#Reminder that you can do anything you want to your blorbo. Even put them in a carrot costume. Nothing can stop you. It’s YOUR special guy

[sciencewife]

He’s going in my soup later /j

Saw this post and I knew what I had to do to him

[evelhak]

My Top 10 Fav Anime Blorbos (tag game!!)

Thank you so much for the tag @wannabe-cartoonist-blog, I love this. I like your definition of blorbo as "my little guy I wanna consume all the content about". I'm sometimes slightly confused whether I think blorbo is someone I feel the most personal connection to, if it's someone I want to treat like a doll and put in situations, or just my favourite character, since these feelings don't necessarily fit the same character.

I'm just gonna go with my gut, and look for that "something special" feeling that makes a character feel like a bit more than a character to me. That feeling like, even if it's been two decades, the slightest reminder still floods my mind with a feeling as if this character exists in a different way than other characters . 😅 It's hard to explain because it's not exactly that either, but it's such a distinct feeling. Also, I'm limiting myself to one character per anime. (I could fill this with just KnB characters otherwise, because so many of them are so distinct to me.)

Anyone who has spent any time talking to me on Tumblr knows how special Kuroko is to me. Never before has there been a character who so effectively illustrates my own issues to me, and in such gut-punching detail and complexity too, and I doubt there ever will be. (How much closer can you get? Like, it's impossible to get to 100% and even this close feels like a personal attack. Not really, just a funky coincidence. But you never know of course, more wonderful things have happened.) Parallel Play Blorbo Award. Because (apparently) sometimes a character is too similar to you for you to have a direct relationship with that character at least in the way you usually do, if that makes sense. It's more like watching two parallel universes go on side by side, never colliding. Kind of like in real life, sometimes you aren't friends with people who are exactly like you in too many ways, because you won't be doing things in matching ways, just the same ways, which can sometimes be incompatible; the circumstances that would draw you together just never happen. It's not the best analogy, because clearly this character means the world to me, but. Maybe someone will undestand what I'm trying to say.

The Most Character Ever Blorbo Award. You could open a dictionary, look up "character" and find Ranma's face right next to it. Ranma 1/2 was the first manga I read, I was ten years old, and I felt like Ranma was showing me the world. Despite of how surreal the story was and how much of a brat Ranma was sometimes, the most distinct feeling that still comes back to me when I think about Ranma, is trust. Probably because of the can-do, ready-for-anything attitude, on top of the physical skills. At that age I think I still needed a character you could always trust to win in the end. But perhaps what set Ranma apart from all other childhood action heroes was, not only casually changing sex multiple times a day, but the fact that Ranma was unmistakably the same character, whether a boy or a girl. The series has its less than ideal messages for sure, but Ranma was still completely inspiring. So engaging that I was bummed sometimes as the end of the series was coming near, thinking I could never feel the same way about another character or series, ever again.

Turns out I was wrong, of course. I was even more invested in Inuyasha, The character and the series, from the same creator. The Most Iconic Character Blorbo Award. I think Ranma's translation ended and Inuyasha began in my country at the perfect time for me, because I started middle school, and was beginning to appreciate a more complex and serious narrative, after Ranma's slapstick comedy. Inuyasha is epic. Inuyasha is every bit the action hero Ranma is, but also has more gritty emotional realism that really spoke to me at that age. I didn't so much need a character who would never let me down, l needed someone to root for, someone who was more obviously flawed and struggling, someone I could even go through a tragedy with and accept it for what it was. Inuyasha was that. And oh man, did this character and series make me explore some difficult emotions. To this day, if I go back to Inuyasha, it feels like being in the arms of an adult you could feel your feelings with. But the thing about Inuyasha is, at the time I was experiencing it the first time, my perspective was starting to shift: it's not clear whether I'm the one being held or the one holding someone else. And perhaps that's got something to do with why Inuyasha still feels so real and special.

Too-Ticky from Moomins was a character other people said I resembled when I was in high school. Moomins are a big thing in our culture, so I think it touched me that someone saw me in that iconic tale. The first person who said so was trying to pin me down, I think, and she was considering that I was like Snufkin, but she felt like something was off about it, and then it looked like a lightbulb went on, and she said I was like Too-Ticky, "going my own way, doing my own thing" but not like Snufkin, because I was more gentle and helpful and interested in other people over solitude or wandering. Which profoundly touched me, that someone could see that, because I sometimes felt like my introversion was incompatible with my need for connection and my people-oriented outlook. But since then, watching Too-Ticky made me feel like maybe those things are not incompatible after all. Her zen definitely greatly exceeds mine, so I also think of her when I start feeling like I need to remember how to let things go. I particularly like this Too-Ticky quote: “All things are so very uncertain, and that’s exactly what makes me feel reassured” because it almost sounds exactly like something I would say, except not at all. Because the undertone is so laid-back. It's like Too-Ticky is saying "...which is why I'm sitting back" where I would say "...which is why I'm holding on". Sometimes I need more of her kind of thinking. Big Sister Blorbo Award.

Arthurian Trauma Blorbo Award. I... don't even know what happened? It isn't like I hadn't read or watched tragic stories before. But Saber from Fate/Stay Night changed my brain chemistry. I don't know why I couldn't accept the ending. But I couldn't. I. Just. Couldn't. No way in hell. For some reason Saber was a character I NEEDED to go on, in a different way than she did. So I spent a good chunk of high school single-mindedly obsessed with changing her fate. In a fan comic, that I had to forcibly tear myself away from and let go after around 200 pages, having drawn the most important thing, and too many life obligations ganging up on me. It was the first time I gave in to fan creation like that. (KagaKuro was the second.) For a good while I was carrying a folder of comic pages everywhere. I was drawing in secret in class all the time. I remember this one training camp where I would already be drawing if we had a five minute break, and I wouldn't even stop drawing while eating, I just had to use every second I got. For some reason Saber just triggered my I NEED TO SAVE YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO response like no other character before or since.

The Ultimate Fantasy Blorbo Award. Howl makes me so envious. I know he's not as OP as he seems, I know it's not simple. I know he paid a great price and didn't know what he was even doing. But my God, I want, so badly, to have easy-breezy power like him. Even for a moment. Even if it's surface level. For once, I just want to know what it would be like. He can save someone by just taking their hand and literally strolling through the air with them. He can provide a bigger and better house for his family by just focusing for a minute and imagining it into existence. He can give so much so easily without breaking a sweat, obviously looking flawless while doing all that. I want to feel like that for once. YES I know there's so much sadness and pain and the danger of going too far with his magic, but that doesn't change the fact that I want what he has. That incredible lightness of power and motion and the untouchable, easy air of his demeanor. What would I give for one day as Howl? I just want to feel like I don't need to work so hard for minimum results all the time. I want to have excess power. I want to feel like I'm not absolutely spent every time I get what I want, or manage what's expected of me. Just for a moment, I want the real life equivalent of being able to stroll through the air and skip over rooftops. Physical freedom. It's gut-wrenchingly sweet to think about.

The Queer Blorbo Award. Oscar from The Rose of Versailles is relevant to SO many queer people, relatable from a variety of perspectives and identities. Don't let the glitter eyes and clunky animation fool you, this anime is amazing, and ahead of its time, it's still ahead of OUR time in some ways, and Oscar is definitely a queer icon. I stumbled upon an old video of this anime in the library when I was seven, and woah. It was magic. I definitely idolized Oscar for a long time. It was amazing having a hero that spoke to some part of you there were no names for. (Not to mention I knew that the Finnish version of Oscar was one of the names my parents had considered for me before I was born. That felt almost like an extended hand from a completely unattainable hero, haha.) Yeah, I definitely role-played as this character a lot as a child. I was just blown away by the heroics back then, but as an adult I can better appreciate how simultaneously stupid and smart, naive and mature, passionate and lazy, composed and all over the place Oscar is. A very intriguing and genuine character.

The It Could Be So Much Worse Blorbo Award. Fakir from Princess Tutu is born to write and born to do ballet, but instead his life keeps being a complete mess. His creations come to life literally and can kill the people he loves most. He has to babysit a guy who's got nothing but mindless self-sacrifice left of his soul and will jump out of a window to save a bird (without pants). His soulmate is a literal duck, who only visited life as a human girl. So... even if I sometimes fear that my writing is too much for some people I love, if I feel like I'm powerless to protect people even more powerless than me, if I feel like I can't connect with the people I wish to connect with, in the way that I would want... Yeah. It could be so much worse. And I probably wouldn't trade lives with Fakir, even though it would mean I would get his ballet skills, too. Even if Fakir's situation couldn't literally happen, thinking about him gives me perspective and makes me feel less sorry for myself when I get like that. Because he's doing everything I want to do, better than me, but objectively? His life mostly sucks.

The Teacher Blorbo Award. Maybe the most special thing about Hikari from Digimon, isn't that she was my favourite character in the first anime I was able to share with my first friend in school... Maybe it's that she was also my friend's favourite character, and that taught 8-year-old kids a lot about sharing and how to play nice in fandom. Yeah, we loved her personality, her character design, her digimon, her character songs and all that, and our life mission was to find a top like hers... but perhaps it's thanks to Hikari being both of our favourite, that some things were obvious to me before I ever set foot in online community. Things like, you can't own a character. That sharing different perspectives enriches your experience instead of taking away from it. That fandom isn't a competition. That if you feel nit-picky, the prize is usually on the other side of getting over yourself. Basic things, that are sometimes hard to learn or remember, even for adults.

The Overidentification Blorbo Award. Haku from Spirited Away was that character whose actions I had a strong need to explain in ways that made sense from my own perspective, to assign him motivations that I would have had in his shoes, even if something different would have been more plausible or more narratively interesting or coherent. I was ten, and I think it lasted for a year or two. I think what I learned from it was to look for a better balance: you can use your experience as an inspiration but it should only enrich, not override the core of the character or the thematic integrity of the original story. If you can't admit when someone you identify with, differes from you, or does something you wouldn't do, that's dishonest, in an intellectual and creative way too. Of course this is all coming from a perspective of valuing a quite "serious" approach to analysis, and fanfiction too. (Which makes sense for me, because fiction is my career.) I know not everyone values that, and it's fine. (This is NOT a statement to invalidate anyone whose fandom experience relies dominantly on self-referential content, such as self-shipping. I encourage everyone to be as self-indulgent as you want. Only you know what's good for you.) This is just how I learned how I personally want to do things. Of course I couldn't articulate it as a little kid, but I experienced this sense of dishonesty and overindulgence that I didn't like. I want myself and what I can draw from my life to be in service of the subject, not the other way around. I only want to use "me" where I genuinely think my experience makes a story or a character stronger by filling in the gaps in a way that brings a relevant and innovative angle to the themes. So. Thanks, Haku, for making me grow as an artist.

Why are four of my blorbos drawing their swords I'm sure it says nothing about me

Thanks for reading my self-indulgent rambling. But perhaps some of it is relatable to someone? I hope. Apologies for getting so wordy and coming up with my own 'Blorbo Awards'... @wannabe-cartoonist-blog's original post was much more concise and sensible.

I'm tagging @lylakoi @art-of-firefly @active-mind-15 @istps @shutokushintaro @worldly-nugget only because I can't tag everyone, so, anyone, please do it if you want. I for one, love reading this kind of thing from people. ✨

[yuukei-yikes]

heterophobic asker here. while i don’t support shinaya, i really love how you wrote ayano in relation to it. it’s as if she’s lived her life so much as a selfless person that she’s lost the ability (or confidence) to express her own more selfish desires. however, that doesn’t mean those desires go away, and instead it’s as if she’s compartmentalizing them as concern for others/actually selfless/not a big deal in order to do them anyway. i’m not gonna call her toxic or anything, but i adore that aspect of her character. it feels so right for a self sacrificing character to fulfill their desires in a roundabout, kinda toxic way. like kano, she also doesn’t really want to acknowledge what she really wants. unfortunately, it’s those unspoken desires that are in conflict which is such a great source of drama.

to be honest, i’ve never liked ayano for reasons that have nothing to do with kagepro (someone i knew who was kinda shitty was kin with her or whatever so it’s just a bad reminder) but i really love your ayano. it’s nice to be able to engage with the character who isn’t (such) an enthusiastic self martyr and is instead someone with human flaws. i do support kanoshin but more importantly, i support women’s wrongs.

heterophobic asker. wonderful way to identify urself.

it's sad you can't enjoy ayano as a character very much because of a bad experience, but i hope that can keep changing cause bitches are bitches and she will always be fictional so. why let a bitch ruin a fun thing for u. i hope u can continue in the path of ayano tateyama blorbo loving...

that said, i'm glad u like my writing of her :3 i also don't think she's toxic, i definitely think she means well but her lack of understanding of her Own emotions is what's sort of driving the problem too.

ayano who is someone constantly giving and caring for others, who is desperate for her feelings to reach the people she loves, hence her eye power... she's spent all this time trying to get her feelings through to people, but she hasn't done the work of figuring out those feelings for herself yet, so the things she does might seem selfish, 'cause. they are. but as humans we are all selfish to a degree. we want attention, and to be noticed and to be put into consideration.

