR HEADCANONS! I believe I found your blog around the time you posted Albedo's snort headcanon and it was too much for my heart!! I held tight to that headcanon and never let go lol. I also thought the science + college headcanons you had of him were really nice despite not being necessarily romantic!

Side note: I looked up that lobster fact and that's so cool!!

The Lobster Fact(tm) is my go-to ice breaker and it always fails. I'd imagine it's normally the same w/ Bedo OTL so sad...not many wish to know about potential lobster immortality.

I'm glad that you love the headcanons though!! I enjoy writing for Albedo so so much as you can tell ehe

That being said--if it makes you more comfy to send stuff in a few bursts of asks, I don't mind :DD I'll answer them as usual nodnod

OKIE DOKIE

-

"...Mona, yes?"

"Ah, I was expecting you to come around sooner or later, Kreideprinz."

Really, Albedo didn't mean to stumble upon the Astronomy major, but for some reason the thought of you has been on his mind and the campus' observatory just so happened to be on the way. With the meager hope that...maybe he'd find some sort of answer (in what, he wasn't really sure himself), there she was.

Luckily, she knew just what he was there for.

The moment that she twirls her hand with a wave, telling him that there isn't anything to worry about, the apprehension creeping within his chest at the thought of seeing you next-

disappeared.

It's not often that he turns to less orthodox methods, but he wouldn't lie. Knowing that--at least in Mona's opinion (which tended to be correct, anyway)--the two of you were undoubtly compatible? Something about how your constellations were intertwined...

In fact, Albedo turns a little theory around in his mind. Though based in old folktales, the idea that you gravitate towards those who are made of the very same stardust as yourself, suddenly made sense.

Or, perhaps he was just being hopeful.

-

Little does he know that you most definitely asked Mona about the same thing earlier that day.

-

AHHHHH BUT OF COURSE-

Any of those kinds of places--Botanical Gardens, Art Museums, Aquariums, Zoos, Museums in general--Any place where you're able to utterly lose yourself in your surroundings and look around in awe, really, are your go-to date outing destination!

Usually, it's just the two of you, maybe with Sucrose or Timaeus if it's for a particular class, as well as the occasional Klee in tow whenever Alice is busy with work.

But in this case, fingers interlocked, it's just the two of you on a impromptu trip to the art museum downtown after seeing a promotional banner about a new exhibit. Once inside, you rush along, Albedo trailing close behind with a light squeeze of your hand. The large area used for temporary exhibits isn't far from the entrance, so it's not long until you skid to a stop.

All along the walls are incredibly detailed oil paintings, the thin layered strokes glistening in the light. Albedo takes a moment to whisper to you about how oil paint works.

Due to the thinness of the paint and it's transparency, light passes through every carefully placed stroke, allowing for a unique sort of depth that isn't achievable with other painting media. You smile, the artificial light of the art exhibit making your features glow and Albedo can't help but wonder if you are like those paintings.

So complex, so carefully created in an image perfected with time. Your eyes search his and you say his name and Albedo clears his throat when he realizes he's been staring.

"Do you like this one?"

Ah, you must've assumed he took a liking to this particular painting.

His eyes shift back to it, taking in the sight of the balance of color, the composition, then back to you. He only stares a second longer before nodding.

Whether or not you realize the view he likes is you is something that he dwells on as you both make your way to the next painting.

-

If you had a penny for every time that someone comments on the way you compliment each other, you'd probably be able to pay off your tuition for next semester.

Okay, perhaps not, but the idea still stands.

You're only just at the end of the art exhibit when the security guard wishes the two of you a lovely date. Something about how young love is something to be treasured, something about how the two of you already seem so natural and comfortable in each other's presence.

Before you can mumble out an explanation, Albedo just squeezes your hand, gentle as always, and smiles.

It's a compliment, right? For someone to see how close you are, even if you really are just friends, is a good thing.

Ignoring the warmth that spreads over your cheeks, you smile and turn your head away shyly. Squeezing his hand back, the thought of what it'd be like if you were together crosses your mind.

-

Just as you lend books to him, he lends books to you. Surprisingly, this time it just so happens to be a poetry book--something that you expressed interest in a week ago but ended up not getting.

Within, he's left colorful notes with his neat, slanted writing.

Short discussions (presumably questions to himself) of what the poet must've been thinking, different possible scenarios, are peppered throughout the book. But one just so happens to catch your eye. Rather than a question, it's a statement. Simple, short, and...sweet.

'You carry the aura of the stars.'

The little yellow sticky note pasted beneath a love poem to the night sky stands out. Suppressing a flutter in your chest, you continue reading through the poem book with a few giggles at Albedo's musings until you find a note with most of the words crossed out.

It's entirely unlike him, the way that the dark ink scribbled over the words, making them illegible.

But at the bottom was a continued attempt--one you presume he was satisfied with by the way it lay pristine on the colorful paper.

'You look. I fail to speak.

Your mind, so brilliant as it is I wish to see behind To further appreciate the one I love.

I can only hope one day you shall let me in, So for now I wait patiently by your side.'

Who could he have written this for? You can't help but stare at the poetic attempt, knowing full well that Albedo seldom does something without meaning.

The book closes and you tuck it back on the shelf to ask about later.

-

AAAAA YESYESYESYES I LOVE THAT CUDDLE PILE W/ ALBEDO AND KLEE

Even though Albedo's a grade A student and certified genius (he's adamant in his denial, shaking his head and mumbling about how he just studies hard), he's not entirely a stickler for rules.

Well, that is, Aunt Alice's suggestion that Klee goes to bed by 9.

Instead, the three of you settle in the common room of Albedo's place in a bundle of pillows and blankets at the demands of a pillow fort.

The tv blinks on accompanied by the near silent click of the remote.

"What should we watch?"

Klee always ends up picking the movie. This time, she wants Alice in Wonderland, commenting on how the bunny is like her best friend Dodoco and the blonde girl on screen is named after mommy. Albedo doesn't bother correcting her, even though he knows quite well that dear, sweet Dodoco is a chinchilla.

Between sips of juice and a few mouthfuls of popcorn, the three of you fall asleep, Klee curled up besides you and Albedo's arm draped over you both.

Even when the sun is up in the sky, you sleep peacefully.

So, naturally, Aunt Alice has a spare key just in case something like this happens.

Immediately she's met with the sweetest view--her two kids (she's practically adopted Albedo as her own at this point) and--

Hiding a cheeky smile behind her hand, Alice can't help but sneak a little closer when she spies the way that you and Albedo somehow gravitated closer, his face buried in your hair and yours resting against his collar. Wedged between you with tousled hair, Klee snoozes peacefully.

She snaps a picture, followed by another, and another, and a fourth for good measures before meandering into the kitchen to prep something for breakfast.

Might as well let her three favorite people enjoy the comfort of sleep for a little longer...

You wake up the moment that Klee wiggles her way out of the blankets, nuzzling against the warmth radiating under your cheek.

Nice and cozy. Smells nice...wait.

