#Rocco Street Chef

[haaaaaaaaaaaave-you-met-ted]

Rocco, Street Chef by Bram Sels

[beardwitchbrews]

ROCCO IS FEASTING

Okay but Rocco has easily become one of my favorite commander's so far this year. I love that: 1) they are non-binary! My partner and I have both been exploring our gender expression, so it's nice to see MtG exploring that, as well. 2) they're a group hug deck in my favorite type of way- giving everyone cards and letting them play them play more magic, while also being semi-political. "You could kill Rocco, but if you don't, I'll give you some counters...! And, hey, what about those sweet sweet cards?" 3) THEY MAKE FOOD. Food is maybe my favorite thing Magic has done in the last decade. Ton of flavor (haha), utility, and ability to keep you in the game when the aggro opponent is going off. Plus, when you add in cards like Academy Manufactor, Ghirapur Aether Grid, & Food Fight, you can really do some fun, explosive things things. 4) they play with impulsive draw and exiling cards. Their trigger is a ton of fun to build around. From Laelia to Bell Borca to Faldorn, we keep getting powerful creatures that care about the exile zone, and that scratches a very specific itch I have.

Which leads me to my main topic: WOW, these Dr. Who cards are really playing into Rocco's strengths. We're getting some fantastic food synergies and exile triggers! Especially after LTR & WOE's buffet of food cards, I am constantly updating this list. Cannot wait to add Flaming Tyrannosaurus, especially- what an absolute banger.

Generally, the whole Universes Beyond thing has been something I have been fairly mid on. When it started with the Walking Dead, I was pretty put off by the idea. Now that we've been living in the future where Street Fighter, 40k, Stranger Things, and Lord of the Rings cards have been running around our game for years now, though, I guess I've just accepted that this is Magic now, take it or leave it.

I have NO affinity for Dr. Who. I somehow completely dodged the fandom, even when I dated someone with a stuffed dalek. But the passion for these designs leap off the cards, and that passion is infectious. These designs (if a bit convoluted and wordy, just like the source material) are inspired, and there is something so nice about being like, y'know what? Here's this guy with a sandwich, hanging out in my grandpa's garage, and now he's in my commander deck, helping me with Night of the Sweet's Revenge synergy.

I've been working on a Rocco list since Aftermath, but it keeps creeping past that 100 mark... will update once we get a more solid brew! Cheers~

[card-of-the-day]

Today's Card Is: Rocco, Street Chef

[goqmir]

hey magic the gatheringers, ive been rebuilding my favorite edh decks and hyperfixating on them lately so i just wanted to make a pretty lil post about them offering them to anyone who wants to play em :) these are my favorite decks right now and ive just run through and adjusted the decklists of all of them in the last couple days so they're fresh and ready to perform <3

the first deck is Rocco Cast From Exile!

the third rework of this decklist with the new cards from CLU really cemented that this is my favorite deck i've ever made. Rocco, Street Chef plays kingpin to a unique Naya value pile built around playing cards from exile!

this deck is similar to Prosper, who is unfortunately the face of Cast From Exile-- but unlike Prosper, this commander and the other options for CFE payoffs you get in Naya are super interesting and cool :) you get [[Feldorn]], [[Pia Nalaar]], [[Quintorius Kand]], as well as fun cheapening effects like [[Liara Portyr]] and [[Tlincalli Hunter]] on top of the delightful cascade effects green gets!

you also get to play around with +1/+1 counters (Rocco might be the best commander of all time at like... putting +1/+1s on specific individual creatures honestly??) and the magic that is food tokens (which are getting stronger and stronger each passing set). furthermore, Rocco impulse draws for your opponents, which means you get to encourage them to make tough decisions! do they play their combo piece from exile, feeding your deck? (Rocco is so efficient that they will soon learn that the answer to that question is almost always no... but you can always pretend that you're playing group hug and giving them free cards until they figure that out!)

this deck gets a lot of mana and builds up a monstrous board state very quickly. as far as individual value pieces go, be on the lookout for [[Jaheria, Friend of the Forest]], [[Inspiring Statuary]], and [[Night of the Sweets' Revenge]] for ways to make an unreal amount of mana. [[Herd Baloth]] and [[Faldorn]] will get you tokens for every card played from exile, and i would say are the main things giving you a monstrous board. don't sleep on the cascaders and thieves either-- every extra card obtained from things like [[Bloodbraid Elf]] or the Etalis net you another Cast From Exile trigger!

