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sleepyangelkami · 2 years ago

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PASTORS DAUGHTER I e.williams

☆ WORD COUNT - 5.8K

ELLIE WILLIAMS X FEM!READER

☆ SUMMARY - ellie williams had always been best friends with the pastors daughter, the rebel who went against every single thing her mother and father told her to. Ellie knew this, she was used to this. However, what she wasn't used to, what she seemed to never understand was her little sister. She never crossed a line, adored anything and everything thrown in her clutch, never made her mother or father frown and wore a pretty silver cross around her neck. ellie williams wanted nothing more than to rip it off and have the pasters daughter whimpering beneath her. she didn't know a little lust could create this mess.

☆ WARNINGS - intended lower case, implied smut, suggestive themes, innocence kink, size kink?, argument with parents, yelling, homophobia, religious 'trauma'?, slow burn, use of y/n, sisters best friend trope lmao. I don't know much about rules or whatever in religion but we're not gathered here to read about jesus because we worship ellie williams!!!

series masterlist

ash/ashley = older sister btw!

ellie williams still remembered the exact moment she laid eyes on you, y/n l/n, her best friends little sister. It was christmas and ashley had dragged her to this stupid holy party, it was the church that was organising it so it was mandatory that ashley be there to celebrate the birth of jesus alongside her father who had done the mass. she had done everything in her power not to be there but her parents had enough of her scandals and 'shaming' the family name. she forced her to come with the simple permission that she would be allowed to bring a plus one, as if the whole town weren't already coming. ellie remembered laughing in her face earlier that night, stating that she should have a good time by herself but by no means would the girl be joining her.

and yet there she stood at one of the back walls of the church.

she pulled her flannel closer to her figure, ignoring the way the winter air continuously made her shiver. she watched as ashley conversed with an older couple, and with everything in her ellie attempted not to burst out laughing at how out of place she looked. her parents had forced her to converse with the guests, stating it would be rude if she had ignored them and ellie simply waved her off stating she'd be fine against one of the walls. ellie williams knew the pastor and his wife hated her already so who was she to keep them waiting? she simply held a snarky grin with a quick 'father and mrs. l/n.' as a greeting.

"if you're cold, we have hot coco."

the sound of a girl's voice almost made ellie williams fall over, however, she stabilized herself against the teal wall behind her with chipped paint. "what?" no doubt her voice had come out much ruder than intended due to the fright she had gotten.

but then she turned and she saw it. she saw you. you were dressed in a little red dress, ultimately a lot more festive than she. your hair was pinned back but not all of it, a lot still sat at your shoulders, almost covering that pretty silver chain you wore, a holy cross pendant on it. it didn't take ellie much after that, your sweet tone, your mary jane shoes, the way your fingers fiddled with one another in slight worry. she knew then and there she had to absolutely ruin you. "well, i just meant that if you wanted to get a little warmer, we're giving out hot coco over there b-but you don't have to." suddenly your voice was quieter, much more anxiety filled in it as you worried you may have upset the girl, your father was always telling you how you spoke too much.

and as apologetic as ellie was, as she wanted nothing more than to instantly let an apology tumble from her lips, instantly state that you were not the reason she was using such a tone, that it was merely the fact she hated everything in this goddamn church, she was interrupted before she could utter a word. "well, i see you've met the prize possession of the family." ellie whipped around to see ashley practically by her side, leaning against one of the old wooden chairs. "ellie meet y/n, my little sister, and y/n this is ellie." little sister? ellie had heard all about you. about how you were practically a pastor yourself, how you devoted your very life to god, got at least nineties in every single test, how you outshone ashley l/n in just about everything you did and yet somehow she loved you more than anything in the world.

and of course you had heard about ellie williams, how could you not have? she was a delinquent. if you hadn't heard about all of ellie and ashley's amazing adventures, filled with alcohol and ciagrette's, you would have known her from school. of course, she'd never notice a girl like you, in a grade below her, head always down in the hallways and clutching your bag as if it were a safety net. but ellie williams, everyone knew ellie williams. she was either beating up some kid who 'deserved it' or snapping at a teacher with a raised voice. nonetheless, you always steered clear of the girl. your parents had a morbid distaste to the girl, you knew that much and yet every time she came knocking at the door, she was allowed into the house instantly and appointed up to your older sisters bedroom. everytime she had been there you were either at choir, an after school club or sitting out in the backyard, maybe once or twice in the living room. whatever the case, she was in the house, grabbing your sister and back out of there, she never had time to stick around and meet you.

ellie's sage eyes sunk down to your silky thighs and how your puffed out red dress flowed around them perfectly, then her eyes racked up to where your chest was, completely covered by the red fabric, she couldn't help but wonder what you wore underneath. however, you were her best friends sister, that certainly... complicated things. she was brought back to life at the sight of your shiny silver cross. "nice to meet you, y/n, heard a lot about you." and suddenly the two girls giggled as if it were an inside joke. you hated being the joke.

your doe eyes turned up at your sister, worry stricken features. "she's fuckin' with you, y/n/n." nickname tumbling from her lips easily as she spun around to face ellie, her arm being tossed over your shoulder. ashley was slightly shorter than ellie, however, you were a great deal shorter than your sister. it made ellie wonder just how bigger she was. she wondered how her hands would fit in your own, pinning you down, how they'd caress and squish your pudgy thighs together. she wondered how small you'd look beneath her. suddenly, she was thinking of every sound you could possibly make and god she tried hard not to show it on her face.

her dirty thoughts were cut short with the sound of your name being spoke briskly yet swiftly, a hint of authority in the sharp tone. you snapped your head to the side to see an awaiting mother of yours, standing with two candle sticks. "what's up her ass now?" ashley questioned, giving her mother a strange look. it was no secret that the girl simply found her own parents insufferable. and even with her tone, you managed to ignore her crude words especially in the 'house of god', you were very much used to your sisters language. (not that you approved)

you swallowed briefly. "i promised daddy i'd light the candles for 'em." and yet you yawned as you spoke, hand coming up to rub at your eye. you were tired. and while everything in ellie was fighting with her to all but coo at your tired face she couldn't deny the way she swallowed harshly at the sound of the word 'daddy' tumbling from your lips. you were so fucking innocent. the brunette girl was rolling up her sleeves, puffing out air and fawning that the weather had taken a certain change as if she weren't completely hot by her own corrupt mind. but how could she not? when your white stockings stood out so prominently and your fingers wound together, despite the two little thin silver rings, one with a butterfly the other with the smallest of hearts with a little pink stone. you turned back to ellie, eyes boring into her own sage green ones. the moon, the stars and even the light snow that had begun falling did everything in their might to tear your eyes from her and yet you just stared. "uhm— it was really nice to meet you, ellie, i hope to see you around more often." noticing the impatient look in your devil like mothers eyes.

"you too, sweetheart." it just came out.

eyes wide from all you, ashley and ellie. belive it or not, but the girl had surprised even herself. with blushing cheeks and secretive eyes you shared the pair one last glance before rushing off. ellie williams did nothing but stare. she stared at the way your hair bounced off your back, the way your dress lifted up as you walked with a pep in your step, attempting to get as close to your mother as fast as humanly possible. she stared. dazed. "dude. what?" ashley practically shoved ellie to get her attention, a confused look on her face as she raised a brow.

"is your sister gay?"

"shut the fuck up."

gay? you? the most religious girl in the whole town? it was a funny assumption, something that ashley could only deem humorous. and while ellie laughed along with the girl, fixing her sleeves with a grin on her face, she couldn't deny the way her eyes drifted back to you, a wide smile etched to your own face, smiling from ear to ear at one of the younger boys who was asking you a question about something religion related. ellie williams hated nothing more than people preaching and preaching about a god she didn't care an ounce for, but for you... for you she thought she may just listen until your dripping words went dry.

that was the night that ellie williams set eyes for y/n l/n and never looked back.

you couldn't deny your own infatuation for the girl yourself. you began to notice the days she came over, how she began to linger in your house, spend dinner with your strange family, how she began to sleep over at least twice a week. you brushed it off for simple admiration, almost envy. you were a girl who was simply caught in the bubble, there you were safe. but something about ellie was so... dangerous, enduring. she lived freely, with a grin in her face wherever she went, she cockily spoke in front of a crowd, one in which she could easily point out your eyes.

she was in another squabble with one of the teachers. it was the male physical education teachers who wore the very same pair of tracksuit end shorts every day. you had merely been a bypasser, books clutched to your chest tightly as you ignored absolutely everything around you. you often tuned yourself out in school, it was the only realistic way to get by. you recited a quote from a book in which you had read that previous night. if you were being honest, you hadn't even noticed the commotion in the hallway, until, that was, a sound of a voice rung out. "y/n." your head snapping towards ellie who had teachers surrounding her, a disappointed look on all their faces, some kids videoed the interactions, others laughed, most kids stopped to see what was going on at least. her greeting had caught you off guard. "how ya doin'?" a grin planted on her lips as she bent her head down at you. your eyes were as wide as saucers as random looks were thrown your way by teenagers you had never even met. it was no secret that y/n l/n was the 'good girl' of the school, how couldn't she be when she spent every day inside a chapel, she was laughable. some kid's brows furrowed and suddenly you could hear everyone whisper your name in confusion to one another. Mr. Lionel, the english teacher and your personal favourite of the school, grasped ellie's arm and attempted to shove her into the classroom they were standing out of. you watched with wide eyes as he slammed the door shut. "you can't legally do that!" you heard the muffled shout of ellie williams who was undoubtedly speaking of the fact the teacher put his hands on her without so much as asking.

you whipped around, ignoring the varying stares and hard gazes, head bound downwards.

but that didn't mean that you were necessarily ashamed to know ellie williams let alone have befriended her, no, you were beyond proud. "you're so cool." you admired in a dazed state.

"aren't I just?" your sister boasted as she showed off her black nails. she glanced over at you, your head resting in your arms that rested on the table, simply watching her in admiration. "you know, you could always come with us." she was meeting with ellie and going to another party. it was a wonder if your parents knew and just decided to ignore it.

your brows raised so high they almost reached your hairline. "me? a party?" giggling as your own sister rolled her eyes with a grin on her face, the idea did sound stupid now that she thought back on it.

"true." pocketing the black nailpolish. "run along i'm sure you have just about everything to do in that shitty little church."

your smile faltered but you fixed it instantly, not wishing to ruin the mood. this was your problem, you were too damn emotional. "tell ellie i said hi." as you stood from the kitchen table, grasping a hold of your small white handbag, you truly did have things to be doing.

"i will." smiling up at you. "see you later, y/n/n." you bid your goodbye then with the tiniest of simpers but as soon as you shut the front door with a small frown etched to your face.

you loved being so involved in your religion, you did, but it was times like this that you truly hated it. you wanted to go out with ellie and ashley. you wanted to make friends, you wanted people not to be scared of getting too close to you seeing as you were just too involved with your religion, you wanted a life that didn't revolve around the church you seemingly always found yourself in.

"you're so fucking stupid!" giggling wildly as she laid her back against the bed, long hair falling down beneath her face.

"you would have done the exact same thing!" ellie defended with an accusing finger being pointed at ashley who was much higher than her.

steam filled the room so much so that ellie could see how condensation was building up on the windows of ashley's bedroom. "i would have ran in the opposite direction, are you kidding me?" flipping over so she was laying on her stomach, laughing at her best friend who was sat with her legs crossed across from her. ellie liked having a best friend that was straight, this way no feelings ever got muddled up. besides, ellie would rant all she pleased about girls and ashley could only do it ten times more about the boys she's been with. then again, it was sad that they'd never get to see the preacher and his wife's face when they said that one of their daughters was gay. they'd often make jokes about how if ellie was a l/n she would have been disowned by now, ellie thanked the moon and stars that joel miller couldn't care less about jesus. the sound of a door opening from downstairs caused the girls to freeze. "shit!"

"ashley!" ellie complained as they both jumped up, slamming the windows open and doing everything in their will to get the goddamn smell out. "you said they had church duty until eight." if mr or mrs. l/n found ashley and ellie smoking weed in their house, there was absolutely no telling how bad this would go.

"they do!" she argued, pulling her sleeve down her arm so she could wipe away the condensation from the window. ellie pushed imaginary air out the window as if it were doing anything. they were still much too high for any of this. it was what hotboxing did to you. filling the room with smoke so you could get even more high, now thinking about it, it was sort of a stupid idea. the sound of footsteps growing nearer caused the girl's heart rate to speed up by a thousand. "shit, shit, shit."

the door knob twisted and ellie and ashley plopped onto the bed, ashley with the joint behind her back. "ash, do you ha-" you stopped mid sentence, mid opening the door, mid walking right in. your face cringed. "what's that smell?" not bothering to ask your sister before picking up her can of vanilla air freshener in which you had gifted her after stating her room had smelled as though she let a skunk inside a couple of weeks ago.

the girls sighed, deflating in relaxation as ashley pulled the joint out from behind her back. "weed." taking a drag of it to ease her previous nerves.

"oh." you tilted your head, watching the two girls sitting on the bed. ashley passed the joint to ellie who instantly took a drag. their hair was dishevelled and tousled, both their hoodies discarded and eyes red as ever, pupils blown large. "is that why you look like you're crying?" ashley nodded. "oh."

ellie took a long drag from the joint, looking your frame up and down. you were dressed in a summers dress, her favourite, it was white with little lilac flowers littered around the fabric, a woollen purple cardigan hanging over your frame too. her eyes moved down to your thighs, you seemed to notice and did something that made ellie almost groan. you squeezed them together, clearing your throat. instead, she smirked, poor baby, you didn't even know what was wrong. ellie knew the feeling well, it was the same feeling that left her in her bedroom on many nights with her hand between her legs, the image of you caught in her mind.

