#SHAWN ANGST

[arrowheadedbitch]

One thing he noticed was the man never smiled in his sleep.

He was always quite happy go lucky, that's what he was known for.

And it was not uncommon for him to sleep on the job, just another example of how he didn't care enough about the job he did.

Or maybe that he cared too much.

But one thing Lassiter noticed when he payed attention was that the manchild never smiled in his sleep.

He kept a neutral facial expression the whole time, sometimes it would scrunch up into something negative, but he would never smile.

[samijey]

not Tatum's lil sad face at seeing Lyra betray her morals 🤧

[shyjusticewarrior]

Jason be like: "I will not follow my own advice."

[veryace-ficrecs]

Shawn Spencer Whump Fic Recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

Could you please explain the hurting? by Strangeskulll - Rated T

Shawn did something - moderately - stupid and end up getting really sick. Cue for Gus and Henry to take care of him, however they can.

Shawn Walks Into A Bank by cosette141 - Rated T

Gus was always hounding Shawn for not taking Psych checks to the bank and being "responsible." So it's just Shawn's luck that the one time he goes... so does a crazy gunman.

Saved By the... Bullet? by cosette141 - Rated G

We all knew it would happen one day. Carlton Lassiter finally shoots Shawn Spencer. (not slash) Oneshot

From Bad to Much, Much Worse by MusicalLuna - Rated T

Gus thinks he's going down to the pier for lunch with Shawn. But something's ruffling Shawn's feathers and bad luck is about to hit them with a nasty sucker punch.

Shawn Spencer and the Fate of the Furious by huckleberryzenon - Rated G

an AU to Season 4, Episode 9: "Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark." Rollins has a few tricks up his sleeve after his arrest, post Shawn's dramatic car-hopping rescue.

Shafted by MusicalLuna - Rated T

Only Shawn could injure himself whilst searching a cordoned off office building with a faction of S.B.P.D. officers.

Taking Bullets by cosette141 - Rated G

Gus learns once and for all what lengths Shawn is willing to go to protect his best friend. Oneshot

The Finch and the Mockingbird by Emachinescat - Rated T

Henry's past comes back to haunt him in the worst of ways when a psychopath bent on revenge goes after his son in a deadly game inspired by the dark themes of revenge in Harper Lee's 'To Kill a Mockingbird.' Now father and son must fight for their lives and for each other, because this guy is determined to kill a mockingbird: a snarky, faux-psychic mockingbird named Shawn Spencer.

This Is Why Shawn Hates HGTV by huckleberryzenon - Rated G

Henry Spencer decides that renovating the house and pretending to put it on the market will teach his son to appreciate him more--like Shawn is dumb enough to fall for that. He is dumb enough to fall off a roof when his Dad's real estate agent turns out to be a serial killer who chased him up there, though.

[shawnaise]

shawn slowly losing interest in solving crimes; becoming less and less involved in the psychic charade. coming to terms with the fact that maybe he never wanted to do this, or to be the way he is. tracing scars on his knees from shards of glass that covered easter eggs and realizing that other kids just got candy. not being able to stomach the fact that he fears observing himself too closely; for a deduction about how he operates may kill what’s left of him. him searching for any amount of self-worth to keep him from quitting the only thing he has left, and finding none. scraping the bottom of the barrel for months only to start clawing at the surface below. so he tears himself apart trying to be what his friends think he is and fails. finally taking the time to step back from his life and realize that everything he’s ever done has been for appearances; not for himself. shawn quitting, moving away from santa barbara and never looking back.

[golden-eye-ramblings]

Renatus Revol Headcanon Dump Part 1

Woo wooo!! Time for Renatus headcanons! He’s not just a simple delinquent and I intend to convince y’all on why :3c. This will have manga spoilers! Gif credit to @fallinblossoms

————

Renatus Revol

Height: 5’10/180cm

Age: 26

Birthdate: November 1st

Sign: Scorpio

Gender: Cisgender

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Bisexual

• While Renatus fits into the category of a delinquent brute with how lackadaisical and extreme he can be in terms of delivering punishment. He’s actually quite amicable like Ryoh and Kaldo. He’s just incredibly tired 24/7 due to his role and hasn’t gotten proper sleep in years(except for holidays, which he yearns for every day).

