#Robert my beloved 💜

[fancycolours]

Robert Lamm (1969)

[modernmanblues]

As mental health awareness month comes to an end, I want to remind you, you are loved, you are never alone and I am happy you are here. My messages and DMs are always open!

Spread the love with those who may need or want this reminder❤️

thank you, Mrs. Lexie Lamm ☺️💜 i love you so much mwaahh 😘

[purplefeathersandblackleather]

Fun fact I'm sure you'll appreciate: I totally adored RDJ's Sherlock, and was left wanting more after the sequel. If the timing had been right, I'm might've ended up beautifully obsessed over him/his Sherlock because that was before I discovered Benedict. But my obsession gene was dormant at the time.

😏😉

👀 And a good evening to you as well~

And interesting bit of information to learn of you, indeed my dear! It is fascinating to me that you should mention that your obsession was dormant because this was around the time that my love for this man began to take form! While I was indeed introduced to Tony in 2008, that was actually NOT my first time seeing my gorgeous muse. I was introduce to Robert in 2004 when my mother watched Gothika for the first time and while the plot was interesting, I was more fascinated by the handsome assistant to the main character. He took my breath away, Pete Graham had, but I was not aware of who he was. But when Iron Man came out - oh my heart still flutters - I began to understand exactly what I was in for. My mother asked me to go with her to see Iron Man because she was excited to see one of her favorite childhood actors playing her very favorite character. I remember the burning like fire in the pit of my stomach and the way my cheeks grew hot when I saw that scene in Iron Man for the first time.

I was done: There would never be another hero in my life the way Tony was. And Damon agreed: Him and I began to change his story to better suit being with Tony. The rest, well, it's beautiful chaos and something I will never forget no matter how much time goes by. My children - should my girlfriend and I have any - will know of this man and the way he changed my life! But that's not to say I was completely sold on Robert yet. And it wasn't until I saw his performance as Sherlock that I truly began to appreciate his diversity when it came to the roles that he could play. I knew in that moment, there would be no one on this beautiful but darkened world who would inspire me the way that he has. And I will never be afraid again to admit that. So, I think the timing didn't work out for you so that it could work out for me, and the same could be said for my feelings for Ben. After seeing him in War Horse, I thought that I could easily have loved him had I not already found out about Robert. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I fail to believe the universe is that lazy. Your timing with Robert didn't work and mine didn't for Benedict, so we could meet here in this time of our lives. 🌺💕 Thank you for sharing this with me, V. I truly believe now more than ever that our connection runs deeper than I believed.

Also that last gif has an amazing memory attached to it for me 😂 I very distinctly remember that part of the movie where he was dressed up as a woman for one very distinct reason. I had been visiting my grandparents one day in late 2012 and Game of Shadows was playing on the television. My grandfather - who normally had no interest in this kind of thing - had stopped on this movie for some reason. And as we watched together, I distinctly remember Sherlock making those people leave that train car and my grandfather busting out laughing at the look John gave Sherlock when he told him to lie down. He was just so done with Sherlock's bullshit, even I had to laugh. And somewhere in the back of my mind, Damon groaned in my head and said, "He really is Tony, no matter what era he's in." I've never thought to share that - or the fact Damon is my oldest running character since 2006 - with anyone. So, thank you dear flower, for giving me a reason to share that memory with everyone. 💜✨🖤

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

North To The Future [Chapter 4: Semi-Charmed Life]

The year is 1999. You are just beginning your veterinary practice in Juneau, Alaska. Aegon is a mysterious, troubled newcomer to town. You kind of hate him. You are also kind of obsessed with him. Falling for him might legitimately ruin your life…but can you help it? Oh, and there’s a serial killer on the loose known only as the Ice Fisher.

Chapter warnings: Language, alcoholism, addiction, murder, veterinary medicine, delicious Thanksgiving nomz, ANGST and let me repeat that last one in case you missed it ANGSTTTTTTTTT!!!

Word count: 5k.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.

Taglist: @elsolario​ @meadowofsinfulthoughts​ @ladylannisterxo​ @doingfondue​ @tclegane​ @quartzs-posts​ @liathelioness​ @aemcndtargaryen​ @thelittleswanao3​ @burningcoffeetimetravel​ @b1gb3anz​ @hinata7346​ @poohxlove​ @borikenlove​ @myspotofcraziness​ @travelingmypassion​ @graykageyama​ @skythighs​ @lauraneedstochill​ @darlingimafangirl​ @charenlie​ @thewew​ @eddies-bat-tattoos​ @minttea07​​

Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist! 💜

Here’s the thing about the Ice Fisher: he doesn’t have a type. Ted Bundy liked girls and young women. John Wayne Gacy liked boys and young men. Juan Corona liked farm laborers, Belle Gunness liked suitors who answered the marriage ads she placed in Chicago newspapers, Robert Hansen liked sex workers who he would set loose in the Alaskan wilderness and then hunt down with his Ruger Mini-14. Everyone has their preferences. But not the Ice Fisher.

The first victim was a burly mid-fifties logger and recreational hunter named Josiah Wolfenstein. The second was nineteen-year-old college student Tammy Miller; she was from Sitka and studying psychology, a choice that now strikes you as ironic. The third and most recent victim was Carol Philips: forty-three, Garth Brooks superfan, amateur baker, and beloved soccer mom. They have nothing in common except for their manner of death. They reveal no pattern. They shed no light on who the Ice Fisher is targeting, and conversely who can consider themselves safe. Everyone is a potential victim. And there is no such thing as safe.

In between veterinary appointments, you watch the local news coverage on the grainy tv in the clinic lobby, your arms crossed instinctively over your chest, your face grim.

“You want some bear mace?” Jennifer says, showing you a small black cannister attached to a keychain. “My boyfriend buys a new one for me every time someone gets murdered, so now I have extra.”

You take it tentatively. “Bear mace?”

“Yeah, but it works on people too. It has a 30-foot range. You can spray that Greek guy with it.”