"thought you were at church with mom and dad." the church had a thousand events for the community a week and you were always there but this time, you shook your head.

"me, ruth and maxine went to the movies." you moved so you could open up your sisters wardrobe, she made no attempt to argue.

"ruth and maxine? those girls you were talking to in school?" you nodded, picking at her unfolded clothes. ruth and maxine were two known lesbians, it was a wonder how your parents let you hang out with them, there was only one solution to the question, they didn't know.

"whatcha lookin' for, sweetheart?" passing the joint to ashley. the girl was used to ellie's nicknames for you, she learned to tune herself out. ellie leaned forward, elbows to her knees to crane her neck in attempts to glance into the wardrobe. half the clothing were her own, she may be some use, she may not.

your cheeks reddened at the petname. "ash took my yellow shirt." sending a playful glare towards her sister who simply blew smoke out, rolling her eyes. ellie assumed it was the one you adored more than anything, tight short sleeved light yellow and always clinging to your body. yeah, ellie couldn't forget something that looked that good on you.

"i know how you feel, ashley's always stealing my clothes too." an accusing glare being sent her way.

ashley threw her hands in the air. "why are we hating on me right now?" ellie sent you a glance with brows raised that had a small giggle falling from your lips. "and y/n/n i'm pretty sure i left it at sofia's house." you turned to give her an unamused look. "i'll get it back, promise."

you nodded and began picking up the few articles of clothing you had left drop. you folded them before adding them on top because unlike your sister, you wanted her room to be clean. you picked up one of the larger shirts and flipped it around. "this is so cool!" it was a dark grey shirt that looked much too big to fit you and had a skeleton design to make it look as though someone was looking inside your chest and stomach.

ellie turned her head up to look at it. "oh, that's mine." she stated, realising that it was her shirt that she had left too many sleepovers ago. she bit down on her bottom lip watching the way you seemed in awe of her clothing. "you can have it."

your eyes went wide, biting down on your bottom lip. "oh, no i can't take it." suddenly feeling a little embarrassed, you didn't wish to steal her clothing.

"no, seriously, ashley takes my clothes all the time." again, ashley rolled her eyes. "seriously, i don't wear it anymore." truth be told, she couldn't remember the last time she had even seen that shirt.

"are— are you sure?" you mumbled behind the fabric. you really did like the shirt.

ellie didn't stay over that night, joel had stated that he wanted another movie night and who was she to refuse? however, she did decide that the next night would certainly be spent at the l/n household. joel approved, somewhat. he had met ashley a too many times to count and he truly did like her, he thought that she and ashley were very alike and he liked that. he didn't care for the l/n family, not the mother and father at least, he had heard many stories of what they were like from ashley and that was certainly enough to keep him away. however, on the times that he went to gatherings or even mass like on christmas, when he felt obliged to, he saw you, y/n l/n and every time he questioned ellie why she didn't bring you over to the house. she always stated that you guys simply 'weren't like that' but your excited grin and wave when she entered the church spoke something else.

she brought her hand up to the white door, knocking softly while kicking around dust with her shoe. she always covered her tattoo at your house, it was one thing to get a tattoo at sixteen in front of joe miller who really couldn't care less but even at her age now, she wouldn't be caught dead showing it to your parents, she knew how much they disliked her already.

the door swung open to reveal a distressed looking ashley. "oh, thank god you're here." practically pulling ellie in the door, she made a noise of complaint at the abruptness. "this house is officially fucking scaring me."

ellie bent down slightly to her friend. "what's going on?" whispering, seeing as she had noticed how ashley had done the same.

"mom and dad have finally lost it, that's what going on." she stopped ellie in front of the stairs, where they could barely peek into the living room where the whole scene was unfolding.

"but that's not fair!" you were sat on the couch, your parents standing tall in front of you, intimidating you. your eyes rung red, lashes wet and cheeks tear stained. "t-they're my friends!" blubbering out through your feeble cries. ellie's brows furrowed and her eyes softened at the sight of you so upset. you were a bubbly girl, always obliging to everything and here you were feebly trying to defend whatever you were working against, it seemed to be failing tremendously.

"you have never spoken back to us like this." your father stated in a disappointed tone that made your gut twist. "whether you can see it or not, these 'friends' are changing you. they're a bad influence!" you scoffed, turning your face away from them as you roughly wiped your tear stained cheeks. you felt pathetic, crying in front of them and for something so utterly stupid. ellie watched with a sad frown etched to her face watching as you sunk into the couch, you looked so... small.

"don't give us that attitude!" your mother yelled upon seeing you scoff.

you gave them desperate, pleading eyes. "i didn't say anything." voice breaking as if you finally began to give up, you always did with your parents.

"do you know how much your father does for you?" your mother was not as tall as your father but certainly just as scary. "and for you to throw it away like that! do you know what would have happened if someone saw you there?!" she was getting in your face, much too close for a parent.

ashley tugged on ellie's arm, leading her up the stairs while ellie's eyes stayed strained on you until you were finally out of view. "they were driving through town today." ellie nodded, listening to every word hanging from ashley's lips. "and they ran into y/n with her new friends, ruth and maxine."

ellie's brows furrowed in confusion. "i thought your parents were okay with them."

"yeah they were." she opened the door to her bedroom. "until they found out they were gay." ellie's look went cold. they didn't know she herself was gay but that didn't matter because ashley had tarnished the name already, they wouldn't care if she was friends with ellie, it was simply the fact that it was y/n l/n their precious bead and they simply couldn't afford another 'screw up'.

ellie bit down on her bottom lip, cracking her knuckles. "what fucking tools." her brows were tied together, a burning feeling buried inside her chest. "should we say something?" as if your parents would ever hear the girl out.

ashley simply shook her head. "would just make it worse. for us and for her." ellie nodded her head despite the way she bit down on her bottom lip, taking a seat on the bed. "look, don't worry about it, ellie." she took a seat next to her friend. "the worst they can do is kick her into the bedroom and make her pray herself to sleep." a small chuckle falling from her lips, she knew her sister and her parents well, yes, they were hard on her but they'd never do anything to hurt her. "she'll be okay." ellie nodded once more, sitting herself back on the pillows and flicking through the dvd's in which ashley had left out on the bed, ready to pick one. it seemed as though the girl was contemplating something but ellie paid no mind. maybe she should have, she may have been able to prevent the next words that tumbled from her lips. "seriously though, ellie, you gotta get over this crush." ellie's hands froze.

with wide eyes, she looked up at her best friend. "what? i don't—"

ashley cut her off. "ellie, i know." and the simple sentence was enough to send ellie's thoughts into a spiral. "and it's okay it's just—you saw how my mom and dad were because she had gay friends... and you know y/n doesn't like to upset daddy dearest."

the older girl sighed, defeated. "are you mad?"

ashley almost laughed. "mad?" grinning as she shook her head. "on the contrary, i'm rooting for you."

that night ellie didn't sleep much, worry-filled thoughts swarming her mind. it was rare that ellie williams found herself awake, nevermind at the l/n house at this kind of hour. she couldn't help it, the way her mind so easily floated back to you. the way your teary eyes gazed up at your parents, she felt so bad. guilt consumed her and yet she had nothing to feel guilty for. she wondered how a little lust that day she had met you in the church, looking pretty in a red dress had gotten her here, losing sleep over wondering if you were okay. you were the family favourite, you did everything right and it was for them. ellie couldn't shake the thought of your pretty eyes filled with tears or the way your lips turned darker due to the crying, red raw from the way you had gnawed on it so hard, attempting to block out your own parents voices. ellie couldn't remember when the shouting stopped that night but ashley did everything she could to block it out, playing music, talking extra loud, even going as far as laughing madly at one of ellie's jokes that wasn't even funny. ashley was your sister, certainly she felt some sort of sympathy for you. and she did, for she knew that when these things happened she couldn't intervene, she had before and it was safe to say that things didn't end well for either of you. so she blocked the majority of everything out. ellie sighed and sat up in the double king sized bed. she looked down at ashley. "ashley. ash." pushing her frame around to wake her, all she got was a groan and a swat on the hand. ashley turned around, plopping herself back on the bed and snoring rather loudly, ellie fought very hard not to roll her eyes to the back of her head. there was simply no way she was getting any sleep yet, so she took it upon herself to get out of the bed, there was no luck by staring up at the ceiling and drowning in her own thought consuming mind.

she turned and hung her feet off the side of the bed, pulling on her grey socks so her feet could hit the floor calmly.

ellie scratched at the back of her neck as she walked down the stairs as quietly as humanly possible. she needed some water, then she'd go back to bed, she promised herself that much after all it would be her that was shook awake before nine in the morning.

stepping into the kitchen, the girl momentarily froze at the sight of you, sipping on water as you leaned against the counter. you too froze, eyes blown wide. when did ellie get here? had she been listening the whole time? suddenly, you went red with embarrassment at the thought of ellie listening to you fight with your parents, crying and yelling. "ellie— hi."

"hey, baby." you ignored the way your stomach twisted and your heart jumped not one but two paces. ellie ignored the way her own did the very same as she saw you dressed in her, now your, shirt with only the smallest of baby pink shorts to accompany it, so small that ellie wouldn't have noticed it if not for the obvious contrast in colors between it and the shirt. "can't sleep?" you shook your head, sipping on the glass of water while ellie got her own, filling it from the faucet. you ignored the silence aside from water splashing into the clear cup, ellie ignored the way her eyes flickered towards your pretty silver cross still sitting idly on your chest. ellie knew she shouldn't ask but surprise surprise her lips parted anyway. "ashley told me why you were fighting." you bit down on your bottom lip. "you okay?"

"yeah, i just—" you could feel yourself getting emotional again already. god, y/n, pull yourself together. "i don't know how to tell ruth and maxine that i'm not allowed to talk to them anymore." looking down at your white socks.

"you're not allowed to talk to them at all?" shaking your head, you shuffled your feet around. "because they're gay?" you looked up in slight shock by how easily the word came out in such a casual tone. you weren't even permitted to whisper the word as it was.

clearing your throat, you shook away your slight shock. "yeah and—and i think it's stupid." furrowing your brows together. ellie hadn't heard you state your opinion loud enough before, or at all really, you went along with everything your parents said as to not upset them, doing the very same with your sister, she listened silently. "because they can have their own beliefs, i don't care it's just—they're my friends. and i don't care that they're gay because it doesn't change anything. and i liked having gay friends because they..." they understood you. you stopped mid sentence, eyes wide at what you were almost ready to admit. your eyes snapped towards ellie who was watching you, her glass of water now abandoned on the counter as she waited patiently for you to finish your sentence. "I'm sorry, i don't know why i said all that." suddenly you wished you were inside your bedroom, being sucked into your bed sheets, yeah, that sounded pretty nice right about now. "i'm sorry, i have to go to bed."

and you tried to escape and almost did if it weren't for the hand that instantly caught your arm. you could see ellie's tattoo now that she was in a tank top, her hand was much larger than your arm, it bound around it easily. "they what?" her eyes pleaded for you to continue.

"ellie..." your eyes moved to the top of her hair, she was so much taller than you, they gazed into her own jade pair of irises, then they moved across her flush cheeks dusted with freckles, along the slope of her nose and finally, they rested on her pink lips. "you know." she did, she always did.

"spell it out for me, angel." you took a step back, she took a step forward, you remembered hitting your back against the counter, stumping you from moving at all.

"you— you can't call me those names anymore, ellie." mumbling as your eyes never stopped their light tracing against her lips.

"why?" whisper so gentle that you almost didn't hear her but you could, very clearly when she was so close, lips so close.

"ellie." almost a warning. "I can't." her face was getting closer, yours was growing hotter, pink dusted your cheeks and your lips almost chased her face. you had never kissed anyone before. that was what she was trying to do wasn't it?

"you can't?" dipping her head down so her face met yours. she didn't stop there. "or you won't?" as her hot breath hit your neck, you sucked in a breath.

"i— i think you should go." but you didn't want her to go, you really didn't want her to go.

"you wan't me here?" as a wet kiss came down to the skin of your neck, you gasped out, blinking. this was a dream, it had to be. you felt almost euphoric as her lips flattened against the crook of your neck, the way they kissed you so delicately as if you were made of glass. she moved her head back up almost instantly, as if her own actions weren't affecting her. her lips brushed against your own, so closely that you could taste her. "or here?"

you weren't proud of what you did next.

main masterlist/ellie's masterlist

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mononijikayu · 6 months ago

Text

good luck, babe! — ieiri shoko.

Tears well up in your eyes as you recall that particular day. It was as though you were both bathed in sunlight, her brown eyes shimmering with happiness. But as you both confronted the reality of a future you could not share, tears poured from those beautiful eyes. There was only hurt—a hurt you had forced upon her. Her hands, strong yet gentle, had held yours with a desperate sorrow, promising a love that could not be confined by the world’s expectations, yet ultimately falling victim to them.

Genre: Hidden Inventory Arc to Pre-JJK 0, 2006 - 2015;

Warning/s: First Love, Emotional Turmoil, Breakup, Heartbreak, Angst, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Mature Themes, Cultural/Familial Expectations, Internal Conflict, Cultural Challenges, Mental and Emotional Stress, Angst with Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Romance, Love and Heartbreak, Healing, Growth, Reconciliation, WLW, Second Chances, Relationship Dynamics, Supportive Siblings, Breaking Traditions, Depiction of Implied Homophobia, Depiction of Comphet, Depiction of Smoking, Depiction of Alcohol Use, Mention of Divorce;

masterlist

listen: good luck babe by chappell roan

note: this is the au of let you break my heart again and magnetic. this is if gojo! sister lived and managed to not suffer from a curse. i think this happy ending is well deserved for the two of them. live long and prosper, shoko and gojo! sister!!! :']

2007

SHOKO THINKS IT’S FINE, THAT IT’S COOL. But as she takes another swing from lip and cigarette, to smoke and blow, she knows it's not fine, it's not cool. In the quiet confines of her office, Ieiri Shoko sat hunched over her desk, her usual composed demeanor replaced by a visible layer of distress. Papers lay scattered around, untouched, as her mind replayed the painful moment of your breakup over and over again. The clinical cleanliness of the room couldn't sterilize the heartache she felt. The memory of your words, the finality in your voice, pressed heavily on her, and yet, deep down, she understood the reasons but couldn't accept them.

