#SHE SHOULDA DEBUTED

[yenluv]

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[camels-pen]

livin' two lives is a little weird

Summary:

Sam and Tucker had no manners. No manners at all.

Danny couldn't really argue with the outcome though.

based on @ectoblastfromthepast's prompt "Everyone knows Danny is Phantom. But they don't know about his *other* double life."

Ao3 Link | Haunted Harry series

“Do I have to do this?”

“Nope.”

“Wait, really?”

“You don’t have to do anything.” Ember grinned. “But if you chicken out and don’t go through with this, I’ll tell Plasmius who really dyed his cats hot pink.”

Danny groaned.

---

“Hey guys, wanna listen to”—she pulled out a CD in a blank case from her bag—“the new Haunted Harry song?”

“What? There’s a new one?”

“Yup, he debuted it at his last concert.” She flipped the case around. The back had Wilted Willows written in scribbly black sharpie.

“Man, I shoulda been there for that,” Tucker grumbled. “Being grounded blows.”

“Shouldn’t have gotten caught sneaking out last time then.”

“I wouldn’t have if you actually brought your rope ladder with you when you came to pick me up.”

“I thought you had it handled.” Sam rolled her eyes. “And who just brings a rope ladder with them everywhere they go?”

Tucker nudged the front of her backpack with his shoe. “You carry a bat in your bag all the time.”

“Yeah, but I need that.”

“For what?”

“Stuff.”

It was Tucker’s turn to roll his eyes. “Very descriptive and not suspicious at all.”

“You know, you’re getting angry with the wrong person.” She bumped shoulders with Danny. “If he’d agreed to show up, he could’ve just flown you to the venue without anyone noticing.”

“I told you guys, I was busy.” Danny walked a little ahead of them, carefully not looking at the CD still in Sam’s hand. “And I’ve heard the guy’s songs. They’re not that great.”

“‘Not that great’? He’s better than Ember!” Tucker yelled.

“Tucker, she mind controlled you.”

“That’s why he’s better!” Tucker pointed at him. “And why you should come to his next show! You’ll love it, D!” 

He looked to Sam for help, but she shook her head. “Harry’s music is really good and his genre is the kind you’d love.”

Danny groaned. “I’ll think about it, okay? But don’t get your hopes up.”

“Here,”—Sam held out the CD to him—“I’ve already listened to this album a dozen times. You can borrow it for a while. I know you’re gonna love it.”

Danny held up his hands. “I really don’t need—”

“I insist.”

“Seriously, I’d rather not—”

Sam shoved it into his chest. “Just take it.”

“Oh, do you hear that?” Danny put a hand to his ear. Sam furrowed her brows. “Sounds like a ghost attack somewhere far far away. I better get going, see ya!” He ducked behind Tucker, transformed and flew off. 

In the distance he heard Tucker say, “Ember’s songs still slap by the way!”

---

“Hey, y’know? I think I’m starting to like this.”

“Told ya, you would!”

“No, you said ‘it’ll be funny watching you flail around’ and ‘I hope your voice cracks when you’re on stage’.”

“That’s basically the same thing.”

---

“...thought I heard Ember back here,” someone’s faint voice drifted down through the vents. It was slightly distorted by the metal and the echoing, but it was familiar in some way.

Danny wasn’t really focused on that though. He was more wondering what kind of “fans” managed to A) realize Ember was helping out with setting up the stage for the show, and B) were so desperate to meet her that they were crawling through the vents.

“Oh can it, you just want to meet Haunted Harry,” another voice said.

“You can’t prove anything.” 

Well, that was. Mildly better. 

Danny turned invisible in his spot at the vanity. There, now he could just wait for them to show up, find nothing, and eventually leave. Hopefully Ember wouldn’t come back to check on him for a while.

The familiar bickering started to get a bit louder and Danny started to realize just who the people were that were arguing in the vents.

He wanted to say he expected better of them, but he couldn’t deny that he’d probably do the same.

“How are we supposed to get through this?”

“Move up, I’ll kick it open.”

Danny watched with no small amount of amusement as there was a loud bang and Sam and Tucker fell through the grate in a heap. 

“Ugh, why’d the floor have to be concrete.” Tucker groaned. 

“Get off.” Sam shoved Tucker off her. “Hurry up and look around, someone might’ve heard us.”

The two practically ransacked Danny’s dressing room. Did they not care about the stuff they’d leave behind for people to clean up? Danny was ashamed of them and not just because it was his dressing room they were messing around with, nor because he’d eventually have to clean up himself. He was just plain ashamed.

They really need to learn some manners.

“Who said that?” Sam asked. Fuck, did he say that out loud?

“Uhh, no one,” he answered, purposefully making his voice deeper.

Sam pulled out the bat from her bag—and of course it was the Fenton Anti-Creep Stick; he really needed to tell Jazz not to lend that out so frequently—and poised herself right in front of the vanity, her gaze a little too far up and to the right of him. “Alright, you can come out quietly or I can swing until I hit ectoplasm.”

“Wait, wait!” Danny turned himself visible and waved his hands. “Chill, it’s just me!” 

“Wh—Danny? Why are you—?” Tucker gasped. “You’re Haunted Harry?!” Oh fuck, he forgot he was still wearing his getup.

Danny gave a nervous laugh. “What? Me? No. I was just, uh, looking for Ember! Same as you guys.” Haha nailed it. Secondary secret identity saved.

“Then why the hell are you wearing Haunted Harry’s costume?” Sam asked. “And wearing the exact makeup he does?”

Fuck. Uhhh. “I’m undercover.”

“Why would you need to be undercover?”

Danny crossed his arms. “How else would I get back here to look for Ember?”

“Ghost powers!” Sam and Tucker shouted, with Sam staring at him unimpressed while Tucker pulled at his short hair.

“You guys are losing it. I mean, what does Haunted Harry even look like?” Wait, no. That’s not what he meant to say. “How do you know I’m wearing the exact thing he does? I heard he changes costumes all the time.” Yeah yeah. That should throw them off. 

“Which is true except you’re wearing his original costume!” Tucker grabbed the lapels of Danny’s jacket and shook him. “The one no one’s been able to replicate properly!” 

Shit. Had no one been able to figure out how to make an entire outfit glow yet? Shit shit shit. This was gonna be harder than he thought. He did his best attempt at looking confused and pitying. “Didn’t you say he’s only been around a few months? Give the fans and dedicated cosplayers a little more faith, Tuck.” The boy looked a bit put out at Danny’s words and mumbled something about having plenty of faith, but not enough glow in the dark paint. Danny patted his shoulder in sympathy.

Okay, perfect. He could still get out of this scot-free. Just one more person to convince.

“Sam—”

“You’re not convincing me otherwise, Danny.”

“It’s not ‘convincing’ if I’m totally telling the truth!”

Sam counted off on her fingers. “The sparkly white jacket. The long black tie. The fingerless gloves. Not to mention your killer eye shadow.” She crossed her arms. “You’re definitely Haunted Harry.”

“And you didn’t tell us! Us!” Tucker said, incensed as he got over his grumbling about cosplays. “Your best friends in the whole world who love your music and would literally die to meet you!”

“Yeah. Dick move, Danny,” Sam said, dumping several bottles of dark coloured nail polish into her bag as if Danny wasn’t looking straight at her. “We would’ve been supportive—”

“We woulda been so supportive! I mean, you’ve been doing this for, what? A few months? And you’re popular, but not that popular.” Tucker ranted, pacing around the room. “I coulda been your number 1 hype man! I coulda sold a bunch of backstage passes and autographed CDs to get us rich! I coulda—”

Danny slapped a hand over Tucker’s mouth. “Stop yelling at me. I only did this because I was blackmailed!”

Sam narrowed her eyes. “You were blackmailed into ‘impersonating’ a popular popstar?”

“No, I just had to—”

“Perform one song I wrote in under an hour in exchange for me keeping quiet on certain things he’s been getting up to in his spare time.” An unnaturally warm arm wrapped around his shoulders. “Ain’t that right, Dipstick?”

Fuck.

“So, it’s true?!” they both asked, sparkles in his eyes. 

“You weren’t even sure? After all that?”

Tucker shrugged. “The lights are really bright on stage and it’s not like we’ve seen Haunted Harry up close before.” Sam nodded her agreement.

Danny groaned loudly.

“So,”—Sam raised her brows—“How long have you really been doing this?”

“It was going to be just one show.” Danny dragged a hand down his face. “I honestly didn’t think it would go this long.”

“Kid took a real shine to it!” Ember said, laughing. “I was hoping to embarrass him, but instead I got myself a mentee!”

“Mentee…?” Tucker asked skeptically.

“Oh yeah, Harry here has been a real treat to train.” She ruffled his hair. Man, he just gelled that into place. “I’ve shown him a whole bunch of things and he’s been soaking up things like a sponge!”

Sam grabbed Danny’s shoulder and pulled him behind her and Tucker, who had brought out a Fenton Ecto-Gun out of nowhere. She readied her bat. “Alright, well it stops now.”

“What? Why?” Ember and Danny both asked.

“We know what you’re up to, Ember, and it’s not gonna work.” Tucker nudged Danny towards the door, whispering, “Don’t worry dude, we got it handled. You get out of here before her music mojo starts affecting you again.”

“You think she’s controlling me?” Danny asked, baffled. “To sing at a cafe every Thursday evening?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Guys, no. Ember’s not—”

“We can talk about it later when we’re far away from her.” Sam tightened her hand on the bat. “That isn’t going to be a problem, is it?” 

Ember watched them, an easy smile on her face. “Not at all, if you two want to drag your boyfriend away for a checkup, be my guest. He’s done for the night anyway.”

“Wh—But the encore!” Danny whined.

“I’ll cover you.” Danny pouted. “Oh, buck up. They’ll all be here next week. And it’ll give them something to talk about in the meantime.” She framed her hands in the air. “‘Up and coming popstar disappears before encore; seen running off with a boy and girl’ sounds like a pretty good headline to catch more attention for your shows, don’t you think?”

Danny felt a flush creep up his neck and he could see Sam and Tucker similarly suffering. “We’re not—I mean, like, it’s kinda complicated—and they don’t really—”

“A-Again, something to talk about later and not here,” Sam said pointedly. 

Tucker agreed, his shoulders up to his ears. “Yeah, uh, because I got a few things to say. Especially about—Oof.” Sam elbowed him in the gut. “Right, yeah, later.”

---

So, they left the venue. 

And, they talked on Sam’s huge bed. 

