#Rewatching this knowing they were in fact meant to be gay and I'm not just crazy is great

[lunadreamsdespondently]

Only toxic couple pairing I'll accept fr

[heymacy]

thank you so much for your answer! i actually didn’t expect such a in depth response— it actually made me kind of excited to rewatch the show so that i can give those seasons a try! i watched shameless as it was airing around s3 so it was really hard for me to cope with the idea of watching ian ‘moving on’ and bashing mickey without knowing he would be back etc. but i guess it should be time to face that considering who he gets married to! tho, if it’s okay, i wanted to ask more cause i love to see your take on it! for what ive gathered caleb cheated on ian with a girl saying it ‘didn’t count’, but was he also the one who told ian to try to be with a girl? cause i remember seeing something about it and it really pissed me off that ian even went and ‘tried’, considering s1 was him being very vocal about non being into girls! as for trevor, i did know about the monica ‘get over it’ clip because i always see people comparing it to how mickey has always been supportive no matter what (of course!!!) and also how trevor kind of forced himself on ian. i wanted to know what’s your opinion on those relationships of his, especially trevor cause it seems like it’s been the most controversial one as he spent two seasons around him. it’s funny in a way because the writers didn’t want mickey back but they still made every love interests ian had to be ‘wrong’ and showing everything that mickey would never do! also, this is out of pettiness mostly but considering all those seasons are about his bipolar disorder, does ian ever say that to his partners as a way to break up? or can i have a little of happiness thinking he just really wanted to protect who matters the most *cough* mickey *cough*. again, thank you for taking your time answering my question, i loved reading it!

hello again! more under the cut bc i'm quite chatty :)

first of all, yes, the "it doesn't count" + trying to have sex with a girl thing is true, and it honestly never felt very in-character for me. it was definitely A Choice on behalf of the writers. in fact, he gargles with mouthwash afterwards (or maybe it's vodka, i can't remember) and says "i think i have PTSD", which (of course) is meant to be humorous, but i do think it was a very jarring and confusing experience for him.

ohhhhhhh boy. the trevor of it all. well, let's begin by saying that there's a lot of controversy surrounding trevor. there are some really rancid anti-trevor takes that i don't agree with, primarily the ones rooted in transphobia, which i think is disgusting and abhorrent. i think people are generally either very anti-trevor or pretty neutral on him. i don't think anyone out there is singing his praises, or at least i've never heard a take like that in the time i've been in the fandom. as for me & my opinion, i think he is an incredibly frustrating, pretentious, self-serving character and he irritates me deeply. i think that while he could have been a good friend to ian, he fucked things up by trying to be his boyfriend. they were incompatible from the start and i honestly don't know why they started anything in the first place. like i know why, i just don't understand it. they had no spark. they had no connection. their only commonalities were that they were 1) both gay and 2) into advocating for homeless + at-risk youth. and that's like, it. they had friendly coworker energy, not electric, bone-shattering chemistry. my rating? 0/10 stars. i was very happy when he was written off and ian was left to sort his shit out on his own, unencumbered by a dissatisfying, toxic relationship.

and caleb.......ugh. fucking caleb! i'm surprised he doesn't get vertigo from riding such a high horse. he treated ian like an accessory and consistently put him in uncomfortable situations for no reason other than his own pleasure and/or to manipulate other people. the ONLY good thing he did was lead ian down the EMT path, and that is it. otherwise he was quite literally the worst. imagine cheating on someone and then being like "actually, this is a you issue." alexa, define "cold-blooded" 🙄

to answer your question, ian never credits his bipolar disorder when ending things with any other partner, no. trevor ended because ian ran off with mickey and lied to him about it/cheated on him (though they did spend another season in each other's lives in a really strange capacity, which was an interesting choice by the writers) and caleb ended because he cheated on ian. caleb was a clean break whereas trevor was super messy and drawn-out. but no, he doesn't talk about wanting to protect them from his disorder during their breakups. he tells them both about it early on, is transparent about it, and expresses his concerns about it being a lot to handle, but it isn't credited as the reason for the breakups, no.

i think when it comes to ian protecting mickey from his disorder, it's important for us to view things through an ian-centric lens. why did he do what he did? was it solely to protect mickey, or was it coming from a place of insecurity? a place where he felt like a burden? a place where he felt hopeless and aimless and scared? post-episode and post-diagnosis, it's very common to fall into what i like to call The Pit, which is essentially a shallow bed of self-loathing and the desire to self-isolate away from everyone and everything. we see a lot of that in the end of s5 and the beginning of s6. he's made himself very small, is afraid to do nearly anything for fear of further destruction, and feels incredibly trapped and frightened by his circumstances. all of these factors contribute to his behaviors and choices, including (but not limited to) breaking up with mickey. did he end things because he didn't want mickey to spend his life coping with the realities of loving someone with this disorder? yes. but he did what he did because he was scared. and i think it's really important we make that distinction when talking about and analyzing that storyline.

as always, if there's anything you want to talk about or if you have any other questions you are always welcome in my inbox! i hope you're having a lovely day 💛

[darkfire359]

Thoughts on e8-e10 of The Terror

(The final entry in my posting saga)

I went in expecting expecting literally everyone to die on this "doomed" expedition. So in that sense, Crozier and Silna surviving meant that things weren't as bad as they could have been. But also... holy shit, Jopson's death was heartbreaking. The fact that he didn't know what happened to Crozier and so he thought he'd been abandoned by his captain was so incredibly tragic. And undeserved! Like I'd argue that Jopson probably dies in a worse way than basically anyone else in the series (maaaaybe not Sir John, but Sir John also got some karmic retribution for disrespecting Silna's dad and for putting everyone's lives at risk). So WHY did Johnson have to die alone, in pain, and thinking he'd been left behind by the man he cared about most? I am so upset by this.

Thoughts on some other deaths:

Goodsir's was not as sad for me when it happened—he at least got to kind of choose how it happened, and it seemed like he'd at least accomplish saving Crozier. Ultimately it seemed like it didn't do that much though, and Silna's reaction to seeing his body was also heartbreaking.

Fitzjames's was sad, but in a more heartwarming way? At least he got to die with someone he cared about next to him. I definitely understand people shipping Crozier/Fitzjames now.

Gibson's death I think I had spoiled a while ago, so my main takeaway was that it was less gay than I expected. Like, it was still reasonably gay, but I expected it to be very gay. The thing that gets me is that I'm not sure whether or not Hickey did it out of love (Goodsir had just explained to Gibson that he was going to die from illness eventually but that he would suffer PAINFULLY first) or pragmatism, because Hickey wasn't in the tent when Goodsir gave the diagnosis. Did he overhear it and want to keep Gibson from suffering? Or was it actually just that Goodsir said that Gibson couldn't haul? Characters having already canonically fucked does NOT stop me from wanting to analyze the homoeroticism of their subsequent scenes.

I feel like the Crozier/Fitzjames death scene and the Hickey/Gibson one were explicit parallels of each other, given that Crozier also mercy killed Fitzjames (massaging the poison down his throat) and Fitzjames tried to get Crozier to eat him. TBH I kind of feel like Crozier should have indeed done so—given that Team Hickey ended up finding Fitzjames's body anyway, it's likely that he got eaten regardless. Surely one wouldn't want other men to be the ones to eat their boyfriend, right? (Relatedly, Fitzjames saying "Use my body!" also sent my mind in directions away from the seriousness of the scene.)

Speaking of scenes where someone sadly and homoerotically holds their BF, the Bridgens/Peglar stuff was also sad and sweet. Probably if I rewatch the series and actually pay attention to them more earlier, it would be even more so.

Now I'm sad about Jopson's death again because he was all alone and abandoned. :'(

Also it's sad that Little died without ever being able to tell Crozier that he TRIED to rescue him. I initially thought that Crozier legitly wanted the men to go south, so the fact that he'd been misleading Team Hickey and had actually been counting on Little to rescue him was tragic.

Blanky’s death seemed like the happiest—he got to finally discover the Northwest Passage, while wearing his WTF fork outfit. Good for him, that badass deserved something cool.

My friend that I was watching with hates Hickey now and so was happy when he died. I was fully expecting Hickey's crazy murder schemes to come up at some point and so my opinion on Hickey didn't change that much. I do think it would have felt weird for the plot to *not* have Hickey die though.

Speaking of Hickey, some obligatory Hickeyposting:

I love how he somehow manages to be comic relief in addition to being the primary villain. I laughed my ass off at the reveal that he murdered a guy and stole his identity completely unnecessarily, out of a mistaken impression he'd get to summer in the Caribbean. Also the scene where he started singing while all of his men were panicking about the Tuunbaq was black comedy hilarious.

Way before this episode, I saw some shots of him with a noose around his neck. I assumed I'd been spoiled for his death scene. Then I saw those shots tagged as being from e8, and I figured that I probably hadn't been. I was correct! (Later I got spoiled on the real death.)

Crazy as he is, I feel like he had to have been like, "Wow, um, okay," when Crozier's approach to cannibalism was to cut off and eat Goodsir's raw, calloused, foot skin.

I didn't initially appreciate how TINY he is. There was a scene where he was standing in between Gibson and someone else and he was just soooo much shorter than both of them. So brave of the creators to canonically make him a top.

I expected him to kill more people. I think Gibson might have even been the only person he *directly* murdered in these three episodes? He definitely caused quite a lot of trouble though.

I think I got trolled into thinking that the Tunbaaq would die from choking on Hickey's evil evil soul, rather than choking on a literal chain. Whoops.

I was surprised that Hickey didn't bring up more audience-compelling points during his hanging speech. Or maybe I was surprised that Crozier was as straightforwardly good as he turned out to be? I think it might've been cool if Hickey had been able to call out Crozier on real flaws, rather than mistakenly interpreting his plan to resign and lead a team south as something selfish.