so for ayano, who's KNOWN of her baggage with kano, having those feelings suddenly be mixed in with the baggage she DIDN'T know she had with shintaro, through finding out they've found EACH OTHER as people and apparently understand one another far better than they've ever understood her, is like. it's sad for her. because just like shintaro sees kano and ayano as isolated parts of his life, ayano is a little guilty of this too. how come the people who know her best, know each other better than they know her?? something like that...

but like how could they not, if ayano's never talking about how she feels and what she wants. she's always smiling through everything. kano's also avoidant but i think he's very vocal on what he wants and doesn't want, even when that's talking about something. i think that's also the diff between shinaya when they were dating (ayano playing mind games with shintaro 'cause she finds it hard to express her feelings) and then kanoshin (kano and shintaro being very confrontational with each other, even though that could lead to fights)

there's jealousy in both sides for ayano. she's jealous shintaro can see through kano so easily, to the point the walls kano's built between all of his relationships, shintaro's is considerably thinner. if that metaphor means anything. and she's jealous of kano because he seems to be the one shintaro's constantly after

both kano and ayano feel like afterthoughts. but like. kano told shintaro to stay the hell away and he did. ayano is very emotional and prone to breakdowns also erm pregnant, so shintaro said he'd step up for her and get his shit together, and he did. 'cause he's. JUST A GUY. he's not gonna fix Them he can only try to fix HIS doings. even tho shintaro's the grumpy type who's always yelling abt everything, he doesn't get mad suuuper easily, and then he's apologetic. in the novels, he talks about a time where ene was up to her usual nefarious doings while he slept, but since he was dreaming of ayano, he woke up and yelled at her REAL BAD. like seriously angry type of stuff, and ene was shocked. they didn't speak for the whole day, and then shintaro profusely apologized to her. shintaro is very sensitive, he can say sorry.

the thing abt Baby aside from me liking when people get pregnant in sitcoms, is. 1 i hc shintaro acts this way because he never thinks of the future, thinking of Time in any way can sorta make him spiral. so he never fucking Thinks. 2. ayano thinks of her own self worth through what she can do for others and how they can need her. so... when you're expecting a BABY, a human kid ur gonna have to raiseeee!! you're going to have to plan: sorry shintaro ur gonna have to think of the future. and for the person carrying, the body goes through craaazy big changes not only physically but MENTALLY: sorry ayano ur gonna have to face yourself.

to give her kid the world like she would like, she HAS to take care of herself. she has her other kids, but they've all got their own stories and this is gonna sound a little bad but, ayano could focus on Fixing them, Saving them. they had their own rough upbringings already, so ayano wasn't gonna be worse, she was going to be a saviour. she was gonna help. she was gonna be a hero.

a baby is different. a baby ur making all by urself? yeah u can fuck that kid up. u gotta give them everything you are because they don't know anything those thangs dont even walk bro... so how can u give yourself to ur tiny thang if you don't know what you're giving them, u dont know urself!?!? idk. something something.

so. you know. i think lil baby is fun for both shintaro and ayano cause it makes them uncomfortable with themselves. tfw now u gotta plan for the future and think of ur wants. but if they didnt wanna be uncomfortable maybe they shouldn't have done it lol. also they'd be cuteful swagful parents i think, from the bottom of my heart...

[jujumin-translates]

[A3!] ★ Main Story | Act 15 - Painful RE:bake | Episode 8 - An Easy-to-Understand Taste

*Classroom door slides open*

Keiku: Mornin’.

Female Classmate A: It’s not even remotely that early.

Female Classmate B: It’s lunchtime.

Female Classmate A: Where’d you stay yesterday?

Keiku: His house.

Classmate A: My place.

Classmate B: So why’d you come here by yourself and leave Keiku behind?

Classmate A: I told you I at least woke him up.

Female Classmate B: Why don’t you come to my house today~? My parents won’t say anything.

Keiku: Women are a pain in the ass.

Female Classmate B: You’re sooo mean! 

Classmate B: Well, staying at a girl’s house is a bad idea for a lot of reasons.

Keiku: …

Classmate A: Where are you headed?

Keiku: School store. I want somethin’ sweet.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Kureha: …Hmm …The pudding was hard to pass up, but… I was in the mood for a donut today …Though, it’s the last of either of them, so…

Girl A: Ah, Kureha-kun’s troubled.

Girl B: He has been for a while now.

Girl A: He’s so cute~. He’s such a blorbo.

Keiku: (...Blorbo, huh?)

*Keiku takes something from Kureha*

Keiku: --.

Kureha: Huh?

*Keiku walks away*

Store Clerk: Pudding and a donut, that’ll be 300 yen. Thank you.

Kureha: Wait, you-- I was just about to make my decision. I can’t believe you just took both of them…

Keiku: I’ll take the pudding.

Kureha: Huh?

Keiku: …Your hair reminds me of cheesecake.

Kureha: Hold on, wait, I need to--.

Keiku: ‘S’on me.

*Keiku walks away*

Kureha: --Thank you!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Keiku: (Pudding and donuts have the same sweetness anyway.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Female Classmate A: …If I’m being honest, Keiku-kun is cool but kinda scary.

Classmate B: He must be psycho or something ‘cause you can never tell what he’s thinking.

Female Classmate A: Exactly.

Female Classmate B: And is that thing on his face like a burn or something? Or is it from an accident? Like a scar from a fight or something?

Classmate A: Nah, I think he was just born with it.

Female Classmate B: Really?

Female Classmate A: Can’t you just like get that kinda thing fixed?

Classmate A: He doesn’t want to.

Classmate B: You sure know a lot. Ask him more questions, Master of Strange Creatures.

Classmate A: Bet. I’ll tame him with something sweet.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Keiku: …

Keiku: (...It’s still hard to tell what this is except that it hurts and it’s sweet, just like always.)

Keiku: (Whatever, I could just go into the classroom and beat the hell outta those guys.)

Keiku: (If I hit ‘em as hard as I could, my hands would get all tingly and they’d probably be terrified. Yeah, now that’s easy to understand.)

Keiku: (But that guy’s house is one of the places I sleep. I’ll just go for somethin’ sweet today, not somethin’ painful.)

Keiku: …

Keiku: …Now I want cheesecake.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

*Camera clicks*

Towa: How was that?

Ibuki: God, none of these are useable! Again.

Towa: Seriously~? Even this one?

Ibuki: Hurry.

Towa: But they all look the same to me…

*Camera clicks*

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Towa: How’s this?

Ibuki: …Hm, well, whatever.

Towa: Haaah…

Ibuki: The cheesecake here is really good. Hurry up and eat it.

Towa: After taking all those videos and pics, I’m finally allowed to eat… Hm?

Towa: Huh, this is really good!

Ibuki: I know, right?

Towa: This is the best cheesecake I’ve ever had! The cheese is so rich yet refreshing, what the heck?

Towa: I’m gonna get some to-go for my aunt… Tokyo’s amazing…

Ibuki: Anyway, how are things going with finding the other two troupe members?

Towa: I want one of them to be someone who can do action.

Ibuki: Hmm?

Towa: Like MANKAI Company’s Autumn Troupe members!

Ibuki: Alright, that’s enough of your ManPani brainrot. Well, I guess I do hope we get a good cast of characters.

Ibuki: I’m sure if we put something on TikTak saying we’re recruiting members we’d find people in no time, but what do you think?

Towa: Hmm… I think it’s important to have good chemistry with your troupemates, since you’re gonna be friends with them for a long time and have to talk about a lotta things with them.

Towa: That’s why I still wanna scout people out with my own eyes.

Ibuki: Gotcha, I’ll leave it to you then.

Towa: Still, I can’t just sit back and relax too much…

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Store Clerk A: If you’re in line, please come to this register.

Store Clerk A: This cake set will be 970 yen. How would you like to pay?

Towa: I’ll use ONIGIRI Pay--.

Store Clerk B: Are you sure about the 20 pieces of cheesecake?

Keiku: I’m sure.

Store Clerk B: That’ll be 8400 yen. I’ll go get those for you.

Towa: --.

Keiku: …What?

Towa: Ah, I’m sorry--.

Store Clerk B: Thank you so much.

*Keiku walks away*

Towa: …

Ibuki: Whatcha looking at?

Towa: For some reason… That guy caught my eye.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Keiku: Mhm… Awphm…

Passerby A: Huh, was he eating cheesecake just now?

Passerby B: I’ve never seen someone walk while eating cheesecake before.

Juza: …

Keiku: ? 

Keiku: I don’t really have time for a fight right now, but--.

Juza: That cheesecake… Where’d ya get it?

Keiku: Hah? At that café over there.

Juza: …”Fromage Maison”. I knew it. The last time I got a present it was from that store.

Juza: Thanks. Ya were a real help.

Keiku: …--.

Keiku: What’s your name?

Juza: Juza Hyodo.

Keiku: …Guess not. Awmph…

Juza: …Looks good enough to eat.

Keiku: Huh?

Keiku: (Did he say it looked good…? My face…?)

Keiku: …

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

[elvenbeard]

OC INTERVIEW: Vincent "V" Ezaki

Tagged by: @pinkyjulien @chevvy-yates @wraithsoutlaws and @v-eats-bugs thank you so much!!! <3

I'm gonna steal the idea some of you had and let him answer in character, but I'm gonna put some more context (and/or the truth xD) after Vince's reply where I see fit!

Tagging everyone who sees this and hasn't been tagged yet :3c I think most of you have done this at this point, but do please tag me if you do, I wanna read about your blorbos!!

■ NICKNAME ■ "Just 'V'."

100% going with the "only people that know me really well can use my real name" canon, because I love that scene and moment so much (and the lil nod to it again in the Tower Ending with Johnny ;_;). In my hc, Jackie gave him the nickname "V" on the day they met. Up until then he had always insisted on the full "Vincent" with everyone, and Jackie was the one to urge him to be careful with whom he shares his full identity. Meanwhile it's the other way around and "Vincent" is reserved for friends only... and "Vince" exclusively for Kerry really xD

■ GENDER ■ "Could say I'm a self-made man." ;)

This highly depends on who is asking the question here, if it's a very casual setting he'd say the above, if it's something to go into a screamsheet or whatnot he'd be more like "well, take a wild fuckin' guess" or just "male". He doesn't hide the fact he's trans, and he's proud of his journey and identity, but it's still not something he'd want to publically discuss with strangers without anything to gain from it.

■ STAR SIGN ■ "Gemini I think, but I gotta say, astrology isn't exactly something I have deep knowledge or opinions about."

He celebrates his birthday June 10th, but his real birthday in in September, so he's actually a Libra xD

■ HEIGHT ■ "5'6."

■ ORIENTATION ■ "Sorry ladies." ;)

Again, highly contextual on who is asking, and depending on that his answer might be more evasive or he'd just decline to answer. The less details about his private life are in the public's eye the better. But if the context is a fun night out with friends and he feels safe, he'd definitely give a more cheeky response and, to not get anyone's hopes up, just straightforward let them know he's gay.

■ NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY■ "Born and raised in Night City and a proud citizen ever since."

He doesn't talk about his family because he's cut ties with them long ago. His mother, Marcella, was also from Night City, your average NUS citizen with mixed European heritage. His father, Kousuke, was Japanese. He and Vince's mother met through work for a certain corporation that wasn't necessarily welcome in NC at the time (but I bet my ass still very much present in one way or another).

■ FAVE FRUIT ■ "When I was a kid, I once had daifuku with real, straight-from-the-ground strawberries. Somewhere way out there on the Japanese countryside, couldn't tell you where exactly anymore. Still got no idea where they even got the strawberries from, but no RealFruit ever matched those."

■ FAVE SEASON ■ "Don't think I have a real preference here, 'specially cause Night City's warm all year round. I like it that way. Could do with less sandstorms though. I like it when it rains now and then, the steam on the asphalt, everything is just... quieter, in a way."

■ FAVE FLOWER ■ "One made from plastic."

Vince doesn't have a green thumb and no mind to care for plants either. He's far from an outdoorsy, nature-loving person XD Do not gift him flowers, he will not know what to do with them. That being said though: he has two big stylized lotus flowers tattooed. The first one he got shortly before he left his home, when he began his transition. The second after his top surgery, when he already worked for Arasaka, as a reminder to stay true to himself on the inside, especially whenever he couldn't outwardly. He just likes the lotus aesthetically, the shapes and symmetry, and that it symbolizes rebirth and transformation.

■ FAVE SCENT ■ "Clean bedsheets and freshly brewed green tea."

And the odd mix of Kerry's overpriced bodywash and favourite cigarettes XD

■ COFFEE, TEA, HOT CHOCOLATE ■ "Yes, in that order please. Coffee with milk and sugar, tea is fine just plain, green or black."

He's definitely more of a coffee than a tea drinker, and whatever it is, it's gotta be a little fancy xD Vince is the kind of person with a long-ass signature order at the coffee shop, and I 100% see him loving bubble tea in any combination and variation in existence. The only time he drinks his coffee black is when he accidentally orders "the same as him" in a moment of distraction at Caliente's with Kerry. But tea he occasionally likes just plain, but then it has to be high quality organic real tea leaves. Hot chocolate is a nice special treat, too.

■ AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP ■ "Even in my line of work a regular sleep schedule is possible - and necessary, to stay sharp. I try to get my 7 hours of sleep in."

The somewhat regular sleep schedule is really something he values and tries to stick to, although the Relic and Johnny's presence really mess it up for a long while. But especially because his lack of sleep while working at Arasaka contributed to him developing a drug addiction to cope with the stress and sleep-deprivation it's something he doesn't want to fall back into.

■ DOG OR CAT PERSON ■ "Defintiely cats."

■ DREAM TRIP ■ "I'd like to return to Japan one day for a short vacation - see if I can find that daifuku shop again, haha. Would also love to visit Europe more extensively than what I've seen of it so far. And, who knows, maybe the Crystal Palace one day."

And the Phillipines with Kerry <3

■ FAVE FICTIONAL CHARACTER ■ "Ooohhh, that's a hard question, let me think for a moment... [insert long analysis of different movie and video game characters and why they're good or bad and why he likes them or not]"

Evading this a little bit because I don't wanna dive into a rabbit hole of seeing what canonical fictional characters there are and why Vince might like them or not xD He is a big nerd and a gamer and knows so much more than I do XD Also, he'd 100% be the kind of person who's rooting for the evil guys, because often their motivations and goals are much more complex and interesting than the "hero's" in his eyes xD and he's fascinated by the concept that they're doomed to lose by the narrative usually (because the good guys usually win), but still fight tooth and nail to achieve their goals and safe their own skin. He can relate to that a lot more than the selfless goodie-two-shoes who just want to save the world and make it a better place.

■ NUMBER OF BLANKETS THEY SLEEP WITH ■ "In this weather one is more than enough. Sometimes none is better."

■ RANDOM FACT ■ "It takes around 7 seconds for someone to form a solid first impression of you in a face-to-face conversation. It takes my Kiroshis' scanners half as long to additionally supply me with all the data on you I need to permanently ruin your life for good."

[thornwolfy235]

WIP 6 - First Intimacy

I'm going to post a bunch of WIPs in a row now. maybe with a little feedback I'll get the gumption to finish one of them.

A bit of info on them first. I wrote all of these in an effort to deal with an exceptionally bad break-up (might as well call it a divorce, we lived together for 6 years). A lot of these are "how it should've gone" type stuff. I was never able to decide if they should be a full chapter by chapter "novel" or just a bunch of oneshots within the same universe and make a collection of them in order or whatever. Maybe I'll drop them to Ao3 as well. They are all xfem!Readers with my blorbos Grillby and Gaster (though most have no anatomy mentioned, so you can safely read no matter what gender you are). I'd appreciate a glance through if nothing else.

As the title suggests, this is Grillby and Reader's first intimate encounter. For as long as this WIP is, it doesn't actually get too terribly far into anything, but I still have to say MINORS DON'T READ. This is mostly fluff and consent and experimenting. Quick reminder that Reader is female, though again it doesn't get too very far, not even below the belt. Because I take too, too long with descriptions and dialogue.

Oh, also, Reader and Grillby have become SoulBonded, which in my universe is like a deeply committed relationship. Kind of an engagement type deal?

CW: 18+

((needs stuff))

He leaned down to kiss you, first softly, then with more force. His tongue ran along your lips, seeking entrance. You pulled away with a whimper, not anticipating the sudden passion from him. Though his flames seemed normal enough, his eyes were nearly white. “Sweet spark, please…please let me see you. I want to touch you…feel you…claim you…” he almost growled.

You pulled back further, a mix of fear and want fighting in you. “I don’t…I’m not ready to…Grillby…”

He took a breath and shook his head, a little of his intensity falling away. “No, dearest spark. I’m not seeking to make you my Mate. Not yet. I just want…need to be near you. I’ve learned your mind and your SOUL, and now I need to learn your body. I need to show you that your trust isn’t misplaced. I promise I won’t do anything you don’t agree to. Just let…let me be with you.”

You swallowed nervously. The proposition was…very attractive, but… “I’m scared. It feels like everything is going so fast now.”

He dropped his head with a hollow chuckle. “I know, I know. It’s a lot right now. Our SOULs are likely trying to figure out the Bond dynamic as well, which is only adding to the confusion. I’m sorry.” He looked at you, eyes closer to their normal golden-yellow, if still a little pale. “I won’t do anything you aren’t okay with, I promise. My SOUL is just begging to be as close to you as possible. I want to learn you and show you how much you mean to me.”

Admittedly, you liked that idea a lot. You wanted that closeness, to try out deeper intimacy with him. Your nerves just needed to be eased a little more. “W-will you stop if I ask you to?”

“Yes, and I won’t hold it against you, either,” he assured you, voice as tender as you’d ever heard it. “I would never hold it against you.”

“Then y-yes, I want to try,” you murmured, reaching up to cup his cheek. He put his hand over yours and kissed your palm. “Just…be gentle?”

“Always, my sweet spark.” He let you go, hands going to undo the buttons of his shirt as he leaned in to kiss your lips. “I am sorry for my forcefulness earlier. I know you don’t like open-mouthed kisses. I…lost myself for a moment. It wasn’t lust or aggression, just the need to be near you.”

“I-I…I think I understand. And you know I don’t mind trying them…I just still don’t know what to do with them…but if you want to try again…” you trailed off, watching his fingers work.

He paused, mulling the thought over, before resuming undoing the buttons. “Perhaps if the feeling is right,” he conceded. You watched as little by little his chest was revealed. As he finished with the last of them, you tentatively lifted a hand to reach for him but froze before actually touching him. He waited to see if you would touch him yourself, but as it became clear your were too nervous to try, he gently took your hand in his. He kissed your fingers softly before guiding it to where a sternum would be on a human and held it there for a moment. “Is this alright?”

“I’m scared I’ll mess this up somehow…” you admitted in a whisper, looking up into his eyes.

He affectionately bumped his forehead against yours. “You won’t. I don’t think you could.” He released your hand as your other one joined it, gently running over his chest and stomach. You weren’t able to look away from his face, strangely too nervous to see what you touched yet willing to meet his eyes. There was a solid, defined form beneath his fiery skin, though the shape seemed rougher than that his hands and face. They lacked human bone and muscle structures you were used to. No abs, no defined ribcage, things that made sense as you thought about them. He was magical fire; what need would he have for those? As you ran your fingers up along his sides, you grazed something cool, hard, and jagged. Alarmed, you recoiled with a gasp. “It’s alright, dear spark. It’s just a scar,” he murmured. He calmly shrugged his shirt off the rest of the way, revealing his shoulders, arms, and chest fully. What you had touched was a patch of black stone the size of your palm, its edges and cracks glowing red. There were a handful of smaller blotches littered across him, almost too small to notice unless you looked for them. “My form is fairly resilient, but some injuries do not…reignite even after healing. The large one was from a human mage with water magic,” he explained.

“I-I’m sorry,” you squeaked, set on edge by the old wounds and his suddenly bare top. He was much more intimidating this way, and it took you a moment before you realized why. The flames across his neck, shoulders, and upper arms flared high much like those on his head, like a lion’s mane unrestricted by gravity, making him appear much larger than you were used to. He looked imposing…threatening.

“Please don’t be afraid,” he said, startling you despite the softness of his voice. “I can feel it from your SOUL…I didn’t mean to frighten you…” Now ashamed, you held your hands to your chest as though it would stop your SOUL from projecting your emotions to him. “No, don’t…It’s okay. It’s important to me to understand how you feel. I don’t want you to hide that from me,” he said, putting his hands over yours and pushing them down.

You let out a stress-filled giggle. “W-wow, I really need to get a-a handle on this Bond thing, don’t I?”

“Stop, please. Just relax.”

“Grillby, you know telling me that is like telling a tree to take a walk!” you whined.

“Relax,” he repeated, now holding both of your hands. “Everything is big and new and you feel like you don’t know what to do with it, but I’m here. I’m here with you, and I’m going be to here for all of it. Take a breath, and relax. Tell me why you became scared.”

You swallowed and tried to do as he said. Your fingers tightened on his, which he returned, the pressure helping to steady you. “Y-your flames are…bigger. A-and that made you seem bigger, and then the scars, and what your SOUL showed me, and…I-I think it just occurred to me for the first time who you are…”

“Your friendly barkeep? Your boyfriend? Your SOULbonded? Because that’s who I am. The past may have shaped me, but I get to choose what I do with it. I chose to never don my armor or pick up a weapon again years ago. Now, I choose to be yours.”

You blinked back tears at the sudden rush of love you felt for him and from him as he let it flow through the Bond for a moment. “I choose to be yours, too,” you whispered.

He smiled sweetly at you. “I know,” he said, giving you a long, gentle kiss. He guided your arms around his shoulders, patiently accepting your trepidation as your bare skin passed into his flames, but like when you played with the ones on his head, they were borderline hot but didn’t harm you. “I would never, could never hurt you, my love,” he assured you.

“I-I know. You’d think I’d have caught on to that by now.”

He chuckled. “I’m patient. You have plenty of time to learn.”

You laughed with him. “Why…why are your flames bigger?” you asked.

“That’s what happens when fire is exposed to oxygen, dearest,” he teased with a smirk.

You blinked. “Oh. I should’ve thought of that.”

He laughed loud and long, hugging you hard. “I’m never going to be bored with you around, am I?” He caught your lips in a kiss before you could answer, then a second, more forceful one. You felt his tongue touch your lips and this time let him in. He explored for a moment, tongue touching the roof of your mouth, running along your teeth, before it found yours. You broke the kiss with a little gasp, still unsure about it. “It’s alright,” he murmured before you could apologize, lips finding yours again. He kissed from there to your cheek and down to your neck where he touched his teeth to your skin in the lightest bite possible. You whimpered softly, going boneless at the feeling, which earned a low chuckle from him. “Never bored at all,” he murmured, pressing his face into the crook of your neck with a happy sigh. His flames tickled your cheek, making you giggle. “May I see you, too?” he asked.

You felt yourself lock up for a moment before forcing yourself to relax. You were safe here. In fact, there probably wasn’t a safer place you could be. “Yes,” you whispered.

He eased you back, hands sliding under your shirt to rest on your waist. “May I undress you, or would you rather do that yourself?”

You blushed. “I-I’d rather do it, if that’s okay…” He nodded, thumbs rubbing comforting little circles into your skin as he waited for you to work up the courage to do so. Deciding to get the awkwardness over with as quickly as possible, you pulled your shirt and bra off at the same time. You sat there, fighting the urge to cover your breasts with your arms.

His fingers moved up your sides, pausing at the feel of your ribs before slowly going over them as though counting. There was a little trickle of emotions from his side of the Bond, as though there was so much there that they were escaping whatever dam he’d put up. Aside from the ever-present affection, there was curiosity, the desire to see-touch-learn-know you. “I thought human bones were rigid, but I can feel them shift as you breath,” he murmured.

“Our bones have a little bend to them, otherwise they’d facture at the slightest pressure, but the ribcage also isn’t a solid structure, not mostly anyways. There’s a lot of stretchy, flexible cartilage connecting the ribs to the sternum, and they aren’t fused with our vertebrae either. They’re attached by tiny ligaments, and now I’m nervous-rambling.”

He smiled. “That’s perfectly fine, spark. I want to understand you, how you work and feel, what you like and don’t.”

You searched his face as you processed that. “This…this really isn’t about sex o-or even claiming me, is it? I’m just as much of a novelty to you as you are to me.”

“It has very little to do with sex, and while I do want to ensure you know that you are mine, learning your body is my primary goal,” he said patiently before tilting his head. “Why does this surprise you?”

You swallowed, suddenly embarrassed. “W-well…f-for humans, this sort of intimacy would usually be considered heavy petting or foreplay. It is for learning a little, but pleasure-seeking and potentially escalating into sex is generally the driving force.”

“Ah…” He frowned. “That’s…truly a shame. To not take the chance to use first intimacy to focus on learning and teaching feels like a waste.”

“So this…what we’re doing right now…It’s common for Monsters?”

“Very much so for those romantically coupled, especially after first Bonding. Even among similar forms, there is this sort of…learning period. Unlike humans who have a fairly universal shape, our physical forms are all so varied that it’s important to understand how the other works before attempting any sort of sexual intimacy. Not to mention it builds up trust and love and security,” he explained.

You mulled that over for a moment before going rigid. “Wait…I’ve been nervous this entire relationship about asking to touch you or how your body works, thinking I might be offending you, when it was totally normal and actually expected of me?”

His eyes widened. “You were uneasy all those times because thought you were offending me? I thought you were worried that you might get burned by me! I-I thought you were afraid of me!”

You put your head in your hands. “I’m so dumb,” you moaned, feeling your cheeks heat up.

He bumped his head against yours. “No dumber than me,” he said, sounding relieved. “I’ve been reassuring you all along that I wouldn’t hurt you when that wasn’t the problem at all.”

“No, no; reassuring is nice. I like being reassured. At the very least, it gives me the warm fuzzies, and there are definitely times I need those,” you said quickly, getting a little huff of laughter in return. “But… Yeah…I was afraid you’d get mad at me for asking something stupid or obvious to anyone else but me.”

