#River went a long time with hiding negative emotions

[sofiasfanartcollection]

More expression practice! This time with my mutant-sona, River :)

(If I draw her with characters from Rise, which I would like to do someday, I’ll probably stylize and simplify her a bit more. )

[mcx7demonbros]

Darkness and The Coffin

This is Part III of my The Rise of the Archon of Sin series, featuring my self-insert MC, Klein.

Part I - The Sacrifice

Part II: The Mourning

Pairings - all brothers x Klein, but Lucifer x Klein is the most prevalent

Warning - lessons 16 & 38 spoilers, slight mention of religion

Note - there will be 2 Kleins in this part (why? Read to know XD), so I’ll use 2 different colors to distinguish between the two of them.

Klein - the Klein we always know

Klein - the other Klein

Last thing, Thirteen makes a cameo

Where am I? Klein asked himself the moment he opened his eyes.

The Overlord found himself lying next to a bonfire on the bank of a dark river. On the sky, there was nothing except the moon, which looked completely eerie and twisted like something from a horror movie. Klein looked around him, and beside the bonfire, he also found many things, from a common thing like a teddy bear to a gold statue of the Egyptian god Horus, all of which seemed old and abandoned.

“Ah, you woke up, good.” Klein turned to the direction of the voice. And standing there was…himself, or rather, another Klein.

“Who are you?” Klein immediately got up and prepared to fight.

“I know that would be your reaction.” Klein said without any emotion. “But you do know me.” He lifted his shirt and showed Klein something.

“Those wounds…you are t-the other me, the one killed by Belphie - Belphegor in the other timeline, no, it’s also my timeline now.” Klein couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice. “Why are you here?”

“‘Belphie’, I see you are already that close to him.” Klein snickered. “As for why I’m here, when that damnable demon butler merged the timeline, you became the only Klein. And I, I was thrown away to this place - the Land of the Dead and Forgotten.” Klein said as he used his hands to signal for Klein to look around. “And when you killed yourself to save Lucifer and the others, your soul was exiled to this place too.”

“The Land of the Dead & Forgotten?” Klein asked.

“Yes, any living thing that dies in extremely special circumstances, like by the Night Dagger or erased by merging timelines, will come here. As for objects, they are simply forgotten by human, I guess.”

Klein looked at Klein while he was talking as he remembered something and got into defensive stance again.

“If you came here and became forgotten because of the merging timelines, you should bear hatred for me, right?”

“Don’t worry. I no longer do.”

“What’s the meaning of that?”

“Here’s in the Land of the Dead & Forgotten, everything will be slowly devoured by the place itself. For living creatures like us, the place will cool all of our emotions & our desires first before eating us. Hatred, anger, greed, desire to find a way to leave this place, however strong at first those emotions and desires may be, they will slowly die down. The place will devour us after we become empty shells with nothing left.” Klein said with an emotionless tone of voice, which he had never changed since meeting Klein.

Klein looked at the other him and he began to realize the fact that Klein had never spoke with any emotion, his voice was always monotone.

“Don’t tell me-.”

“Yes. When I first came here, the hatred I bore for you was enormous. I cursed you and the brothers along with anyone related to the exchange program like every moment I thought of you. However, like after the first one hundred years or so, I lost all of that negative emotion. Gradually, even positive emotions left me. Now, even if someone gives me a gift, I can’t even say thank you with happiness, but only emotionless words.”

“Wait, 100 years?”

“Time flows very different here.”

“Ah, I shouldn’t have asked a question with such an obvious answer.” Klein began to relax and sat down on an old chair beside the bonfire.

Klein intended to say that was his chair but decided to drop it and went dig out another chair from bunch of things near them. After that, things became quite awkward between them.

“Erm, how long have you been in here, like according to how time flows here?” Klein asked.

“10,000 years, from the moment I got thrown in here until I found you in the river over-there and dragged you here.”

“That long?”

“Yeah, I should have been devoured long ago, but I managed to last until now, thanks to the little love I have left for them.” Klein placed his right hand over his heart. “Here, negative emotions and desires will die down sooner than positive ones. But the thing right here have kept me existed for very long, longer than it should have. But I think it will only give me some little more time. When it gets cooled down by this place, I’ll get devoured.”

“Oh, I-.”

“No, don’t say I’m sorry. That’s the last thing I want to hear right now.”

“O-ok.”

Then things started to become awkward again for five minutes.

“Erm, how did you know all of this? I know you have stayed here for a long time, but it’s hard not to wonder when you’re the only one here and you seem to know literally everything without anyone else around to show you.”

“I wasn’t alone. There were a few others. But now there’s only me…and you.”

“Oh.”

After that, the situation became awkward again.

“Do you want to see how the brothers are doing?” Klein suddenly asked.

“I can do that?”

“Yes.”

“Then please tell me how to do that.”

“It’s simple. Go to the river over-there, look at the water and think about them.”

Klein got up and went to the river and as he looked down, images of the brothers began to appear.

The first image appearing was the image of the six younger brothers kneeling beside his body. All resting their heads on either his chest or arms. Some chose to stay silent for the moment, others kept mumbling something audible only to the speaker while holding on to his body.

Tears began to roll down from Klein’s eyes as he watched how devastating the brothers were.

“Here.” Klein gave his counterpart some tissue.

“Th-thanks.”

Soon the image was replaced with another. This one was about Lucifer.

Lucifer stepped inside a coffin shop as a purple-haired girl was going out, making them nearly collided.

“I’m sorry.” Lucifer apologized.

“It’s alright. We haven’t collided anyway.” The purple-haired girl said. “You want to find the owner of the shop, right?”

“Yes.”

“Candy, stop making coffin for a second. There’s a customer.” The girl turned her head back before shouting.

“She’ll be out in a few minutes.” The girl said.

As Lucifer went inside, the girl looked at him secretly, thinking about something before leaving.

After the girl left, a woman stepped out from deep inside the shop to meet Lucifer.

“What kind of coffin do you want?” Candy took out some paper and asked.

“The best you could find.” Lucifer said like the words that just came out of his mouth were what he always believed with strong conviction.

“Did they follow any religion?” Candy asked after noting Lucifer’s words down.

The demon of Pride took a deep breath before saying:

“He was Catholic. Please place a crucifix on the coffin.”

While Klein was looking at his beloveds through the water, the other Klein went to the bonfire. He settled down beside it. His right hand again placed on his chest. He wasn’t sure why but his chest began to feel warmer seeing the relationship between Klein and the brothers. The sole feeling inside his chest, which had been keeping him alive, long had it been dimmed, but just now, it gained a little bit strength to fight against the effect of the Land of the Dead & Forgotten.

Author’s words

It may be a bit confusing to read because I have to write 2 Kleins 😵‍💫

Tag. @sparkbeast20

[sugarstickery]

An Allegory Within the Dark

This is an unofficial fan translation of chapter 3 of Jujutsu Kaisen’s first light novel, Departing Summer and Returning Autumn by Gege Akutami and Ballad Kitaguni.

Summary: Mahito stumbles across an unusual human in his search for a place to call ‘home’.

Featured characters: Primarily Mahito, with brief appearances from Hanami and Jogo, along with an unnamed novel-only character

Timeline: An undefined time prior to the events of the Vs. Mahito arc

An Allegory Within the Dark

If you want to hide a tree, you go to the middle of a forest.

So if you’re looking to hide a person, you should go to the middle of a city.

Following that logic, it makes sense for curses worthy of being the true humans to set up their hideout in the city center.

Cursed spirits would actually have it much easier if they spent their time in places crammed with fear where humans and the like can’t live: deep in the mountains or in densely wooded areas, for example.

But for a group of curses plotting to overturn the current era, a base in the heart of the city is crucial for invasion and seeking refuge. That being the case, it’s also better to try aiming for a location with a high concentration of negativity.

Anyway, that’s how some employees from a scam business ended up massacred.

“This really is the simplest way to handle it. All of them nest together up here away from the public eye, so clean-up is a cinch.”

Jogo laughed while trampling the burning remains of a corpse underfoot.

Roughly two minutes ago, there were about six humans in the office.

The curses considered a few ways to handle dispatching them but ultimately decided that burning was the fastest, so Jogo quickly turned them to ash.

“But humans used this building, didn’t they? Won’t it be a problem if there’s property management or something?” Mahito asked, poking at an ostentatious vase displayed on a shelf.

Apparently the concern was unnecessary. Jogo tried to answer with a grin, but a nonsensical language cut into their conversation.

“⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⎎⍜⋏⏁ ⟟⌇ ☊⎍⌇⏁⍜⋔”

“Oi, bastard—! Stop talking, Hanami! It makes my head itch!”

Though Hanami spoke in nothing but meaningless sounds, the intention behind it was somehow transmitted directly into the minds of others. This was usually unpleasant and it irritated Jogo.

When he noticed Mahito still looking his way, Jogo continued to explain despite his frustration.

“Hmph... What? There’s no need to worry. I asked Geto what his aim was, and it looks like these were the kind of underhanded humans who got involved in plenty of unethical things.”

“Hm. So basically, other humans won’t actually come close if they get that curse stuff happens here.”

“Exactly. Any respectable, straight-laced human would never come near this place under normal circumstances. It’s the perfect city-center hideout.”

“Is it really?”

“...What is it, Mahito? You don’t seem satisfied. What’s there to worry about? It would put us in a great position to start preparing our plans for the city, and it’s great for a quick escape if we need one.”

“Mm... No, you’re right, but...”

“But what? Spit it out.”

“It’s just... This room is really tacky.”

“Huh?”

With a pop, a small eruption burst forth from Jogo’s head. His narrowed eye looked like a painting of a gently sloping mountain.

“It’s tasteless, isn’t it? Stuff like that gaudy gold lion in the sparkly jar or this cheap-looking sideboard.”

“What are you even saying?! I have no idea what’s gotten into you lately, but you’ve been so annoying!”

“Movies.”

“Movies? Are those overly-embellished portrayals of humans really that interesting?”

“They’re references for my studies on the structure of a soul,” Mahito replied with an ambiguous smile.

If humans could see him, they might be reminded of a proud elementary schooler discussing the knowledge they gained from a book report.

“If I’m being honest, I don’t find the stories that interesting either, but I don’t hate the sense of visual aesthetics that humans have. That said, this room has too many useless colors and really hurts the eyes.”

“Such bratty, selfish complaints... We can just burn or toss anything that’s an eyesore.”

“No need, I’m going to look for a place to settle down on my own.”

“What? Ah, hey— Where are you going?”

Not waiting for Jogo’s response, Mahito waved over his shoulder and vanished like smoke or a gentle breeze, off to who-knows-where.

“Geez… Maybe it’s because he was born from human fear, but even knowing he’s a curse, he tends to be way too frivolous. Watching movies and all…”

While grumbling out his complaints, Jogo took a pipe from his shirt pocket to put in his mouth.

Unlike human cigarettes, this wooden pipe somehow imitated a screaming face when smoked.

“But that Mahito...”

Jogo spun around to survey the room with his one eye.

“...He says that, but it doesn’t seem tacky to me.”

“⊑⏃⋏⏃⋔⟟”

“I already said shut up!!”

--

You can only find a hideaway that suits you by looking for it on your own.

Mahito wandered through the city with this in mind. He alternated left and right turns on a whim any time he happened across a traffic light, walked alongside stray cats, or sometimes simply went in the direction of clouds that he liked the shape of.

While traveling along his chosen path like this, he keenly felt just how laughable humans were.

Though the city belongs to them, no one walking in and out of it was more free than Mahito.

Everyone seemed constrained. They were captured by ties of obligation and vanity, living in a wide, deep, big city with such narrow outlooks.

Unaffected by the enormous sky sprawling out endlessly overhead, they box themselves into their concrete city with their own hands and limited perception of souls, passing the time by whittling their lives down further and further.

Mahito even learned the words for some of these human concepts to study later.

For example, they call it “morals”. They call it “common sense”. They call it “emotion”.

But a human soul isn’t anything more than the resulting mechanical movement that comes from external stimuli.

And so they let go of freedom and live tightly controlled lives, fearing the judgmental stares of others, stooping to flattery for society’s approval.

“...What a waste.”

Everyone is bound by ostentatious shackles of their own making.

That’s why these curses know there has to be a change, as far as humans go. Those who cannot do anything but crawl in such an unsightly way under the magnificent sky must hand over the world.

Mahito thinks. He ponders over any topic his soul turns toward. He walks wherever the wind blows him.

Before long, the time had come for the sun to descend in the western sky. He could hear the burbling of a river.

--

“Not bad.”

The hideaway Mahito found was under a bridge, across the river.

It was a tunnel, vacant and huge like a temple.

Pipes ran along the inside, clear water flowing from them and into the river. It looked like wastewater was drained here after being purified, so there wasn’t much discomfort.

Apart from the humid air and the moss that emitted a peculiar grassy smell, it seemed wide enough to splash and jump around in, and the concrete’s cool texture provided a refreshing welcome.

There’s a season that curses are partial to.

Negative human emotions accumulate from the end of winter to spring, and it could be said that the rainy season served as the so-called peak of their ripening.

The inside of the damp tunnel held the same atmosphere. There was a gloominess there in the dim lighting that could easily nurture fear. It gently moistened Mahito’s skin; he felt cozy.

“Yeah, let’s stay here.”

When choosing a place to live, it’s best to trust your instincts.

Perhaps humans should do the same, but what they can’t readily do, Mahito can decide without hesitation. If he’s free when he wanders, then he’s free when he settles down, too.

Mahito stepped into the tunnel in good spirits, knocking solidly on the concrete floor.

The soul’s metabolism smooths out in comforting spaces. But…

“Huh?”

After walking a short distance, Mahito discovered “that”.

He initially thought it was some garbage or something that a human illegally dumped. But before long, it became clear that it was a sack-like silhouette leaning against a wall.

At first glance, it perhaps looked like a mere collection of rags.

But the shape of a soul was there.

—Ah, it’s alive.

Yes, just as Mahito had realized, it was a human.

The tattered clothing and wildly overgrown hair and beard hid his shape, but it was undoubtedly a human.

His exact age wasn’t clear from his outward appearance, but whether he was 60 or over 80, he looked elderly.

Mahito thought it was a bit of a pain.

There was already a visitor living in his precious hideaway.

Of course, taking care of this issue would be an easy matter for him. But he felt the same discomfort as a homeowner finding a stain on the wall of their new house.

‘Anyway, if I’m gonna deal with this, let’s get it done,’ Mahito thought, reaching out toward the old man with a little sigh.

Whereupon, unexpectedly, the old man spoke.

“...I’m sorry if you’re displeased.”

“Hm?”

“I don’t know what you came here to do, but... I’m sure your mood has soured after stumbling across the home of an old fool. But I have nowhere to go, either.”

Mahito was a little taken aback.

The old man was clearly aware of Mahito and turned toward him to speak. This wouldn’t be surprising at all if he was talking to a fellow human.

But Mahito is a curse.

The eyes of a mere human can’t clearly perceive cursed spirits.

It isn’t impossible, though. If humans are born with cursed energy, it isn’t unusual for them to be aware of the existence of curses.

What caught Mahito’s attention was this old man’s lack of ‘eyes’.

As in, he had no eyes in the physical sense. Instead, in the empty sockets that once held them, there was a burn scar that was painful just to look at.

Even sorcerers rely on their eyes to view the world.

They depend on their field of vision to spot cursed spirits. That’s why so many of them use sunglasses and the like to conceal their line of sight, as it helps them remain unaffected. It also helps them maintain a balanced mind when their daily life overflows with curses.

However, that was not the case for this old man.

“Can you see me?”

When Mahito asked, the old man answered with a gentle nod.

“At the very least, I can feel you.”

“But you can’t see the world?”

“Naturally. That includes the scenery, what you look like, what color your skin is, and even your gender. Even so... I know you’re there.”

“...Are you a sorcerer?”

“Most likely not.”

“You’re being pretty vague, even though you’re talking about yourself.”

“For a long time, that’s what I’ve been the most vague about.”

Mahito began to notice something strange.

He can feel the shape of a human’s soul.

He knows the movement of a soul’s metabolism, whether it takes on a harsh form, withers weakly, or flickers with liveliness.

However, this old man’s soul was hardly metabolizing.

It was like a meadow with no wind, or a still sea, or the blue sky on a cloudless day.

No, it would be most appropriate to compare it to a stone.

His soul was like a stone on the side of the road.

No fancy ornamentation, no polishing. Unmoving, unwavering.

Calmly passing the time while growing moss.

That was the shape this old man’s soul had.

No matter how calm or how old a person is, the human soul always flickers.

As the years stack up, common sense doesn’t disappear, selfishness isn’t eliminated, and fear isn’t conquered.

But this old man was different.

The old man’s soul was at peace. He had sincerely accepted that everything would decay with time, but that didn’t mean he would throw his life away. It was truly similar to the way in which nature existed.

It was Mahito’s first time meeting anyone like this.

--

For a while, the tunnel became something of a den for Mahito.

He had gotten a hammock from somewhere, which he hung up between the pipes. He lounged in it and read, passing the time in comfort.

In a movie about life on a deserted island, a human who was desperate to survive made a hammock. Through it, he was able to regain a little peace of mind.

Since it looked surprisingly comfortable, Mahito gave it a try and it worked out nicely.

The arguments and fights of the outside world didn’t reach the inside of the tunnel, where only the burble of the small stream could be heard.

It provided a good environment for soothing the soul.

While leisurely absorbing new knowledge from his books, Mahito would sometimes absentmindedly gaze up toward the ceiling, or glance down at the corner where the old man squatted, looking as he always did.

“How do you live like this? It’s pretty mysterious...”

In the end, Mahito didn’t kill the old man.

It’s important to note that the old man wasn’t much of a hindrance for him. If it would make no difference whether he was there or gone, then Mahito figured getting rid of him would be more of a hassle.

The old man was just there, even quieter and more carefree than a stray cat.

Mahito knew the phrase: ‘man is only a reed, but he is a thinking reed’.

He found it hilarious and also genuinely liked it. It simultaneously boasted about being trapped in thoughts of the soul, while also showing that humans were frail as weeds.

It could be said that the old man was an unthinking reed, then.

No – he was even quieter than that; more like grass or some type of moss. In any case, the old man said nothing and simply carried on living.

Every now and then, the old man would suddenly shuffle off elsewhere, but he would be back to sleep before Mahito knew it. He was surely getting food from somewhere, but he never seemed to gain weight. If he lost any while in the tunnel, he would eat just enough to gain it back when he left, and no more.

It was a style of living so close to nature that it seemed more like a phenomenon than a life.

“That’s why I seriously wonder if you can see me.”

The suspicion was uttered suddenly.

Mahito wasn’t exactly speaking to the old man. Rather, his tone was that of someone talking to themselves.

But when he noticed that the old man’s soul didn’t waver even after hearing him speak, Mahito finally addressed him directly.

“How long have you been here?”

“Let’s see… I think a few winters have passed, but I’m not sure,” the old man muttered, his reply quiet.

Since they were two beings with souls who were aware of each other’s existence, Mahito felt it would be more natural to chat every now and then.

“Don’t you get bored?”

When spoken to in a soft tone, the old man also responded softly.

“I’ve forgotten how to be bored.”

“How do you usually pass the time here?”

“I don’t do anything, really. I just listen to the sounds.”

“The sounds?”

“The sounds of the water flowing.”

“...Is it fun?”

“It’s not. But I forgot how to have fun a long time ago, too, so it’s not an issue.”

So it was like that. Mahito nodded.

If this old man could no longer even feel the pain of boredom, perhaps his soul was worn down.

Humans of the city gasp and struggle through the hurt of not having enough, yet always wish for more even when they get what they wanted. Their souls grew fat and tattered through the rich accumulation of these negative feelings.

So in that regard, from Mahito’s point of view, the old man had a thin soul – but it could be said that was clever of him.

A fat and full human soul leads to a fear of losing the gratifying present moment, which in turn gives birth to curses.

“It’s hard to get your attention. What’s your name?”

When Mahito asked, the old man looked into the air for just a second.

“I left that behind. You can call me whatever you like.”

“There are humans without names? Even curses have them.”

“If you don’t meet other people, you don’t need a name.”

“Isn’t it a problem if you don’t have one?”

“When is it a problem?”

“When it’s time to be buried.”

“I don’t need a gravestone with a name. I can just be stuffed into a common grave, or maybe I’ll rot undiscovered and return to the earth that way.”

“Can’t you take a joke?”

“…Was that a joke?”

The old man didn’t laugh. Neither did Mahito.

But Mahito had the feeling that this old man was childish, contrary to his appearance. His lack of attachments created an unsullied disposition that might make him younger than he looked.

His interest in the old man simmered and surged.

It was his first time seeing this type of human, his first time feeling a soul with this form. For Mahito, this was a rare specimen.

What kind of path must life take to make this kind of human? What would be the most intriguing shape to make with a soul like that? What uses could one plan for such a person?

And what kind of curse would be born from them?

With these questions fueling his curiosity, Mahito started to chat with the old man.

“Why are you here?”

“…Why?”

The old man looked up toward the ceiling through his unruly bangs.

His eye sockets were empty, but it seems like even without sight, humans tended to stare into nothing when they were thinking. One curiosity of Mahito’s was satisfied.

“You weren’t born and raised in this tunnel, right? As a human, you must have been in that noisy city.”

“Ah, that. I lived a fairly busy life a long time ago. I inherited the house, worked, made money and supported my family.”

“So you were a human in a pretty good position.”

“In human society, yes. Looking back on it now, it was all meaningless.”

“So... what, you basically started living in a hole like a mouse, then?”

“I did that because I lost everything that I needed up to then. I lost my social status, my money, and a place where I belonged.”

“You lost it all?”

“I was tricked. That’s when my eyes were burned, so I lost my sight then, too.”

Mahito incidentally recalled the company Jogo attacked.

“You got tricked, huh? You seem pretty good-natured about it.”

“That’s because I didn’t care much about being tricked.”

“You’re a weird old man. Is this some kind of hobby where you get your kicks when people deceive you or something?”

“I’m just saying, that’s the kind of person I was back then. The ones who tricked me were my old friend and my wife. My eyes were burned in that so-called “accident”¹; they claimed I wasn’t of sound mind and body after that, and under the guise of caring for me, they stole everything I worked for before I knew it.”

“That’s a pretty flashy way to trick someone, isn’t it? You’re talking like it’s someone else’s problem.”

“Those two loved each other, and I was loved by no one. Knowing that was more monumental to me than being tricked.”

It was hard for Mahito to interpret what the old man said.

Love. Is it really such an important word?

It’s said that curses born from love exist in the world. It seems there are tremendously powerful ones among them, too. But Mahito doesn’t understand how the mechanism by which people love each other is any different from a cat’s attachment to a blanket.

Still, Mahito knows for a fact that people are obsessed with it.

“Didn’t you curse them? The ones who tricked you.”

“Not really.”

“’Not really’, huh. You know, normally a human in that situation would get angry and hold grudges, and it would make the shape of their soul deteriorate.”

“It’s true, though. I don’t think I had the energy to even consider seeking revenge or hurting them.”

“...I get it.”

Mahito nodded, filling in the blanks.

Regardless of whether or not he can guess the trends in human emotion, Mahito has studied many movies, novels and poetry so far.

Then there were the humans he tinkered with. Mahito could put together the pieces he gleaned from those things and use them to break down the old man’s story.

“So basically, you were in despair. So much despair that it was like your soul was about to die. That’s how you broke through the creation of grudges and curses and ended up like this.”

The old man slowly shook his head.

“I may have been disappointed, but I don’t believe I felt the intense despair you’re thinking of.”