[girljpg]

i warched good omens season 2

i have a lot to say that doesn't really amount to anything so i'm gonna start typing at random

i liked the romantic vibe of the season and all the cute flashbacks. the dialogue between the leads was appropriately trusting and sweet. they really leaned into showing how they rely on each other. i also like that the conflict was pretty small in scale compared to season 1. it's not armageddon, but there were still some stakes if you include all the humans that almost died. although.... heaven and hell seem to know exactly where crowley and aziraphale are... yes, they fooled them at the end of s1, but wouldn't they idk. try other means? why didn't they get their names erased from the book of life earlier if that was something higher up angels could do? whatever

i like that there were real actual gay characters (lesbians even! who looked like real people!) even though I was worried they were getting together too fast, the reveal towards the end that they were going to move slow felt realistic. but them having to talk crowley into confessing his feelings felt ripped straight from a fanfiction. the lesbians comparing themselves to aziraphale and crowley was a bit on the nose. many moments did in fact feel like fanfiction. the dancing together, the "I need you!", the "We can just be us." all of that was cute and probably something i would've written idk could you do any better??? i am not immune to fluff. but also, that's a grown man. does it not take agency away from the character to have his relationship explained to him? and then they had the gall to not even show us this conversation. ideally he would've come to a conclusion about his feelings on his own-- perhaps after seeing gabe and beez fuck off to alpha centauri and going huh. i guess you can just do that. or even just through way of flashback-- oh no wait. all of the flashbacks were from aziraphale's point of view for some reason. why didn't azi get any realizations? you know michael sheen would've ate

the "i was wrong dance" well here's the thing i did clap

I thought the set of the street in london with all the little shops looked nice although there were always so so many extras walking around. is london really that crowded?

i thought they kind of wasted muriel's character. she seems to disappear for a long time before the plot calls for her to conveniently be there. i know she's meant to be a bit dim but surely she noticed 70 demons walking down the street.... ALSO i thought the book crowley handed her was going to be good omens but it. was not

looooved shax loved new beelzebub. who else. idk everyone was really giving it their all. megatron showed up for all of two episodes i think but was pivotal for the ending. what are you doing neil. gabriel is also doing. things. they wasted jon hamm as well by making him a frustrating himbo. one of the only scenes i liked with him was crowley yelling at him for trying to kill aziraphale in s1 and then trying to jump out a window and then calling crowley nice. but that whole bit felt more like a crowley scene than a gabe scene. he does get a mug with his name on it tho and hypocritically falls in love with the fly lady so all is forgiven.

i'm gonna be real with you all.. the way they filmed the kiss felt awkward. the way the camera swings around and crowley grabs him felt very....... rehearsed? a little unnatural, i think. the way crowley LUNGES. idk i need to rewatch the last ten minutes again. and it went on so long. we got like three of four angles on it like whoah. but the reaction face we got out of michael sheen. mamma mia

"I forgive you." asdejgkasdgahdgdfs when i say i paused the ep for extended laughter lmfaoooooo. clutching a wine bottle to my chest and cheering. this fucken guy. babygirl is distraught for all of about ten seconds before it's time to start the new job. i did start yelling at my screen after that point. he had no right to look crowley dead in the eye across the street and not run back to him. COWARRD. i understand why he did it but COWARD. why, after sooo long, would you think crowley would jump for joy to be an angel again... i watched all eight minutes of the credits certain that there was going to be more but nope. catch ya next time for the second coming (of jesus?? <- does not know things about the bible)

so i was pretty satisfied with that watch. i wish the season was longer than 6 episodes but tbh they had to make this story from nothing and it shows in the romcom hijinks and threadbare mystery. but it was fun and went by quickly. then i check on the fandom and they're, get this, upset for some reason about this ending. there's no pleasing some fans i guess. good job neil you've pissed off the people who wanted them to kiss AND the people who didn't want them to kiss, bravo! hopefully in a month or so everyone will cool down about it. and if not well. plenty of fanfic fodder until season 3. not that i read good omens fanfic, but it'll be there. just be happy there was a kiss alright!!!!!!?!!!1

(i just know we're going to get a flood of people calling aziraphale a big meanie and crowley a poor little scrimbly blimbo meow meow who got rejected. booooo stop that right now)

[reggieslocket]

prepare yourselves because i'm going to give you a bunch of reasons and hints that will show you the high chance of eddie being actually gay and him and steve becoming a thing >:)

1. "freak" as a queercoded word

let's start with the scene where dustin, robin, steve and max find eddie in the house where he was hiding and particularly on the dialogue between the five of them

there's this scene where eddie says something about how the people in town are getting ready to hunt him because they think he's guilty and he says "hunt the freak right?" and we see robin giving him an almost sad but understating look before replying "exactly" and i find it curios that they made her respond that out of everyone, i feel like it could be because she kind of relates to eddie's situation? she also would probably be considered a freak by people if they knew about her sexuality and that's why i believe the word has a queercoded meaning, if you think about it, "freak" was already used in the past seasons when bullies made fun of will, who also happens to be a queercoded character (even though we know he's coming out this season)

2. the handkerchief code

the handkerchief code gained popularity in the 70s and later on in the 80s and it was used especially by gay men to let others know their sexual preferences and fetishes. there were different and specific meanings depending on the color of your handkerchief and where you decided to put it (left pocket or right pocket)

now if you watch closely eddie can be seen wearing a black hanky in his left pocket throughout the seven episodes and of course these little details have their own meaning, in fact the black one was used to indicate S&M (sadomasochism) and as mentioned before the fact that it is placed in his left pocket isn't casual because that placement indicated that the person wearing it was a top (the dominant one in bed) while if you put it in your right pocket it meant you were a bottom (the submissive one)

this whole hanky thing made quite sense for me except for the fact that it was hard to believe that eddie is into sadomasochism but then rewatching the show a few days ago i noticed some handcuffs in his room and i found it weird because honestly what is a 20 year old man doing with those? he's not a cop or anything and so the fact that they are in his room is a bit strange for me... i just hope that the choice of making eddie wear the handkerchief isn't casual but a powerful move by the duffer brothers in order to hint at his sexuality

3. joe and joseph's interview

this interview really do be getting my hopes up. basically the interviewer asks joe what season one steve would think of his season four self and he replies with "surprised, approving... approval" WHILE looking and smiling at joseph who is also grinning, like there's no way they aren't hiding something and i hope it's the relationship between steve and eddie and steve's bisexuality. plus the fact that even maya is smiling while it seems like natalia is the only one able to be subtle about the whole thing lmao

then obviously there are steddie-antis saying that he would be approving of him and nancy getting back together but like... what should he be approving of? they were already a couple in season one so it wouldn't make much sense

4. gaten ships them as well

remember: if gaten ships it then it's canon

i love how the first couple that came to his mind is steddie and how proudly he says their names. he seemed so serious while saying it that it made me reflect on the fact that it's not that impossible seeing it happen and if not in season 4 maybe in season 5 since i read somewhere that luckily neither steve nor eddie are going to die in the last two episodes of this season (i don't know if it's true but let's hope so)

5. the chrissy-eddie thing

almost everyone who hates the fact that we headcanon eddie as gay will give the same explanation that he is clearly straight because he was flirting with chrissy and honestly i didn't see that as flirting at all, i just thought he was being really nice to her like he is to everyone. she was having a hard time and he was able to make her laugh and loosen up a little, i didn't find it as something romantic and furthermore who says that every interaction between a man a woman has to be romantic?

like friendship exists as well people?? and don't try and say "tHeRe cAn'T bE sO mAnY qUeEr cHaRaCtErS iN oNe sHoW, iT's nOt rEaLiStIc" like trust me it's more realistic having a group of only (or almost) queer people than one where everyone is straight and i know the show takes place in the 80s but gay people existed even then but they just couldn't openly say it so stfu

6. steve's attempts to find a girlfriend

we all know mama steve is trying his hardest to find a girlfriend but none of them really "suists" him right? what if eddie is the person that suits him? i mean it would be epic if he spent two seasons trying to find a girlfriend and then he ends up with a dude lol, i'd like to see bi steve happening so bad and i just know that robin would be super supportive of him and my boy dustin would be the happiest person on earth if his two dads got together

you can't tell me that they aren't developing a little crush on each other or that they don't care about each other, just look at eddie's face and his loving eyes in that scene and steve staring at eddie's lips for the whole time. i swear if they are really trying to get nancy and steve back together i'll start a riot because honestly they would be so forced, it wouldn't be good for both of their character development and also my boy jonathan doesn't deserve this, they made jancy dirty this season and i'm still pissed ugh

anyway if you read the whole thing ily and thanks for coming to my ted talk :)

[ichigokeks]

"Thua really said "I respect your love!" and went on to disrespect the shit out of it."

As some Twitter users pointed out, Ayan hinted at some things about Thua to his mom when they were at the cafe at a time where Thua wasn't publicly out, especially to his parents. And you can see him panic briefly and brush it off/divert the subject. Especially when he was suffering inner turmoil in regards to his stepfather telling him to he more "manly". Obviously Ayan didn't know this, but still.

He may have indirectly/subconsciously learned that it's ok to out someone if it's for the "better good", as that was the example Ayan set for Thua.

It doesn't make it any better, of course, but remember that they're highschool students (17/18 yrs old) who typically don't think before they do shit and they're not the best at empathy.

It was, essentially, a tit-for-tat situation where I truly believe Thua wasn't doing it out of malice, but just that he may have learned- or interpreted (incorrectly)- that outing someone was fine if it's for a "good cause" or if you have "good intentions".

And I'm not defending Thua, but people shouldn't view the situation from their own adult, mature point of view and pass judgment from a mature perspective when the characters are not adult or mature. And this is not negating that what Thua did was shitty, but Ayan hinting/teasing at stuff to someone's parents wasn't good either... Ayan was doing it with good intentions, but so was Thua 😬

Hi, sorry for taking a bit longer to answer. It got busy and I wanted to answer properly. So this will be a long answer.