“Oh, spark, I could never be mad at you for asking questions. You weren’t doing it out of malice. You wanted to understand me, which I think is wonderful. I’m just…shocked you were never afraid of me.”

“No. Just that little bit ago, when I first saw you without your shirt. And…I don’t think ‘afraid’ is the right word…More like…” You thought about it before changing your approach. “Humans have been told that we’re stronger than Monsters. Our bodies are made up of ‘stuff,’ so we can take more physical damage and have way more determination, which in turn means we’re harder to stop if one of us does want to hurt one of you. The PR people spun that to encourage humans to think that Monsters literally can’t pose a threat, which is probably for the best as it’s likely been keeping most humans from freaking out too much, extremists notwithstanding. But it also makes it easy to forget that Monsters aren’t totally harmless and helpless. So seeing you, way back then in your memories and just now, big and honestly kind of intimidating, sort of made me realize that I’m...outclassed by you. And it’s not that I think you would hurt me, but whatever instinctive, primal bit of my brain just kind of kicked in for a second to be like ‘Hey, idiot! You’re literally playing with fire here!’ I kind of forgot you were you, and suddenly thought that I could be in danger, o-or that there was the potential for it at least.” You paused, feeling guilty for your earlier reaction. “Does that make…any sense?”

He nodded slowly. “It’s a fair assessment of things,” he said, almost reluctantly. “Do you think that will be something in the back of your mind now? That you’re ‘outclassed’ by me. I don’t want…I worry you’ll feel like you have to tiptoe around me now.”

You shrugged but shook your head. “It might pop up once in a while, but I don’t think it’ll make me treat you any different. Just…when it does show up, I might need you to remind me that it’s still you.”

He smiled, though there was a tinge of sadness to it. “I can manage that. Thank you for being honest with me.” His hands slid back down to your waist. “Do you want to stop for tonight?” You shook your head, confused. “No. Why?”

“If this sort of exploration isn’t comfortable for you, I don’t want to make you continue.”

You glanced away, embarrassed. “It’s not uncomfortable, per se, but I will probably find such…intimate touching arousing, and I don’t know if that would make you uncomfortable.” His gentle smile became that teasing smirk again. “It isn’t unheard of for Monsters to get a little riled up during this. And there are ways of assisting with that without resorting to sex, you know.”

You blushed. “W-well, ye-es…”

His expression softened as he leaned in to kiss your forehead. “I am happy to take care of you, sweet spark. Whether it’s supporting you, reassuring you, or helping you when you’re wound up because of me, I’m here for you.”

“I know…I just…worry it’s too fast or too soon…or that you don’t want to but are just going along with my dumb body’s urges to make me happy.”

“Your body isn’t dumb; You’re simply designed differently from Monsters. And I’m not ‘just going along’ with it. I can say ‘no’ or decide what’s far enough, just like you can.” He grinned mischievously. “Besides, I am feeling a little…playful as well. And if I’m to be your Mate, eventually I’ll have to learn what makes you feel good, won’t I?”

You were positive you found a way to blush even harder. “Tr-true…You’ve just never made me feel rushed, so I wanted to make sure I wasn’t rushing you. So…just to make sure…this won’t make me your Mate yet, will it?”

He shook his head. “No. There’s a lot more involved to the process than that. As I told you before, even sex wouldn’t do it. To become SOULmates, you must let your partner see and touch your SOUL, and do the same for theirs. It’s the ultimate expression of vulnerability and trust. Not that I don’t trust you or think you don’t trust me, but it’s…big. It’s like if…” he paused to think about his wording. “If we were to liken our Bonding to an engagement, Mating would be marriage…times ten.”

You nodded. “I…think I understand,” you said softly. You reached out and touched his chest, closing your eyes to focus his heat and his solidness.

He stayed still, though you were certain he was looking at your hand curiously. “What are you thinking about?”

“You. How you feel. I noticed…Your body feels less…formed? I-I mean, just compared to me. The shape is there, but I don’t feel the bone or muscle structure I’m used to,” you said. You opened your eyes as you ran your hand up to his shoulder and down his arm. “But that changes just above your elbow. It feels more like my arm. Your hands are even more defined than that. I can practically feel tendons on the back of your hand when you move your fingers,” you finished as you reached his hand. He took it off your side to intertwine his fingers with yours.

“It’s not a conscious decision on my part. I think that my SOUL simply focuses on refining the more important features. A well-formed hand is more useful to me than a chiseled torso, for example. Does it bother you?”

“No, no. It’s just…an observation. Besides, I’ve never really been into muscle-y people,” you joked, trying to ease some of your own awkwardness. “Why a humanoid form, anyway?“

“I think it’s a pretty good one myself, don’t you?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

You snorted. “Well, yes, of course, and it’s very handsome, too. But your magic could have chosen any number of things…given you wings or extra arms…”

“Wings could have been nice,” he mused. “I don’t know why this is my form. I never really questioned it. I guess my magic just decided this one would be the most useful.” He untangled your fingers to instead cradle your hand in his. Maybe it was some lingering unease from earlier, or perhaps it was that you suddenly felt incredibly inexperienced, but you felt so small and vulnerable right now. And yet his patience and gentleness also made you feel so safe, and that led to wanting more…to see whatever this intimate exploration might become. “Dearest?” You looked up from your hands and into his eyes. “May I touch you?” You felt his other hand slide up your side to stop alongside your breasts.

You bit your lip. “I-If we continue, I-I am going to become…needy,” you admitted.

“‘Needy’ as in ‘aroused,’” he clarified. You glanced down but nodded, embarrassed by your body’s reaction to this, to him. He kissed your forehead. “As I said, I’m feeling a little the same, so as long as you were okay with things only being done by hand…”

“Y-yeah. I’m a-also not ready for actual sex yet, b-but…I want…w-want the…” Words failed you.

His hand slid along the underside of one breast and gently cupped it, making your breath hitch. “The intimacy? The closeness that comes with being seen and touched and loved?” he asked. You nodded. “Then let me give that to you. Teach me. Show me what it is you like.”

You sighed, taking his hand from your chest. You needed to focus, and his touch was making that hard to do. “I-I don’t really know if I can just…tell you what to do. It’s just…I-I didn’t think we’d be having this conversation until way later, a-and you probably could guess this on your own, but…” You lifted his hand to your cheek to nuzzle it. “Safety is a big thing for me. I-in intimate circumstances like this, I’d go as far as to say it’s my kink. If I feel safe, I’ll let you do just about anything to me and I’ll probably love it. I feel safe right now, even if I’m also feeling embarrassed and nervous and shy…I’m safe with you, so I want you to do…whatever it is that you want to do. I know it probably sounds wishy-washy when I say that, like I’m just going along with things, but it’s true. I feel safe, so I want to let you do what you want and see what happens.”

His hand, which had been lax in your grasp, moved to under your chin, gently tilting your head up to look into his face. “I believe I understand. Would you still stop me if I did something you didn’t like?”

“Yes. I know we’re learning each other, and I trust that if I told you to stop or try something different, you would. And honestly, knowing that you would still respect me, even when I let you have permission to try anything…I think that just reinforces the feeling of safety.”

He smiled. “Good. I was a little worried you’d just accept anything I did, even if you didn’t like it. I don’t want to do that to you. Is there anything you absolutely don’t want me to do?”

“I-I don’t think you’d do any of what I don’t like,” you said, fighting the urge to look away.

“Tell me anyway. It’s best I know your limits.”

You took a breath, forcing your shoulders to relax. You hadn’t realized you tensed up again. “I don’t want to be humiliated or degraded. I don’t like derogatory terms, the kinds of things that could be used as an insult. ‘Spark’ or ‘girl’ or other pet-names are fine, just nothing…crass. A-and I don’t ever want to be hit hard, especially my face. It’s too close to…s-something someone would do in anger for me to find it fun.”

His hands had moved to your arms as you talked to rub them comfortingly. “You’re right; I wouldn’t do any of those things. I never want to hurt you, emotionally or physically.”

Your eyes flicked away from his, unsure if you could watch his reaction to what you were about to admit. “Like I said, playful names are okay, a-and not all pain is bad…I-I mean, I like when you nip and bite me, a-and…in the right circumstances…I-I do like being…spanked…”

He paused for a moment, considering that. “Those things aren’t really intended to hurt you. At least, it isn’t my intent to hurt you when I bite you. It’s play. It’s more intense than nuzzling and kissing, but it’s still play. A little sting to make gentle touches all the gentler. And I can see how spanking would be a form of intense play where hitting your face would not be.” He squeezed your hands reassuringly. “But I don’t want to do that tonight, if that’s alright.”

A nervous giggle left you. “No, that’s fine. I-I’m definitely not in the right headspace for spanking.”

He hugged you, lips finding yours. The kiss was hard, passionate, his teeth catching your lower lip and tugging it as you parted. You whimpered softly, feeling the tension that had built up again leave you. “Lay back and get comfortable. I want to explore you properly,” he breathed, his usual tenor pitching down slightly with a soft growl. Oh, if that didn’t do it for you. He watched with a smirk as you hurried to obey, scooting to the center of the bed and laying back against the pillows. “Ah, so you like being told what to do. Would you like it if I took control?” he teased, hands running up your legs.

“Yes,” you whispered, eyes fixed on his. Your legs automatically parted so he could kneel between them.

“Would you like it if I used a little force?” he continued in that seductive tone, leaning over you, one hand pressing down on the center of your chest. He had you pinned beneath him, though the pressure he put on your body was minimal, just enough to convey that he was indeed in control without coming across as hostile, and certainly not enough to hurt you.

“Yes,” you breathed again, letting yourself relax. His flames flared out behind him, still making him seem huge, but now the sight calmed you. ‘In control’ could have multiple implications, and he was in control of himself, so it was safe – and admittedly hot ��� for him to be in control of the situation as well.

“Would you submit to me if I wanted to dominate you?” he growled, leaning further down over you, baring his teeth in a wicked grin.

You tilted your head back to expose your throat, inviting him to use those teeth on you. “Yes,” you answered, never taking your eyes from his.

He pressed a burning but tender kiss to your neck. “Why is that, sweet girl?” he purred against your skin. While his voice was still that deliciously-dangerous rumble, the question was genuine.

“You promised to take care of me. You’re bigger and stronger than me, and you could force me to do things I didn’t want, but you promised not to, and I trust you not to break it,” you answered honestly.

His dominant façade broke, everything about him softening in an instant. “Yes, sweet spark. I’ll always take care of you,” he murmured. He lowered himself carefully onto you, body pressing you down fully. The feeling of his bare chest against yours was fascinating, hot and heavy and solid without being crushing, the little flames between your bodies creating a light, tickling sensation against your skin. He pressed his face into the crook of your neck and you found yourself doing the same, arms wrapping around him. “I love you so much. You mean the world to me.” His breath was delightfully hot as it feathered over the sensitive junction where your neck met your shoulder. He mouthed it softly, teeth touching your skin before leaving it. A low growl rumbled in his chest. “I think I’m still feeling a bit possessive.” He kissed further down your shoulder. “This is where he touched you. I want…I want to mark you, bite you, so I can erase his memory from here and replace it with me...so when you see it and feel it,you will know you are mine.”

You shivered at the roughness in his voice. “You can. I want to be yours,” you murmured, running a hand up his neck and to his head, his flames curling around your fingers as though trying to hold onto them as they passed through.

“You are, little spark, but I don’t want to hurt you. Even if it’s a good hurt like we talked about…”

“Grillby, I want you to. Please. Mark me,” you whispered.

You stilled as his mouth closed over your shoulder, bracing for a bite that never came. Instead, you felt his fiery tongue lave over your skin, literally warming you up, before digging his teeth slightly into you and sucking hard on the caught flesh. You mewled, arching beneath him even as his body kept you trapped. His mouth released you with a kiss so soft you almost couldn’t feel it over the ache of the bruise that was definitely forming. He nuzzled back against your neck with another gentle kiss, lightly rubbing where he had marked you. “I’m afraid that’s the best you’re going to get from me for now, dear spark,” he rasped.

“I-I’m not disappointed,” you breathed, a little dazed.

He laughed as he sat up to run his hands down your sides and up across your stomach to your breasts. A little shiver went through you as he palmed them, squeezing lightly. “So soft…you are so beautiful,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss your chest. His fingers trailed to your nipples, making you squirm with a whine. “Sensitive?” he asked with a smirk that told you he knew exactly what he was doing to you. You didn’t care that he was teasing you, just as long as he kept touching you. You just nodded, knowing you wouldn’t be able to say anything coherent. He circled one nipple lazily with a finger, watching it pebble before closing his fingers over it in a soft pinch, rolling it slowly before releasing it with a little tug. The moan that came out of your mouth caught you both by surprise, and you quickly rolled onto your side (or at least as far as you could with him still kneeling between your legs) to hide your face. “I’m sorry. Was that too much?” All teasing was gone from his voice as he put a hand on your back.

“N-no…er, yes? I-I can’t tell,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest. “I-I don’t…I didn’t think…I-I wasn’t expecting to have that strong of a reaction,” you stammered after a moment.

He huffed softly. “Neither was I. I knew you were going to be responsive, but I didn’t realize it would be so much.” The hand moved to your cheek, coaxing you to look at him. “That’s not a complaint, just so you know, but with how you twisted away, I thought I did something wrong or hurt you.”

