#S6 alone could make me hate the Winchesters actually

[chappellcastiel]

Castiel Better Than me if the people I lost everything for, fell for, DIED TWICE for response to me asking for help immediately after they asked me for help was “That’s rich” they would’ve never saw me againnnnnn. Like Fym “that’s Rich?”I’ll beat tf outta you 😒

“That’s rich” hoe u in debt with how much you owe him fyk about being rich 🤨

[amialunatic]

Heyyy! I’d love to see some dom!sam head canons, or maybe an nsfw alphabet if you’re interested in writing one!

ok I know this is late but I was just a tad nervous about actually writing hehe.

This is my first writing in general. So yeah, idk how good it is, but I hope you enjoy it !!

NSFW Alphabets

Sam Winchester (Season 1-6. With the exception of demon blood, and soulless Sam)

If anyone likes any of the particular scenarios, give me a request. I could write more about them.

Words: 1k

Warning: nsfw. Minors DNI.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Normally, very sweet. Cuddling you, gently caressing you where he was rough with you. Brushing the marks he left on you, treating you like a precious jewel. (I plan to write another one for soul-less Sam because I need more exposure to him. I'm in S6 rn)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Everywhere, but somehow it feels like Sam would love your neck. Gently nipping with his teeth, drawing out your gasps. He is very modest, so he doesn’t admit to having any favorite body parts of his. (Mine is his back and chest though, omfg I die)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Inside you (protected of course), even though he is scared of having kids and a family, thus passing down his toxic family dynamics, he secretly loves the idea of breeding you. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He sometimes hates that he loves pain. It makes him feel like the devil he believes he is. So he tries to keep that side inside himself. Sometimes, you can push past his limits and set free the untamed Sam and that ends up being the most mind-blowing experience you have had. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He knows enough and guides you through it gently. Rough actions, gentle words.  

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Different moods, different positions. We know the man has different personalities. If he is feeling soft, you straddling and riding him with intense eye contact. If he is feeling more rage-y, from behind. OR with your legs on his shoulder, deep and intense yet extremely personal. He can see you underneath him, your eyes pleading and barely open with all the pleasure you’re in. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Oh no. He is serious. A lot of teasing, but not goofy. It’s more condescending like, “oh you like it? I thought you were above this. I thought you didn’t want this. Your body says otherwise sweetheart. “

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Yeah he is groomed. Clean and trimmed. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very intimate. Romantic, but not sweet. But he knows you like it like that. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he is alone during hunts and misses you, he imagines you. If he is able to, he calls you. If not, he gets himself off in the shower, cascaded in warm water, eyes closed, imagining your body and your pleading and needy voice. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Bondage- The man loves this. You under his control. 

Voyeurism- He gets off from watching you in pleasure. Either self masturbation or toys, whatever it is, he loves the moans and gasps and his name emerging from your lips as you tip off the high. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bed for sure. Kitchen counter. Shower. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Sounds, and your eyes. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hurt you. You guys can be rough which is why you have a safe word. He retreats and becomes his gentle self if he hears so much as a whisper of that word. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves to give. But he loves to receive too. Both are intense. When he is eating you out, nothing can stop him. He is fully into it, determined to draw out the most sinful moans from you. He doesn't stop until you’re a shaking stammering mess underneath him. 

And when he is receiving, he has to hold himself back from slamming too hard. He runs his fingers across your full cheek and stretched lips slowly coaxing you gently to relax. “It’s okay baby, open up. I know you can take it. You look so beautiful, those lips wrapped around me taking me so well.“

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Switching between both. One minute he is slow and sensual and slowly dragging his cock inside you. The next moment, he can’t resist himself from slamming hard as he hears your gasps. Tries not to be rough, but sometimes the restricted rage and force slip through and he can’t control it. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not a fan. He likes it to be detailed and loves to take his time breaking you down to your bare bones until you’re nothing but blissfully fucked out. But he also lets you ride his thighs when you’re needy, even if he is working. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Yeah if you want to. Personally, he likes it traditional, he never gets bored of the basics with you. But if you propose something, he will try it out to please you. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Extreme stamina. Believe me, this man can keep going as long as you need him to. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? Do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He loves indulging you. If you like toys, he buys you toys. Secretly he likes to see you overstimulated and he is just watching from across the room, enjoying your pleasure like his. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He teases you but is very kind. Begging from you, one sincere plea and he will let you cum. But you liked to be teased and so he does it. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not really loud. Grunts and low groans are the things you get. Heavy breaths and strings of curses when he is drawing out his and your orgasms so that you can release from the high slowly. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He is not super horny. But when he is, you are done for. You probably would need to rest a couple of hours to recover from it. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Not that quick. He carries you and gets into the shower, slowly washing away the remains and calming you down. Then gives you something to eat before sleeping.

[autisticandroids]

ok how would girls au work because i feel like to keep true with the theme of toxic gender roles them being cool and butch feels very at odds with that when like the girl version of that would be like christian girl with an instagram talking about country life and her future husband like it would be an interesting combo for them because john would be like ur an inherent failure for being a girl but also the expectations are lower already for them compared to john and sons

yeah it’s like weird! but i think about it a lot. i made a big fun post with it here.

basically my ideas are a combination of serious (dean) interesting (sam) and self-indulgent (cas).

like first of all i think sam is an out lesbian and i think she came out during the fight before stanford. like, i think she told dean when she was like fifteen, but she told john the night she left. she spat it in his face, actually. 

i think dean is like. dean loves her unconditionally but is also lightly homophobic to her about it, you know? they were accustomed to sharing motel room beds as kids but dean won’t do it anymore now that she knows sam likes girls. dean is also like, weird to her about her interactions with other women, and also talks constantly about men, as though men-liking were a cool exclusive club only dean is invited to.

i think sam has like butt length straight hair and doesn’t wear any makeup ever but doesn’t like. wear mens clothes or anything, like she wears plain clothes that are cut for women. on hunts she puts her hair in a braid. maybe she braids a spiked strap into it like beka cooper.

dean is like........ dean is a lot like young, pre-john mary i think. think the song remains the same. dean is obsessed with performing masculinity, while at the same time terrified of seeming mannish or queer. she walks a weird line, and ends up overperforming both masculinity and femininity. she regularly challenges dudes twice her size to arm wrestling contests in bars, but she never goes out of the motel room without a full face of makeup. like she’s obsessed with doing both. masculinity for respect, and femininity for conformity. you know that thing dean does with his voice? the harshening? the intentionally adopted accent and tough guy tones? she does that too. and her voice is raspy, like rachel miner’s. she’s just as invested in her “heterosexuality” as canon dean.

she wears dean’s same green army jacket but underneath it she ties up a flannel shirt so it bares her midriff. she wears her hair like s13 mary, except that sometimes she puts it in little pigtails. 

cas is the easiest because cas’ gender presentation doesn’t matter at all except in how OTHER PEOPLE relate to her, so it’s less a question of “how would cas do woman?” and more a question of “what would it be fun to see other people/dean specifically react to?”

so basically like. jimmy novak is a frumpy feminine christian mom. still wears the trench coat and probably a suit but when i say suit i mean blazer, pencil skirt, tights, blouse (or maaaybe a button down), low-ish heels. long hair in bouncy curls (think rowena’s hair but no bangs and black). actually jimmy novak probably pinned her hair up in a slight updo.