TLDR: I mostly agree with your points. Ayan crossed the line, too, yes. But it is in no way comparable to what Thua did. They are all flawed in a way but I think that's good. It makes them real and human. Still, we should discuss their flaws.

Full and detailed answer in the following. This is obviously my opinion and interpretation of things.

I don't want to come across as haughty or anything. I fully agree with you that one shouldn't forget that these characters are teenagers and are not mature yet, so they might do foolish things. But that doesn't mean that their actions cannot or shouldn't be judged. And at the end of the day, this is still fiction... Still, considering that the show is meant as social criticism and a paint a realistic picture of what it is like to be a queer person in Thailand, discussing the show and taking the plot serious, is very much justified.

Good intention often cause quite the harm, this goes for adults as well as for teenagers.

I rewatched the scene at the coffee shop just to be sure and Ayan doesn't hint at Thua being gay at all. He didn't out Thua nor did he say: Your son feels uncomfortable around his step-dad! And still I think Ayan crossed a line to meddle in Thua's family business. In that point, I agree with you. At least, Ayan knows this himself, he says it out loud and apologises for it.

However, I cannot quite see Thua's good intentions. He wanted everyone to stop lying? For what? He wanted the curse to stop? He continued it. His motivation is a mess.

I am a teacher so I work with teenagers and I see it up close how teenagers often do things without thinking it through. For many teenagers around that age things are mostly black and white/right or wrong and they often cannot see the consequences of their actions to a larger extent. This is a simple neurological and psychological fact about how the brain and thinking develops with age. It is entirely normal - as you also said. But especially because of that it is NECESSARY to teach and educate teenagers of where the line is and what consequences follow when they cross the line. And further, more often than not, certain actions or opinions are neither right or wrong. It is difficult to grasp that different opinions both have the right to co-exist and that some questions do not have a definite answer. There are many things that exist in a grey area.

Thua considered what Akk was doing as wrong and drew the conclusion that he should face punishment for that. Lying is wrong, covering up is wrong. A wrong must be put right, so he does that by exposing everything without considering that lying isn't always bad (it really isn't, if you are a Kant follower, we can only agree to disagree on that one). He doesn't consider WHY people acted the way they did. He doesn't consider that for a long time Akk did the curse because he believed he was doing the right thing as well!

He simply considers his definition and understanding of right and wrong as the correct one without having all the facts. This is immature and age-appropriate in a way. I can forgive that.

But outing Akk and Ayan was in no way necessary for Thua's goals. It was unnecessarily cruel and served no purpose at all. I do not get why Thua should have said that. That's why I was mad. A person who suffered under homophobic bullying exposed Akk and villainised him by adding that he was in a relationship with a guy.

Thua doesn't even consider anything he has done as crossing a line neither did he apologise. He is facing no consequences for his actions so far. We have seen Akk suffer TERRIBLY under what he has done. He feels the whole weight of the curse. Thua is completely fine after having outed his closest friends publically, exposed one of his friends who will most likely lose his scholarship because of it, which means effectively ruining his life. And he is fine? Don't get me wrong. Akk has to face consequences for what he has done. But the fact that he was pressured into it has to be considered...

The beauty of it all is that the characters in this series are flawed because they're human. They feel real this way. But all the more reason to address their flaws and discuss them.

[mickgaydolenz]

i'm digging the weeb-grave deeper <3 top five anime?

jo…….jo…… exposing me like this, for everyone to see 😔 (but also thank you interweb bestie 💖💖💖💖💖) p.s i fucking dare you to post your top five anime so we can both go down in this weeb trashfire together 💖😊

1. Monster - both the anime and manga wrecked me. destroyed me. husked me out into nothing but a hollow thing of a person. i could go on for fucking YEARS as to why this is the best anime of all time, but let me just sum it up by saying i’ve never experienced a more well thought out plot, a more well developed cast of characters, or a more well developed world in my whole fucking life and i will go to the grave believing that. also i’m full on in love with eva, she is my everything, my sun, my moon, the light in my life etc 💖💖💖✌️😔

2. Okay this is kind of cheating because it’s the franchise i love and not one anime in particular BUT Lupin The Third - my twin and i both fucking love the Lupin franchise. one of the old series, i think green jacket??? aired on tv when we were younger and we were fucking HOOKED. i’ve subsequently gone through most of the movies (my favourites being harimao’s treasure, twilight gemini, ans the secret of mamo). Also fucking LOVED the newer series The Woman Called Fujiko Mine (fujiko, my love, what a fucking great character ✌️😩).

3. This is for nostalgia’s sake so it’s a tie between Azumanga Daioh and Hamtaro - both of these anime series were huge for me as a kid (as well as sailor moon and naruto) but these two really meant a lot to me. Azumanga Daioh became like a comfort series that i’d rewatch a lot, especially in the summer. and fun fact! it’s the only series where i prefer the english dub. and jo as you know hamtaro was a feral obsession for me. those hamsters got into my brain and never left. my childhood bestfriend (whom i’m no longer friends with) my sibling and myself would draw those hamsters 25/7. i also loved the games (hamtaro hamham heartbreak is still one of the best games ever no one can fucking convince me otherwise)

4. Ookiku Furikabutte (or as I affectionately call it fruity booty) - time to out myself as sports anime trash :))). this (and One Outs) is probably my all time favourite sports anime. i don’t even know how to explain it fr, i never thought i’s be a sports anime person. also the characters dynamics are tropey as hell, like so typical animu, but i love them so much anyways??? and it’s so gay??? mihashi is a precious babygirl and i need to protect him with my whole body.

5. I’m cheating again but these all kind of have the same vibes so i can’t distinguish between them so Neon Genesis Evangelion (the original series)/Serial Experiments Lain/Alien Nine - okay so i hated Eva the first time i tried to watch it, but then when it was put on netflix i decided to watch it again and loved it??? similarly i tried i think 3 times to watch Serial Experiments Lain and finally finished it last year?? Alien Nine is also technically a series of ova’s, but that shit is so bizarre i fucking love it. anyways these are all perfect examples of the weird side of anime i like where it’s a little psychological horror, a little existential dread, and a little bit of mystery action. also unironically i fucking love the openings for Eva and Serial Experiments Lain, they slap so fucking hard dude

[pray4jensen]

Are you hopeful about Misha being back and Dean returning Cas' feelings? I don't know what to think anymore but I'm not feeling hopeful and it makes me sad. I'm just having a hard time, I want to believe!

Hi anon! I can see how one could be skeptical because they’ve tried so hard to convince us that he wasn’t there for filming, not to mention that they really went all out with the call backs during Cas’ death scene. There was the hand print, the “wings” as the Empty takes him, and of course what definitely sounded like a deathbed one-sided love confession, but hey, they’ve also dropped a lot of clues to suggest otherwise, too! 

1) In 15.09, when Chuck shows Sam the future, it is one where Cas is dead. Cas’ death is shown directly to be the reason why Dean is hopeless in the future. He gives up completely and when he finally agrees to hunt with Sam, they fail because Dean’s unable to give it his best shot. The consequence of that hopelessness is that they get turned into vampires. A future without Cas means a future where Dean becomes the monster at the end of the book and dies, which means it is a future where Chuck wins. That doesn’t really sound like a show about free will, does it? 

2) To follow this, in 15.04, Becky specifically tells the audience that an ending with Sam and Dean dying and Cas absent is a bad ending. Becky is a fan of Supernatural, just like us, and all season, we’ve been told by the cast and crew that we’re going to get an ending that will please the fans. Chuck’s bad ending definitely wouldn’t fly with any fan of the show.

3) All of the above stresses the importance of Cas in the story. They can’t have a happy ending if he’s dead. Fifteen seasons have gone by, and we know one of the main themes of this show is free will. In 15.17, Chuck tells us that Cas is the only one who’s ever had true free will, who’s the only one who’s ever been able to influence Chuck’s story and break free of his control. By that same logic, Cas is the only one who can finally free Sam and Dean. He is the bringer of true free will and he is the only one who can hand it to humanity. 

4) And just beyond narrative reasons foreshadowing Cas’ return, there’s also what the cast has said. Misha’s confirmed Cas is queer, and if Cas died after coming out, we’d be stuck with the Bury Your Gays trope, a mistake that the writers made with Charlie in 10.21. And anon, fans have literally never let them live it down. I don’t think they’d make the same mistake twice; they were booed at Comic Con that year and the cast all saw the backlash. Misha said in his latest panel that he could see Cas’ death as Bury Your Gays, but that he felt this scene meant something more. If Cas came back and got a happy ending, it wouldn’t be Bury Your Gays anymore

5) Misha is also like...a really bad liar. He also fumbled a lot when asked about whether it was his last episode. He emphasized that that had been the last scene he shot for 15.18, not the last scene of the season. Not to mention the cast put on a little celebration for him when he ended his tenure on the show and we know it couldn’t have happened on the same night as 15.18 because when they wrapped for the episode, Misha talked about nearly dying in a plane crash that same night. This is...what truly makes me believe...it’s Misha’s nervous babbling during the interview...

As for whether I think Dean will also return Cas’ feelings with a love confession, there’s evidence for that, too:

1) In 15.09, when Dean loses Cas in purgatory, Dean tells Cas that he has something to say. Cas tells him he heard his prayer, but the look on Dean’s face strongly suggests otherwise. Whatever he has to say, it isn’t in the prayer we heard. It’s a loose end and a very important one at that. All season they’ve stressed the consequences of Dean’s anger and Dean’s prayer was all about anger and release. Bottling up his feelings and leaving that bit of whatever Dean wanted to say unsaid wouldn’t resolve this storyline in a satisfactory way.

