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gojorgeous · 1 year ago

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"MINE, MINE, MINE."

pairing: alpha!geto x omega!fem!reader summary: your doctor won’t refill your prescription until you’ve reset your cycle. you’re desperate for that refill, but geto’s not having it. content: MDNI (18+ ONLY), a/b/o dynamics, nsfw, dubcon? (reader doesn’t want a heat but it’s medically necessary (LMAO what)), established relationship, unprotected sex, breeding, praise, pet names, knotting, slight manipulation, dacryphilia, somnophilia, spit, blood, oral (fem!receiving), so much licking and smelling?, geto and reader are just downright feral LMAO, lmk if i missed anything. a/n: have y’all figured out that i have a breeding kink yet… anyway, this is the first a/b/o fic that i’ve ever written but i just read one and was feeling *inspired*. if people want i might do a prequel sort of thing for this that goes more in-depth about how they met and stuff. lmk! also, i have a vampire gojo fic planned hehe get ready bbs. if you want more of my omegaverse fics check out my alpha!gojo fic here! and remember, AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED! divider credit to: @cafekitsune wc: 5.2k

“No.”

No? You shift in your seat, cold and plastic, sure you must have heard him wrong.

“I’m sorry?” you ask. You press your tongue to the roof of your mouth, an anxious habit.

“I can’t refill the prescription. I’m sorry, but, frankly, it would be completely irresponsible of me to do so. I’m shocked your previous physician prescribed them for so long.” Fingers find yours and twine them together. Your eyes flash to Geto, but he’s only staring at your new doctor, staring with that furrow in his brow he only gets when he’s worried.

Your new, soon-to-be old, doctor sighs again, running a hand through his thinning white hair. “You need to have a heat as soon as possible, allow your body to recalibrate. Indefinite use of suppressants is dangerous and unhealthy. They are meant to manage your cycles, not stop them altogether.”

Sweat beads on your palms. He can’t be serious. But it’s his first opinion. Surely there’s another option.

“I-I’m sorry, doctor. I don’t think I’m understanding.”

Another glance at Geto reveals that he’s frowning now. When his eyes find yours you see the decision there, one he’s already made without you. Your stomach drops.

The doctor sighs and suddenly the walls of the office feel small, tight, suffocating. The twinge of alcohol and chemicals in the air makes your nose scrunch. “Let me say this clearly. I will not refill your prescription for suppressants, nor will any other reputable physician. You have been taking them continuously for far too long. You risk permanent damage should you delay a proper cycle any longer.” The doctor glances to Geto, then back to you. “Go home with your alpha and allow nature to take its course. It’s what’s best.”

Your eyes widen with realization– you are not leaving this office with what you came for. Your heart pounds and your palms sweat. “Th-that can’t happen, doctor. I need my suppressants. My job- I can’t be out that long a-and Geto can’t either, we–”

“We will go home,” Geto interrupts, and his tone is final. “Thank you, doctor, for the advice.”

Geto pulls you to your feet, gently but firmly. He leaves no question about the fact that you’re leaving. You can feel the intensity radiating off him in waves. You ignore it. You turn to your new doctor, silently smiting him. Why did your old one have to retire?

“Doctor, you don’t underst–”

“Thank you again,” Geto interrupts.

Before you can make another sound, another protest, Geto pulls you through the door, out of the office, and back to the car. He opens the door for you, as he always does, except this time you’re not so eager to accept his chivalry.

“Suguru,” you bite out. His eyes meet yours, but they are surprisingly gentle. So calm. How is he always calm?

“Just get in, baby. We’ll talk about it in the car.”

You debate saying no, but you can’t bring yourself to start a fight when he’s being so good. You grumble when you climb in, buckling your seatbelt before Geto can do it for you.

The engine revs to life, but you hardly notice. You’re already scrolling your phone, the search bar reading a simple and straightforward “doctors offices near me”. You scroll right past the first ten, for once in your life wanting a doctor that’s a little sketchy. You scroll further– still not sketchy enough. Someone who’ll give you the prescription you need, even if it’s not necessarily… ethical. Or maybe you could get some on the street? Surely there was some kind of dealing ring for that. There was a dealing ring for everything, right?

“What are you doing?” His voice is soft, but his fingers are tight around the steering wheel, skin stretched tight across his knuckles.

You lift your phone to your ear, dialing the first office that looked relatively shitty enough. “Getting a second opinion,” you answer.

Suguru plucks the phone so swiftly from your fingers that you hardly even notice it’s gone. You see him end the call and slip it into his back pocket, out of your reach.

“Hey!” You scramble across the center console, hopelessly grabbing at your lost phone, your last hope.

Suguru grabs your wrist, restraining you far too easily for your liking. “You’re not getting it back,” he says. His eyes never leave the road.

Your brows pinch and anger boils in your stomach. “This is not for you to decide. It’s my body.”

He glances at you, unconcerned. Still calm. “And you’re not in a headspace to be making a responsible decision about it, so I’m making it for you.”

Your jaw drops and you pry your wrist free of his grasp. You escape, but you know it’s only because he allows it. “I am of perfectly sound mind, thank you.”

He shakes his head and sighs. “You’re blinded by desperation.”

“It’s still not for you to decide!” When you don’t notice any change in his expression, you switch tactics– from anger to honesty. You let your face fall, let your true feelings creep through. “You know how much I hate it, Su.”

Finally, he cracks. It’s instantaneous, the way he melts for you- the way the soft smile finds his lips and his hand finds yours, twining your fingers together. “I know, but you have to, baby. You heard the doctor.”

You clench your jaw and avoid the sting of tears behind your eyes. You had heard the doctor, but you weren’t ready. Maybe next month, when you’d had more time to mentally prepare.

Your skin crawled. You hated it, hated this. You hadn’t had a heat in years, avoiding them like the plague. You hated how vulnerable they made you, how they put you at the mercy of another. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Suguru– you did. You trusted him more than anyone, anything, but you still hated the feeling of being so completely helpless, so completely out of control, even if it was Suguru you were submitting to.

For most of your life, you’d successfully hidden your omega status. With the help of suppressants, you’d passed as a beta until your early twenties. Then you met Geto.

You’d met at work. He was cute, beautiful even, you’d thought, but he screamed alpha– and alphas could be dangerous, especially for hiding, unclaimed omegas like you. You’d stayed away as long as you could and, for a while, you were quite successful. You avoided him in the halls, sat at the opposite end of the table in meetings, replied to emails succinctly but politely. All was well until you’d been trapped in an elevator with him one morning, biting your lip anxiously as you waited to reach the twelfth floor. He’d smelled so good that day, perhaps due to an oncoming rut. You hadn’t been able to resist inching closer, taking deeper breaths. Suguru would later tell you that he’d suspected your hidden status, but he had no reason to question you. At least, not until he had you up against the elevator wall with his face buried in your neck. One deep whiff was all he’d needed to know exactly what you were, even with suppressants in your system.

You’d dated for a little over a year, until you’d decided he was the one. Your fingers dust over the mate mark on your throat, the one that had not only made you undoubtedly Suguru’s, but also the one that had revealed to the world exactly what you were. There was no hiding your true identity with an alpha’s scarred mark on your neck.

Suguru had never seen you through a heat– no one had. You’d taken your suppressants daily, ever since you met him and even long before that. He’d claimed you on a day like any other, no heat necessary. He hadn’t had a rut in all these years, either. When he felt one coming on all he had to do was pop a single pill and all was well– apparently with none of the nasty side effects that came along with your suppressants. Another unfair privilege of being an alpha you supposed.

“Sugu, I can’t do this.” Your lip is raw from how much you’ve been chewing on it by the time you reach home.

Suguru softly shuts the door behind you, lifting your twined hands to his lips, gently kissing your knuckles.

“Yes you can. I know you can.”

You shake your head. He doesn’t understand– doesn’t know what this will do to you, how it will break you. While you hadn’t had a heat in years, you had experienced them before. You loathed them more than anything, loathed the way your mind was a slave to your body and not the other way around, loathed the way your whole body pulsed and throbbed, loathed the way it made you feel so… weak. “I can’t. It’s-it’s-” Your hands come up to cover your face. You sigh and feel the blush crawling beneath your cheeks. “It’s embarrassing. Humiliating.”