anyway i’ve decided that i refuse to try and remember what actually happened with cas falling in like, canon, like how close he got to human. this au’s cas gets close enough to human that she has to start like. showering. anyway she can’t take care of the hair so it gets tangled in a giant rat’s nest and dean gives her a bathroom chop. she has to borrow the winchester sisters’ clothes, because she has to start changing clothes but also because she can’t fucking walk in jimmy’s heels or in that confining skirt without the assistance of her grace. 

all the winchesters’ clothes look baggy on her because she’s kind of spindly and narrow and flat as a board. like dean and sam have big shoulders, big hips, and big breasts, and cas has zero out of three, so anything she wears looks like a smock. she keeps wearing the coat over whatever they give her. she’s tallish (five feet eight or nine inches?) but dean is taller and sam is freakishly tall. cas could probably pass for a man alone but when she’s with dean or sam it’s obvious she’s a woman just because of the heights.

when she returns to angelhood at the end of season five, she’s wearing jimmy’s white office button down, but no bra underneath because the only reasons she would need one would be to either make her boobs look bigger or to hide her nipples and cas isn’t interested in either of those things and bras are uncomfortable, no blazer on top, a set of cargo pants that look feminine and form fitting on dean because dean is in possession of an ass and hips, but baggy and dykey on cas because she is not, combat boots (also dean’s), and the coat, and her hair is just like canon cas’ hair but way choppier because dean cut it for her.

anyway, dean treats cas in a WILD way, like. they do some intricate rituals in season four? they are dean winchester and castiel, after all. but after cas butches up in season five and then stays that way dean pushes it into overdrive. “i wish you were a boy so i could date you” shit. dean lets cas put a hand on the small of her back. she jokes that cas is her boyfriend. when cas sleeps, they sleep in the same bed, “since you can’t possibly share with sam, she’s a dyke.” also she called cas cassie a lot when cas looked more feminine but switches exclusively to cas when cas looks more masculine. like it’s this whole “”””straight”””” girl intricate ritual where one is attracted to a masculine woman so one coercively masculinizes her further.

sam tries to check in with cas to see if cas is cool with this forcible masculinization and weird gender relationship, because sam is gay and Understands or at least thinks she does. she also catches wind that cas is here to smash a lot sooner than in canon. but anyway cas rebuffs her because cas hates sam. 

tangent, but one of my least favorite things that happens in mid spn, starting i think in s6, is that they start needing plausible deniability for cas, so they start pretending him and sam are like, friends. like 6.20 “i did it to protect the boys. or to protect myself. i don’t know anymore.” like there’s all this emotional stuff where cas is clearly talking about his emotional connection to dean, but sam gets included in order to make it seem SLIGHTLY less gay. and that’s annoying because of the no-homo-ness but it’s actually more annoying because 1) i liked s5 cas’ bitchiness towards sam i think that killed and 2) if sam and cas are gonna be friends after cas was a bitch and called sam an abomination and shit, develop it! develop it! don’t just Say that they are.

anyway it’s my au and i say what happens so the plausible deniability “both the brothers are important to me” shit does NOT happen and cas is a bitch to sam throughout s5&6. they do eventually bond later? like cas still takes sam’s hell trauma, and sam feels like she owes her for that (even though it was CAS’ FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE but sam is batshit like that). so that’s what kind of gets them to eventually bond a little and become friends and comrades. 

also sam clocks cas as gay. obviously. sam tries to inform cas about being gay. because sam too is gay. it only kind of sticks. cas doesn’t really understand how human societal roles work. cas has HUGE angel autism and i support her.

also as long as we’re talking about five and six, why don’t we deal with male lisa. so obviously the kid thing doesn’t work. the thing that lisa does that makes dean like :o is not “have a kid that might be dean’s” but “tell dean he was going to propose.” this implies that they were dating in the past longer than canon dean and lisa but oh well. 

however, when dean gets pulled back into hunting, she’s six weeks pregnant by lisa and doesn’t know it. cas immediately tells her, and offers to give her an angelic abortion. she accepts without hesitating and cas does it. the fact that this - cas taking ownership of dean’s reproductive organs in a somewhat invasive way, even if it was wanted - contributes to their whole.... season six..... dynamic. dean never tells lisa about this.

that’s everything i can think of. i have work in four hours.

[ruinedsam]

To that anon who asked me about my thoughts about Cas and if I have a favorite angel, sorry I accidentally posted the unfinished draft and then quickly deleted the ask before anyone could see my half-baked ramblings 😳 So here's my answer, hope you see this :)

First off, I liked angels when they were first introduced in s4, I liked that they were these powerful eldritch beings who are unemotional obedient warriors. I thought it was very compelling to watch how Cas struggles with heaven's belief system in s4 and with his faith in God and humanity in s5. I'm currently rewatching s6 and I'm surprised how much I love Cas. I love that he's a badass warrior, I love that he doesn't take shit from anyone, especially Dean, and I love that he's morally ambiguous.

However, I feel like after s6 it steadily got downhill with Castiel and by the time the show ended, they thouroughly ruined his character. I think this is a mix of the badass decay of angels in general, the declining quality of the whole show, bad/inconsistent writing and the focus on his relationship with Dean. While there are some things that I actually thought were interesting, like the brainwashing storyline in s8 or his relationship with Jack, the way his characterization developed, especially how he basically became the Winchester's pet, did him a huge disservice.

In later seasons I can go from liking to disliking him in a flash. Literally every time he interacts with Dean I want to bash my head on the wall in frustration (it makes both of them supremely unlikeable but Castiel's need for Dean's approval is so gross to me). However, when he's alone with Sam and they're doing crazy stuff, I really like him. Sometimes he does something indcredibly stupid and shitty and I can't stand him, like freeing Lucifer and then shifting the blame, but then he does something great like unconditionally supporting Jack and I like him again. In the end they managed to ruin Cas though with 15x18 (my thoughts about that here.)

As for my favorite angel, if I can separate s5 Lucifer and late seasons Lucifer, then it's 100% s5 Lucifer, the best villain the show ever had. If not, then it's Anna. I hate that the show gave her storyline to Cas and then killed her off, she had so much potential! It was such a bamf moment when she killed Uriel. He was giving a speech how there is no God and she stabs him in the back and tells him that there might be no God but "there's still me". Love that girlboss <3

Thanks for the ask!

[americachavez]

did cas really tell dean to kneel before their new god? did that actually happen? i thought him beating the shit out of dean in that alley was the most unrestrainedly horny thing this show had ever done ACTUALLY you know what scratch that new question: top horny moments from the cw's supernatural (2005 - 2020)

getting this ask feels like my sins of the last week have been weighed against the Trials I Have Gone Through since the premier of supernatural on the wb in september of 2005 and I’m not sure if it is a punishment or reward

some notes before we begin:

the ep with dean’s male siren was like, conceptually horny but not actually that horny because the dude was uglie. I’m sorry to this man

all you sam girls out there. I respect you but I do not respect jared padalecki who is JUST tall and has zero sex appeal. but those eps where he’s like, drinking ruby’s blood and then eating her pussy are. you know. I’ll give you that

I am ONLY UP TO SEASON 10 so fair warning this is not comprehensive but the horniness does seem to drop off sharply after the mark of cain is no longer in play lol gotta love a good demon murder tattoo plot

this is easily the most insane thing I’ve ever done, including the destiel manifesto

S1 EP12: the scene where dean gets healed by the faith healer, on his knees with a hand in his hair and looking somewhere between religious ecstasy, brain death and an orgasm. starting this list off great

S1 EP22: azazel possessing john winchester. no I will not explain further if u know u know <3

S3 EP10: dean being taunted by a dream version of himself, this is where we first got the daddy’s blunt little instrument line. still burned in my hippocampus a good 13 years later thank yew

S4 EP1: dean crawling out of his own grave covered in grave dirt. hot. the HANDPRINT. HOT. also tangent but this reveal after the s3 finale was WILD back in 2008 I hollered in my dorm room after canvassing for obama. simpler times man

S4 EP 1: cas’ intro scene. the barn. the shadow wings. the hair??? getting stabbed in the chest by the man you just pulled out of hell. getting aaaallll up in that personal space. his little eyebrow. “you don’t think you deserve to be saved.” OUTRAGEOUSLY FLAMING

S4 EP02: “I dragged you out of hell I can throw you back in.” <<< this angel tops. mark dean down as scared and horny etc

S4 EP16: this ENTIRE EPISODE but specifically the part where dean tortures alastair as some kind of foreplay and then alastair kicks his ass. carved you into a new animal. jesus.