2) Even during the confession itself, Dean wanted to say things. He wanted more time, he told Cas not to do this, and he sobbed when Cas got pulled away. If we don’t hear anything more about Dean’s feelings and what he was going to say, it would be HIGHWAY ROBBERY, and again, an unsatisfactory resolution to his story

3) Not to mention during the same episode as the confession, Charlie and Sam both had their girlfriends taken from them. Dean had his friend taken? Um. Try boyfriend. If Dean never confesses and lets the audience know that Cas is his romantic partner, this would be very strange writing...

4) My last piece of evidence is literally the last 12 years. The mixtape, people asking him if he had a break-up whenever he fights with Cas, people asking him who he’s pining for, people asking him if he can imagine having a romantic partner who understands the life and like, just the fact that he literally loses his will to live whenever anyone tries to take Cas away from him. Like listen, I watched the last seven years of this story unfold week by week. In that manner, it’s actually harder to see how much Dean longs for him. But recently, I’ve been rewatching the show with my roommate. When you’re binging it, Dean’s incessant about it. He’s always asking about Cas when Cas is gone. He’s always hopeless, always broken without him. Sam spends like every episode comforting him about it. It would be incredibly foolish for the writers to not address Dean’s side when they went ahead with Cas’ side. Also, I’ll like literally show up at their houses with a pitchfork.

Will it be anything like Cas’ confession? Will there be a kiss? Frankly, I don’t know, but never in my life did I ever imagine something as textual as Cas’ confession either so I’m HOPEFUL, more hopeful than I’ve been in years. I do think 100% Dean will return Cas’ feelings, but whether it will be as obvious as Cas’ confession and whether the show will depict an actual romantic relationship in the finale remains to be seen. 

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Just wanted to swing by and say how much I love your blog! It's rare to get such a grounded, adult perspective on ST. Even rarer for Byler. Blogs run by younger fans are often too modern in their expectations - I've seen people claim Byler will openly date or even marry. In the 80s! And there's a lot of tumblrspeak about "disaster gays" and "smol beans" that just makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I'm too old for it but it feels fetishizing and demeaning of the characters. You're much more respectful

“ I appreciate that would be a divisive thing to post, but I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you being the adult in the room. You know what you're talking about, and it shows. Even the way you go back and forth on how canon Byler will be matches my own feelings and is refreshingly honest, in a landscape that demands people pick a side and pretend to know it all. It's an annoying feature of Tumblr and I like that you resist it and just give your honest opinions in the moment.” I don’t know if these two Asks are from the same person, but they’re similar and came in around the same time, so I figure I’ll respond to both together.

First, thank you. I appreciate that I can bring a different perspective to the fandom and that you enjoy it.

I make no attempt to be “the adult in the room,” but I do try to be an adult in the room. I feel like everyone has a perspective to bring to the discussion. Some may be, hm, more superficial than others, but I don’t think that makes those posts any less valid, per se. Still, I can see where you’re coming from. I’m not going to condemn the younger fans, as I probably would have been somewhat similar were I still that age, but I would be lying if I said there weren’t posts that I found frustrating and/or counterproductive.

To address concerns specific to the first post, I’ll say that the attitudes of younger Byler fans reflects a modern acceptance of gay teens. I can’t say that I get on board with the terminology, but I can see some nuance behind it. Sometimes it might be minimizing the characters into tropes, but other times it might also be a sort of identification with the characters. If it helps people explore themselves or the world of LGBT identity, then I’m all for it.

At the very least, I don’t think most of those people are trying to be disrespectful. They really don’t have a good understanding of what it would be like to be gay back then, but I see that as a good thing. When I stop to think about it, I feel pretty good seeing that people are so comfortable talking about gay teens that they’ll use such casual language about it. Yeah, it does seem like they don’t take the issues seriously, but that means there’s an opportunity for learning that I hope they’ll take.

Byler may not openly date or marry in the “present” time of the show, but I find it nice that younger fans see it as normal enough to think so. I think older fans such as myself should take that as a point of contrast that tells us that even if Mike and Will would have to be together in secret, the modern climate would allow the writers to show us. Besides, there could always be a epilogue.

Regarding the second post, I think the stubbornness (for lack of a better term) of many people online comes from the fact that we tend to create our own echo chambers. We use tags and join communities to largely target an audience that we think will support us. Dissenting views become less and less common, which results in an echo chamber that serves to reinforce itself. I’m not directing that at any person in particular, rather it’s an observation of social media itself. I actually think Tumblr is a bit better with alternative ideas than, say, Twitter or Reddit.

Still, I think there’s room for improvement. There’s always room for improvement. People can get carried away with criticism or take things too personally, or there can be a combination of the two. We need to be able to disagree without it being personal. I know that I’ve personally adjusted my opinions on many Stranger Things theories based on the thoughts of others here. I thought I was right, but someone else’s take just made more sense and had more support. It didn’t mean that I was stupid, or that the other person was an ass.

I’ve been on the wrong side of it before, though. One time, for example, I pressed someone too hard for more and more support for their theories to the point that they became frustrated with me. I meant no offense, but I still had to accept that I was being a problem, even if I didn’t mean to be. I was simply unconvinced and was hoping they had more to reassure me, but I did a poor job of getting that across. I apologized, and I think we’re still cool, but it was a reminder to me that I can offend without meaning to, and that still warrants an apology and being more careful with my words.

I know some people think changing opinions is a sign of weakness, but I see it as a strength. It’s a sign of intelligence and humility to be able to acknowledge that you’re wrong about something. I started out early on feeling that Byler should be canon, but probably wouldn’t be. Over time, however, through analyzing the show and discussing it with others, I grew to be more confident in it. People were able to show me evidence that I just would not have been aware of had I not come to Tumblr. I’m not the type of person to watch and rewatch scenes to pick them apart or spot the tiniest details, but those who can do that allowed me to use my own skills to get into the psychology of the show.

I think we all have something to add to the conversation if we’re willing to listen in return. I appreciate being called an adult in the room, but I think we all could be if that just means being mindful of one’s words and how they affect others.

[blake-belladonna-defence-force]

It's the ✨annoying little shit✨ again

The Gremlin anon😺

With a ✨very gay update✨

I really don't know what my life has become... I don't if I'm real or if the universe is real or God or Bumbleby... I don't know...

So, when Miss oh honey came back, she sat next to me on the sofa and then locked eyes with me. I could tell she was still anxious about what happend, she was still shivering a little after all, but I wasn't expecting her to hold my hand and in the most shy voice I've ever heard her do, ask me "C-can I sit on your lap?"

I just- IS THERE A OPTION EVEN!?!?! CAUSE IT IS HUMANLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY NO TO THAT CUTE FACE!!!!!

So I nooded in aproval and sat there... On my lap... With her arms warped around my neck... And looking into my soul with those baby blue eyes... I just- I-

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE!!!??? WHA- HOW- WHY-

THE FUCK!?!?

But the thing that was confusing me even more, was the fact that holding her, being in this situation with her... It felt so god damn right I can't even explain why or how... I only got to really know her 4 days ago... It's just- It's too surreal... It can't be real...

At some point during my inner rambeling she got closer and was holding my cheek, and she leans in and kisses my cheek and says "Thank you... For saving me at the grocery store"

I just- MY VOICE CRACKED

I tried to anwser like a normal person but I literaly anwsered her sounding like a squirrel "No prob"

She started giggling at me and even tho I was embaressed this moment was too precious and soft for me to feel anything else but happiness and safety, I wanted this to last forever, but out of no where, she says "Can I kiss you? I mean... On the lips"

I- gay panic gremlin noises

I just- I- YES WHY NOT I DON'T KNOW ME IS LOST HEAD THINK TOO MUCH PANIC

I tried to open my mouth but AS USUAL THERE WAS NO SOUND!!! I COULDN'T ANWSER!!!! BUT I NEED TO!!!!

HELP!!!!

After some time, that felt like an eternity of silence because I was not being able to say anything, Miss oh honey makes a really sad expression and says "I'm sorry... It was weird wasn't it? I shouldn't have-... I'm sorry..."

IF SATAN IS TRYING TO MAKE ME HAVE MORE REGRETS IN MY LIFE I HAVE A LITTLE THINK TO TELL YA!!!

NOT TODAY SATAN!!!!

Before she managed to get out of my lap I grabed her face and FUCKING KISSED HER

I WON'T HAVE MORE FUCKING REGRETS IN MY BLOODY LIFE

I. DO. NOT. RE. GRET. THIS. DECISION

IT WAS THE MOST SOFT AND TENDER KISS I EVER HAD!!!! I'M GONNA BE GAYING OVER THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!!

I'M SO HAPPY I COULD CRY!!!!

When we stoped kissing, Miss oh honey looked at me with an expression that I don't know if it was pure shock or delight or both. After we stare at each others eyes for what it felt like forever, she (with a shaky voice) says "I thought... I thought you were only interested on roommates name"

"And I still am to be honest..."

"Then why did you?..."

"Because it felt right, you feel right... Both of you do..."

"Are- Are you saying you have feelings for both of us!?"

"Pretty much... At first it was just roommates name but after what happend yesterday and today in the morning I just- Like I said... You felt right"

"Well... If it makes you feel any better it was the exact same for me"

After this with both started giggling like idiots and shortly after we stoped giggling, Miss oh honey told me about her previous abusive relationship (I won't tell anything about it since it's her story and it's very personal)

After she told me hers I told her mine and I don't know when it happened but we just fell even more into each other, and it felt intemate in levels that none of us had ever expirienced... It's felt so right it was... I donno...

But at some point, one of us would need to ask this, and she was the one doing it, so she asks "What are we now?"

"I donno... Partners?"

"Partners... I like that, but, what about roommates name? You still have feelings for them"

"Yeah... I really don't know what to do... I'm more lost than ever..."

"Well, can I confess something and you promise you won't freak out?"