You laugh and clip the bear mace to your purse: a Coach patchwork saddle bag that your parents bought you a few Christmases ago. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Chief of Police Eugene Baker, a high school classmate of your parents, is holding a press conference on the television screen. “We believe this killer to be an adult male with considerable physical strength and knowledge of the outdoors. While the first two victims were found in Dredge Lake, Ms. Philips’ remains were recovered from nearby Crystal Lake, complicating the investigation. Police are patrolling the Tongass National Forest, but we simply do not have the manpower to surveille all Juneau-area lakes at all times. We therefore will continue to ask for the public’s cooperation in submitting tips and identifying possible suspects. To this end, we have set up an anonymous 24/7 hotline staffed by volunteers; the phone number is displayed at the bottom of your screen. We advise all Juneau residents to stay vigilant, particularly around strangers, and avoid leaving their homes alone after dark…”

Outside in the violet-and-amber afternoon light, there is the sound of tires slipping on ice. Aegon’s 1985 Chevy Nova drifts sideways into a parking spot; or, rather, into a position improbably straddling three separate parking spots. He and Sunfyre exit the vehicle.

“Oh, great,” Jen grumbles. She hides behind the reception desk so she won’t have to interact with Aegon. She busies herself with cutting pieces of paper into snowflakes, impaling them with paperclips, and arranging them on the miniature Christmas tree that you obtained for the clinic.

“Hey!” Aegon announces merrily as he breezes inside. He is dressed in his light-wash Levis, black Converses, and an oversized pale green sweater with holes in it; the white of the T-shirt he has on underneath shines through the gaps like stars. Overtop he has thrown the black parka you gave him, unzipped and peppered with melting snowflakes. Half of his hair is pulled back in a messy bun. Sunfyre—still wearing his cone of shame—trots along beside him, unleashed.

“Hey,” you return, smiling. “You’re early.”

“We weren’t catching anything, there was an orca pod in the bay this morning and it scared most of the fish off. So we docked the boat after lunch.” His spots the new addition to your purse. “What’s up with that?”

“It’s bear mace. For bears…or serial killers…or you. I haven’t decided which yet. What’s up with your hair?”

“It’s a man bun,” he says, somewhat defensive. “They’re very popular in Southern California.”

“That sounds fictional.”

“I’ll have you know that in the acclaimed feature film Mulan, love interest and all-around badass General Li Shang had a man bun.”

“Literally fictional.”

“Are you going to take the stitches out of my dog’s face or are you just going to mercilessly bully me? I’m very sensitive, you know. As an Aquarius, I hide this beneath a thin veneer of rebellious behavior and inability to commit, but at my heart I am a profoundly fragile man. I’m forever just a few seconds away from disaster. I’m a Christmas ornament in the unsteady hands of a five-year-old high on the jittery, saccharine rush of Kool-Aid.”

“Tropical Punch?”

“Cherry. But knowing you, every cup would have to be a brand new flavor.”

You’re still smiling; you haven’t stopped since he walked in. Aegon smiles back. Jen peeks over the top of the reception desk with wide, curious eyes. Sunfyre whines and scratches at his cone, as if to remind everyone about the true purpose of this visit.

“Bring the beast,” you say, leading Aegon back into the exam room. He scoops up Sunfyre with a grunt and places him on top of the table; the dog’s nails click against the cool, reflective metal surface. You liberate Sunfyre from his cone, then numb his muzzle with lidocaine and remove the stitches one at a time, snipping them with surgical scissors and then pulling them out of the flesh with tweezers. Aegon watches you with his hands in his parka pockets, his expression strangely vacant.

“He’ll have a scar, won’t he?”

“Yes, a small one. But that will just make him more rugged and attractive to all the lady-dogs. Or gentleman-dogs, whatever Sunfyre is into.”

“A scar on his face,” Aegon murmurs, then shakes his pensiveness away. “What should I bring to Thanksgiving?”

“Probably nothing. I think my parents have it covered…the appetizers, the dinner, the desserts…and also, you do not strike me as someone who cooks.”

“Yeah, I eat a lot of Lunchables. But I feel like I should bring something.”

Your eyes flick to his, playful. “Are you worried about making a good first impression?”

Aegon smirks, shrugs, says nothing. Sometimes you make an appearance at Ursa Minor, sometimes you don’t; sometimes you pick up when he calls, sometimes you end up spending hours in his apartment watching the X-Files or Law & Order or 60 Minutes. Other times, you fill your time with work, family, friends, flipping through the tower of travel magazines you have stacked beside your bed. It’s not that you’re ignoring Aegon. It’s that you’re trying to figure out what being with him would be like: what you would gain, what it would cost. He hasn’t tried to touch you since that night under the Northern Lights. You haven’t tried to pry into his many mysteries. But each unanswered question is like a landmine one careless step away from eruption, and they’re filling up that space that stays between you on his threadbare floral couch. At this precise moment, Aegon seems sober, which is highly unusual. There’s something quiet and boyish about him when he’s like this, something almost vulnerable. You can picture him wandering aimlessly through the Foodland, staring at mounds of Idaho potatoes and cans of gooey apple pie filling, having no idea what to do with any of it.

“My mom really likes flowers,” you say. “And obviously she doesn’t get to see them a lot this time of year. So if you want to bring something, bring flowers.”

“Okay. Deal.”

“No rum and Cokes today?” you ask, still removing stitches with sure, deft hands.

“Not yet. But I’m counting the seconds until we’re done here, believe me.”

You recall what he told you as you sat together in Ursa Minor under Christmas lights and strands of shimmering silver tinsel: I don’t do well when I’m sober. You pull out the last stitch and pet Sunfyre’s soft fluffy head. He pants happily, his tail thumping against the table, his trusting dark eyes gazing up at you, tiny starless universes. “Why did you buy the Nova if you’re almost always too drunk to drive it?”

“So I can take Sunfyre up to the woods on nice days. He loves the trails.”

“Um, I don’t think you should be hiking out there alone.”

“Relax. Killers never get the people who deserve it.” Aegon flashes you grin, digs around in his parka pocket, tosses you a gold key that you catch in fumbling, cupped palms. “Here.”

“What is this?”

“It’s a spare. Just in case you ever want to stop by and hang out with my dog. Or, you know. Me.”

