#Rethink Mental Illness
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forever friends................dream team...............for all eternity...........
#the ghost and molly mcgee#tgamm#tgamm spoilers#scratch mcgee#scratch tgamm#molly mcgee#todd mortenson#thank you for everything tgamm 😢#the series finale absolutely WRECKED me#i was BAWLING#what a perfect ending...#scratch is such a special character...the way this show depicts depression and mental illness really hit me so personally#it's really making me rethink my perspective on life...i'm gonna hold this stupid ghost man close to my heart for a long time#i've been watching this show since the day it premiered so it's crazy to see it end...#i wish it got treated better by disney but i'm so grateful for what we did get#also while i was coloring this i realized the shirt scratch wears at the end of the episode is the same color scheme as his ghost design...#😢😢😢
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so so So fun how i realised that uc fucked us over in like a kind of massive way (out of over £3k) and im desperately trying to contact any advice service and NO ONE IS AVAILABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to fucking bite people. and not only that but i have a Trial Shift Nannying Children today IM GOING TO DIE
#laila#i actually just want to break down#sfe cant help me uc cant help me the tribunal ppl cant help me#until i know for sure whats going on and that im right#ive called cab mind rethink mental illness a youth legal advice charity#and NO ONE IS AVAILABLE#the fuck is the point of ur stupid fucking services if u cant FUCKING HELP ME
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Today in 911:
“I have a medical condition you won’t have heard of, will I still be able to get help?”
“I— of course you can sir, EMS ought to know what it is. What are the symptoms?”
“Ghosts have descended from heaven itself to do horrible and unspeakable sexual crimes to my body. They took out my intestines to [CENSORED] and implanted fecal parasites into my [CENSORED FROM HERE ON OUT FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH. It went on for a SOLID three agonizing minutes]”
“…………………………………………………………………………..…of course, we’ll get EMS out to you as soon as possible.”
#every day I think oh it’s about as weird as it’ll get :)#and then I get a call and rethink all of my life choices#weirdly I have a lot of insight into extreme and severe mental illness#and it’s a shame I can’t really do anything with those insights
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byan on an average day: glitter. very cute but too many hairclips. makeup done and usually quite vibrant. fitted clothes (oftentimes showing a little extra skin) involving a lot of bright pink. colourful platform boots. more glitter.
byan on a bad day: makeup smudged or non-existent. hair a mess, either falling out of a ponytail or not even pulled back. oversized hoodies and baggy pants. more black than usual. simple combat boots. no glitter.
and they're really out here with the gall to say that they're good at hiding it when they're having a rough time... smh my head
#byan 'i hate looking masc but if i already feel like shit who fucking cares' byun#tbf the 'bad days' in question are like. REALLY bad ones.#like mental illness is fully acting up they're Not in a good state of mind they're having an episode kind of bad day#average bad days or like... more minor mental health stuff they're actually pretty good at hiding bc that's kind of just been their life#...i'm losing my train of thought. hopefully my point has come across???#hi i've been trying to write but i keep writing a sentence and then rethinking everything about it for the next fifteen minutes#making me lose everything else i had in mind for the paragraph and ultimately feeling like nothing i'm getting down is good enough anyway#so uh. it's fun. i'm having fun. definitely not frustrated at all.#hoping dinner will help clear my head a little but we'll see#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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i do often think abt how much of my image id need to change to be a content creator.....
#id probably have to stop casually posting like this on a public blog#i wouldnt be able to talk about my ' less common ' mental illness stuff like d/as and such without the incredibly#amplified fear of getting mocked and made fun of#i may not even be able to use more than one name for sake of not being too confusing for the fans#idk if i could pick just One Name to stick with forever lmao#ugghh. this is way more complicated than i thought :[ im honestly rethinking the whole thing#i think ill keep this brand tho. i rlly like this phase in my online persona :]
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Finally did the void quests with Cyella and Unukalhai today and I'm rethinking everything right now because there's no way Zeynha would have just let that kid sit in the ocular like that and hang around the rising stones without ever talking to him. No, that's like. That's his kid. Zeynha would be checking in on him literally every time he gets the chance, there's no world in which he wouldn't
#zeynha and urianger were raising a kid together ages before they actually started dating#and now i want to rethink the entire story while remembering that unukalhai is like also there. just. in the background#ffxiv#this isn't spoilers for current content. i have not done the new patch yet#i don't think zeynha sees himself as being a father figure to him like i don't think he realizes it.#zeynha like “man i feel like I'd be such a bad parent if i ever had kids. unukalhai did you eat dinner yet? let me make you something”#I feel like zeynha's still in the mindset of ''I'm way too young to be a parent'' despite being in his early 30s by the end of endwalker#it's the missing out on most 'normal' experiences in his 20s due to mental illness and disability#zeynha lagorio#.txt
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y'know what's gross ?
seeing people use SCHIZO as an insult . people want to preach about being accepting of mental illnesses and trying to erase stigma ... but then throw around a term that's considered by most people with some form of schizophrenia to be a slur .
as someone who has schizoaffective disorder and suffers from what psychiatrists consider a form of schizophrenia , it makes me physically ill every time i see this and really shows me who is and who isn't a safe person for someone like me to interact with .
the only people who should be using this term are those trying to reclaim it . for me to say "my schizo brain won't let me find words" or other things like that is different from people without the disorder saying " xyz is schizo and crazy and needs to be locked up " .
what you're doing by saying that is showing that you believe people with severe mental illnesses should be taken out of society and locked in asylums or prisons or wherever else so they're out of sight and out of mind .
it's really upsetting to see and i'll be blocking from here on out if it's on my dash . i already feel shitty enough about friends and family having to deal with my worst days , i don't need random assholes on the internet making it worse .