Naya Cast From Exile is weird and awesome and I highly recommend playing and building in this design space :) there's a lot of Naya CFE cards that work but I cut from the deck, and they give us more cards and commanders for the archetype all the time. this is definitely my favorite deck i've ever made <3

the second deck i'd like to show off is my Oloro Control decklist!

i've always been the interaction player at the table. you might find that these decklists are a bit heavy on the interaction for you actually-- i truly believe disruption is like. so important. especially when you're playing for value rather than combos like i do ^_^

so here is my dedicated Esper Control decklist! Oloro is there to keep you topped off and to draw you cards-- by playing this deck it really does net you anywhere from 10-40 extra life in a given game in my experience just by playing him. and the card draw on Oloro is pretty insane, enabling you to find the necessary ramp and bombs to end the game after you've disrupted every combo at the table :) personally i don't like Oloro the character very much at all-- don't know why, but he's a little difficult for me to look at. i personally have a custom proxy that replaces Oloro with Grusha :3

this Control deck is all about gaining slow and steady value while ensuring the bad things aren't sent your way. there are some stax pieces here, but not very strict ones-- your goal is to remain innocuous while you get the mana and cards to play your bombs and your opponents hopefully go at each other. the bombs in question are things like [[Debt to the Deathless]], [[Expropriate]], [[Torment of Hailfire]], planeswalkers like [[Sorin Markov]], and creatures that amass you value quickly like [[Drogskol Reaver]] and [[Sunscorch Regent]]. you gain life, shut down your opponents, and force unwinnable situations or knock out opponents with big bombs. it's fun!

the third deck is Vadrok Inevitable Betrayal Combo!

Vadrok here is the final fruit of my obsession with the 0 cmc suspend cards I went through a few months back. after toying with pretty much ever one in turn, Vadrok is the one that stuck around because he plays so interestingly and truly warps your table's metagame if you bring him out enough times.

let's get into the weeds: the combo here is a pretty simple one-- Vadrok is one of (and the only legendary) engine that allows you to play cards from your graveyard without exiling them after, done by mutating. [[Inevitable Betrayal]] is a 0 mana cost blue spell that takes a creature from an opponent's deck and puts it onto the battlefield under your control. The combo, then, is a gradual one: use a spell to discard Inevitable Betrayal, and mutate onto Vadrok. each mutate plays Inevitable Betrayal for free, allowing you to cheat out an opponent's creature each time. this is strong.

the deck features a suite of tutors, a variety of ways to discard cards, and every mutate card in Jeskai (except the one whose mutate cost is six mana :P). the combo is surprisingly low to the ground and quick, allowing for turn one/two discards and turn three Vadrok mutates at times. however, it's often worth waiting to mutate Vadrok onto a creature with Hexproof to ensure little interruption as you swarm the board with your opponents' best hits.

this deck, of course, relies heavily on your opponents' decks then. which is why this deck is so metagame-warping-- even at more casual tables, you'll probably see your friends take their funny eldrazi and craterhoofs out of their decks because you're so prone to winning with them. personally, i find that delightful! i tend to cycle deck usage anyway, so it's cute to steal a bunch of things for a couple weeks, have my opponents edit their decklists to remove my hits, lose interest in the deck, and come back a couple months later and steal the good hits in their new decks, repeat :) its fun having a deck that warps metagames with its presence alone.

the final deck id like to talk about is my Silvar and Trynn Humans decklist!

mardu is delightful and for the longest time i couldn't find a mardu commander i ever wanted to build! finally though, i stumbled across these two :) the art on them is so gorgeous! i love ikoria.

this deck is very fun! the only typal deck on the list, humans is a very fun type to build around and you get access to so many bangers in mardu. this deck is all about building a board of as many humans as you possibly can, then sacking them all to put 17 +1/+1 counters on Silvar and start swinging for commander lethal. how that is done is different every game, with so many fun human pieces and interaction pieces that each game feels very distinctly different from the last more so than any of the other decks discussed on this post. furthermore, mardu offers my favorite interaction suite of all time, so it's always a pleasure to play with.

teehee anyway thats my decks ive been hyperfixating on! feel free to give em a try :) sqrrk!!

