#Roxy brings it up before they’re interrupted

[offkilterkeys]

i imagine you have a vault of unreleased content that you don't get around to posting for relatable reasons. if you do i humbly ask that you grace me with something. anything! close your eyes and pick a file? let fate decide. if you made it i'll like it, that's the point anyway

I’ve posted some panels or pieces of these but never the entire sequence on here I don’t think, so but this is one of the only substantial things I’d say I’ve kept in a vault.

I feel like compared to my newer stuff these look super rough, but they were really good practice.

These have pesterlogs that go with them but this post is already huge so eh. This was set to occur a couple hours after Caliborn’s masterpiece, so Roxy and Dirk are talking about Halquius’s heroic sacrifice/death. Davepeta and Dirk continue that line of conversation, while Roxy is pulled into an argument about self control as I bum everyone out by reminding them that Jasprose never actual stopped being an alcoholic.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Bloody Valentines

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Young Justice 98, Titans, GL Corps, Legion of Super Heroes, Flashfam, New Gods, Shadowpact, Superfam

Summary: 90s vampire slasher AU

Chapters: 9/?

Characters: Dick Grayson, Joseph Wilson, Jason Todd, Charley Parker, Zatanna, Eddie Bloomberg, Daniel Cassidy, Chester Williams DC, Guy Gardner, Kyle Rayner, Lilith Clay, Raven Roth, Kole Weathers, Bette Kane, Donna Troy, Roy Harper, Jenni Ognats, Bart Allen, Virgil Hawkins, Richie Foley, Ayla Ranzz, Zoe Saugin, Rol Purtha, Darla Aquista, Lori Zechlin, Hal Jordan, Helen Jordan II, Orion DC, Lightray DC, Jonathan Lane Kent, Conner Kent, Mia Kent, Roxy Leech, Kara Danvers, Chris Kent, Thara Ak-Var, Match DC, Thaddeus Thawne

Relationships: DickJoey, Daniel Cassidy/Zatanna, DonnaRoy, Jenni Ognats/Virgil Hawkins, Raven/Lilith Clay, Lightrion, MatchThad

Additional Tags: POV First Person, Unreliable Narrator(s), Vampires, No Capes AU, 90s Slasher AU, Homoeroticism, Horror, Slasher

Chapter Nine: The First Blood (Laney's POV)

Kara wanted to take us on a family trip like the El family did in the old country. Mom and Dad were out of town with Jon, so it was my sister, my brothers, their partners, and me. My little brother, Chris’s girlfriend from the Kryptonian cultural club at his high school. They’re old-fashioned, cute high school sweethearts. Sugary-sweet and almost nauseatingly innocent. They’ve been friends since they were twelve, and this is their first real trip as more than friends. I was surprised her parents let her go, but our family was famous back home in Krypton. 

Conner didn’t bring a date, but he did bring Roxy. She saved his life when he needed a kidney a few years ago. Now, Roxy’s our honorary sister. She also happens to be a cop. Or a cop in training. They whispered the whole car ride about something, but I couldn’t hear. It seemed like they were arguing. 

Match came with his weird little blonde boyfriend. He came out to Mom and Dad last year, so we couldn’t judge his partners. Between you and me, I don’t think anyone would mind him dating boys if he didn’t pick such strange guys. Oh… His boyfriend’s name is Thad. And I know we call my brother Match or whatever, but his name is Max. Match is just a nickname. His boyfriend’s given name was Thaddeus. I’m not judging the guy, but he could’ve been more friendly when he met us.

Kara, Mia, and I didn’t bring anyone, which was nice. We took turns driving, but Roxy had to take over for good after sunset. She was the only one who could see in the dense darkness and the rain. The rest of us wore glasses. And in Thara and Chris’s case, they were too young to drive. Roxy wasn’t the safest driver, so I sat in the back with the kids, and they fell asleep on either side of me. I nearly nodded off before Roxy hit something with the station wagon. I heard a whine or a screech, and Conner gasped awake. “What happened?” I asked. 

“Conner, I think I hit something—.” 

“I’m Laney,” I answered. Oh, yeah. Match, Conner, and I are identical triplets. I don’t feel like we’re that identical. Conner always kept his hair curly and had earrings. Match is bulkier than both of us. And me… I almost lost complete sight in my left eye after a fight our sophomore year, so it was duller and weaker than my right one. “What’d you hit?” I was almost angry because it scared me awake. 

“I don’t know. I’ll get out and see—.” 

“It’s pitch black out there. I’ll get out and look,” Conner interrupted. I climbed from the backseat and followed Conner out. Conner covered his mouth and turned away. 

“Don’t throw up,” I warned him. Conner was the most sensitive of the three of us. He cried at movies and lived for the sake of romance while being the coolest of us. But he was no help when it came to things like this. “Conner, look at me. Do not—.” Conner gagged. “Stop.” 

“It’s still alive,” Conner whimpered. 

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Go get Match,” I replied. Conner obeyed. I was the oldest of the three of us. It was me, then Conner, and Match. Match was a surprise. Match got out of the car and gave me a pair of gloves. “What are—?” 

Match put his gloves on and pointed toward the injured animal in the road. I followed him. When we approached the animal, a car stopped in the middle of the road and offered to help. “No, thanks! Can you get around?” I asked. He nodded and got in his car. “Come on, Match. We gotta move this dog out of the road—.”

“No… Coyote,” Match whispered. I took my pocket knife out and shut my eyes. I had to do it a few times before when we were kids. I didn’t like to talk about it. “Laney?” 

“I’m okay. Let’s get it out of the road,” I commanded. We carried it to the side of the road, took off our gloves, and got in the car. Conner glanced at us and pressed his palms to his eyelids. “Don’t you dare throw up in this car.” I didn’t like vomit… Okay? 

“Was it quick?” Conner asked. 

“Yeah. Let’s go,” I answered. Roxy nodded and kept on the path to our cabin. Match and Thad got the master bedroom. The girls shared a room, and I shared a room with Conner and Chris. Our room had three beds, so we didn’t have to share one. I went straight to bed, but the thunderstorm woke me up. Actually… Chris woke me up. He shoved me awake. Chris didn’t mean to be rough. He was always unnaturally strong for a little kid. 

“What’s the matter?” I whispered. 

“Well—. Laney, can I—?” Chris jolted when lightning struck, and I nodded. 

“Get in. It’s okay,” I replied, “It’s alright.” He lay his head on my shoulder, and I kissed his forehead. I wasn’t soft with anyone but him. “Hey, it’s okay. One-one-thousand… Two-one-thousand. Three-one-thousand. Four-one-thousand—.” Thunder and lightning. Chris turned toward me. “It’s alright. Lay down. I’ve got you.” 

Chris scrunched down in the bed. It wasn’t until he closed his eyes that I realized… Conner wasn’t in his bed. “Chris? Christopher? Christopher, where’s Conner?” I asked. 

“I don’t know… Conner was leaving when I woke up,” Chris whispered, “I thought he had to go to the bathroom or somethin’.” 

“Alright… Well, I guess Conner will be back in a little while,” I replied, “Go on. Go to sleep.” 

I lay awake, waiting for Conner. It was almost thirty minutes before Conner returned, soaking wet. “Conner? Conner, what the hell are you doing?” I asked. I was careful not to wake Chris.

“I don’t—.” Conner shivered, and I left the bed to look for a towel to wrap around him. “I don’t remember. Laney, don’t tell anyone, please.” 

“I won’t… Go shower and put something warm on,” I commanded. There was a time when Conner was the confident one. I don’t know what happened to him, but I miss the bubbly person he used to be. He was still the same old Conner to everyone else, but they don’t know him like I do. It’s fake. Something changed when we were teenagers. 

Oh! The sleepwalking. That was new. Conner started climbing out of bed in the middle of the night a few weeks before our trip. We lived together, so I knew his comings and goings. He didn’t want anyone to worry about him because the one thing you don’t want to be in a family with six kids is the kid with issues. To be fair, though… We were born with our fair share of problems. 

No one thought we’d make it when we were born. We were misdiagnosed with a terminal illness, poked and prodded for years until a doctor found out what was wrong. It was rare but treatable… Which meant the years of painful tests and hospital stays were pointless. We came out of it okay, but there was permanent damage for all of us. It messed up my central nervous system, and sometimes I shake. I don’t know why, but I do. Conner’s kidneys were fucked… And Match. He died and came back. He had it the worst. When he was dead, he ended up with permanent brain damage. Or at least we think it’s permanent. Match had years of speech therapy before he could form sentences again… And even then, it’s no more than two or three words at a time. Anyway… I waited for Conner to return from his shower. I made him sleep beside me. I didn’t make a fuss because he was upset, but I insisted quietly. Conner wrapped his arms around my right arm. I wouldn’t have slept if he didn’t.

[cacoetheswriting]

champagne problems, ch.1

Spencer is in love with you, but you’re engaged to someone else. 

Chapter One: Bloodsport: You announce your engagement to the team, shattering Spencer's heart. A/N: chapter is titled after this song if you want to listen while reading. Word Count: 2.3k Warnings: mild cursing, heartbreak, unrequited / unreciprocated love, very angsty, this series is going to be a real slow burn babyyy

series masterlist

-

Today was like any other day.

You woke up at your usual time to the sound of your alarm. You had coffee, and a quick bite to eat while aimlessly scrolling through the social media apps on your phone. You showered, brushed your teeth, got dressed, did your makeup. And when it was time to leave, you walked out the front door locking it behind you, hopped in your car, and drove to work. 

Today was like any other day. Except that it wasn’t. 

Today wasn't like any other day because while you carried out all of your menial morning tasks, you felt a little heavier. Rather your hand did. 

It was your birthday a couple of days ago. And while you had planned to spend with your boyfriend, Ethan, the universe had other plans and you were stuck out of town on a case. You weren’t mad about it, it was your job after all, and Ethan understood. His work hours were also unreliable.  

Plus you got to celebrate with the other people that mattered the most to you in world; your team. It may have not been they day you had envisioned, because who wants to spend their birthday at a gloomy prescient looking over gruesome crime scene photos, but your team made it special. Takeout, gallons of coffee, and shortly before midnight they surprised you with cake - which Luke slipped up was all Spencer’s idea. 

Little did you know the surprises would continue upon your return home. Ethan, down on one knee in the middle of your living room, surrounded by candles and about a dozen bouquets of roses.  

You took a deep breath before getting out of your car, and heading inside the building. Knowing your sudden engagement would come as a shock to the people you worked with, your second family, you were quite anxious about telling them. You were worried about how they would react. They didn't really know Ethan. They only met him a total of three times throughout the duration of your relationship meaning all the information they possessed was what you had told them - which in reality wasn’t all that much.  

Sitting down at your desk, you kept your hand on your lap. As usual you were the first to arrive meaning you had some time to figure out exactly how you were going to go about this. Your gut feeling was to tell Spencer first. You owed him at least that much giving everything the two of you had been through. 

But once again the universe had other plans. 

“Good morning sunshine!”, Garcia chimed as she crossed the bullpen. “It is so lovely to see your beautiful beautiful face. How was Scottsdale?” She asked stopping beside your desk. “You know, apart from all the murder.” 

“Uhm, it was-” 

“Wait! Before you answer me.” She interrupted while reaching into her handbag. “I wanted to give you this.” Seconds later she retrieved a gift, wrapped perfectly in glittery pink paper with a bright bow tied around it. “Happy Birthday!” 

“Penelope, you didn't have to.” 

“Shush now, of course I did.” She smiled. “Come on. Take it, take it.” 

Which is exactly what you did; completely forgetting about the two carat diamond that now graced your ring finger. 

The shriek that came out of Garcia’s mouth was enough to make you remember. But before you could snatch your hand back, hide it on your lap once again, she grabbed it and the ever so present smile on her face widened even more. 

“Oh my god! Oh my god!”, Garcia was jumping now, her hand still gripping yours as she examined the ring. “When did this happen? How did this happen? Oh I have so many questions!” Another excited shriek escaped her lips. “I’m going to hug you now, and then you’re going to tell me everything!” 

Garcia let your hand fall before bending down slightly to wrap her arms tightly around you. “Congratulations honey, this is so exciting!” She swayed the two of you side to side.

“What’s exciting?” Luke’s voice caused the two of you to break apart. 

“Well newbie, you should invest in a tux.” Penelope beamed. 

“I have a tux.” Luke furrowed his brows, slightly confused. “Wait, what?” He glanced between you and Garcia, waiting for an explanation. 

Taking in a quick breath, you got to your feet and lifted your hand to show him the ring. “Ethan proposed last night.”

Luke’s jaw fell open. “Holy smokes! Congratulations Y/N!” Dropping his bag to the floor, he pulled you into a quick embrace. “That’s huge news. I’m so happy for you.” 

Penelope cleared her throat. “I think you mean we are all happy for her.” Luke chuckled and rolled his eyes at the blonde. “Yes, yes.” 

One by one the team arrived. One by one you shared your news, and one by one they each congratulated you. 

Matt joked about giving him a hefty amount of notice so he could organise a babysitter. Luke asked how you’d feel if his date was Roxy. Dave offered his house as a possible venue; ”Won’t be the first wedding I host kid.”. While Tara, JJ, Emily, and Garcia were deep in discussion about organising your bridal shower.

In the midst of all the chaos you hadn't even realised that one person was missing. The person who’s reaction might not be as cheery as the rest of the group currently huddled around you.

Spencer was late for work. He cursed under his breath while waiting for the elevator. He didn't like to be late. Which is why it didn't happen often. Not because time-keeping overall was important to him. No. He made sure to arrive early each day because it was the only time of day he got to spend with you. Alone. 

It was the only time of day he had you all to himself.

As selfish as it may seem, it was the truth. Although he would never admit it to anyone because that would mean admitting his true feelings. And he couldn't do that. He had his chance. He blew it. Maybe he would get another in the future, he secretly hoped he would, but for now those interrupted mornings with you had to suffice. 

The brunette agent immediately noticed the team gathered at your desk. He thought the worst, but was quickly reassured you were okay when your honey-like laughter filled the bullpen. The sound was music to his ears. If he could, he’d listen to you laugh all day.

“So are you going to keep us guessing forever?” Tara asked intrigued. “How did Ethan do it?” 

Garcia clapped her hands. “Yes, tell us. Was it romantic? Oh, who am I kidding of course it was romantic. All proposals are.” 

Proposals? Spencer shook the thought away. No, he must have heard that incorrectly.

“Did he get down on one knee?” JJ asked with a smile. 

“I gotta give it to Ethan though cause that ring looks expensive. Being a surgeon must be nice.” Luke noted, causing Garcia to smack his bicep. “What?” He retorted shrugging his shoulders. “It’s just an observation.” “Keep your observations to yourself newbie.” 

“Why don’t we let Y/N breathe for a second?” Rossi chimed in. “I’ll treat everyone to lunch later and she can tell us the story then.” He suggested, glancing between the team. Everyone nodded in unison and scattered; just as Spencer approached. 

The second your gaze landed on him, you noticed the solemn look spread across his face. A sick feeling spread through you and you quickly wondered just how much he overheard. 

“Good morning doctor.” You greeted him, your lips pursed into a half-smile. 

“Good morning.” Spencer replied without looking at you. 

“How are you?” You asked as he took off his bag and placed it on the desk beside him. “I wondered where you were this morning.” You added, making conversation.

Spencer didn't respond. He couldn't bring himself to say anything. He couldn't even bare to meet your eyes; which were currently burning a hole into the side of his head. 

While he thought he misheard Garcia say something about proposals, he definitely heard JJ’s question and Luke mention Ethan, and the ring. Spencer usually stirred away from making assumptions, but this time all the evidence was there. He didn't have to ask. He knew. You were engaged. 

“Can-” You cleared your throat. “Can we go somewhere private and talk? I have something I need to tell you.”

“I can’t now.” He rasped. Before you got a chance to protest, the brunette doctor turned on his heel and rushed away. 

The reason he dashed away was you. Your engagement. He figured it out, overheard it, and now he needed to process this new information. You should have let him go, do it alone. You knew you shouldn't have followed him, that it would only make things worse, but you couldn't help yourself. There was a time where you thought Spencer was the love of your life. That the two of you would be getting married. And even though that didn't work out...

You grabbed his arm and using all of your strength you pulled him to a halt. The brunette doctor ran a hand through his already ruffled hair as you stepped in front of him. 

“Spencer, can we talk about this?” You asked, your hand falling back down to your side. “There is nothing to talk about Y/N.” Spencer huffed. “You’re engaged. I’m happy for you.” There was a distinct hurt in his voice. 

“This isn’t how I thought you would find out. I wanted you to be the first one to know but-” “It doesn’t matter Y/N.” He interrupted. 

“It matters to me Spencer.” 

“Why?” He asked in an ominous tone. His eyes darkened. “We broke up a long time ago. You don't owe me anything.” “Our breakup has nothing to do with this.” You protested. Spencer scoffed. “I don’t believe you. You’re not chasing down any of the other members of our team.” “Yeah, because they’re all genuinely happy for me.”

“You don't think I’m happy for you?”

“I know you're not.” 

Silence. Heavy-sitting, unbearable silence. The two of you simply stared at each other as if fighting an inaudible argument. Blood pressure rising, your heart was now hammering in your chest and you were sure he was even angrier than you.

Perhaps that last sentence came out harsher then you intended it to, but in your eyes it was the truth. Spencer had every right not to be happy for you. In fact, a large part of you expected him to react badly which is also another reason why you wanted him to be the first to know. 

You were right of course, you just didn't know it. 

The pain in his chest was insufferable. The jealousy, the anger, the sorrow. All of those feelings mixed inside of him and spread through his body like wildfire. He thought he was heartbroken before, back when you first started dating Ethan, but he was dead wrong. His head was spinning. He felt nauseous. It was hard to breathe. This was heartbreak.

See, Spencer was there when you and Ethan first met. Which in his mind made all of this so much worse. The team was working a local case, and the brunette agent got hurt. Not severely, but it was enough to make everyone worry so you volunteered to drive him to the hospital. While Spencer got checked out, you went to fetch him some jell-o. When you returned about twenty minutes later, you weren't alone anymore. 

You never told anyone the full story. Just that the surgeon spotted you in the cafeteria, and asked you out for coffee. Honestly, there wasn't much more to it than that. Well, apart from the tiny detail that your initial thought was to decline Ethan’s offer because you were secretly hoping to get back together with the brunette agent. 

The only reason you said yes to Ethan all those months ago was because he was a surgeon, and with both of your hectic schedules combined you never thought it would progress any further than that one coffee date. But it did. And overtime you moved on from Spencer, and learned to love the surgeon. The feeling isn't quite the same, but Ethan makes you feel good and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. Right?

“What do you want me to say Y/N?” Spencer asked, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence. “Do you want to hear how I think you’re rushing into this? Do you want me to tell you I think Ethan is bad for you? That you can do better?” Pause. “It’s not like my opinion will change anything.” 

You opened your mouth to say something but no words came out. Spencer sighed. “You’re engaged now. You’re going to marry Ethan, and I’m respecting your choice.” 

The look that spread across Spencer’s face was pure sadness. He tried not to show it, but you could read him like an open book. He was in pain. He was in pain and there was nothing you could possibly do that would in any way help him or make him feel any better.

“We both moved on Y/N. You deserve to be happy, even if I think the guy is a jerk.” Spencer stated. It was harsh, he knew that, but in his defence it wasn't entirely true. Yes, he thought Ethan was an ass but it was primarily because Spencer loved you still, and he knew he would continue to love you until the end of his days. In his eyes, Ethan didn't deserve you.

And Spencer tried to get over you. Once he knew that you and Ethan were serious, he really tried to get over you. Yet nothing he did worked; it is as if you are imbedded deep in his soul. If he was a selfish man, he would let you stay there forever making it your permanent home. But Spencer Reid wasn't selfish, far from it. And now you were engaged to someone that wasn't him. He had to cut the cord. Even if the feeling was going to crush him. 

“The only thing we share now is our work Y/N, nothing more.” And with that the brunette doctor walked away leaving you feeling lost, confused and slightly hurt. 

You at least thought he considered you a friend.

Loving you is a bloodsport. Fighting in a love war.

-

A/N: starting off the new year right with this angsty mini-series. honestly, i couldn't get the idea out of my head over the holidays so i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i am currently enjoying writing it! hope you liked the first chapter. i’d love to hear your feedback and what you think will happen next! if you would like to be added to a taglist, please let me know. thank you for your continuous support. with love, mal. x

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[spencers-renaissance]

Foolishly, Completely Falling

Summary: Spencer declines to spend the night with Luke, but there's a reason for that, and things start to click into place when Spencer shows back up at his doorstep at 2am, hours after being dropped home.