#ooc ↳ psa#if your way of calling someone out is that they're crazy or a freak or psycho or schizo#then you really need to rethink your language#because it's ableist as fuck and i'm tired of seeing it#ESPECIALLY if you know the person has a mental illness#you're perpetuating the belief stereotype that the mentally ill are bad
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Very very unserious rambling, it's just This babygirl has lowered her dosage and is angry as fuck. Very personal and like individual, my very own experience that, obviously shouldn't and must not affect anyone else, but then again we just pixels on the waeb and just wanted to state that, you know, you know. You don't obviously uhhhh so jokingly let's say that ihmnm
Jaja, but seriously, I'm so enraged omg haha help I need to commit a crime :D haha no, but, for example, I feel like I could jump and bite off the entire face of the next m*n that catcalls me in the street, or something idk. I'm going, you know, haha ye knaowww, in a diy way, oopsies, but next appointment with the psychs I'll tell him and check what or what. I've always been very pro medication and all that, but God have I missed feeling this much, specially anger, bitch I'll break someone in half! Anyway anyway, I'll see how it goes, if thing turn too unmanageable or something I'll go back and all that, whatevs, it's just it is awesome to be this??? Crispy??? My parents are aware of it all today I told them, it was more like a you know, pay me attention, but!!! also don't you dare take too serious my upcoming outbursts or ramblers or all that. Off, idk idk.
Tmi: warningssss tmi: Cantwaittorubitlikeiusedtoandsoitactuallyfeelstoecurlinglikeinfanfictionandnotjustlikeamehrelease 😁 (no seriously, I miss coming, like, coming, like I'm alive, and is not just like sneezing and oh well thats it lets go to sleep (yeah yeah tmi, everything personal and in my tag is tmi me bad. Not really))
#atenceladusiaawfytbwb me be saying 🤠🧐#its been five ssri a day then two or one and i know how#anyway im 🥰🥰🥰 (actually 😡😡😡🤬🤬💀💀💀🔪🔪🔪🔪)#im kind of dizzy too#but excited and thats what matters an ill be truly heartbrocken if it goes wrong and my ocd gets out of hand#and aaaaaallllllll those thing but uh lets hope for the best#really realli i missed this#im also in my late 20s and been on meds gor like 9 years or so#the point is im in a good spot right now have a good support system both personal and profesional#an i want to change things a little. and if it doesnt work ill go back and rethink and redo#lets see how it goes its ok im not alone ^^#it could go wrong eventually but i highly doubt that. again. i have a decent support system and that makes me kinda uhmh bold#tw mental health#tw mental illness#tw medication
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Those damn leftists and their belief in the inviolability of human rights
#*some of us at least because i'm reading things that. mh.#harsher punishments won't prevent violent crimes of any nature from being committed. btw. but ok let's pretend that they will#so that we can go on about our lives without changing or rethinking anything else about our country and society 🫶#lovely to see that we're still equating rape with mental illness too. but well. salveenee & co. what else can you expect#mytext#rl
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sometimes i torture myself by intentionally reading thru stupidly rude/unnecessary comments on random instagram posts. why do i do this to myself
#literally what compels people to comment the stupid shit they do#i really need to delete instagram lol#all this does is make me sad and feel kinda depressed and sometimes guilty for some reason#half of these comments i read are things people probably wouldnt actually say irl and theyre just commenting for clout/to make people mad/#/get attention#trapping myself in a well of sadness. and for what#literally i dont even know#sometimes i wonder if my depression and dissatisfaction with life is self-curated partly because of all the time i spend on the interwebs#like is my executive dysfunction and dull outlook on life real? are my mental illnesses real? or am i just over exaggerating everything in#my head because ive been convinced that i have problems when really i dont? is it all self fulfilling prophecy?#does that make it any less real?#and then i remember its all usually tied to my menstrual cycle and is therefore hormonal and then im like o nevermind its real#if you couldnt tell already#most of the negative comments I've been reading lately surround the topic of 'well back in my day we didn't have all this mental illness#bullshit and its just made up by todays youth because theyre weak and don't know how to talk to people 😂😂🤣😂'#etc#and how 'people with mental illness only have mental illness bc they convince themselves they do 😂😂😂😂😂'#to be clear i dont feel that way like if you have a problem you have a problem#if you need help you need help etc#but my dumb guilty conscience is choosing to fixate on this and question/rethink everything and making me feel terrible for existing#anyway. why do i literally go out of my way to read shitty comments like this#is it the aforementioned guilty conscience finding ways to flog/punish itself?????#mine
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Sorry, not trying to start anything nor is this an attack on the other anon ( /gen ) but sometimes i do get sick of people in comments or other asks being so rude , especially as someone who LOST a partner with BPD over ENTIRE hypocritical thinking ( it WAS NOT the only reason but regardless ).
i feel like this is a good time to remind folks that people with BPD:
Can be violent to self or others
Can be destructive to self or others
Can be stalkers
Can be rude
Can be aggressive
Can be toxic
...and not enjoy it, and not endorse it, and not be happy about it. They do not have to defend or explain themselves every fucking time they do something bad, because guess what! They probably already know. They probably already feel guilt.
Even if they do not have guilt? They know its wrong. There is a difference between "this disorder makes me implusively do bad things" and "I'm an asshole abuser because i can be".
BPD folks should not tear down other BPD folks. It is NOT a fun happy disorder. Its miserable. If some people are having a fine time with it thats valid. If people are not having a fine time with it they are also valid.
Its a mental illness- a Personality disorder. You cannot claim to be pro disabilities and PDs and then turn around and say "well some of these are abusers".
If you don't like people with "scary disorders" then maybe you need to rethink about how you view people.
You're not special or "one of the good ones". /npa
Anyway i love you ( /friendly ) fellow BPD havers and i appreciate you Mods. You do not have to post this if you don't want to but i just needed to get it off my chest /gen
Oh, I'm definitely posting it, you explained things better than I ever could
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the savage mockingbird hates questions without answers. and they, of course, are the biggest one.
the smile drops from his face all at once. it burns so brightly, their fear. arval bleeds, pushes them away, and the blood that smears and drips is only another unanswered question. of course it is. it always is. metal raises to eye level, fingers tightening around the hilt of it before his gaze cuts sharply back to them.
you win, arval says.