S4 EP16: wait I forgot about the part where cas also gets his ass kicked and looks all....hm. dazed and covered in blood while he’s on his knees and about to die. yeah.

S5 EP4: I mean this entire ep is unfairly horny considering everyone is dying of a zombie plague and hasn’t showered in like, 4 years but if I had to pick one hmmm. the dean/dean interrogation scene with the panty kink yeah I know it’s not original but hm. it happened. also misha collins just being able to convey that CAS IS A FLEXIBLE SLUT with a single roll of his shoulders. who SAYS this man can’t act!!!!!

S5 EP18: the ALLEY SCENE. DEAN DOESN’T FIGHT BACK. CAS HOLDS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND AND THEN THROWS HIM ACROSS THE ALLEY. WHY DID EVERYONE THINK CAS COULDN’T TOP. you all had brainworms.

S5 EP18: when cas locks dean in the panic room to stop him from saying yes to michael and “well cas not for nothing but the last person who looked at me like that I got laid” I hate this show. wait I think the blow me cas line is in this episode too what the fuck were they on here

S6 EP5: the scene where dean gets turned into a vampire. between the old dude who I think calls dean a pretty boy (??) and soulless sam....watching??? no ******* but there were just some absolutely foul energies in that scene and I still do not understand WHAT they were thinking

S6 EP20: cas doing a double smite on two demons by slamming them to the ground and then shoving another demon back in its vessel and then smiting him in the same motion. TOP. ENERGY.

S6 EP22: season 6 is possibly cas’ horniest season because he’s like, going through angel puberty after getting his first boner for dean, but the final cas eps are. whoof. cas eats a bunch of souls and proclaims himself to be a new god in order to handle said boner, and then the season ends with cas telling them to bow down and profess their love to him, their new lord, or he will destroy them. note: the way this is framed makes it look like cas is only staring at dean while he says this, even though sam and bobby are also there. the season ends with dramatic zooms on both cas and dean’s faces respectively. this made me actively regret ditching this show after s5 lol

S8 EP??: literally EVERY SINGLE PURGATORY FLASHBACK. cas dean and benny are all purgatory hot in the “pop 10 cranberry pills and risk the UTI” kind of way but also. dean being the hot girl bottom between two tops who hate each other. I really. whew. I need to go take a shower.

S8 EP17: if I get canceled for including the crypt scene on this list I blame you bud. but dean on his knees begging a brainwashed cas to stop killing him WAS sexy. how many times has dean been on his knees in this list wait there’s another one coming up next jsldjfsldkjf

S9 EP2: abaddon getting dean on his knees (YEAH) and pulling his hair and praising him for always coming when called HELLO???? the only thing that ruins this is dean says “I can’t tell if we’re gonna fight or make out” because this is the CW and they won’t let him say fuck

S9 EP6: ah. this entire episode is Emotionally Horny but the horny horny part is when they’re in the car and dean is telling cas to unbutton his shirt and. watches. I know this was on my destiel manifesto but I need it here too

S9 EP9: cas, covered in blood, slitting another angel’s throat and eating his grace after getting tortured. that shot alone made me understand why this website was so goddamn horny for misha collins for nearly a damn decade

S9 EP11: MARK OF CAIN BABEY. cain watching dean beat up a bunch of demons as an audition for taking on the mark, while crowley also is a fucking voyeur to the whole thing. cain is also a hot silver fox with daddy energies. I said what I said

S9 EP 16: dean getting the first blade. he’s chained to a pillar and being menaced by a foppish dandy who wants to add him to his “collection” (WOW). dean then kills him with the blade and whew. murder is sexy sometimes

S9 EP21: dean being pinned against a wall by abaddon’s power, then using the mark of cain to break her hold, calling the first blade to him psychically and then killing her. god the mark of cain is hot

S9 EP23: dean waking up with the demon eyes NUT

S10 EP2: demon dean beating up that dude with the boring backstory and kicking his ass. really was a go on baby I got your flower moment because I hated that dude and I love demon dean

S10 EP3: demon dean being chained up and taunting sam about how his brother is gone, then hunting sam through the bunker. demon dean in general was VERY fun for me, someone who loves trash

S10 EP9: dean going berserk and killing a bunch of pedophile rapists/child abusers. I’m sorry I know this show is trying to preach morality at me about monsters and unnecessary murder and humanity or whatever but we blew past that like 8 SEASONS AGO. also the mark of cain is sexy

S10 EP14: the rest of this list is really gonna be mark of cain stuff isn’t it look I’m here to have fun. cain and dean’s fight. cain continuously tossing his mane of hair back and taunting dean with the picture of what he’s going to become, who he’s going to kill. dean begging cain to tell him that he can stop, and then ultimately killing him. rip daddy.

S11 EP4: again I have not watched this however. every shot of this episode is PRESTIGE TELEVISION because driving a muscle car is sexy. and especially the shot of dean all beat to hell and begging his car to start and giving her a little kiss from his fingers to her dash. ugh. masculinity.

S12 EP10: the bearded salt-and-pepper daddy look returns, only it’s an angel this time and he’s wearing a vest and shirtsleeves and he swordfights with a hot redheaded lady in a suit and an eyepatch. this show is good sometimes!!! and oh fuck lol I just realized this is the same guy who played krissy’s hot hunter dad in s7 probably the first guy who’s hotter as an angel than a hunter. huh.

S12 EP 11: dean riding larry the mechanical bull to “broomstick cowboy.” I have no idea where this factors into the ep but I have seen. the youtube clip

S13 EP23: from what I can tell s13 is way more emotionally horny than boner horny, although dean burning cas’ body was sexy. but the horniest part was dean saying yes to michael and then michael taking over and saying “thanks for the suit.” we are going to ignore the silliest fight scene in existence as well as the final shot ending on a FREEZE FRAME like a goddamn tiktok

S14: not gonna pick a specific moment because I have not watched yet!!! but michael dean is hot. idk why michael is weirdly hot and I cannot stand any iteration of lucifer on this television programme. it should be the reverse but I’m forever an older sibling stan apparently. someone who is catholic could probably explain this better.