“Are ‘disappointment’ and ‘despair’ different?”

“They are; this is just my personal experience.”

The old man raised his face, following the memories.

“There was no burning resentment or turbulent sorrow. It’s just... I was tired, I guess. Between work, assets, reputation, my life situation and duties, dealing with others, caring about the family name... I think I was probably just tired and worn out because of it all.”

“And that’s why you didn’t get mad even after being tricked?”

“I was at peace. They say the soul gets lighter after going through disappointments.”

The old man’s voice was calm.

It had a cool quality to it, like muddy water that had been filtered clean.

“I couldn’t see, I had no money, I had no love... But as I was walking through the city with nothing to my name, it all suddenly became inconsequential. And then, as I looked around, I saw the city in a new light.”

“Even though you can’t see?”

“Yes. When you can’t see anything, it’s just sound and wind that goes on forever anywhere you are. I couldn’t even see the walls blocking the city in. It was just endless darkness spreading out forever, like a starless night. For the first time, I understood how wide the world was. And I thought to myself... ah, I’m free, aren’t I?”

Mahito blinked rapidly.

This old man’s thinking didn’t fit any other case he had gathered so far.

Even hearing about his past, he couldn’t understand the old man’s thoughts.

But even from Mahito’s point of view, the old man was certainly free.

Without so much as leaving the middle of this tunnel, he knew that the sky was vast.

Perhaps he knew it better than any member of high society walking around freely in the city. He knew the wide spread of the sky, the soft caress of the wind, the gentle sounds of the water.

This old man, who looked like a simple rakugoka², had no property or social standing. He even lost his connection to other humans... And maybe that’s precisely why he could uncover the elusive meaning of the word ‘freedom’.

He was just existing, just being alive, without attachments, grudges or curses.

“So basically ‘not all those who wander are lost’?”

“Yes, though quoting Tolkien’s works might be a little tedious.”

Mahito smiled when the man immediately caught the reference to a book he just happened to read.

“Were you a bookworm?”

“All I did was cram a lot of information in.”

“It’s good to be well-read.”

If curses are born from the fear that humans feel, could this old man even be considered human?

As Mahito is, he struggles with the expression of human emotions.

But he was calm.

For the first time since coming into contact with humans, he had a feeling of peace.

“I think if everyone in the world was like you, I wouldn’t have been born.”

Mahito looked back at his book.

The old man, staring into nothing as always, fell silent again.

Curses are born from humans, but they also kill humans. There is no way for the two to coexist.

But in this tunnel, a curse and a human were doing exactly that.

Though distorted, this peaceful period of time flowed by gently.

--

It’s only natural for humans to hate and fear other humans.

Since they can’t see souls, they can only make guesses about the feelings of others, and they’re swayed by their own emotions.

They don’t understand that these things are just a reflection of the soul’s metabolism. They don’t even know where their soul is.

Mahito investigated the matter.

This blind man lost his sight and his connection to others, so his soul received less stimulation.

And so, no longer influenced by unnecessary things in the physical world, he spent a lot of time facing his inner world and reflecting.

“It’s kind of like a monk’s training. Through strong introversion, a person looks at their soul more often.”

Mahito walked around the city, skimming through a beaten-up copy of the Heart Sutra.

It was a sutra handbook that focused on controlling the soul. It looked like humans of the past did their own research into freeing the soul from the material world.

The old man’s life ended up in a similar state without him setting out to do it on purpose.

That was likely how he learned to feel other souls through the darkness he lived in. Mahito concluded this was the reason he was aware of curses.

“I think he was already predisposed, but... seems like it’s easier for introverted humans to show promise.”

If he gave the old man’s situation even deeper consideration, he could probably make a lot of guesses about a sorcerer’s training. There’s even a way to encourage the first manifestation of cursed energy.

In that case, it should also be possible to take a talented person and ‘make’ them into a sorcerer or curse-user.

Unleashing a curse-user made by a curse onto a sorcerer...

That might be a fun experiment. It’s easier to shake up a human’s soul by having them fight other humans, rather than just exorcising curses. Sukuna’s vessel should be no exception.

Although...

—Maybe it’s fine to do that a little later?

Yes, Mahito thought it over at his leisure.

He is free. When it’s time to move, he moves. When it’s time to rest, he rests.

And he was not in the mood to launch that plan into action.

Rather, for the time being, he just wanted to gather knowledge and indulge in thought. He also got some new books and wanted to read fantasy novels while basking in the quiet comfort of the tunnel.

Mahito’s gait became lighter. While walking alongside the throng of people, he even began to hum.

Suddenly, a loud voice rang out from between two buildings.

“—so damn annoying, yeah?”

Looking over that way, he saw two young humans: a man with long, thin hair, and a muscular skinhead. They were undoubtedly people who looked like trouble.

The long-haired man listened as the skinhead rambled on with his complaints, seemingly in some kind of sullen mood.

“Damn, it’s seriously freezing. Anyway, every last one of ‘em just puts on shitty airs, but it’s all just talk. Nothin’ but excuses. Ah, I wanna kill ‘em all...”

“You say that, but come on. You talk big about wanting to beat these guys to death when you’re pissed, but could you actually kill someone?”

“Sure. Ain’t like killing’s hard.”

“Seriously?”

Mahito squinted and listened, the conversation going in one ear and out the other.

It’s not that he disliked the way they acted or how they spoke bluntly about their heart’s desires. But Mahito knew people like this were all talk.

“Yeah– seriously, anyone’s fine, I just wanna kill someone.”

Then maybe you should do it without saying anything.

Better yet, he thought about practicing some killing methods on them. But Mahito felt the light weight of the book in his hand as he reached out, and he stopped.

Rather than sparing any consideration for this, he just wanted to go back to the comfort of the tunnel and read.

“I’ll kill ‘em.”

The skinhead’s grumbling voice sounded like a spell.

But the words would find no power or heart to shelter in. Shut away between these buildings, the most a person can do is talk to themselves. It’s best for humans like this to stick to the narrow back alleys, foolishly thinking they’re enjoying a wide world.

Mahito averted his gaze and made his way back home.

--

“Why did Gregor become a bug?”

Mahito suddenly asked the old man, not taking his eyes off the novel.

It was a famous book by Franz Kafka.

A story in which a human unexpectedly turns into a poisonous insect.

“The most popular theory is that the bug is a metaphor.”

“Metaphor?”

“It means he was a person who was hated and oppressed within society, treated the same way a human would treat a bug. Kind of like an old man who was suddenly blinded and tricked one day.”

“Is that a joke?”

“Not exactly.”

It was detached and dispassionate, but an answer would come back any time Mahito said something. When conversing with the old man, it felt like talking to a dictionary. He had a lot of information.

He knew about things like the inner workings of the mind and human culture, and he was smart enough to explain it simply in discussions.

For Mahito, who analyzed human souls through books and movies, this old man’s knowledge and conversation helped in its own way.

When do humans get angry? Why do they grieve?

How do they trust and in what ways are they betrayed?

Mahito lived with a different sense of ethics when compared to humans, so there were many things he struggled to interpret. The old man explained them and helped him understand.

He had a strong interest in the experiences of the old man, who had once lived among humans but didn’t act like them.

“After becoming a bug, Gregor eventually hid away like he was told to, but he still ended up being spotted and it led to his death. Jii-san³, why do you think that is?”

“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.”

“That’s a quote from Virginia Woolf, right?”

When Mahito immediately and correctly guessed the source, the old man raised a brow slightly.

“You’re a pretty avid reader, too. Conversations with you are really stress-free.”

“Do you have to go back to living with other humans, then?”

“If you don’t have any attachment to the human world, there’s no need to run from it or stand against it⁴.”

“I see,” Mahito murmured to let the other know he was listening, eyes still on the book.

Even if he wasn’t looking at it, the old man’s perpetually calm soul was aglow in the dark like always.

Mahito read his book in the dim room lit by the brilliance of that soul instead of a candle.

Time quietly flowed through the darkness.

Outside of the tunnel, signs indicating the end of summer crept up.

--

The end came abruptly.

One day, when Mahito was heading back to the tunnel with an abandoned poetry anthology that he picked up on an aimless walk through the city, he felt a noisiness that shouldn’t have been there.

There were one, two, three swaying souls.

One had a very familiar shape, but it was terribly frail. It was like the dying flame of a candle weakened by the wind.

With the same unchanging gait as always, Mahito stepped into the tunnel.

As expected, the old man was there.

But the unusual thing was the crumpled, strange position that he was in.

He was also sandwiched between two younger men who were looking down at him.

“Oooi, isn’t this bad? Did this guy seriously die?”

A man with long, thin hair spoke in a tone that was not particularly anxious.

“Didn’t I say it? I said I could kill,” a muscular skinhead replied, his voice casual.

“But ain’t this just impulsive?”

“Yeah, well, the old man had some real cheek, looking down on us when he’s this weak. So why not just kick him?”

The skinhead likely played sports, given that his legs were as thick around as logs. Kicking an old man to death would be easier than crushing a can.

The two didn’t seem to have a single scrap of interest in the old man, his life or his soul.

There was no reason, no grudge, no clear murderous intent.

It seemed like they simply arrived at the tunnel somehow. They took the opportunity to do as much violence as they wanted. They beat him on a whim.

It could be said that this way of being is freedom for humans.

Mahito crouched down, peeking at the old man’s face.

The beaten visage of the man with burned eyes came into view. But even at a time like this, his expression was as calm as always.

“Are you going to die?”

Mahito searched for even a mumbled word or two in response.

“...Seems so...”

The old man answered in a hoarse voice. He likely barely had the power left to speak now. It appeared as though the two men didn’t hear him over their loud conversation.

He intently inspected the old man’s soul.

The peaceful soul was not flickering, nor did it hold anger or grief; it was simply coming to an unhurried end.

Mahito was impressed.

This old man had found the true meaning of freedom. He really was released from every tie of obligation in this world. Even on the verge of death, that didn’t change.

Being able to make sure of that with his own two eyes, Mahito felt considerably relieved. In the same way he would watch a flower wither and fall, he observed the old man’s death.

Nevertheless...

“Jii-san?”

He had a feeling.

It’s like seeing a plot twist you don’t want to see if you keep turning the pages of a book.

Or like knowing the contents of a present before you open it.

That kind of buzz spread through Mahito’s chest.

While he puzzled over the instinctive alarm bells screaming at him to stop watching, everything was heading toward its end.

“...I thought I would die alone.”

The old man’s soul dimly flickered.

A smile was on his swollen face.

“...To have someone... here to witness this old fool’s last moments...”

The flicker might have been insignificant, like a single drop breaking the water’s surface. Even so, for an instant near death, at the end of it all...

The old man’s soul ‘metabolized’.

“...Tha...nk... y...”

The old man died smiling.

“. . .”

Mahito’s eyes opened wide, and for a moment, he was frozen.

He thought the old man was different when compared to other humans. To Mahito, he seemed unfettered.

Mahito thought the unique philosophical views stemming from such an extraordinary state of mind had freed him from all the shackles of this world.

But despite all of that, the old man was still captured right in his last moments.

On the brink of death, he clung to someone else so he could avoid a lonely end.

The old man was only human.

For a human, it was likely satisfying enough. Perhaps it was even the proper way for one to die.

“. . .”

Mahito said nothing.

But what felt like a dry wind blew through his chest, leaving him cold.

He didn’t know the name humans gave that emotion. But his consciousness was like yarn tangling in on itself, wriggling around like a worm—

And suddenly, it all cut off at once.

The only thing left behind was the sensation of standing in a dry and barren wasteland.

“—So basically,” the skinhead’s voice echoed. “Police probably won’t do a proper investigation. Not for this old nobody.”

“Hey, hey, hey; that’s still a person,” the long haired man answered lightly.

“Yeah, well, that guy started it.”

“He shoulda looked at who he was talking to before he picked a fight.”

“Anyway, my pants are dirty from all that kicking... That’s a problem.”

“So fussy. That’s what you’re worried about when you just killed a guy? How funny.”

“That ain’t a person. Anyway, don’t you know I like being clean? Ahh, the blood won’t come off... Water doesn’t do any good, right?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t – but more importantly, if you’ve settled down, I’m hungry. Let’s stop by a convenience store.”

“I dunno. If you’re gonna look, buy a bento and let’s get outta here.”

Mahito quickly stood up in the same way one would when they finished looking for something in a store.

A sense of fatigue was deeply ingrained in his body.

Their incoherent voices persisted, reverberating through the tunnel, smeared with excuses and attempts to escape reality. He couldn’t hear the soft burble of the stream.

With deep-seated listlessness, Mahito approached the skinhead as one would move to pick up fallen trash.

Idle Transfiguration. The technique spreads quickly.

And thus, the moment he tapped the man’s back, its shape was no longer human.

“Ee—!!”

If he just killed them, it would create a nuisance in the form of a corpse, so he simply folded it up into something palm-sized and kept it alive.

Then, with a careless sweep⁵ of his hand, he folded up the other man as well.

“Begh—”

It fell silent.

Mahito gathered up the two, now no bigger than chess pieces, and turned his attention down toward the remaining corpse of the old man.

It was now just a bag of meat full of bones. Not even the soul remained, so he couldn’t use Idle Transfiguration to fiddle with it.

He was briefly troubled by its disposal, which served as the biggest inconvenience.

In the tunnel, there nothing but the sound of running water.

--

--

It was a day where the sky seemed farther away than usual.

Clouds peeked out from around the buildings and a good feeling was carried in on the wind.

Mahito aimlessly walked about the city.

“Maybe I’ll catch a movie. It’s been ages.”

He picked a tiny, somewhat old-looking theater and snuck in.

He’s had high motivation lately, and it seemed like some unnecessary things had peeled away from his soul, leaving him more carefree than ever.

Thanks to that, he had also begun to toy with humans more often.

If he can fold a person up and make them small, he wanted to test out inflating one instead, but he slept on the idea overnight. It was pretty fun, but he knew that he was getting too absorbed. He also felt that carrying on with too much persistence wasn’t a good thing.

A change of pace every now and then was fine, too.

He hadn’t closely checked to see what was being screened. It was mostly just plain and obscure movies, but if one went in with no expectations, they might come across a surprisingly interesting tale.

Curiously, he had that kind of a feeling.

While walking through the hall of the theater, he casually felt through his pocket, which had grown bulky with the ‘small humans’ that he had touched.

—Speaking of which, he thought that was a nuisance.

He carelessly tossed some of them away.

Opening the door, he stepped into the theater.

Perhaps because it was a weekday, there weren’t many customers. The silhouettes of what appeared to be students filled out a few seats here and there.

From where Mahito stood in the corner, he had a good view of the screen.

Soon, instead of a curtain raising, the theater was engulfed in darkness.

--

T/N: [1] In this sentence, the implication is that the “accident” was very much orchestrated by the old man’s friend and wife, who burned his eyes somehow and then merely made it look like an accident [2] The rakugoka is the storyteller in rakugo, a form of (often) comedic theater that relies solely on spoken word from the rakugoka, who only uses a fan and hand towel as props [3] A way of referring to old men in general, basically like “gramps/grandpa”; Mahito never calls him by an actual name [4] Essentially, the old man’s saying that he (or anyone) can exist parallel to human society without interacting if they have no attachments to it and can still find peace, contrary to the Woolf quote [5] Kanji reads sweep, furigana reads cleanse (the same word for exorcism that sorcerers use)

Thanks as well to Pixi for help with editing and tl checks!  If an officially translated version of the novel becomes available in your country, please consider purchasing it, or consider buying a copy of the original novel in Japanese if possible!

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Day 5, Part 2

[This is the seventh part of a collected liveblog/analysis of Nona the Ninth! See here for the other parts. ]

This is it! The final stretch, and much like the previous two books, this is the point where everything suddenly starts happening all at once. That’s why this Day was broken up into two parts - there was so much to comment on!

Chapter 25

-p369 H-uh. So Gideon was aware and with John, at least enough to know that she was turned into a revenant. That should fuel some fun character study fanfics!

-p371 Hmhm. So the River went weird after John almost died? Or possibly Augustine’s stunt? If they can travel through it even when not near an RB, then the changes must be pretty major.

-p371 I’m a little surprised how much Gideon and Nona immediately dislike each other! Even without Gideon knowing who Nona is!

-p372 I’m even more surprised by how little Gideon seems to be traumatized by the idea of going back to the Ninth. There’s some very good and convincing fic in that vein.

She could also be (in fact, it’s very likely she is) hiding said trauma behind that careless attitude. 

She’s definitely hiding something. “Boy how I miss the old place.” is even less believable than Frontline Titties of the Fifth being a real publication.

And thank you Nona for the confirmation.

-p373 Oh dear. So that’s why John is fine letting his weakness out to play. Wonder what Gideon thought about being turned into… that. I strongly suspect she’s joking to cover up her bitterness.

”Speed holes�� Yeah, this is clearly defensive deflection. Gideon has always prized her living body as her best quality, so she must be really uncomfortable in her current situation.

Though I wonder what’s the part that’s most eating her. The fact that with her obvious wounds and being a possessed corpse, she’s no longer able to enjoy human pleasures? The fact that all of her body’s strongest abilities now come from John, so anything she accomplishes is  no longer her own achievements? The fact that between John’s modifications and Ianthe’s necromancy, she can’t even rely on her own body to be under her control? Any and all of those could be a terribly deep mine for trauma and angst…

-p374 Good thing we have Nona to read inner emotions! It’s surprisingly dissonant to read Gideon’s irreverent bluster from the outside, but this is still extremely her.

Well, I say surprising, but I’ve long speculated - actually even played with the idea in a “what if GtN got a terrible movie adaptation?” essay - that Gideon’s attitude and humor would come across very differently and negatively when seen from an unsympathetic outside perspective.

I really wonder how much of what Gideon says of how wonderful her life is as Kiriona is true… if any at all.

-Also - so Gideon was faking this whole time and Nona didn’t have her soul?  Wow. Genuinely caught-off guard by that! Now I’m even more confused about the mystery voice when Nona was having her tantrum!

Chapter 26

-p376 - We Suffer has a flip-top computer aka laptop. Hadn’t noticed that before! Though, per John, there is no internet in the Empire. Does BOE have it to any degree?

-p377 Ahh, the Convoy. Is carrying the whole Sixth House? Or just the oversight board?

Even with the numbers earlier, I still have no sense of scale for the Sixth. Presumably they’re larger than the “500 people is the difference between life and death” Ninth, and presumably they’re smaller than the Seventh or Eighth which number in the millions. But are we talking the size of a small town or a medium city?

-p383 So we are getting closure with Hot Sauce!

p385 And that was that. Yet another way these kids read as fairly realistic kids - their worldview is just a little more straightforward and simple (though by no means unobservant or unintelligent) compared to that of the adults. 

Chapter 27

-p388 Oh hey, Gideon has a… cousin? I believe that relation would make Pash would be a cousin. And I remember thinking on Pash’s introduction that she was rather similar in demeanor and temperament to Gideon. Guess hotblooded longing for a fight runs in the family!

I wonder what Gideon will think of Pash? I mean, of course they’ll hate each other and want to fight, but that’s often just how Gideon says hi lol.

-p391 I mean, it was guaranteed that Number Seven would make an appearance, especially after Nona called for help. But like. Poor Judith. She really didn’t deserve this much agony. She’s not even a character in this book, more like a plot item.

[Later me: The more I think about Judith, the more I feel like NtN kind of did her dirty? I’m honestly not that interested in Judith as a character, but by the end of the book, the sheer unrelenting misery and lack of agency for her just got a bit uncomfortable to read.]

John 1:20

-p395 Come to think of it - so necros CAN puppet a corpse and see/hear through it. Ianthe is doing similar in the present day. So in Pyrrha’s trial, was there something preventing Harrow from doing the same in the Response room unless she had Gideon?

-p396 Wow, really going full Don’t Look Up. The trillionaires truly think they can survive when all they have is one ship and its passengers? Even with useful, trained passengers, that’s hardly enough to maintain any kind of civilization.

But then, these aren’t just billionaires, but trillionaires. That means they’re probably yet another order of magnitude out of touch with reality.

Also, like… why not just let them go? They leave, everyone realizes they were betrayed, John is positioned as the next best option, John gets what he wants.

Unless the FTL leaving also blew up the sun somehow?

-p401 Seriously, why bother killing the trillionaires? Just let them get out of your hair! Why start a nuclear war that will kill untold millions, over a single ship full of jerks?

-p405 Dang, if the nun is Cristabel like I suspect, then she’s always been a martyr for John. History rhyming yet again.

-p406 At the end of HtN, John talked a bit about how the Augustine before the Resurrection would disagree with what he is doing now, but it seems like he was being rather disingenuous! Even his closest supporters were terrified and turning on him in the end here, and Mercy specifically did not want those nukes used. No one was on board with what he ultimately did.

-p407 So. Yeah. John destroyed the world because he got mad at a bunch of trillionaires and also things went sour when nukes got brought into the picture.

200 children died for Harrow to live, and she believes she wasn’t enough. Billions of souls died for John’s revenge - and he believes those billions weren’t enough. Hello, contrast.

I’m sure there’s also all kinds of religious resonances here that are going over my head, especially given that Jesus’s thing was forgiveness, while John is all about vengeance...

-p408 Eating a god is very Greek myth, while making a woman out of ribs is very biblical. As usual, TLT blends the two mythologies together.

-p409 Oh, so he just ate the sun and the rest of the solar system. As you do. >I’m surprised at how… non-academic this is. Very soft magic rules, while the series has been very magic-as-tech in the present day. Reminds me of that one comment John made to Harrow in HtN, lamenting how things were different in the early days before necromancy became so clinical. (Or that was the gist of it, anyway.)

-p410 AH. So it was the earth her?self that picked John and gave him the necromancy powers. So the main point of divergence between here and “reality” is that the planet has a soul and it can just… do that.

Is the way that God (the Earth) loves John no matter how badly he screws things up a Catholicism thing?

The way the story still positions John as The Worst, but necromancy itself as apparently a divine blessing... it’s an interesting angle. Not one I was expecting the series to take.

-Also like. Hang on. We’d all been theorizing that the mass deaths was the cause of the Resurrection, that planets were killed to bring them back… but in the end, the other planets were murdered for no particular reason. John killed them just to get to the trillionaires. No wonder they’re pissed off revenants.

If TLT was an anime fandom, it would be guaranteed that a sizable contingent of John Did Nothing Wrong-ers would be hanging around on reddit eating up all his justifications and getting into online arguments. Will that happen in this kind of fandom on tumblr too? I’m already not looking forward to The John Discourse... 

-Oh also also. A single ship (well, more like a small fleet, but there’s one ship that’s called out) escaping God’s wrath? Are the trillionaires also meant to evoke the symbolism of Noah’s Ark? I guess the survivors would probably think of themselves as such, especially if they populated the rest of the galaxy.

Chapter 28

-p413 Hm, I keep thinking the other voice in Nona’s head is Harrow, but now it looks to be the rest of Alecto.

-Real Alecto is a lot nastier and angrier than I was expecting! Even more so than in John’s flashbacks, where Harrow-Alecto is extremely passive.

Of course, she is Alecto. A Fury. Doesn’t her namesake drive people mad? Or was she the one who goes after murderers? (Wait no the murderers one was definitely Tisiphone. Hard to forget that after playing Hades, haha!)

-p415 Oh! So the blindness actually helping shield a necro from RB madness was a real thing!  Does it just not work on Lyctors because of their extra senses?

-p417 Oh hey, Juno Zeta gets an appearance on-page! In other news, wow, you really need to have read the short stories to get the full emotional impact of all of this.