You gawk at the key, at Aegon, back to the key. “You’re giving me a…? Why would…? How…?”

“Just so you know it’s an option,” Aegon says. He lifts Sunfyre down from the exam table and leaves like the sun at dusk.

~~~~~~~~~~

You love waking up at home on holiday mornings. There is the noise of clanging pots and pans, the scents of bacon and pancakes and rising Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, the sound of one of your dad’s rock albums spinning on the record player in the living room. Today, his Thanksgiving preparation background music is Third Eye Blind; you bound down the stairs as Semi-Charmed Life drifts through the house. After a swift breakfast—your mom has already set out a plate for you, along with a glass of ice-cold orange juice and a Flintstones multivitamin—the real work begins.

The turkey is slathered with butter and herbs and placed in the oven. The neck and giblets are boiled to make stock for gravy, and then you set them aside for Sunfyre. The rolls are baked, the potatoes are mashed, the yams are smothered with brown sugar and marshmallows, the green bean casserole is topped with French’s fried onions, the stuffing is Stove Top out of the box, the cranberry sauce retains the precise shape of the aluminum can it was jiggled out of. Once you and your dad have finished setting the table, you tell him you’re heading out to pick up the mysterious friend who will be joining you for dinner.

“Your friend doesn’t have a car?” your dad asks, not critical or suspicious, merely intrigued. You have been uncharacteristically cagey about this particular friend, and with good reason. You know practically nothing besides what your parents have already surmised: male, probably single, inopportunely sexy.

“No, he does. I just told him that I’d give him a ride.” In case he gets too hammered to drive himself home, which is almost a certainty.

“Okay, ladybug,” your dad says, folding the red cloth napkins into inelegant triangles, his scruffy grey eyebrows knitted together. “Whatever floats your boat.”

When you knock on Aegon’s apartment door, he appears dressed in his most festive attire: a blue Hawaiian shirt, black jeans, combat boots, a gold chain around his neck, his white-blond hair neat and mostly straight. He is holding a bouquet of roses that have been dyed a deep sapphire color, like the ocean, like biting winter cold.

“Wow,” you say. “You look like Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo + Juliet.”

“I hope I get a happier ending.” He calls Sunfyre over. The golden retriever pads into view. He is wearing a meticulously groomed coat of fur and a blue bowtie to match Aegon’s shirt.

“Hey, buddy!” you squeal in delight, squatting down to scratch Sunfyre’s ears and cover his scarred muzzle with quick smacking kisses. “You are going to be so psyched when you see what we have for you. There’s a nice turkey neck…and a heart, and a liver…and a delicious gizzard…and maybe even some nice juicy kidneys…and I’ll slice it up all up for you into easily chewable little bites…”

“Calm down, Appletini,” Aegon says, grabbing his parka. “You wouldn’t want anyone thinking you’re the Ice Fisher.”

Back at your parents’ house, your mom and dad dash to the door to meet your enigmatic friend, clamoring like teenage girls at an Enrique Iglesias concert. Aegon beams and shakes their hands, thanking them graciously for the invitation. Your dad shoots you a furtive grin: This friend IS sexy! Sunfyre presents himself for pats and high-pitched coos of adoration.

“I’m Vince, and this is my wife Debbie,” your dad says. “But you can call us Mom and Dad, that’ll make things less confusing. That’s what most of my daughter’s friends do.”

“That is so totally cool of you. I’m Aegon.”

“Aegon?!” your mom blurts out before she can stop herself.

He sighs. “It’s Greek.”

“Oh, how exotic!” she recovers tactfully, then gasps when he hands her the bouquet. “For me?!”

“It’s the absolute least I could do. I hope you like roses. The options at the Foodland were roses, roses, or…let me think…oh yeah, more roses.”

“They’re lovely,” your mom purrs. “And such a unique color!”

“They reminded me of Alaska, all the ocean, and ice, and big open sky…and also Appletini. Because I always give her the blue mug.”

Your parents blink at him, confounded. “…Appletini?” your dad ventures, smiling.

“It’s a long story,” you say, suddenly shy.

“Well, come on in,” your mom courteously deflects. “There are deviled eggs, salmon dip, Ritz crackers, and pigs in a blanket just waiting to be eaten.”

As your mom and dad bang around the kitchen putting the final touches on dinner, you and Aegon assemble your appetizer plates and loiter in the dining room, nibbling and chatting, bathed in the flickering golden light of the woodstove and humming along to the red Third Eye Blind vinyl that is still rotating on the record player like a bloody planet. There are three unopened bottles of wine on the table. Aegon keeps glancing at them, his eyes gleaming and famished.

“Would you like a tour of the house?” you say. “An authentic Alaskan house? Come March you’ll probably never have this opportunity again. You’ll be jet-setting off to some other far-flung destination, probably somewhere warm where they have plentiful Taco Bells and internet.”

“I’m not a fan of the internet,” Aegon replies, piling a Ritz cracker worryingly high with salmon dip. “But Taco Bells are a must. Yes, lead the way, oh wise and prophetic Madame Appletini.”

You show him the kitchen where your parents are laboring (floral wallpaper), the study (more floral wallpaper), the living room (wood paneling), and the backyard (adorned with a salt lick for the friendly neighborhood cow moose). Then you take Aegon upstairs to your bedroom. He ponders the details for a nerve-rackingly long time as he gnaws on slightly-too-crispy pigs in a blanket: your stack of travel magazines, your veterinary books, your dark blue bedding, the photographs taped to your mirror, the plethora of posters tacked to your walls.

Aegon speaks without looking at you, still investigating. “Has Trent ever gotten to enjoy your extensive collection of Ricky Martin posters?”

“Not yet. Preferably not ever.”

Now Aegon turns to you; he is smiling. “I feel so sorry for him.”

“Dinner’s ready, kids!” your dad shouts up the stairs, and you obediently report to the table to eat until you are in agony, which to your understanding is the primary objective of Thanksgiving.

“Drinks?” you mom inquires as she lights the tall red candles. The blue roses are in a vase at the center of the table. “There’s Tang, and Snapple, and water of course, and Pinot Noir. Martha Stewart says that’s the best wine to pair with turkey.”

“Wine, please,” Aegon says. She fills his glass. It vanishes almost immediately.