[mk-writes-stuff]

What mtg commander deck is everyone in seven stations running? What’s the commander, general idea of what the deck is trying to do, and maybe some notable cards from the decks? I want to build some of their decks for you

-your gf

Okay this is going to be a long one but let’s go! I’m ignoring the fact that like a third of these people are illiterate lol. These are based entirely on the play pattern I think they’d like, not their personal colour identity (I’ll do a post on that someday)

Belladonna

Commander: Teysa Karlov

Deck concept: sacrifice value/aristocrats. Some control pieces. Can absolutely pop off when it needs to

Notable cards:

Pitiless Plunderer

Indebted Spirit

Reassembling Skeleton

Cassie

Commander: Itzquinth, Firstborn of Gishath

Deck concept: dinosaurs stompy. Lots of ramp, lots of big boys

Notable cards:

Earthshaker Dreadmaw

Sawhorn Nemesis

Belligerent Yearling

Nellie

Commander: Gluntch, the Bestower

Deck concept: group hug. Everyone keeps liking the nice things she’s giving them so they don’t look too hard at her massive board state until it’s too late

Notable cards:

Flumph

Selvala, Explorer Returned

Master of Ceremonies

Narcissus

Commander: Niv-Mizzet, Parun

Deck concept: storm. He wants to make you sit there for twenty minutes while he pops off (or tries) every turn. Also all his cards are the most expensive prints

Notable cards:

Pact of Negation

Deflecting Swat

Jeska’s Will

Ricinus

Commander: Meren of Clan Nel Toth

Deck concept: grindy reanimator. Lots of interaction

Notable cards:

Spore Frog

Plaguecrafter

Viscera Seer

Goldenrod

Commander: Katilda, Dawnheart Martyr

Deck concept: spirit typal with some (a fair number) of enchantments. Use the commander’s disturb effect for a fun double-up on Voltron

Notable cards:

Indebted Spirit

Clarion Spirit

Drogskol Reinforcements

Cassiopeia

Commander: Grand Arbiter Augustin IV

Deck concept: she calls it control but it’s just stax

Notable cards:

Propaganda

Drannith Magistrate

Aven Mindcensor

Stellaris

Commander: Rin and Seri, Inseperable

Deck concept: two entire old world species! It’s just a typal deck though. Also every basic is a different lovingly-chosen landscape

Notable cards:

Regal Caracal

Pack Leader

Jinnie Fay, Jetmir’s Second

Rhys

Commander: Rocco, Street Chef

Deck concept: food typal with a bit of group hug (Nellie sometimes borrows this one)

Notable cards:

Night of the Sweets’ Revenge

Academy Manufactor

Inspiring Statuary

Sel

Commander: Malcator, Purity Overseer

Deck concept: it’s just artifacts. He loves the shiny metal creatures

Notable cards:

Bronze Guardian

Tempered Steel

Wing Splicer

Oof that was long. But I had fun! Hope you enjoy them :)

[scotianostra]

On October 15th 1902 Edinburgh's Balmoral Hotel opened its doors for the first time.

Look out for my own connections to this grand old hotel, both in a personal sense and through my home town of Loanhead.

Back then it was called The North British and in Edinburgh a lot of people, myself included, still refer to it by the initials NB.

On Wednesday 15 October, 1902, on the front page of The Scotsman newspaper, a small advert appeared: “North British Station Hotel. This hotel in direct communication with Waverley Station is now open F.T. Burcher, hotel manager.”

According to the hotel’s official history, the North British was “a vanguard for the railway company which built it, a surrogate for the grand station they had never been permitted to erect in the sensitive site between Old and New Town.” The architecture, executed in golden sandstone, features towers and balconies galore. It’s a glorious mash-up of influences from across northern Europe. Expensive to build as well as to run – it gobbled upwards of 200 tons of coal every month – the hotel was seen as a “sign of the future heralded by the railways, the newly opened Forth Bridge and the electric lights switched on in Princes Street just seven years earlier”.

Nevertheless, some believed the Caledonian, which opened a year later, boasted the more advantageous location. And some detractors found the sheer size of the hotel gauche, complaining “it is coarse and obstructive at once”.