Tags: hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, past toxic relationship, nightmares, est/dev relationship

Pairing: Luke x Spencer

Word count: 2.5k

Read on AO3

When Luke asks Spencer if he wants to stay the night for the first time, he isn’t as quick to agree like Luke expects. The TV is playing a game show on low volume and they’re lying comfortably together on the sofa, quietly enjoying one another’s company after a busy day. They’d had a lovely evening out at the Mexican restaurant Luke had managed to convince Spencer to try before a cuddle and far too much making out on the sofa, so he’s feeling pretty good when he whispers the question into his boyfriend’s ear. Instead of the excited agreement he expects, though -- after all, the first night in the same bed with a new partner is always exhilarating -- Spencer freezes. 

“Hey,” Luke says, tone quickly sobering up. He shifts a little to get a better look at his boyfriend’s face, worried he’d said the wrong thing. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, baby. We can just cuddle a little longer and then I’ll drive you home, yeah? Whatever you want.”

The kind voice he uses seems to slowly shake Spencer out of his frozen trance, gradually pulling himself up from the quicksand of his thoughts to respond to Luke. “No, I want to,” he explains slowly, thankful Luke is so patient when he tries to articulate complicated feelings. “There’s just… it’s because-- I don’t know how to tell you.” He sighs in defeat as he fails to tell his boyfriend how he feels, slumping down a little as he relaxes his previously stiffened muscles, collapsing into the warmth and safety of Luke’s chest. 

“You don’t have to justify it, Spencer,” Luke says earnestly, running his hands up and down Spencer’s arms gently as his face contorts with worry, a small sense of relief coming from the feeling of his boyfriend physically relaxing under his touch. He can’t help but feel a sinking pit of fear in his stomach that maybe he’s made a massive misstep, maybe Spencer isn’t as into this as he is, maybe there’s something really, really wrong.

Instead of voicing his concerns, though, he simply revels in the moment: Spencer’s head on his chest, his body flush against his own as their breathing syncs and they take in the last few moments of peace before the world switches back on and they have to part ways. 

If only he could stop his tumbling mind and enjoy it properly. 

★

Spencer seems mostly recovered from the awkward moment by the time they clamber into Luke’s car to drive him back home. He’s barely switched the engine on before Spencer is telling him about the technology of contactless keys and how they were invented, the dangers they present to society as well as the vulnerability they have to hacking before going on a tangent about a factory in Ireland that accidentally discovered a serious technological advancement. He’s chattering away happily in the passenger seat, and the tension Luke still holds in his shoulders dissipates as he listens to him ramble about things he cares about. 

It’s hard to focus on the road, really, when Spencer chooses to be so utterly adorable. He can’t keep his eyes off him when he’s passionately lecturing somebody about something everyone else finds insignificant or confusing and he finds endlessly fascinating. The team makes fun of him constantly for the way he stares at his boyfriend, and he’s not overly fond of the new nickname ‘moon eyes’ that he can’t seem to shake, but it won’t stop him from appreciating Spencer’s knowledge, making sure he knows Luke supports him no matter what. He knows that he gets shut down far too often, that people appreciate him for his intellect only when it’s valuable to him, and he’ll be damned if he ever makes him feel that way. 

He listens dutifully the whole drive back to Spencer’s apartment, managing to drive safely despite the distraction, and he can’t suppress the laugh at the surprised look colouring Spencer’s face once he sees they’ve arrived. He goes into a little bubble when he’s info-dumping, only coming out of it when there’s a significant change in his environment, but Luke can’t stop the fondness from spreading through his body as if it’s the first time he’s ever seen Spencer make that face. 

“We’re here,” Spencer observes, a slightly sheepish look spreading across his features. 

Luke absolutely cannot accept that so he leans across the console to press a deep and loving kiss to his lips, startling Spencer out of his embarrassment as he kisses back with just as much vigour. “You want me to walk you up?” Luke asks as he pulls away, bringing a hand to Spencer’s face to gently brush a few curls off his forehead.

“I’m good,” Spencer smiles, looking adoringly at Luke. If he was a more acrimonious man he’d be annoyed that everyone misses the matching looks Spencer sends his way, but there’s something special about them being just for him, like there’s a little bit of him he gets to keep just for himself. He’ll take that over Spencer getting teased even more any day. 

“Okay, baby.” He leans in to give him another kiss, quickly this time, before leaning up to peck his forehead, too. “You sleep well. If we’re not called in tomorrow I’ll swing by and we can do something together, how does that sound?”

“Perfect,” Spencer says softly. He puts his hand on top of Luke’s and caresses his knuckles gently, and for a second Luke is convinced he’s about to say something but he decides against it, settling on a soft smile before he’s clumsily climbing out of the car and walking towards the elevator into the building. 

The shy wave Spencer gives him just as the elevator doors close is enough to keep his heart warm through winter. 

★

Luke heads straight to bed as soon as he gets back home, switching off all the lights and getting ready in the bathroom before slipping between the sheets. It’s barely 11 but he’s exhausted from a busy day at work followed by the date he’d had with Spencer and he can feel the exhaustion tugging at his limbs. He’d hoped that he would be cuddled against a warm body tonight, and Spencer’s absence makes the bed feel so cold, even with Roxy warming his feet. 

Eventually, he manages to slip off to sleep, though, because he’s woken up not long after by Roxy leaping off the bed and whining at his bedroom door, startling him awake. “Roxy?” he asks, immediately on high alert. “What’s wrong, girl?” He sleepily pushes the covers off him, exposing himself to the frigid air of his apartment as he contemplates reaching for his gun when he hears it. There’s a tentative knock at the door, probably not the first, far too quiet to have woken him up if he hadn’t had Roxy. He jumps into action and pulls a t-shirt on as he walks to his front door, flicking on the lights as he goes, not wanting to trip over anything in the dark. 

It’s Spencer. He’s standing there looking nothing short of distraught as he wrings his hands nervously in front of him, that sheepish, embarrassed look Luke had been so desperate to kiss away earlier returned in full force. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, looking close to tears. “I just, I didn’t know where to go… usually I go to JJ’s but Henry and Michael are staying with Penelope tonight so she and Will could have a proper date night again and I didn’t want to interrupt but I didn’t want to be alone so I thought that maybe… maybe it would be okay if I came to see you, but I’m sorry if--”

“Hey,” Luke gently intercepts Spencer’s rambling with a careful hand on his waist and a step closer. “Why don’t you come in?”

It’s a bit of a shock to see his boyfriend on his doorstep only hours after he’d dropped him off, especially since he’s clearly in quite a state, a very different Spencer to the one who had kissed him deeply and waved him goodbye earlier in the evening, but Luke doesn’t want to do another thing until Spencer is happy again, feeling safe and comforted. He’s going to try damn hard to do that for him. 

“I’m sorry, Luke,” he apologises again, voice tight and anxious, eyes glassy as he follows him inside and hesitantly sits next to him on the sofa. “I should have asked before turning up here and I’m sure I woke you up. God, I’m such an idiot sometimes, I should just--”

“Spencer,” Luke says, voice a little louder to cut over Spencer’s panicked word vomit. “You are always welcome here. No matter what, okay? You don’t have to be afraid to come here, ever. I’m your boyfriend, I want to take care of you.”

“Really?” he asks, looking almost floored at Luke’s words.

“Really.” Luke promises, reaching over to gently wipe a spilled tear from Spencer’s cheekbone. “If I was upset, wouldn’t you feel the same way.”

Spencer’s eyes widen in understanding as he nods vigorously, causing Luke to smile fondly.

 “Now. What’s going on, baby? Did something happen?”

“Um,” Spencer hesitates, simultaneously not knowing how to properly voice his feelings and afraid of how Luke might react to them. Luckily, Luke knows how to be patient with Spencer, waiting quietly as he traces patterns on his forearm. “You know how earlier I said I did want to stay here but I couldn’t?”

Luke hums. “I do, yes.”

“Well, it’s because I was scared.”

Luke’s finger pauses for a short second in surprise before continuing its path, trying to convey his non-judgement. “What of, sweetheart?” he asks, praying that he wasn’t about to say him. 

“The last time I shared a bed with someone, he wasn’t nice to me,” Spencer confesses, looking into Luke’s eyes briefly, long enough only for Luke to pick up on the intense vulnerability swimming in his pupils. “I get… really bad nightmares. And my ex, the one I told you about, George?” He waits for Luke’s acknowledging nod before continuing. “He got… angry. I disturbed his sleep and he yelled a lot before breaking up with me.”

Luke nods slowly, finally understanding the situation. “And you were afraid that the same thing would happen with me?” he asks gently, not judging Spencer for his fear at all and hoping he can see that in his eyes. 

“Yeah,” he whispers, looking down at his twiddling fingers for a long moment before finally looking back at Luke, tears gathering in his eyes again. “I’m sorry, I should have trusted you.” 

“Oh, Spencer,” he soothes calmly, gathering him up into a hug and carding his fingers through Spencer’s curls in just the way he knows he likes. “You can’t control a fear like that. It’s a natural reaction to be afraid of repeating a previous experience, especially if that event was upsetting or traumatic.”

“I know,” he mutters miserably, face wedged close into Luke’s neck. “I’m still sorry.”

“It’s okay, baby,” he says. “Is that what made you come over tonight? You had a nightmare?” He feels Spencer nod and his heart breaks. His boyfriend has been silently suffering through these awful nightmares alone, all because some asshole had broken up with him for something he couldn’t control. “I’m sorry, Spence. Do you want to talk about it?”

Spencer shakes his head, as he pulls his face away from Luke’s neck. “I’ve tried that but it doesn’t work,” he frowns. “It just makes me relive it and the anxiety gets worse. It’s better if I just try and acknowledge them before moving past them.”

“Whatever works for you, baby,” Luke says. “Now, how about we get you changed into some pajamas again and you can come and stay with me tonight. I just want to be here for you, Spencer, comfort you if you have a nightmare, hold you even if you don’t. Nothing will happen if you do have one, alright? Except you being able to avoid travelling across town at 2am to seek some comfort, because I’ll be right next to you, cuddles at the ready.”

“You promise?” Spencer asks hopefully, finally seeming to relax a little. 

“I swear on my life,” Luke grins, before pressing a chaste kiss to Spencer’s lips and standing up. “Come on, let’s get ready for bed.” 

Spencer’s wearing a soft t-shirt already but Luke demands he change into one of his own, claiming he wants him to be as comfortable as possible, but they both know he just can’t get enough of Spencer in his own clothes. It feels like an extra layer of protection Luke can wrap around him, keep him safe and warm in his clothing, protect him from anything formidable, including his own mind. “It smells of you,” he smiles approvingly as soon as it’s settled over his shoulders, too loose for his smaller frame. 

“Well, baby, you’re gonna love cuddling with me in my bed then,” Luke winks. “I’m not sure anywhere else could possibly smell more like me.” He switches off the lights in the house and calls Roxy back to bed, before slipping underneath the duvet, which is much more pleasurable this time, Spencer curled up against his side as Luke wraps a comforting arm around his waist. 

He savours Spencer’s satisfied sigh as he curls up tighter, pressing as close to Luke as possible; his clingy nature is one of the things he loves most about him. There’s nothing Spencer likes more than climbing into Luke’s lap or laying across him on the sofa, holding his hand in public or pressing himself as close as possible until Luke gets the hint and wraps an arm around his waist. He loves being held, which works out well because Luke isn’t sure he likes anything more than holding him, drinking in the comfort that comes from the closeness, the inexplicable feeling that is being Spencer Reid’s boyfriend.  

“Thank you, Luke,” Spencer whispers, voice clearly showing how drained and tired he is, but he sounds relaxed and comfortable, and that’s what matters most.

“Anytime, baby,” he whispers back, smile playing over his lips as it always seems to do when he’s around Spencer. “You sleep now. You’re safe, I’ll be here.” 

“I know.” Spencer’s whisper is even quieter this time as his breaths even out and his muscles relax slightly, and Luke has never envied his boyfriend’s eidetic memory more. If he could bottle this exact moment -- Spencer slowly falling asleep on him, trusting him enough to stay no matter what happens, the warmth and comfort of the embrace -- he’d never stop playing it over, a personal paradise just for the two of them recorded in his mind forever. 

Just having this moment, though, having this memory all for himself, will do Luke just fine. 

@gxenbev

[unsaid-stardust]

request: maybe first time juke makes out?? can be an au or canonverse, car couch or bedroom, etc. kinda like they have been adjusting to little pecking kisses to actually making out when they cuddle n stuff

thanks for the prompt, anon Chloe ! i went with a “the boys are alive and they go to the same college as Julie!” AU. Hope you like it! 💖

Luke was the driver of the night (as he was the only band member with a car). They had just played a rocking gig at The Roxy and he was currently making the rounds of dropping everyone off, saving Julie for last. She had been teasing him all night and he knew he wouldn’t get her all to himself once he dropped her off. He could tell that Julie was thinking the same thing as him from the glances she kept giving him from the passenger seat, her hand on his thigh as he drove.  

(Was he speeding to get Alex to Willie’s? Maybe, but could you blame him?)

On stage, her skin glittered underneath the heat of the spotlights. She always sounded incredible, but tonight, she was really something. It was like she was a siren calling him out to sea or a goddess of sound singing a prophecy to him; He was mesmerized the whole entire night. Plus, add in that Julie wore something a little more revealing than she normally did--a sparkly two piece that looked as if it were made for her; That alone was enough to drive him crazy.

And now, she was wearing his distressed jean jacket that was definitely too big on her, but damn did it make her look adorable. 

Lucky for him, Julie was all his. And he was all hers. After months of dancing around each other, Luke finally admitted his feelings to her on the roof of his house at 3 am. The band had played an impromptu house party that they got word was happening at one of the houses not far from campus. 

They stayed afterwards for some fun (which turned into some drunken karaoke and endless amounts of jello shots). It was then that Julie had decided to flirt with some random guy that none of the bandmates or Flynn knew. Luke chalked it up to Julie being drunk, but then he started flirting with a random girl for the hell of it, and things took a turn for the worse. He and Julie ended up in an argument prompting Luke to walk home drunk (Reggie along for the walk as he didn’t want Luke alone when he was that drunk). 

Once home, which was the studio where they rehearsed, Reggie plopped down on the couch and Luke took to the roof, a place he often went to clear his head. Not long after, did Julie show. They talked it out, both of them admitting that they only flirted with other people to get one another jealous. They shared their first kiss, which was nothing like the kiss that Luke planned on giving her as soon as Alex left the car.

“keep her in one piece, ok? She carries this band,” Alex teases. Julie giggles and Luke rolls his eyes.

“Yeah ok, Alex, say goodnight to Willie for me!” Luke calls after his bandmate, who scoffs before closing the car door. 

Luke watches from the curb to make sure that Alex gets inside ok and then practically lunges towards his girlfriend, crashing his lips onto hers, holding her hair behind her ear with one hand and the other under her chin. Julie reciprocates immediately, pushing Luke slightly back due to her own desire. Slowly, Luke pulls his lips away from hers, but only enough so that they’re not touching anymore.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night” He states, voice low and raspy, as he peers into Julie’s chocolate-reminiscent eyes. She smiles.

“Me too,” She confesses while biting her bottom lip. Jesus, she was trying to kill him. He wants nothing more than to just stop right there and kiss her all over, but, it was getting late and he knew that Julie had an early class. He forces himself to put his hands on the wheel and to focus his eyes on the gear-shift.

“We should get you home,” He suggests secretly wishing that Julie would oppose. Julie sits back in her seat though, looking slightly defeated.

“Yeah, probably should,” She agrees. Luke presses his lips in order to stop himself from sighing, and reverses his car before pulling away. 

“Can I be DJ?” She questions him, gesturing towards his phone in the cupholder plugged into the aux cord. He almost laughs because she should know by now that he pretty much answers “yes” to any question ever that she asks him. That, and he thought it was a given that she could pick the music; she has a killer music taste after all. 

She takes a minute or two to look over his Spotify playlists (which he definitely forgot about one in particular and hoped she didn’t notice, but knowing her, she will) before she breaks the silence. 

“Luke’s Make Out Mixtape? What kind of playlist name is that ‘Playlist Patterson?” She teases using the nickname she uses to refer to his creativity when it comes to naming playlists because typically, he does have wicked titles.

3 things came into Luke’s mind then. 1. he liked the little bit of alliteration 2. she was trying to kill him with all of this teasing 3. he has two routes he could go here: banter or assertion.

She didn’t know about this playlist because he had just made it the other day after their typical kissing had briefly turned into a little more before they were interrupted. And man, did he want to go back to that. And it seemed like she did too. Pulling the car into a rather convientent empty parking lot, his mouth made the choice of #3 for him. 

“The kind of name for when you want to do this.” 

Luke leans his body towards Julie’s and their lips reconnect with more hunger than before. Not taking her lips off of his, Julie presses play on Luke’s playlist, “Kill My Time” by 5 Seconds of Summer blasting through the stereo. 

“Good...choice” Luke breathes into another kiss in between the words.

He deepens the kiss then and it’s then that his mind catches up to him and he realizes what’s happening; their first time actually making out. They had shared multiple kisses before, but nothing like the heated moment that’s happening now. And between the adrenaline that was still in his veins from playing The Roxy and the fact that Julie is now making her way to sit on his lap, he feels like he might explode. Add in that they’re listening to his make out playlist and he has some really good fucking vibes coming up, like “Tennis court” by Lorde because she was a damn good lyricist okay (And the synths basically screamed make out music), he was riding high on cloud nine. 

All of these factors combined caused Luke to want to test the waters. He didn’t want to do anything Julie wasn’t comfortable with, she had less experience than he did he knew that, but Jesus, did he want to bite her lip and kiss her all over. 

“Tell me...if anything..doesn’t feel ok...ok?” he asks her softly in between muffled kisses. Julie hums and nods her head and Luke takes it as an ok to test the waters. 

So, he does.

He slowly takes Julie’s bottom lip into his teeth lightly biting down. She makes a sound then that Luke hadn’t heard from her before and it sends shiver down his spine, a smile across his lips as he pulls away. Julie whimpers at the contrast of his lips not on hers and places her hands on his shoulders as she pushes herself forward bringing her even closer to him. Luke can’t help, but groan at the feeling of Julie against his hips. 

He kisses her neck to distract himself and Julie pushes forward against him again. Luke hears his breath shudder and he presses his lips to the spot where Julie’s jawline meets her ear. It’s Julie’s sounds that turn breathless this time and as much as it drove Luke crazy, as much as it lit a fire in him, he knew it was a sign that they should stop. 

“Jules...” He whispers as she eagerly kisses his lips. 

“yeah....” She breathes, stopping to look at him, her eyes ignited by the fire that was lit within Luke a few seconds ago. 

“We should stop...it’s getting late...” He continues before resting his forehead onto hers. Julie purses her lips and he could tell that she was disappointed too, but knew that he was right.

“yeah, probably should,” she agrees and she removes herself from Luke’s lap, returning to her own seat. Luke looks over at her and can’t help, but think of how lucky he is. This wicked beauty of a girl just happened to catch his eye at a Sunset Curve show and decided to become a part of his life and not only that, but decided to love him back. 

“Hey,” He called to her softly, getting her to look at him with her pretty doe eyes that he loves so much, and placed his thumb under her chin.

“I love you,” He whispers for the first time. Julie kisses him one last time, much more soft and gentle and slow compared to any of the previous kisses and god does he love her. 

“I love you too”. 

tagging: @moony221b @willexx @blush-and-books @littledancersun @lydias--stiles @sanssssastark

[puppy-the-mask]

I’m thinking about how my sb insert Attie gets along with the cast. Pre-glitch she doesn’t really talk with anyone much other than small talk but she’s polite and treats everyone well, acting more in the background as a supportive co-worker. Once things start going haywire is when she really gets to know the animatronics, seeing how they’re dealing with the sudden glitches tugs at her heart strings so she takes a bit more of an active roll and talks more- making the effort to help where she can.

She gets along the best with Bonnie before he gets decommissioned, managing to form an actual friendship with him after he saves her from Roxy during a particularly bad glitch. Whenever she’s in the bowling alley or runs into him they chat and share work gossip. Even after he’s gone she still catches him up on the latest at the pizzaplex whenever she works on trying to remove the virus from his salvaged software- even though she knows he can’t hear her.

Her relationship with Roxy is... weird. Roxy refuses to acknowledge that she may be in the wrong or apologize for attacking her, and Attie doesn’t really mind that? She still treats Roxy well and has basically brushed the whole incident off since she knows it was because of a glitch and not actually Roxy actively trying to hurt her. Roxy doesn’t really know how to deal with this? Especially since Attie got even nicer to them all after Bonnie was gone. She feels bad but wont admit it meanwhile Attie has already forgiven and moved on so it’s a little awkward and uncomfortable for Roxy when they interact.

