#Rhys tells her a couple of times that she is great actually and deserves more and next thing you know BOOM trauma gone

[lunamond]

The way trauma is handled (or not handled in many cases) is one of the most blatant examples of Sjm's bad writing. It never stops making me mad.

Each character's trauma conveniently bends around whatever her narrative currently needs, without any regard if it makes sense for said trauma to express itself like that at all, nor if it is consistent with prior characterisations.

Feyre only acts traumatised from Utm when it is convenient for the plot, that being leaving Tamlin and getting with Rhys. All her mental anguish and triggers mysteriously vanish during her stay in the Night Court (despite that place being filled with things that SHOULD trigger her ptsd).

The colour red? It's not an issue anymore. Wearing impractical dresses? As long as half her tits and ass are out, she is completely fine. Never mind that that was literally what she was forced to wear Utm.

This wasn't a real healing arc or a meaningful exploration of trauma and ptsd. This was just a convenient way for Sjm to tell the reader Tamlin=bad and Rhys=good.

She isn't really interested in exploring trauma no matter how often she centers her plot around it. That's why every character whose trauma might muddle her intended story gets ignored. This obviously includes characters like Nesta and Tamlin, but even her favs like Rhys suffer from this. Rhysand supposedly experienced 50 years of trauma, but we never see this actually be explored beyond a convenient pity party and some bad dreams. And both of these only get used to set up the next smut scenes instead of providing any new depth to his character.

[acourtofthought]

I like your blog a lot for a long time. You have lots of great theories and There’s one theory of yours that i struggle with though and it’s that Elucien will come first because they’ve suffered more than the others. It’s not that I don’t believe Elucien can’t be next I think there is a very good chance, but this specific reason that they deserve it first is what gets me

Hasn’t Azriel been waiting for a mate or some answer from the Mother for 500+ years? (Not saying this is right but it’s the info given to us). Hasn’t Gwyn been in a library for 2 years looking for courage to go outside? Is Sjmass really going to writing the next two couples in order of who’s been more wronged? If that’s the case Helion and Lady Autumn’s story should’ve been resolved long ago. I think is purely a stan/shipper feeling to think a couples book should come first because other characters need to repent to faves before they get their happiness

For me, it's a little more involved than that.

First off, Az being hung up on Mor for 500 years and someone thinking he should get a book next for that reason is not a strong enough argument in my opinion. If he were to end up with Mor than sure, maybe that would make a bit more sense but she is not his endgame person therefore their past should not really influence his love story with Gwyn. As of November-ish in SF, we saw Az expressing jealousy over Mor when Helion asked after her whereabouts. As of December in SF, we have Az not able to admit to Rhys that he's no longer in love with Mor though he was having extremely sexual thoughts of Elain.

In my opinion, no, I don't think it's a great setup for Az to end up with his mate 9 or so months after that (because that's a realistic time-frame we're looking at here, Koschei and Beron aren't just sitting around waiting for Az's love life to happen before they carry out their schemes which will most likely be dealt with in an Elucien book. The state of Spring can't continue on the way it is for another 9 months while Az gets a girl. If he does, Az will not have spent even a single year not having been fixated / obsessed on a female for nearly the entirety of his life. I think it would actually be very healthy for Az to learn a little bit of who he is outside of his fixation on a female.

Also, Az claiming Elain can't handle the Trove, rejecting her and saying Lucien will never be good enough in one book then he goes on to get his HEA in the very next book while they continue struggling? That's rewarding his temper tantrum (again, in my opinion).

The LoA and Helion are most likely not getting a POV anytime soon so bringing them into the debate doesn't make a lot of sense to me at this point. If anything Mor probably even deserves her HEA before the others (especially Az) because she's the one who has struggled to come out to her family. She's the one who has felt scared of Az's behavior at times. She's the one who feels she has to hide things from Az otherwise he pouts and she has to feel bad about his feelings.

Why should Az, who honestly is not behaving well to most of the others (trying to undermine Feyre's word as High Lady, mouthing off to Rhys, being jealous of Lucien who is their ally, trying to hold Elain back from doing more, pouting about Mor, be the one to get his HEA after how he's acted towards all of them? Shouldn't he spend some time reflecting on how he's made them feel before he's ready to be the guy Gwyn deserves? He is surrounded by love of his friends and family yet he behaves as if he has nobody. I think his first lesson is to be grateful for what he has without wanting romance. Because that's the thing. He's tied up his self worth in whether or not he has someone and that will make his ending up with Gwyn be more about him finally thinking he can tell himself he's worthy rather than it being about a sincere love for Gwyn for the right reasons. But because love isn't going to actually cure him, their foundation will not be a strong one, his personal issues will not have been dealt with. Az wanting love from a relationship is a crutch. "if I got this I'd feel better".

And yes, Gwyn has been wanting to come out of the library but the thing with that is whenever she's ready to do so, she has a very strong support system already in place. She has Nesta, Emerie, even Cassian and Az. Gwyn has people who have supported her, pushed her to do more, believed in her. We already had the chance to here her story in her own words.

Compare that to Elain? Elain does not have that and she's the only possible FMC who we've never heard tell her story. Even Emerie got to tell her story. Elain is surrounded by people who don't think she's capable of much, who never once encouraged her to train her powers, who we have never heard how she truly feels about her fathers death or having stabbed the king or her mating bond. Elain does not have a found family so her spending another 9 months without the same support system the others have? Lucien spending another 9 months without a real home?

It's clear neither is in the court they belong so yes, I do think it would be more fair for them to not be pushed aside for another 9 months. Where Lucien is actually struggling with the affects of an unaccepted mating bond versus Az who is just pissy about not having one but is not going mad (which in canon can happen to mated males) from his instincts the way Lucien might be. Also, Lucien is not treated extremely well by the IC. He's tolerated, at times they get along but even in SF we see evidence of dismissive behavior. As of HOFAS Az has an even stronger friendship with Nesta, Cassian and Rhys are his brothers. Who does Lucien have? Who have we seen on page that he shares a real connection with? He said Vassa and Jurian are his friends but have we ever seen either of them actually ask Lucien about how he feels, what he wants? Cassian tried to strike up a conversation with Az about children, that's someone who is showing an interest in Az. All anyone asks Lucien about is Koschei or Spring or Beron and when he did try to tell Feyre about Vassa and Jurian, she made fun of him.

Also, to your point about Gwyn's trauma taking place two years ago, it did but it was only introduced to the reader on page in SF. We weren't able to read about what happened to her in real time. It's sort of like Lucien watching Jesminda be murdered. It was an absolutely horrific thing that happened to him but we didn't suffer with his character as it happened. That's not to say it makes his trauma (or hers) less valid but when we actually read about Elain and Nesta's kidnapping / being bound and gagged / forced into the Cauldron in book 2, where we read about their terror as it played out and Nesta had a chance to process the trauma on page in her own book and Elain confirmed she still has that trauma yet nobody is talking to her about it? Would it not be a logical conclusion that she also deserves a chance to have a voice since she was waiting for one ever since book 2? Where we witnessed even more trauma for her on page in book 3? Where she suffered another rejection in book 4 and had her own sister pushing her away for an entire year?

Even if Gwyn and Az don't find love right away they both have a place where they truly belong with unconditional love from their friends and neither Elain or Lucien have that. It's not even about deserving romance, it's them deserving a chance to find a home and I'm not sure why they should have to wait for Az to get a mate before they get that.

And in terms of plot, the pressing issues that affected their entire lands were the peace treaty, Beron, Koschei and Spring. From a plot perspective those things do seem more urgent and are tied into Elucien.

Sarah also said her initial plans for the spin-offs have not really changed from that first pitch (while drafting ACOWAR and finishing up edits for ACOMAF), where she knew who the first two would be about but was unsure of the third. At that time Gwyn's character did not yet exist so I don't think it's completely out of the realm of possibility to believe the characters with a confirmed / strongly hinted at mating bonds at that time were getting those first two spin-offs.

I do appreciate your comments and I'm sorry this particular stance is upsetting to you. It's really just my opinion though, no more valid than anyone else's.

[rheareadsss]

Mistake 13

I hope you guys enjoy! :)

••••••

Azriel sat in front of Mor and held her hands “I need to apologize for my actions”

Mor looked down at their hands “what do you mean?”

Azriel lets out a breath “let’s not pretend I didn’t pin after you for centuries and expected certain things from you”

Mor pats his hands “Az, we were both wrong about that whole situation” she admits “you pinned after me expecting me to reciprocate it and I wasn’t very truthful with you, I let you go on which wasn’t right”

Azriel shook his head “it was all me, I see that now”

Mor nods “let’s start over okay? I love you like a brother and I don’t want to loose that relationship”

Azriel nods “of course”

“How are things with her?” Mor now asks concerned, she knows that Azriel has been residing in the house of wind while Elain has been living in the river house.

“Not great” he admits

“What actually happened Az?” Mor asks “we all know that you up and left after a big fight and she hasn’t exactly said anything” Mor adds

Azriel tried to take his hands back but Mor held on “I have a mate” he whispers

Her eyes widen “what? Who?”

“She seek me out to tell before I married Elain and I- i disregarded her” he continues and looks down towards their hands

“Why? We all know how much a mate means to you- you have wanted this for so long” she says not understanding

“Elain and I had just decided to be together, she had decided and disregarded Lucien and when I found out about my mate I was on the high of finally being with Elain” he admits “Mor every night I wish I could go back in time and not hurt her, she’s perfect, more than I deserve for sure and now she’s gone” he whispers the last part

“I told Elain in the worst way possible about her, I haven’t exactly been myself lately and she began resenting me for always being out and working, I got upset and lashed out” he admits remembering that night.

“Az, where have you been? You know how worried sick I’ve been this couple of weeks?” Elain says concerned

Azriel doesn’t say anything, he just sits all bloodied at their room chaise chair which only infuriates Elain much more, she noticed his dark under eye bags and the beard he hadn’t shaved in almost a month. Elain noticed how the blood and mud had stained the floor and it broke something in her.

“Are you cheating??” She screams

His eyes turn to her, she finally noticed the empty look he had and instantly regretted her accusation and began to open her mouth but he won

“No, the only person I cheated on was my mate with you” he seethed, already annoyed with her and himself and the fact that he couldn’t find Gwyn.

Elaine’s eyes widen “what?!”

He turned his eyes away from her

“You have a mate??”

“Yes”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” She shouts

“I’m telling you now aren’t I?”

“Have you been with her all this time?” She shouts “is that why you are never home? Have you been cheating on me with some whore?”

His gaze snaps back to her and he stands up “do not speak about her like that”

“Well have you?!”

“No Elain I haven’t!” He shouts mad “she left, she left me because I’m shackled to you and you know what’s worse? It was my decision” he says in a deadly calm tone

Elain gasps at his confession “leave! Leave and never came back”

Azriel didn’t say anything but just left her as she shouted nonsense about him and his mate, he chose not to listen as it would only enrage him further.

Rhysand reached him before he was out the door “Az-“

“If you’re not going to tell me where she is then don’t speak to me” Azriel says walking out of the river home.

“Have you talked to her since?” Mor asks

“Not yet, I plan to soon” he admits “I can’t really face Rhys” he adds

“Why?” She asks confused “I mean I see how things are on thin ice between you two, you rarely go to the river house”

“She asked him to take her far from me, I understand why she did it and I get why Rhys obliged but I resent him for it, I resent myself too”

“It’s Gwyn” she now says putting the puzzle pieces together

“It is” he says looking down ashamed with himself “I miss her and wish I can take everything back”

Mor hugs him “you know Rhys loves her and you too, if he obliged her it’s because he saw how she was hurting and it hurt him to see her like that” Mor says convinced “you know he sees her as a little sister”

Azriel nods “I know and it pains me even more” he admits

“Everything will work out Az, not anytime soon but it will work out” Mor assures him

•

A month later,

Azriel walks in to the river house, it’s his first time having dinner with his family in a long time. He hasn’t really been around to share time with his family.

He hasn’t seen his “wife” in months if he was being honest, she didn’t seek him out and he didn’t either. This was one of this many steps in to making things right, the first has been talking to Rhys.

He remembers his brother telling him to come to dinner after Azriel went to talk to him, apologize really after his behavior for months.

Feyre is the first to wrap him in a warm hug, Nesta was the second. She gave him a small smile, Azriel knew that she was mad at him for the whole situation but he was her brother after all.

They were all siting down when finally Elain came down to dinner, it was awkward at first. She sat next to Feyre and only kept to conversation with her and Rhys. He was more closer to Nesta and Cassian.

He was dying to ask Nesta about Gwyn, she could see it in his eyes and her eyes soften “she’s in the continent you know, she’s loving traveling around with her friend” she finally whispered to him that little piece of information

Elain turn to her at that “who’s traveling?”

“Elain is it okay if we talk?” Azriel said, he didn’t want her finding out this way

She finally turned her gaze towards him and nods and starts standing up.

Azriel followed suit and followed her in to the garden, her comfort place.

“How you been?” Azriel asks to make small talk

“Not so bad, not so great” she answers

He nods “I want to apologize for my words when we spoke last, it wasn’t fair to you”

“Where you unfaithful?”

“No, I was never unfaithful”

“When did you find out?”

He sighs “I found out the day we went public to everyone” he admits

Her eyes widen “if you found out that day why did you chose for us to go through this?”

“Honestly? You had chosen me, I found out a few hours before we went public that I had a mate and I was confused, I had always believed that the cauldron had made a mistake with your bond and that somehow one day it would snap for us” he admits

“After we married and she suppressed her side of the bond it snapped for me and I understood why she’s my mate” he admits “I never chose to see her that way because she’s a dear friend and the conditions in which I met her never allowed me to see her as anything more than, only someone to protect as a sister” he admits to himself and to Elain

Elain nods “who is she?”

“Please don’t see her any differently, she never allow me near her as she knew I was married to you, she didn’t know of the decision we had made while being away, she told me of our bond before that and even thought my jealousy made me do stupid things she never allowed me near her” he says then he sighs “it’s Gwyn”

She gasps “of course it’s Gwyn”

“What do you mean?”

“You always looked at her a certain way” she admits

He doesn’t say anything but turns to look at her, really look at her and he notices she doesn’t look well “are you okay?”

She shakes her head “I have confessions of my own”

“What do you mean?”

Elain sighs “while we were in the beginning stages of our marriage I had incredible chest pain, I went to see Madja and it was due to my bond with Lucien” she admits “she told me I could reject it but I can never do it” she confesses

“Do you love him?”

“I don’t know yet but I want to find out” she says in a whisper

Azriel smiles “I think you should, bonds are special”

“Ready to divorce then?” Elain asks now with a smile

“Yeah, you?”

“Of course, I think we both should go find our mates and redeem ourselves, we haven’t been the best” she admits

He nods with a sad smile “I don’t think Gwyn will forgive me, I will try until my dying breath but I will understand her if she doesn’t”

“She’s a strong woman, I know she’s been through a lot and maybe with time she will give you a chance” she adds

“I won’t blame her if she doesn’t” he admits “I just want her to be happy with or without me”

Elain nods.

Over the next month they settled their divorce and Azriel with the bit of information that Nesta gave him about her being in the continent set off on a mission to find her, he was hoping the bond would help in that part. He didn’t know what he was going to say or do, he just wants to see her and calm that ache in his chest.

He knows he would never measure up to deserving her, he fucked up so baldly that he has no hopes. He just wants to make sure she’s okay.

Azriel sat in a small cafe trying to gather his through and figure out what was next but he was sure this shadows and that ache in his chest brought him here, he was about to leave when his breath caught in his chest.

He saw the couple and he wished he didn’t, his shadows stood almost frozen at the sight of her.

Her copper hair shone with the sun that was staring to set, she hadn’t seen him. She was too focused on her companion.

His eyes dropped to their joined hands, the man held the chair out for her and when she sat, he pecked her lips and went to sit on the chair next to her.

His heart shattered the moment he saw her smiling up at the male in love.