-p421 Oh? Ohhhh? Are we going Perfect Lyctors, or just Cam’s sacrifice?

Perhaps “Perfect Lyctors” as creating a true soul gestalt? That has been hinted at repeatedly, even if I’ve dismissed the idea before…

After all, John and Alecto’s... whatever they did... doesn’t imply that Perfect Lyctorhood exists. Their situation had more to do with a human being unable to consume the soul of a planet and having enough leftover when trying to still create a person. So it might be that there is no such thing as Lyctorhood that preserves both component souls.

Yup, soul gestalt it is! Including some fancy pyrotechnics - but then again, we’ve never seen the Imperfect Lyctorhood process happen on-page either. Even Harrow’s transformation happens between the lines.

-p424 And of course, Ianthe rejects CamPal’s version of Lyctorhood. She would very much not be interested in dying and fusing with Naberius! Curious why she would “despair” at all, though. Would she have done this new version with Corona instead?

Chapter 29

-p427 I’ve still got no idea what Angel / the Messenger’s deal is! Or what the message they’re carrying is.

Could it be related to Cassiopeia in some way? We know she left one message, perhaps she aided in the preservation of another?

Maybe the other part of the message lies with someone actually in the Nine Houses…

-p429 Paul? Really? Of all the possible new names, they chose Paul? …Nobody was going to predict that one!

p430 But what could easily be predicted is Gideon finding a new and terrible nickname for them! Of course. XD

John 5:4

-p432 Oh, so Harrow (or some fragment of her) IS watching the John dream segment! Alecto would not have asked about the Ninth House.

-p433 Wow. And to be even more selfish, John wiped everyone’s memories too. On purpose. Definitely puts a harsher light on that “Nobody has to know” scene between him and Harrow in HtN.

[Later me, Horizon: Zero Dawn spoilers: I’ve been repeatedly comparing these backstory sections to Don’t Look Up, but this detail strongly calls to mind HZD’s Ted Faro instead! John and Ted not only destroy the modern world, they intentionally sabotage the next generation by erasing all of history. And then they both justify this monstrous theft by insisting humanity is better off starting from a blank slate so they won’t repeat the mistakes of the past. But for all those justifications, the real reason for their actions is clearly petty self-centeredness: they know they screwed everything up, and they want to erase records of their own crimes.

...There’s also something deliciously ironic in the fact that Ted Faro is the perfect model of the selfish trillionaires that John was trying to kill. In a roundabout way, it looks like John has become the exact kind of person he hates!]

-p434 Huh, so not only has Harrow been watching these John dreams, Alecto was showing her things too? Harrow now goes from one of the least worldly characters in the setting to one of the most. While… not talking about any of it.

-p434 Ah, I see why Nona’s plot is about her accepting her own death. Earth was afraid to die, and now it’s time.

-p435 Of course Harrow wants to know the theories and the math and the discrepancies.

-p435 So her quest will be about “finding God.” Well, at the end of the day, she is a very religious person.

[Later me: Since Harrow already seems to have met Alecto by the time the John dreams take place, do ALL the dreams take place during the *** before this last part of the epilogue? Or alternatively, since Gideon’s “Told you so.” later suggests she’s seen the Tower in the River that appears now for Harrow - did all of these chapters take place before the book even began? In either case it would mean the chapters being arranged around when Nona sleeps is just a misdirection.]

Chapter 30

-p438 Hm, eyes that have no pupil, just Cam’s grey-brown surrounded by Pal’s clear gray. Probably quite creepy to see in person. Like Dunefolk Lalafell eyes, but multicolored.

-p442 We’ve established that animals that aren’t humans don’t have souls… so good on Nona for thinking of Noodle. :3

Chapter 31

-p446 Ah yes, I’d almost forgotten - we still need to see what happened to the Ninth House! Did John renew it as he promised? I seriously doubt it, given how empty it seems. Did he kill everyone there instead, perhaps?

-p447 Damn, Gideon just straight up walks in and starts murdering everyone in her childhood home. Not even a word about it.

Like, as much as she hated Crux, she’d always had a sword and yet never did this… Gideon has changed way more than I thought.

Wait, no, Gideon didn’t kill Crux, the monsters got him. That makes a lot more sense.

-p448 Oohhh shoot. Did the Tomb opening unleash more of the the eldritch horrors that possessed Colum? Would it always do that…? Is that why Harrow’s parents killed themselves?

[Later me: Wrong here again too… but seriously, how and why did the devil-zombies arrive on the Ninth?

Is this supposed to be because there is something even more wrong with the River? Is this happening everywhere throughout the Nine Houses? The whole galaxy? But John told Gideon it was only on Antioch before this, and I don’t see why he would lie rather than protecting the Houses...]

-p451 Ah, so Gideon was off having devil-fighting adventures. Cool. Also looking forward to that inevitable fanfic!

Finally proving herself in combat, and no Harrow to gloat about it to from afar. No wonder she’s the saddest girl in the universe.

-I also find it interesting that Gideon ultimately did become a soldier - but the most she faced were devil-zombies rather than people.

This seems a bit of a parallel with Harrow, who has killed planets - but all of those were basically mercy kills before they were absorbed into the RBs, and they never spoke or acted intelligent.

So aside from killing Cyth in self-defense, neither of them have had to truly face killing an enemy combatant as a soldier would. Hot Sauce is probably more hardened than either of them.

(This also tracks with Gideon’s responses to Pyrrha’s commands - she still doesn’t have a soldier’s training either.)

-p452  Given that they just need to bite or hit you to spread, they devils are more like zombies, aren’t they? BOE needs to get their terms straight.

You know, the last few chapters of a 500 page book are a very weird time to suddenly introduce the incurable zombie plague happening entirely offscreen lmao

-p452 Oh hey more Ninth worldbuilding from an outside perspective! And more Ninth names. Also confirmation that Harrow’s aunts are both necromancers as well, I think.

-p455 Hello, the Ninth has kids now! So John really did keep his promise. Even if he didn’t like, actually give the Ninth any useful resources to care for and SUSTAIN that new population…

-p456 Aw, Aiglamene getting angry that Harrow allowed Gideon to die! She really did care about Gideon…

-p458 Huh. So the Ninth has been actively turning away the Empire’s spies? And possibly even killing them! Why? Who started this practice? The last spy was thirty years ago and it seems the practice was started long before this, so it couldn’t have been Harrow’s parents trying to cover up their massacre. 

-p459 Oh wow. Based on Crux’s reaction, seems like Harrow has completely dissociated from her body before this too. Enough that she’s said she wasn’t herself. Possession by the other children? By Alecto/Nona? Or just normal mental illness?

Also confirming (as if there was much doubt) that Harrow’s memories of her “infirmity” after opening the Tomb aren’t just due to her lobotomy-induced history rewrite.

-p460 Oof, Harrow’s body continues to take a beating. Honestly kind of doubting she’ll make it back alive - Gideon is back as a revenant herself, but would Harrow even bother to come if someone called her spirit?  She’s a little busy right now with finding God, apparently.

-p462 An interesting choice, to even create Nona as a character in the first place. She’s apparently not Alecto, and Alecto always had her full memories back with John.

My main question for when this is all over will be: what was the point of Nona’s existence? (As cruel as that is to ask?)  Why not cut her out and just rearrange the starting pieces differently, as many fanfics make work?

Chapter 32

-And now we have the chapter image of the tomb finally opened. Ominous.

-p464 Ianthe also going to the Ninth to stop them - I’ve seen that in fanfic too. I’d say a weird thing to introduce at the end of the book, but I’m guessing this will cliffhanger into Alecto the Ninth.

-p466 Damn, what on earth happened between Ianthe and Gideon that they end up wearing friendship bracelets and having a secret handshake?  XDDD

[Later me: I originally thought that it had to be Ianthe who suggested the bracelets. But no, given the callback to GtN, it was almost certainly Gideon! I still maintain that the secret handshake seems like more of an Ianthe thing, though. I’m dying to know the circumstances regardless.]

-p467 I’m surprised that Ianthe would be willing to let Harrow die here! I guess her imperial ambitions do matter more to her in the end. Marrying Harrow may be a goal, but a secondary one in her eyes.

-p468 Wow. Was not ever expecting Gideon to be okay with becoming John’s cavalier of all people!

>This in particular feels... hm. It’s like Cam and the rest showing up in HtN. A little too much offscreen character development to not seem weird.

I wonder if there will be a short story filling in the blanks?

-p472 Implying that Harrow did, in fact, kiss the Body when she entered the Tomb. Sheesh, Harrow! 

Also, she apparently left most of the traps disabled! Wow, that’s a lot more careless than I ever would have thought of her. She didn’t even fix them when she left for Canaan?

-p473 Yeah, that’s exactly how I would have thought Gideon killing Crux would go. “Why didn’t it feel good?”

One of the major themes of this books is about revenge being unfulfilling/not worth it, it seems.

-I once had a theory that opening the Tomb required at minimum a baby death’s worth of thanergy - meaning that Harrow was also a “key” in a way - but so much for that. Turns out it only took the thanergy of one old man to spoof the cell ward.

-p474 Ah. So Harrow took Gideon’s sword with her into the Tomb. Wonder what Wake thought of that! Is she even still around? Pyrrha shot the body she was possessing, but the sword went rather noticeably un-exorcized.

-p474 I guess the “Anastasia is in the Tomb” theories get half-credit? 

Epilogue

-p475 This certainly is a style to do the dramatic confrontation in. The Ye Olde English speech is fun for this one section, but I really hope this isn’t how Alecto normally narrates… it seems like it could get irritating to read very quickly.

-p475 And here, of all places, we have an overt meme. Then Perish.

-p476 Oh shoot. I’d wondered if it was Gideon or Harrow who was opposing Ianthe, and it was actually Harrow!

Harrow using profanity always catches me just a little off-guard whenever it happens.

-p476 Hey Harrow finally gets a kiss from the Body!

Oh. As I expected, Harrow fully expected the Body would kill her as soon as it woke up, but she longed for it regardless.  

(I had a WIP post of how Harrow doesn’t seem to want a living relationship with the Body - her attraction to it seems at least in part a kind of displacement of her suicidal urges. She cost too much to die, but if the Body wakes up and kills her, well, she’s fulfilled her duty, there’s nothing left for her to guard, she can die in peace.)

-p477 Heh, of course Gideon isn’t pleased. Although the idea of true Alecto as Harrow’s cavalier due to a vow to Anastasia sure is fascinating. 

If Alecto is Harrow’s cav that frees up Gideon to be her wife, yes? :P

Or going the opposite direction - if Gideon becomes John’s cavalier, and Alecto becomes Harrow’s cavalier… they might end up dueling each other again, this time with the fate of the universe at stake. And wouldn’t that be a hellish bookend for the series!

Enemies to friends to enemies to… (repeat ad infinitum)

-Huh. And we end on one heck of a cliffhanger with Alecto waking John. But with Alecto already having reached John, what is even the rest of the story? The Harrowing of Hell, presumably? Fixing the River and finding all those missing souls?

Concluding Thoughts >>

[lovethefangirls]

How Doctor Who FAILED the Impossible Girl

SPOILERS!!!!!

Clara Oswald, the Impossible Girl, her other alias's include

- Oswin Oswald Jr. Entertainer on the Starship Alaska (Season 7 Episode 1, "the Dalek Asylum", Matt Smith Era)

- Clara Oswin Oswald (Season 7 Episode 6, 2012 Christmas Special "the Snowmen", Matt Smith Era)

- The Woman Twice Dead (Season 7 Episode 7, "the Bells of Saint John", Matt Smith Era)

- Doctor Clara Oswald (Season 8 Episode 9, "Flatline", Peter Capaldi Era)

I'm not sure if this is true but she is suspected to be Charlotte (Cal) Lux from Season 4 Episode 8 "the Library" and Episode 9 "Forest of the Dead" David Tennet Era.

Clara has been known as many things throughout her time as a companion, however she is just mostly known as the Impossible Girl.

Don't get me wrong I loved Clara for the most part. There is no doubt in my mind she was one of the more popular companions since Rose Tyler. She certainly held a place in the hearts of the Doctor and the Doctor Who Community that is comparable to Rose and River.

In Clara's first season it was clear that she would be a companion no one would forget anytime soon (Except the Doctor).

Clara's character was full of mystery since her first appearance in Dalek Asylum. There were many theories surrounding her, multiple of them linking her to Rose Tyler or "Bad Wolf".

Later on in the season it is revealed that she went back into the Doctors Timestream to prevent the Great Intelligence from killing the Doctor over and over again. As a result of this she split into millions of versions of her; "Echos" of herself.

If we count her Echos she has known the Doctor for almost as long as the Master.

Clara was a force to be reckoned with, even after Matt Smith's departure as the Doctor and Peter Capaldi's introduction Clara was still a force to be reckoned with. Clara grounded the Doctor and the Doctor lightened up Clara.

Then Clara met Danny Pink.

This is where her downfall as a character began.

Don't get me wrong I think Danny Pink could've been a great character. He certainly had the potential to be one and I'm not saying he was a bad character. His writing is what prevented him from being a better character.

Danny pointed out hard truths about the Doctor, the fact that the Doctor could act like an Officer in the Military and give orders like one and how he sort of made Clara a soldier in that regard.

I wasn't expecting another Amy and Rory Pond but I wasn't expecting what Danny and Clara were either.

In fairness to Danny, Clara put off telling Danny the truth about the Doctor until she couldn't didn't help.

However, Danny didn't help matters when he gave an ultimatum.

In Addition, the Doctor was condecending to Danny wasn't helping either.

In the end their relationship turned into one of constant lying and hiding on Clara's part. She didn't want to stop travelling with the Doctor and instead of confronting Danny and telling him she kept it hidden. So that way she can stay with him.

I've been witness to toxic relationships all of my life (been in one myself) and sadly this is what Clara and Danny's relationship had become...toxic.

After the events of Danny's death and the toll it took on her, her becoming more and more reckless and loosing her grounding and just becoming another Doctor. It hurt me to see her character become like this.

Before any of you say it was "love" and "grief" that drove her to be increasingly reckless and borderline suicidal I want to paint a picture for you.

Clara was her own character, she was quick witted and funny and she was a perfect companion. But beyond that, let's look at who she is without the doctor and before danny. Clara Oswald had a family, she had a support system. she had her grandmother, her father. She had her students, she had family and friends outside of the Doctor a whole other life that she cared for. If she didn't she would've been like Rose. completely abandoning her life from before the Doctor. However, Clara cared about her family and her life outside the Doctor.

So you mean to tell me that this woman in her grief over a (what I'm going to assume) 1 year relationship. All because she was convinced that she was going to spend her life with him and have a family by some dude who looked like him and vaguely said they were related?

It doesn't make sense.

So this character completely changed (and I was expecting her to but not this extreme since I know grief can change a person or a loss like that) because she just couldn't bare to live without Danny Pink and assumed that there was no future for her anymore with him so what was the point.

She died because she made a stupid mistake that didn't make sense in the first place for her to do that.

and in the end she outgrows the Doctor and flies around in a TARDIS of her own.

I'm actually not mad at her ending but what occured in the middle and how a strong character like her was brought down because she "just couldn't live without him" insults me.

It insults me whenever this happens to any character no matter gender or race or sexual identitiy.

This is NOT TRAGIC ROMANCE. it's just a tragedy.

there is more to life than one person.

there is more to life than what the writers did to Clara.

yes grief and depression and anger and heartbreak and all of those negative emotions change a person forever, and not always for the better.

but there is so much more to life than just that.

Doctor Who's big message was that life was so much more than just the horrible stuff we always get stuck in, yes horrible stuff happens and nothing can change that and it always feels like the end of the world

but there is so much more.

there's family and friends that you love and hold dear.

there's that show you always wanted to watch but never had the time.

there are sunrises and sunsets and rainy days and snow days.

there are stars and the moon.

there is music and art that you've never seen before

there are beautiful places you've never been before

all of these activities that you've never tried before.

that's the message they shouldve tried to write for her

[fuzziemutt]

Do You Understand ?

Chapter 8/9 - Link to MasterList in reblog

Summary: One more apology to go...

tw: unhealthy thinking. This one is also much lighter than the previous.

Connor took a deep breath. His coin flicked back and forth, leg bouncing methodically, body thrumming with an added anxious energy he wasn’t expecting to feel. He was just going to talk to Hank, Hank would... understand. Sure the old man got upset when Connor did anything “stupid” (or died) but everything would be fine. 

He was in an automated taxi making its way to the Ambassador Bridge where, on a whim, he messaged Hank he would meet up with him in two hours. The meeting with the leaders was just yesterday and it spurred him to fix things with Hank while he still felt (brave) optimal enough to do so. Nines wasn’t with him this time; he thought of asking him to join, but Connor felt this was too personal and had to do it on his own. He really hoped he didn’t regret this.

Arguably, this really wasn’t a good time to do this. Connor warily glanced out the window for the 50th time, watching the way the snow piled ever higher with the clouds threatening to release more of the terrible substance. Usually he was able to keep his stress levels relatively low, low being closer to 50 than 20 if he was honest, ever since the snow started up again roughly a month ago. However, today’s weather with the meeting from yesterday, the looming anniversary of his second deployment, and now his self assigned meet up with Hank didn’t help how nervous he felt about this all. He should have asked to meet at Hank’s house, but he felt that was crossing an invisible boundary even if he still kept Hank’s house key on him at all times. 

But he had to do this now as he knew he would go back to hiding if he didn’t, so he just kept pushing the fridgid memories down.

Before long, the taxi rolled to a stop, perfectly parked, uncaring of the android who needed another minute of breathing and rapid coin flicks till he climbed out. Hank wasn’t there yet, but Connor pushed down the spike of panic. The roads were still being cleared from the morning snow, it was fine, Hank also was human and couldn’t predict just how long it took to get everywhere. It was going to be fine. He needed to be careful with his stress levels today.

He made his way over to the bench he hasn’t seen in a long time. With that energy still thrumming, he went about pacing, almost jogging to get rid of the excess energy. He was all alone so he didn’t worry too much about being caught and just kept an eye out for that familiar Oldsmobile. The moment he caught its grey color getting closer, he made himself go and sit down on the bench staying as still as possible. He tried to not look too tense and instead inviting, he didn’t want to set Hank off about his internal struggles. This was about them, not about his past after all.

“Was kinda surprised to see your text,” a gruff voice said after the tell tale thunk of a car door closing. It sounded like Hank was trying to lighten the mood with the awkward laugh that followed, but the lack of response made the silence return. 

Hank came into Connor’s view not too long after that, awkward shuffling before he settled on the bench next to him. A bit of space between the two. Connor wasn’t sure where to start. Who should be apologizing here? He felt like he was supposed to be for some reason despite Hank having been the one who hurt him. This was confusing. Maybe he should have asked Nines to come with…

“So.. what’s up?” Hank offered up after a couple minutes. He was clearly uncomfortable if the way he kept glancing at Connor and his hands kept messing with his jacket said anything.

“I… I’m not sure how to go about this.”

“Go about what exactly?”

“This? I want… to fix our relationship.. I miss. I miss our conversations… and Sumo,” Connor ventured very unsure where to go. He added the last bit to lighten the mood, but it was also the truth. He hasn’t seen the dog since he moved out. 

Hank nodded and sat there thinking. He would be better at going about this Connor didn’t doubt.

“I won’t lie. I’m not the best at ‘emotional stuff’ like this, but I can see you’re strugglin’ so…” 

A chin scratch then throat clearing, “I know deviancy hasn’t been the easiest on you especially from what I could tell Cyberlife was like. I don’t know what happened that made you shut us all out for so long though. Would you mind telling me what the hell happened at that meeting before we go any further?” 

Oh. Oh yeah he never told Hank what happened did he? He knew Hank talked to Markus.. He didn’t think Markus would have left it vague. He honestly thought the leader would have laid out all the details for everyone to see. Interesting. He’s just stalling for time now.

“I wasn’t lying about how we were discussing what we would be doing with the androids that react negatively towards humans. I was suggesting that we make safe zones where humans would not be able to enter when North got upset,” Connor felt his hands clench together and nose wrinkle a bit, “She went on saying how I had no place in the conversation as I never supposedly have had bad relations with humans since I was so close to you. She said how I would never be able to.. Understand… their struggles.”

He let himself close his eyes and take a breath before continuing. There was no point in getting himself worked up again here.

“For the past several months, I’ve been treated time and time again like I have no say in anything. As if I never experienced emotions or the extent of cruelty humans can have. The constant use of that word it.. I felt something snap inside of me, and I let out my anger on them. I was too upset from months of frustration to stop myself. Afterwards, in a way I saw to protect myself from that horrible feeling, I shut everyone out.” 

He couldn’t stand to look at Hank anymore, taking up staring at the river instead. The river didn’t have eyes that could hold judgement. Distantly he was a bit surprised he managed to even say all of that so steadily.

“I see. Is that why you uhh.. Moved out of the house so quickly?” 

“Partially…” he caught a hand motioning ‘go on’ in the corner of his visuals. 

“You also did it. Using the word and discounting me. I mean. I wanted to be alone to process what happened and keep myself safe as mentioned, but I.. I didn’t want to do the same thing to you as well. So I left before I made anything worse.”

Connor closed his eyes ready for some sort of reprimand. He wasn’t sure why he expected to get punished when Hank had asked what happened, but he couldn’t help the dread that was sitting in his already anxious internal cavity. 

A muffled ‘fuck’ caught his attention and he opened his eyes again. Glancing over he saw that Hank was rubbing a hand on his face, looking at the ground with some sort of expression Connor couldn’t place. His eyes suddenly glanced up, looking into Connor.

“Look, kid. I’m sorry for what I’ve said,” mentally Connor ticked another mark of hearing the word sorry, “I know I still have my own issues to work through, but I should have watched what I said better. And before you go all ‘you couldn’t have predicted’ or whatever, it’s no excuse. I’m a grown ass man who should have seen how I was hurting you.” 

A sigh and another round of face rubbing. A nervous tick maybe? 

“I’m not going to pull you under the bus either by saying you should have told me you were feeling that way. Because I think we both know that whatever Cyberlife did fucked you up real good, and you never would have said shit as long as you could. So. I fucked up and I can’t guarantee I’ll do better, but I sure as hell will try.” 

Connor let those words settle a bit. He didn’t look as openly sorry as Nines but his eyes spoke more volume. Hank has been there since the revolution. He wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine obviously, he still had bad days and relapses, but he did try. He helped Connor whenever he asked what seemed like obvious questions about emotions and human interactions. He would get Connor’s mind off the past on bad days, awkwardly but still there. 

“I accept your apology. I’m not sure if I can say I can trust you the same amount as before, but I don’t want to push you away anymore.”

Hank’s shoulders slumped in relief a bit and a one sided smile joined it. It didn’t last long as he soon looked around, hesitant about something.

“Would… Would you want to move back in?” 

“No.. not now.. I’m not sure if I ever would like to move back with you, Hank. I miss the feeling of home your house brings me but I.. I’m still scared of getting hurt again. I also enjoy the privacy my apartment brings me.” 

Hank seemed to slump a bit from what he assumed was sad disappointment, but he nodded seriously. 

“I’ll still visit when I get the chance. I wasn’t lying when I said I miss Sumo,” Connor kind of blurted a bit quickly. He didn’t want his friend thinking he was only going to tolerate him at work.

A gruff laugh, “He misses you too, son” and a hand messing up Connor’s gelled hair (which he did not mope about in any sense). 

-

The lingering dread and fear from the snow lasted with him the whole time him and Hank spoke after that. But it wasn’t as overwhelming. Hank didn’t stay much longer, getting up complaining about how he was too old for this shit and needed to get home before his joints shattered which Connor helpfully informed at what temperature that could actually happen. 