Chica hasn’t had any major events with Attie that some of the others have, but they get along well. Attie steps in by making sure all trash is secure and that Chica is far away when she uses the trash compacter. She also sometimes shares her sundrops with Chica when she sees that she’s feeling down- to ‘Brighten’ her day. They may not always stop and chat but they do smile and wave when they see each other.

Her and Freddy have a typical work/co-worker relationship. She doesn’t really know how to approach him since he’s the face of the place and that gives her the feel that he’s above her- like he’s one of her bosses even though he isn’t. But he’s nice and she’s always nice back. Aside from very quick run-ins they don’t really talk since Freddy is constantly busy during day shifts and she doesn’t wanna interrupt what little free time he has during nights. Most of what she knows about him/his personality comes from what Bonnie has told her.

Monty is a difficult case, Attie has rationalized that they’d get along just fine if she actually talked to him. They just haven’t, mainly because she’s too nervous to initiate conversation- which hasn’t been a problem with any of the other animatronics since they engage her. But Monty likes his alone time and she can appreciate that so she just- hasn’t talked to him much? They’ll run into each other all the time on her breaks since she tends to spend them at Gator Golf but they never do much more than silently acknowledge each other’s presence and then sit in silence doing their own thing. When he becomes the bassist and the virus starts hitting harder they still don’t talk much but Attie will go out of her way to give him a couple extra minutes to rage/cool off before she gets his attention and leads him back to the stage or wherever he’s supposed to be at that moment. When Monty falls from the catwalks the first time she’s the one that goes to get him and bring him to parts and services- which is when he attacks her. Because of this she is away for a long time and doesn’t return to work until after the events of the game unfold- but whatever ending occurs she is making sure Monty gets fixed rather than scrapped, he still needs to apologize to her after all. (He snapped back to reality after attacking her and tried to say something but never actually got the chance- I'm mixing in my idea that after they attack Gregory/anyone their programming gives them a moment of clarity and they immediately regret it)

Similar to Monty, Attie was too nervous/intimidated to say anything herself but really wanted to be friends with Sun. She’s a crafter and during day shifts whenever she sees him playing and working on craft projects with the kids it gives her a happy little energy boost- it’s the entire reason why she covered her water bottle in stickers. She always stalls to stay in the area a little longer whenever she has a task to do nearby, but stars forbid she have something to do Inside the daycare, she’d just about die on the spot. She’s not the best with little kids, not that she’s bad with them- she’s just awkward and a little uncomfortable because children are impressionable and all it takes is one slip up to have an army of toddlers screaming the F word. But then things change after an adult tries to make a ruckus and she ends up stepping in. It’s hard to calm scared children And chew out a bad parent so she goes over to draw the children’s attention back to their pretty drawings and their super fun game of tag since Sun is busy reminding a bitch why he’s scary to some children. While they don’t really have much in common outside of arts and crafts they get along really well! Sun will ramble all about the fun things he did with the children and whenever he’s stressed from all the glitching and Moon’s crazy state she lets him vent to her and comforts how she can. He also hooks her up with Plenty of Sundrops whenever she’s having a rough time.

Moon pre-glitch was an agent of chaos that she’s had a handful or really good times with, but they’re few and far between because he isn’t out much. Whenever they run into each other she is somehow roped into whatever Moon is up to at the moment, mostly messing with other people. Attie is certain that Moon is behind half the office drama and grudges other co-workers have with each other. She’s also run into him on the job when he took some older kids to the theatre since she spends her time listening to staffbot’s comedy routine. As a fellow employee and (more importantly) an Intern (the lowest tier of the workplace hierarchy) he had her join him in acting something out for/with the kids. When the virus starts to take hold she has to distance herself for her own safety- no longer able to enter the daycare during lights out because she’s an Adult and those aren’t allowed in the daycare, even though she’s Staff. But at the same time she really doesn’t, she still hangs out whenever he talks with her, but it’s sad to watch as his pranks become more cruel in nature and the kids start avoiding him. Just like with Sun she’s sat through a couple of breakdowns over that fact- especially since Sun is afraid of the lights going out because of him, his counterpart is scared of him and it’s hard to come to terms with. Because they’re close Attie is always the one that goes into the Daycare to fix the generators, even when it gets to the point that Moon is going to attack no matter who/what staff comes in. Behind all the glitching Moon hates that fact because he doesn’t Want to attack her. Outside of the daycare it’s fine for the most part but so long as anyone on Staff goes in he can’t Not chase them. He really appreciates that even after everything she isn’t scared of him and still treats him like a friend.

Attie thinks DJ Music Man is great, but at the same time she is currently beefing with his wind-up mini in the vents and she honestly doesn’t know if the little thing has mentioned it or if DJMM would care- but she isn’t taking chances. She’s a little awkward around him but DJMM is just vibing, he gets along with everyone and everyone gets along with him. Even after getting chased around the dancefloor and arcade for the millionth time Attie just can’t find a way to dislike him- nobody on staff can. He takes requests from everyone on music to play, but one time someone (not naming names) introduced him to Spotify and the endless song selections- that had Lyrics That Weren’t Kid Friendly- and things just devolved from there. Using his own network to pick music didn’t allow him to choose anything aside from a pre-set playlist of PG music but if he connects to someone’s phone or laptop then he can bypass that and play whatever. She’s sacrificed her phone numerous times to the cause, the night staff have discovered that one of the easiest ways to assemble the animatronics is to broadcast either songs they like or absolutely hate over the loudspeakers and it works for them too. It’s become common in the nightshift to use blasting music as a call for specific people to get to the dancefloor- typically whoever left their phone with DJMM and couldn’t be called normally.

Now as for Vanessa... Attie will say she’s fine but she is Not Fine. She doesn’t like Vanessa for a couple, professional reasons. She’d been working hard as an Intern for well over a year and had really wanted to get promoted to a full time employee- actually applying for the nightguard position- but then they hired Vanessa instead. She was a little sad but it was okay, it’s not Vanessa’s fault she got accepted for a job she applied for- it’s just how it is. But then Bonnie tells her that he heard that Vanessa isn’t actually qualified for the job and shouldn’t have gotten past the interview and now it’s significantly less okay! She also just doesn’t like how Vanessa interacts with the animatronics, something about how she talks and acts rubs her the wrong way. She’s nice enough to the staff at first but brushes off the animatronics and as time goes on she seems to switch between being kinda mean to everyone to acting nice the next time she runs into her and Attie doesn’t really know what to make of it- she just doesn’t trust her, she gives her a weird feeling in her gut. Then Bonnie gets decommissioned on one of the nights Vanessa is in charge and Now It’s Personal. She won’t even say what happened to him specifically, just that he got messed up and had to be decommissioned, and everyone goes with it. They assume Bonnie glitched out and attacked her or something, though there are also other theories stirring around in the pizzaplex about what happened to Bonnie. Despite her dislike of the night guard Attie still does as she’s asked and treats her well enough- even if her responses are half hearted, clipped, or impersonal.

[365days365movies]

January 16, 2021: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

I am a massive comic book nerd. Not unusual these days, to be fair. But I’m definitely up there, as far as my obsession with Marvel and DC go. And, yeah, I stick mostly to those two houses, and their various imprints.

Why do I bring this up? Well...remember this movie?

Kick-Ass was a pretty big deal when it came out in 2010, as it was a Marvel Comics movie that was completely unrelated to the relatively new Marvel Cinematic Universe. Based of a 2008 comic book written by Mark Millar and drawn by John Romita Jr., the film was directed by Matthew Vaughn, and featured a more realistic take on how real-world superheroes would actually work.

Vaughn and Millar by this point at least, were friends. Around 2012, they’re getting drunk at a pub together, and talking movies. The topic of spy movies come up, and how there hasn’t really been a good, non-parody, fun spy movie, and that there should be. And that was the bulk of their conversation.

Enter Dave Gibbons, a legendary comic book artist, whom you may know from drawing the comic book that was turned into this:

Oh yeah, he’s a big deal. Gibbons and Millar end up getting together to write a fun spy comic book based on this idea. Vaughn, meanwhile, is getting ready to direct X-Men: Days of Future Past, the sequel to X-Men: First Class, which Vaughn directed. That’s a good movie, by the way, even if I have...issues...with the treatment of the X-Men in film. Maybe one day I’ll get into that, we’ll see what happens. Ask me about it if you’re curious.

Anyway, Millar goes to Vaughn with this script, and Vaughan looks at it and realizes that he needs to direct this movie before somebody else makes it. So he leaves Days of Future Past, and he signs on to...

I feel like it’s an obligation, as a comic book dude, to watch this film. I should also read the book, but I didn’t do that with Kick-Ass, so to hell with it! Let’s get this recap started! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Starting off with some Money for Nothing, and somewhere in the Middle East, 1997! We go into a stone temple, where some kind of mission is taking place. A surprise grenade causes the loss of one of the agents. The surviving agents are Merlin (Mark Strong), Lancelot AKA James Spencer (Jack Davenport), and Galahad, AKA Harry Hart (Colin Firth).

Hart, feeling guilty over the death of this agent, tells his wife, Michelle (Samantha Womack) and child Eggsy (yes, Eggsy) of his sacrifice, and gives Eggsy a medal.

From there, we jump forward 17 years, to Argentina where...Mark Hamill?

Holy shit, it’s Mark Hamill! Apparently, he’s playing Professor James Arnold, and being held hostage by a group of mysterious men. Just then, he’s rescued by Lancelot, showing up with some classic James Bond-style swagger and asking for a cup of sugar, sardonically.

He kicks the asses of these guys, but is SLICED IN HALF BY A MAN WITH SWORD LEGS WHAT THE FUCK????

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was watching the best thing I’ve ever goddamn seen. And as if that weren’t enough, she’s working for Samuel L. “Motherfucker” Jackson, playing Richmond Valentine. I am...I am so pleased.

We go to the Kingsmen headquarters, where Lancelot is being mourned by the Kingmen and their leader MICHAEL CAINE, REALLY, HOLY SHIT

Ahem. Sorry, uh...the star-studded cast has basically caused me to have a minor aneurysm. Caine plays Arthur, the leader of the Kingsmen. Get it? I can dig it, I’m a sucker for a good Arthurian reference. Anyway, now that Lancelot’s dead, it’s time to find a new candidate. Apparently, the man that died 17 years ago was part of an “experiment” by Hart, which Arthur says has failed. Galahad calls Arthur a snob, and says that they need to evolve with the times. \

Speaking of that former candidate, how’s his son doing?

Not stellar, it seems. His mom is dating a very unsavory gentleman, and not really taking good care of her youngest daughter. Eggsy (Taron Egerton), on the other hand, is a carefree delinquent. After engaging in an entertaining backwards car chase with the police (it’s cool), he gets arrested. He refuses to give up his friends, and he instead asks for a phone call.He looks at the medallion around his neck, and remembers that he can use the number of the back to contact someone for help. He uses a specific code phrase, but it appears not to have worked. But then, Eggsy is turned loose with little more than a phone call. That’s when Eggsy meets Hart.

We find out that Eggsy has a high IQ and Olympic-level athletics, but has dropped out of the Marines, and has been arrested for drugs and other illegal activities. After being read out by Hart, Eggsy goes on an anger-filled diatribe about the differences in privilege between the two of them. Although it’s short, it’s a powerful speech.

But that speech is interrupted by the owner of the car that Eggsy stole the previous night, as well as his gang. They’re yearning for a fight with Eggsy, and they threaten Hart. He doesn’t take that well, as he shuts the doors and windoes to the pub. Time to teach a lesson.

Yup, I’m giving this fight the posted video award. It might be short, but it’s also one of the best and coolest sequences I’ve ever seen in a spy movie. And OH, it’s giving me that gadget shit I was missing from the Bond movies.

After one of the most enjoyable fight sequences I’ve seen in a while, Eggsy’s understandably stunned. So is his stepfather Dean (Geoff Bell), the leader of the gang that Hart beat up in the pub. He’s not happy, and he beats Eggsy in their apartment, and that scene is...WHOOF. Much to their surprise, however, Hart’s left a device on Eggsy’s back. He threatens Dean through the device, and tells Eggsy to meet him at a tailor that he’d mentioned.

Once Eggsy escapes from Dean and the gang via nest parkour tricks, he makes his way to the tailor, where Hart officially brings him into the fold, giving him the opportunity to become a Kingsman. He exposits the history of the agency as a private group of spies, meant to protect the world while not bowing to the bureaucracy that plagues government-affiliated spy institutions.

We get to go to Kingsman Headquarters proper, and yeah...yeah, it’s cool. As compared to the other recruits, Eggsy’s pretty obviously out of place. This, of course, is part of the point, as Hart believes the Kingsmen could use someone with different life experiences and background. That would be the experiment mentioned earlier.

Eggsy’s competitors include Roxy (Sophie Cookson), who appears to actually be polite to him, unlike most of the potentials. They settle in for the night...but not for long. Their quarters fills with water, as the entirety of the Kingsmen head towards the showerheads and toilets for air. While they all succeed, Eggsy is the one who actually gets everyone out, by literally punching the window.

Unfortunately, for one of the candidates...it’s too late. These candidates could die in the hiring process. Rough.

Sadly, Mark Hamill also doesn’t quite make it, as Hart finds him, surprisingly freed from Valentine’s capture. As he’s questioned, Valentine is forced to kill him via Suicide Squad implant, and barely escaped from his men. Valentine and his henchwoman, Gazelle (Sofia Boutella) are trying to figure out who the Kingsmen are, to no avail at the moment.

Back with Merlin, who’s training the Kingsman candidates! They’re all told to get a puppy! Aw. Eggsy chooses J.B. a pug, under the mistaken impression that it’s a bulldog. And I’m not a pug person...but that puppy is cute as shit.

Time marches on, and the Kingsmen continue their training. Eggsy’s colleagues continue to discriminate against him, especially Charlie (Edward Holcroft). Hart, who was knocked out by the explosion, eventually wakes up. Valentine goes around to political leaders and proposes his plan to “save the world,” whatever that’s about to mean. Apparently, that includes giving the King of Sweden a surgical implant of some kind. Huh.

This, of course includes some, uh...conflict with Gazelle.

Awesome.

Eggsy’s in the final 6! As Hart congratulates him over this, we finally get some exposition on Richmond Valentine’s plan. See, that implant is the Suicide Squad bomb that killed Hamill, and Gazelle also has one. Additionally, he’s released a plan to the world that will provide free internet and phone data...forever. Not ominous at all, that.

After a cool skydiving training sequence, only three candidates are left. Hart, meanwhile, poses as a wealthy philanthropist, donating to Valentine’s cause. As a result, he’s treated to an extravagant dinner...of McDonald’s. Yes, it is the best product placement I’ve seen in a while, in case you were wondering. That reveal was hilarious.

Anyway, their conversation turns from talking about climate change studies and concerns, to their opinion of James Bond movies, in a lovely little piece of meta flavor. At this point, they would appear to understand each other’s role in the play, as it were. Forgot to mention, Valentine’s been kidnapping anyone who disagrees with his goals, while also distributing his free internet cards. So, there’s that. But he’s also trying to figure out what exactly the “Kingsmen” are. Speaking of...

Our three remaining Kingsman candidates are assigned a mission to seduce a young dignitary. However, all three of them make a mistake, and allow themselves to get drugged at a party, by someone wanting to know who Hart and Kingsmen are. When Eggsy wakes up, he’s been strapped to train tracks. Uh oh.

Despite an oncoming train, Eggsy doesn’t give the man any formation. Which, of course, was the point. It’s Hart, helping to give the Kingsman candidates a little loyalty test, which both Eggsy and Roxy pass with flying colors. But Charlie...Charlie’s a coward who immediately gives everything up, including Arthur himself.

Eggsy gets to spend 24 hours with Hart, before being thrown headfirst into a mission. Hart explains that being a Kingsman means being a gentleman, which Eggsy isn’t. Hart, of course, plans to fix that.

They head to the tailor, and check out some spy gadgets. And much to their surprise, Valentine is also there, under the guise of getting a suit. Hart takes the opportunity to recommend a hatter, who gives him a top hat with built in listening devices. I love it.

Eggsy, meanwhile, speaks with Arthur at Kingsman HQ. He’s commanded to perform one final test: kill his pug, J.B. Which...yeah, damn, that sucks. He doesn’t do it, understandably. Unfortunately...Roxy does kill her dog. She succeeds...and Eggsy’s kicked out of the Kingsman candidacy. Which feels like a bullshit play, if I’m honest.

Eggsy steals Arthur’s car, then goes back home. As he’s about to confront his stepfather, Hart brings back the car via remote access, then explains to Eggsy that the gun was filled with blanks, and that Eggsy ended up giving up his shot. He also reveals that the first candidate to die...didn’t actually die! It’s been a ruse all along, meant to test the candidates under the strictest of conditions. Which sucks, obviously, because Eggsy’s out of the program.

And at that point, Valentine says something of note, revealing that he plans to go to a hate church in Kentucky to begin his master plan. Hart heads there, and tells Eggsy to stay put.

We get treated to just...just the loveliest of sermons. Disgusting. But then...

...that’s the point, isn’t it?

Because Valentine uses the SIM cards to create a signal that drives the parishioners crazy. Hart’s also in the church, however, and he also starts going crazy. Which leaves the question: what happens when a highly trained spy goes up against untrained civilians, has a bunch of gadgets...and has absolutely no restraint whatsoever?

A MASSACRE, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS. And most surprisingly, it’s a massacre that we actually SEE. Hart basically kills almost EVERYBODY in the church. I’ll put the video up, but...y’know, be warned here. It ain’t pretty.

Hart comes to, and realizes exactly what he’s done. He leaves, only to be confronted by Valentine and his men. The Bond metaphor finally comes full-circle, explained directly by Valentine. But instead of explaining his whole plan and devising some complicated way to kill Hart that he’ll inevitably escape from...

He just shoots Hart in the head. Holy shit. And this is while Merlin, Arthur, and yes, Eggsy watch on through Hart’s home feed. Looks like a new Kingsman is needed.

Arthur tells Merlin to assemble the Kingsmen. But Eggsy...Eggsy has other plans. Thinking on Hart’s words about wanting to do something good with his life. He goes to Arthur to talk to him about Hart’s death. Arthur invites him in for brandy. And that’s...when my mind exploded.

HE’S FUCKING IN ON IT?!? Michael Caine, NOOOO! Turns out that Valentine’s convinced Arthur of his true plan: a culling. He believes that the Earth’s temperature because there’s simply too much humanity, like a body trying to kill a virus. And so...he’s going to make the virus exterminate itself. And that argument’s enough to win Caine over.

Turns out that the implant is meant to protect those individuals against a neurological signal emitted by the SIM cards, the same one that went off in the church. Arthur, realizing that Eggsy understands exactly what’s going on, poisons him, then asks if he would like to join them. Eggsy refuses...and Arthur sets off the remote poison to kill him.

But NOPE! EGGSY SWITCHED THE FUCKIN’ GLASSES! I love this movie. Arthur dies, and Eggsy uses the opportunity to dig the implant from his neck. He takes that and Arthur’s phone to Merlin and Lancelot, who realize that they can’t trust anyone at this point. And so, the three of them - yes, the three of them - go to stop Valentine.

And, yeah...I can dig it. OH HOW I CAN DIG it.

Roxy goes up in an experimental vehicle to bring down the satellite, Merlin is flying the plane, and Eggsy...Eggsy’s the one going in disguised as Arthur, in order to infiltrate the mountain lair of Valentine. Here, he and the other beneficiaries wait it out, while the world literally tears itself apart. Now wearing a bespoke suit and playing the role of a gentleman, Eggsy enters the lion’s den.

But as expected, it’s time to hit some snags. Roxy waits juuuuuust a little too long, and one of the balloons in her craft pops. As for Eggsy, he meets an old “friend” of his in the form of Charlie, who’s now working for Valentine.

The missile’s fired just in time, as Charlie’s taken out and Eggsy runs for the plane. AWESOME climax here as Eggsy escapes. I mean it; it is VERY cool. They succeed JUST in time, and the satellite is destroyed. However, Valentine’s still managed to partially start the process, and they can’t do anything about that.

Eggsy’s gotta go BACK in, before Valentine gets another satellite to trigger the signal worldwide. Now armed with Hart’s AWESOME umbrella, he makes his way there under heavy gunshot. They’re also teaming up against Merlin in the plane, so he’s not doing great. And that when Eggsy has the idea...to turn the implants on. ALL of them.

It’s amazing. Violence in fireworks. So, it’s too bad that it doesn’t stop the signal. It works, and people start to tear each other apart all across the world. But only for was long as Valentine has his hands on the desk. Eggsy manages to stop that by laying down some suppressive fire.

That provokes a response.

..This movie is, for lack of a better term, fucking rad.

Gazelle and Eggsy have an awesome fight, worthy of any James Bond movie, seriously. I really want to give it the video post honor, but I’ve done that too much already. For god’s sake, I literally JUST did that.