“oh, i know,” he replies. cold, even words to their tremble. “i told you my trade; i'm not sure why you're shocked.” his charms, his lies—these have never been secrets hidden from them, confessed upon their first meeting. everyone knows the mockingbird's song and everyone knows his temptation. the king of western fódlan's underworld—a willing blade or lover or spy in the palm of your hand, so long as your asking price is high enough.
he does what he needs to get what he wants. and still, everyone falls.
how many times has he heard these pointed accusations? he deceived them! he let them fall into the web of lies he spun, the fantasy that he wanted them. he let them—isn't it just fascinating how much weight a pretty face and teasing words can carry?
all of it is so tediously predictable. so hopelessly boring.
because everyone is the same, in the end. arval is no different. they fall and blame him for the fact that they ever took a step. and the mockingbird hadn't even set any trap here—because goddess forbid he just try to act like a normal person, right? goddess forbid there is anything beneath his skin but a pretty, obedient doll, because if he doesn't want what they do, then he is as good as nothing in their eyes.
goddess forbid there be any room left for him to be just himself without even that being turned on him.
but no one wants ‘just yuri.’ he already knows this.
(do they understand, now, what separates a man and a monster?)
he does not stop them from running. there is still a man to kill, and it is not arval.
(the answer is nothing.)
* I SHOULD LIKE TO BE SOMEONE ELSE .
❛ mission board: recovery, family heirloom — yuri & arval
#laruarva#.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ﹙ i should like to be someone else . —interaction. ﹚#— support / arval ﹙ laruarva ﹚ sometimes home is not a home‚ but a claw lodged inside you#yuri will not do shit he decided :heart_hands:#anyway do not ever feel the need to apologize i am in this train wreck with you until the very end#our timeline is fucked vi everything is fucked#even if we get this back on track somehow i will still have to rethink all their other interactions#they are on incredibly different wavelengths right now i apologize but that is just the yurival vibe#you say except we are mentally ill now like we have not been from the start your point?#what has yurival come to. who could have done this to our beautiful creatures.
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i guess this is gonna be a drama blog now thats fine i can remake
but im so ashamed of the nevermore fandom rn tbh because its like. ok did we all just decide bullying is ok
someone had to delete a post being neutral because people read it like supporting rnf and actually bullied that person into closing the post. and then said they didnt bully but yeah you did. you did this and there are posts still up that are proving it. some got taken down which is good because maybe that means your rethinking but i bet scressnots exist somewhere.
that was seeking to harm or intimiate. and its with red too like red apologized. maybe the apology was too long but it was very clearly an apology and says that crimsin isn't on the server anymore. so as long as thats the truth im cool.
its all cool to disagree but whats the obsession with making a big deal out of it cant you just leave the fandom quietly talk about it to your friends and not try to actually hurt people. and yeah red counts as a person and so do the nice people on the post you decided had to be taken off tumblr.
im so so so so tired of going to the tag and finding this stupid kindergarten baby stuff like at least act like high schoolers i can handle that but you all make me sick. idec what your beliefs are about the situation but stop putting them in the tag and stop bullying people because it makes you look ugly
check the definition your bullying the entire fandom because you see it as vulnerable and you are seeking to intimiate everyone into belieiving the same things you do. and if they dont its ok because youll just bully them off the site. and make fun of them in your tags. and harm there mental health. and plug up the tag with your baby fighting.
so ill nicely ask please stop. and i know you wont and your gonna bully me too if you see this but if you do know that its gonna show on your face someday
#nevermore webtoon#hate tagging that but i want people to see this#in the words of chapel roan#your not fun#nevermore drama
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Hiii could you maybe do Donna Beneviento with a single mother! fem! reader who is Donnas only maid, Donna lets your son (toddler) live in the manor because she knows that theres no one else to take care of him and shes quite fond of him, letting him play in her workshop while she works, she even makes toys and clothes for him. Donna is obviously in love with reader but she isnt sure if reader fells the same way until your son blabbs about how much you like Donna, which gives to confidence to confess to you. Feel free to ignore this request if you dont like it :]
Yess!! Thank you for your request!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :)))))
A better future
Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem, Maid, Single mother! Reader
Warnings: Fluff
Word count: 5,803
Summary: You have to be her maid, you have to take care of your son...
N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I won't be at home this weekend, but you can send your requests anyway, I'm waiting them!!! I love you all!!! :))
Nervously, you sat down in a chair.
You didn't expect to have to look for a job so desperately, but the storm that had destroyed your humble cabin forced you to do whatever it took to survive.
You could have rebuilt it, been cold for a while and then moved on with your life but… It wasn't you that mattered.
6 years ago you had made the biggest mistake of your life, falling in love with a foolish farmer. It could have been a real mistake, something you regretted at night, for which you cried at every corner, but the result of that brief romance made you see that maybe it wasn't as bad as it seemed.
You had given birth to your son, Viktor, in absolute solitude. The farmer didn’t want to take responsibility and as if fate had made him pay for his disinterest, he was soon devoured by the Lycans. It was better this way. It took you a while to realize but... He wasn't a good person and he never was.
Maybe love blinded you. Maybe that romance never had to exist. But, looking into your little son's eyes made you rethink many things. Single mother, yes, but you would be the best mother in the world, for sure.
With a child in your care, no family, and your house practically destroyed, you had no choice but to look for an alternative, to find a way to support the child, to make him happy.
After the loss of your home, you wandered around the village looking for a kind soul, someone who would offer you a job and shelter from the cold. There weren't many options and asking Mother Miranda for help wasn't something you wanted to do. Maybe it was a trial from the Black Gods.
But there was an option, one that could provide you with work, and shelter. You would be a maid.
You had many friends who worked at the castle but you really didn't want to go there, not after hearing the things that were happening in there. After desperately searching for an alternative, the village merchant, the Duke, acted as a miracle worker, offering you a slightly different job and, according to him, a unique opportunity.
Apparently one of the village Lords, Donna Beneviento, needed a maid, someone to take care of the mansion. At first you refused, since you knew well what that mourning woman could do if she got angry. It wasn't the best place for your son, next to a mentally ill woman and her evil doll.
But time passed and your son shivered from the cold every night. The sight of his small body suffering the consequences of the cold was more than enough for you to take a deep breath and walk towards the old estate in search of a chance to have a better life.
And there you were, sitting in front of that woman with your son in your arms. The silence was heavy, tense, and her hidden face made you shiver.
“The, the Duke said you needed a maid,” you murmured, being the only voice heard in that house. The lady held her gaze and nodded slowly.
“Do you have experience as a maid?” A soft, hoarse voice asked, one that came out of her black veil.
You held your son tighter in your arms, wondering if it was really a good idea to be in that place. Poor Viktor was scared, taking refuge on your shoulder. It was probably because of the puppet resting on the lady's lap. It even gave you chills.