Eyes fluttering open, you're met with a familiar birthmark and the nearly gone scent of Albedo's cologne.

You nearly pull away until the arm, now wrapped around your waist, pulls you closer accompanied by a satisfied sigh. Ah. You shut your eyes tight when you realize that Albedo's going to be asleep for at least another thirty minutes, resigning to your fate gladly.

Of course, Alice takes the opportunity to snap a few more pictures when you've finally fallen back asleep.

-

YES ALSO ALSO

Speaking of Albedo and sweaters and warm and also the just mentioned cologne. A little fun tidbit--not only are you familiar with the scent of his cologne because he wears it often, but it (in this au) is actually one that you picked out some time back. You probably were at the store together smelling some of the perfumes when you came across one that you were pleasantly surprised by.

Specifically, something that's lightly floral, a little warm but sweet with a hint of earthiness.

The pros? It fits Albedo perfectly! It also kinda sticks well and his place faintly smells of it.

The cons?? Well...you're embarrassed to say that hugging Albedo tends to drag on a little longer than anticipated because it's just such a comforting scent-

Not because you associate it with Albedo or anything-

Ehe

Man I really went to town again, didn't I?? Well, I'm glad that you enjoy my headcanons :DDD Albedo just seems like such a sweet person??? Like endearing in a way that just is...him. If that makes sense.

Brain go brrrrrr

I'll admit that my favorite headcanons for Bedo are mundane and domestic ones though! Like these! Just the little moments where there's nothing really going on except for him and you and ahhhh yesyesyes

Okay that's all-

[absurdthirst]

So a couple months ago I sent you some asks complaining about how I was pregnant with my roomate’s baby and that I was getting harassed about it at work, from friends and family, etc. So I figured I’d give an update.

A week ago I gave birth and OH MY GOD IM OBSESSED HES SO CUTE AAA!!!! He’s named after my grandpa and my roommate’s father and I never knew it was possible to love something this much??? Like I would both die and kill for him I stg

As for the drama, I’ve stopped talking to the friends who were making disgusting racist remarks towards my roommate, and I’ve filed a complaint against a co-worker before I went on mat. leave. As for my parents, they haven’t been able to see my son in person due to COVID and living in a different town, but they’ve seen pictures and adore him even if they’re still not happy about my “situation” but I don’t really care lol. My roommate is just as infatuated with our lil guy as I am and we sometimes fight just to hold him 😅 Either way I’m relieved things are going smoothly for our cozy little family!

OMG!!!! Yes! BABY!!!!! It’s amazing how much love you can possess for one tiny little human.

I am so glad you cut the negativity from your life and happy that your parents are coming around. My father was not happy when I got pregnant with my son- but he also cried when we moved from GA to CA when he was 6 months old.

I am thrilled for you and your partner and wish you nothing but happiness and joy with your little family!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

MICKEY i finally got around to answering this PLS KNOW IT WAS SPINNING IN MY BRAIN LIKE A PING PONG BALL THIS WHOLE TIME…

i got so so so happy reading through this!!!! tysm for taking to time to read all the recs and comment on them so thoroughly u r an actual angel 🥺🥺😥 AND MICKEY……. all of ur picks spoke to me we are like THIS 🤝🤝

AAA but!! before i forget to answer this LMAO: im a literature major !!! its a lot of fun :3 LOTS of reading to the point where its just straight up abuse but thankfully the books are usually good!! aaa what abt u mickey? i know u work a 9-5, what kind of work is it? if ur comfy answering ofc !! <33

OH and also!!!!! the poem u linked 🥺🥺🥺 tysm for sharing, i loved it so so much!!! so tender and sweet n achey …. so much yearning wahhh …… dare i say gojo vibes. (i dare) i looovveee domestic poems like that pls

BUT OKOK…… first of all mr siken himself i literally cant tell u how happy i am that u liked his stuff!! his writing is etched into my frontal lobe and he singlehandedly made me insane i <3 him. mr siken owes me financial compensation for all the ache he has brought me 

you are a fever i am learning to live with. <- MICKEY THE FACT THAT U PICKED OUT THIS PARTICULAR LINE ….. its my favorite in the entire poem along w and i wake up and i wake up and you’re still dead. i can always trust in ur taste!!! AND UR SO SO RIGHT tbh i think every single poem i sent u reminds me of stsg. he actually knows abt their existence PHDJSBD LOOK AT THIS ……….. 😭😭

AND PLANET OF LOVVEEEE ur so real mickey that poem means sm to me. as a person who has also definitely for sure surpressed all their emotions and feelings at some point in their life ur absolutely right abt everything u say. you're going to die in your best friend's arms. and you play along because it's funny, because it's written down, you've memorized it, it's all you know. also happens to be my fave line from it :3 (+ EXTREMELY stsg coded hello)

AND WISHBONE YES YES u keep picking out my favorite lines mickey our braincells r kissing rn . but i'd rather keep the bullet. makes me INSANE

AND… landscape w a blur of conquerors. ur absolutely right its SO disco elysium. every single poem from war of the foxes is soooo harrycoded to me u dont get it …. ALSO disco elysium aside the entire collection is so kenjaku coded to me <3333 this poem in particular reminds me of sukuna too!!!

AND U GET IT MICKEY U DO U DOOOOO self-portrait against red wallpaper ruined my whole entire life there are just way too many good lines in it …… ur so real i relate way too much to mr sikens poems for my own good LMAO.

and lastly fryderyk and glue !!!!! my personal faves ngl something abt them make me so insane. fryderyk has INTENSE sashisu vibes (my shadow falls across his face, blue milk and pistachio, his eyes shine like wedding rings. my shadow falls across him and it doesn’t go away. makes me think of geto’s death scene 😭) and glue is literally the most kenjaku coded poem ive seen in my life… the quotes u picked out r also so so so valid im in awe of ur taste. the life of the body is a nightmare knocks me out cold every single time. same for but then the worms!!!! i hope u understand i am literally kicking my feet rn mickey it feels like we’re having a lil poetry club meeting <333

MR SIKEN ASIDE ; im so GLAD u like bidart hes my emotional support old man poet <333 i have a parasocial connection to him. SO disco elysium coded too. AND U READ LOVE INCARNATE TOOOO that one’s soo good… love and hunger IS the best combo isnt it….

AND FINALLY FOR M words cant express how glad i am that u liked this one!!!! ur so real too, i totally understand why its ur fave … its just so. something abt it is so….. its so beautiful and human and just . its so comforting to me T_T

AND PLS MICKEY thank YOU sm for reading all my recs 🥺🥺🥺 i totally get a sense of who u are just from ur picks n thoughts + i feel like i resonate w u sm !!! <33 learning to write like a child too ……. u cant just say that. what if i cry. 