Connor did accept the offer for a ride to his apartment. He turned down the offer to see Sumo. He wanted to see the big lump of fur, but he used up a lot of energy trying to keep his stress levels stable all day and wanted to rest by himself for a bit. Hank didn’t take too much offense to it it seems at least.

[jmnjmnjmn]

Eternal beings | Chapter 11

Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x Human!Reader

Key words: supernatural, vampire, soulmates.

Word count: around 3,000

Warnings: swearing,  sadness, jealousy, mentions of murder

Inspo board

Masterlist

I’m sorry you guys had to wait so long for this chapter. I hope you like it. I worked really hard on the ending. It was the part I couldn’t come up with for the looongest time. Please let me know what you think of it in the comments or ask tab.

“You're all over the place, (Y/N).” Hoseok said as he speeded up to walk next to Jungkook and you. You sighed slightly, looking around the familiar grounds of the park.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m not really feeling great.” You said, giving your head a slight shake to let go of the memories, at least for the time being.

“No, I meant your energy. It’s scattered all over here.” He explained himself.

“Oh…” You said feeling tired by all this supernatural nonsense.

“You come here often?” He asked and you wondered for a moment whether you should tell him the truth. “No, you used to. Yes, now I can tell.” He nodded looking around. “It’s old. High school?” Maybe he knew that there was a high school right on the other side of this park and put two and two together, or maybe he really saw energy. You instantly scolded yourself for letting that thought go through your head. “I’m right, aren’t I?” He asked with a chuckle that made you believe even harder that he was just guessing.

“Why are we here again?” You asked, wanting to divert from the topic of your past.

“You walked through here many times.” He kept going, leaving your question unanswered. “Often not alone. Often with a boy.” He added. “I can feel him here and on you.” He said gesturing from your feet to your head. “You’re still seeing him or you saw-” He tried to explain, but Jungkook cut him off with another question that made your blood boil.

“Who is it?” He blurted out.

“God, help me.” You sighed, grabbing your forehead.

“I don’t know that.” Hoseok chuckled like he was baffled by Jungkook’s lack of knowledge about energy reading.

“Can you stop?” You asked, raising your voice. Hoseok sighed and started looking around the park again.

“Here.” He said, pointing towards a path to his right. As soon as he did so you inhaled sharply and felt your heart skip a beat. Jungkook noticed that sudden change in your emotional state and eyed you up and down, unable to stop himself from thinking it was caused by memories of that boy Hoseok mentioned and to be honest he wasn’t that far off the truth.

It’s been a long time since you were here, right here. The last time you walked on this specific path was in the summer after graduation. You ran into Taehyung that day and went to hang out with them under the bridge. The bridge. A couple more minutes of walking and you’ll see it looming over the small river. 

“I have to tell you something.” Taehyung muttered looking down. You sat next to each other on the bank of the river with your bare feet in the cold water, hiding in the concrete bridge's shadow from the summer’s sun’s merciless rays.

“What is it?” You asked, waving your feet around slightly, making splashing sounds with the water. Taehyung cleared his throat and looked up at you.

“I've been meaning to tell you this for a while actually.” He said looking away as soon as you raised your gaze to meet his. “It’s nothing new- Well, for me. It might be news to you though. I- Uh…” He stumbled on his word for a moment eventually giving up with a sigh.

“What?” You asked him, clueless.

“I- I have- God damn it.” He laughed nervously and shook his head. “Give me a second.” He said, looking down at your guys’s feet in the water with a faint smile. “Okay, here’s the thing.” He started with a calmer tone. “High school is over. We’re going to university now. In a couple of years we might have real jobs and in a couple more our own families.” He counted the things on his fingers with widened eyes, as if a concept of an adult life was something new he never heard of before.

“Yeah.” You chuckled. “And?”

“And… I’ve got this horrible feeling that won't go away. No matter how hard I try.” He said looking you in the eyes.

“What?” You scrunched your brows in confusion. “What feeling?” You asked, wondering what he meant. Was he just that nervous about life after high school? Or was it something more?

“I feel... Something.” He said, putting his hands together and looking at you with hope that you understood what he meant by that.

“Something?” You asked, still unaware of what he wanted to tell you and he just nodded vigorously. “I don’t understand.” Taehyung hid his face in his hands to try and keep a nervous laugh from escaping his lips. He sighed, letting his arms fall down to his sides and decided to try again.

“Okay, maybe you’ll understand this.” He said cupping your face in his hands. Before you knew it his lips were on yours. Your hands travelled up his body, grabbing his shirt to pull him closer.

You didn’t feel comfortable being here with Jungkook and his loony friend. It was your place, not theirs.

“Where are we going exactly?” You asked as the three of you walked, getting closer and closer to the place you so desperately didn’t want them to see. You realised it was silly. So many people passed through that bridge, so many walked under it, but for some reason having these two there didn’t feel right.

“River.” Hoseok’s answer made your blood turn ice cold, but what he added a second after brought you back to normality. “I need a body of water for this.” You decided not to comment on his weird statement.

Without a word you walked over the concrete bridge onto the other side of the park. Hoseok led you down onto the bank of the river where you walked ahead for a couple of more minutes.

“Perfect.” He declared, stopping in the shade of the trees growing around the path. “Away from the eyes and ears of the unwanted.” He added and you realised you were in fact alone with the two right now.

Jungkook and you sat on the grass when Hoseok went to the river for God knows what reason. You crossed your legs and started pulling the blades of grass in front of you. Jungkook swayed back and leaned on his palms looking at your hands.

“So…” He started and you already felt your annoyance levels rise. “You came here often in high school?” He asked, trying to sound casual. You kept twisting one long blade of grass between your fingers, leaving him hanging. “You came here with friends?” He kept digging, but you didn’t stop your actions. You didn’t even bother to sigh. “Seems like a nice place.” He said, nodding to himself.

“Guess who.” You grabbed Taehyung’s wrists immediately as he put his cold palms over your eyes. 

Without a word you turned around to face him, his hands fell from your eyes to your shoulders as you did so. You grabbed onto the front of his black puffer jacket and pulled him close. Despite the cold fall weather the feeling of his breath made you warm up from the inside so much that you wished to take off your thick woolen coat. You smiled as you pressed your lips on his.

“Hey.” You muttered after a moment, breaking the kiss.

“Hey.” He repeated with a goofy grin spread across his handsome face. “You’re in a good mood.”

“All because of you.” You smiled as he wrapped his arm over your shoulders and you put yours behind his back.

“I love you.” He said in a low voice, looking down at you as you walked through the park together. You simply smiled and kissed his cheek before saying back the three short words that meant so much.

“Okay, I’m ready.” You looked up at Hoseok walking towards you from the river with his face wet and his shoes in his hand.

“Did you just wash up in the river?” You asked him, feeling sceptical about the whole thing.

“Don’t question my methods. I learned from the best.” He shut you down and sat on the grass across from Jungkook and you. He reached into his backpack, taking out a beat up notebook and a candle. He set the later in the middle of the grass between the three of you and started going through the pages of the notebook slowly, humming something to himself. “Okay, give me your hands.” He said after setting the notebook down and reached one of his hands to you and another one to Jungkook. He grabbed it without question while you stared at the candle on the grass. It’s flame moved slightly in the soft breeze.

“When did you-” You started to form a question, but lost your tongue along the way.

“Cool, huh?” He asked with a chuckle, noticing what you were looking at. “I can show you how I do it later, but now give me your hand.” He said smiling with his hand still in the air. You just looked at him suspiciously, so he leaned in and grabbed your hand himself. “Jungkook?” He asked, nodding in the direction of your other hand.

“Right.” Jungkook said and grabbed your other hand.

As his warm palm touched yours everything went dark. Suddenly all your surroundings looked as if someone put a negative filter on them. You blinked your eyes a couple of times in hope that everything would come back to normal, but it didn’t. You saw Hoseok move his lips, but you couldn’t make out any words.

“What?” You stuttered out in shock. He moved his lips again trying to convey something to you, but it sounded as if he was speaking underwater. “What?” You repeated and he just shook his head. He let go of your hand and immediately everything went back to normal.

“Something’s wrong. Couldn’t you hear me?” He asked you, reaching for his notebook again.

“What was that?” You asked in a small voice.

“Okay, let’s try again.” Before you could object his hand was on yours and the world flipped upside down.

“What is going on?” You asked, tightening your grip on both boys’ hands.

This time when you looked at Hoseok for answers you couldn't hear him at all. He looked confused and angry. As he pulled his hand away from yours you were back to normal with everything in place.

“I don’t understand. I must be doing something wrong.” He mumbled, flipping through the pages of his notebook frantically. “You’re seeing everything fine, right?” He asked, looking up at Jungkook.

“Yes. She’s just buffering.” He said casually while you struggled to keep down the coffee you had earlier.

“Yes, yes…” He whispered to himself, tracing his finger down the page. “For fucks sake. How could I forget.” He exclaimed and reached for the candle, putting it’s flame out with his thumb and index finger. “You have to hold it while I light it.” He said, shaking his head at his own forgetfulness. Jungkook took the candle and held it out in your direction, but you just looked at him confused. “Take it.” Hoseok encouraged you, but you didn’t move.

Instead Jungkook took your hand in his and placed it in the candle. Within a second it’s wick was lit up again, no matches, no lighter. It was like… Magic. Jungkook let go of your hand letting it fall down to your side as he placed the candle in its previous spot between the three of you.

“Okay, hands.” The two boys grabbed both of your hands and this time everything turned black and white. Well, almost everything. “Can you hear me?” Hoseok’s voice rang through your ears, but all your attention was on Jungkook or more precisely his shining golden eyes. “Can you hear me, (Y/N)?” Hoseok asked once again and you shot him a quick glance, not wanting to take your eyes away from Jungkook’s even for a second.

“Yes, but why is-”

“Describe what you see.” He interrupted your question. Why was everything but him colourless?

“What is-” You tried only to be cut off by Hoseok’s another question.

“What do you see, (Y/N)?” He pressed and you desperately wanted to rip your hand out of his.

“I- I-” You stuttered, looking at Jungkook confused. Your eyes travelled from his eyes to his lips to his chest, down his body and up again to his eyes. As you looked into them you noticed they were full of hope and care.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Jungkook said in a comforting tone, his thumb caressing your knuckles.

“Uh, I- it’s-” You looked down at your intertwined fingers, his touch felt scolding hot against your skin. “I don’t-”

“Just take a moment.” He practically whispered, leaning towards you. “Look at me. Come on.” He encouraged you. “(Y/N), look at me.” He pulled on your hand slightly so you’d pay attention to him. As your gaze met his, he smiled slightly and you felt your chest relax a little. “What do you see?” He asked. “Tell me what I look like.”

“I- uh- I don’t know.” You blinked excessively trying to clear your head and focus somehow. “I-”

“What colour is my hair?” Jungkook asked, knowing that you were too confused to think properly and he needed to give you an easy question.

“B- brown.” You muttered and his small smile grew wider at the sound of your voice.

“Okay.” He looked down at his clothes, shaking his head. “Uh- well, my shirt’s black, but- my jeans. What colour are they?”

“Blue.” This time the happy expression also took over his eyes, making them shine brightly.

“So you see me right?” He asked all giddy and you just nodded. Of course you saw him, he was right in front of you. “And I’m in colour?” Another nod. “When everything else isn’t?” Nod.

“We got her.” Your head shot towards Hoseok as he spoke. He let go of your hand and suddenly the grass was green again, the sky was blue, everything went back to normal. “Congrats, Jungkook.” He smiled and put out the candle with his finger’s like he did before. “You were right. You’re soulmates.” Your eyes widened at his words. Was it that simple to determine whether someone was your soulmate or not? What was this weird sequence of events that you just experienced?

“What?” You blurted out, looking at him in utter shock. “How do you-”

“It’s a spell as old as time, (Y/N).” Hoseok cut you off, packing his belongings into his backpack. “A couple meets with their teller and he or she checks if they’re meant for each other.” He zipped up the big compartment and reached for his shoes to put them back on. “It all depends on the saturation.” His tone indicated that you should already understand what he meant, but the disbelief spread across your face said otherwise.

“If you see your partner in full colour they’re the one, if they’re in black and white it’s probably not gonna work.” Jungkook said, continuing his friend’s explanation.

“You can try-” Hoseok nodded. “-but that’s not your true soulmate. Sometimes people can see each other in like dimmed colours, that means potential, but from what I just saw with the two of you it was pretty clear that-” 

You felt like your head was going to implode. You stopped hearing Hoseok’s words and looked over at Jungkook. His face seemed to have dropped a little from before, he looked borderline concerned which made you wonder whether he was hearing every confused and afraid thought that ran through your head the past couple of seconds. You’ve had enough. You ripped your hand out of his and stood up from the ground, turned on your heel and started walking furiously fast back towards the main lane.

“(Y/N), wait.” You heard Jungkook call behind you. “(Y/N).” His voice got close and you felt the weight of his hand on your shoulder. “Hey, stop.”

“Leave me alone.” You barked, shaking him off.

“Come on.” He chuckled, matching your pace to walk beside you. “I warned you. I said it’s all true.” You felt your blood boil in your veins. 

“Fuck off.” 

“Hey, don’t be like that.” He pouted. “Let me at least give you a ride home.”

“Thanks, but I’d rather walk.” You shot him down, not even sparing him a second glare as you walked out of the park's west gate.

“I’ll walk you then.” He more stated than proposed at which you rolled your eyes so far back into your head it was a miracle they didn’t pop out.

“No need.” You groaned through gritted teeth as the two of you crossed the street.

“You know your place is that way, right?” He asked, trying to sound funny but given the deathly stare you just shot him he raised his hands in a gesture of giving up. “Care to tell me where we’re going?” He finally asked after a moment of blessed silence.

“Please stop following me.” You fired back, nothing but annoyance in your tone.

“I’m not following you, I’m wa-” You stopped in your tracks and turned to face him.

“I said I don’t want you to walk me.” You hissed, looking into his deep brown eyes that still had that little shine of gold from before. That little tiny specle that shined so beautifully-

“(Y/N)?” A familiar female voice brought you back to reality from this weird rage and admiration combo you felt brewing inside your chest.

You turned your head to look at the woman who just passed by Jungkook and you and had to use all your physical strength not to let your jaw drop all the way down to the ground.

“Hi, auntie.” You said sweetly.

“Auntie?” Jungkook asked from behind your shoulder. The woman, your mother’s sister, your aunt, smiled at him brightly.

“Who is this friend of yours?” She asked in a tone that indicated curiosity of a life long gossiper.

“Oh, I don’t-”

“I’m (Y/N)’s boyfriend, ma'am.”

[obeymefanatic]

I went ham cause I like my chaotic crackhead joke of a human Nana Namie HSHSHSSH

“for demons, y’all sure act human. Much more human than the ones I know.”

First name: Nana, spelled with the kanji for “seven” and “beautiful.” Last Name: Namie, spelled using the kanji for “wave” and “river.”

WARNING: mentions and underlying tones of suicidal ideation, depression, and abuse. I’m depicting a very troubled character. If you are easily triggered, I suggest not reading any further. Take care of your mental health!

For someone who has the number 7 in her name, she wasn’t a very lucky gal. Born in an abusive family, she kept up with their emotional and physical abuse for years, even until she had reached adulthood. They kept using and using her, and Namie was but a butterfly whose wings were continuously cut off, until she was no more but a struggling prey caught in a spiderweb of lies.

That was, until she reached her breaking point. It was when she broke down and snapped that, the day after, she was suddenly transported to the Devildom.

Contrary to what the demon brothers expected, she was highly euphoric, as she finally saw this as an opportunity to start anew. To live a life in a surreal world that she doesn’t actually really believe to be true. (No harm in thinking that!

With that… she started to do whatever she wanted, and she surrendered her decisions to her curiosity and her needs.

Chaotic as she was, she proceeded to take the brothers’ life by a storm. Like a humongous wave and a raging river, she continued to cause chaos in her time in the Devildom, and while there were some who were overjoyed with her company, Lucifer takes the brunt of her “harmless fun,” and Lucifer was so sure that he WILL NOT care about what happens to her.

But as he watches her self-destruct, as he watches her slowly destroy herself in her smoldering and growing sense of hopelessness, of being lost and alone and afraid—-he starts to find parts of her that wasn’t such a mess, and together with the brothers, during her time in the Devildom–she starts to find something aching to a true family—a place to belong. All of the things she never had a taste of in her past life.

She never wants to leave. And Namie will make sure she will always find her way back to her home, to her Devildom family, even if she becomes a demon herself.

Some headcanons on her personality!

-talks in slang  -”cool” “awesome” “that’s lit!” - the only thing she has good in her life as a human is she’s pretty. That’s what she believes, so she likes dressing up the way she wants to. - otherwise her life is pretty shitty. But she takes it in stride anyway - impulsive as shit—says yes a lot just for the joke of it - EVERYTHING is a joke - Laughs and giggles manically at the smallest of things–including things that Should Not Even Be Funny - Hides her trauma behind humor and apathy - So she’s a pretty fun and easygoing gal but underneath that is a tangled mess of issues and repressed emotions - Laughs things off like a champ - When she finds something that peaks her interest–she becomes fixated and obsessed. She clings unto the things that give her a little bit of happiness a little too much - Though she may not be the greatest role model, her ability to still smile and laugh in the face of negativity is admirable

- Not even because she’s pretending—but because she is just really tired of how sad her life is–and somehow, in the face of her hopelessness–she clung to her spite and her exhaustion and used that to vow to herself—

“ah. I don’t care anymore. I won’t care anymore. Whatever happens to me… as long as I can avoid feeling like this, then I’ll do anything.”

- After such a thought–she snapped and cast aside everything she used to be - She quit her high-maintenance job and flipped the bird to the people who hurt and abused her—after years of avoiding confrontation—let’s just say she went apeshit. - it was the night before she got zapped into the Devildom that she drank herself silly for the first time, wandered around and walked until she reached a place with no people, and continued to pass out unto the concrete floor, thinking she’ll die from how h o r r i b l e  yet liberated she felt, being able to throw away a life she had tried so hard to live, even when she was suffering so, so much.

-Thinking that she was about to die, Namie started to think about the things she wanted to do in her life.

“…Come to think of it, I absolutely adored fantasy stories. Stories with demons and angels and things that don’t exist… because all this time.. All I’ve ever wanted is to escape this shitty life, to escape to a world nobody has ever been to.”

“I want to escape this…. and go somewhere far, far away.”

-The next thing she knew, she awoke to the court of the Devildom—or more like the ceiling, really. - Namie missed Diavolo’s intro because she was busy trying to have rational thoughts and keeping her guts in her stomach in the middle of her horrible hangover. - Diavolo and Lucifer had to put a stop to their act and help the poor soul, and possibly prevent her from sullying their student council hall as she starts looking like she’s gonna throw up all of her organs.

It wasn’t a great first impression on the people of Devildom, but as soon as she stepped into this unreal world filled with beautiful demons and deviously gorgeous angels (Simeon *ahem* pls) Namie finally found herself a blank slate to start over in.

It wasn’t long before she fell in love with their world, a world without humans, a world unlike anything she has ever seen before.

She never wants to leave now. But is that truly a good thing for the protagonist of this particular story?

(AKA I wanted to create an MC with issues and a deeply rooted hatred for her fellow humans, and how her experiences that eventually lead to the mess that she is right now—proceeds to heal and ultimately break off from her completely, as she learns how to be human—how to be herself—in the presence of 7 demon brothers that behaved more humanely and properly than little miss Chaos.)

In short… I wanted to depict a very troubled human who may be on the verge of insanity. Someone “at the end of the road.” But it’s not gonna end in tragedy. It’s never too late to head towards your own happy ending.

But it’s gonna be angsty, though. But what is life without a little bit of angst, and a little bit of love to balance it?

[marshmallow-phd]

Midnight Hours

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Wolf!AU

Pairing: Sehun x Reader

Summary: For you, being a good witch was easier said than done. Something dark was lurking inside of you and the others knew it. When you’re forced to tag along with Soomi and help a local wolfpack face a coming evil, you’re sent on a path that breaks into a crossroads. While you struggle with your inner demons, could the wolf Sehun be the key to your ultimate fate?

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I 15 I 16 I 17 I Final

**

Molia clapped enthusiastically, cheering for you loudly as you came back down to the ground.

“That was….” You shook your head, still in a state of shock but also out of breath from the amount of concentration you had just used. “That felt like flying.”

Air wasn’t supposed to be that strong - strong enough to hold you in the air - but the things Molia had taught you over the past few days… it seemed like nothing was impossible. This was a territory you never thought to explore before. Your own imagination had been limited to mere shape manipulation. Molia was showing you so much more. She showed you how to pull water out of the plants around you. She taught you how to concentrate fire in your hands, like gloves. She helped you find the life source of the plants, using it to heal your own minor scrapes and bruises that you earned in your practices without having to go the vigorous steps taught by Soomi. 

Soomi. 

Guilt churned in your heart. You hadn’t thought about her since your first day with Molia. You disappeared without a word to her. She must have been worrying herself to death. You wondered if she was sleeping or eating properly. Her sensitive nature hadn’t been factored in when you took off through that window. You hadn’t thought about several things in that moment. 

“Was is it?” Molia asked, concerned. Your thoughts must have down casted your face, a one-eighty from the excitement only moments before. 

“I was just thinking about Soomi,” you confessed. “I left without telling her so she must be losing her mind right now.”

Instead of sympathy, Molia scoffed. “You shouldn’t focus on how she feels. I doubt you’ve ever been given the same courtesy.”

“Soomi has always looked after me!” you argued. Throughout your time here, Molia had thrown comments like that about the mothers and the coven. Mostly, you’d ignored them, knowing you’d thought the same things over your years with them. But with Soomi… you still felt protective over her. She was different from the others, different towards you. “She’s like my big sister.”

“Oh, yes,” Molia nodded, acid flicking off her tongue with each word, “I’m sure she’s always been the one next you when everyone else was against you. It’s just a ploy to make you compliant. Trust me. They did the same to me.”

“That’s all you’ve been saying this whole time!” You could feel your hands heating up, as they usually did whenever your emotions started teetering over the edge. For the most part you could control it, but the concerns of the mothers still echoed in your head, founded or not. 

How dare she judge Soomi without knowing her? All this witch ever did was give cryptic hints about her past, but when you asked for more details, she’d change the subject or act like the words had never left your mouth in the first place. You were thankful for what she’d taught you, but you needed to know more if you were going to stay. The constant riddles and guessing games were driving you insane.

But Molia didn’t fight back. She lowered her gaze, her voice no louder than the wind. “I’m trying to spare you the details of my story. It may not be the way you heard it, but it still is not a happy one.”

“But I want to understand you, Molia,” you pleaded. Inside, you were still fighting between the person in front of you and the thing that had haunted your visions. They didn’t go together. They didn’t feel like two sides of the same coin; they didn’t even feel like the same country’s currency. 

Yes, it was true that there was always fear in the unknown, but you couldn’t think of Molia – who was showing you parts of yourself that had been locked away for far too long – in a negative light. And yes, she was a vampire, but saying that all vampires were evil would make you no better than the ones who called you bad for your powers. Every group had both sides, so why should her kind be any different?

Visibly swallowing, Molia turned from you, looking out into the clearing with no real subject to focus on. Her eyes glossed over as her mind rewound to a time that most of the world had forgotten. 

“You think she’s your friend,” Molia whispered. It was almost quiet enough to hide the breaking in her voice. Almost. “But all she is doing is keeping you in line.”

You couldn’t believe that. You refused to. “No. Soomi’s not like that.”