• Has developed the ability to sleep standing upright.

• His favorite food is fast food because it’s the only thing that’s usually available super late at night to eat. My man can NOT cook.

• Conversely his favorite drink is cheap beer because, once again, of how easily accessible it is during late hours.

• He enjoys reading ghost stories because it helps keep him up at night.

• Compared to the others who at least have decent homes or lavish spaces, Renatus lives in a cheap apartment. He still has things in boxes because he’s never had time to go home and truly unpack anything. The first thing one sees when entering his place is a single mattress on the floor, stacks of magazines and books, dirty containers of fast food and empty bottles. Truly a Male Living Space™️.

• Is actually quite the academic, although his memory isn’t what it used to be.

• And speaking of his memory issues. While I am inclined to believe that sleep may be a factor in it, I am also inclined to believe his immortality also plays a role in it.

• While he can regenerate at incredible speeds, it’s not entirely perfect. A crick in the neck? Simple, he just breaks his neck so the bones can set properly again. Back problems? Just break his back, no biggie. After his fight with Doom, his regeneration couldn’t keep up and he lost consciousness. And the healing process was not completely perfect when he came to(huge time shenanigans and mega manga spoilers aside). To summarize, he ended up with brain damage.

• People often think he’s forgetful because he’s just tired or lazy and doesn’t care enough to remember properly. While that’s *partially* true, it’s also because he has yet to really fully grasp how bad it really is. And he’s certainly not being careful with himself either. He’s always had memory issues but his lack of self preservation only exacerbated the problem.

• While he recalls that he gave up his mortality in order to save a girl he loved, he can’t recall if he did in fact save her. Nor even remember her name, or what she looked liked. He doesn’t think on it much in recent times, save for this weird funny feeling he gets in his chest whenever he traces his only scar.

• Renatus’ coworkers have yet to notice how bad his memory has gotten, Agito however has been assisting him in little ways. Such as leaving behind notes and helping him grab lunch and remind him of important events or work related things. He hasn’t noticed the changes fully.

• In terms of closeness with the other Divine Visionaries. He is closest with Agito, amicable with Tsurara, Ryoh and Rayne. Neutral with Orter. And on negative terms with Kaldo and Sophina. He enjoys teasing Sophina the most due to her strict school president like attitude.

• Does not remember Nerey. At all. Repeatedly even after Nerey has introduced himself several times. It’s unclear on whether or not he’s doing this as a bit or because Nerey’s genuinely not interesting enough to be remembered by Renatus.

[writing-whump]

Shawn's secret

Isaiah visits Shawn, who isn't in the best shape. Angsty conversation and some emeto.

It took Shawn three rings to shuffle the door, which Isaiah noted as very strange.

"Hey, man! Glad to see you!" Shawn's greeting was characteristically enthusiastic, but his smile was strained and there were large circles under his eyes.

Isaiah stepped in before Shawn moved away, not giving him time to decide whether to let him in or not. It was very rude and forceful for a wolf.

But this was Shawn. Their relationship wasn't close because of its frequency but the intensity of the interactions.

"What do I owe the pleasure?" Shawn said, following Isaiah into the kitchen. His feet were bare and he was wearing an oversized white shirt and black sweatpants. Surprisingly relaxed for him, even for home.

Shawn liked being stylish and always ready for a sponatous visits or invites. And he liked colours not the monochrome.

Isaiah walked around the apartment. It was so bare. Almost no things to create his usual chaos.

This was getting more and more suspicious.

Shawn looked at him with raised eyebrows. "You done with the examination? Everything up to your liking?"

"Not exactly, no." Isaiah peeked into the bathroom and the bedroom. The bed was unmade and warm to the touch and had the strongest scent. Shawn must have been in it just a minute ago. In the middle of the day?

"Why are you at this apartment?" Isaiah got his network working and figured out Shawn had several apartments across the city. This one was the most modest, empty, behind the river. No pack territories, just humans. It was pretty far away from the centre too, with minimal noise.