Shoko had always known the weight of the expectations placed upon you as being Gojo Satoru's sister and a high-ranking lady of your clan. You had always lived in a world bounded by strict traditions and rigid rules—constraints that you, unlike Satoru, never rebelled against openly. Your compliance with these traditions was out of a sense of duty, perhaps even a desire to shield your family from scandal of Satoru’s dislike for tradition, and to maintain the facade of propriety expected of you.

It’s not like Shoko blames Satoru. He himself deals with the pressure of existing just by having his cursed technique. He’s stuck in a hard and a rock place with clan politics and just as much, loving Suguru and mourning his loss from his life — how he’s still protecting him even after all this time, There’s so much that the higher ups think they don’t like about him. You didn’t have to break up with Shoko about it. You can have a choice about it, as Satoru has. But you were too good, a goodie little two shoes. You felt like you had to make up for the mistakes, to correct yourself because the clan says so. And Shoko hates it, she hates that about you. But she hates how she can’t hate you. She hates how much she loves you.

For you, loving Shoko was a truth you buried deep under layers of obligation and appearances. Each stolen moment with her had felt like a breath of freedom, but also like stepping closer to the edge of a precipice. You knew the consequences of a life lived openly with her, how it would be seen as a defiance of your family’s values, a betrayal of the lineage you were born into. The love you felt for Shoko was real, potent, and transformative, but it was also a danger to the life you were conditioned to lead.

Shoko, with her sharp mind and gentle heart, had seen the struggle within you. She knew the love wasn’t one-sided; it was palpable, vibrant, and life-affirming. That was what made the break–up so excruciating. She didn’t feel like a fool for loving you, but she was a fool for hoping that love would overcome it all. She was hoping that love might be enough to inspire you to choose a different path. And somehow, with that hope, she just ended up disappointed.

The moment lingered between you, heavy and dense, the air thick with unsaid words and stifled emotions. Despite the pain that was evident in your eyes—a mixture of regret and sorrow—there was an undeniable firmness, a resolve that spoke volumes about the decision you had made. It was a painful choice, undeniably, but it came from a place deep within you, where truth outweighs comfort and where integrity demands sacrifices.

You stood there, your stance solid yet somber, reflecting the inner turmoil that had been a constant companion in the days leading up to this moment. The decision to end things hadn't come lightly. It was the culmination of countless sleepless nights, of endless internal debates, and of painful reflections on what it meant to truly love someone—not just in the joyful moments but also in letting go when the paths diverged too greatly.

As you spoke the words, your voice was steady but not without emotion. Each syllable seemed to carry a weight, each pause filled with the echoes of shared memories and dreams that would remain unfulfilled. "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do," you admitted, the honesty in your voice cutting through the tension. "But it's necessary—for both of us.”

“Does what I have to say matter in this?” Shoko asks, her voice shaking as she looks at you, her face the epitome of grief. The break–up hasn’t even happened. And yet, she just felt like the world fell apart. “How…why? At least tell me why?”

“I can’t do this, Shoko. It isn’t just about us,” you had said, your voice trembling despite the firmness of your words. “I have responsibilities, expectations... I cannot be truly yours without losing everything else.”

Shoko had tried to argue, her own heart breaking as she spoke. “But what about what you want? What about love? I thought you loved me.”

You felt tears prickle your eyes. “I do. I do love you.”

“Then why are you leaving me?”

Your answer had been a quiet, devastating whisper. “Sometimes, it's not enough to just love. I’m not good enough to be strong, Shoko. I….I’m sorry.”

She huffs the air as though she was choking on it. Shoko starts laughing like a mad woman, which only made you feel as though tears would never end. Shaking her head at you, you looked at her almost pleadingly, as though to say, ‘please, i love you. I’m sorry.’ It was cruel of you, Shoko thinks, how you could easily pull her heart strings with your tears. Oh she hates it. She hates how she loves you.

“Then, good luck babe.” She retorts back at you, as though she was cursing you. As if she was releasing all the pain in one tsunami wave. “Really, good luck. Good luck. Good luck.”

“Shoko—”

She shakes her head again, raising a hand to stop you. “Leave. Please. I don’t want you here.”

Now, alone, Shoko allowed herself to grieve not just for the relationship lost, but for you as well. She grieved for the person who had to hide their true self, who had to mask their desires and dreams in the shadow of duty. She grieved for herself, too, for the future she had allowed herself to imagine, however briefly.

In her solitude, Shoko couldn't help but feel abandoned, yet she couldn’t truly resent you for your choice. She understood all too well the cultural and familial shackles that bound you. This understanding didn’t alleviate her pain; it compounded it, knowing you were out there somewhere, continuing to deny the essential parts of yourself.

As the night deepened and the lights in her office flickered softly, Shoko realized this might be her own crossroads: could she move on, knowing you were still in the world, just out of reach, yet forever distant? Her heart still ached with love for you, a love she feared might never find its resolution in her lifetime.

The door to Shoko Ieiri's office swung open with a soft creak, and there stood Satoru Gojo, his usual carefree demeanor slightly muted as he stepped inside. His arrival was unannounced, as was his style, but the timing couldn't have been more intrusive. Shoko, still engulfed in her storm of emotions, looked up sharply, her face a mix of surprise and annoyance.

"Not now, Gojo," she snapped, her voice brittle with barely contained anger. "I'm really not in the mood for your jokes or whatever you're planning to pull."

Gojo seemed to understand easily. For the first time in his life, he closed the door quietly behind him, his usual grin replaced by a more serious expression. He hadn’t looked this serious since that day. But Shoko thinks it doesn’t suit him. He was meant to be a foolish little boy in a grown man’s body. He ignored her request for solitude and instead, walked over and sat down across from her, with his long legs criss–crossed and his bright blue eyes meeting hers with an unusually heavy gravity. Shoko can only surmise that infinity is closed.

"I'm not here to joke, Sho," He said gently as he looked at her. "I heard about what happened between you and my sister. It’s just….. I'm really sorry."

Shoko's demeanor faltered for a moment, the hardness in her doe-like eyes giving way to a more wounded vulnerability. She looked down at her desk, her fingers playing with a pen, her guard slowly coming down in the face of Gojo's sincerity—a rarity that she knew meant he was genuinely concerned. She’s tried not to think about it. It was hard to think about it. But now that he’d brought it up, all she could remember was your tear–stricken face as you tried to turn around and run away, sobbing as you left her all alone.

"Sorry doesn't change things, Gojo. It doesn’t fix anything," she muttered, her voice thick with emotion. “She still broke up with me. And now she’s damn…she’s left me, to uphold some bullshit lie about herself."

"I know," Gojo replied softly, sighing shortly after. Shoko thinks that Gojo understands best. After all, the love of his life left him too. And he doesn't know if he'll ever see him again. "Listen, she's hurting too. and I just..."

Shoko sighed heavily, allowing herself to meet his gaze. "I know she's hurting. But I’m hurting too, okay? She’s hurt me. She's keeping up with the lie she's been told, that loving me is going to be a taint on you and your family."

“I know. And it's not your fault. It’s none of your fault. It’s….” He lets a breath pass through his lips. “It’s just, she hasn’t seen it through yet.”

"Gojo, I just feel like a fool," She admitted, her voice a whisper of defeat. "I allowed myself to believe that things could be different, that love might be enough to overcome everything else. I love her so damn much, Gojo. I love her too much, I’m willing to go through this. But I should have known better."

Gojo leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Hey, you're not a fool for believing in love and hoping it would work out" he said earnestly. "It's one of the few things worth being foolish for. And you’re not alone in hoping things can change. I think…I think she wishes things would change too.”

Shoko looked away for a moment, gathering her thoughts. When she spoke again, her voice was steadier, but the hurt was still palpable. "It's like we're being punished for something that should be celebrated. Our love wasn't a rebellion, Gojo. It was just... love."

Gojo's eyes held a deep understanding, tinged with a hint of sadness. He knew too well the pain that came with having love tangled grievous prejudice. His response was a whisper, meant as much for himself as for Shoko. "The world can be cruel to those who dare to live authentically, who dare to defy what it deems normal."

Shoko's eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over. The intensity of her feelings, the struggle to maintain her composure, painted a vivid picture of the emotional toll the situation had exacted. "Why is it," she choked out, the words barely a breath, "that what feels so right to us, so fundamentally pure, is what they seek to destroy? Why must love come with such high costs?"

Gojo reached out, his touch tentative, not wanting to presume but needing to offer some comfort. His hand found her arm, a gentle reassurance that she was not alone. "Because, Sho," he said softly, "Fear drives people to oppression. They fear what they cannot understand, cannot control. And nothing is less controllable than genuine human emotions, genuine love. It threatens them. It’s that powerful.”

Shoko turned to face him now, her gaze fierce despite the tears that streaked her cheeks. "And what if she can't see that, Gojo? What if she's too caught up in the fear, too wary of the repercussions to take a stand with me?"

The question hung between them, heavy and suffocating. Gojo Satoru felt the weight of her despair, mirroring his own past hurts, reflecting the battles he had fought to keep love winning—some won, some lost, but all leaving scars. But he hoped that Shoko wouldn’t give up. That you wouldn’t give up. He’d at least be happy to know that both of you got the happy ending that Suguru and him would never find in this lifetime. He gives a small smile at her direction.

"Then, Shoko," Gojo said, his voice steady despite the turmoil he felt, "You fight enough for both of you until she can find the strength. You live your truth so boldly, so unapologetically, that it becomes a beacon for her... for anyone who’s lost in the shadows of their fears. You become the light that not only guides but also inspires."

"But what if that's not enough?" Shoko's voice broke on the words, a whisper of desperation lacing through. "What if my fight only drives her further away, into the safety of shadows, where I can't reach her?"

Gojo had no easy answers, no promises that the path they chose would lead to the outcomes they hoped for. "Then you love her from afar," he murmured, his own experiences lending pain to his words. "You love her, and you let her go, hoping that someday, the world you're fighting for—a world where love is celebrated in all its forms—will be the world she walks back into."

The silence that followed was filled with shared sorrow, a mutual recognition of the love and loss that had colored both their lives. Shoko nodded slowly, a quiet acceptance of the hard truths they'd laid bare. She wiped away her tears, straightening her shoulders as if physically bracing herself against the pain.

"Thank you, Gojo," she said finally, her voice firmer now, tempered in the fires of their conversation. "For understanding, for being here."

Gojo offered a small, sad smile. "Always, Sho. You’re almost like family — no, you’re family to me. No matter how dark it gets, you're not alone. Remember that."

As they parted ways, the resolve hardened in Shoko—a resolve not just to fight, but to endure, to hope, and to continue loving, no matter the cost. And in that resolve, she found a sliver of peace amid the turmoil.

As long as you’ll be waiting for her on the other side,

It would be worth it, being in all this pain and grief.

Shoko thinks about your smile, your kisses on her skin.

Maybe one day, she’ll see you in her arms again.

2013

YOU DON’T SLEEP VERY WELL. You fear that you’d sleep and see Shoko again. You fear that you’ll continue to be haunted. But you suppose, you already have too much that haunts you when it comes to Ieiri Shoko. Her judging eyes, the eyes you have so loved, piercing through over and over the lies behind your eyes — it hurts. It scares you. Because you had loved, still do love, her. And she continues to be your grief. A grief that perseveres in absolute devotion within the tenants of your truest heart.

In the quiet of the night, the world around you is silent and still, you find yourself once again caught in the grip of what-ifs and memories that refuse to fade. You turn slowly, your gaze falling upon the man beside you—your husband, chosen not by the whims of the heart but by the cold calculations of tradition. He breathes softly, peacefully unaware of the turmoil that keeps you awake, night after night.

He has been nothing but kind and considerate, a good man who respects the vows you both shared under the watchful eyes of the elders and your families. Satoru seems to like him enough, but your brother knows just as much as you that you wouldn’t love this man. And if you do, never truly with all your heart. Still, in these many years of marriage, he has upheld every promise he made to you, providing support, stability, and respect. Yet, as you watch him sleep, you feel a pang of guilt for the lack of love you feel, for the hollow space inside your heart that he has never been able to fill.

Your mind drifts, unbidden, to Ieiri Shoko—the love of your life, the blue spring of your eternal summers, your white nights in the winter mornings. It was her laughter echoing in your memories, her eyes bright with the promise of a life less ordinary. You remember the warmth of her touch, the way her presence seemed to make everything brighter, more real. You had loved her, truly and deeply, in a way that you had never managed to love him. She was everything that made life worth living. And you get reminded as you think about a memory.

The balcony was bathed in the soft glow of twilight, the fading sun casting long shadows that danced across the floor. Shoko stood against the railing, her silhouette outlined by the gentle light, a lit cigarette held casually between her fingers. As you entered the room, your gaze fixed on her, a subtle frown forming on your brow as you watched her with a mixture of concern and affection.

"Shoko, you know I hate that you smoke," you finally spoke up, your voice soft yet filled with genuine worry.

She turned to face you, her eyes meeting yours with a playful glint, a thin wisp of smoke curling upwards from her lips. Despite the seriousness of your words, her expression held a hint of amusement, as though she anticipated your next move. "And what, my dear, do you plan to do about it?" she replied, her tone teasing, a challenge in her voice.

