#ReasonsForNotStudying

[drsapnasharma]

Reasons Behind Teens Seeming Disinterest in Studies

In part 3 of the series of blogs on mental fitness for the parents of a teen, let us discuss some of the possible reasons behind his/her seeming disinterest in the studies. 

There are 6 possible reasons: 

POSSIBLE REASON NO. 1: He does not understand the way the lessons are taught in the classroom. So why doesn’t he say so? Majorly because he does not even understand that this is the reason. Sadly our education system expects every child to respond the same to every teacher and every subject. Children are not encouraged to voice their discontent about the teaching methods. Most teachers consider their duty to end with the completion of the course curriculum. Interestingly, even when some of us do understand this, all that we do is join him to some popular coaching class. Little do we realize that a child who has challenges in raising his doubts in the familiar environment of his school, can not do any better in any popular and more crowded coaching class. 

POSSIBLE REASON NO. 2: She does not have the aptitude for some subjects or for academics in general: Very little if any consideration is ever given to the fact that every child cannot have equal aptitude for every subject. We never had and so is the case with them. We go by the social trends that imply that certain things “MUST” be done by all. Hardly do we ever give a thought as to why do so many countries insist on offering a wide array of vocational subject options to their children. We on the other hand make the child stop every other activity that he or she may likely take up later as a career just so that he can focus all his attention on the studies that he may not be even understanding in the first place.

 POSSIBLE REASON NO. 3: His basics are not clear: This factor is very commonly seen in high school students. Many of those who have not been as attentive in the middle school or did not have very good teachers in the formative years have never had the opportunity to get a clear understanding of the subjects. Now in their high school, where every subject is based on some earlier basics, this child perceives each subject as Greek and Latin thus throwing him way off the interest scale. 

POSSIBLE REASON NO.4: He is being bullied at school or some other place: Indian parents are not very aware of this concept of bullying. Traditionally, parents tell the children not to be sissy and go and fight back. Sometimes they even poke fun at the child. A child who is bullied soon loses interest in school activities including studies. Bullying is also done by the teachers and the child may be very much frightened to complain even to the parents in fear of the consequences. 

POSSIBLE REASON NO. 5: She lacks a clear aim: Many a time the children do not like what they see as options after school education. They have very limited exposure and not all children are attracted by the popular career options. These children may lose interest in studies not able to see any clear interesting outcome of their hard work. This is especially true for this generation that responds to the logic of things and not to compulsion and coercion. 

POSSIBLE REASON NO. 6: Some other issues are bothering the child: Sexual harassment by house maid, teachers, or a caretaker are common occurrences in Indian families where both the parents are working and the children are left in the care of some known or hired help. The statistics of such incidences is staggeringly high. In most cases the children are too afraid to share with the parents who are usually too occupied to speak beyond a few words every day or are too strict or moralistic about the child’s behavior and conduct. 

Even in such a straight-forward appearing matter of “Less studying” there can be so many underlying factors. It is absolutely essential for we parents to go beyond the obvious and start believing that every child has a potential and a right to a good life. Also that every child is wishing for a good life filled with appreciation and love for himself/ herself.

[drsapnasharma]

Parents Concerns About Teenagers Problems

In continuation of my series of blogs on parents’ concerns about teenagers’ problems, let us consider the common parental complaint of “Not studying”. Let us see how some of these questions can help us. I am sharing with you some of the commonest answers that I get from parents in my counseling albeit after paraphrasing and rephrasing many times:

1. What exactly is your concern about the child not studying enough?

 He is intelligent and can do better: Certainly he can do better, we all can. But does that better have to be in the area of high academic scores alone? If he is not able to score very high marks then does that mean that he will not be able to do good ever?      

Her cousins are all high rankers: Unfortunately I hear this more often than I would want to. And then I ask the parents that do you want to help the child do better in life or you want him to do better to help you keep up your image or reputation?

Everyone keeps blaming me that I am not a good mother: (Ouch that hurts) Well, as unreasonable as it may sound, the Indian society and many others do hold the mother solely responsible for any wrongdoings and underperformances of the child. And yet the concern of the mother shifting from helping the child to clear some of her image is to be put under the scanner.

 2. What are your expectations?

 Interestingly most parents fumble at this question. They give vague answers like- “he should do better”, “I know he can score more” etc. However even when I press for them to define how much exactly they believe the child should be scoring, they seem to go around the bushes. My question is that if you cannot quantify your expectations then it is certain that you do not know your child or his capacities well. Your discontent is arising from the definitions of the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ given by the society. Do we really believe we can help our children without knowing them well?

 3. Why according to you is the child not studying?

 a.                  He is just not interested

b.                  He does not care about studies

c.                   He is too distracted by friends

d.                  He is more interested in gadgets and television

 Well, in some cases some of these reasons might be correct, but in the majority number there are other not so obvious reasons behind his/her seeming disinterest in the studies. In the next blog of the series, we will discuss about the possible reasons for disinterest of teenagers in the studies.