S15 EP13: genevieve padalecki and danneel ackles fight flirting as ruby and anael I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HELD OUT ON THIS TILL THE LAST SEASON

I know I am missing things but this is already an absolutely incomprehensible screed. I know I’m missing shit from the latter seasons but give me time I’m pacing myself

[astudyinfreewill]

look what you made me do || 1/?

aka: me making taylor swift songs about dean winchester and/or deancas bc it’s what dean himself would want

(i will be keeping track of these with a masterpost, just in case i need to find them again or someone enjoys seeing me go hogwild on lyric analysis, lol. also, there’s a wee treat at the end of the post!)

and without further ado, our first tswift x dean song is...

the archer

combat, i'm ready for combat i say i don't want that, but what if i do?

we start off with an extremely obvious line: dean winchester is always ready for combat - he’s been trained all his life to essentially be a soldier/vigilante figure, an ultimate warrior of sorts. the thing is... he doesn’t want to. when dean is left to his own devices, without his father to order him around or a Big Bad to spur him on, what he chooses to do is is cook for his loved ones, have movie nights with them, play music, tinker with parts to build something new. at his core dean is kind, and full of care for others, and his deepest fear is that he truly IS nothing more than just a killer or a weapon - hence the ‘but what if i do’.

'cause cruelty wins in the movies  i've got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you 

‘the movies’ here is just shorthand for everything he’s witnessed happening around him in real life. as far as dean’s experience goes, cruelty does win. why believe in softness and kindness when your father has taught you that either of those things is a weakness, and the world simply doesn’t care? 

as for the second line, well. you can guess what THAT’s about. dean feels so deeply, but really struggles to verbalise his feelings, often brushing them off until he explodes. we usually see him at his most vulnerable while praying to cas, but even then, you get the sense that he’s holding back on so much. (“cas, i need to say something--” “you don’t need to say it, dean.” so it goes, so it goes.)

easy they come, easy they go i jump from the train, i ride off alone  i never grew up, it's getting so old help me hold onto you 

a few points here: “i jump from the train” could easily be a callback to dean’s impulsive self-sacrificing ways, and “i never grew up” underlines how he never got the chance to evolve and grow into himself because he got essentially stuck in the “child parenting another child” role. sure, he had to be a mother and a father to sam, so in some ways he grew up really fast; in others, he was stuck as an insecure teenager, because he never got the opportunity for healthy emotional growth himself. 

and of course, “easy they come, easy they go” is a tragically accurate representation of dean’s most devastating insecurity: that everyone he loves eventually leaves him. mary died, john was constantly absent, cassie broke up with him when he tried to tell her the truth, sam left him behind for college, and then, of course, there’s cas... who just. keeps. leaving, one way or another, and dean just desperately wants him to stay - which also ties into “help me hold on to you”. the irony of it all, of course, is that dean wants castiel to choose not to leave, whereas castiel desperately wants to be asked to stay; and ain’t that just a fucking tragedy.

i've been the archer, i've been the prey who could ever leave me, darling? (but who could stay?) 

the first line is pretty self-explanatory: dean has been both aggressor and victim, both literally and emotionally. he’s a fearsome hunter who gets hunted down by monsters in turn; and he’s lashed out and pushed people away, while getting his heart broken in return too. 

but it’s the second part that really strikes me as a dean line, because the first half - “who could ever leave me, darling?” - is the bravado that dean wears like a mask. charming smile, a flirty wink, swagger in like you own the place, “i think i’m adorable”, “i’m a joy to be around”, etc. but the second part... that’s the whisper of truth behind it. for all that dean can turn the charm on and put on a brave face, he’s thoroughly convinced that he’s not worth sticking around for.

dark side, i search for your dark side but what if I'm alright, right, right, right here? 

so, can you say trust issues? remember how long it took for dean to believe an angel could be on his side, and then how deeply he came to trust cas? and remember how heartbroken he was when castiel betrayed them in s6, and how that heartbreak was covered up with anger when cas came back? yet, no matter how many twists and turns they go through, inevitably, dean ends up trusting cas with his life - he’s not only the definition of a ride-or-die, but he also trusts him in smaller, more intimate ways, such as letting down his guard and allowing himself to be vulnerable only around him, or praying to him for comfort as much as guidance.

and i cut off my nose just to spite my face  then hate my reflection for years and years 

...but because of those trust issues, and because of dean’s deeply entrenched abandonment issues as mentioned above, often dean ends up reacting to things more harshly than is needed, by lashing out in anger and pushing people away (or, in more than one occasion, through the infamous silent treatment). but we also know he immediately regrets it, because it ends up hurting him just as much, if not more. basically this correlates to his speech from 15x09 about his anger issues.

i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost the room is on fire, invisible smoke and all of my heroes died all alone help me hold onto you

there’s also the fact that having attachments as a hunter isn’t exactly safe, and comes with a shitton of fear of losing people - or remorse and regret when you do lose them. “the room is on fire, invisible smoke” - i can only imagine dean would still have nightmares of that fateful night when he was 4 years old and his mother burned alive on a ceiling (and so: “i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost). as for his heroes dying alone... mary. john. ellen. jo. ash. kevin. charlie. the list stretches way too long. it’s only natural he’d be afraid of losing cas too... especially since he’s already died multiple times, and dean has mourned him more and more devastatingly each time.

i've been the archer, i've been the prey screaming “who could ever leave me, darling”-- but who could stay? 

the same concept as the previous chorus, except that here the façade of confidence and swagger comes off almost as desperate (screaming “who could ever leave me”). but then we know overcompensating is kinda dean’s thing.

'cause they see right through me, they see right through me they see right through me -- can you see right through me? they see right through me, they see right through me  i see right through me, i see right through me 

and we circle back to dean’s constant fear of being found worthless, damaged, and unlovable. no matter how much bravado he puts on, his actual self-worth is close to non-existent, so of course he’d feel like a fraud, and it makes sense he’d fear other people seeing through his act, or wonder if they do - can cas see right through him? because dean himself certainly isn’t buying his own lies.

all the king's horses, all the king's men couldn't put me together again 'cause all of my enemies started out friends help me hold onto you 

the first line just... hurts me a lot. i guess it’s the nursery rhyme sound of it, almost trying to take the bite of a statement which is, essentially: i’m broken beyond repair. as i said above, dean’s not buying his own lies, he knows exactly how much baggage and trauma he carries. and not to go back to the trust issues again, but it is hard to believe someone could see past that when there’s so much betrayal in your history (which, yes, has included cas at one point too, as well as sam, or, say, fucking chuck).

i've been the archer, i've been the prey who could ever leave me, darling? (but who could stay?) who could stay? who could stay? you could stay, you could stay... 

and then... we have the third repeat of the chorus, which echoes the first, softer version of it, but with a fundamental difference. this time, the rhetorical question “who could stay?” finds a pointed answer in “you could stay”. because yes, maybe cas leaves a lot, but he always, always comes back. so i’d imagine dean harbours hope that one day, maybe, cas will want to actually... stay for good.

combat, i'm ready for combat

and that hope kinda gives this final line a whole new lovely layer of meaning: dean’s no longer ready for combat just because he’s been trained for combat all his life; rather, he’s ready for combat because for once in his life, he has something to look forward to; something to fight for: the happy ending he deserves, where someone - perhaps someone in a dirty trenchcoat and tired blue eyes - will finally stay.