[theladyofbloodshed]

I have a lot of qualms about Nesta’s treatment by the IC and honestly, ACOSF as a whole. I still remain a diehard Nessian stan, but it’s a relationship that flourishes more in fanfiction than it ever did in ACOSF. I rage every time someone says Nesta doesn’t deserve Cassian when in reality I think it’s the other way around. Every woman deserves to have someone that will put them first, and SJM has set it up where Cassian will always be loyal to the IC, especially Rhys, first and foremost. I still love them, but Nesta deserves so much better than the treatment she’s received in canon, even by Cassian himself.

I’m sorry for that rant, I don’t often see someone with similar opinions regarding Nesta. With that being said, your fic “Nesta vs. the Buffer” was the first time I ever read Nezriel and I loved it. It is phenomenal! It’s also one of the only times I’ve ever read that ship because you did it so well. Have you read any works by AO3 user TheTeaQueen? Her works are also amazing, I’d highly recommend! While they are Nessian, To Pay a Debt and Burning from the Inside Out (both in progress) are also very critical of the IC including Cassian and they feature Cassian apologizing/righting his wrongs. They’re very good reads if that’s your thing! I only ever read completed works until To Pay a Debt, and now I eagerly await every update.

Have a great day and and even better new year!

We just didn't get any cute moments or any relationship growth. It still gives me whiplash that Nesta tells Cassian that she's a viper so deserves to be with someone like Eris then in the next breath, her and Cassian are committing their lives to each other.

I'm glad you liked Nesta vs the Buffer. It was a special one to write. I was actually re-reading parts of Steel & Flame the other day lamenting that we could have had a Lucien x Nesta power couple that would have had all of Prythian on its knees.

I will check out those fics! Thank you for the recommendations.

p.s. happy new year too!

[bluemmings]

CASA: DAY 28

what are your thoughts on max & dejan’s exit last night? why didn’t you vote for them?

“ uh… i mean, we weren't voting for dejan in any universe so… max was collateral, i guess. plus, i wanted to save rhys, i feel like he deserves an actual shot at something. whereas like… why was dejan even here ? ”

how are you feeling about the start of casa amor?

“ mixed feelings… yeah. everyone's kinda looking at me like, ‘ whoo, party time ’ because i’m single or whatever and yeah, i am glad to have new people to meet, and they're all gorgeous gorgeous people who seem really cool. but yeah… wondering how romi is, if she's excited about it all or… yeah. like i know i cut it off but i'm not not thinking about them... and the fact like, they’re just not here at all is really weird.  "

are there any new islanders that have caught your attention? who?

“ valerie… yeah. she's gorgeous, and i didn't really expect her to be so cool. like, she's definitely my type and someone i’d go for on the outside. like if nothing comes from it, i think we'd still be friendly. mali is gorgeous, she seems a bit more put together than me, though… like, she's really smart. and i'm not dumb but she's like professional smart, business smart. she runs a business… so. i’m gonna see how that goes, but i dunno if we’d be too compatible on the outside when i kinda... don’t know what the fuck i’m doing. phoebe is really cool, she's just got constant positive energy which i love and you can tell right away she’s a really nice, genuine person, and i know my mum would love her so that’s always a good thing.  miles is cute, yeah. i've not really been into any guys in here so far but i think he's really interesting and easy to talk to, and there's something about his grin that just has me a bit in a chokehold. plus, marcus and miles sounds hella cute. ”

are there any new islanders you don’t see yourself vibing with?

layla. NAH i’m joking. no, i think they all seem like a really nice bunch. i'm quite easy to get along with so… as long as they're not intentionally being a dick, i think it'll be fine with all of them. 

do you think that your head could be turned?

" i hope it does, like, if not now then when ? obviously i do really care about romi and those feelings don't just go away, but i think it's better for me to just focus on these new bombshells and see where it goes. obviously i don't wanna couple up with someone just for the sake of it, i do actually wanna like them and stuff but… yeah, i think with the way me and romi left things, i’d be dumb not being open to new stuff. ”

what do you think your ‘other half’ is up to in the other villa right now? how are you feeling about them?

“ uh… i hope she's alright. i don't know how she'd feel about this really, in light of everything with us. it’s hard ‘cause i obviously don't want them to find someone better and be happier with them and stuff… but i also do. ‘cause they deserve that, too, and i don't know if we're ever gonna figure stuff out and... i mean, we’re definitely not gonna when we're not in the same villa and can't really communicate… like i know i wanted space but this is literally like cut off from each other… so… it's hard. i hope they at least find someone who's nice enough to couple with, who knows how great they are. we can talk after everything and see where we’re at but i don't expect them to wait it out for me or to not get to know anyone, so... i hope they’re making the most of it.  ”

[elriell]

Some jumbled up thoughts about Elain, Lucien and Azriel + Mating Bonds

There have been a lot of conversations regarding this topic and I thought I’d flesh it out a bit myself, but these are facts/observations that as a fandom many have noticed, discussed, analysed. I just wanted to dive in myself fully.

I want to talk about each of them individually as well as, as a whole. Their emotions and mindsets, as someone who loves all three characters and wishes for all of them to get a happy ending. I will preface this with saying I will be discussing why it is very likely Elain will reject the bond and such things, so along the lines of Anti-Elucien. If you are a fan of them, thats cool, just skip this one if you happen upon it. 

We are going to dive in to the following;

Lucien & Elain  (their choices)

Lucien & Azriel  (contrast)

Rejecting the Bond

New Bonds

Fate & THE POV 

and why the writing is basically telling us everything we need to know...

Lucien 

Lucien is noble male, he has a good heart and has suffered his plenty, and this is why people want what is best for him, to be the happiest he can... Unfortunately I think that in this case Elain is not it. 

He is right to feel that way, just as Elain has a right to feel as she does. I think it is incredibly interesting that when we finally see from his POV we see that in a way he feels as though this has been thrust on them. 

That with his last love he had a choice and so did she.

It reminds me very much of this line about Rhysand’s parents, who were an example of an unhappy mating bond.

We will deep dive in to wrong matches further down, but the fact is that mated couples are not always indicators of true paired souls, that they very well could be the couple that do not end up happy together.

I speak on Elain and her agency a lot because I feel like a large portion of the fandom like to discard it as if it means nothing, and even judge her for it but if we actually take a look at Lucien’s behaviour he is not all that more happy.

There are some key differences between them though, Lucien as a male feels their bond to a different degree than she does, and he also has been raised to believe and respect the bond. And thus he feels a certain obligation to honour it in the best way he can. 

This doesn’t mean he thinks she is right for him, any further than his attraction to her (which like same dude same), he hasn’t displayed any signs that they actually aline as a couple. And I feel like SJM clearly highlights this when she sets examples of his gifts not being... well right for her. 

The gloves we know she never wears show us how little they know each other as she loves to get dirty [which Feyre had told him] and the pearl necklace is then contrasted by Azriels which was very personalised to Elain. 

(The rose, the secret beauty of it hitting the light etc...)

These are all deliberate moves by Sarah to showcase their misaligned bond.

And during Elain’s section I will also be pointing out some Lucien moments that really don’t read well for him. I genuinely believe he is much happier amongst the Band of Exhiles than he is when he is seen with The Inner Circus.

Elain

Here is the thing, this situation isn’t any easier on him that’s true but people need to respect Elains feelings, and the fact is she does not like him. Not only does she not like him but she shrinks in on herself, she looses all the progress and confidence she has made since the Cauldron. That is not a good sign of anything healthy.

If this is suppose to be a romance we root for why is she doing everything in her power to make it seem the opposite? If she genuinely was playing the long game she would have at least started to make them comfortable around each other, goodness they don’t even have to talk, but she does the opposite.

She emphasises that he brings out the bad in her. Again, no bueno. She quite simply does not want to be around him and with SJM’s writing I think this is highly deliberate on her part. 

[And let’s be clear there are countless quotes from the other books that do NOT reflect well on their relationship but I am trying to stick to ACOSF, as it is her most recent work, otherwise I would be here all day.] 

Rejecting the Bond

We have almost a two page discussion on why mating bonds are not an exact science, and that they can be more harmful than good. We are given two examples of it, with both Rhys’ and Tamlin’s parents. And then we get a very subtle hit at Azriel. This is all in the book Sarah said she began planting the seeds for the sisters journeys.

We also know from this there is a choice. But that many force it, because they feel it it right, (much like Lucien is probably doing right now, because he feels a duty and hope that it will work out.)  

Then we have the fact thrown at us that a lot of males believe that their mate belongs to them and will challenge the other male, which we now have a call back to with Rhys’ mentioning “The Blood Duel”. 

There is literally not one reason Sarah would put this in TWICE only for it never to happen or come close too happening. How anyone can question at this point that Elriel will happen is confusing to me, she has laid all the groundwork for it.

Now I don’t believe for a second that Lucien wouldn’t respect her choice, I think it will most certainly come down to Beron forcing his hand to wage the war we know he wants.

I think despite what Rhys said in Azriel’s POV under immense stress, TNC will protect Elain and ultimately stand by her decision. 

Not only does ACOSF spend a great deal of time creating a further divide between Elain & Lucien it also add a shockingly large quantity of easter eggs about “Elain choosing bonds” “Other Mate” “What if it chose wrong?” and again in this book like in ACOMAF we bring back up a failed mated pair to remind you of it’s existence.

All possible signs lean towards them breaking the bond.

And frankly from a storytelling perspective having three perfect bonds that are basically the same overarching love story (enemies to lovers) is boring, she would want to shake it up and throw a little curveball.

Lucien + Azriel  &  Why I think Azriel will have a bond with Elain.

“If anyone can sense if something is amiss, it’s a mate” And low and behold it is Azriel who figures out what was going on with her. Not to mention in the reveal SJM further displays that Lucien has no clue what was going on with her.

I don’t know what bridge holds their bond but I wouldn’t trust crossing it personally... :/

Further still, Lucien cannot hear her heart. Their bond is definitely not strong but you could also argue that is not an element of the bond at all but rather of her abilities perhaps. Since we know she could hear the sea too though it was nowhere close by.

But Azriel did hear her, he did pay attention and he figured out what was amiss. 

It is interesting to me that people took such issue with this when I believe very few have issues with Rhys or Cassian fighting for their respective partners. Now I have gone in to it in depth about how I think that this was pure emotion and illogical on Azriel’s part, and I don’t believe he would kill Lucien so carelessly.

I think it speaks to the same blind emotion a lot of them have displayed for their mates, Lucien may have wanted to see if she was worth it but Azriel knows she is worth the fight.

And for all intensive purposes in that moment he was willing to fight for someone he believes shares his feelings.

Now let’s tackle the whole “Possessive” crap.

First of all, all of the male pairings in this series have shown moments like this, so if it is bothering you here why isn’t it bothering you at other points?

Lucien has been just as instinctively possessive from their bond, and let me clarify, I am not shaming him for that anymore than anyone else. What I am pointing out is the double standard, if anything Azriel has more reason to feel like he can fight for her because she has actually shown him care, interest and attraction. 

They have actually bonded a lot more than she has with Lucien thus far.

And if they truly do have an upcoming bond then judging him on three paragraphs when we don’t know what the heck is going on is just ridiculous.

On the same note of that scene, let’s talk about “deserve”

First of all he never said he deserved her, Rhys implied that is what he was gleaning from the conversation and that it is just lust, which we know is not the case. Clearly Rhys perception is not accurate at all so to take his statement at face value and call it fact is a bit disingenuous.

Azriel wasn’t claiming he deserves her, did you read his POV at all?? He didn’t even feel like his hands should touch her let alone deserve her. Please go back and read that chapter again if you can’t see that.

Not to mention I think that the idea of FATE, and believing in hope even when the odds are stacked against you (AKA her having a mate) is actually very consistent with SJM storytelling and Az. Remember this;

The fact that he is hopeful despite the despair of his situation is exactly what people have valued about him. Not to mention after Rhys says this to Azriel he says to them;

So Rhys too believes they were brought in his family for a reason, some sort of fate.

Amren too thinks they are blessed by fate. Why is it so shocking and offensive that Azriel have a little hope that there is a reason they came in to their lives? Because he isn’t with your fav?

Let’s be honest he didn’t exactly get over Mor in ACOMAF, ACOWAR and then even ACOFAS there are slight moments, thats over a long period. Three sisters didn’t just arrive and he went TAG “I want one.”

No, he genuinely grew to care for Elain, and let go of his past, and in watching Elain not find any connection with her mate he saw it as a sign that the Cauldron was wrong, which we know it can be. 

I don’t know if people are selective readers but if you think that he doesn’t care for her as a person beyond being a “sister” I don’t know what to tell you, we are not reading the same books.

ANYWAYS back on topic.

I think Sarah has laid a lot of groundwork for her breaking the bond and perhaps choosing a new one. I know not everyone is keen on another bond as they feel her free will and choice is enough, that’s fair and I agree to a point. 

I just wanted to analyse the data at hand, and I do believe after ACOSF (I never thought it prior really) that they are mates in some capacity, whether that is because of the Cauldron or something that will occur... I think she has laid enough groundwork for them being Soulmates at the least. Hence why I love the idea of a Carranam bond.

There are so many parallels between Rhys, Cassian & Az that could be taken as little signs but honestly this is long enough I am sure you all want to kill me already for making you read all that hahaha 

One last little morsel, it very well might be nothing but Az shouting after they take Elain is an interesting choice, it’s ambiguous enough that you can take it to mean the pain but it could also be another little crumb.

Basically with all said and done I think she will give Elain her agency back and break it.

And potentially something will occur with Azriel as a result but thats certainly more grey than the rest of it.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

Obviously, to each their own opinion, have fun and ship whatever you want these are just my thoughts on the text at hand!

(Also I am sorry I got like 20+ messages to get to in my inbox, yeah I kinda ignored everyone and worked on this today, sorry!!! I’ll be back tomorrow)

[elentiyawhitethorn]

Prompt- Nyx tickles Rhys in front of all the hewn city members. (Rhys is very ticklish)

A Visit to Hewn City

Fluff//1565 words

“You are not taking our child to Hewn City. Absolutely not.” Feyre’s arms were crossed and she had an obstinate look in her eyes.

Rhys just smirked. “Fine. You can take him with you to your art classes.”

Feyre winced, likely remembering the last time that had happened. Nyx had gotten into a bucket of paint, smeared his hands all over the wall in a desperate attempt to get it off, then started crying. “I’ll stay home today.”

“I thought you were short-staffed.” Rhys knew exactly how this conversation would end from the sigh that escaped his mate’s lips.

“Can’t you go to Hewn City another day?” Feyre asked in a last-ditch attempt to keep her son away from there.

Rhys raised an eyebrow. “We’ve both already rescheduled the last few dates we were meant to go. Keir was annoyed enough as it is to hear that only one of us could come today.”

“We could get a babysitter—”

“Mor is off being our emissary. Cassian and Nesta are in the mountains. Azriel’s on a mission. All of our other friends are busy in some way. Do you trust our son with a stranger?”

Feyre squeezed her eyes shut. “I know you won’t let anything happen to him, I just don’t want Nyx in that environment.”

Rhys gaze softened. “I know, darling. I understand. If you really don’t want me to—”

“No,” Feyre cut him off. “I trust you.” She placed a hand on his shoulder and tried for a smile. “Just think of the look on Keir’s face when you show up with a baby. He only found out about Nyx during out last visit, yes?”

Rhys’ lips twitched. “Indeed. I imagine he’ll be rather surprised. And hopefully annoyed too. My dear uncle deserves a bit on trouble every now and then, don’t you think?”

Feyre grinned. “Absolutely. I need to go now.”

Rhys gave Feyre a peck on the cheek. “Have fun.”

Feyre returned the sentiment and winnowed away.

Rhys gathered Nyx in his arms, ready to head off to his meeting. And really, he was the most powerful high lord Prythian had ever seen. Only Feyre’s power rivaled his own. How hard would it be to keep a baby under control for a few hours?

—

As predicted, the look on Keir’s face was absolutely priceless. Rhys winnowed nearby, then strutted into the throne room with a baby in his arms. Of course a few residents of Hewn City dropped their goblets at the sight.

Keir, though… he looked absolutely enraged. The first glimpse of his distantly related grand-nephew did not seem to meet his standards.

Rhys just grinned at him and kept walking. Passing occupants of the Court of Nightmares, who were all scrambling to bow, seemed to please Nyx. He was reaching out of Rhys’ arms at everyone they walked by, excited to meet new people.

