#SHITTING MYSELFF

[cleumoo]

FUCK SHIT FUXK

LEVIATHAN WHAT ARE WE

THSI IS THE BIGGEST HELL SENT LUCK I EVER BAGGEDD😩😩😩😩😩😩

[schizochasm]

Did I just have noodles? Maybe.

Am I gonna get fucked up over it? Definitely.

Am I gonna lose some freedom over it? Also yes.

I may be in self hatred mode over it rn.

And terrified of the scale tomorrow.

Yeeeeeey eating disorders are so fun!

Eats a couple 100 kc4ls worth of noodles, gonna gain w3ight, and I hate myself for it.

This is so desirable!

[fishy-lava]

went to bed in an absolutely horrific mood but I woke up to people going feral over a drawing I did months ago so I'm good now

[jrwiyaoi]

:P

[ocdisgusting]

A bad mood of my own making

[eulchu]

did u see the tiktok dream just liked?

vt.tiktok.com/ZS85qh2tP/

..... boy its too early

are you fucking shitting me right now i.m gonna blow this entire fucking place up and tuen myselff

[enchanted-binds]

Was inspired by another post

But imagine if I got caught cumming without permission,, getting told to be ready and getting locked into a room without any clothes and wrists bound to my ankles, giving verbal conset to the punishment

Letting anyone walk in, unable to cover myselff

What would you do to me

(also Dm's or asks are completely encouraged, tease the hell out of me (considering going denial for a bit too, feel free to encourage that))

[anonymouscheeses]

GUYSSS WE MADE ITTT‼️‼️‼️

WE MADE IT TO 500 FUCK YEAAHHH IM SHITTING MYSELFF THATS- THATS HALF OF A THOUSAND 😨😨

NOW MULTIPLY YOURSELVES /J

SRSLY THO THANK YOU EVERYONE MWA MWA! HAVE A SNEAK PEAK OF MY POST ON FRIDAY 🥰🥰🥰🫶🫶🫶

RAHHH THANK YOU AGAIN

[alternias-human-encounters]

NNot a human encounter, but still REALLY REALLY importanTT!

YYesterday while out on patrol i found some weird human books washed up on the shore and decided to read through them to pass the timEE.

AAnd uHH. NNot to alarm anyone, buTT.

'EEarth' might have a GUARDIAN CHERUBB?!? II don't know if the reports were fake, i'm not a human, and according to the books it (she?) actively avoids being seen to the point of being considered just a myth, but stiLL! AAside from human items appearing as far south as soltaria, thiSS??? SSeems like SUPER IMPORTANT information, too important to keep to myselFF?

-@burninggills

HOly shit uhhhHH?????? I don't knOW THat much aboUT CHErubs bUT THat sEEms importaNT, YEah. do yOU HAvE any spEcifiCS ABout it?? naME, PUblishing datE ON THE books, ETC.

[finalexpenses]

dude i literally need a croptop or else im gonna shit myselff

[tem-tem-timmy]

ramblee abt autism incoming

Beingggf autistic is not “silly” i fuckinggggg hateee it guhh,,

having a character as a special interest is silly until its a factor on you not ending it all

i HATE talking about being autistic publicly because of the amount of ableism i’ve experienced from my family [mostly my dad :smiles:] and just how glorified ppl on the internet have made it??

i don’t have a lot of safe spaces and to be blunt im terrified of even saying im autistic without someone going in my ear “URMMMmmMmmMm U cannn write, talk, walk and shit fine uRRR nOt AUTISTIC?!1?1! UR JUS SILLYYT” LIKE STFUU PLZ. ive had to basically monitor the times ive said “autistic” and jus autism in general to ppl because i do NOT wanna come off as those “haha autism is so zilly gayz UWU OwO!!! *stims cutely*” LIKE EW I HATE THOSE TYPES OF PPL /gen /neg

don’t get me wrong there’s things about it i like: i probably wouldn’t be as creative without my autism being a factor of myself and having clive as a coping mechanism is wayy healthier than a lot of coping mechanisms i have done in the past. i think its just eternalized ableism that makes me think otherwise. plus i do not owe anybody an explanation on my autism at all, having it in my bios isn’t for aestheticz its a genuine disability i struggle with [ESPECIALLY my depression and anxiety as well].

i do not have a lot of safe spaces because like said my dad has made me not feel comfortable talking about my autism and plus ive gotten bullied and shit for it so bad to the point ive just resulted in not bringing it up for my own safety. and also i have a bad habit in the past of being to much of a “vent whore” publicly and being wayy too tmi so ive been trying to keep my cool publicly. um idk i just wanted to ramble cauze its been bothering mee, being online is kinda my only safe space for me to be myselff so yuh

[cerinelle-stellarium]

Anytime I catch wind of a particular shit situation irl, I remind myselff, 'Remember where you came from. Trust in shoujo and magical girls'.