There’s silence for a moment, and then a soft sight. Suguru pries your hands from your face gently. When you meet his eyes, he’s all business.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, baby.”

You shake your head and pull away, pacing. “I don’t want anyone to see me like that, Sugu. Not even you.”

Strong hands catch your waist, holding you still. “It’s not a question. It’s happening– for the sake of your health.”

You scoff and shake your head. “It’s not–”

His thumb presses to your lips with just enough pressure to demand silence. The omega in you coos to listen, to submit– the other part of you reels with annoyance.

“End of discussion.”

He’s closer now and you can feel waves of his breath skating across your skin. It’s like a drug, one that the primal side of you can never get enough of. Give in, give in, give in, your omega begs. Listen to your alpha… You try not to focus on the fact that he smells good enough to eat. You know what he’s doing– using his dynamic to persuade you, to make you see his way, playing to the omega you can usually hide so carefully.

“Sugu…” you say. You intend to be angry but you trail off when his eyes catch yours.

“I got you, baby.”

Your heart melts at the words. He waits. Maybe he knows that the smell of his skin on yours is playing tricks on your mind. You wage a battle within. Every instinct urges you to agree and with every passing second it becomes harder to disagree. Perhaps he’s right, perhaps it's time you give in for once. Let him take care of you, your omega purrs. You’re nodding before you realize what you’ve done.

Suguru kisses you quickly, allowing no time for takebacks. When he pulls away he gets to work. He whips his phone from his pocket and you listen to him talking to his boss, your boss, saying that you’ll both be out of work for a week on “family” leave. Your face heats when you realize that your boss now knows exactly what you two are going to be doing for the foreseeable future. Suguru kisses you one last time before he’s out the door, off to get enough food and supplies to last a week. You won’t be leaving your apartment for some time. You don't fail to notice that he doesn’t return your phone before he’s gone.

You don’t notice a difference, even after the sun is gone. It’s not surprising, considering you usually take your suppressants at night– it’ll take a little while longer for them to fully exit your system… you hope. When you’re brushing your teeth you stare at the empty prescription bottle longingly.

You join Suguru in bed. The moment you crawl onto the mattress he pulls you closer into his bare chest. You savor the way your bodies fit so perfectly- like he was meant for you and you alone. His front curls around your back, a leg slotted between your thighs.

“Feel anything?” he asks.

You shake your head to hide your swallow. You almost shiver when Suguru buries himself in your neck, inhaling your scent. You feel him harden against your backside. He must be able to smell your approaching heat even before you can. Part of you expects instinct to take hold of him, for him to make a move, but he only presses a kiss to your jaw and holds you tighter.

“Sleep, baby.”

For once, you follow orders without a fight.

–

Hot. Too hot.

When your eyes flutter open, you feel the pounding of your heart, the labor of your breath, and the growing ache between your legs.

You sit up so fast you see stars, panic flooding your veins. No, no, no, no, no. This was wrong, you’d made the wrong choice. You couldn’t do this. Already, you could feel control slipping from your grasp, your consciousness giving way to something more primal, more feral. You scramble, preparing to stand, to find your phone, to lock yourself away and suffer through this on your own.

“Deep breaths, baby.”

Only then do you realize Suguru is already awake. He’s behind you, hands on your shoulders, both a comfort and a restraint.

“Can’t-” Your breaths are ragged and so are your words. “Can’t do this, Sugu-”

“Yes, you can.” He whispers. He pulls you closer, tighter against him. “You will.”

You shake your head frantically, tears pooling on your lashes. When you turn, Suguru is staring at your neck, at the mate mark on your throbbing pulse. His jaw is clenched when his tongue darts out to wet his lips. He’s restraining himself, you realize. A glance down reveals he’s already painfully hard in his pants. You wonder how long he’s been sitting there, taking in your scent, waiting for you to wake. No doubt his rut has already been triggered.

His eyes raise to yours and he pauses at the tears that leak down your cheeks. He leans closer, and the scent emanating from his neck makes you groan against your will. His kisses away the tears. Slowly, one at a time.

“I’ve got you, baby,” he whispers. “I’ve got you.”

Your body pulls him closer, even as your mind pushes back. “My phone, Sugu,” you panic. “Gotta gimme my phone. C-call a new doctor.”

He shakes his head and when you start to squirm he only holds you tighter, holds you in place.

“No, baby.”

You whimper, seeking the scent gland on his neck against your will. The smell makes your clit throb almost painfully.

“Sugu, please,” you cry. Tears stream from your eyes, staining your lover’s skin.

“‘S gonna be okay. Just let it happen. Don’t fight it, love.”

With each passing moment, you feel your fight slipping further and further away. Suguru rubs at the muscles in your back until you’re slumped against him, pitifully moaning like a wounded animal. It’s not long before your body takes the reins, until you start desperately humping at his thigh, your clit throbbing almost painfully.

“That’s it. Good girl.”

Your eyes roll back at the praise and when Suguru grips your waist you cry out at the touch. Everywhere his skin meets yours feels electric. You’re burning, burning, burning. It’s not until Suguru lays you down on your back that you see the sopping patch of slick you’ve left on his thigh. You whimper at the sight.

“‘S okay, baby. ‘Ve got you.”

Suguru is looking nearly as lost to the lust as you are. Only his willpower and intent keep him from shredding away your panties and breeding your cunt full that very second. He’s never been in the presence of a scent so intoxicating. He’s never been with you, or any omega, through a heat. He thought you smelled amazing before, but now… He is lost to you, lost to the heat he feels emanating from every inch of your skin, to the honeyed scent pouring from your neck, to the slick he sees staining through your panties. His dick twitches in his pants.

“Love you so much, baby. Gonna take such good care of ya,” he whispers. Instinct drives him forward until he’s plastered his lips to your jaw, licking and biting at the skin. You nearly scream at the sensation. You feel his touch everywhere, all at once. With your last coherent thoughts you know that this heat will be unlike any other you’ve ever experienced. It’s already so intense you can hardly think, and you’ve only just begun.

“Sugu,” you plead.

The sound of his name on your lips breaks him. His hand dips across your stomach, thumbing past the edge of your panties until he’s running his finger through your slit, gathering your slick and rubbing it against your clit.

You scream and thrash, so sensitive it nearly hurts, but he only moves to pin you beneath him, forcing you to take everything he gives.

“Gonna make you feel ‘s good, baby.” he hums. He’s lost to you, to your desires, to your needs. Every piece of him screams to please you, to take care of you, in every way possible.

He continues his messy circles on your clit and until you’re gasping, hole clenching around nothing, begging to be filled.

“S-Sugu…” you whine.

The growl that rips from his throat has you arching your back and bearing your throat in an act of submission. You hear a tear and watch your panties hit the floor. Your shirt follows and then you’re completely bare beneath your alpha. His eyes go black at the sight, pupils blown so wide you can hardly see a smidgen of their usual brown. There’s a deep rumble in his chest that has you keening and reaching for him, needing him. He doesn’t waste time. His tongue finds your neck, laving sloppily at your scent gland and the sensation is so delicious that you writhe beneath him.

His fingers slide down your stomach, dipping between your thighs and rubbing at your clit. The touch is somehow gentle despite the complete and total hunger in his eyes, but it has you whining nonetheless. Every place he touches you, which is nearly everywhere, stings so delightfully that your eyes are already rolling back.

But you can’t wait. You can’t. Your body is starved, rabid, and you know what you need.

“Ssssugu… please…” your words are hardly above a whisper, barely a breath, but your alpha still hears you, still knows what you want, what you need.

“I got you, baby… shhhhh…” He gives a final lick to your scent gland before he’s leaning back on his knees, parting your thighs wide, exposing your leaking cunt. You can feel a puddle of slick beneath your ass, your hole clenching desperately around nothing, aching to be filled.

Warm hands slide up your skin and settle on your hips, tugging you a little further down the bed. You whimper, but don’t have time to say anything before you feel him slipping through your folds. A glance down reveals his weeping tip, achingly flushed, bumping and rubbing against your clit. When did his pants come off? You don’t know, you don’t care, all that matters is that the sight steals your breath away.

“Gonna knot you good, princess.”

You nod, wanting nothing more than for him to make good on his promise. You claw and grip at his arms, chanting his name endlessly. His chest rumbles again and your thighs part further on instinct. Finally, he gives you what you want. You feel him pressing in, fat tip stretching you wide. One of his hands moves to press down on your tummy and the combination has tears pooling in your eyes.