“Well, no, my lady, but I really want this job,” you murmured, embarrassed by your lack of experience.
“Your voice sounds desperate,” the lady in black sighed, with that same stoic pose, barely moving from that chair, proving she was not a ghost with her soft breathing.
“No, well, I...” You said, faking a smile and shifting in your chair. “Well, maybe,” you finally acknowledged, making that mourning figure nod again.
The puppet suddenly came to life and the woman crouched down, as if she were whispering something in its ear. Something you couldn't hear. The doll nodded and climbed out of her lap, comically running towards you and stopping next to your son, who shifted nervously and scared.
“Hello, I'm Angie, who are you?” The doll asked. Not to you, but to the child you were holding. He got even more scared, but you moved him so he was looking at the puppet.
“Answer her, honey,” you whispered, just as scared, but convinced that this was some kind of test. “Be kind.”
“My name is Viktor...” The boy murmured, his voice distorted due to the fist in his mouth.
“Well, Viktor...” Angie said, with her hands on her hips, barely paying attention to you. The lady in black didn't seem to want to take her eyes off you. “Do you want us to be friends?”
The answer to that question came in the form of a shaky shake of the head. You breathed heavily, not knowing how important that would be to getting the job.
“No? What a shame,” Angie said, with a squeaky voice. “I thought I would have someone to play with…”
“Play?” Your son asked. He couldn't resist that blackmail with an expectant look. The doll nodded, turning cockily.
“Yes, play. I'm the world's hide-and-seek champion, didn't you know? I thought a kid like you could beat me, but if you don't want to...” She said, feigning indifference.
“The world champion?” He asked curiously, losing that initial fear. After all, he was just a child.
“Yes. Tell me, do you think you could beat me?” The doll asked, with a challenging tone.
“Yes, I also play hide-and-seek with my mother,” the boy said, frowning and looking at you with a questioning face.
“Prove it, let's play,” Angie insisted, extending a wooden hand to your son.
You looked at the lady, who had remained completely silent, observing the conversation. With a nod of approval, she let you know that it was a good idea, although you were still not entirely convinced.
“Can I play, mom?” Viktor asked, tugging at the fabric of your dress. You hesitated, but seeing that there was nothing wrong, or so you wanted to think, you nodded, helping the boy down to the floor.
The two of them ran through the house and you watched them closely. You didn't trust her, you couldn't do it.
“It will be okay, (Y/N),” Lady Beneviento whispered, drawing your attention again, making you remember why you were there.
You nodded suspiciously, but sat up straight and looked at her again.
“Is he your son?” She asked, with an indifferent tone. You nodded slowly. “How old is he?”
“6 years old, my lady,” you responded kindly, to which the lady nodded again, turning her head towards the doll and the child, who seemed to be having fun.
“Where is his father?” The lady continued asking, making your stomach clench as you remembered that horrible farmer.
“He is not here anymore, and it's better this way,” you murmured, perhaps revealing much more information than you wanted. The mourning lady nodded slowly at that statement of yours, letting something resembling a sigh escape from her lips.
“I understand,” she whispered with an indifferent tone. “I suppose that if I hire you, your son will be included too, right?”
You didn't know how to respond instantly. Maybe a child running around the house wasn't exactly what this disturbed woman needed.
“I wouldn't ask you if I had another option, my lady. I have no family. There is no one who can take care of him. He only has me. If that is an impediment to work, I...”
“Shut up, I didn't say that,” she said, interrupting you abruptly, making you swallow nervously.
“I'm sorry, my lady,” you apologized, bowing your head.
“Do you think I would let a child go hungry or cold? Do you think I would be capable of something like that?”
“No, my lady,” you answered embarrassed.
Before the situation could become more tense, the Angie doll came running towards where you were, comically climbing over her owner and making a mocking gesture at your son, who protested by stamping his feet on the floor.
“That's cheating,” your son said, with an innocent tone.
“You can't catch me,” the doll crooned, hiding behind Lady Beneviento.
Your son never gave up easily, you knew that, and before you could stop him, the boy climbed up the sofa, reaching his small arm towards the doll, accidentally grabbing the black fabric of the lady's veil and removing it with a triumphant gasp. .
“Viktor!” You shouted, scared, quickly getting up from the chair and grabbing the wrist of your son, who had been petrified when he saw the deformed face of the lady in black, one that you had not paid much attention to. “Gods, excuse him, my lady, I beg you.”
Lady Beneviento maintained a cold expression towards the child, who tremblingly held the veil in his hand, looking with horror at the woman's face.
“I'm very sorry, lady, I didn't want to hurt you,” the boy said politely, with a sad face, as if he had been to blame for something horrible.
“You haven't hurt me,” she said, with a low tone, without showing any annoyance or offense, which made you relax and focus on her. She was a terribly beautiful woman. No scar was going to stop you from thinking that way.
“Her, her eye...” The boy repeated, allowing himself to be held in your arms. The lady shook her head, with the same cold expression.
“Viktor...” You sighed, thinking, after that incident, you would never have the job. “My lady, I…”
The lady fixed her eye on yours, without expressing any emotion, and she rose from her chair, retrieving her veil from your son's small hands.
“Mom, I took out her eye...” Viktor murmured, scared, terrified by what he thought he had done. The woman in black, smiled sweetly at those words.
“No, honey, she looks like that. You haven't done anything wrong,” you said, cradling him in your arms, looking askance at the woman, who kept a cold, studious gaze. “I, we should go. Anyway, thanks for helping me.”
“Are you going to look for your stuff?” She asked, frowning and playing with the veil in her hands.
“Well, I... What?”
"Go get the things you want, you'll settle in the guest room,” she explained, walking away from you, turning her back to you. You widened your eyes and shook your head, walking quickly and putting a hand on her shoulder to make her turn around.
“Am I hired?” You asked in a low voice, not believing what had just happened.
“Haven't you heard me? Go get your stuff,” she murmured, pushing your hand away and walking until she disappeared from your sight.
Against all odds, Donna Beneviento appointed you as her maid. You would live safely in the mansion. You would no longer have to fear hunger and cold. You didn't stop thanking the Gods for that opportunity.