Closing the distance between you, you reached out and gently took the cigarette from her hand, extinguishing it in the nearby ashtray with a simple flick of your wrist. The tension between you crackled in the air, charged with unspoken emotion and the weight of unspoken desires.

"I have a few ideas," you murmured, your voice low, filled with a mixture of determination and longing.

Without hesitation, you leaned in, capturing her lips with yours in a kiss that spoke volumes, a silent declaration of your feelings. In that moment, the world fell away, leaving only the two of you, lost in the intensity of your shared passion. Shoko responded eagerly, her arms wrapping around your neck, pulling you closer as she melted into your embrace.

When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, the air heavy with the heady rush of desire. Shoko's eyes sparkled with surprise and delight, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. "I love this idea," she laughed, her voice husky from the kiss.

Your heart swelled with hope and affection, a warmth spreading through you at her words. "Maybe we can make it a regular treatment," you suggested, a hint of playfulness in your tone.

"Sounds like the perfect remedy," Shoko agreed, her smile infectious as she leaned in for another quick kiss. As she whispered against your lips, her words carried a promise of a future filled with love and possibility. "Who needs cigarettes when I have you?"

Sitting up in bed, you stifle a sob with the back of your hand. The weight of your choices presses down on you, a burden you’ve carried through the years, growing heavier with each passing day. You had chosen this life, chosen duty and tradition over the desires of your heart, and with each choice, a piece of you had withered, lost to the shadows of regret.

You look at your husband again, his face innocent in sleep, undeserving of the resentment that sometimes brews within you. You know this is not his fault—it is the result of decisions made by others, choices rooted in outdated customs and rigid family expectations. But knowing this does nothing to ease the longing in your heart, the yearning for a path not taken, for a life lived in the full color of love rather than the grayscale of obligation.

Quietly, you slip out of bed, moving to the window where moonlight spills into the room, casting long shadows across the floor. As you gaze out at the world bathed in a silvery glow, you wonder about the life you might have had with Shoko. Would it have been easier? Would the love you shared have been enough to overcome the challenges you would have faced together?

But these questions offer no comfort, only a deepening of the ache that sits permanently in your chest. In this life, you are a wife, a role defined by others, your identity shaped by expectations you never asked for. In your heart, you mourn the woman you could have been, the life you could have led.

As the night deepens, you stand alone, lost in your thoughts, the silence of the house echoing the emptiness you feel inside. The realization that regret has become your constant companion is bitter, and you know that come morning, you will wear your mask again, the façade of the contented wife. But in the darkness, you allow yourself to grieve, to mourn a love lost to time and tradition, a reminder of all that could have been.

As you wandered through the dimly lit streets, your footsteps unsteady and your vision blurred, the city seemed to mirror your inner turmoil. The night was quiet, too quiet, and every soft echo of distant traffic or the rare passersby felt like an intrusion into your private world of sorrow. The weight of your decisions, the weight of a life lived in the shadow of what could have been, pressed down on you with every step you took.

The cold air bit at your skin, a sharp contrast to the warmth of tears that streamed down your face, but it was a sobering reminder of the reality you were living. The whiskey had promised escape, a brief respite from your pain, but it had betrayed you, leaving you more exposed, more raw than before. The stark truth was unavoidable now: no amount of alcohol could fill the void left by Shoko, could smother the flames of what you still felt for her.

You paused under a streetlight, the light flickering above you as if struggling to maintain its own existence. You leaned against the cool metal of the lamppost, feeling as though it was the only thing keeping you upright. Thoughts of Shoko swirled in your head—her smile, the sound of her laughter, the way she looked at you with so much love and understanding. It hurt, remembering her like this, as though she was just out of reach, separated from you by more than just time and decisions, but by the very course of life you had chosen.

The voice in your head, her voice whispering, "I told you so," wasn't one of condemnation but of a heartbreaking foresight. She had known, perhaps even before you had allowed yourself to admit it, that the path you were choosing would lead to regret. Shoko had always seen the parts of you that you had tried to hide from the world, the parts that yearned for freedom and authenticity.

And now, standing alone under the flickering light, you allowed yourself to truly feel the magnitude of your loss. Not just Shoko, but the part of yourself that you had silenced for the sake of conformity, for the sake of a peace that now tasted bitter. You drive yourself mad at the memory of day after day of your youth together. You huffed against the cold night air as you thought about how lonely it has been, how truly upsetting it is that you chose wrong.

Eventually, you knew you had to move, had to keep walking back to the life waiting for you at home—a life that, tonight, felt like a prison. But with each step, a resolve began to form amidst the chaos of your emotions. This pain, this profound sorrow, could not be the end of your story. You couldn't allow your fears and the expectations of others to dictate the rest of your life. You owed it to yourself, and to the memory of what you and Shoko once shared, to find a way forward, to find happiness not just for your sake, but as a testament to the love that had once dared to challenge the world.

As you reached your door, a silent vow formed in your heart: you would find a way to live truly, to honor the love you still carried, and perhaps, one day, to heal. Tonight, you mourned. But tomorrow, you would begin to fight for a future where your heart no longer had to hide in the shadows.

You want to call Shoko tomorrow.

You want to hear her voice again.

You want to see her face again.

You want to love her better this time.

2014

IT WAS HARD TO HAVE A NEW START. After the tumultuous end of your marriage, returning to Tokyo felt both like a defeat and a fresh start. The ink barely dried on the divorce papers, you carried not just physical luggage but a heavy burden of emotional baggage. The dissolution of what was meant to be a lifelong commitment had left you feeling raw and exposed, but also strangely liberated, ready to reclaim the pieces of yourself that had been lost in the shadows of an unfulfilling union.

The Gojo clan, however, had its own views on your situation. Tradition and reputation were pillars of their standing in the jujutsu community, and your divorce was seen not just as a personal failure, but as a stain on the clan's honor. The elders' threats to expel you loomed large, casting a dark cloud over your return. But amidst the storm of disapproval and gossip, there was Satoru.

Satoru, with his unwavering loyalty and irreverent disdain for outdated conventions, stood by you like a beacon of support. When you voiced your fears about the elders' threats, he dismissed them with a wave of his hand and that confident smile that seemed capable of warding off any darkness.

The simplicity of Satoru's statement, "Happy together," carried with it a profound depth, echoing in the space between the two of you. It was a direct command, a plea, and a gentle piece of wisdom all at once. His eyes, usually so playful and mischievous, now bore the weight of genuine concern and a trace of personal regret, highlighting the seriousness of his intentions for you.

His words will always hit you with the force of a revelation. Satoru, despite his outward appearance of boundless confidence and joy, carried his own regrets—regrets about paths not taken, words not said, and choices made in the shadows of duty and expectation. His relationship with Suguru, whatever its depth and complications, had not led to the happiness that perhaps it could have, had circumstances been different.

In that moment, you understood that Satoru’s advice was not just about defying the elders or the clan. It was about seizing the chance for happiness that he, for all his power and freedom, felt he had missed. It was about living openly and without regrets, about choosing love over fear and societal expectations.

"Happy together," you repeated softly, the idea resonating deep within you. It was a simple concept, yet one that felt revolutionary given everything you had been through.

"Yes," Satoru confirmed, nodding emphatically. "You and Shoko have a chance to build something beautiful, something real. Don’t let fear or tradition stand in the way of that. Learn from our mistakes."

“Brother….” You whisper at your brother tenderly.

Seeing your hesitation, Satoru reached out, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "I know it's a lot to take in," he continued, his tone softening. "And I know you're worried about what fighting this battle might mean—not just for you, but for me as well. But you need to understand, I've been dealing with the clan's rigidness my whole life. I know how they think and how they operate."

He paused, ensuring he had your full attention. "What happened with Suguru... it taught me a lot. Life is too short, and the path of solitude and sacrifice for the wrong reasons—it's not worth it. I don't want you to look back one day, full of regrets, wishing you'd chosen differently."

The mention of Suguru brought a pang of sadness, a reminder of lost friendships and love that had once promised so much more. Satoru's voice was filled with a rare vulnerability as he shared these reflections, giving you a glimpse into the personal cost of his own experiences.

"And I don't want to see the clan's outdated prejudices destroy more lives, especially not the lives of people I care about," he added, his voice gaining strength. "You and Shoko have a chance at real happiness, a chance to live openly and love freely. That's what you should be fighting for, not the approval of some dusty old elders who cling to outdated traditions."

Your mind raced as you absorbed his words, the weight of your own fears battling with the burgeoning hope that Satoru's support ignited within you. It was daunting, the idea of standing up against the formidable structure of clan traditions and expectations. Yet, the thought of being with Shoko, of potentially creating a life filled with the kind of love and companionship you truly desired, offered a compelling counterpoint.

"Satoru, are you sure?" you finally asked, the concern clear in your voice. "Taking on the elders... it won’t be easy. They could retaliate."

Satoru smiled, a slight curve of his lips that carried both defiance and assurance. "Let them try," he said with a chuckle. "I’ve faced worse. And besides, it’s about time someone shook up the Gojo clan a bit. If not us, then who?"

His confidence was infectious, and despite the risks, you felt a surge of courage, bolstered by the support of someone who had become more than just a family member or a fellow sorcerer, but a true ally in your pursuit of happiness.

"Okay," you said, a newfound determination steadying your voice. "Let’s do this. For us, for Shoko, and for everyone else who’s ever been told they have to choose between love and tradition."

Satoru nodded, pleased. "That's the spirit. Now, go be happy. And remember, I've got your back."

With that assurance, you felt ready to face whatever challenges might come, knowing that whatever happened, you wouldn't be facing them alone. The path ahead was uncertain, possibly fraught with confrontation and challenges, but the promise of a life lived true to your heart made it a path worth taking.

As you walked through the familiar gates of Jujutsu High, your heart pounded with a mixture of anticipation and nervousness. The school grounds were bathed in the golden hues of the setting sun, casting long shadows and bathing everything in a soft, forgiving light. It had been years since you last set foot here, years filled with longing and regret, but today you carried a new sense of purpose.

You scanned the area, looking for any sign of Shoko. As you approached the faculty parking lot, you saw her. She was just about to get into her car, her back to you, unaware of your presence. You paused for a moment, just watching her. Time had changed her, just as it had changed you. She seemed more confident, more assured in her movements, yet there was still that unmistakable grace about her that had first drawn you in.

"Shoko!" you called out, unable to keep the emotion from coloring your voice.

At the sound of her name, she froze. Slowly, she turned around, and when her eyes met yours, they widened in disbelief. For a moment, she stood there, stunned, as if she truly had seen a ghost.

You took a few tentative steps toward her, your heart in your throat. "Shoko, it’s me," you said softly, almost afraid that any louder voice might shatter the fragile moment.

Shoko blinked, as if to clear her vision, before a myriad of emotions played across her face—surprise, confusion, and then, a dawning joy. "I can't believe it's really you," she managed to say, her voice a whisper.

As you closed the remaining distance, Shoko's initial shock softened into a vulnerable hesitance. Her eyes, once brimming with an uncomplicated joy whenever she saw you, now held a guarded wariness—a shield forged from the years of pain and separation. Yet, despite the shield, there was an unmistakable flicker of the old affection, a tug at her heart that she seemed to fight.

"I—how long has it been?" Shoko asked, her voice shaking slightly, betraying the turmoil inside her.

"Too long," you replied earnestly, stopping just a breath away from her. You could feel the warmth of her, so close yet still so far, held at bay by the invisible walls she had built around herself.

Shoko swallowed hard, her gaze dropping to the ground before forcing herself to meet your eyes again. "Why now? Why come back after all this time?" Her voice was a mix of hope and hurt, needing to understand your sudden reappearance, fearing the reopening of old wounds.

You reached out, your hand hovering in the air, hesitating before gently tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear—an intimate gesture that once would have been second nature. Now, it felt like a relearning of the language of her soul. "I realized something," you began, your voice thick with emotion.

She looks at your eyes, as though she was searching for life, for truth. “What was it?”

"I realized I've been living half a life without you. And no matter how hard I tried to move on, to forget, you were always there—in the back of my mind, in every quiet moment. I came back because I need to know if there's a chance, any chance at all, that we could be something again."

Shoko's breath hitched at your words, her defenses wavering as the earnestness in your voice called to her. "You left," she whispered, a single tear escaping down her cheek. "You left when I needed you most. How do I trust that you won’t do it again?"

The pain in her words stung, a harsh reminder of the consequences of your past choices. "I know I hurt you, more than I can ever make right," you admitted, your own voice cracking with regret. "But I'm here now, Shoko, and I’m not going anywhere. I want to make things right between us, no matter how long it takes. I'm not asking for immediate forgiveness or for everything to go back to how it was. I just want the chance to show you, every day, that I'm here for you."

Shoko looked at you, her eyes searching yours for the sincerity she so desperately needed to see. The conflict was palpable as she struggled between the safety of her guarded heart and the dangerous hope your return offered. Slowly, imperceptibly at first, she nodded, the smallest agreement, but enough to flood your heart with a tumult of relief and determination.

"Okay," she said, her voice barely a whisper, laden with cautious optimism. "We can try. Slowly."

Hearing those words, feeling the tentative acceptance in her tone, you knew the road ahead would be fraught with challenges. But as you stood there, under the fading light of the setting sun, with Shoko's tentative permission to re-enter her life, you felt ready to face those challenges. Whatever it took, however long it took, you were prepared to spend every day proving that the love that had once bound you together was worth fighting for—a second time around.

You searched her face, looking for signs of the love you once shared, hoping it wasn't too late. "I've missed you, Shoko. More than I can say. I've thought about you every day. About us. I left so much unsaid, so much undone..."