Aegon is the perfect guest: he samples everything and offers enthusiastic compliments, even when he is clearly horrified (as he is by the green bean casserole): “The turkey is so moist and flavorful!” “The yams are like dessert!” “It’s so fun to poke this cranberry sauce!” “My, what a creative use of cream of mushroom soup!” Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Sunfyre feasts on a plate of turkey organs and a few slices of white meat. You have a glass of wine, and so does your dad; your mom has two; you lose count of Aegon’s glasses after four. He becomes increasingly uncoordinated, giggly, fogged like a window. Your parents do not encourage him to drink, but they don’t try to stop him either; they ignore his drunkenness like a ghost that stands in the corner of the room, silent, waiting, set ablaze by firelight.

“Do I detect a British accent?” your dad asks Aegon pleasantly. “So this must be a new experience for you. Did you grow up abroad?”

“I grew up everywhere.” Aegon smirks evasively, swigging his wine. “And yes, my exposure to Thanksgiving is extremely limited. But I like this. I like this a lot. I’m going to have to do it every year, wherever I am. Sunfyre will rebel if I don’t. He’ll call PETA to file a complaint.”

“You do quite a bit of travelling, I gather,” your mom says. She watches Aegon with an intense, mesmerized sort of interest. It’s almost unnerving. It’s like she is searching for something: fingerprints dusted at a crime scene, gold nuggets sifted from a river.

“All over. All the time.”

“What do you do for work?”

“Everything,” Aegon says. “Here I’m salmon trolling. In San Francisco I was a dockworker, in San Diego I was a lifeguard—you don’t want to know how little training it takes to be a custodian of human lives, it’s absolutely horrifying, they’d let a great white shark be a lifeguard if it looked good in red��in Phoenix I did construction, just outside of Denver I got a job working on a cattle ranch. In Dallas I picked cotton. In Portland, Maine I caught lobsters. I’ll try anything once. I just like to keep moving. As long as I can make enough money to have somewhere for me and Sunfyre to sleep at night, I’m happy.”

“You’re just like Jack Dawson in Titanic,” your mom sighs, smiling in a way that brightens her whole face. “All you need is the air in your lungs.”

“You work on the same boat as Heather’s brother Trent, is that right?” your dad asks.

“Oh, Trent!” your mom says. “He’s a hunk. He looks just like a long-haired Matt Damon.”

You squint at her. “Yeah, if Matt Damon did steroids.”

“He’s a nice boy, that Trent,” your dad says. “I mean, he won’t be winning Who Wants To Be A Millionaire anytime soon, but he’s solid.”

Your mom nods in agreement. “Dumb as a rock.”

“He’s a great guy,” Aegon says diplomatically. “Wouldn’t hurt a fly. Unless that fly was a salmon.” He laughs overly-loudly, sloshing red wine out of his glass and staining the tablecloth like blood on snow. Your parents pretend not to notice.

After dinner, your mom brings out dessert: one pumpkin pie, one apple pie, one plate full of Tongass Forest Cookies. Aegon samples both pies and gobbles cookies until his Hawaiian shirt is littered with crumbs, washing them down with more wine. Then he gets up to pull on his parka and let Sunfyre outside. Aegon lurches as he moves, clutching walls and counters and the backs of chairs.

“I’ll go with you,” your mom offers before you can. She helps Aegon down the icy porch steps and then plays with Sunfyre in the backyard: chasing him through the snow, throwing sticks for him to fetch, tossing snowballs for him to snap between his jaws. Aegon, wobbly but in good spirits, participates as much as he can. And the way that your mom looks at him…it’s an expression you can’t recall ever seeing on her face before. It is fascination and fondness and grief all tangled up together. The light in her eyes is beautiful; it is also breathtakingly sad.

Your dad taps one of the empty wine bottles. “He’s got a problem, ladybug.”

“I know.”

“You can’t fix that for him. He has to want to fix himself.”

“I know,” you say again, your voice a brittle whisper.

Your dad sighs deeply and clasps his hands together, stares out the window, contemplates something heavy and unseen. At last, he speaks. “I’ve loved your mother my whole life. And when she and Jesse got together, I thought it was going to kill me. It wasn’t the fact that she was with another man. It was what he put her through. There were fights, there were bruises, and then there were promises and apologies, past-due bills and handmade birthday cakes, locked doors, open doors, kicked down doors. I couldn’t get her to leave him, and I couldn’t watch it keep happening. I tried everything to get away from your mother. I joined the goddamn Marines to get away from her. Four years in Vietnam and I still couldn’t sweat her out. I came back to Juneau and used my G.I. Bill to go to the University of Alaska, and…I would never admit this to anyone except you, but you need to hear it…I waited for that marriage to fall apart. And it did, but it took Jesse drowning in the Gastineau Channel.” He looks at you with miserable, glistening eyes. “Watching the way your mother suffered with a man like that was hell. Watching you go through the same thing would be unbearable.”

There is silence: a silence as thick and perilous as the ocean. Your dad studies you, searching for understanding, for a rational consensus to be reached. You study the lines in your palms. There is nothing rational about what you’re feeling. Alaska is flush with eligible men who are not temporary, not secretive, not unrepentant alcoholics: pilots, truckers, fishermen, loggers, oil riggers, scientific researchers, park rangers. You don’t want any of them. You’ve never wanted anything the way you want Aegon. It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair.

The back door opens, and your mom and Sunfyre—elated and covered in snow—romp into the house. Your mom is giggling as she grabs a dishtowel from the kitchen and begins to clean the snow from Sunfyre’s fur. “You might want to…uh…retrieve Aegon,” she tells you. “It’s pretty cold out there.”

“What’s he doing?”

“Making snow angels.”

“Oh. Great.” You put on your own parka and head out into the afternoon twilight.

“Hey,” Aegon says from where he’s sprawled on the ground. He’s sweeping his arms and legs back and forth as stars rise in the sky.

“Hey. Are you having fun down there?”

“Yes.” His breath is a cloud in the frigid air. His arms and legs go still. “I love feeling small like this. Nothing matters. Not our pasts, not our accomplishments, not our mistakes. We’re all just bones with memories. We’re all just future space dust.”