At first you had a hard time adjusting. Viktor still needed a lot of care and your job as a maid required you to be less attentive to him as you should be. Fortunately, and to your surprise, that devilish doll made your job easier.
It seemed like your son was having fun with the puppet, it seemed like things were getting better.
Regarding the Lady... Well, there weren’t too many things you could say. That you had seen her face was an important step, since she stopped wearing her veil after a while. She seemed satisfied with your work, but you couldn't be sure, she barely talked to you.
Weeks, months passed, and your life improved enough that you felt like smiling again, and, above all, your son seemed happy.
“Where are you? Viktor, this is not the time to play,” you said while cleaning, surprised because the boy didn't seem to be with the puppet. You searched for him all over the main floor, to no avail.
Although you had no reason to think that anything bad could happen, you couldn't help but see that house as a dangerous place. Donna Beneviento was a Lord, and you knew that none of her visitors returned alive from that dangerous situation. Definitely, the fact that there was a deadly cliff outside didn’t help you to calm down.
“Angie, where is the child?” You nervously asked the puppet, who was humming while making small jumps through the hallway.
“Do I look like a nanny to you, maid?” She asked mockingly, crossing her arms. You sighed, already used to that cocky but fun treatment.
“He's always with you,” you said, huffing, with trembling hands and searching with your eyes for some place he could have gone.
“Maybe he's downstairs,” the puppet whispered, pointing to the elevator.
All your senses became alert. You had warned him several times not to go down to that dark place by himself.
“Very good, thank you very much,” you said, running towards that place.
“Viktor? Come here right now!” You said with a severe tone, walking through those labyrinthine and dark corridors.
While you were walking, you heard voices that seemed to come from the workshop where your lady worked tirelessly, making those sinister dolls.
“Oh, no...” You sighed, walking faster.
It didn't seem like Viktor was a bother to the lady at all, they even seemed to get along well, but still you couldn't let your son ruin this little paradise you had achieved.
“And he can fly,” your son said when you looked at the door of that disturbing place. The boy was sitting at a table, talking to the lady, who was working on something while she listened to his comments.
“I guess we'll have to put some wings on it then, right?” Lady Beneviento responded, with a calming voice, which made you not want to reveal your presence yet.
“No, no, he flies because he has rockets on his boots,” the boy interrupted, looking at the work of the woman in black, who smiled tenderly, arching her eyebrow.
“Rockets?” She asked, amused, taking a piece of wood from the table.
“Yes, yes, like those that go to space, but smaller,” your son explained under your attentive gaze.
“Very well... So... Rockets,” she murmured, concentrating on that piece of wood.
“Mom, mom,” the boy said, when he made eye contact with you, revealing your position and jumping from the table to run into your arms.
“Viktor, I've told you a thousand times not to come down here alone,” you scolded him, making him shrink into your arms, embarrassed.
“(Y/N),” the lady in black murmured, getting up from the chair, with a look that betrayed some joy at seeing you.
Yes, even if your relationship was almost nonexistent, you couldn't help but feel comfortable with her and... It seemed like she thought the same way.
“My lady, I'm sorry if he annoyed you, I've told him many times that he shouldn't come down here and...” You said, lowering your head, interrupted by a timid laugh from the woman in black.
“He wasn’t annoying me, don't worry. It's nice to have some company while I work,” she commented, amused, getting a little closer to you, playing with her hands.
“Mom, Donna is making a toy for me. He's going to be the best superhero,” the boy said, enthusiastically, to which you frowned, nervous again.
“Honey, don't be disrespectful, you should call her my lady or Lady Beneviento,” you told him, ignoring that curious information about a toy.
“No, I told him he can call me that way,” she interrupted, sighing, with a face that was a middle ground between a smile and embarrassment. “You too, (Y/N).”
“Well, I...” You stammered, confused by that informality. According to the maids you knew in the castle, that was unthinkable, and they would end up locked in the dungeons for it. “Okay, okay, Donna…”
“There is no need for so much formality, don't you think? You've been here for a long time,” the woman in black commented, with a knowing smile. You nodded in relief, lowering your son to the floor.
“I guess... That you're right,” you said in a low voice, feeling strangely uncomfortable having her eye fixed on you. It was not an annoying discomfort, quite the opposite.
“He's a good boy,” she told you with a soft voice, making your son smile pleased, looking at you as if he were showing that he wasn't up to any mischief.
“Yes, well... He is,” you said.
“I was making a toy for him,” Donna commented, walking towards the table where she was working, making you follow her slowly after that strange moment.
“A toy?” You asked confused.
“Yeah!” Viktor shouted, jumping on the stone floor, excited. “The best toy ever!”
“Oh, my… Donna, you don't have to do it,” you said apologetically, lowering your head again.
“Why not? I want to do it,” she said, with a more serious tone, with a cold and somewhat annoyed expression.
“I appreciate it but...” You said, scratching the back of your neck and playing with your apron.
“Is there anything wrong with it?” She asked abruptly, making the boy look at you confused.
“No, not really, but...” You whispered, with a slightly nervous smile, with a lot of strange thoughts in your head.
“What is the problem? Can't a nutcase like me make a toy for your son? Do you think I'm going to hurt him? Is that?” She asked with an accusatory tone, with that nervous breathing that preceded a terrible panic attack. You didn't want that to happen, not in front of your son.
“No, I didn't say that,” you said with a firm tone, frowning and hiding your son behind your legs.
“It's what you think, don't try to deny it,” she murmured, sitting down again, thus telling you that you should go.
“I... We better go,” you whispered, grabbing the boy's hand and walking towards the door of the workshop.
“I want to stay with Donna,” Viktor protested, making the lady turn around slowly, looking at you with a sad expression.
“No, honey, leave her alone, okay?” You said to your son, without taking your eyes off the woman in black. “You've already bothered her enough.”
“But mom... Donna is funny... She makes all the dolls talk and she makes me laugh,” the boy explained, frowning, threatening a tantrum.
“Viktor, obey,” you reprimanded, with a broken voice, feeling bad for that moment, for that fearful accusation towards your lady, an accusation founded solely on what the villagers had told you about the Lord.
“Listen to your mother, Viktor,” Donna whispered, moving some paint cans on the table.
After that little incident, things went back to normal.
You couldn't stop thinking about your words, your fearful way of talking to the lady in black, to Donna.