ANYWAY ANYWAY POETRY ASIDE . grabs ur shoulders. MICKEY I WAS SOOOO EXCITED WHEN I FOUND OUT U LIKE DE…… ive been trying to get my best friend to play it but we havent gotten far at all so i have no one to talk abt it w T~T UNTIL NOW..

ah and!! yes!!! :D i love love love video games but its been so long since i sat down to play one …. my heart belongs entirely to rpgs!! especially jrpgs!!! persona 3 is one of my absolute favorites. lately ive mostly been playing mobile gacha games which is extremely bad for my peace of mind but im a bit of an addict </3 idk if uve heard mickey but jjk recently got a gacha game in japan and im gonna download it sometime this week probably !! geto has a banner up rn so if im lucky i can get him hehe. if i dont im deleting it PDJJDHD

but okok. first of all: SO REAL. harry is also my fave i adoreeeee him to death. hes such a genuine inspiration to me PDHJSJD HE DEF SHOULDNT BE BUT 💔💔 hes so human. i love him. my poor meowmeow. but i also love kim, jean, klaasje and rene/gaston!! the smoker has a special place in my heart too for. obvious reasons im very weak for thoughtful queer rep

INLAND EMPIRE IS A GREAT PICK i love them too!! im a huge huge fan of volition bc they have all the banger quotes but i also love drama!! theyre so funny. AND SHIVERS…. shivers is sooooo cool i love how its basically the city speaking to its citizens. SO good.

AND UR FUNNY MOMENTS PSHDJSJD 😭😭😭 so real…… i put the body in the polar bear fridge too!!!!!! ive played de like twice and not a single time have i managed to shoot it down properly LMAO…

i cant rly remember any funny moments i had at the top of my head so !! instead ill just show u some of my fave quotes!! there are so so SO many that its legitimately tough to pick out just a few but :’3 these all make me insane in the head genuinely

a creature is a creature. i wish i was the wind.

i want to get off now, i like pain and burning light and wanting things from people who don’t want to give them to me.

fine. keep up the charade another day. this could have been so liberating, but you cling to the case, to your partner, to the world… it’s pitiful.

subdue the regret. dust yourself off, proceed. you'll get it in the next life, where you don't make mistakes.

it’s the worst day of all time, harry dear, and it’s coming. she will hear about it on the phone. 

killing was his business and business was *good.* did he love it before they made him do it again and again and again?

I'VE SEEN YOU, I'VE SEEN YOU! I'VE SEEN YOU WITH HER — AND I'VE SEEN YOU WITHOUT HER. I'VE SEEN YOU ON THE CRESCENT OF THE HILL.

real darkness has love for a face. the first death is in the heart, harry. see you tomorrow.

the officers go, leaving behind the writing — still smouldering. ONE DAY, it says, I WILL RETURN TO YOUR SIDE.

there is a radio in the distance. a radio of the world. playing sounds: good morning, elysium. soon you will return to the world.

I NEED YOU. YOU CAN KEEP BE ON THIS EARTH. BE VIGILANT. I LOVE YOU.

and honestly mickey there r soooo many hilarious quotes in de that i love love love but here is just one… jean is so fucking funny i love him <33

”you’re too unstable to work for a mob boss. you’re suicidal, harry. no mob boss would take you.”

THIS GOT SO LONG PJDKDJF … average ari/mickey conversation <33 i love talking to u!!!! i feel like our interests n tastes align so much hehe

YOU'VE PLAYED DISCO ELYSIUM AND IT'S YOUR FAVOURITE GAME WHAT IS HAPPENING I LITERALLY DON'T KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO EVEN KNOWS THE GAME I LOVE IT SO MUCH WHAT THE HELL

- @softgirlgonehaywire

MICKEY???????? THE WAY OUR SOULS ARE LITERALLY BONDED ATP 😭😭😭😭 DUDEEEE im going a lil crazy. plsplspls i need to know ur fave character…. and ur fave skill……. and maybe ur fave quote if u have one……….. its legitimately like my favorite thing ever ever ever that game changed my LIFE

AAAA and. u asked for poetry book recs in ur other ask so i am here to deliver 🙏🙏🙏🙏

first of all!! richard siken…. he has two poetry books out at the moment, crush and war of the foxes!! i used to prefer crush but now i like war of the foxes more. its rly just a matter of personal preference, both are super good…. i said this already but i associate literally every single poem of his w at least one jjk character. mostly gojo or geto or kenny or shoko (i am predictable)

for some reason u can find literally all his poems on genius psjfjs but here are some of my faves from crush (first three) and war of the foxes (last four)!!

straw house, straw dog // planet of love // wishbone

landscape with a blur of conquerors // self-portrait against red wallpaper // portrait of fryderyk in shifting light // glue

but siken aside!!! frank bidart my beloved <333 hes so weird. his style of writing is very unique and can seem a bit very odd but u get used to it quickly!! i love him. my absolute favorite frank bidart poem is half-light, i’m fucking obsessed u dont understand, pls read it. (its so satosugu to me) and then u can find some other poems of his here! coincidentally his writing reminds me a LOT of disco elysium which is. probably maybe why i love it sm in the first place LMAO

AND AND AND…. lastly. ive tried getting into franz wright but i didnt like the collection of his that i bought :’3 HOWEVER hes written this one poem i absolutely adore, dedication. its so so so good. ”it’s true i never write, but i would gladly die with you” // ”although i never write, secretly i long to die with you, does that count?” have permanently altered the course of my destiny

… that was probably a lot im sorry PJDKFB i didnt even mention clementine von radics…. she has an instagram account where she posts some poems i think. ive run outof links so i cant show some i like but </3 her collection mouthful of forevers is super good!!

[meowdarame]

YESS thank you for the book recs will definitely check both of them out :3 usually ive been watching YouTube video essays just to have something in the background and I've been really enjoying fd signifier's videos I especially liked his dissection of the manosphere and how masculinity goes along side other aspects of life such as race gender culture or even economic status aaa I lov studying intersectionality its so interesting to see the connections and why people may behave a certain way

yes anyway back to anime boys. mikey is learning but im sure he doesn't want to listen to me ramble about intersectionality all day but REALLY THE WHOLE TIMe I WAS like: babe put you're clothes back on. I dont like sex. I want to talk about interesctionality and your upbringing and how growing up without a parent and being patented by your older sibling made you who you are today. are you okay.

im so normal about these things you have no idea HAHAH i am a little passionate about this

AHH i actually took a college course on men and masculinity!! if i still have access to my old class files i may be able to share some interesting articles hehe but i’ll have to check!!

also the thing abt you rambling to mikey is a mood 😭 literally with all my friends (and i mean ALL of them) we get into discussions about these things all the time. it’s kinda weird idk, my brain is always aware of like my positionality in relation to those around me and in society as a whole AND I CAN’T REALLY TURN IT OFF?? but it makes for some really interesting thoughts HAHA

and i’m really glad that you’re passionate about these things because i am too :,) i really do think that the first step to solving -ism/-ia based issues is to give a shit!!

[jidai]

jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao. 

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th​​, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do. 

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk​, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts​​, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN.  I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart. 

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was  so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina​, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks  🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis��, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee. 