Rhys made it to the two thrones and took a seat in his own. Nyx settled on his lap, cooing.

“You brought the newborn,” Keir commented. His voice was strained.

Rhys just smiled. “I hope you don’t mind. Your High Lady is busy today. Subjects, may I present my son, Nyx.”

The whole room seemed to collectively take a breath, processing the situation. They clearly hadn’t been expecting a baby to appear in their domain.

Ignoring the silence, Rhys turned to Keir once more. “Any important updates?”

Keir was still frowning at Nyx. “Everything has been as it usually is. We only need to discuss how to calm down some residents who have gotten a bit worked up about some issue or other.”

Rhys, accustomed to the vague references to his people, wasn’t bothered by the lack of willingness to share. He was, however, bothered by the way Keir scowled at Nyx throughout this little speech. Even now, his eyes were on the baby who was currently pulling at Rhys’ hand.

“Do you have an issue with the presence of my child, Keir?” Rhys’ voice was icy.

Keir’s eyes snapped to Rhys. “He has wings.”

Trying to keep from throttling the male in front of his son, Rhys kept his tone even. He noticed the whole room tense at his words. “Does that matter?”

Keir frowned. “Being commanded by an Illyrian and his bastard Illyrian friends was bad enough. Now the child?”

Rhys wanted to use his power on the man. He’d done it before. Feyre had as well. But with Nyx there… absolutely not.

Instead, Rhys smiled. “I’m glad you’re pleased with him. Now go fetch some wine for me.”

Keir tensed, debating whether to argue, as he’d done many previous times. But something hard in Rhys’ eyes had the male scampering away.

Nyx seemed totally oblivious to the encounter. He gave his small wings a flap and scooted on Rhys’ lap. A string of babbled baby language left his mouth.

Rhys smiled fondly at the boy. “Hello, son.”

The entirety of Hewn City was watching their high lord coo at his baby, but Rhys paid them no mind. He wasn’t going to be cold and ruthless in front of Nyx.

Keir reappeared with the wine and Rhys took the goblet, not bothering to thank him. Then he dismissed Keir with a wave of the hand and went back to playing with his son.

—

Rhys wasn’t meant to be at Hewn City for long. After a couple of hours, Rhys had the small issue Keir had mentioned sorted out. He’d also entertained the court for as long as his lordly duties required.

Ready to leave, Rhys tried to scoop up Nyx, who had crawled over on Feyre’s empty throne. The baby managed to get Rhys back on his own seat and clung to his tunic, babbling.

“Now, Nyx, it’s time to leave,” Rhys said in a gentle voice, much of the court still watching curiously. They certainly had a very long attention span.

Nyx remained uncooperative. He tried to climb up Rhys’ shirt. In the process, his little baby fingers dug into Rhys’ side.

Rhys let out a startled laugh.

Pleased with the reaction, Nyx repeated the movement.

Prepared and trying to hold it in, Rhys lasted a few seconds before laughing once more. The entire court was staring at them now, entirely unsure of how to react to seeing their high lord being tickled. Keir was glaring with disapproval from the sidelines.

Nyx didn’t let up, surprisingly strong for a baby. Rhys had a bit of a laughing fit while trying—and failing—to corral his son.

Not sure if he’d be able to pick up the rascal and make it out the door, Rhys just smiled at the Court of Nightmares and said, “Your High Lady and I will visit next month. Be on your best behavior.” Then he winnowed away, hoping he didn’t sound as embarrassed as he was feeling.

Gods, Rhys’ face felt warm. He was blushing. Maybe they’d blame it on the wine.

Having appeared in his home, Rhys straightened and stepped toward the bedroom door, hoping to make inside before Feyre caught him. Nyx, still unused to winnowing, clapped his hands excitedly at the change in scenery.

“What did you do?”

Rhys slowly turned. “Do?”

Feyre had her arms crossed. She didn’t look particularly angry; she only seemed curious as to why her unflappable mate was blushing and trying to sneak into their bedroom.

“Did he get into trouble?”

“He was on his best behavior, actually. You shouldn’t be so doubtful toward him, darling. It hurts his feelings.”

Feeling entirely unhurt, Nyx hiccuped and reached for his mother. Feyre lifted him out of Rhys’ arms, rolling his eyes at the pathetic attempt at a deflection.

“What did you do then?”

Rhys winced. “Why do you think anything happened at all?”

Feyre impatiently knocked at her mate’s mental shields, not trusting a word that came out of his mouth. Reluctantly, Rhys lowered them, allowing Feyre full access to his mind.

After witnessing the day’s events, Feyre burst out laughing. “Oh, gods.”

Rhys pouted. “Stop that.”

“Being tickled by a baby in the middle of the Court of Nightmares. How will you ever look them in the eye again?” Feyre managed between laughs.

Rhys sighed. “I won’t. You’re on permanent Hewn City duty.”

Feyre smiled. “Right. Gods, I need to go tell Mor.”

Rhys’ eyes widened. “You need to do no such thing!”

“And Cassian. He’ll never let you live it down.” Feyre was fighting a smile.

Rhys crossed his arms. “Think of the child. What would poor Nyx think of his mother bullying his father so terribly?”

Feyre grinned. “He seems rather pleased with himself, actually.” Indeed, Nyx was stretching his lips, smiling toothlessly, tugging on Feyre’s sleeve.

Rhys sighed. “Oh, well. I think I’ve about given up on dignity at this point.”

Feyre smiled fondly at her husband. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Rhys guided his wife to the bedroom so that she could set down Nyx and let him play.

Upon asking how her day was, Rhys discovered she’d had a great time with her students, teaching some newbies how to mix the colors.

Despite the lingering embarrassment, Rhys was no longer upset about what had occurred in Hewn City. After all, a little bit of sheepishness was definitely worth seeing the look on Keir’s face. Maybe he’d bring Nyx with them again next time.

———

Tag List:

@feysand-loml

@aelin-bitch-queen

@story-scribbler

@live-the-fangirl-life

@midsizewitch

[readiajin]

To Love Herself

Helloooo acotar fandom. Or just Nessian fandom. 

I have gone back and forth loving and hating acosf, but finally pinpointed the breaking point for me. I hated how the story played out after Nesta told Feyre about the baby. There was so much potential with how that whole situation could be handled. Instead Nesta was blamed for everything, with no one else ever taking responsibility. 

Because of that I have decided to try my hand at writing a fanfic starting from that point in acosf. Below is what I would call the prologue and the beginning of the first chapter. 

I have never posted anything I have written before, so please be kind. I would love feedback on it and if people are curious I will continue it. 

Prologue

Nesta didn’t care. Couldn’t think around the roaring. “Have any of them told you, their respected high lady, that the baby in your womb will kill you?”

It broke something in Nesta—broke that rage, that roaring—- seeing those tears begin to fall, the fear crumpling Feyre’s painted-smeared face.

She had gone too far. She… Oh gods.

Amren said, “I think it is best, girl, if you speak to Rhysand about this.”

Nesta couldn’t bear it—the pain and fear and love on Feyre’s face as she caressed her stomach.

Amren growled at Nesta, “I hope you’re content now.”

Nesta didn’t respond. Didn’t know what to say or do with herself. She simply turned on her heel and ran from the apartment.

Nesta ran into the streets, escaping down side alleys, not caring where she went, as long as it was away. Away from Feyre and her pain, the pain Nesta had just so cruelly added to. Away from Amran, the first friend Nesta had once thought she was. Away from the rest of her sister’s new family.

Nesta had thought she was getting better. She had been trying, with Gwyn and Emerie. With Cassian. She had searched for the Dread Trove, to protect Elain. She had initially followed Rhysand’s order not to tell Feyre about the risk of the baby...

But standing in that apartment, Nesta had realized none of it mattered. Not while Feyre cried and Amran looked at her with such hatred and disgust. For all her efforts, Feyre and her Inner Circle would never like Nesta.

As she ran Nesta couldn’t entirely blame them. She didn’t like who she was either. Didn’t like the things she said, or what she did, or how she felt. She didn’t like her powers either, not when they were a manifestation of all the worst things about her. They were all better off without her.

The realization slammed into Nesta. It was not the first time she had thought it. She had lived in her rundown apartment for exactly that reason, to put space between her and her sister’s family. But they had always dragged her back in with parties and dinners, insisting Nesta be there. They only ever resulted in her once again feeling out of place and giving them all more reasons to loathe her. Until finally they had forced her to the House Of Wind

Nesta came to a halt in an ally that opened up to the Sidra and the setting sun. Her red hot anger from earlier was gone, replaced with that numb feeling that she had lived with for so long, the feeling she had been beginning to forget. How quickly it returned.

Feyre’s crumpled face flashed in her mind. Nesta knew they would be coming for her. Feyre deserved to know the truth about her baby, her body. Everyone had the right to the truth. But Rhysand, Amren, and the rest of them didn’t care about that. They only cared how Nesta made Feyre feel, so they would blame her. Including Cassian.

Cassian who she trusted, who she had let in despite knowing better. No one had ever tried as much as he had with her, but in the end he would always choose Feyre and the Inner Circle. He had continued to talk to them about her and keep things from her because of them.

No matter what he was to her, he was also better off without her. She was a burden he had been handling, but today proved it was all pointless. Nothing and nobody could fix her.

Her powers curled in her gut as she stared at the sparking water. She wanted to disappear.

So do it A voice whispered.

Silver flames sparked at the tips of Nesta’s fingers.

Disappear

Nesta hugged her hands to her chest, letting the cold flames sparkle across her body. Amren has been right. Nesta hadn’t had any interest in her powers. But now they were all she had left. They were the only thing that had made her worth anything to the others. But maybe now they were her answer. Nesta closed her eyes and let her leash slip, let the magic decide. Disappear.

“NESTA!” a distant voice shouted.

A voice Nesta knew in her soul.

As the world twisted in flicking silver, Nesta turned and glanced at the sky. Hazel eyes locked onto hers, and Nesta felt his anger and alarm. His horror. All about her. But not anymore. Nesta felt a single tear escape down her cheek as she allowed her magic to consume her, and let go.

•••••

Chapter 1 (1st part)

Do you plan on coming home soon Feyre darling?

Feyre sent a huff of a laugh back at Rhys. Why? Does somebody miss me?

Two somebodies actually. Rhys replied, Nyx wants to show you how he has improved his flying with Uncle Azriel today.

Feyre smiled at the image of her son jumping off couches to fly around the room played in her mind. She currently sat in her studio, working on a painting of Nyx flying with his father. She planned on saving it for his eighth birthday present in a couple months.

Feyre glanced out the window, where the streets were only illuminated by streetlight on the moonless night. She hasn’t realized how late it had become.

I’ll be home soon, I just have to clean up.

Don’t keep me waiting too long, Rhys rumbled back. A shiver went down Feyre’s spin as she cut off the connection with her mate to concentrate on cleaning.

She walked around the room, turning off most of the lights before going to the back to wash her brushes and pallet. As she stood at the sink, she suddenly felt a cold breeze at the back of her neck.

Feyre froze. She raised her head to look at the paint splattered mirror above the sinks. Through the smudged glass she could see a dark cloaked figure standing behind her.

Slowly, Feyre turned. “Who are you?” She demanded. “It’s not wise to sneak up on a High Lady.”

The figure stood perfectly still. As they stared at each other the temperature in the room seemed to drop. Finally the figure tilted their head to the side slightly. “Well? What do you want?”

An indignant huff came from beneath the cloak before reaching up to pull back their hood.

Feyre’s mind went blank as she took in her sister, whom she hadn’t seen or heard from in over 8 years.

“Hello Feyre.” Was all Nesta said.

Feyre stared at her older sister. Not a day had gone by since that terrible day in Amren’s apartment that Feyre hadn’t thought of Nesta. Not a day she hadn’t wondered, worried. They had searched for her. Had even reached out to the other courts when they became desperate for answers. But there had been no trace of her since Cassian had seen her consumed by silver flames.

Now standing before her, the first thing Feyre noticed was how healthy she looked. Nesta had slowly begun to look better after living in the House and training with Cassian for a few weeks. She had been gaining a little weight and some color back then.

But stepping in to the light cast from lanterns on the back counter, Nesta seemed to glow with health. Her hair was braided in its classic crown, but her face was full and tanned from being in the sun. Her eyes still held the same stormy intensity they always had, but the haunted look she had had was now replaced with a silver gleam.

Although most of her body was covered in a dark cloak, Feyre could see she was wearing fighting leathers— not Illyarian leathers. And peaking out over her right shoulder, was the pommel of a great sword. The Great Sword, the one she had accidentally Made. The sword that, along with the two other Made weapons, had been stolen from where they had been locked in the river house. The same night several priestess disappeared from the Library.

•••••

[whats-a-jarjar]

ACOTAR SHIPS

okay i don’t know if anyone will see this... probably not but i wanted to get it out and state my thoughts. these are just my opinions so please don’t be mad if you disagree with me! obviously we don’t know everything so most of it is up in the air clearly. but here we go...

⚠️Acosf spoilers obviously 🤪⚠️

OK obviously this is about Elain Gwyn and lucien and azriel and you know that whole discussion.

so let’s start with Elain. OK I liked Elain a lot in the first couple books and I actually did like Elriel. I shipped them pretty hard. but after reading a court of silver flames and the Azriel POV bonus chapter my thoughts have changed.

I don’t think Elain and Azriel are meant to be together anymore. I just don’t think they love each other.  I think they like each other and are infatuated with each other but most of all I think they like what the other one represents. 

for Azriel I think he struggles a lot with his self acceptance and belonging. like in the Azriel chapter I think that became clear when he was talking about how he was jealous of Cassian and rhys. all his life he’s been an outsider, with his brothers and his family and with the people of the night court like the citizens, and even in the inner circle. I don’t think the inner circle sees him as an outsider nor do the readers but I think honestly Azriel sees himself as an outsider even with the inner circle. as well as the fact that he’s never really accepted himself and accepted the things he’s been through over the past 500 years. he still struggles with who he is, what his shadows mean, and with love especially. I think for him to see his brothers end up with two of the archeron sisters, he already feels like an outsider and that made him feel even more so. I think he is hopeful that Elain could be his mate or that the cauldron was wrong because he desperately wants to feel that love and feel that belonging plus it doesn’t help that now Cassian and rhys are like actual brothers by law. for Azriel I think Elain represents that belonging and how they can all be one big happy family(in his mind bc to us they already are). and that’s what he so desperately wants and loves. Because in the Azriel chapter when he was talking about Elain or thinking about her he didn’t really seem to talk about her personally or her personality but rather sexual attraction and then what she represents (to Rhys). and along with the conversation with rhys I don’t think azriel believes he has a claim on elain or that he deserves her I just think he really wants to fit in. and although Azriel was looking at her gift of like the powder every night before bed Which don’t get me wrong is pretty cute I still think he’s doing that out of his need for love and belonging rather than love for Elain. 

now Elain. OK for her I’m not sure if she likes Azriel. I think she does but I don’t know if she loves him either. I think she also likes what he represents. For her Azriel is her own choice and her rebellion. Since going into the cauldron she’s lost all of that: her humanity her choice her control. I think she wants to be with Azriel because she can control it. I mean I think she is sexually attracted to azriel as he is to her but I don’t think there’s any love.