[dadkisser15]

I’m actually going to cry why do I miss him so much right now ☹️

He’s asleep and I don’t really want to sleep yet because I want to speak with him but I’m just doomscrolling on TikTok as one does and I decided that I missed his face and opened up my camera roll and he sent me this picture that his brother took of him sleeping earlier and it’s just so cute. Oh there’s tears in my eyes I really really like this man ,,,,,

He just looks so beautiful, he wouldn’t believe me if I told him that but I really do just adore his features. (If we had kids oh my godddd. I know that’s crazy that I’m even thinking that but I CANNOT HELP MYSELFF!!!) I love his eyes and his long lashes, I love his beautiful brown hair (especially when it’s messy) , his cute scruffy facial hair and his side burnnsssssssss. Oh and his nose, especially in the picture i mentioned earlier ohhhh my gosh it just looks so amazing. He dislikes his nose so much and constantly makes jokes about reducing the size of it and it upset me a lot because I really do believe it’s beautiful. To me it’s like a work of art, when I was doing more character art my favorite thing to draw was noses !! His nose shape was literally my favorite type to draw and I feel like that makes him very special. Like, wow this boy I’m insanely infatuated with is quite literally a work of art. I’m still looking at the picture and I didn’t mention earlier but I love his cute little mustache, everytime I look at it I just wonder how it would feel to his him and feel that brush against my lip, would it even? I’m not sure, I kinda forgot how it feels like to kiss someone but I’d love to relearn with him. That feels a tad inappropriate to say but I really do feel that way. I’m not feeling really sad anymore but I’m also just upset by the fact that I was even missing him even though I spoke to him a couple hours ago. He literally told me before going to bed not to miss him too much and i thought to myself, “that’s silly, it’s just a couple hours and I’ll be fine” and I hate to say it but he was right. I hate how he knows how my brain works, well.. I don’t hate it. It’s just embarrassing how predictable I am, maybe I’m just boring but who reallly knows.!!! Oh and I was so upset because he left me on sent for a little while see actually I’m okay with that but I just didn’t know what he was doing and that was upsetting me and because I didn’t know my brain immediately jumped to overthinking so I kinda just upset myself. I know verrry dumb but that’s just how I am, I’m always just thinking of the what’s if and I made myself feel bad for no reason. Maybe I do need a lobotomy but what if my overthinking was right. What do I do then!!!!! Be the other woman ? FUCK NOOOOOO !!!!!! I’d rather get stabbed in the arm five times in the same spot okay wait that actually sounds deranged but listen I just would not like being a second option or some stupid shit like that and my insecurities are just jumping out at me and making me think I am but guys, wtf do I do actually if I am ??? 😨 KMS??? That’s also crazy and dramatic so no but I pray that this boy is not trying to do me dirty because I think I’d genuinely lose my mind. Can we just eviscerate all his female friends? Like genuinely, just treat them like fish or something idk 😜!! Sorry thatsss meannnnnn. He can have female friends i guessss 😒. I personally believe they shouldn’t be doing no corny shit with my boy though like cutesy nicknames or making them match with him like FUCKKKKNOOOOOOOOOO .!! 😭😭😭 THAT ALONE IS 50 FUCKING BODIES.