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien​​, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao. 

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what-- 

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

[susustories]

Warnings: Swearing.

Pairing: Todoroki Shouto x Reader

Word count: 2005

Anonymous:  this can be either platonic or romantic, but, todoroki’s friend/s/o just fighting endeavor (with her tongue and witty words) and the entire family’s there for that- like she’s now apart of the family and can go to family dinners and stuff, you’re not doing financially well? oh, that’s weird how did a frack ton of money just appear? you have a bad family, screw them just live here we already have a room for you. being bullied- oh boy is he in the hospital

A/N: Aaa, this was nice to write! It’s a cute idea, but i was in an angsty mood so I tried very hard to keep the fluffy atmosphere and I hope I did it right! I was originally going to do it like a small headcanons post or a very small scenario thing but here we are. Thank you for the request!!

You and Todoroki have been dating for a few months now, and usually, it would mean that you should’ve at least met his family once. But Todoroki wasn’t a very common case, you learned, and you were still learning with each day you spent with him. 

It took him a while to open up to you at first, but you were patient with him. When you found out about..well, everything, you were glad you were. 

Apparently nothing was beneath the Number One Bastard as you dubbed him now, and you were disappointed. Your blood boiled whenever you saw him on screen, whenever people praised him as if he weren’t the bastard he truly is. You couldn’t blame them, but it still upset you.

You couldn’t imagine how bad it must be for him to constantly be told how amazing and heroic his abuser was. How people wanted to see him grow up to be a ‘great hero like him.’ Every time that happened you found a way to end the conversation and go back where you two could be alone, so you could give him the most reassuring hug you could give. It was your best, and it was enough for him- that’s what he said.

You both already did so much to keep your relationship on the low, and although he told you that Endeavor changed, you understood why he was still anxious. Back then, anything his father saw as a distraction had to be removed so Shouto could stay focused on the goal he had in mind for him, and he was afraid of losing you, even if it seemed unlikely now.

So when he came to tell you that you were going to see that bastard, you were worried. “Why? I thought you didn’t want him to know?” You asked softly, sitting next to him, your hand gently running through his soft, fluffy hair.

He melted into the touch, his arms gently wrapping around you as he cuddled closer to you. Todoroki desired affection, having been starved from it at a very young age, and you were glad to offer. It still made you smile how he looked so cute cuddling close to you like a small child, and he had a way of making it look very cute, but you didn’t know his secret yet.

He sighed, “He found out.”

“Oh.” Came your intelligent reply. You took a deep breath, pulling him closer. “It’s alright, it’ll be okay. I’ll make sure nothing goes wrong, alright? Besides, even if he decides to be an asshole I won’t let him! I’m not training to be a hero for nothing! I’ll be there for you, Shoucchan.” You said encouragingly as you held him close. You’d make sure nothing goes wrong. 

-

You were serious about everything you said that time, and your words manifested into actions a few days later during your visit. 

Shouto’s sister was present, and you were honestly glad. She was just as great as Shouto had told you, she was kind and very humble. Unlike some people.

He asked you about your family, your quirk, your internship, your grades- it frustrated you to no end. You hated sitting around and being interrogated like some sort of criminal. Fuyumi tried her best to lighten up the atmosphere, but it didn’t do much. It didn’t help that you already hated him before coming here, and seeing him in person just elevated those feelings. He may have changed, ever so slightly, but he still bothered you. Whenever you saw him you couldn’t help but think of the man he was to Shouto and his family. Sure, maybe you shouldn’t have reacted so strongly to his mere presence, but you did.

Just as he opened his mouth to ask another question, you stood up, glaring at him with utter disgust and all that anger you’ve been trying to bury deep inside you this whole time. “Enough!” You could see the Todoroki siblings stiffen in their seats while Endeavor looked shocked for a moment at your outburst, before glaring right back at you, daring you to continue. 

“You’re not checking the specifications for some headphones for God’s sake! I didn’t come here to be interrogated. You’re so entitled for someone who doesn’t have enough common sense to deal with a five year old, dammit!” His eyes widened slightly at the last comment, knowing exactly what you were hinting at, but you weren’t done yet. No, you were just getting started.

“People put you on a pedestal as if you were some sort of God, but you’re only a selfish bastard who doesn't care about anyone but himself, and you know it! You’re-” Shouto gently put a hand on your shoulder, giving you a gentle squeeze to calm you down, whispering quietly. “Y/N, it’s fine. How about we leave? I’ll tell Fuyu you liked the food, and maybe we can all go meet up later if you want.” He suggested calmly, trying to deescalate the situation.

You grit your teeth, then nodded, letting out a huff of disappointment. You were mad, yes, but you weren’t going to upset Shouto. You glanced back at his bastard of a father, then frowned upon noticing the guilt in his eyes.You felt bad, you shouldn’t feel so bad for someone like him but you weren’t some heartless monster. 

You sighed softly as you walked out with Todoroki, hoping Fuyumi-san could forgive you, you really wanted to show her more appreciation for the food she prepared, but the damage was already done. You just wanted to get out of there before you could mess things up more. However, you do admit that yelling at him felt nice. He deserved getting called out on his bullshit for once.

Todoroki took your hand in his as he led you out and walked aimlessly with you in the quiet streets of Musutafu. He was silent for a few minutes, and you were worried you had upset him, then he spoke up as a soft smile tugged at his face.

“Thank you, Y/N.” He said, stopping and turning to fully face you, squeezing your hand gently.

You blushed slightly at the comment, you expected him to be upset at you for ruining things, it’s not like he wanted to invite you to dinner, but you thought he would’ve preferred it if nothing like that had happened. It wasn’t the best first impression after all.

“You...I was anxious at first, when we went there, but after what you did…” He smiled wider, his heterochromatic eyes conveying too many emotions at once for you to understand, but his love and admiration for you were clear as day.

“I love you, so much. You’re always ready to do anything for me, and I want you to know that I’d always be willing to do the same. And I want to apologize for never telling him to stop, but back then I-”

You tackled him in a tight hug, tiptoeing to kiss his cheek, catching him off guard. “First off, you don’t need to thank me, I’d be glad to do that any day, you know. I love you too, Shoucchan. I know it must’ve been stressful for you, so you don’t need to apologize, alright? I know that you’ll be there for me when I need you to be, you always are.” You mumbled quietly as he held you, arms tightly wrapped around you in a gentle, warm embrace as the snow continued to fall around you both. 

“I know. I’m not upset that you did that, I’m just...surprised, impressed even.” He chuckled softly, holding you tighter, warming his left side slightly and making you cuddle closer to him. 

He buried his face in your hair, closing his eyes.“People are always intimidated by him and his status as the Number One hero, I was just...shocked to see someone scream at him like that.” He murmured softly, his tone fond as his warm fingers ran through your hair in the cold winter. You smiled, hugging him tighter. “You should’ve listened when I told you I didn’t give a shit about his hero rank.” You commented, smirking slightly as you pressed another kiss to his cheek. He looked so pretty during winter for some reason, and there was always something about his cheeks that made you want to kiss him. He looked so soft...like a small little child. It suited him, he was so sweet and cute, he might as well be one himself.