The hotel – working name “Waverley Station Hotel” – was the brainchild of George Wieland, a former NBR company secretary who retired to its board in 1890. Having toured some of the most lavish hotels in the world – where he realised the importance of having a banqueting hall to bring in business – he hired W Hamilton Beattie to draw up plans for Edinburgh. The hotel would have 300 bedrooms, 52 bathrooms, and 70 lavatories, and was designed to encourage the circulation of fresh air. Lifts shot people straight from the station into the hotel’s foyer, and beyond that, to rooms furnished with mahogany, leather and crimson moquette. It’s said that the bill for plants and flowers exceeded the bill for gas, and there was even a special machine to burnish the silver. Weiland made sure the new hotel’s cellars were full of the finest champagnes, hocks, ports, and whisky, the better to entice his ideal customers – wealthy, landed families moving between their multiple residences.

In 1922, the hotel became part of the London and North Eastern Railway Company and by all accounts the hotel sparkled from top to bottom, but after the Second World War, when the railways were nationalised, and Prestwick airport began getting transatlantic traffic, things began a slow downward trajectory. Even so, the hotel remained the destination for Edinburgh society events, be they corporate or personal. In 1983, British Rail sold off its rather faded North British Hotel. In 1988, it closed for refurbishment, it was in dire need of this, some of the rooms were looking a wee bit shabby, the wooden window frames unable to open fully, and how do I know this? Well I used to be the window cleaner in the hotel and the windows that didn't open meant I had to find one close by and edge along the crumbling sandstone ledges, the worst affected, and highest were on the south of the hotel and there was a six storey drop down to the train station below.

At the start of the 1990s, Balmoral International Hotels, an Edinburgh based company, bought the venue. In 1997, the Balmoral became the first hotel bought by Sir Rocco Forte as he assembled his portfolio of hotels. It currently boasts Scotland’s only Bollinger Bar, as well as the Michelin-starred Number One restaurant run by executive chef Jeff Bland, a spa, and ten function rooms accommodating up to 450 people.

Famous guests over the years have included Elizabeth Taylor, Michael Palin, Beyoncé and JK Rowling, who finished the last Harry Potter novel here, on 11 January, 2007, and then daubed her signature on a bust in her room.

A second wee link with the hotel, is Charles Forte, Grandfather of the present owner began his working life in my home town of Loanhead when he moved to Scotland from Italy.

[markrosewater]

Hello Mark! I am here to invoke the ancient rite of Birthday Trivia!! I was hoping to get some trivia about Food or maybe Rocco, Street Chef or Gyome, Master Chef?

Food tokens came about when we were compiling fairy tale tropes and realized how often food plays a role.

Happy Birthday!

[danco110]

“Inspector Jillard, I ask again that you please refrain from showing favoritism to any of the city’s…ugh, ruling families.”

The other angel fixed her friend’s colorful dress with a defeated glare. The inspector theatrically flared her concrete wings, and put her hands on her hips before responding.

“And what exactly about putting some color into my wardrobe is ‘showing favoritism’?”

The other angel pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Jillard. It’s a Cabaretti dress.”

“Says…says who?”

“Says me! I watched you take that outfit as a bribe from that street chef Rocco, just last week!”

“Well, you have to admit, they do know how to put together an ensemble!”

Jillard gave a cheerful twirl midair for emphasis, the chromatic hem of her dress fluttering in the wind. The other angel’s eyes flicked upward.

“…Perhaps…but that’s neither here nor there. Point is, you don’t want to start down that road. Next thing you know, they’ll be offering you…I don’t know, arc spitters! And likely in exchange for overlooking even more heinous acts!”

Jillard waved a dismissive hand.

“Give me a little credit, at least.”

“Hmm…”

The other angel gave Jillard’s dress one final disapproving look before finally flying away, around the corner of a towering office building. Once she had disappeared from view, Jillard let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She reached awkwardly behind her wings, slinging a sleek black arc spitter over her shoulder. Her gaze flicked back and forth between admiring the firearm’s gilded accents, and staring at the corner of the office building.

“It was…” Jillard began, as though to justify herself to the other angel who had already departed. “I mean, it was a whole convention center full of them! What was I supposed to do, take them all on myself? This was just…a little something extra, along with the inevitable conclusion!”