Gazelle dies (it’s kinda goofy how she dies, if I’m honest), and Eggsy kills Valentine with her prosthetic leg. It’s over, as the signal ends, and Eggsy even gets the girl. Not Roxy, the Princess of Sweden. Not going into it, but it’s funny.

And that’s Kingsman: The Secret Service! Honestly, I gotta say, that was a rad-as-shit movie, and...

Ooh, a mid-credits scene! Eggsy goes back home, to the pub, where his stepfather and mom are hanging out with the gang. And let’s just say...Dean’s gonna get a little comeuppance. Manners, after all, maketh man.

OK, THAT’S Kingsman: The Secret Service! And that, again, was pretty rad. See you in the Epilogue in a few!

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx Club Season 4 Thoughts Part 2

I did part 1 here. Let’s see if part 2 is gonna top that in a positive way or in a negative one.

4x14:

- I can’t believe I’m saying this but I agree with Bloom. Musa is moving way too fast in her “crush” on Jason. Not to mention that it looked like things were getting a bit better between her and Riven during the last battle with the Wizards.

- Okay, but Bloom is saying the exact opposite of what happened. She wasn’t scared of being a fairy. She instantly agreed to go with Stella to Alfea and never even for a second stopped to think about that taking her away from home like Roxy is doing. At least Roxy can see that it is possible to balance being a fairy and still doing everyday things.

- Faragonda is really getting on my nerves in this scene. First, she jumps on talking about Roxy attending Alfea without even asking her and then she’s all “She needs time”. Contradictory much? If she needs time, then give it to her. And taking the White Circle is probably not a good idea. From what we saw in 4x01 Alfea teachers were unable to do anything against the Wizards and Roxy used it to defeat them in the previous episode. So Winx and Roxy are literally the only ones that can protect the White Circle and use it. Why send it to Alfea? The Wizards can learn about it and attack the school and there will be no one to stop them. Not to mention that it was the thing that helped defeat them and without it Winx and Roxy are weaker and possibly can’t protect Gardenia.

- The TV crew - “talks about fairies* Stella - “Do you think they might be talking about us?” WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?! Of course they are talking about you! Do you see any other girls flying around in sparkly outfits! It should be illegal for this line to be so stupid considering how short it is.

- So now the Specialists are throwing jabs at each other? I thought Sky and Brandon were the bestest of friends, wtf? And Helia too? Seriously? Can this season not ruin all the good dynamics? At least the Riven and Nabu friendship is still going strong. And Riven is being more open with Nabu while Nabu is giving some quality advice. I like that. Almost makes up for the other bullshit happening with all of them.

- Didn’t the tiger say the ship is leaving soon? And they still decided to wait a whole day to get there? That sounds like an urgent, asap business but yeah, sure. Go chill all day. What could go wrong with that plan?

- Klaus is super chill considering Roxy just brought a tiger home and it’s adorable but shouldn’t they report the whole thing and take the tiger to the proper authorities? I know the magical dimension has no logic whatsoever when it comes to laws and such but they are on Earth now and I am pretty sure it is not legal for Roxy to keep the tiger. Can we have some real world logic here, please?

- Stella and Brandon are so fucking cute when they’re not fighting.

- Damn, Jason even interrupted the breakup talk. Come on! We all know it is not breakup talk but still.

- Yeah, they really fought the most powerful beings of the magical dimension and then lost to two animal smugglers. Nice one, you guys.

- I will never get over the stupidity that fairies being unable to get out of simple ropes on their own is. They have magic for heaven’s sake! Bloom could totally burn the ropes with a little spark! This is super stupid!

- Yes, just release a bunch of wild animals in the middle of a city. Nothing could go wrong with that.

- Why are they exhausted? They literally didn’t do shit! It was just Musa that used her powers! Also, wouldn’t it have made more sense if they used Flora’s special powers? She is the fairy of nature and animals are part of nature. What the hell does the song of one’s heart have to do with how they act towards nature?!

- Omg, why is Musa acting like Jason’s wedding had her heartbroken? She met him three days ago and didn’t know anything about him! He offered to produce her music which is still absolutely doable even if he is married! She’s acting like she’s been in love with him for years and she barely knows him! Besides, she hasn’t lost any of his support and encouragement for her musical career. This is an exaggerated reaction.

4x15:

- Um... aren’t Winx only in Gardenia? This looks like they’ve gone worldwide. Also, since when can Duman do anything that does not involve shapeshifting?

- What the fuck, he just turned into water?!

- Ogron is getting the right idea. Well, right for the Wizards’ plans.

- What is Stella doing? I get she’s tired but she just went in the shop, looked at what all the others were doing and then left?! What the hell???

- *groan* Why are we bringing up the Mitzi thing again? That was already resolved, dammit! I remember Mitzi was part of Ogron’s plan but they could have still had that without reopening drama that they already closed. And even Mitzi’s words are stupid. There is nothing to fight for. Brandon already chose Stella.

- Where did Mitzi’s friends come from all of a sudden? This is exactly like Chimera and her groupies. And Valtor also planned on using her against Stella. *sigh* We have done this already! I feel like they decided to combine the Diaspro and Chimera storylines from last season and push it all on Stella for some reason.

- Wtf? Mitzi and her friends were super scared but then suddenly they follow the Wizards just because of their dislike for Winx? Like, the Wizards didn’t even introduce themselves or anything, they didn’t even give them a reason to follow them. What the hell is the logic of this scene? At least Mitzi’s friends look somewhat genuine since they were all curled up into each other when they got scared and she didn’t try to push them away. Why does she want Brandon if she can have two girlfriends? Brandon is awesome but already taken and she seems to have a cool relationship with her girls already. Oh, look, her girls even have brains! Come on, Mitzi, listen to them!

- I guess Ogron has the power to make fairies now! Though, a better explanation would be that they just gave them magical powers and Duman used his shapeshifting skills to only make them look like fairies to make people hate fairies when Mitzi and her friends start doing stupid stuff.

- Oh, really? Musa now wants Riven back? After her other option was taken away? This is horrible. If the problem was truly that she felt Riven was unsupportive, she shouldn’t want him back unless they fix that. But no, now that Jason is off the table, she wants Riven back even though he allegedly wasn’t good for her. Just say you’re desperate for attention, honey.

- They’re even helping at the bar after the long day they had? If I were them I would just crash on the ground as well the first chance I got.

- At least Bloom only put the lid of the shaft back in place instead of levitating the person.

- It is pretty cool that they show Roxy and Mitzi and her friends training parallel to each other. And the lessons were interesting (I thought the birds were gonna drop Kiko but he got enough when he got hit with that soccer ball). Also, Mitzi really is learning fast if you can say that having common sense counts as learning but considering what they’ve already done in this season, I’ll take it.

- Oh, wow! Mitzi is showing some actual strategical thinking! And she wasn’t blinded by her desire to be better than Winx and instead admitted their weakness in order to defeat them? I am so pleasantly surprised. Less so by the people of Gardenia. Just because someone calls you friend, doesn’t mean that you’re really friends or have anything in common. Please! Can people not fall for everything so easily?!

- Oh, damn! Bloom got physical! She really got mad, huh? And she’s also pretty strong to just flip Mitzi like that.

- It took them that long to figure out that Winx are protecting them? Really? Last time I checked, people were supposed to have stopped believing in magic, not be stupid as all fuck.

- Wait, so Mitzi and her friends don’t remember what happened? And no one is gonna do anything about them? They destroyed a whole park and almost killed people! Did no one see their faces? How come they are not in any legal trouble for this?!

- At least Jason’s wife is not affected by this jealousy plague that has hit all the Winx and the Specialists.

4x16:

- Yeah, I don’t think finding them is going to be a problem. Especially now that they are popular both because of the pet shop and as fairies. The only problem the Wizards have is that they can’t quite defeat them currently.

- I thought Roxy didn’t remember the Nebula possession.

- What are those mood swings of Musa’s? Last episode she instantly went looking for Riven after she learned there could be nothing between her and Jason, now she’s moping about Jason still. Do you even know what you want at this point?

- I don’t think putting the White Circle in the game is a good idea. Can they even keep an eye on it that way? What if the Wizards do something like the Tracix spell and find out the Circle is in the game? What is gonna stop them from taking it? I think Winx underestimate them. But Stella’s reaction to Tecna’s gadgets was super cute! They should have had more friendship moments together.

- Wtf, where did this idea for the music band come from? Also, Bloom just said she needs Musa to give her singing lessons. How come she’s the main vocalist of the band later on? And Flora telling Stella that it’s not easy to perform in front of people? Stella, who already won a beauty pageant? Really? We all know Stella doesn’t give two fucks about being in front of people.

- Riven is communicating so much better with Nabu and even Helia than he is with Musa. I think they never became friends before becoming a couple and that is really getting in the way of truly opening up to each other. At least he has great wingmen.

- Okay, Riven fucked it up but it was obviously an accident. And Musa didn’t even appreciate his attempt. In fact, her reactions to his attempts to be better are always so negative and, therefore, discourage him from ever doing it again. I’m surprised he still wants to do things right by her after all the times she’s acted like a bitch because his attempts were not quite successful. She doesn’t appreciate his efforts at all if the outcome is not perfect.

- See? I told you they would find it. Winx really underestimated them a lot this time. And if they were gonna stay in town, why not just carry the Circle with them? This was a stupid plan.

- Klaus is a very understanding employer if he still hasn’t fired the Specialists after they keep disappearing like that for undetermined amounts of time. Though, I think after learning about the fairy business, it is natural that he will be a bit more lenient when he knows what dangers they are battling.

- Helia really do be beating monsters with just a glove, huh?

- Aww, look at Timmy being absolutely amazing!

- Couldn’t they use the Zoomix wings without the need for Musa’s sonic distortion? It didn’t seem to do that much anyway.

- Why did they let go of the Circle and where did it go? Couldn’t Roxy have done something to keep it with them? It responds to her the most. Oh, they have it.

- At least Musa apologized to Riven. Her reaction to the chocolates was really stupid so I’m glad she rethought all of that. Even though I don’t understand why Nabu had to be the one to tell her what Riven was doing. I thought it was obvious.

4x17:

- How many times are they gonna leave Kiko in charge when they know the pets don’t listen to him? Also, didn’t they already spoil the fact that the fairies are trapped and the White Circle is the last portal to free them in a recap in one of the earlier episodes?

- Wait, since when are the pets listening to Kiko?

- The Book of Fairies? Is that the Believix book? How many things are in that book? It doesn’t look endless.

- Wow, that’s a lot of responsibility shoved on Roxy’s shoulders. But did they seriously leave her? How do they plan on freeing the Earth fairies without her?

- Well, they’re going to have to use some spells in order to get out of their predicaments whether they like it or not. Also, is it the island that has been enchanted by the Wizards to take care of fairies? Is that what is happening here? Because I don’t think the Wizards are there at the current moment.

- If they can’t use their magic, free climbing will be dangerous, not fun.

- Yes, of course, Bloom can break the spell over herself like none of the others were able to.

- Well, Bloom got her unicorn/pegasus in Magical Adventure. But can’t Musa do something about the sirens’ song?

- Finally. Both about Musa and freeing the Earth fairies. Tecna and Stella make quite a great team, though!

- Bloom really just called a queen “Your Highness”. I know she didn’t grow up a princess but she must have learned by now from Stella and Layla (and even her own parents who are free at this point) what the proper way to address a queen/king is.

- When is Morgana gonna tell Roxy that she’s her mom? Does she even remember? They didn’t erase her memories like with Klaus’, right? I thought she would be mad at Nebula for possessing her daughter but there was no reaction whatsoever.

4x18:

- How did they jump from “Shit, we might have doomed Earth” to “Yay, we’re becoming an official band” so quickly? And even Roxy was on board with all that even though she was being torn apart by guilt earlier. Drama would have been more proper here than in any of the other places they have used it this season. Also, what is it that makes Musa such a professional musician compared to the others? It’s not like she has her own songs produced or anything. And Stella said she plays a lot of instruments. Plus, if a musical producer liked them, then that means that they are all more than just amateurs.

- At least the new outfits are cute. And the boys are totally swept off their feet. XD

- Ugh, just tell me Sky is not going to go into jealousy rage again. And why do he and Brandon keep making digs at each other? They are supposed to be the eternal bromance. And Riven too? I thought we were over this!

- It’s Flora time by the looks of it. I have to say that the idea of Winx fighting the Major Fairies is really good because the fairies’ powers come from hatred while Winx’ powers come from the belief of humans in magic so by defeating the fairies, Winx get to show that faith and love are always stronger. That was well thought up. I only hope the execution will be decent as well.

- Seriously, Flora is their trump card in this situation and even she can’t fight? Nabu is being totally awesome, though! Even if a bit of a Deus Ex Machina.

- Well, of course, Diana is in the park. Where would a nature fairy go? Is anyone shocked by this?

- These carnivore plants look different from the usual. But they really left the guys go after Diana even though they couldn’t do anything against her with their magic? And Timmy was worried about the monsters that are obviously much weaker than Diana? Great.

- Tecna is rocking this as usual. But of course, there is a giant spider. Every. Single. Time.

- Did Sky really order Diana to stop? Has his coronation gotten to his head? I am surprised she didn’t snap at that very instant.

- Why is Nabu literally the only one that is handling this? He is the only one that is not a Specialist and it looks like all they’re Specialists in is jealousy. It’s because of the magic, right? Look at them say that people without magic are useless.

- What exactly are Nabu’s powers? Because he seems to be able to do everything.

- Yes, Mike, anger the oversized spider more! What a wonderful idea! At least we know where Bloom got her temper. Not that she didn’t have enough of it already in her genes from both Oritel and Marion but I’m sure growing up with Mike only nurtured it instead of inhibiting it.

- Lmao at Mike and Stella’s conversation. XD He is right, though. At this rate, they’ll destroy the whole building.

- Yeah, Musa blasted it but what was Tecna doing? Just standing under the spider and screaming? Please, she is better than this!

- What does Roxy mean “It’s not [her] type of pet”? She’s the fairy of animals! That means all animals, not just the furry, cute ones.

- I don’t think teleportation is gonna solve all the problems. As an on-the-spot solution for the spider situation it is okay but they still need to figure out a way to beat Diana. Nabu’s been holding her off while the seven of them can’t even defeat a single spider.

- Aww, that scene was pretty emotional. Between Nabu’s guilt for not saving the others and Musa’s feelings for Riven, it got intense. And the plot is getting more intense as well which is awesome!

4x19:

- Wait, wait! They just gave them the Sophix Gifts? Didn’t Winx have to accomplish some missions to get them? Or do they receive them before the mission to finish it with the help of the Gifts?

- I thought Stella would freak when she saw the snake but she just petted it like it was a puppy. That was adorable!

- That vision told them fuckall. Like they weren’t gonna take that path anyway. What was the point of it?

- Hideout? This is not a hideout! It looks more like a temple. But hideout would imply it should be hidden and it just... isn’t.

- Okay, the Earth fairies have a point to some extent and Flora feeling the pain of the plants could have been a good way to show forgiveness since Diana is bound to feel the same pain, only, she has let it turn her dark. And then Winx could use the Believix powers with help from the Earth fairies to stop humans from destroying the planet... Which they can still do. Hopefully.

- Again, aren’t they only famous in Gardenia? Why does Stella think that deforestators in the Amazonian jungle will know who they are?

- So there’s not gonna be any actual transformation for the Sophix? They just change their outfits and wings. At least the gifts look cool even though they probably won’t get to use them much. It would have been even better if the warrior fairies would just think for themselves instead of listen to Diana like they don’t have their own brains.

- At least Musa and Riven are getting somewhere. Still not good enough but it’s better than the previous few episodes.

- I thought the Sophix powers were supposed to defeat Diana. How are they gonna do that if they can’t even defeat this other fairy that is surely weaker than her? And they already considered the possibility of it being a trap so why did they fall for it so easily?

4x20:

- Why is the recap implying that Roxy is with them in Amazonia when she stayed behind?

- Flora is getting fired up because of the plants again which I like but it would have been better if it actually allowed her to break out of the chains instead of all of them waiting to be rescued. Also, you have to love how Diana cares more about the source of her power rather than the destruction of the very forest that is her domain.

- Bloom: Let’s destroy it. *3 seconds later* Bloom: Destruction is not the solution to anything. Well, good thing your mood swings were from bad to good mood this time. Also, how do they imagine they are going to protect the bud from anyone that wants to hurt it if they ever want to go back home? Keeping that promise would mean living there for the rest of their lives. Why is this dialogue so decidedly not thought out?

- I thought that thanks to Sophix Winx are now completely connected with nature. What happened with that? I know Diana is the fairy of nature but so is Flora! She should be able to do something here and they should at least be equals with advantage to Winx because they’re more (we don’t count the warrior fairies because we all know that they don’t matter).

- Convenient how feeling nature suffering only happens sometimes and just with close range destruction. If Diana was feeling every tree that was cut down, she shouldn’t have been able to stand on her feet by now. This is bullshit and so is the fact that Flora is not any more useful than any of the other Winx right now. At least Nabu is being awesome again aka doing everyone else’s jobs.

- Great! Now both Flora and Diana are useless.

- Aww, finally we get some fangirling from Stella over Brandon again! I have missed this and it was about damn time. How could they trade this perfection for all the stupid jealousy drama in this season?

- If Diana is the fairy of nature, she should be damn near immortal and in order to destroy her, you should destroy all nature first. This is absolute nonsense. They cut down two trees and now she’s in mortal danger. Some fucking fairy of nature. Please!

- Now Diana went from completely useless to ridiculously and over the top so. If the Major Fairy of nature can’t cure the bud, then what is she even good for, really? This whole episode is bullshit on top of other bullshit.

- Really? There wasn’t even a good moment of revelation. Winx did a lot but it wasn’t their actions that changed her mind, it was the native people and that was just... a bit underwhelming. This could have been done so much better. *sigh*

- “Gift of Wisdom,” they say like there was any wisdom in what happened here. If anything, there was empathy and just general common sense from Winx who were aware of the fact that just because some people do bad things, it doesn’t mean that all people are evil. There is no wisdom in that. Nothing even remotely smart in any of this.

- At least Musa and Riven finally fixed their shit! Riven was being absolutely adorable! He really has his jerk moments but he is awesome and so underappreciated. And all the other couples were adorable as well! Though, I have to say that I love the fact that Bloom accidentally implied that Layla and Nabu are a better couple than her and Sky. XD Thanks, writers! (even if they quickly rebutted that idea with the next dialogue exchange) I will be forever salty about the fact that they didn’t let Layla have the wedding she was so worried about organizing. She is so invested in it and so in love with Nabu and they just... they just went and killed him.

4x21:

- Seriously? Andy and his band barely showed up and the guys already started acting like everything was ruined? When will this be over? I am so sick of it, especially after it was already made super clear that they have nothing to worry about. And how are Winx getting produced so fast? They literally got a producer the same day they formed their band. This does not follow any actual logic.

- Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Suddenly they’re all super talented in music. Of course. And why is Musa acting like she hasn’t been in Jason’s studio before? Come on, writers! That was a big moment of drama for her and Riven. If you insist on shoving jealousy everywhere, at least remember the details around it and stop contradicting yourselves!

- I am pretty sure they also mentioned the musical contest already in a previous episode so they are repeating themselves... again. Can we get back to the Major Fairies? At least things are happening there.

- All their performances have been live! He’s already seen how they do live shows! This is really getting on my nerves.

- Since when is a music band their dream?!?!?!?! And why are the boys being so fucking jealous all over again?!?!?!?! Just. Move. The fuck. ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Great! And now suddenly we went from Bloom and Musa being vocalists to only Bloom even though Musa is THE FUCKING FAIRY OF MUSIC! This episode is testing my patience. Actually, the previous episode did that. This one is running it fucking thin!

- Well, fucking finally! I was wondering when the Wizards were gonna show up again, and this is getting interesting. Though, Ogron kneeling in front of Bloom is just a bit too theatrical for me to not start suspecting that they have a play here. Even if they are truly weakened, that doesn’t mean that they don’t plan on taking advantage of having Winx fight their battle to get their powers back and come out on top again.

- Yep, there was a physical Black Circle, after all. It was just too lame for them not to do it. And they aren’t even going to explain how in the hell all the Wizards’ power is contained in it. The White Circle is a portal (and one of many at that) but the Black Circle is more like the Agathor Box and contains all the Wizards’ power? Yeah, right. None of this checks out. Again.

- Somehow I have a feeling that since the Wizards are with them, they are going to draw attention in one way or another.