as for Elain and Lucien because it ties in as well, whether they end up together or not I think they could be good for each other. i saw this in another post but I think Elain connects lucien to her trauma with the cauldron. Especially with her lack of choice and control because the cauldron took away her humanity, it took away her life, her friends, all that she had in the human world and then right when she came out Lucien was like im your mate which  immediately took away her choice in relationships and her control with love. I want Elain to give Lucien a chance whether that’s romantically or just getting to know him because I think that could help her with her trauma and you know if she wants to reject mating bond for whatever reason I hope that she at least tries to get to know Lucien. but I also think elain‘s being a little cold to Lucien because he was just thrown in it the same way she was. He thought he found his mate already in jesminda and then Elain shows up and is his mate and he’s almost as opposed to the idea as she is. I just want her to give him a chance because I think he could help her overcome her trauma and he can be open to love again since i think he’s fearful of it negates of jesminda. I just think the pairing could be cool for both of them.🤷🏼‍♀️

okay here’s why i don’t think elriel are a good pairing (aside from love). OK Elain represents flowers light bright colors life. Azriel represents shadows dark colors the night death. they’re opposites. And while i’m all here for a forbidden love opposites attract story, I just don’t think it works with them. for instance azriels shadows disappear around Elain. While I thought that was cute at first and I was like “aww she’s the light in his life“ looking back now i think they shouldn’t disappear around his “person”. azriels shadows are a part of him and although obviously he didn’t want to go through what he went through and no one should have to, they still remain an extension of who he is. if he were to end up with elain he’d have to change who he is. he wouldn’t be able to be the spy master or the shadow singer or the introvert with the dark past which we all know and love as Azriel. I don’t think elain can be with that type of person either. Despite hearing about her getting her hands dirty referring to gardening I don’t think she can be with someone like Azriel who is a torturer and could be seen as merciless. (which is one of my favorite things about him which is slightly concerning for me but anyways...) Azriel would just have to change who he is to be with elain for his sake and for hers... which is really toxic so… as well it was mentioned by Cassian and Nesta that Elain looks terrible in black. Well they said she looked pretty but that it just didn’t suit her and like was pulling the life out of her. And nesta mentioned she’d be happy in the spring court as she likes gardening, she thrives on light and life. so I don’t think the night court is for her as well as azriel isn’t for her as he represents the dark and literally black and the night court. 

now i think it would be cool if she did end up with lucien and he either became the high Lord of the Springcourt or the day court (which I’m still really pissed that we’ve been through a whole other book without anyone telling Lucien helion is his father like hello he’s an important character... rude). it would just allow her to thrive as,in my option, we haven’t really seen her do so far. [Plus I think a possibility of an evil elain would be so cool. I don’t think she would actually go against her family with evil intentions, but if she made a bargain of some sort and ended up being an antagonist but not a villain I wouldn’t hate it. At the moment she’s a little boring, but then again we don’t really know her personality so I’m open to an awesome character arc]

OK now it’s Gwynriel time!! OK not to start any fights, but I’m not gonna lie, the few interactions we’ve had between Gwyn and Azriel has started a whole feud because it has so much more chemistry compared to the few Azriel and elain moments we’ve had over almost four whole books. but gwynriel. ok no matter who you ship, I think we can all agree that we love gwyn and gwyn is a great character.  Plus I think she’s perfect for az. now I know a lot of people don’t like the proof about azriels shadows, but I actually think that’s really important. like I mentioned earlier, azriels shadows are a part of who he is and extension of him.  now clearly they like Gwyn, they are the president of the Gwynriel fan club, and they ship them hard.  they interact a lot with her a lot. Now I think because of this Gwyn and however azriel will cope in his book will allow him to embrace his shadows and except himself. this is really important to his character in my opinion. I think, and I’m not sure how to be honest, but his shadows liking Gwyn and Gwyn seeking comfort in the dark ( which probably means she likes his shadows) will allow Azriel to see his shadows and his scars and his past as not some thing that will bring him down but rather something almost to be proud of since he went through so much. I think once Azriel learns to accept himself and all parts of him, he will better be able to see that his family accepts him, because no one is really able to see that they’re accepted unless they accept themselves. and I think he would finally feel that he belongs somewhere which is such a good story to me and I don’t know if that’s just because I personally connect or I just want Azriel to be happy with himself and his life and whoever is in it but I think that sounds awesome☺️

so there’s a lot of possibilities about what will happen in the next book which we still don’t even know who’s point of view it is because apparently it’s so “obvious” but actually sarah it’s not so please tell us!! I do think in Elains book her trial, whatever that may be, is going to happen at the prison because feyres happened under the mountain and nestas happened on ramiel and there’s an extra mountain and an extra sister so I feel like that could definitely be a thing that happens but who knows?? I don’t know but these are just my thoughts and I missing points obviously I’m not perfect spoiler alert, but yeah. 

if anyone has any opinions let me know!! I love discussing things especially books!

okay thanks for coming to my TED talk 🙂

[drjackandmissjo]

it’s nice to have a friend

previous chapter --- Chapter 2 --- next chapter

Feysand masterlist

Tiredness came crushing Feyre down like a boulder. It had been a long day, a long life, and she couldn't wait to get back into her dorm room, snuggle up in her bed and let the world disappear, even if just for a couple of hours. It was what she deserved, having let down everyone in her life with her stubbornness and uneasiness.

Despite the initial rush of relief and euphoria, everything else came rushing back into focus. The loneliness, the stress, the hunger.

Although she was the youngest of her family, she had been the only one willing to work. Her father couldn't move from the bed most days and her sisters were far too proud to get dirty hands in any situation that didn't require spending money, instead of gaining them. Feyre had managed to juggle great grades in all her AP classes in high school as well as two minimum wage jobs, one in a diner as a waitress and the other in a small arts & crafts shop. Since she had been 14, she was the only one bringing an income to the table, to make sure that they had food and a roof over their heads. Their father's small veteran pension didn't suffice anymore as soon as Nesta, her eldest sister, got into their city's most prestigious and expensive university, choosing an economics major, and money became even less when Elain, the second one, was accepted into the same university for their botanical department. Granted, they both managed to archive scholarships, Nesta with her stellar grades and Elain with a cheerleading position. But money had never been easy to begin with and even with those scholarships, Feyre still had to struggle to keep the family afloat.

Both sisters still lived into their childhood home with Feyre and their father, their mother long gone, but both claimed to be far too busy with schoolwork to help their sister economically. Feyre knew she shouldn't resent them, but every time either came to her asking for money for new expensive shoes or to go out with their friends, she couldn't do anything other than swallow the bile and give in to their demands, wondering when would come her turn to be a normal teenager and go out with her nonexistent friends.

When Feyre's time to leave high school came she was faced with a decision: community college, since she couldn't afford the one her sisters went to without selling both her kidneys and a lung, or move away to Velaris, to the other side of Prythian, where the art department offered her a full scholarship after having received her request of admission and a sample of the works she had created during high school. She would still need to work to pay her stay and maintain the nearly perfect grades she had in high school, but she knew she could do it.

As soon as the acceptance letter came alongside the papers for the scholarship, she sat both her sisters down. Nesta had started working in an office, putting in good money with a 9 to 6 routine, but Elain was still on her senior year. Fortunately for Feyre, her eldest sister seemed to understand the situation and all but kicked her out of the house as soon as September rolled around, paying herself for Elain's last year. Feyre didn't ask for anything, and neither sister gave anything.

During the summer Feyre worked still her two usual jobs and began studying for her freshman courses and her sophomores ones as well. She wanted to finish early and so she planned and rescheduled the credit units she had to take each year to be able to finish in 2.5/3 years instead of 4.

On September 1st she had packed her entire life into a couple of suitcases and kissed goodbye to her sisters as she boarded the train for a 12 hours ride to the other side of the country. A plane would've been quicker but also more expensive and she planned on saving the money, old habits dying hard.

" This feels just like leaving for Hogwarts" she had thought as the train began to move out of the station, her sisters still there to wave her goodbye one last time.

She had moved into a dorm room and began working at the library that same day, as soon as her badge began working. "Screw freshman week!" Feyre thought as she shelved books and checked them out for other students. She had heard rumors about what went down in that short period of time and it wasn't truly her cup of tea anyway.

Her roommate was a senior in fashion & merchandise named Alis, bronze skinned with long black curls that framed her face nicely. She helped Feyre settle in and brought her to a few sorority parties in the first month, dragging her despite the younger's complaints about wasted hours. Alis had laughed at that and simply replied "You don't wanna miss too much 'cause you're studying all the time, trust me."

She had met Tamlin at one of those parties. He was a sophomore and member of one of the fraternities around campus and began to hit on Feyre immediately, relentlessly. At first she was flattered, not used to guys giving her attention of any sort if it wasn't for exchanged coursework, but she still maintained herself cold and distant, not sure of how to fit him into her packed schedule. After a few months of incessant flirting, although she had brushed him off several times, she had finally caved in and they began dating. "I knew you'd come around!" he had claimed.

Their first months were incredible. He didn't bother her much nor demand too much time from her, letting her study and work. He filled her up with warmth and with him, for the first time in a long time, she didn't feel alone in the world anymore.

She enjoyed the time she spent with him, but then May came and Finals with it. Feyre couldn't move from the library, remaining there after her shift had ended and studying in one of the booths. She simply didn't have time for anything else. She had to keep all her grades up, otherwise she wouldn't have been able to remain at the university.

That was when things started to go downhill with Tamlin. They fought almost constantly due to his paranoia and her lack of availability, and yet he had chosen the worst possible moment to confess the depth of his feelings to her. They argued about her job at the library, how it was talking too much time from their relationship when it happened. Feyre felt like she was being gutted as he spoke the three words that she had never heard before in her life. "Why do you look like it's the worst thing you've ever heard?" he had demanded harshly when she hadn't replied immediately back. "Because it is" she wanted to say, but instead followed his lead, giving him empty words without meaning, because everything was better than the constant fights.

He became obsessive then, as if her void confession had flipped a switch inside of him, and demanded to know where she was almost every minute of the day.

Thankfully summer came and went, the two months a sweet reprieve as she went back home. She had ended all her compulsory freshman classes and half of the ones she was supposed to take during sophomore year and loosened a little, choosing to focus on making a little more money to be able to live comfortably in Velaris.

Then it was again September. Tamlin had picked her up from the train station and took her to a nice restaurant to make up for the ' lost time' without her during his summer in Europe. Feyre didn't particularly mind, but she also didn't like over the top romantic gestures as much as he did. Still, she kept quiet and enjoyed the nice evening, as he was back into his ' old' self, as he spoke of his travels and the people he had met and the food he had eaten. By the end of the night they didn't have much time to share how she had spent the summer working and being overall plain and boring, but she didn't mind that he hadn't asked, since she hadn't been particularly fond of telling him either.

A new school year meant a new roommate for Feyre, since Alis had graduated that summer, and whatever star was looking over her granted Feyre Morrigan.

Morrigan Gold was a beautiful soul. She was pre-law junior and had a constant real smile on her lips, her long golden hair cascading on her back in soft curls. Her tan skin and kind brown eyes gave her an aura of gentleness that very few possessed. She was truly Feyre's first real friend, not just someone to hang out with or to talk to, but someone she could see easily in her life still 50 years in the future, sipping tea and laughing on a porch, talking about everything and nothing.

"That's how you know someone's gonna stick" Mor had told her one night, coming back from Rita's, their usual club, "you imagine being old on a porch with them!" Feyre had laughed at that, claiming that she wasn't 100% sure of that reality since she couldn't imagine Tamlin ever sitting outside peacefully. That just earned her a pointed stare from the other girl, but neither commented and they changed the topic onto something easier as they stumbled back to their dorm room, completely wasted and happy. The next day brought a wicked hangover and Tamlin, pissed that she had gone out without him and that she had drunk, but Mor, bless her soul, didn't comment either. She just offered Feyre a shoulder to cry on and her comfort, swearing to cut off his balls at her command. The aspiring artist merely laughed at that through her tears, unsure of what she wanted to do herself.

But having Mor as a friend meant also that Feyre had been adopted into her Inner Circle.

Adopted by Amren Drake, the tiny terrifying senior that already had a job for the following year as an associate to teach Ancient Greek.

Adopted by Azriel Nox, Morrigan's adoptive cousins that learnt informatics and coding as if they were his mother tongue.

Adopted by Cassian Nox, Mor's other adoptive cousin that could cook a masterpiece and also ' kick some serious butt' at any given occasion.

And, finally, adopted by Rhysand Nox, Mor's actual cousin of blood. Rhys was an English major, a year older than Feyre, like everyone else in their little family. He was the type of person that one day, without a doubt, would win some prize for the things he wrote, but still had to master the art through higher education first. The only way to describe him was by calling him a 'dreamer who refused to settle into a grey reality'. He was an optimist and one of the most beautiful people Feyre had ever met, both inside and outside. Jet black hair, dark skin and a smile that could knock the socks off of a statue, he was also the most humble and down to earth guy in a mile radius. They had hit it off right away, with innocent platonic flirting and long serious talks. He knew she was with Tamlin and didn't push her boundaries. He saw the world the same way she did and she understood what he meant before he even said it.

Needless to say, when Tamlin found out who she was hanging with, he became even more paranoid than he already was. It wasn't only the fact that she hung out with males that weren't him to set him off. The thing that drove him ballistic was her closeness with Rhysand, his sworn one-sided enemy that had bested him in every class they had shared on their freshman year.

Her best and closest friend in the entire world.

She had been forced choose by Tamlin, before the Christmas break, between him and her friends, and choose to please her boyfriend and started to isolate herself little by little from her group of friends, afraid of what would have happened otherwise. After all, she had no one but Tamlin, right?

But as she came back from the free days spent at home with her sisters and father, she began to realize how lonely she was, how unhappy she had been lately. She had retorted back into her former self, into the girl that only thought about school and work, that didn't have time for friends.

Feyre decided to give their relationship more time, to wait till the finals were over and till everything was back to normal, but things never were normal to begin with.

And so, that cold February day, she cut it off in front of all her classmates and began to feel immediately better.

But now she was once again tired.

[epochofbelief]

Breath Control, Chapter Eleven

An A Court of Mist and Fury College Swim Team AU

All characters belong to SJ Maas!

Feysand and Elriel

Author’s Note: I promise, Rhys and Feyre will talk soon... It’s all about the build-up ;) Alsoooo part of this was Gilmore Girls inspired:)

Enjoyyyy and let me know if you want to be tagged!