It was mostly Tucker and Sam realizing they were waiting for the other to ask Danny out and then both commiserating with each other when neither of them could do it. 

Danny was pretty stunned. 

“Why don’t we all just date each other?”

So now he was stunned with a boyfriend and girlfriend.

It would be pretty great if they didn’t still insist Ember was controlling him.

“The Danny I know would never be that good at asking people out.”

“Tuck, Ember was the one who started this whole conversation.”

“Exactly. She’s up to something.”

Danny sighed. “Sam, please. You’ve seen me under her control. You know I’d be more hopelessly lovesick than this.”

Sam hummed. “You have a point.” She lightly kicked his shin. “You really like singing, then? And she’s really been helping you?”

Danny rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m as surprised as you are. But when I got on stage for the first time—I don’t know, something just clicked.”

Tucker smiled. “Well, as long as you’re happy.”

“I am. I really am.” He felt a dopey grin spread on his face. “Almost as happy as I am that I’ve got two new partners now.” He felt a giddiness in his chest and covered his quickly warming face with a little squeal. “Holy fuck I am so fucking happy, I could kiss you guys.”

“Well?” 

He peeked out of his hands at Sam. “Well what?”

“What’s stopping you?”

He felt his face get infinitely warmer. “You can’t just say that!”

“Sure I can. If you’re too shy to go first though… Tucker?” Time seemed to slow as Danny watched Sam peck Tucker on the lips. Tucker was stiff as a board and She was beet red. “S-See? Nothing to it.”

“You’re blushing.”

“We’re all blushing.”

“And you guys are beautiful! I could watch you do that all day. Actually, I’d much rather do that instead of embarrassing myself, please continue.”

Tucker and Sam shared a look and they tackled Danny to the bed, littering his face with kisses. He sputtered and his arms flailed around for a moment before his nerves started to flutter away, carried by his laughter.

Once he’d really relaxed into the mattress, they stopped for a moment and shared another look, one that brought a deeper blush to both of their faces. 

He wasn’t quite sure what they were doing, still trying to catch his breath and giggling a bit, but it was very evident the moment Sam bent down for a more lingering kiss, her chapped lips pressed right on top of his own. 

He hardly had time to kiss back before Tucker took his turn, with lips a little more pursed, a little stiff.

It was perfect.

“I think I’ve been blessed by the Ancients,” Danny said, a warm, floaty feeling in his chest.

“Yeah,” Tucker said dreamily, his head in his hands.

Sam herself had a big smile on her face before it slipped away. “Wait a minute.” She narrowed her eyes. “What if the music Ember writes for you makes you mind control other people?”

Danny and Tucker both groaned. “Sam.”

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

So I'm stealing this from @tayloralisonswift and you should definitely check out their version, but I'm going to listen to and rank all of Taylor's songs album by album (and then maybe her non album songs at the end).

Some minor changes: I'm going to be doing all of each album in one post (so 11 - 12 posts all up), I will be adding the Beautiful Eyes EP to debut (because truth be told I think it'll be part of debut's vault tracks anyway), I will be starting at debut and going forward in Taylor's discography, and I will be ranking them out of 10 not 13. I'm also making note here that I am ranking the versions I like best. So for example, I hate Girl At Home (Taylor's Version) but love the original, so the original is the one being ranked because that is what I listen to (noting that I own all the CDs so don't @ me about that). Anyway with that in mind, let's get started with debut.

Tim McGraw: Does this song get nostalgia points? Yes, yes it does. It was the first song I listened to given debut had not even come out yet at the time and was the one time I remember really bonding with my maternal grandfather over something (country music). But even outside of that nostalgia, it genuinely is a great song and great business move to have this be her first single. 9/10.

Picture To Burn: I understand the controversy of the changed lyrics, but honestly despite not being straight, they never bugged me and just felt very teenagery 'If you tell everyone I'm undateable, I'll do the same'. Ultimately a bop but one I don't listen to all that much. 7/10.

Teardrops On My Guitar: God have I never felt older than at Eras Melbourne night three when most of the people in my section were giving me weird looks for knowing this song. I swear it used to be one of her most known songs. I do prefer the RED tour version of this song but overall a great song that I feel is one of her most universal. 9/10.

A Place In This World: I know this is (or at least was during Taylor's earlier days, I feel it's less so nowadays) a fan favourite but it just never hit for me, sorry. Like there's nothing wrong with it, but realistically I can't tell you the last time I listened to it and it's never been a song I've been drawn to. 5/10.

Cold As You: The OG track five! I can't call her underrated because I feel a lot of people love her, but it's deserved. By far one of the debut songs I have listened to over time, even if I don't as much anymore. 8/10.

The Outside: So this is one of those songs I feel like I should relate to more because I was an 'unpopular' kid and had a falling out with one 'popular' group. But Imma be real, at my school, all of the 'unpopular' kids formed a big group plus I had friends in other years so yeah... Again another song I couldn't tell you the last time I listened to (despite it being a fan fave at one point) and just really one I'm not fussed on. 4/10.

Tied Together With A Smile: To be honest, I feel very similarly about this as Cold As You. I know it's a fan fave, but it deserves all the praise it gets and has arguably been the debut song that's gotten me through the most so I just love it. I don't listen to it as much nowadays, but it'll probably always have a fond place in my heart. 8/10.

Stay Beautiful: It's a cute song. I like it, but it's not a favourite. 6/10.

Should've Said No: A bop. The live version with "whoa oh, you shoulda said no baby, now everybody knows!" lives rent free in my head as one of my favourite live performances. 7/10.

Mary's Song: My OG stan song. My favourite debut song to this day. Did you all know she wrote this about me and my first partner; she left out the part where I head butted him in between daring him to kiss me and running when he tried though (joking). But yeah from the minute I heard that line, let alone the rest of the song, it was over for 11 year old me who had a crush on her brother's best friend (later becoming my first partner). We're still super close to say the least and are raising a child together, so yeah, the song just means a lot to me and probably always will. 10/10.

Our Song: This is one of those songs I feel everyone else likes more than I do. Like it's fun, it hits sometimes, but it's never been a favourite of mine. 6/10.

I'm Only Me When I'm With You: Another cute bop. Not something I listen to often but a good time when I do. 6.5/10.

Invisible: I feel like this song gets outshone by Teardrops On My Guitar having similar themes and being on the same album, but I still love it dearly. Taylor dedicating it to a fan who has a queer reading of it is still one of my favourite things she's done. I genuinely feel like this is the most underrated track on this album and I hope it gets the love it deserves one day. 8/10.

A Perfectly Good Heart: This is and always has been the song I'm most excited for the rerecording for because god are the vocals the worst part of this song as it stands. It just sounds very grating to me, and while I don't think it ever would have been a favourite of mine, it definitely would have had more of a fighting chance had the vocals been better. 3/10.

Beautiful Eyes: To be honest, I don't remember the last time I listened to this, but I like it now more than I remember liking it before (not a high bar but still). It's nice. 6/10.

I Heart ?: I yearn for the day this is on spotify because I have so many playlists I want to add it to. A bop through and through. 7/10.

Final Score: 109.5/160 - 68.4%

[mywifeleftme]

142: The Muffs // The Muffs

The Muffs The Muffs 1993, Warner Bros.

I was super late to discovering the Muffs—a power pop-knower friend of mine texted me when singer/guitarist Kim Shattuck died in 2019 that she was embarrassed to have only given the band a try after the news broke, and I probably replied some garbled thing that implied I knew more about the band than I did while firing off a search of my own. I immediately and completely fell in love with the band’s 1993 debut, and while I’ve sampled their other records, this is still the one I’ve practically committed to memory. The Muffs is a ‘90s pop-punk record so it has like 16 songs, which my vinylized brain insists means it must be a double album though it’s a trim 41 minutes—my mind does the same thing with Green Day’s Dookie and Rancid’s …And Out Come the Wolves, two albums I would say are about on a par with this one. Still, even if the songs are short, when a band can boast this many hooky, memorable gems on one release, it conveys the same sweeping sense of a band at the height of its powers I get from your London Callings and Zen Arcades: “Lucky Guy,” “Saying Goodbye,” “Everywhere I Go,” “Better Than Me,” “From Your Girl,” “Big Mouth,” “Baby Go Round,” “Every Single Thing,” “All for Nothing”… these all shoulda been hits to my ears. But then, to my ears they are.

Style-wise, the Muffs are chugging skater punk with a heaping spoonful of Weezer/Teenage Fanclub-style power pop in the mix. Rob Cavallo (a year out from turning Green Day into megastars) gifts this one with the kind of triple-A radio rock production that makes the alternative landmarks of the era such pleasures to listen to (and presents us with the bizarre paradox of a hi-fi Angry Samoans cover). Like Nevermind, Weezer (Blue), and Siamese Dream,the guitar tones alone are an absolute feast. They sound like a fictional band from the third season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer who all the characters agree is the greatest in the world after they start a residency at the Brass, only by the end of the episode Kim Shattuck turns out to be a horned, blue-skinned demon using a charm to steal the lifeforce of teenagers when they headbang. I love that, while she’s capable of a girlish sweetness, she never tries to hide her edge: even while she’s swooning pensively through the turbocharged sock-hop ballad “From Your Girl” she lets just enough grain into her voice to remind you that just a minute or two earlier, on the snotty “Better Than Me,” she was shrieking like Courtney Love eating glass.

I don’t really know why the Muffs never blew up, though they had a lot of membership turnover between this first effort and 1995’s solid Blonde & Blonder. But if you’re a fan of the sound and this somehow missed you too, I fully encourage you to put your headphones on and inject some extremely high-concentrate 1993 into your ear canals.

142/365

[adultswim2021]

The Venture Bros. #33: “The Buddy System” | June 29, 2008 - 11:30PM | S03E05

The Buddy System! Sorta a normal episode! World-building is ever present in the Venture-verse, though, so we get at least a few firsts. (cool voice) Let’s dive in… shall we?

Dr. Venture launches a chintzy “Daycamp for Boy Adventurers”. Everyone on or near the compound has crappy informational booths, and Doc can sell photo ops and Rusty Venture merch. Lots of stuff happens, but despite that, there’s not a ton of story. It’s more of a collection of fun scenes and looming threats of story. For example: The Monarch is monitoring the festivities using the Moppets. His scenes exist mostly for laughs, and also to introduce Dr. Mrs. the Monarch’s new sexy costume. As noted in the commentary by Doc Hammer, it was nice seeing this costume at conventions. Seriously, when I used to go to conventions, there were so many hot Venture Bros. cosplayers. I sat next to a very beautiful Lady Au pair once, who had little baby dolls that she’d turned into the Moppets. I was too scared to talk to her. Shoulda asked for a photo.