Shawn wasn't one to crave peace though. And the apartments weren't the only thing Isaiah had been researching.

"I like to switch them around. You know how it is." Shawn braced himself against the table from behind. If he thought he looked nonchalant, he was gravely mistaken.

Isaiah narrowed his eyes, noticing the glistening trail of sweat on his forehead and cheek. Huh. This was worse than he expected.

"Ehmm...I'm a little low on shopping, so I hope you aren't hungry...or we can order-"

Isaiah rolled his eyes. "I didn't come here to eat."

"You are so formal and boring. Gotta have some kind of fun excuse at least."

Isaiah stared at him unimpressed. The other wolf might have looked cheeky and carefree, but he didn't flinch or lower his gaze like other wolves would have. The heir mentality and their comparably big shadows were at play here.

Isaiah let the silence stretch, giving Shawn one more opportunity.

His breathing was getting shallower though and his dark eyes looked more and more like bruises. Maybe this wasn't the time to push.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Isaiah asked with a sigh, relaxing his posture consciously.

As expected, Shawn's own posture mirrored his, sagging a little more into the table. But not sitting down, so he was still alert.

"Tell you what?"

"Don't play dumb." Isaiah took his phone out of his pocket, waving it around. "You thought I wouldn't find out? Who do you think I am?"

Shawn grimaced, something flashing in his eyes. "Whatever you think you know, it's not your bussiness."

"You came to me, remember? That kinda contradicts it."

"I thought I was coming to the Executioner who used to be my friend. You are in no position to help me right now, so I decided otherwise. Thank me later." Despite how insulting the words sounded, Shawn's voice was tired. It was the first time it sounded so...defeated.

"What do you mean, no position? Only I have the right-"

Shawn scoffed. "Who is playing dumb now?"

"I'm the Executioner of this town."

"No. You were one. You could have been one. You haven't been acting like it. Focusing on your mundane life, fitting in with them, playing human—you thought there would be no consequences?" Shawn rubbed the side of his face, then forced himself to straighten up to flop onto the couch. "No once can force you if you don't want it. It's fine. It's...it's your rightful decision."

Isaiah frowned, stepping closer to stand over Shawn.

There was a cold realization seizing his chest at the words. He had been so...conflicted and undecided about his role and the life he wanted to lead, his efforts not to fulfill his father's wishes and to redefine what the role meant...but he had been relying on its benefits all this time.

On the respect from packs, on his ability to protect his people by reputation alone, on being able to help someone like Rip.

We’re living the dream we wish for, not the life we have. Isn’t that right, Seline?

Yeah, he bet she would say something like that if he could talk it over with her.

"It's okay, Zaya. I'll deal with this on my own. Forget about it."

Isaiah's frown deepened as he shook off his thoughts. "You have been wrongly accused of something terrible. If the word gets out here, you'll be in trouble. I won't let this stand."

Shawn gave him a crooked piting smile. He truly didn't believe Isaiah would be able to influence the issue.

But Isaiah was the Executioner. He might not have chosen it, he might have resisted it, he might have been resentful of what it brought him. But he was the one city accepted as one. The only one who the wolves trusted to make a judgement.

And a judgement he would make. He would decide what would happen. To Shawn and to Rip.

He grabbed Shwan by the collar of his shirt, lifting him up with a quiet growl. "How dare you? I'm the Executioner of this town. Wolves here live and die by my decision. My word is the law."

Shawn's eyes widened, but he still sported a scornful smile, more of bitterness sickering through. "What about the human laws? I'm guilty just for the suspicion and wolves won't help me."

"I'll show you. This is going to end the way I say." He released his grip, letting Shawn drop back to the couch.

Shawn said nothing this time, something hopeful and mournful flickering through him before his face settled on a queasy expression. "Would you mind...getting out of the way?" He slowly got to his feet, bumping into Isaiah to get by.

Something about his tone changed, new urgency in Shawn's movements as he walked towards the bathroom.

Isaiah followed after him, partly shocked and partly knowing immediately what was happening.

The other wolf got in front of the toilet just in time to lean over it. His back arched and he gagged, liquid hitting liquid with a splash.