50 FUCKING BODIES !!!!

Kidding, I can’t do shit about that except SEETHE and that I will do!! I’m currently seething thinking about it right now. God, liking a boy with female friends is not for the weak because I am the weak and I cannot take this. Maybe it’s all the over thinking but this shit making me feel sick to my stomach.hhhhh. Oh my god can god take me right now because the thoughts that are going through my head right now might make me just pass away rn to just meeet him. Oh I wanna cry! WHATEERVEVEGER I’ll stay jealous, mad and seething like crazy. I just wish I could have him in my arms and just have him as mine. If he gets tired yeah he can leave but for now I’d just like to have him. Like ohh calm down guys you can have him back after like 2 weeks just let me have him for a while!!! I just want to treat him good and make him feel good. Ohhhhh guys don’t start throwing up pitchforks just because I want to keep him busy for a while, yall will get him back don’t worry 😒. Jeeeeezzzzzzus! Okay I thought that bit was funny. I’m not saying he should isolate himself or anything but like guys do we need female friends 🙄���🙄. Joking JOKINGG PUT THE PITCHFORKS DOWNN GUYS IT WAS A JOKE!!! Anyways I should conclude this dumb rant because nothing about this will change and I will forever be salty. OH MY GOD salty is the perfect way to describe how I’ve been feeling!! It’s like I’m jealous but I can’t do shit so all I can do is let this feeling linger and be salty because I’m very non confrontational at times and especially when I don’t want to be verbal about my feelings. OHH LINGER BY THE CRANBERRIES

DO YOU HAVE TO LET IT LINGERRRRE DO YOU HAVE. TO LET IT LINGERRRR

[steaksex]

god no bc it really feels like im just watching you degrade this other person and im so wet and worked upp and i literally just came and i barely touched myselff .///. -🐾

Jesus, you already came? Youre fucked. Youre a lost cause. Getting so worked up over shit thats not even directed at you, you really are a needy bitch. I cant even think of anything to say, i just pity you

[ggonz47o]

STEADILY CRYIN BY MYSELFF

LIKE WHYY DAA FUCCC DO I EXISSTTT

[inside-the-tardis]

Another day, another journal entry

Nothing much to add about yesterday, I fell asleep soon and fast, only woke up to clean my bed and shut the light and pass out. As I wake up, I'm happy to be greeted by nothing and no one and no deadlines. Though I, as always, have tasks to do today and things to obviously get done. I needed to get to those as soon as I could. First things first however, as soon as I woke up and sent out my (early) morning texts, I get a phone call from a friend, and usually I don't mind, but I did just wake up and you are just video calling, but I'm happy to talk, I took a massive dump during the conversation and I feel refreshed, vitalised and I wash, I don't wipe.

I light up a joint left over from last night. I need music, I need conversation in the background, I play Youtube to keep my thoughts and give my writng some companionship.

I have somehow mustered the strength of going for a shower and as I type this, have still much cleaning to do, but half a joint left to smoke to motivate me. It is a sunny day however and I lobe and enjoy days like these for sure.

I truly believe I have lost the ability to physically write down things on paper, and as much as I say so, I still sometimes will pick up a pen and paper to write but Im much more consciousof what I put on paper. If used well, I can really use my typing skills to mybenefit.

Especially and after and becasuse of work too. I still must go ahead, nourish my skin, drinking 3 glasses of water as I speak, proceeding to apply mango and passionfruit lotion and scent to go with it, i shall proceed to dress myselff, brush my teeth, comb my hair out, eat almonds and fix myself some soymilk and oats, along with oat milk and cereal and some good oat and honey bread to go with it, Too much oat, dont you think?

I have myself had two bowls of cereal with chia seeds and two chocolate au pain, or chocolate embedded bread. I'm thinking of more eggs and bread, eventually. I continue watching Youtube videos. I haven't even begun my tasks for the day. I want to roll another joint. And just like that, it is afternoon at high noon, 1pm on 1st April, 2023.

As I write this, it is now close to 8PM, how the time hsa passed even I have no clue. I have smoked too many joints to keep track of, I have eaten a bunch of things incluidng a pizza and two cheese sandwiches. I took a shit twice today which is also a good sign since Im definitely bulking. I plan to make ice in coconut milk tonight and eat it with yoghurt. Tomorrow I intend to cook some pasta and clean out my fridge. I even went online and ordered myself a few things I needed. I wish to save some money now since I have none left but it seems that savings shallhave to wait. I have a few essentials i need to buy first. I watched a movie, a new hindi romantic flick and it was horrible no story no plot, new actors and terrible acting and backdrop. Even te characters appearance did not strike me as too appealing. im now watching Taxi Driver made by Martin Scorscese in 1976. I might make myself a cup of coffee and go downstairs to pick up my newly arrived Stylus pen for my new tablet that shall arrive tomorrow. More on this later.