MASTERLIST LINK

ELEVEN

~~~Elain~~~

I had dinner with Azriel nearly every night that week. We didn’t go much further than kissing, and at most we spent an hour together every night. Both of us had so much schoolwork to do and he had training on top of it, so our time together was limited even though we made an effort to see each other daily. On Saturday, I was curled up in a blanket on my couch studying for a huge test I had next week. Despite it being four in the afternoon, I hadn’t yet put a bra on or gotten dressed. Or brushed my hair. 

I lived for Saturdays like this. 

Feyre was supposed to come over for dinner later and it would be the first time I’d seen her since she’d left my house with Rhys over a week ago. I had big plans to pump her for information and figure out exactly what happened between them. Azriel didn’t have an explanation, either. No one did. It seemed like Feyre and Rhys were determined to keep the incident hidden from all of their friends. Az had told me he was pretty sure Mor knew, but wasn’t saying anything out of respect for Feyre.

Not tonight, though. I had two bottles of wine ready in order to grill Feyre for answers. 

I stood, my cocoon of blankets falling to the floor around me. I should probably make sure I have supplies to actually make dinner for Feyre and me tonight.

I traipsed into the kitchen directly adjacent to my living room. My apartment was a dream, if I was being honest. I didn’t have a roommate so I had the whole place to myself. The front door opened into a cozy living room furnished with a plush couch and a couple of chairs. It was a fairly open concept plan, so the kitchen and living room were separated by a countertop complete with a few barstools. To the left of the living room was my bedroom and bathroom. Small, but cozy. 

I opened the cabinets to stare at my food. It looked like I had rice and beans, so tacos might be a good option for dinner. As I removed the can of beans, a strange rustling issued from the very cabinet I was gazing into. I set the can on the counter and stretched up onto my toes to see what it was--

And came face to face with a rat. 

“Arghhhh!”

I stumbled back so fast I landed on my ass in front of the refrigerator. The rat jumped out of the cabinet and onto the floor directly in front of me before it skittered under the dishwasher, disappearing from sight. I didn’t think I’d ever moved faster than I did just then, scrambling out of the kitchen and back onto the couch. 

I grabbed my phone and dialed Azriel. 

“Hello?”

I gulped down some air before I could speak. “I have a rat problem.”

“A rat problem?” I could already tell he was laughing at me. 

“Yes. What the hell do I do.” 

He sighed. “I’ll be right over. Text me your address.” 

He hung up. I had not intended for him to pack up and come to my place, but if I was being truthful, there was no way I was handling the rat myself. Disgusting creatures. 

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at my door. I tiptoed over to it and flung it open. 

“Hey, Elain,” Azriel said slowly. 

I had managed to sneak around my apartment, shutting my bedroom and bathroom doors in an effort to keep the rat out. I’d also put a bra on and some mascara, so at least I looked presentable.

“Good to see you’re still alive, considering the deadly rat currently inhabiting your apartment,” he said sarcastically. Sarcastically?

“You think I’m making this up?” I grabbed his jacket and yanked him inside, shutting the door behind him. He stopped just past the threshold as I continued into the living room and resumed my place standing atop the couch. He chuckled as I stood there, turning to face him with my hands on my hips.

“I opened up my kitchen cabinet and the biggest rat I have ever laid eyes on jumped out. I mean, it actually attacked me. That thing has an agenda against me or something. It skittered across my kitchen floor and under the dishwasher. That’s the last I saw of it.”

Azriel looked dubious. “So… There’s actually a rat in here?”

Why couldn’t this guy get it through his head? He’d come over, hadn’t he? “Yes there’s a rat in here! And I need you to get rid of it because I’m certainly not going to! Please?” 

He let out a breath and walked past me to the kitchen. “Okay, okay, I’m looking. Do you have any mousetraps or anything?”

I gasped. “You’re not going to kill it, are you? Can’t you just catch it and set it free?”

“What do you want me to catch it with, Elain? And I thought you told me it was evil.” 

“Just because it’s evil doesn’t mean it deserves death. I have an empty shoebox and a bucket. Would either of those work?”

“Where are they?”

I clapped my hands, delighted that Azriel wasn’t going to kill the rat, disgusting as it was. “Under the sink! You’re a godsend, Azriel.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, bending down to look under the sink. But I could tell he was pleased.

I jumped from the couch to the chair nearest the bar, then climbed up onto the countertop separating the kitchen from the living room to watch his progress. “You’re doing great,” I said as he pulled the shoebox out from beneath the sink.

“Thanks for the moral support,” he said.

“Anytime.” 

I watched him peer under the dishwasher for a bit, shoebox at the ready. I jumped when he banged on the outside of the dishwasher. Then jumped again as the rat skittered out from beneath the dishwasher, aiming for the fridge. Azriel pounced, enclosing the rat within the box in one fell swoop. 

He stood, brandishing the box in my direction. I nearly fell backward off the bar. “Get that thing away from me!” 

He laughed. “It’s just a harmless little rat.” 

“I can hear it ricocheting off the sides of that shoebox. It’s trying to escape. Get it out of here!” 

Still laughing, he left the apartment and returned a few minutes later, sans rat and shoebox. Good. I wasn’t going to find a use for the box anyway after a rat had been inside it. 

“You can come down off the counter now,” he said, walking toward me.

“There could be more.”

He walked right up to the edge of the bar to where I now sat, my legs hanging over the edge. His arms wrapped around my waist as he came to a stop between my thighs. 

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I said, resting my forearms over his shoulders. “Thanks for saving me from the rat.” 

“Anytime,” he said, and kissed me. I pulled him closer, my legs wrapping around his waist. His hands moved from my waist, to my breasts, to my hair. I had just as much difficulty keeping my own hands in one place as I stroked the hard muscles of his abs, his chest, his arms. He deftly lifted me off the counter and carried me over to the couch, laying me down gently. 

“Is this okay?” he asked. 

I merely pulled him down atop me and drew our lips together. I was just starting to consider… other things, when a knock came from the door. 

Azriel froze. 

“I bet it’s the rat, back for revenge,” he joked, but I could tell he just wanted to continue kissing me. 

“Shit,” I said, letting my head fall back against the couch as Azriel shifted into a seated position. “That’s Feyre. She’s here for dinner. She doesn’t know about us yet… Unless you told somebody about us. Which would be fine,” I added, even though we’d had a silent agreement to keep this on the down-low through all of our online communication and week of hanging out. 

“Well, unless you want me to climb out the window, I think she’s about to find out.”

“I would never make you climb out the window,” I said as I stood and aimed for the door. Before I opened it, I turned back to him. “What did you mean, earlier, when you asked if there was actually a rat here?”

His eyes widened ever so slightly. “Uhhh… Nothing. I thought there was a rat here the whole time.” His gaze cut to the floor.

“Azriel?”

“Yes?” He still wouldn’t look at me. 

I was about to continue my interrogation when another knock, this one a little more insistent, sounded at the door. I let Azriel off the hook and opened the door. 

“Hey, Feyre. Long story, but before you come in, I have to tell you. I’m not here alone,” I said in a rush. Feyre’s brows creased. 

“You forgot I was coming? Who’s here?” 

I opened the door a little wider and Feyre took a step inside.

“Hey, Feyre,” Azriel said weakly. 

~~~Feyre~~~

It had been the longest week of my life. I remembered how much I hated living with Ianthe as the week progressed. We had kept our distance from each other the entire month of November. I’d avoided the common areas of the house like the plague, being sure to stay inside my room on my floor of the townhouse at all times while home. 

But now that it had been over a month since she’d, you know, betrayed me by making out with my boyfriend in front of the entire swim team, she’d decided amends could now be made. 

I wanted no part of it. 

She lingered in the living room every night after practice, attempting to cajole me into conversation about swim, or school, or my family. I would usually flip a trite remark at her and move on as quickly as possible, but I was reaching the end of my tether. 

And dealing with Ianthe’s tasteless attempts to ‘be friends’ again was just the cherry on top of the horrible week I’d had. 

I hadn’t spoken to Rhys since the night when he’d cornered me in the bathroom of the club.  The night he’d cheated on me with his ex, whom I had thought he hated! He had kept his distance, too, and I couldn’t decide if that made things better or worse. He hadn’t placed any effort in trying to talk to me, or reconcile, and that only served to make me believe he really was guilty, he really did cheat because he was weak, and had moved on without me. I’d said as much to Mor on Wednesday but she had vehemently argued against that opinion.

“Just talk to him!” she’d exclaimed over dinner that night. “And neither of you will hang with me, Cass, Az and Amren! Things aren’t the same without you guys. And you’re obviously miserable without each other. Won’t you just talk to him? There’s got to be an explanation.” 

But I hadn’t, and my week without Rhys and my newfound friends had accomplished at least one good thing. I had thrown myself into my training, needing an outlet for all the emotions warring within me. Should I talk to Rhys? Did I just have horrible taste when it came to men? All those thoughts, whirling around my head, only disappeared when I trained so hard at every practice that I could barely stay awake to study before bed every night. 

Coach King had even noticed my newfound motivation. He’d pulled me aside after practice on Friday night and congratulated me for my hard work. He’d even hinted that I might make the travel team next weekend… 

Somehow the motivation to work hard, accomplish things in my sport, had returned to me. And now that that was finally going well, I’d started considering changing my major to English or Art or something. Maybe I just needed to take a long break from boys. It made it a lot easier to focus on myself.

But some part of me knew that was a lie. I’d felt so different when I was with Rhys; I knew it was partially due to him that I suddenly felt confident enough to put everything on the line in practice, to even consider switching to a ‘less practical’ major. Even though he’d cheated. Now I knew I could conquer that sort of insult, channel that frustration into productive things that would hopefully make my life better. 

I hadn’t seen or explained what had happened between Rhys and me to either of my sisters, but tonight was the night I was planning on telling Elain about my newfound motivation. However, I had not expected Azriel, looking slightly disheveled and embarrassed, to be sitting in her apartment when I arrived. 

“Azriel… What are you doing here?” I asked him, even as I shot Elain a look.

She grinned weakly. “Az was just leaving!” She said, grabbing his arm and pulling him off the couch. He acquiesced because Elain definitely wasn’t strong enough to pull Azriel up off anything. 

“Az?” I asked her. 

Azriel’s cheeks were bright red and he wasn’t making eye contact. I glanced between them. “Is something going on here?”

“Bye Azriel!” Elain said, her voice strained and cheeks equally as pink as Azriel’s. 

Azriel grabbed his jacket from where it was laying haphazardly on the floor next to the couch. I shot Elain another look and she didn’t even try to smile. She just pushed him out and slammed it shut.

“Elain Archeron, you bad, bad, girl,” I said, unable to restrain myself.

“Oh shut up,” she said, throwing herself onto the couch and covering her face with her hands. 

“You want to tell me how long that’s been going on?” 

“Well, if you mean by, how long have I been seeing him, then only a week and a half. If you mean how long I’ve been talking to him… Over two months. We connected on a dating app, and at first it was funny because we were kind of connected through you, even though you two weren’t really close at the time. So we laughed about it and just never stopped texting. Our first real date was last week.”

I grew more and more stunned as Elain explained. She looked at me, obviously finished with details, and I closed my mouth, which had been hanging open. 

“Elain, I’m--”

“Don’t you dare ask me if I think I’m ready for this.”

“I wasn’t going to! I’m--I’m so, so happy for you!” I screeched, unable to contain my happiness that Elain had found somebody, whether it be long term or not, after Greyson. That bastard had hurt her and she deserved so much better. And I knew for a fact that Azriel was a good man. I threw myself at Elain, hugging her tight. “Are you happy?”

Elain’s slender arms wrapped around me hesitantly, and she patted me on the back. “I really like him, Feyre. And we’ve only been officially going out for like a week but everything feels so natural with him. I’m not afraid of it. He’s so easy to talk to, and kind, and…”

I pulled back, realizing there was one question I still didn’t know the answer to. “Was he supposed to be here when I arrived?”

She shook her head, standing up to walk into the kitchen. I followed, seating myself at the bar across from her as she pulled out a skillet and some ground beef. “Tacos okay?” She asked, and I nodded. “To answer your question, no, he was not supposed to be here. I called him to come dispose of a rat for me. Wine?” 

I nodded and she opened a bottle of red. “So you mean to tell me,” I said slowly, accepting the wineglass she offered, “that you called Azriel over here because you had a rat in your apartment?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Why is that so odd? Azriel acted strange about it too. You know what he asked me? He said, ‘Oh, so is there actually a rat in your apartment?’ What’s that about?” 

I rested my forehead on the counter in front of me. “Elain. I’m so glad you’ve found Azriel but you can be so clueless sometimes. He thought you asked him over here to have sex!”

“What? That makes no sense.”

“That’s like, the classic signal. You call your boyfriend, telling him there’s a bat in your attic or a chick on the loose in the house! Then you pretend to look for it, both of you knowing full well there’s not an actual rodent loose in the house. And then you… you know.”

“Oh God. That is so not a thing.” Elain downed half of her glass of wine in a few gulps.

“It’s a thing. I did it with Tamlin. And that’s all I’ll say about that.”

“Do me a favor, Feyre. Never mention this to anyone. And don’t give me any more details about your sex life with Tamlin, either.” 

“My lips are sealed on both counts, believe me.” 

Elain started browning the taco meat. “So… Speaking of boys.”

“No.”

“Feyre Archeron, so help me, you are going to tell me what happened between you and Rhys. I’m very concerned, here! Even Azriel doesn’t know and he’s one of Rhys’s best friends! Drink your wine and tell me the truth.”

I groaned. But it had to come out sometime, right? Now it was my turn to tell the truth. I had just barged in on Elain and her secret boyfriend. 

“Rhys cheated on me last week.”

Elain’s mouth popped open, the taco meat in front of her momentarily forgotten. “He did what.” 

For the second time, I explained what had gone down between Rhys and Amarantha in the alleyway outside of the club. 

“There’s got to be some sort of explanation,” Elain said. 

“That’s what Mor keeps saying. He cheated. End of story. It’s exactly what Tamlin did to me a month ago. I’m not putting up with that.” 

------------------

I slept over at Elain’s that night after she consoled me about Rhys and then told me I didn’t need him. She had mentioned a couple times that maybe there was an explanation that would somehow justify him kissing his ex while I was nearby. I just couldn’t bring myself to buy it. Because if there was an explanation for Rhys cheating... What if there had been an explanation for why Tamlin had cheated? What if I was just getting everything wrong?

When I got back to my house the next day, I realized the door was deadbolted.  Which meant I would have to call Ianthe, because she wasn’t answering the door. Shit. 

Five fruitless phone calls later, I was still stuck outside. I banged on the door. If it was deadbolted, someone had to be inside. 

“Hello? Ianthe! Let me in!” 

Nothing. I turned around, surveying the empty street. It was early for a Sunday morning. Most of my friends were probably asleep. I could possibly call Mor, but she lived with Rhys.  And I didn’t want to hang out anywhere that I might run into Rhys until Ianthe was able to let me in. I sat down on the steps and starting scrolling through my social media, waiting for a brilliant idea to hit me. 

And then I heard the door swing open from behind me. I turned around and came face to face with Tamlin. 

“What the hell are you doing inside my house.”

“It’s not just your house, you know,” he said, leaning against the door frame looking smug.

“You know what, I don’t want to think about what you were doing inside my house. Just get out of here,” I said, standing and making to move past him. 

“Come on, Feyre. We all know you’re fucking Rhys. I’m not allowed to have a little fun of my own?”

I glared at him. He hadn’t moved and was blocking the only entrance to the house. “I don’t give a fuck what you think I’ve been doing, nor do I care what you have been doing. I do however, demand that you get out of my way and fuck off.” 

He raised his hands. “Fine, fine. But I have a feeling we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other from now on.” His subsequent smile was enough to tell me exactly why I’d be seeing him. 

Ianthe was a bitch. And Tamlin was a dick. 

I pushed past him and slammed the door shut. Ianthe was in the kitchen, wearing nothing but a robe. 

“Feyre! I didn’t expect you back so early.”

I ignored her, dialing Mor as I walked downstairs to my floor of the house. She picked up on the first ring. 

“Who is calling me this early on a Sunday.” Mor’s sleepy voice issued from the phone. 

“I need a place to stay,” I said. “And I can’t stay in your guest room because, well, you know. And I can’t barge in on Elain because her place is way too small for two people. And I certainly cannot stay here any longer because Ianthe is now fucking my ex boyfriend. So tell me what to do.”

“That bitch,” Mor said. “I don’t know Feyre.” She hesitated. “I don’t think you can get out of your lease until the summer. Just stay with us. Please? Rhys is definitely gonna stay far away from you.” 

“You’re only saying that because you want us to reconcile.”

“So what if I do!” Mor exclaimed. “There’s got to be some sort of explanation,” she continued. “And Rhys is at least a more pleasant ex-boyfriend than Tamlin, you’ve got to admit. Just come stay here for the week and see if you can handle it.”

I thought about it. I really did not want to see Rhys. But when I weighed the pros and cons… 

Tamlin wouldn’t try to avoid seeing me. He got off on antagonizing me and generally being a dick. Rhys was as reluctant to see me as I was to see him. It might be better that way. And at least I’d have someone on my side with Mor there, instead of it being Ianthe and Tamlin against me in this house.

“Okay,” I agreed. “But only for the week.” 

I could sense Mor’s smile through the phone. “Perfect! I’ll pick you up at ten. I’m going back to bed.”

TAGS----------

@aknymph​ @sleeping-and-books​ @queen-of-glass​ @fabfire​

[snappedsky]

Borderlands: Skies the Bodyguard 3

Skies the crew finally find Rhys and Fiona...and a surprise guest.

*Links to previous and next chapter in reblog*

--

Chapter 21

Now

           “Jack,” Skies snarls.

           “No, it-it’s not possible,” Timothy stammers in disbelief.

           “He’s right!” Claptrap exclaims, pointing at the computer screen. “How can Jack be in there? He’s dead!”

           “It’s his AI,” Skies replies plainly.

           Another word appears on the screen. ‘Bingo’.

           Crying out with rage, Athena smashes the computer with one swing of her shield.

           “What did Rhys do?” she growls.

           “It can’t be his AI,” Sasha argues, “Rhys said he destroyed it.”

           “Well…he never…definitively said that,” Vaughn points out, “just that he removed it from his head.”

           Everyone is quiet for a second, trying to make sense of the situation. Then Skies takes a deep breath and continues walking down the tunnel. “Come on.”

           “What?” Timothy questions.

           “We have to find Rhys and Fiona, right?” she says, “so let’s go.”

           Everyone follows her down the passage, now feeling tenser than ever. Soon they spot another light source up ahead, this one seemingly streaming out of a doorway. As they get nearer, two people scamper out and stand before them.