"Ok"

"I have feelings for them since we were in middle school, but, as dense as I can be I belived I only saw them as a close friend... We have been friends since we were kids and along my life I never had someone as loyal and caring as them by my side... It was so obvious I liked roommates name... But it was needed for me to be in a abusive relationship to realize how much they meant to me... It's stupid but... The reason my relationship with my former partner didn't get worse was because, everytime he picked something he didn't like about roommates name I would tell them to shut up, and the more he did that, the more I realized that what he was doing was toxic behaviour..."

"Oh... Uau... I- That's- I donno what to say but you had feelings for them when you offered youself to be my wingwoman!!!"

"Yeah but... I saw how happy you two were and how sweetly they talked about you... That I- I want roommates name to be happy... But I ended up wanting for you to be happy too..."

"Well... I want you and them to be happy, and I think now we are each others wingwomans"

"What?"

"You heard me! We are gonna get our crush and we will do this together!"

"snorts You dork"

Some time later we realized that... Our roommate didn't get out of their room for the whole day!!!

We ran to their room and we see them still sleeping and cuddleling MoonMoon

They slept the whole fucking afternoon while we were being gay in the living room XD

We woke them up and took them to the living room so we could eat the snacks me and Miss oh honey bought this morning

We all started rewatching rwby, and turns out Miss oh honey is also a rwby fan and that our roommate is the only one that never watched the show

THIS IS GONNA BE A HELLA OF A RIDE!!!

And I cannot discribe how happy I am ;w;

I cannot warp my head around the fact that Miss oh honey is now my partner and that both of us are now trying to get our crush XD

OUT OF ALL OUTCOMES THIS WAS WHAT I LEAST EXPECTED!!!!

MY LIFE IS A BLOODY FAN FIC!!!!

But anyway, I wish everyone a great day/afternoon/evening/night :3

- happy Gremlin anon

That... is very unexpected, Gremlin anon. But good for you!

[duckuwu]

doing a little cm rewatch before it gets removed from netflix. would like to point out two interesting choices that are just now coming back to me. 1) florida gay bar vacation episode. i know the jj lines were clearly meant to be about her secret bf but like. hello? 2) when they get emily back at one point i wanna say it’s rossi who asks her about “the guy” and she just completely blanks out on the fact that she has a boyfriend. also her willingness to just pack up and leave england

Hey anon, just a heads up: Criminal Minds is on the Paramount+ app. So you can stop paying too much for Netflix and pay $50 for paramount for a year and have ALL the Criminal Minds, NCIS Hawai'i, Star Treks and NWSL you could possibly want. #notAnAd I'm just super vibing with what's available on Paramount. lol (It's also where the Criminal Minds "reboot" will be, once that's filmed etc.)

Anywhomst, back to the ask:

1) I am 100% confident that JJ is absolutely bisexual, that she was definitely checking the vibe with Emily, before Emily told her to go hitch her pony to Will. So yeah, even if the lines were about Will, they were still queer AF. (Also I don't remember what episode or where, but there was that moment of JJ saying "you don't choose who you love" and Emily just watching her say that. GAAAAAY.

2) Bruh, I feel so bad for Emily's "boyfriend" in England. Just dropped. (I think there was a throwaway line about him moving out in a few weeks. But, like, honestly. The chap had no chance.) But let's all be thankful for him, because it meant we got to see what Emily sleeps in.

But on a serious note, I feel like the head of Interpol was probably more politics than Emily had really ever wanted. And the truly hilarious part is that... Going back to the BAU is a serious downgrade, career and paywise. Also the hilarity of Emily being back w the FBI for years before they even THINK about throwing her hat in for Director... She was the head of Interpol. That's just... It's a plot blip we look past, just like Emily's boyfriends.

[daantaat]

twu s2 thoughts even though nobody asked <3 just a brain dump and it’s quite long so I tried to separate my commentary by categories but it’s still a mess unfortunately. Spoilers under the cut!

General

Overall, I enjoyed season 1 more than season 2. I’ve watched season 2 three times now, and I do think it had some good parts that I definitely overlooked during my first watch (probably because I was preoccupied with Charlotte x Shona 😶😅). My initial reaction to this season was like ‘hmm so that happened and I’m not sure what to think’ but then I rewatched it and tbh I think my complaints are mostly to do with the time jump between seasons and the pacing...

Like yeah there’s only so much to touch on in six 25-minute episodes but!!! I finished the season wanting a bit more, because I thought that some of the things that were introduced were either not explained fully/well or they just dropped off completely and didn’t really have an effect other than me asking questions after the season was over, like it felt as though there were missing scenes— more on that later (though maybe they will be addressed in season 3??? If there is one? How soon do shows get renewed? Idk). Though I guess the audience does have to do some interpretation of their own but still... Idk! Idk. And the assumption that certain events/plot points mentioned in a character’s dialogue would be enough for context had me kinda “:///” y’know? Like don’t tell me, show me?? I’d like the full course please!!

Charlotte x Shona (+ Vish I guess)

I think it was really jarring to see their relationship grow from colleague/business partners to friends and then finally to something more in season 1 only to see them awkwardly handle their unresolved feelings in the workplace with nothing to show for their actual relationship besides a mention of “a week-long gay safari” + the brief flashes of a sex scene that was intermingled with Shona and Vish’s cyber sex session, which in itself is 😐😐😐 like yes it shows that Shona still thinks about/fancies Charlotte in some capacity, but if I were to choose between that sex fantasy/flashback or a flashback of Charlotte and Shona together (like Charlotte telling Shona she was falling for her!!!!)... I think I’d choose the latter? I was just disappointed that we didn’t really get to see Charlotte and Shona being all cute and romantic with each other this season :(

ALSO I wished we got to see more of jealous!Shona; I was super hyped to see that since that scene was included in the trailer. It was nice to see her want the best for Charlotte because she’s “great” but the jealousy part of knowing Charlotte is dating someone great got settled pretty quickly and instead we got Shona evaluating her commitment to Vish and considering the idea of having kids after learning she has a womb of a 39-year-old (😐) and it felt.... like a lot!! It was definitely different from season 1 Shona (”I actually don’t want kids” “I genuinely, I genuinely don’t, you know, it’s not a big deal. Just never have” in 1x04) but if this was to show her dealing with comphet or internalized homophobia or just simply running away from her feelings then... idk what to think of it! I really don’t. I think this is where things could have been written differently because using an affair with Charlotte like that (an affair that we didn’t even get to see besides the stolen kisses at the finance event) was so... ugh, I’m suffering here

Anyway, I think their office scenes were definitely highlights of the season, like Indira and Sharon really gave those scenes their all!! Even though it hurts to see Charlotte so heartbroken and Shona running away from her feelings and hurting Charlotte in the process, I live for the angst lol. I will say though, the 180 that happened after their convo outside Charlotte’s office was a bit “🤔” considering Charlotte had talked to her therapist about Shona for 4 months. Like one hungover feeling dump from Shona and they can move on? Hmm communication is connection, huh. And I guess they were just excited that the article got good results? But how cute that they got each other gifts of their picture in the article??? Wtffff I love my “unfunny and obvious” gal pals even though I’m in pain

As for the voice note... omg, so many questions. Like did Charlotte try to reach out to Shona after she abruptly ended their call to check if she sent the voice note to Vish?? Was that gonna be the first time Charlotte heard Shona say “I love you” to her? What was the reason Shona said “I love you” anyway??? Is she, you know 👀 Also do y’all think Vish will listen to the entire voice note since it was clear it was meant for Charlotte? And who knows maybe Vish’s phone died and he can’t turn it back on or check his WhatsApp or whatever. I’m in denial lmao. But also I think he's a pretty good guy, like when he sent biscuits over to the house when Shona wanted some and him saying what’s the point of having fun in New York when she's not there with him... :/ but he was also a bit weird about her putting a nail in a wall or leaving out the egg duck or whatever as a display item in their house though I suppose that’s not a huge problem so like idk man idk!!! I'm just saying season 3 better not have a time jump I need to see what happens and not just in exposition

Shona and Aine

Love them :) I wish they had more scenes together (if that's possible??) but I liked the somewhat change in dynamic seeing Aine a bit worried about Shona (asking her if she’s okay when she mentions she’s thinking of getting a fringe lmao and again asking if she’s okay when they’re unpacking in Vish’s house). And of course Shona is still very protective and worrisome but seeing Aine just miserably lounging around her apartment over the weekend and getting in her bike accident after Shona wasn’t too supportive of her and James’s business idea made me so sad :( like Shona was so shitty about her not typing up everything in the notes for the meeting! And not even reading James's CV... big yikes. Anyway I thought it was odd that we didn’t get a follow up on the voice note Aine left Shona after getting into the bike accident... like she sounded soooo shaky and out of it :((( what luck Shona was sick and didn’t see Aine with a missing tooth before she got it fixed

Anyhow, Aine was right when she said Shona needs to talk to her and talk about her feelings more!! AND this is part of where my complaint about the pacing and the missing scenes comes into play! I think we should have seen Aine and Shona fighting about Shona’s affair and leaving Vish the voice note. The audience knows Aine cares about Vish and I’m not entirely sure where her relationship with Charlotte stands since Charlotte told Freddie about her being in rehab (on the assumption that he knew, as Aine’s ex-boyfriend) but!!! Just cutting to them on the floor waiting for Vish’s flight to land was not as hard hitting as it could have been

Aine x Bradley (+ Richard)