Yes, you were afraid, you were scared and something would happen to your son was unthinkable but... In reality there was nothing wrong with her making toys for him, with her taking care of him. Guilt began to flood your conscience. Donna never scared him, she never hurt him. She took care of him in her own way, she played with him. You had nothing to worry about except messing things up, like that time.
“My lady,” you commented as you served her lunch, with a low and soft voice. She looked at you out of the corner of her eye and nodded for you to speak. The resentment was totally palpable in that room, it was impossible to ignore in that cold and accusatory look.
“I told you not to call me that,” she murmured, while you poured her a glass of wine.
“I'm sorry, I... I want to apologize,” you said hurriedly, making her stop eating and look at you again, sighing.
“Apologize, why?” She asked. “For thinking that I am a child-eating witch?”
“What? I don't...” You said a bit confused by that funny and serious accusation. “I don’t think that way.”
“Don’t you? You’re such a liar,” she said with a mocking laugh, shaking her head.
“I... I just, I just worry about him," you whispered, glancing at the boy, who was reading a story with Angie. “It's the only thing I have in the world and...”
“You're afraid of losing him, I understand,” Donna said, nodding, looking at you briefly. “Sit down, please,” she asked you, pointing to a chair at the table. You obeyed with trembling legs.
Donna looked at you briefly, thinking about what to say, and how to do it.
“You think you know me?” She asked, putting her food aside and crossing her arms, staring at you like a sharp dagger.
“No, my lady,” you said with a formal voice, lowering your gaze.
“My lady?” Donna asked, with an arched eyebrow and hatred in her voice.
“Donna,” you corrected, embarrassed again.
“I know what it's like to feel alone in this world, (Y/N). Surely all the villagers like you think that I’m just a ruthless Lord, that I have no heart or feelings.”
“I didn't say that,” you defended yourself, trying to control the trembling of your hands.
“But you think that way,” she said, with a dark voice. “You think that by having power over you, I would be able to do anything, right? Even harming child.”
“I don't…”
“Shut up, I'm talking, maid. If you fear me that much, respect me,” she said, with a loud, abrupt voice that caught the attention of the boy and the doll.
“I'm sorry,” you whispered, avoiding feeling even more afraid.
“My parents died when I was a little girl, I wasn't much older than your son,” she began to say, taking a sip of wine. “I was left alone, completely alone in this huge house.”
You nodded, letting her speak.
“Unlike your son, I didn't have anyone to read me stories at night, to tell me that the shadows in the room couldn't hurt me. I didn't have anyone to laugh with, to hug,” she continued, her voice becoming more and more broken. “Your son is lucky to have you, (Y/N).”
“I...” You murmured, being interrupted by a gesture of her hand.
“I like having you here, I like to see that your son is having a better life,” Donna commented, looking at you this time embarrassed, as if there was something that wanted to come out from inside her. “I no longer feel alone, thanks to you.”
You looked at her, but you kept your words to yourself as you saw the relaxation of her breathing, the softness that her gaze expressed at that moment.
“But I can't stand that you fear me, I just can't stand it,” she said, looking away from you, finishing her glass of wine. “I can't stand you thinking... That I'm a monster.”
“I don't think you are,” you said confidently, with your body trembling in a different way, with a strange feeling beginning to come out of a hidden place in your mind. “It's, it's my fault, Donna, I... I just, I just want the best for my son and maybe, maybe I let myself go.”
She nodded grimly.
“I wish your words were true...” Donna murmured, playing with a cutlery and making a gesture with her hand. “Leave me alone, please.”
After that conversation, there was something that ignited inside you. Donna Beneviento may have had a lot of problems, but letting yourself be carried away by other people's opinions was never your style.
Once again, time proved you were wrong.
Viktor seemed very happy. He had fun with Donna in her workshop every day. You barely saw him anymore when you worked. Toys, clothes... The lady in black pleased him with handmade gifts that made him look at you grateful for being her maid.
You managed to improve that tense relationship with the Lord. The conversations were becoming more frequent and the smiles... The smiles too. You couldn't say if the conversation that afternoon had served to change your opinion, but you were convinced it had.
Trust grew to the point that meals were no longer solitary, or apart, they were a fun time for the three of you, full of laughter, smiles and strange moments in which you and Donna would look at each other as if you wanted to say something, as if something was forcing your eyes to meet more and more often.
Love was one of the things you couldn't afford. Viktor was your absolute priority. But with Donna and Angie taking care of him, freeing you from that burden for a while, the feeling of wanting to feel loved became stronger and stronger, and it coincided suspiciously with the times you ate with the lady in black, or the times you spent reading with her and your son.
Something strange, that you didn't expect to feel, but that you couldn't stop thinking. Your heart seemed to be determined to give yourself a new chance at love, but your past experiences were not a good recommendation for your conscience, which insisted on denying that you felt something for Donna, something that you never planned to feel again.
Sighing, you took off your apron, ending another day of exhausting work. The house was big, and so were the layers of dust that covered the furniture.
“Oh, nonna, che occhi grossi!... Per vederti meglio… Oh, nonna, che mani grandi!... Per afferrarti meglio” a soft voice reached your ears. It couldn't be anyone else.
In a small corner of the room, Donna seemed to be reading a story to Viktor, who was listening to her as if he really understood her. You frowned in amusement, approaching them slowly.
“Ma, nonna, che bocca spaventosa!” Donna continued, lowering her tone and looking at the child over the book. Your son stood up on the couch smiling, pretending that his hands were two sharp claws.
“Per divorarti meglio!” The boy screeched, growling like a ferocious wolf. You leaned against a wall, mouth open.
“What are you doing?” You asked amused, sitting next to your son, who continued growling and showing his teeth in a comical way.
“Oh, I was reading him a story,” the lady explained, closing the book and giving you a smile, one of those that caused those strange feelings to take over your breathing, and your heart.
“A story? But, Viktor, do you understand it?” You asked your son, making him sit up and stop pretending he was a wolf. The boy nodded innocently. “Hey, you, since when do you know Italian?”
“Donna taught me,” the little boy explained, shrugging his shoulders. “Am I doing it well?”
“Um, yeah, I guess so,” you said with a raised eyebrow. Donna looked at him fondly, and then, then she looked at you.