“You don’t want to be remembered?”

“God no. What would be worth remembering? I want to be a whisper. I want to be the wind that blows over the ocean.” He cranes his neck to look up at you, thoughtful in that glazed, drunken sort of way. “You can remember me, I guess. I’ll allow that. But only you. No one else.”

“Assuming I outlive you.”

“You will obviously outlive me.” He holds his arms up in the air and you pull him to his feet.

“I think it’s time for you and Sunfyre to go home.”

“Oh no.” His face is filled with abrupt realization. “Do your parents hate me?”

“No, they like you. They like you a lot. They’re just worried about you.” And they’d be a lot more worried if they knew about the track marks on your arms or the fact that you can’t stay in one place longer than six months without being descended upon by maybe-metaphorical ghosts.

Aegon laughs wildly, almost hysterically. He reaches for your shoulder to steady himself and then stops short. He sways in the late-November air, his hair dripping from the snow, his hazy blue eyes all over you. You tuck his ever-errant lock of hair behind his ear. I love him, you think helplessly, like when you know you’re dreaming but can’t wake up. “Worried about me,” he muses without elaborating. “Worried about me.”

Your parents send Aegon home with warm hugs and Tupperware containers full of leftovers, including extra turkey meat for Sunfyre and a truly ludicrous helping of cookies. You drive to Aegon’s apartment building slowly so Sunfyre can stick his head out the back window and bark gleefully at every car you pass. It is dark when you get there, the sunset come and gone, the constellations visible in a rare clear sky: Gemini, Orion, Draco, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor. Your Jeep idles under the lusterless beam of a streetlight.

Aegon asks, a ghost of a smile on his lips: “You want to come upstairs with me?”

“Yes,” you reply. And if you do, you won’t leave until morning. “But not until I’ve talked to you about something first.”

“It’s important,” Aegon says softly, not a question but an observation, reading your face like a weather forecast: chance of sun, chance of storms.

“Yes, it’s important.”

“Okay. Let me take Sunfyre inside and I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

He doesn’t kiss you goodbye, he doesn’t even hug you. He reaches out with one hand and dusts his calloused thumbprint across your cheekbone, marveling at you like you’re a radiant horizon, like you’re ancient ruins: cave paintings older than the pyramids, pillars of stones and secrets. Then he gets out of the Jeep and staggers into the apartment building with Sunfyre scampering along beside him. He reappears moments later, his hands buried in the pockets of his parka. You were too anxious to wait in the Jeep; you pace back and forth beneath the dim ochre streetlight. Aegon watches you from several yards away, waiting for you to begin.

“Look,” you say. “I like you.”

“Cool.”

“No, I mean, I really like you.”

He smiles like the sun, like the Northern Lights. “So you are applying to be my Juneau girl.”

“Yes. But I need something from you first.”

His blue eyes are calm beneath the streetlight, beneath the starlight. “Name it.”

“I need you to get help.”

Aegon shakes his head, not understanding, his smile slowly dying. His lock of bone-white hair cuts his cheek in half like a scar. “What are you talking about?”

“You can go to rehab. I’ll help you find a program, I’ll take care of Sunfyre while you���re away.”

Everything about him changes, like the phases of the moon: his face darkens, his eyes go steely and sharp, everything you love about him is eclipsed. “I don’t need rehab.”

“Aegon, you obviously need rehab.”

He glares at you with savage distrust, with betrayal.

“I need you to get yourself together,” you plead. “I want to be with you, I want to let myself care about you, but I can’t do that when you’re killing yourself right in front of me.”

“I don’t see how it affects you.”

“It does. It will.”

“I’m a lot better now than I was two years ago.”

“It’s not good enough, Aegon.”

He looks down at his combat boots, then back at you. You barely recognize him. “So I’m not good enough.”

“That’s not what I said—”

“It’s what you meant, it’s what this whole fucking conversation is about, right?” he flares. “You not being satisfied with the kind of person I am. You thinking that you get any say at all in who I am. Are you delusional, are you that goddamn narcissistic? Have you staked some claim to me that I’m unaware of? Are you Christopher Columbus here to strip me bare and claim you discovered me?”

“Are you listening to me?! I’m trying to tell you that I l—”

“No, you don’t like me. You like some hypothetical version of me that you’re trying to convince yourself exists.”

You stare at him in heartbroken disbelief. “Why won’t you let me help you?”

“I don’t need your help. I don’t want your help.”

“But I thought…if you would just…we could…”

“When the fuck did I ever promise you a future?” Aegon flings like a blade. “When did I ever promise you anything? You think I showed up here to build you some cabin on the side of a mountain, get a desk job, give you Christmases and kids? That’s not me. That’s never going to be me. I’m not yours to use. I’m not a Ricky Martin poster to keep tacked up on your wall. I’m not the impetus to bail you out of your spineless, unfulfilling life.”

“Please stop.” Your throat is burning; there are hot tears slithering from your eyes. The icy wind stings against your face. “Please just stop.”

“I’m not the one who fucked this up,” Aegon hisses. “It was you, it was you, because I told you the truth but you refused to believe it. I’m not yours and I never was and I’m never going to be, so you better get that through your thick fucking skull. I’m not yours.”

“And why would I want someone like you?!” you scream into the darkness. He flinches away like you’ve hit him. His eyes are huge and glassy. “An alcoholic, an addict, a coward who runs away from anything worth living for? I’d rather die than waste my life on you. Wait, my mistake, waste the next four months on you, because then you’ll be fleeing to go terrorize some other girl in some other city. I don’t want you. I can’t wait to forget you.”

“Then go!” Aegon roars over his shoulder as he turns away. “Just fucking go!” He storms off into his apartment building; he disappears like the end of summer, leaving a jet-black endless void.

You retreat back into your Jeep, slam the door, and sit there under the silver-cold moonlight sobbing into empty, trembling hands.

[roberrtphilip]

i love coming to your blog and just seeing your beloveds dancing. that’s what it’s about.