I’m not sure if you can tell this, but I am having a hard time making this write-up come together. I guess what I'm trying to say is It’s a fine episode, and worth watching, but the middle stretch of season three is not my favorite of the series. I’m much more excited about season four. Damn. I wish this was season four right now. I am also high, and not really in the mood for this. I am in a big “organize stuff’ mood right now instead of a writing mood. I am pulling out some boxes of stuff and trying to find new places for them. Trying to make it so only best VHS tapes are out, and the bad ones are in storage. In other words, the shit that makes life worth living. 

This episode is also the debut of Dermott Fictel, a bad kid who befriends Hank. He uses sass mouth on Brock and it twists him up because he can’t touch Dermott; he’s just a kid. It’s also sorta implied that maybe he intuited some kind of familial bond with the boy. At the end of the episode, Dermott gets picked up by his mom and they briefly exchange dialogue that indicates that she brought the boy there to meet his real father (unbeknownst to said father). At the end we see a nice photo of them together after the ordeal they go through. The ordeal they go through is this: Brock tries to train Dean to fight Dermott but he doesn’t wanna. But then Dermott embarrasses Dean in front of Triana and also says nasty stuff to her, so Dean basically re-enacts the scene where Ralphie beats the shit out of Scott Farkus in A Christmas Story, which is a great movie, alright? 

There is a notable scene which functions as a cliff-hangery act-break: Dr. Venture takes kids into an old training facility that had been abandoned and through some mysterious, possibly super-sciencey reason, the inside of it has become a bio-diverse jungle filled with dangerous wild Gorillas. I mention this scene because I want to discuss how badly edited it is on the blu-ray; they did the thing where they tried to diminish the effects of it being an act break by making it so it doesn’t fade-out or in. This edit jumps out to me, it feels like a fan-edit or something. 

This scene has one of the funnier references and one of the darkest jokes of the series. The group of children lead by Dr. Venture and Billy Quizboy are immediately confronted with a terrifying and aggressive gorilla, and Rusty tries to do Ko-Ko talk to it. Ko-Ko was a famous, highly intelligent sign-language-doing Gorilla that had a children’s book published called Ko-Ko’s Kitten. I am of an age to have owned such a book, which was fairly ubiquitous when it was published. Before I saw this episode, I had read a transcript of an AIM chat Ko-Ko did via an interpreter, and Ko-Ko would intermittently use the words “lip” and “nipple” randomly throughout her Denis-Miller style rants. They do a riff on that here, but they soft-peddle the amount of times she typically said “nipple” in a sentence.

The dark joke is that Billy gets locked in the dome, and when he comes out his metal arm is torn asunder and he’s clutching a child’s shoe. He reports that he saw Ko-Ko Bone Tomahawk a child in there. Dr. Venture makes off with the shoe. At the end of the episode, the boy’s parents show up to collect him and Dr. Venture gives them a clone slug, apparently a quickie clone job he performed to make it up to them. When they walk away, slightly puzzled, Venture makes a point to say that the original kid’s DNA was a “walking time bomb for cancer” and that he “cleared that all up”.

It’s sorta enough to have him just be trying to protect his hide, but the cancer bit is a little bit of a softening of the character. In season one he straight up admits to having sacrificed an orphan to power his masturbation holodeck machine, But, I don’t blame the show for just pushing past that joke anyway. I’m sure if there was a letters section at the end of this show they’d address this letter by removing that joke from canon.

The cloned kid scene is a bit of a happy ending to the traditional bit of gallows humor surrounding camp. Like, remember how you’d sing self-deprecating camp songs and there’d always be comical exaggerations that involved the death of a fellow camper in the lyrics? Like the food’s so bad here that it murdered a kid who tried to eat it, haha! Those songs usually fail to thoughtfully address the parents of that child who would spend years mourning him (or her! mustn't be sexist!).

Also a thing I wanted to say about this scene; this episode's ending includes a montage of photos of the event, and there's a brief photo of the triad levitating a wheelchair kid. For a moment I thought it was actually the apparition of the dead boy, and that he died because of his lack of mobility, which is VERY funny, and VERY dark (except for the whole thing of ghosts being real, life after death, etc). I figured out that this is probably not the joke. It's probably just that if you could levitate people, you'd probably go out of your way to levitate wheelchair kids. They would love it so much.

What else? Oh, I didn’t do a sweep of the wiki for this episode, which is usually what i do to make sure that I can steal valor knowing a cultural reference that I didn’t actually get. There is what seems like a very specific Jonny Quest reference in this and the commentary basically confirms that. Oh yeah, there’s more Jonny Quest connectivity in this one. You better believe it.

That reminds me: I was supposed to do a thing where I was going to watch all the episodes of Jonny Quest before watching Venture Bros, but I never did. I thought maybe I’d at least weave a few episodes in here and there, as to not miss vital specific references to specific episodes. Sorry!

Another thing from the commentary that I thought was great was that the opening sequence, which is a commercial for the Daycamp, is a parody of an actual local ad for an actual local day camp. Where? I don’t know. But it’s a talking balloon instead of a talking lightbulb. I bet it’s this There are scrolling photos of children that are actual childhood photos of Jackson and Doc as boys, but they had to edit some of the kids out because they couldn’t find the person to ask for permission. 

Hey, I’m not sure people like when I do this, but I’m doing it anyway. I remember I was hanging out with my best friend Andrew when this episode came on, and I was planning to go home and watch it at 11:30PM, even claiming to have a hard out around 11 so I could make it home with plenty of time to spare. It is roughly 8:35PM, and Andrew turns on the TV and it’s playing. He has Direct TV and I didn’t realize that meant he got the east coast feed of Cartoon Network.

I see that the DVR is actually recording it, which means he could hit rewind and we could just watch it from the beginning. He goes “oh, cool. We can just watch it now!”  and he just keeps letting it play, all 5 minutes behind. I say “What’s fucking wrong with you, start it from the beginning!” and he groaned and rolled his eyes in a very exaggerated way, like he was being put out, and he literally pushed a single button and it started at the start. A very funny man!! That is my friend!

[lgcjaekyung]

@lgckeeho

the moment she saw him, the female did have to swallow around the lump in her throat. despite them talking things out, she can’t quite stop herself from thinking at times that things could have gone a lot better- a lot differently if not for her trying to reach beyond what she actually ended up achieving. losing her spot in the debut camp, losing her boyfriend, losing debut- it hadn’t been easy for her the last couple months but she wasn’t the type of girl to look back and go down the woulda, coulda, shoulda route. 

she made decisions and she was going to live with the consequences.

and despite her holding a soft spot for keeho still, there was no way she’d go easy on him in what was considered a variety competition. so with her arms folded across her chest she tossed a confident smirk towards the male idols, head held high and silently challenging them to try and dare win. 

“as for my special talent- one of much- many?” the language being just a bit of a barrier did not stop her from being her joking self. so with a giggle she went on. “it’s sound imitation!”

[azuremallone]

Park's closed, the moose out front shoulda told ya.

Quick lookup on this indicates that "Human Zoos" were not "Zoos" in the context of the term we view today. They were "Zoos" in name only. Many of the people presented in these were exploited, which is true, but many more were housed, adequately paid for the time, and fed. They were not captives.

The term "Human Zoos" is misrepresentative of the actual things they were. These were sideshows depicting a specific culture's way of life to people who knew nothing about them. On one hand, it exposed Europeans to vastly different cultures' ways of life and customs. In the United States, this was similarly done, but short-lived because there was no interest. Many of the photos regarding this term are incorrectly cited.

One incorrectly cited photo depicts Filipino men in a village dancing, purported to be at the Louisiana Purchase. The Louisiana Purchase took place in 1803. The photos back then were done on silver nitrate. The subject of such a photo could absolutely not be in motion, standing still for up to 30 seconds while the photo was etching or it would be blurry.

While yes, the photo is of the very subjects indicated, they were photographed as part of an exhibit depicting their traditional way of life. This was the case with many of these "Human Zoos."

The picture above of this little girl is one of these falsely attributed photographs. She is not participating in a Human Zoo. All sources citing this photo otherwise are "Democrat" or "Liberalized" websites, but a bulk majority are craptastic sites regurgitating this fallacy.

"In 1896, to increase the number of visitors, the Cincinnati Zoo invited one hundred Sioux Native Americans to establish a village at the site. The Sioux lived at the zoo for three months.[29]"

This is true as cited here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_zoo

However, this article makes very charged statements with no discernable facts. The true facts are properly cited, however. Yet in reading that sentence, "invited" is the key word. The Sioux did not have to accept. They chose to accept in order to educate and expose people about their way of life, and they spoke at great lengths with people about how they have been treated, the wrongs and good that they have experienced, and their beliefs in treating Nature with reverence.

Much later, Knott's Berry Farm had a similar exhibit with the same Sioux Tribe. I was there when they had this as an exhibit in the section called "Indian Village" where all the performers were Native Americans that children could talk to and learn about their culture then and now. Furthermore, Knott's has revived this effort to improve cultural respect among people.

So what exactly are Human Zoos?

Human Zoos exist on Aruogan Prime. Those aliens have a tendency to hire certain Grays who steal Humans for various purposes ranging from sexual to experimental. Be fortunate if you land in a Zoo on this world, as you'll live a life of luxury at the expense of being you.

The first Human Zoos on Earth were all in Europe and not all were good natured. Those that were had sponsors to help promote and educate people about other cultures. Bad exhibits indicated these cultures as primitive and did little to educate. Good exhibits allowed people to see how other cultures lived and helped expose Europeans to these people's lives.

Hitler banned these exhibits because they were not in alignment with his goals toward racial purity and power, and not done out of the goodness of his kind soul.

The majority of the exhibits in the United States and Europe in the early 20th Century were not in any way shape or form of slavery. These were people from cultures that were invited, paid, housed, and fed for a period of time before returning home -- in most cases. In some cases, they opted to remain in the United States or Europe as citizens. In other cases, they already were citizens.

I'm only responding to this to raise a point that if it sounds salacious or inflammatory: Look it up, investigate, and if it smells funny or looks misleading, it may be bullshit. A closer inspection of the Wikipedia page shows that there's something not right with it. It conflates Nudist colonies as "Human Zoos" and talks about these in the terms of 1935-36 and 1939. However, these places existed at least until the 80s. They are nudist colonies. The citation and inclusion has nothing to do with the article.