“No, i-it felt really good…I guess it’s just been a while since someone’s, well…yeah.”

He smiled, understanding. “Yeah…Are you still okay with this?” You nodded with a soft ‘yes.’ “Is there anything I should do differently?”

“N-no, I think you’re fine. I just need to…not react as much.”

“Oh, please don’t do that,” he said quickly, surprising you. “Not to sound creepy, but the sounds you make are beautiful. To know that you feel so good because of me is…it’s intoxicating. So please, don’t try to be quiet. I want to hear you.”

You searched his face for a moment before nuzzling his palm affectionately. “Okay.”

He smiled, rubbing a thumb across your cheek lovingly. “Will you lay back again for me?” You rolled onto your back again, laying flat under him, arms at your sides. He chuckled at that. “ Relax. You look a little stiff like that, spark,” he said, gently taking your hands. The tiniest gasp escaped you as he lifted them over your head and held them against the pillows. “Now, aren’t you pretty like that…” he purred, grinning down at you.

“Grillby…” you breathed, eyes locked on his.

His smirk softened. “Is this too much?” he asked, his fingers twining with yours.

“Maybe, but…I think I’m okay with it,” you said softly.

He chuckled, leaning down to nuzzle your cheek. “I don’t want you to feel trapped or forced. I want you to know you’re safe and loved,” he murmured into your ear, kissing your cheek.

((needs stuff))

You lifted your hips and tried not to whimper at the feeling of him pulling your pants off. “Everything okay?” he asked, picking up on your unease despite your efforts to hide it.

“Just…feeling exposed,” you whispered, shutting your eyes. “I-I mean, of course I’m exposed, I’m practically naked, b-but somehow i-it’s more th-thanjustphysicalandI’msuddenlyscaredand–”

“Hey, hey, shh-shhh, it’s okay. It’s alright. I’m here. I’m going to keep you safe, remember?” The bed shifted as he spoke and you felt his hand cup your cheek.

“I-I don’t know what changed. I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me –”

“Shh, look at me, sweet spark…Please look at me?” You reluctantly opened your eyes again to see he had moved to sit beside you, probably in an effort to keep you from feeling trapped. You bit your lower lip to keep it from trembling, which he immediately eased back out from between your teeth with his thumb. “There’s nothing wrong with you. We just found a limit, that’s all.”

“B-but I didn’t really have any at the start, a-and now allofasuddenthatchangedandIjustfeellikeI–”

“Hush…That’s okay,” he soothed. “Neither of us really knew what to expect at the start of this, right? So we talked and we teased and we played, but now it’s become a little too much. That’s okay. My only expectation of this was to learn you and let you learn me. I think we’ve made pretty good progress on that, yes?” He poked your side gently, making you giggle, even if it was a little weak. “We can stop for the night if you want.”

“But I…I don’t know if that’s what I want to do. I-I want more, but I’m also…everything is overwhelming me right now…C-could we just…sit for a little bit? L-let me get used to…to being like this with someone again?”

“Of course. Come here, sweet spark,” he cooed, gently pulling you up and into his arms. “We have all the time in the world. You can take as much as you need.” He rubbed small circles on the back of your head with his fingertips as he spoke. It was strange to feel so much of his fire against your skin. It was always shifting, little licks and wisps of it moving against you, which created the false sensation that he was about to move or do something unexpected. You buried your head into his shoulder, your arms crossed to cover your breasts. “You’re so tense, little spark,” he murmured, kissing the top of your head. “Would laying down and cuddling help?”

“I-I don’t…m-maybe? I-I can’t tell.”

“How about we try it and see if it makes you feel better, hm?” You couldn’t tell if it was a genuine suggestion or instead gentle persuasion, but you found yourself nodding. He eased you down and cradled you against himself as his little spoon. His body was so warm and solid and comforting that you couldn’t help but snuggle back into him, making him cuddle you all the closer. “There, all comfy and cozy,” he hummed, the sound reverberating through his chest and into you.

“Wh-why…” you whimpered, breath catching in your throat.

“What’s wrong, sweet girl?”

“Why are you being s-so patient with me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve learned that you do things when you are ready, and not a moment before. Rushing you along would only make you anxious, resistant, and frustrated. Besides, being patient has always given me exactly what I wanted with you.”

“Y-you mean us ultimately doing what you wanted?”

Grillby sighed, and you can imagine him rolling his eyes. “I mean making you feel safe and happy. Seeing you at peace is what I always want most. Sometimes that peace shows itself differently – love-drunk after a make-out session, sleepy when I play with your hair, teary-eyed during the credits of a good movie, laughing loud with your friends – but in all of those moments, you are perfectly, openly, beautifully you. It’s merely a bonus that you become much more willing to try different things when you feel secure. And as much as I want to add ‘blissed-out from pleasure’ to that list, it will be done on your terms, not mine, because you are at your most radiant when you let your walls come down yourself, my bright spark.”

You blushed deeply. “Laying on the flattery a-a little thick, there…”

His lips caught your earlobe and gave it a teasing tug. “Truth isn’t flattery.” The arm around you shifted so he could take one of your hands in his. “Now, let’s just cuddle until you decide what you want to do next,” he continued, giving your hand two soft squeezes.

“You a-already know that I’m going to want to continue, right?” you whispered, squeezing back.

He hummed. “Yes. But the decision is still yours. I would never take that from you. You wouldn’t make me do something I didn’t want to, right? The same is true for you. It will always be true for you.”

You weren’t sure how to respond without sounding like a complete love-struck idiot, so you instead brought his hand to your lips to kiss it. He nuzzled the back of your neck, giving it a light nibble and a soft kiss in return. You snuggled back against him and let your eyes close, feeling him against you, his fiery skin moving gently against your bare back, the weight of his arm around you, the hand that still held yours. “I could fall asleep like this…” you murmured, the nervous tension in you eased by the familiarity of being cuddled like this.

Grillby hummed again, just a hint of amusement in it this time. “You can if you want. We don’t have to do anything else tonight, really.” You felt him kiss the back of your head. “Just knowing that you feel safe and comfortable enough to sleep while I hold you like this is enough for me, little spark.”

((needs stuff))

[pilebunkers]

What are your thoughts on G6 Red? I know he's more of a collectively-imagined OC based on the character due to being pretty minor in the game, but I just can't help loving him for some reason.

How he became a Redgun not only because of his naivete and massive crush on Michigan idealized view of "war heroes", but because he cares for his younger siblings and wants to provide for them. How he is superstitious and believes that the Redguns have a curse. How he seems to become friendly with you despite the fact that you are an independent merc also willing to work for their enemies. The way he was exposed to horrors beyond his green, young mind's comprehension, mentally breaking him in the end, making him terrified and bereaved in his final moments. How his siblings back home stopped hearing from him, likely with no one to provide closure because why would Balam care enough to send someone after that.

My brain is rotted by such a minor character who the writers probably did not put much thought into creating. Just an NPC who serves as a voice describing the mission in some stages. Nothing more.

Anyway, do you have any headcanons or anything?

INBOX ALWAYS OPEN FOR BLORBO R4R (RAMBLE FOR RAMBLE)

My dear anon, I ALWAYS have headcanons.

Firstly, I admit I haven't thought heavily on all of the Redguns. I have the rough outline of a fic where 621 spends a few weeks with them and nothing bad happens I promise, but I haven't developed Red's role beyond "squad leader and kicker of 621's ass (affectionate)" in it. Most of my thoughts come from talking with @/bornetoblood (who is lovely, and you should follow).

That said, I never really saw Red as green myself. Among the gaggle of NCOs that make up the Redguns, he always felt like the most likely to be the squad leader and staff sergeant. He just has that air of responsibility and desire to emulate Michigan to me. He wants leadership and he wants a commission bad. Obviously Michigan and Nile are commissioned officers of some kind, maybe Admiral and Vice Admiral, but I think the day to day operations of the Redguns falls to Red.

I think he also emulates Michigan in more than his command style. Michigan seems to earnestly care for his Redguns and is both more than a little superstitious (I believe lucky G13 started with him) and more than a little attached to them. He even gets attached to you! And so does Red. Enough for both of them to offer you a place in the Redguns because he thinks it's... safer? Better? Because Michigan wants you to have a future and so Red wants you to have a future.

And so despite issues with Iguazu and enabler Volta and Wu Huahai constantly looking for the next rung on the ladder and Michigan and Nile arguing more than organising, he loves every single goddamn one of them. I think he's been with them longer than Iguazu and Volta. I'm reminded of RSM Sandy Young in The Wild Geese:

Sir! With respect, you can stick the money up your arse. That's all I can offer you, sir. I love what I do, I also love these grubby, thickheaded men I trained - you most of all - and I expect to be with them and with you because I'm needed.

In a way he ends up being the most highly principled of all the characters in AC6 and also the most punished for it: by having his hero cut down and being left behind. I imagine him asking himself what Michigan would do, pour himself a stiff drink, and say, "Well fuck. There goes my commission."

And then try to pull the Balam stragglers together anyway. Because Michigan didn't care for Balam but he sure as fuck knew and cared for every single Balam soldier and so Red does too.

And by my headcanon, Michigan's got gen one to make that task easier. Red's doing it with his human brain.

There's something in my head about his selection of mercenaries as both reliable guns but also as potential Redguns... I really wonder about G9 through G12. I know G13 could just be the "holding" number for mercenaries but Iguazu's ire towards 621 implies he's dealt with independents commonly and surely they'd need more than one number for that. But I haven't thought on it too much.

[vykio]

melt and pour into my blorbos

or writerly ephemera but i didn't know if I could steal mari's title - like I could have asked but I didn't lmaooo - OK I did ask and she said I can do the alternative title HAHA <3

Mari @decaflondonfog tagged me here in this tag game!

✨ share some bits little bits of you, easter eggs, memories, etc. you have left scattered in your fics or art. if you fancy it, tag a pal. ✨

📱“I’m not afraid of the word orgasm, dumbass,” he says sharply. He is, admittedly, very nervous about Kevin’s proposition and feelings being bared to him like this. It’s not that he doesn’t feel the same way, he’s just not as good at expressing his feelings. It’d been a problem in previous relationships too. “Don’t you have a catch to flight—flight to cash—catch? Fuck you,” Aaron says, flustered, when Kevin laughs.

I love to like. Roleplay scenes before I write them down and I did this a lot for experts on communication. Aaron's stuttering is something I actually did so I decided he could have it - it worked out well to show how nervous he was!

🍫(There is still an on-and-off argument in the Foxes’ group chat on the worst and best ways to make hot chocolate that is always brought up by Kevin, who prefers milk, and who won’t leave Aaron alone, who is of the opinion that water is easiest.) (The secret third option—water and milk, frothed to delight—is presented by Neil, and when he reminds everyone of that, Aaron does approve of Kevin's belligerent contributions.)

This part of crossing lines, running reds - this is an actual real ARGUMENT that resurfaces in my friend group like every year and I AM Neil and I'm RIGHT !

❤️‍🩹But Jimin, as he tangled a hand in Taehyung’s mussed up hair, and arched his back, wasn’t thinking about the slow drag of his boxers over his hips, or the tantalizing gaze Taehyung fixed upon him.

Over him, above the the noises they both released, Jimin could hear the thoughts that were pushing to the forefront of his mind, past the barriers he put up to keep them at bay. Jimin, as Taehyung sucked him into his mouth, could only think about how this wasn’t enough for him.

Mmm. This whole one was about that period I was in love with my friend. We fooled around and I thought I wanted to be more to them, but they didn't feel the same way and they were honest about it, even though all the signals pointed to yes in my head. That was the saddest part of our friendship, I think, because I hadn't known how to get over it, but we're OK now. :)

☕when he writes, it's as if he is writing a novel. or a short story, more like. with periods, and commas in their proper places. the like a great, famous writer would. jungkook doesn't know any, so he can't compare. so when yoongi speaks, he is reciting it, his short story, narrating, without the fluff, only the most important details to take you away. as if he can only fit everything he has to say in four pages, no more.

'how do you do that?' jungkook asks him once, sitting across him in their favourite cafe downtown (or maybe not their favourite, but the one they visit the most). he's carefully spooning foam out of his cafe mocha, his go-to drink when he isn't sure he really wants to drink or eat anything. the mugs they use here are so huge, he's sure he's not going to finish it.

Oh! Two things about cafe mocha sans foam: 1) I wrote this because I was - and probably still am, in many ways, but different ways from 2016 i think - insecure about my writing. 2) I HATE foam i hate frothed milk the way baristas do it but i always always forgot to ask for lattes without foam LOL so jungkook scooping it out, that was me for real. there was a lot of me in this but I stuck to the first 2 things.

Thanks sooooo much for the tag, mari! If you want to participate, please do! :) @starsandgutters @merceyca @neh2351983 @moondal514 @wyverningx

[thyandrawrites]

20 questions for fic writers

this is very late but thank you @sualne for tagging me! it was a lot of fun

1) how many works do you have on ao3?

currently 48!

2) what's your total ao3 word count?