Molia whipped her head, her eyes shining a murderous red. “How do you know? Can you read her thoughts? She’s been reporting your every move to the mothers since she was first assigned to watch over you. They did the same with me.” She closed her eyes and grimaced with a ghostly pain. “I thought I could trust Tatia. She’d been my best friend for as long as I could remember. But as we grew older… I don’t know what happened, really. One day, we were out in the fields, practicing our magic. She also had a strong connection with water so we tended to play near the river.”

As if she were projecting the images into your own mind, you saw her past happening before your eyes. The two innocent witches who knew each other so well. 

Their laughter chanted in your ears as they ran through the fields of tall grass, brushing against their arms and tickling their elbows. The water in the river was clear and flowed along at a gentle current. It was a scene that was so familiar, like a moment from a period movie. 

Splashing each other with the water, they giggled and ran around, careful not to trip over their long dresses as they played.

“That’s not fair!” the girl you didn’t recognize – who could only be Tatia – complained. Molia had sent an orb of water straight for her friend that was bigger than the former could manage. Her dark hair was soaked, clinging to her pretty face. 

“Little did I know that Tatia had harvested a jealousy,” Molia narrated. Just as her words broke through your mind, the scene shifted.

The sky darkened up above and the girls went from laughing in the sun to lying down in the dying grass, smiles absent from their faces. 

“Tatia never told me, but the other witches were fearful of my growing powers. And they’d asked her to start letting them know about what I was doing at all times. A wish she granted all too willingly.”

The field dissolved to a house made entirely of wood. Lighting was low, only the soft glow of candles gave you enough to see by. Molia was standing in front of a door that was partially cracked open. Through the open space, Tatia was leaning down to someone who could only be an elder, given their age and dress. She was whispering unintelligibly in the elder’s ear. A stern and decided expression was on the older woman’s face. When Tatia exited the room, she barely made eye contact with Molia before she hurried down the hall. 

“My closest friend in the world was no longer by my side. I was all alone. But not for long.”

Complete darkness took over the scene. The air grew cold. As the moon drifted out from behind the clouds, the mouth of a cave came into view. Two people stood close together, their body language giving off the feeling of a dance between predator and prey. 

“You shouldn’t be here.”

The man chuckled at Molia’s hiss. His eyes shined red in the night, giving away his true nature immediately. “But aren’t you the one who came to me?”

Molia turned her head downwards. “I had nowhere else to go. I don’t know what they’re planning, but I can feel them turning against me.”

The malicious nature of the vampire smoothed into one of sympathy. His shoulders dropped and he lifted Molia’s chin gently with his index finger so he could meet her eyes. “You do not owe them anything, sweet child. Come with me where they cannot touch you.”

Shaking her head, Molia pulled away. “I can’t. They’re my coven. Perhaps if I talked to them-”

“What good would that do? Do you truly think their jealousy will let them hear you?”

“I have to try.”

Screams erupted behind you and suddenly it was daylight again, in the town square. Two men held Molia captive with ropes tightly bound around her. 

“Mother, please!” Molia begged as she fell to her knees. The area was crowded with onlookers who kept their distance, children hiding behind their parents’ legs, but too curious to run away.

The elder from before stood a few feet in front of Molia, chanting as she read aloud from a book. A binding spell. The pleas that rang through the air fell on deaf ears.

Looking around desperately, Molia found the one person who had been her friend. “Tatia, help me! Please! Make them see reason! Make them stop! It was an accident! I swear!”

But she did no such thing. She didn’t even have the decency to walk away with a drop of remorse. She kept standing there, staring at Molia with a blank, unashamed expression. 

Then, the wind picked up. Lightning flashed from the sky that had been clear and blue just moments before. Several struck the thatched roofs of the houses surrounding the square, creating fires that quickly went out of control. The ropes that were wrapped around Molia burst into flames. Just before they could be burned, the men let go and jumped back. But they didn’t run away. 

Shivers ran over their bodies. Deep growls rumbled in their chests. Then the beasts burst forth. 

Strips of cloth that used to be shirts and pants flew through the air as the wolves landed on their paws. Over and over, they tried to get at Molia, who kept them at bay with her fists of fire. The witches, too, tried to close in around her, but lightning strikes stopped them each time they took a step. 

“This is exactly why the binding spell must take place!” the elder yelled over the wind. “It cannot be controlled!”

“I can control it!” Molia screamed back. 

The elder scanned the area as if pointing out the fires and mayhem that had been unleashed upon the village. People were screaming, running around to not get burned or to try and save what was left of their homes. 

Molia fell to her knees, her fire – both literally and figuratively – dying out. But still, a defiance shined in her eyes as she stared at the elder. “You will not have me,” she declared. Holding up her hand, she drew water out from the well nearby and willed it to freeze in the shape of a dagger. “But some day, I will have you.” 

Before she could be stopped, she plunged the dagger into her stomach. Water and blood mixed into the dirt as she fell down to her side. 

“NO!” 

You leapt forward as the vision dissolved away. Only Molia’s grip on your hand kept you from falling face first into the grass. 

“Its okay,” Molia comforted you, rubbing her cold hand up and down your back. “They buried me, but I’d ingested the vampire’s blood beforehand. I awoke the next night and started my immortal life.”

“How?” you asked breathlessly. “How could they do that to you?”

“Power does that to people.” Helping you down to your knees that were shaking violently, Molia adjusted so she was crouching in front of you. “Witches are the worst for it. They want to be the most powerful in the coven, the most powerful of supernatural creatures, whether they voice it or not. If anyone comes along that threatens that power, then they’ll do whatever they can to eliminate them.”

Your entire body was shaking now over what you had seen. “Th-the binding spell-”

“They’ve threatened you with it, too, haven’t they?”

You nodded, unable to confirm it out loud. 

“It’s their favorite threat,” Molia spat. “But I will never let that happen to you. As long as you stay with me, they’ll never touch you.”

“But Soomi-”

“(y/n).” With a wave of her hand, Molia took water from the grass around you and pooled in her hands. Under her breath, she whispered an incantation that you’d heard before but never had tried yourself. Divination was never a strong suit of yours, despite the visions in your head. 

In the surface of the water, you watched as Soomi observed you from around corners, a cell phone up to her ear and her lips moving quickly. The downside to this type of spell: no sound to know what was being said. She didn’t look wicked or scheming, like Tatia had, but you could still understand what was happening. The scene shifted to a meeting of the mothers and Soomi. The topic was a heated one – and you knew that it was centered around you. And your seemingly one defender sat there quietly, not speaking up once on your behalf. 

The image rippled away and Molia let the water slip through her fingers, back to the dying grass below. 

“They don’t care about us,” Molia said softly. “Those who plot against their own sisters don’t deserve to call themselves witches. They don’t deserve the gifts that have been given to them.”

You felt numb. You felt abandoned all over again. It seemed that was the theme of your life: abandonment and betrayal. 

As a child, your parents had given you up to be raised by the mothers; an old tradition that had died out long ago. But your family clung to the old ways, even sending your male cousin off to live with human relatives despite the fact that he showed signs of being gifted. They didn’t care that a child needed their parents. They tossed you away to be someone else’s problem. And you hadn’t heard from them in years. 

Now there was this. Why did everyone you leaned on step away? You could feel your fists tightening, nails biting into your skin at the tension. What you didn’t see was the triumphant smirk on Molia’s lips.

“What are you planning on doing?” you asked, looking up. 

“There’s something that we can do,” she replied cryptically. “It’s only on the blood moon that we have this ability, from what I’ve been able to discover. But I need you to keep an open mind.”

Closing your eyes, you said through gritted teeth, “Just tell me, Molia.”

“What are humans made of?” Molia laughed. “Mostly, anyway?”

You frowned, thinking back to the one human anatomy class you had long ago. “Water?” Your answer hung in the air until the obvious came to you. Snatching your hands away, you backed away. “You want to control people?”

“Not forever!” She reached for you again, but you dodged her hands. “Only long enough to show them that they can’t keep us down. I want you to take back your life. You could be head of the coven. We could be the ones who make the rules for once. Think about it, (y/n). Think about the things we could do if we were the ones in charge. For example: all the covens are divided. No one is willing to unite them. But maybe we could. We could start with yours and then another. Soon, the witches could be one again. And no one would have to fear their own powers. No one would be suppressed or scared.”

“But what you’re suggesting is exactly that.” Enforcing peace with violence was nothing but hypocritical. And you didn’t want to live your life that way. 

“It’s only temporary,” she insisted. “How many countries had to insight war to bring peace to their lands? To unite different tribes under one banner?”

That… ugh. You hated how she could make the most insane ideas sound logical. But she was right, wasn’t she? If you could really stop the infighting and bring the witches together, why would anyone need to worry? And you could make sure that no one was abandoned like you were. The more you thought about it, the more sense it made. Only one thing stopped you from fully saying yes. “Would some people get hurt?”

Molia stood up and looked down at you with soft eyes. A surprise given their permanent state. But you’d grown used to seeing kindness from such an extreme color. “(y/n), I will not turn you into a murder.”

You let out a breath of relief. 

“Good. It’s settled then. Tonight, at the height of the blood moon, we’ll face your coven and start our mission with one of success.” Her glee suddenly gave way to a more serious expression. “However, there is still something that could stand in our way.”

Pushing yourself up to your feet, you brushed the grass and dirt from your pants. “What do you mean?”

“Several years ago, your coven helped save one of the wolves’ mates. I’m sure you’re aware?” Molia waited for you to nod before continuing. “Since then, the pack has vowed to protect the coven in dire situations, should they need it. I’m afraid the pack might position themselves between us and the others.”

“I can’t do it then,” you said. “I can’t fight Sehun.”

“You still haven’t let him go?”

You scoffed, throwing your hands up in the air. “I couldn't if I wanted to. The mate connection doesn’t just go away. It’s always there, even if I didn’t want it.”

Molia scowled. “Even if? Think about it. Do you really want to be tied to a person like that? To someone that wouldn’t listen to you? Who said that they would have preferred for you to be human like the rest?”

You wanted to argue. You wanted to say, again, that he was right about it not being Mina and that he probably saved Dana a lot of pain and heartache. But your own hurt was growing. You couldn’t explain why, only that the more you thought about it, the more your heart cried out in despair. Why did you have to live with this? Why weren’t you given a choice?

“He betrayed your trust, dismissed you. What kind of a mate is that?”

“What’s the point?” You kicked at the ground. “There’s only one spell that can severe the bond and both parties have to be willing.” If you were actually able to get to that point, you knew you would crumble. Perhaps you were holding on to that small piece of hope. That maybe if he didn't want to let go of the bond, then maybe he’d still want you, witchiness and all.  

For the past couple of days, he’d haunted your thoughts. At night when you tried to sleep, he was there, lying next you and running his fingers down your face. He asked you to come back to him, to try again. But then you’d blink and he’d disappear in an uncatchable smoke. 

Was it just wishful thinking? Or maybe a seed of doubt about what you were doing here with Molia?

But then the sun rose and using your powers occupied your mind. Molia kept you focused, distracted almost. But you also felt the happiest, most relaxed, and confident that you’d ever felt in your whole life. And you didn’t want to give it up. 

That all too familiar look flashed in Molia’s eyes. It happened every time she was about to divulge a secret she found particularly alluring. 

“What if I told you there was another way to break the bond?

You shook your head. “That’s impossible.”

“Not for a vampire.”

[empathic-seer]

About

Name: Sheridan Dwyer

Age: 18(TWEWY), 21(Neo-TWEWY/Post Neo)

Height: 4’9/144 cm

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Questioning but identifies Bisexual

Occupation: Full-time College Student for Nursing, works part-time performing whatever jobs she can get for acting and voice acting. Keeping her eyes open for an opening at WildKat.

Biography:

I’d mostly prefer for the details to come out organically, but she lives in Shibuya to pursue Nursing school and has a tiny apartment all her own.

Her mother has suffered from chronic pain and other ailments since she was small but they’re super close, her biological father treats her like a child and tries to buy her love with money and video games and her mother’s now ex was severely emotionally and verbally abusive as well all the way until he was finally kicked out when she was 14.

Her mother has kept in some contact though she’s readying to cut him off completely and Sheridan still stiffens at the sound of his voice and can recognize him by his knock.

She’s always seen the UG, but she didn’t learn or see nearly as much as she does in Shibuya due to being from a smaller town in New York. It was mainly just Noise.

She was born at 1 pound 11 ounces and before the third trimester, leading to her nearly dying twice. According to her Mom, she had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, so she wasn’t getting any nutrients. After that scare, 3 days later her oxygen levels suddenly went down to single digits, to the point a priest was called in to give last rites. Once the cross was drawn on her forehead her oxygen levels shot up and haven’t come back down since.

Sheridan assumes this is why she can see the UG, though she has no idea why she was saved and it’s something she struggles with often.

Speaking of the Game; boy is she conflicted about it. She probably shouldn’t be, but she helps any Players she can if she catches them in a reaper decal store, warning them of approaching Noise and often putting herself at risk to help them find Partners to give them a fighting chance. She’s also known for interfering more directly by taking infective Noise onto herself. She can’t take seeing others in pain and would rather deal with the ensuing negativity than have another go through it.

So yeah. Oops. As far as her conflict with the Game itself, she loves the fact people get a second chance, and even understands entry fees and their purpose to help others grow. But the erasure part...that she struggles with. It takes a big emotional toll on her and she can’t grasp why it’s necessary as she doesn’t understand the inner-workings enough.

Thoughts on the Games:

The World Ends With You:

Speaking of the Game; boy is she conflicted about it. She probably shouldn’t be, but she helps any Players she can if she catches them in a reaper decal store, warning them of approaching Noise. She’s also known for interfering more directly by taking infective Noise onto herself. She can’t take seeing others in pain and would rather deal with the ensuing negativity than have another go through it. All the better if it helps out Players on the way.

So yeah. Oops. As far as her conflict with the Game itself, she loves the fact people get a second chance, and even understands entry fees and their purpose to help others grow. But the erasure part...that she struggles with. It takes a big emotional toll on her and she can’t grasp why it’s necessary as she doesn’t understand the inner-workings enough.

She recognizes she has a lot to learn, especially being only a bystander who mainly watches from the sidelines.

At the end of the Game, nimbly avoids wearing an O pin after seeing the effects from the Game, she hides out in high Imagination areas like Udagawa, the River and WildKat to feel safer. The conformity scares her, she’s always felt different but being alone in a sea of people with the same goal...she never wants to feel so isolated again.

Neo:

As far as Shiba’s Game...she does not like the change.

The UG she’d come to expect was turned completely on its head and it’s even worse.

She understood most of Joshua’s Game. The checks and balances set in place, Reapers and Players, entry fees...all of it save the erasure.

But now the erasures have increased with one team winning nonstop and all she can do is watch in horror as it happens. So many people...Erased without a thought week after week. It’s emotional torture for her as an Empath honestly. The horror, the fear, and then just...nothing.

The shifting energy is much darker than the conformity at the end of the original and she can tell something dangerous is happening, though she can’t grasp what.

Worries over the Wicked Twisters and keeps tabs on their emotions throughout the Game since they’re so much smaller than the other groups.

To say she was shocked when both Neku and Beat were in again was an understatement. She thought they’d escaped. There’s so much she doesn’t know but she watches even more intently when she can from then on.

Feels Shoka’s struggle and wants to help the girl escape the toxic influences surrounding her and get in a better environment.

Just wants everyone to be safe and healthy and for the suffocating air to be breathable again.

Tidbits:

Has always felt drawn to Shibuya River, and WildKat Cafe. There’s a...quiet. A calmness she never gets anywhere else. Particularly in the river. It’s just herself and her own emotions for once but even they feel muted there. Darker thoughts even if present is quieter, and become white noise in the wake of the sound of the river flowing.

Tends to loiter quietly and shyly steal glances at Hanekoma and Joshua if either is in the cafe but too intimidated to actually approach. Something feels...otherworldly about them. Her intuition can tell something is powerful about them so she’s always kept her distance despite feeling a pull towards both.

That goes the same for Hazuki as well, of course.

All Higher Plane beings in her experience mute her Empathy, though she isn't sure why. It's part of why she's so on edge around them, both wanting to be near and torn on approaching.

The library is another place you’ll find her, sequestering in a lone corner far from others and likely reading some supernatural romance aloud or working on a story.

Chronic fatigue is a bad side effect that’s pretty noticeable if she’s been giving too much of herself to others and letting herself be drained. In high school, she’d come home and have to nap for an hour or 3 depending on the day just to recover from the constant negativity she took on from all her “friends”. She still finds herself in that state pretty often, though not as bad nowadays as she’s trying to learn healthy boundaries.

Personality:

Sheridan is very openhearted and kind. Often way too trusting and forgiving for her own good despite having very good intuition. She’s very quick to inquire how others are but brushes off when asked about herself and quickly redirects. She’s very comfortable when it comes to taking care of others since she had a sick mom to take care of all throughout childhood. It’s instinct for her to see if anyone needs anything and she’s ended up flustered many a time by accidentally asking “are you ok?” or “do you need anything?” since if she drifts off or gets bored it’ll pop out sometimes after living with her mom for so long.

She’s also an Empath, meaning she feels what others do and experiences their emotions as her own. She tends to have her guard up a little, she doesn't want to accidentally get too much of someone unless they're ready to give it, but she also doesn't want to leave someone in crisis. She...has a bad habit of attracting people who use her as an emotion dumping ground and letting them stay way too long.

Sheridan feels like her whole purpose is to help others. Like it's all she's good for. She's really struggling to learn that selfish isn't a dirty word and that she's allowed to want things too and to get upset and that what she says is worth listening to.

Easy to think about, but hard to put into practice. She's learned when people ignore her or especially talk over her to quiet down. 'Clearly they just really need to talk right? I didn't have anything important to add anyway." Or so her thought process typically goes.

She tends to be shy at first but if given positive reinforcement and encouragement she’ll slowly warm up. She does best in intimate, small groups.

Seems like she doesn’t have a sense of humor but is actually pretty funny now and then. She just has to feel comfortable enough to crack jokes in the first place.

People tend to look at her in shock if she curses since when she’s first meeting people and in the warming up phase, she seems very polite, kind, and innocent to a fault.

Easily flustered, especially by teasing. Any person she’s even a little bit attracted to she’ll likely be at least a little pink, fidgety and sheepish. It doesn’t take much either. Corner her, pin her, or even just direct eye contact could be enough to make her go red. She’s hopeless in that regard since she’s very inexperienced.

Severely touch starved but way too scared of rejection to initiate or confess as much so she just kinda suffers in silence.

An easy crier. Cries at the drop of a hat. Even when angry, she cries because no matter what she’s hurting to be angry at all given it’s typically very rare for her to begin with. Feeling what everyone around her does has led to her being a every emotional person in her own right.

Hobbies:

Enjoys acting and performing more than anything, even though she’s yet to be cast as a lead or anything major except in her theatre final, where she got to play Doris from Fame. One of her favorite roles. She loved participating in high school at her musical theatre program and did stage crew all the way up to 11th grade when she finally made it in and got to be in first the ensemble and then lead ensemble the following year. She often gets typecast as the “cute one” or child roles thanks to being 4’9 and being very accommodating and kind.

Somewhat hand in hand with acting and performing, but singing. Gets stage fright occasionally but is able to push through it.

Reading body language is something else she finds very fun, but she never voices it without explicit consent. She likes to people-watch in Shibuya and guess their lives inwardly to keep herself fresh.

Plays video games very often, especially RPGs as well as reading to escape her troubles. It’s a great way to combat loneliness and also not think for a while, to lose herself in another world.

Writes as well, to vent her negative thoughts. Typically through a fanfiction blog for x reader fandom and kpop content in 2nd person. A bit shy about voicing it though. Has original ideas and has started a book but trying to build her own world and the magic system has proven a bit difficult.

Reading supernatural romance novels. Her favorite genre since the worlds and characters are typically very immersive and serve as great escape potential. Loves to find a corner, make sure she's completely alone, and voice act the characters as she reads. Y'know, like a nerd.

Likes to bake, especially different types of cookies. It’s a great stress reliever. She has several video game recipes she wants to try to learn though. Particularly the butterscotch cinnamon pie from Undertale and sea-salt ice cream from Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days.

Binging guilty pleasure shows. Loves laughing at trashy reverse harems with friends like Diabolik Lovers to both appreciate the hotness of the designs and voice acting and also how awful the characters are as people. Doesn’t mind thirsting over toxic vampires, but obviously only in fiction.

Anxiety:

Mental Health: Not great, though most likely wouldn't guess so. She'd much rather help others, see what they need than have them focus on her. She's very much not used to that and doesn't know how to react.

(Important Note! Please do NOT feel pressured to include anything below in our rp and if you ever need a specific thing added as a trigger tag do let me know! My Trigger tag format is Trigger; ______ if you need to block any! I'm open to it of course, given I included them in my form I just want to make sure everyone I roleplay with has the tools to tailor the experience to them and feel secure.

If I want to start a thread or anything about the issues below I will likely message the Mun in advance first for permission first unless they've stated they're explicitly fine with such content and apologies in advance if I'm awkward when reaching out.)

She tends to have panic attacks thanks to severe arachnophobia and it can take her a solid hour to work up the courage to try and kill one, typically while she's crying and whimpering to herself to "breathe Sheridan, that's it breathe…"

She tends to get bouts of social anxiety. When she's acting it's fine because she's not her, and the same for if she's in an intimate group.

But especially if someone starts yelling at her? She'll likely freeze and then look to run away before the person sees her crying. She can't stop shaking and can barely breathe. It's awful and a huge trigger for her. Even if it's not directed at her she'll still panic.

Also suffers from driver’s anxiety. Still only has her permit since she hasn’t found anyone who can put her at ease enough and that she wouldn’t be embarrassed to break down with.

Asperger's Syndrome/Autism Spectrum Disorder:

High functioning but a big person to hyper-fixate and jump from one fixation to another especially when in a bad headspace. Can become obsessed and may need to be gently pulled back/ forced outside.

Stims, mainly physically. Squirms before sleep mainly because her brain won't shut off.

Soft/smooth stims are her favorite anxiety soothers.

Has a rainbow bear with purple eyes she's had since childhood that is a stim she uses to calm from panic.

Clutches her necklace; an Undertale plaque that reads in white text '*a determined soul' and has the rainbow SOUL hearts above it. Uses it as a source of strength.

Bounces her leg when she can but has mainly learned to force herself to stop.

Only does this one when not around her mom since both share the same stim and her Mom said it made her nauseous.

Depression:

Frequent intrusive negative thought spirals and suicidal ideation. Thoughts of self-harm, in a similar vein, though she’d never act on it.

Unfortunately, knowing they’re irrational doesn’t stop the thoughts from happening way too often for her liking.

Her becoming overwhelmed by her emotions and breaking down for 3 hours is commonplace, as is her ghosting for way too long. A bad habit because she doesn't want to burden anyone when she’s not even able to be there for them.

Basically, if she isn’t serving others she feels she shouldn’t exist at all but she’s trying to understand she has worth all on her own.

Eating Issues:

Body dysmorphia with her weight. She tends to not eat often and even if urged she hates that she has to force herself and typically puts herself down which can lead to a spiral if she’s not careful.

Sometimes she's fine. But even when "fine" she'll typically have something small like a muffin, and a 1/4 of dinner and that's all she'll eat.

She snacks because she doesn't have to think when she eats it if she's distracted. Things like popcorn, pocky, or pretzels are her go-to's.

Kind of wants someone to be able to care enough to notice inwardly and maybe text her to see when and what she's last eaten but doesn't ever want to emotionally dump like others do to her because she doesn't want to be a burden or pitied.