[ghostmary]

hello hello requesting deancas rollerskating date :3

deancas rollerskating date! don't remember where the vibes came from for this one, but i'm going to write it, for you my beloved cherry-vamp <3

----

When Dean was 4, his mom took him to the Kansas State Fair. 

Sammy stayed home with Dad. 

Dean remembers feeling a vicious sense of satisfaction over that, over that one. When the baby cried, when Dad yelled, when Mom wouldn’t hold his hand because she was too busy balling her fists up, until her knuckles were white. It was better when it was just the two of them. 

“Dean. Are we supposed to share this? I think it’s almost finished.”

Dean blinks, looks down at the bright blue slushie Cas asked if they could share. “Huh?” He looks up at Dean. And it feels like he’s looking up because there’s blue light behind him in a halo that seems to poke holes through his hair. His eyes are the same color, staring out at Dean. 

“I was about to finish our drink.” Our. That feels meaningful, doesn’t it? 

His voice comes out even more gravelly than Cas’. “Yeah. Yeah, sure, it’s all yours. That much food coloring is going to make you sick, though, you know. Turn you into Violet Beauregarde.” He smiles. 

“I don’t think it will. There’s a reason this vessel held me for so long. It’s very strong.” Cas nods, slightly, too serious. 

Dean’s eyes lock onto his lips. They’re pink and full, tilted slightly up with his chin. Pretty lips. Prettier than he probably even knows, Cas doesn’t pick up aesthetic attraction. He looks on the inside. 

Dean picks up attraction. He picks it up very well. “You wanna hit the rink?” 

“I’d be glad to.” Cas reaches over and folds Dean’s hand in his own. His brow furrows. “My first skating experience.” 

God. He can’t breathe like this. “You’re going to like the couples skate,” he manages to say, pushing away from the table they’d been sitting at. Carelessly, Cas throws the cup away. 

“We’ll fit in, then,” Cas says, stumbling over one of his feet as he tries to push away from the wall. 

Dean’s pretending he’s not anxious, wondering where Sam is. Cas grabs onto him twice just skating over to the entrance. It sure is a distraction. His hands are always a goddamned distraction. Whether they’re pressing half moon nail marks in his back or closing on someone’s neck-

Dean’s skating gets too stiff and he pushes himself to let loose a little. “Oh, come on, Cas. Do better.” 

“Dean, this is- this is that music you like.” Cas white knuckles the side of the rink. 

It’s Taylor Swift. Debut album. Like a little bit of light emerging from the cracks in a doorway, Dean starts smiling. So much in him, only a little bit put out to be seen. 

Cas sees it. The particular way he has, perceptive and good enough to strip Dean naked. Metaphorically. “Do you want me to ask them to put on your Britney Spears? I doubt you could skate over to the song booth without falling over.” 

Cas scowls, pushing his hair behind his ears. Christ. And he’s taken off the trenchcoat, too. Dean’s in hot water. “I can do this.” Stubbornly, he lets go of Dean’s hand and pushes away from the wall. 

It’s not smooth, by any means, but it’ll do. Dean does some glide thing- he doesn’t know, the only reason he’s any good is because roller skating was the thing of the month, dating in high school in the winter seasons. 

“Nice focus. Make sure to look up sometimes,” Dean teases.  

“If I look up,” Cas says through gritted teeth, “My feet won’t go where I want them to.” 

Just for fun, Dean closes his eyes. Skates blind. 

Sightless, he can feel everything. The hair tickling the back of his neck. A bit of damp sweat on his arms, all the way through his body. He’s missed shit like this, where it pulls him back down to Earth. 

Cas is still trying the funny little push-glide thing, making his way over to Dean. “Did I ever tell you about the time I went to a place like this and forgot my shoes?” Dean asks. 

“No. Dean, would you-” 

Without blinking, he laces their fingers together and keeps telling his story. “It was my birthday. I was turning- I don’t know, 11? 12? Not old at all, in the grand scheme. Had this girlfriend, Fiona, and she asked her mom if they could take me to the bowling alley for the day.” 

He toes the ground to slow down, conscious of how careful Cas is trying to be. “I had never been bowling before. I didn’t have any money. I don’t think I had even gone out for my birthday since I was 6 or something.” 

Cas’ face falls still and he slows down even more, pulling Dean over to the wall. “She’s just taught me how to bowl. I’ve gotten my first strike, eaten half of a large pizza, and I’m asking for ice cream,” he says, all quiet now that he’s close to Cas’ ear. 

“I walk out of there with bowling shoes on.” 

They must make a funny pair. Cas has taken the trenchcoat off but he still looks so- fuck, Dean thinks he’s beautiful. Christ. “The pretty girl working the bowling alley yelled at her boyfriend to get me back there before I ran off with them for good.” Dean chuckles. The lights around the room feel like 4 AM lights, but it’s only late afternoon. Plenty of time for the pleased feeling in his chest to wear off in time for his nightly sleeplessness. 

“Fiona started crying. Her mom pretended they didn’t know me. And that is the story of how I got dumped the first time.” 

Cas leans to put his cheek on Dean’s shoulder. There’s a buzz in the air. He feels uncontrollable. He would be reckless, but Cas has spent all this time out on the rink and he’s latched on to Dean. It wouldn’t be- he wouldn’t like himself if he just let him go. 

“My first date was with you,” Cas tells him. 

Dean plays with his fingers. “Jesus Christ. Heaven should have unlimited hot chicks for their angels to date.” Cas’ eyebrows rise. 

Dean shrugs. “Guess it’s my job to be your hot chick, then.” 

“Thank you for taking me here.” 

“I shoulda got you flowers. A nice bouquet. I shoulda introduced you to a steakhouse somewhere.” He steals a glance at Cas. 

“It’s enough that it’s just the two of us, I believe.” 

A dangerous creakiness enters Dean’s chest. Yeah, it’s the two of them. He’s finally fuckin’ got someone who wants just the two of them. 

[itsmaddienotmaddy]

I’m staying awake by sheer force of irritability to give a ROUSING recap of the most boring game of soccer that we all decided was worth watching in the middle of the night.

US v. Australia

Alyssa - sweet Alyssa. Out there, saving the ball, watching her teammates play like strangers. I’m happy that she got a clean sheet at least.

Becky - had a good game. Like she said, it’s not her job to score goals. It’s her job to not let the other team and she DID THAT. Maybe she should have tried to score. Would have at least made things more interesting.

Tierna - she was absolutely the right choice to start and play a full 90 over Abby. She was her usual calm and collected self and even though Kerr didn’t seem fully in it, Baby T squandered any chances she thought she had. So proud.

Crystal - a good game. Not to her usual standards but that’s because she’s usually so insanely good. Few great defensive saves but wasn’t able to push into the attack. And we need her to do that.

Kelley - she did fine. Few iffy moments, but nothing dangerous. Was moving well and got good crosses off. That cross to Alex’s offsides goal was so PRETTY. I’m a little salty about that. Hopefully her fragile joints are okay from the few tackles she got tangled in.

Julie - Julie Ertz appreciation over here because she did save our butts a little bit. She was one of the few that looked like she was trying out there. Another full ninety for her, hopefully she can keep it up otherwise…. We a little (a lot) fucked

Rose - Rosemary. The only one with energy. The only one who looked aware she was playing an Olympic game. She looked fast. She looked strong. And she was creating chances. Her defensive slide tackles were sexy. I don’t know how she was not screaming at everyone to help her tf out.

Sam - Sammy is having a really tough tournament and I just want to sit her down on the sidelines with some orange slices and find out what the hell is going on with her. The turnovers, the positioning, the physicality, just all off.

Lindsey - she did better than Sam, I guess. I wanted and expected more from her. She definitely created more opportunities and helped us keep better possession. Would have loved her header off the Tierna set piece to at least have been on frame.

Kristie - wish she was in sooner for Sam Kerr chaos. Whatever. She was running around a little more than everyone else. She looked happy to be there.

Alex - had glimmers of brilliance. Her run through in the first half where she fell and didn’t get the shot off well. The GOAL. VAR is a fugly slut and I don’t trust her. Alex was definitely frustrated, v apparent by the few seconds of her on the sideline just shaking her head. SAME GIRL.

Pinoe - she always does better as a sub so idk why we’re so insistent at starting her. Her and Carpenter are always a fun match up to watch though. Even in this boring ass game. Pinoe didn’t do much, but to her credit, did track back on defense a good bit which, for her, is BIG

Christen - ugh. pressy. She got herself in position and got some beautiful opportunities. The finish just wasn’t there for her today. Like Alex, was frustrated. Hope she tells her legs ‘good job’ anyway.

Tobin - this may have been her best game thus far, but still v far from her best playing form. It looked like she started a small spark when she came in with Lindsey but it dimmed quickly as the mood of the game brought her down. Was that field an energy vacuum? Seriously. The fuck.

Carli - I thought we were gonna press when she came on but I GUESS NOT. She shoulda just gone rogue and tried anyways.

Lynn - OLYMPICS DEBUT. Happy for her for that. But like with Carli, why weren’t they just let loose? Lynn is so fast! We know this! Everyone knows this. Let her RUN!

I think we’re all out here, once again, asking the gals to GET IT TOGETHER. Selfishly, if we’re going to be staying up for these 3 am games, can they at least try and keep us awake?

I’m at a loss as to what kind of kick in the ass everyone needs.

But whatever. I’ll support them when they win. Support them when they lose. Support them when they play sleepy, boring games where the back lines just pass back and forth for 5 minute stretches while everyone watches.

LFG. (To bed.)

[duhragonball]

Hellsing Liveblog Ch. 14-19

This is the “Elevator Action” arc, presumably named after the 1983 video game of the same name.   I’m pretty sure a lot of Hellsing arcs are named for video games, which makes me wonder about the ones that aren’t.   Like, is “Master of Monster” a video game that I just haven’t heard of?  

The title fits, in the sense that there’s an elevator in the story, but we don’t spend much time there.   Anyway, this thing starts off with Alucard checking into a ritzy hotel in Rio de Janiero, and his only luggage is two big-ass coffins covered in sheets.  What happens next might surprise you...

For some reason, the guy at the front desk objects to Al’s luggage, not because they’re coffins, but because they’re just really big?   Like, he’s not even remotely suspicious, even though the sheets sort of hint that they’re trying to smuggle something in.   No, this guy just thinks it’s too big.    So Alucard uses vampire hypnotic powers or whatever to Jedi Mind Trick him.   Pip Bernadotte thinks it’s a “sex beam”, and yeah, this dude sure looks like he got hit with a sex beam.  