- Okay, Winx pushing the Wizards out of harm’s way was actually kinda funny but it just makes the Wizards look fucking incompetent without their magic. Like, please, they are centuries old! They certainly have the common sense of moving out of the way of a boulder that will crush them! And they’re acting like what Winx did was some kind of impossible feat when it was just basic survival instinct. There isn’t much philosophy to “jump out of the way of the thing that can kill you”. Can we stop acting like they solved the biggest mysteries of the universe? But I trust the Wizards less and less the nicer they act.

- I am also getting sick of them acting like the Gift of Heart is landing them some magical levels of courage when any person would have done the exact same things even without magic.

- Well, now the Specialists just seem to have general anger management issues even if those guys were truly annoying as hell in the 10 seconds they had on screen.

- For a second there I thought Morgana would possess Roxy like Nebula did but, thankfully, she didn’t. She’s trying to save her daughter. Which I think would work much better if she told her she was her mom. But anyway, I agree with her this time. Her quest for vengeance and Winx’ attempts to save humankind aside, it is obvious that the Wizards are not being honest about this and will use the first opportunity to turn things in their favor again. They might even be trying to kill Sybila by having Winx get them to her because they can’t reach her on their own.

- And here I thought they couldn’t transform. But of course, they can! It would have been much more interesting if Winx had had to use the Black Circle because their Believix powers weren’t working.

- That was it? I expected more from that battle. And it could have been a test to see if their intentions were good aka having them protecting the Wizards be the part that would prove they only want to help everyone. But it was all over before it began. What even was the point of it?

- Aww, the Specialists are going to play to buy Winx some time. Lmao it would be super stupid if they got chosen for winners instead of Winx and it would probably create more drama. But I think it would have been cooler if Nabu had used his magic to make them all look like their girlfriends and win the first place for them. XD It was cool to see Riven do something like that, though. And he’s singing!

- Tests, my ass. Those were barely any tests. They have been through so much worse back when they were freshmen in Alfea and they also handled it better back then despite being significantly weaker in power.

- Seriously, Stella? Are your comprehension skills damaged or something? Handling the mission without help from magic actually makes you braver, you stupid idiot! And I am so happy that it wasn’t the Gift of Heart in action because that would have made it really underwhelming.

- Yeah, so the Wizards are obviously gonna do some shit here because we all know what happens before the end of this season. But the musical contest was saved. Because that is the most important thing in their lives, apparently.

- I was worried Musa was going to be a bitch about this but they solved this quickly. Good. My tolerance for drama is running out and there are still five episodes left of this season. And Musa was also singing along with Bloom. (I’ll take what I can get since even that will be gone soon.)

- Does Jason know that they’re fairies (which he should) and, more importantly, can he produce them in the rest of the magical dimension? That would have been fun to see. Imagine you are a musical producer and suddenly these fairies appear. They’re good and you sign a contract with them and next thing you know, you’re being taken to different planets because they also want to sing there and your business is suddenly interdimensional. That would have been a good thing to add to this whole ridiculous subplot with the musical band.

4x22:

- Oh, damn! Aurora looks pretty powerful! I just hope that they will do more with her than they did with Diana. And she also seems smart, too, as she came up with the idea of wanting the Wizards as ransom. At least the Fairies of Vengeance haven’t lost it enough to attack Sybila.

- Aww, Tecna’s dress is awesome! I love it!

- Why did they just go separate ways if they were trying to come up with a name for the band. What, are they gonna give up after one suggestion? And can we, please, have someone else other than Bloom come up with the name? Like Musa maybe?

- Oh, yeah, another Ice Age is gonna be a great surprise for their future and an awesome start to their musical career! (But damn, why are Layla and Nabu so cute? Also, wtf is up with Musa? One second she acts like she is totally in love with Riven (she even said he already has her) and then she says she needs to think. Well, if you’re gonna think, think before you say things like that!)

- Okay, but what are the Earth fairies going to do after they destroy Earth? This seems a little counterproductive, just saying.

- I knew the Wizards were planning something. I just can’t tell if Duman was actually hurt or they did it on purpose to be more convincing. However, I think I saw somewhere that he dies in the end of the season so that would suggest that it wasn’t the other Wizards that had him spelled to appear so weak. But damn, they almost looked genuinely worried for him in the beginning there!

- Oh, so Amazonia was too dangerous for Roxy but now that the end of the world is coming up, she can suddenly go to the very center of that shitstorm? Wow, great logic there.

- Yes, good thing that this is happening on Earth so that it can get destroyed rather than the magical dimension.

- Morgana’s strategy here is not very smart. Does she think that she is going to win Roxy over by killing her friends? I know she’s a bit blinded by rage and thirst for vengeance right now but it should click that that will not be in her favor.

- “Well done”? She didn’t hit anything! You’d think that Musa’s sonic waves will be very useful against ice monsters (especially since we’ve seen her shatter Icy’s ice shards with them already)... that is, if she can actually hit any of the monsters with them, which she didn’t. Bloom and Stella’s powers should also be very useful in this situation, yet they somehow seem to not be giving it their all here... And suddenly they got overzealous.

- “Three days ago”? Wtf, Aurora definitely did not launch her attack that long ago. They can’t even keep a solid timeline in one single episode. *exasperated sigh*

- Ah, so brainwashing the polar bears is what Roxy is here for. There were plenty of animals in Amazonia, too, but they benched her on that one. Anyway, I am glad they didn’t fight the bears.

- The Lovix transformation is really annoying me. They couldn’t draw something that is actually appropriate for the cold weather. Obviously they aren’t cold in their fairy forms but if you’re gonna give it fur to make it look warm and wintery, you can actually make it look like something that someone without magic would realistically wear in the winter.

- At least now Bloom and Stella are actually utilizing the advantage of their elements. But Flora is again only using her ivy and it is getting boring. All that magic at her disposal and she uses the same type of attack (even if they give the spells different names) all the time. You might wanna update your repertoire. And wtf was up with Roxy’s attack? Why would blasting at the fairies feet make them fall? Their wings would be the center of their mass so pushing at their feet wouldn’t have much of an effect. Or at least it shouldn’t have because they are flying and not walking but someone in the crew there did not get the memo.

- What do you mean that there is no way out? If there is a way in, there is at least one way out. Also, if you’re at the center of a maze, there should be many paths you can take even if they only temporarily serve as an escape.

- Roxy just used Morgana’s plan of getting rid of only Winx against her. That was great! I am starting to think that she is the only one with a brain here and needs some new mentors because hers might teach her their own stupidity.

- Seriously, they didn’t do that much. They did fight the ice monsters but other than that, their lack of braincells is just astounding. At least this was a little better than the last episode with Sybila’s cave.

- I have to agree with Aurora, they do catch up a little too late. However, Morgana said that no harm should come upon Roxy and they just left Roxy in danger of freezing to death. I’m sure she didn’t mean “make Winx choose between my daughter and mankind”. Hopefully, this will bring out some sense in her.

4x23:

- How is this not putting Roxy in danger? What the fuck did Morgana tell them?! Why is Nebula doing the exact opposite of keeping Roxy safe? Don’t let a hair from her head fall means not let her freeze to death as well! If I were Morgana, I would stop wasting my time on vengeance and take care of my daughter!

- Since when can’t the Earth fairies enter Sybila’s cave?!?!?!?! That is definitely not the reason why they didn’t want to go against her in the previous episode. They just wanted to avoid getting on the wrong side of her. Not to mention that ROXY ENTERED SYBILA’S CAVE! AND SHE IS A TERRESTRIAL FAIRY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT AT THIS POINT, WRITERS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

- Can you shut up with the responsibility speech and start doing something? You’re losing precious seconds!

- Why the fuck is she angering Nebula? Yes, let’s fight while Roxy is fucking freezing to death! And why don’t they just use the Zoomix wings and teleport away?!?!?! It is Aurora’s magic that is freezing over the world. They need to find her. Why are they wasting their time on Nebula anyway?

- And now they’re trapped. How is finding out what Morgana’s relation to Roxy is going to help them at this very moment? I get that they don’t have many other options (or any) but that does not sound like it will grant them a way out. Also, I am pretty sure Bloom was not actually there during the fight she was talking about when Roxy noticed the other fairies weren’t attacking her. Been a few days since I watched that but I am pretty sure Bloom and Stella stayed behind to hold off the ice monsters and weren’t there for Bloom to make the observation she is now stating. Unless Roxy somehow telepathically told her about it, SHE CAN’T KNOW! There hasn’t been a single thing about this episode that is not frustrating so far.

- Bloom managed to buy you time, my ass. She managed to get you trapped when you could have just teleported away! You call that a good move?!

- Yes, just kidnap Roxy. For a moment there I really thought she would. But damn, why can’t she listen to her own daughter? Roxy has been on Earth for the last sixteen years that she missed. I think between the two of them Roxy knows better how humans are.

- What does it matter if it’s an ice rink when they’re going to be flying over it anyway?

- What, that was it? One shot and they’re done? Please, tell me Bloom is going to do something any moment because this episode is gonna make me lose it otherwise!

- What the fuck exhausted them? They haven’t even been fighting for a minute! Nebula is supposed to be super strong and Bloom has the fucking Dragon Fire! If this is all they can do, we need new characters because these just became a fucking joke.

- Nebula is acting like the people gave up on them the second they disappeared which is definitely not what happened and I don’t know what she expected. That people are going to believe in creatures that no one can prove exist until the end of times?

- I get that the Lovix is meant for cold environments but Bloom’s power is the Dragon Fire and she’s been using only ice magic. That’s not how her powers are supposed to work.

- Didn’t Bloom summon her Dragon Fire? Why are there SNOWFLAKES coming out of her hands?!?!?!?!

- Well, at least Morgana has some sense left. Not a lot, but some.

- They don’t need her portal, they have stupid teleportation wings!

- Oh, no. Nabu will be dying soon. And they even had Layla reacting to the Black Gift to foreshadow it. God, I hate this!

- Well, for being one of the Major Fairies, Aurora certainly didn’t do shit.

- Why was there all of that wondering about Morgana’s relation to Roxy when they didn’t make any progress on that front at all?! It was very misplaced especially considering the gravity of the situation it was happening in.

- God, I really hate the writers right now. They really included that scene with Nabu telling Layla everything is going to be fine as long as they’re together right before killing him? That is EVIL!

- We all agree that this ring moment there means that Stella and Brandon are now engaged, right? I mean, it would make sense that he’d want to show her she is the only one for him after all the jealousy bullshit in this season.

4x24:

- Riiiiight. The Wizards seem so dangerous without their powers... Oh, wait! We’ve never actually seen them do anything without their powers. And they needed Winx to rescue them from the falling rocks instead of just following their innate survival instincts and ducking out of the way. Sure, seem real dangerous to me.

- Was that a portal Nabu just opened? And why can’t he try the magic at Sybila’s cave? Why do they need to go to Gardenia when he could just do it there?

- Yep, it’s a portal. He’s never opened portals before but sure he can do it now all of a sudden!

- Didn’t they have to go underground last time to open the gate to Tir Nan Og? But of course, who needs consistency? On anything.

- Yes, the Wizards were going to be defeated by a flock of crows. Damn, how dangerous they are!

- The Circle is the door to the black abyss? What the hell does that mean?!

- Wait... Their wings grew back after the Wizards cut them off?! Wow. Way to make none of this lasting. Yes, they were trapped for centuries but if anything, that gave their wings time to grow back. Even if they’d been free, it would have still sucked without wings and it could have diminished their power greatly to the point where they wouldn’t have been much more than ordinary humans. Honestly, the writers are running from writing proper trauma and consequences of it every single time except the one when they killed off Nabu and then let it stick. THAT was what they should have taken back! The fairies would have been much more terrifying without wings and drawing into their nature powers to the point of starting to destroy Earth in order to compensate for the magic taken away from them and defeat the Wizards. But nope, they got their wings back.

- I wonder if Morgana would have still been quite as welcoming of Roxy if she weren’t her daughter. Considering the way she instantly went against Winx in the name of her revenge despite the fact that they saved her, I’m gonna say no.

- Nabu is basically the alternative medicine guy you turn to when doctors keep stuffing you with meds without actually having any idea what they are trying to do aka curing the symptoms, not the disease. But is this the confirmation that Duman did this on his own? He purposefully used his powers so much as to appear sick and make the Wizards look more sympathetic? Cause they kinda went off the radar and there was no reason for him to have been shapeshifting so much otherwise. Edit: yep, he did it to himself.

- And the Nabu and Riven bromance is going on strong. Makes me even madder that they killed him off.

- Lmao, they really believed the Wizards though. I was gonna say this was the dumbest thing they’ve ever done but they’ve done plenty of dumb things. Also, don’t tell me - Nabu’s sudden ability to open portals will be used now to warn the fairies.

- Did Nabu just perform an exorcism that ended up killing Duman? Damn, talk about harsh.

- “They must be at the castle” really narrows this down. Also, why tf is Morgana acting like the Black Circle is the ring she’s always wanted? If it were me, I would make sure it never sees the light of day again if it couldn’t be destroyed. But since they said that there were other White Circles that were destroyed, then the Black Circle can probably be destroyed as well. So fucking destroy it already!

- Yeah, these guardian fairies are definitely doing a great job.

- Is he trying to trap them again? Didn’t he already try that? He’s just upgraded it a little bit now but do we really believe there won’t be any coming back for all these fairies? Let me guess, no one important will actually get sucked in then.

- Yes, Tecna, we couldn’t tell that the vortexes suck you into a dimension of hell. Thanks for your input.

- Oh, damn! Nabu sucking the entire abyss into his staff was super epic and some finale level moment, I have to say. I am surprised they didn’t save it up for then.

- “These eyes, Layla, mustn’t cry”?????? What kind of epic goodbye is that?!?!?! How could they break my heart so much?!?!??!?! I am fucking crying over here!!!!!

- “These eyes will never cry again.” Well, maybe but I am fucking bawling over here! And Ogron... that was the biggest dick move anyone in the entire series has ever pulled. And of course, Layla is the one suffering from this. @ the writers - Leave her the fuck alone!!!!!!!

- “Until he wakes up again”? Isn’t he dead? Does she mean reincarnation? Wtf does that line mean??????

- I hate Layla’s decision. Not just because she instantly switched over to revenge which is really... I don’t want to say hypocritical but that’s what it was. She’s been fighting the Earth fairies for a couple of episodes now because she didn’t believe they were right to seek revenge but once she is in pain and wronged, suddenly revenge is the answer to everything. And the fact that she abandoned her friends so easily almost makes it look like she’s choosing love over friendship which is just so tired. Not to mention that she knows very well Nabu wouldn’t have wanted her to turn hateful. I know we can’t help our feelings, but we can help our actions because we have control of those. She didn’t have to jump on revenge train after she’s been fighting the Earth fairies from doing the same.

4x25:

- If Riven doesn’t throw a fit over this, it would be OOC. But until then I’ll take him crying. As sad as this is, I love that he just reacts so openly to Nabu’s death because they were really close. (Also, yes, Bloom, we know you never thought any of you could die. If it had occurred to you that it was possible, you all would have made smarter choices. Hopefully.)

- Layla is being absolutely baffling. She left her friends but then she asks if they need Morgana’s permission to do something that she knows Morgana will never let them do.

- Didn’t Roxy’s dream sort of imply that Morgana got trapped in the mirror? As if it is some sort of gateway which would leave her “close but far away”? Or was that not a dream and we didn’t see Roxy’s dream, she just retold it?

- How the fuck does Sky know that about the Hall? When has he been in the castle? When has he read the Book of Fairies (which I don’t think even had a layout of the Tir Nan Og castle)? This doesn’t make sense!

- Well, Morgana did not choose her court well. They turned against her instead of being loyal just because they don’t like her decision. Honestly, if they aren’t going to take orders, why even be there?

- Wow, Bloom gave a really good argument. We could have used a mic drop over here!

- The writers have already proven they don’t care about semantics but the Wizards are Nabu’s killers/murderers, not assassins. Assassination requires political motives. That was pure cruelty.

- Wow, Layla is really the one being all “you replaced me” even though she was the one who left! Not to mention that it’s not like they only now invited Roxy to be one of them. They said she was with them way back in the first half of the season and Roxy has earned her place with them since she never abandoned them even though she knew that could put her in danger as well.

- Winx are being surprisingly wise about this. Excluding Layla, that is. Although I have to say that when they thought Tecna died in season 3, they were all on board with revenge against Valtor even though he was less directly responsible for that than the Wizards were for Nabu’s death. Hopefully, that’s what made them learn because they almost died back then.

- Wow, Roxy didn’t even question Morgana being her mom for a moment. I know she’s felt connected to her but she’s never known anything about her mom and finally learning who she is doesn’t evoke any more reaction than “cereal for breakfast” would.

- Love how Tecna isn’t having any traumatic memories triggered by being back in the Omega dimension where she almost died!

- Yes, Layla. Get yourself killed as well. I know you don’t care but there are other people who loved you besides Nabu and who you still love. At least all the other fairies besides Nebula stepped down. But Morgana’s move to just ask them to come home and even offer to abdicate was really touching.

4x26:

- Can I just say how lame it is to call 4x26 “Ice and Fire” when 1x26 was “Fire and Ice”?

- Wasn’t Anagan the fast one? Literally super speed. How come he’s the first one to run out of energy to run? It is literally his magical power and specialty!

- Layla and Nebula should stop blasting stuff because they’ll either run out of magic or cause a cave in. Either way, they’ll boost up the chances of their own death.

- Ogron can still absorb powers. Didn’t that disappear at some point? Also, why were they running if they were perfectly capable of defeating Layla and Nebula?

- Does this mean that Layla will stop with the vengeance agenda and come back to the club? Please!

- Aaaaand they caused a cave in! Wow, didn’t see that coming! Also, the only reason the Wizards hid in Omega was so that the final battle wouldn’t destroy Tir Nan Og or Gardenia and they get delivered to the prison dimension where they belong instantly! In fact, they delivered themselves. Someone just had to deep freeze them.

- Yeah, right. Nebula suddenly changed her mind. Like, there was no trigger to this change or reason behind it. If Morgana’s speech didn’t touch her, then nearly getting herself and Layla killed shouldn’t have had much more effect. The writers should have left her there as a way for her to ensure the Wizards will never get free. It would have made more sense for her character at this point since she was the one that gave up on being the fairy of peace. Someone else could have taken that one on.

- What did Morgana mean by “release your magic”? They didn’t give it up, did they? Only let it imbue the world again and work in harmony with it once more, right?

- Eh, did Nebula really deserve being queen after her horrible judgment that could have cost the lives of all the fairies? And she only changed her mind once the Wizards were defeated. What would have happened if they’d gotten away? She probably would have still chased them. Also, does this mean Roxy is not the princess of Tir Nan Og anymore? She certainly is too young and inexperienced to rule and she didn’t want to be a fairy (though that is probably resolved by now) but maybe one day she’ll want to be the fairy queen. Though, I think Nebula won’t have a problem with that. How long do Earth fairies live, though? Because they’ve been saying they have been trapped for centuries.

- Tbh Morgana had the most reason to be mad considering the family the Wizards took away from her but I am glad she chose to put her efforts towards said family rather than revenge.

- They really forgot about the pets? Stella is really gonna throw a fit this time. But there is no rest from the pets and the business.

- If the pets form a music band, I will throw a fit.

- Oh, wow! Sky remembered his royal duties and the Specialists are actually still going to school? You’d think they would’ve thrown them out by now. Though, I guess this was an official mission.

- It must have been really tough on Layla to tell Nabu’s parents about his death instead of their wedding.

- Faragonda showed up? I cannot believe it! But why the hell would Roxy decide to go to Alfea right now? She just got her mother and they have so much catching up to do. Besides, Morgana can certainly teach her all there is to being a fairy considering how she was the queen of all Earth fairies.

- Are the girls really thinking they can balance a business, a musical career and being guardians of the magical dimension? This is not ambitious. It is madness. Also, they never picked a name for the band, did they?

- I am surprised by how long they took to wrap this season up. At least it paid off as they managed to cover all the things that needed covering after the last battle. Some better than others but it was decent as far as endings go.

This season suffered from some major pacing issues. The first half dragged along too much with the tons of jealousy and relationship drama that took up screen time that could have been used for something productive instead and the second half could have used more time to flesh out some plot points and use some characters and situations to their full potential. There was definitely way too much going on in this season with the pet shop, the music band, the relationship drama, the Wizards of the Black Circle, Roxy and the Earth Fairies. They could have easily cut the band and the romantic drama to give the important elements time to shine. The Wizards were used very chaotically in the first half of the season and nearly disappeared from the second half. The battle with the Major Fairies could have definitely used more space and better utilization of some of the fairies (aka Aurora). There was some good action but even that lacked logic at a lot of points. There was too much going on in terms of magical transformations in this season but that was balanced somewhat well and was probably the best done part of the whole season. I will never forgive the crime that killing off Nabu was because it was just unnecessary.