anyway my question: i know you also have a thousand different ways of how they find out/react to the pregnancy, but i also wanna know: what was morgan’s reaction?

the ball scene is truly always on my mind 💙💜

and gosh how did you know I'm still thinking Very Hard about Baby Philip Fluff?

Morgan's reaction, I think, is that she wasn't mad really, but she wasn't thrilled about it at first either. She was an only child for so long, and I don't think she ever cared to have a sibling, especially not with an age gap like theirs would be. I also think she doesn't like change, and things were going so Good in the Philip house, why change it now?? Why add another person?

But she was never rude about it. I feel like for a little while she just ignored it, and tried to process things quietly on her own.

I think things started to change, though, when she was invited to tag along for an ultrasound appointment. She originally only agreed to go bc it got her out of school, but when she saw Sofia on the screen? It was really cool to her, and she started to warm up to the whole thing. After that, I headcanon that she's actually the one who helped come up with the name "Sofia" (which I have a fic about this typed up, and it's mostly done, I just have to fix a few things).

What truly got her really excited about having a sibling, though, was when she felt Sofia kick for the first time. She heard her parents talking about how much she kicks, and she really wanted to feel it, but felt awkward asking, so she didn't at first. Eventually, though, she did and it was like the coolest thing ever to her. I have a little snippet of it in this fic (x) but I kind of want to make that into a full one-shot... perhaps I will soon.

And now?? Morgan loves Sofia So Much. I feel like once she got over her fears of possibly dropping her (babies are so Fragile and holding her really scares her at first) she would want to hold her all the time. Everyone in the Philip house (including the Tremaines) fights over who gets to hold Sofia, I'm convinced.

including these pics bc they are Robert & Giselle's daughters but, more importantly, My Daughters 💚💛

[nemo-of-house-hamartia]

Hello, darling Nemo! 💜 Been trying to decide which of your OCs to pick and choose for the character aesthetics meme and I finally managed to make a decision - if you don't mind, please make something for Robert, he's such a wonderful OC of yours! 💕Thank you!

Darling Susie, welcome, welcome!

Thank you so much for your ask, I am so happy to be able to babble a little about my Sweet Robin! <3 I don't talk about him enough!

So, allow me to share his Aesthetic!

ROBERT "ROBIN" ANDREW STARRICK-FRYE

MOODBOARD: (I took the liberty of doing two moodboards for him, as a child and as an adult, I hope you don't mind. I just love him so much <3)

PLAYLIST:

" Sogno di Volare ("The Dream of Flight")"- Christopher Tin

"Come by the Hills" - Loreena McKennitt

"A lifetime of Adventure" - Tuomas Holopainen

STEAL HIS LOOK:

QUOTES :

“So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land!” -  J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

“To move, to breathe, to fly, to float, to gain all while you give, to roam the roads of lands remote, to travel is to live.”- Hans Christian Andersen

“I don't use the word "can't" because I don't believe in limiting myself. I am able. I am capable. I am strong. Never think less of yourself because society expects you to behave in a certain way. We decide our own limits. I have chosen to have none.” - Amanda McDonough, Ready to Be Heard: How I Lost My Hearing and Found My Voice

“Awake. Love. Think. Speak. Be walking trees. Be talking beasts. Be divine waters.” - C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

HIS AESTHETIC:

Sunny days; the perfume of freshly baked bread; apple blossoms; a meadow filled with flowers and buzzing with bees; honeyed apple and cinnamon tea; the clear April sky; clouds as soft as cotton; white linen curtains that gently flow in the early morning breeze; fields of golden barley swaying in the sunset breeze; birds bathing in the small stony bath just beneath his window; eyes filled with wonder and hope and joy for life;long walks in the evening sun following path of dirt; travelling by train around and discovering new things; games of musical chairs played with his siblings and his parents; evening spent sketching portraits of the most beloved people; the palette stained with watercolours; a jar filled with brushes; his family's love cradling him and supporting him;

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[leftsidebonfire]

✨️ Pinned Post! ✨️

Hello and welcome to Leftsidebonfire, where we always Go Left! 👈🔥

You can feel free to call me Katie or Elfie! I'm 26, Female, She/Her.

☠️🏴‍☠️ I have OCs and I also RP from time to time! If you like that sort of thing, Follow my sideblog: @talesfromtherollingmountain

✨️ In this little blog, you can expect to find my silly little rambles about a whole array of things, including (but not limited to!):

✨️ One Piece, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Dungeons and Dragons, The Witcher, Assassins Creed, Epic The Musical, and more!

I also love to draw, which you'll find pretty frequently on this blog, with OC and Fandom art. I also have a lot of fun making moodboards and aesthetic boards for fandoms, characters, ships, and OCs.

And when inspiration strikes, I write!

Welcome aboard!

My rules here are simple.

1. Be Excellent to each other

2. Party on, Dudes!

Okay, in seriousness, I don't expect this server to really need much guidance. The obvious rules apply.No nastiness, be kind to each other, behave. Let's be good friends and care for each other. Life is hard enough. 💕

✨️ OH, and we don't call Sanji a "Vinsmoke" here.

Masterlist Below!

💀🏴‍☠️ One Piece

Wouldn't Hurt a Fly: Sometimes, even the sweet ones reach their breaking point. Unaek, forced to watch her beloved Sanji being hurt to protect her, takes matters into her own hands when she unlocks a new level of her Devil Fruit she had never expected before.

Wild Blue Yonder: The thought of a dungeon inside the Germa castle was terrifying. That was where all the bad people went. Killers and monsters. But, Unaek was going to be eight soon. And that meant that she could be brave.

Wild Blue Yonder (Part 2)

💜💫Jojo's Bizarre Adventure

Tea For Thugs, A young Victorian woman known as Amaryllis helps out an injured stranger on the streets of London one night, unknowingly forming a bond with the leader of the most feared gangs in all of London, Robert E. O. Speedwagon.

Tea For Thugs (part 2)

Breathe Me: Joseph Joestar is strong in many ways, except for the moments when his resolve fails, and he admits that even he needs a little bit of comfort when it feels like the world is caving in. Jocasta offers Joseph some relief from his Hamon Training Mask.