381,539 spread out across nearly a decade tho

3) what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Butterfly effect 2. You can't trap the sky in a bottle 3. Things change, things stay the same 4. Lingering 5. Red-tailed hawks mate for life All bnha fanfics! mostly dbhwks except for two

4) what fandoms do you write for?

eh, currently none since I haven't yet found a new hyperfixation. But in the past I've mostly written for bnha and tokyo ghoul (on ao3)

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I try my best to answer, yes! I'm terrible at doing so in a timely manner tho (this just reminded me I have some I have yet to reply to, damn). as for why, well, not that long ago I was a reader who was self-conscious about my english and always apologized for it when I found the courage to comment, so... I guess that stuck with me and I want to show my appreciation to the people who find that courage too

6) what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it has to be my MCD hidekane fic ("How to save a life". I know, I know, misleading title). I don't really do MCD or tragic endings so that fic is an outlier

7) what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I... actually have no idea! Pretty much all my fics except the one above have hopeful endings cause I don't like writing stories about pure despair with no resolution. But idk if anything I wrote classifies as a happy ending, per se. I'll have to turn this question back to my readers and let them decide!

8) do you get hate on fics?

thankfully not. I only did once on a tokyo ghoul fanfic but it was clear that person hadn't read a single word and just wanted to hate on the pairing I was writing for. I deleted it without giving it any weight. I got plenty of hate mail for my meta tho if that counts lol

9) do you write smut?

nope. I never felt any interest in it, tho I know it can be a fun way to explore a character or a dynamic, much like any other genre

10) do you write crossovers?

nope

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes. It was a gaara songfic of all things. It wasn't even one of my best stories so idk why someone decided to repost it. Thankfully the mods took it down in a timely manner

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah! I wish they'd given me links so I could link back to their translations, but I have been asked permission to before and it was a huge honor for me! and I know this wasn't part of the question but I have translated fanfics too :') proud to spread the love

13) have you ever cowritten a fic before?

yep! With my cousin, back in our naruto days. It was a crackfic based on real events that we found absurd enough to put our favorite blorbos through for the lolz. It was fun because the concept itself was stupid and I got along well with the other writer, but I found that co-writing isn't really for me. I prefer the creative freedom of working alone better, if that makes sense

14) what's your all time favorite ship?

Good question. I think I have to answer dabihawks here purely because it had a chokehold on me for so long (seven years, jeez. my fixations usually last two). But truth be told, it hasn't had that same pull on me since I don't feel compelled about Hawks anymore. But through these characters I explored so many themes and things about myself that I still feel a bit attached to it. Tho all that's left now is a mix of nostalgia and disappointment for all the loose ends I wish the series had addressed about their respective arcs that make me click on fic updates occasionally

15) what's the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I currently have no wips! The well of my writing creativity has been dry for years now, and I miss it. Painfully so. But idk if it's coming back to me anytime soon. It seems hard right now, what with having no active fandoms I want to read fanfic for, let alone write it, but I guess never say never?

16) what are your writing strengths?

mmh, I wanna say introspections cause that's what draws me to writing in the first place, but idk if other people would agree that's my strength. I have the most fun with that, though. Dissecting the way a character thinks / experiences the world and their relationships is my favorite part of writing so it takes up a big portion of my stories

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. I know I suck at them, and I know I don't include them as much as I should, but I just. hhhhh. I subconsciously zone out when I read them so I guess I tend to avoid them as a writer by extension. I did collabs with artists in the past and one thing that came up frequently was that I didn't describe the setting in a lot of detail, or that I didn't focus on stuff like clothing / appearance. Which can be okay if the scene is static and focuses on emotions, I guess, but it was a problem whenever I had to write fight scenes. I want to get better at it at some point!

18) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

technically I already have since english is not my first language, haha. but as a language nerd I think that could be fun. It's never come up before tho since I haven't written any multiethnic or bilingual character yet

19) first fandom you wrote for?

Technically my very first was Card captor Sakura when I was a middle schooler, lmao. First fic posted, though? Naruto

20) favourite fic you've ever written?

I had to really ponder this because I have recency bias, but I admit my favorite is actually Stitches. It's not my most popular work by a long shot, but it's the one that comes closest to what my original writing style was like! When I shifted to english and ao3, my style changed a lot. It used to be a lot more introspective and full of purple prose, haha. I think I managed to tone down the latter over the years and refine my skill at writing dialogue, and I think Stitches is the work that best shows that growth while still staying true to my beginning :') Other than that, I'm attached to it because of the themes I explored in it, as well as the Touya and Rei dynamic, which is dear to me!

tagging: no pressure to do this! @misssleepless12 if you see this and some of my old writing buddies @linkspooky @starship--phoenix @draphrawrites to wish you all well on your current projects :') Feel free to ignore the tag if you've done it before

[savage-rhi]

I love your writing!!! You've inspired me to work on my own fics but I've been running into a lot of writers block lately, do you have any prompts or challenges that help you write?

Thank you for the pleasure of reading this hon. I think you made my neurons get off their lazy asses and deliver some dopamine. I have two braincells left and they're both fighting for third place, that's where I've been mentally.

Okay, onto helping people and ignoring my own bullshit!

Writers block...phew! It's a bitch! I myself am in one right now and none of my usual tricks are working, but I sincerely hope they help you out of a bind!

Pick a character from your story. Can be the protag, antag, etc. whoever you're vibing with, pick one and work with this prompt: if they had one last meal before they died, what would it be and why?

Seems simple enough, right? I want to assure you it's not. This is a prompt I use if I want to stay awake for days and run on two hours of sleep because I'm that hooked into a character. Also, I recommend this being the first question you ask any human being you meet because the responses will tell you A LOT about them as people, and if you want to fucks with that or hit the bricks.

Make a personality list for your characters. On the left side, write down a single word to describe a behavior or trait of theirs. On the right, you're going to find words that are the opposite of that trait. For example (cause I want an excuse to use a blorbo):

Ardyn Izunia Haughty -- Humble Seductive -- Off-putting Charismatic -- Unmannerly Flamboyant -- Modest Malicious -- Benevolent Cruel -- Merciful Mischief -- Polite

Once you have enough words to sum up your character (make this as long as you want), you can use this as a reference sheet to help stay in character all the while explore new situations with them that they've perhaps never experienced, or what we the audience haven't witnessed them go through. I also use this a lot when it comes to banter and when characters go through deeper emotions. Trait one is Point A, trait two, Point B and then I fill in the blanks on how to make them meet in the middle.

Consume the media that inspires your stories, characters, etc. If that means binging on fanfiction, go for it. Making fanart or looking at it? Yep. Sitting around doing nothing but daydreaming scenes you'll probably never write? Absolutely. Go at it for hours. Days. Months. Weeks. Years. You don't have to pick up or do anything but give mental energy to the thing you love. Even if you're not "active" like you want to be, you're still in the process of creating (at least that's what I keep telling myself when my inner perfectionist "if you're not productive you're bad!" persona comes out).

I have more ticks, but I am out of spoons. I hope these aid you well nonny, and know that I'm cheering you on through your block! We all get them, and it's important to remind ourselves we aren't machines (I fall into this trap all the time). You got this honey.

[weird-dere-writes]

hi twy!!! I wanted to ask a question about you and ichigo if you don’t mind!! what’s the most unexpected sweet thing he has ever done for you?

Kendy, my dearest, hello!! :3

Kissing your cheeks, kissing your nose, kissing your forehead, kissing your hands rn 🥰💋💋💋.

I hope you are doing well this Friday and that you are fulfilled and recharged during the weekend uwu 🫶🏾🩷🩷🩷🩷.

I will never mind being asked questions about my blorbos! Especially Orange Husband, my beloved 🧡.

AUGH the most unexpected sweet thing he’s ever done for me 🥺. I am getting tearful just thinking about it 😪💜💜💜.

Ichigo knows two things about me:

That I can get really in my head about how much I matter to people (especially if I’ve been lonely for a time).

That I am a very sentimental person. (Like I still have birthday cards from when I was a child stored away dawg)

So knowing these things, he conspired to get me these babies ⤵️

Not only are they super cute (how i love sanrio and pastel colors <3), but their purpose is so so special. They are for holding those sentimental papers and moments that remind me I am loved and that I have so much love to give others.

He took me out on a date night. We went somewhere pretty, then somewhere we could get pampered together, and then we went to have dinner :3. When we came back was when I was surprised with them all sitting together on my bookshelf.

He knew I would like the designs on them, and he knew in general I was trying to get more organized so he thought they would be a good gift (he was right uwu). And he had realized only after they'd been shipped that maybe I could use them instead of that chest and that photo storage box I had been using and meaning to put together.

The blue one I decided I would use to store all the old birthday cards, letters, and other things I already have from people I'm related to or I've known in person.

The pink one I decided to use for sweet messages from friends online. Either i print them or write them out and include where to access them digitally uwu. Not only do I use it for messages from others to me, but also for messages I've sent to others and how happy it made me to see it made them happy if/when they responded :)))).

The yellow one is exceedingly precious to me 🥹. This one had him blushing as he asked if I could save that one, just for him. This one he fills alone, with thoughts, love letters, poems, affirmations, pictures he gets developed, or just other little things or small gifts he thinks I would like 🧡🧡🧡. The bottom drawer is where I put the shorter, more casual things. Stuff he loves about me, how good i looked in an outfit on a particular day, letting me know how happy i made him by doing something simple, etc. The pictures also go there. The middle drawer is where the more in depth things like love letters, poems, and the like go. The top drawer is like a little inbox! He puts all the new stuff for me there :3. So when something is there I know I'm in for something lovely from my one and only 🧎🏾‍♀️💓💓💓. And once I go through it i put it in the appropriate drawer or elsewhere if its a small gift.

On that night, after he'd asked to save the yellow one, he let me know there were already a few things waiting for me in it. I melted on the spot. He kissed my forehead before telling me he was going in the other room to give me some time to read them.

The way this man's written word had me absolutely SOBBING to myself 😭😭😭💖. I had to go hug him immediately after reading, still crying.

We cuddled tenderly for the next hour or two. And after, he would make the sweetest love to me. I could feel him pouring his heart into every touch. I was trembling at orgasm, and I once again cried after we were done lol. He was so gentle with me, my word 😪 <33333.

And why it all means even more to me? It wasn't even like our anniversary or anything!! No special holiday, no nothing! It was just a regular night that he decided to shower me with so much intimacy, affection, and care :((((((. He is the love of my life forevermore 💜💜💜💜💜.

Kendy this ask of yours birthed this scenario and it is so close to my heart omg I am actually perishing, thank you for this :c <333333. I am kissing you eternally. If you feel so inclined, because I would like to reciprocate this gift, what’s the most unexpected sweet thing Isshin (or really whatever fave you are feling most) has ever done for you?

💋💋💋

[findingtheperfectcharacter]

Okay, okay, Classpecting mode entered-

So I fucking love how they’re Archetypes- like it’s arguable that if your character plays their version of Sburb as written, they’ll go through a very barebones heroes journey and walk out different but in a very… Cookie Cutter Arc. Anyway, new way of describing Classes dropped into my brain.

Page Arc: I chose Page first because theirs is almost bluntly stated. They’re the underdogs that need to rise up to the challenges the world throws at them.

Heirs: Okay so if Page’s are the Zero To Hero archetype, Heirs are the closer to Superheroes- specifically like… A Peter Parker type. They have all the powers they need from book one, they can use them subconsciously but need to figure out how to actually wield it. (Outside of the direct quest… That’s kinda just John anyway. She’s kinda just walks ass backwards into doing what needs to happen half the time- that’s not a bag on them I just noticed it when they got retcon powers.)

Seer: … Seers are interesting. They’re not active wielders of their aspect, they use what’s already there to their advantage. Like, Terezi doesn’t control others thoughts, she just takes what she does know and uses it to make plans and decisions. Arguably that combined with ‘play the rain’ as Rose’s quest suggests a Seer’s arc is… Learning that what you have is enough and working with it.

Which is hilarious when it comes to my personal Blorbo- Kankri is ignoring the shit out of the arc Sgrub 2 tries to put on him Godbless… I think the most solid versions of this arc are ‘be careful what you wish for’ stories and ‘it’s a wonderful life’ type deals…

Theif: My biggest take is that a thief’s arc is a classic want vs need arc. Like okay, Vriska is a treasure hunter, her planet? Full of treasure to steal all the time forever… I also don’t think the treasure’s worth anything. I don’t think it’s even mentioned. A thief’s planet is abundant yet dull, reminding them that all the stuff seems cool at first but they really need personal connections. Weirdly I think Meenah and Vriska found that out mostly but their personal connections were… Engaging in harassment and bullying.

Anyway we barely know Jack about shit about the other arcs- shit Thief was me making a leap just based on lack of info. But also also I don’t have the current stamina to look at the others rn… Part 2 possible but feel free to make notes

[random-conspiracy]

Blorbos (I guess?)

(Here's the thing, I have 5 minutes before I have to go back to drawing architecture plans. Don't tell anything to the Administrative-High-Secretary part of my mind.)