[ardenttheories]

I don't expect a super serious answer from this, but I'm just curious. in a perfect world, how would hs^2 be written? do you have any particular headcanons or plot lines that would be interesting to explore? I understand the hesitation in answering a question like this, because other people might try to discredit your critiques under the guise of "well its not ur headcanons so that's why ur mad". anyways, just curious because I respect your perspective and ideas

In complete honesty? The first thing I would consider vital is a diverse team of people - genuinely diverse - to consider every point of representation with. I’m talking people of different races (to avoid the anti-black coding of Gamzee), with mental illnesses (to avoid the ableism in both Gamzee and Dirk), with different gender identities (to more accurately and healthily portray Jade, Roxy, Vriska, June - any character we could feasibly want to make trans or nonbinary), with different romanticisms and sexualities (so that we could write genuine MLM and WLW relationships without falling into homophobic pitfalls; to avoid biphobic stereotypes), and overall, with different traumatic experiences and triggers (so that we could more accurately gauge what triggers would need to be tagged and how to go over them in an appropriate and respectful manner).

We could never be 100% perfect, but with a team like that, we could at least get close to it. 

Additionally, I’d bring back either fan prompts or closely listen to fan theories and conversations. Homestuck^2 was touted to be written with the fandom in mind; to consider the direction we were asking it to go in, while basing it around a general barebones structure. I’d want to make sure we were including as much of that in as humanly possible. So, if a fan theory seemed like it’d fit into the story? I’d want to include that with the rest of the text; if the fans liked a specific character? I’d want to try and include them more often. Little things to show that we’re listening and that we’re writing the story WITH the fans - like how early Homestuck used to be.

On an actual storyline basis, I really do love the concept of Meat and Candy; that there’s one timeline that goes off the rails and one that is very rigidly stuck to a track. I wouldn’t want to change that concept entirely, but I would want to make it more palpatable for people to read. 

This would mean, for me, absolutely getting rid of anything to do with Yiffany. I’d completely replace that with Dave and Jade having a child together via ectobiology; how Jade has to raise their child in Dave’s absence after he goes missing, how that affects her, who she turns to for comfort and help. 

I’d want to focus Candy more on that feeling of helplessness and dissociation. On John feeling adrift in a world that doesn’t quite connect with him, that doesn’t entirely feel real; how that would affect his relationships, his friends, his family. In this timeline, all of the rebellion stuff would be completely background to the interpersonal connections everyone has (the things that supposedly don’t matter, as is the point of Candy), with much more emphasis on how useless and frivolous the whole war is. It’d get to a point where nobody actually knows why they’re fighting anymore except for the fact that they are, and that even Jane, who started it out of a genuine fear for the human race, is getting tired of it, is losing resources, is starting to realise that she’s drifting away from her own child. 

A truce would be garnered, started by Jane who just very much wants to reconnect with her son, with Karkat taking on the role as troll emissiary. It features long talks in a large, empty room, pouring over papers, where Jane admits that she doesn’t actually know what anyone is up to these days, how long it’s been since she’s seen her husband, since she’s seen John, and Karkat quietly confesses that it’s been several years since he’s seen Dave or Jade, and that he misses them both. 

After that, a lot of the content of Candy would focus on healing. They would get back to their happily ever after, even though some things would never be the same, and there would still be inconsequentialities. It would also correspond with John coming to the slow realisation that he really doesn’t need a plot to be happy at all; that just because it doesn’t matter to the overarching story doesn’t mean it can’t matter to him. 

The Candy timeline, therefore, would close early; it would fade from our view just as Dirk feared, but it would be happy and content, and free from any further meddling. I’d essentially want to enforce this idea that, yes, we can still have happy endings - even if they aren’t “full of meaning”. They can still be satisfying.

The Meat timeline, on the other hand, would have a significant focus on Dirk and his attempts to continue the plot. I think it would be fun, admittedly, if nothing went the way he thought it would. That after all of his villany and his acceptance of destruction in order to facilitate something he thought would be better, he actually just lost complete and utter control. 

The plot isn’t something that he alone can continue. It’s created with character conflict, with motivations and rises and falls and losses and gains; trying to recreate SBURB, to try and restart the cycle, isn’t what a plot needs to be. It isn’t what he thinks it will do. 

I’m unsure if you’ve seen this recently, but there’s been a lot of fanwork around the Lord!Jake English idea that went around several years back (when people saw the Caliborn sona). Now, this I’d want to put into it. 

Jake, fed up with being stepped on, walked over, hurt, suffering from the trauma of being completely and utterly ruined by Dirk, absolutely flips shit. He chases after Dirk to seek revenge, to cut short whatever bullshit he’s trying to do, and therefore much of the comic becomes this constant back and forth with an increasing fear for Dirk the closer Jake gets as he traverses Paradox Space.

It’s very much clear that when Jake arrives, Dirk will lose. There’s no question about it. Nobody suggests that anything else will happen. There’s several arguments on Meat’s Earth C over whether or not they should try to stop Jake, or let him stop Dirk - and whether or not Jake will calm down afterwards or continue his rampage. 

In the end, Dirk fails. Jake catches up to him, and just before he hits the killing blow, the entire thing goes dark. Our narrator dead, the plot abandoned; there is nothing more to see. This I would want to use to enforce the idea that, yes, plot can still be satisfying as hell and still have integral moments and be heavy and harsh - but it can also end in a way that leaves open questions because that shows that it isn’t the best ending you can get. 

And then we jump back to Terezi, using her Seer powers. Both timelines have been her trying to use her powers to See what’s in store, where she should go, what she should do. She’s still floating through Paradox Space, looking for Vriska, and as such she’s met with this... sort of internal dilemma. 

She knows, now, that the chances of her dying out here are high. She also knows that even if she does survive, she’s pretty much never going to see Vriska again anyway. She knows there’s a chance at a happier relationship with John, and that the only way she can get that is if she somehow manages to make a timeline where Meat and Candy merge together at once. 

So, she flies back. She manages to arrive on Earth C the day of John’s big decision, and interrupts him before he can go to the picnic. Through their dialogue, John gets it stuck in his head that, hey, there’s something BIGGER out here that you need to do, but you need to do that amazing thing again where you make a third Choice.

When John arrives at the picnic, he decides to eat some of the pumpkin instead - to which you might be thinking, what pumpkin? The one he put there, of course, using his retcon powers.

So we start on the Pumpkin timeline, written entirely in the 1st person narrative from John’s POV. It’s a completely biased interpretation of what’s going on, but it’s honest to John’s own thoughts and feelings, too, allowing everyone to act the way they usually would do without any influence, but still having a narrative touch. 

It shows John actively fighting to free the timeline from Dirk’s and Alternate Calliope’s narrative controls, those little hooks they’ve planted in it since time began, with a lot of back-and-forth as the two talk to John through the narration (which, he hears their voices as thoughts in his head). 

John attempts to free them both from their own biases and chains, encouraging Alternate!Calliope to leave the space she’s isolated herself in and join Earth C while convincing Dirk to undo the bullshit villain schtick he’s on (and that plot or no plot, there’s still a reason worth living for). 

It’d be a timeline filled with references back to original Homestuck (and funny quips from both Alternate!Calliope and Dirk along the way), a lot of morality discussion, plenty of theorising on narrative control and arcs and the placement of plot and fluff in a satisfying story, and have plenty of representation and romance and hints towards kids, too (such as nonbinary RoxyJaneCallie, DaveJadeKat, aromantic Jake, JohnDirk [because I couldn’t stop myself, honestly, with how their Classpects work so well hand in hand], and definitely RoseMary being the first to adopt a child that they absolutely do not call Vriska). 

It’d fill plotholes the fandom wants to be filled, and it’d have drama, of course, in the form of figuring out a way to destroy Lord English that doesn’t inherently lead to the Candy timeline. But it’d go back and forth between the heavy, plot-filled moments and the slower, relationship-based moments, with more humanising and development of Dirk and Alternate!Calliope and John as rounded characters.

That’s the best my tired mind can come up with right now. It’s something I’ve daydreamed about a lot, actually; how I’d rewrite Homestuck^2, or what my own ending to Homestuck would be using it as a foundation. I hope it makes sense! It’s a fun little thought experiment, honestly.

[elletromil]

Pawnshop of curios meets old lady’s house

For @limrxspeaks and @stronglyobsessed

Enjoy the crack based on this post

Pawnshop of curios meets old lady’s house

Everyone is eying up James suspiciously as he pushes the gift towards Harry with a devilish grin. Even Harry is cautious as he starts to tear away the wrapping paper. He kind of regrets agreeing to participate in the Secret Santa exchange this year, but it’s so rare that he’s home around the holiday and not away on a mission. He had wanted to selfishly indulged in the good cheer with his friends. Pretend at a bit of normalcy.

The bland cardboard box that is revealed doesn’t give him any clue as to what the hell is making James giggle maniacally. Even Bors is edging away from him at this point and Bors has never had much survival instincts to speak of, just the most phenomenal luck.

But Harry refuses to show fear in front of all the other Knights. He’s got a reputation to uphold after all.

He slides the thing out of his box and after a moment of puzzlement joins James in his merriment.

“James, my good man, this is absolutely glorious.”

Judging by the groans from all the others, he’s the only one who seems to think so.

Whatever.

They’re probably only jealous not to be in possession of such a distinguished toilet seat.

***

Since it’s the second year in a row that he’s home around Christmas time, Harry had decided to show good manners and host the neighborhood party. And his decision really stemmed from the fact that he thinks community is important and not because he is bored and in need of cheap entertainment, no matter what Merlin said.

Anyway, Merlin really doesn’t have any ground to speak considering he accepted Harry’s invitation. And he’s the one gleefully keeping up a tally of how many children runs out of the loo in tears.

For someone who complains about the Knights’ juvenile behaviour daily, Merlin isn’t showing much maturity himself.

But then again, it’s Christmas. The man deserves a break.

And if he’s in a good mood, it means he’ll probably take Harry on for a little wager.

After all, Harry can’t be the only one interested in knowing which will be mentionned to him more, Mr Pickle taxidermy mount or the butterfly toilet seat.

And if not, well, the poorly disguised horror in everyone’s tone is amusing all on its own.

***

“Is that a dead monkey paw?”

Percival has always been a hard man to read, but after years of friendship, Harry thinks he’s showing genuine curiosity and not shocked disquiet like Mrs Hardwood from two houses down did the last time she had to use his loo.

“It is! My great-grand-uncle died last month and I got this in his will.” He had felt bad that he hadn’t had the time for a visit before the old man kicked the bucket, but George clearly hadn’t hold it against him. Or else he wouldn’t have left him such a cherished item.

“Hmm.” It’s apparently enough to satisfy Percival’s curiosity and he takes his seat back at the table as they continue trying to find a connection in a string of suspicious fires in Bristol.

He’s so used to Percival’s silences that he startles minutely when he speaks again.

“Did anyone ever tell you that your place looks like ‘pawnshop of curios’ meets ‘old lady’s house’?”

“No, never!” Not in those exact terms anyway. And it’s never been meant as the compliment Percival obviously intend it to be. “Thank you!”

The slight upward turn of Percival’s lips can only be called a smile as he nods politely.

***

“We were all very saddened to hear about Harry’s passing,” one of Eggsy’s new neighbours is telling him at the small wake he is holding for the man. The woman he assumes is his wife nods in agreement, but just a bit too fast to be sincere.

Not that they look happy about Harry’s death. Just kind of... relieved.

It’s still enough to make him want to yell at them and kick them out of the house, but like it or not, those people are going to be his neighbours from now on. He doesn’t want to start a fight, especially not today.

“So, what change do you think you’ll bring to the house?” The woman asks and for a moment Eggsy can only stare at her blindly. Changes? She thinks he’s going to change anything?

Why the hell would he do that? This house and everything inside is the only thing he has left of Harry.

Sure most of it is weird and some stuff is even downright creepy, but no. No he’s not changing anything. When his dad died, he only had a crappy medal to hold on to since his mum got rid of everything else in her grief. He’s not making the same kind of mistake.

Before he can say anything however he hears a few gasp and even the tell-tale ‘thump’ a body hitting the floor. He turns toward the entrance and freezes.

Because there, standing in the middle of the living room like he owns the place, is Harry Hart.

“Ha- Harry?”

It’s only when Harry’s eye fell on him and the other man smile with delight that Eggsy realises the meek voice had been his.

“Eggsy,” there are whole worlds of meaning in the way he says his name but their reunion is rather abruptly interrupted when one of the neighbour rudely points at Harry and starts to splutter.

“You! You’re, you’re supposed to be dead!”

Harry barely spares the man a glance before dismissing him, making his way to Eggsy. But, ever the gentleman, he still answer the wild claim.

“I’m afraid that reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”

There’s another ‘thump’ as another neighbour faints.

***

Eggsy groans when he notices a new addition in the loo after coming back from his latest mission.

Sure the plaque is very tasteful, something that fits well with the more... ‘traditionnal’ part of the decor, like the pined butterflies. At least until one reads what is says.

“Harry! I thought we agreed to consult each other before adding anything new?”

Harry leans his head out of the kitchen, confusion writ all over his face.

“What are you talking about?” Eggsy narrows his eyes, but this is not Harry trying to be innocent. Mostly because Harry, for all his skills as a spy, is completely incapable of faking innocence. Whenever he tries, he only looks like a little shit.

“The plaque?”

“Oh! Oh that was a ‘welcome-back-from-the dead’ gift from Roxy. I didn’t think you would mind.” Harry looks genuinely sorry there. Which means he looks like a kicked puppy and Eggsy feels any residual frustration evaporates.

Anyway, it’s obviously Roxy’s fault. “It’s okay, I just wasn’t expecting that.” But then again maybe he should have. All of their friends like enabling Harry’s weird decorating taste. “Let’s just make sure Daisy conitnues to use the bathroom upstairs.”

Because his mum definitely won’t appreciate Daisy getting nightmare from the omnious ‘If you complain you will be added to the collection‘ that has been engraved on the plaque.

[luvrpop]

advil in the bathroom

source: homestuck pairing: n/a requested: yes tws: over the counter drugs (advil) word count: 1498 synopsis: dave gets an eyestrain headache, and goes on an epic quest for advil extra: shoutout to my discord server buddies for lending me some help with their master rap lyricism

There are some days where things suck.

Those are the days where you stay in your room and no one sees you until dinner, or until you decide that boredom will kill you faster than just sucking it up and hanging out in the presence of other people. You say that you make your best music on those days, although your brothers would probably disagree. To that you would respond that creativity comes from necessity or some shit, and Dirk would tell you that the saying is “necessity is the mother of invention” while Hal explains why that doesn’t apply to your situation at all. They’ll still listen to your demo at 3 AM that night, and they’ll still tell you that they like it. You know they might be lying just a teensy bit, but it’ll still boost your ego. 

But not every day is like that.

Your name is Dave Strider, and today actually hasn’t been that bad. 

You’ve been playing Minecraft with your friends all morning, which is one of your favorite things to do. You finally proposed to your best friend June, who doubles as your minecraft-gf-now-fiance, and the realm has been busy with wedding preparations. It’s been the ultimate will they won’t they of the century, and Roxy had been bothering you non stop about “putting a ring on it” for forever. Rose is going to be your best man, naturally, and Jade is going to be June’s. Dirk’s going to be the officiary. Hal spawned 64 diamond hoes as a wedding gift. It’s going to be fuckin’ awesome. 

For now, you turn off your computer and push away from your desk. You rub the bridge of your nose, hoping to stave away a headache from staring at your computer for so long that you know is inevitable. Rose has offered to buy you blue light tint shit for your shades, but you’re not interested in fucking up the lenses like that. Plus, you’re no bitch. You suck it up and head out to the kitchen like always, to rummage through the junk cabinet for an Advil or something. Hal is already seated at the island, reading something. He looks up when you enter the room, and you both nod in greeting.

June asked you once if it’s weird for you to have a robot for a brother. You had replied that you already had a robot for a brother so it’s no big deal, but you both knew that you weren’t serious. On top of it being sick as fuck to be able to say that your big brother is a super genius who built a super genius AI and then a fully functioning body for said AI, you just really like the guy. Plus, he helps keep things organized. Without him, you’d never know where anything is. Dirk isn’t messy, really the opposite. He’s very particular about where things go. The problem is that his idea of where welding supplies go is in the cabinet next to the fridge, where you adamantly believe dishes should be. And so on.

After a minute or two of fruitlessly searching for pain relief, Hal finally speaks.

“What are you looking for?” He asks, not looking up from his book. 

“Advil,” you say, shoving receipts and a neti pot back into the cabinet.

“I see. Check the bathroom.”

“Why?” The fuckin’ cabinet won’t close. “It’s always been in here.”

“Dirk was on a reorganization campaign this morning. You really missed out, dude.” He responds, watching in a bemused fashion as you do mad mental gymnastics to figure out how to stack empty inhaler boxes in a way that will let the cabinet door close.

“Yeah, okay, cool, but like-” You have to pause to catch the bottle of Pepto Bismol that you should have known wouldn't fare well on top of a bunch of empty boxes. “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it or whatever. Now I’m gonna die of eye strain, man, and Dirk’s gonna laugh at my funeral.”

“You know that saying doesn’t apply to him.” Hal says, and you know he’s right. Dirk’s more of an “if it ain’t broke, fix it weekly as to assure it remains unbroken” sort of guy. You snort, and finally get the door closed. Hal pats your shoulder (awkwardly, because the guy doesn’t understand physical affection for the life of him. You appreciate the gesture anyway.) as you walk by, and you begrudgingly make your way to the bathroom. The door is locked when you get there, and you jiggle the handle, just to be obnoxious 

“Dave, I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop jiggling the doorknob,” Dirk snaps from the other side of the door. 

You snort, and jiggle more aggressively.

“Dave.” “I have a headache.”

Dirk makes a sound that is halfway between exasperated and confused. “I- Okay?” 

“A big dumbass moved the Advil into the shitter, and I have a headache. So hurry up or unlock the door,” 

“Dude.”

“Unless you’re taking a shit. Are you taking a shit, Dirk?”

Silence.

“Dude, el mayo.” You can see Dirk’s face scrunch up at that. He hates you and Roxy’s incessant need to say acronyms out loud in stupid ways in your head. “Why’d you even move it? Did you just wake up randomly thinking: 'Hey, I know what I'll do! I'm just gonna obliterate Dave’s afternoon by holding his salvation hostage and then shitting near it? That’s really fucked up, man,”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but the cabinet in the bathroom is literally called a medicine cabinet. This was inevitable.”

You kick the door half heartedly before stalking back into your room. You know he’ll bring you the medicine when he’s done, but you feel the tingles of a fire track coming on.

Fifteen minutes later, after turning down the Advil and locking yourself in your room, you’re convinced you’ve got the hottest shit since the meteor shower that killed the dinosaurs, headache long forgotten. You usher Dirk and Hal into the cramped bathroom (it takes a while to get them to comply, but you assure them that this shit will be legendarily mind blowing. And really, who could resist that?), and Hal calls sitting on the toilet lid. You’re obviously standing in the shower, so that leaves Dirk to sit on the floor. 

“Couldn’t we have done this in the living room?” Dirk complains, interrupting you as you go to start the backing track (it’s the Minecraft opening theme, with some shitty bass over it.).

“It’s atmospheric, Dirk.” Hal replies, shaking his head.

“Yeah, duh,” You agree. “Now shut the fuck up, I’m about to take you to school.

Check it. Yo, I’m chillin’ on the comp but my head starts splittin’ Messin’ with my game, and fuckin’ up my sittin’ It’s bad, it’s mad, like an angry dad But it ain’t nothin’ compared to the rhymes that I’m spittin’

So I log out, get up, and leave my room My head’s killin’ me, I’m dyin’, y’know I gotta zoom Roll up into the kitchen, I’m cryin’, tearin’ out my hair So imagine my surprise when that shit ain’t there

Who the fuck locked my Advil up in the shitter? The fuck is your problem, I’ll vague you on Twitter I got a hundred followers, you forgot that I’m famous, They’re willing and ready to tear you a new anus.”

You’re about to continue creaming these suckers, but Dirk cuts you off before you can.

“Okay kiddo, I hear you, good god, sit down Is this bathroom a circus? Cause you’re actin’ a clown

I’m so sorry to tell you- Even Hal can attest- I’m so sorry for shitting This bitch has got IBS

I’ll spare you the details- My shit’s soaking wet- But may I remind you?  That’s a medicine cabinet

So before you go cryin’ ‘I’m dying, I’m dying!’ Just study my flow,  Cause that shit’s inspiring”

Oh, hell no. Not in your bathroom. Time to go fucking crazy.

“Eyes wildin’, I’m freestylin’ I’m crushin’ cube bitches, I’ll minecraft you some stitches Relief should be accessible, Otherwise that shit is unethical,

So you better say you’re sorry For puttin’ my drugs above the potty,”

This time, it’s Hal interrupting Dirk.