---

BONUS: literally the day after i started obsessing over this song as a dean song, i found a fanvid of it! if that’s not serendipitous, i don’t know what is <3

[gooferdusted]

hypothetically, if I were to write a fix-it/rewrite au fic, (thinking of starting at s5 but debating starting earlier) what are some storylines you’d take out/change, characters you’d save/kill, and specifically changes to sam’s character/arcs you’d like bc i need ideas

ok. ok. I'm gonna try to not go completely off the fucking rails while I write this up but I gotchu (also these r all just my own hot n spicy takes so like. pick what u like, it's all goodie goodie)

• no time passing differently in hell. literally four months is ~Enough!~ a year is enougghh!!!!!! like I get that they wanted to make hell this horrible unreachable thing but u can still like... get that across without having it be this unfathomable chunk of time out of a persons life. like sam was down there with TWO very pissed off angel's for 180 years??? how can he still speak english??? how does dean remember ANYTHING about his old life when mentally more than half of it was spent being endlessly tortured until he finally cracked??? its just.... Too Much...

• ON that note, I feel like later on they never rlly had sam and dean bond over the fact that like... they are genuinely the ONLY two people on earth who have survived actual hell. I mean we got that one off line from dean at some point but??

• no chuck as god. just a greasy greasy rat man getting insane stories projected into his brain. and on the topic of that.... I dont like the reflection of the real life fanbase in the spn universe??? they're pulp fiction novels, it should be all like 50 year old + ladies who picked them up at the local bargain bin, not b*cky r*sen

• I like... WANNA say smth abt s4..... bc I think the way that they handled things were a little out of character BUT I also think that was lind of the point??? like the angels and demons were manipulating them to say/do things they would normally never say/do to eachother to drive a big enough wedge between then that they would eventually say yes to being the vessels. like it hurts to watch sooo much but it did drive the plot forward in a very particular way that probably couldnt have happened otherwise. that being said, when the levee breaks makes me sad, and I dont want to see sam crying for his dead mother alone in a basement! cest la vie.

• sam and dean.... are Friends...,, why did we all forget that..... watch hell house and maybe I'll calm down.....

• PSYCHIC SAM!!!!!! you all know me. you know how I feel about psychic sam... robbed. s4 finale rlly had sam like "drinking that much demon blood has truly changed me forever..... theres no going back now...... 😔😔" like ok. ok. where are your superpowers. where are they.

• I wish some of the other special children had made it out :(( I really liked andy and ava (also sam finding other friend who are like him??? queer allegory??? spare queer allegory?????)

• I also dont think the roadhouse shouldve burned down!!! that shouldve been a Staple Location like Bobby's house. same w Missouri's, literally why did we only visit her once.

• ur sending an ask to my blog so I assume this is just a given for u but!!! we're takin away the misogyny. we're takin away the fetishization! anything that would be given the greenlight by joss whedon we are putting straight in the trash. <3

• this is mostly a thing in later seasons like. idk 9-15, but no ppl knowing who the winchesters are. they are NOBODIES. they pop up like little meerkats and fuck everything up beyond repair.

• also no fancy tech. no iphone 76z or whatever the fuck. sam has an ipod 1. the wheel is so stuck he can barely press play anymore. remember when he literally just tore off the top casing off his laptop and threw it away? more of that.

• no nice clothes. NO nice clothes we fuckin hate that. everything sam and dean own was purchased pre 1995 and dean is an expert at removing blood stains and sewing up jackets. dean will walk into a laundromat with a tide pen and just start goin for it like that scene in deadpool.

• tbh.... I feel like the issues in later seasons are really this massive horrible domino effect. like I could say heres how to fix s7-10 but the fact is if shit hadnt gone down lile it had in s7 s10 would be a different story entirely.

• I am gonna do it tho bc I suck <3

• s6: soulless sam was funney but did that really go anywhere? no. tbh I dont remember what happened w cas and I'm just not going to look it up. it's just not in the cards for tonight. dean w lisa.... ehh.... I've discussed this at wayy too much length w mushroom and we both agreed that dean would probably keep hunting to keep his mind off things and to try and honor sams sacrifice. I guess theres an argument to be made for the fact that it kind of was Sam's dying wish that dean just go fin her and live a normal life but... idk. purgatory was. . indeed a Concept..... that could have maybe gone somewhere if it didnt rapidly spiral into....

• s7!!! I mean. jesus christ. I know some people like this one but jesus christ. the way they literally couldnt commit to having sam have genuine mental health problems after centuries in hell or to just magically wipe them away..... bobby dying halfway thru.... charlie was a bright spot I suppose, but her intro is not my fave episode w her.... idk what the fuck happened w cas, I guess he was god. the leviathan designs were kinda neat but like oh my fucking god it wasnt worth it.

• s8: uh. rough start. idk why the turn tables so suddenly and dean's like "why didnt u look for me >:((" bc??? yall agreed not to???? at the VERY least they couldve had sam been like "I legitimately had no reason to think u werent dead and in heaven and tha wouldve been a little rude of me to pull u out of that." but we went for ~drama~ to make it spicy I guess. ouygh. bunkers there!!! that was cool!!! MoL is a cool concept!!! altho... it doesn kinda contradict the whole sam and dean are nobodies thing... idk. trials of hell was like... cool in theory but bad in practice unless they were planning on ending the show for realskies. and they did not.

• s9: uhh... hated gadreel! hated that shit! wish they had spun that whole storyline to be more "hey sam I noticed u were s*icidal should we maybe address that??" or even like.... I mean dean probably couldve just TOLD sam abt his plan, he had already convinced him to stay alive by that point??? there was no reason to lie!!! plus the betrayal of gadreel not being who he said he was wouldve been like. literally enough drama, we didnt need to fracture the team again. and cas was??? where exactly??? be was human for at least half of that season but hey didnt know what to do w him so they chucked him in a convenience store??? good lord.

• s10: got no suggestions for that one, just toss it

• s11: ok... shes cute.... we can forgive her.... the lore is shaky at best but the episodes SLAP and the characterization is *chefs kiss*. it's been a hot minute since I've seen it so if smth sucked I dont remember and I plan to keep it that way!!!!

• s12: n.. no. no mary. no mary unless we're doing it right. and I promise u doing it right was not poorly ripping off kingsman. couldve brought back bobby!!! if they desperately wanted some drama couldve brought back john!!! actually fuck that, no way

• s13-15: no thoughts, only jack kline <3

[winchester-fantasies]

Backtrack - Summer of ‘98: Chapter 2

Backtrack Masterlist

Series Summary:  What if you were the one Dean came to instead of Lisa? Rewrite of “Swan Song” and some of S6.

Word Count: 1952

Warnings: fluff, flirty Dean, shy reader, light angst, some swearing

Pairing: Dean x Female!Reader

A/N: Chapter 2′s song: White Jeans by SALES.

Winchester Fantasies’ Masterlist

You threw your hair into a ponytail before smoothing down the few flyaways at your temple. You could hear the bass of the music downstairs as you threw the cardigan over your tank top. You took a deep breath, your stomach already roiling with anxiousness. You hated parties, you hated crowds, and those two combined were the worst fucking nightmare you could ever have.

You stepped out into the hall, immediately coming face to face with a couple eating each other’s faces. You rolled your eyes and huffed in irritation as you closed your door, hoping to god you wouldn’t walk in on the shitfaced couple later that night.

You descended the stairs, the music growing louder and the smell of beer and sweat permeating the air. You scrunched up your nose in disgust as a drunk college kid came stumbling past you, and you skirted a football flying through the air from god knows where. 

You hurried to the kitchen, finding your sister by the sink, laughing and sipping from her Solo cup. You eyed her up and down, taking in her too short denim skirt and sheer tank top. Some guy you didn’t recognize was talking to her, his body too close for comfort. If you’d been in your sister’s place, he’d already have been on the floor, nose bloody.