Time ago I did not have something as a favorite character beyond some guys I liked, but nothing more. Then Tumblr made some silly brainwashing shenanigans (blorbo) and this is the list updated to this exact moment:

Karkat Vantas (Homestuck [As if the clarifications were necessary])

Harry Du Bois (Disco Elysium)

Daniel James Fenton/Danny Phantom (Danny Phantom)

Evelyn Wang (Everything Everywhere All At Once)

The Warden (Superjail)

Perseus Jackson (Percy Jackson & The Olympians)

You can bet your ass I'm completely forgetting someone. I'm pretty sure of that. I constantly have to remind myself of writting down my favorite movies/series/books/music/etc because I'm one disco night of completely forget who the fuck I am.

Everyone of these pieces of shit are crucial puzzle pieces in the way I think of myself and the world. (Ok, that sounds waaaaaaaaaay deeper than it actually is, but whatever).

Karkat Vantas: God damn it. I mean. How not to love him. He's so brave and silly and crazy and mean and full of love for his friends and full of hate for everything. When I think about "putting blorbo in situations" he's the one because is so fucking funny. I want to push him in a washing machine (full cycle) and then give him a party. About fanart, I specially like the ones where he's smiling. After the chaos Homestuck was and even before with Alternia's death traps, I really (REALLY) want him to be happy. And here me out, I'm aromantic so I don't really relate a lot with romantic crushes and stuff BUT that stupid animation of him hate-falling for Egbert broke my heart. The music, the MUSIC!!!. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA. (However, Dave Strider is another cool dude, and seeing them together is the only thing that still makes me want a romantic relationship).

Harry Du Bois: I like to think about Karkat when I need comfort in my life, but the real deal in that place is for Harry. During the game I was so attached to him that when I found out about the hobocop (sleep outside, specially the trash bin thing), I was pretty sure I was going to cry if that happened. Harry is hilarious and I love him. Is a fucking mess and the most sad wet pathetic cat (I don't care about Vriska). I tried to make the best person out of Harry. Be kind, be gentle. Go to sleep and don't abuse drugs, caring for himself and for others. "You can live Harry!" I used to whisper. Now, when I find myself at 3:00 am feeling empty, drinking unhealthy dosis of coffee and energy drinks, without having taken a bath in a week I think of him. And I cry.

Daniel James Fenton/Danny Phantom: This one is slightly creepy. When I was a boy I used to have very non-traumatic thoughts like "what would happen if I died?", "would someone care?". I used to imagine myself as a ghost wandering through my funeral. And OH BOY! You can bet your ass I used to think about Danny too. Not quite dead, not quite alive. And turns out I wasn't the only one! Hahaha. A quick check of the #Corpse AU tag and holy shit. The Phandom is doing horrible things to this kid and I'm here for that. I don't have those thoughts anymore (at least not that recurrently). I like his silliness, and specially, the theme of identity. Have you ever imagined what it must be like to hold your own skull? Visit your own grave? He's the one I make suffer the most (as a way to process my own dark thoughts), hahaha, but as the others, I imagine for him a happy life. (Even if your corpse is rotting in Amity's forest).

Evelyn Wang: Until last year, I did not have a favorite movie either. That changed after 10 minutes of EEAAO. I have watched this movie at least 50 times just in the following 3 months and I cry every time. If I told you about Evelyn, what should I tell you? I love how she's a little of shit at the beggining. And I look through her eyes, wondering "what if?". I'm in my 20's but everything seems so possible. Being an architect, devouring the world, dying in a traffic accident. Everything is happening at the same time and I feel that I'm falling behind. Her journey is finding the empathy that she lacked to embrace her life. Glimpses of other worlds. A buffet of possibilities and choices. Full of inconditional love. You can look at my cover photo: Is Rock Evelyn, and her phrase "There are no rules" will forever be in my heart (and hopefully, in my skin this year). She made me want to live. (Oh my god, I'm about to cry again). And, as a extra. I know the DMS-V ADHD syptoms from memory and watching the movie was like playing bingo. I'm sorry Percy, but EVELYN? Girl, you don't have ADHD. You ARE the ADHD!

The Warden: He may be the one I care the least, in a intimate sense. BUT JESUS CHRIST!!! The energy this goof has is obnoxious. Fire, hell and rainbows. Oh boy! OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!!!! (And the mannerisms god lord. I want to steal his gender)

Percy Jackson: And finally, the first character I had a deep relationship with. I mean, I never was sooooo into him. He made me realize that MAYBE I wasn't what we call "straight" hashahsha. (I feel you Nico). Another goof you may say, but I really like the way the prophecy is handled about him , like the gallow of his own death. I don't have something particular for heroes, but he was a very important part of my life (the books in general) when I was a kid. I used to felt them as a part of myself in a way that I usually slept hugging them. I refused for a long time to read the last chapter of The Last Hero because that would be like throwing the last shovel of dirt in the grave of a childhood friend. Because that's what he's to me.

All these people are idiots, have menatl issues and need a hug. What else can I tell you? Probably before I see the last movie of Spiderverse, The Spot may be here too. But probably more related to The Warden than the others.

I guess you can learn more about what type of guy I am through these characters and my relationship with them. [Thx for reading]. (I'd love to learn about yours too).

(That's it baby! Front view picures! Everyone! Smile for the photo! [They're so done ahshahs])

[diamond-dangeresque]

always by your side

(timeframe: inbetween Icebrood Saga's end and End of Dragons's prologue.) i finally finished the IBS story on my main and wanted to get this out of my system. i also wanted to write this before the inevitable specter of my canthan blorbo throuple strangles the shit out of me. lessgo. ~ title derived from the song of the same name by mellow fox.

Everything hurts. His bones feel weak, weary. Unable to carry the strained, aching muscles stretched over them. His skin feels of a constant fever, hot and clammy and unbearable. His bad leg's pain flares up, a reminder of poor decisions as a brash teenager. And, if the Commander's personal guild's doctor is correct, the nerves in his arms are almost fried to a crisp. Magic will help them recover enough to live a normal life. But lifting anything heavier than a decent-sized machete or knife is out of the question.

Braham isn't sure what hurts worse right now: the physical pain wracking his body, or the emotional pain of never wielding a weapon again.

He sits up, wiping sopor from his eyes (feeling a stinging sensation in his palms and fingertips as he does). His vision begins to clear, his dulled sense of smell picking up the faintest traces of cooking food. Stew, maybe? Cooking in a home cauldron set over a fire within a traditional Norn hearth. His vision clears further. There's simple folding chairs pulled up close to the bed he now sees he's laying in. No covers of any sort anywhere. Makes sense given how hot he's running. But...

His home. This is his home in Cragstead. The bed, the firepit, the furniture, all of this is his. The smells in the air, the familiar voices outside his door. How did he get here? Wasn't he in Anvil Rock?

Braham's head hurts. He can't recall too much of what came before. He only remembers, putting it simply, the immediate past. Waking up buried under several feet of dirt and rocks and snow and ice. The unique and horrifying sensation of having all the will to fight, all the energy in your body, all of your inner flame just...sapped out of you. Snuffed like a candlelight. Even breathing felt like a challenge; a few minutes longer, and being under all that dirt and stone would have probably actually suffocated him. The Commander, the famous Erik Haptem, digging him out with his bare hands in a feverish haze; soft fingers cut and bruised and scratched, reaching for him when the rubble was cleared enough. He remembers grasping that hand. Cold to the touch, not a bad thing at the time, but so gentle and so purposeful.

Braham feels infinitely grateful to have him as...as a lot of things. A good friend. A brother-in-arms. A fellow guildmate. A lover, despite how hard he's tried to push the Commander away before. One of these days, he should try and make up for some of his shitty attitude. Maybe take him somewhere nice. Like that secluded hot spring locale not too far from here.

But not today. Probably not for several todays after this one.

Moving his body is an endeavor. Like whatever his brain is trying to do, Braham's body moves three seconds behind. Attempting to put weight on his legs, even from a sitting position, only gives surges of pain in response. Okay, walking out isn't an option. Even standing will probably just end in failure and injury. Anger bubbles from within his chest. Again he feels so weak. All that work, the planning, the gamble, all to end up here again...tired and injured!!! But the anger is extinguished almost immediately by a rising surge of exhaustion. Whatever the mind wants, the body just can't provide. It feels like all he can seem to do is lie in bed, simmering with frustration and aching pain all over his body, shivering from heat he now seems to wick off like water on a hot iron. Trying to find energy where there isn't. Trying to recover when it feels like he's recovered enough. Yet still needing more. Wanting more. Ugh. UGH.

He raises one of his hands to his face. Looks at his palm. Tries his damnedest to open and close his hand fluidly. Each gripping motion feels like broken glass is breaking out of his finger digits, and every release motion feels like he's pulling his fingers back by force. He tries again and again, hoping maybe the pain lessens each cycle. He lowers his hand, tries to move himself just enough to get himself sitting upright. Better than lying around all day like a log, he figures.

There's sounds of movement outside the front door of his home. Some kind of conversation his hearing can't quite pick up on. It used to feel so much sharper, same with his senses of sight and smell and touch, but now every little noise feels like it's been cranked up louder and harsher. The front door opens. In walks Commander Erik Haptem, hands bandaged and wearing a cloth and leather riding outfit, hood pulled up so as to keep his hair bundled and off to a side. He sits down in a chair closest to Braham's bed, looks him in the eyes. Dark circles under Erik's normally vibrant yellow eyes, tanned skin paling from his own bouts with exhaustion and lack of sunlight. "Morning, hero," he tells Braham, a half-chuckle giving way quickly to a pained groan. Erik braces part of his hip, takes a sharp breath and then pulls himself back up. Almost as if to say that this pain is nothing. "You sleep alright?"

"No," Braham answers, "I feel like shit. How long have I been out?"

"Honestly," Erik begins to answer, doing that thing he does with his slight head-tilt and eye-contact-break, "a couple of days. Fossa ran her slog of diagnostic exams on you. She said your vitals at Anvil Rock were already looking shaky by the time I dug you out. I had you air-evac'd back to the Foothills first chance we had."

Days? Days?? It only feels like he's just woken up. It all felt like seconds to him, and yet... "I... It's weird. I felt sort of fine when you got me out," Braham laments, "standing and everything. What happened?"

Erik tries to flex his fingers, practicing gripping motions. His face winces at the pain, frustration tinged as he keeps trying to move his hands to normal motions. Braham notices. Some small part of him takes comfort in knowing the Commander took as good as he gave in that battle. "The way I had it all explained to me is this: your body had been propped up for a very short while from both adrenaline and leftover draconic energy. But you were, using the good Asuran doctor's own words, 'running on fumes' once Championship was stripped from you. And as soon as the leftover energy dissipated, your adrenaline levels crashed. And when those crashed, well, so did you."

It definitely explains this hollowed, husk-like feeling that sends shivers all through his body. At once feeling like he's still burning hot inside and also ice cold at the extremities. "Where is everyone...?"

"Keeping the explanations short, doing their own things at the moment. Rytlock's plagued with Legion bureaucracy; Blood Legion effectively has no legal Imperator and Ruinbringer's heir-apparent is dead." Braham's look of vindictive satisfaction doesn't slip past Erik. So he continues. "Taimi's gone to finish her dragon energy thesis with Gorrik. Caithe's with Aurene; they're both recovering from...I'm still not even sure what happened to her, really. Most everyone else went home to rest and recover themselves. Fossa's outside being a nuisance when she's not poking you with medical equipment. Briar's outside keeping watch, and also being annoyed by Fossa."

"Watch of what?" Braham asks, finding just enough energy to sound incredulous. That overbearing Not-Norn, watching out? Keeping guard for him??

Erik shrugs, answers, "I honestly have no clue. Almost all of the Destroyers died with Primordus, same with Jormag and most of their army. As far as I'm aware, you should be completely safe where you are. Retaliation is basically non-existent."

"Probably working off of some weird Whispers intel she gets from her handler," Braham grumbles. For as much as Briar Stoneheart frustrates the fur off of Braham's shoulders, he really does respect her integrity and loyalty to the group. And despite any bad blood between them previously...it seems she's finally warmed up to Eir's boy.

"That's pretty much how I treat all her weird decisions these days." Another chuckle from Erik, followed by another pained groan and grasping of the side. Less so this time. "So. Yeah. I have to give it to you: your plan worked beautifully. It got everyone where they needed to be, and it kept a destructive dragon dynamo on-target." A small pause. Erik bites the inside of his lower lip, holding back those last two words: 'Relatively speaking.'

The air feels much more rancid all of a sudden. Erik didn't mean to dig open a fresh wound, but...

Braham can't recall much of anything while he was Champion of Primordus. So much of his mental energy had been dedicated to just keeping that powderkeg of a dragon focused on tailing Jormag and their Icebrood army. There were times where he could barely remember where he was going, or where he was now, or who he was around. At times he began to forget the names of his friends. His family. His own name. The Spirits did their damnedest to keep him anchored to himself, to not be subsumed mentally into Primordus as he was physically. But at the worst of times, it felt so easy to just let his mind drift out of his body, to hang back and behind as the Spirits of the Wild did, watching his own fire-warped body act against what was remaining of his burning and fraying willpower.