He slides in slowly. With every inch you think he must be done, that you can’t take any more. But you can, and you do. When he’s finally fully in your jaw is hanging open in ecstasy and your eyes are rolled back in your skull. His fingers brush your clit and your hips jerk.

“That’s it. So good, baby. So fucking good.”

Your tears flood over, racing down your cheeks. He’s over you again, loose strands of black hair brushing your skin and forcing a whimper from your throat. He licks away your tears, lapping at your cheeks like you’re a fucking lollipop. His hips start thrusting in time with his licks, and it’s more than you can handle. Your thighs tremble and suddenly you’re begging. Pleading, whining, screaming for more. He gives it to you. One hand finds yours, twining your fingers together as he pounds into you so hard he’s rattling your skull. He’s licking at your scent gland again, driving you further and further toward a cliff you’re afraid to fall from. You think this orgasm might shatter you, might break you so thoroughly you’ll never be put back together again. You can feel it tightening at your core with each thrust, each lick, each kiss.

“Fuck,” you hear him growl and whimper at the sound of his voice so close to your ear. “‘M gonna bite you, princess. Gonna mark you up and knot you so good you’ll see fucking stars.” You pant beneath him, unable to word how excited you are by his words, how deliciously they roll across your skin and seep into your spine. “Tell me you didn’t take your pill, baby. Tell me I can breed this pussy full and it won’t go to waste.” He’s not talking about your suppressants you know, but rather the contraceptives you take in tandem with them. Of course you took it, but suddenly something makes you wish you hadn't. “‘M gonna flush ‘em down the fucking toilet. Never letting you take that shit again.”

The primal part of you surges forward at the idea. It chants deep in your mind. Yes, yes, yes…

“Suguuu… please…” It seems like those are the only words your tongue can form.

His lips press to yours, shushing you. “Shhh, baby. Don’ worry. I got you.” He licks across your cheek and down across your jaw until he finds your scent gland again. His thrusts pick up again and you think you might pass out from how good you feel, from how tight your muscles are coiling. You can feel his knot pulsing inside you, preparing to fill you to the brim. You’ve never felt more ready for anything.

“Sugu–”

And it’s at that moment that he makes good on his promise. His teeth sink into your neck and you feel your bond snap taut like a string, pulsing with the closeness of your connection. It’s pure ecstasy. Suguru’s knot swells, notching tightly inside you and when you feel his cum pulsing into your womb it’s all too much. You think you must be screaming from the pleasure but you only hear the ringing in your ears as your orgasm washes over you. Your muscles clench, your toes curl, your back arches, you see those stars Suguru promised. Heat tingles through your limbs and down your spine and you think you’ve probably just melted into the mattress. But you haven’t, and when your vision returns, you’re panting and staring at the ceiling.

Suguru is above you and you can feel him still cumming, still releasing rope after rope of thick, hot cum into you. The sensation makes you groan and he laps at your neck, cleaning up the blood from the new mark he’s just given you. Your consciousness trickles back in, the primal piece of you partially sated for the time being. You remember the context of your situation, why you’re here and not at work, what you’re doing. You’re puzzled by why you’d been so panicked by the idea of a heat before. How could you have been so reluctant, so scared, when nothing has ever felt this right?

Suguru is peppering you with kisses now, pulling you tight to his chest and rolling you both onto your sides where you’ll stay until his knot softens.

“Sleep, princess,” he says and he uses that tone that always compels you to listen, to please. You happily do as he says and when your eyes drift shut it’s not long before you’re lost to a world of comfortable darkness.

You wake to the throbbing again. All of the pent up need Suguru had sated has returned with a vengeance. You need him again, but it appears he already knows that.

You feel him between your legs, his hair fully loose now and tickling the insides of your thighs. He’s eating you out, slurping up the cum that’s leaking down your thighs and spitting it back onto your cunt. It’s filthy, disgusting, and you love it.

“Sugu–” you gasp and your hips buck. His eyes lock with yours and the smile he gives you nearly makes you come on the spot. He holds your gaze as he licks one last long stripe over your folds. You whimper and clench around nothing. Empty, empty, empty…

“Sorry, baby,” he whispers against your skin. He’s kissing his way up your body now, leaving little circles of spit that cool when they touch the air and make you shiver. “‘Y smelled so good…”

You whine and whimper, clawing at his back and leaving scratches you think might draw blood. You’re too worried about getting him inside of you to check.

You’re gasping like you’ve never had a breath of air in your life, like you’ve drowned and every touch he gives you fills your lungs with much-needed oxygen. His hands rub gently at your waist, but it’s not enough. You want him to wreck you, ruin you. You say as much.

“M-more…” you beg and when he hums against your neck you squirm desperately. Warm hands dig into your flesh and suddenly you find yourself flipped onto your stomach. You feel Suguru behind you, pushing your thighs apart with his knees. His hands find your hips again and lift, propping you up with your face still pressed to the pillows. When you whimper he runs a soothing hand up and down your spine.

“‘S okay, baby. Relax. Lemme take care ‘ve you.”

Yes, yes, yes, you think. You don’t think you’ve ever wanted anything more. His fingers dig into your skin, holding you still when he feeds his dick into you, one inch at a time. You cry out, tearing at the sheets and begging for more, even when you already feel like you’re splitting in half. When he’s finally seated inside you he drapes himself over your back, brushing your hair over one shoulder to expose your neck. He leans in to lick you again, thrusting sharply the moment his tongue brushes your skin. You wail, pressing your face to the sheets and attempting to rock yourself back against him. One of his hands smooths over the flesh of your ass as he sets a pace, one that makes you bite down on a pillow to muffle your screams.

“No.” Suguru uses that tone that makes you listen, that one that calls instinctively to the omega inside you, that urges you to please. He reaches for your pillow, tossing it aside and letting his hand curl around your throat as he continues to fuck you, letting his fingers feel the vibrations of every noise you make. “Let me hear you, baby. Always let me hear you.”

You nod, eager to make him happy, eager to do as he says. You don’t dare restrain a single sound, eyes rolling back. The angle he has you at has your thighs trembling. He’s so deep, so close. You feel his heartbeat against your back, feel his tongue on your skin, his hand on your throat, his cock at your cervix.

When he groans, you groan with him, feeling his dick pulse inside you, his knot beginning to swell. You need it, need it so bad you can hardly stand it.

“P-please, please, please–”

He swells inside you, locking your bodies together as his orgasm hits. It’s all you need to find your own. You wail into the mattress, cunt clenching and legs trembling until you collapse, flattening against the beg. Suguru follows you down, wrapping his arms around your waist and whispering in your ear.

“Take it all, baby. Good girl. Take it all…”

You nod, not even sure what you’re agreeing to. All you can feel is his cum flooding your insides, pulsing and pumping so deep into you that you swear your tummy is swelling with the sheer amount of it. Still, your body wants more, clenching and milking him for every last drop, just like he asked.

When you both come down from your orgasms he pulls you into his chest once again, whispering promises of protection and love that lull you into a trance-like state of happiness. When you fall asleep again, he’s chanting a word that your omega repeats right back to him. “Mine, mine, mine.”

When you wake again it’s to the sound of Geto staying true to his word and flushing every last birth control pill you have straight down the toilet. Your omega surges at the idea, but one mewl from you and he’s back in your arms, like you’re somehow the one in charge, not him. With every passing moment, you being to think that might be true- that perhaps a heat does not makes you as weak as you thought. Your alpha submits as much to you as you submit to him.

The week is spent in a frenzy. You do not measure by the numbers on the clock or where the sun is in the sky, rather you know time only as how long it’s been since Suguru’s been locked inside you. If it were up to you, you’d never stop, but Geto forces you to sleep, to eat, to bathe. Of course, he’s never far away when you’re following his instructions and you usually get a kiss and his knot as a reward for being such a good girl.

It’s ten days later when your heat finally starts to wane. It feels as though every inch of you is covered in him. Bites, hickies, kisses, cum… no part of you has been left untouched. Suguru has had you everywhere. The bed, the shower, the bath, the kitchen. Every surface in the whole apartment reeks of sex and slick. He never keeps you too far from the bedroom, though, where you’ve piled up mountains of his shirts and sheets. Anything that smells like him, anything that can keep you tethered in those brief moments when Suguru goes to fetch you food or water or run you a bath. He takes care of you, just like he promised.