“Hey, little sis!” Leah suddenly said, startling you as she came over to you, throwing her arm over your shoulder. The smell of something stronger than beer carried on her breath and it took everything in you not to push her away. “You want something to drink?” she asked, her words starting to slur.

“Uh, no, I’m good,” you said, wrapping the cardigan tighter around your body as the eyes of the guy that had been talking to your sister, raked over your body. “Thanks.”

“Oh, come on, (Y/N)!” she exclaimed. “Mom and Dad are gone! Live a little.”

“No,” you said firmly, slipping out of her grasp.

“Fine,” she pouted. “Be a spoilsport.”

You rolled your eyes before walking to the fridge and taking out a Cola. You popped it open, turning and surveying your house. It was filled with college kids, laughing, joking, drinking, wreaking havoc and even vomiting, you realized in horror as you saw a girl lean over and hurl the contents of her stomach onto the expensive oriental rug your mom had gotten for Christmas last year.

You just wanted to disappear. Sink into the floor or hide away in a corner until it was all over. You never understood people wanting to get wasted beyond consciousness. How were you supposed to enjoy anything if you couldn’t even remember?

You didn’t even know why you had stayed. It was a stupid idea, you thought as you slipped through the kitchen archway, taking your light jacket off the hook by the door and quickly pulling it on. You’d just go to the library like you had originally planned.

You shoved yourself through another couple making out before reaching the door. You yanked it open and stepped out, immediately running into a solid form. “Excuse me,” you mumbled before sidestepping the body and bounding down the stairs.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” a familiar voice called after you.

You stopped and turned around, finding Dean standing on the stone steps, the front door still open. “You run into my arms and then just leave?” he asked with a playful smirk on his lips. “Way to leave a guy hanging.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, a bit of your earlier distress fading away. “Didn’t think you were coming,” you said, stuffing your hands into your jacket pockets.

“Told you I’d be here,” he said with a light chuckle. Butterflies filled your stomach as he walked down the steps and sauntered up to you. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“Oh, uh,” you said, looking down and suddenly feeling very shy. “I was going to the library.”

“Just came back from there,” Dean said.

“Really?” you asked in surprise, meeting his eyes once more. “Never pegged you for the nerdy type,” you said, eyeing him playfully.

Dean nodded. “I can be when the situation calls for it,” he said with a small smile. “We can go if you want,” he added, although he sounded less than enthusiastic about making another trip.

“No, it’s okay,” you said. “We can stay here.”

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” you said with a nod. You could see his shoulders visibly relax and wondered what that was about, but you didn’t question him. “They’ve got beer,” you said, gesturing back to the house.

“Awesome,” he said as you started walking back to the house.

You followed him back through the crowd, the sea of people seeming to disperse as he fought his way through, his broad shoulders bumping into people along the way. You finally made it back to the kitchen, your sister still in the same place, talking to the same guy.

Her eyes lit up when she saw Dean. “Hey!” she exclaimed, leaving the guy standing alone as she flounced over to where you and Dean stood by the entrance. “Glad to see you could make it, Dylan!”

“Dean,” he corrected, shoving his hands into his pockets and giving her a tight-lipped smile.

“Oh, that’s right!” Leah giggled. “My bad.”

You rolled your eyes for what had to be the thousandth time as she draped herself over his shoulder. “You wanna get a drink and...maybe go upstairs?” 

Your eyes widened at her forwardness and you shot Dean a quick look, hoping he wouldn’t take her up on her offer. “Nah,” Dean said, gracefully disengaging himself from your sister’s grasp. “I think we’re gonna go hang by the pool,” he said, glancing over to you. You nodded your agreement before turning back to your sister, a look of disappointment on her face.

But in an instant her flirty smile was back. “Well, if you change your mind,” she cooed, placing her hand on his arm. “You knew where to find me.”

“Yeah,” Dean huffed out before following you to the fridge in the garage, taking out two ice cold Budweisers - the secret stash your father kept. 

“C’mon,” you said, motioning for him to the door that led to the backyard. You sighed in relief once you reached the solitude out back. There were a few people here and there, but otherwise you and Dean were alone.

You went to the edge of the pool, the water lit by the colored lights around the edges. You sat down, Dean lowering himself down next to you. 

You put your feet into the water before turning to Dean. “So what were you doing at the library?” you asked, taking a sip from your can.

“Project,” Dean said vaguely with a thin-lipped smile. 

“Oh,” you said. “What kind of project?”

“Just, uh, something my dad wanted me and Sam to work on,” Dean said.

You cocked your eyebrow. “Kinda like an assignment?” 

“Yeah, you could call it that,” he chuckled. “But enough about me for now. It’s my turn to ask you some questions,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

You laughed. “Okay, shoot.”

“I know your sister is in college…. But why aren’t you?” he asked, taking a sip of his beer. “I mean, you gotta be at least eighteen, right?”

“Making sure I’m legal?” you teased. Dean smirked, sending you a look that said maybe. You shook your head and chuckled before responding. “Nineteen actually. And to answer your question, I’m not in college because I’m not sure that’s what I want to do.”

“Why not?” Dean asked, his voice a mixture of curiosity and incredulity.

You looked down into the pool, soft waves lapping at your legs as you gently moved them through the water, carefully considering your next words. “Leah’s always been the favorite daughter,” you said with a smirk. “Always the one at the top of her class, straight A’s, outgoing, knows what she wants.”

You paused, looking off into the distance dolefully. “But me? Black sheep of the family,” you huffed, looking back at Dean. “Introverted, flighty; don’t really know what I want. I’m lucky if I even made a B- in high school. Plus, I’ve always been more of a nomad.”

“I get that,” Dean said, nodding. “Sammy’s always been more of the nerd; wanting to learn and actually striving for something more outside of...the family business,” he stuttered, and you mentally frowned at the meaning behind it before he continued. “But I’ve always followed in my father’s footsteps. It’s not that I don’t wanna do something and make a name for myself, but…. I never seem to live up to my dad’s standards, and the need to prove myself to him…. Well,” he said with a shrug, leaving the sentence unfinished.

You nodded your understanding, and you found yourself reaching out to him, placing your hand on top of his. He tensed, but he didn’t pull away, which you took as a sign to continue. “I understand. Really I do. I’ve dealt with wanting to please my parents, too,” you said. “But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you have to stay true to yourself. Even if everyone is yelling, telling you what you should do, you have to put yourself first. You have to make a stand. Otherwise you’re nothing more than a puppet.”

Dean sat for a moment, contemplating what you had said before he nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” you said with a playful wink. “I’m always right,” you added, bumping your shoulder with his.

He chuckled before squeezing your hand. “Thanks,” he said softly, his voice deepening.

“For what?” you asked.

“For telling me all that. And...just for being here,” he said, giving you a quick glance.

“It’s what I’m here for you,” you said with a smile. The music suddenly cut off and you glanced to the house, spying people shuffling out the front door. “Looks like the party’s over.”

“Yeah?” Dean asked, turning around and removing his hand from yours. You instantly missed his warmth as he got up.

You started back towards the house in silence. The realization you were going to have say goodbye to Dean once again was weighting heavily on your mind. He’d been all you had thought about since the day on the beach, and you had been looking forward to seeing him again. But now that the party was over…. You didn’t know if you should bring up the fact you wanted to hang out with him again or if he even wanted to see you after tonight.