Shoko smiled, a gentle, forgiving smile that melted any remaining fears. "I've missed you too," she admitted. "It's been hard, but I always hoped... somehow, I always hoped you’d come back. That we’d get some happily ever after like those cheesy fairy tales, you know?”

“We can have that now,” You whisper to her in a soft tone, her eyes bearing against your own. “Our own happily ever after, like those cheesy fairy tales.”

“Then give it to me.” She laughs softly as you let your fingers trace her cheeks. “Give me that cheesy fairy tale. I’ve waited long enough for it.”

The sun dipped lower, casting a warm glow that enveloped you both, making the moment feel almost magical. "Can we start over?" you asked, heart pounding with hope. "Can we give us another chance?"

"Yes," Shoko answered without hesitation, her voice firm and sure. "Yes, we can start over. Whatever it takes, however long it takes. We're worth another chance. We’ve always been.”

You beamed at her, taking a breath as tears of joy poured. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too, you idiot.” She retorts back, tears of joy equally pouring.

As you stood there, holding each other in the fading light, the years of separation seemed to melt away, replaced by the promise of a new beginning. You knew there would be challenges ahead, but with Shoko by your side, you felt like you could face anything. This was your second chance—a chance to make things right, a chance to build a future together, founded not just on love, but on understanding, forgiveness, and renewed commitment. And this time, you were determined to make it last.

“Good luck to us, babe.”

You blushed at her words.

You reached out for her hands.

“Good luck to us, babe.”

She smiles and leans in towards you.

A new chapter finally begins together.

It was like blue summer all over again.

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marzipanandminutiae · 4 months ago

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Thoughts on the Hunger Games movies while I recover from oral surgery, as someone who read all of the books back in the late 00s-early 10s when they were first popular but never really fell in love with them or anything

some of these movies fall HARD into the trap of Dark Scenes Where You Can't Tell What's Going On

Oh well I guess someone is getting killed in this part of Catching Fire because I heard screaming and a canon, but damned if I can tell who or how

my thoughts on the continued use of conventionally feminine-coded aesthetics, activities, and general Vibes to represent decadence and evil are, as always, extremely active

why is decadence and evil always represented by artistic fashionistas who love elegant buildings and classical music? why is it never represented by hyper-masculine Elon Musk tech bro assholes who have home gyms and want all buildings to be High Capitalist featureless glass towers?

I mean I shouldn't be surprised; this goes back at least to the French Revolution and has roots in both misogyny and homophobia. and it's not like artistic fashionistas can't be evil and decadent obviously. but there's no single aesthetic with a monopoly on wasteful carelessness, and yet that one seems to always be the one filmmakers and authors pick

it's not like the Female Protagonists are even unfeminine to make up for it. they're just a more toned-down version of conventional feminine attractiveness and they show no evidence of enjoyment or working for it. yawn.

my solid Meh reaction to the Katniss/Peeta love story remains intact. least interesting part of the whole franchise IMO. I'm always surprised that it got so popular as to eclipse the actual plot in the eyes of fans- it's not even that good a love story! they're barely in love for so much of the narrative and then all of a sudden they're soulmates!

I love and have always loved the fact that the Rebels(TM) aren't morally pure or even necessarily that much less calculating than the Capitol in some ways. they're the better option, by a mile, for Panem. but they're also people on a mission who aren't above using their enemy's tactics to make that happen. they have to be stopped from starting up the same cycle of killing and revenge against the children of the Capitol, even. in the end, the only people you really come away liking are Katniss, her family, her allies, etc.

#thoughts #hunger games

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clarisse0o · 3 months ago

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Camp Wiegman-Part 40

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

TW : Homophobia

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Monday, January 18th; 7:50 AM - School Grounds.

Anxiety slowly takes over me. I’m about to meet my new class in a few minutes. Fortunately, I won’t be doing it alone. Both Leah and Lotte are accompanying me on this new adventure, thank God. I would have gone crazy otherwise. As if I hadn’t already had a disastrous night… Nothing is ever normal at home anyway. Everything always happens at once. My nightmares came back stronger than ever. I found myself drenched in sweat in my little bed at three in the morning. I was lucky not to have woken up Lucy. I was in a terrible state. I even had to get up and change. I think she noticed I wasn’t wearing the same pajamas this morning, but she didn’t ask me about it. She’s understood my need for space since her rejection. I don’t want to deal with her until I’ve sorted things out in my head. It’s painful, but I have to look at things positively... I’ve finally granted her wish to sleep in separate beds. Even though it worked against me last night, it’s also what I want now. It was a mistake to get used to being in her arms. I should have known better. I suddenly remembered why I keep my distance from people. But now it’s too late. Too late to regret what’s been done. The problem is, I’ve become dependent on her. That’s an undeniable fact. I found myself lying in bed staring at the ceiling, unable to fall back asleep. Her steady breathing calmed me, reminding me that I wasn’t alone, but I still couldn’t sleep. The realization that it was her, her presence against me, that I missed completely overwhelmed me. I had never reached this stage with anyone before, not even Mapi. Instead of swallowing my pride by waking her up or joining her, I locked myself in the bathroom and slid down to the floor. I was on the verge of breaking down, realizing the situation I was in. Everything hit me all at once, and I hadn’t seen it coming. I let her into my life, and now there’s no turning back. I could have cried out in sheer pain, but I didn’t. I held it in because I had no right to do otherwise. I put myself in this situation. The rest of the night gave me plenty of time to reflect with my tormented mind. I ended up spending the rest of the night on that floor until it was time to sneak back to my bed. I didn’t want Lucy to notice my suspicious absence. My plan worked, and it’s likely to be very effective next time. Though, I doubt my body can endure this for long. I’m already struggling now. I noticed dark circles in the mirror this morning, and my eyes sting. Lucy couldn’t see them. I rushed to the bathroom as soon as the alarm rang to cover my face with foundation.

“Relax, Ona,” Leah chuckles, pulling me out of my thoughts. “You’re acting like we’re going to a funeral. Your stress is palpable from miles away.”

“You’re funny,” I grumbled. “You both know everyone here, unlike me. It feels like I’m starting school all over again.”

“You weren’t even this tense when you first arrived here,” she mocks.

“I didn’t care about being here back then,” I say, shrugging. “Remember, I was looking for a way out.”

“Not anymore?” Lotte asks.

“Looks like things change.”

“Little Batlle is evolving!” Leah jokes. “I thought we’d finally get to see a rebel.”

“Pff, nonsense. Of course, Bronze managed to train her student again.”

That unknown voice was harsh. I look around to find the person who dared to listen in on our conversation. I spot a student I don’t know at all. She seems to be mocking me.

“Got a problem?” I reply.

“Me?” she answers, feigning outrage. “Not at all. I was just saying Bronze succeeded again in taming the camp princess.”

I furrow my brow. Camp princess? What kind of nonsense is this? How do the students know that nickname? An inexplicable rage builds up inside me. So this is what they think of me here? That I was a little rebel that Lucy managed to tame? If Alessia hadn’t had her hand on my arm, I would have grabbed her collar by now to make her regret her words.

“Let it go, Athenea,” scoffs a girl who just arrived. “The rumors about her must be true. She’s probably a lesbian who can’t resist the charms of our dear instructor.”

I clench my fists so tightly that my knuckles turn white as snow. This is really not the time to provoke me about that. I take a deep breath, telling myself they don’t know what they’re talking about, but that girl’s smug smile is infuriating. Looks like I’ve already found someone to despise in my new class.

“Let it go, Ona. Let them think what they want.”

I take Alessia’s advice and turn my back on those two troublemakers. I’m not going to stoop to their level by getting provoked. They’re just trying to irritate me, but I won’t give them that satisfaction. The best response is to ignore them. I was ready to continue our conversation until I felt a presence behind me.

“By the way, my name is Korbin,” she whispers in my ear. “You’re going to remember my name very quickly with all the trouble I’m going to cause you… filthy dyke.”

She walks past me, turning around to give me one last malicious smile before entering our classroom. Great. This couldn’t have started any better. She clearly doesn’t know who she’s messing with.

“We should go inside,” Alessia gently reminds me.

I nod without taking my eyes off the doors she just walked through.

“Are you okay?” she murmurs.

I sigh, nodding again while trying to hide my slight tremors. This is the first time I’ve experienced a direct homophobic remark. She pats my shoulder before I follow her into our new classroom. Most of the seats are already taken. Luckily, Leah and Lotte got in before us and saved us seats in the back. I sit next to Alessia, taking the spot by the window. I take out my supplies and put my bag on the floor, then lean against the wall to get a view of my new class. I quickly spot the infamous Korbin, who gives me a twisted smile. Looks like I’ll have to find out more about this girl.

“Good morning, everyone, to your new Business Management class,” my new teacher’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. “I’m Mr. Tompson, your new homeroom teacher for the rest of the year.”

I’m surprised to see a young teacher at the front of the class. He’s nothing like any teacher I’ve had before. I’d guess he’s in his early thirties at most. He has a certain charm with his slight beard and tousled chestnut hair.

“I’ll be your management teacher for the rest of the year. We’ll start off slowly by taking roll,” he continues as he heads to his desk. “Just so you know, I have notes on each of you from your previous teachers as well as instructors. This will help your new teachers and me to understand you quickly.”

Lucy didn’t mention anything about that… Damn. I’m going to be labeled right from the start. I wasn’t particularly liked by my previous teachers.

“Well, let’s get to roll call,” he says, sitting down. “I want to put faces to the names I’ve read about.”

I sink into my chair as he calls the first name on the list. I glance at Alessia, who smiles at me. I was disappointed not to be in the same class as Alexia for the rest of the year, but maybe this will give me a chance to get closer to others. It might be a blessing in disguise. Maybe I’ll be able to forget Lucy in the process. I furrow my brow when Alessia nudges me.

“ Batlle, Ona?”

“Sorry,” I say aloud, realizing what’s happening. “Here!”

I look my teacher straight in the eye. His are a very plain brown. He gives me a warm smile. I feel like he’s judging me in some way.

“So you’re the famous Ona I’ve heard so much about,” he says. “I have mixed opinions about you,” he tells me. “A lot of people seem to believe in you. Let’s see how that turns out.”

“She must have slept with Bronze to get positive remarks,” the bitch from earlier snickers.

“Shut up!” I snap without thinking.

I glare at her to emphasize my words. She just smiles at me maliciously. This girl is pure poison, it’s unreal. Many laugh at her stupid joke. I really didn’t need any more rumors about me on top of everything else.

“Hey, that’s enough!” the teacher shouts. “Quiet down,” he demands, silencing the class. “There’s no place for that kind of remark here, got it?! Next time, you’ll explain your inappropriate comments to the principal.”

“Oh, come on, I was just joking,” she giggles.

“Real funny,” I growl.

- "I said that's enough!" he lectures. "I’m going to finish taking attendance, and then we’ll start the lesson right away as a punishment."

Discontented sighs are heard. They better not even try to blame me. The entire class acted childishly. I rest my head against the palm of my hand until attendance is over. I feel like this day is going to be even longer than I expected. My lack of sleep isn’t helping, but it’s best if I don’t draw attention to myself on the first day. Once attendance is over, he follows through on his threat by starting the lesson. This day isn’t much different from other Mondays. My schedule is almost identical. It’s just the content that changes. Today we have two hours of management, then two hours of math. Since it’s the first day, the hours pass more quickly. The teachers take their time getting into the thick of things. We lost half an hour in each subject listening to their spiel and their attendance list, as they don’t know most of us. Finally, lunch arrives. I was chatting with Alessia on the way to the cafeteria until a brown-haired bundle jumps on me, making me lose the little balance I have. I catch her by the thighs to prevent us from falling to the ground.

- "Oh my Onita, I missed you so much!"

- "Alexia," I chuckle. "It was just a morning!"

- "That’s already way too long. I want to see my crazy friend in class!"

I laugh as she hugs me tighter. This position must look hilarious to the others. It’s exactly what I needed after this disastrous start to the day.

- "Putellas, get down immediately," a voice I know too well commands.

My roommate must still be traumatized by Lucy to have listened so quickly. I turn to see her with a stern expression on her face. I simply adjust my backpack properly, then turn on my heel towards the cafeteria with Alexia, who places her arm over my shoulders.

- "Is there any tension in the air with Bronze?" she asks hesitantly.

- "We’ll talk about it later," I reply simply. "How was your morning otherwise?"

- "Calm... Too calm," she sighs. "I really missed you. Plus, I’m with Alba now. I have to behave seriously."

- "Oh, don’t say that," I laugh. "I’m sure she’s not as serious as she pretends to be, little Alba."

- "Oh, not her... But she makes sure that I am."

- "Hey! I’m not that bad," replies Alba, who must have overheard us.

- "Prove us wrong then," I challenge her. "Let your sister live a little!"

- "Well, she lived with you! She only had comments about talking too much in her file."

- "Oh, they gave you your comments? We weren’t so lucky. They only said they couldn’t agree on me."

- "Not surprising," Alba mocks. "Do you have a good class?" she continues.

- "Eh. I have a bitch who’s taken me as a scapegoat."

- "What’s her name?"

- "Korbin, if I remember correctly."

- "Ouch..." she comments. "Avoid her as much as possible. She’s a pain."

- "I noticed. Do you know her? If so, you’ll need to tell me everything you know about her."

- "No problem," she smiles. "We’ll talk about it at the table."

She winks at me before moving forward in line. I realize this is the first sensible conversation I’ve had with Alba. I mean, I talk to everyone around the table, but never one-on-one. The only people who’ve had that privilege are Alexia and Leah. They were the only ones I focused on because I feel close to them. I regret not opening up more to others. I now understand what Mapi meant when she said I was so hooked on Lucy that I could barely talk about my friends. In reality, I gave her so much importance that I didn’t give the same to the other people around me. I think this distance will show me all the things I’ve been missing out on.