           The group stops as their flashlights illuminate the figures and they stare at each other, shocked for second.

           “Fiona!” Sasha cries.

           “Rhys!” Vaughn exclaims.

           “Guys!” Rhys and Fiona cheer.

           The four of them race into a tight hug, talking over each other with excitement. Gortys and Loader Bot are quick to join in, Loader Bot patting Rhys and Fiona’s backs while Gortys whoops happily.

           “Aw, ain’t that sweet,” Claptrap comments while Athena, Timothy, and Skies watch, smiling.

           As the hugging starts to wind down, Rhys spots Skies and smiles at her. She smiles back, a bit more awkwardly.

           Nudging her shoulder, Timothy says, “this is the part where you hug him.”

           “Hu-!” she gasps then clears her throat. “Uh, that-that’s a bit…advanced for me. How about a handshake, or a fist bump? Or a friendly punch in the shoulder? I’m good at that.”

           Claptrap suddenly shoves her and she stumbles up to Rhys. She glares back at the robot, who just waves innocently while Timothy shrugs, before facing him.

           “Uh, Rhys, hey,” she stammers, “it’s-I-um…I’m glad you’re okay. N-not that I was worried or anything. I knew you’d be fine. B-but I mean I wasn’t just gonna leave you, obviously. And-and you know, I’m happy to see you. I mean we’ve been looking for you for days. B-but not just because of that. I’m not just glad to finish a quest or something-.”

           “Skies,” Rhys says, stopping her rambles. She looks at him and he smiles. “I’m happy to see you too.”

           Skies shoulders relax and she smiles back. “Thanks.”            “Aw, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”

           The voice sends a visible chill up Skies’ spine and catches everyone’s attention. They all look into the brightly lit room while Fiona glowers and Rhys sighs heavily.

           “So much for a happy reunion,” Fiona grumbles as everyone goes inside.

           The room appears to be some kind of living space. In the center is a small kitchen table with a couple chairs; against the opposite wall is a small stove, mini fridge, and sink; and in the wall to the left is a doorway leading to a bedroom.

           The wall to the right is covered in computers, consoles, and about a dozen different screens. And displayed on all those screens is the smug grin of Handsome Jack.

           “Well, well, well,” he purrs, “what a reunion! Look at you all!”

           “Bandit girl. Gotta say, liked your old hairstyle better. My old pal, Muscles! What’s with the get-up, you some kind of bandit king? I guess that’s an upgrade. Athena, looking as angry as ever. My first body double. I bet you were hoping I forgot about you, but Handsome Jack never forgets a bitch. And Skies…”            “Wow,” he sighs, “so many people I hate all in one room. Rhys, I just-I gotta thank you for bringing us all together like this.”

           Rhys groans guiltily as everyone glares at him. He opens his mouth, hoping to defend himself, when Athena suddenly rushes forward.

           “Whoa!” he squeaks, barely dodging her punch.

           “Athena!” Skies roars and swings at her. She dodges and they both grab their guns.

           Two shots ring out as the bullets pierce the ceiling. Fiona, Sasha, and Vaughn struggle to hold back Athena while Timothy, August, and Loader Bot do the same with Skies, keeping their guns pointed upwards. Claptrap and Gortys roll around in between them in a panic while Rhys stays back and Jack laughs.

           “I warned you Athena!” Skies barks, “I told you if you tried to hurt him, I would eviscerate you!”

           “I should’ve known better than to trust either of you!” Athena shouts, “especially you, you Jack lover!”

           “Guys, stop!” Gortys begs, “friends shouldn’t fight!”

           “Aw, come on, let them go,” Jack says, “I’d love to see them go at it. An unstoppable force verses an immoveable object.”

           “Shut up, Jack!” everyone yells.

           “Alright, enough!” Rhys snaps, stepping in between them. “Look, this is my fault. You all deserve to be mad at me; you can even try to kill me later. But do it after we’ve collected our Vault prizes. Alright?”

           “What prizes?” Vaughn asks.

           “Sorry, did you miss all the Eridium in those tunnels?” Fiona asks snidely.

           “Yeah, plus this entire Atlas facility,” Rhys adds.

           “So this island is the real Vault treasure?” Sasha questions.

           “I’ll explain,” he says and points at Skies and Athena. “If you two settle down.”

           They glare at each other for a second and Skies drops her gun. “Fine.”

           Athena huffs but does the same. Everyone lets them go and Rhys sighs with relief.

           “Thank you,” he says and clears his throat. “Now. One of the theories about the Vault of the Traveler is that when opened, it would teleport its victors to their nearest place of desire.”

           “So this island is your desire?” August questions, “how’s that?”

           “Well, I wanna rebuild Atlas,” Rhys replies.

           “And I wanna be rich,” Fiona adds.

           “So the facility would be great for my needs once I get it running again,” he explains, “and all that Eridium will make Fiona filthy rich.”

           “The filthiest,” she grins.

           “There’s just one problem. Well, a few actually.”

           Rhys goes over to the computers and pushes a button. One of the screens change from Jack’s face to a view of the surface, where a large battle is taking place between the Crimson Raiders, the Guardians, and the Jack haters.

           “That third group wasn’t there last time we checked,” Fiona says.

           “Aw, jeez,” Timothy groans.

           “If we want to take over this island, not only do we have to deal with all of this,” Rhys explains, gesturing to the fight. “But also the Prototype.”

           “The Prototype?” Vaughn questions.

           “This facility was one of the many that was working on the Gortys project,” he replies.    

           “Me?” Gortys questions.

           “That’s right,” he nods, patting her head. “And they created a prototype of your final form.”

           “I knew it,” Loader Bot states.

           “The Prototype is unstable and dangerous,” Rhys continues, “and it’s being housed in the main control tower. I need to get into that tower to take control of the facility, but I can’t do that as long as the Prototype is up and running.”

           “So, to summarize,” Fiona says, “we need to take control of the island by defeating those three groups on the surface and the giant robot.”

           “Sounds fun,” Skies comments.

           “How are we gonna do it?” Athena asks.

           “I’m working on a plan,” Rhys replies and sits at the table. “In the meantime, why don’t you guys take it easy? You all look exhausted.”

           “Well, it has been a stressful day,” Vaughn sighs.

           Everyone splits off into groups around the room: Vaughn sits with Rhys, Fiona and Sasha go into the bedroom, and Loader Bot and Gortys hang around by the door, with Claptrap following them like a lost puppy. Athena and August keep to themselves while Skies and Timothy watch the screen displaying the surface.

           Skies sighs heavily as she watches fight, rubbing the scar across her right eye.

           “Maybe they’ll kill each other,” Timothy says hopefully.

           “Not likely,” she grunts, “the Crimson Raiders will win. It’s what they do.”

           “I’m rooting for the guys in the Handsome Jack masks,” Jack states, “they got good taste.”

           “They hate you, y’know,” Skies says.

           “Oh. Well, nobody’s perfect. ‘Cept me, of course.”

           Skies scoffs with disgust. “Just ignore him,” Timothy says.

           “I cannot believe I put up with him as long as I did,” she mumbles.

            Jack huffs with annoyance and takes over the screen they’re watching, making them cry with surprise.

           “Look at you two,” he snorts, “wearing cheap rags, covered in dirt and grime, like a couple of peasants. You both were living it up back on Helios.”

           “Better alive and free than ‘living it up’ with you,” Timothy retorts.

           “Ha! Yeah, tell him, Tim,” Skies guffaws.

           “Free?” Jack scoffs, “is that what you felt after you ran away? Knowing I could blow up your head anytime?”

           “Then why didn’t you?”

           “Too easy and too quick. I wanted you to suffer; to live in fear, until the day I came after you myself.”

           “But you didn’t. And then you died.”

           Jack snarls furiously, unable to retort. His glare darkens at Skies chuckling.

           “What happened to you two?” he asks, “you were two of my most loyal subordinates.”

           Skies giggling stops and she glares at him. “Aw, are your feewings hurt? Do you miss the times when we worked for you in exchange for our lives?”

           “What happened, Jack,” she says sternly, “is that we spent time away from you and we learned what you truly are: a sickness. And you infect everyone who dares get close to you.”

           “You’re a virus, Jack.”  

[alexisdreamland]

A Court of Silver Flames

Author: Sarah J. Maas

Rating: 3/5 stars

There will be major spoilers in this review. Please don’t read it if you don’t want spoilers. I don't want to spoil anything for anyone.

I have so many thoughts and feelings about this book and about Nesta. This entire review will mostly be my thoughts and feelings. It’s definitely not objective.

This book was good, but it’s not one of my favorites. It just didn’t reel me in and take over my mind like every other SJM book I’ve read has. But I do feel like SJM’s writing has improved. I thought Nesta’s arc and development was great. I loved seeing her heal. I’m glad that she found a way to do it. I don’t dislike her anymore. But I still don’t like her. I really really tried to like her. She’s just not a character I vibe with. I was rooting for Nesta. Even though I don’t like her, and never have, I really was rooting for her going into this book. I wanted her to heal and find happiness. Like I said I don’t hate her, she’s just not a character I particularly like.

SJM added a lot to the world building that I felt was missing from the other books so that was cool. But the plot with the queen just didn’t really flow right. And it made no sense really why Baron was involved. It was cool but I just didn’t get it. At the end it seemed very rushed. The plot just didn’t really progress throughout most of the book. It was just there, and they weren’t doing anything about it. Then it just started actually happening in the end. I liked Cassian and Nesta. Previously I wasn’t sure, but I think they’re good together. They’re not one of my top ships, but I enjoyed seeing them develop. I think we all expected them to be mates, so that wasn't really a shock. I don't particularly like smut but if it's there it doesn't bother me. Plus it's New Adult not YA, so I knew to expect it. And there was a lot there. Like wow. Azriel playing chaperone was golden, but I think we can all agree he failed. Also, the extra Az chapter was interesting. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I do know I don't ship Azriel and Elain. Elain seemed to have a little bit of personality on this book whenever she was there. That was nice. I really liked Gwyn. She’s probably going to be one of my favorites if she keeps appearing in future books. (Honestly she probably already is.) I also really liked Emerie. They’re both very good characters. Their friendship with Nesta was nice as well. They found ways to heal together which was what really made their friendship nice. Plus a shared love of romance novels was a bonus. I enjoyed the training scenes also which I typically don't love. “I cannot survive without reading.” I related to this quote on so many levels so I had to put it here. I’ve seen a lot of people saying how they don’t like how much Rhys and Feyre were in the book. But I loved it. It made the book even better for me (but I love them and the rest of the IC.) It makes sense though. Yes, the book was about Cassian and Nesta, but Rhys and Feyre mean a lot to Cassian. Even if Nesta wanted nothing to do with them, they’re still Cassian’s family. They’re always going to be a part of his story. Plus, a potential war was brewing. They're the High Lord and High Lady. How could they not get involved in that? I still love the Inner Circle. I always have. That hasn’t changed. Mor was gone most of the time and I kind of missed her. I also want the full story about what happened with her and Eris because I’m confused about it. She doesn't really talk about and Eris said she knows the truth but no one else does. So I'm confused but I want to hear from Mor what happened. I guessed that Feyre was pregnant at the beginning. The moment they talked about the shield hiding her scent, I knew. Or at least hoped. That did not stop me from losing it when they finally told everyone. The reactions were amazing. I got emotional. They were all so happy. However, we were robbed of Mors' reaction. "We’re going to be uncles" Killed me. Ok and I have to talk about this scene because I got very upset reading it. So much that I had to stop reading for a few minutes before I could keep going. But I haven’t seen anyone else talking about it. It’s the scene where Nesta was fighting with Amren and then tells Feyre her baby will probably kill her. It was just so cruel and so wrong. Feyre should have already known about this. I won’t deny that. Rhys should have already told her. But that’s not why Nesta said it. It wasn’t because Feyre deserved to know. Nesta had already agreed with the rest of them to keep it a secret. She knew how to cut Feyre so it would hurt her the most. And that’s what she did. There’s no other way to put it. That was something no one deserved to have thrown in their face and used as ammunition in a fight. I get that Nesta was upset, but that doesn’t excuse it. Yes, Feyre should have already known, but that doesn’t make what Nesta did any better. It was wrong. Yes, Nesta realizes she fucked up. And how badly she hurt Feyre. This just was one scene I was stuck on for a while. It was just messed up. That wasn’t something that Nesta should have ever even considered using to hurt Feyre. It was cruel. This is probably not going to be a popular opinion. But Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn being able to beat Illyrian warriors, who have trained their entire lives for the rite, seemed unrealistic. I know they trained with Cassian but still. They trained for a few months and were able to beat people who trained their whole lives. Don’t get me wrong the scenes were cool and I love seeing misogynistic men getting their asses kicked. Idk it just seemed a little weird. I mean Rhys, Az, and Cass hardly made it through. They say it was a massacre. Cass even said he would subject Mor to it, even though she’s just as good of a warrior and she's supposed to be super powerful(speaking of what is Mor's power? I've never understood.). But they only saw other people a couple of times. Also, what happened to that one guy that hid in the cave with Nesta and Emerie at the beginning? Ok so those last few chapters. I was a wreck. I love Feyre, and I was so happy about the baby because they were all so happy. And I thought that they were about to lose them and Rhys. I was a mess. I don't get how Fae can't survive a Cesarean. But I've also never really been able to pinpoint the timeframe SJM has set for ACOTAR and how developed the world is. It just doesn't make sense that a fae with advanced healing abilities wouldn't be able to make it though that. Plus the healers were able to basically rebuild Cassian's wings, so it doesn't make sense why they could do something like that but not a C-section. I also don't know a lot about childbirth anyways, so I might just not understand. It doesn't matter though because Nesta saved them. The end with Nesta and Feyre was great. It was a nice moment. I think they both need eachother more than they realize. The scene with Rhys and Nesta was good also. I do think there’s still a lot to unpack with Nesta and Feyre though. They really need to have a serious long talk. Because things aren’t just going to be magically fixed. There’s a lot of hurt there. I thought the book was good. It’s not one of my favorites. I don’t know what it was. All of SJM’s other books hooked me and took over my brain immediately. This one never really did that except in the last few chapters and not really even in those. I didn’t love this book, but overall I did enjoy it.

Blog | Goodreads | Reviews

[candycanes19]

Playing in the Dark with No Escape  **Non Con**

Please note that rape is talked about in this chapter and that is all. 

Daniel was being treated at the hospital he was committed to by his sister, Piper.  Their parents were not happy at what she had done but she did not care.  Daniel had problems and needed help.   

Piper went to visit Daniel one day when he finally was able to have visitors and she was surprised to see that he had been working out and his hair was a bit longer but not much.  When he saw his sister he was annoyed.

“You are my visitor?” he grumbled.

“I am your only sister and that is how you greet me? Wow I thought they were helping you but I guess it is not working.”

“Yeah whatever, what do you want? Now that you have ruined my life, dear sister.” 

“Ruined your life? Seriously? You know very well whose life you ruined and it is not yours.”  Piper exclaimed.

“I did not ruin my Princess’ life.  She and I were happy.  We are having a kid.  It was going to be perfect.”  Daniel said putting his hand through his unruly hair.

“(Y/N) was not happy.  All you did was fucking rape her and beat her up.  Until you realize that, you do not deserve to know how she or the baby are doing.”

“Did she have the baby yet? I have rights to my child.” he asked.

“You have no rights to that baby.  The first time you raped (Y/N) you lost your rights.”  Piper got into Daniel’s face, “And I do not know if she has had the baby yet or not.” 

He looked down at his hands,  “I never raped my princess.  It was a bit rough but I would never rape a women. I love her and still do.” 

“Bullshit you did in high school and our stupid parents got you off because of their connections. I know how my brothers thought our dad was so awesome.  But he wasn't. He was horrible to mom. And you all treated me and mom like we were second hand citizens.  You and Sean were awful.  Treating your girlfriends like dirt and whores.  I really hope you get yourself together.  I know unfortunately our dear brother, Sean ,died in a car accident after he hit a tree and was drunk after beating his girlfriend up.  But I hope you get yourself together Daniel so that maybe someday your child will want to meet you if they choose.  But I do not see (Y/N) ever letting you near her or the baby ever after all the abuse she suffered because of your hands. Please let the doctors here help you.  I want my big brother to change for the good.”  