At Our Place, We Do Four: The French are known to kiss cheeks as a greeting, and as someone with the world's biggest crush on a sweet, flirty Frenchman, I can't say I'm one to complain. (Self ship with Polnareff)

Hey Jealousy: "Keep an eye on Polnareff" is a difficult task when you won't admit that you're jealous. In which I follow Polnareff around the streets while he agonizingly flirts with Nena. (Self ship with Polnareff)

[gregorygerwitz]

Hi Alex, I'm here to ask you about your pirate novel, both some logistics and world building questions, I hope it's not too much!

Are you planning to traditionally publish or self publish or something else?

How does marriage on the open sea differ in this world from marriage on land?

For you, what's the difference in the story with predetermined characters to fleshing out your own?

How did you select their names? I know one was put into a poll, what about the others?

I'd love to know more about the villain of the story! Is there anything you want to share about them?

Hello hello hello!

I am kicking my feet and twirling my hair thank you so much for these! This is gonna get long, I can feel it, so most of it will be under a read more, but I'm gonna have a lot of fun with all of them! 💜

Are you planning to traditionally publish or self publish or something else?

I have no idea. I have a friend who is a published author who I'm gonna ask about their experiences. I'm just not rushed to make a decision on that yet because the novel itself is nowhere near done. I'll definitely post about it here when I have updates tho!

How does marriage on the open sea differ in this world from marriage on land?

I've actually answered this one before! It's one of my favorite details about this universe I've built, so it's very fleshed out.

For you, what's the difference in the story with predetermined characters to fleshing out your own?

I mean... this idea started as a fic! It's literally Moustead fanfiction, I just changed the names and I'm writing it into a novel instead, because I really, really love this story I've created. So, these characters were basically already fleshed out for me. However, because it's an AU that's so wildly different from the canon it's based on, I ended up creating my own characters anyway. I like AUs, so this is just the normal process for me, at this point.

How did you select their names? I know one was put into a poll, what about the others?

So, each of the names I chose for the main four are pretty specifically chosen? Like, Elliot is literally just... he was Knox already, and that's a name I can get away with keeping. For the Mouse character, I knew I could keep the nickname or Gregory, but I probably shouldn't keep both because of copyright issues, so I went with my headcanon for Mouse's middle name, Sebastian. Evelyn was the one that went to a poll, because I loved too many names when I was researching and simply couldn't decide. And the last character that got a name was Robert - he's named after my grandfather, who I lost back in October. He was always one of my biggest supporters when I would come up with stories as a kid, so I wanted his (middle) name in there somewhere, and I'm already planning on dedicating the book to him when it's done.

I'd love to know more about the villain of the story! Is there anything you want to share about them?

Elliot my beloved. Does he suck? Yes. Is he the villain? Yeah. Is he quite frankly the worst person in the book, morally? For sure. But did I give him way more depth than the CPD writers gave Knox and actually give him a logical reason for his actions in a way that, from the perspective of his crew, it all seems completely justified? YEAH. I love him. I gave him trauma and I think about him regularly.

[thekingofworems]

WHY HELLO MY SUBJECTS 💜

It is I, your beloved King Nico, King of Worm on a String and all things silly and goofy

First off, let's go over the basics: Name, Pronouns, all that jazz. I am nothing if not transparent-

My name is Nico, duh

Old enough (16-20), creepos can gtfo🖕🏾

I'm poc (African American)

He/It/Xe

I love art; traditional, digital, photography, music!! I sing, though I haven't posted anything here, it's really just for fun. Y'all have seen my traditional stuff tho!

I really like Worm on a String, obviously and have one of my own! His name is PaperTowel and he is my ✨son✨ as well as my most loyal companion! He's always featured in my drawings<3

I have ADHD and ASD! I tend to take a lot of things literally most of the time, so please be patient with me and use tone tags if you can remember to!

Also an intense obsession with Cryptid College, an ongoing comic on Webtoon and Tumblr by @internetwerewolf and @electrosweaters-arts ! I love these guys and their characters, so silly

I don't usually read but damnit Tumblr you've gotten me mixed into it again

I have a few sideblogs!! Please interact w my ask blog for Jascha I love him so much

@dontstoptalkingaboutgaza , @nicolaigraevestoun , @a-miserable-wretch , @muriel-is-my-pookie , secret nsfw one if you can find it‼️

Which leads to my next point, the books/series' I like!

Please tell me if I spell an author's name wrong!

I've finished reading -

Percy Jackson and The Olympians

Heroes of Olympus

Trials of Apollo (first 2 books)

Frankenstein: Alive, Alive!

Frankenstein - Mary Shelley

Yeah yeah, I know it's not much

I'm currently reading -

Dracula - Bram Stoker

The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson

The Burning Maze - Rick Riordan

Once again, not a lot but ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

I'm planning to read -

The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde

The Odyssey - Homer (MAYBE)

The Invisible Man - H. G. Wells

The Tyrant's Tomb, The Tower of Nero - Rick Riordan

Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard

And last but not least: Boundaries!!

DNI

Racist

Transphobic

Homophobic

Ableist

anti-Semitic

MAP

If I am to find out you are or support any of the above you will be blocked and reported. Cuz fuck that🤢

That's pretty much it, hopefully now you've gotten to know me better! I'm glad I get to interact with all you beautiful people on this hellsite

~ With love, shenanigans and general Wormy Hijinks,

His Majesty, Nicolai

[ebiemidnightlibrarian]

Tagged by my beloved and talented @chronic-ghost ily! Thanks for this!!

three ships:

— Evey/V from V from Vendetta (your first OTP you never forget).

— Jerry Dandridge/Amy from Fright Night (considering their Canon background on Amy being a reincarnation of Jerry's former lover, but I like to think that would only happen once Amy was no longer a minor - the film tells us she's in high schoo, soo, yeah, it's pretty problematic, but the actors have a great chemistry so I'm putting the blame on them)