Seras is part of this mission, but she can’t travel over running water, so she had to make the transatlantic flight in her coffin.    Apparently they tricked her into this, which I don’t understand, but okay.  

And Al makes a big production over the debut of his own coffin, because he’s a diva like that.  

During the trip, Seras fell asleep, and she dreams of a visitation by the guy who played Baron Harkonnen in the Dune movie.   I think?   This is all a big gag revolving around her gun being named after a guy in Dune.    Then Alucard wakes her up because there’s helicopters and soldiers surrounding their hotel, and he thinks it’s awesome.

A bunch of this arc is panels and panels of commando goons taking up positions and getting ready.    A Brazilian newscaster is there covering the story, which he says is a hostage situation.    The authorities seem to think Alucard and Seras massacred a bunch of people in the hotel, and have hostages on the top floor.    It’s weird that they would even have a photo of Seras for this, since no one saw her.   As for Alucard, they identify him as “J.H. Brenner”, which I believe was an alias Dracula used in the Bram Stoker novel.   He shoulda spelled it backwards.   “Yes, I have a reservation for R. E. Nnerbhj”.   

Also, these photos are just panels from the Valentine Bros. arc.    That’s Seras killing ghouls in her berzerker rage, and that’s Alucard chillaxing while he waits for Luke Valentine to find him.   How would a Brazilian TV station have these?   I’m starting to think this comic about gun-toting vampires might not be on the level.

So now all the main cast can see this situation unfold on international television.   Pip watches from his crappy one-star hotel room, Integra, Walter, and the Convention of Twelve watch from Jolly Old England, and Millennium is watching from... well, somewhere.   

They clearly orchestrated this whole situation, which means they not only knew about Alucard’s mission, but they had a whole thing prepared for him.   As far as they’re concerned, this is just a test to see if Alucard will kill humans as readily as he hunts monsters.

What follows is, well, a bloodbath.   The police try to enter Alucard’s hotel room, only to find his coffin, engraved with “The BIrd of Hermes is my name, Eating my wings to make me tame.” While they try to suss out that riddle, Alucard shows up and demands they stay away from his coffin, so they shoot at him for like three pages in a row.    But bullets don’t work on Alucard, so he just grows back a new everything and starts slaughtering these guys.

The last guy in the room is so horrified that he just gives up and shoots himself, which actually shocks, then enrages Alucard.   

Then he tells Seras to come out of a cupboard he hid her in, and he gets all upset when she objects to his killing humans.    “Look, this is war,” he tells her, but that look he gives her at the end kind of suggests that he knows she has a point.    Those cops were never any match for him.    The two of them could have easily escaped this penthouse without a scratch.    Alucard’s ethics may excuse this kind of overkill in the line of duty, but he knows it’s not right. 

This scene also marks the first (only?) time Seras defies him.   There’s a part in the Gonzoverse series where Alucard is about to execute a human reporter who Knows Too Much, so she pulls a gun on him, but then Integra shows up and is like “No, it’s cool, you can kill this lady, idgaf.”  I guess that whole moment mirrors this one pretty well now that I write it out.    Seras doesn’t like how this is playing out.   She joined Hellsing to fight vampires, not human police officers, but she still follows Alucard’s lead in the end.   So is he influencing her, or is she influencing him?   It’s kind of hard to tell.

And maybe Seras really did make an impression on Al, because the next thing he does is call Integra to report in and confirm his orders.     She told him “Search and Destroy” before he left, but that was before all these human dupes shows up at his doorstep.     He’s willing and able to kill them without regret, but he wants to know if Integra is cool with it, since she’s the one calling the shots.    But Integra holds firm and insists that nothing has changed.    She looks resolute here, but leading up to this moment she was pretty anxious about what Alucard was going to do with all these humans.   

So why is Walter so giddy about this?  Is he just proud to see his commander displaying this ruthless leadership style?   Or is it something more?    After she hangs up, she asks Walter if she made the right call, but he declines to give an opinion, since he’s just the butler.  

I’m not sure Seras was privy to any of this, since she was preparing the coffins for transport while Al was on the phone.    He orders her to take the coffins to the roof and steal a helicopter to escape.   While she does this...

Alucard leaves the suite and heads down to the front door of the hotel.   There’s more cops in the hallway waiting for him, but he just mows them down the same way he did the ones in his suite.

Back to Millennium, their leader, known only as “The Major”, is now satisfied with the knowledge that Alucard can and will kill humans that get in the way of his mission.   But he sees no reason to prolong this battle, so he orders his man in the field, Tubalcain Alhambra, to put this to an end.  

Oh, and here’s the elevator.    The cops scramble inside and try to close the doors to escape Alucard, but he sex beams one of them to hit the “door open” button, which gives him just enough time to get inside.   He kills them all, then emerges on the ground floor and kills the cops there to make his way to the entrance.    Along the way, he tosses some of their bodies out the windows, and they land on nearby flagpoles, which impale their corpses like pikes.     Because he’s Vlad the Impaler, get it?  

And finally Tubalcain Alhambra reveals himself.   He calls himself “The Dandyman”, and he has card powers.   Is he anything like D’arby the Elder from JoJo?   Well, he’s got a vest, so maybe.   He explains that he manipulated the authorities into sending those cops into the hotel.   All he had to do was promise them eternal life.   They didn’t hurt Alucard, but they did get him to waste a bunch of his ammunition.   Maybe all of it, since I’m pretty sure Al never shoots Dandyman during this fight.    See?   Seras had the right idea after all.

Never mind, he does shoot him.   Also these two hit a lot of innocent bystanders while they fight.    It’s worth noting that Dandyman seems to have a lot of the same abilities Alucard expected from Luke Valentine during their battle.    Luke thought he was hot shit, but he couldn’t regenerate or transform himself.    But it looks like Tubalcain can shrug off gunfire and turn his whole body into playing cards.   

While all of this vampire fightin’ is a-goin’ on, Pip Bernadotte infiltrates the bad guys’ command post, shoots all of the crooked authorities in league with Dandyman, and then blows the whole thing up for good measure.

Oh, and here’s the third (and final?) Cross-Fire backup.    Bishop Maxwell gets injured during a pagan cult tries to assassinate the Pope, so he sends Heinkel Wolfe and Yumiko Takagi to go to Wales and slaughter their entire congregation.   And they do.   These Cross-Fire stories just don’t hold up.    It’s two overzealous religious fanatics killing other fanatics, except they always have the firepower and the element of surprise, so there’s no suspense or tension to any of it.  

Back to the Dandyman fight, well... wait, we gotta go through a flashback, first.

The last installment opens with young Integra learning about vampires from her father, Arthur Hellsing.    He quizzes her about why vampires are so feared, and the answer is that vampires are powerful, and they’re also vicious and aware of their own power.    So in close-quarters they’ll tear a human to pieces.    And another monster wouldn’t?   I’m not sure I understand his point.  

Back to the fight, Dandyman seems to have Alucard in a bit of trouble, because his cards are razor sharp and once they cut Al, he can’t recover from the wounds so easily.    Fortunately, Seras shows up to provide a helpful diversion.    And by “diversion”, I mean, shooting enormous shells at Dandyman.

And that gives Alucard a chance to get the drop on him.   He breaks Dandy’s leg, splits his left arm in half, longways, and then drinks his blood.   Also, Millennium does that self-destruct thing on Dandyman, so he goes up in flames.    This is about as defeated as a bad guy can get.  

And then Pip shows up in a helicopter, I guess the same one Seras was ordered to steal, since they have the coffins ready to go.   But Alucard is in no hurry to withdraw, because he’s just so gosh darn excited to be fighting this Millennium group.  They’re bloodthirsty, violent maniacs, just like him, so it’s perfect.  Or is it...

[mirrorfalls]

Lego Liveblogs ST: TOS, part 10 (of who-the-hell-knows-how-many?)

Things I should’ve done last night: read at least a Sparknotes of Macbeth so I know what Dagger of the Mind is supposed to imply.

Things I didn’t do last night: that.

* Prisons? In my enlightened 23rd century? How depressingly plausible. * Now this is some straight-up Beagle Boys shit. I love it. ** Guy, I sure hope you know what it means to put on a redshirt on this ship. * "A cage is a cage, Jim.” Again, how depressingly resonant. * Don’t know if this is supposed to be deliberate foreshadowing, but: the warden never gives a name (or even a number) for the fugitive so the crew can look up his record. * “Where there is no emotion there is no motive for violence.” What Earth history have you been reading, Spock?! * Oh, the crew is in rare form today. Not even the first ad break and the guy’s caught. * Bones, try not to let your mad-scientist show so much. * Ah, here’s our real plot: go down and explore Ye Olde Space Prison, boys, and decide for yourselves... are the inmates running it now? ** ~Wacky Sitcom Music Cue~ * Okay, Kirk, I know she’s not Nurse Christine (Barrett’s schedule couldn’t fit this in, I guess?) but that’s no reason to get snippy. * That’s one accommodating warden. Too accommodating... * Okay, whatever effect they used on this lady (glass eye? Contact?) it’s creepy as fuck. * Important Theme: Can someone be rehabilitated not by being convinced to live with their wrongdoings, but by having those wrongdoings outright erased? ** Spoiler: Probably not. * Knock it off, Kirk. I guess this is supposed to be banter, but it just comes off as spiteful. * Spock, I appreciate your needing to Get To The Truth and everything, but if he’s in too much pain to talk just give him a keyboard or something to write with. * ... say, was this before A Clockwork Orange came out? * Somehow it never occurred to me this’d be the Mind Meld’s debut. ** I have to wonder what audiences back in ‘66 thought of this - today even non-fans are casually aware of it as a part of Trek lore, but in the context of the episode it comes with no foreshadowing. Hell, people probably expected Bones to be the one with the fancy mind-massage techniques. * Probably continuity-by-accident, but I do love how Kirk’s a lot more reluctant to trust the Big Scientific Authority after how things went on the last planet. ** That said: Jesus Christ man at least radio in your situation before you "test out” the Lobotomy Beam! ** Aaaaand this has turned straight into the Unprofessionalism Olympics. Someone’s got it bad for the Captain. * Gasp. Shock. Who could’ve seen this coming. * Aww, our villain ships the heroes! ** Wonder how many fans rewrote this episode so Spock was the companion... * Again - probably not by design, but Shatner’s trademark overacting really highlights how artificial all the emotions created by the beam are. ** Hinging a cliffhanger on it, though, is good for nothing but laughs. * Uh, you alright, Kirk? ** Uhh. *** Uhhhhhhhhhhh. **** Oh thank God. * Anyway - this is more proactive than anything the other ladies have gotten to do in the last nine episodes, which is nice. Alas, it still involves a hot girl crawling around on hands and knees ‘cuz Roddenberry gonna Roddenberry. * Okay, how did you guys not see him shoving her into the vent?! * Can’t believe it took me this long to realize this was where TNG got the iconic "FOUR LIGHTS!” scene from. * Tsk, tsk. Shoulda strapped him down, doctor. * Holy shit, is this the first time one of the heroines killed a villain? You go, girl. * Ah, here’s our villain’s Karmic Fate: to be reprogrammed by the same machine- ** Oop, no, wait, it just plain killed him. Another point to Mr. Spock. * Also: every second of these lovey-dovey scenes is mutually nonconsensual. Pipe down the jolly music, guys. * “Hard to believe that a man could die of loneliness.” Bit silly as a line, but it’s a deft enough show of how Kirk’s now knows penal cruelties that Bones can barely imagine.