Monday, January 18; 5:00 PM - Classroom

I pack up my things as soon as the Alba rings. I absolutely hate my first classes. I just endured two hours of accounting, and I’d be lying if I said I understood anything. It’s a subject that bores me so much that I don’t wait for permission to start packing my bag. I’m the first one standing when the teacher gives the green light to leave.

“In a rush?” Alessia asks, holding me back.

“Uh, yeah. I need to see Wiegman about something personal. I’ll catch up with you in the common room when I’m done.”

“Didn’t you say you’d study in Bronze’ office after your classes?”

“Oh, right. I changed my mind. I’ll study with you guys, so you can help me with what I didn’t understand if that’s okay.”

“No, not at all. I’d be happy to.”

“Cool,” I say with a small smile. “See you later then.”

I quickly escape from that hellish classroom, heading straight to Wiegman’s office as I mentioned. I know the way perfectly, having been there several times already. I don’t hesitate to knock on the

door. I open it when I’m given permission to do so.

“Good aft-”

I stop in my tracks when I see not one, but two pairs of eyes staring at me.

“Well, hello, Ona. What brings you here?”

“I wanted to discuss something with you. I can come back later if I’m interrupting.”

“Don’t be silly, we were just finishing up,” she says. “Come sit next to your supervisor. It shouldn’t bother you to talk in front of her, right?”

She couldn’t have picked a worse time to be here. I must be cursed; there’s no other explanation. Having no other choice, I shake my head before closing the door behind me. I move as slowly as possible to the empty chair next to Lucy, placing my bag between my legs. My pulse quickens, and I can’t control it.

“What did you want to discuss?” she asks.

How did I end up in this situation? I should have left. The topic I want to discuss isn’t one I should address in front of Lucy. Anxiety takes over me. I lower my head to avoid facing them directly, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling their eyes on me. I shake my head briefly to regain my composure. Her presence should not influence my decision. I’ve had enough time to think it over during the night. I take a deep breath. I’m ready to defend my point if necessary.

“I want to go back to my room,” I blurt out like a bombshell.

With my eyes lowered, I can’t see their reactions. Judging by the silence that follows, I doubt it’s a good one. Surprise, maybe. I gather my courage and raise my head to indeed see that expression on their faces, at least on Wiegman’s.

“I’m feeling better,” I assert confidently. “I still have restless nights, but I’m not having any more episodes. I’ve already caused enough trouble for those around me because of my personal issues.”

Laughter fills the room. I quickly regret meeting my supervisor’s gaze. It’s hard and filled with anger.

“Are you kidding me?” she hisses. “Are we talking about those dark circles under your eyes? You can hide them all you want, but it doesn’t work with me. I absolutely do not agree with this room change.”

And there it is, as expected. I’m screwed. Damn observant! I thought she hadn’t noticed. We both turn to Wiegman, waiting for his decision. She scratches his head while observing us closely. I’ve noticed it’s a habit when she’s thinking. She looks back and forth between us before finally focusing on me.

“Why do you want this change, Ona?”

“I’ve already troubled my supervisor enough. She’s losing sleep because of me, and I don’t want that to continue.”

“She volunteered for this. She’s doing it willingly. Unless you’ve changed your mind, Ms. Bronze?”

I sense agitation next to me. She’s probably seething right now. I won’t come out unscathed from this meeting.

“Absolutely not,” she growls.

“Good. In that case, it’s up to you to decide what’s best for your student.”

“Her episodes are unpredictable,” she responds. “There’s no way she can return to her room right now.”

The tone she uses sends shivers down my spine. I don’t even dare look at her anymore. She’s going to hate me after this… Maybe that’s what I was aiming for when I made this decision. I raise my eyes to our principal when she speaks again.

“So the matter is settled,” she says, causing my shoulders to slump in defeat. “Don’t feel embarrassed about such small things, Ona. We’re here to help you, don’t forget that. We were just talking about the remarkable progress you’ve made in your behavior.”

“Um… right,” I respond indifferently. “Can I go now? My friends are waiting for me.”

- "Yes, of course, you can go."

- "Thank you for seeing me. Goodbye."

I stand up and sling my bag over my shoulder. I head for the door, feeling the weight of Lucy's eyes on my back.

- "You can leave too, Miss Bronze. We were finished."

I suddenly pale. Damn! I hear her thank Wiegman as I make a run for it to get out of there. I was on a good track until I heard her after slamming the door.

- "Not so fast, Batlle!"

Ouch. It's not a good sign when she uses my last name. I do the exact opposite of what she asked, running towards the exit. I was about to reach the door when Lucy couldn't control her momentum in the chase and ended up crashing into me as I stopped. Her body pins mine against the door before she grabs me by the collar of my jacket. She forcibly drags me to a room I recognize as the restroom when we arrive. She immediately locks the door behind us to prevent me from escaping.

- "What the hell is your problem?" I snap.

- "My problem?!" she exclaims. "What about yours? You've been avoiding me like the plague since this morning! You haven't said a word to me, and now I find you in Wiegman's office asking for a room change? When exactly were you planning to tell me, huh?"

I've never seen her this angry before. She's so red with rage that I don't even dare to speak. I'm paralyzed. She seems to notice my fear because she closes her eyes for a moment. I could have taken the opportunity to slip away if she weren't standing in front of the door. I don't feel ready to face her now. I probably never will be. But I know she won't let me out of here without getting her answers, thanks to those two determined emerald jewels of hers.

- "Answer me. Explain yourself, or... I don't know. Do something!"

Her tone is harsh, and she's losing patience. Lucy has never been someone who loses patience. My silence is affecting her more than I imagined. I lower my head, trying to come up with some reasonable excuse for what I've done, but what's the point? There’s none that can replace the truth.

- "I-I can't, Lucy."

- "Can't what?"

- "Act like nothing happened! You rejected me, and I accept that, but... But don't blame me for distancing myself. I've been hurt by rejection enough in my life. I don't want it to happen again."

Her shoulders slump at my response. It was like she just realized the consequences of her decision.

- " Ona..." she says in a strangely calmer voice. "I-"

- "No, shut up. I don't care about the reasons, okay? I don't even know if there are any, but I understood your choice. You can't or you won't. I don't know, but the result is the same. Either way, I can't let myself develop any further feelings for you."

- "It's my fault we've come to this... I should have maintained my professionalism and avoided giving you false hope."

I laugh bitterly. I don't regret how I feel about her at all. It's her reaction I regret. I say nothing, preferring to play along with her.

- "Yeah, maybe you should have, but it's too late now."

- "I never wanted things to get to this point, Ona. I-I thought we could stay friends, that I could help you. That's all I was trying to do."

- "You don't get it," I spit out.

She doesn't understand that it's her that I need, the relationship she's denying me. She reignited something in me that had been destroyed in my downward spiral. I'd never felt as good as I did with her by my side. I take a deep breath as I see her watching me curiously. If she thinks I'm going to make it easy for her by saying all this, she's dreaming. Who knows why she doesn’t want me? Maybe she’s seeing someone else, like that girl from the other night. They seemed close and she was pretty cute. I shake my head to get that image out of my mind. It’s none of my business.

- "Forget it. I-I... You know, today I realized that I've deprived myself of so much by focusing on you. I never wanted to feel these things for you, but it's not something you can control. I can't turn back now. Just when I thought I had finally discovered the real you..." I murmur thoughtfully.

- "Nothing is stopping us from continuing..." she murmurs, almost desperately.

- "N-no... I-I'm really sorry... B-but, I need to step back. That’s all I’m asking. If you care about me even a little, then... Stay out of my life until I need you again."

These words hurt, but it's the only solution I've found if I don't want to lose her entirely and waste the progress I've made. Running away has always been my way of protecting myself. I know Lucy can understand that. She’s always been able to read me with unsettling ease. That’s probably why she looks so sad. She knows it’s the only way to keep me intact. She’s the one who transformed me, but she could also be the one who destroys me in the blink of an eye. That thought terrifies me. I should never have gotten so attached to her or developed these feelings. And then my friends wonder why I don’t open up anymore. It was to avoid moments like this that I stopped trusting new people. I should have kept going down that path. You always end up disappointed, even with someone as perfect as Lucy.

- "Okay," she resigns. "I want you to know that I never wanted things to get to this point, but I'll give you the space you need so I don’t lose you completely..."

I avoid looking at her so she doesn’t see how much her words affect me and how they sting my heart. She doesn't even try to stop me or change my mind. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive her for putting barriers between us. No matter what she says, I know our relationship isn’t meaningless to her. Or maybe it is. Maybe I’ve been wrong all along.

- "Thank you for respecting my choice..." I say, not without difficulty.

- "It’s not without conditions."

My jaw tightens. How dare she ask something of me? Seeing that I’m not planning to respond, she continues.

- "I’ll give you the space you need, but you’re still sleeping in my room. I’m also offended that you wanted to talk to Wiegman about it before consulting me."

- "To forget about this whole thing, I need to cut ties completely..." I admit. "I knew you’d never let me leave, which is why I went to her directly without consulting you."

- "I figured as much, but that’s not going to happen," she says, frowning. "No matter what happened between us, there’s no way I’m going to let you spiral down again."

- "I’m not spiraling."

- "I know you. This is my condition, Ona. I also want to keep our evening classes. Just because we had this little falling out doesn’t mean you should jeopardize your education."

I scoff at her words. So this is just a "little falling out" to her? I doubt she understands my feelings for her, then.

- "I’m not planning to jeopardize my education," I reply coldly. "But I’m not keeping those classes. I asked Alessia to help me instead, and she agreed."

My answer seems to surprise her. She doesn’t realize how thoroughly I’ve thought this through. She almost looks disappointed. Knowing that I’m still attending classes, she has no reason to forbid it.

- "I guess that’s non-negotiable...?"

- "Exactly. I need to spend time with my friends and distance myself from you."

- "Very well..." she sighs. "But don’t completely ignore me like you have the last couple of days. I want you to talk to me at least a little."

- "Yeah, whatever you say, Commander. Can I go now that the negotiations are over?"

- "Hmm... I’ll see you tonight," she says as she opens the door.

- "Yeah. I’ll probably be with Alexia before I come."

I walk out with my head held high. I feel relieved of a burden after confessing my feelings and proud of not backing down for once. But that confidence fades once I’m away from her. I have no idea how I’ll feel in the coming days... I’ve focused so much on her these past few months that it feels like I can’t live without her, and the consequences are starting to scare me. I take a deep breath when I get outside. I’m determined to prove to her—and to myself—that I can live without her. If I can make her regret her choice in the process, that would be the ultimate goal. I stop thinking about her when I reach the common room. All my friends are there. I join Alessia and Alexia, who are sitting around a table working. Well, if you can call it that. It looks more like they’re chatting than anything else.

- "Oh, Onita!"

- "Don’t start calling me that," I grimace.

- "I think it’s a cute nickname," Alessia comments.

- "Would you prefer ‘Princess’ instead?" Alexia teases. "I heard that one’s making the rounds at school."

I sigh and nod. Unfortunately, I think I’d rather it be "Onita" spreading instead of the other one. It’s going to remind me of Lucy, and that’s exactly what I would have preferred to avoid. The first days are going to be very long. I take out my notes while replying.

- "Yeah, it seems so... I wish it weren't the case. I don’t even know how they could have found out."

- "Who knows," Ale smiles. "I heard you were at Wiegman ’s?"

- "Yeah. Bronze was there too."

- "And...?" she asks hesitantly, which makes me shrug.

- "If you want to talk amongst yourselves, I can step out," Alessia offers.

- "No, don’t worry. We’ll talk about it tonight."

- "Hey Ona, you’re finally here!" Alba enthusiastically says. "Want to play a game of foosball?" she suggests.

- "Not tonight, sorry. Alessia owes me some tutoring and it might take a while... I’m really completely lost in my new subjects."

- "To that extent?" Alessia asks. "It’s not that complicated."

- "Oh yes! It’s like Chinese to me, seriously! How can such things even exist?" I grumble.

- "Okay, I get it," Alessia chuckles. "We’ll review everything from the beginning."

I nod with a small smile. I move my chair closer to her with my stuff. I just grab some scratch paper, as I used to do with Lucy... Alessia returns my smile and gets into the groove of going over our lessons for the day. I hope the motivation will be with me; otherwise, I’ll never make it through the year.

Monday, January 18; 8:30 PM - Ona and Alexia's Room

- "How could I have missed so much?"

I’ve just confessed everything to Alexia. When I say everything, I mean the entire story between Lucy and me. I couldn’t keep it to myself knowing how I’m going to feel in the coming days. She would have found out something was wrong anyway, and I doubt she would have stayed quiet without getting answers this time. All I can say is that she is not at all happy. She’s upset that I hid the progress of this relationship from her. I bite my lip, realizing the stupidity of excluding Ale from my life. I should have confided in her rather than Lucy. Her eyes did light up when I admitted that I’ve been sleeping with her recently or when I explained how much I care about her, even now.

- "Are you in love with her?"

- "No... I said I care about her, not that I’m in love with her."

- "It was just a simple question... You know, you’re allowed to be."

- "No, I’m not allowed," I sigh. "I just told you she turned me away. Developing feelings for her would destroy me..."

- "Good grief," she sighs. "Can’t you hear yourself? It can’t be like this. Didn’t you see the way she looked at me at lunch when I was on your back? I thought she was going to kill me with that hurt look!"

- "You’re exaggerating," I roll my eyes.

- "No, I assure you... There must be another reason she doesn’t want to develop your relationship."