After Piper finished speaking Daniel looked over at her and then motioned to the orderly to take him back to his room.

Piper sat there and watched him leave and had no idea if anything she said sunk into his brain.  She pulled out her phone and flipped through her contacts and found the one she wanted and called as she left the hospital.

Your phone rang and you saw the number, “Hello Piper” you answered.

“Hey (Y/N), how are you doing?  I wanted to call to tell you that I just visited Daniel and he is not doing well.  I let him have it but not sure any of it stuck.  He is so fucking stubborn and still an asshole. How are you doing?” she asked.

“I am good.  I have met someone new but am taking it slow.  And he has a son and a crazy past too.  I have not told him my whole situation but when I am ready I will because I really like this guy and one weird thing is that he looks a lot like Daniel which freaked me out at first but there are differences and I know this one is a good guy.” you smile as you tell Piper about Charlie.

“I am so glad to hear that, (Y/N) and hope things are on the upswing for you and your baby.  You deserve some happiness now.”  Piper said.

“Thank you Piper and I appreciate you keeping me updated on Daniel.  I know I shouldn’t have any worries about him ever after what he put me through but I am starting to with help from my therapist accepting what happened.  I am slowly realizing that it was not my fault and I did not do anything wrong and that Daniel needs help and I hope he gets his life together.”

“I will keep in touch and enjoy the rest of your day, (Y/N).  Laters”  Piper says as she ends the call. 

You hang up and look over at Charlie who absorbed in some online meeting he was having.  He looked over at you and asked, “Are you good?” 

“Yes I am, thanks Charlie” you smile and put your phone down and pick up your book you were reading when Piper called.

**************************************

Charlie had been spending more time with you at Kasey’s place and you felt that you were cramping her life when he was around but she swore it was fun having lots of people hanging out.  

You had started looking for your own place and it was not easy.  But then to your surprise an opening in Charlie’s building and he helped you get it.  He was happy that you would be close but knew to give you space.  Kasey was sad that you were leaving but knew you needed a place since your baby would be arriving soon.  

Charlie and Kasey both helped you find furniture and things for the nursery.  Your apartment started looking like a home after a few days.  You were thrilled at the outcome.  It was perfect and Charlie was actually your across the hall neighbor.  But he was now always hanging out at your place because he said it was homeier than his and his was way to bachelor pady.  You laughed but enjoyed his company.  

***************************************

One evening after work you were sitting watching a movie when you started feeling cramps in your abdomen.  

“Fuck oh man” you then noticed that your water broke and that realy freaked you out.  

You slowly got up and went to your door and grabbed your keys and small bag you set by the door. You shut your door and then made it over to Charlie’s door and knocked loudly.

“Charlie, I need your help.  Hey are y…..” before you finished he opened the door, “Sorry (Y/N) was in a meeting.  Are you ok?” 

“I think my water broke and I feel weird.  Can you take me to the hospital please?” 

“Oh my yes, let’s go have a baby” he smiled and quickly grabbed his keys and shut his door and helped you to his car.

****************************************

While they were preparing you for giving birth, Charlie called Kasey to tell her that you were having the baby.   She was on her way is what she told Charlie to tell you and that if she did not make it that Charlie was to be your birthing coach.  He told Kasey he knew the drill from having a son and would try his best but it might be a while before the baby arrived.

Charlie came back into your room and saw that you were stressing out.  He walked over and sat down next to you, “Hey you got this (Y/N).  You will do great and Kasey is on her way but I know a thing or two about having a kid remember so I got you, (Y/N).” Charlie said and kissed the top of your head.  

“I am so scared and…….” you did not finish when a contraction hit you, “Fuck oh man” you cried out.

Charlie gave you his hand and you squeezed it and felt bad but he seemed understanding.

Finally the doctor came to check on you, “(Y/N) it will be a bit longer until you are fully dilated but are you agreed to having an epidural right?” she asked.

“Yes I did and when I can have it please give it to me. I want to experience childbirth but am not that crazy.” you joked and everyone laughed.

**********************************

After what seemed like a million years the doctor said you were fully dilated and Kasey had finally made it in time.  Charlie was getting ready to leave the room, “Don’t go Charlie please stay. If you want?” you bit your lip hoping he would stay.  

“Are you sure?” he hesitenally asked.

“Yes definitely” you smiled when he came back and took your hand in his.  

“Are we ready to have a baby, (Y/N)?” the doctor asked and you nodded your head.  

Charlie was an amazing birthing coach and Kasey gave him full reign.  And after a couple of hours you gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  After they cleaned you and your baby up, the nurse put him on your chest.  You could not believe he was here and how he had survived all the abuse you had been put through.  

“Hey there little angel, it's your mommy here.  I love you so much and am so happy you made it after everything.”

Charlie looked confused and looked at Kasey, “What does (Y/N) mean that she is glad he made it?”  

“(Y/N) will tell you. It is not my place and if you care anything about my cousin please know she has taking a big risk having this baby.”

Charlie was now intrigued about everything but was starting to care deeply for you and would do anything to protect you and your son.  

Kasey walked over to you, “Hey loser what are you naming your son?” she smirked.

“Loser his name is Rhys Benjamin” you say staring at your son.  He was so perfect with a bit of dark hair and the cutest little baby smile.  

“That is a cool name (Y/N)” Charlie said coming over to sit next to you.  Kasey was sitting on the other side and then asked, “Can I hold him?” and you handed Rhys over.  Kasey got up and started talking to him and you laughed.

“Hey can I ask you something (Y/N)?”

“Sure what’s up?” 

“Your cousin mentioned that you were taking a huge risk having Rhys.  What did she mean by that?” Charlie curiosity got the best of him.

You looked down at your hands and took a breath and explained, “I told you I had a bad past well Rhys was conceived because I was kidnapped and raped by Rhys’ father.  He was an abusive man and did horrible things to me.  I was beaten and violently raped many times.  He raped me so bad one time when I was pregnant and I lost that baby.  So when I got pregnant again I was shocked that his pregnancy survived all the abuse I had to deal with.   So he is my miracle baby. Uhmmm now that you know if you want nothing more to do with me and Rhys I get it.”

You looked at Charlie and his eyes were wide in shock.  He got up and you figured you had your answer and that was fine.  You were not perfect and had issues.  

Then out of nowhere Charlie comes back and sits down next to you and pulls your face to his and kisses you like it is his last breath. You are totally shocked at his reaction.  

After the kiss Charlie looks at you with love, “I do not care about your past.  You are the bravest woman I know and I want to know more about you and your son if you will let me.  I want the two of you in my life if you want me?” Charlie confesses to you.

You look at Charlie in shock, “Really?” 

“Yes (Y/N)” Charlie answers.  

You pull him back to you and kiss him back and then break the kiss, “You better know that you are in for a crazy ride with me and Rhys. Are you up for it?” 

“As long as you are in for it with me and my son, Henry?” Charlie counters back.

“Yes” you say and then Kasey comes over, “Oh thank goodness because as soon as I saw how you two act together then I was going to lose it.  And Charlie you are truly an understanding man.  Not many would want to have to deal with my crazy cousin.” 

“I think I up for it and (Y/N) is amazing and I might be falling for her.” Charlie smiles at you.

You smile back and Kasey puts Rhys back in your arms and you kiss his little head and Charlie kisses your temple.  

You were starting to feel really happy and finding Charlie had first been a shock but he was turning into freedom in your life and that was a great feeling. 

[nazariolahela]

Something Domestic: Chapter 9

A/N: Hey y’all! This story is told in first-person narrative, from Riley’s (MC) POV. There will likely be smidges of canon in this, but not too much. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

This chapter ended up being longer than anticipated, so it will essentially be split into two. Whoops!

Catch up here

Series Tags: @burnsoslow​ @aworldoffandoms​ @dcbbw​ @ladyangel70​ @texaskitten30​ @sunandlemons​ @jlynn12273​ @indiacater​ @jared2612​ @rainbowsinthestorm​ @drakesensworld​ @badchoicesposts​ @msjr0119​ @katurrade​ @blackcoffee85​ @cynicalworlds-blog​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @beardedoafdonutwagon​ @cmestrella​ @sugarandspice-milkandhoney​ @superharrietsuper​​

Synopsis: When Riley Brooks takes a new job as a nanny for the affluent Rhys family in New York’s Upper East Side, she assumes she’s just going to care for the children of the couple who hired her. But instead of just school pick-ups and afternoon snacks, she also finds herself spending time with Liam, the handsome divorced dad. Can Riley control her feelings for Liam while still performing the job she was hired for?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: Manhattan puts on its best-dressed for an annual fundraiser, and all eyes are on Riley.

The next week had come and with little drama. Charlotte started her first day of school on Monday, which she was surprisingly unhappy about. I wonder if she had overheard Liam and Madeleine’s fight Friday evening. I showed up early that day to make sure she had everything she needed. Liam stayed mostly out of sight as I got her ready for school. No doubt he was having second thoughts about our steamy makeout session. Or maybe he was embarrassed. Nevertheless, he was gone before the kids and I left. After I dropped Charlotte off at school, Philip and I spent the day doing fun stuff. Museums, painting classes, even a stop for some dairy-free ice cream. Madeleine actually showed up on time from work to relieve me of my duties, and I was gone before Liam got home. Tuesday through Thursday were much of the same. Arrive early, get Charlotte off to school, spend time with Philip, pick up Charlotte from school, spend time with them until their mother arrived, then head for home.

Now, it’s Thursday evening, and Hana and I are sitting in our apartment eating takeout. She’s sitting in the recliner, cell phone in hand, texting Meghan. I hold the remote and flip through Netflix, trying to find a movie for us to watch. I find one that might be interesting to me and turn to her. “Wanna watch this one?”

She looks up from her phone to the TV and frowns. “Watched it with Meghan last night. What else is there?”

I flip through to find another one then turn back to her, “How about this one?” She shakes her head no. I sigh and toss the remote on the couch next to me. “I got nothing then.”

“How about we go shopping for the banquet on Saturday?’ she pipes up. I give her a grin, and we both slip on our shoes, grab our purses and head outside to hail a cab. Hana and I scored invitations to the Enrique M. Vasquez Memorial Scholarship Banquet. It’s the largest fundraiser for New York Private Schools in the state. Every year, the richest and most powerful in New York society show up, rub elbows with each other, and donate a shit ton of money for scholarships to some of the most prestigious private elementary, middle, and high schools. Last year, more than $500,000 in scholarships were handed out.

Hana and I arrive at Carmina — an upscale dress shop in Manhattan — 30 minutes later. We browse through the racks, picking out a selection of gowns to try on. Most of these dresses cost at least a month’s salary, but they’re so pretty, I have to force myself to overlook the price tag. Gowns in hand, we retreat to the dressing rooms. After a few minutes, Hana steps out in a stunning shimmery gold number, with a sweetheart neckline. My jaw drops as she does a little twirl. Damn, my best friend is hot.

“I don’t know what other dresses you have in there, but don’t bother trying them on. That’s the one.”

Hana laughs. “Take a picture of me. I wanna send it to Meghan and get her opinion on it.” I snap the picture with her phone and hand it back to her. A few moments later, her phone buzzes, and I peek over her shoulder to see Meghan’s reply.

That dress is beautiful. I can’t wait to see what it looks like on my bedroom floor.

“Ooooh!” I say, reading the message. Hana tucks the phone into her chest, her cheeks turning crimson.

“Get out of here, nosy and go try on your own dresses.”

I snicker and return to my dressing room. “So how are things going with you and Meghan?” I ask her.

“Pretty good. I know it’s only been a week, but I really like her.”

“That’s wonderful, Hana. You two seem to be getting along well. She’s certainly smitten. Have you two… ya know…”

“RILEY!” she shrieks. She pauses for a few beats, then replies. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes. Yes, we have.”

Half dressed, I rip the door open to my dressing room and find her sitting on one of the elaborate couches. “What?! Really?! That’s great!” I rush over to her and grab her hands. “You have to tell me all about it. Well, not all about it, but you know.”

Hana giggles, pushing me away from her. “Go get dressed, you perv. We don’t have all night.” I stick my tongue out at her and move back into the dressing room. I try on the three dresses I chose. The first one is a purple halter dress with a slit up the leg that damn near shows everything. The second one is a black cap sleeve number that would look better for a funeral than a benefit dinner. The third dress is a beautiful glittery blue gown with a plunging neckline. I emerge from the dressing room and hear Hana audibly gasp.

“Oh, my gods. That’s it. That’s the one.”

I smile. “You think so?”

“I know so! You look breathtaking!”

I clap my hands together. “Awesome! Let’s pay for these and get out of here. I have to find a pair of shoes to go with this baby!” We pay for our gowns and my credit card weeps. As we are leaving the dress shop, Hana’s phone chimes with a text.

“It’s from Meghan. She wants to go get a drink.” She frowns. “But I don’t want to ditch you.”

I turn to her, shaking my head. “Don’t worry about it. Go see your woman. One of us deserves to get laid.”

She laughs and pulls me into a hug. “I’ll see you at the apartment later, ‘kay?” I nod as she gets into a cab and takes off. I hail my own cab and make my way back to the apartment, clutching the dress in my arms. I think about how I’m going to style my hair, and what accessories I’m going to pair with it. I’m going to look so hot, no man there will be able to take his eyes off me. My mind wanders to the only man who’s eyes I want on me. I know he’s going to be there on Saturday. His company is an annual sponsor and of course, he donates a lot of money to the scholarship fund. I remember that he’s also been avoiding me all week. Maybe if I can get a few minutes alone with him, we can at least talk about what happened.

***

Saturday rolls around and Hana and I are at our apartment getting ready for the evening. The two of us are crowded in our tiny bathroom, doing each other’s hair and makeup. When we’ve finished primping and priming, we head to our bedrooms to get dressed. After I’m dressed, I assess myself in the full-length mirror behind my door. Looking good, Riley. I shout at Hana from the other side of the wall. “What time is the car picking us up?”

“6:30. There’s a cocktail hour at 7, and dinner starts at 8.”

I check my phone. It’s already 6:25. “You about ready?”

She giggles. “Yep. You?”

I open my door at the same time she opens hers. We step out into the hall and dramatically present ourselves. “Ta-da!” she sing-songs. 

“Gahddamn, we look good! Ready to go break some hearts and raise some money?”

“You know it!” she replies. We grab our things and head downstairs to meet the car. On the ride there, Hana and I chat about who we might run into tonight. She mentions that her college advisor is expected to make an appearance, and she hopes they can get together and visit. I think about running into Liam and what I’m going to say to him. The car stops in front of The Celestial Hotel & Resort, and a valet rushes to open our door for us. We climb out and make our way inside, walking the “red carpet.” I roll my eyes as the paparazzi snap pictures of Manhattan’s biggest names. All this for a scholarship benefit?!

We enter the Grand Ballroom and are taken aback by how elaborate the setup is. Roughly 50 tables are set up with white tablecloths and ornate centerpieces. Each table has eight chairs, and place cards on bright white cardstock with gold accents. There’s a bar set up to the left of the room, and a stage at the back. The right side of the room features several floor-to-ceiling windows, showcasing the New York skyline. 

My eyes scan the room, looking for someone I might know. I see Dr. Ethan Ramsey chatting with famous author Marianne D'Arneaux. Near the bar, fashion designer Lancelin St. Claire and actor Ryan Summers laugh at something comedian Josh Morello said. Across the room, singers Raleigh Carrera and Cady Dorian are locked in a heated embrace. Talk about little fish in a big pond. I read about all these people in my favorite tabloid magazines, and now I’m in the same room as they are. It’s not all celebrities though. I see several New York educators, school administrators, and faculty members. I even spot one of my professors from Steinhardt. I remind myself to say hello to him later.

“I found our table,” Hana says, grabbing my arm and guiding me to where we’ll be sitting for the evening. I look at the placeholders and notice a few big names seated with us. Matt Rodriguez and his wife Jessica Clark; and Avery Wilshire. The Manhattan School District superintendent; the dean of Barnard College; and the principal of Hana’s school, Vera Thompson are also seated at our table. We take our seats and wait for the other occupants to arrive.