[The angels of New Capenna are angels, but they’re also New Capennans. Honestly, I’d be more surprised if they weren’t at least a little corrupt!]

[withwherewithal]

I made a fun ribbon and found a fancy pin for my Rocco, Street Chef cosplay

[goqmir]

i kind of like maybe just a little adore the new clue set cards like. the clue set itself is a weird and overpriced product and the physical cards themselves are definitely gonna be stupid overpriced because nobody wants to buy a board game to crack packs but like. the cards themselves? kind of fire?

i kind of adore that theyre not just all rares and we are getting clue set commons and stuff :3 its cute! and we're getting a new lonis too-- its not a super interesting card but i adore lonis and im very excited to play with more of her. and we get an interesting new land cycle in the cluelands too! the art for them kinda blows at the moment but at some point in the future i assume they'll be reprinted in a set that gives them fun and interesting art? maybe? please? im not exactly itching to play them but ill never turn down another cycle of duals teehee

id love to talk about some individual cards from the lineup so far that i adore! these are just my top picks but id recommend going and looking at the full list spoiled so far on scryfall :3

for starters, my favorite card from the whole spoiler season right now i think has to be scuttling sentinel. i dont think i want to play her in any commander deck, but in my opinion this is like one of the top cards for cubes in 2024 period-- like cankerbloom tier of cube card. she's awesome! a crab elf which is such an awesome creature type, playable with green or blue, puts 1/1 counters on things and its main draw is just being a decent body that offers protection :) she's great!!!! ive already slotted her into the cube ive been piecing together recently. i like her a lot.

resonance technician is such a cool spell copier <3 every part of it is kind of expensive so im not really sure where youd play it but it does a lot of cool things all at once on a single card which is fun! the flavor is cool-- we all love weirds here-- and the functionality is useful and cute. cool card. big fan

we also have portal manipulator who is like one of the weirdest and strongest combat tricks ive ever seen? this is like if aetherize also fucked your shit in. so i can absolutely see this seeing a lot of play honestly. but lets be real here this card just has amazing art. thheres portals around her skull !!! god shes so cool.

corporeal projection gets a shoutout because what a fun effect <3 it being izzet is awesome and on-flavor and the card itself is both an interesting choice to give your creature myriad for extra damage and a fun wincon :) im glad theres a simple and convenient way to give one creature myriad now that isn't a brick to run in my commander decks because it has a high-cost endgame mode. yay!

finally it wouldnt be a goqmir set review if i didnt shout out the new cards that work well in Naya Cast From Exile :3 Boros Strike-Captain seems kind of mid but it's important to remember that the card never goes away, and you can cast it any time after when you attack with at least 3 creatures even if BSC is off the battlefield. big fan of this one! im not sure if i can find the space to jam him in my Rocco Street Chef decklist but he's a very playable option.

Personally, i think Headliner Scarlett is the winner this set. She's a very good hit pretty much any time-- you're always gonna get a minimum of 4 free damage when she sticks, and if you play her early you get some pretty strong card advantage, which turns into very very strong card advantage in both Rocco and Prosper. if you pull her late, she can win you the game straight up by allowing you to swing out uninhibited-- though i can't speak for Prosper players, this will pretty much always be at minimum a knock out if you pull it lategame in Rocco. definitely making room for her in my decklist.

anyway thats just some cards i liked from the weird product thats coming out :3 i was and still am iffy on purchasing the product and expect the cards to be a little too expensive but as far as designs go they're pretty cool and im very happy that they exist! um sqrrk <3

[mtgdays]

Single Scoop: Let Rocco, Street Chef Cook!

Rocco, Street Chef + Drannith Magistrate? Yeah, that sounds like we’re going to try to build a sweet Explorer hate bears deck! Source: MTG GOLD FISH

[scotianostra]

On October 15th 1902 Edinburgh’s Balmoral Hotel opened its doors for the first time.

Look out for my own connections to this grand old hotel, both in a personal sense and through my home town of Loanhead.

Back then it was called The North British and in Edinburgh a lot of people, myself included, still refer to it by the initials NB.

On Wednesday 15th October, 1902, on the front page of The Scotsman newspaper, a small advert appeared: “North British Station Hotel. This hotel in direct communication with Waverley Station is now open F.T. Burcher, hotel manager.”