When you wake completely clear-headed for the first time in well over a week, it’s to Suguru’s arms and lips. He’s got you all wrapped up in him, his arms locked around your waist almost like he expects you to bolt. You almost do when everything comes flooding back to you, this time with a completely clear conscience. But then he kisses your neck and whispers a delightful little, “welcome back, baby” against your neck and suddenly you’re realizing how… revitalized you feel, like a part of you has finally been properly satisfied after years of waiting. You’d always hated this, always hated the part of you that begged and cowered, hated heats- but maybe with Suguru… they really weren’t all that bad.

taglist (DM me to be added!): @lacheri, @la-undercover-latina

link: alpha!gojo fic

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obsidianshadow · 1 year ago

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☺️

#it's kinda fruity to play Baldur's Gate with a lad until 4 am right #this isn't a romantic thing but it's so refreshing to be talking with someone who likes you #not someone just out for the sex which I feel like happens more often than not on dating apps #it's weird having to recalibrate what I want in a relationship

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hoshifighting · 2 months ago

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Hello honeeey.

Can i request something? That's being going in my mind and i thought you be perfect for this... i wanted to ask for a first time with Seungcheol... like no the first time ever but the first time with him.

Like new relationship, a lot of previous teasing but he has being waiting for you to make the first step and stuff.

Pleaseeeee, i love your work, kisseeees💗

first time having sex with seungcheol in a new relationship

WARNINGS: smut, new established relationship, fingering, penetrative sex, hair pull

a/n: hiii my dear!! thank you for the request, I hope you like it <333 sorr ab how late is this going, but I can use this excuse for a chirstmas gift....? 🥺 love youuu!!!

he knows he’s about to ruin you but doesn’t feel the need to announce it.

you’ve both been circling around this moment for weeks—every touch lingering longer than it should, every kiss dipping into field that leaves you squirming. now you’re here, and he’s leaning over you with that smug, lopsided grin, looking like he’s been waiting for this exact second his entire life.

“been thinkin’ about this,” he mutters, lips brushing your jaw, his hands already sliding under your shirt. and yeaaaah, maybe you’ve been thinking about it too, but you’re not about to stroke his ego like that.

his mouth is warm, soft, leaving a trail down your neck that makes your toes curl. but it’s his hands... that really mess with your head. they’re big and rough, and its so good! its like he plays a 3 hour long documentary about womens anatomy in his head, to make it all perfect. and you’re not even sure if it’s intentional at first, the way his thumb brushes your ribs before dragging along your waistline is making you loose your cool.

“you good?”

“mhmm..”

he’s pulling your clothes off slow, his eyes flick up to yours when he hooks his fingers into your waistband, waiting for the nod before tugging it all down.

then, he pauses—just for a second, but it’s enough to notice. like he’s recalibrating, trying to balance his usual cocky self with something more reserved. you swear there’s a flicker of nervousness there, but it’s gone before you can really clock it.

and then his mouth is on your thigh, pressing soft kisses that turn into teasing bites. “you’re so fucking pretty,” he says, his voice wrecked, like he’s the one losing his serenity.

when he slides two fingers in, he tries to be soft to stretch you properly for his cock, without making it burn, curling in a way that makes you moan loud for the first time. “like that?” he asks, smirking when you moan in response. he’s watching everything, adjusting the angle, the pace, until you’re arching off the bed.

“so sensitive...” like he’s proud of the way you’re squirming under him.

but seungcheol’s not about to let you get too comfortable. just when you’re about to cum, he pulls his fingers out, grinning at the whine you let out. “don’t worry, baby,” he says, kissing the inside of your knee, “i’ve got you.”

and when he finally presses into you, he doesnt know if he should be sexy and shameless, or be more reserved in case he cums on the first slide. so he starts slow, letting you adjust before picking up the pace.

you swear he’s holding back at first, keeping it steady even when you’re begging for more. but then you pull him down by the hair, whispering something filthy in his ear—things that he was CRAVING for you to say, that’s all it takes for him to snap.

“fuck,” he growls, his grip tightening as his thrusts get rougher, deeper. but just when you think he’s going to completely wreck you, he slows down again, his hand sliding up to tangle in your hair. he pulls—just enough to tilt your head back—and kisses you hard, like he’s staking a claim.

“thought about this for so long,” he says, his voice rough, his movements still slow. “you don’t even know.”

you didn’t know he could be like this—rough and tender, cocky and careful, all at once. but now you’re here, and he’s everywhere, and you don’t think you’ll ever be able to think about anything else. he’s determined, you can tell. determined to make you remember every single moment, every touch, every kiss, every thrust. and when you finally cum, he’s right there with you, holding you until you frown, because you two are definitely sweating.

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darknight3904 · 5 months ago

Text

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘖𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘓𝘪𝘧𝘦

𝘓𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘏𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵 𝘹 𝘍𝘦𝘮!𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: 𝘈 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘵 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘐𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦.

𝘛𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘱𝘰𝘰𝘭 & 𝘞𝘰𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘦 (2024). 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘺. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘉𝘰𝘺𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘎𝘦𝘯 𝘝, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘝𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘢 𝘕𝘦𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘳 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵.

𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘝𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦.

𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥/𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘳 30𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨.

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 3.1𝘬

𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵 / 𝘚𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 / 𝘔𝘺 𝘔𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵

The next two weeks following your rooftop conversation with Logan were odd ones. The apartment is calmer than normal as the two of you fall into a rhythm with each other. Usually, that rhythm was in silence, but it was still a rhythm.

Logan, like the freak of nature he was, always got up before anyone else and would start a pot of coffee. Eventually, you'd show up, still groggy and clad in pajamas for him to hand you a piping hot mug with just the right amount of sugar and milk. It had taken him two days to figure out exactly how you liked your coffee.

The two of you would usually then eat breakfast, and then depending on the day, you'd go off to work, or on your days off, you'd eat breakfast with him while the TV ran in the background.

During this time, you learned a few things about this new version of Logan the universe has gifted you. For example, if he was reading a book, every few pages, he'd lick the tip of his finger to turn a page. Another would be how he tapped his foot to the beat of a song if he liked it. You presumed Logan was also picking up on the little ticks that you performed as you lived your life. Of course, you didn't ask him if he was.

Sure, these weeks had been peaceful, but at the same time wildly aggravating. It was as though nearly all of your anger for the man that was currently loudly slurping cereal from his bowl, had disappeared in a puff of smoke. You had stolen so many glances at him over the past few days, hoping you might find some anger lingering in your soul for the bearded hunk of muscle yet, you always came up empty.

It was Wade who first pointed out to you that you were running low on hatred.

"You two are totally best buds, or should I say best bubs now?"

"We are not." You rolled your eyes as you handed him his lunch that he had forgotten at the apartment.

"Sure ya are. Let me know when the wedding bells chime, and I'll dust off my flower girl dress.

Wade was so full of shit it was practically leaking out of his ears.

Logan was a mystery to you. To outsiders (Wade) he was like a mean old barn cat. Quick to give a rebuttal and swat whatever kind words the annoying man had to say. Then, as if his brain was surgically removed and recalibrated, he'd turn into the biggest softie and start flirting with you.

You weren't dumb. You could see that he was into you from a million miles away. It made sense, considering the positive relationship he had with you in his universe. Well, before he fucked it up that is. What you didn't get is why he was so invested after all these months. You had been so cold and rude to him, hell, you had blown off his leg once in an argument. Yet, the past two weeks had been a whirlwind of boyish charm and little glances he probably thought you didn't notice. It was downright annoying how deep he was under your skin.

The worst part of it all was the fear that was eating you alive. Sure, the daylight chased it away and you rarely thought about it when you were actually with him. But late at night, when Laura was fast asleep, fear was all you felt. You were terrified of it, falling in love with him again. You couldn't do it again. And yet, here you sat, staring at that handsome face again like none of it had even happened in the first place.

"What're you doing today?" Logan asks

"I was thinking about starting Gilmore Girls. Or maybe Gossip Girl..." You say, "I need a new show to watch."

"Gossip Girl for sure." Wade says, standing at the microwave, watching his breakfast burrito heat up, "That Serena is the hottest person I've ever seen."