Isaiah winced in sympathy, his momentarily provoked shadow and competitive anger forgotten. "Are you sick?"

Shawn coughed and brought up another wave, dragging his wrist over his mouth. "I'm fine."

"Is it really necessary to spew that nonsense when I'm literally looking at the evidence?"

"It's nothing." Shawn straightened up, hands all shaky as he braced against the wall. "Can't really sleep or eat. It's to be expected."

Isaiah planted a steadying hand on his back. Shawn breathing was fast, as if unsure whether he would get sick one more time or not.

How his words didn't manage to reassure...that he regretted the most of all.

[lovebeinaprincessworld]

Lila’s Library

(Fanfic Recs)

Marvel

Avatar

Harry Potter

911

Criminal Minds

BTS

Formula 1

Twilight

The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Hobbit/Lord of the Rings

Bridgerton

DC

Hunger Games

Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon

Famous People

Video Games

Yu-Gi-Oh!

Miraculous

Night at the museum

[lassiebf]

Me whenever they're mean to shawn on psych

[harrywavycurly]

I’m sad WWS is over I need to hear Harry’s convo with Shawn like the whole thing Sarah please I know he was mean🤤🙃🫠

Hiii lovey!! I’m sad it’s over as well but you can always come into my inbox and check in on them and see how they’re doing! I will happily give you Harry’s phone call with Shawn😂💖

-find all things Where We Started here✨

A/N: Harry has to let Shawn know to leave you alone but poor Shawn doesn’t even know what he’s talking about, enjoy Harry being mean but not too mean ✨

“Hello?” “Hello Shawn…” “Uh…hey…Harry what’s…up?” “I’m going to get right down to it…I know you and I have some mutual friends one of them being Niall and the other being my….my bestfriend.” “Yeah…yeah we have some friends in common-” “I know she asked you about a marriage pact when you’re fifty and if you’re both single you two will get married and-” “a marriage pact? I wasn’t asked to marry her-” “Don’t interrupt Shawn it’s rude…now just know you won’t be marrying her when you’re fifty or really at any age because if you so much as try to even date her…well you’ll have to deal with me and I know I’m all about treating people with kindness but for you I’ll make an exception…so if I were you..I wouldn’t even flirt with her a little too hard around me and before you try to say you don’t flirt with her please don’t try to take me for an idiot because I’ve seen you two together…so just maybe stick to being her friend and you’ll be fine…understand?” “Uh…I think…I think so yeah?…but Harry I really don’t have a marriage pact or anything with her…and as for the flirting I mean…we’re just friendly that’s it.” “God I really can’t stand you…I just said don’t try to deny it didn’t I? And here you are denying it? I get it…I understand why you flirt with her she’s easy to be flirty and fun with…but just know it ends now okay? No more…because I don’t want to make her upset and if I see you flirting or trying to get closer to her than a normal friendship…well I’ll do something that will very much make her upset.” “Like what?…Harry are you threatening me?” “No…not at all why would I have to threaten you?” “Because you think I’m going to make a move on your bestfriend?” “Well tell me Shawn…are you going to make a move on her?” “No.” “Then no…I’m not threatening you…but this was a lovely chat…hope we don’t have to have another one.” “Yeah…great talking to you Harry…same…hope you don’t have to call me like this again.” “That’ll be up to you now won’t it?…but bye Shawn see you at Niall’s little party next month.” “Bye Harry…”

[dangermousie]

What I want in a fictional man, summary in one cap.

[arrowheadedbitch]

Okay everyone, get ready for a long as hell post.

Tw, suicide attempt, suicide, suicide talk

This is my really indepth Shawn hc that is more of just straight up a story at this point

So STRAP IN!