According to the hotel’s official history, the North British was “a vanguard for the railway company which built it, a surrogate for the grand station they had never been permitted to erect in the sensitive site between Old and New Town.” The architecture, executed in golden sandstone, features towers and balconies galore. It’s a glorious mash-up of influences from across northern Europe. Expensive to build as well as to run – it gobbled upwards of 200 tons of coal every month – the hotel was seen as a “sign of the future heralded by the railways, the newly opened Forth Bridge and the electric lights switched on in Princes Street just seven years earlier”.

Nevertheless, some believed the Caledonian, which opened a year later, boasted the more advantageous location. And some detractors found the sheer size of the hotel gauche, complaining “it is coarse and obstructive at once”. The hotel – working name “Waverley Station Hotel” – was the brainchild of George Wieland, a former NBR company secretary who retired to its board in 1890. Having toured some of the most lavish hotels in the world – where he realised the importance of having a banqueting hall to bring in business – he hired W Hamilton Beattie to draw up plans for Edinburgh. The hotel would have 300 bedrooms, 52 bathrooms, and 70 lavatories, and was designed to encourage the circulation of fresh air. Lifts shot people straight from the station into the hotel’s foyer, and beyond that, to rooms furnished with mahogany, leather and crimson moquette. It’s said that the bill for plants and flowers exceeded the bill for gas, and there was even a special machine to burnish the silver. Weiland made sure the new hotel’s cellars were full of the finest champagnes, hocks, ports, and whisky, the better to entice his ideal customers – wealthy, landed families moving between their multiple residences.

In 1922, the hotel became part of the London and North Eastern Railway Company and by all accounts the hotel sparkled from top to bottom, but after the Second World War, when the railways were nationalised, and Prestwick airport began getting transatlantic traffic, things began a slow downward trajectory. Even so, the hotel remained the destination for Edinburgh society events, be they corporate or personal. In 1983, British Rail sold off its rather faded North British Hotel. In 1988, it closed for refurbishment, it was in dire need of this, some of the rooms were looking a wee bit shabby, the wooden window frames unable to open fully, and how do I know this? Well I used to be the window cleaner in the hotel and the windows that didn’t open meant I had to find one close by and edge along the crumbling sandstone ledges, the worst affected, and highest were on the south of the hotel and there was a six storey drop down to the train station below.

At the start of the 1990s, Balmoral International Hotels, an Edinburgh based company, bought the venue. In 1997, the Balmoral became the first hotel bought by Sir Rocco Forte as he assembled his portfolio of hotels. It currently boasts Scotland’s only Bollinger Bar, as well as the Michelin-starred Number One restaurant run by executive chef Jeff Bland, a spa, and ten function rooms accommodating up to 450 scot.

Famous guests over the years have included Elizabeth Taylor, Michael Palin, Beyoncé and JK Rowling, who finished the last Harry Potter novel here, on 11 January, 2007, and then daubed her signature on a bust in her room. A second wee link with the hotel, is Charles Forte, Grandfather of the present owner began his working life in my home town of Loanhead when he moved to Scotland from Italy.

[tabloidtoc]

Star, March 1

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Humiliated Jennifer Lopez used for money and fame by Alex Rodriguez

Page 1: Princess Eugenie and her husband Jack Brooksbank, who is a UK ambassador for George Clooney and Rande Gerber's tequila brand, welcomed a son on February 9 at London's Portland Hospital

Page 2: Contents, Robin Thicke in front of a piano at Gold Diggers studio in L.A.

Page 3: Star Shots -- Serena Williams honored late Olympic gold medalist Florence Griffith Joyner by rocking a one-legged Nike catsuit at the first day of the Australian open, Chrissy Metz brought some vibrancy to the virtual SCAD aTVFest where she discussed This Is Us and was honored with the Vanguard Award, Olivia Culpo checked out the view before heading to the Shaq Bowl in Tampa

Page 4: Inside Britney Spears' nightmare -- a shocking new documentary exposes how Britney was used and abused by people she trusted -- Britney's unable to communicate with fans directly without permission -- fans flooded Justin Timberlake's Instagram to demand an apology for what one called profiting from trashing a woman