Act for act, this episode manages to feel even pulpier than the last one - the fanservice is still cranked just north of creepy, none of the Big Themes get off the ground, and the villain barely even pretends he has some higher motive behind lobotomizing everyone (with a spinny sun lamp, yet). And yet, somehow I’m more excited at the prospect of rewatching it two or three months down the line. Maybe it’s a matter of the script being more self-aware, maybe I just want to watch Dr. #Girlboss frying that mook again and again...

Next: Our third character-based title! Will she manage to succeed where Mudd and Charlie failed? Let’s hope so.

[daggerzine]

Celebrity Mixtape Party #1 with Steve Michener (Volcano Suns, Dumptruck, Big Dipper) Part 1

Steve (far left with Big Dipper) 

Mixtapes. They're back! Or maybe they never went away? What happens when you make a mixtape for someone who MAKES music? And then they talk about that mixtape? Well, dear reader, let's find out in..

Okay!  First song. Side A. So I'll give my impressions and then we can talk about the song. Okay? Then the reveal, when appropriate.

Sexy

Thanks for this tape, Matthew, I've really been enjoying it.  However, I gotta say the first song is my least favorite.

What is it pray tell

I don't know but I usually love that style of song.  Very Love/Byrds-y but there was something cloying about that hook of 'Let's Get Together'

Oh yes. Justin Trouble.

Can't tell if it's authentic 60's pop or revival

Early '80s. He was friends with Johnny Thunders.New York City area guy

Never heard of him but I'm not inspired to search him up. Too many words.

Aw man he's just riffing

Anything you wanna say in his defense?

I mean I could. I think that song and the whole record is genius. To me it's the very essence of rock and roll.

Okay, maybe that's just one song that I wouldn't like. I'll check it out. I know you love your 60s stuff  but to me it's just too twee. But if you were using this as a "courtship tape", the relationship is over.

Since we can't "get together" on that song?

Courtship tape. I think they were called love mixes back in the day my friend.

I'm older than you. We used to bring them and play them in the parlor. So this second song is right up my Alley. Great guitar sound, great drummer.  I love that it's poppy but it takes a minor key/dissonant turn when he sings the tagline 'Solid Gold'. Kind of a Fall vibe to that hook.

So what is that second song?

Boston band....Real Kids...1974 demo...EARLY REAL KIDS

I knew you'd get a Real Kids song on there but that is very 'Unreal' real kids.  Sounds like they were way ahead of their time

Yeah. That song is unhinged. Nothing twee about it.

Amazing band.  I would have maybe guessed that but that chorus is so left field.  If I knew about that song back then, I would have had the band cover it. Real Kids sounding like the Fall. They should have been as big as the Ramones.  Worse drug and ego problems I guess.

To me it sounds like The Dolls. A little bit of Glam in there.

I saw them a few times at the Rat.  Always a reliable live band. I hear the 60's thing in there but that turnaround into the chorus is at least 5 years ahead of its time. I need to hear more of those demos.

It's on vinyl.

Next song- One thing that I know about you is that you love your 60s stuff.  This sounds like an authentic acid rock band. Roky?

I don't have the tracklist

Ah, okay.  It's by Girl Trouble-"Storm Warning'. Don't know them but I love the song.

The pride of Bellingham

Kind of like the Seeds meet Nick Cave. What year?

1993 on Empty

Love the sax and guitar interplay at the end.  Wow. I would have placed that in 1965

Yeah except for the production. I think he's one of the Great rock and roll vocalists of the '90s

Yeah, great singer.  Are they still around or mutate into something else?

Kurt Kendall. No, I don't think they really play around much anymore. There was a reunion show not too long ago but I missed it.

Great stuff, I'll check it out. Next song? Okay, this one I knew from the first note--the great NRBQ. The greatest rock and roll band ever, at least in this incarnation.

Green Lights?

Yes.

I saw them around this time with the WW Horns, opening for Thorogood.

Another great vocalist

I didn't appreciate them back then cuz I was too into the alternative scene (tho still loved GT) but when I saw them in the 80's I was amazed.

This is a band that should have played the bar band in every '80s movie ever made

Exactly.  they were my template for 'a band'

That's Joey singing that one? favorite bass player ever, favorite drummer ever.

I'm not entirely sure what that guitar is in the solo. Sounds almost like a pedal steel or something.

Big Al could make anything sound like anything.  Genius band. Shoulda been huge.

The YouTube comments say Joey.

Yeah, Joey wrote the hits. Like most bass players.

Lol. The album is called nrbq at Yankee stadium and it's funny because the picture shows an empty Yankee stadium with them far away in the bleachers...a play on words...clever

I see.

I'll explain humor to you another time.

Make me a 'humor' mixtape

Okay next song

The 5th song on side A is called Buried Alive.  A 3 chord slab of brilliance.  Sounds like another Boston Band.  More Real Kids?

Hmmm

Should I peek?

It could be Avenged Sevenfold. Yes peek.

Oh no, it's the Nervous Eaters!  Born to Die.  I thought he was singing Buried Alive.

Ahhh!!

I knew it was Boston, can't believe I missed the Eaters.  Loved that band.

Another Boston band you didn't ID! You are 0 for 2

I wrote down it was "the Lyres without keyboards" so I get half credit.

Okay so one of the cool things about this band is it had one of the Paley Brothers. Who never did anything this "heavy" outside of this band?

I had their singles and saw them live a few times.  They were great. Just Head is a classic.

The major label debut was a bit of a disaster:  slick production, terrible cover art. I swore that I'd never let that happen to any band that I was in.

This song for some reason reminds me of Judas Priest.

I thought Saints at first but Priest would work

Next song?

Ok

This is one that I will probably miss too. Sounds VERY familiar and my first guess is Rockpile/Brinsley Schwarz.  "I'll have another drink and then I tried to crawl out the door.."

"I never did know a thing about it." It's got that Nick Lowe/Dave Edmunds vibe.

Take a peek

Status Quo-Lies

Ah yes

Wow, I don't think of SQ sounding like this. This is pub rock, I thought they were harder

Very boogie

Don't you get the Rockpile thing tho?

Oh absolutely

Great song.  I'd cover this. Was it a hit?

That status quo song is from 1980. I think so. They did it on Top of the Pops

Good. I'd be depressed if a song that great didn't get an audience.

Agreed

Next?

Yes

I also don't know this and I'm not sure what the hook is but it sounds like what I imagine the Muffs sound like. Be my baby.?  Sneering female vocals, 3 chords, loud guitars.

Fastbacks - Read my Letters

Yeah, another band I completely missed out on.  From the PNW?

Seattle

I've seen them quite a few times and they were always amazing. Big fan.

I'm sorry I missed them live. I don't care much for this song but I'll bet it sounded good in a sweaty club.

Ok

Did you like the Muffs?

Not really. I mean I respect them a lot but they never resonated with me. I think Kurt Bloch is a great lyricist. And I love that he didn't sing his own lyrics.

Wait, that was a guy singing?

No. The guitar player Kurt wrote the lyrics for most of their songs.

Got it.  So he left them to join YFF?

He did both simultaneously. Kim Warnick is the singer and bass player.

Too talented.

Definitely.

I saw the Fellows quite a few times also.

They opened for us in Seattle in 1990. I loved them but, as an east coaster, had never seen them.

Also amazing one of my favorites. During that time that both the Fastbacks and the Young Fresh Fellows were active it made me envy Seattle because Portland didn't have bands like those bands.

This is a different convo, but Seattle is a much more rockin town than Portland.

Full disclosure in the '90s I was not a fan of Portland's music scene. But I did like Hazel.

They were so cute!

Alright, let's not get distracted!   Next song I recognized easily , though I may not have a few years ago.  This is Sparks - Something For The Girl Who Has Everything. Brilliant band but one that I missed out on until recently

You know I never introduced you at the beginning of all this. Dear readers, I am discussing a mixtape with our esteemed guest Steve Michener from Skid Row.

Skid Row UK, legally. Not to be confused with those dorks from Hollyweird. Michael Cudahy was my roommate back in the day and he was way into them. I could never get past the vocals.Recently though, I have come to appreciate them and now I am a big fan.

I love the vocals. It's its own thing. Who is this Michael you speak of?

Michael was in Christmas at the time and then started Combustible Edison.  Now he does movie soundtracks.

Have you ever seen the video of Ron Mael singing karaoke to a Sparks song?

No, I'll google it.

Next song?

Ok

Well, I didn't recognize the song itself but it's hard to miss the unique guitar sound of The Wedding Present-The Boy Can Wait

Fastest wrist in the west

Trademark double strum. They're one of those bands that I just love the sound of but never bought any records.

That's a Peel session by the way.

They were around last year but I failed to attend.

I like the lyrics. They're clever. Kind of misanthropic but not in a Morrissey way. More humorous.

I'm not a lyric guy but I do love a good Morrisey couplet

The dude could pen a tune

Stephen I mean

Moz

The Moz

Himself.

He should pull a Prince and just change his name to Himself

Next song is one that you would never get past me, tho I'm 0-2 with Boston bands before this.  Heading into a Boston binge here.

Ok. Just another band out of Boston

I was the world's biggest Peter Dayton fan for years.  I moved to Boston the week that LaPeste broke up so I never got to see them.  So I made up for that by seeing every PD gig for years. 'She's a Girl' by LaPeste, probably one of the best bands out of Boston ever.