Okay, so during the ten years, at some point Shawn is super duper depressed. He's not going well at all. He's thinking of offing himself, and he has it all planned out. But, he calls his dad first, in hopes that despite their rocky relationship his dad will talk him out of it. But, as soon as his dad picks up the phone...well, you know Henry, he assumes the worst. So Henry is already yelling at him, why are you calling, what do you need now, blah blah blah, so shawn hangs up on him without ever getting a word in edgewise, he never gets to tell him why he called, and now it's just confirmed to him that he should end it and he's feeling a little spiteful too, so he downs a bottle of painkillers, one of the ones with the candy coating, yknow? He only survives bc he didn't care to lock his apartment door and one of the random girls he's always hooking up with came by to get something she accidentally left there, he doesn't answer but the door isn't locked so she thinks she'll just slip in an get her stuff, but instead she finds shawn and gets him an ambulance. After Shawn gets better, he either manages to charisma his way into convincing the doctors that it wasn't *really* a suicide attempt and gets realesed or does his regular sneaky shit and escapes and dips town so he doesn't have to do any therapy or go to grippy sock jail.

To this day, Henry doesn't know, GUS doesn't know, NO ONE KNOWS, *shawn tells NO ONE*

And he can't take advil anymore, can't stand the candy coating.

----------

Hear me out, him accidentally letting it slip during a big argument with Henry

I'm thinking Shawn says something that alludes to what happened during the argument without out right saying it so Henry gets to be more confused than angry as Shawn realizes what he almost reveals and completely shuts down refisung to elaborate

I'm imaging that scene in modern family where Alex accidentally mentions to her dad that she did stuff she wasn't supposed to as a teen and slowly backs out of the room

-------

And I could go on a whole rant about the candy coated painkillers, and I will!

The idea of picking something that's supposed to be sweet, that is supposed to go down easier

Because that's kind of the whole point of candy coating, and Advil tastes good as hell, I don't care what anybody says

He chose something that would be sweet and go down easy for his final moments

But it ended up sickly sweet

And it still got stuck in his throat

And it burnt on the way down

He started out tasting good (there's a reason Advils child lock game is so good) but it ended up tasting awful and burning

The burn and pain contrasted with how he thought he would go out

(Maybe even a perfect metaphor for his relationship with his father too....)

The taste is stuck in his mouth forever, a taste he can never forget

The sickly sweet burn of a whole bottle of candy coated painkillers

And even just the term "Candy Coated Painkillers" feels kind of perfect for Shawn, like aiygjvifjtjejjdksndh

---

Also the fact that he never tells Gus? AUGHH hits me right in the heart

He doesn't call his mom or his best friend, he doesn't tell them, they wouldn't even know until after he was long gone

-----

Maybe Lassie finds out at some point, finally switching gears from looking for something in his criminal record to checking his medical history

Or as a favor for Juliet (thank you Sid/@obsidiancreates ) to find out the truth about a scar he won't tell her about

Lassie doesn't tell anyone, but he does switch out Juliet's stash of Advil for Tylenol, no candy coating.

Shawn finds out he knows because he gets protective of all the new suicide cases in a completely different way than before

Shawn has to tell him to tone it down before Gus starts getting suspicious

-------

And then of course, there's the major angst potential of an AU where Shawn /does/ die

Especially if told from Henry's perspective...

Especially if all of Psych is just Henry imagining what could have been if Shawn didn't die......

But that's all for now!

Enjoy, angst lovers!

[Thanks to @obsidiancreates and @mores0 for talking with me about this AT LENGTH in the Psych discord :)]

[obsidiancreates]

Never Good Enough

(Hey so that concept I posted where some kinda neurotoxin leaves Shawn unable to mask his depression anymore? Well I wrote a small segment of what that'd be like. IDK if I'll ever do a full fic so have this for now.)

“Looking at you is like looking at everything I was supposed to be, man. Head detective, follows the rules, can rattle off procedure in your sleep, when I look at you it’s like looking my Dad’s dreams for me in the face. And then you weren’t good enough for him either. You’re exactly who I should have been if I didn’t screw everything up and take everyone down with me, and you still weren’t good enough for him. And I had to realize, it doesn’t matter, it never would have mattered. I could’ve done… everything. Everything, exactly like he wanted me to, for my whole life, down to the letter, and I still… wouldn’t be good enough.” Shawn stares out the windshield, just… still. Tense. Numb.

No-one else in the car knows what to say.