Page 5: Facing a lawsuit from her estranged older sister has rattled Mariah Carey -- Alison Carey alleged to a NYC court that Mariah had intentionally inflicted emotional distress by writing about her in the 2020 tell-all The Meaning of Mariah Carey and Alison is seeking $1.25 million after the singer accused her of, among other things, throwing boiling hot tea on her and trying to sell a 12-year-old Mariah to a pimp -- now Mariah has become wary of even those in her inner circle and is making longtime employees re-interview for their jobs -- Mariah's always been on the paranoid side but everyone is a suspect now and she's grilling everyone from bodyguards to chefs to stylists and household staff who have been with her for years and if anyone pushes back they are shown the door -- her great fear is that people could cross over and spill secrets to the enemy because she's been caught off guard before by those she trusted

* Catching ZZZs has become a real problem for Kelly Clarkson -- between her gig as a daytime host, trying to sell homes in Nashville and Encino, and battling her ex Brandon Blackstock over custody of their two kids, she is beyond stressed and she can't sleep and nothing works; the most shut-eye she gets is two to three hours -- it's gotten so bad she's even tried hypnotherapy but her workaholic brain outwits it -- meanwhile her legal woes including a lawsuit with her husband and ex father-in-law's talent agency are getting nastier and Brandon has told her in no uncertain terms that he's not going to stop until he gets what he wants which is a ton of money and time with the kids

* She was the most loathed mother in America and now Casey Anthony wants her say -- 10 years after she was acquitted of murdering her two-year-old daughter Caylee, Casey is making a documentary about the trial and she thinks she can clear her name -- she's not looking for sympathy but she believes she's a victim too and was unfairly convicted in the public eye -- she is planning on dropping bombshells in the doc including her take on the theory that the toddler accidentally drowned in the family pool as well as shocking secrets about her own abusive upbringing but don't expect much remorse

Page 6: Just over a year after her father Kobe Bryant and sister Gianna Bryant perished in a tragic helicopter crash, Natalia Bryant who is Kobe's oldest daughter, has signed a modeling contract with IMG Models who also represent Bella Hadid and Gigi Hadid and the just signed Inauguration standout poet Amanda Gorman

* Rumer Willis was heartbroken when her months-long relationship with Armie Hammer fizzled out in December but after harrowing reports of Armie's alleged abuse of women including asking to barbecue their ribs and carry their severed toes in his pocket, Rumer is telling friends she feels lucky -- she wanted to defend him when the cannibalism stories first came out because she thought they were outrageous and now she feels badly for all of the victims and she's really grateful she didn't get caught up in the Armie nightmare

* Star Spots the Stars -- Eva Longoria, Mandy Moore, Demi Lovato, Dan Levy, Dorinda Medley

Page 8: Star Shots -- Meg Ryan wore some wide-legged trousers and a cute cap on a nature walk in Santa Barbara, Gavin Rossdale wore pink socks while playing tennis in L.A., Ciara holding six-month-old son Win during a family getaway to Hawaii

Page 9: Delilah Belle Hamlin and Love Island's Eyal Booker removed their masks for a quick street smooch during a coffee date in L.A., Sofia Richie enjoyed some PDA with shipping heir Gil Ofer in Miami

Page 12: Kate Upton doing yoga, Tia Mowry-Hardrict and her husband Cory Hardrict shared dishwashing duty after cooking at home, Robin Roberts tasted a treat on Good Morning America in New York City

Page 13: Pregnant Brittany Cartwright brought her dog along to retrieve the mail in L.A., Victoria Justice showed off her toned tummy post-workout in L.A.

Page 14: Goldie Hawn turned quality time with granddaughter Rani into a workout toting her in a backpack, Madonna and Guy Ritchie's son Rocco Ritchie waded in during a vacation in Tulum in Mexico, Lucy Hale on a stroll with her dog Elvis in L.A.