He nodded, his eyes looking directly into yours, his thumb gently brushing against your lower lip. “I’m so lucky, aren’t I?” Before you could even think of a response, you felt his lips softly press against yours, his arms wrapped around your waist and lifting you up. You closed your eyes, kissing back, letting your hands cup his soft face as the blush on your cheeks only got brighter. You could see a light blush on his cheeks once you opened your eyes again to stare back at his.

Then, you decided to break silence, clearing your throat as you noticed people looking at the couple who just randomly kissed in the street. And maybe the prettiest boy they’ll ever see.

“So..cold soba?” You said, your face flushed in embarrassment.

He nodded with a smile. “Cold soba.”

-

A few weeks and family meetings —Excluding Endeavour—later, you and the Todoroki’s have begun getting closer, especially you and the oldest brother, Natsuo. 

You would hang out with them, and maybe stay over sometimes at Fuyumi’s insistence, and they were good company. When Shouto mentioned the first meeting with Endeavour to Natsuo in front of you, you weren’t sure what to expect, but certainly not a “Ha, he had it coming!”. And with that, your friendship blossomed. 

He would do your homework for you sometimes, and even drive you to places, and in turn, you and him would have some relatively harmless fun at the flame hero’s expense. 

For instance, there was this one day where he told you he needed you for an important task, and you decided to go and meet him up near Endeavor’s place, and he stood there with some eggs, a mischievous grin on his face as he told you he wanted you to egg his father’s house with him. 

Truth to be said, it was an important task, and you weren’t disappointed.

Fuyumi on the other hand, enjoyed seeing Shouto happy with you. She loved her siblings, and she’d do anything to ensure that they were happy, and seeing Shouto smile and laugh with you around made her happier than anything else. She wasn’t a fan of arguments but she never got upset with you because of it. Fuyumi would make you chocolate chip cookies, and give you some each week, she was like a second mother to you, except better.

She was also smart, and a teacher, so you went to her with advice a lot and she always helped. She helped you correct grammatical errors in your essays, which you were endlessly grateful for because you were always busy with your work study.

The two of your would go shopping together sometimes, and whenever your gaze lingered on something for too long, she noticed. She was more observant than you’d given her credit for at first, but it was a pleasant surprise when she got you that black coat you’d wanted to buy back at the store with her.  

When they moved out after Shouto started working with his friends, they invited you over more, and you always felt right at home there...they never made you feel pressured to participate in activities you didn’t want to, or act a certain way. It felt like being with your family, but different.

It was a nice kind of different, you told yourself, a content smile on your face as you and Fuyumi watched a cute cartoon movie about gems.

Yeah, a nice kind.

[ambitionsource]

Okay, I’ve taken just enough time out of my busy schedule to spend some time with you all. Let’s make it worth it.

Zay’s playlist

Introduce yourself.

Isaiah “Zay” Babineaux, A class senior, fresh off my official Off-Broadway debut

What are your biggest talents?

Dance is the quick answer, but it’s pretty universally accepted at this point that I’m a triple threat. I’m a good negotiator, a decent collaborator (though this depends on the other people involved), and I have to say I do a bang up job of dealing with unpleasant personalities. Also, I’m a relatively nice person, which feels like a miracle in this industry.

What has your experience at AAA been like the last three years?

All things considered, I would say good enough. I definitely think I’ve learned a lot, mainly in the areas of compromise, collaboration, and patience above all else. I’ve also gotten to spend basically every day doing what I love the most, and that can’t be understated. I’ve met some kickass people and made incredible friendships, which I know is nearly as important as the rehearsing, if not more. That being said, nothing is perfect… there are attitudes I could’ve done without, nepotism I could’ve avoided, and choices that I’m never going to be able to take back. Whether those choices were mistakes… I guess it’s still too soon to say.

What from the previous school year are you most proud of?

Outside AAA, getting the role of Riff in the Off-Broadway production of West Side Story that I spent the summer performing. In school, I guess winning prom king was cool, along with getting to perform at graduation, though I honestly don’t remember much about prom. That wasn’t what I was focused on. Oh, and getting to tell Miss Moore how I actually felt about her shitty favoritism was a major highlight.

What about the previous school year would you like to improve upon or change?

This year, I’m not letting myself get distracted. It’s all about me this time around. No distractions, no detours, no wasting my time. Every year I feel like I always let myself get caught up in other people’s bullshit… not this time. I’m working harder, doing more, and I’m not going to let anything get in my way.

What are you most excited about as a senior? Events, performances?

I’m intrigued to see how the school election goes, just because I know it’s guaranteed to be a shitshow. Either it’s going to be a snore because like the same three type of people run (Maya has already declared her intent to run, so I know I’m right about that), or it’s going to be chaotic as hell because some rando jumps in to mix things up. But the senior showdown is going to be fun too. We’re going to destroy Haverford and break their like six-year winning streak, or else I’m gonna die trying. And no, I don’t have personal bias. No idea why I would.

Who are you most excited to see when school is back in session?

Nigel. He spent most of the summer at this Shakespeare conservatory camp, and then he and his family went abroad to visit his cousins. And I was so busy with West Side, it’s like our schedules hardly lined up to actually hang out. I’m glad he got to come see me opening night though.

Who do you see as your biggest ally? Your biggest rival?

Riley, Yindra, and Nigel are always my biggest allies. They’re rock solid, I know they’ve got my back. If anything were to happen with us, that’s when I’d know I fucked up. As for rivals, I don’t really think anyone poses a serious threat at this point, but I do always keep an eye on Maya. We’re friends, sort of, but she’s unpredictable. Better to keep her close and avoid potential sneak attacks.

What are your college plans?

Definitely going to school for dance, applying to a bunch of programs and conservatories. But my dream program is the Turner Academy, a branch of the New York College of the Arts. It’s the best program in the state and consistently rated among the top three in the country. I’ve attended their shows and have had it on my radar basically since I was old enough to understand what my future really meant. I would do anything to get in there, and if I get the chance, I’m not going to screw it up.

[forgotten-daydreamer]

Hey! It’s me the anon again! I totally get what you are saying but from the opposite of the spectrum where memorization feel is impossible but my adhd(I also probably have asd I am working with a therapist to try to find a place to do an evaluation at the moment) allows for me to make an insane amount of connections. So like I get it but from the opposite end? It’s still tricky but I am better at analyzing things then memorizing them. Like when I took art history I for the life of me couldn’t remember terms/names/dates of art pieces but i do remember stories about them and can analyze things really well.

My biggest issue is getting overwhelmed with what is in my head because it’s too much so it can be hard to get it out. I am constantly connecting things in an interdisciplinary way to the point I have had one of my college professors say that I am one of the most interdisciplinary thinkers she knows if not the most. I can’t turn it off and I low key wonder if my brain only understands life through metaphors lol.