OKAYYY. Cute!!! I definitely overlooked the signs during my first watch here but yeah they were definitely there during my rewatch(es)!! I quite liked seeing Bradley try to get Aine to stop talking negatively about herself and just try to treat herself better in general like exercising and actually eating off of a plate :’) and the comparisons between Bradley and Richard have me like 👀📝 Bradley saying he likes how much Aine talks vs. Richard’s friend Mark saying she talks a lot and how he wasn’t expecting a whole show to which Richard replies he thought that at first too but she “calms down” like brooo... alright. Anyway Bradley going with her to Tom’s funeral/service made sense since he actually met Tom (though Aine did vaguely talk about him and his drinking problem to Richard in 1x05) and the fact that she told Bradley about PACT and her time there but she didn’t tell Richard (to be fair she was thinking about telling him) hmm 👀 Also Bradley saying “Sometimes it would just be nice to be with someone you could just relax with as yourself” yeah I’m on board with them

Loneliness, COVID, Communication is Connection

Initially I thought these themes could have come across a little stronger but after rewatching... hmm. Yes, Shona was lonely in the house by herself; she even asked Anil to stay for dinner, had her own “pile of shit” boyfriend on her bed (which she did clear off), and told Vish that nobody had time for her. Also after the business meeting she asked Aine what she was doing during the weekend (which Aine also spent alone anyway), but I dunno... oh yeah her hen/bachelorette party was a bit lonely since places were starting to go into lockdown and not everybody could attend, but I think the COVID element entered a bit too late into this season? I’m not sure it really added much in terms of the loneliness. Maybe it did add to the uncertainty of things though

“Communication is Connection” was there but I thought it kind of fell flat as well, but maybe that was the intention— to highlight the mess that a lack of communication can cause? Shona apparently writing off Charlotte’s feelings and them not necessarily talking about their relationship/feelings until their convo outside Charlotte’s office... Shona talking to Seema saying she’s never really asked what Vish wanted (regarding kids) and Seema saying that’s a convo for her and Vish to have... Aine not telling Richard she overheard him and Mark talking about her... Richard not consulting Aine about telling Etienne about them and just getting a new tutor for him... hmm. What does it mean. What does it all mean

Other stuff I’m still thinking about/have questions about

Shona mentioning it’s “annoying” how Aine talks like she’s the only person to ever get sad in episode 1 but still telling Aine she’s fine and then in episode 6 Shona saying she only has two emotions or whatever so she doesn’t need to talk to Aine about her feelings as much -____- istg we need to get Shona to talk to a therapist in season 3!!!

I also liked that Shona, Aine, and Eileen talked more. I’m still a little disappointed that the fact Eileen leaving Shona for three months when she was a baby was not mentioned at all. Yeah it was a secret but when Eileen said “well, you should never lie. You’ll always get caught out.” I— HELLO? If anything, that secret seeing daylight could have had something to do with Shona's sadness + loneliness this season. Also could you imagine that becoming a fear of Shona’s, like what if she doesn’t want kids because she’s afraid of doing the same thing to hers if she has any??

Jim asking Charlotte if she’s straight and Shona immediately going “what does that have to do with anything” or something like that and apologizing to Charlotte after Jim left— I’m not sure how I should have read that??? Did Shona mention to Jim that Charlotte is a lesbian?? When he started to ask, he was still looking at Shona (yeah I’m reading too much into this I know)

Marcia figuring out that Aine and Richard were seeing each other (after he touched her hand on his way out to get a taxi)— what was the purpose? Other than Marcia obviously feeling bad for Etienne, whom I assume she sees as a son of her own (based on the Mom Instinct™ snooping when she was doing housekeeping + her convo with Aine when he came back from France). She didn’t talk to either Aine or Richard about it, just told Aine to have a good time when they were leaving the house to go to their “separate” events. I guess it wasn't her place to say anything, but hm. Speaking of Etienne, it was obvious he had a schoolboy crush on Aine (or at least he was vying for her attention) in season 1 and it’s really too bad we didn’t get to see his reaction to suddenly getting a new tutor or dealing with Aine and Richard’s relationship other than him looking at them hugging while the new tutor was teaching him. He deserved some more screen time this season :(

Hmm so that was all very incoherent but if you made it this far thank youuu <3 here are some last silly comments:

Absolutely loved Julie!! I want to know what she knows about Charlotte and Shona 👀 girl give me the scoop on the last 4 months at the office

Super sad we didn’t get to see Charlotte’s cat (I’m always gonna be vocal about this 🗣🗣🗣) or know who her new girlfriend was but at the very least we were introduced to one of the most important side characters of all: Charlotte’s stompy boots <33333 she really wore those around the office with a blazer/blouse/leather skirt! We love that lesbian attire

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

Okay so I'm doing a s1 rewatch and gonna talk to you about it because why not. I kind of didn't get into the show until s2 and sort of just skimmed through s1. So rewatching it, in 1x07 is it just me or is the whole Joe electrocuting himself to turn Cameron on (?!) both absolutely ridculous and like... super gross? Joe is what like 15? years older than Cameron who is what, 20 here? Ew? A woman supposedly wrote this episode but I bet a man wrote that bit. It's so very Male Bullshit™

CON’T: In fact all of Joe in season 1 (and lets face it all seasons?) is kind of Male Bullshit. But especially in season 1. Because like, canon Cameron is clearly a fucking mess who's vulnerable to his bullshit. But also some part of me feels like Real Cameron who didn't really come into existence until season 2... would not rly have been into him :P I can't fully grasp if she's meant to rly like him or if she's just with him for lack of other options/being lonely and bored.

A long time ago a fellow gay shipper joked on here/said something to the effect of, ‘remember when he literally had to shock her with a live current because that was the only way he could turn her on?’ If I’m being honest, I still have not recovered from this!

I suppose that whole scene is a matter of taste, for which there’s no real accounting (okay briefly - my official position on it is that some things just don’t work as well onscreen as they might on paper, even with actors like Mack and Lee), but to belatedly speak to your other points: I feel like the most critically productive way to read early H&CF is to view the acknowledged Male Bullshit™ as The Point. It’s not always clear that it’s the point, and that’s because, well, the creators didn’t know how to do what they were trying to do at the beginning! Fortunately, the network set them up with experienced producers who were able to see their vision, for a series about (‘about’) an antihero that’s about more than justifying and begging sympathy for his destructive behavior, and pity for the characters that become his collateral damage. I think, largely based on that pilot spec script that’s been floating around for a while, that the producers understood that the way to do that was to spend more time on the other characters and make it a true ensemble, and to make them smarter (if not sneakier) than the antihero. J*e and his machinations still kind of have to be the engine for the first seasons’ plot, because, well, that’s how the characters are: they’re all stuck, and they need this random, aggressive, (surprisingly genuinely?) sad bastard to push them to act. 

So, yes, there’s a huge age difference between Cameron and J*e, and he definitely scams his way into her college classroom because for his plan to work he needs a 22-year old coder who’s both naïve and a little wild, and who he presumably can manipulate. He absolutely knows what he’s doing, no matter how many people on this website refuse to see his actions clearly, and he largely succeeds at that for most of the season; he’s the main antagonist, and we’re supposed to be wary of him, and put off by all of this. Because, even though a lot of people want to ignore this, too, Cameron is naïve, and also legitimately emotionally compromised (yes, even with that tough front, people contain multitudes, and they can be deceptive), and it works on her. (I’m pretty sure I’ve said this here before, but you can actually see when it starts to work on her, it’s when they’re negotiating her salary, and he says, ‘Now you’re thinking like a professional.’ That gets to her.)

Which isn’t healthy or positive, but it is real. I think ‘like’ is a strong word for how Cameron feels about him, especially in the first half of season 1, but their connection is the real deal, even if it’s largely based on them both being isolated, and having complementary emotional dysfunction based on similar childhood traumas. They’re also drawn to each other’s expertise; Cameron makes her derisive and mostly deserved comments about ‘whatever it is that a product manager does,’ but she recognizes that he can sell and publicly promote an idea in a way that’s useful, and in a way that she can’t and won’t. (She says as much at COMDEX ’90.) 

And for as critical as I’ve been of how that relationship has been handled, I think all of that is pretty clear from the text? But the show doesn’t spell this out or spoon feed it to the viewer, so there is much room for willful/sexist/heteronormative misinterpretation. I don’t think all of the misinterpretation is willful though, people misunderstand power dynamics in relationships and excuse men’s intentional harm irl all the time, because that is sadly the cisheteropatriarchy we all live in.

[elizabethrobertajones]

With how things are going, I have to wonder - did TPTB give us the Huevas as a 'there, we don't hate gay people' token and were we wrong in reading it as a subtext-to-Destiel thing? Lizbob, I'm getting desperate. The 'so introduce me' line was so - it's what you say to kids, right? And the UST is completely gone... :(

Hi there! 

Is this because of this post from the other day where the line about “twice the worries about being ganked” was put under some destiel stuff to show that Dean had in fact doubled his worries about getting ganked? And also explains why he keeps telling Cas not to do anything stupid, because he’s worried, and not because he thinks Cas is actually stupid… Buckleming dialogue or not it’s calling back to 12x10 where Dean had to clarify this for Cas and admit he can say stuff like that when he’s worried. I’m not saying it’s very nice to keep on heckling Cas instead of just saying he’s worried, although I do feel the choice of writer really waters down the nuance in how that scene could have gone which would show Dean actually learned anything from 12x10. And while Cas shouldn’t have to expect to deal with Dean caring about him this way, at least we’ve already covered this in the text :P

But anyway, to me personally I just don’t write about Destiel that I see in the show with expectations that it will go canon, not because I’m negative or wanky about it (although, usual disclaimer, of course I’m very opinionated on if it SHOULD and the obligation the show has to do what they are constantly teasing, I just separate out these two things to write about the present moment of the show and the future, one of which takes a lot of explaining and one of which is extremely one note obvious of “make it gay, you cowards”), but just that I don’t want to engage in the cycle of optimism/despair that having Destiel hopes causes, specifically because I’m a popular meta blog that writes about Destiel in the text, and also because of people like you who get their hopes up and then get hurt.