- "Whatever... I extended an olive branch for her to change her mind, and she didn’t take it. She accepted me stepping away rather than keeping me by her side. It’s pretty clear as a response, don’t you think? Besides, this break won’t hurt me. She just made it clear that I need to continue being wary of people."

- "I doubt she wants you to react like this..."

- "I don’t care. I just need to clear my mind, and this is the only way I can do that."

- "Alright... If you say so."

I put down the pencil I had between my fingers and let my sketchbook fall between my thighs. It’s been so long since I touched my drawing materials that I’d forgotten the relaxing effect they gave me. As far back as I remember, they were always my best means of escape. Staying in my room with Alexia was probably the best idea I had to escape Lucy for the evening. Lucy hadn’t forgotten that I owed her an explanation, so she dragged me to come with her, but I admit I should have thought of that from the start.

- "Lucy had become my pillar, but I need to prove to myself that I can live without her."

- "You’ve become addicted to her, huh?"

I frown when she says that. It’s not the first time someone has said that to me. Mapi was the first, and I’m starting to question it.

- "No... Haven’t you been talking to Mapi?"

- "Oh, no... Not at all," she mocks.

- "Of course! What did she tell you?"

- "Nothing. She wanted you to tell me yourself. I assure you," she smiles. "But now that you’ve explained everything, I can finally understand what she was talking about, and sorry for you, but I can only agree with her. You’re in love with Lucy, and you’re denying it."

- "That’s not true," I protest.

- "Yes, it is. Just admit it."

- "Definitely not."

- "Say it. It will set you free, you’ll see."

- "No," I say, shaking my head. "You don’t understand," I say desperately, making her sigh.

- "Come here."

She pats her bed. I sigh but join her, grabbing my pillow and hugging it like a stuffed animal. I then curl up when she forces me to rest my head on her shoulder. My eyes fix on a point as I lose myself in my thoughts. Ale’s strokes in my hair, meant to relax me, have the opposite effect. I hate her. That’s how I feel about Lucy right now. All the recent moments of my life are related to her. She has taken up too much space, and now I have to live with this idea while trying to resume my life before she came along. The problem is, I don’t know how it works anymore. She took care of everything. It’s as if she did my thinking for me. I wasn’t ready for everything to turn out like this. I suffocate as I release the lump that had been stuck in my throat for too long.

- "Let it out."

That’s all it takes for my tears to start flowing down my cheeks. I can’t control myself anymore. Everything comes like a tornado. I let myself fall against Alexia, who opens her arms without hesitation. I never thought it would hurt this much.

- "I love her, damn it."

I close my eyes as Alexia encourages me to let go of everything my mind has prevented me from doing. I haven’t cried this much since I’ve been in this damn camp. I’ve felt sad more than once in my life, but I’ve never expressed it so much to others. I feel like I’ve become sensitive to everything. I collapse onto my roommate’s lap as she lets me unload my emotions. She achieved what she wanted. I feel drained. I’ve poured out everything I could until I ran out of strength. Alexia holds me against her, giving me soothing pats on the top of my head to calm me down. I look pathetic with my pillow clutched against me. We stay like this for a while until a muffled noise is heard at the door. I straighten up with my back to it to wipe my face as best as I can. The door opens without permission.

- "Oh, hello Bronze..."

I freeze at Ale’s clearly deliberate hint. I can only mentally thank her for making me realize it was her behind me. I was expecting her if I came too late to her room. I think curfew must be approaching. I squeeze my eyes shut to compose myself before facing her.

- "I was told I’d find you here," she says. "Curfew is coming soon, and it seems you still need to take a shower."

- "I was about to come," I mumble.

- "Hmm... I just wanted to make sure. I was afraid you might skip out on me despite our conversation."

I haven’t discussed this part with Alexia. I didn’t want to rub salt in the wound for now. I guess I’ll have to talk to her about it tomorrow now that she has brought it up.

- "I’m coming. You can go. I’ll tidy up first."

- "I’ll wait."

I sigh and grab my sketchbook from my bed with a brusque motion. I put it away in the cupboard with the rest of the materials, taking care not to turn around even once. It’s only when I pick up my jacket from the desk that she’s likely to see my disheveled state. I approach Alexia, who has already gotten up in the meantime. I give her a huge hug of thanks. I struggle to detach my head from her neck. I imagine her smiling to give her a rare and intense contact from me.

- "Rest, " she whispers in my ear. "It will be okay."

I nod and give her a lingering kiss on the cheek. She smiles softly as we wish each other goodnight. I put my hood over my head to hide the aftermath of my evening. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Lucy, who immediately comments as I pass by her. I simply keep my head down so she doesn’t see my face as we walk.

- "I thought you weren’t coming..." she murmurs. "Sorry for barging in."

- "Trust reigns," I snap. "But it’s no problem."

- "How was your day?" she tries to continue the conversation.

- "Great. Yours?"

- "Good... And your new class?"

- "I’ve had better."

- "With Alexia, I assume."

- "Not just that."

My short, undeveloped responses make her sigh. I would have loved to tell her about my day, but I promised myself to keep my distance from now on. It’s always her who gets my debrief normally, but today it’s not the case. I’ve done it with Alexia and Amba for once. We talked a lot about that pest Korbin. I learned a few things about her, but nothing crazy. All I learned is that she’s not a person worth hanging out with. We finish the walk to her room in silence. I directly look for my pajamas and clothes for tomorrow before locking myself in the bathroom. I stay there for a good half hour for a shower. When I come out, Lucy is already ready for bed but absorbed in her laptop on her lap. I ignore her and lie down on my small bed. I still wish her goodnight before turning my back to avoid the small light she left on her side. She seems determined to leave me alone, as she responds with a simple goodnight in return.

#woso #lucy bronze #woso community #ona batlle #barca femeni #woso soccer #lionesses #sefutbol fem #ona batlle x lucy bronze #leah williamson #alessia russo #alexia putellas #fiction #fic

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theartofsimpatry · 1 month ago

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Heimdall general headcanons

-The golden child of Odin, this is pretty obvious by how he was given the responsibility of Gjallarhorn.

-Heimdall was Odin’s favorite as Heimdall did everything he could to impress his father. He never stepped out of line and dealt with his emotional issues by leaning even farther into his father’s manipulations.

-Heimdall tied his ego to his father. If Heimdall was the best in his father’s eyes then he was the best in the world. If Odin was ever disappointed in him then Heimdall’s ego could entirely break apart.

-He is the 2nd youngest of his siblings, only a 100 or so years older than Baldur. Heimdall hates the fact that he’s a bastard. He has 9 mothers, a mother from each of the realms (idk how that works but its mythology so 🤷🏽‍♀️). He doesn’t identify or acknowledge his mothers’ existences or heritage, he only identifies as Aesir like his father.

-If you bring it up, he will drop you off the walls.

-He was raised solely by Odin, giving him no chance to ever hear another perspective of the world during his important years of development </3

-Because of his very clear mommy and daddy issues, he has never seriously perused a woman, he would only marry a woman if Odin wanted him to have a bride. And I can’t see him fathering any bastards.

-He may take on a male lover once in a while, in the Roman way of “im teaching him to be a warrior” which includes Heimdall teaching him to fight and bending him over.

-He has the internalized homophobia of “its between men so it doesn’t count as love/sex” and secretly fears Odin finding out.

-Odin knows all of this and literally couldn’t give less of a shit but he likes the thought of potentially having smth to use against Heimdall if he rebels.

-Heimdall was given his gift by Odin in his youth, when he was turning from a teen to a man. He couldn’t keep up physically with Thor and didn’t have a curse put upon him making him immortal like Baldur so Odin decided to “reward” him for his loyalty.

-Bifrost eyes, able to see into anyone’s mind but cursed to never being able to see into Odin’s.

-Heimdall gained equal status to Thor and Baldur in the eyes of the rest of the Aesir. And he ravishes in his title of “Undefeated”.

#taos writing #heimdall #heimdal god of war #god of war ragnarok #god of war #gow #gowr #gow ragnarok #gow heimdall #gow headcanons #gowr headcanons #god of war headcanons #god of war ragnorak headcanons #gowr hc #gow hc #odin

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olderthannetfic · 11 months ago

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hiii i know you're just a person and not a library but if you happen to have them on hand, i'd greatly thank you for some resources on how social justice topics first entered fandom pre-tumblr-2010s, especially in the 90s or earlier is the period i'm interested in, if fans were very eager on being "politically correct" and went out of their way to find related academic texts or if they sort of had to be "kicked in the butt" to do research by people who were already involved in social justice irl, and also if there was pushback against social justice entering fandom & what the arguments were (i know the japanese had the yaoi ronso, i wonder if there is some clearly traceable event like that for the western fandom, or just some insight into the decades-long process it was and how the arguments have changed overtime, eg. yesterday i stumbled across a forum discussion about how a certain character using misogynistic language is "just how working class people talk", & it's so interesting bc that's a kind of argument which seems to have fallen out of circulation completely, so that got me wondering on what other shifts there could have been👀)

I mean... "fans" is pretty broad. But if you want to know about m/m fans in Western fandom, that's a lot more answerable.

Ye olde slash fandom did have plenty of discussion around queerness. There's a certain style that's much more common in older fic where one of them is really struggling with homophobia and doesn't like the idea of being into men and so does something or other awful to create drama in the fic, and even then, some fans would be like "Then he's an undatable jerk!"

The further back you go in that kind of fandom, the more everyone is a mega-nerd and quite possibly an academic. There are certainly things that are openly talked about today that people were clueless about then (trans issues, for example), but you have to do a lot more kicking now to get someone to read an academic article on average.

I really cannot express how much more default-intellectual this hobby was in the 90s and before.

Here's an example of the sort of thing people were coming up with:

Here's a bunch of early 00s meta:

Here's a fanlore article with a smattering of the many long discussions about Why Slash:

Here's a starting point on some rapey stuff in Pros fandom that people had meta thoughts about:

And a common practice of writing fic to debunk/respond to other people's fic that used to be so overt there was a term for it:

You could also just go through the history of Escapade, the oldest slash con that's still running in 2023, and see what the panel topics were:

I'm not sure "social justice" is quite the way to look at this. If you're curious about m/m shippers and misogynist language or treatment of internalized homophobia in fic, that will be covered quite well by things like the above. Plenty of individual fanfic people were involved in AIDS activism because that was everywhere back then. But race stuff? Other kinds of social justice? I don't remember those coming up much.

And of course fans were not eager to be "politically correct". Being involved in slash fandom in the 80s was seen as being a pervert and a purveyor of underground pornography. These were rebels, not pearl-clutching line-toers.

They might have been eager to be pro-gay, but they sure as fuck didn't express it in those namby-pamby terms.

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oaxleaf · 1 year ago

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been on a natasha pulley kick recently, and i’ve been thinking about that moment when shenkov essentially asks valery for permission to put milk in his coffee. i think it says a lot about his general position in the concept of rebellion. because shenkov himself does not seem to find milk in his coffee effeminate, and even if he did he doesn’t show any particular signs distaste for it or even much of any general internalized homophobia, only a healthy caution of being caught.

and yet he has never drunk his coffee with milk in it.

he’s not the type to rebel against authourity, the only way he knows how to challenge it is by bending around it. he doesn’t believe that the institution is ‘inherently good with a few flaws or bad apples’ but the only way he can imagine changing it is by joining it. or how, whilst we never get a super clear view on his sexuality or whether there ever was actual romance between him and anna, he does settle into seeming heterosexuality and a nuclear family.

this is in contrast with valery, who spends the entire novel questioning authority far more than what is probably smart. valery, whilst not an outright rebel or activist, doesn’t make this conscious choice to settle into patterns and expectations. to some extent, shenkov clearly views him as someone who challenges the powers that be, even if he does just about stay within the limits so that shenkov doesn’t have to take action against it. shenkov’s whole arc is going from this passive ‘smelt in and attempt to make change from the inside’ attitude to rejecting the system as a whole, and he does so by following valery’s lead. that’s why he asks him for permission to put milk in his coffee and as such challenges the oldest authority he’s ever known: his own father.

#honestly it was a good while since i got this invested in a set of books #read this one in like three days #though to be fair i was also on two six hour flights and had nothing else to do #natasha pulley #pulleyverse #the half life of valery k

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magicrainbowkitties · 2 years ago

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Love how literally everything Gerard Way has ever done has had some level of queerness in it somewhere, be it their music or their comics. Like this guy literally said "I am going to throw gay people and gender-based fuckery at you and y'all are gonna fucking LIKE IT." Even back in the days of Bullets and Revenge (when, to give context to my fellow zoomers, homophobia and commodification of queerness was so fucking rampant that the Superman issue with Pink Kryptonite was released in 2003), this guy was out there, screaming about sucking dick and actively kissing his homies on stage as a specific political statement.

And then later on he goes off and actually does comics, one based off Danger Days, and yeah the villain from the music videos just. Has a male love interest. Whose death causes him to finally rebel against the fascistic corporation that actively works to destroy otherness. And then Doom Patrol (which btw has always had queer subtext, severely underrated superhero line imo) and Umbrella Academy. I'm not sure what else I can say on that.

They've also been loud and proud about their own queerness, even if he doesn't use labels. Like this is not an ally thing my dudes this is a queer person making queer content for queer people, and was literally doing it before it was cool. Like shit dude. That's fucking praxis.

And then. When he started performing with their buddies again. In the years of our lord 2022 and 2023. In the middle of a worldwide effort to erase trans people from existence. At a time where people could reasonably be like "yea he's campy but he's still just a cis band dude." This bitch. Gets on stage. In not just any dresses. But dresses in references to women who are both victims of great tragedy and pain but are also icons of sociopolitical power. And never ONCE letting up on ANYTHING. Sometimes it's a dress, sometimes it's a weird Party City thing, sometimes it's literally Piss and Vinegar shirts. But never once does the genderfuckery stop.