“So what does it matter, man? I’m psychic, I’m not psychic, who cares. You’re what I should’ve been and couldn’t be, I’m what you shouldn’t ever be and get results you should be able to. We’re just- we’re opposites, man. But somehow we’re still friends, and I don’t even know how. I don’t know how anyone puts up with my crap enough to stick around, but I really don’t know how you do. Yeah, you say you hate me, but you don’t. I know that even if you don’t back up my theories or believe in my abilities, I can always rely on you. I know you’ll bust in at the last second before I get shot, and I know that no matter what stupid situation I get myself into you’ll end up there somehow to make sure I get out alive and mostly unharmed.”

Shawn thunks his head against his window. “Just like I know Jules will always back me up when it really matters, when I really need her to. And like I’ve known my whole life that no matter what… stupid, selfish moves I make, Gus will always be right next to me. Even when I don’t deserve to have him there. … Especially when I don’t. I never have.”

“I don’t deserve any of what I have. I’m just… dragging everyone along with my stupid games, like I’ve always done. And no matter how many cases I solve, how much I do right, I’ll never… be good enough. For any of it to make up for… me.”

“... Shawn, why do you think that?” Jule’s voice is quiet, but shattering, the silent tension in the car like glass and her words a sledgehammer thrown from a balcony.

Shawn just shrugs. Stares out the window. “The worst part is I know all of it. Still do it.”

“... You know, Spencer… Sh-Shawn. I’m… glad, that you know you can rely on me. Even if you use it as a crutch sometimes.” Lassiter can feel the ‘not the time’ glare from his partner in the backseat, but he ignores it and keeps going. “And I want you to know that I… enjoy knowing I can rely on you in turn. Maybe not to back me up, we don’t have that… dynamic. But I always know you’ll find the truth of whatever we’re working on, even if it makes you look like an idiot as well as me.”

“I just like showing off,” Shawn mumbles. 

“Well… there’s worse ways to do that than solving unsolvable cases.”

“... Sure. Whatever.”

Lassiter shares a look with Gus and Jules through the mirror. He sees equal amounts confusion and heartbreak in both of their eyes. He wishes he could say there was no trace of either in his own, but he knows that’s a lie.

“... I don’t, hate you,” Lassiter begrudgingly admits. He wants it to make Shawn smirk, brag, sing a stupid song about being right.

Shawn barely reacts. “I know,” he mumbles. “... I don’t know why, though.”

[evnovaa]

Y’all I am so sorry for going ghost for 6 months……..omg? I PROMISE IM BACK AND WRITING WILL CONTINUE!! SEND REQUESTS!!

[itsamendesmadness]

Thinking of you

Shawn Mendes x Female reader 

Summary: The reader receives a gift from Shawn while he is away on a guy's trip. 

Warning(s):  SEX TOYS MASTURBATION 

a/n: I had so much fun writing this piece. I think it's my best work so far. Remember to reblog if you want to see more stuff like this. Don’t be afraid to comment. 🫶✨

The constant ringing of your phone wakes you up. You disconnect it from its charger and roll to the other side of the bed. You have two missed calls from Shawn and decide to call him back. Just in case something happened. 

*Phone rings*

“Good. You’re awake” a brisk voice answers the phone. Causing you to instantly blush of how excited he sounded just to hear back from you. “Hey babe, is everything alright?” you respond to the cheerful guy. “Yes. Everything is alright. I just got a little anxious going into the airport, but I felt better when Mike arrived.” You could tell he was trying to mask how anxious he really got. “Airports are anxiety inducing. I totally get it.” you say trying to validate his feelings. “Yeah. Thank you, y/n. Anyways, I ordered a little something for you. It should be at the door any minute now.” he says. “Mmm… I wonder what it could be.” you respond jokingly. 

After a little while of talking on the phone with Shawn. You get an alert on your phone from the outdoor security camera detecting movement. “It's here” you tell Shawn who is still on the phone with you. You proceed to put him on speaker and head to the door. When you opened it you didn't expect what you were seeing. It was a picnic basket with a bouquet of red carnations wrapped in brown kraft paper. Inside laid a beautiful plate of chocolate waffles with strawberries on top and just beside it there was a small pink bag with sparkly tissue paper. 