"Aren't you and Vanessa back together?" You ask

"Am I not allowed to appreciate other hot people in this world? Don't worry about it, I'll tell Blake about this later. Clearly, you don't find her attractive."

You scoff, only a moron would think Blake Lively wasn't attractive.

"Anyway, you two are not allowed to camp in the living room and binge-watch whatever show you had your eyes set on." Wade declares

"And why is that?" Logan asks, "Thought this was a free country?"

"Oh, it is. And that's why we are taking a trip to Coney Island today. Vanessa got free tickets from her work and we are all invited." Wade grins

You glance at Logan who already is looking at you, his eyes practically asking what your opinions were on this.

"Alright, fine. But you're not allowed to peer pressure me into any rides I don't want to go on." You point at Wade

"Deal." He grins, "Now go wake up Laura. I'd do it, but last time I woke her she stabbed both my eyeballs in and took that little foot knife of hers to my balls."

"Sounds like someone I know." You tease, gently kicking Logan's shin under the table

"I've never done that to you." He says looking at you confused.

"Um hello, what about me? Do I not have feelings? Did the night in the Honda Oddessy mean nothing to you?" Wade gasps dramatically

"No, It didn't."

"You insensitive bastard! I'm telling my therapist about you!"

Coney Island's boardwalk is crowded despite the cooler fall weather. You walk along in between Laura and Logan, observing the many different kinds of people that flock to the tourist trap. In front of you, Wade's toupee is shiner than normal as he walks hand in hand with Vanessa.

"Do you think he shampooed that thing before seeing her today?" Laura asked on your left

"Oh definitely." You reply

"Probably deep conditioned too. A hair mask or two." Logan chimed in from your right

"How do you know what a deep condition is? Or a hair mask?" You ask, bewildered

"When you've been alive for two hundred years, you pick up on things, bub." He says

"You've done a hair mask before, haven't you?" Laura eyed him suspiciously

"No," Logan said sheepishly

"You're so full of shit." She laughed

You lean over to whisper in her ear, "Bet he's gotten a blowout before too."

"You two know I can hear you, right?" Logan scowls

"You're too easy to pick on." You point out, patting his back

"Can you two stop eye fucking and hurry it up? I want to get in line for the Cyclone before it gets too long!" Wade groans

"Do you think we're being rude by leaving Al at home?" You ask as you stand next to Logan in line

"I'm pretty sure Wade left some cocaine out and put Jeopardy on for her. Besides, what would she even do here?" Logan says looking around at the games and rides.

"True. She's probably eating chips on the couch getting crumbs all over the cushions again." You sigh, thinking of all the times you've vacuumed the couch.

The line goes by surprisingly quick and before you know it, the loud clicking of the coaster's tracks fills your ears as you glance over the side of the cart at the people that looked like ants from so high up. Beside you, you're surprised to see Logan looking rather light-headed.

"Are you okay?" You ask, surprised at his obvious fear.

"Fine." He says, in a short tone you're not used to hearing.

You glance down at the lap bar, which he seems to be holding onto like it's going to unlatch at any second.

"You seem tense." You say

"I'm fine." He growls

"Peanut, don't tell me you're scared back there!" Wade calls over his shoulder from the cart in front of you, "This coaster is a piece of history! I bet Cap rode this when he was still skinny!"

"Shut up." Logan commands

The loud click, signifying you have reached the top of the drop has Logan silent. The loud screams of strangers reach your ears as the coaster drops. You can hear Wade and Vanessa, laughing and yelling in joy as the 85 foot drop commences.

"Holy shit!"

Logan's loud curse beside you has you looking over at him. He truly looked terrified. The ride continues and you try to keep yourself from laughing at Logan, whose knuckles are turning white as he grips the restraint.

A fast turn has you lifting slightly out of your seat, and the sound of screeching metal reaches your ears. On your right, Logan's claws have come out, his eyes still squeezed shut.

The ride begins to slow and you slowly reach out, placing your hand over Logan's

"It's over." You say to him

His eyes blink open and he looks over at you and then down to your hand that rests carefully ontop of his. As you roll back into the loading dock, his claws retract, out of sight before someone can point and stare.

"You survived." You joke as you unbuckle yourself

"Barely." He huffs as he steps out of the cart

"See? It wasn't that bad." Wade smiles, hooking Vanessa's arm in his. "Fun right?"

"That's not the word I'm thinking of," Logan says as he sticks close to you

"We should go again," Laura says as you exit the ride

You can't help but notice that Logan looks a bit green as you walk the boardwalk so when Wade suggests the next high-thrill coaster, you decide to stay on the ground with him.

"You don't have to sit with me," Logan says as the two of you get comfortable on a wooden bench

"Just between you and me, that ride Wade is waiting for is insane. I'd never step foot on it." You admit with a smile

"If he goes flying out of the restraints, I hope someone gets it on camera," Logan says

You nod in agreement, deciding it would indeed be a funny image.

Logan still seems rather distant so You glance around your surroundings wondering if there's any way to distract from his recent "near death" experience. Your eyes land on a soft pretzel cart.

"Wait here." You say, gently tapping his thigh with your hand

Two soft pretzels and a couple of overpriced sodas later. you're doing your best to cheer up The Wolverine, who apparently hates thrill rides.

"Want to walk around some more? They're gonna be waiting for at least another hour." He asks

"How'd you eat so quickly?" You ask, men it was like they inhaled their food. Who was he? Kirby?

"Not my fault you're slow." He shrugs

You polish off your food and suggest a walk along the beach, tired of hearing screaming children and the loud noise of rides.

The sun is beginning to set as you kick off your shoes and let the cold water of the Atlantic wash over your feet.

"Kind of cold," Logan comments as he watches the water lap over his feet

"Don't be a baby." You brush him off as the two of you walk along where the waves meet the sand.

Pale orange paints the sky beautifully as you walk in silence, listening to the waves crash and the seagulls squawk. Cool wind messes with your hair as you steal glances at Logan. At one point, you catch him doing the same and you feel your face heat up, turning your gaze to your sandy feet.

You can't say it, or rather won't, but he's pretty like this. Dark blue jeans, paired with a flannel and black leather jacket. You can even see a bit of his chest hair peaking out from the top button of the flannel being undone.

"This is the longest you've gone without insulting me." He points out

"You want me to insult you?" You ask

"No." He says, "Just pointing it out."

You roll your eyes but can't help finding it a bit endearing that he picked up on that.

"You like the beach?" He asks, surveying the picturesque scenery.

"I do." You sigh, "I think I like the forest more though. A rainy day in a house with the woods in my backyard? The way the snow lines the trees in the winter? Those are my favorite."

Logan nods and his hand brushes yours. You pretend not to notice it, the way his skin sends tingles up your spine as the two of you walk along.

"What about you? You like the beach?" You ask

"It's alright. I don't like all the flying rats that steal your food." He says, motioning to the orange sky.

"You mean seagulls?" You ask

"Isn't that what I just said?"

You snort an unladylike laugh and slap your hand over your mouth, fully mortified that just happened.

Logan gives you a mischievous look as you open your mouth to apologize.

"Ever play tag?" He grins

You're not sure if he's two hundred or two as he taps your arm and dashes off, declaring that you're "it". You follow him with a groan, forcing your legs to run after him.

"Logan!" You yell as he puts distance between the two of you, the orange from the last bits of today's sun illuminating him.

There was no way you were catching him like this so, you focus your mind on him. Your brain easily becomes in tune he way his heart quickly beat to pump blood to his legs and arms as he ran. Got him.

Logan lets out a groan of frustration as you approach him, frozen to the sand under your command.

"Looks like you're it now." You say, tapping his shoulder

"This is cheating." He says, "You can't use your powers for this."

"No one is stopping you from using yours." You say

"What would I do? Cut you in half?" He asks

He never gets his answer as you jog off, putting some distance between the two of you before letting him move again. You think you might have a bit of a chance to run further as you move along. Perhaps he isn't as fast as you thought he was,

Big arms startle you when they wrap around your waist, lifting you up. Ocean water splashes onto your pants as you shriek in fear while Logan laughs.

"Looks like you're it again, hon." He says into your ear, spinning you around

"Put me down." You laugh

"I think we should go further into the water, actually." Logan declares

You push at his arms which are like steel as he takes a few steps forward so the water is up to his shins.