"In the face of extermination, say fuck you."

The respect I have for this guy is off the fucking charts, and the inspiration I feel in seeing this shit happen is other-fuckin-worldly.

#gerard way #mcr #my chemical romance #doom patrol #umbrella academy #btw sorry to my followers ik this is outta left field but like. i have a new hyperfixation ok.

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toomanytookas · 8 months ago

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March Fic Madness: Reading List

Thanks again to @the-blind-assassin-12 for creating the March Fic Madness challenge!

I've already posted my stats for the challenge over on this post, but here's a list of what I read!

I find that, for me, lists without any description end up leading to decision paralysis/having to click a lot of links without knowing where you're going, so I've tried to provide a super brief summary of each fic as a taster (obvs more info is provided by the author on each fic’s actual page). If you're an author whose work is listed here and feel I've misrepresented your fic, let me know and I can change the little blurb, it's obviously not my intention to do your work dirty! <3

List is alpha sorted by character then by author.

Dieter

stay sexy and don’t get murdered - @chronically-ghosted- oneshot > Against the backdrop of a murder mystery, the reader and Dieter resolve some relational conflict and lean into their mutual feelings.

vamp!dieter drabble - chronically-ghosted - oneshot > Vampire!Dieter permits journalist!reader an interview. There’s a “Say it. Out loud.” moment.

the howler monkey - @covetyou - oneshot in series > Dieter struggles with some strong feelings and is comforted by his PA.

Laminated - @katareyoudrilling - oneshot > Dieter’s asking around the hotel for sex and his vasectomy seals the deal for the reader.

Go Play Your Video Games - @kedsandtubesocks - oneshot > Reader is a cozy video game streamer and Dieter, still a famous actor, is a fan.

One Day at a Time - @rebel-held - chaptered (ongoing) > Reader is a tutor for a young actor on the set of Dieter’s current flick.

The Kit Kat Trilogy - @schnarfer - series (complete) > Reader and Dieter hooked up 10 years ago and meet again at Christmastime.

Purple Haze - schnarfer - oneshot > 60s fashion photographer Dieter does a shoot with model!reader.

lost, found - @sp00kymulderr - oneshot > Reader comforts Dieter when he is (re)confronted with his family's homophobia.

dieter x poppy oneshot - @wildemaven - oneshot related to chaptered fic > Smutty lil’ footjob after a long day. Part of the Sweet Creature universe.

Ezra

A Girl Walks Into A Bookshop - @oonajaeadira - chaptered (complete) with an open followup series > Post Prospect. Ezra owns a bookshop and he and the reader fall in looooooooooove.

Frankie

frost on the windows, flowers in the bed - @5oh5- chaptered (ongoing) > Both reader and Frankie have travelled to Paris for a reset. They hook up at a bar on NYE.

in another life - chronically-ghosted - oneshot > Smutty, domestic slice of life oneshot.

All For You - @goodwithcheese - chaptered (complete) > Childhood friends reconnect at their 25 year high school reunion.

Hold Fast - @jeewrites - chaptered (ongoing) > Reader is a physician by day, powerlifter by night and meets Frankie through Pope’s gym.

Tommy’s Party - @luxurychristmaspudding - chaptered (complete) > Angsty (ANGSTY) roommates to lovers.

Lions Ain't the Kind - @qveerthe0ry - chaptered (ongoing) > Developing early relationship ft. subby!Frankie.

Dial Drunk - schnarfer - oneshot > Childhood friends who shared one intimate night reconnect and begin to dream of a better life together.

Jack

Cognitive Dissonance & Decoherence - @prolix-yuy - chaptered (complete) > WestWorld injected with a sentient host Jack.

losin' you - wildemaven - oneshot > The beginnings of reconciliation between exes at a rodeo.

Javi P.

Paranoid Heart - goodwithcheese - chaptered (complete) > Two souls who are a bit too worldly wise for Laredo meet through their parents and fall for one another. [Still working my way through this one!]

Seen - katareyoudrilling - oneshot > Older reader refuses to take Javi’s flirty attitude at face value, but finds the man behind the bravado appealing.

Go Your Own Way - schnarfer - oneshot > The development and decline of a complicated romance with young fuckboy Javi.

Joel

No outbreak/fully alternate universe AUs

Maintenance Request - @burntheedges - chaptered (ongoing) > Lit prof reader and [official title redacted] Joel meet as he works on facilities maintenance and landscaping around campus Helen - @kiwisbell - chaptered (ongoing) > John Wick AU but where the wife character lives and angst about revelations of the past ensues. nervous joel oneshot - wildemaven - oneshot > Joel is feeling anxious about satisfying the reader during their first time together.

Jackson AUs

Seams - @fuckyeahdindjarin - chaptered with additional series oneshots (ongoing) > Seamstress reader meets Joel when he needs help with his pants and the flirty beginnings of a relationship bloom. baby, i'm yours - @joelsgreys - oneshot > Joel has insecurities about being good enough for the reader. You Brought Me Poison Flowers - @ohforficsake - chaptered (ongoing) > OC Lennie runs the Jackson apothecary. we've got one thing in common, it's this tongue of mine - @youcancallmeelle - series (two parts, of which this is one) > A fun clandestine relationship.

Post-Outbreak AU

safe and sound - @janaispunk - chaptered (ongoing) > Joel & Ellie crash land at the reader’s home post Joel getting stabbed.

Lucien

this high of you & me - kedsandtubesocks - oneshot > Dealer!Lucien shotgunning with reader.

Hungry Eyes - @missredherring - oneshot > Ex!Lucien observes the changes in reader's confidence at a party where she’s with her new beau.

Marcus P.

Only for you - burntheedges - oneshot > Established early relationship. Reader has a variety of piercings that Marcus finds exciting.

All About the Bass - katareyoudrilling - oneshot > Musicians!reader and Marcus meet at community orchestra rehearsals.

Headshots - @secretelephanttattoo - series (complete) > Photographer!reader is hired to take headshots for the FBI and meets Marcus. Series covers their relationship over several years.

Wash Day - secretelephanttattoo - oneshot > Established early relationship. Marcus washes the reader's hair.

Third Time’s the Charm - the-blind-assassin-12 - series (complete) > Marcus and reader navigating their early relationship while he travels for work and settles into life in DC.

Shane & Tim

bloody kisses by @perotovar - chaptered (ongoing) > Shane’s gay awakening is full of angst and a bit of getting into trouble. He gets help (and eventually help? 👀) from one Det. Tim Rockford.

#marchficmadness24 #reclist #reading roundup #feeling kinda weird about tagging so many people I don't know so well #but also didn't want to not tag people in case they like to see when their work is recced?#eep #if you'd like to be removed just lmk!

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queenhallebe · 2 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/yoonminschoice/762647549916151808/the-jikookers-choice-why-im-not-a-jikooker-and?source=share

Bro, I get defending your ship and "debating" about who you believe is the real couple but literally why is Jimin & Jk's bond always accused of being fake. I'm tired of this fanservice term. Can people not believe Jimin & Jk are with other members without thinking they play shit up for the camera? Is this really what the fandom has come to?

Unfortunately anon, it is what the fandom has come to. They do it for reasons only they know of. But the obvious thing here is- this is Jimin and Jungkook we're talking about. And that on it's own is enough for them to be crucified.

It has become a norm to hate on anyone who is a part of BTS, or related to BTS in any way...wether as a fan or a coworker, or a family member. So it doesn't help that Jikook, of the famous BTS, and the two biggest soloists of the group are close. Anyone would hate them, and sometimes it be your own people! As much as Armys like to say you aren't an Army if you hate any of the members, but it's true. Sometimes it be the same Armys hating on these two.

I don't know about you Anon, but from what I've seen since I joined the fandom, jikook's biggest haters aren't the kpoppies, or locals.. whatever people prefer to call them.

6.It's the hyung line stans. I think you would know why I'm even saying this. For some reason, the hyungs don't have as much support as the maknaes, and who gets affected at the end of the day? Jikook. Why? Coz they're Jimin, and Jungkook. “ That is how they keep themselves relevant, atleast my fave doesn't have to resolve to fan service to sell, unlike Pigmin and Payolakook 🤢”

5. VMINers... These two are the soulmates of BTS,as we know. And Jungkook, “ separated” them. He “ played” besties. And this came directly from a girl on TikTok, legit..💀

4. KTHs... These are the V lovers. As the most followed on IG, I observed that a lot of people expected him to be the biggest soloist. And also because of his acting career, his model like figure- I mean he's perfect in all ways. And it is a lot of the subgroup that never ever expected Jimin to thrive alone. As time went on, they threw tantrums that V was being mistreated by Armys, BTS and HYBE. And we all know who got the most hate; Jungkook. The one man who was supposed to take care of V,his boyfriend! Did you know, that 99.9 % of taekookers are V biases? Now we all know 😀 and he's blamed for not supporting Taehyung, for not rebelling against HYBE that treated V unfairly.

3. JJKs...these are well known Y/Ns of the fandom; Jungkook stans. Mostly where the homophobia comes from, within the fandom. If I'm not wrong, there's a famous Wattpad story called motorsport..? And the biggest JK story ...I forgot what they call it. Oh yeah, mutual help!! And this is not a hate for the authors in any way. The JJKs love this type of thing, they j*rk of to these things. They write “ Jungkook's the type of boyfriend to-” . And what happens when they see Jimin jumping on JK's back and inhaling him?? “Jungkook is straight, Jimin is just an attention seeker, he loves queerbaiting so bad!” And if you haven't yet noticed, most JJKs love Jungkook as a soloist. They don't give a sh*t about any other member. BTS would be nothing without Jungkook, and the JK validation goes crazy, so Jimin is using him. Jimin is fake, and whatever he does with JK is only to help himself. Poor Jungkook...

2. I don't even know what to call these ones. But there's a certain subgroup within this fandom that believes it is jungkook's duty to end all the delusions in this fandom. They're the gossipers of the fandom. The drama lovers. They think BTS is Hollywood in some way. If Jimin laughs with Jimin today, they run to shipper accounts to find out what their opinion is. Tomorrow he laughs with Jin, they go to the senseless shippers accounts to hear the tea. They get confused in between, feel bad for the poor members whom apparently jungkook's switches like his underwear. They want Jungkook to have a stand. Now they ask themselves, and irritate others on the media,“ why doesn't Jungkook hug V when he knew Jimin was watching?? Why didn't he laugh at Jhope's joke? Why doesn't he just be decisive and love one member?” All because they decided to entertain the shipping drama...Now Jungkook is the enemy

1. I know a lot of people would disagree with this one. I mean no one wants their faves to be treated unfairly, and there is a softness towards one's own bias. But this is a truth that people deny still, to this day. No one gets hate like Jungkook in this fandom. Not outside, WITHIN the fandom... Yes, the hyung line is overlooked, Jimin is hated by KTHs, and V too is hated. But when one person out there finally decides to talk about Jungkook and the hate he's getting, it's all “ it happens to other members too” . It's suddenly, “ he's famous, he should have known” when sasaengs invade his privacy. “ Jungkook shouldn't get anything this time, let's vote for RM, JK will be happy that his hyung won!”

I absolutely agree that all members get hate, and this isn't a competition where one member's pain should be compared with another. But you also know what's not fair? Refusing to acknowledge that Jungkook is at the centre of almost everything here, centre of the BTS ships, centre of his own group, and the maknae. People refuse to just take their eyes off their bias just once, and see that Jungkook is getting hate from all sides of the fandom. He's always the one to throw under the bus, the one who will be “okay” at the end of the day. And I know it's taking forever to say this one thing, but people have resentment towards Jungkook in this fandom, and some don't even know it. It only took one album for people to expose themselves. And no one hates Jungkook in this fandom like a PJM!

“Look at how Jimin invested in his album, nothing was handed to him. He even sang in Korean, and got to the top! He worked so hard. Why should he be no.2 ? Especially to that Jungkook whom the entire fandom got his back, and scooter also? His songs weren't even all that!”

And in case no one here knows, Jikookers are 99.9% PJMs 😹😹. People can say whatever they want, but PJMs be acting like they graduated from Harvard. Like they're the ones who birthed Jimin. Just like KTHs and VMINers, they think their biases are suffering while everyone's got jungkook's back. They don't see that they have Jungkook as a servant who has to kiss the ground Jimin walks on, kiss his feet, compliment him, just be whipped for him. They see themselves as Jimin Park's twin flame. I don't even have to say anything more...just go and see what people are saying about Are You Sure , and recently if you're a Twitter person, a Jikookers GC was exposed... Go and see what all they say about JK (and V)💀💀

Anyways anon, I don't know if you'll agree with me, but I just pointed out what I see everyday. Not everyone in these subgroups is like that, but majority here is overshadowing the good ones🤷. And these are the people who degrade the relationship that Jimin and Jungkook have. They cannot deny that they're an energy, a force, and they're tight like this 🤞. So what will they say?? Fan service. They cannot unsee the cuddles in AYS, so they'll say it's scripted. They cannot comprehend that Jungkook and Jimin are men, and they play rough, so they'll call Jungkook abusive for the same thing their fragile Mimi just did to Jungkook a few minutes ago.

I mean you can't say you don't know what happens when two famous people, with an insane chemistry, and a large following are also close, can you? 🤷 And coming to your real ask..( I'm so sorry for straying 😭)... There are people who genuinely believe Jikook are dating other members, and they'll do anything to prove it, even if it means calling jikook a script. And some of these Yoonmin shippers are taekookers who want to keep their accessory Jungkook. Some are PJMs who hate Jungkook coz KTHs hate Jimin.

#jikook #park jimin #jeon jungkook

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