“Firstly, Dave, shawty, That don’t rhyme with potty To pay for these lessons? You’ll need a scholly 

Your flow is vile, shit’s juvenile I think I’ve heard better from Terezi’s reptile

You’re frying my circuits, This shit is trash If I was organic, you’d give me a rash

I’ve got something to say,  I’ll say it concisely: Shut the fuck up! I’m not asking nicely,”

Well shit. Hal’s got it on lock. You and Dirk groan, and the song ends. Hal always gets the last word. 

The three of you will argue for the rest of the night over who wons (you did, obviously), and you’ll have a shitty microwaved dinner.

Today wasn’t so bad at all.

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 11 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: We continue to be honored and thrilled by the responses to this story. Thank you so much to anyone who’s giving us feedback! Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: Courtney’s first day ended less eventfully than it began (thank god), and Violet got a very enticing invite from Pearl.  

This Chapter: Violet prepares for her big date, and we meet a ravishing supermodel.

***

Violet turned on the shower, her delicate hand testing the water, waiting for it to grow hot. She had occupied one of the bathrooms in the apartment, spending the evening on a self-pampering session that had been desperately needed. Who knew that having someone helping her do her job would create twice as much work? It was only the second day of having Courtney in the office, and Violet felt like a babysitter. No wonder her predecessor hadn’t stuck around to train her.

The bathroom was filled with the sweet scent of lavender as Violet had lit several candles.

Violet stepped into the spray, sighing in relief as the hot water beat down on her sore shoulders and back. So much had happened today, everything running around in her head as she released her hair, covered it in a hair mask. No matter how much she tried to keep her thoughts away, they kept turning to Pearl. Violet bit her lip. Pearl had asked her out. Actually asked her out. She turned around, letting the spray wash over her face, a flush creeping into her cheeks as she was aching with arousal. Pearl always tore her apart with a single look, and it was driving Violet insane.

They had been so close in the office, Pearl’s hand so warm on her arm.

Violet bit her lip again, shame washing over her as she reached up and grabbed the shower head, leaning back against the wall. Was she really doing this? Her breath was already coming in short gasps as she spread the folds of her sex, careful not to damage herself with her perfectly manicured nails.

Pearl had smelled so good, ready to eat, sweet as a flower with her own scent lingering just underneath. Violet wanted nothing more than to bury her face in Pearl’s neck, disappear into the other’s hair. Violet knew with certainty that Pearl’s breasts would be perfect, they would fit so well in her hands, taste perfect if she kissed them.

Violet moaned as the spray hit her, her entire body already humming. She wanted Pearl so badly, wanted to get fucked by the blonde like she had never wanted anyone else before.

“F-fuck… Fuck.”

Violet bit her lip hard, the steady and hard spray beating against her making her legs tremble, her tits so full, her nipples so hard they ached as she imagined what Pearl would look like between her legs. Violet clawed at the wall as orgasm hit her, her vision blinding out for a second which made her throw the shower head away, not even the high of her orgasm helping against the ice cold dread collecting in her stomach.

She just had one of the best orgasms of her life thinking about Pearl and Violet had never been more fucked in her life.

***

Katya was humming to herself as she listened to “Dreaming” by Blondie on her headphones, making her way from the elevator to the design department at Galactica. It was Wednesday around lunch and Katya was finished with her half day at the community center.

Katya sneaked into the design department, a big smile on her face when she realized that Trixie was bent over Jovan’s desk, completely gone from the world as he was busy doing the math for the pattern of a dress so it could be sent off to their tailors.

Katya giggled to herself, shushing everyone in the department she made eye contact with before placing her hands over Trixie’s eyes.

“Peek-a-boo, guess who!”

“Argh!” Trixie jumped, his knee slamming into the table he was sitting at. “Fuck!”

“Oh my god, babe, are you okay?”

They could hear laughter from all around them as everyone in the design department had seen the mishap, which made Trixie and Katya laugh as well. Katya giggled as she sat down next to Trixie, giving him a quick kiss.

“Hey…”

“Hey.” Trixie smiled, happy to see Katya who gently patted down his short brown hair, covering Trixie’s emerging bald spot. “What are you doing here?”

“I never see you anymore, so I brought lunch.”

Trixie nodded, stretching a little, his bones popping as he got into a proper upright position.

“I just need to finish this, okay? Then I’ll be there.”

Katya smiled, giving Trixie another kiss. “I’ll be in your office, but don’t take too long, or the food will get cold.” Katya discreetly showed Trixie the inside of her gigantic Hello Kitty bag and Trixie saw not one, not two, but three brown paper bags from McDonald’s.

“You know what, this can wait.”

Trixie's lunch break was spent in his office, Katya’s laptop on the table in front of them, playing Pocahontas as they made their way through the greasy and, frankly, perfect food.

***

“Hieeeee…”

A tall, statuesque blonde with huge hair, amazing pink Louboutins, and a turquoise pencil skirt stood in the doorway.

Courtney looked up, grateful to have a distraction from the lecture she was getting on Violet about meeting protocols. She’d been drilling her about everyone’s refreshment preferences, getting extremely irritated when Courtney couldn’t remember whether Alyssa liked regular or sugar-free Red Bull, and even more annoyed when Courtney suggested that sometimes people’s tastes change, so she’d just bring in a bigger selection.

“Hi, Alaska,” Violet said. “Are those the new samples?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Courtney grinned, eyes lighting up happily. Ah, this was the SVP of Cosmetics that she’d been excited to meet. Which meant that the bag in her hand was full of samples of their new makeup line. Courtney was practically dancing in her seat as she held out her hand.

“Hi! I’m Courtney, Miss Fame’s new assistant!” she chirped, and Alaska turned to her with a bright smile.

“Hello there, Courtney, I’m Alaska. I absolutely adore that top! What a great print!”

Courtney glanced down at her shirt, a fitted button-down in purple paisley for which Violet had already expressed mild distaste.

“Thank you so much,” Courtney said. “And I love your...everything.”

Alaska laughed, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“We’re gonna get along great.”

“Courtney, why don’t you organize the samples and then I’ll show you how to do the swatch cards for Miss Fame,” Violet instructed.

“Okay!” Courtney jumped up enthusiastically.

***

“But that’s crazy! How many do you throw away every day?”

Violet let out an aggravated groan. She was filling Courtney in on how she could best make sure she always had fresh, hot coffee on hand for Miss Fame. Only Courtney didn’t seem to appreciate the advice at all. Actually, she just seemed horrified.

“It’s not about how many we throw away,” Violet snapped. “It’s about always being prepared.”

“She can’t wait 10 minutes for coffee when she wants it?” Courtney folded her arms, a skeptical expression on her face.

“No!” God, why must Courtney be such a child?

“Well...I mean, I’m not trying to judge you, but I can’t do that in good conscience. The waste would keep me up at night. You must be throwing away at least 10 cups every day. Right?”

Violet glared at her, trying to resist the strong desire to trip Courtney up on purpose, when the phone rang.  

“Miss Fame’s office.” Violet pressed the phone in between her shoulder and ear.  “Oh, hello Roxy.” Violet tapped away at her computer. “Yes, yes she’s here. No, Fame is in a meeting with Raja-”

Courtney had wanted to duck beneath her desk when Raja had walked into their office earlier that day, a large folder under her arm, her steps filled with a level of authority that quite frankly scared Courtney. She would be terrified of Raja, if it wasn’t for the fact that Ivy was always right behind her, the redhead's gentle smile like a balm on Courtney’s frazzled nerves.

“We’ll make space for her right away.”

“Space?” Courtney hadn’t meant to reveal that she was listening in on Violet’s conversation.

Violet shot her an ice cold look, doing a zip it gesture with her fingers, and Courtney immediately shut up. As soon as she hung up, however, Courtney couldn’t keep her mouth closed any longer.

“Is Fame getting a visitor? Who is it? Is it someone famous?!”

“Fluff the pillows,” Violet pointed at the cream couch as she straightened up the magazines on the coffee table. “Quickly, please, Raven hates if they’re not perfectly-”

“Raven?!” Courtney squealed. “Raven Petruschin?!”

“Is there anyone else by that name on the approved list?” Violet shot her a glance, and it was in that exact moment that they were interrupted.

“My my my.”

Courtney turned around to see a stunning woman leaning against the doorframe. She had some of the most perfect lips Courtney had ever seen, her nude lipstick effortlessly accentuating how pillowy soft they looked. She had steel grey eyes, long black straight hair cascading down her back.

“What have we here?” She was wearing a beige bodycon dress, the fabric hugging her in all the right places. She pushed away from the frame, putting her black Chanel sunglasses in her hair, a Birkin bag dangling from her wrist. She smiled, the diamonds in her ears catching the light.

“Hello Raven. What a pleasant surprise.” Violet smiled as she straightened her back. “Can I get you a refreshment?”

“Oh. Yes please.” Raven walked right past Courtney, not even acknowledging her existence as she sat down on the couch, leaning against the pillow Courtney had just fluffed. “I’m on a rehydration diet so water would be great. Non-tap, of course. Evian if you have it, with a couple of lime slices.”

“Coming right up.” Violet nodded and disappeared into the tiny kitchenette that was connected to their office.

“Oh my gosh, you’re… you’re Raven….” Courtney’s mouth hung open, complete awe on her face as she watched the tall, dark-haired woman sit on the sofa.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Courtney!” Courtney smiled brightly as she stood up, extending her hand towards Raven for a handshake which Raven reluctantly took. “I’m Miss Fame’s new assistant; Violet is training me!”

“Ah.” Raven took Courtney’s hand in hers. Her skin was incredibly soft, her manicure done to perfection and Courtney had to resist the desire to stroke it. “I’m Raven. but I guess you already knew that…” Raven smiled, her perfect face even more beautiful as she released Courtney’s hand.

“Are you kidding me? Seriously, oh my gosh. I admire your work so so much!”

“Is that so?” Raven asked.

“Yes! In year 7, I had one of your Vogue covers in my locker! You’re such an icon, I always wanted to be just like you when I grew up!”

Raven’s eyes narrowed slightly, breaking out into an icy smile; there was nothing more irritating to her than being reminded of her rapidly waning 20s. She instantly decided that she absolutely hated this cheap blonde.

“And look at you now,” she said smoothly. “Right in the thick of it.”

“Yes, well…” Courtney laughed nervously. “It’s not quite like being Karl Lagerfeld's favorite muse, but we all gotta start somewhere, right?”

Raven surveyed her critically, determined to find a flaw and to her delight, finding several. Too talkative, too short, too blonde, too...fucking eager.

“Indeed. And if Fame sees something in you...well, then I’m sure you have a very bright future.” Violet returned with the water, which Raven took with a small smile and an air kiss to Violet’s cheek.

Courtney looked like a child on Christmas day, joy etched into her expression.

“Is the meeting done soon? I’ve tried texting Raja, but she hasn’t replied yet…” Raven almost pouted, a hint of annoyance playing in her voice.

“Let me check for you.” Violet smiled up at Raven, all pleasant manners and perfect politeness. “Ah. The meeting is almost over, so I’m sure Raja will be with you shortly-”

Just then, the door to Fame’s office opened to reveal Ivy, who shot an apologetic smile at them.

“Violet!” Fame’s voice traveled into the office. “Violet come in here!”

Violet grabbed her notebook, already standing up but she had apparently been too slow, since Fame was already at the door.

“Why are you not ready, Violet? Do you have anything more important to do-” Fame trailed off. “Raven! Hello dear. What are you doing here? Have we kept you waiting? Violet, you know Raven is on the approved list, why is she waiting?”

“Raven wante-”

“It’s my fault!” Raven quickly stepped in, a sweet smile on her face.

“Princess, is that you?”  Raja appeared in the door, her entire face lighting up when she saw Raven, and quickly went over to kiss her.

Raven put her arms around Raja’s neck, the two women locking lips for way longer than what was appropriate in a workplace environment. Courtney’s mouth dropped open in disbelief.

“Hey.” Raven smiled, her fingers curled in the cobalt blue of Raja’s silk shirt. “I’m here to take you out for lunch.”

“Are you now?” Raja smirked, amusement clear in her face.

Courtney was completely enthralled, watching the two gorgeous women stand so close together their chests were touching, Raja’s hands resting on Raven’s hips.

“I guess we do have something to celebrate.”  

“You two are too much.” Fame sighed, but she was clearly happy, Courtney barely recognizing the relaxed expression on her boss’s face.

Courtney heard a ding from her computer, and it was in that moment that she had realized Violet was furiously DM’ing her on the company network, telling her in increasingly frustrated messages to look away and not intrude on the conversation of their direct superiors.

“Can’t I be interested in spending lunch with my fiancée?”

Fame stopped, and then, Courtney saw the weirdest thing yet at Galactica.

“Oh my god!” Fame jumped up and down, clapping her hands. “Raja, oh!” Fame ran over, throwing her arms around Raja and Raven, hugging them both close. “Oh congratulations, my darling!”

Raja laughed, and if Courtney hadn’t been so caught up in following the scene like it was a bizarre improv piece, she would have noticed Violet blushing before she quickly ducked her head, very pointedly looking anywhere but at the scene in front of them.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Fame kissed Raja’s cheek, a laugh leaving her. “Let me see the rings! Quickly!”

Raven held out her hand, and Fame grabbed it. Courtney hadn’t noticed it when Raven walked in, but it was true that she was wearing a stunning diamond with a platinum band, her manicure actually matching it perfectly now that she was paying attention.

“It’s custom made.” Raven sighed, happiness radiating from her while Raja chuckled.

“You know what they say, happy wife, happy life.”

“Urg. Marry me before you resort to cliches.”

“I fully intend to.” Raja put her arm around her waist, Fame still holding Raven’s hand in her own.

Raven rolled her eyes before she turned her attention to Fame, though the smile didn’t budge from her face.

“Wait until you see Raja’s, Fame.” Raven leaned her head on her fiancée’s shoulder. “At first, she told me she didn’t want a ring-”

Raja shrugged, the argument clearly one that had already been rehashed between them.

“But I told her, I told her that if I’m getting a ring, so is she. I can’t  have anyone thinking she isn’t taken.”

“Anyone who has been online knows she’s not.” Fame smiled. “So, any big plans for the wedding yet?”

“Oh I’ve barely even thought about it,” Raven said with a wink, everything about her very clearly telling that she was lying through her teeth.

Fame laughed loudly. “Get out of here you two-” She waved her hand, clearly dismissing them. “Actually-” Fame paused. “Raja, take the day off.”

“But what about the work-”

“That can wait.” Fame touched Raja’s elbow. “This is the first time you’ve gotten engaged.”

“You mean only time she’s getting engaged.” Raven threw her hair over her shoulder,  leaving the office while Raja hung back to gather her things.

“Call that journalist who wanted that interview and tell them I need an extra 10 minutes.”

“Yes Miss!”

Fame turns to leave.”Oh, and Courtney?”

“Yes Miss?”

“It’s impolite to stare. That’s all.” Fame went into her office, closing the door.

Courtney’s eyes bulged. Had she been staring? She was just so surprised.

She had no idea that Raja was even gay, and now she found out that she was engaged? To a supermodel? It was thrilling! But the thought that anyone noticed her reaction was so embarrassing. She turned to Violet, hoping for some reassurance, but found no such thing, the brunette glaring at her venomously.

“I am going to kill you,” Violet proclaimed.

***

“Violet?” Max knocked on her door. “Violet are you in there?”

Max had only meant to be a good neighbor when he had grabbed Violet’s package from the reception, the brown box too big for her to carry on her own, but it seemed like she wasn’t home, and now he had the dilemma of what he should do with the box, since he couldn’t just leave.

Max was just about to give up, when the door opened, the sight of Violet in nothing but a cream silk robe, heels and lace underwear greeting him.

“Oh thank God!”

Before Max knew it, Violet had grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

“I need your help.”

“My help?” Max put the box down. He hadn’t been inside of Violet’s apartment since the housewarming, and nothing had changed except for a set of curtains that Max knew had haphazardly been put up by Katya.

“Which dress should I wear?”

It was then that Max noticed three dresses that had been hung up over the bathroom door.

“Oh.” Max looked at them. He knew Violet had exquisite taste in clothes, the assistant one of his favorite Galactica employees to watch, but seeing her date night options side by side was a pleasure in itself.

“So you’re going to the Vogue Fashion Fund?”

“I am.” Violet slipped out of her robe and hung it up on the door handle. From anyone else, the move could have seemed sexual, but Violet had been on shoots with Max, and had seen with her own eyes how he normally behaved around naked woman, so it wasn’t too weird. Max was pretty sure Violet assumed he was gay, and even though that wasn’t the truth, he wasn’t going to tell her that it was more that he wasn’t interested in anyone period.

“And you’re going with Pearl?”

“She’s picking me up in an hour.” Violet smiled.

Max bit his lip. He knew that Violet liked Pearl, really liked Pearl.

It was written all over her entire face every time she looked at the blonde, how she would blush and stammer; how shy she could get. Pearl was the only one Max knew who could make Violet lose the air of pleasant politeness, and he was pretty sure that Pearl had no idea about her power.

Max loved Pearl with all his heart, he would go through fire for her, but Pearl wasn’t a good person when it came to how she treated women.

Max had seen Pearl parade girl after girl around, had seen model after model getting their heart broken, how Pearl could treat a girl like a queen one day and completely ignore her the next.

But if Pearl had invited Violet out, that had to mean something, even if Max wasn’t sure what.

“So, which one do you like?” Violet held two of the dresses up, one of them a silver knee length number with a fitted skirt, while the other was a delightful light pink with long sleeves and flowy details.

Max wanted to tell Violet how Pearl could also be, but as he looked at her face, as he saw the genuine enthusiasm, he just couldn’t do it.

“What about the silver?”

“You think?” Violet took it down from the door and slipped into it, the dress fitting her like a glove.

“You look stunning.” Max walked behind her, grabbing the zipper and zipping her up.

Violet was old enough to make her own mistakes, and maybe, just maybe Violet was what Pearl needed.

***

“Violet, come on! We’re going to be late, the car is waiting!” Pearl checked her bag one last time. Phones, press badges, wallet and camera.

Pearl had already made a deal with one of her photographer friends and brought some of his red carpet pictures, so she didn’t have to worry about that, but a good journalist never went anywhere without the proper equipment, and there wasn’t much Pearl actually excelled at.

“Violet!” Pearl knocked again, harder this time. “Violet! Now!”

Pearl was beyond excited to take Violet on a night out. Fashion Fund tickets weren’t exactly easy to come by, so when one had dumped into her lap, she knew exactly who she had wanted as her plus one.

Pearl loved watching Violet enjoy fashion, the way her eyes lit up, the way she smiled, the way it was the only thing she could go on and on about.

Pearl wanted to share that with Violet, and if this meant that Violet would finally see her as someone who was taking her seriously, that would only be a bonus.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.”

Pearl was just about to make a sex joke, when Violet opened the door, and Pearl felt the breath get knocked from her lungs.

Viole was absolutely beautiful, a vision in pale purple and sparkling silver. Her long black hair was artfully curled, a single hair clip holding the locks away from her face. Her usual light pink lipstick was replaced with a daring red, and Pearl wanted to kiss her

“I can’t really run in these.” Violet gestured to her shoes, her usual black Louboutins exchanged with a silver Jimmy Choo. “Do I look okay?”

Violet stopped in front of Pearl, turning around to show off her outfit.

Pearl nodded, still slightly lost for words.

“Oh thank God.” Violet smiled, clearly relieved. “I was worried I’d be too casual or too formal, but judging from the gown you have on.” Violet grabbed her jacket from the hook on the door and pulled it on, taking a step out of the door which made Pearl take one back.

“You, umh, you look really beautiful…” Violet blushed and Pearl laughed, Violet’s insecurity and her quick, almost tumbling way of talking endlessly entertaining.

Pearl kissed Violet’s cheek, careful not to smudge her lipstick.

“Seems like I’ll be the luckiest girl at the party,” Pearl smiled.

“Why?”

“Because I’ll have you as my date.”

[ejzah]

Matchmakers

I tend to have Callen be the meddler in my fics, but this time the rest of the team do some meddling of their own.

***

“I told you, I’ve got it covered,” Sam insisted.

“But do you really?” Deeks asked, quirking an eyebrow. “Remember how well the last time you set Callen up on a date turned out?”

“Hey, he had a healthy, steady relationship with Joelle. If she hadn’t turned out to be undercover and with the CIA, it would have been perfect.” Deeks started to make another comment, but Kensi put up a hand and said,

“Ok, let’s not bring Joelle into this.” She’d wedged her chair in between Deeks and Sam’s while they brainstormed potential dates for Callen. Exactly how the conversation had started, Deeks couldn’t say, but it seemed of vital importance now that they figure out Callen’s love life.