"Logan these are new jeans!" You gasp, lying to see if he'll let you go That ocean water was freezing, no way was he going to dunk you in there.

"We have a washer."

His deep voice sends a shot of electricity down your spine as his beard tickles your neck from behind.

"Yeah! Drown her!"

Wade's loud voice carries across the beach as Logan's grip loosens. You push yourself away from him, breathless and dizzy with excitement. The cold water comes up and splashes onto your pants anyway and you grumble a bit, thinking of how cold they'll be on the trip home.

Your foul mood is chased away as Logan leans down to your ear and whispers, "We should drown him, get some peace and quiet back home."

"I'll hold him down." You joke

"Don't give me ideas." Logan grins

As the two of you walk up the beach, you don't miss the way Laura is whispering to Vanessa, no doubt about you and Logan.

The rest of the night is spent with laughter and some of the unhealthiest food you've had in a while. You drag Logan onto the Tilt-a-Whirl, and then the Scrambler, and somehow pull him onto the Teacups, spinning the cup until both of you are dizzy beyond compare. Despite his negative attitude about it all, you can tell he enjoyed the rides, he was just too proud to admit it in front of Wade.

As for Wade, in his words, he was ascending to God level, and someone needed to call Thor and Loki because Asgard needed him. The source of his new ego? He had somehow managed to win three prizes from one of those usually rigged games and now he, Vanessa, and Laura all had matching stuffed dinosaurs.

Unfortunately for Logan, tonight was not his night for the games and he had just lost another five bucks to some rigged ring toss.

"You should probably forget it, Peanut. I'm on a whole different level than you."

Wade's words were certainly under the gruff man's skin as he slapped another five onto the counter, clearly not interested in being outdone.

"Is this their version of comparing dick sizes?" Vanessa asked, tossing an arm around your shoulders as Laura snickered at her joke.

"I'm pretty sure they've already done that." You laugh

You watch as Wade dances around Logan, saying things to him to get him to screw up. If this was your living room, Wade would've been missing a few limbs by now.

One loud shut the fuck up from Logan and a few lucky tosses as well, the worker is unenthusiastically proclaiming his win. Before you know it, a stuffed dolphin is being handed to you by Logan who seems overly smug about his win.

You don't want to admit that he probably spent triple what the toy was worth, so instead you thank him earnestly and ask him for an idea for a name.

"I dunno...what about...Frank?" He says

"You just spent like 30 bucks and you want to name him Frank?" You laugh

"I'm not good at naming shit," Logan grumbles, staring at his feet

"I'm joking." You smile, nudging him with your elbow so he looks at you again," Frank is perfect."

"Frank Howlett." Wade sighs shoving himself in the middle of you and Logan and tossing his arms around both of you, "What a cute family you are! Call me when the baptism planning starts! I want to be the Godfather."

Logan shrugs Wade's arm off his shoulders and pushes him away from the both of you.

"You're an annoying prick."

"Keep degrading me, it's my favorite form of foreplay."

"Ignore him, let's go on the bumper cars." You advise, pointing at the ride that's a few yards away.

You swallow back that fear that often plagues your mind and heart and daringly link your arm around Logan's. He quickly looks down at you and smiles a bit as you pull him off in the direction of the ride.

"Don't take it personally, buddy." Vanessa says, rubbing a hand up and down Wade's back, "You're just not his type."

"First of all, I'm everyone's type," Wade said, turning to catch Laura off guard with a boop to the nose,

"Secondly, when are these two motherfuckers going to kiss? Seriously it's been like five chapters and they're still dancing around like it's the fucking homecoming dance in freshman year!"

"C'mon, let's go ride the bumper cars," Vanessa says, pulling him along, Laura close behind.

"I'm serious! This slow burn can't slow burn much longer, I'll light my toupee on fire and toss it at this writer's fucking cat if something doesn't happen soon!"

Chapter Six

I've never been to Coney Island. So no one is allowed to clock me if I got stuff wrong.

here are some pics of my cat. Don't worry I'm going to keep her safe from Wade and his flaming toupee:

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wavesoutbeingtossed · 10 months ago

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My brain is on fire same I can’t sleep and am thinking of this:

The way she writes about marriage/family/commitment through these different situations across the album is soooooooooo interesting.

You have a very intense first experience of it in “The Manuscript,” where it is first dangled in front of her/the narrator’s young, impressionable self as shorthand for real love in a situation that ended up being smoke and mirrors. She’s being told everything she wants to hear by someone who basically thinks it’s just foreplay. In the end, when it’s clear that the other person has no intention of actually making a life with her, it makes her feel used, but she forces herself to recalibrate and become the girl she thinks he and all the other hes want her to be. Easy breezy cool. But there’s a sense of loss in realizing those hopes were merely banter to the other.

You have the “grown up” version of it alluded to in “So Long, London” and “How Did It End?”, the years of putting in work to save a relationship and the “deflation of our dreaming leaving [her] bereft and reeling” leading to them “calling it all off.” The implication is clearly that they built a home together with plans for next steps at a point in time, but the commitment is shattered. (Obviously to me it sounds like marriage.) She’s bitter at spending her “prime” years with someone who ultimately didn’t want to be there, even if he couldn’t or wouldn’t admit it himself.

She felt like she did everything she was supposed to, but they were learning the right steps to different dances at as it were. Those dreams were at one point shared, but in the end they weren’t right for each other and she admits that, though bitterly (“I founded the club she’s heard great things about” eg the years she put in for him to help him grow up will end up benefiting his new lover, “but I’m not the one,” “you’ll find someone,” etc.). Mixed in with all this of her resentment of him wasting her youth (sacrificing herself at the altar), and his resentment of her for reasons less defined, and insinuations of betrayal in the shadows. The fantasy of the whole package disappears into the ether, yet she still has no answers as to how they got there.

Then in comes the wolf in sheep’s clothing in many of the rest of the songs, the one who promises her all those things she’s dreamed of since she was a kid instantly. After years of moulding herself to other men’s desires, someone comes in and tells her exactly what she wants to hear at the most vulnerable time of her life, as though the universe is answering her prayers, like some sort of cosmic payback for all she’s suffered, and it’s the most intoxicating drug of all. She’s gone from her wish for a family life feeling like she’s in a way being used for her body, to it being used as a chain to a relationship gone sour, to having someone put a metaphorical ring on her finger and tell her he wants to have babies with her, fuck those other guys.

In her grief and stupor, it’s too good to be true, which is exactly why she falls for it. But of course, it’s all an illusion, because this wolf is an amalgamation of the worst of all the men who came before him. He tells her everything she wants to hear not to make her dreams come true, but to make his. He takes the worst parts of these scenarios to make his move: he’ll stand by her, he’ll commit, he’ll do it out in the open under the spotlight’s glare (all things desperately lacking in her last relationship), but after he beds her he stabs her in the back in private and leaves her. He got what he wanted at the expense of her losing everything she wanted, this time as her world caved in seemingly for good. She feels like she gave up everything she thought she might have had for a chance that this is where the universe has been point her all along, only to be left broken for good (you represent the loss of my life as I knew it).

Then there are two sort of codas to this. In “But Daddy I Love Him” we get a sassier reimagining of “Love Story,” where the girl with the scarlet letter is mouthy and crass and tells everyone to go fuck themselves for cursing her in the first place, choosing her love above all else. And no, those haters can’t come to her wedding. Her daddy may have come around, but they sure can’t. Finally it seems someone is choosing her and will someday give her these things, and she’ll be able to show all the naysayers. (Also interestingly one of the more fictionally-veiled songs which ends happily vs the diaristic ones that don’t.)

Then of course there’s “So High School,” our first glimpse into what the future holds. Probably the only unabashedly happy (nay… electric?) song on the album, it’s all about reclaiming the buzz of youth (which is a whole other post) with a new lover. “Are you gonna marry, kiss or kill me? It’s just a game but really, I’m betting on all three for us two.” It’s, er, a direct nod to a certain now-infamous interview, but again, she’s staking her claim on her future, if not certain then at least hopeful again. This time the prospect doesn’t come with a “but.” It’s not, we’ll be pushing strollers but actually you’re too young. It’s not, we had these dreams for our future but actually I can’t move forward. It’s not, I’m going to promise you a ring and a baby but only until my needs are met and then I’m out. It’s, I know what I wanted and I’m not leaving, and thanks to that now she stays too.