“So I was thinkin’,” Dean said softly, slowing his gait. You looked at him out of the corner of your eye as you waited for him to continue. “I saw that there’s a carnival coming to town on Wednesday. And I was kinda wondering if...you wanted to go with me. Ya know...if you want,” he said, stopping and rubbing the back of his neck.

You smirked, looking up into his bashful face. “Like a date?” you asked, sending him a playfully coy smile.

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Like a date.”

Butterflies filled your stomach, and you fought against the excited squeal at the back of your throat. “Okay, yeah,” you said, your nonchalant tone surprising you. “Sounds good.”

Dean’s face lit up and his shoulders rose a little in confidence. “Okay, cool,” he said. “So Wednesday, 7:00 p.m.?”

“Yeah, it’s a date!” you said, smirking at your own joke.

Dean rolled his eyes but chuckled nevertheless. “Okay, awesome,” he said. “It’s a date.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading! If you liked what you read, let me know!! ❤❤

***Please do not share my content on any other platform without my consent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[mittensmorgul]

The Empty says he'll come for Cas when he's happy and I've been thinking that meant he had a heart to heart with Dean but isn't it more likely that his acceptance of his previous decisions will be what summons the Empty? He feels so much guilt for Heaven and the fall, etc. But he saw the AU and what would have happened if he'd not made his own choices. And we saw how terrified of heaven he is now, that he knows they're all shades of evil. So, maybe self forgiveness is the trigger and not Dean?

eep I have not had enough coffee for this yet… :P

Let’s start with the assumption that Cas is a multidimensional character with issues on a lot of fronts. Dean is not his sole reason for being, and not his sole emotional issue, you know?

That said, he knows the current situation in Heaven. Not only that, he knows that while he’s played a part in Heaven’s earlier problems, he’s been working harder than all the other angels put together trying to fix what’s wrong there– both as a result of his (and other angels’) actions in the past (because remember the whole apocalypse thing was NOT his idea and he has PROOF from GOD that he’s the one who kept trying to do the right thing… by the sheer fact that he was the one repeatedly resurrected, you know?) as well as now.

He’s consistently done everything in his own power to help Heaven, and aside from that one time he’d been partially taken over by the Leviathan and killed swaths of angels in “punishment” as Godstiel and that other time he was lied to and tricked into helping Metatron complete the angel fall spell (because he fully believed it would lock all the angels IN Heaven, not dump them out), Heaven’s problems really aren’t his fault, you know? There’s only so many times one angel can plead to all the others to let the past go, to accept that the world has changed, and that they either need to change with it or die…

Since then he has gone so far out of his way to try to make amends that it’s beyond ridiculous. I mean, I was just watching 11.02 a few hours ago, and even the angel who is probably Cas’s last “friend” in Heaven– Hannah– has played a part in Cas’s torture and manipulation. Cas had asked for help, and was the one angel who had a decent idea of the gravity of the situation with the Darkness, and yet even Hannah was ready to punish him in order to get Sam and Dean’s location out of him. NOT to talk with them and discover what had happened, but to punish and kill them for what they’d done.

There is no reasoning with angels. Cas had accepted that. The next time he asked for Heaven’s help (in 11.22), it was as a direct messenger of God, and he still had to beg, even when he had the authority of God behind him. So what did he really expect from Heaven? When Heaven approached HIM in 12.15, it was under the assumption that he would “repent” for what he’d done and return to them, and abandon his nonsense on Earth and with the Winchesters. But he firmly declared that no, he was doing all of this for the Winchesters. It was Heaven’s insistence they handle Dagon and Kelly their way that led to even more angel deaths.

Then they continued the same sort of campaign in s13– first attempting to kill Jack and then not letting anything stand in their way to capturing Jack to use his powers to “fix” Heaven. Dumah tried to ask for Cas’s help in “convincing” Jack to essentially be their magical little slave, but the truth was that the angels selfishly wanted to use Jack like some sort of battery, and not like a person. Which is honestly horrific.

I think that meeting his alternate version in the AU was more about understanding the differences between what he COULD have been versus what he IS. I don’t think it’s a matter of him realizing that Heaven is “evil” or corrupt or just flat-out wrong. Those were things he already knew. It was more about him being able to take his destiny into his own hands quite literally. Killing his AU self who’d been brainwashed and damaged beyond all recognition, precisely because he was never forced to consider free will, isn’t just about Dean having been the one to keep that door open for him, you know? Yes, the entire process never would’ve begun without Dean, but on every other level that mattered, the choices and actions came down to what Castiel chose for himself. Killing his AU self was entirely about him. They were even alone in that scene, you know? That was about Cas himself facing this. Not about proving Heaven was evil, or would torture him into compliance, or even about the fact that Dean had essentially saved him from that fate. It was about HIM, and what breaking free of Heaven’s control had finally allowed him to become. Which seems like a subtle difference, because yes Dean has been the catalyst (repeatedly, over the last ten years, opening the door in the first place and then continuing to support him to the point where he’s irrevocably become A Winchester himself in every way that matters, through trials and hard times as well as through successes), but the important thing to remember is that Cas could’ve chosen a different path at any point (like he did in s6), and yet over and over he continued to choose free will, even when he wasn’t sure it was the right thing, and even when he didn’t get it quite right. Reducing all of that to be “because Dean” is kinda reductive.

Obviously this summary here is seriously glossing over a lot. This is in no way everything that’s happened here, but just a quick lil refresher leading up to what I’m about to say… which is:

Cas has been making his peace with Heaven, and with himself, for a really long time. He’s even (shockingly) been given a sort of absolution from Naomi of all people, back in 13.19 when she walked him to the door and let him go. Then in 14.08 she acknowledged that Cas’s motives may not have been putting Heaven first in taking the actions he did to save them from the Empty Entity, which in itself is a sort of forgiveness or acceptance of who Cas is, and she also specifically THANKED him.

Naomi, at least (and probably Dumah) are now beginning to understand Cas and the fact he hasn’t been “working against Heaven” all this time, but searching for a better way, balancing the needs and wants of Heaven with the needs and wants of humanity on Earth. Because it’s never been “us or them,” as SO many angels have been convinced of over the years. This is not a black and white issue, on any level.

So when it comes to what could make Cas perfectly happy, what would trigger his deal with the empty, I think it must first and foremost be about Cas himself.

Even having Heaven’s forgiveness and acceptance wasn’t enough to trigger the deal. Even saving Jack wasn’t enough. Even reunited with the Winchesters as a family wasn’t enough. Because while I feel that yes, Dean will of course play a major part in Cas achieving that happiness, because Dean has ALWAYS been the major trigger for ALL of Cas’s growth over the years, it wouldn’t be as simplistic as some romantic declaration, you know? Because Cas as a character is so much more than that.

But since you asked me what I thought of this, I’m gonna tell you.

I’m not entirely sure it will ever come to this. I’m not sure they won’t find some other resolution to Cas’s deal before it comes to them laying out Cas’s happiness trigger on the table that blatantly, you know?

Not to mention, this is the sort of speculation I personally hate, because it’s based on the assumption that we’re looking at this from the right direction. And we literally have no way to know if we’re somehow obsessing over the entirely wrong thing, or interpreting it correctly.