— Miriam Blaylock/Sarah Roberts from The Hunger - so here we have the almost canonical couple. Idk Man, there's a bit of gaslithing there but man it's such a good couple!!

first ship: ohhh ho ho ho, I think probably was Lilian Potter/Severus Snape, oh boy I was just a lil kid back then, but it was the first. But if we are talking about the first that I was aware of shipping It was Sarah Williams/Jareth the Goblin King, ho ho I'm not overthinking my way into what this tells abt me.

last movie/ tv show: Re-watched Gaslit while hoping they would get at least one award at the Critics Choice. They didn't. But I could see my favourite sad himbo dilf be a dumbass and look hot.

last song: Rock 'n' Roll Suicide – David Bowie

currently reading: You Can't Go Home Again by Thomas Wolfe. It's a very interesting noir book, I'm still in the first chapters, but I'm really invested!! Started reading bc I discovered the made-for-tv film starring Chris Sarandon and after being unable to watch it anywhere I decided to read the book.

currently watching: The Last of Us. GUYS I AM NOT OKAY ABT THIS SERIES (i'd to apologize in advance for the person I'll become 'till the season finale.)

currently consuming: Cocada (it's a coconut + caramel candy, it's so juicy. This one in particular reminds me the ones my granny used to make, nostalgic taste.)

currently craving: the inspiration I need to FINALLY finish writing what I planned to post last month.

No pressure tags!💜 @littleredwritingcat @everythingbutresolved @apbajs @madsmilfelsen @girlwiththenegantattoo and anyone else who'd like!

[fancycolours]

Robert Lamm (2024)

[fancycolours]

😍😍😍😍

CUTEST PERSON AWARD 💖

Once you are given this award you're supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. if you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out ♡

Awww, thanks so much! *Blows you purply kisses 💜*

[modernmanblues]

for @fancycolours my beloved 💜 as promised, here’s the Robert edit i’ve been meaning to make for you ☺️ 🌼 sorry it took forever for me to make this 😭 hope you like it, Mrs. Lamm!!! Robert loves you soo much 💕

[stelliumastrology]

#118 Evolutionary Astrology: Beliefs, Empowerment & Reincarnation with Steven Forrest

Being an Evolutionary Astrology newbie, I really lucked out with my first ever introduction on the subject being with award-winning world renowned Astrologer Steven Forrest, principal of the Forrest Centre of Evolutionary Astrology and consultant to celebrities such as Sting and Robert Downey Jr.

My Jupiter–Uranus conjunction in Sagittarius revelled in the opportunity to explore some of the bigger questions of life and beyond, starting with the most fundamental: Why?

Believe me when I say this conversation did not disappoint – I thoroughly enjoyed every moment with Steven, during which I realised a lot of my thought processes and personal connection to our beloved craft was spookily in-sync with evolutionary astrology perspectives, and Steven’s own personal journey.

I hope you enjoy this special episode of The Stellium Astrology Podcast.

➡️ What are your thoughts on Evolutionary Astrology? Do you believe in reincarnation?

LINKS

Watch this episode https://youtu.be/WKeb-IGWNO4

Bruce Lee Quote:  https://www.quotespedia.org/authors/b/bruce-lee/dont-think-feel-it-is-like-a-finger-pointing-away-to-the-moon-dont-concentrate-on-the-finger-or-you-will-miss-all-that-heavenly-glory-bruce-lee/

The Film It's From https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm0uSVvjsOA

Maurice Fernandez Reincarnation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-5JXOfzl0M

The Forrest Centre of Evolutionary Astrology https://forrestastrology.center/

Steven Forrest Astrology https://www.forrestastrology.com/

The Book of Music Horoscopes https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/42406450-the-book-of-music-horoscopes

Steven Forrest Books (Goodreads) https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/16291386.Steven_Forrest?from_search=true&from_srp=true

The Elements Package https://www.forrestastrology.com/products/elements-book-package

TSAP Elements Episodes https://stelliumastrology.libsyn.com/category/The+Elements+%28Triplicities%29

  📍Links https://www.stelliumastrology.com/links/

💜 Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and email me a screenshot to be entered into the prize draw!

Check out this episode!

[lilacerull0]

6, 8, 19, 20, 22 and 25

hiiiii mal the writer wizard 🌠

6. your current “on repeat” song

mis-shapes - pulp

not saying dr. robert (the beatles) because... yeah that would be SO FUNNY on this specific tumblr blog, but like... awkward funny

8. a song that speaks the words you couldn’t say

plainsong - the cure (which is. weird? but also interesting because that song is more instrumental than anything else. hmm i AM good with words, a bit messy sure, but it makes sense that my "i can't articulate this" song isn't all that lyrical, though the lyrics of plainsong HIT HARD, soooo good actually)

19. a song from an artist whose old music you enjoy more than their new music

welp, i do prefer springsteen's older stuff so i'm saying "for you" which is a track on his debut album (my beloved <3), greetings from asbury park, n.j. (SONG OF ALL TIME!!!!! ALBUM OF ALL TIME!!!!!)

20. a song that empowers you

there are So Many (music is my life fuel), but it MUST be rollercoaster - bleachers cuz... that's like my life anthem, i wanna make out with this song.

22. a song you related to in the past and present, but for different reasons

uuuuu i like this one. this is not very specific, more like a feeling that evolved over the course of time or maybe transformed into something else is a better way to put it, but asleep (the smiths) has been with me for A Long Time (that whole album actually, louder than bombs) and it ironically brought me a lot of comfort when i needed it, but now it's more nostalgic than anything else. wow i feel like charlie kelmeckis

oh and growing up - bruce springsteen, but the relating is a bit more specific there (I took month long vacations in the stratosphere DUDE WHO DOES THAT???? a poetic genius that's who)

25. the song currently stuck in your head OR the song you are listening to right now

currently listening to bowie's version of god only knows (records dearest <3)

and senses working ovetime (xtc) is stuck in my head rn, what a classic, loved hearing it on tv yesterday morning, new blog title is honouring my enthusiasm ( synesthesia subtext my cherished friend 💖💫 ) 🎶

thanks for stopping by 💜

ask game

[fancycolours]

My Darlin' Dear ofc 🥰😍😘💜💜💜

what's everyone's lockscreen?? tell me in the tags or reblog with a screenshot