Idk if that made sense since I am just waking up from a nap and I am barely coherent but I get that different things work better for different people! I am interested in how dyscalculia effects how people learn! I think 1-3 people in my hall at college have it? I have a little bit of an understanding but I want to know more. In another life I would definitely study neurodivergence and the brain. I am just glad that none of my college classes so far have required exams. Only essays and art pieces(one of my majors is studio art)

From my experience (everyone has different experiences) dyscalculia affects my ability to process simple information that require reasoning rather than memory. It's gonna be a long post, so I'll write everything else under the cut.

I'll try to explain it with an example, starting from math: take something as simple as take-aways, the ones you do in elementary school, even.

The other day, I had to calculate 2021-14. My reasoning was flawed from the start, and I only realised it after my parents made me notice.

I said "okay, let's simplify this." because I know I have to, "If it were 2020-15, that would be 5." I know as much, because as long as something's a multiple of two or of five, I can manage.

I continued, "2020-15=2005. But I need to consider the 1 I dropped to go from 2021 to 2020, and the 1 I added to go from 14 to 15." and I can tell you that I just had to check with my calculator because I was doing it wrong again. Anyway.

"Since I added 1 and took away 1, it would be like doing 1-1, so 0... 2021-14=2005."

And I still swear on whatever you believe in that it still makes no sense to me, even if I try to draw the little dots as if I were six years old. Like, right now. I don't get it. I really took away one and added one, so why would 2021-14=2007? Where did I take that extra 2 from? Try and explain it to me, and I promise that I still won't get it.

I just don't get what I'm doing it wrong, and if the calculator weren't there I'd be dead by now.

Now, expand this problem to every little thing that involves critical thinking. Everything. Most of the problems involve numbers, but not only, sadly.

Formulas. You know algebra, right? Numbers are rare there, and most problems involve data that are letters, or numbers that really don't need to be processed on their own, it's a matter of copying them down correctly.

So, you just need to use the right formula, put the data there, and it's done.

Wrong.

Visual memory allows me to remember formulas easily, but I don't know how to pick the correct data.

If I know that something's, like, the speed of a body, and I know that the speed of a body goes in a certain little spot of the formula, I'll still get it wrong because something happens in between me understanding where I need to put the data and me putting the data in there. I don't know how to explain it, but everything makes no sense at that point.

I can write down the normal formula with each incognita without a problem, but I can't go farther than that because everything is too confused. It's like looking at a language you don't know that uses an alphabet you can't read. You may or may not recognize some patterns, but if you don't know what you're reading, it's like not knowing anything at all.

The other day, my dad explained to me how a turboshaft engine works. Friendly reminder that my average grade in physics was 4/10, never got more than a 6.5/10, despite my best efforts (too many numbers, too many data I didn't know where to put).

Anyway, he explained how that thing works from a mechanical point of view. Did I understand it in its entirety? No. Could I put it into words here for you? Maybe. Could I "draw" it and explain what each part is and how it works from a mechanical pov (so, no data)? Yes, a hundred percent.

What I do is impress the general shape of something- words, images, anything- in my brain, and put it aside. When I need it, I go find it (my technique is to look left, then slightly upwards. That's how I see things in a better way) and just copy it.

Which, by the way, reminded me to say that I also mix up right and left, since I read this thing three times and only realised that I wrote the wrong direction just a second before posting it. This is why I only use the GPS on mute.

Anyway- of course, I don't have perfect visual memory (my grades surely show that), and it doesn't help in each and every situation, and it's also tiring.

But. What I'm great at it's echoic memory. I remember people's voices and what they say to me (out loud) perfectly. I remember my teachers' voices from kindergarten. The info usually fades after a while, but it lasts long enough for me to use it when I need it for a test, or something. And the tone, the characterization of each voice- I don't ever forget those. This is why I remember songs I've heard once, maybe twice, years and years ago. I just... do.

It's not like I have good memory. I forget people's faces, people's names, streets, everything. But only when I know that I won't necessarily need them, or when I could always ask for them again.

My visual and echoic memory kick in when I need info pronto.

Does that make any sense to you? Sorry for the long post aaaa!!

Edit: figured I should add more things that dyscalculia causes.

Plus, only talking about math and anything related to numbers that I know I'll have to elaborate in some way makes me physically sick. Some of my friends think it's funny, I don't, 'cause math anxiety isn't just "aaa I freeze in front of the blackboard", no, it's also (for the most part, too) something that- speaking personally- activates my fight or flight instinct. Imagine an anxiety attack, but not the GAD kind (I do have GAD so I know what I'm talking about), but more "I am in danger. The danger is caused by this. This is dangerous."

I skip numbers when I count (farewell number 7 and everything that ends with it), can't tell 4 and 7 apart without focusing hard, no perception of time, distance, weight, nor speed, I don't understand graphs nor know how to make them properly. Also, mundane events don't happen in the proper order because of me. Just earlier I turned the car off, left the car, reached my doorstep, realized I hadn't locked the car, went to check my bag for the keys, didn't find them, went back the car only to find that I'd even left the door open, and the keys in. Or, sometimes I grab a tissue, throw it away, and realize that I forgot to blow my nose. Etc.

This happens- I think- because the brain cannot comprehend what it's looking at, despite everyone around seems to understand what one's brain should understand as well. It's like when you're stuck in a dream where everyone's laughing and you don't know if they're laughing at you, or at something else. In dreams, you don't ask, you can't. You're frozen and just stick to what you're trying to do.

It works exactly like that.

[asterlizard]

As a memorial for my first tablet, which died this year, I put together pieces from each year that I had it (it lasted for almost 12 years!) Also I’m curious to see how my art evolved over the years, and this was a good excuse.

Analysis of each year under the cut:

2008: -Got my first tablet in September (the top pic was my very first attempt with it aaa) -Was into fanimations and creating fanart of peoples' OCs, and Japanese stuff in general -Made several attempts at original stories, but they barely lasted after creating the characters --However, I did have two stories that I made fair progress on: one of my group of friends at the time, and a horror story with disabled protagonists

2009: -I was very into horror tropes at this time, so it was difficult to find early stuff that didn't have blood on it :'D -HETALIA -My art themes immediately moved into Cuteness Territory, which I've pretty much stuck with to now -Also pretty much adopted Himaruya's art style almost overnight -The prototype characters of Kaleidoscope Children began here, though I didn't start making proper art of them until next year

2010: -So much Hetalia and chibi content (I should put a cuteness warning next time) -Played around with different art techniques -Discovered SAI -Finally completed a group picture (with 50+ characters!), which is a big accomplishment considering how easily I get bored/burnt out --This was probably the first pic I did that got fairly popular

2011: -Moved over from Photoshop to SAI as my primary art program (PS was only used for extra effects) -Finally drew fanart that wasn't Hetalia, haha -My first commission -Out of my old artwork, this year was perhaps my favourite; there are a lot of works I'm still really pleased with