CPTSD:

She had her first emotion flashback recently having to do with her abuser and has been shaken ever since, trying to deal with it on her own. Yelling is a trigger for her, especially when paired with degradation.

Forced "civility" as well.

There was a period while her mother was unaware of the extent of the abuse given Sheridan was still trying to protect her. Over the course of 3 years nothing but good night and good morning, passive-aggressive and snide comments of "aren't you going to say hi/bye/thank you/your welcome?" anytime she was too crippled by anxiety/fear to look at him, let alone speak was the norm.

Relationships:

None yet! Just let me know if anyone wants to be added and I’ll happily do so! <3

[xmysteryx]

So.. I'm kind of afraid to put the "ref sheet" of my two oc's River and Alex here. But, I guess here I go:

I'm aware of the flaws, I'm aware many people won't like them. I still took the chance to at least show them here. I'm sorry, Tumblr, I know you won't like them..

I guess I should give info on who they are a little so it makes more sense.

Alex is a human with some odd issues. He's a serial killer, but not the type who kill innocents. He only kills people who have "sinned" in his eyes. He's generally very quiet, he doesn't talk much unless he knows or trusts you. He can also be a bit of a dick, but that's until he starts to trust you. Problem is, he has trust issues, so that isn't easy for him. He's also a bit unhinged, so he likes to experiment with the people he kills by mutilating them, or using old torture methods and seeing how long he can keep them alive for. Don't worry, his victims deserve it. Something important that he did once is that he ended up injecting himself with some of River's blood, but changed a little to not kill him, and ended up making him kind of a partial demon. So, now he has some odd abilities. He has enhanced strength, better night-vision, and the ability to see creatures hiding in the shadows. His eyes also glow in the dark, and he can live for around 200 years.

Since I don't know what else to say since I probably should've put this all on an actual ref-sheet, I'm gonna move onto River.

River's half-shadow demom, giving her some odd abilities. Those abilities include the ability to walk/travel through shadows, she has a full demon form she can turn into at will, and can unwillingly turn into if she's feeling a strong negative emotion such as anger, or sadness. She has the ability to hear heartbeats, and sense strong emotions. She can also tell if someone's evil or good by feeling their presence. She's very kind, sweet, and overly trusting. All of which have gotten her into some pretty awful situations. Though, they've also saved her a few times in the long run.

To add onto Alex turning himself into a partial-demon-like human, she actually made him do it. The reason she made him do it was because, Alex once tried proposing to her, but she turned him down. He asked if they were over, and she explained that she couldn't be with someone who was just gonna die on her within the next 100 years. So, they took some of her blood, messed with it a bit, and injected him with it so that he would live for as long as her so they could be together. Yes, they're engaged.

One last thing I should mention; Kaylen is Alex's little sister, and she lives with the two.

I think I went on for too long, sorry..

That's it, I'm sorry if none of this makes any sense, I'm aware that this is all very stupid, and I should've never posted anything about them here. I guess I'll clarify things in another post in the future. But that's all I'm gonna say right now.

I'm sorry... bye :')

[dsmamedits]

LETTER-TO-C

June 10, 2020

Dear C,

I stopped calling you sweetie because I felt that things were lacking between us that we were growing apart. Doubt grew between us. I know when someone is lying to me or at least doesn't tell me the whole truth. I just know. It's just like how we both have a feeling when we'll message each other. It's an instinct instilled in us. I know you hide things for my sake because you did say that white lies are okay as long as it won't hurt the other person but for me lies are lies even if you say they are white lies because white lies are lies that hide things from someone but nothing can stay hidden, the truth will be set free. And once it is free and it's been proven that one wasn't transparent it will hurt more to the person who was kept in the dark. People are not weak, you don't need to lie to them to protect their feelings. Especially me, I'm stronger than you think. I can face anything. I'm stronger knowing there are people who have my back and love me. Isnt that how it's supposed to be?

There are things I can't let go of. I dont want a relationship built on Lies, doubt, dishonesty and no transparency. I may say things that hurt. I may have a cold heart. But it was all to protect you from more trauma and hurt and to protect myself. I know I too have things I still have left unsaid, I want to tell you but there's always something stopping me.

My reaction is a reflection of anothers treatment to me. I've seen relationships and I've experienced my own set of tribulations and I'm sure you have too. Im not insensitive, quite the opposite, You started to not care as much. The doubt grew when you didn't want to open up to me, you would usually tell me about your day the first few weeks of getting to know each other and then you didn't open up as much. I know you're usually detailed when talking about something you're passionate about but that stopped. I had to ask instead of you naturally telling me... That's alright because that helped me be more inquisitive and curious about others. But that was one change. When I told you about it you tried opening up more but I dont like telling people what they should know already. What should have come naturally if you really respected me and my feelings.

I don't like how you made a big deal about my virginity and blamed me for it how I could have prevented it and called me naive and simply didn't understand why it happened and insisted it was my fault. You should have let me go then when I was asking for it. For you to question my situation when you've slept around with other women was an unfair way of taking it out on me. I didn't bring that up anymore because you said you didn't want to say things that I could hold against you. But I'm bringing it up here so I can finally let it go and show you how unfair your way of thinking was.

I know my reactions could have been more lax but when you care about someone when you feel pain you may react the way I did. This is the first time I ever cared about somone to the point I would get mad because I was hurt. I know I could've dealt with this more calmly. This was my first time experiencing this much pain and hurt. I didn't know what to do. If I knew I would've known how to deal with it. With you. You made me fall in love with you and you decide to get sick of me after everything I've shared with you. Way to show me I'm not worth it. Not worth the trouble especially knowing my background. Thanks a lot.

You shut down in front of me. Didn't come after me. Didn't hug me and tell me everything is alright. And you didn't let me see anything. You deleted everything instead of showing me. You hid something from me. I'm not stupid but you kept making me feel stupid and I wanted to ignore everything and accept what you said but if you think about it.... Why would she call you just because you had that sickness before. You're not a doctor. And why would she call you several times. I know you wanted to protect all the women you dated. But I wouldn't care about them if you showed me you cared about me more. You protected them. You hid things from me. When I asked you again why you didn't add me on fb, do you remember what you said? You said, why do I need to add you on fb. In an irritated voice. I got scared and embarrassed. So I shut up and didn't insist on it. But I've always wanted to tell you. I can take care of myself. If anybody tries to bully me I have you. If you can't save me from your exes I have me. And if they try to ruin my reputation so what it's not the truth because the truth was that you and I were dating and you were no longer with them. So tell me, what was I supposed to be afraid of? Could you not have protected me? Why were you so adamant about keeping me out of your fb if it was just something you used. Why did you hide things from me. Did you not trust me?

I need a strong man to be beside me through thick and thin to prove to me that I'm worth loving no matter how imperfect I am and to help me get through it by offering something more tangible and helpful instead of telling me to handle my emotions more. Making me feel like I'm to blame for everything being ruined because I overthink about the things I can't make sense of because YOU wouldn't give me details when YOU used to be so detailed about everything!

I'd rather have someone be honest with me with the truth instead of hurt me with lies out of kindness. That is not kindness that is something that will eventually cause pain. Nobody's perfect and I understand that, that's why I gave you chances and you gave me chances but time and time again you made me doubt you. And all I could do was blame myself because I knew things could have been better.

Remember when we didn't go out for valentines? I didn't mind until you said you went out to dinner with your ex during valentine's before. I felt less important... then you said you needed to be with hero that day....I understood that but I felt you were defensive because I already knew that and you said it in a way like "dont be unreasonable", I kept quiet because I didn't want to make a big deal out if it but if you really wanted to spend it with me even just a few hours you would have. There are times when you pick hero up late. But that day I wondered why were you acting that way. We were just starting and I wanted to let it go because I didn't want to sound petty and it didn't help when you said you felt guilty and couldnt explain why, as if you were hiding something. If you really wanted too you would have put an effort. But you didn't. And now that time is gone forever.

I didn't want to keep silent because this might help you understand women more. If you think loving and showing a girl effort is just by feeding them, picking them up and saying words of I love you and making love with them, anybody could do that. If our roles were switched I'd be happy to do all that for you knowing it would make life easier for you. I bet thats how you felt too when you picked me up. Like you said that's what I deserved. But effort is more then that. Time is the most important factor for me. And you were willing to give it to me. You were gonna spare two days to be able to see me while juggling your work and life. I appreciated that...

I always came back when you asked me too and that was because I liked, loved, and cared about you. It annoyed me when you could see through me, when you took my seperation fits as jokes and said I just missed you. That was truer than true. I missed you so much and I was going crazy without you and surrounded by the negativity of everything. I started becoming obsessed with you because I had nothing better to do. You were my whole world. But you were becoming busier and I felt like I was neglected. I knew you were busy and you were trying to find time for me amidst your busy schedule. This is where I lack, communication, being honest about what I want to say. Instead of just telling you what I want from you I just become quiet and keep it inside because I dont want to be insufferable and a bother. But I ended up becoming one... I guess it ended up that way in the end. I remember the time we first met, how you accepted me for my messy past and got mad for me. I see things through rose coloured glasses. Everyone is kind, everyone has a reason for what they do. There is a story on how that person became the way they were. I didn't want to accept the grey and dark parts of the world.

I remember you telling me not to meet the guy in rockwell, I remember we watched the joker and we ate at the burger place, I remember watching in festival cell number 7 filipino version and we walked a lot, I remember going to your roof top and how beautiful and peaceful it was. I remember staying at your place and eating out at different places. I remember the first time we took edsa going to your place and how there were so many busses and I thought to myself, if we could get to your place faster by using this route so I could spend more time hugging you I don't mind taking this route all the time, I remember eating at that vintage burger place. I remember the wings and burger and raspberry juice. I remember that other burger wings place with a huge garage and how a truck passed by and you introduced me as your girlfriend, I was surprised coz you didn't ask me yet but it made me happy but also confused, was this how relationships worked? I remember walking by the river near your place and how I wanted to walk more but I was so tired and I wanted to go to the place you wanted to show me but fatigue got to me. I remember when we were at cloud 9 and I pretended to be not scared of how high up we were while on the bridge and you were acting cute behind me and I just wanted to bite and pinch you. And also punch you because I was getting more scared coz you kept making kulit. I remember how fun it was going home.

I also remember how the next time we rode the motorbike together you were a bit cold. You didn't like me hugging you and said you were having a hard time but usually you would laugh and say you liked it. Also you said you didn't like it when I was putting your shirt up and I thought you did because when we were going from cloud 9 you were laughing it off.

I remember how you got so red when you drank and fell asleep. I remember there was the one time where we did it and it was the most ecstacy I've ever felt, but when I found out the sad things, like how you were still talking to your ex and how you felt like you were distancing yourself from me, making love and loving you started to hurt.

I remember how you changed to letting me bite you when I told you that you got mad when I bit you. I remember taking lots of pictures of us together and of you when we went to the national museum and how paranoid i was about COVID19. I liked seeing you so serious looking around and hiding from you every now and then. One of my fave memories was when we went to celebrate my bday and how much fun it was to watch you sing for me. How we both could just let loose in each other's company. I remember eating at an open ventilated space in Makati with beautiful lighting and how you couldn't eat properly becasue you were having a stomach ache. I remember the time we were in jolibee and you told me about your mom and what she went through and the reason why you came back and how weak she became and how you teared up. You were beautiful.

I'm sorry I let my overthinking cloud the beautiful memories we made. I'm sorry I couldn't show you how much I loved you. I'm sorry I was mean and hurtful to you. I'm sorry that I wasnt enough. I'm sorry for being toxic. I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you wanted to be loved. I hope you find someone who can love you the way I know you deserve to be loved. We're both too hurt to mend things. Sometimes something broken can't be put together and it's best to carry the broken pieces, glue it together with someone else to create something even better and unique. This is the closure I can offer. I know you've chosen a better path and i can only hope we both find the happiness we deserve. I can't help but blame myself because I know I pushed you to the limit. You got tired of trying because you thought that I was mean and confusing. Because I was toxic and I knew that, that's why I chose this path.

I wanted to let you know how I felt not for you but for my peace of mind.

#bittersweetmemories #loveletter #painfulmemories #youth #confused #distraught #sadness #ending&partings #THEEND

[mirovoi1]

Five Days with No Shoes – An Experiment in Restructuring the Subconscious View the World

I Am Getting My Socks Dirty!

For the past few days here in Bangkok, Thailand, I have been continuing my experiment of going about daily life with no shoes on – in fact, just in white socks. During the first couple of days, I kept it slightly more low-key, a bit of testing the waters, like a timid cat checking out its environment, just wandering around the area where I am staying, to get food, something to drink, or buy something at 7Eleven. The area is known as Khaosan Road, a backpacker’s haven, where there are a couple of streets loaded with everything the weary or tempted tourist might want. There are bars, cafés, parks, temples, and plenty of people and street-side action to get involved with at almost any time of the day and night. To anyone who knows, this travelers’ hub tends to attract and keep a number of the more ‘unique’ travelers that easily intermingle amongst the more common-looking tourists, and it is rather common to see the more endearing styles of fashion – tattoos, piercings, hairstyles, and the occasional bare-footer. Although the ones sporting bare feet often tend to be hippies, drunk people, or locals that, by the looks of them, tend to be poorer or less of the sane type. I am in none of those categories, I hope. I’m just one of the normal people on the street, but just happens to be in his white socks.

Why Do Such A Thing?

I’m doing this experiment for a number of reasons. A colleague and I are putting together a roughly twenty-minute video of the experiment with a short and simple discussion related to our work in the fields of education, psychology and therapy. This talk is mainly focused towards Chinese people (it is in Chinese) on the topic of pushing your psychological boundaries and acceptance of being different from the crowd. Understanding the psychology of a person cannot be done solely by observation or on paper, so getting to the core of many of the psychological and habitual issues needs to experienced first-hand. Many of our students (both teenage and particularly adults, including student’s parents) tend to often struggle with the acceptance of being different from the crowd and suffer from excuses that avoid the root of their difficulties. To us, as teachers, this psychological state needs to be pushed at and prodded at for the sake of expanding our understanding of their experience. So, I jumped right into this experiment, and as a result, I have gotten more out of it than I ever expected. My internal world has expanded. A few of the ideas, observations and thoughts from the process will be shared in this essay. Who would know that my pairs of white socks would open up a new world to me?

1. Why Does Our Sense of Self Have to Be So Strong?

Fear, nervousness and excitement tend to be confused by the brain as they all stimulate the same biological reactions, such as speeding up the heart rate. It is possible for the brain to confuse what it is actually experiencing. When an emotion of, perhaps, nervousness (activated by the brain telling you that you are different from the others) fear kicks in and the brain looks for things it perceives as ‘threats’. In my case, while being in socks in public, these ‘threats’ tended more likely to be people who might easily notice me; like people walking towards me or people sitting idly by that could possibly make some noticeable sort of remark. It would be these types of perceived ‘threats’ that I would find myself naturally trying to avoid eye contact with or maybe even subconsciously try to change my walking path to avoid ‘confrontation’. People that tended to be busy with their own affairs gave me no concerns at all. There also tended to be differences in perception between people you tend to associate more closely with; whether you know them or not, or would you ever see them again (i.e., the guesthouse staff that see you coming in and out each day without shoes on) - this tended to give me a stronger reaction. Similarly, stronger reactions were evoked from people I either genetically or culturally identified more with – i.e., different genders, ethnicities and age groups. These psychological reactions tended to be based on solely what people could possibly think of me and the strength of the reaction depended on these factors. It is not that I really minded, because walking in socks is far from the end of the world, but I was observing my brain tending to be more active when it was trying to figure out my best life strategies in unfamiliar situations. Questions such as who would I most likely get approval from, who would mostly would stare or give me a negative reaction, who would I bring embarrassment to… these questions fill the brain as it is terrified of being ostracized by the group. Walking the streets in white socks could possibly be enough to make you a laughing stock. That’s a terrifying feeling for a person, no matter what form it comes in. So that is something that needed to be understood, looked at and conquered. I mean, it is my brain’s job to keep me safe and alive (and being part of the group is vital for survival), but it’s my job to keep my brain in check!

During the next couple of days, I started venturing a bit further away from Khaosan Road as I began to feel less and less self-conscious. I then found myself at a Thammasat University having lunch by the river side. My socks tended to still be bright white on the tops, but had black footprints on the bottoms. Sometimes I started thinking that the dirtier they were the more natural it looked. I don’t know what to make of that – maybe it was more acceptance of the state of them. I enjoyed my time there. I walked back with an ice-coffee I bought from a street stall and sat in the park for a couple of hours pondering over the situation. My colleague and I had filmed a part of it to put into the video. The real importance comes down to not just the action of walking shoeless, but the following mental reflection over the what happened during the experience to make sure the brain understands what it is actually seeing and doing as it experiences and reacts to all this new stuff. This is all the brain’s doings, none of it is orchestrated by me. This goes for any situation in life really, but this process is often overlooked, as we move on to the next task ahead. Instead, I walked along the hot sticky street to a park further along the riverside where I laid down in a shady patch of grass under a massive twisted tropical tree and let everything sink in. The brain is automatically doing a lot of stuff I am not even aware of nor wanting to permit it to do, but it is more up to me to to understand that and learn to control what is going on instead. Skills like that should get me higher places than a good pair of sturdy hiking boots could ever. It seems my socks just may hold some magic.

2. Happily Hiding Behind Excuses

Oh, we humans know how to hide. While walking around the streets, into stores, happily soaking up the Bangkok atmosphere, I found myself hiding behind excuses for being shoeless. Despite my body (and bright white socks) being physically exposed for the world to see, but in my mind, I was aiming at quelling the inner dragon of self-consciousness. I thought I had more of a reason, for anyone who may look at me, to be shoeless in the late afternoon than the morning – maybe I had walked a long way and I had blisters, maybe my shoes broke, maybe I was hot? In the morning, by contrast, it just more looked like the guy couldn’t be bothered putting on his shoes. So, I went out in the morning too, not just using the heat as an excuse, or hiding behind the darkness of night. Having a small backpack with me was a good way to hide too. Could this guy be suffering from any of the above situations, and obviously his shoes are in his bag, the random passer-by would think. So, when I could, I would try go out empty-handed where possible. The only pity is I quite like to carry a small backpack with my camera for a bit of photography, and a bottle of water in it. I found taking off my glasses was another good way to not be able to see if people were staring or not, making me feel like I was more in my own world – listening to music could have the same effect. So, I kept the glasses on, and music off. I’d go with my coworker who was in bare feet, that felt more easier as there was the distraction of chatter and dialog about the experiment to hide behind. Going out alone would up the ante, put on a bit more stress, so I made sure to do this too. These are the tactics the brain employs to reason with myself as why to be shoeless. I mean what if someone asks where my shoes are, I could stumble and think of lies, but that won’t get anyone to paradise. All this led me to have to accept the most root of the issue. I am just the guy who is out in his socks. No hiding and denying the fundamental truth behind the situation. Dress the way you like, stand up straight, put yourself into a confident physical position, tell yourself ‘you are just the guy who wears his socks’. Be ready to give sincere eye-contact with whoever you encounter, engage in conversation if anyone asks and just walk on forward. That solved half of the issues.

By the third day, after having had more and more physical practice of being out and about in my white socks, plus plenty of mental exploration and conversation regarding many aspects of the experience, things started feeling more natural. My mind was changing towards self-acceptance and encouragement towards such a lifestyle of endeavor, discovery and self-growth. By this time, I found myself hopping into a taxi one evening to go to MBK center shopping mall. I was planning to leave for India the next day, so wanted to buy a couple of bits and pieces. I spent about two hours in the mall; the bottoms of my socks were rather dirty, but the whole time I was possibly even more relaxed than I would have been if I were in shoes. I am not really a fan of malls, but I found that I was more in a peaceful world of my own more so than a noisy mall of shoppers. I came back via tuk-tuk and wandered back to my guesthouse through the busy bar district of Khaosan. It was if it were any normal day.

3. Tackling the Bull in the Cage

It is the only way to address the issue and gain something true from your endeavors. If you carry yourself confidently, who can belittle you? If you accept the truth, who can deny it? The thing is, the world is like a mirror, if you don’t care, the world doesn’t care either. The world reflects back what is in your mind and in your heart. When I was subconsciously unaware of the fact I was in a busy shopping mall in my socks, to me, it seemed that the whole world was unaware of it. When I was stressed or uncomfortable, then it felt like the world was glaring at me. The subconscious mind brought out all sorts of perceived threats. The mind needs to be trained in order to live out the life you want to live. I have to admit, sometimes it felt weird having my coworker take photos of me while in socks in some public space somewhere with people all around, but you just have to tell yourself: “I accept everything that comes with this.” Maybe no one even saw, or maybe someone did see and probably forgot about it within three seconds. If they do remember it would be because they thought it was cool. Others are welcome to do whatever they want with their observations. But, remember, the noise is inside you.

By the fourth day, I had decided that I was too much invested into this project and to run off to India prematurely wouldn’t be the best choice. I wanted to continue a bit, and I wanted to put the video together (although it was my coworker who mainly took control of that part), and I wanted to write this down. Environment is utmost, and while I am still in this environment, I am more likely to order my ideas in a clearer way. I imagine the smell of curries and sounds of horns in the streets of Bangalore will take my mind away to other places. When you’re focused and enjoying something productive you should stride to stay in that state. Change (or disruption) to an environment is unsettling for a person, and I know this well as that is where my general main work’s focus lies – travel-related education, psychology and therapy. I happened to go to MBK once again, of course in my socks, and wandered the streets nearby and came back by public bus. Over the last day or two before leaving for India, I didn’t plan on any such sock-walks, didn’t aim for any such mental or physical stimulation, but instead, just a quiet calm mood to weather away the hot afternoons and get this writing done. But I realized by habit, I still went out in my socks for a morning coffee and 7eleven for bottles of water, and even out for dinner. It had become a new sort of comfort zone. No one likes the feeling of retraction, so maybe just now putting on shoes, feels a little like that. I actually really like who I am when I am out in my socks. I love the mental stimulation and feeling of freedom. Having seen the videos of myself out and about, I tend to think, under the circumstances, I looked rather confident and natural. I liked the way I looked and even more so, how I felt. The self-affirmation of something is almost more crucial than the actual activity itself.

4. Setting Things Straight

The truth is, walking around a city in a pair of white socks isn’t the epitome of difficulty in this world. To some it would be easy, and to others, mortifying. Depends on you, your previous experiences and interests. The thing is, when confronting your fears, or looking to expand you comfort zone, you need to not only delve directly into them, but you may also need to confirm to yourself the existence of even more difficult things to compare them with. You may even need to actively seek out such things. Things are only small when compared with something bigger, as the Earth is big travelling by bus, but tiny when compared with the universe. So, sometimes to aim at something you perceive as ‘big’ or ‘difficult’, then you may need to not only hack slowly towards its direction, but also hack backwards to reduce the perceived size of it. There, that is something a bit more complicated to contemplate. ha!

You may notice a theme here in that nowhere mentioned was any negative situations being mentioned. That is because during the five-day experiment, there were never any such occurrences. There are many nationalities around Khaosan, and never received a difficulty from anyone. I noticed people occasionally looked. I would also emphasize the word ‘looked’, and not ‘stared’. But on the contrary, I need to mention that no matter what you’re wearing or doing people do look. Yes, I noticed people occasionally still looked while I was wearing flip-flops. People have eyes after all, and they need to set their vision on something, so that’s forgivable. Maybe I just have nice (although hairy) legs? Ha-ha. But, maybe it is something more than that. Maybe it is something about the Thai people and the atmosphere they have created to be inclusive, tolerant and open-minded. To expand on this topic, I will need to keep up my white sock-walking activities across other parts of the world in order to work towards the core of such assumptions.