I will probably merge expectations with demands when the show is actually definitively heading towards the end and we all know it is and it’s out there on the table. In the mean time, I’m happy to let this all carry on as it’s carrying on without feeling like there is a deadline or set moment for any one thing to pay off for us. The show takes its sweet time to address things which seem OBVIOUS, for example looking at the way side characters disappear and return sometimes like 3 or 9 or 13 years after we last saw them to get some closure on something or other. And it takes them years to chase down a main arc idea and pin it successfully. And some of the reason character development stuff links so well back to season 1 is because the progress Sam or Dean has made on it since season 1 has been in a series of recursive loops which seem to get somewhere only to be pulled back without reaching actualisation and either start again immediately or crop back up in the text much later as a character arc, starting over again as if it never really reached its conclusion. 

Dabb era has been good about excavating some of these more ridiculous concepts and putting them on some no-going-back type arcs, for example for better or worse the issues they have with Mary have *utterly* shifted ground and can never go back to the same background noise they used to be. Mary is no longer a childhood memory and enshrined as the family martyr, and as I talked about a lot over the last hiatus doing rewatches, the attempts to make her deeper/tie her into the mythology, never actually addressed a change in the way they felt about her, maybe not even realising it wasn’t healthy for them to feel that way about her for the rest of their lives in the difference between normal mourning and revenge quests etc and how that meant they could never leave her behind and move on. I mean there’s a LOT of work to be doing with them if there’s any sort of happy ending to come, but since Carver era the writing has spent so much time trying to understand why they feel bad and putting them through hell for it, and especially in Dabb era now doing work to make them recover and to explore ways they can change, that it seems really depressing to waste the good work by killing them off. So that’s a sort of broad optimism about what they’re doing :P

But that broad optimism is really as far as I’ll dare to venture about endgame, so talking about Destiel is mostly about what I see in the text and how it relates to their character arcs and how I see that informing them and therefore hopefully if there is a happy ending, the intrinsic way this relationship matters to Dean and Cas will get happy pay off as well, because of all the aspects being explored in their character arcs, their relationship ties is all together so nicely and what they would benefit from each other would cement a happy ending for them.

I can’t be completely responsible for the impression people get about what I want from canon in the stuff I reblog but I’m really hesitant to go past lines like nervously laughing and doubting what’s going on in canon as a joke about how Destiel it all looks, while trying to avoid posts that talk about how inevitable it is without some very good reasoned discussion that I agree with. I try very very hard to make this blog always toe a line of enjoying what I enjoy without trying to sell too much or sound like I’m promising something. I like a lot of stuff like re-exploring old seasons or what I did this summer over my rewatch, looking back on old canon and looking at how it has all the unwitting groundwork for the story that ended up being told, and where all the character arcs start and how they’re used in later canon etc.

I agree a theme the last few years has been digging up this character stuff and making it extremely clear or textually stating things for the first time, and especially this year coupled with themes of misinterpretation or not reading the picture correctly or working on misinformed intel. Dramatic irony has never had that much importance in telling the story either. This season has been really intelligent about these themes and last season did a LOT of stuff with characterisation to show how they understood them and old character stuff they were resolving or exploring for the sake of improving the characters. Cas got a final build up for his depression arc to lead him to the worst possible point, and he’s now on the other side of that so the only way is up. Performing!Dean got completely dragged in some episodes, especially 12x11 which did it kindly and gently, and 12x22 which just used a grenade launcher to do it :P 

There’s a lot going on but I don’t really like saying it all inevitably ends up pointing to canon reveals about Destiel, especially when that’s the most contentious thing and really hurts a lot of people to build up expectations like that, and it makes people angry or makes them fall out of love with the story because they lose objectivity and start making angry demands about when they get their emotional pay off, even though the story is still unfolding. Stuff which is happening along the way for later character pay off is seen as trashing the character and everything they previously stood for, and it becomes miserable for everyone. I’ve seen this happen in every single faction of the fandom and it’s nothing to do with the quality of the writing or actual treatment of the character/relationship, and an awful lot to do with poorly managed emotional investment and said investment being a finite resource. It’s UTTERLY depressing to watch a fandom friend melt down and begin to hate everything you once loved and I think watching that process has a lot of toxic fall out for everyone else around them who also loves the thing, because we sympathise and we’ve been watching it in slow mo and probably agreeing with a lot of the initial problems they have before it escalates. I HATE watching that happen. I will try as hard as I can to never be responsible for causing it in other Destiel shippers, so I try to make my jokes and comments stay as much as possible on the side of not trying to imply the show has any huge Destiel plan that we’re seeing the early stages of and patience will make it bear out. Because that’s not even how I see the show anyway but sometimes things like Dean giving Cas a mixtape create a *lot* of hyperbole and I’m not emotionally responsible for you all, technically, so I am allowed to have some fun :P 

All this is to say, I’m really sorry you’re feeling desperate and have been reading everything as signs we’re definitely getting Destiel, because there are no signs we’re definitely getting it, but there’s also no signs we’re definitely NOT getting it, and a whole bunch of murky grey area including an entire show worth of supportive subtext, character interaction, main text and plot arcs which back up the *existence* of Dean and Cas being madly in love with each other. The wank comes when you spend all your time harping on one or the other extreme, assuming everything is signs or proof/not proof.

I think the recent storytelling has been extremely positive towards Destiel and put an awful lot of it into the text, to extremes which have never really happened before: season 7 with dead Cas used that to get some understandable angst out of Dean, but it constantly emphasised how everything sucked, Cas had of course betrayed Dean and caused all their problems, both personal and mytharc, and so resentment and anger were mixed with grief, and for the most part as much as stuff was happening to them emotionally, the episodes weren’t intrinsically structured around showing what the grief had done to Dean, or that he stopped functioning without it. Compare the kid gloves about what Dean does in 7x03 killing Amy, and how it tentatively links back to Cas but only when Dean admits that he’s had a hard time trusting anyone after Cas, to Dean vs Jack culminating in Dean screaming in Sam’s face about how Cas’s death has hurt him and he can’t unsee it on Jack. 

And then of course the whiplash on getting Cas back, which Dean never had in season 7, and at best 8x08 was that episode - like a year after Cas was alive again and a whole fresh round of death and guilt and Cas coming back later so in a completely different context. And still nowhere near as good as what happened in 13x06 because there was still a lot of tentative TFW rebuilding to do in 8x08, while by now it’s completely accepted they’re a family unit and it’s been textually stated several times and 12x12 especially was tuned to showing how absolutely final that statement is. There’s no need to be tentative when Cas comes back now - Dean can just let go and enjoy himself for as long as that lasts.

I’ve been answering asks about the UST being gone since I’ve been in fandom, like, season 10, and I do kinda think that the heyday is ONLY seasons 4-6, after which Cas and Dean actually like each other and their relationship moves to more comfortable ground, and romantic tension and coding is way more the order of the day from Carver era onwards. There’s a few things like the boner scene or Dean in the car in 9x06. TBH 13x06 was the first time in ages I thought we’d actually had a scene where the two of them were having sexual chemistry, in the obvious mirror scene to the car in 9x06 bit, but also the entire underlying joke about Dean’s ‘cowboy fetish’ that Cas knew about from season 6, his entire reaction to it, including complaining that Dean made him wear the hat but then voluntarily playing along *for Dean* on their way into the crime scene, his FACE while doing that, and Dean’s reactions to Cas through all this. For the most part they’re considerably softer and more hesitant with each other and that involves much less interaction right up in each others’ faces and much less frustration which then translates to UST quite easily as well as being regular old tension. 

In addition to that, the “i do” and that hug scene apparently convinced people in living rooms across the world that Dean and Cas had been about to kiss and that it was horrifically romantic, and a fake out which genuinely shook people into seeing something going on there who had not previously seen it and even actively disbelieved their shipper friends and family. Of course that’s all down to how Dean and Cas look at each other as they come in for the hug, so their magnetic attraction to each others’ faces is still an ongoing issue :P 

Their interactions are being told in a pretty different way these days, which includes a lot of romantic stuff which is far more overt, and in making their relationship intrinsic to the plot and to each others’ own feelings, all of which I’ve written about so much lately because, well, it’s the main thing going on around here :P I actually feel like this is an extremely good time for if you care about their relationship, to get it in the story as a powerful force and important piece of the story. Things like the issue of clarification - I vs we, and need vs want - are coming back around as themes and that means the issues they’ve caused between Dean and Cas are being addressed or examined again, hopefully to some permanent end. And if not, at least so there’s a fresh examination in recent canon, although as I was saying Dabb era has been changing things in ways it’s hard to back off from later, like that Dean has repeatedly clarified to Sam that his feelings about Cas are the cause of his behavioural changes, even if he doesn’t say what those feelings are, it’s clear that they are affecting him. I mean there’s a part of me that has to read it that Dean hasn’t even realised exactly why he feels differently about Cas than Sam does, he just does… :P

Anyway I really just didn’t want to reassure you without addressing the fact I hate reassuring people things without trying to avoid causing more problems later. I don’t want people to feel strung along either by the show or by ~meta writer promises~ … which, aside from a few people who really were doing it for attention, generally seem to be from people actually just reading the text and being hopeful themselves, not trying to make a cult gathering or get attention or even just try to hurt people. I really urgently would like people to be more credible about where their hopes are coming from and how to feel about it. 