2012: -Half of my art this year was digital paint, and the other half was 'attempted digital watercolour', which I never really mastered... -First attempt applying for an art job (I didn't get it, but in retrospect I'm glad I didn't, I wasn't ready yet :'D ) -Joined an art contest (and only one) on deviantart

2013: -The number of original pics outnumbered fanart (especially Hetalia, I probably drew it once a year for the next few years) -In previous years I made a couple of attempts at a simplified/more cartoony art style, but didn't really settle on something until this year, though I still primarily stuck to my more anime-influenced style -Used the Fringe tool for shading for a few years

2014: -Too busy with school, probably only made like 5 proper pics this entire year -For the next few years, I drew eyes where the lineart has no gaps between the eyelids (so more Western-ish) -Started experimenting with darker shading -First attempt at detailed food

2015: -Also not very productive -Got a food art commission

2016: -Still not very productive -First 500+ note popular pic -Stopped adding highlights to hair

2017: -Started reviving KalChi and gave them new profile pics -Wasn't super proud of my art style at this point (particularly how I drew eyes)

2018: -BNHA -Finally I had a series to obsess over again and draw lots of fanart for again! -For some reason, something clicked toward the end of the year, and I started to really like drawing??? (not that I had low self-esteem about my art, but most of what I drew didn't feel grand or special or super memorable) -New tricks: Multiply for the lineart layer, also finally drawing a decent BG instead of mostly blank/basic BGs

2019: -New lineart technique, which for lack of a better term I call the 'traditional/marble-chiseling technique', which makes me feel like less of a perfectionist due to the rougher lineart 👍 (i.e.: the rough sketch becomes the final lineart, I don't make a separate layer for the final lineart anymore) -Drew eyes differently (lineart gaps again and smaller irises) inspired by BNHA's art style -Getting back into making comics frequently again -Also more proper BGs! -Perhaps the highest enjoyment I've had yet

2020: -Zines! -The most detail I've done yet -Tablet dies in the middle of my 3rd zine work in mid-late summer (R.I.P.), while I finished it with my backup tablet --This became my first 1000+ note popular pic!

[crazysnakey]

She-Ra season 5 thoughts and reactions [Spoilers]

Adora’s Dreams???? Is she trying to reconnect her connection to She-ra or smth???

Of course everyone argues about the Heart of Etheria. How can they not

Okay so there was that awkward af dinner scene, but Horde Prime confronting Catra on her feelings for Adora is 👌👌👌

Catra going to meet Glimmer several times. I think we all expected that.

Everyone telling Adora she’s not She-Ra anymore and her feeling needing to be useful... AAAAAAA

When they tied up a clone and he just started blabbering about how Prime is great and all and they’re like “was hordak like this” and Scorpia straight up being like “nah he just said get out a lot” like even Scorpia anknowledges that Hordak was like an angsty emo teen boy

Everyone being like “WTF DO WE DO NOW ADORA ALWAYS MAKES THE PLANS UGH”

Entrapta... good old entrapta going apeshit over the tech

Horde Prime really does that huh? Not only does he destroy planets and take their food he keeps their treasures and stuff as his trophies

GLIMMER GO OFF YEAH DON’T LET HIM USE YOU

Horde Prime calling Catra little sister... 😟 hell no you bleached octopus

Scorpia’s impression of Entrapta is so funny like... “Yay! Science! Tech! *crazy hysterical laughing*

ENTRAPTA CAN YOU PLEASE NOT WALK INTO THE WAY OF GIANT DRONES AND BOTS PLEASE ITS A STEALTH MISSION

Mermista taking charge with Adora gone, go for it girl

Scorpia, i love you

“hooray! Oh I take back my hooray. Never mind I reinstate my hooray! Hooray!”

ENTRAPTA SAYING THAT SHE WORKS WITH TECH BETTER THAN PEOPLE AND SHE WANTED TO HELP THEM THRU TECH 😢😢

Those clones really pop out of nowhere huh? They’re just stationed everywhere huh? Like stormtroopers.

Shadow Weaver, you tsundere. You still have an attachment to Micah as your student

That one clone who’s neck just snapped and twisted (with all the great sound effects, yay!) 😨

Okay so Prime can see and talk thru all his clones... shoulda seen that coming

Hordak??? Hordak is that you

Catra straight up telling Hordak that it’s reassuring to see a familiar face even if they weren’t on the best of terms... 🥺

Is Hordak starting to remember?? Is he gonna remember Entrapta aaaaaaaaaaa come on pls

Adora taking them all to the place in her dream... wow somethings up y’all

UH WHERE IS MADAME RAZZ IN ALL THIS?????????

Going to save Glimmer... good luck y’all are seriously gonna need it

Micah pretending to be She-Ra was so funny I don’t know why

Oh so Prime can’t track First Ones tech... thank god

Wow remember when I said Hordak might be remembering?? Haha we just got the rug pulled out from under us

The Horde clones are a literal fucking cult and their chanting is seriously unnerving like wow Noelle props to making it unsettling

Aaaaaaaaand Hordak was reset again (in a weirder way too with that bathtub of whatever the fuck is in there) think he’ll somehow remember again? Entrapta my girl I’m counting on you

Entrapta naming the ship Darla... I’m getting Emily vibes

CATRA GETTING FLASHBACKS OF HER AND ADORA AS KIDS JUST RIP MY HEART OUT WHY DON’T YOU 🥺😭

Okay but does Prime have no cameras or anything??? He’s got clones and advanced tech but no cameras or scanners in his own ship?? Probably bc his clones are his cameras or smth

CATRA APOLOGIZING AND SAYING SHE WANTS TO DO SOMETHING GOOD WHEN SHE SAVES GLIMMER... WOAH 😭

They really gave us Swift Wind feels huh? They really did that to us

Scorpia saying that Kyle told her he has a crush on Rogelio... awww

The Star siblings are so sweet. Also Adora stop eating all their food

Bow just helping and protecting Glimmer even tho he’s still mad at her... 😊🥰

SHE-RA?!?!?????? She-ra is that you

Adora saying she wants to go back for Catra and that she needs her... 😭😭😭

One of the episodes is literally named “Save the Cat” like 😂😂😂

BRAINWASHED CATRA AAAAAA NO TF

Somehow I knew that Prime was probably gonna brainwash Catra but actually seeing it is something else

Okay but Wrong Hordak..., crying, no idea what to do, really innocent just trying his best don’t hurt him

So the clones and Prime use a hive mind... cool coolcoolcool

Horde Prime uses vessels??? He just jumps in from one body to the other??? He can do that??? Literally if he does that to any of the rebellion people I’ll drag him out of there with my bare hands

Excuse me??? Horde Prime knew the First Ones???? He destroyed them????? HORDE PRIME DESTROYED THE FIRST ONES WHAT

Adora fighting Catra,,,, AGAIN

Catra slowly remembering ONLY FOR PRIME TO SCREW IT UP AND INTERFERE THAT DIRTY PIECE OF-

New She-Ra form

NEW SHE-RA FORM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NEW CLOTHES NEW POWERS NEW SWORD

WHERE TF DID IT COME FROM THO???????