“Are you sure he hasn’t mentioned anyone recently?” Deeks asked, thinking that if he were Callen, he’d probably hide a potential relationship from them too.

“Nope. I can tell when he’s interested and haven’t got that vibe from him at all,” Sam replied, shaking his head in apparent distress.

“You know, maybe we should just let Callen figure out when he’s ready to date again,” Kensi suggested. “I mean, he is an adult.”

“If you’re so uncomfortable with the idea, then why’d you scurry over here the second you found out what we were talking about?” Sam asked. For a moment Kensi looked deeply offended but then she tossed her hands up in the air.

“Fine. If you want Callen to go out on a date, I’ll set him up with one of my girlfriends. I know at least two or three who’d be ecstatic to meet a guy like him. Oh, and for the record, I do not scurry.” Sam was already shaking his head before she finished speaking and Deeks sighed loudly.

“Kensi, no offense, but I’ve met some of your friends and they’re a little too...peppy for Callen.”

“Peppy? Is that even a word?” Deeks asked, earning a glare from Sam.

“Peppy or not, my friends are great. And I can guarantee that none of them are secretly CIA agents or the daughters of Russian criminals,” Kensi said acidically.

“Why don’t I just introduce Callen to some of my friends,” Deeks suggested, which made both Kensi and Sam laugh.

“Right, because Callen wants to date a stripper,” Sam said sarcastically.

“Ok, first of all, not all of my female friends work in the exotic arts and” he raised a finger dramatically, “there are some lovely strippers out there. Right Kensi?”

“I have no idea what he’s talking about,” Kensi said adamantly.

“Oh, you so know what I’m talking about. You met Roxy, Cinnamon, Saphire Angel-you remember, she was the one wearing the red dress and had the really big-”

“Are we interrupting something?” Eric said, standing in the doorway with Nell beside him. He looked vaguely disturbed.

“Who’s Saphire Angel?” Nell asked, sounding intrigued.

“You probably don’t want to know,” Kensi said, shaking her head before Nell could ask anymore questions. Sam gave a deep sigh that somehow suggested he was the mature person in the room at the moment.

“We were just discussing if it would be appropriate to set G up on a date.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize he was back on the market,” Eric commented.

“He’s not,” Kensi confirmed. “But Sam’s worried that if we don’t do something now, Callen’s going to end up all alone for the rest of his life.”

“I’m not worried.”

“Huh. Well, Sydney’s not dating anyone at the moment,” Nell said and Deeks couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. Before things could get too awkward, Eric snapped his fingers.

“Internet dating!”

“Yeah, Eric, somehow I don’t think Callen’s the type to set up an online profile,” Deeks said doubtfully.

“No, we set it up for him,” Eric explained excitedly. “That’s why it would be so perfect. We could vet potential women, find the perfect match for Callen-“

“Hey, sorry I’m late. Dentist appointment took longer than I thought,” Callen said, walking into the bullpen. They all froze guiltily and when no one spoke, Callen looked between them. “Do I want to know what’s going on?” Sam was the fastest to recover and calmly said,

“We were just talking about a mutual friend of ours.”

“And we were just going back up to OPS. Come on, Eric.” Nell grabbed Eric’s hand and started to tug him away. Callen watched them leave and then turned back to the others with a suspicious look. Kensi smiled at him which only seemed to unnerve more.

“I think I’m going to go workout,” he decided, clearly searching for an excuse to leave.

“Enjoy,” Deeks said pleasantly as Callen hastily left the bullpen. As soon as he was out of earshot, Sam leaned forward with an intense expression.

“This conversation isn’t over,” he said grimly. “We have work to do.

[ducktracy]

16. one more time (1931)

release date: october 3rd, 1931

series: merrie melodies

director: rudolf ising

starring: rudolf ising (foxy), carman maxwell (foxy)

one more time gives us foxy one more time. he’s credited as both rudolf ising AND carman maxwell... i’m not certain about the validity of that, but again—88 year old cartoon. this is the end of foxy’s very short lived career. predictably, walt disney asked if harman and ising could discontinue the use of foxy for obvious reasons. it’s a shame, as much as a blatant rip-off as he is, i really like his design! i don’t know if it’s the freshness of “finally, a new character” or just the relief of “finally, not a caricature”, but he seems to have slightly more personality than bosko. still barebones and transparent, but he’s fun to watch. in this short foxy assumes the role of a police officer, but maintaining order proves to be difficult when reckless driving and kidnapping gangsters interfere with his duties.

we open with our favorite copyright infringement merrily patrolling the streets. all is well, until a handful of cars speed past foxy, nearly flattening him across the road. justifiably his mood turns sour as he launches into “one more time”, a very catchy, rhythmic patter song. he dodges various cars, cursing “just one more time!” and shaking his fist.

he turns a corner for safety, when a gangster unprecedentedly rises from a trashcan and shoots foxy’s hat to smithereens. in retaliation, foxy pulls a gun on him, and a mouse extends out to give a hearty whack to the gangster’s head. these gags are predictable, but how i love them! they’re just so cheesy and fun. not to mention, this entire sequence (and cartoon) is paced really well. it’s snappy and quick, but not too breakneck, either. it fits just right with the brisk tempo of the song.

focus shifts to the hippo from smile, darn ya, smile! driving a fancy car. a mouse in a tiny car behind honks at her to get out of the way, and both of them battle for dominance. in the midst of their wacky races-esque battle, foxy gets run over by the hippo. rightfully so, he tweets on his whistle and goes to right her a fine.

the song portion picks up again as the two patter song in argument. what a great sequence! the timing is just right. the beat is catchy and tactile, and the voice acting is relatively good compared to what we’ve seen. foxy writes her a fine as the hippo tries to negotiate with him before bursting into crocodile tears, occasionally checking to see if foxy buys it. to get her to shut up, foxy slaps a trash can on her head and walks away.

conveniently, foxy stumbles upon roxy and her dog (who i bet was not at all influenced by pluto in any way, shape, or form). the dog is ecstatic to see foxy and pins him against a wall, showering him in licks. foxy protests and roxy giggles, borrowing bosko’s catchphrase of “ain’t that cute?”

she skips away to position herself at a player piano that just happens to be handy and bangs out “one more time” on the keys. foxy’s protests and the dog’s licks are executed in time to the beat. foxy briefly ties the dog’s tongue around its snout as a muzzle, but both become overpowered by the magic of music and join in dancing.

another predictable gag that warms my heart regardless—mickey foxy uses pluto the dog as a player piano, playing the music with his teeth.

however, they’re interrupted by the sound of gunshots. a bird robs another hippo of a pocketwatch and speeds away, with the police going after the criminal (complete with a cat siren).

foxy chases after the bird (who is driving a tiny excuse of a car). the bird drives through a pipe, and at the other end pops out a much bigger buggy and a gang of criminals who join in the chorus of “one more time”. we have some shots of the police and then the gangsters singing the song call and response style. once again, very catchy, with some lush barbershop harmonies.

the gangsters throw a grenade at the police, stopping them in their tracks, leaving foxy with the responsibility of stopping the crime.

no crime is complete without a little kidnapping! the gangsters kidnap roxy and drive off, and foxy chases behind on the same mechanical horse used by bosko in ups ‘n downs. this entire sequence happens like a breeze, it’s so fast! but not entirely in a bad way. the music is fast and it’s the climax, so the fast pace is relatively charming.

foxy races behind the gangsters, and by pulling the horse’s tail, the horse extends its mechanical head to bite roxy’s skirt and bring her to safety. the tables turn as the gangster are the ones pursuing the chase instead of initiating it.

god, i love this! foxy and roxy ride into a local jail cell with the gangsters hot on their trail, and pop right out from a manhole cover, locking the criminals in the slammer. it might be a trite gag (as all of these are), but it’s nevertheless amusing.

everything’s peachy keen as the criminals give a last bar of “one more time”, and foxy bows.

that is until the bird also rises from the manhole and SHOOTS FOXY IN THE BACK. iris out!

so our loveable copyright infringement was killed off! that scene is set up to be funny and not to be taken seriously, but considering this is the last time we see foxy, it wouldn’t be stretching the truth to say he was killed off.

what a short! in my opinion, this is the most polished of the foxy cartoons. the pacing is perfect! there are only some repetitive scenes towards the beginning with foxy walking down the street. the jazzy score of the music picks up the pace and allows the cartoon to be bouncy, swingy, and chipper. compared to other cartoons, the voice acting isn’t half bad! very entertaining and a good way to bid goodbye to foxy. i’d definitely recommend a watch! i might watch it again, just one more time!

[blaperile]

Homestuck^2 - Reactions Chapter 5 “YOUR 3Y3S H4V3 B33N CLOS3D” (Pages 144)

Chapter 5: "YOUR 3Y3S H4V3 B33N CLOS3D"

Sounds like the start of a "Terezi-alone" chapter...

Is she going to be talking to herself? Or will there be narration?

And will she perhaps be looking at John's body which she presumably still carries with her?

And WHOSE eyes have been closed? John's? Her own?

And is Vriska's text message going to arrive now? Or did she already receive and read it prior to leaving on this trip? Because I recently reread the Meat Epilogue, and when she was standing with Roxy she received a message on her phone and was wondering who could be trying to reach her. Was that Vriska's message already?

Let's find out.

Page 144:

....Holy SHIT.

That... I did not expect out of this chapter. 0_0

First of all, I've got to say, that was one hell of a cool panel at the start. I like how it was an entire timelapse in one panel.

It's interesting how Terezi compared Rose's comatose body with The Psiioniic.

Until now, I'd been holding on to the hope that indeed Rose's body at some point would be revived, but I feel way less sure about that now, after the things Rose just said.

Like it's silly to hold out hope that she's ever coming back to her flesh body.

It's fascinating how Terezi is pointing out exactly what I've been wondering. In how far is this what Rose wants, and in how far is this what Dirk wants?

Has Dirk simply manipulated Rose into wanting this herself now? I think that's what I'm leaning into now? That he nudged her onto this path.

This does provide some really interesting insight in exactly what they want to do here. Assuming Dirk's goal really is what Rose believes it is, at least. Bring back SBURB to perpetuate the cycle...

Jeez.

I mean, it's good that they don't want to do this to Earth again and chose another planet, but they're still creating a NEW sentient race, who they will inflicting the very same thing... :/

That's just cruel, isn't it?

If they really want to perpetuate the cycle, can't Rose and Dirk just start a new SBURB session of their own here, in which they're the players again?

And eesh, I didn't think Rose had such a history with suicide... I mean, yeah, the mission to blow up the Green Sun was basically a suicide mission. But I definitely didn't think she'd have contemplated suicide before that. :(

I uh... definitely didn't expect the Rose <3< Terezi tease there. 0_0

It's interesting how Dirk suddenly interrupted the narration, implying it was a speakerless narration until that part?

Also, the style of this page reminds me a lot more of the style of the Epilogue pages. A whole chapter, on a single page, with a lot of switches between narration and dialogue with no panels in between.

God, I’m gonna have a headache in figuring out how to handle this in Homestuck From The Perspective Of. xD

[cricket-scribbles]

Luke Alvez Imagine

Luke Alvez x Gender Neutral Reader. Some sexy alphabet fun under the cut or read on Ao3 Masterlist

A: Aftercare (What are they like after sex?)

Luke is so attentive during aftercare. He loves running a bath for you after sex and he’ll wash your hair, smooth a warm wet washcloth over your skin, peppering little kisses in his wake. When you head back to bed, it’s skin-to-skin, full body contact with you draped over Luke’s chest, your head beneath his chin.

B: Body part (Favorite body part - on themselves and their partner)

On himself, he doesn’t have one. As a ranger, his body was only a machine - keep it in good working order to stay on top of the job.

On you, however, he has several favorite body parts. It’s hard to choose just one.

He loves your hips, curving his hands over them when you ride him, or just resting his fingertips there when he stands next to you as a reminder - to you as well as him - that you’re safe.

He loves your eyes and how expressive they are. Even when you’re trying to hold it together and not fall apart in front of him, one look in your eyes and Luke can tell. And when you’re happy, your eyes light up and he can’t look away.

He also loves your mouth, for many reasons. Your sarcasm when you’re comfortable around him. Te way you kiss him like you’re starved for him. And God, when you smile, he loses his mind every damn time.

C: Cum

Luke doesn’t like the mess of cumming on you. He has mixed feelings about cumming in your mouth, too. It’s not necessarily a turn on. Too much extra baggage from the horrors he sees at work. If you insist that you want it, then he gradually opens up to the idea.

If you’re okay with it, he prefers to cum inside you, mostly because he hates being separated from you. Buried inside of you is as close to you as he can possibly get.

D: Dirty talk (Do they engage in it? Do they like it?)

It takes a while for Luke to warm up to the dirty talk aspect of your relationship. He makes sure that you want it first. Then he eases into it with compliments, telling you how gorgeous and perfect you are. Once the two of you are familiar, then he pushes the boundaries a little more, being very vocal about how you feel so good when he fucks you.

When you talk dirty to him, it always takes him a little by surprise, like he’s hearing you say it for the first time. But he’s 100% on board with it and melts in your hands.

E: Experience (How experienced are they?)

Luke has had a few partners in the past, more one night stands than long-term relationships, due to the nature of his work keeping him on the move. He’s not interested in holding a running tally of his previous partners, but he does remember details about them that are stuck in his head and he can’t forget.

F: Favorite position

(None that produce ugly babies)

Face to face, you sitting in his lap, your legs around his waist. His hand at the nape of your neck, the other hand at the small of your back or on your ass, pulling you tight against him as he thrusts up into you.

Spooning. 9 times out of 10 it leads to slow, sleepy sex. Luke can wrap his arms around you and envelope you with his body, claiming you as his and protecting you from the rest of the world.

G: Goofy (Sense of humor during sex or not?)

Most of the time, sex is very playful with Luke. He thinks the sexiest thing about you is your laugh and your smile and his favorite thing in the world is to see you happy. He’ll smother your face in kisses, tickle you, and generally screw around, being a total dork to make you laugh.

But sometimes, after a long absence or a bad case where the victim(s) were too much like you, Luke comes home, takes you to bed, and he’s dead serious about making love to you until every inch of you is imprinted in his memory.

H: Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Luke keeps himself trimmed and neat but not bare. He doesn’t expect that for you either.

I: Intimacy (What are they like in the moment? Are they romantic or not?)

Luke definitely has his romantic moments, when he’s not too caught up with work. Sometimes he forgets things like birthdays and Valentine’s Day, mostly because he’s too tired.

But he does make an effort on occasion, because he wants you to know that he appreciates you. He likes making dinner for you and surprises you with flowers or a vacation when you least expect it, just because he’s happy to have you in his life.

He also likes to physically be in contact with you as often as possible outside of sex. When he sits next to you, he’ll push his knee against yours. Or he’ll drape an arm over your chair and brush his fingers along your shoulder.

During sex, his fingers are usually intertwined with yours. Depending on the position, he is always making eye contact. And if he can’t make eye contact, he whispers in your ear or kisses anywhere he can reach.

J: Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

Luke doesn’t get fancy with masturbation. It’s just blowing off some steam real quick in the shower.

When he’s on a case, away from you for days/weeks/months at a time, he masturbates more often and takes his time, imagining you’re the one with fingers wrapped around his shaft.

K: Kink(s)

Lingerie - anything lacy and silky.

Lap dance/strip tease, especially if you instigate it or surprise him when he comes home from work.

Food play. Licking whipped cream or chocolate off of you is about as close to heaven as Luke can get.

L: Location (Favorite places to have sex)

Bedroom. He doesn’t like to be interrupted, even though interruptions happen all too often.

In a pinch, a bathroom or utility closet will work when he needs you. Right. Now.

Luke claims shower sex is too hazardous. But if you like it, he’ll oblige your fantasies.

And kitchen sex. Plenty of kitchen sex. In the morning over breakfast. In the middle of the night over a midnight snack. In the evening before and/or after dinner. It just sort of happens. One minute, you’re cooking together and he reaches past you for a utensil or he offers you a bite of food. The next minute, clothes are on the floor and Luke clears the counter with one hand as he picks you up.

M: Motivation (What turns them on?)

Your confidence. Nothing gets Luke going faster than seeing you take charge of a situation or overcome an insecurity that you’ve wrestled with in the past.

Also seeing how well you fit into his life. Watching you play with Roxy. Watching you wander around his apartment in one of his hoodies. You’ve adjusted to a lot with him - he’s rarely home, his job is loaded with risks for him as well as you. But you’ve rolled with the punches, and he’s proud of you for that. It usually leads to surprise sex out of nowhere - you’re just going about your daily life and suddenly, Luke is looking at you like that.

If you’re being a brat, it flips a switch in Luke. He CANNOT keep his hands to himself when you mouth off to him.

N: No (Something they wouldn’t do. Turn offs.)

Breath play. It scares the shit out of Luke. He’s seen too many victims choked/strangled/suffocated to find any pleasure in breath play. He can’t stand his hand around your throat, let alone go any further than that.

O: Oral (Giver or receiver? No go altogether?)

Luke doesn’t put any pressure on you for oral. But he does appreciate a good blow job, if you’re willing.

If you allow him to go down on you, Luke will go all in. He doesn’t hold back or hesitate and since he’s so detail-oriented in his job, he pays close attention to the signals your body gives. He knows every sweet spot you have and he uses them to his advantage, bringing you to the edge over and over. He keeps one hand locked with yours while the other hand caresses your body - hips, nipples, ass, stomach, etc.

P: Pace (Fast or slow?)

If Luke has a choice, he will always choose slow and sensual. When he finally gets uninterrupted time with you, he wants to make every second last as long as possible.

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies)

Luke does NOT like quickies but, at the same time, they’re necessary on occasion, especially if he’s about to leave on a case for an extended period of time. He’d rather have a quickie than nothing at all.

R: Risk (Do they experiment? Or not?)

Luke thrives off of an adrenaline rush. He’s willing to experiment but only after a long conversation with you first to see how you feel about it. He wants to make sure the two of you are on the same page about what’s going to happen and when to stop.

And if you’re the one who proposes to test the waters in some new territory, Luke will 99% of the time say yes to whatever you want. Unless it hits too close to home with a case he’s working.

S: Stamina (How long can they last?)

Generally, Luke has mind-blowing stamina. There are times you have to tap out before he does.

Unless you’ve been teasing him all day. Then Luke doesn’t last more than a few minutes.

T: Toys (Do they own any? Do they use any on their partner? etc.)

Luke has always traveled light in his life, so he doesn’t own toys, let alone use them. But if you use toys, he is ready and willing to play with you.

If you have a toy collection, he will dedicate entire nights to using them on you, finding out which ones you like.

If you are curious about toys but you’ve never used them before, he’ll do a ton of research beforehand and help you shop around to see what you might like.  

U: Unfair (How much do they tease?)

Luke is mostly middle-range when it comes to teasing. He loves to leave you right on the edge, watching you tremble with that need for release, but he doesn’t have the heart to make you stay there for long.

V: Volume (How loud are they?)

Luke doesn’t get *really* loud. But he does whisper to you, tell you how good you feel, how much he’s missed you, how perfect you look when you come.

W: Wild card (Random headcanon)

Luke doesn’t like to share you. If you ask him to try a threesome or a polyamorous relationship, it’s a flat-out no at first. If it’s something you really want to try, he’ll consider it because he’s just that crazy about you. But he will really have to trust the other person(s) involved.

You still have to repeatedly remind him to play nice with others.

X: X-ray (What’s going on down below?)

Luke’s cock is a little over 6.5 inches but it’s the girth of him that was intimidating for you the first time you had sex together. Your fingers don’t quite wrap all the way around his shaft.

When Luke noticed your concern and hesitancy, he kissed your forehead and cupped your cheek gently in his hand. “We’ll take it slow and stop as soon as you say the word, baby.”

Luke was so careful with you (and prepared with plenty of lube) that you were completely relaxed when he slid inside of you so smoothly that there wasn’t a hint of pain.

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

On the higher range of average. Luke has a military background, he knows how to keep himself in check (even though you can certainly make it challenging sometimes).

Luke craves your physical presence the most. Just having you near, hearing your voice, that’s all he wants 24/7.

...but if you show up at his apartment in the middle of the night in his favorite flirty-pink lingerie and an overcoat, neither of you will make it to the bedroom. If you’re lucky, you’ll make it to the couch. Most likely, Luke will be fucking you against the wall ASAP.

Z: Zzz... (How quickly do they fall asleep afterward?)

Luke doesn’t usually fall asleep right away. He takes care of you first and he likes holding you, having you close, with the smell of your hair and the feel of your skin against him. He wants to be awake for that as much as possible since he’s not around so often for other things.

After you’ve been asleep for a while, he’ll doze off with his arms around you and his nose buried in your hair.