The album dealt with the theme not at all in the way I expected, but is absolutely fascinating.

#writing letters addressed to the fire #me thinking too hard about Taylor lyrics #the tortured poets department #i have many thoughts #No brain power

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the-cosmic-cauldron · 15 days ago

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𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒔 𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑻𝒐 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑴𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝑺𝒊𝒈𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝑭𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒚

Aries Moon

For my Aries Moons in February, it seems there will be a lot of temptation and things trying to pull you back into the essence you’re attempting to leave behind. You’re trying to move past the toxic energy and avoid feeling trapped in situations that no longer serve you. However, it looks like that temptation is resurfacing, rehashing itself, and coming up again. I sense that there will be a major shake-up in February that brings up this toxic energy you want to break free from. You’ll need to confront it and deal with it, which may cause disruption—arguments, breakdowns in relationships, or even a breakdown in what you thought was a positive period in your life. Although this will have a significant impact, I don’t see it taking over your entire month. It’s going to happen in an intense way, bringing a lot of toxicity and conflict into play.

This situation is related to something that has been lingering for a while, something that hasn’t fully ended. Perhaps it’s been swept under the rug or there have been moments where it seemed to get better, but it hasn’t truly been released. It’s an old attachment, something stale that reemerges, causing chaos, shaking up the balance and equilibrium in your life. Despite the disruption, this shake-up will actually propel you toward wanting to make a change. Though it may feel like you’re defeated, angry, or out of control while it’s unfolding, I see you picking yourself up from this. This energy will pass, and although it will be a major part of your month, the aftermath will help you regain a sense of control and stability in your life. February holds a sense of unpredictability, with themes of shocking and surprising events, but there’s a positive side to this unpredictability. It can bring a refreshing, rejuvenating energy—an opportunity for a fresh start, a new path. This disruption could lead you to take a leap of faith, risk something new, or step outside your comfort zone to create positive change.

I also see that you’ll likely experience some financial blessings in February, perhaps unexpected support or material assistance from someone. You may feel supported by someone who comes through for you in a way you didn’t expect. There might even be financial opportunities that give you the confidence to take risks, such as traveling to escape the negative energy and recalibrate your life.

Taurus Moon

For my Taurus Moons in February, the energy seems mixed, with a lack of consistency in the themes. It appears there will be a lot of internal focus this month—emotions, thoughts, and mental energy may take center stage. This could lead to overthinking, overanalyzing, or a sense of emotional overwhelm. Valentine’s Day energy is present in your reading, bringing with it a sense of romanticism. There may be a playful, flirtatious, and lighthearted dynamic in your romantic life—a lot of admiration and small, sweet gestures that bring youthful energy. You may find yourself exchanging compliments, giving small gifts like roses, and experiencing the joy of love in its simpler, more innocent form.

However, despite this romantic energy, I sense a lack of ambition, drive, and passion in February. While there is romance, it might be passive, sweet, and gentle, but not particularly passionate or energetic. The physical side of romance may not be as intense. You may also experience some physical fatigue or a need for rest, possibly dealing with illness or exhaustion. February may require you to take time for yourself to recuperate and get back to a place of balance. Energy levels could fluctuate, and there may be days of higher energy and other days of feeling low and drained.

I sense a lack of structure this month, which could stem from struggles with stability—perhaps instability in your daily routine or even financial instability. Your usual routine might be unstable, or you might be experiencing fluctuations in energy and mood. This could leave you feeling overwhelmed and unable to follow a consistent pattern.

You may also find yourself putting up emotional walls in February. This could be a defense mechanism as you try to regroup and protect yourself. On the outside, you may present yourself as strong and bold, but behind closed doors, you feel overwhelmed, burnt out, or even sick. I sense that you’re stuck on something from the past—perhaps an old routine or situation that no longer applies in the present. The past might resurface in a way that doesn’t bring you happiness, and this could be part of the reason you’re so focused on internalizing your thoughts. As you ruminate on the past, you may try to protect yourself from vulnerability, though you’re feeling increasingly vulnerable as the past lingers in the present. Navigating through these tough energies will be challenging, but I do see some romance and sweet, playful moments in February to help lighten the mood.

Gemini Moons

February feels like a mixed month for you, and I sense that there’s a situation where things might shift from bad to good or good to bad. Ultimately, though, I think this will lead to a transition from a rough, stagnant period to a more awakened, defined, and clearer phase.

In February, you might feel a bit misguided. You could find yourself becoming more of a homebody, not feeling as ambitious or gregarious, and lacking the drive to be active or spontaneous. You may feel aimless, unsure of where you want to go, and not up to the challenge of pursuing your goals. This likely stems from a lot weighing on your mind. Perhaps you’ve recently gone through a difficult time, dealing with disappointing news or a mentally draining experience. Your energy might feel stagnant, and you could be in a depressive state, making it hard to do much or go out.

You may feel hurt or emotionally drained, especially if something has happened that caused you to withdraw. It might be hard for you to open up or put your heart out there, as you’re fearful of getting hurt again. I feel like you might have also discovered something—perhaps a truth that’s been lingering in your mind—that has contributed to this mental overwhelm and left you in a funk, with little motivation to do anything.

That said, this won’t last forever. You’re taking time to be alone, reflect, and figure out your emotions. You might not feel like being reactive, but instead, introspective, trying to understand why you feel the way you do. While you’re withdrawing, it’s actually a necessary break. You’re not feeling your best right now, and you need time to process everything before you move forward.

Despite all this, I do sense a call to action in your life. This situation is pushing you to go down a different path and make decisions for yourself again. By the end of February, I see a resurgence of energy and confidence that will propel you toward new opportunities. You’ll feel more tenacious, feisty, and motivated to take on new projects. This burst of energy will help you start a new journey with confidence, receiving praise and support from others.

In the long run, this period of reflection and introspection will have a positive impact, especially as you shift gears toward the more energetic and confident months ahead.

Cancer Moons

February may be a rocky month for you, with emotional fluctuations and moments when you feel uprooted or unstable. There could be people in your environment affecting your mood, and you may find yourself drained, unable to show up for others because you feel emotionally spent. This month, you might find yourself needing to check in with yourself more, abandoning plans just to focus on your emotional well-being.

Expect some intense emotional energy in February. You may find yourself dealing with heavier emotions, like sadness, regret, remorse, or even disillusionment. This emotional imbalance may be pervasive, weighing on your mind heavily in relation to past actions or situations. As you process these feelings, it might feel overwhelming, especially when trying to make sense of your reality.

During this time, you may withdraw, not wanting to be around others. You could find yourself in deep reflection, figuring out the root causes of your emotions. You might not be in full-on “hermit mode,” but you will likely spend time on your own, trying to understand your feelings.

I don’t see a lot of structure or stability for you in February. It’s not a month for sticking to a routine or establishing a solid foundation. Instead, it’s a month full of fluctuating energy—both bold and exciting, but also restless. You might feel mentally stimulated, more alert, and ready to engage in stimulating conversations. There’s a sense of confidence and energy, and you might find yourself wanting to act on ideas and projects you’ve been considering.

While the emotional fluctuations and the need for self-reflection are still present, I see happiness on the horizon. Even if sadness or emotional imbalance lingers, I sense that you’re taking action from a place of mental restlessness, filled with creative ideas and a desire to express yourself. You’ll have enjoyable moments, particularly with others, and you’ll feel supported by the people around you. The interactions you have will be harmonious and uplifting, giving you the strength to move forward.

Overall, February will be a month of emotional fluctuations, but also a period of creative growth, supported by those who love and care for you.

Leo Moons

For Leo Moons in February, I feel that you may be experiencing a period of disconnect with someone you’ve had a falling out with. You and this person are likely in no contact and may be ignoring each other. There’s a lack of communication, and both of you seem unwilling to break your pride to reach out and reconcile. This stagnation is likely to continue. The person involved could be someone you envisioned a future with, possibly a close family member like a cousin, aunt, uncle, or even your parents. It could also be someone you’re married to or just someone very important in your life. Despite this connection, there seems to be a lot of turmoil between you, which is contributing to a major transformation in your life this month. Something shocking may arise, causing upheaval and bringing unresolved drama to the forefront. This could trigger the end of lingering issues, but it will also destabilize things for a time.