I like how evil La Peste sound. They sound like they carried shivs.

It means "the pest"

Perfect

"la" is "the" in french

Waow

I don't know if you knew that. Anyway, this must have been an Ocasek demo?  Sounds like they were trying to go pop. I had a live tape of them from the rock and roll rumble in 1979 that I wore out. Just a great pop punk band. Next song is also LaPeste- Die in My Sleep.Ric got involved with them later in their career and produced some demos.  Or maybe it was Greg Hawkes.  But Ocasek worked with him solo for a few years.  Dayton's EP, which came out the same time as Panorama by the Cars. It's a fun record.Better off Dead is an amazing single.

I'll check out solo Dayton.

Jim Janota on bass. I think he was in some of those early boston punk bands

But Ric was the producer guy then . Alan Vega etc

Yeah, Ocasek was cool.  He had Dayton's band open for The Cars at the Boston Garden.  Big supporter of smaller bands.

Next two songs had me stumped. I just wrote 'Sex Pistols'.

I would never put a sex pistols song on anything ever. But I do love a lot of things that Cook and Jones were on later

This just has a Pistols energy and sneer. Hey Hey! Hey Hey!

Hmm

3 chords, English. Fall-like but harder.

Not ringing any bells

Ha! I looked at the list--Naked Raygun-Roller Queen.

Yes

"trying" to be british

Nooo

I tuned this band out early.  Not my cup of tea.

I love the Raygun. Midwest thing

Just like Soul Asylum.  I was (and remain) a judgemental asshole when it comes to music.

Hard. Arty. Humorous.

I lump them together.  Prejudice.  But this is why I like the idea of listening to the tape blind.

Throb Throb is fantastic

It can blow up my preconceived notions  or reinforce them. I know they were hugely popular in the scene and it's probably my loss that I didn't explore their stuff. I was probably reacting negatively to the Big Black thing.  Lots of competition and jealousy-fuelled listening bias.

Eh no biggy. I never really liked Big Black. To me they were great in theory but not in practice.

I prefer Shellac

Great band

But i think BD covered 'Bazooka Joe'. Not my idea.

There was another Chicago band from that time that I like a lot called Breaking Circus.

Yes, I liked Breaking Circus.  We played with them.

Yay

Next song. 60s sounding psychedelia

Ok

Didn't recognize it, but liked it. reverby guitar,

Hmm

La Luz- I Want to Be Alone. Cool sound.  What's their story?

Ah. Seattle. Then moved to LA. 4 women. On Hardly Art (label). Started in 2012. They have three lps. Saw them at The Aladdin.

Short but sweet. I'll check them out.

Very very good band

I like good bands

No bad songs. They were VERY GOOD live. Jealous of the drummer's speed and dexterity. They play with a lot of feeling.

If we ever get to see live music again, I'll check them out.

You need to.

Next song is a classic Boston number called 'No Place Like Home' by The Neighborhoods. Such a great power pop song. B-side to Prettiest Girl, which was probably the biggest indie single of the time in Boston.  That and Academy Fight Song. Both on Ace of Hearts records

Oh really? Nice that I got airplay in Boston. I mean it. I didn't get any airplay in Boston

Yes, it was huge! (sorry about your lack of airplay)  top song on WBCN, the local rock station. They should have been huge-they had it all.  Cute guys, great songs, amazing live show. I woulda bet on them

Despite looking like a reggae album I've read good reviews with their first LP. The thing with a lot of these bands is they're from a time when there were regional scenes period and if they didn't make the jump to Major label then a lot of what they were about might have been lost on people outside of their scene

Honestly, I don't remember that LP at all.  Maybe I had dropped them and moved onto hipper stuff. They were kind of a high school crush for me. They got progressively more hard rock as time went on. Yes, probably a common theme with local bands. Some focused on getting a 'deal' and making it big.  Thank god for labels like Homestead, who gave smaller bands a chance to make mistakes and grow

If you had any anecdotes about any of these guys share away.

Anecdotes? I do

'dote away

Dave and Lee worked at Harrington's Liquor, the biggest booze shop in Allston and were always in there when I went to buy cheap vodka. Then, one day, they were fired. Word was that they tried to lift some expensive champagne from the shop to celebrate a record release party or something.  They were both dating members of Salem 66 at the time and Dave married Judy.  They were very nice guys.

Lee?

Lee Harrington, Beth's brother was their bassist in the late 80's. Beth Harrington was in Jonathan's band.

That's a good anecdote.

Jonathan?

Richman

Oh I thought I recognized her voice from Jonathan Richmond records. She was a backup singer. She had kind of a classically trained sounding voice

Yes, her and Ellie Marshall. Beth married my old roommate, whose girlfriend when I knew him, left him for Steve Forbert.

Ellie Marshall was related to who?

Something related to Paley Bros. It'll come to me.  Barry Marshall.

The next song is the Office Supply song. Swivel Chair. I don't recognize the song but it's gotta be something like Fountains of Wayne or Weezer.

Nothing Painted Blue

Oops. Hope they aren't insulted!  I kinda knew of NPB but obviously didn't get into their stuff.  Sounds like a certain pop band from Boston in the late 80s. Where were they from?

Franklin Bruno. Great songwriter in my opinion. Great band. LA

Oh, I know Franklin.  Of course.  I confuse them with that band from Boise

Franklin bears a slight passing resemblance to Bill? Cool that you know Franklin.

Well, on FB at least.  Very nice guy.  He's probably gonna unfriend me if he reads this.

I can edit it out. Celebrity mixtapes is about bringing people together, not about fighting.

No, it's fine.  It's part of the process. I'll take my lumps.

Ok

I just thought it was a little bit of a novelty song.

I just think it's adorably nebbishy

Not that we didn't veer close to that sometimes. It's a risk when you are trying to write songs that have humor in them.

Singing about office supplies. One of my favorite things about Big Dipper is you guys never crossed over into parody even though you were slyly funny.

Yeah, it def sounds like something I would write. I was an office supply nerd.

Maybe I sensed that. Dilbert Rock

Thanks. It's a fine line between clever and stupid, as the Tap says. Anyway, super catchy but maybe a little too clever for me.

NEXT!

Next song has to be Scrawl. Apple of his Eye.

Nope

Very Gang of Four with female vocals.

I did like Scrawl back in the day though. Bratmobile-Queenie.

Ah, well they should write a check to Sue and Marcy. Sounds like early Scrawl. Catchy song but a little derivative to my ears.

Yeah Scrawl predates the Bratmobile.By a few years.

You could steal from worse.

True

Scrawl were an amazing band.

Pride of Columbus

Really had the goods live and on record.

Never saw them live unfortunately.I always thought they were on Homestead but it turns out no.

You had your Homestead goggles on.

"I like everything that comes out on Homestead..."

Well that was me back then too

Last song on side A.  Permanent Wave.  No idea who it is, a short, catchy, new wave song.  Mo-dettes?

I do like the Mo-Dettes but no.

Oh Ok. From Athens

Ah!  i had their single, was this on it?

Michael Stipe's sister

Sister of Stipe

Matthew Sweet was in the band for a minute too, later on.

I bought it, I think, cuz I thought I could resell it when rem got famous. Retirement investment

I think the single and the lp are both amazing

Kind of twee, to revisit a theme

The lp is not as twee

That song sounds a little thin

I like the production. it sounds live.

I see that. Okay, I've gotta run.  This was fun.

Ok. Thanks for doing it.

https://www.mixcloud.com/matthewkenneth9/steve-michener-mix-pt-1/?fbclid=IwAR2hhMS8KXo51QjlpJ__ANfdmKY3Ux7vRyIqHHOxGfY_UK4H6tz6vIXyaxE

[djeebus]

August 23, 2020

I Wanna Get Better Performed by  Bleachers Written by Jack Antonoff and John Hill From Wikipedia:  The Lead single from Bleachers’ debut studio album Strange Desire on February 17, 2014, through RCA Records.  The song topped the Billboard alternative songs chart, becoming the band’s first number-one single, and also reached the top ten of the Hot Rock Songs chart. The accompanying video stars Antonoff as a therapist and was directed by his then girlfriend, actress and filmmaker Lena Dunham. The song received heaps of critical acclaim.  MIchael Tedder of Spin called it “An example of an artist so succinctly summing up their entire raison d’etre in one song that the accompanying album becomes superfluous.”  Josh Terry of Consequence of Sound noted it was one of the album’s best tracks due to its “abounding optimism, complete with a monster, scream-it-at-the-top-of-your-lungs chorus.”

This.  Fucking.  Song.

It’s not that I had forgotten it existed.  It’s on at least two playlists that I regularly listen to while driving, and it is my default ringtone on my phone (picks up just as it goes into the first chorus).  I was reminded of it when I woke up this evening by a meme my Eldest had posted in our family group chat on the book of faces.  It said, “Who needs therapy when  you can listen to I Wanna Get Better by the Bleachers 50 times in a row?”

Well... The lines in the chorus brought something to the forefront of my mind that I was aware of, but trying blissfully to ignore the very obvious signs.  My marriage was, and honestly had been for a while, in name only.  It took a dancer at a strip club to truly hammer home, “I didn’t know I was lonely ‘til I saw your face, and I wanna get better.”  And that thought expanded to “I didn’t know I was broken ‘til I wanted a change, and I wanna get better.”  Not that I was going to start chasing a a dancer several years younger than me, I was a married man after all.  But it made me want to fix the glaring problems that existed in my relationship with my wife.  It was entirely too late for us though.

Seven years ago (I know it was late August, might have even been today) she asked me for a divorce.  The deepest and most gut-wrenching, heart stopping pain you’ve ever experienced becomes less with time, but never truly goes away.  Nearly breaking my jaw when I was seven, crushing my knee when I was 20, the pain that showed up in my hip at 39, and those four words, “I want a divorce.”  Losing my parents the way that I did didn’t do much good for me either.  I started taking antidepressants almost immediately after, and continued until my prescription and medical coverage ran out three years later. I’m better now.  But sometimes this song, this fucking song, hits just right.

Lyrics:

Hey, I hear the voice of a preacher from the back room Calling my name and I follow just to find you I trace the faith to a broken down television and put on the weather And I've trained myself to give up on the past 'cause I frozen time between hearses and caskets Lost control when I panicked at the acid test

I wanna get better

While my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines I was losing my mind 'cause the love, the love, the love, the love, the love That I gave wasted on a nice face In a blaze of fear I put a helmet on a helmet Counting seconds through the night and got carried away So now I'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars, Hey, I wanna get better!