“He is very smart,” the lady in black explained, leaving the book of stories on the table, and looking away from you when she thought she had been smiling for too long.
“I see,” you said, still surprised, caressing your son's head, who smiled proudly.
“Can I play tag with Angie?” The boy asked, looking at you with pleading eyes.
“Honey, it's too late, you should go to bed,” you said, getting up from the couch and taking him into your arms. You didn't know why he wanted to play. He was rubbing his eyes due to his tiredness. “Um… Donna…”
The lady stood up with you, looking at you expectantly.
“Thank you for taking care of him,” you said with a smile. She returned it to you and nodded, thus generating a tense moment, one like the ones you had more and more frequently.
“It's not a bother,” she whispered, nodding kindly, with a strange gleam in her eye, as if she were nervous. The way she played with her hands confirmed it to you. “(Y/N), I... I wanted, I wanted to tell you something.”
You nodded almost robotically, waiting… Well, you didn't really know what you were waiting for.
“I... I was thinking that I... You...” She stammered, finding to speak clearly difficult. It seemed like something important, which vanished the moment she dropped her shoulders.
“I'm listening,” you said amused, placing your son better in your arms. Your gazes met again and Donna sighed, as if she was suddenly disappointed with herself.
“I just wanted... I wanted you to know that... I, I really like you're here... You're here with me... In my house and... I... Well, I just, I just wanted to tell you,” Donna stammered, with a marked accent that made it difficult for you to understand those words.
“I, I'm also very happy by your side, I mean, working for you, I mean... Well, better, I'd better go to bed...” You said, cowardly fleeing from that strange conversation, trying to you’re your heartbeat.
You didn't turn to look at her. You assumed she had the same expression as you.
Trying to forget about those feelings, you put your son to bed, with your head speaking to you intensely, with your heart calling for you to listen to it.
“Mom, my superhero,” the boy said, reaching out to the toy that Donna had made for him. You smiled, grabbing it from the shelf and looked at it, studying it carefully before putting it under the covers next to the boy.
“Honey...” You sighed, stroking his hair. “Tell me, are you happy here?” You asked, to which he smiled, nodding profusely and hugging his toy.
“Yes, mom,” he answered, with a sleepy voice. “Donna is very nice, and Angie is very funny. I like them very much.”
“Do you like Donna?” You asked immediately afterwards, giving away the intention of your question.
“Yes, very much, mom, she is kind, she makes me laugh, and she makes you smile. I want us to stay with her forever,” he said enthusiastically, with all the sincerity of which such a young child was capable of.
“Well, maybe...” You whispered, amused. “I like her too, you know?”
You finally confessed something you were unable to tell yourself. Viktor just smiled at you, pleased by your response.
Yes, you had spent a lot of time denying your feelings, and that confession eased your anguish a bit. It's a shame that such a small child was incapable of keeping quiet.
“Looks like the weather has gotten better,” you murmured during lunch. That strange conversation from the night before had tense the atmosphere again, especially for Donna, who didn't seem to want to look at you, as if she were embarrassed by something.
“Yes, at least we can see the sun,” she commented, without looking up.
“Can we go for a walk in the forest?” Viktor asked, making the tension dissipate for a moment.
“We'll see, honey,” you said, wiping him with a napkin. “Come on, eat.”
“I like the forest. It has very big trees,” the boy said, looking at Donna, who smiled tenderly at him.
“Do you like it?” She asked kindly, looking away from you.
“Yes, I like it as much as my mom likes you,” he commented innocently, making you drop the cutlery on the plate, your heart completely stopping and a blush rising on your cheeks.
“Your… mom?” Donna asked, with the same trembling as you, looking at you slowly, with an expression of astonishment and disbelief.
“Viktor...” You sighed with a dark look. “What are you talking about?”
“You told me last night, Mom, you said you really liked Donna,” the boy said, feeling threatened by your angry look and your painful shame.
“Okay, enough, Viktor, go, go to play with Angie,” you said nervously, pushing your son out of the chair.
“But mom...” He protested confusedly, letting himself be dragged by your hand until he ran in search of the doll.
“Damn...” You muttered, slowly heading to the table, pretending that nothing had happened. “I'm going, I'm going to pick this up,” you said nervously, placing the plates to run out of there.
“Wait,” Donna said, standing up abruptly and stopping your attempt to flee with a hand on your shoulder.
“I'm in a hurry, Donna, I have to pick this up,” you said, on the verge of tears, terribly embarrassed and blushing at that inappropriate comment from your son. True, but inappropriate.
“Wait, please, I...” She begged, holding you tighter as you fought back your tears. “I love you.”
You stopped, turning slightly towards her. You hadn't imagined it, she had really said it. Your heart was about to burst.
“What have you said?” You asked with a broken voice, with a low and suspicious tone.
“I love you, (Y/N), I’m, I’m in love with you,” she confessed, looking away from you, with that same wet shine in her eye.
“Donna, I…” You stammered, not believing it could be true, not believing the voices in your heart were right.
“I didn't dare to tell you because, because I wasn't sure if you could feel the same but...”
“But my loudmouth son encouraged you to do it,” you finished, relaxing your face and leaving the plates on the table again, smiling happily, as if you were in a dream.
“I, I know that I’m not... What... What you are looking for but... I, I would like to be able to... I...”
Her babbling was stopped by a kiss, a kiss that you quickly placed on her lips while your hands played with her hair, preventing her from separating from you. Donna pulled away slowly, but before either of you could say anything else, she kissed you, slowly, enjoying that sensation, that love that had just seen the light.
“Gross!” Angie screamed, approaching the scene with your son, who was looking at you with curiosity.
You both closed your eyes and smiled, resting your foreheads together, your hands roaming your waist, enjoying a small moment of realization, of insights that were taking too long to come.
“I'm in love with you too, Donna,” you confessed, playing with her hand, placing your lips once again on hers, with the salty taste of a tear seasoning that important moment.
“Mom...” Your son called, tugging at your dress. You both smiled at each other again before separating. You took the child into your arms, enjoying his innocence.
“What, honey?” You asked, excited by that moment. Donna looked at you tenderly, not wanting to interrupt.
“Does that mean we will stay here forever?” He asked with an excited smile, excited by that possibility. You looked at Donna, and then at your son.