Right now, this entire question and response is grounded on unstable foundations. It’s nothing more than a theoretical exercise, because we have no way to know what will actually be important by the end of the season. I can suggest that thematically and from a character perspective this will come down to Cas’s choices and his own opinion of himself, and that Dean will likely play a role as a catalyst in making his choice. But outside of that… I’m not even sure if the rest of this will ever actually be relevant in the first place. Because we’ve made the ASSUMPTION that we’re correct in believing this must come down to some sort of confrontation between Cas and the Empty, or that we will definitively have a singular moment of Absolute Happiness with unqualified certitude that it was One Singular Thing that sparked Cas’s doom. And that’s just… not how this works. At least not from the speculation side of things.

I mean, this is an interesting question from a purely theoretical standpoint, because it was interesting enough to me to spend the last two hours typing this nonsense up. But outside of this reply having been an interesting thought exercise for me, I don’t think there’s really any conclusion to be made. I think the question is unanswerable, because we don’t even know yet if canon will bear it out as a valid question in the first place, you know?

I really hope that makes sense. It’s just frustrating to me that there’s even this hemming and hawing over speculation like this, as if it has to be Destiel or Not-Destiel, and those are the only two valid assumptions going forward. Because that assumption negates all of this ^^, that yes of course it is all about Cas and his choices and being able to forgive himself and hopefully understand himself enough to make those choices about who and what he wants to be, but you literally cannot divorce Dean’s presence in Cas’s life and his influence in every one of Cas’s choices over the last almost 11 years from what Cas inevitably will choose for himself. 

I’m not saying that Cas will choose xyz thing because of Dean’s influence (hur hur), or because Dean pushed him into choosing it. Cas’s story arc is still primarily about HIM, just like Dean’s is primarily about Dean, and Sam’s is primarily about Sam. That’s how main characters function in a narrative, you know? But they also don’t function in a vacuum. What makes up the narrative is how each of the characters relate to the others, and how all of their choices are influenced by and consequently affect the others.

So at the very root, I think the question is looking to establish some false duality that it must be one or the other thing, that one of these things will be The Truth™ and will therefore negate or invalidate the other. And that’s just… not how this works. I think that really does a disservice to Castiel as a character, reducing him to a plot device when this has literally been his character arc since s4, made essential to the ongoing narrative structure since at least s8

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 10x03: “Soul Survivor”

The purification of the blood.

Sam went to the careful lengths of getting Dean’s blood type.

“Sam, I know you think you’re gonna try and fix me, but … did it ever occur to you that maybe I don’t want to be fixed?” He heard you the first 10 times.

“Sammy … You know I hate shots.”

“I hate demons.”

OOOHHH TELL HIM SAM.

Good lord, that’s scary.

“How are you holding up?”

“Fine.”

“You say you’re fine, but you don’t … look fine.”

Yeah, it’s a human thing.

“It’s what the humans do. They say they’re fine. And even if I—I don’t look it, you say I look well, and that way, we avoid talking about something we can do nothing about.” Cas understands us very well.

“I worry about you.” Someone has to.

...the demon getting cured would be my answer.

El Sol.

“It is possible that you can have your revenge. I mean, hell, it’s possible you can have pretty much anything you want.” Damn it, Sam.

Winchesters really like to use bait.

Pfft, Sam’s Hermione moment.

That’s how Sam got that demon from the season premiere.

“Oh, and so you know, I killed Lester myself. And that wife of his married the tattooed guy.” Happy endings all around.

“Wow. You might actually be worse than me!” Okay, that’s a stretch buddy.

“Let me ask you this, Sammy: If this doesn’t work, we both know what you got to do to me, right? You got the stomach for that, Sam?!” No.

Freaking President Snow demon is here.

Crowley’s tracking Cas.

Which leads to memories of  Dean...

“Your misadventure with the older Winchester was quite the topic of speculation.” I can only imagine how that gossip was like.

“I, too, love to party. And I do love the ladies. And the classic rock-and-roll. Most importantly, I could debauch by your side without being a personal embarrassment.” Pfft.

RIP demon. Killed by Crowley.

“Sorry, I … missed another turn. I have no idea where the main road is.” Hannah has no sense of freaking direction.

“These things—they’re so confining and primitive.” Ha, it’s almost what Cas said about cars in S5.

Watch the hand, sister.

Dean passed out.

“There’s no point in trying to bring your brother back now.”

“Oh, I will bring him back.“

“In fact, your uh… guilt-ridden, weight-of-the-world bro has been M.I.A. for quite some time now. But I’m loving the new model: Lean, mean, Dean.”

Nooo, I don’t want to hear this from Michael!Dean, I will die.

“Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!” We’re really going there????

“This is me yanking your lame ass out of the fire. You’re welcome.” !!

RIP demon. Killed by another demon.

lol

What a statement.

RIP demon. Burned alive.

“Um, Hannah. You know, this—this road we’re on… It—it’s dangerous.”

“All right.”

“Um… We can’t afford to lose our way...No detours of any kind.”  

Get freaking rekt.

“Getting to Dean and hunting these rogues … I—I’m not at full capacity, so I … we n-need total focus.”

“Like a laser. Got it.”

“Just … I’ve been around humans for long enough to see how easily distractions occur.”

“’Distractions’.”

“Emotions, feelings … They’re dangerous temptations.”

y i k e s

“I just … I’m trying to keep our priorities clear.”

“Not to worry, then. I’m very clear on my priorities. And yours.”

Well that was uncomfortable.

RIP store clerk. Killed by an angel.

Adina’s back.

“I will kill you, Castiel. But very, very slowly so your—your honeybunch can watch. Sound good?” Try it, bitch.

WELL COME ON HANNAH DO SOMETHING.

Back to Dean’s room.

Family photos.

My only question is, why hasn’t anyone taken a photo of Cas yet?

Shit.

“You should have left us alone.” No kidding.

RIP Adina. Killed by Crowley.

The Bunker standoff. I love this scene.

Crowley saves Cas so he can take care of Deanmon.

“I’m not sentimental.” You sure ‘bout that?

Great use of lighting there.

“All that blood you pumped into me to make me human… Well. The less demon I was, the less the cuffs worked. And that Devil’s Trap? Well, I just walked right across it. It smarted, but still.” Just proof that the treatment is working.

Smart trap.

You might want to back away from the door, Sam.

Kinda like Soulless!Sam in S6.

Cas is currently hauling ass and he needs to hurry.

You can pinpoint the moment Sam sees Cas coming in.

Aloha, Cowboy.

“What the hell are we doing to him, Cas? I mean, even after I gave him all that blood, he still said he didn’t want to be cured, that he didn’t want to be human.”

“Well… I see his point. You know, only humans can feel real joy, but … also such profound pain.”

I say the joy makes it worth it.

It’s him. 

“You look worried, fellas.”

Hello, Dean. I missed you.

“You realize one problem is solved, but one still remains. Dean is no longer a demon, that’s true. But the Mark of Cain… that, he still has. And sooner or later, that’s going to be an issue.” Let’s just celebrate this, pls.

“You know what, Cas? I’m beat, man. One battle at a time, you know? So I’m just gonna go grab my brother some cholesterol. And then, I’m gonna get drunk.” lmao. You deserve it.

“You look terrible.” Pfft.

“You know, it wouldn’t kill you to lie every now and again.”

“No, it wouldn’t kill me.”

Too literal Cas.

Hannah’s just chilling outside?

“Hey, maybe you should um … take some time before you get back to work. Allow yourself to heal. It’s, uh … I don’t know. The timing might be right. Heaven and Hell—they seem reasonably back in order. It’s quiet out there.”

Cas suggested the break.

Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Our queen!

RIP 2 men. Killed by Rowena.