Though the month may start with a lot of instability, once the chaos subsides, there will be moments of clarity, and you may begin to reevaluate things with a more practical and realistic mindset. This could lead to new opportunities, such as pursuing further education, seeking a new job, or focusing on improving your finances. There’s also the possibility of a fresh start in a relationship, with someone new showing interest or an existing connection offering emotional support. While February may be challenging, it seems to ultimately open doors to new possibilities, and you’ll emerge from the month feeling emotionally fulfilled and with a renewed sense of direction.

Virgo Moons

For Virgo Moons in February, you may find yourself struggling with low confidence and a lack of energy. You could feel less stylish, less strong, or just generally unmotivated. Your physical vitality might also be lower, leading you to spend more time introspecting rather than engaging externally. There might be moments where you feel inner conflict or aggression toward someone or a situation in your life, but you may choose to keep these feelings to yourself rather than confront them. You might also find yourself reflecting on toxic themes in your life but holding back from communicating them to others.

This could be a month where you feel a desire to break free from routine and responsibilities. You might not feel like working or engaging in your usual tasks, seeking instead something different or more spontaneous. You may want to escape the mundane and explore life in a more carefree way. However, despite these internal struggles, there could also be moments of warmth and lightheartedness. Someone may admit to having a crush on you, or you could develop a new romantic interest. Alternatively, you might enjoy meaningful conversations with someone you trust, bringing some emotional relief and connection in the month of February.

Libra Moon

For Libra Moons in February, I see you dealing with frustrating and complex emotional dynamics. It seems like you’re in a period of withdrawal, where you’re retreating from others and spending a lot of time on your own. You might be in “ghost mode,” not responding to people or interacting much, as you go through a difficult time that leaves you feeling stagnant and emotionally overwhelmed. You may be feeling sadness or despair, possibly due to something you’ve discovered that has left you unhappy and uninspired. You might feel disconnected from life, lacking excitement or motivation, and prefer staying at home rather than going out or socializing. This could feel like a month with little growth but a lot of emotional heaviness.

Although you’re withdrawing and taking time to process your emotions, you might find yourself struggling with significant delays in your pursuits. Even if you have the ambition and drive to go after your goals, the energy to follow through may be inconsistent. You may experience fluctuations between moments of ambition and a lack of energy, resulting in obstacles or burnout. Despite this, you’re likely trying to push through, possibly using work or personal goals as a distraction, but the month might feel tough, and you’re likely looking forward to a better month ahead in March.

Scorpio Moons

For Scorpio Moons in February, the month seems to be filled with a mix of challenging experiences. There may be feelings of betrayal or upsetting news that leaves you unsettled. Whether it’s hearing about someone speaking poorly of you or discovering that someone has broken your trust, it could feel like a personal attack. This situation may take you by surprise and leave you feeling defeated. It seems like this is a wake-up call for you to retreat and focus on self-care, giving yourself the space to process the emotional impact.

During this time, you’re likely to nurture yourself and focus on regaining emotional balance. You might avoid practical responsibilities or work-related tasks, choosing instead to relax and take life as it comes. This period of self-reflection will likely lead to an epiphany, where you begin to understand what’s happening and why things are unfolding the way they are. As you take time for yourself, you’ll clear the fog and gain clarity. This clarity will give you the momentum to move forward and resolve any lingering issues, ultimately restoring emotional balance and a sense of tenderness to your life. Someone close to you may offer support, providing comfort and reassurance, which will help lift your spirits and clear the confusion. Although February brings tumultuous emotions, by the end of the month, it seems you’ll have regained your emotional equilibrium and a positive outlook for the future.

Sagittarius Moon

For Sagittarius Moons in February, it seems like this is a month with mixed themes. You may feel shot down, defeated, and lacking the confidence to pursue what you want. There could be a sense of hesitation, with you moving through the month in a more insecure way. You might not have the desire to go out and explore as you usually would, and instead, you might feel like retreating and keeping to yourself. It seems like you’re in a place where you want to care about things, but at the same time, you’re not feeling much of anything. You might feel emotionally neutral or closed off, with a sense of stagnation and no real growth in sight.

This month, you’re likely withdrawing, protecting yourself, and keeping things to yourself. You’re not updating people about your life, instead using this time for introspection and reflection. You may feel stuck and carry some negative emotions, which you’re trying to release before you feel ready to move forward. There’s a lot of internal action happening—spending time in your head, maybe staying up late at night, trying to figure out how to push through and change your situation. Though you’re dealing with heavy emotions, you’re not willing to show others that you’re struggling. After this period of restlessness and reflection, you may start to feel the desire to move forward, setting goals and taking action toward them, especially as you head into March.

It looks like you’ll regain your confidence as the month progresses, building the energy and drive to tackle things head-on. You’ll begin to shine again, feeling happier and more supported. The changing weather may also play a role in lifting your spirits, making you feel more excited to take on new tasks and goals. As you move forward, you’ll feel supported in your efforts and radiate a positive energy as you approach the next steps heading into March.

Capricorn Moons

For Capricorn Moons in February, it seems like you’re stuck on something and unsure how to approach it. You might be holding back, avoiding confrontation, and unsure about how to take action or communicate effectively. For part of the month, you may stall, not making any decisions, perhaps feeling overwhelmed by life and unable to make clear, decisive choices. This could stem from a lack of energy or low confidence, leaving you unsure about how to proceed.

However, by the end of the month, you’ll gain newfound clarity and the confidence to confront the situation. You’ll be able to have a conversation or receive the information you need to make a decisive move. Once you gain that clarity, your confidence will improve, and you’ll feel ready to act. The decision you make will open up new opportunities, allowing you to broaden your horizons and open your mind. With a sense of enthusiasm and excitement, you’ll feel more positive and ready to take on new challenges. Though it took time to build up to this point, making this decision will set you on a new path, with fresh opportunities on the horizon.

Aquarius Moon

For Aquarius Moons in February, I see more positivity than negativity for the month. There’s a strong theme of growth, as you broaden your horizons and feel a sense of adventure. You might feel more spontaneous, pacing yourself and prioritizing enjoying life over simply hustling. You’re less focused on ambition and more interested in finding fulfillment through relaxation and spontaneity. This month, there seems to be a surprising focus on your emotions, especially in relationships. You may experience a new opportunity for emotional connection, with someone offering nurturing support. This could be a person you’re building an emotional bond with, where feelings are reciprocated, and there’s a sense of emotional fulfillment.

This emotional bond may be growing stronger, bringing more stability into your life. You could be discussing the future, possibly even thinking long-term with someone you’re interested in. However, there will be some inconsistencies during the month, with some days being more emotionally open and others being more closed off or moody. At times, you might feel introverted or need to take care of yourself, retreating from social interactions. Despite these fluctuations, the month overall seems to mark a shift away from your usual routine, as you prioritize enjoyment and future possibilities. While there are moments of emotional disconnection or inconsistency in showing care, the emotional bond you’re forming seems to be progressing toward something more stable, even with some unpredictable moments.

Pisces Moon

For Pisces Moons, February looks to be a tumultuous month, full of disruption that weakens your confidence and destabilizes your sense of strength. Though you may prefer calm, it seems like things are chaotic, with decisions and choices overwhelming you. There’s a lot of indecision, and while you’re trying to make the right choices, the circumstances around you are full of drama, explosive arguments, and uncontrollable changes. These situations are likely tied to unresolved hurt and pain, which will come to a head in the form of conflicts or clashes.

You might feel physically and mentally exhausted this month, with little energy to engage in much activity. Overthinking and emotional overstimulation may leave you feeling burned out, and you may retreat into a space of introspection, wanting to release the weight of your internal struggles. This buildup of emotional and mental tension may lead to outbursts or explosive reactions. You may find that both your heart and mind feel unsettled, contributing to the intensity of conflicts. Despite this, it seems you’re trying to right your wrongs and balance things out, even if you’re approaching the situation in a tense and emotionally overwhelming way. There’s a sense of wanting to find harmony and fix the issues at hand, but you may not have the physical or emotional energy to keep up with the demands of the situation. The month will likely be heavy and tumultuous, with themes of shock, toxicity, and conflict. However, your desire to make things right and bring balance to the chaos is evident. You’re working to remedy these problems and reel in the excess energy that is making everything feel overwhelming.

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