What Can Thai Attitude Offer The World?

However, the Thai people’s attitude towards life is rather healthy. It seems to be that if something does not harm anyone, then it is not really worth worrying about. That is a fair take on life. I noticed on the rare occasion when someone did not know what to make of me being in my socks, then substitute was a smile or laughter. That takes you back to the ‘world being a mirror’ philosophy; if you are self-conscious or flustered under a circumstance a laugh can be perceived as a snigger or an intrusion. When your soul and mind are calm, a laugh could be perceived as a friendly sign of acceptance or interest. It seems the Thais are slower in their reactions and judgements, allowing themselves sufficient time for a reasonable and proper response to ensue. I like the fact they are natural and thoughtful in their responses, something obviously passed down through their Buddhist faith. I would say, as a whole, I got a more neutral to positive reception anywhere I went in my socks. The interesting thing is, that is the same Thai reception I have received anywhere under almost any circumstance - with shoes on or off. But of course, there would be places you wouldn’t want to go in your socks, just as you wouldn’t swim in the sea or go to bed while wearing your shoes. Well, you can do that and why not if that is what you want - who are we to judge? But, it seems here in Thailand, if you are reasonable in your attitude and polite in your behavior, the Thais will treat you with the same respect. Hats off (or shoes off) to the Thais for that. We can all learn a lot from them.

Your Growth Is Your Offering To The World

It is also your own responsibility to work at expanding your comfort zone. There is not a single soul that does not want to become a bigger and better version of themselves. Explore and grow; that what souls do. It is your job to dig out what it needs and how to go about it. Sock-walking is just my own personal way, among others. But I also find it necessary that people take on such things. It is quite funny to know that all along during the beginning of the experiment, my brain was constantly doing all it could to help me avoid being ostracized by other humans. It was working to keep me surviving in optimal fashion. However, on the flipside, being the same as everyone does not necessarily get you anywhere at all. The ‘herd mentality’ is not lauded; it is not held in high regard. In fact, it is the opposite. I would believe that my getting out in my white socks is a rather positive thing in many people’s perceptions. I could see it and feel that at times. Maybe someone else just happened to think a little thought such as, ‘yeah, why not.’ Being a bit different reaffirms in others’ minds that possibilities exist. It is like the idea of recycling or reducing plastic use; you only really get the idea of when you are reminded of it, or see others taking part in it. My experiment probably does far better for the world that one would imagine.

My Unexpected Gains

I actually feel I have been through a type of therapy myself. I feel energetic. I had to make a quick phone call to an elderly neighbor in China, and she mentioned the change in my tone of voice. I was quite astonished when she said I sounded younger. My eyes feel bright. The flame in my soul feels steady. Making the video and seeing myself in it looking confident and actually liking the look of it, made me feel rather positive about myself. I feel mentally light. Maybe it’s because of Thailand itself and the abundance of sunshine. Maybe it is just because of finishing a two-week work project to Nepal with a group of my students. Maybe I am feeling a natural change towards a new segment of growth in my field. Or maybe I am feeling physically light because of having walked without shoes as you begin to tread more lightly and carefully; you are more concentrated and focused on your steps more than usual (the Buddhist monks tend to go barefoot). Maybe it all had a meditative effect, or maybe it was a boost of energy from the beneath the Earth, something like the opposite of how you soak up vitamin D from the sun above. Maybe it was the psychological pushing and prodding of my internal world. Maybe it was the instinctual need for physical stimulation of the body. Maybe it was sensual stimulation of the mind and feet. Maybe it was all of it together that reenergized my body, mind and soul. Maybe it was a bit of everything. I don’t know yet. But I feel I have given myself some psychological and perceptual reorganizing. Maybe it has been a Thai Massage-like internal workout for the body and mind.

An Experiment in Restructuring the Mind

However way, when you throw yourself into the deep end for an experiment in self-growth, it is not always easy and does take some courage and effort. And, so it should. Everything worthwhile always involves an element of difficulty. Why should one be rewarded without having put in any work anyway? Personally, I am very satisfied with this experiment and it has been an interesting, fun and valuable experience and I am sure I will enjoy the benefits of it for a long time to come. I will probably try to keep up with the occasional sock-walk when and where possible, and will aim at attempting the experiment again in other parts of the world. So, if next time you see a guy out in his white socks, it just might be me. Cheers! J

Note:

Yes, I got several pairs of socks dirty. They washed up well when hand washed in the shower. I got zero holes in them. I received zero cuts or injuries from being out shoeless during these five days.

[seangetfreaky]

The Bereft is a great conclusion to the first trilogy in the Tradepoint Saga by J.J. Blacklocke! Gredin learns the meaning of sacrifice, and fights her former mentor to keep her position as head of the Vennan survivors.

As Tradepoint’s Director, Wyve has to obey his government’s commands, even if it means pressuring his Vennan friend, Burlon te Laith, to undertake a risky journey to Sprygale. If Burlon refuses to satisfy the government’s demand for geddel crystals, the Vennans risk expulsion from their haven on Tradepoint.

Agreeing to Travel the River to Sprygale to bring back geddel crystals will put Burlon on a collision course with Gredin’s edict against any Vennan Traveler leaving Tradepoint, but what choice does he have, if he wants to keep everyone safe?

A third of the Vennan survivors are ill, struggling to retain the gyftes that keep them sane… and one of those afflicted is Gredin. She puts up a bold front, hiding her weakness from friend and foe. But if Burlon openly defies her by leaving Tradepoint, Gredin’s hold over the Vennan community might crumble.

With an old rival eager to reclaim control.

My rating: 5⭐

Page count: 375

One thing that I’ve enjoyed in all three books is the careful explanations that occur between characters. The reader is never left out of the loop. There have been full chapters (which are never short) where all that occurs is a single long conversation. Like the first two books, every conversation, thought, and movement has a purpose (for the most part). Again, each individual’s struggle is highlighted.

The pacing was really good and made for an easy read; steady, with some ‘down time’ between explosive, high-energy moments. There were plenty of times where my heart was racing and I just couldn’t read fast enough! Blacklocke has this way of writing that really drew me in. I easily became attached to the characters, but I also continued to be attached to them right to the end of the series. I rooted for them, I sympathized with them, I shared their feelings in emotional moments, and that’s a huge part of the reading experience for me personally!

Some minor plot points from the previous books – such as obtaining more food, the geddel crystal sources, and the soured relationship with the Hesch – became the focus of the book. Other minor points, including growing their population and the inner workings of Vennans’ bodies, were brought up as well. I wish the latter had been expanded on more.

I was delighted to find that Gredin and the Hesch interacted more, considering how little the Hesch appeared in the previous book. Another race was introduced in the second half, though it was a surface-level introduction. Each race is so unique, with their different cultures and traditions.

I really enjoyed Gredin as a character in this final book. She had some great character development. She was still coming to terms with her role as First Speaker and leader of the Vennan community. Her unwillingness to fight back against Tetralanna served her poorly in the last book, but she really stepped up in this one. She went from overly cautious to taking necessary – and even unnecessary – risks that paid off in the end. There was one point where I think she actually took it too far, but otherwise, it served her well.

After taking Khest as her alliance partner, she still wasn’t entirely comfortable with being intimate with someone who wasn’t her Chosen. The time that Khest spent to help her relax and get more comfortable before actually sleeping together was very sweet, and also showed how he, in turn, was dealing with having had other partners since the first time they were intimate. When Gredin addresses the Bereft and explains their shared trouble, she didn’t cower or concede in the face of Tetralanna’s scorn. It was a big moment for her, having so many people trust her words despite her revelation going against everything they’d learned over the course of their very long lives. It was a big step forward for her as a leader as well.

Gredin had to make a very hard decision regarding Nitikikani (yes, I typed that correctly on the first time without checking the book and I’m very proud of myself for having done so) in order to ease tensions between their races. Nitikikani actually had his own POV chapter, which I enjoyed. The deal Gredin and Nitikikani struck was originally an apology on Gredin’s end. It became far more profound than a simple apology when Nitikikani revealed why he was so obsessed with the flame stone pendant that Gredin wore (which she received from her chosen at their Choosing). I think their interaction helped Gredin process some of her grief. I think it also helped put her in a better mindset in concern to what was required of her as a leader.

I actually disliked Gredin at one point, for a decision she made. Though the preferred choice of these Bereft would have led to them being severely debilitated, it was still their choice to make. Many of them followed the very vocal Tetralanna, but I think if they had been given the chance to spend less time listening to her and feel the impact of their gyfts fading, they would eventually see sense. They weren’t given that time to think without Tetralanna influencing their decisions on the matter. This isn’t one of those problems that are going to be solved by forcing people into the solution.

Also, Gredin’s stones were never fully explained. Why they were doing more than just casting a pretty pattern when she was dumping them on Keegan’s bed closer to the end wasn’t explained. What were they indicating in that scene? I was dying to know more about her connection with the stones as well.

I actually disliked Burlon for a good part of this book. He and Gredin disagreed on some things, but going against her express wishes without explaining why felt like he crossed a line in the sand. Instead of addressing this issue, Gredin immediately forgave him. He’s a bit of a hypocrite in that he backs Gredin up when Tetralanna speaks against her, and speaks in her favour to her face, but goes behind her back. I’m rather disappointed that I finished this book viewing Burlon in a bit of a negative light.

Keegan’s life on Venna is brought up and I quite liked learning more about him. I found him to be an interesting character that I looked forward to seeing Gredin interact with. Seeing him struggle so hard against Tetralanna – and succeeding – spoke to his strength as a person but also spoke of his character, solidifying the impression that he had a strong will.

Tetralanna, of course, proved to be the worst type of person you could come across. I didn’t think I could hate her more until she used her gyft against Keegan, and then moreso when she shamed a Bereft for their choice when they were reunited with their Chosen. It was hard to tell what could be attributed to Tetralanna being out of Balance because she lost her chosen, what was bitterness over being overlooked by the Power in favour of Gredin, and what was a combination of the two. I imagine she would have had a lot of pent-up rage towards Gredin regardless of whether or not she’d lost her Chosen. In the end, she got what she deserved.

One major plot point in the book was left unsolved, but it didn’t take away from the book at all. In fact, if it had, it would have felt like Blacklocke was trying too hard to wrap it all up with a nice bow on top.

None of the negative things had a negative impact on my reading experience (with the exception of Burlon at the end). I could hardly put this book down, and finished it in five days! I would have finished it sooner if not for daily life getting in the way, haha. Even though I’m sad it’s over, this is a great ending to the fantastic first trilogy of the Tradepoint Saga!

You can pre-order The Bereft e-book on Amazon here for a great price! It comes out on April 13 2021!

[starsgivemehp]

Okay! In that case, I think I’m gonna go with Guts for this story. What are some of the things he likes the most? (Food, activities, etc.). Also, do you have any particular picture of where he usually lives? Also, how does he get along with his brother? (Sorry for the spam, I just want to make this good)

rssgiyfgeiuf you’re really gonna write me something? Q,Q bless u fam

Another cut because my god, I don’t shut up lmao

So Guts is, canonically, the horror end of my classic boy Vega! That means that everything that applies to Vega also applies to him. For example:

Vega (and therefore Guts) has voice to color synaesthesia! Different tones of voice that convey certain emotions have different colors. This makes it difficult (but not impossible) to lie to him. For example, joy is often a clear blue, tranquility is cyan, confidence is orange, tiredness is purple, triumph is yellow (and if you see a pattern, you’re right, soul trait colors match up with emotions). Positive emotions tend to be clear and nice, overly-exaggerated emotions (like when a Papyrus is pretending to be confident even though he’s not) are too saturated and bright, and negative emotions are muddy and diluted. This applies to his own voice and anybody else’s voice. He likes blues the best, and he tends to use this ability to comfort people he can tell are faking it or are trying to hide upset. Do note that this overlaps the more voices there are, so while he can handle a little while of being around lots of people, it will overstimulate him soon enough and he’ll really want to cover his non-ears and take a nap to stop the colors everywhere drowning everything else out. Thus, he’s not keen on stuff like amusement parks or big parties or sports fields.

(note that this is a little old and not all-encompassing, so just kinda use what feels right, I think)

Also important to note that Solstice, or Eclipse as he renames himself in Horrortale, is the Papyrus, but he is not Vega/Guts’ brother. He is, in fact, their son. Sol is completely unaware of this fact and thinks they are brothers. See, Vega’s mom is the river person, and her name is Carme (a sans serif font). His father was Roman (or Times New Roman) and he died while Vega was still pretty young, he doesn’t remember the guy at all. Carme has some form of dementia (I’ll be honest, I haven’t done enough research yet to pick) and, while always cheerful and doing her boating duty well, doesn’t often recognize Vega. However, he doesn’t mind much, and he’ll usually sing when he takes the boat, and she’ll sing along. When she does remember, she’ll coddle him gently.

Vega was in love with Gaster, who was a completely unrelated skeleton and the royal scientist. I dunno if they were officially married, but they were living together and had a son, Solstice (Gaster carried). Sol was still a baby when Gaster fell into the core, and everyone but Vega forgot about him. Vega found it difficult to raise a child on his own, and his mother wasn’t that bad mentally yet, so he decided to pretend it was his baby brother and have his mom help him raise the kid. By this point, now that Sol is a functioning adult, Vega could tell him, but he has no idea how to bring it up and explain, so he just keeps the lie since it’s easier. It doesn’t trouble him much. He is, however, worried that he may develop whatever Carme has and his own memory will start to go, and he’ll slip up and call Sol his son.

(shitty sketch is shitty)

In terms of how they get along, before the verse was horror-fied, Vega was endlessly patient with Sol, who has anxiety issues. But Vega also kinda has depression, so they’re a little co-dependent. He eases Sol’s anxiety a lot and Sol picks up the slack and gently bullies him to take care of himself. Sol is not a great cook, but Vega will honestly eat anything, so if Sol asks how it is, he can truthfully say he likes it (even if nobody else would) and everyone is happy. Vega works all the usual Sans jobs underground, and he’s just an all around dad guy. Super soft, super patient (it’s his soul trait), gentle and always smiling even when a little sad. His philosophy about life is basically to savor the little things, because you never know what you have until it’s gone, and the big things aren’t so overwhelming if there are lots of little things.

He’s a big fan of mac n’ cheese, and he likes little cut up hot dog (cat) pieces in it, with little octopus legs. Mac n’ seas. Also he’ll throw in broccoli sometimes to be healthy. He’s also really big on pretty much any other kid-friendly, easy to make food, like peanut butter and jelly, chicken nuggets, stuff like that. He does, ofc, drink ketchup and put it on all his food.

Vega is pretty old, about 500, I’d say, and Sol is almost 400 himself, so they’re among my older muses, but there are ones waaay older. He’s also a shortie, he’s only 4′6″. He tastes like vanilla. He also has a daddy kink (soft, very paternal in bed), and he’s into pillow humping, tentacles, sensory deprivation, and massages, but he’s asexual and his sex drive is relatively low. He rarely wants anything more than once or twice a month, and he hardly has two heats a year.

SO THAT’S ALL VEGA, and when his verse horror-fies and he becomes Guts, a lot of that stays intact, but there are some changes. If you follow canon horrortale, it’s fairly similar in terms of what happened to him, but reactions are a little different because he’s so soff. He did basically get backstabbed by Alphys and Undyne, who thought his magic was special enough to revive the core, and thus Undyne broke his head open. The difference is, none of it worked in the first place, and he didn’t get revenge on anyone, he just quietly went back home and stewed and tried his best to help his neighbors by hunting humans. He refused to eat human, though, so he was starving for years on end, to the point where he started to drool tar. He did 100% feed it to Sol without Sol being aware of it, to keep him alive and semi-healthy. When he hunts humans, he’s extremely regretful about it. He tricks them with creepy grins and quick movements, and he doesn’t hesitate when he brings the axe down, but usually, as he’s bringing it down, his smile will fade and he’ll give his best ‘I’m sorry’ look to them, because he really does feel fucking awful about it.

Eclipse is a pretty typical horror Pap, cheerful and cool with eating humans but still trying to be a good person. I don’t do the whole “Pap can’t hear shit and mistakes words” song and dance because it kinda irritates me, personally, and besides, as I mentioned in the last post, Guts barely talks anyway. He has gotten a little better at cooking, and while he’s frustrated with Guts refusing to eat human, he will obey Guts’ wishes and not feed him any.

Guts is EXTREMELY frustrated about his communication issues often, because he stalls out on signing, and when he tries to write, he has trouble scratching out the full shapes of letters and his handwriting is atrocious and he’s completely disgusted with it. While he can use words at times, he’s unhappy with his coloring (because it’s usually muddy purplish/tired or red/irritable these days). The best workaround he discovers, with help, is to communicate solely in emoji and punctuation. He’ll use emojis like the :pray: emoji for please, the :slight smile: for thank you, and the :face with bandage: to refer to himself in third person. The emojis work for his brain because he doesn’t process them as “language” with a grammatical structure, but merely pictures that can help him express his emotions.

Guts is far more tired than Vega, and while he does still somewhat have an urge to dad people, he’s been through so much trauma and difficulty that he’s a lot more needy and crumbles easily when someone else parents him instead of the other way around. He loves being picked up and snuggled and pet and loved on, and he naps when he’s safe and purrs when he’s doted on. He knows he’s cute and he owns it, tbh.

He struggles with eating, sometimes. I mentioned that whatever he’s eating has to include meat, but sometimes, he’ll get all up in his head about it if it’s human, and he’ll leak the tar more trying to hold himself back. Times like that, he needs reassurance of what the food is and that it’s okay to eat, pretty much constantly, while he stuffs his face before he can think about it too hard.

He is homeless when they reach the surface, because he finds it extremely difficult to find a job without talking. He usually begs on street corners with a sign or stays at a homeless shelter, not keeping much stuff. A few books, a picture of his bro, some clothes, that’s about it. He hides his situation from Eclipse a lot, because Eclipse went right off to culinary school and fuck if Guts will make him come back and sacrifice his dreams to take care of his invalid brother/father (and honestly part of that is just me not liking playing classic Papyrus much lmao).

In terms of activities/hobbies, he does kinda still like cooking simple foods, but he doesn’t often get the chance. He’s always fond of napping, and he likes listening to calmer kinds of music. Some alt rock, some instrumental, some ballads. He likes to feed birds at the park sometimes, because he hangs out there. He doesn’t really do much else.

Sexually, despite still being asexual, he’s more open to having sex more often, probably in part because he went a very, very long time without any and he kinda missed it. He’s still lazy in bed, having mostly the same kinks but subbing more. Also, he doesn’t automatically get turned on by eating (like Arum), but if his partner rubs him off while feeding him by hand, he’s pretty into it. Overall he is an overtired dad who is really, really thankful when someone finally says “hey, you’ve been the dad enough, let me baby you.”

This got way longer than expected, but I’m always happy to ramble, and if you need more info, just lemme know!

I leave you with this meme:

[askbittyerror]

Wedding RP part 5

JusticeMom09/26/2020 Erebus lands with the two bitty gone way too big and drops them into his branches "Its okay Huitzi you should probably let him go before he detonates anyway" [11:56 PM] @Askbittyerror September 27, 2020

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 “Release me!” Flare snarls, kicking Huitzi in the chest and sizing up as the smaller is flung away, several of his ribs crumbling from the force. Huitzi wheezes and clutches his chest, struggling to heal himself, the positivity fueling his magic straining against the darkness of Erebus’ world. Flare’s wings have gone a deep, nearly black crimson, his eyelights gutted out and burning golden light blazing from his sockets. The bone around them flake dust, thick drops of melting bitty flow like lava from beneath his shirt, his spine reduced to nothing more than a river. He draws his spear, snarling heavily, the jagged points at the tip sharpening even further. He takes a step forward and Huitzi flinches back the best he is able, pressed against the tree, eyelights shrunken to terrified pinpricks.(edited)

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Erebus growls holding out his hand as Huitzi's soul goes blue and he is pulled quickly away from the furious guardian. At the same time negativity starts to snake its way up Flare's legs... but wait its more than that the cold seeping burning feeding on Flare like some sort of vampire... the roots of the tree start to tangle around his liquifying bones

"Calm down flare!" Erebus snaps as Huitzi is now safe in threw bows of his branches

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Flare flashes and liquidates away, bone chunks squishing and shifting into deathly-sharp spikes all up his arms and thick, bladed ridges running down his legs. His wings separate into heavy tentacles, flashes of red cloak him and he lets out a low, dangerous growl, his back hunched and his weapon readied. His movements look wobbly, disconnected, each bit jerking and shifting strangely, the connections between his bones scraping and squishing.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "... okay yeah that is gross" he mumbles and holds out a hand the roots of the massive ancient tree start ripping from the ground pursing forth and tangle around Flare pulling him under. Not to death but to hold and drain his energy until his fury have burned out. While his body deals with the angry god bitty he moves back towards Huitzi "... its okay... he cant hurt you anymore" He mumbles meaning if Flare tries again he would drop huitzi back at the wedding and face the angry one alone

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Flare thrashes and bites and kicks and claws and, eventually, some part of him in the deep recesses of his soul reminding him that these are people he probably shouldn’t kill, attempts to vanish. “What… is this… place?” Huitzi wheezes, clutching his chest, golden marrow dripping down from the scratches and bites Flare left. “What is… happening?” His wings have darkened considerably. The light is dying from his eyes.(edited)

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Flare is pulled into the storm allowed to rage away from  the guardian and Huitzi. he is now free of the root system allowing him to do as he pleased. just because the darkness around the tree was void like did not mean it was truly empty if you went far enough.

"You are in my multiverse... hold still you are draining too fast" He said and pulls off a leaf using it and pulling it in two different directions suddenly becoming like a bubble and he shoves it around Huitzi and now he is in an emotionally neutral space! tada! "... I am not exactly gentle in my universe and I cannot stop it now take deep breaths I am going to help heal you" He offers before holding his hands out and pushing healing magic towards the giant bitty(edited)

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Flare screams in rage and reality ripples, the Paladin tearing himself from this multiverse and tossing himself back into his adopted one to rampage in peace. Huitzi whimpers, curling in on himself, the pain, no longer buried under the freezing negativity, hitting him in the chest right where his broken ribs are. “Please.” His breath hitches sharply. His soul absorbs the magic hungrily, wounds slowly sealing shut, though the places that Flare sunk his teeth into seem to be resisting.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Erebus watches scowling at the magic and slams his fist into the bark of the tree drawing magic from the source as he continues to heal Huitzi. He has enough magic to make those missing bits come back and more. It would not be the first time he reconstructed a skeleton monster from scratch "Hold on... just keep breathing for me"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 The bitemarks put up a good show, but since Flare hadn't actually put any magic into them, they seal easily enough, leaving only a circle of off-white behind. "Th-thank you." Huitzi exhales, staying curled up, trying to come down from staring death in the face.(edited)

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Erebus crouches there and hums "We will have to address Flare's anger sooner rather than later. We need to make sure to disengage him before he goes needing to kill things" The goop is rubbing Huitzi's back now trying to help him calm down even as he watches the spot where Flare had been and the sparkling positivity he left behind

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi leans into the touch, whimpering. "I- I don't even know who you are." He laughs weakly.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He snorts "Eh I know Dragon and you are a date mate of theirs yes?" he asked amusement dancing in his good eye light(edited)

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I am indeed." He grunts, pushing himself up, giving Erebus a small smile. "May I have the name of my savior?"