You struggle getting the basket inside without it tumbling to the ground. Shawn is laughing at the sound of you grunting trying to lift the basket onto the kitchen counter. “Babe, stop laughing. If you make me laugh my arms get even more weak.” you comment laughing. “I’ll stop. Damn… I really miss you.” you could tell he was telling the truth from the change in his tone. “Do you see a little bag?” he asks. “Yes. I am opening it now.” The tissue paper ruffles as you take it out of the bag revealing the inside. “Omg! Shawn!” you scream. 

You take the item out. You feel your face getting instantly red. “I wish I could see your face right now.” He responds playfully. You’ve never owned a toy before of any shape or form…not even vibrating panties. Well, there is clearly a first time for everything. 

“Umm… Should I put them on?” you ask him nervously. “Yes, but first I am switching to FaceTime.” The phone rings changing into FaceTime. You answer the phone and place it leaning on a vase in your kitchen counter. This way Shawn could get a good view of everything. The black laced fabric tickles your soft skin as you put them on. “Oh- they look so good on you.” he says as he comes into view. His hands flew to rest on his head. “I love how you look with just a top and panties.” he says, biting his lip. 

You feel so good when he talks that way about you. You love when he reassures you. 

“Doesn't this need a remote?” you ask him. “Yes, I have it…It’s an app on my phone so I can control it at anytime, anywhere. Saying this, I want you to wear them all day.”  he responds with a smirk on his face. “You are so bad” you respond. “Look, I have to go now, but please don’t take them off, okay?” he says. “Okay. Bye. I love you” you respond. “I love you.” he says as he hangs up. 

The fact of having to wear this all day knowing that it could go off at any given moment gave you massive anxiety. You needed to get some stuff done for the apartment before Shawn came back from the guy’s trip, so you went to the grocery store. You threw on some sweatpants and one of his baggy white shirts to try and disguise the fact that there is a bullet sized vibrator inside your panties.  

Arriving at the grocery store everything is running smoothly. He still hasn't activated it. At this point you thought it was all a joke and he really wasn't going to do anything. He probably wanted you to die of anticipation or embarrassment. You proceed to cross things off your list. This was going to take a while because you took the shopping cart with the bad wheel. Every movement you made a squeak followed.

 You found yourself at the cereal aisle when a subtle buzz started coming from your pants. “Oh- fuck.” you said out loud. The old lady next to you stared at you with a serious face. “These prices are crazy right?” you said to her trying to hide that your man was having a field day in your pants. Shawn was going crazy with the buttons, alternating from slow to fast. You can’t deny it felt so good, but this can’t be happening right now. Not at the grocery store. You grab the cereal and sprint to the cash register to pay for the few items you crossed off. 

Luckily there weren't a lot of people in line. You crossed your legs and acted like you really needed to pee. Hopefully, this would help you distract yourself. 

You finally paid for everything, grabbed the bags and fast walked to your car. “God. Fuck.” you screamed getting into your car. You rested your head on the steering wheel to hide your face from the people walking up and down the parking lot as you came in your panties. “Wtf?!” you said laughing. You grabbed your phone to text Shawn.

Phone messages read:

Shawn: How was it? 

y/n: I came in my car at the grocery store parking lot. 

Shawn: Baby, you are so bad. 

y/n: Shut up! I love you.

[shawnaise]

i almost know that shawn is depressed. not because he’s tired sometimes or is mildly bummed out when something not ideal happens; but because of the way he carries himself. always joking. the need to be perfect. the need to win at everything he’s a part of.

he’s this way because not joking would stop him from pushing analytical thoughts about himself into the recesses of his mind. because if he’s not perfect that means everything everyone has ever said about him is true. because if he doesn’t prevail in every aspect of his life; he’s losing. and losing isn’t an option.

but when winning isn’t an option; he loses, he loses big and losing big kills the ability to joke. and if he can’t joke, the analysis comes back; and if the analysis is back; he is nothing but what he thinks of himself. and he doesn’t think very much of himself at all. not after losing. because if he loses, every negative comment, breath shrouded insult, whisper behind closed doors, scoff, and venom spit that he has ever been on the receiving end of is true. it’s all true.