Not to say that you should stop believing everything you hear meta writers say, by a long shot, but to evaluate how likely you feel the speculation that comes from that can be, and how much you do and don’t agree with the analysis they make. And if you agree with the analysis and do see that all the Destiel stuff people point out IS in the show, then you can see that it’s there or not, and decide how you feel about what the show is doing with it as a separate thought. I’d rather not get caught up in pt.2 of it because it’s just frustrating and depressing at this stage of the game, but pt.1 is fascinating to me, it doesn’t detract for me personally to have it not unambiguously stated, and whether Destiel does become unambiguously stated or not I don’t think *any* of the Destiel analysis I agree with/have made is *wrong* because that reading is freely available to make, in large print text and accompanying audiobook >.> 

[casadepalermo]

It has been a bit since I’ve watched it and I do need to do a rewatch. I wasn't trying to respond to your question about Billy being bi in a super serious meta way, more just like causually joking meta-ish; so I do want to apologize- I totally did not mean that people who are bi are prone to more loose or less moral behavior- I can see how it looks like that though and I want to make it clear that I do not think that and I do actually believe there is a bias towards bi people because of this exact issue (some ppl think they like both sexes ergo they just like sex and must be sluts (in lamens terms) at least this is something I have personally observed among my community) and that is terribly damaging to the lgbtqia community as a whole. I’m so sorry that wasn’t my intention and I did not intentionally try and make you or anyone else uncomfortable. That is not something I would ever want to contribute to.

I am not trying to judge Billy in any way, I'm not trying to judge whether his sexual actions are moral or not-- I think everything is relative to it's own situation and if this were real life it wouldnt be any of my business but since we are talking fictional characters I don't mind giving my opinion and I in no way mean to suggest I am stating fact.

When I said that 'I find it more likely that he would take validation from both sexes bc he is so lonely and let’s face it he’s a bit of a man slut'- I did not mean slut in a derogatory way- to use your phrasing 'slut (affectionate)', was more of how I meant it. I also did not mean to imply he was looking specifically for sexual validation though I was meaning this to come from the perspective of him being more or less semi comfortably bisexual (not implying that makes him more prone to wanting or needing sex). Contrarly, I believe he would benefit from healthy and stable friendships with his peers as opposed to sexual relations. I don't think Billy loves himself; bringing in a sexual relationship would be more complicative. Assuming he even were to enter a healthy sexual relationship with someone with goals of a future, I think he would have difficulty loving his partner. Because if he doesn't know how to love himself in a healthy way, he cant be expected to be able to love others in a healthy way.

To explicate on what I actually meant but inadvertently expressed incorrectly is the different types of affection. To make things simple I’m just going to say sexual / romantic and non sexual / platonic as the two types.

Billy deserves non sexual / platonic, friendships and paternal love etc. just like anybody else-- your Mama Joyce example is actually perfect because irregardless of his sexuality and his faults Billy is still someone’s son; he deserves platonic non sexual paternal affection whether that be from a male (Poppa Hopper) or female (Mama Joyce), maybe Uncle Murray (anyone? lol) as does anybody else. It’s clear he isn’t getting much from his family and I think part of the reason he actually went after Mike’s mom is because she is a mother. His mother must have been pivotal to his childhood since the writers chose to use the memory of them on the beach when he was little.

I do think Billy misjudged in the way he sought out make the connection of maternal affection by approaching Mike's mother in a sexual way— and I think he probably approached her that way because he knows that using his sexuality will gain him things (I mean as in he knows hes attractive, he knows what works).

Also if Billy is gay instead of bi, it is still awful that due to a number of issues in addition to the culture of the time period that he should have to feel as if he must portray himself as straight.

I appreciate you breaking it down and explaining your points because I am a bit old and I am unfamiliar with terms like 'queer coded' 'afab' or 'comphet' so I have to look this up. And it makes me realize that while expressions and culture may vary based on demographics and vernacular, its still not an excuse for ignorance and even if it is unwilling ignorance, it is still harmful. Thank you for not being rude. I know its the internet and it doesn't matter and you could have literally chewed my head off bc its the internet; but this way I was able to become more informed and that is always helpful.

i would love to meet more people who are on the bisexual billy end of things because i really wanna discuss how he interacts with that aspect of himself given his home life and the era. because yes, it’d be easier to blend in but that’s really only in theory. he’d know he likes guys and just because he’s attracted to girls doesn’t mean he’ll actually want to do things with them or that he won’t actually want to pursue a boy while he’s performing hetronormativity.

i just think about this so much but like when i see things like this talked about it’s always about it in the concept of him being wholly gay –or in the case of most of the reader fic types, wholly straight– and it’s frustrating as a bisexual. like it feels very much like everyone in the comm just agrees on billy being gay and steve being bi and billy also being bi is just never discussed. It’s possible to have many of the same things people find compelling in a queer coded billy in a bi interpretation of him, it doesn’t take away from that identity. it also adds lots of new things to talk about and i don’t get why no one seems interested in talking about them. did i miss the train? was it discussed in like 2019 and i’ll just never see that content because the search algorithm on this site is shit?

 trying to find content about a bi interpretation of him is impossible, there’s 2 posts in the “bisexual billy hargrove” tag unlike the “bisexual steve harrington” tag which i don’t even need to go into to know is fucking chock full. i know because when i went hunting for the bi billy tag i got flooded with it. just to find if there even was a bi billy tag i had to use findtags. Scouring the tags for anything that could be construed as bi billy content is exhausting and at times disheartening. the worst part is i feel like no one else cares which intellectually i know isn’t true but it’s hard to feel otherwise when there’s just… nothing…. to the point i start to feel bad for writing him as bisexual and have to go over to ao3 and look at the bisexual billy tag there to validate my own ass.

like billy has two hands…. he can finger and give a handjob all at once. why does it feel like when i go into his tags that’s not an option.

[emeryart]

The Sissy in The Celluloid Closet

I recently rewatched The Celluloid Closet (1995). it’s a documentary that I have watched countless times growing up. The first time I watched it was a couple of years after it’s release and I must have been in the infant stages of my college years struggling with my own sexual identity. I remember being moved by the keen dissection of films. I found myself relating to experiences of reading into films looking and hoping for a glimpse of someone queer like me.

Of course, there were gay representations in films but they were always super exaggerated or villans. I never identified with those types of characters which naively pushed me further away from me understanding my queer path. After all, it wasn't until April 30h, 1997 that Ellen had come out on t.v. And more than half of America thought the sky was going to fall. That timestamp of Ellen's “big reveal” is an important mark in pop culture as it marked a time that television from that point on would progress in ways that previous gay characters in television couldn’t. To be honest, none of the shows prior were in my obit as a kid so those opportunities to relate were lost on me.

I came out as bisexual at 21. I didn’t fully understand who I was sexually but I knew that I loved deeply and wanted that love to be returned. I was angsty and ready to fight to be allowed to love whoever I wanted. Affection and adoration felt good it didn’t matter who gave it to me. The cleverly ambiguous Backstreet boy anthem of 1997 constantly played in my head:

“I don't care who you are

Where you're from

What you did

As long as you love me”

I soon realized my attraction to men vs woman had a consistent difference. I was attracted to women for their affection and care. I loved being smothered with little gifts and praise. I felt important. With men, I found out It was more physical. The fact that it was a touch from another man was sinful made it exciting and made me feel as if I was down to fight anyone who thought homosexuality was wrong. Even still, with all the energy to take on the world, I couldn’t identify who I was.

Sociologist Erving Goffman wrote The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life in 1959. “According to Goffman, social interaction may be likened to a theater, and people in everyday life to actors on a stage, each playing a variety of roles. The audience consists of other individuals who observe the role-playing and react to the performances.”  (Crossman)

We as humans need labels. We unconsciously and consciously make and create labels for everything we experience in life. Long before I learned about his work, I began to understand Goffman's theory of social theatrics as a kid. Paying close attention to mannerisms, voice inflections, appearance. I paid close attention to how people interpreted personality and how they reacted.

Growing up with all women I naturally learned to move and speak as they did. Middle school was the time I began to experience force assimilation into the hetero-normative culture. From then on I would shy away from all things deemed feminine. The sissy character as presented in the film The Celluloid Closest threw a wrench in my consciousness as a young man. The caricature of the sissy was everything I was taught to fear. I felt slightly embarrassed to watch the dissection of the function of the sissy role in the film. I then became outraged when I realized people were taught to mock, taunt, and ridicule him. I actually began to find the character endearing and joyful. I wanted the sissy to be free and proud to be who he wanted to be.

I began to wonder why I was so determined to carefully remove anything feminine from my world. What little joys and bliss have I been missing because I was afraid to be seen as a sissy? I was a newly "out" man who decided to reclaim his feminine side. If I wore the color pink, what was going to happen? someone would call me gay?? Well, I already identified as gay so that has no power.

It was that moment in time that I really started playing with ideas of identity in my artwork. I repelled so hard away from anything feminine for most of my life that I intentionally made choices to change the narrative of my "theatrical show". I began to represent myself in ways that others have never seen. I have always loved comedy and making people laugh so this new venture was a refreshing welcome. The more people were opposed to the work I produced, the more I doubled down on the execution. People who are close to me love that I stopped taking myself so seriously and began to laugh at others who passed judgment on what they are exposed to not knowing I'm controlling the narrative all along.

The sissy has set me free. As an artist, I am not so much concerned with shock value as I am subtly changing the narrative of how people perceive me. I often change identifying features as a shift into a new persona. Intentionally bad photoshopped images of my face regularly circle my social media depicting different genders and identities. Sometimes I lean on gay culture using terms and voice infections I don't normally have to honor and show affection to the community. Sometimes I wear the ugliest clothes I can find to observe how important superficial traits are to people around me.

I hope to bring a carefree lightheartedness to people consuming the work I do. It's not malicious so much as it is performing and understanding that we as humans are malleable. Love, laugh and smile with me. We are adaptive critters not meant to stay in one box. Perhaps it scary or uncomfortable for people who think someone should be one thing and only one thing. Often times new "friends" and new lovers flee not understanding the beauty of not fitting in all the time. The fear of the sissy or being around a sissy or better yet just being "other" is still kryptonite to fragile masculinity.

Reference

“The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life” Ashley Crossman https://www.thoughtco.com/the-presentation-of-self-in-everyday-life-3026754 July 01, 2019