Page 16: Chris Noth put in a day's work on The Equalizer in Paterson in New Jersey, Flavor Flav and Flo Rida at The Super Glow Super Bowl kick-off party in Tampa, Bradley Cooper kept daughter Lea close as the two ran errands in NYC

Page 17: More than a week after celebrating 18 months of sobriety Lily Allen enjoyed a snack on-the-go in London, Jessica Alba lifted her son Hayes while riding scooters with husband Cash Warren in Beverly Hills

Page 18: Normal or Not? Cody Simpson got physical with new girlfriend Marloes Stevens during a romantic getaway in St. Barts -- normal, Selling Sunset's Christine Quinn picking up a portrait of herself in L.A. -- normal, Jack Black raised Thor's hammer in a parody posted on Instagram prompting Chris Hemsworth to call it the greatest thing he's ever seen -- not normal

Page 19: The Crown's Emma Corrin looked intrigued by a leafy object she stumbled upon during a stroll in London -- not normal, Sarah Jessica Parker kicked back in heels during a break from assisting shoppers at her flagship store in NYC -- not normal

Page 20: Fashion -- stars look sweet in tiered dresses -- Maude Apatow, Logan Browning, Margot Robbie

Page 21: Julianne Moore, Camila Morrone, Saoirse Ronan

Page 24: After months of quietly dating, Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley are ready to marry and they announced it in the most low-key way possible and the couple are madly in love and feel unequivocally that this is the real deal -- Aaron and Shailene were friends long before sparks flew in August last year and having to endure a long-distance romance during football season actually made their bond stronger -- Aaron and Shailene are already planning to start a family and they're at that stage when they feel ready to be parents and are keen to have a baby

Page 25: Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles have found another dynamic duo to spend their downtime with which is Florence Pugh and Zach Braff -- the foursome hit it off on the set of Don't Worry, Darling which Olivia is directing and in which Florence and Harry star -- they have the best time together and know how to forget the world outside -- as it turns out bearing witness to Florence and Zach's happy relationship despite their 20-year age difference played a part in Olivia taking a chance on dating Harry who is nine years her junior following her split from Jason Sudeikis and seeing them together inspired Olivia to go for it with Harry and she's so glad she did

* While some couples are overwhelmed being with their kids 24/7 in lockdown, Prince William and Duchess Kate have enjoyed the extended family time with Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis -- having the kids at home during the pandemic has given Kate baby fever and she loves being around them and wants to have one more and she and William are trying for another, with Kate saying she's hoping for a girl -- as for raising four young kids, the pair are up to the challenge because Kate's a pro at multitasking and William is a devoted dad and they'll split parenting duties

* Matt Damon is hoping a change of scenery will save his rocky 17-year relationship with wife Luciana Barroso as the couple and their three girls have set up house in a lavish $7000-a-night rental in Australia's tony Byron Bay while the actor films Thor: Love and Thunder -- the beachy new surroundings are just what the couple needs after hitting a rough patch and Matt is working overtime to make sure Luciana enjoys herself Down Under by arranging date nights and buying gifts for her to open every day and even when he's working he's got time set aside for just them and the gestures seem to be working and it's the shot in the arm they both needed

Page 26: Cover Story -- Jennifer Lopez humiliated and used -- shocking cheating allegations rock J.Lo's world as fiance Alex Rodriguez's mistress Madison LeCroy tells all -- while Jennifer is putting on a brave face the affair rumors are devastating to her whether she admits it or not -- after revealing she and Alex exchanged DMs Madison said she doesn't want anything bad for his family or for hers -- Alex says it was innocent and that nothing happened but Jennifer is not fully buying it -- Jennifer and Alex's relationship is personal but it's also business; together, their fortunes have doubled

Page 30: Chip and Joanna Gaines -- inside our farmhouse reno -- Chip and Jo are expanding and renovating their Waco home and it may be their toughest job yet

Page 32: Celeb Parenting Fails -- these celebrity moms and dads share their hilarious hapless moments -- Anne Hathaway, Brad Pitt

Page 33: Willie Geist, Mila Kunis, Pink

Page 48: Parting Shot -- Despite it being her first concert in over a year, Miley Cyrus was ready to rock while headlining the TikTok Tailgate Super Bowl pre-show event in Tampa -- the show treated 7500 Florida-based healthcare workers to a set that included guest appearances by Joan Jett and Billy Idol, who both collaborated on Miley's latest album

[chefwhatnot]

Chatterfang, Squirrel General!

Honourable mention to a new fave, Rocco, Street Chef

So there are more tumblr mtg players than I anticipated, it turns out. What's everyone's favourite commander?

I'll go first, Juri of the Revue.

(Honourable mention to my meme deck where you have to get a date for Jenson Carthalion, Druid Exile by swiping left or right with his scry ability.)