“I feel so out of place here. Maybe we should go,” I say, fidgeting with my napkin.

“What? No! This event is the biggest fundraiser of the year. Think of the connections we could make. Plus, Dr. Ramsey is the guest speaker tonight. Don’t you want to stick around for that?” I can tell this event is important to her, so I decide to just suck it up and stay. We make our way to the bar and order a couple of whiskey sours. Thank gods this event has an open bar. I take a sip of my drink and frown. These don’t taste nearly as good as the ones Drake makes. Speak of the devil. I spot Drake and Maxwell making their way toward the bar. Maxwell is wearing the most amazing suit I’ve ever seen. It’s light blue with tentacles stretching the length of the jacket. His bowtie is an orange squid. Drake is a tad more casual in black slacks and a blue button-up with a tie.

“Ladies! What are you doing here this fine evening? This doesn’t seem like the type of party you like to crash,” Maxwell says, winking at us.

Drake rolls his eyes. “Hey girls. Fancy party, huh? This is not what I was expecting when I signed up to be a sponsor.”

“You’re a sponsor?” Hana questions. Drake cocks an eyebrow at her as if to ask, “What does that mean?”

“We both are,” Maxwell replies. “Been giving money to this program for years.”

Drake nods. “This state has a lot of really good private schools, and it’s only fair that every kid has the opportunity to attend them. I like that kids of all economic status can get scholarships for them. I wouldn’t give money to the program otherwise.”

Hana smiles, satisfied, and sips her drink. Maxwell orders two glasses of champagne and hands one to Drake. Drake takes the glass, frowning. “What am I supposed to do with this?

“Drink it. What else would you do?” Drake brings the glass to his lips and takes a small sip. He makes a face before knocking it back and setting the glass back on the bar.

“So where’s the third member of your Motley Crew?” I ask. Just then, the crowd parts and Olivia herself appears. She saunters toward us — her trademark smirk plastered across her face — in a red sequined gown. A man with dark hair and an all-black suit trails behind her, holding two glasses of champagne.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the hot nanny. You clean up nicely. I’ll give you that. That’s quite the gown. Liam’s going to shit himself.” She turns to the man behind her and plucks one of the champagne glasses from his hand, downing it in two gulps, then sets it on the bar. “What is a nanny doing at a scholarship benefit? Shouldn’t you be watching the kids?”

“I don’t have them on weekends. I actually don't know where they are. I haven’t spoken to Liam or Madeleine tonight,” I state matter-of-factly.

She chuckles. “I’m glad the she-witch lets you have some free time. It’s not like she watches her own kids. Why else would she have hired you?”

“Olivia,” Drake snaps.

She turns to him and smirks. “Hello, Drake. I see you couldn’t be bothered to find a suit for this little soirée? I doubt it would have killed you to put on a damn jacket. At least the babysitter wore a nice dress.” She laughs and turns to the man behind her, snapping her fingers. “Come, Ray.” The two of them disappear into the crowd and all four of us breathe a sigh of relief.

Hana scowls. “Oh my gods, she’s so brash? How do you put up with her?”

“Lots and lots of alcohol,” Drake answers.

Maxwell snorts and takes a drink of his champagne. “Don’t mind her. It’s a defense mechanism. Once you get to know her, she’s actually a ray of sunshine. Except to Drake. Pretty sure she still hates you for junior year, man.”

Hana and I exchange a look. I turn to Maxwell. “So, who are most of these people? I recognize the celebrities and some of the educators, but I have no idea who everyone else is.” He slings an arm around my shoulder and turns my body toward the crowd. He points toward the podium near the stage where two older men and a woman about my age are holding a conversation. and I recognize one of the men as Maxwell’s brother.

“You remember Bertrand. Well, the woman on his arm is his wife, Savannah. The blonde guy next to him is Liam’s older brother Leo.” I squint and immediately see the resemblance. Maxwell moves his hand over to two women giggling. “The woman in the purple dress with the narwhal necklace is Penelope, and the one next to her in the black dress with feathers on the shoulders is Kiara. They’re Madeleine’s best friends from college. And if they’re here, that means she’s not too far away. Those three are attached at the hip.”

“So I’ve heard.”

He chuckles. Sure enough, a woman with a blonde bob and a stunning cold-shoulder emerald green dress struts up to the two women. Yep, that’s her alright. If she’s here, then that means… I scan the ballroom for any sign of him. From the corner of my eye, I see Hana ducking behind Maxwell.

“Oh my gods, he’s here. Hide me!”

“Who?” I ask her, confused. She points toward the center of the room where a man with slicked-back hair and a permanent scowl stands. He’s wearing a brown blazer over a blue pullover, and brown slacks.

“It’s Neville,” she whispers as if he can hear us from across the room. After scanning my face for signs of recognition, she continues. “The trust-fund douche my parents have been trying to set me up with. He’s been texting me for a few weeks now, even after I told him I’m dating someone. I didn’t know he’d be here, but I guess it’s not surprising. His father owns Cormery Isle vacation rentals, so I’m sure he donates a lot of money to this program.” She groans, taking my hand. “Will you please be my buffer this evening? I don’t want to be anywhere near him.”

“I got you, boo!” I reply, patting her arm. I turn back to Maxwell. “Dinner is starting soon, so we’re going to go take our seats. We’ll catch up to you later.” He smiles and gives us a wave before taking off towards his table. Hana and I link arms and make our way to ours, where most of our tablemates have already been seated. As Hana strikes up a conversation with them, I look around the ballroom for any sighting of Liam.

I give up after a few minutes, and excuse myself to hit the ladies room. After getting directions from a member of the waitstaff, I leave the ballroom and walk down a long hallway to the restrooms at the end. Thankfully, I’m alone. I do my business and check my reflection in the mirror. At least I still look good. Too bad there’s no one here to appreciate it. As I exit the bathroom and make my way back toward the banquet, a pair of strong arms wraps around my waist and pulls me into a dark conference room. He pins me against the closed door. The weight of his masculine body feels like heaven.

“I was hoping to run into you tonight,” Liam’s voice whispers in my ear, setting my skin on fire. His hot breath on the back of my neck makes my knees go weak.  

“Where have you been all night?” I ask, turning to face him. He rubs his nose along the base of my throat.

“Waiting for my opportunity to get you alone. And can I say? That dress…” he says, tugging the collar down so he can kiss my shoulder. “If it weren’t for all these people, I would have taken you right there in the middle of that ballroom.” My breath hitches and I run my hands down his broad chest, feeling every muscle beneath his dress shirt. My fingers slip beneath the waistband of his pants and I tug the hem loose, grazing his bare stomach. His body quivers beneath my touch.

“Riley…”

I glide my hand back up to his neck to his hair, where I weave my fingers through the short strands. I pull his head down to mine and brush my lips against his. “You’ve been avoiding me all week. What’s up with that, Mr. Rhys?”

He groans and presses his lips to mine. His tongue slips in and caresses mine as he grips my ass in his hands and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist. His erection presses hard against my core as he nibbles on my collarbone. “It’s all I could do to keep myself from ravishing you. My lawyers called me last week. We finally have a date for the hearing. If we ensure that there are no unresolved matters and the judge approves our agreement, the divorce becomes final on Wednesday. After that, you’re mine.” His lips travel down my neck and his teeth graze my pulse and I feel sparks shoot throughout my body. He moves one of his hands up to my breast, making me arch into his touch. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.” He pauses, then looks around the room. “Think we can be quiet?” he whispers.

“I can’t make any promises,” I reply. He smirks and moves from the door to the conference table and places me on top of it. I lay back and watch him in the dark as he slowly undoes his belt. I hitch up the skirt of my dress around my waist. I rest on my elbows as he unzips his pants painfully slow as if to tease me. I sit up to reach for him when the sound of a cell phone ringing from his pocket interrupts us. “Ignore it,” I say.

He nods and rubs his hands up the inside of my thighs. His thumbs graze the outside of my underwear, and I inhale sharply. He rubs his thumb over my clit in slow, agonizing circles. I gasp and drop my head back, feeling my body hum. The phone rings again and he sighs. “...One second.” He pulls it out and answers it. After spitting out a series of short answers, he hangs up and slips the phone back in his jacket pocket, frowning. “I’m sorry. I have to go. We’ll continue this later?”

I nod and swallow, sliding down off the table and fixing my dress. “I’ll go first. Come find me later.” I lean in and kiss him before opening the door and peeking out to make sure no one is around. I slip out of the conference room and hustle back into the ballroom to my seat. Hana eyes me suspiciously. “Sorry about that. The line for the bathroom was long. What did I miss?”

She opens her mouth to reply when the squealing of a microphone cuts through the room. The emcee announces that dinner will be served in a few short minutes. I notice out of the corner of my eye, Liam slipping back into the ballroom and taking his place next to Madeleine at their table. She smiles at him, the fakest smile I’ve ever seen. He leans in to whisper something in her ear, then rests his arm on the back of her chair and plants a kiss her on the cheek. I’m suddenly seeing red. Not five minutes ago, his tongue was down my throat and his hands were all over my body. Now, he’s cozying up to his ex-wife.

[oodlyenough]

aight... here’s a pretty long yet tip-of-the-iceberg collection on my overall thoughts on bl3 now that i’ve finished the damn thing, every main mission & every sidequest (dynasty dash don’t interact). 

obviously mega spoilers

the good

aside from that one infuriating difficulty spike when i arrived on promethea, i had a lot of fun playing. i found the gameplay a lot smoother than the others in the series (as it should be), i liked being able to climb stuff, i liked having an easy mode tbh!!

i really liked playing amara and i like the flexibility of action skills and being able to swap on the go without having to respec. the brawl tree ended up being very well suited to my type of play, it hindered me only during boss fights and even then at least i could switch to phasecast y’know

i had a lot of big fears about what this game would do and it managed to not do anything that makes me want to, like, burn and salt the earth, so that’s a win

i thought it was pretty funny! or at least on par with the other main games, which always kind of ride the line between funny and obnoxious and sometimes misstep

i enjoyed a lot of the cast, both new characters and characters who were returning but who i had no particular feelings about before, hammerlock, zer0 and ellie as particular examples

hammerlock and wainwright were cute af and it’s nice to see a gay couple in a triple-a game 

thought the twins were fun and funny af i liked them. because fandom is Like That i was a little exhausted by troy before he even showed up but even then, like, idk i liked them as a duo and i liked the break from jack honestly 

a lot of the new gun quirks were fun. i’m not like a big... gun person... but i found some cool ones i enjoyed playing with. 

loved getting to see different planets, it was a nice break from pandora all the time. and skywell was super fun! love the low-grav playfulness from TPS without the infuriating oz kit nonsense

the little quality of life improvements from previous games were great, like fast travel from anywhere, auto-refilling ammo, etc

some of the side quests were really fun. i liked the ratch quest for rhys, the birthday party quest for mordecai, the claptrap dancing quest was sweet, the buff movie buff quest was fun, the quest where i killed grandpappy 2 seconds in and got a reward was funny as hell esp because i drove off a cliff by accident, etc

lots of people had really bad glitches and stuff but... honestly can’t relate the game ran very well for me. advantages to not marathoning it before they’ve released their first couple patches, i guess, lol 

the less good

i played a solo amara and there are some bosses that seem like they would’ve been pure hell to do alone... i was lucky and able to phone a friend for a lifeline in those scenarios (shoutout to @heavybreathingcatt and @valoscope) but if i couldn’t do that idk i would’ve just broken my controller in rage i guess lmao 

why is resurrecting each other so hard? i don’t think i’ve ever done it successfully, because it takes too long and more importantly bc while i’m doing it some enemy will just toss a grenade or punch me and i get knocked away from the ally, rendering it useless

rest in peace maya, the best res AI in the whole damn game, got me through the rampager fight her damn self

there were a lot of characters and themes and ideas that i liked in theory more than in practice... because in practice they felt like a first draft. very often i felt like i liked a thing, and then on reflection thought about nine hundred ways it could’ve been better, deeper, more emotionally resonant, more developed, whatever. 

the angel stuff was kinda nice but... also... my longest deepest sigh ever @ Poor Sad Jack Some People Terrorize Entire Planets And Abuse Their Daughters To Cope With Their Fridged Wife

like the siren lore... wish i coulda heard it without having to backtrack across every map post-game

while i found the game generally pretty funny,  almost all the emotional scenes fell completely flat for me and there were a number of scenes that SHOULD have been emotional that just were not 

for eg i am actually not upset about maya or lilith dying (or turning into the moon as it were) -- i am ok with those beats for those characters, especially lilith getting a heroic sendoff. however... both of those scenes could’ve been more impactful than they were. maya’s i think was better than lilith’s, but both of them felt flatter, either in the moment or in the aftermath, than those characters deserved. 

related: NPCs reacting to major events is fun. i liked to do the tour and check in with all my buds to get their couple custom lines after a big plot thing happened. HOWEVER... those lines are obviously timed which is *mostly* fine but in some cases really, really weird? the lines about maya should stay in rotation for a lot longer. ava shouldn’t go back to LOL LET’S STEAL two seconds after maya’s gone. i missed zer0′s maya lines entirely bc i didn’t track down zer0 on time lol. stuff like that 

the bad

i miss my girls :( we really did keep only the white men huh

the last act felt severely underbaked. i have to wonder how many rewrites this game went through, and how much the back end was slapped together last minute, or cobbled together from various drafts. a lot of this felt very first or second draft, where the characters and themes are *there* but not refined at all, or they contradict each other. the family theme that goes basically nowhere and says nothing. the way the story handles atlas vs the way the story handles jakobs vs the way the story handles corporations writ large. 

for the twins -- lack of proper emotional resonance or development for them is one of the biggest failures imo, because i think they WERE very enjoyable villains and the core concept of like... evil video game streamers is honestly on-brand and funny af for the franchise... but as soon as troy died everything went downhill? tyreen’s non-reaction to her brother dying isn’t even a reaction, it’s not even “tyreen doesn’t care she’s evil lol” which would’ve been a boring direction to take anyway) it’s just.... “we barely wrote a response don’t worry about it”. her endgame is to be a big monster because... she’s ... fame hungry? huh? her motivation fell apart.w whether they went with “troy and tyreen are shitty people who get caught up in a power struggle but ultimately love each other” OR “troy and tyreen are shitty people who turn against each other in individual bids for power” could both have been interesting stories but they did neither. 

i’m def missing some echos on the twins which brings me to another thing i hate although it’s endemic to the series and not to bl3 specifically -- hiding important lore and characterization in random echos in random places on the map without even an indication of how many there are total, how many you’ve collected, where to find them... frustrating as hell. a lot of those echos are some of my favourite material in the game! at LEAST tell me “1 of 5 echos on this map” if you don’t wanna tell me where they are! why is major lore like the twins’ backstories hidden?????? 

and bc i haven’t heard them i don’t know if it’s fandom doing what fandom always does, or if it really is the game implying tyreen is The Evil Mastermind and troy is poor manipulated brother, but either way fuck that entire noise lmao of course the women of colour in the series are just Born Evil but jack and troy and whoever else are just Sad :( fuck off actually 

typhon... sucks... what an irritating character. irritating to retcon him in as The First Vault Hunter, irritating to have him talk about shit and sex all the time, irritating to have every established NPC be like oh wow my HERO typhon deleon what a HERO i LOVE him, irritating that we skate over his parenting failures, irritating that he has a fridged beloved wife, ESPECIALLY irritating he gets a memorial sidequest and maya didn’t . just. bad.

aurelia is evil now cause reasons... bad... 

vaughn also bad lmao i can’t believe they made amara yell “blood feud”... disgusting... 

the playable had no role in the story. they’re just a fly on the wall in every cut scene. this is whack in general, and a crit i can apply to all of the main borderlands games, however it is extremely jarring to play amara in a siren-heavy game and have no one acknowledge it. 

OVERALL... I guess like a B-? Maybe a B. I had fun playing it and I’m still having fun running around in Mayhem Mode and I am def looking forward to the DLCs. Gameplay is great. But while I had hoped this installment would take the storytelling of the main games a step further, it actually felt like a step back in virtually every respect.