They better have a good explanation of this and not just some asspull don’t do us dirty that way

Then screwing over Horde Prime and wrecking his shit. NICE 👍👏👏👏

OH MY GOD HORDAK FINDING ENTRAPTA’S PINK “LUVD” CRYSTAL AND GOING “Entrapta?” OHHHHH BOY WE GON GET SOME NOW

Everyone on the ship just dealing with stuff. Wrong Hordak continues to be the nicest person yet.

Micah is so funny he’s just like I want some cake and Frosta’s like UGH and he’s just like “Do kids not like cake anymore???”

Elberon. Hoooo boy that was weird and fucked up. Goosebumps. Honestly they should’ve seen it from a mile away that something was up

AAAAAAAAAH SPINNERELLA NOOOOOOOO

Catra’s new hair without the helmet is really nice. Kinda like her past being cut away and moving towards the future. I see she’s back with draping herself all over Adora and annoying her

Secret Underwater Party Adventure literally what

Scorpia’s song ❤️💖❤️... hot DAMN girl you are AMAZING and VALID and I STAN YOU

Glad to see the underwater people are doing great in these trying times

That montage of people with a grudge against Sea Hawk and Mermista beating them up is so fucking funny like “ANYONE ELSE WHO’S BOAT YOU’VE SET ON FIRE??!?”

DOUBLE TROUBLE?!!??!1?!1!??!???

Ironically DT was lying when they said Adora’s in space with a sword fighting but they didn’t know that’s what’s actually happening asdfjdn

Oh my god Mermista have you been chipped too

Literally everyone has been chipped so I guess no one’s safe idk what I was think. ing. 🤷‍♀️

How do those chips even work?? Does someone just slap it on the back of someone’s neck and that’s it?

EVEN MICAH’S BEEN TAKEN CONTROL OF?!?

That’s one heck of an anniversary....

Okay, Krytis gives me Krypton vibes. Anyone else??? It’s a planet, some superbeing’s weakness, and the name. Also it’s like, destroyed/abandoned has no life on it

Catra and the gang with their antics... she’s clearly not used to their carefree improvising ... laughing ... awww 😊 ~

Castaspella where have YOU been the whole time??

“How is it we’ve lost so many fine members of the rebellion yet we’re still stuck with you?” WOW Not holding back anything huH

Castaspella why are you even still wearing those longass robes and that cape

MAGIC??!? THAT’S THE SECRET??? THAT- actually makes sense. Prime uses science and tech so magic is something that’s probably out of his depth

Someone get me a shapeshifting cat please Melog is so cool

Wrong Hordak you’ve found your own truth go for it you spunky little boi

“Brother, I hope you too are full of love for Horde Prime and have no crippling doubt eating at your soul” GOLD. COMEDY GOLD I TELL YOU

HORDAK REMEMBERING THE ENTRAPTA RAINBOW SCENE AAAAAAAA

That montage where Netossa lists everyone’s weaknesses is so funny, Catra’s just like “I’m different. I’m a real threat.” Then Netossa just. Sprays her with water. Like. Wow.

Even in this troubling time, dad jokes persist. This is awesome. George and Lance have their priorities sorted well. Bow is so done with it 😆

HORDE PRIME WAS THERE IN PERSON THE WHOLE TIME?!

Literally what?????????? The heart can be taken WITHOUT SHE-RA???? Horde Prime ain’t screwing around babeyyyyy

Scorpia.... don’t lose to it AAA 🥺🥺🥺 and Perfuma is so positive and does the Fairy Tail thing where she believe in her friends no matter what

Shadow Weaver, the only one using actual logical deduction in the team while everyone else panics and makes puns

Okay Shadow Weaver’s speech to Adora might sound cruel but it’s actually logical and truthful. She’s being honest.

ENTRAPDAK REUNION. YES. YESYES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY SPOP OTP HAS RETURNED HORDAK STILL BEING ANGSTY

“YOUR IMPERFECTIONS ARE BEAUTIFUL” Entrapta you’re killin me

Glimmer’s first meeting with Micah and THIS is how it goes?!? Wow

“Adora it doesn’t always have to be you!!” That gives me so many feels bc it’s kinda true

CATRA STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS DON’T DO THAT THIS TIME YOU’VE COME SO FAR NOW NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“Adora doesn’t want me! Not like I want her” number one that’s so sad, number two NO, number three GURL ADORA DOES WANT YOU BACK LIKE THAT SHE LOVES YOU

Entrapta girl, you can do it you spunky little gremlin

The memories,,, AaAAAaaaaaAAaAAAAA

Glimbowww!!!! Glimbow Glimbow Glimbow!

“You’re worth more that what you can give to other people. You deserve love too.” OH MY GOD THAT IS SUCH A GOOD AND POSITIVE MESSAGE TO GIVE NOT JUST TO ADORA BUT TO PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE

GLIMMER comin in to SAVE THE DAYAY and Seahawk ,, 🤣🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂😂 you’re the highlight of these moments I swear 😂🤣😂

“My oldest enemy”?? Does he mean She-Ra or the First Ones? also WHAT is that giant green tentacle monster

THE LITTLE ENTRAPTA LOGO ON HER SCANNERS AND TECH THAT IS SO CUTE

KYLE AND ROGELIO AND LONNIE ARE STILL TOGETHER AND THEY’VE ADOPTED IMP AWWWWW AAAAAA

George and Lance are so proud of their son ~

Shadow Weaver !!!!!!! AAAAA AND TAKING OFF THE MASK and then just. FUCKIN G DYING??!!!??? SHADOW WEAVER YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE ME THESE FEELS AT THE END

Double Trouble you little shit

Holee shit, THAT is the heart??? It looks like empty cubes or shapes or something...

GO HORDAK GO OFF

DID HE JUST KILL PRIME???? YES!!!

Oh shit, nevermind, they are a hive mind after all,,, ........ FUCK

CATRA GOING “I LOVE YOU I ALWAYS HAVE”

CATRADORA KISS

CATRADORA KISS

CATRADORA KISS

THEY GLOWED AND TURNED RAINBOW GAY RIGHTS

THEY PLAYED CATRA AND ADORA’S SOUNDTRACK IN THEIR BIG MOMENT

Hordak’s memory with baby Adora??? Like adorable????

ENTRAPDAK REUNION AAAAAAA THE HUG

“HI I’M DAD” WOW

ALL THE REUNIONS

Mermista’s just like slightly unsettled by Entrapdak. Begone Antis.

Literally Madame Razz have you been just walking around and dusting stuff

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ENDING WHAT A GOOD WAY TO END THE SHOW HOLY SHIT WOW

All of my ships have become canon this season Catradora Glimbow Entrapdak Seamista thank you Noelle MY CROPS ARE WATERED MY SKIN CLEARED MY DEPRESSION CURED MY HOPE RESTORED THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO WORKED ON SPOP I AM BLESSED