His memories of this time are hazy on the best of days. Like a crude outline sketch, no details or features to speak of. Only broad pictures and harsh noises. The screaming of civilians as they fled. The destruction of entire buildings. Destroyers lighting everyone and everything near them on fire. The harsh smells of burnt hay, burnt wood, burnt flesh, burnt fur, burnt everything. What blood stained his hands soon burned up as well. On the rare occasions where he could see his own reflection, it was more frequent than not that Braham couldn't recognize the face staring back at him. Eyes red like burning coal, a snarl across his lips. A beating heart of magma and rage.

He wonders just how many innocents died in Braham's pursuit of the Icebrood and the Frost Legion. He's not sure if he wants that answer right now.

"Braham?" He hears Erik calling to him. Braham snaps out of his internal spiral, looks at the Commander. Erik's eyes are wide. He bites his lower lip. Picks at the back of his left hand with his right, chalk-white lines tipped by red dots. "I... Listen, I didn't... I didn't mean anything with what I said, it was just..." As soon as Braham looks at Erik, the Commander looks away. A red tinge blooms on his cheeks. Probably embarrassment. Also probably bashfulness. Might be both. For a man known to be a smooth talker around even the most despicable of people and being a fine negotiator or diplomat, he was really terrible at getting his feeling straightened out around the Norn. He'd feel flattered if he wasn't so fucking exhausted.

"Comman– ...Erik." Old habits die hard. "It's fine. I get it. I know you meant well. It's just..." Braham winces. His muscles tense and pull. Bones ache and burn. As if, all at once, his body punishes the transgression of memory. He slides back into bed supine, gritting his teeth from the sudden pain, the headache blooming alongside it, the dizziness seeping from his ears. Erik almost stumbles out of his seat standing up. Pulls out a small wand of wood tipped with a yellow crystal and begins waving it around, mumbling something in a language Braham's never heard before.

And then...a cool breeze flows through the room. Any foul air feels cleared out. His muscles relax. His bones calm and cool. Erik continues to mumble, and in Braham's growing clarity he recognizes what it sounds like: a chant. The worries on his mind, the shame and the agony, it all dissipates. As if the weight on his shoulders became leaves blown off to elsewhere. Still there, to be sure, but...lighter. Easier to deal with, is a way to phrase it. Braham lies there, still not sure what just happened. He blinks. Blinks again. Looks at Erik, who's still holding the wand, the chant ended. He's doing that thing again, looking at him for a moment before bashfully looking to another spot in the room. Stashing the wand, then looking back proper at him. Eyes fixated. There's a sparkle in them again that was missing before.

"Wh...what did you just do?" He feels for the magic. It's...vaguely familiar. Kind of in the way that you can see the wolven origin in the eyes of some dogs. Braham sits up. It reminds him of magic from one of the Norn elders. Not harmful, no. Just...just odd.

A bit of silence. And then, "My mother taught me a healing spell. She learned it from a friend of the family. Said I might need to know a 'nice trick' like that one day." A warm smile grows on his face. A small chuckle. The trick paid off, to be sure. "Are you alright?"

He feels...still bad, physically speaking, but less so. There's a bit more energy in this body than there was before. Slightly less hollowed-out. "I'm not in pain. So yeah. Thanks."

The smile grows. "My pleasure."

"...So."

"So."

"You have nothing else to do?"

"Paperwork for the Pact's been done. My textile business still mostly runs itself at this point. I don't have any obligations for the next few weeks, if that's the answer you're fishing for."

"So then..."

"I'm here for you," Erik nods, "however I can be." He holds one of Braham's hands. Feels for those familiar calluses on his fingertips or palms, the telltale signs of an archer or a mace-wielder. Finds them both missing. His hand feels smooth, like he's never done anything with it in his life. Erik wonders if that was Primordus's work, burning away the dead tissue when he had covered Braham's arms in molten stone. It's a nice bit of symbolism, Erik tells himself. A chance for a fresh start. An opportunity to be again, unbeholden by past burdens.

The warmth begins to return to Braham's digits and extremities. It radiates in part from Erik's hand, up the length of his arm, to and through his aching shoulder. Even with smell and sound dulled, with sight and taste on shaky ground, it's touch he's grateful to fully have right now. It feels wonderful to hold Erik's hand, soft to the touch in spite of the calluses and scars along the palm and fingers. And it's in this silence, graced by Erik's presence and comforted by his amateur healing magic, that he thinks.

Yeah, there's a real good chance he won't ever be able to swing or fire a weapon again. Hell, the idea of learning to walk again isn't sounding palpable right now. But...but holy shit, the things he's done. He's slain an Elder Dragon. He killed Jormag by manipulating their twin brother! He fought a dragon champion to a standstill with his own flaming fists!! He's built a legend the Norn will sing tales about for decades, if not centuries!!!

(He's built, he thinks, a legend his mother could be proud of.)

So what if he can never fight again? He's done more fighting in these last six-ish years than some Norn will ever experience their whole lives. This would be a good place to stop, right? A well-worn hero, slayer of Jormag, living at his homestead with his beloved by his side. This is a retirement most anyone would be okay with.

So why doesn't he feel okay with it?

He slumps, half-slid back into the bed. Even with the spell, he still feels the need to rest. But now it doesn't seem so bothersome to do so. "That stew over on the fire ready yet?"

Erik's smile grows into a grin. "About an hour more, unless you're okay with slightly-raw venison."

"Heh. What's one more hour, right?" Braham feels himself relax. There's still, deep down, an uneasy feeling of inadequacy, a desire to still do more in spite of what he's already done. He squeezes Erik's hand, and Erik squeezes back. It felt odd relying on someone so heavily like this.

But it'll get better.

It has to get better. He's already slammed himself headfirst into rock bottom. Only way left is up, right?

[thatswhatsushesaid]

rote anon again! i just wanted to talk a bit about the books so far ❤️

right now my favorite characters are verity, kettricken, burrich, and patience (which as a lxc, wq, jc, and jyl fan... can't say i could really expect anything different haha)!

i love verity and kettricken, they're amazing individually but together they just... shine. the kind and wise king (in waiting, technically, but he's the true king in mine and fitz's hearts) and the fierce and noble queen (again... she's the true queen and girlboss)!! they're so beautiful together, i was so happy when they finally talked and worked things out between them 🥲 my blorbos are in love your honor!!!

burrich the tragic bisexual icon. my god. i wish he could just be happy but i fear he's doomed to pine hopelessly for the rest of his life. it's just the kind of person he is... my boy. i want to wrap him in blankets and feed him a cinnamon roll and a black coffee. old man (late middle age, but you know what i mean) blorbos can be so compelling actually

lady patience!!! i was really scared when she first showed up because it's a classic trope, the wife of the bastard's father being resentful and awful towards the kid (madam jin anyone?) but she was so lovely and kind. she truly cared for fitz, she was 100 percent on his side and so supportive and sweet to him. i love how autistic she is about her plants it's really charming! she reminds me of my favorite aunt and i am so fond of her. i want to write fic about her and chivalry falling in love. augh

molly!! molly molly molly... an incredible example of womanly virtue. and i don't mean that in a weird "divine feminine" or tradwife way or anything, it's just... she's a real one, you know? she's fierce and strong and independent and proud and also tender and loving and loyal and responsible and patient and so so amazing. fitz really fucked up when he fumbled her imo. she deserves the best and i hope she gets it!! <3

all the characters, male and female, are incredibly written, as are the relationships between them. robin hobb obviously put tons of care and thought and passion into the characters and the world and how everyone and everything interacts. i can't wait to read the rest of her books!

i never expected to get so invested in a random (and a little bit niche as i understand it?) series that started almost 30 years ago, but i'm really glad i did!! thank you so so so much for putting it on my radar, i'm eternally grateful. i feel like i owe you a life debt or something. i'm going to recommend this to everyone i know and everyone i don't. i'm going to shout it to the world. this series has changed me irrevocably and i'm only two and a bit books in. thank you.

anon, you are REALLY going through it, this is THE quintessential realm of the elderlings experience!!! also re: lady patience oooooh just you wait, if you think you love her now, you're going to love her even more as the story progresses. also i have many, many additional (and complimentary!!) thoughts about molly and how the very best thing she ever did for herself was Move On From Fitz, which is why [redacted spiel about the last trilogy, i will withhold all my thoughts on this subject for now]

please do keep me posted on your read of the series, i'm very keen to hear more!

[northwest-cryptid]

why do you have so many haters

Because I yap, honestly.

I say a lot of shit, speak my mind on things; sometimes it's because I think those things matter. Regardless, whenever you talk about anything passionately and you actually take a side in what's being said; you're going to end up with two kinds of people. You're going to have people who agree with you, or who understand what you're saying. Typically these people become your followers or potentially mutuals. I'm not saying that I do it because of this, but this is an inevitable byproduct. However the other kind of person are the people who disagree with you.

Now in an ideal world people who disagree with me could actually explain why they do so, what about what I said may be wrong; maybe even teach me something or show me where I'm lacking information. Then if there is a real error in my words I may correct it going forward and be better educated about the things I actually think matter.

However we sadly do not live in this ideal world, so the people who think I am wrong, or who disagree with me, or who believe I'm a morally bad person for whatever reason (reasons I will not know because they do not tell me). Tend to take more to writing things like how I should kill myself, or that I'm a waste of oxygen, or asking me if I'm autistic (which I am so that's funny).

If you speak up, and you say your thoughts plainly without any kind of filter someone is going to notice when those thoughts pertain to something they are personally invested in. If I say "there's a boycott on Limbus Company and I'm still doing it because the company has yet to correct their sexist behavior and treatment of employees." I will inevitably get a good 5 - 6 inbox anons saying how "some people are too invested in these characters, I'm attached to my blorbo and you are trying to manipulate me by reminding me that there's a boycott that I'm not participating in." I know that sounds like one of those exaggerations where you think "no one ACTUALLY talks like that right?" But no this is a normal occurrence for me. Though to be honest, they almost NEVER include that much context. Typically it's just enough to know roughly which post brought them to me. Like someone might only get out the words "you don't have to be such a dick about the boycott, not all of us can afford to do that!" Which may be prefaced or concluded with some form of "fuck you" "kys" "you were a mistake" though typically the core messages if there is any, seemed to be curtained between both a preface and conclusion of sorts.

I normally get messages regarding Genshin Impact, though sometimes it's just racism towards being Native and speaking up about it.

I have also gotten hate when I had to make a post about needing help with the bills. Which was cool because the part they didn't like was that I mentioned I wasn't going to use buzz words. Apparently that's ableist and bigoted they failed to explain why or how of course. But you know why I included that? Because honestly, I feel like people more or less don't need to be guilted into helping you and it REALLY does feel more like guilt than trying to give me a reason. If you have to open a donations post with "hey I'm a PoC, Queer, [Literally any pronouns]," before you get to the part that matters, which is normally like you know; you losing your housing situation, or not being able to afford to eat; it's just a little off putting. Like don't get me wrong, I too am a queer PoC with literally any pronouns (that's a little enbie joke because it's 6 AM and I'm too high right now.) Like all I was saying is, if you're going to donate to help someone out, it's probably because you genuinely want to help another human being, be it for mutual aid reasons or just charity. I don't donate money to someone's cause just because they're a specific combination of buzzwords that I have sympathy for or something. I donate to people because they're going to lose their house, or they can't eat, or they're in need of some kind of financial help and I've been there before. You don't need to tell me more than that, if you want to give me a reason like "I'm disabled and I don't get disability yet, but I literally cannot work a job." That makes enough sense to me sure, but shouldn't that go after the whole "hey I'm losing my house because I can't pay the bills" thing?! It's not like this is just one or two posts, it's literally every time people need money. I understand it's trying to earn sympathy with specific groups, if you're queer and I'm queer we already have something in common, you're helping a fellow queer. Side note: I hope that word isn't offending anyone, been seeing that going around now that some people want to stop using the word queer or something. Please do understand that's the word I've been using for years and that I've basically been told is the most inclusive way to say it, so I don't mean any ill intentions.

Regardless, this actually serves as a great example, there now exist 2 things within this last paragraph that someone may take offense to; and the track record has been that rather than educate me on the problem they see me making; they'd rather just tell me I'm stupid, some kind of phobic, or just tell me to end my life.

Hell I've even been told it's manipulative and abusive to put "the responsibility of educating you" on someone else. So apparently if I ask someone to please educate me on an important matter, whether it's a term/acronym, or something I don't have all the facts for. I'm in the wrong enough to get hate over it. I have a lot of drafts that were just kind of venting about the hate but I made sure to you know, save them to drafts because I find that if I post about getting hate I typically get more hate, go figure people like to dogpile.

I literally got an ask once, I'm pretty sure it was just a joke but I didn't care for it, when I had spoken out about getting a lot of hate instead of people actually you know, explaining the problem to me. I literally got a message that just said "Fuck you, I don't know why yet but I heard we're all hating on you this week." Which felt like it was too comical to be a genuine attempt at hate so I just kind of deleted it and moved on because I'm honestly so done with hate at this point.

Being opinionated online, no matter what your opinion is; will always stir up to kinds of people. That's the nature of taking a side, suddenly you become the "them" to someone else's "us vs them" and you become a larger target when you speak up a lot, on a lot of posts, about a lot of things; and some of those posts get really popular.