I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better

I go up to my room and there's girls on the ceiling Cut out their pictures and I chase that feeling Of an eighteen year old who didn't know what loss was Now I'm a stranger And I miss the days of a life still permanent Mourn the years before I got carried away So now I'm staring at the interstate screaming at myself, Hey, I wanna get better!

I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better

Better, 'cause I'm sleeping in the back of a taxi I'm screaming from my bedroom window Even if its gonna kill me

Woke up this morning early before my family From this dream where she was trying to show me How a life can move from the darkness She said to get better So I put a bullet where I shoulda put a helmet And I crash my car 'cause I wanna get carried away That's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself Hey, I wanna get better!

I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change I wanna get better, better, better, better, I wanna get better

[purpleswift]

Im glad im not the only one upset that she snubbed rep and speak now. Like, it qas a DECADE award. If u ask me shoulda skipped the fearless song and played long live instead, and skipped one of the 1989 songs for new years day or delicate

Yeah I talked about this a lot on my blog… she also snubbed debut which is a HUGE flaw for me because it was her first album, she could’ve at least play Tim McGraw which is her first single or Our Song which is the hit of the album. Then, Mean won a Grammy, in case she forgot… she should’ve performed it. And yes, she sadly missed the opportunity to play Long Live or at least to hint at it. Honestly I could have done without Blank Space, I think it’s unnecessary but she keeps performing it over and over again and it’s starting to become kinda boring especially if she performs it always in the same way. As I said before, if I were her, I would’ve chosen at least one single from each album and performed it. And then hinted at other songs during the medley.

[smilingformoney]

America’s Most Eligible 3 Diamond Scene: Reminisce

You: But if we’re gonna do this, we have to go back to where it all began… Han: Lead on.

-If you’re marrying Adam

You take your wedding party to the foyer and stand near the staircase, watching as the crew bustles around to prepare for filming later. You: This is where it all started… I met Adam right here, waiting for Jen to finish my paperwork. Slater: The Bad Boy and the Girl/Boy Next door… It couldn’t have worked out better if it was scripted. Kiana: If we’re being hoenst, I always thought that it was. Han: The timing did always seem a little too good to be true. You: You guys don’t know the half of it…

Jen rushes you inside, then point at a spot under the staircase. Jen: Stand there while I get your paperwork. And don’t move. You: (What did I get myself into…?) Voice: Watch out! You turn your head just in time to see a giant light fixture falling directly toward you! You quickly jump out of the way, bumping into someone! Strong arms hold you steady. Adam: Gotta watch your step when you’re on set. You never know what’s gonna happen.

You: Adam saved me from making my TV debut with a black eye. Eden: Doesn’t sound like he was so ‘bad’ after all. You: Adam had been through a lot. His season with Vince and Sierra made him doubt himself more than he ever had… You: But he always had a soft spot for me. Bianca: And what about you?

You: I took one look at him, and I knew… -He was my forever.

You: With all of its ups and downs, this past year is proof that fate brings people together at the perfect time. You: Adam needed to learn to trust again, and I needed to fell safe and grounded in my new reality. You: We found that in each other, and now, with each other’s help, we’ve grown in leaps and bounds.

-He was gonna be trouble.

You: I'd barely known him for a few minutes and he wanted me to skip out on paperwork to hang out! You: But he taught me that my time on AME was whatever I made it. I could play like the sky was falling... You: Or I could do things my way. Let's just say our life together is never boring.

-If you’re marrying Derek

You take your wedding party to an empty hair and makeup room, taking in the familiar scent of foundation and hairspray. You: This is where it all started… I met Derek right here at the vanity. Bianca: All the best relationships start over bronzer. Han: Speak for yourself. The baseball field is where I made my best friends. Kiana: I prefer the anonymity of online, but to each their own. You: Everybody has a place that’s special to them. This one’s mine… You take a good look around, and you can almost feel the sweep of a concealer brush on your skin…

You arrive at hair and makeup. The room is overrun with contestants and stylists putting the finishing touches on their opening night looks. Jen quickly gets to work. Jen: Of all the people you’ve met, Bianca, Zeke, and Derek here are all under my care. Jen gestures to the contestant in the chair next to yours. He meets your eyes and flashes you a genuine smile. Derek: Hey. It looks like we’re on the same team.

You: Derek is really someone that I connected with straight away. Eden: You two do seem to have a lot in common. From what I hear, he was plucked from a sea of fans too. You: True, but that’s where the similarities stop. Derek was a super fan, and I’d missed Season 9 completely. You: On paper, you’d think that all of his preparation and my spontaneity should cancel each other out.

You: But Jen introduced the two of us, and… -It was love at first sight.

You: In that one moment, my life flashed in front of my eyes… in a good way! You: I saw a lifetime of love and laughter in our future, and there hasn’t been a day since then that I haven’t been right. You: Derek may overanalyse, but digging deeper helps him see what really matters to the people he loves.

-Here we are a year later.

You: THings with Derek were definitely a slow burn, but now I can't imagine life without him. You: We balance each other in ways neither of us knew we needed. You: He helps me lean in to see the small details, and I pull him back to look at the big picture.

-If you’re marrying Jen

You take your wedding party outside to the courtyard, your heart pumping with all of the excitement you felt when you first stepped on set. You: This is where it all started… I met Jen right here, waiting to sit in the live audience. Slater: And just like that the Girl/Boy Next Door was born. Superstardom in sixty seconds or less. You: It wasn’t that easy… Kiana: I don’t think I’ve heard this origin story before. Han: At least you have an excuse. I was on that season, and I don’t remember this. You: You were already inside. I was just part of the crowd until Whitney stormed out…

Suddenly, the front door flies open, and one of the contestants rushes back out! Whitney: That’s it! I quit! Jen: Whitney, come back! We can fix this! Fan: Looks like someone couldn’t take the heat. Fan: But… the heat hasn’t even been turned on yet! Jen: Whitney, please! I’ll be fired if you leave now… Whitney: I don’t care! I’m not spending one more second in this stupid house!

You: Whitney may have had a meltdown, but I still had to prove to Piper that I would be good for the show. Bianca: I guess if you can entertain the devil, the fans’ll fall in line. Eden: You can say that again. I’d almost forgotten about Piper. You: That day was so hectic. I aced the mini audition, filled out my paperwork… I even did my first Confessional!

You: Through it all, I still remember how… -Kind Jen was.

You: No one expected me to make it past the first Elimination, let alone to the finale. She could’ve just written me off. You: But even with a mansion full of contestants to produce on the busiest day of the season, she took me under her wing and made sure I was okay. You: And she’s been looking out for me ever since.

-Well we worked together.

You: Whitney was a mess, but together, we were able to pull her back from the brink! You: If Piper hadn’t thrown her out, she could’ve come back to win that season. You: That was when I knew, if we worked together, Jen and I would be unstoppable.

-If you’re marrying Mackenzie

You take your wedding party to the kitchen and breathe in the alcoholic tang of freshly poured whiskey. You: This is where it all started… I met Mackenzie right here during the signature cocktail Challenge. Bianca: Knowing Mackenzie, I bet she did her best to leave a bitter taste in your mouth. Kiana: Wait, Mackenzie was like that to you guys too? When we met, I thought she just didn’t like me! Han: It’s not you. The first week of Season 10, she refused to stand next to me. Said she could fell me getting ‘dumb jock’ on her. You: She definitely has a funny way of introducing herself…

You stand in the kitchen and gape at the available cocktail ingredients… You: Well, at least I know I want to add a cherry on top! You reach for the jar of maraschino cherries, struggling to lift the lid… You: Why… won’t this… open?! Just then, the jar is whisked out of your hands! You look up at the contestant who stole the cherries and see a beautiful oman opening the jar with ease. She pops a cherry in her mouth and leaves the open jar on the counter. Mackenzie: What?

You: Mackenzie is never more unbothered than when she’s competing… Except maybe when she’s eating! Slater: You don’t have to tell us, we’ve seen her do both. Eden: She can be ruthless. You: For all her confidence and bravado, her bite is just as strong as her bark. When we met, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

You: She was clearly… -The most beautiful woman in the room.

You: But she’s so much more than a pretty face. She could coast through life on her looks, but she’s the hardest worker I’ve ever met! You: Whether it’s law school, AME, or taking care of her family… Mackenzie doesn’t shy away from a challenge. You: It’s how I know she’ll always have my back. No matter what.

-My biggest competition!

You: Taking the jar out of my hands like that was such a power move! You: She was trying to intimidate me, but little did she know she put herself on my radar. I ushed myself harder to keep up with her. I still do. You: Mackenzie never gives anything less than her best, and I want to bring that same commitment to our relationship.

Bianca/Slater: I’d say that’s a pretty strong foundation to build your love on. You: One thing’s for sure.

You: If I had to do it all over again… -I wouldn’t change a thing.

You: Our love story may not be perfect, but it’s ours, and every bump in the road has only made us stronger. You: My fiancée and I are gonna finish this special the way we came into it. Together.

-I would do everything differently!

You: Who knows what our time on AME would’ve been like if I’d just made some different choices. You: Maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess. Kiana: Shoulda, coulda, woulda. All any of us has is right now. So what’re you gonna do with yours?

Eden: How your love story started may have been beyond your control, but the rest is up to you to make the best choices you can. You: Eloping wasn’t the right choice for either of us. It was just a means to an end. Han: So if that wouldn’t have helped, maybe you two should sit down and figure out what will. You: You’re right… +50 You: Thanks for staying behind to help me pick up the pieces, you guys. Bianca/Slater: Look, I know this is something you’d usually turn to your maid of honour or your best man for, but we all care about you, Jamie. Bianca/Slater: Especially me. You: Right back at ya.

You: Now, I need to find my fiancée… -So we can spend all night making up!

You: We’ve both got some serious apologising to do. Slater/Bianca: A person after my own heart.

-And hash this out.

You: Bringing back all of these memories reminds me of how great we’ve been right from the start. We can fix this! Eden: You love each other, and that’s all that matters. Go squash this, so we can get back to fighting for your happily ever after.

[httpjeon]

if they absolutely HAD to have halsey on a song why couldn’t do it like how they did before with 2 versions of the song like some ppl just wanna hear bts.. and what are they gonna do about promotions is she gonna be on fuckin music bank?

I LAUGHED AT THE MUSIC BANK imagine her at their SNL debut yikes

bighit shoulda released the tracklist first bc now some of us r stuck thinking this is the comeback 😭 it wasn’t a nice surprise bighit take it back