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "Erebus. Technically its Nightmare but" he shrugs "I have come to understand there are too many of us around to use our actual names"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I know two guardians and and a great many bitties." Huitzi chuckles. "...thank you for saving me."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "No problem I did want to see Bells have a good day today and with Greylu even unwilling to let me be useful this was the best thing I could do" he said amused "when you feel strong enough we can go back or hang out here. I do enjoy coming home" he said amused as he looked out into the darkness. he could see what was out there

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "This is your home?" Huitzi frowns, looking around. "It is, uh, lovely."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He snorts at that "... Lovely not exactly what I would call it" he said and stood offering Hutzi a hand "but it is what it is and thanks to Bells reckless bravery I have my brother again too"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Congratulations." Huitzi takes his hand with a smile, allowing himself to be pulled up.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He laughed "I suppose it works" he said pulling him to stand "... why is it every consecutive person I meet has to be so much taller?" He askes amused.

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I can always make myself smaller if that makes you more comfortable." Huitzi offers, giving Erebus' hand an unintentional squeeze. "I can go down to two feet."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He laughed shaking his head "kid I am taller than everyone" he said amused and pulled him further away from the trunk of the tree "... well okay Flare may have me beat but I am not tonally sure how tall my branches reach now"  he looks up at the black not black leaves of the tree they stood in

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi looks up. "...you are a tree?"

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He grunted letting him stand on his own now making sure he did not fall "um. I did not start out that way if it helps" he chuckles  a bit

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I am fine with it." Huitzi shrugs, a bit shaky but not about to fall. "I was just curious. You are the first I have met who is an actual stationary tree and not some kind of tree monster."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "oh I started out as a monster" he chuckled folding his arms behind his head "A guardian like my brother and I followed the same story most Dreams and Nightmares follow."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I... am sorry to say I do not know that story." Huitzi rubs the back of his neck. "All I know is it somehow involves apples and I am not even sure of that."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He laughed "how about a quick story then?" he offers before looking around and closing his eyes basking in his world for a moment "we are guardians... not skeletons not monsters but spirits given these forms. we guardians are the children of the original who died protecting THE tree. The tree of emotion which actually is the source of all positive and negative emotions for all the multiverse. the apples being the fruit that grows in this tree. half black and full of negative emotions and half gold holding positive "

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi nods, just letting him talk.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "the mortals who lived nearby tend to hate the Nightmare guardian and as such abuse him while his brother is not around. Eventually the pain becomes too much and in a fight between them and himself we... well we eat the apples and by them all the golden apples corrupt at our touch and we eat those too... until the brother Dream consumes the last golden apple holding all the positive emotions that beings can feel..."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi frowns, thinking of the little guardians hiding in their room, how quiet and afraid they were, and the older pair, long since corrupted by more than just the apples.(edited)

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "well I am what happens to the Nightmare after he eats the apple. the goop is negativity given form" he sighs "after the apple incident the nightmares and dreams tend to fight each other until one dies" he looks at Huitzi "and in this universe I won and consumed my brother's soul... or what I thought at the time was his soul... and since I no longer needed to be a skeleton and the power of negativity reaching power I could no longer hold in a mortal body I took a form akin to the one the power originated from"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I see." Huitzi nods, eyes distant. "...I suppose that would be why Dreams and Nightmares are so often at odds." He comes back to himself and sighs, giving Erebus a look of concern. "Are you alright?"

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He pauses "in what context?" he offers back. he was not expecting this question

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Any." Huitzi asks softly. "You have been through quite a lot."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "I am a very old Nightmare" He says honestly "and it has been a long long time since I was as angry as I had been... being alone to calm my soul has helped. For now I think I am but then again I do not know what being alright would entail"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I am aware I have nowhere near the same experiences as you," Huitzi bows his head. "But if you want to talk, or anything else, I am here."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He smiles "I see why Dragon likes you" he said and held out his hand "why dont we get back to the party I know everyone was a bit stirred up when we left"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I would love too." Huitzi takes his hand with a smile, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I just hope I haven't upset anyone too horribly."(edited)

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "I think the only one who can really stay upset is Erebus" he snorts "still too young to realize he can actually relax and enjoy more than what is in his immediate purview"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Then I will make a point to avoid him." Huitzi nods.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "you should at least say hello at least once I rather enjoyed his reaction to seeing you and Flare" he smirked and with that pulled Huitzi back through the timelines to the tower

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi mutters something about preferring to remain unstabbed, letting himself be taken away. When they arrive, reality buzzes, and Flare, at seven feet, head bowed, fully cleaned and recovered from his tantrum, steps through a portal, just behind his human Nightmare, wearing a deep blue tunic with dark feathers on the shoulders, sleeves tied at the wrists, a pair of thin black belts crossed over his hips just above the start of his goopy lamia-tail. On his back, one tied to each of his four tentacles, are hummingbird moth wings in dark blue and black, accented with the occasional tinge of gold. Umbra glances over to Huitzi and Erebus and scoffs, looking around with a deep scowl as the portal closes behind them.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "...  your tiny me seems irate Flare" Erebus mumbles watching the young guardian scowl at everything "How are you feeling better?" he asked clearly unfazed by the murder happy that had just happened not but minutes before

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "He is fine." Umbra says sharply. "My servant has regained control of his... urges, and will cause no further issue."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "... " Erebus narrows his eyes at this "Dare I ask why you are acting this way?" he looks between them. he got the feeling he was not exactly "recovered" as much as they were pretending?(edited)

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "No, you may not." Umbra glares.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He throws his hands in the air "I am going to go try to talk to people who are not going to snap at me" he said and headed back into the party

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Umbra sighs and looks at the ground. "Too many people, sorry." He says quickly, through gritted teeth, like it pains him. "Are you alright?" Huitzi asks, approaching him and immediately stopping when Flare growls. "Hold." Umbra slaps an arm over Flare's chest, the Paladin going silent. He looks to Huitzi, his smile large, confident, and only a mite shaky. "I will be fine."(edited)

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Erebus stops at that and sighs looking back at him "... numbers" he mumbles before walking back and crossing his arms "so this is what you have been trained to be?" he asked raising a brow at this. suddenly he is VERY interested in Umbra's reaction

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "No, of course not!" Umbra scoffs, arms crossed over his chest, nodding very emphatically.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Seems the kid has learned double speak "now is Flare actually okay?" they ask looking up at the big guy with a frown

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Of course, what a stupid question." Another scoff, a shrug, a slight shake of the head. "He simply insisted on returning, so I had to come along to make sure he behaved himself this time."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He nodded "why dont we go sit down?" he offered "there are a few places where we can have a bit of... quiet " he offers

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Sure, whatever." Umbra shrugs and nods. "These plebeians are... undeserving of my presence."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "... " he sighs "whoever this ass was that made you like this clearly knew nothing about us nightmares" he said and waved them over before grabbing Huitzi to join them as they headed to a corner that was nearly a room into itself? at least that was the way it "looked"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 They follow, Umbra keeping his scowl and Flare making sure to keep in between him and everyone else at all times, only stopped from growling at them all by Umbra's tight grip on his arm.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 there is a table in the little nook! tada and when Erebus pulls the leaf curtain shut they are now only a group of 4 "... there" he slumps moving to sit at the table "sit " an order made to sound like a suggestion you feel compelled to follow

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Umbra slides into his seat and the moment the curtain closes he slumps, head in his hands, whispering frantic apologies under his breath. Flare sits between him and the world, absently patting his back, figurative ears peaked for any disturbances. Huitzi sits across, trying not to flinch when Flare casts his eyes over him before returning to watching the curtain.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Erebus sighs "calm down you didnt do anything wrong" he said watching the kid "and you were already forgiven when you made it clear why you were acting like some haughty teen novel vampire"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Sorry." Umbra mutters again, eyes down, hands in his lap.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "kid its cool really. You need to start forgiving yourself" he points out "now... How is flare really? the mun is dense tonight and is not getting subtlety well so make it concise please"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 “Not good.” Umbra says, tapping his feet, pulling his wings up over his shoulders like a fuzzy blanket. “He hasn’t had an episode that bad in a long time.” Umbra looks at his father, still staring out, fists clenched under the table that the bone can be heard creaking. “He has trouble with his LV sometimes.” Umbra looks away. “He has… a lot of it, and sometimes it takes over.” “I can keep him stable, though!” He quickly assures, leaning forward, wings blanketing him tighter, voice quivering just the slightest bit. “He won’t- won’t do anything while I’m here, promise! I’m too likely to be caught in the collateral damage.”

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He nods "you know Flare does not have to stay if he needs to rest. Everyone here will understand." he points out "and you do not have to force yourself to paly that role and dance that dance" he said watching him "it really is okay"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Can't stop." Umbra's breath quickens, scratching at his hands beneath the table, Flare just grunting. "That is fine." Huitzi gently says, fighting the urge to lean forward and comfort. "One step at a time. Just- please try to avoid antagonizing anyone? We don't want someone to get upset and Flare to react." "Yeah, yeah sure, I can do that." Umbra nods, shaking a little.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He sighs rubbing his head "yeah. just take care of yourself and mostly I meant not try to stop here I meant you dont have to force yourself in being here at all and forcing yourself to live in that role for what is only going to be a couple more hours"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I gotta be here for Dad." Umbra looks at the table. "Until he decides to leave, I'm gonna be here too."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He nods "okay Thank you Umbra for being here" Erebus seems to have learned how to be supportive dad at some point... Umbra might get adopted by the older goop at this rate

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 At this rate, he probably needs it. "I'm happy to well, uh I'm, I'm uh..." Umbra smiles nervously. "I'm... here?"

JusticeMom09/27/2020 the goop chuckles "you are honestly a good kid I am glad they were not able to take that from you"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Umbra smiles, his tentacles wagging, the attached wings fluttering. “Thank you!”

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "why don't I go get us some of the food I suspect everyone is eating by now" He said sliding from the table "Huitzi do you want to go too?

JusticeMom09/27/2020 @Askbittyerror

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 “Um…” Huitzi glances up. Flare looks over him and Umbra for a moment, reality ripples, and then he vanishes. “Uh???” Umbra frantically squeaks. A moment more passes and Flare returns, a very confused human Dream clasped tightly by the arm. Flare practically tosses him into his seat, standing with his back to the table, between them and the rest of the room, arms crossed over his chest and back ramrod straight. Mo looks like he just rolled out of bed, hair mussed, a soft plush weedle clutched to his chest, his heavy gold-and-rainbow circlet tilted haphazardly on his head. He’s wearing a loose white tunic and soft trousers, both edged with gold and coming to his elbows and knees respectively. He’s barefoot, and on every bit of exposed skin from his chin down are deep-set intricately carved scars in geometric shapes and delicate swirls, some inked in black and gold, others in rainbow, and a few simply left as gnarled scar tissue. Mo blinks, looks around, unwinds the midnight blue sash from his waist, wraps it around his neck, grabs one of Umbra’s wings and hides himself in it, the Nightmare tugged into him with a startled mweh.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "... um what just happened?" guess Flare was on full fight mode. He asked looking  between them and shaking his head. he is now one confused goop. my goodness. He says nothing about the scars but takes note. unlike his markings he can tell that they are not self inflicted "... you okay there kid?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Mo makes a shaky noise. “Um,” Umbra looks to Huitzi, gently hugging his Dream. “Uh, Huitzi, can we borrow your jacket, please.” “Of course.” The Paladin quickly strips off his jacket, offering it and flinching as Mo quickly yanks it out of his hands, throwing it on and rolling the sleeves up significantly until they’re bunched at his wrists, the jacket practically at trench coat length. “Please tell me you have a weapon.” He whispers, Umbra nodding and undoing one of his belts, a hunting knife sheathed at the back. Mo loosens it and wraps it around his waist, hand resting on the hilt of the knife. He breathes in and out, in and out, tightly squeezing his Weedle until his shoulders lose their tension and he looks up, smiling shakily. “I’m- I’m fine.” He says, Umbra gently rubbing slow circles into his back, a tentacle coiling around him. “…sorry about that.”

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "Its not your fault Flare was triggered by many tiny angry auras and a Dragon who feels rather causal about attempts on their life" he sighed "you are at the wedding and probably should not leave our little cubby. there are a lot of people about many with hair triggers of their own"(edited)

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be fine!” Mo shoots straight up, a wide smile on his face. He hugs his surprised Nightmare, merrily nuzzling the top of his head. “It’s my sweet little brother you got to worry about, but it’s okay, I’ll keep him from being, well,” He giggles. “Himself!”

JusticeMom09/27/2020 ... "you know you are within your limits in this room right?" He asks making sure that No didn't just hear "lots of people nearby" and tripped his conditioning regardless

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 “This isn’t a room!” Mo giggles. “That’s just a curtain!” Umbra tenses and Mo gently shushes him, patting his face. "Be nice, little brother."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "its a small private space for us to sit and talk. the whole emphasis on us being alone" he points out with a groan

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "If you say so!" Mo laughs.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 The lich approaches the cordoned off area, stopping just a but beyond it. "Flare?" Quietly, "can we go somewhere more private and talk, maybe?" You and me, I mean. Um, Umbra and Mo can come too, if they need a little... less." @Candy

Candy09/27/2020 quietly follows Bells

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Flare opens the curtain and just silently stares at them. Umbra stands, pulling up Mo, still happily smiling away. "Lets go with them, Dad." The Nightmare tugs at his arm. Flare nods.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "Candy? This is where I'm afraid I leave you with Huitzi and Erebus, and head elsewhere with these guys." They look at the nearest wall, scanning it, then gesture the three to follow. "Just how much 'less' is needed? I've a water garden, and a... well, bubble, with a floor, and otherwise basically just broken void as a view."

Candy09/27/2020 O-oki. they nod and look at Erebus and Huitzi Hello, i'm Candy

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 “Any room with an actual door, please.” Umbra says, dragging his father by the arm and an increasingly ecstatic Mo by the hand.

“Hello to you too.” Huitzi smiles softly, offering them his hand. “I am Huitzi.”

Candy09/27/2020 they accept the hand and shake it nice to meet you

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Nice to meet you too." He shakes back, the movement gentle.

Candy09/27/2020 they smile how do you like the wedfing so far?

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "It has been quite lovely." Huitzi smiles. "Barring the incident earlier, I have enjoyed myself."

Candy09/27/2020 Good to hear, about the same for me.

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi nods, humming.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "uh what the hell just happened?" [8:23 PM] Erebus blinks shaking out of his mild shock and frowned

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I have no idea." Huitzi shrugs.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "yeah I get the feeling this is going to continue to be a wild night... want to go back to JR and let this chaos run its course?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I do not know what that is... But sure." Huitzi shrugs.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He laughed "my home... Juice's home and where Bells lives half the time when they are not with their now husband" He grabbed Huitzi "a whole new multiverse" he smirked and then pulled Huitzi through the Vale

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi absolutely totally doesn't squeak in surprise.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He lands in the biggest castle he will ever see in his whole life. It ad a grandness to it that only more modern royalty have but the stone that made up the castle was much much older "Come on Huitzi lets go find something to drink"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi looks up, wide eyed, mouth hanging open. He feels... so small...

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Erebus chuckles "come on kid lets get going it can take hours to get from one place to the next if the castle is feeling frisky" he grinned wickedly. not a total exaggeration but it can take longer than normal if the castle insists you going through certain halls

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "It's sentient?!" Huitzi half shrieks.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "not like you or I but it has enough magic in it to make it have some sort of cognizance" he said and reached back grabbing  him  and dragging him towards the kitchens ... one of them anyway

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi just kind of lets him, looking around, slightly paranoid and significantly freaked out.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "calm down its not a person" he said smacking him with a tendril "come on you are no young skeleton anymore. its just a castle "old buildings all have personalities you know now ... um... scratch that I got to do something come with me or shall I dump you in a sitting room until I am done?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Please don't leave me." Huitzi hugs the tendril.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He sighs grabbing Huitzi again and they shortcut into a room where someone is singing and a small sad baby is crying "... "

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi looks around. He is very much clinging to Erebus.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Nearby a very... worn looking older Dream without wings is bouncing the tiniest baby biggie Huitzi has ever seen trying to sooth its cries. the aura in the room is pleasant but not too strong. Erebus moves before the giant paladin can ground himself before the two are swapping the baby between them "how long?" "maybe ten minutes or so. nothing major his soul is strong" they are whispering

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi stands back, completely silent.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 The smaller Dream pauses now seeing the giant Huitzi. "brother why is there a giant version of Juice here with us?" his eye lights have shrank into pinpricks while Erebus is now bouncing the baby in his arms soothing him before offering him the bottle "This is one of Dragon's datemates. Everyone calls him Huitzi" "oh... okay you are very tall" [10:40 PM] foot meet mouth

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I can get small?" Huitzi whisper-offers.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 He shook his head "no no your fine...we are just working to help sooth baby Altan" he said offering his hand "I am Al Im Erebus's brother"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "It is nice to meet you." Huitzi gently shakes it. "Your brother has been very kind to me. I like him."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "Kind huh?" he asks looking back at Erebus who looked tense "no fighting the baby just took the bottle" he said his tendrils twitching in annoyance

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "...did I say something wrong?" Huitzi looks worried. "I, uh, apologize?"(edited)

JusticeMom09/27/2020 Al snorted "I have not been back for very long so our relationship is.. rocky to say the least" he huffed "anyway go coo over my nephew he has my name"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi nods hesitantly and walks over to Erebus. “I still like you.” He softly assures, kneeling down and smiling gently at the bab.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 he was tiny! most babies could at least wrap their little hands around the adult's fingers but not this bab who flailed his tiny hands towards the giant Paladin "... he was born before he even had a form" he said looking at Huitzi "we almost lost him"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I am glad he survived." Huitzi says softly, offering the little one his hand, giant though it may be.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 The baby grabbed it. it was like having a mouse touch as he continued to nurse his bottle beautiful eye lights watching him such a strange hue of purple

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi keeps his hand very still, stars absolutely in his eyes.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 when the bab was done with his bottle Erebus pulled it away and the baby giggled starting to babble as he wiggled. He clearly liked this person

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "This is an adorable, precious child." Huitzi purrs, gently twitching his fingers.

JusticeMom09/27/2020 the baby giggled again and babbled a bit more. Erebus waved him back "let me burp him and you can hold him after" he said moving the smol to his shoulder and started patting the bab's back

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Huitzi looks a bit uncertain. "I am... not sure if I'm comfortable with holding him at this size. I believe bitties are a good deal less fragile than babies."

JusticeMom09/27/2020 "hush sit down cross your legs" the goop said pointing a tendril at him "your not going to move a bunch with him but he likes you and he needs things that help his soul grow stronger"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "I can shrink!" Huitzi protests, still doing as he's told. September 28, 2020

JusticeMom09/28/2020 he makes a scolding sound "dont panic he is just a bad.  A preme to be sure but you will do fine. now hold your hands like this" he said showing his goop in a cradling pose. the baby makes a cute little burp sound before wiggling and making sleepy sounds

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Huitzi cups his hands together.

JusticeMom09/28/2020 Erebus walks over using his tendrils to correct Huitzi's hands a little until he had them right where they needed to be. Draped a blanket over him and gently laid the baby into his arms "being around things that make him smile helps strengthen his soul. He likes you so that means you are good for him" he chuckled using only one corner of the blanket to cover the small as the baby stars up at Huitzi confused. hew as in new hands?

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "Hello, little one." Huitzi coos, his attention completely devoted to the child, hands held steady with aid from a few tendrils.

JusticeMom09/28/2020 the baby blinks tilting his little head as he makes a happy noise kicking his legs and reaching for the skeleton's face giggling. Yep he likes the big man

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Huitzi smiles softly and leans his head down into the child's reach.

JusticeMom09/28/2020 the baby grabs at his cheekbones before papping them with a happy squeal. much cute baby

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 The stars are back in his eyes. "Oh my goodness." He whispers.

JusticeMom09/28/2020 "wow" Al mumbled feeling all the happy off him. he had just gotten back with a tray of drinks. one of them a large stein for Huitzi

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 At the moment, Huitzi's attention is entirely on the bab. He doesn't even notice Al's return, he didn't even realize he left in the first place.

JusticeMom09/28/2020 There is whispered conversation and several chuckles of amusement as Huitzi just stares at the baby in his hand. after ages of Huitzi mumbling and playing with the small Altan starts to drift to sleep in his arms

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Huitzi sings to the baby softly, a lullaby old and foreign. He's smiling, more relaxed than he's been in a very long time.(edited)

JusticeMom09/28/2020 Eventually Altan curled up against his chest holding his shirt with that tiny hands as he drifted off listening to song and soulbeat

JusticeMom09/28/2020 @Askbittyerror

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Huitzi may be holding back tears.

JusticeMom09/28/2020 The Dream is the one that puts a hand on his shoulder "you okay there big guy? You got a lot of emotions boiling around in there"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 “I- I apologize.” Huitzi sniffles, a tendril wiping his eyes. “I just… I had a daughter, once.”

JusticeMom09/28/2020 Dream watched him closing his eyes before he nodded "I... know how that feels Huitzi. I had a family once" he gives Erebus a look. the goop looks sheepish but the golden guardian continues "do you want to talk about her?" he offered now crouching arms resting on his legs

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 “Her name was Tepin.” He smiles faintly. “She was just… abandoned, on my doorstep. Somehow. Inside a rescue center. She was sweet and brave and-” His smile falls. “She grew fast, then never stopped.”

JusticeMom09/28/2020 He wined and put a hand on his harm "I'm sorry. it can be really unfair when our children age so much faster than us.... natural or not"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Huitzi nods, giving him a weak smile. "I am sorry for bringing the mood down, it wasn't my intention."

JusticeMom09/28/2020 He shook his head "its okay sometimes healing comes in the smallest of places" He said looking down at his tiny namesake

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 “Your child is precious.” Huitzi smiles.

JusticeMom09/28/2020 "My nephew" he said offering to take the child "Erebus and Bells's  or correction Morpheus and Bells's little one"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Huitzi hands Altan over, very carefully and with some aid from his tendrils. "I dont believe I have met any Morpheus yet."

JusticeMom09/28/2020 "probably not. there was an m!a I think they call it. It fused Erebus and Dream into one person" he says walking to the crib and gently laying Altan in it "Erebus does not want to do it again because he has become corrupted once more. He doesn't want to stain Dream with that part of him"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "Oh." Huitzi says, looking around for Erebus. "...I do not believe I have met this Dream either."

JusticeMom09/28/2020 "Juice? maybe not? He was back at the party" he said as Erebus walked back in with a non corrupted Nightmare in toe "hey what are you doing? Erebus!?" he was stumbling to keep at the goop's pace

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "...hello?" Huitzi looks over.

JusticeMom09/28/2020 He stumbles forward and dusts himself off "oh... you are a very big version of my brother" he said sockets round now

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "I assume your brother is a Paladin then." Huitzi smiles, offering him his hand. "I am Huitzi. May I have your name?"

JusticeMom09/28/2020 He takes the hand shaking it "Nightmare... I do not have any nicknames like everyone else" he said before leaning in to Al ad whispering "what's a Paladin?"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "A bitty, looks like me but, well, bitty sized!" Huitzi smiles. "I was one, once."

JusticeMom09/28/2020 He nods slowly "uhhuh Erebus why are you bringing crazy monsters to the house?" he askes before Erebus laughed "more like I am taking you back to the party" he said "you good to travel big guy? they are having all the fun without us"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Huitzi nods, smiling brightly. "Yes. Thank you for allowing me to hold your child."

JusticeMom09/28/2020 He waved a hand "you did as much for us as he did for you. Also visit. You are related to him after all. How I am not one hundred percent in which context but you are" He grabs all three of them, yes all three, and pulls everyone across the multiverse back to the chaotic party