“Yes, darling…”
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my wife brought up a brilliant point this morning: a huge problem with the way we view psychology (a problem which is frequently exploited + used to justify a lot of just. shitty work) is that it lives in a no-man's land between "social sciences" + "natural sciences" in the collective imagination.
consider: one of the first works which spurned my interest in psychiatric abolition was durkheim's work on suicide. as a sociologist ("social scientist"), he uses pretty rigorous quantitative methods to show that suicide is much less correlated with levels of depression than it is with cultural factors (like religion, country of origin, marriage rates). however, people do not respond to the medicalization of suicide by saying "well, durkheim proved that suicide isn't a mental illness symptom, so this is unscientific"- this is obviously a drastic oversimplification of his work + it's commonly understood that sociology does not "prove" immutable social truths.
similarly, i would not comment on a study which identifies changes in t-cells over time among hiv+ patients by arguing that it didn't deeply explore the social environments or past traumas they had experienced, (even though those could have an impact on t-cell count), because i understand that is not the purpose of the research + ultimately they had to choose to control for these factors without centering them in order to obtain important medical information. "this information is meaningless because it doesn't include each patient's trauma history" would be an absurd critique.
among the general population + many self-assured researchers, psychology gets both the privilege of being a "social science" (so we can't expect it to be TOO exact; it's complicated; it's not really saying that's ALWAYS true; if it proves inaccurate that's because culture/social factors must have muddied it up; we can't really expect PROOF for most of it) as well as a "natural science" (you can't question its basic presumptions or you're a science denier; the dsm describes real things which existed even before it was written; it obviously is rooted in biology even if we haven't discovered how yet; reducing its measures to quantitative evaluation is fine + unproblematic).
my point here isn't to argue that psychology is a "social" or "natural" science, but rather that we need to rethink what work those categories actually do + whether the distinction between them is as strict or meaningful as we believe it to be. our strict dichotomies between "objectively proven truths" + "social observations which are ultimately just informed opinions" are exposed when we look at a field which seems to be uncomfortably situated within both. what kind of work might become possible if we abandoned this dichotomy, rather than bickering over whose work belongs in which club?
#tagging this b4 i start: prayers for me that this can be concise cuz i have a bunch of dead french guys to read for class#psych abolition#ok it wasnt too bad
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Few in the media seemed eager to attend a ceremony last week in Washington, D.C., where the prestigious American Academy of Sciences and Letters was awarding its top intellectual freedom award.
The problem may have been the recipient: Stanford Professor Dr. Jay Bhattacharya.
Bhattacharya has spent years being vilified by the media over his dissenting views on the pandemic. As one of the signatories of the 2020 Great Barrington Declaration, he was canceled, censored, and even received death threats.
That open letter called on government officials and public health authorities to rethink the mandatory lockdowns and other extreme measures in light of past pandemics.
All the signatories became targets of an orthodoxy enforced by an alliance of political, corporate, media, and academic groups. Most were blocked on social media despite being accomplished scientists with expertise in this area.
It did not matter that positions once denounced as “conspiracy theories” have been recognized or embraced by many.
Some argued that there was no need to shut down schools, which has led to a crisis in mental illness among the young and the loss of critical years of education. Other nations heeded such advice with more limited shutdowns (including keeping schools open) and did not experience our losses.
Others argued that the virus’s origin was likely the Chinese research lab in Wuhan. That position was denounced by the Washington Post as a “debunked” coronavirus “conspiracy theory.” The New York Times Science and Health reporter Apoorva Mandavilli called any mention of the lab theory “racist.”
Federal agencies now support the lab theory as the most likely based on the scientific evidence.
The Biden administration tried to censor this Stanford doctor, but he won in court
Likewise, many questioned the efficacy of those blue surgical masks and supported natural immunity to the virus — both positions were later recognized by the government.
Others questioned the six-foot rule used to shut down many businesses as unsupported by science. In congressional testimony, Dr. Anthony Fauci recently admitted that the 6-foot rule “sort of just appeared” and “wasn’t based on data.” Yet not only did the rule result in heavily enforced rules (and meltdowns) in public areas, the media further ostracized dissenting critics.
Again, Fauci and other scientists did little to stand up for these scientists or call for free speech to be protected. As I discuss in my new book, “The Indispensable Right,” the result is that we never really had a national debate on many of these issues and the result of massive social and economic costs.
I spoke at the University of Chicago with Bhattacharya and other dissenting scientists in the front row a couple of years ago. After the event, I asked them how many had been welcomed back to their faculties or associations since the recognition of some of their positions.
They all said that they were still treated as pariahs for challenging the groupthink culture.
Now the scientific community is recognizing the courage shown by Bhattacharya and others with its annual Robert J. Zimmer Medal for Intellectual Freedom.
So what about all of those in government, academia, and the media who spent years hounding these scientists?
Universities shred their ethics to aid Biden’s social-media censorship
Biden Administration officials and Democratic members targeted Bhattacharya and demanded his censorship. For example, Rep. Raja Krishnamoorthi (D-Ill.) attacked Bhattacharya and others who challenged the official narrative during the pandemic. Krishnamoorthi expressed outrage that the scientists were even allowed to testify as “a purveyor of COVID-19 misinformation.”
Journalists and columnists also supported the censorship and blacklisting of these scientists. In the Los Angeles Times, columnist Michael Hiltzik decried how “we’re living in an upside-down world” because Stanford allowed these scientists to speak at a scientific forum. He was outraged that, while “Bhattacharya’s name doesn’t appear in the event announcement,” he was an event organizer. Hiltzik also wrote a column titled “The COVID lab leak claim isn’t just an attack on science, but a threat to public health.”
Then there are those lionized censors at Twitter who shadow-banned Bhattacharya. As former CEO Parag Agrawal generally explained, the “focus [was] less on thinking about free speech … [but[ who can be heard.”
None of this means that Bhattacharya or others were right in all of their views. Instead, many of the most influential voices in the media, government, and academia worked to prevent this discussion from occurring when it was most needed.
There is still a debate over Bhattacharya’s “herd immunity” theories, but there is little debate over the herd mentality used to cancel him.
The Academy was right to honor Bhattacharya. It is equally right to condemn all those who sought to silence a scientist who is now being praised for resisting their campaign to silence him and others.
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